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#'my therapist thinks i did it because i have adhd'
carrot-felisidad · 2 days
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VOTE FIRST BEFORE READING BELOW. REACH INTO YOUR HEART AND VOTE FOR WHAT YOU REALLY WANT!
Warning: I chose violence everyday and I'm your passive aggressive friend who cares for you.
I'm giving you White Head Ribbon because... My girl, my boy, my enby baby, my bothsie, treat this as a wake up call. You need restraint. You need to start creating a list of principles that you think would turn you into your dream self, and stop doing things based on short term pleasure. I know I can't stop you for most as you have ADHD and/or autism, but the more you cater to your short term whims, the more you hate yourself. You also need the silence and peace in the cloud recesses. You may not know it, but your soul has been craving for some alone time. Seclude yourself in Hanshi if you want, just let your soul rest for a while.
I'm giving you a clarity bell because... You've been empathizing with people for so long that I wish for you to get out of the muddy puddle that is other people's problem and get back to your own energy. My sad baby empath... it's okay to say no. You've been in the Empathy ritual for so long, and a lot of people have been telling you to get out of it, the friend that you have been empathizing with is long dead, just a walking corpse who only see you as a free therapist, nothing else. They don't even want to change. You need this bell, boo. Clang clang clang or whatever.
I'm giving you a Vermillion Mark because... I want you to be proud of yourself for once. Acknowledge your hard work and credentials, stop brushing them off as "only", because I need you to bag that promotion and/or RESPECT FROM EVERYBODY, as what you deserve. Oh, you think you're not actually that good? Your achievements are nothing?? Well, I want you to get over your imposter syndrome because Su She was out there creating his own sect by being a pretentious wannabe!!! He has no skills and is only a steve jobs fanatic! You?! You have real skills. Wear this vermillion mark and show them! Jin Ling was bullied all his life by mere nobodies but he knew from day one that he's the GOAT. And always remember that you have someone who will fight alongside you, who will break their legs if they hurt you.
I'm giving you a Fan with Paintings in it because... I want you to follow your dreams. You may be raised in a family or culture where you are assumed to follow a certain path. Be relentless that you are living your life. The point of life is to be enjoyed, not to be someone else's puppet, ain't no way! And don't worry about where your life will lead you. You are smart and scheming, you know your subject. You will lead a fruitful life wherever you go. Stop living your life to get someone else's validation. Actually do things that make you happy. You deserve a life worth living.
I'm giving you a Bamboo Flute because... You need to practice necromancy, lol. Use the dead for your own goals... Stop a war or plant some vegetbales... Haha i think, um, idk the agressiv spirit guide who was ghost writing through me just fled to get some pizza she ain't coming back haha. Research about shadow work (it's an actuall clinical thingy) and rise above the challenges. Come back with the coolest fashion statement. Stop being a people pleaser and start being an feared entity. OVERCOME YOUR MEASLY HUNAN CONDITIONS AND BECOME A DEMONIC CULTIVATIR! Wei Wuxian did not die and came back to life to orove nothing!
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starfieldcanvas · 3 months
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i think all the adhd people in the world should now be allowed to roast james somerton over a bonfire. first of all how dare you
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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I'm starting to feel like bpd is actually just what happens when there's an overlap between adhd, ptsd, and depression- which I think is much more common than physciatrists think
I have a lot of theories but also like I need to do way more research on this before assuming things because I know this is already a greatly stigmatized disorder and I don't want to erase anyone's experiences or make it worse.
#i have adhd ptsd and depression myself#and im not sure if physciatrists are misunderstanding (ima be honest ive lost a lot of my faith in them for stuff like this) again#or if its just a coincidental overlap in the presentation of the conditions#it would honestly make a lot of sense to me though#a lot of physciatrists and therapists agree that bpd is a trauma disorder#it almost feels like what happens if you recieve the trauma that would cause DID (i have DID as well) but#but either at an older age or without the necessary capacity for dissociation required#the reason i say adhd is because the link between adhd and depression seems heavily overlooked#not to mention the effects of adhd in adulthood#given that bpd is a trauma disorder im guessing a lot of people with the condition were neglected by their parents to some degree#not necessarily all but enough that adhd symptoms in childhood would go undiagnosed#and once youre an adult its much harder to get a diagnosis#youre more likely to be diagnosed with things like depression and bipolar disorder#because its gone on so long that its sort of metastasized into more har.#*more harmful conditions#i could be totally wrong about the adhd thing#i just think that its unacceptable how ineffective the treatments are for it#feel free to tell me about your experiences with the condition if you have bpd#that includes self diagnosed people too btw. anyone with bpd#i know a lot of people who suffer needlessly because doctors are incompetent so im just really passionate about this
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i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3
#seriously a blessing in my burnout recovery#i think i had 2 burnouts really#1st when i was 12 i burnt out academically#and fell into other hyperfixations like homestuck and anime#n cartoons also socially burnt after my friends got annoyed w myhyperfixes but got close w my husband which helped/distracted from burnout#then i did again injjjjunior year i would say#i was burnt out creatively and socially and i hated band for the first time and i met my first AP class that i couldnt just coast through#because we had to do checked notes and DAMN im grateful for that teacher!!!!!!!!!!!#genuinely led to me learning how to take notes on text when i never had to before#but i literally cried. because spent HOURSSS the first few times trying to do my notes before a classmate told me theres a website that#summarized the book#which helped a lot#but it was the first time since suspecting i have Something other than depression/anxiety that i was SURE i had adhd#it kinda just clicked so i got on a nonstimulant that helped a bit but had shitty physical symptoms that got worse as i got older#i was on it forrrr like 2 or 3 years before i stopped taking it#but i also got on a 504 which gave me deadline flexibility which like#great yknow finishing out junior and senior year medicated woo#but senior year last semester i had terrible senioritis lol#which i now realize was that 2nd burnout#and literally from march 2020 to the end 2022 i barely talked to anyone or engaged on any level with most people other than smoking weed#and being a therapist#and my beautiful wonderful husband ofc but we kinda enabled each other lmao#but yknow that gap of time when my locale cared about covid and stuff was just not going on i really recovered#i didnt draw much or do much hobbywise#i did probably too much weed and not too much but Quite a Damn Lot of acid#(which.. idk who follows me now... but acid isnt a evil scary drug it is not physically harmful and wholly dependent on mindset)#and i worked a lot#but... i quit my job at the end of 2022. which kinda directly correlates with me reconnecting with my friend group#and reconnecting with them... i decided to go back to college#re realized the path for my passion for psychology lies in academia and i LIKE that
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it has been a day
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rigaudon · 1 year
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I am holding myself together by a fucking thread and I just want it to break so i can get a break.
#i want to not be the fall guy for literally everything. i want some fucking nuance and to not be blamed for other people's actions#as well as my own. it's fucked up that im being told that it's both my fault for how i treated other people (valid and true)#and also being told that it's my fault for letting other people treat me the way they did and that i'm responsible for their actions too#just. so. tired.#just so tired. so. so. tired.#and people will see this and get mad at me and then that's my responsibility too#i want my animals to be okay#i want to be able to make rent and not owe my friends and family money#i dont know where im going to live in two months#i just want someone to care about me for me and not for what they think i should be#as if i am wrong or broken the way i am#why is forgiveness and understanding afforded to other people#while all i get is blame. always blame. it's my fault. i should have known better. the way i think or feel is narcissistic and fucked up.#over and over and over.#i dont want to leave my bunnies#my therapist does a lot of testing for autism and suggested i get tested myself#which i balked at initially because. idk. i don't... really like putting myself in boxes#but i brought it up with her this week and she gave me a referral to some places.#i dunno. maybe i'm desperately looking for something that people will actually take seriously#rather than telling me having adhd isn't an excuse for me to not be able to converse like a normal perspn#and that i can't have accommodations because 'that's how life is and it's not fair to everyone else to make exceptions for me'#the things i do for people i care about go unnoticed or get taken for granted#and i spend my whole life living to make other people happy/comfortable and compromise myself for it#and then when i advocate for myself i am being selfish and 'not everything is about you'. and just a complete rewriting of the things i do#i'm so tired. i'm lonely. i don't feel like im allowed to try and make new friends or reconnect with old ones#i should be posting this on my sideblog#fucking overwhelmed. the world is hopeless and im just going through the motions and keeping it all in because my feelings are inconvenient
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femmeterypolka · 2 years
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i hate my trich but i cant stop i can never fucking stop
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neverendingford · 2 months
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fulokis · 11 months
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I got added to a book group and I’m not sure why, like I struggle so badly with reading it’s not funny. Maybe it’s cause I write but like even then it’s not original shit it’s just piggybacking on other stuff and I haven’t posted any of it in ages
#I’m confused#like I like feeling included and shit but like also I don’t understand what possessed them to add me#I kinda wonder if it was their our friend and we don’t want to keep secrets sorta thing#which is nice and all but like I’m totally okay with not being in it#also it’s some people I’ve never talked to so like it’s exhausting enough having met a new online friend this week much less three#idk i might lurk but I honestly am confused by the social interaction#also I typed she for myself and I wanted to throw my phone#it’s cause they don’t know I’m nb and I’m not sure they’d understand#also I find it so much easier to get along with guys than girls so like there’s that#and the more I think about this paired with the videos on autism I was watching today the more it seems likely#I just still hesitate to self diagnose because of past experiences self diagnosing with depression and anxiety#like I was literally told if it’s not by a doctor it’s not valid by my then best friend#just for the bitch years latter to come to me and say I understand what you meant about the depression#my best friend now tho when I brought up the possibility of autism was like yeah I can see it#although her adhd ass still gets annoyed when I’m too low energy to even socialize with her#I really need to find a therapist but first a doctor because I’m about to run out of meds#like technically a psychiatrist would be able to do that too but it was originally my doctor who did so that’s going to be less painful#that is if I can figure that shit out#all I know is it won’t before my meds run out
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milo-is-rambling · 1 year
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Redyed my hair (a slightly deeper pink shade but basically the same) and now I’m laying in bed thinking about all the ways I’ve changed who I am and what I believe over the years and I don’t recognize who I was when I was young but I sympathize with them even more than I ever thought I could I just don’t think of those pictures of me as actually being me because my mind has always been this and I’m sure years from now I won’t recognize myself now because obviously my mind has always been whoever I am then
#idk something about your mind maturing when you aren’t paying attention and then suddenly you feel like you’re twelve again from some stupid#memory and you’re struggling to even remember what it felt like to be in those shoes and you don’t know how much is repressing trauma and#how much is you smoking weed constantly and how much is you being depressed and so suicidal and mentally ill in your early teens that you#didn’t even bother to attempt to make memories so now anything you do remember drags you back to the worst depression of your life and you#forgot how bad it was until someone else brings it up and suddenly you’re that kid crying and hurting yourself and begging anyone to care#and being abandoned and laughed at and you feel like it will never end and then you open you’re eyes and it hasn’t been that way in years#and you’d struggle to even believe yourself because everyone else ignores the way they treated you growing up so now yoh internalize it and#assume you’re just crazy for these memories you have cause surely your family didn’t laugh at you sobbing surely they didn’t bandage your#self harm wounds and then sit you at the table and scream at you about homework and then your mother talks about her therapist and suddenly#having someone in her life to put your adhd in perspective and she realizes that maybe there were reasons you were struggling other than#being lazy but she never apologized she still doesn’t apologize and you don’t bring it up you don’t tell her you remember but the silence#between you is deafening and you can both tell you’re forgetting something and you don’t know what the other person doesn’t know#haha yeah anyways#my mothers therapy is going good and she’s finally realizing that her kid and her husband had very similar adhd patterns that affected their#entire lives and we’re not as visible and her sons adhd patterns where he was more hyperactive#like I’m happy she’s learning to deal with all this shit but now that she’s in therapy and talking about all these things with me growing up#while somehow not at all talking about all the bad shit it makes me feel like she doesn’t even know she did anything wrong and I don’t want#her to feel worse about it rn cause there’s nothing she can do and we’ve moved past it but like I still can’t cry in front of people without#this deep pit of self hatred and thinking someone’s going to laugh at me when I show real emotions so I keep it all inside until I explode#but yeah at least she feels better about herself now#like legit I am happy for her and I don’t want to make her therapy about me but like god damn woman just admit anything you did and apologiz#so I know that you know it wasn’t the right thing to do#acknowledge that you hurt and scarred me so I won’t feel so fucking crazy all the time#I got kind of poetry ish in the middle there but I went back to being bitchy ranty soon enough so now I’m gonna go smoke real weed and try#to sleep without thinking thoughts or using my brain for anything other than bodily functions
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doberbutts · 11 months
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Anyway yes, people who can X should be accomodating to people who can't X. People who can walk should accomodate people who can't. People who can hear should accomodate people who can't. People who can see should accomodate people who can't. And on and on. When that doesn't happen, it's a problem that deserves to be talked about.
But the problem is not and has never been "physical disabilities are more important and deserve more accomodations than mental disabilities"- nor the other way around either.
People love to dunk on folks with ADD/ADHD but you know? As someone with ADD raised by diabetic parents I gotta say there's a lot of similarities here. People with ADD, myself included, often forget to eat and when they do eat they often load themselves up with carbs and sugars because those foods make their brains feel good. People with diabetes have to closely monitor their meals and often crave sugars and need a blend of sugary and protein-rich snacks on hand. This is not to say ADD and diabetes are exact one-to-one disabilities.
But having grown up watching my parents manage their diabetes, I too am very aware of meal times and blood sugar and constructing meals that will tide you over and having a blend of sugary and protein-rich snacks on hand Just In Case. I am able to manage my ADD better in this way because I have experience from watching my parents. I also need access to snacks and to be able to say to my boss "I need to go eat something real fast" without being punished.
I had a training client who was the image of "able bodied mentally ill" outside of the usual creaks and squeaks associated with age, her body worked just fine. But after a series of incidents in her youth- a car accident that left her with a serious brain injury, coming home from the hospital afterwards to immediately have her house broken into and herself raped by an intruder, and assorted medical malpractice while she was healing from both- she has a serious and extreme case of agoraphobia and spent the next 40 years completely unable to leave the house. She would hide and wail and scream when deliveries of groceries and other goods would come, because it meant a stranger (and usually a man) would be at her door. She could not go more than a couple steps outside to get her mail and especially not if other people were outside.
At some point her therapist suggested getting a pet, one that *had* to go outside, to help her. So she got a dog and contacted a trainer (me) and we got to work. And she did improve! The dog has been a huge help to managing her symptoms! But you cannot seriously expect me to have worked with this woman for years and then belittle mental illnesses as being lesser when this woman also shares the inability to even leave her house let alone go inside a grocery store. Even today there are times when she simply cannot, she cannot will her body to move out of her door and into transportation let alone into the building.
When she first started coming to me she thanked me for not belittling her or making her feel bad for classes she had to cancel because she couldn't force herself to take the first step over the threshold. That is when she told me what happened to her and that while it sounds terrible she was really happy to have found a trainer who knew something personal about trauma and brain injuries. She is also a case where I feel her ESA should be considered service dog not because of training or tasking but because her need is so high and she is just completely incapable of doing anything without the dog in her arms.
Anyway I think of her any time someone says "but you can walk through the door". There's nothing wrong with her legs so in theory sure she could. But often she *can't*, not because of anything physical, but because she is very severely mentally ill.
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Hello! I'm a 15-year-old devotee of both Lord Hermes and Lady Aphrodite who is raised in an extremely Orthodox Christian household, and I would like to share my story with you ⋆˚ʚɞ
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Hi! for safety reasons I will not use the name I usually use online for this account, but you can call me Jellyfish. I live in Eastern Europe, more exactly Romania, a country whose population is 98% devoted to Christianity at the time of speaking. My mother is a perfect example. She wholeheartedly believes in God, I grew up with pictures of him and the Holy Mary all over the walls, which I wouldn't escape even at my grandparent's houses. My house always smelled of myrrh, I would carry a picture of God everywhere I went, I would pray to him before bed, go to church on every holiday, but I never felt fulfilled or connected to him in any way. I didn't truly know what I believed in. My mother was telling me all about how should I praise God, but I don't think I ever did it because I wanted to or felt connected to what she was telling me or felt like it was the life I wanted to live. When she would fight with my father, even now, she would threaten that she would run away to a monastery and become a nun. She thinks you cannot change your religion and you can not be Christian if you were born with Christian parents and raised in that environment. I did not have faith in God because I wanted to and felt connected to his message and wanted to worship his divine being, I did it because my mother felt that way. And that destroyed me.
As I grew older, I started believing less and less in God. I was struggling with going through teenagehood, fighting my own inner battles, and dealing with friendship that slowly felt like they were taking away my lifespan, and it wasn't just that I didn't have faith in a divine being (which is completely alright. Please do not believe this monologue is Anti-Christian, I believe everyone is allowed to believe and worship the one who they feel most connected and inclined towards.) I didn't have faith in anything anymore. When my brother reached 15, he hated my parents for their beliefs. I will not get much I detail since his story is not mine to tell, but he had battled with alcohol and substance abuse. And I was his only shoulder for him and my parents to lean and cry on. My mother told me to pray for our family, she would pray to god every day, light up myrrh, take me to churches, and I would feel miserable. I felt like an imposter in that church. I truly wanted to have faith in a god, anyone, but I felt like my only choice was God since that's what my mother taught me. Both my parents trust God so I cannot be different, can I?
How foolish I was. I can only look back to my past self and wish to embrace and hold her till she cries all her sorrow out. She was so confused.
Back in 2022, I had first heard of Aphrodite. My brother was sent to a mental hospital for his substance abuse when they caught him on the verge of overdosing. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder after a suicide attempt, autism and ADHD, but my father (who already couldn't accept the fact that my brother has ADHD) fought with them saying they ,,don't know me well enough" and,,there's nothing wrong with me". And he's right, there's nothing wrong with me. Not even If I am neurodivergent. I was at my lowest, I felt disgusting, I fought with my parents and was their therapist every single day, I stopped going to school, I was a mess. But, I was heavily active on social media because I had tons of online friends. While scrolling on tiktok, I found a video of an Aphrodite devotee. My interest was piqued. I heard about Greek Mythology before but never actually researched it. I liked the video and commented, talking about how gorgeous their faith sounds, and that's when it all started. I started getting more info about Aphrodite, the swans swum by me every time I would go to the lake with my family so we could ,,get some fresh air". I started getting lots of pins on Pinterest with her. I always had a desire for water and the beach was my safe place, where I felt fulfilled and free from all I'm feeling. I had a Dove make itself a nest on a tree next to the window of my classroom which I would always sit by while having lunch (on the rare occasions I would drop by to school). I started researching more about Lady Aphrodite, loving her story, beliefs, ways of worshipping, how it felt like silence was washing over me when I would make a non-physical offering to her. Her tales. The way it felt like she was always there to give me a warm hug and squeeze me while I was crying. I also felt a boost in my confidence! I started loving my features, taking care of myself again, etc. It wasn't always just sun and rainbows, I would still have breakdowns and wish it would all just end and all that, but it was more bearable with her. She made my life more bearable. I love, worship, and adore Lady Aphrodite for that. I worshipped her till this year when I officially felt strong enough to devote myself to her.
This year, actually, I started noticing my strong connection to Hermes. I was always attracted to the kind-hearted, mischievous, kind-hearted, highly intelligent and funny thieves. I always idolized them and wished to be like them. That's how I feel about Lord Hermes. I feel like he was reaching out to me all my life. Everything he is associated with I had an inexplicable obsession with for pretty much all my life. Turtles, golden or silver, travel, learning new languages, astronomy, astrology, everything you could think of. I have been devoted to him since last month, that's when I officially started labeling myself as a Hellenic Pagan, but I am still a beginner, and I need to hide all of this from my mother since I am afraid of what she would do if she were to find out I have another belief since she reacted super badly back when I was an atheist :( I set up the first altar for Lady Aphrodite, and the second one for Lord Hermes. I always had been an artistic soul and loved making my room all pretty randomly so I told my mother this is one of those cases and she believed it. She does not know english and is not at all cultured about any beliefs besides Christians, Muslims, and Jews. They are both hidden in my closet. I feel very bad for not being able to make them a bigger and more obvious altar, I hope I'll have that chance when I move out from my parent's house..
I wanted to ask if Lord Hermes would be mad if my mom kept setting random things on his altar? she even put a picture of the Holy Mary. I moved it to the other side of the closet and made a DIY necklace for him out of orange garnet or beads to apologize to him, and he didn't seem mad, but I'm not sure...I sketched drawings of both of them and rested them on their altars. Everything you see are either offerings I heard they may like or things that reminded me of them! the little notebook on Hermes's altar is specifically made for learning new languages and thought he would enjoy it. Do you guys think any of my offerings are disrespectful? or should be removed? I'm open to any advice! Thank you for listening to my story <3
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ms-demeanor · 3 months
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Would you be willing to talk more about the teacher who wouldn’t let you take their class until you saw a therapist? Was that hyperbolic, or did this teacher actually have that kind of sway?
It was my senior year IB World History class. I was so depressed that I hadn't turned in any of the homework for the entire first semester and she made a deal with me: I could take winter break and catch up on all the homework I missed and stay in the class but I had to get therapy and she would give me a B for the semester based on my in-class essay scores, or she would give me the C- that I deserved and I would be moved to a different class because I hadn't maintained the grade required to stay in the IB class. My parents were onboard with me getting therapy because of the teacher's recommendation and because they wanted me to get that IB diploma (joke's on them, I forgot to turn in the form for my completed volunteer hours so I didn't get the shiny IB paper - ADHD wins again)
I had done mock trial with her as the adviser my freshman year and I think she noticed a really, really significant personality change as I was struggling more with stuff.
She also looked out for my little cousin, who had transferred into the district that year because her mom died over the summer; I was technically my cousin's guardian for district location reasons and there was some talk of me possibly legally adopting her when I turned eighteen and this teacher knew both that my cousin was having a fucked up time (her mom died very young and she had to move to a new district away from all her friends at 14) and that I was kind of responsible for her, so the teacher checked in with me when people were being shitty to my cousin, or when she wasn't turning in her work.
She's a really good teacher, and I'm lucky she was looking out for me.
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AITA for planning to go to a convention without my partner even though we usually go together?
My partner (21 NB) and I usually always attend different conventions around our area together. We like to dress up in costumes, get pics with celebrity guests, and go to panels and meet-ups and all the fun convention activities together. The problem is.... this past year has been really hard for them mental health wise, and it has kind of sucked the fun out of going to conventions for both of us.
They have diagnosed ADHD and anxiety/depression, as well as what we think is autism, but they are undiagnosed. If I thought they were having a good time attending conventions, I would worry less, but the crowds of people and the noise overstimulates them and they've told me that they feel unsettled with that that many strangers around. They've had a range of minor to major panic attacks at each of the conventions that we've attended for the past year or so.
I usually try to be really supportive of their mental health. They have come a long, long way from the deep depression they were in back in high school, and they have worked hard to get their ADHD recognized and properly medicated, and I'm really proud of them. I have anxiety myself, so I feel like I understand at least a little bit of what they are typically dealing with, in a small way.
However, I also absolutely adore going to conventions. I convince myself every morning to get up and go to work by telling myself that "I'm working to fund my next cosplay," or whatever. A little self-motivation, you know. Costumes and conventions are my biggest hobby. Though I attend multiple conventions, every one is different in its own way, so it feels like it only comes once a year.
And this is where I might be a bit of an AH. I know my partner can't control their mental health, but I feel like I miss out on a lot of the convention whenever they have a panic attack or get overstimulated and I have to sit with them until they feel better. And yes, I know that sounds really bad, and I should care about my partner's well-being more than seeing a panel or a celebrity guest, but conventions are my "once a year getaway" from reality and typical life and all that. I don't really take any other vacations, and I don't really get to interact with any other nerds/geeks/weebs/lovely fandom people except at conventions because my anxiety is mostly social anxiety, and talking to people is hard and social media is intimidating.
So.... I did some thinking, and there are two, maybe three conventions that I'm planning to attend this next year without my partner. I'm not planning on telling them that I'm going without them, I was just planning on not mentioning it at all. I think if I tell them outright that I'm going without them, they'll take it personally and I don't want to upset them. If they ask for a reason that we're not going, I can just say it's financial, which isn't exactly a lie, because I did take a pay cut at work not too long ago. And my partner doesn't work due to their mental health, so I always fund or costumes and tickets and hotels. But I don't want to give that reason outright either, because I don't want to lie unless I have to.
There are two or three other conventions that we go to yearly that we'll still go to together, so I feel like they'll still get to attend and we'll get to go together, but I'll also have my "alone time" at the other conventions and get to do things I don't usually get to do, like late-night events.
If it's worth anything, my therapist supports my idea, because she thinks it'll force me out of my shell a little bit, and force me to stop using my partner as a "social crutch" if I go alone, making it like exposure therapy for my social anxiety.
So tumblr... AITA for wanting to go to a couple of conventions without my partner due to their mental health and my fear of missing out?
What are these acronyms?
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tiyoin · 2 months
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I see your anxious reader and raise you this. Depressed, anxious, ADHD, mild autistic reader. :)))) my life is a living hell! :))))))))) *shakes and stemming violently*
🫵 YOU
you get it.
i don’t have autism (i think, gotta get that checked, but it’s highly suspected that i have audhd -from my lovely therapist🫶) so i don’t want to misrepresent it or offend anyone. but you’re literally the strongest soldier out there. like im struggling with just the 3 and my life is already a hellscape.
but as someone with all of the top 3 let me tell you- they were HUGE influences on how twisted anxiety reader acts.
is reader going to have a special fixation? yes! but will it be on an object… possibly no, but IT’S GONNA BE ON PEOPLE.
they’ve already considered grim a ‘safe person cat’ and subconsciously think of him as an emotional support animal (like i did with my late dog) so you can expect more of grim and reader!!
Is reader gonna self destruct as soon as they feel like experienced ‘rejection?’ ABSOLUTELY, they’ll pull away at the slightest chance their vulnerability was seen as ‘too much’ or if the person got uncomfortable
and obviously by the title reader is socially anxious. but because of recent events i’ve found a deeper level of experiences with it and reader is about to hit a new plight of events!!
but imagining reader with the 4 horsemen of the mental illness (that’s what i call them cause everytime i got diagnosed w smthn i swore i heard the trumpets of death) their life would be sooo much harder. just because there’s so many contradictions between them.
reader needs a schedule to feel organized but they can’t keep to the schedule because all their dopamine went into creating said schedule. and they’re procrastinating.
reader wants to talk to someone but they just realized eye contact is too much for them. but they were taught to look at people when talking or it’s rude so they’re just 👁️👁️ staring
reader had a surge of energy, of dopamine and they were out-going, friendly, talkative- everything was going right, but then the next day they’re hit with a huge slump. ofc reader is in despair because see they can do better, be better!
and it frustrates them to no end.
reader at the monstro cringing at the food they were given. you bet it tastes amazing! but the side dish is looking at you weird, and it’s touching the main dish… no! it’s not a problem, not at all! but… there’s an uncomfortable feeling you’re experiencing, and you do everything in your power not to be rude.
ofc reader gets embarrassed by this. they’re acting like they’re 5!! but… the food is contaminated and you can’t eat it ‘pure’ anymore. and don’t get the reader started on the texture of the veggies, it makes them shudder. like it’s good! but there’s smthn about it.
reader who notices everything but forces themselves to have tunnel vision because everything is just too much.
i’m taking this one after myself, but when reader is nervous they have a sign. ofc rook was able to decipher it in a split second, but they’ll always scratch their nose or rub their hands together like they’re plotting smthn
yeah, plotting of to escape!
reader who wants to fit in soo badly, but no matter what they do they always feel like an odd ball. but when they hang out with the odd balls they still don’t fell, quite right. reader is gonna experience a constant limbo of ‘where do i belong? why can’t i fit in anywhere?’.
HAHAHAHA READER BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER THINGS TO THE SLIGHTEST DETAIL WHEN THEY WANT TO BUT ASK THEM TO REMEMBER SMTHN IMPORTANT N THEY GO BLANK
but don’t worry anon, our lovely twisted anxiety reader is gonna go through it 🙈
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alexaloraetheris · 10 months
Text
I juat remembered the day, about two months ago, when I went to renew my perscription and ended up derailed by some kind of divine influence that really, really wanted my help. 😂
So I have an appointment at 9. First thing I do is sleep in because my alarm simply did not ring. First time that happened. I cursed out the damn phone and ordered a taxi, which I had specifically hoping to avoid because of the traffic congestion.
My driver is a woman a bit older than me, and she's in a good mood so we chat. She told me she was thinking of moving to [city on the coast] because taxi drivers are paid better there, and I tell her I have family there, we comment on what it's like to drive in a city essentially built into three hills and a cliff. She mentiones she has scoliosis, and it sometimes impacts her ability to sit in a car for long periods of time. I had scoliosis as well, but I had managed to fix it with exercises almost completely so I recommended my physical therapist, and assured her it's not too late, because some of the people in my therapy group were even older than her. When she let me off she thanked me for the help.
Feeling good that, even if I had to pay out the nose for the ride, I got there in time and even managed to do a good deed. I rush in, tell the reception guy I'm here to see my doctor and settle in to wait.
Two hours later, I see people being called in but not my name. I ask why, and doctor looks at me blankly and says I'm not in the system. I have to tell the reception I've arrived so I show up on his schedule.
I'm mentally cursing out the entire hospital, but I wasn't raised by wolves. I thank the doctor, politely tell the different receptionist that the last guy probably didn't hear me when I told him my appointment, got added in and went back to wait.
Ten minutes later, a visibly nervous girl with freshly printed papers sits in the waiting room. I'm in a bit of a mood, but I'm also a firm believer in helping if I can. I paste on a smile and ask 'First time?' and she admits she just got sent here for a potential ADHD diagnosis and she had no idea what to do. Having been there and knowing exactly how hard it was to do it on your own, I gave her the number of the psychologist who made my diagnosis, assured her that the psychiatrist she was here to see is the same one I have and that he's a good guy, explained what ADHD actually was and how the meds work. She was neraly crying with relief by the time I was done, and I promised she could send me questions if she needs to.
I finally, finally go in for my appointment in a slightly better mood, only for my psychiatrist to tell me Concerta is no longer imported, I have to go on some other meds and for that I need my family doctor to sign off on a regular perscription instead of getting an Rx perscription from him.
This is the worst case scenario, because I do NOT want my mother, who thinks ADHD was invented by quack American psychologists to sell expensive meds to parents with unruly children, to know I have ADHD. So I mentally curse out the entire healthcare system, go to the family doctor and explain the situation, that my mother absolutely CANNOT know about my diagnosis. Even though the doctor was not aware of my diagnosis so far, she listens attentively, and we make sure that my mom can't check the insurance we're both under to see what meds I'm on or that if she checks my name in the pharmacy directory she can't see me either.
I thought I handled that situation rather well but I must have looked more worried than I thought, because the doctor admitted her high-school age granddaughter had been asking questions about psychologists and antidepressants and she had so far been dismissive. But if she really needs help, she might do the same thing I did and seek help on her own, and my doctor realized she ought to either change her attitude fast or be left in the dark while her granddaughter is struggling. So I told her which psychologist I went to when I was also a depressed high schooler and how it helped and what I would have wanted my family to keep in mind. She thanks me and hands me a new perscription and sends me on my way.
So by now I am starting to notice a pattern.
Now, I'm actually an atheist, and I have 'Culturally Catholic' as a flaw and a laundry list of Stuff(TM) I have had to unlearn, but sometimes I really wonder if Someone Up There looked at me that day and thought:
"Hmm, looks like I have three problems I can solve with one well-positioned dumbass. Time to ruin her day for the good of the world!"
I mean. Happy to help but I really hope ruining my day won't be necessary next time.
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