#( no one else gets this treatment so i can’t help but raise an eyebrow )

[kokoronohiroi]

i’ll never get upset at official merch for sidelining okuyasu for rohan (it’s honestly the funniest thing to me) but it does make me raise an eyebrow at the fact they chose to sideline the one jobro with melanin 🤨

[whumpy-bi]

Rescuers/medics bringing in a more “emotionally aware” member of their crew to talk to a recently rescued Whumpee, who has spent the past few days lashing out and refusing any treatment.

They’re crouched behind their bed when Caretaker walks in, wide eyes watching them intently. They know Caretaker can see them—the bed is giving them a sense of security, Caretaker figures, a barrier between them and anyone else.

Caretaker keeps their voice soft, but loud enough that Whumpee can hear them. “Hey,” they start.

“You’re Whumpee, right?” They only nod to themself, knowing the answer. “I’m Caretaker…” They notice the apprehension in Whumpee’s stare.

“I’m not a medic, don’t worry. I just want to talk to you, would that be okay?”

Whumpee finally nods. Good, an acknowledgment.

Caretaker slowly lowers themselves to their knees, stopping at eye level with Whumpee. Notably, they hadn’t attempted to come any closer, nor attempted to move Whumpee from behind the bed.

“I heard you were a little upset this morning. Is that true?”

Finally, a verbal response.

“Yeah.”

“I heard you got pretty angry, with the medic. That true, too?”

“…Am I in trouble?”

Caretaker shakes their head, resting their hands on their knees. “No, not at all. I just want to understand what happened. Do you know why you were angry?”

“…No. I just didn’t want them near me.”

They hummed in thought. “Well…I’ve also heard you haven’t been able to sleep since we brought you here.”

Whumpee was silent, but frowned.

“I know I always feel pretty crappy when I can’t sleep. I get angrier than I mean to. Do you think maybe that’s why?”

“…Maybe.”

“Well, that’s alright. I can help you figure out how to get some sleep, we can talk about that too. But do you remember specifically why you lashed out at the medic today? What did—“

“He grabbed me. I don’t want people to grab me. He wouldn’t stop grabbing me.”

Caretaker nodded again, shifting their jaw as they listened. “That makes sense. I probably wouldn’t like that, either. What if he asked to touch you, before he did?”

Whumpee was silent again, but they quirked their head to the side. Considering.

“I’m sure we can all do that, asking to do things. We can tell you what we’re doing, before we do it. So you know how we’re helping you. Would that help? I think that’d be a lot less frustrating.”

Whumpee mumbled, now. They’d come closer to the other side of the bed.

“Maybe, yeah.”

Caretaker smiled warmly. “That’s good, I can tell them that. Now…I wanna help you get some sleep. I think that’ll help you feel a lot better, too.”

They watch Whumpee quietly as they climb back onto the bed, careful not to move too quickly themselves.

“Is it hard to sleep in here?”

No answer again. Caretaker glances over to the window.

“It’s pretty bright outside, isn’t it? Even with the parking lot lights at night. I can get some heavier curtains, if you’d—“

“It’s hot.” Whumpee’s voice is barely there, a hushed mumble.

Caretaker’s eyebrows raise, their expression a relieved smile. This was good.

“Yeah? I can’t sleep if it’s too warm, either. Here, I can…” They very slowly rise to stand, keeping eye contact with Whumpee as they do so. “I can lower the temperature, that’ll help a lot. I’ll just make it a little cooler in here…I can make sure you have water at night, too. Nice cold water.”

Whumpee watches them closely as they adjust the temperature, less apprehensive than before.

Caretaker suppresses a chuckle at Whumpee’s expression. “You look pretty tired, Whumpee. You wanna try sleeping again?”

“…Maybe.”

They let Caretaker help adjust them into a sleeping position, leaving the blanket by their ankles for now. As Caretaker goes for the light switch, Whumpee calls out one more time.

“Will you come back?”

“Sure I will, Whumpee. I’ll check on you a lot, you can ask for me whenever you want. Why?”

“I…liked talking to you.”

“I liked talking to you, too, Whumpee.”

Whumpee’s prolonged nap that day was the best sleep they’d had in months.

[deliontower]

when all i want is you | part two | c.b

pairing: Colin Bridgeton x gn!reader

summary: you and Colin now married spend a day in Italy

warnings: just fluff

word count: 500 ish

a/n: this took an embarrassing amount of time to write but I finally felt like writing so here! This is kinda short, I wanted to keep it happy but might revisit one day. This is also the third day of uploading in a row, will it continue or will I not write for the rest of the year?

requested@helen06dreamer: Hello! Can you please give us a second part at the 'when all u want is you'? Please 🥺

You can find part one here

The smell of fresh bread filled the small room in Italy, they sighed a breath of comfort pulling the bed covers around them as they sat up in bed. Beside them, Colin was still fast asleep, his back bathing in the warm morning air.

Tiptoeing they moved across the room, throwing on a dressing gown and stepping out onto the balcony. Below them most of the local people and tourists were already going about their days. The ring on their left hand glittered in the sunlight.

“I’ll get you a better one once we return to London” Colin said from behind them, he wrapped his arms around their waist and rested his head on their shoulder.

Still holding their hand out they exhaled, “I can’t imagine there ever being a better ring than this”,leaning back in his chest.

The wedding was perfect even if it was just the two of them, the vicar and two local people to bear witness, it was nothing like the rich and lavish weddings the upper circle of London had. But to them both it was the finest wedding anyone living and dead had ever had.

He held his new spouse and rocked them, “what do you say to visiting the Tower of Pisa?”. They turned to face him and kissed his cheek.

“We should bring a picnic, like we would in Hyde park”

Colin held onto their hand the whole way, growing tighter as the crowds grew. It was truly a beautiful day. Many people, tourists and locals had also chosen that day to visit the Tower of Pisa.

Colin laid the blanket onto the floor and helped them sit down, a smirk rose. “I could get used to this treatment”. Colin kissed them, a rush went through them. The freedom to kiss him without worry was intoxicating.

“Wait until we return to London” he said, laying down with his head in their lap. They went on to play with his brown hair.

“How will we even explain? Both our families would have the news by now.” They said worriedly.

“We’re married now and that can’t be undone. Certainly not after last night” he laughed. They laughed too, playfully hitting his chest.

“We ran away. I was my Aunt's heir and you’re a Bridgeton! The rumours will be impossible to escape” they said.

“So we never return?” He asked.

“Even if we don’t they would just find us” they sighed. He sat up and kissed them again.

“What about a life on the run? We changed our names and live free?”

They raised their eyebrows, “neither of us can live without our comforts. Sallow as it is, I like my life and I don’t want to live anything else”.

He put himself back into their lap, “thank god. I regretted the words the moment I spoke them” he smiled shyly.

“What would life be like then? Back in London” you asked.

“Our own home, we could stay in the summer house” Colin suggested. “Parties every week, tea on the lawn, days in bed without a care in the world”.

“Summer tours each year” you grinned.

“So much to see so much time”.

“And I get to spend it all with you, what could be more perfect?”.

[abiiors]

im dyingggg to see a matty sickfic from u

Hey hey, thank you for the ask <3 and your wish has been granted ✨

Warnings - being sick? but nothing else apart from that, I don't think.

If you want a swapped version of this, go here!

Mother Hen

‘Open your mouth for me, baby,’ he coaxes

Normally this would have been met with a stupid sex joke but today your entire body feels like it’s been run over by an 18-wheeler. Twice.

‘Come on,’ he nudges your mouth with the cold tip of the thermometer and you finally obey. It feels like an anvil against your skull once it beeps.

‘Hmm, 100.4,’ he frowns, ‘not good.’

‘Absolutely miserable,’ you echo and his frown deepens. 

You haven’t stopped feeling like you’re on the verge of death for twenty-four hours now. Twenty-four hours of miserable headaches, chills and a churning stomach. But somehow, today is worse than yesterday.

‘Hey,’ he taps your cheek lightly to get you to stay awake, ‘how about we try some toast, yeah?’

‘No. No food, please,’ you practically beg. The churning of your stomach has not exactly put you in the mood to eat and he knows it. Unfortunately, he can’t just let you go for more than a day without eating solids. 

‘Some banana, then…please.’ He’s been trying everything for the past twenty minutes. From bribery to flattery to sternness, yet nothing will budge you. ‘I’ll get you some peppermint tea once you eat a bit.’ 

The thought of peppermint tea piques your interest a bit. It had managed to calm your stomach down for an hour or two yesterday so you finally give in and agree to the banana. The fever has well and truly fucked with your tastebuds. The banana tastes like mush and you have to fight to keep each bite down. The tea is fortunately a better experience. 

When he goes to run the pots back to the kitchen, you decide to get some medicine from the bathroom cabinet.

Matty walks back into the bedroom to already find you out of bed. Just as he’s about to protest this decision. you realise that standing up was—most definitely—a mistake. The room spins violently and the banana and the tea threaten to make a reappearance right on your bedroom floor. And you aren’t even sure if you’re going to make it to the bathroom in time. 

‘Matty…’ you whimper and his eyes widen as he understands what’s about to happen. 

He rubs his hands up and down your back as he ushers you to the bathroom. As soon as your knees hit the floor, your body expels everything you’ve consumed in the last twenty-four hours. 

Matty is a constant presence. He gathers your hair in one hand and strokes your back with the other. Mumbles encouraging words and tells you to take deep breaths through each wave of nausea.

When it’s finally over, you slump back against his chest and close your eyes. 

‘Do you feel any better?’ he asks once you’ve caught your breath a little. 

‘A smidge,’ you whisper. It makes you realise that your throat feels incredibly raw from all the bile and stomach acid. 

He brushes aside a few strands of hair that are stuck to your sweaty forehead. ‘Should we clean up then?’ When you nod a yes, he hooks an arm around your waist and helps you stand up. 

When he still doesn’t let go of your waist as you finish brushing your teeth, you meet his eyes in the mirror, ‘you’re fussing.’

‘Let me,’ he says without missing a beat, ‘I’m worried about you.’

You turn around to look at him and place your hands on his chest. ‘It’s only a stomach bug, love. I already feel better than before.’

‘So do you not want the princess treatment?’ he raises an eyebrow. 

‘I didn’t say that!’

‘Well then let me be the mother hen,’ he places a small kiss on your forehead.

The rest of the afternoon he spends playing with your hair and massaging your stomach to ease the cramps. It’s when he starts humming your favourite songs that your eyelids start to feel heavy. You don’t exactly know when you fall asleep but you definitely feel his fingers trace “I love you” on your shoulder. 

[prettybirdy979]

Hugfest Fic: Aziraphale/Crowley - Don't Give A Flying Snake

For the Ace Omens Discord Server’s Hugfest 2024. Today’s prompt was ‘A “jumping into the other’s arms” hug’. This can also be found on AO3 here

Aziraphale has just about reached the end of their laneway when he hears the thundering of footsteps coming from around the corner. He pauses, listening for anything that should alarm him. Crowley’s trees give them much needed privacy but also reduce his ability to see what is comin-

Crowley bounds around the corner in a full sprint. He brightens when he sees Aziraphale standing there.

‘Heads up angel!’ he calls, throwing himself into the air with a jump that must be miraculously assisted. A moment later he shifts, becoming a medium sized snake that Aziraphale only just manages to catch.

Crowley wraps himself around Aziraphale’s hands as Aziraphale pulls him towards his chest in as much of a hug as he can manage when his husband is a wriggling, previously flying snake.

Two men thunder around the corner; the two brothers from the local village who Crowley has taken to tormenting after witnessing their treatment of one of their employees. They falter at the sight of Aziraphale, standing seemingly alone in the middle of the laneway.

He raises an eyebrow at them. ‘Can I help you?’ 

‘Where’s your…’ Harry, the elder brother fumbles as he seems to realise what the best description of Crowley to Aziraphale is and stumbles over it. ‘Where’s Crowley?’ he asks finally. 

‘I do believe he is somewhere in the area,’ Aziraphale says truthfully. ‘Did you need something?’

‘Just need to have a chat,’ Tommy, the younger brother says. ‘We’s got some messages we need to pass on.’

‘Well, you will have to pass them on when you next see him,’ Aziraphale says mildly and lifts Crowley up so he’s visible to the humans.

They freeze. 

‘Is that a snake?’ Harry asks, staring at Crowley with wide eyes.

‘Crawley,’ Aziraphale says smoothly, ignoring Crowley’s outraged hiss. And bite. ‘Stop that,’ he says instead. ‘It’s unbecoming.’

‘Is that legal to have out here?’ Tommy asks, as if he’s never broken a law in his life.

Aziraphale gives them both a bright smile. ‘I don’t see why I can’t walk my snake.’ He places a soft kiss to the top of Crowley’s head. ‘Now gentlemen, if there’s nothing else? I should like to finish my walk.’

They nod and Aziraphale turns around, placing Crowley’s head over his shoulder so the demon can hiss at them as they walk away.

‘Enjoying yourself?’

Immensely, Crowley hisses. They’re going to spend the next week wondering how I got away.

‘What did you even do to them?’

Crowley just hisses a laugh and moves his head so his tongue is tickling at Aziraphale’s ear. 

Shaking his head, Aziraphale lets his husband be. He’ll get it out of Crowley later - or wait for the village gossip to let him know.

‘I love you,’ he says instead.

A flicker of Crowley’s tongue in his ear. And I, you.

[peaceisadirtyword]

Pull the Trigger V (Modern!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello! Once again I’m so sorry because I did leave this chapter scheduled and once again it wasn’t posted :( but it’s okay, I got it! This week and the next one I have exams so that’s why this has been so chaotic, I’m truly sorry, I should dedicate more time to this! I also just finished my treatment for the surgery and I’m waiting for the call from the hospital to start the preparations for it! so it’s a bit stressing and makes me nervous, but it’ll be fine♥️ thank you so much for reading and for sticking around, I really appreciate it🥰

Warnings: mentions of SA, sexism, dark themes, insults, Ivar gets angry :( also mentions of anxiety and depression.

Words: 3525

Read on AO3

Fic masterlist

The way you were constantly aware of his presence was annoying, overwhelming and  maddening. No matter how many people were in class, it was almost like he was the centre of attention constantly. Or maybe it was you, that had to fight the urge of looking at him every couple of minutes. Sitting next to you after you arrived late again, his blue eyes were fixed on the Power Point the professor was explaining about the vikings' raids in Ireland. This time he hadn't said a word to you, and even though you wanted to feel relieved about that, you couldn't help but wonder if he ever realised you had sat next to him.

Looking at your empty notes again, you sighed a bit more loudly than you intended, and finally his eyes turned to you. Ivar looked amused when you looked at him again, raising an eyebrow almost like you hadn't been trying to catch his attention for the past half an hour.

“Bored?" he whispered, tilting his head in a way that made you wonder if he actually knew how attractive he was “I can't keep giving you my notes, love, I need them too"

“I  didn't ask you to" you rolled your eyes.

“As lovely as always" he rolled his eyes too and you clenched your jaw in annoyance “Are you looking forward to seeing your boyfriend?"

“I don't have a boyfriend" you replied, even though you knew he was just trying to get a reaction out of you.

“Of course you don’t, Erik is not boyfriend material" he shrugged “Has he drugged you to get you in bed already? Or did you go voluntarily?"

You widened your eyes. You knew Ivar and Erik didn't get along, Thora had told you the names of the people Ivar couldn't stand under your request, so you could be friends with them. But accusing him of that...

“Erik would never..." you took a deep breath, unwilling to appear even slightly bothered by his taunt as you knew that was his intention “What you're saying it's very serious, you shouldn't go around saying that" you narrowed your eyes at him. Ivar rolled his, shaking his head almost like he was disappointed by your reaction.

“It's even more serious doing it" he clenched his jaw, his intense eyes fixed on every single movement the professor did “But here you are, judging me because my brother is dating your friend and hooking up with the sexist son of a bitch that assaults women"

“I judge you for way more than that" you scoffed “And they're not dating"

“So you went to bed with him willingly" he muttered “You disappoint me, I thought you'd have some self respect"

“Who I go to bed with is none of your business" you replied, trying to keep your voice low so the professor wouldn't kick you out “But given that you're accused of killing people and being a fucking gangster, it’s quite bold to accuse someone else of doing disgusting things"

Ivar chuckled quietly, shaking his head, his eyes went down to his own notes and he stood silent for a few minutes. You couldn't stop thinking about what he just said, mostly because it wasn't the first time you heard it. Surely Erik was an idiot sometimes, and could have questionable behaviour around women in clubs, but he would never abuse a woman, right? He would have tried something with you if that was the case, and he had been very respectful every time you had met, never going past what you were comfortable with.

Besides, why were you even giving any credit to anything Ivar would say? He was cruel, a bully, like everyone in his family he believed himself to be better than anyone else, always justifying his own actions just because no one had called him out in his entire life... He was accused of killing people, even if they were just as bad as he was, and he was a rich asshole that had everything he ever wanted in life. Just like Hvitserk, the one that had been sleeping in your house for at least a week now and the one eating half of your fridge every morning.

Deciding you would just ask Erik the next time you saw him, you glanced at the Power Point again, almost moaning in desperation when you realised you had zoned out for way more slides you had thought and now were on a completely different topic and, again, you had no idea of what the professor just said.

Looking at Ivar hoping he was just as lost as you were, you found him smirking at you, almost like he knew exactly what you were thinking.

“What?" he raised an eyebrow “Are you too worried that your boyfriend might be a sex offender to pay attention in class?"

“Erik is not my fucking boyfriend" you groaned, rubbing your eyes “And he's not a sex offender either, you, on the contrary" you turned your head to look at him in the eye, and Ivar tilted his head in amusement “Are a manipulative son of a bitch that likes to scare people to feel important, just like your brother that likes to use people for his own pleasure and throw them away afterwards not caring about them or their fucking feelings"

Ivar’s face changed.

“Please, leave my mother out of this" he replied, his expression was way colder then “You can insult me as much as you want if that makes you feel better for fucking that bastard, but you leave my family alone"

For the first time, you found Ivar Lothbrok intimidating, and you were sure that if you hadn't been in a classroom surrounded by people he would have done more than glaring at you like that.

“And that includes my brother" he continued, hissing in a lower voice that almost made you tremble “Hvitserk is an asshole, but no one is allowed to point that out as many times as you did, princess, so by all means, hate me as much as you want, cry because your best friend is fucking one of us, despise my family, but never and I mean never insult us again in my presence or you will regret it" he whispered, and for the first time you were speechless “It's not my fault that your life is so worthless and boring that you have to follow Erik around begging for some attention, I only tried to warn you, so stop being a bitch and fuck off"

When he finished you had tears in your eyes. Ivar just turned around, looking at the professor just as he announced the end of the class and people started standing up. Looking down at your empty notes you felt him stand and leave the classroom with the rest of your classmates, and just when the first tears fell down your cheeks you felt a hand on your shoulder.

Alfred's eyes widened in surprise when he saw you crying, and immediately occupied the seat Ivar just left.

“Y/N? Is everything okay?" he glanced at the door “Did Ivar do anything?"

You gulped, covering your face in both shame and anger, not believing you were crying because of that idiot.

“Am I... Am I a bitch?" your lip trembled as you raised your head to look at him.

Alfred looked even more surprised then, and started frowning at the door.

“What?"

“I swear I'm not trying to be a bitch I just want to make sure Thora doesn't suffer because of a stupid boy" you sniffed “Hvitserk has a terrible reputation, and Ivar even worse... I don't mean to be a bitch to anyone, I...  My life sucks and I don't know what to do, I just wanted to make sure my friend was happy, that's all, I..."

Alfred shushed you with a small smile on his lips, leaning in to hug you tightly with a chuckle.

“You're clearly in need of a relaxing night of therapy" he muttered against your hair “Come to my place for dinner, Elsewith is cooking".

You nodded slowly, finally wiping your tears and taking a deep breath. You couldn't believe you were so affected by his words, the words of someone you despised so much... But it was the way he had said them, with that stern glare and disappointed tone, almost like you had let him down. Was everyone just as aware as him of how unhappy you were?

Leaving the classroom with Alfred, part of the sadness you felt turned into anger. Who was he to talk to you like that? The frustration made you close the door maybe a bit too harshly, and some of the people standing on the hallway turned to look at you, including Ivar, who still looked pissed as he talked to a very amused Hvitserk.

“Wow, someone is not having a good day" Erik's voice next to you made you jump, even though your expression softened and you even smiled a bit, even when you didn't feel like it.

“I need to go to work" Alfred looked at Erik up and down with clear displeasure for his presence, but smiled at you “I'll pick you up when I'm out"

“Okay, see you" you hugged him one last time before he left, not even glancing back at Erik once.

“I just wanted to check on you, I haven't seen you in days" Erik tilted his head with a flirtatious smile, and the tilt of the head was something you had associated with Ivar so much that it infuriated you when you surprised yourself thinking he looked much better than Erik doing it.

“Yes, I've been busy" you cleared your throat, trying to regain some composure. It was the truth, you had been very busy the past few days giving your cv to every single person that would take it and doing job interviews that ended very often with a ‘it's not what we're looking for, but we'll keep your cv and will call you if any other position becomes available’, which was a more polite way of saying ‘you're not getting this job, now get the fuck out of my office’.

“Are you busy tomorrow? I'm throwing a party with my roommate at my place" Erik kept smiling, this time reaching to grab your waist in a flirtatious way “I would love it if you could come, we can have some time to catch up" he winked, and you cleared your throat.

“Um... Sure, I'll be there... Can I bring a friend?"

“Of course" he smiled widely "See you, then"

Before you could react, Erik leaned in to kiss you softly. His lips were a bit dry and forceful, and you almost pushed him away, ashamed that he'd do that in public without asking you first. He looked damn proud of himself when he walked away, and you took a couple of minutes to take a deep breath and wipe your mouth before leaving the campus, not before glaring at Ivar, who glared right back at you. You had another class, but at that moment you couldn't care less.

________________________________________

Ivar stormed out of the classroom, scaring a group of girls that talked cheerfully just outside. He had to bite his tongue before he'd yell at them to move, but instead he just glared at them and that was enough to make them step aside and let him walk outside. Hvitserk was waiting for him in the hallway, looking bored as hell and scrolling down his phone.

“Took you long enough" he scoffed when Ivar finally reached him “How was your day? Not very good from what I see" Hvitserk chuckled, already too used to his brother's bad mood to let them affect him.

“I can't stand her anymore, Hvitserk" Ivar gripped his crutch so tightly he could hear his fingers crackle “She thinks she's so much better than us, I can't deal with her anymore, so please just break up with her friend because I can't keep having her around"

“Wait, who are we talking about?" his older brother glanced at the door while the rest of the students walked away “I'm lost"

“Your girlfriend's little friend, look, you can fuck whoever you want to but don't leave me to deal with their annoying friends"

“Y/N?" Hvitserk laughed “You go to class with Y/N?"

“It's not fucking funny" Ivar clenched his jaw “No matter when or where I am, she's always there and finds a way to get on my nerves"

“And here I thought you'd end up being fond of each other" Hvitserk sighed “Well, brother, sorry to break it to you but you'll have to put up with her for a little longer, I'm gonna invite Thora for dinner tomorrow"

Ivar raised his head, alarmed.

“What does that mean?"

“I need you to leave the house for a couple of hours tomorrow, or lock yourself up in your bedroom, I don't care, but I'm cooking for Thora and I'm going to have a serious conversation with her about our future and..."

His little brother's scoff interrupted him, which seemed to offend Hvitserk personally as he narrowed his eyes at him.

“That sounds too emotionally responsible for you, brother, I don't believe you"

“Mother keeps pestering me into getting in a relationship" Hvitserk rolled his eyes “She says it's time to stop... What did she call it? Yes, 'fooling around' and settle down, at least for a while, she used the fact that both Ubbe and Sigurd are already in a committed relationship"

“But if you do it I'm next" Ivar seemed to panic “She will start pestering me"

“Well, that's your problem, not mine" Hvitserk patted his back “Anyway, I like Thora, so I don't really mind... For now"

Ivar opened his mouth again, probably to throw an insult, but Erik's voice interrupted him. Hvitserk was more than familiar with the hate his brother had for Erik, so he grabbed his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down even before Ivar tensed up.

He stood silent as you talked to him, looking rather uncomfortable when he leant in to kiss you in front of everyone. Finally, you left, and Ivar started to breathe again.

“I tried to warn her" he told his brother, who hummed in amusement “But she clearly doesn't care"

“Sure, brother" he chuckled “Let's go, we have work to do"

__________________________________________

“Alfred told me Ivar made you cry today"

You raised your head to look at Elsewith, who looked focused on preparing the dinner Alfred had promised you, but you looked down again quickly, at the vegetables you were cutting.

“He didn't make me cry" you muttered, refusing to admit that his words and the tone he used with you had stung to the point of make you tear up. You wouldn't give him that kind of power “He was just plain rude and unpleasant to me, and I've been having bad days so..."

“Ivar is like that" she sighed “I don't know him very well, but from what I've heard... He's just cruel and enjoys hurting other people"

“I know, but..." you bit your lip. For a while, you truly had believed you had the power to criticise him, to be open and vocal about how unpleasant you found his and his family's existence. He clearly thought he was much better than you and wouldn't be bothered to care about an insignificant person's opinion about him. Maybe he found amusing the courage you had to tell him exactly what you thought.

“Don't think too much about it" she smiled softly at you “Forget about him, he probably already has forgotten about you" she rolled her eyes and shook her head “Anyway, did you say you've been having bad days? What's wrong?"

You looked at the kitchen door. Alfred was still in the bathroom having a nice shower after work, and you hoped he'd stay there for a bit longer, because you didn't want to talk about this in front of him. For some reason it was easier to talk about what you were feeling to people that wasn't that close to you.

“I can't find a stable job" you blurted out “I'm living off of the savings I had for when I finished university, to travel and maybe move abroad, no one wants me no matter how many jobs I apply for" you sighed “I don't know what to do, my friends are all finding partners and spending most of their time with them, I'm alone most of the day, I just sit around, glance at my notes and watch shitty movies all day, I can't do anything because I have no motivation to do anything, and I feel like I'm failing in life and stuck in the same place while everyone moves on with their lives" you took a deep breath, rubbing your eyes and trying to convince yourself that you were crying because of the onions you had just cut "So yeah, I'm having a few bad days"

Elsewith looked surprised. She left the wooden spoon on the kitchen counter and approached you slowly, trying to put a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“I'm sorry, Y/N" she muttered “God, why didn't you say anything? I'm home most of the day, I could go and keep you company" she smiled at you and you sighed in defeat. You appreciated her effort, you truly did, but you wanted to be in the company of someone that actually wanted to be there with you, not because they pitied or felt sorry for you.

“I'll be fine, I just..." you took a deep breath “I see everyone falling in love and having a great life, with successful jobs, good grades, looking all nice and confident... And I'm glad for them! I truly am, but at the same time I can't stop wondering when it'll be my turn" you pouted “Does that make me a bitch and a horrible person?"

Elsewith chuckled, shaking her head as she hugged you tightly. There was something in her that resembled an older sister giving advice, and it was comforting.

“Not at all, honey" she muttered, caressing your back “It's normal to feel the pressure and to try and transform your life into the one you always wanted" she moved to look at you in the eye “You're currently in the process to get to the life you dream of, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the process"

You nodded slowly. It wasn't your intention to bother her with your problems, but you felt like you had just taken a load off your mind.

“You know? When I met Alfred it wasn't love at first sight" she moved to take a look at the dinner cooking silently inside the oven “But with time, I started noticing I would look for him every time I entered a room, I would be aware of his presence even though I couldn't see him and I would keep thinking about him when he wasn't around, it was very weird at first" she giggled “Sometimes I'd get annoyed by his mere existence because he had a power over me that I didn't like, but those feelings I had during the first days of our relationship were magical, Y/N, and I know I won't feel the same with anyone else even if we break up. You haven't experienced that just yet, and I'm actually envious of you because of that" she smiled fondly again, and all the warmth and love you could see in her eyes made you look away “So one day you'll feel that, or you'll wake up one morning in your own home and look out of the window and realise you got the life you wanted, and then you'll feel like all of this struggling was worth it" she reached to take your hand “So trust the process... And enjoy it"

You nodded slowly, and barely had time to mutter a 'thank you' before Alfred entered the kitchen, still drying his hair with a towel and dressed in more comfortable clothes than the formal attire he used to go to the office.

“Hello" he looked a bit taken aback by your teary eyes, but one glance from his girlfriend was enough to make him drop it “It smells awfully good, what are we having?"

Grateful for not having to talk about it anymore, you moved so he'd see the vegetables you were cutting and the recipe book just in front of you. Just when he tried to dip a finger in the pan where Elsewith was making the sauce, just to be slapped on his hand by the wooden spoon his girlfriend had just picked up.

Smiling softly at their bickering, you sighed again and tried to ignore the unsettling feeling in your stomach that made you want to throw up. You recognized the feeling Elsewith was talking about, but you didn't like the person that awakened it.

___________________________________

Tags:  @istorkyou​ @barnes-lothbrok​ @naaladareia​ @youbloodymadgenius​ @southernbe​ @yummycastiel​ @nothingtolosebutweight​ @noway4u​ @cdauni @heavenly1927​​ @ivarhoegh​​ @biancathecool​​ @helleiaiwritting​​ @marvelsangels​​ @ironynoticony​​ @kenyadakblalock​

[metalnecklace]

I Was Raised Out In The Cold

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Words: 8099

Warnings: Canon Typical Violence, Brief Mentions of Death/Violence, Injuries/Head Trauma, P in V Smut, Unsafe Sex (wrap it up, folks).

Notes: Here is the second part to Forgive My Northern Attitude. I wrote way more than I expected, but I’m really happy with it! I hope this redeems how I left the first part. Also I played through the game before I watched the show so if it’s obvious then I’m sorry. Also also, I have dealt with the injuries in this part before so I’m basing recovery/treatment on what I went through when having to deal with that.

Masterlist

Part I

Three Months Later (Autumn)

I tried not to think about that night. About him. About the way he held me so close, as if he was afraid to lose me. I knew in that moment I was afraid to lose him. I didn’t know that I would.

Ever since he closed my front door on us I decided to close my heart to him. We barely spoke unless necessary, and I tried my hardest to keep my distance from him. Ellie had suspiciously been getting closer to me, but I didn’t mind as long as he didn’t join her.

One day she asked about us at lunch. “What’s up with you and Joel?”

I shrugged. “Not much.”

She rolled her eyes and sat back with her arms crossed. “You can’t fool me. How do you guys know each other?”

“We were friends before the outbreak. That’s it, that’s all.” I continued keeping my eyes down and focused on the food I was stabbing with my fork.

We sat eating in silence for a few more minutes, and I thought I was off the hook. “You probably already know how stubborn he is, but he does eventually give in. I promise.”

I looked up and saw that she was genuine with her words. She looked at me with concern that only someone who actually cared could have.

“Thank you, Ellie.”

She smiled. “Anytime.”

Joel and I continued existing around each other until even Tommy couldn’t take it. I walked in on him and Joel arguing after he’d called me into his office.

“You’re fucking stupid if you think I’m goin’ out there with her.” Joel was standing with his back to the door, and I tried my hardest to ignore the ghost of how it felt to pull that back closer to my body.

“I hope you’re not talking about me,” I said, causing Joel’s shoulders to tense up even further toward his ears. He spun to face me and his eyes held a look that I couldn’t figure out.

“(Y/N). Glad you could join us.” Tommy was sitting at his desk, looking amused at the scowl etched onto Joel’s features.

I walked further into the room, closing the door behind me. “What’s going on, Tommy?”

Tommy’s eyes darted between me and Joel, no doubt noticing how hard I was trying to ignore the older man. “I’m sending you guys out on patrol to one of our safe houses in the north. There’s reports of infected hiding out there and I need them cleared out. We have a lot of supplies up there and can’t afford to lose the place.”

“But why us?” Joel asked before I could. “Why can’t you and I go up?”

Tommy raised an eyebrow at his brother. “You know Maria doesn’t want me going out as much right now, and you two haven’t been out on patrol together yet. I’m trying to change things up.”

“If we haven’t been out before then do you really think it’s safest to try this now?” Joel was nearly shouting, gritting his teeth to keep his voice level.

Tommy stood up so he could look Joel in the face. “You two are the best shooters here, you work your asses off, and look out for everyone else before yourselves. I have no doubt in my mind that you’re the two to do it. Also, it might help get the stick that’s shoved up your ass out once and for all.”

The brothers stared at each other for a moment, I didn’t dare speak. “I could just say no,” Joel finally said.

“You could,” Tommy shrugged, “but you won’t.”

Joel grunted then turned toward the door, throwing it open. Before he left he looked at me. “We leave at dawn, be ready by the stables.”

He slammed the door before I could even give a response.

“I don’t have much of a choice do I?”

“Nope,” Tommy replied, lips popping on the P. “Just please make sure he doesn’t do anything too stupid.”

“I’ll try my best,” I grumbled. “But I make no promises.”

I slept fitfully that night, my dreams filled with a scowling face and slamming doors. When I rose for the day it was much earlier than I wanted, which meant I not only had enough time to get my horse saddled up, but his as well. He didn’t seem too pleased when he walked in to see me tightening the girth on his saddle.

“I could’ve done all that.” He walked over and took his bridle off the wall.

“A ‘thank you’ would be nice,” I snarked, not even bothering to look his way.

I could hear him stop in his tracks, pausing before continuing to tack his horse. “Thank you.”

I didn’t respond, mounting my horse and riding her out of the barn. Joel’s grunt let me know he mounted his horse behind me and followed my path. I allowed him to take the lead, since he’d been up to that particular safe house more than I had.

We rode in complete silence as the sun started to rise, warming us up. The sight of Jackson during the fall always took my breath away, but it was nothing compared to the way the rising sunlight shone through the red and yellow leaves that morning, casting golden rays on the mountains. Joel slowed down so he could take in the same landscape, and I was pleased to see he still knew how to enjoy his natural surroundings.

He turned to me as much as he could in his saddle. “Well, you always did wanna be surrounded by nature.”

I snorted, shaking my head. It was easy to forget for a moment that I was mad at him, that he had walked out after we opened ourselves up to each other that night.

He turned and continued leading us on our journey. If we continued the way we were we would make it to the safe house within the hour. I was starting to get nervous about what we would be facing, but I couldn’t let Joel know that. He already didn’t want to be working beside me, who knew how he’d feel knowing I was also unsure about my abilities.

Eventually we tied our horses up far enough away from the safe house that if any infected ran out they’d hopefully steer clear, and then made our way to our mission. The only sound between the two of us was the crunch of the leaves under our boots and our breaths heavy from our journey, and possibly our nerves. We came across our target and Joel held his arm out in front of me, stilling our movements, as the sound of moaning and snarling rose from the house.

“Did he say how many there might be?” I whispered, getting my gun ready.

His only answer was the shaking of his head as he mirrored my movements, aiming his gun in front of his body. I glanced at the way his strong hands gripped firm around his weapon, and I shook the image of those hands gripping my thighs out of my head. There was no time to be fantasizing.

We crouched low and made our way to the house, listening in to try and asses the number of bodies we’d have to take care of. I was sure I could distinctly hear at least four different infected, but it was impossible to say for sure until we investigated further.

Joel looked to me, pointing toward a window that had been boarded up. The boards had clearly been ripped apart, leaving a gaping hole to the house. We shuffled closer and I peeked in, looking around what I assumed had been a kitchen. There were no infected in the room, so we lifted ourselves through the window and crept over to where we could hide from the next room.

From our vantage point we were able to see two infected in the living room. I turned to Joel who nodded toward the one on the left, my target. As we advanced forward slowly, he took the right, and we jumped the infected from behind, shoving our knives into the sides of their necks. It was easy work, and, most importantly, silent.

We made our way through the house exactly like that. Silent, swift, with devastating accuracy. There were seven infected in total, and we wiped each one out, only having to fire a few rounds into the last three. I was always nervous about firing our guns, especially when we were further from Jackson, but I knew that the only infected around to hear were dead.

Or so I thought.

“Alright, let’s make sure the gear is untouched,” Joel mumbled.

I nodded and began going through the cupboards to check on the canned goods. “Guess Tommy didn’t need his best shooters after all.”

Joel chuckled. “Yeah, I have a feelin’ he was exaggerating his story.”

We still worked in silence, but it no longer felt as heavy as it had that morning. I missed Joel and just being in his company. It had been so long.

“Everything is accounted for and untouched,” I confirmed once I had checked through each room. We were standing in one of the upstairs bedrooms searching through the closets for hidden ammo.

“I just need to check the bathroom,” Joel said.

I stopped him with a hand on his chest. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll check while you radio Tommy downstairs.”

As I went to pull my hand away he grabbed onto it, keeping it held to his heartbeat. “Hey, you put in a lot of work, why don’t you rest up while I take care of both?”

I shook my head and pulled my hand away. “Joel, I’m fine, I’ll just check the bathroom.”

“So stubborn,” he said, turning to go downstairs.

I turned to face his retreating form. “Oh, I’m stubborn?”

He sighed, stopping in his tracks and tilting his head back. “We’re really gonna do this now?”

“No, you’re right, nevermind.” I threw my hands up then walked toward the bathroom. “Let’s just ignore it, cause that’s been working out so well for us.”

He turned as I started opening the door. “(Y/N), come on-“

He was cut off as an infected burst through the door that I had opened, pushing me back toward the far wall of the bedroom. Joel yelled my name, cocking his gun and firing at the creature. I couldn’t get my hands free as I pushed the infected off of me as best as I could, my feet carrying me back closer and closer to the window behind me.

Joel shot again, the infected finally howling in pain as it gave me one final shove before dropping to the floor. I stumbled back, tripping over a board that was sticking up and yelped at the feeling of lightning shooting up from my right ankle. All I heard was Joel shouting my name before my back collided with the window, glass shattering around me as I fell through the air and slammed into the earth below. My head hit the ground and everything went black.

I awoke to Joel hovering over me, his hands feeling my forehead and neck gingerly.

“Shit, sweetheart, I’m right here. I got you,” he cooed, cradling my face in his hands.

I groaned, a splitting headache making its way to my eyes. I tried to sit up but Joel pressed his hands to my shoulders, keeping me pinned.

“I just have to make sure nothin’s broken or bleedin’ first, okay?” He looked at me for permission, but I couldn’t even bring myself to answer. I felt tears spring to the corners of my eyes, not sure if it was embarrassment or pain, but knowing it was probably both.

He checked me over, his hands moving carefully and softer than I’d ever seen or felt. It was hard to believe the callouses that were worn into his skin and the knuckles that were scarred from fighting belonged to the same man who looked at me with those eyes. The more he touched me the more I felt myself melting for him.

“J-Joel,” I stuttered, tears starting to stream down my cheeks. “Joel, it hurts.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” He pulled back. “Where does it hurt?”

I found myself wiggling slightly, trying to pinpoint exactly where the pain was coming from. “My head, and my ankle. Mostly my ankle.”

His fingers moved behind my head, swiping over what I was sure to be a nasty bump, but his skin was clean when he pulled away. No blood. He looked relieved to see that, but concern took over once more when he moved to check my ankle. I hissed at the slightest movement as he carefully pulled my pant leg up. I thanked whatever spiritual being was watching over us that I had worn my lace up boots that day instead of my usual pull ons, since even taking one of those off hurt incredibly bad.

“Fuck, baby,” he hissed, not even daring to touch what I was assuming was a very swollen ankle. “I don’t think it’s broken, but it’s definitely sprained.”

“Shit,” I could feel a sob trying to break from my chest, but I didn’t want Joel to see me that weak. “What am I gonna do?”

“We,” he began, “are going to wrap this with the first aid kit from the kitchen. Then we are getting you home.”

He bent down further and placed a hand under my head and between my shoulders. With his help I was able to sit up, though the ground seemed to move slightly under me.

“I’m a bit dizzy,” I confessed, placing a hand out so he would slow down.

“Yeah I’d say you have a pretty nasty concussion.” He sighed. “You really did a number on yourself. We’ll go slow, okay? I just gotta get you standing.”

“I didn’t do it to myself,” I groaned, trying to lean on him enough so I could push myself up onto one foot. “It’s not my fault.”

He shook his head. “Still fighting even after falling from a second story window.”

I felt bad leaning my entire weight on him so I could stand up, considering I was feeling quite weak from my fall and the shock running through my system. He didn’t seem to mind though, and barely made a sound as he half carried me into the house. He walked me over to a couch that was up against the living room wall and helped me lay back down.

“I’m gonna radio Tommy to let him know we’ll be a bit delayed coming back, then I’ll get you wrapped up okay?”

I nodded, then winced at the pain from the movement. He went into the kitchen and I heard the sound of the radio as he muttered into it. Even though I strained to listen I still couldn’t make out a thing he said, and decided to wait for him to come back. As I waited my eyelids started feeling extremely heavy, and I felt a blanket of sleep start to pull me under.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, sweetheart.” Joel’s drawl pulled me back out from the fog I had been in. “We can’t have that with your head, don’t want you not waking back up on me.”

I groaned but obeyed. “I’m so tired.”

“I know.” He pulled a chair up to the bottom half of the couch, opening up the first aid kit on his lap. “Just keep those pretty eyes on me, darlin’.”

I did as I was told, admiring his capable hands as he held my ankle as gently as he could. It was hard to hold in my cries of pain but I tried my best for him. I didn’t want him to feel bad about hurting me, considering he was only helping.

Joel held the wrap in his hands and began to loop it around my foot and ankle with expertise. It started to feel better when it was supported by the tightening fabric, but I suspected some of that had to do with the man who was taking such good care of me.

“There,” he said, his voice gruff but I could still hear the hint of care under his tone.

“Thank you, Joel,” I grunted, trying to get up.

He reached out and stopped me yet again. “Woah there, let’s take it easy. I gotta pack everything up and I’m gonna bring the horses over. There’s no way you’re walking for very long.”

“You’re gonna leave me here?” I knew I didn’t need to be too afraid, we had hopefully cleared out the infected around us, but the thought of him not being next to me made my hands start to tremble.

“Oh, sweetheart, I swear I won’t be more than ten minutes, okay?” He laid his hand on my forehead and smoothed back my hair. He leaned over and took his gun off the floor and placed it in my hands so it was aimed toward the hallway. “If you see anybody that isn’t me, don’t even hesitate.”

I nodded. “I know, Joel.”

I waited alone, barely breathing, for what felt like hours until Joel announced his arrival. He came into the room with his hands up as if I had him pinned, making me chuckle as I lowered the gun.

“So here’s the plan,” he said as he took the gun from my hands and slung it over his shoulder. “We need to get you on that horse. Do you think we can do that?”

I thought for a moment about everything it would take to do that, then nodded slowly.

“Are you able to put any weight on it?”

I had already gotten myself into a seated position while I waited for him, but that was all I dared to do. He watched as I wiggled my toes slightly, then maneuvered myself so my feet were on the floor. I winced as I put pressure on my foot, but held my hand out to stop Joel from trying to help.

“I’m just gonna hold your hand to help you, I promise that’s it.” He was looking into my eyes helping me feel more determined than ever. We were the only ones in the room and we might as well have been the only ones on earth as I focused on him and the rough surface of his palm on mine.

I used his support as I pushed myself up off the couch into a standing position. The floor shifted slightly causing Joel to let go and hold onto my shoulders instead.

“I’m okay, just a bit dizzy still,” I reassured him, then took a tentative step. I immediately hissed in pain. “Fuck, that really hurts. I’ve sprained my ankles before but not this bad.”

“I know, sweetheart.” His voice rumbled through me and I closed my eyes, allowing it to soothe my nerves. “We’re just going to go slow. The hardest part is just outside, then it’s smooth sailing, okay?”

I opened my eyes to find his already on me. My breath hitched in my throat.

“I promise.”

“Okay,” I whispered. “Okay, Joel.”

With my arm over his shoulder I hobbled outside, putting as little weight as possible on my ankle. I whimpered when we got to the side of my horse, panic rising in my throat. How was I going to do this?

“I’m gonna need you to lean back on me, sweetheart. Your good foot is going in that stirrup and you’re gonna pull yourself up okay?” His lips brushed against the shell of my ear and I couldn’t help the shiver that rippled through my body.

I did as he instructed, groaning at the pain shooting through my toes and up my leg. His arms wrapped around my middle, pulling me into him. I tried to lift my other leg up but my back muscles were pulled taught, and I felt like my energy was sucked out of me.

“I think I hurt my back more than I thought,” I panted, still trying to lift my leg.

One of his hands left my middle and moved down to grip my outer thigh, his fingers wrapping around my leg and helping me lift it high enough that I could get my foot in the stirrup.

“Alright, I’m gonna push you up a bit, but I’m gonna need you to really step with that good foot,” he grunted.

“It’s okay, I can do it,” I said, panting even before the hardest part.

Using every bit of strength I had, I hoisted myself up into the saddle, my opposite leg dangling in the air beside the stirrup. Joel walked over and adjusted the stirrup so it would be sitting looser than usual, and his hands roamed up to my ankle and calf to help my foot get set in place, but not before fitting my boot back on. For the cold, he told me, making sure it wasn’t too tight.

“I know it’s still gonna ache a bit, but hopefully not too bad,” he said, raising his eyes to mine with the warmth of his hands radiating through my jeans. He kept them there for another breath and then pulled them away hesitantly. “Are you gonna be alright?”

I nodded. “As long as we take it slow I should be fine.”

“We can do that,” he agreed. “It might take us longer to get back but I’d be out here all day as long as you feel alright.”

My lungs emptied at his words, and I found myself wishing I was back under him. Feeling the weight of his body pressing down into mine, holding me, keeping me tethered to the earth.

I pulled my gaze away, breaking my line of thought. I couldn’t do that to myself, I didn’t dare dream about Joel Miller. He sighed and walked over to his horse, swinging his leg up and over with ease. Once he was seated he turned to check my progress. I nodded once, and we set off.

The trail to the safe house was luckily not one known for its rough terrain, it was just lengthy. Usually it would take patrollers two hours to reach the house, and two hours to go back home. It took us three until we could see the Jackson gate.

Although my ankle was throbbing, it didn’t feel like it took us as long as we did. The only way we could tell any time passed was because the sun had started to set. Joel hadn’t spoken a word, only glancing behind every once in a while to check on me, leaving me to my thoughts. And did they ever race.

After trying to steer my mind to more appropriate things, I found that the only way to distract myself from the pain was by focusing on the broad back in front of me. The way his jacket puffed out over his torso, but still stretched slightly over his shoulders. Even under the layers I could tell his strength, and longed to feel him let go. Let me feel it.

I was nearly salivating by the time he stopped in front and half turned to check on me.

“Doin’ alright?”

“Y-yeah,” my voice nearly broke after not talking for so long, “just exhausted.”

He nodded and looked to where Jackson was. “Just a few more minutes and we’ll be there. I’ll make sure to help you off and everything, I know that’ll not be too fun.”

“Right. Thank you.”

I could barely feel my foot, the swelling too much against the confines of my boot, but I wiggled my toes every once in a while to make sure I still could. When we finally passed the gates I felt myself nearly give out, slumping over the horn of my saddle slightly. Joel was already in front of me, holding the reins to his horse and taking mine out of my loosening grip.

“It’s alright, we’re here.” His voice was soothing, my port in a storm. “Just keep it up for a few more minutes, I’m getting us to your place first so you won’t have to walk far.”

I didn’t answer him but knew he would do what was needed. All of my strength was being used to keep myself awake and alert as I hung onto the horn of the saddle for dear life. Every step had my body shift forward, making it harder to stay upright. Luckily my house came into view and I knew we were only a few more steps away.

When we arrived he rushed over to my good side, and instructed me to swing my bad leg over so I could slide down and land on one foot. His hands held onto my waist, helping me down slowly until I was on my good foot, and I gingerly placed my other on the ground.

“It’s really stiff,” I groaned.

“Do you think you can walk on it a bit? Just to get you inside?” His eyes searched my face looking for any indication of pain.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so,” I said, still a bit out of breath from the dismount. “I’ll be fine, I just need to lay down.”

He helped me place my arm around his shoulders and together we hobbled into my house. I went to direct him to where my bedroom was but realized I didn’t need to. He found it as if he’d been there a thousand times, as if it were his house, not just the house he snuck out of in the early hours of the morning.

I sat down on my bed and watched as he bent down on one knee to take my boot off. I was mesmerized by his gentle touch and watchful eyes, remembering the last time we were in that room. A heat pooled low in my belly and my thighs involuntarily clenched together.

“Sorry, I know it hurts,” he said. He had no idea. “I’m gonna go get Tommy and Maria, they were gonna get the doctor, so I’ll be right back. Why don’t you change into something comfortable?”

“Okay,” I said. “Thank you, Joel.”

He stood up and looked at me. I felt my breath falter as time stood still under his gaze. He nodded and walked away. Maria and Tommy came in with the doctor not long after, but Joel didn’t come with them. They confirmed it wasn’t a break, and that I definitely had a concussion but I was okay to rest up. Maria made sure my curtains were drawn tight so my eyes wouldn’t be as sensitive to the light, and they made sure to give me time to rest.

A week passed by with Maria and the doctor coming in to check on me a few times a day as I rested and tried to regain my strength. My head wasn’t aching as much as before but my ankle was still quite tender. I was trying to put more and more weight on it each day but it was hard to stay determined. Joel flooded my thoughts throughout the day and at night my dreams tended to revolve around my mixed feelings toward him.

I was upset he hadn’t visited. Even Ellie had visited at least once a day. She said I needed entertainment, which apparently meant bad jokes and then hounding me about Joel.

“Was he less grumpy before?” She asked one day while I made us some soup to fight off the chill in the air.

I shrugged. “I think we all were.”

“You two were friends, though?”

I turned to her. She was sitting at my kitchen table shuffling cards, but I knew that little smile she wore had different intentions than just curiosity.

“Yes.” I turned back to the pot on the stove. “I already told you that before.”

“I know, it’s just hard to imagine him making friends.” She laughed a bit, the cards flipping through her hands with small swishes. “He doesn’t tell me too much about before, but he has started opening up about Sarah more.”

“He was friends with my brother first,” I said quickly, not sure Joel would want us talking about Sarah. “I was his and Tommy’s mechanic.”

“You were a mechanic?” Ellie asked, her hands pausing their movements. “That’s so cool! There were a few at FEDRA, but they were mostly all men.”

“Yeah, it was a pretty male dominated profession before too.” I turned off my stove, giving the soup one last stir before going to sit in front of Ellie. I had taught her ‘go fish’ and it was her favourite thing to play on rainy days. It also helped pass the time while I was healing.

I was reminded of Freddy. All that time playing cards while we waited for his treatments in the hospital. Us playing games we played as kids just to keep the air lighthearted.

She dealt out our cards. “So, you were close?”

“Close enough, I guess.” I picked up my cards, fanning them out in front of me. “We would just hang out on weekends, having barbecues or hang outs. Nothing crazy, certainly never serious.”

Ellie nodded, but didn’t say anything. The silence that hung between us was filled with questions she didn’t dare voice. She didn’t have to.

“My brother and Tommy fought in the army together, and then stayed close when they came home.” I stacked my cards together face down on the table so I could look at Ellie. “He introduced them to me because I was just starting up my shop.”

Ellie was patient, letting me tell her what I felt comfortable telling her. I understood how she and Joel got along. She knew the right questions to ask to get you talking, but was respectful enough to let you take the lead. It was easy to see the understanding she felt toward me, and I could only imagine the amount she felt toward Joel.

“My brother got very sick. He was getting treatments that made him quite weak, so he was living with me. Did Joel tell you about the flour?”

She nodded, her cards long forgotten.

“Well, he had some. Got infected.” I looked down at my hands. They laid steady on the wood in front of me. “Joel… Took care of him.”

Ellie gasped slightly, barely loud enough for me to hear. “(Y/N), I’m so sorry.”

I shook my head, my eyes welling up. “No, no, it’s okay. It happened so long ago now that I’ve made peace with his passing. The last year he was alive I went to sleep each night wishing he was no longer in pain. Praying for some relief. I guess I should’ve been more specific.”

I looked up to find Ellie chewing on her lip. It was a lot to take in for a young girl, but I knew she wasn’t a typical young girl.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” she said finally.

“Thank you for listening.” I smiled and picked up my cards. “Now, get ready to be schooled.”

After another week I had most of my strength back, my ankle and head were feeling much better, and I had given up hope that Joel would grace my doorstep. That was until I heard a tentative knock one night after I got ready to go to bed. I was confused as to who it was, because Maria’s knocks were forceful, announcing immediately who it was, and Ellie barely knocked anymore before barging in. When I opened the door I nearly rolled my eyes at the broad frame standing before me.

“What do you want, Joel?” I held onto the door, ready to slam it in his face.

He held his hands up in surrender. “I just want to talk. That’s all.”

I gnawed the inside of my lip, then moved out of the way for him. He wandered inside as if he had never seen my house in his life, so unlike the man who was so sure of where each room was when he led me inside after my injury. I gestured to the couch and sat down, twisting my body to face him as he followed my actions.

“Well?” I asked. “Talk.”

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for everything. For how I’ve treated you, for how I’ve ignored you. Most of all I’m sorry you’re going through this. I should have been the one to open that door, I should have insisted. It’s my fault you’re hurt.”

I shook my head, narrowing my eyes. “Don’t give me that.” His attention snapped to my tone, surprised at my cruelty. “Joel, if you would have opened that door you would have been in the same place as me, if not worse. So don’t give me that.”

“Yeah, but at least it wouldn’t have been you. You don’t deserve to be in pain.”

“Oh?” I scoffed. “And you do?”

He looked away from me, letting his silence speak for him.

“Joel, come on. When are you going to realize that you don’t need to take on everyone’s burdens?” I reached out and placed my hand on his knee, but he still wouldn’t look at me. “You don’t need to repent for your sins, you don’t need to sacrifice yourself for anything. You are not something that needs to be saved or fixed, you are not broken.”

Joel shook his head and stood up, pacing in front of me. He came to a stop and turned to face me. His eyes were glassy, his cheeks flushed, and I wanted to go to him and press my thumb against his trembling bottom lip to keep it still. I didn’t.

“How can you even look at me, (Y/N)?” His voice broke on my name and I could feel my chest ache for him. “After all the things I’ve done. The things you’ve seen me do.”

Images of bloody knuckles, split eyebrows and lips, and Joel’s eyes devoid of emotion entered my head. The sounds of pleading and cries for help clogged my ears until I nearly plugged them. Then the blood that splattered against the wall behind my brother was all I could see, the screaming becoming my own, Joel’s face, his eyes. The realization of what he’d done. I shook my head trying to rid myself of the horror.

“I did things too, Joel. We were trying to survive. You can’t blame yourself.” I looked at my hands, the same ones that killed for our survival alongside him. “I think we’ve lost enough to have made up for it.”

“But you’ve stopped. You stopped all of that well before I did. Fuck, (Y/N), I just put a bullet through every single person who was only trying to save the world, just because of my own gain.” He broke off in a sob, wrapping his arms around himself. “I couldn’t lose her, (Y/N). I couldn’t let them take her. They’ve taken so much, and they weren’t even going to let her choose.”

I stood and went over to him, unwrapping his arms and wrapping my own around him. He hugged me back, cradling my head in one of his hands, and gripped the back of my shirt with his other. His shoulders and chest heaved as he cried, and I held him through it. I wasn’t sure what had happened with him and Ellie, but knew that he would tell me one day when he was comfortable. The best I could do was give him that space, and allow him to work through what he was feeling.

He spoke after calming down. “I just don’t want you being disappointed in what I have to offer.”

“What do you mean?” I pulled back slightly.

He shrugged, but wouldn’t look at me.

“Joel.”

His eyes flashed to mine, a fire burning deep in the pools of them. “I’m working on being a better person, for me, for Tommy, for Ellie, for…” he trailed off, gesturing slightly toward me. “But you shouldn’t be getting yourself attached to a work in progress.”

“I think it might be too late for that,” I lowered my voice as if I was afraid we could be heard outside our private bubble. “Joel, I’ve been trying to forget you all these years, but you keep coming back. I want to let you in but you have to let me, and you can’t just run off whenever you get scared.”

Joel nodded.

“We work through things together, okay?” I rubbed my hands up and down his chest. “We take care of each other. Because we’re in this together, no matter what.”

“Okay,” he said, his voice just above a whisper. “It won’t be perfect, but I want to try my best for you. As long as you’ll have me.”

I chuckled. “I don’t want perfect, I just want you.”

“Can I kiss you?” His hand that was on the back of my head moved lower to cradle my neck, while his other hand still splayed across my lower back. “I’ve wanted to kiss you again since that night, but I didn’t want you to be disappointed when you saw me still there.”

“Joel, I was disappointed that you weren’t there.” I sighed. “When are you going to get it through your head that I actually want you here? That I want you with me?”

He hung his head, but I placed my knuckle under his chin to angle him back up.

“I want you to kiss me, Joel. I want you to take me to bed and have your way with me. I want you to ruin me for anyone else. I want you,” I leaned in, my lips brushing against his, “Joel.”

“Fuck,” he whispered before closing the gap between us.

There was no pain in the back of my mind once I felt that man’s lips on mine. No aches in my head or ankle, no screaming in my ears, no blood splattered behind my eyelids. Everything was just him. Just Joel.

He pulled back and peppered kisses along my jaw, trailing his way to my ear. “Baby, let me take care of you the way I should’ve been all this time.”

I moaned as his teeth nipped at the skin directly under my ear. His hands gripped me closer until I was pressed so tightly to him I thought I would shatter, but felt comfort knowing he’d be there to pick up the pieces.

“Joel, take me to bed, please.” I pulled away from him and reached out for his hand, threading our fingers together.

He followed me to my room and spun me around as soon as we crossed the doorway. I whimpered into his mouth as he pressed our lips together once again, and pulled him closer to me.

Joel pulled away with a gasp, struggling to catch his breath. “Sweetheart, I want to keep going, but are you sure you’re okay?”

I felt his hand brush the back of my head and I nodded. “Yes, Joel, I promise I’m okay.” I held his face between my hands, forcing his eyes to meet mine. “You won’t hurt me. It’s okay. Don’t hold back.”

His eyes flitted down to my lips, then off to the side.

“Joel, look at me,” I demanded. His eyes snapped to mine, the hunger renewed within them. “Don’t hold back. I want to feel everything.”

“Strip,” he growled, stepping back to give me space. “Then get on the bed.”

I nearly ripped my clothes off, too impatient to make the act look good for him, and climbed onto the bed. When I turned to face him he was already naked, stroking his cock slowly while pinning me in place with his gaze. My lips fell open at the sight of him, completely at ease, yet ready to tear me apart. I let my legs widen and his eyes traveled down between them, where my core was clenching around nothing.

Joel walked forward, getting ready to kneel down but I closed my legs, making him pause his actions.

“I need you, all of you, right now.”

He chuckled. “But I need to get you ready for me, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Please, I need it,” I whined. “I need all of you. I want to feel every last inch of your cock, Joel.”

“Fuck, sweetheart.” He crawled onto the bed and sat back on his knees, lining himself up with my entrance.

“Don’t hold back,” I reminded him again.

He bottomed out in one thrust, and my head was thrown back involuntarily. The sound that ripped from my throat was unrecognizable, a guttural moan that broke off into a whine as he slowly pulled back out. He slammed his hips into me again with a grunt, and continued at that pace. Hard thrusts and slow drags of his cock, though he never fully pulled out. The tip of his cock was always left in, keeping our bodies connected, along with the bruising grip he kept on my hips.

My head was still thrown back on my pillow until I felt him lean forward just enough to grab a handful of my hair on the very top. He pulled my head up so I could look at him, and I whimpered as he continued his punishing pace.

“There you go, baby, just like that,” he cooed while circling my clit with his fingers, his other hand tightening its grip on my roots. “Just like that, you’re such a good girl for me.”

My orgasm was coming on almost too fast for me to wrap my head around. His fingers danced over my swollen bud as I nearly screamed his name over and over until I came. The waves of my pleasure rolling over me, dragging me under, his voice the only thing bringing me back to the surface.

“There you go, fuck, baby. Look at you, so beautiful, so good for me,” he babbled, his voice rumbling through my veins. “Turn over baby, I wanna cum all over you.”

My limbs felt liquified as he helped me turn over onto my belly. I didn’t dare try to hold myself up and stayed laying flat between his legs. He reached over me, his cock nestled against my ass while he grabbed a pillow. I lifted my hips up enough for him to wedge the pillow under my hips, keeping me in the right position for him.

“Look at this pretty pussy,” he drawled. “She’s all mine, so wet and ready, all for me.”

He spread my ass and I blushed at being fully revealed to him, then almost laughed at the absurdity of that. I moaned when I felt his tip nudge at my entrance, then moaned again when he pushed in until he was snug against me.

“Fuck, baby, I’m not gonna last long,” he said.

My walls were so sensitive as he continued the same as he did before, slamming his hips flush against my ass, making sure I could feel every part of him when he pulled out slowly. I could barely make a sound, my entire body felt like it was on fire.

Joel moved forward so one hand held him up over me, his other hand slid into my hair, pulling my head up so I could watch him. He pressed his lips to my shoulder, his eyes burning into mine, and our bodies flushed together so tight he was barely pulling out of me.

“S-so deep, Joel,” I stuttered out, his body pressing me into the mattress as he continued pushing in and in and in.

“I know, baby, I know,” he panted against my shoulder blade, then leaned forward to bite along my back. “I’m almost there, so fucking close.”

“I need it, Joel, I need you.” I was ready to pass out, feeling so overwhelmed by him, but I didn’t want him to stop.

His hips stuttered, and he sat back up so he could fully pull out. I groaned at the empty feeling, wiggling my hips in search of him. His hand came down onto my ass and I yelped, then sighed as I felt the first spurts of his cum on the sensitive skin.

“Fuck, baby, fuck,” he grunted, fucking his fist through his orgasm. “You look so good like this.”

“All for you,” I mumbled, feeling my eyelids shut.

He finished, breathing heavily behind me, and I waited for him to find something to clean me up, only to feel his hands stroking my ass. His finger ran through the cum rolling down my skin and slid down to my clit, making me jolt with the sensitivity.

“Oh, baby, look at you. Sensitive?” He asked, even though he knew the answer. Asshole. “Think you can give me one more?”

I whined as his fingers slipped around my clit, mixing our cum together.

“I think you can take it, sweetheart, come on.”

It didn’t take long, my orgasm ripped through me with just a few more circles from his fingers. I shuddered under him, my limbs trembling after I came back down. He moved to the bathroom to get a cloth and some water, then wiped it over my skin, cleaning himself off of me. I was still in awe at the gentle swipe of his hands over the most sensitive parts of my body, especially after remembering the brutality in how he handled any weapon.

He laid down next to me when he was done and pulled me over so I was snuggled up to his side. I looked at his body, and traced my fingers along the scars both old and new. I hadn’t realized that one of his scars was quite fresh the last time I had seen him like that, and hovered over it before moving on. I knew he would tell me when he was ready.

My eyes landed between his legs when he shifted slightly. “Hard again? Already?” He nodded and then hissed as I traced my finger over his velvet skin. “I’m surprised you can still get it up at all, old man.”

He laughed, the sound like music to my ears. “Oh, darlin’, for you? I don’t think I could ever stop.”

I smiled and tilted my head up to kiss him.

We fell asleep embracing each other, with the promise of continuing in the morning unspoken between us. When we did wake up halfway through the night in each others arms it was easy for him to roll me onto my back so he could fuck me again.

Only that time it was slow. He held me close and whispered every promise into my ear, while he took his time unraveling me. My thighs ached but I still held him in between them while I came, his name falling from my lips. He came not too far behind me, and then kissed my forehead, leaving his lips pressed there for a moment.

I fell asleep again that night in his arms, and woke up alone. Again.

I sat up, my heart breaking, only to hear the bathroom door close from the hallway. Joel came striding in while pulling a t-shirt on, his cock already straining against the fabric of his underwear.

He paused once his shirt was on and he realized I was awake. “Mornin’ sleepyhead. I was thinking of making breakfast, eggs, toast, all that good stuff. How does that sound?”

I watched his smile slide onto his face so easily and couldn’t help but mirror it. “That sounds perfect, Joel.”

He turned and walked toward the kitchen. I wondered for a moment how long he would stay, but I shook the thought out of my head. I threw on some clothes and went to join him. The sight of his broad back almost completely shielding my view of the stove had my heart soaring, and when I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his middle he started humming.

He turned slightly and kissed the top of my head. My smile was so big I thought my face would crack in half, and when I looked up into his eyes I knew he wasn’t going anywhere.

[cynicalone94]

Leave Me Alone

**Trigger warning for discussion of past child abuse**

Voight scans the crime scene.

The murder of a witness is a big deal and the DA’s office is begging them to figure out who killed him. And fast.

“Halstead, Upton talk to the widow.” he orders. “Burgess, -”

“Sarge.”

He freezes at the quiet interruption from his lead detective, turning to the man with a raised eyebrow.

“I can’t interview her.” Halstead says, staring past him to the woman standing with a pair of patrol officers.

“You wanna tell me why?”

“I can’t..” Halstead shakes his head, a sheen of sweat covering his forehead. “I can’t.”

He turns and races toward the truck. Voight nods for his partner to check on him and then returns his attention to the scene.

After assigning out tasks, he heads over to talk to the widow himself.

Jay Halstead doesn’t scare easily and he wants to know what this woman had done to his kid.

Jay hears Hailey climb up into the passenger seat of the truck as he sits there, staring at the dashboard and trying to will the past to go back to where it belongs.

He’d never expected to see Katie Springer again.

Now he can’t contain the panicked memories of the past, of some of his earliest trauma, faced when he was still too young to have any defenses built up.

“Jay?” Hailey says quietly. “Are you okay.”

He just shakes his head.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

No.

“Is there anything that I should tell Voight about her? For the case?”

He shrugs.

The last time he’d even heard her name, he’d been eight years old. He hasn’t exactly kept up on her life.

“Jay? Who is she?”

“Leave me alone.” he begs. “Please. Just leave it alone.”

“Okay.” she says. “What do you need?”

“Can we just… get back to work?” he says after a long moment and she nods.

“I’ll check with Voight and see where he wants us.” she says, brushing her hand over his shoulder.

He flinches away from her and she grits her teeth.

Voight needs to keep her away the grieving widow too.

Complicated as it is by the fact that neither detective on the team will even look at their victim’s widow, they solve the case.

They’re able to tie the man’s death to the man that he’d been scheduled to testify against, making the DA’s office very happy.

The only remaining question is what do they do about Katherine Wellman?

Voight calls Hailey into his office to discuss it.

“He won’t talk to me.” she says, twisting her hands. “Anytime I try to ask him what the deal is he just shuts down, begs me to leave him alone. I don’t like it Voight.”

“I don’t either.” he says, shaking his head. “But he isn’t the only one who knows what happened. And now that the case is closed, I can ask her about it.”

Hailey agrees to the plan and an hour later, they’re sitting in the Wellman living room.

“I wondered how long it would take you to ask me.” Katherine says with a wry smile. “I didn’t recognize him at first. It’s been almost thirty years.”

“You want to tell me what happened?” Voight presses.

“I was a bitch.” she says. “I was fourteen years old and so selfish. So stupid.”

Voight doesn’t say anything.

She is ready to talk and doesn’t need any more prompting.

“Jay was practically a baby when his mom got sick. Just five years old. My mom was friends with Eileen and she knew they needed help. Eileen spent so much time in the hospital and in for treatments. And they couldn’t afford for Patrick to take time off work to stay with the boys or to pay for a sitter. They were drowning in hospital bills. So my mom volunteered me.”

“Without talking to you?” Voight questions.

“I was dating an older guy.” Katherine says. “Mom didn’t like him and wanted me to stay away from him. So I got volunteered to babysit a five and eight year old for free. It wasn’t so bad. I picked the boys up and walked them home from school. Then I did my homework while they played in their rooms, fed them dinner and then got them into bed.”

“When you wanted to be somewhere else?” Hailey asks.

“Yeah.” Katherine agrees. “But that wasn’t the worst of it. Jay… his mom had had to take him with her to one of her appointments because she didn’t have any choice. And he… saw something. I never knew what it was other than that he’d slipped away from the nurse who’d offered to watch him and that he hadn’t stopped crying for days afterward.”

“Babysitting a traumatized little boy is a lot for a fourteen year old.” Voight says.

“Don’t.. pity me.” Katherine says, shaking her head. “I should have told an adult that I was overwhelmed. Instead I… I complained to my boyfriend. I whined endlessly about how hard it was to have him waking up crying every single night. How hard it was for me.”

“And he had a solution?”

“Oscar was a jerk.” Katherine says. “But he was older and he was interested in me and I thought he was hot. When he suggested gagging Jay when I tucked him into bed I told him I wasn’t going to do that. But over the next week or so he kept suggesting it and Jay kept waking up crying. And I was losing hours of sleep every night trying to calm him down and get him back to sleep and I was exhausted so one night I… I tied one of the scarves that his mom kept around the house to cover up the hair loss in his mouth and told him he had to leave it there so he wouldn’t wake Will up anymore.”

“And then you kept doing it?” Hailey asks.

She’s trying hard to keep the sympathetic tone in her voice but it’s obvious that, as the details of what this woman had done to her partner are starting to unfold, anger is beginning to take over.

“Not every night, not at first.” Katherine says. “But once I’d done it once it got easier. And when I didn’t for a few days the lack of sleep would make me cranky, angry. It had been about a week that I hadn’t before the first time that he took it off. I woke up to him crying and I was confused because I knew I’d gagged him and I… when I went into his room he was crying. Said that he didn’t feel well and it had gotten hard to breathe. But I was tired and a selfish bitch so I tied the scarf back in his mouth and used a second one to tie his hands so he couldn’t take it out again. And then I went back to sleep.”

Katherine is crying now but Hailey is having a hard time finding any sympathy for her.

She’d tied up a crying, sick five year old and then left him to face his nightmares alone.

“That went on for a couple of months.” Katherine says. “And then one night Oscar showed up after I put the kids to bed. I thought he wanted to spend some time with me but he was more interested in Jay. And he… he started burning him with a cigar. I begged him to stop but he wouldn’t. I grabbed my phone to call… I don’t know, the police or my mom. That’s when Oscar told me that if I told anyone he would tell them what I’d done. That he’d say that it was me who burned him.”

“So you let him keep doing it.” Voight concludes, face steely.

“Yes.” Katherine admits. “For weeks. He would burn him and cut him and Jay would just cry the whole time. Until… one night he didn’t. He just laid there and didn’t make a sound the entire time. I called the police in the morning.”

“Did they know what you did?” Hailey asks.

“I admitted to everything.” she insists. “I got a deal in exchange for testifying against Oscar. It was expunged after I turned eighteen and there were no other charges but I… I know how badly I screwed up. Pat and Eileen trusted me with the most important things in their lives and I treated one of them with completely unforgivable cruelty.”

“Did you ever do anything to Will?” Voight asks.

“No.” she says. “He… he never cried or even woke up in the night. I don’t think he even knows what I did. I saw him at a church thing a few months later and he asked why I wasn’t watching them anymore. I didn’t even get the chance to answer him before Eileen showed up. And the look she gave me. I didn’t know it was possible to feel more guilty than I did then. Until I saw Jay the other day. Until I realized who he was and why he was looking at me that way.”

Hailey just raises an eyebrow as the woman looks at her.

“I’ll never be able to make up for what I did.” Katherine says. “I was stupid, selfish, immature and I will never forgive myself. I don’t expect you too either. That’s not why I’ve told you about what happened. I know how much seeing me again must have hurt him. He needs someone and you need to know what you’re helping him with.”

Hailey has heard enough.

She doesn’t know if she buys the woman’s remorse but she is right about one thing.

Her partner needs her.

Jay’s been a detective too long to not know the second he opens the door that Hailey knows everything.

“Come in.” he says, stepping back.

Hailey heads for his kitchen, wasting no time arranging their usual glasses of whiskey.

“How much do you know?” he asks, picking up his glass.

“Voight and I talked to Katherine.” Hailey tells him. “She told us everything she did to you and everything she let her boyfriend do to you.”

He nods, taking a gulp of the whiskey.

“I’m sorry, Jay.” she says, using holding her own glass to keep from reaching out for him.

“It was a long time ago.” he says.

“You were five.” Hailey says. “And you trusted her.”

“She was pretty cool.” Jay says, looking up at her. “She used to play with me at church functions when I was like two or three. Some of my earliest memories are of my mom talking to someone and she’d come over and play peek-a-boo. I was pretty excited mom told us that she was going to be watching us.”

Hailey’s stomach clenches. That knowledge only makes things worse.

“I thought she was actually trying to help me at first.” he admits. “I didn’t understand how but I… I thought she was my friend.”

“Why not say something when you realized?” she asks gently.

“Mom and dad needed her.” he says. “They couldn’t afford to pay someone to watch us. I’d heard mom say that Katie was a godsend. I knew that Will was losing sleep. And I heard Katie crying a couple times. I knew how tired she was, how hard my nightmares were on her.”

“You blamed yourself.” Hailey fills in.

“I was enough trouble.” Jay says. “For everyone. I didn’t want to be any more.”

“Oh Jay.” Hailey says, setting down her glass and stepping toward him.

“I know it’s not true now.” he says as she reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder. “But back then it felt like I just needed to shut my mouth.”

With a sob, Hailey pulls her partner into a tight hug.

“I’m not going to insult you by pretending you’re never any trouble.” she whispers. “There isn’t a person alive that doesn’t cause trouble from time to time and we both know that. But you are worth every bit of it, you hear me? You are worth everything.”

He hugs her back, letting his face rest against her shoulder.

[6-atlas-6]

hi! this is in regards to your post where you asked to be given a genuine canon explanation for why alexis deserves to be defended at all. none of this is meant as a personal attack on you - if it comes off that way, i’m really sorry.

so, first off, the drama around alexis is really only half in canon. the issue i and other people have with alexis hate is that most of the time it tilts significantly towards misogyny, with such points being made as ‘it’s not misogynistic to call alexis a bitch. she was.’ obviously this one is problematic because it’s misogynistic to call ANY woman a bitch no matter what they’ve done (especially a fictional character who hasn’t… actually done anything to hurt you). she very rarely receives the same treatment as other ‘villains’ - nobody is really out and about in the tag going ‘what quinn/blake/ivan did is bad and therefore if you don’t hate them you too are bad and a bad person in real life’ which is another reason hate towards her sort of raises my eyebrows as i’ve come to expect misogynistic spiel. (…and blatant sexual objectification, but that’s a whole other post).

you’re fully permitted to dislike alexis! i can understand why you would, she did something bad that hurt sam and it makes sense to dislike her. however, it’s also allowed to look at her actions from another frame (e.g. looking at blake as first the guy who kept sunshine in a basement and then the guy who’s desperately trying to save bestie’s life). alexis’ actions can’t be excused, no matter what, but they can be explained and understood!

so here’s the in-canon part.

it’s been fifteen years since alexis turned sam. fifteen years is a significant length of time, during which an individual can change! a lot. i would personally hope alexis has learned from her actions, and is maybe getting some sort of help. i don’t personally believe the argument that apologising is always best. sometimes just staying out of the lives of the people you’ve hurt is the best route, which is as we know the one alexis took. maybe she’s changed. we don’t know! we don’t know that she’s changed but also we don’t know that she’s still the same. we just don’t know.

answering your question as to why she deserves to be defended; very little alexis ‘defence’ excuses what she did to sam. most of it is reframing what she did in an effort to understand her actions, as i said earlier (most alexis defence is actually against the way the fandom treats her). in the end, alexis is a fictional character and can be treated the way any other fictional character can, loved or hated. loving or hating her has no real impact on a person’s morality. if her actions upset you, that’s fine! they were wrong and they could be distressing. but they’re no different to anyone else in the redactedverse’s bad actions (that sounds so childish i’m sorry) and people are fully allowed to approach them however they’d like.

i hope this helps, if it was too wordsy i am SO sorry

^^ If anybody was wondering, this is the specific person I was talking about in that post. They actually did a really good job of explaining it to me, so I would take time to read it!

[tatakaebomb]

Compensate

ꕥ Pairing : ex-bf!Eren x Reader

ꕥ Synopsis : Negotiations with your horny ex boyfriend goes just as well as you’d expect them to.

ꕥ Word count : 1.5k

ꕥ TW : smut, ex fucking lol, toxic relationship, hair pulling, oral, blowjob, hate sex, degradation, vulgar language, explicit, slight praise, slight corruption, spanking, non con (?), dub con, face fucking, creampie, doggy, dom/sub, implied cheating, exhibitionism, blackmail (?), big dick Eren, cervix fucking, 18+

“Looks like your engine’s busted”

“Again?”

You stare at the man in front of you, your eyes glued to his green ones as he nods apathetically.

“Eren, you fixed it last week how-“

“It’s not my fault you drive an old piece of shit”

You grit your teeth, the mere sight of him grinning at your misfortune really ticks something off.

Eren Yeager, even though he’s your asshole of an ex, you somehow always find your way crawling back to him for help. He knows your financial situation more than anyway, so you at least expected him to understand what your deep sigh meant.

He crosses his arms, his lean body leaning on the side of your car’s front door.

“Can’t do you for any less than 400$, you don’t get special treatment”

He taps at the hood, looking up at you through his eyelashes. He was your ex for a reason for sure, besides all the scandals and shit he caused you with everyone you knew, he also really knew how to bring the worse out in you.

He’d be the one at fault and you’d always still find yourself kneeling down in front of him, lips wrapped around the tip of his long cock as you choked out for forgiveness.

He was a pretty boy for sure, his long brown hair and green eyes was what attracted you to him in the first place, not to mention the way he’d fuck you dumb enough you wouldn’t be able walk for a few days straight.

It was just too bad his personality didn’t match the size of his cock and his looks.

He knew the power he held over you, not only in bed but also in your day to day life, and thats why he enjoyed seeing your tears well up in the corner of your eyes when he d push your head all the way down his cock, finishing down your throat and making you swallow every last drop.

“Eren, you know i don’t have that kind of money, can’t you just let me off this once? You’re the only repair man near by” You put your hands together in a pleading motion.

He narrows his eyes, scoffing at the fact you were begging him to let you off even though he wasted even more money and time just to drive all the way to your place. Only for you to do this.

“Not my problem, find someone else to fix your shit if you don’t like my prices” He mutters before turning his gaze away from yours, his body turning away towards the button to open your garage door.

You near him and tug on his shirt, making him raise an eyebrow and turn back around.

“Please, i’ll get you the money by next week i promise jus-“ You freeze as he places his index and middle finger under your chin, lifting your head up so his emerald green eyes bore into yours.

You scan his features through your blurry eyes, the way the corner of his mouth turns to a smirk speaks to you exactly what he had in mind. Your heart begins to beat faster as the tension grows, the silence almost suffocating you before he finally breaks it.

“I’ll do it for free if you put that pretty mouth to use”

He says in a low tone as he swipes his thumb over your bottom lip. You hesitantly shake your head and pull away, crossing your arms.

“F-Fuck you, i’m never doing that again” You spit out, your cheeks beginning to flush red at his offering.

He raises his shoulders then drops them,

“It’s not like it would be anything new to you, after all you used to do it without me even having to ask” He lets out a chuckle before continuing,

“But suit yourself-”

“I’ll do it” You blurt out, making him raise his eyebrows and bring his body closer to yours, intimidating you as his tall body towers over you.

“Do what?” He licks his lips, watching you slowly lower yourself on your knees for him again.

“I-I’ll suck you off” You stutter, raising your arms to fumble with the buckle of his belt before he slaps them away.

“It’s your choice” He says, looking down at you resuming your work, flustered expression plastered on your face as you lower his pants and briefs, his large cock spring up in front of you, the tip leaking with precum.

“As if i really have a choice” You quietly say before licking a stripe up from the base of his veiny length to the tip, earning a quiet gasp for him.

Eren tangles a hand in your hair, mouth drooling as he watches you wrap a hand around the base and swirl your tongue around his tip, teasing him and only lowering your head a few inches before pulling off, spit trailing down your chin.

“I still fucking hate you” You giggle, innocently gazing up into his eyes before violently being pushed all the way down his cock, making you gag and choke.

“Don’t worry, i hate you too” He says between groans, eyes shutting and head tilting back as you begin to bob up and down, his hips thrusting up into your mouth to meet your pace.

You never once break eye contact with him, taking in every groan and curse escape his lips as you begin going faster, feeling his dick twitch at the back of your throat.

“Fuck Y/N, i forgot how - good you were at this”

Your cunt throbs hearing him groan your name, your eyelashes fluttering up as he places both hands on your head and begins to face fuck you, gags and chokes coming out of your throat as you feel your spit run down your chin.

Your eyes rolling back is what did if for him, throwing his head back as spurts of cum shoot down your throat. He quickly takes his dick out and looks down, watching you swallow before lolling out your tongue with a grin.

“You nasty bitch” He shakes his head and smiles, panting as he pulls you up by your hair, wrapping his hand firmly around your neck and roughly pulling you in for a long kiss.

Your tongues swirl around each others, a surprised gasp leaving your lips as he pulls away and swiftly bends you down over the hood of your car.

He pins your arms behind your back with one hand, quickly lowering your leggings with the other as both of you continue to pant.

“ I don’t remember this being part of the deal, Eren” You cockily say, turning your head to look back at him. You let out a loud moan and shut your eyes tightly when his hand hits your bare ass, leaving a red imprint.

“Shut the fuck up”

You feel him push your panties to the side, making you bite your lip as you wiggle your ass back.

He glides his tip up and down your glistening folds, making you let out desperate whines at his teasing.

“Fuck, you’re dripping” He pushes the tip inside, making you arch your back, propping your hands down as he pulls you up, his two fingers finding their way inside your mouth.

“That new boyfriend of yours ain’t fuckin you right, huh?” He growls into your ear, hips snapping to yours knocking the air out of you.

He gives you no time to adjust before he starts pounding inside you, his balls smacking your ass with every thrust making you bite down on his fingers, waiting for the pain to wear off.

True enough, ever since you broke up a few months back no man ever managed to fill you up like him, his tip bruising your cervix and stroking against your g spot with every stroke. You’ve never took someone as big as him.

“Answer me, you fucking whore” He smacks your ass again, making your voice break from the loud moans and curses that have been leaving your lips.

“Noo-ne fucks like you- shit” you tighten down on him, mind beginning to go blank as you feel your stomach begin to curl.

“Mm yeah? Noone fucks this pussy like me?” He coos, dropping his wet fingers from your mouth to your clit, pinching and running circles roughly on it, his cock angled perfectly to hit your g spot.

“Yes YES- E-Eren g’nna cum”

“Cum for me - fuck- you fucking slut”

Curses leave your lips as your legs shake,feeling like they are going to give out. Your fingers curl as you let yourself go at his words, coming undone all over his cock.

He groans at you tightening down on him, his strokes becoming sloppier as he nears his orgasm.

He snaps his hips a few more times to yours, throwing his head back as he finally curses your name under his breath, giving you no warning and making your eyes widen as you feel him paint the inside of your walls white with his cum.

He plops down on top of you, his dick still resting inside, the both of you panting.

“Missed you, asshole” You mumble, shivering and smiling to yourself when you feel his lips press on your back,

“Missed you too”

[bangtaninborderland]

Risk it all (11)- Aftermath.

Genre: Chishiya X F!reader, angst, fluff, action.

Warning: treatment of wounds (nothing too extreme)

A/N: this was a really really long chapter it took me 3 hours to write this. I have been planning the next three chapters and trust me they will be AMAZING. I rewrote this chapter because when I reread it I felt like I didn’t feel it was perfect and when I spoke to a few readers on here and on wattpad they agreed.. Let me know your opinions because I value them so much!

Ch.10| Masterlist | Ch.12

You let out a small groan as your eyes fluttered open. Your body ached and the sun was too bright.

Although the thought of never moving out of bed was appealing you knew that the overwhelming urge to pee wasn’t going to disappear any time soon.

You managed to stumble across the room before your legs collapsed beneath you, you let out a small yelp as your arms hit the floor instinctively trying to defend your face.

After a few minuets you pulled yourself up onto the bed and leant on the wall to help guide yourself to the restroom.

You wanted to cry out of frustration when you heard the door knocking. You rushed as quickly as you could to the door, falling a few times when you had nothing to lean on.

You was shocked to see Chishiya standing there. You turned around and stumbled back to the bed, barely stopping yourself from falling over in agony.

The door closed and the room fell silent, you felt a familiar wetness on your back and you cringed at the thought of Chishiya seeing it.

“What’s that?” He asks, his voice cold.

You pulled the covers over you and turned to the window, avoiding his gaze.

“I got hurt yesterday. The game was intense, I had to sit on needles.” You mumble.

“You should clean it.” He said, sitting next to you.

You shook your head no and he stood up letting out an annoyed breath.

“Don’t be stupid it could get infected.”

You rolled your eyes at him, although he was right you needed help and you didn’t want to ask him. “I’ll get Kuina to help me, I can’t reach my back.”

Before you could say anything further Chishiya walked out of the room. You say there dumbfounded however you was surprised when he walked back in.

“What’s that?” You ask warily pointing to the bottle he had in his hand.

“It’s cleaning alcohol and dressing. Do you really not know what anything is?” You could hear the annoyance in his voice and knew it would get you no where to explain why you didn’t do anything about it.

“What happened with Niragi?” You practically whispered the words.

You watched as he shrugged his shoulders as he placed the bottle onto the table.

“Kuina told me otherwise. She said that you was able to complete it without dropping it yet you did anyway.” You explained.

He scoffed and you felt him breathe a laugh. “No.“

He turned to leave and you dared to ask him for his help. “Chishiya do you think you could help me do my back? I don’t know when Kuina will be here next and it hurts.”

He groans but turns back towards you. “Hurry up I haven’t got all day.”

You turned away from him and he lifted your shirt.

You wanted to scream as he began to clean your back but instead you just bit down on your lip.

The stinging subsided once he began to place bandages around your back.

He seemed to know exactly what he was doing and you dared to ask him about his personal life. “What did you do before here?”

He paused for a moment and looked at you, he raised one eyebrow before smirking. “Nothing really.”

“I was a writer.” you mumble back slightly disappointed that he didn’t want to talk to you.

He didn’t say anything else as he finished placing the bandages across your back. “They aren’t too bad. They will heal in a few days maybe a week. Take these.”

You look over and he hands you a box of painkillers. You raise your eyebrows at him waiting for further instruction.

He lets out a deep breath. “ Not all at once. Take three every 2 hours and take them for a week. Don’t take no more than 12 in a day.”

You watched as he walked over the the desk and pulled out a few books and magazines and two bottles of water. He placed them on the bed and handed you a book.

“I suggest this.”

You took the book from his hand and smiled at him. He nodded and began walking towards the door, you watched as he opened it.

You wanted to run after him but you couldn’t.

“Chishiya wait!” You shouted, his head appeared around the door, his brows eyes looking into yours.

“Thankyou, for taking care of me.” You wanted to beg him to stay but you knew he wouldn’t.

He hummed and walked out of the door. The room felt lonely without him but instead of being sad you decided to read the book he has suggested.

The final 3

You laughed at the ironic name. You thought about Kuina and Chishiya, with you there it made 3. Maybe it would some way resemble the way Chishiya see us.

You laughed once again and shook your head flicking to the first page.

You didn’t get past chapter 2 before you fell asleep, the painkillers Chishiya had given you were much stronger than the ones Kuina had. When you woke up the sun had gone down and the stars were shining.

You heard a faint knocking at your door and you hoped it was chishiya but instead you was met with Ann’s voice. You felt bad for being disappointed but Chishiya was the only one you wanted to be with.

“Come in.” You shouted.

It was much easier to sit up now your back was covered. You watched as Ann walked into your room followed by Tatta. You was surprised to see them both.

Ann sat on the bed and Tatta in the chair next to the desk. You noticed that his hand was wrapped up and his lip looked as if it had been chopped off.

Ann’s hands had been bandaged and she was wearing latex gloves.

“From the game?” You ask gesturing towards their hands.

Ann answered first looking down at her hands. “Yes. The ice wasn’t too bad for the first few minuets but after a while it became unbearable, I could feel my skin blistering. You’d think the ice would numb it but it just made it hurt more.”

You wanted to hug her. Ann never seem to be one to be afraid but she looked hurt, not physically but emotionally.

“Tatta what about you?” You mumbled.

He held up his hand and groaned. “Don’t remind me, Ann said I broke at least two fingers. I ended up nearly biting my lip off, it was hard to keep quiet when the hammer hit my fingers.”

You winced at the thought of having bones broken by your own hand.

You gave them both an apologetic look.

You turned your attention to Ann when she started speaking again. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, just a little bruised.” You lied wanting to seem strong.

Ann let out a breath before shaking her head. “We wanted to Thank you. We all heard the screaming, I see the chair you had to sit in, there’s no way i would have been able to survive what you did. And if you didn’t let yourself be tortured we all would have died.”

You smiled at her compliment. “You could have, you’re strong. Tatta on the other hand maybe not so much.”

You and Ann looked towards Tatta and the three of you began laughing.

“You know something?” You breathe out in between laughs.

“What?” Ann responded taking deep breaths to calm her laughter.

“Although this place is filled with death and trust isn’t something that could easily be gained I hope that we get to be friends when we get out of here. You guys, Kuina, Chishiya. The militants can stay here all by themselves and fight amongst the cards. But We will get out. I wouldn’t have gotten through that game if I didn’t have you two, no one else will die in a game because of me or for me. I promise you that. People here aren’t forgettable.” You felt a small tear trickle down your face and Ann approaches you. She places her hand on top of yours and smiles.you squeeze her hand back before turning to Tatta.

“You too you know!” You smile at him and he smiles back. You see him mouth the words Thankyou before he stands up and walks towards the door.

“You’re leaving already?” Ann widens her eyes and nods towards me.

“What?” You mumble.

Tatta stood there and stared at Ann, eventually Ann sighed and shooed him away. You watched as the door closed behind him.

“On the way here I see Niragi, he wasn’t happy and he seems to have all of his anger directed at you. It didn’t seem like Aguni had much control over him.” She gave you a wary look before standing up.

“Do you know why?” You mumble.

“I don’t but all I know is it has something to do with his game. Hatter wants to see me at 8 so I have to go but be careful, I doubt he would go out of his way to find you but things could get unpleasant if he sees you and I don’t think you would have much chance escaping in your condition.” She gives your hand another squeeze before standing up and opening the door.

“Thankyou for coming to see me Ann.” You smile at her and her slender body disappears behind the door.

You truly liked Ann, she was a beautiful independent woman, she was much like Kuina there. She also had a calmness to her that made everything seem okay. She was rational she had fear.

You began to try and stand up to wash your face but before you could Kuina rushed in the door. She rushed to your side and put your arm over her shoulders, the same way she did last night.

You sign. “You know I feel so useless Kuina.”

She helps you walk to the restroom and as you go to close the door her hand stops you.

“Hey!” She raises her voice and you look towards her confused.

“What’s wrong?” You mumble afraid you have offended her.

“You don’t ever say you are useless, 5 others made it out of your game last night because you tortured yourself to get a code. I spoke to Ann and she told me what the game was like so don’t ever say you are useless. Besides helping you reminds me of my mom.”

You smile at her. “If I could hug you right now I could, Thankyou Kuina. You’re like my best friend.”

She made a shocked face “Like! Just like! Unbelievable. Next time tell Chishiya to tell your actual best friend to come here and check on you.”

You laughed at her joke and washed your face. Now maybe it was the painkillers or maybe it was that Kuina always had a way of making you feel unbelievably happy but it took you a while to process what she said.

“Kuina!” You scream and she runs into the restroom.

She rolls her eyes and hands you a towel. “You nearly gave me a heart attack what is it?”

You laugh at her reaction but your face drops to a more serious look when you began to ask her. “Did Chishiya send you here?”

She lets out a big sigh “Not completely, he mentioned that he heard you wasn’t able to walk alone and that it would be a shame if you fell and cracked your head open but it didn’t matter if you did or not.”

She sits you on the bed and walks over to the books on your bed before continuing holding up one of the books. “However, I see he has already been here.”

“What do you mean, how did you know?” You tilt your head in confusion.

“This book is Chishiyas, the first night at the beach we had a game together, he told me about his plan that night, we went for a walk after the game and it took hours but he wouldn’t stop searching until he found this. It’s his favourite. He reread it like every time he had a game. He wouldn’t even let me touch it I’m surprised he give it to you.” She raised her eyebrows throwing the book back onto the bed before sitting down.

“That makes sense.” You mutter.

“What do you mean?” She frowned.

“I didn’t recognise the book. I looked over the books and magazines in my room when I got here but that wasn’t there.” You smiled reminiscing about todays events.

Suddenly your belly grumbled and you and Kuina laughed. “Have you ate?”

You shook your head no and she stands up. “I’m going to get us some food, don’t go anywhere.”

You throw a pillow at her as she closes the door, you chuckle to yourself thinking about how Kuina was terrible at jokes.

You pick up the book you now know to be Chishiyas and run your fingers along it. If he really didn’t care about you than why would he give you his favourite book. Why would he share something he cared about so much.

Before you could think too hard Kuina came back with two plates filled with food. Although the beach’s food wasn’t the finest cuisine you was definitely grateful to have it.

You both sat in silence as you had dinner, considering how hungry you was you didn’t eat much and neither did Kuina.

When she disappeared to take the plates downstairs she came back with her beauty box.

“Again?” You laughed at her gesturing towards the box.

“You had a bad day. I will paint your nails again.” She say beside you and gently held your hand up.

You smiled watching her, as much as you loved your sister you never was able to do these things. You loved your sister despite her disability she was truly your best friend, you never imagined your life without her. It’s never been easy without your sister but Kuina made it a little less hard.

“What are you thinking about?” She hummed covering your nails in the black polish she had proudly chosen.

“How you help ease the pain of my sister.” You respond honestly.

She looks up towards you and a beaming smile grows across her face.

“You are my family.” She gives your hand a reassuring squeeze before returning to your nails.

“Did you know Niragi thinks im to blame for Chishiya hurting him?” You ask curiously.

“You are.” Kuina laughs.

“Hey that’s not fair, I didn’t make Chishiya use his fingers as a trampoline for a weight. Now I have crazy gun guy after me.” You give her a half laugh.

You wasn’t too worried about Niragi but the hun did scare you.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Chishiya would break a few more of his fingers if he touched you again.” She looked up at you through her eyelashes and you laughed at her.

“I wish.” You mutter under your breath.

“What are you going to do tonight?” She mumbles back as she blows on your nails helping them dry.

“Nothing, I’ll sit here and read I have to take more painkillers I should have taken them hours ago but I forgot.” You groan remembering Chishiyas words.

Kuina hops off the bed and hands you a water bottle and the packet of pills. You take three and hand the bottle back to her.

“Thankyou.” You smile.

She makes a sound of approval before sitting backdown beside you. You look over at the nails and she looks at your face.

“You don’t like them?” She asks worried.

You make an overdramatic sigh before laughing “I love them. Thankyou Kuina, truly Thankyou.”

She hums to herself for a while and you watch the night sky.

“Kuina can I ask you for something ?” You hesitantly ask.

She nods her head. “As long as it’s not my favourite bikini than anything .”

“Do you think you can help me up to the roof? I really want some fresh air and I miss seeing the stars I’ve been inside all day.”

You watch her face and she doesn’t seem to mind the ask, she nods her head. “Sure let’s go.”

It is a little easier for you to get out of bed now the painkillers have been working and your wounds are no longer exposed. Resting all day seems to have help you gain some strength and you don’t have to lean on Kuina as much.

You hide a smirk and Kuina smiles

The walk to the roof was quiet, a few times you and Kuina nearly fell but you both laughed.

Getting up the stairs was hard and a few times you wanted to scream but you knew if you did Kuina would take you back to the room and you couldn’t handle another second trapped in there.

Once you reach the top you let out a huge sigh of relief and Kuina seems to notice this as she raises an eyebrow at you.

“Are you sure you’re okay out here?” She asks concerned.

“Yes” You smile at her and she shakes her head as she turns to open the door.

The breeze hit you but you welcomed the feeling of the cool air on your skin and the fresh feeling within your lungs.

Kuina helped you to the edge of the building and you sat down. Before she could sit the door opened and you both turned to see who it was.

You felt a wave of excitement rush over you as Chishiya walked onto the roof.

He sat beside you and you gave Kuina a knowing look. She smiled at you and nodded before leaving the roof.

You stared at the stars a while just enjoying Chishiyas company however your mind fills with questions, questions you had avoided ever since that day he kissed you. You knew asking Chishiya could go wrong but you could die at any minute.

You open your mouth to ask but Chishiya cuts you off.

“You have another game in three days.” He says under his breath.

“Oh.” It’s all you can say. No words formulate. You couldn’t even walk you world to survive another game.

“Kuina and I are in the same game. Niragi too.” His words hit you like venom when he mentions Niragis name.

You groaned and he let out a barely audible chuckle.

“So that’s why you helped me earlier because you don’t want me to be the liable one in your game, especially if it’s spades.” You mumble, a feeling of sadness crushes you.

“Chishiya, I need to talk to you and I know the whole silent brooding thing is your entire personality but can you be human and feel for 5 minuets?” The words come out as a rant and he looks surprised when you finish talking.

He scoffs at your words. “I told you feelings are pointless. They serve only as a distraction.”

You grew angry at him for still thinking like this. “Than why kiss me!”

You didn’t realise you shouted the words until you heard the echo of it.

“I told you that didn’t mean anything.” He muttered.

You sign at his response. “Really. Because I don’t kiss people if I don’t care about them.”

“You shouldn’t have feelings for me.” His voice was becoming irate but you didn’t care.

“Well I do Chishiya! I REALLY DO! I got excited to see you! I got excited to see you, to be with you, to read your book and yes I know it’s your book. You can tell me that you don’t care for me but if that was true you wouldn’t have don’t any of the things you had. The second I got hurt you would have ignored me because I would have had no worth.” You throw your hands up in the air and Chishiya stands up.

“Great, run away.” You mutter.

He sits back down beside you and it’s quiet for a moment.

“I can’t care about you here, I can’t love you here. This works caring even for a second will kill you.” He mumbles his voice void of any emotion.

You shake your head and he turns to face you. “You know your face was one of the ones I see when I was having my body fried in that dare. It was the most excruciating pain but thinking about you kept me holding on long enough to live. Im Alive because I see it like that.”

He lets out a dark chuckle and you raise your eyebrow at him. “That’s how you see it, don’t try to change my views, don’t try to change me. I am not someone you should care abour, having feelings for me will only get you hurt and I won’t be responsible when that happens.”

He’s right, you can’t change him but he does care about you and that’s something you’ll hold on to but if you can’t change how he feels he can’t do that to me.

“Fine. I won’t try to change you but let me care about you. I won’t change how you feel so don’t do the same to me. You don’t have to care for me but let me care for you. Please Chishiya?” You plead.

He shrugs his shoulders. “Do whatever you want but Don’t cry when you get hurt.”

“Mhm.” You mumble your voice sounding small.

You take a risk and lay your head onto his shoulder, at first you feel him tense up but eventually he relaxes. You keep your head there even when his hair begins to lightly blow in your face.

You sat there in silence until the light breeze became a cold shiver. It seemed much colder here than in the other world.

Chishiya slipped his shoulder out from underneath your head and stood up.

“I’m going inside, I’m bored.” He muttered as he began to walk away.

“Chishiya wait!” You shouted..

He turned towards you and raised his eyebrows.

“I’m stuck here I can’t get inside and Kuina won’t come back, can you help me?” You asked smiling at him.

He let out an annoyed sigh but he began walking towards you.

He wrapped his arm around you and lifted you up. You managers to stumble inside and down the stairs without putting your whole body weight onto him.

As you got inside you turned your head to face him. You see his glance move away from you and your cheeks redden at the thought of him staring at you.

You walk down the hall and as you approach your door you decide to see how much he knew about Niragi.

“Chishiya can I ask you something? Well two things?” You ask eagerly.

“Don’t you ever stop talking? What’s the questions.” He sighs

“Did you know Niragi blames me for what you did?” You ask sheepishly as he helps you onto the bed.

“I’m well aware. Next?” His voice is cold when he replies.

“When can I shower? I don’t want it to hurt and I won’t be able to clean it with the alcohol myself.”

He lets out a small annoyed groan as he walks over to you helping you stand up once again. He leads you over the the closet and leaves you alone to chose your clothes.

“You can shower whenever the alcohol just needs to be reapplied every time which is annoying for me but you having infections would be even more annoying. Don’t use soap on your back or where there are cuts.”

You nod your head at his instructions and he helps you into the restroom.

“Can you help me with the bandages?” You mumble.

He walks out of the room and comes back wearing a pair of gloves. He doesn’t say anything else whilst he takes off the bandages. He does it quickly, only pausing when you wince from the pain.

“Thankyou.” You whisper to him as he removes the last bandage.

You turn around and close the door. You decide to leave the water cook, afraid of irritating the skin. It stings for a while as you step under it but eventually it dulls down. You carefully wash your hair. The pain had eased due to the painkillers and you knew you wouldn’t be awake much longer.

As you begun getting dressed you allow yourself to think about Chishiya. Tomorrow you knew you had to talk to Kuina. Maybe she could help you understand what he truly means by what he said. Although understanding him had became easier he was still the most complicated person you’ve ever met.

Chishiya was already at the door waiting when you opened it. Without speaking he wrapped his arm around you and helped you back to the bed. You see the alcohol and dressing already ready.

You carefully threw your head back and groaned at the sight of it, you see Chishiya smirk a little and a wave of happiness came over you.

Your body feels numb due to the painkillers Chishiya had given to you, they really were a wonderful thing.

Your eyes begin closing as you feel him wrapping the bandages around you.

“Chishiya?” You mumble.

“What?” His voice had softened from the cold tone he had earlier.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you take care of me.” You begin to feel tears in your eyes.

“Go to sleep.” He whispers and you nod your head.

“You care about me. Or you will one day. We will get out of here.” The words are stifled by the pillow you clung to but Chishiya seems to have heard them as he lets out a disapproving grunt at your words.

Your mind had drifted to that place between awake and asleep where you could feel and hear but you wasn’t awake enough to respond.

You felt his fingers drift along the wrist he had bruised and then You heard the faint sound of the door closing and you knew he had left. You decided to leave it for another day letting yourself fall into a blissful sleep.

[pilothusband]

All Hail The King

Rating: Explicit (18+)

Pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader

Warnings: Alcohol, oral sex, p in v sex, praise kink. I’m a horny bitch, okay? This is purely indulgent.

Word count: 5k

Author’s note: Special thanks to @wyn-dixie​ for reading this over before I posted it and for enabling this filth. ❤️ This idea entered my brain randomly and I had to write it out. Please let me know what you think! I want your feedback. If I had Photoshop I would have made an edit of Frankie with a crown for this but I don’t have it so here’s this gif instead.

The bar is humming with activity, but the table you’re nestled at in the back provides enough shelter to allow you all to converse without having to yell at each other.

You’ve been nursing a glass of water for a while now, since you’re the designated driver this week. It doesn’t bother you, though— you’re just happy to be out with your friends.

Every once in a while you steal a glance over at Frankie, who’s sitting diagonally across the table, next to Santiago who is directly across from you. Benny is to your left, his large body crowding you into the wall, and his brother Will is at the head of the table.

“Hey Fish,” Benny claps a hand on his shoulder. The force of his hand jostles Frankie’s solid body backwards a little, but to his credit he doesn’t flinch. “How are things with that girl you were seeing? Jennessa? Jennifer?”

You take a sip of your water and look down at the table to mask your interest at the sudden change in conversation.

“Jessica,” Frankie clears his throat. “They aren’t. We didn’t have much in common so she broke it off after a few dates.”

Queue the internal cheering. Jessica was a bit of a wet mop, to be honest. She never had anything to say when Frankie brought her around and she would scoff at everything that was slightly unsavory in her eyes. Deep down, you had to come to terms with the jealous twinge you felt in your gut every time she would squeeze Frankie’s shoulder affectionately, her immaculately manicured nails pressed harshly into his jacket.

“I’m sorry, Fish,” Benny said, slinging his arm around the man, the clumsy movement knocking his hat slightly askew. “Her loss, brother.”

“Here here,” Santi agrees, raising his bottle in the air. “To the king!”

Benny cheers clinks his bottle against Santiago’s echoing his sentiment. Will huffs out a laugh and Frankie groans, hiding his face in his hands.

You gape at the two men in question, but they just giggle like a couple of school girls.

“I didn’t realize I was in the presence of royalty,” you say, trying to figure out what they’re talking about. You look over at Frankie as he takes an impatient sip from his drink.

Benny just about spits out a mouthful of beer onto the table.

“Shut the fuck up, guys.” Frankie warns his friends. “Seriously.” Santi and Benny give him an innocent look. Will focuses his gaze on the bottle he’s holding, picking at the paper label, damp and curling at the edges from condensation .

Santiago leans towards you, his breath hot in your ear.

“We call him the pussy eating king.”

You thank the powers above you weren’t mid-sip, because the choked sound that emits from your throat was both involuntary and sudden. Heat blossoms in your stomach and your thighs clench together as you make eye contact with Frankie. He looks away nervously, embarrassed even. 

“So was this a self coronation or..” You trail off, grinning at the flush on Frankie’s cheeks.

“It was that really talkative chick he was seeing for a while,” Benny says, turning to you. “Brianna?”

“Brenda,” Frankie sighs.

“So Brenda crowned you the pussy eating king?” You ask Frankie, who still refuses to meet your eyes.

He grumbles in response, waving off the subject.

“Yeah, she went on about it in detail for the whole night one time. I think you were away for a work trip or something” Santiago is absolutely smirking, loving the way Frankie is physically shrinking under the group’s attention. “Come on Fish, don’t be so modest. You’re a beast in the sack, it’s a good thing!”

You smile, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. You remember why you weren’t there. It was because you couldn’t stand seeing Frankie so happy with another woman, so you feigned sick.

“Well, I can see why things with Brenda didn’t last,” you respond, knowing Frankie was kind of a private guy. “But hey, at least she can tell all her friends she got the royal treatment while it lasted.”

Benny, Santiago and even Will all roar with laughter, fists banging raucously on the table. Frankie huffs out an embarrassed laugh, despite himself.

“Yeah, yeah,” he takes a swig of his beer, emptying it. “I need another drink.”

“Hey Ben, what time is your fight next week again?” Will calls over to his brother. You’re grateful for the change of subject. Frankie’s had enough torture for one night and you aren’t sure how many more details about Frankie’s sexual prowess your nether regions can take.

Benny turns towards Will to talk about his upcoming match and you take a sip from your glass to try to hide how flustered you’re feeling. Did this bar get hot all of a sudden?

The glass lands back down with a dull thump and you look up to find Santiago studying you, his eyebrow raised.

“What?” You don’t mean to sound aggressive, but his gaze is unnerving, as if he’s trying to suss out something you’re hiding.

“Nothing, nothing at all.” He smirks and tips up his beer, taking a long gulp. You roll your eyes at him and look down to pick at your nails.

A few moments later, Frankie returns with a fresh beer and you can feel Santiago turning his face in your direction again to read your body language. You school your reaction, fingers digging painfully into your pint glass. Sometimes Pope is too fucking nosy for his own good.

He must lose interest after a moment though, because he turns his attention back to Benny, who’s still talking about his upcoming fight.

The topic doesn’t come up again, thankfully, and you’ve dropped all the boys off at their separate destinations, save for Frankie, who lives the closest to you.

The car ride alone with him isn’t as tense as you were expecting, since his tongue has been loosened with the fair amount of alcohol he’s had tonight. You both chat easily about the upcoming week and how much you’re dreading going back to work on Monday.

You can’t resist one smart remark though, as you pull up to Frankie’s house.

“Your castle awaits, my liege,” you quip, trying and failing to hide your amused smile as you look over at him.

Frankie throws his head back and laughs freely, opening the car door with a wink.

“Goodnight, my queen,” he bows exaggeratedly before shutting the car door.

The butterflies don’t tamp down until you’re securely inside your own apartment, locking the door behind you.

That night was a month ago, which means it’s been a whole fucking month since your brain flew the coop. Every time Frankie does just about anything with his mouth, everything else around you ceases to exist.

Take last Thursday, for example. Frankie dropped by after work to help you change your porch light, since the fixture is too heavy and the light is too high up to easily reach.

He steps up the ladder with ease, unscrewing the fixture and holding it with his left hand. He puts the screwdriver in his mouth so he can hold onto the ladder as he gingerly hands you the fixture. You grab onto it and hand him the replacement bulb so he can swap them out.

He gets the lightbulb in and gestures towards you to hand the fixture back, which he screws back in before stepping down.

“Blegh,” he wipes his mouth on his sleeve, an action that has your last two brain cells screeching to a halt. “Screwdrivers taste awful.” 

His statement is cute, self-deprecating, and you try to respond appropriately but all you can do is gape at him like a fish out of water.

‘Get your shit together, he’s wiping off the taste of rust, not your pussy,’ you try to mentally shake yourself out of your stupor, but it does no good.

He turns back towards his toolbox to drop the screwdriver in and close the lid.

“All set,” he says, dusting off his jeans. He sounds a little uneasy, probably because you’re acting like a complete weirdo.

“Thank you so much, Frankie. I really appreciate it.” You find your manners and pull him in for a hug, secretly reveling in how good he smells.

“Any time,” he tells you as he wraps his arms around you and squeezes softly.

Before he pulls away you make a spur of the moment decision, and reach up to give him a small kiss on the cheek. He’s so impossibly warm and so inviting, you can feel your heart flutter in your chest. The sparse hairs on his face tickle your chin. 

Frankie clears his throat and ducks his head down, mumbling a hurried goodbye before he heads back to his truck, toolbox in hand. You don’t miss the way his lips are turned up and the crows feet make an appearance in the corner of his eyes, nor do you miss the brilliant flush that spreads over his face and down his neck.

It’s Saturday now and your torment knows no end. You decide you’re too tired to go out and opt to invite the guys over for a movie night, to which they all agree. 

You decide you’ll just have to look away every time Frankie takes a sip of a drink, or eats a handful of popcorn. Or God forbid, if he licks his lips.

The group chat has been a nightmare, with everyone trying to come up with a movie to watch. Benny wants to watch The Expendables, Will mentioned something about wanting to see Dunkirk for ages now and Santi is playing devil’s advocate, disagreeing with all of their choices but not coming up with one of his own.

Frankie has been quiet in the chat, besides initially agreeing to come over initially.

It’s 9:00 PM, you have a 30 rack of beers in the fridge and some popcorn set out for everyone. All you have to do now is wait for the guys to arrive. Your phone chimes with a notification from Benny.

Benny and the Jets 🥊: Sorry lady, I got called in for a last minute practice. Raincheck?

Ironhead 🦸🏼: I gotta duck out too. The lady wants to have a date night. Sorry!

You type out a reply to them, a little disappointed but bidding them a good night all the same.

A knock sounds on the door and you rush over to answer it. The door swings open to reveal Frankie, wearing the softest looking navy blue hoodie you’ve ever seen, along with his Standard Oil cap. He looks as unsure as ever, holding a bottle of red wine.

You chirp an over-enthusiastic greeting, internally cringe at it, and step aside to welcome him in.

“I know you like red wine, so I got some for you on the way here. I hope it’s the kind you like.”

You accept the wine and look at the label. It’s a California Zinfandel. You can’t believe he remembered your favorite wine.

“I love it, thank you so much.” You pull him into a hug, nuzzling into the soft material of his sweatshirt. He returns the hug just as enthusiastically, pulling away to kiss your forehead.

“Is Santiago on his way?” You ask, padding into the kitchen to grab a glass from your cabinet. “Do you want a glass? Or I have some beer if you’d prefer.”

“Beer is perfect, thanks,” he says a little breathily as he looks over at you. “Santiago said something came up and that he’s sorry.”

Something feels a little fishy with the three of them ducking out all at the same time, but you don’t mention it as you hand him a beer and search through your drawer for a bottle opener. A few minutes later, you’re both set up on the couch and are scrolling through Netflix for a movie.

“I have no idea what to watch. Do you?”

“Want to watch Civil War? I know the guys will bitch we’re continuing the rewatch without them but they can deal.”

You tip your head back and laugh, navigating over to your Disney+ app.

Frankie takes off his hat and sets it aside while you spread a blanket over your laps, braving a chance to scoot closer to him. He takes the hint and wraps his arm behind your shoulders, nestling you closer to his chest. You settle in and try to pay attention to the movie, despite the wild fluttering that is taking place in your stomach.

Frankie shifts uncomfortably and winces a little. You can tell he’s trying to hide it, but little does he know you’ve been watching every single movement he makes like a hawk. Or a nervous lap dog.

“Does your back hurt? I can move,” you start to get up but Frankie grabs onto your wrist and pulls you back in.

“No, stay. I just need to find a comfortable position.”

You make a soft noise of surprise when he lifts you up and pulls you towards him, settling back so he’s spread out on the couch. You’re settled on top of him, your legs stretched out over his with your back to the cushion, half draped over his torso.

This position has your heart thumping hard in your chest. His face was just a few inches from yours. All he’d have to do is tilt his face towards yours, and you’d be practically kissing.

Focusing on the movie is harder than ever. Your left hand rests on Frankie’s chest and your right is near his head. Without even thinking, you reach out and start stroking your fingers through his soft curls. He hums contentedly, the pleasant sound rumbling through his chest.

A hand makes its way up your arm leaving goosebumps in its wake, landing on your shoulder.

You brave a glance at Frankie and feel your heart stutter in your chest when you realize he’s been looking at you. His eyes are as dark as ever, twinkling against the flicker of your TV.

He closes the gap and captures your lips in a tender kiss. His lips are warm and soft, melding to yours perfectly. The brush of your mouths together is intoxicating. Your tongue darts out to lick at him and he complies, letting out a guttural moan at the sensation as your tongues meet languidly.

You shift your leg so it slots between his and both of your hands find his shoulders and squeeze them, eliciting a soft mewl from Frankie’s mouth. His hands are hot on your back and he slides one down to your ass, kneading the soft flesh over your leggings.

Your hips press into his, rutting into him, soft pants falling from your mouth– mingling with his. You need to be closer, closer, closer. He tightens his grip on your ass in response and rolls his hips so you can feel how hard he is against your belly.

“Fuck, baby,” he rasps, breaking the kiss, words tumbling out between his ragged breaths. 

You can feel yourself throbbing for him, wetness rushing to your core as his hushed baritone makes your head spin with need. Somewhere in the back of your mind you’re convinced this is a dream. That there’s no way you’re dry humping the man of your dreams on your couch right now.

You duck down to hide your expression, not wanting to ruin the moment with your anxiety and doubt. You’ll take whatever this man gives you, even if it’s just this moment. 

You busy yourself by peppering small kisses on his neck, trailing them up to his jaw.

“Hey,” he slows your movements and holds your chin with his thumb and forefinger, tilting your face up gently up to look at him.

“I want you. I want this. Do you?” 

You feel the urge to look away, his gaze is intense and laser-focused on you. Eye contact has never been your strong suit, so this was a lot for you to handle. But you fight the urge to flinch and stare back, searching to see if there was anything that will give away any trepidations. His expression remains hard set, serious but not unkind. It’s just like Frankie to have eyes as clear as day, giving away all of his secrets. They’re just like him— strong, unrelenting in their hardness and softness.

“Yes,” you reply. Your voice cracks a little, thick with emotion. “I’ve wanted this, wanted you, for so long.” 

You feel embarrassment wash over you with the admission, but Frankie doesn’t let it last long before you crushes his lips to yours in a searing kiss. He breaks it off after a moment, lips swollen and pink.

“Baby, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.”

He strokes a hand down your jaw, his thumb caressing your skin as a goofy smile blooms over your face.

“I want to make you feel good, baby,” he whispers, his thumb catching on the swell of your bottom lip. “Will you let me make you feel good?”

You blink and swallow heavily, a fresh wave of arousal flooding to your center as the deep rasp of his voice utters those words, smooth as caramel– dousing over you like kerosene on a fire.

You nod, not trusting your voice at this very moment.

“I need you to say it out loud, honey,” he says, his lips brushing against yours ever so lightly.

“Yes, Francisco,” you breathe out. “Make me feel good.”

He bites your bottom lip and tugs, then growls playfully before he grabs your shoulders and flips you over. You let out a delighted shriek, giggling as he lifts up the hem of your shirt and kisses every inch of skin that’s revealed.

“Wait,” you call out. He stops his movements immediately. “You first.”

Frankie grins. You want to press your fingers into the dimple that appears and feel the scratch of his beard under your nails. He leans back and lifts his sweatshirt over his head, the grey t-shirt he’s wearing sticks to the inside of it and he rolls both garments down his arms. 

His chest is bare to you now, smooth except for a smattering of hairs in the middle of his chest, and a patch leading down into his jeans. You want to reach out and run your hands down the planes of his torso and follow the path of hair,  but your arms aren’t long enough to reach. 

You remove your shirt, leaving you in your leggings and bra. It’s a soft lace number, a delicate pink with no underwire. You watch as his hungry gaze roams over your chest. To your surprise, he doesn’t motion for you to take it off. Instead, he leans over you, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

 He moves downwards, tongue darting out to taste the salt of your neck. He continues his path and mouths between your breasts, one of his hands reaches out to squeeze the plump flesh in his large hand. You nipple instantly pebbles under his ministrations and he pulls the fabric aside to tease it with the pad of his finger. You moan softly at the sensation and yelp in surprise when he sucks it into his mouth and bites it, soothing the sharp sting with a flick of his tongue.

 “Mmm, love how responsive you are already,” he hums, moving down. Your back arches as his mouth makes a hot trail down the rest of your torso. You look down and notice he’s left wet patches where his mouth has been, coating you in saliva and leaving goosebumps in his wake.

 He reaches the waistband of your leggings and pushes them down, letting out a strangled groan when he gets an eyeful of your panties, the same shade of pink that matches the bra you’re wearing. 

“So fucking sexy,” he breathes.

He peels your panties down your legs and pulls them off along with your leggings, leaving you completely bare from the bottom down. You start to cross your legs to hide yourself, feeling self-conscious at how exposed you are, but Frankie grabs your thigh to halt the movement.

“You better not hide this pretty pussy from me,” he says, licking his lips.

You half expect him to dive in, but he takes a moment to look at you. He’s resting a hand on your hip. His pointer finger makes a path down, tracing an invisible line up and down your slit. You hiss at the ghost of his touch and thrust your hips towards his hand, seeking out more friction.

Frankie lets out an amused chuckle at your reaction and leans forward to plant a wet kiss to your inner thigh. You let out a shaky breath in anticipation– your heart feels like it’s beating out of your chest. He kisses up your thigh until he reaches the apex between your legs, then licks a stripe through your folds with the flat of his tongue, pulling a surprised gasp from your parted lips.

He sucks your clit into his mouth and you can’t help it– you buck up into his mouth and grab onto his hair and tug at the strands. He grabs onto the flesh of your hip and whimpers into your pussy. Despite being almost dizzy with need, you feel a rush of power knowing you have this effect on him.

“You taste so fucking good. So wet for me,” he punctuates his words with bold licks up and down. “Never want to stop.”

He changes patterns, making tight circles on your clit with his tongue. The sudden switch has you mewling and your legs clamp around his head involuntarily. Frankie grabs your thighs and wrenches them apart, hooking them over his shoulders as he latches onto your pussy. His hands are on your ass, holding you up as your back arches off the couch.

All you can do is scramble at the cushions below you for purchase as Frankie buries his face into your cunt, lapping at you with abandon. His tongue licks into you with an intensity you’ve never experienced before; it has you seeing stars.

You have no idea how he knows exactly how to manipulate your body to pull the pleasure from you so naturally. Every lick feels like it’s searching for treasure, every suck hits somewhere deep inside, reverberating through the muscles of your thighs and up in your abdomen.

He gently places you back down to the cushions and rubs at your entrance with his pointer finger, looking up at you for permission.

“Yes, please–“ you whimper brokenly. He complies immediately and plunges it into you, following with a second finger, and curls them up. His pace is slow at first and he flicks his tongue out to play with your clit at the same time. He’s soon spurred on by your moans and sets a brutal pace. You once again feel the urge to clamp around him to increase the pressure, but Frankie uses his broad shoulders to hold your thighs apart.

 Seeing his shoulders, bare and perspiring from his intensive movements, so wide and flushed, coupled with the furrow of his brow, his eyes pinched closed, makes something primal within you awaken. You barely have time to feel your orgasm coming before it’s hitting you– thighs shaking, back arching, hands in his hair. You don’t even realize it, but you;’re shrieking his name, chanting it like a prayer. He’s groaning in reply, milking you through it with his fingers and tongue, lapping up your release, syrupy sweet and indulgent.

 He doesn’t stop until you’re flinching from overstimulation. He kisses up your body lazily, taking his time before capturing your lips. You kiss him back, licking into his mouth and tasting yourself on his tongue. He grinds into you, his jean-clad erection rubs against your aching cunt and rekindles the fire, molten heat shooting through your entire body.

 “Wanna fuck you so bad, baby,” he says, panting the words into your mouth.

 You moan and break the kiss.

 “Want to take this to my room?”

 He doesn’t reply, but instead swings his body off the couch and picks you up bridal-style. He stumbles a little with the first steps and you both laugh, kissing each other with each step he takes towards your bedroom.

He tosses you onto the bed softly and you let loose another delighted giggle when Frankie flops over you dramatically, caging you in his arms. Your tongues tangle together in an impossibly sensual kiss. He’s momentarily distracted, caught up in the feel of your body underneath his with the soft touches of your tongue, and you take the opportunity to roll him over and straddle his hips.

Frankie is looking up at you as if he’s in awe, like he can’t believe you’re here right now, naked from the waist down and grinding down on his hard cock, tenting his jeans.

You move down his body and zip his fly down, pushing down the denim along with his boxer briefs. His cock springs free, hard and hot and leaking at the tip. You can’t help but lick the bead of precum, and a broken whine rips from Frankie’s throat. His hands are clenched into the sheets, knuckles white with how hard he’s gripping the mattress beneath him.

You’re bobbing your mouth up and down his length, tongue licking around his shaft and cheeks hollowing out. His moans are loud, constant. He’s babbling praise, telling you how fucking amazing your mouth feels, how badly he wants to fuck you. It’s a heady feeling, bringing a strong and quiet man to his knees like this. You love that he’s letting you know how much he’s breaking for you.

Your tongue finds its way down to his balls and you suck them into your mouth, moaning at the musky taste. His moans are high pitched now and his hand is squeezing your shoulder.

“Baby, you gotta stop,” he grabs onto your hair to pause your movements. “I need to feel you.”

You give him one last broad lick up his shaft and shift back up, and look down at Frankie to catalogue the number you’ve done on him. He’s absolutely wrecked– brown eyes blown wide, chest rising and falling rapidly with his uneven breaths.

 You remove your bra, stretching it over your head and throwing it to the side. Frankie follows the movement and lets out a needy, staccato moan at the sight of you, completely bare before him.

 You reach down and kiss him soundly on the mouth, lining his cock up with your entrance.

 “I’ve got you, baby boy,” you coo, sinking down on his length.

 “Fuck,” he grits out between his teeth.

 You give yourself a moment to get used to his size and rock into him. His hands fly up to your chest, squeezing lightly and rolling your nipples in between his fingers.

 “So fucking big,” you pant out. “So good for me.”

 It seems Frankie loves praise as much as you do, evidenced by the twitch of his cock inside you.

 Your pace is agonizingly slow. You’re trying to tease out the moment, stretch it out so it lasts forever. It doesn’t last long– you can’t stand it anymore. You bounce up and down on him, snapping your hips when they meet his.

 “So fucking perfect,” he pants out. “Wanna fuck you from behind.”

 You breathe out a moan and stop your movements. Frankie mistakes your pause for hesitation and reaches up to brush the hair out of your face.

 “We don’t have to,” he says, voice gentle, brow furrowed in concern. 

 “No, fuck. No, Frankie. I want to.”

 You gingerly get up and whimper at the loss when he’s no longer inside you. Frankie sits up, shoulders rocking forward and cock bobbing with his movement as he settles onto his knees. You watch him and bite your lip, getting on all fours and lifting your ass up in the air to present yourself to him.

 Frankie can’t help the groan that falls from his lips and sinks forward to lay an open-mouthed kiss on your pussy from behind before he lines himself up. He enters you without hesitation, hips slapping against your ass rhythmically, setting a decisively fast pace. 

 All you can hear is the filthy sounds of your wet pussy as he pounds into you, along with your strangled moans, and his heavy breathing, laced with whispers of praise you can’t discern. The waves of pleasure are too much, too strong. You can feel the familiar build up of an orgasm. Your head is in the clouds as it climbs and climbs– then crashes.

 His fingers on your clit is what does you in. Your whole body shakes and all you can do is whimper and moan around his cock while he fucks into you. The strong, practiced rock of his hips become sloppy as he chases his release, muttering words of adoration into the air as he pulls out and cums, spilling onto your back. He pulls every last drop out of his cock before collapsing over you, forehead resting on your spine as he catches his breath.

 “Fuck, baby,” he says, once he’s caught his breath. “Should have done this ages ago.”

 You both laugh and Frankie gets up to grab a wet face towel from the bathroom

A little while later, you’re both in bed, blissed out and wrapped up around each other. The movie, drinks and snacks are all forgotten. All that matters is here and now– your breaths mingling together as you kiss each other lazily, tongues probing slowly. 

In the other room, both of your phones ping on the coffee table with unheard notifications.

The first text is from Santiago.The other boys follow suit, not a minute apart.

Pope 🤦🏻‍♂️: 👑

Benny and the Jets 🥊: 👑

Ironhead 🦸🏼: 👑

Neither of you see the texts until the next morning.

 The following weekend, it’s Santiago’s turn to be the designated driver. He’s parked outside of Frankie’s house, waiting to pick both of your asses up. He starts to tap his fingers impatiently against the steering wheel after the first 15 minutes. 

“What the fuck are they doing in there?” He asks Will and Benny. They all know the answer, but don’t say anything.

Meanwhile, Frankie has you crowded against the front door, your sundress is hiked up and his face is buried in your pussy. Neither of you can hear the sound of Santi’s impatient honking over your moans.

And if you end up going to the bar sans panties because you can’t find them before Santiago is pounding his fist on the door, well that’s just a secret you and Frankie will have to keep.

Taglist: @tenderclio @softdin @darnitdraco @freeshavocadoooo @recklessworry @wyn-dixie @manalg14 @codenamewife @comphersjost @princessxkenobi @manalg14 @comphersjost @a-skov @sheresh0y @greeneyedblondie44 @blackmarketmummy @brandyllyn @gracie7209 @bootyliciousbilbo @dobbyjen

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || Not Giving You Attention [Request]

CHAN:

You understood how busy Chan got whenever he was in the zone working on a new album or just some songs he and the boys were having fun but it didn't mean you liked it. Whenever he got too into something it was as if the rest of the world no longer existed to him, you knew it wasn't personal since his music meant everything to him but it had been over a week of no attention from him and you were starting to get moody about it. If Chan was always at work you didn't have someone to cuddle up to apart from Felix so that was what you did, you began cuddling up to Felix on a night since you both needed to hold something to fall asleep. 

"Lix?" Chan's voice rang out as he walked into the dorms at 3 am one morning to find you curled up in front of Felix, his arm draped along your stomach to make sure you didn't fall off in your sleep.

"What are you guys doing?" Chan chuckled weakly as he caught the sight of you both laying together the way you were, he knew there was no reason for him to feel jealous but he couldn't help it. 

"He's cuddling me because someone has been too busy to," You grumbled too tired to say anything, you simply rolled over and snuggled your head into Felix as he continued to try and go back to sleep. 

"Oh, so you went to the next Australian?" Chan chuckled as he watched you, reaching out his hand to stroke your cheek softly, he'd missed you incredibly all week and he didn't blame you for going to someone else for cuddles. 

"Well I went to Hyunjin but he was busy too," You joked, whining as Chan lifted you up from the sofa and began carrying you in the direction of his bedroom but you pouted at him, 

"Are you going to pout all night?" You nodded in answer to his question and he chuckled, laying down on the bed. 

"Even if I said I'm done with working for now?" That was all it took for you to wrap your arms around his body and hold him as tightly as you possibly could, not daring to let go even for a second. 

MINHO:

"You've been like this all week! What's the problem?!" Minho snapped as he tried getting you to speak to him but you just looked at him with a blank stare. All week he'd been ignoring you, not giving you enough attention and the petty side of you decided to do the same thing to him ignoring him and giving him the silent treatment to see how long it would take him to crack. The answer was about three days before he finally noticed you weren't asking him for cuddles all of the time or begging for his attention.

"You're ignoring me? How mature of you?" He quipped sarcastically as he sat down on the sofa next to you but you scoffed in his direction, 

"You're the one who didn't give me any attention this week! It's taken you three days to notice I'm ignoring you," You whined out, folding your arms across your chest kind of like a child whenever they didn't get something that they wanted. 

"So you ignored me to get attention?" He chuckled watching you as you continued to pout, turning away from him but all he did was wrap his arms around you and drag you into his embrace. 

"I didn't mean to, you know how things have been lately," He whispered in your ear, leaving small and soft kisses up and down your skin that made your whole body tingle. 

"I guess this makes up for it," You laughed as he continued to kiss you, not letting you go for even a second.

CHANGBIN:

Instead of begging and fighting for Changbin's attention, you decided to give him a taste of his own medicine, whatever he was working on was clearly important to him so you began to spend time by yourself. Getting into reading until you found a book you couldn't put down but then, of course, Chanbin was done with his projects and wanted to give you all his time and attention but your head was so into the book you barely even noticed that he was there. Ignoring him as you flipped through the pages of a book, lost so deeply that you could imagine the world around you, all of it playing in your head like a small movie.

"Y/n?" You looked up to see Changbin holding up your favourite fast food with a cheesy grin on his face as you finally looked at him. 

"Now you're paying attention to me?" He asked sarcastically as you put the book down onto the table in front of you, 

"I think you'll find it was the other way around," You mumbled to him, taking the bag from his hands and heading over into the kitchen as he followed behind you. 

"I give you all my attention-"

"You've barely spoken to me all week," You didn't mean to sound as pissed off as you did but it hurt that your boyfriend had been ignoring you for so long and was now pissed at you for doing the exact same thing. 

"I was giving you a taste of your own medicine," You quipped, throwing a chip at him for him to catch in his mouth, he chuckled wrapping his arms around you from behind. 

"Then from here by out, I promise to give you all of my attention and if I can't you have permission to sit on my lap until I do," As he finished his sentence he fed you a chip and you smiled at him, kissing his lips softly. 

"Deal."

HYUNJIN:

Hyunjin was almost always busy with something so not getting attention from him was kind of hard sometimes, he would be busy with dance practise and other things he was doing but somehow he would make time for you. It was only occasionally he would get so busy he barely knew what time of day it was and you would have to force him into staying with you, holding you, giving you the attention you craved but it wasn't for selfish reasons you had to make sure he was taking care of himself.

"I bought lunch, sit," You ordered as you walked into the dance studio to find Hyunjin panting and sweating heavily from his routines he was doing, he looked at you before going back to dancing to the music. 

"Hyunjin." You warned him, placing the food down onto the computer desk where you could easily turn off the music and force him into interacting with you but he groaned, looking over at you. 

"I have to practice-"

"No, you have to eat. Chan said you skipped breakfast," You turned off the dance track and walked over to him, waving the bag under his nose as you told him what you'd made for lunch for the pair of you, forcing him to sit down and give you attention while also making sure he was taking care and looking after himself.

“Fine but only because it’s my favorite,” He lied as he sat down on the floor he knew it was only because you’d brought him the food. If anyone else had turned off the music mid-session there would have been harsh words exchanged but he couldn’t be harsh to you when he knew you were only looking out for him. He smiled as you fed him, dragging you close to him as you both cuddled together and ate lunch.

JISUNG:

All of Jisung's attention had been on a new video game that he seemed to be obsessed with as of late, spending hours and hours playing it and if he wasn't playing the game he was working or sleeping you barely got to see him. 

"Jisung?" You asked as you walked into the bedroom to find him with his head in the console once again, you held onto the towel that was around your body debating whether or not to drop it in front of him or not. It was something you'd been seeing all over the internet, people who couldn't get their partners to notice them would shower and drop the towel in front of them.

"Sungie," You cooed at him slowly taking off the towel and dropping it by his feet but he didn't even look up, his eyes were glued to the screen so you rolled your eyes, picking up the towel you turned to leave when the door opened, 

"Jisung it's my turn-AH!" Jeongin let out a loud scream as he covered his eyes, Jisung stood up in a rush and covered you with his body to stop the Maknae from seeing what he wasn't supposed to. 

"What are you doing walking around Naked?! Why did you walk in without knocking?!" He yelled out at the both of you while a bright red Jeongin backed out of the room not wanting to respond to anything, 

"You weren't giving me attention, I dropped the towel to get it." You whined as you finally admitted how needy you had been feeling for him to even look at you lately, as soon as he heard what was wrong he sighed and brought you into a hug. 

"I'm sorry babe...I guess I have been a little preoccupied-"

"A little?" You questioned sassily, raising your eyebrow as he blushed and looked down at the floor. 

"Maybe a lot." He chuckled, kissing your forehead as he promised to give you more attention than he had been.

FELIX:

Felix knew whenever he wasn't giving you enough attention because you would cuddle up to him more and more, not letting him go for a second as you were desperate for him to hold you. It wasn't often that he would be so busy he couldn't even talk to you but when it happened he felt bad about it, he tried to do what he could but he couldn't always be there for you.

"Did you miss me? I can't tell," He joked sarcastically as you cuddled up beside him, holding onto his arm tightly as he attempted to leave you alone but you weren't going to let him, you continued to hold him. He'd just come home from a busy day and wanted to sleep beside you but the boys were calling him for dinner,

"You're not allowed to leave unless I'm coming with," You joked, kissing his cheek as he held onto you tightly telling you he would be right back and he would have food when he came back, supplies for your endless night of cuddles.

“But you’re leaving,” You whined jokingly as he continued to get out of your grasp, laughing as you tried to stop him from leaving the dorm room despite that he would be coming back within seconds.

SEUNGMIN:

More often than not you knew Seungmin would sometimes pretend to pay attention to you when he was really ignoring you and had no idea what you were talking about. It had gotten worse lately when he would zone out in your conversations when you were trying to tell him about your day or asking him about his day. 

"Yeah and then-" You stopped speaking once you saw that he was nodding along while staring at his phone so you decided to put it to the test, 

"Then the chicken jumped up onto my work desk and started dancing and singing to Miroh," He didn't even flinch so you stared at him as you kept making things up to see if he would notice, 

"It could rap Jisung's lines really well, I think it said it was going to audition to be a part of 3Racha so they could become 4Racha," Jisung looked up from his phone as he heard this and wondered what you were doing until he saw Seungmin's head in his phone. 

"I made out with Jisung," You lied as you stared directly at him, again there was no reaction so Jisung decided to join in, 

"Y/n and I had sex in your bed." Nothing. You huffed, folding your arms over your chest and pouting as you gave up on the silly idea that you could get your boyfriend to give you attention. 

"You didn't really make out with him...Right?" Seungmin whispered a little while later when Jisung had left the room, you turned to look at him and he was blushing.

"I heard everything, I was just too tired to respond...I'm sorry." He whined as you snuggled into his arms, kissing his chest softly.

JEONGIN:

When Jeongin got stressed he seemed to push everything away from him, he wanted to make sure what he was working on had his 140% in it, wanting whatever it was to be perfect for the fans and the boys and you knew that which was why you'd given him some space but as time passed it was beginning to worry you. There were no texts, calls or even a signal that he was doing okay, if it wasn't for the boys you wouldn't have known what he was doing. 

"When did you get here?" Jeongin asked as he panted heavily, you looked up from the book you were reading and smiled at him, it was nice to see he was finally back in the room. 

"About three hours, you hadn't noticed because you were practising so hard," You bookmarked the page you were on and got up to go over and hug him, not caring that he was covered in sweat you were just glad he finally acknowledged that someone else was in the room with him again. 

"You need to shower, I'm cooking at the dorms with Seungmin later," You tapped his chest, leaning up to give him a kiss on the lips as you smiled at him, not even upset that he had been too busy to call or text, you knew he was doing what he loved and that was all that mattered to you.

Tagline: @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @sw33tnight​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @minholuvs​

[cqsuanla]

fury shakes the rafters

pairing: dark!nat/f!reader

summary:

Aside from the cannibalism, Nat is mostly the same. Still ridiculously strong and stupidly hardheaded. And that face — flinty, cold, mean. Nat’s always been mean. 

(inspired by jennifer’s body)

additional notes: mommy kink, dom/sub, bloodplay(?), dacryphilia, uhh pussy spanking, choking, unhealthy relationship, terrible aftercare

title from a song suggested by an anon: nobody by the crane wives

(ao3)

The light in the stairwell flickers, but it doesn’t make a difference, dim and dirty as it is. It buzzes distantly in your ears. You’re too focused on taking the steps two at a time to notice. You hold your groceries to your chest and fish your keys out of your pocket. If you were strong like Nat, you might just have knocked the door clean of its hinges with the force of your body. Instead, it crashes loudly into your wall, and you nearly fall on your face from the momentum. 

In a bid to gain purchase on your wall, you sweep your coat rack over, and you stumble over it. The clatter makes you wince — you hope she’s in a good mood. It’s hard for her to process stimuli when she’s weak. You scramble onto your hands and knees, shoving scattered boxes and cans into the grocery bag. 

Then, the rhythmic thud-thud of footsteps. You pause, exhaling as your eyes close. 

“Drink?” in a monotone. 

Yikes. You open your eyes, biting your lip. Steel-toed boots. You’ve told Nat a million times that this is a shoes-off apartment. She never listens, and you never argue more. Nat stays; she’s the only one who’ll stay. You can’t drive her away. 

Her right boot rises, scraping against the floor, and you flinch. It just kicks a cereal box away so it can nudge at the shopping bag. The way she says your name, evenly, firmly, has you blinking rapidly, has your hands automatically shooting to the bag, following her prompt. Thank god the bottles are fine. You don’t know what you’d do if they had shattered. 

You wiggle a beer out of the pack, and only then do you dare to make eye contact. 

“Hi,” you murmur. 

She gives you a brief glance, impassive, before snatching the bottle from your hand and returning to her spot on the armchair. “That fucking coat rack.” She flicks the cap off your side table, grungy and scratched up for this very reason. The cap bounces off the wall and disappears under the couch. “Just move it further in. You never listen.” 

You did, weeks ago. You don’t say so. 

The coat rack came with the place, and it was nice, so you refused to get rid of it. Nat hated it, hated that it was so close to the door in your already bite-sized entryway, but never enough to throw it out herself. But you did move it because her complaints were valid, and you wanted her to like being here with you, living here with you. Anyway, she stopped complaining afterwards. Not that you think she noticed — you supposed it was a minor inconvenience to her, the way a fly was, annoying when it was in your face but non-existent once it stopped bothering you. 

Quietly, you move your groceries to the kitchen island, putting everything but your new medical supplies away. There are dirty plates in the sink, which you’ll wash after you make yourself dinner. You wonder what she’s eaten – you’d just bought two new steaks, but Nat likes a bowl of strawberry ice cream now and then.

The TV channel switches in the background. Nat snorts, and you peek around the wall to catch a report on the gruesome series of murders that have been happening lately. People in the neighbourhood hardly went out anymore, too afraid of the dark now. It would scare you too if you weren’t well aware you’d never fall victim. Nat was with you, after all, and you were with her. 

You would be with her for as long as she’d let you. So, what if she was the monster in the dark? So what? It was Nat. Your Nat. She came back to you, talked to you, fucked you. It’s not like she was disembowelling you in some grimy alleyway. She kept most of the violence away from you because she cared. Anyway, like everyone else, she had to eat. You couldn’t fault her for that. 

You’re pulling the gauze out of its packaging when Nat scoffs loudly at the news. They must’ve insulted her because she clicks the TV shut, practically inhales half her bottle and flings the remote onto the couch. 

Then, she sets her sights on you, meek behind the counter, and raises an eyebrow. “Honey, the hall’s a mess. Clean it up.” 

You frown. “You’re still hurt.” 

She rolls her eyes. “I’ll eat tomorrow, and it’ll be fine.” 

You don’t think so. The longer Nat doesn’t eat, the worse it gets. It’s how she’s in this mess in the first place. Nat’s ethereal after a feeding, next to omnipotent. But the guy she picked to eat last week turned out to be some sort of track star because he had booked it at the first sign of trouble, and she’d been forced to retreat when the sirens started blaring. The day after that, she picked a local thug as her next meal, and she’d been caught off guard by the switchblade. So, here she is: slumped on your couch and stitched up sloppily. 

Her hair is limp, skin wane and dry, and in a bad enough mood that you can basically feel it every time you’re within a two-meter radius of her. 

Her physical weakness emboldens you a little, makes you think you can get away with a bit of stubbornness. You pick up the gauze and tape and round the corner. A car speeds by, high beam making Nat’s eyes glint a deep green in the dark. The green follows you the whole way until she has to crane her head around to watch you slip her tank top off a shoulder. 

Those eyes weren’t like that before when you first started dating. You don’t mind the changes, though. Aside from the cannibalism, Nat is mostly the same. Still ridiculously strong and stupidly hardheaded. 

“You don’t want to listen?” she asks, almost conversationally. 

You know better. You clench and unclench your fist. Shakily, you lift it and tuck a hair behind Nat’s ear, hoping foolishly that it will placate her. 

“Baby,” says she, like a gentle mother to a misbehaving child, “you should really listen.” 

You trace the bumps of her stitches, staring hard at her shoulder so you won’t have to see that face — flinty, cold, mean. Nat’s always been mean. 

“At least answer me.” 

“No, Nat,” you mutter, undoing the bandages on her bicep. “I don’t want to listen.”

To her credit, she lets you fix her up. Methodically, silently, you clean her wounds and rewrap them in new bandages. She doesn’t get in the way unless it’s to take a swig of her drink. 

When you’re done with her arms and back, you move to her front. She’s got an ugly gash on her calf, bruised midway from where the man had kicked her bleeding leg. You imagine this is causing her the most pain, not just physically. Nat’s not great with sitting still. She’s independent to a fault, enjoying control to the point that it’s probably some sort of diagnosable complex, and this restriction on her mobility has her restless and irritated. 

Looking down at her, at the space between her knees, you wonder if she’ll cooperate with you. The last time you tried to clean her leg, she’d torn your duvet in half and has since refused to let you look at it. But Nat tilts her head, coy, and gestures toward the space in front of her with her bottle. 

“Scared?” she whispers.

You glance at her face just in time to catch her tongue tracing the jagged end of a canine. Mutely, you shake your head. She smiles wide.

“Liar.”

Of course. You’re always scared of her. For her, too. But you don’t think it matters; it doesn’t change anything. You just want to help her, be good for her. Anyway, she’s trying to get a reaction out of you. You refuse to take the bait, raising your eyebrows and wiggling the bandages in your hand.

“Fine.” With a roll of her eyes, she parts her legs. 

As if dealing with a feral animal, you move slowly, cautiously, afraid to make sudden movements lest she starts getting violent. You squat down and reach for the cuff of her sweatpants. 

“Ah, ah.” She slides the leg back, staring down her nose at you. You pause. “Kneel, baby.” 

Her eyes — did the ring of green get thinner? Your lips part, anticipation beginning to seep into your body, and you comply. Once you’re settled, looking up at her, she makes that same careless gesture with her bottle. A go-ahead. 

As you work, she shifts to put her beer on the table and then combs a hand into your hair. You tense, eyeing her nervously, but she only watches you, imperious, intense, and remains silent. Nevertheless, you pick up the pace, tossing the antiseptic aside and winding the gauze around her pale calf. 

She’s startlingly warm under your hands. Ever since… whatever happened to her — she wasn’t exactly forthcoming with the details — she’s run hotter than ever. You can’t sleep under a blanket with her anymore unless you’re shirtless; the heat would be unbearable. Not that Nat has any complaints about that. 

“All done,” you murmur. 

The lack of reaction from Nat gives you the courage to lean forward and press a sweet kiss to the top of her knee. The hand in your hair rewards you with a gentle scratch, and you can’t help melting into a smile. She’s still got that air of arrogance about her when you look up at her, but she’s not glaring. Which is why it comes entirely as a surprise when she clenches a fistful of hair in her hand, yanking your head back, and slaps you clean across the face with her other hand. 

You take the full brunt of her palm with a cry, almost toppling over were it not for the grip on your hair. Your cheek burns, and so does your eyes. Mostly from pain, partly from the shock of it, maybe a little from shame when you realize you’re getting wet from the rough treatment. 

Nat tuts. “Crying already?” 

You imagine you look pretty pathetic on your knees for her, eyes glassy.

“Don’t give me those eyes, baby; you know I can’t help myself.” 

“I just wanted to help.” 

“I know,” Nat says gently, tipping your head back again so you can see the false sincerity on her face. “You can fix this, you know?” 

Your eyebrows furrow, thoughts racing a mile a minute to puzzle out what she means. 

“Don’t think so hard. You’ll hurt yourself. I’ll show you how, dumb baby,” she coos as she nudges your chin with the knuckle of her finger, and you can’t help flushing deeply at that. Then, she offers a hand, and you take it, and she tugs you up into a straddle on her lap. “Come here.” 

You instinctively wind your arms around her neck, clinging on. Beneath you, she tenses and lets out a low rumbling sound that resonates deep in her chest. You inhale sharply. 

Teeth. Sharpened to deadly points. Poised over your neck. Nat’s breath comes short and hot against your skin, and her tongue, when it peeks out, drags wetly across your skin. 

This has happened once before; the first night she’d come back changed. Like before, she noses at your flushed skin, teasing you with the possibility of damage, and trails her teeth down to your traps. Back then, she hadn’t bitten you. She won’t now, you think, you hope. 

She sighs again, hovering over the meat of your shoulder and prodding her teeth against you. Doesn’t break the skin. 

“Don’t make it worse for yourself. Are you scared?” 

This time, you nod. Nat’s lips curve into a smile, and her hold on your thighs tighten enough to bruise. 

“You should listen, sweetheart,” she says against you. The front of her teeth scrapes over you when she speaks, leaving red marks behind. “I hurt you less when you’re good. Don’t you know?”

“How can you be in the mood?” you wonder, burying your face into the crook of her neck. “You’re half dead.”

“Barely.”

It would take a lot more to kill Nat like this. Anyway, how could you be in the mood when your girlfriend’s cut up like this? 

Nat stands abruptly, ignorant to your yelps and complaints, and dumps you back onto the couch in quick succession. Before you can even register what’s happened, she’s yanked your bottoms down to your ankles and has climbed between your legs. 

Even after that, you don’t get the chance to speak. She wraps her hand around your throat and pins you to the cushions. You grab onto her wrist.

Her body bears down, and you break into a sweat, in small part due to nerves, some part because she’s shoving her hand up your shirt to grab roughly at your bra, but mostly because she’s near scalding. You’re convinced her blood runs at a constant boil now. You’ve grown to love the heat, though. With her, pleasure comes white-hot, and you’d want it no other way. 

“Nat-”

“No,” she growls, and you get an eyeful of her monstrous teeth. She flexes both hands, cutting off your airway and squeezing your breast painfully. You whimper, wound tight as a coil. “Listen to me, baby.”

You look at her through hazy eyes. 

“Those eyes again. God, I love you like this.” Foolishly, your heart clenches at those words. She rucks your shirt up and claws her nails down your front. Beads of blood bloom from the thin scratches she leaves behind. “You’re beautiful when I hurt you.”

Her hand nearly crushes your throat closed, but then she releases you, and you suck air in desperately. Your hands, shaken off her arm, reach for the sides of her head. “Nat,” you croak, tasting the salt from your tears on your lips. “Nat.”

She shakes her head, descending on your chest. It hurts – badly. “Be good for mommy.”

“Mommy,” you gasp out, arching into her mouth. She ignores your pert nipples, electing instead to lick and suck at the burn between your breasts. “Please, please.”

“Shut up,” she hisses. Oh, her teeth are still out. “Hands above your head.”

You obey, another sad sound crawling out of your abused throat. 

The dark pits of her eyes drink in the sight of you, face crumpled in pain and need. A thumb wipes up the last of your blood, and she delights in smearing it across your cheek. 

“Messy baby, clean up after yourself. It’s basic,” she chides, thumb still rubbing at your face as if she were fixing up some runny mascara. “Be good now.”

You don’t dare to speak, just nod and look pleadingly up at her. Your core aches from neglect. 

She makes quick work of that, reaching down to feel the slick between your thighs. Humming, she smirks and very deliberately rubs her middle finger over your clit. You jerk up into her, mouth falling open even as you strangle your moan. 

“I could do anything to you, and you’d still want me.” 

Again, you nod. 

“Where did my little liar go?” she baits. You shake your head. “Say ‘thank you, mommy, for letting me breathe.’”

It takes you a moment to gather the brain cells and say: “Thank you, mommy.”

Her smile widens, teeth back to normal. “Again, for the lesson.”

“Thank you, mommy.”

She brings her hand down on your cunt, full strength. You scream, jolting away from her. Well, you would have if she hadn’t pressed you down by the chest, entirely uncaring about the wound she’d left there. Tears leak out the sides of your eyes, trickling into your hairline. 

“Thank me for that too,” she demands.

“Thank you,” you cry around a hiccup. 

One more spank, and another, and another. Your legs kick uselessly against the cushions, body twisting after every awful smack.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Your hole clenches around nothing, slick leaking onto the couch. Then, two fingers dip into you, and Nat thrusts them up hard and fast. She’d shoved them in on a contraction, and it hurts for a second before she’s curling her fingers into the velvet of your walls. 

She makes a pleased sound. “Tight as always. Makes me want to tear you in half, baby.”

You stare up at the ceiling. “Th-” She starts up a fast pace, digging her fingertips into your front wall. “Thank you!”

Her cheek rests on your chest, listening to the thunder of your heart. “We should try that big one.” Impossibly, your heart rate quickens at the thought, and you manage to shake your head. She laughs, the sound sharp and cruel, and music to your ears. “Maybe another time then.”

She sits up then, still working her fingers into your cunt, and moves her other hand to your mons. She pets gently over your labia, a sharp contrast to the vicious pace she’s keeping up. Your head spins. 

“My baby,” she breathes, “good enough to fucking eat.”

But she parts your folds to press her fingers into your clit, circling them once, twice, thrice, and you’re so close. So desperately close. 

She leans down, near delicate in her movements, and licks into your mouth. You taste copper and beer and the faintest sweetness. Urgently, you try to kiss back. 

If she’s mean, she’d pull back and deny you the chance to come with her mouth on yours. 

She must think that you’ve suffered enough, though, because she rubs her thumb at your clit and drives her fingers deeper into you, and you push up as far as you can into her body with a scream. You’re swallowed in molten heat, pleasure stripping away at you until you’re just bones on the couch. 

When you come to, Nat’s pulling out some bandages for your chest. You’re too tired to do or say anything, forced into silence by her dominance. 

She smiles at you, still not kind, but it doesn’t look bestial like before. Maybe just self-satisfied. She strokes your sweaty hair as she fixes you up, shushing you if you moan quietly from aftershocks or pain. You are in a lot of pain, bruised and scratched up as you are.

“Good girl,” she says when she’s done. 

Finally, you muster the energy to grab her hand and say, “Thank you.”

She lets you hold on for a few seconds before pulling away. “Sure.”

You wish she’d hold you for a bit, but you don’t vocalize it. She’s been through too much in the last few days; you shouldn’t burden her—

“Don’t be fucking needy,” she says, suddenly and harshly. Your face must have given you away. 

“I don’t mean to be,” you mutter, bringing your arm up to cover your eyes. Feeling stupid, feeling mad that you feel stupid, you say: “It would just be nice if you’d stay for a bit.”

A hand grabs your arm, yanking it away from your head, and you’re treated to a view of her scowl. “Where would I go?”

You didn’t mean it that way, but you don’t know how to get out of this hole you’ve dug yourself. “I-I don’t know.”

Out of nowhere, her hand slaps your cunt again, overstimulated, sore, puffy. You groan, curling in on yourself and hugging your knees to your chest. 

“Fuck, Nat.”

She takes the opportunity to sit down on the end of the couch, where your legs once were. The TV turns back on, and you hear her take a sip from her can of beer. “Clean up the hall later.”

At least she stayed.

[bakuhoes-dumbass]

Aberration - Chapter 3

MHA!Various x Fem!Reader

Thriller/Horror/Drama

Criminal!AU

Words: 2.8k

A/N: Third chap, here we go! It’ll start picking up soon. I know there isn’t much ‘horror’ rn, but it will get there, I promise. Also, I’m sorry Tamaki’s part is a bit longer than Hawks. I just adore Tamaki so much and he deserves the world and lots of hugs and kithes.

Warnings: Yandere Themes, Mentions of murder, blood, felonies, bullying, swearing. More to come.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of MHA, just this story. In no way does this reflect the characters, writers or VAs of the show/manga. MINORS DNI.

~~~

Aberration Masterlist

~~~

"Good afternoon Mr. Keigo, my name is Y/N and I'll-" You look up from your notes to see a half naked man with blonde hair and bright red bird wings lounging on his bed. Your jaw drops and you hold your clipboard up in front of your suddenly heated face.

Keigo looks over to you with his brows raised. "Well well, looks like we've got ourselves a new baby bird. How…" The handsome man's lips turn up into a cocky smirk.

"...interesting."

You peek over your clipboard to see his cocky smirk and hide your eyes again. "Keigo, would you please put on a shirt?"

He chuckles and wiggles his eyebrows. "What, too embarrassed to look at me, baby bird? I'll tell you what. You tell me who you are, and if you're single, and I'll cover myself."

"My name is Y/N. I'm the newest scientist in this facility, here to observe you, hoping it helps to find a cure. And there is no need for you to know my relationship status."

"Ah, ah, ah. If you don't tell me, you'll have to do this interview while gazing at my gorgeous body." You hear the cockiness in his voice.

"I swear to fu- fine, yes I'm currently happily single. Now, please put your shirt on." You mumble under your breath, "this is so inappropriate."

After a minute of rustling, Keigo leans back onto his bed. "Okay, my single baby bird. I'm all covered up for you."

You lower your clipboard just below your eyes to make sure, seeing the smirking bird man lounging on his bed with a shirt on. You finally lower your clipboard all the way before giving a curt nod. Making your way to the desk chair, you smile at the man.

"Thank you, Keigo. As I said before, my name is Y/N and I'm here to get to know you."

He snickers, "well, I'm here to answer any questions you have for me, baby bird. Fire away."

You sigh and open your notebook. "Must you call me such a name?"

"Awe, do you not like when I call you that?"

Sighing once more, you decide to just move on. You know you'll end up going in circles. "Please state your full name, age and date of birth for me."

"My name is Keigo Takami. I'm 28 years old. My birthday is December 28th." He paused to let you write that down before opening his mouth again. "Did you need my star sign and my relationship status? Well, I'm a Capricorn and I am definitely sin-"

"Nope, that's enough." You cut him off before he could ramble on even more. "Now, can you tell me what your quirk is exactly?"

Keigo blinks before turning around, the chains on his ankles clanking against the bed frame. Your eyes light up being able to actually see the giant, beautiful red bird wings coming from his back. You frowned slightly noticing they were pinned down, preventing him from being able to use them.

"Does that hurt? Having them pinned like that?" You tilt your head eyes following the edges of each feather.

Keigo lets out a quiet chuckle, eyeing you from over his shoulder. "A little. But nothing I can't handle. Why, is my baby bird worried about little ole me?"

Your frown turns into a glare and you clear your throat. "So, what exactly can you do with these wings of yours?"

Keigo's mouth twitches into a smirk as he turns back around to face you. "Well, I can fly. And I can also disconnect each feather from my wings and use them individually."

You nod, not wanting to show how impressed you were, knowing he'd make a crack at it. You finish writing down that information before asking your next question. "Now, can you tell me why you are here?"

"Getting down to the nitty-gritty, I see. Well, I was arrested and charged with Drug Trafficking, Forgery and Assault." You look at him, motioning him to continue. He shrugs. "There isn't much else to it. I'm a mafia leader. This shit happens on a daily basis, for years. Just so happened that I eventually got caught, on account of a leak in my group. Fortunately, for me, I use other people to do the killing for me. So that means they couldn't get me with murder." He cocks his head. "Unfortunately, though, trafficking and forgery are also felonies, so. That's why I'm here."

"So you spent your life moving copious amounts of drugs, forging money and assaulting clients who did you wrong?"

Keigo thinks about your words for a moment and nods. "Essentially, yes."

"Alright then." You stand up and bow your head to the mafia leader who was watching you carefully. "I will take my leave, as I have one more inmate to see before the end of my shift." You head towards the door, but pause for a moment. "Oh, and Keigo?" You turn your head to look at him over your shoulder. "Your wings are beautiful."

Keigo's eyes widen and his jaw drops slightly, watching you walk out that door. His face turns bright red after processing your words. He mutters under his breath, "oh, baby bird…"

After shutting the door behind you, you breathe out. Aizawa looks up from his phone. "How'd it go?"

You raise a brow, "what, you weren't watching me through the security cameras like before?"

"Oh, I was," he deadpanned. "But, visually, it didn't look as compromising as the last two visits. The cameras don't pick up audio."

"Well, besides the lack of clothing in the beginning and the incessant flirting, I was pleasantly surprised."

Aizawa looked at his watch. "Now, I think we have time for one more before we have to turn in paperwork and unchain the more dangerous inmates from their beds to give them some room to stretch out." Aizawa flips through the profiles before stopping on one. "How about Amajiki?"

You turn to his profile and scan the words in front of you. "A cannibal, huh. Well that's not something you see every day."

"I think he'd be good to end the day with. Despite him being, well, a cannibal, he's actually extremely reserved and quite timid. I don't think he'd try to hurt you or get close to you. He suffers from borderline personality disorder, as you see." Aizawa looks up from his notes and eyes you. "However, he is a level 10. He may come across as innocent and somewhat angelic, but remember, he is one of the most dangerous criminals in this facility. He has multiple murders under his belt. So just keep that in mind."

You nod your head, slightly bouncing with excitement. This one sounds quite interesting to you. You've never met a cannibal before and this one has a quirk that sounds intriguing. Aizawa sighs before turning away from Hawk's door and heading further down the long hallway. He stops in front of a heavy door and scans you in.

Once you step inside the white room, you furrow your brows, not really noticing anyone. That's when you hear a small whimper and a few muffled, stuttered words coming from the floor next to the bed.

"W-Who are you?"

You lean to the side to see an indigo-haired figure huddled against the wall between the desk and the bed. You notice his body is trembling, only his eyes visible through his bangs, his arms covering the rest of his face. Head tilted, you squat down from a distance and smile.

"Hi there, Amajiki. My name is Y/N. I'm the newest scientist at this facility. I'm here to talk to you and get to know you to help further our findings for a cure. I'd like to be friends, if that's possible." You reply gently. You can tell he's scared out of his mind.

He raises his head up, giving you a full view of his…

Muzzle?

"F-friends?"

Your eyes widen slightly. The bottom half of Amajiki's face, from his nose to under his chin, is completely covered by a silver muzzle. It's strapped around his head and locked in place by a padlock. Your eyes travel down to see his wrists chained together with quirk cancelling cuffs and, as you expected, both of his ankles are chained to the heavy duty bed frame.

"They have you muzzled like that?" You stare in disbelief, slightly angered at the treatment. You understand that he's a known cannibal, but to strap that heavy muzzle around his head on top of chains already weighing him down.

Amajiki nods shyly, "y-yeah. I guess it's because of the whole e-eating people… thing."

You sit yourself down on the floor across from him, your notes in your lap. "Is it uncomfortable?" He nods slowly, his eyes avoiding yours. You give him a small smile. "I'm sorry."

His eyes shoot to yours, confusion flashing through them. "Why are you sorry?"

"It...seems like a lot of you are possibly being mistreated here. I've noticed a few things here and there."

Amajiki's brows furrow. "And why should you care? W-We're criminals."

"True. However, this facility isn't supposed to be judge, jury and executioner. You're entitled to a fair trial, just like everyone else. That includes not being mistreated." Your smile never leaves your face as you look the man in the eyes. "I am not only here to research a cure, but make sure in doing so, it won't harm any of you. It'll be humane, I promise." Amajiki just stares at you with an unreadable expression. You sigh and click your pen. "Do you mind if I ask you some questions, Amajiki?" He shakes his head but stays quiet.

"Can you please state your full name, age and date of birth?"

"U-um. Tamaki Amajiki, 25, March 4th."

"Thank you. And what is your quirk?"

Amajiki hugs his knees tighter. "I-It's called Manifestation. Essentially, whatever I eat and digest, I can manifest as a body part."

Your leg bounces in excitement. "So, if you were to eat, let's say, Takoyaki, you can turn your hand into tentacles?" He nods his head. Your eyes light up. "That is incredible, Amajiki. That's such a powerful quirk!"

Amajiki's eyes widened, a blush spreading across his cheeks that were partially hidden under his muzzle. This is the first time he's ever been thankful to have this thing attached to his face. "U-um, t-thanks."

You let out a soft giggle and continue writing in your notes. "Here's a little bit more of a difficult question, Amajiki. Can you please tell me why you are incarcerated in this facility?"

Amajiki stays quiet, not looking at you. You notice his hesitation. You think for a moment before looking around the room. Amajiki sneaks a glance at you, watching you look around the room. His brows furrow. "W-What are you…"

You finally spot the locations of the camera and move your body so your back was facing it. Ignoring his question, you place your pen down directly in front of you so only Amajiki can see. You furrow your brows in concentration and stick your tongue out as you hover your hand over your pen. To Amajiki's utter shock, the pen starts floating in the air.

"Y-You have a quirk?!"

You nod your head and release the pen from your power. "Yeah, I do. It's nothing fancy like yours, but it is a mutation, nonetheless. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who understands more of your situation than you might think. So that's why I wanted to show you." You smile at the man, who is looking at you with pure adoration. "Please, keep this to yourself. I don't know what Aizawa would do if he found out about it." 

"I-I won't tell anyone, I promise."

You giggle and sit back down in your original spot. "Thank you. Now, can you please tell me why you're in this facility?"

He nods his head, still slightly dazed about this new-found information. "I was charged with multiple counts of 1st degree murder a-and…" his voice drops to a whisper, "s-serial cannibalism."

You couldn't help your interest in the subject and started rambling. "Would you be so kind as to explain how this came about? Did you grow up into a family of cannibals or-"

"NO!" He lashes out, causing you to flinch slightly. He winces as your reaction, not intending to scare you. "N-no. Nothing like that. It happened… against my will, so to say?" Amajiki sighs and rests his chin on his arms, not meeting your eyes. "I was one of the only kids in my small town to have been born with a mutation. My parents tried to hide it, tried to hide me. I don't know if it was from fear of people hurting me or fear of everyone judging them for having me."

He blinks a few times before continuing. "The town I lived in was small, a bad side to say the least. Lots of low-lifes and gangs running around. Well, long story short, someone found out about me and what my quirk was. They kidnapped me and…" He trails off. Suddenly, his eyes snapped to yours, an uncomfortable and intense feeling overwhelming you. "They forced me to eat another person, someone with a quirk. They wanted to see if I could turn their power into my own."

He cocks his head and lets out a cackle, still making eye contact with you. "Can you believe that?! It actually worked! So what did they do? They forced me to eat ANOTHER quirk user. They wanted to turn me into an ultimate weapon." Amajiki lets out a strange noise, sounding like a mixture between a guttural sob and a laugh. "Well, the joke was on them in the end. I ended up killing and eating them in the end and escaping. But after that point, something mutated further in my quirk. I couldn't stop craving human flesh." He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. "A-And that's why I'm here now."

Your eyes are wide and your breath is heavy. Something inside you feels a sense of panic, looking at the clearly broken man in front of you. It's so much information to take in, you stay quiet for awhile, your body on high alert. Amajiki notices how quiet you are and he opens his eyes. He notices a terrified look on your face and internally panics.

"W-Wait, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I-I'm not going to hurt you." He finally moves out from his huddled form and kneels instead, the sound of chains clinking together snapping you out of it. "I-I would n-never hurt you." He whispers the last part, hoping you wouldn't hear it.

You clear your throat after taking a few deep breaths. "T-Thank you for telling me this, Amajiki. It was really brave of you to relive those experiences." You look at him and notice the fear and concern in his face. Giving him a small smile, you close your notebook. "I'm fine, I promise." You stand up on shaky legs and bow your head. "I need to get going."

Amajiki quickly stands up, making you slightly flinch again, which doesn't go unnoticed by him. "Y-You're leaving already? Will I get to see you again?"

"You will. I'm an employee here now, so I'll be the one to check up on all the inmates and work on everyone's individual sessions." You turn your back and walk to the door. "I'll see you later, Amajiki."

The indigo-haired man watches you walk through his door, longing written across his face. The only thing running through his mind are thoughts of the pretty telekinesis that made his heart race.

Once out the door, Aizawa meets you in the hallway. "How'd it go with the man-eater?"

You scowl at the doctor. "Why do you say things like that? He has a name."

"He's a criminal, Y/N. They're all criminals. Shouldn't matter what we call them." He rolls his eyes. "Just come with me. We have to finish our paperwork before the end of the day."

You grumble under your breath but follow the tired-looking doctor to his office. "You also need to prepare yourself for tomorrow. You will be meeting Kaminari, Midoriya, Shinso, Bakugo, Todoroki, Dabi and Kai. And 5 out of the 7 are level 8 and above."

~~~

Taglist: @theblueslytherin @sterassion @somechick30003 @meena-in-a-nutshell @justtj-andnonumberspls @zombieonna @amajikiwife @yulifee @atexansadventureintokinkandlife @ep-ip-ha-ny @hcneymilkks @pastelmoonwitche @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @railmeddy @unlimitedfirepheonix @confaegion @drownedbytears @burntcrips @megumitodoroki @the-lady-writes-what @awkward-confused @themotherofmoons @ihaveakoreanseoul @1-800-multifandomness @dabis-s-whore @tragically-here @andyronii @sunnnyshark @henhouse-horrors @maggiecc @tspice283 @orenjineki @aaannabbanana @letskidaddle @yzviea @jjk-is-my-shit  @iwachanslove

[If your name is bolded, I wasn’t able to tag you]

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Oh shit, I never told you that Merlin isn’t my actual name??

Igraine reveals… one hell of a secret, and not the one you’re thinking of:

Part 2   Part 3   Part 4(final part)(coming soon)

TW: Uther being a Jackass I guess?

Arthur knows about his dumbass servant’s magic. He wasn’t best pleased, in fact, he was furious when he first found out; how is supposed to protect his servant-turned-best-friend-except-that’s-super-secret-even-from-himself if he’s off doing stupid shit like Sorcery in Camelot?!

He was a lot more sympathetic when Merlin explained that he’d been born with it, and that his destiny was, literally, tied to Arthur’s. That, mixed with the fact that Arthur tended to get himself into a LOT of trouble, without even realising it most of the time, means Merlin has no choice but to be doing stupid shit like Sorcery in Camelot.

Merlin is currently giving Arthur the silent treatment, not that Arthur seems to notice. The two of them were waiting for Morgause to finish whatever it is she was doing to, apparently, allow Arthur to speak to his mother.

She doesn’t take long, and though Merlin keeps his distrustful gaze on her the whole time, he still can’t quite tell what it is Morgause has done. She looks to them with a blank expression, though her focus is mainly on Arthur as she gestures him forward:

“It’s ready, Prince Arthur. Close your eyes, both of you.”

Arthur frowns briefly but does as told. Merlin raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms, and staring Morgause down; she rolls her eyes and huffs quietly when she realises that he isn’t going to take his eyes off her, but gives in, turning away and performing some sort of simple looking (though Merlin gets the distinct impression that it isn’t simple) ritual.

The Witch lets out a deep breath and steps back, and Merlin’s hard stare is finally drawn away from her when a shower of golden sparks materialises in a cloud in front of The Prince.

Arthur opens his eyes to see Igraine standing there, practically glowing, looking every bit the glorious Queen she once was. She gives him a soft smile, and Arthur can only stare, his mouth moving of it’s own accord:

“Mother?”

Merlin stares on in suspicion as Igraine’s smile grows:

“My son.”

She pulls him forward into a tight hug, and though Arthur had started off forcing himself to be wary, he falls into the hug easily, struggling to hold his tears in. They pull back after far too short of a time, and though Merlin was still distrustful, he wishes she had held Arthur just a little longer.

Merlin’s heart breaks as Arthur goes on to apologise for being born, but his feelings quickly turn to anger as Igraine explains the truth, how his people were being hunted, burned, vilified, all because Uther was too much of a hypocrite to admit his mistakes or listen to reason; but he couldn’t lash out now, this time was for Arthur, not him.

Igraine’s face falls even further, and she grips Arthur’s shoulders tightly:

“But we do not have time to talk of this, I can feel the other side pulling me back, I must be quick. Arthur, my son, you have a brother, and you must find him.”

Merlin’s eyes go wide and he tenses in place; this had better not be some twisted trick on Morgause’s part to destroy Arthur, because he would destroy her in return if it was. And he would do it in a far messier way. Arthur just looks shocked:

“A brother? How?!”

Igraine smiles mournfully:

“A twin. He was so small when he was born, I thought he wouldn’t make it, but though I can’t see his face, I know he lives, I can feel it. He had hair dark as the night sky, a complete contrast to your golden wisps-”

She lifts a soft, gentle hand, and runs it through Arthur’s hair with a smile:

“-but his eyes, oh his eyes were just as golden as your hair, before they faded to the colour of the sky.”

Arthur gasped but Merlin tensed even further, certain that this must be some sort of trick:

“He was magic?”

Igraine smiles again and nods:

“It’s not common, but not completely unheard of for people to be born magic. Your brother was, and it was beautiful.-”

He smile falls into something more angry, though she’s clearly trying to hide it:

“-Your father... did something. I do not know what; by the time my soul was restful enough to be able to look back upon the world, it was too late, he was gone somewhere I could not see. I know he still lives, your father was too much of a coward to admit his mistakes, but too much of a hypocrite to keep to his convictions and destroy the child, which I can be grateful for. I feared he had been sent far away, but you must find him, restore his heritage.”

Arthur nods vigorously, his eyes wide and desperate, and Merlin finds himself desperate to believe that this spirit is true and genuine:

“What else can you tell me about him? Do you know where he is? What he looks like now?”

Igraine’s face falls into a soft smile again, though she shakes her head mournfully:

“He is powerful, extremely so. I worried he was dead until I suddenly felt him; he appeared in Camelot, around three and a half years ago. His power is vast, I can sense it stretching for miles and miles, though I can not pinpoint the epicentre; he is somewhere within the Kingdom, you must find him.”

Merlin frowns in confusion, stepping forward to interrupt, though he desperately doesn’t want to:

“Did you name him? Your son?”

Igraine looks to him suddenly, as if she weren’t aware they had company, but quickly turns almost her full attention to Merlin with a soft smile:

“You. You looked after my boy, thank you. Thank you for all that you have done. And yes-”

She looks back to Arthur:

“-I named him, though I whispered it with my last breaths, Uther would certainly not have used it, and I do not know if Gaius heard me.”

Arthur responds quietly, his cracking voice heavy with too many emotions to name:

“What is it? What’s my... my brother’s name?”

“Myrddin.”

Merlin takes in a quiet gasp, and Arthur, always with at least one half of his brain focused on his manservant, turns to him:

“You know that name?! Merlin, do you know someone in Camelot with that name?”

Merlin just stares at Igraine, his eyes wide and his hands shaking:

“How... how do you think he got out of Camelot? How would Uther have sent him away?”

Igraine’s face is confused, but mostly curious as she takes a step towards him, still with one hand on Arthur’s shoulder:

“Gaius and Balinor possibly, perhaps Nimueh, though I imagine she fled rather quickly. They were Uther’s closest friends before the purge, and they all practised magic, they would have been... sympathetic, tried to help the child. Why? Are Arthur’s questions relevant? Do you know my son??”

Merlin’s eyes flickered between the two of them, but when Arthur says his name again, his voice nothing short of desperate, his gaze fixes on The Prince:

“Arthur, I... I never told you, because I didn’t think it was... relevant, but... Merlin isn’t my real name.”

Arthur recoils, shocked, and utters a dumbfounded “What?!”. Merlin gulps, and looks to Igraine briefly before resuming his fearful, and slightly confused, stare on Arthur:

“When I was young, my magic was still strong, but I had no control over it. I would subconsciously summon animals to my side constantly. Mostly small things, but the occasional stag or bear would wander through the village to find me. But... but what came most often where the birds; the village is essentially in the middle of a forest, and... and there were thousands of merlins. So I got that as a nickname, Merlin, and it just stuck.”

Arthur just shakes his head, caught off guard but mostly just annoyed:

“You heard my mother, Merlin, we don’t have much time, what is this-”

Merlin interrupts him:

“Just listen!! My real name.... it’s Myrddin.-”

Igraine takes in a quiet gasp, mumbling more to herself than anyone else “Gaius heard me.” but Arthur just stares. Merlin holds his gaze, but after a few moments, he looks back to Igraine:

“-My mother... she... she wouldn’t lie to me, nor would Gaius... this... it’s a mistake. It’s... it’s a common name, right?!”

Igraine responds in a hushed tone, though Arthur barely moves, still staring at Merlin as though he had gained a new head:

“Show me some magic, my boy.”

Merlin stutters and shakes his head, laughing incredulously before he notices her pleading face and looks to Arthur, almost for permission. The Prince gulps before nodding, just once, and Merlin lets out a deep breath. He holds his hand out in front of him, palm up, and without even needing to mutter a spell, a single flower grows; a Camelot-red Tulip, it’s petals dipped in gold.

When his eyes fade back to blue, he looks up to see the others’ reactions: Arthur is smiling softly, always eager to see Merlin’s magic, as if he had forgotten the situation at hand, but Igraine... oh, Igraine was staring at him with such wonder, tears slipping down her pale cheeks.

Merlin drops the flower without a second though and shakes his head minutely, but Igraine just nods, allowing the hand on Arthur’s shoulder to slip down to his hand so she could tug him forward, towards Merlin:

“Myrddin, my boy, my son. You came home all on your own.”

Merlin just shakes his head again and steps back:

“No. No this... this isn’t real, this is a trick, or... or something. How do we prove it? How do we know you’re not lying or some trap laid by Morgause?!”

Igraine sighs, but nods, understanding:

“Ask Gaius and your... your mother, and thank her for me, for raising you with so much love. The doorway is closing, I can feel it.-”

Her gaze moves lovingly between then two of them, and when she steps forward once more, she takes Merlin’s hand before he can move away, pulling the two of them into a tight hug:

“-I am so endlessly proud of you both, and I love you, always.”

She fades from the air, and within seconds Arthur’s arms are falling in on themselves, nothing under them to hold their weight and forceful pressure.

The Prince’s head whips towards Morgause, who until that point had been completely forgotten about:

“Bring her back!”

Her stare is fixed on a frozen Merlin, though she slowly looks to Arthur when he takes an intimidating step towards her and goes to open his mouth again:

“I can’t. The doorway closes of it’s own accord, I can’t bring her back again. But that was... unexpected. I apologise, you shouldn’t have had to find out like that.”

Arthur shakes his head angrily at her denial, but quickly refocuses and looks to Merlin, who still hasn’t moved an inch. He puts a soft hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly until the other man looks at him; Arthur isn’t quite sure what he was expecting, but Merlin’s eyes to be filling with tears definitely wasn’t it:

“I... this can’t be real. My mother, Gaius, Kilgharrah, they all would’ve known. Why wouldn’t they tell me?”

Arthur pulls him into a hug, silently vowing to stop Merlin’s suffering as soon as he’s possibly able, that they would discover the truth no matter what. Merlin’s arms just hang limply at his sides, though he does push his face into Arthur’s neck as The prince responds:

“I... I don’t know, Merlin. Maybe they thought it would get in the way of that destiny of yours, maybe they were waiting for my... for The King to pass.-”

He pulls back, but keeps his hands on Merlin’s shoulders:

“-Lets just... get back to Camelot, and we can figure it out. We can go downstairs to talk to Kilgharrah.”

Merlin shakes his head, stepping back and wiping his sleeve over his eyes roughly before walking purposefully towards the horses:

“No, he’s the least likely to be honest, we’ll talk to Gaius. Though if any of this is true... I’m having some bloody harsh words with my... with Hunith.”

Arthur flinches slightly at the anger in Merlin’s voice, but after a quick glance to a slowly retreating Morgause, he follows him to the horses and they start the fast paced journey back to Camelot. The only words exchanged, around an hour in, were Merlin’s quiet, humourless:

“Gwaine’s never going to believe this.”

And Arthur’s responding snort of derisive amusement.

~

They manage to stay out of sight when they arrive back in the city, which is good really. Arthur’s lowly simmering rage had been reaching taller and taller heights with every pound of the horses’ hooves against the hard ground. But before he confronts his father, they need confirmation, in the form of Gaius.

They stalk quietly through the castle, using servant corridors and hidden passages to avoid being seen, but all bets are off when they reach the Physician’s chambers.

Gaius looks up with a quiet gasp when the two men burst in, locking the door behind them. Arthur’s blank stare and Merlin’s barely concealed anger force his shock and relief to morph into confusion:

“Merlin, Prince Arthur, where on Earth have you been? The King has been panicking, sending out patrol after patrol to search for you.”

Arthur’s face remains blank, and when Gaius looks to him for an answer he just moves his gaze to Merlin, allowing him to determine the pace of this much needed conversation. Merlin’s dark gaze is now fixed on the floor, though his jaw and hands are tightly clenched, and his breathing is shaky in his anger. His voice comes out lethally quiet, and Arthur can tell that it’s only a matter of time before he explodes:

“Gaius, what’s my name?”

Gaius just looks slightly taken aback, like he hasn’t quite grasped Merlin’s meaning despite its plainness:

“My boy, whatever are you-”

He’s interrupted when Merlin looks up at him sharply, his eyes blazing and his face turning slightly red:

“It’s a simple question Gaius: What’s. My. Name?-”

Gaius’ eyes flicker to Arthur in confusion, but Merlin breaks from his near frozen stature, moving with a speed that Arthur had never seen in him before to slam his hand on the table:

“No, don’t look at him, look at me. What’s my name, Gaius?!”

Gaius nods, his eyes sad as he gulps before answering quietly:

“Myrddin, but you already knew that.”

Merlin takes a deep breath and nods, his fingers tapping rhythmically, though a tad aggressively, against the table. Arthur goes to step forward to put a calming hand on his shoulder but Merlin shoots him a withering look and he stays back. Merlin’s hard stare returns to the resigned physician:

“And my parents?”

Gaius gulps again but straightens his posture, putting up a confused façade, though it’s easy to see through:

“Hunith is your-”

Merlin slams his hand on the table again, much harder this time, and a voice in the back of Arthur’s head—the one at the forefront was spitting obscenities and planning rather gruesome ways to murder his father—makes a note to check his hand later, a hit like that had likely broken something, though Merlin was clearly too furious and confused and upset to notice:

“DON’T LIE TO ME!”

Gaius is taken aback at Merlin’s bitter yell, but he softens again at the tears on his ward’s cheeks; he collapses into a chair on the other side of the table, rubbing his eyes tiredly before looking up at the distraught man:

“Uther and Igraine Pendragon. You are a year older than your mo- than Hunith led you to believe, and you are Arthur’s twin brother.-”

Arthur turns away angrily, vocalising the curses that had been playing on a loop in his mind, and Merlin nods, pushing his injured hand into the table without even realising:

“-I am so sorry, my-”

Merlin shakes his head and holds a hand up to stop him but doesn’t say anything, not pulling away this time when Arthur steps into place beside him and puts a hand on his shoulder, waving the other one aggressively at the elderly physician:

“You had no right, no right to keep this from us. I grew up being taught to hate magic, miserable and alone, and Merlin grew up hating himself, just as miserable and alone, if not more so. You had no right to take us away from each other.-”

Gaius goes to respond, but Arthur stops his excuses before they even make it past his throat:

“-No. There is no excusing this, you and my father took my brother from me, and there will be no forgiving that. I’ve known about Merlin’s magic and our entwined destinies for over a year, you’ve had every opportunity to tell us, but you didn’t. That’s not even mentioning the nature of my... our mother’s death. You are a coward, and in your cowardice you have been cruel; I will not stand for it. Where is my- where is The King?”

Gaius nods slowly, standing on almost wobbling legs before gesturing to the door:

“The King is with Sir Leon trying to figure out where to look next, they’re in the council chamber. You are right, and I am sor-”

Arthur cuts him off with a sharp gesture and a dark look, taking Merlin’s uninjured wrist and pulling him towards the door. The servant (Prince?) follows easily, unable to meet Gaius’ gaze and allowing Arthur to drag him briskly through the corridors towards the council chamber.

By the time they reach the chamber, Merlin has broken out of his stupor, wiped his tears, and pulled his wrist from Arthur’s grip, instead walking alongside him and using just as much force when they both push the doors open and stride in.

Uther and Leon both look up rapidly, startled at the sudden intrusion, but whilst Leon looks relieved and sends the two of them a small smile, Uther looks angry:

“Arthur. Where have you been? I have had search parties out looking for you. Arthur?”

Arthur doesn’t answer for a few moments, but a glance at Merlin by his side gives him the confidence boost he needs and he straightens his back, draws his sword, and stares The King right in the eyes:

“I know what you did to my mother, and I know what you... what you took from me.”

Uther stands tall, glancing to Leon briefly as he announces:

“Leave us. No one is to enter.”

Leon looks between the three other men, but doesn’t make it to his second step towards the door before Arthur has his sword pointed at his chest, though The Prince’s gaze stays on his father. Leon knows it’s less of a genuine threat and more of a way of emphasising his words, but that doesn’t stop him from taking a slight, wary step back:

“No, Sir Leon, you will stay.”

Leon glances nervously to the red-faced King, but doesn’t move. Uther looks furious at Arthur’s denial of his orders, but The Prince pays him no mind, finally turning to look at Leon with a slightly softer look in his eyes:

“Sir Leon, do you bear witness?”

Leon frowns slightly, looking between Arthur, Uther, and Merlin once again, frown deepening as he spies the unshed tears in Merlin’s eyes and the purple bruise forming over one of his hands. He finally looks back to Arthur, moving to stand to attention with one hand held over his heart and the other resting on the hilt of his sword:

“My Lord Prince Arthur Pendragon, I, Sir Leon, bear witness.”

Uther just splutters angrily, but Leon pointedly keeps his gaze on Arthur until The Prince nods at him and is the first to look away. Merlin had stayed silent the entire time, but visibly relaxes when Leon swears to stay, and that just makes the knight even more curious; this seems to be just as much about Merlin as it did Arthur’s parents.

The Prince moves his gaze—and his sword—to be pointed at The King once more, and he takes a deep breath before forcing the words from his mouth:

“You used magic, against my mother’s will, so that you could conceive. Is this true?”

Uther huffs angrily, gaze dashing to the other two men before it settles on Arthur again:

“This is preposterous, Morgause has lied to you.”

Leon is practically holding his breath at the side of the room; he can clearly tell that Arthur is moments away from striking his own father down, but does he interfere? Does he let it happen? And he still has no clue what’s bothering Merlin so much, other than the obvious pain in his hand.

Arthur takes slow steps towards Uther, inching the blade closer and closer to his throat:

“You are the one that’s lying. You started a genocide because you insisted on blaming magic for your own mistakes, and that’s not even the worst thing you did.-”

Arthur lets out an incredulous laugh, and Uther takes a step back as Leon tenses and Merlin stays blank:

“-I had a brother, a twin born with magic. You were too much of a coward to admit your mistakes but too much of a hypocrite to stick to your convictions, so you sent him away instead of killing him.-”

Uther goes pale, taking another stumbled step back as Leon’s eyes go wide, his gaze jumping to Merlin with a sudden, dreaded clarity.

(Perhaps Leon had picked up on Merlin’s magic a few months ago, and perhaps he had come to the conclusion that the younger man was the best protector Arthur could have.)

“-Do you even know his name? Mother said you would likely refuse to use it, but do you even know what it is?!”

Uther quickly regains his anger, his fury snapping into place as he gestures threateningly and thunders:

“It was an abomination! A creature of magic that destroyed your mother and almost tainted you! I should have slaughtered it where it lay-”

Merlin takes in a sudden breath at his words and Leon clenches his jaw; itching to comfort the younger man, but knowing that he wouldn’t exactly be welcomed right now. He’s meant to be here as an impartial third party.

Arthur throws his gauntlet down before Uther can finish his aggressive assertion, and Merlin gulps, moving properly for the first time since he’d entered the room. He grabs Arthur’s arm and pulls him back slightly:

“Arthur you can’t, he’s your... he’s The King.”

Arthur glances to him:

“I don’t care, he took you from me, he had no right.-”

He looks back to Uther, who is now staring at Merlin with a shocked venom. No one notices the way Leon quietly draws his sword; impartial his arse, he’d protect Arthur and Merlin to his dying breath:

“-You are the abomination, and you will pay for your crimes. Perhaps you should’ve sent Myrddin, that’s his name by the way, further afield, perhaps I’d have been more inclined to keep you alive until I found him. Pick it up.”

Uther’s gaze doesn’t move from Merlin as his face grows redder and redder. He doesn’t look down to the gauntlet, nor does he look at Arthur, nor does he notice Leon creeping closer:

“You. You foul, hellish, beast!”

Without another second’s of hesitation, he lunges forward and draws his sword all in one move. Arthur reacts too slowly, not expecting The King to attack Merlin instead of him, and Uther pushes him out of the way, swinging the sword down harshly toward Merlin’s chest before Arthur can block him. Merlin is too shocked and angry and scared and upset to even think of using his magic, so just stumbles back helplessly, falling and landing harshly on his already broken hand, yelping slightly.

Before anyone can even blink, Leon is there, stood over Merlin with blazing eyes and his sword raised. He parries the King easily, and by the time Uther has processed one of his own knights turning against him, Merlin has scrambled back, injured arm held to his chest, and Arthur has moved to stand at Leon’s side, sword raised.

Uther can only stare in furious bewilderment, but it doesn’t take him long to concede that he has been outmatched. He calls for the guards, though once they’ve spilled into the room, six in total, they stutter to a confused stop when they see The Prince and The First Knight seemingly defending a servant (a well-loved, well-known servant), from The King.

Arthur, without looking away from Uther, speaks harshly, his voice controlled and forceful and, frankly, Kingly:

“Arrest The King and escort him to his rooms. Remove all weapons and bar the windows and doors, I want him under constant guard.”

Uther screeches angrily, both at Arthur’s words and the fact that the guards make no moves to detain The Prince and the knight, like he clearly wants. Before he can actually say anything, Arthur speaks again, his voice even louder than before, first to the guards:

“NOW!-”

And then back to Uther:

“-You will either be arrested for your crimes, both against our family name and humanity as a whole, or I will kill you where you stand.”

Uther tries his best to stare Arthur down, but there really is no competing with the fire in his eyes, and it only takes one short nod from Leon for the guards to step forward and confiscate The King’s sword before they pull his arms around his back and push him towards the door. He digs his heels in and begins screeching again, though they can only make out the odd word, it’s mostly just “BETRAYAL!” and “SORCERY!” and “HOW DARE YOU!”. Arthur pulls Merlin to his feet gently, frowning at his purple wrist and knuckles before sighing and rolling his eyes, nodding to Uther and muttering, just loud enough for Merlin and Leon to hear:

“I don’t suppose you could do something about that, could you?”

Merlin looks shocked, but huffs out a gentle laugh when Arthur just raises his eyebrow in question. He looks to Uther just as the guards struggle to open the door, muttering a quiet spell under his breath, his eyes flashing golden. Leon takes in a slow breath at the obvious display of sorcery; he’d been constantly on edge since he discovered Merlin’s talent, desperately fearful that someone would find out. Thankfully, the guards are entirely focused on the task at hand.

Uther quickly goes quiet, his head drooping, and Arthur grimaces as the guards struggle to hold his sudden dead weight. He has to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing aloud when they turn to him with questioning looks; he just nods and gestures regally for them to keep going.

Soon, the room is quiet again, only the three men remaining. Leon looks between them apprehensively but Arthur just takes a fortifying breath before focusing his attention on Merlin’s arm, holding it gently in front of him and frowning worriedly:

“I’m guessing you haven’t gotten any better at healing magic since the arrow incident?”

Merlin scoffs and rolls his eyes:

“That wasn’t my fault, you’re the one that yanked it out of my shoulder and left the damn head in. And for your information, yes actually, I’ve been practicing. But I really think we have more important things to deal with at the moment, like the fact that the council is going to freak out when they find out you had The King arrested.”

Arthur shakes his head, giving Merlin a firm look:

“Merls, I just found out that you’re my twin brother, you are the important thing right now. Heal your hand, I don’t care how long it takes. Leon will take care of the council until we get there.”

He looks pointedly to Leon, and the knight nods, clearing his throat with a confused frown as he replies:

“What... uh... what would you like me to tell them, My Lord? Before your arrival? And where would you like them?”

Arthur smiles, grateful that Leon knows to take cues from him, knows what to focus on, knows that he is being trusted:

“Take them to the Throne Room. Tell them that Uther has been forcibly removed from the throne, that I have discovered the existence of my magical twin brother, whom I intend to have announced as Crown Prince within the week, and that I plan to legalise magic.”

Merlin, already pale and shaky, flinches, starting up with a “But I don’t want-” but Arthur cuts him off with a harsh, though fond glare, looking back to Leon to see the knight’s face shocked and pale. He purses his lips, before humming thoughtfully and speaking again:

“Actually... that probably wouldn’t be for the best. Just inform them that it’s an emergency, reassure them we haven’t started a war or anything, and tell them I’ll be arriving shortly.”

Leon visibly relaxes and nods, giving Merlin a soft smile and ruffling his hair quickly before striding from the room. Merlin huffs at the affection, but Arthur can tell he’s secretly pleased and copies Leon’s fond smile. Merlin looks to him confusedly:

“Why will the council have to wait? It’ll only take a few moments to heal myself.”

Arthur raises an eyebrow, nodding at Merlin’s hand pointedly and crossing his arms as if he were expecting failure. Merlin just rolls his eyes before looking down to his injury and muttering a few words, grimacing as his knuckles realign, and the bruise recedes. It doesn’t disappear completely, but the bones and deeper muscle tears have obviously repaired themselves, and Merlin looks very proud of himself as he looks back to Arthur:

“That’s the best I can be bothered to manage-”

Arthur huffs disapprovingly but knows he isn’t going to get any better than that:

“-so why are the council waiting?”

Arthur sighs, putting a hand on Merlin’s shoulder and leading him to the door:

“Well, you look one stiff breeze away from keeling over, and I imagine you’ll want to speak to Gwaine?”

Merlin looks to him suspiciously, but allows Arthur to lead him through the castle towards where Gwaine was almost certainly pacing worriedly in his rooms:

“I thought you didn’t approve of Gwaine?”

Arthur grins wolfishly:

“Oh, I don’t, especially now that I know that you’re a Prince, and my brother, but it’s my duty as the oldest to threaten him more than I already have.”

Merlin stops suddenly in the corridor and pulls Arthur back:

“Hang on a minute you prat, first off, when have you ever threatened Gwaine? And second, who said you’re the oldest?”

Arthur’s smile just grows and he grabs Merlin’s uninjured wrist to start pulling him down the corridor again:

“Literally the day I found out he was attempting to court you, which was about a month before you figured it out by the way,-”

Merlin grumbles, but doesn’t argue:

“-and I’m the oldest because I said so, and mother said naming you was... was one of the last things she did, so you obviously came out second, idiot.”

Merlin rolls his eyes yet again, but doesn’t say anything as they come to a stop outside of Gwaine’s room. He takes a deep breath, and Arthur moves his hand up to his shoulder again, giving him a small smile and a supportive nod. 

The Warlock knocks on the door, and Gwaine opens immediately. The knight relaxes significantly when he sees that it’s the two of them back from God knows where, though he tenses again as his eyes run over them; he takes note of Merlin’s red eyes, injured wrist, and generally shaky demeanour. He also quickly catches on to the protective way Arthur is standing behind him, and the way The Prince’s loose hand shakes slightly with left over adrenaline.

Despite himself, Merlin relaxes and smiles when he sees Gwaine; with everything that had been going on he hadn’t really had a chance to think about how much he missed him, about how much he needed his support.

Gwaine pulls them into the room quickly, shutting the door behind him and turning around to see Merlin looking at him sheepishly, and Arthur staring at him with a predatory smile:

“What happened? Where have you been? Is everything ok?!”

~

End of Part 1!!

Hope y’all enjoyed this!! I probably could’ve fitted more in, but I figured this was a good point to stop. Part 2 and 3 are out (link @ top), part 4 won’t be too long!!

Drop comments and things lads, I love y’all!!