#'oh it is so mysterious he has no kids or wife i wonder what that means?'

[ultfreakme]

You know what? Fuck it. I hope Sokka was single and had no kids because everyone talks about that like it’s some depressing, sad thing when there’s legit no canon evidence he wanted any of this(probably because he’s a teenager but whatever) or had any of this in TLOK. Sokka living large being the cool uncle, having fun. He wouldn’t have even been alone, he was in SWT as the chief with katara, his nephews and niece, and he probably trained Tonraq to be chief, he clearly was an important figure in Republic City. I bet Sokka had an amazing, fulfilling life, even if it was cut shorter than most of gaang like I wish people would not talk about Sokka not having a mentioned spouse or kids as some tragedy when neither of those things are a mandate or necessity for happiness.

[gravityfallsreaderinsert]

Mr. and Mx. Mystery

S1E1 - Tourist Trapped

MasterList

The sun was shining in the clear blue sky as a family were having a fun day outside.

‘Ah, summer break-‘ Hank was grilling burgers for his family and his two kids Shmipper and Smabble were laughing and chasing one another, while the rest of the family sat at a picnic table. "You want cheese on that, hon?" Hank asked his wife, flipping a burger. "Sure, Hank."

‘A time for leisure, recreation, and takin' 'er easy... Unless you're me.’ 

A golf cart crashes through the "Welcome to Gravity Falls" sign with Dipper and Mabel screaming as they drove thorugh the woods. The ground shakes as something large makes it way pass trees, knocking them down. Mabel looks back toward the forest, "Aaaah!!! It's getting closer!" A giant hand tries to reach for the cart but missies as the cart files off a rock and lands as the kids swerve.

‘My name is Dipper. The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror.’

 "Look out!" Mabel screamed as Dipper turns the wheel to the left hard, almost knocking the cart over, leaving both them screaming.

'Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.'

'Let's rewind. It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air.' Mabel gets their pet cat taken out of her hands while a video game console gets taken out of her brothers. In replace they were both given packed bags and sunscreen on their noses.

“They shipped us up north to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, Oregon, to stay at our great-uncle and auncle's place in the woods.”

Mabel begun to put up all kinds of boy band and cute posters on her side of the room. "This attic is amazing! Check out all my splinters!" Mabel holds out her hand which is covered in, all places that shouldn’t be, with splinters. Dipper walks backwards toward his bed as he gets a good look at the room they’ll staying in for the whole summer. As he does he gets jump scared by Gompers who's standing behind him, "Baaa!”

“And there's a goat on my bed."

Mabel walks over to them has she holds out her hand trying to be friendly toward the goat but he ended up chewing on her sweater sleeve, "Hey, friend. Oh! Yes, you can keep chewing on my sweater. Ha ha ha ha ha!"

'My sister tended to look on the bright side of things.'

"Yay! Grass," Mabel exclaimed as she rolled down the small hill, having the "time of her life".

A woodpecker starts to peck the top of Dipper's hat. Y/N makes a gently shooing motion to make the bird fly away without looking from their book.

‘But I was having a hard time getting used to our new surroundings, our great-auncle, (Y/N), was trying to make things better by trying to bond with us and to get me to see the brighter side of things.’ 

Dipper and Y/N were sitting under a tree together, Dipper writing in a journal and Y/N reading. Y/N lightly slapped the insides of the book with the back of their fingers.

"Ok, now I think you might enjoy this book, sweet pea.” Next thing Dipper knew, his great-uncle jumped behind the tree he and his auncle were sitting under on wearing a mask, "Boo!"

Both Dipper and Y/N scream at the top of their lungs, dropping the books in their hands as Dipper falls over.

"Aha ha ha ha!" Stan laugh as he takes the mask off.

 'And then was our great-uncle Stan.' Stan slaps his knee has he takes the mask off of his head.

'That guy.'

"Aha ha ha ha, ow!" Stan started hitting his chest from laughing so hard, then he doubled over in pain as his partner punched him in the stomach.

"Stop doing that!" Y/n picked Dipper up, fixing his hat and made sure he was ok.

"It was worth it."

'Our uncle and auncle had transformed their house into a tourist trap they called the Mystery Shack. The real mystery was why anyone came.'

A coward follows the Pines couple through out the museum, their arms linked together as Stan points to attractions with his 8-ball cane, "Ladies and gentlemen, behold! The Sascrotch!"

‘And guess who had to work there.’

“Oh," Mabel reaches to touch a giant eyeball, when Stan comes over to smack her hand away.

"No touching the merchandise!"

'It looked like it was gonna be the same boring routine all summer, until one fateful day...'

Dipper was wiping down some merchandise sweeping while his Graunkle was sweeping. His sister, Mabel, was too busy stalking her latest boy target behind selves of Stan and Y/N bobble head figures.

"He's looking at it. He's looking at it!"

The boy opened the note reading it out loud, "Uh...'Do you like me? Yes. Definitely. Absolutely?'” He started looking around, trying to find the source of where the note could have come from.

"I rigged it!" She uttered excitedly has she placed her hands on her cheeks.

Dipper stopped cleaning and rolled his eyes, “Mabel, I know you're going through your whole "boy crazy" phase, but I think you're kind of overdoing it with the "crazy" part."

Mabel turned towards her brother with a disbelieve look on her face and blows a raspberry, "What?! Come on, Dipper! This is our first summer away from home. It's my big chance to have an epic summer romance."

"I agree with Dipper on his, Hon, don’t you think you're moving too fast?" (Y/N) asked, "I mean...how many boy does make now?”

"I bet she doesn't even know, she flirts with every guy she meets!" Dipper said, shrugging.

Mabel is standing next to a boy in the mystery shack, fluttering her eyes, "My name is Mabel, but you can call me the girl of your dreams. I'm joking! Ha ha ha ha!" She exclaims pushing the boy into the greeting cards display knocking him and the stand over.

Mabel then pops up from behind a bench, that has a guy sitting with his turtle in his hands, "Oh, my gosh, you like turtles? I like turtles too. What is happening here?"

Inside the mattress store, a boy dressed as the mattress king is working, "Come one, come all, to the mattress prince's kingdom of savings!"

Mabel pops out from behind a set of colorful balloons and she whispers, Take me with you..." Causing the boy to run away screaming.

"Mock all you want, brother and Graunkle, but I got a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now." Mabel said confidently has she pointed toward the mystery shack exhibit door.

Stan walks through the door holding signs under his arm and a pitt cola in his hand. Using his other, he clutched his stomach as a burp gets caught in his throat, "Oh! Oh. Not good. Ow." 

Mabel looks at Stan in disgust, "Oh, why?!"

Dipper and Y/N laughed, high fiving each other as they do.

"All right, look alive, people. I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest." Stan said as he holds out the signs toward Y/N and the twins.

"Not it!" Dipper and Mabel say at the same time, behind them Soos raised his hand while he drilled a shelf with his other.

"Uh, also not it."

"Nobody asked you, Soos."

"I know, and I'm comfortable with that." He pulled out a chocolate bar and took a bite out of it.

Y/N can see Stan giving them a side eyed look, “No, Stan. I’m not doing the job that I told you to do!”

Stan rolls his eyes as he sighed in annoyance, he then turns towards the teenage red head, who’s relaxing on the job with her feet on the counter, reading a magazine. "Wendy! I need you to put up this sign!"

Wendy tries to reach for the signs from where she's sitting, with a bored expression on her face not looking up from her magazine, "I would, but I, ugh, can't, ugh, reach it, ugh..."

"I'd fire all of you if I could. All right, let's make it eeny-meeny-miney..." Stan then points his finger at Dipper, "You."

"Aw, what? Grunkle Stan, whenever I'm in those woods, I feel like I'm being watched."

"Ahh, this again." Stand begins to rub the corners of his eyes as Y/N gave him a light hit on his shoulder.

"I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town. Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out "BEWARE." Stan and Y/N leaned in closer to Dipper’s arm, both squinting their eyes. After looking at it for a couple of seconds Stan leaned back up, looking at Dipper, confused.

"That says 'bewarb.’” As he said this, Y/N gently grabbed Dipper’s arm and examined the bites. “Do you believe me, Graunkle Y/N?” Y/N shook their head, letting go of his arm.

”Oh, Sorry. I was just seeing if that needed to have cream put in it. It’s looks bad, Sweet pea.” Dipper then lowers his arm in embarrassment and rubs the bites.

“Anyway, look, kid.” Stan voices, “The whole "monsters in the forest" thing is just local legend drummed up by guys like us to sell merch to guys like that," Stan pointed to a man sweating like there was no tomorrow laughing at a bobble head Stan doll in his hands. "So, quit being so paranoid!" He then threw the signs into Dipper's arms. Fumbling with them, Dipper looked up at his uncle in annoyance.

Watching Stan leave through employees only door, Y/N sighed. Crouching down to meet Dipper’s height, Y/N placed a hand on Dipper’s shoulder. Dipper didn't make eye-contact with them.

”Hey, don’t let Stan get under your skin, alright? If you say there’s something going on, maybe, you could look for evidence to rub in his mean face."

Dipper sighed and nodded his head, "Yeah...Yeah! Grunkle Stan might not know it but this town had some weird stuff going on and I'm gonna prove it!" Dipper grips the signs tighter has he marches out of the shack toward the woods. Y/N stood back up, cracking their back, "Oof! Stupid old body." Taking a look around they noticed that Mabel was no where to be found, signing again they crossed their arms over their chest and walking through the employee only door. In there, they found Stan in the kitchen finishing his Pitt soda.

"He's gonna found out about this place eventually, you do know that right?" Stan groaned, taking a long drink from the can. He waved his finger in 'no' motion, bringing the can down from his mouth. "You don't think I know that, toots? Boy seems too smart for his age," he leans on the kitchen table muttering the last part of his sentence under his breathe. "Almost like someone else we know."

Y/N slowing walked over to the table and leaned on it next to Stan, rubbing his back. "I know, that's why I think we should be honest with them. To protect them from all this crazy stuff this place has going on. If we keep lying-" Stan cuts Y/N off.

"If we keep lying, we can keep them away from it." Stan gets up and walks out the kitchen to go upstairs, you turn your gaze to your feet. Thinking about how you could tell the kids about everything in this town, but a part of you didn't. It felt too soon, so you decided to wait until maybe they trusted you and Stan a little more. You groaned in annoyance, rolling your eyes. Opening the freezer, you grabbed a popsicle walking out of the kitchen to sit on the couch outside.

Some time passed, but you don’t know how long as you were sitting there lost in thought, until the front door slammed next to you. It was Mabel and she looks excited as ever.

“Hey Graunkle! I’m going to see if I can find Dipper, ok bye!" Mabel screamed as she started running toward the woods, you didn't even get a chance to understand what she was saying. And you didn’t have to think about it because pulling up to the front of the shack was a tour bus, you stood up, crushing the stick of the popsicle in your mouth.

After Y/N and Stan finished the tour, you two went upstairs. You rubbed the back of your neck, "Hey, you're not like mad about earlier, right?" Stan chuckled under his breath, turning to face you.

"Why would I be mad at ya? You just care for those rascals." You smiled, you both turned toward the stairs having heard the twins return. You walked over to Stan as you wrapped an arm around his waist and he wrapped his around your shoulder, hip to hip. “Now, let’s go see what those two are up too.”

You gave him a hard kiss on his cheek, giggling. Stan laughed, “Ugh, gross.” You both walked done the stairs laughing. As you got closer, you could hear the twins talking about something. Then you see Mabel rush to the door as you and Stan stood at the door way of the living room.

”What you readin' there, slick?”

Dipper quickly hides the journal under the cushion he was sitting under and grabs the nearest thing he can find. ”Oh! I was just catchin' up on, uh… gold chains for old men magazine?”

“Dipper don't read that, it'll rotten you.” Stan playfully pushed Y/N, laughing. They both walked over to stand behind the love sofa. “What?! That’s a good issue and you like my gold chains!”

You wagged your finger at him, smirking, ”I don’t know who told you that lie.” Just as you said that Mabel came back but she was with someone. He was taller than her, wearing a back hoodie and his back was facing the room.

”Hey, family! Say hello to my new boyfriend!” Mabel presented him as he turned around. His hair was covering one of his eyes and he had some red substance dripping from his cheek. He waved his hand halfway up in a greeting. ”Sup?”

”Hey…” Dipper greeted him first then Stan and you both at the same time.

”How's it hangin'.” Stan threw up finger guns.

“Hello.” You lazily waved at him.

“We met at the cemetery. He's really deep.” She then placed an hand on his arm, squeezing it a bit. “Ooh! Little muscle there. That’s… what a surprise.” Dipper raised his eyebrows, examining this new guy his sister brought in, ”So, what's your name?”

Almost as if pains him to speak he answers the question, ”Uh Normal Man!”

“He means "Norman.” As Mabel corrects him, Y/N noticed the red substance on his check dripping to the floor.

“Are you bleeding, Norman? We could patch that cut up for you?” 

Norman’s eyes widened as he looks at the liquid on his face. ”It's jam.”

Mabel gasped has she lightly shoved him. “Oh! I love jam! Look at this!” She exclaimed moved her hands back and forth between them. Norman shrugged as he looked around, ”So, you wanna go hold hands or whatever?”

”Oh! Oh, my goodness. Don't wait up!” Mabel giggled, bouncing up and down. She then runs towards the door Norman shoot finger guns at the others in the room and followed Mabel, hitting the doorframe and other walls in the process.

Y/N looked around the room at the others, "Well, he was weird. Right?" You saw Dipper nodding his head slowly, gaze focused on where Norman stood.

"Yeah," Stan began, he than clapped his hands and started making his was to the gift shop, "Come on, angel cakes, we got a shack to run!" Y/N ruffled Dipper's hair through his hat and started making their way towards the door, before they opened it they turned to look at Dipper.

"Hey bud, you alright?" They didn't get an answer cause he was already making his way up the stairs. Y/N signed, made sure they looked presentable, fixing their suit and little butterfly pin, and went through the door.

~ TIME SKIP ~

Y/N was stocking inventory as Stan handled the last group of tourists, you hummed thinking to yourself on where the twins could be. Finishing up your task you walked over to where Stan was with the guest.

Stan holds up a swirly pattern on a stick, pulls the string and rotates into a continuous spiral, "Behold! The world's most distracting object!"

The group of tourist was amazed at the simple object, Y/N rolled their eyes at the crowd. Looking passed the all to look through the window seeing the twins and some kind of giant monster. You stood there, mouth agape, your gaze not leaving the the window. Y/N reached out to tap on Stan's shoulder.

"Just try to look away you can't! I can't even remember what I was talkin' about." You groaned and ran outside, seeing the kids about to get hit by a giant fist. You ran towards them and grabbed them. Resulting in you all rolling until you hit the wall of the shack. The twins landed safely but you rolled until you hit the wall with your back, knocking the air our of your lungs.

Dipper was able process what happened to them quickly, he shuffled over to Y/N. Shaking their shoulder, "Graunkle!? Are you ok?" Before you could catch your breath and answer, the monster, which you now see is made of tiny men, gets closer.

"It's the end of the line, kids and weird person that came out of nowhere. Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy!" The one sitting all the way at the top spoke out. The twins each take a side by you, Dipper holding your shoulder and Mabel holing your hand. Dipper turned his hard to look at his sister, "There's gotta be a way out of this!"

Mabel looked from you to her brother with a worried expression. She them closed her eyes and, sighed through her nose. Letting go of Y/N's hand, she stood up and walked towards the gnomes. "I gotta do it."

Dipper's eyes widen, he stood and walked over to his sister, "What?! Mabel, don't do this! Are you crazy?"

Mabel looks back with a determined look on her face, "Trust me." Dipper shook his head and threw his arms up.

"What?!"

"Dipper, just this once Trust me."

You grabbed Dipper by his shoulder, making him turn towards you, "Dipper, I don't know what the hell is going on, but your sister seems like she knows what to do..." Dipper looked back and forth between you, his sister and the pile of gnomes. Walking backward toward the wall, he nodded.

"All right, Jeff, I'll marry you."

"Hot dog! Help me down there, Jason!" Jeff starts to climb down using the other gnomes as a ladder. "Thanks. Andy, left foot, there we go, watch those fingers, Mike." When he makes it to stand in front of Mabel, he pulls out a diamond ring from his back pocket. "Ehh? Ehh?" Mabel's eyes flutter as she presents her hand towards Jeff, he then puts the ring on her finger and does a little jig. "Bada-Bing, bada-bam! Now let's get you back into the forest, honey!"

"You may now kiss the bride." Mabel says as she examined the ring on her finger.

"Well, uh, don't mind if I do." Before he could so anything, he gets sucked into the nozzle of a leaf blower that's Mabel picked up without him seeing.

"Aah! Hey, wait a minute! Ahh-aahh Whoa! Whoa! W-what's going on? Aah! Aaah!"

"That's for lying to me!" She then turned the know on the leaf blower, increasing the power. "That's for breaking my heart!"

"Ow! My face!"

"And this is for messing with my brother!" She then aims the leaf blower toward the gnome monster, Dipper coming to stand next to her. She turned to him, gesturing the leaf blower toward him.

"Wanna do the honors?" She asked Dipper, he came to her side grabbing half of the leaf blower, "On three."

"One, two, three!" They both counted, shifting the leaf blower from 'suck' to 'blow'. Blasting Jeff through the other gnomes and towards the forrest.

"I'll get you back for this!!!!!" He screams as he sails over the trees. Meanwhile the giant monster falls apart as the gnomes fall to the ground. They all start complaining until Mabel starts aiming the leaf blower at them, making them all run away.

"Anyone else wants some?" Mabel screams, the twins laugh for a bit until the turn around, hearing their Graunkle trying to get up. They both run to take one of your sides, helping you up. "Thanks, kids. I don't know you two got in a mess like this but I'm just glad its over."

Mabel rubs you back looking up at you, "Are you gonna be ok Y/N." You chuckled, ruffling both of their heads, "Just peachy, gonna need my pillow though. Are you two alright?" They looked at each other smiling then back up to you, nodded. You smiled and started making your way towards the gift shop door, looking behind you, you called out towards the twins. "You coming?"

Dipper was about to answer, but Mabel stopped him, "We'll be there soon, I gotta talk to Dip-stick real quick." You nodded once more, not having the strength to speak again and went inside.

Inside you found Stan who was counted some of the earnings for the day. Y/N walked over and place their hands on the counter.

"Whoa?! The hell happened to you?" You mouthed, 'I'll you later' as the twins came dragging themselves in. Y/N nodded their head towards the beaten up looking twins, eyeing Stan.

"Sheesh! You two get hit by a bus or somethin'?" Not paying Stan too much attention they continued towards the employee only door.

"Aha! Uh, hey! W-wouldn't you know it? Um, Y/N accidentally overstocked some inventory, so how's about each of you take one item from the gift shop on the house?"

Mabel spun around with a twinkle in her eyes, "Really?

"What's the catch?" Dipper asked as he folded his arms and raised his eyebrow, staring his Uncle down.

“The catch is do it before I change my mind. Now take something.” Stan exclaims has he elbows the cash register placing the money inside, rolling his eyes playfully at you as you laughed. You walked over to stand next to Stan, him taking one of your arms and helping you lean on him. You both watched the kids look around the ship. Dipper chose one of the merch hats, slipping it on his head and looked at himself in the mirror.

"Hmm. That oughta do the trick."

“And I will have a Grappling hook!” Digging into box Mabel pulls out the grappling hook and holds it over her head in excitement. “Yes!”

You smile and gently clap your hands, encouraging her, while Stan and Dipper look at her then each other in disbelief and confusion. As they look back at her again Stan ask, “Wouldn't you rather have a doll or something?”

She then proceeds to launch the hook toward the ceiling, the hook then wraps around a beam, pulling her up in the process, “Grappling hook!”

Stan shrugged, "Fair enough."

Y/N knocked on the attic door, waiting until the twins gave permission for them to enter. You opened the door, peeking inside, you notice Mabel jumping on her bed and Dipper with his knees up a book or something laying on them.

"You two ready for bed?" Dipper nodded as Mabel shouted a 'Yes', not stopping her jumping. You laughed, "Well, I hope you too had a good day today."

"It was awesome, Graunkle," Mabel yelled. She stopped jumping and began to aim her grappling hook all around the room, trying to see where to shoot. "Ok, just be careful with that, sweetie."

She nodded as you were about to close the door, Dipper called out to you.

"Wait, um, don't you want like... I don't know some kind of explanation after what happened today?" You chuckled, shaking you head.

"Dipper, I've lived in this weird town for many years. I don't really need one." The expression on his face lighten up, looking as happy as can be. "Well, if that's the case, maybe..." He stops him self looking over to his sister who's nodding at him.

"Maybe, we can show yo-" Before he could finish his sentence you all heard Stan calling out your name, you signed.

"Don't worry about him, I'll get to him later. Now, what were you saying, Dipper." You looked back at him, his expression full with concern. He looked down at his lap, "Never mind... It's nothing."

Y/N frowned looking at the ground, "Ok, sweeties, hope you have a goodnight." And with that you closed their room door.

As you started to make your way down the stairs you heard a crash and laughing come from the twins room. You straighten out your PJs, decided not to question what they were up too. Crossing the final step, you made it back downstairs into the living room. You started humming some tune you couldn't remember as you made your way to the vending machine. You hit the side a couple of times, making the door of it pop open, grabbing a bag of chips.

A light came from outside the gift shop, until the door opened reveling Stan carrying a lantern. "You better pay for that," He nudged Y/N joking. You rolled your eyes, as he typed on the vending machines keypad. The machine slides open like a door, Stan walked in with you following behind him.

Before you closed it behind you, you turned and looked around to making sure you were alone. Seeing that you both were, Y/N closed the machine with a soft click.

Episode 2 ->

[baronessvonglitter]

if love be rough with you, be rough with love | chapter 6 | "black gift bag"

Dave York x f!Reader

Word count: 1,836

Summary: Dave plays a game with you. You both win.

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, discreet use of sex toys, you find out Dave goes through your room and has seen some sex toys of your own, basically he's sleazy but we love it, porn with eventual plot

Series Masterlist

You spend the rest of the next day wondering what it could be, what game Dave wants to play. You remain in a state of excitement, still feeling his fingers inside you. Last night must have been a dream, and you keep replaying it in your mind. The next morning he barely cast a glance at you and it drove you crazy, even when you offered him a cup of coffee he merely nodded and held out his cup for you to refill it. He must have been doing it to keep up appearances, but a part of you feels he enjoys teasing you like that.

And Carol? You could barely look her in the eye that morning, and so kept your head down. There you both were, bustling around the kitchen, the very place where you and Dave had given in to the desires you share. Carol likely suspected nothing, as her husband was very good at playing his part. You need to learn from him how to be inconspicuous.

Once the kids are at school and Carol and Dave have left for the day, you have the house to yourself and go about your chores as usual, your phone in your back pocket in the hopes that Dave will text you, but he doesn't. You think about texting him, but that would seem desperate, and you want to show yourself to be above such rashness. He's older, he probably expects you to be the first one to reach out.

That night, you're helping Carol prepare dinner and the girls are working on homework. You start when you hear the door, at the same time that Carol grins and runs to greet her husband. You stay at the stove, concentrating on dinner.

"A gift? For me? Oh you shouldn't have!" you hear Carol exclaim from the entranceway. Your stomach turns. Of course she gets gifts, she's the wife. You're just the nanny that he finger-fucked once. Your excitement of the day turns to irritation and you remain quiet throughout dinner, keeping your head down, only giving short answers, hoping you look more tired than upset.

After everything is put away and you start on the dishes, Carol takes a call as the girls start getting ready for bed. Dave comes near you at the sink, and you want to wipe that smirk off his face. "Did you miss me today?"

You bite back the words you really want to say, which would probably get you fired. "I don't know what you're talking about."

As if your attitude amuses him, he gently runs his index finger along the flesh of your upper arm, giving you goosebumps. "Go look on your bed," he says mysteriously, and leaves your side. You watch him leave, a confused look on your face, but hope lights up within your chest.

A couple minutes later you sprint upstairs and open your door to find a small black nondescript gift bag. So he didn't forget about me.. A little smile plays on your lips. Opening the gift, you remove the tissue paper to find a pair of lacy black panties in your exact size. There's a note at the bottom of the bag, written in Dave's neat handwriting. Wear these tonight after dinner

Quickly you remove your panties and put on the new ones. They feel luxurious against your skin. You wish you could wear just these for him just to tease him.

Dressed again, you go back downstairs and start to work on cleaning up the kitchen. Taking a peek across at the living room you see Dave and Carol on the couch, watching something on Netflix. Dave glances up and catches your eye; you give a little nod as if to signal that you're wearing his gift, and he acknowledges with a nod before returning attention to the TV. You can't be sure, but you swear there's a little smirk on his face before he turns away from you.

Smiling, you hum a little bit to yourself, going about your work. You wonder what Dave has up his sleeve, if he'll dare to come to your room after everyone is asleep. Is he that audacious? Are you? You envision all kinds of scenarios, imagining his mouth on you, what his big, strong body would feel like between your legs. You're so lost in your daydream that you almost don't notice a tiny vibration, and you stop, mid-swipe with a sponge on the kitchen island. You suppose you must have imagined it, been so deep in your daydream that you gave yourself a little jolt of pleasure.

Another minute later you feel it again, stronger this time, and it makes you gasp out loud. Again you stop what you're doing and pause, heart racing, eyes darting to the living room. It's there that Dave meets your gaze. Carol, engrossed in her show, doesn't see when Dave casually holds up his phone and swipes his thumb across the screen. Another ripple of pleasure shoots straight to your clit, making you gasp again, doubled over against the counter. You cover your hand with your mouth. Sneaking another look at Dave you see a devious smile on his face. He's bought you vibrating panties, and he's controlling your pleasure with an app. It must look so innocent to Carol, who probably supposes he's checking his email.

This is the game he said he wanted to play with you. And you have to admit, it's pretty hot.

Your heart is beating double time as you continue cleaning, albeit slowly, in anticipation of the next vibration. And there it is, another jolt, this one even stronger so that you actually cry out.

Carol calls your name from the living room. "Are you okay?" she asks, concerned.

"Sorry! Yes, I'm fine!" you call back, refraining from turning around because you know you'll see Dave's smirking face.

It's too tempting to just go upstairs and let these powerful feelings wash over you, but you know Dave wants to be able to see you, control you. He's that kind of man. So you give him what he wants because after all, you love it too.

You finish wiping down the counters as Dave continues to control the buzz in your panties, perfectly situated at your clit. Taking a minute to stop and collect yourself, you feel touches with less pressure, some with more; you feel him drawing little circle 8s and side-to-side swipes. He's keeping you on your toes with what comes next, and during a particularly strong sensation you almost laugh as you realize you're going to come. You do your best to keep quiet as you entire being seems to pulsate with sheer ecstasy. Dave is relentless, overstimulating you until tears form in your eyes. He only stops when Carol comes into the kitchen, looking for a glass of wine. You force yourself away from the counter.

"I can't end the night without my Chablis," Carol says merrily. "Honey, you have the movie paused, right?" she calls back to Dave.

"Everything is paused," he replies, and you understand that as a message for you and for her.

"Mind if I have some?" You don't particularly love white wine, but you think a glass would help take the edge off.

"Not at all." Carol pours you a glass and you feel bad for her. This woman has been so nice to you and this is how you repay her: by letting her husband stuff his fingers in your pussy late one night, and letting him vibrate you to new heights of great pleasure as she's in the next room. You're a terrible person. But that thought leaves you as you feel another jolt, and you nearly spit out your wine.

"Are you okay, dear?" Carol asks, putting her hand on your arm.

"Yeah," you insist, gasping as another vibration claims you. "Just.. cramps, you know?" You bend slightly at the waist and hope that she buys your lie.

"I can give you some Midol," she offers, and goes upstairs to fetch some before you can even say a word.

That's when Dave comes sauntering in and pours a glass for himself. He puts his phone down on the counter. "Having fun?" he asks casually.

"You could have warned me," you tell him, a little out of breath.

"What's the fun in that?" He drinks his wine and smirks at you. "Besides, I've seen what's inside your nightstand. You're kinky but you don't want to admit it."

"Wait.. you've been in my room?"

Dave shrugs. "It's my house. Technically I can go into any room I want."

You're speechless, blushing, and admittedly a little turned on. "How often do you go in my room? What else have you looked through?"

"You look so beautiful when you're flustered," he whispers, sidestepping the question. "I can't wait to see what you look like when you come all over my cock."

You give a little gasp and both of you go quiet as you hear Carol's footsteps coming back downstairs. She smiles at the both of you. "Brought you some Midol, dear. Oh, did you see what my dear hubby got me?" She reaches into the black gift bag she's brought down with her - the same one as Dave gave you - and pulls out.. an aromatherapy candle. "He's so thoughtful. I'm going to light this while I'm in the bath tonight."

You take the foil pouch of Midol and fight not to smirk. Dave went to a sex shop and got his wife a candle. And he got you vibrating panties. You really have to fight not to laugh. "It's lovely," you comment, taking a sniff of lavender.

"Maybe I'll be in that bath with you," Dave tells Carol, wrapping an arm around her waist. Your heart lurches and you look away as she giggles.

"Dave," she playfully reprimands him. You force a smile as they kiss a little bit, and get the broom to start sweeping. When you return Carol has gone upstairs.

"You know, if you download this app it will also alert me if you're wearing those panties." His voice is a low husky whisper once again. "And then you send me an invite to play." He picks up his phone. "Just something to think about. All the info is in that gift bag." He then goes upstairs and you're left alone.

Your feelings are all over the place. And as you start sweeping you feel tiny little shocks straight to your clit, a flurry of sensation in your panties. Gasping at the onslaught, you hold tight to the broom, needing something to brace or you feel you'll grow weak at the knees. You come silently, pussy pulsating around nothing, wishing it was Dave filling you with anything: his fingers, his tongue, his cock, anything to fill you up.

When you're done and you've caught your breath your phone buzzes in your back pocket. A text from Dave:

Good girl.

<- prev chapter

next chapter ->

divider by @saradika 👑

[pas-de-duex]

Prinxiety Week Day 7: Music

Read it on ao3 here! It has an additional chapter with the extra prompt: Concert!

Trigger warnings: anger, jealousy

@prinxietyweek

Virgil Storm was on top of the world.

Underneath the bright lights, in front of roaring crowds, sweaty from performing his latest hit, he felt better than ever.

Right now, watching one of his biggest fans on a date, he felt like shit.

He had absolutely no right to feel this way.

It wasn’t even that Roman was a groupie or anything (gods know he had plenty of those). Roman was just a huge, huge fan. He went to every concert, every meet and greet, and every interview Virgil’s band gave in the greater Miami area. Hell, Virgil had even seen him in Atlanta, Georgia one time! Roman was a consenting adult who had every right to go on a date with whoever he so wished.

So why did Virgil feel so shitty seeing him with some guy who looked like he should have a wife and kids at home, not sitting with Virgil’s newly acquired crush in a witchy tea restaurant that had recently opened up downtown?

Virgil was supposed to be picking up some new guitar picks from Logan in five minutes. Instead he found himself marching into said restaurant, and sliding into the booth next to Roman.

“Hey Roman.”

Roman turned to him in shock.

“You-you, you- you-“

“Well hey kiddo! You must be that Virgil Storm Roman keeps telling me about.”

“Patton,”

“Let me tell ya, Roman here LOVES your music! He's got posters of you all over his room! He owns every cd, record, hell even cassette tape you’ve ever released! He’s been to a ton of your concerts! Why, he even dragged me to one in Atlanta last year-“

“Patton!!” Roman stared daggers at the other man, while Virgil gave a satisfied smirk. “Ahem, sorry, you’ll have to excuse my friend Patton here. He just moved to Miami from Atlanta and we are, um, catching up.” Roman gave Virgil a sheepish smile.

“Hey, no worries. Just thought I’d come say hi to my biggest fan. I’ll get out of your hair if-“

“No! Uh, I mean, would you, would you care to join us? I mean- you don’t have to if you don’t want to, I mean, I’m surprised you even remember me, let alone that you know my name, I MEAN-“

Roman put his head on the table in shame.

Virgil felt his phone buzz. It was no doubt Logan wondering where the heck he was.

“Yeah, I've got some time.”

He quickly shut off his phone and took a menu from Roman.

“So, how long have you two known each other?”

“Oh Roman and I have been friends since kindergarten! I moved away to Atlanta for college, but we’re still the bestest of friends!”

Patton ended up doing most of the talking. Roman spent most of the time avoiding Virgil’s eyes, and Virgil spent most of the time staring at Roman.

“Well this was great, Roman! Now that I’m finally home we’ll have to do this more often! Oh and it was nice to meet you, Virgil!” Patton gave Roman a hug and waved to Virgil before heading

“So, just to make 100% certain, he’s not your boyfriend, right?”

“What? Patton? No! He’s just-he’s just a very good friend. I prefer guys that are,”

“Tall, dark, and mysterious?”

“Well…y-yes I suppose so.”

Virgil smiled and put his arm around Roman’s shoulders. “Wanna run an errand with me then, babe?”

Roman blushed. “Uh, sure! It’s a date! I mean, not a date, I mean-“

“It’s a date.” Virgil kissed Roman’s cheek and started walking towards Logan’s music store.

“Finally! Never have I ever had such trouble getting in contact with someone over guitar picks! Oh, hello Roman. Why do you consistently order 3,000 of them Virgil! If you wouldn’t sign them and throw them into the crowds, maybe you wouldn’t have to keep ordering so many!”

“Wait, time out, you know Roman?”

Logan looked like he was about to take off his tie and beat Virgil to death with it.

“That’s what you took from all that? Yes Virgil, yes I know Roman! I think I would know my own brother-in-law very well!l

“Brother-in-law?”

Logan was dangerously close to murdering Virgil.

“Um; how about those guitar picks, Logan? I’m sure Virgil is happy to take them off your hands-“ Roman murmured the rest of his sentence.

“What was that, babe?” Virgil asks.

“I said I’m sure you're happy to take the guitar picks and maybe-“ he murmured again.

“Logan’s not going to get them until you tell me what you want,” Virgil said coyly.

“I said you’re happy to take them off your hands thenmaybeyoullsignoneandgiveittomebecauseivebeentooverfifteenofyourconcertsandnevercaughtoneofyourguitarpicks.”

Virgil laughed. Logan rolled his eyes and went to grab the box of guitar picks.

“Of course I’ll give you one, babe. But it wouldn’t be authentic if I didn’t get to play you something first.”

He swiped a pick from Logan’s jar on the counter, and went and grabbed an acoustic guitar off the wall.

“Hey! That’s a vintage 1966 Martin 18! You’d better be careful with that!”

Virgil ignored his friend and sat on a stool Logan conveniently had near the wall. He strummed a few cords and then began to sing.

“At last, my love has come along, my lonely days are over, and life is like a song!”

Roman could’ve swooned. Virgil finished up his song, took out a sharpie, and autographed the pick. He hung the guitar back on the wall, then got down on one knee and presented the pick to Roman.

“Roman… would you do me the honor of going on a proper date with me?”

Roman took the pick with shaking hands.

“Yes, yes a thousand times yes!!”

[ohtobeleah]

Oh but with the sick wife Christmas fic

“I didn’t want to worry you..besides we’re separated..”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t love you”

“wait did you say “love”?”

“Yeah”

And oh boy..maybe she has like a really bad reaction to the meds and it’s getting worse fast or something like that..obvi Jake is scared shitless..and their kids ask him where mom is..and HE HAS TO EXPLAIN NICELY and he doesn’t want to lie to them

“Where’s mommy? I thought she’d be here with us?”

“Uh, kiddo..she’s..she’s not feeling super great, so daddy is gonna go help her feel better..”

“Then she’s gonna come over here right?”

“…maybe..we’ll see, mommy really isn’t feeling good, so maybe she might not come here”

It’s all shrouded in mystery, I’d say the readers mum is the only one who knows what going on. Jake only finds out two days before Christmas because a sleep deprived over worked and undervalued nurse who just misses her own family accident calls him assuming because he’s down on your documents are your “husband” that he’s your emergency contact. (Or maybe even just didn’t see that it was actually your mum)

I can see Jake showing up at the hospital while your sleeping. It had been a pretty big day and your body just needed some rest: there’s Christmas lights strung up in your room because your mum didn’t want you to feel like you couldn’t have Christmas because of your health.

And Jake just sits there by your bedside, wondering at what point did you decide he wasn’t even allowed to be apart of your life anymore. At what point did you decide he wasn’t worth telling this life altering things. He is t made at you, he’s disappointed in himself that he never treated you the way you deserved to be treated in your marriage, now? He feels like the last one to know.

It’s the whole “What are you doing here?” That really breaks his heart.

“The kids are still in Austin, I got on the first flight out—what, when did you find out?”

“Uh—“ And when you realise there is no more room to hide you come clean. “When I rang you asking if you could take the kids for Christmas, I was in my doctors office looking at the mammogram results.”

But the kids would be so distraught if they knew. I’d say they’re pretty young, Jake sits them both down when he flys back to Austin, he’s gonna get them back to Rhode Island to your mums place so he can get back to you.

“Is mummy sick?”

“Yeah baby she is, but I’ve got her now and she’s gonna get all better.” Jake doesn’t even know if he’s trying to convince his daughter or himself.

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Clone Wars 2x10 ‘The Deserter’ Reaction

aka the Rex Chest Episode

The way Grievous says ‘Kenobiiiii’ will never fail to make me laugh

“Any sign of Grievous?” the gesture that goes with this is just, oh Rex

Jesse? Is that Jesse? 

That little smirk from Rex. He knows that Obi-Wan wants first dibs on fighting his frenemy

Cody: “Rex is a smart man.” Obi-Wan: “Indeed. Always thinking on his feet.” Rex: *immediately gets shot*

Also the little glances they exchange during this

Oof that’s gotta hurt. Sniper shot straight to the plastoid covered chest. Poor Rex lying there like a busted pretzel.

Kix, was that you?

I’m guessing the yellow clone is Crys? Why is he yellow instead of 212th gold?

Why does Obi-Wan say “We’ve picked up the scent.” straight down the barrel of the camera? What is this 4th wall break?

Hello Kix!

Jesse got the braincell today. Also Kix’s decidedly confused “Sir” to Jesse was adorable. Wookieepedia lists Jesse as a Lieutenant and with Rex down I’m assuming that means he’s in charge now.

Why are the Twi'lek’s french?

Jesse saying ma’am is sending me

Well Suu is a certified badass. Absolutely no messing with her. 

REX CHEST?!

AND REX WHUMP?!!

Omg his chest and neck and that jaw and those arms and he hurts so prettily and omg I am unwell and cannot be saved help me

I’m guessing the other clone with the tattoo over his left eye is Hardcase? Hi Hardcase! Is he the one with ADHD? I love him already.

Rex flopping around like a fish out of water lmao

Oof that is a nasty bruise on his back. Also his back. And shoulders. And arms. Omg.

Kix telling Rex he outranks him lmao

Rex thighs?! Rex are you wearing nothing but your lower blacks?! That look decidedly grey but anyway. Also, where is the clone bulge? We were robbed.

“You look like my daddy.” FORESHADOWING CLAXON

The way that Kix and Hardcase looked at Rex like, “is this yours?”

There was so much in that “Mmmm” from Suu lol she is so unimpressed

Jesse being told he’s in command while holding a platter of fruit and nodding like a butler at Rex CACKLING

Rex, where are your nipples? Do clones not have nipples? What did the Kaminoans have against nipples? Did we seriously not get clone nipples? Were animated male nipples too much for Lucasfilm and Cartoon Network in the year of our lord 2010? Why are your nipples just slightly darker vague blotches Rex?

Omg Obi-Wan you completely and utterly over the top dramatic bitch (affectionate). Look at him all backlight by the moon looking all dark and mysterious as he hunts down his favourite arch nemesis. 

REX ARMS

Jesus H Christ. My God. Just look at them. Holy fuck. SIR

Also this bit with the farm animal waking him up was hilarious. His wide eyed look of alarm when it was snuffling and licking his face, poor Rex.

Also, Rex Hands? They’re so big. And his fingers are so long. Oh my. Oh no. My brain has already run away with itself.

I may have paused it at the wrong moment but his forearms look hilariously weedy in comparison with the absolute bulging units that are his biceps. 

I know this is supposed to be faux sinister and spooky but do all clones have such lovely beautiful long fingers?

Rex’s spidey senses activated

Cut? Sir? Daddy? Hello? Are all clones just a bulging mass of ripped muscle?

And here we have our philosophical argument for the episode

“Then our children and their children will be forced to live under an evil I can’t well imagine.” Oh no. Oh, Rex. If only you knew.

That was one awkward conversation to have at the family dinner table

Cut was at the Battle of Geonosis? Hmmm I wonder what batch that makes him and how old he is. Especially if Cody wasn’t at the Battle of Geonosis, which we found out in a previous episode. 

Another awkward conversation to have while your kids and wife are just sitting there watching?

Obi-Wan, you are such an overly dramatic bitch. It is hilarious. I love it. A giant Force leap off a tank with multiple somersaults ending in a superhero pose? Really? Also, that poor clone that basically fell out of the exploded tank and was dangling off a bit of it at the end.

Did that clone just shoot an incoming missile out of the air?!

Kids playing outside by themselves? This can only go well. I didn’t realise it at the time but episode 1x2 “Cut and Run” of The Bad Batch did exactly the same thing.

Oop that’s gone well. 

Well Cut clearly hasn’t lost any of his skills from being a clone

Protective Dad Mode Engaged

Also, why is Protective Dad Mode always so damn hot. Hunter does the exact same thing.

Jesse, Hardcase and Kix just absolutely dismantling droids on their speeders

“Always something.” lmao

Cut punching the commando droid and immediately regretting it

So Rex is still just as deadly even with the use of only one arm. 

Poor Rex getting strangled by a commando droid after falling through the floor. Also Cut shooting the droid that was choking Rex was a decidedly badass moment. Thought it did remind me of when Cody basically did the same thing for Crosshair in episode 2x3 ‘The Solitary Clone’ of TBB.

Grievous, did you just try to use a tactical dramatic cape drop on the master of dramatic cape drops himself?

Lol Obi-Wan’s little reach for Grievous. Nooooo come back and fight meeeeee.

Obi-Wan is so pissed that he didn’t get to capture his favourite arch nemesis. He’s having a little sulk. Cody is probably so tired of this shit.

That’s growth right there. Character development time for Rex.

Naw look at Rex riding off into the sunset. Cowboy Rex anyone?

[quietwingsinthesky]

(@transgenderdoctorwhomst )

looks at you with my big eyes and holds out my hand. would you like to be normal with me about master!rory?

yes yes yes yes so badly hold on hold on.

okay. see. what’s got to activate my brainworms about master!rory is the moment we all know and love, this little speech here:

You know what's dangerous about you? It's not that you make people take risks, it's that you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don't want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around.

which, already one of the best rory moments on its own. with regular rory, its an immediate tell of just how insightful he is about the doctor—the guy whose whole thing is being a mystery man in a mystery box. he reads him for dead there, and he’s right. but god. think about that with the context of master!rory. maybe even a master!rory who is still currently fobwatched or whatever, who doesn’t know just how well he knows the doctor. because doesn’t that just cut to the core of their relationship. as much as the master is perfectly capable of doing evil shit all on his lonesome, there’s a part of him that wants the doctor to see. to be impressed by just how far the master can go, has gone.

i mean s3 and end of time are practically him shouting LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! until he’s gone far enough to put his own face everywhere on the planet.

and then, of course, the way that this line could also reflect on missy’s future(?) arc (assuming that at some point rory is gonna regenerate into her. which. extremely funny if you hold to the EU fact that missy is also one of amy’s childhood therapists. missy, that’s your wife what are you doing-) What’s more undoing than wanting to be better because the Doctor knows you can be, promises you can be, and you reach and reach and never quite get a hold on what he’s saying you must. you don’t want to let him down. and you will. inevitably.

you know?

and we gotta get into amy/rory we gotta. okay. again presuming fobwatched!rory -> him getting his memories back. i mean, what’s that like, right? because rory’s world revolves around amy, it really does, but the master has centuries behind him. how do you fit a universe inside you and still love one girl so much. i don’t think he could stop, i don’t think he could help himself. above all, i don’t think amy would let him. that sounds uhhhhh but what i mean is: i don’t think amy would watch rory become someone else and think that she, she who believed the doctor back into existence, couldn’t force a little of him to stay rory, just by holding onto him. very tam lin of her, if she held onto the master as he snarled and spit and lashed out until he ran out of energy to fight it and let himself be rory again just to be in her arms a little while longer.

i think you’re right. i think she really could just go ‘you’re being an idiot’ and he’d completely bluescreen processing that he, the master, is being spoken to like that. that he’s listening to her. he can’t help it, he’s whipped. oh the insane things that would do to him and the doctor both if the doctor couldn’t talk him down from Evil Plan Of The Week but amy could. a compelling parallel too, assuming that somehow fobwatched rory grew up from being a kid (the way yana did?) alongside amy, remembers that still alongside memories of growing up with the doctor. two very different childhood friends, and the real one, the older one, is someone with whom the relationship is so banged up it can never be good or simple ever again. and his childhood with amy wasn’t even real but the love is. the love is.

i think that would be a wonderful way to fuck him up forever. the doctor spends all this time picking up humans and ghosting when they grow older because he’s terrified of facing that and the master mocks that, and then all of a sudden. here’s his human. she’s going to grow old. and he never will. a new kind of fear for him to experience, the horrible understanding of exactly what the doctor does and why. he’d probably bring it up more in response, lash out at the doctor with names of people he hasn’t visited in centuries because he’s so scared, and then turn around and see amy and get cold and shaky because it’s happening to him and he can’t stop it.

ohhhhh river. what do we think the odds are that master!rory would let his daughter be taken away from them? zero, right? and like hell would amy, no matter what the show seemed to believe. so let’s steamroll the doctor’s opinions on the matter, commandeer his ship, because its his future he wants to preserve but its the master’s/rory’s/amy’s present they both want to save. amy’s got a vicious streak that could burn through the galaxy if given enough reason to, and that’s her daughter they took. but alone, the doctor could stop her, because at the end of the day, it’s his ship and he’s got more power over everyone’s lives then is reasonable. with rory, she couldn’t do it. but with the master? the stars are gonna learn to shake when they hear she’s coming.

so yeah. i have. a few thoughts on master!rory. hopefully good ones lmao.

[widowshill]

scientific ranking of all of vicki's boyfriends and girlfriends

1. roger collins canon status: 6/10 they are the moment. collinsport's own jane eyre reenactment in a 1960's feudal sardine empire, complete with lovely arsonist wife. they're soulmates. he might be her uncle (?). it's true love. it's workplace harassment. they're fated to be together. they're doomed. they're entwined but never joined. they're marrying other people. they're mimicking each other's dialogue. they went on two dates and they both sucked. she's the adoptive mother to his (?) child. he tried to fire her 2 million times. they never even kissed once. they got stuck in a cabin together in the middle of a storm. he gives her away at her wedding. he can't stand to see her married. she is one of the few people in this world that he finds worth caring about.

2. burke devlin (mitch ryan) canon status: 10/10 he's dangerous he's mysterious he's tall dark and handsome and he did not hit that guy with his car. he's an oil baron. he's an ex convict. he's a millionaire. he's roger collins' ex-boyfriend. he's going to set out to destroy everything but oh god not her he would never let anyone touch her. one of the few people who actually takes her bodily safety seriously and moves heaven and earth to rescue her (repeatedly). two poor kids from the wrong side of the tracks arrive in the same train car from new york to collinsport. one of them already knows the underside of the collins' heel and the other one is about to and he can't convince her to get out. he wants to wreck the collins name she wants it as her own but they're both too-well wrapped up in the myth to leave it.

3. carolyn stoddard canon status: 2/10 girlfriends. that's all i can say. i just think they are very much adorable and they do score points on the canon scale, remotely, for such subtle lines from Carolyn as: "Just what the doctor ordered to keep the wind from ruffling your dark and gorgeous hair," and "Here, alone with you, I can't pretend." never mind their sleepovers in vic's bed hanging out in their nightdresses. carolyn would sooner own up to having a crush on her uncle than having a crush on a woman because this is upper crust maine in the 1960's but listen ... for a character who enjoys flirting for fun but gets extremely anxious about settling down and marrying a man, who prefers the most distant, unobtainable men that she has no reasonable chance of actually ending up with (roger case in point), who gets jealous every time vicki is with someone no matter who it is ... maybe she does like men too, but let's investigate mama let's research. with the governess, preferably. (who could maybe be her half sister? see no. 1)

4. maggie evans (blonde wig) canon status: 0/10 i'll be honest with you all this one is purely vibes but the other boyfriends suck so she still gets to place ahead of them. don't tell me maggie's not looking at her in exactly the same way she looks at joe when she's eyeing him up as her next man. she got straighter when we lost the blonde wig but this entire counter scene in e1 is one long flirtation session and for however many episodes she keeps the wig i believe very strongly there's a devastatingly homoerotic female friendship developing. i'm not immune to the short hair blonde long hair brunette wlw aesthetic i'll admit. as i said vibes only but just trust me. y'all fw cartinelli? ok. well.

5. frank garner canon status: 10/10 i'm glad you were very helpful during the laura arc frank but i'll be honest you bore me to tears why are you even here. he's got the personality of wonder bread and he's in the wrong genre he should be arguing cases on bachelor father or solving hardy boys mysteries or something i truly do not know. these two together just means bouncing all our lawful good off each other and it self perpetuates into nothing interesting at all. they're not even maybe related! maybe if we continued further with the betty hanscombe story and he found some damning revelation about vicki's parentage he'd have something fun to contribute to the plot but as things stand he's just a duller ivy league version of joe and if we're gonna have an all-american boyfriend i'd rather she just date mr haskell.

6. burke devlin (anthony george) canon status: 10/10 you may think that he cannot have possibly fallen from 2nd to 6th with a recast ... surely not ... but you would be wrong. i give vic props for domesticating him but he's lost all his panache in his full-time role as romantic interest, and now he doesn't even look like handsome squidward anymore :( like frank, this version of burke is much too obviously a safe choice, where the original allure of burke is the fact that she wants him despite the enmity between him and the collins family, his destructive tendencies, his jawline ... I do give him props for going to extreme lengths to make her happy, not only in their personal relationship, but her overall circumstances, and the other things that matter to her. you're not last but i wasn't sad when the plane crashed either :/

7. barnabas collins canon status: 8.5/10 is this a real relationship ... i don't really know. i'm not sure the participants know. barnabas thinks it is and i guess they were technically engaged to be married at some point but that's only towards the goal of using her to vividly hallucinate his dead girlfriend so does that count. I will say in their favor it was extremely funny that she had to drive the getaway car for her own kidnapping/elopement/vamp enthrallment because he can't drive. honestly that was the only part of this whole situation i enjoyed. also when she married jeff and he sighed and put his head in his hands he was real for that. they're actually pretty compatible and would be amazing friends ... or like, they could host a podcast together, or something. not this.

8. jeffpeter clarkbradford canon status: 10/10 such a shitty boyfriend that roger collins opened his third eye to warn her that marrying him is the greatest mistake of her life. his only job in the entire world is to make sure that vicki does not hang for witchcraft and he fails multiple times. possibly the most annoying man on the planet. what if we gave a ken doll the personality of a republican congressional aide and he's played by an actor that is reviled by his castmates. comes to the future on the power of wanting to fuck vicki i guess and to spite me, specifically, who's very tired of seeing him, and makes her have a car accident where she could have died. kisses reincarnated french serial killers in the yard days before their big wedding. leaves her at the altar to go play in the dirt in the graveyard. later marries her in a shotgun ceremony at 3 in the morning and then vanishes back into The Past. after literally driving her to suicide, takes her to be with him in The Past where she hangs, again, and then dies off the cliff. TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO.

[s0methingmoonlit]

So what if O!Sky was soft?

Ah, the brainrot just won’t go away. I think FNF Soft is wonderful! Mostly because the concept and aesthetic, and Grace! She’s my favorite of the bunch. Oh, I could ramble on and on about her, but we’re focusing on the Skyverse, especially O!Sky! This is my design for her! I tried my best to imitate Alex’s style, I think it’s pretty good. A little wonky on the limbs though.

Madison has a unique sense of fashion, I mean she wants to look stylish so makes sense. She’s a part time hair stylist, but dreams of becoming a fashion designer. She dyed parts of her hair blue because that was her second favorite color. She loves purple the most, and it’s pretty much 99% of her closet. Madison is not too short, only 5”2. But there are many more people taller than her, which is why she wears platform shoes. I was originally going to make her similar to her sister, but I think it’s better not to do that since that wouldn’t make much sense, mostly because of her backstory. If you wanna read it, just click or tap the magic button (aka keep reading LOL)

The two photos above are two other outfits. Madison’s outfit on her reference sheet is very similar to the second image, only that in the traditional drawing, the skirt is flowing, while in the one above, is a tight skirt, like the one in the third image.

Now let’s get into the backstory…

Madison wasn’t abused in her past like Benjamin was, but instead she heavily bullied someone. Specifically her younger sister. Yes, I do mean the Soft Sky we all know and love.

The Sky Siblings used to live in “The city of Stars” together with their parents. The father worked very busy as a Tailor, so they didn’t suffer too much financially. When they were young, Madison was always the one doing better at… pretty much anything. Sports, art, singing…whatever you name. At least their mom’s eyes. Mom would always give her older daughter attention and neglects her younger daughter. Because of that, Madison liked to treat her sister like crap, always bragging about herself and how she was better while Sky couldn’t “do anything” or was just “stupid and talentless.” She said lots mean things every single time she had a chance to. Their mother always just brushed it off as playful teasing because they were just kids! Kids don’t know morals. Same thing happened with the dad, but unlike mom, he actually started to slowly catch on to Madison’s hateful behavior. He then constantly reminds her to be more nicer to her younger sister, but that didn’t seem to work. He also began noticing that his wife was actually neglecting Sky. Before the siblings started middle school, the parents had a discussion with each other, which then turned into an argument, which lead to them getting a divorce. Sky and their father stayed at home, while Madison and their mother moved to another city. And that’s when Madison slowly starts to realize her behavior that past years. The less she was with her sister, the more days that went on, the more she felt guilty for her past actions. Her superiority complex slowly turned into an inferiority complex.

Nowadays, she’s much more mature, but isn’t very open to others. In other words, she’s very mysterious. She has a nice facade in order to please customers at her job, but in college she’s very avoidant of others. Like I said before, she strives to become a fashion designer, but also mustn’t reveal too much of herself. So yeah the reason Mother Mairest reminds Madison so much of herself is because she acted too much like her younger self. Also she only sees herself in Marilyn and not Frank is because 1) He’s ugly (at least Marilyn has a decent fashion sense) and 2) Madison never physically hurt Sky, at all. Even as a child she would never go far to physical harm. So no, Madison couldnt have caused that to Sky’s left eye.

Unfortunately, Mama Sky is a not a good mom in this AU. Actually, we know absolutely nothing about O!Sky’s mom OG universe, but I’ve always assumed she’s a good mother! But despite this, Madison still maintains a good relationship with mom. I mean, Mama Sky isn’t manipulative or abusive towards her, just was playing the favorite game in the worst way possible. I know many parents play favorites but this mother just takes it too far

“Ok, but what about Benjamin Fairest? What does Madison think of him?” Good question! You see… I actually didn’t think that far. Well, this is literally called the soft AU so the characters should seem less rambunctious and more calm. I guess Madison would just be neutral towards him. Like she wouldn’t care about his existence, she only wants his parents to get a good well deserved punishment. So yeah, he’s just okay in her eyes.

“What about Grace/Pico?” She has no idea who either of them are. Actually she knows the latter, but that’s only because a bunch of people made jokes about him in her high school.

“Wait, Sky Sky Curls?” I headcanon Soft Sky’s real name would be “Libby” but again, it’s only canon in my head, so I tend to stay away from using that.

I went on several different baby name websites for names that meant “heart.” Yes that is a reference to Old O!Sky’s sister being named Hearts. I kinda sorta gave up because I was doing this late at night. I chose Libby, or Libi, because it meant “my heart” or “girl” which isn’t exactly what I wanted, but I guess it was good enough.

Basically Libby was what I personally thought was most fitting for Soft Sky. If you read the small crossed out text, ok then.

Hmm… I guess that’s about all I could say! If you have any more questions, then the ask box is open! I think even people who don’t have a Tumblr and only came from my insta can use the ask box. You can ask anonymously or not.

[aladybetween2majors]

The Sign Episode 2 Thoughts.

We're back again with the sign. The only Thai BL I'm watching right now. I am really wishing I waited to binge this show because it's really good and I don't like having to wait. There's obviously a lot building up and I don't know if I can wait. I can't stop watching though.

Last week we had Phaya overhearing the (cute) Captain's conversation which confirmed his suspicion that Lt. Tam's death was no accident. He and Tharn have now broken into the office and gotten pictures of the autopsy report. I can't help but wonder why the office doesn't have a CCTV camera though.

Our boys are in bed 🤭 I really love the flirting this two have going on I had a wide smile on my face anytime they interact.

Not Yai thinking he was dreaming when he saw Phaya and Tharn in bed, and he's so happy about it 😂 he's the best wingman/shipper

All five of them are working together to solve the case. Although I am really not into the whole mystery right now. I don't really care about this dead guy and the investigation isn't all that fun.

I'm glad that Captain is smart because our boys aren't. Talking in front of a CCTV camera, really?

Khem and Thongthai continue to fascinate me. What are Thongthai's feelings about Khem who cheated on him, after all they seem to be on good terms even though Khem wants him back. I want to know more 🤤

Hey there Freen! I think what Phaya is seeing when he sees Wansarat are simply memories from his past life, not something happening in real time. Because Tharn is already a reincarnation of Wansarat so we can't be seeing her spirit, can we? Somebody correct me if I'm wrong. I don't totally understand reincarnation in Asian cultures.

I'm so glad they were caught and that investigation was put behind them. If there'll be more mysteries in the show I hope they'll be well done. At least now our boys can focus on their training.

They passed!🥳🥳

Phaya and Tharns interactions are the best parts of this show that already has good things. The cap scene had me smiling. Tharn using Phaya's moves on him🤭🤭 Phaya putting his number in Tharn's phone and Tharn being like 'i didn't ask' 😂😂

I like how their flirting comes off as natural. There hasn't been any confession of feelings but they're just developing this fondness for each other that I love. I really like it when characters are this natural with each other and go with the flow. Where you can feel like they like each other and getting together will be organic not because they're in a romance story and the narrative demands it. It's very believable

Yai remains the best boy. I can't wait to meet his wife.

The entire bar scene wasn't really for me. The points were gotten across though. Phaya is already possessive of Tharn, he hasn't made a direct move even though he hasn't been hiding his feelings.

I skipped the singing.

Not Tharn throwing up before Phaya could finish talking 😂😂 baby boy couldn't handle the tension.

The bathroom scene was cute. That fore head kid though😋

Oh! Tharn gave Phaya that amulet as children. I can't wait to dig into their pasts. And not just in this life.

Finally! Chalathorn is here🥳

I liked the episode. The Sign continues to hit me in that sweet spot 🥺 I don't love it yet. I'm not crazy for it as I was for I Feel You Linger in the Air but I think it has to do with the weekly watch, I binged IFYLITA so I could enjoy all it's goodness at once. Still I know I could love this one, it just has to hit it's stride, there's still do much set up.

Overall the first two episodes have been stellar. See y'all next week 😊

[pricklypear1997]

Drunk FMAB ramblings

Edward: omg he’s short and full of anger and depression. So relatable. Favorite color is red, same. “You mean this shrimp fried some rice?!?!?” Adorable. Will literally fight god if he has too lmao. Isn’t atheist as most would believe…. Doesn’t give up. Loves his little bro.

Al: loves cats uwu same, my brother, but my bff is definitely him and she’s like a sister to me lol, plus taller than me :((((. Al is a cinnamon roll. So adorably sweet. Who could hate him??? Seriously??? Will brighten anyone’s day! Such a book nerd 📚. Idk. I think he really likes reading. :) ngl my little bro is like him too. Tall as hell wtf… I feel so protective of my little bro but honestly he doesn’t need me 😹😹😹

Winry, the perfect girl, she’s wonderful and great at making things. So patient with Ed :3 I love her piercings. She’s probably really good at math xD so smart and self reliant too! Loves Edward so much. So sweet :))))

Riza; so strong and cool. Damn sharpshooter. Wish I could be as good with a gun as her. I’ve never held a gun before lmaooo. She’s so cool. She’s definitely a bit sad tho. I get that.

Roy; omg he’s funny but dumb 😂 idk why he’s dumb but he is. ._. He’s so different from me but I completely understand his end goal. That patriotism and love for his country 🤩, I 100% get that and I feel like I kinda have the same end goal as he does, even tho… personality wise, I don’t relate to him at all. He’s such a fucking manwhore lmao.

Ling Yao; funny funny guy, so similar to the mustang tbh (I wonder if Roy is part Xingese too), so funny and chipper. Loves food. Loves his country too, again so fucking based. Imagine being emperor of your country, hell yeah! I love his smile lmao 🤣

Mei Chang; really cute, her braids remind me of central Asian hairstyles :) Central Asia is so cool man… I’m 1/4th central Asian (and North Indian) ok?!? I like her little panda/cat too. She’s so sweet :3 a little red bean dumpling 🥟.

Lan Fan, mysterious cool girl. She literally cut off her arm to throw Wrath off DAMN girl. Her loyalty to Ling is WOW. I’d like to learn more about her. We didn’t get enough of Lan Fan.

Olivier Mira Armstrong; oh my god she’s so cool (and hot!). Sword fighting badass chick. Fur coats and all… damn. So cool and scary. She’s so honest, I love that about her. Very Balkan of her to NOT beat around the bush!!!

Alex Louis Armstrong; mustached muscly freak who’s actually really nice, but kinda scary. I actually appreciate him much more now than I used too. A heroic good guy 👍🏻. A gentle Giant. Probably really good at cooking too?

Izumi Curtis; I love her. Strong independent woman who’s also a house wife and loves her husband. Is a house wife who subverts every sexist stereotype of house wives. So damn cool. She lost a child through miscarriage. :( loves kids but is a “tough love” kinda gal. Doesn’t mess around. She’s really great. I love her relationship with Sig.

Sig Curtis; a gentle giant. Loving and understanding husband. Loves Izumi so much 😭 so patient with his crazy wife! That’s dedication right there! Probably really good at cooking 😀

Ok now the humonculi;

Wrath; a cautionary tale. I actually really like King Bradley. I get him. Really angry lol. Bad ass. So good at sword fighting 🤩🤩🤩. Actually loves his wife… his story is actually sad. Who were his parents??? Orphan…

Envy: ; wtf a palm tree??? I hate this character but idk why. He/she/they irritates me. I like the cute tiny lizard form though. I really adore lizards :3. Kinda angry and angsty. I don’t get this character lol.

Lust; sexy lady roflmao. She’s really pretty, it’s true. Her nails on fleek 10/10. She’s an interesting character and I would’ve loved to see more of her. She died too soon.

Sloth; “what a pain ______ is”. I feel ya bro. He’s scary and muscly, but sleepy af. He does not give a single fuck 😹😹😹

Pride; snot nosed brat! I can’t stand this kid. 🤠 I think pride is my third biggest sin after Wrath and Sloth tho… but this kid was so annoying loooool. Spoiled little rich bitch 🤣

Gluttony; fatass. He’s kinda gross. Resembles a big fat drooling hungry baby lmaoooo.

Greed; we ALL have greed to some extent. He’s such a player. Goofy ass. Funny. Gets all the ladddiiiieeeessss. He wants to rule the world? Or he really just wants good friends who appreciate him???? A chill guy. Slightly annoying but tolerable xD

Father; what the fuck is that thing??? Dwarf in the flask LMAO. Shadowy figure. A weirdo.

Ok back to humans;

Maes Hughes; the best dad ever! Spoils his daughter rotten! A great guy. Everyone is sad he died. I can see why Mustang really appreciated Hughes. He was such a great and kind hearted friend 😄. Made everyone feel better.

Miles; ok actually really cool. I get that 1/4th “other” feeling. Idk why but he’s really interesting. Looks cool :) he’s gonna help save Amestris AND the Ishvalans.

Scar; I I understand his anger. He’s very human and I appreciate that Hiromu Arakawa highlights his humanity despite his wrathfulness. He made a lot of horrible mistakes but we all know he’s on a path of redemption. He really likes cute things :3

Buccaneer; loyal as hell tough guy 🤣 acts so mean on the surface; but is actually nice and just wants SOMEONE to notice how much he cares lmao.

Kimblee; what the fuck? Kinda reminds me of the Boltons from ASOIAF. Long black straight hair pale faced and creepy as hell. Complete psycho and bloodthirsty as hell lmaoooo.

[lumiereandcogsworth]

hey lumi! I just thought of another question I wanted to ask you, other than batb, which live action remake do you think is the best? I haven't seen any and I want an expert opinion 😄

oh my gosh!!!!! i’m so honored. and i’m also SO autistic so i did so much more here than you asked. but anyway i wanted to wait to answer this until today because the little mermaid (2023) just dropped on disney+ and i JUST watched it for the first time. so i can include it in my list!!

of course prefacing with these are all my personal opinions, im not a film expert (and i pray to God i never am) i just like what i like! so without further ado: my thoughts! also this is just in chronological order, not ranked.

alice in wonderland (2010) - dude!! this was SUCH a hyperfixation for me when i was a kid. somehow, batb 2017 is NOT the first live action disney movie i’ve been utterly obsessed with. this movie is so good. i love the lightly gothic, mysterious fantasy aesthetic that is has. i love the wardrobe, i want to wear every outfit alice wears. i love how dark it is, like there’s such an edge to it while still being pleasant and fun enough to respectably be a disney movie. johnny depp does a fantastic job of course, (purely discussing his acting abilities here) he truly brings the madness into the mad hatter. all the acting is fantastic though. i highly recommend this film. you don’t really need to have seen the 1951 cartoon, i hadn’t, but it doesn’t hurt to! (i don’t recommend the sequel, alice through the looking glass, though. they really should’ve quit while they were ahead on this one)

maleficent (2014) & maleficent: mistress of evil (2019) - i enjoyed both of these!! i actually liked the second one more, but either way, it’s such a fun take on sleeping beauty. and this is coming from someone who LOVES sleeping beauty 1959!! it’s different obviously but it really is a good time, absolutely worth watching.

cinderella (2015) - beautiful! lovely!! not the most exciting film honestly but i do love the aesthetics and wardrobe. it’s a really pretty, pleasant movie. i’d love to rewatch it sometime! if only disney+ had it! which it doesn’t! for some inexplicable reason!!

beauty and the beast (2017) - i know you said besides my wife but obviously i have to still list it because. that’s my wife. anyway perfect film no notes!

the nutcracker and the four realms (2018) - i wanted to like this one so much more than i did. but it was just, so weird. it derails from canon in a way that isn’t enjoyable. ah. twas a let down, for me.

christopher robin (2018) - i don’t remember much honestly but it’s cute!! certainly worth a watch, but i don’t recall anything too special about it. it did make me cry though (that’s not hard for me to do at movies, to be fair)

mary poppins returns (2018) - CANNOT RECOMMEND ENOUGH!! THIS MOVIE IS LIKE IF JOY WAS TURNED INTO A FILM!!!! AAAHHH!!! :) SO LOVELY SO WONDERFUL!!!

the lion king (2019) - :/ genuinely not worth your time. it was TOO similar to the cartoon in terms of storyline, so it felt incredibly pointless to me. plus, it’s kind of boring that they look like real lions. i felt like i was watching animal planet but then pulled out of reality whenever they spoke or sang afjskfj

aladdin (2019) - ever since i saw this, i’ve only ever had three takeaways, and i’ll say them like a compliment sandwich. 1. visually STUNNING. the colors and the choreography, the people! all very beautiful. 2. the romance was… very flat? i honestly kept forgetting there was a love story going on. when they kiss at the end i was like “OOOHHH RIGHT!!” lmao. there’s just so much other stuff going on, jasmine & aladdin’s love story really fell to the wayside for me. 3. i LOVED that they gave jasmine her own song. she’s like the only disney princess that didn’t have her own song, somehow, so i was happy they gave her one and it was SO good. i remember it giving me chills on the first listen. — so, all in all, it was fine. not the worst but also not a personal favorite. worth a watch.

mulan (2020) - BLEGH sorry i almost threw up a little. maybe the worst live action remake of all time? let’s think: what are the best parts of mulan 1998? the music? mushu? shang’s bisexuality? shang, in general?? WELL LOOK NO FURTHER BECAUSE THIS HAS NONE OF THAT!!! :) it’s genuinely just… so bad. they took the basic concept and turned it into a freaky ass action movie. they make it so mulan was like, gifted from a young age with superhuman abilities (calling it chi, which, i don’t know the full story but i believe there was some major cultural appropriation that occured) instead of just being a normal badass human!!! and it wasn’t the villain from the cartoon it was a random witch. nothing made sense and it was stripped of everything that makes mulan one of the greatest disney films of all time. *godfather voice* look how they massacred my boy.

the little mermaid (2023) - so honestly i never really liked the original cartoon. it just never clicked with me. but i had every bit of hope that this one would maybe bring it to life for me!! and… well, it wasn’t bad! it was visually lovely and the music was fun. i just don’t think i’m a “love at first sight” kind of person. but eric was an incredibly likable nerd boy, sebastian the crab was funny, and ursula was SCARY. especially at the end oh my gosh???? anyway. worth a watch, but not my personal cup of tea. ariel and eric get points for dancing a bit AND they hugged at the end which was really sweet. couples Do Not hug enough in media.

lastly, i can’t comment on: peter pan & wendy (2023), the jungle book (2016), dumbo (2019), lady and the tramp (2019), and cruella (2021), because i have not seen them. i will absolutely note though that i despise cruella 2021 in solidarity with my friend @freakwiththeknifecollection because it blatantly disregards the canon of 101 dalmatians 1961 and they couldn’t even like?? train the dogs?? for ONE scene?? huge huge mess. i’m just scratching the surface. if you want a live action cruella, look no further than 101 dalmatians 1996. top tier live action that i loved as a kid!!

[calciumcryptid]

CalciumWatches: Never Let Me Go Episode One

This is a very dramatic opening.

Oh, hello daddy issues. That was quick. Not even a minute in.

Nueng: I understand I am not as important to my dad as his work is. // Mom: I'm glad you understand him. :) // Me: Wow.

The father does look punchable. I hope he gets punched.

Eighteen and already put to work. Damn. Rip Nueng.

His father is setting me aflame with anger.

There is going to be an arranged marriage sub-plot isn't there? I can sense it.

Oh, so the father has someone to carry his umbrella but his wife and son have to carry their own? I see how it is.

At least he is self-aware about being a shit dad.

Hmm, that is a suspicious amount of women in the cast. My arranged marriage plot line senses are tingling.

Oh, daddy dearest is dead? I said punched, not shot.

Damn. Okay. Wow. What???

Hmm, the intro is not helping my arranged-marriage senses.

His father JUST died, give the kid two seconds.

Since his father is out of the picture, can I be his step-parent? Nueng, no offense, but your mother is hot.

Oh good, I have a name for his mother. Hellooo Tanya.

The hottest woman, even though she is probably going to cause some mommy issues.

Who is this mysterious man? Men?

Sleeveless Pond, save me. Save me sleeveless Pond.

There is nothing hotter than a person in a white tank top.

I see Palm is a dramatic bitch. Lovely.

DAD???

NOT THE WHITE SHOES- I see you rich brat.

Oh, the pseudo-uncle is going to die.

Damn. No friends. Friendless.

I wonder if there is going to be a secondary couple in this.

I think I am supposed to be paying attention to the music club leader dude's obvious fat crush, but I am too distracted by the Christmas tree.

Oh, there is going to be some homoerotic shooting lessons aren't there?

Palm!

There is something up with Uncle Chanon. :/

Interesting first meeting.

Is one of the problems an arranged marriage (please say no).

Oh, Palm is smitten. You can't convince me otherwise.

[ Ad from where Legal Site got the Episode: Wait, hold on. When did this come out? 2022? When did KinnPorsche come out? Also 2022. That explains why I got a MileApo jumpscare (affectionate). ]

Nueng, why are you holding a gun? We both know you can't use it.

Right into the pool, standing close and awkward while on is half-naked. This is a bizarre thing to do with a man you met like not even twenty-four hours ago.

Oh, so Pond has the kicked puppy look patented.

Once again, bizarre thing to say to a guy you met not even twenty-four hours ago.

Oh, yay, Palm is having fun! Get that bag.

Nueng, why are you lurking?

Palm, why are you following?

Okay Boys Love. I am pretty sure the logistics of that happening are not in the narrative's favor. It is very funny, they both have a startled dog look but like Palm may naturally put his hand there but their bodies are not-

Sorry Nueng, I'm fairly sure you have a dog now.

Oh, the real uncle(?) emerges.

Tanya is a queen. I want her carnally.

Uncle Kit, as in fox kits?

Uncle Kit, that is a bizarre thing to say.

He isn't going to try and marry Tanya is he?

Oh that kid who followed him earlier is probably his son, isn't it? He wants to take over the business and have his son in line? Damn.

NOT THE FATHERS DAY EVENT! FOUL! VILE! EVIL SERIES!

Already offering to catch you, what a nice man.

That is like three boys love too close shots in one episode??? Damn.

I take it back, Nueng's father seemed absent but nice.

Oh damn, he was shot on his birthday. My brain skipped over that detail.

Oh, Nueng has a brain. Lovely. When are his braincells held hostage?

How am I suppose to feel about Nueng's dad? I can't tell.

That is the fourth time they've gotten very close together. Magnets.

Wait, no, this is so sad. Why is Nueng's request Palm being his friend? What is with these sad businessman, when I am I going to get a happy businessman? (Well, I guess Kinn was happy but in the dark romantic comedy way.)

Thanks dad for drafting me into being your boss son's bodyguard.

Hello Chopper, can't wait to meet you. I bet you are evil.

The face Nueng pulled when Ben got closer to him in the preview. I love this one specific face Phuwin makes. It is amazing.

[no-side-us]

Letters From Watson Liveblog - May 5

The Naval Treaty, Part 2 of 4

Nepotism? In my old British government? It's more likely than you think.

A naval treaty, if you will. I'd be curious to know how the readers of the time reacted to the information here about French fleets and alliances with Italy and what not, cause it seems to be pretty important if true.

The chart is appreciated. I wonder if Watson had the original drawing of the chart published, or if he redrew it himself later on after all the time that has passed.

Maybe it was the wind? The back of the clerk's room looks out to the lane below, so maybe some wind blew in, rang the bell, and whooshed the original out the window.

Fun fact: shirt cuffs used to be quite disposable so people would make notes on them and detach them later. Link to the post where I learned this. This isn't even the only time Sherlock would write notes on his cuffs.

The commissionaire's wife seems pretty suspicious at the moment, running off at the same time the treaty disappeared. Or is it too suspicious, cause what sort of thief makes their presence known and runs away at the same time something is stolen. Then again, it's an old woman, so perhaps she's not that great a thief. Then again, it's an old woman, so why would she be a thief in the first place.

A real mystery, this one.

It's always nice when the client thinks ahead as much as Holmes does, at least in some instances.

Well there goes the wind theory. Unless of course the wind shut the window as it blew in and out, and the force of the window coming down caused it to fasten itself. Sherlock Holmes mysteries have had more obtuse answers than this one, is all I'm saying.

A modern Sherlock Holmes would be able to smell the different flavors of someone's vaping, and probably know the brand of vape, the amount, where it was bought, etc. A modern Sherlock Holmes would probably also vape himself.

I'm sure Watson knows very well that Phelps was a sensitive kid. After all, he had a hand in making him like that.

I love when Holmes acts out of character for Watson, cause it could mean any number of things, but rarely is it ever because he's actually changing his behavior as Watson presumes.

Honestly, I'd be pretty disappointed too if I were expecting a great mystery-solving detective and instead got a thirteenth century monk trying to pass the time between bad haircuts. Though obviously Holmes is doing this for some specific reason.

Holmes is such a mischievous character at times. There was no reason he had to pause after saying that. He knew what it sounded like, he just wanted to make fun.

This sounds like such a British way of saying you're in a fever. "Oh, I'll just be in a fever in the meanwhile, no hurry."

At least Phelps has no illusions about his being fired, even with an uncle in the government. If he were a worse person, I could see him crying about his dismissal because of his uncle's position.

Conclude? E-mail? I thought this was a four-part series of letters. Looks like Watson's catching up with the times in his old age.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

[animebw]

Short Reflection: Pluto

Naoki Urasawa is fascinated with the darkness of childhood imagination.

Admittedly, I've only watched two anime based on his work so far- Madhouse's masterclass adaptation of Monster and now this- so I can't say how common a thread it is in his other stories. But even just from those two, his fixation on twisting childhood into something sinister and unsettling is undeniable. Nursery rhymes and half-remembered country folk songs repurposed as grim omens of doom, picture books foreshadowing real world nightmares, the innocence of his child characters and childlike imagery juxtaposed against a creeping darkness that seems born from the pits of hell itself... the mind of a kid is frequently the most terrifying place to be in Urasawa's work. Whether there's any greater meaning to it or if it's just something he things is cool, I don't know. But it certainly makes him the ideal artist for a story like Pluto. Who else but a guy like him could take one of Japan's most iconic mascots of childhood fun and use his world as the basis of a serious minded political/philosophical thriller that seeks to explore the nature of hatred itself?

Now, as someone who only knows Astro Boy by reputation and has never so much as seen a single episode of any show bearing his name, I can't comment on this story's relation to its source material. Luckily, I don't need to; Pluto is fully stand-alone and you don't need to know a scrap of Astro Boy lore to understand or appreciate it. Although I imagine it would make some of the goofier robot designs a little less immersion-breaking. I dunno, there's something inherently funny about seeing Urasawa's grounded, realistic style of character and world design, his thickly textured and non-exaggerated human faces with realistic proportions and naturalistic wear and tear, next to some of these robots looking like they were pulled straight out of a Saturday morning cartoon. It makes me wonder how certain American cartoons would look if given this treatment. Imagine if someone, like, re-imagined The Powerpuff Girls this way, and you had to see these realistic child versions of Blossom et al next to Mojo Jojo or whatever. Oh well, it would probably be better than that CW show they cancelled, at least.

But I'm getting off track. Pluto is a story about a futuristic sci-fi world where robotics have gotten advanced enough for robots and humans to life side-by-side as part of the same civilization. Every year, it seems, robots and humans are growing closer together, to the point where people are genuinely starting to wonder if there's still any meaningful difference between them. But the seeming peace is shattered by a mysterious attacker, an unknown, unseen killer targeting the seven strongest robots in the world and destroying them one by one. One of these robots, a Europol detective named Gesicht with a robot wife of his own, decides to dedicate himself to tracking this killer down. But as his journey takes him all over the world, meeting countless different robots and humans all with their own bit of commentary to offer on the relationship between man and machine, we slowly peel back the sins this world is built on, uncovering a darkness much greater than a single mysterious killer... and a hatred that may change the nature of robotkind as we know it.

It's a heady, thought-provoking affair, and despite my jokes earlier in the review, it's shockingly good at justifying its bizarre premise. The world feels real and lived-in, from its complex alt-history to its eerily familiar present. It feels like a world that would arise from robots growing increasingly close to humans, and it makes all its musings on the distinction between them genuinely compelling. What would anti-robot bigotry look like in such an accepting time? What things would come naturally to humans that might be impossible for robots, and vice-versa? How would the presence of highly advanced AI effect the political history of warfare and diplomacy? And, most unnervingly, what new atrocities could result from a world this advanced? It's a show that's deeply interested in what ultimately makes us human, and what it would take for an inhuman machine to be considered human as well. But it's also interested in what is already inhuman about us, and if there's anything we, in turn, can learn about our own humanity from a "species" still living just outside it. And while there's plenty of action throughout its run, it's not afraid to take its time on conversations and machinations to really let those ideas settle.

Of course, it's been many years since the manga this was based on was published, and those kinds of "Can a robot learn to feel?" questions have been pretty beaten to death in other media that's come out since then. These days, a story can come off as pretty corny trying to tackle such topis. And truth be told, Pluto can't help but make you roll your eyes with its attempt to explore these ideas a lot of the time. Some of that's due to the oversaturation I just mentioned, but some of that's down to Pluto itself being a very corny show, in ways I don't think it's really aware of. It tends to deliver its story in the most on-the-nose, telegraphed way imaginable.This cranky old musician doesn't think robots can understand art but watch as he learns how to feel again! This robot just wants to paint pictures of flowers but his inner nature as a brutal rage machine is dragging him down! People make promises to their family to see them again right before they're brutally killed! You can see every emotional beat coming miles away but it still expects you to be surprised when it finally arrives there. And considering that the tension of uncertainty is one of the most important parts of any good thriller, it kinda makes it hard to get invested at points.

Sadly, that isn't the only problem holding Pluto back from greatness. Aside from the corny delivery, a lot of plot points feel pretty contrived and stupid, the hand of the author shoving the pieces across the game board with little regard to making sure it feels natural. I also don't think structure this show as eight hour-long Netflix specials was good for the pacing; it means every episode meanders over countless subplots that don't always fit together smoothly and melt into a sludge of Things Happening with little connective tissue to justify putting them together. You can practically see the points where there would be episode breaks if they were a normal 24-minute length, but then they just keep going into what feels like an entirely new episode with no breathing room. So it ends up feeling like a 24 episode show Frankensteined together into a series of bloated triple-length episode booster packs, rather than a story carefully curated to take advantage of its extended episode runtime.

And yet, for all its faults, I found myself getting drawn back in over and over again. Say what you will about Urasawa, the man knows how to keep your eyes glued to the screen. And for all the shows and movies I've seen exploring what it takes for a robot to be human, Pluto's take is still unique and fascinating enough to be worth the watch. It's nowhere near the simple, offensive allegories of, say, Detroit Become Human, nor is it so intellectual that it robs the story of its humanity. It's a genuine attempt to contend with humanity in its entirety, light and darkness alike, and what we may need to sacrifice- or what we might gain- by bringing artificial intelligence over the threshold to join us. It also helps that it looks fantastic; aside from a few moments that just plain look ugly (Atom's first fight with the mysterious killer made my eyes hurt, I swear), the thick lines and fluid animation bring this world to life in stunning fashion. Even outside the impressive action scenes, Pluto is a show worth looking at. Sometimes, that sweet Netflix money hits just right.

Is Pluto a great anime? I'd argue no; it's got too many basic issues holding it back. In my opinion, Monster is a superior Urasawa offering, and I didn't even particularly love that show either. But masterpiece or no, Pluto is a work of remarkable ambition, and it demands your attention regardless of its faults. It's a thoughtful, potent, sometimes frustrating, often eye-rolling, but always compelling work of sci-fi reimagining, proof that even something as simple as a cartoon robot with rockets on its feet can be fertile ground for so much more. And I give Pluto a score of:

6.5/10

And now we wait to see if Netflix struck gold again with its upcoming Scott Pilgrim adaptation. See you next time!

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: West Coast Avengers #37: Avengers Disassemble!

October, 1988

The team is TORN APART -- and this MYSTERY WOMAN is about to make matters WORSE!

Dammit, Mantis!

Stop throwing gas on the fire, apparently?!

And stop ripping the cover and unsettling the issue box! What will happen if the Comics Code seal of approval falls out?

I’m guessing the fallout of Mockingbird/Hawkeye’s divorce is gonna fall out here and they’re going to split up the kids.

Last time in West Coast Avengers: due to secret Russian internet chatter, Hank Pym became convinced his dead deceased wife Maria Trovoya was actually alive. When the West Coast Avengers were ambushed by a bunch of old Ant-Man villains and Quicksilver when they went to Hungary to investigate, I assumed that it was a ruse to lure the Avengers into a trap. Because Scarlet Witch and Vision had also been baited into a trap.

BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT HANK PYM’S FIRST WIFE IS ALIVE AND HAS A MASSIVE BRAIN. Hank is going to quit the team to try to help reverse the giant braining of his first wife.

ALSO: When the West Coast Avengers went to the past times, Mockingbird got kidnapped by a cowboy who drugged her into being his girlfriend. When other cowboys helped her fight off the drugs, she pursued the first cowboy, Phantom Rider, and confronted him. This resulted in Phantom Rider falling off a cliff and Mockingbird not attempting to save him. Because: fuck that guy.

Except it turns out that he became a real phantom and has decided to haunt Mockingbird for rudely manslaughtering him. And when it looked like Mockingbird would come clean to Hawkeye about what happened, Phantom Rider spilled the beans himself, and framed the story to make Mockingbird look really bad.

Hawkeye was Big Mad that Mockingbird killed manslaughtered someone because Avengers Don’t Kill Or Through Inaction Allow A Person To Die and also because she hid it from him. Both Hawkeye and Mockingbird are stubborn, prideful people so the discussion immediately escalates into an argument where Hawkeye fires Mockingbird from the Avengers and Mockingbird fires him from the marriage.

It be like that.

And even after a long flight back from Hungary, they’re still fighting.

Geez, you two, not in front of the teammates!

Look at Tigra! She’s agitated!

Wasp is trying to play peacemaker. Trying very hard.

Hawkeye: “She admits she let the Phantom Rider die, Jan!”

Wasp: “That’s not the same as killing him! Besides, he’s a ghost, so he’s not dead!”

Mockingbird: “He is dead! I let him fall because he deserved it and I don’t apologize!”

Wasp: “I’m trying to help you, Bobbi!”

See. Both stubborn, both prideful.

Hawkeye even says that Wasp has nothing to do with this. She’s just a special guest star, not a West Coast Avenger and definitely not the chairman.

He IS the chairman so he makes the decisions!

(Maybe its different in the West Coast Avengers but the East Coast Avengers used court martials, not just uncontested decree from the chairman. According to the original Avengers charter, it requires a two-thirds vote to expel an Avenger - I’m pretty sure Mockingbird has the support but then Hawkeye would probably rage-quit.)

Mockingbird: “This isn’t because I let a creep pay for what he did to me -- something most husbands would hate, too --”

Hawkeye: “I hate it -- you bet I do -- but I don’t condone death as any answer for anything!”

Mockingbird: “But death isn’t the issue! It’s the fact that I didn’t tell you about it!”

Hawkeye: “You didn’t just not tell me -- ! You lied about it, to my face --”

At this point, Hank jumps in and says okay you, Bobbi, go over there out of yelling range. Me, Hank, will take Hawkeye over here and bum him out with divorce stories.

Oh my god, Hank.

Vision joins this weird huddle to go tell Hawkeye how much marriage rocks, actually. Scarlet Witch and Tigra go to talk to Bobbi.

Scarlet Witch is currently married. Tigra was married but her husband Bill died. So everyone has opinions here.

Well, Wasp, Wonder Man, and Moon Knight hang out in the middle. I assume Wasp is tired of people not listening to her and isn’t joining either huddle. Wonder Man and Moon Knight aren’t married... as far as I know. Hell, maybe Wonder Man did have a wife before he did crime and then died. But he was dead long enough for the relationship to be legally over.

But I’m pretty sure that he wasn’t married.

Wonder Man: “Wasp -- Jan -- is it written down somewhere, this rule about not killing?”

Moon Knight: “Yes! I am new to the Avengers! How serious is Mockingbird’s infraction?”

Wasp: “Well... it is written down, in a charter we drew up years ago...! But Bobbi’s right, Simon -- Clint’s reaction is more his wounded pride than anything else! If I were your chair, I’d let it go!”

As far as I can tell, the Avengers charter doesn’t explicitly say Thou Shalt Not Kill. It says that Avengers won’t take upon themselves any aspect of the punishment process.

I really don’t know where manslaughtering a cowboy falls into that.

But it doesn’t really matter because Hawkeye is just deciding things and Mockingbird is loudly also deciding to gtfo because fuck that guy.

Anyway, the separate pep talks didn’t work.

Hawkeye and Mockingbird get back to yelling at each other and then Mockingbird decides to g t f o.

And she’s taking half the team in the divorce.

I thought I was joking about that but it turns out that I wasn’t.

Tigra decides to go with Mockingbird because even though she decided against doing a murder in the ‘Tigra too horny’ story arc, she cat nature tells her that sometimes killing is necessary.

Moon Knight also decides to stick with Mockingbird. He doesn’t explain himself but he has already expressed support for the idea that sometimes killing is necessary and his god (i.e. him) is the god of vengeance.

I kind of feel like making this about whether or not murder is okay sometimes misses the point that it was a) manslaughter at best, and b) not even really about the killing, its about Hawkeye’s hurt pride that Mockingbird didn’t confide in him and his decision that means that he can’t trust her and his unilateral decree kicking her off the team.

Hawkeye protests that they can’t just split up the team but Mockingbird shoots back that HE is the one who split the team.

She kinda has a point.

I think that’s probably why the East Coast Avengers do the court martial process with 2/3rds vote required to boot someone for bad behavior. It makes sure that half the team won’t split because they think the bad behavior wasn’t so bad.

You fucked this up, Hawkeye.

Mockingbird offers anyone else the opportunity to join team Mockingbird.

Dr Pym... I don’t know why he has an opinion. He’s leaving the team either way. He’s not going with Mockingbird but he also offers a kind of support. Reflecting on how he formed the Avengers and helped form the rules and then broke the rules and got thrown out (actually, he quit before he could be judged but it didn’t look good for him). And that he came back. “Not because I made the Avengers, but because the Avengers made me!”

Wonder Man also says no. He was ready to leave the Avengers recently and focus more on being a movie star. But the movie star life is shallow and he’s happy that he’s doing good, real work with the Avengers.

Hawkeye, who has an opinion, of course he does, reflects that he killed someone as an Avenger. Remember that time? He killed Egghead? But it was an accident and that’s an important distinction! (Kinda like how Mockingbird didn’t murder the cowboy, just didn’t save him. Which feels like a distinction too. But whatever.) He wants the team to stay together but he’s not willing to budge. Avengers should never kill!

-laughs in hindsight-

Wasp says she understands where Mockingbird was coming from because Phantom Rider was a dangerous, obsessed cowboy and saving his life is not required behavior. But she’s also not going to undermine Hawkeye. He’s the chairman, she’s a guest star.

Vision says that he’s not an Avenger currently but he doesn’t doubt that one day he and Scarlet Witch will return to duty. But he says that if it were up to him, he’d call this a leave and not a firing. And he’s willing to nag Hawkeye a lot until he agrees.

(You’re a character, Vision.)

Scarlet Wanda just speaks of marriage. “Some marriages run smoother than others -- I can’t give you any advice -- but marriage -- joining male and female -- is an ancient and sacred ceremony precisely because neither one alone is as good as the couple! And both sides have to give!”

Feel like she’s calling someone out on being stubborn.

Also feels like gay marriage would have blown her mind but she’s a lot more mellow these days.

Ha. Awkward.

Hank can’t let the awkward moment hang because he’s got places to be. He taps Hawkeye on the shoulder and tells him he’s gonna mosey on. Gotta get started on debrainifying his super wife.

He offers to come help if Hawkeye ever needs a two-fisted science adventurer but Hawkeye tells Hank to take all the time he needs because he’s paid his due to the Avengers and deserves a chance at happiness.

-laughs in different hindsight-

Because it seems like the time for it, Wasp also announces that she’s leaving. Or ending her guest starring, I guess.

She came to help the team during the rough period of Iron Man leaving and becoming an international incident but she feels like maybe she hasn’t helped out.

(I suspect that its also because nobody is listening to her. She might as well go on vacation)

Hawkeye: “You’re really let what Bobbi did go -- ? Including the part where she lied to me?”

Wasp: “I would! She’s not you, Clint! She never will be you! That’s not a wife’s -- or an Avenger’s -- job!”

Hawkeye kinda admitted that the real problem was Mockingbird not confiding in him.

So I don’t think focusing on the do Avengers kill/manslaughter is the way.

Get out of here, Wasp, you nut!

Hank walks her out.

Wasp reiterates that they weren’t legally married (-angry noises-) and finally gives Hank that hug he’s been wanting.

Wasp: “It’s easier being friends now, isn’t it -- with the past wiped away?”

ITS NOT WIPED AWAY

GAH!

Anyway.

Inside the West Coast Avengers Compound, Mockingbird tosses her Avengers communicator, defense grid deactivator, and ID card on the couch.

She’s not giving Hawkeye any reason to come after her, claiming she broke rules by not turning them in.

Moon Knight decides to share his thoughts on whether Avengers should do a murder.

Moon Knight: “It is stupid, Mockingbird -- this prohibition against killing! The history of man is the history of murder!”

Tigra: “That’s a little heavy, Moonie! I just think you have to go with the laws of nature! Some of the people we fight are really dangerous! Like that guy we just faced -- the Voice! Maria silenced him, but what happens if her mental block wears off someday?”

Mockingbird isn’t really interested in olde West Coast Avengers business. Instead, she asks Moon Knight and Tigra to form a team with her.

Moon Knight agrees because he wants to help her if Phantom Rider comes back.

Tigra suggests they call themselves the Ex-Whackos, which Mockingbird laughs off as sounding like a mutant group.

She tables the name and Phantom Rider for now.

Mockingbird has another thing she wants to address. She snatched an incoming message from the Fantastic Four forwarded by the East Coast Avengers off the computer.

Master Pandemonium showed up at the South Pole in Fantastic Four #314-315. His first appearance since that whole arc with the cat people in West Coast Avengers. Turns out he got trapped on Arcturus IV after doggy piling out on the demonic river.

As it happens, Steve Englehart is also writing Fantastic Four, thus explaining why Master P showed up in that book.

Anyway, Mockingbird wants to check it out.

Tigra: “We may be Ex-Whackos, but we’re still heroes, no matter what anybody says!”

Meanwhile, outside Hawkeye is grappling with now having a team consisting of just himself and Wonder Man.

Resignedly, he assumes that Scarlet Witch and Vision will be leaving too, what with the kids.

They surprise him by saying that they don’t want to leave him with just Wonder Man. Two people isn’t a team.

Wanda suggests that she and Vision will take turns being the superhero parent and the stay-at-home parent.

Hawkeye is really excited and proclaims that this is what the Avengers spirit is! He’s not wrong to uphold those standards!

(We’ve established though that your real problem was more about wounded pride but whatever.)

Wonder Man is also excited that he’ll get to spend more time with Vision. They haven’t gotten a chance to really bond after coming to the conclusion that they’re brothers, actually.

Wanda opportunistically jumps in and suggests that maybe sometimes Wonder Man can watch the kids so both Scarlet Witch and Vision can be with the team.

Good hustle, Wanda!

This is all good. I love Scarlet Witch and Vision. But Hawkeye can do the math.

Hawkeye: “Still -- that’s only three or four of us! When I had five I used to worry about not being powerful enough! I know me an’ Wanda, Cap an’ Quicksilver were the whole team once, but that was when there weren’t many Avengers!”

He muses about finding Iron Man but is interrupted by the arrival of the Real Star.

IIIIIIIIITS MANTIS!

She’s green, she’s wearing a tassled skirt, and she doesn’t believe in shoes!

It’s Swordsman’s Girlfriend, Mantis!

Y’know, the one who married a tree.

Most of these guys haven’t seen her since she flew off into space on her tree honeymoon and Wonder Man has never met her but has heard a lot.

She got into the grounds when Mockingbird et al were leaving.

And Hawkeye is thrilled to see her because he is going to recruit the hell out of her. And Wanda is annoyed because she remembers Mantis trying to be a homewrecker between her and Vision.

I’m really only surprised that it took this long for Englehart to try to bring Mantis back into things. He has a habit of taking her wherever he goes.

Anyway, Wonder Man introduces himself and shakes her hand, saying he’s glad to meet Mantis.

Upon which she tosses him on his ass and starts jump kicking everyone.

If you were wondering why I didn’t have an image of her showing up, its because a page later there was an image of her kicking people. And I liked that one better. Because of the kicking.

Hawkeye: “What the ding-dong blazes?!!”

Hah, just say what the fuck, Hawkeye.

He asks her if she’s under mind control or something but she doesn’t answer. He shoots some arrows at her but she just catches the smoke and tear gas arrows out of midair and then uses them to blind Wonder Man when he tries to tackle her.

Wonder Man: “My eyes are filled with ionic energy, but they’re still eyes!!”

That’s a mighty weaksauce weakness, sir.

Sitting on his back, she steers him with his belt jets and rams him into Hawkeye.

An interaction that Hawkeye comes off the worse for, by far.

His eyes clear, Wonder Man tries to get her for making him look like a fool chump but she punches him in the solar plexus and then baits him into knocking a tree down on himself.

While he’s pinned, she uses a nerve jab to paralyze him.

Sure!

Apparently nerve hits even worked on Thor so why not!

This just leaves Scarlet Witch and Vision.

Wanda asks what Mantis’ deeeeeeal is? Why is she here? Why isn’t she hanging out with her plant husband that she married and went to space with?

Mantis doesn’t know though.

Also, she kicks Scarlet Witch so her hex bolt hits Vision, knocking him out of the air.

Mantis is really making fool chumps out of this entire small group of Avengers.

Scarlet Witch yells at Mantis, asking where her empathy is for a robot man that she once claimed to love.

Kinda weird angle to take on things but okay.

Mantis: “Empathy is denied this one -- it is one of the reasons she came to you! But now, her victory must not be denied!”

Wonder Man unparalyzes and tries lunging at Mantis again. But she hops on top and knocks him to the ground.

Hawkeye finally recovers his senses and dazedly thinks that this is similar, sorta, to the situation in Hungary where one Avenger had to fight the rest.

And from there, he just jumps to an incredibly bizarre conclusion based on zero supporting evidence. I’m so, so mad that he turns out to be right.

Like in a fever dream, Hawkeye speculates an insane situation where the Voice escaped Maria Trovoya’s mental block against using his powers, followed the West Coast Avengers to California, and happened to mind control Mantis when she happened to show up.

I am livid that this is the actual plot to this comic.

While Mantis continues to beat seven kinds of hell out of Vision, Scarlet Witch, and Wonder Man, Hawkeye wanders off, hops the wall, sneaks through the forest surrounding the compound, and does, indeed, find the Voice lurking outside.

God dammit.

The Voice: “Maria Trovaya’s control of her mind was almost infinite -- but she was new to its use, and I’ve honed control of my voice to its sharpest edge! Every night since the Hungarians gave me back my power, I told myself again and again to throw off any attempt at brainwashing! All those nights I thought I was protecting myself from a falling out with them -- but when Maria struck, and Quicksilver had to go meekly back to the Inhumans on the Moon -- the Voice alone could see his way clear to final victory! I was free to leave Hungary -- free to fly to California and wait for my chance to turn Avenger against Avenger -- which came sooner than I could have hoped, with the arrival of an unsuspecting, and even distracted, Mantis!”

OKAY.

SO THAT IS APPARENTLY THE PLOT WE’RE GOING WITH.

Two things: why are we going with this plot?

Yeah, it’s good to have an excuse to have Mantis show her stuff. I presume that she’s about to join the team. But there’s so many ways to justify it.

Two: how did he know that Mantis could solo the team? He doesn’t know the team was breaking up. Sure, he might have seen Mockingbird, Moon Knight, and Tigra leaving. Mantis did say she saw them on the way out.

But that still leaves Hawkeye, Wonder Man, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Dr Pym, the Wasp, and MARIA HERSELF possibly inside.

Thing the third, yes, I did add another one: the dude lucked out with Mantis showing up. Instead of having her try to beat up an indeterminate amount of Avengers, why didn’t he just have her lure them out to him? Where he could mind control them all?

This guy is an idiot.

Didn’t even bring anyone to watch his back. He can literally control randos to stand lookout for him and he doesn’t think of it.

Hawkeye tries to talk up what a terror this guy is despite all the grumbling I just did about nuh uh.

Hawkeye, to himself: “How can anybody ever beat this guy? His power is absolutely irresistable if he gets a chance to use it on ya!”

You, specifically, Hawkeye, could turn your hearing aids off. In fact, you’re an idiot if you haven’t done that for this encounter.

Hawkeye, to himself: “I could solve the problem by killing him, of course -- but whatever his power, it ain’t a capital crime! Bobbi’s wrong, darn it! Besides, if I killed him, I couldn’t use him for my purposes...!”

Why are you still relitigating this??

And that wasn’t even the debate that you were supposedly having! She killed ONE cowboy that did something unforgivable to her. And she didn’t even kill him. She manslaughtered a cowboy! It’s not like she became Wolverine and started advocating murder as the first and only solution to all of her problems!

Don’t bring up the topic if you don’t have anything relevant to say!

Back at the fight, Wonder Man solves a problem like Mantis by just grabbing her wrists while she’s beating the shit out of Wanda and then hoisting her into the air so she has no leverage.

She can kick his shins all she likes but he’s a break outhouse of ionic energy and without the nerve pinches, she can’t do much about it.

We barely need Hawkeye to arrive with the solution at this point, even though he does anyway.

Hawkeye forces the Voice to say “Mantis, return to normal” and nothing else. And then Scarlet Witch scarlet witches him so he can’t say anything else for a while.

They’ll call the Vault later where the prison scientists there can figure out how to safely hold him.

Mantis apologizes to Hawkeye for all the trouble. Just like Hawkeye’s random guess, the Voice did mind control Mantis when she happened to show up. And she’s bummed about it.

And when Hawkeye says he’s just glad she’s back to normal, she bursts out that no, she’s not normal, and she needs the Avengers to tell her what normal is!

So the plot thickens, on the last page.

Mantis woke up two days ago in a house that she apparently owns and no memory of anything since she saw the Avengers last.

Her magical superpower of empathy with people and plants has also vanished so she couldn’t even interrogate the houseplants!

So she went to Avengers Mansion to talk to them, only find out that Avengers Mansion is gone.

A police officer on scene tells her that it’s been moved to Hydrobase, which Mantis is like whatever that means.

This is a really well-informed police officer too because he brings up the West Coast Avengers’ recent Zodiac adventures and that Mantis’ dad Libra was killed by the robot Zodiac.

(It’ll turn out that he survived, he’s just having a snooze.)

Since Mantis isn’t going looking for whatever a Hydrobase is, she decides might as well get on a plane, fly to California, and ask the West Coast Avengers for help!

Hawkeye responds by yelling AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

Which, I think, in his mind means ‘no sweat, when you’re here, you’re family.’

Okay. So a lot of changes here.

A lot of changes that I don’t really know how to feel about.

It’s not an Avengers book if things aren’t being shaken up. And in fact, the West Coast Avengers roster has felt a little static up until Hank and Moon Knight joined.

And now Hank and Moon Knight have left! As have Tigra and Mockingbird.

I will say that after the secret has hung over Mockingbird for so long, the fallout was sufficiently big. She split the team up!

And her little group is apparently going to stay together as a splinter team. Fun!

I kind of wish Hank wasn’t going. For one thing, I’m still annoyed at ‘oh your first wife isn’t dead and that means nothing that happened in our marriage counts!’ But for another, he’d only recently reinvented himself and joined the team. I don’t think he stayed out long enough to wear out his welcome. And his fighting style of pulling random stuff out of his pocketses was fun.

Alas.

I’m not going to complain about Scarlet Witch and Vision being on the team. I like them. I’m not going to complain about Mantis. Against all reason, I like her too.

And not surprised that Englehart brought her back to the Avengers. Guy brings her wherever he goes.

Follow @essential-avengers​. Do it. It’d be a nice thing to do. Like, reblog, and comment too. Also nice things to do.