#((again tho yeah make sure to have somethings about the oc

[lightning-speed-bug]

Hiya! I got a quick little question, mostly about the rules. Are you okay rping with ocs?

‍Ah yeah for sure! Oc's are totally fine, bots, humans, non fandom, even crossovers are good! Just make sure to explain your oc a bit or have some info on them, that would help!

[aventurinemybeloved]

Summary: Aventurine wouldn't mind being your personal mannequin forever if it meant having you this close to him

Fem!reader who's a popular fashion designer all throughout the universe, currently just "friends" with aventurine here, more like sugar daddy tho- very self indulgent because I have my oc in mind while writing this lol

"Not that I'm questioning your process when it comes to your craft, but aren't you tired?"

"Hm nope, not at all are you?"

"I've handled far worse than just standing for a few hours, don't mind me friend, continue"

While that wasn't exactly a lie, it has been a couple of hours since Aventurine was made to be a makeshift mannequin for you, this was supposed to be a day to relax and take both your mind off work.

But it seems that inspiration has struck the minute you laid eyes on a particular fabric store that just got a new stock on a handful of interesting designs, without a second thought you rushed in, your companion had looked away for one second and the next he sees that you've already made yourself comfortable shuffling through the many options to choose from.

As he made his way back to your side, the faint sound of you mumbling under your breath could be heard clearer and clearer, while he didn't quite catch all of it, he was able to piece some things, one of which you wishing you had your mannequin back at the boutique right about now.

"Hey, why not use me for a bit?"

While Aventurine obviously isn't a mannequin, he can sure act like one if you need it, and that you did so you agreed without putting much thought into it, making a mental note to make him a little something as thanks.

And now here you two were, in the middle of the store as you try to pin fabric with your hands on Aventurine's body, he expected this to happen after all he's not the type to willingly volunteer for something without it benefiting him in some way, but he was not prepared for how close you'd be.

Practically an inch away from him, chest against his as you maneuver the fabric in your hands all over him trying to come up with a design in mind, his nose catching a whiff of your shampoo as the top of your head was practically in his face, he's mastered the art of keeping a poker face but a couple hours of this, no one can blame the man for cracking as time goes on.

Luckily for him it seems you've finally finished whatever it was you were doing, he can't even remember even though you were talking about it earlier, his mind growing muddled with serotonin.

He managed to snap out of it as you call over a worker to place an order for your chosen items, and of course pay for it, Aventurine beat you to it though handing his card while softly smiling.

"It's on me"

"What? Aventurine I can pay for it myself, there's really no need to-"

"I insist, it's a treat for how much I enjoyed being your little helper"

Just as you were about to contradict him, insisting even more that you should be the one paying since he already helped you, the worker has already swiped his card handing it back to him and walked off to prepare your order.

You could only facepalm, this wasn't the first time that he has thwarted your attempts at paying for your own things, he's done it so many times you've lost count, and while it's a fact that all of it combined wouldn't make a dent in his wallet, you still couldn't hell but feel guilty.

Not for long though as you could feel a hand gently patting your head, peaking up at him you could see a soft smile on his face.

"You know the deal~" he said in a singsong way

You playfully rolled your eyes

"Yeah yeah, Just let me know when you're free and we'll hang out again"

It was weird to you at first how that was the only thing he wanted after spending so much on you, but overtime you've sorta started to understand it, and want it as much as he does as well.

[bonafideyapper]

THE TRADER'S DAUGHTER - cooper "the ghoul" howard x female!oc (part 4)

*THIS IS A DIRECT CONTINUATION OF PART 3** (guess what? I LIED when I said it would be past/present/past/present, enjoy whatever this is.)

Warnings: language, badly written smut, mentions of body hair (has to be a normal occurence in fallout bc theres no razors out there????), dbf!cooper, P in V sex, unprotected sex, ghoul fucking, unprotected irradiated creampie, Rad Away as birth control, as always not proofread

a/n: Alright! I’m not fully happy with this, but I DID promise a part 4 tonight so here she is in all her glory. Still bad at writing smut, deal with it. (Even tho I’m bad at writing it this is basically just smut with like, small plot points strewn about.)

Word count: 2.1k

previous part - masterlist

Previously, on The Trader's Daughter...

“Ohh, ya want me to touch ya, huh?” Cooper spoke in a hushed tone so as to not alert to her father in the next room what was about to happen. “What happened to you’re too young for me?” He squeezed her thigh with a strong grip, a wide grin coming to his face as he coaxed her thighs open. 

“Coop, I-” Daisy breathlessly whispered, overwhelmed by the man and his voice and his hands. Lord have mercy, his hands, those hands that she had dreamed about touching her in ways that would make angels cry. The hands that had strangled a man to death for threatening her. 

“I want you to touch me.”

“Well now darlin’, I can touch you however you want me to. But this ain’t gonna be no casual fuck. If I touch you now, you’re a marked woman.” Cooper whispered against the shell of Daisy’s ear, his scarred hand scooting closer to where she craved him most. He could tell she was flustered, and he loved that even after years of being hardened by the wasteland, he still had that panty-dropping effect on members of the fairer sex. 

“You sure you want an old man like me to irradiate that pretty little body of yours, flower?” Cooper kept his voice low, fully aware of his friend snoring less than ten feet away. 

Daisy’s mouth was dry and she would kill for some water. Somehow she managed to whisper back, “I’ve been on the surface a long time too, Cooper. I can handle a little rad poisoning. Got a good supply of Rad Away stashed away.” 

Cooper ran his tongue over his cracked lips, intrigued by the spice coming from the sweet little lady falling apart and he hadn’t even started to touch her yet. “Yeah? Sounds like you’ve been waitin’ a while for a moment like this, sugar. Hell, if I’d’ve known you’d been waitin’ for me this long I would’ve made my way back to you sooner. Could’a gave you another pretty little gift.” His hand reached for her necklace, letting his large calloused digits linger around the little white pearl. He could feel the breath trapped in her chest and swore he could hear the thumping of her heart trapped behind her ribs.

A decade of yearning had led her here, and Daisy was latching on. “Can I um, can I tell you something, Coop?” She felt like a teenage girl again as she looked up at the ghoul inching closer and closer to her, until his knee was slotted between the two of hers. If her father were to walk out now, they could probably play off the position as platonic, as an old friend leaning closer to get a good look at someone they hadn’t seen in years. A wave of nerves rushed over her as she watched him nod, calming herself as she thought about how he was much less of an intimidating figure without that old cowboy hat perched on top of his head. 

“You’re like, the guy I modeled my dream man after-” Daisy froze when she heard a shift to her father’s snoring pattern, bringing her awareness back to her surroundings. Cooper swiftly grabbed her chin to force her attention on him. “Uh uh, attention back on me, sweetheart. It’s just us. Now, you were sayin’ about how I was your perfect man?” As he spoke, his hand crept closer to the belt still fastened around her waist, taking his time and being disrespectful in his slow movements to pop her pants open. With each point the woman listed about how he was the model, he dipped one more finger down the front of her pants. 

“W-Well yeah, you’ve always been a very honorable man. Always take care of the people close to you.” Daisy tried to keep the conversation as casual as she could but still put up no fight as his fingers dipped below her waistband. She cautiously scooted herself down in the chair to widen her legs for him, blushing when he clicked his teeth, “That’s a good girl. You gonna keep bein’ a good girl for me, flower? Keep tellin’ me ‘bout myself.” Cooper smirked at her, his fingers ghosting over the skin of her stomach.

Daisy swiped her tongue over her lips, desperate for some kind of moisture in her mouth. She’d gladly accept it if he spit in her mouth, and actually, she wanted it. She’d do anything for him, especially if it would keep his hand sinking further down. “I think that you’re a good protector, a great shot back in the day. I’d totally outshoot you now.” She had to throw in a little jab of attitude towards him, wanting to see where it’d get her. “Like the way you talk, always callin’ me some kind o’ pretty-” 

Cooper could’ve lost it right then and there when his fingers slipped through the soft curly bush coating her puffy lips, “Look at that, sweet girl, you’re soaked and I ain’t even really touched you yet.”  He bragged, letting his finger tap against her clit a few times to watch her twitch, “And princess, as much as I wanna hear that sweet voice of yours scream my name, gonna need you to be quiet for me. Think you can do that?” He whispered to her as he sunk two thick digits into her dripping hole, shoving the same fingers on his other hand into her mouth to silence her when her jaw went slack. “Bite down if you need to; I won’t mind.” 

Daisy was on cloud nine, needing to grip the table to hold herself together. She couldn’t tell if this was really happening, not until she felt his weathered fingers brushing against that little spot inside her, building up a tight knot that he was eager to coax from her. She wrapped her pretty little lips around his fingers and then Coop thought he was on cloud nine— he’d get those pretty little lips wrapped around something else soon enough, but right now he was committed to teasing her and making her cum with his fingers. Y’know, had to see if he still got it (he did, he was shocked to find that it took less than five minutes of manipulation for her to gush in his hand with a muffled moan as he clasped his hand over her mouth.) 

Daisy closed her thighs around his hands and tried to let her head tip back, half-lidded eyes staring up at his as he dug his fingers in her mouth and pulled her head up to look at him. She whimpered at the loss of his fingers and watched as he licked them clean, a bright red tinge on her cheeks. 

“Sweeter than any peach I’ve ever tasted, flower.” Cooper ran his finger over her lips gently, letting her taste herself on the digit. She damn near couldn’t see straight and here he was, still egging her on. “Now, princess, think you can stay quiet for me?” 

Any kind of strong-woman act that Daisy had created for herself in her lifetime had dissolved in an instant, turning to putty in his hands and feeling like she was a virgin all over again as she begged him to fuck her. “Please, Cooper, please- I’ll be quiet, I promise. Please, please-” She whispered, keeping her eyes locked on his to show she was being serious. “We can go downstairs, won’t have to worry about dad.” 

Cooper pushed himself back from her and stood up, holding his hand out for her to take. “Come on then, pretty girl.” Daisy was quick to stand on her shaky legs, not seeming to care about the wet spot that had formed between her legs. She grabbed onto his hand and essentially dragged him down the stairs, pretty eager for a grown woman. Hey, again, Cooper reawoken her teenage dream, Daisy is in no way to blame for her actions. Without having to think about his actions, Cooper easily tossed the girl around like a ragdoll. Their bodies combined in a mixture of clashing teeth and lips and limbs blindly grabbing for each other. Daisy slung an arm around his neck to pull his head closer to her, channeling a lifetime of desire behind her kiss. She’d never been kissed like this before, none of the boys she had messed around with during her girlhood had ever touched her the way Cooper had been 

She didn’t have to be told twice, Cooper had barely muttered a “get these off” while pulling at her pants and she had dropped them down around her ankles. She kicked them off and smiled wide when he put his hands on her again, this time to easily lift her up onto the countertop. Daisy locked her legs around his waist and whimpered softly when he broke away from her, already begging for him again, “Coop, please don’t stop yet-” “Aw, darlin’, I’m not stoppin’ shit.” Cooper cracked a sideways smirk, “Not gonna keep you beggin’, either, even though you sound sooo pretty.” he let her dig her hands between them, watching her eagerly take his belt off in the dark backroom of the storefront. He made short work of pushing his pants down, reaching down to grab her thighs and pull her closer to his front.

Daisy helped him out a little by scooting her hips forward, just barely hanging off the side of the counter. She couldn’t help but notice how large his hands were against the flesh of her plump thighs as he grabbed on her, wishing she could see more of him in the dark. She wondered how the years of radiation exposure had affected his dick, but didn’t have to spend long on that thought before he had lined himself up and thrust into her. “Oh fuck-” As soon as the words slipped out of her mouth in a moan, Cooper had that hand slapped over her mouth again.

“Nuh-uh, none of that now, flower. Gonna- fuck- gonna wake up your old man. Don’t want that now, do we?” Cooper whispered against the shell of her ear, barely able to hold himself together now that he was inside her and damn-near feral. He smirked as she nodded against him, her eyes still trained on his. “Good girl.” he whispered as he painstakingly pulled out of her to just the tip, only to slide right back in and bottom out with his hips flush against hers.

Daisy whimpered against his hand and reached up to hold it firmly against her mouth, not wanting to risk not being his good girl. (Also not wanting to risk her dad walking in, but to be honest, she wasn’t thinking much about him when Cooper was between her thighs.) She couldn’t think straight, her mind was completely occupied with himhimhimhimhim. Part of her still felt like this was a dream as she mumbled something against his hand, something along the lines of “don’t hold back.” She figured he could understand her because instead of that painfully slowwww process of teasing her, he started fucking her. And this wasn’t like any of the meaningless fucks she had before, this was with a grown man, a man who had been changed by the immense suffering he had been through before he fell into her life. He was fucking her like his life depended on it and she was drunk on every second. 

Cooper didn’t know how long he’d be able to last with her walls gripping him the way she was, with her pretty brown eyes locked on his the entire time. It was much more intimate than he had intended for this to go, he had wanted it to be a good fuck but not one that would leave her wanting more. He had things he needed to do once he left her in the morning, and he hoped that this would be enough to tide her over until he could come back to his Daisy. 

Unbeknownst to him, she’d be joining him in his next adventure, whether he wanted her to or not. 

“Fuck, darlin’, where do you wan’ me to fin’sh?” Cooper groaned out softly, digging his scarred fingers into the soft skin of her hips, hard enough to leave bruises to remember him by. His words had started to slur together more than usual with that accent of his. Daisy whimpered as she leaned up to press her lips to his, gripping onto the back of his head to keep him close to her, “Told you I got enough Rad Away to stock a Super Duper Mart, where d’ya think I wanted it?” She still had that snippy little attitude to her even after Coop did his best to fuck it out of her (although that hadn’t been the primary goal, it’ll continue to be his goal as long as he continues to fuck her.) 

His smirk lit up his face as he bottomed out in her one last time, his hips faltering a bit as he happily pumped her full of his unfruitful seed. He kept his eyes on her face as he watched her- what, third? orgasm take over her. He had lost count after he made her cum the first time with just his fingers. Gentle in his movements this time around, he pulled out of her slowly, taking a second to lean back and watch the cum leak from between her thighs. A satisfied smirk never leaving his face, “Where do you keep the Rad Away?”

gif credit @thesoldiersminute

divider credit @cafekitsune

taglist: @savanahc @one-of-thewalkingdead @silverose365 @neverendingdumptser @fallout-girl219 @imtherain @looneylooomis

(I'm trying to compile my taglist from both accounts, so I hope I didn't forget anyone!)

[bbybluemochi]

bbybluemochi's F.A.Q. ✧･ﾟ

Hi! Arun here! I thought that instead of answering your submissions one by one I’d gather all the frequently asked questions and answer them in a single post (this is a mix of art/OC/commissions related q's)!

Please note that I do read all your messages and I’m so grateful for every one of them!!!! I keep all your words really close to my heart, thank you for liking my art and loving my Ocs as much as I do, it means the world to me <3

What’s the name of your OCs?

They’re called Cotton (the blonde one) and Puppy (the dark haired one). The original idea for them was to make some silly wolf/bunny OCs (that’s why Cotton is called like that, it was supposed to be a joke about her tail…) but somewhere along the way they took over and became something completely different!

Is there a webcomic for your OCs?

Not currently! I don’t have the time or the skills (for now) but I’d love to give it a try in the future! 

I was wondering if you mind people using your OC art as character art/inspiration for DnD?Just games with friends that are for fun, nothing for commercial.

Go ahead! I find that really flattering.

Just out of curiosity, are any of your OCs bisexual?

Both Cotton and Puppy are lesbians. That’s what I feel comfortable drawing since I’m a lesbian myself. If I ever do draw a bisexual OC I’ll make sure to mention it! <3

I think you said Cotton was a dominatrix in a previous ask, but is Puppy on the opposite side of the spectrum or is she just glad to be there whichever way?

Puppy is very much a sub. They both switch (Puppy as a service top and bottom and Cotton as a top and power bottom), but the dom/sub dynamic never changes. Also I wanted to mention that these dynamics do not transcend outside of the bedroom that much, there’s more to them than their kinks but I do love to draw them deep in their submissive/dominant headspaces. 

Are one of the lesbian fairytale characters trans?

I didn’t design either of them with that in mind, but I’m super OK with people headcanoning them as trans!

May I use your art as a header/icon?

Of course! Remember to credit me tho~

Do you allow people to use your art freely?

I don’t allow reposts of my work (not that it matters that much, since almost all my art has been already reposted a million times ))): but I’d really appreciate it if you just shared my posts instead of reposting my art). As for phone backgrounds/wallpapers or stuff like that, yeah!

Do you have an instagram account or other social media, I would love to follow you there.

My main platform is twitter (same @), I post all my drawings there and I’m usually more active over there. Tumblr is kind of like an archive. I really like the community here but I find it easier to reply/interact with people on twitter! As for instagram, I do have an old art account (same @, again) but I haven’t posted in so long. I may start posting there soon if a certain rich guy decides to keep destroying the bird app tho. 

I’ve always thought about this… how do you think it’d look if the aesthetics/styles [of your OCs] were reversed?

I’ll have to explore that in a future drawing, I haven’t thought much about it! 

Do you write fics for your characters or has anyone else written fics about them?

Not yet! A couple of my friends have offered, tho! I usually like to stick to drawing because that’s what I do best, I don’t wanna subject anyone to my writing (it’s not very good,,,,). When I share some of my Ocs stories, I think it will be in comic format. 

What's the story behind your OCs? 

There are several, actually!! I like to put my OCs in different universes. As for now, there’s the Fairytale AU, the modern setting AU (this is the original one), and now the Werewolf/Vampire AU. I also did a drawing of them as spiderwoman and black cat but I don’t think that AU is gonna make a comeback for a while. I’m also planning a scifi AU but I’m not sure I’d be able to pull off that aesthetic with my current art style so I’m still working on it. 

The Fairytale AU is the one I’m working on most of the time. I wanna release a small artbook with their story + illustrations. That was my main goal for 2023 but life got in the way, so maybe,,, 2024??? *crosses fingers* 

Is your shop down? It’s saying that it’s not available.

I open my shop for 1-2 weeks every now and then, that’s why it’s closed most of the time! My plan is to open the store again in september, if i manage to finish all the merch in time! I’ll announce it on my twitter and tumblr account when I do. 

Would you ever share a tutorial on how you make your art?

Yes, of course! I’m not very good at explaining my drawing process but If it helps anyone I’d love to! Just let me know what part of the drawing process you’d like me to focus on, because If i try to make a full illustration tutorial it’s gonna be too long/difficult to follow. 

May I ask what brush do you use for your lineart?

I use a different brush almost every time I start an illustration, I’m not very consistent when it comes to that (I think it’s mainly because I haven’t found the perfect brush yet!). But let me know what illustration you’re curious about and I’ll try to remember which one I used!

Do you come up with poses off the top of your head or do you use some type of reference? I always struggle with them.

It depends on what I’m drawing! Some of my drawings are reinterpretations of paintings (I’m obsessed with pre-raphaelite painters and arthurian legend paintings in general), so in those cases I try to adapt the poses to my art style. Even If I’m trying to recreate an already existing painting I end up changing the poses/proportions a lot along the way to fit my personal taste/art style. 

Other times, I just sketch from imagination (this is more entertaining, I think, since looking at references can make the drawing process a bit tedious). If I find it hard to draw a certain pose/part of the body I will look up references on printerest, no shame in using pictures! If I still can’t find the pose I need I’ll just take a picture of myself (this is like, a last resort for me. I’m too lazy for this). 

My personal advice would be to use references for the pose and then tweaking the pose and trying to make it more personal 

I love the way the armor was designed and rendered! Can you share some tips on designing armor? 

Drawing armor is something I still struggle with most of the time. I think I’ve learned a lot in the past year (please don’t look at my armor drawings from 2022,,,,, sigh) but I still struggle to draw certain poses/angles. My advice is: don’t hesitate to draw non-functional armor!!! There’s always gonna be someone like “actually, that armour makes no sense :)” well !!!! it looks cool as hell so who caresssss !!!!! 

I think it’s more important for you to get comfortable drawing armor before you start beating yourself up for not drawing accurate ones. It takes a lot of practice (I’m still learning!!!), especially if you’re trying to draw historically accurate ones, so start by having fun, and then work your way up from there.

Most of the tips I can think about are really hard to explain without a visual example, so let me know if that’d be a tutorial you would be interested in and I’ll try to make one (I’m cringing a little just saying this bc I swear, my armor skills are so bad compared to some amazing artists out there………..).

Do you allow cosplays your OCs?

YES…. YES PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM BEGGING YOUUU ILL LOVE YOU FOREVER !!!!!! *rattles my cage* 

Do you allow fanart of your OCs?

Again,,, PLEASEEEEEEEEE !!! Just tag me so I don’t miss it and remember to give me credits if you do !!!!!!!!!!! :D

I was wondering if you use procreate , clip studio, or similar apps?

A mix of both. I used to draw on procreate only until I got a tablet and now I’m a clip studio user (csp sponsor me please), and now that’s all I use. I’m so used to drawing on PC now that I don’t think I’d be able to go back to procreate, but I still like that app a lot! All my drawings (even the ones I do on csp) always get retouched on procreate because I like some of the effects (*dreamy sigh* chromatic aberration filter,,, love u). 

I wanted to know if the marks Cotton has on her waist are tattoos or like a scar? 

Those are tats! Puppy is a tattoo artist ~~~ (I’m actually not sure if i’ll keep the waist tats on Cotton or if I’ll end up redesigning them,,,)

I was wondering if you take commissions?

Not right now. I also don’t have any plans of opening commissions any time soon! When I do, I’ll post a google forms on twitter and here on tumblr with the prices and type of comms I do. But there’s nothing scheduled. 

Even tho I'm not doing commissions atm, I’m currently looking for illustration jobs (specially book covers), so don’t hesitate to email me at bbybluemochi@gmail.com

That's all for now, thank you for reading!! I think I covered most of the questions, I'll make another q&a post in the future! Bye~~

[jiihu]

I have a fic request, its quite dark tho, so if you dont want to write it its fine. Where the oc and yeji have a power Imballance of one being a famous music producer and the other is a leader of an idol group struggling to get good music for their next comeback

Thank you

𝐏𝐔𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄 — 𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐞𝐣𝐢

﹅ summary — after years of training, you've finally debuted in a group, but your first comeback didn't receive the attention you'd hoped for. producer hwang yeji offers you the opportunity of a lifetime.

﹅ content — power imbalance, toxic, idol!reader

﹅ word count — 4.3k

﹅ a/n — the whole time i was writing this i couldn't stop thinking of that scene in the fearless mv where that person was like "nugu? nugu?"

you sat in the corner of your practice room, gripping the tablet in your hands as your four other members huddled around you to watch the choreography. it was a critical moment for you and your group, as you were only a day away from your comeback performance. the pressure was high, and everyone knew that every single move had to be perfect and precise.

as the music started, you closed your eyes and tried to focus on the beat. the choreography was complicated, and you had been practicing for months to get it right. but something was still off. the timing was a little off, and some of the moves didn't flow as smoothly as you thought they should.

you opened your eyes and looked at your members. they were all staring at you, waiting for your feedback. you took a deep breath and attempted to voice your concerns.

"okay, let's try that again. yujin, your timing is off on the second chorus. hyerin, your footwork needs to be a little sharper. and jia, you need to extend your arm a little more on the bridge."

your members nodded in understanding and got back into position. you started the music again, and this time, everything was seemingly perfect. the moves flowed together seamlessly, and the timing was on point.

as the music ended, your members collapsed onto the floor, exhausted but clearly satisfied with their work today. a huge contrast to how you were feeling.

you blew out a puff of air, walking backward to sit in a chair with your head in your hands. as the leader, you felt pressured to make everything perfect, from the dance to the lyrics. it was your job.

"y/n? are you okay?" you heard your member, rei, ask with concern. you looked up at her and forced a smile.

"yeah, i'm fine. just a little tired."

but you knew that wasn't the truth. you were stressed out and worried that your group wouldn't be able to pull off the comeback performance. it was your responsibility to make sure that everything was perfect, and you felt like you were falling short.

as you sat there, lost in thought, your members gathered around you. they sat in silence for a moment, unsure of what to say. then, jia spoke up.

"y/n, we know how much pressure you're under. but we're a team, and we'll get through this together. you don't have to carry all the burden yourself."

you looked at her, feeling grateful for her words. your members had always been there for you, supporting you through thick and thin. and you knew that they were right. you didn't have to do this alone.

"thanks, guys," you said, feeling a weight lifted off your shoulders. "let's take a break for now and come back to this later. we'll get it right."

the five of you sat in chairs backstage, the room silent as your members stared at the floor. you had a wardrobe malfunction on stage where your mic had detached from your pocket, slipping from your grasp and under yujin’s feet. even though she regained her balance shortly after, you couldn't help but feel that the damage had already been done.

your leg bounced nervously as you looked through your group's mentions on twitter. while you scrolled through the tweets, your heart sank. fans were already talking about the incident, and some had even uploaded videos of it happening. you could feel your heart racing as you read comments about how unprofessional it was and how it ruined the entire performance.

your members sat quietly beside you, their eyes occasionally flickering towards you, reflecting the same disappointment and worry. you knew that they were all thinking about the same thing—about how this would affect your group's image and reputation. it was a critical moment, and this mistake could cost you everything.

suddenly, the door to the backstage area burst open, and your manager rushed in, her face tense. "are you guys okay?" she asked, looking at each of you in turn. "i’m glad you didn’t hurt yourself out there, that was a close call."

you nodded, feeling a little relieved that at least she didn't seem too upset about the wardrobe malfunction.

"but we have to do damage control," your manager continued, her voice low. "we need to release a statement addressing the issue and assure fans that yujin’s okay."

your members nodded, and you all sat in silence once again, lost in thought as your manager left the room. you knew that this was just the beginning, and there was a lot of work to be done to make things right since your group were still considered rookies.

as you sat there, your leg still bouncing nervously, you felt a pit in your stomach. you knew that no matter what you said, there would be people who wouldn't understand or accept your apology. but you also knew that you owed it to your fans, who had supported you all since debut, to address the situation and let them know that you were okay.

after a few moments of silence, you spoke up. "i think we should do it now, before it gets out of hand," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. your members looked at you, and then at each other, before nodding in agreement.

over the next few hours, you worked with your team to draft a statement that addressed the situation, apologized for any harm caused, and reassured your fans that yujin was okay. you all poured your hearts into the statement, wanting to make sure that it conveyed the sincerity of your apologies.

once the statement was finalized, your manager took a deep breath and hit "send" on the post. it was immediately met with a flurry of reactions—positive, negative, and everything in between.

your fans were confused as to why you were apologizing in the first place, while non-fans didn't seem to accept the apology. you read comments about how your careless mistake jeopardized your group's success, and about how you could’ve harmed yujin. you couldn't help but feel discouraged, but you also knew that you had to keep going. you couldn't let the negativity overwhelm you.

so you took a deep breath, put on a brave face for the sake of your group, and turned to your manager. "how are we gonna come back from this? i mean," you gestured to the tablet propped on the table, "this isn't going to look good for our group's image. especially after the debut we had."

your manager sighed, tapping her fingers on the arm of her chair as she tried to come up with a solution. all of a sudden, she jumped from her chair, grabbing her bag from the floor. "i know just the person who has experience with this sort of thing. y/n, follow me."

"y/ln y/n, this is hwang yeji, the best producer the industry's seen in years." yeji held out her hand, which you quickly took into your grasp. although yeji wasn't an idol, you still felt starstruck.

you sat in awe as yeji began to speak, feeling intimidated by her presence. "don’t worry. you’re not the first one something like this has happened to," she explained. "one mistake can ruin an entire group if it's not handled correctly. fortunately for you, i promise it's not the end of your career."

yeji proceeded to lay out a detailed strategy that involved a combination of online and offline initiatives. she suggested hosting fan meetings, doing more social media interaction, and even creating a charity project to show your group's commitment to giving back to the community. yeji had a reputation for saving rookie groups from controversy, and you trusted her expertise.

"also, we could try testing out a different style for your next single. something that not only draws more international attention but something that also makes people proud to see how far you guys have come." you slowly nodded your head, your mind still not grasping the fact that you'd finally met someone who you'd looked up to for years. "is that okay with you? if not, we could try something else."

"no! it's fine. i'm sorry, my mind is just everywhere right now." yeji smiled, her hand coming up to caress your thigh.

"don't worry about it. i understand that this is pretty difficult to handle. i'll get you, and your group through this. i swear."

yeji stood up, looking over to your manager who was furiously typing on her laptop, her eyebrows furrowed. "you don't mind if i take y/n to the studio, right?" she waved her hand in a dismissive gesture, before going back to typing. "great! come with me. i'll show you a few different styles, and you can pick out which ones you like best. not today, of course, so don't feel rushed."

as you followed yeji out of the room, you couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable thinking back to her touch. it seemed a bit too forward, but you brushed it off, thinking that maybe it was just her personality.

yeji led you down a hallway illuminated with bright led lights, her hand resting on your back to guide as you walked. once again, you tried to ignore it, focusing on the different doors you passed by. finally, you arrived at a door that read "studio 5".

yeji pushed open the door, revealing a large room filled with equipment and musical instruments. "welcome to my studio," she said, gesturing for you to enter. "take a seat, and i'll play you some of my recent work."

you sat down on the couch, feeling a bit nervous as yeji disappeared behind a frosted glass door. a few moments later, music began to play, and you were struck by the unique sound. it was unlike anything you had ever heard before, and you found yourself nodding along to the beat. you knew that if you decided to use it for your group, it'd at least get points for being unique.

as the music continued to play, you found yourself feeling entranced by the sound. you barely even noticed when yeji came back out from behind the curtain, sitting down next to you on the couch.

"i'm glad you like it," yeji said, a smile on her face. "i think it could really work for your group."

you nodded in agreement, still lost in the music. yeji's hand came to rest on your knee, causing you to jump slightly.

"you're tense," she said, her hand rubbing circles on your knee. "relax, i'm just trying to help you."

you tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in your stomach as yeji's hand moved higher up your leg. you didn't want to be rude or offend her, but you couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

"i think I'm going to go now," you said, standing up from the couch. "thank you for showing me the studio and the music, but i should let everyone else know what's going on."

yeji's smile faltered for just a moment before she stood up as well. "of course, i understand. i'll email you the sample so the others can hear it. let me know if you need anything else."

you quickly made your way out of the studio, feeling a sense of relief as you stepped out into the hallway. you couldn't help but feel like something was off about yeji's behavior, but you didn’t want to jump to conclusions just yet.

you stepped inside of the conference room, your eyes scanning around to see if your manager had made it back yet. "so? don't leave us hanging, what happened?" yujin spoke up, bringing you out of your almost dazed-like state.

"oh! uh, yeji has a song for us." your members leaned in expectantly, almost hanging on to your every word. "it sounds really good! she's gonna email it to us, and you guys can hear it. i think this'll definitely have an impact, a good one, on our career."

the girls erupted into cheers, pulling each other into a group hug, despite their happiness, you couldn't help but feel uneasy. you shook your head, laughing to yourself. yeji isn't a bad person. you were just overreacting.

you sighed, twirling your pencil around in your fingers. you were sitting in yeji's studio, annotating lyrics while you waited on her to show up. your members had already listened to the song that she sent, and everyone agreed that it was a good kind of different.

as you were lost in thought, the door to the studio opened, and yeji walked in. you smiled at her, but something about her demeanor seemed off. her eyes were fixed on you, and she was already standing much too close for comfort.

"hey, y/n," yeji said, her sounding slightly irritated. "i'm sorry to keep you waiting."

"it's alright," you replied, trying to shake off the strange feeling in your gut. "i was just working on some lyrics."

yeji walked over to you and stood behind the couch, her hand resting on your shoulder. "let me see what you've got so far," she said, leaning in close to your side.

you hesitated for a moment, before handing her your notebook. as she flipped through the pages, her hand lingered on your shoulder, and you felt a shiver run down your spine.

"these lyrics are great," yeji said, her voice dripping with approval. "but i think we can make them even better. why don't we work on them together?"

she leaned in closer, and you could smell the faint scent of her perfume. it was intoxicating, and you found yourself getting lost in her gaze.

"sure," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

yeji took a seat next to you on the couch, her body close enough to yours that you could feel her body heat. as you worked on the lyrics together, she would occasionally reach out and brush against your arm or your thigh. at first, you didn't think anything of it, but as time went on, her touches became more frequent and lingering.

you started to feel slightly uncomfortable, but you didn't know how to bring it up to her. yeji was your mentor, and you didn't want to offend her or ruin your working relationship. you didn't want to lose this opportunity. for your group's sake.

as you finished up the lyrics, yeji stood up and walked over to the recording booth. "let's give these new lyrics a try," she said, motioning for you to follow her.

you got up and followed yeji into the booth, taking your place at the microphone. you watched as yeji set up the recording equipment, adjusting the levels and checking the sound quality.

as you began to sing, you felt yeji's eyes on you, and it made you feel self-conscious. you tried to ignore her gaze, focusing on the lyrics and the melody, but every so often, you would catch her gaze lingering on you.

when you finished recording, yeji came over to you, standing close enough that you could feel her breath on your neck. "you have such a beautiful voice," she said, her hand coming up to brush a strand of hair from your face.

you smiled nervously, feeling more uncomfortable by the second. "thank you," you mumbled, feeling suffocated by her presence.

yeji leaned in closer, her lips hovering just inches from yours. "you know, y/n, i've always thought you were special," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

your heart raced as you tried to think of a response. yeji was your mentor, but her behavior was making you feel uneasy. you felt like a deer in headlights.

suddenly, yeji's hand was on your waist, pulling you closer to her. "you wanna see how special you are?" she whispered before gently pressing her lips to yours.

you were frozen for a moment, unsure of what to do, before pushing her away. "yeji, stop," you said tried to say assertively, but it came out almost like a question.

she looked at you, her expression changing from desire to confusion. "what's wrong? don't you want this?" she questioned, her hand still on your waist.

you shook your head, taking a step back. "yeji, this isn't right. you're my producer, and i could get in a lot of trouble for this."

yeji pouted, taking another step towards you. she tapped on her microphone, holding it out for you to grab. you hesitantly took it, your eyes tracing over her name engrained on the side of it. "you want to be successful right?" you nodded your head, meeting yeji's gaze.

"you don't want the career that your groupmates have worked so hard for to go to waste, do you?" you shook your head, your eye contact with yeji faltering with the intensity of her look.

yeji's words sent a chill down your spine. she was right. you didn't want to jeopardize your group's career, but at the same time, you couldn't ignore the feeling of discomfort that had settled in your stomach.

"i just… i'm not sure about this," you muttered, your grip on the microphone tightening.

yeji stepped closer to you, her hand reaching out to cup your cheek. "you're so talented, y/n. i know we can create something amazing together, both in the studio and out of it."

her words made your heart race, but you couldn't tell if it was in a good way or not. you knew what she was implying, yet you weren't sure if you were making the right decision.

yeji leaned in closer, her breath hot against your ear. "trust me, y/n. i'll take good care of you."

the way she said it sent shivers down your spine, and you found yourself leaning into her touch. she was so confident, so sure of herself. and deep down, you knew you wanted to be a part of whatever she had in mind.

you let out a shaky breath, nodding your head in agreement. "okay, yeji. i trust you."

a smile spread across yeji's face, and she leaned in to press her lips against yours. it was a soft, gentle kiss at first, but soon it deepened, and you found yourself responding eagerly. "you'll do great. i promise."

"y/n!" you turned to the direction you hear your name being called, waving at a group of people with signs with your group's name on it. one person emerged from the crowd with a microphone, a cameraman following closely behind them.

"i heard you guys have a song coming out soon. any words on that?" the interviewer held their mic towards you, eagerly waiting on your response.

for the first time, you found yourself being confident when speaking about your upcoming release.

"hi! it's so great to see all of our fans out here today," you said, gesturing to the crowd behind them. "and i'm so excited to talk about our upcoming song, which will be releasing next month. it's really something special, and i think it's something that our fans have never heard before."

the interviewer leaned in, looking intrigued. "can you tell us a little more about the song? what makes it so unique?"

"well, first of all, we had an amazing team working on this song, including some really talented producers like hwang yeji. she brought such a fresh perspective to the project and really pushed us to try new things. and i think the result is a song that blends together elements of different genres in a way that's really unique and exciting." you beamed, praying that your words didn't reflect how nervous you truly were on the inside.

"wow! hwang yeji produced the song? i'm sure you guys were in good hands!" you chuckled nervously, your eyes darting away from the camera. was that an innuendo, or were you reading too into it?

the interviewer laughed, seemingly oblivious to your internal turmoil. "definitely sounds like a song to look out for! thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us today, y/n. we can't wait to hear you guys’ new song!"

you nodded, awkwardly smiling back at them as you ducked your head to step into the car. you looked down at your lap, toying with the ends of your shirt. you did this for your group. so why do you still feel guilty?

"y/n? is everything alright?" you looked up to meet the eyes of hyerin.

"yeah! everything is fine. i'm just nervous about the reaction our song might get. that's all."

hyerin nodded understandingly, "i know it can be nerve-wracking, but i have a feeling our fans will love it. and if they don't, it's okay. we'll keep making music and improving with each release."

you nodded, grateful for hyerin's reassuring words. as the car pulled up to the building, you gathered your things and stepped out. yeji was waiting for you in the lobby, her eyes lighting up when she saw you.

"y/n! how was the interview? i'm sure you did great," she said, her smile warm and genuine.

you smiled back, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. maybe yeji wouldn't bring it up this time. "it went well, thank you. how about you? how's everything going with the music video?"

yeji's expression turned serious, and you couldn't help but feel a twinge of unease. "actually, there's been a bit of a setback. the director had to pull out due to personal reasons, and we're trying our hardest to find a replacement."

"that's unfortunate. do you need any help with finding a new director?"

yeji's eyes lit up, "actually, that would be amazing. do you have any recommendations?"

you thought for a moment, trying to think of anyone who made have director experience. to be honest, you’d probably be the least helpful person in finding a director, but your nervousness around yeji led to you offering help. “i can ask my manager, if you’d like? she should know what to."

as you spoke, you couldn't help but notice the way yeji was looking at you. it was almost as if she were a predator looking at prey, but you brushed it off, telling yourself that you were just being paranoid. again. "i'll let you know as soon as i hear back from her," you added, trying to steer the conversation away from yeji's intense gaze.

"thank you so much, y/n," yeji said, her voice soft and low. "you know, you've been such a huge help to us lately. i really appreciate it."

you felt yourself become flustered, suddenly feeling uncomfortable under yeji's scrutiny. "oh! thanks but it's nothing, really. i'm just glad to be able to do this for the group."

"by the way," she motioned for you to follow her, "i have another song i feel fits your group. for the future, of course. if you're willing to hear it?"

you hesitated for a moment, unsure if you wanted to be alone with yeji again. but you didn't want to seem rude or ungrateful, so you nodded and followed her into a nearby empty practice room.

as yeji set up the song on the speakers, you couldn't help but feel nervous. you weren't sure if yeji genuinely wanted you to hear the song, or if she had ulterior motives.

the song started to play, and you found yourself surprised by how good it was. the melody was catchy, the lyrics were meaningful, and the production was top-notch. you couldn't help but feel yourself get lost in the beat.

"this is amazing, yeji," you said, genuinely impressed. "i could definitely see us performing this."

yeji grinned, her eyes lighting up. "thank you! i'm so glad you like it. i've been working on it for a while now, and i really wanted to get your opinion on it."

you felt a sense of relief wash over you after hearing yeji’s words. she did just want genuine feedback. maybe it was just a one-time thing. "it sounds great! i have no doubt the girls will like it too. when should we start recording?"

yeji's smile faltered slightly, and you wondered if you had said something wrong. "actually, that's why i wanted to talk to you," she said, her voice taking on a more serious tone. "i was hoping you could help me with the finishing touches."

you raised an eyebrow, unsure of what she meant. "what do you mean?"

yeji hesitated for a moment as if trying to find the right words. "well, i was thinking…you have such a good ear for music, and you're so talented. i was hoping you could help me with producing some elements for the song."

your heart skipped a beat. this was not what you were expecting. you had no experience in producing music, and you didn't want to get in over your head.

"i don't know, yeji," you said, trying to keep your voice calm. "i don't have any experience in producing. i don't want to ruin it or anything."

yeji's expression softened, and she stepped closer to you. "don't be so hard on yourself, y/n. you're an amazing producer. don't let the hate get to you. and besides, i'll be there every step of the way to help you."

you wanted to say no. you wanted to run out of the room and never look back. you never wanted to have to put yourself in such a vulnerable position again. but something about yeji's gaze, something about the way she was looking at you, made it impossible to refuse.

"okay," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "i'll help you."

yeji's smile was blinding, and she pulled you into a tight hug. "thank you so much, y/n. you have no idea how much this means to me." you wrapped your arms around yeji, shivering as she buried her nose into your neck.

"let me show you. show you how much this means to me."

you felt your breath hitch, pulling back to look at yeji. she looked at you with an expectant face, waiting on your next move. you never, ever, wanted to see the comments you saw during your first comeback.

"okay. show me."

[atinylittlepain]

Split Seam

steve harrington x f!oc

part of the girl boy series

18+ allusions to smut, stuffy family dynamics, overall just a fun time tho

a/n | marriage done the standy way, this was fun to write :')

...........................................

It’s raining in Philadelphia and chocolate hearts are on sale at the CVS down the block from his apartment. Valentine’s cards too, pink and purple and red and everything must go. He buys a bottle of seltzer and a chocolate rose. When he gets to the station he unwraps the red tinfoil and takes a large bite out of the bloom. He’s starving, didn’t get lunch at the office today with the usual end of the week scramble of numbers and numbers and suits and numbers. But he’s only got an hour and change on the train. He can hold out, Hershey’s aside. 

He’s done this train ride sixty-two times now. This is number sixty-three, but he’s not keeping track. All he knows is that it still feels like relief when he’s seated and the train starts moving. It’s always felt like a relief to be moving in the same direction as her again.

They’ve gotten this right, he thinks. As right as they possibly could, at least. The first year of what Andy called moderate-to-long distance was hard. Awkward phone calls with long swaths of silence, calls that were missed altogether, crossed wires, cataclysmic blowouts that were and weren’t about the things they argued about. But they’ve made it this far, nearly two years of this perpetual back and forth ache that’s only soothed with train rides, with closing that gap. 

There’s been three apartments in New York, and he’s pretty sure he likes this last one that she’s in the best. Greenwich Village, old brick and pock-marked sidewalks and tall windows that wash warm over lightwood floors, and he likes being the one making this trip because he likes getting to see her in a space that feels like her. And he likes this too, the same as the first sixty-two trips, she’s waiting for him at the station, that brief moment, miracle, within which he sees her but she doesn’t see him. Checking her watch and running a hand back through her hair, in her brown leather coat, sharp and smooth and too cool for a banker from Philly, but she’s here for him, smiling big, smiling everything when her eyes finally catch his. 

This always the same too, a soft, sweet rejoining, her hand curling at the nape of his neck, other arm slung over his shoulder and here, here, she presses her lips to his cheek, her nose sliding in line with his and hi, baby, another kiss, quick, and he’s home. 

“They have you staying late again, don’t they? Or did you get all dressed up just to see me?” Little tug to his tie as they thread through throngs of people, out into the cool damp night in as close of a tangle they can be without getting heckled for it on the street. 

“Catch-up from the holidays, or at least that’s what everyone keeps saying.”

“Right, right, crunching numbers and murdering secretaries American Psycho-style?”

“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?” Little squeeze to her hip, little mean as they continue their walk back to her place. Her grin gets lit up by the neon creeping into the oncoming night. 

“Kidding, your colleagues however, well, yeah.” Well, yeah, Andy had come into town right before Christmas to go to his company holiday party with him, and had gotten into not one, not two, but three verbal altercations with his co-workers about the invisible labor of women, as well as the recession. Not that he would admit it, but he had been impressed, and maybe a little flustered, watching her hold her own amongst the suits. They had left early on account of said flustering, as well as the little snap he had given to one of the suits who told him something about needing a muzzle for that one. The partition in the company-ordered limo was raised when they got back into it, the green velvet of her dress hiked up and up and up exposing sheer black nylon and skin, and they both had forgotten all about the suits and the snap by the time they got back to his apartment. He still gets a little hazy, sweet gauze in his mind when he thinks about it. 

“How are the feminists this week?”

“Oh you know, angry, hairy, generally awesome and oppressed. I turned in my third draft on Wednesday.”

“That’s amazing, honey. It must feel good to be almost finished.” 

“It feels good to finally get my advisor off my ass. Bigger and better things, et cetera, et cetera.” He knows not to ask after bigger and better, having made the mistake once of asking if she had heard back from any of the PhD programs yet. She had smiled a watery thing, and promptly dissolved into a pool of sound and tears, too much, don’t ask. She’ll tell him when the news comes in, he knows, though there still remains a selfish slice of him that hopes and hopes and hopes UPenn comes back with a yes, and she answers with a yes too. But for now this is enough, here, and stopping her on the stairs up to her apartment to press a curved kiss to her mouth, so proud of you, honey. She beams, scoffs, thank you, and it drips with sheepish sweetness, her eyes rolling up to hide the truth of it, but he still catches it, lets her believe he doesn’t when she tugs him into her apartment. 

It’s true what they say about absence and fondness, at least in the case of Sylvia, who lately has been greeting him with a desperate peel of cries, twining around his legs with such a fervor that he has to try hard not to trip over her. No petting though, she still likes to scratch if it isn’t on her terms. 

“Nice flowers.”

“Thank you, someone sent them on Valentine's day.” A veritable flame of roses sits preening in a vase on her kitchen counter. He had asked for the biggest, the best, no expenses spared because he’s making money now, real money, and any gifts for her have to be a sneak attack because of it. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Mmhmm, you better watch out because it looks like you have some competition from another suitor.” She lays the accent on thick, her family’s accent, soo-tah, throws in a waggle of her fingers, ring glinting for good measure. The ring, and the whole ordeal of it. There had been no family heirlooms left to ask Frank and Kitty Broder permission for, just a nervous conversation the day after Thanksgiving, the one before last, sweating hard beneath his collar and hands shaking. Because while Andy is anything but traditional, Steve picked up pretty fast that this was not quite the case with her parents. A fiance of the second oldest had clued him in on as much the first time Steve was brought home to meet the family, summer break and a big reunion, plenty of hands to shake and names to forget. And the second oldest’s fiance had sidled up next to Steve with a sloshing glass of prosecco and the grin of someone who had figured this whole production out. Somewhere between the mafia and the Vatican, you do the math, man. 

Frank was unmoved, tolerant of the idea at best, considering him over the dark rims of his Buddy Holly-esque glasses, a stylish man, tall and thin man with a slick of gray hair and a thick gold ring that could blind you if it flashed the wrong way. He only had one question for Steve which, mercifully, he could answer correctly. Yes, he told Frank, raised Roman Catholic, though he left the non-practicing part out. Meanwhile, Kitty was already designing the invitations in her mind. 

And that wasn’t even the hard part. Because yes, hasty by some judgements (Eddie’s), and unlikely by other judgements, given Andy’s views (Robin). But he knew, he knew, spent a few months looking for a ring in the evenings when he’d get off work. When he did find one, he didn’t even wait a week, letting the black velvet box burn a hole in his pocket on the train ride to New York that very same weekend. And the proposal itself was simple, no fuss or fanfare, if not a little nerve-wracking. He spoke honestly, plainly. He spoke love. And he’s never known relief like he did when she smiled and told him there’s no one else I’d ever say yes to, baby. So maybe it’s hasty, and maybe it’s all skewed a little unorthodox. But it’s theirs. 

“They better act fast then, got that appointment tomorrow and all.”

“Did you bring all your documents?”

“Driver’s license, social security number. We’re set, honey.”’

“I’m still not changing my last name.”

“No, I know, I don’t care about that.”

“My mother is pissed about it, apparently so is yours.” 

“I think when all this is said and done, those two are gonna leave their husbands and move in with each other.” 

“God, that’d be good for them, or maybe terrible.” 

“Little of both, probably.”  One of the stranger outcomes of this whole wedding thing, the alliance that’s formed between Diane and Kitty. Though maybe not that strange, he thinks, certainly plenty of common in between them. At the very least, this wedding wouldn’t be happening next month without the pair of them leading the absolute battle charge of planning they’ve accomplished. Kitty’s words, knowing my Miranda, she’d be happy with a shotgun wedding in Reno, and Andy hadn’t disagreed, happy to leave all the cake and the flowers and the tulle up to their mothers. Steve was more than happy to stay out of the fray too.

“You didn’t eat lunch, did you?”

“How can you tell?”

“Steve, you never eat lunch. I ordered Thai before I left to get you,Tom Kha Gai and egg rolls, the usual. It should be here soon.” 

And the rest of the evening is very boring, very mundane, a third-floor window lit up warm, and framed inside of it, them on the couch with a smattering of takeout boxes. His tie undone and hanging loose around his neck, top three buttons of his shirt popped as well. Warmth and salt and sour sating him, he goes slack when she tries to teach him how to properly hold his chopsticks, moreso enjoying the feeling of her hands fidgeting with his fingers, her careful concentration. He goes right back to using a fork when she’s finished, grinning at the roll of her eyes. And afterwards, stomachs full and eyes heavy, worn weary from their respectively long weeks, they get into the shower, all kind touch, simple pleasure, her fingers kneading back along his scalp and his hands soaped and slipping over her skin, working into the spots that he knows ache, satisfaction in her sighs. 

Soon, he thinks, hopes, this won’t be a thing they have to ration, all this touch, all this sense, all this closeness. This will simply become the thing they do every night, getting into bed together and talking about things that don’t really matter while their bodies relearn one another. He wants these things in a near dizzying way, big, bold, brazen want that simmers and sighs in her presence, tired kisses, and it’s enough, her hand in his hair, and it’s enough. 

He wakes up the next morning bleary-eyed with want, eager for this early morning appointment at the county clerk’s office, because this is another step, big step, making it even more real step. They both seem to feel it, quiet over the rims of their coffee mugs, smiling, and what? What? What’re you smiling about? It’s a big day, isn’t it? Yeah, nervous? No, you? Not at all, no. And he means that when he says it. There are few things in his life that he has been so certain about. 

And yes, maybe they had a romantic idea of how this would go, but it really is just paperwork in a dimly lit cubicle, and signatures here and here and yes, wedding will take place within sixty days. Steve tries to make a joke about cousins, and is only met with a blank look from the clerk, and a swift side-eye from Andy. 

But when the paperwork is signed and there’s a manilla envelope with their wedding license in his hand, there is a lightness, a lift, a giddy kick, like kids getting away with something when they leave the office. Tucked in close to each other, a little oblivious, and maybe a little obnoxious, and a man walking the other way lets them know as much, bumping right into Steve’s shoulder and watch it! And without missing a beat, Andy’s head whipping around and hey, fuck you, we just got married! Which, well, technically not, but it still makes them both laugh a breathless thing, wild, wind-bitten smiles. And they’re still running on all that flare and fluster when they get back to her apartment, open-mouthed kisses and greedy hands and she has to hold him back by the lapel of his coat to grin an awful thing and you wanna see the dress? 

“You have it?”

“Yeah.”

“Like, here, right now?”

“Yes, Steve, it’s been fitted and everything. Locked and loaded and ready to blast me off into marital bliss with you, et cetera, et cetera. Now, do you, or don’t you, want to be the first, the very first, to see it on me in all its matrimonious glory?” 

“Isn’t that bad luck?”

“Baby, please.” She groans, pressing her forehead against his, and really, he’s just giving her a hard time, because he knows what this means to her, beneath all the snark. The first to see it before anyone else, before the rehearsal, and the aisle, and all the family that neither of them really care to have present. A moment for them, just for them, and no one else. 

“You really want me to see?”

“Mmhmm.” Quiet, crackling murmurs, whispered between smiles.

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’d like to see.” 

“Go sit on the couch, I’ll be right back.” And so he does, a little shake in his hands, a little burst and batter of his heart against his ribs. Nervous now, and he’s not sure why, the ticking of the clock pulling taut and loose all over like melted taffy. And then, and then, the padding of bare feet, and the hard rush of blood in his ears, and the sweet exhale when he does finally see her. 

“Honey.” Bordering on pained, the word is said with a sigh, and he’s not going to, no, no, just a little flush of heat behind his eyes and in his throat and Andy’s baby, don’t cry makes him sniff hard and swallow, his hand settling on her hip when she steps closer between his legs. Smooth white silk and simple, and her hair is still gathered in the clip she tucked it up into this morning and she’s still wearing a smear of Vaseline on her lips and she’s the best thing he’s ever seen, he thinks. Tells her as much and she smiles big, chin tucked down and her thumb stroking along the column of his neck where her hand is loosely curled. 

“Well, thoughts?” 

“Wow, just wow, yeah, no other thoughts.” He knows she’s going to start wilting under any more compliments, never one for them, a warbly Steve that makes him smile, squeezing at her hip, coaxing her to c’mere, c’mere, even as she resists his pull.

“If you fuck up this dress we’re gonna have a problem.”

“Not gonna fuck it up, just come a little closer. I wanna, uh, look at the stitching.” 

“You’re so full of shit.” Even as she says it, her smile is starting to slip and spread, another shuffled step closer as his hands splay across her low back, and lower, and lower, and a squeeze that’s just a little mean, making her laugh while he starts to hike all that silk up and up into his hands. 

A few weeks later, when he’s met with the sight of her in that dress in a very, very different context, all he can think about is that afternoon. No one will ever know that he got to see her first in that dress, before anyone else. Nor will they know that they spent the rest of that afternoon splayed on her living room floor with the fabric of her dress bunched up around her hips and his hands curled into the plush of her thighs and his mouth, open and taking, watching the dip and fold of fine fabric, the arch of her back, pleasure for pleasure’s sake. No one will know that in the after, his hips stilled and flush against hers, both of them panting and preening into each other’s kisses, they found the smallest tear at her hip, and that she couldn’t be mad about it, not even a little, when he sunk back down between her legs and laid his apology at the open hinge of her hips. 

He’ll find that tear again, when the vows are said, and the family and friends are clapping, and they’re walking down the aisle together, his hand on her hip. He’ll find the tear then, the perfect secret shared between them in a quick glancing smile.

[abiiors]

1. she's american // george daniel x oc

a/n: erratic is literally the only word i have to describe it. like i don't have a posting schedule, i don't have a masterlist for it yet (i'll add the link when i have one). idk how many chapters. this literally doesn't even have a canon-accurate timeline!! but i wrote something and i wanted to publish it so i did. hope you enjoy! discussions about it in my asks are always welcome hehe <3 cw: arguments and yelling?? can't really think of any hard warnings wc: 3.2k masterlist

it is a truth universally acknowledged that something must go wrong every time i land in london. this time, it’s matty texting me that he can’t come pick me up from the airport. 

soz, mate. his text reads, really urgent work came up. i’m sending a friend to pick u up tho. i’ll make it up to u tonight. xx. to compound the annoyance of it, a blast of july heat hits me square in the face when i step off the plane and onto the tarmac. 

“make it up” i lightly scoff to myself; make it up is code-word for plying my with cheap beer, greasy pizza and, sure, great weed. i have this routine rehearsed—it’s the same thing we’ve been doing since the age of 14. 

friend? i text back and start making my way towards immigration and the luggage carousels. heathrow is just as big as i remember—massive and winding and really fucking beige for some reason. stepping onto the escalator, i take another peek at my phone and at the three dots bouncing in place, waiting for him to finish typing his message. 

yeah. george. he responds.

george… i try to conjure up a face for the name. somewhere in the back of my mind, i know it’s familiar. george…matty’s friend george. my phone dings again. 

[attachment: 1 image]

it’s a photo of a man, a boy really… he looks like he’s matty’s age and it clicks in my head. this is george and i have most definitely seen him before. his wavy, dirty blond hair is piled on top of his head haphazardly, like he couldn’t be bothered with them at all. the dark roots peek from underneath. george stares directly at the camera, a straight face—straight nose and straight full lips. everything about him screams cool nonchalance. right down to the nondescript white t-shirt he’s wearing. 

and this boy is coming to pick me up after i’ve just travelled for eight hours all the way from new york. 

subconsciously, i sniff at my t-shirt. yep, the sweat combined with the general stink of the airport clings to me like cobwebs. what i really need is a long, cold shower followed by an even longer nap. what i get, however, is a long line at the immigration counter. 

passport clutched in my hand, i look around the area. behind me, an american couple chatters excitedly and plans their itinerary. ahead of me, a british mother reprimands her child for biting his nails. it’s jarring that the american couple’s accents are more familiar to me than the mother and her child’s. 

it’s jarring that despite being gone only four years, everything about london already feels foreign. 

“next please,” the immigration officer calls out, jerking me out of my thoughts. it’s a simple process really. once he sees my british passport, all he has to do is match my face to it and stamp it. 

“thanks,” i mumble when he hands it back to me. 

“welcome home,” he responds and smiles that kind, old man smile.

my heart snags on the word. home. and my life back in new york briefly flashes in front of my eyes; a quick montage of tall skyscrapers and glittery new york nights—but i shake my head and clear the thoughts away. 

yep, home is here now. and that’s all that matters.

bags in my hand, i make my way to the exit, craning my neck and looking all around me for any sign of the dirty blond hair from the photo. 

this is not how i had imagined it would be. i had imagined running into matty’s arms and breathing in his familiar scent, shoving each other playfully until we dissolved into fits of giggles. i had imagined familiarity and comfort; not having to find a practically unknown man in a sea of other unknown people. and even though i had his picture on my phone, i had no way of—

“cleo?”

i turn mid-thought at the sound of my name. the voice that speaks it is rich and deep, gravelly even. yet it’s not a voice i recognise. and then i spot him standing about ten feet away from me. george. 

he stares at me in a scrutinising way, then looks at the phone in his hand and looks back up at me. looks like i’m not the only one with a stranger’s picture in my phone. 

“george?” i raise my hand in greeting and smile slightly. there’s no doubt it’s a tired, pathetic smile but it will have to do. 

this is the first time i’m seeing him properly. and wow, he’s tall. all my life i’ve been used to matty and his almost six feet (the thought makes me smile, i know how mad he gets at the “almost”) but george is so much taller, with broad shoulders and toned arms that are littered with tattoos; colourful tattoos that i try not to gawk at but fail anyway. 

he nods once and starts walking in my direction; long graceful steps that should not belong to someone so huge. and yet in five long strides, he’s covered the entire distance between us. 

subconsciously, i lose a sigh. after the last 24 hours, all i want is for someone to carry my bags for me and preferably gently manhandle me so i won’t have to do the laborious task of walking. 

george does no such thing. 

he walks towards me and right past. and then, while i stand there gaping slightly, he turns around. “the car is parked this way.”

translation: are you an idiot? 

that’s what his tone screams anyway, and confusion along with annoyance washes over me. what the fuck is his problem? i get that he probably got saddled with the task of picking me up on a hot summer day but taking it out on me is hardly the fair thing to do. i roll my eyes and follow him out of the airport and towards the car park. 

dragging my two large trolley bags behind me and trying to keep up with his long strides is no easy task. by the time the entrance to the car park comes into view, i’m jogging lightly and panting to keep up with him. sweat rolls down my back in rivulets while the sun blazes overhead. it’s only 10 am but i am ready to go back to bed for six hours preferably. 

fuck george and fuck his long legs. i refuse to ask him to slow down. 

a mildly beaten-down ford focus comes into view and george opens the trunk before motioning at my bags. i resist the urge to baulk at him—so now he wants to help? wordlessly, i hand the luggage to him and mumble a quick thanks. 

then i turn around and make my way to the passenger side door. 

i realise my mistake far too late. or rather as soon as our hands brush, attempting to open the same door and i jerk mine away like i’ve just touched a live wire. george looms behind me, quiet judgement radiating off of him, probably wondering why i’m on his side of the car. 

i turn around, face burning with embarrassment and something unexplained, only to come face to face—face to chest, rather—with a very unimpressed george. heat radiates off his body this close, heat and an earthy, sweet perfume that i’ve never smelled on anyone else before. 

“sorry,” i back away, “american habits.” but his face remains passive and his eyes trained on the door handle. 

“right. sorry,” i squeak and practically run back to the right door this time. 

i curse softly, at the wind, this entire day. this city and this entire fucking island. but mostly i curse at stupid american habits and stupid british girls who get used to them.

london is crowded as always; at least, that part is similar to new york. except here i see red double-deckers crawling along leisurely instead of yellow cabs zooming by, waiting for no one. in the twenty minutes, we’ve been on the road, the sun has disappeared giving way to grey clouds. the only sound in the car is the whirr of the aircon and the radio playing some old 80s hits at a low volume. everything else is an awkward silence. 

“so matty’s not free today?” i ask. well, i try but all i get from him is a shake of the head before he angrily overtakes the car in front of us. 

“and he’s not going to be free all day?”

“dunno. later maybe, in the evening.”

that’s the most words he’s said to me at one go. and it’s also a pretty clear indicator that he’s done with this conversation—well, ‘conversation’ is pushing it anyway. i just look out the window and at the taxi next to us. 

it’s the american couple from before; excitedly looking out their windows and pointing at all the buildings. i imagine it’s their first time, they certainly have the ‘americans in europe’ air about them. i imagine their day is going leagues better than mine is; i imagine them going back to their hotel room, spending their day being loved up and excited about their holiday. they’ll take photos, eat nice food. they’ll laugh around being silly and saying exaggerated british slang in exaggerated english accents. and then they’ll go home, back to some place that is theirs. 

i snap my gaze back to my lap. 

london is not so bad. matty is here. if i could make a life in new york from scratch then i can do it again. besides i already have friends here, it can’t be that difficult. right?

my phone buzzes in my hands bringing me out of my thoughts. 

nate. 

i have the sudden and violent urge to be carsick. nate, after everything, he has the nerve to try to call me. with more force than necessary, i stab the red button and close my eyes. if george has noticed any of this, he doesn’t react. 

images flash in front of my eyes in a dizzying blur after that—nate. new york. nights that used to blend into dawns. nate. champagne that flowed freely. laughter. friends. happiness. nate. heartbreak. and quite possibly utter ruin, if i want to be dramatic about it.

my phone buzzes again and this time i don’t even pay attention to it. 

george, however, side-eyes it and then shakes his head. “are you gonna get that?” 

i whip my head to look at him, riffling through several responses in my head to politely tell him that this is none of his business. 

half an hour of knowing him and i can already feel annoyance settling between us. george stares at me while we wait for the light to turn green. one of his perfectly shaped eyebrows is raised high, his mouth twisted in almost a grimace. what the fuck is his deal? has he never heard a phone buzzing before?

“no,” i reply curtly and go back to staring straight ahead, glaring at the double decker blocking my view of anything else. 

half a minute later, the phone buzzes again. and george stares. again. 

“for fuck sake,” he grumbles to himself, looking like he’d rather run us straight into the bus than sitting here with me for two more minutes. 

“have i done something to you?” i turn to face him fully, eyes trained on him as he shifts the gear and starts driving again. 

his jaw ticks at my question. i imagine his molars grinding down hard against each other in frustration as his fingers drum restlessly on the steering wheel. 

“no,” he grits out in the same tone i had before. 

“then what the f–then what is your problem with me?” i ask, controlling myself last minute. there’s no need to get rude just yet. 

george, obviously, ignores that and continues to mutter something to himself that i can’t quite clearly make out. 

fuck this and fuck him.

i think back to the last 24 hours i’ve had. i think back to packing my bags while sobbing so hard that i couldn’t see two inches in front of me. of having to figure out a way to get to the airport without nate. of having no one to say goodbye to, no one to tell me that they will miss me. i think back to four years in new york and how by the end of it i was almost back to square one. 

“it’s distracting,” he replies and i resist the urge to scoff. it’s hardly that bad. it’s literally just a phone buzzing. “if you don’t want to get it then turn it off.”

i’m almost certain that by now my jaw is on the floor of his messy car—no, seriously. i don’t know how someone would want to have that many receipts and empty beer cans in their backseat—but george has some nerve!

“what the fuck!?” i glare at him, not even bothering to conceal my irritation now and i have no doubt that if it weren’t for the busy road, he would be glaring right back at me. his hands grip the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turn white. 

“listen,” i continue, “i know you’re mad that matty made you come pick me up—”

“oh you think you know why i’m pissed off?” he retorts, cutting me off halfway. strike fucking two. 

“but i’m not going to sit here and take your shit.” i finish, ignoring him entirely. almost as if the universe were on my side, george turns onto a familiar street. extremely familiar, in fact. i know where i am, i know matty’s house is a five minute walk from here. internally i whoop with joy. 

“in fact,” i continue, mustering up all my snark, “i am not going to sit here at all.” then like a maniac, i put one hand on the door handle and jut my chin up in defiance. “stop the car right now and open the trunk.”

predictably, george stares at me like i’ve lost my mind. and maybe i really have because the next thing i’m doing is unbuckling my seatbelt and tightening my hold on the door handle. 

“stop the car right now, george or i swear to god, i’ll start screaming for help.”

if i weren't so pissed off, it'd be funny how his eyes go as wide as saucers in the span of half a second, how fast his head whips to me.

“you are fucking INSANE!” he yells and pulls over as fast as he can, “fuck, i don’t know what matty sees in you,” he spits and yanks his door open. 

i sit there frozen for a second, all the anger and snark almost leaving my body at his words. almost. but then i hear the trunk opening and the sound of two bags being harshly thrown onto the pavement. 

letting out a string of curses that are aimed at him, his family and at least ten generations of his ancestors, i stomp over to where he’s thrown my bags casually. i don’t stop there. i march up to him, staring him right in the face until i am on the curb and tall enough to reach his chin. 

“you!” i stab my finger in his chest, “don’t get to say that about me.”

george rolls his eyes looking down at me as if i were about as threatening as a baby penguin. and i have the sudden and insane urge to climb on his car so i would finally be tall enough to look down my nose at him. 

“i don’t know what matty sees in you!” i continue the finger-stabbing, just once more to drive the point home but the insufferable man in front of me only scoffs lightly. 

“very original of you,” he drawls, “now if you’re done…” he trails off before his massive hand wraps around my wrist and pushes my hand away. his fingers are warm and rough. calloused hands. 

someone who’s used to being rough with everything he touches. 

and just like that, he’s walking away and back into his car while i’m left fuming on the pavement. honestly fuck george and fuck everything else, i’m just ready to write this entire day off and rot in bed. 

with more force than necessary, i start yanking my bags behind me, practically stomping till the end of the lane where matty’s house stands. george and his car don’t move. 

i imagine him in there fuming like i am right now and then scream out in frustration. a bird in a nearby tree flies away in panic. 

i should not be thinking about that dickhead at all. 

when i’m halfway through the lane, the car starts back up. driving behind me, following like a creep. well, that’s an exaggeration—i imagine he has to report back to matty that i made it to the house safe. still, i want to turn around and yell at him to fuck off. 

between planning his evil demise and chanting all my angry thoughts, i finally reach the house at the end of the lane and freeze. because i realise i don’t have his keys, matty’s not home and i have no way of getting in. and the only person who probably has said keys is currently sitting in his car right behind me. 

slowly, like in one of those cheesy horror movies, i turn around and look in the direction of the car. through the window, i see george rhythmically tapping on the steering wheel, glancing at me while a slow smirk curls onto his face. i can feel the smugness radiating off of him all the way to where i’m standing. 

evil little shit. 

he takes his sweet little time, getting out the car and sauntering toward the front door. before he gets to the door, he stops in front of me, face carefully blank once again with only a hint of arrogance in his eyes. 

“need my help again?” george asks and my god does it take all my restraint not to punch him right in the face. 

“just give me the bloody keys and leave, george,” i spit at him and watch his face morph into confusion. 

he stares at me for a second longer than he should, eyebrows creasing and eyes hardening as wariness creeps in. “why would i give you my keys?”

“so i can get in, you idiot—wait your keys?”

i open and close my mouth like a fish, trying to make sense of his words. he doesn’t mean what i think he means, right? this is all just a stupid misunderstanding? 

“my keys,” he confirms and dangles them right in front of my face so that a tiny metal g smacks me in the nose. 

my throat feels drier than the nevada desert. beads of sweat roll down the back of my neck. and it’s not just sweat from the humidity—no, this is a cold sweat. impending doom and bad omens and whatnot. 

trying to clear my throat, i speak again in a rough, whispery voice, “why do you have keys to matty’s house?” 

but even i know how stupid that sounds before it’s even left my mouth. because why would he have keys to matty’s house. unless…

unless it’s not just his house. and george is not just his best friend. no, george, stupid and utterly infuriating george is also his housemate. 

and now he’s about to be mine too. 

lemme know what you think <33

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[neowinestainedress]

𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐔𝐒 — 𝐂𝐇. 𝟔

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 — 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 — 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐗 — 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: lee haechan x oc ; na jaemin x oc ; haechan x ex girlfriend!oc, na jaemin x haechan's ex girlfriend!oc 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄: angst, smut, fluff, childhood best friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, exes to lovers, lovers to exes 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: everything falls apart and putting back the pieces to start brand new is harder than expected. but it’s time to move on and address feelings that have been hiding for too long, but most importantly, try to not mess up another time. 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: angst, smut, alcohol consumption, fing*ring, sq*irting, unprotected s*x, dirty talk, oral s*x, switchy/subby hyuck (no dom/sub dynamics tho), hair pulling, kinda hate s*x (there are unresolved feelings coming out), fingers sucking, handj*b 𝐖𝐂: +19k 𝐀/𝐍: this chapter is a long ass ride, so brace yourself!!! listen to this if you want to cry harder in the first part. since we’re coming to the end (and i think there's a lot to discuss this time) PLEASE reblog and leave feedback to show support and let me know what you think! enjoy ♡

Gathering the courage to be the one to bring this news was never in Hyejin’s plans. Her plans were clear, the picture of her future with Haechan had been in her mind for years by now as she added details with each passing day, sure with every passing second, he would’ve always been by her side. So being the one that would’ve torn that picture in shreds in a few moments felt like the most agonizing nightmare she ever had to live. 

But it was for the better, right? It couldn’t be. It wasn’t meant to be. Love meant to be able to let go when it was clear nothing was holding people together anymore, and she loved Haechan dearly and deeply. 

“Hi,” she said, voice barely higher than a whisper, when Haechan opened the door of his place. “Are you alone?” 

Haechan nodded. “Yeah, why?” 

She would’ve found the teasing tone in his voice and the sexy smirk on his face exciting, but it wasn’t the moment for that. Everything they knew would’ve fallen apart in a few instants. 

“I need to talk to you,” she replied, stepping in as he moved to the side before closing the door. 

He raised a brow, staring at her with surprise on his face, immediately understanding something was going on. “Are you okay?” 

Hyejin nodded. No, she wasn’t. “I think it’s better if we sit.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked again to make sure nothing happened. 

“Just, please, let’s sit.” 

Haechan hummed, not really convinced, and sat on the couch next to her. 

“I thought about this a lot,” she started saying, forcing herself to look into his eyes, but it felt too painful, and her gaze met the ground as she let out those painful words, “I think this should end.” 

Haechan blinked repeatedly, thinking he heard wrong. She couldn’t mean… “Excuse me?” 

She gulped, lifting her head, and squeezing her eyes to push the tears back. “I don’t think this is working.” 

“This is… us?” He asked to make sure they were talking about the same thing. 

Hyejin hummed, rubbing her nose which was starting to tickle from the cries she was holding back. 

Haechan laughed, it was a panicked laugh full of disbelief as he shook his head. “No, is it April first?” 

She shook her head, swallowing hard. “I mean it.” 

“I… I thought we were fine,” he said, feeling lost because nothing of this made sense in his mind. Why was she breaking this up? 

“I thought that too,” she breathed out. “But I honestly feel we’re not meant to be.” 

“But why?” Now the one holding back tears was Haechan, still searching for her eyes that were avoiding his. 

“For so many little things, Hyuck. But I don’t want to fight.” 

“Don’t you think I need to know why you’re ending us after three years? I’ve already been left without a word, I don’t think I deserve it.” 

She snickered bitterly. “See, you brought the first problem up yourself.” 

Haechan’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about?” 

“Zoya,” she said more sternly than she planned, and he scoffed, standing up from the couch. 

“You’re breaking up with me because of her?” He asked, voice full of anger and shock. 

“Yes, because I’m not crazy, and I know you, Hyuck. I know your eyes when they are full of love, and every time they stop on her…” Hyejin sighed, torturing her lower lip and bouncing her leg nervously, “they will never shine so bright when they are on me.” 

He shook his head, murmuring ‘nos’ under his breath, feeling his lungs hurt as he pushed back sobs. “That’s not true, she’s in the past. She… she hurt me so badly, I…” 

“And? Does it matter? The heart doesn’t care much about what hurts us.” 

“But I don’t love her,” he screamed. “I don’t want to love her, and I love you. I love you.” 

Hyejin shook her head, tears falling freely as she couldn’t hold herself together anymore. Hearing those words, those damned three words she longed for for so long caused more pain than all those years spent wishing on a wishful fantasy. 

“Please, don’t let your fears come between us,” he begged, moving closer to her, kneeling in front of her. 

“But they’re not fears,” she said, “you choose her over me, you don’t even see how much you still want her.” 

“I wouldn’t cheat on you.” 

“I know,” she replied, smiling bitterly because a part of her wished he did. It would’ve been so easy, she would’ve had a reason to hate him, but instead, she had this beautiful thing in her hands, and she had to tear it apart. “I know you’re not cheating, but I know your heart is not on me.” 

“That’s not true,” he insisted. “We were friends before being lovers.” 

Yeah, and so were we. She thought. And only one of us is destined to be more; not us. 

When she didn’t answer, he sighed. “Are you seriously breaking up with me because of her?”

“It’s not only her, Donghyuck.”

He groaned. “And then what’s the problem?” 

“It’s us. It’s the way… I’m always the one making time for us. I’d go to the moon for you, and it’s not a burden for me, but I deserve more.” 

Haechan didn’t say anything, just cried silently. He had failed. He had tried so hard to love her, and yet he had failed.

“And even when we’re together it just doesn’t feel right. Not like it used to be when we started dating, and not even like when we were friends.” 

Haechan kept shaking his head. Thinking he was going insane. “No, I’m… I’ve been too busy with work, and I had a hard time.”

She grabbed his hands. “I don’t want you to constantly be with me, I want you to be happy when you’re with me, even if it’s just five minutes a day. And I… I feel we’re the happiest when our relationship looks like we’re friends. When we have those moments, when I don’t try to kiss you or search for your hand, I…” she sighed, feeling her heart sting. “I’m so, so happy you tried to make this work for us. I… I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same happiness I felt when we kissed the first time, or when you told me you loved me back, but I can’t keep living in a lie.” 

“But it’s not a lie, I love you,” he said almost screaming, choking on his words as tears made it hard to breathe. “I do, I love you.” 

“I know you do. If there’s one thing in this world I will never question is the love that ties us, but as painful as it is for me to admit, the love that ties us is not romantic, Hyuck. It will never be.” 

Haechan didn’t reply, he only fell on his knees, hugging her as she sat on the couch and lulled him in her hold. Keeping him close while her fingers ran in his hair. 

She always knew him before he knew himself. It had always been like this. Haechan could stare in the mirror and still don’t get himself as easily and swiftly as she did. And even if it hurt, that was the truth he wasn’t ready to accept. Time. Hyejin knew he only needed time to realize this was the right thing. Otherwise, they would’ve forced this thing to work until it would’ve torn them down and ripped away even the last residues of the beautiful relationship they always had. The truth didn’t help to make this hurt less. It didn’t stop his tears from feeling like bullets ricocheting in her heart and it didn’t stop his pleas to don’t leave him from feeling like life leaving her. She was the executioner and she had to cut deep. To promise him that eventually, they will be friends again. But not now, not so soon.

“I think it’s better to take a bit of time away from each other. We’re not what we used to be, we’re not kids or dumb teenagers anymore, and as much as I love you, I think it’s time we find our new selves.” 

Haechan sobbed louder, hands clenching around her shirt, and pulling her closer to him. “You want to stop being friends too?” 

“I need time, Hyuck. I need to find myself, I need to find my place in this world, and it kills me knowing my place here is not by your side.” 

“But why? Can’t I make it work? I’ll be a better boyfriend this time.” 

She cried, holding back a sob. “I can’t give you what you need, and you can’t give me what I need. I will always be glad for everything you gave me, but I… I need to stop loving so much, I need to stop letting love consume me until there’s nothing left for me.”

“I can prove you,” he mumbled, sniffling as he pulled back to look into her eyes. “I can make this work. We can make this work. Like we have always done. It’s us, it will always be us.”

“No,” she whispered, caressing his cheeks as her eyes melted into his brown ones, a strange mix of something that was home and something that was a foreign land. “Not this time, Hyuck. It won’t be us anymore.”

“But I… I don’t know how to live without you.” 

She smiled. “You know. And we both know it will be scary but… I think it’s what we both need. You’ll thank me one day.” 

“No, I’ll… I…” he sobbed, lowering his head, torturing his hands more. 

“I can’t give you anything more, it will kill me.” 

Haechan cried louder. “And what am I supposed to do without you?” 

“Find your happiness,” she said. “Take her back, because I’m sure she loves you just as much.” 

“No,” he sobbed, “don’t do that. You used to — you used to do that when you loved me in silence, and I couldn’t see what you gave me.” 

“I know, but I know that it’s the right thing right now. I know there’s something bright and beautiful waiting for us, and if you don’t hurt, if you don’t bleed, you can’t heal and step out of the darkness.” 

Haechan didn’t reply. He didn’t agree. He didn’t understand this. He felt so many emotions but he couldn’t deal with any of them. Too all over the place, crashing on him like a sudden waterfall. And he looked at her, trying to find a piece of what he loved the most to hold on to, and she was still there. She was always there. Full of love, for him. But this was the end, she wasn’t his anymore, and he wasn’t hers. Everything he knew in these past years was vanishing in front of his eyes and he couldn’t stop her. Once again, he was losing whom he loved so much, and he was powerless, watching her go. 

“Do you hate me?” 

“I don’t,” she reassured him. “But I need to let you go.” She stood up and Haechan grabbed her hand, squeezing before she let it fall. 

“Don’t go,” he whispered. 

“I have to,” she said, smiling weakly. “I love you.” 

The door closed, and the cold air of the night sank deep into her bones. There were no words for the ache she was feeling, just like there were no words for the feeling that, behind all the pain, was telling her it was the right thing to do. 

Sometimes the most painful thing to do is the right thing to find a better start. To find the true road destined for us. And Hyejin knew it, deep in her soul, that that was the right thing; it was time to go. 

Falling out of love with someone you still deeply love is the worst feeling in the world. And you can only trick yourself so much into hoping something better waits for you. But when the rain doesn’t seem to stop, when the sun doesn’t shine, it’s hard to look out of the window and wish for a rainbow. 

May was a month Hyejin hated already, the weather would start to get hotter, the library would fill with students studying for their tests, and the mosquitos would start biting her ankles. 

May was a month Hyejin hated more now, other than the usual, she didn’t have her rides back home with Haechan, and she didn’t have her future anymore.

Hyejin never liked having to rewrite her plans. She made them in a certain way at the start for a reason, so there was no point drawing a line on them and doing it all over again. But she was left with no choice. 

So instead of redrawing the picture she yearned for ages, she sat in her room, staring at the white wall, hoping for changes to show themselves. 

If she was a warm light before, she was now a dark cloud bringing her gloominess around. She had to find herself, but that felt so scary when she didn’t have her other half by her side after a whole life together. She felt like a bird learning to fly, or a lamb taking its first steps. It was scary, and the only outcome possible seemed to be a catastrophe.

So she tried to hang on to the other people she loved the most. Going out with Yeri and Ningning when possible, or simply doing the things she loved the most on her own. She even thought about calling Jaemin, she missed him much, but after the small exchange of texts after the break up (“hey, heard what happened, if you need to talk I’m here!” and “yeah, thanks, I’ll call you if I need it”) nothing happened between them. 

“Zoya?” She asked when the bell rang on a late afternoon on Saturday. 

“Can I come in?” 

Hyejin frowned, not understanding what she was doing there, but let her in anyway. “Sure. Need something?” 

The girl shrugged, sitting on the couch. “Wanted to check on you. Haechan is a mess.” 

Hyejin didn’t say a word, she simply stared at her, standing up close to the couch. “I’m fine.” 

Zoya chuckled. “Sure you are. You broke up with the love of your life and want to tell me, you’re doing fine.”

Hyejin frowned. “What would you know about me, about us?” 

She expected Zoya to react, but she simply smiled, snickering and lifting her hands up. “I’m here in peace. Trying to help a friend, if you still consider me one,” she said, eyes moving from her to the empty spot on the couch, a spot that got filled when Hyejin preferred to don’t answer. 

“He’s not the love of my life,” Hyejin said bitterly. 

Zoya sighed. “I think it’s funny.” 

“What?” 

“How we both left thinking he loved the other more.” 

Hyejin’s eyes widened, staring at her in disbelief. “You did what? Wait, what did he tell you?” 

“A lot of nothing, if I have to be honest. He was a crying mess, and then he fell asleep. Understood a bit more from Jaemin that has been listening to his nagging for weeks now.” 

“I didn’t leave him because of you,” Hyejin whispered. “Not only. But you? I left giving him reasons, you left without a word. And left me there to mend the scars you caused.” 

“I know,” she said. “And I feel guilty to this day, Hye. But I was a teenager, I was afraid. I… I always felt like I came between you two and whatever thing you had going on. Why do you think I tried to drift apart from our trio? I felt like I didn’t fit in that magic that naturally flew between you. But I would always come back, somehow. So I thought, fine, I belong there, and then… then we started dating. But when I got the news that I had to go back home, my fears took over again. I was terrified that… I was sure he would’ve stopped loving me and realize the feelings he hid for you.” 

“He never loved me.” 

“I could only see love behind his eyes, and I still do to this day. I felt like I could never compare to you. You were you, and I know it’s such a cliché thing to say but you know him more than he knows himself, so how could I compare,” Zoya explained, her lips curled in a small, bittersweet smile.  

Hyejin furrowed. “So you left? You hurt him… why?” 

“I wanted to tell him, but I was afraid he would’ve convinced me to try to make it work with the distance.” 

“Why would it have been a bad thing?” She almost screamed, even angrier now that she knew all the pain he went through could’ve been avoided. 

“I don’t like it. And… and I feared he would’ve cheated on me with you.” 

“You’re so stupid,” Hyejin exhaled, eyes wide. “How could you even think that?” 

“But that’s what happened!” 

“It happened because you left, because you hurt him, and probably he never even loved me like that, he just had wounds too big to mend on his own and he used me to do that.” 

“Are you saying he never loved you?”

“Not like he loved you. Not like a lover, but always like a friend.”

Zoya shook her head. 

“You do know how much you leaving without a word hurt him, right?” 

“I know. But I also knew he had you. And you were always ready to… to do anything for him, I thought it was safe. I thought a silly teenage love story couldn’t hurt him this bad. I didn’t think I meant so much to him. I thought his whole world revolved around you.” 

Hyejin snickered. “I thought his whole world revolved around you.”

“God, we’re both so dumb, aren’t we?” 

Hyejin laughed, tears rolling down her face as she threw her head back in a sigh. 

“Don’t pretend you’re fine,” Zoya said, caressing her hair back and letting her thumb caress her cheek. “I know our friendship is weird, and I did my best to ruin it, but if you want to, I’m here… for you.” 

Hyejin hummed, turning around, and meeting her eyes. “It’s just hard… letting it all go, and learning how to rebuild a house you thought was your home.” 

“So why don’t you go back home?” 

“Because it’s not mine. Because it was never mine,” she whispered, pulling her knees to her chest. “It’s not about you, it’s about us. We don’t work together, not romantically. That’s not my place in his life, and his in mine. And I don’t like it one bit, but it’s not the end of the world,” she chuckled bitterly. “I’m so young, and I could go out clubbing and get any person that I like, I should, maybe I will.”

“Need some company?” 

“Yeah, why not?” She replied before breaking down crying. “The truth is I’m… I’m not made for that life. I’m not made for quick encounters and meaningless flirts. I don’t see myself fucking around, and then going on with my day. I’m such a… such a… mess.” 

“Or maybe you just have different needs? There’s nothing wrong with wanting stability. It’s hard, it can’t be easy when all of a sudden everything you know doesn’t exist anymore. You can’t be mad at yourself for being terrified of the future.” 

“But I hate being stuck,” she confessed, head falling on Zoya’s shoulder. “I feel like the whole world is moving on and I’m here, not knowing what to do with my life. It’s not even about love, it’s everything. I’ve got my major wrong, I’ve got my lover wrong, I’ve got a job I don’t want and I’m a terrible friend. Everything is a mess.” 

“Maybe you just need to change your perspective. Flip the picture, put on a wig and become someone else.” 

Hyejin furrowed and pouted, feeling like she was making fun of the situation. 

“I’m just saying, were those bad choices when you made them? No. They were right at the moment. You are not in that moment anymore, you are moving on, you are changing, you are growing.” 

“I don’t like it.” 

“I know,” she said. “I spent months pondering whether to come back here or not, and when I did, the only thing I wanted to do was to leave again. But it turns out I only had to endure a bit more. I’m close to having my dream job, and you and Haechan welcomed me back. I’ve got to meet Jaemin and so many other people. It was terrifying eight months ago, but now? It can only get better.” 

“I miss Jaemin,” she confessed, snuggling closer, needing to feel a warm and familiar embrace. 

“He misses you too,” Zoya said. “But he also understands if you don’t want to see him ever again.” 

“Did he tell you that?” 

“He did,” Zoya replied. “Maybe you could start with him, I’m sure he’s a good friend. He could be a big support for you, don’t push him away.” 

Haechan could only remember he felt a pain like this four years ago when Zoya left without a word and left him to bleed. Now he was older, wiser —some could say— and Hyejin didn’t leave him without a warning, yet, it still felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. 

He couldn’t deal with this. The thought of having lost his other half forever kept him up at night and left him wandering in the day like a ghost, desperately looking for salvation. But it was a lost cause when his salvation was her. Living without Hyejin was hard, it felt like he had forgotten how to breathe. 

But he couldn’t rot in his bed and watch his life go by. He had to go to work, the same job that had torn them apart by keeping him too busy and stressing him too much. He had to hang out with his friends, or at least try to, not that he brought much to the table, only sad smiles and lame conversations as he counted time to go back home. But most importantly, he had to fight the urge to not pick up the phone and call her every time he was left alone. 

Hyejin needed time. She made it clear — at least he believed so, the memories of that talk were a mess in his head — that they needed a break even from being friends. She cut him out of her life and he had to respect that. 

But as weeks passed by, the anxiety in his chest grew. What if he had lost her forever? What if there was no space for him in her life not even as a friend? What if he fought harder and begged her to stay? Maybe she wanted to see him fight for her, to see how far he would go to keep her with him. Maybe he had done something wrong again, that was just another test he didn’t pass. 

But he had no certain answers, and he couldn’t find them anywhere, not in the alcohol he drowned in, or the wasted hours staring at a wall. 

He had lost the only answer he ever knew. 

Jaemin was sleeping with guilt in his heart. He hadn’t heard from Hyejin for weeks, and he had to watch Haechan go through the worst pain ever. 

And he wondered if maybe he had read too much into them, if he truly caused all of this just because he was jealous. 

But when Hyejin finally showed up at the door, he felt the guilt leave him. He couldn’t say she was happy, but from the talks at the bar, he could get she wanted to start brand new, and those conversations with him, as painful as they were, were also helpful. 

All the pain and guilt of the first weeks disappeared when they started to spend so much time together. Jaemin thought she hated him, so he couldn’t believe she was seeking comfort from him. And even if it was painful to be torn between her and Haechan (lying to him to don’t slap at his face he was still hanging out with Hyejin was more painful than he imagined) he had no other choice.

“Your room is pretty, you know?” Jaemin hummed while caressing her hair as they laid on the bed. 

“You’ve never seen it before?” Hyejin asked, rolling her head back to look at him, watching as he shook his head before replying. 

“Nope,” he replied. “I’ve been in the living room, kitchen and bathroom but never here.” 

Hyejin smiled softly, moving closer to him, enjoying the way his strong arms wrapped around her. It felt like a silly thought, but every time he hugged her, she could feel he was hiding some big muscles under the big sweaters, and she was a bit disappointed that even with the hotter weather he kept hiding them, usually under wide t-shirt that hid more than half of his arm.

“Are you listening?” 

“Mh, yeah, yeah, I am,” she replied, shaking her head, and cursing lowly for even thinking such things. “Okay, no, I wasn’t, sorry.” 

Jaemin chuckled, kissing her head before repeating. “It feels like a privilege being here.” 

“A privilege?” 

“Yeah, Yeri told me you don’t let many people here.” 

“Oh,” she gasped. “Well, it’s true. This room is like my safe place, I don’t like strangers to be in it. Honestly, I just don’t like staying here for too long. The only ones allowed are… was… Haechan and well, now you,” she mumbled, not knowing how to put it. Feeling a small twinge of pain in her chest naming Haechan. 

“Yeah, makes sense,” Jaemin whispered, fighting the urge to ask more questions about him. It was a topic she avoided, the main reason why they got so close was that he would keep Haechan out of her mind, so talking about him wasn’t a wise thing. 

“Iseul saw a cat today when I was walking her home from school,” so he changed the topic, surely talking about something that would’ve put her in a good mood, “she thought about you. So, she made me take a pic of her holding it, threatening me if I didn’t show it to you,” he said, giggling as he searched for his phone in his pocket to show her the photo.

Hyejin laughed, shifting to give him more space before pressing against his broad chest again, and waiting for him to find it in the gallery. “Oh, please, she’s so cute. I bet she named it.” 

“Yeah, of course, she named it,” Jaemin said, scrolling through the thousands of pictures the baby made him shoot, “guess what?” 

“Surely like food,” Hyejin said, not able to hide the big smile on her face as the pictures passed by her eyes. 

“You get it, it’s Kimchi.” 

“Kimchi? Did she also make you buy that?” 

Jaemin raised a brow as to ask as if it could be any more obvious and Hyejin laughed. “She’s so funny. You know she loves you so much, right?” 

“Yeah, I know. I love her too, I mean, she makes my days funnier, I’m not sure I want to work in a kindergarten just yet.” 

Hyejin smiled in reflex as she watched the smile on his face, and then her brain let out thoughts. “You’d make a great father.” 

Their eyes met and for a moment she felt the air stop and get heavy. She looked away and coughed. “I mean, kids love you, and you know how to take care of them. Whoever ends up with you is lucky.” 

Jaemin hummed, slowly nodding as he stared at her back now that she was sitting up straight, scratching her neck. “If someone ends up with me.” 

She scoffed. “Please, don’t act as if you’re ugly.” 

“You think I’m handsome?” He asked, bouncing on the bed to sit next to her. 

“I — I…” she mumbled, eyes skimming on his face, eyes, nose, lips, silky blonde hair framing everything that looked sculped by Gods. “I would be stupid to think you’re ugly.” 

A smile curled his lips, and he stared at her lips. “I think you’re beautiful too,” he whispered. 

She had no idea what was going on, but they both started to lean closer, too close, as their gazes were stuck on each other’s lips. It felt like being pulled by a magnet, a force stronger than their will, but it couldn’t be. She was the first one to back away, coughing awkwardly as she stood up and rubbed her nose before fixing her hair behind her ear. 

Jaemin only lowered his head, sighing disappointedly and feeling his heart sink into his chest. What was he even thinking? As if there was space for him like that in her life. 

“It’s dinner time, do you want to order something? There’s a place close to here that makes your favourite dish.” 

“Cleo?” 

Jaemin hummed. 

“That’s where I always go, it’s my favourite place.” 

“Great, I’ll order, then.” 

The night passed with no more awkward moments, even though they were still close to one another, sitting side by side on the bed while eating and watching their favourite movie on the laptop, and then laying on the bed to watch another one. 

Jaemin wasn’t much interested in the movie playing, his eyes moved on her every time she giggled or whispered something, getting lost in her beauty for too long. But by now he wasn’t surprised anymore, he had come to terms he loved her. And it was fine like this, even if she was never going to love him back. Not like he could her ask to, or even wish about, especially considering she had just broken up such a long relationship and surely still had feelings for Haechan. 

But Jaemin liked this nonetheless. Being friends with her was already a win for him, especially after the rough path they walked on for a bit. 

“Why don’t you stay?” When the movie ended, Jaemin barely noticed it and was taken by surprise when she spoke to him. 

“Mhh? What?” 

Hyejin chuckled, stretching her body and jumping off the bed. “I said, why don’t you stay?”

“For the night?” 

“No, for the day,” she joked, rolling her eyes. “Of course, dummy. It’s late, way past midnight. You can sleep here.” 

“Oh,” Jaemin gasped, lifting his wrist to check the time and realise it was indeed later than he expected. “You have another room?” 

Hyejin shook his head. “No, but my bed is big, I’m sure we can fit.” 

“You want me to sleep with you?” 

Hyejin sucked her lips, furrowing, “Yeah? Is it so weird?” 

“No, I — I just…”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I didn’t want to make you drive back home, but you can leave if you feel uncomfortable.” 

“I don’t feel uncomfortable,” he replied right away. “I just wasn’t expecting it.” 

She giggled. “I asked you to sleep, not to do something else.” 

“I know,” he retorted, glaring at her. “I wasn’t hinting at anything, I would never do that,” he stuttered, looking around to avoid her teasing gaze. 

“Are you blushing?” She teased, jumping on the bed again to squeeze his cheeks. 

“Stop it!” Jaemin said, trying to push her away, but the vain attempt only made her laugh more. 

“I know I’m hot but I didn’t think I’d have such an effect on you,” she joked, getting up again, and sensually swinging her hips as she walked to the closet. 

Jaemin huffed, running his fingers through his hair as he watched her. Oh, how many things she didn’t know. “You don’t have an effect on me,” he clarified. “I usually don’t sleep with my friends.” 

“You slept with Haechan.” 

“Yes cause my bed was lost in Ulsan for some reason,” he justified, throwing a pillow at her. 

She laughed, shaking her head before turning around. “So, I guess you can do the sacrifice to squeeze in my bed?” 

Jaemin gulped, involuntarily getting lost in the way her slender fingers were moving to unbutton her button-up shirt before he mentally slapped himself and looked into her eyes, a glint of teasing shining in them. “Yeah, I can do that sacrifice.” 

“Good,” she smiled, walking out of the room after grabbing her clothes for the night. 

Once they were both ready for the night, they laid under the covers. Jaemin tried to stay as far as possible, feeling too hot to even think about her, but Hyejin had no intention of keeping personal space. 

“I don’t bite,” she said, glaring at him when he moved away. “Are you dating someone?” 

“What? What kind of question is that?” 

“I don’t know, we’ve been close to each other all day, we always are, and yet you’re acting like this,” she said, moving her hands to show him the space between them. “Is this weird because you’re dating someone?” 

“I’m not dating anybody,” he replied, sighing and rubbing his forehead. “It’s a bit… hot, I thought you wanted space.” 

“It’s hot?” She asked, lifting a brow. 

Jaemin gulped, meeting her eyes shyly. “Maybe I’m just not used sleep with these covers.” 

Hyejin hummed, biting her lower lip. “So, if we take them off, can I hug you?” 

He didn’t reply right away, trying to understand why she wanted to be this close. But he couldn’t find an answer that he liked. 

“Yeah, sure,” he said, lifting the heavy blanket from his body before shifting closer to her and opening his arm for her to lay on her chest. 

She immediately placed her head on his pecs, while her hand rested on his sternum and inhaled deeply. “That’s better,” she said.

Jaemin chuckled, fighting the awkwardness and caressing her nape in circles. “You love this, don’t you?” 

She hummed, snuggling against him. “Yeah, but it makes me fall asleep easily.” 

“Good, didn’t you say you were having troubles falling asleep?” 

“Yeah,” she replied. 

“Maybe I can be the cure.” 

Hyejin hummed, relaxing with each passing second, and before she could realise it, she fell into a deep slumber. 

Jaemin was the cure. 

“I hate summer so much,” Hyejin whined for the nth time, wiping away the sweat on her forehead with the back of her hand. 

Jaemin chuckled. “Yeah, I would’ve never guessed.” 

She rolled her eyes, ripping the cup from his hands before drinking it, and bringing it to her mouth. “Why does it have to be so hot?” 

He shrugged. “I don’t know, blame it on the climate changes.” 

Hyejin studied his face for a moment, watching the smile stay on his face as he stared at the horizon, and then she let her head fall behind against the wall, watching the sky change its colour as the night approached. 

It felt weird to be back at their place, it felt even weirder when Jaemin convinced her to come inside since Haechan was out (luckily it seemed like he was starting to move on and have fun on his own), she felt like a thief in a place that first felt like home. But on the balcony of Jaemin’s room, she felt a bit safer. 

Two months had passed by, and while her heart wasn’t completely mended, yet, she felt confident enough to say she was doing better. 

“I started painting again,” she whispered in the quiet of the night, lifting her feet on the handrail in front of her as she turned her face to her friend. 

“Really? That’s great. What did you paint?” 

She shrugged, shifting her head another time. “Things… emotions.” 

“Emotions?” Jaemin asked, a confused frown on his face as he let his eyes wander on her. He loved how she was so open with him now, body relaxing against the chair, while she only wore black shorts and a tiny, pink tank top. And he couldn’t hide the smile as he thought about when they first met, and how awkward they both were. It felt surreal to be this close and at ease with each other. “How can you paint emotions?” 

Her head rolled back as she breathed in a deeper breath and then scrolled her hair out of her face, bringing the glass to her lips before answering. “Without thinking. I like to use colours and not shapes,” she explained, smiling at him. “To be honest, I’ve never done it before, but it felt fitting. It felt therapeutic.” 

“What colours?” 

“Red,” she said, a bitter smile on her face. “I was angry and mad at love, I turned the colour that represents love into a dark mix of black and brown.” 

Jaemin let out a bitter chuckle, lowering his head as sadness washed over him. “Love, uhm?” 

“Yeah, I… I thought a lot about what you said to me and I…” she breathed deeply. “I don’t think I love him anymore.” 

He raised a brow. “Are you talking about…?” 

“Yes, about him, who else could I be talking about?” She giggled. “I miss him, of that I’m sure. But now that he’s not been part of my days, and I could think about these past years over and over again, I realized I was just hanging on to a dream. And I’m so mad at me for this, for not loving him anymore, because I feel so lost when loving him was all I knew.” 

“But you love many things, not only him.” 

“I do, but there’s… there’s this anger that I feel because things didn’t go as planned, because I got lost in a dream, because…” she sighed. “I lost my best friend. Love made me lose my best friend and my partner, my lover.” 

Jaemin nodded, keeping his gaze on her face, watching it saddened a bit. “Why don’t you… talk to him? He misses you, too.” 

“I know he does, but I’m not ready. I’m learning how to walk on my own, I’m meeting new people. And I feel like I’m finally growing up, you know?” 

Jaemin hummed.

“I’m sorry, I annoy you so much,” she apologized, but Jaemin immediately stopped her. 

“I like listening to you,” he said. “Did you draw something else?” 

“Just that… until the canvas turned black. And then I set fire to it.” 

“You did what?” He gasped, raising his voice. 

“I needed to let it go!” She justified, shrugging. 

“By setting things on fire?” 

“I told you it was therapeutic,” she defended.  

“Remind me to don’t stay too close to you when you’re mad,” he joked, shaking his head before he took a sip again. 

She chuckled. “I was mad because I felt like I wasted so much time of my life on something that wasn’t meant to be. I feel like I wanted too much and lost everything.” 

“It’s not wasted time if you loved,” he said, facing her. “So… you don’t love him anymore?” 

“I don’t know, everything with him has been so blurry, I… I never had anybody else, I don’t know what’s love and friendly love and just attraction, I… but I’m so afraid of going out and just kissing the first person that passes by.” 

Jaemin didn’t reply, he stared at her, the nervous playing of her fingers, the bouncing of her legs, and then her lips. Those lips he wanted to kiss so badly. 

“Kiss me,” he said, eyes locking into hers, not drifting away not even when hers widened in shock. “I’m not the first person that passes by.” 

“But — but you’re my friend, wouldn’t this be the same as kissing him?” 

“Would it?” 

Hyejin gulped, thinking about it for a moment, staring at his lips. How soft they looked, she wouldn’t have wasted a second doing it if only… if only… 

“I don’t think it’s wise.” 

“Come on, it’s just a kiss.” 

“But what would it prove? I — I know I don’t like you,” she said, panicking when she was Jaemin’s eyes losing their typical sparkle. “No, wait, I just mean I want you like a friend, not a lover.” 

Jaemin nodded, turning around, and getting up. “I know, it’s not like I wanted you to want me like that.” 

“No, I’m sorry. Are you offended?” She asked, standing up, and blocking him from going inside. 

“No, it was a dumb proposal anyway. I’m sorry, I surely made you uncomfortable. I just… I hate when I can’t help you, so I come up with a stupid thing,” he said, but he still avoided her eyes for most of the talk. “You should go outside, a club, or let one of your friends set up a date. You will never truly move on if you don’t see the different shades a relationship can have.” 

Hyejin wanted to stop him again but when he tugged his wrist away, she had to let him go, standing on the balcony as he walked out of the room. She turned around, placing her elbows on the handrail, and looked at the view in front of her. Maybe she should’ve kissed him, maybe she should’ve let her impulses take over, but she didn’t want to lose another friend. She loved spending time with Jaemin, and she felt like only a few people — probably only Haechan — got her like he did. So his other solution was the most rational one. She needed to go out and flirt with people, throw herself on the dating ground and try to experience things she had never done before. It was the only way to move on from Haechan. 

Haechan was doing better, some days he dared to say he was doing good, but then a random wave of sadness would wash over him and he felt like being back at the start. But those waves of sadness started to happen less, at least. He would keep himself busy, trying to hang out with his friends as much as possible to don’t stay at home and rot on the couch, and when he had to stay in, there was always Jaemin to keep him company.

Now, always... Jaemin was mostly out, doing things. Haechan didn’t get why he was so vague every time he asked where he was going or what he was doing, but he didn’t care enough to pry. Jaemin was reserved about his private life, and maybe he just met someone to spend time with. Haechan was happy for him, and he was sure it was just a matter of time before his friend would’ve opened up and spoken about this person he had fallen for. 

Unfortunately, he had other things to worry about. And that was himself. He missed Hyejin, but he was waiting for her to text him first, or do any kind of first move. But not seeing her, not hearing her laugh, not listening to her day, pained him when he was left alone with his thoughts. 

He had no idea how she was doing. When Zoya showed up at his place months ago, he had begged her to check on her, since she wasn’t even replying to Jaemin, but after that, he didn’t dare to ask. He hoped she was doing fine, but if that was true, it also meant that he was so easy to forget, and that hurt even more. 

The worst pain of this all was that he had no idea if he was mourning love or friendship, maybe both, so that was why it hurt so much 

“What are you doing here?” 

“What am I doing here? Really, Hyuck?” Zoya asked, pushing him back to make her way into the apartment. “You’ve been avoiding me, and you ask why I’m here.” 

Haechan didn’t reply, he stared at the floor. Well, so, not only he didn’t want to know about Hyejin, but he was doing everything in his power to avoid Zoya. 

“Why? What have I done?” 

“Nothing,” he replied, lifting his gaze. “I need to be alone. Is it so crazy?” 

“You are hanging out with everyone except me,” she said, crossing her arms on her chest. “What happened?” 

Haechan sighed. “Do I have to hang out with you?” 

“I just would like to know what happened since we used to do it when you were dating but now you can’t even pick up the phone?” 

“Oh, you want to know what happened,” he laughed. “Very funny for someone that disappears without giving a reason.” 

“Seriously? I explained it to you, I thought we were fine with that.” 

“We were fine with that because I’m an asshole and I welcomed you in again without thinking twice, fucking up my relationship with Hyejin because, fuck, four years later and I still care so much about you, no matter all the pain you put me through. But no, dear, you never explained why you left me without saying a word, you never explained why you never picked up my phone calls or never answered my texts when I was worried sick because I had no idea where you were, with who you were and what you were doing. I feared you were taken back against your will, I thought that if only you’d spoken to me I could’ve helped you stay here even if your parents’ jobs required you to leave with them. I fucking asked my mother if she would’ve been fine with letting you stay with us, hopelessly thinking you would’ve at least let me know you weren’t hating having to go back to India. I blamed myself because maybe you were telling me something with your talks about how much you loved being in Korea and how happy you were to be here, how when you were a child you would’ve never expected to love a place you hated so much,” Haechan ranted, veins popping out of his arms as tears streamed down his face. “And you were fine, I bet you took the opportunity of your parent’s jobs to go back and erase everything as if it had never been,” he breathed out. 

“I… I can’t tell you why I left, but I’m sorry, I told you many times how sorry I am,” Zoya whispered, fighting back the tears that were making it hard to talk and see. 

“Yeah, you are, but don’t expect me to be open about what I’m going through when you can’t be open with me.” 

“You would hate me if I gave you the reason, and you would think that… that everything is a twisted joke on you.” 

He shrugged. “I’m used to it.” 

Zoya sighed, wiping her nose with the back of her hand to dry the tears. “I don’t want to leave you alone. You and Hyejin have always been close to me when nobody wanted me, when I was just a small kid not knowing what she was doing in a foreign country, I…”

“We’re not those kids anymore, Zoya,” he said, looking into her eyes. Those eyes that still caused shivers to roll down his spine, those eyes he didn’t want to see because he would always get lost in them. Every eye contact was like a thunder striking him without his consent. And he felt like he had lied saying those words because if he focused on her face a bit more, he could still see the little girl he knew, the one that turned into the teenager that stole his heart before tearing it into pieces. “And I don’t know what I’m feeling, for her, for you, for me. It’s like a big tangle, and I’m stuck in the middle of it. I feel like I’ve already lost her, and I don’t know if I’ll also lose you.” 

She shook her head, walking closer to him, wanting to hug him but didn’t. “You will never lose me,” she reassured. “And you will never lose her, she just needs time and space. I’ve seen love a few times in my life and I swear that I’ve never seen it as strong as in her eyes when they would fall on you. You two are something that can’t be torn apart, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t have obstacles to surpass.” 

Haechan lowered his head. “But what if I don’t want to surpass them? I had her by my side.” 

“And maybe you took her for granted?” Zoya said, and Haechan looked into her eyes. “Sometimes you have to lose something to know how much you care for it.” 

“I knew how much I cared for it even before,” he defended. 

“If she left maybe it wasn’t so clear.” 

“So what do I have to do? Look for her? Force her into a relationship she doesn’t want? Beg her to take me back?” 

She shook her head. “You have to wait, and she will come back to you.” 

“I swear, we should do this more often,” Hyejin giggled as she poured the soju down her throat. 

“Careful, don’t get too drunk,” Jaemin warned her after doing the same, placing the bottle on the countertop. 

“I have a good tolerance,” she replied. “That club sucked.” 

“People suck,” he corrected. 

“True,” she chuckled, opening a kitchen shelf to look for food. “Chips?” She asked, lifting a bag of paprika chips. 

“I’d love something more filling but this will do.” 

She smiled, ripping the package. “Your room? What if he comes back?” 

“He’s out tonight, said he’ll sleep over to Yang.” 

“Can we still go up? I want to sit on the balcony,” she pouted. 

“Whatever you wish,” he said, “Go, I’ll bring the rest.” 

Five minutes later they were sitting on the balcony, the usual view as always as they shared a bag of chips and some drinks.  

“Thank you for stopping that man before,” she said. 

“Nothing,” he smiled. 

“Wasn’t in the mood to fuck him.” 

Jaemin giggled. “Not what you said when I picked you up tonight,” he said. “Tonight I’m getting laid,” he mimicked her voice and she laughed after pushing him away. 

“I said I wasn’t in the mood to fuck him, not to don’t fuck in general,” she specified. 

Jaemin looked over, pinching her arm. “You’re still not getting laid tonight.” 

“It’s a shame don’t you think so?” She asked, voice dropping lower as she teased him twirling her hair. 

“Indeed, it is,” Jaemin replied, running his tongue on his lips as his eyes lingered on her for a second. 

“Got so pretty for nothing,” she pouted, pointing with her head at her clothes. 

“The butterfly top is pretty,” he hummed. 

“What about the skirt?” She asked, crossing her legs, making the fabric rise up on her smooth thighs. 

Jaemin gulped, paying little to no attention to the black skirt, too focused on her soft thighs and the way her hands, covered in jewellery, touched her skin. “Pretty.” 

“It’s really a waste,” she huffed, pushing the skirt down and yawing, making him snap out of his trance, nodding and forcing his gaze on the horizon. “But at least it’s not too hot.” 

“No, not hot at all,” he forced out, trying to don’t think about the dirty thoughts his brain was screaming. He wanted her, now more than ever. It was already a miracle he didn’t ask her to kiss him while they danced together all night after he had to push some creeps away. But this felt like it was too much. And he couldn’t understand if she was doing it on purpose or if she had no idea of the power she had over him. Or maybe she thought it was just attraction, but to Jaemin was so much more than that. 

“Can we dance?” 

“Can we what?” He asked, turning around but the chair next to him was already empty as she was inside, busy to turn the music on. 

“I’ve always wanted to try the speakers,” she said, putting a playlist on youtube and connecting her phone to them. 

“Not too loud,” he said, “the neigh—”

“Shh,” she shut him up, placing a finger on his lips while her arm wrapped around his neck and her hips started moving to the sensual music. “Don’t think about anything.” 

Jaemin wanted to retort, and even question why the music was so sensual, but he stood no chance with her eyes silently commanding him. So his shoulders dropped as he tried to relax to the music; a struggle when her body was grinding on his and her face was so close. 

It felt natural, their bodies swinging to the rhythm as if they got those movements down by heart, as if it was supposed to be like this. Daring hands touching dangerous patches of skin, lips wanting so badly to get a taste, and eyes that were screaming thousands of secret thoughts. 

It took Jaemin a while to realize what was going on, with his eyes closed, letting the music move him, he thought he was making the soft touch on his lips up, but when his eyes parted and she was standing face to face, he realized it was reality. 

“What — what are you doing?” He asked, involuntary tightening the hold on her waist. 

“Can I kiss you?” She answered with another question, eye contact not faltering not even for a second, and he wondered if she was the same Hyejin as always. 

“I — I don’t think we should be doing this,” he mumbled, throat dry and legs weak. 

“But you said I should try to kiss you and see how it feels,” she said, caressing his cheek. “I want to know what you feel like.” 

“I’m… I’m bland, I don’t feel like — oh,” his words died down when her lips crashed against his, cupping his cheeks while the hand on her lower back pushed her flat on his body, lifting her from the floor for a split second. 

Hyejin’s hand tightened on his neck, feeling her head spin, and she knew she couldn’t blame it on the alcohol. This was anything but bland. It felt like thousands of unspoken words and feelings being rushed on her, sweeping her like a wave. The shyness of their lips lasted less than ten seconds, and then Jaemin got braver. His touch was strong, and his lips were greedy, kissing her like she hadn’t been kissed for months. 

“Jaemin,” she gasped when she pulled away for air. 

“Yeah?” He asked, leaning in for another one, not giving her time to continue. But it wasn’t like Hyejin had any words left in her brain. This was breathtaking and addictive. A new kind of attraction she didn’t even know she could feel. 

“Jaemin,” she screamed when he lifted her up, her legs swiftly wrapping around his waist, and trapped her against her wall. “God,” she moaned when he grabbed her wrists and pushed them over her head, lips moving to kiss down her neck, until he reached for the curves of her boobs, playfully biting down the soft skin. 

“I need you,” Jaemin whispered, climbing up again, whispering against her swollen lips. “Please, let me have you,” he said, caressing her cheek, “I promise I’ll make you feel so good.” 

Hyejin nodded, struggling to give him a vocal response as her body moved on its own, grinding on him and searching for more contact. “Please,” was the only whimper she could make come out of her lips, but it was more than enough for Jaemin to keep going where he stopped. A curse rolled from her mouth when he pressed his hips against her, making her feel how hard he was already, while his hands frenetically moved to untie the knots behind her back, soon letting the top fall loose on her before he pushed it off her arms, throwing it in a corner of the room. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he muttered, staring at her bare chest, cupping her boob as he trapped her lips in another kiss. 

“Jaemin, please,” she begged in the kiss. 

“You want me? Want me to stop fucking around and make you feel good?” 

“Yes.” 

Jaemin had no idea what was running in his body at that moment, driving him to act in a way he never acted before, craving her like he never craved anybody else before. He swiftly moved around to throw her on the bed, standing tall in front of her as he worked to take his clothes off, baring himself to her eyes, watching even the smallest of her reaction with a smirk on his face. 

Hyejin had no idea either, she wasn’t even sure she felt that attraction before that night, and yet here she was, already wetting her panties just from the sight of his body, toned and beautiful just like she had imagined a thousand times before (maybe the attraction was there before that night, she was just in denial). She gulped, squeezing her thighs together when he pushed the boxers down, revealing his big, hard dick. 

But as much as Jaemin would’ve liked to indulge in the sight of her surprise, he needed her. And in a second his body was on hers again, slipping off her skirt in a swift movement. When he kissed her again, pushing her against the mattress, her hands couldn’t help but wander on him, feeling his skin under her touch before reaching his hair and pulling strongly, making him groan. 

A shaky breath rolled from her lips when his hand sneaked between their bodies and rubbed on her wet panties. 

Jaemin chuckled. “So wet and sensitive, aren’t you?” 

She hummed, not so confident anymore of keeping eye contact. 

“And I barely even touched you,” he said, pulling the crotch to the side to move his tips on her slit and clit. 

Hyejin would’ve liked to disagree, that was a lot for her. That passion, that need, was something that had been missing from her life for so long. And honestly, probably had never been much into it. She had never been lifted on her feet to be kissed, nobody ever pressed her against a wall and tried to undress her with rush and need. She never felt this wanted. And she couldn’t care there wasn’t love behind this, because it felt new and refreshing, and Jaemin was going to make her lose her mind. 

“Fuck, babe, didn’t even have to push them in, look at how easy you’re taking them,” he whispered, bringing her back to earth, shyly trying to look between their bodies to see what he was doing. But his fingers curling so nicely and deep into her made her head roll back, mouth open as she moaned with no care. 

The house was empty anyway. They had nothing to worry about. 

Her hands clenched around the bedsheet when Jaemin’s lips made contact with her skin, starting to kiss and nibble at her jaw and neck as his two fingers never stopped doing wonders. Her whole body was on fire, back arching as she searched for more, eyes rolled back hidden behind her closed eyelids, and lips parted. 

That was, to Jaemin, the prettiest view in the world. And he had to blink a few times to make sure it wasn’t a fantasy, that he didn’t have to blame it on the alcohol, but she was truly underneath him. “You can’t be real,” he whispered, staring at her face, contorted in an expression of pleasure. 

Hyejin felt her heart twirl in her chest. She had never been touched like this by somebody that wasn’t him, never even ever imagined what other hands and lips could feel like, and she couldn’t believe this was what was waiting for her. That this pleasure was the something new that was missing. It was wild to her how much chemistry she was feeling flooding between her and Jaemin. How could he possibly be so good at playing her like a violin? Touching her as if he had been doing that for ages. 

“I’m close,” she whimpered when she felt her stomach tighten. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting but surely not for him to fasten the pace of his fingers inside and the thumb on her clit, taking her breath away. “Jaemin,” she cried out, legs bending up in a twitch. 

“Come on, you can take it,” he reassured her with no intention of slowing down, grabbing the hand that was clenching on the sheet as he sat up to have a perfect view of her trembling body. “That’s it, that’s it,” he encouraged, watching her hips lift from the mattress and feeling her pussy clench around his fingers. 

“I — I…” she moaned, trying to find the words to describe what she was feeling but it was impossible since she never felt that way before. And before she could think another coherent thought, her orgasm got the best of her, hitting harder than ever before, making her legs tremble while her head rolled back and her eyes rolled in the back of her skull. 

“Fuck,” Jaemin moaned when a jet of liquid hit his arm, coating it with thicker and more liquid slick. Shocked he had made her squirt so easily, but even more amazed at the way her body reacted to his touch. He didn’t stop moving, not caring if that meant adding even more mess as she kept squirting until the orgasm died down and she begged for him to stop. 

“Shit,” Hyejin huffed, moving her hair back and forcing her neck to lift her head to come face to face with the aftermath of her orgasm. “What have I done?” 

Jaemin pulled his fingers out, licking them clean, and then stared at her with a confused expression. “You’ve never done this before?” 

She bit her lip, shaking her head with a faint red tint on her cheeks. “No. What was that?” 

“You squirted?” 

“I can do that?” 

“Well, you did,” he chuckled. “It was pretty fucking hot if I have to be honest.” 

She didn’t reply, only giggled before her body fell lack on the mattress again. 

Jaemin chuckled back before he was where he was before, hands resting at the sides of her face and lower body pressed against hers. “I’m not done with you,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss her. “Tell me you want this. Tell me you want me.” 

“I want you,” she said without hesitating not even for a moment. “Please.” 

That was all he needed to push into her. 

“Oh,” she gasped when he was halfway in and kept slowly making its way in, stretching her with each inch sinking deeper until he bottomed down.  

“Are you okay?” He asked, standing on his elbows to be closer to her body, his chest pressing against hers, while their lips almost brushed. 

“Yeah, it’s just been a while and it’s… big,” she chuckled awkwardly, “but it feels good, you can move.” 

And so he did, going back on his hands to move more freely, driving his hips back before thrusting forward. 

“You feel so good,” he breathed out, eyes falling where their bodies met before moving to her face again. “So, so fucking good.” 

She wanted to reply and say she felt the same, letting him know how much she loved the feeling of being filled and fucked, but it was already impossible to speak coherent words.  

Jaemin had so many things to say, but he had no courage to ruin this moment with feelings that weren’t returned. All he could do was try to show her how much he loved her and cared for her. He couldn’t whisper in her ear how lucky he felt at that moment, or how much he wished to be this intimate with her, he couldn’t even tell her he loved her. So he kept reminding him that this was enough, and it didn’t matter if tomorrow everything went back like before. He had her, and that was all that mattered. 

But it was hard to don’t slip on those three words when she looked so pretty underneath him and kept moaning his name, loudly in the night with no care someone would hear. Why should have this ended in another way when they fit so well together? Jaemin didn’t get it, but he didn’t want to stain this moment with sadness, so he focused on her. Leaving kisses on her neck and chest, and touching her body all over because he needed to be reminded that this was real. 

“Is this why you dressed up tonight and danced with me the whole time?” He teased. “You wanted me all along, didn’t you?” 

She hummed, looking into his eyes but seeing blurry as all the pleasure got into her brain more and more. 

“As if you need to do all that to get me on my knees,” he thought he said that to himself, well, slow enough she couldn’t hear, but those words reached her perfectly, and she wasn’t sure it was just a play for the sake of the dirty talk or if he really meant it. 

“Jae, I’m close,” she breathed out, deciding not to think too much about it. Also, it wasn’t the first time Jaemin made it clear he found her beautiful and attractive, there’s was nothing to worry about. 

“Yeah? Gonna come?”

“Yes, fuck,” she moaned, swallowing hard. 

“Already, pretty girl? How desperate are you, uhm?”

She opened her mouth to reply but he stopped her with a click of tongue and a thumb on her lips. “Don't answer, I can see how desperate you are. How badly you need this, to be fucked good, and nice, and deep.”

Her body trembled at his words, and she couldn’t hold it in anymore, coming around his dick as hard as before, feeling the air leave her lungs and lust fill her brain completely, triggering his orgasm too with no warning. 

When they laid there, they both felt stuck in a euphoric state they couldn’t explain. Surely for different reasons, but it felt like that chemistry couldn’t be turned off. 

Right when Jaemin was about to turn over and ask her if she wanted to take a shower, he found Hyejin on top of him, pressing him down the mattress, kissing him roughly. 

“I need more,” she whispered in the kiss, grinding on top of him. “Just for tonight.” 

Jaemin nodded, stunned, not expecting her to initiate something for the second time. But he also needed more. “I’ll give it to you,” he replied, hands cupping her ass as she slowly lowered on his dick, letting out shaky whimpers as he filled her again. “I’ll give you everything you want.” 

“Oh, I finally get to meet you,” Haechan joked, entering the kitchen, seeing someone sitting on the stool, wearing Jaemin’s shirt, and giving him their back. “Though, Jaem, the rooms are not soundproof and you kept me up all night.” 

When the person on the stool turned around and Haechan saw her face, he could swear he could feel the moment stop. He stood there, frozen and speechless, the only part of him moving were his eyes, skimming back and forth from his best friend’s and ex’s shocked faces. 

Nobody spoke. Nobody dared to say anything. Haechan wasn’t supposed to be at home that night, so they didn’t even expect him to be up so early in the morning as they both knew how much he slept when he didn’t have to go to work and slept over to someone else. But Haechan was there, staring at them while silent tears started streaming down his face and mixed emotions started to overwhelm him. 

“You — you two are…” he mumbled, pointing a finger at them, trying to understand what hurt the most. His best friend fucking his ex. Or his ex fucking his best friend. “You two are fucking?” 

“Haechan, is not what —” 

“Is not what? You’re fucking my best friend?” 

Hyejin got up, shaking her head. “It only happened once.” 

“Once? I fucking heard everything! You kept going all night!” 

“Oh my god,” she whispered, rubbing her hands on her face because that was so embarrassing. As if he wasn’t the one hearing her moans once, or seeing her naked, but now it felt weird. It wasn’t for him anymore. “We’ve never done that before.” 

“Wait,” he said, taking a moment to think about the past weeks. “Have you two been hanging out all this time?” 

“Why does it matter?” Jaemin tried to intervene, coming to her side. 

“It does because you told me she wasn’t picking up your calls, and she wanted to keep her distance, and look at you,” Haechan said, scoffing bitterly. “Oh my god, is she… is she all the times you were busy? All the times you were vague about what you were doing? When you couldn’t explain why I couldn’t come with you, it was because you were with her?” 

“Yes, I was,” Jaemin snapped, bringing his hands in the air. “And what about it? Me and her were friends, well, are friends,” he specified, a twinge of pain in his heart. “Why do you care?” 

“Because I just wanted to know she was fine and you couldn’t even tell me she was,” he replied. “Fucking dumbass,” he murmured to himself, “I’m so fucking stupid. Always worrying you are hurt or something and look at you, fucking my best friend.” 

“I was hurt,” she said, deeply offended by his assumption. “You think I was happy?” 

“Well, I don’t know, you broke up with me,” Haechan screamed. “Was it because of him?” 

“What are you saying?” She asked, starting to feel her throat close as tears menaced to have their best on her. 

“Oh, please don’t act dumb, Hyejin,” he said, sniffling. “Of course, you like him. I should’ve seen it.” 

“I don’t, we’re friends.” 

“And since when you fuck with friends?” Haechan asked with more urgency in his tone, taking a step closer to her. 

“I told you it only happened last night, and it’s none of your business,” she screamed. 

“It is when you accused me of being in love with someone else to break up with me and then you were the one in love with someone else all along.” 

“You are out of your mind,” she spat out, furrowing as her heart clenched. 

“Oh, really?” he asked before throwing his head behind and pushing down tears. “For how long has this been going on?” 

“There’s nothing between us,” Jaemin said firmly.

Haechan clicked his tongue, tilting his head to the side as he let out another bitter snicker. “No? Who are you kidding? You said I was busy thinking about Zoya as if you didn’t spend our last months together attached to him by the hip, Hyejin! You were always giggling and doing shits together and you still had the gut to blame me for your crazy ass fantasies about Zoya!” 

“I never… I never blamed you.” 

“Please, if that’s not the literal reason you broke up with me,” he retorted angrily, his gaze on her full of disgust and betrayal before it moved to his friend. “And you? I gave you a house and you came by charming my girlfriend? Aren’t you ashamed?” 

“Ashamed? I should be ashamed for not treating her like an ornament like you did?” Jaemin snapped. “I was always there for her because I wanted to be there for her, because I cared for her, and I hated to see her smile drop every time she wanted to do something and, guess what, you would always say no,” Jaemin yelled, walking closer to him, making him walk back to the door, leaving Hyejin behind his broad back. “You lost her because you didn’t cherish her enough, because you didn’t care to listen to her or to make her truly happy. So tell me, have I charmed her, or did you take her for granted?” 

Haechan didn’t reply, he briefly looked over at Hyejin that was staring at them with eyes wide open as tears streamed down her face, and before he could think twice, his body reacted. 

“Haechan!” Her scream bounced in the kitchen walls when his fist landed on Jaemin’s face, making him take a few steps back holding his cheek in pain. 

“You don’t have a say in our relationship, you don’t know shit about me and how hard these past months have been. You don’t know me! And you don’t know how much I loved her. It’s so easy for you to come in and be the prince of the situation, the saviour, the one that has his shits together, it has always been easy for you to do that, right?” 

“Really? You’re telling me I lied? You’re telling me she didn’t come third in your priorities if not less?” Jaemin said, glaring at him as he once again moved closer, hand in the air to hit back while Haechan was about to do the same. 

“Don’t you fucking dare —”

“Stop it!” Hyejin screamed, putting herself in between them. “Are you two stupid?” 

“Are you listening to what he’s saying? Do you think that too? Do you think I didn’t love you enough?” 

Hyejin didn’t reply, she only stared into his dark eyes and let the silence give him an answer he didn’t like. 

“Why couldn’t you be fucking honest then? Why did you have to lie when we broke up? Why do you hate me?” 

“I don’t hate you,” she whispered, shaking her head as if she wanted to push out all the pain and noises. “I could never hate you!” 

Haechan sighed, looking down at the floor, not daring to watch how she held Jaemin’s shaking hand instead of his. Everything made sense. “You moved on so easily, everybody moves on so easily,” he whispered. 

“Hyuck, we —”

“Don’t call me Hyuck, that name is not yours to call anymore. I’m not yours anymore in any kind of way. Fuck you, fuck our friendship, and fuck everything that has ever been between us,” he retorted, taking a step away. “I’m so fucking happy for you, go and live your happy life with your prince charming, the one that doesn’t have problems, the one that will always put you first, he surely loves you so much, my love will feel like a drop in the ocean compared to his.” 

“Haechan,” she called, feeling her heart sink in her chest as he walked toward the door, following him, only then letting go of Jaemin’s hand. “Please, stop. We don’t even love each other.” 

Haechan scoffed. “Funny you say that as if you didn’t tell me I still love Zoya and you don’t see the same love in my eyes. You always know what’s best for everyone, how can you not know what’s best for you?” 

She didn’t reply, feeling guilty and confused. “Where are you going? This is your place.”

“Away. I don’t want to see you, or him. You can fuck somewhere else in the house if yesterday wasn’t enough.” 

When the door slammed shut, more tears started falling down Hyejin’s face, she stayed there, staring at the wooden door as if she could turn back time and change everything of what happened, until she heard sounds coming from the kitchen that reminded her she wasn’t alone, and she wasn’t the only one hurt. 

“Sorry,” she apologized entering the room, “you need ice.” 

“No, it’s fine,” Jaemin said, trying to stop her from opening the freezer but all in vain. 

“He hit you.” 

“Yeah, and he had all reasons to do so,” he replied, chuckling bitterly and shaking his head as he sat on a chair, throwing his head back.  

“No, he didn’t.” Jaemin hissed when she placed the cold item on his cheekbone after wrapping it in a towel. “You were right, and he had no reason to get so mad about us.” 

“I was right but I wouldn’t be happy to hear those things, and I fucked up saying he didn’t love you,” he explained, leaning his head against her chest while her arms kept him close to her. “I’m sorry I put you in this situation, I should’ve said no last night.” 

“No,” she said resolutely. “I wanted to do that, I don’t regret it. You wanted me, right?” 

Jaemin took a moment to reply, if only he could scream how much he wanted her, if only it didn’t sound so pathetic after she made it clear there was nothing more going on between them. “I did, but I didn’t want it to lead to this.” 

“But I’m free to do what I want. I don’t belong to him. We’re not dating anymore, and I didn’t break up with him to stay with you.” 

Jaemin hummed, too tired to add anything to the conversation. Why couldn’t he have one nice thing without watching it crumble apart in a second? Why was he so stupid? Why did he fall for the wrong people?

“Hey, I loved being with you last night, I don’t want you to regret this,” she said, caressing his hair, pressing a bit harder on the swollen cheek, making him groan. 

“I don’t regret it but…” he sighed, “now he’s mad, and we all fought, and… how do you fix this?” 

“By talking to him,” she said. “I know him, he just needs to cool down, and then I’ll explain for the nth time why I broke us off. He will understand.” 

“I hope so,” Jaemin whispered, letting his head fall in her warm embrace again. He wasn’t so sure about it. 

Hyejin was right. After three days of cold shoulders, the three of them managed to sit down and talk about what had happened. It was easy to apologize for the harsh words and acts, but it was a bit harder to make Haechan believe she didn’t fall for his best friend months ago. 

And even if Haechan was now sure about it, he couldn’t help but seethe every time he saw them together. He wanted to be the bigger person, but he wasn’t that mature yet. So that, and his need to at least have her around again, led to him nervously bounce his leg or play with his fingers as he heard them laugh in another room, or cook together, or watch a movie cuddled on the couch. 

We’re not dating. 

That was what they kept telling him, and pretty much everybody. 

Bullshits. 

It was what Haechan thought every time. 

Maybe they weren’t, but denying the feelings that were so evident between them, was absurd to him. 

But at least he —partially— had Hyejin back, right? That should’ve been the positive outcome of the whole situation; the healing of his suffering. Yet, it didn’t feel like it. 

So he tried to lock himself in his room and don’t even think about what was going on outside. The plan was successfully failing, he needed a bigger distraction, and he had tried pretty much everything — from going out to drinking himself to sleep, and nothing worked.

“Can we talk?” Haechan asked, standing in front of Hyejin that was sitting on the couch, cuddled up against the armrest, busy reading a book. 

Her eyes flickered up, staring at him as she shook the momentary confusion off. “Sure, sit,” she replied, patting the empty space next to her while bookmarking the page before placing the book on the coffee table in front of her. 

Haechan coughed, sitting down almost as if he was a stranger in his own house, and he suddenly got why he hated seeing her there so much. It reminded him how much she was part of his routine, how she would always try to spend time there for him, how much this felt like her house too, and now it was all for someone else. 

“Haechan?” She called his name when he didn’t talk. 

“Where’s Jaemin?” 

“In the shower,” she replied so nonchalantly as if it was so normal that she was waiting for him just like she used to do with him. “Why?” 

Haechan shook his head, pressing his lips in a thin line to swallow the bitterness he felt rise. “Just asking.” 

“Do you need the living room? I can go to his room —”

“No,” he stopped her, going to touch her with his hand but stopping mid-air. “I wanted to talk.” 

Hyejin sat back down, confusion even more evident on her face as she tried to decipher his expression. “Is this about the other day?” 

“No, we’ve already discussed it,” he said, leg bouncing nervously as he stared at the floor. “I just wanted to make conversation.” Lie. He wanted answers. Answers to questions not even he knew. If only there was something that made sense in his mind. 

“Oh, sure,” she replied, shifting to sit better. 

And when Haechan looked into her eyes he wondered if she couldn’t read him anymore or if she didn’t care to do it anymore, the latter was somehow much worse than the first one. 

“I heard you started painting again,” he said, trying to hide the tremble in his voice and look into her eyes, feeling his heart warm up when her eyes lightened up. 

“Yeah, I did,” she replied, smiling brightly. “Did Jaemin tell you?” 

“No, I… I overheard the other day while you were making, what was it? Bracelets?” He asked, faking he didn’t sulk on that for days as he regretted all the times he said ‘no’ when she asked to try to do DIY stuff just for fun. “Yes, bracelets,” he said when she hummed. “I was cooking but staring at the pot wasn’t interesting, so my ears got caught, sorry.” 

“No, it’s fine,” she giggled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

An awkward silence followed, something so jarring in their everyday life. They had shared their every day since they were three years old and there had never been an awkward silence or a dull moment between them, this was something they had no idea how to deal with, something that looked so scary if they dared to lean over and look at what the future held for them. 

This was the exact reason why Haechan was terrified of letting those cursed three words slip from his mouth three years ago. And he couldn’t believe his biggest fear was staring at him right in the eyes, mocking him carelessly. 

“I’m happy for you,” he said, letting her know the first thing that his brain could make up. It wasn’t a nicety, he truly was. Well, maybe he wasn’t exactly happy she moved on so easily, leaving him in the back as if a blow of wind had taken everything that had been between them, but he was glad she was happy and in love, whether it was because of Jaemin or her biggest passion. 

“I’m ha — thanks,” she said, stopping mid-phrase, when she realized she didn’t know what was going on in his life. “What are you up to?” 

Haechan shrugged. Maybe it was better not to have her at all if this was the only way he could have her now. It felt like a mockery she wasn’t the first one to know what he was up to. It felt crazy she couldn’t be happy for him because she didn’t know if he had something to be happy about. 

“Just the usual,” he shrugged, looking around the room, counting down the seconds for Jaemin to walk out of the bathroom so he could have an excuse to leave. 

“Did you see Zoya lately?” 

But at those words he snapped his neck to her, a deep furrow creasing his forehead. “Is this a test?” 

“No, I’m — I was just asking…” 

“Why would you ask about her?” 

Hyejin mouthed something, rubbing her neck. “I was just making conversation, she’s our friend.” 

“She’s the reason you broke up with me,” he replied, more bitterly than it sounded in his mind.  

“Haechan, do we have to do this again?” 

“We’re not doing it again, I just don’t get why you would bring her up. Don’t go back to your words, you told me you felt I still loved her and didn’t love you anymore, so why am I the bad guy when I remind you that?” 

Hyejin sighed. “I’m sorry, I… I wasn’t teasing, I was just genuinely asking. She told me you were avoiding her.” 

Haechan snickered, shaking his hair before getting up. “Of course, she did, you two are best friends now, right?” 

She furrowed, not understanding his sudden switch. “We’ve always been friends.” 

“Don’t act as if you loved her, you hated every time she came around.”

“I hated the way you looked at her, I never hated her,” she clarified, clenching her hand nervously next to her leg.  

Haechan scoffed, cocking his head to the side. “Oh, really? And how did I look at her?” 

“Like you loved her!” She screamed. 

“But when I say you and Jaemin love each other I’m the crazy one, right?” 

“What’s going on here?” Jaemin asked, entering the room with hesitant steps. 

“Nothing,” Haechan cut short, standing up to leave and go to his room, giving her his back and passing by his friend. “Maybe I need to make her fantasy come true.” 

The night wasn’t supposed to end this way. When Haechan called Zoya to ask her if she was free and drove to her place, his only intention was to get drunk and rant about his feelings while she listened and then do the same for her. 

So he wasn’t sure how they ended up naked on her bed, knuckles deep inside her while she moaned his name. 

It would’ve been easy to blame it on the alcohol, but the truth is that the cans of beer were mostly left untouched. 

The reason was bigger than that, but none of the two wanted to address the elephant in the room, and it was fine like this. Being tangled in the sheets wasn’t a new thing for them, surely years had passed, and they both went beyond the awkwardness of their first time, but there still was a familiar feeling lingering in the air. 

“Haechan, fuck,” Zoya moaned when his fingers curled, hitting her sensitive spot, and his lips sucked harshly on her clit. Her heart dropped in her chest as butterflies took flight in her stomach when he only grinned, staring straight into her eyes. If she wasn’t drunk on the feeling, she would’ve wondered since when he was this good at this, but it really didn’t matter when her legs were trembling and her lungs were gasping for air. 

“Too much for you?” He teased after pulling away from her with a loud pop sound, but replacing his tongue with his thumb, rubbing quick circles. “I’m not even started, yet.” 

No words left her mouth, the only reply was in her hands moving down to tangle in his hair and push his face back between her legs. Haechan grinned against her skin before resuming his movements. Tongue moving in swift licks and mouth sucking, while his other hand ran up her thigh, keeping her spread.

“Hyuck,” her voice came out like a whisper while her back arched, feeling the orgasm approach, fingers clenching harder in his hair and toes curling. And his name was the last thing she was able to say before her high hit. 

“Feared you weren’t letting me go,” Haechan joked, grinning playfully as he stood up once her fingers left his hair, bringing his fingers to his lips to lick them clean. 

Zoya chuckled, supporting her upper body on her elbows. “You changed a lot,” she said, staring into his eyes, slowly moving back against the bed as he crawled to her. 

“Is this a bad thing?” He asked, grabbing her chin to lift her face before letting his thumb run over her lips. 

“I don’t know,” she whispered, feeling the tension rise up in the air, “I feel like I still have to get to know the new you.” 

Haechan snickered. “Do you want to start getting a taste now?” 

A smile curled her lips as she moved closer to him, lips brushing. “I’m not dumb enough to say no.” 

This was a slippery slope and deep down in their hearts — and brains, too — they both knew it. But tonight it didn’t matter, tonight was just for fun. Nothing of this would’ve existed tomorrow. They could’ve pretended, leaving this as it was — a tangled mess of bodies and skin — and not an overcomplicated, emotional mess of feelings and fears, those were waiting outside at the door, but they would’ve faced them in the morning. 

Haechan was about to open his mouth and say something, but Zoya was quick at shutting him up, one hand over his mouth as she moved her head side to side. 

“Don’t,” she breathed out, glassy eyes looking into his, “Please, don’t say a word. Just fuck me.”

And he didn’t make her repeat herself, nodding quickly before slipping inside of her, watching her mouth part at the stretch as he eased down until he bottomed down. 

“Fuck,” they both muttered at the same time, eyes fluttering shut for a split second before they opened again. 

“Move,” she ordered, “do I have to guide you through this or can you fuck me good?”

Haechan furrowed, grunting under his breath, “I can fuck you good, and better than any other man has ever done. You should know that.”

Zoya scoffed. “I’ve had much better sex after you. You know, you weren’t that great.”

It could’ve easily been a trick to drive him past his limit and start fucking into her, but Haechan didn’t care. He wanted to prove to her he was the best she ever had. 

“Is this how you want it? Hard and rough?” He teased, head tilting to the side as he watched her face let go into pleasure, head slightly rolled back while soft, husky moans slipped from her mouth. “Is this how my replacements gave it to you?”

A crease formed on her forehead as she forced herself to don’t reply. “You moved on, too,” she said, parting her eyes to meet his. “Much faster than me.”

Haechan scoffed. “Were you keeping tabs on me? Couldn’t even let me know if you were alive but were making sure to know my every single move?”

“Just shut up,” she groaned, pulling him closer by his hair, tugging at them harshly, biting his lower lip, making him whimper. 

“What if I don’t want to? What if I want to — mmph — fuck,” he mumbled when she cupped his chin and squeezed tight. 

“You don’t,” she replied sternly, taking advange of his momentary state of surprise to turn the situation around, pushing him on his back on the other side of the bed, quickly fixing her body on top of him. “You shut up and fuck me like I tell you to, okay?” 

“This is not me fucking you, it’s you fucking me.” 

“Good,” she breathed out, “better even, so you don’t act up.” 

“I was just —” his words died in his mouth when she pushed two fingers inside, pressing down on his tongue, making him gag. “Suck,” she ordered. “You’re so good with your mouth when you suck, so keep it busy.”

Haechan wanted to complain but he physically couldn’t, and honestly, after a few seconds, he couldn’t even care. Not when she was riding him so well, filthy sounds of skin slapping against skin filling his brain and getting him drunker on the feeling. He wasn’t used to this, going back to back into stable relationships he rarely felt the heat of irrational sex, and even more hate sex. He could read it in her thrusts, she was mad, angry at him, but didn’t dare to say anything out loud, so she unloaded in another way. And he was mad too, he was so angry, and he didn’t even know why. He didn’t know anything anymore. 

“Fuck, that’s good,” she hissed, throwing her head back, sinking her nails into his chest while the others kept keeping his mouth full. “Just take it and don’t say a word,” she ordered when she pulled her fingers out, messily smearing the spit on his chin. 

And he didn’t complain, he couldn’t, it felt good, and he felt like he needed to be punished a bit, he deserved to be put back in his place. 

And with all those emotions running through their bodies, it didn’t take long for them to come. Panting bodies, needy hands, and breathy, desperate moans, making a mess on the sheets, letting out senseless words and curses, before everything came to an alt. 

Her body collapsed on his, and with the few strength left his arm wrapped around her waist, thumb caressing a patch of skin. 

The night wasn’t supposed to end this way. 

“I think I fucked things up,” Jaemin and Zoya said at the same time as they sat down at a table at the bar where they set the date.  

“You start,” they voiced out together, rolling their eyes at their thing today. 

“I fucked with Haechan,” Zoya confessed, nervously biting her lower lip. 

“You did what?” He gasped, eyes widening in shock while his mouth hung open. 

“What you heard, Jaemin. Please, don’t make me repeat it,” she huffed, rubbing her temple.  

“But why?” Jaemin asked. “I mean, you’re allowed to do what you want, but you were the one telling me he was a prohibited zone?” 

“He was, I mean, he is, I just,” she sighed, running a hand in her hair, and looking outside at the street before bringing her attention to her friend. “I guess we both felt lonely and it’s easier to fall in the arms of a friend than a stranger,” she shrugged. 

Jaemin chuckled bitterly, bitterness filling his heart, but Zoya looked at him with a confused expression, thinking for a moment he was mocking her. “Oh, no, I agree. I kinda did the same thing.” 

“Don’t tell me…” Zoya whispered, and when Jaemin lowered his head, giving her a silent answer, she gasped. “You said you weren’t going to be near her like that!” 

“She did it first!” Jaemin justified. “I tried to push her out of my mind, I swear I tried to erase my feelings because even if he was a shitty boyfriend, I still felt wrong for that, but it happened…” 

Zoya was speechless, looking around as if she could find the words somewhere, before her gaze fell back on him, trying to comfort him with a smile. “Tell me he doesn’t know?” 

“He knows, he punched me,” Jaemin facepalmed. 

“Oh, Lord…” she gasped, quickly covering her mouth with her hands. “At least, are you two together? Because I’m not saying I would feel less guilty, but I would.” 

“She doesn’t care about me,” Jaemin whispered. “Not like I care about her.” 

She frowned. “But you said she started it?” 

“It was just sex, Zoya. She’s never been with anybody but Haechan, she wanted to get laid the other night when we went clubbing, but she sucks at flirting, and I simply was there, right time, right moment.” 

The coldness behind his voice made her sad, watching him try to cope with it and pretend he didn’t care, sucked. “But why would you say yes if you love her?” 

“Because I thought it was better than nothing,” he replied before sighing. “And because I thought I could make some magic tricks with my dick and make her fall for me, what a dumbass.” 

Zoya chuckled before reaching for his hand and caressing it. “But… are you sure she doesn’t even like you a little bit? You two are close.” 

“Did Haechan talk about us?” 

“He did, he ranted saying you go around looking like a couple to rub it in his face, but he didn’t talk about the sex thing,” Zoya explained. 

Jaemin rolled his eyes, of course, he was going around saying they acted like a couple. “We don’t, he’s just jealous. Hyejin might not love me, but she’s happy with me, and she’s also happy with herself in a way she simply wasn’t when she was with him.” 

Zoya sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear. “He wasn’t like that when we were dating. I had my insecurities and fears, but he rarely fed into them. I’m not saying he was the best boyfriend ever but… he was.” 

“I know right? He’s not a bad person, but you agree that Hyejin is shining now that they’re not together anymore?” 

Zoya exhaled deeply. “Yeah, it’s true.” 

“Anyway, should we order and stop talking about this? It’s kinda making me sad,” Jaemin chuckled, handing her the menu. 

Zoya smiled, nodding. “Sure, before my appetite disappears.” 

Lunch went on fine, talking about more and less, and somehow never going back to the ‘Hyechan’ topic again, but when they were walking around town and the things to say to each other about the week ran out, Jaemin couldn’t help but ask. 

“So, what will you do with Haechan?” 

Zoya stopped abruptly, taking her eyes off from a bag in the window and looking at him. “Nothing, it was just sex and a very dumb idea.” 

“Do you still love him?” 

She gulped, swirling the liquid in her cup to take her time. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I’ve ever stopped loving him. But I can’t do this to Hyejin… it would be like proving her right, and potentially even putting her against Donghyuck because she’ll think he was in love with me even when they were together.” 

Jaemin hummed. It made sense, it sucked, but it made sense morally. “That’s how you felt when you found out they started dating after you left?” 

Zoya hummed, fighting back the tears. “Yeah… I can’t do this to her.” 

“So we’re fucked?” Jaemin asked. “We might as well give us a try, maybe it was supposed to be like this.” 

Zoya laughed, pushing him away with a light slap on his arm. “I doubt we will work romantically.” 

“No, no, I agree,” he giggled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they started walking again. “I just wish it was easier. I wish it wasn’t like walking on a tightrope with the risk of losing friends…” 

“Haechan doesn’t talk to you anymore?” 

Jaemin hummed. “Just greetings, and when we talk about something else, we bicker.” 

“I can talk to him,” she proposed, genuinely feeling sad it all came down to this.  

“No, I’m in the wrong too because I get aggressive and defensive even when he tries to simply communicate. I’m stressed and scared, and I fuck things up too. And if I was him, I wouldn’t trust me anymore… I should’ve said no to her. It was like stabbing him in the back.” 

“Or maybe we should all be looser and let everything find its place? She’s not going back to him, so she might as well come to you.” 

“You just said you can’t take Haechan back because it would be like betraying her trust?” 

“It’s different, I’m his ex, the reason why she already felt insecure for months, years, if we want to be honest. If I get in the picture, I would tear their friendship apart too, and they don’t deserve it. I have to take a step back, breathe, and remind myself that there are thousands of other people in the world waiting for me, and Haechan is not one of these.” 

Another sigh left his lips as he nodded. “Still, if she doesn’t love me there’s nothing I can do. I’m sure she will find her person, and I’ll be happy for her when it happens.” 

Jeno should’ve thought twice before inviting every person of his groups of friends to this small party he threw. It was nothing wild, something to drink, something to eat, and music playing from the speakers. The place was crowded as there were a lot of +1, but the air was still breathable… for some people at least. 

Haechan wasn’t having a great time as he held in his hand the — by now — empty glass and pierced his gaze on Jaemin and Hyejin that had never stopped dancing together since they arrived. 

It should have been none of his business, he could’ve easily looked away and maybe even flirt with anybody else, but he couldn’t. 

“Can you at least tell me if I’ll ever have you in my life again?” 

When Hyejin walked out on the balcony of a bedroom upstairs, she didn’t expect Haechan to follow her. She thought Jaemin was going to tag along and enjoy the peace of the quiet of the night, but instead, a very heartbroken Haechan was standing in front of her. 

“I didn’t want to follow you,” he said, leaning against the window, “but I need to talk to you. I need answers because I hate everything about this, and it’s driving me crazy.” 

“And what do you want to know? I can’t see into the future, Haechan. I can’t promise you or Jaemin anything…” 

Haechan huffed. “See, you always bring him up. And it’s like you do it on purpose to rub it on my face. I hate seeing you with him, not like this, not so soon.” 

Hyejin scoffed. “Then why didn’t you show me you cared when we were together?”

“But I do! I did care, we could’ve solved this by talking instead of cutting things off.” 

“I didn’t cut you off, I needed time. I will never be able to live my life without you, at least that’s what I think, but I opened my eyes and realized that that wasn’t your place.” 

Haechan felt his heart drop. At this point this wasn’t even about love, it was about everything that had been between them since they were little. They were walking on a tightrope with no safety net, something they’d never done before, and the outcomes looked terrifying. “And it’s his? It’s Jaemin’s?” 

“I don’t know,” she said. “He’s just a friend…” 

He scoffed. “Oh, seriously? You treat friends like you treat him?” 

“He cares for me,” she retorted, brain running faster to come up with an answer. “Maybe that’s why you’re mad and jealous, you are afraid he will treat me better than you even as a friend, you’re terrified he will take me away from you. But tell me, are you mad for losing me as a lover or are you shitting yourself for losing me as a friend? As your best friend, as the one that has always been by your side. The one that cleaned your wounds, the one that walked with you every step of your life. Because I shit myself too when I think that maybe we will never have that back when I think that I lost you and there’s nothing I can do to have you back,” her voice came out higher than she wanted to as she tried to fight against her tears and don’t sob like a child, but the alcohol and the conversation weren’t helping.  

Haechan took a step closer. “I don’t know. I wish I knew but I don’t know. I… I miss you and I don’t know what I miss of you. But I hate that you lie to me. You let him kiss you just two seconds ago, I saw you, and I… I never felt more jealous than this in my life. I want to be the one kissing you, I want to hold you, I want to…” he sighed, looking down at the floor. “I want you.” 

Hyejin sniffled, shaking her head. “Do you really? Or is it just because we are the only ones we’ve ever known, and we’re terrified of navigating life in a different way? I… I’m so confused and every time I think I’ve taken a step forward, I see you and it takes me back to the start.” 

“Then let’s give it another chance…” he said, holding her hand. 

“I can’t… Jaemin…” 

“So you see you like him?”

“I don’t know if I do. I don’t want to use him, but I don’t know what I’m feeling. I know I feel good with him, and I know he gets me so much, Hyuck, you don’t understand how easily and quickly Jaemin understands me, you have no idea how he makes me feel. But I’m terrified, I’m afraid I’m rushing everything, and I don’t want to lose him too.” 

“I can make you feel good, too. I used to understand you so easily, what happened?” 

“I don’t know what happened, but something happened and here we are…” she said, looking into his eyes. They were standing so close to each other now, and she felt her heart skip a beat. But this didn’t feel like it used to feel. Staring into his eyes, she could only see blurred lines and holes. Surely there was tension, but she knew it was driven by dumbness. 

“Please, just another chance.” 

She felt the need to lean forward, to kiss him, to feel his lips again, but she couldn’t. “I can’t.” 

“Why? Are you two dating? Or is he the only one having feelings for you?” 

“It’s because I know you don’t love me and it’s just jealousy.” 

“You always know everything, don’t you?” 

Hyejin lowered her head, hugging herself as she felt her heart slump into a void. No, she didn’t know a thing. She needed to let go, but holding onto Haechan was so tempting when he was her safety net her whole life. And right now, he was right there, begging for another chance, just like she wanted before she took her decision of breaking up. 

“It’s always on me,” Haechan said, walking closer to her, pushing her close to the wall, “it’s me loving somebody else, it’s me not caring for you enough, what about you? What about your feelings for him?”

“I broke my back to be with you, I started doing so many things for you, I… I even tried to look past all of our differences to make it work and you only… you didn’t even meet me halfway.” 

“Tell me you love him,” he urged. “Tell me you love him as much as you love me, now. Tell me pushing me out of your life has made you feel better!” He said, crying. 

“I don’t love him, I don’t even want to think about him,” she screamed before impulses took over and she kissed him. Haechan immediately kissed her back, hands cupping her face as he pushed her against the hard frame of the window, bodies pressing against each other. 

A stupid urge that was going to stain that picture with more blood, especially when their hands moved to undo the buttons on their pants, touching each other in a way they haven’t done in months, feeling adrenaline and pain rush in their blood. 

“I can still give you so much,” Haechan whispered while his fingers moved in circles on her clit, still covered by the panties. “Don’t leave me, Hyejin. I need you so fucking much.” 

“I — I need you too, but I — I don’t,” she sighed, head rolling against the hard surface because of his fingers. “I don’t know how I need you.” 

“Don’t think, don’t worry, we’ll solve this. We can do that, we’ve been through so much together.” 

Hyejin nodded, feeling tears roll down her cheeks. Not this time, a solution wasn’t going to arrive for this. Always, but not this time, not so soon, not now, and not like this. 

“Please, let me make you feel good,” he whispered, kissing her cheek, waiting for her answer, a nod was all he got and a small smile. 

But his slender fingers knuckles deep inside of her didn’t feel as good as they used to. The physical pleasure wasn’t enough to suppress the emotional pain they were feeling. The uncertainty, the mess, and the future. Her hands quickly moved up and down his hard dick, trying to focus on him too, trying to feel him more, to make this look like it was, but nothing was like before, it was all different, and they both knew all of this had no meaning, no depth, no feelings if not regrets and fears. 

When the glass shattering echoed in the room, they both brought their teary eyes to the source of the sound. Jaemin was standing there. 

His eyes immediately locked with Hyejin’s as he tried to hold back his tears, wanting to leave the room as soon as possible but somehow feeling stuck. 

They all felt the same way, almost as if every single one of them was in the wrong and had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. 

Yet, the first one to break this tension was him. 

“I’m sorry, I thought you were alone,” he quickly voiced out before stepping out of the room and closing the door. 

“I — I…” 

“You have to run after him,” Haechan finished for her, moving away from her, looking at the floor, quickly buckling his pants again and cleaning his fingers on them. 

“Aren’t you mad?” 

“Am I happy? No. But mad? For what?” he whispered. “I’m just terrified because I don’t have answers, but I’m pretty sure you have them, so go and finish this.” 

“But we kissed, and your fingers were into me two seconds ago.” 

“And?” 

“And…” she said, lightly shaking her head to urge him to make two plus two and come to a conclusion.  

“It wasn’t like before. It was full of fears and thousands of things we never had the courage to face. Not you, not me,” he sighed, sniffling. “I’m sorry.” 

Hyejin raised her eyes, feeling tears drip down. “I don’t want to lose you.” 

“I don’t want to lose you either but maybe we really need more time off. I don’t think I’ll truly get over you if I keep seeing your face, if I keep seeing you with him.” 

“But what if I’m using him? What if… what if what I’m feeling it’s just momentary? He doesn’t deserve this.” 

“He loves you enough to pay the price for giving it a try. He would’ve left you behind months ago if he didn’t truly care for you. And I hate this so much but… yeah, you’re right, knowing that you’re with him drives me so mad because I know he will love you more than I ever did, and I’ve always been your only one your entire life. I’m not used to being on the sidelines of your life, and I act like a child when it happens.” 

Hyejin sobbed, shaking her head. “But I don’t want to push you on the sidelines.” 

“But you’ve only had eyes for me your entire life, and I’ve drugged myself into that feeling, and now that your eyes are not for me only, I feel lost, scared, and worthless. And it’s selfish, and you’ve already been enough selfless for me, I can’t ask you to be selfless even this time. Go to him, go to him before this thing can get messier.” 

“What if… what if I’m not ready? What if it’s not about him but me?” 

“He still deserves an explanation. I don’t care, blame it on me, Hye, say anything, but don’t hurt him. You were all over him all night, and me and my stupid games lead you here.” 

“Our stupid games,” she whispered. “I still don’t know what to tell him.” 

“Anything. Just don’t hurt him.” 

“Hey,” her voice resonated weakly in the night air as she rested her arms on the terrace, standing next to Jaemin. 

He was quick at wiping his nose and cheeks quickly before coughing and turning to her, nodding his head in a small greeting. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, gaze fixed on him even if he was staring at the road in front of them. 

“For what?” 

“You know for what,” she said. 

“No, I don’t,” he replied. 

She sighed. “That I kissed him.” 

Jaemin shrugged, peeling the crusty paint on the rail. “My fault for not knocking, I hope I didn’t ruin the mood.” 

She sighed. “You… you don’t care?” 

“Why would I?” 

“Because… I don’t know, I thought that we…” 

“We just fucked once, and made out before, it’s meaningless,” he said, a bitter smile on his lips. “I understand, really. It’s not easy to move on from what you had.” 

“You think I still love him?” 

“I don’t care,” he said, taking a step back. 

“You don’t? I thought — I thought you did…” 

“You’re a grown-up, you don’t need me to make a choice. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever been one of the options to pick so, I don’t care.” 

“But you said — you said all those things, about me and him,” she said. 

“Weren’t they true?” 

“Yes, that’s why I broke up with him. Now you’re fine with me going back?” 

“I don’t care,” he repeated sternly, but it felt like he was trying to convince himself. “It’s up to you to decide if it’s a smart choice or not. Who knows, maybe he’ll learn this time.” 

She sniffled, looking down. “So… we were just… just sex and… and kisses?” 

“Kisses,” he snickered. 

“What? Don’t act as if we didn’t kiss more than friends would.” 

“Friends don’t kiss, Hyejin. They simply don’t.” 

“But we did… not only now, we… when we’re cooking together, when you drop me off work, when you…” 

“And you kissed him, well, you were all over him, I wouldn’t even call it a kiss,” he pointed out. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Jaemin shook his head. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. Not my first time being a rebound.” 

“You’re not a rebound.” 

“Well, whatever I am, it’s clear you don’t love me, so let’s just stop with this. it’s clearly just attraction,” he said. “No more kisses from now on.” 

Hyejin shook her head. “No, not from now,” she said, reaching him. “From tomorrow.” 

But Jaemin pushed her away. 

“You can’t force something that’s not meant to be.” 

“How do you know?” 

“What?” 

“That it’s not meant to be, how do you always know everything? Why do you have to be wiser than me? Why can’t you be stupid and do stupid things like kissing me, over and over, until I have no more air in my lungs? Why… why can’t you fight for me?” She asked, feeling her throat close while her eyes got foggy again. 

“You want me to fight?” 

“I want you to want me.” 

“I want you,” Jaemin said, feeling his heart break for his following words, “I don’t love you, that’s the difference.” 

And as Jaemin left her outside alone, the truth started to sink in while she stared at the ghost he left behind. She had lost both loves of her life in one night. 

© neowinestaindress; all rights reserved. do NOT repost, modify, or translate any work from this blog on any other platform and claim it as yours. you can find my works on ao3 (neowinestaindress) and wattpad (winestaintedress_; currently inactive).

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @smwhirnthehaze ; @liliansun ; @moonstar127 ; @novawon ; @neosdaisy ; @automarktic ; @dullparadisewithtxt ; @hiqhkey ; @totallynotlisa ; @nimimimini | comment under the masterlist to be added | general taglist: @froggyforyoongi , @wingsss45 ; @tddyhyck

[nightdustfallen]

Finally made a ref sheet lol if any of ya'll needed a bit more of a full view to draw em here it is, as well as the accurate non-shadowed colors By the way, you can use the tag "nightly.art" to see all of my art if you dont want to dig thru all of the other art (of lovely and talented people) that i regularly reblog

Which i suppose also segways into an introductory pinned post? perhaps

Well im Nightdust!! my main fursona is this guy above me, he is called Nightdust Fallen, he is a breed of a husky and a wolf, making him extremely fluffy and puffy! The reason for his name is by the fact that (in my head canon or lore) he came from a bunch of fallen space star dust, hence why he likes space so much and staring at the stars, he also has some sort of ice magic i havent fully fleshed out yet, one thing i can say tho is that when he sneezes, he does it softly and he puffs out small ice snowflakes and can freeze things he touches he is also supposed to wear glasses like me but i suck at drawing those and forgot to include them here anyway so

He is very shy, doesnt talk much but is very protective of his very close friends and would do anything to protect them and make sure they're safe, he is a femboy (of course), enjoys listening to calm relaxing music and high octane electronic music at times, is a gamer, likes cuddling up in bed and i think that's it

It also doubles up as a self description of myself so yeah lol Still tho feel free to send me an ask if you have any questions or anything, with that said onwards to more personal stuff

I enjoy drawing obviously, but i also enjoy cooking stuff and origami, i play a lot of roblox usually to pass time but a game i really got into is "Voices of the Void" i really recommend but it's not for everyone, i like the game's concept and how detailed the space is there. For some reason, a lot of the time i am cold, my hands, feet, nose and limbs overall are very cold which is why i thought about giving my oc some ice magic thing. I am taken, in a relationship with my cutie bunny bf, and my sexuality is bisexual. As said before i do not talk much since im not the social type and usually freeze up or dont know what to say, hence why sometimes i take a long time to respond to something or my response is "dry" or not full of much emotion since i dont really know what to say or feel like im annoying if i talk too much. If you read thru all of that and get here then reply with the word bean so i know you're a true one hehe. I also often wait for others to start the conversation rather than me starting since i again, feel like i would bother the other person or like i could distract them if they are doing something

Anyways i believe that is pretty much it, thank for reading all of this if you did, and i probably didnt mention lots of details i should have but they arent coming to my mind right now

[lazywriter-artist]

Hey, How do you think your OCs would interact with Machina Furem?

For this, three scenarios

Scenario one: machina approaches in a humanoid form he thinks they would trust, probably a skitarii

Scenario two: Machina furem approaches as a Blackstone fortress, communicating with the other ship's machine spirit before communicating to the characters.

Scenario three: the character find machina Furem while trying to find something on the Noosphere- machina furem had no time to prepare.

He has alot of spyware, so for Scenario one and Scenario two assume machina Furem knows what they are like before approaching them.

Oooo alrighty!

Well let’s see

Ahem—

I’ll probably stick closer to my AdMech ocs just for ease (and to keep this from being a mile long text scroll— more then it already will be anyway-)!

So

Situation one:

Skitariis kind of appearing aren’t that unusual, Centipide Dominus has a habit of stealing anything smaller than him and adding it to his horde either until they DO become one of his numbers (in the case of skits and other machine worshipers this typically includes some augments while for say his three guardsman the imperium bureaucracy or what have you just gives up trying to get them back) or until they go home, so I think most every of my Admechs wouldn’t bat an eye much at this

Dominus might be a bit confused at first bc he didn’t scoop up any new skits recently but he’d get over that very quickly— I think the most uneasy about Mac would probably be the Logis, they sense something off/different about the skitarii in question but Silverfish Logis would very likely brush it off, not as experienced as Crab Logis who would definitely narrow down that this skit was sending off the unusual vibes.

This means Archmantis is also weary of this new skit but it’s a bit hard to conduct much anything let alone an interrogation when as soon as you try you’re met with this—

He is overprotective of his babies what can I say—

So on the upside for Mac they got their own protector :D! Bad news is removal of this skit from Centipede Dominus is not advised— he uh- gets snappy—

Situation two:

The magos beetle Explorator is more than excited at the prospect of the blackstone fortress! Above all else their servos crave for, well, exploration. It’s why Silverfish Logis is typically paired and pretty close on their heels =m= they lack a lot of self preservation.

Archmantis with guidance from his hubby does do his best to keep a level head even if they’re uneasy by the undocumented(?) fortress’s approach, tho crab Logis (likely guided by the machine spirit’s communication with the fortress) reassures that it’s probably not anything to worry too much about and to just keep their guard up—

Centipede Dominus however isn’t too hyped about the prospect of this thing possibly being used by enemy forces (thus risking not only his troops but also an uneven fight >:( ) so he’s more then ready to go toe to toe with it in some sort of dog fight— but ArchMantis makes sure to wrangle him back in

Situation three:

For this one again I’ll narrow it down to Dominus centipede or Explorator Beetle & Silverfish Logis— this post is getting long and I can’t think of much else to add on with the others—

In the Log & Explore route Explorator is very excited! Again- they lack a lot of that self preservation and kind of tiptoe around heretek with the upbeat attitude and his loyalties to the Omnissiah staying pretty strong. So I don’t see this one going too a wry aside form Silverfish Logis being a bit uneasy the whole time with circumstances considered—

Centipede Dominus? As we’ve established he’s uh— he’s got his…things going on—

Yeah that—

So I’d say this interaction might go a bit rougher between the two considering— again— the things—

Yeah :)

He’d get a bit silly and considering the Mac Loretm I’ve read, probably would get his multitude of ass handed to him before ArchMantis had to come and save him/drag him back home while he gets an earful

But yeah!!! Mac shenanigans with my boys :)

All and all I don’t think it’d go too bad, just for sake of keeping it light hearted! Could I go into the depths of Mac central angst caused to and or by my babs? Sure. But that’s for another day :3

[emerxshiu]

Elfilis for valentines :3

did on y'all but im back, hopefully i'll post for a few more days before i dissapear again

anyways have a drawing of my wife

with text

i actually wanted to draw kirfluff but my need to draw elfilis took over and my hands and back hurt like hell so i didnt draw the rest of stuff i wanted. maybe i could draw it later or tomorrow but im posting this now before i fall asleep or something and dont post.

It was also an excuse to draw the redesign of my fecto gijinka i had made a few weeks ago so, yeah it was fun.

Tho i might make some adjustments to my gijinka if i see fit. also in this drawing he has some differences from the actual gijinka, mainly, the little hearts arent like that in my gijinka and the bangs here have been tied up because i wasnt feeling like drawing them since theyre really long. also the lashes, but here i kinda tried doing their eyes differently and then colored them so i might make my lis gijinka have his eyes like this or change them, im not sure.

tho the more i look at the drawing, the more dissatisfied i become, i mean i did it yesterday around night and stuff so i didnt really think that much about it, (it took around seven hours and i finished it at like 1 am, i definitly wasnt the most concious at that time) but i feel like something is missing i dunno

maybe its the coloring, i had to remake the shading a lot of times since i didnt know how to do it, my style is really inconsistent a lot of times, going from cell shading to soft shading to mixing them both and so on so forth with a lot more of that.

i do have a sketch with some half finished lineart i did of one of the ideas i had (i was originally going to do more pieces with more characters but i didnt go trough it cuz i knew i wouldnt be able to do it in time) but im too embarassed of it to post it

and even tho i complained, i still kinda like this drawing

(small edit i did)

next post is either one about a gijinka i have almost finished of an obscure kirby character i decided to adopt into an oc or a splatoon post following the fresh season 2024 and side order trailers, (fun fact side order releases just a few days before my birth day! im eating good with nintendo just like last year (last year was wave 1 of the dlc and return to dreamland deluxe))

Now im going to take a break after posting this on my other accounts and then later fight fecto elfilis (i do this almost every month sooo) and then grind my catlogue to get it to 100 before the next season starts

Jambuhbye!

(fuck i just remembered i wanted to talk about a silly headcanon i made for lis while drawing this but i forgot and i dont want to write more ahhhh)

[n0bluev]

Somehow, im inspired to write that 'revision fic'. === (EDIT : u can skip but heres another snippet for u (3 separate bits that fit together nicely, actually haha) cuz hihi. THE AU: As i said, its a failed "3"rd regression context, where yjh is now in his "4"th round. The last memory he has of kdj is him dying, and to make things worse "In this round, that guy doesn't exist." is a thing, so yjh freaks out a bit but hes totally normal about this whole ordeal & the fact that he doesnt even remembers kdj's face now. Wdym! Hes fiiiiiine!

sorry lol back to the actual post : (,hope u enjoyed that little treat tho^^)) ===

!!THAT [Somehow, im inspired to write [...]] HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!!. I always like. do an outline for the overall story and vibe, then flesh out the start or something and cook up a little 500 (probably unsatisfying) words for fun kind of as a bonus. Keep it mostly for my private enjoyment and move on before the story comes to life. And that's okay... Yes, it would be cooler to actually write the AU ideas i get in novel or comic form instead of having them stay at just the 'sketch' & 'idea/brainstorm' phase before i get another idea and leave them to dust up in the pile,,

But yeah, its okay.

In the few years since ive started getting ideas for more elaborate aus/fics, ive noticed that my ideas improved with time. (no shit, i know, but it makes me happy! i grew up!!! i can see it.) My planning methods are better too. So all of that unfinished or abandoned stuff is not at all useless work in my eyes. And who knows, maybe one day i'll bring them back.

--> as a plus, all my fandom brainrot experiences even get transferred into my OC stuff, and frl whenever i read my notes these days (or listen to my voice memos lol) and im just like "HOW DID I THINK OF THIS WOW" or "WHEN DID I PUT THIS LIKE THIS? IT WORKS!" (not to brag or anything but my oc lore goes hard ☝️)

BUT. NOW THIS IS UNEXPECTED.

I DID NO PLANNING. I just started writing for orv and its. Lowkey, good ???? Dont get me wrong i only have 1.5k right now and there are clear holes i have to fill and stuff but... CLEAR HOLES! CLEAR HOLES. Sure Im used to being like "something of the sort should go there..." BUT THIS TIME ITS "THIS SHOULD GO THERE, ILL WRITE IT LATER BUT THE IMAGE IS IN MY MIND, CLEAR AS WATER, AND ONCE I START PUTTING IT ON THE PAGE ISTG THOSE WORDS WILL STREAM OUT OF MY FINGERS AS IF IT WAS A NORMAL OCCURENCE FOR ME" ,,- !??? Yo!

Anyways. Point is that somehow theres interesting stuff going on in my gg doc and the more i write the more i know where i want to go, so that's cool, i feel all powerfull for once

idk if that ease is going to stay once im done with the first scenes (ughh!!! theres so much potential!!!!!!!!) but hopefully yes. either way ill probably post it so im not baiting yall with a "um actually im writing smt rn --- *never shares with the class*" --- either 1) things go well and i write a "real fic" (!? wtf that wasnt my plan!) --- or 2) i only post the finished version of what i have now (expect around 5k? (i have no idea actually)) and we wait together to see if i pick up the idea again haha. (i do wish to write it tho! im not a 'writer' writer but i want to be one, u get me?)

! thank u see u byebye

[muppenthings]

Did any of your giant ocs regret being so big and want to be smaller? And how do they deal with that sense of guilt and self-loathing?

Yeah Coby, Tide, Cetus and Keiki.

Put under a read more because it got long. xD

Coby regrets being the size and form he is every second of the day. He wasn't originally so big, he was just a human. He wants to go back to normal so bad, to be able to do normal human things again. The new body isn't his. It's alien, literally and figuratively. He deals with it poorly, even if they're working on getting him used to the new body. He's prone to mental breakdowns, nightmares and panic attacks. Archer is pretty much the only anchor he's got, which puts a lot of pressure on Archer too.

Tide has mixed feelings of his size. When he was with his foster parent, he never felt too big. Ore was just like him. When he was made to join a Oceanic mer pod, that's when he started disliking it. The pod said they accepted him, that he was a part of the pod. But he knew he wasn't really, seeing how differently they treated their own kids. So kid and teen Tide tried his hardest to be useful to them, hoping that one day they would genuinely like him. He was making use of his size while also hating it. He often felt out of place, wishing he was a small mer instead. Maybe it'd be better then.

When he was a young adult, they abandoned him when he was caught by humans who mistook him for a large sea creature (a non mer, catching merfolk is illegal). They didn't even try to help him, which made him realize that he'd never be accepted no matter how hard he tried. He'd always be that "too big mer", never family or even friend.

So after his recovery, he instead used his size to steal from mers and humans. He was taking out his negative emotions about himself, and others, on others. His justification being that they don't like him by default for his size so why not just do what he want using it; they never cared about him so he shouldn't care about them either. He tried telling himself that he didn't care, but he cares a lot about what others think of him. It's a reason why he reacted strongly towards Merry when he thought they called him a "monster". Being called "ocean menace" he was ok with.

He's still very conflicted about his size, having ups and downs. There are days he wishes he could interact with Merry like any other mer. But also, Merry truly makes him feel like just any other mer. And him working on mending his relationship with mers (and humans), are going to do wonders for his self-esteem and make him better accept his size as they accept him in return. :)

For Cetus it's mostly when he wants physical contact. That's when he's frustrated because he's just too big to be fully satisfied. Freshwater mers rub their long bodies against eachother, like cats, to be affectionate. As a substitute, Cetus rubs along ships and cliffs because they're the only things big enough to handle his body mass. Even tho the ships are sent rocking and the humans do not want him to do it. Some days he's just very frustrated by the lack of contact and the humans gotta be extra calm and assertive then. He usually calms down after a session of someone petting his nose (a lot of the electroreceptors are on his nose so if the person is calm, that calm will be transferred to him by him literally sensing their calm heartbeats and relaxed muscles).

Keiki had a loving family growing up which helped him be more at ease with his size and himself. They accepted all of him and let him vent about his frustrations, and cry on the days when he felt different from everyone else. They made sure he knew he was loved, that behind the size he was still Keiki.

Most of the time, he's happy and ok with his size. It's when something happens that's directly due to his size that he gets upset and dislikes it. He is prone to cause accidents due to being clumsy (mostly due to constant sizeshifting making his brain confused as to where his body is in relation to things). So there are days when he doesn't like himself. He's surrounded by people that care about him so he's got a solid network to turn to for comfort.

He sometimes daydream about being the size of a regular mer. But then he's also reminded of how much scarier the ocean would be and how he wouldn't be able to do many of the things he does to help people out. He's saved many ships and its crews from capsizing in storms, attacking sea creatures etc. So yeah. Him reminding himself of the good things he does helps him feel good about his size. :)

[saysike-skedoodles]

EVERYBODY LIKES YOU

EVERYBODY LIKES YOU!

EVERYBODY LIKES YOU!

EVERYBODY LIKES YOU!

EVERYBODY LIKED YOU!

EVERYBODY LIED TO YOU!

---

I felt like I was never going to finish this. But I did! I got addicted to the song "Everybody Likes You" by Lemon Demon again and found myself associating the song with Bex. So what do I do when I associate a song with an OC? I draw some art based off of it obviously. Bex just can't catch a break, can she? Anyways, I still don't really know why I associate a song as sporadic and crazy as this one with Bex. Most of my reasons for when I associate songs with OCs is just "probably something they'd listen to/sing". But in this case I genuinely don't know why I think it's a "Bex song". I guess what the art here suggests is that, uh, it's relating to her trying to calm down when she is struggling to stay calm.... yeah. I've also been on a bit of an MLP high at the moment and I'm pretty sure stuff like Pinkie Pie in the episode Party of One and Twilight in Lesson Zero also indirectly inspired this. Honestly the more early 2010s and before stuff that I find that inspired TMM the more I realised this show should've just been made in the 2010s full stop HAH. I also think I'm possibly fuelling some unknown TMM creepypasta fire once I post this. I can almost see the "TMM CREEPYPASTA WHERE BEX GOES INSANE AND PULLS AN MLP CUPCAKES OOOOOOOOH SCARY OOOOOOH ISN'T THIS SCARY THAT A PLUSHIE CAT IS GOING STABBY STAB OOOOOOH-" Would be pretty funny tho not gonna lie and would add to the whole "TMM being a show from the 2010s" feel LOL. Also thanks to one of my friends that helped me out with suggesting ideas on this. This drawing actually underwent a redraw during the process cuz I didn't like how it turned out the first time so shoutout to them.

---

also uhhhh I feel like I should clarify here while I still can cuz I'm a bit paranoid of stuff like this but don't take my word for gospel and start drawing a fuck ton of gorey/REALLY edgy TMM creepypasta art- honestly it would be best if you ask before hand and don't be surprised if i give a "no" answer. Just wanted to mention that since I know I joke about "OOOH TMM CREEPYPASTA OOOOH EDGY TMM FAN CONTENT" but I don't want people to just instantly assume I would be fine with it. We're just here for 2010 fun and games and to also joke about the edginess of the 2010s that I'm pretty sure we were all apart of (I'm not lying I loved the dark mlp stuff). I know TMM is a multi coloured magic animal show but let's keep the dark stuff on the down low- (i say that and the MLP infection AUs have been spreading like wildfire)

---

I'm gonna shut up now I have a lot of thoughts in regards to art I make- I dunno if people even read through the entirety of my unhinged ramblings ehehhehehehwijhhwehewfiuhewfhiuehf-

---

Deviantart

Tumblr

Art Tumblr

Youtube

TMM Official Tumblr

Newgrounds

---

[all content I post is automatically 13+ if not stated in the title or the content itself]

[mrstsung]

Look mk shipping discourse ahead

So warning ya before you kontinue. These are just my opinions. Plz dont take them so to heart ok?

Cw: vent,discourse

If yall gonna actually do subscorp.....

Bi-han and hanzo have more sexual tension than kaui ever fucking did but y'all aint ready for that conversation. ☕ *sips coffee*

Kuai and hanzo had misunderstandings and genuine friendship. Could it be something more. Sure but it doesn't need to be to be interesting or even wholesome.

Meanwhile bi-han og subzero and hanzo had this love hatefuck in their eyes. Good fucking god like y'all be shipping the wrong subzero brother.

But y'all just only like kaui cuz he's the quote unquote "nicer" brother. Meanwhile what actually happened could male for better and classic AND REAL ENEMIES TO LOVERS TROPE. i mean it's right fucking there. Kuai and hanzo were never enemies. Let alone friends till waaaaaaaaay later. And even then....they had better things to do than each other. Sorry not sorry. Kaui and hanzo were just damn to platonic to me. Meanwhile bi-han and hanzo be like "bitch" "bitch" and then internally probably all like "💖🔥🔪"

And hanzo and kaui couldn't work because of that tension hanzo has with bi-han. Mostly on bi-hans half than hanzo. Cuz y'all conveniently forget. Hanzo killed bi-han over a misunderstanding,yeah a mofo dont just forget that. You'd be pissed too if you were wrongfully killed over something you didn't do by a ninja from a rival clan. Like bruh.

You can't have this ship without complications and problems.

So you either fix that. Or do the smart thing and ship KUAI LIANG WITH TOMAS VERBADA AKA SMOKE. BECAUSE THEY ACTUALLY ARE FROM THE SAME FUCKING CLAN AND HAVE WAY MORE IN COMMON AND HAVE ACTUALLY LIVED AND BEEN AROUND EACH OTHER!!! ffs.

Hanzo hasashi has not shown in canon anything to kuai than just mutual respect.

Kuai maybe but i dunno. I feel people reach so much with this ship it's like do we even play the same game?

Meanwhile the fucking "bitch fest" bi-han and hanzo have is on another lvl. Granted all this hate is still misplaced and quan chi is the real problem. But ya know.

If you're gonna ship a subzero with hanzo. Bi-han subzero makes more sense.

Tho i personally don't ship hanzo with any subzero ever. (I either self ship or have him just be dad ninja)

And i ship kuai liang subzero with tomas and bi-han with sareena (and self ship with either on occasion)

Either way the point is. Y'all be going about these characters and their dynamics so wrong. And i feel people just want different characters than what is actually happening. Like go make an oc at that point. It's different when they dont have certain dynamics shown and aspects. (Most mk villains dont because they are treated majority of the time as guys to beat up. So they aren't like sub and scorp. Which is shown.....everywhere,all the time,and takes up a majority of the plot. So we know all there is about yellow n blue ninja clans. Even then it doesn't go into that much detail but still we get more insight with them than any other character. Even liu kang and kung lao don't have as much as the two posterboys of mk. Which sucks)

Shipping aside. It sucks that both subzeros(kuai and bi-han) and scorpion(hanzo) get so grossly misinterpreted by fans. And think that everything is hunky dory peaches and roses. When it really isn't. While neither clan after a certain point is warring or fighting each other. There still is tension. Simply because of years,decades even of the mess left behind. Hanzo has to rebuild from the ground up. And kuai has to repair and restore the lin kuei to what it used to be but better and more equal. And less....robotic. lol. There was still a lot of work. Not to mention if noob became bi-han subzero again,somehow. That would add even more awkward tension(good storytelling tho) because bi-han while maybe he could forgive hanzo,he could never be friends truly. And if you guys ship kuai and hanzo. I dont think kuai would feel comfortable with having his only damn brother he's worked so hard to bring back and rekindle his family with just so he cpuld get some dick. Im sorry,relationships dont work that way. Hanzo and kaui are family oriented,and if one or more of parties involved are not on equal playing field or cares for the other. It's a no go.

What im trying to say is the dynamic is not healthy,long lasting,or even worth it. There is not any good chemistry.

Until bi-han and hanzo in canon make amends. Only then could you MAYBE. JUST MAYBE. Make that work.

But again shipping aside.

Tomas/smoke and kuai liang subzero. Works better. Because they not only like i said are from the same clan,grew up together. Bi-han more likely than not. Would understand tomas and actually be pretty cool with him.

Like I'm just saying people.

If you want kuai liang to be with a pyromancer fire dude so damn bad.

But Thank you for koming to my ted talk.

MAKE A FUCKING OC!

Maybe this is just me tho.

[viilpstick]

Ok I'm feeling sick today so to distract me I might come to your inbox sometimes (I know u must have classes tho so like take ur time to answer these lmao)

What happens when your ocs try the orange peel theory on their partners👁️👁️

Viuna: Vil was so confused? Like... Why? After all, Yuuna don't like oranges 😭 But, he does it anyway.

"Vil-"

Immediately he embraced her figure endearing. They haven't seen each other all day, is most natural for him to do so. Whoever he feels her not doing the same so breaks the hug by pushing Yuuna by her shoulder to see what is in her hands. An simple orange...

"I thought you didn't liked it." Says Vil confusedly.

"Well, you know, I wanted to try it. Since the last time I did I was a kid." She sheepishly smile at him. "But, uhm... Could you peel it for me?"

"You don't know how to do it?" Vil asks and Yuuna shakes her head. He hums. "Well, alright. But, I will teach you how to do it. Follow me, darling." He takes her hand leading her to the kitchen.

Floyce: "Huh??? Why? Can't do it, pea puffer?" She wants to slap him. Of course Grace can do it, but she wants to test him... BUT HE IS SO UNROMANTIC AND SO UNAWARE OF THE THEORY.

"Floyd?"

Grace held the orange and a small bowl. She was unsure of how to make her boyfriend... Her dumbass boyfriend to get the right answer.

"Pea puffer!" He almost jumps on her before noticing the small bowl and the orange in the beastwoman's hands. "Huh? What is it?"

"An orange, I thought you were smarter than-" He puts a finger place in her mouth.

"Why is that here?" He corrects his question, smirking when noticing her cheeks warming up and tail swaying behind herself.

"I- Could you peel it for me?" Asks Grace.

"Why? Can't do it yourself, hm?" He teases her with an raised eyebrow and smug expression.

"Can you or can you not?" She bitterly asks again. "Please." Grace adds at the end.

"Meh. No." He turns away, laying back on her bed.

"Right." She says looking away, I mean, she could at least expect him to be annoying and not understanding that thing anyway.

But then, again, something grabs the bowl and orange.

"Okay." He starts to peel it off in the floor with the bowl between his legs. She hides, but the smile on her face is actually endearing.

Maizul: The first one to ask and who knews about it was the partner, not her. But yeah, Maizie just wanted to eat the orange, meanwhile Azul does it immediatly like "OH OKAY TIME TO PROVE MYSELF TO HER-" nah, she is just hungry and lazy

"Azul, are you busy?" Yes, in fact he is. But is Maizie who asked it so, whatever. She pulls out from her pocket an orange placing in his desk. "Can you peel it for me, pretty please?"

Damnit! Azul never thought she would use metaphors to ask him if he actually loves her. Okay, just peel it for her and everything will be fine.

"Sure, pearl!"

He almost throws himself on the desk to take the orange and peel it for her. He runs to the first place he can find something to cut it, annd done! Maizie takes the orange with a small kiss in his cheek thanking him.

Nailed it, Azul! Pity that she was just hungry...

Malline: Surprisingly who tested the theory, was Malleus not Adeline. The girl, whatsoever was confused- I mean, why tf the heir of briar village is asking her, to peel an orange-? But, who is she to deny it?

"Adeline?" Back to Rosantée, Adeline washes the dishes, unaware that her boyfriend decided to pay her a visit that day. "Good evening, dear." He hugs her from behind gently, making her almost drop the plate.

"Sevens!" She gasps being able to catch it. "Mal! You scared me." She places the last dish back into the sink to wash it.

"My apologies. Just wondering if you could do me an favor?" Malleus asks as Adeline puts turns the water off.

"Sure, what is it?" He pulls out the orange. "I don't get it."

"Can you peel it for me?"

Silence.

"Can't you do it yourself?"

"I can, but, I don't know. I wanted to see how you peel it."

Silence again.

"Uhmm...?" Adeline cleans her hands, putting her hair down. "I mean, okay." She takes the orange from his hand peeling for him...

Yes, Adeline knows about it. She just don't want him to know that she knows the theory. And I mean, it's Adeline.

---

What about yours characters?