#(*insert diet culture bullshit here*)

[paigina]

well, boss, i’ve done it again

[cupcraft]

Why is that when people are fat phobic about America they sometimes conclude its because "American food is poison and you're all on medication and etc etc type points". Like what is up with this shit and weird pseudoscience? And please dont respond to this "but american food is poison" with absolutely no nuance or science whatsoever because i will block you and will refuse to entertain it.

Like I'm sorry but American food is not "poison", or at least this generalization is just simply frustrating to me. It is true there are ingredients that are legal in the US but are not in other parts of the world, but you can't generalize that as "american food is poison" as it's more complicated than that. You can't make up claims about american food in order to be fatphobic. You can't make generalizations about american diets and nutrition without understanding the social determinants of what go into diet and accessibility of food. You can't have conversations about this without discussing socioeconomics, racism, ableism, food deserts, transportation access, healthcare, and etc. You can't just push bigoted and bullshit diet culture talking points and think you're saying something good here.

And on the science end, you can't look up how a preservative/ingredient that's in food "is also used as a paint thinner/[insert scare tactic]" without understanding food science and what makes something food grade. You can't say GMO's are evil without understanding what a GMO is and how its developed and what it actually means. You can't say "natural and organic is better! that's why american food is toxic" without really understanding food safety/what organic labels mean/etc. You can't say preservatives are evil without understanding why they're important for foods to be shelf stable and accessible, and also just the fact is they are not evil and bad.

And this is not to say there are not things that are able to be criticized about the american food system under capitalism. There is plenty to criticize. There is plenty to talk about within nutrition, access to food, farming/livestock practices, and much more. There's a lot to talk about with water runoff and the effects of american agriculture on the environment. There is so much to talk about with our food within capitalism but the thing is you dont want to talk about it. You don't actually care about improving the health and access to food and minimizing hunger and mitigating social determinants of health. You don't care, because if you did you'd be talking about these things in nuanced scientific and empathetic ways. But instead, you're just fatphobic and you really just want to make it seem like youre not by making up fake pseudoscientific and ableist points about american health in order to justify it. I'd much rather people admit that instead of scaremongering and spreading misinformation that could cause harm.

And for the recordthat's just my short point on the food topic, I haven't even gotten into the "americans are on too many meds" point which is just fucking terrible to say in itself, and ablelist. Like i for one people take meds if they want im glad people have medications that can help them. I'm glad medications exist. I hope to take my meds for the rest of time actually if it means I don't suffer from my shit 😭!! Instead of worrying about the amt of meds ppl are on as a moral failing focus on how we can make meds better more accessible and with less side effects. The end.

And feel free to rb and reply and send asks and add on btw!! There's a lot of nuance to my very short rant on a huge topic. Just don't be weird and rude.

[userkoo]

this site is so sensitive when i mention tae and jk together. like i even saw a tiktok naming their fav pairings and for everyone it was fine but when it was taekook they had to disclaim it was (pLaToNiC) was that not implied by the rest of your list?? ppl are so scared to mention them at all but if he's with another member its fine. its annoying and ppl are so transparent

i actually don't think tumblr is a primary suspect among the list of platforms where people move weird about taekook,.. but i'm speaking as someone in a little bubble of mutuals who are normal people lol. i also have never ventured onto the hellscape that is the bts stan side of tiktok so i can't speak on that either (besides seeing screenshots of people on there calling normal behaviors from jungkook 'red flags'... oof.) most of the bullshit, in my experience, stems from twitter where, like you said, even a simple mention of them hanging out together can end up with people accusing you of being a 'shipper' or a 'diet solo.'

this is going to be rambly so i'm putting it under a read more for the sake of not clogging people's dashes, but here are some of my thoughts on fandom culture/shipping in general:

oh real quick for for transparency sake, i'll start this off by saying: 1. i don't care about the relationship status of any of the bts members. they're single to me unless they officially and publicly state otherwise without any privacy invading force involved. 2. i have no problem with fans thinking/implying bts members are queer. lgbt fans finding comfort and comradery in their favorite people isn't a bad thing. :)

now for the actual post~

the fan dynamics on twt are so different and if you even mention taehyung and jungkook in the same sentence or say that they're very obviously close friends, you might end up on some of those 'defend [insert member here]' accounts where they encourage people to block and report for the slightest of 'offenses.' and like you mentioned in your post, that's over people talking about them platonically!! or over people who simply read fic without ever insinuating they think they're actually dating.

the puritanical culture that exists in very large parts of the bts fandom (and was present in the 1d fandom as well) is so weird to witness. we can all have differing opinions on whether or not rpf is 'good' or not, but unless someone is sending fanfiction to bts personally... it is harmless. and it will always exist. you will never enter into a fan space where independent, 'non-canon' content isn't being created by fans... and why would you want to? so much of fandom culture and history is about creation (and is also super lgbt centric!!)

in my opinion, the only people who still get up in arms about shipping discourse in 2023 are those under 18 or those who have no previous fandom experience. after stanning harry styles since 2012, i have heard the 'gay rumors made them drift apart!!!' argument so many times that it is genuinely nausea inducing. (and my opinion on that is... if you are that turned off by people possibly thinking you're queer to the point where it makes you end an important friendship, you either weren't very close to begin with or you're homophobic. likely a combination of the two. gay rumors are not, and never will be, offensive. they are not something you need to protect your fave from. why is this the argument so often touted by fans? why would you WANT your favorite person's self image to be so fragile that they end friendships over rumors? and that's not even getting into the fact that skinship and performance is built into the literal DNA - lol - of kpop...)

like. maybe i'm just too old to care now but i genuinely could not give less of a fuck if people think jk and taehyung are in a relationship. i do not care. they're both beautiful people who are clearly fond of each other. do any of us know how deep that fondness runs? nope! and we never will! and that's more than okay because these are grown men with personal, private relationships that we will never be privy to... as it should be. as long as boundaries are respected, i don't care what people think to be true.

can shippers get overzealous? for sure. do the people who analyze their every move need a new hobby? most definitely. but i think it's more than obvious now that the people who go to insane lengths to invade their privacy are stalkers or people trying to dredge up dating rumors between them and women.

it gets especially transparent when you have videos and rumors online about bts members dating people they've never interacted with publicly (using 'liskook' as an example, there are youtube videos with 10million views about them. one posted ten hours ago has 52k views) but i never see them condemned with the level of vitriol i see people using when it comes to jk and taehyung. is that not weird?

idk man. there's no concise ending to this post. fandom culture just intrigues me which is why i have so much to say about all this. it's especially interesting to me how it intersects with queer culture - or directly opposes it.

[mischiefmanifold]

how to pick a therapist? when u have a list of options written down how do u pick one

How to Choose the Right Therapist

(I hope you don’t mind that I’m going through the entire process, the bit you’re asking about will be towards the end)

Before I get started, the website I will be referencing is Psychology Today’s Therapist Finder (I do not endorse any of their content, the majority of it is bullshit and ableist, but the therapist finder is a good resource). You can also use this resource to find treatment centers, psychiatrists, and support groups.

Usually I start on Google because Psychology Today doesn’t have a filter for dissociative disorders and that’s the thing that has the most impact on me.

[Image description: A Google search bar with dark mode on. In the search bar are the words “did therapist near me”. To the right of the words in the search bar is a camera in the classic Google colors of yellow, blue, green, and red. End image description.]

After searching this (or something similar, it depends on the kind of therapist you’re looking for), scroll down until you find the result that has the Psychology Today URL on it that says “Find a (insert problem here) Therapist”. Click on that.

Once you’re on that page, type your 5 digit ZIP code where indicated. You’ll be taken to another page with a list of therapists and filtering options. You can filter other issues/topics if you’d like a therapist who is knowledgeable in multiple things you deal with, you can filter languages and costs and genders and religions and insurance types, etc etc etc.

Once you have all the filters that your heart desires, check the list again. (Note: You may have to compromise on some filters because there may not be any therapists who fit all the filters you put in.) Look through each individual profile, and list down the ones that you think may work for you.

Next, open up your email. Take the time to send an email to each of the therapists you’re considering, and ask them if you can have a 15 minute interview before choosing to stay with them full-time. Discard the ones that refuse an interview (unless you’d like to pay full price for one meeting just to ask them a bunch of questions).

Before the interview, write down a list of questions you want to ask the therapist. Include anything that may come up and make you uncomfortable or unsafe if they answer the wrong way (political orientations, views on topics such as “narcissistic abuse”, diet culture, views on self diagnosis, etc.).

At the interview, gauge the way you feel with the therapist (the vibes, if you’d like). Do you feel comfortable with them? Are they welcoming, open, sincere? If not, they’re probably not right for you.

It can be really intimidating and scary to be willing to open yourself up to another person, especially about things you’ve never told anyone about before and especially if those things are things you did that were socially unacceptable, but I’m really proud of you for prioritizing your healing!

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Fantasies, dreams and desires, ideas of normalcy and fears of difference. A slightly queer reading of 15x14

Mrs Butters is a delightful character who is built to parallel so many things in the show. She occupies perfectly the semantic sphere that the narrative has crafted around Dean’s desires; also, you know, cake.

We could talk for days about the significance of food and drink in Supernatural. One of the biggest themes that run through the entire show is hunger (or thirst) and food is very often a symbol for an emotional need of sorts. Supernatural draws a lot folklore, and human stories have always used symbologies that put together food, desire, love, sex, family, goodness and darkness and all those human experiences.

We have discussed the shit out of every instance of food in the show, analyzed parallels to other stories and fairytales, scrutinized queer-codings and subtexts, got called nasty names by impolite people accusing us of saying that a slice of baked good means Dean likes sitting on dicks. So, yeah, I’m not gonna start explaining everything from the beginning. Let’s jump to the parallels.

- The comfort food. Motherhood, hugs, and the past that can never return: the ideal of childhood and the 50s fantasy

We’ve already talked about how Mrs Butters functions as a parallel to Mary and a symbol of the ideal motherhood that both Mary and Dean struggled with. In Dark Side Of The Moon, we see a memory from Dean’s childhood, where we learn that Mary would cut off the crusts off his sandwiches. Mrs Butters also says that she cut the crusts off, establishing a direct parallel to Dean’s ideal of childhood and child-parent relationship. Or, we should say, as both Mary’s and Dean’s ideals of a child-parent relationship, because we know that Mary set up her life with John and the kids as an elaborate “scene” according to her idea-slash-fantasy of the perfect safe life.

She strugged with that, because her ideal life could never match with reality - she had loose ends from hunting to deal with, she at some level liked having those loose ends to deal with because as much as she hated the hunting life and craved for safety and “normalcy” that was still something she was in her element doing, probably more than the perfect housewife role. Of course when she came back she attempted to recreate the scene but quickly discovered that it was impossible and dropped all attempts to do so, embracing the opposite, or at least what she perceived as the opposite (having a pretty dualistic view of hunting life-domestic life where they cannot be reconciled).

Dean, on the other hand, started out with a similar dualistic view, figuring that he’d always belong to the hunting world and could never have the domestic, “normal” thing at all, embracing his “freakness” as opposed to the concept of normalcy represented by civilians, by the middle class, by the suburbs, by the apple pie, white fence life (insert heavy queer subtext here). And yet there was always an ambiguity with him (again, he’s never one-or-the-other, he’s always both), because, while on the surface he embraces this rebellious, devil-may-care persona, that’s not quite what he is as a full individual. He grew up essentially a housewife from a very early age, has a very caregiving personality, and thrives in taking care of others.

Dean is both Mrs Butters and Mary, where the difference between him and Mary is that Mary couldn’t (didn’t have the time, support, resources?) reconcile parts of her that Dean instead was able to (and in fact recently helped her with: before dying, she’d reached a pretty healthy balance of living her own life as a hunter and having a warm relationship with her sons, at least as healthy as it can get in that kind of circumstances).

Another important parallel to Dark Side Of The Moon, borrowed by Scoobynatural, is the nightgown that feels like being wrapped in hugs: we are reminded of Dean’s “I wuv hugz” from when he was a kid, a symbol for his early life of affection and safety that he lost with his mother. Childhood hugs, comfort food, loving gestures like cutting off the crusts are all symbols of a past that cannot return.

On a level, from a “coming-of-age story” perspective, childhood, with its innocence and perception that adults will always keep us safe, is obviously something that everyone needs to accept as something that belongs to the past and cannot return, to embrace instead the responsibilities and risks of adulthood in a healthy way. In a sense, Dean needs to go through all these steps - acknowledging that his mother was a flawed person, that in fact both of his parents were flawed people who made mistakes but he can forgive them for his own sake in order to be able to let go of trauma and carry on... - to become a healthy adult able to be a good parent to his own child.

(There’s also the cholesterol thing - Mrs Butters chastizes Dean for his diet, but we know that there’s a depth to Dean’s diet, not only his extreme appreciation of food due to experiencing food scarcity and insecurity as a child, but also the memory of his mother’s comfort food, such as the “Winchester surprise”, a monstrosity of meat and cheese. While the “meat man” persona would appear on the surface as a sterotypical masculinity thing, it has layers, in a typical Dean fashion... not coincidentally, in the latest episode he calls himself the meat man while wearing an apron that we’re told he’s very fond of, painting him, again, in a mixture of different meanings, masculinity and femininity, fatherhood and motherhood, devil-may-care attitude and caregiver attitude.)

On another level, a more political level, there’s the 50s fantasy element. We all know the significance of the idealization of the post-war period as the “good ol’ times” in American culture, and it’s an ideal that Mary definitely drew from when she built her perfect life with her family. Mrs Butters represents this in a very literal way, being literally from 1958 when she “froze” herself, and acts as a very stereotyped governess for a bunch of men that feel like they are above housework, what is considered women’s work. Dean initially comments “how progressive”, knowing exactly how bullshit these conversative ideals are, but then appreciates the comforts of the perfect caretaker.

In fact, Dean’s “giving in” to the comforts of a governess makes me think of that famous feminist manifesto “I want a wife” by Judy Syfers... because housework is very much Dean’s work in the bunker. It’s interesting that Mrs Butters immediately comments negatively on the cleanness of the bunker and their clothes: we know that Dean cleans and washes, and, while it’s likely that he cannot keep everything super perfect like a governess would because he’s busy doing many other things, it’s a way Mrs Butters uses to establish roles that she knows and is comfortable with. She is used to being the one who does “feminine” work while the Men of Letters have absolutely zero skills in that regard, and doesn’t really even stop to question if that’s the case with the men in front of her.

Anyway, let’s go back to the 50s fantasy. The show has repeatedly made commentaries on the vacuity of it. Peace Of Mind is the most obvious instance, but there’s plenty of subtext in the show that deals with that typically American aspect. Just like the childhood aspect, the narrative tells us that the “good ol’ times” are also an idealized thing that cannot return (if it ever existed, because Dean’s childhood was built on a fantasy, and the “good ol’ times” are also a fantasy, because the real 50s were horrible for anyone who didn’t swim in privilege). Mrs Butters cannot stay, the 50s fantasy-slash-childhood fantasy cannot last, and Dean embraces his role as an adult-slash-modern housemaker. Blah blah gender, blah blah cake. (Yeah, sorry, but you can fill in the blanks.)

- The contaminated drink. Poison and weakness from the forbidden sexual desire to the forbidden family domesticity

Aaaand now the second branch of parallels that Mrs Butters pinged on my radar, which sends us in an even more queer-subtext-heavy territory. We’re going to talk about the smoothies and the tomato juice. Yes, I know, the smoothies are given to Jack, not Dean, but symbolically Dean and Jack share the same semantic area; both are given a magically conjured drink, and both end up locked away waiting to be killed. For this analysis, they basically overlap.

Let’s start with the tomato juice. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that Dean is given something that visually reminds of the blood the vampires drink. The tomato juice is a stand-in for blood, and blood in relation to vampirism has a long history of subtext in the show that connects to sexuality, sex, sexual fears and contamination. While vampires are not necessarily always invested of those meanings every single time they appear in the three-hundred-whatever episodes of the show, their main symbology is connected to sex and sexual fears, as vampires do in modern western literature, after all.

You’re probably going to think, wait, what? What has Mrs Butters got to do with sexual fears? Yeah, I know, it sounds weird, but hear me out.

The tomato juice - a stand-in for blood, with a vampire reference - parallels Mrs Butters (who represents trauma, remember) to 6x05 Live Free Or TwiHard. Sexual assault, blood, contamination via the poisoning liquid.

Next to the tomato juice there’s the smoothie. It’s a poison in disguise, a contaminated drink that makes Jack weak. We have, in fact, a pattern of Dean being given contaminated drinks that place him under another’s power. Not just the vampire’s blood, but also Jeremy from 3x10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me, who offers Dean a beer through which he connects him to his dreams. There’s Nick the siren from 4x14 Sex And Violence, who contaminates Dean through the flask. The venom in the siren’s saliva parallels straight to the gorgon Noah in 14x14 Ouroboros, and I don’t have to start explaining what all those things represent, right? (I have written posts about these things, it would be nice if tumblr didn’t suck and showed them to me when I go look for them.)

(Oh, there’s also Crowley’s human blood addiction, which is not, as one might expect, a parallel to Sam’s demon blood addition, but Dean’s First Blade/Mark Of Cain issue, and the First Blade/Mark Of Cain arc is all imbued by the queer subtext of the Dean-Crowley-Castiel triangle.)

Basically, Mrs Butters is inserted in a history of queer subtext, although it appears as obvious that Mrs Butters hardly represents homosexual desire, unless we go a pretty stretchy route of her occupying Cas’ space in the Dean-Sam-Cas-Jack family (I mean, that’s true, but it’s not simply that). It is also true that Mrs Butters represents Cuthbert Sinclair, and here the radar pings, because Cuthbert Sinclair is totally inside the pattern! He wanted to make Dean part of his collection just like the vampire in 6x05 wanted to make Dean part of his pack, with supernatural means of exorting control over Dean and heavy heavy rapey tones. (I know we don’t like to talk about this, but the show does play with incest subtext, John mirrors are often rapey.)

So, we have all this semantic area of poison, weakness and submission to external control painted in overtones of sexual assault and sexual fears especially in relation to homosexual desire. (I am NOT linking homosexual desire to sexual assult, nor the show is, it’s a wide and volatile semantic area where the common denominator is fear, fear of being hurt FOR being different sexually, it’s about vulnerability because of being different. It’s a horror narrative, guys, remember, queer fear is a recurrent theme in the genre. Dracula was about the horror of what happened to Oscar Wilde, we’re running in circles.)

Now, what kind of fear is explored in 15x14? Well, the episode is about the fear of losing family. The plot is about Dean’s feelings towards Jack after he killed Mary. Dean doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going to lose Cas soon also because of Jack. Mary and Cas are both very noisy absences in the episode, and we know that Dean is going to suffer something horrific again that will shatter his family again. This goes past the fears regarding forbidden sexual desire: we’re in the territory of forbidden familial desire, so to speak, Dean’s craving for a domestic peace with his family.

Jack is both the culmination of Dean’s process of family-building, as the son figure of the family, and the element of destruction of that family-building. Not a coincidence Jack’s birthday was referenced, as Jack’s birth coincided with Cas’ death and Mary’s supposed death or at least separation. Now Jack has supposedly killed Mary (or is it a inter-universe separation again? @drsilverfish​’s theory always pops up, and we keep getting reminded of other universes - the telescope is broken...) and we know that Cas’ ultimate death hangs above us.

We’re always running in a spiral, Dean’s relationship with Mary, Dean’s relationship with Cas, Dean’s relationship with motherhood and gender roles, Dean’s relationship with sexuality. There’s a big picture of mirrors in the semantic area of fantasies, idealizations, desires and dreams. I hope I managed to make this post make sense, but I’m always open to requests of clarification or elaboration. Thanks for reading!

[fuck-customers]

Trigger warning for disordered eating. Current radio ad at my place goes "Need a snack... don't wanna break my diet. Don't pick something naughty! *insert product here* has only x calories and y grams of fibre, so you can enjoy a guilt free snack". Diet culture is bullshit yo, how about you eat whatever tf you want without feeling guilty because your body is telling you it needs energy? I'm just... so tired of having calories and weight loss shoved in my face

[zzzoloft]

How You’re Making Your Fat Friends Uncomfortable When Eating, and How to Not

Disclaimer: This piece is not to attack thin people, but to point out how you are indirectly hurting the fat people you care about with comments that may seem harmless to you. Even when not directly announcing, “Fat is gross. You are gross,” there are many ways you still convey this message to the humans around you. If you don’t care about hurting the fat people in your life, please reevaluate why you dehumanize people in larger bodies. After that, google Concern Trolling and see if that sums up your immediate response.

Yesterday I hosted a little get-together and I knew while making a dessert dip that there would be uncomfortable comments made about it. 

Even while buying a double pack of peanut butter at Costco, I was told by a family member “That’s TOO much...”. My heart started pounding and I smiled uncomfortably and bit my tongue. My husband, seemingly unbothered, replied “We’re using it for Mochi’s [our dog’s] birthday cake and a dip we are making for her party.” Shopping with other people around is hard enough, there were a couple of items I would’ve looked at longer if we hadn’t been shopping with thin family members. I already know that my family buys into a lot of weight stigma and fatphobia and other diet culture bullshit. And these are the progressive ones. I understand - they benefit from thin privilege and life feels better when people treat you better. To me it kind of highlights that middle ground, though - can people who buy into diet culture truly respect their fat loved ones? There’s always an underlying you should be like me - here’s what you can do tone, involuntary or not. There’s never the consideration that their fat loved ones would benefit from some true acceptance and might be working on accepting their body as it is. 

These are the things being said around food at social events that are reinforcing diet culture and making your fat friends (and some thin friends) feel bad. 

I’m so glad I earned this by [insert vigorous exercise here] today!

I need to walk away because I could eat this whole thing! [which would be disgusting and the world would end!]

My [size 2] belly is already growing, I really shouldn’t!

I’m glad I had a healthy breakfast or I couldn’t have this!

I would never have this in my house!

I am SOOO full (after two bites, while other people are still enjoying their food. You can say no to any food. You can walk away from a food table and say this elsewhere. Don’t say this to people who are still eating. This is just as annoying as people who announce when they are drunk every two seconds while you’re trying to enjoy a party, only it is often used by a woman to show how little she needs to eat to be full - sosoqt!)

This is WAY over my *points* limit. [Awesome, Helen. You are such a bad ass, Helen.]

I can’t believe I had pasta and NOW THIS! 

I’m so bad!

I’ll have to make up for this tomorrow.

How can you eat something so sweet?!

I feel guilty from all that sugar.

This is so unhealthy.

I’m SO fat!!! [size 5 person proclaims]

I don’t usually eat junk.

I’m getting so fat :( 

I’m gonna get [”obese”, diabetes, a heart attack]

Guilt and shame inducing comments are the stat-quo for any gathering involving food. You hear it in the office, you hear it when out to dinner with friends, you heart it at parties. 

Hopefully it goes without saying that “I’m too full” is a perfect response to an unwanted food offer, but announcing it out of nowhere makes it weird.

Here are some things you can say around a demonized food (or any food) that aren’t awkward as fuck for everyone who may have food issues [a.k.a. everyone in this god damn country.]

Yum!

*Silence while not choosing that food if you choose not to eat the food, moving onto another food you like*

This tastes good!

*Silence while hating the food you’ve tried, throwing it away, and trying something else*

Thank you for making this.

Have you guys ever tried [other food item]

I want to try this with [insert other food item - IE foot long hot dog]

*Chewing and swallowing*

I really enjoy [insert album or movie]

There it is, folks! You can totally enjoy food and not bash yourself about it out loud! When you bash yourself, you’re bashing others, you’re making people uncomfortable, and you’re continuing the moralization of food items. If kale and cleansing are your thing, I promise one evening of enjoying different foods at a party is not going to kill you (it may give you heartburn or diarrhea or a feeling of joy you won’t reach until the next time you have carbs).

Remember folks, health is not a virtue. 

Here’s the recipe for the dip btw. It was a hit - served it with chocolate & regular graham crackers, pretzel thins, and green apple slices:

Reese’s Peanut Butter Fluff 

[tuyet-mai]

A breakdown of Ed Sheeran’s “New Man” and why it’s problematic:

[TL;DR at the bottom of the post.]

     So yesterday, as I was on Spotify instead of doing work, I realized I hadn’t listened to the new Ed Sheeran album Divide in it’s entirety yet. Turns out, it’s pretty awesome (and if you haven’t listened to it yet, you should go do that)! Unfortunately though, it does have its problematic moments -- the track New Man being the primary representative. 

Before we go into detail though, let’s give the characters of the song names so that they’re simple to discern from each other:

Let ex-boyfriend be X, girl be G, and New Man be N. 

Also, excuse my ADHD. My meds wore off towards the end.

Ok! Now on to the fun bit!

So why is this song problematic, anyways?

I have a couple of different perspectives on this point that we’ll detail momentarily, but to be concise:

X is obsessed with the relationship between G and N, using a mix of manipulation tactics and fallacies to try and convince G to leave him. 

X incessantly shames N for basically existing; he also shames G for choosing to do things/be around people X disapproves of.

X enforcing gender stereotypes. 

G asking X for sex. Also, G cheating on N. 

N wears closed shoes without socks. 

Pop culture influences real life, and overall, these are not healthy behaviors. 

Give me a moment to mentally choke a bitch out compose myself.

Just...

What the actual fuck? 

   Now,  I’m sure there are multiple people reading this post and thinking “silly OP, X is justified because N is a piece of shit,” but here’s the thing: 

THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT X IS TRYING TO GET YOU TO BELIEVE. 

     And by “you,” I mean G, ‘cause New Man is basically a request for G to take X back rather than offering sympathy to G or caring about her as a whole individual. 

[explosion noises]

Let’s take it verse by verse to identify how X does this.

Verse 1: 

I heard he spent five hundred pounds on jeans Goes to the gym at least six times a week Wears boat shoes with no socks on his feet And I hear he's on a new diet and watches what he eats He's got his eyebrows plucked and his arsehole bleached Owns every single Ministry CD Tribal tattoos and he don't know what it means But I heard he makes you happy, so that's fine by me But still, I'm just keepin' it real Still lookin' at your Instagram and I'll be creepin' a lil' I'll be tryin' not to double tap, from way back 'Cause I know that's where the trouble's at Let me remind you of the days when You used to hold my hand And when we sipped champagne out of cider cans I guess if you were Lois Lane, I wasn't Superman Just a young boy tryin' to be loved So let me give it to ya 

Did you catch it? Here’s verse one rewritten:

“I don’t like N because [insert stereotype about masculinity] and he’s different compared to me”

“But if that’s what makes you happy, it’s ‘ fine,’ [insert eye roll]”

“But actually, it’s not fine, because I miss you (I’m stalking you) and I’m better because we did fun shit even though I was poor and I’m not [masculinity stereotype]”

“Poor me, I deserve love; let me love you”

Essentially, X is saying that because N plucks his eyebrows, has money to spend on something he wants (even if it’s a dumb purchase), and behaves a certain way, it makes him a dumb jock/fuccboi/undesirable/have certain other traits. Therefore, X is desirable (a nice guy), and G should take him back. 

Because obviously, as a man, if you keep up with your appearance, like one specific band(s), have an aesthetic/meaningless tattoo, and try to take care of your body, you’re a shitty person (sarcasm). To this last point though, I would like to note that if the tattoo has a cultural implication that N is not part of, it’s a dick move to have gotten it. We’re going off X’s assumptions though, so... 

Also, closed shoes without socks is unacceptable regardless of who you are; shape up, N.

CHORUS

I don't wanna know about your new man 'Cause if it was meant to be You wouldn't be callin' me up tryin' to 'Cause I'm positive that he don't wanna know about me I don't wanna know about your new man We'll get there eventually I know you're missin' all this kind of love But I'm positive that he don't wanna know about me

Rewritten:

“I don’t want to know about your new man because you’re calling me up for sex (so obviously I’m better and he doesn’t matter).”

“I also KNOW that you’re missing this kind of love (so please come back) and we’ll eventually be able to laugh at him together.”

“Also, he doesn’t wanna know about me (because he’s too big of a dickbag to care obviously).”

Thoughts on the chorus:

On G’s part: dick move. Nobody should call up someone who’s trying to get over them. It just plays with their emotions and gives them false hope (or in this case, it makes X go batshit crazy)

On X’s part: he needs to get over himself. He doesn’t seem care about G or her situation other than wanting her back. He also can’t KNOW what G is feeling or missing unless she’s specifically told him.  

Verse 2

Your new man rents a house in the 'burb And wears a man bag on his shoulder, but I call it a purse Every year, he goes to Málaga with all the fellas Drinks beer, but has a six pack, I'm kinda jealous He wears sunglasses indoors, in winter, at nighttime And every time a rap song comes on, he makes a gang sign Says "Chune, bwoydem light up the room!" But enough about him, girl, let's talk about you You were the type of girl who sat beside the water readin' Eatin' a packet of crisps, but you will never find you cheatin' Now you're eatin' kale, hittin' the gym Keepin' up with Kylie and Kim In the back of the club, kissin' a boy that ain't him Okay, you need to be alone And if you wanna talk about it, you can call my phone I just thought I would tell you, 'cause you oughta know You're still a young girl tryin' to be loved So let me give it to ya

Rewritten:

[Implied stereotype about people who live in the suburbs]

[Implied jab at masculinity]

“I’m uncomfortable with myself and jealous that he can keep that figure”

[Stereotype]

[Stereotype about “type” of femininity]

[Cheat-shaming, even though he has no idea what G&N’s relationship is about]

“Even though you behave this way you’re still this [type of] girl somewhere inside.”

“Poor, silly, you. Let me love you because I’m not [stereotype] therefore my love is better.”

A few points with this verse:

This reminds me so much of the people who say the: “I’m not racist, but...” bullshit. X is passive-aggressively shaming N and G through the entire song by implying “N isn’t a fuccboi but... N is a fuccboi -- and if you like fuccbois (G), then I guess that’s what you like (but I’m judging you for it because (stereotype))”

I’m not one to advocate cheating if that’s the case, but neither I nor X have ANY IDEA what G and N have agreed to in their relationship. Maybe G found out she’s polyamorous. Maybe N is polyamorous. Maybe they’re fine with having multiple partners. We don’t know, and neither does X! G shouldn’t be shamed. 

Again, what is with this guy and shaming people for taking care of themselves? G is doing well for her body! Also, maybe she realized she liked that show (ironically, or unironically: it doesn’t matter).

STOP WITH THE GENDER JABS, CHRIST ON A STICK! That is not okay! N is in no way required to conform to society’s or X’s expectations of masculinity/style/etc.

Another thing: People change! Even if G’s behavior/aesthetic/style/gender identity was a certain way with X, that doesn’t mean she’s locked into those things for the rest of her life! Nor does it express her as a full individual! Crazy concept: you can be chill/humble, take care of yourself, and eat crisps every now and then!  

X does get points for the ‘gang signs for every rap song’ line though; that’s unnecessary and ignorant. 

Bridge

Baby, I'm not tryin' to ruin your week But you act so differently When you're with him, I know you're lonely Please remember you're still free To make the choice and leave Don't call me up, you need to show me

Rewritten:

“Baby I’m not trying to ruin your week but...”

[goes on to do/say some dumb shit]

“You act so different, therefore you must be lonely!”

“So please come back to me, but DON’T call me! I demand you show me (see: make it up to me cause I’m too good for that)”

Thoughts:

Again... one aspect of a person in one instant is not representative of the entire individual. X is not owed anything from G. 

Summary & Societal Implications

X is fucking insane and doesn’t care about G as a whole person. He loves the idea of who she was before. 

X continually shames N and G to manipulate G into coming back to him. 

There’s a lot of details being assumed. 

     Also, if you haven’t sorted this out by now: this is a terrible portrayal of romance for people to relate to/internalize. It normalizes creepy/arrogant/ manipulative behavior as well as gender stereotypes. None of those things are healthy within or after a relationship. 

     If X loves G, he should be her friend and comfort her/help her situation instead of acting all high and mighty/implying something along the lines “I told you this was silly; now come back to me.” If he loves her, and she is not happy with N, he should help her exit the situation without requiring personal gain in return. Unconditional love does not necessitate reciprocal behavior. 

TL;DR

New Man has a great beat, but sends an overall terrible message. It also enforces gender stereotypes. Also, X is creepy as fuck and should leave both of them alone, even if G called him, solely because he’s a passive-aggressive, manipulative fuck.

[namelessblacksheep]

BULLSHITTING YOUR WAY TO THE TOP

The desire to be a success is a healthy and normal concept in life. Whether you apply that to a hobby, career or how you live your day-to-day existence.

Being ‘successful’ will vary from person to person, but generally speaking, success is a gradual and progressive upward curve with a few peaks and troughs along the way. It takes time and effort and it brings with it a sense of achievement.

We live in this fast moving society with countless messages to encourage us to be the best we can be, but that is often offset against pressures to see the fruits of our labours. By our very nature, humans like to quantify and measure the progress of success, which can often skew the true path to achieving it. Success involves a goal and a path in its most simple form. You take steps down the path to get you to where you want to be. Some victories can be achieved more quickly than others.

A diet, dependent on your starting weight can lead to a successful body transformation or weight loss in a matter of months. Learning how to do the requisite tasks of a new job perhaps 6 months or so dependent on the complexity of the role. Becoming a legendary guitar player who would make Jimi Hendrix blush, might well take a little longer.

All of these are examples where success can be achieved by taking measured steps with tangible measuring points to see progress towards the end goal. Straightforward and not rocket science. However, many people in society today for whatever reason, seem to not want to follow this most simple process. Everything is about taking shortcuts and getting there faster than others.

This concept of cutting corners making you the smarter guy or gal than the fools who follow the long and lonely path to destination ‘success’ is very enticing. It’s quicker, not everyone takes that path and who wants to follow the crowd anyway, right?

A place where cutting corners and rising to the top is increasingly prominent is in the world of work. With a diet you can cut corners, lose a lot of weight and achieve your goal, it might only last a week or two despite punishing yourself with starvation and some weird potion that you only drink between the hours of 12 pm and 2 pm for a month.

There is a belief that the corporate world is not the same as the real world. Working hard is for idiots. Playing the game and presenting in such a way that makes you get seen is the quick path up the corporate ladder to a plum job and a nice benefits package. Boom, you’re now killing it and sticking up your middle finger to the tried and tested path to success.

Just stop to think for a second of a colleague (or colleagues) and co-workers who are successful and have done so by failing at every turn, never delivering anything and somehow always seem to be in line for a promotion or have got to a level way above their station. If you can’t think of anyone that fits that mould, congratulations one of the following statements is true:

You work for a kick-ass company that rewards success, weeds out failure and operates a corporate culture of constant improvement and development.

You are a ‘corporate bullshitter’. AKA a deceitful and self-entitled lazy so-in-so.

The rise of the Corporate Bullshitter

These people are typified by high levels of self-belief, self-entitlement and they tend to have the gift of the gab. Now, it’s not to say that people who have these particular characteristics automatically are corporate bullshitters.

The thing that makes someone progress to that modality is someone who is lazy, has narcissistic tendencies and is willing to do whatever it takes irrespective of morality to get what they want. Corporate bullshitters want success like everyone else, but they perceive themselves (quite often incorrectly) as someone special and above the ‘normal rules’.

They describe themselves as ‘big picture people’ and are not concerned with the minor and irrelevant things like ‘details’. That kind of thing is for the other minions in the workplace, the little people who do all the work and get none of the credit.

These individuals have a persona that emits a sense of importance and authority (even when they really don’t have any). They always seem to speak the same language, full of jargon-laden nonsense that when actually translated doesn’t even relate to what they are actually talking about.

When someone who knows more about a subject than them, they are inclined to vehemently agree with everything the person says to their face, but probably subtly undermines the same individuals when in other arenas. Or, they will seek to belittle the more intellectual counterpart by emphasising their elevated status and connections. They may also try to go toe-to-toe with the person by throwing out terms until one is not recognised and then harp on incessantly about it until the other person gets bored and ends the conversation.

All of the corporate bullshitters I have ever come up against always have at least one go-to subject area that they twist a conversation to when things are not going their way just to preserve that perception they have, that they are ‘smart’. Most, if not all, corporate bullshitters are not really that smart. If they were, they would be experts in the jobs they somehow manage to inhabit, having put in the work to command the authority and respect for the role.

These hapless miscreants are not satisfied with their current role. They are aiming for one of the highest positions within the company. The one with all the status and money, where they can sit back and delegate like a true boss. Like a Bond villain swivelling in their leather chair, feet up and supping 10-year-old whiskey from a crystal tumbler. The fluffy white cat is an optional extra.

Aspirations of elevation to a senior level are absolutely admirable. Investing all your time and effort in achieving this by taking shortcuts rather than by hard work and dedication to do the job well, and having the requisite skills and knowledge to be there, is not. Eventually, like a poorly executed diet, these people will pull the fat parachute chord and everything will blow up.

That may sound relatively harmless, but when you really think about it, what if the person in charge of major catastrophes that have occurred in the world achieved that position, not by being the best, but by playing the game the best?

People see the whole ‘fake it until you make it’ thing as a part of life, a choice that some people make. I have met people who talk of their admiration of such characters saying things like ‘fair play to them’ for getting to where they did, despite not doing things the moral way.

How people achieve success is up to them, and I’m not about to start preaching about who should and should not be successful or how they achieve it. But ask yourself, if you had to have major surgery or were about to invest your life savings in some venture, would you want the person performing the operation or brokering the deal to be someone who has an ethic of hard work or one who was much smarter and saw a shortcut to get there?

How to identify a Corporate Bullshitter?

The list is meant to highlight potential characters to be mindful of but not all will immediately mean that someone is a feckless lying fuckwit, or has the potential to be:

They send emails at late hours or on weekends but are often late in and leave early. they complain about how endlessly 'busy' they are whilst you catch them checking social media and planning their next trip away.

Corporate Bullshitters are experts on all topics, but rarely challenge other experts when that specific topic is being discussed. They will often become quite sycophantic in an effort to be seen in the same light as the visiting expert (as if they were separated at birth by God).

They know all the movements of the higher-ups and regularly spend their time trying to break into higher level meetings they don’t really have a place at. They are likely to have all senior diaries saved to their calendar.

They dress in a manner to be noticed beyond the norm, often in a quite eccentric way. Think here: ‘Chino Wanker’ meets ‘Townie Twat’. However, when the big boss is visiting they look like they are dressed for a meeting with Queen.

These people have a very high profile presence on company social media platforms. They communicate messages in support of the status quo or from persons of authority. Their presence on such platforms is noticeable to all. They also are one of the first people to like any article or message from a senior figure regardless of how dull the subject is. (Insert winking emoji here, you know who I am talking about).

They are ‘ideas people’ and take credit for other people’s work, truly believing that they contributed in some way. Like a having a notion that time travel would be a cost and time-saving means of transportation, but having no idea how to make it happen (get a Science guy in). Then when it is invented, quite rightly pat themselves on the back for a job well done. Inventor extraordinaire!

They attend many non-work corporate networking events (often with other, fellow Clint and Cythnia types from other companies) and they do this within work time. Nothing of substance ever comes from these events, but they never miss them.

During projects, they demand to be part of the project team, make lots of elaborate and convoluted comments during the meetings but are often the ones who make excuses about competing demands that means they didn’t deliver their assigned actions.

When talking to people that don’t know them well (like a new starter) they will convey themselves as more senior and in charge than is actually the case. ‘Oh yes, John is in my team and Margaret’. John and Margaret may well be in their team but they are likely to report to someone else because the CB in question is in charge of making the tea.

They gravitate towards fellow Clint and Cythnia personality types (Cockney rhyming slang for 'Jeremy Hunt' type individuals) and form little cliques (otherwise known as hierarchical structures of management). They cover for each other in public but conspire in private to create the next opportunity. There is no honour amongst this band of thieves.

They don’t do ‘details’. This would require them to actually have some knowledge of what they are doing. The work they produce is often for a ‘big picture person’, not joined up at all and entirely self-serving. Their portfolio of work is littered with ‘pet projects’ and when they inevitably fail, they just claim credit for the ones that someone else made a success of through some associative properties.

Never do they do anything wrong. These people have skin made of Teflon and nothing ever sticks. They are the embodiment of cockroaches following a nuclear fallout.

They go on to become ‘consultants’, giving the genuine consultants out there bad names. These folks would ask to borrow your watch to tell you the time and then charge you a mortgage payment for their effort.

Corporate Bullshitters are always trying to promote new fandangled approaches rather than tried and tested ones where others are already likely to be experts. If it’s not fanciful bullshit they just don’t want any part of it.

They attend learning events, but reject everything they are taught because they don’t agree with the philosophy. In short, they have zero capacity for learning, because they believe that they are already the finished article and don’t want to learn.

These people like their status symbols and like everyone to know about it. Whether it’s the brand new sports car in the car park, the elaborate meal they went to on the weekend or the lavish fourth holiday they are taking this year. They want people to know they are doing well to keep up the pretence of their rise up the ladder.

They don’t have any real friends or the ones they do are called Clint and Cythnia. They also struggle to form relationships with colleagues that go beyond the work.

Not always the case, but they often don’t have the qualifications, knowledge or experience to do their jobs and justify that such things are not necessary. Or they make claims of having other skills and expertise that is more than adequate. Kind of like a Doctor with no formal training, who watches ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and ‘Casualty’ religiously and knows how to use a chainsaw.

Total opportunists. Whenever change comes around. Restructures, mergers or downsizing activities always bring these people out of the woodwork. They might be forever out of the office, but when the big announcement is made, suddenly they are everywhere like an infestation of termites. They sign up to everything and their usual absent manner is replaced by a sycophantic presence, especially when the important people are around.

They suffer from a rare affliction known as ‘delegationitis’ whereby they pass off all work to others due to their allergy to doing anything. These people talk the talk, but tag in a lackey to put the leg work in.

There are no shortcuts to success

Even in the situations where the corporate bullshitter breed ascends to high offices, this is often time-limited. Eventually like any ill-performed approach to any path, they get found out in the end.

If the route to the top is achieved at a fast pace, then the road down will be as quick. They will then have to start all over again. The alternative is getting to a place of high authority and holding the reigns when a tragedy occurs. Money and status are only part of the picture when you fall from grace the effect on the things that really matter could be a bigger price to pay.

Anyone who read this article as a means to find the quickest way to the top or to become a success, the message is simple: work hard and be good at what you do. Do all the things that experts in your field have done and put your hours and effort into the tried and tested. Slow and steady wins the race, and if the climb up is long and steady the path down will be equally so.

Malcolm Gladwell once suggested that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. If you invest your time wisely and diligently, you can become an expert in anything within 5 years. Sooner, if you put the hours in over and above. In the span of a normal career that means you could potentially become an expert in up to 9 areas.

If you spent time thinking about what you want to achieve, where you want to succeed, chances are you wouldn’t choose to become an expert in bullshitting your way to the top. Perhaps the key is using those 10,000 hours to actually be good at something and then the fruits that come with that labour will be even more satisfying and worthwhile.

Perhaps the seduction of money, status and prestige has become so rife that people give up on improving themselves to become a better version of themselves. One day the ‘shortcuts’ taken bullshitting your way through life will come calling for payment and what tangible things will be there for all that time wasted?

Here’s something to consider: if the apocalypse, or some other significant change, comes calling, who are going to be the people who prove to be of use and in demand? Those who can actually do something, or, those who wasted their time talking utter nonsense and not learning a goddamn thing?

‘If you focus on success, you’ll have stress. But if you pursue excellence, success will be guaranteed’ – Deepak Chopra.

[findingmypeace]

I know YOU were trying not to take it offensively. But I sure as fuck did. Eating disorders aren't fucking weight loss fads. They aren't diet culture. You don't insert your "I'm fucked in the brain" coin and weight just drops from your body. Seriously I'm fucking tired of this argument with others. Eating disorders are not about weight loss and VERY OFTEN result in weight regulation or even weight gain.

pt2 of ranty anon. And it’s not just peers that view it this way. It’s fucking “professionals” too. I was told by staff at an ED clinic they wouldn’t give me an NG tube, though they would to someone else who refused meals as much as I did, because I just wasn’t eating to feel sicker… I fucking lost a great deal of weight (I won’t give #s bc triggers) in the short time I was there before I was kicked out for not being “sick enough” to stay and recover… fucking relapsed THAT DAY.

Oh believe me I get it. This is a huge pet peeve of mine too. My weight has been all over the place and that has in no way indicated how sick I was at the time. When I went to Monte Nido I was at the higher end of normal and I have no doubt that contributed to insurance only covering 3 ½ weeks instead of the recommended length of stay of 4 months. There are 11 eating disorders and only one of them has a weight requirement in the diagnostic criteria. I am so sorry that you were able to get the help you needed either. I hate the perpetuation of the weight stigma among ed sufferers, insurance companies, and even some ed professionals. This is why I despise before/after pictures and claiming that lifting/running/veganism/paleo/etc “cured” someone’s eating disorder. Bullshit! You’re still obsessed with food and weight and worse your perpetuating that eds are about food and weight rather than a complex coping mechanism used to deal with underlying issues.  Its quite interesting that the majority of ed blogs on tumblr talk about anorexia rather than bulimia or BED or OSFED. I try to be vocal (on here) about the fact that I have bulimia as opposed to anorexia so that others with the disorder know that they are not alone.

I am doing a presentation on eating disorder for my supervisor (who is also a professor) in his pathology class. I have a whole section dedicated to the myths vs. facts of eating disorders and one of my points is that weight is only a symptom of an eating disorder and not what an eating disorder is all about.

Thanks for sending me this.