#'they' being mulder and scully. they don't get what they want (the truth) only little bits of it without real resolve. and

[samanthamulder]

director Rob Bowman on the hallway scene in The X-Files: Fight the Future (1999 DVD audio commentary) — “ 'I need you, I need you.' That’s a theme of the movie – Mulder needs Scully. And never before has he come to that understanding quite so strongly as he does in this story. So she’s running because she’s afraid that he’s going to talk her out of it, and so the best thing she can do is hit the elevator button and go, go, go. She never makes it. That’s her first mistake.

And Mulder also knows that that’s where she’s headed, is out the door. So he’s got to tell her why it is that she’s so important to him, and tell her once and for all that in fact the whole time that the two of them have been together that she has made him better, that she has made him feel not like an outcast, not like discarded FBI trash, but somebody worthy of her friendship, and that, as he says, has made him a whole person. So in a scene filled with such virtue, people expressing their highest thoughts and feelings towards each other, you come to a sort of pinnacle of respect and mutual admiration that it leads to an intimate moment that neither of them expect, or were working towards. It just sort of happens. You just keep arguing and arguing, then suddenly it’s not an argument, it’s 'We’re for each other, we’re for each other.' And we come to the opportunity of the kiss for the first time. But it’s not out of lust, it’s not out of any of the obvious reasons, or typical reasons. It’s out of just absolute overwhelming respect for each other. Out of that respect becomes an emotional response, where you transcend logic and thinking and it becomes more visceral and human. 

The only place for him to go, in my mind, to express the next thought is to kiss her. And how do we do that in The X-Files fashion? Which is, you never give them anything that they want. You just lead them down the road and say 'Ah, that’s all you get.' And then, because of the bee, the moment is abrupt and abbreviated and stops short of the zenith that the audience is wanting. But we don’t want to end by cheating the audience. We’d like to at least add up in parts a kiss. So there’s the idea, in the spaceship where Mulder is trying to rescue Scully, and just when they get to the vent exit, she collapses again, and she passes out and she’s not breathing. What do you do when somebody’s not breathing? You give them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. So you’ve got the intention of the kiss and the physical act of them touching mouths. I believe in Chris’s mind the idea was you take those two, add ‘em together, that’s a kiss. Sort of in frustrating X-Files fashion that’s a kiss. And I think obviously there’s more gained for the audience out of the hallway kiss, and I don’t think anybody really walked out thinking, 'Well, they sort of did, because if you add the two together…' but it doesn’t matter because the idea is they were going to. As a story point, that counts as the kiss. They didn’t stop themselves, something else entered the scene and interrupted them, so…"

[thursdayinspace]

Mulder in "Little Green Men" (s2ep1). He's so lonely. What's interesting to me is the contrast to Mulder from the pilot and Mulder here. We got an idea in the pilot of how lonely he must be, but he had been on his own for a while and that was his default. Seeing him at the beginning of s2 is heartbreaking. At the begining of s1 he was so used to being alone. But now . . . Of course the fact that the x files have been closed is getting to him, but it also becomes so obvious how much he has come to rely and depend on having Scully around, on working with someone. With her.

Their meeting in the parking garage -- he feels like he has lost his purpose, even doubts his memories and his experiences, he feels like everything they've been through hasn't been worth it because they've accomplished nothing. We don't know how or if he would have managed to surface from that eventually on his own. Most likely he would have. But it might have taken him a long time. It's Scully who doesn't let him give up: "During your time with the X-Files, you've seen so much." / "Even if George Hale only saw elves in his mind, the telescope still got built. Don't give up. And next time we meet out in the open." (Which becomes a recurring theme over the years, all the way up to the revival. But that would deserve its own post.) (The way she touches his hair before she leaves though. <3)

What kills me in this episode is Mulder recording his tape for Scully in Puerto Rico: "Deep Throat said "Trust no one." And that's hard, Scully, suspecting everyone, everything. It wears you down. You even begin to doubt what you know is the truth. Before, I could only trust myself. Now, I can only trust you, and they've taken you away from me." I mean, compare that to pilot Mulder? Not trusting anyone was what he did. That was Mulder. He may or may not have been showing off a little bit for Scully, but he seemed to have made quite a home for himself in his lone wolf existence (out of necessity). He can't do that anymore. He needs something to hold onto. And he had that in his partnership with Scully.

Also. THEY'VE TAKEN YOU AWAY FROM ME. Can we take a second to appreciate what that means? He knows she would not have chosen to leave. He believes that. He trusts her absolutely. She's become a lifeline for him. Put that together with his quote from the end of the episode: "I may not have the X-Files, Scully, but I still have my work. And I’ve still got you. And I still have myself." The order of those statements seems important: He thought he had lost his purpose in the beginning of this episode. He wasn't even sure whether or not he still believed in it. Now he has motivation again.

And he has Scully. She stuck around, not just because of the work. When he was at his lowest, she arranged secret meetings for them, told him not to give up, even followed him all the way to Puerto Rico. He doesn't believe she'd have chosen to leave if the x files hadn't been closed, but I don't think he was sure she'd stick around forever without a reason. But she's relentless in her loyalty and friendship -- a trait he recognizes because it's one they share. He will never choose to leave her, and is allowing himself to trust that she's still there because she wants to be.

Finally, he's also got himself. Among all the things he'd lost at the beginning of the episode, the biggest loss was himself. But he was mourning everything except that. Those "good riddance @ former me" vibes were strong at the beginning of the episode -- and of course they were a form of grief. But it almost feels like he wanted to punish himself, blame himself for everything that went wrong. (That is also something we keep seeing. The show has amazing continuity with things like that. Things get to him. He takes failure really hard. He's not gentle with himself.) So this is the culmination of the previous two points: he has his purpose back, and he has someone who cares about him, who has his back, someone he loves (and I am going to use that term here even if it's debatable how aware they are of their feelings at this point; there are so many forms of love, and I think it's not up to debate that they love each other in some way, possibly even a way they may not even know about yet).

It's such a strong episode for him, and I love all the ways it mirrors the pilot and contrasts the Mulder from back then with the Mulder a year later. So much has happened, and neither he nor Scully are the same people they were, and that's life. It's so well done.

[doomer-diva]

1998 Yahoo! Internet Lift July X-Files Gillian Anderson Interview

X-LIFE: Scully seems to be in tune with her computer, e-mail, and the Net.  But you've admitted that's the show, not real life.  Has the role nudge you into exploring cyberspace a bit more?

GILLIAN: Well, I do own a laptop, but part of me is a little afraid I would shirk my real-life responsibilities if I actually went online a lot.

X-LIFE: So how do you look so convincing when you're using computers on the show?

GILLIAN: It's called acting.  I have a general idea of what's on the Net.  I don't have a deep understanding of all those chat rooms, or have down all of the terminology.  But I can definitely pretend like I do.

X-LIFE: No one has a deep understanding of those chat rooms.  How do you feel about online adulation?  Last we searched, there were 24,000 Web links listed in AltaVista such sites as the Gillian Anderson Estrogen Brigade (www.teatime.com/gaeb), the Gillian Anderson House of Worship (crunchie.simplenet.com/gahow.html), and the Gillian Anderson Picture Vault (www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Theatre/2527).  Do you sometimes stop and think, "Who are all these people?"

GILLIAN: Honestly, if it makes people happy I don't care what they do with their free time, with their lives.  If that's the way they want to spend it, then it's their choice.  I don't consider them losers in any way.   Hey, they're doing that instead of hitting the bars, and that's fine by me.

X-LIFE: Yet the minute there's talk or even rumors about you in the press, it's on the Net in a matter of seconds.  Does that make you a little paranoid?

GILLIAN: Hmmm ... I hadn't really thought about it in terms of paranoia.

X-LIFE: All that "truth" showing up out there?

GILLIAN: Come to think of it, now you're making me paranoid.  [Laughs]  People make up stuff.  That's what the whole tabloid press is about.  But all that matters is the truth, and we know what the truth is.   Everything else is superfluous.

X-LIFE: So when you do log on, what do you log on for?

GILLIAN: It's mostly when I do some work with my local radio station.  Sometimes, after a radio session, I'll log on.  But most of the time we have to abort the process because so many people start coming on to ask questions that the entire system shuts down.

X-LIFE: When Scully goes home at night and logs on, where does she go?

GILLIAN: Most of the time she's looking for research, or trying to find information about people she's investigating.  Pathogens, diseases, and stuff like that.

X-LIFE: Would she ever consider going into a chat room with a nice, single pathologist?

GILLIAN: A nice, single pathologist?  [Laughs]   She might.  That's kind of interesting.  She might.

X-LIFE: I ask because online, one of the most debated X-Files questions is, "Who should Scully become romantically involved with?  The list runs the gamut from Mulder to Krycek to Skinner.  For the record, what kind of man is Scully attracted to?

GILLIAN: Well, hey, that's not a very big pool you've got there.

X-LIFE: Fans will throw any character into the scenario.  Shoot, even Flukeman.

GILLIAN: What about, oh, what was his name?   Kresge.  I thought there might be some possibility there for Scully.   That was the one person I can see her being interested in.  The only valid prospect in the last couple of years.

X-LIFE: That's kind of depressing.

GILLIAN: Well, she doesn't have a lot of time for anything else.

X-LIFE: There's also some rough stuff out there on the Net.  As a mother, what are your impressions of the Net?

GILLIAN: I think that's it's valid to put some kind of block on some of the information that's out there, but otherwise, I think the way to deal with it is in education, and working with kids early on in their lives so they don't feel the need to have that kind of outlet.  If they're predisposed to finding that [pornographic] kind of information, there's something lacking in their lives.  It's not about getting the information, because they can get it anywhere they want.

X-LIFE: Well, what do you think about all of the manipulated photos of you that are on the net from facial distortions to superimposed nude bodies?   You and Alicia Silverstone are perhaps the favorite subjects of these enthusiasts.  Does this bother you at all?

GILLIAN: No.  It would bother me more if I thought they were real photos of me nude.  Knowing that they're not, it doesn't really bother me at all.

X-LIFE: Then you take a live-and-let live approach?

GILLIAN: Why should I be bothered?  As far as David [Duchovny, her costar] and I are concerned, our images are exploited left and right, and we have no control over it.  So it's just another aspect of that.

X-LIFE: Speaking of exploitation, there's been a lot of tension between Twentieth Century Fox and online fans over some X-Files fan sites and the posting of copyrighted materials.  At first, this was largely tolerated; now, Fox is going after them, and many fans feel it will backfire.  How do you feel?

GILLIAN: I'm not actually aware of that struggle.   Tell me more about it.

X-LIFE: Well, there are a lot of sites out there devoted to you and David.  Most are not posted for profit, although some fans do post copyrighted stills of the show.  So Fox lawyers have sent out cease-and-desist letters to some of the sites.  The online community gets unhappy when this happens, but Fox has a point as well.

GILLIAN: I'm not versed enough about the Internet to know what's being exploited and what's not.  But I believe in freedom of speech, and to a certain degree, freedom of the press.  My opinion right off the bat is that it's just people online having a good time.  As long as it's not for profit, Fox is making a tremendous profit on everything.  I don't think it would diminish the profit that they're making.  If it's not for profit, and it's just for fun, hey, it's par for the course.

X-LIFE: There's a lot of speculation on the Internet about the success of your upcoming movie. Entertainment Weekly rated the film one of the riskiest releases of the coming season.  Is that a concern of yours?

GILLIAN: No, it's not a concern at all.  I don't know why they would have rated it risky.  With all of the die-hard fans alone, the movie would end up being  a success, and that's not even taking into consideration new viewers or people who have never seen the show before.

X-LIFE: What does the success of the film mean for you?

GILLIAN: It would mean that in the future, we would revisit this situation every few years and do more features, which for me is an exciting prospect.

X-LIFE: Are you getting tired of the television series?

GILLIAN: It's not that I'm getting tired of it, it's just that it's incredibly grueling.  And if we're going to be doing features every few years, ya know, it seems that the more productive scenario to keep us alive and interested in doing the work would be to have the show flip over to features, and gradually let go of he TV series within the next one or two years.

X-LIFE: On the Net, fans rate Jose Chung's "From Outer Space" and Clyde Bruckman's "Final Repose" as the best episodes.   Which do you like most?

GILLIAN: I think that one of the more recent ones the vampire one, called "Bad Blood," is one of my favorites of all time now.

X-LIFE: Do you feel any of the episodes have gone too far?

GILLIAN: There are some I'm not too crazy about, but not because they went too far.  I wasn't that crazy in the end about the two-parter involving my daughter.  I liked aspects of them, but as a whole, they didn't turn out as well as I wanted them to.

X-LIFE: Does [X-Files creator] Chris Carter ever come on the set to show you things he find online, like what Net fans think about your performances?

GILLIAN: Chris will sometimes bring up things that perked his interest online.  But we don't actually see him that often.

X-LIFE: Final question: When it comes to believing in extraterrestrial life, are you more like Scully or Mulder?

GILLIAN: My take is that the universe is vast beyond our wildest dreams, that it's more likely than not that there is life out there.  In that respect, I'd have to say I'm more Mulder-oriented.

End interview

[deathsbestgirl]

okay. writing about why never again should come before leonard betts is actually hard. because it's really just a few small moments in leonard betts make more sense if they're after never again, and it's so much better to go to memento mori right after the reveal at the end of leonard betts.

never again ends with silence. mulder cutting off his sentence. if it were going to happen, it would be then. but it doesn't, and so the silence persists.

leonard betts has a similar feel to arcadia, where they're trying to get on the same page, slip back into their roles. mulder uses humor at crazy moments, and scully pretends not to think it's funny and stays focused on the case.

in the end, she sits alone in the car in silence. waiting for mulder. he tells her she did a good job, she should proud. a verbal validation he doesn't often give, something she craves & loves, a little taste of something she wanted from him in never again. and she can't enjoy it because she's terrified. scully believes leonard betts and she just wants to go home.

it really strikes me the way there's no physical comfort. in paper hearts, scully was fierce. she tried so hard for mulder and failed. but in the end, he leans into her, they hug, she pets his head. in never again there was no comfort either. mulder was petty and he didn't understand. this time he's kinder when she was attacked, but there's a physical distance that isn't typical.

then in memento mori, she calls only mulder. scully tells him so tenderly. she has no idea what to do, and she know what this will do to mulder. he's with her when they go to skinner so they can officially open a case on it & investigate. when she doesn't explain it to skinner, mulder steps in for her. he tries so hard to be strong when they both know he isn't. but scully is being forced to face something she's left buried. now she can't.

in the hospital, she calls mulder to ask him to bring her stuff & call her mom. she writes letter after letter to mulder. begging forgiveness, telling him she'll only get through this because she knows he's out there, following his own path.

but their path is the same. he will follow her to her death.

they have never been as physically affectionate as they are in memento mori and the reduxes.

in elegy, she sees the ghosts, an omen of her impending death. when she finally tells mulder, he's hurt. he wants to be there for her. in demons, he believes she's dying and that he can't save her, and they both deserve answers. he doesn't want to live without her, he can't keep on his search for the truth without her. but he also won't ask her to follow him into this and he only calls her when he can't remember what happened, there's blood & he's in shock. she knows his suicidal tendencies, it's exactly what has her so worried. who will be there for him when she's gone?

mulder + scully know exactly what they have. scully will give him everything she has, even when it's only her dignity so that he won't rot in prison for something he had to do. mulder will follow her to end of the earth, to the grace without any hesitation.

small potatoes is so painful because of the unspoken agreement not to address their feelings. "mulder" shows up at scully's apartment, and she gives in. she's soaking up the attention she's always wanted from him. they don't kiss, she doesn't move to bridge the gap, she just waits. and then the real mulder comes crashing in and the pain is face is clearly visible. he knew exactly where van blundht was going. it wasn't even a question.

mulder isn't heartbroken that van blundht had a chance with scully and he doesn't, he's heartbroken because they chose silence and now she has a deadly cancer.

in detour, scully makes an attempt to open the door and mulder flees. he knew what was on her mind, but he still can't take it from her. she can't even be mad, but the silence persists and the gap grows.

there's nothing they won't do for each other, but leaving their feelings unsaid hurts them. to the point scully thinks all she's done is hold him back. and in fight the future, he finally says so many of the things she has desperately needed to hear. and she clings to her skeptic role because it still wasn't quite enough. their kiss was interrupted and they don't bring it up and fowley is present, driving another wedge.

from scully's perspective, mulder didn't trust her in never again, and then she lives it all over again because of diana. he doesn't trust her judgment, reduces it to jealousy because they both know her feelings. and she's still unsure of mulder's because of this, and the ever persistent silence. even after one son, he doesn't accept it. only after amor fati, when he was able to hear diana's thoughts and she consequently dies for helping scully save him, does he understand that scully's right. and once again, gives a beautiful speech. between all of this there's been "you're my one in five billion" and "i love you" and "you saved the world scully" and the hallway/bee scene and they play baseball & flirt. until he says to her, looking into her eyes, that she was his friend, his constant, his touchstone.

scully never hears what he says to diana about her. which could have helped her. but she only saw him holding her hand, clinging to diana's shared beliefs, because he knows her. and like in never again, she feels invisible. she feels useless. she's holding him back.

it isn't until the end of amor fati that the tension breaks. things become lighter when scully feels more secure. when he starts giving her the attention she has always wanted, when he lets her take the lead on cases, when she's allowed to believe sometimes without it turning their world upside down.

it's just a better progression. never again shouldn't be about scully's cancer diagnosis & impending death. it's about her, her patterns, mulder. it's about her struggles with what's expected of her, what she should want and the reality of what she wants & chose. her fear that mulder is an authority, and that she gives him that authority.

[randomfoggytiger]

Mulder Would Never Let Scully Walk Away with Words Left Unsaid

I could never understand some fics/meta where Scully and Mulder dance around their feelings until Scully feels wounded, won't communicate, and splits their relationship with silence. And the problem doesn't have too much to do with Scully (aside from the fact that she faces hardship head on with shoulders squared, not backing down from personal problems.) The problem, really, rests with Mulder's characterization.

Mulder, with all his flaws and fixations, would have too much righteous fury to let Scully walk away with words unsaid.

Not in a bad way, either:

In Ice he spits out "I want to trust you." In Beyond the Sea, he yells "You could be dead right now!" In One Breath, he rails against Scully's coma, her family's decisions, the men that were getting away with her abduction and impending death. In Anasazi, he confronts Scully over her perceived treachery ("taking your LITTLE NOTES.") In Elegy, he snaps that Scully withheld information from him, implying that she owed him more because of their trust and partnership. In All Souls he admits his heightened fear that Scully was being emotionally manipulated by what Father Joseph(?) was saying. And pivotally in FTF he ran into the hallway when Scully was literally walking out of his life, pinning her on her misunderstandings and telling her how wrong she was by confessing his love in the most Mulder way possible. His intensity and fervor isn't threatening: it's raw, intense vulnerability-- with Scully, with informants, with his parents, with his boss, with his friends, with his enemies. This continues the rest of the series (Triangle, One Son, Milagro, Field Trip, En Ami, Closure, etc.)

The only time Mulder has ever let Scully leave something unsaid is because she was fragile in the face of another trauma, giving her space to recover before he probed the issue further: the almost rape in Genderbender, Scully's second kidnapping in Irresistible, her injury in Fresh Bones, her prison jump scare in The List, her bristle in Never Again, her avoidance in Memento Mori, most of her health scares in Elegy, her daughter's death in Emily, her Pfaster part two in Orison, etc. His deep care for her revolves on the axis of trust: he will let her recover, but he inevitably needs her to be transparent with him.

This is a core part of Mulder's character from day one: David Duchovny talked about how he portrayed Mulder as an intense, morose character, narrow-mindedly searching for the Truth to the detriment of everything. He often incorporated that fallen-from-a-pedestal quality in Mulder's reactions to Scully, making him disagreeable, taciturn, and more human. And Mulder made his intentions clear from the first time he met Scully, baldly telling her he knew she was a spy each and every step of the way until she earned his trust with her guileless, morally impeccable behavior.

Mulder is a man who sniffs something buried and digs and digs and digs at it until it's brought into the sunlight and exposed. He has always treated-- will always treat-- Scully the same; and she respects that about him, trying to answer as transparently as she can in the moment (mostly honest, yet not always vulnerable.) Whenever Scully has withdrawn, Mulder has pursued. (That's also why Scully was so confused in Three Words when Mulder was listless in the face of many unanswered personal questions-- his trauma festering until he is given an enemy to pursue. But that's a post for another time.)

This perception of Mulder not only tramples on MSR's delicate balance with their layers of communication but, more importantly, it portrays Mulder as someone who would let Scully go years without addressing THAT THING just because he wouldn't want to lose her. And while it's true that Mulder and Scully don't talk about THOSE THINGS openly, it's not because he's afraid (or she's afraid) he'll lose his partner: far from it, he's too certain she'll put up with all his nonsense and come along anyway (and all the shenanigans she's endorsed-- and will endorse-- prove him right.) In fact, Mulder's lesson was not to brush Scully aside and not to too easily abuse her sacrificial nature ("selfish and narcissistic", "mystery of the heart", "life on this planet".) He just didn't want to talk about THOSE THINGS yet; because he couldn't "settle down, ...approach something of a normal life" while Samantha was still unrecovered. But that's another story for another time~.

[spookyshipperfics]

Do You Like Scary Movies? Fic Masterlist

Find me on ao3

This collection of fics has Scully and Mulder entering the universes of iconic horror movies.

*MSR is always the main focus. *No knowledge of the movies is required before reading. *These are NOT scary, but any warnings will be provided when necessary.

**********

Bigger Boat - ao3

Scully and Mulder investigate a mysterious pair of shark attacks off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard, but things aren’t exactly as they appear.

Jaws Inspired / Words: 9,658 / Rating: E

If You Were That Stoned, What? - ao3

Scully and Mulder head to Camp Crystal Lake to investigate the grounds, but things are derailed by partying camp counselors. Instead of breaking up the party, though, they become a part of it.

Friday the 13th Inspired / Words: 4,284 / Rating: M

Vacancy - a03

On the way to a case, Scully and Mulder lose their battle against the rain and have to spend the night at the Bates Motel. Smuttiness ensues.

Psycho Inspired / Words: 2,859 / Rating: E

I Don't Want to Talk - a03

Scully’s grief over losing Emily returns on a new case, and she turns to Mulder for unexpected comfort.

Rosemary's Baby Inspired / Words: 1,159 / Rating: M

What Lurks in the Forest - a03

Hikers are missing. Stories of an ancient being are whispered by the locals. Mulder drags Scully to the forest to investigate. Something strange is keeping them from the truth, but it only pushes them closer together.

The Ritual Inspired / Words: 8,285 / Rating: E

Darkened Skies - a03

Scully and Mulder help out Skinner when bird attacks derail his vacation to a seaside cottage. Everything changes after they are forced to take cover in a phone booth.

The Birds Inspired / Words: 1,719 / Rating: E

Viewing Experience - a03

Mulder and Scully have a scary movie night that inspires them to reveal their feelings. Basically, the ’90s version of “Netflix and Chill.”

The Exorcist Inspired / Words: 1,951 / Rating: T

These Dreams - a03

While unwinding at a bar, things get a little bit awkward, a little bit silly, and A LOT flirty when Mulder asks Scully about her dreams.

Nightmare on Elm Street Inspired / Words: 1,919 / Rating: M

These Dreams (Part 2) - a03

This is a follow-up to These Dreams. Now that Mulder and Scully have confessed their dirty, secret, and unprofessional dreams to each other, they set about making them come true.

Nightmare on Elm Street Inspired / Words: 1,655 / Rating: E

Talk to Me - a03

Scully and Mulder are broken up, but when feelings about William resurface, Mulder tries to comfort her in his own way. Takes place somewhere early in the revival, meaning there is angst.

Frankenstein Inspired / Words: 1,142 / Rating: E

Boyfriend - a03

Scully and Mulder might have recently crossed into a romantic relationship, but that doesn’t mean she wants to call him her boyfriend. However, when Mulder surprises her while babysitting her godson, it has Scully questioning her stance on labels.

Halloween Inspired / Words: 3,056 / Rating: M

The Finer Things - a03

Scully and Mulder are sent undercover onboard a luxury train to investigate the presence of a suspicious and undocumented train car. Playing a wealthy married couple is tricky, but they run into even bigger issues when an unwelcomed agent gets sent in for backup.

Horror Express Inspired / Words: 15,681 / Rating: E

Unprofessional - a03

Scully isn't happy when a case sends them to a New Orleans swamp. She's even less thrilled when a local tour guide gets the hots for Mulder and invites him to dinner.

Hatchet Inspired / Words: 1,876 / Rating: E

Something - a03

Mulder is ready for something more with Scully, but his hopes for romance shatter when he realizes Scully has reconnected with her ex-boyfriend.

Trick 'r Treat Inspired / Words: 1,787 / Rating: T

Discussing the Case - a03

While investigating the Babysitter Killer, the local PD files a misconduct complaint against Scully and Mulder. They swear it’s a misunderstanding, but if they want to keep their jobs, Skinner has to shadow them, ensuring the allegations of “unnecessary touching” and “standing too close together” aren’t true.

Halloween H20 Inspired / Words: 8,397 / Rating: E

Fascinating - a03

An awkward hiking scenario results in Mulder and Scully sharing a tent. The problem... Skinner is also there.

Blair Witch Inspired / Words: 1,405 / Rating: M

Fascinating (Part 2) - a03

Scully and Mulder continue their hike in the woods after the new development in their relationship. If only Skinner wasn't around to witness it.

Blair Witch Inspired / Words: 1,651 / Rating: T

Desires Under Darkness - a03

Scully isn’t happy when Mulder cancels their flight on Valentine’s Day to work a case. She’s lonely, she’s horny, and her new partner is the cause of both frustrations.

My Bloody Valentine Inspired / Words: 2,288 / Rating: E

[samblackblog]

Chapter 1

⎔ MASTERLIST ⎔ REQUESTS ⎔ X FILES ⎔ I WANT TO BELIEVE ⎔

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings:

A/N: Wrote these years ago, hope someone enjoys

▪️Chapter 2 →

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Tonight was a late and exhausting night. I was up most of it with Mulder finishing a case, all the evidence needed, we had. We caught the suspect, who then killed themselves with a cyanide capsule. The evidence was incriminating, we had enough to blow this whole thing wide open, to show that this man was working for our Government; which has been hiding and experimenting on Aliens and extraterrestrial life for years. As I said, the truth will be out there by mid-afternoon tomorrow. Mulder and I have a meeting with Assistant Director Skinner tomorrow; it's time for him to believe. Believe in UFO's and extraterrestrial life. Therefore I should get some rest, I've got a big day ahead, and I hope that Mulder gets some sleep. The last time I saw him was in the office, I just hope he doesn't stay up all night, like he usually does. God he stresses me out, but where would I be without him? Probably stuck behind a desk waiting for my big break! I push the thoughts aside and wash what little make up I have on, off. The water splashes in the sink basin. Outside of the bathroom, I hear a floor board creek. I open the door quietly, and walk over to the aide board. I grab my gun, and walk through each room. Nothing. There's nothing, not a thing or a sound. Creek! It came from the kitchen. I hear it again, and the sound is followed by a draft of cold air. I peer into the kitchen; the window is open a little. I must have opened it for fresh air this morning. I close it, and hear the creek again. It came from behind me, I spin around and point my gun. Meow! 

"What are you doing cat?" I look into its big green eyes, and it meows. "you scared me, that's all.' I'm talking to a cat. Great! I suppose it's not as weird as some of Mulder's things. 

"What am I going to do with you?" I ask. 

I carry the cat to the front door, and it starts to rain. I feel bad about throwing it out into this weather. It's not just a shower, it's full on raining. Then a clap of lighting illuminates the street. 

"Just tonight." I say to the cat as I shut the door. I go to the bed room calling the cat, and peel back the duvet. I climb in and the cat follows. Before I turn the light off, I check for a tag. Nope. No tag. 

"I don't know if you even have a name, let alone a home." 

Meow! I stroke by its ear and under its chin. I fall asleep to the sound of the cat's deep purr.

Ring, ring! Ring, ring! Ring, ring! I'm still partially asleep when I hear the doorbell. No. Not the doorbell.

"It's the telephone!" I yell as I lean up in bed. The cat hisses after being startled by me. 

Ring, ring! I pick up the receiver and try to speak. my throats clammy, so I have to cough.

"Hello?" I manage.

"Scully, it's Mulder." I can sense the anger in his tone.

"What's up Mulder?" I ask. My pitch has gone up.

"They've taken it! All of it, down to the smallest piece of insignificant data." He throws something because I hear it hit the wall.

"Mulder calm down! What happened? What have they taken?" I try to calm myself for the inevitable. 

"They took the evidence. Scully it's all gone." he pauses for breath. "Not only did they take the evidence, but they have made us look like fools. Or rather, they will." 

I tell him to calm down, and I'll be right over.

I enter the Federal building at 8:30am. Early but I need to see Mulder. After all this case has cost, all the hours it took. It's worse for him, he's devoted half his life for chasing UFO's and extraterrestrial life, and how much evidence has he got? Zilch. Nada. Naught. Not anything more than a blurry photograph that could be a fake. I make my way down the corridors an show my ID. Then down a few more corridors, and finally to the basement. I knock on the door, no reply. I knock again. I reach for the Handle as someone opens the door. 

"Didn't you hear me Mulder?" I'm curious as to why he didn't answer.

"Yeah, I just thought it was one of those polite knocks you do to announce yourself. After all, this is as much your office as it is mine. So why knock?" He does that thing where he stares into your eyes trying to put things together, that or he hasn't slept yet. 

"I, er... I knocked in case you were on the phone, or chucking anything!" I half laugh. I can see a smile trying to break out on his face. 

"You wouldn't believe this, but they even erased the answer machine." he sounded like a moaning kid. However, he has a point. There was information on that.

"Can we ask for the tape back? I mean jut ask for the contact information of the deceased's family." I suggest. I don't know why I suggested this, because I know he would have already tried. 

"No. I tried that, I don't think..." he trails off. 

The next thing I know, he has me in a hug. I pat his back.

"Scully?" He sounds confused.

"Yeah?" 

"Why do you smell like cat?" He takes a deep breath. 

"Why are you smelling me?" I joke. "It's a long story." I can tell he wants to know. "I'll tell it anyway!" Yay. This is going to be annoying, it's not that interesting.

I finish telling him about the cat that I thought was an intruder, and he just laughs. I suppose it is funny. 

"I can't believe you thought the cat was an intruder. You even talked to it Scully." He started to chuckle. 

"Mulder, I don't think you would have done anything different. I can't help but feel that you're displeased." I sound very harsh, but if he thinks he can be critical of me, when he's spooky Mulder... then he has other thing coming.

"Displeased? Scully, why would you think that? After everything I have seen, you think talking to a cat is..." he's lost for the last word.

"Spooky?" I suggest.

He just nods and carries on chuckling. Sometimes I think he deserves the way he's treated, and should get called all the names. I remember the first time we met, it was a bit... strange.

"Agent Mulder. I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you." I sounded confident.

"Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. So who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?" his voice had a hint of sarcasm and patronisation. Like I was a kid getting lost and stuck in something that I shouldn't be involved with. I got the impression I was not welcome.

"Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you. I've heard a lot about you." I tried to show enthusiasm, but in all honesty I remember thinking he was spooky and possibly crazy to believe in UFO's. 

"Oh, really? I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me." he looked at me, to see my reaction. Luckily I could control myself. 

He then went into showing me things that he thought were evidence of UFO and Extraterrestrial life. Fake. Was all I thought. I don't believe, I need scientific evidence to be able to believe. If only I knew what the future may hold, I would have believed right there and then.

I come to from the past, when Mulder grabs my shoulders. I can see he asked me a question, so I just say: "yes." even though I've no idea what he said. 

"So you agree that we should go take a naked mud bath together and paint each other with ancient symbols to get the aliens to visit. Good. I'm glad that's settled." he sounds quite real about that.

"Excuse me?" I ask with a slight note of worry. 

"Well I asked if we should do that and you said 'yes'!" he looks at me, wearing my 'I'm not amused' expression "alright, you caught me out! I really asked: are you all right? You looked like you were in a trance. Your face gave it away, you looked confused and disorientated, like you didn't know what happened and were trying to remember where you were." Again he looked at me to see if I was following. "I then guessed that you hadn't heard me, and just said what you thought." he finishes, then sighs. "You should work on controlling your facial expressions. They haven't become any better since the first day I met you, and you tried to hide the fact that you may be spying on me." his face lights up when he sees my new reaction. I'm dumbfounded.

Not sure what to do, so I say: "got any evidence to prove that nice theory Mulder?" I walk out to make coffee.

The machine gurgles as it prepares the coffee. I wait beside it, drumming my fingers on the work surface. A person walks into the room, and makes a tea on the other side of the room. I don't pay much attention to them, and don't see their face. On their way out, they walk into me; knocking me to the ground. I get up a notice a piece of paper on the floor beside me. It reads:

Twelve strikes and it will begin.

Twelve till twelve, deep down in the skin.

Hold your breath, see what you find.

You may prevent death or cause it to bind.

The machine finishes my coffee, but I go back without it. When I enter the office Mulder looks up from his desk.

"Where's the Coffee Scully? I assume that's what you went to get." I see his face turns from mocking to alarm in a manner of seconds. "What's wrong? Did you see Skinner?" He actually is panicking now.

I hold out the piece of paper. He takes the paper from me, and reads it. He looks at me with no understanding.

"Practising your poetry now?" He hands the note back.

"No. It's not mine. Well, I didn't write it." I pause for breath. What do I tell him? That an anonymous FBI agent gave this to me? I assume it was an FBI agent. "Mulder, when I made coffee... There was this person. I didn't see them, not really. Anyway they walked into me and disappeared. They left this note in my possession." I sit down, and try to piece this together. What could it mean? "Mulder, what do you think it means? Is it just a poem, or a warning?"

"I'm not sure, but it's a hell of a poem. Let's put it that way." 

I had the note checked for finger prints. The only ones on there are mine and Mulders. Whoever left it for me, sure knew what they were doing. I decide to go get some coffee, since I didn't have any the last time. This time the machine is quicker so I get Mulder one as well. I enter our office quietly because I hear talking. I find Mulder on his chair, eyes closed mumbling: "Twelve strikes and it will begin. Twelve till twelve, deep down in the skin. Hold your breath, see what you find. You may prevent death or cause it to bind." He pauses. Did he hear me? Then he starts again. "Hold your breath, see what you find... Hold your breath... Hold" He takes a deep breath and holds it in. 

"Mulder, what are you doing?" I say, with a note of amusement. 

He turns to me, eyes shut breath held in. His index finger is up signaling for me to give him a minute. He exhales loudly. 

"See what you find." he says while opening his eyes. "It's you Scully. I see you. That's what I found. You." he chuckles and folds the note up, which is then placed in his suit blazer pocket. I sigh and put the coffees down in front of him. I think he may be looking to much into this, and I tell him that.

"Scully, why would you have received this if it didn't mean anything? I think that this does mean something. I think something will happen, and it will happen very soon. This may help us 'prevent death', like it says." Is what I get back.

"Yes, and it also says 'or cause it to bind'. That could mean that death may take many more lives than one, if we interfere." I explain.

"Well, I'm not waiting around for something to happen." He says while turning in his chair and shutting his eyes. 

I go over to my desk and switch the computer on. I readjust my field report for the last case, but save it as a new file. This way skinner can read both a see what he thinks. We found a lot of evidence to suggest our hypothesis was correct, so maybe just the explanation of it in the report will convince him. It gets to mid-day.

"Mulder we need to go. Skinner is waiting." I quietly say, in case he's in thought.

"Mhmmm" is the answer I get. 

I send the two computer files to the printer on the fifth floor. We then walk up the stairs instead of using the elevator, both of us are trying to delay the meeting. 

When we get to the fifth floor I only find ones of the documents. Funnily enough, it's the edited one, written without mention of the stolen evidence. 

"Mulder I'll be back in a minute." I say as I walk to the elevator. I push the button for the basement, I get to the forth floor and seven people get in. Three want the ground floor, one needs the seventh and two need the eighth and the last one needs the fifth. I'm glad I got in before or I might be waiting a while. We stop at the ground floor, only need to go down a level. The elevator goes up.

"What?" I half breath out. 

That's not right, it should go down. I press the basement button again. We stop at the seventh, fifth then eighth before reaching the basement. Someone wanted to delay me, but why? Our office. They're in our office again. I run the rest of the way. I fling the door open, hoping to catch someone. No one's there, nothing I out of order. I'm paranoid. 

I'll have to print the file again.

"That's funny." 

The computers on. I'm sure I turned it off, probably forgot due to being in a rush. I look for the file. 

"Damnit!" I yell. It's gone, the file's gone. They've deleted it. There's nothing I can do, so I rejoin Mulder.

"The report with the evidence in has gone, even the computer file has gone." I say in a loud voice. People look up from their desks.

"We'll have to use this one." He talks slowly and quietly, like he thinks they're listening. I don't doubt that they are listening, the question is: who is listening? The people Deep Throat used to work for, before he was shot? Perhaps. Maybe this whole thing is bigger than we thought. I know we are in over our heads and there is no going back, we've seen too much. 

"Should we get to Skinner's office?" he asks. I nod. "After you" he teases and points ahead.

"What's next, I get to hold your arm?!" I joke back, as he actually offers his arm. Of course I brush it aside.

The smell of cigarette smoke fills the air, making it hard to breathe without coughing. As a doctor I know the damages it has to your health, so I turn my head away from Cigarette-smoking man. That's not his real name; but we don't know it, so we stick with the nickname. He despises us, we can tell from the numerous times he's worked against us. Or dropped us in trouble. A few months back the X-Files were shut down, when they were reinstated and Mulder and I could finally work together again, he wasn't happy. We later found out that he had done everything he could to keep us shut down. I guess you can't keep the truth hidden for ever. My thoughts are interrupted by Mulder, arguing with Skinner.

"Sir, I think we know what we saw. Can't you just believe us for once?" He stands up in his frustration and starts pacing. "We had the evidence to prove that UFO's exists, and that the Government has been experimenting with Alien viruses and technology." He sits again, hands on the arm rest of his chair. 

"Agent Mulder, where is this so called evidence?" Skinner patronisingly says.

I can tell Mulder is going to say something he will regret, so I step in.

"Sir, is it not good enough that we solved the case?" I interject.

"Agent Scully, it would be if Agent Mulder hadn't said about the missing evidence." He sighs.

Skinner has a point, it's one thing to have evidence stolen, it's another thing to accuse the Government of these actions. Although I too have my suspicions. Cigarette-smoking man comes over from the window and sets his carton of cigarettes on Skinners desk. He lights another after putting one out. 

"I think that's all" Skinner says.

As I get up my eyes are on the overflowing ash tray, and the cartoon of Cigarettes. I wonder how many he has a day? 

"Would you like one Agent Scully?" Cigarette-smoking man asks. A smile crosses his face, and yellowing teeth are revealed. He knows I hate smoking, probably knows I don't like him too. He'd the kind of man that would work for the secret secret Government organisation that stole the evidence and killed Deep Throat. I ignore him and walk out. I hear him chuckle before I make it out of the door. 

"Woah! Wait up Scully." Mulder yells. 

I face him while he catches up, then immediately start off again. He's by my side and follows me out of the building. We walk for a while before I stop in a park. 

"Perfect." I sigh.

People around, green grass, trees and not a federal agent in sight. I didn't come hear to relax. I want to scream and shout about the betrayal I feel from the bureau. I want to tell Mulder to give up chasing UFO's and E.B.E's, and to pursue a normal life that the government can't mess around with. What use is that? He will never give up. Not till he knows the truth. If only there was a way to find his sister. She was the start of this, when she was abducted at the age of eight. I want to help him, I do, but it feels useless even trying. Before I can say anything to Mulder, a gun is fired. The sound of screams and the tolling bell of midday hurts my ears. Where was the shot fired from? Who was the target? I turn to see, an old man fall to his knees. I hear the second shot. This time I see the bullet. I see it emerge from the other side of the old man's head.

[baronessblixen]

Ficmas Day 1 ~ mistletoe kiss (from this list)

Post-ep for "How the Ghosts Stole Christmas", wc: 1048. Tagging @today-in-fic

There's Always Mistletoe

"I promise you I have nothing to do with this," Mulder says as they both stare at her car. Her decidedly dead car. No matter what she tries, it won't start. All it does is sputter in desperation before it gives up.

It's Christmas morning, just after 5 a.m. She's stuck here with Mulder for the foreseeable future. Her family will celebrate Christmas without her. Again.

"I know it's not your fault," she assures him, struggling with the words. "I should call my mother, let her know I won't be coming." Her unshed tears constrict her throat. She'd been looking forward to Christmas, to seeing her nephews and nieces - even her brother Bill.

For once she was hoping tragedy wouldn't strike and she'd get to see them all, have a good time. She should have known better.

"How about... I'll drive you."

"Mulder."

"My car is working just fine."

"I can't ask you to do that."

"I'm offering. Please let me do this. I feel responsible. If I hadn't asked you to come to the haunted house, your car probably would have made the trip to your mother's. So please, Scully. As a Christmas gift."

"You already gave me a gift."

"Another one then. Consider it an early birthday present." He smiles but there's mournfulness in his expression.

"Fine. You think we can get there before 6 am?" Mulder opens his mouth to reply but stops when she bites her bottom lip. Who knew she could distract him like that? He recovers and nods, his eyes glinting with mischief.

"I will get you there on time," he promises.

They arrive at 5.57 a.m and Mulder grins at her, looking young and boyish. There's a dimple in his cheek and it takes all her willpower not to reach out and touch it.

"Let's unload the gifts," he says, breaking the spell. "Before anyone sees us."

They sneak inside the house. Their entrance masked by excited voices coming from upstairs and the kitchen. Scully hears her name being uttered somewhere. She and Mulder share a look and quickly put the presents under the tree. A moment later her mother walks into the living room, startling them.

"Dana, there you are. I thought I heard a noise. Fox, what a lovely surprise to see you."

"Good morning Mrs. Scully," he says, "And Merry Christmas. I'm just here to drop off Dana. I-"

Before he can finish his sentence, an onslaught of little feet and flailing arms comes rushing in.

"Santa came! Santa came!" The kids chant in unison. They run past Scully and Mulder, only seeing the shiny presents that they know are for them.

"I should leave now so-" he's cut off again when the adults follow suit, walking into the living room with messy hair and sleepy eyes.

"Dana, I'm so glad you're here." She gets hugs from Tara, several cousins, and finally, from her brother. Even as he hugs her, she knows his eyes are fixated on Mulder.

"Merry Christmas," she says, hoping the situation won't escalate.

"I'm leaving now," Mulder says, walking backward. "I will, um, Scully if you need me to pick you up and take you home," everyone stares at him and then at her. They both blush. "You know where to- just call me. Merry Christmas." He gives an awkward wave and as he turns around, he crashes into a sideboard.

Someone giggles and somebody else groans. She can just imagine who that was.

"Mulder wait." He's almost to the door when she catches up with him.

"I'm sorry, Scully."

"Are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?"

"Bones of steel," he jokes. "Have a wonderful time with your family, okay?" She nods, too baffled to reply. She wants to ask him to stay. The truth is she doesn't want to spend Christmas without him.

"Are you sure you don't-"

"Oh look," Tara says, joining them in the hall. "You're under the mistletoe!" They look up at where the offending plant dangles over them inconspicuously. "You know what that means." She winks at them and Scully is 15 again, caught with her secret crush. To make matters worse, their mother walks into the hall to see what the hold-up is. So does Bill.

"I was just about to leave," Mulder says.

"You have to kiss first," Tara sing-songs.

"It's tradition," her mother chimes in with a big smile. Bill just grunts, taking a sip from his coffee.

"Let's get it over with," Scully mumbles, turning to Mulder.

"Ouch," he says, smiling softly. "I hope kissing me is not that bad."

"No," she says quickly. Not that she has any experience kissing Mulder. This will be their first kiss and her whole family is here to witness it. "I just always imagined it differently," she adds quietly.

"You imagined us kissing?" He asks and she notices his warmth pressing against her. His hands have snuck to her hips, holding her still.

"I- maybe? After Antarctica, I - have you thought about it?"

"Only every day." They stare at each other and she loses herself in his eyes. His pupils are dilated and if she's not mistaken, she can feel his heart sprint against hers. Or maybe it's her own. Her neck protests as she continues to gaze up at him. To hell with her neck and her family. She wants to savor the moment.

"Just do it already!" Bill's voice bursts through the magical atmosphere.

"Let's give them something to talk about," Scully says knowing Mulder won't be the one to take the last step. She leans against him and their toes touch as she grabs his neck to get him closer to where she wants him. Her mouth. Their first kiss isn't perfect; it's crooked and awkward and over way too quickly. Just as their tongues touch for the first time, Mulder draws back, gasping for air. He stares at her, his bottom lip glistening and she's never felt so thirsty in her whole life.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Bill mutters and Scully doesn't need to turn around to know that their mother is giving him a stern look.

"I should leave now," Mulder says, looking at her lips with a dreamy look.

"No, I think you should stay."

And so he does.

[marshmallow-xphile]

My thoughts on the sexuality of some of my favorite X-files characters.

I posted this in my X-files amino back in June as part of a LGBTQ pride challenge and for some reason I only just thought to post it here as well.

Fox Mulder: openly bisexual

Mulder is so open sexually that I really don't think gender matters all that much to him. He does seem to prefer females but I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if he had a boyfriend or two in the past. I don't think he's flamboyant about his sexuality but I don't think he'd hide it at all either

My evidence:

In the season one episode "Ghost in the Machine" we meet an Mulder's ex-partner, Jerry, and I absolutely feel like there is an ex-lovers vibe to the both of them. They hug upon first seeing each other, Mulder looks incredibly happy to see him, when Mulder says they worked together Jerry corrects him to say they were partners at which point Mulder looks over at Scully as if to see her reaction. Mulder has this real guilty look to him. When Jerry acts a little self conscious Mulder is real quick to jump in and reassure him. They get in each other's personal space. It just really leaves me with the impression that they care deeply for one another and broke up for other reasons, perhaps the different career goals as Mulder tells Scully.

We also have Mulder with Krycek. From the very beginning of Krycek's involvement with the X-files I feel like the writers went out of their way to make a correlation between the change in partnership and a new partner in a relationship. There is a scene in Sleepless where Mulder and Scully are on the phone and Mulder tells Krycek he'll be right there, the rest of the conversation feels reminiscent of two exes chatting about the change brought about by the new relationship. Scully even brings up that it must be nice having a partner who doesn't question his every theory.

There were many scenes in Sleepless, Duane Barry, and Ascension in which Mulder and Krycek were alone but that we never got to see who knows for example what the two of them got to talking about while they were stuck in traffic during the drive to New York in Sleepless. Or how often they hung out between Sleepless and Duane Barry.

During Mulder and Scully's partnership Mulder only called her 'Dana' on a few emotional occasions. He started casually calling Krycek 'Alex' almost immediately.

Let us not forget the infamous speedo scene. While yes it definitely showed more of a Krycek attraction to Mulder than the opposite. It does make one wonder what led him to wear such a revealing bathing suit. How many straight men do you know who wear speedos? My guess is few. How many straight men wear speedos when they can reasonably assume their male partner will show up looking for them? Not many would be guess.

And then there is their relationship after Krycek is revealed to be a traitor. They both tend to act more like scorned lovers than enemies and notice that it's Mulder, not Krycek, who cannot seem to keep his hands off the other. Seriously it's like every time Krycek shows up, Mulder immediately grabs him.

Now here's a couple quotes from Mulder,

Krycek tells Mulder he most be losing it because Krycek beat him with one hand. Mulder's immediate reaction: "isn't that how you like to beat yourself?"

When the little man in Humbug is lined up pretty much exactly with Mulder's crotch he says that Mulder would be surprised how many women find his size alluring. Mulder's immediate reaction: "you'd be surprised how many men do as well"

How many straight guys do you know comfortable enough with their sexuality to make a gay innuendo? I personally cannot think of any.

Dana Scully: bicurious

I believe that Scully is sometimes attracted to women. It definitely is not as blatant as with Mulder and I really don't think she's had any past girlfriends but I definitely think that there is an attraction.

My evidence:

In the episode "Ice" I really felt like there are a few tender moments between her and Felicity Huffman's character especially while they were examining one another for the worms. That examination had a sort of sexual energy to it I thought.

In the episode "kill switch" theres a moment where the Invisagoth asked if she could have her handcuffs removed or if she should type with her tongue. Mulder mentions that she doesn't want a vote there and the look on Scully's face and the way she licks her lips, I definitely get the impression that she would have been perfectly happy to see what Invisagoth could get up to with that tongue.

Some people point to Scully's relationship with Reyes as evidence of her bisexuality, I personally don't see any attraction there on Scully's side but I don't think its outside the realm of possibility.

Monica Reyes: Closeted lesbian

This one's probably a surprise I know there was something between here and Brad as well as a flirtation with Doggett so you would probably think she was Bisexual but honestly was either one of those even remotely convincing? To me they weren't. I believe that Reyes is a lesbian.

I kind of go back and forth on whether she's open about it. Reyes is very spiritual and open so it seems strange that she would be in the closet but maybe she has a reason, fear of it affecting her career in the FBI perhaps? It just seems strange that she keeps pursuing these heterosexual relationships she has no passion for unless she is trying to hide her true passion.

My evidence:

I admit I really have very little evidence but look at the relationship between Reyes and Brad Follmer. It had all the chemistry of two people who got really drunk once and cannot remember sleeping together. I don't for a second believe she was ever in love with Brad nor he in love with her.

Then you've got the same thing between her and Doggett. Yes the writers were obviously trying for a romantic angle with the two of them but to me it never came across as convincing. It seemed more like she thought of him as a good friend and figured she might as well date him, I saw no evidence of love or attraction.

On the other hand look at her and Scully. While I feel like the attraction there was one sided I definitely feel like Reyes was into Scully or Dana as she would call her. Reyes was willing to risk her life for Scully and yes that is her job after all but Reyes seems to take that above and beyond and it's not just Scully herself but also William. Look at how protective Reyes is of William in The Truth and of the sacrifice Scully made in giving him up. She seems to care even more than Mulder on that.

Cigarette-Smoking-Man: Asexual

CSM has probably had sex at some point, he is of course the father of at least three children but I do not think that he was ever in love with any of these women or even attracted to them. I believe they were all just a means to an end.

I believe that CSM's only love was for his cigarettes

Evidence:

There is a little bit of evidence that he might have actually felt something for Teena Mulder but I don't buy it. He freely admits that he felt nothing for Cassandra Spender but he must've been convincing if he got her to marry him and we have seen him fake emotions more than once. He also seemed to show an attraction to Scully in En Ami but that too was just a means to an end. Perhaps he does feel something towards all the women he has impregnated but I wouldn't call it love. I don't see any real attraction there either. My bet is that CSM needed some "help" in order to produce his offspring.

Alex Krycek: Gay

While Krycek did have an obviously sexual relationship with Marita Covarrubias he definitely didn't have any real feelings for her and I don't buy attraction either. No I'd say they were both just trying to use sex to get what they wanted. His anger at finding the Russian boy gone wasn't because he was heartbroken at her betrayal. Merely mad that she'd managed to get the upper hand.

Whether Krycek is open or in the closet I'm not sure, I'm thinking it probably depends on the mission hes on at the time.

Evidence:

Of everyone on this list I'd say Krycek is the one I'm the most sure of. There is no doubt in my mind that Krycek was attracted to, perhaps even in love with, Fox Mulder. From the very beginning there appeared to be a bit of longing in his eyes.

There was the speedo scene wherein Krycek was definitely checking Mulder out. There were several scenes where Krycek could've killed Mulder but chose to help him instead.

As I've seen pointed out before, Krycek's crazy motivational choices don't make any sense at all unless it's all in an effort to be around Mulder more.

Look at his sense of style and his obvious love for lip gloss. I am not saying that straight men cannot love lip gloss and dress themselves in Krycek's fashion but it is uncommon and it was especially so back in the 90s

The infamous kiss in The Red and the Black could certainly be explained away as some kind of Russian custom but it isn't one that I am aware of and he hasn't really shown any other signs of his Russia heritage.

I would say my best evidence of Krycek's sexuality is in Essence and Existence, just look at the look on Krycek's face when Mulder trusts him to protect Scully. Krycek knows what Scully means to Mulder and then look at how seriously Krycek takes the job! I definitely feel like that moment meant a lot to him and he would have protected Scully with his life for Mulder.

There's also the fact that Krycek's unwillingness to kill Mulder lead to his own death.

Of course asking Skinner to shoot Mulder goes against this theory but I do have a couple thoughts on that, the most sensical being that he knew there was no chance Skinner would shoot Mulder and he probably knew there was no chance he would survive anymore. Maybe he made that request in hopes of sparing Mulder any pain he might have otherwise felt at his death (I know it's a bit of a stretch but my other theories require a long explanation of my thoughts on where the series had planned to go next)

The lone gunmen: no one knows....not even them

Three (I don't count Jimmy for this) single adult men who all live together in very cramped quarters and are, at least in Langley's case, perfectly happy to be around each other without thier clothes on certainly makes it seem like there's something between them all but I really don't get a overtly gay impression with any of them, even Langley who as mentioned doesn't like to wear pants and is the only one who hasn't had a love interest. They just have this sort of Vegas-esque thing. "What happens in the bachelor pad/newspaper room stays in the bachelor pad/newspaper room.

I would love to hear other people's thoughts on these and any other X-files characters you think might be somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum.

[iusedtoknowwhatawishwasfor]

Queequeg's Resurrection

For: Astrid // Berenbos

QUEEQUEG

Oh my glob. Oh my glob. Oh my glob. I think that's what my human, Mommy, says. There was a big thing like another doggie but with no hair and lots of teethies. I think it wanted to eat me! I got away but he ripped out some of my feathers. My feathers are little perfect fluffy hairs on the back of my legs. That's what they are called - look it up. I swears. 

My poor feathers. BUT - I runned away and now I'm hiding. It's very wet here and the grass is higher than me. This isn't like where Mommy and me live so’s I hope I find her. She has red hair like me and always smells nice and gives me treaties. She is nice and soft to lay on when she watches the glowy box. 

I don't hear the toothy dog anymore, so I am going to see if I can move from here. I poke my nose out and sniff the air. I don't smell its weird stinky smell so I think I might be OK to walk around. I want to see if I can sniff out Mommy. I start out with one my nose to ground but I keep checking with my eyes because that doggie was so quiet. I move real slow and then I catch it - a whiff of Mommy!! Oh my glob!!

I move faster but I'm still looking a lot. Mommy's fren Muldo thinks I'm dumb. I heard him call me 'dumb dog' but I am not dumb. I am a smart doggie and I will show him. I will find Mommy. 

Mommy... Mommy... Mommy... 

If I keep saying it in my head maybe I will find her quicker. OH! I hear her. MOMMY!!

I burst out from the grasses and there she is wrapped in a binky. She is all wet - no wonder it took me some time. She is standing next to Muldo - HE is the dumb one. I arf and arf and she spins to look at me. 

"Queequeg!!" Mommy yells bending down. I run so fast I almost fall. It's my Mommy! She picks me up and I gib her all the kissies. She holds me close and she starts to cry. No cry, Mommy - I am here. Be happy!

"Holy shit - maybe you're not such a dumb dog after all." Muldo says and I want to growl at him but I am just so happy to be safe with Mommy that I don't. She gibs me more cuddles and then says "I can't believe it! You're ok." I gib her more kissies. She buries her head in my fur and gives me one last huggie. 

That was a close one! I won't be leaving Mommy's side again!!

SCULLY

I get overwhelmed when I see that little tuft of red hair coming my way. I can't believe it - my little guy is OK. I don't think I realized just how much I love him until now. Tears are welling up in my eyes and I don't even care. I hear Mulder saying something about my "dumb dog" not being so dumb but it fades in the background as I give him more hugs. I think before he entered my life, I didn't realize how much love I had to give - now I have someone to give it to and I need this little ball of floof in my life. 

"You're ok - my little floof." I murmur as I hug him to my chest and begin walking back towards the motel. Mulder trails along behind me muttering more things I don't hear in my still-shocked state.  

I unlock the door to my room and, only then, do I release him to the floor. He proceeds to hop around excitedly at my feet. My smile beams and I bend over to scratch behind his ears. Mulder has followed me into my room and sits down in the chair near the small table. He has stopped talking, probably realizing that I wasn't listening anyway. 

"Want some food, little man? I bet you're starving!" I say as I move to open a bag of kibble. I was still in too much shock to throw anything of his away yesterday. I put down his bowl and smile as he happily stuffs himself on the dry food. 

I sit down on the chair opposite to Mulder and watch Quee eat. 

"Sorry, Scully - I guess I didn't realize how much you loved him." My brows furrow as I look at him. Am I that much of a robot in his eyes? That I couldn't even love my dog? I think he knows how I took it within a second. I watch idly as Quee hops up on the bed across from us. 

"He's my dog. Of course I love him." I say flatly. 

"Hey, Scully, I didn't mean anything by it... I just..." he trails off, looking embarrassed. 

"It's fine." 

"Clearly it's not - I didn't mean you're incapable of love or anything..." Oh, Mulder, shut the fuck up before you get yourself in more trouble. I roll my eyes to the ceiling then close them. "Of course you are capable of love... like with your mom and stuff...." Has his mind left the building? I give him a look that conveys this.

"I just... it makes me think of all the things you must want for your life but don't have because of this job." 

"Mulder, I have Quee *because* of this job, remember?" 

"Yeah... but he's just one step closer to a normal life. You're just missing the husband and 2.5 kids." 

"Mulder, where is this even coming from?" 

"I don't know - our conversation out there on that rock. Am I really the stubborn captain dragging you around on a fruitless quest? I don't want you to miss out on things that could make you happy."

"Mulder. First of all, I wouldn't be here if it didn't make me happy and leave me with a sense of fulfillment. Second, you are not dragging me anywhere. I wouldn't be going with you if I didn't want to be there. I'm not Ishmael or the rest of the doomed crew. I'm my own person and make my own career and life choices." I said, somewhat offended about the way he's making ME into the hapless puppy dog of this situation.

"I didn't mean to imply that you don't have agency here... just that... I want you to be happy," He said, it's his turn to be the puppy dog with the big sad eyes.

"I am happy. I know this job can be hard and challenging but it's one of the reasons I love it so much..." I am trying to convey my truth to him in my eyes. "I was never the kind of little girl who dreamed of her wedding day or had her children's names picked out. I wanted adventure and to make a difference and I'm living that life so I'm happy. I'm happy with... you."

He gives me a shy smile. "Are you with me?"

Shit... this has taken a turn. "I... could be... if that was something we both wanted."

"Is it something you want?" It is just me or has his voice gotten deeper? Also it's gotten about 10 degrees hotter in here. I open my mouth but nothing comes. He saves, and slays, me with his next comment. "I want it."

"You do?" I squeak out. Jesus, is that even my voice? 

"I'm not going to lie and say I haven't been thinking about you and I... for a long time. I never knew what I wanted out of life as a kid. I never knew where life would take me. I certainly didn't expect you." He says with a fond smile quirking his lips. "But maybe that's the best part of life - those things that come out of nowhere and surprise you. All of a sudden, you have everything you didn't know you wanted right in front of you."

"Is that what I am to you?" I can't even believe I got those words out - I'm so shocked. This has been the most bizarre few days. I need to hear him say it - say those words - what he wants,

"Yes - you came out of nowhere and turned my life upside down. I didn't know that I would ever, or could ever, feel this way about someone. So... yes... you're all I want."

"You're all I want, too." I whisper but he must hear it because suddenly his face is right in front of mine. He moved lightning fast from his seat to kneeling in front of mine. His hands are light on my knees as he looks me straight in the eye, asking for my permission. I give a small nod and then we're kissing. I can't believe it. How did this even happen? We're kissing and his hands are in my hair and my arms are linked around his neck.

QUEEQUEG

What is dis?! He looks like he's gibbing her kissies. Only I am allowed to kiss mommy!! I have to put a stop to dis!

I jump off the bed and run at them...

MULDER

I can't believe it. I'm finally kissing Scully and it's perfect... exactly what I thought it would be. I knew we would be so good together...

JESUS!!

QUEEQUEG

I pounce!!

MULDER

Her dog is attacking us! Well... not attacking but he jumped into her lap and is now barking incessantly.

"I knew your dog hated me," I say dejectedly until I look up at her face. There is so much love and joy in those baby blues. We grin at each other and then we're laughing hysterically. This whole thing is ridiculous but I can't believe I finally got to kiss her. I'm actually giddy with it and I don't think I have ever felt this way, at any point, in my life.

“Scully, I don’t think is going to work…” I start and her face drops. “If your dog is going to jump on us every time I kiss you because I plan on doing it a lot.”

Her face lights up. “Oh two men battling for my affections!” She puts on a fake southern drawl that makes me chuckle. “I mean, Queequag does share my bed at night…”

“We’ll see for how much longer…” I lean in and give her a soft, slow kiss until the damn dog jumps up between us again. “Think you can make room for a fox, as well as a hound?”

She groans and rolls her eyes. “That was bad, even for you. But yes, I have plenty of room for both of my boys.” She gently pushes the pup off her lap and places her hands on my cheeks, her nails lightly scratching the 5 o’clock shadow there. She leans in and I meet her halfway for a kiss that somehow feels more intimate than the others before it. “Mulder, you know I love you, right?”

“I hoped, Scully, I hoped you loved me as much as I love you,” I say, touching my forehead to hers. She captures my lips again and I do my best to push the furball back. “So… when we get back… think maybe your mom can watch the hellspawn for a weekend? I really want you all to myself.” 

“Mmm… that is definitely possible.” She makes me happier and happier by the minute. 

THAT WEEKEND…

QUEEQUEG

Mommy is acting weird. Ever since we got back from the swampy place she is jittery… as jittery as me. She is walking around moving our stuff and playing with her hair. It’s really weird.

There is a knock at the door! I love visitors!! 

Mommy lets them in and OH MY GLOB! It’s grandma!! I run toward her and leap into her arms. “Hello, my little fluffy one!” she says and I gib her all my kissies. “You’re coming to stay with me for the day! How about that?”

Sounds great, gram - you gib me lots more treaties than mommy. You say it’s our secret so’s I neber tell her. 

“Dana, don’t you look nice… expecting another visitor after me?” She winks her eye at mommy.

“Mooooom…”

“Just asking, dear!” she says and throw her hand that’s not holding me up. “Just… maybe you could give me some details when you come to get furry man tomorrow.”

“We’ll see…” she said, grabbing my baggie with all my stuffs and handing it to gram. “Thanks again for watching him, mom. I’ll see you both tomorrow.” She kisses gram on the cheek and ruffles my head fur. Then gram and I are off to the place with tons of treats. We pass Muldo  in the hall and after he says ‘hey’ to gram, he ruffles my head fur too. He smells like the woods, not the swamp. I guess he’s ok. I guess I can let mommy keep him.

END.

@xfilesfanficexchange here it is!! I hope it lives up to the expectations of the prompt writer (prompter? Is that even a word?)

[a-january-girl]

Hi, I don't know if you take any prompts, but I have, so,imagine, Scully never gives Will up, three of them lives together and one day William( still kid) tell them that he wishes he had a little brother or sister. Can you write something how M/S handle this situation and Scully really wants another baby. Nothing angst( maybe a little bit), just fluffy fluff. Thank you!

Anon, let me thank you dearly for this prompt, and also apologize from the bottom of my heart to have kept you waiting so long to answer it. Thank you @alldolleduppink for the being the best friend/beta/motivation in the world, and also thank you @therobbinsnest for your kind words and never ending support, I love you both 😘As requested, nothing too angsty, but a major MSR fluffy fluff fic! 🎉❤️

NEVER GIVE UP ON A MIRACLE

Mulder ties up the small black Converse sneaker, making the laces form into bunny ears before they turn into a knot. William offers his other foot so he could do the same to that one. The question comes out of the blue, dripping out from his small lips with genuine interest.

“Daddy, does mommy have a baby in her tummy?”

Mulder lifts up his head to look into his son’s eyes. Scully had just excused herself from Will’s room — he can hear water running in the bathroom — and he doesn’t know if he should be sad or relieved that she isn’t here to hear their son’s question.

“No, she doesn’t, why do you ask?”

“My friend Billy’s mom has got a baby in her tummy,” he simply states, but his eyes stay inquiring.

“Does she?” Mulder answers to see if he’ll continue his explanation.

“Yeah, she’s got a big tummy and all,” Will says, rubbing his own stomach to emphasize his words, which makes Mulder chuckle. He retrieves his feet from his father’s grasp and looks up as Mulder comes back to a standing position.

“How come Billy’s mom has a baby in her tummy, daddy?” he asks as his father runs his thumb over the ridge of the coffee mug Scully just abandoned on the bureau of their son’s bedroom before rushing out. With a sigh, he grabs a comb to discipline the short red hair Will has inherited from his mother.

Somehow, Mulder knows he’s in for one of those conversations where his 3 year-old will soon relentlessly ask a question on top of another. He loves how curious and intelligent William is. Whenever these avalanches of questions happen, he can’t help but think about Samantha at the same age, perpetually asking her big brother to explain the world around them. She had looked up to him as if he was the smartest person on earth when he was really only four years older than her.

“Well, I guess Billy’s parents love each other very much and wanted to give him a brother or a sister,” he tries to stay simple for him to understand. Of course, he will, he thinks, he’s so bright for his age.

“A brother…” Will ponders, as if weighing out the word carefully. After five seconds of intense thinking, he exclaims “Mommy has got two brothers!”

“Yes, she does,” Mulder answers. He can hear Scully fumble in the bathroom at the end of the corridor, water splashing and cabinets opening and closing.

“You love mommy, right daddy?” Will asks, his little brows furrowed.

“Of course I do! I love her very much,” Mulder answers with a tender smile.

“Then why doesn’t she have a baby in her tummy too?”

The question is simple, and yet the answer is extremely complicated. Mulder’s heart aches for his son and his honest but heartbreaking request. At his age, he's too young to understand that he’ll remain an only child, let alone why. So he decides to answer with another question instead.

“Tell me, buddy, would you like to have a baby brother or a baby sister?”

“A brother, maybe,” he concedes very seriously. “Not a sister, though!” he adds with a disgusted expression and a wrinkled nose, as if the idea itself was as terrible as the plate of broccoli he was served the night before.

Mulder laughs out loud at his son’s honest reaction, and takes him in his arms for a quick hug.

“Well, buddy, it’s pretty unlikely anyway.”

Will is already escaping his father’s grasp and turning his attention to the train set snaking around on his bedroom floor. He likes to use every minute he has before getting dropped off at preschool.

“But we should never give up on a miracle...” Mulder whispers to himself.

As he stuffs the ET toy next to the Buzz Lightyear lunchbox in the small backpack, Mulder spins around to finish gathering Will’s things and catches sight of Scully leaning on the door frame. She looks small, and he notices her paleness and exhaustion. He will have to gently suggest that she consider taking time off or decreasing her workload but he knows that will not be an easy feat. She had agreed on teaching more hours at the Academy this year than she had after Will’s birth, and it looked like it was getting to her. As if accessing his thoughts, she flashes him a reassuring smile, and he wonders how long she’s been here listening to their conversation and if she’s heard the thought he’s just spoken out loud.

“You okay?” he asks, approaching her and placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“I’m fine,” she automatically replies, even though she knows the expression makes him cringe. “I’m just tired that’s all. Actually, I’m supposed to have a class to teach this morning, and another this afternoon, but I think I’m gonna call in sick… Would you mind driving Will to preschool without me?”

She never calls in sick, Mulder considers thoughtfully. His hand automatically shifts to her forehead. She doesn’t seem to have a fever, but she does look exhausted.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I mean, I will drive Will, no problem, but is there anything else you want me to do for you? Do you need me to pick something up from the pharmacy?” he asks, inwardly relieved that she’s finally willing to take an opportunity to relax.

“No that’s okay, don’t worry,” she raises on tiptoes to kiss him on the nose. “I’ll just make that phone call and take a hot bath while you’re out.”

She exits the room with a drowsy smile, leaving her husband and his questions unanswered.

On any other morning, the three of them would have made their way to Lincoln Elementary together. Mulder would have then dropped Scully off at Quantico. Given her a soft kiss goodbye on the lips. Got some coffee before driving himself to work. Since they’d left the X-Files, he’s been working as a chartered psychologist in town, while still occasionally consulting for VCU and teaching profiling at the Academy once in awhile.

But this morning, looking at the empty seat beside his as he drives to drop William off, he can’t help but let his mind wander over Scully’s health.

Anxiety starts to settle in. For the past two weeks she’s been looking frail and she seems to have lost her abiding energy. She hasn’t been able to go for the occasional jog nor stay awake past 9.30. He also noticed her loss of appetite and he suspects she’s lost a couple of pounds too.

He can’t figure out if her staying home today when she was supposed to give one of the lectures she’s so passionate about should be alarming or not. She would never play hooky without a good reason, so she must really feel unwell to stay home.

Sure, she’s not been at her best lately, but he refuses to let darker thoughts flood his mind. The cancer has been in remission but it’s always a concern. He’s been down that road and doesn’t want to go back. Besides, she wouldn’t keep anything important to herself. They’re done eluding problems and truths with the excuse to protect each other. That’s what she insisted on herself when she agreed to become his wife. Nevertheless, he silently vows to convince her to let another doctor examine her just in case she would have missed something.

Slowly, as he pulls up to the school, a glance in the rearview mirror lets Mulder see Will’s genuine enthusiasm.

“Daddy, daddy, see! Billy’s mom and her big bump!” he points at a tall blonde woman with a yellow coat, walking with an equally blonde toddler by her side. She, indeed, looks like she’s about to burst any second now. “See? She looks like Big Bird!” Will chuckles, and Mulder laughs with him before bringing the car to a stop by the sidewalk.  

As soon as Will’s in good care in the hands of his preschool teacher, Mulder mechanically drives back home, silently rehearsing lines to try to convince Scully to let him drive her to see a doctor. He’s got the morning free and makes it his mission to talk her into the idea.

When he finally opens the front door, the distinct rattle of dishes being moved around in the sink indicates she’s in the kitchen. He drops his keys on the hallway console.

“I’m back!” he announces.

When he enters the kitchen and walk towards her, she turns the tap off and wipes her hands on the dishcloth before turning to face him. She’s wearing her comfy fleece robe, the one she reserves for lazy Sunday mornings around the house. Her hair is still wet from the bath she just took and she smells like lavender.

Mulder wraps his arms around her waist and buries his nose at the nape of her neck and breathes her in. God, she’s intoxicating. Her hands join his on her hips and she intertwines their fingers together.

“Are you feeling any better, Scully?” he asks. “You look so pale…”. He doesn’t mind that his concern is so obvious, his voice sounding uneasy.

“Mulder, I’m just tired,” she answers, and he tries to read her eyes. The blue depths of her gaze look brighter than usual, almost feverish, and he brings his hand to her forehead once again. Nope, definitely no fever, he thinks.

“I just,” she hesitates, trying to find her words, and Mulder’s heart skips a beat — please don’t let her announce some bad news, please… — “I um, heard the end of your conversation with Will earlier.”

Oh. That’s it then. He goes rigid and stands upright in front of her, trying to decipher her feelings. He can only imagine how such a conversation might make her feel. They both would have loved to have another child after Will, but despite their efforts, nothing has come along. They talked about it many times. Yes, it would be a blessing to have another baby, but it was never going to happen. He thought she’d made her peace with the idea, but apparently, hearing Will’s questions had stirred up her emotions, as it had his.

“He’s such a curious and perceptive kid, I guess we were bound to have this conversation sooner than later,” he murmurs in her ear, trying to appease her tension.

“I wonder where he gets that from,” she quips.

His eyes close and he tenderly kisses the soft spot below her ear. He wants his lips to convey how much he loves her, to ease her exhaustion and her frustration. She makes him happy in so many ways, and has been for so many years now.

He never pictured himself as a family man before Scully came along. Everything changed the day he saw her with Emily and envisioned how happy and whole a kid would make her feel. At that moment, he remembers, he’d already been madly in love with her for quite a while. In an instant, he’d secretly hoped he could find a way into both their hearts and be the one to protect them for the rest of their lives. He was as crushed with despair as Scully was when they had lost the little girl. He spent another handful of years loving Scully from afar, trying to protect her chances to become a mother as foolishly as he could. He never hesitated when she asked if he would be her donor for the IVF. He was crushed with despair again as she cried into his arms a few months later, feeling more down than she ever was in her life.

When he came back to her impressively swollen belly after his abduction, the axis his whole world was aligned with shifted. He had turned his life around, making her and Will his top priorities, and leaving his job and his quest for the truth behind for the first time in his life. It was simple. They both had become his new truth. Now that he had it all, he wouldn’t go back. Not for anything in the world. He would die to keep his wife and child happy and away from harm.

“At least he didn’t ask how we actually make babies,” he teases, trying to lighten the mood, and her giggle appeases both their nerves. “I think we have a few more years to get to that question.”

“I love you,” she whispers, and she punctuates her words with a happy grin. The knot in his stomach loosens a bit when he sees her smiling. There is a nervous energy about her that he can’t quite place. Trepidation starts to make its way into his thoughts, again.

Scully’s eyes are watery and glowing with intense brightness. She takes his face into her hands and raises herself on tiptoes to bring her lips to his, kissing him fiercely. He kisses her back passionately. Her tongue grazing his lips, immediately seeking access to his mouth, draws a deep moan from his throat. Her hands slip inside his jacket and her thumbs trace lazy circles on his chest, while his instinctively get lost in her hair.

When the need for air becomes vital, their lips part and Mulder leans his forehead against hers.

“What was that for, Scully?” he pants.

“I told you, I love you Fox Mulder.”

“Ut-oh, use of my full name? What did I do now… or didn’t do,” he jokes and kisses her cheek.

He notices a blush spread across her face.

“You definitely did something,” she states. Her tone is serious and reminiscent of the scientist that would offer rebuttals to his theories.

“What is it Scully?” he asks, his heart rate unable to slow down. She will always keep him guessing.

When she lifts up her face and looks into his eyes, they reflect nothing but pure happiness. She looks pensive and he notices her swallow hard before she finally speaks.

“Never give up on a miracle Mulder.”

At first, disbelief clouds his mind and he can't think straight. But, always offering concrete evidence, she retrieves a white stick from her pocket and places it in his hand.

It has a PLUS sign on it.

His eyes widen, in awe, silently asking confirmation for what he thinks he just understood. When she nods and her eyes well up with tears, his breath becomes short and his chest warms up with the intensity he sees in her eyes. Feeling weak in the knees, he falls at her feet and lays his palm where their baby is growing. He presses his cheek against her stomach and looks up at her as he gently loosens her robe, letting it open slightly. He places an open mouth kiss on her naked belly.

“I love you too, Scully.”

He stands up and kisses her lips, first tenderly, then hungrily again. His hands gently roam over her bare tummy dragging a low groan from her throat.

When his hands travel up and cradle her face, he leans down so that their foreheads meet.

“As incredible as it is, it’s true Mulder,” she says with teary eyes as if she’d sensed his disbelief. “Real coffee makes me queasy again...” she explains, and he’s thrilled he’s finally going to experience all the little details of pregnancy with her this time.

“I’ll buy some decaf. Anything you want, really.” he offers. His face hurts from smiling, but he’s never felt so high on emotions. His own thoughts suddenly make him laugh. “I guess we can expect the ‘where do babies come from?’ talk to happen sooner, after all.”

[deathsbestgirl]

after reading this post by @randomfoggytiger and a whole mess of @carefulfears words forever rattling around my brain — i just need to talk about unruhe.

i tweeted a simple thought, that isn't really so simple at all. unruhe, to me, is about scully learning a lesson mulder intrinsically knows.

i think scully lays it out in her final voiceover as she writes her report after being kidnapped and nearly lobotomized. she spent her time with gerry trying to keep him talking. she has to take the time to understand this man to have a chance of escaping with all her faculties. scully asks him about his sister and his father, who mulder had questioned him about earlier. as mulder was putting together a profile, he said the man was either really tall or wanted to be — and this little piece of information let scully connect the dots that she was speaking to their suspect. gerry, on stilts. (in the interrogation, scully is angry & forceful — as a doctor and as a woman. mulder is more curious.)

so in her report, she's recording her musings about her experience. and it's something she dismissed earlier:

(unrelated to this post, but this scene always reminds me of their final scene in leonard betts. the disconnect between them, mulder's confusion but acquiescence.)

scully's voiceover:

in the end, scully knows that understanding gerry saved her life. it gave her the time so mulder could get there and intervene. and not just understand, but empathize. something mulder is able to do with just about everyone. even the worst criminals. in beyond the sea, it makes him stubbornly disbelieve boggs. here, mulder ends up shooting & killing gerry. he understood gerry believed he was helping these women, because he couldn't accept what happened to his sister. mulder doesn't over-identify this time. but i think scully's intimate insight into mulder allowed her to look into gerry. (edit: and i don't really mean samantha, though it's part of it. mainly mean the way his mind works. she hates gerry but she tucked away everything mulder said about him & his analysis.)

one of my favorite things about scully is the way she values mulder's mind & empathy. something i think she believes she isn't capable of. she tends to talk about relying on his strength, but she also depends on his empathy so much. when she was in this situation, that's what she drew on. scully rarely has empathy for men committing violent crimes against women. she knows the world is full of predators, as she once told karen kosseff in irresistible. it's a comfort to her to have a hand in bringing these men to justice.

after mulder kills gerry & releases her, scully takes one moment to look back at him before leaving. after this near death incident, scully takes the time to read gerry's diary. like she wants to understand him more. "for truly to pursue monsters, we must understand them. we must venture into their minds." lesson learned, and new fear unlocked: "only in doing so, do we risk letting them venture into ours?"

i actually think this was a silent fear lurking in irresistible. scully's horror at the case was layered. yes, it was the violence against women & the haunting of her own abduction, but also that donnie pfaster would kill women to "scavenge from the dead." she's a pathologist, she understands the curiosity. but she does it to bring victims' justice, to put away predators, to try to make the world a safer place.

over time, i think scully adopts mulder's desire to believe in people. a lot of the series is about scully being radicalized, more and more. to the point of paranoia and immediate distrust of anyone who isn't mulder. but she still goes off with csm in en ami, needing to take the chance he's telling the truth despite knowing he is a liar and responsible for the most reprehensible crimes. she still leans on skinner, doggett, reyes, the lone gunmen. she tries desperately to save cassandra spender. she goes to diana fowley when there's no other option, hoping there's a shred of decency in her, believing the woman really does love mulder. so many moments. the ways mulder changes her, helps her, gives her strength & courage to face her fears. (something about scully killing donnie pfaster feels like a culmination of this — and in the reverse, mulder doesn't kill donnie pfaster. the flip side of scully's lessons?)

kae pointed out to me the reverse here is true too. mulder learns a lesson scully already knew intrinsically. but a post for another night maybe.

all of this, in my mind, deeply intertwined with this post (aka required reading <3)

[deathsbestgirl]

Idk why but I feel like asking you a slightly challenging X-Files question. Why do you think Scully asks to be alone at the end of "Emily"? Would she not want Mulder there to help her through her grief? Is she shutting down? Do you think Emily changed how Mulder saw himself?

literally i think about this every time i watch emily!! this is going to be a long one so under the cut

i think scully asks to be alone for a lot of reasons. she's not easily vulnerable, even with mulder who she trusts more than anyone. she's usually the protector in this relationship (even if he often shields her bodily and goes to great lengths to save her). but this is her daughter, she's barely had time to process emily's existence before she's losing her. scully tells mulder he's right and she doesn't want it to be true but it's also the only thing allowing scully to let emily go, to not keep fighting.

while scully chooses her battles, she never gives up on the people who are important to her. sometimes it really shocks me that she lets emily die, that she doesn't question mulder when he asks the question about a cure for her. but emily pleaded with scully, telling scully her mom said no more tests. she's already been through so much and she couldn't bear to see emily in pain (that air pressure chamber — literally the moment emily showed slight discomfort she tells the man to turn it off, and gets more urgent about it when she sees emily's veins). putting her through more experimental treatments that would mostly just hurt her, she couldn't bear it.

failure is something scully struggles with deeply. and even though she barely had any time with emily, this is a failure to her. she wasn't going to be allowed to adopt emily, and she couldn't even save her. plus the connection to her abduction here is making her even more vulnerable, especially after the harrowing experience of her cancer and being forced to face it. mulder essentially asks the same question after her diagnosis and upon the discovery of emily.

so much happened to scully in these two episodes and it's ending with her daughter's death, which at the moment, she's likely thinking this is her only chance. and it's her profession and lack of serious relationships that was hurting her chance. and then even trying to save emily was making it worse.

i also think she takes mulder's concerns *very* seriously. and it's hard to reconcile all of this with what she knows is right, the only choice to her. it's hard to imagine scully abandoning any child, but a little girl who looks just like melissa as a child? her daughter? unthinkable.

there's something here, too, i think about mulder keeping the information about her ova from her and turning away when the doctor asks if they're the parents. while she absolutely understands and will forgive him, these are not small things. they always tell each other the truth, no matter how hard it is because it's what they both value above most things. and while mulder isn't emily's father biologically or through marriage, i don't think there's any question of what his role would have been. regardless of how mulder & scully classify their relationship.

all this to say, there's a lot at play and it's who scully is. it takes her long time to be voluntarily vulnerable with him. she's always trying to hide her pain & her weakness. she's the strong one. and any time she believes or is vulnerable, when their roles reverse, they are off kilter. they are almost too comfortable in their assigned roles, the parts they play for each other. it takes a long time for them to find the balance in the ways they've changed each other, the space they give each other to be exactly who they are & everything they are (even though it comes slowly because it's scary & uncomfortable and they have to make a new blueprint & roadmap).

(side note, this is another reason i love fight club. after all things, they're clearly so much more comfortable stepping out of their typical role. scully can play paranormal believer and it isn't scary when she sounds like him.)

and just to answer the other two parts: i don't think she's shutting down, and i do think she would want the comfort. but two things: first, i'm not sure scully knows how to accept comfort just yet. she rarely opens up until she's at a point where she can't, even with her mom. second, this is after small potatoes & detour & mulder turning away at being assumed the father...scully understands mulder isn't ready. and now they have some more to work through. season five is actually one of the toughest. it's the season where they're most in limbo — to me, even more than season six. it's just emotional landmine after emotional landmine. so, i think maybe she thinks she can't let him comfort her. she's aware of her feelings & what she wants, and she respects every choice of his so deeply. not even so much because of him, but because there's a new awareness that's difficult for her to navigate.

i might need to you to explain this question about mulder a little more. i think emily is terrifying for him, for many reasons. i don't know if it changes anything for him quickly, but it feels the start of something (as so many endings are).

[deathsbestgirl]

okay here goes: never again & the cancer arc.

a little more in depth? than what i've already posted lol

never again opens with scully sitting in the basement office, contemplating where she fits, where she is in "their" office. she's holding mulder's nameplate and the first thing she says to him, after he ranted about having to take vacation, is "why don't i have a desk?"

he doesn't seem to understand why she's asking, where it's coming from and answers glibly, sarcastically. she's not happy with his answer. so she just...moves on, asking what he wants her to do while he's gone.

in the first scene, we saw scully not paying attention while their informant talked to mulder. she's looking at a memorial, the messages & gifts people left for a lost loved one. she takes a wilting flower petal.

season 4 has been tense. they've dealt with some twisted cases, she was held in contempt, she couldn't protect mulder or give him what he needed or stop him making a huge mistake in paper hearts. skinner was disappointed in her. they also had one of their most ridiculous cases in el mundo gira, an episode i know is commonly disliked. i don't necessarily enjoy it either but there are a few lines that really grabbed my attention.

it's about immigrants, who avoid the government at all costs in fear of deportation or jail (maybe worse). but they're mostly invisible. they're hired for cheap labor, but that's the most they're noticed for. their deaths & lives aren't a concern to this country.

scully is able to find the cause, but the two men infected & spreading the deadly fungus escape. they escape because they're "invisible"

scully wasn't there for mulder's conversation with lozano, but her statement at the end echos what lozano says in a way. when they first arrived, scully waved her badge around completely not understanding how she would be received in a migrant community as a federal agent. she made the same assumptions lozano did. but she follows mulder's lead, and the science, and the truth lands somewhere in the middle, and there isn't a satisfying conclusion to the case. yet again.

they rarely get all the answers. and even when they solve a murder, close a case — what's the cost?

i think scully sometimes feels invisible. her life is standing still. they're hidden away in the basement. she already had to fight for a place in male dominated fields. now she has to fight for the validity of the x files & mulder.

and maybe more than that, mulder doesn't always understand that scully wants to be on the x files, in the basement with him. she was assigned and he doesn't take her dedication & investment as seriously. not because he doesn't know the personal cost to her, or that she chose to stay, but because he has a hard time believing it, accepting it. he tells her several times there's life beyond the x files, to go be a doctor, she'll be head of the bureau. he never expected her to stay, to make it her life too. but she does. she chooses him & the x files over and over. and she wants him to understand, but i don't think she completely understands either.

i said once that it seemed to me scully truly realized how deep she was in with mulder in folie a deux. she was frustrated when mulder acts like he's the only one being "punished" being assigned to a case he thinks is a load of crap, but she was taking seriously. to her, it's always "we" and he acts like it's just him. he goes off without her, ends up needing her help & being right that it was a legitimate case & an x file! and in the end, she tells skinner as much as she can. she sees the zombie people. she sees the being in his room. a madness shared by two.

anyway. i think in never again she wasn't sure exactly what was bothering her, but she knew she was hitting that wall. and that's how she ended up with ed. talking about her patterns. mulder doesn't exactly fit the mold, but scully still wasn't getting what she wanted or needed. and she only calls ed for a date after mulder makes that comment.

mulder knew she would go, even though she refused in their office. he knew exactly where to find her. he was frustrated with her in the beginning, and then he's frustrated with her again for giving up the case when following pudovkin didn't lead to anything x files related, only russian mob. he wasn't trusting her, wasn't believing her.

the last time he asked her about a date was in the jersey devil. which he interrupted and she was happy for it. she didn't take the second date. this time when he asks, she decides to go on a date. exercise some autonomy instead of doing "as told, as always"

scully wants to work on the x files with mulder and have a life. when given the choice, whenever options are presented to her, she chooses mulder every time. but she wants to feel the same in return, especially after she feels like she's failed (him).

at ed's apartment, she doesn't want to go to the nice restaurant he got a reservation for. she wants to go the bar that's a great place to go when you're feeling crappy. because she's so obviously feeling crappy. when have we seen her seek out a date? or any other male attention? (seriously anyway, or without going back to mulder)

even though mulder isn't the typical controlling figure in her life, though he has his moments, like what's happening here...what she says about her father is true of mulder too.

she's hitting that wall, she needs to rebel. but how can she "rebel" against mulder & their work, on a illegitimate x file (lol). she rightfully hands off the case, then goes on a date, gets a tattoo and sleeps with a man who ends up trying to kill her (arguably stumbling into a real x file)

i think scully figured out what she needed to. she doesn't seem affected by this instance of violence like she was by duane barry, her abduction or donnie pfaster. (ed had just tried to kill her and she still tries to stop him sticking his arm in the furnace. she kept appealing to him.)

she knows what she wants at the end. but mulder won't say it, and neither will she. they both know but if they can't say it, they can't be on the same page and they can't really move forward. they stay in the ouroboros, in the endless line. somehow different yet exactly the same.

mulder not finishing his sentence, refusing to repeat her words back to her, was like a nail in the coffin. they know. it is their life. their lives have become (almost) completely intertwined, they made it this way. they are each other's person, they have the same path because of the choices they make over & over.

and then: mulder starts to do something different in leonard betts.

scully has always been there when he needs her, for the work, for samantha, for his mom. mulder is always there when she's emotionally vulnerable (as far as she lets him). she says she's fine over & over, she tells him she's back & she's not going anywhere. and when it comes crashing down around her, when she can't hold the facade & he's there & steady for her, she falls apart in the safety of his arms.

[side note: it's so funny to me how scully still never has any idea what she's walking into. if we don't see a slideshow, she's going in completely blind. he always gives the case to her piece by piece.]

this scene is just. my favorite. mulder can look at horribly disfigured bodies, he'll touch & taste anything at a crime scene. but he's disgusted when he realizes he's touching bile. he can hold it together at dismembered bodies, but would love to draw the line at touching them.

but scully asked for his help, and how often has she done that in regards to her domain on cases? i'm sure there had to be some, but i can only remember her asking mulder to smell a body in revelations.

anyway. this man is genuinely horrified at the idea of digging through a dumpster of left over body parts.

there's nothing he wants to do less, but he does it. because she asks him to. (and it should lead them to some answers.)

later, leonard betts goes after scully. tells her "i'm sorry, but you've got something i need" after they've ascertained is brain was "riddled" with cancer, and he feeds on it, could identify it in anyone, he spent a lot of time in cancer wards, likely scavenging when he could.

scully is shaken after.

and here, mulder doesn't understand what's bothering scully, and he does something we don't seem him do very often, if ever this outright? he explicitly tells her she did a good job, she should be proud.

i think i've said before i don't think scully lets herself feel proud very often. she craves validation, always tries to do the most, is always excited to tell mulder when she has something. here he's giving her something she should love, and she can't appreciate it because she needs to get out of there. she's terrified. another case solved, ending in death. she saved herself again. but now...she's facing the possibility of cancer. and despite being a skeptic, she believes leonard betts.

which!! we saw earlier in the episode too. when she's about to examine leonard betts' decapitated head and his eyes open & his mouth moves, almost as if whispering to her (genuinely reminds me of when she sees her father in beyond the sea) — she can't continue the autopsy. she calls mulder and he picks up on it immediately. and in this moment, she isn't particularly vulnerable. and more typically, that's when we see her believe most, when her defenses are weakened and she needs something to hold onto, or she can't bring herself to use her defenses.

"blinked or winked?" his jokes this episode are so important to me. because never again was so tense, so leonard betts taking place after never again and before memento mori is a good cushion. he's responding to what he understood about scully after never again, and trying to bring back their usual banter. scully is still pretty annoyed with him but they're still together on this case. they disagree, scully playing skeptic as mulder throws his crazy theories at her.

and scully's expressions whenever they're on the phone are so much more expressive. it's special. she lets go of her professionalism and just reacts, and mulder is having a great time. he thinks they're getting back to a better place, and they are, but everything still remains in the silence.

mulder is still making jokes and scully pretends to be unamused (she is hopeless in the best way). and because i love when scully says riddled:

so truly, leonard betts is a connecting episode. there are a few lighthearted moments after the intensity of never again, an episode that was about mulder not understanding where scully was coming from, and leonard betts is about what he was able to understand. giving her validation. it's also makes more sense that he doesn't try to give her any physical comfort after, to me, if leonard betts happens after never again. paper hearts happened not that long ago, and scully was fierce in that episode and physically affectionate with him.

mulder and scully both knew at the end of never again what's between them. mulder leaves "but it's become mine" unsaid, he cuts himself off. scully was frustrated with not truly knowing her place with mulder, on the x files, in their office. his unfinished sentence and the following silence said it all. if it was ever going to happen, it would have been right then. and it doesn't.

leonard betts is a little cushion between two intense episodes. the awareness of their feelings in never again, trying to find their rhythm again in leonard betts & scully's revelation at the end. they lead to the emotional & physical vulnerability in memento mori and through the cancer arc. the feeling of what they're losing before it even started.

[deathsbestgirl]

I'm so curious why people wanna anon beef with u. maybe I just don't follow enough people but I have never seen this before following your blog. at least not at this frequency. and at first I didn't get why u seemed so brassed about them but finally it's kicking in like... why would u send a clearly argumentative message to a person u do not know? ESPECIALLY with it being anon like okay why r we arguing and ur not even gonna face up to it? I am also sending this in anon but y'know I'm not trying to fight here. just thought it was a little insane

ahaha i wouldn't care if there were a mix, but i think they're bots. i saw someone else get a very similar one and my friend says she gets them periodically.

but these trauma ones bother me because having trauma doesn't mean you can't love someone or be happy. losing people doesn't mean you can't be happy. being human practically means experiencing trauma & loss and living with grief. and i love that mulder & scully help heal each other, and let the other have their own healing journey. like to me, that's the heart of the series. the first seven seasons are all about samantha, and mulder wanting the truth about what happened to her but not being able to face it. and the moment he is, scully is there to find the answers. s8&9 are a shift to scully. losing mulder while pregnant, giving up william — and while william is both of theirs, scully carried him for nine months, was raising him alone, trying to keep both william & mulder safe, and she gave him up alone. i don't mean to devalue mulder's pain, but i think he takes on as much as he can. he's the one talking her down consistently in the revival. questioning her dangerous choices, telling her not to do the thing, getting caught so she can do the thing. and he only loses it when she isn't around.

idk!! trauma & grief don't devalue a relationship. the people who stick around & help you through it, don't you leave you alone in it...those are your people!! and i hate this myth that you can't be happy, you can't be loved if you're "damaged," if you struggle, if you've been through a lot. it's a trap, it's cruel, and it's a lie.

[baronessblixen]

Some angst with fluff at the end? "Please. I don't think I can do this anymore."

So this was inspired by yesterday’s rooftop anon and @mypanicface. Thank you. It has angst, fluff and is a journey through their life together. Tagging @today-in-fic and @xffictober

Fictober Day 10

“Please,” Scully says, squeezing Mulder’s hand, looking at him with unshed tears in her eyes. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” And Mulder can’t let go. He can’t let go of The X-Files or the search for his sister, the truth. Most of all, and it hits him violently in the gut, making him dizzy, he can’t let go of Scully. One year ago, she strolled into his basement office with a soft smile and no idea what she’d gotten herself into. Now, his little spy has become his greatest confidant. The thought of losing her is unfathomable.

“I have an idea,” he says, entwining their fingers, and bringing her to the place that up until to now, has been his and his only.

“I didn’t even know your building had a rooftop.”

“Most people don’t.” He grins at her. “I have a key.”

There’s not much space but it’s always just been him, so it was enough. He motions for Scully to sit down on the beat-up chair he found in a corner the first time he’s come up here. She sits with a thankful smile and he crouches next to her, his knees uncomfortable on the cold, hard concrete.

“The sun is setting,” Scully says, her voice as soft as the colors stretching over the sky above them.

“I know,” he replies, watching her instead. “I come here sometimes to think. To watch the sunset and remind myself that the world isn’t all bad. I thought maybe I could… get a second chair, a second set of keys.”

Scully turns to him. There are still tears in her eyes, but the ashen look of desperation in her face has vanished. The last rays of sunshine tangle in her hair and caress her cheeks.

“I would like that, Mulder.”

*

There are two chairs now and only one of them here to use them. He stares at the empty, silent seat beside him. Up above him, the sky is grey, as listless as he is. The sunset is hidden behind dark, angry clouds. Hope is dwindling with every passing day. The hope that they’ll find Scully. That they’ll find her alive.

A sliver of blue finds its way through the layers of bitter clouds, cracks it open just one bit. He clings to that small promise, to the possibility of faith.

Where are you Scully? he thinks, holding her cross between his fingers, trying to find the strength to go on.

*

“Hey,” he says, drawing his chair close to hers.

“I didn’t know where to go,” she says as a way of apology.

He shakes his head. “I told you this place is as much yours as mine.” Her knuckles are white from gripping the armrest. He touches the hand right next to him and she startles.

“I’m just so angry, Mulder. And my mother she… I couldn’t stand the look on her face anymore.” She lifts her head to the clouds. “I can’t believe I’ll never talk to Melissa ever again.”

“I’m sorry, Scully. For your loss, for… everything.”

Their fingers intertwine on their own account. The sun sets right before their eyes, a last hurrah for the day. Tomorrow, they will do this all over again. Just a respite before another fight, before another injustice. Before another loss. Neither of them lets go of the other, not for the longest time, not until they’re engulfed into complete darkness, the night’s cold nipping at them and reminding them that they, against all odds, are still alive. 

*

“You can’t keep doing this,” Scully says, standing next to him, and even though he’s not looking at her, he knows she’s frowning. She’s bundled up in a thick coat, needing the warmth, needing to hide her diminishing body away. No amount of layers can cover up the truth they both know.

She’s dying.

Mulder looks straight ahead at where the sun bleeds red into the sky. What does it matter to her? Why does she care what happens to him once she’s gone? His thoughts buzz in his head, like a swarm of angry bees. He wants to throw the chair away, to hide the keys. How can he ever return here once she’s buried in the cold earth?

“Mulder, I mean it. What you did… why did you do it? Why did you let someone drill a hole into your head?” Her voice rises with every word she says. He doesn’t have answers for her. He can’s save her and so he doesn’t deserve to be saved. Definitely not by her.

“I can’t- Mulder, please look at me.” He can’t deny her when she’s pleading with him. How can he deny her anything now when she’s dying? With force, he turns his head towards her. “I can’t bear the thought that you hurt yourself. You need to start taking better care of yourself.”

His nod is an empty promise, but she sits next to him anyway. He holds her tiny, cold hand in his and squeezes it tightly before he interlaces their fingers. Maybe some of his warmth, some of his life, can seep into her. She needs it more than he does.

*

“You said you wanted to talk to me?” Mulder is hesitant in sitting down. There’s a gentle breeze in the air, a hint of summer palpable in the rich bouquet of new beginnings.

“Hmm.” There’s a soft, albeit shy smile on her face that disarms his heart. He sits down, glances briefly at the early sunset, not yet in full procession, coloring them in golden hues.

“I must admit I was a bit, um, worried when I got your message because-“

“I want a baby, Mulder.” The smile is still there, now mixed with determination. She wants this. She really wants this. He swallows hard, his mind rushing through all the implications. Scully wants a child.

“That’s um…”

“I got a second opinion for the ova you’ve stored. There’s a good chance that IVF will work for me.”

“That’s incredible, Scully.”

She nods, watching him. “There’s just one problem. It’s not a problem, just- I need…, you know…”

“A father,” he supplies.

“So to speak. I don’t want you to answer right away, Mulder, because I know this is a big decision and one that neither of us should make lightly. I’ve spent all week thinking about it. You were my first thought when Dr. Parenti said there was a chance. During the week, I realized that… I don’t want you to feel pressured or like this is something that you have to do. I want you to think about it, okay?”

“You want me to be the…” now he can’t say it. Father. Scully wants him to be the father of her child.

“Please think about it. I’m going to leave you alone now.” She squeezes his shoulder and he sits there, frozen and shell-shocked. His eyes are trained on the sky where soft, pale blue and pink stripes frolic together. There’s no decision to be made. His heart pounds in his chest.

They’re going to try and make a baby.

*

She doesn’t say a word as she hands him a key. The key to the rooftop. He stares back at her, dumbfounded.

“I thought maybe you’d like it back.” Her voice is clipped, as neatly coiffed as her hair.

“Why?”

“I figured you’d like to share it with someone else.”

“Scully, no.” But she’s already leaving. He catches her right when her hand lands on the doorknob. “This is our place,” he says. “Diana doesn’t even know it exists. Neither would I want her to. Please stay? Look at that sunset.”

She doesn’t. She’s staring at her own hand, wrapped around the knob, still ready to leave. He couldn’t blame her if she did.

“Hey?” He touches her chin, making it impossible for her not to look at him. There’s a glimmer of anger in her eyes. These days, no matter what he does, he’s only making things worse. “Just one sunset. It promises to be pretty tonight.”

Wordlessly, she lets go, trots over to her chair, and sits down. She moves it away from his own, widening the distance. As soon as they’ve both settled, as soon as he dares, he reaches out to take her hand. She lets him hold it and he knows they will be okay again, in the end.

*

“We should have done it like this from the start,” Mulder says grinning up at Scully. She’s perched on his lap, her arms around his neck, and her head leaning against his. It won’t take long tonight, the sun in a hurry to set in the frosty autumn air.

“We weren’t ready then.” Scully’s giggle disappears into his neck where she nuzzles him with the tip of her freezing nose. He can’t wait to get back inside, to warm her up. Who needs sleeping bags when you have a warm bed and the hottest woman on earth?

“You’re not even looking at the sunset, Scully.”

“I’ve seen it before,” she says with a yawn.

“Are you tired? It’s only afternoon.”

“Well, we were busy last night.” Another giggle and a kiss against his jaw. He loves this Scully, the playful one. Sure, he loves every Scully he’s ever encountered; from the bossy badass to the one who needs help reaching the cupboards in his apartment.

“I plan on being busy again tonight,” he says into her hair.

“Can we skip the sunset tonight, Mulder? Maybe we can even see it from your bedroom.”

“You’re right. We should definitely check that theory.”

*

There are no certainties, only a sea full of possibilities, but Mulder knows this is the last time he’ll be sitting here, watching the sunset from the rooftop of his building. His bags are packed; everything he needs ready to start a new life somewhere else. Where that will be, he doesn’t yet know.

“I thought I’d find you here,” Scully says softly, cradling her heavy stomach. He can’t help but smile when he sees her, overcome with love for her and their baby. If only there wasn’t the nagging feeling of fear, too. What if they can’t keep their child safe? What if?

“I thought I’d say goodbye.”

“You don’t know that, Mulder.” She takes her hand in his, their fingers automatically entwining.

“Hmm,” he replies. He does know. This chapter is over. “We’ve had some good moments up here, didn’t we?”

“We did.”

“Sad ones, too.”

“No more sad ones,” she says, putting their entwined hands on her stomach.

If only life were that easier. But as he looks at the sky, the same sky it’s always been, the familiar colors that still find ways to surprise him now and then, he knows that they will be fine. No matter where he is, where she is, the sun will set every day, sleep, and rise again. There’s always going to be hope.