#((he said 'trust issues are normal' like. okay. good parenting.))

[spring-lxcked]

@bravevolunteer asked: ❝ see, this is why i have trust issues. (💀) ❞ ( expressing doubt )

"Yes, because I'm. . . certain you believed me when I said. . . I wouldn't move." Instead, he had waited, and then made his way through the darkness in the direction of the office. A chance to catch Michael off guard—one that didn't surprise him when it had failed. After all, they were staring at each other through the glass.

A low, mechanic growl escaped him, although he didn't move down the hall just yet. He tilted his head, one intact ear twitching as some wire was caught and pulled by the movement. "'Trust issues.' Just a ridiculous term for knowing better. . . than to let your guard down." Finally his head snapped to the side, a hiss passing the mouth of the mask. "Now, let me in. Haven't you missed. . . your father?"

[builtbybrokenbells]

Melodic Memories | Track 2: Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton

In a tattered old box shoved deep down in the corner of an overfilled closet, a lifetimes worth of memories lie dormant at the bottom waiting to be rediscovered.

Masterlist

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 17k

Warnings: sadness, heartbreak, crying, high school breakups, unrequited love, estranged parent/strained parental relationships, angst, anger, bickering, name calling, depression, anxiety, self doubt/self consciousness, swearing, flirting, fluff, mentions of hookups/casual sex, sorry if I miss any!

Jake’s POV | Italy, 9:32am

“Come on, Josh. Wake the fuck up.” You muttered, your knuckles beginning to ache from the constant knocking on his door. The one time you needed him, the only time you woke before him was today, when you were stuck facing the most important task of your entire life. “Josh! Let me in!” You shouted, unable to care about disturbing the neighbors sound asleep in the rooms next to him.

Amidst another frantic round of knocking, the door swung open, causing you to stumble forward slightly. Josh stood on the other side, half-dressed with damp hair and a look of clear annoyance on his face. It was apparent he had been awake for a while, and he was actively ignoring your attempts to speak to him. You gave him a half-smile, the expression forced as you tried to upkeep some sense of normalcy despite the anxiety begging to take over.

“Can I help you?” He asked, trying his hardest to stay friendly, even if he wanted to snap.

“Yes, you can.” You nodded, pushing past him and walking into his room without an invitation.

“Come on in, I guess.” Josh raised his hands in exasperation, pushing the door shut as he turned to face you. “It’s not like I have a life, or things to do, or anything like that.”

“Okay, Josh. Can we put the dramatics to the side for a second?” You rolled your eyes. “I need you. This is important.”

As much as you loved your brother, you couldn’t help but get annoyed with his constant need to challenge you and everyone around him. His personality, which was loveable most days, was intolerable at times, but it never usually lasted long. He liked things to happen a certain way, and his strict schedule was key for him to have a good day. If either of those things were disturbed, he could become particularly hard to deal with. Even so, you still needed advice, and he was the only person in the world you trusted with a situation like such.

You could smell the incense lingering in the air, the smoke still hazy in the room under the morning sun pooling from the windows. There was a mat laying on the floor at the foot of his bed, and his trusty handbook to self enlightenment and guided meditations laid atop the mat. You had interrupted his most precious moment of the day, but you were distraught enough to deem your issues more important than his ‘zen’, as he would call it.

He could see the look of desperation in your eyes, the nervous energy surrounding you as you paced the room. Your hands were fidgeting with themselves, occasionally trailing to the hem of your shirt. The crease above your brow was evident, a clear sign of distress, and he too came to terms with the fact that your predicament was more pressing than his morning routine.

“Okay, brother.” He said, grabbing his shirt from the end of the mattress and slipping it over his head. “Just… calm down a little bit, would you? You’re messing up the vibes in here.”

“Oh, would you shove it?” You huffed, pushed your hair from your forehead with your palm, looking towards the ceiling as you tried to gather your racing thoughts. “I don’t care about your fucking vibes, Josh. It smells like the basement of an old church in here, and you look like a fuckin’ idiot.” Normally, the patchouli scent would be a calming experience, reminding you of your brother as soon as it reached your nose and prompting a smile on your face immediately. Now, it just seemed to further irritate your already troubled mind.

“Ouch.” He hummed, crouching down to roll up the yoga mat. “Truth hurts, I guess.” He conceded, understanding that his short fuse was no match for yours when it came down to it. Over the last few years it had only grown worse, and there was only one thing it was accredited to; your burgeoning loneliness and refusal to move on and accept reality.

Six years ago, the world stopped turning. Six years ago, almost to date, you lost the only thing you ever wanted to keep.

Still, after so long and so many different cities, after the plethora of different girls in your bed used to mend a hole in your heart that only ever seemed to grow larger, she was the very thing you thought of when you had a moment to wander. Her face existed behind your eyes when they closed, her laugh plagued your dreams, what once was sweet music now turning into a haunting song that forever followed you, and her memory existed so profoundly that you could feel her fingertips graze your skin and her lips pressed against yours.

The one that got away, or whatever the fuck people said to explain the biggest mistake of your entire life. She was the one thing that forced you out of bed in the morning, the very thing that lulled you to sleep at night, and the reason behind every breath in between. Even after so long, still being amidst radio silence, completely estranged from the reason your heart continued to beat, she was the only person in the world that mattered. You had come to believe that it would always be this way, and you would be stuck hopelessly pining over someone who no longer knew you. You had come to terms with it, accepted it even, despite it still hurting like a bitch.

Until today. Until six hours ago.

Asleep, caught in another dream about the sweetness of her love and the light of her heart, you expected to wake in the morning in agony, just like you did so many times before. You dreaded opening your eyes only to mourn a loss that should have never happened, to face a pain that had no reason to hurt so damn bad, but this morning was different.

You awoke, and instead of being caught in a constant cycle of misery, longing to know if she dreamt of you too, you were faced with the most beautiful shift in the universe. Her name, still ‘sunshine’ in your phone because she was the warmth of a summer day and the joy of a bright afternoon, sat on your notification bar waiting to be noticed. After six years wasted waiting on something you never thought you would see again, it was right there, waiting for you.

Unfortunately, you had thought about it so much that you seemed completely stuck on what to say. Your only dream aside from the one you were already living came to fruition, through no action of your own, and it turned your whole world upside down. You imagined all you would tell her, the things you would confess after having six years to bargain with it. You had questions, you needed answers to things you couldn’t possible stand to learn, but none of it seemed right.

What could you say to ensure you wouldn’t send her running all over again?

That’s where Josh came in, a level head with an (annoyingly) good stress response. The world could be on fire, and he would be by your side to talk you through it, even if it was mostly incoherent rambling that used far too many complicated words. You wondered if he even had an answer to your troubles, or if he would point you in the same direction of his infuriating need to trust the universe. Would he allow himself to snap out of it for a moment and set you straight, or would he force you to rely on your own prerogative, motioning with his hands to frame an abstract picture that relied heavily upon imagination and intuition?

That was a risk you were willing to take, a fear that was so unimportant that it was near obsolete, even if the latter might cause your already short fuse to blow. Josh was the only person you trusted, your twin who knew what you were thinking before you ever said it aloud. He was your best friend, your confidant, and the only person who knew the extent of your love for the woman on the opposite end of the phone. If he couldn’t help, nobody could, and although you had a tendency to brush off his (mostly) unsolicited advice, you were in dire need of it, now. Even if it would not solve the problem, it would at least give you a chance to speak your feelings aloud. From there, maybe you could sort through them.

“What has gotten you in such a twist?” Josh asked, now intrigued by your far-away stare and obvious disarray. “We have a whole day to ourselves, in Italy, Jacob. The country of love, with art and music and literature. There’s so much to see, so much to learn. If this is about the faulty wire in your amp, we can forget about that for today.” He rambled, his arms outstretched as he accentuated his point with his hands. “And if it is because of that, we can forget about that for good. You’ve bitched about it enough.”

A country of love.

How fucking ironic.

“So, tell me brother, what is it?” He sighed, raising an eyebrow at you as he awaited a response. “Unless it’s about the amp, then please don’t. For my sake, keep that to yourself.”

“It’s not about the fucking amp!” You snapped, your hand flying away from your forehead in exasperation. You couldn’t handle listening to him complain about such nonsense when your entire world felt like it was falling apart.

Or, mending back together.

You weren’t sure which it was, but you did know that no matter what it turned out to be, both seemed just as painful.

“Oookay.” Josh nodded, stepping towards the TV stand and leaning against it. He casted a lingering glance in your direction, eager to hear you correct him on the matter. “Are you going to tell me, or just pace around my hotel room?” You gritted your teeth, knowing that to him, the situation didn’t seem that serious at all because you couldn’t find the strength to say it aloud. Instead of verbally responding, you fished out your phone from your pocket, extending your arm as an invitation for him to see it for himself.

He stepped forward, grabbing it from your hand with no further statements. He turned the screen towards himself, tapping it and watching as it came to life. He skipped over the surplus of Instagram notifications, ignoring the text from your tech telling you the amp was back in working condition, and landed on the one thing that seemed out of place.

“I see.” He hummed, almost as surprised as you were at the sight. “Certainly wasn’t expecting that.”

“Yeah, you and me both.” You muttered, running a hand through your hair again. You were consumed with stress, but it was joined by a nagging sense of relief that you hadn’t felt in a long while. Her company came with an otherworldly sense of peace, even if it completely threw you off course and uprooted your entire life.

“What is it with her, Jake?” Josh asked, making a move to hand your phone back to you. “She was my friend, too. I get it, but you’re still so caught up on her six years after she left.”

“What is it?” You echoed his words, appalled that he would even say such a thing. “She’s it, man. She’s everything. I’m ‘caught up’ because even after six years, I haven’t met anyone that compares to her.”

“Right.” Josh gave a little nod, watching as you clutched your phone tightly in his hand. “Is it because she’s really that person for you, or do you think that all of the childhood wonder will wear off once she’s back around?” Your eyebrows furrowed in anger, floored that after all Josh heard you say about her in your whole life, he could denounce your connection to ‘childhood wonder.’

“It feels like the sun is shining, again.” You said, calm as you spoke in hopes of getting your point across clearly. “For six years, it felt dark. I forgot what it felt like to be warm, and I got so used to life being cold that I started to think that it was normal. Then, suddenly, I wake up to her name on my phone, and it’s bright outside. The birds are chirping, the leaves look greener, and the sun is shining.” You said, making sure to add the extra pronunciation to the last few words, just so he understood the extent of your feelings on the matter. “It’s been so long I almost forgot how much I missed it, Josh.” He stayed silent for a moment, an irritating smile on his lips as he processed your confession.

“I know.” He said, agreeing as if he never questioned it at all. “I think you just needed to hear yourself say it out loud.”

You opened your mouth to speak, confused and irritated with Josh’s approach to the situation. You were unsure why he thought you needed to say it aloud to yourself, because it was the only thing you had thought about in the six years you spent apart.

“Listen to yourself,” he urged. “You’re in here, freaking out over something that you dream about every night. She’s still thinking about you, and I’m sure she’s not just saying it for the sake of it. Stop overthinking it. You know her, and you know what to do. If she’s reaching out after this long, I’m sure she feels the same way you do.” Josh didn’t ask the questions because he was on the fence about your love for her, but rather so you would pry into your own heart and find the answer yourself. He knew your fears, your hesitancy and your uncertainty, but more than anything, he knew how much you loved her.

“But what do I say?” You pressed further, unable to break yourself from your relentless thoughts.

“Say hello, Jake. You waited this long to talk to her, so just say hello.” He chuckled, shaking his head at you. “She wants to talk to you, Jake. Not me.”

“I know,” you sighed, finally feeling your rapid heartbeat subside into a normal rhythm. You really didn’t need Josh’s help at all; you’ve always known how to talk to her, what to say to make her smile and what to do to make her laugh. You just needed someone to listen, to tell you your fear was ridiculous, and that’s exactly what he did. “I’m just scared I’ll fuck it up. I lost her once, man, I can’t handle losing her again.”

“You never really lost her, Jake. Life just got in the way. If you lost her, she wouldn’t be here now, texting you to say she misses you.” You swallowed hard, digesting the truth as you looked back down at the message. He was right, and you were being stupid. One of the reasons you loved her so dearly was because the relationship between you was always easy, just like the love that came along with it. You were making things harder for yourself when there was no real need to do it. “Now, go take a shower and clear your head, and text her back. I wouldn’t wait too long, brother.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” You huffed, your eyes squeezing shut as you tried to force the anxiety out of your head. “Thank you.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” He grinned. “Now, get out of here and go get your girl.”

Her POV | Michigan, 3:51am

The silence was deafening, but for the first time in a long time, it was comforting rather than menacing. The mattress below you was inviting, the sheets cool and the scent familiar. Sandalwood, amber, sweet and soft but just enough to notice it before anything else. It was undeniably beautiful, undeniably home. You took a deep breath, wanting to savor the air around you. It was thick with summer heat, the smell of the trees and the grass hanging heavy within it. You felt lighter than ever before, not even the stickiness of the humidity was able to put a damper on your mood. It had been many moons since you found yourself waking in that room with Jake’s cologne clinging to your skin.

You were alone, still a divot in the mattress from where he laid next to you, but he was nowhere in sight. You looked around the room, your eyes darting to every corner in hopes of finding him there, but it became abundantly clear that you were looking in all the wrong places. You climbed out of bed, looking down at the clothes you were wearing, noticing you adorned a pair of sweatpants that were never yours, even though you wore them like they were. The faded t-shirt that hung from your body had faded lettering, the shadow telling you it once was a Jimi Hendrix logo.

The scene was so beautiful, something you’d lived a hundred times, yet it was so different than what it once was. As your feet carried you to the door of his bedroom, the wooden panels of the floor were frigid, shooting daggers of chill through your body with every step you took. You felt like you could see everything in pristine detail, but at the same time, the corners were fuzzy and the long-distance hazy. You reached out to open the door, following the motion but struggling to complete the task.

After a short struggle, you stepped into the hallway, in search of a boy you weren’t sure you would ever find. You were in his house, but it seemed barren, far too empty and much too quiet. It was dark, so unlike the warmth and light it radiated when you visited so many times before. You took small strides down the hallway, noticing it seemed much longer than it should. When you reached the stairs, you began to notice the familiar pictures on the walls. Family photos, pictures of the boy you loved so dearly, but you couldn’t make out the small details. You tried to focus your efforts, to catch a glimpse of the blinding smile and sparkling brown eyes, but it was all lost on you.

In the distance, far away and barely noticeable, you heard an echo of giggles and the soft sounds of music playing through a phone. It was eerily reminiscent of a memory you held so close to your heart, and you felt your feet automatically begin to follow the sound. The stairs were steep, difficult to navigate in the burgeoning darkness, but you persisted despite the struggle. When your feet hit the cool linoleum of the kitchen floor, you peeked your head around the corner, not daring to disturb the bodies inside and desperate to remain hidden.

In the low light, only the moon filtering in through the window, you saw two bodies close together. A lump formed in your throat, a wave of grief washing over you as you noticed Jake’s hands on the girls hips and her arms wrapped around his neck. Who was she, and why was she so close to him? Why was he letting her get so close while you slept so soundly in his bed?

As you continued to inspect the scene, you could hear them whispering to each other, joyus and giddy as they professed their love for each other. You couldn’t make out the words, nor could you see her face, but your stomach was sick and your chest was burning with indignation. The music playing from his phone was unclear, distant and almost recognizable when you focused all of your attention on it, but it was impossible to pry your eyes away from the picture of the two.

The cuffs of the sweatpants on her legs were rolled up, the pants too large to fit her, much like the ones you were wearing in the same moment. Your eyes trailed to her ankle, noticing a braided tri-toned thread knotted around the limb. You blinked hard, trying to get a better look. When she turned to the side ever so slightly, you noticed letter beads hanging from the handmade anklet.

Three beads, too small for you to read, but you knew it all too well.

You fell to your knees, the sickness in your stomach taking over your entire body. The music on the speaker grew louder, pounding in your ears and making it impossible to block it out. You couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t speak, and you couldn’t bear to stand witness to the moment any longer. The love in his eyes was overwhelming, staring down at her like she was the only thing to ever exist. His lips mouthed the words of the song, like he was singing it to her as the two of them swayed in time with the slow beat. It was unmistakable, the anklet on her leg adorning the initials for yours and his first name, a heart stuck between them. The sweatpants were to big on her because they were his, and his clothes had always been too big for you. The song, irritatingly loud cemented the reality in your mind that the woman was no stranger.

She was you, and you couldn’t recognize the scene because you’d never once seen the love in his eyes from a distance. It was so easy to overlook when you were standing close to him, but as you watched him love you, it was unmistakable and hard to ignore how much he truly did.

“I told you I couldn’t dance.” He said, his tone soft as he pulled you closer to him. You were standing at a distance, watching him say the words to you as if you were a third party rather than the woman he was speaking to, but you could hear him like he was next to you, whispering in your ear.

“I think you’re doing a great job, baby.” Your voice was different, softer and higher. There was an airiness in your words, a tone you hadn’t adorned in many years. Love was dripping from your lips, and you didn’t recognize the sound because he was the last person you ever spoke to like such.

“Yeah? You think?” He smirked, pulling away from you ever so slightly. He reached for your hand, holding it tightly in his own as he spun you around. You erupted in a fit of giggles, only worsening as he grabbed you by your waist and pulled you back into him.

“I do, bug.” You promised, watching as one of his hands snaked up your back. Before you could process it, he dipped you down, leaning down with you as he pressed his mouth to yours. For a moment, you feared the two of you would lose your balance and topple over. As you watched, you could practically feel the warmth and safety wash over you despite his hands being on a completely different version of you. You envied yourself in the moment, aching to remember what his lips felt like on your own. Watching it unfold in real time was equal to torture, making you realize just how long it had been since you felt so at peace with the world.

When he pulled away, his lips continued hovering over your own, the tip of his nose brushing against yours. The sound of the music swirled around the two of you, freezing you in a time frame you so badly wanted to revisit. Just when you thought it couldn’t be more precious, the gentle sound of his singing filled your ears.

“I feel wonderful

Because I see the love light in your eyes

And the wonder of it all

Is that you just don’t realize how much I love you.”

He pulled you back upright, your head resting on his shoulder and your eyes closed in bliss. You were crying, not the version of you wrapped up in his arms, but the one facing such torture as you watched it unfold. You wondered how the same person could face such a sharp, double edged sword, reveling in the beauty of his love and aching at the loss of it. If only you knew then how bad it would hurt when you left, you might have been more stingy with your heart.

No, not even then. You would have done it a million times over, faced the pain every time in exchange for a single second of his love. It was worth every second of the hurt, but you feared you might not survive it if it carried on with the same intensity.

“Have I told you that you look wonderful tonight?” He asked, his hand holding the back of your head in fear you might pull away. If he could, he would have lived in the moment for the rest of his life, never needing anything other than you beside him.

Before you could answer, the song was interrupted by the annoying chirp of a text tone. Your attention was pulled away, wondering who dared intrude on such a cherished memory. As you turned to look back, the text tone chimed again, and the sight before you began to fade away. The two bodies became washed out in the darkness, barely noticeable anymore. You bolted forward, your hand outstretched as if you could grab them and pull them back. You wanted to keep watching, to keep reliving the pain and the pleasure all balled into one. Before you could reach them, they were gone completely, and the kitchen began to fade around you as the phone continued to ring. Tears were falling from your eyes, an agonizing pain taking hold as you lost sight of the moment for the second time in your life.

You woke with a start, your throat dry and your head aching. You made a move to brush the hair from your face, noticing your cheeks were damp with tears. You had been crying in real time, an automatic response to the visuals in your dreams. You let out a long breath, trying to straighten your thoughts out as you looked to your best friend, fast asleep beside you and completely unbothered. Then, a text tone filled the hair, making you jump in surprise. The sound in the dream must have been your phone going off next to you, you deducted. You picked up your phone, unplugging it from the charger and turning on your side so you could read the notification that disrupted your sleep.

You blinked hard, squinting at the bright light as it hurt your eyes. Sleepiness still plagued your vision, making it difficult to interpret the words despite the screen being inches away from your face. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the blurriness lessened and allowed for you to read what it said.

Your stomach dropped, your mind racing immediately upon noticing who the text was from, and in an instant you were wide awake. Careful not to disturb Mel, you sat upright, the blankets still covering your legs as they fell from your chest. There was no way in the world that he actually replied, and for a moment, you thought it was your mind playing tricks on you after waking up from such a tragic dream. When you continued to stare and the words before you remained the same, a flutter of excitement took hold.

Jake ❤️ - 3:57am

Hey, stranger :)

You let out a long breath, calming your racing heart as you wondered where to go from there. You weren’t even expecting the text to go through, let alone for him to respond. At the very most, you thought someone else would reply, sorrowly informing you that Jake no longer had the number. You had no idea how to respond, no idea where to go from there. You had waited so long to see his name grace your screen, desperately wanting to talk to him but knowing you should stay away. You were terrified of disrupting his life, intruding on something he’d worked so hard to build. You didn’t want to bring back any pain for him, or stand in the way of anything good beginning to blossom. After so long, you didn’t want to hurt him any more than you already had.

Now that he responded, eagerly greeting you and your melancholic message, you wondered if Mel was right and he’d been waiting to hear from you all this time, scared of all the same things.

You pulled your legs towards you, sitting cross legged as you found yourself stuck in that train of thought. As you did so, Ozz, who had been sleeping soundly by your feet, let out a small ‘mrph’, letting you know he was discontent with your sudden movement. You wondered if you should wake the girl sleeping soundly beside you to consult her for advice, but you decided against it. You hadn’t even told her you messaged him yet, and you couldn’t face her wrath so early in the morning, knowing her emotions would be amplified tenfold from being woken up mid-slumber.

Jake ❤️ - 3:59am

Thinking of me, eh? After all this time?

Your lips upturned into a small smile as the second message came through, the words so in character for him. You could practically hear the tone of voice he would have said it in. Your anxiety seemed to flee you as you clicked onto his contact, opening up the text thread.

You - 4:00am

Guess some things never change.

You watched as the delivered notification changed to read, signifying he was sitting in the chat, waiting for your response. The grey bubble popped up, three dots letting you know he was amidst a reply, and you felt the same giddiness as you did at fifteen, texting him for the very first time.

Jake ❤️ - 4:01am

Could have fooled me. Thought you forgot all about me.

You - 4:01am

Never, Jake.

You - 4:02am

Just because I never reached out, doesn’t mean I stopped thinking of you.

Jake ❤️ - 4:03an

I know, sweetheart. Guess it just never got any easier.

At that, you were certain your heart broke in two. He really had been thinking of you all this time, hurting just the same. He was the same Jake, just older and a little wiser, the same as you were. No matter how many numbers decorated your age, neither of you ever stopped caring.

Jake ❤️ - 4:05am

Can I call you? So much I want to catch up on.

You froze, unsure if you should say yes. You wanted to hear his voice, to learn everything you missed out on while you forced yourself away. You wanted to see his smiling face, to know what he looked like after all of this time. You looked to Mel, not wanting to disturb her while she slept, but knowing you couldn’t leave him hanging. You’d done it one too many times, breaking your own heart every time you pushed him away. It felt like fate, finding that box buried underneath so many different things from your childhood. It felt like fate that he still had the same number, and that he responded to the unsolicited message you sent in a moment of weakness.

You - 4:08am

Yes, please. Just give me a second.

You slid out of bed as carefully as you could, sneaking off to the hallway with your phone clutched tightly in your hand. You rounded the corner into the bathroom, flipping the light on as you sat your phone on the counter. You brushed your teeth and washed your face, quickly combing through the mess of tangled hair atop your head. When you looked presentable and felt awake, you flicked off the light and walked downstairs. Staying quiet so not to disturb anyone else, you walked to the couch in the living room and flipped on the lamp beside it. You curled up under the blanket still laying in a pile on one of the cushions, the hum of the air conditioner sending a chill through you.

When you situated yourself, you unlocked your phone and clicked on his contact. For a moment, your finger hovered over the FaceTime button, an abundance of anxiety plaguing you as you realized this was it. This was the moment you dreamed of so many times before, and it was finally a reality. You spent years aching to hear his voice again, to see his smile and that familiar sparkle in his eye. You wondered why it was so hard to follow through, to accept the reality with open arms. You needed it, but it was a million times more difficult than you ever thought it would be.

What if he got on the call and told you that he had a girlfriend, or worse yet, he was married? What if the call didn’t mean the same to him as it did to you, and you were a fool for thinking it did? What if, worst of all, he was in search of closure and you were in search of rekindling? You couldn’t hear the thought of letting him go now, especially after feeling the high of seeing his face again. You couldn’t bear the idea of letting him go, and you didn’t even have him yet.

“Stop it, Y/N.” you scolded, shaking yourself out of the thought. You were being ridiculous, thinking too far into the simple interaction. There was no way Jake would entertain a late night phone call with you if there was someone else sleeping in his bed; he’d never been that kind of person, and he never would be. He wouldn’t ask to call if he didn’t really want to talk to you, and he wouldn’t have responded if you didn’t still take up space in his brain.

You had to live in the moment, rather than the past, and more importantly, the future your anxious thoughts were creating with zero proof of anything. You needed to talk to him, just so you could ease your mind and put the overwhelming thoughts to rest. It was Jake, and he’d always been your light in the dark, and your rationale when things got crazy. You’d never been afraid to talk to him before, and you needn’t be so afraid now, even if it had been an agonizingly long time.

You swallowed your fear and clicked on the video icon, the screen immediately changing to the FaceTime dial screen. The low ringing sounded in your ears, but you didn’t have much time to regret your decision. Within seconds, he had accepted the call and your screen was connecting to his phone. After what seemed like an eternity, the full view appeared, and it felt like you had been punched in the stomach. Your heart stopped momentarily, and your eyes welled with tears just at the sight of him.

He was just as beautiful as you remembered, if not more so, now. He’d grown into an adult, his cheeks filled out and his eyes decorated with small wrinkles as he smiled. His upper lip had a mustache growing in, sending a shiver down your spine as you came to terms with how good he looked with it. The brown of his irises still knocked the air from your lungs, and the pinkness of his lips sent your stomach twisting with emotion. He was dressed, a button up long sleeved shirt from what you could tell, the top slightly undone so you could see a flash of his chest. There was a pendant hanging from a chain around his neck, drawing your attention to the tanned skin below it.

Worst of all, his hair was still slightly damp, like he’d showered not long before he messaged you, and it was long. It hung well past his shoulders, just like he always wanted it to, just like you always imagined it would.

“Hi, sunshine.” His voice was quiet, soft as he seemed to be admiring the sight before him the same as yourself. You couldn’t help but notice the difference in his tone, his voice deeper and a little more gravelly than it was before. He was a man, grown up and so different from the boy you knew in high school, but he was the same. You spent so long fearful that if you did run into him again, you wouldn’t recognize him at all, but he was the very same person you fell in love with so long ago, just a little older now.

“Hi, Jake.” You breathed, your cheeks rosy just from his beauty alone. The nickname on his lips sounded right, so perfect and something you’d longed to hear for years. The corners of his lips upturned into a smile, as if you’d granted him the greatest gift just by saying his name. “You look so different… So good.” You corrected yourself, biting down on the inside of your lip. “Your hair.”

“You like it?” He asked, turning his head slightly so you could get a better view. A blinding smile lit up his face, making the scene all the more precious. “Always told you I’d do it, someday.”

“I love it.” You whispered, your eyes soft and your face encased in a smile that matched his own. “I always hoped you’d actually do it. I knew it would suit you.”

“You look beautiful, sunshine.” He said, his eyes refocusing on the screen as he studied your face. “Just the same as you did all those years ago.” Your heart fluttered at the compliment, your rosy cheeks turning crimson in an instant.

“Thank you,” you squeaked, overcome with excitement as you truly grasped the situation. Your eyes floated around the screen, trying your best to place his location. Your eyebrows furrowed as you realized he wasn’t sitting underneath artificial light, and the glow of his face was because of natural sunlight flowing in through the windows. “Is it… is it daytime, where you are?” You asked, only slightly confused as you awaited his answer. You didn’t think about how much six years could change, and you understood that he could be anywhere in the world, now.

“Yeah,” he nodded, his head turning towards the window. “Oh, fuck, sweetheart. I was so excited to hear from you, I didn’t even think of the time difference.” He exclaimed, looking back to you with a hint of panic written on his face. “It’s gotta be late at home. Did I wake you up?”

“Don’t apologize, please.” You shook your head. “It is late, but it’s okay. I’m so happy to talk to you that I don’t even care.” You explained further, hoping to squash any bit of guilt he had over the fact. “So if it’s daytime, where are you? I think that’s the better question.” You grinned, already moved on from the question of being woken up.

“Me?” He chuckled, finding your intrigue a bit surprising. “I’m in Italy, right now.”

“Italy!” You exclaimed, keeping your voice hushed so you did not wake anyone else. “Jacob, what the hell are you doing in Italy?” He let out a loud, booming laugh at your response, his glee contagious even through the screen. You felt a warmth overtake your entire body, wondering what you could say to get him to laugh like that again.

“Italy today, but we’re not doing a whole lot right now, just seeing some sights before we get back to it. We were in Brazil, and Mexico, France, and Sweden, too.” He listed off, purposefully neglecting to answer the biggest question to build the suspense. “Then, we’re headed off to Germany and Ireland, then to the UK for a few days, then home.” He continued, an irritating little smile on his face as he continued to leave you hanging.

“Okay, and? Brag much?” You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you downplayed your curiosity and covered it with sarcasm. He let out another laugh, the sound strikingly beautiful as it settled deep in your bones. “Seriously, Mr. World Traveler, what are you doing? And who is ‘we’?” You wanted to hear it all, but you couldn’t deny you were dreading the answer to your second question. You didn’t want to know if it was a significant other, especially now that you were face to face with the feelings that still existed for him.

You could see a flash of hurt in his eyes as you asked, like he was devastated that you didn’t know anything about him anymore. He didn’t know if you kept up with his life, watching his dreams unfold in real time despite the distance, but he wanted you to. He didn’t want to live a life you didn’t have any part in, even if it wasn’t as active as he dreamed it would be. He wanted you to know him, to check in on him like he still did with you from time to time, but he couldn’t blame you. He knew firsthand just how badly it hurt to see you live your life through a screen.

“I did it, sunshine.” He said, answering every question with one, simple phrase. At the sound of his words, you were overtaken by a mixture of grief and pride, unable to properly express how fantastic you felt upon learning the truth.

“Jake,” you breathed, feeling your bottom lip quiver with an abundance of emotion you couldn’t hold back. “You did it?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, a small smile on his face. The sadness in your tone killed him, but it was the exact one that he was feeling, so he did not feel right scolding you for something when he succumbed to the same feeling.

“I’m so sorry.” You took in a sharp breath, fighting back the tears begging to fall. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Jake. I always knew you could do it. I’m so proud of you.” Your chest was tight, your head already aching from previous tears shed. You had no idea how you had anything left to cry, but the sadness was so plentiful that you couldn’t seem to do anything else.

“Don’t cry, beautiful.” He pleaded, not because he didn’t understand, but because he knew it all too well. If you let tears fall, he wouldn’t be far behind you, and he was trying so hard to keep himself together. “You don’t have to be sorry for anything. You’re the whole reason I made it here, sunshine:”

“That’s not true.” You shook your head, swiping away tears before they could fall too far. “You’re the reason you made it, Jake. You worked so hard, all of this time. I don’t deserve credit for any of it. I’m just the girl who left.”

“Is that what you think, Y/N?” He asked, in disbelief of your words. Your silence was telling of the truth, answering his question without any doubt. “You’re not the girl who left, sweetheart. You’re everything.”

The one word struck a nerve in you that you did not know existed.

Everything.

He thought of you the exact same way you thought of him.

You weren’t just his ex-girlfriend, nor a high school sweetheart long forgotten in the mess of his chaotic life. You weren’t a girl who broke his heart, and you weren’t someone he despised. You were someone he loved so utterly and deeply, in the same way you still loved him.

“I waited for six years, hoping I’d wake up to a message from you, even if it was to tell me you’d moved on and you were wishing me well so you could close the door on us. It would have hurt, but I would have been happy as long as you were. You’re not some girl, Y/N. You’re the girl. You’re my sunshine.” At that, your head fell back against the cushion of the couch, tears free flowing as you tried your best to process all that he was saying. “I don’t care if it makes me seem like an idiot, but I waited, because you’ve always been worth it to me. Couldn’t move on unless I knew for sure there was no chance of you coming back.”

“I waited too, Jake.” You confessed. “I wanted to talk to you every night, to tell you everything that’s happened since I last saw you, but I was so scared you hated me.”

“I could never hate you, Y/N.” He promised. “You were my biggest fan, and my biggest inspiration. None of this would have been possible if you hadn’t loved me so much.” He confessed, looking pained as he spoke. Even after so long, he was in agony not being there to wipe the tears from your face. He wondered how many times you found yourself like that, over him with nobody there to help you through it. He wondered if it was as many times as it happened to him.

“I have so much to tell you, Jake. There’s so much I want you to tell me.”

“Whatever you want to know, sunshine. I want to tell you everything.” He said, the same softness in his tone as he used to have with you. He was telling the truth; the love he had for you was still there, only growing worse as time went on and he had nowhere to put it down. “But please don’t disappear on me again. I don’t think I can handle it.”

“No more disappearing.” You promised, finding the thought almost laughable. You could barely find enough strength to walk away from him the first time, let alone a second. “So you made it? Tell me about the band. Tell me how it happened.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, a sheepish smile on his face. “We named it ‘Greta Van Fleet’.” He explained, pausing so he could answer as well as he could. “We made an EP with a couple of songs we finished writing just after high school, and it caught some attention. Before too long, we were signed on with a label and writing a second album. By that point, Sam was graduated and we figured we’d move to Nashville. Seemed like a better fit for us.”

“So Sammy plays with you, too? Does Josh still sing?”

“Yeah, Sam plays bass and keys..” Jake chuckled, nodding along as he spoke. “Josh sings for us, yeah.”

“So… your drummer?” You raised an eyebrow, waiting to hear who they picked.

“Daniel.” Jake grinned, seeing your eyes light up with excitement.

“So you kept the whole family together, huh?”

“That’s kind of our thing, I guess.” He shrugged, downplaying the situation to seem nonchalant about it.

“And you’re on tour now? In Europe!” You gushed, more proud of him than even he could comprehend. “For your second album?”

“Third.” He corrected, only slightly smug about it.

“Holy shit, bug. I’m so proud of you.” The pet name slipped out without thought, his eyes softening as he heard the word. It had been too long since he heard you say it, but he could never forget how it made him feel. Your cheeks turned red at the realization of what you had said, only slightly embarrassed that it seemed so easy to slip back into the old routine. “Sorry. Old habits die hard.”

“No need to apologize.” He gave you a soft smile. “Kinda liked it. Been a while.”

“It has.” You nodded. “So… I guess I have some listening to do.”

“Seems like it.” He chuckled. “Only if you want to.”

“I do.” You assured him. “I really do. I didn’t want to disappear on you, Jake. It killed me, but I had to.”

“Why?” He asked, his voice quiet as sadness encased his face. “Why did you have to?”

“‘Cause at the time, I thought it was right. I thought us breaking up was for the best.” Your lips turned down into a frown. “I loved you so much, and the more I talked to you, the harder it was to convince myself it was for the best.”

“Do you still think it was for the best?” The question hit you with a force you weren’t quite prepared for.

Did you think it was for the best? No, of course not; you barely thought it was for the best back then, and you regretted leaving since the very first night spent away from him. Now, though? He just told you how fantastic his life had been since you walked away, and it had you second guessing everything you’d ever believed. You didn’t want to believe it was for the best, but you couldn’t ignore how far he had come. You wondered if you stayed together, if his life would have ended up the same.

“Yes and no.” You swallowed hard, unsure how to answer correctly. “I was miserable the whole time. I missed you so much, and every day I wished I was still with you. At the same time, if we stayed together, would you have done so well in life? Would I have held you back? If we stayed together, would we still love each other so much, or would it have turned into resentment because we couldn’t never fully be together?” It was his turn to be silent, taking in all you had to offer.

“You never would have held me back.” He said with the utmost of certainty in his tone. “It would have been hard in a different way, but I would have been happy to be with you, no matter how far away you were. I would have done all of this and more, with you there to share it with me.” He shrugged. “I regret letting you leave, sunshine. I think about it every day, and it hurts the same as it did six years ago. Sounds so stupid to be so caught up on a high school ex, but nobody ever compared to you. I never wanted anyone else. Still, after this long, you’re the only person I can think about.”

“Me too, Jake.” You whispered, finding it hard to take your eyes off his face. He was so beautiful, no matter where he was or what he did, and it was impossible not to admire him. “Life changed, and so did I, but I still love you like I did back then. It’s almost scary, because I wonder if the rest of my life will always come back to that one guy from high school.”

“Hey,” his eyebrows furrowed, a small smile blossoming on his lips. “I wasn’t just some guy from high school. Give me more credit than that.”

“You’re right.” You giggled. “You’ve always been more than just some guy.” Silence became the two of you for a moment as you reveled in the beauty of being together once again, even if it wasn’t quite the same.

“So, no boyfriend?” He asked, the same boyish charm surfacing that you’d grown so familiar with.

“Definitely not.” You laughed again, your eyes sparkling with emotion. “No girlfriend?”

“Nope,” he gave a single shake of his head, popping the ‘p’ to accentuate his feelings on the matter.

“What a coincidence.” You smiled, teasing him only slightly. “Too bad you’re all the way in Europe.”

“I won’t be here forever, sunshine.” He said, a little more serious than he was a moment before.

“But you’ll go back to Nashville.” You said, unwilling to get your hopes up.

“Eventually, yeah.” He nodded, agreeing to an extent. “Only if I have nowhere else to go.”

You tried not to read too much into it, forcing yourself to believe he didn’t mean it the way you took it, but his intent was quite clear and incredibly hard to ignore. The door was open and he was waiting on the other side, inviting you to join him. He wanted to rekindle the old flame, just as bad as you wanted to do it, but he wanted to hear it from your mouth first. There was nothing stopping you; hell, you were the one who reached out in the first place. Deep down, you were hoping to hear him say that, but it did not make it any less scary.

In six years, it was abundantly clear the two of you had changed. You weren’t even sure if you were compatible anymore, or if the conversation was going so well because of the residual love still leftover. You would have to get to know him all over again and hope that he still loved the newest version of you. More than anything, you were terrified that you would get hurt all over again. Jake was your biggest heartbreak and the only man you had ever loved.

Then again, he was never the one who broke your heart. You did that, not him. In the time you’d known Jake, all he ever did was love, and respect you. Even after you broke his heart, he still tried to stay friends, to help you through your first days of university so you weren’t completely alone. When you told him it was too much, even though it hurt him, he respected your wishes. Now, six years later, he answered your message at the drop of a dime, even halfway across the world. He put his plans on pause, just to talk to you and see how far you had come. He wanted to tell you all he accomplished; he’d been waiting over half a decade to share it with you, because you were the only one he wanted to share it with.

How could you be so afraid of a man who only ever wanted to love you?

Well, you weren’t scared of him. You were afraid of the power he had over you, and all of the love you still had. You were afraid of losing him again, and you were afraid of hurting. In six years, you had never felt as good as you did at that moment. Talking to Jake made the world seem right again, and you were horrified at the prospect of losing it. You barely survived it the first time, functioning only after you forced him out of your mind. Maybe it was too fast to be professing such feelings to him over a FaceTime call at four in the morning, and maybe you had opened yourself up for a whole new world of pain you wouldn’t be able to handle.

Thankfully, you didn’t have to think of a response, because you were nowhere near ready to delve into that subject.

The patter of tiny paws against the floor paired with the jingle of a bell snapped you from your brooding, and within seconds, you were joined on the couch by a cat who was greatly displeased that you left the room without him. He jumped up on the couch, already purring as he stepped onto your stomach and blocked the view of the camera.

“Hi, baby.” You cooed, giving his head a pet in hopes he would ease off on the affection. “Sorry, Jake.” You said, knowing the cat was completely blocking his view of you. He climbed up onto your chest, rubbing his face against yours as if he was dying from a lack of attention.

“You finally got a cat!” Jake exclaimed, completely disregarding your apology as a new train of thought popped in his head. A smile broke out onto your face as you lifted the camera up, giving him a better view of the two of you. When he continued to move towards your face, you slipped your free hand under his front legs, propping him up next to you and turning the camera so he could get a clear picture of the two of you.

Little to your knowledge, Jake took the opportunity to snap a quick screenshot of the moment, his emotion running high and his heart making all of the decisions. He didn’t want to forget a single moment of the sweet reunion. He didn’t want to forget a single moment spent with you.

“I did,” you laughed, turning your head slightly so Ozz had less access to your face as you spoke. You eased your hold on him, letting him meander around freely now that the intruductions had passed. “Or he got us, I guess. Didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.”

“Us?” He asked, curious as to who you were talking about.

“Yeah, my best friend and I.” You clarified.

“God, sunshine, there’s so much I want to ask.” He confessed, chuckling as he watched the cat settle down on your stomach, curling up into a ball.

“Ask away.” You smiled, giving him the same energy he gave you.

“What’s his name?” He started easy, clearly talking about the furry companion taking post on your abdomen.

“Ozz.”

“Like after Ozzy Osbourne?”

“The one and only.” You nodded, smiling slightly. “His full name is The man himself, Blizzard of Ozz: Prince of Fucking Darkness. Ozz is just for short.” As if he understood the pretense of the conversation, he let out a tiny meow at the sound of his name. Jake found himself caught up in another fit of laughter, the name striking him as hilarious and perfectly fitting for you. “We found him in an alleyway by a coffee shop, now the bastard lives like royalty.”

“He does seem pretty… spoiled.” He commented, noticing how content the cat was just to lay on you.

“That’s putting it mildly.” You grinned, scratching behind his ear.

“Your best friend, do you live with them?” He asked, treading carefully. He wasn’t exactly fond of the idea of you living with a guy, even if you did say you were single. He knew it wasn’t his place to be upset over such a thing, but jealousy was a human emotion he was often susceptible to, especially when it came to you.

“Yeah, I do. Her name is Mel. Met her not long after I got to school. We had the same major, and the same intro to lit class, so we clicked pretty fast. Think we moved in together in our second year, and we stayed in the same apartment ‘till school was done.” You explained, keeping it short and simple. You were scared of boring him, but you wanted to tell him every detail of the years he missed, just so it seemed like he never left at all. “She’s great, you’d really like her. She’s the one who encouraged me to reach out, actually.”

“I’ll have to thank her, then.” He gave you a soft smile, seeing his appreciation for the fact. “So you graduated?”

“I did.” A blinding smile took over as you confirmed it. “In April, with honors. I almost gave up a couple times, but I’m so thankful I stuck with it.”

“I’m so proud of you, sunshine. I always knew you’d do fantastic.” Your cheeks turned pink again, almost unsure how to handle such sweet words from him after so long. You were so thankful that the conversation was flowing easily, like there’d never been a period of time where the two of you stopped.

“Thank you. I always wanted to make you proud.” You muttered, almost embarrassed at the thought.

“Are you kidding, angel? I’ve always been proud of you.” He said, leaning a little closer to the screen as he spoke. His face up close was even more stunning, and you found yourself bargaining with the racing of your head.

“You’re so beautiful, Jake.” The words slipped out faster than you could stop them. As soon as they left your lips, you bit down on your tongue, unable to believe you said the thought aloud. You noticed his cheeks turn pink, his whole face illuminated by the warm sunlight flowing in through the windows. Even if you knew you shouldn��t have said it, it didn’t make it any less true.

“You too, sunshine.” A little giggle fell from his lips, like he was bashful about your compliment. You felt your heart ache to be next to him, to hear the laugh in real time. You longed to be with him, but you knew better than that. Things were never this easy, and you were bracing for the inevitable disappointment that always seemed to come. “Tell me more. What are you doing now?”

“Once we graduated, we went to Arizona for a little while. We packed up Mel’s stuff and hauled it back to Michigan. We’re staying with mom for a few weeks so I can pack up my things and apply for some jobs. When we get hired, we’re gonna find a place of our own.” You explained, feeling the sleepiness begin to take hold again. You wanted to fight it for as long as possible, dreading the end of the call and desperate to keep talking to him. “I found an opening at a high school in Ann Arbor that seemed promising, and Mel applied at an elementary school nearby. There was also a position at the University of Michigan as a professor, so I applied there, too. I’m not sure if I’ll get it, but I’ve got my fingers crossed.”

“My girl, the professor.” He muttered to himself, barely realizing the extent of the words that slipped from his lips. Your heart skipped a beat at the sound, the possessive claim potentially misplaced, but feeling like heaven as it washed over you. For a moment, even if it wasn’t truly like that anymore, you wanted to live in the feeling of being his. You neglected to correct him, and he seemed to make no moves to do it himself. “Any one of them would be lucky to have you, sweetheart.”

“Thank you.” You smiled, looking down and away from his burning gaze. “I never thought I’d want to teach at a university, but the older I get, the more appealing it seems.”

“Whatever you choose to do, I know you’ll do great.” He assured you. “So you’re staying with your mom?” You gave a slight nod, fighting a yawn as it clawed at your throat. “How is she doing? And your sister? Does she still play basketball?”

“Yeah, she does.” You grinned. “She’s in university now, too. Got an athletic scholarship and she’s killing it. My mom’s good too, keeping busy like always and happy to have all of us home. I think being alone all of the time gets to her.”

“Yeah, I ran into her a few times after you moved out. She seemed pretty lost without you.” Your chest pained at the thought, but you knew he was right. You and your sister were your mom’s whole world, and when you moved out, she took it hard.

“She never really got back into dating, so she gets pretty lonely here by herself. I think she still talks to your mom on occasion, but she was scared of crossing any boundaries, you know? I told her it was more than alright, but she’s always so worried about everything.” You explained, your voice quiet as you continued to pet Ozz’s head.

“It’s a mom thing. They never stop worrying.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” You giggled. “How’s your parents?”

“Good,” he gave a slow nod, thinking about his response before he spoke. “They miss us a lot. We don’t visit enough, and it makes me feel bad, but life gets so busy.”

“‘Specially for you, rockstar.” Your lips turned up in the corner, finding the nickname perfectly fitting.

“You decided to settle down in Michigan again? I never thought you’d go back.” He switched the subject, trying to hide the blushing of his cheeks at your new pet name. His tone was inquisitive, and full of disbelief. You couldn’t blame him for thinking it, because for your entire life, you had promised you’d never move back.

“Just seemed like the right thing at the time.” You mumbled, unsure of the real reason you wanted to come home. Maybe it was your subconscious forcing you back to Michigan in hopes you would run into him. “Didn’t know where else to go, so I went home. Been here for a few days now, and it’s not so bad. I don’t have any friends here anymore, but that’s okay.”

“You could make friends anywhere, sunshine.” He said, listening intently to every word.

“I found the mixtape, Jake.” You finally confessed the truth behind you reaching out. “I found all of the old stuff, actually.”

“Oh.” He breathed, unsure of how to respond because he wasn’t sure how you felt about it.

“All of the Polaroids, and the love notes. All those flowers I saved, and a shit ton of guitar picks you left here.” A smile pulled at the corners of your mouth as you thought of it. “And the mixtape. I sat down and listened to it last night, for the first time in years.” You paused, feeling your eyes begin to well with tears again. “I can’t believe you did all of that for me, Jake. You were the best boyfriend in the whole world.” The exhaustion was beginning to hit now, and your words were coming out unfiltered. If you waited until the morning to respond, you likely would have kept the thoughts to yourself.

“I wish I did more, Y/N. you deserved the world, and you still do. I keep thinking that if I tried a little harder, we wouldn’t have ended up here.” His words were equal to a stab in the chest. You never wanted him to feel less than good enough, because he was everything to you, still to this day. Nothing he did drove you away, and nothing he could have done would have made you stay.

“I like to think things happened the way they did because they had to, like our story was already written before it started.” You explained, knowing that was the only reasoning that helped you survive the time without him. “We couldn’t have changed the way things played out, so we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over it.”

“You’re right,” he nodded, swallowing back a lump forming in his throat. “But we can always change the future.”

“I think we are, right now.” You whispered, a breath of hope filling your lungs.

“We are.” He agreed, a soft smile taking hold again. “So you listened to the songs again?”

“Yeah,” you chuckled, playing with a frayed thread on the seam of the blanket. “Hence why I sent you that one last night.”

“Right.” He nodded, remembering the message all too well. “I hope I didn’t make the song bad for you again. I only ever wanted to make you happy, to give that memory back to you.”

“No, Jake. F’course you didn’t.” You replied without missing a beat. “Sure, it hurts, but not like it used to. It’s different. It hurts because I was loved, not because I wasn’t.” He sat with the thought for a moment, bargaining with it before he responded.

“I’ve always loved the way you think of things. Like a whole new perspective I’ve never even considered.”

“Things aren’t ever just black and white. There’s a million different reasons for why things happen the way they do, and I think it’s important to consider all of them.” You shrugged, knowing that you’d gone over the million different reasons pertaining to your breakup every day since. “I had a dream tonight, about the Clapton song.” You weren’t sure why you were telling him so much, but you felt like he needed to know, that he needed to hear how cherished those memories were to you.

“I think of you every time I hear it.” He spoke softly, as if he didn’t want the words to scare you away. “Just us, in that kitchen, without a care in the world.”

“We were such romantics.” You giggled, recalling the gentle hold of his hands on your hips as if it were yesterday. Your eyes fluttered closed, allowing yourself to live in the moment again. You could feel the closeness of his face, his warm breath on your skin as his nose brushed yours. His cologne surrounded you, the scent calming and inviting. Slow dancing with him in the kitchen was the only thing that mattered, in that moment and every one that came after.

It was hard, feeling like you wanted to go home whilst you sat at home.

Home was never a building, never the four walls that surrounded you. The house in which you sat in was nothing but a place; cold, dark and empty when he wasn’t beside you. It was a place in which you’d lived the worst days of your life, and one in which you watched your loved ones live theirs. It was a house that your father once lived in, but abandoned in search of a new family with someone better. The house you sat in was not home, not in that moment and not in many others. There were blips in time when that warm feeling came, when you felt welcome and at peace, but it was all due to him.

Jake was the very thing that made home, home, all of those years ago. His love seeped into the walls, touched every surface and item inside, ensuring that the blissfulness would remain long after he left. His laugh, still booming down the hallway and bouncing from the floor to the ceiling despite it being years since he stepped foot inside. Without him, it was just a house.

“I miss you, Jake.” The words echoed through the vacant room, louder each time they passed through your ears. The statement was heavy, weighing you down like concrete. The effect of the notion remained long after silence ensued again, and nothing could break you out of that feeling. You missed him now, and you missed him every day for six years. You missed him the minute you left, and that hole in your heart never seemed to mend. Even when you met new people and tried so hard to fill yourself up with love, it was never enough to replace what you lost when you left him. “I’ve missed you for years. It gets worse every day.”

“I miss you.” He said, knowing it was a grave thought for him, too. “I‘ve spent so long traveling the world, seeing new things and meeting new people, but it doesn’t mean anything without someone to share it with. I want to share it with you, sunshine. No matter if it’s as friends, or as something more. I miss you.”

At that, any semblance of strength shattered, sending your heart along with it. You spent so long trying to convince yourself that he was happy, and that he moved on. You wanted to believe that he found someone who put the stars in his sky, and that you would find that person for yourself, someday. You stayed away because you thought you would only cause him problems, that your presence in his life would be detrimental rather than beneficial, but it wasn’t true. You decided it for him, and he was suffering because of it.

He missed you the same as you missed him, lying awake in bed wondering if you had someone to keep you warm at night. He believed you found someone to replace him, someone who loved you even more desperately and dearly than himself, someone who made you happier than he could. He neglected to reach out in fear it would disrupt your life, that it would cause a problem he didn’t want you to have. Jake suffered, and he suffered just as much as you did. You weren’t being the hero; you were the direct cause of the pain you always wished he would be free of.

“We’re so stupid.” You muttered, feeling your voice crack as you spoke.

“So stupid.” He agreed. “Maybe we can make up for it. Maybe this is our second chance.”

“I want to hear about all of it, Jake. I never wanted to stop hearing about it. I want to see all the pictures, and hear all the stories about you traveling the world, and I want to hear the music you wrote.” You explained, watching his eyes soften as you spoke. It pained you to know he ever thought you wouldn’t want to hear it all. “Seems like I have lots of homework to do.”

“You don’t have to do it all on your own.” He chuckled, shaking his head at your tendency to overwhelm yourself. “Let me show you some pictures now. I have time, if you want to see them.”

“Of course I do.” You stressed the word, nervous that you were beginning to feel the hole in your chest mend back together. You’d grown so comfortable with its presence that you began to forget how painful it was when it formed, and now that it was disappearing, you dreaded it ever returning.

“Okay, hold on.” He grinned, bringing the phone closer to his face for a moment.

As he did, you took a moment to admire the beauty of him as a whole. His completion was soft, his skin smooth and more tan than usual from the summer sun. His hair was dry now, the chestnut locks framing his face perfectly, and the mustache that sat atop his lip prompted an unfamiliar feeling in the pit of your stomach. He was a man now, so different from the boy you loved with all your heart, but even more fantastic. His brown eyes were breathtaking, and you couldn’t help but feel yourself fall for him all over again, in a whole new way.

You never stopped loving Jake, but it had always been the version of him you knew before. Now, you felt the feelings blossoming for the newest, most improved version of him, and you knew you were in too deep. There was not a version of Jake you did not love, and sitting and talking to him now after all the time spent away only proved that even further.

Then, amidst a staring contest with him, the screen changed. He was sharing his photo gallery, eager to share all of the memories he’d made over the last few months with you. Your stomach was overtaken with warmth, joyus that even though you left him, there seemed to be no resentment lingering towards you.

“I’ll just show you some pictures from France, because I don’t want to keep you up all night. I know it’s late there, but I can’t help myself.”

“It’s okay, Jake.” You promised, knowing you’d suffer a million sleepless nights just to listen to him talk about everything and anything, even if it was nothing important.

“Here’s some pictures of the Eiffel Tower. I know we always used to say we’d visit it someday, and when we were there, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I wondered if you ever made it there without me.” Your heart sank despite the sweet sentiments, sad at the prospect of not being there with him and knowing even if you did go on your lonesome, you would have been thinking of the same things. “Not a whole lot to see, really. Here’s a picture of all of us there.” He said, swiping to another one. He zoomed in slightly, allowing you to really see the four of them together.

“Holy shit, Jake.” You breathed, in awe at the sight. “You’re all so grown up. Look at Sammy! He grew his hair out too!” You exclaimed, bringing the phone closer to your face. “Danny, too! They look so different!”

“Yeah, it’s crazy, right? I feel that way every day.” He laughed to himself.

“And you and Josh! It’s so easy to tell you guys apart, now.” You studied the photo for a moment longer. “I mean, not that I ever got confused in high school, but your hair is so long and he changed so much. You’re both so different now.”

“Yeah, we broke free from the twin stereotype a little bit. That’s about the only thing that’s changed, though. He’s still as annoying as ever.”

“Be nice, Jacob.” You teased, remembering the arguments and fights the two used to find themselves in. You never understood how it was so easy for them to bounce back, like the minute it was over it seemed as if nothing ever happened at all.

“To him? Never.” He scoffed, swiping to a new picture. “We went to the Louvre, too. I didn’t get as many pictures as I wanted, but I have a few at least. Maybe I’ll go back someday.”

Maybe you could go with him.

You shook the thought from your head, knowing it was a ridiculous idea and that you shouldn’t be getting your hopes up so soon.

“You used to say my picture would end up in there someday.” A small smile blossomed on your lips, the sweet memory coming back to you in a flash.

“And I still believe it.” He said without missing a beat, almost as if he was thinking the same exact thing. “Nothing in there could compare to you, sweetheart.” Your heart skipped a beat, your lungs forgetting how to breathe for a moment as the compliment took hold. He paused for a second, seemingly focusing on you in the little rectangle in the corner of his screen. “Are you… are you wearing my shirt?” He asked, completely pulled from the moment as his mind begged him to ask. Your gaze fluttered downwards, a look of confusion on your face as you studied the faded logo on the front. There was still a hint of blue vinyl clinging to the chest, cracked and peeling from years of use.

“No?” You said, your eyebrows furrowed together. “This is mine.” You deducted, never recalling a time where the shirt wasn’t in your possession. The Eagles were your favorite band, and the greatest hits album cover that used to decorate the front was your favorite album of all time. For years, you wore it to bed every night, never once thinking anything of it.

It was your shirt.

Right?

“No, it’s not.” He laughed, a sparkle of amusement shining in his eye. “I got that in the ninth grade. For my birthday, from Sam.” He continued, his head cocked to the side. “I always wondered where that went.”

“Jake, this is my shirt!” You argued, flustered that he was so certain it wasn’t. “I’ve worn it to bed almost every night since like, the tenth grade!” As the words left your lips, the realization hit you full force. Your eyes widened and your mouth dropped open in shock, and you took one last look down at the worn black material of the shirt.

“Yeah, since the tenth grade.” He reiterated, another laugh stuck in his throat. “You seriously thought that was your shirt?”

“Yeah, I did.” You squeaked, your cheeks red in embarrassment. “I just wore it for so long, I guess I never thought much of it.”

“Okay, wait.” He said, now more intrigued than before. “You don’t also happen to have an old Gibson shirt? A black one with a big circle logo and a Les Paul?” You swallowed hard, guilt written clear as day across your features. “You’re a thief!” He laughed, clearly unbothered and finding more amusement about it than you did.

“I can’t be a thief if I didn’t know they were yours!” You defended yourself, a smile tugging at your lips, too.

“I don’t think that matters, sweetheart. Been wondering where the hell those went for years!” His smile was blinding, taking over his cheeks and eyes as he solved a mystery you didn’t know existed.

“Okay, well, do you want them back?” You giggled, growing more comfortable with the fact as he continued to joke about it.

No wonder those shirts had always been your favorite.

“No, sunshine. They’re all yours.” He assured you. “Think it would make me the bad guy if I took them back after so long.”

“Not if they’re yours.” You explained, feeling your smile grow wider as you spoke.

“S’okay, love. They look better on you than they ever did on me.” He said, a note of finality in his voice. “What else did you steal from me?”

“I didn’t steal anything!” You huffed, your cheeks rosy as you tried your best to defend your honor. “Can we get back to these pictures, already?”

“Right,” he hummed, smirking at your flustered face. “Sure, let’s get back to the pictures.” He said, bringing his attention back to his photo gallery.

“Thank you.” You snipped, sassiness dripping from your tone. “Rockstar like you could buy a million Eagles shirts. So concerned about this one.” You mumbled to yourself.

“Yeah, because it’s mine!” He argued, his laugh echoing through his hotel room. “A very thoughtful gift from my dear brother, at that.”

“Photos, Jake!” You giggled, pointing at the screen to draw his attention back to the task at hand.

“Fine.” He grumbled, but you could tell he was teasing. “Anyway, we went to the Château de Chambord, a real life fuckin’ castle, sunshine. It was so beautiful, and it had an actual moat.” He swiped through a few pictures, letting you get a good look at each one. You couldn’t help but notice the tugging of your heartstrings as he spoke French, realizing that he really had grown up and learned so much. He was still your Jake, just ever so slightly different.

“Wow,” you breathed, enthralled in the architecture of the building. “That’s so cool, Jake.”

“Right?” He grinned. “We went to visit a few, but we didn’t have as much time as I would have liked. I can’t wait to go back and see all of the stuff I missed out on.”

“There’s lots of time, bug.” You assured him. “I’m sure you’ll find yourself back there, someday.”

“I’ll bring you with me, so you can see it all, too.” He said, his tone ensuring that you knew he was making a promise. Your eyes fluttered closed, your brain already fantasizing about traveling the world with him by your side. A long time ago, it seemed like a far-fetched dream, but now it seemed like it could be a reality. Even if things were different than they used to be, the possibility of living all of the dreams you once had was still alive. “You should see the cathedrals, sunshine. They’re breathtaking. The pictures don’t even do it justice.” He explained, swiping through to more photos.

You watched, in awe of the beauty of the world that you’d never seen before. You were so proud of him, and you were so happy for him. He was living a life he loved, doing the very things he loved, with the people he loved. You once believed Jake would find happiness in another woman, someone lying next to him at night, someone to love him the way you once did. The thought hurt you, but you never once believed that he would not go in search of that to be happy. He was too lovable to avoid love. Instead, he found it in music and travel, and spending time with his brothers. He found it in every city, and every stage under bright lights, playing guitar until his fingers ached and he couldn’t possibly go on. He found happiness in life, rather than a person, like you secretly hoped he would. More importantly, he waited for you as he searched for that happiness.

You listened as he explained each sight, raving about his favorite things about each one. You adored the scenery, but you couldn’t help but feel more excited to see the pictures that he was in, because to you, he was the most beautiful sight of all. The smile on his face, the way the sun kissed his skin, and the long forgotten feeling of home every time you looked his way. Everything about him was breathtaking, and you knew you were long past the point of no return. You were just as enamored with him as you were years ago, and the nagging feeling seemed to persist despite you trying to shove it down. Worst of all, you’d fallen for Jake as he was now, rather than for the reminiscence of the relationship you once had.

Part of you worried that if you ever crossed paths again, you would hate the newest versions of each other. You feared that after so long and so much change, the two of you would lose any common ground you once had and you would simply be strangers passing by. Now, that fear was obsolete, replaced with a brand new, more powerful one; you clicked just as well as you did when you were young and in love, and now you couldn’t possibly force yourself to get over him.

No matter what, even if Jake was never yours again, you knew you would always be his. At eighty years old, stuck in a nursing home, if he was not taking up the physical space beside you, he would be taking up every single spot in your heart and soul.

So, you still loved him, and you were overjoyed to talk to him after so long, but it did not make the hurt any easier. Now, you were face to face with your love for him, with the knowledge he traveled the world for a living and resided in a completely different state. Just like it was all those years ago, the world didn’t seem to want the two of you together. Distance was always your worst enemy, and you felt the same as you did when he helped you pack up your car and saw you off to school. Loving Jake from a distance was worse than torture, and letting him go was excruciating. You did not know how to make it work, but you did not know how to stop loving him.

You reopened a wound you spent so long sewing shut, and now you were bleeding yourself dry for a chance to have him in your life again.

As he was explaining a picture of The Arc de Triomphe, your attention was pulled away from his voice by a text notification flashing at the top of his screen. You hated to be nosy, and you didn’t want to intrude, but the temptation was too much to resist. You read the words as they flashed across the screen, your heart pounding as your mind was taken by fear. You dreaded seeing something you shouldn’t, more specifically from someone he neglected to tell you about, but as you continued to read the text, you understood that all Jake had said to you was the utter truth.

Josh - 12:13pm

How’s it going? Are you still talking to her??

Josh - 12:14pm

I hate to break up the happy reunion, but we’re waiting for you in the lobby

Josh - 12:14pm

Tell her I said hi

He was pushing back plans to talk to you? Jake Kiszka, the boy everyone dreams of having, was neglecting to explore Italy just to catch up with you?

So many thoughts were running through your head, your heart aching at the prospect of him caring about you so much even after so much time had passed. You had pegged him as a man who moved on, one who had forgotten about you and erased your memory from his mind. You forced yourself to believe he didn’t care, and that you were the fool for being so caught up on him. You wanted to believe those things as the truth, in hopes to make it easier for you to forget and move forward, but it only ever seemed to make it hurt worse. Now, you knew why, and it was because he never stopped caring about you, not even for a second. He was a man who loved so deeply and so much, and he continued to love you the same way even when you completely disappeared from his life.

He loved you so much still that he had to talk to his brother about it before he replied to you, your message seemingly turning his world upside down like the mixtape had done to you.

How could you ever force yourself to forget him again? How, after such a sweet conversation that eased the constant ache in your chest, could you walk away and leave this behind again?

“Fuckin’ Josh.” He grumbled, aware that you’d seen the message too. He didn’t seem concerned over the fact you’d read it, but rather that he had to force himself away from you.

“Jake, I didn’t know you had plans. You didn’t have to keep talking to me.” You frowned, saddened that you distracted him from bigger and better things.

“Are you kidding, sunshine? I know I didn’t have to.” He replied, his face back in the camera view as he stopped sharing his screen. “I wanted to talk to you. There’s never a time when I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I just… go and explore. You’re in Italy, Jake. Don’t waste your time on me.”

“Sunshine, you have never been a waste of my time.” He said, his tone firm and his statement final. “Italy has nothing on you.” At that, you felt the need to cry all over again. What had you ever done to deserve someone as perfect as him? What did you ever do to deserve a love so genuine and kind?

“And you’ve never been a waste of my time, Jake. Not even for a second.” You whispered, your tone wavering under the threat of tears. “I wish we did this sooner. I missed you so fucking much.”

“I could tell you every day for the rest of my life, and I’m still certain you would never know how much I missed you, angel.” You squeezed your eyes shut, desperate to avoid crying in front of him again. You knew he had to go, but the thought of silence after hearing the sound of his voice was devastating. You never wanted to let it go, and you never wanted to be away from him again.

“You should go, they’re waiting on you.” You couldn’t bear the thought of being the reason he missed out on anything ever again. You couldn’t be selfish and keep him from such fantastic things, even if the idea of hanging up the phone was gut wrenching. You would suffer in silence if it meant he could be happy, even if it was just for a moment.

“If I go, will you still be here when I get back?” His voice was soft, afraid of something he couldn’t survive a second time. You knew what he meant; you would not be in his hotel room, nor would you see him in person. He was wondering if you would still be present, if you would answer the phone again if he called. He was terrified that if he walked away, you would disappear on him again.

“Yes, bug.” You promised. “Never again. I’ll never leave you again.” And it was the truth; you could not be the one to walk away again, unless he was telling you to. His love was too euphoric to deny, and his company made the world seem right again. You couldn’t imagine shutting him out like you did once before, and you would never let yourself do it again.

“Thank you for calling, sunshine.” He said, the utmost sincerity in his voice. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear your voice.” You did, because you needed to hear his just as bad.

“Thank you for answering.”

“I don’t want to go.” He confessed, his face sad as he thought about hanging up. There was still so much to say, so much to catch up on, so much love to give after holding yourselves back.

“Me, either.” You muttered.

“Can I text you?” He asked, hopeful despite the sadness seeming to plague him.

“Please do.” You breathed, unable to tear your eyes away from his face. You knew it was wrong, and you knew under no circumstances should you say it aloud, but love was dancing on the tip of your tongue. Despite your age and the time between your last encounter, nothing seemed to change for you. You felt just as strongly, and just as deeply for him. “Send me more pictures. Tell Josh I said hi. Tell everyone I said hi.”

“I will, sunshine.” He promised.

“Okay.” You nodded, grief-stricken at the prospect of saying goodbye.

“No goodbyes.” He said, sharply as if he was reading your mind. It was never that deep, but he was thinking the exact same thing. “I’m not saying goodbye to you—I never want to say goodbye to you again.”

“See you soon?” You offered the alternative, much more comfortable with that rather than a goodbye.

“Yeah,” he breathed, giving a single nod. “See you soon, sunshine.”

“Okay.” You squeaked, feeling paralyzed with sadness as you raised your hand to hit the end call button.

“Hey,” he said, holding on to the moment for a second longer. You raised an eyebrow, your heart skipping a beat as you realized he was dreading the end as much as you were.

“Yeah?”

“You look wonderful tonight, sweetheart.” A tiny smile pulled at the corner of his lips. The small little statement sent you to shambles, your stomach plummeting and your heart breaking. “If I was there, I’d slow dance in that kitchen with you all over again.”

“Whenever you want to, Jake. You know where to find me.” You grinned, your cheeks pink in the pale light from the lamp beside you.

“I do, and I will, sunshine.” He hummed. He knew that no matter how many miles separated you or how many years stood between you, he would always find you, and he would love you just the same. “See you soon.”

“See you soon, Jake.” You promised, taking one last look over his face as the call disconnected.

You let out a long sigh, finding yourself frozen in place long after he disappeared from sight. You stared at his contact, already tempted to dial his number again so you could hear his voice. He was just as beautiful as you remembered him, and just as sweet as he was when you were kids. Most of all, he still loved you in the same way you loved him, which was the most comforting and heartbreaking realization of all.

You locked your screen, giving Ozz a small scratch behind the ear as you thought of everything that happened in the last twenty four hours. Your life, although the same, was completely different and in a way that you always dreamed it would be. Even if he wasn’t technically yours again, he was back in your life, and that was the most important thing. You did not know how you survived without his presence, and you knew for a fact you couldn’t do it a second time.

“This is crazy, right?” You asked the sleeping cat on your chest. “I’m crazy. Am I dreaming?” You continued, listening to him purr away, completely unaware of any of the struggle you were facing. You were crazy for many reasons, but right now the most pressing one was because you were talking to a cat who could not possibly respond to your ridiculous questions. “No way Jake still feels the same way. That’s insane. I’m insane for even thinking it.” You rambled to no one other than yourself, mulling over the idea in your mind. Still, even as you tried to denounce it, you felt crazier for trying to prove it wrong. You had never known Jake as anything other than genuine, and after all he said to you on the call, it was hard to believe he wasn’t being truthful.

You let your head fall back against the couch cushion, exhausted but unable to bargain with the idea of sleep. Your mind was completely consumed with thoughts of Jake, reminding you of all of the nights spent lying awake in your dorm bed. It was so easy for him to become the most important thing to you, and so difficult to think of anything other than him. You knew all too well that even if you did drift off to sleep, you would find yourself stuck in a dream about loving him the way you so badly wanted to.

You were so caught up in thought that you didn’t even hear the creak of the floorboards on the stairs, nor the footsteps echoing down the hallway. Only when a body presented itself beside you on the couch were you broken from the mess of memories plaguing you.

“Hey.” The soft voice spoke, familiar and comforting to you as you listened. “What are you doing awake?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah, figured as much when I woke up and you weren’t in bed.” Mel chuckled, relaxing into the couch the same as you were. You could tell she was much less awake than you, sleep still trying to force her eyelids closed as she spoke. “Anything you’d like to talk about?”

You stayed silent for a moment, staring out the large windows of the living room into the front yard. The street lights illuminated the area, working in time with the moon to create a melancholy feeling as you watched the light wind tickle the grass. There was so much you wanted to talk about, but so little time. Even if you did, you feared it wouldn’t ease the ache in your chest. Worst of all, you thought it might make it worse. Still, Mel was your best friend, and she had never let you down before. Most of the time, she helped you make sense of the mess in your head, giving you a little more clarity and helping to carry the burden of your sadness.

“I texted Jake last night.” Your voice broke through the silence of the sleeping house, the words quiet but landing with an impact that shook the foundation.

“Oh,” she said, intrigued at the thought. “Did he answer?”

“Yup.” You gave a bleak nod. “And apparently he’s been waiting six years to hear from me.” She stayed silent for a moment, already knowing how taxing that thought was to you. “Turns out he still feels the same. He feels the same way I do.”

“So there were a few texts.” She deducted.

“Worse.” You scoffed. “He called me. We’ve been on the phone for the last few hours.” You paused, closing your eyes to rid yourself of the guilt hanging over your head. “He’s even prettier than I remember.”

“Do I have permission to stalk his instagram, now?” She asked, easing the tension with humor. You gave a slight chuckle, nodding your head.

“Sure, Mel. He’s still playing music, too. He made it, and I’m so proud of him. He’s in Italy right now, on tour.”

“Holy shit.” Her eyes widened in surprise, pulling her phone from her pocket. “That’s insane.”

“Yeah, truly.” You smiled, but it wasn’t insane to you. You always knew he had what it takes. You always knew he would make it. There were a lot of feelings surrounding your relationship and Jake as a whole, but doubt of him and his talent and his drive was never one of them. The two of you fell into a silence as you watched over her shoulder, typing names into the search bar to find a picture of the man you were so desperately in love with. “Can I… can I tell you about the second song?” You asked, Jake’s last words hanging heavy over you as you recalled the slow dance in the kitchen. Her eyes flickered to you, and you watched as she slowly lowered her phone to her lap.

“Of course, Y/N.” She nodded. “Talk away. I want to hear all about it.”

TAGLIST: @anythingforjtk @highway-tuna @klarxtr @hollyco @thetroublegetssoloud71 @ageofbajabule @dannys-dream @raceb14 @watchingover-hypegirl @starshine-gvf @do-it-jakey-baby @gretavansara @jakesbeloved @woyayaofdreams @jakeyt @kiszkas-canvas

[kookidough]

analysing vance hopper because he lives in my head 24/7 !

tw for like. literally everything the black phone covers!!!!!!

also there's some special effects gore rather far down in the post idk just i feel like i should warn you just in case

okay so before anyones like "but bee!!!! he only had 6 minutes of screen time in a 102 minute long movie!!!!! he was only on screen for 5.8% of the movie!!!!!" and to that i say i Know it was a real tragedy so a lot of this will be built on personal interpretation and subtext and stuff said behind the scenes and whatnot

so firstly i wanna rot about what his childhood/upbringing might've been like..... i havent quite decided on something definitive but i think we can take one look at his character and realise that is glaringly obvious he had a bad childhood, in one interview the actor that plays him (brady hepner) says "the background i had set up for vance is that the reason he was the way he was is his home life was fairly difficult, you know maybe his dad was either not there for him or he wasn't supportive, maybe he was fairly abusive, and so that creates a hair trigger sense of rage in vance" hair trigger meaning his patience is literally as thin as a strand of hair it does Not take a lot for him to snap

there more to it after that which i'll get into soon but yea thats the gist of it it's clear he had absent/neglectful/abusive parents and that would certainly contribute to why he's so angry all the time, maybe acting so explosive was the only way to get his parents' attention, either good or bad, so he just internalised that. obviously rage and anger issues like vance's lead to violence (not in all cases but in his case it does) and i think a neglectful and abusive upbringing would obviously expose him to more violence than a normal childhood would, therefore normalising it and desensitising him to it, whether he's seeing it play out in his own home and/or on television or something like that (because i doubt his parents would be the kind to monitor what content he's viewing)

i feel like he has little control over his life and that only adds to his anger, which in his case leads to a fight when his buttons are pushed too many times. i think he probably takes great pride in being the toughest in town and whatnot and winning fights and being perceived as strong and scary is good to him and helps him regain control/power, something he doesnt have at home. the rest of the quote from the interview i mentioned earlier states "this pinball machine could have been the only thing that he has in his heart that's like, good, like 'holy cow i did this, i set the score,' so when someone comes along and messes it up for him, it takes away the only thing that he has. i think that that's when he switches to a 'now you're gonna pay for that'"

similar to what i said about fighting, the pinball machine and his high score is something he has control over and its an important part of his reputation/image like. hes literally pinball vance ! and the whole thing about that high score being the "only thing he has in his heart that's good" implies that hes. well. pretty shit at everything else, which is pretty much canon if you remember that gwen said vance was held back twice in school. makes me think that while he's not the brightest in school he's certainly street smart

moving onto ermmmmm him getting kidnapped era because im sure youre wondering "well bee if he's so street smart then why did he get kidnapped" so may i raise two theories (this is. literally all i got and its not even concrete, me and my friend gray (@staggersz) tried to figure out how this could even happen and this is the most plausible thing we've got. so shoutout to him real quick he has had to deal with me being unnormal about vance for like a year and a half thanks king couldnt have done all this without my rotting buddy)

so either he got taken by surprise (most likely option) or vance's trust was gained first via getting given quarters at the pinball machine and small talk and shit like that but this is unlikely because i feel like it'd take a loooooong time for someone like vance to trust a some random stranger adult man when he clearly has issues with trusting and respecting people older than him and people with authority (e.g. cops, his parents, or school officials) so yea being taken by surprise would probably be the most realistic option, i always see people on tiktok being like "how did the grabber kidnap vance hes so strong!!!!" dude its a 15 year old boy against like. a 45 year old man who's already claimed two lives its really not gonna be a fair fight here

before i get into the next part i wanna quickly address a theory i absolutely Hate and it is so easily disproven and that is the theory that vance is the grabber's son or is related to him in some other way and i see it Far too often on tiktok and i HATE it. from what ive seen this all stems from his dream sequence where he kicks open the fence to albert's house and, presumably, goes inside after being dropped off by the police after the grab n go fight. idk if some people just straight up didnt realise this but clearly in real life he is going to his Own House??? in the dream it's only albert's house because this is how he chooses to show gwen the house she's trying to find her brother in, the house that he himself was killed in??? i hate the theory i hate it sm

the dream sequence itself is interesting though as the ghosts seem to only be able to conjure up what theyve seen in real life (like how bruce can picture the outside of the house and show that to gwen but the house number is all flipped and not right beause he doesnt know it) so vance being able to picture the house and the number and the gate and every detail would imply that hes seen it before, but im going to explain that away as either he got out once before like with finney's failed escape attempt, or the house is most likely on the route he walks to school or the grab n go or something and he hasnt actually been there prior to being kidnapped

mini rant over now onto being kidnapped i guess, so i used the missing posters to try and estimate a timeline of how long each ghost boy would've been in the basement for (although the missing posters are notoriously unreliable for details such as looks/height/age/etc, the dates seem to all line up). so we know the order is griffin, billy, vance, bruce, robin, finney, right?? if we use the poster date then billy was taken on may 4th, 1976, a month and two days after griffin was taken (april 2nd 1976). vance was taken on september 23rd 1977, almost a full year later (stay with me im going somewhere with this), and after that bruce was taken on july 18th 1978, again almost a full year later

its established in the movie that the grabber stalks his victims before he takes them (canon because we literally see the van watching finney and gwen as they walk home from school early on in the movie) but we dont know how long he does this for since griffin/billy and robin/finney were taken such short distances apart and then the others were taken such long distances apart, also it's possible he could stalk his next victim while the previous one is still alive, etc etc lots of confusing factors, but if i've done the maths right then the absolute maximum time vance could've spent down there is 9 months and 25 days, or 298 days, so erm . let that sink in !

howeverrrr in the movie gwen states that vance went missing "last spring" and september is definitely not in spring, meaning he could've been down there for a year or even longer. an explanation or excuse i could think of for the movie and the missing poster saying different things (other than the missing posters being known for some areas being wildly inaccurate) is that maybe he was taken in spring but wasnt labelled as officially missing until september, when he was properly linked to griffin and billy's similar disappearances and the mysterious grabber? i can imagine it'd be very easy for law enforcement, especially in the 70s, to dismiss someone like vance as a runaway until they get solid evidence that he was taken. idk though thats just my personal excuse / angsty headcanon for the difference in information

not sure what exactly killed him but we do hear from vance himself that "he took his time with me" so it was probably blood loss from a variety of injuries, if we look at him in his ghost scenes we can see his hair is absolutely covered in blood which indicates head injury, he clearly has a broken nose and bruising around his eyes as a result of it, he has these deep cuts on his abdomen area (apologies for the image quality but i believe they're like. sfx pieces you would wear under clothing)

and he also has just like. minor bruising (like the fingerprints on his arm) and other random blood splatters on his face and neck (assuming the blood down his neck comes from wherever he was bleeding on his head) so Yeah overall very unpleasant way to die obviously

okay now the part thats actually in the movie and it only took me 13 paragraphs to get here: vance as a ghost!! first thing i wanna point out is appearance wise i just want to say that when he's a ghost he's missing his choker and that fact Pains me. anyway personality-wise i feel like being violently murdered has, understandably, kicked his rage up to like. the highest level it could possibly go. he's insanely snarky and downright rude to finney on the phone, showing no empathy to the fact that finney is literally in the exact situation he was in

i feel like the whole "this is the nightmare end of your pathetic little life" and "if you knew what you had coming, you'd be fucking terrified" thing is definitely to scare finney on purpose and to get him to do something, vance might as well have just told him he's never going home cuz thats how it came across LMAOO, it is startling though because vance is clearly speaking from experience, that he was literally fucking terrified, and he is warning finney in his own weird way

the thing i think sets vance apart from the other ghosts is that while he does help finney, he does it for a different reason than they do. the other ghosts want finney to escape, to get out, to be free, to live, but personally i dont think vance cares about that. the only thing he wants is for albert shaw to be dead, for someone to seek vengeance, to do what vance couldn't. vance doesn't care if it's bruce or robin or finney or whatever boy could've come after that, he doesnt care as long as that man gets what he deserves after what he put vance through, and i see this through the scene at the end of vance's call where finney thanks him for his help and vance says, and i quote, "helping you? this isn't about you, fuck him! and apologies for being repetitive but to me it just literally proves that to vance, this isnt about finney or his escape, its just about revenge

we dont get to find out what happens to the ghosts once the credits have rolled, and i dont think we quite know enough about tbp's version of ghosts to guess what theyre up to, but i have a few theories :3 maybe theyre no longer bound to those two houses and they can now go anywhere they want in town? or maybe since their shared goal of stopping albert has been achieved, the ghosts can finally pass on to whatever is waiting for them next. i dont think vance would be content to pass on that quickly or easily as anger lingers, but i hope he'd be able to let go of it eventually, and hey we might find out in the sequel. i pray it mentions him cuz i will just die if it doesnt

sometimes, ok thats a lie, frequently i think about an au where he survived or escaped or whatever but ohhhh boy this post is already a train wreck so that au would deserve its own essay of a post :3 if u actually genuinely read this far then Wtf thanks for reading the ramblings of an absolute madman, only pure delusion could get like 20 paragraphs about a guy with 6 minutes screentime but hey thats how i roll, thanks again to my pal gray for letting me rot and thank u to my other pal ana for also enduring all this rot

hope u enjoyed my interpretation of vance hopper im going to crawl in a hole now and probably brainrot some more, thanks again for ur time :3

[the-flowerwolf]

Hogwarts legacy headcanons

While normal people go and socialize I wake up and think about ✨them✨

So there's some headcanons about my favourite Legacy Team (as I call them) for ya folks while I'm writing a really big fic about them. Careful, some of them are sad. And don't mind my poor grammar thanks.

Btw, collages are mine, feel free to use them💙

🐍Sebastian Sallow🐍

First off all, if you turn him in, I don't trust you

Literally a typical Slytherin

A nerd. Just a nerd.

Quidditch? Babe, the only sport for him is dueling

Felt absolutely helpless when his parents died. And that's why he's so protective. He just can't let anyone else die on his watch

Really is a small version of his father and proud of it

Believes that the end justifies the means

Hopeless flirt BUT a gentleman. Wouldn't do anything you don't like

And also most probably believes in true love

A proud bisexual

Everyone think that "he fucks everything that moves" but he's a virgin who "saves himself for the one and only"

As some fan said, he was probably born on 18th September. And it's a canon now.

A great friend but a terrible secret keeper, so for Merlin's sake, don't tell him ANYTHING

Knows how to braid hair into the most complex ways

Pro feminist! Treats women right and knows all important stuff thanks to his sis

🔥Natty Onai🔥

I'm sorry but she's so underrated and for what??

I believe she really respect traditions she were tought as a child

Her favourite holiday must be her birthday. All because it was the only day of the year when her parents forgot about all the dangers and sorrows and they just got together, spending the best time

Most probably will return to the homeland after Hogwarts

Is the only member of the team who play quidditch

(as a keeper ofc)

She's a lesbian idk dudes

A very honest girl who were raised to be a good person

So she just expects the same from others

A very competitive. But not like Imelda. Natty respects fair competition and knows how to honorably recognize a match

Although this does not mean that she will not destroy you to win

Is always cold poor thing

Religious bc I feel like it

Has mommy issues and don't tell me I'm wrong

Will definitely become the best auror one day

🌼Poppy Sweeting🌼

Her favourite holiday is Christmas lemme tell you that

Trust issues

She's trying her best to be gentle with every living being because she saw too much violence already

And that's why she thinks animals are better than people (agree)

She's definitely an INFP and I won't change my mind

Looks like a cinnamon roll but will kill you

A cliché but I feel like she's an excellent cook

Although she would LOVE to find someone to understand her (like us) she's totally okay with being on her own

Is into mind games like chess

But will go to see a quidditch game just to support Natty (and mc if they play)

Is always up to an adventure

Bullies? Girl grew up among killers, you really think she would care about some bullies?

I feel like she has the strongest personality in here. Doesn't matter what happens she will always stand straight while helping others

Is a cat person

Can't cry bc she was not allowed as a child

💚Ominis Gaunt💚

Just an innocent little boy let's be honest

He may look like he can kill you but he's just a cinnamon roll

Jokes about his blindness as a defence mechanism

Had a crush on both Sallow siblings at some point and I can't blame him

Saw a theory on tiktok that his patronus would be albino snake. CANON

Just wants to have a simple quiet life without any drama

Protective of his friends BUT is more protective of his boundaries

Don't mind his blindness he knows EXACTLY how to be a fashion icon

Another cliché: Omi can play piano

And it's the only thing his parents tought him that he loves. Playing helps him to calm down

Is very private, but as soon as he starts to trust you, he will immediately blurt out his life story, dreams, fears etc

Though he can't see an actual game, Omi likes to go on a quidditch game, because of the happy energy around him

Is sick most of the time for some reason. Cold, stomach ache or anything really

Also a nerd. But unlike Sebastian he's a fiction lover. Helps him to escape reality, especially in his family's house

Clingy with everyone he loves bc they make him feel safe

[fruity-cryptid]

Okay so, I forced my boyfriend to watch good omens with me and he decided to write some small headcanons and he was okay with me sharing some soooo yea, I also put some of my own hcs warning season 2 spoilers

Crowley:

Genderfluid / Gay / Any pronouns

Used to smoke a lot to cope but Aziraphale helped him quit, though he started to smoke again after the kiss, he also drinks a lot more to try and cope

Normally doesn't cry but after the events with Aziraphale in season 2 he cries more often and easily

Doberman type of partner

Not a huge fan of Taylor Swift but really likes the reputation album + anti-hero

Wears cropped shirts sometimes

Has bad separation anxiety

Didn't talk about his emotions much until after he met Aziraphale + he mainly talks to Aziraphale about his emotions

Repeatedly listens to The World We Knew by Frank Sinatra and cries

Would often go to spots he and Aziraphale would hang around and just think

Had a slight punk phase in the 90s

Nail biter, especially when anxious

Rants to Nina often about what happened

Wears eyeliner ( my hc)

Hated himself for kissing Aziraphale like how he did since he always wanted their kiss to be perfect but now he ruined it ( my hc)

Secretly loved Aziraphales magician costume (my hc)

The Bentley sometimes gets small yellow bits and he just leaves it (my hc)

Is very jealous of Beelzebub and Gabriel but tries to hide it (my hc)

Sees Muriel as their own child and teaches them about earth (my hc)

Aziraphale:

Agender / Gay / He/They

Huge fan of Taylor Swift, Queen, and The Cardigans

Loves baked goods and is a huge fan of baking shows

Orange cat type of partner

Loves the nickname 'Angel'

He truly loved Crowley back but doesn't' want to admit it due to deep religious trauma

Is a huge people pleaser and was bullied often in heaven

Terrible at making decisions

Eats ice cream when sad

Really regrets leaving Crowley and wants to go back

Most of his decisions made are heavily based on what he thinks Crowley would have wanted hoping somehow Crowley would find out

Very oblivious

Whenever he'd go back to earth and saw black, grey, or red things he would immediately tear up and stare at said object

Hates working in heaven since its too empty ( my hc)

Sometimes gets angels to check in on Crowley (my hc)

His personality becomes much duller in heaven ( my hc)

Hates himself for the fact he didn't kiss Crowley back (my hc)

Beelzebub:

Nonbinary / Pansexual / They/Them, Zi/Zer

Black cat type of partner

Has body dysmorphia

Dresses gender neutral, masc, and fem

Fell for Gabriel almost immediately

Listens to Everyday by Buddy Holly all the time and never gets sick of it

Loves their flies like they were their children

Can't spell for shit

Loves causing drama

Still keeps in touch with Crowley who introduced them to Muriel who quickly grew on them ( Gabriel and Beelzebub become like uncle figures to Muriel since they Crowley is like a parent to them )

Hates hugs except from Gabriel and Muriel ( sometimes )

Eventually tried food and grew a liking towards it, very frequently watched cooking shows ( my hc )

Loves nicknames and comes up with new ones for Gabriel constantly; my sweet, dear, angel, etc (my hc)

Them and Gabriel have a garden together filled with plants that attract flies and just flowers Gabriel finds pretty ( my hc )

Has anger issues ( my hc)

Gabriel:

Trans (FTM) / Gay / He/Him

Loves plushies and owns tons

Also has anger issues but Beelzebub helps him with it

Loves hot coca

Can't be trusted in a kitchen whatsoever so Beelzebub does most of the cooking

Loves cuddling and often clings to Beelzebub

Loves knitted sweaters

He and Beelzebub moved into an apartment on earth

Loves Marvel

His memory is still sometimes slightly foggy and he has trouble remembering things (my hc)

He found out he loves sleeping and takes naps often ( my hc)

Takes Beelzebub on dates often to pubs and cafes ( my hc)

Huge fan of romantics ( my hc)

Goes hot coca tasting with Muriel and Beelzebub sometimes (my hc)

Muriel:

Non Binary / Bisexual / They/Them

Really enjoys Beebadoobee, Mac Demarco, and The Neighborhood

Knits and crochets

Has trauma and is also a people pleaser

Would be shocked if people found them cool

Certain things on earth interest them that most people don't care for

Loves sweet things such as chocolate chip cookies, hot coca, and tea with absurd amounts of honey and sugar

Loves hugs

Was glad to befriend Beelzebub and sees them and like an cool uncle type figure

Becomes close with Nina and Maggie over time and often visits the coffee shop to help out ( my hc )

Somehow meets Eric the disposable demon and forms a quick friendship over how they both feel out of place ( my hc )

Adores the rain ( my hc)

Stargazes with Crowley who tells them about the different constellations (my hc)

Loves ducks like Crowley and goes with him to the park to feed ducks (my hc)

Likes painting Crowley's nails, they painted them yellow one time and it made Crowley cry bc it reminded him of when Aziraphale turned the Bentley yellow (my hc )

Loves learning about different emotions and especially loves the concept of love (my hc)

Eric The Disposable Demon (mainly my headcanons):

Demi-Boy/ Bisexual / They/He

Loves avocado toast

Loves smokey eye makeup looks

Is terrified of Crowley but also looks up to him (my hc)

Finds Muriel very pretty but doesn't feel worthy of being near them sometimes since they're so angelic and hes a demon (my hc)

They like to buy Muriel sweets anytime he visits them (my hc)

Very traumatised and is used to throwing himself towards danger (my hc)

Bonds with Muriel at the same park that Crowley and Aziraphale goes to (my hc)

Asks Crowley for advice sometimes on how to get closer to Muriel (my hc)

Nina:

Female / Lesbian / She/Her

Loves doing latte art

Makes tiktoks sometimes of herself making drinks or doing latte art, mostly to promote the cafe but also for her own enjoyment

Loves 70's and 80's music

Loves ABBA

Her ex partner made her worry over unimportant things constantly

Was sad but relieved when her ex partner broke up with her

Listens to music while cleaning

Black cat type of partner

Watched Stranger Things

Loves halloween and fall

Loves horror movies ( my hc)

Eventually warmed up to Muriel and gives them free food and drinks sometimes since they help around the cafe ( my hc)

Feeds stray cats that live near the cafe (my hc)

Maggie:

Female / Lesbian / She/Her

Loves flowers

Summer is her favourite season

Likes pop music

Golden retriever type partner

Loves sitcoms

Has crocheted stuffies

Has tons of records and plants at home

Goes to the cafe all the time to see Nina

Has a great skin care routine

Loves cats

She taught Crowley about eyeliner and helped him learn to apply it ( my hc)

She loves Muriel and teaches them about different musicians ( my hc)

Really likes Taylor Swift (my hc)

[spiderprincess-suffet]

I way not be able to draw stuff for my au rn but I can make text posts! Sooo

KIDS PROBLEMS - AN AU EXPLANATION

In my au the Mansion acts more as a base of sorts Slender lives in it full time and has rooms for all his proxies but the proxies themselves don’t HAVE to live there and most actually choose not to instead opting to live all over the place Some stay in midrelm some live in normal town’s city’s abandoned houses non abandoned houses some live on the road and in their cars and many more places.

A lot of proxies also come from bad childhoods and are often nicer to the younger proxies because of this, many of the adult proxies find themselves adopting or simply just looking after the kiddie pastas as even tho they could leave them unattended they often know from experience how badly that can fuck a kid up just leaving them to fend for themselves in this sort of environment.

While yes most proxies try to give these kids somewhat decent lives all these characters have issues and these issues like it or not can have an affect on the children they look after.

So heres a post explaining SOME of the aus characters and what their problems are.

Sally: Sally is actually quite confident and okay with her past she used to see what happened as something to be ashamed of like she deserved it and as a result it made her hate her own body constantly covering up never accepting the idea of crushes or anything remotely romantic, but as she got older and after she fell under the care of Kate she began working out those issues accepting that what happened was bad but not her fault, she’s now a lot more confident she’s not afraid to wear more revealing things like tank tops or shorts without feeling ashamed of it, she’s a lot more open about romance and actually goes out of her way to learn about it to make sure she can spot red flags and green flags in relationships and help others from being potentially taken advantage of.

But no matter how hard she tries that fear that worry will never fully go away, she’s only 12 right now and has a long way to go in regards to fully healing, she feels awful for not being able to fully bond with and trust Tim Brian and Toby like Kate seemingly can and she knows they’re good people who don’t want to hurt her, but she’s always going to be worried not just for her sake but also Kate’s, as much as Kate tried to raise her in a loving environment they were living in a very physically unstable one, constantly moving worrying about money and safe places to sleep living in Kate’s car a good portion of the time. And Sally was there for all of it , She doesn’t want Kate to be in any risk anymore and that includes being cautious of her new roommates.

Nina: Nina was only 10 when her life was destroyed over the boy she thought she actually had a chance with, Jeff weather you like it or not is a bad person in this au, tho he didn’t start that way he was raised by very distant and selfish individuals who were more worried about their money and status than their own kids. Because of this Jeff thought Nina being obsessed with him was cool, he liked having a mini me who looked up to him and would do anything he said, so what if you can’t actually stand her and are just manipulating her to keep her around where else is she gonna go she killed her own parents to be here?

So yeah Nina while living with Jeff wasn’t doing so good Jeff was an asshole she was a child Liu just stood back cuz he didn’t wanna be involved and Jane hates her, for a good majority of her life she felt trapped with Jeff it was like walking on eggshells, she thought she’d be happier living like this but she wasn’t and it was only getting worse…until Nurse Ann got involved, Ann had fallen for a similar situation in the past and she knows how dangerous it can be so she ended up with a soft spot for Nina the more she realized her situation, so currently Nina has been taken in by Ann and Dr.Smiley it’s not much Nurse Ann tries to help but she is still a pretty mean person she’s encouraging Nina to be strong and take action against Jeff and not to let herself get hurt anymore but in the process is also making Nina more cold hearted she’s basically learning how to set boundaries with people but in a way that way to aggressive witch with Jeff would he understandable but this isn’t just towards him it’s with everyone.

Lazari: Lazari..is complicated, She finds herself hating herself she wants so badly to be a normal person but at the same time doesn’t feel like one, she hates being a demon and yet she finds comfort in all the demonic stereotypes she was told to hate, she’s lost in an angry confusion she’s both human and demon and angry at both halves of herself, the human side told her that it was a crime she was even born they locked her away and treated her like something to be ashamed of, and the demon half shows no remorse her father was nothing but evil in her eyes even Slenderman the demon that took her in has done such horrible things, she has always clung onto the idea that she could be a good person because she was half human and humans aren’t like demons right. But humans were the ones who gave her those scars on her back humans were the reason she’s now trapped as a Proxy because she knew if she didn’t she’d have nowhere else to go…she didn’t want to but the older she gets and the more she learns about demons the more she starts to decide that maybe she should give into them, embrace the stereotypes and be the demon all those humans had hated for so long, because at the end of the day demons are just animals trying to survive and she’s trying to survive to.

Ben: a lot like Lazari Ben also doesn’t feel human but he tends to show the most sympathy towards people because of this, as far as he’s aware he’s dead and lives on as some sort of tech based ghost and technology doesn’t feel emotions technology isn’t human, and neither is he. So he takes on the pain of his friends as no reason he should be bothered by it right yeah sure he shouldn’t care but they need someone to talk to and he’s the least likely to be bothered by their emotions to the point of it affecting his own emotions because well, he doesn’t have any he’s non human and so he doesn’t have emotions…or at least he keeps trying to convince himself, but the more he listens the more he learns the angrier he gets he hates the people who hurt his friends even if he’ll never admit it even if he’ll never admit that he actually does see them as friends, he cares about people he feels emotions but he doesn’t feel like he SHOULD even if he says that it doesn’t bother him and he doesn’t actually care and that he’s just a weird Ai ghost who can’t feel anything cuz he’s not real won’t change the fact that he was REAL he was a real kid who died he was a real kid who had his life taken away and doesn’t want to accept the fact he’s dead.

Ight that’s all I got so far there are a lotttt of characters and I could go on endlessly about who affects who and why characters act how they do and why so and so is friends with so and so but all this typing is giving me a headache 💀

[goldeneyedgirl]

Hi Lexie! So Hybrid Babyverse: so well written and well built, I love this version of hybrid a lot, mostly because is so unexpected to see Jalice being parents (and GOOD parents). I've been reading a lot of angst lately thanks to flowerslut and babyverse has been like a cozy day in a warm cabin to me (even if you already said it's not exactly a comfy story). So if you have more of this universe I'd love to read. Also, one of the most interesting things about this fic, for me, is how protective and loving Alice is as a mother. If I'd picture her as a momma, I'd do it exactly the way you did, responsible and put together even when the world is ending above her head (and probably a bit too liberal as well). I just want to emphasize how amazing you are doing with the characterization of Alice and Jasper in a universe we don't see much at all.

Aww, anon, thank you so much. At some point I'm going to have to get into the actual plot of the fic, but I have a very good time just writing little slice-of-life scenes that are low stakes. I'm really glad that you are enjoying it because I know the scenario is really out there, but it's just the right level of dramatic to appeal to me. 

And yeah, Alice is super liberal and a teenager, which makes her so much fun to write - she has her convictions, and sometimes she's just trolling everyone for shits and giggles. Some of her nonsense definitely gives Bella a little more confidence not to feel like she has to be as 'perfect' as the Cullens; it's okay to be messy and human. 

Alice does clash with some of the Cullens' more old fashioned and conservative beliefs at times. Jasper and Alice definitely discuss a lot of things privately, but when it comes to a lot of the discourse in the household, Jasper's response is something along the lines of 'I was a Confederate soldier in the 1800s, I trust Alice's judgement in this issue.' Or 'As Alice is the one possessing the uterus, I'm pretty sure her thoughts on the matter of abortion are far more relevant than mine.' 

(I, for one, am fixating on the idea that the one thing that Jasper puts his foot down about is the family wealth during Oliver's upbringing. No luxury cars or designer clothing, no outrageous toys, no luxury prep schools, and Oliver has to get into college on his own merit. Alice, from a foster care background, hates the idea at first but warms up - a kid doesn't need a battery-powered BMW to drive around the house or a private jet to go to Disneyland, they need loving and supportive parents, and a secure home. And the houses they live in are insanely nice places, and Oliver still has nice stuff. Just very much more of a middle-class image, than a 1% image. Oliver getting into a good college with a partial scholarship is one of Jasper's proudest moments.) 

(Is that a dig at the upbringing Renesmee gets? You betcha.) 

I could sit here spewing headcanons for Oliver and Alice and Jasper all day, but here's a scene I wrote for purposes that remain mysterious. Still toying with Alice being angrier at Jasper when he returns, and how their reconciliation looks. 

---

It’s not hard to find Jasper after dark these days. The Brandon house is helpfully tucked away from the road, so no one can see anyone who happens to be sitting on the roof. It takes no effort to join his brother, Emmett landing nearly silently next to him. “Long night? Alice kick you out?” He tries to make it a joke, but he knows that their tentative reunion is a sore spot for Jasper.

“No longer than normal,” Jasper shrugs, ignoring the joke but Emmett knows he’s hit a sore spot.

There’s a book next to Jasper; some heavy thing with the words ‘Child Psychology’ buried in the title, and Emmett nearly feels sorry for Oliver.

“She doing okay?” Jasper hasn’t been home much since they got back. He’s trying to get back into the Brandons’ good graces, and get to know his son. Jasper’s son. Those words are a mind-fuck - of all the Cullens to have an accidental kid, Jasper was bottom of the list; Emmett’s been trying to wrap his mind around the idea for the last few weeks. And counsel Rosalie through a lot of different emotions. 

It’s been a weird summer. 

“Tired, stressed, frustrated…” Jasper recites emotions like a catalogue, and Emmett can hear the frustration of his own in Jasper’s voice. “We’re talking, she knows I’m staying at night. Her fathers aren’t happy, and Cynthia’s still leaning towards violence but it’s something.”

“How’s Oliver?” Emmett can hear the disappointment in Jasper’s voice, and talking about the baby always cheers him up. If nothing else, he’s watching Jasper change. Kind of reminds him of when Jasper joined the family and was so bewildered and curious about how they all seemed to like and trust each other. The rare times that Jasper has been home lately, Oliver is one topic he will freely talk about - his relationship with Alice is almost entirely off-limits, as was whatever the Brandons had said to him. But he would almost always give this small smile and update them on Oliver.

And like clockwork, Jasper looks over and smiles. “He’s finally doing better in his own room. He took a while to settle, but he's sleeping now.”

Ah, the bedroom project. It had started two weeks ago - a freshly decorated bedroom of Oliver’s own in the Brandon house that everyone had heard about in great detail, mostly because Esme had been hanging on every word.

Things were … pleasant but cool between Alice and the rest of the family. There was a guest room ready and waiting for Alice and Oliver if - when - they finally stayed over, but Esme was absolutely bursting to get to work on two personalized rooms - a bedroom for Alice (and Jasper) and a nursery for Ollie. But for now, Esme was living vicariously through Simon and Alice’s nursery decorating and trying to gently encourage Alice to spend more time at the Cullens.

But after the bedroom was finished, it had been a struggle to get Oliver to sleep alone in there; he didn’t seem to want or need twelve hours of sleep at night, had disliked being left on his own, and had made that everyone in the house’s problem. Alice had been very short-tempered for the last two weeks. 

Jasper was perched in between Alice and Oliver’s bedrooms, with the soft glow of a nightlight filtering through the bedroom on the left. It was nearly certain that both windows were unlocked, and that Jasper had probably timed himself getting in and out of both of them, in case of emergency.

“D’you ever wonder…” Emmett begins before stopping. It’s a dumb question, he knows the answer.

“Wonder what?” Jasper pauses for a second; from his crib, Oliver lets out a grizzle and a gurgle, but resumes sleep quickly. 

“…what it would have been like if we’d stayed?”

Jasper lets out a bark of laughter; Emmett can hear the regret. 

“I think about that every day,” Jasper says, rubbing his hand over his face. 

And he does.

He imagines Alice telling him, nervous and afraid and desperate. He pictures her flat stomach curving. Getting to feel their baby kicking, looking at the sonograms. Planning for this bizarre future they had found themselves in. Getting to see and to hold his son within hours of his birth, and not months.

And being there for all the ugly stuff that the Brandons alluded to - Alice being unable to get out of bed, complaining of aches and pains, unending vomiting and fainting and seizures… he wanted to be there, to comfort her, to make sure she wasn’t alone. 

He wanted to be down in that bedroom right now, tucked up beside her with her arm thrown over his chest. Her face pressed against his shoulder. To kiss her cheek and read as she slept. 

He wanted it all so badly. 

Instead, he had this - sitting on the roof, watching over them in silence.

And he deserved it, for leaving her the way he did. She was being more forgiving than he expected, really - he had prepared himself for Alice to tell him to fuck off and never contact her again, when they returned. But for some insane reason, she had been willing to talk, willing to let him know their baby.

He just had to earn the love and trust back. 

“Every fucking day,” he echoes. 

“Sorry man,” Emmett shook his head. “It was a stupid question. But… you missed what, less than a year all up? Ollie’s not even one yet. He’s never going to remember a time without you here, being his dad. Alice will forgive you; she’s always been crazy about you, and she’s hardly going to let you sit on the roof if she was planning on kicking you to the curb. In ten years we’re going to turn around and it’ll be crazy that you and Alice weren’t always together.”

“I hope so.” Jasper looks both much older and so very young in that moment. “I… it was stupid to leave.”

Emmett let out a bark of laughter. “Yeah, I think you made that clear. Edward’s still fixing his CDs.”

A light flicked on in the right window, and both of them could hear movement as Alice climbed out of bed and left the room. She returned a few moments later, the light going out.

“It’s gonna be okay, man. I bet you fifty that you’ll be dancing at your wedding before your kid hits middle school,” Emmett stood up, ready to head home to Rose.

“Middle school?” Jasper half-chuckled, half sounded horrified.

“I said before - and Alice didn’t look impressed when Edward and Bella announced their engagement. I think she’s more of the ‘live-in-sin’ kind of girl, myself,” Emmett shrugged.

“Go home before you wake someone up,” Jasper said, picking up his book. “Alice won’t care much unless you wake up the baby, but Cynthia will cuss you out from the bathroom window.”

[sleepy-vix]

hiiiii i came here to talk about jane spring because i know that you have opinions and i have opinions too! yay!

so. i think that you are so right saying that people who make jane to be a villain are wrong. but i also think that sometimes trying really really hard isn't enough - sometimes it doesn't help. and that isn't the our fault, because sometimes trying is all that we can do. BUT in the same time i feel like my main issues with jane and julio aren't the things that are openly adressed in the books. it's not the things tori accuses them of. it's the fact that tori is so busy with helping charlie. how old is she, 17? she shouldn't be the one taking care of charlie. she shouldn't be the one trying to convince him to eat breakfest. she shouldn't be the one that oliver calls when charlie locks himself in the kitchen. i feel like that's the part that really makes me feel weird about jane and julio. why isn't oliver calling them? why isn't he calling his parents, the people who are supposed to care for charlie, the adults? why is he calling his teenage sister? because if i was in a situation like that i definitely would not be calling my sister.

i think that jane spring is a very well written realistic character and that's what most heartbreaking about her to me.

i think that people who call her abusive are crazy. like have we even read the same books????

anyway. i would love to hear more of your thoughts about her

bye

oooh okay this is a very interesting thing to point out. Thank you for sharing! i love talking about this :)

ok here i go-

Firstly, adressing the fact that Oliver called Tori when Charlie was in danger, i think that it is quite likely that Oliver would have thought of calling his parents first. I don't remember the events of solitaire word by word because i read it a while ago, so do correct me if i'm wrong, but this is what i think:

i think oliver spring trusts and loves his parents. now, i cant say for sure because obviously he doesnt get much screen time, but everytime we do see him (unless he's with charlie or tori) he seems to always be carried by his parents or staying very close to them. also, remember when oliver really wanted a dog but jane spring wouldnt let him? she was so nice about it. even though some people may think that she isnt the best mother to tori and charlie, it is very clear that she is a good mother to oliver.

so, i think it is reasonable to assume that he DID think of calling his parents first. However, they probably didn't pick up (which is not their fault- these things happen. how could they possibly have known?).

Or, another explanation is that he didn't want to bother his parents, because he was still young and he didn't really understand the urgency/weight of what was happening inside that kitchen (although i do acknowledge that he had a hunch that it was bad.)

Btw, I am the oldest child. I have a sister 2 years younger than me and i have another one 8 years younger than me. I think i am quite verified to about the spring sibling dynamics. If my youngest sister called me when i am out and said that she is worried about something weird that my other sister is doing, i wouldn't think that it is a reflection of how trustworthy or reliable my own parents are.

i personally always assumed that it was normal to trust your siblings more than your parents because your siblings are more understanding and also they don't have the power to punish you (is this not the case...?)

Also, about Tori having to constantly ask Charlie to eat and look out for him, that's honestly just an oldest sibling thing, imo. Of course Tori would try to always look out for Charlie, because she is older than him and cares about him and feels responsible for him.

Jane and Julio have to go to work. They may have to leave really early or come home late, and that's not their fault. I think that when they have time, they obviously do look out for charlie (duh because hes their kid lol), but the story mostly shows tori looking out for him because its tori and charlie's story.

Of course that manifested negatively and impacted Tori's mental health, but i wouldn't say that it is Jane or Julio's fault. Even if Jane and Julio spent every hour of the day looking after Charlie, i think Tori still would have worried to death over him.

Oh also, i do agree that Jane and Julio probably should have paid more attention to Tori and her mental health, but that only means that they are flawed parents. i do acknowledge that they are flawed, but then again, all parents are flawed (i know this doesnr make it right, but it does put things into perspective... imo)

i think my greatest irritation at the fandom is when they act like jane and julio played a big part in worsening tori and charlie's mental health 😭

i look forward to your reply! i typed this out on a long bus trip while half listening to my sister tell me a story so it may be a little messy, do correct me if im wrong abt anything

:D

[blockgamepirate]

I have thoughts on the current Chayanne and Tallulah angst

(Under cut because it's probably gonna be long)

Disclaimer: I'm just talking from the point of view of the eggs here, I'm not trying to accuse Wilbur, Missa or Phil (and obviously especially not the streamers) or anything, I'm just not focusing on them

So mostly talking about Tallulah here because tbh Chayanne's side of it is just me going "WAHHHH ;;A;;" because fucking hell that shit is rough. Losing one of your native languages as a bilingual kid is already rough, your absent parent coming home and immediately having a mental breakdown and avoiding you and talking about leaving again is a hundred times worse. There's not much else to say here, it's just a terrible situation. The only good thing about it is that Missa does still genuinely care about Chayanne, even if his own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity are getting in the way of demonstrating that in a way that would assure Chayanne.

But anyway, I definitely get how that must also look like from Tallulah's POV. They've both been waiting for their dads to come back and now Chayanne's finally did and it went terribly, even if it ended sooort of okay (although.... not without issues).

And much of that was about Chayanne changing. And Tallulah has absolutely changed, even if like Phil said she is still the same at her core. She's grown, she's learned to fight, something that Wilbur apparently really didn't want for her (sorry I still haven't actually watched the Wilbur VODs aside from the adoption one ahdjjfkg) she's been through a lot.

And a lot like Chayanne, she's spent most of her life in Phil's care now, and that shows.

So it's more than understandable that she would feel that Phil is just dismissing her anxiety. Sure Phil did lose hope of Missa coming back, but he has so much faith in people he cares about and wants to believe in them. He's paranoid about the Federation and the codes and also just normal everyday dangers, but he has a bit of a blindspot when it comes to his friends and just interpersonal drama. He wasn't ready for Missa's insecurities or how they could affect Chayanne. But it happened.

Phil also does not know how Tallulah and Wilbur's reunion will go (if it ever happens). He's so sure that it'll be great, but he doesn't know that, no matter how much he insists. It could go badly! There could be drama! Even if it's not Wilbur rejecting Tallulah, it could be something Tallulah interprets as rejection or disappointment.

And even if Phil is right and it'll all go perfectly, that doesn't help Tallulah right now, because just telling her that it'll be fine isn't addressing the sources of her anxiety. It just sounds like Phil is in denial or babying her. Which... I mean I wouldn't say that's accurate but it's not entirely inaccurate either. I think his instinct is to reassure Tallulah but it's not what she needs. And his instinct is to trust wholeheartedly in Wilbur but that doesn't help Tallulah either.

(Also, she knows for a fact that Wilbur didn't originally want a kid. She knows that it took a while to convince him to accept her into his life. She was there. She saw the hesitation. All of that was reasonable from Wilbur's POV because it really was correct that he wasn't able to take care of Tallulah the way a father should. He knew it from the start and he was right. But yeah, it's gonna be something that has to cause some insecurity issues for Tallulah.)

She needs Phil to actually address the worst possible scenario, I think. Just entertain for a minute the idea that Wilbur really does abandon Tallulah. What would happen then? Phil would keep looking after her, Phil would still love her. Or if Phil wasn't around anymore, the other islanders would. And if Wilbur did do that to her, she would have every right to be pissed off. It wouldn't be because there was anything wrong with her.

It would be an awful situation, but all the people who cared about her would still be there for her. And she could talk to the other kids who were also abandoned by one of their parents; Ramón, Pomme... am I forgetting anyone? idk. And she could talk to Chayanne too. She would not be alone.

It's not the most uplifting thing to think about, which is why I think it didn't even occur to Phil to even entertain that notion, but I think it would be more reassuring actually? At the very least to let her know that Phil is taking her seriously? And THEN he could tell her that it wasn't gonna happen because Wilbur would never. Idk, that's my hunch anyway.

Also, it's possible that part of this is about Tallulah herself feeling some resentment and anger towards Wilbur, and not knowing what to do about those feelings, because they're not what's expected of her. And this is where Phil's words might have made things worse, because Phil tries to appeal to her dedication to her papi, but what if she feels like her dedication isn't what it should be anymore?

Idk. Those are my thoughts. I'm not gonna call it analysis, I'm not putting enough effort into this to qualify as "analysis".

I'm alsl very sleepy so apologies if there are some weird bits in here

[theinternetisaweboflies]

Irony Poisoning Chapter 4 (Chapter 1)

"Who's there?" Enid squinted against the sudden influx of light from the hallway. She was still only half-awake, but that silhouette was unmistakable. "Wednesday?"

"Yes."

"What are you doing here?"

"You were having a nightmare."

"Oh, my god, I'm sorry. You heard me?"

"I think Uncle Fester heard you down in the dungeons," said Wednesday, sounding almost impressed, "but you don't want to share a bed with him. He still convulses in his sleep."

"Share a- you-"

Wednesday retreated back into the hallway and presumably her room.

She left the door open.

Enid still knocked as she entered Wednesday's room. "Are- Are you sure?"

Wednesday was already lying on her back, arms crossed. Her bed was a single, but she had still managed to turn down exactly half of the covers.

"I would not say something if I did not mean it. Unless I was trying to extract information from a potential killer, and we both know you don't have it in you." After a moment, Wednesday added, "I meant that as an insult."

"I know," said Enid, happily. The bed was so small they couldn't help knocking elbows and hissing at each other's cold feet.

Enid lay on her stomach, arms folded under the pillow. She was normally a stomach-sleeper anyway. It had nothing to do with preserving her new braids.

She turned her head to face Wednesday. "Is the reason you never hug people just because you're afraid of getting visions?"

"No," said Wednesday. "It's because I disapprove of superfluous physical contact."

"But some physical contact is un-superfluous?"

"Not a word."

"Living language."

"Misery."

"Do you ever get visions about me?" asked Enid.

"If I did, would you want to know?"

"No. Yes. No," said Enid. She kicked at Wednesday's feet, which were somehow still cold. Of course they were. "Why is there an octopus painted on your bed?"

"It's a hand-me-up from Pugsley who had a pet octopus named Aristotle," said Wednesday. "As long as we're speaking in non-sequiturs: I couldn't help overhearing your mother mention summer camp during Parents Day at Nevermore. I mean it. I tried. Her voice… carries. Did she take issue with your change of plans?"

"We may have exchanged a few growls."

"I thought she would be pleased that you transformed."

"That's… not the only kind of conversion camp she was threatening to send me to," said Enid, in a voice so small she wished it weren't her own.

Wednesday didn't say anything for a few moments, but Enid was getting better at reading her silences, and this definitely seemed like one of the more homicidal ones.

Enid wasn't worried. Wednesday was a lot of things, but she wasn't a bigot. She hated everyone equally.

"I assume you don't want her dead?" asked Wednesday.

"Not particularly," she answered lightly.

"How do you feel about emancipation? Father has a very good lawyer. Mother made sure of it after what happened with Tully Alford."

"Do I want to know what happened with Tully Alford?" asked Enid.

"Yes, but Uncle Fester tells it best, as long as you keep him on topic. Remember to ask him about Abigail Craven."

"Okay," said Enid, not really understanding but trusting Wednesday enough to file the advice away for future reference.

"You can also talk to me," said Wednesday. "If necessary. I can't promise to respond appropriately, but I can promise to listen. As long as it's not about boy bands."

"My Chemical Romance is not a boy band," said Enid, fully ready to fight Wednesday Addams over something for the first time ever. "Just because they abandoned their spot-color palate for Danger Days does not make their music any less prolific. Also, Gerard Way uses he/they pronouns."

"I stand corrected and humbled," said Wednesday, sounding neither.

“You would love Sweet Revenge.”

“It’s been known to happen.”

“I mean the album,” said Enid. “Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. Your dad has a record player, or a... phonograph, or something, right? Of course he does. I’ll have my cousin overnight me the album. Luke owes me one. You have simply got to listen to it on vinyl.”

"I will take that under advisement."

"I know you will," said Enid, who couldn't help if it came out a little haughty.

Wednesday's face somehow blanched and darkened at the same time. "What else has my mother told you?"

"Oh, nothing…. Just that you might still have… the snood."

"It returned on its own," Wednesday said stiffly. "Like a monkey's paw."

"You wore it at home."

"There was a funeral."

"Sure there was."

"It's not too late, Enid."

Enid laughed, giddy in the knowledge that she was being threatened by someone truly dangerous who would never lay a hand on her.

Unfortunately.

"So you and Ajax are no longer romantically involved?" asked Wednesday, and Enid thought she was fluent in non-sequiturs as a second language, but...

"Wha- Oh, uh, no. We broke up."

"Do I need to get my staple gun?"

"No, no, no! No. I broke up with him. Because- you know- I'm…"

"You can say it," said Wednesday. "You won't get struck by lightning. Well, in this house, you might, but not because you're gay."

"I prefer queer," said Enid, in that stupid small voice again, but Wednesday was right. No lightning.

"Good girl," said Wednesday, and she had to know that would do something to Enid. "Are you ready to go to bed, or do you want to talk about your dream as well? I know it wasn't about your family."

"How?"

"You were calling out my name in your sleep. I'm flattered that you would have a nightmare about me."

"Not that kind of nightmare."

"Buzzkill," said Wednesday.

"It's okay," said Enid, hiding a yawn in her pillow. "I don't think I'll have any more nightmares now that you're here."

"Now you're just being cruel."

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

The Overwhelming Significance of Surprisingly Small Jellybeans

Gunpowder and Watermelon (part one)

Autocorrected Anxiety Attacks and Messy Sexts (part two)

Pachyderms and Pointed Teeth (part three)

Knocked Up Knockouts and Cheesy Puns (part four)

A Little Less Sparkle, A Little More Reality (part five)

Dom x Colson (Yungblud x Machine Gun Kelly)

Warnings: ABO/Omegaverse dynamics (knots, slick, vaguely confusing reproductive explanations), doctor visits, depictions of ultrasounds and exams, PTSD around exams, hinted sexism, hinted human trafficking (a mention of almost being sold by family), more puns, sticky boys, Col being a goof, attempted cunnilingus, sweet moments, playful insults, mpreg 🖤 Rating: mature

I got a little choked up writing this so please keep yourself safe if you have any problems with things mentioned above. It's a very sweet chapter but it still revolves around emotions and fetal doctor visits. If anyone understands issues with that it's me. I write things like this to help me heal. I love you all 🖤

Colson didn't think his hand had ever been squeezed so hard but at the same time nothing had ever felt so good. He knew he might be bruised later but he'd heal fast even if something broke. It was heaven though because his lover was turning to him for comfort. For at least the moment he was a good enough alpha his omega felt safer with him. Of course he couldn't bring attention to any of that though without probably losing it, Dom wasn't any better at admitting fear or need than he was besides maybe sexual. Need, not fear obviously- if his baby momma was scared of something in bed he damn well better say. "Ya know if you put your feet up and give me like two minutes down there I can relax your tense ass." He teased, trying to break a little tension. It was thick enough in the room you could cut it with a fang and the stench of nerves was starting to turn his stomach.

"Ya need two? Weak game bruv." Dom huffed back but his death grip eased. He still didn't move for the stirrups however and Col shrugged, he supposed that wasn't necessary yet but he wasn't opposed to playing a little.

Dom had been right about his friend, he actually had set up multiple appointments for the week so whenever the alpha showed up they had one. Thankfully they'd just been resting when Tom entered the room without knocking to tell them. They'd rushed around to get ready, everyone including Dom fearing if he was given any time to think about it he'd have to be convinced again so that was easiest. The omega just hoped he didn't have too much of his alpha's cum still inside him.

He shifted nervously again, his thighs clenched tight even though he wasn't naked. He'd ranted enough on the way that Colson told the nurse who led them back the boy wouldn't be nude unless they absolutely had to do an internal exam. He could still remember his first appointment at such a place, it was etched into the parts of his mind that carried all his trauma. He'd barely been a teenager at the time but they knew from his birth what he'd present as, that was obvious. He remembered feeling a little sick for a few days and his mum said she was taking him to the doctor. Of course his young mind thought that was normal until he was spread wide with a male beta checking out parts of himself he'd never even explored. He'd been dry since it was before his first heat and the bastard hadn't been gentle. It didn't help that both his parents stayed in the room to hear the 'okay'. He found out a few days later his father, 'uncle', and their mob type friends had set him up to be sold. It wasn't supposed to happen anymore but rich enough men could procure whatever they desired and a male omega was rare enough his family would have been set for life. He'd run away to London the next day and never looked back. He truly never thought he'd be in this position, he didn't think he'd find an alpha he could trust. He didn't even trust most betas so finding Colson was… mental.

"We should steal some of this medical shit and play doctor." He was pulled from his thoughts by his daddy's purr and he was surprised when he could smile. He started to reply when there was a knock on the door and he startled, his body locking up tight when the doc didn't even wait for a 'come in'.

"'Ello, I'm Doctor Ward. Miss Ha-"

"Mister." Dom corrected before she could finish. He understood the confusion but that should have been fixed outside.

"Oh Mister Harrison."

"Alright I guess but Dom. Please? Jus' Dom."

"Dom. Good afternoon Dom and you- Mister- oh my god!"

Colson tried to cover a laugh with a cough while his partner huffed and he leaned over the prone punk to offer his hand. "You can just call me Col. But please, I'm barely here. He's in charge." He wasn't going to let anyone treat him like Dom's alpha, this was the kids rodeo, his stud horse just put on a good show. The doc nodded and collected her professionalism again, focusing back on the important one in the room. She smiled down at him and it seemed genuine but they both knew how some people could be around his kind.

"You know, if the two of you wouldn't mind this would be a wonderful help to the medical community. I don't believe we've had a mated pair in…" She trailed off, her gaze going distant behind her glasses but the boy squeezed him tighter.

"We'll think about it, thanks. Can we just… ya know." He tried not to grumble but it was hard, he just wanted to get his anxious omega home and safe but he needed to know his whole pack was okay first.

"Of course, I apologize. Please think about it though. Dom, do you know about how far along you are?"

"Two months, twenty eight days, and… damn. I'd remember the hours but ya know. Time zones." Kells teased and he grinned when his boyfriend blushed and rolled his eyes.

"Thank you. Well, I hate to say it but it'd be best if we checked internally. I can do an ultrasound through your abdomen but not everything may be as accessible as you'd like yet." She kept her tone gentle but Colson still felt his lip curling up in a snarl.

"Tha's fine. Luv shut the fuck up. I'm good. Jus'... Don't leave?" His voice went soft and Col nodded, kneeling next to the examination table so they could be eye level. "Stay right 'ere."

The woman left the room long enough for him to wiggle free of everything below the waist and he immediately felt a rush of cum escape him to soak in the rough crinkly paper. Kells tried not to crack a smirk but Dom could feel the pride radiating from him. "Bastard you is. Right bastard." His cheeks felt on fire by the time their doctor came back but they never broke eye contact and as soon as he could he was holding onto his daddy again. His baby daddy. Fuck.

He tried to drift while she worked, his pink socked toes curling but his alpha kept him breathing and as relaxed as possible. They were so in their own little world that when a fast steady beat started up they almost jumped, blinking at each other owlishly. "There we go." Ward cooed, moving the screen so they had a visual and for the first time Dominic didn't mind having a bloody alien probe up his core. "Is tha'?" He whispered, absolutely refusing to let his emotions take over. He would not cry. He would not.

"What? Is it what?" Col almost whined, he was too wrapped up in keeping his lover soothed that he was so fucking lost but the fingers on his free hand were tapping out the fluttering beat on the table.

"I fink tha's our baby Cols." Dom whispered, his hold on his lover's hand the only thing keeping him from floating away. It was the first time it felt truly real and the first time he didn't almost hurl at the word. There was a baby and it was his. Bloody hell.

"Fuck. What? Isn't that fast?" Colson's throat felt tight but he absolutely refused to cry. He couldn't, Dom needed him.

"That's normal for a fetal heart. They seem perfectly healthy. Thankfully." She winked at the omega, playfully chiding him for not seeing a doctor sooner. Dom thought she might be alright for them even with the rough start. "As long as you're careful now and keep up with appointments I think everything will be perfectly fine even though you've been living normally I assume?" She was trying to be polite but they all knew what was written on the papers, he didn't exactly live healthy before all this.

"Actually um… not entirely true. Jus' cause I refused to admit it don't mean I kept up me 'abits. Ain't 'ad nuffin to smoke or drink since me test. Swear." He explained nervously and Kells chewed his cheek so he wouldn't grin.

"Perfect!" She beamed at them both and moved the wand until she found the best angle.

Dom stared at the screen and tried to figure out how such a tiny jellybean was changing his life so much but as he listened to that rhythmic noise he couldn't imagine not having it now. She froze the picture for them and pulled everything free, handing him a box of wet wipes before she left quietly. The punk couldn't figure out why her demeanor had shifted until he glanced back at his friend and caught the tear tracks down his cheeks. "Oh."

"Shut the fuck up. You're crying." He wasn't actually but he knew he would later, he couldn't let himself break in public he could feel he was going to be a mess.

"'Elp me clean up and get me 'ome? I fink she can get us a video." He whined low, trying to help by giving the alpha a job. "No playing!" He snapped teasingly just in case the man got an idea while wiping him up. Kells glared but wiped his face on the back of Dom's hand before letting him go to walk around the table. Of course he didn't trust him there but he was just thankful to have a moment where he wasn't being stared at and he took a deep breath. He was starting to calm until he felt something against his hole that definitely wasn't a wet nap. The sound of the rapper gagging had him trying to sit up but he was stuck and so messy. "Twat. It ain't flavored lube ya knothead!" He huffed but he couldn't help giggling through the rest of their time in the office, his tension disappearing on a wave of… happiness? How weird.

Author's Note/Tags: @manicpixiedreamb0y @jaxbreaker @hollywoodxwhore @cole-way-iero28 if anyone else wants tagged let me know! Hope this was good, I just thought it was a cute idea 🖤

[the-feral-gremlin]

laurel lance, kara danvers and oliver queen!!

(From this ask game thingy)

Laurel Lance.

Okay, for this one I chose A Lot’s Gonna Change by Weyes Blood. It reminds me of her after the gambit went down and the whole arc around it (Also it kind of reminds me of her after the undertaking and her becoming the black canary and being a hero but ANYWAYS.)

“If I could go back to a time before now before I ever fell down, when I had the world gently wrapped at my fingers.”

Before the gambit, Laurel had her whole life at her fingertips: college, a semi stable family dynamic, a boyfriend, a whole ass future ahead of her. With one act, her entire life was pulled from underneath her feet.

“And no one good thing could be taken away from me, if I still believe that hearts don’t lie.”

Like I said, her entire life and family was shattered and it just… kept shattering and she was trying desperately to pick up the pieces while her own hands were bleeding. Every couple of years something good would be taken away. It reminds of all the trust issues that she had developed over all the years of hurt and betrayal: her parents, her sister, Oliver (also I want to make it clear that this is not me bashing Sara or Oliver.)

and how long it took for Laurel to trust tommy, to let him in only for him to die and her to sleep with Oliver again.

That’s just some of the lyrics and my interpretation, anyways it’s VERY e-1 laurel coded.

Kara Danvers

For this one I chose ancient dreams in a modern land by MARINA. It reminds me of Kara after landing on earth and becoming supergirl also how even though she grew to call earth her home, she still felt disconnected from it and Argo.

“Our ancestors had to fight to survive, Just so we could have a chance of a life.”

How Kara’s parents (and Clark’s parents) sent her and her cousin away for their safety and how there was (probably) a possibility that it would fail, how Alura knew that her pod was knocked into the phantom zone. How Kara grieved her planet, her parents, her friends, the random people that she ran into.

Basically this scene.

“What's your purpose, why were you put on Earth? You could be lost but you belong to the world.”

How she was told she was sent to earth to protect and guide Clark and when she gets there he doesn’t need her protection anymore. Basically Her purpose to keep going after her entire world died was gone, how she tried so hard to blend in to be normal. How supergirl was always treated like some.. publicity magnet for catco in the earlier seasons and how much Kara hated it.

But that’s just my analysis.

Oliver Queen

For this one, I genuinely couldn’t pick because I have a 4 hour long playlist for him and I love his character so much BUT headless horseman by the microphones. It just fits him so well.

“I got hit hard, I’m on the ground and if you swing again I’ll duck but I wish you the best of luck.”

This applies to Oliver in so many parts in his life, but mostly the island/those five years away. How the hope of returning slowly faded from his eyes but he still kept going, fighting for something he didn’t know anymore.

“I miss my closest friend, And now I cling to the rocks and the wind.”

Oliver going back to the island post-season one. he didn’t know where to put all the grief, for Tommy and for his father (I think Moira confessing to sabotaging the queens gambit unraveled all the unprocessed grief Oliver had shoved down in order to survive.) in a (semi) safe environment so he went back to the place it all happened in hopes that something would push it back down and he wouldn’t have to deal with it.

Again, this is just my analysis/opinion. But yeah, the entire song is literally so Oliver coded.

Anyways, thank for the ask!!

[skeleton-in-a-hoodie]

All the ageswap Hamato kids have a lot of issues, and a good chunk of them started before the Foot clan even arrived in New York.

They've been raised with the Kraang invasion hovering over their heads since they were literal infants. June, Mayday and Yoshi can remember the Triceraton invasion. None of those four (June, Mayday, Yoshi and Shadow) know what it's like to grow up in a world without war, without the fear of being hunted down and killed.

Four of their parents are turtle mutants who were raised in a ninja clan. Said ninja clan no longer exists, the physical buildings burnt to the ground, and the members either defecting to the Foot Clan or being killed. In that attack, Yoshi lost his brother and mother, but was too young to remember it, the turtles lost their sister and other nephew. So on top of the war with the Kraang, these kids know the Foot Clan is hunting for them and has already killed two of their family members.

Several of their families' allies started out as enemies or did something messed up at some point, which has given some of these kids trust issues and others a somewhat warped idea of what is and isn't an okay thing to do to them. Like Saki is going to be taken aback and kinda freaked out by how him attempting to murder them isn't the reason they dislike him, it's the fact he was a dick about it that's the issue.

June and Mayday were both experimented on by the Kraang. Mayday knows she only exists because June didn't contain the DNA the Kraang wanted, so the Kraang mixed the DNA of a lot of different things in with June's to try to create it, and when that didn't work tried to make something that could create it via shapeshiting. Mayday's family love her, but there's always been this feeling that she's nothing more than a pale imitation of June. Something the Hamatos kept because they're good people, but were forced to look after nonetheless.

And June? All her siblings are mutants and/or have some kind of super power. How can she ever measure up to that? She has her tech, everything Donnie has taught her, but what would she be without that? Is she even worth anything without her inventions? Will the things she make ever bridge the gap?

Shadow has a lot of issues with making friends - she doesn't want to be normal, she's happy with who she is, but who she is makes befriending other kids her age hard. And inheriting April's powers + being the baby of the family means that her family are very overprotective of her, which is incredibly frustrating. Her and Yoshi's relationship is also difficult, partly because he's their group's leader and she doesn't like following orders, so will do the exact thing he told her not to do and push his buttons whenever she can. Doesn't help that he acts more like dad number 6 than her older brother. They didn't always butt heads so often, and she really misses when he was just her brother.

Yoshi really took "It doesn't matter that the burden is heavy, it matters that you carry it" to heart. He does everything he can to make sure no one knows he needs help, and adamently refuses to admit that he's struggling. Like what kind of leader would he be if he cracked under pressure? And he's Leo's heir - he needs to prove he's worthy of that title! And when things go wrong, Yoshi blames himself. Doesn't matter what the context was, what other factors were involved, he's going to shoulder all the blame, because at the end of the day he's in charge so whatever goes wrong must be his fault. Which is a terrible combination, and is a large part of why his self-esteem starts to circle the drain after the Falco incident.

[ciaossu-imagines]

Day Two? For Homra Gang and Saru: IF they had a good friend with a bab and became godparent, what kind of godparent would they be? Only there in emergencies? Super doting like a second/third parent? Faking their death to get out of the responsibility of caring for another human person???

Okay, but I absolutely love this idea! I get and see a fair amount of characters as parents but you next to never see the idea of what they would be like as godparents. I loved imaging these and hope the headcanons will do the great idea justice!

I think when approached with the question of whether he’d be the child’s godparent, Mikoto just kind of stared at his friend for a good long while. Like, he’s not going to refuse them but…are they sure he’s really who they want as a godparent? No, seriously, really?? Out of all the potential godparents, do they really want Mikoto? Like I said though, I really don’t see him plain out refusing because, while he’s not the most expressive man, he does see the respect and honor they’re showing to him by appointing him as a godparent and he doubts that he’ll outlive the kid’s parents anyway. I don’t see him being a really hands on godparent. But he does take the responsibility seriously and he would make sure his godchild and their parents were living really good lives and that they were definitely safe. He might occasionally give a gift here or there, something that catches his eye, but he normally just has it delivered instead of hand-delivering it himself because he is the Red King and he does feel that his direct presence in the child’s life could lead to them being in more danger than if he just keeps his distance. He would be there in emergencies, without a second thought, but generally keeps his distance otherwise.

Ana is actually really quite happy to be thought of and asked. She wouldn’t appear it but she would be and I do think she would accept. However, much like Mikoto, I don’t think she’s overly hands on with her godchild at first. She’s never had any experience of being around babies and while she would visit quite often, she’s hesitant to handle the child too much until they get to be a little older. I do think that, while not the most hands on, she does give her godchild the most thought out of everyone and checks up on them fairly regularly and, whenever possible, she would want to spoil them with the same kind of love and gifts that she experienced when HOMRA took her in. However, other than that, I do think she prefers to be more of a ‘cool, aloof aunt’ than a second/third parent.

Totsuka is flattered by the request, and it does make him happy to be thought of. I do think he accepts really quickly, and he really gets into his role as godparent. At first, at least. But Totsuka’s interests come and go in fits, and it is hard for him to really dedicate himself to much, other than HOMRA and Mikoto. I think that, while he’s always kind of available, he’s largely in and out of the child’s life when he feels like it and when it suits him. When’s he’s in the mood to be a godparent, he’s the world’s best godparent, really. He’s so there for the child and will willingly take care of them and babysit to give their parents a break and will dote on them. But then he’s not in the mood anymore and he’s just MIA for months at a time, which can cause some issues for his godchild and make it hard for them to really trust him as a responsible adult figure.

Izumo’s going to refuse his friend’s request. He’ll be so polite about it, so kind that his friends won’t even be able to be offended. He’s kind enough to explain his reasoning, in broad strokes – he’s really not got the time to dedicate to being a good godparent, he’s not great with children, he can’t take on the extra responsibility, his life can be dangerous…by the end of it, his friends will be nodding along and grinning and all ‘you know what, buddy, you’re totally right and thank you for refusing; don’t know what I was thinking!’ However, that’s not to say he won’t leave them with no options whatsoever. If part of the reason that his friends had asked him to be godparents to their child was because they were afraid for the child’s safety either in their daily life or their child’s security if anything were to happen to them, Izumo would be more than happy to assure them that he would make sure that everyone in their family remained safe, to the best of his abilities, and he’d guarantee them that, in a worst case scenario, Izumo would step in and make sure his child was placed in the best possible home they could be.

Kamamoto’s actually pretty open to it and he’s going to be one of the most hands-on godparent. He’ll walk around doing gang shit with that baby strapped to his chest, asleep and happy like it’s no big deal at all. He’ll happily show anyone who even threatens to disturb his godchild’s sleep during those times why he’s a part of HOMRA. I have always felt like Kamamoto actually kind of likes kids and has a soft spot for them. He’s not ready to have the full-time responsibility of actually having children of his own but the chance to be a ’dad’ without the full-time responsibility? It’s too much for him to pass up on and he’ll enjoy every moment of it.

It will really depend on how close to his friend Yata is. He’s a really loyal friend and hates to let his friends down or disappoint them but unless his friend is super close to him, I think that the request to become a godparent will be something that gives Yata a lot of pause and makes him hesitate. He’ll be so flattered either way and he’ll definitely show that but he’s also not ready to accept any responsibility for a child so soon. I do feel like he’d accept only if he was pretty confident in his friend and knew that they were highly unlikely to put themselves in a situation where they might leave the child parentless. If he doesn’t have to actively look after the child and accept responsibility for them, he’s pretty good as a godparent. He’ll put the baby in the carrier and skateboard with them, just up and down the same patch of sidewalk, if they’re really crying because it always helps them quiet down and he will help out here and there, little things like rocking the baby’s bouncer with his foot while he talks to their parents or buying them the coolest toys on their birthday to introducing them to things he thinks all kids should know how to do, like playing classic games together or teaching them to skateboard. However, he does have other things that do take top priority to him and he’s not going to be around every day by any means and can be a little like Totsuka in his in and out method of being a godparent, though not quite to that extent.

Akagi finds it hard to refuse anyone…but the request does fluster him. He’s not even sure if he wants children himself and he’s definitely not sure if he wants to accept potential responsibility for someone else’s child. He’d probably laugh, flash that big grin of his, and make some dumb joke about how he’d corrupt their child and were they sure they wanted that. He’s definitely no angel and he does know that. Would he even make a good godparent? He’d do his best to change the topic to give himself time to think about it. If his friends did repeatedly ask or they made it clear that they really needed his help, Shouhei would accept, with some major qualms. He’s really going to take his friend’s cues on how to go about the whole godparent thing and he’d do his best. He even has a lot of fun sometimes, taking the kid out to the park as they grow up and playing around with him on the playground equipment but it’s never more than an hour or two spent with the kid at a time and he does go extra out of his way to make sure that nothing happens to his friends because…that hour or two can tire this very energetic man out and he’s definitely not looking to assume all the responsibility for his godchild, no matter if he loves the little squirt or not.

Bandou’s honestly got no idea what all it means to be a godparent. He doesn’t really understand the responsibilities it brings because I don’t think he’s really been raised to know about godparents. However, he does know being a godparent is a pretty big deal and that alone has him agreeing before he fully understands everything. To be honest, he definitely kicks himself for hastily agreeing later on at some point. But, because he did agree and because Bandou is a man of his word, he’s going to do everything he can to live up to what is expected of him. He’s not going to be hands on with his godchild if he doesn’t have to be, but he’ll show up and he’ll at least show an interest in them. He’s usually really broke, but he brings gifts for them whenever possible. I see him getting closer to his godchild only when they become older, from about preteen to teenage years and they start getting their own rebellious streak.

Chitose’s shutting that shit down before it even gets fully out of the parent’s mouth. He’s gone, he’s leaving, goodbye Chitose. He doesn’t like kids, doesn’t want kids, doesn’t want that sort of responsibility, no fucking thank you and, unlike some others, he’s probably not going to step up or allow himself to be put in that position no matter what.

Dewa, unlike Chitose, isn’t going to run away at the mere suggestion of becoming a godfather but he would ask his friends for some time to think about the idea. He’s not one to hastily rush into things and he likes to be able to plan. He’d ask the questions, he’d want to know what would be expected of him, how hands on his friends want him to be, what his responsibilities would be in the day-to-day scheme of things and in the worst-case scenario. Until his friends were able to answer those questions, he’d refuse to accept or deny the request. He’d prefer something more hands off. He doesn’t want to babysit; he doesn’t want to have many responsibilities. If he only has to show up every now and again, have some fun, and would only be responsible for the child should the worst-case scenario happen, he’ll happily agree.

Eric has suddenly become deaf and dumb. Like, please please please don’t do that to this boy! He’s secretly a little flattered that someone wants him to do something so serious and he’s glad someone trusts him that much but honestly, just the idea will scare the shit out of him. He has no idea how to deal with children or how to be a godparent or substitute parental figure because he’s never had a healthy parent-child relationship (or much of one at all) and it’s just too much for him. He definitely avoids his friends as much as possible for as long as possible, hoping that they’ll find someone else but, if he was pushed on the subject, he’d definitely get angry and lash out with some harsh words because again, he really doesn’t know how to deal and anger is his go-to whenever he gets that way.

I do think Fujishima accepts the responsibility but mostly because he’s not really sure what being a godparent really even ensues. He just knows that those are his friends and they’re asking him for something and, being the guy he is, he’s not going to let a friend down. He’s pretty good at the whole godparent thing though and I do strongly headcanon him as being pretty great with babies. He’ll help out if specifically asked to do something and he’ll be good at it but at the same time, Fuji has a lazy streak and he’s not going out of his way to find ways to help. He’ll specifically have to be told what to do or asked for help doing this or that because he won’t be going out of his way to do extra. He definitely is the ‘cool godparent’ figure who just kind of always accepts his godchild how they are, who gives them new pets, and who just kind of is always around if you need him.

Fushimi refuses. Flat out, no hesitation, no misunderstandings. Every time it’s brought up, he’s refusing. He wants no part or responsibility for part of any child’s life, especially since he does fear becoming like his own father as he grows and that really is something he doesn’t want to face mentally in any way. His friends can go ahead and list him as godparent or refer to him as one or insist but he’s shutting it down each and every time and refuses any part of it. I do think, if worst case scenarios did happen, he would begrudgingly step up because, at the heart of it, Fushimi is a good guy but even in that case, he’s taking as little responsibility as possible, supporting the child only financially and practically, and making sure they’re living someplace safe, where someone else will provide better for them in terms of a loving home.

[p3rry-pi3]

OKAY OKAY quick trigger warning for mentioning of addiction and drugs,,, I know lil’ strange but hear me out.

Oh and spoiler warning

y’all know how filbo was left mayor??? Yeah? Yeah?

I have an assumption.

What if filbo had ACTUAL potential and grumps CHOSE to drive him out.

Yeah. What if THE lizbert megafig thought about it and gave filbo the title.

if lizbert didn’t think filbo could handle the situation don’t you think she would’ve left EGGABELL in charge??????

As proven before by us and our arrival two major titles don’t change the roles of the game and only dives deeper into the characters themselves so the excuse that “eggabell was ONLY supposed to be the towns doctor.” Isn’t a justifiable reasoning.

Neither is, “oh it was a late notice.” Or “oh she wouldn’t have known she’d be queen.” She ADMITTED on more than one occasion that she knew their capabilities and knew beforehand what would happen. And even then she would’ve let eggabell handle true town as part time mayor WHILE SHE HUNTED FOR SNAX. But knowing ~presumably knowing~ eggabell wouldn’t have been able to take it,, she left FILBO, (a well trusted long term friend who she had been around SINCE HIS TEEN YEARS might I add and might’ve been there for longer than his parents have, and not ONLY THAT but he had been AND I QUOTE, “Been following Liz around for years.” Said by eggabell so Liz WOULD and COULD’VE fully known and have been aware filbo would be a good leader, let alone mayor.) in charge. So that’s not a good reasoning either.

It may be just my biased opinion or observation, but don’t you think if he had AT LEAST broken up fights the only other issues the townspeople had would be on themselves. They legitimately bully filbo because they all couldn’t be codependent on a person who could actually catch bugsnax anymore and was left with filbo. Someone who probably can’t even hold a tooth brush properly.

I feel like it was because they were so addicted to them the fade between them “needing” bugsnax and dissing filbo became normalized the more they were left under his watch.

“The plot wouldn’t have been the same since bugsnax go off of weaknesses that they exploit both unintentionally and unwillingly.”

That’s because they act like drugs. I firmly believe the bugsnax had the same effects as any other addicting consumables, have it what you will,, but I think the whole snapping on filbo was the same result as an addict getting angry cause they hadn’t have been as codependent on something that can exploit them no matter how many secrets kept hidden. Which is something I’m NOT clarifying cause I feel like it’s a really random topic and I haven’t really gathered much canonical info to back it up but so far I have this info between changes on mannerisms towards filbo and others. But since so much happened before we came and the timeline isn’t quite cleared up from since we came on snaktooth it’s all a blur and my thesis remains as just another hypothesis.

I think if others were lucid enough to reason with Liz, they would’ve been just as fine with filbo.

“Liz could’ve left anyone in charge.”

Then why wasn’t anyone else mayor? Why couldn’t filbo follow Liz on her snax huntings? Must be strange considering how they all complain about how busy they all are and the only other one who seems to mess up everything BESIDES also following Liz around.

Not only that but filbo has been proven to not by any means manage to keep a job for any longer than I think a week. So he would be the only other one who is:

1. Reliable

2. Honest

3. Thoughtful

4. Capable of communication

5. Charismatic

And 6. Able to hold conversation and seems to have experience with working with others considering how he handles the situations in game.

Not only that but if it weren’t for the role mayor he’d be the only one doing nothing all expedition long.

This is just my theory, I could be completely wrong and overthinking this so furthermore notice and questions in regarding my thoughts can and will be accepted criticism as long as it isn’t hate and actually thoughtful which can be an opinion formed over anything but considering this is a bug game with a moderately more understanding fandom I don’t think the dictation of whether or not the question/concern is thoughtful matters much!^^

You can have any opinion formed on the others or filbo I general,,, I can’t control that and I can’t control how you feel about this thought. Read it all the way through,,, or completely ignore it, whatever fits for you! 😎✨

I personally like filbo and couldn’t help but take upon notice how strange it is to me that they’d leave someone incapable of taking care of a town but was also a well trusted friend of an explorer who has been proven and seen to know more than the others in her industry or the expedition as a whole???

It didn’t piece well for me,, so a play through video later I did some overthinking and researching on him.

And yes I did just change the color of the texts so people who aren’t interested or disagree can read this text if they wish to do so and didn’t stick around long enough to patiently read through my ramblings to see the disclaimer. Hey, leave me alone. I just came back from watching a harsh commentary from a loud fandom I’m from :’)

But that’s my personal issues,,, ignore it do whatever,,, just pretend the disclaimer isn’t there if you find it odd it’s easier and less awkward for the both,,,, well for all of us actually.

[larabiatasstuff]

Hello @larabiatasstuff I know I haven't asked you anything in a while, but I'm back now. My mental health has been quite bad recently and if it's ok with you, please could I ask you to write something with my comfort character? I love karate kid terry, and if it's ok, (trigger warning) please could you write something with him where he stops you trying to hurt yourself when your mental health is really low? I know that hes normally so brash and energetic, but I think he would be so supportive and protective of his girlfriend. If you don't want to write this that's fine, but thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you 💙

It's so good to hear from you anon ☺️ As someone who suffers with mental health issues as well, I can relate. Life can be hard sometimes and our mind is telling us bad things. But remember after rain comes sunshine 🙏 I'm more than happy to write that for you and I hope you like it 🖤

⚠️Triggerwarning⚠️ :Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Self Harm

It was one of my bad days today. Terry had to leave early to discuss some things with John for an upcoming event where they wanted to attract new students for their dojo. I didn't want him to go but I didn't want him to worry about me either. I was still lying in bed and it felt like I had absolutely no energy to get up, or dressed, I didn't even have the energy to brush my teeth. I felt worthless and in exact this moments I remembered what my parents used to say. "You know there are people who have worse problems, people who are starving or homeless and you have everything you need and you're still complaining about how bad everything is." I started crying, I didn't want those words get to me but it was too late. I was already overthinking. Why would Terry love someone like me? What if he finds someone better? I couldn't take it anymore, the oh so familiar urge to hurt myself was almost unbearable. I got up, rushed into the bathroom and sat on the floor. I was crying uncontrollably and just before I could do something, the bathroom door opened and Terry entered the room. "Babe? Hey, hey what's wrong? Is it that bad again?" he said in a calm voice and knelt down in front of me. "It hurts so much Terry. I'm so pathetic I didn't even took a shower or brushed my teeth. I'm worthless, you deserve so much better." he gently took my shaking hands in his, stroking them with his thumb. "That's not true baby, you're the most wonderful person in the world and I love you with all my heart. It's okay to feel bad sometimes, it's okay if you don't have energy to do something today cause it will be still there tomorrow. Listen, I can't tell you how you're feeling right now cause I've never experienced it myself but I want to help you okay? I did a little research and maybe we can try that to keep you from hurting yourself. Just if you want. I know the urge is strong baby but please give it a chance. " I looked at him tears still running down my face." Okay" that was all I could bring out. Terry gave me a warm smile and got up. "I'll be right back, stay strong for me okay?" I nodded. After a few minutes he returned with a tray of ice cubes. "Terry what..." but he didn't let me finish. "You trust me right? Hold your arms out for me." I did as he said and Terry sat cross legged across from me. Then he took an ice cube and put it on my arm and left it there till the cold started to hurt. "How is that baby? Does it help a bit?" he looked directly into my eyes "It's... it feels weird but it takes the pressure away. Thank you so much for dealing with me Terry, you have better things to do than sitting on the bathroom floor with me." "Look at me Y/N nothing will ever be more important than you. Do you remember how I was before we met? I was an asshole always on drugs. But then you came into my life and saved me and now I am here doing that for you." I don't know how long we were sitting like this but it didn't matter. I have never felt more loved in my whole life.