#'thanks it's been nice to have a couple of days free of anxiety'

[thedreadvampy]

I fucking love my friend!!!!!!!

[shellshocklove]

wet nights | joel miller

pairing/AU: bfd!joel miller x female!reader – no outbreak

summary: getting beer spilled down your dress at your best friend sarah’s birthday party might not have been so bad– not when her dad can help you clean up.

warnings: this is an 18+ fic so mdni! reader is 25 and joel is 47, reader is described as wearing a dress, swearing, use of pet names, oral (m receiving), dirty talk, exhibitionism, praise with a dash of degradation kink, one small touch of your clit, soft dom!joel, use of sir, cum play, no use of y/n

a/n: mom said it was my turn to write bfd!joel lol. basically this is just me wanting to write joel getting his cock and balls sucked bc it's what he deserves 😌 as always thank you to @dustydaddyyy for reading through this for me! and happy reading <3

main masterlist / ao3

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 this account stands with palestine. the creator of tlou is a zionist, and the second game is largly based on israel/palestine. please, everyone who interacts, educate yourself about the genocide happening right now, and support/donate.

Nodding your head to the beat of the music you gulped down a cooling sip of beer. The bar was stuffed to the brim tonight for Sarah’s birthday. Every chair and booth occupied, large groups huddled together against the walls, and a growing crowd of brave, seemingly deep enough down their drinks, dancers moved across the makeshift dance floor. Leaning against the bar right at the end, you were shielded from the continuous line of people looking for a drink to sate their thirst on this hot summer night.

You’d missed Sarah since graduation. She’d moved back to Austin to be closer to her father – a man you had still to meet even after all these years of knowing Sarah. You’d met in undergrad where you’d had a couple of overlapping classes the first year. She’d been one of those people where you’d just clicked, like a hand in a glove, you two just fit together.

Now you had moved to Austin. It wasn’t exactly planned, but you’d applied to a postgraduate program at the University of Texas, not necessarily thinking you’d get in– but then you had. Sarah had been ecstatic when you’d told her. You hadn’t seen her in person in over a year, but you couldn’t wait to live in the same city as your best friend again.

But first, her 25th birthday party.

Tonight would be your first night out as a new Austinite. Sarah had invited all her closest friends and family to her favorite bar to celebrate. You’d dreaded it a little, you weren’t gonna lie. That nagging anxiety had bubbled under your skin all week at the prospect of being the only one at the party who didn’t know anyone already. Sarah had told you not to worry though when you’d voiced your concern to her a few days ago – she’d introduce you to everyone – nothing to worry about, and she’d been right.

All Sarah’s friends had been extremely friendly and nice, and you’d been taken under their wing immediately. Quickly, your anxiety had melted away, condensing into nothing as you’d started to have a good time.

It was deep into the summer, and Austin had shown itself from its hotter side the last few days. Inside the bar everything ran hot, even with the AC on blast and with the amount of people who’d made their way inside in the last hour, looking for a good time on a Saturday night, it never stood a chance.

Trying to cool off you’d excused yourself from your new group of friends to order yourself a cold beer. One of the ACs blew cold air directly towards the bar, keeping the frantic bartenders cool as they pushed out order after order of drinks. You watched them from where you stood perfectly in the wind of the AC, glass raised to your lips when you felt a hard bump against your shoulder.

“Fuck,” you cursed as your full glass of beer spilled all down your front, staining your white summer dress.

“Shit– sorry, sweetheart.” You didn’t have time to react as your beer was lifted out of your wet hand and placed on the rough wood of the bar.

Looking up from your ruined dress you took in your beer thief as he reached across the bar for some napkins. He was older, forties maybe, maybe older if you were to take the sprinkle of salt and pepper in his hair into consideration, but he was gorgeous. A strong jaw and sculptured nose. Clad in a t-shirt and a dark pair of jeans, you thought he looked casual– not like he belonged to the rest of the birthday party. The material of his t-shirt strained against his bicep as he leaned back from over the bar – a stack of napkins now in his hand. Standing to his full height before you, you noticed just how broad he was, and it made a drop of desire pool in your core. 

The man’s previous frantic movements came to a halt as he took you in for the first time; his dark brown eyes rolling down your body and leaving a trail of heat. His fist full of napkins stalled when his eyes landed on your dress, quickly diverting them with a loud clearing of his throat.

“Um– here,” he said, voice strained as he handed you the napkins.

Pulling your eyebrows together in a frown, you looked down at yourself again. The fabric was completely soaked through, and you felt a prickling heat tickle your cheeks as you realized you now looked like a walking ad for a wet t-shirt competition.

“Oh shit,” you muttered, taking the napkins from the man as you tried your best to cover yourself.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart– bumpin’ into ya like that.”

Pressing the napkins to your dress you shook your head at him, “It’s fine– eh,” you looked up from your body.

“Joel,” he introduced himself.

“It’s fine, Joel. It was an accident. I’ll just go to the restroom and try to get the stain out,” you said with a grimace, and reached for more napkins.

“Let me help ya,” he offered as he placed a friendly hand on your elbow.

As Joel guided you through the crowd towards the toilets, hand hovering at a polite distance behind your back, he continued to apologize.

“I feel terrible– let me at least pay for it if it ends up needin’ replacin’.”

Inside the bar’s toilets, you jumped up on the stone countertop lining the wall, turning the closest sink on.

“It’s okay,” you repeated as you busied yourself with trying to clean yourself up, “This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten beer spilled all over me,” you said with a teasing laugh, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Standing beside you with his hip leaning against the stone and a knee popped, Joel huffed out a strained laugh, a laugh somewhere between embarrassment and relief.

“Yeah?” He questioned, eyes falling to your working hands.

“Tell you this much– I’ve had plenty of wet nights.”

A sound escaped Joel at your words, one he quickly tried to cover up with a cough, and you realize your innuendo a second too late. When you looked up from your hands, eyes wide, you noticed that Joel’s cheeks had flushed slightly, like he was embarrassed that he’d even caught onto the innuendo you hadn’t meant to make. 

“Oh! No, not like that–” you rushed, tone slightly mortified as your eyes met his, trying very hard not to stutter through the rest of your sentence, “I–uh... I only meant that I uh–... I‘ve had plenty of situations in which I’ve gotten wet–” 

At this sentence, Joel raised his eyebrows in a look that seemed half-surprised, half-amused, and your stomach dropped even further into your ass in embarrassment. 

“–with water!” you clarified quickly, before you scrunched up your nose in embarrassment, closing your eyes as you huffed out a laughing sigh, “There’s no way I’m getting out of this gracefully, is there?” 

You heard Joel’s chuckle to your side, deep and syrupy, like the stuff you’d liked to pour over your pancakes in buckets when you were a kid.

“You’d have gotten away with it if you hadn’t started explainin’, I think,” Joel told you, his tone joking, and you chuckled bashfully, nodding before you looked up at him. 

There was a moment in which you exchanged a look, before you felt the smile break over your face and you dissolved into embarrassed laughter, shaking your head as Joel laughed, too. 

“Off to a great start,” you muttered in between chuckles, “First week in Austin and I’m already making passes at handsome strangers in bar bathrooms.” 

“I never said I was complainin’,” Joel said jokingly, and you let out a chuckle, “First week in Austin, hm?” 

“Yeah,” you said with a nod, “Here for a postgrad.” 

“Smart and beautiful,” he mused, “Reckon I should spill beers more often if this is what I get in return.” 

Delicate wings fluttered in your tummy at his words as a feeling of excitement filled your chest. Looking up at him with a raised teasing eyebrow you said, “Not sure spilling beer on someone is the tried and tested formula.”  

“Well, that depends, really,” Joel answered back in a teasingly contemplating voice, “‘s it workin’ on you?” 

Your stomach dropped slightly at his words, and when your eyes moved to meet his, he was looking at you with a look that made your insides burn. 

“Maybe,” you told him with a teasing smile pulling at the corners of your mouth. 

You were never usually this bold, but there was something in the way he was looking at you and the syrup-y tone of his voice. You could tell he knew what he was doing, knew exactly what to say, and you wanted more. Biting down on your bottom lip coquettishly, you leaned backwards on your arms, giving Joel a full view of the soaked front of your dress, and more specifically, everything he could see underneath. 

“And what works on you, Joel?” 

You watched with some satisfaction as Joel's eyes ran over the length of your chest, before he quickly redirected them to your eyes.

“You’re making it very hard to be a gentleman here, sweetheart,” he almost whispered, his eyes as dark as the Austin summer night sky. You gave a noncommitted shrug as a teasing smile tugged at your lips. Then, you leaned forward so that you were closer to him, feet dangling slightly.

“I never asked you to be,” you told him, your voice low but not quite a whisper as you looked up at him through your lashes. 

Behind your rib cage your heart quickened with excitement as Joel’s darkening gaze bored into yours, and you knew you him right where you wanted him. His eyes danced over your face for a moment, before they flickered down to your lips. It almost made you stop breathing for a second, the tension in the air between you so thick you could cut it with a knife. There was just something about this man, something about Joel – and in this moment you wanted him more than you’d ever wanted anyone before. 

Maybe it should’ve scared you, the speed at which you’d fallen under his spell (or was it the other way around?), but right now, with Joel’s darkening eyes staring into yours, you couldn't bring yourself to feel any fear. You could only look at him, could only feel his breath fanning over your lips and the intensity of his gaze on your face.

“You’re trouble, aren’t ya?” Joel’s voice was low, not quite a whisper, but full of deep bass. 

You felt the expanse of his hand fall on your bare knee, rough and calloused over where your sundress had ridden up. 

“Nothing you can’t handle.” You batted your eyelashes semi-innocently, spreading your thighs slightly, which made Joel’s mouth twitch in amusement. 

“’s that so, darlin’?” He asked, taking his place between your legs, your face now only inches from his as he looked down at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Mhm,” you nodded slightly, your hand falling over his to guide it slowly up your thigh, “Don’t you wanna find out?”

As Joel’s index finger made contact with the side seam of your underwear, he closed the space between you and pressed his lips against yours. The hairs of his mustache tickled your cupid’s bow as he dove deeper, lips rolling over yours. You sat up slightly when his other hand wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer to him, your core rubbing up against his growing bulge. You whimpered against his lips at the contact, and Joel inhaled it, consuming every breathy moan and whimper.

His hand slid slowly downwards to your ass where he gave it a nice squeeze, pulling you even closer when your legs came up to wrap around his waist. He licked at your lower lip hungrily, and you opened yourself up to him to allow him to deepen the kiss. It was hot, and suffocating, and all-consuming, all at the same time. He was a great kisser, probably the best you’d kissed. His lips moved expertly over yours, soft and firm at the same time as he guided you through it.

The grip on your ass tightened again and soon you were half-way to hanging off the counter as he rocked his front steadily against your core, where your arousal had started to pool. The kisses turned needier then, shorter and desperate between quiet whines. You could feel the shape of him against you, hard and thick, and big. A wave of tickling arousal washed over you as you imagined yourself on your knees before him, the weight and taste of him on your tongue. He was so fucking hot, and you wanted him so fucking badly.

“Can I suck your cock?” you panted through frantic kisses.

Joel pulled back slightly, head tipped back to find your eyes. 

“You wanna suck my cock?” he asked, a hint of surprise in his voice. You only nodded, head tipping slowly with the bite of your lip.

Joel tsk-ed, “Dirty girl,” he said and rocked his hard bulge against your core, which earned him a moan. It made a wicked grin spread across his face, like he’d just proved a point.

His hands left your body as he slowly stepped backwards – that same cocky grin adorning his features as he nodded towards one of the stalls. Jumping off the countertop, you almost tripped over your feet to follow him inside.

“Relax, baby– ain’t no need to get on your knees until after we’re inside,” he teased, holding the door open for you, bicep bulging against the fabric of his t-shirt. Fuck, he looked so hot.

“Ha-ha,” you fake-laughed at him with a teasing roll of your eyes as you stepped past him and into the bathroom stall. When the door clicked behind him, followed by the unmistakable sound of the lock turning, you felt a pair of strong hands land on your hips as he pressed his body against your back.

“I’m only teasin’,” he reassured you in your ear, his breath fanning over the shell and sending a tingle down your spine. Turning around in his hold, your own teasing smile spread across your face as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Yeah?” you queried with the raise of an eyebrow, “Well two can play that game, sir” you teased as you slowly sunk to your knees, missing the way Joel reacted to the title you’d assigned him.

From above Joel watched you, body relaxed and composed like he wasn’t about to get his dick sucked, but the lust in his eyes gave him away. Your teeth caught on your bottom lip as you fumbled with his belt, the sound of metal clinking bouncing off the tiles as you focused on popping the button on his jeans and pulling the zipper down. You couldn’t take your eyes off the shape of him hidden behind the denim, and it made your mouth water, your thighs squeezing together. You were mesmerized as you let your pointer finger run over the covered length of him, the cotton fabric of his boxer briefs soft under your fingertips.

For a moment, you couldn’t believe what you were about to do – suck a man you’d just met less than an hour ago off in the bathroom stall of some dingy bar? But then again, something excited you about it. 

Maybe it was Joel? Or maybe it was the thrill of it all– of maybe getting caught?

“Go on, darlin’, it’s okay– be a good girl n’ take it out f’me,” Joel ordered from above, his voice dropping an octave. You looked up at him, caught the way he studied you, gauging your every move and reaction.

Then something shifted in his eyes, a flash of insecurity making its presence known, “Or don’t– we can stop f’you want– if you ain’t feelin’ it anymore.”

You shook your head before he’d even finished his sentence. God, no! You sure as hell didn’t want to stop.

“I wanna keep going, Joel,” you smiled, your fingers hooking into the elastic band of his boxer briefs.

A genuine smile bloomed across his face then, his rough hand coming down to cup your chin, “That’s good, baby,” he said, swiping his thumb slowly over your skin, before he leaned down to press a chaste kiss to your lips.

“Know you’ll be good f’me, won’t you?” he whispered against your lips, drawing a breathy whine from you at the praise.

“Yes,” you sighed, almost breathless as he kissed you again quickly before he murmured against your lips, “Yes, you will, darlin’– you’re gonna choke on my cock ‘n thank me for it, won’t ya?”

He was driving you mad with all these questions. In just a few minutes, this man had turned you inside out, pushed every button to turn you on– you were practically swimming in your panties, your mind clouded in hazy arousal. 

You didn’t know what to do, and not thinking clearly, you chased his lips.

“Nuh-uh,” Joel chuckled, pulling away slightly, “lemme hear you say it, sweetheart.”

“Yes,” you sighed again, “thank you for giving me your cock.”

“Thank you for giving me your cock, what?”

This manwas relentless.

“Thank you for giving me your cock, sir?” you tried, teeth nibbling on your bottom lip.

Pleased, a satisfied grin pulled at Joel’s lips. He rewarded you with a quick kiss before he pulled away, standing to his full height again.

You couldn’t wait any longer, you needed to touch him. Hooking your fingers into the elastic band of his boxer briefs again, you slowly pulled them down, revealing inch by inch of the base of his fat cock.

He was big, and the sight made your mouth water, but what excited you the most was the weight of his heavy balls.

“Fuck,” you whispered, eyes wide with fascination.

His hand found the back of your neck in a grounding hold as he guided you closer, your lips bumping against his tip. “Give it a kiss, baby… just like that,” he praised as you did exactly what he wanted, placing a kiss to his cock the same way you’d kissed his lips.

Over you, you could hear Joel release a content breathy chuckle, “That’s so good, baby, such a good girl.”

Egged on by his praises, you shifted a little on your knees, steadying your hands on his thighs as you pooled a blob of spit in your mouth that you let drip down the head. Joel watched you intensely as you used your dominant hand to slowly work the spit over his length, earning yourself a strained grunt. He grew even harder in your hand as you familiarized yourself with the weight and size of him in your hand. 

“Wanna taste it, sir,” you said and placed another soft kiss to the head, swiping your tongue over the slit to taste the precum that had started to pearl.

“Yeah?” he taunted, almost degrading, “You wanna taste my cock that badly?”

“Y-yes,” you whined, looking up at him through your lashes.

Joel watched you for a beat before he tapped at the hand wrapped around him, shooing it away as he fisted himself. “Open wide then, honey, ‘f you want it that bad,” he said, slapping his cock against the side of your face.

Your mouth dropped open in an instance as Joel stuffed his cock inside your mouth slowly. You opened up as wide as you possibly could, relaxing your jaw to accommodate the size of him in your mouth. It was a wide stretch, and the tip touched the back of your throat far too soon, making you gag around the head.

He pulled back to let you breathe for a moment, before he sunk back down your throat again, a large and grounding hand resting at the back of your head. The second time you were more prepared to take him, holding him in your throat for a few moments longer before you started to gag. Over you, Joel let out a strained grunt; the noise sending a bolt of arousal straight to your core.

After that, Joel let you take the lead.

You started out slow, taking the head into your mouth as you let your spit-covered fingers glide over his shaft in an experimental tug. Under your fist, a slick sound echoed off the tiles with every jerk of his cock. You made sure his cock was thoroughly coated in your spit as you set a steady rhythm. You let your tongue glide over the underside of his tip, his hips bucking when you dipped your tongue into the slit.

It was sloppy, and wet, and the noises coming from your throat were entirely too obscene as you started bobbing your head, taking him down your throat.

“That’s a good girl,” Joel praised you, helping guide his cock down your throat with the hand resting at the back of your head. “You love suckin’ cock, don’t you? Love havin’ a big cock fill up that tight throat?”

Suddenly, you heard the muted music coming from the bar grow louder before dying again at the sound of the door slamming shut. You stilled your movements in panic as you heard someone slip into the stall to your right. Your eyes met Joel as you slipped his cock out your mouth, but to your surprise he looked far from concerned about the new audience. 

Stretching his neck he turned his head in the direction of the occupied stall, while he wrapped his fist around the base of his cock. Even in his hands it looked big, and you started to wonder how you’d ever managed to fit it down your throat. A beat passed before he turned his head to look at you again, a wicked grin coating his lips as he bobbed his cock in your face, rubbing the head over your closed lips before he slapped it lightly against your cheek.

“Open up,” he mouthed with another light slap to your cheek. His actions made a tingle of arousal spread throughout your body, and you realized in shock how much the thought of getting caught turned you on.

You did as Joel said and opened your mouth for him to feed you his cock again. He watched you very closely this time, letting you ease yourself down his cock at your own pace, trying your best to be quiet. When the very tip of your nose made contact with the thatch of coarse dark hair at the base and your lips were snug around his cock, Joel couldn’t help himself. The grounding hand at the back of your head held you down as he shoved himself as deep as he possibly could down your throat, his balls bouncing against your chin at the movement.

To your right you heard the unmistakable sound of a toilet being flushed and a lock being twisted. Your eyes welled up with tears, your vision fogging over as you tried your best to fight against your gag reflex. Over you, Joel watched you with a proud smirk on his lips. When the sound of the sink turning on echoed through the restroom, you allowed a whimpering gag to escape you as you squeezed your eyes shut.

It shouldn’t have turned you on as much as it did, but the thrill of getting caught choking on an older man’s cock, a man who was essentially a stranger, made you wonder if you could come untouched. You were so close already, just a flick of your clit would send you off the edge of bliss.

Your eyes were about to roll back into your head when Joel finally pulled back. You gasped violently for air at the exact moment the door opened, filling the toilets with loud music for a moment before you and Joel were locked away again in your own little world. Like you were on autopilot, your hand slipped between your thighs to find your clit, and soon you were withering with your orgasm.

“Oh, there you go, honey, come all over those fingers f’me, just like that,” you heard Joel say, though the force of your orgasm made it seem like he was far away, like your ears were filled with cotton.

When you finally calmed down, you steadied yourself with a tug at Joel’s jeans – the fabric rough under your fingertips. Over you Joel fisted his cock as he watched you with a wild look in his eyes.

“Goddamn, baby, you’re so fuckin’ hot comin’ like that just from gettin’ your throat fucked.”

“Thank you, sir,” you managed to let out, your voice strained and hoarse.

Realizing he must’ve been close, you sat up straighter on your knees, ready to pull him off the edge too. Leaning forward, you stuck out your tongue, licking a fat strip up the seam of his balls to the underside of his shaft. His cock jumped in his hand as Joel let out a breathy laugh.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” he muttered, “Look me in the eyes honey– look me in the eyes when you lick my balls.” Joel jerked his cock above your face as you continued to lick at his heavy balls – your eyes locked with his.

“Look so fuckin’ pretty like this,” he choked out through groans, “Suck on ‘em, baby, suck on my balls.”

Blinking up at him you tried your best to fit one of them in your mouth, hollowing your cheeks and sucking greedily and lapping at the skin, before you moved on to treat the other with the same amount of love.

Joel’s mouth dropped open in a gape, his breath coming out quicker and more staggered. He squeezed himself harder at the base with each jerk before skating his thumb over the swollen head, massaging it. 

“Fuck,” he panted, “I’m gonna come, baby, I’m gonna fuckin’ come.”

Popping his balls from your mouth you hurriedly sat up in front of him, the tip off his cock brushing over the plump of your bottom lip with every thug of his cock.

“Please, sir,” you begged, “Please, come in my mouth.”

Joel wasn’t one to deny your request, especially not when you were sat so pretty in front of him with your tongue sticking out.

A second later, Joel shoved his cock in your mouth and came – balls drawn tight as he shot his load down your throat. The force of it made you gag a little at first, the restriction around his sensitive cock only making him come harder. He groaned above you as you sucked him dry, before he pulled back when it was too much, and caught his breath.

“Say Ah,” he said, a gentle but firm hand cupping your jaw. The squeeze of his fingers made your mouth drop open to reveal the cum coated on your tongue and where it pooled at the back of your throat. “Don’t swallow– Let me see, darlin’.”

Your smile fought against his grip. Sticking your tongue out the best you could, you let him see the state he’d left you in; chin coated in saliva, tears starting to dry on your cheeks, mouth puffy and fucked, and marked in this stranger’s cum.

“Pretty as a picture,” he tutted before he let go of your jaw, and with a pat to your cheek finally gave you permission to swallow.

After that it was like the spell had broken between you. Joel helped you to your feet, both of you giggling when your legs wobbled like a foal unsteady on its feet. He held you upright with a strong hand to your waist, while the other one traveled up the length of your body to cup your face, and bring it closer to place a slow and sensual kiss to your lips.

“Would you believe me if I told you I’d never done anything like that before?” You asked him a moment later as he helped you clean your face by the sink.

Joel gave you a look in the mirror.

“You don’t?” you exclaimed.

Joel gave you an infuriatingly casual shrug, “It ain’t your first time suckin’ dick that’s for sure,” he teased with a pinch to your side which made you jump.

Giving him a playful shove, you said, “I’m not lying! I’ve never had a one-night stand.”

“Well, the night’s still young,” Joel joked, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind and dipping his head to place a soft kiss to the column of your neck.

You leaned into his touch, feeling the soft grip of his hands on your body, and the soft presses of his kisses as you watched the two of you in the mirror. You found that you liked the reflection looking back at you, and if you were lucky, you hoped he liked it too; maybe enough to want to see you again.

“I can’t go back out there like this,” you said after a moment.

Your dress had finally dried, but so had the beer – staining it yellow.

Joel lifted his head from your neck to rest his chin on your shoulder as his eyes scanned your body in the mirror. 

“I have a flannel in my truck I can borrow you?”

“More layers in this heat?” you questioned, already sweating at the thought.

A wide grin spread across Joel’s face, full of mischief, “I guess I’ll just have to take ‘em off of you later, then.”

Turning around in his hold, you wrapped your hands around his neck, your fingers toying with the hair curling at his neck as you met his eyes. “That doesn’t sound so bad,” you whispered, painfully aware of the wet stain of arousal soiling your panties and sticking to your cunt.

“No, it doesn’t,” Joel hummed, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. 

“Wanna get out of here?” you asked and brushed your lips over his.

A moment later Joel guided you out the restrooms with a protective hand resting at the small of your back. Weaving through the crowd, you’d made your way almost to the exit when you heard a shout of your name over the music.

“There you are!” Sarah shouted again as she moved through the crowd towards you and Joel, arms reached out to the sky.

“Oh! And you’ve finally met my dad!”

i hope this was okay and that someone liked this? as always feedback as a comment, in the tags, as an ask or reply is very much appreciated, and they make me super happy! <3 i'm very curious to hear your thoughts about this! <3

© shellshocklove, 2024 i do not give any permission to repost, translate, feed to AI or redistribute any of my writing, with or without credit!

[myfictionaldreams]

I you are interested I wanted to offer a possible request.

It would be a smutty mafia!stucky one (you can pick which one of them or both if you want)

So I was thinking about the reader topping one of them, but not in a dominant way. Like she was good or something and wanted to reward her by letting her pick anything she wanted and she wanted to ride them while they were restrained.

So (whoever was picked) would be bound to the bed with a blindfold and the reader gets to use them for her pleasure with free rain and cause of the blindfold they feel and hear everything more intensely so they can hear how wet she is as she uses them for her reward.

So she's not dominating them just getting a free use card and can move however she wants unprompted, cum how many times she wants, overstimulate (whoever is used) until she is happy and can use toys on herself too but all they can do is lay on the bed restrained and wait for her to be satisfied before being let go.

This came to me so randomly so I thought it might be an option for you maybe if you liked it. Have a nice day!

Being on Top // Mafia!Stucky x Fem!Reader

A/N: I've thought about this request so much. Thank you so much for sending it!

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, angst, anxiety, mention of gunshot wound, free use, voyeurism, multiple orgasms, rough sex, oral (f receiving), cum eating, cockwarming, overstimulation, restraints, blindfolds, vibrator, begging, praise kink, riding, dom/sub, rough cock play, masturbation

Words: 5.2k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

Bucky watched intently. Fighting the urge to blink and wet the dryness itching at his eyes, he continued monitoring the situation before him. You were vacant. Eyes glassed over, and your body curled in on itself like you were attempting to make yourself as small as possible. It wasn’t this that concerned him; it was that you couldn’t look Steve in the eye despite trying to glimpse him out of the corner of your eye every couple of seconds.

Steve was watching with just as much concern as the bodyguards throughout the room, Sam and Natasha. Unbeknown to you, however, your gaze flicked towards Steve again but then swiftly landed on the spot on the carpet that had so thoroughly captured your attention.

Bucky had been trying to work the cogs in his brain for over an hour now, trying to figure out what was happening in your mind. The visible signs of distress he’d witnessed before when you were feeling fragile, whether it be due to being needy and submissive or because you were beginning to feel unwell with sickness. The first was most likely as you were displaying any visible signs of being ill; your heart rate was fine, and the same with your breathing; he knew he’d been counting and listening carefully. For once, he thanked his unique abilities.

The most likely answer was that you were experiencing some sort of mental health decline, but when you were needy or in the form of subspace, you would crawl into either his or Steve’s lap, not look frightened even to look the latter in the eye.

Risking a look away, Bucky caught Steve’s eye. The same level of concern was etched deep into his face; brows furrowed so deeply a line had formed between them. His teeth were clenched so hard that he looked like his jawbone would snap as he held his tongue, trying and failing to think of the right way to approach his girlfriend. The one person who shouldn’t be scared of him now looked as frightened of him as the enemies who cowered at his feet.

Bucky was running out of options as you began to chew on the corner of your recently done red-manicured nails, one of the many treats gifted to you by him and Steve for Valentine’s Day. It was never a good sign when you fell into old habits, and Bucky was on the verge of ripping out his hair and trying to decide what was best. Ask what is going on or approach you like a scared animal.

As his mouth opened, however, a flash of red distorted his view of you as Natasha stood directly in front of where you were curled up on the couch placed in Steve’s office for your comfort.

Natasha looked down at you, giving you a casual grin as she held out her hand with the matching manicure on her nails gleaming back at you, the red almost the same shade as her hair. Your eyes darted between her wiggling fingers and the welcoming smile as she nodded toward the door.

Taking her hand without a single word, you unfolded from your curled-up position and stood, mindlessly following her out of the door. Natasha pulled you into the elevator at the end of the corridor, riding down a couple of floors before arriving at the food hall with a private kitchen. One of the main perks of owning the entire building for the gang was that the sky was the limit concerning the facilities that could be added.

“Sit”, Natasha instructed, pointing to the table closest to the kitchen side as she began to boil some water, pulling out two mugs from the cabinets. “When I was a child, I used to suffer from nightmares, well, I still have nightmares. I’m just old enough now that I can drink something a bit stronger. But back then, when my hair used to be blue, I’d make myself a hot cocoa”. As she finished explaining, she placed a steaming hot drink before you, topping off the sweet beverage with a squirt of cream and marshmallows.

Sitting down opposite you, she took a moment to let you settle in, feeling thankful that you cupped the drink and allowed your hands to warm as you didn’t shut her out.

“Do you ever think about how fragile we all are?” you asked after staring into the mug in your hands.

Natasha frowned, opening her mouth to make a sarcastic comment of ‘not really’ but refrained as she saw the seriousness in your expression. “What’s brought this on?” You didn’t answer at first, but she noted how you uncomfortable shifted in your seat, shoulders hunching forward to mirror how you sat moments ago.

It took her a couple of minutes, but then it all dawned on Natasha as she sat forward in her seat, leaning on her elbows on the table. “Does this have to do with what happened with the boss three days ago?”

She knew she'd guessed right From how your eyes flinched and teeth began biting your lower lip. Steve had been shot whilst out for dinner with you and Bucky. It had been a well-calculated attack, and no one blamed themselves more than Natasha did for not spotting the attacker before it was too late. She was his bodyguard and had yet to fail at her job, and even though it was a superficial wound and, thanks to Steve’s accelerated healing, was already just a pink scar on his abdomen, Natasha still cursed herself.

Steve didn’t blame anyone other than the asshole who shot him and had spent many hours with him the previous night, getting his revenge and delving into all of his secrets. He’d been more concerned and out for revenge due to the distress it had caused you to see Steve shot. Hysterical was putting it lightly.

You’d screamed until your voice croaked, cried until your eyes were swollen, and become completely overwhelmed by the situation, needing to stay by Steve’s side entirely without sleeping until yesterday evening when you’d all but passed out. With Bucky staying by your side, Steve was able to sneak out and finally get his revenge against the shooter, and when he returned, you were swift to motherhen him even though he insisted that he was practically healed and back to normal.

“Talk to me, Sweet. I can’t help unless you tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours”, Natasha encouraged, leaning across the table and grasping your hand.

You sighed, squeezing her hand back as you tried to find the right words to explain your feelings. “I just realised how useless I am. I mean, Steve was shot, and I completely froze; I think all I was able to do was scream. I didn’t even put pressure on the wound or hold his hand. After everything I’ve seen whilst being a part of this gang, you’d think I’d be more aware of intense situations and how to handle myself, but everything just flashed before me and how close I was to losing one of the men I love. And Steve - god, I’m so embarrassed! I’m too scared to look at him properly for fear of seeing shame in his eyes at how I reacted. I mean, what kind of a girlfriend am I to the infamous Steve Rogers, the leader of one of the most dangerous gangs in Brooklyn? I couldn’t handle something he’d been training me to be prepared for. He must have thought I was pathetic”.

“Do you really think I’d ever think that about you?” Steve asked from the doorway with Bucky over his shoulder, both looking defeated.

You were startled at his appearance, cursing his silent steps as you also felt somewhat vulnerable with him having heard your worries. “I, um, I didn’t want you to hear that”.

Steve sighed as he roughly rubbed his palm over his face and stepped further into the room. Natasha stood with a last squeeze of your hand before exiting and patting Bucky on the shoulder as she moved past him and out, leaving the three of you alone.

“Baby, you know I would never think any of those things of you. What happened was a horrible mistake, and I wish more than anything that you weren’t there to witness it. I always want to keep you protected, physically and mentally and trust me, if anything ever happened to you, I’d-” he closed his mouth, eyes clenching in a flinch like even just the thought of you being injured caused him physical pain.

Bucky wrapped an arm around Steve’s shoulder, “The main point here is that you’re both ok. There’s no point dwelling on the past, and we all react differently when we see loved ones hurt, so I don’t want to hear anymore self-doubt coming out of your lips”, Bucky reprimanded whilst giving you a pointed look and pulling himself and Steve closer towards you.

You couldn’t help but squeal as he moved back your chair, turning it to face them as they each pulled their chairs close enough that their knees brushed yours. Steve cupped your hands, lifting them to his lips to kiss your fingers and palms. “Please don’t shut me out, and next time you have any anxiety over what's happened, you need to talk to me, Sweetheart”, Steve urged whilst maintaining eye contact that you didn’t break this time.

“I will; I’m sorry” Without missing a beat, you closed the distance and kissed him deeply as he wrapped his arms around your back, pulling your body into his lap so he could hold you close.

“God, you two are going to make me cry in a minute”, Bucky suddenly announced, leaning back in his chair and wiping away an imaginary tear from his eye. Steve rolled his eyes as he held you closer with one hand and reached out with the other for Bucky to take, which he did with a smirk, removing the now empty chair so that he could be knee to knee with Steve and place his metal hand on your lower back.

“As much as I love my life, I sometimes hate how dramatic it is”,  Steve mused a second later as he kissed the side of your head.

“Mmm, I agree - shit, this drink is good”, Bucky half shouted as he drank more of the cocoa in the mug as you turned towards him with an amused smile. He looked at you and paused mid-sip, “This is yours, isn’t it?” he realised out loud before swearing and slamming the mug back onto the table. “Shit, sorry, I thought it was Romanoff’s. I’ll buy you a special treat on our way home, which I think we need to discuss, by the way”.

Steve sat up straight in his chair, causing you to move slightly in his lap as he gave Bucky a questioning stare, “What’s wrong with home?”

“Nothing’s wrong with home; why do you always assume the worst?” Bucky questioned with his head tilted to the side, catching your eye and winking before continuing. “I was just thinking that maybe the two of you need some special time alone tonight”.

“I don’t want you to go anywhere either”, you say quickly, not wishing to be separated from either of them.

Bucky’s fingers reassuringly added pressure to your back as he gently shook his head, showing the misunderstanding. “I didn’t mean it like that, Doll. I just meant maybe you two could have some fun together, and luckily for you two, I have something in mind”.

Bucky’s plan for you and Steve resulted in the two of you hours later being naked in your bedroom with him watching in a chair.

“Remind me why I’m handcuffed again?” Steve asked with a sarcastic drawl from where he lay in the centre of the bed, his head carefully resting on the fluffed pillows and both wrists handcuffed above his head around the bed frame.

“Well, you tend to be all dominate and in charge when you’re having sex, and I think our sweet girl needs some reminding that you’re ok, you’re safe, and what better way for her to do that than her to be in control of how she touches your body?” Bucky explains nonchalantly as he rubs a hand over his growing bulge in his underwear, the rest of his clothes in a pile on the floor.

“Ok, that makes sense, but why the blindfold?” Steve asked, tilting his head toward where Bucky was sitting but couldn’t see with the thick black cloth tied around his head covering his eyesight.

“Ah well, that's just fun for me; I get to watch our beautiful girl at work; you get to feel it. I mean, I need to have some fun tonight”, Bucky responded cheekily as you smiled whilst trying to adjust your weight from where you sat naked, straddling Steve’s chest.

“I’m um, I’m not very good at being in charge” You tried to hide the quiver in your voice, but instantly, your cheeks began to warm with embarrassment.

Bucky leaned forward in his chair, capturing your attention fully as he gave you a reassuring smile, “Like I explained, Sweetheart. All I want you to think about is your pleasure. You can get yourself off, fuck Steve, use toys, whatever you’d like to feel good but don’t worry about Stevie, boy; he can handle whatever you’re going to give him”.

“I sure as fuck can” Steve grinned as he rolled his hips, causing you to gasp and lean forward, putting your hands out onto his shoulders to stop yourself from falling.

“Hey! None of that now, Rogers. Just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride,” Bucky grinned, showing his straight teeth as it was your turn to roll your eyes before focusing your attention on Steve.

One of the reasons you were never the one to be in charge, other than you were submissive down to the very bone, was that you were unsure what to do. To Steve and Bucky, it seemed to come so quickly for them, knowing where to touch, the next move to have you groaning in pleasure, but sitting there staring down at Steve, you were unsure where to touch him or how to start. Do you just slide a few inches back and sit on his already hard cock? Do you suck his cock for a bit or jerk him off? But what if he came and you overstimulated him?

“I can see you are overthinking over there. Remember what I said; think about your pleasure only”, Bucky reminded you quietly.

Nodding your head, you took a moment to stare down at Steve, and the events over the last few days dawned on you. Even though he’d survived significantly worse in his life, you couldn't help but contemplate just how close to losing everything you’d ever dreamed of and needed. Having him here, beneath you, living and breathing.

Before you could lose yourself to the overwhelming emotions threatening to spill over, you decided to clear your mind of those negative thoughts by lowering your mouth to his. The two of you released a breath simultaneously as Steve eagerly pressed his face firmly against yours, his head lifting off the pillow slightly.

It wasn’t a desperately messy kiss, full of tongues and saliva. It was a kiss that had the moment standing still as your hand rested over his heart, feeling the beat beneath, having the reminder that he was still here with you.

Pulling back from the kiss so that you were hovering over his face, you whispered intimately, “I love you”.

“I love you too,” was his instant response in the same calm tone, like a whisper in the wind.

Swallowing the emotional lump in your throat, you briefly pecked his lips once before trailing kisses down his chin and exploring the column of his throat, smiling as you felt him swallow beneath your lips. With your hands, you trailed your fingertips down his arms, feeling goosebumps lining his skin as you moved to meet where your mouth met his skin.

Slowly as you could, you kissed your way down his chest, making sure to lick and nip his peaked nipples, enjoying the little gasps he released as you contemplated that you’d never noticed how sensitive his nipples actually were. Further down, you moved as your legs shifted between him, making sure that his legs were spread so that you could fit between him perfectly.

As your lips continued giving open-mouthed kisses over his abs, you aimed for the pink scar close to his hip bone. The kiss pressed to the recently claimed gunshot injury that had even lightened in the shade since this morning with his accelerated healing. Steve’s legs tensed as he tried to refrain from thrusting his hips into the air as your breasts pressed against his thick length that you were attempting to ignore whilst worshipping his body.

“This is a cute moment and all, but I wanna see you cum already, Doll”, Bucky groaned impatiently as you looked at him over your shoulder as he sat with his hands clenched in his lap, as he continued to refrain from touching himself even though he was evidently very much aroused.

You smile against Steve’s skin and take one last breath of his natural body scent that had mixed with the spicy aftershave he’d used earlier this morning. Taking your time, you shift back to your original position of sitting across his abs, carefully sitting above the fresh scar that was still sensitive.

“I think I want to put these chiselled abs to good work”, you say whilst stroking a finger down them, laughing to yourself as Steve tensed, defining them even more solidly. Relaxing the position of your thighs, you sighed as your wetness now rested against his abdomen.

It wasn’t as satisfying as humping against his thigh because of the flat shape of his toned body, but that didn’t stop you from riding him slowly, making sure to really drag your clit in small circles against his body.

Your moans were breathy and gentle as your pleasure bloomed in your core, especially as Steve struggled to keep his emotions and body in heck beneath.

Licking his lips, he admitted, “I really fucking wish I could see you right now”.

“Oh, don’t you worry, big boy, she looks beautiful, there’s no doubt about that”, Bucky responded as he finally moved his black boxers to midthigh, his hand wrapped around his shaft as he matched the pace you were driving.

Deciding you needed something that had more definition than his perfectly sculpted abdomen, you shifted back down the bed until your cunt was flushed with Steve’s shaft that was hard and resting against his pubic bone. There was already a patch of precum that had pooled, and without thinking, you scooped it up with your finger and sucked the juices, savouring the musky saltiness.

“Holy shit”, Bucky cursed as his eyelids lowered in arousal.

Steve was trembling with restraint now as you began to slide your warm cunt against his shaft, making sure not to go over the tip as you wanted to savour the feel of his length first before fucking yourself on him.

In this position, you were quickly coating his cock in your juices, helping to prepare him for when you did want to sit on his cock, which, in fairness, would probably be soon with how horny you were feeling.

Faster and with more pressure, you ground down on his shaft until the burning in your core exploded, your cunt pulsing around nothing as you shivered through the sensation, breathing deeply with soft moans.

Leaning your hands on his chest, you shifted your hips forward, catching the tip of his cock against your pussy and continuing with the slow movements, not wanting to rush the adrenaline and burn that came with his cock thoroughly stretching your walls.

“So fucking tight”, Steve cursed, pressing his head back further into the pillow as the veins in his arms bulged as he restrained himself from easily snapping out of the handcuffs.

You couldn’t think of coherent words to respond, so sighed in satisfaction, taking a moment to savour the sensation. Eventually, though, the hunger for more became ravenous as you began to lift yourself off of his cock and then slam back onto him.

It was different riding him like this; usually, if you were on top, he’d either have a hand around your throat or his hands gripping your hips tightly and directing your movements. With all the movements being down to just your body, it was almost like having a life-size sex toy that moaned and breathed.

Additionally, it meant that you could really draw out the orgasm that was already threatening to suffocate around his cock as you rode him with slamming hips. Eventually, it all came too much, and with one hand on his chest and the other gripping your breast to squeeze the flesh, you had your second orgasm and a shiver of pleasure.

“You’re so fucking big”, you moaned as you attempted to catch your breath but settled for a different motion instead of riding up and down. Keeping your hips flush with his so that his balls rested against your arse, you began to circle your hips clockwise and then anticlockwise.

Steve gasped as his chest heaved with the attempt of arching his back. “Wait, Steve, shut up for a second”, Bucky demanded, and the three of you stopped making moaning noises, but you continued with your grinding and hip circles, which was when you could hear it too. The obscene sounds of your gushing cunt, sloshing and slurping with the movements. It felt incredible to be so full of Steve, but hearing how much this move was making him lose his mind only motivated you through feeling breathless.

“Holy shit, that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard, but if you keep doing that, I’m going to cum”, Steve grunted, his mouth hanging open so that his grunts of pleasure were unfiltered. Bucky was just as vocal from where he sat, getting himself off.

“I want you to cum; please cum for me, Sir”, you begged as Steve moaned at the nickname used. As his dick hardened inside of you, your fingers quickly began to circle your drenched clit matching the movements of your hips as you joined him by cumming at the same time, squeezing his shaft with your walls and milking his cock internally.

It felt unbelievably satisfying to feel the liquid filling you entirely and having no other room but to leak out of the sides and onto his pubic area. Your thighs have tightened so tightly around Steve’s body you were sure if he didn’t have his healing ability, you’d have caused bruises from where your knees had dug into his side.

He never complained once, though, as he tried to catch his breath just as desperately as you were. Slumping forward, your face rested against his chest, directly over his heart so that you could listen to the wild racing of his heart. You were exhausted from riding his cock, and for a moment, you determined the fantastic shape he was in was probably down to being on top all the time.

Your thighs and abdomen muscles ached as you determined you needed a little break from the riding but not from the orgasm, and even though you were feeling a little overstimulated internally, you were somewhat determined to see how far you could go.

Reaching blindly on the bed, you found the vibrating wand and moved it between your bodies until it rested against your clit. With Steve’s cock still somehow still hard, you remained with him inside of you as you turned on the vibrator.

Steve groaned as the vibrations were felt through not just his pubic mound but also your cunt as both were stimulated by the powerful toy. It wasn’t even on the highest setting, but it was enough to take your breath away at first, soon, you settled down, content with simply lying there until an orgasm built.

For a moment, you contemplated releasing Steve from his handcuffs so that he could wrap his big arms around you, but you knew that once he was free from those handcuffs, it would be a free-for-all.

One orgasm spiralled into two, and you had to push the vibrator away as the ache deepened within your cunt. You were exhausted and on the verge of becoming entirely too overstimulated for the orgasms.

“I- I don’t think I can cum again”, you admit whilst gently rocking yourself against Steve’s cock.

“Could I make one request?” Steve asks whilst licking his lips, his voice just as deep as it is when he first wakes up.

“Hmm?” you say in response.

“Sit on my face. I know you’ve had enough, you don’t have to cum, and if it hurts, I’ll stop, but I wanna taste you so bad right now”, Steve pleaded.

“How could I say no to that request”, you muse. Carefully and with a great deal of mess, you slipped off of his throbbing cock, which twitched in the air as his and your juices continued to drip out of your cunt and down his shaft.

With the way you’d climbed off, you ended up kneeling over his face so that you were facing down his body, staring and admiring his cock until the other man in the room caught your attention as Bucky kneeled on the bed.

Just as you lowered your soaking cunt onto Steve’s hot mouth, Bucky reached forward and began to stroke Steve’s cock. The mafia boss beneath you nearly choked on his own cum as he drank down the juices flowing out of you but soon found a rhythm, and as his hips rolled to meet the strokes of Bucky's metal fist, his tongue and lips matched this.

Reaching forward, you pulled Bucky in for a desperate kiss, his tongue brushing against yours, dominating in every way. With the taste of your cunt in his mouth and Bucky’s fist, Steve was cumming again as Bucky carefully caught the thick white seed in his fist, licking up every drop that Steveall but screamed out with his orgasm.

This time, you watched as his cock softened, and carefully you crawled off his face with the help of Bucky’s steady and damp hands. With Bucky’s lips against yours, he stated, “I know you’re not done yet, get back on him”.

Pulling back, you looked down at Steve’s clammy body and the pink blush that had hued over his chest as you determined, “Won’t I hurt him if I sit on his overstimulated cock?”

Steve answered for Bucky, “Fuck no, you won’t hurt me. Get back on Princess”, he pleads desperately. Turning back to face Steve, you try and angle his soft cock at your entrance, but it wouldn’t go back in as Steve cursed at the handling.

“Are you sure I’m not hurting you?” you asked fearfully.

“Yes, I’m sure just- I don’t know. Buck, grip me hard in your fist or something,” he responded, sounding frustrated with his body for a second. You had to bite your lip as Bucky shrugged and gripped Steve’s flaccid cock in his hand, causing the blonde to gasp and arch his back, nearly knocking you over in the process. “Yeah, just like that.”

“You know Steve, some would call you a freak for getting off on pain like that”, Bucky joked half-heartedly as his fist began pumping up and down the hardening cock in his hand.

“Yeah, well, you’re one to talk”, Steve sassed back as he finally became hard enough that you could slide back down his cock. “Just a warning if I cum again, I’ll probably be shooting air out”.

Again, you had to bite your lip to hold back the laugh from Steve’s admission. Bucky led beside the two of you, reaching over to tilt Steve’s blindfolded face towards him. “I thought you could go all night? What’s the point in having all of these special abilities if you’re already shooting blanks after two orgasms”, Bucky contemplated.

“Yeah, well, you have her sit on your cock and see how long you last, asshole”, Steve bite back earning a chuckle from Bucky as you watched them both fondly, trying to get to find a good rhythm to move your body, opting for a slow in and out and circle of your hips.

The soaking noises of your wet cunt began to fill the atmosphere once more as Steve and Bucky started to make out, dimming the noise of their moans. Bucky eased back and whispered into Steve’s ear, “Do you hear how wet she is? Best you can feel it, how sopping wet our girl is. Aw, poor thing she’s getting tired”, Bucky smirks as you frown at him. You were exhausted, but you weren’t letting that stop your movements, by the way, Bucky was winking at you, you knew he was up to something.

Steve gritted his teeth, almost growling as he contemplated his next move, and you realised Bucky was antagonising him as the next second, Steve’s snapping out of the handcuffs. You’re suddenly on your back in the middle of the bed as he rolls the two of you over.

Steve’s face delves into the crook of your neck as your legs are instantly pushed back so that your knees nearly brush against your chest as he completely crowds around you. Clearly having driven him to his limit, Steve did not hold back; he began to fuck you with unfathomably hard and fast thrusts.

His cock was a blur as it pounded into your drenched cunt. All you could do was cling to him, nails scratching into the skin of his shoulders and then up to his jaw, pulling his face back so that you could push his blindfold up that was still covering his eyesight. He blinked down at you, groaning at the sight beneath him as he kissed you feverishly.

You were stuck between kissing, moaning and trying to gasp for breath as your orgasm plummeted through your cunt until you were close to sobbing with the overwhelming emotions. Steve’s powerful body fucked you deep into the bed until he was deeply crying out your name with the trembling effects of his third orgasm. From the feeling of it, he definitely wasn't shooting blanks as more of his seed oozed out of your well-used cunt.

He remained on top of you for a while, his body keeping yours warm as you breathed one another in, but eventually, he was moved onto his side by a gentle hand of Bucky’s.

“Come on, big boy, I need you to move over so I can clean you both up”, the brunette explained as he sat on the bed with a warm washcloth. Steve sighed in contentment but remained with his arms around your torso as he observed Bucky clean up his sensitive flaccid cock.

As Bucky moved between your legs, you tiredly gasped, “Wait, you didn’t get to cum, Bucky”.

Bucky grinned up at you, leaning down to kiss your cheek as he explained, “Oh, don’t worry, I did, twice. You should see the back of Steve; think I might have got some in his hair as he was fucking you into next week”.

Steve quietly cursed before chuckling as he reached a hand behind his head, “Well, the sheets are thoroughly ruined for tonight then”.

[moonstruckme]

hey lovely! I was wondering if I could request a remus or poly! marauders where the boys (or just remus) are keeping his werewolf thing a secret from whimsical!reader bc remus is scared she’ll be scared of him, but she secretly already knows. I feel like she’d just KNOW(you know? lol) and one day hints that she does to Remus saying that it’s going to be a full moon soon as like a warning or something and he and the boys kinda look at her like….what does she mean by that? lol idk I hope that makes sense.

Thanks for requesting sweetheart <3

poly!marauders x whimsical!reader ♡ 1k words

They’re all always on edge as the full moon grows closer, but James thinks Sirius might be faring the worst. Two days out, he won’t let Remus so much as make his own tea, and when you’re still not home a couple of hours after you’re supposed to be, James has to talk him down from calling the police. 

Now, Remus is comforting him, though neither of them will admit it, the ailing boy’s arms banded securely around Sirius’ midsection where they lie on the couch. Every now and again, Sirius turns his head to kiss Remus’ chin as if to make up for it. James watches them both from the kitchen, wondering if he could get away with slipping some of the anti-anxiety tea you got Remus into Sirius’ brew. 

When they hear your key in the front door, he thinks he hears a relieved sigh go up from the couch. 

“Hi, angel.” James arrests you at the door, beckoning you into the kitchen. “Been missing you.” 

“Hey Jamie.” You set a couple of bags on the counter, letting him pull you in by the waist for a kiss. “Whatcha making?” 

“Lentil soup,” he says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to keep you close. “Be extra nice to Sirius,” he whispers near your ear. “He’s been worrying himself crazy about you.” 

You pull back to look at him, lips parting bemusedly, but James just pecks you on the side of your head. “Go,” he urges. 

You do as he says, padding over to the couch. “Hi, Siri,” you say, kneeling by the couch. “How’s your—day been?” Your words become muffled halfway through when Sirius wraps his arms around you, pressing your face to his shoulder despite the awkward angle. 

“Where the hell have you been?” he asks, worry inlaid with fondness. Remus’ hand migrates to the dip of his waist, pacifying. “You didn’t leave a note or anything.” 

“Sorry,” you say, slipping free of his grip so you can see him. Your fingers find a piece of his hair, running the satiny tress through your fingers distractedly. “I didn’t expect to be so long, but I couldn’t find Remus’ chocolate anywhere. I think it must be the holiday.” 

Sirius pauses. 

“You were gone all that time getting the chocolate Rem likes?” James asks. He peers inside the bag you’ve left on the counter, and sure enough—bags and bags of it, enough to last for months. 

“Mhm, I had to go to six stores. I saw you were getting low,” you say, now to Remus, “and I thought you might be wanting it.” 

James lowers the heat on his soup, setting a lid on the pot so he can join you all in the living room. Remus’ expression is wavering somewhere between guilty and lovestruck. Sirius looks plainly besotted.

“You didn’t have to do all that,” Remus says, reaching over Sirius to stroke at your cheek. “Thanks, dove.” 

You lean into his touch, cheeks dimpling. “It’s no problem,” you promise. Sirius has a look on his face like he wants to eat you. James feels similarly. “Oh,” you say abruptly, “I set up my diffuser in the bedroom earlier, but since it looks like you’re going to be out here for a while, would you mind if I brought it out?”

Remus’ eyebrows twitch towards each other. “Course not. But what did you have it in my room for?” 

“I put some rosemary oil in it.” You get up, aiming for the bedroom. “I thought it might be good for your headaches.” 

When you return, Sirius apparently decides he can’t contain himself any longer. He sits up on the couch, opening his arms for a proper hug. You set up the diffuser hastily and go to them, letting him squeeze the life out of you without complaint. Your eyes slip closed. 

“Sorry I scared you,” you say softly. 

“You’re forgiven.” Sirius stamps a kiss on the side of your head, rubbing your back roughly. “You’re pretty hard to stay mad at, you know that?”

“That’s the goal,” you reply breezily. James laughs. 

“How’d you know I had a headache today?” Remus asks, watching you and Sirius amusedly. 

You hum into Sirius’ shoulder, not opening your eyes. “Well, it’s only two days until the full moon.” 

Remus goes shock still. So does Sirius, cutting a look James’ way over your shoulder. What the hell is that supposed to mean? 

James shakes his head, shrugging. He hasn’t let anything slip, though he does think it’d be easier if you knew. He and Sirius have tried to coax Remus into telling you a few times now, but the other boy is obstinate. He’s been spurned too much in his life to willingly open himself up to the possibility of it, even if they all know you could never be afraid of him. He’s just not ready yet. 

Still, James thinks sitting here in petrified silence is as likely to give him away as anything else. 

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” James asks you. 

“Mm, nothing,” you hum blissfully, seemingly too content in Sirius’ hold to think about much else. He thinks he can hear Remus’ breath shake a bit on the way out. 

“Right,” James says. “Would you mind helping me in the kitchen for a bit? I could use someone chopping while I stir, or the other way around.” 

“Sure.” You open your eyes, gently easing yourself from Sirius’ clutches. The raven-haired boy eyes you curiously as you go, quirking an eyebrow at James like What do you think she’s on about? James can only shrug again, putting a hand on the small of your back while he follows you into the kitchen. 

As he goes by, he looks again in the bags you’ve brought home. 

“Angel, why did you buy so many bandages?” 

You shrug, taking up a paring knife and beginning to chop celery with careful, even strokes. “We were running out of those, too. Usually you and Siri are more on top of this stuff, but I figured it’s time I started pitching in. I know it’s a difficult time of the month.” 

There’s a dull slapping sound from the couch, and James looks over to see Sirius with one hand covering his mouth, the other stroking soothingly at Remus’ hair. 

“Right.” James swallows. He glances back at you, but you’re just chopping celery, placid as can be. “Thanks for, uh, taking up the mantle.” 

You toss him an easy smile. “Anytime.”

[wasitforrevenge]

oh sweetheart pt 3

pairing: boxer!ellie x f! jesses sister!reader

word count: 5.4k!!! longest part yet yay

rating: 18+ (smut will be coming in later parts)

warnings: dealer! boxer!ellie, weed, alcohol, boxing, kissing, joel is dead in this, talk of abusive relationship, smoking, they’re drunk but eveything is consensual ofc! lmk if im missing anything

summary: you and ellie share a moment and both of you admit it :)

author notes: hi everyone thank you for all the love on this series <<<333 this is a good one! not all the way edited yet but i wanted to post cause i finished it 20 minutes ago! sorry for the wait but i think maybe some smut in the near future ;) requests are open and id love any feedback. thank you for 200 followers and over almost 2000 likes!! this is unbelievable and im so grateful! pls let me know if u want to be added to the taglist!!!

part 3 | part 4

series masterlist | main masterlist

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

finally friday is here, it feels like you’ve been counting the minutes until you see her again. you woke up around eleven am and put water in the kettle to make yourself some tea as you went to the bathroom to get your morning routine done, paramore playing over your speaker in the bathroom. your routine is something you’ve started to build since you moved to try and keep your anxiety at bay, not all the time it works but its a good way to get your day started. you started with washing your face, brushing your teeth, then brushing the bedhead out of the mess you call hair.

a couple minutes later, you hear the kettle hiss and you make your way back to the kitchen and turn off the stove. you picked your favorite mug out of your cabinet and make your tea. leaving the kitchen, you went back to sit on the couch and think about a million different outcomes that would possibly happen tonight when you see her. you wonder if you’re reading too much into the way she talked to you, was she even flirting with you at all? or just being nice? did she just feel bad about seeing what happened outside her gym?

your phone buzzed in the mist of your thoughts on your and you read a text from dina telling you they’re leaving for the gym around 7 and if you wanted a ride. before responding you pulled up the weather app on your phone and decided you could walk there, its a warm summer day out again and by the time the sun fell, it would be cool enough to walk and it was only about 15 minutes from your house, that and leaving open the possibility that she would want to drive you home again.

you texted her back saying that you would just meet them there. you looked at the time seeing its about eleven thirty so you still have a while until you have to leave. you decided you were gonna be productive today. you did laundry and washed your sheets, did the dishes, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom and made a sandwich for lunch even thought by now it was 4 o clock. as you were walking around your apartment, you made a mental note to try and find some nice thrift stores around to help you decorate your place. you made your way to your bathroom to shower for tonight.

you love taking long showers, its your guilty pleasure. thanking god that your landlord pays your water bill as you dried off from the shower, put on your strawberry lotion, a big black t-shirt and fuzzy socks to hang around in while you did your hair and minimal makeup. you couldn’t stop thinking about seeing her tonight. new girl was playing on the tv in your room as you finished the final touches on your face. doing light everything since its hot but still wanting to look nice for the occasion: finally seeing her again.

four episodes later and its 6 o clock so you change into a pair of black levi shorts and a green top. your hair and makeup still looked good from earlier so nothing to touch up but you still triple checked yourself. you wish you could have smoked today to help beat the nerves but you wouldn’t have anything until tonight, smiling to yourself thinking of you and her on the phone both laughing when you asked if she was bribing you. you slipped on your converse, grabbed your bag, and locked the front door behind you and started making your way to ellie’s gym.

you got there around seven and you didn’t see jesses car yet but you did see hers. ellie’s beat up 2000 green honda cry sat in a spot towards the back of the parking lot. memories of you leaning on her window practically admitting you liked when she called you sweetheart and the peaceful feeling of comfortable silence you both held.

you heard someone call your name in the distance to turn and see dina getting out of the car, you were so concentrated on ellies car you didn’t even see them pull in. you made your way over and greeted them with a hug as dina wrapped your arm in hers and dragged you in with her, jesse following behind. you tried to calm your nerves but it just wasn’t working. not nervous about being here, even after what happened outside with the man last time, but of seeing her again. you’ve only spoken to her a handful of times but you thought of her more times than you can count.

as soon as you made it closer towards the front door, it was loud, like the first time you were here. loud people, loud lights, loud everything but now knowing it was ellie’s changed it. jesse held the door as dina went in first and you both followed. florescent lights beamed from above you, shining on the sweaty bodies in the gym. it was just like it was the first time you came. your nerves followed you everywhere, but it was worth seeing her again.

you went in and dina guided you guys to the same table you had last time. you wonder if they sit here every time. you looked around for ellie but you didn’t see her anywhere. you saw her car so she has to be here.

dina and jesse got up to go get drinks from the makeshift bar while you sat and waited for them to bring back your drink. you looked over to them waiting their turn when you heard something behind you.

“hey sweetheart,” she whispered close to your ear, and before you could respond she pulled out the the seat next to you and sat down.

“hey ellie,” you said almost startled. she was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a black t shirt and all her tattoos were showing this time. it was almost mind blowing seeing her and you couldn’t even explain what it did to you. you don’t understand why a girl you barely know has this effect on you.

“i told you to call me el,” she said and laughed kindly towards you, “i have the stuff for you” she finished.

“oh thank you, i’d hope so considering that’s the reason i came,” you joked.

“wait you mean you didn’t come to see me?” she said sounding fake hurt.

“that was just a plus,” you flirted. dina and jesse came back to the table with the drinks before she responded to you and they both greeted ellie as they sat.

“hey els we didn’t see you before we ordered the drinks, i can go get one for ya?” jesse asked her.

“nah i’ll wait til the next round, thanks though” she told him. she smiled at you and the conversation started between all four of you, before you knew it an hour and a half passed, you had more three more rounds and just enjoyed your friday night. the match started and you find it so convenient that you can still see the ring from where the table is so theres no need to get up and watch considering its not ellie up there.

you watched for a bit until it was coming to the end, cheering erupted and ellie told dina and jesse that she was going out for a smoke, before she got up, she leaned over to you and whispered “you coming sweetheart?” softly in your ear, her face inches away from yours, then she moved back and smiled. she held out her hand and you held it as she pulled you up with her as you blushed so hard, you swear you turned into a tomato.

your eyes stayed on her hand holding yours and the beautiful moth tattoo covering her arm, not believing that she’s actually touching you again. you followed behind her as she moved with you through the gym towards the door, as you walked out still hand in hand you saw the side of the building, it was the same place she defended you the first time you met her.

she lead you over to a bench that you never even realized was there. your hands broke as you both sat, she went pull out her cigarette pack and the lighter from her back pocket when she noticed you were staring at her still. she smirked as she opened the pack, and surprisingly pulled out a joint. she put it in her mouth and brought the lighter up to it before telling you “its not polite to stare sweetheart.”

you blushed and looked away as soon as she said it. she laughed and she passed the joint to you, you told her you just couldn’t help it. and you really couldn’t, she’s breathtaking. the way her freckles danced across her whole face, her eyes had a small tint of brown circling her iris, the scar on her right eyebrow, the way her lips just sat perfectly on her face. you so badly want to reach out and touch them again.

you hit it a couple times, you are sure your cheeks haven’t been back to normal since you saw her and you wonder if she’s noticed. you passed her back the joint and she staring at you taking in every detail of you too as she brought it to her mouth and took a hit. blowing out the smoke she smirked, and said “i can’t either sweetheart.”

she leaned back against the bench, legs spread a little as she handed you the joint and asked, “so what brought you here besides jesse?” she acquired. you told her about living in brooklyn, above the cafe you worked and how your time spent there wasn’t totally great but the real reason was running from a shitty past, you weren’t ready to tell her specifics but you told her that’s why you left, you had to get away from what happened there but it was more like who. she told you she understood and then she told you “well i’m glad you’ve made your way here sweetheart.”

you don’t know if it was the alcohol or weed but you sat outside on the bench for another 20 minutes, smoking and laughing as you talked about so much: you talked about the tv shows you’re both watching, the albums you had on repeat, the guilty pleasures you both had and what you both did in your free time. you spoke to one another like you’ve known each other for years. it just feels so good to talk to someone like this again.

she learned that your parents live in portland, so moving coasts was a big deal but you felt like you were on auto-pilot growing up and you knew you had to get out when you could, she learned that you dropped out of college two years and haven’t made any plans to go back but you would like to. you told her a couple funny stories about you and jesse growing up and she laughed at them all.

you found out that she plays guitar and that she spends time drawing and journaling. you learn that ellie was adopted when she was 14, she grew up in boston, and she has an older sister named sarah but that she doesn’t come around much anymore since she gotten married. she told you that her dad passed away from a heart attack about a year ago and since then, her and her uncle tommy.

“im sorry to hear about your dad els” you sympathized.

“its okay sweetheart, just fucking sucks sometimes.” she responded softly as she put the joint out next to her and slipped it back in her cigarette pack. instead this time she pulled out a cigarette and lit that this time. she slid it in her pocket before she stood up off the bench, offering you her hand again and said you should probably head back inside.

you grabbed her warm hand and stood up to follow her, you started the walk towards the side door but before she opened it, she turned around to you and faced you.

“hey sweetheart?” she asked.

“yes els?” you waited for her to continue, her hand still covering yours.

“im glad you came sweetheart, this was nice, i mean as nice as it gets sitting on the side of this place,” she laughed softly, you felt like she was closer than ever but maybe because you just wanted her to be, “you know, id love to do this again.. and maybe play you something on my guitar.. if you want.” she said almost nervously, feeling the urge to look away from you.

“i would love that els.” you said, looking up from staring at your hands together to smiling in her face. you cant believe she asked you, part of you prayed she would, you knew there was a connection here. she realized it too. your eye contact never faded as you stood here.

“great, im looking forward to it more than you know,” she told you sweetly. she let go out hand and you felt slight disappoint in your heart as you assumed she was going to turn around and open the door and this moment would be over. instead, she brought her hand up to your face and let it rest on your cheek as she brushed her thumb over it. the touch of her warm hand sent sparks through your body this time and you couldn’t be bothered moving as she grew closer to you.

“you have no idea how much i wanna kiss you right now.” she whispered, from only what felt like two inches away from your lips. fuck, you thought silently. she was so close to you, you could feel her breathe as she spoke.

“please do it.” you practically whined, you couldn’t take this anymore. all you wanted to do was feel her lips on yours. after you spoke, you felt her thumb move from your cheek to brushing your lips softly. the drinks you had definitely brought out your confident and the want you had for her.

“oh sweetheart,” she purred towards you, “how badly i want to but it has to be more special than this.” she said moving her thumb back to your red cheek.

“just as long as it happens el,” you responded, breathing heavier as your nerves grew in anticipation.

she nodded as she slowly moved her hand off your face and brought it down to your hip and gave it a squeeze, still smiling at you as she reached to open the door and let you through in front of her.

you walk back into the gym and went to find jesse and dina. you saw jesse at the bar and ellie went over to him, telling you she was getting more drinks. you went over to dina at the table and took a seat next to her. you asked her how the match went and she told you same as always and nothing crazy this time.

“you guys were out there for a while, whats up with that?” dina asked while smirking and wiggling her eyebrows at you.

“dina…” you laughed, “we just smoked and talked for a bit.” you replied to her.

“sureeee that’s all, we see the way you look at her!”, she squealed, “and the way she looks at you, it just seems pretty obvious.”

you laughed and told her that nothing happened yet but you did admit to her that you wanted it to.

“stop we knew it!” she laughed loudly and hit the table in excitement. you pulled your hands to your face that was full of embarrassment.

“what do you mean you knew it, was it obvious?” you gasped. your eyes darting towards ellie at the makeshift bar.

“to me and jesse yes.” she told you still smiling over the fact that her two friends maybe starting something new soon.

as you went to reply, the drinks were on the table, jesse and ellie were back already at the table pulling their chairs. the conversation between you and dina came to a halt as you all started talking. you all sat, conversing and finished your last round by the time it hit around 11 pm. you were getting tired and you were definitely drunk after all the rounds of drinks everyone bought. the matches ended an hour ago and you guys were the last few people left besides the lady behind the bar and a couple stragglers paying their tab and chatting.

“hey i think me and d are gonna head out,” he said looking over to dina, who was definitely feeling all the drinks she had, he laughed and said, “this one needs to make it home into bed. can you make it home okay? i can take you now if you need” he asked talking to you.

“no i’m gonna take her home.” ellie cut in before you could respond. you looked at her and smiled as jesse told you to text when you both got home safe. he helped dina up and they made their way to the door. your eyes followed til they left and then you turned to ellie, who was already staring at you.

“that okay sweetheart? that i take you home again?” she asked smirking towards you.

“yeah els, that’s okay.” you blushed as she stood up and put her hand out for the third time tonight. you connected your hands again. touching her had your skin was burning up. you followed her into a back office. paperwork, receipts, and random things littered the room. as you looked around and saw a decent couch, a safe in the corner and a coffee area on a little table and a large desk with folders and boxes of things you didn’t know.

you watched as ellie disconnected your hands to go over to pick up her backpack from the side of the couch and then she grabbed a jacket she had hanging over the deck of the chair to the desk, she slid it over her shoulders then grabbed a piece of paper, writing something non legible from where you were standing. she smiled when she turned towards you and held her arm out motioning to the door for you guys to exit.

the stragglers were gone and the bartender bid ellie goodnight as she walked out the front door. you walked the distance of the gym and made it to the door with ellie, she leaned over and turned the lights off and then held the door opened for you.

you told her thank you and she nodded towards you, “i think we should walk, it’s not far from your apartment.” she spoke looking towards you for confirmation as she turned and locked up the gym for the night.

“that’s okay but how are you going to get home without your car?” you asked. you didn’t want her walking home alone either, you knew she could handle herself but still, the thought made you worry.

“i’m only 5 minutes away from you actually so its not far, ill be back for my car tomorrow.” she told you. you nodded and both of you continued to walk the sidewalk in a comfortable silence next to each other. you glanced up at the sky, noticing the stars and the way the moon beamed over the city. it was so much cooler now than it was earlier and you moved to brush over the goosebumps that covered your arms. ellie noticed your movement and took off her jacket. you turned when you noticed what she was going and told her, “no its okay we’ll be there soon i don’t need it.”

“sorry sweetheart, got to make sure you stay warm.” she smirked as she put it over your shoulders and watched as you put your arms in. you smiled to her as you readjusted it and continued the walk to your place. the smell of her engulfed you and you’ve never felt so comfortable.

“its so beautiful.” you whispered, “and quiet, new york was never like this. they don’t lie when they say the city never sleeps ya know?” you finished.

the city you moved to that you wish you could escape from. the shitty and abusive relationship you wish you could leave behind. the things you tried the most to forget. you never spoke about it, you just ran. the city you wished had better memories connected with it. but now all you want is to create new memories.

when you moved across the country, you told yourself that you’re not getting into anything here because you know you need to heal from the those years of abuse and insecurity so the last thing you expected was to meet ellie and end up feeling this way about her. you don’t want this to happen and you ruin it because you aren’t okay but with her, you feel like you could be okay one day.

“i could only imagine, boston was a busy place too but not the same, it always is quiet here.” she chuckled softly.

“i love it, things finally seem calm now.” you smiled as you looked her. she took in the sight of you in her jacket and she loved it. she can only imagine seeing you wear her t shirts… or nothing at all. she shook the thoughts from her head but she just couldn’t help it. you were the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen. you were breathtaking. she couldn’t believe she’d met someone like you in this shitty small town.

the town where her dad and her moved, and the memories of them together haunted her. now that he was gone, she knew a piece of her was missing. things were incomplete without him. he was all she thought about, the guilt of what happened and how she couldn’t do anything to stop it.

the only time ellie wasn’t thinking about joel was when she was thinking about you, she was grateful that she met you. she didn’t know what this was going to turn into but she hoped it would be something. she sees the effects she has on you and she wishes she really knew how to communicate with you that she feels the same way about you.

you continued the walk in a comfortable silence, both of you wrapped in your thoughts of each another and eventually made it to the front of your building. you turned to face her with a smile,“here i am,” you spoke softly to her, not wanting the night to come to an end.

“here you are, thank you for letting me take you home sweetheart, call it peace of mind,” she admitted.

“thank you for walking me els… do you want to come up?” you said without a thought. you didn’t know if this is was the alcohol talking but you know you didn’t regret it when you said it and you wish that’s what you could blame it on but you knew you wanted this even sober.

“if you want me to sweetheart” she smirked as she responded.

you stepped closer to her as you looked at her, only a couple inches away from her face, watching her eyes move from your eyes to your lips. you knew you both could feel the tension.

“please just say yes.” you sighed wishing you could feel her lips on yours already.

“okay sweetheart, lets go.” she pulled away but connected your hands and it took you a second to recognize that she agreed. you turned around, suddenly nervous about the fact that she’s going to see where you spend your days. you opened the door to the lobby, and ellie held the door as you both walked in. she followed you up the stairs by the front, and you made your way to the front door as you held ellie’s hand in one and used the other to pull your keys from your bag.

you unlocked the door and you brought ellie in with you before the door was shut and you were locking it. you took off her jacket and put it on your coat rack and turned to look at her.

“okay it’s kind of a mess so i’m sorry but-“ you started before she cut you off.

“sweetheart, your place is practically spotless, you should see mine.” ellie laughed.

you laughed as you pulled ellie over to the green couch that took up a lot of your living room but it was a dream purchase and you loved it. you told ellie to take a seat as you walked over to the kitchen and grabbed some water for you both. as you were walking back towards her, she was digging around in her backpack. as you placed the waters down and took a seat, she pulled out weed in a jar and handed it to you.

“here this is yours.” she said.

“oh thank you! i totally forgot, do you want to smoke now- fuck i don’t think i have anything to roll with.” you told her as you went to open the windows in your living room.

instead of saying anything, she reached back into her backpack and pulled out a jar of already rolled joints.

“i came prepared.” she laughed, “and you won’t owe me anything for that.” she said, motioning to the stuff she gave you as her hands were cracking open the jar of pre-rolls.

“ellie- no i’ll give you the cash,” but she shook her head no and brought the lighter to the joint between her lips.

“no, it’s on me, don’t worry about it.” she responded as she took a hit.

“do you give other people weed for free?” you asked, looking at her as she was smoking while sitting next to you on the couch. you wish you could stay like this forever.

“only pretty girls that i like…” she said sweetly as you held eye contact as she handed you the joint.

“oh so you think i’m pretty?” you teased her as you took a hit.

“sweetheart, i think you’re the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen.” she told you. you instantly blush and look away from her, trying not to choke on the smoke you held in your lungs.

“thank you els, i think you’re beautiful.” you said to her. when you looked up, you saw her cheeks tint lightly as she grabbed the joint you held out to her.

“thanks sweetheart.” she said as she put the joint down on a cup at the table you’d been using as an ashtray and she brought her hand up and held your cheek like she did earlier. you couldn’t help yourself as you nuzzled your face into her warm hand. your eye contact only made the tension in the room worse.

“you really are beautiful… sweetheart, can i?” she asked as she looked down at your lips. you nodded and as she came closer, your lips just barely brushing, as she asked, “i need to hear you pretty girl.”

“yes please els- please just kiss me already.” you begged.

her lips were on yours before you could even realized this was actually happening. your lips moved slow together at first but you couldn’t help yourself from deepening the kiss as ellie brought her other hand up and tangled it in your hair as you moaned, her tongue slipped into your mouth, both of you tasting the weed and alcohol you consumed.

one of your hand rested against her chest and the other gripping her arm as you melted into the kiss. both ellie’s hands were in your hair now as your tongues continued to fight for dominance but you let her win and moaned again and she swallowed it as she kissed you.

ellie pulled your leg over her lap so you straddled her, never breaking your lips apart. your lips continued to move in sync as you grinded against her. her hands on your hips moving with you. your lips stay connected until you broke the kiss to come up for air and rested your forehead on hers.

“you okay sweetheart?” ellie panted as she caught her breath too.

“yes els just need a second.” you said as your eyes stayed shut while you tried to control your breathing. you couldn’t believe that you guys finally kissed. the tension was killing you both and now it’s finally happened.

“hey it’s okay, take your time sweetheart.” ellie said as she rubbed a hand along your thigh at a comfortable pace, brushing the cloth from your shorts as she moved it. she brought the other one up to your cheek and lifted your head to look at you. you looked tired and ellie didn’t want to take full advantage of you after you guys had been drinking and smoking all night.

“hey sweetheart, lets get you to bed, we’ll finish this another time i promise.” she said sweetly as you mumbled an “okay els thank you,” and moved off her lap to sit back on the couch. ellie stood up and offered her hand. you stood up and walked both of you to your bedroom.

you moved to sit on the edge of your king sized bed and ellie stood in front of you still holding your hand as you asked her if she wanted to stay the night because it was late and you didn’t want her walking home.

“sure sweetheart i’ll sleep on the couch, and only for your peace of mind.” she chuckled, thinking back to the conversation earlier.

“els we can share the bed, it’s okay, i’ll keep my hands to myself.” you joked and she laughed.

“i don’t think i’d be complaining if you couldn’t but i’m okay on the couch.” ellie insisted.

“els please just lay with me.” you said looking up at her as she moved her hand to rest on your cheek again.

“okay sweetheart.” she finally agreed.

you smiled up at her and you took ellie’s hand from your face and guided her into the bathroom connected to your room. she watched as you bent down and opened the sink cabinet and grabbed a toothbrush. you turned around and handed it to her with a smile. you guys brushed your teeth and then went back into your bedroom.

ellie stood here as you moved across the room to your dresser, and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts from your drawer and handed them over to ellie. she told you thank you and you smiled at her. ellie walked into the bathroom to change and you walked back to the dresser. you stripped yourself of your shirt and bra before throwing on a different oversized tee and changing your underwear. you didn’t even realize you were soaked after what happened on the couch.

ellie watched you as she leaned against the bathroom door frame as you untangled the sides of your underwear after you pulled them up.

“you’re perfect”, she thought in head before speaking out loud. “thanks sweetheart.” you turned around when ellie spoke, sending her a smile before you moved to your side of the bed, you grabbed the duvet and moved it so you both were able to get in your bed.

you and ellie laid facing each other in a comfortable silence as you were both growing incredibly tired. you felt your eyes starting to get heavy and felt ellie’s hand brush your hair back from your face so you kept your eyes open to look at her.

“el?” you whispered.

“yes sweetheart?” she spoke quietly back to you.

“i really like you… i don’t know if this is too early but it just feels right.”

“i feel it too sweetheart, i like you too so don’t worry,” ellie said softly, hand still holding your face, “now get some sleep, we’ll talk more in the morning pretty girl.”

“goodnight els.” you whispered.

[storiesofsvu]

One ask wasn't enough! So, how about these prompts, with Cabot?

"I can't sleep, can I stay here?" and

"Don't... I'm ticklish!"

Thank youuuu 🥰🥰

Thank YOU so much!! Here ya go!

Insomnia Strikes

Alex Cabot x reader (more implied than anything else lol) Warnings: mentions of anxiety/insomnia, I think that's about it. Just a nice little comfort one shot.

Being the natural night owl that you were, you never had any problems swapping shifts around when someone on the squad got roped into an overnight shift. You honestly didn’t mind it, you basically chilled alone, ate snacks, scrolled through your phone and answered a handful of phone calls that the desk clerk downstairs didn’t catch. It was a very rare occasion where something actually made its way to you prior to six in the morning and by then you were usually only on intake, passing it off to the day team before heading home. It was a nice little break from the chaos that the squad room and a courtroom normally were.

You spent the first few hours catching up on paperwork, finishing all the nearly late files, scrawling your signature across them before popping them into Cragen’s inbox. The squad slowly disappearing as late evening hit until only Olivia remained and you tossed a crumpled up piece of paper onto her desk, telling her to get out of there. You knew she liked to stick around as late as she could, not wanting anyone to really be trapped all alone in the building and she was quick to ask if you’d eaten dinner yet. You laughed, saying you had your breakfast before you came in and that she better get home to get some sleep. If she complained of being tired when you finally did have to call her in, you’d hold it against her. That finally got her going, giving you a warm smile as she wished you goodnight and finally left the precinct.

Once office lights began to flick off and the downstairs desk attendant clocked in things fell into a state of stillness, quiet and calm seeping through the air. Your paperwork was actually done, the most recent case you’d been working on waiting on the jury and you appeared to be free from actual work. So you started on the more mundane tasks, things that didn’t get done until you were on night shift. You started out by cleaning your desk, tossing out old receipts, crumpled up pastry bags, pencils that were so slivered down they couldn’t be used. Grabbing the collection of coffee mugs from the bull pen you headed into the break room, loading up the sink with hot soapy water to take care of the dishes in there. The cleaning crew usually came through around midnight, so you tackled the fridge, throwing out anything and everything that wasn’t labelled, had been in there for too long or seemed to be growing its own ecosystem.

After a very thorough hand wash, you wandered back to your desk, phone in your hand as you ordered some food for dinner, though maybe it was technically your lunch. Having no messages, calls or emails waiting, you pulled out your I-pad, sitting it on your desk as you settled back into your chair, pulling up your most recent binge. You were starting to get a little antsy twenty minutes in, your foot tapping against the floor over and over again. If it were day shift you’d usually caught a case or had to trek over to the DA’s office by now, but you were still just sitting there wishing you had an easier way to get your steps in. Your prayers were partially answered when the desk sergeant called up saying your food was there and you got to jog down the stairs to pay the driver before wandering back up them to your desk.

You ate a couple of slices, snagged a soda from the machine and set the box off to the side as you turned your attention back to the screen in front of you. The cleaning crew came and went, efficiently working through the space in no time, waving a friendly hello and then goodbye to you once they were finished. It wasn’t much later after that when you heard the shuffling of feet coming from the hallway and you glanced up, half expecting the desk clerk to be coming to take advantage of the vending machines. Your head tilted when instead you spotted Alex, loose leggings and a fuzzy sweater wrapped around her frame, hair messily tied back.

“Lex?” You greeted and her head lifted up, a small smile on her cheeks when she saw you. “What’re you doing here? Please don’t tell me you’re gonna have to go wake up a judge.”

“No.” She replied with a small huff, leaning over to press a kiss to your temple before pulling over a spare chair and dropping into it. “Tried your apartment first, neighbour said they saw you leaving for work late so I figured you were stuck on night shift.”

“And you thought I needed a babysitter?” You asked with a tease and she shook her head at you.

“Long day. I just wanted to make sure I got to see you at some point.” She yawned, her hands sneaking under her glasses to rub furiously at her eyes.

“You could’ve just called.”

She glanced up at you, a nervous look in her eyes as she chewed on her lip for a minute before letting out a breath, “I can’t sleep. Can I just stay here?”

“Yeah.” You smiled, reaching out to squeeze at her knee, “course you can. Did you at least try to sleep? Or were you still up on the couch pouring over case files?”

“I did.” She revealed with a sigh, “stared at the ceiling tossing and turning for almost four hours before I gave up. My brain just won’t shut up.”

“Did you take your meds?” You asked and she glanced up at you with a sheepish look on her face, softly shaking her head.

“I ran out on Monday; didn’t realize I was so low and I couldn’t get an appointment for a refill until next Tuesday. I took the anxiety one at eight and doctor’s orders say I can’t take melatonin with it, so I’m just kinda out of luck.”

“Shit.” You frowned, squeezing at her leg again, “next time we’ll make sure you always have an immediate refill on hand.”

“Thanks.” Her hand caught yours, squeezing it softly as she smiled across at you.

“You eat?”

“Wasn’t really hungry.” She shrugged, “had a granola bar.”

“How about you dig into this,” you tugged the pizza box from the other side of the desk, flipping it open in front of her and when the smell wafted over to she felt her stomach begin to grumble. “I’ll see what they have for tea in the break room.”

Leaving a kiss on the top of her head you left her to it, commenting for her to change the Netflix to whatever she wanted while you were gone. Digging through the break room you were pleasantly surprised to find a box of chamomile tea, turning on the kettle and brewing a mug exactly the way Alex liked it. When you crossed back into the bull pen she was curled up in the spare chair, your NYPD hoodie you normally stashed in the lower drawer of your desk draped over her lap as her hands played with the fraying cuffs.

A warm smile overtook your features as you placed the mug down in front of her, kissing her cheek again before reminding her to eat. With a tired sigh she finally leant forward, taking a slice of pizza, a pleased groan leaving her when she found it still warm.

She’d chosen one of your mutual favourite comfort movies, a classic rom com with no drama or terribly corny jokes set in the city you’d made your home. She ate her slice and sipped at her tea while she watched, relaxing into your side as she did so. You had to answer a couple of texts over the course of the hour but otherwise you were pleasantly occupied and comfortable. There were about five minutes left in the movie when she was fully slumped on your shoulder, you could feel her steady breathing and were certain her eyes had finally closed even if she wasn’t asleep yet. Your fingers poked gently at her side and she grumbled, flinching away from your touch without moving her head off your shoulder.

“Don’t. I’m ticklish.”

“Sorry.” You murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, “lets get you to the crib, you can get some actual sleep.”

“Come with me?” She finally looked up at you with sapphire puppy dog eyes and a pout on her lips. You smiled softly, letting out a breath of a laugh.

“Okay, but only ‘til you fall asleep. I am on duty after all.”

“Fine.” She scowled, yawning, her eyes still drooping as she reluctantly stood from the chair, your hoodie still curled in her arms.

Alex shuffled away to the bunk room, letting herself in and leading you to the bunk burrowed in the corner. You grabbed a couple of extra pillows and blankets, making sure she was more than comfortable, tucked in and relaxed as she curled up on her side face you. Perched on the edge of the bed you smoothed back her hair, tucking it behind her ear as her eyes fell shut again, letting out a content sigh.

“Thank you.” She murmured; her voice muffled by the pillow.

“Anytime baby.” You whispered back, fingers trailing across her cheek before you kissed her forehead.

By the time you’d sat upright she was out like a light, soft snores echoing through the small room and a small smile crept onto your lips. Pulling out your phone you quickly set an alarm so she would have enough time to get home and get dressed properly for the day before having to return to the DA’s office and quietly made your way from the room. You knew it wasn’t much, but it really was the little things, knowing that whenever Alex was fighting a bout of insomnia she found solace and relief in you, that no matter where you were, she would eventually be lulled into comfort and thus sleep as long as you were around.

________________________

@mickey-gomez @cabotfan42 @detective-giggles @red1culous @beccabarba @imlike-so-gaydude @altsvu @svulife-rl rl @svushots @mspetey @wannabe-fic-reader @lawandorderimagines @gaylorrds @mysticfalls01 @littlegaybabe @bumblebear30 @wosoimagines @solemnnova @cerberus-spectre @emskisworld @ex-uallyactive @lawandorderuswnt @samwithnoplan @multifandomlesbianic @narvaldetierra @momlifebehard @poisonedcrowns @a-little-bit-of-this-and-that @somethingimaginative17 @alexxavicry @daddy-heather-dunbar @evilregal2002 @7thavenger @disneyfan624 @msvenablesbitch @happenstnces @onmykneesformarvel @desperate-gay @riveramorylunar @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @noahrex @temp0rary-bliss @wittygutsy @chimnlex @maximoffcarter @sapphicqueenofdonuts @ralla-ralla @chestnutninny @gamma-rae-bursts

[mvltisstuff]

hii!! i hope you’re well :) i haven’t seen anyone write a fic for ravi panikkar (he deserves the whole world fr) so i’ve got a request hehe, if that’s okay?

could you write a fic where reader and ravi secretly like each other but are both too awkward to admit it so the 118 always tease them and try to set them up together? maybe in the end they both confess their feelings to each other after one of them gets badly injured when attending a rescue?

im soo sorry if this is too long and feel free to ignore this request if you’d like <33 thank youuu 🫶

suburban legends (pt.1) - r.p

summary: request

ravi panikkar x reader

a/n: thank you for the request, i hope this does it justice and you enjoy :)) This WILL have a second part!! i just wanted to get something out for u today :))

everyone knew that y/n and ravi were pretty much the baby siblings of the rest of the crew at the 118. they all got so attached to each other, but for some reason, ravi and y/n always managed to strengthen the distance between them. it was like a family photo, each of them on other ends.

y/n came into the picture a bit after ravi did, instantly clicking with everyone. she was incredibly bright for her age and being so new, so she was perfect to have on the team. ravi was quick and selfless, making him another must-have when bobby was looking for new probies. he could already envision y/n and ravi being just like buck and eddie, or chim and hen.

however, bobby’s ideas were slowed down by their stubbornness. as soon as y/n walked into the station, she got nervous whenever ravi was near. the first time she laid eyes on him, it was evident on her face that she had a little crush forming. ravi, too, kept asking bobby and his other coworkers questions about the new girl, but only getting teasing replies back. y/n and ravi, out of their own anxieties, would exchange a couple sentences a day, and they would be on calls. they seemed like strangers when out of uniform, and none of the team liked it.

they’ve been plotting small things for weeks to get them to talk to each other, like bringing the team out for drinks, or dinner after a call. none of it seemed to work, because they both found loopholes of how not to be surrounded by each other. in buck and eddie’s eyes, it seemed like ravi needed a pep talk.

“hey, ravi!” buck called, while walking besides eddie into the kitchen. ravi was at the table, eating leftovers from dinner the night before. it had been a slow day, so he took the time he had to eat. “we need some advice.”

“yeah, we’re getting old, we need to know what it’s like these days from a younger perspective.” eddie adds, sitting down across from ravi and buck copies.

“okay, with what?”

“so, we both like these girls, and,” eddie turns to look at buck, who nods along. “we need your advice on how to get them. you know, times are always changing and girls like different things now.”

“you guys aren’t even that old-“

“oh, ravi, please,” buck groans. “i feel my knees deteriorating every day and eddie found a grey beard hair the other day.”

“oh, go on, i guess.”

“anyway, this girl, she’s so smart, like amazingly smart.” eddie starts, thinking of ways to describe y/n. “she’s got these eyes that hunt me down and she always has her hair up nice.”

“and mine, she is always on time and never slowed down. she’s passionate and so gorgeous.” buck includes as ravi just shoves more food into his mouth.

“well, what does she do?”

“they’re both firefighters. we met them at the…” eddie starts.

“the bar.” buck finishes for him.

“i play hard to get.” ravi starts spilling, and buck and eddie lean in closer. “the less attention you give, the more they want you. it’ll make it more exciting when they start making more moves. but, you also don’t want to get too attached because she might not want a real relationship. people just want sex these days and i don’t want to make things awkward because we both work at the same station. putting a gap between the two of you works, but it feels like shit, but at least you’ll feel like shit together.”

“mhm, so just ignore her all the time and do everything i can to avoid her?” buck questions, squinting at ravi.

“no, not exactly-“

“isn’t that what you do though?” eddie replies.

“sorry?”

“we’re not dumb, panikkar. your big feelings for y/n are so obvious that it’s the only thing we talk about here these days. do you know how much money i’ve lost because of you two?”

“that’s true, i win all the bets.” buck chimes in.

“i don’t have feelings for-“

“don’t start lying to us now,” eddie sings.

“i’m not ly-“

“you’re lying!” buck sings in the same tone as eddie.

“i don’t really like you guys!” ravi says, putting his fork down.

“well, that doesn’t matter, because you like y/n and she fancies you.” buck tells him.

“wait, did she tell you that?” buck and eddie sigh at his excitement.

“she’s polishing the trucks and she needs an extra hand. and, buck and i, we just don’t want to. and bobby said we can tell you what to do.” eddie says.

“no, he didn’t.” buck hands ravi a cloth and jerks his head in y/n’s direction. “fine. but if this backfires, its on you.”

as ravi heads down the stairs, he stands next to y/n and tosses the rag around nervously. “figured i’d give you a hand.”

hen and chim, on the other engine, turn their heads and stare at the pair, but buck and eddie come back and remind them to not bother y/n and ravi. they were like deer, once you make too much noise they run away.

“oh, thanks,” y/n smiles. “this is my least favorite thing to do.”

“that’s how i feel with cleaning the kitchen, it’s so boring.”

“i don’t mind the kitchen, actually.”

“i’ve been putting it off,” ravi laughs, smearing more polish onto the red, shiny vehicle.

“i can go do it for you, if you want.” y/n offers. ravi does not want her to, because it feels like they’re actually going somewhere now.

“uh,” he hesitates. “sure! only if you want.”

“it’s no problem.” y/n grins and starts making her way upstairs.

buck and eddie come stand next to ravi, shaking their heads in disapproval at the way things just happened.

stuff like this continued to happen for days, ravi would get too close, and y/n would run off. he didn’t understand why she would get so nervous when he’d come around. he figured he’d just give up, no use in getting the girl when she doesn’t want it.

ravi finally thought he had her right where he wanted her. he went upstairs to help her in the kitchen, after taking his chore again to try and help. but, the alarm blaring through the station quickly paused things, like always.

[issdisgrace]

SUNDAY DINNER

WARNINGS: Use of the word fag, and nothing else

I sigh to myself as I knock on the door to Alfie’s office.

“Come in.” His voice rings out. Opening the door, I step into the office, closing the door behind me.

“Hey Alfie, you got a minute.”

“Yeah darling i do, have a seat.” He says, setting his paper down, gesturing towards the couch. I nod, walking over to the couch and lay down it like I’ve done a handful of times in the past.

“So what wrong my darling Y/n.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about telling my family about me and about us. But I don’t know how they’re gonna react. I’m worried that they’ll shame me and kick me out of the family. I don’t know what I would do without them.”

“Well, darling I’m gonna be honest with you. I don’t know how they will react to either piece of information. They are a bunch of no good hard heads. But I can tell you they love you just as much as I do. So I wouldn’t worry too much about it. But telling them about us on the other hand I can tell you they will flip out.”

“Would you come with me when I tell them?”

��Are we going to tell them about both things?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, but I better not get shit from any of them about dating you and if I do beat their asses, also I expect my compensation via kisses.”

“Alright, I think I can do that. Thank you Alfie.” I say, looking over at him, sending him a smile, which he returns.

Later that night I go home and call up aunt Polly.

“Hey Polly.”

“Y/n. How have you been? You settle into your new place.”

“I’m good. I settled in nicely. I just wanted to call and tell you that I’m ready to tell the family.”

“You are? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure Polly. I’ve been putting off telling everyone and now that I got my own place and I’m out on my own I think it’s time. I’ve also got a boyfriend and we’ve been going strong for 6 months and I want you guys to meet him.”

“That’s wonderful darling. How about you bring him to dinner on Sunday night?”

“Sounds good. He mentioned he was free Sunday, so I guess we are good to go then.”

“Alright, remember to be here at 6pm.”

“Ok, Polly I’ll see you Sunday at 6. I love you. Thank you for the support. I appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem darling, you are like a son to me. It would also be hypocritical of me, liking both women and men and not supporting my nephew. Anyway, I got to finish a couple of things papers, so I love you. Goodnight. I’ll see you Sunday.” 

“I love you too, Polly. Goodnight, see you on Sunday.”

Sunday had finally rolled around and my anxiety was at a 100. It got worse and worse as the day went on. Then it was time to meet up with Alfie and head to Polly’s house for dinner.

As we drove along and got closer and closer, I felt sicker and sicker.

“Darling, you ok. You're looking pale.”

“I’m fine Alfie don’t worry. I’m just anxious, that’s all.”

“I am anxious too darling. Don’t worry I’ll be right by your side the whole time and your aunt will be there. And she’ll kick your brother’s asses if they say anything.”

I let out a laugh, picturing Polly kicking their asses.

“You’re right.”

“I know I am darling. So how about we focus on best-case scenarios?”

We park in front of Polly’s house and I let out a sigh, looking over at Alfie. It looks like everyone is already here. 

“You ready, darling?” I take a deep breath before saying.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Me and Alfie then get out of the car. Walking around the car, I then link hands with Alfie. The feeling of his rough hand in mind bringing me comfort. We walk up the path to the front door before we knock. We stand there for a minute before the door is suddenly pulled open, revealing Polly.

“Y/n good to see you. And ahh, you’re the infamous King of Camden, Alfie Solomons.”

“I’m just Alfie Solomons tonight Miss Gray.” 

“Alright, well please do come in.” Polly says, moving to the side to let us in. Stepping in, the sound of chatter hits our ears.

“Everyone is in here.” Polly says, leading us into the living room. I keep a tight grip on Alfie’s hand as we walk into the room and as soon as we are seen everything goes dead silent. Everyone is looking at us.

“Hello everyone.” I managed to get out.

“What is he doing here?” Tommy asks clearly not to be happy to see me hand in hand with one of his business partners.

“Well, if you guys weren’t smart enough to figure it out already I am a fag. As for Alfie, we have been dating for 6 months now.”

“Your a fag?” Arthur, John, and Finn ask in synchronicity.

“God, you guys are so stupid. No offense Y/n but you didn’t really do a good job of hiding your preference towards men.” Ada says, looking up. I meet her eyes, and she gives me a smile.

“None taken Ada. I realized that I wasn’t that good at hiding it a while ago.”

“Why him of all people, Y/n,” Tommy asks.

“Alfie is good for me. He treats me well. He makes sure I’m taken care of and he cooks for me.”

“He’s the King of fucking Camden. Don’t you get it Y/n. He can get you killed.” Tommy says, raising his voice. 

“And you’re Thomas Shelby, the leader of the Peaky Blinders. For fuck’s sake Tommy, me being your brother is enough to get me killed.”

“He’s right Tommy.” Polly speaks up. “Despite me not being the biggest fan of Mr Solomons. No offense Mr Solomons. Y/n has a valid point that you’re just going to have to accept. And you’re going to have to accept that Y/n is with Mr Solomons. All of us will need to accept that.”

“If it’s any consolation Y/n I don’t care who you date.” Ada says.

“Thank you Ada.”

“No problem.”

The room then falls silent as Tommy, Arthur, John, and even Finn stare daggers into Alfie. It only lasts a minute before a ring breaks the silence.

“Foods ready.” Polly says as she quickly leaves the room. Great, dinner totally isn’t going to be awkward. I look over to Alfie and give him a weak smile that he returns. Let’s see just how bad this dinner can get, I think to myself as I lead Alfie out of the living room and towards the dining room.

“I’m gonna need a drink after this aren’t I.”

[boraswan]

hiiii can you write a jungkook x reader where he introduces you to his friends but u have anxiety so u are worried that u made a bad impression and and he reassures you that they loved you <3 thank you <3

thank you sm for the request. hope you like it.

❤️

jungkook x reader

fluff/comfort, reader has anxiety, mention of therapy.

800 words.

You walked up the front door of his friends house, anxiety increasing by the second. But of course, your loving boyfriend has been very patient with you all day. Very sympathetic to your worries about meeting his friends. Not enough, however, to let you stay home.

“Stop dragging your feet, babe.” he said as you sat in his desk chair, hands coming behind you to lazily massage your shoulders. He was right. Yes, you were stalling. But you weren’t about to admit it.

“I’m not, kook. Its just, there’s something wrong with your chair! I have to figure it out before something happens!” you said, feigning innocence.

“Yeah cutie. I totally appreciate you looking out for me. But… it can wait until we get back.” he replied, looking at you knowingly.

“Yeah, I mean technically it could wait but, what if we forget?” you asked, much quieter this time.

“We won’t forget, baby. I’ll put it at the top of the list.” he said, pointing to his head.

“You don’t have to worry about a thing. Everything is gonna be okay. Don’t think about the chair too much, okay?” he said sweetly, rubbing your back up and down. You both knew he wasn’t really talking about the chair.

“Okay, thank you.” you said with a half smile, looking up at him. He knew you were trying. “Gentle encouragement” is what the therapist has called it. Your sweet boyfriend agreed to attend a session with you, listening very intently to everything that was said. You could tell he really cared. But the only downside was now he was too aware. He knew your antics, and wouldn’t let you close in on yourself.

So that led you to where you are right now. Standing outside his friend namjoon’s house. Six random people you had never met before. And your boyfriend talked about them endlessly. They meant so much to him and you were worried that something bad would happen, that they might not like you.

“Your hand is shaking like a leaf babe, relax.” He grabbed your hand into his, sending you a soft smile.

“I’ll be with you the whole time, mkay?” he cocked his head cutely at you, sending a reassuring look your way.

“Mkay.” you said back, mocking his voice.

Jungkook extended his free arm to open the door, and you braced for the worst.

Only a few hours. You can do this.

Your boyfriend led you into the house, slowly making your way through the hall towards the living room, where several voices were heard overlapping each other.

You almost reached the source, when a voice behind you interrupted the tension you felt in your chest.

“Y/N? Jungkook?”

You guys turned around at the call. A tall man was smiling fondly at the two of you.

Jungkook let go of you momentarily to hug the man, who was still smiling at you kindly.

“Did he say y/n?”

“Oh my god I think so.”

Before you knew it, multiple people flooded into the hallway. They all exchanged hugs with your boyfriend. A couple of them even hugged you too. They were all welcoming, but it was so crowded, and the hall was starting to feel smaller, and your shirt was too tight. And-

“Let’s go sit down shall we?” Jungkook smiled at them, hand settling on your lower back. A nice grounding feeling. They all agreed and made their way back to the living room. You guys were the last to walk in, far enough behind for him to discreetly whisper in your ear.

“I’ve got you babe. You’re doing amazing.”

As the night went on, the boys enthusiastically told stories about their youngest member. They didn’t spare him either. It was funny watching him cringe, leaning into you to hide from the embarrassment. This went on for what felt like only few minutes, until jungkook quietly asked if you were ready to go. You confusedly clicked your phone screen on, only to see that 3 hours had passed.

“Oh my god!” you whisper yelled.

“I didn’t realize it had gotten so late, I’m sorry.” You whisper yelled. Not that the boys would have noticed anyways. They were in their own world arguing about the timeline of a story.

“That’s okay baby, I’m glad you’re having a good time, it’s nice to see you all getting along like this.” he said looking at you fondly, before letting out a yawn.

“Tired?” you asked with a smile.

“Yeahh.” he admitted giggling.

“Alright, let’s tell them bye.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to separate you from your new besties.” he joked.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Besides, we can hang out for longer next time. We can meet up earlier in the day.”

“Next time?” He asked teasingly.

“Next time.” you confirmed.

❤️

[chaithetics]

Porcelain and the Shark: The Engagement

Pairing: Stewy Hosseini x f (Roy) reader

(reader has anxiety, no use of y/n, physical descriptions or other names but does have the nickname Porcelain/Porce - due to family viewing her that way not because of her complexion)

Word count: 4.8K

Prompt: they go to Logan to announce their engagement, he’s pleased that his baby is marrying a “shark” and that she’ll be “taken care of” and that Stewy is joining the family. Stewy is happy to let him believe he’ll be “joining them” when in reality he’s taking her. He’s just waiting for the marriage license to be signed. Shiv is pissed when she finds out her baby sister is getting married before her, finally stops blowing off Tom about moving in together and pushes it forward lol

Chapter warning: 18+ MDNI (smut-free fic) established relationship, fluff, soft Stewy, anxious reader, anxiety/panic attacks, a few f bombs, mentions/allusions to childhood abuse, canonical Roy Roy family being Roys...

Authors note: Sorry for the delay in this one! I've been blown away at the love that the Stewy fics have gotten but it's been so, so, so touching how much love Porcelain and the Shark has gotten and how it's resonated with people. It makes me so happy, I absolutely adore you all and I hope you enjoy this installment! This hasn't been proofread properly (obviously), and I feel like the ending is a bit rough (I really just wanted to get this out haha). Thank you again to the nonnie who sent in the original asks and inspired this! Please do let me know what you all think! Comments, reblogs and asks are more than welcome and very much appreciated!

******************************

Stewy had proposed a couple of days ago and it was perfect, to say the least. He hadn’t bombarded you with a grand gesture, done it in a public space, you’d felt no pressure or anxiety over any of it. The last few days had been spent in a blissful, engaged, Stewy-encompassing bubble. You weren’t quite prepared yet for it to burst by being brought back to the real world and sharing that news with your family. 

There was a family lunch today. You and Stewy had discussed attending that and that being the opportunity to tell your family, then there was dinner with the Hosseinis to share the news as well. You were grateful for that at least. Stewy’s family were much more stable and kinder than yours. They had always been more welcoming to you and had treated you better than your own family had. You knew they’d be happy about the news and Stewy did too, it would be nice to have some family members genuinely be happy about it you thought. 

Connor would be happy without a doubt so that was something. Kendall would be more civil than your siblings but it would also depend on his mood. Shiv and Roman were responses you weren't looking forward to. And well, your father was painfully unpredictable. 

You’re still lying in the bed, wrapped up in the duvet. Feeling content at the idea of never leaving the bed when Stewy comes out of the shower, he smiles at you as he walks over to the walk-in closet and starts to pick out his ensemble for the day. 

“I don’t want to go and tell him.” You say, breaking the comfortable silence. 

“Are you regretting this?” Stewy asks somewhat earnestly as he finishes dressing. 

“No, not at all. He’s just scary.”

You didn’t regret it at all, you loved being with Stewy and you were excited about the whole concept of this being another milestone in the relationship. He made you extremely happy and you were in love with him. But you did find your father terrifying and you knew that your siblings would probably find a way to trample on this. You didn’t want to subject Stewy to that and well any venom that might leave your father’s mouth. 

“I’ll hold your hand the whole time.” He quietly promises. 

It's not a cure. Or a perfect solution but it's a reassuring and loving one. It's something.

“Okay.” You whisper, you look up at him as he comes over and puts one of your hands into both of his, they’re warm and soft. He gives your hand a reassuring squeeze in his comforting hold and then brings your hand up to his lips to press a gentle kiss there. 

**************** 

There are butterflies floating around in your stomach when you arrive at your father’s penthouse, even with Stewy firmly behind you. As you enter both of you are quickly greeted by Marcia, the perfect hostess, as usual, you can feel the butterflies with every movement and breath and you swear they’re somehow multiplying and bypassing the whole cocoon stage. 

You’re too anxious to carry out a conversation with Marcia that goes beyond the polite pleasantries as even that’s difficult. Stewy carries the conversation which you’re grateful for. Part of his body is pressed behind you and his hand rubs circles gently onto your hip. Marcia immediately notices the anxiety on you. Your eyes are widened and your head occasionally turns when you become startled hearing your siblings argue and jest. 

“Mon chéri, are you feeling okay?” Marcia asks you, you panic for a second tripping over words in your head and nod. Stewy looks at your face carefully, hating that you’re so anxious. It’s radiating off your body like its own energy source and he can feel it. 

“Mmhmm.” You hum nervously and your voice is in a higher pitch than usual as you lean into Stewy a little more. 

“Okay, okay.” She says softly at you. She gives your arm a little squeeze and then walks past you, pretending it’s for the sake of going back to greet other guests in the house but you and Stewy know it’s because of your state and she wants to give you a moment. 

“We can say you’re unwell if you want to go home. We can do this another time.” Stewy murmurs into your hair as he presses a kiss to the top of your head. You sigh out, and shake your head slightly. 

“No, no. It’s okay, I think we just need to tell Dad and it’ll go.” He nods and chews on the inside of his cheek for a moment before giving you another kiss on the top of your head. 

“Time to find Sir Roy.” He says in a more playful tone, hoping that’ll ease you out of the anxiety cocoon a little and bring a bit of positivity to the tense air that is all that can be breathed in in the penthouse. 

“Are you okay?” Roman asks. 

“Y-yes, yes, yes.” He looks at you, not a single line of belief is etched into his face so you continue with your voice breaking a little. “Yes! Yes, Roman.” 

“You sure? Because you kinda sound and look like the ‘before’ in an ad for Xanax.” His tone’s somewhat playful but there’s a look in his eyes that has concern. It was pretty visible you were pretty anxious and on the verge of a panic attack or you’d already had one. Roman couldn’t tell but his gaze was a bit softer for a moment as he looked at you. 

Roman’s gaze flickered to Stewy for a moment, Roman did think it was a bit odd how quiet Stewy was and wondered if that was a cause for anxiety but you still seemed more comfortable around him than anyone else. 

“Dad?” You squeak out as your gaze locks on your father’s before Roman can ask you another question about your state. 

“Yes, Porce?” He responds looking over at you curiously, the squeak catches his attention. He walks a bit closer taking in a large apprehension in your eyes.  

Logan thinks you look as fragile as ever, his faint-hearted porcelain doll of a daughter is the literal thought he has, he almost says it to you. Stewy sees the thought in your father’s face and it makes him uncomfortable. He hates how you’ve always been viewed as a fragile piece of fine chinaware that needs to be kept on a shelf, locked away almost or else you’re at risk of slipping and cracking which would be twisted amusement to your family. 

“Can we go into the study for a minute please?” You quietly ask as you fidget with your fingers, trying to give him the most pleasant smile you can while trying not to draw attention to yourself, despite knowing it’s useless. 

He looks at you and his brow quickly furrows and then his gaze which is strongly laced with suspicion lands on Stewy. 

“No, nothing’s wrong Dad, just please-”

“What is it?” He asks more firmly, his patience slipping for a moment as he glares at his future son-in-law. 

His attention stays on Stewy before briefly turning back to you for a moment. He doesn’t look or sound impressed. The command in his voice has now caught the attention of everyone else in the penthouse. Their eyes focus on the three of you and you can feel it. 

“Study. Please. Dad.” You breathe out. Stewy begins to start rubbing his hand in a comforting circle on your back. 

“Please, Mr Roy? Just a quick chat about some good news?” Stewy asks as he continues to stand next to you for support. His voice is level, far more confident and assertive than yours. Logan looks at you again, it’s the doe-eyed eyes of his porcelain doll who rarely asks for anything that makes him give in to the request. 

“Oh fuck it, fine.” Logan huffs out as he then walks to the study. You follow behind him and Stewy gives your side a little squeeze as his hand stays on your back. His body is practically pressed against your side as a reminder that he’s here. You try to focus on your breathing and take deep breaths as you head to the study. 

You walk into the study and Logan leans against the desk, raising his eyebrows at you and waving his hands out in a dramatic gesture for you to spill whatever it is. Your heart is pounding so loud, it feels like somebody has gone inside of you to record it just so they can blast it in your ears like an obnoxious podcast. You can tell your father is becoming impatient as you twiddle with your fingers. 

Your hands shake a little and you try to ground yourself with the calming sensation of Stewy’s hand still on your back. His other hand quickly softly holds onto one of your hands, as he fulfils his earlier promise his hand gently squeezes yours. 

“Stewy and I, we’re engaged. He um, Stewy proposed a couple of nights ago. We wanted to tell you first.” You finally get out. 

“Oh.” 

“Oh?” You're terrified at that response, somehow it feels more chilling than if he'd been vocal with disdain. It's the uncertain nature. Stewy, rubs his thumb over your hand picking up on how you tensed up again. There’s an undecipherable blank look on Logan’s face that makes you want to melt into Stewy. 

“That’s good.” Logan had looked down briefly and now he’s looked back up, his gaze is on you but it then flicks over to Stewy and stays there for a moment. 

“Thank you-” 

“Marrying a shark.” 

“What?” You immediately, sharply blurt out as your eyes widen, Stewy’s eyes widen at that as well and his eyebrows dramatically raise so high that they nearly touch his hairline. 

“No,  I’m glad, he’ll… he'll look after you.” He looks at Stewy, it’s an expression that doesn’t contain disdain but you have absolutely no idea what it is. You quickly think that could be worse. “You need that. I’m glad that you’re taken care of in that way, Porce.” You and Stewy are silent at that but then your father continues again. "Are you pregnant?” 

“No, we’re not. That wasn’t a factor in this sir.” Stewy promptly responds as he looks at Logan. 

Stewy’s trying to be polite like he always is, polite like how his parents raised him to always be. His loving parents that are nothing like yours. He wants to say that you don’t need protecting, everyone knows about your anxiety but that doesn’t make you the porcelain doll or dormouse that they think of and treat you as. That what you have is a loving and respectful partnership of equals not designated roles of perceived weaknesses and strengths. 

But he knows that would sour this moment and that it would make everything worse. You know that marrying Stewy makes it easier to step away even more from your family. In the ways that matter and are more detrimental. It’s something you’re both more than aware of. 

“I can expect grandchildren though?” He asks the question seriously. The question felt prepared and he surprisingly looked almost disappointed in Stewy’s answer, which greatly surprises you. He wasn’t as cruel to Sophie and Iverson as he had been to you and your siblings but nobody would call him a warm and doting grandparent. You find the interest odd to say the least and Stewy shares that opinion as well. 

“Well yes.” You’re a little more at ease but still taken aback at the whole conversation and the nature of this topic is beginning to make you feel a little uncomfortable. “Eventually… That’s the plan…” 

You and Stewy had discussed children and were in agreement about that but it was still a couple of years away at least. The idea of timing was something you’d both agreed on and you were happy with it. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t excited about the idea of Stewy as a father. 

“Good, good. Well, that’s good Porce. Well uh congratulations to you both.” He says it as he appears to be thinking something that he’s not voicing, he appears to be choosing his words carefully but he then gives you a hug.

 “Well, welcome to the family officially, I suppose.” He says as he shakes Stewy’s hand. “You should tell the others, celebratory lunch now, huh.” His gaze is serious but it looks almost content, he’s not looking at either you or Stewy though. You have no idea how to interpret any of that. Then he leaves the study and closes the door behind him. 

“Well-” 

“That was weird.” You finish off for Stewy. He nods at that. As you’re both left in the now silent shadow of your father’s chaos. The study feels a lot more quieter and larger now that he’s gone, almost darker you think. 

“Yeah, it was.” He says as he rests his chin against your shoulder and presses a few soft kisses to your neck. “How are you feeling?” 

“Um.” You pause to think for a moment, you’re definitely less physically anxious now but it’s still there a bit and your mouth feels a bit dry. But you don’t know how to feel, you should feel happy and celebrated by your family in this moment and you know it could’ve gone worse, part of you was expecting that. But you didn’t expect this overwhelming sense of confusion, it engulfs you. “Better. Weird though I guess, I don’t know what to make of that all really.” You answer as you relax into his warm arms. He presses some more soft kisses to you as a response and you lift one of his hands up to your lips to press a gentle kiss there. 

 “I guess we break the news to everyone now?” He breathes out against your neck, it tickles a little and gets a small giggle out of you. 

“I guess so.” You whisper while nodding, even though you want to stay frozen like this in Stewy’s proximity. It’s free of cruel words and unreadable gazes. 

Your father broke the news almost immediately as you and Stewy were out of the study. Marcia congratulated you both and seemed genuinely happy for you. Connor immediately hugged you and he gave Stewy a hug as well. That was sweet you thought and you were grateful for Connor's kindness, Shiv had just nodded at the whole thing which wasn’t too surprising. Something was bound to be said soon you knew. You then saw the glint in Roman's eyes and immediately knew you didn't want to hear whatever was going to come out so you went in search of the wine, even though Marcia had asked some of the staff to get out champagne. Shiv quickly follows you. 

“How did that go?” Kendall asks as he sidles up to Stewy, ignoring the fact that Connor was in the middle of a sentence to Stewy. 

“Well he called me a shark,” Stewy says bluntly as he takes a sip from his glass, watching Shiv follow you and start a conversation. The conversation didn't look too tense yet Stewy noted.  Kendall looks confused for a second as he processes what Stewy said but is brought back as Roman snorts loudly behind them and laughs like a hyena. “So you know, fucking A- considering everything.” Stewy bluntly continued. 

“Fuck, that’s amazing!” Roman says still laughing, Stewy raises his eyebrows and gives him a bemused look. 

"Well, it's you know something…" Connor says noting that Stewy looks impressively unaffected by the moniker. 

"Do you remember when Porce went vegetarian? Marrying a marine apex predator, that's like… just so Greenpeace ally of her!" Roman teases in a feminine vocal fry register. "But hey, congratulations man for joining the gilded cage!" 

"Rome-" Connor says. 

***********

“So what, housewife Hosseini?” Shiv asks as she comes to stand right behind you. 

“Well I’ll be wife Hosseini at least, haven't decided on the rest. Looking down on housewives Shiv?” You ask somewhat innocently while looking at the bottles of wine. 

“You’re going to change it?” She asks shocked, her voice goes up and there’s a look of horror etched onto her face. 

“My name?” You don't dare to look away from the labels, you know the answer, you know what she thinks but you don't want to know what the expression is on her face, you don’t want to see it. 

“You’re not changing it to Hosseini are you?” She's audibly horrified at the prospect her voice heavily tinged with disgust that's clear. “Probably, I don’t know. It’s still early betrothed days.” You answer softly, trying to ignore the anxiety your sister gives you and instead on the love you have for her. Shiv stands back for a second and chuckles humourlessly.

“You’re un-fucking-believable! You know that right?” She exclaims. 

You then look up at your older sister as you pick a bottle up and start pouring yourself a glass. You do it somewhat unflinchingly, which shocks her but she does her best to hide it, you see a glimmer of it in her always piercing blue eyes though. She’s especially surprised as she’d seen how you were when you came in and started the conversation with Logan. 

"Do you want one?" You ask. You're not sure what else to say to her other than that. 

"No- God. Fuck off." Her tone is now irritated and she looks at you for a moment, analysing you like you're a foreign species that's never been encountered before. One that horrifies and intrigues her all at once.  She pauses for a moment thinking over her words. "You know, Tom and I are planning to move in. It's basically all confirmed." 

Her manner is curt, you sense another shift in the tension. It makes your shoulders tighten a little. 

“Oh? That’s great news, Shiv. Congratulations, I’m happy for you both!” You say to your sister and she just continues to analyse you for a few more seconds longer than you’d like so you turn around to walk away with your glass of wine. 

Shiv then goes to talk to your father and you see your brothers talking to Stewy. Tom awkwardly stands on the outskirts of the inner circle that has been formed, it’s typical fashion of your brothers to essentially, completely ignore Tom. You can’t help but feel sorry for the socially awkward, desperate-to-be-liked man. He hasn’t been in the picture as long as Stewy, Rava or Grace which doesn’t help his case either. 

“Hey Tom, how are you?” You ask somewhat quietly as you come to stand by him. He jumps a little at the sudden movement and acknowledgement but visibly relaxes when he sees it’s you. 

“Uh hi, good, good, good. How are you? Well obviously good!” He awkwardly laughs for a small moment and you politely smile at him. “But congratulations! That’s exciting.” He nods while speaking. 

“Thank you! And congratulations to you too!” He smiles at you but his brow furrows a little at that. “About you and Shiv- she said you two are finally moving in?” 

“Oh? Oh! Well, we’d talked about it a few times but she was a bit uh hesitant… I didn’t know… When did she uh say this?” He asks. 

You can see the confusion on his face, a glimpse of detectable sadness. He doesn’t have an issue being this frank with you because he doesn’t view you as a threat or a manipulator. It would be an entirely different and even more painfully awkward conversation if it was your brothers. 

“Just-just before Tom. It might’ve just been good news girl talk before she wanted to chat with you. I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah, yeah sure. It was probably just girl talk.” He says it unconvincingly, more to himself than you.  

You and Tom both know it wasn’t girl talk. You and Shiv have never done anything like that. It’s clear to both of you that this was some way to try and draw attention away from your news. You know that it’s also linked to the fact that you’ve reached a milestone before her, one that she wishes she’d gotten to before you, especially because of your father’s reaction. It was part of a Shiv mind game because every Roy child was preprogrammed to compete in every aspect of life. But in particular, for your father’s affection and praise. 

“Well um, would you excuse me, please? Thank you.” He says and you nod and then he’s gone. 

"Eating you alive?" You ask with a small smile directed at Stewy as you step closer towards him and your brothers. He shakes his head softly at you and smiles warmly. It’s such a comforting sight, there’s just pure adoration in his features and it’s the nicest feeling. You can’t help but smile widely at him.

Roman lets out another loud, hyena-esque laugh at your question though. "We're the shark meat here." He quips with a large, goofy smirk. 

"You told them?” You question with a sigh while looking from Roman to Stewy.  “He'll never shut up about it! It's going to be a lifetime of shark jokes now." You say to Stewy and he smirks at you with a slight shrug. 

He doesn't really care what they say or think, it's only your voice he actually wants to listen to in this room and only your thoughts that he cares about. Your smile makes a lifetime of bad shark jokes from Roman worth it. As long as you're happy is what he thinks. Stewy also knows that this helps create more boundaries for you and a degree of separation for you to set and maintain more boundaries while getting further away from the haunted house. 

"You could've snuck-swam! Swam in a shark pun or something in there at least. God." Roman responds before walking off to get a champagne flute. 

“Maybe it’s time for you all to swim to the table for lunch?” Marcia says with a smile on her face that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, especially evident when Roman scoffs at her. 

“So?” Kendall comes over, leaning against your seat as he looks down at you as you sit down. Not everybody is in here yet and his tone is a bit playful but quiet. 

“So?” You ask back, dragging out each syllable. 

“You’re happy with everything?”

“Mmm.” You hum. “Why? If not, you’re going to storm the facilities for a different ring cut?” You ask with a small laugh as you tilt your head to look into his eyes, they twinkle a little as he smirks. 

“Uh-huh. I already have several people on standby, with uh fucking pitchforks and everything.” He banters back. 

“Such an organised and onto-it big brother must be the Capricorn in your chart.” 

“Well, I haven’t prepared for everything.” He says before taking a sip from his drink. 

“Oh?” You ask curious where this train of thought of his is going to go. 

“Still working on a plan to take out the uh groom-to-be if that’s required. Which it’s bound to be at some stage, for my uh sake if not yours.” He teases, your brow furrows at that and he can’t help but laugh at seeing that expression on your face. It reminds him of the shock and grumpy expression that would occasionally plaster itself onto your face as a child. 

“I’ll send you my next therapy invoice.” 

“If any of us kids should be paying for that, it’s Roman.” He says and you both laugh at that and nod. 

“You’re not wrong.” You reply as you look away from him to where Roman stands talking to Grace and Shiv. 

You then slump against the back of the chair and sink down a bit into it and look up at Kendall he laughs at that and then the humour leaves his eyes and they’re more serious as he looks down, hovering over you. 

“You are happy though?” He asks again, his tone more serious than before. You nod. 

“Yes. Extremely” You say as you look up at him and then poke his nose gently with a little popping noise. He rolls his eyes and laughs. 

“So mature.” 

“You’re the one that was offering to off my husband.” 

“It was a uh you know, heads up not an offer. Plan hasn’t been finalised for it to be a formal offer.” He immediately says. 

“Uh-huh. Because that makes all the difference.” 

“You fucking bet it does.” He says before going to take his seat next to Logan. 

************** 

The rest of the lunch had gone surprisingly okay for Roy standards. You were now at the home you and Stewy shared, recuperating from today’s lunch and getting ready for dinner at Stewy’s parents. Fortunately, that would be something that wouldn’t be emotionally and socially taxing at all, especially in comparison to your family’s gatherings. 

You’re in the ensuite finishing getting ready when Stewy comes over leaning against the doorframe, you give him a smile and you can see that he’s thinking about something as he watches you. 

“Wait a second,” Stewy says as his eyes focus on you in concentration. 

“What?” You ask looking at him quizzically. 

“There’s something in your eye.” 

“There’s nothing in my eye?” It comes out as more of a question than a statement as your tone is laced with confusion. 

“Yes, there is. Just wait!” He says sweetly as he comes over with a smile on his face, he plants one hand softly on your hip and the other on your cheek as he looks into your eyes closely, inspecting them. Your cheeks heat up at the intimacy of the touch and the look in his eyes.  

“I don’t feel anything Stewy-” 

“Just wait a second honey, please.” He pretends to get something from your eye that’s obviously not there and pulls it away with a pleased smile on his face. You chuckle a little at that and his smile widens at the sound of your laugh. 

His hand stays on your hip and his other quickly returns back to your cheek, his eyes are on your lips for a moment before they go back to your eyes. The sweetness in his eyes is still there but the playfulness is gone, replaced with just love and affection. 

“What was that for?” You gently prod and he flashes you another smile. 

“You’re just really pretty.” You giggle a little at that and he chuckles as well. “I just wanted an excuse to look at your pretty eyes again close up.” He admits with a genuine smile still on his face as he continues to look into your eyes. Your cheeks heat up again at that. 

“You don’t need an excuse for that.” You whisper while looking at his soft lips. “But that was pretty smooth Hosseini.” 

“Thank you, I’m glad you think so Mrs Hosseini to be.” He responds as he notices your gaze on his mouth. 

He quickly tilts his head and presses his lips against yours as his thumb brushes against your cheek. You wrap your arms around the back of his neck as your mouth opens to invite him in more, deepening the kiss. You continue to kiss, for longer than you probably should if you’re going to get to his family’s place on time. 

You eventually break away for air and he smiles at you, he looks absolutely smitten and that’s how you feel about him. 

“We need to go soon.” 

“Oh?” He asks playfully as if he’s oblivious to the dinner plans. 

“If we want to make it on time, we shouldn’t be late…” He then leans again to start pressing kisses against your jaw and then along your neck. He hums in agreement against your throat at that and you gasp at that. “Stewy!” 

“You’re already Baba’s favourite and I’m his son so I don’t think you need to worry.” He breathes out in between kisses. You giggle at that and nod. 

“Exactly, so I can’t risk that, can I?” You say with a smirk, he sighs out against your neck and it tickles. You gently place your fingers on his jaw and guide him back up for another deep kiss on the lips. 

“I suppose, we can go now.” He says melodramatically before he presses a kiss to your forehead. 

“How generous of you.” You say while smiling at him while wiping some of your lipstick off of him. 

[chelseachilly]

the easy silence that you make for me

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: you’ve been struggling with anxiety due to stress at work recently, and you refuse to let ben see it until he flies you out to mykonos for the weekend and you can’t keep it in anymore (fluff + light angst) warnings: mentions of an anxiety attack word count: 5k

author’s note: thanks to the anon who requested this, it was nice to write something quick (which ended up being 5k lmao) before embarking on my next ben multi-chap! if anyone has any more concept/one-shot requests for ben in the meantime feel free to send them my way 🥰

-

After an exhausting season for Chelsea and a particularly difficult one for Ben with his second major injury in two years and missing the World Cup, you know badly he’s in need of a holiday.

When he tells you of his travel plans with the boys for the beginning of summer, a part of you feels relieved that he’s going to finally get the chance to unwind with his mates and leave the past year behind him.

Another part of you, though, is dreading him being away.

You haven’t wanted to bother Ben with it, as he’s had enough of his own stuff going on, but work has been kicking your arse lately. You got promoted recently and although it seemed great at first, it’s more responsibility than you anticipated and much more stress.

The only solace you’ve found during this time has been in Ben. Although you haven’t let him see how much you’re struggling, just his presence is incredibly comforting to you. To come home after a long, terrible day and find him standing in the kitchen making you dinner in his underwear, a bright smile on his face when he sees you, is all the remedy you need.

The moment he leaves for Spain, you feel your mental health start to decline. You know you can’t be with him all the time, and you’ve certainly dealt with separations before when he was away on international break, but this is by far the hardest one yet.

Ben texts you constantly throughout the trip, updating you on the fun he’s having with the boys at the F1 and telling you how much he wishes you were there with him. Obviously, you can’t take weeks off to follow him around Europe, as much as you wish you could.

You struggle more and more as the first two weeks of his time away comes to an end. The days are long, as you work yourself to the bone and come home completely exhausted, but the nights are even harder as you find it increasingly difficult to fall asleep without Ben next to you.

One night, when you know for a fact that Ben is chilling with the boys at the house they’ve rented in Mykonos as you’re tossing and turning in bed, you admit defeat and reach for your phone to text him. It’s a couple hours later there, but they’re probably still up.

You Hey, are you still awake? x

Ben ❤️ Yeah, what’s up baby? Everything ok?

You Just having trouble sleeping

Your phone starts ringing within seconds, and you accept Ben’s call right away.

“Hi,” you mumble quietly into the phone, sitting up a bit in bed.

“Are you alright, love?” Ben asks you, his voice full of concern.

“I’m fine,” you say quickly, snuggling into the pillow that still smells a bit like him. “I just miss you.”

It’s not the entire truth, but you know it’s all you can say to him without him booking a flight home to you this instant and abandoning his holiday, so you leave it at that.

“Oh, babe, I miss you too,” Ben sighs. “One more week, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agree halfheartedly, though that feels like centuries right now.

“Are you really okay?” Ben asks worriedly. “Because I can come home-“

“No way, Ben,” you cut him off. “You’re not coming home early for me, I won’t allow it.”

“But-“

“I’m fine, I swear,” you lie. “I just needed to hear your voice for a bit.”

That part is true - Ben’s soft, soothing voice is like music to your ears, making you feel more relaxed already.

There are muffled voices on the other end for a moment, and then Ben speaks again.

“Why don’t you fly out after work tomorrow and spend the weekend here?”

Although the thought of being in Ben’s arms less than 24 hours from now is incredibly appealing, you can’t help but feel hesitant.

For one thing, you don’t want to spend the money on a last-minute flight, and though you know Ben will offer to pay for it, you don’t like how much money he spends on you as it is.

You also feel a bit weird crashing his boys trip, knowing that none of the other guys’ girlfriends are there at the moment and you would be the only one.

When you voice these concerns to Ben, however, he won’t hear it.

“Babe, don’t be silly, we’d love to have you. I just asked the boys and they all agreed,” he insists. “And I’m getting you a flight right now-“

“Ben, I-“

“Look, I miss you like crazy too, so it’s more of a gift for me than anything else,” he tells you. “We’ll just have a nice relaxing weekend and you’ll be back at work for Monday. Please, Y/N?”

You pause for a moment, but you know you’re incapable of saying no to him, especially when you miss him this badly and are struggling so much.

“Alright, I’ll come,” you say with a small smile.

“Yes! I can’t wait to see you,” Ben responds, and you can hear his grin through the phone. “I’ll send you the flight details and pick you up at the airport when you get here. Just try to get some sleep now, okay?”

The thought of being able to fall asleep in his arms tomorrow is just enough to be able to lull you to rest tonight, so after exchanging “I love you”s you bid him goodnight and close your eyes.

-

The next day, your anxiety persists as you hurry to finish up your work responsibilities so that you can make your flight on time.

Unfortunately, a last-minute emergency (which there seem to be a lot of these days) at the office means that you have to scramble to get out of there on time to get home, pack, and make your way to the airport.

Your stress dissipates a bit as you settle in for the flight, enjoying the comfy first class seat Ben got you and a couple glasses of champagne. Most importantly, you remind yourself that you’ll soon be by Ben’s side and everything will be right in your world again.

By the time you land on Mykonos, you’re already feeling a bit better, but it’s nothing compared to when you see your boyfriend for the first time in two weeks.

He’s standing in the arrivals area, wearing a simple black t-shirt and shorts with his blue Nikes. He’s slightly tan, his hair is a bit tousled, and he looks more relaxed than you’ve seen him all year. He also looks incredibly attractive to you right now (even more so than usual) which could be his whole holiday vibe or the fact that you haven’t seen him in weeks - or both.

The moment he sees you, his bright blue-green eyes that rival the colour of the sea you just flew over light up and his face stretches into a smile.

He jogs over to you with open arms and you meet him halfway, dropping your bag to throw your arms around him and hug him tightly.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Ben mumbles into your hair as he hugs you just as close, briefly lifting your feet off the ground. “God, I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” you sigh into his neck, pressing a few quick kisses there. “So much, Ben.”

You could almost cry from the relief of being held by him, his hand rubbing circles on your lower back and the scent of his aftershave as you breathe him in making your worries melt away.

When Ben tries to pull back a bit and you reflexively cling to him tighter, not ready to let him go, he just tightens his grip on you and presses a kiss to your temple.

“Is everything okay, love?” he whispers near your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.

Of course, after a couple of years together, Ben is able to read you pretty easily. Between your phone call last night and the way you’re clinging to him like a lifeline right now, it’s fairly obvious that something is up with you.

“Yeah, I’m good,” you say to him, grateful your face is still buried in his neck so he can’t tell you’re lying.

You aren’t all good, but you are better than you’ve been since he left, and you aren’t going to waste your weekend together before another week and a half apart. There’s still a pit of anxiety in your stomach, but you’re determined to not let that ruin your time with him or his holiday.

To prove your point, you pull back from him and take his face in your hands, admiring him for a moment before pulling him in for a long kiss.

He sighs into your mouth and grips your waist tighter as you kiss him, both of you wanting it to escalate more than you reasonably can in the middle of an airport.

When you pull away, resting your forehead against his for a moment, you think the kiss may have erased Ben’s previous concern from his mind, but no such luck.

“You promise you’re alright?” Ben murmurs, cupping your face and brushing your cheek with his thumb. “I was worried about you last night.”

Your heart swells with affection for a moment at his gentle concern, but then you remember this is the last thing you want - Ben should be relaxing, not worrying about you.

“I promise, babe,” you say with another gentle peck to his lips. “I was just missing you, but I’m good now. Perfect, actually.”

Ben nods, though he still looks slightly unconvinced. He does drop the subject though, at least for now.

Grabbing your bag in one hand and your hand in the other, Ben leads you out of the airport to the car that’s waiting to take you back to the house.

You can tell how much lighter he seems than the last time you saw him, telling you excitedly about everything he and the boys have been getting up to and how nice it’s been.

When you arrive at the beautiful house with an infinity pool overlooking the sea, you’re greeted with enthusiasm by all of Ben’s mates. They’re always nice to you, and have been since you first met them at the beginning of the relationship, but you wonder if Ben told them to be extra nice or something - Harvey has you in a tight hug and Anish is offering you a cocktail before you’re even through the door.

You all settle into the patio furniture out back with some drinks and dinner that the guys made, enjoying some music and the gorgeous sunset over the water. It takes you a bit of time to ease into the relaxation after being so tense for weeks, but it’s hard not to feel at total peace when you’re in such a beautiful place surrounded by people you love.

You’re curled up on the sofa with Ben, your legs draped over his lap and your hands intertwined, when the idea of going to a club is suggested.

While all the others are in agreement, Ben turns to you and murmurs quietly in your ear.

“Totally up to you, babe,” he says. “I’d be just as happy to stay here with you and watch a film or something.”

As appealing as it sounds to stay in alone with Ben, all the boys seem to be buzzing to go out and you don’t want to put a damper on things by insisting he stay here with you.

“No, let’s go,” you say with a small smile, trying to encourage yourself as well. “It’ll be fun, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ben grins, leaning in to kiss you.

You quickly get ready while Ben takes a quick shower, grateful that you remembered to bring one outfit suitable for going out, a simple light blue dress with matching heels.

You’re just doing up the straps on your shoes, sitting on the bed, when Ben walks out of the bathroom with just a towel around his waist. You take a moment to admire your boyfriend, your eyes raking over his defined muscles.

“You look incredible,” Ben says, walking in your direction with a smile on his face.

“You look pretty good right now, too,” you tease, very obviously checking him out.

“Oh yeah?” Ben smirks, coming closer and bending down to kiss you.

“Mhm,” you mumble against his lips, hands resting on his bare shoulders as you anchor yourself to him, pulling him in for another deep kiss.

You’re interrupted by the sound of someone knocking, immediately followed by Tom’s voice on the other side of the door.

“I’ve ordered the Uber, hurry up you two!”

Ben groans and reluctantly pulls away from you with one more quick kiss.

“To be continued,” he says emphatically as he goes to get dressed.

“Definitely,” you chuckle, already looking forward to getting lost in him the moment you get back tonight.

Within ten minutes, you’re all out the door and on the way to the club. It’s a big, glamorous beachfront club that’s already packed with hundreds of people by the time you arrive. Clubbing was never really your thing, but you’ve found that the ones Ben and his friends go to - on the higher end, with decent music and comfy booths - are generally pretty fun.

Harvey gives your names at the door and soon you’re immersed in the party, Ben’s arm wrapped protectively around your waist as you navigate the room to get to the VIP section.

The first hour or so you’re there is mostly nice, enjoying the feeling of being pressed up against Ben’s side as you sip on overpriced champagne and enjoy the music. You have fun chatting and catching up with all the boys about their various work endeavours and the girls they’re seeing.

You try to suppress thoughts of work and all the stress that is waiting for you when you return to reality on Monday, and you’re mostly successful.

Until you make the mistake of checking your phone in the bathroom and see a million work-related emails that have piled up since you last looked.

You know everything can wait til after your little weekend getaway is over, but the thought of facing another week of hell without Ben home to calm your nerves is enough to make you begin to spiral. You’re already at your stress limit, and you’re not sure how much more you can take before you hit your breaking point.

Suddenly feeling a need to get back to your group - specifically to Ben - you rush out of the washroom.

The bright strobe lights and the loud music, compounded with the way your mind is already racing makes it hard to breathe. You’re completely disoriented as you look around the room, trying to remember where you’re going as you navigate the sea of people.

All the negative thoughts swimming around in your brain and the stress are heightening your senses, and you nearly lose your footing, having to grab onto a railing for stability.

“Y/N? What are you - are you alright?”

You’re calmed slightly by the familiar voice, managing to look up and meet eyes with Tom in the midst of your impending panic attack. He looks confused and a bit worried, obviously not understanding what’s wrong with you. You don’t really know what’s wrong with you in the moment either, just that you can’t breathe properly and you need Ben.

“Did something happen?” Tom asks again, still frantic.

“I-I can’t-“ you try to say, grabbing Tom’s arm for stability as you once again begin to falter. “Can you-I need-“

Tom says something quickly to Harvey, who you hadn’t even realized was there until just now. A moment later, Harvey is gone, and Tom is gently grabbing your shoulders and leading you away from the music and the crowd.

You don’t notice that he’s taking you outside until you feel the slightly cool air hit you, providing you with some relief and making it somewhat easier to breathe.

Tom leads you to a nearby bench and helps you sit down, and though he’s rubbing your back and trying to talk to you comfortingly, you don’t really register it.

“I need-can you get Ben?” you ask him once you’re able to get a few more words out, and Tom nods immediately.

“He’s coming, don’t worry,” he assures you. “Just try to breathe, he’ll be right here.”

You nod, shutting your eyes tightly to fight back the tears and trying to breathe as well as you can.

As promised, within a few moments you feel a pair of warm hands on yours and you open your eyes to see Ben kneeling in front of you, looking up at you with wide and terrified eyes.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asks you, looking from you to Tom, who is able to offer no explanation. “Are you hurt? Did someone-“

“No, no,” you manage to choke out, wanting to quell his fears before his mind can run too far. “I just-I was trying to find you and I couldn’t-there were so many people and I just-“

You know he still doesn’t fully understand what’s wrong, as you’ve never struggled much with crowds of people before. You’ve been to loads of parties and events together, you’ve supported him in stadiums of thousands of people, and it’s never been an issue. Nevertheless, when you begin to cry more freely, your body continuing to tremble, he quickly moves into the spot Tom has vacated for him and pulls you into his arms.

“Hey, sweetheart, it’s alright,” he murmurs into your hair as he holds you tightly, pulling you closer until you’re basically in his lap. “You found me, I’m here now. I’ve got you.”

You bury your face in his chest, your tears staining his white t-shirt as you cry. Although you can feel the panic in your chest lessening with every second in Ben’s presence, the full weight of all the stress and emotions of the last few months hits you like a freight train.

Ben continues to murmur soothing words to you, stroking your hair with one hand and rubbing your back with the other as your sobs gradually wane.

You manage to get your breathing under control, soaking up the comfort of his touch and the gentle words he’s whispering in your ear.

Eventually, you pull back from him, wiping your mascara-streaked cheeks. Ben is still looking at you with immense concern, one of his hands coming up to cup your cheek.

“Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

You nod your head, grabbing his other hand and squeezing it tightly. You know you need to open up to him. This breakdown is proof that you can’t keep holding it in anymore.

“Okay, I’ll call an Uber,” he says with a quick kiss to your forehead.

“Actually, can we wait a few minutes? Maybe take a walk?” you ask. “I think I just need a bit more fresh air before getting in the car.”

“Of course, babe, let me just tell the boys-“

Before Ben can finish the thought, your friends reappear, having given you some privacy so Ben could comfort you. With a gentle smile, Harvey passes you a glass of water, which you gratefully take.

“You feeling better, Y/N?” Anish asks.

“Yeah, thanks, just got a bit overwhelmed in there,” you say, sipping the cold water. “Sorry, guys, didn’t mean to ruin the night like this.”

“Don’t be silly, you haven’t,” Tom insists. “We were just worried about you.”

You nod appreciatively, laying your head on Ben’s shoulder for a moment as you continue to come down from the panic attack, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on your bare knee.

“You want me to call a car, Chilly?”

“Nah, thanks, mate,” Ben says. “We’re just gonna go for a walk and cool down a bit, you guys go on inside and we’ll see you back at the house.”

“Alright,” Harvey smiles, squeezing your shoulder gently. “Glad you’re okay. See you later.”

The boys all bid you goodbye and go back into the club, leaving you and Ben alone once more. He carefully helps you to your feet, and you lean on him even though you’re much steadier than you were before.

“Wanna go down to the beach?” Ben asks, gesturing toward a path that leads to the shimmering blue water.

You nod, taking his hand in yours and intertwining your fingers as he leads you down the path.

The beach is totally quiet at this time of night, a stark contrast from the loud and bustling club you just left, and you hold Ben’s arm for stability as you take off your heels to carry them. The feeling of the sand beneath your feet and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore helps to calm your senses.

You find a nice, secluded spot to sit and look out at the ocean. Before you can even complain of the slight chill, Ben removes his jacket and drapes it over your shoulders.

“Thank you,” you whisper, reaching out to grab his hand again, needing to maintain physical contact with him.

“Of course,” Ben says, squeezing your hand. “Will you please tell me what’s going on now, babe? You’ve seemed a bit off since you got here, and last night on the phone. I’m worried about you.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” you say. “I didn’t want to ruin your holiday with all this, I’ve just been struggling a bit lately. Work has gotten crazy stressful and so much stuff is piling up on me, it’s been making my anxiety a lot worse than it usually is. Tonight I just happened to check my work email in the toilets and I guess it triggered me, then the noise and the lights and everything were really overwhelming and I could tell I was about to have a panic attack. Luckily, Tom found me before it got too bad.”

Ben, who knows you’ve dealt with anxiety in the past and particularly in uni, just nods in understanding.

“You’ve been struggling these whole two weeks I’ve been gone?” he asks, visibly upset that you’re just telling him now.

It makes it even harder to tell him the full truth, but you know the point of this conversation is to be truly honest with him, even if it’s difficult.

“A few months, actually,” you confess. You see how his face falls completely, and you immediately elaborate. “I know I should’ve told you, but you’ve had such a tough year with the club and the World Cup and everything, I couldn’t bring myself to burden you with anything else.”

His eyes flash with a million different emotions, and for a moment you think he’s going to be mad at you, but he ends up just letting out a defeated sigh.

“You could never be a burden to me, Y/N,” Ben says firmly. “You’re everything to me. It doesn’t matter what I have going on, I need you to tell me if you’re going through something like this. Always.”

“I know, I will,” you reply, squeezing his hand again.

He takes your joined hands and brings them to his lips, pressing a kiss to each of your knuckles.

“I am so sorry I didn’t realize there was something going on earlier,” Ben says after a moment, shaking his head. “I feel like the world’s shittiest boyfriend.”

“Don’t apologize, baby, you’ve been going through a lot yourself,” you remind him.

“Yeah, but you’ve been there for me through all of it. Helping me when I was injured and talking me through every loss, week after week,” Ben sighs, the memories of the past season still fresh. “And I didn’t even know you were dealing with your own problems.”

“It’s alright, Ben, I promise,” you say with a small smile, reaching up to cup his cheek. “I’ve been managing okay, just being with you helps a lot. It’s been hardest these couple weeks you’ve been away.”

“I’m so sorry, if I had known I would have-“

“I know, that’s why I didn’t say anything,” you tell him, your thumb stroking his sweet, concerned features. “You needed this holiday. I didn’t want you to be worrying about me.”

Ben wraps his arm around you and pulls you closer, pressing a kiss to your temple and lingering there.

“Baby,” he murmurs so softly that your heart melts. “I love you, but I need you to be honest with me from now on. It breaks my heart that you were going through this alone.”

You nod, resting your cheek on his shoulder. “I know.”

“And as for the holiday, I think you’re in need of one, too,” he continues, rubbing your back. “You should tell your boss you’re taking the next week off and come to Italy with me. We’ve got the yacht all week.”

There’s nothing that sounds as appealing to you right now as spending a week in paradise, soaking up the sun and enjoying uninterrupted time with Ben, but you don’t know how well it will go over if you tell your boss you’re taking a week off with almost zero notice.

“Ben, you know I want to, but-“

“Babe, you’ve been working yourself like crazy since you started there. You’re one of their best employees and they would be lost without you,” Ben reminds you. “Tell them you need a break. I’m sure your boss will understand, and if she doesn’t, then maybe you should tell them you’ll reevaluate whether you have a future there.”

You know he’s right, but you’re still nervous to give that ultimatum. You’ve hardly taken any vacation in the past year and you’re certainly overdue for it, but it doesn’t come naturally to you to make demands - even when it’s necessary.

“What if they let me go?”

“Then they would be bloody idiots,” Ben scoffs. “You deserve to work somewhere that lets you prioritize your mental health, love. And if that’s not this job, then quit and we’ll find you something else.”

“I can’t just quit my job, Ben,” you chuckle, fiddling with the too-long sleeves of his jacket you’re wearing.

“You can if it doesn’t make you happy,” he replies without a beat. “And please don’t say need a steady income, because you know I don’t give a shit if you ever work another day in your life.”

While you’re aware that most of Ben’s mates - at least the ones in football - don’t have girlfriends with traditional jobs such as yourself, you’ve always liked making your own money. It’s not that you harbour any judgement for those who don’t, but you think you would go stir-crazy if you spent all your time waiting at home for Ben.

“I appreciate the offer, babe, but I think I just need to find a better work-life balance,” you admit. “Maybe a week off isn’t such a bad idea. I can talk to my boss in the morning.”

Ben’s face lights up and he begins to press little kisses all over your face, making your heart soar.

“Perfect, I was dreading saying goodbye to you again,” he confesses. “I hate sleeping without you.”

“So do I,” you murmur, pressing your lips against his briefly, pulling apart when a thought occurs to you. “I don’t have enough clothes for a week.”

“You won’t need them,” Ben replies without missing a beat, making you laugh and shove his chest playfully. “Or we can go shopping. Whatever you want, love.”

You smile into Ben’s kiss and he deepens it quickly, his arm wrapping around you to tug you impossibly closer. You sigh happily, enjoying the serenity and intimacy of this moment.

When you pull back again, he gently cups your cheek and you lean into his warm palm, pressing a quick kiss there.

“Are you feeling better now?” he asks softly. “Do you want to go back to the house?”

“I am feeling better, but I just want to stay here a little longer if that’s alright.”

“Of course, baby,” Ben smiles, shifting slightly and opening his arms wide so you can lean back against him.

He positions you so you’re inbetween his legs, leaning against his chest, with his arms tightly wrapped around you and your hands clutching his.

You’re both silent for a whole, listening to the sound of the sea and enjoying each other’s touch after a long two weeks without it.

“Promise me one more time that you’ll tell me if you’re ever feeling this way again,” Ben murmurs into your hair after a few minutes. “Because seeing you like that is one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. I was so worried.”

Your heart aches a bit as you realize what a sight you must’ve been for your poor worried boyfriend, sobbing incoherently outside the club.

“I promise, Ben,” you say with a squeeze of his hand. “I won’t keep anything from you again.”

“Okay,” he breathes, lips pressed to your head. “I love you so much. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with this by yourself, but I’m really glad you’re here with me now.”

“I love you too,” you say, snuggling deeper into his arms. “And I’m also really glad I’m here.”

Ben continues to press kisses to your head as you stare out at the sea, the comfort of his touch washing over you like the waves lapping against the shore.

Although there will be more hurdles for both of you to face as you continue your respective careers, you know that as long as you have Ben and ensure that you communicate your feelings, everything will be fine.

And in the meantime, you get to spend a week on a yacht with your hot boyfriend. Life could be a lot worse.

[loserlvrss]

꒰ 𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐒𝐘𝐂𝐇𝐄 ꒱ 최승철 & 최한설

summary : you'd gone on a couple of dates between your schedule of running a cafe, complications emerging when two of your closest flings admit their love and leave you confused

genre : fluff, angst, cafe-owner!reader, artist!vernon, surgeon!scoups, bestfriend!dino, bestfriend!seungkwan, love-triangle, comedy, multi x afab!reader tws : language, suggestive content, emetophobia, reader is very insecure, anxiety, mentions of sex author notes : for @mintchocosan. i sincerely hope it's what you were looking for. i'm so down bad for these two men, istg it was so difficult to decide. thank you so much for requesting! i'm so so so sorry it took too fucking long :c forgive me & thank u for being understanding, happy holidays & new years. word count : 9.2k

“chan,” you turned, watching as the dark-haired man began to audaciously ignore you, a smile to his face. “can you help the customer, please?” 

at that moment, another employee came from the back, swinging the door dramatically against its hinges and sighing out. he passed chan on the way, smacking the back of his head and walking to the register. chan yelped in protest—his eyes shooting everything that wasn’t suitable for the friendly atmosphere of your café at him in retaliation.

the man proceeded to take the order, the customer stifling a laugh at the antics of your best—and basically only—friends. 

he joined the two of you with a slip of paper, handing it off to you and leaning against the counter. he sighed over-dramatically again, earning another side-eye from chan. “y/n, why must you hire such incompetent people? you should take it out of his paycheck, or something—give me a bonus for being so good to your café.” 

you chuckled, pouring the heated milk into the drink you were making. “seungkwan… play nice.” 

chan scoffed. “yeah, seungkwan, play nice.” 

“you both make the day go by a little faster,” seungkwan boasted silently, chan doing the same at your side as he put a lid on the cup you had just passed. “don’t let it get to your big heads, though.”

“chan does have a big head! in fact, if it got any larger we might have to order a custom hat for his bad hair—correction, normal hair days.” 

chan's gaze deepened on the older of the pair, you laughed and took the finished product from the younger, handing it to the waiting customer. they thanked you and walked off; probably to join the bustling streets on their way into work—like you've been at since 4am. 

now that the only customer's were the ones getting a morning study-sesh in. chan jumped at seungkwan, miming a kick you'd see in action movies from time-to-time; when you'd have time to indulge in self-care and actually watch one. 

you watched the pair play-fight for a minute before your phone pinged in the front pocket of your tan-colored apron. your hand reached in and pulled it out, looking at the lit up lock screen of linked hands. you read the notification, barely registering that it happened to be outside of your head. 

"yeah," seungkwan took the phone from your hand, your attempt to get it back in vain when he held it above his head. "we should be free for lunch, but why are you asking y/n? we all eat together anyways." 

chan hummed, pressing his lower back into the countertop and crossing his arms. 'i'm actually not sure if i will be. i've been seeing this doctor recently, his schedule is so hectic that i drop everything for him when he texts me—" another ping! rang out, cutting him off briefly. "ah! that must be him right now!" 

seungkwan moved excitedly, reading the text aloud for the whole of the place to hear. "i just had a really stressful night and i just want to see your face, let me know if you can meet." his mouth dropped open. "he even put a heart! chan, look at this!"

"stop!" you whined, chan lifting from his relaxed position and holding you back effortlessly. he nodded for the older to go on with typing—seemingly from his facial expressions—a well thought-out reply.

"guys, i'm so busy. don't say yes right now. seungkwan, you'll have no fingers if you continue to type—oh my god, i'm going to fire you both. we won't be friends anymore, seungkwan, chan, stop it right now—i’m serious." 

seungkwan handed the phone back casually, obviously ignoring your lifeless threats. "great, i'll see you later at your place... don't forget to wrap it up. but he’s a doctor, he should know the risks." 

you shot them a serious glance, that soon morphed into a pleading one. "guys, i have a meeting, which i was trying to tell you—"

"we know. we said you'd meet afterwards. anyways, the painter is coming soon. as in, this morning. y/n, we're not stupid. and besides, who fucks during the day?” 

chan threw his hand up. “well, i'm not stupid—you, however, could've fooled me.”

“yeah? well, you don’t fuck at all, you’ve never even gotten your dick w—" 

chan lunged at him, pulling his fist back and only pulsing it in seungkwan’s direction. then, they broke out into another verbal fight; your cue to leave them and go back to your office. 

you took a shaky breath as you walked the brightly lit hallway. you knew your friends were right and everything would work out smoothly, they knew about your meeting and truthfully just wanted what was best for you. they wanted you to get out of your shell, yet still, the act itself annoyed you. it almost made you feel belittled, like you had no control over your love-life—at least, no better than they did. 

once you took a seat behind your organized desk, you grumbled and hung your head to the cool wood. honestly, the pressure against your skull was soothing the tension inside you, and ultimately relaxing your shoulders. 

you weren't easy to stress-out, or frankly upset, but right now you felt a little lost though the path was clear and brightly lit. you could see the end, yet the thing—person—wasn't in focus. you couldn't tell if it was you or someone entirely different; especially since you've seen a lot of people throughout your twenty-seven years on earth. 

if you were honest with yourself, you’d know you've been feeling like (for a while now) that something was missing. if you went back a couple of years and saw that happy face of yours opening the doors to your dream café, you'd be disappointed to have her looking back at you. you loved your job, and the regulars made it worth it, chan and seungkwan, who have been at your side since practically the beginning, made it worth it. you weren't financially going under, and you were far from running out of people to serve, you just couldn't pin-point the empty feeling inside your chest that kept you up at night. 

actually, you didn't even know why this was all bubbling up now. in the past, you had it harder—especially during the pandemic when you had to close for all those months, putting yourself and, ultimately, your bestfriend’s at risk of being homeless. but, there must’ve been something about the soggy blanket over the sky this morning that made you feel lethargic. 

then, came a soft knock on the door to your office. you let out a gentle conformation to come in, expecting to see chan or seungkwan telling you that they were going on break despite only working two hours to your almost eight. you almost non-verbally waved them off, until you saw the contempt—almost radiantly so—expression painting the other half of your meeting’s face. he smiled, barely showing his teeth in the process, and shielding you two behind the closed door. 

you returned a slight smile, and he cocked his head, standing in the middle of the room and watching as you raised from your seated position. you circled from behind your desk and wrapped your arms around him. his scent took over your nose: the synthetic, yet comforting smell of paint that mixed with a floral aroma he tried to cover it up with. 

“hey,” he said, barely over a whisper. “are you okay?” 

you nodded into his neck, genuinely feeling a sense of clarity through the fog in his arms. 

“i think… i’m just tired.” you replied honestly, finally breaking from his embrace. “i’ve been here since four and seungkwan and chan have been testing each other’s nonexistent patience today more than usual—making a competition about who’s gotten their dicks wet more.” you shuttered with the mental image. “is it a full moon? i feel like it must be. it’s gotta be the only explanation why today just feels off.” 

he gave you a gentle look, sparklingly-clear eyes meeting your broody ones. “do you need something? how can i help?” 

you shied away, leaning against the cedar of the desk as a blush bloomed across your cheekbones. you almost buckled at the knees from his eagerness to want you to feel better—the genuineness behind his tone. 

your arms crossed over your front. “i’ll be okay. nothing a big girl can’t handle.” you tried to joke. “i haven’t cried since elementary school. i can handle a lot, you know.” 

he further approached you, taking your hooked arms within his grasp and pulling you into him again. “are you sure?” he asked, and before he gave you a chance to reassure him, he took your breath away, literally, as your lips melted together for the sixth or seventh time (not that you were counting) since you started seeing each other. 

his hands found your cheeks as the kiss deepened, yours wrapping around his neck and pulling him closer. your heartbeat was crazily-fast despite the relaxed feeling you felt coursing through you. he peppered a few closed mouth kisses as you slowed, pulling off with soft but heavy breaths. 

"trust me, i know you can handle a lot." he breathily fanned the lower half of your face. “but, i really wanted to kiss you anyways.” 

"oh?" you laughed/ "and how did you find that information out?" 

he laughed back. "are you flirting with me?" 

"i don't know," you gently pressed his lips to yours again. "would you like to find out?"

"i thought we were supposed to be having a meeting about art." 

he let you fall back against the cool wood. "i guess we could give it a try..." but there was now a lingering tension that wasn't there before his lips were on yours. you'd been on more than a few dates over the two months you've been—as chan says—putting yourself out there and despite only kissing a couple of times, it seemed he already knew you so goddamn well. “but, no promises i’ll remain professional now that all i can think about is the art we could make while on a canvas.” 

he cocked a brow in your direction. “is that the next piece you want?”

“i dunno, it would probably look like a mess.” 

he hummed. “nothing that involves you would look like a mess. though it would be funny trying to explain how the piece came about.” 

“imagine someone buys it and hangs it in their dinning room.” you pushed yourself onto the surface of the desk, crossing your legs. “eating while looking at where we had sex—though they’d be none-the-wiser to it, really.” 

he blushed, despite the bold words that left you momentarily speechless. “i could make it happen, you know i’ve got a lot of paint.”

"oh? then you must want to find out exactly how much i can handle."

his hands went up. “you said it first.” 

the rest of the meeting went mildly, despite the fact that you kept gawking as you watched his lips move. you swear you were only half-listening, trying your best not to pounce back on him, just so you could feel the security you had prior, to feel heard and understood even though you weren't saying anything. and maybe part of you wanted him to figure out your boundaries and how far you were willing to go for him. 

you knew, ever since august 21st that he was a perfect contrast to you. and before this you never really believed that opposites could attract. 

the bus bumped as it hit the curb, sending you out of your thoughts and momentarily into the air. you looked outside, the sun past its highest point, the sky a pale milky-blue that you used to say was your favorite as a kid. your day had run longer than anticipated, causing you to reschedule with the surgeon your bestfriends promised you were keen to meet. 

it was the end of autumn, basically winter—the first snowfall a couple of days ago. however, it had melted away with the proximate sun, but there was still a frosty chill that nipped the exposed skin of its' passers. you could see the holiday-cheer in the window displays and wreaths that wrapped the street-lamps, though sometimes you went against the grain, especially on off-days like this one. 

you rested your temple against the window, your sighed-out breath reaching and fogging the panel slightly. you watched as your stop came into view, and even debated missing it on purpose before you remembered who you—your best friend’s—had promised to meet. you could picture the relieved smile that would plaster his face, and ultimately it made you feel at ease to know you could be that for him. so, you got from the seat, making your way to the front and out onto the sidewalk without a stumble. 

you’d seen a few people while putting yourself out there, jumping head-first into the sea of boys you could call candidates in the race for your heart. and even though one had a collection of clown dolls, another had a foot fetish, and another was obsessed with old people; which was ironic because you were younger than him. you found not one, but two incredible people through those other tragedies—and neither one, to the best of your knowledge, had any weird fetishes (besides the paint, which you were inclined to like as well). 

you’d met the surgeon first, on a dating app of all things. He made it very clear that his schedule was hectic within the first introduction, and you made it clear that yours was flexible, you were your own boss after all. but you went against the masses; you liked being by yourself sometimes. you liked not having someone depend on you. you liked that he was honest and happy for it in return. that he listened attentively and always held the door for you. 

you, really, liked that he liked you. 

he’d come to your place a couple of times already, the first being after the third date you’d been on. you and the surgeon had gone to a bar, one he seemingly visited quite often from the tenders who greeted him in a friendly manner—and though the thought of him having taken girls there before did cross your mind, you, at the time, had no right to be upset. 

it was his off-day from the, metaphorically, never dead hospital and at first you half-expected him to have a strange sense of humor. you thought he’d have no problem talking of pus and blood and shit during inappropriate times. however, after each date concluded, he had proven to you that he was just a man—a very overworked and tired man—but one nonetheless. you also appreciated having someone to talk to about your medical-anxieties; mostly on nights where you’d had a little too much wine and were overthinking, self-diagnosing from google. you knew if he was free he’d come over and tell you that you weren’t dying of an incurable disease, holding you close. otherwise he’d step away (provided, he wasn’t busy tending to a patient) and listen to all your worries over the phone, his voice low and comforting. 

if you didn’t know any better you’d believe he was in love with you or something—however, you two weren’t even official, let alone close enough to be in love. and besides, he knew you were still weighing out your options with other men, as he was with other women. that other man being a painter, almost opposite of the man you found yourself blushing over (not that you didn’t blush when faced with the artist, because you really did).

you had met the painter shortly after you’d placed an ad on your social media, and door, which stated that you were in need of someone’s paintings to buy to spruce up your space. you had no short list of things suitable for your café and were convinced that no one would seriously inquire. though, here you were, months later with beautiful paintings of anything your heart desired—which he gladly accepted after each meeting. how you two came to go out was no short of a whim, when he awkwardly, yet boldly, asked if you had any plans for the evening. before that, you had thought he was beautiful but kept it professional because you were paying him to paint for your business. your prior interactions were purely transactional on your end, until he flipped the switch and you finally saw him under a different light. 

he was nothing less of a gentlemen during the couple of dates where you went to moderately priced restaurants, or short dusk walks around the block. he even took you to his studio where he proceeded to draw a portrait of you like you two were starring in one of those romantic french movies, that you had no time to watch. 

you liked him because he spoke his mind, and though his movements were never carefully thought out, you appreciated how his brain worked—you appreciated how he made you feel secure, and the love he had for his craft (though it wasn’t making him as much as the doctor). you liked that he was as simple as you were, never needing or asking for more than he received from you and your hectic business. he looked at you with stars in his eyes and genuinely instilled the feeling of being the only girl in the world. 

you liked that he really liked you. 

at the end of the day, you felt conflicted, crying over a guilt you didn’t even know why you had—and maybe, you thought, that that was the reason why you felt empty inside; you lacked a love in your life and that’s why you tried so hard to give yourself everything else as a distraction. you were only human, and nature was to crave intimacy—companionship—to feel another person's skin romantically. 

you wanted a story-book love and maybe that's why it's taken you so long to even get out into the adult dating scene. you knew you had high-standards, but you've grown up being told to never settle. so why would you start now? maybe, too often, you thought of yourself as the problem, as the person who just couldn't be satisfied no matter how hard someone tried. 

the frosty chill sent a shiver over your entire body as you tried to conserve whatever residual heat was left from the enclosure. you were fast-paced while walking the block towards your apartment, keys already in hand and ready to unlock the front gate. it was old-fashioned but somehow it made you feel safer than an electric passcode ever could. 

the hinges cried out as you pushed the barrier from your way, trekking the pavement and up the stairs to the fourth floor. yes, you could've taken the elevator, however, the superficial comfort of alone-time was calming you in ways no man ever could. 

deep-down, you might’ve wanted the doctor to have been called into work, simply because you weren't sure whether or not you were happy: to be around anyone, to care for anyone, to even be awake right now. and you weren't convinced that the smile you oh-so-adore would change that.

yet, you still couldn't help the twist of your lips when stood next to your door was the puffer-jacket wearing doctor, who to anyone else would look suspicious loitering outside a woman's apartment. his head rested against the plaster of the wall, only becoming level when he heard the familiar clunk of your favorite heeled-boots, which he oddly recognized. 

instantly, his back released from the wall and before you had a chance to say something snarky about him waiting for you, he grabbed your bags. 

"hi," he whispered out, almost as if your presence was relieving. "sorry for such short notice, i just had a really tough night." 

you pressed a gentle kiss to the man's cheek, non-verbally reassuring him that everything was fine. "i'm sorry as well, customers were just spilling in." then, you unlocked the numbered door, stepping in before him. you heard the click of the lock, feeling the presence of someone who was far too close, yet not close enough to call your boyfriend. "but tell me about it now," you said, unzipping your shoes. you finished and turned, taking your bags and waiting for him to either speak or take his own shoes off. he looked unsure. "i want to hear about it. do you want something for dinner, i know it's not technically time for it—but we can order or i can see what i have." 

"i'm fine with whatever you want... some fried chicken would be really good right now though." 

you laughed, hanging your purse on a hook, and organizing the rest of your miscellaneous things. "don't you know the health risks related to too much fried food? and to think i'd come to you for medical advice." you over-exaggerated. "spicy or not?" 

his jacket had come off, taking the free hook by your bag. he smiled, grabbing your waist and pressing a kiss to your lips. "both." he replied against you, attacking again with another few fast kisses, barely giving you time to register the prior ones. "and, i'll pay you back." 

"you don't have to, spending time with you is payment enough." 

"purely transactional," he grabbed your face, soft hands caressing the skin. "a girl after my own heart." 

and you don't know if it was the words, or the tone that made you blush deeper than you should have. but either way it had you shying like a middle-school girl talking to her crush. 

you hummed. "you caught me. i only use you for consultations. you're my main medical provider—i say that when that question comes up for adulting shit. honestly, i’m like a walking ad, give me some of your cards, i'll hand them out."

"shut up," he smirked, pushing your lower back so your bodies were closer than before. 

"i would say make me, but you'd like that too much." 

the mood had switched too easily, and now you couldn't help feeling hot and bothered by the hands you just wanted to slip under your shirt or down—you couldn't help your imagination that was running wild within his tight grip, his muscles flexing against you as you anxiously fidgeted. 

his voice was low. "if you're going to use me, at least let it be for something else."

"i think you'd like that too much as well." you lightly pushed him away, though it wasn't because you wanted to, it’s because you knew if you started the two of you wouldn't even make it out of the doorway. "if you want food, you better let me order it."

"what if i'm hungry for something else now?"

your hand covered your mouth, face twisting with a mock-disgust, "what are you? a sixteen year old virgin? that was so cringey! what if i'm hungry for someth—" 

his lips were pressed to yours in an instant, making do with your offer to be shut up as he cut you off mid-sentence. and as much as you knew he liked it, you did too. 

seungcheol pushed you back, hitting the empty wall a little forcefully, but his hand connected with the back of your head before the plaster did. 

it was the little things that made your stomach twist. the little acts of service you weren’t accustomed to before meeting. he was everything to you: comfort, strength, yearning.  

your lips molded together as if they were made for each other. your hands gripping into the strands at the base of his skull, and pulling gently—just enough to get a sound out of the man. he groped your waist, dragging you impossibly closer to his body. you were breathless and unbearably hot, pulling away with his bottom lip still in between your teeth. 

“cheol…” he pushed his head into the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking the sensitive skin under your ear. you whimpered, but still trudged a sentence out. “we have to stop—n-not in the doorway. have some class.”

but one thing about the surgeon was, he always liked a little bit of a challenge. and he thought you were his best match. also, he knew you were lying just as much as you did. 

he trailed his lips over your collarbone, pulling the shirt down to make his path easier. his other hand was pushing up from the bottom, cool skin grazing against your stomach. your chest was rising and falling quickly, head lolling against the wall behind you. he chuckled against your skin, slipping the hand under your shirt and over your bra before palming you.

his lips were now against where his hands just grazed, shirt pushed up into the base of your neck. you fought with the noises that unintentionally fell off your tongue. your body was aflame, lit by, no doubt, the likes of him. 

your hands threaded his hair, as he popped the button on your jeans. you pushed him back, eyes meeting yours with a questioning look; as if to ask if you wanted him to go on. 

and more than half of you did. however, there was a voice from the corner of your mind that demanded you stop, that flashed pictures of commitment, and rings, and hearts across the scene in front of you. a part of you that you only ever wanted to curse.

you actually felt a little nauseous now, heart beating so overwhelmingly fast you could pass out. you wanted to give him whatever he wanted, so you honestly don’t know why you didn’t. 

seungcheol would always push himself aside to aid your needs before his own. maybe it was the doctor in him, but he just cared too much to see you uncomfortable—unsure—by his doing. he wanted you, but he’d wait until you were 100% sure as well. 

he stood up, letting your shirt fall back down and kissing you less urgently than before. 

“let’s order some chicken now, and you can tell me about your day instead.” 

“okay…” you breathed out. he fixed your outfit, re-buttoning your jeans and smoothing over your hair. he laughed as he did, taking your phone from your pocket and holding it out for you, before you admitted. “i forgot what we wanted.” 

your mind was still a little hazy with the feeling of him still on your skin, you could feel the tingling where his lips once connected. you could smell the intoxicating cologne he used to cover up the sterilization of the hospital. 

“i’ll order it.” he said, taking his phone out instead, typing away on an app he already had downloaded. you thought it a little intimate that he knew your address without looking, but you brushed that under the rug—especially because nothing could get more intimate than what was still coursing adrenaline through your veins. 

he stole glanced at you, looking with adoration. you couldn’t tell if it was from him liking having such control over your body, or because of something else. and truthfully, you wouldn’t mind it being the latter over the gravity of him having real feelings for you. 

you left him to follow you through your apartment and into the open-concept kitchen. he sat on a barstool that was neatly placed by the island, putting his keys on the marble, as well as his phone. 

"It estimated 35 minutes." 

you nodded, leaning against the countertop across from his sights. "are you going to tell me about work?" you asked, because quite frankly it was easy to tell he was trying to mask his feelings since you got the text this morning. "you said it was a stressful night, wouldn't you rather sleep than even see me?"

"no, actually I wouldn't." that took you by surprise, momentarily making your eyes widen. "and truthfully, I don't sleep much anyways. I have weird shifts so often that I can't acclimate to any sleep-schedule. I probably haven't slept more than 4 hours since grad school." 

"damn," you sighed out, walking over to the man. you weren't sure what your intentions were, but it just felt right to comfort him. "that's gotta be tough. I really can't imagine." you threaded your fingers into his hair, and he leaned into the touch. 

"it's okay," he sighed out. "we just lost a patient today—one of our cancer ones. we've had her since she was two, since i was a first-year resident. ten tough years, she was so strong, so young. i still can't believe it." 

“oh my god, cheol,” you voiced. “that’s awful. i’m so sorry. she’s in a better place now—wherever that may be—i just know it.” 

he looked up at you, adoration mixed with sadness. there were stars that met your pupils, and you swear you could make a wish if you wanted to. 

“you know,” he started, feeling as your hands dropped around his shoulders. “i don’t know what—i, um, can i tell you something? you don’t have to say anything back.” you hummed a small yes to him, alarms (or maybe bells?) going off inside your head. his hands rested on your arms as he leaned into you, eyes falling closed. you swear he could hear the thump in your chest, and you don’t know if you wanted that to discourage him or encourage him to spew it out faster. 

“i think i love you.” 

“what.” 

you weren’t sure if you were more surprised by the fact that you didn’t jolt away in shock or by what he said next. 

“no, i know i love you.” your face was beat red, and he refused to open his eyes for whatever reason. “i know it’s a lot, i’m sorry. we’re not even dating, but i just, i don’t know, i want it to be official—i want you to be my girlfriend.” 

for a second, your heart was lit up with fireworks, butterflies swarming your insides. you, for a second, wanted that too. you wanted him to be your boyfriend, but you ultimately were scared of that commitment—hell, you don’t even know why you started to date in the first place if not with this in mind. you knew deep down that you weren’t actually ready to not just have fun without the strings attached. 

the cliche was to say that's it's not you, it's me and you all but said it. it felt like he had more pieces of you than you wanted him to—or maybe you did, you weren't fully sure—you feared that that fact would soon start to eat at the depths of your brain, convince you of anything but innocence. 

you wanted to be wanted, but you wanted to be loved more than anything. so, why didn't it look good to you? why couldn't you let him be the silver lining you've been waiting for. why couldn't this surgeon be the one to stitch up your heart? 

and maybe you knew the answer deep down as you sat alone. 

seungcheol had left, after he read you like a picture book. he left you in a state of comatose you didn't think he could—one you didn't think would cut so deep—and you still hoped that he wasn't the one left lost. 

part of you didn't want him to search an empty room with the thought of finding you. but the other part wanted to be sat in a dark corner just awaiting his arms around you. 

you felt an emptying feeling before it all crashed into the lower depths of your stomach. nausea, as you scrambled to the bathroom with hopes of choking the bile back down before it hit the floor. and you felt like you just barely made it, sitting against the cold tile, knees to your chest and head down on them. 

you thought about situations in your past that would've made you deserve to feel a deep despair—one that was currently debilitating—like a half-dug grave with the shovel still in your hand. you felt hopeless. you always knew, at the end of the day, you'd be your own undoing, but you prayed that that day would’ve never come like it has, unfortunately, now. 

your chest was tight, your eyes on fire. you thought you were getting better, you thought you were finally healed enough to get back out there. but maybe you only got better at pretending. maybe through opened doors you got better at lying. however, now you can’t tell if the lies get better the more times they’re worn, or if they’re simply just overused.

you thought about the little girl again—the one that would be looking up at you right now—and cried harder because you didn’t want her to realize that she was the only person who ruined everything every time. 

maybe you were destined to be alone. maybe your red string wasn't tethered to anyone. it would cut deep, but maybe knowing wouldn't kill you. maybe you could find peace with yourself, watching your bloodline wither away. maybe, at the end of your life, you could look back and not have any regrets because at least you did try. 

you felt as if walking on broken glass could hurt less and less the more times you do it—isn't that what getting used to something is all about? truthfully, you didn't know, and weren't sure you actually wanted to, because what's truly worse, being wanted and not loved, or loved and not wanted? it's a question you often asked, but the best manipulation you got was from yourself; no one can hurt you like you can. 

you knew every way to pick apart your brain. your insecurities were your bittersweet company. you knew them all by name. where strangers weren't welcome, they walked freely. you hated them, but the ghosts haunting you, pretty lights couldn't cast out. 

you felt like the world was moving too fast, and you were being left behind. you wanted to just stand still, if only for a second. a luxury you never got throughout the growing pains. and just as you were getting a taste, you ripped it away from yourself. 

you wanted to force yourself to give in to your not-so-hidden desires. you wanted to be loved, and someone who you evidently feel strongly about has admitted just that. in reality, it shouldn't be this hard. you shouldn't be as dramatic as a middle school girl's first breakup. 

but still deep down, you felt like it wouldn’t be right to accept him. at least, not without talking to the painter first. you felt like you owed him that much, even if neither men were technically yours—and you them—you still felt guilty for wanting love from someone while also wanting it from someone else. 

spoiled for choice or by choice? and the fact that you had to choose was killing you, because you’d had such different, non-comparable times with them that it seemed unfair to try and weigh them both equally. 

you know yourself, and right now you know you’d choose the surgeon, but if faced with the artist all that would go out the window. it was circumstantial who you felt closest to, and you hated (and loved) that fact with the entirety of your being. 

maybe that’s why you felt eaten alive—diving head first into the lion's den, with only the wish to be paralyzed by the fall. maybe, you thought, if you couldn’t feel anything it would all magically become easier. but, you were an adult, with supposed adult-feelings. you were supposed to be able to maturely take on battles, and resolve them with your dignity still intact. however, you felt anything but strong right now. 

your fingers grasped for your phone, and you looked at the illuminated time—seungkwan and chan would still be cleaning your store, and right now you felt like you needed your best friends to clear your head before it consumed you. 

you got off the floor with much fight, your knees weak and spine anything but straight. you felt heavy, and you weren’t sure if it was the guilt or if you just had never noticed before. either way, you trekked on, memories of the last hour flashing through your head like a badly timed slideshow. you ended up sat at the front door, fighting with the zipper on your shoes. you went to grab your purse when you realized that a—as much familiar as unfamiliar—garment was hanging on the hook next to it; the surgeons, right where he left it before his hands roamed your body for what felt like all the time in the world, but not enough. 

“fuck.” you cursed under your breath, a shiver running over your skin. “i—fuck.” 

it was the only words that you could seem to manage, despite trying so hard to form an actual sentence that encapsulated your feelings. maybe if you could say it to yourself, you could say it to him, but that was a harder task then made out to be in movies and TV shows (you never had time to watch). 

you practically couldn’t even remember how you got from point A to point B, but here you were, keys in hand, standing directly in front of the glass door with a mournful look that reflected. you barely caught the jaw-dropped stare chan gave you before smacking seungkwan to get his attention. 

for a moment you wondered what went through their heads, what they thought happened to you; no doubt it was going to be more dramatic than needed, but you expected nothing less, and honestly, you felt nothing less. 

you were frozen, like the air, when the younger of them came and opened the door with the broom still clad between his left hand. 

“what the hell happened to you?” he asked.

seungkwan came running over, finally realizing that you weren’t playing a trick on the two of them, and it was actually bad news that was making your body shake. 

he took your hand, dropping the washcloth on the way to an empty (and presumably clean, if they were getting their jobs done properly) table. he took the stool down, and pushed you into it. and just as his hands left your shoulders, you felt something snap. it could’ve been because of their presence that your water pipe was now cracked and seeping down your face, however you really couldn’t tell at that moment in time. all that was playing on your mind was the three words that shouldn’t be so complicated. it felt like a foreign language as it played across your heart, one you could only try to understand, much less repeat back. it felt too easy that it was beyond difficult; a trick question you didn’t want the answer to. 

maybe if you were more secure, you told yourself, maybe if you liked your life a little more it wouldn't all be replaying like a fucking horror movie when you blinked—even if only for a millisecond. 

"he said he loved me." 

it's like a bomb dropped for them, however a weight lifted off your tiring shoulders. “h-he said he loves me and i—i”

“and, you’re not sure?” 

no, you’re not sure. you’re not sure what love’s supposed to feel like. you’re not sure if seungcheol is even it. you’re not sure how many times you’ve thought about it on lonely nights you wished you had someone to wrap up into. you’re not sure he actually loves you despite offering no opposition to it. you’re not sure, simply because you don’t want to be; you knew that and you hated it. 

“i—i don’t know,” you stated, wiping the drops off your under eyes. “he’s perfect, really, but i—i don’t know.” 

seungkwan cocked an eyebrow in chan’s direction, who looked awfully like a mother: arms crossed over his chest with the broom still in hand. they weren’t convinced you were telling them the truth, but honestly, you had no idea what that would even begin to look like in their eyes. 

you should have your shit together, you were almost 30 for fucks sake, however you still lived by the saying ‘better late than never’ like it wasn’t getting too late. you’ve lived being brushed under the rug, in blissful ignorance of the passing times. sure, you’ve achieved almost everything you wanted as a teenager, but there was still a lingering fear in your heart, one that penetrated every corner and crept with uncertainty. you didn’t question whether you were able to be loved, but if you deserved it—especially from the surgeon or painter, who seemed so keen to. 

a blunt smack to the face, metaphorically, woke you from your dooming thoughts. “y/n,” seungkwan deadpanned, taking the chair next to you and leaning in. “in your grown-ass age, you’re acting like a kid. if you’re unsure, you should talk about it like adults, running away won’t fix anything—and it’ll just leave you alone forever—as much as we love you, we’re not taking care of you in the retirement home, so you better find a man that will.” 

you looked to chan who was nodding slightly. “you deserved to be loved. whether that be the surgeon or someone else. okay?” 

you bit your lip, taking into account what they’ve said, and mixing it with your own feelings; a bitter taste left on your tongue. you debated telling them about your situationship with a business partner, however somewhere deep down you think they already knew somehow. they all but said you have to follow your heart to truly be happy: something they knew you craved, rubbing up against all else. 

you slowly agreed non-verbally. you've come to a decision, and whether it is a good one, only time will tell. 

you chose yourself. 

and this time, you find yourself face to face with a crusty-white door that you knew led into a basement. your hand went up to knock, and it's as if the resident knew you were outside because it creaked open. you’ve been met with the painter more than countless times, but at this moment, you felt like your heart was sitting at your feet on the frozen concrete. 

"i-i tried upstairs, but you didn't answer, so i just assum—"

he stepped aside. "come in." 

you shut up your explanation and followed directions, stepping over the trim and into his studio. you were overwhelmed with the intoxicating smell of paint, looking around at the walls that were covered in acrylic abstracts, oil flowers or chalk portraits. there were multiple canvases that were set on the floor, half-done and partially covered by tarps. 

it wasn't the first time you've seen his studio, but it somehow had gotten even more cramped than that time; when you anxiously thought of ways to organize it. 

"are you okay? you never come here unannounced."

you stumbled inside your head, foggy was an understatement now that you were actually looking at a third of your problem. "i just needed to see you, i-i need to talk to you about something—it's important, i swear. i'm sorry for just showing up." 

"don't be sorry, it's why i told you my address." he pulled a stool form under his sharpie covered desk, brushing it off for you to sit on. "it must be important as you can't even stand properly. sit down, you haven't even looked at me once since coming in." 

you hadn't realized. "i'm sorry," you mumbled, forcing your eyes to level on him as you collapsed against the stool. you were sober (unfortunately), but it felt as if you were full speed drunk-driving. 

"stop apologizing unless you have something to be sorry for." he said, sitting in front of you, trying to garner your attention. "do you have something that warrants an apology, y/n?" 

you remained silent, and you swore you could feel the air stop moving as if it was all sucked out of the room. the way he stared at you made you look through him like a window, because you were afraid that it wouldn't end well if anything else. your anxiety mimicked a hypoglycemic reaction, and you felt the need to hold onto something to steady yourself. you were becoming as predictable as the rain during the months of march and may. 

you needed him, but you needed someone else too. 

you thought a decision could be easy. you'd choose whoever piqued your interest better, but it didn't help that they were both so damn pretty, and nice and caring. they were perfect for you—both of them—in different ways. you were forced to imagine a future with both, and it made you sick to your stomach. 

maybe the fact that one of them would inevitably hate you if you broke it off, especially to be exclusive with a different man, kept you shaken. you hated that you had to meet them romantically instead of platonically, because now that you couldn't have both, you feared you'd get none at all in the end. 

would the memory become unbearable if you broke the surgeon's heart? would the painter even care if you told him it wasn't working out? 

you should go with the one who confessed his love to you as you comforted him in the kitchen of your apartment—but, unfortunately, you can see the way vernon had stars in his eyes, bargaining with them for more than just half of your heart. He wanted to support you in whatever you did, but he knew he met you before anyone else ever did. 

your voice came without warning. "d-do you love me, too?" you meant to ask the deafening question only in the confines of your own head. 

"too?" 

"what?"

"do you love me, too?" he reiterated, your face losing all color. "t-that's what you said. do you love me, too. does that mean you love me too, or that someone else loves you?"

"too?" you all but shouted in his face. "does that mean you love me too, o-or—"

"y/n, i know what i said." 

you felt foolish stuttering, but if you imagined the way you probably looked, it couldn't be more embarrassing. 

"o-oh."

he was acting more mature than you, just as the surgeon did not even hours ago, reading you like he wrote the words to begin with. you'd been shocked close to a couple heart attacks today, and you wondered why on a monday of all days shit had to hit the fan. but the storm had been brewing for a while, and the humidity was only the first tell. 

the room was now left as if no one was in it. you swear you could hear sirens all the way across the city if you focused hard enough. your lip was now raw, and you could taste slight metal from how much you'd been chewing on it. you hated how good the plastic covered couches looked, the piquet fence and three-kid family people strived so fucking hard for. you thought you were fine sitting in the backseat of a car heading full speed for a cliff, because in the mirror you really thought you looked happy enough. if you could turn back time to monday last week, you weren't convinced you wouldn't do it without hesitation. 

you hated how you held the knife that just kept piercing you. and you wondered if one of them could be the one to finally pry it from your cold hands, to finally warm them. your innocence was weakness, and it finally made you realize that you were older; that you, yourself, was your own worst enemy. 

you knew you'd sit in silence until he had the courage to break it, simply because you were certain you couldn't. the sad song was writing itself so well; if only you let your heart listen to the millions of thoughts swirling your dream. you could go left or right, but there was no turning around anymore. 

he was soft against the air, and you audibly heard a hurt in his voice that you felt you didn't deserve to cry over, "you meant that there's another guy who loves you... too." 

you were taking all the bliss for granted, because the moment it was ripped from under your feet your thoughts became erratic. and truthfully, you know it's because you're selfishly still holding on. 

you're still convinced you feel the same way towards them both. you're still convinced that it's one sided: that you don't—can't—love too. you're still scared that this will be too much for you in the end and you'll be left alone. you were convinced that the only way was to love or leave. you told yourself there was no in between two thin lines, no shades of gray between black and white. you thought that there had to be a definitive answer that you kept running away from. 

and you didn't want to run anymore. you were tired; tired of being alone, tired of having to feel sick every time someone you cared so deeply about crossed your mind. you were a terrible person for leading yourself down into the wreck and bringing both of them with you. 

you were honestly going to break it off with the artist for the security of the surgeon. 

when you were walking over, you came up with ways to defend the intentions that seemed cruel, rehearsing the lines that went in one ear and out the other. you faced him and your heart raced. you felt guilty because you knew you couldn't give either of them the answer they wanted without hurting someone in the crossfire. they both loved you, and it made your chest tight with the thought: a continuous loop you found yourself circling and circling until you were dizzy. 

the surgeon had you wrapped around his finger, so desperate for him, and you mistook it for blind devotion. but the artist worshiped the ground you stepped on, you think he'd walk through hell to restore you to humanity. they’d (evidently) do anything to see a smile on your face. 

you watched as he stood up, paced the room in search of something momentarily. then he found it. closed between his forefinger and thumb was a starch colored paper, black fingerprints and smudges all over it. he brought it back, you catching a glimpse of soft features drawn so carefully it couldn't possibly be how he saw you. he handed the portrait to you as he began speaking, explaining his actions. "if you're going to break it off with me for him, it's okay, but just take this then. i can't bear the thought of it—of you being so close yet so far out of reach." he sent a shiver down your spine. "you'd haunt me, y/n." but now you were convinced he saw you more beautifully than jealous hades did persephone, and it made you believe that maybe the love that blooms could be as serendipitous as cupid and psyche. an untainted white-rose could sprout from the ashes of the past. all you had to do was give him the answer he was so easily pulling from you. 

nonetheless the guilt felt for seungcheol wouldn't outweigh it, because you like him too much. in a different, more primal way, in comparison to the romantics vernon showered you with. your heart raced in adrenaline for the feeling of the surgeon's hands on your body, whereas the sight of the painter's lips set you on fire. you wanted them both hopelessly... but for different reasons that all went back to the same feeling: love. if you'd be so much as damned, the complications it implied, despite craving it until you found yourself debilitated in your bed, wishing on every lucky star you could find. you pictured yourself falling, free-falling just to chase a feeling, until you hit the water-stained concrete. 

you loved him—and it hurt so much to have to hurt someone else. but an obstacle is still an obstacle no matter the shape or form. 

he roped your attention back to him, his finger brushing a stray piece of hair back into place on your head. it was always the little things, the small inconvenient actions that solidified your heart in stone. you were veering off to the side, signal on and ready to turn. 

you ignored feeling some type of way because you didn't want to end up hurting anyone in the process, but you've come to learn that nothing is actually free in this world, and you must make sacrifices for the greater good.

for yourself. 

you deserved to be happy, you deserved to feel feelings, you deserved to be loved (whether that be by one, both or none of the men). you deserved to be wanted, and it's about time you are. 

it was a rainy night, the storm finally hitting. you didn't want to be the bad guy, and that's what you're afraid you'd become for him. maybe you were just too nice. you wondered how your best friends could be so ruthless, yet still looked upon fondly. you wondered if you didn't end up loving, would he hate you? 

would seungcheol hate you? 

you wondered what his diagnosis for you would be this time: delirium? broken heart syndrome? delusion? would he imagine you running back to him in a couple months, fantasizing that you'd realize you made the wrong decision? you didn't want him to feel lost, but in the end you were the one without the compass. 

the tears came without warning—so much for holding them back, because you didn't feel you deserved to cry when you're the one creating the problem for yourself. you dug the grave, and the saying always ends with the perpetrator lying in it. this time, you just hoped it was big enough for two. 

"y/n," vernon began, gently holding his palms to either side of your face. "you have to do what's best for you." 

you sniffled. "but—but what if that's not what's best for you?"

"why are you thinking of me? or him?" he asked, crouching down to be level with you. "stop doing that and just listen to yourself."

and for once, you did, giving in to desire to want him to want you. you leaned in quickly, his hands still on your cheeks as you pressed a kiss to his lips. he pulled away after a second, completely shocked that you did that without being prompted. but, somehow, you felt calmer than the last couple of weeks had you. 

you were laying it all out on the table right now, and you just hoped he'd pick your card, like you just did his. 

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u!

— perm tag list .ᐟ send an ask to be added c:

[ask-shane]

Hi, I am the anon that said i send mean asks on purpose. I just wanted to make a clarification and a formal apology and then i will stop interacting with this blog.

I need to clarify that by mean asks i meant things like saying shane has no bitches, or that he uses 738283837 in 1 shampoo. I never sent any slurs or genuine insults to this blog, and on top of mean things i also send nice things. I should've specified that the asks I sent were teasing and not genuine mean things.

I sincerely apologize for saying what I said. I had no idea the extent of the awful things people sent you and the fact that I could make you feel like i intentionally try yo make you feel bad and ruin your day with slurs and insults litterally made me shiver and feel anxious in real life. I fully understand how what i sent was harmful and damaging to someone who has to deal with toxicity on a daily basis.

I feel a lot of shame for what I did, this blog is something i check daily because i love your writing and i Love this character. I don't need you to unblock me if its even possible, i just wanted to apologize and wish you well

hi anon, mod dawn speaking. i’m gonna be talking directly to this person so please feel free to skip this if you aren’t them

i just wanted to start by addressing a couple things. firstly, thank you for apologizing so sincerely and honestly. i can tell how genuine this is and i’m certain it was a very brave decision after i put you on the spot earlier. i’ve deleted the post replying to your ask out of respect for this situation.

and for that, i am extremely sorry. i’m speaking to you with recognition that there is a person who is going to be reading this. i should’ve been more aware that i was putting you on blast in front of a lot of people. even if you were on anonymous, i can’t imagine how anxiety-inducing it was to be reading my response when you actually meant to be playful/teasing.

another thing i need to clarify here was that i did not realize that you were not the one sending me death threats and slurs. i had received a barrage of messages at the same time and had wrongly assumed the others were coming from you as well. it all happened at once, and the context of you sending that ask was shockingly related to the vile ones i received. your asks were not at all on the same level of “bad” the ones you didn’t send were.

unfortunately i had no way of telling which ones belonged to you and which ones didn’t, so i decided to address them using your ask. i made the mistake of incorrectly conflating your ask with the others.

that out of the way, i am so sorry once again, and also very thankful you apologized. please know there’s absolutely no need to feel shame for this.

i want to make it clear now that teasing (and even being somewhat mean) asks on my blog are okay. it’s fun to be provocative! there’s an art to it that i can appreciate, especially here, where shane gets glazed a lot. it is really awful that my guard happened to be high when you sent this because of what another actually unacceptable anon did. you shouldn’t be lumped in with them and i am so sorry i couldn’t discern your intention. i should also use this as an opportunity to say you have a good heart. i love that you can be playful and i thought a lot of what you said was actually quite funny. i didn’t intend to make you feel anxious or responsible for what other people did, but regardless, i did so, and it wasn’t fair of me to do to you.

lastly, thank you for interacting with my blog. now that we’ve cleared things up, i want to personally say to you that it is more than okay to continue to interact with my blog. i can appreciate a presence like yours around here. i’ll figure out a way to make sure you’re able to continue interacting (if you’d like to, of course). i am so glad you enjoy my writing and my portrayal of the character and it is honestly heartbreaking to hear i may have spoiled this experience for you. i have no negative feelings toward you whatsoever— if anything, i respect your ability to communicate with me after this (even though i’m sure it would’ve been much easier to block me and try to forget this happened)

i hope you are reading this.. i wish you nothing but the best 🤍

- dawn

[lvndrdaaze]

Hello!! Can I request Atsushi with the sfw alphabet letters A, C & W?

AAAAAA I love atsushi, ofc you can request for him! I loved writing these, sorry they took a few days ;-;

(gn!reader, SFW)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Atsushi is a very affectionate person, both before and after you become an official couple, but he doesn't always know how best to express that affection.

Before dating, he'll bring you coffees and help with your paperwork, but then he'll start to feel insecure, as though you might find him weird for doing these things for you. So, he finds himself doing them for the rest of the office too. Soon, he's been roped into completing all of Dazai's reports (again), and he has no time left to chat with you during the day.

After you start dating, he's a little more free with his affection, bringing you small gifts and spending most of his time at work by your side, but he still gets nervous about physical affection. He so desperately wants to be able to reach for your hand or kiss your cheek the way he sees other couples do, but a tiny part of his brain insists that you'll react negatively.

It's best to go slow with him. Graze your pinkie against his as you're walking side by side and let him take the initiative from there. He'll slowly get more comfortable with taking the initiative himself over time, as long as you're patient with him.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Atsushi can be a little tentative with his cuddles. He only feels comfortable getting close to you like that in private, and he doesn't know how to start cuddling you. He'll move in slowly until your shoulders are pressed together, but it takes a long time from there for him to even wrap his arm around your shoulder. But, if you cuddle into him, with your head on his shoulder and arms wrapped tight around his torso, he'll lean into it happily with a hot pink blush all over his face.

His favourite way to cuddle would actually be him cuddling into you. He loves the feeling of your arms holding him so gently, your fingers stroking through his hair as he lays on your lap. He's never been loved in the way that you make him feel he is with your tender touches, and he can't get enough of the feeling. Any time you spend in private together, he has to be touching you.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Since meeting you, Atsushi feels like his world has burst into vibrant colour. He no longer sees fears and anxiety in everything he does, and instead begins to see the love all around him. This doesn't only apply to you and your treatment of him, either. Thanks to you, he notices the care that all of his coworkers hold for him, and he finds it easier to allow them to care for him. For that, he is beyond grateful for you. He has no idea what he would have been without your constant support, your gentle reminders that he is deserving of all of the nice things the world has to offer. Without you, he fears that his world would fade back into dull greys and intense anxiety.

Feel free to request more NSFW/SFW alphabet headcanons! More info in my pinned post ^-^

[stayteezdreams]

Hiii!~ Sorry for taking so long to request a fate ship. Could I get a few?? I'd like Stray Kids Box 5 Card #26. Ateez Box 1 Card 11. With Prompt 40 for the Stray Kids Ship?? Thank you!

Hi! Thank you! And no worries :)

I hope you like the ships!

Stray Kids:

And your Fate Ship is...

Changbin!

Prompt #40: “How long have you had this planned?” “Since the moment I fell in love with you.”

Forever

Your day had been ordinary for the most part. Following the same routine the whole day. Not boring, but not fun. The only thing that was a bit different, was Changbin.

He hadn't been texting you as often as normal, though it didn't throw any red flags your way. He had been busy with an upcoming album and you knew that. Though the lack of communication with your boyfriend did prove to make your day a little less bright.

You only grew more suspicious, when Changbin suddenly began asking you question after question. Where are you? What are you up to? When would you be done? When could you come over?

He seemed needy in slightly different way than normal and it was making you wonder what was going on. Was he stressed? Did he need help with something?

Pushing aside the rest of your schedule you told him you'd be free whenever he wanted you. Then suddenly, the texts stopped. You were met with silence as quickly as you had been bombarded.

And now you were worried.

As your anxiety grew it was finally alleviated when he texted you asking to come by his dorm at 7pm, and to dress nicely.

After thinking on it a while, you thought maybe he was going to surprise you with a date. He had done it before, usually during times like now when you hadn't been able to see each other as often.

You of course acted nonchalant, not wanting to ruin whatever surprise he had planned. Though, when you arrived at his dorm, you were the one left surprised.

"Binnie!" You greeted as you entered the dorm, only to find flowers, candles, and balloons everywhere. The dorm had been transformed into what looked like a fancy hotel dining room.

In the middle of the dorm was a table with a white tablecloth. On the table were various foods, all of which looked homemade. In the background soft music played as the lights were dimmed to match the atmosphere.

Your heart was racing as you looked around. "Changbin?" You called out again, wondering where he was. Had you come in too early?

Shocked by your surroundings you hadn't heard him approach you from behind. Softly clearing his throat he called your name and you spun around in surprise.

Your eyes dropped down to meet his, where he was kneeling on one knee in front of you. Your mouth opened in surprise as your breath caught in your throat.

In his hands Changbin was holding a small case with a ring that looked as though it was made specifically with you in mind. Which later on you would find out was exactly true.

"Binnie" You finally whispered out, your heart racing so hard you almost felt dizzy.

"Hi baby." He began, his voice obviously nervous as he spoke. "I know our anniversary isn't for a couple more weeks, but I couldn't wait that long. I need you to know just how much I love you. And just how much I want to be by your side for the rest of our lives."

You felt tears brimming at your eyes as you looked down at him. You wanted to leap into his arms and kiss him a thousand times, but you resisted, letting him finish.

"Every day I get to call you mine is the best day of my life. There are times when we don't get to see each other very often, I get stuck with work, and tour, but you always wait for me. I am grateful every day you choose me, when I am so unworthy of your love. But I will stay grateful for the rest of our lives, and I will work as hard as I can to make you happy."

"Binnie I'm the one who's unworthy of you."

He shook his head quickly, "No, you're wrong." He stood up, and stepped forward. "I never thought I would have someone who loves me like you do. And I never thought I would love someone as much as I love you." Using his free hand, he caressed your face. "Will you let me love you like this for the rest of our lives? Will you marry me?"

You barely gave him time to finished his question before you were jumping his his rms, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Yes! Of course I will marry you!"

He grinned happily as he held you tightly in his arms, never wanting to let you go.

Finally settling, and staring happily down at the ring on your finger you grinned at him. "How long have you had this planned?"

"Since the moment I fell in love with you. I knew I wanted to marry you a long time ago. But I thought it might be kind of crazy if I proposed after a couple months."

You laughed as you reached forward, taking his face in your hands as you pressed a kiss to his lips.

"Then I'd probably be crazy too, cause I would have said yes."

xx

Ateez:

And your Fate Ship is...

Wooyoung!!

[pomefioredove]

Tbh I was reading the matchup info and now I have an idea for a fic 😂😂😂

But Seriously I really love your writings. I've been having a shitty time and when I read your stuff it gets better and mellows me out ❤️

Personality wise: I can be pretty calm, but I also have my exciting/ manic moments. Like cleaning my room at 3am (cries in bd sleeping schedule). People say I'm nice, and have a good energy. But if someone pushes me (metaphorically) I will push back. I can be petty if I get fed up enough. I get depressed easily and sometimes have trouble expressing myself. Which is weird because I kind of am the therapist friend. I don't talk about my feelings or self often. Sometimes I scare my friends unintentionally, like dropping random tidbits of my life that might sound or be a little traumatic. (I.e. that reminds me of the time my mom told me she would beat my ass if I cleaned her room wring again.) I can be pretty lazy, I sleep A LOT. I am a feminist, who is pretty used to red flags in people.

Interests/ Hobbies: I love reading and trying new art stuff. I am an English major and like learning about the dirty and scary sides of History. My favorite books to read right now are classical literature and disturbing horror books. Art wise I've been trying to get into air dry sculptures. I love to crochet. And when I feel like it I can cook and bake. Sometimes I roller skate, like once in a blue moon. I have trouble with homework sometimes, I can get really distracted. When I'm really tired I won't eat. I have body issues too (thanks mom 🥲). I used to be a vegetarian for almost 10 years. I stopped a couple years ago.

Relationship wise: I like people who are competent. Like, someone who knows their way around the house or are willing to learn. I like feminists. I don't like people who yell at me. When I get into a relationship, love bombing and honeymoon phase stuff kinda turn me off ngl. (Like why r you so free on a regular Tuesday afternoon. I give you butterflies? Digest them, want some pesto bismol? Here.) Ngl, it's like why should I have to come back from a full day of work/school and clean up after you and/or make dinner.

Lifestyle wise: No lie I have depression and anxiety and it can get pretty bad. There are times where I can't take care of myself as well as I wish. I will cry, if someone makes fun of me for it. I try to keep my area clean, when I get back from work/school I clean up a little then crash. I try to deep clean on weekends if I'm not swamped from school.

Specifics: No first or second years pls

Ty 💖💖💖

I match you with 𝐕𝐢𝐥 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐭

The First Impression:

One might assume that the first thing Vil notices in a person is their style, or their physical features, or even their body language.

Not really.

Vil absolutely judges people based on their competency, their skill, their dedication to themselves and their passions. And he can absolutely see that in you.

Why He Fell:

What initially attracts Vil is the challenge. He's always looking for new potential, and he can tell that you're both skilled and committed enough to meet his standards- but there's something holding you back. You're quite different from his past potatoes, and he's more than capable of taking a different approach to your case, one without the need for harshness.

Vil isn't one to pry, though he's able to piece together your situation from the random tidbits you drop on him, and soon, his pet project becomes more of a mission. Can't take care of yourself right now? That's fine, he'll do it for you. He'll find a way to create a perfectly manageable routine, fix your sleep schedule, help you with homework, and slowly ease you into a healthier lifestyle with him by your side.

Though he'd never admit it, Vil really likes the feeling of being needed, not just wanted. And, in time, he finds himself needing you and your company just as much.

The Relationship:

You cannot get more competent than Vil Schoenheit. Experience or not, he's a master at navigating relationships, and is more than willing to help you in that regard, as well. He's there at your best and worst, as you are for him- Vil considers the partnership very equal, and would never in a million years dream of upsetting that balance.

(Quite honestly, Vil doesn't want to be treated like an incompetent manchild who can't do anything for himself and he's glad you're on the same page)

He very much appreciates and admires your skillset, interest in learning new things, and your dedication to your passions (one isn't just vegetarian for ten years without some commitment, after all), and sees you as compatible in that regard.

It's a very mature and balanced relationship, one in which you don't even have to imagine him lovebombing or taking you for granted or acting childish. He certainly has his moments, but such is being human.