#( she says i remind her of home

[sgiandubh]

Miss Canada and Canada Day

Dear 'Oh Canada, Our Home and Native Land' Anon,

I, too, wiped a fond, sentimental tear, while being reminded it was Canada Day today. Such beautiful personal memories of a totally impromptu Sweet Sixteen party, somewhere in Nova Scotia!

Ahem. Back to our monotheme, I hope you also noticed the MPC logo on top of the perfunctory 'Happy [insert country name here] Day':

The layout gave me airline magazine, not harem vibes, Anon. And yes, I know once upon a time June Brunette was Miss Universe Canada. In 2006.

Who the hell remembers Sarah and Lauren, anymore? Thinking of The Brazilian Fan who could have sworn her little💘out that she saw an organic couple having lunch on that Fateful London Afternoon. And then proceeded to publish a lengthy Shipper Insult 101 for everyone to see (https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/750212524028362752/five-minutes-of-instagram-fame). I hope she really felt reality bite and her looking like the Global Fool she really is, now.

Oh, how the mighty quickly fall to oblivion! Who remembers Purse Holding S, @ Hyrox London, anymore? Who remembers the rabid Anons, demanding to know where Scottish Xena was, and with whom and why?

*crickets*

And for all of the above, in the unforgettable South Park parlance...

I have to say, it's spot on, at times. At least until The Next UFO hits the fandom with renewed hysteria and collective amnesia, that is.

[thezanyarthropleura]

rewatching the Dinotopia 13-episode miniseries and just wanted to say I concur with a lot of your takes. Hopefully it's ok to infodump about it in your askbox?

26 is adorable and heart-stealing (as is Karl's love for her) and she still looks so lifelike even after 20 years since the show's airing--the combination of lower-tech puppetry and higher-tech animatronics just hits perfectly. I just want to hold her and carry her around and tickle her little head. I feel weird calling her 'lifelike' considering none of us have seen Chasmosaurs(sp?) in the flesh, but the way she blinks and shakes her head and squeals just feels authentic somehow?

'Contact' is one of my favourite episodes as well, as it legitimises this version of Karl who in earlier episodes risked coming across as trivial/annoying/shallow (I love this Karl fwiw, more than the previous 'better' series' take). The connection between Karl & Gracie is so touching and raw, and it seems like the most important thing that happened to Karl at that stage in his life, as well as a turning point in the way he relates to female peers. While I am a fan of Karl's himbo side, I appreciated seeing him finally show expertise and determination in something other than mixing drinks and flirting and wheeler-dealing, as well--after all, he's Frank's favourite son and an adventurer in his own right, why shouldn't he be capable? (we also saw his resourcefulness in 'Lose & Found').

As for Lesage, your thoughts about her past relationship with Rosemary really have me thinking as well. The reference to their fling was so fleeting that I missed it first time around, but it's definitely critical to understanding both their characters imo. Lesage definitely seems the free-spirited fiery rebellious type to run off with a woman to have sapphic adventures in the wild, even if it took said sapphic partner to bring that out of her (and it's SO interesting that Rosemary was *Lesage's* closet key). What would Dinotopia make of lesbians disrupting their natural order and their status quo? (upon which they rely for their coveted peace...) The mind reels. And I agree about the relief and pleasant surprise that this mature dark woman wasn't 'tamed' or domesticated in the storyline's conclusion, it would have been so banal if the series went that route. She clearly isn't the type who wants a traditional family, a secure home or a regular Joe older man with kids.

That said, I must confess to wanting Lesage coupled with David, as I've noticed that from their very first meeting there is deliberate tension and foreshadowing included to put them in a shippy light, and their personalities/chemistry really spark and pop off the screen more than any other pairing (probably why the actors/character got a 2-hander episode to themselves?). Also, in-keeping with 'Lesage does what she wants and breaks the mold', I think Lesage would LIVE for scandalising Dinotopia by taking their Skybax Squadron Commander/favourite Offworlder and seducing him. David for his part would go willingly I think, as he seems captivated and chagrined by Lesage, more than he is by Marion (who imo he *wants* to want and thinks he should want romantically/sexually, but deep down doesn't). David for his part clearly needs a challenge and a foil to get the most out of his life, and Lesage offers that in spades. Where are the fics is what I wanna know

Am still combing over a few of the episodes in more detail, but overall I enjoy it so much despite all the inaccuracies and how off-model and off-book it is, and for the time you can see how it broke some new ground. It's pacey, it's a good time, it's got a little bit of everything from drama to adventure to fantasy to anarchohistory/steampunk. The story and characters remind me of Xena in the way you can read them in a campy/fun way or a serious way, and it works either way. Idk why it isn't on streaming and remastered, though the selfish gatekeeping part of me is kind of glad it's not exposed like that..

Always ok!

I do wish we got more of 26 in The Cure Part 2 that wasn't plot-mandated immobility, because that small bit at the end of Part 1 where she's doing her little scamper around on modern sidewalks is such a cute and defining moment for the series and I would've loved to see her run around through crowds or make an escape through the museum. I'd say even her CGI is some of the best-looking now, probably because of working with an easier scale (although I feel like dated CGI is always going to look like dated CGI, and so try to judge it more on whether or not it emotionally connects, and 26 definitely does).

They say it like "Chasmiosaur" in the show but the dinosaur is spelled Chasmosaur/Chasmosaurus. It's real interesting that both the live-action and book versions of Dinotopia used lesser-known ceratopsians instead of the obvious triceratops.

Agreed on Karl, sketchy/sleazy relationship drama is SO not my thing and I'd say I was only tolerating it for the dinosaurs, but the way this show does it is just so over-the-top that I can't help but be at least a little entertained. Night of the Wartosa is fun to watch in an uncomfortable train wreck sense, because we see Karl at his worst and it's so agonizing, but at the end of the day it's self-aware, it's intended as a wake-up call, and we're meant to be rooting for him to become a better person and laughing at him along the way. And by Contact, we're shown he can be serious when it counts, and his story takes a deeper turn into the heartfelt that solidifies his arc.

Since it's Hallmark, I'm sure they'd find a way to make even the dinosaurs scandalized by anything non-straight. "Why yes, our ancient society founded primarily by non-humans, with its own code of conduct distinct from other world philosophies, has the same puritan sensibilities as early 2000s daytime television." I guess there's a small chance the show actually did mean they only considered themselves sisters, and that very obvious pause didn't mean anything at all, I guess we'll never know *shrug* (but since it was a show cancelled after one season, I'm gonna say that from the 2020s we can go ahead and retroactively assume it must've had lesbians).

Freely admit that if I didn't pick up on anything hinting LeSage/David, it's probably because I only really have shipping goggles for f/f relationships, and also carry around the associated 'just friends' goggles for what are often clearly intended het pairings. To each their own, I suppose, and to both of us, the tragedy of liking a piece of media that very few people have ever seen, and even fewer have seen in any way that made them think of it positively. Highly doubt the internet 20 years after the fact would have much appreciation for my 'LeSage x pachycephalosaurus chariot driver OC' daydream musings but you can bet that's probably what I'm thinking about every time I hear "Fast Car."

Oh, if this show was on streaming, people would expect WAY too much from it. It's in the backwoods of Youtube and on cheap DVDs, and I feel like that's it's natural habitat. I can only really imagine people truly liking this if it's a formative memory, they found it in some obscure corner on a rainy day and gave it a chance only half-seriously, or the rare case where they wanted to watch a dinosaur show enough to turn it on but were secretly looking for... this. It's such a fun time, but I feel like for most, you'd need to know what you're in for or it just won't click.

[filmmakerdreamst]

I posted 954 times in 2022

That's 371 more posts than 2021!

38 posts created (4%)

916 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fangirltofangod

@homemade-ghosts

@donutcats

@emilreloaded

@ssantisheep

I tagged 954 of my posts in 2022

#tv show - 343 posts

#harry potter - 207 posts

#book - 181 posts

#ron x hermione - 158 posts

#film - 127 posts

#lgbtqia - 126 posts

#lgbt - 125 posts

#video - 124 posts

#artwork - 117 posts

#nature - 114 posts

Longest Tag: 121 characters

#the showrunner really said 'i'm going to write the best written friends to lovers slow burn since tv in the early 2000's'

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Are there any fics out there where Derek and Casey get voted prom king and queen in episode 3x22 instead of Casey and Max or am I gonna have to write it myself?

None that I read of. But you should definitley write it ASAP.

40 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

#4

Your Top 5 Derek relationships? Romantic or platonic, anything counts ^^

1. Marti

How does my favourite sibling relationship in fiction come from this show? One of the things I absolutely loved about Life with Derek when I first got into it in 2015, is how you would see Derek's demeanour change when he was around his little sister and you saw what a good guy he was. I loved the nicknames that they both gave eachother. It was so sweet!

2. Casey

See the full post

45 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

#3

“Same difference” WHY DID HE LOOK SO DISAPPOINTED?

Thats the look of a man whose thinking 'Wow I'm in love with this girl and I can never have her" The last scene is almost like resignation for Derek. He's not giving up but he's finally letting her go.

62 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

#2

Rules: tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by: @wikiblair :)

Three ships: Xena and Gabrielle, Catherine and Peter, Derek and Casey

First ever ship: I thought it was Pazu and Sheeta from Castle in the Sky (i think that was my first OTP/obsession) but then looking back, I actually think in terms of shipping, it was Doctor and Rose from Doctor Who

Last song: Can't Get Closer - Velvet

Last film: 'Flowers in the Attic' (2014) - Its such a deeply disturbing film. I wasn't quite right after watching it.

Currently reading: You funny.

The next book I planning to read: 'You will get through the Night' by Dan Howell

Currently watching: 'The Great' - Its Great!

Currently consuming: Water

Currently craving: Nutella on Toast

Tagging: @deckerstarareotp @twobrokenwyngs @illgiveyouahint @lovelybeautifulpretty @legendofnora @hackedxy0x @imaginaryhaydee @mrs-n-uzumaki @adamisalive and anyone who wants to do it IDK

162 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

your top 5 dasey episodes?💕

1. Home Movies

OK. Their fight at the beginning screams UST (and also kickstarts the episode)

Casey is trying to interview Derek about the family and he surprisingly gets really pissed at her. They fight alot in this show, but this is the first time he legitimately shouts at her while being dead serious/visably hurts her feelings and vice versa.

He's clearly mad that she left him out of something that deeply effects him. Hes never been good at expressing feelings which leads to him bottling them up and letting them out in an unhealthly way (sometimes I feel this dude needs more therpy than Casey). Even though, he likes his new step-family, he still had no say in the matter at the end of the day e.g. This is not a picture perfect family Casey, this is a mess of a family thats making the best of a contrived situation.

And its very obvious to me, that he clearly loves her by this point, and he resents the fact that he does. e.g. 'My Dads decisions put me in this mess'

It gave me a slight reminder of 'Flowers in the Attic' (even though thats a totally different kettle of fish) where the two eldest siblings fall in love with eachother because of the situation they are forced under by their parents (i.e. emotional neglect etc)

See the full post

175 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[writtenbymatthew]

💍 - Xena

click to read these long ass stories !

Xena and Matthew are drunk and get married, either purposefully or by accident.

There was no greater shame than waking up in the arms of another without recalling the events that ended you up there. To Matthew, however, the greatest shock presumably came from realizing his clothes were still on. Why would he ever end up in a bed, with a blonde, only not to be bare butt naked? Slowly but surely his senses woke from their slumber as well and he recognized the peaceful face beside him. Ugh, of course. “Why are you all wrapped around me, Lainee? Damn it, woman, how am I supposed to escape now?” He huffed and puffed under his breath, wriggling from underneath a maze of blond locks and supple fingers until the tiniest of stirs next to him spooked him and forced him to swallow back everything he’d just said. Not such a big mouth when there was a chance little miss-meaningless-childhood-kiss could hear what came out of it, apparently.

After a cautious but creatively successful (tickling her nose with a feather plucked from those cheap motel pillows really did make her move her arm. After the second try, at least.) attempt to climb out of the bed while remaining the only one awake in the room, Matthew looked back over his shoulder. The scene of the pale body, spread out and tangled up in tulle and crisp, ironed sheets beared resemblance to a crime scene. But what more could he have possibly stolen from her? Like a thief in the night, he had acquired both her heart and her innocence once before and he would be able to still milk that fact for double the amount of years. Had his intoxicated ego try to reclaim what was his’ just to inflate his self-esteem a little bit? He chuckled to himself. Yeah, that must’ve been it. There was only one detail standing between his theory and reality, the brunet realized while passing by a speckled mirror: why the fuck was he wearing a bow tie? And why did it match his dress pants?

He had to find answers. Or, if there was no other option, someone else who held the answers for him. Of course, knowing his luck, his phone wasn’t anywhere near the nightstand nor knocked under the bed. It took him three times checking the medicine cabinet, an in-depth search of the closet drawers and all four corners of the room, to at last, by accident stumble over a bag. His heart? Dropped. Peaked. Was as alerted as that time his front door opened during one of his solo karaoke nights. But as luckily as he’d been to find just his mother standing with a giddy smile on her face, as luckily he was now, finding out all the contents had landed with the softest thud on a carpet floor. And iPhones, as creepily clever as they are, both lit up from the sudden movement. Making himself comfortable in a threadbare couch, he scrolled through his new messages, only to find there were none. Oddly enough, LRSOA’s life of the party had an unfamiliar low amount of notifications waiting for him which he could eventually pinpoint to having no signal. What did he find? Time to clean out his phone storage room which led him to a series of pictures of him and Lainee Xena looking like fucking prom royalty for some reason. Zooming in, he couldn’t believe his own weird smile directed at her and his hands around her waist and- oh, bingo!

By the timehis hands got hold of the old camera he’d seen himself holding in the pictures (and that must’ve rolled out of Lianee’s purse earlier), a few things had come back to him already. One of them the fact that that camera definitely had been fully charged on Saturday-morning. So the red blinking light signalling the battery was dead at the moment could only mean one thing. Eager to refresh his memory, he knelt to the ground in search of its black charger and the least damaged-looking socket in this room. “Come on,” He grumbled, slapping the top as if that would speed up the charging process enough to start rolling the tapes. The brand’s intro tune alerted him when the videos were finally ready to be watched. The first little previewcatching his eye had a time-stamp of 10PM in the bottom corner which probably meant it wasn’t the first but the sight of Lainee just drew him in. She was wearing the softest shade of pink and gave the dress’s fabric the illusion of being see-through. It had long, puffy sleeves and flower details on the front. Though Matthew would’ve never picked that one out for her, it was a clear fit. Thetulle of the dress made her innocence stand out and involuntarily, a smiletugged at his lips when he watched her twirl around in it just once. “Nowthat you look like a princess, we’re all ready to crash into the castle, aren’twe?” He heard himself ask and refer to an old, fancy-looking building that onlynow came into clear view. There was a remark on his suspenders before thefootage cut off altogether and Matt was left with only 31 other videos to fillup the holes in his memory.

Bit by bit the pieces fell together. Waving around his dad’s credit card was the biggest giveaway and the plan this duo had cooked up wasn’t all that bad, to be honest. Play a good old prank on that grey fool by stealing his credit card and misusing it for purchases Matthew would never be suspected of. It started out with that tux and its accompanying dress, then a variety of dessert tables (wedding cakes, of course. Just to be sure to dodge all and any suspicion.). Judging by their moans, they sounded even more delicious than they looked and Matt even quietly laughed when he watched Xena reach out of frame to wipe away a bit of custard cream from the corner of his mouth. Which he had only reciprocated by smudging some chocolate sauce on her nose instead. In the fancy venue they’d hired last minute, Matt had grown tired of their little confetti canon fight and lay down, admiring the accidental party he’d created. Turning his head and the camera from the ceiling to the right, he said, “We’re not going to get anything out of it like this. We should invest in something worthwhile. Like… Inviting people so they would bring gifts! Or maybe something that we can pawn once all of this has blown over. What do you think, little love?” And even without seeing it on tape, he knew his grin matched hers when she replied the only acceptable answer, “both.”

A few more lose frames here and there, all too cozy for the public eye, and suddenly Matthew found himself sitting on the edge of the settee, wondering what would be on the end of this tape. He was absorbed in finding out what his own announcement from last night would be all about. Something worth hyping up strangers in a country-club setting for, anyway. “Ladies and henpeckers, I just broke a crystal glass to get your attention so you’ll better bloody listen.” A drunk Matt shushed the crowd, one hand tightly clasping the microphone, the other seemingly stuck on Xena’s hip. “You know what? I’ve known this girl since I was, I don’t know, like 10, maybe? And I-” 

A hiccup started interrupting Matthew’s speech but by turning up the noise a little, it was not entirely impossible to follow. “I’ve forgotten many faces over the year but I could never get rid of this one. From the first, right up until the last time I saw her, she could haunt me in my sleep for nights on row and guess what, man?! I never even minded! At least she was there in the night, whether I wanted- needed her to be or not. Wait, wait, we should go to the beginning. To when I first saw you and the second and the third time and- fuck I think it took me till like the seventh time to be able to stay cool around you, Lainee baby. You always looked so pretty next to the jukebox, lost in your own rhythm till someone paid you some attention and music and then- you came alive. It was the coolest thing I’d ever seen. Yeah, yep, I thought you were cool. Too cool for me, that’s for sure.” He breathed in for some air, trying to pick out the right words from the pile in his head. But it didn’t work until he pulled her close into his chest. “Listen, you make it beat so freely, I’d start to wonder if it was ever in a cage in the first place. I always had a good time with you. A good good time. Nothing bad really happened. Well, that one shitty thing did but- but! I want more good times. I want to go back to how sweet you and I were and not turn things sour this time around. So what do you say, huh? Do you want to marry me?”

No one yelled “What?!” as loudly and filled with disbelief as Matt just did. No one except perhaps the girl, in the dress, in the bed where they’d slept. Their eyes met. Their shock was mutual. Their reasons, however, were not. “How could you let me do this?” He lashed out, not even caring about her explanation about how he’d bought rings behind her back, thinking they were perfect to be pawned. Guided by the clattering sounds of a failed marriage, Xena had to duck to dodge the ring he’d thrown back at her. Like she’d once thrown her dancing shoes away when he’d won the war and he’d (more than) once thrown the towel in the ring when there was nothing left to battle. Perhaps, she would’ve never married Matthew after all this but he never even asked. He just made her out to be a problem, one he needed to get rid off as quickly as possible. Right when she had had the slightest feeling that he wasn’t that bad of a guy, after all, Matthew Bay provew he could be so much worse.

“Don’t you get it? There is no you and I, Shaw.”Matthew, who was throwing an exaggerated tantrum, had not expected her to respond to hisrhetorical question. “Only us. Right?” Her naive hope for him wasbaffling. Her way of dealing so well with a hungover him even admirable. Buther loyalty and trust in Matthew was simply misplaced and the brunet feared hewas the only one who could (and should) put her back in her place now. “Isthat the kind of rubbish I sold you last night? Oh my god.” His hands palmed his face, rubbing it in disbeliefand exasperation while he sank on the corner of the motel bed. A loud laugh ofridicule erupted and as quickly as it came, it abruptly stopped again. His hands clasping the old camera, that had recorded them from the start, turned white from the strain. This was something he could no longer contain. So barely turning to look at her, he said those words he should’ve said years ago before casting her away. “I may not be exactly sure what my future will look like. But I do know one thing, and that’s that you’re not in it.” With an unwavering force he broke open the cassette and pulled out the recording tape. Pull and pull, creating a violently whirring sound that overruled either of their tears, until it was nothing more than a pile of plastic memories left to be forgotten on the carpet floor.

Xena and Matthew are drunk and get married, purposefully or by accident.

“Drink with me,” Matthew offered her a plastic birthday cup that he’d found in a kitchen drawer at home. Presumably collecting dust there since his 10th birthday but what better day to make use of them than on this sunshiney day with his little blonde lighting up his afternoon, by his side? “It’s nothing too strong. You’ll like this, trust me.” Uncorking the bottle of rosé, the sweet smell of bubbles and potential yesses filled his nostrils. He may not have thought of bringing fancy glasses but he did reach a little deeper in his pocket to get the actual good brand for today. Matt poured her almost double of what he poured for himself. The pink liquid was just too sweet for his taste. But then again, so was Lainee.

As planned, the innocent girl couldn’t quite hold her liquor ( how could anyone who wasn’t used to drinking, hadn’t eaten much more than strawberries and bathed in the warm sun all afternoon? ) so Matthew played the gentleman he was and helped her up from the grass in the narrow backyard. It wasn’t much but it had always been enough in his eyes. It was part of his home after all, worn-out soccer balls and white, plastic garden chairs included. “Sit. I’ll get the birthday girl something to eat.” Her giggles made him laugh as well and he lingered for a minute, only to ensure sure she was alright, of course. Perhaps he had given her too much. Not only alcohol-wise. But by now he wouldn’t be able to tell until she would one day leave with all of it.

Climbing on an upside down beer crate, Matt reached on top of the kitchen cabinets to pull out his gift. He’d remembered how long the bus had seemed to take, this morning, after he’d left the shop. It had left him there, waiting for what seemed forever, with a stuffed little dog, a box of cookies and his own wandering thoughts on why he was trying to woo this girl so much. “I’ve given her plenty of good times, you know? And fuck, when is my time coming?” Matt had raised an eyebrow at the small pup beside him before chuckling, “I’m really leading a dog’s life here.” Upon coming to this sobering conclusion, he’d strolled back into the shop to buy the alcohol with one of his older’s cousin’s ID’s and at last, went home.

“Lainee, close your eyes!” He yelled from behind the frosted glass door onto the porch. “Because I’ve got a surprise for you. Are they closed?” Only after her confirmation, did the lad, carefully so, tried to bring out a small platter filled with cookies and the fluffy, husky-looking dog sat upright in the corner. “Alright, you can look now.” Matt said as he held out his camera, focussed on her expression. Always making sure she got used to him filming her and how her smile turned into a focussed frown, reading the words that the alphabet cookies spelled out. Then, in one swift motion, her frown stared right back at him as she said his name. Cautiously. Not sure what to think, probably. Which fifteen year old girl would when there was a sweet marriage proposal laid out in front of her? 

Matthew knew it was time to swoop in, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and the thing is, I have so much fun with you. And I know you’ll think we’re too young. We are! But one day, we won’t be. And when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” He quoted Harry’s words to Sally, kneeling down in front of her and putting the camera aside for a second so he could no longer hide behind its lense. “So what do you say?” He shook with the cookie box, urging her to spell out her answer to his question but before she did that, she flung her arms around his neck. Not only did that almost make him stumble over but she pressed right into the bulge in his pants. “It’s not what you think, I swear.” He scraped his throat uneasily, his hand already reaching down as she slowly returned the distance between them. “I just didn’t want you to say no, you see?” Matt smiled sheepishly, pulling out all the broken O’s and crumbling N’s he’d taken out of the box before. 

Much to his surprise, she had grabbed one of each letter in his hand nonetheless. While flicking the N in her mouth and putting the O on the platter, she reached elbow-deep into the box until she triumphantly pulled out a K. Even now, three hours and two discarded outfits later, he could still hear her say “Some day.” On his bare feet, Matt sneaked into the kitchen of his empty house, feeling almost as thirsty as he felt guilty after sex. Looking at the platter, he knew there was only one thing he could do. So by the time he had worked Lainee out of the door before his mum returned from work, he’d eaten them all.

BONUS

If little Matthew would’ve ended up accidentally marrying Lainee, it would’ve been out of honour. It would’ve been because a group of guys, or perhaps even only one asshat, started showing the wrong interest in her, that Matt would step up and claim her as his own. Of course, women are no one’s property until... well, he realizes they can be. And with four shots down his throat, the idea to rent a priest and host a mini wedding in a bar that lines up arcade games on one side of the wall, suddenly seems like an epiphany. However, in the morning, it would yet again just add to his misery.

[shadlad24]

Recollections

Gabrielle sobbed alone in a corner though a few of the other concubines tried to cheer her. She cried like she hadn’t for Xena, despite having been told by the smirking guards what a terrible beating the warrior princess was in for, Thanks to you, she cursed herself numerous times. But her irrational, unquenchable enmity left no space for pity or fear. And she had known, always known, that Xena would survive whatever Gurkhan might throw at her.

But—thanks to Xena, her hissing hostility reminded her—Sarah might already be dead.

Thus, Gabrielle had failed Lila. In one fell swoop, she had lost the only two family members she had left. Lila will never forgive me! Xena’s taken everything from me! Everything! My home, my innocence, my baby; my baby, my baby! Grief over losing Hope stole over the bard in an instant.

The tenth month of the year was dying again. Hope was dying again. Born and died, 50 weeks apart, nearly three decades ago.

She’s been gone that long… And I only ever knew her days; days!

Yet Gabrielle remembered every second of each one. She had been afraid that she would forget, over time. But she had not misplaced a single recollection about her child. What Hope looked like. What she sounded like. Smelled like; felt like.

Teary blue eyes telling Gabrielle that she didn’t know, would never know, only to light up with the knowledge that they had been loved.

Plush cheeks that Gabrielle had run her fingertips over every moment that she had watched her newborn sleep.

The awful cry that had torn itself from the girl’s chest upon finding her son with Xena’s sword sticking out of his spiky back.

The scent… had Hope had a scent?

As had not struck her since Eve’s infancy, Gabrielle once more remembered that she had never changed her baby’s diaper. For all the nourishment Hope had leached from her mother’s body, no output had ever come from it.

I guess that’s just how she was, Gabrielle mused dully. Could only take; never give. A weak but true smile lifted her cheekbones momentarily. But that wasn’t her fault. And I never minded. …Huh. I wonder if I should have asked Lila if Hope ever used the outhouse. The facial expression turned more melancholy, then shattered. Ah, the strange musings of a mother. …My baby!

Another hour dragged by, but Gabrielle was too deep into her heartbreak to notice it. She did calm down some and think more rationally, after a while. Xena didn’t steal my home from me. I chose to follow her. Nor did she take mother and father from me. A not altogether new hatred roiled in her gut. That was Ares. He put us in that ice cave! If I’d’ve been awake- Her rage reignited full-force. Lila’s right. If I weren’t trapped on some mountain, I would have gone after Sarah at once upon getting the news that she had been captured… like Lila and I nearly were. Mother and father would never have had to sell the farm or go looking for her. I could have prevented this! …Oh, mother! Why did you go too? You’d never gone beyond the city to sell our surplus with father, and even that was only once a year. Why wasn’t I there? Why wasn’t I there?

I’m here now; I’m here now, soon took over. Hope was not lost. You are not lost.

Xena had tersely whispered that she would tell Gurkhan that she wanted Sarah’s head fresh at first light after their night of bliss.

The lecherous man would do it too, anything to woo his latest conquest, Gabrielle knew. All at once, energy and passion sparked in her anew. An overzealous amount of her new-old friend, impulsivity, accompanied them. The bard sprung to her feet and strode over to one of the basins to splash cool water on her face. I don’t care if I have to take a beating like Xena did; I’m getting my niece out of here! I’ll kill every guard and break down every door that stands in my way. Partway to grabbing her sais from her boots, she remembered that she had left them back on the boat with Eve. Doesn’t matter. I’ll tear this place apart with my bare hands. Whirling around on the ball of her foot, she marched toward the main door only to pull up short at a guard coming straight for her before she was even halfway across the room.

“Gurkhan the Magnificent has summoned you. Come with me,” the man said gruffly in accented Greek.

Perfect. Gabrielle bit her tongue to stop herself from growling when the guard grabbed her by the shoulder and started marching her out of the harem. She allowed him to steer her around like cattle, only too happy to be led to the door of the man she had traveled so far to kill.

This scene from The Mother of Hope was sparked by the above picture, when Gabrielle walked into Gurkhan’s room flushed and tear-streaked. :”) Poor little love. I wondered what she had been thinking about while left alone after Xena asked for Sarah’s head on a platter.

[geshertzarmeod]

Favorite Books of 2020

I wanted to put together a list! I read 74 new books this year, and I keep track of that on Goodreads - feel free to add or follow me if you want to see everything! I’m going to focus on the highlights, and the books that stuck with me personally in one way or another, in approximate order. Also, all but two of them (#5 and #7 on the honorable mention list) are queer/trans in some way. Links are to Goodreads, but if you’re looking to get the books, I suggest your library, the Libby app using your library, your local bookstore, or Bookshop.

The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions by Larry Mitchell, illus. by Ned Asta (originally published 1977). I had a hard beginning of the year and was in a work environment where my queerness was just not welcomed or wanted. I read this in the middle of all of that, and it helped me so much. I took this book with me everywhere. I read it on planes. I read it on the bus, and on trains, and at shul. I showed it to friends... sometimes at shul, or professional development conferences. It healed my soul. Now I can’t find it and might get a new copy. When I reviewed it, in February, I wrote: “I think we all need this book right now, but I really needed this book right now. Wow. This book is magic, and brings back a sense of magic and beauty to my relationship with the world.” Also I bought my copy last July, in a gay bookstore on Castro St. in SF, and that in itself is just beautiful to me. (Here’s a post I made with some excerpts)

Once & Future duology, especially the sequel, Sword in the Stars, by A.R. Capetta and Cory McCarthy. Cis pansexual female King Arthur Ari Helix (she's the 42nd reincarnation and the first female one) in futuristic space with Arab ancestry (but like, from a planet where people from that area of earth migrated to because, futuristic space) works to end Future Evil Amazon.com Space Empire with her found family with a token straight cis man and token white person. Merlin is backwards-aging so he's a gay teenager with a crush and thousands of years of baggage. The book’s entire basis is found family, and it's got King Arthur in space. And the sequel hijacks the original myth and says “fuck you pop culture, it was whitewashed and straightwashed, there were queer and trans people of color and strong women there the whole time.” Which is like, my favorite thing to find in media, and a big part of why I love Xena so much. It’s like revisionist history to make it better except it’s actually probably true in ways. Anyway please read these books but also be prepared for an absolutely absurd and wild ride. Full disclosure though, I didn’t love the first book so much, it’s worth it for the sequel!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum. This book hurt. It still hurts. But it was so good. It took me on a whole journey, and brought me to my destination just like it intended the whole time. The author’s note at the end made me cry! The sheer NEED from this book, the way the main relationship develops and shifts, and how you PERCEIVE the main relationship develops and shifts. I’m in awe of Ancrum’s writing. If you like your ships feral and needy and desperate and wanting and D/S vibes and lowkey super unhealthy but with the potential, with work, to become healthy and beautiful and right, read this book. This might be another one to check trigger warnings for though.

The Entirety of The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty. I hadn’t heard of this series until this year, when a good friend recommended it to me. It filled the black hole in me left by Harry Potter. The political and mystical/fantasy world building is just *chef’s kiss* - the complexity! The morally grey, everyone’s-done-awful-things-but-some-people-are-still-trying-to-do-good tapestry! The ROMANCE oh my GOD the romance. If I’m absolutely fully invested in a heterosexual romance you know a book is good, but also this book had background (and then later less background) queer characters! And the DRAMA!!! The third book went in a direction that felt a little out of nowhere but honestly I loved the ride. I stayed up until 6am multiple times reading this series and I’d do it again.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon. I loved this book so much that it’s the only book I reviewed on my basically abandoned attempt at a book blog. This book is haunting, horrifying, disturbing, dark, but so, so good. The character's voices were so specific and clear, the relationships so clearly affected by circumstance and yet loving in the ways they could be. This is my favorite portrayal of gender maybe ever, it’s just... I don’t even have the words but I saw a post @audible-smiles​ made about it that’s been rattling in my head since. And, “you gender-malcontent. You otherling,” as tender pillow talk??? Be still my heart. Be ready, though, this book has all the triggers.. it’s a .

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. This book called me out on my perspective on love. Also, it made me cry a lot. And it has two different interesting well-written romance storylines. And a realistic coming-into-identity narrative about a Black trans demiboy. And a nuanced discussion of college plans and what one might do after college. And some big beautiful romcom moments. I wish I had it in high school. I’m so glad I have it now! (trigger warning for transphobia & outing, but the people responsible are held accountable by the end, always treated as not okay by the narrative, and the MC’s friends, and like... this is ownvoices and it’s GOOD.)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. My Goodreads review says, “I have no idea what happened, and I loved it.” That’s not wrong, but to delve deeper, this book has an ethereal feeling that you get wrapped up in while reading. Nothing makes sense but that’s just as it should be. You’re hooked. It is so atmospheric, so meta, so fascinating. I’ve seen so many people say they interpreted this character or that part or the ending in all different ways and it all makes sense. And it’s all of this with a gay main character and romance and the central theme, the central pillar being a love of and devotion to stories. Of course I was going to love it.

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. “Because maybe what really matters isn’t whether something is true, or false. Maybe what matters is the story itself; what kinds of doors it opens, what kinds of dreams it brings.” This book was so good and paradigm shifting. It reminded me of #1 on this list in the way it turns real life experience and hard, tragic ones at that (in this case, of being a trans girl of color who leaves home and tries to make a life for herself in the city, with its violence), into a beautiful, haunting fable. Once upon a time.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. I need to reread this book, as I read it during my most tranceful time of 2020 and didn’t write a review, so I forgot a lot. What I do remember is beautiful and important nonbinary representation, a really cute romance, an interesting parental and familial/sibling dynamic that was both heartbreaking and hopeful, and an on-page therapy storyline. Also Mason Deaver just left twitter but was an absolutely hilarious troll on it before leaving and I appreciate that (and they just published a Christmas novella that I have but haven’t read yet!)

The Truth Is by NoNieqa Ramos. It took a long time to trust this book but I’m so glad I did. It’s raw and real and full of grief and trauma (trigger warnings, that I remember, for grief, death (before beginning of book), and gun violence). The protagonist is flawed and gets to grow over the course of the book, and find her own place, and learn from the people around her, while they also learn to understand her and where she’s coming from. It’s got a gritty, harsh, and important portrayal of found family, messy queerness, and some breathtaking quotes. When I was 82% through this book I posted this update: “This book has addressed almost all of my initial hesitations, and managed to complicate itself beautifully.”

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro.  I wasn’t actually in the best mental health place to read this book when I did (didn’t quite understand what it was) but it definitely reminded me of what there is to fight against and to fight for, and broke my heart, and nudged me a bit closer to hope. The naturally diverse cast of characters was one of the best parts of this book. The romance is so sweet and tender and then so painful. This book is important and well-written but read it with caution and trigger warnings - it’s about grief and trauma and racism and police brutality, but also about love and community.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden.  This is a sci-fi/fantasy/specfic mashup that takes place in near-future South Africa and has world-building myths with gods and demigoddesses and a trip to the world of the dead but also a genetically altered hallucinogenic drug that turns people into giant animals and a robot uprising and a political campaign and a transgender pop star and a m/m couple and all of them are connected. It’s bonkers. Like, so, so absolutely mind-breaking weird. And I loved it.

Crier’s War and Iron Heart by Nina Varela.  I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED the amount of folktales they told each other with queer romances as integral to those stories, especially in Iron Heart. A conversation between the two leads where Crier says she wants to read Ayla like a book, and Ayla says she’s not a book, and Crier explains all the different ways she wants to know Ayla, like a person, and wants to deserve to know her like a person, made me weak. It lives in my head rent-free.

Queen’s Shadow by E.K. Johnston @ekjohnston . I listened to this book on Libby and then immediately listened to it at least one more time, maybe twice, before my borrow time ran out. I love Padmé, and just always wish that female Star Wars characters got more focus and attention and this book gave me that!! And queer handmaidens! And the implication that Sabé is in love with Padmé and that’s just something that will always be true and she will always be devoted and also will make her own life anyway. And the Star Wars audiobooks being recorded the way they are with background sounds and music means it feels like watching a really long detailed beautiful Star Wars movie just about Padmé and her handmaidens.

Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. I needed to read this. The way Tobia talks about their experience of gender within the contexts of college, college leadership, and career, hit home. I kept trying to highlight several pages in a row on my kindle so I could go back and read them after it got returned to the library (sadly it didn’t work - it cuts off highlights after a certain number of characters). The way they talk about TOKENISM they way they talk about the responsibilities of the interviewer when an interviewee holds marginalized identities especially when no one else in the room does!!! Ahhhh!!!

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutskie. Disclaimer for this one that the author was rightfully criticized for writing a Black main character as a white author (and how the story ended up playing into some fucked up stuff that I can’t really unpack without spoiling). But also, the author has been working to move forward knowing she can’t change the past, has donated her proceeds, and this book is really good? It has all the fanfic tropes, so much delicious tension, a totally unexpected plot twist that had me immediately rereading the book. This book was super fun and also kind of just really really good Star Wars fanfiction.

How To Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune. This book was so sweet, and cute, and hopeful, and both ridiculous and so real. I had some trouble getting used to Gus’ voice and internal monologue, but I got into it and then loved every bit after. The ace rep is something I’ve never seen like this before (and have barely read any ace books but still this was so fleshed out and well rounded and not just like, ‘they’re obsessed with swords not sex’ - looking at you, Once & Future - and leaving it there.) This all felt like a slice of life and I feel like I learned about people while reading it. Some of the moments are so, so funny, some are vaguely devastating. I have been personally victimized by TJ Klune for how he ends this book (a joke, you will know once you read it) but it also reminds me of the end of the “You Are There” episode of Xena and we all know what the answer to that question was.... and I choose to believe the answer here was similar.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. I wish I had this book when I was in high school. I honestly have complicated feelings about prom and haven’t really been seeking out contemporary YA so I was hesitant to read this but it was so good and so well-written, and had a lot of depth to it. The movie (and Broadway show) “The Prom” wants what this book has.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. I never read horror books, so this was a new thing for me. I loved the feeling of this book, the way I felt fully immersed. I loved how entirely queer it was. I was interested in the characters and the relationships, even though we didn’t have a full chance to go super deep into any one person but rather saw the connections between everyone and the way the stories matched up with each other. I just wanted a bit of a more satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: reread in 2020 but read for the first time pre-2020

Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I couldn’t make this post without mentioning this book. It got me through this year. I love this book so much; I think of this book all the time. This book made me want to find love for myself. You’ve all heard about it enough but if you haven’t read this book what are you DOING.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan @sarahreesbrennan​ . I reread this one over and over too, both as text and as an audiobook. I went for walks when I had lost my earbuds and had Elliott screaming about an elf brothel loudly playing and got weird looks from someone walking their dog. I love this book so much. It’s just so fun, and so healing to read a book reminiscent of all the fantasies I read as a kid, but with a bi main character and a deconstruction of patriarchy and making fun of the genre a bit. Also, idiots to lovers is a great trope and it’s definitely in this book.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book is forever so important to me. I am always drawn in by how tenderly Sáenz portrays his characters. These boys. These boys and their parents. I love them. I love them so much. This is another one where I don’t even know what to say. I have more than 30 pages in my tag for this book. I have “arda” set as a keyboard shortcut on my phone and laptop to turn into the full title. This book saved my life.

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book hurts to read - it’s a story about trauma, about working through that trauma, healing enough to be ready to hold the worst memories, healing enough to move through the pain and start to make a life. It’s about found family and love and pain and I love it. It’s cathartic. And it’s a little bit quietly queer in a beautiful way, but that’s not the focus. Look up trigger warnings (they kind of are spoilery so I won’t say them here but if you have the potential to be triggered please look them up or ask me before reading)

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine.  When asked what my all time favorite book is, it’s usually this one. Gail Carson Levine has been doing live readings at 11am since the beginning of the pandemic shut down in the US, and the first book she read was Ella Enchanted. I’ve been slowly reading it to @mssarahpearl and am just so glad still that it has the ability to draw me in and calm me down and feels like home after all this time. This book is about agency. I love it.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman @chronicintrovert . I’ve had this on my all-time-faves list since I read it a few years ago and ended up rereading it this year before sending a gift copy to a friend, so I could write little notes in it. It felt a little different reading it this time - as I get further away from being a teenager myself, the character voice this book is written in takes a little longer to get used to, but it’s so authentic and earnest and I love it. I absolutely adore this book about platonic love and found family and fandom and mental illness and abuse and ace identity and queerness and self-determination, especially around college and career choices. Ahhh. Thank you Alice Oseman!!!

Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray @claudiagray​ . I have this one on audible and reread it several times this year. I love the fleshing out of Leia’s story before the original trilogy, I love her having had a relationship before Han, and the way it would have affected her perspective. I also am intrigued by the way it analyses the choices the early rebellion had to make... I just, I love all the female focused new Star Wars content and the complexity being brought to the rebellion.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Any way we could get like a master list of like Tobias + Rachel moments like “first time they talk about their feelings” and “first kiss” etc? And what book it’s in? If that’s not too much. I love you!!

All right, this is going to be less a master list, more a “things I can think of off the top of my head,” but here it is.

The Non-Definitive List of Rachel/Tobias Milestones:

First crush: #1.  It’s hard to say how much is going on in the background of their first mission, because Jake is a clueless duffer who needs Cassie to explain romance to him and because Jake takes forever to wrap his head around the fact that Rachel is capable of having crushes on boys.  But we know that Rachel is looking at Tobias when she agrees to let the boys walk her and Cassie home, and we know that Rachel immediately jumps to Tobias’s defense when he and Marco start arguing.  Rachel is the most worried about Tobias when the others lose sight of him during that first battle, and the fastest to consider Tobias a part of the group.

Unresolved romantic tension: #3.  Tobias knows he has a thing for Rachel as of this book.  He knows, and he’s not ever planning on doing a dang thing about it, because he’s a bird and she’s a human.  They smash up car commercials together, they hunt for yeerk ships together, and they fly all over town together, but he’s pretty sure they’re going nowhere relationship-wise.  And then Rachel, in the middle of half-drowning in the truck ship’s water tank, starts to say what she needs to say before she dies.  She stays in morph longer than any of the others specifically so that she and Tobias can have this last moment alone.  And Tobias’s response to her near-confession is to grab a dracon beam and go take on an entire yeerk fleet alone.

Acknowledging their feelings: #7.  When the Ellimist comes with his offer, Jake and Marco focus on saving their families, Ax and Cassie go full environmentalist... and Rachel and Tobias are pissed.  Tobias figures out instantly that he’s only there as a human because the Ellimist wants to manipulate Rachel’s emotions through dangling the possibility of de-nothliting her honey-pie in front of her face.  Rachel’s pissed on Tobias’s behalf, Tobias on Rachel’s behalf, and the Ellimist is just deeply amused.

Resolving romantic tension: #12.  When Rachel doesn’t know what to do about the crocodile thing, she goes to Tobias.  When Tobias sees Rachel and Jake headed for another fight, he undercuts it so that Rachel wins.  They banter about Superman and Xena having kids together.  They jerk Marco around together.  They’re a couple already, even if they’ve never even held hands.

First couples’ fight: MM2.  They’re both tired and hungry and injured, to give credit where it’s due, and they’re entitled to get snippy with each other.  It’s also worth noting that they resolve their spat in a pretty healthy way — Tobias acknowledges that he underestimated how hard it would be to control the deinonychus morph, Rachel acknowledges that she underestimated how dangerous the deinonychuses would be, they both acknowledge that they’re not at their best and need to drop the subject until they’re in a better mood.  It’s also when Rachel recognizes that Tobias isn’t, fundamentally, a mere human: she doesn’t reach him through the dino instincts until she pivots from descriptions of fingers and toes and instead reminds him of flying.

Healthiest moment: #23.  Yes, a matter of opinion, but I love how supportive Rachel is toward Tobias throughout this whole book.  She’s quick to reassure him that she doesn’t think it’s weird to eat roadkill, and equally quick to drop the subject when he wants to.  Whatever Tobias needs, from a sympathetic ear to a killer grizzly, she’s happy to help him through this difficult time.

Labeling the relationship: #27.  Bless T.T. and his stupid little 1990s So Cal name.  It takes T.T.’s dimples and his smooth-talking and his sheer ordinariness for Rachel to realize that she doesn’t want dimples or smooth-talking or ordinariness.  She wants the kind of guy who is terrified of water but will become a sperm whale to keep her safe.  She wants a “mouse-eating freak,” because she’s a squid-eating freak herself.  She wants someone around whom she can be ugly, can be vulnerable, can be scared, can be herself.  Also, I love that moment with Tobias commenting that T.T. is “pretty cute, and perceptive too” after T.T. says something unrepeatable about Rachel’s violent tendencies and sense of propriety.

First kiss: MM3.  It’s the moment just after Rachel was “killed” by a cannonball aboard the Trafalager and then pops back up in the middle of Princeton University’s campus.  Tobias runs and grabs her, she smooches him, Marco asks if he can have a kiss as well, the racist dude that Cassie was in the middle of intimidating cries on the floor.  It’s all very romantic.

The L Word: #32.  The whole book is about Rachel learning to reconcile the different sides of herself, but a big part of it is her realizing that Tobias has gone through many of the same struggles.  Tobias knows she’s a killer, and he’s a killer too.  Tobias knows she’s a frightened softie at heart, and he is one too.  Tobias’s entire life has been about him trying to stick together disparate pieces of himself, which is why Tobias is the only thing Mean Rachel and Nice Rachel can agree upon, and it’s why Tobias is the only one whom Rachel wants to see after it’s all over.

Best “battle couple” moment: #36.  A matter of opinion, of course, but I love the moment that the yeerk submarine starts to come apart and Rachel bodily wraps herself around Tobias to protect him.  Honestly the whole motif of them pairing up their battle morphs — hawk-Tobias compensating for bear-Rachel’s major weakness through acting as her eyes and ears, bear-Rachel compensating for hawk-Tobias’s relative delicacy through being the tank of the team — does my heart good.  But I have an extra-large soft spot for this moment because when the shit hits the fan, Rachel’s immediate reaction is to throw her entire body between Tobias and danger.

Picking out furniture: #49.  Yes, Rachel is joking when she tells Tobias that they need to get patio furniture for his meadow, but it’s also an affirmation that they both view this as a long-term thing they’ve got going.  She wants them to have a place together, even if it is a random clearing in the woods with a deeply suspicious number of lounge chairs.

First date: ???  Arguably, Rachel and Tobias never go on a single actual date-date, and I think that’s a lot of the beauty of their utterly unique relationship.  Ones that could count:

Destroying a car commercial in #3.  Although there are hints in #2 that Rachel goes flying alone with Tobias sometimes, this is the first time we actually see them doing something for fun together.

Running around as hork-bajir in #13.  It’s the first time they go on a mission as a couple, the first time they really consider the possibility that they could have a relationship now that Tobias can morph, and the first instance of them using “paired” morphs together.

Tobias’s birthday in #23.  If “date” means sharing a meal together, then by gum Rachel baking an entire cake for Tobias and then having the world’s strangest conversation about his family history while they sit on the floor of her room and eat with their hands has got to count.

The school dance in #29.  This is the first time (that we know of) where they go to a public human gathering as a formal couple.

The opening sequence of #33.  This moment canonically makes “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls their song, and it involves the first real conversation about their future as a couple.

The ending sequence of #33.  EVERYTHING HURTS AND NOTHING IS OKAY at the end of this book, but it also involves them doing human-stuff like hugging and hanging out on the beach followed by them doing raptor-stuff like flying around together, because everyone but especially Rachel is trying to do whatever Tobias needs right then.  It’s also the most emotionally raw moment between them, but one they get through together.

Watching Felicity together in #35.  I love this moment, not in the least because Rachel and Tobias are both like “how dare you interrupt our soap opera with yeerks, Marco?” and it hints at what they’ve been up to in the background of the books they don’t narrate.  It’s also canon that Rachel doesn’t have a TV in her room, so that suggests that human-Tobias and human-Rachel were sacked out on her couch together, possibly while Naomi glared disapprovingly from the door to the kitchen.

Having burgers in #49.  Rachel bringing Tobias McDonald’s is actually the first time they label one of their own meetups as being a date, for what it’s worth.

Most painful moment: #54, duh.  For me it’s a three-way tie between Tobias guiding Rachel through her last battle after she’s blinded by snake venom, Rachel and Tobias both taking on human morph so that they can say goodbye to each other THROUGH A VIEWSCREEN, and Tobias stealing the urn with Rachel’s ashes because he wants her to have a memorial her way.  Ugggghh why do these children wound me so.

[manicdragondreamgirl]

I haven’t had chemistry since like 2008, and I’m also an idiot who likes to make my friends upset, so I rated the periodic table in order to tilt my friends:

Hydrogen - this is like your childhood friend who has always been with you more or less and always will be down to get a drink and chill even tho you haven’t spoken in years. Solid bro imo 7.5/10

Helium - always down for a good time, even if probably created Alvin and the Chipmunks which in some places is considered a war crime. 4/10

Lithium - Gives me bitchy vibes and is flammable as fuck if I remember. Skinny bitch with an attitude 3/10

Beryllium - idk this sounds like a sailor moon villain lol for that it can have a 6/10

Boron - more like BORONG amirite ha ha wait no seriously I have no idea lol 5/10 clean neutral rating

Carbon - *screaming* 2/10 I will not be taking questions

Nitrogen - cool cool cool tight tight tight 9/10 Nitrogen just is the cool hot chick you wish you were

Oxygen - kid who takes up all the glory for the group project even tho you did all the work, 4/10 for natural charisma

Fluorine - lol what are you knockoff chlorine lmfao bitch 3/10 reminds me of the dentist

Neon - I can vibe with this boy for his contributions to signs which cause my eyes to scream 8/10 modernized Art Deco thanks you

Sodium - 10/10 this is me and I won’t be taking questions next element

Magnesium - magnesium is a close relative of magnificent and therefore I think the case is closed folks 9/10

Aluminum - 10/10 for providing a home to my Diet Coke addiction I’d be dead without you

Silicon - 6.9/10 :smirk:

Phosphorous - This has a very soundly name and it’s welcome to do that but idk, not a fan, seems like he’d be smelly, 2/10

Sulfur - 1/10 pretty sure that dog farts are purely comprised of this and as such if I was leaving negative ratings I would

Chlorine - 7.8/10 for being in pools so we could swim without brain eating amoeba in the south you a champ

Argon - he seems like a nerd jk this guy has a good color 9/10 for just being himself

Potassium - I hate bananas and this word gives me the physical sensation of biting into one but only by thinking of abstract letters and making them into something which we can nutrientise from bananas and to me that shit is bananas, b a n a n a s — 3/10 for making me sing hollaback girl thru adhd word association

Calcium - hm my brain went to mega milk so you get a 2/10 today bud I don’t make the rules

Scandium - pretty sure this is fake lol what’s next faxdium, e-Mailite and copinium? 5/10

Titanium - this song’s a banger and also is the only thing that lets me wear earrings 10/10

Vanadium - if your erection lasts for longer than like idk it’s supposed to then don’t take vanadium wait what do you mean it’s not an ED treatment 4/10

Chromium - decent bloke shame the browser eats all your memory 5/10

Manganese - if a weeb tries to tell me how to pronounce mayonnaise one more time... 1/10

Iron - excellent tool against the fey, in your blood, what a bro, 10/10 this bitch slaps

Cobalt - has a powerful energy; I respect him. 8/10

Nickel - if I had a nickel for every time someone made this joke lol 5/10 he’s doing his best

Copper - taste bad 3/10

Zinc - isn’t that the dude in the green tunic and white tights who saves premcess Lelda or something lol 7/10 those games are good

Gallium - seems like a prick 4/10

Germanium - sounds like a child pronouncing geraniums which are superior 3/10

Arsenic - bad vibes coach 1/10

Selenium - isn’t this just sailor moon lol 10/10 love this bitch

Bromine - farmine wherever you aremine - 9/10 I love a good bro

Krypton - he’s okay I guess 5/10

Rubidium - yet another Steven universe villain who will be redeemed I imagine 4/10 seems a bit dull

Strontium - I feel nothing when I see this lad’s name and that seems like a shame 1/10 I don’t like it

Yttrium - this is an atrium in Yharnam, or something 8/10 would love to sit in one and make contact with higher beings

Zirconium - oh wait THIS is the sailor moon villain from the dead moon circus! 9/10 I enjoyed that arc

Niobium - seems sassy, I like that in an element 7/10

Molybdenum - I hate this one, rancid. 1/10 for making me have flashbacks to difficult Ancient Greek vocabulary there is no fucking way that sound combination is anything but Beta and Delta borking and then Latin being like oh imma steal that

Technetium - 6/10 decent name but seems a bit forced

Ruthenium - 5/10 kindly old lady element I guess lol

Rhodium - 10/10 this ain’t my first rhodium babee this lad has good vibes what a name what a king

Palladium - 10/10 for making me think of paladins

Silver - 12/10 I’m breaking the rules for this silver is the best it is so cool and also it is the other best tool for dealing with supernatural creatures when iron has failed you highly suggest Even if I am extremely allergic to it going into my ears...wait hold on

Cadmium - 2/10 sounds like a total douche

Indium - 8/10, i just think it’s independent and neat

Tin - 10/10 good ear sounds when involving rain and roof shapes and automatically reminds me of Nora Jones’s come away with me album which is also 10/10

Antimony - 7/10 decent protagonist good name all around seems rad

Tellurium - tell ur mom what? That’s so early 2010s league of legends humor bro 2.5/10

Iodine - strikes fear in my soul from having it poured on my wounds but this is why I have more pain tolerance than god 5.3/10

Xenon - I think this is a declension of Xena warrior princess which is a win in my eyes, 8/10

Caesium - kind of has a cunty Latin name, 4.5/10

Barium - yeah boss, bury’im! 7.5/10 I love a good mobster gag

Lanthanum - A bit pretentious on the Tolkien spectrum sorry bud 3/10 sounds like you’d be the dickwad elf everyone hates

Cerium - 6.5/10 I like this one, gives me a clean vibe

Praseodymium - the fuck who sneezed all their alphabet soup onto the paperwork and called it an element Christ we can’t keep doing this 1.5/10

Neodymium - oh my god what did I just say 1/10

Promethium - thank Christ we’re back to greek 9/10 Prometheus was a Chad I could get behind

Samarium - 5/10 gives me boring wizard vibes

Europium - 4.5/10 don’t rename opium chrissake can’t take these nerds anywhere

Gadolinium - 5/10 it’s a starship knockoff but it’s trying to be bold with the G sound

Terbium - 2/10 I don’t vibe with this one

Dysprosium - sounds like an antidepressant that has a lot of shitty side effects 3/10

Holmium - sounds like someone anxious asking their beloved to hold them 8/10 I like hurt/comfort fics

Erbium - you can’t just describe something as herby you daft bastard 2/10

Thulium - sounds like a spell I like it 8.5/10

Ytterbium - macguffin in a shite sci-fi show that gets highly overrated because BBC produced it and superwholock stans emerge and go utterly feral 1/10

Lutetium - bards are an element I agree 10/10

Hafnium - sounds like a river (my dog) sound and has a cute vibe, I’d offer it head pats 7/10

Tantalum - noooo you can’t be sad yuor so sexe haha 6.9/10 tantalizing

Tungsten - 10/10 this is a lad with history

Rhenium - 5.5/10 it’s ok

Osmium - 4/10 I wasn’t a big wizard of oz fan

Iridium - 9/10 sounds like iridescent and that’s in my top 10 favorite words and concepts

Platinum - 10/10 best Pokémon game

Gold - 7.9/10 all that glitters and all but it’s still pretty on some people, silver is better tho

Mercury - yikes 8/10 so it doesn’t kill me

Thallium - sounds like the brother character in a ps4 exclusive western rpg that oddly falls under the radar in terms of reviews and gets shafted at awards for no reason 7/10 I’ll support you tho

Lead - 2/10 that’s gonna be a no from me dawg pretty sure I still have lead in my hands from stabbing myself with my mechanical pencils

Bismuth - 6/10 sounds good in mouth and reminds me of biscuits for some reason, I’ll take it

Polonium - to thine own self be true so stop trying to act like the arts don’t influence science jk pretty sure this is named for Poland but hey that’s where we get the Witcher so you get a pass 6/10

Astatine - 1/10 I don’t even know what you are

Radon - 7/10 this motherfucker knows his shit and how to party, rad is right

Francium - I bring you francium...and I bring you myrdurdium... 7/10 for a good vine

Radium - killed the video star probably 9/10 I can get behind her

Actinium - as opposed to passtinium I prefer actinium in the voice of writing 8/10

Thorium - overrated Norse god 5/10 because lightning is still cool

Protactinum - sounds like some pretentious condom brand 4/10 wouldn’t do it with a dude who bought these

Uranium - I always thought she was a hot sailor scout 10/10

Neptunium - same for her I knew they weren’t cousins you couldn’t lie to me 4kids 10/10

Plutonium - sounds like a macguffin unfortunately 5/10

Americium - I read this with a pivotal letter missing and nearly died, 7/10 for the laugh

Curium - 10/10 gives me Curie vibes and also reminds me of curiosity which reminds me of—[old yellered before the association could set in]

Berkelium - what I shout when I want Burke (fam dog) to slaughter innocents and raze territories 2/10 world was not meant to know his commands

Californium - 1/10 California is cool with geography but probs could stand to chill with the ego sorry to my friends in Cali

Einsteinium - 6/10 it’s alright but we’re really running out of ideas huh

Fermium - 3/10 this one is porny

Mendelevium - 1/10 my brain didn’t like parsing this and I stand by my earlier statement of running out of good names

Nobelium - 0/10 you didn’t name any noble gases this cowards this gas can’t be a noble oh wait it’s NOBEL I take it back 5/10 seems an alright chap

Lawrencium - fear the old blood my sorry dead hunter’s ass I’ll never get back my life from the hours I spent trying to beat this lava shitting bastard 2/10 for being a boss who eats Taco Bell specifically before being challenged to have fresh lava shit with which to punish you for having the audacity to exist in his space

Rutherfordium - my god what a snob 4.2/10 I respect him a little but only because he sounds like a right lad

Dubnium - DROP THE BASS 10/10

Seoborgium - not sure about this one but it can have a 7/10

Bohrium - as an American English speaker this sound combination makes my pathetic throat become a black hole as I try to properly create the sound of it 10/10 I love when my body becomes a massive void in the universe

Hassium - lazy 2/10

Elements 109-118 can go fuck themselves I hate them all, collective 6.66/10 for their general demonic vibe

[transxfiles]

Hello fellow Lumberjanes fans!! After reading Issue 75 I have Many Thoughts (Head Full) so I wrote this little fic (below the cut for your convenience), please enjoy <3

They tell the younger kids it's a slumber party. Something to celebrate the end of summer, and the promise of coming back next year.

The younger kids know they're lying.

"The yeti's are here," a little girl says matter-of-factly to Jo. "And all the big bugs, and the mermaids and the selkies. And the selkies never come."

Jo looks at her sash, covered in badges like she was waiting to show her parents. She's only at Seedpod level, not even a Sapling yet. She's got a few badges - Pungeon Master, May The Forge Be With You, Daylight Savor - and she sewed them on herself, by the looks of it. Maybe her counselor helped her out with the first one. Jo wants to ask her where her counselor is, wants to find someone else to take this poor kid off her hands, but then Jo remembers that Marley said. We did a head count and we have all the scouts, but...

She realizes that Jen was one of the lucky ones.

"Everything's gonna be okay," Jo tells the girl, managing to spit the lie out even though it's catching between her teeth. "It's just a slumber party. Then you get to go home in the morning, and it'll be fun."

The kid opens her mouth to say something else, but Jo's gone before she has the chance.

April's sitting in a hammock, one of the ones the Roswell's tied up high near the ceiling. Upon second glance, Jo realizes that Ripley's up there, too, though not for long - as soon as she spots Jo, she's speeding down the beam in a hurry, and before she knows it Jo sees an orange t-shirt and a streak of blue at her side.

"Are we sleeping up there?" Asks Jo.

"Nah, Dighton called dibs," April says. "But they're letting us hang out up here while they check on the moose stables. Looking for stragglers, folks who mighta been left behind."

"Me and April were looking through her scrapbook!" Ripley says, buzzing with excitement. You wouldn't think that a horrible catastrophic event was currently threatening to literally consume all of their lives. Except that Ripley's always like this, or at least, seems to be: bright and glittery and jumping up-and-down, with a grin so wide and toothy you could see how (The Other) Jonesy was willing to accept her as one of her own.

There's a noise from above, and Jo sees that April's started to shimmy down to the ground, now. She's got a satchel over her shoulder - Jo's satchel, she realizes - and her scrapbook's under her arm. April lands with a small Thud! on the ground in front of them, strikes a Spider-Man pose, and then stands, reaching out her elbow to Jo.

Elbow bump.

Bring it up.

Lock thumbs.

Wiggly fingers.

Peace sign.

The handshake is surprisingly calming, though maybe it shouldn't be. It reminds Jo that she's still here. She's still with April. The world is ending, not yet, not if they've got any say in it. Ripley lets out a small, longing sigh.

"I wish I had a secret handshake buddy."

The sun's setting outside the windows, and the girls stand there and watch it go down. All of them. Every cabin - Cosmos, Zodiac, Dighton, Luna, Woolpit, Eclipse, Roswell, Dyatlov, Aurora, Walcott, Dartmoor, Xena, Voynich, Roanoke. They stand, some clustered close together, others turned away. On each other's shoulders, in arms, in hugs and embraces and one impressive cheerleading lift from the Xena cabin, who've been working on it all summer and haven't had the time to show it off before. They watch the sun go down over the forest, and then it's gone.

For the first time in the world, the forest is silent.

Mal pulls out her guitar.

"Me and Emily and Wren have been working on something," she says. "I was helping them get some campfire song badges the other day."

Someone lights a small fire in the mess hall fireplace. Mal takes a seat right beside it, the warm glow making her seem braver than she is. Emily and Wren sit beside her, because they've already been dragged into this, whether they like it or not, and honestly, their song isn't half bad (at least, that was the verdict with Mackenzie when they sang it for her - they were technically supposed to run it past three people to get the badge, but Vanessa didn't need to know that).  

"When the world is ending we can sing and we can play, dancing in the forest as we laugh our lives away. Watch the stars go out my Lumberjane, and catch them one by one. Never know the place you go that changed your fear to fun."

Bubbles bounces off of Molly's head and scurries over to Ripley. They bow at each other and then begin to dance. It's not long before others join in. Mackenzie and Feryal start square-dancing. April and Jo never quite got their Go Ball-istic badges, but they manage. When someone trips, someone else catches them, and everyone laughs. Mal, Wren, and Emily's song has a tempo that's surprisingly upbeat. No one listens to the words.

When it's over, Mal sings them some cool indie song no one's ever heard of, and then a Disney request from a girl in Aurora (it's mostly improv'd, and some other girls jump in to help Mal find the chords, but overall she doesn't do a half-bad job), and then Lumberjanes Way, and then they tire themselves out and Seafarin' Karen (left in charge of the kids, left to guard them and make sure nothing bad happens to them) tells them they "ought to be gettin' some shuteye, dontcha think" and then before they know it they're off to bed.

They tuck themselves into sleeping bags, hammocks, makeshift beds, literal beds (some of the girls in Voynich and Eclipse just got their Wood You Or Wouldn't You woodworking badges, and are feeling handy right now) and someone sings a lullaby, though no one could tell you who. The counselors are noticeably absent; Vanessa's watching the perimeter by the volleyball courts, and Jen's on the porch of Rosie's cabin, and the others are all scattered somewhere in-between. The Roanokes are right in the middle of it all (because aren't they always?) fast asleep in the center of the mess hall.

Five girls sleeping, all in a row. Molly, Mal, Ripley, April, Jo.

Mal dreams about falling through the ocean. Ripley dreams of dinosaurs and cats, all named Jonesy, and siblings she's been missing for a while. April's punching something in her dream - she thinks it's a fox, but she's not sure. Jo's competing in a robotics contest against someone she doesn't quite recognize.

Molly dreams about a silver deer, racing through the forest, beckoning her softly to follow. The deer has antlers, a large, proud rack, but Molly knows its a girl. She has a bow around her neck, and a quiver of arrows. She's... she's going off to go fight something.

Molly wakes up.

(AO3)

[sierraraeck]

Healing - Epilogue

What happens after the end?

A/N: Just shit headcanons of mine. Some might be things I wanted to include and didn’t fit, or just fun ideas I had.

Later at the dinner party, Savannah makes a comment about Spencer and Aundreya and their relationship and whatever so Derek describes it to her.

He says he’d describe it as “He’d die for her, and she’d kill for him. Hell, they both already have.” Flashback to that time Spencer got shot and that other time her dad grabbed him and held a gun on him and that other time he had a sniper on him and that other other time he got kidnapped and tortured.

Then Derek asks Aundreya (who’s no longer paying attention to anyone other than Spencer) “Speaking of, what is your body count for him? Five?”

“Uh… let’s not talk about it.” It was seven. Darrell Fairchild (the guy in prison), a prison guards (she accidentally blew too much of the drug in his face), Dakota (Spencer’s dealer), Xena, Archer, Joe Spade (her dad died in prison because she sent him there and died probably due to her friends on the inside if we wanna count that), and DeLeon.

She didn’t kill DeLeon when she first cuffed him, but her friends in prison killed him on behalf of her so…

Aundreya insists that Spencer get her ring symbol tattooed on his hip like the rest of them. His has a little diamond on the inside of one of the infinity loops so everyone knows that he’s “the king to Alionth’s queen”

Aundreya stays with the BAU but whenever she has free time, she visits the ring and does what she can to keep them going, but Deen is doing a pretty good job on his own.

Deen is totally in love with Penelope and the two of them go on to have an amazing life together, causing Deen to step back a little.

Which means that Mateo and Niko get to take on more responsibility.

Mateo.

Ugh he was a good one, but he wasn’t Spencer. Mateo knew it was coming before it happened. He could see it in Aundreya’s eyes. He’s doing okay and will hopefully find some new lady soon.

Niko and Roman are together, by the way, so they’re all good.

Everyone, including the BAU, was invited to the wedding. Chaos ensued.

Mateo finally gets to rename “the ring” “the Lions”

The Lions become a criminal information network that consults with the FBI. They still do their own shit, but are up for hire, by the BAU specifically if they need it.

Aundreya finally stops dancing for money.

But she still does it for fun.

Like for Derek’s bachelor party, she got all of her best girls to dance with her, and even taught Savannah a few moves which she learned at her bachelorette party so that she could perform for Derek.

Aundreya totally gives the girls lessons.

Emily is strong so she's pretty good at it, but she’s not as flexible as JJ who is actually kind of a natural. She’s also a twig, so that doesn’t hurt. Tara has already taken a pole dancing class, so she’s got it together. Penelope is the best at all the dance stuff and could give you the lap dance of your life. Deen approved.

They perform it one night at the strip club and make a shit ton of money. What do you expect, though? They’re wearing these super hot revealing clothes and everyone is losing their minds. The girls understand the appeal and why Aundreya hasn’t quit yet. Plus, free drinks afterwards.

Aundreya always comes home to Spencer who is more than willing to reap the rewards of her in sexy stripper clothes.

But she also totally has fun staying in and reading, or curling up on the couch with him watching tv.

They’re amazing in the field.

They have very different skill sets, but when they team up, watch your back. They bounce ideas off of each other so fast sometimes the team can’t keep up. But the real magic happens in the interrogation rooms. They play off each other so well it’s honestly scary. They’re always on the same page and can freely improvise and the other can totally change their plan and follow. Like mind reading, but scarier.

Both of them still have nightmares, Spencer more than Aundreya because of his memory, but she’s always there to comfort him. They’ve had their fair share of late night walks. Spencer always brings his gun, and Aundreya has a dagger. They’re prepared.

She once took down a man that had been walking in the same direction as them for too long and kept side eyeing them. Apparently he was ‘looking at Spencer wrong’

Turns out, he was super gay and into Spencer and wanted to know if that was his girlfriend or someone else.

“Who else would I be to him?”

“Uh, I don’t know? Sister, cousin, friend…”

“I totally see the appeal but he’s taken.”

“Aundreya, get off him, I’m so sorry sir.”

They snuggle.

Neither will admit it.

But it happens.

One time it happened on the jet and the team had a meltdown.

They made fun of Spencer, asking him 21 questions about how he could get Aundreya to soften up, but no one really said anything to Aundreya about it.

Except Derek.

He made fun of her relentlessly and she kicked his ass.

The two of them spar a lot because it’s fun. They’re pretty evenly matched, but when Aundreya is pissed, Derek doesn’t have a chance. He’s stopped sparing with her when she’s in a bad mood, no matter how much she begs and reasons that it’ll make her feel better.

“But it won’t make me feel better”

“That’s not true. I know that you enjoy a good workout”

“Not when I can’t walk the next day because you don’t know how to take it easy”

“I always spar when you’re angry”

“Yeah because I’m not an out of control maniac!”

He had a point.

It’s usually their entire workout for the day. They usually draw a crowd because they’re mesmerizing to watch, but there was one time that a bunch of teenagers were around, so they recorded it and posted it on YouTube and Instagram. They went viral.

Aundreya is Emily’s wing-woman at a lesbian bar and totally helps her get this super hot trainer. It happens more than once, sometimes with Tara joining too until Emily and Tara pull themselves together and kiss. Aundreya had a similar pep talk with Emily as she had with her about Spencer.

The only other person besides Spencer that sees her soft side is Penelope. After a really rough case, they’ll drive to as many pet shops in the area and look at/hold as many cute animals as they can. The owners know them by now and will let them basically hold and take care of any animal they want to.

Rossi gifts Aundreya his expensive whiskey from that night as a housewarming gift when her and Spencer finally get a little townhouse. They didn’t want something big, but still wanted an upgrade from an apartment.

Side note: Aundreya not only wanted to recruit Penelope to join her ring, but she was looking to rope Rossi in as a client since he’s stupid rich. Never happened but could’ve been fun.

Spencer and Aundreya can really only sleep if the other is with them. It’s like they’re the other’s sleeping drug. They always get paired in the same room, because one time they tried to separate them, and they were inhaling caffeine like it was the only thing keeping them alive and were grumpy as hell the next day.

They check on the other whenever they can. It’s usually small, like longer eye contact or a small squeeze on the shoulder. They’re not big on PDA so they wait until they’re in private to just full on collapse into the other and hold each other.

They call when they haven’t heard from the other in too long because they worry.

But their favorite little “tradition” is the mornings. They have a nice routine, but the mornings they love the most are the ones they have off. They have a porch, so they’ll take their coffee and tea out there, and just sit, enjoying the morning air. Even when it’s snowing, they don’t take as long, but they make the effort to just go outside and take a deep breath before the craziness of the day starts. It grounds them and helps remind them that they’re alive, and that the other is right beside them.

And always will be.

Series Taglist

@justanothetfangirl @kris-stuff @blameitonthenight21 @wooya1224 @unded-bride @swiftingday @dezzxmx

[lemonietrinket]

Traditions ||| Prince!Yeosang x Princess!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Fantasy, a bit of angst but a happy ending Warning(s): inferences to death (succession) and natural disaster tragedy  Word Count: 4005 AN: Happy Birthday Yeosang blessed elfin prince. Just thinking about how princely he appears was the only inspiration for this entirely. you can tell i find yeosang beautiful and i will not apologise for that. feminine-presenting Reader Royalty AU

~~~

Wind whistling outside the murky visage of dark stained glass, you made your way through the long corridors to the dining hall. The cold air that nipped at your cheeks was only rebuffed by the delicately carved firebrands that lined the walls, hooded by rouge. 

Even though you wished you had taken Beatrice up on her suggestion that you wear a dress that would match one of your several coats, you couldn’t say you entirely regretted your decision. The way the silver tresses that entwined across your waist was worth the goosebumps beneath long draping sleeves. The amaranthine shine gave you the firm yet free light that reflected in your eyes, gracing all who could see with not only your true colours but also a sight for sore eyes. You’d always suited the soft violet silk, for years having been a private signature that made you feel unique behind closed doors. It did not provide its own form of stability to the people, however, quite like the vermilion did. Knowing that in these times they needed it in every capacity, you garbed yourself in red for the world, while violet remained a treat.

Besides, you knew there was another benefit to the tremors of shiver that ran up your spine and pooled at your exposed shoulders.

Taking the last corner you could finally see the large oak doors that led into the hall in the dim light. They were closed, but a thin sliver of gold broke through their seal, its promise of food inviting you in. However, a few feet away from the corridor’s end, something else stole your attention entirely. A shimmer of auburn in the thick of the night.

Distracted you slowly made your way over to the nearest window, excitement pooling in your chest and fluttering like a bird wishing to be set free.

one pair of small but intricate heels that had been clicking against the rich wood behind you suddenly slowed. Peering back without hesitation, you saw your second lady in waiting’s grin glimmer in the auburn light as she skipped to the nearest window.  Forcing yourself to look beyond the hazy reflection of yourself, you chased the lucrative gold that pierced the night. Your eyes began in the wrong place, too high, where the road began to sink into the distance, but they quickly trailed down to the castle-side, where you spotted, far below, a carriage flickering beside firelight. A warm smile you’d come to know well warmed upon your lips.

“He’s early,” you announced to the air, feeling slightly guilty when the guard stood firmly by the door offered you a startled look

“Who is, Your Royal Highness?” he stuttered, a panicked undertone as he assumed that you’d been talking to him.

You chuckled, feeling relieved as he visibly relaxed, “Why, Graves, my husband of course!” It was clear that he tried to hide the surprise in his expression, not realising that he shared with you.

“I know, absurd right?” you said, sweeping over to the door as he returned your grin at last, before imploring to him in a whisper, “I won’t eat you, Graves, I promise. I’m not like my father.”

“Yes, Your Royal Highness.” He bowed in acknowledgement.

Praying that the interaction would dispel any residing fears, you passed through into the dining hall, tall and imposing. You hadn’t liked it all that much, it was too tall and grand, with chandeliers the size of sleeping quarters and columns whose cracks were filled with molten silver. It was a bit much, especially just for a place to eat, but you knew how much worse it could be. You’d seen your older sister’s, you’d seen the drapes of handwoven silk cast in bright crimson and the intricacies of the hand-carved floorboards, dictating the legends of the early days. As vulgar it was, it was how your father built castles for his kingdom, and it was no wonder that it would be the one you would inherit. 

Ignoring the painted ceiling you ran your eyes along the long mahogany table at the numerous platters dotted across its surface at both ends, lids retaining heat and disguising the beauty inside. You wondered why they always made so much for you when you never ate it anywhere near it all.  The firelight from the large hearth that filled the room with a homely scent of warmth and tranquil danced across the varnished floor, painting it with muffled shades of gold and pink. And there, on the other side of the hall was a shadow that disjointed said light.

Tilting your head up confidently, your fingers interlinking at your waist, you found the man who you had waited for every time, waiting for you.

Having shed his onyx coat and draped it across the back of his chair, you were blessed with just how well suited the deep azure of his kingdom. The satin across his back almost glittered in the light, adorning his neck that craned to let him look off to the left. His shirt was tucked neatly into black leather trousers, that you caught yourself staring at for way too long for the ‘checking for stains’ excuse to run even now (you were pretty sure he hadn’t believed the excuse in the first place anyway, but he hadn’t asked you to stop nor ever brought it up again, and you were pretty sure you’d caught him a few times staring at you so, who were you to complain?) that then slipped into comfortable laced boots. He had to have changed, he couldn’t have possibly worn them outside in such poor weather, and the thought just added to how your heart fluttered—he didn’t have to dress up at all, especially since he would have to go out again tomorrow.

His hand lifting from his hip, he removed his sword in its scabbard and leant it against the wall, before finally turning around.

Even at such a distance you were awestruck. Those gorgeous eyes that stared so knowingly at the world now gazed over at you, leaving you feeling a new shade of vulnerable that had taken a while to get used to, but now you weren’t sure you could live without. As with that vulnerability came his gentleness, the curve of his full lips that uttered sweet things despite his stoic nature, and the touch of his hand that rose to meet yours when you addressed the people. He had confused you at first, worried you the next as neither of you spoke. Now you understood his insecurities and threw any misinformed regrets to the side. Now you could see how his hair seemed to effortlessly curl to frame his face but also to carry a crown. 

His fringe then was mottled with damp, his hat adorning the chair with his coat having had only so much success protecting him from the rain. But he still looked ethereal as he always did, and sounded it too.

“Your Royal Highness,” he greeted as he was taught, a deep bow with his hand pressed to his heart. Even though the awkwardness had subsided between the two of you, you still greeted each other like this, despite what you’d discerned. 

“Your highness,” you returned, unable to hide your wince. Why couldn’t you greet each other like you wished you could? Ignore the rings on your fingers and the arrangements made by family and do it all properly.

He smiled at you and waited for you to take your seat, deep eyes following your every move. You sighed mentally, feeling the small doubts begin to regrow in your mind. Perhaps you’d misjudged entirely and your affections led you to just reach into the dark and cling to the first light that appeared.

Taking your seat, your eyes not leaving his, he at last drew his chair back at the opposite side of the table. You let him get comfortable before removing the closest lid to reveal a huge portion of neatly sliced venison seasoned with a variety of spices and coupled with copious vegetables—half of which you didn’t recognise. It smelt delicious and you took the cutlery into your hands, but with your mind preoccupied with another important matter you didn’t feel like eating at all.

While you ran the sharp edge of your knife across the tender flesh, Yeosang tucked straight in, not that you blamed him. His journey home had been long, sustained mostly on fish that would only remind him of home—that and your cooks being truly something special.

“So, dear husband,” you announced across the long table with a coy smile, timing your words just right so he would have his mouthful when he had to answer you, “how was your trip outside Cresciel’s borders?”

“Hmm...” He noticed the mischief in your lips, opting to take his time mulling your question over as he chewed even slower than before. It was moments like these, where he played along with you and teased in return, that questioned whether doubts should be sown. “It was long, mostly tedious. Earl of Blouze is an utter nightmare.”

“As usual,” you chuckled, the same mix of sympathy and humour bubbling in your chest as when you had found out who he would be travelling with. Yeosang hadn’t found it amusing and had sulked for the rest of the afternoon while the packing began. He looked adorable with a pout on his lips though, and you only cooed at him six times. “And Caillteo?”

He nodded. “Recovering well for how much damage was done. The mines are back up and running again, a good harvest this autumn and they’ll be back on their feet without aid. The people are still on edge but they seem hopeful, and you were right, Caillteoans are tough: they’ve leapt into construction and sharing resources between themselves fairly.”

“That’ll be Xena’s example,” you noted, taking a sip of your drink. Surprised at the sweet kick, you coughed before laughing at yourself, “they’re always leading by example—I’m fine Yeosang, really.”

You spotted the worry in his expression through how it turned blank. He’d explained it to you, bathed in the gold of the afternoon sun that did little to ease his mind. He didn’t want to panic the person in concern anymore than they perhaps already were. That had been the day where you’d run your fingers through his hair, locks smooth as silk and scented of the roses found on the mountainsides. He had softened in your embrace, letting you hold him delicately in the peace of the royal garden, closing his omniscient eyes that were cursed to catch too much. It had proven that just trying to be the stable option for the nation resulted in a chaos of the mind.  You wished he would rely on you more. You were used to it, your sister confided with you her plans to disappear, your mother on the will, your cousins when they visited. You didn’t get the choice in some of those circumstances, but you were willing to take on what Yeosang needed. 

You felt heat flush to your face. Since when had you become so attached to him? This hadn’t been what you had expected to happen at all.

“Yes, they truly are. I listened to their grievances, they were furious at how little respect they had received from Cruter, and extremely thankful for the aid we sent them. It was vital for them to get the waterways up and running again, otherwise it would have flooded the sewage system further and...” he came to an unexpected halt, as if a weight had rolled onto his tongue and forced it still. You placed your knife upon the plate quietly, inclining to listen to what finally followed. 

“Yeosang?” you murmured, though due to the distance you couldn’t be sure he even heard it.

“...Xena was glad to see where my allegiances laid, that seeing me gave them and Caillteoans hope. They wanted me to make it clear to you that their kingdom’s alliances are with you—us—alone.”

“They’ve turned away from your grandfather completely?” You couldn’t hide the surprise that filtered into your voice, but watched him carefully as you spoke in response to it. “He’s turned his most loyal—?”

“It’s what he deserves,” Yeosang interrupted, eyes turned towards his food. He’d paused eating, a cut of meat levied on his fork and he stared it down as if it were Cruter himself, “and I think they know how my father’s reign is going to go.”

He took the bite as if out of spite, digging in thoroughly once again. Meanwhile you were left frowning. “Have they managed to predict Idina too, do you think?” After he didn’t respond, you straightened your posture, worry beginning to sink in. “Yeosang? I don’t rule Cresciel yet, and if the plan falls apart I won’t have much power at all! A-as far as anyone else is aware, my sister is going to inherit the—”

“I don’t know,” he finally replied with the shake of his head, his frown mimicking yours, “that’s all they said.”

With eyes met across the vast mahogany dotted with silver and the firelight, silence seeped into the room, only dispelled momentarily by the crackle of flames. 

Your thoughts gathered in your brain, clustering and talking over one another, interjecting and splitting, producing more and more like a disease.  If others could work it out then it would only be a matter of time before your father would, and that would put both your sister and you in danger. Even being a beacon of calm for the future to the people and surrounding kingdoms wouldn’t be enough to hold your plans together, and if things went truly wrong, not only would you be at huge risk of losing your husband and all the arrangements your marriage made, but there would also be mayhem for the innocents you had subtly promised would be safe.

Your breath came out ragged and you swallowed it to steady. The situation was sticky, but you would pull through. You’d make it work. The King of Caillteo was on your side, and that strengthened what you had. Cruter could hardly have endeared himself to his subjects through his ignorance towards the tragedy—especially since word carried that the angered storm had affected the outer towns upon his Siyanirean borders too. With that in hand and your plan just in the waiting process, it wouldn’t be long before Yeosang was King in his grandfather and father’s stead and the kingdoms were united, working peacefully instead of warring like they always did.

Digging your nails into your palms, you wondered why your nerves wouldn’t simmer down. You’d gone over the plan hundreds of times, and things were moving in your favour—both should have eased the sudden attack of worry. But they didn’t, and you were left with bruise-purple divots in your palms, and quivering fingers. You wanted them to be held still, you didn’t like the sight of them fragile. You wanted to be held, by Yeosang—no other would do, as no one else understood it all. He was the only one who knew the details of the full plan, knew what the pressure was like. But he was on the other end of the table.

It seemed ridiculous that a table and a (comparatively) short distance was holding you back. There were no physical barricades, the grandiose chairs tucked in neatly, the food too cold to even eat and get you to stay. Yet, even though your feet twitched, your body didn’t move to go to his side and ask for comfort, like you’d given to him that golden afternoon before.

“Did you miss anything,” your mouth spoke out of the blue, “while you were gone?”

Had your husband looked up he would have noticed the disjoint between your calm tone and your stony expression. But he didn’t, not yet. 

“Not my ship if that’s what you’re asking,” he retorted, assuming you were teasing him once again. After finishing another bite you stared as his face softened, “Though I guess I missed some company.” When you didn’t speak up, voice trapped in your throat as your brain ticked over what he meant, he continued, “The nights were cold, so I thought I missed the warmth of here. They were also quiet, and so I thought I missed the sounds of here but... the more I thought about it, the more I realised that this castle is just as quiet as the other ones I stayed in, and when I added blankets it made no difference. 

“And then I had to speaks to others and, well... every time I met with the nobles, it felt as if they looked down on me, as if I wasn’t really one of them despite my claim. I knew it shouldn’t surprise me, as my grandfather is, well, my grandfather and no one knows just how poor my father’s health is but... even the people didn’t believe I was the real deal, and they were the nice ones. Others I’m sure couldn’t comprehend I was capable of making a difference at all.”

As he trailed off, with your eyes hazy you countered plainly. “And you wanted me there so they somehow wouldn’t? If I was there they wouldn’t look at you at all.” You would have winced at the harshness of your words, consoled him with an apology and the distraction of food or a change of scenery, but you didn’t. You cursed yourself for being selfish.

Yeosang however didn’t seem to take it to heart, trying to explain clearer. “No I mean... it’s easier to chase the doubts of my own abilities away with you at my side. Because you believe in me.”

After cleaning his plate his pretty eyes flicked up to take you in at last, only to become flecked with worry. “Why aren’t you eating?”

Debating and answer in your head you remained silent, gaze dropping to your lukewarm food without a single chunk missing. Clutching your hands together in your lap in an effort to control the quiver in them, you avoided his stare. “I really mean that much to you?”

Out of your peripheral you caught his nod. “Of course. You’re my closest friend, my rock, I don’t think I could have ever succeeded like this without you.”

You peered up at him at last, to catch the sincerity on his features. The apples of his cheeks had a blushed hue, so did the tips of his ears. But you couldn’t make out the etches upon his lips, or the birthmark adorning the corner of his eye. He was too far away, all because of stupid rules. “Then why are you so far away?” you poised.

There was a heavy silence that seemed to even mottle the crackling in the hearth. Your gaze trailed over to the dancing flames, warm and dynamic like the flushes of first love—like your heart.

“Because I didn’t think you wanted me any closer.”

Your head whipped up to him as soon as his words graced the air and the creak of wood scraping across wood resonated through the floor. Yeosang, with footfalls cautious, was making his way across the dining hall towards you. You straightened your back, mouth agape but with no words to fill the space.

Even though it felt like the journey took hours, he was suddenly at your side, brow creased with concern as he placed one hand tentatively on the back of your chair. 

“Y/N, I...”

“I missed you too.”

Chin tilted up you took in the sight of the man you had married properly. How his jaw curved, how his chest rose and fell as he breathed, how his hair slowly fell out of place to cover his eyes while he peered down at you. Months of past worry trickled through from your subconscious as you remembered the anxieties you’d had about your marriage. You trusted your mother’s decision, but that didn’t mean you didn’t interrogate yourself nightly on whether you could be happy being married to a man you didn’t love romantically, one that you didn’t desire sensually. 

You hadn’t slept the night before the castle doors opened to welcome in your chosen suitor. You’d been informed it was a tough and arduous selection process but you had blanked most of it out. With a stone-set face you had been helped into a dress of your sister’s—flowing scarlet with gold lace at the neck—before adorning your neck with an amethyst necklace despite the advice you were offered. Then you took those wide grand stairs down to where your soon-to-be fiance waited, arm interlinked with your sister’s. She had smiled and said something to you, but you hadn’t paid any attention—this time for a good reason.

After days on end of worrying, you were confronted with a meek young boy who could easily have been mistaken to be years younger than you. Garbed in rich navy, he stood prostrate at his father’s side, his posture displaying confidence as he was instructed while his stare flit upon the engraved ground.  When you had taken the final step and swept across the varnished pearl beneath your feet your families greeted heartily while you stared at the boy who eventually worked up the courage to stare back. ‘He isn’t real’, had been the first thought to flash in your mind. After all he had full cloudy cheeks and wide set dark eyes that made him look as if he was borne of another realm. You wondered if the pink blemish upon his temple was a sign of that: a deity’s way to prove that he was in fact human and not an angel. Eyeing him up and down you had found a body just out of proportion to be considered finished, but you guessed he would grow, and fit his elfin face one day in the future.  Overall, he had washed your worries away and replaced them with a newfound curiosity that you hadn’t mentioned to him before.

Of course, you had been right, he did grow. His shoulders broadened and chest filled out while his cheeks retained the majority of their softness. He grew then to become more open, a smile flourished on his lips and once that happened it was only a matter of time. Regardless, despite all his changes that young boy was still there, still watching carefully, even now.

Yeosang stood at your side quite like he had done all those years ago—back rigid, eyes trailing away from where he wanted to focus them. And it softened your heart, practically turned it to pulp, when he finally spoke in a voice completely different to the boy from your past, “I think I might be falling in love with you.”

You watched as he bit his lip disappointedly, as if he’d admitted something wrong. 

“Me too,” you breathed, dispelling his worry and turning it into a startled expression as you stood with him. Your fingers came up to his collar, straightening it out absentmindedly as you met his eyes properly this time. “Forget the rules, forget the traditions, Sangie?” you suggested in a whisper.

He nodded, a smile rising to his lips so bright that you couldn’t hold yourself back anymore.

Cupping his cheeks in your hands gently, he dipped in to let your lips finally meet, a hum bubbling through your chest in satisfaction. He was finally close to you, and he felt so different from what you’d imagined. His embrace pulling you close he radiated warmth. His lips tasted of the berries that he had drank and his touch was so fluid and soft across the skin of you back. You didn’t mind, you liked how wrong you were. 

Because he kissed you just like the tradition didn’t dictate, and though it had been the arrangements of others that brought your love to you, it was time to do it your way.

~~~

AN: I was going to make yn a duchess bc like princess is overdone and then i got confused and like shite just bc im british doesnt mean i understand the royal family one bit, let alone the hierarchy of titles

so yeah yn is a princess wbk

also this is much longer than the other presents only bc i got carried away i realise i like royal aus and this just wrote itself i promised myself i wouldnt do this with bday presents but oop

any names of the staff at the royal household were randomly generated place names were made using various words put into indifferentlanguages.com +  the word combiner on wordunscrambler.net (so any resemblance to rel places is unintentional)

(also none of yeosang’s relations are based on any of his real family of course, theyre just made up. i imagine yeosang loves his family very much and so this is just creative license)

~~~

Masterlist

[un-piorthos-et-tous-pour-un]

The thrilling adventures of a PA - Chapter Five : One man’s loss is another one’s gain. (Adam Sackler x Reader)

The nights have been short after what happened. You couldn’t find sleep, your mind kept rehashing that night, what you have said or done that might have laid to this, what you’ve could have done or said differently after he didn’t say anything all night long. It was tiring to say the least, combined with your work and the day to day life. It was starting to show, dark circles under your eyes, your shortened attention span and increased coffee consumption were obvious signs but working with actors rubbed off on you since you managed to fool the others until now, pretending everything was ok. But of course, you were not, and it was driving you crazy. Why were you stuck like this, knowing this must have been just a game for him, hoping for something that’ll never happen and hurting yourself for nothing ? It was ludicrous, completely laughable and once again you remember Stew’s words. So as you’re sat at your table, (barely) eating your lunch, you decide to move on, to stop been that wreck you’ve become and this time, you’ll stick to your plan. No more distractions, no more foolish hopes. You’ll do your job, perfectly, be nice and all but it’ll be it.

After you’re done, you go to the trailer park, walking mechanically towards Adam’s and you knock at the door. You hear footsteps inside, and you take a step back, knowing it’ll open in a few seconds, revealing the actor and you ready yourself for what’s to come. You take a deep breath and smile when he gets out, greeting you with a small ‘hello’. - ‘’We’re expected in 25 minutes on stage 8, are you ready to go ?’’, you ask him quietly, feeling he’s grumpy by the way he’s standing there, hand clenched on the doorknob. - ‘’Just give me a second, I’ve got something to finish first’’, he answers, getting back in the trailer and you nod, waiting as you cannot really do anything else for the moment. You cannot really hear what he’s saying but he seems pretty tensed. You jump a little when a loud thud resonates from the inside, the sound of a phone getting crashed on the floor it seems. You wonder what’s going on but just after you remind yourself that you’re not supposed to care about him anymore. - ‘’Adam?’’, you simply ask, as suddenly he rushes out, closing the door behind him in a loud clash. - ‘’I’ll need a new cellphone, can you get one for me ?’’, he simply throws at you as an answer, storming towards the stage without looking back. - ‘’Of course, you’ll have it tonight’’, you reply, brows furrowed for a second before you start walking behind him, letting him deal with whatever this is on his own. It’s not your problem and it never was after all. The rest of the day goes by in almost total silence but it’s not a bad thing in the end, it allows you to detach yourself, Once you’re home after getting some food from the little grocery store near your beuilding block, you check your mail and start preparing diner as tonight you’re hosting a small party at your place with some coworkers. Of course Shirley & Stew are going to be there along with Oona and the others but also some other technicians you’ve made friends with over the weeks. Nothing too fancy, just some snacks and drinks, a little chill evening to unwind after a hard day at work. Last time it was Oona’s turn to host and it was a nice setting as she had access to her building’s rooftop, so you try to make it up for it with a large variety of snacks. You’re not a good cook but you’re creative so you’ve come up with many different dips for the crips & vegetable sticks you’ve prepared for the occasion. You just hope you’ll be able to make the evening enjoyable for your guests, you all deserve a break and it would bother you to fail to provide that tonight. Once you’re all set, you take a quick look around and you’re pretty satisfied, the place looks cosy, invinting and the food is spread equally, if they don’t want to move too much they’ll be able to taste everything in one spot. Being a PA as also rubbed off on your organizing skiils, you tend to anticipate more, think ahead and it shows. A few months ago, such a party would result in utter choas because you’d have second guess yourself about everything, trying to please everyone to be accepted, leading to disaster because time would have fly by, leaving you with only one option, to order everythin & empty your meager savings just to save face. That xas progress, in the right way even & it made you smile. Who would’ve thought it possible only a few months ago ? Not yourself, for sure.

Before the first guests arrive, you go change your attire for something a bit more fitting but still quite comfy. You’re not going out after all, might as well just do the bare minimum, it’s not like you’re trying to get someone’s attention these days... A last look at yourself in the mirror and you go back to your living room, waiting for your friends who should be there in only a few minutes now. The first to knock is, not a surprise for you, Oona, who got her arms full of boxes, each containing her famous cupcakes. - “I think I’ve overdone myself this time”, she says laughing a bit as she comes in but knowing the others, there would be none left by the end of the evening. - “If you ever consider a career change, I suggest you open a bakery, I’ll be your most loyal customer, your cupcakes are to die for”, you tell her as she puts the boxes down on the table before she turns over to hug you. - “I’ll keep that idea in mind, maybe i’ll do it on the down low, like some people do it on Etsy or something”, she answers smiling before making herself at home. “Need a hand for something?” - “Nope, I’m all set as you can see but you’re sweet to ask.” Before you can say anything else, the others start arriving and so the party begins. You try your best to be a good host, it’s not easy for you as usually you’d rather stay home, by yourself and watch tv shows & stuff like that but for once, you’ll make an effort. Your little group made you feel accepted & competent so you kinda owe them that, and you could survive being a social animal for one small night, right ? It’s 2 hours into the party when you see Shirley coming your way with a big smile on er face and you’re not sure what it bodes for you so you try to match her attitude but still weary deep inside. She wants to congratulate you for the party, saying it’s one the chilliest she’s ever been to but you can’t help but think she’s only saying that to make you feel better (that’s so Shirley after all). Without missing a beat though, she changes topics and mentions that there is someone here that seems very interest in you and she points (not so) discreetly towards him, making him wave back at the both of you. - “So unconspicuous, thanks now I’m blushing for no reason”, you joke with her but your cheeks feel warm still. It’s Dominic. He’s working as a gaffer for the studio and you’ve talked with him a couple of times already. He seems to be a nice guy, geeky like you. last time you two chatted together, you’ve spent a good 20 minutes debating which composer was the best when it came to original movie soundtracks, something any other guy would probably consider boring and trivial. - “Maybe not for no reason... I mean dearie, he’s kinda cute. Plus he’s clearly into you. You should go talk to him, like right now”, she says still smiling but you can sens it’s not really a recommandation, more like an order. - “You’re never going to leave it alone, are you?”, you reply  you know the answer already. - “You deserver some love too darling, so go on, he doesn’t bite... maybe if you ask nicely though...” - “Shirley!”, you utter disapprovingly as she waddles away from you chuckling. But the deed is done, you notice that Dominic is coming towards you & you smile politely as he stops in front of you. - “Quite à party you’ve thrown here, congratulations”, he says jokingly as he points out to all your coworkers around, busy chatting while emptying the plates & drinks you’ve set out in the appartement. - “Thanks, you’re sweet to say that but I know it’s pretty basic. I didn’t have the time to come up with something as elaborate as the others”, you defend yourself. - “Yeah but at least you did your best, that has to count for something, right?”, he remarks and you nod slightly. - “Oh, now that’ I’m thinking about it, did you have time to watch the movie I talked you about the other day?”, you ask, more than relieved to change subject. - “Not yet, no, but I’ll give it a try soon, it’s on my watch list”, he answers chuckling a bit. - “So you’ve got one too, I’m not the only one who keeps tracks like this”, you admit chuckling too. And off you both go into a conversation about your most anticipated tv shows and without noticing it, the party is over and you’re left on your own to clean up the place but your friends are nice people, they collected the glasses and plates so you just have to pick everything up & put it in your sink. After the last bit is set to dry for the night, you crawl to your bedroom and fall on your bed, drowsing off into sleep with ease. The following days when you cross path with them, you got some compliments for your little spree and you must say, it uplifts your spirit after all that happened. Plus, as days go by, you’re starting to get closer to Dominic. Often you’re spending your lunch break together, chatting about your hobbies and stuff like that, discovering that you have a lot in common. As you thought, he’s nuce, not to narrow-minded but not too opiniated either. He loves animals (he showed you loads of pictures of his dog already and he’s as cute as his owner you must admit) and he loves the same old tv shows such as Xena or McGyver. It’s almost as if you made him in a computer (to continue the references to vintage tv shows you both like of course). So obviously, you’re on your guard. You’ve learned that if it’s too good to be true, it’s probably a trap and you’d rather avoid falling in another one right now. Plus the fact that you like the same things doesn’t mean anything, just that you had similar tastes and backgrounds as you’re roughly the same age too. But you’re not going to lie, you wouldn’t mind going out with him if the possibility should present itself some day. As for how things are going with Adam, you’re not exactly sure where you’re standing. Still not a single word regarding the kiss and he’s been pissed ever since that phone call the other day. So you do your job, daily and as good as ever even if the mood has clearly changed between you two. It’s a bit hard for you to force yourself not to care since it’s part of the job in a way but well, not that way and you know it. You’re not far from him as you both walk to the set and you yawn a bit, you watched the last season of How To Get Away With Murder yesterday’s evening but you sacrified your resting hours to know how it ended & it shows. - “Another party ?”, you suddenly hear coming from him, making you furrow your brows. Was that a jab at you ? It certainly feels so... - “No, not that it’s any of your business even if it was”, you remark maybe a bit too hastily but you don’t wanna hear any more innuendos regarding what you do or might be doing at night coming from him. He has no right to comment on that. “I’ve left the new pages of the script on your table, there’s only 3 lines that changed. I’ve marked them to save you the pain to go through it to found out which”, you add then to change the topics and open the door to the set, letting him enter first. He just nods to thank you and that’s it for conversation. You go join the others on the side and gladly chat with them after that new spat with Adam. Stew gives you a compassionate pat on your arm and you smile back at him, content that none of them ask what put you in that mood. The usual chatter sets your mind aside and the rest of the day arrives sooner than you thought, allowing you to get home early, giving you the opportunity to treat yourself with a feel good movie & some comfort food. But even that doesn’t really help because you can’t stop asking yourself what game he’s playing with you, ignoring you one moment and asking personal questions the other, like he’s some kind of Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. But luckily, you’re tired so you doze off, your mind finally giving you a break & cherry on the to of it all, you’re not coming back to work before noon the next day. As you join Shirley & Oona at their table for lunch, you catch Dominic in the distance. He’s waving at you so you wave back & see Shirley smile a bit as you sit down. - “What? He was saying hello, I just waved back”, you defend yourself, knowing what that smile means coming from her. - “I didn’t say a word darling”, she says a little bit too cheerfully to your taste. - “No need for that, you’ve got your ‘I’m judging you pout’ going on”, quips Oona, visibly amused too by your conversation. - “Ah! See, you’ve got that face, I’m not the only one saying it”, you remark as you sip on your drink with your straw. - “But she’s got a point though, you’re flirting with him”, Oona points out sipping hers too, making you almost sneeze yours out. - “I’m not, I’m being polite, you two should try it some time”, you retort, knowing they’re saying the truth but for now you ant to avoid confronting it, you’re not in the right mindset to start a relationship. They both chuckle and you end up chuckling too, making you think the topic was over but as usual, Shirley doesn’t give up that easily. - “Just be careful if you go out with him, don’t give him any false hope”, she adds, all wisely. - “Why would I do that?”, you ask, brows furrowed, not really knowing where this is coming from. - “You know why”, she says giving you the ‘you know who I’m talking about’ look. “The guy’s into you but don’t let him get close if your heart & mind are still hooked somewhere else”.

She just hit the spot. You always felt like she was some sort of a mind reader and this just confirms it for you because it’s like she knew what was going on inside your brain and strangely, you both knew it, given the look you two share at this point. Feeling the silence is getting awkward, Oona throws another subject out of nowhere and lunch goes by with you thinking about way too many things to really enjoy your food. You’re still processing that whole exchange during the afternoon, warranting yourself some side glances from Adam from time to time, which you deliberately chosoe to ignore. And it kinda pisses you off that he cares now but still not enough to talk to you about wha happened. Another reason you really should start to forget about him & you know it but it’s not that easy since you’re by his side all day long. Deep down you know what you have to do, it’s obvous but that’ll ask a lot for you & you’re not sure you’ll be able to hold the distance. Despite your slight shyness, you’re someone who cares about people (some may even say you care too much) so for you to cast your feelings aside even though you know that’s what needs to be done, it’s gonna be problematic. On your ride home, you nearly miss your stop because you’re deep in your thoughts and as the evening goes on, you feel a headache forming up, making you officially brand the day a crappy one. The next morning you arrive on set, completely on auto-pilot, the two coffee you already took didn’t have any effect on you until now but you pull through, the last thing you xant is hearing another remark coming from Adam about how you look tired, assuming you went out even though he’s part of the reason you’re in that state. But nothing comes and you’re relieved, avoiding yet another spat with him makes your day easier. In order to keep your cool for the day, you decide to eat your lunch next to the costume department building, knowing almost nobody goes there during the break. After a good thirthy minutes, you return to the real world and you cross path with Dominic, who’s leaving for the day, lucky him. You chat a little and when he leaves, you feel lighter. It’s stupid, you curse yourself to be that way, so unstable in your emotions, such a mess when clearly you should know better with what to expect from someone like him, playing with people just because he can. That’s where you’d like to have a dog, to keep you company in times like this, to cheer you up with its cute face. And at least, he wouldn’t play with your feelings like someone else did. But it would be unfair to him, as you wouldn’t be able to xlak him when needed, plus your building rules don’t allow pets in the appartments so... You just hold your pillow close & wait for sleep to come and get you so you can finally call it a day.

[filmmakerdreamst]

Xena: Warrior Princess Review

During Pride Month 2020, I finally got around to watch ‘Xena’. A show that had been in my to-watch list for years, but never got around to start. And when I finally did, I was pleasantly surprised. It was not what I expected and it was everything I think my 11 year old self would have loved.

The one thing that surprised me about the show, was the lack of packaging. Even though it was a fantasy, it also played with different kinds of genres too. I’ve talked about this before in my other review - ‘Xena’ was made at a time when TV had very few rules/rarely had a set audience, since there were parts of the show that were clearly for kids and there were other parts that were clearly for adults (therefore had much more flexibility). I admired how they weren’t afraid to break barriers and touch on deep themes such as religion, morality, redemption, spirituality, motherhood, forgiveness etc - even more than shows of today are able. I also loved how they played into the idea of ‘murder’ and how much it can damage a person - not just the person who commits the act, but the many people affected afterwards. I wasn’t expecting it to be that extreme. It made me think that this must of been the inspiration for ‘Game of Thrones’. 

I see a lot of comments here and there, saying how ‘cheesy and terrible’ it was but to just accept it because its part of the fun. And while like any show it does suffer from the occasional spell of bad writing (the whole of season 5) but it was also shown to be very aware of that fact and never took itself too seriously - unlike some shows I could mention. 

And regarding the ‘cheese’ factor (what 90s show wasn’t) It definitely can be, but I would call it ‘camp’ and ‘experimental’ more than anything else. (Don’t diss the poor use of CGI - I’m personally sympathetic to what was avaliable to them at the time) The style of humour reminded me of Taika Waititi’s filmmaking. If you’ve watched any of his films such as ‘Hunt for The Wilderpeople’ or ‘Jojo Rabbit’, then you know what I’m talking about. I liked how little they cared about being accurate or logical, which added to the ‘bonkers’ element in the show - which you can see in all of Taika Waititi’s films.

In all seriousness, a show centered around two women in their late twenties, who are realistic sizes (not trying to play teenagers). One of whom is a reformed mass murderer, who has lived a life experience, trying to do good in the world for the first time, picking the other one up who has no life experience prior (after they bugged them until they said ‘ok fine’) in their path to redemption. Just two women who become friends travelling the world together, fighting crime, having a laff, learning from one another without any toxicity - when suddenly when the stakes are raised - they realise ‘oh I'm actually falling in love with this person’ I have watched a lot of badly written shows in my childhood enough to know that, that’s not ‘cheesy’. I’ve never seen a story like that in my entire life. I’m not at all surprised that Russel T Davis was inspired by it while writing the Doctor and Rose’s relationship in ‘Doctor Who’ since he’s gay himself.

What’s more amazing about their love story is how they’re both develop as separate people as well. There was this video essay explaining ‘Why you should watch Angel’ the spin off series to Buffy; how ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer ‘was all about growing up and ‘Angel’ was all about being an adult. With Xena: Warrior Princess, you have both of those stories at the same time. 

Xena’s character was such a multifaceted experience to watch. And I can’t imagine anyone else who could play her as well as Lucy Lawless. What planet did they get that actress from? She's flawless! The amount of skill she has to put herself into a very physical role is astonishing. I personally had a love/hate relationship with her character all series long. Not in the way that I hated her, just that I couldn’t trust if she was all good or bad, which I know was intentional on the writers part. I haven’t seen a character quite like her before. She felt very much like a fallen angel; almost like the villain of her own story. Some of my favourite episodes come from fleshing out her character and dark past (‘Locked up and Tied Down’ is one of them) which reminds the audience that's she's not the stereotypical hero everyone expects. I loved her transformation from being this incredibly stoic warrior to being content and happy with who she is in season six, all because of a woman she fell in love with along the way. 

I’ve always thought of Gabrielle as the real hero and narrator of ‘Xena’. She’s the prime example of ‘a normal person becoming extrodinary’. Gabrielle’s coming of age story starting out as an innocent girl from a poor village dreaming of adventure, and ending as this vicious warrior who realises the ‘adventure’ wasn’t how she made it out to be is honestly the best character arc that I’ve ever seen. I loved how travelling with Xena made her realise her passion for writing (which was never going to happen in her home town, given the ‘sexist’ and ‘heteronormative’ ideas) and that she became a amazon princess like Xena. In regards to her sexuality, which is more up for debate than Xena’s (which I think we can all agree is bisexual) I personally interpret her as gay, just in terms of how she was written. Theres this moment in season 4 where she's being held up her hair, and Xena “symbolically” cuts it off ‘freeing her’. And she never really gets with a man afterwards, unless she’s being ‘possessed. It reminded me of a moment in one of Hayao Miyasaki’s films ‘Laputa, Castle in the Sky’ where the bad guy Moska shoots Sheeta’s ‘princess hair off’ which symbolises her transition from child to adult.

The cinematography was breathtaking. There was some great utilisation of New Zealand as the scenery. So was the soundtrack. You could tell it was made by experienced filmmakers. One of my favourite things about the show was the domestic elements - moments in the show where time seemed to stop - which made the world around the characters seem very real and magical. Even though it was a show that featured a lot of action/adventure, there was also this gentleness to it as well. For example, you could feel the wetness of the rain, the warmth of the sun and the clashing of the waves. This technique is used in Hayao Miayasaki’s work a lot .

The technique is referred to as ‘MA’ 空虚 meaning emptiness in Japanese. ‘Miyasaki describes this as the time between a clap’

“If you just have non stop action, with no breathing space at all, its just busyness. But if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension” - Hayao Miyasaki

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The episode ‘A Day in the Life’ in season two is a really good example of this technique being used.

To my understanding, they used a lot of the local actors in New Zealand, which according to Lucy Lawless, consisted of ‘African immigrants and other different ethnicites’. It was so refreshing to see such a diverse show (despite some slip ups) especially in the 90s. I appreciated the idea that if the actors or extras couldn’t do an ‘american accent’ people could just talk in their natural speech which was also very refreshing. 

The LGBT representation was surprisingly amazing. I never expected so many queer characters in one show - especially under the censors. There was this one episode where they had a trans woman - played by an actual trans actress - win a beauty contest. It made me cry. Not to mention the actress was an aids activist. It was actually Lucy Lawless’ idea to kiss her which was incredibly controversial at that time considering how everyone thought you could catch aids just by kissing. I can definitey see how it validated people back in the 90s.

When people told me that Xena: Warrior Princess was one of the greatest love stories, I thought they were exaggerating a little. But no, watching the show in context, I found out that it really is. Despite its obvious restrictions, It made me realise (regarding token gay couples today) how often television writers rely on physicality and drama to convey a ‘love story’ and how much of it is actually pandering the audience. One of the reasons why Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship felt so genuine is because it was built on mutual respect/compassion and they were also best friends. I felt like I was witnessing something very real and private. It didn’t need kissing scenes or drama to make it interesting. 

It really helped that most of the writers were queer also. There’s this opening scene in season 4, panning over to Gabrielle giving Xena a massage (metaphor for sex - because they weren’t able to show that on screen) which I consider to be one of the most iconic scenes in media - considering how I wanted to sick up my supper when I watched the 10 minute ‘empty’ explicit sex scene in ‘Blue in the Warmest Colour’. The difference when something is written by a queer women vs a straight man.

Because the creators weren’t allowed to write their love story in the normal way, due to the studio forbidding them to, they found creative ways to showcase that love on screen - which made for a very magical/sensual experience. And I can safely say, if anyone has doubts about watching ‘Xena’, whenever I expected to be queer baited at a few points in the show, I was proved wrong time and time again. It’s the most romantical show I’ve ever seen in my life!

[these-are-the-first-steps]

Hey, come read my shit:

STAR WARS (it’s all reylo)

PREY - “Kylo Ren, recovering, retrained, and bolstered by the Dark Side thanks to Snoke, is still obsessed with his failures and the scavenger that got away. Carving a furious path through the First Order fleet and throwing everything to hell, he hones in almost desperately on her location as she runs from his whispers until there is nothing left but them.” Featuring such stellar tags as “she’s running but he’s coming for her and lets her know it”

Exigence in Force Majuere - “This war has raged for ages and most of the leaders at its helm are long gone. It's left to Kylo Ren, and Rey, his constant opposing force, whose minds have seeped so far into each other as to make planning in secret impossible, to come to some accord or else watch the galaxy burn in their futile efforts at mutual destruction.”*

*This is/was a non-linear story added to via submitted prompts on tumblr and written to a loose storyline already in my head.

Neon Lights - [ONESHOT] Kylo Ren is the highest paid movie star in the world. He's also the number one drug user, number one patron of any whore pretty enough to catch his attention. But her voice never leaves his head. It won't leave him alone. And all he can do is replay their parting over and over and over again.... [[This story has TWO ENDINGS- happy and sad! Because I couldn't make up my mind and the angst was so good. But y'all-- the sad ending is SAD. Read the TAGS. And a reminder that drama is drama and not real life.]]

Solace for the Damned - “Christmas Eve, and a lone priest of a tiny, isolated parish works feverishly in the snow until an old friend drops by. She misses him- what will it take to lure him away? When will he stop hiding behind the cloth?”*

*a story I was real excited for just as a lot of personal drama started for me which botched everything. Sorry ‘bout that.

How Silent Are Your Saints? - [ONESHOT] “Rey's run off, and Kylo's in hot pursuit. When he finally finds her, she's stark naked planted in a tiny metal tub trying to scrub herself clean of the grit of the planet she hates so much. So why did she come back?? Why won't she just come home with him??

Very angry, rough smutty times. Rey is angry, Kylo's angry, and she makes it worse every time that pretty mouth says the 'B' name he hates so much...

This story was inspired by a piece of art done by Hotside on tumblr depicting Rey essentially sponge-bathing in a small, shallow tin back on Jakku with the shadow of Kylo Ren looming out of frame. Link inside!!”

There’s Only So Many Things You Can Steal From A Courtesan - [ONESHOT] ...and bitchin’ moves to catch the ladies ain’t one of them. Long overdue Matt trash, but it’s darker and not your typical fare- for cheesytriangle/picarito on tumblr.

A Lady Should Never Promenade A Ballroom Alone - [ONESHOT] “Rey is undercover at a ball. So is Kylo Ren. Who thought putting Rey in that dress was a good idea? Borderline drama, fluff, crack without actually totally falling into any of those categories, with a generous helping of SMUT. NOT an AU. Written for a "oh hey, what are you doing here?" prompt request.” *

*hilariously this is the most popular oneshot I’ve ever written.

Too Late - [ONESHOT] “He has to watch as she leaves, watch as she goes into the arms of someone else. But it began before he ever arrived. He's simply too late.” —hi. This is not a happy story. But it’s short.

Can’t Keep Them Down - “I made a post last week saying I'd only reply to ants with explicit porn or cute fluffy animals. While I think the fandom may have taken more advantage of that than actual ants, it's still been a lot of fun. This is a collection of the short drabbles I wrote up- chapters will be added as they happen on tumblr (and maybe I’ll occasionally post something here that I don’t post there so subscribing might be a good idea- who knows!). There is no sequence unless specified. Every single chapter is rather explicit porn. ENJOY, SINNERS.”

Let It In - [ONESHOT] Kylo's control over himself is wearing thin- not like it was gridiron to begin with. He lapses more and more into daydreams, fantasies, of her. Of them. He sees her everywhere. He hates himself for it. But the more they consume him, the more he can't help but indulge, and as he abandons his duties once more to sequester himself in an effort to not rip The Finalizer into two, he finds, to his anguish, that maybe his traitorous thoughts aren't just his alone... [[Art inspired, ILLUSTRATED fic attached to a work produced by Arriku/Spacefugue/solarfugue/cherryfury on tumblr]]”*

*I lose points for this fic because I was told later that they were sitting down in the art so I got it wrong. Sorry, arriku- I still feel bad. :/

The Choice - [ONESHOT] “At the end of the world, he made his offer. The planet cracked like an egg beneath their feet, ready to give birth to a brand new star, and still he couldn't bring himself to say it- couldn't bring himself to say he needed her. Instead it came out as "You need a teacher!!" Anything- *anything*- to keep her close to him. But would she understand? Choices, choices...”

Control - “They pound at her head, the Darkness, her demons, she lashes out, but no one can understand. They can't see what she sees, feel what she feels, they're closing in, and she can't escape, but when she finally flees to the outside..... [[This is a *former* one-shot based on a song that I swear will be Rey's theme for episode 8. PREPARE FOR THE ANGST INSANITY TRAIN!!]]”*

*officially unfinished. Ah well. Dunno if anyone really missws it anyway....

All Good Things - [ONESHOT] “Trapped in a cave after a First Order attack causes a massive collapse, Rey is left with a mangled leg with no rescue for days. Just as she starts to fret that no one will ever come, a familiar voice brushes against her mind and offers her aid. But at what price? As her injuries worsen, she may not have much of a choice.” —hi. This is the most lighthearted reylo fic I’ve probably ever written.

——————

FARSCAPE

Everything - [ONESHOT] “Moments after the skreeth attack in 'Terra Firma', in the dizzying whirl of sirens and emergency workers and special agents rushing into the ruin of his father's home, John is brought bad news from D'Argo and Chiana and, faced with the reality that his best friend since childhood is dead, finally must tell his family everything.”

——————

XENA

Mandatory Refusal - [ONESHOT] “Countless times he'd watched her calmly walk into the arms of Death. And countless times he'd watched her thwart it all the same. She always came back- she always found a way. Even when she chose to take her own life, he'd respected her, respected her decision enough, to let her go through with it. But not this time- not after everything they'd been through since then. She wasn't getting a choice this time.

Takes place during Xena's final battle in AFIN:2. Ares wasn't so conspicuously absent as he seemed...”

You Can’t Run Away - [ONESHOT] “What happened after Xena left Hercules in "Unchained Heart"? What led her to bury her armor in the dirt? As soon as she turned for good, Ares hounded both Xena and Hercules by raising Darphus from the dead and filling the killer's mind with no thought other than to feed them both to Graegus- no one gets to simply walk away. Set in the space between UH and Sins of the Past.”

——————

METALOCALYPSE

....yea I wrote a metalocalypse fic, you wanna fight about it? comedy is hard and it was a fun challenge, especially that flavor of comedy.

Succession - [ONESHOT] “Story takes place at the tail end of 'The Doomstar Requiem'. Charles takes his place as the High Holy Priest of the Church of the Black Klok and the band is left without a manager. In an attempt to find a new one, they hold 'manager auditions', but old grudges interfere and one of the band members takes a turn for the worse. cannon ONE SHOT!”

[swanqueeneverafter]

Sins of the Past Pt.27

Storybrooke. The Dragon’s Lair. (After finally managing to get everyone out of the bar, Zelena stays late to clean up.) Zelena: (Hearing a noise outside, calls out:) “We’re closed!” (Walking to the door she peers through the blinds but sees no one. Checking the door is locked, Zelena walks back to the bar when she hears a door close down the hallway. Reaching behind the bar she retrieves a baseball bat and goes to investigate. Heading down the steps that lead to the stock room, Zelena sees that the door is ajar. Pushing it open, she grips the bat with both hands and enters the room.) Robin Hood: “Zelena!” (Dropping the bat, Zelena rushes over to Robin, who is tied to a chair.) Zelena: “Robin. Oh, my God. What happened?” (The door slams shut and Mordred appears behind them.) Mordred: “I happened.”

Zelena: “Ah, so you’re the one everyone’s been searching for. What a disappointment. (Mordred draws a knife:) Stop. (Puts her hands up:) Robin’s got nothing to do with this, okay? You’ve got me now. Okay? Just let him go.” Mordred: “You know, I think people like you give magic a bad name. People like you are the reason Uther banished magic from Camelot, why my father was killed and my people forced to live in caves.” Zelena: “I never even crossed paths with Uther. I didn’t force him to make those choices. And neither did my sister or Emma or anyone else you want to blame for your pitiful existence. You can’t go around killing people because of my bad mistakes.” Mordred: “Yeah, you’re right. It’s time for me to just kill you.” (Mordred lunges at Zelena with the knife, slicing her palm. Trying to put distance between them, Zelena topples over some barrels, causing Mordred to drop the knife. Punching and kicking the man, Zelena gains the upper hand until Mordred sweeps her legs. In an effort to free himself, Robin tips over his chair. Momentarily distracted by this, Mordred allows Zelena to gain possession of the knife and she charges him.) Zelena: (Pinning him against the wall, knife at his throat:) “I don’t want to hurt you.” Mordred: (Chuckles:) “Yes, you do. Do it. What’s one more kill to the Wicked Witch?” Zelena: “No. I’m not that person anymore. I’ve changed. (Knocks him out with the hilt of the knife:) More or less. (Returns to Robin’s side:) Are you hurt?” Robin: “I’m fine, just a little embarrassed, I’ll admit.” Zelena: (Smiles:) “Let me untie you, and I’ll allow you to prove your manliness to me, all right?” Robin: “Agreed.” (While Zelena leans over to untie him, Robin glances over to see that Mordred has now vanished and taken the bloody knife with him.) Sheriff’s Station. (David and Snow White are shoved into two holding cells. Snow collapses onto the bed, barely able to remain upright while David pleads his case to Hook.) David: "This is just one big misunderstanding.” Hook: “No I understand perfectly, mate. Your wife gets drunk, causes an uproar and attacks my wife. My daughter then has to step in, while still recovering from her ordeal I might add, and calls me to help clean up the mess. Is there anything else you’d like to add?” David: “I suppose another apology won’t make a difference?” Hook: “Oh it’ll make all the difference in the world. But not from you. (Points:) She has to apologise to Mal and Lily here tomorrow morning when she’ll actually have to mean what she says. Until then you can both sleep it off and sober up. Have a good evening.” David: (Hook turns off the lights and leaves:) “Hook! Hook! (Turning at the sound of loud snoring, David sees that his wife has already fallen asleep:) Great.”

Storybrooke. Swan-Mills House. The Next Morning. (With the sunlight pouring through the curtains, Emma rolls over and purrs in Regina’s ear.) Emma: “Morning sunshine.” Regina: (Her voice slightly hoarse:) “Is it morning already?” Emma: (Kisses her shoulder and then her neck:) “Mmhmm.” Regina: (Opens her eyes and squints at the sun:) “Ugh. Anything you can do about that?” Emma: (Chuckles:) “One too many last night?” Regina: “I guess so. Though not as many as your mother, I’ll wager.” Emma: “Hm. Speaking of, I just got a text from Lily, I’d better go in and bail my parents out of jail.” Regina: “Put on some coffee before you go? I promised I’d take Ella to my office to check some records.” Emma: (Kisses her cheek:) “You got it.” (Emma gets out of bed while Regina plants her face in the pillow, trying to avoid the sunlight.) Camelot. Forest. (Morgause meets her undead knights in the woods. They dismount their horses and bow before her.) Camelot Castle. Council Chamber. (Guinevere and Morgana listen to Lancelot while he recounts what happened at Idirsholas.) Guinevere: “So it’s true, the Knights of Medhir have risen?” Xena: (Cutting in:) “Yes and there’s only one person foolish or desperate enough to raise such an army.” Gabrielle: “Morgause.” Morgana: (Panicked, to Guinevere:) “Guin, I had no knowledge of this, I swear.” Guinevere: “Are you certain that Morgause is behind this?” Xena: (Scoffs:) “Now is not the time to wait for proof.” Gabrielle: “Your Majesty, need we remind you the last time we waited for evidence of Morgause’s guilt?” Xena: (Draws her sword and points it at Morgana:) “Or hers for that matter.” Guinevere: (Stepping between Xena and Morgana:) “Enough! I trust Morgana and I will not have her threatened like this.” Xena: (Lowers her sword:) “She may have you fooled but right now there’s an army of the undead riding towards Camelot and we have no way of stopping them.” Guinevere: (Nods. To Lancelot:) “Gather reinforcements, position every available man we have at the gates. If we can’t stop them we can at least slow them down.” Lancelot: “It will be done, my Queen.” (Lancelot leaves with his knights while Xena continues to glare at Morgana.)

Wonderland. (Will and Anastasia walk through the woods.) Will: “Remind me again why you can’t just poof us to Storybrooke?” Anastasia: “A lot’s happened since you’ve been away. There was a coup in Camelot, refugees, captured dragons, it’s been a whole drama. Long story short, Storybrooke’s borders are magically protected, so I can’t get us there using my magic.” The White Rabbit’s House. (Will knocks firmly on the door.) White Rabbit: (Calling out from inside:) “Nobody’s home!” Will: “Now, Rabbit, don’t be that way.” White Rabbit: “No rabbit here! Just a happy family enjoying some quality time together. Alone!” Will: “This won’t take more than a minute.” White Rabbit: “Time is a precious commodity, Knave. One minute is sixty seconds which is sixty thousand milliseconds. Do you know how much I can accomplish in sixty thousand milliseconds?” Will: “You wouldn’t be enjoying any milliseconds if I hadn’t found your bloody family. Now, open the door.” White Rabbit: (Reluctantly opens the door:) “What is it you want?” Will: “It’s not about what I want. (Steps aside, revealing Anastasia:) It’s about what she wants.” White Rabbit: (Shocked:) “Wha-” (The White Rabbit runs away from the door, taking refuge behind the kitchen stove. Will and Anastasia enter the house.) Anastasia: “Please, Rabbit, don’t be afraid. I’m not gonna hurt you.” White Rabbit: “You’ve already taken my wife, my children, my honor. What more could you possibly want from me?” Anastasia: “Your forgiveness.” Will: “It’s true, Rabbit, it’s been kind of her thing lately.” Anastasia: (Continues:) “What I took from you when I was the Red Queen, I can never give back, and there’s nothing that I can offer you to make up for what you’ve already lost, but what I can say is, I’m sorry, Rabbit. Terribly sorry.” White Rabbit: (Shakes his head, steps out from behind the stove:) “What’s done is done. Why do you care if I forgive you?” Anastasia: “Because we need your help.” White Rabbit: “With what?” Anastasia: “I need you to take us to Storybrooke, we don’t have much time but we need to make a stop on the way.” Storybrooke. Sheriff’s Department. (Snow White stands holding the bars to her cell while apologising to Lily, who seems uninterested.) Snow White: “I’m truly sorry, Lily. I don’t know what came over me.” Lily: “About six shots and a bacardi chaser, according to Zelena.” Snow White: “I never would have said any of those things if-” Lily: “If you weren’t drunk? Well that’s honest at least.” Snow White: “Please, Lily. We’ve been in here all night, we told Neal we’d only be a couple of hours.” Lily: (Holds up her coffee cup:) “I just saw Neal. He’s having a great time serving people napkins at Granny’s.”

Elsa: (Sitting perched on one of the desks:) “Oh yes he was so sweet, Snow. You should’ve seen him running around the diner laughing and talking to everyone. It was so-” Emma: (Enters:) “Charming?” David: “Emma, thank God. Please can you get us out of here?” Emma: “No can do, Dad. (Holds up a note:) It says here your release is dependent on you apologising to Maleficent.” David: “But it’s Thanksgiving!” Emma: “Right, which is why you should be thankful she’s not pressing charges against you two. Now I don’t want to be here any more than you do, I’m just here to keep the peace.” Snow White: “But eventually Neal’s going to worry where we are.” Emma: “Hey, you’re not the only one unable to pick up their kid. Since you’re both in here and because Regina’s helping Ella with something at her office, I had to ask Belle to pick up Maria from the convent for us.” Convent of the Sisters of Saint Meissa. (Arriving at the convent, Belle enters the babies’ nursery room, carrying a formula bottle for Maria.) Belle: “Why, hello, little one. Hey. Did you sleep well? Yeah?” Mother Superior: (Enters:) “Belle. What are you doing here?” Belle: (Holds up the bottle:) “Uh, formula for the baby?” Mother Superior: (Laughs:) “Of course. Here. I’ll help.” (She goes to pick up Maria but sensing something’s not quite right, Belle stops her.) Belle: “Uh, no it’s all right, I’ve got her.” Mother Superior: “Oh.” Belle: (Suspicious:) “Uh, Mother Superior, what… what’s going on?” Mother Superior: “Nothing. Everything’s fine.” Belle: “Mm…”

Mother Superior: (Enters, holding her wand:) “No, it’s not.” Belle: “What…” Mother Superior: (Stands in front of the imposter:) “Who are you?” Imposter: (Chuckles:) “You really are a clever fairy.” (Mordred morphs back into his normal appearance.) Belle: (Gasps:) “No, no, no. People are searching for you. Ho-How did you…” Mordred: “All you need to know is that I’ve come for the baby. So, if you wish to remain alive, step aside.” (Mordred picks up Maria who is now crying.) Belle: “Put her… put her down.” Mordred: “Or what? Hmm? You’ll smite me with your book learnin’?” Mother Superior: (Pointing her wand at Mordred:) “Oh, I have something more than that.” Mordred: “Please. Neither of you would dare risk hurting this child.” Belle: (Breathing heavily:) “No, you… you don’t want to take that baby.” Mordred: “Oh yes I do, and I don’t mind hurting you to get what I want.” Belle: “Okay. We’ll see.” (Belle reaches to try and grab Maria back, but Mordred’s eyes glow golden and he blasts Belle and Mother Superior backwards.) Mayor’s Office. (Regina enters her office and finds Ella looking through some of the files she requested.) Regina: “Well, Mr. K says that’s all the records he has available. Have you found what you needed yet?” Ella: “Almost.” Regina: (Glancing at her watch, anxious to get the turkey in the oven:) “Perhaps if you told me what you were looking for?” Ella: “I’m trying to reconcile in my head how someone so sweet and loving could do such terrible things to so many people.” Regina: “What?” Ella: “I could even forgive all of that and put it all down to you being in a dark place. But to stand there and lie to me, to send me on some wild goose chase when you’ve known the truth the whole time.” Regina: “Ella, I’m sorry but I don’t-” Ella: “Or maybe because you’ve killed so many, you just don’t remember her?” Regina: “Ella, what is this?” Ella: “I know it was you who killed my mother, Regina. (Pulling a carving knife from her back pocket, she slams it down on the desk in front of her:) And now I want to know why.”

Sheriff’s Department. (Now joined by Hook, Emma and Lily continue preparations to close down the office for the long holiday weekend.) David: “How much longer are you going to keep us here for? We have to go home, shower and change before coming to your place for dinner.” Hook: (Cutting in:) “Maleficent is a night person, mate. Always has been. She’ll make an appearance shortly, don’t worry.” Snow White: “Oh I’m not worried, I’m furious.” Hook: “Temper, temper. Perhaps it’s in the public’s interest to keep you behind bars after all.” Emma: (Rolling her eyes:) “Keep it together, Mom. I’m giving Maleficent another twenty minutes and then we’re all getting out of here.” (Zelena enters, accompanied by Robin.) Lily: “Zelena, Robin, what’s the matter?” Robin: “My Mom was attacked by that knight you’re all looking for.” Emma: “Mordred? When did this happen?” Zelena: “Last night after Regina’s show. I was closing up and-” Robin: “Mordred tied up Robin Hood in the basement and slashed my Mom’s hand with a knife. Show them.” (Robin grabs Zelena’s hands raises it.) Hook: “Why haven’t you used your magic to heal it?” Zelena: “I’ve tried that, genius. There must’ve been a magical substance on the blade or something to stop the wound from closing.” Emma: “Why would Mordred come after you?” Zelena: (Shrugs:) “Family is always an easy target. (Inclines her head towards the cells:) And I see those two idiots are already locked up. Maybe he figured by going after me he could get to you?” Emma: “If it’s me he wants, why not come directly at me?” Lily: “What took you so long to report this?” Zelena: “Oh I had to spend the night soothing Robin Hood’s ego. Besides, I walloped Mordred pretty thoroughly, I doubt he’ll be coming after me again.” Rumplestiltskin: (Enters:) “No, he found an easier target.” Emma: (Sees him enter with Belle, carrying baby Gideon:) “Rumple, Belle, what- (Stops short:) That’s not Maria.” Belle: (Shakes her head, clutching Gideon tightly:) “No, I’m so sorry, Emma.” Emma: (Looking back and forth between Rumplestiltskin and Belle:) “Where’s Maria?!” Rumplestiltskin: “There’s no easy way to say this, but Mordred has your daughter, Emma. We believe he’s taken Maria to Camelot.”

[sarahsmiles1991]

Xena Sharptooth - Critical Role Fanfiction

Summary: Though she was banished by the clan, Lady Kima asks her to join on her quest to Kraghammer to go into the depth below to stop a great evil within.  Reluctant to go but agrees, Xena Sharptooth joins her; what dangers awaits her down there and who the hell are these clowns?!

Character Info Sheet

Name: Xena Sharptooth 30 ft Walking AC: 19

Class: Paladin lv. 9 Oath of Vengeance God: Bahamut

Race: Half-Orc Background: Urchin HP: 94

Armour: Mithril Breastplate Weapons: Animated Shield

Brooch of Shielding Flame Tongue Short-sword

Holy Symbol of Bahamut Platinum

Dragon attached by leather string and

hangs from her neck under her armour

Abilities

Strength: 20 (5+)

Dexterity: 16 (6+)

Constitution: 18 (4+)

Intelligence: 15 (2+)

Wisdom: 15 (2+)

Charisma: 16 (3+)

Saving Throws

Strength +8

Dexterity +6

Constitution +7

Intelligence +5

Wisdom (P) +9

Charisma (P) +10

Introduction/Background

Xena Sharptooth has lived as an urchin most of her life and being abandoned by her own mother she took to the street and stole food from the markets and earn gold by singing. However her luck rang out when the fruit seller caught and prepared to chop her hands off as punishment, but then an old Paladin by the name of Sir Alistair Brightworth, servant to Bahamut stopped this a says that he will take this half orc and make something out of her. With little to no choice but to go with the old paladin he takes her to the monastery and begins her training. As she grew she became a strong and skilful with a shield and sword and was given the test to become one of the generals.

Unfortunately, being a half orc the some of paladins and clerics were terrified, disgust and jealousy that such a creature would become one of the leaders. Before she could even start the test the head of the monastery struck a trial of scandal and murder on her; to her horror and sadness no one, not even her brothers and sisters in training took a stand with her and she was banished from the one place she thought was her true home. Now older and bitter Xena took to the mountains, killing bandits and evil creatures to take her mind off her anger and ignore the voice of a being who asks for forgiveness and redemption.

In town for a drink and supplies Xena comes across an old companion of hers, Lady Kima who she trained with. She pleads to Xena to come with her to Kraghammer to find a great evil that could be hidden within it’s depths; with great hesitation and a migraine from the voice in her head she agrees and goes with her to find this darkness and hopes that not only she makes it out alive but to have the voice stop talking to her.

Prologue

Xena Sharptooth was having a good day!

Not only did she get rid of the rest of the bandits that have been terrorizing a village but also found a bag of holding! How the bloody hell the leader came by such a thing is beyond her but she didn’t question it cause she can only imagine the vibrating purrs in her head would do.

Oh yes, ever since her banishment from the Paladins of Bahamut the Platinum Dragon, the stupid lizard has not let her forget that they have not forsaken her. No matter how much she tries to ignore them they seem to insist on sticking around, it didn’t really help that she was helping villages and other unpopular areas with their troubles for only a few things like food and sleep. Hell in a few minutes she is about to head out to farmers home and help them harvest their goods in exchange for a sack of vegetables, can’t exactly tell a god to fuck off when you are doing good deeds left and right.

Oddly though, as they tore her holy symbol from her armor they allowed her to keep it along with her weapons.

“The Platinum Dragon gave you those tools, though you have used them for your own gain than for others they are still yours.” one of the head ass-holes had explained as they dragged her out.

Scoffing at the whole situation, she puts the last of the goods in her new bag of holding, she puts the strap over her shoulder and makes her way to the village.

The breastplate, though showed it has seen many battles with scuff marks and a few dents here and there one could tell it was kept after Xena thanked the heavens that it was made out of mithril one of the sturdier metals in the world.

Xena hums, as she walks through the animal, made trail, feeling pretty good besides the few scars added to her body; particularly the one at her cheekbone almost making her lose her eye were it not for turning her head the last second.

There’s a spark inside us

that we can all ignite

and all that’s dark inside us

will flicker into light

Like any warrior who has been in battle; scars and wounds were merely accessories and reminders that they have survived her learned in a library that Orcs regard battle scars as tokens of pride and ornamental scars as things of beauty. Her light green colored skin showed all her scars with no help and also being like a beacon if any sort of light took a shine to her and as if she wasn’t so horrific to humans, the orcs gave pause at her green flesh while they had their grey pigmentation before charging at her to attack.

Of all the healers and friendly scholars she would come across none of them could explain what was going on with her skin, she can only assume it had something to do with her parents or a mutation.

There’s a power in every breath

there’s a power in every note

a power that starts within the heart

a power that rises through the throat

Her tusks though not prominent still like to remind people of her background when she grinned in amusement or gave a sneer at a threat. She was of course teased for her features and there had been times where she wanted nothing more than to file her tusks, they did help her in a pinch when she had to bite an offender who thought covering her mouth was a good idea, she still chuckles at that memory. Her wild black hair still a mess after one of the bandits cut the string holding it up, got a stab in the foot for that, cascaded down her shoulders and to the middle of her back. Normally she would either has it in a ponytail or a plait to keep it out of her face, never once considering getting it cut.

And when it sails up through the air

more beautiful than any prayer

this power can right all wrong

and it will always thrill the ear

of those who have the power to hear

the magic of a song

Now it was her eyes that gave her confounded her; wolf eyes some called them with the yellow glare piercing one's soul if you got close enough to her. No other orc or even half-orcs had the eyes she had, maybe it was the gods' idea of a joke since her skin already make her freak why not throw in wolf eyes, she could feel the lizard admonish her, it gave the locals the idea to nickname her Einn ulfur, Lone Wolf.

There’s a strength inside us

that tells us wrong from right

becomes a song inside us

to chase away the night

By the end of her singing, she made it to the village, it was still midday so there not a lot of people about what harvest time being near and going about their own life. Xena frequent the village a lot so no one really balked at the half-orc heading straight for their elders with a slight smirk on her face. The elders consisted of three female halflings; Shaena Underbough, Portia Tosscobble, and last and certainly not the least Lavina Goodbarrel. Lavina is the eldest of the three and was the first to welcome Xena into the village with open arms, even offering her a place to stay in her home after her banishment from Paladins.

“Ah! And there she is!” Elder Lavina crowed. “Merle! You owe me a pint!”

Merle, husband to Lavina chuckles. “Aye I never should wager against Ulfer, especially against you love.”

“The bandits are no more.” Xena reports, placing the bag of holding to the ground and pulling out all the goods and other useful things for the elders and village to use. “They will not be bothering you a moment longer and I have found some trinkets and the like for you all.”

Lavina raises an eyebrow at the goods. “For bandits going after a small village as ours makes one wonder why they even bother with all this shit.”

“Them swords will be of help for certain.” Shaena says, watching the pile of weapons grow. “Heaven knows our people need them when you go off into the world again, I must say again how much we appreciate your help luv.”

“Mmm.” Portia mumbles, placing her pipe next to her knitting project before getting up and going to inspect the goods. “Plus Jeorge will getting more than enough supplies for the winter with these, did you find your own trinkets to take?”

Xena presents the bag of holding to them with a smirk. “The leader somehow got his hands on this, it is enough for me to-”

“The pretty bag is not enough of a reward for what you have done Ulfer!” Portia interrupts, frowning up at her. “Shaena may just let you do that but I and many others will draw the line if we must! I am sure there is enough gold for you to take.”

With that along with a sound of offense from the other lady, Shaena picks up a rather large sack of what is clearly gold and places it in a bemused Xena’s hand. Shaena though the youngest is the much stricter of the three and much more wary of strangers; when Xena first arrived in the village after months on her own after banishment Shaena was very hesitant to lend a hand to the creature that limped it’s way to their little village with nothing but armor and weapons on her person asking for a simple cup of milk in exchange to help any way she can. Lavina swooped onto Xena before the other two could say anything and the next thing they knew they had a mean green fighting being who protected the village and provided help to others.

“Jeorge will be heading for the city early in the morning, best get cleaned and well-rested for the trip.” Lavina informs Xena, picking up what looks like a bottle of fancy wine.

Xena smiles at the ladies, giving them a nod before heading for Lavina’s townhouse to do just that. Many of the halflings who live in the village greet her as she passes by, along with thanks as she left.

The next morning as she ate the last of her second breakfast Xena Sharptooth was ready for the road along with Jeorge. It took nearly a day to reach the city and Xena slips a gold to Jeorge in thanks as she leaves to the nearest tavern for a late dinner and sees if there were any jobs for her to do.

The Hanging Man was a dwarf-owned tavern so the place looks more made of stone than wood but with how many brawls and fights started one was pretty smart to not have many things made of wood. A large fire pit where many types of meat were being cooked in the middle of the tavern sizzled through the air and made Xena’s mouth water as she could taste that goat leg she had been eyeing as she entered.

One of her favorite meats in the world before her and the bag of holding? Maybe the old lizard was onto something.

“Hello!” a bright-eyed elf wench greets from over the booth with a smile. “Welcome to the Hanging Man! My name is Amelia how may I help you?”

“Leg of goat and a pint of ale.” Xena orders, taking a seat.

“You mean lamb?” she asks with a raised eyebrow.

Xena gave it back. “No I mean that goat leg you have in the fire pit.”

Amelia looks over to the fire pit before shaking her head. “I am sorry but that is for a customer-”

“Actually it is for her.” a soft familiar voice beside from beside her. “Please get it for.”

Xena’s whole body freezes at the voice. Are you fucking kidding you lizard!

A light purr was her reply.

“Three years away and I still know one of your weaknesses, Xena. Never understood your taste in goat than a lamb but to each their own.”

From the corner of her eye she watched as the halfling woman climbs onto the stool beside her, her dirty blond hair tightly braided, complexion darker than the usual halfling with a big scar across the side of her face along with other, smaller scars and of course wearing armor representing gold, silver, and blue of Bahamut.

“Oh like your weakness isn’t teriyaki chicken wings?” Xena mutters, tapping the booth waiting for her drink.

“Oooh don’t remind me, I haven’t had those in months!” the Halfling woman laughs.

Thankfully Xena didn’t have to wait long as her pint arrived along with the goat leg... though it looks magnificent and just asking to be devoured.

“What brings you here Lady Kima?” she asks, sipping her ale. “Don’t you and those dumb-asses have to keep Emon protected since you failed that last time around, also well done on that.”

“What? Can I not wonder about my vacation?” Lady Kima asks with a small smirk completely ignoring Xena’s comment.

“Not when you have Lady Allura waiting for you at home.” Xena was quick to reply.

Lady Kima’s dark complexion became darker as she clears her throat looking around nervously. “She is busy with her own things and I am not here to talk about such things. I am here for you though.”

“Oh? What happened? Is there something else they wanted to accuse me of?” She asks rolling her eyes. “Did I throw Timmy down the well?”

“No Xena this doesn’t have anything to do with the order and more of a personnel matter.” Lady Kima sighs. “I was given a vision... a dark one.”

Xena turns her head to Lady Kima, showing that she was paying attention. It wasn’t really all surprising that paladins got visions or messages from Bahamut it was just rare when they do give it so when one says they got a vision, you listen.

“I saw darkness taking root beneath Kraghammer, the dwarven city northeast of Emon in the Cliffkeep Mountains. I have been hiring a couple of mercenaries to accompany me into the mines and into the Underdark, and I want you to join me.” Just as she finished the sentence Xena choked back her drink.

Coughing a bit, wiping her mouth with her arm Xena looks over at Lady Kima in shock. “Okay first off you owe another ale, second of all wherein all your vision did it say ‘It’s dangerous to go alone, bring the half-orc that your order banished years ago!’ like seriously Kima.”

“Xena, the Order has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with my visions and they certainly have nothing to say about who I bring with me. Besides, in my vision; within the darkness, I saw a figure of a wolf within it, guiding me through the caves of the deep.”

There was a silence between the two.

“And the last murmurs I have heard here and in neighboring villages, that there is a half-orc wondering the area, helping the less fortunate, caring for those in need with the strength of ten men and eyes like a wolf, they call her Einn Ulfer... Lone Wolf, Now I wonder would such a person does not help her old mentor in her quest to suppress the darkness from taking hold in this world?” Lady Kima asks, gently placing it beside Xena’s hand.

Xena looks down at the object, taking a deep breath as she stares at her the most precious thing that was taken away from her, her holy symbol. The lizard her head purrs comfortingly, encouraging her to do what is right and help her Lady Kima.

Reaching over she picks up the symbol, grasping tightly to it as she feels the vibrating purrs in her head transfer slowly from her head down her body and into the item in her hand.

Xena sighs. “So, Kraghammer huh?”

Lady Kima smiles.