#''the most beautiful person that there is. i Am a straight man'' <- repeat for years. months at least

[theophagie]

This panel has me in tears because Giorno's being all cute like "hehe Mista look we won. All thanks to you ;) haha. Mista you were so cool ;))" and Mista's just gta wasted on the sidewalk. Top ten flirting flops

[beauty-and-passion]

Eurovision 2023: the show of unfairness and the triumph of people’s hearts

My god, this year left me exhausted.

It’s 1:30 am, the Eurovision Grand Final just ended and I am starting to write this post now, because I need some time to calm myself before going to bed. And maybe putting down some thoughts about this year will help me find some peace - at least for a couple hours.

This year has not been what was supposed to be, starting from the show and ending with the winner.

But let’s start from the beginning.

______________________________

Ukraine: robbed of their own show

We all know Ukraine couldn’t host Eurovision in their country because of the war, so they asked the UK to do that.

And the UK tried to be a good host. They reminded us of the reason why Ukraine couldn’t do it, they tried to call Ukrainian artists and make the show about them... only to systematically forget it two minutes later and start acting as if they won and this was their show.

I hope now you understand why last year I said to not give them power over anything. The UK has a tiny little problem called “massive ego” and if you give them a little crumb, they will immediately scarf the whole cake down.

This year should’ve been 70% Ukraine themed and 30% UK themed. What we had instead was the other way around: the UK gave us a tiny little interval show in the semifinals about Ukraine, then a massive show all about the UK.

The Gran Final has been the icing on this disgusting cake. It started with a bang, featuring all of our favourite Ukrainian artists in the span of five minutes: Tina Karol (I had no idea she was Ukrainian, what a nice surprise!), goddess Verka, my beloved Go_A with The Only Queen That Matters, aka Kateryna Pavlenko. And, of course, our favourite winners: the Kalush Orchestra. Man Carpet is still an icon and I still wonder what the singer sees behind that pink hat, but I don’t care. It’s perfect, it’s great, I want this but 200x more. I want them to steal the show, I want them in all interval acts. But no worries, I’m sure they will definitely appear more during the final. I mean, there’s no way the UK called them just to appear for 20 seconds, right? Right?

Oh sorry, my bad. I forgot this isn’t Ukraine’s show, this is UK’s show. We should definitely have Sam Ryder in the interval act and we should definitely make it all about English songs. I mean, it’s not like there are four of the most beloved Ukrainian artists in Liverpool. Let’s make it all a huge masturbation session of the UK instead.

I apologize if my metaphor offended someone, but this is what I felt while watching the UK celebrating itself. Like... can’t you do this in a private room? Do I really have to watch it? This is just one step below Portugal’s show, which showed a massive ego as well and tortured me for three nights straight, by repeating how cool they were and how nice they were and how I would’ve done a great choice visiting them.

But even if that was torture, at least Portugal was the winner of the previous year, not a host masturbating over the fact they are allowed to host a show they didn’t win.

The only choice I fully approve of in this show is the postcards idea: that was very elegant and respectful and I want to thank the person who thought about it. The cards show Ukraine’s beautiful places, UK’s beautiful places and every country’s beautiful places. It’s all beautiful and it’s a great way to both honor Ukraine and emphasize UK’s hosting role, since it looks almost like the UK acts as a “connection” between Ukraine and every other country.

Unfortunately for us, this is the last proof of elegance we will see for the rest of the show.

______________________________

Danemark and Poland: robbed even before starting

Do you remember Danemark’s and Poland’s entries? I know, me neither. Bland, forgetful, two huge balls of nothing.

Well, I have a good news and a bad one. The good one is that Danish and Polish people are not insane and their musical tastes are actually way better than this. The bad news is that the two entries we got (Bejba and Tiktokkid) were not supposed to win their country’s competition, because the public’s favourites were different. But, like, VERY different.

Same thing happened last year for Spain, but at least Chanel was able to put on a great show - even if her song was boring. Danemark and Poland didn’t have that either: one gave us a meme, the other gave us nothing. Disappointing.

So let’s clean Danemark’s and Poland’s names, by listening to the artists they were actually supposed to bring. Let’s start with Danemark and please, tell me if the tiktok kid is better than this (if you dare):

And before you think: “oh my gosh, this could’ve been a great entry for Danemark!”, please listen to what Poland was supposed to bring:

I love this song. I love this cute nice boy. I love the classical vibes. And when I played this song for my father, my 70-year-old father told me, with no hesitation: “Oh, this is way better than the other one!”.

So if a 70-year-old can recognize how good this song is, then there’s no generational gap and it’s not true that people are accustomed to the same boring stuff. If a song is good, is good. If a song is bland, is bland.

By now you probably already heard from Polish people about how the voting system of their competition was rigged and how Blanka won thanks to the power of nepotism. So our duty as Europeans (and as people with some fucking taste) is to stream Gladiator, listen to all of his songs and shower this boy with love because he needs to know the world loves him.

And for you all, Polish people: thank you for making us know about your true winner. He really looks like one and we love him too.

______________________________

Germany: robbed while trying

I really cannot understand why people keep hating Germany this much. Is it still because of WW2? What did they do, to deserve the bottom of the chart? I know it’s funny, I know it’s for the memes ah ah ah, but also... come on. Come. On. Are you really telling me that Poland was better than Germany? Are you really telling me that the UK was better than Germany?

I can assure you that if Sweden brought this exact same song, the jury would’ve given this song 300 points. But hey, ThE jUrY iS iMpArTiAl, right?

German people: I don’t know why the world hates you. I think you would’ve gotten more votes, if only the system wasn’t so stupidly rigged and forced everyone to choose one winner only, hoping to defeat the jury’s sheer power. Personally, I enjoyed your song and I enjoyed Lord of the Lost and I will definitely listen to more of their songs to add to my playlist.

However, I also understand your frustration. So you know what? Just go nuts. Choose whoever the fuck you want to represent your country, attend Eurovision whenever you want and do whatever you want, give us insane shit and amazing stuff. You will be treated the same either way, so why give a fuck? Have fun showing your insane side, I will support you 100%.

______________________________

Italy and Israel: what did they ever do to deserve these places?

As an Italian, I am honored people gave so many votes to Italy. Seriously, thank you all, nice to know people appreciate our singers.

But also: why so many votes? Why? I know Mengoni is a good singer, he has a great voice and if this was a real singing competition he would’ve probably deserved to win.

But since Eurovision is not a singing competition, why all these points? Were people really so in love with this ballad? Why? What does he have I cannot understand?

Even more important: why Israel, with their stupid unicorn song, got all these votes? Why? Is it because she’s good-looking? Seriously? Are we still stuck thinking with our genitals, instead of using our brains? I thought Europe moved past the need of thinking with genitals only and started developing some good fucking taste.

Or did her amazing “dance moves” get the public? Ok, she’s very flexible... but do I really really have to remind you of Chanel? A small dance segment is really worth so many points, when last year we had someone who was able to sing AND dance as she did for the entire song? I didn’t even like Chanel, but I am mature enough to recognize that THAT was a show, while the unicorn lady did nothing more than a small dance. Definitely not worth 185 public votes.

At least I know that my country didn’t go insane and the true points (aka the public’s points) didn’t go to the unicorn but to Moldova. Thank god, we are still able to recognize what’s good.

______________________________

Finland: the real winner

When Eurovision started, I was sure Czechia would’ve been the winner. However, their performance wasn’t enough to grant them victory.

Finland, however, had everything a winner needs. And now I will explain to you why, because I love this funky green man and you should love him too.

1) “A little man from Vantaa”

Käärijä is a rare gem, not just for Eurovision, but in general. He’s a simple, genuine, silly guy, who comes from a city few people knew before. He doesn’t speak English too well, but he tries and fails in comically sweet ways. He’s a huge fan of Rammstein, so he’s a man of culture. He became besties with Bojan from the Slovenian band Joker Out and their bromance has been the best part of this Eurovision: these two share one single braincell and I love them for this.

But, most of all, he’s humble. He never considered himself above all others, even after his victory. He knew right from the start that it would’ve been a battle between him and Loreen and yet, he never grew arrogant about it. He always talked about their rivalry in funny ways, through memes and by treating her nicely. But he also never underestimated her: he always put his whole self into every performance, knowing full well he had to give everything, to reach the public’s hearts.

And he did. He reached the public’s hearts and like many others all over the world, I also love this little man. He’s genuine, he’s honest, he’s a fashion icon (Finland changes their flag to green when), his dancers are funky and nice like him. You look at him once and all you can think is: “I want to protect him at all costs”. It’s just impossible to hate this man.

2) His song is a banger

Not only his song is a fusion of three genres (industrial metal, hyperpop and hip-hop/rap), so he’s already serving you three songs in one, but the language he used is Finnish.

I’ve heard Finnish people saying that they never used their language because it’s “too weird”. People, that’s exactly because it’s weird that you should use it! You have this gem and you hide it to us?!

If you don’t know why Finnish is so great, please consider that while all other European languages are part of the Indo-European family, Finnish, Estonian and Hungarian are not. They are part of a completely different family (the Uralic languages).

That means they have nothing similar to any other European language. They are something completely different and new, a whole new world to explore. And they’re here, in our continent!

In addition to that, Finnish is an agglutinative language, which means words are formed by stringing together morphemes. How fucking cool is that? I love this kind of language!

As someone who studied English, French, German and Russian, Finnish is something that gets my attention. I can recognize similarities between Germanic, Slavic and Italic languages and I love them, but Finnish is an unexplored world. It’s made of sounds that well, sound familiar even if they’re not. It’s a constant surprise, you know?

Also, I love that it’s a language full of vowels because it makes me think of my own mother tongue (Italian). It’s a bit like feeling at home, even if our languages have nothing in common <3

3) The best performance of Eurovision 2023

I love the Croatian daddies like the next person (and I’m glad the public gave them the top 10 because they deserve it), but Käärijä’s performance had everything: it told us a story (i.e. how Käärijä slowly emerges from behind his barriers to join the party), he gave us the best stupid dance moves and there’s even a family-friendly human centipede. What else do you need, to start dancing?

Also, another shoutout to his dancers, because I live for those shocking pink dresses and for their immensely creepy expressions. And I live for the public always welcoming them with screams: they deserve it.

I know you already enjoyed it 200 times, but you know what? Let’s fucking destroy the views of this video and let’s watch it again. And also, let’s notice how much the public enjoys it. How much they screamed, how they sang with him, how they enjoyed this party.

Even without knowing Käärijä, you can feel he put his whole self into this. And the public felt it too.

And the final result was astonishing: he got 376 points from the public. It’s the second-highest public score, after Kalush Orchestra, who got 439 points.

If you notice, Käärijä’s percentage is even higher than Kalush Orchestra’s! And such a high result means one thing and one thing only: the public has chosen its winner. He is the winner. People are sovereign and people’s will has been very clear about it. So when I say he’s the winner, it’s not because I want to indulge him: it’s because it’s the fucking truth.

Also, please notice the kind of songs the public chose as their top 3 favorites: songs with nothing mainstream and native languages. All while the jury thinks what we want is the same boring shit we can hear on the radio 24/7.

______________________________

A painful evening

Let me start by making something clear: I don’t hate Loreen and I don’t hate Sweden. It’s not their fault if they win. They are just exploiting the situation, because they learned what the good formula is and keep using it over and over.

Loreen knows that if she sends another song that is just like all the others she made, she will get a high position. And now, thanks to yesterday’s victory, she knows she doesn’t even have to try. Why should she do something different, when doing the same thing twice made her win twice? Why try something different, why step out of her comfort zone? If she does the same thing, she can win. So she will keep doing the same thing.

Same goes for the entire country of Sweden. They learned that if they bring the most boring, generic pop song you can listen to on every radio on planet Earth, you will win. So, they will keep sending it. After all, a bland pop song is what the world is more accustomed to, so why change? Why do something different, when they can be teacher’s pet and always get a high score? This isn’t being stupid, this is being clever.

But is it elegant and fair too? Oh honey, absolutely not. This is the exact opposite of what elegance and fairness are.

On Saturday evening, when we reached the voting part of the show, the crowd literally CHEERED AND SANG Käärijä’s name or “Cha Cha Cha”. Multiple times.

Once the public clearly states who they want to win, then the competition is over. When the consensus is unanimous, there’s no competition anymore. The winner is already here. Everything else is just white noise and bureaucracy.

That’s what I felt, while I was forced to keep listening to a bunch of people loudly kissing Sweden’s ass. The public had already decided, we already have a winner. Why are we still wasting time?

And if forcing us to keep listening to this pitiful charade was not enough, the hosts decided to lose that shred of elegance that was still left on this joke of a show and not only shushed the public all time but even said “just ignore everyone”, as if their voices didn’t really matter. It’s not like this is a music competition and the public is the final receiver of said music, after all.

I don’t know you, but I don’t like to see the sovereign public being silenced and told they do not matter, all while a bunch of people takes the decisions for them. Maybe the Brits are accustomed to being silenced because an old rich man has to decide for them, but other countries don’t work like that. Like, you know, the one they’re hosting the competition for.

There was nothing democratic about Saturday evening. There was nothing fair in silencing the public and pretending they haven’t chosen their winner one hour ago, because teacher’s pet had to win again.

Do you really think Sweden deserved this victory more than Finland? Do you really think that a country that won six times needed to add this victory to their list, so they can say “ah ah we won as many times as Ireland”? Or just because they can do their stupid ABBA anniversary next year? Is this the reason why we choose our winner, now? The past glories of a country? Well, then in 2048 is the anniversary of Dana International’s winning song, let’s all go to Israel! And in 2056 we’ll go to Finland, because it’s the anniversary of Lordi’s winning. And in 2071 will be 50 years from the Maneskin’s victory, so let’s come back to Italy.

What, does that sound ridiculous? Tell that to the jury, then.

I feel immensely sorry for the Finnish people, because I read online how much this victory could’ve meant for them. This could’ve been so important, such a good chance to shine for a country that considers their language “too weird” and who hasn’t won in 17 years. And since they are stuck between that ticking bomb that is Russia and the always perfect Sweden, they really needed something that gave them more positive attention.

And it broke my heart even more to see Käärijä suffering. He even apologized to his nation. He did something amazing and he still apologized. He literally won and apologized for not winning. That’s unfairness to its finest.

And if all of this is not enough, the results of the public’s vote came out and oh, look, not a single country gave 12 points to Sweden, while almost every country gave 12 points to Finland. Wow, who would’ve fucking guessed that teacher’s pet won because of the teacher.

Again: does that seem fair and democratic to you?

______________________________

Oligarchy masqueraded as democracy

Let’s do a little bit of math, shall we?

Each national jury consists of five people + one backup juror. They supposedly vote for the best singer and performance- AHAHAH great joke, very funny.

But let’s not focus on this, now: let’s focus on numbers.

37 countries participated this year. So 37 x 6 = 222. The jury is made up of 222 people in total.

The entire population of Europe is around 451 million people, but let’s keep it low because Eurovision isn’t watched by all Europeans. Let’s take just the number of views on the Youtube streaming of the Grand Finale: 9.5 million people. Let’s round up to 9 million, okay?

Okay, so now we have 222 people on one side and 9 million people on the other. Let’s pretend that less than half of them voted at least one time.

Okay, now look me straight in the eyes and explain why the votes of 222 people should have the same weight as the votes of 4 million people. Please, explain to me how democratic this decision is, can’t wait to hear it.

But you know what? Even if it was 1 million voters only, that wouldn’t have been fair either. In no universe is fair to put one million voters on the same level as 222 voters.

There’s only one possible scenario in which this is fair: if Eurovision was a talent show specifically centered around performances and voices, with a jury made of vocal teachers and choreographers, and all I have to do is passively watch it on my couch.

But from the moment you gave the public the power to choose who the winner could be, then why do the votes of all the people from Europe (and Australia) have the same weight as what 222 people decided?

This isn’t a democracy. This is an oligarchy masquerading as a democracy: a bunch of people decides what you should like, basing their decision on their own interests. And you have no way to oppose them, unless you focus all your votes on one single artist, hoping it would defeat the one the jury chooses.

But this deprives Eurovision of the competition aspect. It’s not a competition if I have to endure a tug-of-war against the jury. It’s not a competition if I am forced to give all of my votes to one artist only, instead of spreading them out to all my favorites. And even in that case, basically all of Europe should vote for that specific artist to try and overcome the sheer power the jury has. Again: does this sound democratic to you?

Now you may say: but the jury is made of experts. Oh, you mean the same experts that proved multiple times they base their votes on politics, who their neighbor is and who can corrupt them better? Or do you mean the same experts that in the past made their choice even without listening to the songs?

The truth is that we have 222 people who can easily be influenced by anything and their power is as strong as the power of 4 million people at least. Four million people, who got invested and followed the entire show from start to finish, if I may add. Please, tell me about the fairness of this system again.

And before you say “but Eurovision is a music competition and we need experts”... sorry, but no. According to Wikipedia, the jury was present before televoting was born, but once televoting was extended to all competing countries (1997 ca.), the jury was no more. It came back only in 2009, with this unfair compromise of 50/50 between jury ad public votes.

So there was a period of time in which there wasn’t a jury and in that period we had the first win for Estonia, Turkey, Latvia, Greece, Finland, Serbia and Russia. How weird that, once the jury isn’t there, other nations have a chance to win too.

The thing is: Eurovision isn’t a simple music competition. It’s more like a window. A window where anyone can have their chance to shine. No matter if you’re from a well-known country and everyone knows who you are or if you’re from a tiny piece of land in the middle of nowhere and all you can do is speak your native language: if you have the right combination of song+performance+voice, you can win.

And it’s beautiful we have this window, because it allows us to see something we’ve never seen before: rock bands, silly songs, folk songs and straight-up weird songs. In Eurovision, you don’t have to listen to just the same generic bland song, but you are allowed to listen to different artists and different cultures - and if you like them, you are free to choose your winner, no matter how not mainstream it is.

And we Europeans need this. We need to celebrate the diversity of Europe and embrace them. We need to see people from different countries hanging out, having fun and becoming best friends. For a continent that has always had (and still has) a problem with wars, we need something that allows us to look at each other and not see a piece of land to conquer, but a place full of life and culture to learn about.

And since we pride ourselves to be the continent where democracy was born, let’s put this democracy in the show we’re so proud of. Do we really need the jury vote? Do we really need the vote of this bunch of people? Okay, let’s have them. But it’s not acceptable to give them the same weight as the public’s vote. 50/50 isn’t acceptable anymore. 20/80 is fairer. I’m feeling nice, we can even do a 30/70. It’s just not acceptable that 300 people should have power over millions over something those same millions will enjoy. As always, the public is sovereign.

And if the public’s taste is shit, at least we will be free to blame ourselves for something we brought unto ourselves - and not feel sick and angry over something others forced upon us.

Or everything can stay the same and the 50/50 system will keep going. But at least, be honest enough to not waste everyone’s time, by pretending the public can do something more than watch what a bunch of people decide for them. Do not pretend to be righteous and democratic, when you’re not.

______________________________

The triumph of people

This finale drained me. If it were just a little fairer, I would’ve been thrilled to see Luxembourg coming back after years. But right now I don’t feel like watching next year’s show. I know it will probably be amazing, because Sweden is very good at hosting. But I don’t want to see them masturbating over how good they are and how much they deserved to win - even if they didn’t win.

And, honestly, I don’t care about ABBA either. I don’t give a damn about them, nor about their anniversary. I’m definitely not looking forward to that either.

I will listen to the songs as always, then I might give it a try and watch the semifinals. It depends on how bitter my grudge will be, after one full year. If it will still be very bitter, I will probably spend my time better, by listening to the songs more times, watching the performances and making my own personal final chart. I won’t have ABBA or funny interval acts, but I can try my best to make it enjoyable to read. And it won’t be a fucking charade, at least.

Sorry, but I will keep being bitter for some time. And if you feel bitter too, you have every right to be, no matter what people say. Your voice has been silenced and ignored and numbers don’t lie. It’s very understandable you feel bad.

But you know what you can do? Use your anger in a positive way. And no, that doesn’t mean sending death threats to Loreen. You can accuse Sweden of its lack of elegance and decorum if you want, but always be polite. Don’t be like some of them, who are such sore losers they had the guts to be angry at Finland because it didn’t give Sweden any public points. Bo-hoo, may I add.

What you can do instead is make some noise: ask for the jury to be abolished or for this shitty system to change. And, even more important, support your winners. A lot of amazing artists have been wronged this year, so shower them with love.

And send your love especially towards our winner. Stream Cha Cha Cha, check his other songs, shower him with love and support, make a statue for him in Vantaa, pay me a plane ticket because I need to tackle him in a hug and tell him how much the world loves him. Let’s show the world that he slaps, Finnish slaps and we want more of this.

Do you still need more Cha Cha Cha in your life? Good news: Lord of the Lost made a cover for Cha Cha Cha and OH MY GOSH it’s insanely good. It has a lot of Rammstein vibes, it’s cool and it slaps even harder. Check it out because it’s amazing!

Also because the German singer learned some Finnish, just to spell every word correctly and, according to the Finnish people in the comment section, he did a great job. What a wholesome guy, I love and stan him and his band - and you should do the same, because they are amazing and they don’t deserve last place <3

And if you need more Käärijä in your life, there are amazing Youtube channels with great collections of his moments, like Eurovision Is Ambition and Uni Dash Corn. I especially suggest you see his bromance with Bojan - and speaking of him, another shoutout to Bojan! He’s such a nice, wholesome guy with great charisma, you cannot hate him. I am not head over heels for his song, but he’s so fucking wholesome, he deserves good things only.

And I also suggest you see how Käärijä has been welcomed in Helsinki. He has been welcomed like a fucking hero, a national treasure. And of course he was: he is the true winner after all, he deserved the welcome only winners get.

It’s a bit like he said in his apology: the better one won. And so he did.

You know, I think the only good thing that came out from this shitshow that was Eurovision 2023, is the people’s heart. People showed their kindness, their love, the best of humankind. We saw acts of friendship, we saw empathy and appreciation. The hug between Käärijä and Bojan, despite its sad meaning, is also a perfect example of what we all should be: kinder, softer, more empathetic, together, no matter how far and different our countries are.

In a way, I am happy that Ukraine’s message of unity was still carried out, even if indirectly and definitely not the way the UK wanted.

And in the end, the trophy isn’t so important: it’s just a piece of glass after all. And no piece of glass is worth the impact one little man from Vantaa left on so many people all over the world.

I know you will never read this post, but I wish you a lifetime of success, Käärijä. You have everything a winner needs and, in fact, you are one. So don’t be too hard on yourself, because the world still needs to show you how much it loves you. Take your time, relax, have fun and come back when you’re ready - just don’t leave us hanging for too much, ‘kay?

And you, Finnish people: please treat our beloved winner with love for us too. We will do our best from afar, so let’s be together on this as we should <3

[writing-in-the-impala]

Secret Smokes (Part 9)

Pairing: Teacher! Remus Lupin x Reader

Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.

Warnings: Swearing, smoking, drinking, teacher-student relationship, angst, jealousy, fluff, smut.

Word Count: 5776

A/N: At the end! No spoilers here, but it's a long one so get cosy.

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Previous Chapter, Part 9, Next Chapter

Christmas morning began like every year except for the owl. When you made it downstairs there was an owl under the tree from Remus, you picked up the letter and thanked the owl giving it a treat before sending it home. You hadn't heard from Remus since you got home, however you couldn't be upset as you didn't attempt to write to him either. Even though you missed him a lot and you couldn't stop thinking about him life had become quite busy with work, family and your hometown friends. This was the first time you came home and didn't want to flirt with any one or meet anyone as the only person who got your heart to race was Remus. Since you first opened his present you kept re-reading what he wrote, as if you were trying to decipher it. Maybe it was him calling you "dear" and ending it with "yours" that made your heart race, maybe it was simply just the only way to feel close to him. "What's that letter honey?" Your mum asked walking out the kitchen to see you standing holding Remus's most recent letter.

"It's from my friend, I think it's just to thank for the Christmas present I got him."

"Him?" Your mother asked. "I knew those were for a boy she liked!" Your dad chimed in from the sofa. "So who's he?" Your mum asked.

That's when the doubts hit you, you shouldn't get excited by Remus sending you a letter, he's the kind of man you can't tell your parents about. How would you explain to your parents that you got involved with your defence against the dark arts professor and that he's also a werewolf. "Just a friend who's helped me a lot this year. Anybody want coffee?" You asked tucking Remus's letter into your jeans pocket and changing the subject.

When you had a moment after the busy morning you went upstairs to finally open Remus's letter that had occupied your mind all morning. You slowly opened it while sipping on a cup of tea that wasn't as tasty as the ones made by Remus in his office.

"My dearest Y/N,

Merry Christmas. Would it be inappropriate to say smoking or listening to music alone isn't the same? Thank you so much for your present, I've been listening to the vinyl from you on repeat I can't wait to listen to it with you. I hope work is good and your family is well too. Hogwarts is beautiful in the snow I'm glad I stayed but I'll be heading home to York soon - today - so if you would like to reach me please write to:

The Luna Cottage Yorkshire YO22 5AN

No pressure to write however if you do I just don't want you to feel like I'm ignoring your letters.

Yours, as always, Remus"

You wished the letter was longer, that he would tell you more about what he's been doing why he didn't write. You wanted to have a conversation about his day, you decided it was only right to reply to him straight away.

"Moony, Merry Christmas!

I am starting to realise my record collection is boring compared to yours. I'm glad you enjoyed the present, thank you so much for passing on your fathers book, I'm happy to return it to you as soon as I read it as it sounds quite sentimental.

I adore the cigarette tin, I would be lying if I said it hasn't already been useful. The camel and bridge are beautiful however I miss the real bridge.

I'm glad to hear you're enjoying Christmas, don't run to your cottage too quickly enjoy your time in Hogwarts although I do realise how stupid it is to write that as I'm sending it to your cottage.

My family is well and so am I thank you for asking, I do miss the snow in Hogwarts I look forward to coming back after new years.

Speak soon, Y/n"

You sent the letter almost as soon as you wrote it eager to continue this conversation with Remus. You could wait to read his next letter. However it did not arrive for days. Maybe he stayed in Hogwarts you thought, maybe he hasn't had time to send you one, maybe he's too busy...

You waited each day for a letter to arrive but nothing came, New Year's Eve was around the corner and you thought wether to wish him happy new year like you wished him Merry Christmas however you decided against it. The Weasleys had invited you to a New Year's party and you considered not going however you decided maybe it would be good to spent an evening with your school friends as opposed to the home town friends that you saw all Christmas break. The party wasn't at their house but rather a house in London however they assured you pre-drinks will be spent together. You met at their house where you would be spending the night after the party, it was nice to see their parents who always made you feel at home. They asked you many questions about your Christmas break and Molly even gave you a new hand knitted scarf as a gift. You hadn't arrived at their house empty handed either as you had a whole tray of home made cookies from your mum which the Weasley boys devoured. "So what's this party we're going to?" You asked the twins.

"It's one of the order parties but it should be fun." Fred began.

"And if we hate it, it's in central London so we can jump ship." George added.

"And we'll still see the muggle fireworks from there." Fred finished their joint sentence.

"But isn't everyone in the order like 50 now, I want a new years kiss." You complained

"I'm here." George quickly interrupted.

"I'm the hotter twin and I'm here too." Fred took over.

"See you have two options!"George said with a laugh.

"Three we all know dear Percy would kill for a kiss from you." Fred almost whispered so no one else in the family would hear.

"I don't want to kiss him, or you, or you." You said laughing and pushing them away in a friendly way.

"No you want to kiss your teacher." They both said simultaneously making your face go red.

"Shut up. I prefer people my age."

"Don't lie to us the only person our age you want to snog is Sebastian and he's mostly a rebound for your profesor."

"What did you get him for Christmas?"

"It doesn't matter besides he hasn't spoken to me since Christmas."

"But he wrote to you."

"Just to thank me."

"He still thought of you."

"We've gone off topic so who's gonna be at this party or did I waste my new years by agreeing to this?" You bought the conversation back.

"We promise there will be people you'll want to kiss there, you'll have fun."

"We're sure of it."

"Only thing...."

"'Mum is coming."

"WHAT? This is going to be so lame, a party with your parents?"

"Don't worry, we'll still have fun." He said handing you a shot to drink and all three of you necked it down. You got changed and ready to go out, suddenly you were all looking a lot more like you were going to party, the boys wolf whistled you when you joined them in the living room. By this point nearly the whole family was downstairs including Hermione who was also invited as Harry and Ron were going. When you walked into the room Percy's face seemed to go red, you felt bad as you knew his feelings for you but you just simply didn't feel the same about him. You relaxed in the living room for a bit before all of you traveled to the house the party was taking place at.

It was 12 Grimmauld Place. The home of the Blacks. Sirius Black was the only one left living there however he used the house to throw very extravagant parties, that's what Percy told you anyway. When you arrived it was quite littered with people already, and there was a mix of people older and younger, you spent time with the twins at first as you were a bit shy to start talking to so many strangers. As soon as the alcohol started to get to your head you became a lot more social with everyone around, one of your most interesting conversations was with the host Sirius Black who you clicked with immediately, you ended up in quite a discussion about the London firework display and he promised you could go up to the roof for the fireworks at midnight. You were quite enjoying yourself when you noticed Sirius hugging a man who was apologising for arriving late, he was taking his jacket off when you caught a glimpse of him. Remus J Lupin. He was wearing corduroy trousers, a nice clean fresh Oxford shirt that was a pale blue with a dark vest over it and a long black trench coat. You felt the temperature of the room go up and you needed a distraction so you jumped into a conversation with the twins. "Our teacher is here." You stated to them.

"Your teacher more like." Fred stated with a grin on his face as him and George shared a look.

"You knew." You pointed a finger at them both.

"He's in the order." George explained.

"Close friends with Black. And our parents." Fred finished.

"We didn't know for sure if he would come." They both said in response to your upset face.

"He hasn't replied to my letter." You said quietly.

"Well now you can talk in person." Fred said. You could see Remus but he wasn't looking at you, he was happy, he looked a bit tired but not more than usual, he seemed in his element hugging people hello and chatting with them. After about twenty minutes you both noticed each other he gave you a slight wave from across the room and you waved back while speaking to Hermione. The next hour and a half you spent stealing glances at each other from across the room but not talking even when you stood right next to each other, it felt like an unspoken rule. It was hurting you to watch him talk to an attractive girl from the order and laugh with her, a whole body laugh. You felt jealous, and upset that he didn't even acknowledge you past a small wave.

It was only when you were outside having a smoke with Fred that you finally spoke to Lupin. He was the one who started the conversation, you heard him say "No, no, no. I can't believe that you haven't heard of The Stooges, hold on, Y/N have you heard of the Stooges" he interrupted your conversation but you didn't mind.

"Of course, arguably they were the first punk rock band." You said with a small smile, eyeing the girl he was taking to in a judgmental way.

"Thank you!" Remus said to everyone before turning around to face you. "Hello by the way." He has a gently smile.

"Hi professor, I saw you earlier but didn't want to interrupt." You said hugging him hello, he already smelt like he's drank quite a bit as did you.

"You should've." He said gently in a hush tone, eyes quickly flicking down to your lips then back to your eyes, his breath really smelt like fire whiskey.

"You look nice." You replied.

"I was going to say the same about you." The small smile growing on his lips as his eyes scanned your body.

"Who are you so dressed up for?" You pried hoping the answer doesn't hurt you.

"Sirius." He said in a stern tone and continued once he saw the puzzled look on your face. "He said he was going to hex me if I showed up in the same clothes I wear every day. I don't know if you've met him yet but I believe he genuinely would have."

"I have and I agree, I think you're a wise man." You said with a laugh.

"How was Christmas?" He asked changing the topic.

"You know same, same. Spent most of the time working. What about yours?" You said putting your hands in your pockets awkwardly. When you spoke to him it's like the whole world blurred, like no one else was around you even through your were standing outside the house on a street in central London.

"Christ Y/N, I'm sorry I didn't write back." He simply answered.

"It's okay, I'm sure you were busy." You said hiding your disappointment.

"No, no I wasn't." He said with his own frown on his face. "After Christmas there was a full moon and I was knackered, once I regained energy I had so much to do and I didn't dedicate time to writing back, when I could've, I should've and I'm so sorry." He was leaning on the wall for support as if his guilt was weighing him down.

"How's the cottage?"

"It's cosy, I've been fixing things in it, Hogwarts has meant it stands empty with no one looking after it, so things have broken in my absence." He explained.

"I wish you had time to write while you were there, I had so many questions." You said instead of saying you missed him.

"Have you seen Sebastian Sallow over half term?"

"What?" You shot back in confusion.

"Just wandering as you two are close."

"Not that close." You felt weird about his question, his facial expression was hard to read.

"Fair enough." He replied after a moment of awkward silence.

"Why do you ask?" You pushed.

"Because I thought you two were slowly growing into a relationship, you know I just want the best for you."  He didn't make eye contact with you.

"What's the best for me?" You questioned.

"It's not me." He said with an intense stare into your eyes.

"So you don't want me to be with you?" You asked swallowing hard from the anxiety.

"Correct." He answered his body inching closer to you.

"But do you want to be with me?" He looked down at his empty glass after you asked him this.

"What was work like?" He asked changing the topic.

"Answer my question." You pushed.

"Answer mine."

"I asked first."

"Y/N... let's change the subject before one of us gets hurt, let's not ruin new years." He said sounding defeated as he finished the sentence you heard the front door open and saw Sirius there with two drinks in his hand.

"Remus! There you are, I made you a drink." He said in a jolly voice. "Y/N, do you want one too?" He said while handing a drink to Remus.

"It's fine I can go get it myself." You said finishing this the perfect opportunity to leave this conversation with Remus.

"Beautiful, let me show you the main reason why being a magic is the greatest thing ever." Sirius said clicking his fingers and your glass refilled itself. Remus just laughed as if this was an old trick.

"How?" You asked in shock.

"Dear old Sirius has enchanted all the glass to be self re-filling because he's too lazy to stand up and pour himself a drink."

"I didn't know this was possible." You expressed.

"It's a dangerous trick." Remus explained.

"As if you don't love it Moony." Sirius said and you have a puzzled look to the nickname but didn't ask more questions. "Now it looks like you two were having a meaningful chat I don't mean to interrupt."

"You're not, I was just about to head inside." You said.

"Sure you were." Sirius said with a wink. "Enjoy the drink moony, let me know how it tastes later!" Sirius said with a wink at Remus and head tilting to you before he left, luckily for Remus you didn't see this. A moment of silence fell upon both of you again before Remus cleared his throat. "You know all the glasses in my office have this enchantment." He said sitting down on the front door steps.

"Liar, why do you always stand up and make cups of tea if they can refill themselves?"

"I find there's something romantic about doing things the proper way, taking a moment to brew a tea and pour it. It feels like it's the right way to do it. When I'm alone I don't bother to do all the mundane but I like to do it with you." He took last sip of the cocktail he managed to already finish and you watched it magically refill itself.

"So I'm guessing you and Sirius are close?" You asked.

"How'd you guess?"

"He called you moony."

"He's my best friend from school, there's not many of us left after the war." Remus began.

"What do you mean us?"

"My friends from school and I used to call ourselves the Marauders."

"That's so lame." You laughed and he had a nostalgic smile on his face.

"I know. But we were proud of it, we were unstoppable, a force to be reckoned with. We used to preform some pranks that created new rules in Hogwarts."

"Not that pillar of morality I thought you were Professor." You winked at him and he laughed.

"Maybe not." His eyes were glued to your lips.

"So what happened?" You asked and his eyes went down to the floor, he cleared his throat and took a sip of his drink.

"We all grew up but not all of us got to grow old. You see straight after school James and Lilly got married, it was a beautiful day. Not long after Harry was born, we felt like we were on top of the world when we were leaving Hogwarts. But the wizarding war kept getting worse, I struggled for work with my condition so I focused mainly on the order, James and Sirius helped me a lot especially with money, I wouldn't have a home without them. We spent most of our days as part of the Order of the Phoenix, and we were proud, we felt like our little group was part of something special. Then the day when Peter betrayed James and Lilly came, and well you know how the story of that day goes." He said his voice breaking a bit a small tear forming in his eye. "After that day the world rejoiced, war was over, he was gone, but he took James and Lilly with them. Peter, the snitch, sold them out. It was just Sirius and I left." You placed you hand on his knee to comfort him.

"I'm sorry-"

"It's okay. I was hurt that day and I was stupid, I distanced myself from Sirius, and from everyone. I saw the world as cruel, I really treated myself like a victim, felt sorry for myself. Sirius, he saved me. Every full moon he would come to the cottage and make sure I was okay, it was only after a year that I found out when he fell asleep and when I was back to my human form he was still around. He explained he'd come in secret every month just to check in on me. He made me realise the world wasn't so cruel after all." Remus glanced back at the house behind him.

You got a glimpse at a new part of Remus, the Remus who lost friends, the Remus who used to be a boy surrounded by everyone he loved, and you understood why now being in Hogwarts he was so much more lonely than ever before. "It's funny when I met you it felt like meeting the marauders for the first time. If only you were around when I was your age, I think I would've- doesn't matter. I'm sorry for dropping my sob story on you like that." Remus said with a heavy breath.

"Moony I love to hear about your past, Sirius sounds very special... I'm glad you have him."

"I love that boy." He said honestly. "He's my brother for life." He said looking back at the house once again. A calm quiet fell upon you both before you took your cigarette tin out of your pocket, you offered one to Remus and he took it "nice tin." He said with a wink. "Where'd you get it?" He asked while you tried to light your cigarette with your lighter, he lit his with magic obviously.

"This guy got me it, I really thought he liked me because it's so special but I realise now he's just kindhearted and cares about people. It's still one of my favourite gifts though."

"What says those are mutually exclusive?" He questioned while you struggled to light your cigarette as your lighter didn't want to work.

"Can you light it for me?" You asked him gently turning around to him.

"Sure, come here." He motioned for you to get closer to him. And you shifted towards him. "Closer." He instructed. You were confused but listened, you were now inches away from him, his cigarette was in his mouth and yours was in your hand. "Put it in your mouth." He said through the cigarette. "Now come here I'll light it for you." He said quietly. So you leaned in and he lit the cigarette with the one in his mouth, your body felt like it was burning, you could smell the alcohol, you could smell him. Chocolate, cigarettes and an undertone of firewood. He placed a hand on your face to stabilise you and you felt that your cigarette was lit. You pulled away from each other and you took a drag with a shaky breath after the moment you just shared.

You felt his hand grab your chin again and turn your face back to his, his cigarette wasn't in his mouth this time, he began to lean in. "Tell me if you want me to stop." He whispered and your heart raced as you leaned into him and your lips crashed. The kiss was full of lust and longing. He had completely dropped his cigarette as both his hands were now on your face, you dropped yours and raised your hands to touch him. You felt him swoop your whole body to the side and you were suddenly straddling him on the stairs of the house. You felt him, you felt how much he wanted you, you began to slowly grind on him to tease him. His hands began to go up and down your back as you continued to make out, your hands went through his hair, something you wanted to do for a very long time. And then you heard it, the fireworks.

Remus pulled away first, shaken back into reality, you both looked into each others eyes for a few seconds. Silence. The look of complete fear and lust in both your eyes as reality crashed back in. "Happy new year dear." He said quietly.

"Happy new year Moony." Your replied and he gently kissed you on the lips with love rather than lust this time. He slowly moved you off him and stood up, reaching out a hand towards you to help you stand up. "Let's head up to the roof, the view of the fireworks is beautiful up there." He said and you gave him a sad look.

"I'm happy to miss it." You almost whispered.

"We can't. Come on." He said reaching his hand out for you to hold and you followed him holding his hand while walking up the stairs and questioning which part he was referring to with "we can't". You headed back inside and as you passed the mirrors on the stairs Remus fixed his hair, he let go of your hand and you walked side by side upstairs entering the roof quietly. Once upstairs he squeezed your shoulder and walked away from you, he started making the rounds while telling people happy new year starting from some members of the order, moving onto the Weasleys and so on. You just stood there watching him. "Happy new year Y/N. We were looking for you." Fred said. "Are you okay?" He said looking at your confused expression.

"I just kissed our teacher." You said quietly. And Fred laughed and George groaned. "Pay up." Fred said to George and they exchanged money.

"You guys bet on this? You bought me here and you bet on it?" You asked slightly annoyed but also amused.

"Only when I left you outside with him." Fred said defensively. "How do you feel?" George asked. "Relived?" Fred added.

"Horny and confused."

"Poor Percy was looking for you, wanted you to be his new years kiss, he won't be happy to find out." George added.

"No one can know." You said sternly.

"Y/N, your secret is safe with us." George said.

"However we will make fun of you for this." Fred stated.

"Constantly." George added.

"Looks Y/N is not paying attention to us." Fred pointed out as you were starring at Remus and Sirius whispering to each other and Sirius glancing over at you.

"We've lost her, next thing you know she'll be married, she won't speak to us. No time for us." Fred joked. As you continued to watch Remus, who now glanced at you, said bye to Sirius and began to walk over in your direction.

"He's coming over what should I do?" You asked in panic.

"You were the one snogging him, not us." They both said.

"Shut up." You replied and Remus was now close enough to hear. The boys turned around and smiled at him with big grins. "Happy new year professor." The both said.

"Happy new year." He replied gently. "Happy new year Y/N." He said to you pretending as if nothing happened.

"Wait so you didn't even say happy new year to each other?" Fred asked and both you and George slapped him to shut him up.

"I should've known. Sirius also knows." He said he's gesturing behind him to a smiling Sirius who waved at you as soon as you looked over at him.

"Obviously." You said with a gentle smile.

"Do you boys mind if I have a word with Y/N?" Remus asked politely.

"Just don't-" Fred began.

"Fred." You and George said in unison. "Alright nice to see you prof!" Fred said laughing and walking away.

Remus lead you off the roof and down the stairs towards one of the rooms. You didn't ask any questions. He pulled you into a room and you straight away began to make out. You explored each others lips before between kissed Remus began to speak "Let's get one thing straight, this can't happen." He then kissed you again and you tried to push out a "yes" between the kisses. "And no one can find out about this." You nodded and he leaned back in to continue. "And if anyone knew you could get expelled and I could lose my job."

"Yes professor."

"Don't. I go crazy when you call me that." He said biting your lip as he kissed you this time and moving his hands around your whole body. "Now tell me if you want me to leave this room and pretend nothing happened, tell me now and I'll leave and we'll go back to just being professional." He said looking deep into your eyes and you shook your head and leaned in to kiss him. "Good." He whispered before kissing you back, after a moment you moved your hands to his belt and began to unbuckle it. "Not so quickly my dear." He whispered in your ear. "What we're going to do is leave this room, you're going to be a good girl and mingle with your friends, while I make the rounds talking to mine. Then when it's late and everyone is saying goodbye you meet me. That way we don't raise any suspicion about both being gone all night." He explained and you nodded. "Good." He said and he kissed your lips gently before leaving the room. You stood in the dark room alone trying to process everything. After a moment you left the room and continued upstairs, on the stairs you a ran into Percy. "Y/N!" He said cheerfully. "Where have you been all evening?" He asked.

"Oh I've been floating around." You replied trying to keep it vague.

"I was searching for you." He stated.

"It's a big house." You simply replied.

"Why did you leave with professor Lupin after new years?"

"Why are you watching my every move?" You felt like your privacy was invaded.

"We're friends Y/N, I feel like this year you've been running around befriending Slytherins and doing tutoring every day we've barely seen each other." He complained.

"You're exaggerating, besides you're the one who always pushed for me to study more, now I am and you're complaining." You were getting annoyed.

"Are you and the Slytherin boy dating? Is that why you've been avoiding me?" He asked a bit too aggressively.

"Percy. Your jealousy is showing, please go home, go the bed, we'll talk tomorrow." You walked past him towards the roof, he tried to continue the conversation but you didn't turn around to reply.

Upstairs you saw Remus chatting to small group of people, he looked so handsome. You started getting involved in your own conversations however you couldn't resist to look over at Remus constantly, and he kept looking over at you. Each time he would smile, sometimes he'd lightly wink. When Molly and Arthur Weasley were leaving you and the twins said you'll come home later in the evening and they trusted you and left you behind. Finally there was very few people left behind and Remus approached you and the twins as you relaxed in the living room. "Sorry to interrupt." He began not taking his eyes off you as he scanned your body, licking his lips.

"Please do." Fred said with a grin.

"Excuse us profesor." George said pulling Fred away.

"Has anyone given you a tour of the house dear?" Remus asked you with his hands on his pockets while looking down towards you. You shook your head and he simply reached a hand out to you to help you up. He began giving you a tour from the bottom of the house towards upstairs, there were still people in the house but very few as it was nearing 4am and most people had traveled home by now. He led you all the way up before he stopped at a room. "And here is my room." He said.

"Your room?" You questioned.

"Well technically the guest room but since it's just Sirius who lives here this room has become my room, I stay here whenever I'm in London." It was mostly a simply decorated room but the small pile of books on the side table made it obvious that Remus stayed here often.

"What have you been reading?" You said picking up the top book as Remus came up behind you putting his arms around you and kissing your neck.

"Does it matter right now?" He whispered in your ear pulling you against him.

"I don't think so." You said as he turned you around to look at him.

"You drive me crazy girl." He leaned in to kiss you. "Do you want to know how crazy?" He asked and you nodded. That's when he grabbed your hand and put it against his crotch, you could feel how huge his cock was in that very moment. "Holy shit." You whispered as a genuine reaction not thinking about what's leaving your lips. Remus smiled and chuckled slightly. "Don't worry, I'll go slow." He whispered and you almost melted into his kiss. After a moment of kissing he gently pushed you against the wall where he pulled your top off and your trousers. He began kissing you from your neck down your body getting on his knees in front of you as he kissed your legs and bit your thong. "I have thought about this moment from the first time I met you. You're more beautiful than I imagined." He said before standing up and kissing you on the lips again and you ran your hands through his hair. He picked you up and lay you down on his bed as he climbed up above you leaning down and kissing you. You reached up to unbutton his shirt and he stopped your hands for a moment.

"I just want to warn you, I have scares." He said, his voice had a twang of anxiety behind it.

"I don't care." You breathed out.

"You don't understand they're bad, I can keep my shirt on."

"Remus don't be ridiculous." You said unbuttoning his shirt to reveal his chest, his scars were deep, layering on top of each other some older than others. You began to trace them with your finger as Remus watched your expression, you then leaned in to kiss his scars. He put a hand under your chin and went back to kiss you as he unbuckled his trousers slipping them off while keeping his lips on yours. He once again moved down to your underwear taking them off with his mouth as he kissed you all the way back up to your lips. "I'm going to go slow but if anything hurts tell me okay?" He confirmed and you nodded. "Dear I need you to use your words for me."

"Yes Professor." You said and it felt like his eyes darkened a little as he slowly slid into you. You could feel how large he was as began to slowly move in and out. As soon as he saw you feel comfortable he began to up the pass, kissing your neck and starting to suck and lick it as you moaned under him. "You're so beautiful." He whispered in your ear as he kissed you.

"Remus you feel amazing." You said as he picked up the pace and moaned in your ear. He held your hands above your head with one hand and kept himself up above you with the other. The kissing turned into bites with kisses as your hearts raced. "Remus I'm close." You moaned out as he was bitting your nipples and still holding your hands above your head. "I want to feel you cum for me." He said as he kissed your lips again and you moaned out in bliss. You felt him fill you right after. As soon as he pulled out he leaned in to kiss you and you kissed him back. "Happy new year." He whispered as he lay down next to you pulling you in your hug him, you skin touching his skin. "Happy new year Remus." You whispered back tracing his scars with your finger and closing your eyes as he lightly kissed the top of your head.

A/N: AHHHHHH finally! Now I can tell you this chapter was the idea that sparked everything, it was the idea of them sitting on those bloody steps and him lighting her cigarette with his own that made me want to write all this. Don't worry it's not over yet, we're only just beginning the story I hope you carry on reading a lot as there's loads more to come as they navigate this situation. Hope you like it!

NEXT CHAPTER | More stuff I wrote

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@thesoundresoundsecho @ahoyyharrington @merleisapartygod @sting-0f-ennui @starchaser-lily @ashisabitgay @livingordeadwhoknows @v0relino @evie-beanie @whotfskai @admiringyou @lily-mylove @kirubi @ghostbandghostcodghostface @rockymiles @99tech99 @almizz1 @standepechemode @lovingdilfss @artvoyager @sofacover @bubblegum9468 @spidermansolosurfav @harleyanderson2004 @kissmeunicornbaobei @marine-mayday @beelzebzb @universallyblizzardlove @liv2post @amoraneuro @xluansstuff

[hotpeoplesimp1]

Dean Winchester Oneshot

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem plus!sized reader

Warnings: MDNI, not plot, pure porn. Oral (f receiving), praise kink, thigh slapping though minor, soft!dom Dean, Dean because he is a warning, boob play, dirty talk, p in v, no protection (which is stupid, wrap it before you tap it), insecurities, body image issues. I think that’s it, let me know if I missed anything.

Summary: nothing. Just smut

Feedback is always welcome as long as it’s respectful. This is my first post so be lenient please. Have a wonderful day!

——————

“Fuck, sweetheart… You’re soaked.” Dean breathed out from above me. His green eyes blown with lust and hunger.

My body laying down on the bed, my heart pounding in my chest. Feeling extremely vulnerable and open, but also needy and desperate. Biting my lip in anticipation as he looks stares at my bare, wet pussy. Trying to close my thick thighs, my insecurities creeping into my mind. But he wasn’t having that. He grabbed my thighs and spread my legs.

“No, no.” He tsks. “Don’t you dare try to take this view away from me.” He all but growls. Leaning down and kissing me roughly, his tongue swiping over my bottom lip. I can’t help but groan softly, his hand squeezing at my waist, his other one beside my head, using it to support his weight above me. Lifting my hands up and threading my fingers through his hair, kissing him back just a feverishly.

I still couldn’t believe him of all people, Dean Winchester, liked me. This Greek God of a man, who’s the most amazing person I know. It makes no sense why he would want me. Especially considering the girls he usually goes for, the skinny, model looking ones. While I’m not “fat”, mostly because of hunting, I’m not thin either. I’ve got thunder thighs, a softer, squishy stomach, bigger breasts, and stretch marks.

Before I can get too lost in my thoughts and my overthinking, he trails his lips down my jaw. Sucking and nibbling as he goes. Arching my back into him. One of my hands trailing over his broad chest, his shirt thrown somewhere in the motel room along with my clothes. His hard on pressing against my lower stomach.

“Dean…” I whimper. His lips sucking at my collarbone. Tightening my grip on his hair. His every touch makes my skin tingle, my nerves alight as if I’m on fire.

He simply hums against my skin, smirking. Gliding his lips down my skin, to my breasts.

“God, look at these beautiful tits.” He groans. My face flushing. His calloused, strong hands on my breasts now as he squeezes at my flesh. Pushing them together, as he takes one of my nipples in his mouth. Sucking harshly. My back arching more into him as I moan loudly, bucking my hips. A rush of heat going straight to my core, wrapping my legs around his waist. Tweaking my other nipple between his thumb and forefinger, tugging softly once in a while. Sending a shudder down my spine. Twirling his tongue around my areola, then my nipple before sucking at it again. Once satisfied with the amount of attention given to one tit, he moves to the other, repeating the same thing while his hand groped and squeezes my other breast.

“Please, Dean.” I whine. I’ve got no clue what I’m asking for, just that I’m desperate for it. He chuckles lowly against my skin, sending vibrations through my body. Gliding his skilled mouth down my ribs and stomach. Littering my soft skin with kisses, as if trying to show that I’ve got nothing to be insecure about. My breath hitches when he moves down to my pelvis.

“Wh-what are you doing?” I ask shakily, breathless. Leaning up on my elbows.

“What it looks like.” He answers, still smirking. His strong hands holding my legs open, giving him access to my dripping cunt. “You trust me, right?” He checks. Wanting to make sure I am in fact ok with this and comfortable.

“Yes.” I answer without hesitation. Causing his smirk to morph into a full blown grin.

“You sure? You ok with me eating this pretty little pussy?” He teases. Making me clench around nothing.

“Yes… Please, Dean.” I whimper. My hand in his hair, tugging it slightly, making him growl in response. Sending another bolt of electricity down my spine and to my core.

He lifts my legs over his shoulders, kissing along my thighs sensually. Taking his time, his eyes closed in ecstasy. Getting more impatient, I start to squirm. Before I can complain, he licks a stripe between my folds. Letting out a shuddering moan, both my hands in his hair now, tugging at it harder. I’ve never felt so good.

“Fuck… You taste as good as I thought you would. Could spend the rest of my life like this.” He murmurs against me. Looking up at me with his beautiful green eyes, watching as I react. Wrapping his lips around my clit, sucking softly. Gasping and screwing my eyes shut.

“Eyes on me, baby.” He scolds, slapping my thigh lightly to get my attention. I jolt in surprise at the action, opening my eyes and looking down at him. My lips agape in silent moans, and my brows furrowed in pleasure. He then dived back into my pussy, eating me out like a starved man. Plunging his tongue into me, making my hips buck to get more. Moving his tongue to my clit, drawing lazy patterns on it. It doesn’t take me long to realize he’s spelling his name, the notion making my heart flutter.

I gasp when I feel one of his fingers tracing my entrance. Mewling when he slides it in, rolling my hips. “Fuck, Dean!” I whimper. Feeling him curl it in just the right place.

“God, you’re so hot like this.” He praises. My pussy clenching around his finger, causing him to groan softly. “Been dreaming of this. Making you moan my name over and over ‘til you can’t take it. Of having this perfect pussy all to myself and show you just how fucking perfect you are.” He admits.

My eyes widen in shock, never having expected that. Feeling my stomach erupt in butterflies, my face flushing. I can’t believe he… God… I’m snapped out of my thoughts once again when he slides another finger in. Groaning at the mix of pain and pleasure as his thick fingers stretch me out. His tongue and lips still on my clit, doing wonders.

“Fuck, you’re so tight. Wonder how you’ll take my cock.” He growls. Sending vibrations through my body, clenching around his digits. He slowly starts to pump them in and out, still lapping my clit with his tongue. Making dirty, sinful sounds that I should be embarrassed about, but can’t bring myself to care. Hearing him slurp against my cunt like it’s his favourite meal does things to me. My nerves on fire. He starts to pump them faster, harder, curling them once in a while and hitting my G-spot. That familiar heat growing in my belly.

“God- fuck, I’m gonna cum.” I warn. Arching my back more, grinding against his face and fingers. Tugging at his hair harder, gripping tighter. Throwing my head back in bliss.

“Do it. Cum on fingers like a good girl.” He encouraged. Sending me over the edge. My muscles tense, tightening my thighs around his head. Crying out his name, followed by profanities and praise. He keeps his fingers in, letting me ride out my high, still working his mouth over my sensitive clit. Slipping his fingers out and lapping up my juices, not missing a drop.

“Good girl.” He murmurs. Licking another stripe along my pussy. Then making his way back up my body, kissing me feverishly. Tasting myself on his lips but not caring.

“Dean…” I whimper pathetically. Trailing my hands down to his belt and unbuckling it.

“Someone’s impatient.” He teases, smirking. In retaliation I start to palm him through his jeans. Dean groans and grits his teeth. Dropping his forehead to my shoulder, peppering kisses over my skin. Quickly unbuttoning his pants and helping him tug them and his boxers down. Discarding the fabric with the rest of our clothes.

My eyes widening when I see how… well endowed he is. Wondering how the hell that’s gonna fit in me. Sensing my worry, he kisses me.

“I’ll go slow.” He promises. I nod, leaning up to kiss him again. Placing my hands on his broad shoulders, he lines up his cock. Looking into each other’s eyes as he slides in slowly. Gasping softly at the burn of him stretching me out. My breath getting caught in my throat. Resting my head against the pillows as I get used to his size. His hands on either side of my head, his muscles straining. Letting my eyes flutter closed.

“You can move…” I breathe out. Looking back up at him, seeing his jaw clenched, the vein in his neck bulging. Panting above me. Yet he doesn’t move just yet.

“Give me a minute, sweetheart…” He groans. “I move now, I’m gonna lose control and start pounding into you.” He huffs.

Feeling bold, I lean up again. “It’s ok. I trust you.” I whisper. Kissing his neck slowly. He moans and starts to move. Slowly at first, pulling back until only his tip his inside me. Then pushing back in. He does this only a couple times before picking up his pace. Slamming deep inside me and hitting my G-spot, making me cry out and moan. Digging my fingertips into the skin of his shoulders.

“Fuck… take my cock so well. So-… tight. Can feel you clenching around me…” he growls against my neck. Tilting his head down to watch as my tits bounce from the force of his thrusts. Moving his one hand to grab the headboard, his other grabbing my thigh and lifting to get a new angle. Making my eyes roll back in my head and practically scream his name. “Fuck, Dean!”

“That’s it, baby. Let me hear you.” Deb encourages. Sucking at my neck as he pounds into me relentlessly.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop!” I plead, feeling that coil tighten in my stomach.

“Trust me, I have no plans on stopping.” He assures. Causing me to squeeze his cock again, making him moan.

“M’ gonna-… fuck… I’m so close…” I whimper. Screwing my eyes shut.

“Good girl. Make a mess all over my dick.” He grunts into my ear. Still panting and groaning above me. His permission making my climax crash over me. Seeing stars and my eyes rolling back. My body shaking with pleasure, raking my nails down his back. His thrusts stutter as he gets closer, moaning loudly as I finish.

“I’m gonna cum…” he warns.

“Fuck. Cum, Dean. I want you to cum inside me.” I whimper shakily. My words sending him over the edge, spilling into me and covering my walls with his spend. He collapses on top of me, though supporting most of his weight on his elbows as to not crush me. Kissing my neck, jaw, and then my lips. Moaning against his. The kiss slow and lazy.

He pulls away, pulling out of me. I whine at the loss of the feeling of him, feeling empty. Though he stays hovering above me. Both of our bodies covered in sweat, my hair sticking to my neck and forehead, both of us panting, hearts pounding. Looking up at him with a dazed grin.

“You’ve got no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” He breathes out. Wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him in to kiss me again.

“I really like you, Dean.” I whisper softly.

“I really like you, too.” He grins.

[mrs-monaghan]

https://twitter.com/parkordie/status/1714224017907839040

Nah cuz these drags won't work for Jimin lol

First of all, JIMIN is literally a unisex name which is especially given for baby girls in SK. So there's no need to add anything to make it more girly lmao. His name is commonly used by girls anyway.. we have many girl idols named Jimin but uses stage names because JIMIN is owned by mimi 🤷‍♀️

Second, people really think saying he looks like a woman is offensive ? The same person who asked 'what the heck is men ?', Regularly wears women clothing, drew a bigender tattoo on himself, thinks he looks beautiful when dressed as a girl, calls himself pretty, pretite and delicate, chose modern dance and ballet as his major which are not commonly done by men and is frowned upon in SK, repeated he's NOT manly multiple times in a single interview, likes to keep his body dainty, want to make his booty even bigger, used a woman as his reflection and is VERY fluid with his gender identity representation 🙄🙄 More than anyone else Jimin knows his feminine side and fucking embrace it proudly

If him, his dad and mom, his partner, his members, his freinds and his stans doesn't have a single problem with him not being the usual 'manly' guy then who tf have a problem with how he carries himself ?

The way it's mostly JK solos trying to drag him for this.. are they worried whether he'll steal their man or what 👀👀 or that their 'straight' man won't be able to resist a pretty Jimin around ? Is JK that weak for pretty dainty boys shaz ? 🤔

While reading your ask it took me back to this moment

(Thanks @sarah2711)

RM literally short circuited 🤣😂😂😂 I can't with this clip coz RM takes me out every single time. 😆😆😆😆😆 Dead.

(Me digressing in 1....2.....)

I am surprised that JK doesn't seem to be simping here considering the fact that Jimin was super pissed during this bomb

coz JK wanted him to be in that snow white costume so badly.

Analysis no one asked for in 1....2....

Okay so Jhope says loser will have to dress up as snow white. If you look at Jimin's face, he is not happy

But the best part for me is how JK is looking right at him 🤭🤭

Yes... so are RM and Jhope but there is a reason I'm highlighting JK 😆😆

So Jhope says how this was all JK's idea. But look at Jimin's face when he says "that's right"

This tells me Jimin knew why JK wanted him in that dress. He hee. Jin confirms that this idea is quite recent.

RM concurs adding in this little detail:

Thats the face of a cheeky man up to no good 🤭 Especially when Jhope repeats the rule... and while Jimin is frothing at the mouth 👇🏽 JK is watching him looking quite excited about the prospect of the loser being snow white

We know JK expected Jimin to lose because that's what happens more often than not. Jimin always looses in RPS and JK was counting on this happening. But Mimi wasn't having it and not only can u tell because of how mad he looks, but also because he does the tongue in cheek thing

And we all know depending on the context, this is usually a sign of annoyance.

So the members start to play and guess who JK is watching 😏😏

The reason why this analysis is most probably accurate is because of the face Jimin makes when JK wins dramatically

Did you see that? Okay I will clip just Jimin's face since he moves too quickly for a proper screenshot. But just look how done he is. Zoom in and u can see it even better.

For reasons only known to Jikook, JK really wanted Jimin to be snow white and Jimin was 1300% done with his boyfriend.

Is JK that weak for pretty dainty boys Shaz?

Hmm 🤔

Anon,

[theintrovertbean]

The Night is Ours

Aka my poor attempt at writing smut.

WE ARE SMASHING THE COUNTESS TONIGHT BOIS!!!

Hello, hi, and welcome back. It is I, Esz, the biggest Nadi simp ever known to exist. This time, I bring you some sexy stuff. I actually haven't written smut in three years, and tbh, I did have to step out of my comfort zone to write this, so yeah, please, be nice because, man, when I tell you that my bitch ass struggled 💀

It's kinda short, like your dad's pp, but this is what I was thinking about while listening to this song on repeat. It's straight af, I know, but we're going to ignore that. Listen to it while reading if you'd like, but I think that it eventually stops fitting the lil spicy story? Idk.

I should probably say that English isn't my first language (which is true) because that makes every spicy writing better. And it's also probably not your usual smut, but you'll see. I tried to be a bit poetic.

Nadia is afab and MC is as gender-neutral as they can be.

Enjoy, babes ;)

Minors DNI

The Night is Ours

The door closes. They waste no time, and their lips find each other without any hesitation, tender and loving. They have been thinking about the same thing: as soon as it is all over and when they are all alone, they will get lost in each other's arms. And that is what they do, their hands now freely roaming in an effort to feel as much of the other person as they can, to blindly memorize the feeling of every inch of their bodies.

"Hmm…" Nadia breaks the kiss with a small sound, her eyes red with lust. "You are irresistible, my dear. What am I going to do with you?"

"Everything," MC whispers, allowing themselves to run a finger along the Countess' bottom lip. "We are alone now; no one will interrupt us, my love. The night is ours."

She smiles with nothing but love and adoration dancing on her features. "And you are mine, MC. And I am yours." Then the Countess leans down again, capturing MC's mouth in another sensual kiss.

Their attention focuses only on each other, the love, and the passion they share. They are lost in their maze of love, in the feeling of first their hearts and soon their bodies becoming one.

Hands brush against skin as they reach under layers of fabric, lazily shedding them and allowing them to fall on the ground like leaves of silk. There is no rush, and they both let themselves succumb to a slow pace.

The magician's eyes fall on Nadia's body. They have seen her naked before in the baths and while she dressed, and yet never so bare and vulnerable before. She is always so confident in her appearance, as she should be, for she is the most beautiful woman to ever live, but she can't help the blush that appears on her cheeks under MC's gaze.

She is the woman, a goddess meant to be loved and worshipped. Her body must be appreciated, showered by not only MC's eyes but their lips too. Every caress, every faint touch of hers sends a shiver running down MC's spine.

And MC. Precious, dear MC. A work of art, the embodiment of beauty and perfection. A magical creature in both looks and nature. It is no wonder that the Countess is mad with desire.

Minds clouded by lust, they fall on the bed without ever taking their hands off each other, not even for a moment. They both moan, breaths heavy, their need reaching its final peak.

She descends on them first, leaving trails of kisses on MC's body. Her lips burn their skin like fire, but without the pain, for tonight is only about love and pleasure. Nadia explores them thoroughly, and her mouth lingers for a moment more when she finds a spot that earns a particularly good reaction from them. She allows herself to wander, to explore the map that their body is with a hunger for the grandest of treasures.

"Countess..." The magician exhales when Nadia finally rewards them with a single, gentle kiss between their thighs, but she immediately withdraws. She looks at them expectantly, and MC quickly corrects themselves. "N-Nadia..." They stutter, unable to control themselves any longer, but she knows that. The past few days have been a constant torture, nearly getting caught on multiple occasions, always having to stop for whatever reason, and while she loves to tease them, now it is not the time.

Her eyes stare into their soul like a snake, penetrating their mind, body, and soul with sweet, maddening poison while her mouth pleasures them. Nadia is like poison. Delicious and addictive, setting MC's veins on fire whenever she makes a sound, low hums, or even moans that vibrate through their core and rush through MC's entire being, spreading inside them.

She sucks and licks at all the right places, her work intense and purely focused on reliving MC of days of torment. Some of her memories might be lost, but Nadia knows what she is doing, and now, with the magician squirming under her, she makes good use of her talents.

And when MC finally reaches their climax, they can feel her smirk against their flesh; she is pleased with herself. She takes the same route while kissing up their body, with MC still a trembling mess beneath her.

When her mouth reaches their face, she kisses MC again but soon finds herself on her back with the magician straddling her waist. Her eyes widen in surprise, and then she smiles, feeling a sense of pride in her chest. Her MC is not only smart, adorable, and gorgeous but also exceptionally capable. More than worthy of a Countess' affections.

MC's lips brush against Nadia's skin, their hot breath making her shudder, and her hand reaches for their back. When they reach her breast, she inhales sharply, then Nadia whines when their tongue makes contact with her nipple. She tries to grab onto something, her nails digging into MC's back. Her royal composure falls apart, and she is now at MC's mercy, craving every touch they have to offer.

Then they move, going lower until they are on their knees, where they belong, at the feet of the goddess they are so determined to worship tonight, and they find her slick and wanting with desire for them.

The first touch of their mouth makes her whimper, and then she bites her bottom lip, attempting to silence herself quite unsuccessfully. And as MC continues, they feel ecstatic, completely lost in Nadia and desperate to please her, their hunger almost driving them crazy.

Her scent, her taste, the feeling of her, and her, her, just her. Nadia is not only a person but also a feeling. She feels like experiencing love for the first time. She is a sensation in MC's chest that almost makes them cry happy tears. She feels strong, almost overwhelmingly so. She is joy, almost more than MC can bear. She is the sudden realization when all logic is gone, and then it suddenly hits that this...this is what love feels like.

MC gently grabs onto her thigh, gripping and caressing her flesh there and slowly moving upward. Two fingers are now entering her, and her back arches off the bed. She cries out, her voice making the magician groan into her. Her eyes are closed, but her mouth is open as the most delicious of moans escape her lips. With one hand, she's gripping the sheets, and with the other, she's holding MC's head, fingers tangled in their hair, beckoning them to give her more and guiding them towards her sweetest of spots.

The slightly increasing tremble in her thighs is only an encouragement, and they keep going. Her breaths have turned into short pants, and she can no longer focus on anything but her MC and the divine, wicked combination of their mouth and fingers working towards her orgasm. She comes with a loud moan, her legs squeezing the magician's head between them.

Then MC climbs back onto the bed, settling next to their Countess, and despite the darkness, they can see that she is smiling, happy and content, their heart melting at the sight.

Soon, their lips find each other again because the night is still young and far from over. They still have time to further explore their love for each other.

That night, even the moon is shining only for the Countess and her Magician.

[hologramcowboy]

https://startefacts.com/news/ready-set-aww-danneel-ackles-reveals-how-she-knew-jensen-was-the-one_a136

This whole article is actually gross. Romanticizing her forcing an unscripted kiss to shoot her shot it gross.

Being the confident woman that she is, she decided to kiss Jensen in one of the scenes, even though "that was not scripted."

The scene in question is the one at the end of the movie where Tish (Danneel's character) walks up to Priestly (played by Jensen) and gives him a kiss.

According to the actress, Jensen knew that the kiss was not in the script. No wonder Priestly looks so (pleasantly) surprised in that scene! Who wouldn't be?

Danneel said that the reason for her girlbossing was that she just understood that she "had to do something else, or it would be too late." This is a clear example of feminism working for you, folks!

Kissing someone when they aren’t expecting it and you aren’t sure if they want it while you’re on camera doing your job is not “girlbossing” and it defiantly is NOT feminism. It’s the exact thing men do to women all the time and people point out how wrong it is. There is nothing cute about this story. What makes it worse it that it’s not even completely factual. I mean, maybe that was their first kiss, I don’t know, but the fact that this gross story is what they have chosen as their lie? Tells you all you need to know about them as individuals and a couple.

I can debunk her claim easily and so can anyone in touch with the industry:

As an Actor/Actress there is no universe in which it is okay to make any type of intimate move towards your co-star prior to setting boundaries during rehearsal and asking for their clear definite permission and limits. I repeat, invading personal space, suddenly touching, kissing etc your scene partner by surprise is strictly forbidden and the #metoo movement has plenty of stories that prove my point. Again, no professional actor will EVER invade their scene partner's space or boundaries. Unless they are a creep or lack balance. Even if your co star likes you or is your friend, spouse, whatever, when it comes to acting boundaries are everything and everything is talked about prior during rehearsal and most of the time in the presence of an intimacy coach. So, not sure why these people are publicizing this story, all it shows is that Jensen got harassed on set. That poor man gets objectified and preyed upon so often he ended up thinking that's what love is. This is endlessly sad.

Secondly, this script was written by a woman for a woman centered audience, in which universe do you all think the kiss was not written? Please find a copy of the script.

Thirdly, if the kiss was unplanned why did the camera perfectly frame and capture it? 🤣 Were the crew men psychic? 🤦🏼‍♀️ I mean, I get wanting to level up the Ackles image because they have zero credibility, affability and chemistry but Danneel, if you are going to lie about something to make yourself look good once again at Jensen's expense, at least do your research. Any coach, director, casting director, etc. etc. will tell you straight off that touching, insinuating, kissing, etc all gestures, choices that invade personal space and boundaries are a huge no no without consent. I am so appalled that people are publicizing this. Do you all even realize the negative message you are sending to Actors everywhere? They already have very little to feel safe about, please don't add to it and instead of buying into whatever crap Danneel tries to sell, do your research. Research is King.

Let me reinforce this once more: If you overstep boundaries of your fellow actors (I don't f* care if they are your spouse, brother, cousin, etc), you should get professional help before ever stepping unto a stage/set/audition room floor again. You are what is deeply wrong with this industry. Finally, while Jensen is endlessly beautiful, he does not deserve to be treated like a fish you are trying to catch, Danneel, you are just like any other obsessed fan girl, you view him as an object so much so you kissed him forcefully. ( Yet again you prove you have no love in you). Also, you were set to marry Riley so if YOU chose to forcefully kiss Jensen you chose to willfully betray the man that was the supposed love of your life at the time without a second thought, without scruples. IF the kiss thing is true, because, as stated above, I highly, highly doubt it was not scripted and have very valid reasons to think so.

Moral of the story is: next time you feel like lying, remember there are professional people who have experience in your field, that will see you for the pitiful impostor you are.

[kuraikyu]

@kuroyrii : Quietly places flowers in his hair, she quickly turns to conceal her laughter only to snicker, "The colors go well with your complexion"

In the miscellany of woodland monoculture, she found him once again in the embrace of solitude listening to the sound of the water falling and the sighing of the wind in trees, malformation of mossy stairs carved to the mountainside reminding of an old stronghold long forgotten. His targets less inclined to drive to natural places for enjoyment, now laying lifelessly on the pile not far than a halfcropped kilometer. There will hardly be an ounce of anything but bones and ashes consumed soon either by flames or rot. Monkeys still refuse to put envy of his people behind them, they may still begrudge Sorcerers in their relics and things of beauty; he remembered such fact with each wipe of crimson from his face.

Blood was a peculiar thing that made even most cultured and neat man look like a wild beast in stillness, it could bore cute pink blush or deep brown spots. His sense for restoration dark yet mighty, carrying visual trademarks like insignia of battle on sword. Eyes like pits of smoldering opiates after ferocity of fresh kill.

A kindred spirit dances among trees, her every cadence a bravado breaking etiquette in moonlit gait, stalwart and dependable from both sundry and mirthful times of their storied history, masterful in the art of hunting and stealth, stiff-necked and suspicious only by wit of her tongue, the black lily that comes seeping with fanged smile more liberated than ever before, intruding reverie of his seclusion with ignorance to the carnage behind. The God Hand must have followed the track from sudden outburst of cursed energy evoked by his special grade. She would not ask what had transpired there, instead, it was her hands that spoke louder secrets in her stead, and he almost understood their unhinged language where he recalled distinct soothing. Captivity may prove too great a strain for bunny, so her crimson rather concealed on him colors that came to life and blossomed with his dark excellence when the odds were stacked against them. Something entangled among straight carbon strands. A brisk blink of fluttering lashes sorting inventory in perceptional warehouse of thinking, evoking perplexion, discarding creeping mildew, and awakening consonance from grim tidings. What is this? There's something on his head. Hand wandered up to test out his new enlightened image, caressing something soft and what's next in line for commendation when he realized what kind of structure formed under his fingertips, touch becomes light as a caterpillar's footsteps, drinking in the aromas of velvets producing scent from each little twist. Those were petals from vivid flowers, from what still left of seasonly green; jewel gift of flora that loomed on him like a black crown. Heartbeat skipped up with increasing pulse into his very throat. Sayuri might be the first step in some scheme crammed into small rooms. He breathed out in realization, '' Today I am all soil and ruin and yet you still can't help yourself but to be personally accountable for my beautification? Thought you'd have more urgent errands to undertake like entertaining snoozy patrons. If you ever decide to repeat such practioning in public be wary; it could make some women jealous. '' From string of defense, chuckle preceded deficit in melting venom. Thank you. Rivulets and bouncing waterdrops provided natural a reflection pool for him to lean in closer and check his new decoration. An apparition emerges from behind large oak; manifesting several meters away from them; offering a lined humanoid grin covered by sleeve of vermilion kimono.

'Well?' - a grin the one she could not see while he seemed so distracted and enchanted by blossoms in his strands. Or he purposely pretended to be distracted. 'You want her, don't you? Try and get her.~'

[agentnico]

Top 10 Best Movies of 2022

Happy New Year everyone! Another year, another day, another annual calendar change. Here’s hoping 2023 brings us many more fun movies and entertainment, however before that let’s look back on 2022, and these are the 10 movies that to me personally stood out the most. Doesn’t mean they are your favourite or anyone else’s. This is a full biased me-list. Therefore your lists might be completely different to this one, but at the end of the day that is the beauty of cinema - we all have our own personal opinions and takes. So without much further ado, these are my favourite films of 2022. At this point in writing I am still yet to see The Whale, so even though I feel that Brendan Fraser will absolutely kill in that role, that movie unfortunately won’t be on this list, as I cannot speak of that what I have not seen... duh. Anyway, here we go...

HONOURABLE MENTIONS: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent; Barbarian; Three Thousand Years of Longing; Apollo 10 1⁄2: A Space Age Childhood; Studio 666; Jackass Forever; Babylon, The Sea Beast

SPECIAL HONOURABLE MENTION: ELVIS - This one just missed the Top 10, but I feel like it deserves recognition anyway, so here we are. There’s always something really special about seeing an actor completely lose himself in a biopic role, and Austin Butler achieves that by literally becoming Elvis Presley. Baz Luhrmann’s film is flashy and manic, but there’s a real style to it, and those last 30 minutes are truly heart wrenching. And look, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I had the soundtrack playing on repeat for weeks after seeing this film! Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/688752839453999104/elvis-2022-review

10) PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH - Look, I am as shocked as anyone at how good Puss in Boots: The Last Wish turned out to be. Easily better than its predecessor and in fact taking a run for the money at the better Shrek movies. With remarkable animation, great voice acting and featuring a spine-chilling personification of death in the form of the Big Bad Wolf, The Last Wish is a great sequel for the favourite fearless hero. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/705961629983162368/puss-in-boots-the-last-wish-2022-review

9) MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON - I am going to straight up say it - Marcel is fricking cute! This tiny little shell with very bright pink shoes and one singular googly eye has such an innocent yet overly positive outlook on anything and all. With slapstick humour and loads of heart, this is an adorable little indie film that exists sorely to remind us to appreciate the little things in life that we have. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/700915329295106048/marcel-the-shell-with-shoes-on-2022-review

8) GLASS ONION: A KNIVES OUT MYSTERY - Though nowhere as good as the original Knives Out, Rian Johnson nonetheless manages to conjure up another fun murder mystery whodunnit with a very game cast and a sharp witty script. And again, Daniel Craig’s detective Benoit Blanc with his Southern drawl is a character creation that is so damn good, that I cannot wait to see him again and again and again. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/701987284695875584/glass-onion-a-knives-out-mystery-2022-review

7) ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT - This movie is a bleak experience from beginning to end. From the opening moments where the blood-soaked uniforms of the dead are washed and then handed nice and clean to the new recruits, with the latter having no idea where these clothes have been scavenged from, to the main character Paul stabbing a French soldier in No Man’s Land, only to then have to lie in horror by his side and listen to the victim choking on his own blood, this film is a grim reminder on the terrifying brutality of war, that is unfortunately very relevant to this day. A very powerful adaptation of Erich Maria Remarque’s original masterpiece. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/699530184482766848/all-quiet-on-the-western-front-2022-review

6)THE WHALE - There’s always that one movie a year where folks clamour on about featuring the best acting performance of the year, and how said performance is a shoehorn for an Academy Award. Nine times out of ten that performance ends up being alright, but very overrated. In the case of The Whale, Brendan Fraser deserves all the praise and then some. It’s a role you’ve never seen from him before, and he shows so much emotion just in his eyes... it’s truly incredible. Austin Butler is great in Elvis, don’t get me wrong, but Fraser here does something truly special. Film’s a hard watch, but so worth it for him. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/708405214578917376/the-whale-2022-review

5) X -  X is a shocking and provocative erotic slasher horror that benefits from taking itself seriously enough to be genuinely unsettling, however self aware enough to still have that element of cheese factor, especially when it comes to the sexual scenes and the genre misdirects. Featuring shocking and truly creepy and grotesque sequences, I am reminded of a quote from a character in this movie - “I say this is one goddamn f****d up horror picture”. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/679353856708198400/every-so-often-i-get-a-bright-idea-in-this-case

4) EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE - This one offered us the real multiverse of madness, unlike a certain other Marvel outing this year.  Part science fiction, part black comedy, part drama, part fantasy, part romance, part martial arts film, part family film, part absurdist surrealism, and even an animation at one point, it literally is a movie about everything everywhere all at once. Probably the most original film of the year, which makes sense as it comes from the director’s of that Daniel Radcliffe farting corpse movie. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/685330781899505664/everything-everywhere-all-at-once-2022-review

3) TOP GUN: MAVERICK -  Well pardon my pun, but Top Gun: Maverick is simply ace! This is such an adrenaline fuelled, riveting and exciting action film, and is exactly what perfect summer blockbusters should be like. With nail-biting aeronautics featuring cast members having to train and physically learn to fly the jets themselves, making it feel more real like you’re in the cockpit yourself. Miles Teller spends most of the movie sweating and red faced mid-air with his expression reading “damn, I may actually snuff it”. Truly thrilling stuff. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/686795061603794944/top-gun-maverick-2022-review

2) THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN - Having one of this year’s most simple premises - one friend decides to suddenly unfriend the other, and the other friend refuses to accept it. Result? The funniest bloody movie possible. Equally hilarious yet tragic, I honestly find it difficult to find a fault in this one. Even the ending that really dials up on the dark madness feels deserved and the only direction for these characters to go, especially with the Irish folklore and myths behind it. Also the cinematography is stunning. Like guys, who knew Ireland was so beautiful!? Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/698895813551718400/the-banshees-of-inisherin-2022-review

1) RRR - Of course my No 1 movie of 2022 is RRR. It could only be RRR! No other film this year came even close to the absolute joy I had watching the 3 hours+ of nonstop thrilling action, crazy Bollywood dance sequences (Naatu Naatu is my new life jam!) and a wonderful timeless tale of brotherhood and friendship. And again the action! A dude tosses a motorbike at one point like its nothing!! RRR’s key success is its sincerity. Unlike typical modern day Hollywood blockbuster cash-grabs (no shade!), RRR never strives to be anything other than its supposed to be. It’s a Telugu movie through and through, and you can tell the director, actors and crew are so unified in their collective mission and passion for the material that it simply glistens on the screen. It’s insane, its romantic, its funny, its exhilarating, it’s everything you’d want from a movie and more! Bloody love RRR I do! Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/693281002805690368/rrr-2022-review

[lured-into-wonderland]

“Hello, Nunnally. The dress I gave you the other day seemed to lift your spirits, so I thought you could use some apparel that would stand out from the rest of your wardrobe. Apparently, it’s called a ‘Lolita’ styled dress.” A frown soured his face after realizing the term could raise suspicion given a popular novel known amongst all avid readers. “And no, they’re not referring to the book by Vladimir Nabokov, so rest assured this way of fashion has no negative connotation or anything vile of that sort. Just try it on already and tell me what you think of it.”

Before the girl could respond, he hurriedly extended the Lolita dress, predominantly exhibiting a velvet red up until the upper breast piece, donned in a collection of titanium white frills and an equally crimson ribbon with a rose centerpiece, shoving it into her dainty hands.

It looked like garb straight from a fairytale illustration, perhaps one too childish for the likes of Nunnally, but the Vampire couldn’t help but exult in the potential sight of her wearing this impromptu present from him, given how it boasted a similar blood color as the other lavish gift. By now he cherished how carmine complemented her complexion to the most flattering degree.

“It’s certainly nice to see you wear red other than your own blood every now and then.”

When Ruki entered the room, the only thing that attracted Nunnally’s attention was how the Vampire was dressed. She was not used to seeing him in a suit and that alone made her unsecure. When he mentioned the dress he gave her the other day, the girl blushed as she still felt extremely guilty for accepting it then. When Ruki unwrapped the gift and explained about the famous piece of literature, Nunnally only partially paid attention to his actions. Her left hand touched the fabric of the dress in an inattentive manner.

“My own blood…” – Nunnally repeated quietly after Ruki. She did not look happy. She rather looked sad…or perhaps even worried. She looked at the dress and then at Ruki again.

“The dress is beautiful, Ruki. Thank you for thinking about me… I’d love…I’d love to keep it and wear it but…but I cannot accept it.  I should not have accepted the previous one as well. I know I did, and nothing I say can provide any justification for my actions…” – she paused and averted her gaze from Ruki.

“Who am I for you, Ruki?” – Nunnally asked – “Why are you dressed up like that? Were you planning to ask me…out?” – she stopped.

“Do you know Ruki…or perhaps do you still remember…” – she started and almost immediately paused again; everything was going wrong and Nunnally did not know how to explain it all to the Vampire. She did not want to insult him by refusing his gift.

“You know I do not belong here. To this world.” – she tried again – “I was brought up believing that a girl…a girl cannot accept such lavish gifts…from a man… I know times have changed and I know I have already done it…”

Then she stopped again. It made no sense. Nunnally sighed thinking about Lady Beatrix. “She would have definitely condemned my behaviour. She was not really fond of me.”

And then another thought possessed the girl’s mind. A much more important than a decision if to accept the dress or not. Nunnally looked at Ruki. She was visibly scared, but she also looked like a person who had just made up her mind.

Nunnally’s left hand again touched the fabric. This time firmly. Her right hand moved towards Ruki’s cheek. But it was stopped on its way.

“My own blood…” – she repeated quietly again.

“I will wear the dress, Ruki” – she said out of a blue – “Right now. You will only have to assist me in putting in on.” – she continued internally slapping herself. Then, perhaps even more surprisingly, she added.

“Ruki, you’ll need to stop drinking my blood. It can poison you. At times at least. You felt it…back then in the school corridor. I know you did!”

Before the Vampire could say something, she put her finger close to his lips, yet not touching them.

“And now help me to change. We are going out. It is why you came here with the dress, isn’t it?” – she said firmly in a voice that she did not use to Ruki for a long time. Perhaps not after their first or second encounter.

And then she got scared of everything she did. And if she realized that she had chosen the worst way to approach Ruki. She could never understand him. But she did not want him to be angry at her.  

“You will take me out, won’t you, Ruki? I want to stargaze with you. Please… I am sorry for what I said. Can you simply forget all that?”

[laura-bradley24]

The teacher

Fucking anatomy! It has always been the subject that I struggled with the most at high school, and now at University. I have just completed my first year at one of the most prestigious schools, the University of New South Wales. I still cannot believe I got accepted into one of the best medical programs the country has to offer. A pinch me moment I don’t think i will ever get over. With that being said, fucking anatomy has kicked my ass this first year. I passed the exam in my first semester, but only just. I’ve decided to dedicate my summer break to really study anatomy and physiology, without the pressure of deadlines and exams, to really smash pathophysiology of disease in my second year.

When i enter the library i find that it is so quiet and peaceful. Nothing like when it is full of egoistical maniacs who only received a spot at this uni through mummy and daddy’s pay check. This is heaven. This is how a library should be. No one around me except for a man who looks old enough to be my dad. He is hard at work, possibly a post-grad student. I will leave him be and find an area far away from him. I’m nice like that.

I find my spot in a dark corner; my back is up against the wall of the library giving me a full view of whoever comes in and out of this library. There is a row of medical books and journals to my left. Lord knows i will need them. I can smell the old books and instantly it makes me feel at ease.

A couple of hours go by and i decide i need a latte. I leave all my belongings at the library, i cannot be bothered with lugging all of it with me. I put my AirPods in, naturally put “kiss it better” by Rihanna on full volume and head towards the sweet sweet sound of coffee being made.

On my return, i noticed another dedicated soul in the library. I wonder what he is studying… wait why is he sitting right next to my things? For fucks sake dude, you have a whole library why must you sit near me! Wow Rosie, calm down. Maybe he didn’t see your stuff there! My anger comes back with logic- as if he couldn’t, i basically have moved in with the amount of shit i brought with me. Okay, it doesn’t matter, just because i am polite to others doesn’t mean they need to be polite back. Maybe it’s a rich fuck boy whose daddy bought the kids’ education with sponsoring the library and he feels he can just invade anyone’s personal space.

As i move closer i can see that this isn’t a boy. This is a man. This man oozes confidence. I can literally smell it rolling off of him. He has dark thick hair which i recognise. Maybe I have seen him on campus before. As i walk closer i realise it is my fucking anatomy and physiology lecturer from first session. What are the chances? Maybe I overreacted. Okay, I definitely overreacted! I will have to make the most of this and pick his brain as best as i can. If he lets me that is. Oh god, please let him help me.

I am almost at our table now and i forgot just how devastatingly beautiful this man is. Not just his mind is brilliant, his jawline is strong, his lips are full and those eyes. Those stunning, alluring green eyes that demand respect and mean business. “Hey Liam, it’s Rosie from first session. How are you?” Oh my god this man smells so good. What is it that i can smell…cedar? “Yes i remember, how are you Rosie?”. The way he asks me in that low voice makes me weak at my knees and sends lightning bolts straight down to my pussy. “What are you doing here?” I ask him in an unnatural tone. Shit. I repeat in my head “you can not fuck your teacher, you can not fuck your teacher, YOU CAN NOT FUCK YOUR TEACHER!”. I don’t even listen to his response, all i can focus on is his lips when he speaks. Those lips look like they could really fuck a girl up. My mind wanders off to thinking about kissing them, running my tongue along them, biting them. Shit. Fuck. Why is this man turning me on so much right now? “Hmm sorry, what was that?” Pay attention Rosie!

“I asked what it is you are studying”.

“Oh, anatomy and physiology actually”

“You passed my class” He says in more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah i did. I just want to make sure that it is cemented into my brain before i start studying how disease takes over the body” my response comes out quite nervous. And thank the lucky stars cause he has asked me if i want some help with my study.

We are going over the cardiovascular system. There are three textbooks open and my laptop. My brain, yet again, is fried with information. This is such a complex system. My hands go up to cup my face and i let out a loud sigh. Liam looks at me, his lips turn into a half smile which just melts me to my core. “Break time” Liam demands. “I just need to go down this isle and find another textbook on the pulmonary system” i respond. “Okay, i’ll come help you look”.

We are searching for the right textbook when i feel something running down my arm slowly. I turn my head to look and i see it is Liams hand running down my arm. Tingles shoot up my arm to my neck and straight back down to my pussy. “You have been working so hard Rosie, I am so proud of your dedication to your study. I’d like you to feel how hard it has made me”. OH MY FUCKING GOD. Liam takes my hand and places it on the outside of his jeans. Hard is all i can feel. Rock fucking hard. “You look like you need to release some tension Rosie, i want to make you come baby so you can focus back on your study”. Is this really happening or did i fall asleep at my desk? That thought is pushed out of my brain so quickly as Liam spins me around to face him. He looks at me with those damn green eyes demanding me to pay attention to him. “Do you want me to make you come, Rosie?”

Part two coming

[nylahsviewontheworld]

ear-worms

There is a constant playlist of songs rapidly flowing in my brain. The songs I find myself most connected to are songs about love and heart break. Although I have never had my heart broken, I love love and I find songs that tend to be about heart-break have deeper meaning. The comparison between who they were before they got their heart broken and who they are left to be draws me in. I love the raw, and uncivilized emotions and how they are now someone who is broken. Because I believe, that everyone is a little cracked.

The 5 songs I have chosen:

"Set Fire to the Rain"- Adele

"In a new bed"- Matt Maltese

"Moving on"- Kodaline

"Time has come again"- Last Shadow Puppets

"Scott Street"- Phoebe Bridgers

"Set fire to the rain" is a classic. I remember hearing this song when growing up, and feeling overwhelmed by the amount of angst this song has. This song makes me feel like I had gotten my heart broken, and I am now seeking for answers as to why they left. I specifically love the bridge, where she says "even now when were already over, I cant help myself from looking for you." This song is definitely the first song I will play when I am going through heartbreak. I found "In a New Bed", after I had heard Matt Maltese's song "As the World Caves In." I had fallen in love with the raspiness in his voice and how it combatted perfectly with the dark lyrics. I then found in a new bed and it shortly became one of my favorite songs of his. In a new bed is about how time changes and how she's moved on with someone else and is sleeping in their bed. Resembling the name of the song in a new bed. This song drew me in because it was one of the first heartbreak songs I had heard from a guys perspective. I had only heard guys perspectives on heart break from songs dating back to the 70's. This, was a fresh new take on modern music and it had drawn me in. "moving on" by Kodaline is one of those songs you can listen to on repeat and it would never get old. This song is so beautiful. It talks about how he sees the woman he used to love and she has moved on and became the woman she wanted to be and he was in awe of her. He questions how she remembered him. Then, towards the end of the song, he says that he'll keep on moving on to get over her. Hence, the name of the song. This song felt like poetry. I was drawn into this song because it was also written from a mans perspective. "Time has come again" by the last shadow puppets is such an enthralling song. From the beat to the lyrics, I was drawn in. They kind of reminded me of the arctic monkeys, but I felt their songs were more my style. They are now my favorite band. This song was something I had found purely based on luck. This is definitely the most poetic song of the bunch. It discusses how the time has come again for them to get back together after being on and off since they were 16. This song is truly beautiful, I have no words when listening to it. Finally, "scott street" by phoebe bridgers makes me cry every. time. Scott street is not a song about your heart being broken, but more so a song about growing up. I remember listening to this as my friends were leaving me for college and crying for 1-2 hours straight. This song is about leaving your hometown and all you know and coming back a different person. My favorite line from this song is "anyway don't be a stranger." I now say this to my friends all the time because I am worried they will forget me when they meet new people.

[engagedtobefree]

Chris, Part 2

I had to reschedule my appointment from April 28th, so I chose May 8th as the new date since I took off that week and the date just kinda jumped out at me. I get to my dental office and check in, and I’m seated maybe a minute before the door opens and Chris calls my name. I can’t see him from where I’m seated, but as I stand up and walk forward, I see his face. His whole face. Every other time I’ve been here, Chris has always had his mask on, so I know he took it off specifically for me. It’s a nice surprise. I already knew what he looked like, but seeing his face in person is completely different. He is the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen.

He takes me back into the room and as I hang my bag up, he’s talking. I look over at him and he ends with his mouth pulled up to the left in a crooked smile. Outwardly, I don’t react, but internally I am melting. He is extra talkative today and immediately starts joking with me. I can’t think straight. My ADHD brain is short-circuiting from all of the excitement and the speed at which this is all happening. Also, in certain settings, like doctors offices (or dental, in this case), I tend to be more reserved.

For most of my appointment, Chris mostly asks me questions and then pulls out of my mouth to let me answer. He is really going through one question after the other and in a different setting, I would love to flesh out my answers more, converse with him, and ask him questions back. It’s a bit difficult here though. He does remember a lot of our conversation from when I was here in October. I’ve thought about that appointment 100 times over, and I guess it must have been on repeat at least a little bit in Chris’s mind too. 

Chris tells me it’s his birthday, which I guess would explain why my intuition told me to pick this day to reschedule. I ask him how old he is and at first he doesn’t tell me, then he says he’s 36. So he’s 4 1/2 years older than me. I ask him why he came in on his birthday (without thinking, because obviously I would’ve been sad if someone else cleaned my teeth today), and he says he had to come in to see me. I’m not sure if he was originally going to take off, or if he was always going to come in anyway and is just using the opportunity to flirt with me. In fact, he is flirting hardcore. I was not expecting this. He keeps complimenting my teeth (even when the doctor comes in later to check, he tells him I have beautiful teeth) and at one point he leans forward talking to me and places his hand on my upper arm. I don’t always like to be touched, but my body welcomes his hand on my arm, and I feel warmed by it. 

At one point, Chris asks me where and I live and adds, “Is it just you and your cat, a partner...?” “No, I’m single.” I beam up at him. He leans forward and his brown eyes peer down into my blue ones. Then I see his eyes get squinty like mine; he’s smiling. We lock eyes for a brief moment, and I feel flooded with a warmth and a light. This is my favorite moment from the day. He starts working on my mouth again and says he just had to check and make sure. Then out of nowhere he says, “How? I’m sorry, but how is that even possible? You have nice teeth, a nice smile, [stunning] eyes.” (Can’t remember his exact words). I want to tell him I’m picky but stop myself because I don’t want him to think I’m not interested. This man is pampering me today and I don’t know how to respond. I think I am just awestruck. Has any man ever been so sweet to me? Not that I can recall.

Normally, I am very flirty when I want to be, and right now I want to be, but I just can’t find the words to say. I keep thinking about his eyes. He has those youthful, bright, sparkling eyes, a gift from Venus, similar in that sense to mine. (Taurus and Libra are both ruled and blessed by Venus). At the same time, there is a depth to them that I would love to explore. I’ve never been so fascinated by someone’s eyes before. 

My appointment goes way too fast. If I could, I’d sit here the rest of the day just talking with Chris. He schedules my next appointment and I start to get nervous. I don’t want to leave without his number. I’m still sitting in the chair and I turn around, watching him write in my folder. My mind is racing. Is he going to give me his number or am I going to have to ask? I feel like maybe I messed this up, not showing enough interest when I am very much interested in him. I am trying to think of a way to ask, but I might just have to go for it, plain and simple. I wish I could think straight. I turn back to look at Chris again and he’s writing something on a small slip of paper. He hands it to me and says, “I have to take my chances here.” I take the piece of paper and stare at it in disbelief. Written on the paper is his name and phone number. This is really happening. Chris walks me back towards the waiting room, and I stop at the checkout desk when I don’t need to. He realizes I’m not behind him and comes back for me. Whoops lol. At least I made him laugh. I walk past him and as we smile, locking eyes, he says it was good seeing me again and I respond telling him it was good talking with him again. 

I take a few moments to compose myself in my car, then snap some pics and videos to Amanda and Stacy, both of whom are on standby waiting for my update. They both respond immediately, with Stacy even calling me, asking for even more details. When I get home I eventually tell her I have to go. It’s been like 40 minutes since I left and I don’t want to leave Chris hanging for too long, especially since it’s his birthday, though I know he might not even be able to check his phone anyway. He responds within the hour and says he wasn’t sure if I would actually text him or not. I tell him I was glad he gave me his number. I have to really make up for my lack of flirting with him going forward. We text for a bit, and he send me his band’s YouTube page. I’ve already been on there loads of times, but only really watching videos of them talking and stuff like that. I refrained from listening to their music for the most part because I felt like maybe that would’ve been too much, especially since I had to dig really deep to even find Chris online, and to me it felt like even that was maybe too much since he clearly doesn’t want to easily be found. But now I have permission to listen :) He texts me the next day saying happy birthday to Weasley (my cat’s birthday is the day after his lol). We don’t text Wednesday and then I reached out to him yesterday. I’m trying to rein in my excitement and to just pace things, not moving too fast. I would like to talk to him on the phone though, but I think I am going to wait to see if he initiates that. I’m not entirely sure what his plan is, so I’m going to engage but not take the lead.

From an outsider perspective, I probably look like I’m getting way too excited way too soon, but I know, I just know that this is going somewhere good. There is no other way for me to convey that. When you know, you just know.

Oh, and another thing: I had an important revelation after my appointment with Chris on Monday. Back in 2017, I made a pact with myself that I wasn’t going to be with anyone unless I really, truly wanted to be with them. For the past 5 1/2 years, I thought that was enough. Since last year though, I actually really started to evaluate exactly what and who I want, but also what I’m getting in return and how I’m being treated. It dawned on me Monday evening that all this time, my pact has been incomplete, I was missing the second half to it: the other person also has to really, truly want to be with me. It sounds so simple, so obvious, so logical, but I always spend so much time focusing on what I’m giving and how I’m treating others that I often let my own needs fall to the wayside. A one-sided relationship will never be a healthy one, and I’m no longer settling for that. It feels so nice feeling that second piece fall into place. It’s like I’ve been living in the wilderness all this time and I’ve finally made my way back home.

[mywordswillneverbeenough]

1 am rant because I can't stop thinking about how shitty men have been to me in the past and i watch my friends go through the same thing and its heartbreaking and feels like maybe more women can probably relate?? Who doesn't like a haters club for men??? We should all join really cause have you seen men lately , lol.. ???

I'd like to also add that yes I am certified crazy so if none of this makes sense to you or if you have a different perspective please comment so we can chit chat 😊

-----------

Its a small town. Most of the men are on drugs, married and cheating, cheating, single and still messing with their ex, etc LOL

Obviously not all men, just some that I've noticed are like this and I honestly don't know why but I know women will never get a straight answer, lol.

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Why do men date women when they have severe trauma themselves that they don't go get fixed or worked on cause they don't deal with emotions and don't know how to even talk to a therapist ??

As bad as you want them to go, they will never want to because it's embarrassing for some of them to get help for some reason?? Then they go find a nice girl whos mentally fucked up cause somehow men can SMELL if they got low self esteem cause those women will end up taking care of you cause they hate themselves and fear being alone so they look for validation in a BOY, who doesnt even know the first thing anout being a man... and men see how vulnerable women are so much that they make you fall in love with a different person instead of his TRUE colors and then boom 1 year later your trauma resurfaces because let's face it, you can only drown it for so long.... you start to notice the same toxic pattern and then you realize they don't care about you in the first place. We always figure it out... some sooner than later but as a woman we know in our gut when someone is being fake because have you ever BEEN A GIRL?? There's more fake females then males, I personally think because usually men are who they really are around other men and women are clearly not and so by our teens we've mastered manipulation, lying, gas lighting and any other toxic behaviors that we see in women because we are that. Men try to play a game that if you know what you're doing, you will win every time and they will lose but BE SMART. Play your cards right... not every man is awful and I know that but because we all wear a mask, I feel like it will never change but get worse...

You know what kills me the most??

Men knowing we have trauma and they still give us trauma and anxiety anyway knowing damn well we aren't over certain things that will cause the damage they are doing so much worse???

Even more severely depressed but to the farthest degree where you have nothing left to fight for, in some cases, including yourself??

Like who the hell told my brain that you could control my every waking thought and how hard my chest beats anytime I think about you ??? I don't remember giving you a statement signed by me giving you permission to take over my world by literally just laughing or looking at me with those big beautiful blue eyes??

I have severe anxiety and when they make the slightest wrong move or say the wrong thing , I can get obsessive over what that means or what it doesn't mean?? Its Too much and then I'm told that I am too much..

Or sometimes it's that they didn't do something or say something that you were looking for whether you straght up said what you needed from them or if they just took the hint and said what they thought was best, it doesn't matter because its not what you were looking for and now it feels like you have to fight them to get the BARE MINIMUM of what you need and that's just too much...

I especially hate telling a man what to say cause its just not meaningful after they repeat exactly what you said instead of making it into their own words and I just feel like it's thoughtless and emotionless and they're only repeating it cause they're annoyed and over it and done arguing because in reality they dont think about how WE feel??

So I'm like fuck you I'm going to shut down and not say shit but they get mad and act like I'm trying to fight them then and somehow they dont get that I'm just really upset that i feel like they're faking emotions in the relationship and obviously it would be a big deal to anyone??? Lol

And sometimes they say the most off the wall shit and youre just like ... wow i am stupid for believing every word this man ever said from the beginning ... and you wanna leave but you can't because you don't know if you're as crazy as he makes you feel for real ??

or if he makes you feel like your crazy cause he actually can't provide what you need and can't say that as man because they're too prideful and full of their small ego??? So they put you down so much that you start to believe it when really that's how they feel about their own self?? Lol

So... sometimes when we argue they wanna cheat or act out or something and say it's our fault for pushing them there?? cause we made them mad or because we don't trust them?? but like lol that's why lol ??

my ex was bad for that and even tho another one isn't, he's still bad for cheating on me when I was in the mental hospital because he was "angry" at me but said if I went to said hospital that everything was fine between us and we could work it out so tell me why or how you justified cheating on me ??

That shit is wild even if it was just messaging someone lol Again, a woman needed a man and he wasn't there cause he was too busy filling his own selfish wants instead of what we both needed which was each other I thought, smh....

and how are we supposed to trust you if you can't handle a damn argument and settle it with us before you try to message other women??

Why you even in a relationship for , boo?? Grown men don't play games!! Gtfo of here with that shit!!

I am finding myself obsessing for days, and heartbroken to the point its almost unbearable and FOR WHAT lmao ???

I could almost guarantee you that the sex isn't even worth it or as good or often anymore...

and since they like to judge women on looks and with their penis then the only fair thing to do is judge them on how well their performance was or how long they can last and obviously the size of the boat, ya??

But when you do that, they got to go fuck another girl to show you that it doesn't matter to them LOL

But they just look trashy and gross and It helps you move on instead??

Sometimes it makes it worse cause then you're like wtf is wrong with me?? Girl, it's never you though.

If he cared how he's supposed to, they wouldn't make you feel crazy for feeling the way you do and REASSURE YOU. Right ?? Idk... maybe it's just me..

In the end, fighting and bitching never works and neither does doing everything else but fighting and bitching...

it doesn't change them or make them even want to do right..

there's literally no way around it but yet you can't let go of the fact that you feel stupid now or maybe you look stupid because its EMBARRASSING to date BOYS who have no self control or respect when it comes to YOU but do right by his family and basically anyone who isn't the girlfriend??

What happened to RESPECT for women???

Why should I give you that part of me anymore that I let you control because it's only breaking my heart and causing me to fuck up when I can't afford to not do what I'm supposed to be doing , ya know what I mean???

No?? Just me??

[sukirichi]

reckless [01.]

With a lackadaisical playboy as your boss, being reckless wasn’t an option. But on the one time you let loose and made mistakes, your life is shattered, and now you’re playing house with your insufferable boss who is the father of your baby.

✘ cw. explicit smut, accidental pregnancy, playboy! gojo, slight angst

✘ note. dedicated to wifey @7tsumurai​ who also made the banner and always supports me and showers me with love aaaa i love you baby <3 also this fic is mostly romance and fluff so i hope you enjoy this as much as i did writing it! thank you to @chosonore​ for pr-ing UWU. and we get like...10-15 chapters of this?!

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You shouldn’t be doing this.

The night was young; streaks of gold flashing with the shimmering jewellery collared on your neck, the romantic humming of the violins pairing perfectly with the champagne that fizzed in your hand. It was supposed to be another day at work where you accompanied your boss to one of his events, considering the Casanova refused to bring his girlfriends in fear they might get the wrong idea he liked them outside the bed. It should be just another day at work; you’ve accompanied him hundreds of times before. Today wasn’t any different.

And yet it was.

You blamed it on the alcohol. On the slow dancing. On the fact he hadn’t stopped complimenting you all night and you’d been so stressed, the amount of planning and sleepless nights sacrificed in exchange of preparing for this event made you grab for three more flutes, the touch of your undeniable attractive boss permanent on your waist.

Satoru was equally aggravated. You’d worked him long enough to recognize even the smallest of cues, and the fact you’d spend nearly every hour of the day working with him for weeks straight in the office let you know he needed to let off some steam.

And what better way to relieve both of your tensions if not to give in to the cloud of lust?

The sultry gazes, the clashing perfumes between rose and musk, and the alcohol – the fucking alcohol – that gave way to you succumbing to your desire just this once.

There were no more thoughts – or if there were, they were muddled – as you kissed him back just as passionately, forgetting the fact his stylist spent an hour gelling his hair back to perfection as your eager fingers traced over his scalp. How you ended up in the back of limousine was beyond you, and neither was it your biggest concern when Satoru insisted you kept your heels on; his large hands caressing all the way from the ankle pressed beside his waist up to your waist.

You felt his daft fingers move the lacy thong you wore especially for tonight (not because you expected something, but the boost in confidence felt necessary) before he slides inside almost too easily.

Both your gasps and moans are swallowed in the stuffy compartment, windows fogged saved for the handprint you’d left when he hit a sensitive spot. He was moaning in your neck, skin slippery and sweaty as you slid from one another, seemingly never staying from one place as your hands treaded through his hair down to rake your nails on his back; his touch angry on your hips before his thumb found home in your clit.

As much as you hated him, hated his reputation, you couldn’t deny he really earned his title for being an absolute god in sex. You were no virgin, but you’d never felt this good, never felt this alive as bruises began to form in your skin and his lips hungrily sought out yours.

“S-Sir...”

“Satoru,” he corrected through your lips, the kiss barely even one when you were too busy moaning left and right. Satoru hitched your leg up to fold it right beside your waist, allowing him to explore deeper territories that not even you could mark.

His stare on you is perverted; openly wanton as he lets his empyrean gaze snake down to where your bodies connected. It was embarrassing to be this spread wide open for him, though it didn’t matter much, not when you clutched onto his bicep for dear life and panted breathlessly. He was kissing you everywhere – smearing your lipstick all over your lips and his, a stain of red on his hard, white collar and love bites marked deep into your collarbones and under your breasts. You tightened around him once he changed his rhythm into a more sensual one; the quick pace replaced with him pulling out slowly – inch by delicious inch until you felt empty with each growing second – before slamming back inside with fervidity that he never quite possessed behind his desk.

He groaned at your walls clenching down on him, his hips stuttering in the process. “Call me Satoru.”

“Satoru,” you moaned out, and his next sounds were pained. Pained because you sounded too gorgeous, felt too good, and with you following his hips thrust by thrust, neither of you would last any longer. Not even as you shake your head, lips swollen as you remind him, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“We shouldn’t,” he agreed with a curled lip, sweat beading from the streaks of his white hair. “But I want you – god, you’re so beautiful tonight. Need to fuck you good—”

Gojo Satoru, one of the most eligible bachelors in the entire South East Asia and ranked as the second richest man in his early twenties, was a man of his word despite his reputation. Just as he was praised and fawned over for his beauty, charisma, and power, he was equally hated for breaking the hearts of women and treating his past ‘lovers’ like they were objects. The news were so confident of it; that he fooled them, played around with them, but behind the scenes, you knew Satoru wouldn’t do such a thing – from the first time he laid his eyes on someone, he made it extremely clear they were not to be attached. Everything with him was physical and sensual – anything beyond that would simply be out of character.

You weren’t surprised that he really did keep his word and fuck you good, because you couldn’t feel your legs the next morning and even though it had been hours, you still very much felt the shape of him carve through you.

The bastard wouldn’t stop laughing, of course, snickering under his breath every now and then each time he saw you grimace from doing simple things such as standing up and giving him the files he asked for. Perhaps it was because your dislike for him was apparent that Satoru quickly went back to fooling around, pretending you didn’t exist and only approaching you when need be. There were still moments you had to clean his mess up for him; taking his drunken phone calls at 3am because he got wasted in a bar, or doing the same for his current sex buddy who he didn’t want to stay in his home.

He was terrible, terribly awful that you despised this part of him.

You were only grateful enough that neither of you brought that night up ever again, for no matter how immensely hellish of an experience it had been, it was also something you’d really rather not be reminded of.

But now, there was no more running away from it. The truth stared at you blatantly in the form of two white lines that had appeared four times already from previous tests.

You were pregnant.

The world had never been that heavy on you. You had a rough upbringing, but it was a household filled with love and patience that it was innate in your nature to keep strong, be levelled, continue moving forward even during the times it felt like everyone and everything was going against you. You’d been through so much worse and you can do this, but you still couldn’t stop the tears that pushed from your eyes, your heart shattering the same time you dropped the stick.

“No, we won’t cry, it’s okay. I can handle this – I’m strong,” you repeated to yourself like a mantra, taking deep breaths to stabilize yourself. Clearly, this was unexpected, but you wanted to do your best, had to do your best. You didn’t have time to lose your composure, so you quickly fished your phone out your purse to dial the person you trusted the most.

“Rei...?”

Your best friend picked up on the second dial. “Sweetheart, where have you been?! I’ve been calling you for like hours now and you’re not picking up, I heard you called in sick for work and you never do that even when you’re about to pass out!” Some shuffling could be heard from the background before she spoke again, her tone a lot more gentle in response to your muted sniffles. “Is there something going on? Do you need me to drop by there right now? Tell me what you need; I’ll be there right away.”

“No, no, Rei, it’s fine, I just...”

“Sweetie,” she sighed, “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

You nodded even though she couldn’t see it. Rei had been there for you in everything, starting from when you newly arrived in the city; fresh-eyed and hopeful for new opportunities. She’d been there when you first complained your boss was a creepy flirt, all the way until you’d made peace with said boss and remained firm in your boundaries. But those boundaries had clearly been crossed – no, rather, you erased those boundaries. You were drunk enough to give in to the need to be touched, but sober enough to consent to everything that happened. You couldn’t place this all on him.

“I’m pregnant,” you said eventually, voice barely above a whisper as you added, “And Satoru’s the father.”

Rei stopped munching on her – you assume – bagel.

“Satoru? Gojo Satoru, your boss, bonafide casanova, the face on billboards and one of the most “eligible” bachelors in the country, billionaire Gojo Satoru?” she let out in one breath, the image of her flipping her hand out in the air in disbelief as clear as day. “Am I really hearing this right? I’m not going crazy, am I?”

You sighed.

“We were drunk. I slept with him.”

“Did that bastard force himself on you?”

“No, gosh, never,” you defended with widened eyes, sitting back down on the toilet with the lid now closed. You couldn’t look at the tests even if you dared yourself to, the plastic bag concealed in the garbage or else you’d feel sick all over again. “I-I wanted it too...we just got carried away and the night was just...I don’t know. I don’t know what came over me and why I did that, but there’s no point in fretting about it because I’m carrying his baby now.”

“Well,” she started unsurely, “What are you going to do?”

“I’m keeping it. There’s no way I would even consider abortion.”

“But what about him?”

The back of your head throbbed in pain. Just thinking about his stupidly handsome face made you want to throw up once more. “I don’t really want to tell him, but he has a right to know that he’s going to be a father.”

“Will he even take responsibility for it?”

You swallowed nervously, nibbling on your thumbnails before snatching your hand away. Composure was something you didn’t struggle with; you were the more reliable one in the duo of you and Satoru, but you had a bad habit of picking on your nails whenever you were anxious. Had it not been for Satoru flicking your nails away from your mouth each time you dazed out a little bit, you would’ve never gotten rid of the habit, but it all came crashing back down on you in an instant.

A heavy knot formed in your belly.

“Most likely not, I know how he’s like. He loves his single life so much that he’d never allow to be tied down like this. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he tells me he doesn’t want it.”

“What an asshole!”

“Yeah, he is, but I don’t need him in my life,” you reinstated, finally feeling more confident the longer you talked to Rei. She was your instant hype machine in more ways than one; her presence itself gave you the reassurance you could handle everything your way. With hope blooming in your chest, you picked yourself of the toilet and wiped away your tears. You could do this – you can handle this. Not just for you, but this baby growing in you as well.

“In our life. I’m more than capable of taking care of the baby myself,” you told her, gaze hard and determined as your sunken reflection stared back at you in the mirror. Sighing, you shook your head and pictured Satoru’s face, already picturing a thousand ways this could go wrong. Only one way to find out.

“I have to go now. He needs to hear about this and then I’ll resign. Probably move back home – anywhere that’s away from him.”

“Doesn’t the baby deserve to meet their dad?”

“Their dad doesn’t even want to be one,” you muttered bitterly and threw your sweater back on, refusing to kick yourself around any harder. Now wasn’t the time to be illogical; you were now a mother and had to be responsible now more than ever. But first, you needed some well-deserved rest after endless agonizing of missing your period, along with the baby drop that until now, had shook you to your core. “I’ll call you back, Rei. I’m very tired.”

“You let me know if you need anything, okay?” Humming in response, you ended the call and crawled back to bed.

It wasn’t that you felt lonely, but you didn’t feel particularly belonging anywhere. You were far from home in a city that felt like the future, and each day you come home, it was mostly just a place to rest before you went back to work the next day. It was a dull, empty routine that you’d gotten used to, but never had it sunk deep into you that you did felt completely hollow.

But not anymore.

You were with your baby now, and as much as it scared you shitless to be a mother with zero preparation and knowledge, you were confident things were going to be okay.

Wrapping an arm around your belly, you had the best sleep you’d had in years.

You’d just have to worry about tomorrow. Hopefully, and you quite prayed harder than you ever did before, Satoru would let you go and keep things less complicated than it already was.

“No,” Satoru shook his head, his words dropping like a heavy boulder in the middle of nowhere. You stood in front of him shock still, hands wrung solid beneath your belly. Satoru merely shook his head, brushing back his gelled hair with a dry laugh. “No, what are you even thinking? You’re not resigning.”

You pursed your lips. “I wasn’t really asking for permission, Sir.”

Truth be told, you expected this sort of reaction from him. It may be true that you and Satoru never got along in personal levels since he was too crass and you much stiff, but it couldn’t be denied you worked well together. You balanced each other’s flaws and brought out the best in one another. If someone had asked you years ago prior to you being employed by the heir if you could even tame the renowned free spirited man, you would’ve said probably not, but after sharing struggles and quite literally forcing one another to do better, you both reached highs neither expected to achieve.

It was an experience and a whole lot lessons learned working with him.

Unfortunately, all things must come to an end, and you had to leave even if Satoru negated to it.

“We’ve been working together for years. Do you know how many people I fired and have resigned all because they’re not equipped for the job?” he plopped down atop his desk, loosening his tie out of frustration. The simple gesture made you swallow and look away – it felt impossible to look at him any other way than a boss now that you had his baby inside you. Thankfully, Satoru was mouthy as usual that he pulled you back from your train of thoughts as he gestured between the both of you. “You and I are perfectly compatible – I can’t let you go like that. I’m sorry, but I need you. There’s no one else I can work with this functionally. No one else is as willing to tolerate my bullshit except you and...I need you to stay.”

You clenched your teeth at the desperation in his voice.

Satoru admitting he needed people was one thing. But him asking others to stay? It may have just been for your value as the only person who had put up with him in both his best and worst times that made him feel that way, but you had to keep your foot down on the ground.

You wouldn’t let him sway you like this.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and willed all your energy to spring forth. “Sir...I’m more than thankful for all the opportunities, it truly was a pleasure working with you but—”

“Is this because we slept together?” he cut you off, your shoulders tensing. Upon your silence, Satoru heaved himself away from the desk and took cautious step towards you, stopping a foot away when you stepped back defensively.

You almost wished you didn’t know him so well. His eyes shone with a flicker of hurt before he masked it just as quick as it had came – for Gojo Satoru was a master of many things, and a great actor was one of them. Cautious, you had to be cautious, and you clenched your fists behind your pencil skirt as you tore your gaze away from his pleading ones. “It is, isn’t it?” he affirmed with a clear of his throat, looking just as lost as you did. Satoru stuttered for a minute before he eventually composed himself, but even then, he didn’t sound half as sure as he wanted to be.

“Listen, whatever happened that night, we can forget about it if you want. We’re both adults and professionals – we can put this aside us and just go back to normal. You don’t have feelings for me, right? So then it shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“Satoru...it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it?” he demanded, aggravated. Satoru began to round his desk and pulling out little white envelopes, stacking them before you in a haste. “Do you want a pay raise? A new car so you could get to work easily? O-or perhaps a bigger house where you can work more comfortably, somewhere nearer to the office? All you have to do is tell me and I’ll give you what you want. There’s no need for you to resign, this company has given you everything and we’ve got so much offer just as you could still be great—”

“I’m pregnant.”

Satoru’s slender fingers halted around the pen hovering over a cheque slip. “What?”

“I said I’m pregnant,” you exhaled, biting down on your bottom lip to prevent yourself from quivering. A quick sweep from your face to gather sincerity trailed down to your belly, staring at you hard enough as if he had the ability to look through your soul. “And you’re the father.”

“Is that true? Is...is it really mine?”

“Yes sir,” you nodded, “I’m not telling you this because I expect that you’ll be responsible for it. No offense, sir, but I’d really rather raise the baby alone. Plus, I understand that you’ll never settle down or suddenly abandon your old ways just to—”

“Stop right there,” he raised a palm, “You mean to tell me you’re resigning because you thought I wouldn’t take responsibility for it? For you?”

The hurt in his voice and expressions were evident, lip curled in disgust; not for you, but rather of himself. Satoru was the type of man that couldn’t be withered down even with the harshest of rumours; you’d never seen him be affected before by tabloids and nasty ex-girlfriends who only slept with him for money or fame, only to talk smack about him afterwards. But now, he was crumbling before you, and you didn’t know quite what to say or feel over the vulnerability present in his cerulean eyes. It almost pained you know that you caused this – for the comforting, blue sky to be tainted with a thunderstorm that hinted of anger, of disappointment, of betrayal.

But could he blame you for not thinking the best of him?

“I’ve worked with you for years, sir, I know you.”

“Clearly not well enough,” he chuckled sarcastically, “Admittedly, I’m surprised, but not upset. The only thing that I’m upset about is that you actually believed it would be better to raise the baby – our baby – alone like I don’t even have a right to be in their life. Sure, it was an accident, but we made that. That’s our child and I’m going to take care of you and be a great father, even if you don’t think I’m capable of it.”

“Sir, I didn’t mean—”

“That’s the first time you said something stupid. That’s our baby. We’re a family now,” Satoru’s hesitance had vanished into thin air as he was on you the next instant, hands shaky before they landed on your shoulders. It was meant to be a comforting gesture; a reassuring one, yet you couldn’t help but flinch and falter under his gaze. As if getting the message, he quickly retracted his hands and shoved them deep inside his pockets with a sigh. “You don’t need to resign or worry about anything else. I promise I’ll give you both the life you deserve, just...just please don’t go. Now that I know we have a baby, there’s just no way I can let go of this and pretend I never heard of this at all.”

You swallowed, rubbing your sweaty palms on your skirt.

Out of all the different scenarios you stayed up late at night to turning your head in one by one, none of them included this. Undeniably, he was an asshole to most, but maybe he was right.

He hadn’t done anything wrong to you and he was still the father of your baby; he deserved a chance. Satoru had the right to be the father he was willing to be. You could already tell this might completely turn into one big mess, but his eyes were so hopeful, his smile so nervous yet expectant that you couldn’t help but say –

“Okay,” you relented.

His reaction was instantaneous. Satoru beamed and lounged at you, arms wide open for an embrace before realizing at the last second you could stab him with a pen and not regret it. One warning glare sent his way and he was retracing his arm behind his head, pretending to stretch with an off-tune whistle.

The sudden switch between pained and enthusiastic gave you whiplash, but you really shouldn’t be surprised. This was Gojo Satoru in the first place – he was as unpredictable as nothing was permanent and lasting to him.

It could be both a blessing and a curse.

For the sake of your baby, you genuinely hoped it was the former.

Not wanting him to get too ahead of himself since you still didn’t trust him enough, you raised a finger to poke him in the chest. Right now, you were no longer his secretary that openly despised him but added six sugar cubes in his coffee just as he liked anyway, but rather a woman who shared this mess with him, and as the mother of his child. You had to be strong. Being with Satoru felt like playing with fire, and you had far too much at stake – both of you did – but you weren’t privileged and fortunate like Satoru. One bad thing thrown his way could be brushed off, but for you? Everything you worked hard for could disappear just like that.

If you really chose now to play with fire, you had to be careful not to be the gasoline that ignited things to burn down into ashes.

“Satoru,” you stressed with your lips pressed into a thin line, “The only thing I expect from you is to be is a good father to our child. I know that it would be difficult for you to be a new person in a day and that your old habits won’t die right away, so please do what you can to be a good parent, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. I promise you don’t have to worry about me getting in the way of your life as well.”

His smile slowly vanished.

“Is that how low you really think of me?” he echoed rather sadly, “That I would still sleep around knowing I’ve got a family now?”

“We’re not a family, Sir. I have no intentions of marrying you nor would I ever want it. I’m just staying for the baby.”

“Fine. For the baby, let’s both do our best,” he crossed his arms on his chest, pumping out the hard muscles from how tight his shirt was. You were stuck between wanting to slap him or be closer to him; the hormones too much of a mess that you had to grip your thigh for restraint. “But tomorrow, you’re moving in with me. I’m going to take care of you from now on – I’ll get you whatever you need so whatever it is, just tell me. My credit card is yours to use as well.”

Move in with him? You wanted to laugh. That was the last thing you would want to happen.

“Sir, it’s fine, I’m capable of taking care of myself.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t, but I want to take care of you both,” he reiterated, growing slightly annoyed from your rigidness. You professed that you were being difficult right now, but it was much better than being easy around someone like him.

“We don’t have to be friends or lovers, alright? I know you don’t see me that way and I’m probably repulsive in your eyes – which is understandable since you always clean my mess up for me – but as a father, at least, let me do my job. There doesn’t have to be anything between us other than a mutual want to be good parents. Is that alright with you?”

You mulled the thought over in your head. So he was capable of being sensible sometimes, and after a few moments of silence, you narrowed your eyes at him.

Still suspicious and your guard was most definitely still up, but he was right. You both had a mutual want to be good parents and that was the most important thing right now. Everything else that complicated matters would be handled afterwards.

“I’m okay with that, but I would have to set down lots of boundaries if I’m living with you.”

“So you’ll really stay with me then?” You regretted nodding in response because Satoru was now fishing his phone out, a goofy smile on his face.

He took the news...surprisingly well, and you didn’t know what to make of it.

“Perfect! I’ll have your room prepared!” You tried to grab his arm to stop him from going overboard; knowing full well Satoru always had rushes in which he impulsively overdoes things. He might turn your room into some sort of grand suite that you wouldn’t really like, but he was far too excited and lost in his own thoughts that your words went from one ear and out the other. “Fuck,” he laughed to himself, “I’m going to be a dad.”

Whether it was relief or anxiety that bubbled through you, you had no idea.

It was definitely anxiety.

Satoru felt like a hyper child to be around, and as much as you were grateful that he was happy about this, you also wished he would calm down. You didn’t even have enough chance to settle in before he’s shoving you inside room by room, announcing that what was his was also yours and he would have a baby room set up next week.

You followed him around like a puppy as he marched into the kitchen, mumbling incoherently to himself about baby proofing furniture.

“Sir,” you called out, “Sir, listen to me. We need to talk about boundaries.”

Satoru blinked owlishly at your tired eyes, sheepishly smiling at you. It must’ve dawned on him that his speed tour of his penthouse felt a lot more overwhelming than welcoming, and he sat you down on the island stools before drumming his fingers impatiently on the cool marble. “Sorry, you were saying? I kind of got carried away.”

Carried away was far an understatement.

“I said, we need to talk about boundaries.”

“Oh, yeah, right,” he paused with a furrow in his brow. “Also can you just call me Satoru? We’re going to be parents anyway and it’s awkward if you keep uh, calling me Sir.”

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes, not really in the mood to argue with him right now. You had to keep intact with him while you still had his full attention. Taking out a little notepad you prepared the night before, you slid it over Satoru who tilted his head to the side rather cutely to read it. “So here are my boundaries. One, I don’t want this pregnancy to be announced in the media unless I’m ready. I understand that we can’t keep this a secret forever but I need time to process this. Two, just because we’re living in the same roof together doesn’t mean that I get to go anywhere and everywhere with you. I’m going to work by myself—”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“I said no,” he repeated more firmly this time. “You’re pregnant and I want to make sure you’re safe at all times. I’m driving you to work.”

“Didn’t you just hear what I said? I don’t want to be seen with you.”

“You’re my secretary. People see us together all the time.”

“But you never drove me to work! I live far from the office and I most definitely don’t drive an Audi.”

“Things change, that’s your life now,” Satoru shrugged nonchalantly, stealing the pen you twirled in your hands. The sudden contact sent jolts of electricity from your knuckles, one that had you recanting your hands back to yourself. Satoru didn’t seem to notice as he crosses out the second rule, “Sorry not sorry but I don’t want to let you go places like that. Fine by me if you don’t want me to drive you, but at least have one of the chauffeurs take you somewhere if you really don’t wanna be seen with me.”

“Fine,” you gritted your teeth. Compromise, compromise, meet in the middle – you repeated to yourself to keep your sanity. “Rule number three: I don’t want you changing your attitude around me. We may have a baby on the way, but you’re still my boss and I want to keep our relationship professional.”

“You’re saying I’m not allowed to fall in love with you?”

You flicked his forehead, effectively erasing the teasing grin he wore. “That’s not going to happen,” you interjected irritably, although your heart skip a beat. That was a massive red flag already; you could never be too comfortable with him. For Satoru, his little comments here and there may come naturally and probably meant nothing to him, but there was a chance you could receive it with different interpretations. Shaking your head at him, you ignored his grumblings on how ‘mean’ you were. “We’re never going to be a couple. We’re just raising a child together. I don’t want you acting weird or too comfortable with me.”

Satoru scratched the side of his head as he mulled about it, “Are we allowed to be friends, at least? I understand the professional part, but I can’t imagine the both of us getting along for nine months and more when we act like boss and employee even alone at home,” before you could say anything, Satoru raised his hands in surrender. “I promise I won’t do anything weird to you. No offense, but you’re not really my type, so same as you, I view you platonically.”

Right. The heart surely was stupid and confusing.

You didn’t want him getting any ideas that this could lead to something more, but at the same time, it hurt a little to know you weren’t his type.

Hiding that pang of hurt behind a tight lipped smile, you forced yourself to agree with him. “I view you professionally, Sir.”

“Satoru.”

“Whatever,” you grumbled. “Rule number four: don’t bring home any of your fuck buddies or flavour of the night. I really don’t care if you sleep around, but respect my privacy and my standing as the mother of your childIf you’re really desperate to get your dick wet, go fuck them somewhere else.”

“You’ve never been this vulgar with me.”

He wasn’t wrong about that. Despite countless of times that he tried being friendly with you to ease your stiffness in the office, you always shot him down.

You came to the city to work and provide for your family, not to be friends with your annoyingly hot boss who enjoyed his life way too much. Unlike him, you were more work than play, and eventually Satoru respected the fact you would never speak or treat him casually.

Until now.

“Try being in my shoes and see if you’d still have the patience of a saint,” you mumbled under your breath, sighing when Satoru’s smile got more awkward. “Listen, Satoru, I don’t mean to be difficult, okay? It’s just...this is a lot. This isn’t just us about anymore – we’re going to be parents and that’s a huge responsibility. It’s not only our lives changing here, a child will be relying on us in the future and I simply want to be a good mother, but I also don’t trust you very well to be comfortable enough to act like we’re suddenly friends.”

“I understand that.”

“Good.”

“Do you have rule number five?”

“No, not really, but I can add more as we go.”

“I have a rule number five,” he piped in, flipping the notepad his way as he scribbled something down. “And it’s that if you need help – and I mean with anything – you would let me help you. I’ve worked with you for a long time and I’m not dumb enough to not notice you like to do things by yourself. Like you said, things are different now, and especially with this pregnancy, you’re not alone in this. You need to let me take over the wheel sometimes. I can’t be just a passenger in the car – you and I are both in this together.”

“Just keep your hands to yourself.”

“That’s easy,” he chirped, and there was that uncomfortable knot in your chest again. However, it didn’t sink in too deep because Satoru was blatantly staring at your belly, a small smile tugging at his lips. “So do we have a name for them already?”

“Satoru, I’ve only been a few weeks pregnant, I don’t—”

Conflicting his previous statement that he’d keep his hands to himself, Satoru suddenly dropped to his knees. You watched with wide eyes, too flabbergasted to move as he places his ear on your belly.

“Hi there, little one,” he spoke in a soft tone, large hands caressing the tiny bump beginning to form. You couldn’t move; hell, you could barely breathe from how comforting his touch seemed in contrast to your mind ringing warning bells above. His voice quickly pulled you back to reality as he flattened his palm, white lashes fluttering against the cotton of your shirt. “I’m your daddy; I can’t wait to meet you. Daddy promises to take good care of you and make you the happiest kid ever, alright? You don’t have to worry about anything as long as I’m here.”

“D-don’t spoil them too much, Satoru.”

“I’ll try not to,” he chuckled. Satisfied with that small moment he had, he straightened up and trudged over the dining table that was far too big for a man who lived alone. In that moment, an image flashed in your mind – that someday that table would no longer look empty as you and your child shared meals with him. You could already imagine how heavenly the sun would shine on the glass windows behind it, the flowers gathered in the middle of the table blooming to life.

Out of nowhere, it struck you.

Could it be that this was why he loved this baby so much after only knowing about it for a few days? Could it be that Satoru really was alone?

“Okay, we should probably have a welcoming dinner! The chefs left me something tonight. I forgot what it’s called but I think you’ll like it. Grab some wine on the cellar for me?”

“Satoru, I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, right! My bad,” he clapped his hands together before pulling out ceramics and a cold pitcher, “Just water for mommy then,” Satoru said absentmindedly, completely oblivious to how your mind short-circuited a few feet away from him. He went about his way ignorant to it all and gently tugged you to sit with him, eagerly digging into the heated meals as you realized both of you hadn’t eaten.

For a guy who talked a lot, dinner with him was surprisingly quiet. Other than the occasional clinking of utensils against the plate, you enjoyed the silence with him.

You wouldn’t have believed it to be possible since Satoru made it his daily business to always fill in the gaps. Peace and comfort stretched before you the whole time, however, that for a moment, just a short moment, you found yourself letting your guard down. Even when you both caught each other’s in the middle of a bite, you found no tension or awkwardness in it. Perhaps it was the familiarity of being beside each other for years now that this should feel natural, or maybe it was because you both mutually agreed on wanting the best for your baby. Whatever it was, you didn’t want to overcomplicate it right now.

“You know, I’m really excited about this. I can’t believe I’m actually going to be a father,” he mused through a bite, swirling his red wine through his glass. Satoru gazed at his reflection almost dreamily, seemingly too deep in thought that he felt far from reach.

Or maybe you were the one who was detached, the one who kept pushing him away, because you could offer him nothing but a lame nod. “I’m glad to hear that...”

“What about you? You don’t look too happy.”

Your eyes widened at his worry. “No, I-I’m happy, of course. It’s just...it’s unplanned, and I’ve had my whole life planned out that I’m not really sure how this will all fall into place together.”

“Hey,” he laced his fingers with yours, squeezing warmth back into your skin that you hadn’t noticed turned cold from the nerves. Unlike his usual self with eyes brimming with glee, you could only see tenderness in him now, some sort of silent vow through a private smile shared only between the two of you in that moment in the solace of his home. Your home. “I promise I’ll be there for you and the baby every step of the way. I know that I haven’t had the best reputation and I have zero idea on parenting, but you’re not alone in this. You can trust me on this one, just like how we always trusted each other during work. Being a parent and running a business are both responsibilities right?”

“Yeah...”

“Well then you already know we work well together. We’re great partners!” he cheered, patting your shoulder way too bro-like. You resisted the urge to cringe. “We’ll be great parents, Y/N. I’m sure of that.”

Unsure of what else to do, you squeezed his hand back. He was right, you would be great parents as long as both of you never gave up. The thought of eating meals with him again with another addition to the table made you smile, and you hadn’t noticed you were spacing out, thumb running over his knuckles that were smooth for a man who never knew a day of hard labour. It wasn’t until you felt something prodding at you metaphorically, and you chuckled nervously as you saw Satoru smiling mysteriously at you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing,” he grinned, “I’ve just never seen you this close before; not so much that I paid attention anyway. But this is nice – having you here, I mean. It gets lonely here sometimes.”

“Don’t you bring your girlfriends around?”

“I never make them stay,” was all he said, and just like that, whatever thread that was beginning to form snapped. Satoru released his hold on you and gestured to your plate, carrying the dishes in his hand before leaving you alone on the table. Like always – a whiplash. “I’ll clean up, you can rest in your room now. I’ll take care of the dishes.”

“Do you even know how to do them?”

“Yeah, my mother forced me to wash dishes because she didn’t want me to rely on the house help too much,” he informed, the new information shocking you right to the core as he put on dishwashing gloves and started scrubbing. From this angle, he sure looked damn nice and domestic in just a white shirt, hair ruffled down to bangs.  “I’ll be right there with you,” Satoru announces casually, spinning on his heel with red cheeks once he realized what he said. “For just a goodnight, I mean! We’re not sharing rooms!”

“Yeah, no,” you coughed out, “We’re definitely not.”

It felt…surreal, to wake up in a room much grandiose than yours yet felt like home even for the first night. Satoru handled your moving in rather happily; you found him singing to himself this morning as he brewed his own coffee before realizing you were right behind him, sleepy as you lazily made waffles for the both of you. Everything flowed nicely and normally, like this had always been a normal thing that for a moment, you questioned once more what would happen next.

You were now getting ready for work, hands tugging at his tie because he was such a man-child who couldn’t even properly knot his own tie. His suit was custom tailored and he looked effortlessly gorgeous – beauty ripped straight from magazines he was constantly a front page of, but his tie was skewered and loose that it irritated you.

“You’re such a mess without me.”

Satoru bent down to wiggle his brows at you, thought you didn’t notice because he wouldn’t stay still for you to fix his tie fast enough. “Isn’t this sweet; you fixing my tie for me as we both get ready for work?” he teased, “We’re like a married couple already.”

“If you don’t shut up, I’m kicking you in the nuts.”

“Then how can I give you more babies?” picking up the newspaper on the coffee table beside you, you rolled it and started whacking him, a string of profanities colorfully painting his otherwise monochrome and sleek walls. Satoru’s laughter boomed all over the room even as he wiggled away from you, clutching his bicep that had been the victim of your abuse. “Ow, ow, I was joking! Jeez, woman, you are strong. Fight men a lot like this?”

“I work with you. My fighting instincts are always activated.”

His laugh really was annoying. But it did help ease your nerves – though you’d never tell him that – as you sat beside him in his car, the expensive leather seats no longer strange to you. It would’ve felt like any other day where you accompanied him somewhere, except the reason was different now, and it came crashing down on you of your current situation that things were undeniably different from now on.

You immediately stepped away from him the moment you got out of the car, clutching your clipboard to your tummy when Satoru bumped his shoulder with yours. “Come closer, it’s fine. No one will suspect a thing,” he points to the crowded building with people bumping and walking past each other, everyone too occupied in their own heads to even notice you.

It wasn’t much, but hearing his voice and reassurances relaxed you, even for just a little bit. Maybe your first day at work after the baby news wouldn’t be so bad, after all, but it seemed you had spoken too early.

Satoru heavily insisted that you worked inside his office from now on.

Your desk was located right outside his office, the phone line always within reach in case you needed to pass calls to him or if he needed you to come. Satoru preferred the privacy of his own space – or so he said; he actually just didn’t want you to witness him slacking around and experience your wrath – but now he was dragging you inside his office, pushing your shoulders down until you were ‘settled in.’

You didn’t even want to ask where he got a new desk from, or why it had to be right across from him. His desk remained elevated on a few levels, the welcoming lobby of the room filled with couches and stacks of coffee with a rich amount of sugar cubes.

Safe to say, most of the morning was spent (or rather, wasted) on you telling Satoru off. The man was too persistent, coming in on the office at random times of the hour with either snacks or heaps of biscuits on his arms. He always greeted you with a wide grin on his face, only to be kicked out of his own office because you had his hellish schedule and events to deal with. That was around three hours ago when you’d asked him to shut up and go bother someone else. You were halfway around finishing your workload for today when the door swung open, a tuft of white hair and mischievous eyes peeking through.

“Hey! Just checking in on mommy—”

“Satoru!”

“What? It’s just you and I,” he defended with a shrug, welcoming himself inside. Surprisingly, he was empty handed, though the pout on his lips told you it was against his will. “Seriously though, do you need anything? Do you want snacks? Tea? Do you need help going to the bathroom? You haven’t moved in your desk for an hour now.”

“Satoru, I’m pregnant, not disabled,” you ignored him for a while, resuming to working back on his schedule for the month. There were a bunch of e-mails you still had to respond to, which normally wouldn’t be such a daunting task if Satoru wasn’t shifting his weight from one foot to another, the sounds of his shoes hitting the tiles in an annoying click-clack rhythm getting to you. “Will you stop fidgeting! Your anxiety gives me anxiety, stop that!”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it, I just feel like there’s something I should be doing.”

“Shutting up and letting me work in peace would be great, thank you.”

“You really don’t need anything?” Sending him a warning glare, Satoru sucked in his cheeks and ran back to his desk where he hid behind the safety of his large monitor. “Nope, yeah, I got the message: leave you alone. Good luck with that then, I’ll need those archives to pull up for our meeting with the directors later at five.”

Muttering a sarcastic finally under your breath, you resumed working.

The routine was per usual – answer the calls professionally with a welcoming and sweet voice, a pen always in one hand to jot down notes in reminders, adjust his schedules, work out his plans, go to him whenever he needed to sign something before responding back to e-mails. You were focused as you always were, but someone wasn’t, and it was getting harder and harder to keep being placated.

It didn’t help that he made no effort to hide the fact he was slacking off, the tip-taps of him randomly pressing keys on the keyboard similar to a fork dragging down a plate.

“I can feel you burning holes at the back of my head,” you twittered, “What do you need?”

“Nothing at all. I’m just realizing how beautiful you are right now.”

You paused. Unable to deny your curiosity over how serious he sounded, you spun around in your swivel chair. Satoru had his chin on his hands as he stared right back at you, his face devoid of expression that you couldn’t pick up on a single clue. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

You rolled your eyes at him. Of course the bastard would be teasing you, his loud chuckles a painful reminder of that. It was best to ignore him, so you went back to reading e-mails and forced yourself to focus on the task at hand. “We’re at work. Please stop distracting me; I can’t focus when you’re staring at me like a creep.”

“Sorry, babe, I’ll try to be less distracting next time, though I can’t control my charisma, you know!”

You jotted your thumb to your desk outside, “I can walk back to my desk where you can’t see me. That’d be a great for both of us.”

“Stay right there, I was joking!”

“Do you promise to be quiet and actually do your job if I stay?”

“With you disciplining and ordering me around like that, why not?” Mouth open for another heated retort, Satoru stopped you before you could say anything, his aura more serious this time. He was always like this; fooling around and maturing the next second, only for the cycle to repeat and test your patience. “I’m just teasing you, Y/N, I’ll shut up now. You’re free to end work as soon as you’re tired though; the driver is waiting in the parking lot whenever you want to go home.”

“I’ll go home with you.” Home. It felt weird to say that, but also…natural.

“You’ll stay with me at work today?” He sounded genuinely surprised, and you responded with a one-shoulder shrug. That seemed to be enough for him, however, and it wasn’t long before Satoru found the oh so rare and fleeting motivation to work hard.

Once he was settled, sleeves rolled up to expose his veiny forearms and brows furrowed as he centered all his attention on the pile of paperwork before him, there was no stopping him.

Roles reversed and positions switched, you were now the one unable to take your eyes off him.

In this light, in this moment, Gojo Satoru had never looked more beautiful. He was much the same as you in the manner you never really noticed each other this way before; not romantically, but even just person to person. In your eyes, he was nothing but your irritating boss whose boisterous self always crowded over your peace, and in his eyes, you were nothing but his secretary who he knew always silently hoped would leave you alone.

But things were different now. You were different now.

Boundaries there may be, you couldn’t help that fluttering forming in your stomach. Contentment, happiness, relief, nervousness – all of them jumbled into one big mess. Out of them all, however, there was most definitely adoration, either out of respect for his unexpected kindness, or simply because it felt nice to feel for once.

Turning away from him until your back was the only thing he could see, you hid your smile as you secretly held your belly.

You’d never been reckless before, but what was to be a good story when there wasn’t a mistake or two made?

[deceitfuldevil]

Dreams

Matt Murdock X Reader

Summary: When you’re plagued with dreams of an unknown man, you can’t help but wonder if he’s more than just a figment of your imagination. You wondered if this man was having these dreams too, and you were curious if he too felt the pull deep inside like you were meant to be together. As it would turn out, you were meant to find each other.

Warnings: lots of dialogue, brief swearing, somewhat of a soulmate AU, and mentions of god.

Word Count: 1.9K

Matt Murdock occasionally tried to remind himself to be grateful for the few years of sight he got before his accident, and because of those nine years that he still had dreams from time to time. Truthfully it was rare, with his vigilante life most of his dreams became nightmares as he feared not being able to do enough for his city. So when he had a dream that wasn’t heartbreaking, it was hard to forget.

Pastel colors glowed and meshed together like a beautiful mix of the universe, it was calming to watch. Then you appeared, looking angelic in contrast to the soft colorful background. He had seen you in more detail than he’d seen anyone in decades. It was more vivid than any dream he’d ever had, you were so real Matt felt he could reach out and touch you.

“All this for me, Matt?” You asked, your voice clear as day as you smiled at the man who was dreaming about you. Your lips curled upwards and he swore he could nearly hear your heartbeat as well. This was all so much, he convinced himself it had to be real and unintentionally woke himself up in the middle of his dream.

Matt woke up heaving, at first trying to look around until everything was merely dark flames again at best.

“I can’t see.” He said solemnly “I still can’t see.” He repeated, flopping backwards back into his bed. But he didn’t catch up on much sleep after that dream, it was all too real for him.

Even when he did have peaceful dreams where he could see again they usually faded from his memory within the first few hours of him waking up. But it’s now been three days since he saw you in his dream and he still hasn’t been able to shake you from his mind.

“Foggy, do we know any forensic artists?” Matt asked, pretending to flip through a case file so Foggy would presume that’s why he was asking.

“Not that I can think of, but I’ll ask Brett.” Foggy said, not really questioning Matt’s curiosity. Until he became persistent, that is. Matt asked every day until Foggy gave him the number of one Casey Kingsman.

“Why are you so desperate for a forensic artist anyways?” Foggy asked, as Matt put on his jacket and got ready to leave.

“It’s for a case.” Matt said, grabbing his cane.

“We just made a deal with our only case a few days ago.” He pointed out

“A personal case.” Matt said, leaving their office without another word. He then went straight down to the police precinct calling Casey and making sure he was free beforehand. Once sitting in a room with him, Mr. Kingsman had a few questions for Matt.

“And what exactly did you call me for?” Casey asked.

“I need a sketch of someone.” Matt explained.

“A suspect?” he presumed.

“Yes, sure.” Matt went along with his presumptions.

“And this is for…?” Casey continued on.

“A case my firm is working on” Matt lied naturally.

“Okay, and who’s coming in to provide the description of the suspect?” He asked

“I’m providing the description.” Mat stately simply, like it was obvious.

“With all due respect Mr…” Casey trailed off.

“Murdock, Matt Murdock.” Matt finished for him.

“Mr. Murdock, how can a blind man provide me with a visual description of a suspect?” Casey asked honesty, maybe a bit brutal even.

Matt was silent for a minute.

“My client has provided me with all the details needed, I am just relaying the message.” He lied again with ease.

“I see… let’s get started then.” Casey said, pulling out his pen and notebook.

As unethical as it might’ve been Matt described you with immense detail to the forensic artist, to the point that made Casey somewhat suspicious because he didn’t think Matt had such a good memory to relay all of these details but he digressed.

“Okay and. . . here you go.” Casey said, ripping the paper from his notebook and handing it to Matt. “You can give this to your client or perhaps a seeing member of your staff to help you identify this suspect.”

“Thank you very much Mr. Kingsman” Matt said, taking the piece of paper and heading home. Even if he couldn’t see the picture he kept the piece of paper in his hands or near his person at all times until the next day when he brought it into the office.

“So how’s that ‘personal case’ going Mr. Murdock?” Foggy joked, noticing Matt had just walked in. But Matt wasted no time and stepped into Foggy’s office and handed him the sketch he had made yesterday. “Have you ever seen this woman?” Matt asked, not bothering with a hello.

“No but I sure as hell would like to meet her, she’s gorgeous! You said this woman is a suspect for a personal case of yours?” Foggy pressed, taking the paper completely from Matt’s grasp.

“She’s gorgeous? Really?” Matt said, heart full with hope.

“Yeah, the only thing I can think she’d be guilty of is stopping a guy's heart.” Foggy pressed on. “What’d she do if we’re on the lookout for her?” He asked again, rephrasing his earlier question.

“Nothing of your concern, can you tell me more details about her?” Matt asked, and Foggy complied telling him every detail he could tell from the drawing. Confirming Matt’s realization that this was the woman from his dreams. You were the woman of his dreams. Now he just had to find you.

Matt spent less nights out being a vigilante and more out with Karen and Foggy, visiting bars and clubs and all around just trying to get out in an effort to find you. He would always ask Foggy if he saw you around, and the answer was always the same.

After about a month or so Matt started to lose hope that you were even real, maybe you were just a figment of his imagination after all. But then you came back to his dreams once more, even more vivid and real than last time.

The last time he saw you in a dream he could make out tiny details of your face and look, but this time he could also distinctly hear your heartbeat and smell your shampoo. You smelled like honey and roses, and looked so stunning he had to focus on not waking up again.

“I’m waiting for you, Matty.” You said, your voice soft and sweet like watermelon on a summer's day. “Come and find me.” You encouraged with a heartwarming smile. Your voice was so unique, just like last time he woke up again and your message was on repeat in his mind. “Come and find me.”

Matt wanted to tell Foggy but he feared him thinking that he’d absolutely lost it, so he kept this whole thing under wraps as he continued to go out in the evenings with his friends in search of you. He started to think it was hopeless since he couldn’t see but he forgot that he remembered other things about you. Like your voice, so unique and sweet it was something he couldn’t ever—

“Oh my god Leila stop it!” You said with a laugh, nudging your friend who had just shot a straw wrapper your way. Matt zeroed in on your voice, he couldn’t believe that it was you. There was no way.

“It’s a gift!” Your friend insisted.

“Yeah that and the other 4 you’ve blown at me.” You said with an eye roll.

“So what do you have to say to me? A thank you might be in order for all I’ve given you.” Leila joked on, pushing the pile of straw wrappers your way.

“All this for me? You shouldn’t have.” You said “no, really, you shouldn’t have.” Making Matt freeze up in his place, he reached out for Foggy who was nursing a beer next to him.

“Is that her?” He asked out of context.

“What?” Foggy asked, setting his drink down.

“The woman from the sketch, over there at the bar laughing with her friend. Is that her?” Foggy was able to provide the last bit of confirmation Matt needed to know it was you, he could already hear your steady heartbeat and smell your rose and vanilla shampoo.

“Holy shit, it is! Should we call someone? What did she, hey what are you doing?!” Foggy said, but Matt was already making his way over to you.

But once he got over there, he didn’t know what to say.

“Uh, hi? Can we help you?” Your friend asked, prompting you to turn around to see the man behind you. You were now the one to freeze up.

“Hi uh my name is…”

“Matt.” You finished, feeling your heart doing somersaults in your chest.

“Uh yeah, hi. What?” Your friend pressed on, tapping your shoulder encouraging you to look back at her.

“This is him, the man I’ve been dreaming about Leila.” You said, giving her a look that asked her kindly to leave you two alone. She took the hint and left, not before giving you a wink though.

“How uh, how did you find me?” You asked, turning back around and taking the sight that was Matt Murdock in for yourself.

“It wasn’t easy, especially considering I can’t see you. But I uh, I had a sketch made. I could also hear your voice, I recognized it.” Matt said, setting his cane up against the bar.

“That’s funny because I kept having these dreams of this man, but I could never see him. Only hear his voice, and smell his cologne. I kept dreaming every night like I had lost my sight.” You explained, realizing his disadvantage.

“Huh, all of my dreams, the main thing that I knew about you was your good looks. You were all I’ve dreamt about for weeks.” Matt said, a soft smile on his face.

“I think this is the most clear sign the universe has ever given me.” You said with a slight chuckle. “I’m y/n.” You said, heart full from joy and admiration.

“And I think that you’re a gift from God himself. I’m Matt, but you clearly already knew that.” He said cheekily, taking your hand in his.

“Well Matt, I think we might just be made for one another.” You said, pushing aside usual boundaries and pulling Matt in for a kiss.

“That’s fine by me sweetheart.” He said right as he pressed his lips to yours. Sealing a fate the universe worked so hard for.

—

A/N

Since finishing daredevil (and losing my job, but we won’t talk about that) I’ve been pouring out Matt fics like crazy. I only finished two days ago (writing this 01/27/22) but my mind is rampant with many ideas, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. I imagine by the time I post this I will have surpassed 300 followers (currently at 293) so thank you all very much for that. Once again, thank you all for reading!

Update from 3/1/22, obviously I’m still pouring out Matt fics like mad. I’ve also surpassed 400 followers at the time of writing this, which is insane and makes me so happy. Still jobless but maybe that’s a good thing since I’ve gotten more experience in the world and been able to be more active on here.

Much Love,

—Skyler