#(I feel a bit bad because this is re: one specific response to one specific posts I saw and I didn't want to start drama.)

[autistichalsin]

I know I am in the extreme minority, but there hasn't been a single change Larian has made to the game post-release that I have worse than neutral about, and most of them I consider moderate to extreme improvements. There are some added lines I didn't like per se, but I never liked those less than what was (not) there originally. Some examples (most Halsin-focused because those are the ones I pay the most attention to)

Neutral:

Changing Gortash's note

Allowing the Dark Urge to have a flirty line with Gortash (if that has been confirmed)

Changes to certain dismissal lines

Halsin's line if you show him Kagha's letter

Spawn Astarion's response if the player sleeps with Mizora

Some of the new lines for Halsin re: Baldur's Gate, Shadow Druids, etc

Liked:

Additions to the epilogue that let you talk to your (former?) love interest if you went to hell with Avernus, rode dragons with Lae'zel, etc

Other new lines for Halsin re: Baldur's Gate, Shadow Druids, etc

Scenes dealing with Vlaakith path Lae'zel ascending, the implications of this, etc in the end

Loved:

New kisses

Camp idle behaviors

The Halsin-Minthara ultimatum

The epilogue party

Halsin's expanded post-Drow discussion

Halsin's platonic path

The updated lines when spawn Astarion gets burned in the sun

Cuddling cinematic post-Drow foursomes/moresomes

The new bad ending sequence, both in terms of animation, and the fact that now romanced Minthara or Ascended Astarion who encouraged the player to take over are spared by the player (if anything, I feel they could change this bit MORE and give us more of the aftermath of the player thralling their friends and loved ones)

The new note in the epilogue from Archdruid Francesca, mentioning sending Ormn to live with Halsin at his commune

The new Speak With the Dead lines for Halsin if he dies to Orin instead of in the goblin camp

Karlach's ending with Wyll and/or the player in Avernus

The option to tell Halsin you want to join him at his commune

... Etc.

I can think of nothing off the top of my head that I think made the game worse. At worst I might go "strange to add that as it didn't change anything," I.E. Halsin's non-reaction to Kagha's note. I didn't hate it- I just felt it added nothing. (Maybe it's a way of setting flags for the dialogues specific to Halsin knowing about the Shadow Druids in case the player didn't investigate Kagha before finding him?) But I can't think of anything that made the story/my experience worse in any way.

I know people keep complaining that Larian is "listening to some fans over others" and such, but to me, I don't think they have done that? Very few of these seem in any way like they were influenced by fan complaints (and the few that were, were, in my opinion, definite improvements, I.E. the player/Wyll going to Avernus with Karlach, Halsin's additional post-Drow dialogue, etc). And of course, Larian has shown they also have no problem NOT adding things when it goes against their vision- they have repeatedly shut down requests for an expanded evil path, haven't added to Wyll's story despite very loud fan outcry, haven't made Halsin monogamous despite a very vocal group of fans calling for this on the Larian forums and Discord... etc. It clearly isn't number or loudness of the fans influencing 95% of these changes- it's Larian adding things that already fit in their vision.

I guess it is also baffling to me because I'm used to games that are either from series that have been dead for decades or are rushed out just as money grabs (Pokemon) with little attention given after besides minimal bug fixes and content for paid DLCs (cough, Pokemon). To see a game that reflects on their story (or just general experience, like their constantly giving Cazador buffs in tactician mode) and constantly changes what they think should be is, in my opinion, pretty admirable. I truly don't understand all the outrage- to me, it's a sign they care about their story and want it to be the best they can make it, even after people have already paid them for it.

I know i'm in the minority here, but the changes make me respect Larian a lot more than I already did.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?

i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)

and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth

but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)

so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol

-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)

Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.

I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.

🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck

[lakesbian]

@theiaphage ok i'm just going to make this into a post because tumblr replies have a really short character limit and i can go on At Length while im explaining alec vasil. the short answer is that:

Brian, Lisa and Taylor had their own dynamic.  They were friends.  He considered Brian a friend, but it was more along the lines of someone he could play video games with, talk about movies.  It wasn’t much different from if they were coworkers or roommates.  He smiled at the thought.  They kind of were, when it came down to it. Regent knew he was a background character, for the most part.  He played along, he didn’t make waves, he didn’t stand out.  He wasn’t close to any of the others.

(interlude 10) alec knows exactly where he stands with the team--i.e., that he's not close friends with anyone, and his relationship with brian is 'work friend i could talk about movies with.' there's no actual intimacy there, and he knows this, and he wouldn't cross the boundary of inserting himself into brian's personal home life to fuck with his car for A Bit.

the longer answer re what his dynamic with brian and aisha is actually like after she joins the team is this entire post which is good and i love. it's a crucial cornerstone of alec's character that he's deeply lonely. that's why his power is the ability to force people to help him or act like they care about, with the ironic twist that he can't force them to actually care about him, and he's aware how much they hate him the entire time. his entire life, he's been lonely and isolated and abused, he's been taught that no one will ever deeply care about him or want to support him, and he's learned his only options are either to be like his father and take it by force, or to just live as "a background character" and try to convince himself that he's okay with that.

so, it's meaningful for him that he has a light friendship with brian. it's not enough to change how isolated he is, it's not enough to change that he's not part of the more emotionally intimate brian-lisa-taylor dynamic he mentions. but it's a crumb of affection for a boy who's had virtually none for his entire life.

after he meets aisha, what i describe in the linked post happens:

brian doesn't get to be a teenage boy playfighting with another teenage boy anymore--now he has to be Brian Adultguy Laborn, Responsible, Firm-Handed Older Brother. he feels the need to place himself above alec & aisha, become an authority figure capable of keeping her safe. it's why they start eye-rolling and calling him & taylor "team mom and dad."

and the whole dynamic shift is so bittersweet because. alec is best friends with aisha. aisha is the closest he's ever been to anyone in his whole life. they have a deeply meaningful and intimate connection, one that's so powerful for alec that he ultimately decides that he'd rather die for aisha than live in a world without her. for the first time in his entire life, he's found someone who really gets him, and who trusts him to understand them back. but it comes at the cost of brian drifting away from him, not because of anyone's fault, but just because brian is traumatized in a specific way that means he doesn't know how to navigate aisha being on the team without treating alec poorly. over the span of just a few months he goes from playfully bantering with alec to sneeringly telling him to be quiet when the adults (i.e. him and some other people who are, like, 17) are talking. (& there's hints of this tendency of brian's even early in worm, when he like...chides alec for going 'woo triple headshot :)' abt his video game while taylor and brian are talking, but it's not even half as bad as it is after aisha joins.)

and alec does not react to this by clinging to him or by overestimating how close they are, nor by needing "a stern talking to" that educates him. brian tries to give him Stern Talking To's quite a few times in the book, and it's more or less always 1. condescending and unnecessary or 2. not unnecessary, but too condescending to be useful. and alec's reaction is never to go "oh ok i see sorry," even if brian is fully in the right--the way brian delivers it means that alec's ptsd toes are getting stepped allllll over and he reacts by just being dismissive and passive aggressively annoying until brian gives up/decides it's not worth the effort. i.e. exactly how alec has been trained to react to people scolding him as a child in order to minimize the vulnerabilities via which he could be targeted for abuse. guy who doesn't know how to express displeasure with someone without mimicking his shitty father & his tragic friendship breakup with guy who doesn't know how to react to someone expressing displeasure w/ him from a position of authority without responding like he's trying to avoid giving his shitty father a way to hurt him more than he already is. it's sad. :(.

[best-overplayed-song]

Re: Take Me To Church in response to anon-- a take by someone who first heard it a bit After it came out at the age of 20, was concerned it was overhyped, and on listening had to admit that it was in fact good. (Also disclaimer, I've got less context about like, Irish/English history and stuff than OP so uhhhh sorry this is just gonna be my own personal vibecheck)

Tw: sex mention.

A lot of my feelings on the song are more related to this bit: Take me to church I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife Offer me that deathless death and revolve around a. Possibly more sexual interpretation, so take that as you will (I was horny at 20 what can I say)

Okay first off let's talk about Why Church Is Horny. Religion and sex are both things that people often have a lot of feelings about. Christians specifically have even more feelings about sex, usually because they're saying it's bad. However, from a Catholic perspective, there's often a LOT of erotic imagery and stuff going on behind the scenes. See: lactating Jesus, saints' mysticism (for instance, Theresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena), and honestly just general medieval saints… people were SO horny for God. Plus, from an anti-sex Christian perspective, stuff still gets horny more often than you'd think. Milton was a Puritan, and that doesn't stop Paradise Lost from having originated Sexy Satan as a trope. All of which boils down to, coming from Christian, English-speaking cultural context a lot of your feelings about sex and religion, both of which carry enough baggage on their own, become intertwined.

So. All of that means you get the invocation of Christian stuff in the Bedroom anyway--lots of people say stuff like 'oh god' during sex, for instance. Think about the popularity too of the sexy nun trope, or even Destiel. A lot of people find desecration of the (Christian) holy, hot as shit, though it remains taboo.

For that reason! "Take Me To Church" being a song about sex?? About a woman referred to as a "lover," not a wife? Sex as worship? Get all those cultural hotbuttons pinged. (And that's just the first line we're looking at.)

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies Hoo boy. So, again, worship = sex? That's a lot as seen above. Invoking the dog imagery as part of deference to a woman also gets into stuff about gender roles, taboos, and the breaking thereof. There's a lot to unpack here-- deference of a man to a woman, of an animal to the holy, the admission that it is a shrine of lies, and tied into all that is the implied desire and consent to do these things. That's sexy!

I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife Shame is a strong feeling-- one that comes up a lot when we look at this religion/sex network. Telling of sins evokes the Catholic sacrament of confession. And then we get to the knife. I don't know how to explain my interpretation of this without getting real kinky so uh, let's just say that pain and blood can have significant associations with both Christianity and sexuality, and the use of the knife thing in this context brings in Yet Another hot-button thing.

Offer me that deathless death I always just interpret this as euphemism for an orgasm. But! That's not to belittle it. Could a deathless death also be an assumption to heaven? In the context of the previous line(s), it takes on so many alternate connotations it's insane. Has he been stabbed for his sins? (That carried penetration imagery with it fyi.) Has he been forgiven his sins and gets to go to heaven? Or is it sexual release? With the ambiguity the song leaves, all three are possible, keeping up all those threads of violence/pain, shame, ecstasy, sex, divinity, submission… there's A LOT here.

Anyway I'm gonna stop there cuz this is too long. I don't even like this song THAT much, I'm just here to explain why people do.

OH YEAH AND PS: ADD TO ALL OF THIS THE SHAME/RELIGION/SEX FEELINGS AND ASSOCIATIONS CAUSED BY THE LISTENER BEING QUEER okay bye

I loved reading your interpretation! Thanks for the breakdown!

[fandomfluffandfuck]

hello mr s, i come into your humble inbox filled with horny thoughts 🥴 imagine with me: what tells do you think (pre/post-serum) steve n bucky might have when they're close to orgasm?

(just some bonus thoughts to ponder) who would be more vocal between the two of them? chanting the other's name, or quietly gasping and groaning? do they lose control of their limbs or are they fucking solely on instinct? who is likelier to grab the other's face, desperately wanting to devour their mouth, and be devoured in turn as they careen towards their climax? 😩

whew! as always, thanks for aiding and abetting all these horny anons parading around your blog, i appreciate each and every one of y'all 💖

Hey, sweets!

I feel like you'll enjoy this ask that similarly talks about the different canon Steve's, but instead of tells for orgasm it's about lingerie!

I'm gonna twist this prompt a little bit and talk specifically about how they react at the moment of orgasm because... 😏 why not?

1. Pre-serum & pre-war Steve:

When I was considering what to write for this ask--it's a lot of detail because of the different versions I see of Steve and Bucky and how I think they grow and evolve--I immediately had this thought:

I bet pre-serum Steve holds his breath when he cums.

I have no idea why I think that. But. Brain just said so, so it must be so. That's why they call it a head canon.

Pre-serum Steve has heart trouble, and his body doesn't always want to stay with the program (re: he doesn't always stay hard), so Bucky and him have perfected the art of keeping his heart rate between high enough to keep his erection but not too high to trigger his arrhythmia. Additionally, Bucky and Steve have had plenty of practice stabilizing Steve's breathing to make sure that he doesn't have an asthma attack during sex. And somewhere along the lines of that...

Steve's evolved this response of lying limp and not breathing, going silent as he cums.

Bucky thinks it's hot as fuck.

Steve will be digging his nails into him--his artist hands are stronger and bonier than they have any right to be--groaning softly, tension all over in his body, trying not to make too much noise even though it feels so good, and then he'll tip over the edge--

And he'll have this moment.

His dark eyes roll back into his head, eyelashes fluttering, and his mouth falls open, but no sound comes out of him. He's entirely quiet. His chest doesn't stutter or heave. He's simply... suspended in the pleasure.

Frozen in the moment. Except, at the same time that he's frozen, he's consumed by flames.

Hot.

When Steve comes out of it, falling from his peak, his lungs rasp, desperate, like he might have an asthma attack right then, but he never does; Steve never says it hurts or feels bad. He shivers sometimes, gasping. Instead, he says it leaves him feeling spacy and good, just a little dizzy. It's good. Really good.

1. Pre-serum & prewar Bucky

Steve is the quiet one between the two of them. He's also the one who has more control over himself. So, while Steve goes silent and lies limp, reveling in the pleasure, just trying to take in the pleasure as it fries his nerves, Bucky is the one that more often than not needs a hand slapped over his mouth--his own or Steve's.

Bucky has a special weakness for Steve's hand over his mouth, or Steve's fingers in his mouth gagging him, giving him something to suck on. It's a double-edged sword, though. Muffled as he might be, if it's Steve's fingers in his mouth, he's absolutely going cross-eyed and moaning louder than he would've anyway. Little shit.

Still, Bucky just can't help but moan and groan and swear as he cums. He also tends to shake. Vibrate. It just feels really good. There's something about pleasure and Steve that brings the really, really raw edge out of Bucky.

Bucky's been with dames, when he cums with a dame, because of a dame, its different. It's still fucking good. It can be fucking great. But, no matter what he does with Steve it's always fucking great. When he's with a dame at least when he moans in her ear as he cums, she doesn't mind it and he's not totally afraid to be caught. Sure, nobody wouldn't sneer at them, they ain't married, but... it's not illegal.

Bucky moans in Steve's ear and Steve's thin chest heaves with desire, but Steve also shushes him, drawing his fingers through Bucky's hair where it hangs over his forehead, his sweat wearing out his pomade and curling the damp strands. He can't do that. Shut up.

So, instead of moaning into Steve's ear, because he can't be trusted to control his volume, Bucky moans into the hot skin of his palm. Hand over mouth.

Steve's flattered that he can't control it, that his jaw drops open and stays there. Lungs heaving. Throat contracting around those pretty sounds. Steve likes it. He desperately wants to hear more of it. He regularly has... particularly stimulating fantasies about taking Bucky away, somewhere else--the woods, great plains, or anywhere remote--and doing everything he can to be able to hear those moans loud and fucking clear. Sometimes, he wonders, his sadistic side peaking through, what he could do to get Bucky to scream.

2. WWii & freshly post-serum Steve

Throw everything out the window that you think you know about how Steve cums from the above drabble 👀

It all changes when Steve gets the serum. Suddenly, no matter what he does, he can't seem to get his body to get rid of his erection. He can't get his heart to stop racing. Booming in his suddenly large chest. But it never comes with any pain or dizziness. It's just... doing what it's supposed to?

And those two symptoms, a constant fucking boner and a pounding heart, are not even to mention how overwhelming everything feels now.

It's a riot under his skin whenever he gets aroused. Which. Is often.

He feels like he's become Bucky. He can't cum without biting his fist so hard that he tastes blood or stuffing fucking... any clothing item into his mouth to muffle himself. Why does he suddenly have to be so loud when he's in the worst fucking place to be loud? 😫 He's surrounded all the time. First, the USO girls, then soldiers, and, God, he can't catch a break.

He can't help the sounds. Whimpers and whines and moans. His voice goes all high and thin. He can't. It feels like he's on the edge of sobs right before he cums, then when he does cum, if he doesn't sob outright, he ends up squeezing his eyes so tight that they spill over anyway. And his orgasm always feels like it lasts and lasts and lasts--

The peak of his orgasm stretching out into this, this minute? This hour? This agonizing length of time that means he makes a huge fucking mess with cum. The serum made everything bigger, including his cock and balls, but it also made the volume of semen inside his larger balls increase. Steve's ashamed. It's so much.

It's so much.

He feels so much.

He moans, he cries, he cums and cums, and he breaks fucking everything. He rips his sheets, fisting them, going through them like paper; he breaks his cot, grabbing it too hard; he bends his dogtags, aching for something, anything to hold onto and scrambling, finding his tags and squeezing.

If he cums with a forcefully muffled sound and not the sound of something being ripped or snapping it's a fucking miracle.

He doesn't go limp anymore. He squeezes. Tension all through his body. Even in his feet, which curl until his soles cramp. Every orgasm feels like it's ripped up from the base of his soul. He's so easy to make cum and yet... every orgasm is devastating.

2. WWii Bucky

Bucky during the war is much the same as he was before the war except... infected with Steve's desperate, fucking urgent desires and polluted with his own brand of life-or-death urgency after being brought back from across enemy lines. So, now, he's just more reckless and desperate. His sounds get more guttural. Deeper. Drastic. He shakes harder and clings harder, too.

Silver lining, though, those louder, more deep, desperate sounds are pretty easy to muffle these days; all Bucky has to do is bury his face into Steve's tits. It's all he wants to do anyway. Motorboat Steve. Jesus Christ. He could suffocate between his fucking knockers. And when he's there, he's not as loud.

Perfect.

Although, however strong the urge to faceplant into Steve's pecs is, more often then not, after being separated and threatened with death, they now end up cumming face to face. Mouths open and panting together, sharing the same hot, humid air. Trying their damn best to choke back their sounds and... not being very successful. Bucky's gutted, rasping groans and moans. Steve's high-pitched, overwhelmed whimpers and gasps and moans. They're so fucking lucky the Howlies put up with their shit.

But, face to face as they are--grasping urgently at each other, distance having only made them more firmly attached to each other--just means Bucky gets a close-up on seeing how Steve's orgasm face has changed...

It hasn't.

Not really.

His eyes still roll back into his head, and his mouth hangs open, red, as his entire face flushes. It's all just turned up to eleven. It's just more desperate and needy and, God, is it pretty.

He's so pretty. He always was. (Not that Bucky would've said it back then.) A walkin' angel, but now he's here, and he's really Bucky's angel, saving his life and bringing him to his knees. Bucky is devoted to him, moreso than any holy diety. So, Steve can't get rid of Bucky. All Bucky can do is hang off of them whenever they're in private. Desperate to feel him.

3. Modern Steve before Bucky returns

The first few orgasms Steve has before Bucky returns are lined thickly with guilt and sadness and pain especially. Emotional pain mostly. He doesn't really... want to.

He needs to, but he doesn't want to. He takes to referring, internally, to these physical needs as "maintenance" orgasms. Maintenance because apparently, freezing a fella for seventy fucking years backs him up--his balls are swollen and achy and for the first year-ish he cums so much that he can't masturbate anywhere but in the shower.

It's even more embarrassing without a partner to go dark-eyed over it, biting his lip hard in an effort not to swear seven ways to Sunday, and get him through it until he's got nothing left to give because he's simply curious to see how much he has in the tank. How far can he push him?

Yeah. It's different without someone else there.

Just. He doesn't think...

It wasn't--

It wasn't this much when he came after he got the serum a lifetime ago. So, he doesn't really get why now, after his time in the Arctic, he's got even more cum but... he does.

And it's so much.

It's, like, a comical amount. Enough to drown himself.

It eases off, eventually, but Steve is still pretty sure it's even more cum now than it used to be. Passively, he wonders why, but he's not about to tell anyone (or, God forbid, ask a doctor about) how his jizz fluctuated upon waking up.

3. [I'm not going to talk about Bucky during HYDRA or when he's breaking his brainwashing for this]

4. Modern Steve after Bucky returns

When Bucky is back to himself, he's absolutely back to his old games...

He fucking loves what the serum did to Steve. He seems downright obsessed with making him get as many erections as possible and takes almost sick pleasure in getting him off every time he gets it up. Even after they're both sore and raw and exhausted.

Bucky fucking cheers, like a goddamn dork, the first time he gets Steve to cum so much that he cums dry.

Nothing left to give.

And when Steve cums dry, it's like he's hard reset--rather than moaning high and feminine and jesusfuckingchrist making these sounds that're so whiny and fuck-me that it's not even fair, as he shakes and clenches and breaks shit, he just breaks.

He falls entirely limp. Mouth open wide, gaped, drool shiny on his candy red lips and chin. He can't seem to make a sound. While Bucky's been at this, Steve's voice has gone in waves, getting hoarse, then the serum will knit him back together, good as new, then he'll moan himself raw again, and--

He can't make a sound, though.

He cums dry, and he cums silently, lying in a puddle of his own sweat, boneless. Surrendering to the current of overwhelming, forest-fire level pleasure.

It throws Bucky all the way back to the 30s/40s Brooklyn.

That's exactly what his lil Stevie looked like cumming. Strings cut. Desperately holding it all in, needing to maintain secrecy, their own little world. Pink head to toe. Blushing all the way to his ears and down his chest. Swollen lips. Hard, pointed nipples. Drooling, twitching cock.

God.

It makes Bucky want to make him cum like this all the time, stripping him of every inhibition until he can't even react to the pleasure anymore and falls entirely weak. As good as his over-the-top, entirely overwhelmed reactions to pleasure are... there's something special about finding something old and realizing it anew.

4. Modern Bucky after deprogramming

Bucky has his own entire journey with his body, obviously, and he learns a whole shit ton about how he works with the serum in his veins. How sensitive he suddenly is, not only on par with Steve in strength but also in nerves. His nerves feel raw, so much closer to the surface than they were before, and even that--even his skin feels more alive now. Just Steve's palm hot on the small of his back goes right to his dick. And his dick. Christ. He can go and go and go. Maybe not as rapidly, back-to-back-to-back as Steve, but he's also never been as into pain and discomfort as Steve so... that tracks. He also doesn't cum as much as Steve does, but that's an impossible measure. Steve floods like he busted a pipe when he orgasms.

[Insert that clip of Sebastian talking about the "game" Bucky played in Romania with his metal arm here 😏]

Sometimes, Bucky finds himself looking back, realizing that it wasn't just the repeated near-death experiences that made sex with Steve after Steve had the serum running through his veins feel different. More urgent. Primal. Now, now, now. It was his first doses of serum. Burning through him like alcohol. Raising his libido to a fever pitch.

There are still similarities from the past, though. Bucky's ability to control his volume hasn't gotten any better. It's gotten worse. His moans remain at the pitch they were during the war, ragged and desperate and raw because of how fucking good it feels.

It feels so goddamn good that Bucky starts this habit of curling into a ball when he cums. He wants to curl around his core, throbbing with want--white-hot, sticky, and too much to bear. He can't help it! It just happens. Every orgasm feels ripped out of him. Suddenly, he understands why Steve bent his dogtags so many times during the war. He understands why they broke so many cots. Why so many branches broke under Steve's hands. Why he had to sew his uniform so often, or get patches, lest he have to explain to command how he ruined his fatigues again.

Christ.

It feels good.

5. Nomad Steve

Steve's moans and whines and gasps disappear or fade into these rough, deep sounds. He starts fucking growling and Bucky doesn't know where the hell that part of him comes from but he pulls it out of Steve at every opportunity. He flaunts his body--softened by his time in hiding in a place with incredible tech and medicine and even more incredible food--until Steve folds.

Steve gives him that new fucking growl and stalks up to him and takes--

Bucky is going to figure out how to make a list of every person who has pissed Steve off over the years, every system that's told him to go fuck himself, and he's gonna write them a goddamn thank you letter. Whatever, whoever pulled the bastard out of his fucking boyfriend.

A bastard that makes Bucky scream, and then he laughs about it.

He laughs now, it's not that he didn't before, but he'll chuckle. Dirty and mean and then groan or growl and Christ.

It's hot.

It makes those little, softer, higher sounds so much sweeter, though.

Steve will be growling and giving it to him, bruising his softer, more plush body, getting mean on him, and Bucky will touch him just right--he'll scratch him behind the ear, where his long, dirty-blond hair is beginning to curl, he'll put his lips to work on his cock, pressed all the way down the hair at the base, lips and tongue working at Steve's hole between his round cheeks--and Steve will crumble.

His chest will heave, and he'll whine.

The sweetest little sound coming out of this huge, hulking man.

God.

That's when he's cumming. Right then. He cracks, crying out, and his head drops onto any part of Bucky that he can reach, forehead to his shoulder, face tucked into his neck, pressed against his tummy, anything. He shakes, clinging extra hard. Totally falling apart.

5. Wakanda Bucky

It'd probably the reason Steve and Bucky are Steve and Bucky--they balance each other out. There's something about the way Steve hardens that leaves Bucky melting.

Steve growls and groans until he doesn't, and Bucky takes to gasping, making all these sweet, breathy noises that he didn't realize he could still make. He thought he lost it somewhere along the lines of growing up and going to war. He thought the unending hunger now inside him since receiving the serum had him losing those noises. Apparently not, they just needed to be pulled out of him.

Pulled out of him, more like ripped out of him.

Ripped out like his screams. Raw and visceral. He's screamed because of Steve before, but now, if he doesn't entirely lose it and let it go (at least) every other time... it's strange.

Also, Steve's new, extra-intense propensity for being touched, needing to press into Bucky and be close reminds Bucky of a cat. A lion, maybe. No matter, Bucky responds in kind, he suddenly feels like he can only breathe when Steve is touching him. Some part of him has always felt that, but he clings. He clings. He trembles and makes sweet sounds and has to be so close as he cums. He can't. He can't. He still curls up around Steve, but he needs him. He needs to be as close as he physically can. And it still doesn't feel like enough.

It's the desperation of the serum all over again. They can't keep their hands away from each other. They never can, but, y’know... Bucky's never been more glad he doesn't have neighbors.

6. Retired Steve + Retired Bucky

Retirement leaves both Steve and Bucky reckless. Sweet reckless. Nothing matters. They can do whatever the fuck they want to do. Anything. Any discernable pattern of what it'll be like when they give into their urges goes out the window.

Sometimes Steve feels it boil up inside him, thick and lava-hot, and it comes out with a growl that he can't possibly control. Other times, it's an equally uncontrollable and needy whine or cry that's 100% pathetic. It comes from the same primal instinct.

The same need.

Steve just doesn't know what it is until it is.

And somehow Bucky's on the same page. Every time. Right there with him, feeling like being sweet when Steve is feeling like roughing him up, needing to be demanding and mean when Steve needs him to be, being what he feels and just fucking being exactly what Steve needs. Steve needs him so badly.

Bucky needs Steve so badly.

They oscillate rapidly. Nothing they do isn't good. Why wouldn't it be? There's no point in doing anything they don't want to. They deserve it. So they explore. They take the time to tear each other apart in every way they can imagine.

The other Avengers like to tease them for being scandalized by modern life, but only if they knew what retirement is for them. They know for a fact they would be the scandalized ones

I hope you enjoyed that. It was pretty rambling and not very structured, but 🤷🏻‍♂️ sometimes that's how it is

Also, yes! I love all the horny anons around these parts, lmao.

[nerves-nebula]

I hope this isn't an unwelcome addition re: your vent about race, but it reminds me of my own experiences.

I didn't know I was latino until I was 13. Yeah there were *very* strong "hints", what with the whole "grandparents only speak spanish with limited english", "parents can speak spanish", "we're brown (except for my mum)", & "eat spanish food at grandparents". But like. I had never heard someone say what we actually were and I was afraid it'd be racist if I assumed we were latino if we might not be. For some reason.

Hah, I remember getting kinda mad at people who (rightly) criticized the "ambiguously brown" trope in media, because it was the experience I most related to. That's what *I* was. I wasn't anything specific, I was just ambiguosly brown for most of my life.

So like. I finally asked my dad what we were and he was essentially like "haha what are you stupid or something. We're LATINO obviously, what a silly question!"

So I just went "Oh okay." And pumped the brakes on our conversation. Quickly after I realised that that wasn't enough for me. "Latino" is a rather broad category, I wanted to know what *exactly* we were.

I felt kind of stupid after that though, and I didn't want to draw attention to how stupid I was by asking a follow up question (nor did I want to talk to my dad), so I just didn't until I was 16.

I got to thinking about it again, and I realised that El Salvador had been mentioned quite a few times in regards to ~parent lore~ (I truly did not know much about my parents. I literally didn't even remember my mum had an older brother. So I'd just try to piece together their stories whenever they ranted to us about like how our other parent had ruined their life or something. Bits and pieces they'd shared with us over the years).

So I texted my dad about it (who I was thankfully far away from by then. Funnily enough this was one of our last conversations before I cut contact with him), and he said we were salvadorians 👍. So yeah.

But like. I feel so disconnected to my culture. I don't even know what our culture IS. And despite now living in a place with many latinos, I feel like I still can't get into it. Firstly because it would involve me interacting with people. But secondly (and most importantly) because I feel like interacting with latinos would just reveal to them how unlatino I am. I can't speak spanish. I know nothing about us.

One thing about it is that I feel like I have to learn Spanish before I'm allowed to try to engage. But learning a whole language takes so much time. And I don't like doing it because it reminds me that I don't already know it! And I *should*!

Oh well. Not like I could've learned it when I was younger, or in that house with my dad. I don't know why they didn't raise us bilingually. But it's not like I could've learned it when I was young either, my dad makes fun of my mum for her spanish (she spoke exclusively Spanish when she was younger, but had to learn English when she moved to the US at 8. She lost a lot of her Spanish since then), which would make me way too nervous to practice spanish and be bad at it at first with him around (he somehow didn't think that would impact us? He ended up wanting us to learn spanish, so good luck with that when you act like *that*).

Also. I keep worrying that I look white. I've always been light skinned, but until 8th grade I thought it was obvious I wasn't white?? But maybe not so. It's not like I can ask people.

In 8th grade the teacher briefly left the room and left me in charge of it (I was seen as the most responsible/trustworthy), so I made a joke about me turning out to be a dictator, to which someone joked about that being racist, to which I said "It's not racist, 'cus I'm not white" (in a manner that I *hoped* conveyed that I was *joking*, and that the joke was that poc can still definitely be racist (I mean c'mon just be around my dad, you'll see)).

And he just stared deadpan at me. I thought he confused me for white, so I kept reiterating that I wasn't, and he just stared and stared at me the whole time.

I realised later that maybe he thought I was being serious, and that was why he wasn't smiling, or maybe he just didn't think the joke was funny.

But like. I couldn't know. "Later" was actually quite a *while* later, so at that point I was already out of school at home all day, under the pretense of "homeschooling" (there was never any schooling).

I don't even know why it matters if I look white. There are plenty of latinos I know of that could pass as white, who I never doubt are latino. Ugh. I don’t know. This is an issue that could be solved by interacting with more latinos. In fact, all of these issues could be solved by hanging out with more latinos. I gotta get over myself sometime and realise that there are PLENTY of latinos who are disconnected from their culture and who don’t know spanish so it's FINE interacting with fellow latinos is FINE there's no way I can fail some sort of latino authenticity test. Whatever. Problems and solutions for later.

because I feel like interacting with latinos would just reveal to them how unlatino I am. I can't speak spanish. I know nothing about us.

hahh. sameee

This is an issue that could be solved by interacting with more latinos.

also same... UNFORTUNATE!

i getcha tho. and i also get the whole "not knowing what we are until i'm a teen" thing. ive always thought it was weird that my mom and dad know a ton about their own family histories but never really made much effort to impress it into us. EH oh well.

[msmargaretmurry]

"slow goodbye" leon/matthew

back at it again with the fic title prompts!! i have a few of these left and i am Determined to get through them by end of the long weekend. i was going to do more of them today but instead i went and bought a bunch of plants, and then i had to be responsible for all those plants. happens to the best of us.

(also, to the anon who send a pov flip ask like a month ago at this point — i promise i haven't forgotten about it! i will get to it. hopefully soon!!!)

ANYWAY: y'all can't get mad at me for this, because i didn't pick the title, and the title is CLEARLY for a breakup fic. i'm feeling something set during the 2022 battle of alberta series.

i think for this one i would lightly plagiarize myself by yoinking the structure i used for send me off to a foreign land, with play-by-play of that last game of the series breaking up the scenes leading up to it.

so matthew and leon have been doing the frenemies with benefits thing for a while — let's be cliche, let's let them have first hooked up at the 2020 all star game — hooked up one other time that season, then didn't again for a while because of all the covid chaos, and then started up again during the 2021–22 preseason and have been going pretty strong all season. they're not friends, not really, but they're both kind of soft at their cores, so hooking up a bunch has unfortunately fostered some fondness between them. and by "fostered some fondness" i mean that they're a little obsessed with each other. not that they'll admit that. possibly they won't even admit it to themselves.

the oilers get to town for the playoff series a couple days before game one and they decide, okay, let's just hook up once and then we're not talking to each other until the series is over. surely this is a good and fine plan and nothing could go wrong. leon sneaks off to matthew's for the evening, a process that is far too familiar by now. matthew offers him a beer, but won't be having one himself — he doesn't drink during the playoffs — so leon abstains as well. it feels a little weird because they usually have a drink first, but everything already feels kind of weirdly charged in a way leon can't quite put his finger on, so — whatever. they stare at each other in the foyer for a moment, and then matthew asks, "do you think this is a bad idea?"

leon says, "do you think it's ever really been a good idea?"

"fair enough," matthew says. they go upstairs, have some sex that is somehow tenderhorny and fucknasty at the same time. is it a teensy bit possessive? perhaps! there's just something about it that already feels strangely final. probably because whichever of them loses this playoff series is going to hold a grudge about it forever. possibly too much of a grudge to keep doing this. matthew is careful with leon's ankle without ever actually acknowledging out loud how transparently bad the injury is, which for some reason makes leon feel awfully vulnerable.

afterward when they're lying together all sweaty and naked, not quite cuddling but not quite not cuddling, after a long silence, matthew says without looking at leon, "i don't think i'm gonna re-sign in calgary."

"what?" leon asks, then, "why are you telling me this?"

matthew shrugs. "i don't know. i wanted to say it out loud, i guess. and i can't say it to anyone here yet. and i don't want to say it to my family yet. obviously if, you know, we win the cup or whatever, maybe i'll change my mind, but. i dunno. i think it'll be good for me to get out of here."

leon spends a long minute turning all of this over in his head and trying to process the strangely strong feelings he has about it. about matthew telling him — about matthew telling him, specifically, because he doesn't matter enough to keep it from him.

eventually he says, "well, you're not winning the cup anyway. because we're gonna kick your ass."

matthew snorts, but rolls onto leon to kiss him, and they don't wind up going again but they do make out for a very long time.

meanwhile in game five, leon is fully focused on the game, except for some fleeting moments between whistles when he finds himself looking for matthew. he's pretty sure matthew is injured, and he can't figure out if matthew was injured when they hooked up and he just didn't notice. the game is an absolute battle, lots of trading leads and tying it back up again, so he really needs to fucking focus. his foot feels like it's going to fall off. he wants to win so fucking badly.

and then — they do win. leon sets connor up for that otgwg and they are so relieved and so happy, and it's not until he's shaking matthew's hand in the handshake line that he realizes that the other night felt final because it was final. no one else in the world knows that matthew is probably leaving calgary, but leon knows, and he wishes he didn't. because if he didn't know, then he wouldn't have to wonder where he's going, and how much futher away it'll be.

he texts matthew after the game, even though he knows matthew won't want to hear it: good game. and good luck this summer.

matthew texts back: thanks. take care.

[synthmusic91]

quick thoughts on past lives (2023) dir. celine song

the movie is very. sparse. what was there was okay, not poorly executed, but nothing was really new. it felt like the movie wanted to send a certain message and pushed the characters through that rather than 1. letting the characters breathe and finding the message that way or 2. finding the characterization that would land them at the intended (and well-thought-out, right? right???) conclusion. sadly this didn't happen. the themes were quite muddled. past lives is a movie that seeks to be more than what it is and thus only succeeds in being dogmatic.

i know hae sung and na young were each other's childhood friends and first loves, but there's an entire life beyond childhood. why didn't they get over each other*? admittedly there might be a bit of a culture difference here, because I've never really understood the thing with childhood best friends that pops up so much in Korean and Japanese media, but. people grow up. hae sung's first love stopped existing when na young emigrated. for a movie that prides itself on pragmatism, it ignores that simple fact that should've been evident a quarter of the way in: na young is gone.

that's pretty sad, but then why was there twenty-four years of grief on hae sung's part, when he's never had to feel the ache of leaving his homeland? was his childhood really the crowning moment in his life, for na young to be the source of so many of his ideals? in that case, this should be a different kind of movie because this poor man's life must be bleak as hell.

also, this is in contrast to nora, who has every reason to mourn her past life IN KOREA. that's what this is really about, isn't it? she only looks him up as a joke (*so my bad, I guess she really did get over him). throughout the movie, the reason for her grief has little to do with hae sung specifically and everything to do with the pull she feels between the US and Korea.

then arthur. we don't see much of him but he poses a lot of interesting questions during that bedtime conversation that nora doesn't give any satisfactory answers to. like, how DOES he make her world bigger? nora's responses either 1. dodge the question or 2. sound like she's lying (because it's out of character given her behavior so far).

those last two paragraphs really solidify it for me: adult nora is a callous person. i don't know if this has anything to do with emigrating, but it really doesn't matter---what matters is that we know 1. she has grief and 2. she clearly hasn't processed it ("[re: being a crybaby] I realized no one really cared, so I stopped."). she's hiding from it!! she's been hiding from it for the entire fucking movie!!!

this is what irks me about a lot of relationships between white men and asian women in general (and in case someone crawls up my ass for this, i don't mean all of them, love is love, or so i'm told)---there's a lot of hiding on both sides. working to bridge the culture gap can function as a distraction from one's own issues. and there's an escapist and cowardly comfort in knowing that the other party doesn't understand how mundane and mortifying they really feel like they are. that's what I feel like happened between arthur and nora. to nora, arthur is evidence that she belongs in the US, and to arthur, nora is someone exotic and unreachable, and as long as they remain like that they can avoid thinking about how mundane their lives really are. arthur challenges this avoidance during the bedtime talk, but nora doesn't let it get anywhere. she is HIDING FROM HERSELF!!

unfortunately, since nora is a self insert, the writer/director doesn't notice ANY OF THIS!! and that's the thing about real life, and one's own experiences. these things don't fit into narratives!!! it's not as easy as recreating a single experience (in this case, her childhood sweetheart and her husband together at a bar)!!! that happenstance was the shell of an effect of a million different factors, not just a boy's tepid and half-formed feelings for a callous little girl. this entire movie is grounded in the ghost of an effect of something that might've touched me but didn't actually.

lastly, making her self insert always get the best grades in her class and also having that guy (who is kind and normal and NOT the deranged stalker that realistically would be the only kind of person hung up on her for 24 fucking years) be hung up on her for 24 fucking years all while she barely acknowledges his existence...is extremely fucking cringe

[utilitycaster]

Hiya. Been reading lots of your takes bc I'm curious. You mention the gnarlrock often but I'm struggling to be sure I've found your initial thoughts. Wondering if you had any gnarlrock posts before the ask from Kerosene-in-a-blender, as that's the first one that's showing for me when I search gnarlrock in the search bar (but we all know how great Tumblr search is.)

Would love a couple links if there's any particular ones you'd recommend.

Sure! I should note I've mentioned it a lot recently because interpretations of Imogen have been on the forefront lately. The greater context is that when Imogen was understandably upset that Laudna, after telling her she wouldn't break the gnarlrock, broke the gnarlrock, the response I received was "but it wasn't Laudna's fault" (technically mostly true but Imogen didn't know that so judging her on it seems unfair) or "but the gnarlrock was BAD for her" (still completely unconfirmed). However, when Imogen repeatedly muses on whether the Vanguard is perhaps right in front of Orym (husband, father-in-law, and himself all murdered by the Vanguard, which Imogen knows) or Laudna (murdered by the Vanguard, which Imogen knows) suddenly the same people who condemned her as a silly little girl who doesn't know what's good for her re the gnarlrock have boundless sympathy. [I'm saying that Liliana Temult is like if we knew for certain the gnarlrock were bad, and Orym, Ashton, and Laudna are all gently saying hey maybe this is bad for you.]

I found all of these by just going to my archives from mid-May 2022, when the episode aired, so feel free to dig in there.

Anyway:

initial reaction

Some specific discussion on Imogen (little bit more here)

Specific discussion on why Imogen's feelings are extremely justified

Responses to misinterpretations of the above discussion:

one

two (note: at the time we didn't know the specifics of Laudna's pact, only that she was level 2 in warlock so she did have one)

Discussion of the conflict between Imogen and Laudna

Some discussion both on the ship and the (at the time) fandom resistance particularly among shippers to the idea that Imogen is the protagonist, oh how the turns have tabled

Discussion of Laudna's powers and statements re: being a warlock

Discussion of the gnarlrock

[aqua-dan]

I’m sorry for like constantly filling up your inbox with question but I’ve figured out what Roy and Garth’s little misunderstandings were so you don’t have to answer that ask.

I also would like to admit that I think that I’m kind of a Roy.

Bare with me…

I often trash on my friends at any given opportunity. Any opening for a snide remark, any mean comment I could possibly think of in two seconds. If it’s clever and witty then I’ll squeeze it in and for any other person what I’m doing is seen as mean and for a while… they also considered me as rude.

I never really realized that I was actually overstepping someone’s boundaries. This is more geared to one specific person and I felt like really bad about it… because… the whole reason I was being like that in the first place is because I like them and I want to be close to them…

Like I considered them different from everyone else - I felt like I related to them and I felt like they could understand me - like they could understand the worst parts of me and if they over time got conditioned to being around me even when I’m like that then they could be the type of person who I can show all my ugly to as well.

It’s like weird - I don’t know how to describe it. In my head I seriously think that what I’m doing is like extremely and so obviously affectionate and caring. It’s like me insulting them is actually the most hilarious thing in the world because me thinking low of them would be the biggest joke to end all jokes… because I don’t think low of them - I really like them and I thought that was obvious.

I guess it’s easier to show that in a special little game made for them then it is to do it in a normal way because if I do that I’ll be showing my ass because if I was affectionate in a normal way and they didn’t like me then it’d kind of crush me and if I do it this way and they still like me than perhaps it’s mutual.

God, to think when they communicated to me that they didn’t think we were close enough for that then I felt like a damn idiot because I felt closer to them than literally anyone else. :(

It’s very twisted but my POINT is that lowkey Roy probably really likes Garth if my situation at all resembles that.

Ah, classic preschool bs, if he’s mean to you for no reason than it means he likes you but it is very true.

I think that people don’t understand RoyGarth because they refuse to see the implications. It’s not a bad or confusing ship at all. It’s misunderstandings and if they truly hated each other’s guts its not like that will ever effectively take away from the quality of the ship.

What Roy does for Garth is almost inherently affectionate and almost romantic seen through the right lenses.

Sorry for the tangent. This isn’t me venting AT ALL by the way - I’m just trying to connect Roy’s behavior to something and I know myself better than anyone so!

Hey! No worries, anon! I actually LOVE getting asks, and I'm always super appreciative for every one I get! I'm sorry also that I'm so slow to answer them. I get so nervous answering things sometimes because I don't want to say the wrong thing. I've been known to go and re-read whole series just in case so I can give the best response I can. But that does mean that sometimes asks sit around for a bit... oops. This ain't about me though, so!

Thank you genuinely for sending this! I think it's a really interesting take on this whole thing from someone who has clearly analyzed their own actions/feelings, and gives us a perspective that we may not otherwise see.

I do think it's really intriguing, both in real life and in fiction, how differently two people can view something and how actions can be interpreted/misinterpreted.

Again, thank you for being willing to share this! (And as a side note, I still am planning on answering your other ask anyway, but maybe as a comprehensive look at Roy and Garth's interactions)

[spaceyflowerswriting]

Hello! I came across your blog and read ur vin jin one shot and fell in love TT. If you dont mind could you write another vin jin one shot with reader on a study date? Thank you!!

studying, kind of (vin jin x reader)

details: fluffy oneshot, gender neutral reader but written in 2nd pov, general canon au, you and vin jin are dating

summary: you do your best to help your troublesome boyfriend study.

a/n: hi!! and no worries, thank u for requesting, anon <33 im really glad u liked my other vin jin oneshot ;_; its always fun writing him !! 💖

erm,, i kind of expanded on the study date thing but i hope this still works for u T_T

×

"Mary, S-O-fucking-S. My partner lied to me. They said we were gonna hang out!!!!!!"

"What?"

"They're forcing me to study instead!!!!"

"Lol deserved."

"NO!!! I NEED HELP!!!!!"

Vin Jin's phone nearly flew out of his hands when he heard you re-enter the room--your bedroom to be specific. He fumbled with it and then turned to you, totally not looking like he was up to no good. The second you smiled he melted and started to feel a tiny bit guilty for trying to escape. He pocketed his phone as you sat down next to him.

There was a plate of cut up apples with a fork and a glass of water in your hands that you set down on the low table between you two. He looked at them and then back at you with mild confusion.

"They're for you," you clarified, and he said a, "Oh, thanks!" before eating a piece of fruit. You took a moment to adore him before clearing your throat. He immediately paused his chewing as you began to speak, "Look. I know you don't want to do this, but if you fail the upcoming test, your grade is in serious trouble."

"So?"

The bluntness in his one-word response somehow caught you by surprise, despite how unsurprising it was. You just sighed a little. "That means you could be held back. Mary and I are going to move on without you."

"If you guys really cared, y'all would fail with me--ow!"

You left your hand on his arm where you had lightly whacked him, to give him a little shake. "I'm serious, Vin. Just once you have to get yourself together."

Vin Jin shrugged your hand off. "Okay, listen. I'm trying to become a rapper, right?" He stayed silently still until you eventually nodded and he went back to animatedly talking. "Right! So what the fuck has math got to do with rapping?!"

Internally, you groaned. "Nothing!! But you still need to graduate from this school!!"

"Why!!"

"So you can have a high school degree!!"

"I don't need that to be a rapper!!"

"Well, I want you to have one anyways!!" Before he could yell out another, "Why!!" (because you knew he would), you grabbed ahold of his face and had him look at you directly in the face. "Please, Vin."

He goes quiet and for probably half a minute, there's nothing but somewhat tense silence. Soon, he gave in, though. His hands clasped over yours and he replied, "Alright. Fine. Only because you're my lover."

You thinned your lips. At least he was agreeing now. "Just keep in mind this is also for your own sake."

"Sure..."

While he pouted, you grabbed your bag nearby and took out a bunch of materials, sorting through them and placing them on the table. "Grab your stuff, too, hun."

"Okay..."

His tone had you thinning your lips again, except out of sympathy this time. You poked his thigh to get his attention and said, "Before we start, I should let you know the plan. We're going to study for a little over an hour." You held your index finger up to stop him from interrupting. "But, we're going to take 5 minute breaks every 25 minutes. In other words, that's studying for 25 minutes 3 times, with 2 breaks totaling up to 10 minutes of break time. That doesn't sound too bad, right?"

A flurry of emotions went through Vin Jin's expression until it settled on indifference. He gave you a nod and you smiled.

"Good! You'll be okay, Vin." You leaned in to kiss his cheek and then set up a timer on your phone. You slid over your notebook next to begin going over the notes you took to prepare for the test.

He still seemed kind of grumpy as he listened, but your kiss definitely lightened him up. He also seemed to feel better after finishing up the apples and water you brought for him.

~

When your alarm rang, Vin Jin yelled, "Finally!" as he yawned and leaned into you. "I'm gonna nap."

"That's fine," you hummed.

He turned his head a bit to look at you. "Oh shit, for real?"

"Yes." You continued flipping through the textbook in front of you. "Short naps are a way to still be productive during your breaks for this method of studying. It's backed up by science or something."

"Damn, that's crazy." Vin Jin turned back. "Well, good night."

You chuckled. "Good night."

And that was how he chose to spend the next break as well. Looking forward to the nap actually somewhat motivated him, and so did your kisses. He occasionally asked for them as rewards whenever he was right when you quizzed him or whatever "I can't remember the answer... if you kiss me, I might though," was.

It seemed like the first kiss you gave him on the cheek earlier worked better than you thought.

~

After the third 25 minute session ended, you genuinely felt pride in your non-studious boyfriend for sitting through this with you. Of course, the only proper thing to do was give him a kiss on the lips.

"Good job, Vin, you made it!" You beamed at him after pulling away. "We'll do this throughout the week and then hopefully you should be prepared for the test by then!" Your smile faltered a bit when you noticed your boyfriend looking off to the side. A look of curiosity replaced your current look as you stared at him, not saying anything because it seemed like he had something to say.

His cheeks were a little flushed as he cleared his throat and muttered, "Geez, am I a kid or something...?"

Lighthearted laughter spilled from your lips. "I'm just proud of you! It looked like you were putting in effort, so I'm happy."

"Good, because I kinda was." He crossed his arms, still looking embarrassed. "A-anyways, did you say we're doing this for the rest of the week?" You nodded. "Alright. I guess it's not so bad if it's with you..." In an attempt to change the focus on him, he forced a laugh and finally turned to look at you, saying, "You're a lot better than Mary at teaching, y'know?"

You couldn't help but grin. "I'm sure she did her best."

"Well, her best sucks."

"Uh-huh." You shook your head, softly laughing before stretching a little. "So, what do you want to do now? We can get takeout or something as a reward for all your hard work."

"Really?!" This time he pulled you in to kiss your cheek. "I don't know why you're being so nice to me, but hell, I ain't complaining."

You playfully rolled your eyes. "The work-hard-and-recieve-a-reward system seems to be the only thing keeping you motivated to study so that's what I'm doing."

"Hey, now that sounds like you're treating me like a dog!"

"It's working though~"

"I change my mind, you're as awful as Mary."

The bickering continued even after you both left the house to get takeout of Vin Jin's choice. Things cooled by the time you two began eating though, and before the both of you knew it, nighttime had fallen.

Of course, Vin Jin spent the night at your place. To him, spending time with you was the biggest reward of all in this whole new studying schedule thing.

~

"Can you believe it, Mary?! They actually made me like studying. Fucked up."

"That's them, for ya~ I don't actually think you like studying, though. It's just hanging out with them, hehe."

"Ugh... whatever."

[nozomimi01]

Your OC Hope looks very intriguing and lovely, please tell more about her!! ✨️ e.g. is she in any specific media universe? is she purely human or some kind of higher being? (also belated happy birthday!)

OMG I'VE WAITED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS

(brace yourself this is a bit of a long read aha)

Here she is, da baby!! 💕

She has her own story in a completely original universe where she's the protagonist looking for her origins and lost memories. She's a human teenage girl with the very rare ability of seeing ghosts in a world full of other beings wielding magic!

She's often accompanied by her childhood friend, Lillia, who is a ghost and the dead daughter of Hope's adoptive family (kinda awkward at family dinners, yes...) Hope tries not to bring her up when in presence of her family but they all know she can see her... She and Lilia always shared an unbreakable connection, even more so after Lilia's death 😥

By the way, the braid she almost always sport is a sort of tribute to Lillia as she's the one who taught her how to do them 🌸

Hope got adopted at 6 years old, with no memories of her previous life except for this familiar feeling of knowing the family who welcomed her. She was taught to always be careful not to reveal her powers to anyone as her kins were all wiped out in a single night she later found out. Due to that, she was homeschooled until she was deemed to be responsible enough to not slip up and reveal her identity to others at 11 years old. Thankfully, she still made fast friends thanks to her bubbly and easygoing personality 🥰

Due to her powers, her eyes have a very recognizable gold color, forcing her to use eye drops that change their color to a blue tint. However, if she cries the eye drops will go away with the tears, dyeing the tears blue instead. (I thought it was so cool when I incorporated this lol) Because of that, she's always had to strongly repress her emotions in public in fear of being discovered.

ANYWAYS!! Flashforward to her first year of highschool where she joins a special group full of other teenagers, all very skilled and tasked to deal with monsters, evil spirits, and other bad guys to protect the common people!! It's very cool I swear!!!! She learns how to control her powers, discovers the extent of her abilities, makes new friends (and more if affinity 👀), and most importantly, a LOT of self-discovery and re-discovery hehe

And thank you for the birthday wishes 🥰

[halliescomut]

KP Week 2022- Day 2: Favorite Episode

So, I did spoil this a bit with a previous post, it was 2 am my time....so IDK know who saw that. I apologize for my poor quality gifs, but I talk a lot about the acting, so I wanted visuals. Any gifs not made by me are credited with the gif. So here we go!

My favorite episode is the second one.

It might be a bit controversial, and I'm by no means saying it's the best one, but I do think there's a lot of good moments to be had. Like, I love the amount of levity in the episode, but there's also some pretty crucial world 'build'ing happening (pun intended). I love Porsche's response to everything that's happening, it's very realistic and gives more dimension to his character. Like, he doesn't want this, and his reflex to escape this new job he hates is to kind of be as bad at it as possible, both intentionally and unintentionally. I also love to the introduction of more characters, Pete especially, because I truly adore him. By the end of the episode we've been introduced to almost every character of importance (if memory serves the only person we have yet to meet is Kim).

You see a lot more of the interactions between equals, so not just a Theerapanyakun who's in charge of whatever space they're in, interacting with those of 'lower status', but far more peer interaction. We start out with Porsche's introduction to the other bodyguards, where there's a great deal of antagonism, some of which is a test/hazing, but clearly from some there's more personal reasons *cough* Big *cough*. We also get more Daddy Chan (TM), which is greatly appreciated. (gifs from Homiesexual Solidarity and you know why they're here)

Pete's introduction is such a delight, and upon re-watch, when you know where his story is going, is also a very interesting choice. (gif from Rainbow Press)

He's meant to be a bridge for both the audience and Porsche when it comes to understanding the mafia world, and what his expectations should be. We also get a lot of interaction between Porsche and other staff, and while we rarely see the Theerapanyakun family be rude to any of their domestic staff, Porsche very specifically is very respectful. He's not there to fuck up anyone else's livelihood.

Our next big scene is the shooting range, where Kinn and Porsche's power struggle becomes the front and center story. It's hilarious, because of the 'wasabi prank', but the undercurrents there are very telling. The reality is that Kinn and Porsche have both had to be the responsible ones for most of their lives, and not even just their adult lives. We can hazard a guess that Kinn was likely still a teenager when it became clear that Tankhun was not going to be the next head of the major family. So while Porsche sees them both as equals, Kinn is consistently trying to push him, force him into a place of subservience, and he's fighting it hard. (You can visit Lutawolf's page for more direct commentary on their power dynamic in regards to their romantic/sexual relationship.) The apple scene is worth several re-watches, because the acting there is top notch. Kinn's actions demanding that Porsche submit/trust him, because he's due it based on his position. But Porsche has never really been able to trust (read also: rely on) anyone and why on earth would he put that trust in Kinn so easily? (vid from creepymoony)

He knows better than to show weakness in front of Kinn, but he's not been raised to hide his feelings or thoughts, and so eventually those feelings break out. For all of his work hiding things from Porchay as best he can, he really does not have a high level of emotional control (which is also well shown through this episode) but his show of control here rather than allowing Kinn to see any weakness or fear is very well done by Apo and very much in character, since Porsche does seem to generally be a fake it 'til you make type of person.

The training montage is amusing, but very good world building for the show, as we both get to see Porsche show his skills and demonstrate his determination to prove himself. Porsche takes a great deal of pride in his skills, and he's competitive. He may not take every part of the training seriously, but we do see him actively working when it comes to the physical skills of being a bodyguard. This set of scenes also enables us to more fully understand the expectations that are placed on all of the bodyguards. They're all shown as competent before we get into the more frivolous activities of Tankhun.

I have quite a few problem with the fallout from Elizabeth and Sebastian's unfortunate passing, because the reality is I was raised in a lower class household, and I very much hate the decision of Tankhun to humiliate Porsche as punishment. The whole scene makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so much so that I can't even enjoy Porsche in his mermaid outfit, which is unfortunate.

I understand Tankhun being upset, but I do also think that they give him a lot of leeway in his behavior that's honestly probably not healthy for him. (I also don't fully buy into Tankhun's 'crazy', I do think at least part of it is an act.) I do think that Kinn 'rescuing' Porsche is an important stepping stone in their relationship. I definitely see some discomfort in Kinn's face during the scene, but he knows how to handle Tankhun efficiently, which is important here. He's kind of ripping the band aid off as quickly as possible, but there's still some pain there.

The suit scene is fascinating to me, because we know there's a draw for Kinn that's throwing him off with Porsche. But this glimpse into Porsche recognizing this connection is very interesting. Porsche knows when someone is attracted to him. The man is a hoe (affectionate) and very emotionally intelligent, he's not missing those cues from Kinn. (Image credit to thetheea-rossa)

But they're both fighting that physical attraction because they don't like it each other personally. They both feel the other doesn't respect them, but they are coming to that conclusion from their own disparate experiences, which are expertly expressed by this tumblr post:

Then this happens, which is one of the best things I've ever seen, and the comparison to Miss Congeniality that I saw will live in my mind forever. (Gif credit to: Ai Kinn)

The launch party is an entire clusterfuck, Porsche is back intentionally making bad decisions out of spite, which does backfire wildly. Anyone who's worked a service job that they hated truly understands this desire to be so absolutely crap at that their job to the point that they get fired, but Porsche is forgetting a key component here, which is that the mafia doesn't 'let people go'. His reaction to recognizing the consequences of his bad decision are also very clear. Porsche doesn't want to be there, but he also doesn't want Kinn to get hurt. It's not Porsche's intention, and he truly does feel guilt about it, but his stubbornness is still firmly guiding a lot of his decisions. We see fairly regularly through the series that Porsche isn't necessarily a long-term thinker. (Personally I think that meant to set him apart from Korn and his chess game.)

Our final scenes introduce the minor family. We meet Vegas (sort of) and get confirmation regarding at least one person who's making active attempts on Kinn's life. The conversation with Fancy Lady Assassin does show that it may more accurately have been an intelligence gathering mission. I really read that scene to show that her actually succeeding in killing Kinn would have been a bonus, but wasn't necessarily the true objective, at least for Vegas.

And then we meet Gun and Macau as well, see the dynamic both personally and professionally between the major and minor families. Kinn truly makes some intentions clear, though not maybe entirely purposefully here. Kinn choking Porsche and the reactions we see from Korn and the minor family are very telling, especially upon re-watch with more context. On Kinn's part, he's clearly intending it to be a show of strength, one more example of him being willing to get his hands dirty as it were, which is something that the minor family insinuates he's not willing to do. But we also start to see suspicion on the part of Vegas and Gun. The minor family is shown to treat their bodyguards and staff more casually, but they also seem far more willing to sacrifice them, so Kinn making the decision to protect Porsche here is an interesting tidbit for them. Korn's decision NOT to be the decision maker here is another telling moment, clearly causing more suspicion in Gun. Gun's probably thinking why are you protecting this stranger? For myself, Korn is being manipulative as always, and he's watching Kinn fall in line to what he wants, at least for now, so what reason would he have to interfere. Depending on what you think Korn's endgame is, this can indicate anything, really. I'm not entirely sure it's a case of 'I just want to protect and care for my adoptive sister's son' though.

But just watch y'all. The depth you can read from this, especially on a re-watch:

Pete finally getting through to Porsche, getting him to understand exactly how close things were to definitely not going his way. And he manages to include just little bit of more info about Kinn and his motivations. Kinn is clearly liked by the people that work for him. For pretty much every interaction you see, there's respect and deference for Kinn, but not fear. And outside of Porsche, you don't see Kinn intimidating or even being rude to any of the employees around the compound.

The apology scene is really interesting to watch, as you see ACTUAL COMMUNICATION between Kinn and Porsche. Up to this point they've both been playing a role, but here there's a genuine inquiry from each of them. "Is this the real you?"

Here they're both on equal footing because they're alone, they both know that there's a persona they're projecting out of necessity, and they both want to see behind those personas. But there's still hesitation because of the lack of trust. And it becomes a bit of a vicious circle, because without taking a risk and being truly honest, even in small ways, they can't build any trust.

Porsche get traded to Tankhun for Pete, which isn't really much of anything, but it's clear that Kinn does see this as a a sort of punishment, though a very lenient one. But I will say, I don't think that Kinn would have made the trade if he didn't actually trust Porsche to protect his brother. Kinn's a deeply caring person, we do see the expressed regularly in the series, so we can extrapolate that he truly loves his siblings, and he certainly wouldn't make a choice that he thought would put Tankhun at risk.

Our final scene of the episode is a juicy one. we have Gun recalling a conversation earlier in the day with Korn, clearly trying to get even the smallest bit of information about Porsche, after the meeting/choking. His spidey-sense are all a-tingle, and he knows there's something deeper going on. He gets nothing more than confirmation that there's definitely something going on and put Vegas in charge of looking into it.

Re-watching this scene multiple times, I got say I'm fascinated by the relationship there, because Gun is a terrible father, truly, but he trusts Vegas more than ANYONE just because Vegas is his son (I'm assuming that's his reason). But he has a direct familial relationship with Korn and he wouldn't trust that man as far as he could throw him. Like, it's not a blind faith in Vegas, but Vegas' loyalty is never questioned by Gun, even when Gun's motives are question by Vegas. Simply fascinating.

I really like this choice as a final scene, because it sets us up as the viewer to know that there's definitely more secrets in that house than there are guns, and it also gives us a heads up that there's going to be a hidden motive when it comes to anything Vegas does in the coming episodes. It's just some really engaging storytelling, you know?

But anyway, we'll consider those my final thoughts. FYI, this post is over 2,000 words, I was not kidding when I said I put more into it than some of my college level papers. Also, it might have been longer, but my browser crashed as I was finishing everything out and adding the gifs, and so some of my thoughts have been lost to the sands of time and the whims of Google Chrome. If you actually read this whole thing...here's some behind the scenes wet Mile (courtesy of daikunart). Thanks.

[pantherlover]

A Local Habitation Re-Read: Part 3

Hello again! As always, these commentaries are not spoiler free, and please come talk to me about stuff! It's way more fun that way!

Chapter Eight:

I keep forgetting how much I loved Toby having Tybalt's jacket. (Also lol at Toby going 'the scent of Tybalt's magic comforting for some reason. This is for sure a thought that I don't need to dwell on Ever')

I really like the idea of inanimate objects having Opinions about being enchanted. It feels like an offshoot of knowes being alive.

I would love to know more about Dryads and whether April having control over how old she presents herself (at least I assume she does; I know she looks older at the end of this book, and I'm pretty sure she looks younger again when January gets brought back) is a Dryad thing or a being part computer thing.

Everything that Toby says about how the Daoine Sidhe are viewed is really interesting given that we now know that she's not one. She says that they're mostly known for being bloodworkers, but I think for most of the series they're better known for their illusions (and for overwhelmingly being the ruling nobility)? I wonder if she thinks that Daoine Sidhe are more associated with bloodworking originally because that's what she and Amandine are associated with.

Relatedly, she says that the Daoine Sidhe 'didn't sign up for the position of "most likely to handle your corpses"'; given what we know about Eira now, I don't think that's true at all. Considering how often Eira (and all of her children) were responsible for death, it actually makes a lot of sense that they'd be able to steal a person's secrets/memories after killing them. (That's SUCH a grim thought; that after a taking a person's life, Eira would be able to take from them anything they wouldn't give her)

Chapter Nine:

Okay, their (probably specially designed) security cameras were turned off, the bodies had wounds that were likely made with the machine *they* were designing, and Toby tells them that the blood no longer contained memories - you know, the thing that they were specifically trying to do - and it still took them THREE MORE DEATHS to admit what might be involved in killing people?? They are putting *effort* into being in denial about this.

Toby always worries that she broke Quentin when he charges head first into danger, but he's asking to stay and help roughly 30 seconds after seeing his second and third bodies, so I don't think Quentin's self-preservation was as well developed as she tells herself it was.

Chapter Ten:

I don't think Gordon's actually too bad at diverting suspicion from herself, although she does hit 'the lady doth protest too much' levels a couple times. The most suspicious thing about her is probably that she's never the first person to find the body.

I love April kinda-sorta conveying appropriate emotions (presumably to optimize people's responses to her requests) but not quite caring enough to seem genuine.

Chapter Eleven:

It's weird for Toby to not automatically arm herself. I give her a lot of grief for her lack of common sense, but I will admit that there are lessons that she's learned.

Although Toby definitely shouldn't be giving anyone shit over not being sensible.

'Three of us jumped at every shadow, while Gordon just walked blindly on.' Okay, that's also really suspicious. I know none of them are great at staying in pairs, but everyone other than Gordon was at least a little bit nervous about it. Gordon being the only one to point out that being in pairs isn't helpful if one of them is the murderer also feels a little ironic, like she's thought it through more than everyone else because she had to. I might just be projecting a bit on that because I know she's the murderer though.

I feel like this situation where April has to be rebooted is demonstrating a flaw in their plan to digitize everybody. (Also, did anyone guess that Seanan McGuire would predict the Metaverse?) Even if you could digitize most of Faerie, *someone* still needs to be on the outside to make sure that the system is running. That's a lot of trust to put in someone to not just shut everything down and effectively kill everyone who was 'downloaded' onto the server.

It's possible that Toby was so bad at picking up clues in this situation because Alex's enchantments was making her more willing to dismiss anything suspicious.

That's it for now! Please feel free to come talk about things with me.

[relaxxattack]

idk if you care about postcanon much but am i the only one that things that like....the base concepts from the epilogues couldve ended up being really good if they just. stuck to that, and maybe did away from ult selves???

like, in my mind the idea of post canon collapse and specifically dirks response to that was a very clever and in character concept and we'll never see what it couldve been with a little focus

ouurrrghhh the epilogues are so like. yes they Could Have been good; the idea of resolving wtf happened with lord english and vriska is GOOD. but the execution (and everything else) is just.... absolute Hell

the end of homestuck was, as everyone knows, kind of rushed because hussie was so burnt out, and as a result theres a lot of things that had Obvious unfinished bits. like, jade taking on the suffering of the retcon timeline is literally never addressed? jakes self esteem mental breakdown thingy is never talked out? dirk doesnt process his self hatred verbally? terezi doesnt get closure about vriska? dave never gets to actually come out to his friends despite really importantly and sweetly building up to it for like 947538 acts? karkat and kanaya dont get to fully explore that whole saving their race thing? kanaya and rose's relationship in general felt like they didn't get the closure they deserved after act six ...

homestuck was a story about characters talking things out with each other (sometimes way too much), and thats what made it earnest and sweet.

that was missing from the end of the story, instead getting replaced with a Big Epic Battle and some endscenes. and yes, the credits imply that things went happily, but like, they don't actually give Emotional Closure on those issues because the characters didn't get to talk them out the way they always have.

the epilogues in my opinion should've picked up where homestuck originally left off. OR, if they REALLY wanted to keep their earth C horrible political soap opera angst next gen clusterfuck, they could have at least kept adding "YEARS IN THE PAST, BUT NOT MANY..." chapters to re-address any of those left off plotlines.

like, yeah, homestuck was Good, and yes, i cried at the end. but they had a chance with the epilogues to go back and undo the mistakes of an author who was too tired to really help the characters reach their full potential, and instead they bashed every single character and made them into bitchy plot-drivers to create angst without personality. (like, FUCK can we talk about how jane and dirk's epilogue characterization goes against their entire character arcs? about how roxy's gender thing kind of spits in the face of all her obvious transfemme coding from hs proper and also makes dirk out to look like a dick for no reason?? can we talk about how jade dave and karkat all get reduced to only their love lives instead of any of their actual character struggles?? but that's another conversation)

conclusion: epilogues bad. they had some good concepts yes. commander karkat also fucks. but the epilogues just don't feel like homestuck. they aren't fun like homestuck and they don't scratch that magical itch homestuck does where it weirdly warps around through time to answer every question in a neat little bow. intead they just make more problems and more questions, forever.

[the-chihayafuru-landslide]

[ MORE THOUGHTS ] The Taichihaya Kiss 

An addition to this post read it first!

These are not actually my thoughts but aimeeeface on twitter! She tweeted these and tbh she made some great points that I hadn’t even considered so I got her permission to share what she wrote here!

love this analysis so much. actually have been analyzing + re-analyzing this one scene to a friend for days bc yes, it's wrong and problematic but i also think it accomplishes - visually- what he's trying to convey to her. that at this point he no longer has the energy to convey. aside from the fact that the alternative - an honest conversation - requires a vulnerability taichi does not have the mental or emotional capacity to handle at this point so soon after the last time he was vulnerable with her, i think the other details you pointed out (the way she grabs him, her forceful words regarding him not quitting specifically for her, her tears) play a huge role in how he chooses to react to her. what i focus on is the specific details of the kiss itself, how he fast and desperately he goes for it, how it looks like he pauses the second their one lip touches, how fast he backs away - like he gets driven to this point where he absolutely crosses a line, somewhat recognizes that this is Wrong, turns away and delivers that line to her. taichi losing it, the way that entire interaction is v unlike the taichi she knows, and his words affect her and she realizes he's actually hurting that much. i also like that chyfr doesn't romanticize that scene, it's not the big criminal act taichi haters turn it into but it's also absolutely wrong and you're supposed to be horrified he does it and somewhat relieved it doesn't go far. i hadn't considered it as build up from the taichi cup (where i you're right, she not only gives off mixed signals but also carelessly offers his kiss without his consent, in a way like maybe he gets the impression she doesnt think it matters to him who he kisses) but that makes a lot of sense. at the same time, much like the rejection, he expects her response before she even gives it, he definitely wasn't trying to kiss her long enough to get a reaction out of her but it represents the split second he, essentially, loses his mind. i think taichi is a flawed character and he makes mistakes, but turning this problematic moment into some violent crime isn't the way to go, and i feel people don't discuss him with nuance or allow him to make mistakes more than other characters, so i appreciate your analysis. some people do stupid things at peak emotion, and it's not a justification but i think it does drive the story from here bc that whole scene, not just his words but how uncomposed he is in that moment, is when she starts to see him as a fallible human.

I really like this addition b/c again it’s completely fine to be uncomfortable with the kiss - I think that was the point. However, the kiss was a mistake made in a moment of desperation and should Taichi never be allowed to ever come back from this? TBH we are all imperfect human beings and we will all make mistakes.

AND TAICHI FEELS BAD ABOUT HOW HE LEFT THINGS WITH CHIHAYA!! He really does. The guilt is apparent when you look at this:

Like not only did he leave things badly BUT THEN HE EVEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO FEEL GOOD THAT CHIHAYA WAS HURTING TOO!! Like be honest when someone hurts you do you not feel a bit of satisfaction when you can hurt them back? It’s such a believable and human flaw but Taichi truly thinks the worst of himself because of it. “There’s no coming back”.

Him quitting the club hurt him too you know… He missed out on the last year being able to play WITH HIS FRIENDS AS WELL! :( But people only think that Taichi was being manipulative because she rejected him? Bro he was on the edge of quitting before that if you hadn’t noticed. If Chihaya had accepted him honestly it would have ended up disastrous for both of them. It was not Chihaya’s job to fix Taichi (even though she wanted to help him by making him smile). This was a journey he had to go on himself. Him tethering himself to Karuta for Chihaya’s sake WAS VERY BAD. The rejection while heartbreaking was necessary b/c he needed to stop doing things for Chihaya’s pleasure only and do things for himself too. I will also be honest I hadn’t even considered the fact that Chihaya had offered up Taichi’s kiss without his consent. Even I am fallible to the double standards of sexism. Because let’s be honest if Taichi had offered up Chihaya’s kiss as a prize without her consent most people would have been up in arms about it. But because she only sees him as a “friend” it’s somehow ok? Ehhhhh. Or maybe it just slipped under people’s radars like it did mine.

Anyways I kinda just said what Aimee said in my own words cjkhackacn. All that is to say is that Aimee made SOME REALLY GOOD ADDITIONS SO THANK YOU FOR SHARING!