#((I ONLY CAME TO THE BOOKSTORE TO SEE WHAT NEW STUFF THEY HAD | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jaeminmp4 · 8 months

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what if we read manga together, then what? (m.lee)

synopsis - you have a love for reading mangas, and you made it your goal to visit your town’s local bookstore to relax after a grueling finals week and to check out the new bungo stray dogs manga that was just put on sale. however, you didn’t think that having a tower display of mangas falling onto you would lead you into having a friendship with the nerdiest (and cutest) boy ever. member - mark lee x fem!reader word count - 3.1k warnings - just some cursing, SOME my hero academia slander but it's not bad i promise!!! genre - college au, fluff, humor, strangers to friends to lovers authors note - wow casually dropping my first written scenario here hehe and it's for your favorite canadian boy, mark lee!! idk i was watching and consuming mark lee content like my life depended on it and it lead to this,, uh monstrosity of a fic, it isn't my best work, but i wanted to put out something before i start procrastinating, hope you somewhat enjoy it at least :D

You definitely weren’t the clumsiest person on the planet, and you knew this for a fact after witnessing your friend Minjeong trip over her own feet and spill the contents of her lunch tray all over the floor. Then when she attempted to get up from the ground, her foot had stepped right onto the apple sauce left on the ground, then she tumbled over again, this time almost hitting her perfect face right onto the tiled floors of the cafeteria. At the time you were too busy laughing at her demise to be of any help. You guessed karma came back to bite you in the ass. Stupid karma.

You had just finished your last exam of the semester and all you wanted to do was rot in your dorm room and sleep until the RA’s kicked you out to go home for break. You, however, didn’t do any rotting or any sleeping. For weeks you had been eyeing up the small bookstore near campus because you knew for a fact that they had just put up a sale for the new volumes of Bungo Stray Dogs and you couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see your beloved Chuuya Nakahara. You’d do anything for that red-headed son of a bitch. Which means sacrificing the rest you so desperately needed. You could sleep anytime you wanted now that it was break, but that sale was going to go soon (and you were a broke college student so you couldn’t let this opportunity go to waste), so you needed to get into that bookstore ASAP. You knew that they were closing at 6 pm. But by the time you got back to your dorm room to change it was 4:30 pm and it was a good twenty-minute walk.

You came barreling through the door of your dorm room scaring the life out of your roommate in the process. You were throwing stuff around the room looking for more comfortable clothes to change into, and to find that stupid discount coupon your literary professor gave your entire class months ago to buy books that would “enrich your mind”. You had scoffed when he turned around after giving you the coupon, stuffing that damned paper into a random pocket of your bag. Now that you needed that coupon it was nowhere to be found. Now, you could go without the coupon but you only had like 25 bucks to your name, and you needed to take what you could get. You were about to give up on your search because you were running out of precious time, that is until your roommate, Yoo Jimin, or Karina as she liked to be called, waltzed up to you with a very familiar paper in between her pointer and middle finger. Your eyes lit up, your hands moving to grab the coupon from her. But Karina snatched it back so fast before you even had the chance to blink. “Hey! Do you even need that coupon? Last I checked the last book you read was your physics textbook but you turned to the first page before nearly bursting out into tears.”, you whined. Karina gives you a dirty look as a warning to shut the hell up, which you do knowing she’s the only one with a coupon.

“I’ll give you the coupon if you get me a volume of Jujutsu Kaisen.”, she bargained. You give her an incredulous stare, “That’s all you wanted? Okay, that’s fine Rina, but please give me the coupon they’re gonna close in like an hour and won’t be open till Monday, and I need to read something other than a lab report or I’m going to go insane.”, you stressed. Satisfied with your answer and her plan to make you do something for her, she hands you the coupon and blows you a teasing kiss before walking over to her side of the room and plopping onto her bed. Rolling your eyes you scramble to gather the rest of your belongings before running out of your dorm room, the door slamming, giving your conniving roommate her second scare of the day.

That’s what brings us to present time and your current predicament. You had to run like three blocks to get to the tiny bookstore in your university’s town. It was nestled in between a cafe (which is quite convenient) and an arcade. You stood in front of the building wheezing your lungs out, you attempted to catch your breath so you looked less like a crazed person who was struggling to breathe and more like a normal person getting ready to purchase books. When you entered you had a good forty or so minutes to grab the two volumes, pay, and get out. What could go wrong?

There were very few people left in the bookstore, only about one or two people that were still perusing the many aisles of books. You knew exactly where the volumes you wanted were located. Gripping the coupon in your hand tighter you walked towards the manga section of the bookstore. This section was by far the smallest section of the entire store and the only place they kept the manga, for obvious reasons.

You had only taken one step into the section when the strap of your bag decided that latching onto the manga tower was a good idea. Thus bringing the entire display down onto your unsuspecting form.

You first felt a spike of pain on your backside, and it hurt like a bitch. You looked behind you to catch a glimpse of the cause of the pain and noticed it was that display of My Hero Academia volumes you saw placed right at the entrance of the aisle. Of course, it had to be that god-forsaken manga Chenle and Jisung were talking your ear off about all the time. But like god damn, what were these books made of? You had landed on the ground on your knees in the most ungraceful way possible, and you knew for a fact that you probably had a bad case of carpet burn on your knees. It didn’t help that you looked like an idiot, and it also didn’t help that you were quickly garnering the attention of the other customers in this tiny ass bookstore. Of course, you’d humiliate yourself right when they get a sudden influx of customers.

You felt your face turn hot in humiliation, and you moved to try to get up to attempt to save yourself from this embarrassment. However, the damn display wasn’t done with you yet and didn’t want to budge. Why was this display all of sudden so heavy? You turn your attention to the people walking over to check out the commotion you created. However, none jumped to your aid. You sighed in disbelief and were about to attempt to get up by yourself again. Before you could, you felt the relief of the heavy display being lifted off of you and you swear to god you could hear the angels ascending down to Earth and singing to you. You turned to look at your savior and you came face to face with the cutest stranger kneeling next to you, his facial expression showing deep concern. He was saying something to you but you were too busy gaping at him like a fish out of water.

He puts one of his hands on your shoulder finally snapping you out of your dazed stupor. The cute stranger’s face had contorted to one of panic, “Did you hit your head too? Do you have a concussion?” You frantically start waving your hands out, shaking your head no, “N-No, I’m fine! Perfectly fine, peachy actually.” you say, your voice cracking by the end of your sentence. The boy next to you doesn’t look convinced but he nods anyway and he lets out a small laugh at the oddity of all of this. You laugh too, one because his laugh is infectious and you couldn’t help but laugh along, and two, you thought it was stupid to think this, but you couldn’t help it, all that was going through your mind was, you didn’t know who to thank for giving you the chance to meet this cute stranger, your incessant love for Chuuya Nakahara or Deku’s silly superhero gang.

Turns out that cute stranger’s name was Mark Lee, an employee of that bookstore. A cute name for a cute human, you had thought. After the whole fiasco, you had gotten an ice pack from him and assurance that he’d be the one to clean up the display you destroyed. You sheepishly told him you didn’t mind cleaning it up yourself since it technically was your fault. But he insisted that a pretty, injured girl like yourself shouldn’t be doing any cleaning at all. That shut you up real quick, a red hue taking over your face. You were just glad he didn’t notice. You ended up staying till the store closed, talking with Mark about different animes and mangas you two enjoyed, and other interests you had.

Karina had texted you a couple of minutes after the bookstore closed wondering where you were.

rina<3: hey where r u, its been like yearssssss y/n: ive been gone for like two hours max, u’ll survive rina<3: i just want my dose of jujutsu kaisen :/

You snicker at the message and shut your phone off choosing to tell her what had happened when you arrived back to your shared dorm. Standing in front of the bookstore, you put your phone into your back pocket. You look up right on time to watch Mark fumble with the keys as he tries to lock up the store for the night. You laugh quietly, who knew the boy who’d come to your rescue was also clumsy, granted his clumsiness was cute and yours was more on the, I’d rather crawl into a hole and die than have to go through that again, sort of clumsiness.

Mark turns around to look at you after he finishes locking up the shop and he gives you a small grin, and you were sure your stomach was a terrarium with the amount of butterflies flying about in there. You barely knew the guy, you seriously couldn’t be forming an infatuation that fast. Right?

“Y/N, you said you lived on campus right?”, he asked as he walked over to stand next to you. You nodded in response to his question. “That’s great! I live on campus too, it’s sort of crazy how we never really saw each other before though. If you want, we can walk back together?”, he suggested.

You were getting ready to refuse not wanting to waste any more of Mark’s time, at this point, you assumed he was just doing all this to be polite, and if it were you in Mark’s position, you sure as hell wouldn’t exactly be so chipper and willing after having to clean someone else’s mess. But once you glanced over towards him, you were so done for. He was giving you one of those doe-eyed stares, like a cute little puppy wanting something from you. So you folded, like a piece of paper, but like come on, how could you say no to a face like that? That’s how you ended up with an entertaining walk home, an amused roommate, and a new contact in your phone.

Turns out that Jisung and Chenle knew Mark as well. They both had met him in one of their many shared classes (you realize a majority of your friends really enjoy the arts), and they use him as a means to get a discount at the bookstore Mark works at. You wish you had thought of that, but you supposed you already used all of Mark’s sympathy the moment you tumbled down to the ground with his meticulously arranged display of books. Speaking of the bookstore, when both of those two gremlins found out how you two had met they both laughed their big heads off, both boys in literal tears after Mark was finished retelling the encounter. You wish the ground would just open up and swallow you whole but life never wanted to go your way, did it?

You cursed them both out in embarrassment and a bit of anger as Mark sat in between you and the two boys, attempting to cover his small amused smile from you, but it didn’t really work. “Do you find me getting hurt so funny? I’m glad my demise will forever be a joke.”, you lamented. Chenle laughed again, his laugh higher in pitch now, and you had to restrain the urge to reach over the table and throttle his giant head. You felt a slight pat on your back and you looked over to see Mark smiling at you with his cute little smile and you felt your heart melt, “Don’t be too sad, I don’t find it that funny.”

Mark looks at his watch and he looks at it alarmed, he starts hastily getting up from the table you four were sitting at, pulling his backpack onto his shoulders, “Sorry guys gotta go, I promised Donghyuck I’d help him with recording his new cover of some song he found on Youtube.” He turns to look at you, “Catch you later? Heard there’s a new manga coming out soon, maybe we can read it together?” You nod dumbly at his question, Mark sends you one last smile and a thumbs-up before he leaves. His figure moved farther and farther away from the three of you.

Chenle was the first to break the silence. “Have you finished drooling over Mark yet?” You spluttered, “What are you talking about? I was not!” You crossed your arms over your chest as you looked at the boy. He had a shit-eating grin on his face, and you groaned covering your probably red face with your hands. You peeked through your fingers and Jisung was also looking at you expectantly. Okay, so maybe you should have throttled Zhong Chenle earlier.

Being friends with Mark Lee is exhausting, and that’s only one of the many words you could use to describe your friendship, but you didn’t feel like delving more into that territory.

Mark was excitable at times and was always passionate about the things he had an interest in. In your words, he was a huge nerd. So when he found out there was going to be a convention in a town near yours he was practically bouncing off the walls. He had called you at three in the morning with the news, you, on the other hand, answered the phone half asleep mumbling “mhms” and “uh huhs” to his excited rambles.

When the day of the convention had come, he had convinced you to come along, and even dress up as a character. You decided to dress as Yosano from Bungo. It was a simple outfit really, just a button-up blouse with a black tie, a black skirt, and some black tights. Your hair is adorned with Yosano’s signature butterfly clip. You had to say, you cleaned up nicely. You exited out of your dorm and walked down to the parking area of your dorm’s building.

Mark was supposed to come over and pick you up ten minutes ago but he still wasn’t here. For someone excited about all this, you’d think he’d be the one to come early. You pulled out your phone getting ready to text him, but the boy in question pulled up to where you were standing. Looking up at him you noticed he was dressed up as well, as Ranpo, from his hat, down to his little detective cape.

That is so adorable. You just wanted to pinch his cheeks at how cute he looked, but you threw the thought out the window. You clambered into Mark’s passenger seat, closing the door trying not to get your skirt caught as you closed it. Mark looked over at you and chuckled, “Hey what are the odds we’re two characters from the same manga?”

You giggled as you playfully hit him on his shoulder, “I literally told you who I was going as ages ago, you literally did that on purpose.” Mark turns to look back at the road as he starts to pull out of the parking lot onto the main road. “Maybe I did.”. he says nonchalantly. You glance at him, “You wanted to be matchy matchy?”, you chirped. He beams at you and nods. You felt those butterflies in your stomach start again, just like all the other times you’ve hung out with Mark, but somehow this felt different. “Any reason as to why?”, you asked slowly.

Mark sucks in a breath, and you worry you’ve offended him. You start to take back what you had said, but he places a hand on one of yours that was in your lap, and that’s when you notice how clammy your hands were. You were praying to anyone that would listen so that he wouldn’t notice. If he did he didn’t mention it at all but not that that mattered at all because the next few words he uttered nearly knocked the wind out of you, and made you forget the fact that you had gross hands.

“I like you, Y/N. To be honest, I thought I was being obvious in my feelings for you, but forgive me if I was a little awkward, I’ve never really done anything like that at all.”

You stared at him not knowing what to say, and this felt a little too familiar to your unceremonious meeting, where even back then you had stared at him like he’d grown two heads. Mark was beginning to feel a slight bit uncomfortable under your gaze and started to pull his hand back, “If you... don’t return my feelings that’s fine too! We can forget this happened, stay as friends and we can go back to reading our silly little mangas together.”

You grabbed his hand back and held it in yours. His hand was warm, and it felt nice, and you liked it a lot. “You know, Mark Lee, I like you too, probably a lot more than you think, plus you were quite literally my knight in shining armor.”

“Oh thank god you like me back, I thought you thought of me as some nerd pestering you all the time.”, Mark gushed. You jokingly put a hand on your chin pretending to think, “Welllllllllllll………..”

“Hey, I was making a joke!”

“I’m just kidding.”, you say, grinning from ear to ear. “So does that mean, you’re my girlfriend?”, he asks giddily. “If you want, I can be.”, you breathed. “Then, it’s official.”, Mark says, while drawing delicate circles with his thumb on your hand.

Mark turns to take another look at you before adding, “I’m glad your clumsy self got nearly crushed by a My Hero Academia display stand.”

“Okay, well now you’ve ruined it.”

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sjsmith56 · 2 months

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Making It Clear

Summary: Bucky’s girlfriend reminisces about their relationship while he is on a long mission. She also recalls how one member of the Avengers tried to bring her down.

Characters: Bucky Barnes, named OFC, Sharon Carter, Sam Wilson

Warnings: Body shaming, self esteem issues, bullying behaviour, gaslighting.

Author notes: Set post-FATWS. Captain America 4 and Thunderbolts* have not happened. Instead, the Avengers were restarted with Sam and Bucky as the leaders. This happens a couple of years after that. A certain MCU woman character is the antagonist.

📚 ☕️ 🥙

It had been two weeks since most of the team went on the mission. Two weeks since I last spoke to Bucky. Two weeks since we last made love. We had only been living together for six months, six glorious months where I finally believed that I found a diamond in the rough. I was in love and with everything he said and did, I believed he was falling in love with me.

I'm not an Avenger. I'm nothing special, just an ordinary woman who was doing an ordinary job of working in a used bookstore in New York, one of two jobs I held: the other transcribing doctor's audio notes into a readable file, then uploading it into the healthcare database. I could do it from home, which suited me fine. One morning, as I was working at the bookstore, I became aware of the most beautiful man I've ever seen glancing at me as he looked at some books. Our eyes met and I felt a pull to his blue ones unlike any other connection I've ever had with a man. I smiled; he smiled back, then he smiled again when he brought his small stack over to buy the books he had chosen.

"Nice selection," I said, as I rang them through.

I looked at the hardcover illustrated one about the horse Seabiscuit. I thought it was an unusual choice, although it was a good book. He noticed my attention on it.

"I actually saw Seabiscuit race," he said. I looked at him strangely. "I'm Bucky Barnes. I was a young man then." He placed a gloved hand on the book cover. "It brings back good memories."

"You are really him," I stated. "You're different than you seem on TV. You're smiling, for starters."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the media. Sometimes I feel as if they're waiting for me to screw up so they can point the finger and say I should never have been pardoned." He shrugged and looked around. "A bookstore is one of my safe places."

"$25.67, please. I've never seen you here before."

He offered his bank card and placed it on the terminal. "I only just found it this morning, but I think I'll be here more often."

Producing a cloth bag out of his pocket, he held it open while I slid the books and receipt into it. He nodded his head and turned to go to the door then looked back.

"What's your name?"

"Robyn."

He smiled again, his almost perfect white teeth showing briefly. "It's nice to meet you, Robyn. I'll see you next time."

That was how we met and true to his word, the next time was five days later, when he returned with his cloth shopping bag. I heard the bell on the door ring and got up from where I was rearranging a shelf. He was there at the end of the aisle.

"Hi, you're back," I said, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"I am. I finished the books. The Seabiscuit book was good. Do you have other sports books that might interest me?"

I smiled. "Well, I took the liberty of looking you up on the internet." He raised his eyebrows. "Not the bad stuff. The good stuff from before the war. You were a boxer." He nodded. "There's a book called The Sweet Science by A.J. Liebling. It was published in 1949, after you were declared dead, but it's considered one of the best books about boxing around."

I walked behind the front desk and opened the cupboard, pulling out a stack of books. Finding the boxing book, I put it on the counter for him. He smiled that brilliant smile again and picked it up, reading the back cover, then opened it and scanned the first few pages.

"That looks good. What else do you have there?"

"You'll like this one, even though most of the story happens after the war. It's called The Boys of Summer. It's about the Brooklyn Dodgers until the 1955 World Series. There's some criticism that it's too worshipful in tone but for a loyal fan of the Dodgers it's supposed to be an excellent read."

His eyes lit up and he picked it up, reading the back, then the first few pages of the first chapter.

"You're batting 2 for 2 so far, sweetheart," he said, then he looked at me. "Sorry, bad habit. I know women now don't care for those nicknames."

"I don't mind," I smiled back. "It reminds me of my grandpa." He made a face at me, which made me laugh. "I'm not saying you're old enough to be my grandpa because it's true that you are. You're just from a different time, that's all. It doesn't offend me."

The next book was The Natural, by Bernard Malamud. I described it to him, telling him it was made into a pretty decent movie as well. Sticking with baseball, I showed him Shoeless Joe, by W.P. Kinsella, and described the plot.

"They made a movie out of that called Field of Dreams," I said. "Whenever I'm home and it comes on, I watch it with my dad. Even though there are differences from the book it makes me cry every time." I put the final book in front of him. "This is No Cheering in the Press Box. The editor interviewed 24 sportswriters who were active between World War I and World War II. They basically just talk about the memorable sporting events and athletes they wrote about. Oh, and there was a movie about Seabiscuit based on the book you bought but the book was better, in my opinion."

He sifted through the five books then pushed them all towards me. "Ring them up. I'll take them all."

I scanned the barcode on the back of each book through as he watched me.

"You're not full time here," he noted.

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "I have another job that's almost full time, but I do it at home. This one gives me spending money. New York's expensive."

"Yeah, it is, but I still like the energy," he answered. "How much do I owe you?"

"$54.35." He put his cloth bag on the counter, and I packed the books while he placed his bank card on the terminal. "I hope you like them."

"I'm sure I will. If you want to pick out some books on science and technology for next time I would appreciate it. I'm still trying to catch up on what I missed."

It looked like he was going to ask me something else then he nodded politely and left the store. I went back to rearranging that shelf, then a few moments later heard the bell on the door ring. Just as I started to rise, he was there, offering me a hand up. It was a nice gesture and I thanked him. He stood awkwardly for a moment then took a deep breath.

"If you're not busy sometime I would like to have coffee with you, if you want, and you're not busy yourself. I can imagine two jobs keep you busy but I found it easy to talk to you and I just don't like going through the dating apps and judging people based on a photograph. If you don't, it's okay."

His voice trailed off and he looked so vulnerable for a long moment.

"I would like that, too, except I'm a tea drinker," I said. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at my schedule. "I'm free at 5 today. We could make it drinks and a light meal, maybe? There's a nice bistro around the corner that makes good coffee, tea, and great paninis."

The smile that erupted out of his face was so sweet and I could feel my stomach do a little flip flop at the sight of it.

"Yeah, that would work. Shall I meet you here and we walk over together?"

"Sure, but let's exchange numbers, just in case something comes up. I imagine that in your line of work you're on call all the time."

Agreeing with that he produced his phone and handed it to me so I could enter my information in his contacts. He texted my number and watched as I saved it to my list. Then with a wave he left the store and I returned to that shelf.

Bucky showed up at 4:55, walking in as I was finishing with a customer. He smiled at both of us, then stood at a shelf, looking at the selection, until I walked the customer out, locked the door, and pulled the blinds down on the windows and door.

"I just have to put the cash into the safe," I said. "The owner will be in tomorrow morning and will do the tally for the bank deposit."

After I printed off the sales record and emptied the cash drawer, I opened the safe and placed all the cash in it. The door was closed, the dial on the safe was spun, and I locked the cabinet. Then I grabbed my purse and jacket, and came out to the front.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I nodded and unlocked the door so he could leave ahead of me, locking both locks on it, then I asked for his help to pull the grate down and locked it into place. Like always, I sent a text to the owner that everything was secure for the night.

We arrived at the bistro just a few minutes later and I ordered a London Fog Tea Latte, and a chicken Caesar panini, while Bucky ordered a regular coffee and two roast beef paninis. It was common knowledge that he needed more food due to being a super soldier, so I wasn't surprised. We took a seat outside in the shade of the awning and waited for our food.

It was one of the best dates I had ever been on. Bucky was charming, in an old-fashioned way. He didn't monopolize the conversation, instead he asked me a lot of questions about myself. When I did ask him something he got nostalgic, but not in a complaining way. There were just things that he missed from before and he was sorry they didn't last.

"What about new things?" I asked, as our food was served. "What do you like about the present?"

"Food," he said, immediately, as he took an appreciative bite of his panini and smiled as he chewed before he spoke again. "Some things were better then but things like this, and the variety that's available is good. Healthcare is better. I mean, so many things were bad then, like cancer, tuberculosis, polio, and diseases that needed better antibiotics which didn't exist yet to be cured." He shrugged a little. "I prefer the old music but I'm making my way through the newer stuff and finding out what I like."

"I don't think they do romantic songs well now, not like they used to," I commented. "It's more about sexual attraction instead of the emotions, although there are still a few singers of the old stuff. I remember watching my grandparents dance at weddings when they played the old stuff and it was sweet, you know? It was romantic that they still felt the same way even after so many years." He got a pained look in his eyes for a moment, and I wondered if he was remembering something sad. "What were you like then? I've seen the pictures of you in your uniform and you were, and still are a handsome man. You looked so confident."

"Yeah." His voice softened. "I went out a lot, dancing. I was popular, mostly because I didn't kiss and tell. A woman's reputation was everything and it was easy to destroy if someone said something that really wasn't their business. I'm more introverted now as I don't have much in common with most people. I've had a few relationships, but they fizzled out and I never really figured out why as they said it was them, not me. Hard to believe that when you hear it several times."

"You like books," I replied. "That's a big plus for me. You're polite, attentive, and you have manners. That puts you above a lot of guys in my generation."

"You don't date much?" I shook my head, then took another bite of my panini. "They must be idiots. I think you're interesting and I'd like to see you again."

His words made me feel warm inside and I smiled at him. "I'd like that, too."

After we finished, we walked around, talking some more, then Bucky saw me home, sitting on the train with me. When we got to my apartment door, he hesitated for a moment then he gently brushed his lips against mine and watched as I entered, telling me to wave from the window when I was safely inside.

That was the beginning of our relationship, and it was wonderful as it developed over the first two months. We saw each other whenever we could, even if he sometimes just came and sat in my apartment to read as I worked on my medical transcriptions. He always made sure I had something to eat and drink while I was doing that. Sometimes, he would massage my shoulders when it looked like I was stressing out over some of the more unintelligible voice recordings, as accuracy in the transcription was paramount.

The first time he stayed over was incredible, as it started to rain hard while he was there. I wasn't going to send him out into the rain, so we made soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. When the power suddenly stopped, we made out, which led to our first time together, which led to him staying over. He was so giving, wanting to make sure that I was satisfied before he was. I can honestly say he made love better than any man I had ever been with, not that I had a lot of experience in the matter. It didn't matter, I was falling in love with him and by the words he said to me, the feeling was mutual.

My world fell apart a little just over two months after we started dating when the bookstore was broken into overnight, robbed, then set on fire. I wasn't working that day, but my boss phoned me in tears that someone would destroy her livelihood like that. Bucky came with me in the middle of the night to comfort her, as we watched the fire department try to save what they could, which ended up being nothing. Even with the insurance, she couldn't afford to reopen it and I was out of one of my two jobs. Two weeks later, the medical transcription service I worked for was sold to a conglomerate, who promptly terminated the contracts of over half the staff, me included. Because it was a contract position, there was no severance pay. It wouldn't be long until my savings ran out and when it did, I would be homeless.

"Move in with me," offered Bucky. "The suite I have at the tower is huge and I'm sure you can get on with the support staff there. All I have to do is ask Pepper Stark."

"Bucky, I don't want to use you like that." I appreciated it but it seemed wrong to use his friends to get another job and I didn't want to impose on him. "I'll find something. I can manage on my own."

He looked at me with a strange, soft smile on his face.

"The thing is, you don't have to. You're more than qualified to work at the tower and we're together so much already that I feel like we're already living together. Please, let me help the most important person in my life."

My interview with Pepper Stark went well, and I got a job, a good job, in the IT department. She even paid for my things to be moved into Bucky's apartment, although most of the furniture went into storage because his apartment was furnished already. Almost everyone was welcoming to me and I felt comfortable there.

There was one person who seemed friendly at first, but I found when Bucky went on longer missions that she wasn't on, she could be a little cold. Sharon Carter, who was apparently related to Steve Rogers' girlfriend from World War II, was beautiful, smart, and a very capable operative. As a CIA liaison with the Avengers, she was often sent on undercover assignments, with various Avengers, occasionally Bucky, to infiltrate secure places. In front of him and the others she was very complementary to me. But when they were away and we were alone, or with some lesser agents, she would make comments that could be seen as snide or hurtful, although she always worded them in a way that made me wonder if I was just imagining it.

Once, I came back from working out. I knew I wasn't at the level of fitness most of the agents or Avengers were. I just did stuff to keep active and Bucky never said anything to the contrary. On that day, I felt good about what I did, actually pushing myself with the weights. I stopped to get a bottle of water from the communal fridge. I took my sweaty T-shirt off and was in my sports bra and leggings. Sharon sat at the table, reading something on a tablet. As I walked past her, she hummed.

"I don't mean to be critical or anything," she said, in that confident voice she had. "Are you gaining weight?" I looked at her as if I couldn't believe she would say that. "It's just that you seem to have a bit of a muffin top forming. Maybe you shouldn't be eating ice cream for a snack so often. Just a word of advice. Bucky likes his women fit."

That was the first time I ever felt misgivings about my body. Even though I knew I looked good, she planted a seed of doubt in my head that day. Ignoring her, I left for our apartment and stripped down, looking at myself naked in the mirror. I grasped my midsection and tried to see where the muffin top was. I couldn't see it and even though I dismissed the thought, it percolated in my head, and I found myself cutting back on my food during the rest of the week. When Bucky returned, he made a big show of picking me up and holding me tight as he kissed me. There was a mirror wall and I glanced at it, seeing Sharon while he was doing it. She was jealous; it was clearly all over her face that she wanted Bucky. During dinner with everyone, she was polite again. As soon as we finished Bucky and I went to our apartment, locked ourselves in and didn't come out until morning. I wanted to ask him about Sharon, but something stopped me.

"Robyn, are you alright?" Bucky was looking at me as we brushed our teeth. "You seem off."

"I just missed you," I replied. "I'm glad you're back."

"Me, too," he smiled. "We have a lot of catching up to do. I've missed this."

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck. Then he frowned.

"Have you lost weight?"

"I don't know," I lied. "Maybe I've been grabbing food on the go while I'm working instead of stopping for a meal."

"Don't lose anymore," he said, softly. "I like you with something extra to hold. You've got a beautiful body."

His words soothed me, and I felt better. Our relationship progressed and we said the "love" words to each other often. The time apart while he was on missions was hard, but he bent over backwards to make it up to me on his return. Sharon made little comments when he wasn't around, but I ignored them as best I could. That lasted until he had to go on a long mission again, this mission that he was currently on. Thankfully, Sharon wasn't at the tower as she was on assignment in Los Angeles. But the day before Bucky got back, she walked into the common room, where I was sitting alone, minding my own business. She flopped onto the sofa next to me then looked over.

"You changed your hair."

"Just got it cut."

"It looks alright, I guess. Has Bucky seen it?"

"On FaceTime. He likes it."

"Oh." She was quiet for a moment. "Maybe when he gets here, he'll change his mind."

I shouldn't have let what she said bother me, but something flipped inside me at that moment, and I turned to her, glaring in anger.

"What is your problem? Why do you say things like that?"

"Like what? They're just observations. Whether you listen to them or not, isn't my problem." I got up to get away from her, but she just had to have the last word. "You know his relationships don't last. Something always goes wrong. It just depends on when you realize that he's not cut out for something long term."

I kept going until I got into the apartment. Then I cried, feeling stupid that I let her words hurt me. All the old insecurities from her first hurtful comments came up and even though I knew I should just let it slide off me, something must have hit the mark because I couldn't let it go. That night I slept terribly, unable to put her words out of my head. Eventually I fell asleep for a bit but was awakened by the sensation of someone getting into bed with me. With a start I sat up, only to see Bucky smiling sheepishly at me.

"You're back early!"

"We left early, and I flew at top speed to get back sooner," he said, reaching out to caress my face. "Was hoping to be with you before you left for work."

I clutched at him, kissing him frantically, until he laughingly pulled me off of him. Then he looked closer at me and saw how tired I still appeared. Immediately his whole mood changed into something more serious and concerned.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked. "Didn't you sleep last night?"

I looked down and shook my head. He waited to hear more.

"Sharon got into my head, and I couldn't shake it off."

"She what?" His voice hardened. "What did she say to you?"

"It was nothing."

"Robyn, it wasn't nothing if it bothered you. If you don't tell me then I have to ask Friday for a playback."

I explained how her comment on my haircut triggered me into confronting her and she gaslighted me into making it my fault I was offended. His face went steely. Then, haltingly, I told him what she said about him and relationships; that he wasn't cut out for something long term.

"How long?" I looked at him blankly. "How long as she been messing with your head?"

I told him about the snide comments about my appearance, and lack of fitness. It all came pouring out of me in a torrent. By the last words I was crying and he held me, pulling me onto his lap while he kissed me and told me over and over how much I meant to him. When my crying finally slowed down to shaky breaths and occasional sniffles, he placed his hand under my chin and raised my face to view his.

"Understand this and believe it," he murmured. "I love you. Living with you has made me feel like a new man and I wake up every morning smiling because I know that you're here with me. I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. That's not a proposal but it is a promise that someday, sooner rather than later, I'll ask you properly to marry me." He kissed me sweetly on the lips then he took another audible breath. "Sharon Carter is another matter. I turned her down once because I honestly don't like her. She's a good operative and I've had her back while she's had mine. But she's got a mean streak in her that comes out without warning, and she doesn't care who it hurts. My last girlfriend before you, said something about Sharon and then left, not wanting to elaborate. I didn't put it together then I met you and put it out of my mind." He looked up at the ceiling. "Friday, can you compile recordings of any interaction between Sharon and my previous girlfriends and with Robyn. Specifically, any that involve criticism of the relationship between them and me? Include any comments that were critical of the girlfriends."

I looked at him in a new light. "You think it was her who sabotaged your relationships?" He nodded. "She planted the seeds of doubt and watered them every chance she got." I rubbed my face. "She wants you for herself."

"It's never going to happen." His tone was firm, then softened as he gazed at me. "I have what I want right here, right now."

I unbuckled his tac suit jacket, slipping it off his shoulders then tugged his singlet off between tender kisses and caresses from both of us. He took off the rest and showed me how much I meant to him in the best way possible. All my fears about us were dealt with and we slept afterwards wrapped together for several hours. When I woke up to get ready for my job, he let me shower alone. When I came out, he went in for a quick shower then dressed.

"Let's go for breakfast," he said. "I have a video to show everyone."

Together we came out to the common kitchen and dining area where everyone was making or eating breakfast. Sharon was sitting at the table with a pastry and coffee, pretending not to notice us but Bucky made sure he had his arm around me and kissed my head often. He made me a tea and gestured for me to sit at the table while he brought our food. It was close to Sharon, but I ignored her. Bucky brought our food then went back and poured himself a coffee, sitting next to me.

"I do like your hair like this," he said, running his eyes over it. "It looks even better than it did on FaceTime. What do you think, Sharon?"

"It's fine," she answered, as if she were bored.

"I guess fine is better than alright," he said, looking straight at her. "That was the actual term you used, wasn't it?"

"I dunno."

"You know, maybe it's because I was out of practice or maybe it's because I thought we were colleagues, but I never once thought that you would stoop so low as to try to sabotage my relationships."

She made it seem like he was boring her then looked at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Let me refresh your memory then. Friday, playback video compilation from this morning."

The large wall screen came to life and a series of videos began of Sharon with Bucky's earlier girlfriends. Everyone stopped talking and watched in confusion, with open mouths, as they heard her say some nasty things to the other women. There were many comments about their hair, weight, lack of style, lack of fitness, but mostly how Bucky wasn't capable of being in a long-term relationship with anyone because of his PTSD, or because he was more interested in playing the field. To her credit, she sat there and took it, although her face hardened throughout the playback. When the video got to what she said to me, I could feel the mood in the room turn completely against her. Sam Wilson, who hadn't said anything until then, finally stood up and looked at her with daggers.

"I think you should put in for an immediate transfer to another agency," he said. "By what I've seen and heard just now I don't think anyone wants to partner with you on any missions. Whatever trust we may have built up with you during and since the Flag Smashers is gone, by your own actions."

She breathed out angrily and stood up, looking briefly at all of them, then finally on Bucky and me. With a shake of her head, she left the table and the room. Sam advised Friday to lock her out of any systems that required clearance. As far as he was concerned, she had no clearance with the Avengers anymore. Then he looked at me and Bucky.

"All of us can see what you mean to each other. You make Bucky happy and that means a lot to all of us. I'm sorry we didn't know about her behaviour sooner. It was unacceptable."

He left to file a formal complaint about Sharon and why he fired her summarily. Others came to offer hugs to me and even Bucky, who took them. We sat back down to finish our breakfast. I couldn't help it, but the tears began again. He put his knife and fork down, then turned towards me, cupping my face in his hands. Gently, he wiped the tears from my cheek then kissed me on the lips. He didn't say anything, just gazed at me so lovingly that I stopped crying and nodded that I was okay. It was the truth. I was great. In front of me was someone I loved very much, and he loved me just as fiercely. Whatever the future brought we would face it together.

One Shots Masterlist

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#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #buckybarnes original female character #bucky barnes oneshot #bodyshamers #gaslighting #bullying

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zoyaofthegardvn · 2 years

Note

Hey, doll :)

I know you are currently drowning in requests, but I wanted to ask if I could request an angsty mor x reader. However, if someone has already asked something like that just disregard this one xx

ILY 🌺

New Friends, Old Insecurities (1)

A/N: Yes yes yes! I love writing angst to fluff stuff! Thanks so much for the request, anon! :) This will be divided into two parts!

CW: None! But this is pure angst, so the fluff isn't til I write a part 2!

Update: Part 2 is now posted! Read it here!

---

You sighed as you watched Emerie and Mor spar, taking a seat off to the side so that you could finish up the work you'd brought along with you. You decided to come today because you've been missing your mate, but it's clear that you won't be receiving any of her attention today like you so desperately craved.

Ever since Nesta had become best friends with Gwyn and Emerie, they'd become close to everyone in the Night Court. In fact, you'd grown especially fond of Gwyn, and now considered her one of your dearest friends. Emerie and Mor had clicked, and their friendship had taken off fast. You were happy that Mor was making more friends, especially female friends as she'd spent so long just with Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel. But, you were, in fact, jealous.

You tried not to be. Really. But it was a deep insecurity of yours, that Mor would find someone better and leave you. She was just so bold, so confident, so commanding and brave. And so was Emerie. You were reserved, and quiet. You weren't a warrior like Mor, sticking to more intellectual pursuits. You didn't like to party, and you never had any interest in learning a sword. You had always wondered if Mor wished she'd been mated to anyone but you, but for the most part, you were able to look past the insecurities, as your relationship with her was loving and perfect.

But she was spending so much time with Emerie. They'd train together even when the Valkyries weren't, they'd go to Emerie's shop and talk weapons for hours, they'd patrol the camps as a pair and often sat together to talk about anything and everything. It'd been weeks of this, and though it was you that Mor came home to every night, you that she made love to, you that she said she loved, you genuinely had your doubts.

You were interrupted from your thoughts when someone came to stand in front of you. Looking up, you're greeted with Gwyn's kind smile.

"Hey," she says, hand over her eyes to shield from the sun.

"Hey," you respond, but your heart isn't in it.

Gwyn looks back over her shoulder, to where Mor and Emerie are laughing as they take a water break, and she looks back to you with concern in her eyes.

"S'fine," you shrug, a bit embarrassed that others had began to notice your mate's affections for another female.

Gwyn shakes her head. "It's not," she says, reaching her hand out to grab your own. She pulls you up and places a hand on your shoulder. "I'm done for the day, how about we go into town before dinner? We could go to the bookstore?"

You glance behind her, where Mor hasn't even turned to look at you or made her way over to say hello, and then you nod. "Yes, I think I'd quite like that."

---

"She adores you, Y/N, I think she's just forgotten how it's like to make a new, true friend, you know?" Gwyn says, taking a sip from the hot tea she'd ordered from the bookstore cafe.

Your eyes roam the shelves in the Fantasy section, your iced coffee clutched in your hand. "I never see her anymore, and when I do, it's when we're getting ready for bed, or she's about to leave in the morning, or I see her when we're all in a group. And even then, it's like she's not even with me."

Gwyn hums, then grabs a book with an emerald green cover, a dragon illustrated on the front. She flips it over to skim the back. "It is pretty shitty, I'm not denying that. But I don't believe it's because she loves you any less than she always has."

You shrug. "I don't know what to do anymore. The only time it even feels like we're in a relationship is when she wants to have sex."

Gwyn's head snaps up. "That's just wrong! I'm sorry she's making you feel this way. You deserve better. Have you tried talking to her about it?"

You shake your head, and try to stop the tears welling in your eyes. "No, I haven't. I don't know how."

Gwyn reaches out and rubs your arm gently. "You're one of my best friends, Y/N, we'll figure it out together."

You smile at her, a pure, genuine smile, something you hadn't done in weeks. "Thank you, Gwyn."

She returns the affection, then hands you the book she'd pulled. "This sounds like something you'd enjoy."

---

You and Gwyn spent hours at the bookstore, browsing and reading. Gwyn had been right, the book she'd found was exactly what you enjoyed, and you two read your new books, hers being an obscene romance title, for a while at an outdoor table, sipping your drinks and sharing a few slices of lemon cake.

You two also discussed how you'd confront Mor, and when. It was decided that you'd ask her about it tonight, before bed. You'd remain calm, and you'd try not to cry. You would avoid an argument, and you'd explain how you'd feel. It was a good plan. A solid one, that you hoped would work.

You two decided to leave as the sun began to set, knowing you'd be late for dinner at this rate, but you wouldn't miss it entirely.

You could hear your friends laughing and drinking as you arrived back at the house, and as you and Gwyn slipped your shoes off, you heard Cassian call, "There they are!" before him and Azriel came into the hallway.

Azriel smiled at Gwyn, bending to plant a sweet kiss to her lips before pulling her along to the dining room, where a full meal awaited her. You grinned at them, beyond excited that they'd finally accepted their mating bond.

Cassian clapped you on the back, smelling strongly of wine, and pushed you into the room as well. Instantly, your eyes fell to Mor. She was sat next to Emerie, who was sat in the seat you usually occupied. Instantly, your smile vanished. Gwyn met your gaze and rolled her eyes, shrugging, as if to say, "Screw them."

Your lower lip trembled at the small betrayal, but you swore to yourself that you weren't going to cry. Rather than take a seat at the table, you made your way to the kitchen to grab a glass of wine.

As you poured, you heard the door swing open behind you, but you didn't care enough to look.

"Where've you been today?" Mor asks, curiosity lacing her tone. Usually, you told Mor about your every move. Mostly because she worried when she didn't know where you were, and you liked the idea of someone caring about what you were doing.

You still didn't turn around, filling your glass nearly to the brim before setting the bottle down and taking a deep sip.

"I went to town," is your curt reply, cold and to the point.

You hear her take a few more steps towards you, but before she can reach you, you spin away from her and head towards the door, straight back to the dining room where you take an empty seat beside Gwyn, across the table and on the other end from where Mor and Emerie have taken seats.

Mor enters shortly after, looking confused, and she stares at you a long while when she notices that you'd sat as far from her as possible. You refuse to make eye contact, instead, you focus on making yourself a plate of the dinner Feyre and Elain had made. It smelled divine, and you were starved.

Conversation remained light, and mostly, you could tune out Emerie and Mor's voices, whatever conversation they were having. Gwyn, bless her, spoke to you nearly the entire time. She was a great friend, and a welcomed distraction.

When everyone began to clear their plates and put stuff away, you instantly went to the door after cleaning your mess. Usually, you and Mor would hang out for a while, then make your way home together. Without fail, nighttime was reserved for one another.

You waited by the door for a while, growing impatient and nearly ready to just leave Mor behind and wait for her at home, when she came around the corner.

"Hey," she says, furrowing her eyebrows at the sight of you all ready to leave.

"Are you ready?" Is how you respond, again, cold and to the point.

Mor rolls her eyes, confused and a bit agitated. "Well, actually, Emerie wants me to come to the shop tonight and work with her, I just wanted to let you know."

Cold dread washes over your body, your heart dropping. Once again, Mor is choosing Emerie over you, and once again, you're convinced that she wishes Emerie was her mate and not you.

"Are you serious right now?" You whisper, voice angry and brittle.

Mor says nothing, just looks at you with a questioning glare.

You laugh, humorless and bitter. You throw your hands up. "Well, Mor, you just have the most fun, and how about you stay there tonight, since you're so fond of her, hmm?"

So much for not starting an argument.

Mor recoils. "Excuse me?" she grits out, beyond offended.

"You heard me. Stay with her tonight, let's stop pretending like you don't prefer her to me," you spit, your voiced hushed as you're aware of all of your friends just in the next room over.

Mor shakes her head. "You cannot be serious right now," she glares at you like you've gone mad. "So, you're jealous?" she asks, and you don't respond. She scoffs, "I thought you were better than that."

And that, to you, is the nail in the coffin. You can't help the tears that well and spill over your cheeks. You look at her, you shake your head in disappointment, then you pull open the front door and leave.

---

You made it back home in record time, in case Mor did decide to come home, you didn't really want to face her. You slam the front door shut behind you, and in the privacy of your living room, you let loose a sob.

For weeks she'd been neglecting you, ditching you, spending more time with Emerie than her own mate. Her wife. She'd started giving the time of her day always dedicated to you, to someone else. She was never home. She hardly acknowledged whenever you were in the same place as her, and when she was home, it was to have sex, then sleep, then repeat. It hurt. And you couldn't take it anymore. You could feel the bond pulled taut between the two of you, and you closed yourself off from it entirely so that you could try to forget it even existed.

You're in your bedroom, still crying, when you hear the front door open. Mor.

She calls your name, sounding beyond frustrated. When she can't find you anywhere, she goes upstairs, and throws open the bedroom door.

When she barges in, her eyes land on your form, sat on the bed, head in your hands.

"What the fuck has gotten into you?"

Your head shoots up. "Me? What's gotten into me? I'm not the one falling in love with another woman!" Your voice is shaky, and your hands tremble as you take Mor in, her hands on her hips as she paces the room.

"Are you nuts? Emerie is my friend! I cannot believe you're acting like this out of jealousy!" She shakes her head like she's disappointed, like she's scolding a child for bad behavior.

You stand up, but you don't approach her. "And what about your mate?!" you roar, pointing a finger at her. "What about the female you married, the female you never fucking see anymore? Huh?"

Mor looks taken aback by your sudden shift from sadness to rage. "We've been bus-"

"DON'T! Don't give me that shit!" You bring a hand up to wipe furiously at the tears on your cheeks. "You're the one that's been busy with another female, I've been here, the whole fucking time, waiting for my mate to act like she's still in love with me!"

Mor flinches like she's been struck. "You can't be serious! Of course I'm in love with you Y/N, and I have seen you, every night I come home an-"

"And you fuck me then go to sleep, so you can wake up and see Emerie again." You spit, knowing it's a low blow, but that it's also true, and a cruel part of you wants to hurt her the way she's been hurting you.

Mor pales, her jaw clenches and her hands begin to sake with barely controlled anger. "We have never, ever, just fucked, and you know that. How dare you? How dare you act like every time we're together it doesn't mean something more than that?" Her voice cracks at the end, and it surprises you, that she'd start crying over this too.

"Do you think about her when we have sex?" You know you're just antagonizing her, but truly, you're convinced that you're not the female she's in love with anymore.

Mor's eyes widen, and she snarls before marching towards you. "Don't you ever fucking say something like that again! I have never not shown you that I'm in love with you!" She's in your face, and her angry tears are spilling from her eyes.

You push past her and make your way to the closet door, needing to put distance between the two of you.

"No, you've just started spending your entire days and evenings with her, only coming home to have sex with me then leave before I wake up. You've only been dedicating your time spent with me to her and her workshop, our breakfast dates to training sessions with her. You've been neglecting to ask me about my day and how I've been so that you can tell me all about your day with her. You've just been ignoring me when I'm in the same room as you two, because you're clearly having too much fun with her to be bothered. And you've started giving her my seat at the dinner table, because rather than find out where I am, you'd rather have her fill my place."

Mor's dead silent, staring at you from across the room. Her tears are still dripping, her hand is clenched into a fist and her other hand has come up to cover her mouth.

"All I've wanted these past few weeks is your attention. Your love. And no matter what I do, I can't seem to get it. But... but Emerie has no problem." You pause and take a deep breath, trying to steady your voice. "So, no, Mor. Maybe you've not exactly shown me that you're not in love with me, but you have shown me that you're falling in love with someone else."

She chokes on a sob. "No, Gods, no, baby. No. Never could I love anyone else."

You're crying again, and you choke on a sob mixed with a bitter laugh. "I-I think that you want to believe that. Mor, I've always known that I'm not right for you, mates or not, I think you know it too."

You turn and open the closet door, entering the small space and grabbing one of your larger bags. Mor walks in after you.

"T-That is not fucking true!" She blubbers, heaving deep breaths as she watches you pack some of your clothes.

"B-Baby, s-stop," she tries to plead, but you ignore her, and shake her hand off when she tries to grab your arm. You've just been grabbing things at random, but you need to get out of this house, now, so you can only hope that you've grabbed enough pants, shirts, dresses, and pairs of bras and underwear to actually last you a while.

You storm out of the closet and head into the bathroom to grab toiletries. Again, you grab at random, hardly able to see through your tears. And, of course, Mor follows.

"Y/N, p-please stop, we can talk about this, plea-"

You whirl around. "I've said all I needed to say! I'm done, Mor. I'm done."

Mor cries harder, looking down at the floor in utter devastation. The sound of her sobs breaks your heart even more than it already has, and you resist the urge to comfort her, to tell her it's okay, that you two can move on.

Reentering the bedroom, you throw the bag on the bed so that you can zip it up. Mor trails after you, and watches as the love of her life gets ready to leave her.

"Baby, please, I-I love you, so fucking much. I'm sorry, I-I'm so, so sorry," she can hardly get it out from how hard she's crying, and you know that if you turn around, you'll break. So you focus on sliding your bag up your arm and putting your shoes on. When you're ready, you make for the bedroom door, and you practically run down the stairs, eager to get away from the heartbreak tainting the house that was meant to be your home.

Again, Mor grabs your arm before you can open the front door. "Please don't leave, let me make this right," her voice is a whisper, muffled from the congestion caused by her crying.

You close your eyes, you don't turn to look at her. "I love you, Mor, I always will," you hear Mor's breath catch as she waits for you to finish, as she hopes that you'll relent, that you'll put the bag down and take her into your arms and let her explain and apologize and let her change so that she never hurts you again. But you meant what you said, when you told her that you couldn't do it anymore. "But I'm done. I-I'm sorry."

And with that, you're ripping the door open, and leaving into the night.

---

A/N: Whew! That was angsty! Also, just wanna add, I love Emerie! I tried to not make her sound like a female trying to take Mor away from reader, but she is the source of the issue here. Just please know that my characterization of her is not book accurate and was changed for the sake of a fight fic, I love Emerie a lot!

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crappymixtape · 2 years

Text

you're never far behind • part one

when your dad calls and needs your help at home in hawkins you can't say no, but when you arrive back in town you uncover a friendship you thought you'd lost a long time ago | ( 6.2k, angst, tiny fluffies, best friends to strangers to friends to lovers, steve x reader, steve x you )

Y O U ‘ R E N E V E R F A R B E H I N D 🎶 long time, wild rivers

“Was so good of you to come, hon. It’s a lot for your dad to do on his own, especially on delivery days. Can’t lie, sure is nice to see your face around again too! Need a warm up?”

“Please? Thanks, Georgie.”

“Sure thing, sweets.”

Steam lifted from the mug on the counter in front of you as Georgie filled it with more hot coffee. The diner still looked the same as it had when you’d left four years ago. Black and white checkered tiles, worn red plastic seat tops sparkling dully in the florescent lighting from above, the smell of french fries and Georgie’s perfume mingling in the air.

You’d arrived home, home in Hawkins, the night before and had only been to the diner and the post office, but people were already talking about it. Word got around fast. Your dad had been stubborn about it at first, but after he knocked over a couple of shelves in the shop he knew he was in over his head.

He owned the only bookstore in town, Turn A Page, for the last twenty years and took pride in the fact that he didn’t need any help doing it. But then he broke his leg falling off a ladder in the front yard trying to clean out the gutters and it took him a full week to call you.

“Hello?”

“Hey, scout. It’s me, doin’ okay?”

“Dad, yeah I’m good. Just finishing up a few things for a deadline. Everything okay down there?”

Silence.

Your dad was never quiet, so you knew it wasn’t good.

“Dad,” your tone was flat, firm, uninterested in bullshit and he hummed for a second longer, buying himself a bit more time, but gave in when he heard you suck in an anticipatory breath.

“It’s fine! It was just a little tumble. Cleaning out the damn gutters is a mess, but the x-rays came back showing a clean break, which is great news by the way! And I’ll only need crutches for a couple of months–”

“A clean break? X-Rays? Dad! C’mon, what the hell?”

“I didn’t want to worry you, I’m really fine down here. It’s just that, you know crutches, they’re kind of clumsy and hard to get the hang of and–and I bumped into one of the shelves at the shop and well…”

“And well?” you pushed, heart dropping from your throat after realizing it wasn’t as bad as you’d thought.

“Well, I hate to ask you. To be a burden, your old dad…”

“Dad,” you softened a bit, holding the receiver to your ear as you twisted the cord around your finger, waiting for him to just spit it out.

“Think you could come down for a month? Just to help me around the shop, get things set up for my stupid crutches? Maybe help me interview someone to putter around and do the stuff I can’t do just yet?”

“Yes. Of course I can. Dad, I really wish you’d ask someone else to come do the gutters. It’s not like you’re gonna all of a sudden need hearing aids or a walker just because you’re asking for some help.”

“Hey now, I manage just fine on my own. I raised you by myself, gutters ought to be a damn cake walk.”

You huffed a small laugh and shook your head, leaning against the wall in your kitchen, “Yeah, yeah. I know. You’re lucky I never take vacations.”

“And what a trip, huh? Come stay down here in Hawkins for a month and maybe you’ll wanna stay this time,” you could hear his smile on the other end as you let out a small groan.

“I doubt it, but I’ll hear your pitch when I get down there.”

“Perfect. It’ll be good enough you won’t even have any questions at the end.”

“Mmhm.”

Silence again, but this time it was warm. Like you were sitting next to your dad on the old brown couch in the living room back home watching Family Ties and eating microwave whatevers while you laughed so hard you cried. Maybe you did miss it a little.

“Okay, dad. I gotta go, I’ll catch the bus down after I let work know.”

“Thanks, bub. I really do appreciate it.”

“It’s okay, I want to.”

“Alright. You know I love you.”

“Yeah, love you too.”

“You headed over to the shop? Can I send you with a coffee and cinnamon roll for the boss?” Georgie asked with a sweet smile, her long earrings dangling just below her jawline as she turned toward the pastry case.

“He doesn’t need anymore sugar, Georgie,” you chided, but your tone didn’t hold any heat as the older woman turned back around, cinnamon roll boxed up tidy in one hand and a to-go cup of black coffee in the other.

You leveled her with a look, but the smile tugging at the corners of your lips gave you away. “Fine. But maybe make some croissants or something with less–” you waved your hand toward the sticky-sweet-frosting-coated rolls in the case, “–well, just less.” Both of you started laughing and Georgie gave you a wink.

“Okay, sure. I’ll see what I can whip up.”

“His heart thanks you,” you sighed, shaking your head and getting up from the counter. “I’ll be back tomorrow I’m sure,” leaving some cash on the counter you shouldered open the door, bell jingling brightly above you, and stepped out onto main street.

The sun was out, warming everything in the bright early morning light. You could already feel how it wanted to heat up, wanted to make your skin feel too hot and bright. Pink and red like ripe strawberries, wanted to kiss it and dot new freckles along your nose and cheeks. The ones you’d hated when you were younger, but liked now for whatever reason and even though it was September, summer was clinging on a bit longer refusing to let go, and down town was buzzing with activity. People were bustling around getting ready for the day, shops opening and setting out their signs on the sidewalk, pulling people in to browse and seek refuge in the late afternoon heat.

After the old antiques place closed up next to Family Video your dad was quick to jump on it and lease the space, seeing the potential it had and wanting to put action to his passion for books.

He and your mom divorced when you were young, too young to understand or ask questions or get lost in the whys and the only memory you had of her was a glowing, glittering thing. Dark, tight curls and lavender, eyes warm like burnt caramel, hugs pulled close and while you don’t remember you were at least thankful that it was a happy one.

Growing up you swore that love was real, swore you’d find someone to sweep you off your feet like they did in all those Disney movies, but as time spun on you realized that maybe love was a story people told themselves as a distraction. Like looking through magazines full of pictures of places far, far away and telling yourself someday you’d visit when you knew you really wouldn’t. Your dad, despite his own history, felt differently.

He thought love was a wonderful, all-consuming thing that wrapped itself around you like hot cocoa after being out in the snow. A beautiful give and take. Terrifying honesty and openness that would set you free once you surrendered and even though he had remained single after your mom he still believed it.

“Morning, bub! Oh coffee, thank god. And a cinnamon roll? Remind me to stop by the diner on the way home, Georgie’s a sweetheart.”

“Yeah well, I told her you don’t need anymore of this,” you said, shoving the box at him from across the front counter, “Or broken bones won’t be your only worry.”

“Hey, now. Let me have this,” he grumbled back, taking a drink of his coffee, but then his expression softened as realization came over him. “Ah, I forgot to tell you. It’s game night, so we’ll close up shop and just head over to the high school after,” he said casually, opening up the register.

“Game night?” you started, worried there was some weekly canasta game he’d failed to tell you about, but he laughed and waved you off.

“Game night. Basketball. You know, round orange ball? Throw it into a hoop?”

You firmed your lips into a line and rolled your eyes. “Yes. Okay. I get it. Are we cheering on anyone specific?” you asked expectantly, tossing your bag behind the counter, taking your name tag from the drawer and pinning it on your shirt.

“No, but if we didn’t go we’d be a disgrace to the whole community,” he stated very matter-of-factly and you shook your head.

“Okay, okay. Game night. Great, can’t wait.”

“Listen, I’ll buy us popcorn and soda and do the whole thing. Just like you’re back in high school,” he bribed and you looked at him skeptically over your shoulder.

“I don’t want to be back in high school.”

“C’mon, it wasn’t that bad was it? Besides, we’ll see a couple of your old friends I’m sure.”

“Friends?” you felt your stomach flip over at the sudden rush of memories that flooded your mind right there on the spot.

Red licorice, filling the van with hazy smoke, juice too sweet and mixed with bad vodka, late nights floating weightless in pools while the moon hung overhead.

“Yeah,” your dad’s face scrunched up in thought, digging for names, and when it finally hit him he jabbed a finger at you. “Eddie Munson for one! He’s around here. And that Buckley girl, she manages Family Video now and…” his eyes lifted to the ceiling, thinking, and then, “Oh! God, I need more coffee. Steve, Steve Harrington. He took the coaching job last year. Best one we’ve had in a long time.”

Steve.

Steve Harrington.

Your brain felt like it had disconnected from reality. Like it was scrambling to try and figure out what exactly your dad had just told you and the look on your face was apparently making that all too obvious.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I just thought you’d like to–”

“No! No that’s great,” you cut him off, trying to give him a big smile and thankfully he took it as you turned around to face the bookshelf again, “Can’t wait to catch up.”

Everything was a mixture of cheers and boos and the clock buzzing and the slap of the ball on the court and you tried to ground yourself in it all, but it felt like you were drowning. It was so familiar, but so foreign and as you watched the kids on the other side of the court you tried to remember what it was like. Laughing with each other or sneaking booze into paper soda cups or not caring at all being attached at the face in the stands.

You might have been able to get a grip on shit, might have waded through the night just fine, but there was something else that held you tight like a vice.

Messy brown hair, moles and freckles like tiny constellations scattered across his skin, the same old dirty pair of Blazers on his feet, the curve of his mouth, the way he propped his hand on his hip.

Steve.

Your best friend.

Was your best friend.

You knew you should’ve been watching the game, should’ve been paying attention so that you could hold at least a semi-decent conversation the next morning in the shop, but you couldn’t pull your eyes away.

Coach Harrington.

Was he the same as he’d been before you’d left? Smug and cocky, but all warm and soft underneath. Shotgunning a beer one minute and holding your hand tight and close in his the next. Singing loud enough in the car his voice cracked and broke until he fell apart into laughter and looked over at you with those eyes. Burnt caramel, warm honey, flecks of gold and green and deep and–

“Hell of a game! My god, paper’ll have a heck of an article tomorrow,” your dad’s voice shook you back to reality and when you looked back up at the scoreboard the time read 00:00.

“Yeah, yeah damn. Great game,” you laughed weakly and tried to smile at your dad, eyes flicking back over to the sidelines to see Steve and the rest of the team were gone. Because of course they were. The game was over.

“Well. Don’t feel like you gotta come straight home,” your dad said, giving your arm a squeeze, “I know you probably wanna catch up with your friends.”

“Dad–” you started, brows furrowing together as you pinched the bridge of your nose between your fingers, “I really don’t feel like we’re friends, it’s been years since–”

“Oh don’t be silly, time doesn’t matter,” he waved a hand dismissively at you and stood from the bench, a crutch under each arm, “Just go say hi already. Scaredy cat.”

“Excuse me–” you protested, offense all over your face as you got ready to dig into him, but it stalled on your lips as you heard the metal slam of a door across the gym. It was a knee jerk reaction to look up and as you did you wished you hadn’t.

Your eyes met Steve’s, his faded navy baseball hat working overtime to contain all that hair, and while it was only for a split second it felt like a lifetime. You’d been thinking all night about what you were going to do, what you’d say, and maybe you secretly hoped he’d give you a smile but you were met with something worse.

Indifference.

Not so much as a smile or a nod or half-hearted wave, his lips in a firm line, or was it a grimace? It couldn’t be, but then he was looking away and shoving open the gym door into the parking lot.

“Excuse you–” your dad retorted, but when you didn’t sass him back he waved a hand across your eye line. “Hey, you in there?”

“What?” fell out lamely and your head whipped back around.

“You were about to take me to school on something, but…” he drifted off, eyes flicking up to the door Steve had just left through.

“Oh, I just mean–it’s just–it’s been so long. You know? They’re probably busy and–”

“Bub, you don’t know until you try. You’re gonna want someone your own age to talk to while you’re in town. Look, I’m already driving you nuts,” he laughed and reached over to give your shoulder a little poke.

Rolling your eyes you jammed your hands into your pockets and jerked your head toward the door, “C’mon old man. You can drive me nuts at home.”

“Alright,” he chuckled and clumsily followed after, still getting the hang of his crutches. “But promise me you’ll get out every now and again while you’re here? Please?”

Looking down at the old gym floor covered in scuffs and dents and dings you sighed. Was this the wrong decision? Should you have stayed home? Just sent someone else to help out? “Okay. Sure. I promise,” you murmured opening the door for your dad and walking out into the night.

The next morning you were up again early, throwing on a pair of jeans and a band tee, Chucks beat up and snug on your feet. The exact opposite of what you were supposed to wear to work back in the city, but it was a surprisingly welcome change. No presentations to creative leadership, no manuscripts to screen, no deadlines and no phone on your desk ringing off the hook. Just the smell of books, the lilt of the bell on the door and too much time to think.

Think about last night. About how you still had nearly a month left in Hawkins. Had no idea how you were going to spend it and no idea why god’s name you were still thinking about him.

About Steve.

About the look, or non-look, he’d given you.

And while you couldn’t blame him, it didn’t make it sting any less.

Hand on your closet door you moved to shut it, but your eyes caught a flash of red. A box on the top shelf. You’d taken most everything with you when you moved to Indianapolis for college, but had apparently missed that.

Pulling it down you blew the dust off the top of it and lifted the lid slowly to find a pile of forgotten memories looking up at you. Throat tightening, a flood of unexpected emotions poured over you, wrapping themselves snug and warm around your heart.

Polaroids of a younger version of yourself grinning up through the frame, joint dangling from your lips, a pair of sunglasses perched on your nose. One of Steve and Eddie mid-jump into the quarry on the hottest day in July. Robin laughing, cheeks stuffed too-full with grapes on a dare to see how many she could fit in her mouth. Nancy’s tiny frame enveloped by Jonathan’s big arms, his hand outstretched to block the lens, both of them grinning like mad.

You felt a small laugh fall from your lips as you gently set the box on your bed, gathering the polaroids up and setting them aside to find more things at the bottom. An old half-smoked joint stub, a lighter, a button with “Nancy for President!” on it, movie tickets and a couple pieces of popcorn, an old Family Video name tag, and something bright hiding under a pair of 3D glasses. Reaching in, your fingers softly lifted it from the box.

Tiny little strings of thread twisted together in a messy braid. Your three favorite colors, purple, green and pink tangled together in a promise you’d made Steve all those summers ago and you felt your chest squeeze. Guilt. Regret.

“God, I’m terrible at this, it looks like shit,” Steve grumbled, tongue poking out between his lips in concentration as he tried to braid his strings together.

Both of you were sat on the floor of your room, knee to knee with your back against your bed, radio playing Pet Shop Boys in the background. The last rays of sunlight fell through your window and danced across the bare skin of your legs, fan on the ceiling pushing too-warm air around the room.

“It doesn’t look like shit, it’s fine–” you tried for reassurance, but the small smile playing on your lips gave you away.

“Fine. That’s not ‘good’ or ‘great’. It makes it sound like–” Steve started to protest, but then he glanced over to see your fingers deftly twisting together his favorite colors – yellow, blue and orange. “Christ, yes it does look like shit! Look at yours, are you kidding me?” he flung a hand out for emphasis and you let out a laugh.

“Shut up! I’ve been doing this since second grade or something stupid, cut yourself a break,” you reached across your lap to shove him, expression softening as he shook his head.

“No, no way. You can’t wear this. People will ask what idiot tried to make you a dumb friendship bracelet in the dark with two left hands,” and he started to ball it up, but your hands covered his, head dipping down to look at him properly.

“Steve, it’s not about what it looks like,” you chided gently and he huffed a sigh, but you gave him a little smile, “Best friends forever, right?”

“Best friends forever,” he mumbled back, your little motto, but when he looked up at you his frown softened.

Silence lingered then for a moment between the two of you, his eyes still looking into yours as you floated in the soft light that filled your room, your hands pressing into each other. The last bits of sun and summer holding you tight in its warmth.

Steve’s lips parted as he stared at you, the look in his eyes making you feel like all the air had been pulled from your lungs, like your room had fallen away and all that existed in that moment was you and Steve.

“D’you have to go?” he murmured.

“I–” you stuttered, suddenly unsure of your answer, waffling on what had been such a sure decision just a few of months ago. To get out of Hawkins. To find something new. Something away from Steve and leave all of this behind.

“Just stay.”

“Steve…” your voice was barely above a whisper, eyes looking and searching his as he untangled a hand from yours and settled it gently on your cheek.

“Stay,” he whispered and as he leaned in slow and steady you swore time stood still, his lips pressing into yours, warm and soft like they held summer and promises of forever.

“Didja fall in up there? Cos if you did, I can’t climb the stairs to help you, bub,” you sucked in a gasp, your dad’s voice pulling you out of the spiral you’d fallen into, tears welling up at the corners of your eyes. Hastily wiping your arms across your face you tossed the bracelet back into the box and shut the lid, shoving it back up on the shelf you’d found it on.

“Yeah! Sorry, just trying to find my other shoe,” you lied, voice wobbling a little as you hurried over to your dresser mirror to make sure you didn’t look like you’d been crying.

“Alright, meet you at the car!” he called up the stairs and you took in a breath, trying to steady yourself.

“It’s fine. You’re fine,” you whispered to your reflection.

And somehow you’d managed to gather yourself together before hopping into your rental car, driving you and your dad down the road to the diner for coffee before work. The sun was out again, but it didn’t hold as much heat as it had the day before and you opted to open the windows instead of cranking the AC.

“You sure you want it hot?” you asked your dad, shifting into park at the curb.

“Yes, I’m sure. Coffee is brewed hot, why would you cool it down?” he shot back indignantly and you huffed a laugh.

“Alright, no one’s judging, I just–” shutting your door you poked your head in through the window, “–it’s gonna be warm again today. Cold is nice sometimes!”

“Hot, please!” your dad yelled after you as you pulled the diner door open, waving him off with a dismissive hand.

“Mornin’, hon! The usual?” Georgie greeted you warmly, earrings dangling past her jawline and bright in the light from the windows.

“Yes, please, but make mine cold if you can?”

Saddling up at the counter, your fingers idly flipped the plastic pages of one of the menus while you waited, the sound of bacon sizzling in the kitchen. It was odd, the comfort this place offered you, but it was needed this morning and you settled into it easily like a warm hug. Like seeing an old friend and you were so content you didn’t hear the bell on the door ring behind you, but the voice that followed was louder than your heart pounding against your ribcage.

“Gigi! Need a coffee and bacon, egg on toast to-go this morning.”

You nearly fell off your stool to hide under the bar, but opted instead to be an adult and hide your face behind your arm, propping an elbow on the counter and tossing your gaze off in the opposite direction.

“Stevie! Lord have mercy, that game gave me a couple of new gray hairs,” the older woman teased playfully and the laugh he gave back made your stomach flip over.

“Sorry, we’ll do better next time, promise.”

“Good, you better. S’on me this morning.”

“G, you don’t have to do that–”

“Yes, I do! Don’t you fight me on that, I’ve got a mean south paw.”

Steve laughed again and you wanted to die as he sat on the stool one over from you, drumming his fingers on the counter and shaking his head, “Okay, okay. You win.”

“That’s right. I do,” and Georgie busied herself with getting his coffee, barking back his order to the cooks just as yours came through the bus window.

Shit. No way to leave undetected now.

“Alright, sweets. Here’s your dad’s coffee and I had Hal whip up a little whole wheat toast with scrambled eggs. Better than a cinnamon roll?” Georgie gave you a very pleased look and you felt like you were going to collapse in on yourself as you moved your hand away from your face to take the two coffees and box of food.

“Thanks, Georgie,” you mumbled sheepishly, keeping your eyes straight ahead, but you could feel him looking at you.

Clearing your throat you left a wad of cash on the counter before turning to leave, looking everywhere except that damn stool. You made it halfway to the door before his voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Thought that was you.”

Your breath caught in your throat and you wished running out of the diner had been an acceptable response to both the panic rising in your chest and Steve’s clipped tone, but you didn’t and instead turned around to finally face him.

“In the flesh,” you joked lamely and immediately wanted to kick yourself.

He was studying you as though he were looking for something. Eyes still warm like honey, mouth firmed in the same line they’d been pursed into the night before, brows unamused and pulled in at the middle. He didn’t laugh.

“Had enough of the ‘big city’?” he mocked, tongue jamming into his cheek as he watched you uncomfortably shift your feet on the checkered tile floor.

“Yeah, smells worse than cow shit if you can believe it,” you were shocked at how quickly you were thinking on your feet and almost grinned at him, but his reply knocked you down a peg or two.

“I could’ve told you that,” he grumbled, turning in his stool to look back at Georgie, the older woman flicking her eyes back and forth between the two of you like she was watching a tennis match. In fact most everyone else in the diner was watching now and you felt heat rise in your cheeks.

“Well, I’ll be here all month, so knock yourself out,” and before he could throw anything back at you, you hurried out the door to the car and didn’t look back.

The conversation with Steve, if you could even call it that, was all you could think about for the rest of the day and your dad knew something was up, but he didn’t push you on it. You had to go back and fix the books you’d put in the wrong place in your mess of distraction after lunch and when you finally came around the back of the counter to get a drink of what was mostly melted ice now than iced coffee, your dad gently prodded.

“Georgie say anything this morning?”

“Yeah. Said she’s only feeding you whole wheat toast from now on, so get used to it,” you grumbled and he smiled, gently grabbing your hand before you could stalk away to hide in the rows of books.

“Did anything else come up?” he fixed you with an expectant look and you frowned.

“No.”

“No?”

Closing your eyes you loosed a sigh and put your face in your hands. “Everyone here hates me,” came out muffled through your fingers and your dad let out a belly laugh.

“Hates you? Says who?”

“Everyone.”

“Bub, no one hates you,” he reached over to yank your hands away from your face and gave you one of his I’m dad, listen to me looks.

“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one running away from shit,” you argued back, folding your arms tight across your chest and his expression softened.

“Least you came back? I’d say that takes some courage,” he countered, lifting his brows for emphasis and poking you gently with the end of one of his crutches.

You frowned and he laughed again, reaching over to pull you into hug. “Listen. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Most of the time these things are cleared up with a simple conversation,” he said, holding you out at arm’s length.

“Simple conversation? Yeah I don’t think so–”

“You haven’t even tried,” he cut you off and gave you a stern look, “Y’know, I’m not as dumb as I look.”

“I didn’t say that–”

“Promise me you’ll talk to him. Even if it sucks at first, just try it.”

You sharply exhaled a short puff of air through your nose, looking down at the floor not wanting to give in, but you could feel your dad staring holes into you.

“Fine. Fine. I’ll try,” you conceded, kicking a toe into the base of the counter and your dad shoved your shoulder playfully.

“That’s the ticket, and you know I’m always here for advice,” he wiggled his eyebrows at you and you rolled your eyes, a small smile playing on your lips.

“No offense, but no thanks,” you teased, walking back to keep stocking the shelves and he called after you.

“I’m like, twenty-two years older than you are! I know a lot!”

“Sure you do, dad! I’m sure you do.”

Cleared up with a simple conversation.

Sure. Right. Of course. But where were you supposed to even have said conversation? How were you supposed to ask Steve if he wanted to talk? Just waltz up to him on the street and casually see if he wanted to have a sit down with you? There was no way you were going to be able to muster up the courage to approach him at the diner and after that fated morning you made sure to arrive before or after he grabbed his usual 7:30am pick-up.

It wasn’t until you were closing up shop again on Friday that your dad reminded you of the plans you’d made. Well, that Hawkins had made for you.

“Better giddy up, gonna miss tip off,” your dad was digging around in the counter drawer for the keys as you finished sweeping the entryway.

“Tip off?”

“Yeah,” he stopped his search long enough to give you a look and then went back to digging, “Game night.”

Oh, fuck. Right. Game night. Because all of Hawkins shut down at five on Fridays for basketball and god forbid you miss it.

“Think I’ll stay home,” you mumbled, eyes on the floor, but you could feel the judgement your dad was throwing across the shop at you.

“And miss out on quality time with your old man? Before I’m all wrinkly and need an actual wheel chair?”

“That’s not fair,” you flicked your eyes up to frown at him, pointing a finger for emphasis and he grinned.

“You drive, I’m a little–” he shook a crutch at you and it was like you could physically feel yourself giving in.

“As soon as you get rid of those? I’m gone,” you grumbled and he laughed, an Aha! coming from behind the counter as he finally yanked the keys from the drawer.

“Lock up, I’ll start hobbling,” tossing the keys at you, you barely caught them and as soon as his back was turned you stuck out your tongue. What? Maturity is overrated.

The gym was packed. Your dad had failed to mention Hawkins was playing their rival team from the next town over and you tried to get a grip on shit. It took everything in you to not look at Steve as the starting line up was introduced, and you managed somehow, but once the game started you couldn’t help yourself.

Stealing a glance, you felt your pulse flutter against your neck. God he looked good. Same faded navy baseball cap snug over his mess of brown hair, hand propped on his hip as he yelled plays from the sidelines, jaw clenched on the wad of gum in his mouth and you grumbled under your breath, but your heart told a different story as it hammered against your ribs.

You sat with your arms folded across your chest, determined to be unhappy and miserable for the entirety of the game, but somehow every time Hawkins made a three-pointer or nailed all of their free throws after a foul you felt yourself softening until there were only two minutes left. The game was all tied up and you were a screaming mess.

“C’mon!” you yelled, hands cupped around your mouth as you stood up with the rest of the fans, “I can play better than these guys!”

Your dad had to bite back a laugh as he did his best to ignore you, trying not to bring attention to how invested you’d become. The rival team hit another bucket from the three-point line and you groaned along with everyone else, Hawkins down by two with 0:30 on the clock.

The point guard on the other team called a timeout and usually everyone would sit down, but the entire gym was still on their feet, anxious and watching as time ran out quickly.

Steve huddled his team up, gathering them around his clipboard and you craned your neck to try and see what was jotted down, but it was covered up by all the heads in the way. Watching as he talked to the boys you noticed how he was firm, but still soft. Decided, but encouraging, and when the buzzer went off you could just make out what he yelled at the team.

“Remember, it’s not about what it looks like! Long as you’re trying!”

Your breath caught in your throat.

It’s not about what it looks like.

Your words.

And you were so caught up in it all you didn’t hear the crowd when Hawkins hit the last three-pointer to end the game with a win. Didn’t hear your dad cheering next to you so loudly his voice cracked. Didn’t feel the bleachers shaking with all the jumping and bustling about. All you could see was Steve and as the team rushed him after the win he looked up and met your gaze, a flicker of a smile twitching at the corners of his lips.

“A photo finish, scout!” your dad grabbed your shoulder, other hand throwing a fist into the air, “Good game, boys!”

“Oh,” fell out, the sound of everything rushing back in against your eardrums, and you quickly put your fingers to your mouth to whistle, “Good game, Tigers!”

“Still don’t have to come home right away,” your dad was looking back over at you with a knowing smile on his face, “Georgie’ll give me a ride.”

You bit in your bottom lip, wishing you were unsure of what you wanted, but your eyes looked over at Steve and you knew what your answer was going to be.

Simple conversation.

“Yeah. Alright. I’ll stay, but don’t get too excited,” you grumbled, cramming your hands into the pockets of your jeans as the gym started to clear out.

“Great! I mean–cool,” your dad tried to recover, tried to not sound too excited, but his outburst gave him away. The next look you fixed him with was enough of a cue and he hobbled away after Georgie, making his way out with the rest of the crowd and leaving you there awkwardly in the stands.

Your eyes scanned the gym and couldn’t find Steve, but it was the same as it’d happened last time. He was gone soon as the game finished and then reappeared after a little while. Probably giving the boys a post-game run down or something, so you tried to make yourself look busy.

Reading the plaques on the walls, looking at the Hawkins hall-of-fame jerseys hung up in the rafters, the signed championship balls in cases along the walls, including the one signed by Lucas Sinclair.

A smile pulled at your lips and you put a hand on the glass, reading all the names one at at time, pausing just a little longer at Lucas’ signature. He was always so sweet.

“Taking a stroll down memory lane?” someone spoke up behind you, startling you a bit as you sucked in a gasp, and when you turned around to see who it was you wished you hadn’t.

Steve’s voice was a little less harsh than it’d been earlier in the week, but he still wasn’t smiling as he stood there in the empty gym looking at you like he was trying to dissect things and you felt your chest squeeze.

“High school, the best days of your life,” you mock swooned and he cracked just a tiny bit, the smallest little smirk, and you held onto it. Tucked it into your back pocket and saved it for later.

“Yeah. Bunch of bullshit if you ask me,” he retorted, feeding off your sarcasm and then turned abruptly and walked out the side door.

You stood there for a minute, confused. Didn’t he just agree with you? But then he was poking his head back in through the doorway, looking expectantly at you with those warm, brown eyes.

“Are you coming or…?”

Shit, you muttered and half-jogged to catch up as he disappeared out of view of the door frame.

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Chapter 8: June - Part 4 [NSFW]

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence, light assault, uhhh- sex? idk how to tag this kind of stuff. SPEAKING OF...

☾ Author's note ➼ Hehe, hi! I bet y'all never thought you'd see this tag OR BANNER on here ever. Tbh, I thought I would never see this tag or banner on any of my writings. But uhhhh- here we are! If it isn't obvious, this is my first time EVER writing smut. I've never even written self-indulgent smut before because it is REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DO. That's mainly why this chapter took so long (I'M SORRY); I wanted to make sure it was perfect. If you're a minor and read the smut I will find you and cut you! Hehe. Anyways. Again, I am so sorry this chapter took so long!! I've hit quite a rut in my life and I'm just really glad to have gotten it done in the first place. Let me know what y'all think!! ALSO CAN Y'ALL BELIEVE THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE PART LEFT HOLD ME I'M CRYING

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k

The visual of Levi’s bewilderment haunts you just as much as the feeling of his lips on yours does. You’re not sure why you thought kissing your friend would be a good idea at all. Regret gnaws at you as you find yourself in a vicious cycle of rumination.

But it wasn’t all regret, was it? You wanted to kiss him. And you liked it.

Maybe it wasn’t regret at all, actually. What you really felt in your core was disappointment. At yourself for not thinking before acting and at him for not responding the way you inwardly hoped he would. If Levi’s cold shoulder this morning wasn’t proof enough, you don’t know what was.

“Love?” Hange’s voice cuts through the white noise reverberating through your skull. Slowly, you turn to where your sister currently sits with light green paste smeared all over their face. You blink the glassiness away and raise an eyebrow at them – which is a little hard to do as you have the same paste smudged on your face that is in the process of drying.

“Were you listening at all?” Concerned eyes bore into yours. You’d say you were thankful for the green tea facial that covers the dark circles under your lashes, but you knew Hange had noticed the moment they laid eyes on you today. They click their tongue and sit upright in your direction.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

‘What do you mean?’

“You look like you didn’t sleep a wink last night and you have been out of it all day. What are you thinking about?”

‘It’s nothing. Just had trouble sleeping.’

“You’re only restless when you have something on your mind.”

You stick your bottom lip out. In truth, you really did want to talk about it, but you weren’t sure what you wanted to say. Hange wasn’t the type to let things go when it came to you though, especially when you’re distressed. You’d need to say something now whether you liked it or not.

‘I like Levi.’ You sign quickly, averting your gaze from the piercing light-brown eyed stare burning holes in your face. You sigh softly and tuck your chin in the white fluffy robe that wraps around your body, ignoring the fact that you’re wiping the face mask off into the fabric as you do. It takes them a moment to realize you’re not planning on saying anything else.

“And that’s upsetting?” They laugh and relax back into the plush cushions. “That’s nothing new. I’ve known for a long time.”

Your eyes cut over to Hange again at that, wide in shock.

‘You knew? How? Since when?’

“I know when someone’s smitten. And you my darling? You are smitten like a kitten.” They roll their head in your direction as they speak, eyes sparkling. “Probably since February.”

Was it that early?

‘Can you be specific?’ You feel your face heat up from under the thick mask.

“If only you had a mirror. You should see the way you look at Levi. It’s so obvious, even Nanaba picked up on it.” They smirk as they twist in your direction, resting their chin on a hand that sits propped up on the armrest. A wide smile carved up and into their eyes.

“What happened last night anyways that made you discover this known secret?” Hange already knew, they had to have. Their demeanor changed from worried to curious in the blink of an eye.

‘Nothing.’ You sit back in a huff, closing your eyes.

You hear Hange sigh softly but doesn’t press for the next half hour. Your body sinks deeper into the plush massage chair as your head sits back on the head rest. Off to the side, you hear the soft babbling of the fountain piece that pairs wells with the gentle spa music that floats from the ceiling speakers down to your ears. Your brain wanders and you feel the heaviness that comes with sleep about to settle in.

“Excuse me?” A sudden voice startles you. You pop an eye open to see a spa employee in mint robes standing in front of the chairs you and Hange were relaxing in. “It’s time to move on to the hot pools, are you both ready?”

“Oh yes!! I’ve been looking forward to this part.” Hange exclaims, practically throwing themselves out of the chair.

The steamy mineral water stings your skin upon first contact. It wasn't uncomfortably hot, but it was close. It takes you a few seconds to get used to it and before you know it, you’re sinking low until your nose is submerged. Only your eyes and up show, like a crocodile floating as it hunts. You had put your hair up so that it wouldn’t get wet, but a few loose strands decide they want to get wet anyways as they float around your face.

Your sister, on the other hand, does not take the gentle approach. Before you know it, they’re running down the ramp ass naked. They throw themselves into the water when they get deep enough, throwing water straight in your face. Luckily, the pools are slotted out by appointments so it’s just the two of you in the small, enclosed room. They disappear for a second, submerged in the water leaving only ripples behind that float across the top.

“Are you going to tell me what happened now?” Hange’s low voice comes from right next to you, causing your heart to skip a beat. Despite the unnerving crawl of your skin, you side eye them and shake your head.

Their words bounce around in your skull. If even Nanaba picked it up, that would mean Levi knew too, right? Is that why he brushed you off this morning? This wouldn’t be the first time that he’s held things back from you, but you hoped that had changed in the last handful of months. A fleeting thought of going to him first zooms through your mind and disappears just as quickly.

“Did he kiss you?” Hange’s voice is so close that you feel the heat of their breath blowing right against your ear. You push back from instinct, swatting the water and subsequently splashing them in the face.

“Oh my, he definitely did. Look at your face!” Hange muses as they tread up closer to your face and there’s half a foot between noses. You shove at the tops of their shoulders and blow them a raspberry. They were ever persistent.

‘If you must know, he didn’t kiss me.’ You’re suddenly focused on the waterspout sitting opposite of you on the wall.

“Damn. I was rea-“

‘I kissed him.’

“Wha-?! You?!”

Without another word, you turn your back on their open-mouthed stare and head for the sitting ledge in the back corner. Steam rises off your warm skin as you do, merging easily with the rest of the hot air. Hange follows, mumbling under their breath as they process the news. When you twist to sit down, you’re face to face with Hange as they squat into the water across from you.

“I��m guessing by your reactions, it didn’t go well?”

‘He pulled away and gave me a weird look.’

“What did he say after?”

You don’t answer that, instead you slide into the water until you’re halfway submerged again. The hot water tingles against your raw face, making you wince until the uncomfortable feeling subsides. A few bubbles burst on the surface from your released huff.

“You didn’t give him a chance to, did you?” They raise an eyebrow at you. The amusement that tugged at their features melted away to reveal concern. You raise your hands out of the water, water droplets falling back in with little splashes.

‘He pulled away quickly and gave me a look that didn’t really scream “yay”. What was I supposed to do?’

“Sit and talk to him like the adult you are?” More bubbles pop at the surface as your eyes narrow at them.

‘What if he doesn’t want to talk? Or even see me? Or be my friend anymore?’

“Well, did he kiss back?”

‘I don’t know. I can’t remember. A lot was happening.’

“I imagine he did. He likes you too, you know.”

You roll your eyes at that. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. But that doesn’t change the shocked expression that he stared at you with before you ran off for the night. You feel the pressure of his lips on your mouth again and it makes your heart skip a beat. How confusing this all was.

“Want me to make him talk to you?” Hange says with a smirk on their lips.

‘Don’t even think about it. He’ll just kill both of us.’ You flick water in their direction at which they chuckle at it.

“Just give it some time, you’ll figure it out. But probably not too much time because this was a friend group before you both decided to catch feelings and I will not have this group break apart because you both want to be teenagers about it all.” They shrug their shoulders at that.

‘What happens if we never talk again?’

“Not allowed. I’ll lock you two in a room if I have to. Oh wait, maybe I should do that? Then you’ll either talk, fight, or kiss again.” They ramble on, tapping a forefinger on their chin as they think. Their eyes shoot over to yours, wide and full of excitement.

“If you both start dating, it’s for the long run by the way. Marriage or nothing. I can’t risk the friend group falling apart.” They joke. Part of you thinks there’s a bit of truth in their words but you let it slide. The prospect of marriage though? Was it your face heating up at the thought or the hot water?

You give them an exasperated look despite it all, offering them a thumbs down as well.

“I’m only half joking. You and him will figure something out eventually. Who knows, maybe it’s all a misunderstanding! You’re shy and he’s… well. Him. Maybe you just need to make the first move.” They offer you a small smile, their eyes softening again.

That fleeting thought from earlier comes back. Again, Hange’s words held some truth as they always do. You already made the first move and that didn’t work out the way you planned. But If Levi didn’t know to come to you, maybe you would have to open that door for him, granted he doesn’t slam it in your face. You decide you’ll do what you can to pull him aside tonight.

Much to your dismay, the appointment ends too quickly. Fortunately, Hange kept up with their promise of taking you shopping since there were a few hours until it was time to meet up with the boys who were no doubt still out golfing. You laugh at the idea of Levi standing on the greens with a signature bored expression, but then you remember you were supposed to be anxious. You don’t know what you’re going to say to him.

After a while, you forget your worries for a time. Hange finds a really nice pantsuit that frames their tall body well. You found a simple sundress that frills out on your waist in a color that your sister exclaimed matched your eyes so well. And it was nice being able to chat, that feeling of dread that coursed through your veins like ice forgotten.

That is until you’re standing in front of Levi with your hands twisting in each other – a nervous habit you picked up just recently. The fabric of your dress feels like it’s digging into your skin as you stand awkwardly, your heart feeling as if it might explode. He doesn’t even look your way, eyes glued to his phone as he mindlessly scrolls. The idea of getting him to talk to you falters.

He's wearing a slate gray dress shirt in a complementary shade for his eyes. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows neatly. The rest of his outfit is clean yet casual and perfect for the place Erwin had reserved. Some of his hair falls in his face as he continues to look down, ignoring the fact that Erwin was calling everyone to attention.

“Are we ready to go? The taxi is here.” Erwin gives you and Hange a once over when he looks up from his phone. “Wow, you both look like you had a good day - practically glowing.” He gives you a beaming smile and you force one back in return, feeling the quivering of your muscles as your lips pull back.

Levi glances up finally and his dark eyes scan the room. When they land on you, they linger for a second longer before he looks away as he pulls himself up from the barstool. You did not miss the subtle surprise that flashed across his face as well as his eyes flickering down to the sakura necklace you put back on for this evening. You had taken it off the last few days to keep it safe, something you were not used to doing before. You almost sighed in relief when you felt the familiar and subtle weight around your neck again.

The car ride to the restaurant was fortunately short but to you, it was agonizing the whole time. Erwin opted for the front seat to help direct the driver so that left you, Hange, and Levi in the back. Your sister forced you in the middle and they claimed it was for safety reasons but you knew better.

Your almost bare thigh sits against Levi’s after you all piled in, snug as can be. You pull your arms together so that you’re not squishing into Levi any more than you have to. He’s facing the window, arm propped up and leaning against it as he looks out. You spend the whole ride rehearsing what you wanted to say to him.

When the taxi parks in front of the restaurant, you take a deep breath. It was now or never, you tell yourself. You force yourself out of Levi’s side after he slides out, having to push the door as he almost shuts it in your face.

You’re able to reach far enough to grab his wrist to make him stop and he spins on you quickly, eyes flaring with annoyance – barely softening when he notices it’s you. It takes all of your strength to keep your fingers latched on to him despite the look on his face. After a moment, he helps you out of the car with that same hand, making sure to keep you steady as you almost trip on the curb.

‘Can we talk?’ You sign quickly.

He considers you, eyebrows pinched the way they do.

“Tch. We don’t have time, Hange and Erwin are waiting for us.” He finally grumbles back, eyes aimed at the retreating figures now walking through the double glass doors. He turns on his heels and leaps up the stairs, leaving you and your hurt feelings at the bottom.

So much for trying.

Even in your sour mood, you still appreciate how beautiful the restaurant is from the outside. It’s very high end with a large crystal chandelier peeping out of the tall windows that make up the majority of the front wall. The railings of both sides of the stairs are adorned with growing vines and colorful flowers. A simple sign in neat cursive hangs above the front doors, reading ‘La Crevette’. You raise an eyebrow at that but say nothing before making your way into the air-conditioned interior alone.

The inside is even better. The gold inlay that decorates the white marble adds a delicate and elegant tone. On the walls sit ceiling high mirrors that you can’t help but stare in as your eyes scan the new surroundings. You catch Levi’s eyes in the reflection before he turns away to follow the hostess who is now leading you all to your designated table.

To say that the atmosphere at the table was so tense you could cut it with a knife would have been an understatement. You find yourself sitting across from Levi - at least 5 feet away. The chill emanating from him makes you shiver and you wish you had brought a jacket with you.

Orders were already taken so now you sit in silence as Hange and Erwin compare the activities they both did today. Levi’s fingers drum against the clothed table as he stares out the window to the left of you. It looks out into the ocean, the setting sun painting the sky, those beautiful oranges and pinks that you liked so much. You fidget with the napkin that sits across your lap in tight fingers as you stare. Erwin calls your name.

“So how did you like the spa? Did they take care of you as well?” His clear eyes stare into yours with interest.

You smile politely and nod, signing along saying ‘They did, it was quite luxurious. Thank you for setting it up for us.’ He smiles back and chuckles.

“Hange said the baths were really nice. We might have to stop by one before we leave town, huh Levi?” The attention is now diverted onto a very bored looking Levi. He only hums in response, shrugging his shoulders as well.

‘You look like you got quite a bit of sun today.’ Your smile wavers as you eye him. There’s a soft flush across his cheeks as well as his nose and forehead. His gaze flickers up to you and you think you spot conflict in his steely eyes.

“I forgot a hat.” He says back, his curt tone a little too sharp for you. You pretend to not hear it. Your eyes fall onto your water glass after that, Hange and Erwin going back to talking about the other things they did today.

By the time dinner comes and disappears, the tense atmosphere barely stagnates. You sense Erwin and Hange can feel it too, but they don’t say anything. The only things you’re given are looks, ranging from curiosity to what you imagine is understanding. You don’t blame them though, this is really something that you and Levi need to hash out. Anxiety gnaws at your chest as you continue to pull on the thin fabric of your dress.

Eventually, the waiter comes with the check and hands it over to Erwin per his request - you all knew better than to argue with him about it. When Erwin hands the black book back with his card of choice, the waiter takes it and leans over to start gathering dishes out of the way. As he reaches from behind you, the feeling of his sleeve brushing against the side of your neck makes you stiffen up. When he pulls away, a small pop resonates by your ear.

The lack of weight around your neck is instantaneous. You watch in silent horror at your favorite necklace plopping into your lap softly. Everything goes quiet as you pick up the chain in shaky fingers, almost losing the sakura pendant as you do. The sight of the delicate golden chain now broken in a place that would not be an easy fix makes you feel like someone is stepping on your chest - crushing you.

You feel hot tears rolling down your face and you blink hard a few times. You’re in too much shock to make a sound. The waiter’s incessant apologies come muffled as realization dawns on you. You should have kept it tucked away and safe. You shouldn’t have kissed Levi. This necklace is you and Levi right now. Broken necklace, broken friendship. Your fault. All of it is your fault.

Placing it on the table gently, you force another sweet smile, one that closes your eyes and you feel more tears pressing out as you do.

‘I’m going to get some air.’ You sign.

Before anyone can protest, you push your chair out and away from the table, bumping into the still apologizing waiter. You sign a few hard apologies yourself before running down the ramp to the host station and out the front doors. Your feet take off down the street in the direction of the condo, tears streaming still but not a single sob escaping your lips.

A hand closes around your wrist, the force of your speed almost knocking you back as someone holds you still. The firm grip is telling enough that you don’t have to look around to see who it is, but you do anyway. Levi is out of breath from running after you, chest heaving and hair windswept.

“Where are you going?” His voice is stern and laced with annoyance.

You only shake your head in response, still feeling the tears rolling down your cheeks and off your chin. You have no energy left for a fake smile and his subtle annoyance feels like another knife in the chest. You’re not sure if it was the exhaustion, the necklace, or Levi, but you feel inexplicable rage boiling over. Ripping your arm out of his grip, you start signing roughly.

‘Why are you here?’

“I’m worried about you. You’re upset.” His steely eyes cut into yours, narrowing.

‘You could have fooled me. It seems to me you want nothing to do with me, ignoring me the way you have all day. What do you want?’ He flinches at that, surprised by your less than normal aggression.

“I-I’m sorry. I just don’t…” He runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it back and out of his face. He stumbles through his words, something you’ve never seen him do. But you can’t think about that right now, your patience is thinning and you can’t face him if he still refuses to acknowledge the hurt he’s dealt to you even if he didn’t realize it.

‘‘I can’t fix it.’ You sign shakily, fingers fumbling over each other.

“I’ll take a look at it. And if it’s not fixable, I can just get you a new one.” It dawns on you that Levi doesn’t understand, and you’re not certain if he ever did.

‘I’m not talking about the necklace, Levi!’ You’re in the middle of the sidewalk slamming your hands together as people rush past you two. As always, it feels as if it’s just you and Levi and everyone else are blurring streaks in the background. This time, it doesn’t feel as pleasant.

He doesn’t say anything back, choosing to stare with his lips parted as if he wanted to.

‘Why won’t you just talk to me? I thought you trusted me with yourself.’

“I do. Trust you, I mean.”

‘Then talk to me!’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘Right.’ You don’t give Levi a chance to refute as you turn around swiftly and start off in the direction of the condo, head hung low as you do your best to sniffle quietly. Fortunately, no one looks your way as you shuffle down the sidewalk.

Different layers of pain pile on your shoulders and you’re not sure how you’re going to get out from under them. The worst of them all seems to seep into your heart in a heavy way, weighing you down so much that you’re surprised you make it back to the elevator of the condo without collapsing. When the doors shut in front of you, you allow yourself to finally fall apart like you’ve been wanting to all day, sobs racking from deep within your chest.

The moment you get into the bedroom, you slam the door behind you and prep for bed. The lingering sunlight filters through the room, painting the room gold. You didn’t care what time it was, you just knew you were ready to pass out from the day.

As you loosen your hair from the multitude of pins sticking in it, you stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Your eyes are bloodshot, the skin around them puffy. At least you don’t have to do much since your tears broke down most of the makeup already, only needing the gentle swipe of a cloth. The moment after you slip on your sleepwear, you toss yourself into the soft sheets of your temporary bed and curl in on yourself.

The hurt from last night comes back tenfold. Only this time, frustration burns under your skin. Before you know it, nightmares come to you in the form of dark slate grays.

The next time your eyes open, they’re met with darkness. You’re not sure if the moon decided to stay away or if the clouds had rolled in during your slumber, but regardless your vision is pitch-black. Soft snoring to your right indicates that Hange had made it back and is currently deep in sleep. You vaguely recall hearing them calling out to you when they came back shortly after you fell asleep.

Rolling onto your back, you are greeted with the dim red light from the alarm clock illuminating the ceiling. You imagine it’s quite late in the night considering how refreshed you feel despite the lingering melancholy from dinner.

With a huff, you sit up and swing your legs off the bed. Your bare feet hit the cool, hard floor and you make quick yet quiet work of sneaking out of the bedroom. You know Hange could sleep through anything, but you did not want to suffer on the off-chance they woke up – you were not prepared to face them right now.

After closing the bedroom door, you pad over to the fridge and pull it open. The only drink options were a couple of beers and a handful of caffeinated sodas. You wish you had a cup of Levi’s tea in your hands, but instead you opt for water from the filtered pitcher. After taking a tentative sip of it, you decide that going back to sleep was not an option for you. You kick yourself for potentially screwing up your sleep schedule for the rest of the trip but that was a problem for future you.

With a cold glass in hand, you step over to the plush couch and sink into it. Grabbing the remote in the other, you turn it on and flinch as you’re met with a loud commercial about an action movie coming out soon. Quickly, you turn the volume down to one and sit still as you listen for any sounds of your roommates – luckily it stays silent. You sigh softly.

You pull over a blanket from the other side of the couch and tuck yourself in. You let your mind wander for a bit as a random movie starts to play, the low volume buzzing in the background. Thankfully, your thoughts stay away from Levi. That is, until you watch as a teacup is placed down on the glass coffee table in front of you with a clink as well as delicate fingers pulling away from the handle.

Blinking the glassiness from your vision, your eyes trail up the muscular arm that belongs to a weary-eyed Levi. His gaze shifts away quickly as he lowers himself on the other side of the couch as far as possible from you. He lifts his own teacup to his lips and takes a small sip, eyes forward on the movie ahead.

He doesn’t say anything to you, which you’re not certain if you should be grateful for, or annoyed. You were thinking about wanting some of his tea earlier, but now that it’s here, you’re torn between indulging him or not. As your eyes narrow on the steam that rises off the amber liquid, Levi pipes up finally.

“I didn’t poison it, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He mumbles. You flicker your eyes over to him, but his gaze stays glued to the TV in front.

You let out a soft huff and reach for it, taking the handle in between two fingers and pulling it up to your mouth. Upon the first sip, you withhold a sigh of content. Levi always knew how to make a mean cup of tea. But you won’t say that to him right now. You’re still fuming, tea or no. With that thought, you down it the best you can despite the scorching heat of it as it burns itself down to the pit of your stomach.

You stand when you’ve finished, placing the cup back onto the saucer and then turning around to fold the blanket back up. The space is turning tense by the second and you don’t want to deal with this right now. After placing the blanket on the armrest, you reach down to grab your tea set as well as Levi’s, but his hand stops you as his fingers close around your wrist once again.

“Stay. Please? I want to talk.” You side eye him, noting the nervousness in his eyes. If it wasn’t for that, you would have stormed off. For once, it seems Levi is ready to talk, and whether you were ready or not, you needed to listen.

Setting the saucers back down, you sit on the other side of the couch again, facing him with your arms placed over your chest. Only now do you realize you’re still in a nightgown that barely covers your ass and no bra. Trying to be natural about it, you grab the pillow that sits in the middle of the cushion and pull it to your chest to cover up.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He rubs the back of his neck as he watches you. His anxiety looks like it’s about to overflow.

‘Is that really all you want to talk about? Small talk?’

“No! Of course not.” He grumbles. He mirrors you, folding his arms across his chest. He’s getting defensive again.

‘Then what do you want?’ You click your tongue in annoyance.

“I don’t know wha-…” He falters.

‘You do know what you want. You just won’t say it.’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘But you know, don’t you? What is holding you back? What is making this so difficult for you to talk to me?’ Your signs come out more forceful than you meant.

His arms fall into his lap as his focus darts to the tv off to the side. You eye him warily and purse your lips while you wait for him to continue, which he does after sighing heavily in frustration.

“I’m afraid, okay? I’ve never felt so conflicted about stuff like this before. But I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you all day. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you, I just didn’t know how to face you. Or what to even say to you.”

“I’m sorry.” he says quietly, shifting his gaze back to your face.

The look in his eyes is chock-full of anxiety and panic. Your fingers are flying before you can stop them. The strong walls of anger you had put up for protection start crumbling away, making room for disappointment as well as regret for making him feel this way.

‘I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry to have caused you so much strife.’ You bite the inside of your cheek.

Levi scoffs at that, his gray eyes cutting over to you, narrowing. He doesn’t say anything right away, instead using this moment to shift on the couch until his knees are against his chest as he faces you a couple feet away.

“Don’t be sorry.” He whispers finally, dark eyes piercing into yours.

‘You’ve been brushing me off all day. It’s because I kissed you when I shouldn’t have. You hate me. And you regret it even now.’ You feel the tears from earlier start to well again, but you refuse to let them spill in front of Levi.

“Why would I hate you?”

‘I just feel like I ruined our friendship with my actions, and you wouldn’t talk to me about it so I also feel like you want nothing to do with me because of it.’

“I don’t hate you.” He mutters, eyes shifting away before jumping back to yours. “I could never hate you.”

‘Then why won't you talk to me?’

Levi gets up abruptly and starts pacing back and forth in front of you with his shaky fingers raking through his hair. The anxiety radiating off him is palpable.

“It’s hard to put into words.” Levi says simply. A scowl appears as he pinches the bridge of his nose between fingers. He continues to pace, eyes half closed as he mutters to himself. You hear something about ‘not being used to this’ and ‘being blindsided’.

You lean forward and grab his pant leg with tight fingers. His sweatpants’ waistband slides down his hip from the sudden force of your grip, immobilizing him unless he wanted them pulled down any further. His steely eyes snap to your troubled expression and he softens immediately, hands dropping to his sides.

‘Just try.’ You give him your best pleading eyes, bottom lip jutting out as far as it can go.

Levi side eyes you as you hold him in place, his lips pinched into a thin line. He opens his mouth as he attempts to figure out what he wanted to say next. It takes a few tries but eventually, he settles on the last thing you’d expected him to say. It’s like his naturally stoic demeanor melts into something completely unrecognizable – not like you were complaining.

“When you kissed me, it was like I understood everything and nothing at the same time. I was so confused.” Levi mutters under his breath, sitting back down on the couch but this time on the cushion closest to you. His thigh brushes up against your knees, sending tingles up your spine from the sudden contact.

“Ever since you’ve stumbled back into my life, I couldn’t understand why you were always on my mind. I think I do now.” He continues without missing a beat. “I think I’ve always cherished you in some capacity, just in different stages.” Levi places his face in his hands that were propped up against his knees. After a few seconds, his head turns to you with a familiar expression. The way he looks at you reminds you of the little boy next door all those years ago.

“Leeeeeviii!!” You yell as you bound down the front steps without a care in the world. Your brother and Levi currently sit on the lawn, messing around with their action figures who were currently in a heated battle. In your excitement, you completely miss the bottom step and stumble down onto your hands and knees, rough concrete digging into your skin.

The wails that come out of you are loud enough that the dogs across the street start barking. A pair of hands are on you in an instant, helping to pull you up and onto the bottom step that had caused you so much trouble in the first place.

“I’ll go get some bandages.” Your brother says in a panic, running up the stairs and back in the house you had just come out of.

“You’re okay, it’s just some scratches.” You look up through blurry lashes to see Levi staring at your bleeding knees. You’re not going to bleed out, but crimson is trickling down your legs and it’s enough to make you cry harder.

Levi takes your little hands into his slightly bigger ones and inspects them. He brushes off the small gravel that had embedded itself into your skin, his tongue stuck between his teeth in focus. You observe him as best as you can despite the salty water obscuring your vision. Levi’s eyelashes flutter across his cheeks as he turns your hands over to get a better look at them.

“Not cut, just a little dirty. Nothing that can’t be fixed.” He says softly to you. Blue-gray eyes look up into yours and you realize you stopped crying. He offers you a lopsided grin as he squeezes your hand a few times.

“See? Not broken. You’ll be okay.”

He was always so calm with you. You shoot him a toothy grin while squeezing his hand back a few times. So calm. So safe.

“Levi, I’m never letting you go.”

You laugh at the sudden memory that flashes before your vision. You’re grateful for Levi in many ways, despite the fact he made you mad sometimes. Memory recovery was one of the reasons why. Levi’s eyes widen at your sudden outburst.

“What?”

‘Remember when I ate shit outside of my house when we were kids?’

He hesitates as he thinks.

“Which time?” His lips twitch at his comment and you realize it probably wasn’t the first time you had fallen. You appreciate your resilient nature as a kid, taking note of the small scars that probably decorated your knees even to this day.

‘Levi, I think there’s always been a part of me that’s always felt safe with you. And, I think having a future without you in it, no matter what that means, isn’t something I want to see. So, I think that’s why I was so torn up about this. The idea of you leaving just tears me apart.’

Levi sits up at your confession, staring at you in curiosity. There’s a new look of assurance on his face as he eyes you. A pink flush creeps up his neck and into his cheekbones as he focuses back on the colorful screen ahead.

“I don’t have any plans to leave.” He mutters.

There’s more silence, only cut up by the voices on the television and distant crashing of waves from down below. You watch him closely as he blinks slowly, propping his chin up in both arms that sit against his thighs. Before you can sign again, he speaks softly.

“I don’t regret it.” He side-eyes you, as if he were afraid to face you for such a statement.

‘What do you mean you don’t regret it?’

“It means I don’t regret that you kissed me.”

‘Did you want me to kiss you?’

Silence.

“You should probably get some sleep. I’m sure tomorrow will be just as exhausting. We can talk more then.” Levi says quietly, changing the subject.

You narrow your eyes at him, annoyed he would close up after so much progress. But then a yawn so big escapes your mouth and you shove your face into the pillow you were still hugging until it’s done. When you look back up, you see Levi watching you in amusement before his expression changes into indifference quickly. Maybe this would be best saved for the next day when you were both awake.

‘What about you?’

“I don’t sleep much, you know that. I’ll be okay.” He shrugs his shoulders as he gets up from the sofa. He reaches for the remote and turns off the tv then carefully places it back on the coffee table. Then he turns around to offer you a hand which you take, still hugging the pillow to your chest. He raises an eyebrow at that but turns on his heel to head to his bedroom. With a soft sigh, you place the pillow back and follow him down the hallway to your room.

The need to figure out what was going through his mind was strong, but your exhaustion hits harder. As you pass the kitchen, you note the time was about to hit five in the morning which means you have been up for a while. Despite the amount of sleep from earlier, you feel your body giving in to the heaviness of fatigue – no doubt a consequence of having such a taxing day.

You watch as Levi stops outside of his door, right hand gripping the doorknob in white knuckles. As you pass him, you reach over and place your hand on top of his. When his eyes fall on you, you offer a small smile.

‘What’s wrong?’

Before you can pull away, Levi says your name and stares over at you with longing.

“What am I to you?”

With shaky hands, you sign back, ‘What would you like to be, Levi?’ Adrenaline courses through your veins like lava at the sudden question.

“Yours.” It’s so soft, barely audible. And yet so full of conviction.

Levi looks down at your lips quickly before jumping back up to your eyes. In a swift motion, he releases the doorknob and grabs your hand, pulling you in closer to him with sudden force. His gaze is as firm as the grip on you, holding you in place. When he speaks again, his words come out measured.

“You’re right, I do know what I want. My answer is yours. I want to be yours.”

Your eyes widen at the sudden confession, and you stare at him with your lips parted in surprise. As if time slowed down, just like in the elevator, Levi tilts your chin in his direction - pinching it gently between his thumb and index finger. He leans in slowly, his eyes staring into yours as he wavers inches away. Levi is so close to you that his hot breath hits your face, and you smell hints of his black tea and traces of pine.

“And I want to kiss you. Is that okay?” You nod, dazed by his proximity.

Carefully, his mouth meets yours and you instantly distinguish the difference between this kiss and the one in the elevator. This one is hesitant, nervous. But traces of ravenous hunger linger as an aftertaste.

That same heat blazes from your face all the way down to your toes. Levi’s fingers move from your chin to right under your jaw, tilting your face into him even more. After a moment, he breaks away granting you a moment to catch your breath. His face is still inches from yours, gray eyes fluttering closed as your forehead rests against his. Your name tumbles out of his mouth, almost like a beg.

“I need to know.” He pulls away from you, the air around you instantly turning cold from the lack of his presence. “Will you let me?”

‘Let you what, Levi?’ You know what he wants, but you just want to hear him say it again. And again and again and again.

“Let me be yours.” Your smile would have blinded the whole world.

‘Mine.’

He leans in again, cupping your whole face in his calloused hand and locking his lips back over yours. The hunger intensifies just like the buzzing throughout your whole system. You open your mouth slightly to let his tongue in to explore and it does, eliciting a quiet moan from you. You swear you hear Levi growl in response. Oh, how touch starved you two were for each other.

As if in sync, Levi opens the bedroom door and you both stumble still lip-locked into his room. He pushes you up against the door, shutting it behind you. If you weren’t so lost in the kiss, you would have been worried by how loud the slam must have been. Levi presses up against you more, sandwiching you between the heat of his body and the cool wooden door behind you. You already feel how hard he is under his sweatpants.

You’re more inexperienced than most so there’s hesitation in your kiss – something Levi picks up on quickly. He pulls away but leaves his hands on your face as he looks at you with apprehension.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to tonight.” He whispers to you. His voice is as sincere as it always is, albeit husky. You place a hand over his that sits on your face, leaning into it as you do before signing back.

‘I want all of you.’ You offer a loving smile, wide and full of adoration for the man in front of you. Levi’s eyes bounce back and forth between yours as if searching for something. He finds nothing but pure truth.

Levi’s lips crash back onto yours, careful but just as heated. As his marred lips leave and make their way down your neck, one of your hands slides up his chest to his undercut until your fingers find what they were looking for, tangling in his raven hair.

The moment you feel his teeth pinch your soft skin, another moan comes out louder than before. Having him pressed up against you like that, the outline of his cock pressing into your stomach, you start to feel your patience slowly unraveling.

Your nervousness flies out the window. This was Levi, you had no reason to worry. Levi is safe to you. He would take care of you as he always does. And you would do the same. The thought makes you smile up at the ceiling. Before you know it, your hands push against Levi’s soft skin, and he pulls away quickly. Worry pools into his dark eyes as he watches you carefully.

“Is everything okay?” He murmurs hoarsely.

Instead of signing back, you force him to step back towards the bed with your palm pressed against his chest until the back of his knees hit the edges of the mattress. The force alone makes him lurch back so that he falls back onto the soft duvet, catching himself on his hands so that he’s sitting up.

In a swift motion, you straddle his hips, and your lips find solace on his mouth yet again. You don’t hesitate to push your tongue through to taste him again, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing yourself into him more.

You don’t mean to, but you find your hips grinding on to him, the only barriers between your already soaked self and Levi being the clothes you wish were off. The pressure and friction against your very sensitive core make you pull away for breath. Levi’s soft grunts are music to your ears and his lips start trailing back down your neck, his teeth finding purchase in your soft skin yet again. His fingers slide up your back, pulling your night dress up with it.

Then a groan comes out of his clenched teeth, full of frustration.

Levi pulls away again and stares up at you with heavy-lidded eyes full of impatience. You note that pink flush of his that you love so much, deeper in color and painting across his cheeks. As you stare down at him, you come to love this version of Levi and you want nothing but to see his face contort at the way you grinded into him. But he places his hands on your hips to keep you still, much to your dismay. You watch him carefully as he speaks, his voice husky.

“I-uh. I want this, I do. But we need to be safe. And I didn’t bri-“ He averts his gaze, staring at the corner of the bed. You were so lost in the exhilaration of it all, you didn’t think about it. A thick appreciation for him crashes over you because his cautious nature, even if it did slightly kill the heat of the moment.

‘Give me a second. I can help with this. Stay here.’ You give him a chaste kiss before sliding off his lap and out the door quickly. You tiptoe your way back to your room, making sure the only sounds that can be heard are the clock ticking on the wall and the muffled continuous crashing of waves just outside.

When you slip into your room, you see Hange flat on their back with their hair tousled everywhere. Soft snores escape their lips, a telltale sign they are out like a light. Hange wasn’t promiscuous in the slightest, but they weren’t closed minded either. And with that, it meant they stayed prepared.

You creep over to their unorganized suitcase where clothes were strewn all over the place. Reaching into the top compartment, your fingers feel the sharp edges of a foil package and slip it out. You blush to yourself as you think back to Levi’s outline as you make sure it’s the right size.

A snort from behind you makes you freeze in place, breath hitched as you sit crouching in silence. A moment passes. Another minute. Hange’s snores fill the room again and you let loose your held breath, shoulders sagging. You’re sure this conversation would come up again later, but you didn’t want to deal with it right now. Especially with Levi waiting for you.

It takes you next to no time to slip out of your room and back into Levi’s, closing his door with a soft click. Turning around, you show him the condom in between pinched fingers and smile widely to Levi who was still sitting on the edge of the bed for you.

“Did you come prepared?” He raises an eyebrow at the glittering foil.

‘No, but Hange do-‘

“I don’t need to know any more.” Levi blurts out, hands up in defeat. A silent laugh shakes your shoulders as you make your way back over to him. You fling the package onto the bed before straddling him again, noting how hard he was underneath you still.

‘Now where were we?’ You sign with a small smile. Levi smirks and places his hand against your cheek, his thumb tracing your bottom lip gently. You playfully nip at him, and he huffs in amusement.

“You’re breathtakingly beautiful, you know that?” He asks you softly before pulling your face into his and locking his lips on yours. It’s a saccharine-laced kiss. His hands find your hips again, lowering until they are fully on your ass, and they squeeze. A squeak escapes into his mouth as he does, and it just makes his grip on your skin tighter.

Pulling away, you grip his t-shirt from the bottom and start tugging it up. Levi leans back so you can pull it up and over his head, discarding it on the bed next to him. Your hands trail down his toned chest and abs, his skin burning under your touch. It’s soft despite the hard muscles underneath them. Your mouth finds his again as your hands explore, not hesitating to slip your tongue into Levi’s already parted lips.

Your hands find their way back in his hair, fingers entwining through the fine strands. You can’t help it – you tug gently, and a small whine comes out of his pouty lips as he’s pulled away from your mouth. Something inside you burns and again you feel your razor thin patience cutting at you.

As if Levi reads your mind, he wraps an arm around your back while leaving his other hand cupping your ass and stands up effortlessly. In a mere moment, he turns around with you in his strong arms and then gently tosses you on to the bed. A soft laugh escapes you as you land. Everything around you smells like Levi.

Levi stands at the foot of the bed and stares down at you ravenously, a look you don’t think you’ve ever seen on anyone outside of the movies on your television screen. You sit up on your elbows and watch as he gets on the bed and slowly makes his way on top of you. He meets your lips with his own as his body hovers over yours, his fingers lightly trailing up your arms resulting in goosebumps following in their wake.

Slowly, you lie back down flush to the mattress, his knees digging into the sheets on either side of your thighs. Levi’s lips start to slide down your jaw which gives you some space to breathe but your breaths quickly turn into soft whimpers as his fingers lightly trace across your lower abdomen. His other hand snakes around the back of your neck, supporting it as he starts planting more soft kisses down it.

“You can stop me at any time, okay?” Levi whispers, his hot breath tickling your neck. You nod, only wishing you had your voice to say his name and tell him you wanted him. As long as he was with you, you would always want him.

Levi’s hand that was teasing your waist makes its way back up to the lacy lining that adorns the edge of your nightdress, long fingers tugging down the thin fabric that holds your breasts in place. You’re glad Levi isn’t watching your face because you are multiple shades of embarrassment.

But Levi doesn’t say anything, instead he takes a breast in hand and massages it gently as his kisses start trailing down past your collarbone. Before you know it, his soft lips clamp around your already very sensitive nipple, eliciting a loud moan from you. You can’t help but dig your nails into the firm muscles of his back in response, dragging them down as Levi bites down gently. An exhale of hot air blows out of Levi’s mouth against your skin when you do that, a small grunt escaping with it.

You feel the absence of his lips immediately as his lips leave and the wetness left behind leaves your skin defenseless against the cool air. Levi softly kisses back up your sternum then pulls away, leaning forward on both hands that now sit on each side of your face. His tousled hair falls forward, creating shadows across his face as he stares down with that same hungry look, only this time it’s tinted with pure amazement.

“Still okay?” He whispers down to you.

You blink up at him and swallow hard. You were more than okay but as always, your words fail you. Instead, you nod and the hands that once dragged down his back are now trailing down his chest again. The feeling of his skin against yours sends electricity through your whole body, and you want more. You need more. Your hands flatten against right above his rapidly beating heart as you do your best to give him a look that conveys ‘more’.

“I’ve got you.” Those were the words he had muttered down to you the day before as you fell asleep in his arms on the beach. It wasn’t just cherishment that he held for you; it was deeper than that. Hange’s words from earlier flit through your mind, only briefly. How could you not have fully noticed until now?

He leans down and places his lips back on yours, soft and sweet. As your lips lock on to his, you feel his feather light touch trace back down to the elastic band of your underwear. But instead of teasing you like he had before, you feel his fingers dip under the cloth and further down to…

Any other thoughts racing through your mind cease to exist as his delicate fingers slide down your slick folds. You don’t mean to moan as loud as you do and fortunately Levi’s mouth muffles it for you. He hums in response to your reactions, smiling into the kiss.

Levi’s lips graze back down to just under your ear as his fingers rub small circles around your clit eliciting more moans from you. Your labored breaths fill the space as the white-hot heat from his touch reverberates throughout your whole body, tingling down to the tips of your toes. He whispers your name under a heavy breath, mutterings of how beautiful you are to him floating up to your ear. All sweet words mirror the moans you made.

You reach down to Levi’s hardened bulge that currently fights against the stretched fabric of his joggers. Your fingers close around him as much as they can through the thick cloth. Upon contact, Levi’s breath hitches. You give him a gentle squeeze resulting in a guttural groan that comes through his clenched teeth.

In response, his touch burns deep into your core as he carefully pushes a digit into your warm entrance, the palm of his hand applying pressure onto your swollen clit as he does. His movements are gentle as he pumps it in and out slowly, and you feel his finger curving up into a spot so good your toes curl. The euphoria turns into building heat, and you know what’s about to happen - but you wanted more. You wanted him now more than ever and this was not enough. More, more, more.

A soft whine comes out of you as your fingers tighten around him. A light huff tickles against your skin – Levi’s way of chuckling.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” He mumbles, his lips finding your earlobe and nipping at it gently. Reaching over with your other hand, you place your hand against his cheek and pull him up to you, planting your lips right onto his. It’s a hungry kiss, one conveying you were ready for him. You love him, you want him. You need him.

With that, Levi withdraws his hand and slides himself off you and the bed. You sit up and watch as he tugs down his pants along with his boxers. You knew what was coming and yet you couldn’t stop the blood rushing to your cheeks in shy embarrassment. You look away, staring at the ceiling as you hear Levi pick his clothes up including the shirt you threw on the bed, and then place them neatly on the dresser behind him. Your name quietly tumbles out his lips for your attention.

When you look up at him, you see him offering a hand to you. Your eyes flicker down for a mere second before going back up to Levi’s soft gaze. You feel as if you could faint on the spot.

Instead, you push yourself closer to the edge of the bed and take Levi’s hand. In a delicate flourish, you’re in his arms again and he pulls you in for another deep, lingering kiss. His fingers bunch at the bottom of your night dress and start lifting it up. You let him, pulling away enough so he can get the soft fabric up and over your head. He folds it and turns to place it next to his pants. When he circles back on you, he takes a moment to observe your half-naked self.

Being in your thin bathing suit was one thing, but to be standing there as the cool air conditioning drifted across your unprotected self was in a whole other universe. You shift your weight awkwardly and twist your arms together as you avert your gaze to the piled-on dresser.

Levi steps closer to you and takes both of your arms in a gentle grip and pulls them away from each other so that you’re exposed to him. You force your gaze on him despite how nervous you were to be in front of him. Levi’s dark eyes trail down your body but not in an ogling kind of way – he watches you with wonder.

“You’re just so beautiful. Every part of you.” He releases your arms, and his hands are back on you, sliding down your waist and landing on your hips. His fingers leave a trail of tingles. “I want you, all of you. If you’ll have me. Is that okay?” He whispers to you, pulling you by the hips into him. The length of his hardened self presses against your bare stomach as he does.

You sign that same simple word, ‘Mine’.

With that, Levi gently pushes you down into the bed with a hard kiss, leaning into you until your back is pressed against the mattress. He loops his fingers into the sides of your panties and tugs them down your legs, pulling away from you yet again to place them next to the rest of the discarded clothes. At that moment, he takes the time to rip a corner off the metallic package with his teeth, the foil discarded onto the dresser once done.

He grabs your hips again, this time pulling you flush to the edge of the bed as he stands at the foot of it. His hand makes its way to your thigh and his perfectly trimmed nails press into your soft skin as he holds you close. The tip of his cock teases your entrance and if you had a voice, you would have begged for it. As usual, you didn’t have to.

Levi leans down to you and kisses you slowly, teeth brushing against your swollen bottom lip. He places his other hand on the bed next to your head, using it to keep himself propped up. His hair hangs low as he hovers, already moist with sweat from the proximity and building body heat between the two of you. You use one hand to grip his forearm while the other hand slides up the back of his head and into his sweaty hair, fingers digging into his scalp. As the kiss deepens, so do his movements into you.

Levi slides himself in gently, using his hold on your thigh to control his speed. He lifts your leg up against his hip for a better angle but the sharp gasp from you stops Levi in his tracks. He stays there, feeling your warm walls hugging tightly around him.

He pulls away from the kiss and hovers over you again, looking down into your eyes with worry. It's been a while since you have been touched like this, let alone this intimate. You don’t think you’ve ever felt this loved. Levi makes this all so easy despite the anxious knot in your chest. You realize it isn’t just this that he makes easy, though. It’s everything around you. Every issue, every solution.

You imagine you’re looking at him just the same, a small smile etching into your flushed and hot face. Before he can ask again, you move your hand up and under his fingers that digs into the bed next to you. Lacing your fingers in with his, you squeeze his hand a few times.

A way to say you were okay and that you trusted him. And always would.

He looks down at you curiously but then realization dawns on him. His concern washes away to reveal his own version of adoration for you. It’s one of your favorite expressions on him by far.

In a breathless moan, Levi pushes himself all the way in. He presses his lips onto yours, muffling your moans that rise in volume as he slowly rocks into you. The hand he had on your thigh tightens as he pulls you into him more, quickening his pace slightly. The new angle hits a spot that almost puts you at the brink of finishing right then and there.

Levi lets go of your hand and moves his arm under your neck again, giving him the opportunity to trail his now sloppy kisses and teeth down it. Those razor-sharp teeth sink into your skin as one of his thrusts hit simultaneously. You bite into the back of your hand to keep yourself from wailing out and waking the rest of your roommates. The other hand that now sits against his sweaty chest digs into his skin, burying deeper with every thrust. It feels as if every part of your body burns like wildfire from his touch. Your name comes out in a groan this time, husky and deep.

“God, you’re fucking beautiful. You feel so good.” He buries his face into your collarbone as he moans your name again, shakily.

Levi thrusts soon become clumsy, feeling him slam into you inconsistently and with every hit comes more pressure against your clit. Heat builds into your core, the same as before. You’re pulling at his hair, in an attempt to warn him you were close. Throaty curses leave his lips as you both feel each other tense up.

In an instant, it’s like the world crumbles around you as you hit your limit. The walls surrounding Levi clenches as each wave of pleasure rolls through your whole system. Your orgasm sends Levi over the edge and in one deep thrust of his hips, you feel his body shudder as his moan almost turns into a whine. His teeth bite into you again as he rides through his own climax, filling up the condom within you.

Levi releases your leg and lets it fall gently against the bed before collapsing on top of you. He uses an arm to keep himself propped up enough to not suffocate you with his body weight. You focus on the heavy panting emanating from the both of you as you come down from your high. His heart beats in sync with your own against as he lays on top of you, digging his face into the crook of your neck.

You wrap your arms around his head and hold him close, despite the heat and sticky sweat between your bodies. Levi nuzzles his nose into sweaty soft skin and chuckles, low and hoarse. You both continue to lay like that until the breathing slows down to a normal pace. The next time he speaks, his voice is so soft and barely audible that you almost miss it.

“I love you too.”

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atxxzist · 2 years

Text

broken | c.s (07)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 6.3k

warning: suggestive? dk what else but lmk

there's been a string of coincidences.

despite your efforts to make sure, you do not, by any means, have to interact with yeosang because of last week's embarrassing fiasco--even going as far as sitting at a different seat, which is new since some students dropped the course after the second exam--fate has other plans.

coincidences as in running into him at the bookstore on monday when you were just looking to buy some stickers, glimpsing across after humming a tune under your breath and catching his gaze in yours.

coincidences like bumping right into his chest on your way to another class. you've never even seen him on that route before.

and more coincidences such as running into him at the grocery store after you have officially decided you're tired of cheap ramen and takeouts you cannot afford.

it's awkward when you pass him by one of the aisles, not really worried he's going to start something given he's been pretty good at acting like you two don't know each other, but crossing path that many times in a week is gonna raise a few questions in one's head.

but no coincidence is worse than him behind you during checkout after the cashier having totaled up the items, an embarrassing sink in your chest realizing you're short by a dollar and a few cents.

you study all the ingredients you have picked out for a simple meal of kimchi fried rice, eventually deciding to sacrifice the pack of garlic.

the young lady working the register has a sorry look in her eyes, but nods compliantly before removing the item.

you're quick to pay and bag your stuff, gaze trained on them the entire time because you refuse to look up only to find yeosang staring back at you, given how much coincidences has plagued your daily routine as of lately.

now, he knows that not only are you a snappy bitch but a broke one at that. great.

well, it's not like you're completely penniless considering you do have a job now that allows for you to indulge in any impulsive buying if that's to happen, but you're trying to be frugal and have limits.

but it looks like you have underestimated your budget this time.

"hey!"

your head snaps around at the voice that came from behind, the bag in your hand hitting the side of your leg with a swing.

"you forgot this."

you can only stare dumbfoundedly as you watch yeosang jog up to you, jaw dropping even more when you see the pack of garlic you had left behind, in his clutch.

"here."

he takes your hand and forces it into your grasp, a simple smile on his face after.

"one of the best part to kimchi fried rice."

the air goes quiet, and after a few more seconds of staring longer than you should, with a shake of your head and a clear of your throat, you can only muster up a pathetic, "t-thanks."

the container in your hand looks like a mistake. this is a mistake. maybe just because kang yeosang paid for you doesn't mean you should be standing in front of his and yunho's door with some of the leftover you made.

it's ridiculous. you were just giving him hell, all raggedy breath and attitude not even that long ago.

thinking you're out of your mind, you sigh, concluding you'll just give it to mingi and shuffle your feet around to head back, when the creak to the door behind you is heard, your entire body freezing in place.

"hey?"

the voice that doesn't belong to yunho makes you squeeze your eyes shut before cursing internally.

"hey..." you turn to greet, a nervous laughter leaving.

he looks about the same as you saw him an hour ago, except he has a backpack on and like he's about to head somewhere.

you catch the way his gaze falls down onto the item in your hand, a sudden urge to hide it but it's already too late, awkwardly fidgeting before deciding to give yourself away.

"i-i uhm... i made this for you. f-for earlier."

also because you're nosy and you did peeked in his basket and saw he only bought snacks.

a part of you think he might laugh, maybe roll his eyes and shoo you away for having taken such a small gesture as something more. but he doesn't.

he accompanies the small smile with a quiet chuckle and mumbles a thank you, a few seconds of silence following until it hits you you've yet to even give it to him.

"oh, here." you stretch an arm.

"perfect. i was just about to go out."

"to class?" you ask.

"work."

"oh..."

he steps out into the hall and you watch him shut the door behind, backing up a little to make some space.

"so, thank you, once again," he says, gesturing the container in the air.

"you're welcome," you reply, a shy color in your voice.

now... what the hell was that.

it's not completely dark yet, but the sun is starting to set, a shade of orange painting the sky when you return from work, just about to enter the dorm building when you hear your name from the distance.

you're surprised to see yeosang once again jogging up to you, observing as he stops in front and hands you the container that is now empty.

"i was gonna return this, but seeing you're here, i guess i should just do it now." he rubs the back of his neck with his free hand, a faint smile gracing his lips.

"oh... thanks," you reply, going on to retrieve it back, eyes quick to steal a glance at the more cautious body language that is new on him. you think it's definitely a lot more fitting and even looks natural for someone of yeosang's appearance.

"i should uh... go back." he throws one of his hands back sloppily, and you can't help but to let a chuckle loose, nodding to his words.

"i'll see you then." he bids a small, awkward looking wave and you do the same, biting back another chuckle.

you wait until he's out of sight, glaring down to study the container, taking notes of the fact that he even rinsed it, shaking your head and making your way back inside, thinking about the amount of coincidences lately.

"hey, sorry," you start, ready to tell the head of black hair that he's in your way blocking the path to the seat you have your eyes on, when he turns around and you gasp inaudibly, finding that it's yeosang.

his hair no longer the shiney blonde strands that made him extra glowy you were so used to seeing, but now a shade of black that looks just as nice, probably even better.

there's a pair of cosmetic glasses he has on and his hair is slicked back behind his ear, though his outfit of choice doesn't seem to be much different, but it's only been two days and he's managed to change this much.

you can't say you don't like it, though.

you snap out of your thoughts, staring at him longer than you should when he's already moved out of the way. you give a light head bow in exchange and trail to the seat closest to the wall.

the distance between you and him is a reminder of the state you guys were in before whatever happened on friday that's now making you feel wrong, even a tad guilty about closing yourself off like this.

but when you see him take a seat, not much color in his expression that tells he might feel the same, you brush the thought off.

maybe this is how it's meant to be. you in your own corner, and yeosang in his.

it's been getting harder to catch up with mingi and yunho, the image of you three together a rare sight these days. with their classes, schedule, and now job, it's a blessing if you even get to hear one of their voices before you're off to bed.

the seats that would usually be occupied by them are now empty because your friends have turned to men who also needs some source of income.

"this seat taken?"

you look up from your laptop, your breath cutting short in your throat at the person standing before you.

maybe after all, you're meant to get out of that corner, and yeosang is to do the same.

you shake your head and follow with a watchful gaze as he nods and settles his things down before occupying the seat in front of you.

"i hope you don't mind," he adds.

you shake your head again. "no, you're fine."

that's when you quickly scan the area, your eyes and nose too busy being stuck to your assignments, you didn't even notice how packed the cafe has got, all tables and seats nearly taken. except yours and one close to the front belonging to a couple that looks like they're about to lunge forward and rip each other's ears off.

yeosang didn't seem to have much of a choice.

you return to your assignments, at first a bit weirded out with something uneasy clouding your judgment, but as the clock ticks, yeosang too immersed in his own frustration and you in your own, the only time you even sneak in a glance is when he gets up to get a drink--it becomes a little easier.

hours go by and you know it's time to head back; signs of the place emptying, the quiet chitters around dwindling down to none and the street lights outside illuminating a glow you can make out even from the side.

shutting down your laptop and going to search for your bag, the commotion grabs the attention of yeosang, neck craning to study you curiously.

"going back?" he speaks, your eyes prying away from your belongings to glare at him, replying with a simple nod.

he takes in the almost vacant surrounding and closes his textbook.

"i probably should, too."

the next few minutes are filled with disruptive noises of you and him scrambling to get your things together; you being done before him, wondering if it's okay to leave first.

but considering you're both headed the same direction, it's only proper etiquette to wait. weird you would ever even think about courtesy in the presence of kang yeosang.

it's a lot of awkward and hesitant yielding to one another; whether who should exit out the door first or be the one to lead the way, but you both make it out to the humid air after all, shoulders accidentally brushing against the other and a clog in your throats as you think of how to break the ice.

"i uh... i never thanked you properly for what you did the other day," you break the silence.

he laughs lightly, one of his hand that hangs onto the strap of his backpack making him more attractive than usual.

"you did. plenty of times already, so don't worry about it. it was really nothing. plus, i'm the one who never properly thanked you for the meal you made. so here's me offering my thank for one of the best meals i've had ever since i got here."

you chuckle. "one of the best? i'm not sure if i can say that to something i kind of just threw together last minute."

"well, it was certainly very good. makes me miss my mom's homemade cooking."

a small smile is brought upon your lips at that, the uneasiness once there disappearing before you even know it.

"ah... where are you from?" you ask, cautiously.

"pohang. about three hour ish from here. you? you don't look like someone who's from here either."

you scoff at the comment.

"pfft. i hope that means something good. but even if i tell you, you probably won't know. it's a small town, very quiet and a very small population."

he shrugs. "maybe. but i'll let you know, i aced my geography test back in high school."

"that's because you're good at everything you do."

as much as you can't stand him, initially turned off by the smugness and prideful attitude, it's not like he doesn't have the rights to it.

he has all the brains and qualities to back it up; a very capable person in whatever he puts his mind to (you learned that from just sharing a class with him), which is what makes it all more annoying.

"hmm..." he mumbles, lips shut together. "how did you do on the second exam?"

the question has you snapping your head, coming into view with the side of his face, but more than happy to answer knowing you put your blood and sweats into it after running him off because if you didn't, you were for sure going to be fucked.

"much better than last time. i got eighty-four percent."

an entire sixteen percent from before. not an a, but you still consider it a win since the class quite literally makes you want to gauge your eyes out and it's only an introductory course.

"oh, nice," he comments, and you can't help but to question the sincerity, if kang yeosang really thinks an eighty-four percent is impressive. you're convinced that's a score he'd get on a bad day.

"compared to last time, i missed one question," he adds, and the side eye you give him at that is not missed.

"must be so hard to be you."

he laughs, the sound ringing in your ear that brings out the tiniest smile but you don't dwell too long on the comfortableness of the situation, instead shifting to the fact that you can see the dorm building from the distance.

the short walk there is drowned by the uproar of cars and noises of the night, both your footsteps still somewhat audible on the lonely sidewalk soon overtaken by the few students roaming outside at this hour.

"i-i'll see you then..." you turn to him, being the one to initiate the parting. "goodnight."

yeosang opens his mouth to say something but decides against it, settling on a goodnight in return, watching as you walk off.

"may i?"

your head rose up at the familiarity of the voice, one you recognize from hearing just the day before, nodding before moving your eyes back to a question you've been stuck on for the last twenty minutes.

usually, you would fret over how often you're running into him these days (or him running into you, that is) outside of class, but his presence has actually been quite consoling in the place of your two best friends and roommate who has found another activity to obsess over.

you're either spending your days suffocating under the amount of assignments and studying to do, or at the grade school a couple minutes from campus, smothered by a bunch of children.

it's calming and needed to come out, surround yourself with other people and their stories; the beauty and wonders life has to offer, so you're not so stuck in the small space of your dorm room counting down the exact moment you lose your sanity.

the only two hours of being in yeosang's company goes by fast, you shooting up at the same speed when he stands up, grabbing at his backpack.

you're unable to help the eyebrow that raises of confusion on your face but equally as quick to bat away, afraid you just might give off the impression of wondering why he's leaving so early.

he doesn't say anything as well, your eyes only meeting his momentarily before he excuses himself and leaves.

if it wasn't him, it would've been you anyways. you have work in an hour.

you both have enough manners to at least give one another a simple smile on the way to your seat, the distance still there but you feel a lot more relaxed this time around.

you don't notice yeosang's gaze lingering for a few seconds too long, a faint smirk cracking at the corner of his mouth when the professor starts going off about the third exam in two weeks and he sees the way your eyes roll.

it's the second time that day you completely miss his gaze that stays on you a little too long, only catching them that tries to act aloof when you finally look up to gather your things.

you're the first to leave this time around, and if it wasn't you, it would've been him. yeosang has work in thirty minutes.

you don't see yeosang that much for the rest of the week. aside from the short cafe stay that lasted as long as only two hours, it's not until monday again that he's seated across from you till the place empties, the chitters dwindling down, and the street lights coming on.

you realize just how much you miss mingi and yunho. it's not like you didn't miss them before, but having yeosang just here even in silence, it's comforting in a way that you don't feel so lonely.

other than them, you only have yuna. you know she would be willing if you ask, but you don't want to take time out of her day knowing she has shit to do.

you'd just feel like a burden.

but you've come to terms this is what it's suppose to feel like; to stay away. to reframe from seeking the only source you used to dull your misery with. because honestly, it would be so easy.

it would be so easy to forget everything just to feel better temporarily... but, but... you don't want temporary. you remind yourself.

"i'd used to find yunho knocked out when i return, but now he's even coming home later than me sometimes," yeosang is the one to start this time.

you don't think you'd deny the chance to walk with him, there just hasn't been many... chances.

"yeah. him and mingi. they're too busy these days trying to stack their wallets."

a light chuckle falls from yeosang, him turning to glare at you.

"and you?" he asks, the question makes your eyes fleet to him before returning them to the path ahead.

"what about me?"

"i don't know. you were just always around them, so i just wondered..."

how you're doing without them; how you're doing being by yourself most of the times. he's noticed.

your mouth drops to a small frown, not that he would be able to see in the dimness of the night.

"i could never be upset at them for living their life; do what they gotta do. after all, they've done things for me i couldn't repay in this lifetime."

now, you're starting to feel like mingi when he gets all sentimental over something that isn't even that deep.

yeosang hums under his breath and the few seconds of silence that follows after is broken by your additional comment.

"and i think it's good to be by yourself sometimes, you know," you try to convince him, in denial of the loneliness the past couple of days that has been made slightly better when he comes around.

he smiles, nodding in response.

"yeah, i understand. it honestly feels so freeing."

you snicker, yeosang lifting a brow as he looks your way.

"what?"

you shake your head, holding back another round that threatens to release.

"nothing. just, it's so funny and true... coming from you."

the confusion on him stays the same, so you continue, "you're kind of closed off, that's what i'm trying to say."

"closed off?" he repeats after. "i'm cautious, but i'm not sure if i would use closed off."

"cautious as in telling a poor girl off in a class she's already struggling with?" you tease, your voice a different color you didn't even know was possible.

the reminder flashes yeosang's mind back to the scene.

you’re working on a simulation assignment, stuck on a step you cannot get past although you already double checked everything. a quick glance to the front shows your professor already occupied with assisting other students, so you bite the bullet.

seeing as yeosang is already done with his, maybe he can help you out on just this very teeny step; a favor.

but he nearly snide; click his tongue and puffs out an air of annoyance like you’re a mere inconvenience when you just muttered a small “hey…” with the lightest tap on his arm.

“if you’re already struggling with something as simple as this, maybe you should reconsider your choice of major, princess.”

a creeping red blush overtakes his cheeks and you giggle at the victory, having thought before that it was practically impossible for kang yeosang to get so flustered.

the clockwork spins in his head as he tries to think of how to counter back, eventually finding the perfect outlet to kick you down a notch or two.

"okay, in my defense, i did tried to make up for it by offering my help for the exams."

it's your turn to be flustered, suddenly reminded again of the fiasco that just makes you cringe now. you might had been a little overdramatic.

“you won’t ever have to worry about wasting your time on someone like me ever again.”

yeosang smirks at the defeat on you, biting back the smugness he so badly wants to rub in your face.

"sorry about that," you say, a softness in your tone that has yeosang pleasantly surprised. "i was not having the best day and kind of took my frustration out on you."

he nods, a hum of acknowledgement. "i forgive you. say, i was feeling short as well so i might have let an unnecessary comment slip or two."

he actually felt quite awful after what happened. you were testing his patience but he could've gone at it differently. he knows this shy, reserved act of yours is just you being you. always sticking to the corners and far side of the classroom to avoid attention, and always just cowering behind your friends because it's just who you are.

but he's gotten so used to reacting this way; the wall he has built not allowing him to back down, almost like a defense mechanism.

you only nod in response, a simple smile that wants show itself, never having thought the night would wind up like this. because it feels so easy all of a sudden being by his side.

the subtle glances and bouts of comfortable silence so unlikely not even a few weeks ago, but now is the current situation. you don't even remember the trip back being this long.

but under the shining moonlight that casts a ray on him, he's absolutely beautiful. beautiful in a way you're not used to; in a way you're not sure if you have the word for it.

it just feels... different. everything with him.

it makes you feel conflicted, able to sense the wall he puts up whenever you come around, full of wonder about who really is the real kang yeosang at this point.

and with the curiosity plaguing your mind, taking advantage of the circumstances, you ask with an attentive glare permanently stuck on him, "you said you're cautious... can i ask what do you mean by this?"

he meets your eyes only momentarily before prying away, muscles that seems much more tense, you're starting to retract from ever asking such a thing, about to take it back but then he speaks.

"i don't know. can i trust you?" his tone surprisingly lighthearted, after all assuring you a little that maybe it's okay to go on.

"i'm very trustworthy," you answer, the same color in your voice that brings out a rather short laughter from him.

"i'll tell you, if..."

"if?" you question.

"you get a ninety percent or more on the final exam."

you nearly scoff. "is that a challenge?"

"with a reward," he adds, an amused smile that is quick to fade. "though, i'm not sure if you can consider my sob story a reward ."

you light up with even more interest at that, a smirk on your lips as you go to say coyly, "oh... a sob story? even better."

he returns an even more smug smirk. "no tutoring for you, though. sorry, i'm busy the rest of the semester."

a blow leaves you, mumbling through your breath, "fair enough."

"so it's a deal?"

"it's a deal."

you go back that night, plopped down on your bed and staring at the plain white ceiling, something bubbling up in the deep of your chest.

and for the first time in a while, you open the yellow spiral notebook again. you don't even remember the exact date of the last entry you wrote, just that whatever it was and whoever it was about might make you sick, flipping it over to a new blank page.

entry #6

i think i'm beginning to understand or at least i can see why yunho and mingi would like yeosang so much. still, i am wary and haven't forgot our 'history' if you can call it that. but something tells me i might get to see a different side of him soon. let's hope.

the next couple of days continues in a similar fashion of small, faint smiles whenever you'll see yeosang in class or at the cafe. your routine starting to solely consists of classes, work, the occasional short meetings with him and the rare phone calls with your friends.

but you don't even care that there's barely time for a hobby or that your social life has been cut down to practically kang yeosang. because the semester is coming to an end in less than two weeks and you can't wait to start planning something for the summer with mingi and yunho.

"doing anything for the summer?" yeosang asks; the irony of it all--his figure that is next to you rather than in front feeling like a new experience even though it's not.

it's packed today, two faces you have never seen before taking the seats across, the spot next to you left stranded before he showed.

"i was talking about it with mingi and yunho. we're looking forward to planning something, just not sure what it is, yet."

he hums an understanding, nodding his head.

"you?" you return the question.

he shrugs, mouth that droops in uncertainty.

"maybe visit my parents, i'm not sure either."

his answer brings back the thoughts of your aunt and uncle; how long you haven't seen them, and that you do often wonder how they're doing. if they will be happy to see you again for the summer, until deciding it's best to just not dwell on it too long before it upsets you.

but for now at least, you think you're okay. talking to yeosang has gotten easier, and the routine though dull and tedious, doesn't bring you pain. and once again, you're starting to think you can do this.

even work doesn't go too bad, the children more disciplined than usual and you even get a compliment from one of the teachers about how well you're doing.

you actually, genuinely, feel happy today.

a little too happy that when there's a knock at the door, you don't even process the time nor consider even for a second that it's way too early for it to be yuna.

when you pry the door open, the almost invisible smile on you drops and you feel your body going into fight or flight mode at the last person you wish to see. the one person responsible for all the hardship and pain you've been through ever since you got there.

"san..." you mutter, registering him aware as he picks his head up from leaning against the wall, the drowsy look on him changing into a sleazy smile when he sees it's you.

"y/n," he mumbles, and you hate, hate how it sounds to ear; a shiver that runs cold through your entire system.

because you were doing so good you could've swear you almost forgot about him. of course he crossed your mind here and there but the routine has kept you so busy, you didn't think it would feel this demeaning just seeing him again.

didn't think all it would take is for choi san to show up at your freaking door for you to realize all the progress made these past weeks has gone to nothing.

"what are you doing here?" you ask, cold and guarded.

he rubs at his eyes, posture no longer slouching and keeps his glare on you, completely dodging the question.

"may i come in?"

you don't get the chance to say no; him brushing past you that has your mind in utter daze. but if not for the strong reek of alcohol that travels up your nose, you would've even foolishly think that after all this time of silence from his end, he came because he finally thought of you.

it didn't bother you as much that when you stopped communicating, he never tried either. probably because you know he doesn't give a shit about you.

but how are you supposed to feel now, knowing you're the person he seeks out when he's under the influence of something else and his judgment is clouded.

you stand in front of the opened door thinking of what to do before closing it shut, afraid someone might catch the scene, though you're really more afraid of being in the same space as san even in his drunken state, knowing he could have the upper hand if he wants to.

you walk reluctantly to stand in the middle of the room, body so tense as you stare down at him, his legs hanging off the edge of your bed, back stuck to the sheet and his face lasering the ceiling although his eyes are closed.

"san, you can't be here. yuna will be back soon," you lie, knowing your roommate won't be showing up anytime soon for at least another three hours or so.

san groans at that, sluggishly rubbing at his eyes again.

"i know, angel. i know. i just... miss you and wanted to come by."

your breath fumes. unbelievable that even in this state, he's lying and trying to charm you.

you don't even realize how many steps you have taken forward and how much closer you are to him now, until he suddenly yanks you by the wrist, a gasp leaving your mouth as your body land on his, chest to chest.

the scent of booze on him even more prevalent at this range, a gulp moving down your throat seeing that lazy smirk on him that paints his half-asleep expression, a sensation of butterflies in your stomach and something much more you know you shouldn't be experiencing. at least not anymore.

you're quick to push yourself off, a natural instinct of defense as you're sat on the bed, scooting away until you're merely at the corner and far away from him.

a whine leaves him, feeling only the empty air in your place. he sits up and locks gaze with you, his eyebrows pinching together added on with a frown when he notices the distance.

"do you not want me here, angel?" he pouts.

you absolutely do not want him here, but instead shifts the topic entirely.

"how did you even get here?" you ask, a worrisome tone you'd probably deny. "you didn't drive while drunk, did you?"

he shakes his head, his manners resembling that of a child. eyes droopy and sulky lips like he might knock out any moment.

"i took a cab here."

"oh," you say in relief, standing up to take your phone out of the pocket of your shorts. "i'll call one for yo--"

the phone in your hand drops to the hard flooring, his strong hold again as he grabs for your wrist, this time instead of landing on him, your back hits the sheet and he hovers over, trapping you in between his arms as you nearly hiss in response.

"san!" you say with all the bitterness in the world, pushing at his chest but he's unmoved. though he's naturally thin, you can tell he worked out often; all his muscles on display the result of it.

"shhh..." he shushes you, the way your body naturally stops at the request almost too uncanny, as if you're drawn to him.

"just want to make you feel good," he says, hot breath trickling your skin and you quite literally have to disregard the unpleasant alcohol that lingers as his scent when he goes to place a kiss on your jawline.

it's so wrong. everything about this. san in your room, on top of you in a position he's been in before and your hands that creeps from his chest to his shoulders rubbing at them as he moves from your jawline to your neck.

you can hear mingi and yunho screaming at you in your head, tell you you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life, but all you do is moan when san pulls at one of your legs and jerks himself forward to line his crotch with yours.

you can feel his hard on poking at one of your thighs, your clutch on his shoulders that only continues to tighten as he begins to rock back and forth slowly practically dry humping you all while leaving the sloppiest and wet kisses on the skin of your neck.

and it must've go on for an entire minute or so. until suddenly, something just comes over you. call it an awakening or whatever, but it indeed feels like jolting up and getting hit in the face.

you are so stupid. so fucking stupid.

you push him off harshly, standing up to fix your clothes, his elbows planting the mattress as he looks up in utter confusion at the abrupt change of mind.

he squints his eyes and watch you walk to the door, swinging it open and waiting in your spot, turning to glare at him.

"you need to go. now." the last part almost sounding like a growl, fear and all kinds of shame taking over, because if he stays here any longer, you're afraid of what the outcome might be.

afraid and at the same time feeling so pathetic about the amount of power he has over you, even in such a state where he isn't even one hundred percent there, his mind mostly blurred by whatever he consumed before he got here.

you don't even want to think about what he'll do (or what you'll do) if he shows up in his default state of mind. a dark thought you hope won't ever see the light of coming true.

the same pout and cute puppy eyes is his current expression, standing up to walk to the door, you can't help but to recoil when he gets closer, all senses in your body ready to fight whatever he's gonna pull.

but he doesn't attempt to charm you or do any further resisting, only mumbling with his words slurred in a low tone.

"okay. if you want me to go, i'll go."

he steps out, his face sulky and sad, you have to shut the frame immediately because you don't want to start feeling bad for doing what you're supposed to.

you started feeling quite shitty again, the aftermath of san's visit was all it took for the sensation of anxiety and doom to make a reappearance.

every time you saw or talked to either mingi or yunho, the guilt that sits there is strong. that you would even allow san to come into your room; let him stay in a position he should never be in again, and let him kissed in you places that just makes you feel dirty now.

the bar is so low and he continuously underperforms, over and over again. you realize all this stress, all this time going into worrying what comes after the drunken visit, is just a waste of time.

because choi san doesn't give a crap about you, and that's a fact. you don't even think he remembers being in your room that night. he might've said your name, but it was probably because you were the closest and most convenient girl to go to.

and... you're also the stupidest, you bet.

but it's a waste of time to worry because you don't even cross his mind. not when he's sober. almost a month long of no communication between you two and even a stupid drunken visit that you deserve an apology from at least, doesn't budge him a little.

but with the last week of classes rolling in and exams sucking every bits of sanity left, you don't even have the capacity to think about choi san for a moment.

and you're especially not going to mull over him when the score for your computer class is finally updated, a rare feeling of excitement and joy bubbling when you see you have got a ninety-one percent, the deal you have made with yeosang to be fulfilled.

but at this point, you're beginning to think happiness or even joy isn't for you. any time an ounce of these feelings creep up, it is always shortly countered by misery.

a notification from your phone that sets off, a quick glance to it sours your entire mood. and you can tell that this time, he isn't drunk, his mind straight as ever when having sent the text.

san: hey, i'm so sorry i haven't been reaching out. have honestly been so busy with the semester ending and all that shit. but i suddenly thought of you, and i was just wondering if you want to come over? sometime tomorrow? 💕

next // series m.list

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#ateez angst #ateez x reader #san x reader #san smut #yeosang x reader #choi san x reader #san angst #ateez series #fic: broken

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spicerackofblorbos · 8 months

Text

Chapter 8: June - Part Four [NSFW]

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k

But it wasn’t all regret, was it? You wanted to kiss him. And you liked it.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

‘What do you mean?’

“You look like you didn’t sleep a wink last night and you have been out of it all day. What are you thinking about?”

‘It’s nothing. Just had trouble sleeping.’

“You’re only restless when you have something on your mind.”

“And that’s upsetting?” They laugh and relax back into the plush cushions. “That’s nothing new. I’ve known for a long time.”

Your eyes cut over to Hange again at that, wide in shock.

‘You knew? How? Since when?’

“I know when someone’s smitten. And you my darling? You are smitten like a kitten.” They roll their head in your direction as they speak, eyes sparkling. “Probably since February.”

Was it that early?

‘Can you be specific?’ You feel your face heat up from under the thick mask.

“What happened last night anyways that made you discover this known secret?” Hange already knew, they had to have. Their demeanor changed from worried to curious in the blink of an eye.

‘Nothing.’ You sit back in a huff, closing your eyes.

“Oh yes!! I’ve been looking forward to this part.” Hange exclaims, practically throwing themselves out of the chair.

‘If you must know, he didn’t kiss me.’ You’re suddenly focused on the waterspout sitting opposite of you on the wall.

“Damn. I was rea-“

‘I kissed him.’

“Wha-?! You?!”

“I’m guessing by your reactions, it didn’t go well?”

‘He pulled away and gave me a weird look.’

“What did he say after?”

‘He pulled away quickly and gave me a look that didn’t really scream “yay”. What was I supposed to do?’

“Sit and talk to him like the adult you are?” More bubbles pop at the surface as your eyes narrow at them.

‘What if he doesn’t want to talk? Or even see me? Or be my friend anymore?’

“Well, did he kiss back?”

‘I don’t know. I can’t remember. A lot was happening.’

“I imagine he did. He likes you too, you know.”

“Want me to make him talk to you?” Hange says with a smirk on their lips.

‘Don’t even think about it. He’ll just kill both of us.’ You flick water in their direction at which they chuckle at it.

‘What happens if we never talk again?’

You give them an exasperated look despite it all, offering them a thumbs down as well.

‘Can we talk?’ You sign quickly.

He considers you, eyebrows pinched the way they do.

So much for trying.

“So how did you like the spa? Did they take care of you as well?” His clear eyes stare into yours with interest.

You smile politely and nod, signing along saying ‘They did, it was quite luxurious. Thank you for setting it up for us.’ He smiles back and chuckles.

Placing it on the table gently, you force another sweet smile, one that closes your eyes and you feel more tears pressing out as you do.

‘I’m going to get some air.’ You sign.

“Where are you going?” His voice is stern and laced with annoyance.

‘Why are you here?’

“I’m worried about you. You’re upset.” His steely eyes cut into yours, narrowing.

‘‘I can’t fix it.’ You sign shakily, fingers fumbling over each other.

“I’ll take a look at it. And if it’s not fixable, I can just get you a new one.” It dawns on you that Levi doesn’t understand, and you’re not certain if he ever did.

He doesn’t say anything back, choosing to stare with his lips parted as if he wanted to.

‘Why won’t you just talk to me? I thought you trusted me with yourself.’

“I do. Trust you, I mean.”

‘Then talk to me!’

“It’s not that simple.”

The hurt from last night comes back tenfold. Only this time, frustration burns under your skin. Before you know it, nightmares come to you in the form of dark slate grays.

“I didn’t poison it, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He mumbles. You flicker your eyes over to him, but his gaze stays glued to the TV in front.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He rubs the back of his neck as he watches you. His anxiety looks like it’s about to overflow.

‘Is that really all you want to talk about? Small talk?’

“No! Of course not.” He grumbles. He mirrors you, folding his arms across his chest. He’s getting defensive again.

‘Then what do you want?’ You click your tongue in annoyance.

“I don’t know wha-…” He falters.

‘You do know what you want. You just won’t say it.’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘But you know, don’t you? What is holding you back? What is making this so difficult for you to talk to me?’ Your signs come out more forceful than you meant.

His arms fall into his lap as his focus darts to the tv off to the side. You eye him warily and purse your lips while you wait for him to continue, which he does after sighing heavily in frustration.

“I’m sorry.” he says quietly, shifting his gaze back to your face.

‘I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry to have caused you so much strife.’ You bite the inside of your cheek.

“Don’t be sorry.” He whispers finally, dark eyes piercing into yours.

“Why would I hate you?”

‘I just feel like I ruined our friendship with my actions, and you wouldn’t talk to me about it so I also feel like you want nothing to do with me because of it.’

“I don’t hate you.” He mutters, eyes shifting away before jumping back to yours. “I could never hate you.”

‘Then why won't you talk to me?’

Levi gets up abruptly and starts pacing back and forth in front of you with his shaky fingers raking through his hair. The anxiety radiating off him is palpable.

‘Just try.’ You give him your best pleading eyes, bottom lip jutting out as far as it can go.

“I’ll go get some bandages.” Your brother says in a panic, running up the stairs and back in the house you had just come out of.

“See? Not broken. You’ll be okay.”

He was always so calm with you. You shoot him a toothy grin while squeezing his hand back a few times. So calm. So safe.

“Levi, I’m never letting you go.”

“What?”

‘Remember when I ate shit outside of my house when we were kids?’

He hesitates as he thinks.

“I don’t have any plans to leave.” He mutters.

“I don’t regret it.” He side-eyes you, as if he were afraid to face you for such a statement.

‘What do you mean you don’t regret it?’

“It means I don’t regret that you kissed me.”

‘Did you want me to kiss you?’

Silence.

“You should probably get some sleep. I’m sure tomorrow will be just as exhausting. We can talk more then.” Levi says quietly, changing the subject.

‘What about you?’

‘What’s wrong?’

Before you can pull away, Levi says your name and stares over at you with longing.

“What am I to you?”

With shaky hands, you sign back, ‘What would you like to be, Levi?’ Adrenaline courses through your veins like lava at the sudden question.

“Yours.” It’s so soft, barely audible. And yet so full of conviction.

“You’re right, I do know what I want. My answer is yours. I want to be yours.”

“And I want to kiss you. Is that okay?” You nod, dazed by his proximity.

“I need to know.” He pulls away from you, the air around you instantly turning cold from the lack of his presence. “Will you let me?”

‘Let you what, Levi?’ You know what he wants, but you just want to hear him say it again. And again and again and again.

“Let me be yours.” Your smile would have blinded the whole world.

‘Mine.’

“Is everything okay?” He murmurs hoarsely.

Then a groan comes out of his clenched teeth, full of frustration.

“Did you come prepared?” He raises an eyebrow at the glittering foil.

‘No, but Hange do-‘

“Still okay?” He whispers down to you.

A soft whine comes out of you as your fingers tighten around him. A light huff tickles against your skin – Levi’s way of chuckling.

When you look up at him, you see him offering a hand to you. Your eyes flicker down for a mere second before going back up to Levi’s soft gaze. You feel as if you could faint on the spot.

You sign that same simple word, ‘Mine’.

A way to say you were okay and that you trusted him. And always would.

He looks down at you curiously but then realization dawns on him. His concern washes away to reveal his own version of adoration for you. It’s one of your favorite expressions on him by far.

“God, you’re fucking beautiful. You feel so good.” He buries his face into your collarbone as he moans your name again, shakily.

“I love you too.”

☾ Previous Chapter: June - Part 3 ☾ Next Chapter: June - Part 5 [Final]

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13eyond13 · 1 year

Text

my online fandom experience in 2007-2008:

-First learned about Death Note by randomly seeing L in an AMV on Youtube in late 2007 and being intrigued by how he looked. Have never watched an anime in my life but wanting to know more about this emo lookin' dude. Found some website where I could stream it, immediately getting spoiled for his death by somebody in the comments on episode 1 (the 2000s was RAMPANT with gleeful spoiler trolls, these were the days of people driving by Harry Potter midnight grand opening lineups for the new books to scream SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE type shit)

-Binge-watched the whole show in a couple of days. Immediately haunted by the "what if"s of Lawlight and start reading fanfiction.net fics about it. Wrote a gushing review on a fanfic and start talking in emails with the writer who writes back to me. I think at the time the most popular Lawlight fic on the site was Poison Apple by RobinRocks (which I didn't read, because I didn't like reading AUs back then, nor did I like the idea of mixing Death Note with Disney princess imagery... my absolute fave fic was Coexistence is Boredom by sakurazukamori6, which was still being updated at the time)

-The Another Note novel and the How to Read 13 were already out, so most of the stuff the fans know now about the characters was already known and being used in the fan stuff by then. I bought the entire manga set at my local bookstore and read the first five volumes of it, but not the rest (because back then I was one of the people who lost a lot of interest in the plot once L was dead)

-Got invited to follow a popular fanfic writer's Death Note LiveJournal where people are doing most of the things you see them doing here, analysis and shipping and fic and memes. However a lot of the journals and communities were private and accessible by invite only, so I only ever saw stuff there as it was filtered through the journal of that one welcoming fandom friend I made

-Got into random private email conversations with the odd fan once I start posting my own fics on ff.net (I wrote one of the very first Beyond Birthday fics). At some point I remember a girl who called herself diane-chan from somewhere in South America emailing me a doujinshi she had scanlated (I think it was called Taikutsu by Balgus REC) and emailing some pics and penpal like letters back and forth. Connecting with other fans was a very slow and individual-like experience compared to something like connecting over social media is now. There wasn't much of anything like online group chats taking place in real-time, per se. I suppose MAYBE you could create one on MSN Messenger or something, but the experience of being in a fandom in general online was just much more fragmented and based on personal individual relationships, I think. Unless you were meeting up with people in person at conventions or something...

-Ships didn't have ship names like Lawlight back then! It was either called L/Light or Light/L, because whichever name came first in the pair indicated who you liked as the top (or the "seme;" people would often say "seme" or "uke "rather than top or bottom back then). They were treated almost like two totally different ships, and you definitely had to tag your fics accordingly or else people would get mad (I am very glad that ship names now exist)

-Omegaverse didn't exist back then either! That was a whole new world I had to get familiar with once I got back into this fandom around 2016 lol (and I still have never really fully got onboard tbh)

-Watched the occasional fan videos on YouTube, often things like Windows Movie Maker slideshows set to music with fanart of the characters or cosplays and the like

-It used to be REALLY hard for me to find clips of the show to use or edit or anything like that. The English dub still wasn't out yet anywhere I could watch it when i was into the show in 2008, but I remember hearing L and Light's English voice clips and thinking that L's was great and Light's was a bit cringe in comparison to the Japanese one. I wanted to watch it again but I didn't want to have to have an internet connection at all times to watch it, so I bought some shitty ripped illegal DVD of the Japanese dub on eBay from China, and it came with extremely lolworthy broken English subtitles (stuff like Light reading that passage out loud in class and the subtitles saying "the wisdom of the sheepus"... that one is burned into my brain)

-Trying to connect with other fans in person about it was not really possible for me where I lived? Being into anime was considered extremely cringe at my school at the time. And other people I knew who had watched or read Death Note either simply weren't that interested in it anymore to the same degree, or were usually straight dudebros who were only into it so far as to think about which character was smarter than which

ANYWAY I say all this just to reminisce, and I will always enjoy how easy it is to connect and share the content with the other fans like it is nowadays, because I remember the days when that was much more difficult hahaha

#p #vintage fandom shit

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satrryeys4eva · 2 years

Note

hii I really love how you write for hunter and like incorporate other fandoms and stuff hehe it’s really cool 🙃💕 so I was just wondering like if you’re up to it, if you could write something about hunter with an avenger!reader maybe :P please and thank you and lots of love to you hehe

I am so sorry for being a year late to this, but I hope you like it

Hunter Sylvester and Harry Osborn's younger sister headcannons

- a/n

So some background info, Y/n Osborne is Harry's sister whose younger than him by a few years (harry was 20, and this takes place in the middle of TASM 2, AU where harry never got sent away he and peter are still best friends) he is super overprotective of her

Also for the sake of this, 'Metal Lords' takes in NYC

now on to the headcanons!

Let me just say this right off the bat, you both have mommy and daddy issues

clashing but similar aesthetics

Hunter with his heavy metal rockstar aesthetic

you with your more toned down but just as fun chaotic grunge aesthetic

Both of you kept your relationship a secret from your brother

after Norman died and Harry found out that he had the same illness and that it runs in the bloodline, Hunter was terrified that you might have it as well

you on the other hand were in a horrible mental state, Norman had been cold and distant but he was still your Dad

you were just recovering from his death and now you might lose your older brother too

While Harry was trying to find a cure you were mentally preparing yourself to say goodbye to him for the last time

the night after his diagnosis Harry came into your room to talk to you

He wanted there to be no more secrets between you two

You guys spent all night sharing secrets, he told you some embarrassing stories from college, and you finally told him about Hunter

he reacts a lot better than you expected, he asks you to bring Hunter around the next day so that he can meet him

Now Hunter has never really cared about the impression he left on most people (aside from you, Kevin, and his idols)

But he really tries because he knows how important Harry's approval is to you and he wants to make a good first impression

he subconsciously ends up emulating your style because he is so confused about what to wear, he doesn't think his usual band T-shirts and black cargo pants are not super appropriate for meeting your girlfriend's multi-billionaire brother

he settles on a pair of nice black pants, a slightly baggy band sweatshirt with a white collared shirt underneath

he also goes a little overbroad by wearing the two necklaces you gave him and only wearing your matching rings and the ones you gave him along with the earrings you gave him

Hunter was definitely not what Harry was expecting, he thought your boyfriend would be more like him or hell even Peter

but he eventually warms up to him when he sees just how happy he makes you, not before politely but not so subtlety threatening him

He even convinces Peter to play along and threaten Hunter

At the end of the whole ordeal, he approves

Now, saying that you spend time together would imply that you spend any time apart

You are each other's biggest supporters, always there at every event and function

most of the time is in little cafes, hidden record stores and tiny vintage bookstores are your everyday hangouts

you both go to midtown high, but only have 2 classes together

You guys are That Couple

you know, the couple that's always together

Kevin and Emily tease you all the time (like their any better)

If there was ever a villain attack, Hunter would throw himself in front of you like a human shield.

god forbid any paparazzi even try to harass you

Hunter would get into a fistfight right then and there

you guys are THE It couple of New York

but if Harry ever passed due to his illness, Hunter would constantly spend time (even more than he already does)

always comforting you 24/7

this always freaks him out even more as he thinks there a bigger chance that you also might have the same condition

and he really can't lose you

ever

he doesn't really bring it up the, because god knows that you need recovery time

he's at the funeral, holding you as you cry

you spend the next weeks staying with him

you don't think you can face that empty house now

not anymore

taging you just in case

@ii-larb-you

#hunter sylvester x reader #hunter sylvester #metal lords #metal lords x reader #hunter sylvester x you #hunter sylvester headcannons #harry osborn x reader #tasm harry osborn my beloved #harry osborn #platonic harry osborn

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wisteria-lodge · 1 year

Note

Have you sorted the Hogwarts Legacy companions at all?? I checked your master list and couldn’t find anything but I’m not sure if I’m just being blind 💀😂

So here's the thing.

(And your ask is super nice and in absolute good-faith, it's just also a good way of getting into this stuff.)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is not Joss Whedon. House of Cards is not Kevin Spacey. But Harry Potter kinda is JK Rowling. She has an astounding and honestly pretty unique amount of both creative control and ownership over that property. The only other person I can think of who's even in the same category is George Lucas... before he sold it to Disney, obviously.

And JKR has written about how she interprets the royalty checks she gets as kind of tacit approval from the world, which makes sense because she's been also very public about how she spends those royalty checks to support anti-trans campaigners and legislation.

But. But. I get wanting to engage with the property. I mean, obviously. I'm going to tag this 'sortinghatchats.' The parent system is clearly HP, and the point of changing the terminology was never disguising that, it was more supposed to communicate that I am not engaging with the work or its creator uncritically. I think it's worked pretty well. I've gotten maybe one piece of anon hate calling me a terf? That's not bad.

I'm a teacher, and the place I work attracts a *lot* of LGBT students. Trans and non-binary especially. And they're interested in Harry Potter. They read a lot of Harry Potter fanfiction. They want to talk to me about Harry Potter, and about JK Rowling. I don't see this property fading away any time soon.

And like. I was a fan. I waited until midnight in a bookstore to get books 4, 5, 6 and 7. My Sibyl Trelawney came in second at the book 7 costume contest. Which was fine because the girl who won did the most perfect Hermione you've ever seen, and spent the whole time handing out SPEW badges and knitting house elf clothing.

Recently, I'm finding myself wanting to unpack this property as an adult. Maybe understand some of the biases I didn't pick up as a kid, maybe do right by some of my favorite characters. Because there's good stuff in there. How much was on accident versus on purpose, how much is the fandom interpreting the text in a specific way, how much is the films smoothing over issues... and creating different issues... I would like to work all that out.

And actually, when I started writing some Harry Potter fanfiction over the holidays, it came pouring out, and it felt *good.* Clearly I've got a lot of *stuff* that I want to examine and *put somewhere,* and for me, writing (ships that JKR doesn't like) was a fun and ethical way to do that. Maybe I'll even post it with a nice disclaimer.

So that's me. Fanfiction, fan side-projects, fan merch. I guess the argument against that would be "free advertising," but like - HP has so much just - actual advertising - and I'd like it if people who still wanted to engage with the property had somewhere else to go. So no Hogwarts Legacy for me, no Fantastic Beasts films, or HBO miniseries, or even Cormoran Strike books. (and people don't talk about this enough - but a big aspect of that series is essentially JKR writing a non-magic AU where she ships herself with Mad-Eye Moody. I have no idea what to do with this information, but now you have it too.)

I could see myself writing more about JKR or Harry Potter, once I've turned it over more in my mind and feel like I have something useful and new to say. But as it is, this is a snapshot of where I am.

#shc #sortinghatchats #tangentially #jk rowling #harry potter #lgbt #fandom history #i do not support jkr

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steelcladbutterfly · 2 years

Text

Yandere Headless Horseman: Haunted

This comes from my latest Halloween works. It’s my getting back into the groove stuff basically. I’ll probably post the other nine sometime during the next few days if I have time.

Prompts: Haunted, Forest

The headless horseman is a mythical figure that has been seen in folklore since the Middle Ages. Popular examples include the dullahan from Ireland, the Green Knight from Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, and the headless horseman from the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, which will be the one this story is based on. The dullahan and the Green Knight both carry their heads around, though the knight is able to attach his back to his neck. The headless horseman is most commonly seen carrying a flaming jack o lantern in place of his actual head, the original story heavily implies it is someone disguised as the myth, while other adaptations make it more likely that it is a ghost rather than an actual human in disguise.

To be honest, this is inspired by the horror movie Smile a little bit. MINOR SPOILERS FOR SMILE The idea that whoever sees the victim die is the next victim is an interesting idea.

A Tv playing reruns of Whose Line Is It Anyway? suddenly began a breaking news story. The mostly quiet room turned even quieter as everyone focused their attention to the reporter now on screen.

“We are sorry to interrupt your broadcast, but a truly horrible incident occurred just this morning, and for public safety we have elected to inform the general public as quickly as possible.”

They shuffled their papers slightly, looking queasy and scared as they began.

“Amanda Halls, the leader of the town council, has been found dead in her home. We will not show pictures at the moment as it is graphic and brutal, but she was found headless. Her head nearby had been split into pieces by a tremendous force. This first came to attention when Cassidy Rath received a frantic phone call from Amanda. We have received permission to play it back from Mrs. Rath, so we will take a moment to describe what happened before it is played to you. At approximately 6:08 am, Mrs. Rath picked up the phone to hear Ms. Halls begging for help as she reportedly ran through the halls of her home being chased by what she described as a demonic horse with a headless rider taunting her from a flaming pumpkin. Mrs. Rath stated she could hear it all and seemed to begin running out of her house still on call, begging Ms. Halls to stay on the line and keep running. She first called to her husband to phone for help to Ms. Halls’s abode. At this point, crashing sounds could be heard and both woman exclaimed at the sound of what Mrs. Rath asserts is the sound of a horse whinnying. The call ends on Ms. Halls side with a scream and what sounds like something being slashed at before the call drops. Her phone was found beside her body in pieces. We will now play the audio for those of you still listening in.”

What followed was more or less note for note what the reporter described, however the sounds of a horse or someone other than the two woman is noticeably absent. Only the sounds of items being shattered and broken enters into audible range. After it ends, the reporter appears once more to finish the broadcast.

“Mrs. Rath is absolutely certain she heard the same noises Ms. Halls had before her death, but the phone call has no such audio to anyone but her. Authorities are uncertain on the true cause, but what is known for certain is that Amanda Halls is dead. More information will hopefully be uncovered soon. Until then, make sure to stay safe.”

The broadcast ended and the reruns continued before it was shut off as well, leaving the horrified faces of those in the small bookstore to be reflected back, distorted and darkened upon the silent screen.

~~~~~

Your hand shook as you placed the remote down. You stayed still, trying to get your breathing under control as the customers and book club filtered out, looking worried and scared as they did so. Soon, your store was almost empty, leaving only you and Dorthy, the woman who ran the town book club that took place in your store. You jumped as she gently laid her hand over yours.

“Oh, (Y/n), you should head home soon too and check on, what’s his name, Dakota? Make sure he’s fine and let him know you are too. I’m sure he’d appreciate that.”

You squeezed your eyes shut for a few moments before trying a shaky smile as you slid out from behind the counter, following Dorthy out the door and locking the door. You would worry about any mess or anything tomorrow.

“Yeah, I should probably check in with him. Knowing Dakota, I’m sure they’re worried out of their mind. In fact, I’ll probably get a call from him soon.”

As if on cue, your phone rang, displaying Dakota’s name. You smiled weakly at Dorthy as you trotted off to answer them, hearing only the last thing she shouted after you before you turned the corner.

“Tell him that I said hello! I’m sure he’ll remember me!”

You chuckled under your breath, waving a hand her way absently as you finally answered the phone.

“Hey Dakota. I’m heading home now. I saw the broadcast and, well, it didn’t feel right to continue with no customers since everyone left almost immediately after.”

His sigh rang through the line, slightly tinny and exasperated as they no doubt messed up the hairstyle they had put together that morning.

“I don’t doubt it. I’m actually at the scene right now, otherwise I would have come to pick you up. Make sure to go straight home! And lock all the doors and windows! I know we’re on the second floor, but I don’t want you taking any chances. I don’t know what I would do with myself if you got hurt.”

You smiled slightly. Dakota always worried over you, made only worse by his job and constantly seeing the darker side of humanity. The apartment came into view and you quickly typed in the code and headed into the lobby.

“Yeah, I know. I’m just gonna check the mail real quick then I’ll head upstairs. Love you!”

You hung up before he could protest and tried to put the broadcast out of your mind as you collected the mail and headed up the stairs. Hopefully, this would be the end of the incident and life could continue on after they caught whoever was doing all this. With that hope in mind, you aimed to continue life as normal until this was all over.

~~~~~

Dakota returned late at night, face dark and concerned. You hurried over, unsure what to do to cheer them up as they collapsed onto the sofa. Before you could do anything however, he finally spoke in a hushed tone.

“I’m sure this will be on the news soon, but Cassidy Rath was found dead in the same way as Amanda Halls. This time, it was in a supermarket. One minute she was fine, the next she’s screaming and running as shelves fall over, the next she’s fallen herself and her head has wound up crushed before anyone could do a thing.”

You flinched, not expecting something like this to emerge. As you locked eyes with Dakota, it seemed clear to both of you something was going on that may not be able to be stopped.

“…Was there anyone who saw or heard something different?”

Dakota winced at your hesitant question, staring towards the ground for a moment.

“Yes. Dorthy Langland, the book club leader, the one that goes to your bookstore for meetings. She said there was a man on a horse chasing Cassidy through the aisles. Apparently he didn’t have a head and seemed to be covered in fire.”

He chuckled darkly at that, shaking his head and closing his eyes as his shoulders slumped. They were obviously exhausted and if the first two deaths were in anyway reliable as tells, it was only going to get worse from here.

“I tried to have her called into protective custody, or at least have a detail on her, but apparently there is not enough precedent to do so. Honestly, I think the rest of them just have a sick want to see what’ll happen next, the bastards.”

Dakota’s teeth began to grind and his back tensed in anger. You laid a hand across his back and he slowly relaxed. You tugged them up and towards the bedroom.

“Look, if you can’t right now, try again tomorrow, first thing. For now, it seems like there’s nothing you can do, so let’s just try to get some rest, alright?”

They sighed and squeezed your hands gently before nodding and allowing you to pull them along. Two deaths in less than a day and Dakota was already stressed. The only hope you held onto was that Dorthy would be able to survive without troubles, not realizing it was already too late.

~~~~~

Across town, screams rang out as Dorthy was lifted into the air, before something separated her head from the rest of her body. She had called the book club to meet in the park since they had forgotten to pick up the new book for the week from her earlier in the day. Most were reluctant, but still showed up, only to have it interrupted when something spooked Dorthy and two other members of the club. What followed was chaos ending in Dorthy’s body slumping to the ground. Her head soon followed before it was crushed under the foot of something massive like the two victims before her.

Then, whatever was there seemed to fade, leaving a shaken group to answer those that approached the disturbance. Most of them dispersed when allowed to, heading home and looking constantly over their shoulder. However, instead of one witness that saw something more than just air, there were two.

~~~~~

You heard cursing as Dakota raced out the door. You yawned emerging from the bedroom and pulling out something easy for breakfast before turning on the news, at which point you quickly found out why Dakota had raced out so fast as it talked of both Cassidy and Dorthy’s deaths, now showing photos of all three deaths, if cropped and censored to cut out the worst of the gore, as well as the two witnesses claiming to have seen what the previous victims had before.

Jerry Walters and Chrissy Forger were both members of the book club and you couldn’t help but fret over your thoughts about the rest of the group if three members had now been targeted. But, once again, you knew that worrying over it would not help and tried to busy yourself with chores you had half started the day before.

Time flew, and soon it was just after noon, at which point you discovered Dakota had left his lunch at home in his haste to get to work, as he often did. Knowing the awful options around there otherwise, you tried to ignore your fear and made your way out to catch a bus to the precinct, a familiar route from the number of times you had done this before.

Upon arriving, you found it mostly empty, just the receptionist and a few officers looking over paperwork, the rest you assumed were at the sites of the murders. The receptionist recognized you instantly as you walked over to check in.

“Should I just leave this here or can I give this straight to Dakota?”

You were unsure where he was, but the receptionist waved you on.

“He’s questioning the witnesses at the moment, but it’s been hours and I’m sure they would all appreciate a quick break. If nothing else, you can drag Dakota away so the rest of the officers can discuss a protection detail or protective custody for the two of them.”

You nodded, waving slightly at the officers in the corner as you headed to the room pointed out to you. Knocking lightly on the door, the quiet murmurs within went quiet and Dakota called for you to enter. Their eyes widened briefly when they saw you, but he quickly noticed the bag in your hands. You waved slightly to Jerry and Chrissy. Jerry waved back hesitantly, while Chrissy just nodded.

“I’m just here to drop this off, but they want your input on whether to give them a detail or keep them in protective custody. But, I guess that’s for you to decide, so I’ll be heading home now.”

Dakota nodded and kissed you on the cheek, waving you off, before turning to the two at the table.

“I’ll be right back, I’ll leave the door open, so just shout if you need any help.”

With that, he swept out, walking through a phantom solid and present only to the two at the table. They shivered as a voice filled their ears before the figure vanished once more.

“It seems I have found my goal. My revenge is almost complete, but let’s not rush it, shall we? I shall be back after I have some time with my beloved. But be warned, one word of this to anyone here and you both will be dead.”

~~~~~

The ride home was quiet, with only a few others on the bus by the time you reached your stop. Despite that, you felt at ease as if Dakota had come back with you. Instead, unbeknownst to you, it was the creature that was causing all this beside you, trying desperately to hold your hand, hug you, or even just touch you.

Despite what it had said about not rushing things, if anyone could see it now, they would see how much desperation was present in the murderer’s form.

You continued past your apartment to pick up a few items from the corner store, especially since the supermarket was likely still an active crime scene. The phantom continued to follow, unseen fire flickering wildly the longer you continued to chat with the cashier, oblivious to their presence. It calmed only once you were alone once more in the so called safety of home.

~~~~~

And so it stayed for two weeks, during which time the figure grew hateful of anything that ruined the time spent alone with (Y/n). They both found out, through Dakota, that Jerry and Chrissy were to be held for two weeks, and if nothing happened, then they would be released with a twenty four seven detail to keep them safe.

“Considering how fast the first three victims went, and the fact that holding them is more distracting for the higher ups, they set the limit at two weeks. I had to push for the details after that, otherwise they would just be released with no protection. It’s so irritating!”

Dakota grumbled, falling back with his head coming to rest in (Y/n)’s lap as they giggled at him before combing their hands through his hair. The angered figure swiping at Dakota from their position nearly wrapped around (Y/n) went unnoticed by both.

“Hey, at least you got it. So, just another week and then hopefully the detail will keep them both safe. Both of them were always so polite at my store whenever they stopped by for the meetings. I hope they will be alright.”

Dakota looked up at the despondent look on their face. He sighed, lifting himself up and turning around slightly to wrap their hands gently around the sides of (Y/n)’s face. They sealed their fate as he sweetly kissed them in front of the suddenly still creature shadowing their lives.

“I promise, I will do everything in my power to keep them and you safe from whatever is causing all this. So, make sure to stay as safe as possible and I will try to do the same.”

He leaned in to kiss (Y/n) once more, and then one more time before they fell back onto the bed, covering them with most of his body. The creature stood there and took it all in, white hot rage coursing through him at what took place before him. The only thing holding him back was the plan that found a place to root itself within his mind as he swiped furiously at Dakota, gently stroked (Y/n)’s cheek, and stood up to leave, still unnoticed by the couple. A smile widened as flames roared to life. They stepped out of the apartment and were almost instantly on ground level, atop a massive horse that took off at the flick of its reins. As it sped through the streets, unnoticed by all it passed, the dark promise that slipped into the air hung for only a moment as a spine chilling laugh followed after, causing a shiver to go down the spines of those in the area.

“Enjoy divinity while you can, Dakota. For in a week you will be left with nothing, as you deserve.”

~~~~~

The day had finally arrived. Dakota parted ways with (Y/n) as they headed to their bookstore, while he got into his car and headed into work. Jerry and Chrissy had been silent and shaky the first few days, but slowly relaxed as nothing seemed to happen. He hoped it would stay this way and that the protection details helped keep them safe.

Most of the day was filled with paperwork and filling out shifts for the officers on the details, but finally, as the four officers assigned to the first shift headed towards the houses of the two, Dakota arrived at the holding room to bring them both home. However, upon opening the door, what greeted their eyes was a bloody mess from a headless Jerry and Chrissy following suit as a sword swung and slid through her neck like butter, a spray of blood following that splattered around the room and across Dakota’s uniform. Finally, he saw what monster was causing all this as the horse reared up before bringing its hooves down upon the detached heads. A voice seemed to resonate from no where and everywhere at the same time as a gloved hand pointed directly at Dakota.

“Run if you want, but I will track you down and kill you the same as all the others. You will be my final bloody sacrifice to the tragedy your ancestors caused long ago. And then I shall finally reunite with my beloved (Y/n).”

Dakota bolted, somehow avoiding being seen as he rushed to the car and started it up, the only thing on their mind being the possibility of getting far enough from town with (Y/n) that the beast could not follow them any further.

They should be closing the store soon, so with their first destination in mind, they sped off, refusing to give up and let the monster win, not when there was still a chance to escape and survive this horrible series of events.

~~~~~

The sound of screeching tires reached your ears as you locked up the store. You didn’t pay it any mind until a very familiar car was barreling down the road and pulling to a screeching stop right beside you. You could only blink in confusion as Dakota, with blood covering part of his uniform, got out of the car and started tugging you towards it. You balked, unsure what to make of this situation.

“Wait, wait, wait! Slow down, Dakota. What is going on? Why are you covered in blood? Aren’t you still supposed to be at work?”

“There’s no time (Y/n)! They were all right, the killer is a headless horseman! And now he’s after me and you. We need to get out of town now before he starts coming after us.”

Dakota used your confusion to finally pull you up to the side, gently shove you in, and buckle you firmly into place. They came around to the other side and he buckled in himself. They started up the car once more before peeling off down the road once more. Dakota was frantic and obviously scared, but if what they said and saw was true, then there was no doubt why. Still, you felt this was a little extreme and voiced your thoughts as the paved road became shadowed by the tall trees of the forest and the sign wishing you happy travels from the town flashed by.

“I refuse to take this lying down. I’ve been after this monster without knowing what it truly is. And if what he said is true, then I certainly don’t want him to get his claws into you, as well. All of these deaths and incidents have happened in town, so I’m just hoping beyond hope that if we get far enough from town we may be able to escape.”

You furrowed your brows as Dakota sped up, driving recklessly on such a narrow sighted road, but before you could say anything, the sudden sound of thunderous hoofbeats filled the air and a menacing cackle broke through the otherwise silent forest.

“Run, run all you like! But you haven’t escaped me yet Dakota!”

Dakota flinched as you turned to look through the back windshield.

“Don’t tell me you can hear him (Y/n)?”

Your eyes widened as you spotted the towering horse racing ever closer to the car and the large figure perched steadily atop it, clad in a dark coat, with black boots and leather gloves encasing the hands. A long sword sheath could be seen at the waist of the figure, and blood could be seen splattered lightly on the tan riding pants encasing the legs of the figure. But, most notably, there was a flaming jack o lantern held firmly under one arm as the other was occupied with urging the horse onward. As soon as you laid eyes on the pumpkin, it felt like the eyes locked onto your form and the grin carved into it seemed to widen as your breath stuttered at the sight. You fell back into the seat.

“I can. And I can see him too. I’m pretty sure he saw me as well.”

As if to prove your point, the voice rang into the air once more as Dakota tried to keep up the speed as the road began to wind.

“Lovely (Y/n), can you finally see me? It’s been centuries and my soul called out but yours never answered. But now you see and soon you will know. Stay where you are and I shall have you once more, as it should be.”

Confusion and fear filled you as Dakota slammed on the gas, pushing the car to its limits in an attempt to stay ahead of the beastly form steadily approaching. However, there was no time for anymore conversation as Dakota tried to take a quick glance behind and wound up spinning off the road. As the car slammed into a tree and the airbags quickly deployed, the clopping sound of hooves was ear deafening before fading slightly from earshot as it wound up rocketing past the crash. An angered scream trailed off as you slowly came back from the sudden pain throughout your body. Your side of the car had impacted the tree, leaving you to rely on Dakota to quickly pull you out. You cried out in pain, but Dakota continued to tug you out and brushed off as much glass as he could from the shattered window before lifting you into his arms and staggering into the forest.

They had been injured as well, but the adrenaline coursing through their body enabled them to make it far enough into the trees to stay out of view when the monstrous horse and rider stomped towards the wreckage. His angered shouts pulled you from your near black out as the car shrieked in protest as it was torn and smashed in a fit of rage. Dakota carefully set you back on your feet, taking your hand and running further off into the forest as the threats and sounds of metal faded further behind your retreating backs.

“I’ll find you! I’ll find you and I will tear your head from your neck with my bare hands Dakota! You can’t run from me forever, I will find you and I will kill you! There is nothing you or anyone else can do about it!”

You sniffled, stumbling slightly as tears filled your vision, but Dakota tugged you onwards. A sudden steep drop stopped your frantic run in its tracks. A rushing river, filled with rapids and sharp rocks was all that awaited you below your feet. The pause to consider which way to go gave you enough time to hear the now menacing sound of stomping hooves growing closer once more. You took the lead now, racing off towards what looked like a building towards the right. Dakota panicked but quickly caught on and took the lead once more as they heard what you did. The building turned out to be a covered bridge, stretching from one side of the ravine to the other. Dakota raced onwards, tugging you along, focused only on getting to possible safety, as you looked over your shoulder as the horse burst through the woods, creating its own trail through the forest and onto the path you were on now, closing the distance in mere seconds.

Your scream filled the air as you squeezed your eyes shut, expecting to get trampled. Instead, a firm arm looped around your middle, tearing you away from Dakota’s grasp and up, up, up into the air before you found yourself held firmly to the horseman. A scream left your lips once more as you saw Dakota get trampled instead, bringing him down just before the bridge.

The horse trotted around their downed form before coming to a stop at the urging of the rider. You squirmed, trying to get out of the iron like grip he had on you, stopping only as his other arm was raised to bring the flaming pumpkin up to eye level. A whimper escaped your lips as the eyes seemed to take in everything they saw before a voice seemed to emerge from both the pumpkin and the stump where his head should have been to begin with.

“(Y/n). You have not changed at all, still as lovely as the day I saw you last, the day they took everything that mattered from me. They called you a witch, screaming for your head just as they had for mine. But you did not come back like I did, a wretched beast living only for death and destruction. No, you have come back perfect and whole. And I shall never let you leave again. I will never let you be taken again. I shall never let you die again. I will keep you safe once more, my love. Now, stay put while I deal with the last of this trash.”

His hand placed the pumpkin over the stump on his neck, fire roaring from the top as the pumpkin took the place of his missing head. Before you could truly react, his arm uncoiled from your waist as he hopped down. Then, you found yourself suddenly tied down to the saddle, with rope pulled from a saddle bag, stuck until he decided to unravel the knots suddenly binding your body to the horse. You still tried as he approached Dakota, but could do nothing as one large hand grabbed their hair and yanked them up as the other wrapped around his neck and began to squeeze.

“Now, I believe I did promise I would tear your head from your neck with my bare hands and I always keep my promises. Hold still, this will only be worse if you struggle.”

You should have looked away or struggled harder or done something, anything to prevent this horror from playing out. But the adrenaline had run out, fear had overwhelmed you, and the pain from the crash was no longer dulled by a race through the trees, so you watched every second of the horrible feat of strength, heard every agonizing cry and tear of flesh from Dakota, and could smell the fresh blood fill the air as it sprayed from the now dead body of your lover. Dakota’s head was dropped from bloody, gloved hands. You sobbed as it rolled slightly to reveal the fear still engraved on the face.

The horseman approached the saddle, tugging the ropes from your form and pulling your limp form up to lean back against his firm chest, hands leaving bloody smears everywhere they touched. You couldn’t even bring yourself to struggle as he flicked the reins and the horse started moving once more. It stepped over the remains, one heavy hoof falling on the head and caving it in with a loud crunch before beginning to pick up speed once more, racing along the side of the cliff. With the jack o lantern still firmly on top of the neck, it left him a free hand to hold your form close as his voice filtered into your ears above the thundering of the running horse.

“I was a little worried there darling. A little farther and I wouldn’t have been able to get either of you. But, it matters no more, Dakota is dead and you are safe in my arms. As you should have been from the start.”

Tears continued to trickle down your face as the horse pulled away from the river, heading further and further into the darkening forest, taking both its rider and captive away from help, leaving only a wrecked car and a brutally dismantled body to be found behind them.

~~~~~

In a somber studio, another news report was being broadcast, this time with more horror than ever before.

“In other news, the murders that have plagued our town find no solace with the fact that the fourth and fifth victims; Jerry Walters and Chrissy Forger, have been discovered dead just before their release from protective custody. The lead on the case, Dakota Koche, was supposed to see them off but when they did not return, and the bodies were found, a search had been initiated, with Dakota and their lover; (Y/n) seeming to have vanished from town.”

Censored images of the two bloody bodies are shown, followed by pictures of the next two possible victims appearing on screen. This is quickly followed by more grave news.

“Authorities soon discovered a wrecked car off the road through the forest and matched the plates to Dakota. They followed a small trail to the side to discover their body, in much the same condition as all the other victims at a covered bridge leading further into the forest, the only difference seemed to be that his head had been brutally ripped off rather than cut off. However, (Y/n) has still not been found, leading us to believe they may have gotten away for the time being. The forest shall be searched to try to find them, whatever condition they may be in. Remember, any information you may have on the victims or the mysterious killer will be helpful, send in any evidence as soon as possible.”

The broadcast ended with a scrolling list of the victims and the information gathered so far, while the image of the missing person remained smiling to the viewers.

#yandere #yandere monster #headless horseman #yandere x reader #yandere mythology #Folk tales #still no idea what exactly to put in the tags #Murder #there is murder in here

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