#「 desires 」 — ❛ i thought i found what i always wanted there with me. ❜

[clawsdevour]

want to know all of you

wc: 1.9k content warning: hinted established relationship, smut, insecure reader x hoshiumi, creampie, oral w!receiving, not proofread

ㅤ۫ㅤ⠀⠀ ◌ 𓈒

“..Do you really want to do this?” huffing through Hoshiumi’s heavy pants that lingered trickles of hot air in the crook of your neck.

His wet sloppy kisses remaining on the surface of your skin, reflecting in the moonlight illuminating through the curtains. His murky light eyes gazing at you in desire, cheeks dusted with a slight pink hue.

His heavy body hovering just slightly above you, your hands wrapped his thick and toned neck. Swallowing hard, you nod sheepishly. You’ve been dating Hoshiumi Korai for a while, his cute gestures of love always wow you in a way you felt like you needed to reward him at certain times. Sometimes you found yourself wanting more than just a frisky make out session, but you’ve never fiddled around with him like this before.

“Of course I do if it’s with you, Korai” pulling him away from your neck for just a second, exchanging a deep sensible glance to show you meant what you said. Completely breathless, his timid vulnerable self showing up on his face as he subtly bit down on his lower lip from excitement.

Nuzzling his nose back into your warm neck, you feel him mouth the words, ‘I love you so much,’ before sucking on your skin, leaving behind his bright red mark. His lips continue smooching your ticklish neck, gradually moving lower to your defined collarbone. The foreign sensation on your bare heated skin due to his tongue made you squirm under his touch.

“You smell so good babe,” pressing the tip of his nose onto you, half lidded light eyes peering up to sneak a quick glance at your flustered facial expressions to savor the moment.

A hand worked its way up under your thin tank top, pulling the hem of the fabric up with it. Shuddering at the cool air combined with his hot palms that rubbed against the sides of your torso to calm you. The feeling of embarrassment started to creep up the further his hands dragged your top up, exposing your bright pink bra that you wore before heading over to his house.

“Oh- ignore this.. I kinda just threw it on,” you spurted out, trying to cover your bra that his eyes couldn’t take off. 

“Ignore what? I think it looks cute on you..!” Hoshiumi intimately said full of genuineness, his hands just slightly above yours. 

Accepting his true words, your back is just slightly a few inches above the mattress. His fingers helping you unhook the back of your bra, thoughts full of negativity imagining what he’d think about your body. You slowly drop your undergarment, showing him the valley of your breasts. Rosy nipples freshly perked up from being released.

His eyes slightly widened as this was the first time seeing you without anything covering the chest he loves to dive head first into so much. Groping a breast in one hand, fiddling with your tiny but hard nub that sent waves of stimulating pleasure. Your other nipple being caressed by his hot and wet tongue that latched itself onto you the moment he saw it. Flicking the organ till it’s at its full hardness, sparking further arousal that made you rub your thighs together under him. 

His mouth moved further down like before. His slow and sensual marks were scorching hot and sloppy this time, as if he was branding the surface of your skin with his slightly swollen lips. The more he lowered himself on your body, the more ticklish it got as you tried to suppress your moans.

“You can moan.. Makes me know how good I make you feel” fixing his eyes on you once more when realizing why you were so discrete. Having your hands clasped over your mouth, you nod, inching them away from your face and onto the bed sheets.

Carrying on, Hoshiumi lifts himself up from your heat emitting body for a moment. Taking off his shirt, you see his muscular figure flicker around in the ambient light as he shuffled in front of you. Watching him gather by your legs, Hoshiumi’s trailing off your shorts by the sides of your waist band, lifting your legs to help him.

Left in nothing but your mismatched panties, you can’t help but feel a bit more humiliated than you were earlier. Not to mention, him still being clothed as he stripped you down article by article of clothing. The last thing to take off was your slightly damp panties. Sliding them off of you, you shut your legs tight together to try and not reveal your bare cunt.

“Do you need a break babe?” Hoshiumi questions in concern seeing how you’re suddenly reacting.

“No.. it’s just, a bit embarrassing to be seen naked. Especially since it’s our first time doing it together.. Y’know?” Mumbling under your low breath with your head lowered, trying to avoid contact.

Hoshiumi completely understands where you’re coming from. You both know that this’ll be the first time you guys will do it, but it won’t be the last. 

“I know what you mean.. But, really.. I think you’re the most gorgeous girl I ever laid my eyes on. I want to know all of you, inside and out..” Hoshiumi reassures you with confidence.

“Me too,” groaning whilst getting up from laying on your back, you give him a tight snuggly hug before you gradually took him down with you. 

Arms around his bare shoulders, skin on skin, before letting go followed by a gentle kiss you placed on his slightly puffy lips. Creating distance between your bodies, his hands leisurely start to spread your legs apart without your resistance despite you still being shy. 

Getting on his stomach, staring straight at your already wet pussy. His thumb brushing over your sensitive organ caused you to flinch. His hands grip onto the indentations of your hips before you felt a warm and sluggishly wet peculiar feeling on your clit that makes you subtly gasp. 

Hoshiumi’s eating you out, starting off at a consistently slow pace that has you spiraling the longer he took. Your body’s jolting up with every stroke made by the tip of his tongue as his hands forcibly kept your hips spread and tied down to the bed. His lips placed a few pecks here and there on your inner thighs whenever you started twitching uncontrollably. 

The noises you let out kept him going, not to mention, something growing. With the amount of arousal pooling in the pits of your stomach, the buildup had your breathing all raggedy and inconsistent the more he licked and swirled his tongue on your swollen clit. 

“Wait! I might.. Cum!” you said in between moans, tugging at his short white hair. 

Picking up the pace till you reached your climax, he’s going all out and slurping up all your juices until you came on his tongue. Unleashing your fluids that he drank up, you needed a moment to recover as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

His figure towered over you as you laid. Hoshiumi began to take off his shorts, then his boxers, revealing to you his cock that you’ve thought about since day one. It stood tall in all its glory, a bit of precum leaking from his mushroom tip. 

Before he spoke a word, he was also terribly out of breath to say anything. Fighting for air to access his lungs, a bit too delighted from the pent up erectness, he purred otherwise.

“Are you ready?” he tried to whisper, stroking his cock, base to tip.

Gulping down through inconsistent breaths, you nodded into your pillow.

“Yeah.. I think so,” watching him through the slope of your chest that heaved up and down with each puff you took.

Lining himself up through your folds, the tip of his cock sinking its way through. Fingers wrapped around the back of your knees, his soft kisses making contact with your tender muscles. The size of his girth felt as if it were splitting you open, the feeling starting to show on your face the more he buried himself into you.

“It’s all in. How do you feel?” trying his best not to move as much.

“S’good.. And full” placing your hand on the bottom of your stomach, trying to figure out where his cock went inside you.

Your pussy’s clamping onto him like no tomorrow trying to mold itself to the size of his girth, almost sucking onto him bone dry. Expanding the inside of your sopping cunt that cried out in pleasure, allowing you time to adjust before moving. Hoshiumi’s mind is going crazy with your plush walls pulsating around him.

“..Can I move?” a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead trying to suppress the overwhelming stimulation. 

“Go slow,” allowing him your permission to move, he does so. 

Moving at a turtle’s pace, he pulls back to reveal the glistening sheen later of fluids on his cock just to be shoved right back in. Yelping after the first thrust, holding onto his toned arms as he continued. When your cunt started getting the hang of his consistency, it drooled for more action.

The delicious friction and heat increasing between you two not only drove you two mad, but also aroused more sparks. The insecurity you had dissolved away the more his cock plunged into you. The stimulating pleasure that just so continuously grazes over your bundle of nerves has you moaning for more.

Your stomach fluttered and contracted against his cock that throbbed inside your walls. The sounds started to become inaudible the more you groaned and mumbled the words out of your mind, relieving your pent up sexual desires you’ve been dreaming about run loose. 

The more Hoshiumi picked up the pace, the louder the skin on skin slapping became and mixed in with the moist and squelching noises that increased between your sobs. His gruntings soon became praises, telling you how good you take him, how proud he is of you, and how good you feel inside.

Digging deeper within each thrust, he inches closer towards the nether regions of your stomach. Creating further stimulations, you feel a subtle build up that could be released at any time the more he plunged his cock into you.

At this point, his tip is burning a hot fiery pulse that you could feel throb while he marks your pretty cunt with his imprints. Nearing his release before you, he still continued to satisfy you before he could satisfy himself. Your moans were music to his ears urging him to continue. The visuals of your breasts bouncing up and down with each thrust, he just couldn’t bare with it for any longer.

“Feel so good babe, might just cum inside..” he smickered playfully, seeing your tired expression widen in surprise when his cock twitched.

“Cum in-! Inside me!” feeling that rope tug and snap, you came right before he was about to. Creaming all over his cock, rimming the base of his dick with a milky white froth. 

Totally out of it, until you felt a warm liquid gush into your quivering plush walls. Filling you up with his milky fluids that trickled out of your gaping hole that cried for more. Pulling out, as if taking out a plug that gushed out his essence that mixed with yours.

“You look beautiful like this..” eying the scene of his cum flow out of you.

masterlist here

[venjras]

MIND GAMES - EREN YEAGER.

screaming, crying, throwing up, i love this one sm. hope you’ll enjoy it too. nsfw : slightly exhibitionism, dirty talk, fingering, dry humping, use of pet names, mention of alcool.

you felt on top of the world tonight, you could feel the electricity running through your entire body. heading to the bar where your boyfriend was waiting for you with his friends, since you were early for your date with your bestie you had decided to stop by for a quick hi. after all, it had been a while since you had last seen the boys.

you would have recognized your boyfriend's dark hair from miles away, sitting with one arm resting on the couch, shirt unbuttoned and a bold smirk as he talked to the others. it still seemed unreal that he was your boyfriend. sigh, entering his vision and immediately gaining his full attention. his gaze was quite literally setting you on fire, making it really difficult for you to walk properly towards them. “oh, oh, look who's back.” it was erwin's voice greeting you, bringing you back to the real world. in the meantime eren had stood up, immediately putting an arm around your waist and stealing a small kiss from you. “hello, my love.” his deep tone ran straight down your spine, creating a flock of butterflies in your stomach that made it hard to breathe. trying not to show it, settling next to him, taking off your jacket and leaving it abandoned next to your body, leaving your fit completely expose.

a flowing mini skirt that reached just above your mid thigh, a black shirt tucked into it, extremely tight, mid-knee boots and as a final touch hanging from your neck was the necklace he had given you for your anniversary. shiny. “didn’t think you’d miss me that much, don’t worry it won’t happen again.” you said sarcastically, greeting levi, jean and armin sitting around the rest of the table. they all adored you and it was a mutual feeling, right from the start you had found a really good connection and after all they had turned out to be such precious friends for eren so it couldn’t have been otherwise.

speaking of the devil, he hadn’t taken his eyes off you for not even a second. his arm was stretched out behind you, his hand caressing the back of your neck. he always needed some form of physical contact, even small and this thing had always driven you crazy. it made you weak, slowing down any logic and rational thought. putting you under a spell. you were all lost in talking, chatting about the news and joking animatedly. after half an hour you glimpsed your friend and stood up to hug her immediately. the skirt had risen up a bit, giving a dizzying view to the dark-haired man who couldn't help but lick his lips. just enough to tease him a little. tonight you felt inspired, you wanted to provoke him and maybe end up bent over in the back of his car. obviously the view was simply reserved for him, behind you all was the wall and it was something calculated to perfection. putting on your coat, bending a little to greet him with a kiss and finding his hand on the back of your thigh, caressing the naked skin with his fingertips. “i’ll take you home, hmm? have fun, babydoll.” and so he let you go, your head spinning and your friend’s words sounding all jumbled together.

the hours passed quickly, between one drink and another, not enough to make you drunk but enough to make you feel lightheaded. however, the feeling in the pit of your stomach had not abandoned you, in fact it had only increased. now you were in the car with him, in the passenger seat, you two were driving your friend home. and once you were alone, silence had fallen, but it was a silence full of desire, as if there was no need to speak to know what was going to happen soon. very soon. “baby..” you turned your head towards him, reaching out to caress his hair, now tied in a small ponytail at the back of his head. “i really, really need you.” the words had come out fluidly before you could even think about them, your voice full of need, of desire. taking his hand, already resting on your thigh, bringing it even higher until it collided with the edge of your panties.

the car suddenly stopped, luckily you were on a not very busy street and almost immersed in nothing but pitch black so it was rare for other cars to pass by. in no time you were on top of him, his mouth attached to yours, drinking you up desperately. hands squeezing your ass, pushing you down on his clothed erection, making you feel how much the whole situation was anything but indifferent to him. moaning against his lips. starting to move your hips against his cock, panting as you felt how hard he was. “need you so bad..” your voice was needy, pulling away from him just so you could look at him with pleading eyes, thinking that you could easily come just by seeing him with labored breathing and messy hair, totally fucked.

now he had you turned, back against his chest and the car visor lowered so you could see yourself in the small mirror. legs spread, blushing violently at the thought of being completely exposed to his merce. “you wanted to play, then let’s play.” he said huskily in your ear, making you want to clench your thighs together in search of some relief but being stopped by his hands that kept them well spread. “eren..” your voice was begging him, lifting your hips slightly as one of your hands went back, squeezing his dark locks, not thinking you could resist any longer. you needed him to touch you right now. “what a messy girl.” he quipped at the way your thighs seemed to spread wider at those word, your impatience made him feel lightheaded. his fingers stroking softly along your wet folds through the panties’ fabric. his breathing fanned along your neck and his lips curled when you shuddered into him, drinking in the twitch of your thighs and the muffled whimper slipped from your lips when he collected your slick, trailing it up to ease the first roll of your clit.

he watched your hips twist under his touch, making him press down on the sensitive bud harder before he's finding a pace and rubbing at you with two fingers. your hands grabbing at his forearm with every sinful circle of his fingers against your cunt, whimpering needily against his body and it's almost like you're begging him not to stop, and that only drives him to press into you even harder, more eagerly as he get lost in the way your lips part to moan when he finally sinks his fingers into your pussy. penties finally pulled to the side. “so fucking wet, my pussy it’s always so ready f’ me." he groaned, his tone wavering with the weight of his arousal. he took a handful of your breast through your shirt, grinning when he realised you've decided to go out without a bra tonight, rolling and twisting at the sensitive peak as you whimpered. “such a dirty girl..” eren’s words were heavy, only making the slick between your legs intensify, making it easier for him to sink his fingers into your tight walls, pressing them against the swollen, sensitive spots inside of you with every practiced twist of his wrist. your clit was getting puffier, more swollen with each graze of his palm against it and he couldn't help but pull out of your cunt to rub your slick around it. so so sensitive to his touch.

“e — eren.. ” you gasped, trying desperately to muffle your moans when you looked over to cast him a starry-eyed look, one that lured him in for a kiss that made the whole car spin as his other hand rolled your sensitive nipple between his thumb and forefinger. drinking in your next languid moan of his name, licking into your mouth with such an intensity that made you gasp.

“that's my girl, fuck — ” your thighs trembled around him, breaking apart from the kiss wetly to let your head fall back against his shoulder. he kept up his movements, sinking his fingers into your clenching walls with every few swipes just so he could feel the way you were soon going to be squeezing around his length. letting you ride out your orgasm as you grabbed at him and your hips twisted and jolted with every rub of his fingers as they pulled back to roll your clit, prolonging your blissful state until you were pushing him away with a whimper and breathless pant. but he was breathing heavy from where his chin was pressed into your shoulder, grazing his lips along your jawline when he tapped on your clit. chuckling at the way the tiny aftershocks made you jolt before he gently tapped on your thigh.

you just could never win with him, you would always end up at his feet in the end. not only metaphorically.

©️ venjras.

[letsgetbigger]

OnlyFat

Nigel looked at himself in the mirror, as he did every morning, admiring his toned and sculpted body, the result of years of dieting and hard work at the gym. At 28 years old, he felt at the peak of his physical form. Firm muscles, broad shoulders, and a defined abdomen, along with his handsome face and sizable cock, had earned him a considerable number of followers on OnlyFans. While he wasn’t a millionaire, earning an average of about two thousand dollars a month allowed him certain luxuries and a pretty comfortable lifestyle. He enjoyed his routine. He filmed private videos, always eager to please, and responded to the strangest and most specific requests from his fans. No matter what they asked of him, he always found a way to enjoy it; perhaps due to his naturally submissive nature, something he had discovered long ago and now used to his advantage.

That Tuesday, as he checked the messages in his account, he came across a proposal that made him pause. It was from someone named Dom43, who had written to him several times before, though never with such a direct request. The message read:

“I’ll give you a thousand dollars if you gain ten pounds of fat in a month and send me a video of the results. No tricks. I want to see how you change. What do you say?”

Nigel raised an eyebrow and reread the offer over and over. It wasn’t the typical request he was used to. At first, it seemed strange, almost absurd. But the money—a thousand dollars!—was a considerable temptation. Plus, a part of him, the part that had always enjoyed obeying and submitting to others’ desires, felt a twinge of excitement at the idea. After a few minutes of thought, he shrugged and let himself go with his gut.

“I accept,” he wrote back.

He knew doing this would change something, though he wasn’t sure what. What he didn’t expect was just how much this would lead him down an unexpected path.

For Nigel, gaining ten pounds in a month didn’t seem like much of a challenge. And he knew that once he hit the goal and pocketed that thousand dollars, he could go back to his strict diet and regain his physique in a matter of weeks. It was just a simple detour, a small, temporary indulgence. Nothing serious. With that assurance, he decided to change his eating habits.

That same afternoon, he went to the grocery store, filling his cart with everything he normally avoided: frozen pizzas, pastries, salty snacks, and especially lots of tubs of ice cream, which he promised himself to devour every night. Salads were out of the picture for a few weeks. When he got home, the idea of indulging in unrestrained pleasure, of breaking the rules he had imposed on himself for years, turned him on. Even more so when he remembered he was doing it for Dom43, to fulfill his request.

That night, he sat on the couch in front of the TV, a pizza on one side and a tub of ice cream on the other, a smile on his face. At first, he ate because he was hungry, but soon that hunger turned into something darker, more intimate. He kept eating, even though he was no longer hungry. The mere thought of knowing he was stuffing himself, filling up to please someone, gave him a thrill he had never experienced before. When he finished, he lay back on the couch, gently stroking his slightly bloated stomach, feeling strangely satisfied.

***

Two weeks had passed, and Nigel had fully embraced his new routine of excess. He was eating as if it were a competition. The food filled him, but what really satisfied him was the idea of transforming his body at someone else’s request. He knew he was changing, that his body was reacting. And it was confirmed when he weighed himself: eight pounds gained. He was close to reaching his goal.

The next day, while working out, his personal trainer, Mark, noticed something different. Nigel was in the middle of doing crunches when Mark let out a mocking laugh.

“You’ve been slacking a bit, man,” he said, giving Nigel’s stomach a light tap. “You’ve put on some weight. And not just around the belly…” Mark added, motioning toward his backside.

Nigel laughed, trying to hide the heat rushing to his face. “Yeah, well, I’ve been indulging a little—nothing serious.”

Mark shook his head, but the comment stuck with Nigel. That teasing remark hit deep. It didn’t bother him, though. On the contrary, he liked it. For the rest of the workout, he couldn’t stop thinking about how his body was changing, about how much Dom43 would enjoy watching him soften up.

When he got home, he quickly stripped off his clothes and looked in the mirror. He touched his stomach, which was no longer as flat as it once was, and caressed the soft roundness beginning to form on his rear. Mark’s words echoed in his mind, and at that moment, Nigel couldn’t resist any longer. He collapsed onto his bed and jerked off, reaching the most intense climax of his life. What had started as a simple game to make some money had now completely consumed him.

The month had come to an end, and Nigel was ready. He carefully set up the camera, making sure the lighting was perfect, bright enough to highlight every change in his body, to show Dom43 the results of his effort. He stood in front of the mirror, took a deep breath, and began undressing slowly, recording the whole process. First, he removed his shirt, revealing his torso. His chest, once firm and defined, now had a slight sag to it. His belly, swollen and covered by a soft layer of fat, folded into rolls when he bent slightly. Then he pulled down his pants, leaving him in his tight white briefs, which now clung to him like never before. His thighs were noticeably thicker. But the real surprise came when he turned around. His ass, bigger and rounder, seemed to want to burst out of the tight fabric. The briefs could barely contain it. He gently touched his ass, feeling its fullness. Without missing a beat, he moved to the scale he had placed in front of the camera. He stepped on it carefully, watching the numbers climb rapidly. And there it was, the number that left him stunned: 191 pounds. He had gained fifteen pounds instead of the ten Dom43 had asked for. Five extra pounds, the result of his complete submission to food. Seeing the number, Nigel instantly got hard, unable to help himself.

“A hundred and ninety-one...” he muttered to himself.

Without thinking any further, he let the excitement take over. He jerked off in front of the camera, his breath ragged, and his moans filling the room. He did it for Dom43, but also for himself, for everything he had discovered about himself in the process.

Once finished, he sent the private video with a mix of anxiety and satisfaction, eagerly awaiting Dom43’s response. It didn’t take long to arrive: a payment confirmation accompanied by a comment that made Nigel shiver. “You’re a pathetic pig. You gained all this weight just because I told you to. I love it.” Nigel read aloud quietly. “I’ll give you ten thousand dollars more if you gain another twenty pounds in two months. Do you dare to become my fantasy?”

Nigel sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his still-naked, slightly sweaty body after the recording. His phone’s screen glowed with Dom43’s message: ten thousand dollars to gain another twenty pounds. The offer was tempting, too tempting. With that kind of money, he wouldn’t have to make more videos for months. He could take a break from his online life and focus on something else. Just the thought of that financial freedom made him feel relieved. But there was something more—a deep desire to please Dom43, to follow his orders, to submit to whatever he asked. It consumed him inside. He had discovered a new form of pleasure. Every pound he gained, every humiliating comment, ignited something within him that he had never felt before. Pleasing Dom43 had become almost an addiction. Yet, fear lingered in the background. He had already gained fifteen pounds, and although he initially thought he could lose it easily, he was starting to doubt whether the same would be true for thirty-five pounds. What if he couldn’t? What if continuing to gain weight destroyed the success of his OnlyFans account?

***

Nigel never imagined he would lose so much control. What started as a challenge, almost a game, had become a new reality. In just a month and a half of nonstop eating, he had gained the twenty-pounds Dom43 requested, pushing his body to limits he had never thought possible. Now weighing 211 pounds, the man he saw in the mirror was almost unrecognizable. His belly hung over the waistband, his thighs rubbed together with every step, and his once firm chest now bounced lightly with each movement. But the most shocking transformation of all was his ass, now enormous, two soft masses that jiggled with every step. And for some reason, that excited him more than it scared him.

When he arrived at the gym one afternoon, Mark greeted him with his usual mocking grin.

"Well, look who's here: my star client," Mark said sarcastically, his eyes scanning Nigel’s new body.

Throughout the workout, Mark made constant comments about his weight. Every time Nigel did a squat or lifted weights, he could feel Mark’s eyes on him, watching how his belly wobbled or how his ass strained against his shorts, which barely contained it anymore. But the most intense moment came after the workout when Nigel stepped out of the showers. As he was drying off, he noticed Mark watching him from across the locker room.

"Jesus, man..." Mark said, his eyes trailing over Nigel’s naked body. "You're huge. Like, seriously."

Before Nigel could respond, Mark stepped closer and gave him a smack on the ass. The sound echoed in the room, and Nigel’s butt cheeks rippled under Mark’s firm hand like jello. Nigel felt his face heat up, a mix of shame and arousal spreading over his skin.

"Damn," Mark laughed, "that moves like jello. What have you been eating, ice cream by the gallon? You’re getting obese, dude."

Nigel couldn’t answer, his throat dry, his mind stuck on the echo of Mark’s words. Obese. It was the first time anyone had called him that, and instead of being offended, the word hit him like a lightning bolt of pure desire. He tried to laugh, but the sound came out weak, almost choked.

He stood in front of the camera, taking deep breaths as he prepared for his second private session with Dom43. Like before, he undressed slowly, savoring each moment. He pulled off his shirt, revealing a torso that no longer had any trace of the firm muscles he once prided himself on. His chest was soft and round, visibly moving with each breath. His nipples had widened and felt unusually sensitive as he brushed his fingers over them. Then he slid off his pants, left in the same white briefs from the previous video. This time, they felt like a cruel joke. The edges dug into his hips and thighs, squeezing him in a way that was both uncomfortable and intensely arousing. His swollen belly hung slightly over the waistband, which seemed ready to give up the fight. Nigel turned to face the camera, letting it capture the most obvious change of all: his ass. It completely filled the briefs, making them look absurdly small. The fabric was stretched to its limit, with the tops of his cheeks spilling over, exposing the crack as if the briefs couldn’t possibly contain so much mass. He gave a slight shake, and his ass jiggled, continuing to bounce for a few seconds before settling. Seeing himself like that—so exposed, so impossibly large—sent a wave of arousal through him that nearly made him lose control right then and there. Nigel couldn’t help but smile. He knew Dom43 would love seeing what he had accomplished. The high point of the video came when he stepped onto the scale, carefully positioned in front of the camera. He showed the result: 211 pounds. Thirty-five pounds more than he weighed when this all began. He couldn’t help himself; the thrill of having transformed for someone else, of having fully surrendered to it, overwhelmed him. Once again, he masturbated in front of the camera, but this time, the orgasm was more intense, more liberating. His breath grew ragged, and every curve of his body shook with the force of his release.

When it was over, he sent the video to Dom43. The payment came through quickly, but what made Nigel’s heart race wasn’t the large sum of money. It was the words that followed.

“You’ve become my obedient pig. You’re good for nothing but getting fatter. You should be ashamed of how far you’ve fallen, but the worst part is, I know you love it.”

Nigel swallowed hard, feeling a knot tighten in his stomach. It was true. He loved every humiliating word, every cruel comment that made him feel smaller, more submissive, despite his growing size. But it was the last line of the message that left him frozen.

“I’ll give you twenty thousand dollars if you gain another thirty pounds.”

***

Nigel was nervous. It had been over two months since he last filmed a video for his regular OnlyFans subscribers, and now, with his body drastically transformed, he had no idea how they would react. He wanted to see if the weight gain had changed anything, if his fans were still interested in him despite the fact that he no longer had the muscular, chiseled physique that had attracted them in the first place. Deep down, he hoped it wouldn’t matter too much, that they would still desire him, and that he wouldn’t have to rely on Dom43 to stay financially stable. He set up the camera like always, but this time, he took a longer look at himself in the mirror. It was incredible how much his body had changed in just two months. His body felt heavy. Every movement made him more aware of his size.

"It's just a video," he whispered to himself, trying to calm his nerves. "I just want to see how they react."

He stood in front of the camera, shirtless, revealing his round, soft torso, wearing only a pair of black briefs that used to be loose on him. He did the usual gestures he used in his videos, showing his body from different angles, touching his chest and stomach, running his hands over the areas now covered in fat.

He uploaded the video.

The first responses came in quickly. As soon as he read the comments, his fears were confirmed. There was no acceptance, no admiration. Just criticism, mockery, and, above all, shock.

“What happened to you? You used to look incredible, but now you look like a different person,” wrote one of his longtime followers.

“You’re huge! And not in a good way. What kind of joke is this?” added another.

The comments kept coming, each one harsher than the last. They called him fat and disgusting. Some even felt betrayed by the change, as if Nigel had deliberately hidden what he’d been doing over the past few months. Others openly laughed at him, making fun of how his body had lost all definition. Nigel read every word, feeling a mix of humiliation and indescribable excitement. He had expected a negative reaction, but the brutal honesty of their attacks surpassed all his expectations. Far from feeling defeated, something dark and deep inside him awakened. Each insult, each criticism, made him feel more alive, more aware of his body and what he had achieved. The taunts about his physique didn’t discourage him; they aroused him in a way he couldn’t ignore. It was as if those words freed him. He didn’t want to go back. He wanted to push forward. He turned off his computer screen and lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Dom43 had offered him twenty thousand dollars to gain another thirty pounds. Thirty pounds that would transform him even more, taking him to a new level of submission. He had thought about rejecting the offer, about going back to his former physique. But after reading his fans’ comments, after feeling the impact of their words on his body, there was no longer any doubt. With a smile on his face, Nigel decided he was going to accept the challenge. He was ready to fully give in, to see just how far he could go.

***

Nigel stopped going to the gym altogether. Every morning, he woke up to the same routine: eat, jerk off, and eat more. His appetite seemed endless, and his libido was out of control, higher than ever. The discipline he once had had crumbled, replaced by an obsession with giving in to food and the thrill of his own transformation. His clothes no longer fit. The jeans, tight shirts, and briefs that had once defined his muscular figure now wouldn't even make it past his thighs or tore when he tried putting them on. Soon, he realized the only piece of clothing that still fit him was an old tracksuit, and even that didn’t fit well—it was so tight that the fabric stretched ridiculously, and his belly stuck out. He only wore it when he went out to buy more food, but at home, he spent his days completely naked.

In three months, Nigel had gained another thirty-five pounds, surpassing even Dom43’s challenge. His body was unrecognizable, and the scale didn’t lie. He weighed 246 pounds, a number he’d never imagined reaching. His thighs were so thick they had changed the way he walked. His belly was soft, round, and hung over. His arms, once firm, were now wrapped in fat. And his chest, completely soft, jiggled with even the slightest movement. He knew it was time to film the video for Dom43. He prepared in the simplest and most provocative way possible: completely naked, with a box of donuts by his side and the scale ready to show the result. The camera started rolling, and Nigel let himself get caught up in the moment. He grabbed one of the donuts and bit into it slowly, letting the sugar slide down his lips as he chewed exaggeratedly. He knew Dom43 would love to see him like this, enjoying the food that had turned him into what he was now.

“I’ve surpassed your challenge,” Nigel said, his voice thick with pleasure as he bit into another donut. “Another thirty-five pounds. I hope you’re happy.”

He stood up with difficulty, his ass visibly bouncing as he walked toward the scale. He stepped onto it with some effort, and it stopped at 246 pounds. Nigel showed the number to the camera with a satisfied grin on his face.

“246 pounds,” he said with pride in his voice. “But that’s not all.”

He grabbed a measuring tape and started measuring his body. First, he wrapped it around his waist.

“Fifty inches,” he announced, staring at his belly.

Then he measured his ass, which had turned into a massive ball of fat, and the number was just as shocking.

“Fifty-three inches. I can’t even fit in my office chair.”

Nigel paused for a moment, looking at the camera with a euphoric expression.

“All of this... is for you, Dom43. I hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am.”

He ended the video with one last bite, chewing slowly as he jiggled his whole body while masturbating. When he finished, he turned off the camera and collapsed onto the couch, panting from exhaustion. He sent the video to Dom43 and waited, knowing the response wouldn’t take long. When it came, it was exactly what he expected.

“You’ve exceeded my expectations, pig. I never imagined you’d reach this point, that you’d become such a mountain of fat for me. Look at yourself, you’re pathetic, completely out of control. And you know what? I love it. You’ve done everything I asked and more. You’re the perfect submissive fat boy. You’re good for nothing but eating, getting fatter, and letting others laugh at you. But I must also say, I’m proud of you. You’ve proven you’re completely mine, willing to transform yourself this way just to please me. You’re incredible, in the worst way possible, of course, but that’s exactly where your greatness lies.”

Nigel stared at the screen, absorbed in the words. He had done everything Dom43 had wanted. And yet, he felt he could go further. The idea of gaining even more weight, of leaving behind any trace of his former self, called to him with unstoppable force. Without thinking too much, he typed the question that had been on his mind for days, a question that made him tremble with anticipation:

“How much will you pay me if I reach 300 pounds?”

The silence that followed for a few seconds was deafening, but Dom43’s response came quickly.

“I’m not paying you anything. This time, you won’t do it for the money. I want you to do it for me, because you can’t stop yourself now. I want you to gain until you reach 300 pounds just to please me, because now you know that’s the only thing that turns you on. You’ll do it because you belong to me.”

Nigel took a deep breath, feeling each word of that message wrap around him, filling him with a mix of submission and absolute pleasure. He knew Dom43 was right. It was no longer about the money. It was about something much bigger. What had started as a simple desire to fulfill a fantasy had become his reality. With trembling fingers, he typed the only thing he knew he could say at that moment, the only thing his mind and cock screamed for with overwhelming clarity:

“I’ll do it.”

[bekkathyst]

The trees know me.

Growing up, I always knew there was something off about me. People treated me differently than they treated others. From the adults in my life, I heard that I was simply too sensitive. It was too easy to hurt me, I was too vocal about my emotions, and it would be better if I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself. In early school, I would get adopted by friend groups, but once I reached high school there was no real space for me. For the first couple of years I stuck with a certain friend group and later left when I realized half of them didn’t even know my name. People often referred to me as “the tall girl with glasses”, or even “the weird tall girl”. My appearance was just as strange as my personality, and people found me off-putting. I didn’t understand so much of what my peers said and did. I couldn’t understand why the people around me didn’t seem to have the same strong moral convictions, the same desire for self expression and the same disdain for the expectations of authority. I had, and continue to have, such a rich inner world in my head that it began to feel like I didn’t even need to have other people around.

Of course there must have been many others who felt the way I did, but it was too hard to connect with them for fear of the same bitter rejection. For a while, it made me angry and cold. My home life was so terrible, and school somehow could feel even worse at times. All I wanted to do was run away and escape, and at 17 years old, that’s what I did. I left school and left home and tried to grow up as fast as possible. I feel that in a lot of ways, this just made me even more isolated. I started to have no idea what people my age said and did anymore, and now, over a decade later, I still feel a massive disconnect with other people my age. I never quite belong; I’m never quite accepted. I now live on the other side of the world from where I grew up, and a lot of times, I feel the same insecurities I did so many years ago. People started strange rumors about me and my family, questioning why I didn’t have a normal job and questioning how I even supported myself.

My family has been living in this village for over 400 years, but since I grew up across the world, I am considered an outsider. My age old inability to act in a normal or expected way when meeting new people just fuels their skepticism, and it feels like I’m trapped in this horrible cycle of ruining my chances of ever having a real community.

Every time I ruminate about this, I remember one thing. The trees know me. They welcome me when I visit them. The glacial streams that flow through the woods recognize the blood in my veins. I know I belong here. I belong here because the forest embraces me and pats my head and tells me I’m home. I will never doubt again.

[rabbidbunwy]

Hi, dear!! Hope you've been well!! ^^

Would you be interested in writing a fic about Gojo finding out his s/o is trans fem (amab)?

Thanks!! Remember to stay healthy ^_^

Love you still

Contents:Gojo x Trans!(male to fem)reader--cute-fluff-sweet-confession-cuddles-kissing

i'm no english native so sorry for some mistakes

please reblog 🔁 and like❤️

P.s: i never done this kind of subject before so sorry if it's not good but thanks for the reminder to stay healthy love,you too ⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

@muzansslxt @candy69gurl @kiwicopia @satorkive @ponderingmoonlight @kurominiiiz

For a few moments, Gojo was silent. This had come as a surprise to him. He'd been with this person for a while, and had seen nothing to suggest that they were transgender. But here you are, sitting there on the bed with a worried look on your face, having just told him this.

"And you thought I wouldn't want this? Babe, just because your gender is different than when we first started dating doesn't mean I don't love you anymore."

He reached out, wrapping an arm around you, pulling you close. A long, happy sigh escapes your chest as Gojo holds you tight, telling you how much he loves you. Despite the revelation of your gender identity, he doesn't seem to be at all bothered by it. Your mind is at ease now, reassured by the fact that he's completely fine with it.

"I love you. So much." Satoru murmurs into your neck. You look up at him, gazing into his icy blue eyes.

You lean in and kiss him gently on the lips. It's a slow and tender kiss, filled with both passion and deep affection. Satoru wraps his arms around you again, pulling you closer and holding you in a warm embrace. You don't hold back, letting all your emotions pour into this moment. The kiss becomes more intense, deeper and more passionate. You are both completely immersed in the moment, completely lost in the love and desire that is shared between you.

As you pull away, you're both left panting and gasping for breath. You can't help but smile at the intensity of the kiss, and you lean your head on Gojo's shoulder, feeling content and safe in his arms.

"I love you, Satoru. I always will." you whisper. A soft sigh escapes his lips, and he kisses the top of your head.

You sit there in comfortable silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the feeling of being wrapped in each others' arms. Finally, Gojo speaks up.

"You know I'm gonna be with you no matter what, right? Your gender doesn't change anything. If anything, it just makes me love you even more."

He smiles, and you realize that you've found the person who truly loves and accepts you for who you are, unconditionally.

You feel tears welling up in your eyes. Tears of happiness, relief, and gratitude. He holds you even tighter, gently stroking your hair as if to say that everything will be alright. The fact that this powerful sorcerer, the strongest in the world, is willing to stay by your side no matter what warms your heart

"I know, Satoru. I know."

You can feel Gojo's heart beating against your cheek, a comforting rhythm that helps you relax. You close your eyes, just letting yourself be held in his arms. The fact that he's so supportive and accepting of your gender identity fills you with a sense of security and love.

"So" Gojo says after a few moments. "Does this mean I get to go shopping with you for girls' clothes?"

You look up at him, a little surprised by his question. But then you see the mischievous glimmer in his eyes and realize he's just teasing you. Still, the very thought of going shopping for girls' clothes with Gojo… it's a little mortifying.

"Um… sure." You say, blushing a little. You never thought you'd be going shopping for clothes with your boyfriend, but here you are.

Gojo laughs, amused at your embarrassment. He leans over and plants a kiss on your forehead.

"I'm just joshin' with you, babe. You don't have to look so mortified."

He grins, clearly enjoying this a little too much. You roll your eyes, but secretly, you find it kind of endearing how excited he is.

He takes your hands in his, intertwining your fingers.

"But seriously, if you want to go shopping, I'll go with you. I'll even carry the bags and be your personal shopping assistant."

You can't help but chuckle at the image of Gojo carrying around a bunch of shopping bags. It's both funny and oddly sweet at the same time.

He looks at you with a sly grin.

"And by the way, just so you know, I have very good taste in fashion. I'll help you pick out the cutest outfits ever."

You scoff lightly, knowing that Gojo's fashion sense is often questionable. Still, you have a feeling that shopping with him might be fun after all.

Gojo chuckles heartily at your response, his eyes sparkling with mischief. He leans down and starts peppering kisses all over your face, his lips brushing against your cheeks, your forehead, your eyelids, and finally your lips.

With each kiss, he lets out a soft, low laugh, clearly enjoying himself. You can feel the warmth of his breath against your skin, and his hands gently caress your face as he continues to shower you in kisses.

After a few more moments, Gojo finally pulls away, looking down at you with a satisfied smile. His eyes rake over your face, appreciating the blush that he's brought to your cheeks.

"I love covering your face in kisses, he whispers, his voice slightly husky. "You look so cute when you get all flustered like this."

You playfully nudge him in the chest, unable to hide the rosy hues on your cheeks.

"You're so cheesy, you know that?" Gojo just grins wider, not at all sorry for being cheesy. He enjoys seeing you like this, all flustered and blushing because of his attention. He pulls you closer, wrapping his arms around you.

"And you love it. Admit it."

You can feel your heart fluttering in your chest. Gojo's right, of course. There's something about his cheesy, over-the-top affections that you secretly enjoy. It makes you feel special and loved. You lean against him, burying your face in his chest to hide your embarrassment.

"Yeah, yeah, I do love it. Happy now?"

Gojo hums in contentment, feeling victorious. He runs his fingers through your hair, his touch gentle and affectionate. He pulls you even closer, resting his chin on top of your head.

"Very happy."

He pauses, then adds in a low voice. "You know, the more you blush, the more I get the urge to kiss you senseless."

You can feel your face burning even more at his words. His voice is so damn sexy, and the way he says things like that with such confidence makes your stomach do somersaults. You pull back just enough to look up at him, and you see the mischievous glimmer in his eyes again. He's clearly enjoying getting you all worked up like this.

He reaches up to cup your cheek with one hand, his thumb gently tracing the blush on your skin.

"See? Look at how cute you are when you're all flustered, he murmurs, his voice dripping with adoration. "It's downright addictive."

He leans in and brushes his lips against your earlobe, his breath warm on your skin. "So addictive… I don't think I'll ever get tired of this."

© rabbidbunwy all rights reserved. do not copy, repost, translate, or modify my work without my permission. thank you for reading and supporting my work

[cheerycherrycandy-resurrected]

What You've Done, You Cannot Undo (Medieval AU)

Epilogue

As summer fades, the ghouls settle in further. New friends and relationships blossom, and a new band performs their first ritual in the local village.

Rating: M Content: possessive behavior Words: 4812

Links to full fic: Tumblr | AO3

Not bad for a fic that was meant to be 5 chapters and about 15k words… this was supposed to be a quick little fic that I wrote before moving on to write the longer soulmates AU I’ve been planning since around March! 

As I think I've mentioned, this isn't the end! This was always supposed to be a Raindrop fic, and so Swissalps's story will be continued in a sequel. I'll be dropping the first chapter shortly, and I have a special invitation for it if anyone wants that in their ask box! message me or reply if you'd be interested?

I can't let myself get too sappy here or it'll end up longer than the chapter itself. But thank you to everyone who's been so lovely about this fic in replies or reblogs (especially looking at @everybodyshusband @cosmicseafoam @jazz-bazz @0-miles-away @papaslittlesunshine @ligovskaya @midnight-moth @karmicbias @kentuckyfriedsatan and anyone who's AO3 username I haven't correlated to a tumblr blog yet!), I wouldn't have stuck with this so long without you guys 🖤🖤

Read below, or on AO3!

The weeks passed, the summer fading further every day. With the final harvests nearly all brought in and the trees painting themselves in a hundred shades of amber and gold, autumn was finally upon the Abbey. No amount of dulling of the colours of nature could dull the passion of Rain and Dew’s relationship however, even as they found themselves slipping into a routine. For the Abbey’s fire ghouls, it was all hands on deck to help keep the grain dry, yet amidst his busy schedule Dew still found ample time to luxuriate in him and his pack’s safe and comfortable new home. Most importantly though, he thought, he had time to spend with his m– Rain.  

Dew had to stop himself for the thousandth time from thinking of Rain as his mate. To him, the rituals were practically complete. Having passed on his amulet, he had opened his heart and shared his soul. For Rain though, he knew they were only at the end of the first step of the many that comprised a water ghoul's courting ritual. They had many months left before Rain would have completed his side of the tradition; the next step being gifts that were less about being pretty, and more practical gifts for their future together. Dew had no way of knowing that Rain was already hard at work on that front; taking advice from his new pod of water ghouls on the best kinds of kelp to harvest from the lake here, and the weaving patterns that would create the softest possible blankets from it. Dew was happy to wait for Rain however; even if it took millennia, he would wait for him. 

As the weeks passed for Dew and Rain and their relationship grew both deeper and stronger, Swiss and Mountain continued to dance around each other, both backing out of making the final move at the last second. Their friendship had never been stronger, and with that came the higher pressure of what was a stake if their feelings were not reciprocated. 

Aether could see straight through their – at times – comedically oblivious behaviour. He had known Mountain for so many years now, and Swiss a great number too, that he could decipher the thoughts running through their heads just like reading a book. Seeing his pack couple off like they were doing could have made him feel lonely and jealous, he supposed. Considering his thoughts however, he couldn't find a scrap of negativity towards any of them. Really, he was just happy to see his pack happy.  

He had a fulfilling life; a pack, new friends around the Abbey. Aether had always said that he was happy alone, with no desire to settle with a mate. Admittedly, Mountain had said something similar when they first met, but Swiss seemed to have been an exception there. Over the recent weeks since Cumulus had properly introduced them, Aether had especially been enjoying getting to know Cowbell. The quiet ghoul's steady, timeless attitude felt grounding amongst the recent chaos of his life, and Aether could tell they seemed as delighted to have made a new friend as he was. 

Aether’s role in the infirmary was also going better than he could have expected. Astra had quickly seen how unnecessary any training she could offer him would be, and had set him up mentoring some of the younger quintessence ghouls. To his mild amusement, he had gained a small gaggle of quintessence ghouls who followed him around the infirmary like little ducklings, hanging on his every word and keen to lap up every scrap of knowledge he imparted. Aether found he enjoyed that side of his new role more than he had expected, and looked forward to teaching the younger ghouls each shift. 

With the Harvest Festival quickly approaching, one of the main tasks of the infirmary ghouls had been to prepare a supply of tinctures and remedies for the ghouls and siblings alike who would inevitably indulge a little too heavily in the Abbey’s famous blackberry wine. Due to his extensive knowledge of medicinal plants and herbs, Astra had delegated the task of organising this to Aether, who had grasped the extra responsibilities firmly. 

Before the festival however, came the one thing that was more exciting to the pack; Swiss, and Copia’s first musical engagement in the local tavern. Sunshine and Mountain were also heavily occupied now in rehearsals for it, the three ghouls – and one human – doing an excellent job of hiding their nerves from the rest of the pack. 

The pack was something else that had grown stronger at the Abbey, thought Aether. It hadn’t taken long for the five ghouls to begin to see the ghoulettes they lived their lives in such proximity to as more than just casual friends. Dew had clearly seen them as family long before the others had, but within the span of time they had been here the other ghouls also came to see them as an interwoven part of their lives. 

The ghoulettes, Cirrus and Cumulus in particular, had been referring to the new ghouls as pack, long before they were aware of it. The Den had become so much more crowded and noisier since they arrived, but none of the ghoulettes would change it for the world. The Abbey could feel large and lonely at times, and the constant presence of at least one member of the newly extended pack made everything feel cosier.  

Indeed, the concert – Aether still found calling it a “Ritual” to be laughable, although he would be happy to be proved wrong – was to be their first true pack adventure. The nine ghouls, plus Cowbell, Copia and several Siblings of Sin, were all planning to make the journey down the hill to support their leader’s latest passion project. Cowbell had offered to drive them in the large horse and cart usually used for their monthly grocery runs to the village, and as such the event was developing quite a party-like atmosphere. 

Even amongst the ghouls not attending, most either too busy or incapable of holding an adequate glamour, the day held excitement and novelty. There was a general buzz in the air throughout the Abbey, and it was riding this high that inspired most of the ghouls to finalise their remaining chores before the harvest festival the following day. 

One ghoul in particular who seemed to be buoyed along by the jubilant environment was a young, dark-haired fire ghoul. He was comparatively new to the Abbey, arriving some years after Dew left. Swiss was hurrying back to the Den, bringing armfuls of freshly-washed clothes from the laundry when the fire ghoul strode up to him with a self-assured, almost cocky, grin. 

“Good luck for tonight,” he purred in a low voice like treacle, reaching out a muscular arm to lay a hand on Swiss’ own bicep, “I’ll be at the festival tomorrow, if you want to get a celebratory drink together?” 

Swiss stood confused: he couldn’t remember ever speaking to this ghoul before, and certainly not in a way that would cause him to be so familiar with him. He hoisted the pile of clothes further into his arms, trying to think of a polite was to ask who he was exactly. 

“I, um…” Swiss trailed off, distracted by a low noise ringing in his ears. He shook his head slightly, trying to dislodge it but to no avail: if anything, it seemed to be getting louder. A dark and earthy scent suddenly assaulted his senses, and he wondered if he was falling ill, or if he had been cursed or something. It seemed the fire ghoul could feel it too though, as Swiss saw the colour drain from his face, rendering his tanned, olive skin an ashy grey. His terrified eyes were fixed on a point above and behind Swiss, and he stood frozen like a deer caught in a ranger's torchlight. Swiss cautiously turned around, half expecting to see some kind of nether-worldly monster oozing out of the wall. 

All he saw was Mountain however, stood tall and stony-faced with a dark aura emanating from him. The added height of his antler-like horns meant he cut an imposing figure. His lip curled into a snarl as he growled again, and a new wave of that woodsy, almost possessive scent washed over Swiss. As much as it seemed to be scaring the fire ghoul, Swiss thought it smelled divine. He smiled at Mountain with a questioning head-tilt, wondering where this strange behaviour was coming from so suddenly. The Earth ghoul’s eyes were fixed on the fire ghoul however, who managed to unfreeze for long enough to stutter out a disjointed sentence. 

“I’m sorry!” He looked like he was staring straight into the face of death himself. “I didn’t know, I’m sorry!” 

With a jerk of his head, Mountain dismissed him, sending the terrified fire ghoul scuttling down the hallway as fast as he could run, his tail between his legs. Once he was out of sight, Mountain seemed to calm down. His expression softened, and the air around him seemed lighter again.  

“What was all that about?” Swiss asked, confused by the earth ghoul’s sudden black mood, and the even more sudden departure of the unknown fire ghoul.  

Mountain muttered something Swiss didn’t catch and started relieving him of the large bundle of black clothes in his arms. Swiss trailed back to the Den beside him, still utterly confused by the interaction that had just taken place. 

“Was I meant to know who that was?” He mused aloud. “He acted so familiar, yet I can’t remember him from anywhere!” 

Mountain almost dropped the clothes, as he doubled over and snorted with laughter, previous aggressive attitude long behind him now that he had the multi ghoul to himself again. Was Swiss seriously that clueless about the fire ghoul’s unsubtle actions? Ever since he’d known him, Swiss had been taking advantage of the humans’ proclivity for flirting with him, often reciprocating if he thought it would secure him more work, or tips and favours. He couldn’t think what would have changed now to make him so oblivious, unless it was simply that it was another ghoul, rather than a human? 

“He was clearly flirting with you, Snapdragon!” Mountain guffawed in disbelief. “Could you really not tell?” 

Swiss’s quizzical expression suggested that no, he had not been aware of that. Adding to his confusion was Mountain’s reaction: he seemed to be finding the fire ghoul’s actions funny now, but what had the growling and – he realised what it was now – scenting been about? The bounce in the taller ghoul’s gait could only be described as victorious, and he chose to file all the hope about why that could be away until after their performance tonight. That wasn’t a distraction he would allow himself today, not when Copia was relying on him. 

Swiss had a suspicion however – one he kept to himself – about why he hadn’t grasped what the fire ghoul was really suggesting, and it had everything to do with the earth ghoul trotting slightly ahead of him. He was self-aware enough to know his feelings for Mountain bordered on infatuation, and he figured that now he had become used to the intensity of those feelings that he had forgotten what anything smaller felt like. The thrill of attraction, or of a newly developing crush felt so insignificant now that they were dwarfed by the magnitude of his feelings for the earth ghoul. He only had eyes for Mountain, and the thought of anyone else thinking they stood a chance in the battle for his heart was laughable to him. Hastening his steps to catch up with Mountain, Swiss fell into step with him to revel in being by his side once again. 

Reaching the Den just before they did was an excitable Dewdrop. He burst through the main door, and then into the room he shared with Rain, brandishing a dull metal object. 

“Look!” He exclaimed to a slightly startled Rain lounging in their nest. “A horseshoe!”  

Rain could see that, although what he couldn’t see was why Dew was quite so excited about such a mundane object. He smiled at him with a questioning tilt of his head and waited for Dew to elaborate. 

“The humans do something with them at weddings,” Dew explained as he joined Rain on the bed, still clutching the curved iron shape, “something about them catching luck? I thought we could hang it on our door!” 

He held it out for Rain to examine, demonstrating how it could look like a vessel for capturing luck when held in a U-shape. Rain took it from him, and it really was just a regular horseshoe: slightly rusted and worn down from use. More interesting than the horseshoe though, Rain realised that this was the first time Dew had ever brought back something to keep for himself. He let Dew chatter on about needing to find a hammer and some nails, if they should think about painting their door before or after mounting the horseshoe, and what colour Rain would like if so, would he like teal? Rain nodded along, only half his mind on the conversation. The other half was preoccupied celebrating this relatively large step for Dewdrop; this was yet more proof that he was finally starting to settle properly and relax, putting down roots for himself and Rain, finally feeling a sense of permanence. 

“I got it when I went to see Cowbell just now,” Dew elaborated, “to check if they’re all ready to drive the cart down to the village tonight. They were just reshoeing the mare we brought with us from the village, so that means this shoe played a part in getting us out of there! It really is lucky!” 

Rain melted further. It was becoming increasingly apparent that deep down Dew had the potential to be an incredibly sentimental ghoul, and he couldn't wait to see how that continued. 

“It seems to be working so far then,” Rain murmured, holding it up, “I've had nothing but luck since you came back for me.” 

With that, he leaned in to steal a kiss; both the horseshoe and all talk of home décor soon being forgotten. 

The day seemed both to drag and pass all too quickly at the same time. Before they knew it, Swiss, Mountain and Sunshine were all dressed, and carefully buffing the metal masks that were a part of their outfits one final time. Copia had decided they added a nice touch to their costumes; the shining horns hinting at their ghoulish nature without actually revealing it. The whole Den was alive with excitement and nerves, the fervour growing as the light outside began to fade. 

Walking out to the front courtyard to meet Cowbell with the cart, Swiss proudly led the way with his guitar strapped to his back. This felt familiar, and more importantly it felt right; doubly so with Mountain by his side. Cowbell was leaned against the wooden trailer, as human-looking as anyone could remember ever seeing them before. They were smiling softly, although slightly apprehensively, as the pack approached. Behind the pack followed the Siblings of Sin, who had initially been keen for an evening out but now seemed to be regretting their decision. Swiss could smell the waves of alarm pouring off them as they got closer, none of them used to interacting with the ancient ghoul who lived in the stables. 

“Good evening, dear ghoul!”  

Copia greeted Cowbell as he bustled forward and hoisted himself up next to them at the front of the cart. The rest of them would be travelling in the back, even though none of them were particularly keen to be sharing the space. They had no choice however, and the Siblings dutifully lined up behind the crush of ghouls that were piling in and jostling for space on the narrow wooden benches. Rain and Dew happily squeezed themselves into a corner, and Swiss settled himself into another; Mountain willingly joining him and shuffling closer until their thighs were pressed tight against each other. There was eventually space made for everyone and with a jolt, the cart set off. The sudden motion and continued bumping along the cobbles of the courtyard threw Mountain even closer into Swiss. Even once they were onto the smoother path into the village, he remained plastered along Swiss’ side as the countryside flew by.  

It really was a beautiful evening, Swiss though as he glanced out at the trees and fields around them. The orange sunset cast its glow over everything, making the whole world look like it was on fire. Most vibrant of all however was Mountain; his auburn hair glowing in the light like it was itself aflame. With his large horns glamoured away, the russet glow was all that served to make him appear as otherworldly as he did. Swiss thought that the whole world around them could truly be on fire, and he would be happy to sit and burn if only to stare at Mountain for a second longer.  

They continued rattling down the hill towards the village, and Swiss felt a pang of longing when he spotted Dew with his head leaning on Rain’s chest; held against his front by the water ghoul's long arms. He wished he could be so casually affectionate with mountain, but he dared not. He wouldn’t allow himself to dream that until he had first concluded the hard part – making sure they really were both on the same page. He didn’t deserve such a reward without the prior work, he thought.  

All too soon they were slowing to a stop outside a wide stone building that was emitting a narrow stream of smoke from its chimney: the village tavern. The Siblings practically fell out of the cart, their instincts screaming at them to put some distance between themselves and the ghouls. 

“Go, my Children, enjoy yourselves!” Copia laughed as they threw themselves towards the tavern door. 

The ghouls were only slightly more restrained as they clambered down and spilled into the building. Cowbell made no move to follow the others inside, instead staying next to the pair of horses, stroking one's nose. Aether paused, looking back at them. 

“You aren't coming in?” he asked, worried that the ghoul didn’t realise that they were welcome in too. Cowbell shook their head. They didn’t like crowds, especially human ones, as the noise and bustle were too much for their deeply ancient mind to handle. Despite that, the biggest thing stopping them now however was their appearance: Cowbell gestured to their feet, where Aether saw that their hooves were very much still visible. 

“My glamour’s incomplete,” they shrugged, “’m out of practice. It’s been centuries since I last used it.” 

One day, Aether thought, he would ask Cowbell just how old they really were. He suspected it was millennia. 

“Go inside with the others,” Cowbell smiled a wonky smile, “I’ll be happier listening out here anyway. Besides, I have company.” They stroked the second horse. Reluctantly, Aether followed after the rest of the rabble he called pack, throwing a final look back at Cowbell. They were muttering something in the horse’s ear while continuing to pet them. It sounded to Aether like they were speaking Infernal, a language only spoken in the pit, or so he thought. The horse didn’t seem perturbed though, and she whinnied happily at the attention. 

Inside the tavern, the atmosphere was jovial already. The large room was dimly lit, wood-panelled walls and supporting columns all stained dark with years of fire and tobacco smoke. Scattered across the panelling were a patchwork of lighter sections from recent and less-recent repairs. The only lighting came from lanterns that lined the walls and hung directly from the vaulted ceiling, as well as a small number of candles dotted on tables that lent a cosy and friendly air to the place.  

Better lit however, was the makeshift stage against the wall. It was slightly raised, simply built from a few wooden planks resting on crates, but it did the job. On the other side was the bar, its countertop polished as smooth as glass from generations of patrons leaning on it. Along its length were a line of stools with faded fabric covers, and the remaining floor space was filled with a hodgepodge of tables and chairs, scattering in increasingly private settings ranging from the centre of the room to corners almost entirely shrouded in darkness. 

Leaping lightly onto the stage, Copia looked resplendent in his robes, with his face painted black and white in the mimicry of a skull. Swiss thought he cut an imposing figure, when he wasn’t turning around to look at his ghouls with nerve-tinged excitement at least. The man stretched his arms out wide, the candlelight flickering off his bedazzled chasuble and truly making him look like the head of the dark church. 

Before long, the tables began to fill up with locals, intrigued by the talk of visiting musicians from the mysterious Abbey up at the top of the hill. Rain, Dew and the other ghouls not performing settled themselves at the table nearest the stage, Dew looking particularly excited and practically bouncing in his seat beside Rain. Swiss didn’t know what had overtaken him recently, but he seemed so much lighter and carefree now. He assumed it was Rain. The bustling crowd completely filled the tavern as the four musicians took their places on stage. Swiss caught Mountain’s eye once he was settled on the box he used as percussion. He saw the twin green flashes of his eyes behind his mask wink at him, silently wishing him luck. Swiss beamed back at him, his teeth glinting in the firelight through the bottom of his mask. With a final tune of his guitar, and another smile at Sunny, Swiss nodded to Copia and the man addressed the crowd. 

The ritual passed in a blur, and before Swiss knew it, they were leaving the stage to rapturous applause and cheers. As he stepped down onto the solid floor, Swiss had a large beer thrust into his hands by a grinning stranger. The jubilant atmosphere continued as the night wore on, the ghouls and their Papa swept up with the crowd, never finding their tankards dry. Even the ghouls who had not been performing seemed to be having fun, spending the local money Copia had given them to allow them to fit in and enjoy the night. The man himself was circling through the crowd, inviting anyone and everyone to the Abbey’s harvest festival the following night. His plan to spread their message was going better than any one of them could have imagined, and he had gained the interest of several curious village members.  

The noise and ruckus were proving too much for Aether however, and after a while of watching Dew and Swiss race each other to down their pints, he grabbed a pair of tankards and slipped out the door. Another musician had taken the stage, an accordion player, and Aether found Cowbell tapping along to the beat on the frame and iron wheels of the cart with two sticks like it was a drum kit. Aether chuckled as he approached. 

“Copia ought to make the band all wear floor-length robes, then you could join them!” 

Cowbell looked slightly sheepish at being caught, but their forked tongue slipped out as they smiled anyway. They joined Aether where he perched on some crates and accepted one of the beers gratefully. Apart from the rhythmic sound of one foot and one hoof tapping on the ground, they sat in a comfortable silence; two friends enjoying each other’s quiet, unhurried company. 

Back inside, Swiss could feel every drop of alcohol going to his head, and he thought Mountain must be feeling it too. The night was blurring together into a busy cacophony of singing, cheering and laughing. The one thing he could feel coherently was the constant, grounding pressure of Mountain’s hands on him. The earth ghoul had slunk across the tavern to join him, then barely let him go all evening, always keeping a hold of his waist or hip, or letting their shoulders press against each other. If their tails weren’t safely hidden away, Swiss had the feeling that they too would be braided together.  

In his fuzzy mental state, he wasn’t entirely sure what could have brought such behaviour on. The almost possessive twinge to it, like Mountain was trying to ward the humans off, was making his him feel even more floaty than the alcohol. Running on a high from the successful performance, Swiss couldn’t find the mental energy to really care about why Mountain was suddenly glued to him, he only cared that he was. He saw Rain and Dew similarly pressed together, and his inebriated mind let him convince himself that they could be the same, if just for tonight. 

Whoever was on stage currently seemed to know the audience well and was gradually convincing more and more of the tavern’s patrons to dance to the jig he played. The humans pressing close, swirling and stamping to the beat, swept the ghouls up in their fervour. Swiss soon found himself pressed closer to Mountain, dancing partners even without indenting to be, the pair clutching each other's arms for balance as they ebbed and flowed with the tide of the crowd. 

As the dance ended, Swiss fell against Mountain’s chest. The earth ghoul held him close while they both caught their breath and laughed at the exhilaration. For a while, they held each other and swayed to a slow dance only they could hear. Hearts beating in sync, Swiss looked up at Mountain to see him already staring down at him. His peridot eyes were at the centre of his vision, the only thing Swiss could focus on. They seemed to grow and expand to fill his field of view, and Swiss only realised that this was because they were getting closer together when the twin points of light blurred out of focus.  

Swiss’s eyes fluttered shut, and with his vision gone all his other senses heightened in response. He could feel Mountain’s breath against his face and could smell the sour note of beer in it, although he didn’t find that as off-putting as he supposed he should as he stretched up on his tiptoes to bring them closer still. Swiss felt rather than heard Mountain’s final sigh against him, before the soft yet insistent press of Mountain’s lips to his shook him like an earthquake. With all their prior hesitancy washed away by the free-flowing liquor, Swiss pressed back instinctually, throwing his arms around Mountain’s shoulders and holding on like his life depended on it.  

Time meant nothing to the pair as they ignored the general ruckus of the crowd around them, and the chorus of whoops and cheers that Dew was leading. It was like all the background noise had faded away leaving only them stood in a world of their own. Before long, although it was really several hours at this point, Copia was desperately trying to shepherd his sleepy, tipsy ghouls and the Siblings into the cart to head back to the Abbey. They had a busy day tomorrow, he reminded them, as he had promised all the villagers that their little band would be performing at the harvest festival too.  

Slowly, they all stumbled out into the brisk night where Aether and Cowbell were waiting, three sheets to the wind themselves. Swiss and Mountain had managed to make it over the threshold of the tavern without separating, but getting into the cart proved more difficult. Breathing their own air for the first time in a while, they unsteadily clambered into the trailer, cramming themselves into a corner to continue where they left off, despite the jeers from the ghouls around them. 

“Even we're not that bad!” Swiss thought he heard Dew crow from somewhere behind him. 

Eventually, they had made the short trip back up the hill and were all bumbling back into the Abbey, still drunk off free beer and good energy. Kiss broken, Swiss continued to hold Mountain's hand as he pulled them into the Den and their room. He kicked his boots off, uncaring where they landed as they tumbled into bed, still giggly and touchy but both too tired to do any more than that.  

“Today was fun.” Swiss purred sleepily, as he wriggled in Mountain's arms. The earth ghoul was almost asleep already as he hummed in affirmation. Quickly, they fell into a deep, contented sleep. They could think about what the events of tonight meant for them in the morning. 

To be continued... 

[fawnandshadows]

How You Get The Girl

The Final Chapter - Chapter 26

AO3 ~ Masterlist

warnings: none

Word Count: 6.3K

“I’ve been thinking.” Elain said, her hand flat on Azriel’s stomach. His ripped muscles contracting under her touch as Elain gently caressed his skin.  

“I love your creativity, Elain,” Azriel said in a deep, husky voice. “But I have to say you’ve tired me out, which I really didn’t think was possible.” His sleepy chuckle caused desire to run through Elain’s veins. 

There was something about Azriel’s sleepy voice that elicited the desire to do the dirtiest things to him. It was so dark and warm that it fell over her like a velvet blanket. 

A slow grin spread over Elain’s lips. 

They were making the most of their time alone together. Having sex in almost every room of the house, Elain found she was especially fond of the sun room with its natural light – casting Azriel’s beautiful body in a golden glow –  while Azriel preferred her sprawled out in front of the fireplace in the dancing light of the flames. They were trying to cram as much as they could into the days they had Rosehall just to themselves. Like two teenagers running around before the realities of the world separated them. 

In a few hours, Rhysand and Feyre would be joining them, arriving right before lunch and Elain had already planned the menu for the meal she’d make for everyone. Something light and refreshing and subliminally begged her sister to not be angry that she and Azriel hijacked their time at Rosehall – not that Feyre would be upset, but Elain still wanted to make the effort.

Azriel turned out to be a great partner to have in the kitchen, cleaning up her mess without ever having to be asked. And Elain loved giving him little samples of her food because every time she asked him how something tastes, Azriel would think about his answer. Turning the food over on his tongue before giving his honest feedback. It was just nice that he took her so seriously. He was thoughtful in every aspect of his life, but it made her melt to be the focus of his consideration. Azriel was thoughtful in a way that made her feel cherished – thoughtful in a way no one else had ever been to her.

Elain suppressed a giggle as she trailed her fingers closer to his hips where the white sheet was tangled. The urge to take a picture of Azriel in his afterglow all sprawled in messy and mused sheets nipped at her.

“That wasn’t what I was thinking about,” Elain admitted, but she pressed closer into his side as the ache between her thighs pulsed in delight. “But I’m glad you think I’m creative.” She smiled shyly at him. 

Everything with Azriel was different. She didn’t hide from him, and whenever she got an idea she shared it freely. The lingering insecurities would most likely always stay with her, at least for sometime, but with Azriel she knew she was safe from judgment or censure. 

Azriel shifted onto his side, propping one hand under his head to look down at her, a soft smile on his lips. Wild, inky, bedheaded strands fell over his forehead and into his hazel eyes. He reached forward and grasped her kee to pull one leg over his hips. 

“And you surprised me with your flexibility.” Azriel said into her neck, his lips moving over her pulsing veins. 

“Yoga is the only physical activity I like.” Elain breathed as Azriel’s warm lips met her skin. 

A small noise sounded from the back of Azriel’s throat. 

“The only physical activity?”

Elain could feel his smirk against her neck as she raked her fingers through his thick hair. 

“Ok, it’s my second favorite.” Elain said, grinding her hips into his and Azriel groaned at the movement. 

“I think it’s best if you just tell me what you’re thinking, beautiful.” Azriel said, pressing a kiss into her shoulder and brushing back her tangle of golden hair. He pulled back to look at her face, sensing that whatever she said was going to be important. 

“Well,” Elain started, taking a deep breath and pulling back slightly, delving further into the down pillow. “I already mentioned that I wanted to stop modeling,” Azriel nodded, watching her carefully to see where this was going. Encouraging her gently with his eyes. “And I’ve been writing more and more lately…I think I want to try to do it full time. Try and get something original published, you know? It could all blow up in my face, of course, we don’t even know if I can write original fiction, but I’d really like to try.” 

Azriel wrapped his fingers around hers. His thumb gently rubbed circles against her soft skin.

“I think that’s amazing, Elain,” Azriel said softly, taking in the hesitant joy on her face. He’d read her work and genuinely enjoyed it. Mor was the one that monitored her fanfiction account for security purposes, but he’d always found himself going back to see if she’d posted. “Your fics get a crazy amount of interactions. You’re incredibly talented. And I happen to know for a fact that you could write original fiction.”

“You do?” Elain asked, raising a slim brow. 

Azriel nodded and said, “When I read your work, it’s separate from the original source. The characters are familiar enough, but the way you create plots and wind everything together, it’s all you. And not to mention that your writing can stand on its own. You have talent, Elain.” 

Elain’s heart stopped in her chest and she took in his words. A rosy glow swirled through her.

“You’re only saying that because you got laid.” Elain mumbled, blushing as she squeezed his hand. 

“Hey,” Azriel said, his dark brows furrowed together, and he used his fingers to lift her chin up to meet his eyes. “Don’t do that. Don’t discredit your own talent.” 

A stinging pricked at her eyes and an overwhelming sense of luck made her feel like she was floating. 

“Thank you for saying that,” Elain whispered, her heart tying itself into a knot in her chest. She scooted even closer to him. “I’m grateful to have you in my life. I know my sisters love me, but I never really felt like I’ve someone in my corner like this before.” 

Azriel's eyes softened as he ran a comforting thumb over her delicate chin.

“I love you.” Azriel said huskily in a thick voice, his eyes bright and golden and full of emotion. 

“I love you too.” Elain said, leaning close to him and brushing her nose against his. 

“I love you more.” Azriel teased, pressing his lips against her. 

“Prove it.” 

— — — —

“Ah, fuck,” Azriel said, furiously sticking his foot through the leg of his jeans. Balancing on one leg as Elain rushed around the room as someone feverishly pounded on the front door. “Don’t they have a key?”

Elain slipped her purple sundress over her head, fluffing her hair and desperately trying to tame any flyaways. 

“How do I look?” Elain asked, her cheeks bright and pink and flushed. He wanted to take a bite of her.

“Like you just had the most intense orgasm of your life.” Azriel said, zipping his jeans and grabbing the wrinkled white t-shirt on the ground. 

Elain groaned and hid her face in her hands, her golden hair curtaining her arms. 

The knocking sped up another notch. 

“Who the fuck died?” Azriel said in a clipped tone, annoyed that his time with Elain ended this way. He stepped towards Elain and gently grasped her wrists to pull her hands away from her face. 

She gazed up at him with wide, vulnerable brown eyes. 

“You look beautiful, Elain.” Azriel said honestly, relieved that some of the tension had eased from her shoulders. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but the knocking sounded off again. 

“Fuck.” Azriel said, rolling his eyes before spinning on his feet and charging out of the room. 

“It’s just Feyre and Rhysand.” Elain said behind him. Her soft feet padded across the floor to keep up with him. “Probably.”

“Don’t they have a key?” Azriel asked, flying down the steps. 

“Yeah.” Elain said, her voice trailing off and Azriel knew she thought this was as odd as he did. 

Azriel whipped open the door to see a frenzied Feyre and Rhysand looking at them apologetically, a sleeping lump in Feyre’s arms known as Nyx snoozed heavily. 

“We’re really sorry about this,” Feyre said at the same time Rhysand said, “We tried to stop them.” 

Two more cars pulled into the long driveway, dirt and gravel kicking up into the air, and Elain felt her heart deflate in her chest. She recognized Cassian's car and registered that the long hair in the passenger's seat belonged to Nesta, but the other car could only belong to one other person. 

Elain bit back a groan as she saw her parents exit the car, both of them pinning Elain and Azriel with the weight of their stares. 

— — — — 

Azriel was the first one that liked her post. 

It made her smile even though she was tucked into his side, curled up on a loveseat in the corner of the room. Her parents were somewhere in the kitchen far, far away from the rest of the family, but Feyre and Rhysand were laying on the couch in front of the fireplace, and Nesta and Cassian were off doing something that Elain didn’t want to think about. Based on the heated looks that those two had been throwing each other's way, Elain had missed a lot in the one week she’d been away from the world. 

“You really do have a talent. '' Elain whispered to Azriel, looking at the pictures she just posted and ignoring the steady flow of incoming notifications. The first was the one that he had taken of her in the garden on the day he helped her move — she never even saw him there, but he saw her. He had always seen her. And then she swiped to the second picture, the one that was leaked. She debated whether or not to post it, and after talking through it with Azriel, she knew she had to. Elain loved the picture that Azriel had taken and she wanted to reclaim it. Own it. She wanted to show off her boyfriend’s talent, and she wouldn’t let something so lovely be tainted. And the third and final picture. The one of her second tattoo, the tiny heart on her ribcage that Azriel had inked on her while they were at Rosehall…. Azriel and Elain were standing in front of a mirror and while Azriel was wearing a tight, black t-shirt, Elain was only wearing a pink, floral, flouncy skirt…and Azriel’s hands. His hands were big enough to hold all of her breasts, and Elain had made sure to crop the picture into a close up, so that only their forms in the mirror could be seen and nothing else in the room around them. 

A high-pitched squeal sound from the couch and Elain couldn’t help the excited smile that spread across her lips. Butterflies were working overtime in her stomach. 

Feyre’s head popped up from the couch in a way that reminded Elain of the Whac-A-Mole game. Her golden brown hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun and her blue eyes were bright and alert as she took in her sister curled into Azriel’s side - Feyre’s smile took over half her face. Rhysand slowly appeared behind Feyre, his face not nearly as lit up as Feyre’s, but he gazed at her in soft adoration.

The white light of her phone illuminated her face as Feyre read in delight, “‘LOVE OF MY LIFE?’ ‘MY BOYFRIEND IS TALENTED?’” Feyre threw her head back in a cackle and kicked the arm of the sofa in excitement. “Why don’t you just tell the haters to f off?” Rhysand pressed his lips into Feyre’s hair, hiding his smile over her enjoyment. “Hard launching your hot boyfriend while showing off how talented he is? I have to share it.” 

Elain’s phone buzzed with a notification as Feyre liked, commented, and shared the post to her story. She knew if she clicked on Feyre’s post she’d see a slew of hearts and fanfare. 

“Hot?” Rhysand said, his brows knitted together and his violet eyes fixed Azriel with a glare. Azriel just shrugged at him, but Elain got the feeling he was smirking. 

Heavy footsteps thudded down the stairs with muffled voices speaking over each other. 

“You bitch!” Nesta exclaimed, skidding into the room wearing Cassian’s boxers and t-shirt and somehow making it look fashionable. Cassian stood behind her in only gray sweatpants with a giant smirk on his face, both of their hair needed brushing. “You hard launched Azriel and didn’t tell me. Ugh, I would have tagged all those nasty bitches that called you a whore.” 

“Nesta!” Elain shouted, hiding her face in Azriel’s chest, his strong arms wrapping around her, but his body shook as he laughed at Nesta’s words. 

“Fuck, you guys look good,” Nesta said, zooming in on a picture. “Azriel showing off his eight pack looks hot as hell, and while also showing off his hand size? Flaunting your hot boyfriend is just the start of your revenge,” Nesta held up her hand palm-side out. “I’m not about Azriel accidentally leaking a dick pic, just so everyone can see how good you’re getting it.” 

“Hot?” Cassian said, drawing back in outrage as Elain tossed a pillow at her sister.

“Dick pic?” Elain said, lifting her head from Azriel’s chest and staring at her sister. 

“Well, yeah,” Nesta said, looking up from her phone and placing a hand on her hip. “People have been slut shaming you online for weeks now, and showing off how hot Azriel is just the beginning. We need a full blown plan of attack.” 

“Hot?” Cassian said again, even louder than before. 

“Yeah,” Feyre said, nodding and looking back and forth between Cassian and Rhysand. “It’s about time you guys learned that Azriel is very, very good looking.” 

Azriel chortled into Elain’s hair. He whispered into Elain’s ear, so no one else could hear him, “Make sure Nesta never goes on my phone.” A shiver raked through her body, but she playfully elbowed him. 

“I feel the need to point out that I agree,” Elain said, raising her hand and smiling brightly. “I’m going to love showing you off.” She looked over her shoulder to Azriel who was gazing at her with a smile on his lips and a blush on his cheeks. 

Cassian sighed with his entire being. 

“We know that Azriel is hot.” Rhysand said, causing Azriel to groan and hide his face in Elain’s hair. 

“We were just hoping that you two,” Cassian continued, his index finger moving back and forth  between Nesta and Feyre. “Didn’t notice.” 

Rhysand nodded his head in agreement. 

Heavy, less excited footsteps hurried down the hall and Elain felt some of the joy she was feeling dim out a bit. She steeled herself as her parents entered the doorway, her father carrying Nyx on his hip. 

“Mama!” Nyx called out, his hands outstretched and making grabbing motions towards Feyre on the couch. 

Her father slowly walked across the wooden floor, his expression neutral and he handed his grandson to his daughter. 

Her mother’s manicured hands lifted to her hips and her eyes narrowed into slits. 

“Are you pregnant?” She asked in a cold, detached voice. 

Elain’s body froze and she couldn’t stop the “No?” that eeked out of her. 

“You’re not sure?” Her mother asked and Elain felt about two feet tall. 

“Of course I’m sure,” Elain asked, steadying her voice as Azriel’s hands tightened on her body in comfort. “I’m just surprised that you asked,” Elain paused for a second, and her irritation took over as she continued. “Azriel and I use condoms.” 

“Yeah,” Nesta snorted. “Just look in the bathroom trash.” 

Elain’s face burned, but Cassian quietly scolded her so Elain didn’t have to. 

“So glad our family lake house was the perfect place for your sexcapades,” Her mother stated calmly through narrowed eyes, causing Elain to cringe and fight off the humiliation that was itching underneath the surface of her skin. “I —”

Azriel’s body tensed behind hers, and Elain dug her nails into his arm to keep him at bay. 

“Ew,” Feyre cried, covering Nyx’s ears. “Mom, can you please not say that?” 

“Well, your sister is the one who made our home into a den of iniquity, so I hardly I think —” 

“Helena,” Elain’s father cut her off in a stern voice. A voice that Elain knew he tossed around during his business meetings, but she could count on one hand the amount of times she heard it used on family members. “Could you please retract your claws and stop attacking our daughter.” 

Elain felt her jaw drop. 

Her mother’s shoulders snapped back at the words and she fixed her cool gaze on her husband. 

“Richard,” She hissed. “Your little girl has been shacking up,” Her mother gave an exaggerated shiver. “In our family house, and you’re defending her? I mean,” She held out a hand towards where Elain and Azriel were curled together on the couch. “Look at the man she has chosen to tie herself to. We were supposed to be planning her marriage to Graysen by now.” 

“I have seen him,” Her father said, his blue eyes flashing towards where the loveseat and Elain leaned deeper into Azriel’s warm embrace. “And I’ve seen the way he’s protected her despite all the trouble it’s caused both of them, and I’ve more than seen and understood the reason that Feyre is alive because of him,” Azriel’s body tensed around her and a pall cutrained the room at her father’s words. “So, if Elain wants to spend her life with him, then we sure as fuck aren’t getting in the way.” 

Her mother pursed her lips and leveled her father with a cool glare. 

“If you say so, darling,” Elain’s mother said coldly, undoubtedly embarrassed to have been spoken to like that in front of an audience. “I know that’s what we agreed to before we came here,” Helena struck back her shoulders into perfect position, and Elain felt floored at the revelation. That her parents had not only spoken about her choices, but apparently accepted who she chose to spend her life with. It didn’t surprise Elain that her father had an easier time accepting Azriel than her mother did. “I apologize.” She jerked her head at Elain and Azriel. 

“Thanks.” Elain said, feeling oddly removed from her body. She felt Azriel nod behind her. 

“And we also wanted to let everyone know that dinner is ready,” Her father said, outstretching an arm to lead to the large doorway behind him. “Please dress accordingly.” He looked sternly at Nesta, who begrudgingly nodded her head and left the room with Cassian hot on her heels. 

“Nyxie needs his dinner as well.” Helena said, her voice infinitely more soft when talking about her grandchild. Even though her mother wouldn’t have been happy if she was pregnant, Elain thought, she knew her child would be doted on by her parents.  

“You got an empty belly, buddy?” Ferye asked Nyx, her fingers dancing over his rounded tummy, causing his little feet to start kicking. 

Feyre and Rhysand quickly left for the kitchen, Helena following behind them. 

Elain slowly stood from her spot on the loveseat and she knew that Azriel echoed her movements. She moved across the floor and wrapped her arms around her father’s tired form. 

“Thanks Daddy.” She whispered as she squeezed him tightly. Emotion flooding through her in a way that nearly knocked her over. Overwhelming relief that almost brought her to tears. 

She knew that there were battles that she and Azriel would have to fight down the line, but knowing this wasn’t one of them made her feel like she was standing in sunshine. 

Her father awkwardly patted her on the back, slightly unsure of how to react. 

“I just want you to be happy.” He said softly. Elain tightened her eyes shut and pulled him in closer before taking a step away and giving her father a watery smile. 

“I am happy.” She said, reaching back to clasp Azriel’s left hand. 

Her father gave a firm nod of his head before sticking out his hand to Azriel. 

“I can’t remember if I ever properly thanked you for what you did for Feyre,” Richard said, his voice thick with emotion but somehow still stern. Azriel placed his hand in the open hand. “I know you’ll protect Elain.”

“With my life.” 

“Hey,” Elain elbowed Azriel in the ribs. “That won’t be necessary.” 

Azriel dropped her fathers hand before wrapping Elain in his arms and kissing the top of her head.   

Sensing a private moment, Elain’s father quietly slipped out of the room. 

Elain turned in Azriel’s strong arms and pressed a kiss to the underside of his sharp jaw. 

“It’s the truth,” Azriel said, pressing another kiss into her soft hair. The smell of honey and jasmine lulling his senses. “If something was to happen to you…I’d make sure it’d happen to me first.” His voice was so quietly, deadly serious that Elain’s heart dropped to her feet. 

“Just know that it would go both ways.” She said, looking up at him, her stare unwavering. 

“Elain, I’m not worth—”

“Yes,” She said, firmly cutting him off and not-so-gently clasping his chin in between her fingers so that he couldn’t look away. “You’re worth it to me. To your mother. To Rhysand and Cassian. Feyre and Nesta. And Nyx. So, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not as expendable as you think you are.” 

Azriel’s eyes were bright as they narrowed at her, and Elain knew that there were ghosts in his brain knocking around his own insecurities, but she wouldn’t let them win. 

She raised herself to her tiptoes and pulled him into a light kiss. They’re lips softly brushing against each other in tenderness. 

“So it’s decided,” Azriel said against her mouth. “We’re both staying alive.” He gave her a slow, languid kiss that made her toes curl. 

With his forehead resting against hers and their lips barely touching in what was the barest hint of a kiss, Elain had never felt more at peace. For the first time she was truly looking forward to what was coming next. Knowing that no matter what, she’d have Azriel by her side. Her rock when life got so tumultuous she felt like she was drifting. Her comforting shoulder when she’s was so full of emotions that they’re spelling out from her. Her source of sunshine on days she felt the darkest. 

His large hands laid flat against the curve of her hips. Squeezing her gently as Cassian and Nesta passed by them, both appropriately dressed for family dinner. Cassian shot them a wolf whistle, and Nesta didn’t even scold him, she just looked at her sister with a knowing glint in her eye. 

“I’m telling them tonight,” Elain said in a low voice, peering up as Azriel brushed a strand of golden hair behind her ear. “That I want to pursue writing full time,” Azriel’s dark eyebrows shot up his forehead in an unasked question. “I don’t want to hide anymore,” She said, feeling light and free. “Plus it will make for good dinner conversation.” 

— — — — —

ONE WEEK LATER 

“How does this taste?” Elain asked, holding a wooden spoon out to Azriel. Her free hand held palm up to catch any dripping red sauce. 

His warm hand wrapped firmly around her wrist, steadying her as he brought the spoon towards his lips. 

Azriel’s handsome face was a study in concentration. Dark brows pulled together in a knot between sharp, clear eyes. While Azriel was giving the sauce his full consideration, Elain was giving Azriel the same in return. 

He looked even more handsome than usual in a crisp white button down shirt that looked delightful against his tanned brown skin, and if Elain looked really closely she could see the outline of Azriel’s abs. His black pants fit snugly over his butt that Elain couldn’t help but pinch it whenever he walked by. His sleeves were rolled up to show off some of the tattoos that were inked into his forearms, which combined with his ear piercings made the most delicious combination of formal and rebellious. 

When they were at Rosehall Azriel had left the majority of his jewelry at home, so when they had gotten back Azriel had started playing with his piercings again. Elain was happy to see her favorite little paperclip back in place. 

His pink tongue ran across his lips as he pulled away from the spoon. 

“Perfect,” Azriel said, nodding in approval. “It tastes just like how Ma makes it. She’s going to love it.” He wrapped his arms around her small frame as she turned back to the stove, stirring the sauce. 

“You’re sure? You aren’t just saying that to make me feel better? You can tell me if something is off, I want it to be perfect for your mom.” Elain said, not bothering to hide the worry in her voice. 

Her golden hair was piled messily on top of her head – she was not going to risk feeding Azriel’s mom one of her hairs, she even thought about using a hairnet, but vanity won out on that one – and her pink floral apron did a beautiful job of keeping her dress clean. She wore a cobalt blue dress made of crushed velvet that stopped mid thigh and garnished her shoulder with little sheer cap sleeves. 

“She’s going to be impressed.” Azriel said, his voice more than assuring Elain of his honesty. She relaxed enough to melt into his embrace. 

The timer for the garlic bread dinged as the doorbell rang out. 

Elain was already halfway across the room as she said, “You get the bread and I’ll get the door!” She tossed her apron on the hook and removed the slip from her hair, not wanting his mother to see how messy she got when cooking. 

Elain swiftly opened the door to find Paloma, Azriel’s mother on the opposite side, wearing a wide smile and carrying a canvas tote full of ingredients to make tiramisu. Her silver-streaked black hair fell in wild curls around her shoulders and Elain would have bet that if straightened her hair would fall well below her hips. 

“You look lovely, Paloma!” Elain greeted and opened her arms to take the tote, but Paloma pulled her in for a hug instead. Her fingers were heavily adorned with silver rings that Elain could feel their coolness through her dress. 

“You’re beautiful, as always Elain,” Paloma said before pulling away and spotting her son walking across the floor towards them. “You both have that glow that only young love can bring,” She pressed a kiss on Azriel’s cheek as he leaned down to greet his mother – Elain noticed his cheeks had turned a charming shade of pink. “I have a feeling you’ll be asking for your grandmother's ring in no time.” She poked him in his pec and Azriel’s cheek flamed brighter. 

— — — — — 

ONE MONTH LATER

“Elain?” Azriel called out, stepping into the dark and quiet apartment, his eyes searching for his girlfriend. His arms loaded down with plastic bags full of Chinese takeout. 

They were the only two in the apartment. Feyre was still deep into her training, so much so that she barely remembered to speak with anyone that wasn’t in her immediate vicinity. Whenever she got hyper focused on training, there wasn’t much room for anything else. Rhysand and Nyx were with her, supporting her and keeping her grounded, and Rhysand could never truly remove himself from his responsibilities – he cared too much, far more than he ever actually let on, so whenever he called or texted Azriel for updates, Azriel would manage to do the same in return. Soon after they hung up Rhysand would send out a picture of Nyx to the group chat, or let everyone know how Feyre was progressing. Feyre got the same when she was painting, but she didn’t have to seek the solitude of Rosehall for that, so it was easier for Elain to check in on her. 

Nesta had been staying with Cassian, in the same building, so it wasn’t uncommon to run into each other. And Nesta would pop up in the apartment from time to time, but their relationship was still budding and Elain and Azriel were both heartened by how seriously they were working on their relationship. Azriel had never questioned how well Nesta and Cassian would fit together, how much good they would do for eachother, but they ran so hotblooded and passionate around each other that he feared one spark could blow the entire thing up. They had different challenges to face than him and Elain. 

They had a double date planned with Nesta and Cassian later that week — Azriel had finally convinced Elain that she didn’t have to work on the weekends as well. 

She was so deep into her writing that she was shut inside for most of the day, leaving her computer to prepare food, (something quick and easy, Azriel had to remind her that pop tarts weren’t true meals) go to the bathroom, or sleep. Elain had tried writing at a coffee shop or library just to get out of the house, but both times paparazzi had swarmed her within the hour. If she needed a change of scenery, Paloma was happy to offer her little courtyard to Elain, cutting off access to the public when need be for “maintenance”. 

Azriel had asked for the ring, a simple band of gold adorned with a beautiful emerald, an elegant, classic beauty just like Elain, but it was tucked safely in his sock drawer. 

Logically, Azriel knew there wasn’t a perfect time, but there was a right time and it wasn’t now.  

Elain was so focused on her new career and he wanted to support her, not add any stress of planning a wedding or another new decision that would alter their lives. Because it would be different, being married wasn’t the same as dating. They would be married, eventually, but he wanted to enjoy every stage of their relationship. He didn’t want to skip ahead. 

“Azriel?” Elain called out, her voice speaking of her sleepiness. 

He flickered on the lights and Elain poked her head out of their bedroom doorway. She must have been writing in bed. 

Elain rubbed at her eye with a small fist as she walked towards this, greeting him with a gentle kiss and taking one of the bags from him. 

“You didn’t have to get dinner,” Elain said, placing the bag on the counter before pulling plates out of the cabinet. “We still have leftovers, I think, or I could have made us a salad.” 

“You were working all day, Elain,” Azriel said, wrapping his arms around her and she fixed them plates. Elain wasn’t getting paid to write, and she had a tendency to downplay her achievements, but Azriel wouldn’t let her. “And I wanted to treat my girlfriend to one of her favorites. I even got you extra egg rolls and more than enough to carry us through til the weekend.” 

“I love you,” Elain sighed before placing a kiss on the underside of his jaw. “I haven’t been neglecting you, have I?” She asked, dunking an egg roll in duck sauce before bringing it up to his lips. 

Azriel bit down in a crunch. 

“Of course not,” Azriel said, swallowing and squeezing his hold on Elain. “Just because you're focusing on yourself doesn’t mean you’re neglecting anyone else,” Elain nodded to herself, as if needing to hear the words and took a small bite of the egg roll. There was something about sharing food with Elain that always made him feel warm and doughy inside. “Now, do you want to watch a movie, or are you sick of looking at a screen.” 

Elain nodded her head and said, “Something mindless, please.” 

They fell into a routine. Elain spending her days writing while Azriel floated to whoever needed a bodyguard that day, and then they would alway pass their nights together. Either curled up on the couch or in bed together. Occasionally breaking their routine for a night out with their friends. 

“Azriel,” Elain called out and her voice shook him. It was the most scared she’d sounded in a long time. He hurried out of the bathroom in only his boxers with his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. 

“Babe?” Azriel asked, pulling his toothbrush out of his mouth. 

Elain was standing in front of her mirror wearing a bra – Azriel tried not to ogle how her full breasts were pushing out of their cups – and unbuttoned jeans. Her cheeks were twinged with paleness that spoke of her worry as her fretful brown eyes met his in the mirror. 

“What’s wrong?” Azriel asked, not seeing her in any pain and not seeing a spider he needed to kill. He vaguely wondered if something had been leaked again, but they had been careful and security ramped up their efforts. 

“My jeans won’t button.” Elain stated and her bottom lip quivered a bit and she stared at him, waiting for his response. 

Azriel knew he had to tread carefully, with her past and her relationship with food Azriel didn’t want to accidentally say the wrong thing. He’d love Elain no matter what her body looked like, and he had always appreciated the wide curve of her hips and the plushness of her body. Feyre and Nesta had leaner bodies, easier to tone and more geared towards athleticism, but during her modeling days (and due to her mother’s influence) Elain had forced her body to survive on the fewest calories possible. Now that she had stopped modeling and improved her relationship with food, her body had changed. 

He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand, not wanting to have toothpaste on his face for this conversation. 

“It’s just,” Elain surprised him by speaking again. “What if my writing career doesn’t work out?” Her voice was low and uneven. “And I have to go back to modeling? I don’t … It wasn’t healthy for me.” 

“Hey,” Azriel said, pulling her into his body and carefully holding his toothbrush away from her body. “You don’t have to model again. Ever,” He said gently into her ear, rubbing a comforting hand up and down her arm. “And if your writing career doesn’t take off, which it will,” He emphasized and kissed her bare shoulder. “Then you can try again. Whatever you want, I’ll be here for you.” He pressed a kiss to her collar bone and felt her shiver under his touch. 

“And you…think I look ok?” Elain asked, her voice breathless. 

Azriel pressed a kiss to the top part of her breast which was overspilling from its cup in a way that taunted him. 

“You’ll never be anything but beautiful to me, Elain,” Azriel whispered against her skin, his voice full with arousal. “And after we get back from dinner I’ll show you exactly how much I love your body,” He pressed a warm, open mouth kiss over the skin of her breast and sucked until a wet, purple mark appeared. He heard Elain swallow as he picked up his head. “But we can’t keep Nesta and Cassian waiting. Maybe we can go shopping this weekend if you’d like, and I can always help you work out, if you’re interested.” 

Elain nodded her head and smiled at him. 

“I’d like that,” She said and kissed his cheek, her face bright and flushed. “Another way for us to spend time together.” 

— — — — — 

ONE YEAR LATER 

Bright lights were shining down on Elain, but she refused to let them blind her. 

After a year, she had finally agreed to be on the show again with one stipulation. 

A name change. 

It was no longer The Archer, The Valkyrie, and The Face, but simply The Archerons. Something that Feyre and Nesta had easily agreed to, in fact they had even stood behind her and said they wouldn’t film unless production had agreed to change the name. And with Feyre set to return  soon to the Olympics, they couldn’t risk not filming.  

There was so much for her to say, Elain thought, staring down the camera. For once, she wasn’t filled with dread, but rather excitement to talk about her own life on her own terms. In the past year, she had posted on social media so sparingly that she had somehow gained followers, and what she did post gained so much traction and buzz that she somehow accumulated more fame and attention. 

Her book was one month away from being published. A fear so new and so different from what she had experienced before grew with each passing day. Elain was so proud of herself and scared to hear what the public thought about her work, but she was already well into her second novel. Another romance. Lucky for her, she thought as her mind drifted to Azriel who was standing somewhere behind the bright lights, she had a never ending source of inspiration. 

A sense of pride and accomplishment grew within her and she gained a confidence that she hadn’t had before. 

Yes, Elain thought, crossing her legs and cupping her hands over her knee, she was ready to speak. 

“Action!” 

~~~~~~~~~~

AN: Ok, I have never felt this bittersweet before. I have tears in my eyes and like the biggest smile on my face! It took me way longer than I thought to get to this moment, but this ending feels so perfect to me and I'm so glad I didn't rush to finish How You Get The Girl. Thank you so much to everyone who even read one chapter of this story and I'm sending the biggest, bestest hugs to anyone who has read through to the end <333333.

tagging: @123moiaussi @fuckmelifesucks @thefangirlofhp @sakurakittypeach @nikethestatue @tswaney17 @impossiblescissorspeachpaper @feyredarlinq @duskwhisperer @nyxreads @rinadragomir @secretpuppyflower @captainbrucebanner @ultadverb @irisesforelain @shedoessoshedoes  @magnolia-blossom87 @sheenabeene @nivem565  @casuallivi @rhysiedarling @elain99-blog @athena-85 @swankii-art-teacher @reverie-tales @jujugirlfrombookstore @shadowflorecita @shy-violet-soul @thisloveseternal

[renaiswriting]

Shadows of desire (part 15)

Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan/Reader

Summary:

You always thought the only romance you would experiment with in your life was the one between pages under the flames at midnight. That was until you found him, because the feel of his fangs digging into your neck was more than addictive.

Word count: +2.4k words

Warnings: mentions of blood, burning and pain. I think that's all.

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An icy finger was moving the hair that was falling over your closed eyes, and it wasn't until you felt the digit of his finger gently rubbing between your eyebrows that you realized you were frowning.

 

The cold finger was only part of the reason you felt like you had goosebumps covering all of your body.

 

It felt like your whole body was resting on a large chunk of ice; it was firm and held you tightly, as if it were afraid that if it loosened its grip on your waist a little, your whole body would start to melt.

 

Your teeth chattered loudly. You bit down hard on your lower lip, trying to stop the trembling a little, and it partially worked.

 

The original finger had been joined by four others, sliding delicately across the creases of your face. Outlining the contours of your lips and the bridge of your nose.

 

You tried to pull away, wanting to find some warmth outside of the icy grip, but a sharp pain in your neck forced you to abandon such a mission.

 

"Shhh," a thick voice whispered. Even feeling the warm breath close to your ear, the voice sounded distant, almost as if it were speaking from across the room. It sounded weak, almost without energy.

 

"Mmh?" You were able to ask, but your throat made it hard to speak, and even making sounds took much of your effort.

 

Your eyes were heavy, but with what little you had been able to see through the coarse line that had been created between your eyelids, you were in complete darkness.

 

You wanted to cry, but you didn't even have the strength for that.

 

"Does anything hurt?" The voice asked, and fingers quickly came to rest on your chin, moving slightly in the direction of what you suspected was his face. You let out an involuntary moan of pain.

 

Fingers rested on your aching neck, and for the first time, the coldness emanating from that body was welcomed by your own.

 

You tried to speak, but your dry throat could only emit a sound as wrenching as the pain you were feeling. Almost as much as the throbbing headache you had begun to notice was present every time you moved your head in the slightest.

 

"Don't speak," the voice hastened to instruct you. "Point it out to me."

 

Your eyes slowly opened, blurry figures welcoming you into a completely dark place except for a small window that could be no bigger than the palm of your hand, which was almost at the end of the wall, touching the ceiling.

You could witness a dark light, so you determined that it was soon to get dark.

 

How long had you been there? You had no idea.

 

A pair of thin, icy lips touched your forehead, placing a small kiss there. "You're alive." The voice sighed, sounding relieved.

 

Your eyes finally focused on Jeonghan's long blond hair; it looked much more unkempt than the last time you had seen it, and you wondered if this was also a creation of your mind, if you had finally gone without return to no sanity, and if, as many of the other children had told you as a child, you were going to follow the same fate as your mother.

 

But it felt so real.

 

So beautiful.

 

That for a few moments you didn't see what the problem with it would be.

 

You wanted to cry.

 

Maybe this shrinky moment would allow you to see your mother too? You didn't need much time; if that was an impediment, you just wanted a hug from her.

 

You missed her.

 

Very much.

 

The expression on Jeonghan's face slumped a little, and his shoulders slumped as if all the pressure in the world was there, resting on his back.

 

"What's wrong?" He whispered, his arms squeezed tighter around your shoulders, pulling you closer to his chest very carefully as he heard the first sob.

 

You wanted to open your mouth and tell him that nothing was happening, that the whole world was decaying in front of your very eyes, that you were afraid it was going to happen, that you wanted to run to your parents' bed like when you were a child and be held tight as you went back to sleep to protect yourself from the monsters, that you wanted him to promise you that it was real, that everything would be okay... But instead, hide your face in your hands with what little strength you had.

 

"(Y/N), it's okay, everything's okay, I'm here." Jeonghan whispered, stroking your hair, pulling it away from the wound on your neck. "Are you in any pain?"

 

You shook your head, pulling away from him after allowing yourself a few minutes of silence to compose yourself.

 

Your throat was so dry that even breathing made you ache. "Water," you asked as best you could. "Water, please." You repeated, afraid he couldn't hear you. You felt such desperation as if your life depended on every word and every second, and maybe, in a way, it did.

 

"I don't have any," Jeonghan swore, moving gently out of the place where you both were laying together. Your body shook when the icy feeling left your skin, but your heart ached for the feeling to come quickly back to you. "I have searched day by day and I couldn't find anything; they didn't give us anything. The little I could find in an old glass, I used it to try and clean your wound; it was kinda—er, it didn't look the best, and it was hard for me to be in this place with you like that." Jeonghan jumped really high, reaching the window and looking outside. You wanted to warn him that was dangerous but couldn't do more than a weak sound of protest. "I don't hear them here; I haven't heard anyone in a while now. They usually go to haunt at this hour since it is darker, but..." Jeonghan clicked his tongue, coming back to you. "Is your throat alright?"

 

"Just dry." You replied, sitting down.

 

"Slowly," Jeonghan mumbled, helping you. "Hi." He said with the same low and intimate voice, looking into your eyes. Even though the situation was awful and you were probably looking as bad as you were feeling, there was a small smile on his face.

 

"Hi." You mumbled back; the scene was so real that you were amazed by how well your mind worked. Even the wounds on his face couldn't take away his beauty. His hair fell on his eyes as if it were a curtain, and when your fingers reached out to touch it, you gasped at how real it felt. "How long are you going to be here before you disappear? I missed you so much."

 

"What are you talking about, love?" Jeonghan frowned, finally sitting down with you.

 

"I guess I finally lost my mind." You laughed, "It's okay. I guess this is better than nothing. I would rather be with an imaginary version of you than with not you at all."

 

"(Y/n), what are you talking about?" Jeonghan asked softly, "You're starting to scare me, love."

 

"Nothing," you reassured him, moving closer. "How long have we been here?"

 

"Around a week together, now you have been way longer on your own, and I got here a day or two later. I tried to find you and rescue you, but we'll, I guess that didn't work out as well as I expected." Jeonghan laughed with no humor at all.

 

"What happened when I left?"

 

"I got worried; I turned around, and you suddenly were nowhere to be found." Jeonghan started; his voice was chilling cold. "I started calling your name out loud, screaming so loud that I annoyed Soonyoung enough for him to start looking for you as well, we couldn't find anything but a slight scent of your perfume."

"I wanted to follow it, but it was almost morning and the sun was starting to make its way, so Soonyoung dragged me inside. He said I should wait until next night to follow it, that I couldn't go there on my own, but I couldn't help it; I was worried sick. Each minute inside my room meant a minute too late from rescue you, and I just couldn't stop thinking on the worst-case scenarios... So I waited until Soonyoung was busy enough to not pay me any attention to get outside the house and deep into the forest. Unfortunately, I didn't make it that far away before the burns on my skin were so bad that I was screaming. Soonyoung came in a second and dragged me back inside. He even told Vernon to keep an eye on me. I tried—trust me, I tried to come here quickly, to come back to you faster, but I just couldn't. Seungcheol apparently had already made it to their last stop before coming home and had managed to talk some vamoires into helping us, but it would take around another week for them to come back, and that was way too long. You could have been dead by the time they were back, so I took things into my own hands, and as soon as the sun was away, I escaped."

"I reached the house within hours, but in all that time I wasn't feeding well and my skin was still with pretty ugly burn spots; I was weaker than I thought; I put on a fight; don't take me wrong, but I found myself in this room way quicker than what I thought. That vampire, Mark I heard they called him and had your brother by his side. I tried to talk with him to warn him about what Mark was because, well, he was in danger, and so we're you, but your brother just stood there... It took me longer than I would love to admit it, but once I saw the dark eyes and the way there was dry blood in his lips, I knew we were dumbed. I thought maybe he was forced into drinking it—you know, some vamoires can be a little too—but then the night was coming to an end and suddenly he was being rushed inside the house."

 

"No." You shook your head. "Luke would never..."

 

"So I stayed here day and night, attempting to get out. But as the days passed, I wasn't feeding on anything; I still was starving and getting weaker and weaker. A vampire can't technically die by not feeding, but I felt as if I was dying. I was reaching the dying phase... And then I heard you screaming. I don't know where the strength came, but suddenly I was able to fight... Me, the one that minutes before couldn't even stand up. Anyways, once I got you out of here, you passed out, and I just kept taking care of you. I had to make sure you kept breathing at night because the temperature drops."

"No one came here; I did hear someone having a discussion downstairs, but I couldn't really make out what they were saying. I think someone left the house because after that, the whole place became so silent that it creeps me out." Jeonghan finished his story; his eyes were on the window, and for a fraction of a second you saw two birds flying freely. You never wished to be a bird as much as you did right there.

 

"What are we going to do?" You asked after a terrific thought had made its way into your mind, "Are we going to die in here? Am I going to die?"

 

"No." Jeonghan growled, "I will never let you die. Never. I kept you alive all these days, bearing with the burns that come from the sunlight through that window to let you die just like that. There's no way. We will get out of here somehow, even if it is the last thing I do."

 

"Then how are we going to get out of here? Not even the house; how are we going to escape this room?" You asked, feeling like the walls were closing. "How many of them are here?"

 

"Last time I checked around ten." Jeonghan sighed, throwing his hair out of his face frustrated. "Now there could be less, but I couldn't be sure."

 

"How many of them can we beat?"

 

"In our current situation? One, if he's weaker than me and we're lucky enough that he's a vegetarian."

 

"We can't beat them." You realized.

 

"Not alone." Jeonghan nodded.

 

"Seungcheol and the others," you remembered, "could come here and..."

 

"My scent would be gone by the time they got home; I doubt they would know where I went." Jeonghan punched his head. "I should have listened to Soonyoung; maybe I should have brought him or even written a note. I don't know; I was so stupid. I wasn't thinking."

 

"You're not stupid; this is my fault; I should never put a foot outside."

 

"It isn't." Jeonghan reassured, searching for your hand in the darkness of the room; you could barely make out his factions with the lack of light. His fingers interluded with yours, and the gesture was so comforting that for a second you thought you could make it out of this prison. "I should have kept an eye on you. I would have been out of your life; if anything, this is my fault, but I promise you, I will save you."

 

"If we want to make it out alive," you mumbled, almost as if it were a secret for you both and the moon to keep, "you need to drink."

 

Jeonghan stayed silent, and if it wasn't for his hand holding tightly your own, you would think that he had vanished.

 

You held it as tight as you could; you didn't care if it was hurting his fingers or yours; you were scared that your kind would give up on you for real and the ghost of Jeonghan would disappear forever.

 

"You're real, right?"

 

You felt two thin lips coming into gentle contact with your own. A hand caressed your right chin, and without knowing it, your lips were moving in a slow dance that you both seemed to know for lives before this one.

 

He was real.

 

He was going to save you.

 

You would be alright.

 

"I trust you." You mumbled against his lips. Moving the fabric that was covering your neck.

 

"You sure?" Jeonghan asked, moving his hand to the side of your neck that wasn't hurting.

 

"We need to get out of here, and you can't do it if you're weak."

 

Jeonghan took a deep breath before moving his mouth to the skin there, and you felt how your lungs were fighting for more air when you felt his fangs breaking the skin.

 

You both would be fine.

There was no coming back now.

[remembrancer-of-heresy]

The Destiny

Summary: You desperately try to know if Gods exist. Chaplain Erebus wants to enlighten you.

Erebus/fem!Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, possessive behavior, manipulation, noncon

Author's note: so it's finally happened... God-Emperor, forgive me (no)

Word count: 2666 (lol)

Song: Enigma - Sadeness (Part I)

Sade, dis-moi Qu'est-ce que tu vas chercher? Le bien par le mal? La vertu par le vice? Sade, dis-moi Pourquoi l'évangile du mal? Quelle est ta religion? Où sont tes fidèles? Si tu es contre Dieu, tu es contre l'homme Sade, es-tu diabolique ou divin?

The Imperial Truth is the only truth in the galaxy. All must adhere to it and bring its light to all corners of the universe. If anyone dares to resist or dispute it, then they are not worthy of living. Billions lived with this truth. You lived with this truth.

But for you, these were just words, a tyrannical law that all worlds were forced to follow. Perhaps there was something wrong with you, otherwise how could an ordinary citizen of the Imperium have such... heretical thoughts.

But what happened was. You did not say them out loud, did not try to change people's minds. You simply lived in your vacuum, a safe environment. Even when the Emperor announced the creation of the Order of Remembrancers, you felt nothing. Your talents could have been revealed with new strength, you could have become famous, glorified the Legion, but you did not want this. Why, when you do not believe in the truth.

If it was the truth at all.

And yet your Master Librarian gave you no choice and deliberately obtained permission for you. As if you were a slave without will. But your Master assured you that it was for your own good. It was your destiny to be part of the Crusade.

But you were not upset for long. When you realized that you had a chance to choose a Legion, you took it. Many remembrancers wanted to join the Luna Wolves or the Emperor's Children. Quite a few wanted to join the Ultramarines. But you had another goal. Although it was difficult to get to them, as the Legion refused to accept remembrancers for two years after the triumph at Ullanor. But in the end, even the Word Bearers opened their doors for them.

You were not the best historian or iterator in the general sense. The thing is, you only studied what interested you. And if something stirred your feelings, you dove into it headlong. Your master once joked that if you had your way, you would conquer the world. Part of you wanted to say that you would.

But you weren't interested in material power, wealth, or the Imperial Truth. You were far more drawn to other things. Especially religion. Faith is an unshakable feeling, and the Emperor's desire to rid himself of it seemed almost comical. No, mankind will always seek to find God. The question is which Gods are true and which are false.

You knew that Lorgar's praise of the God-Emperor was not a rumor. This legend was not invented by evil tongues to spite the primarch. No, you knew that the Word Bearers were indeed bringing a new religion to the worlds. One that had long been ignored by the Emperor before he burned Monarchia. After that, Lorgar renounced the faith.

But even though you were not a believer, you knew that faith cannot be renounced so easily. You can't get rid of this feeling that torments your heart. Makes your soul sing and glow, fills with blessed light. You can renounce religion, but not faith. And if the God-Emperor was false, then there are other true gods.

Have the Word Bearers found them? Perhaps. You immediately thought of this when you learned about Cyrene Velantion. The Blessed Lady, whose eyes lost the ability to see after the burning of Monarchia. Some chroniclers had already met her. But it was just simple curiosity or simple politeness.

You wanted something else. To know the truth. You remember you were overcome with fear before meeting the Blessed Lady. Mercy and cruelty go hand in hand. As well as love and hate. Whatever the true deity was, it was not fed only by bright emotions. There is no order, only pure chaos. You were afraid to know the truth, for you were only a mortal girl. But you could not remain in sweet ignorance. Sooner or later the truth would come and it was impossible to prepare for it.

However, Cyrene Valantion did not preach, but listened. She could not tell the Truth, since she did not know it. And yet she listened to your fears, anxieties and doubts. She did not judge you and yet asked if you really wanted to meet the Gods.

And looking straight into the portholes you understood that no, you don't want to. But the divinity won't go away from this, it won't disappear. The Immaterium that opened before your eyes captivates your mind and you regret that you only decided to look at it now.

The battle with the traitors is approaching. Horus has rebelled against the Emperor and Lorgar, along with his brothers, must give the first and last battle. To bring down the Warmaster himself. Perhaps you should have been horrified by such events or proud that you ended up on board one of the saviors of humanity.

But you felt nothing. Perhaps Horus did the right thing by rejecting the Emperor. Or maybe you were completely lost in your doubts, justifying the traitor. You didn't know. You only knew that the troubles of the material world are nothing compared to what is happening in the warp.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" - a deep languid male voice cuts through the silence and you squeak in surprise and turn around.

You had never met him face to face, but you had seen him from afar. You had heard of his influence on the Primarch. Fortunately, it was not the old and burning with hidden malice and envy Kor Phaeron. But chaplain Erebus. There was something about the man that made you want to approach him like a lamb to a shepherd… but something about his predatory eyes and gentle smile repulsed you.

“Y-yes, beautiful.” Feeling uncomfortable, you turned away from the space marine, turning your gaze back to the Warp. You did not know why, but the space behind the ship seemed safer to you than the Chaplain’s proximity.

“In truth, I was disappointed when I returned from the Warmaster. And the remembrancers have arrived here. They scurry like rats through the corridors, reveling in their uselessness. Their only role in this story is to become bloody meat,” the man said the terrible words gently, as if lulling you.

You listened to him in confusion. Of course, you guessed that the Space Marines did not like the Remembrancers much, but you did not think that one of them would say it outright. Even if he was close to Lorgar. As if he did not care. Words and actions are unimportant, and you are meat.

“But I had to admit,” his voice echoes over your spirit and you turn sharply to meet his gaze. The man leaned in, almost breathing on your shoulder. “That your zeal to touch the Gods has excited me.”

“I-I,” you gasped like a fish, while Erebus enjoyed the spectacle. “It is not what you think, I, um-”

“No wonder the Emperor exalted men. You women are so weak.” - Erebus smiled at your indignant expression and you felt fear envelop you again. - “But it is the emotionality of your gender that most strongly pushes you to worship. Beautiful servants of the Dark Gods.”

Your heart was pounding like crazy and you swallowed, trying to step back from the chaplain. Not looking him in the eyes. While the words about the Gods screamed in your head, not allowing you to think rationally.

You wanted to know the Truth. And now it is revealed right in front of you. Did you really think that everything would be so easy? Alas, but it is the chaplain who will reveal the secrets of the universe to you. The one whose face is shrouded in such impenetrable darkness that it is surprising how it has not yet swallowed the whole world.

“P-please, please, I”

“Hmm? Asking to continue? Your desire is the law.” - Erebus mocks your request, circling around you like a beast preparing to attack. - “You don’t believe in the Imperial Truths, do you?”

“I-I do,” you trembled like a leaf in the wind, looking at the floor. - “B-beloved Emperor-”

“Don’t lie to me,” a whistle pierced the air and you watched in horror as a neat cut appeared on your palms. How? Where from? - “I am your confessor and I want you to speak frankly.”

You looked at Erebus with tears in your eyes. The man was not in armor, but in a robe. His face was gentle, while his eyes looked at you with a hidden heat. You didn’t even understand how he cut you. But you knew that he enjoyed your confusion.

“N-no, I don’t believe it,” you sobbed and the man smiled even more.

“Do you believe in the God-Emperor?”

“N-no”

“And in others that you know?”

“No”

“What if I told you,” the man almost whispers, but his words sound clear in your head like the sound of a drum. “That the Gods exist? That they watch over us, are a part of us, because we created them ourselves. Where do you think they are?”

The answer did not have time to form in your head, but your body already knew where the path lies. Your eyes flew up to the porthole, looking at the shimmering purple colors of the Immaterium. Only in such a place could the Gods live. The warp itself was a sea of ​​souls for you.

“Clever girl,” a silent cry leaves your chest as you feel heavy, massive hands on your shoulders. The man's weight pressed you to the floor, turning you to the immaterial world. - “They are right there. In the Immaterium. Waiting for us to destroy the false Emperor. When we bring the Galaxy to the true faith, to”

“To Chaos,” you either ask or state. The man behind you falls silent, before a light laugh creeps through him. The grip on your shoulders tightens. You feel the Chaplain’s fingers drop to your collarbone.

“Yes. To Chaos. But serving the Gods is not at all scary, no. I can show you the truth. You can become one of many servants.” - Erebus leans down and breathes so hotly that your ears burn. - “The Skull God will grant you the desire to taste another’s blood. The Architect of Fate will show you a great future. Grandfather will grant you health, he will take care of you. And the Dark Prince will grant you sensuality, make you his concubine.”

Silence fills the hall. Short in the material world, but it seems like an eternity to you. Before your cheek began to shine with someone else's drool and a seductive promise. A tattooed hand cupped your right breast, stroking a nipple hidden under layers of clothing.

"But I would rather make you my concubine."

You break free from someone else's grasp, overwhelmed by emotion. You look into his golden eyes again. Now you know what heat was hidden there. Lust. And Erebus wanted you to see it. He let you escape because he wanted to.

"What?" - you don't even know how to weave the words together. Doubts, fears and misunderstandings wash over you from head to toe. You felt cheated. You were played with like an insect.

"I was given the power of the Astartes, but a pathetic attempt to correct my mind failed. I have never been loyal to the Emperor and never will be. I desired blood even before the ascension. Never will I be a simple soldier, but only a servant of the Dark Forces." - a deep voice fills the silence, not giving you time to come to your senses. - “And I will never stop desiring feminine beauty, as I do now.”

“You will be my concubine. My lover. My whore.” - the man almost purrs, squeezing his hands like an ancient monk. But his words are not full of holiness. - “The world will soon change, the Imperium will fall. The Chroniclers do not have long left, but you. You have always been an outsider. I will lead you to a new era. It is enough just to throw off the shackles of the old order… you will like your destiny.”

Destiny. Your destiny is to become part of the Great Crusade. So your master told you, so the Emperor called you, announcing a new decree. You did not believe that you could bring something significant to this world by becoming a remembrancer. You did not believe in such a path, you realized the lie and falsity of what was happening.

But listening to Erebus, to your horror, you realized that you believed him. You believe that this is your destiny. To accept the will of the Dark Gods, to become their slave. And to give in to the dark temptation, to let a man tempt you. For you will not be able to hide from the Ruinous Powers, and the Emperor will not take you back into his arms. You were always a heretic, you were born to satisfy your master, who deserved a small reward from the Dark Gods.

You blink, smearing tears on your face, trying with all your might to wipe away the uninvited water. No, these are not your thoughts, these are someone else's desires. You are confused, you are scared. You have no one to ask for help. And even though Erebus is a child of Chaos, he is the only one who cares about you, he will take care of you.

What? How do you know? You are talking to him for the first time in your life.

"These are not my thoughts. This is not me. I, I" - you choke, almost falling over the pressure in your chest. - "I can't think about this, n-no, this is not my fate, not my purpose."

"Are you sure? If so, tell me this straight to my face." - a velvety voice sounded very close and raising your head, you see golden eyes with horror. A deceptively gentle smile is snow-white, but you can't stop seeing blood in the corners of his lips. - "If this is true, you will easily reject me. Tell me that you don't want this."

Pain squeezed your vice. Your heart fluttered, and your legs gave way. You desperately wanted to run away, to hide in the bowels of the ship. You reproached yourself for wanting to touch the unknown. You learned about the existence of Gods. Did it make you feel better? Did you find salvation in the truth?

Unable to bear it, you fall to your knees. If before these tears were running down your face in small streams, now you were choking on sobs. Your hands desperately wanted to grab something, just to not fall into the abyss of despair. You clung to Erebus' clothes like a drowning woman, denying that he is your doom.

"See? It's not so hard to admit your place." - the man gently strokes your head, as if you were a funny little animal, before kneeling. Rough teardrop-shaped fingers softly outline your cheekbones and curve your lips. - "I have been watching you for a long time. I could have taken you for myself a long time ago. But I had to prepare my pet. All the pieces are in place, the second betrayal is approaching."

Rough hands gently undress you, gently stroking the exposed areas of skin. And you listen to what Erebus says, wondering how quickly you fell into despair. How easy was it for you to break and turn human knowledge and arts into a slave? Were the boundaries allowed, or were they always blurred, and you were just waiting for them to finally be erased? Whatever the answer, you knew that in any case, Erebus like a boy played with you.

"We must praise all the Gods." - a tongue full of poison licks your ear before Erebus's eyes are fixed on your lips. - "But for now all the worship will go to the youngest of them."

Your kiss is sensual and tender like the sting of a scorpion.

[p1xiemeat]

since the ppl i was trying to avoid have already found my new blog, there's no point in trying to hide it anymore.

my new blog is @faerymeat 🧚🏻‍♀️🎀🥩

i decided i am going to leave this blog up for all the ppl who like my edits🖤 maybe i will come back to it in the future but for now im really enjoying having a fresh blog🥰

im so sorry if u messaged me asking for my new username and i didnt reply to it.

soo many ppl asked for it which made me so happy because i had no idea how many ppl actually love my content🥺 it makes me feel a lot better knowing i have a lot more kind ppl watching my page than i had thought and i really genuinely appreciate all of you🖤

i also decided to reactivate my twitter too.

i know that no matter what i do or say someone is always gonna criticize me for it.

it doesn't matter how many new pages i make in attempt to hide from the ppl who wont leave me alone, because they always manage to track me down in a matter of days. even when i block them right after creating it -_-

so yeah, there's literally no point in trying to hide from them anymore. and i shouldnt even have to. i've already been lied about, insulted, harassed, and blocked by hundreds of ppl so what difference does it make to just keep posting what makes me happy? im just gonna be myself and let ppl believe what they want.

after the experiences i've had with internet thugs, i am forever going to have some sort of anxiety when i go online. i will always feel unsafe because of them. i have such bad paranoia when choosing whether or not to reply to a message from someone because these ppl have befriended me just to post our private conversations online or to make fun of me behind my back.

but my love and desire to create and express myself outweighs all that. some days i just can't handle being online mentally. and sometimes i wanna hurt myself knowing whats been said about me by people who will never even know me. i've tried to change myself in order to avoid harassment only to be made fun of for different things. i'm damned if i do & damned if i don't.

even though she's just a video game character, this quote by alice inspired me and made me decide to just do whatever makes me happy without letting other ppl stop me. 🖤

its always been 1 of my favorite quotes from the game, but seeing it pop up on my feed earlier helped me make this decision to just say fuck it and be myself, unapologetically 🥰

[graciereadshannigram]

hey fam, my spreadsheet is FINALLY up to date so i am FINALLY getting back to the monthly rec lists! here's the cream of the crop from August :)

as a reminder: the ingredients for a five star rating typically (but not always!!) include some combination of a.) believable characterizations of both Hannibal and Will, b.) compelling plot and/or character arcs, and c.) high quality smut.

that being said, my judgment of the aforementioned ingredients is powered almost exclusively by vibes and as such, is incredibly subjective.

you can find past recs below:

February March April May June July

and if you have any recs of your own for me, PLEASE SHARE.

without further ado, let's go!

Teach Me a Lesson (Already Learned) by whenitstarted

Word Count: 3142 Summary: Will being married to Molly and cheating on her with Hannibal.

Literally just PWP because I wanted to scratch the cheating itch.

Just Thought You Should Know by EarthsickWithoutYou

Word Count: 22370 Summary: Two years after marrying Molly, Will is restless and unhappy, unable to stop thinking about Hannibal and missing his incarcerated cannibal despite all the reasons why he knows it's wrong. One night, things come to a head when Hannibal finds a way to call him. A series of sensual phone encounters begs the question of how long Will can possibly resist the desire which Hannibal so expertly cultivates.

Oh this one was GOOD. I love anything that happens in the three years Will is with Molly. The angst, the porn, chefs kiss.

More Myself Than I Am by StratsWrote

Word Count: 9176 Summary: Everyone has a soulmate. Someone they will connect with on such an intimate level that they are like one mind in two bodies. It comes on the cusp of adulthood, a shared link between two minds. It will start with feelings, emotions shared across the connection. Some people claim senses; smell and sound. Those who are thoroughly, intensely intertwined can claim to send their very thoughts towards each other, although it’s generally considered bad luck to use the connection to find each other sooner than you are meant to.It is a wonderful thing, to know that no matter who you are or what you’ve done, somebody out there will understand you. Or at least, it’s supposed to be.

Soulmate AU! Hannibal absolutely hating the bond at first felt very on brand and this was just very good.

coyote chewing on a cigarette by antiheroblake

Word Count: 5145 Summary: hannibal wants someone to care for him until he’s bequeathed his family fortune, but he doesn’t want to deal with the near-elderly perverts his friend calls their “sugar daddy”. that’s when he sets his sites on the sullen and newly rich will graham

okay if you aren't reading this series, what are you doing?? every. single. installment. is a five star!!!

No It Don't Come Easy by nobetterlove

Word Count: 10759 Summary: Will had the good sense to blush then, both Hannibal’s words and his previous actions making his heart pound hard in his chest. “Actually, uh – “ Will started, his hand reaching back to rub along his suddenly stiff neck. “I told him I was seeing someone.” Blue eyes looked up slowly, Will more than curious as to what Hannibal’s reaction would be. “Well, that’s – “ Hannibal tried to say but was cut off by Will speaking again. “I said it was you. Or implied it, at least.” There was a moment of silence where Hannibal didn’t blink or look away or even breath. Maroon eyes took Will in with shocking efficiency – he felt like Hannibal was everywhere in that moment, surrounding him in all ways possible. “You told Jack Crawford that you were seeing me.” Or: a Hannigram fake dating AU

i'm a whore for a fake dating fic, y'all know who i am.

Oddbodies by toffeecape

Word Count: 72714 Summary: Will is an off-brand sentinel. Hannibal is a reputable guide. What could go wrong?

i knew nothing about Sentinel AUs before reading this one, but i found it was perfectly well explained within the fic! and wow this was SO well done! it fits so well into canon and was just a treat to read.

This Isn't Rapture by moistdrippings

Word Count: 7467 Summary: Will wakes with a fever, and Hannibal prescribes some unconventional treatments.

yeah, just gonna drop this one here.

stink in the nostrils by murdertrout

Word Count: 49137 Summary: Secret Omega Hannibal is not pleased that he has imprinted on Will Graham. He avenges himself on his biology by getting Will Graham put behind bars. But when Will figures out what he’s been hiding and tampers with his suppressants, triggering his first heat, they both get more than they bargained for. Alternate S2b if it were entirely A/B/O porn.

LOVED THIS.

A Most Gentle Death by mokuyoubi

Word Count: 8956 Summary: “What is that?” Will asks tightly.“A blend of benzodiazepines and barbiturates,” Hannibal says. “It will render one unconscious, immobile, and largely insensate.”Will stares at the syringe in shocked disbelief. The shame and embarrassment are still present, but have taken a backseat to dry-mouthed, hopeless longing. Hannibal turns the syringe end on end between his fingers. “Would you like me to administer it to myself?” he asks.

there is something so satisfying about Hannibal not being phased by pretty much anything that Will wants.

A Wolf in the Night by itsbeautiful

Word Count: 3857 Summary: “Leave them on…” Will rumbled, grabbing hair and pushed a head down his stomach. “…and suck my cock.”Hannibal looked up with a dark stare and a head tilt, struggling to catch his breath. “No ‘please?’”“I know…I don’t need to ask, politely or otherwise, to get what I want from you now.”Red eyes glittered with hunger, tongue flicking out to taste the power left on lips.“Isn’t that what you wanted, Doctor Lecter? For me to take what I want from you.”

i'm pretty sure i just love anything this author writes, wow. you don't technically need to have read Transcendent Suffering, but it'll make more sense if you have.

When It Clicks by summerisblue

Word Count: 29838 Summary: Will and Hannibal have been spending a lot of time together lately.Because they’re friends, Will likes to reason. Will likes to tell Hannibal that too, just to clarify. Hannibal might be more than a little frustrated.

this one really hit my "oblivious sugar baby Will Graham" button. i love him so much.

Your Ex by murdertrout

Word Count: 3810 Summary: “What was your last relationship like?”“Uh,” Will says. “Intense.”“Good intense or bad intense?”“Yes,” Will says.“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want,” Molly says, “but I just want you to know you can.”In retrospect, this is a mistake.--We usually assume that Will clammed up about his past when he was with Molly. But what if actually Will tells Molly way, way, way too much about his relationship with Hannibal?Or, the one where Will starts talking about his “ex" and doesn't stop.

i love when Will is an idiot. this fic was just silly and perfect.

Ball Toss by raiast

Word Count: 22307 Summary: The carnival AU no one asked for. Hannibal accompanies Alana to a carnival and meets one Will Graham, whose game booth is less than above board. Hannibal does not approve.

YES YES YES. i really loved this dark Will!!

Pushing Comfort by lurid_erotic_intimacy (virtuous_contract)

Word Count: 14559 Summary: Habitually, Hannibal keeps his steps quiet as he makes his way to Will’s upper floor. It’s probably nothing out of the ordinary that has kept Will from making their morning session (not a session, a conversation). Still, it’s best to know for certain.Or: Will starts missing his appointments. Hannibal is happy to investigate why. Can be read as a canon-insert. A quite sweet and kink-flavoured getting together story.

this was sweeter than i would have expected it to be based on the tags, but mmmm this hit the right buttons for me!

a world of hurt by divinetheatre

Word Count: 7213 Summary: Will takes it slow, pausing between the strikes to let Hannibal work through the sensations, patient — for now. In time, when Hannibal’s self control wavers, and his knees start to kiss one another after every spanking, Will will pin him open and punish him for that too. Relentlessly.

well, we learn new things about ourselves every single day, right?

i know who you are by divinetheatre

Word Count: 14125 Summary: Will turned again as though the turmoil in Hannibal’s heart had clamored loud enough for him to hear. They didn’t speak. They didn’t need to. What Hannibal might’ve said, the last thing he could’ve admitted to Will, did not pass his lips. Will strode to him and grasping Hannibal’s face in both hands, kissed him. Deep and hot with passion that did not surprise Hannibal but overwhelmed him. He’d known it would be this way, but he had never been prepared. Not entirely.

Vulnerable Hannibal and Will being the most tender understanding human? Give me moreeeeeeeee.

a sort of madness by divinetheatre

Word Count: 5239 Summary: He chose me.The euphoric mantra echoes through his mind as he drags the panties down Hannibal’s long, slim legs. They open for him. The slick heat betwixt dampens the coverlet for him. What happens to Hannibal’s body after this is because of him.

i had to stop and remember to breathe multiple times during this fic so. do what you will with that information.

Secretary by FragileTeacup

Word Count: 77469 Summary: Will Graham needs a job. Since quitting the FBI, he’s been adrift for months, broken and lost; chasing a desire he doesn’t understand in increasingly destructive ways. What he needs is stability, direction, something to help put his life back in order and quiet the buzzing in his head. A chance encounter with the classifieds might just give him exactly what he needs. Secretary Wanted.Dr. H. Lecter. Psychiatric private practice.Typing and good manners essential.Must follow direction.

THE secretary AU. need i say more??

Layover by raiast

Word Count: 16978 Summary: When Hannibal misses his connecting flight to DC he is forced to obtain a hotel room for the evening. When the last remaining room is seemingly double-booked he realizes that the adult thing to do is generously offer to share the space. And if the other man in need of lodging happens to be a seemingly disheveled, ill-mannered and altogether beautiful stranger, well, that's just fine.

ONLY ONE BED ONLY ONE BED. alternate first meeting AU that i adored.

Scent of a Woman by Devereauxs_Disease

Word Count: 4860 Summary: After the fall, Will assumed he and Hannibal would progress to a romantic relationship. So when Hannibal comes home smelling of fancy perfume, Will is...distressed. How do serial killers handle jealousy and romantic confessions? Not well, y'all...NOT WELL.

they're both so stupid and i love them. Hannibal's behavior had me cracking up because of course he would behave this way.

Will Graham Had a Secret by hannigramsarah (WrightworthSarah)

Word Count: 4442 Summary: Will Graham has a somewhat slutty past. What happens when he meets Hannibal Lecter and discovers his proclivities may not be as secret as he might have hoped?

this was lovely.

Something Borrowed by BelladonnaWyck

Word Count: 11206 Summary: “What’s wrong with your green card?” Will can’t hope to stop the words from tumbling forth - didn’t even know they were about to spill from his mouth when he opened it - and his cheeks flush when he realizes how intrusive and presumptuous that question is.

Hannibal is Hannibal and they are perfet. i need more green card proposals STAT.

Touch by raiast

Word Count: 10902 Summary: From the kinkmeme prompt:"Going into an intense heat, Will volunteers to be shared and passed around by a group of Alphas. Hannibal finds out. Does he stop it from even happening? Sneak in and sign in to join the group?"What happens when an Omega with a voyeurism kink signs up for a Public Heat and his possessive Alpha psychiatrist applies for a volunteer position? Hint: lots of knotting, lots of come, and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of bloodshed.

FERAL WILL GRAHAM. i really don't think i need to say more.

put your aching teeth to good use, my dear by wormsin

Word Count: 10516 Summary: alternate a/b/o ending to Fromage. when Will sees Hannibal in his office, bloody but alive, he goes into a feral rut. Hannibal tries to pacify him.

again, feral Will Graham just hits all the right buttons.

Tender by McRibFarewellTour

Word Count: 5117 Summary: "Will loved the violence, of course he did, but he loved Hannibal more, and he wanted there to be a clear distinction between the two. He wanted proof that Hannibal loved him, Will Graham, not anyone else who could be convinced to empathize with a serial killer. He didn’t want to push Hannibal against a wall, he wanted to hold and be held by him."A defense of seeking gentleness in a world of violence.

OUCH. in the best way possible, big ouch.

Husband Under Contract by house_of_lantis

Word Count: 49685 Summary: Count Hannibal Lecter has always enjoyed his bachelorhood and freedom, preferring to live a life as an established gentleman and lord of his estate. But Hannibal finds himself married and the last thing he wants is a clingy, tedious spouse who expects romance and to take advantage of Hannibal’s wealth and social status. Will Graham couldn’t care less about the arranged marriage as long as he can keep his job and keep his dogs. He’s amused by Hannibal’s attempts to manipulate him; and when he finally gets Hannibal in bed, he thanks him for a good time and returns to his own suite. What will Hannibal do when he realizes that he’s completely in love with his husband? And can Will ever see past their marriage contract to sharing a real life of love and passion?

An incredible royalty (kind of?) AU. i love how Will just does not give a fuck about upsetting Hannibal, much to the horror of the house staff.

pretty words from a silver tongue by nbcravenstag

Word Count: 3595 Summary: Will’s hookups (as few and far in between as they are) always end the same; deliberate distance between bodies and a cold, empty bed come morning. No one ever stays the night.

touch starved and vulnerable Will??? sign me UP.

i could love you with my eyes closed by nbcravenstag

Word Count: 2276 Summary: In Will Graham's three and a half decades on this planet, no one has ever made him feel like this.or, Hannibal is a little TOO good in bed, leaving his boy a little... emotional.

relatable content.

Night Calls and Liquid Courage by nbcravenstag

Word Count: 4249 Summary: "How much did you drink, Will?”“All of it.”“All of it, hm? That certainly is a lot.” _________________ Beverly Katz hand-delivers a very flirty, very drunk Will Graham to Hannibal's doorstep in the middle of the night. Drunken confessions and lots of cuddling ensue.

fluffy goodness, what more could ya want?

your touch is my safety by feralwillgrhm

Word Count: 4183 Summary: Will had been touch-starved for a while, but he didn't realise how much he craved it until Hannibal came into his life and initiated touch between them repeatedly. It left him wanting more and trembling at night in bed, but he never knew how to tell Hannibal. That was until he finally cracked. Or: 5 times Hannibal touched Will and he barely kept things together, and 1 time he gave in.

this was so sweet and tender!!

I called your name ‘til the fever broke by omnilegent

Word Count: 4363 Summary: Hannibal tilted his head in that cat-like way of his and said, apropos of nothing, ‘I believe you are experiencing touch deprivation, Will.’Will was not in the fucking mood.‘I touch myself plenty, doctor.’ He snapped, realising what that sounded like after he was already committed to saying it and ultimately not really caring. He couldn’t be bothered for all this dancing around half truths via metaphors today.———Hannibal offers Will a helping hand in relieving his touch deprivation…

can y'all tell i was on a "touch starved Will Graham" kick? that's all this is.

the fire went wild (the flames went higher) by antiheroblake

Word Count: 15359 Summary: will takes hannibal out to make up for the shoes he didn’t get, but when hannibal tries to show his appreciation (and how poorly he can behave), will decides to show him something new

show me the places where the others gave you scars by madeofbees

Word Count: 4957 Summary: Will has a bad time at a bad scene; Hannibal helps.Or: if Will has such a strong empathy response to horror and violence, what would happen if Hannibal immersed him in pleasure?

can y'all imagine if this is what Hannibal had done from the start? jesus christ.

Heal Your Wolf(hound) Well by devotional_doldrums

Word Count: 53396 Summary: From a distance, Hannibal enjoys heightening Will’s sickness. But confronted with the injured man lying in his hospital bed… Hannibal’s not so sure he enjoys it, anymore. Chicken soup (for the serial killer’s soul).

i love getting to see Hannibal actively regret his choices. 10/10.

Crystalline by DruidGurl (DaoistDruid)

Word Count: 59216 Summary: Stripper!Hannibal AU (sort of) The proprietor of a successful restaurant, Hannibal (who may or may not be a serial killer and definitely WAS an exotic dancer in his youth) is coerced by an old acquaintance to take a job dancing at a bachelor party. When he shows up, he realizes a mistake has been made, but he also realizes something far more interesting: the groom to be is hotter than Mt. Vesuvius. Circumstance and intent lead the boys where it always should: into bed. A lot.

GIVE ME ALL OF THE CHEATING FICS PLEASE. Everything in this fic was top tier. Hannibal as a dancer? Hell yes. The dirty talk? Yes. The fucking all night long marathon sex sessions? YES. Will being an absolute SLUT for Hannibal??? YES PLEASE GOD.

all i want is you by nbcravenstag

Word Count: 8892 Summary: We should do something tomorrow."Did you have anything in mind?“It’s your birthday.”Ah, he wishes it were so simple. If Hannibal were to wish for anything, it would be Will Graham underneath him, gasping, moaning, whispering his name while he placed claiming bites on his beautiful, porcelain throat. Such an image is so lovely… and so achingly far away. There is nothing wrong with wishing for it, but if it is a boundary that is never crossed, Hannibal can live with it. He can live this quiet, friendly, occasionally bloody life they live simply as friends if it means he continues to have it.That does not mean Hannibal won’t settle for his second favorite. (It isn’t really settling though; their shared hunts are the greatest adventures he’s ever had.)“Well, there is that dreadful Senor Pérez down at the docks…” _________________ A year after the fall. Hannibal and Will are friends and partners in crime, but nothing more. Hannibal is... fine with that. He is content having Will in any way that he is allowed if it means Will stays.Today is Hannibal's birthday. Will surprised him with a kiss.

This made me want to tear up in a good way. It is so TENDER. God, they are so soft and I love them.

le bel homme sans merci by nbcravenstag

Word Count: 7481 Summary: “La Belle Dame Sans Merci.” Will recites breathlessly.Hannibal lets out a pleased hum. “The painting is a rather whimsical rendition of the muse. Keats’ poem depicts a wretched end for the knight where he awakens alone in the field, abandoned by the love of his life, whereas Dicksee’s work focuses on the maiden’s affection and the knight’s surrender to his own heart. Everything he knows and feels, it all changes when he sees her for the first time." _________________ Hannibal leaves his sketchbook in Will's car. He can't stop himself from looking inside, from wanting to know, but he never expected every drawing to be of him.

Hannibal "accidentally" leaving his sketchbook in the car where Will will absolutely find it? Chefs kiss. THEY'RE IN LOVE.

Whiskey Lullaby by thisisthefamilybusiness

Word Count: 1943 Summary: Hannibal Lecter only gives one apology in his entire life, and it is to the man he never meant to kill, the one he murdered not with violence, not with a knife, not as the Chesapeake Ripper, but with assumptions and carelessness and arrogance, to Will Graham. (Fill for the following prompt on HannibalKink: "Alone on the Water-esque fic? "Will you miss me, Hannibal?" "Until the end of my days, William." For those not in the Sherlock fandom, it's basically a deathfic. You can do it with cancer, like AotW, or AIDS, Will's encephalitis....anything you want. Even maybe Hannibal killing Will and these are their last words? Just. Please. Hurt me.")

OUUUGGGHHHH. Thank you, Serri. Will dies because he's HIV+ and Hannibal didn't know and let the encephalitis get so bad that Will got full blown AIDS. Ouch.

Guidance by jonnimir

Word Count: 3511 Summary: Kinktober Day 30: Gagging + Swallowing.Will acts out at a party, and Hannibal helps him calm down by keeping his mouth otherwise occupied.

Will going into subspace!!! I do love a good cockwarming fic. (also this might be what i need when i'm throwing up an attitude shhhh...)

[here-there-were-dragons]

i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that

[venjras]

MIND GAMES - SUKUNA.

same as the one before only for sukuna this time. enjoy. nsfw : slightly exhibitionism, dirty talk, fingering, dry humping, use of pet names, mention of alcool.

you felt on top of the world tonight, you could feel the electricity running through your entire body. heading to the bar where your boyfriend was waiting for you with his friends, since you were early for your date with your bestie you had decided to stop by for a quick hi. after all, it had been a while since you had last seen the boys.

you would have recognized your boyfriend's pink hair from miles away, sitting with one arm resting on the couch, shirt unbuttoned and a bold smirk as he talked to the others. it still seemed unreal that he was your boyfriend. sigh, entering his vision and immediately gaining his full attention. his gaze was quite literally setting you on fire, making it really difficult for you to walk properly towards them. “oh, oh, look who's back.” it was gojo’s voice greeting you, bringing you back to the real world. in the meantime sukuna had stood up, immediately putting an arm around your waist and stealing a small kiss from you.

“hello, my love.” his deep tone ran straight down your spine, creating a flock of butterflies in your stomach that made it hard to breathe. trying not to show it, settling next to him, taking off your jacket and leaving it abandoned next to your body, leaving your fit completely expose.

a flowing mini skirt that reached just above your mid thigh, a black shirt tucked into it, extremely tight, mid-knee boots and as a final touch hanging from your neck was the necklace he had given you for your anniversary. shiny. “didn't think you'd miss me that much, don't worry it won't happen again.” you said sarcastically, greeting megumi, yuji and suguru sitting around the rest of the table. they all adored you and it was a mutual feeling, right from the start you had found a really good connection and after all they had turned out to be such precious friends for him so it couldn't have been otherwise.

speaking of the devil, he hadn't taken his eyes off you for not even a second. his arm was stretched out behind you, his hand caressing the back of your neck. he always needed some form of physical contact, even small and this thing had always driven you crazy. it made you weak, slowing down any logic and rational thought. putting you under a spell. you were all lost in talking, chatting about the news and joking animatedly. after half an hour you glimpsed your friend and stood up to hug her immediately. the skirt had risen up a bit, giving a dizzying view to the pink-haired man who couldn't help but lick his lips. just enough to tease him a little. tonight you felt inspired, you wanted to provoke him and maybe end up bent over in the back of his car. obviously the view was simply reserved for him, behind you all was the wall and it was something calculated to perfection. putting on your coat, bending a little to greet him with a kiss and finding his hand on the back of your thigh, caressing the naked skin with his fingertips. “i'll take you home, hmm? have fun, babydoll.” and so he let you go, your head spinning and your friend's words sounding all jumbled together.

the hours passed quickly, between one drink and another, not enough to make you drunk but enough to make you feel lightheaded. however, the feeling in the pit of your stomach had not abandoned you, in fact it had only increased. now you were in the car with him, in the passenger seat, you two were driving your friend home. and once you were alone, silence had fallen, but it was a silence full of desire, as if there was no need to speak to know what was going to happen soon. very soon. “baby.” you turned your head towards him, reaching out to caress his hair. “i really, really need you ‘kuna.” the words had come out fluidly before you could even think about them, your voice full of need, of desire. taking his hand, already resting on your thigh, bringing it even higher until it collided with the edge of your panties.

the car suddenly stopped, luckily you were on a not very busy street and almost immersed in nothing but pitch black so it was rare for other cars to pass by. in no time you were on top of him, his mouth attached to yours, drinking you up desperately. hands squeezing your ass, pushing you down on his clothed erection, making you feel how much the whole situation was anything but indifferent to him. moaning against his lips. starting to move your hips against his cock, panting as you felt how hard he was. “need you so bad.” your voice was needy, pulling away from him just so you could look at him with pleading eyes, thinking that you could easily come just by seeing him with labored breathing and messy hair, totally fucked.

now he had you turned, back against his chest and the car visor lowered so you could see yourself in the small mirror. legs spread, blushing violently at the thought of being completely exposed to his merce. “you wanted to play, then let's play.” he said huskily in your ear, making you want to clench your thighs together in search of some relief but being stopped by his hands that kept them well spread. “sukuna.” your voice was begging him, lifting your hips slightly as one of your hands went back, squeezing his dark locks, not thinking you could resist any longer. you needed him to touch you right now. “what a messy girl.” he quipped at the way your thighs seemed to spread wider at those word, your impatience made him feel lightheaded. his fingers stroking softly along your wet folds through the panties' fabric. his breathing fanned along your neck and his lips curled when you shuddered into him, drinking in the twitch of your thighs and the muffled whimper slipped from your lips when he collected your slick, trailing it up to ease the first roll of your clit.

he watched your hips twist under his touch, making him press down on the sensitive bud harder before he's finding a pace and rubbing at you with two fingers. your hands grabbing at his forearm with every sinful circle of his fingers against your cunt, whimpering needily against his body and it's almost like you re begging him not to stop, and that only drives him to press into you even harder, more eagerly as he get lost in the way your lips part to moan when he finally sinks his fingers into your pussy. penties finally pulled to the side.

“so fucking wet, my pussy it's always so ready f' me.” he groaned, his tone wavering with the weight of his arousal. he took a handful of your breast through your shirt, grinning when he realised you ve decided to go out without a bra tonight, rolling and twisting at the sensitive peak as you whimpered. “such a dirty girl.” eren's words were heavy, only making the slick between your legs intensify, making it easier for him to sink his fingers into your tight walls, pressing them against the swollen, sensitive spots inside of you with every practiced twist of his wrist. your clit was getting puffier, more swollen with each graze of his palm against it and he couldn't help but pull out of your cunt to rub your slick around it. so so sensitive to his touch.

“ s — sukuna.. ” you gasped, trying desperately to muffle your moans when you looked over to cast him a starry-eyed look, one that lured him in for a kiss that made the whole car spin as his other hand rolled your sensitive nipple between his thumb and forefinger. drinking in your next languid moan of his name, licking into your mouth with such an intensity that made you gasp.

“that's my girl, fuck — ” your thighs trembled around him, breaking apart from the kiss wetly to let your head fall back against his shoulder. he kept up his movements, sinking his fingers into your clenching walls with every few swipes just so he could feel the way you were soon going to be squeezing around his length. letting you ride out your orgasm as you grabbed at him and your hips twisted and jolted with every rub of his fingers as they pulled back to roll your clit, prolonging your blissful state until you were pushing him away with a whimper and breathless pant. but he was breathing heavy from where his chin was pressed into your shoulder, grazing his lips along your jawline when he tapped on your clit. chuckling at the way the tiny aftershocks made you jolt before he gently tapped on your thigh.

you just could never win with him, you would always end up at his feet in the end. not only metaphorically.

©️ venjras.

[isekyaaa]

Tbqh the only reason why I don't write original fiction is because I don't feel confident in writing a realistic man. Which is funny because I can write men in fanfiction, but like.... Tbh, I don't think they're very realistic men either. People don't talk like men from games, manga, etc. Which I suppose someone can say, "Well if fictional men don't sound like real men, then why do you need to worry so much?" And I suppose that's a valid point. But still, regardless of how logical it is, I want to write a realistic man.

[teaboot]

On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.

I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.

It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.

I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.

My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.

Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.

It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".

Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.

Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.

It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.

[slugandthorn]

pain and agony of having so much to learn to make more things but I need a job/further schooling to learn but I have to have made the things first