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jasper-book-stash · 1 year ago

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February 2024 Reading Wrap Up

I finished off my reading challenge with time to spare! So let's talk about the books I've read this month. I'm making this up before the end of the month, because I don't foresee myself finishing up my current book in the next few days.

Religious Text

None applicable.

1/10 - Why Did They Publish This?

A Book of Pagan Prayer | Ceisiwr Serith

This book sucked ass. Fucking Robert Graves in the bibliography, treating any "non-Abrahamic" (meaning not Christian, Catholic, or Jewish in this context) as Pagan-with-a-capital-P, a baffling usage of Zoroastrianism, using "Indian" instead of "Indigenous"/"Native American", misusing "shaman", the baffling choice to have a prayer that you need to use to prepare yourself to pray, sloppy editing, self-contradiction without realizing the author did that, and, dare I say, an overly-Wiccan syncretic approach.

I genuinely have no idea how it got published.

Hands-On Chaos Magic: Reality Manipulation through the Ovayki Current | Andrieh Vitimus

I damn near threw this one across the room within the first nine pages. Why are you citing a WHITE WOMAN when talking about hoodoo? Why is J K Rowling's Harry Potter book in the bibliography? Why does the bibliography suck overall?

2/10 - Trash

None applicable.

3/10 - Meh

None applicable.

4 to 6/10 - Mid-Tier

Witchcraft For Everyone: A No-Nonstense Guide to Creating Your Own Magical Practice | Sam Wise

I wrote my thoughts on this one in a separate post.

7 to 8/10 - Good With Caveats

From Sanctity to Sorcery: An Author’s Guide to Building Belief Structures and Magic Systems | Angeline Trevena

This is a perfectly passable book talking about religion and magic systems. But I still prefer Timothy Hickson's "On Writing and Worldbuilding" books and YouTube series (under the YouTuber name Hello Future Me).

Zendikar: In The Teeth Of Akoum | Robert Wintermute [reading challenge]

I'll admit, this one was a dredge to get through. I much prefer the short-and-sweet version of the story found through the WOTC website (or, even better, MTGLore.com). But hey, Nissa at least gets time to shine! She deserves something nice.

Memories & Memoirs: Essays, Poems, Stories, Letters by Contemporary Missouri Authors | Sharon Kinney-Hanson

This wasn't for a reading challenge, but rather, it was my book club book for this month (our theme was "biography"). I chose memoirs instead of an actual biography because I genuinely don't care about a lot of people who have biographies written about them.

But there was something...nice about this. It was nice, reading stuff by people like you in the place you live (admittedly 24 years ago). It's an experience I don't often get - not a lot of people set their stories in Missouri, and even less are from Missouri themselves. The best we usually get is traveling characters stopping to appreciate the St Louis Arch. So it was nice to be...seen.

Diadem: Worlds of Magic: Book of Names | John Peel [reading challenge]

This book has been on my TBR list for ten years, and I've finally read it. And it's pretty good! You can definitely tell that it's made for a particularly young audience (probably preteen at most, as the main protagonists are 12-ish) and is a product of its time (the mid-1990s). Baby (cough, preteen) Jasper would have gone hogwild over this, if they had bothered actually reading it when they got it. But to Current Jasper, it doesn't hit how they would have liked.

9/10 - Very Very Good

Snow White with the Red Hair, volumes 13-20 | Sorata Akiduki

Volumes 13 to 19 were 9/10, and volume 20 hit 10/10, but I'll just bundle them all together here. Snow White with the Red Hair is an ongoing manga series about a romance in a fantasy world (though notably, one that doesn't seem to actually have magic, merely fantastical creatures and plants). The main romance is a woman on the run from her home kingdom after her prince became obsessed with her due to her red hair, and the second prince of the neighboring kingdom, though neither really know each other when they meet. At this point in the story, they're fairly dedicated to seeing each other despite the woman working hard to be a proper royal herbalist (following her dreams) and the prince dealing with the politics of his older brother (who recently became king) and his land along with a dedicated loyalty to the woman.

It's surprisingly sappy and adorable, despite the fact that I don't typically read romance. These two characters and their friends have wormed their way into my heart.

Hide | Kiersten White [reading challenge]

Kiersten White is an author I recently started reading, and I absolutely adore her writing. In Hide, she captures the exact feeling of being a broke queer person in a conservative small-town and the danger that comes with it. Along with a more supernatural danger.

Can't Spell Treason Without Tea | Rebecca Thorne [reading challenge]

This is a damn fine story with damn fine characters, a loving and already-established relationship (where there's no "will they break up" drama), and a fascinating set of magic systems. My only real complaint here is that the stakes are much higher than what I expected from something marketed as "cozy fantasy". The settings and vibes often were more cozy, but there were higher stakes than what I expected, what with the dragons and the queen and- Well, it was a good book. It was inspired by Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree, but don't expect the two to be the same.

10/10 - Unironically Recommend To Everyone

Well, everyone who's into the genre these fall under, at least.

Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe | John Boswell

This is an incredibly in-depth look at exactly what it says it is - same-sex unions in premodern Europe (stretching back to ancient Greece and Rome) with comparisons to opposite-sex unions of the times. If you're interested in one or both sides of those, pick it up. Just be ready for the long haul; this book is 464 pages long and has multiple appendices.

#jasper post #books #bookblr #authors #reading wrap up #2024 #february 2024

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stacywaters · 2 years ago

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Hidden Behind a Smile (JIN) CH5 - The Message

(SEOKJIN POV)

I walk into the shop, immediately noticing Y/N slumped over at the register. I walk over.

"Hey! How'd the fan meet go?"

"Ugh," she groans, "I totally embarrassed myself in front of Jin. Again. Last night was a whirlwind of emotions."

"Really? What happened?" I ask.

"So, the other members all went fine, but when I saw Jin I like, stopped breathing?" She chuckles, "He was so gorgeous, you wouldn't even understand, J. He was wearing this red shirt, anyways! So when I got to him, I was so focused on him that I wasn't looking where I was going and totally tripped in front of everyone."

"Oh no!" I said, grinning like a fool beneath my mask that she thought I was so attractive she tripped.

"He was super nice about it though! We joked for a bit and then he signed my album. He was even more amazing than I thought he'd be..." She trails off.

"Is that it?" I question. Surely she noticed my note, right?

"Yep! That's all." She smiles, "It was great though! Thank you so much for the tickets."

"Did you read what he-, what the members wrote to you?" I'm completely fishing at this point. Saturday is tomorrow! I need her to read it if my plan is to work!

"No, I figured they just write their signature or something"

"Really? Well I heard that they write little notes on the photo books. I've seen screenshots of people who's idols even asked them out or gave the fan their phone number! Hey, maybe Jin asked you out!" I tease.

"Oh please, why would Jin like me? He could have any girl."

But I want you...

"Just sayin'. It's worth checking, right?"

"I guess." She mumbles, "Stop getting my hopes up though! I'm just happy that I was able to meet him at all. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get back to work."

I sigh and leave the shop. What if she doesn't read it in time? What if she's disappointed and doesn't show up? What if she realizes it's me and doesn't like me at all anymore?

———————

(YOUR POV)

I clock out of my shift and walk home. On the way, I think about what J had said.

What was that about? Was he trying to tell me something? He seemed so serious about reading the messages...

I brush it off as I walk through my door. After putting my stuff away, I sit down at my desk where I left the album yesterday. Opening up the photo book, I begin reading what they wrote. I laugh and smile reading through them. Memories from yesterday fill my mind and I gush at the amazing experience.

After reading all the others, I flip to Jin's page. Before I begin, I think back to what J said. What if he did ask me out?

"Don't be silly, Y/N. That sort of thing only happens in fan fiction." Say out loud. I start to read the page.

Dear Y/N,

Thank you so much for listening to our music and coming to the signing today! Your support means the word to us. I'd like to see you again. Wanna meet at Lotte World this Saturday at 10:00 am?

I'll be waiting for you,

Your Jinnie

If it wasn't on the desk, I would have dropped the book. Jin, THE Jin, wants to meet ME? A random girl who couldn't even afford the tickets to the fan sign? Some worker at a convenience store? Me? He wants to meet me at Lotte World?

"Wait, Friday, Saturday, tomorrow.." I mumble to myself, "TOMORROW IS THE DAY I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM?" I practically scream.

I rush to my closet and flip through the clothes.

"No, no, no, not good enough!!" I yell.

I crumble to the floor. Not because I can't find something to wear, but because the reality of the situation hit me.

"If anything he just thought I was cute, and when he gets to know me he'll find out I'm a total weirdo with 7,000 pictures of him on my phone." Right as I say that, my phone buzzes. I'm relieved to find that J had messaged me.

J: I know you're off your shift by now. Did your sweetheart leave you a message? 😉

Me: J.., This is crazy

J: What? Did he actually?

Me: He asked me to meet him at Lotte World tomorrow..

J: Oh wow! It looks like your crush finally noticed :) congrats!

Me: No!! This is a problem! He's gonna meet me and think I'm insane!

J: And why would he think that?

Me: I can't believe I'm telling this to you...

Me: I have like- a million photos of him,

Me: He's my phone lock screen,

Me: I didn't even buy the ticket myself,

J: I don't see why he wouldn't like you because of THAT

Me: I'm friends with this weird guy named J,

J: Hey! You take that back! I'm the only reason you get to go on a date with Jin tomorrow 😡

Me: You're just jealous because you wish it was you on a date with me ;)

J: Nope. A date with Jin, though, I am jealous of that.

I laugh and set my phone down on my bed. J always has a weird ability of making me feel better. I decide to go to bed to be sure that I'm well rested before my date tomorrow.

Next Chapter?

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yhwhrulz · 6 months ago

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Charles Spurgeon's "Morning & Evening" Devotional for December 7

Morning

“The love of money is the root of all evil.”

1 Timothy 6

The first epistle to Timothy concludes with a practical exhortation relating to various classes in the church, and with an earnest word to the young minister himself.

1 Timothy 6:1 , 1 Timothy 6:2

For Christian servants to take undue liberties because their employers are believers, is shameful, they ought rather to render them higher respect and more willing service.

1 Timothy 6:6

It makes us truly happy, by making our little into much and sweetening all the trials of life: “Poor and content is rich, and rich enough.”

1 Timothy 6:7 , 1 Timothy 6:8

Enough is as good as a feast, and frequently better, for it saves us from the ills of surfeit, the sure punishment of greediness.

1 Timothy 6:9 , 1 Timothy 6:10

Money can be used for the best of purposes, but the love of it is idolatry and the cause of countless evils. How is it that so many professed Christians live only to make money, and are just as eager after wealth as the avowed worldling?

1 Timothy 6:17-19

Having spoken to those who seek riches, he now admonishes those who possess them, that they must not hoard for themselves, but lay up treasure in heaven by generously distributing their goods on earth. Have we property? Let us hold it as stewards of the Lord. It is both our duty and our happiness to use all that we have to glorify him who, though he was rich, yet became poor for our sakes. Is he truly ours? Then let all ours be truly his.

1 Timothy 6:20 , 1 Timothy 6:21

O Lord, grant that grace may be with us also, this day and till the last great day. Amen.

Let us, in life and death,

Thy steadfast truth declare;

And publish with our atest breath,

Thy love, and guardian care.

Evening

“Hold fast the form of sound words.”

2 Timothy 1

The second epistle to Timothy is remarkable as being probably the last which the apostle wrote; it contains dying advice, written in the immediate prospect of martyrdom. Looking forward calmly to the grave, and with the executioner’s axe in the foreground, Paul pens this letter to his favourite disciple, and solemnly charges him to abide faithful unto death.

2 Timothy 1:1-5

We see here the inmost heart of Paul. Deserted by many of his friends, and in the feebleness of old age, expecting a cruel death, he cherishes the memory of his beloved young disciple, and longs to look once more upon his face. With joy he remembers the holy mother and grandmother of his friend, and the unfeigned piety of Timothy himself. How natural and how touching!

2 Timothy 1:8-10

Do not hesitate to come to Rome and bear with me the reproaches and dangers which belong to the ministers of Christ,

2 Timothy 1:8-10

“The old man eloquent” feels his soul kindling as he describes the glories of the gospel, eternal in its purpose, matchless in its achievements. He sits on the brink of the grave, and sings of one who hath abolished death. Faith in the resurrection could alone suggest such a triumphant exclamation.

2 Timothy 1:13

This is the main burden of the apostle’s pleading with Timothy, “Hold fast.” We have equal need of the same exhortation, for this is an evil day, and thousands hold everything or nothing as the winds of opinion may change.

2 Timothy 1:14-18

This good man is here immortalised. When he risked his life to find out and succour a poor despised prisoner, he little knew that he would live for ever on the page of the church’s history. His cup of cold water given to an apostle has received an apostle’s reward. Are there any yet alive like Paul to whom we might minister in love after the manner of Onesiphorus?

Stripp’d of my earthly friends,

I find them all in One;

And peace, and joy that never ends,

And heav’n, in Christ alone!

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afflictedbythe-not-knowing · 7 months ago

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Lover

Album Number: 7

Written: November 2018-February 2019

Announced: June 13, 2019

Released: August 23, 2019

Genre: Pop

TRACKLIST

I Forgot That You Existed 2:51

Written By: Taylor Swift, Louis Bell, Adam King Feeney

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Louis Bell, Frank Dukes

2. Cruel Summer 2:58

Written By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff, Annie Clark

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

3. *Lover 3:41

Written By: Taylor Swift

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

4. *The Man 3:10

Written By: Taylor Swift, Joel Little

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Joel Little

5. The Archer 3:31

Written By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

6. I Think He Knows 3:53

Written By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

7. Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince 3:54

Written By: Taylor Swift, Joel Little

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Joel Little

8. Paper Rings 3:42

Written By: Taylor Swift

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

9. Cornelia Street 3:47

Written By: Taylor Swift

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

10. Death by a Thousand Cuts 3:19

Written By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

11. London Boy 3:10

Written By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff, Mark Spears, Cautious Clay

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff, Sounwave

12. Soon You'll Get Better ft. the Chicks 3:22

Written By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

13. False God 3:20

Written By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

14. *You Need to Calm Down 2:51

Written By: Taylor Swift, Joel Little

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Joel Little

15. Afterglow 3:43

Written By: Taylor Swift

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

16. **Me! ft. Brendon Urie 3:13

Written By: Taylor Swift, Joel Little, Brendon Urie

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Joel Little

17. It's Nice to Have a Friend 2:30

Written By: Taylor Swift, Louis Bell, Adam King Feeney

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Louis Bell, Frank Dukes

18. Daylight 4:53

Written By: Taylor Swift

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff

_____________________________

19. All Of The Girls You Loved Before 3:55

Written By: Taylor Swift, Frank Dukes, Louis Bell

Produced By: Taylor Swift, Frank Dukes, Louis Bell

PROLOGUE

When I found old diaries from my childhood and my teens, they were covered in dust. I'm not just saying that for poetic effect, they were truly dusty with pictures drawn of first day of school outfits and inspirational quotes I used to retrace over and over to get me through doubtful moments. I'd practice my autograph and tape my guitar picks to the pages. In the entries, I daydreamed on paper and mused about who might ask who to the dance or how nervous I was saying the national anthem at the local baseball game. I frequently and drastically changed my opinions on love, friends, confidence and trust. I vented, described memories in detail, jotted down new song ideas and questioned why I would ever try to shoot for a career I had such a small chance of ever attaining.

But what shocked me the most was how often I wrote down the things I loved. Writing a new song, riding in the car with my mom, the purple-pink skies of the soccer field on the walk home, the one night in middle school when none of my friends were fighting, the dazzle of opal necklaces I couldn’t afford gleaming from a department store jewelry case. I wrote about tiny details in my life in these diaries from a bygone age with such… wonderment. Intrigue. Romance. I noticed things and decided they were romantic, and so they were.

In life, we grow up and we encounter the nuanced complexities of trying to figure out who to be, how to act, or how to be happy. Like invisible smoke in the room, we wonder what kind of anxiety pushes you forward and what kind ruins your ability to find joy in your life. We constantly question our choices, our surroundings, and we beat ourselves up for our mistakes. All the while, we crave romance. We long for those rare, enchanting moments when things just fall into place. Above all else, we really, really want our lives to be filled with love.

I've decided that in this life, I want to be defined by the things I love- not the things I hate, the things I'm afraid of, or the things that haunt me in the middle of the night. Those things may be struggles, but they're not my identity. I wish the same for you. May your struggles become inaudible background noise behind the loud, clear voices of those who love and appreciate you. Turn those voices up in the mix in your head. May you take notice of the things in your life that are nice and make you feel safe and maybe even find wonderment in them. May you write down your feelings and reflect on them years later, only to learn all the trials and the tribulations you thought might kill you… didn't. I hope that someday you forget the pain ever existed. I hope that if there is a lover in your life, it's someone who deserves you. If that's the case, I hope you treat them with care.

This album is a love letter to love itself- all the captivating, spellbinding, maddening devastating red, blue, gray, golden aspects of it (that's why there are so many songs). In honor of fever dreams, bad boys, confessions of love on a drunken night out, Christmas lights still hanging in January, guitar string scars on my hands, false gods and blind faith, memories of jumping into an icy outdoor pool, creaks in floorboards and ultraviolet morning light, finally finding a friend, and opening the curtains to see the clearest, brightest daylight after the darkest night.

We are what we love. This is Lover.

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tiredelirium · 8 months ago

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D.7

I haven’t read nearly as many books in my life so far as I should’ve. When I was a kid I used to consume them like kindling. One time I read an entire two hundred page book in the backseat of my mum’s car while she was shopping. She was only gone for maybe half an hour, but the words out of that book flowed pretty easily to me. My memory is bad, so all I remember of that particular book is that it was an Ursula Le Guin one, though I couldn’t tell you which cause I read so many different things back then.

As I got older I stopped reading books as much, only because I found the reading elsewhere. RPG games had so much reading, as did online games like Runescape and WOW with their forums. I started reading more comics and manga, in a wide range of stuff, from Cardcaptor Sakura and Bleach to the likes of Death Note and Berserk. Though I never really watched Anime as much, I think that was partly because I always liked the art in the manga better and, like with most media, lots of content gets cut from the pages to the screen.

I still read from time to time, two of my favourite writers, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett being books I always picked up when I could. I reread a lot of old stuff too with fresh eyes after movies and tv shows came out, like the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter series.

Harry Potter was always a weird one to me even before a reread. While I could enjoy the magical concepts of the world, so much was nonsensical that it just drew you out of the story. Like, why would a magical world such as this be so afeared and secluded from the rest of the world that they’d need a underfunded department to *study* non-magicians?

However, I still enjoyed it when I first read it, because I was a kid at the time of the first book, and could envision myself as a wizard in that world without being able to truly conceptualise all the wrongs present, and the writer’s own opinions and hidden thoughts plastered throughout.

Between the ages of 10 and 13 I was fairly active on an avatar website, forums built largely for teens to talk and talk to others about hobbies and interests. Here was the first place, and arguably last, that I actively wrote with others. The reason why I mentioned Harry Potter, despite the superior Discworld franchise or the funner Sandman works, is because one of the first interactive role plays I took part in was a Harry Potter one.

Each person involved -after sending in a forum application with their character idea with name, personality, history, goals highlighted- wrote a single post, often a paragraph or two in length. Others would work on their own responses, and so the story was written by the parts of many influences.

It was my first foray in role play writing, and I enjoyed it immensely. But, like all internet activities, I practiced safety. Never sharing my real name, pictures or information with the people I wrote with, even months into that experience.

A part of me regrets that. Especially now so long after that account has been buried and forgotten alongside the website it was on. I think if I had’ve I likely would still be friends with those people today, maybe even still writing. All I know about that first group is that one of them was French and another Filipino, I think most of the others were American, and I was the only English.

It was fun to write those back and forths, effortlessly engaging, and likely the driving reason why a handful of years after I stopped using that site I’d find myself watching a lot of TTRPG content. I didn’t have the confidence to do anything in person, and despite living in the city finding a place where one could even play ttrpgs was a task. So I watched. I consumed. I read some more.

The original series I saw was Roll Play, by ItMeJP, who ran many different liveplay dnd shows before they became the more mainstream option like they are now, where everybody and their mum has a dungeons and dragon’s podcast with their own spin on it. It was a good series, full of enjoyable creators working together and having a blast, and I got to have a blast in tandem listening to them.

Sadly that series ultimately ended due to a slew of reasons that I won’t get into, but it gave me inspiration and made me want to play too.

At the end of university I finally got round to having courage enough to ask some people if they wanted to try it out. These people were my housemates in my third year and I liked them all, as they were all pretty fun and nerdy in their own ways. I think if I was a more driven person I likely would’ve been able to maintain friendships with them after uni, but alas.

The first game I ran took into account the groups love of the Walking Dead, and was a simple setup. Not classic dnd stuff really, not even a module. This was largely because every liveplay I’d listened to or watched over the years had never been based on an existing module but a homebrewed setting instead. Though my setting for those games wasn’t something built entirely, it was a basic fantasy.

The party awoke in the woods where they were camping for the night, having been disturbed by noises in the bushes, after having a run-in on the road with some silk merchants, two men and a boy, who they helped out by fending off some wolves. Surrounding them in the woods were hundreds of corpses slowly wading through the bushes toward the camp clearing. As they looked on in terror, some spell came over them, rendering them asleep. The one who rolled the highest on their save got to notice two things before they fainted: that all the corpses had a marked etching on their forehead, and that there was someone else in the woods beside the corpses.

When the party awoke they were trapped in a cell underground. They broke out handily, and began to head up the stairs, finding themselves within a sealed tower, no sign of the silk merchants. With the door sealed in a way they couldn’t open it they were forced to head up the tower to seek exit or means to unlock the door and find freedom.

In the tower the party encountered a handful of living dead guards, a lab with notes of strange experiments, and living quarters. One of them was able to recognise a corpse that attacked them as being one of the two silk merchants, while another found the body of the other silk merchant, left a cadaver on a slab as an object of study. As they finally reached the apex of the tower, having found no means of escape as yet, they encounter a large undead creature whose body radiates death.

They find the boy who worked for the silk merchants, now mutated to anything but a boy.

This was their first boss, and they handled it well. Around the boys neck was an arcane key that unlocked the tower, while the room held an altar with a book bound in flesh, marked with the same symbol the party saw on the boy’s head.

This marked the end of that game, that had taken place over the course of two sessions, several months apart. The first session had been in person, as I’d travelled to their house in their fourth year to play, and had used a roll out gridded matt to make maps on. The second session had taken place over a skype call while using Roll20.

That was the last time that I ran a game for them. Not because I didn’t want to run more, or because they didn’t want to play anymore, but because times had changed and we all were doing different things. University had ended, with some of them doing master’s degrees at that uni, while others had went elsewhere. I’d went home, and, like always terrible at communication, began to message less and less. The straw that broke the camels back there was when I lost access to my facebook account due to email issues I kind of lost my ability to reach out to them as well.

I could probably try, and I think they’d probably answer, but it’s been so long now that I don’t think I have the guts to even attempt the reach. Who knows where they are now or what they’re doing, especially with the way things in the world have changed and altered so much.

It was fun though. That was the first game I ever ran, and it was by no means the last.

#journal #thoughts written out loud

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itsrattysworld · 1 year ago

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mylittlesecrethaven · 1 year ago

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Bsd Is Kinda A Genius Anime: Pt 3

I think I had a plan for these next few posts, but I can't remember them, so Ima do what I want.

Since these groups are so small, I'm doing both.

Today it's Decay of Angels (which has three different names depending on if you watch the dub, sub, or look at the Fandom, so wtf?) and Hunting Dogs.

So let's do it!

(FUCK IT, IT'S LATE I'M ONLY DOING DECAY OF ANGELS! I'LL DO HUNTING DOGS NEXT TIME I'M TIRED AND I WANNA FINISH THIS I'M SO SORRY BUT I AM BRAIN FRIED)

(Emm... two things. I'm aware that Decay of Angels gets its name from a novel, but unless that's brought up in a character, I'm not going over it. Also, Kamui and Ochi Fukuchi are the same person? Soooo.... I'll go over him with Decay of Angels I guess....)

Ochi Fukuchi

Ability: Mirror Lion

The Fandom actually didn't have much on this guy's RLC, so Ima try my best, but no guarantees since it's fucking 10:30 and this is my last post of the night. ---- I still can't find much actually about him. Even his Wiki page (yes, I use Wikipedia) is lacking. I do know about his ability counterpart though. Mirror Lion is a play written by his RLC about a woman who's practicing a lion dance for New Year's, and because she becomes so engrossed in it, the spirit of the lion enters her. Just thinking about this, it is similar to his actual ability. He makes his weapons stronger, a lot like what you'd expect if the spirit of a lion entered somebody. I couldn't find anything talking about his RLC having a connection to this guy's reason for leading both the Hunting Dogs and the Decay of Angels. (I don't know his reason in the show, I'm only on episode 4.) Not much to go on really. Not a good start.

Bram Stoker

Ability: Infection

He's a vampire?! Wtf?! Ohhhh.... I get it. Ok. His RLC wrote Dracula. Makes sense. Makes sense. His RLC is also Irish, so I kinda wonder if his VA does an accent like Fyodor's does. Anyway, you can see the symbolism, yes? Dracula is a vampire, and apparently Bram is impaled, relating to Vlad the Impaler, who was the inspiration for Dracula. Easy-peasy.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Ability: Crime And Punishment

And now to the man himself. I've been interested in doing this for him since I talked about his ability. So let's see what I can find. His RLC wrote a lot of dark and gritty books involving human emotions and psychology. (I know what author I'm looking for in the library next.) This fits how Fyodor acts pretty well. You'd expect books like that to revolve around someone like Fyodor. Hmmm... I just looked at a summary of "Crime And Punishment," and I found.... nothing. It's about this poor guy who plans to kill an old woman with a lot of valuables and steal them, but after he does that, he's wracked with guilt, and goes through a ton of mental anguish, and he has to live through the consequences of his deed. This... doesn't do anything for figuring out his ability. I know Fyodor's ability can let him manipulate people's memories, and that's connected to the book, but it doesn't help figure out who his ability affects or how he can control it! So for now, I'm gonna stick with the idea that Fyodor can't kill gifteds, because I can't find anything or anyone talking about the gifteds he's killed with his ability. Moving on the book that inspired the Rats in the House of the Dead, "The House of the Dead," it's a semi-autobiographical novel about a fictional person going through life in a Siberian prison camp, based loosely on Fyodor's RLC's time in a forced-labor prison camp. Emmm..... Idk. I guess it kinda connects to the fact that the group was really temporary? Idk. I'm getting brain fried right now, so if anybody has any idea for connections to the Rats in the House of the Dead, lemme know.

Nikolai Gogol

Ability: The Overcoat

Oh shit, he's Ukranian? I thought the name was Russian. My bad. Oh, wait, his RLC is a Russian of Ukranian origin. I don't understand what that means, but whatever. His RLC wrote a ton of books, usually all tragedy with slight shifts in genre, such as political tragedies and tragecomedies. "The Overcoat" was a short story written by Nikolai's RLC about.... oh shit this book is insane. It's about this poor man who's made fun of for his coat at work, so he obsesses over saving money and buying a new one. He finally does and shows it off so happily, but on his way home he gets beat up by two ruffians and they steal his coat. The police won't help him, and after being recommended to ask by someone else at work, he asks a higher up at work, only to be yelled at for disturbing the higher up with a trivial matter. A little afterwards, the man falls ill and dies. A ghost is soon seen around the city taking people's overcoats, and it's the man's ghost. The police can't catch him. He finds the higher up who yelled at him and spooks him, then steals his overcoat. His ghost isn't seen again. The story ends by talking about another ghost sighting, which meets the description of one of the ruffians. Insane, right? Which I guess fits Nikolai. Anyway, his ability really comes from what another author said about the book, which was "We all came out from under Gogol's Overcoat." So.... yeah.

Sigma

Ability: Information Exchange

My last one and then I can sleep..... please.... sleep.... Wait. This guy doesn't have an RLC. What? Oh. So apparently he has memory loss, which could be the link to him not having an RLC? Idk.

Anyway, next I'll be doing Hunting Dogs. That should be fun.

(I really need to stop doing these right before I go to sleep. *sigh*)

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #anime

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marmolita · 2 years ago

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Tagged for a bunch of tag games by @tulakhord !

(1) shuffle your on repeat playlist and post the first 10 tracks

I don't use Spotify so instead I went for the "most played" list in the app I used and I'm skipping the ones that are only repeat played by my kids and not me. This list is kind of heavily influenced by me listening to the theme songs for a couple fics I wrote on repeat 🥲

New World - L'arc~en~Ciel

First Time - Lifehouse

Paris - The Chainsmokers

When I'm Up - Great Big Sea

TEXAS - Haloo Helsinki! ft JVG

Hide and Seek - Kodaline

Between the Raindrops - Lifehouse ft Natasha Bedingfield

Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse

Walk On The Moon - Great Big Sea

dears - Gackt

(2) a questionnaire!

Tea, coffee, or soda? Water, tbh, but of these options tea.

Dogs or cats? Dogs 100%

Can you play any instrument? Violin and piano decently well (haven't practiced violin in a long time but I was concertmaster of my college orchestra; piano I quit in 11th grade but I'm decent at it). I can play the recorder a bit, and given a little while to refresh my memory of alto clef I could get by on a viola.

What's your sun sign? Virgo, though I never pay attention to it

First song lyrics that pops into your head? Brand new Lamborghini, fuck a cop car / with the pistol on my hip like I'm a cop [they were playing this at the gym yesterday lol]

Do you have any tattoos? Nope!

Favorite place you've travelled? Gosh this is a hard one! I'm gonna have to go with the UK I think, which feels like a cop out because I have been to many countries and places so picking one that speaks my language and has a similar culture seems silly, but I have been there twice and enjoyed it thoroughly both times.

What's the last movie you've watched? Uhhhhh I don't remember?

What languages do you speak? Fluently, only English. At one point I knew enough Japanese to reasonably get me and my husband around Japan for two weeks, but I have since forgotten most of it. I've been doing Spanish on Duolingo for two years but I would classify myself as a beginner still since I never actually try to talk to anyone.

Do you have any hobbies? Yes? I mean, depends what you consider a hobby, but: writing fanfic, reading, playing piano, jigsaw puzzles, going to parks, going to museums, shopping, and lately I've picked knitting back up and dabbled in embroidery.

You can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? 🤔 Trying to balance here between people I'm obsessed with and people it would actually be fun to hang out with. I think I'm gonna go with Sarah from Sarah and Duck.

Compliment yourself: I'm doing a pretty decent job raising my kids I think!

(3) ao3 first lines tagline

Rules: Share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written fewer than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway (spoiler alert: rules are made to be broken…)

From newest to oldest...

"And how's my frock coming along?"

"Ah, yes, Tim, come in."

The Magnus Institute's library gets a decent amount of use by academics.

"They want us to do a Valentine's Day special. What do you think we should do? Chocolate?"

It's all a panicked blur: pushing Sasha to run for help, trying to escape to Jon's office only to find it full of worms attacking him, jumping out of the way and landing painfully in a pile of fire extinguishers.

He wakes in the middle of the night breathing hard, covered in sweat, but not from fear.

The door creaked open with its usual unpleasant squeak, drawing Jon's attention irritably away from the files he was paging through.

"You have two hours to get me an answer on what that thing is," Elizabeth says.

They lose the game, which maybe makes it even worse.

"Suomalainen on velho ja ruotsalainen on viikinki."

Tagging though ofc with no pressure to do this: @notthequiettype @ivorydice @footnotesandendings @shoujocowboy @helens-squid and/or anyone else who wants to do it!

#lita talks about herself #sorry if i should've tagged you and didn't I'm at work right now and only have half a brain lol

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artistfingers · 3 years ago

Note

Everything Everyone else hasn't asked yet ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

ᕕ( ᐕ )ᕗ

[Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game]

3. What ideas come from when you were little

rather than saying any specific ideas came from when i was a kid, i think,... there are tropes that i still love and draw on and can credit to some of the things i read and watched as a kid. one big example is hidden identities - my most trope ever - all has a big basis on some of my earliest Media Memories, like detective conan, danny phantom, ouran high school host club, alex rider, and so on ahsdg

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

i do not know my own subconscious mind well enough to say 💀

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

i had a really big mob pscyho fic i wrote 30k on in 2019... don't know if i'll ever circle back to write the rest. there's been countless comic projects that i started and dropped over the years as well...

as for illustrations i have a number of half-started DP illustrations that may or may not ever be finished 🤷‍♂️

9. What are your file name conventions

either things languish in the land of Untitled Document, or they get ... passable attempts at descriptive names like "project title ch2 v1 inks"

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

i always like drawing shirts! clothing folds in general are a big area i'd love to sink some more practice into, tho

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

Oh Always. i rotate between music (shuffling my spotify likes or going start-to-end on an album), podcasts (dungeons & daddies or dimension 20 mostly), youtube (IE, gamegrumps, izzzyzzz) and/or reality shows my friends put on :>

12. Easiest part of body to draw

faces/heads? i feel like i put most of my practice there because i love to draw expressions. hands might be what i practice second most

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

another one i say, i dunno. if i follow artists on social media that i admire, i'd count their work as "my thing" even if it's outside the range of what i might create myself 🤔

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

at my desk, on the couch, or in bed mostly! i've been trying to get myself out to draw at the park more

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

i have a really bad habit of eating 10,0000 LifeSaver mints while i draw if i am not being careful 💀

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

sooooooo many pencils. 20+? in highschool and most of uni i was really picky about using fancy HB, 2H and 4H pencils for all my sketchbook work but at a certain point i started preferring mechanical pencils

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

i don't know about Everyone, but comics/sequential art, maybe? pacing can be quite difficult but it's a challenge i really enjoy conveying on the page.

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

anything creepy crawly horror EHehehehe also anything papercraft, multi-media-y.... or like, super solid pen-and-ink. fine lines, black and white, that sort of thing

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

if i remember i try to stretch my wrists 💀

23. Do you use different layer modes

ye!! whatever's needed at the time. i'm fond of multiply layers with purple ink for shading.

24. Do your references include stock images

oh, yep, stock images are actually one of my favorite sources for references outside of pose-specific reference resources like line-of-action, adorkaStock, etc. but stock photos (specifically sites like Pexels) are great for locations, perspective, animals, inanimate objects, or if i don't know exactly what i'm looking for

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

i'm not sure this has happened to me to that degree? like there's definitely been minor differences in interpretations when it comes to my comics (dialogue doesn't always land or imply what i intended) but i don't think i've ever had something taken wildly differently

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

i don't normally, but if i do, it's usually standard sketchbook randomness - heads, hands, shapes, squiggles, objects around the room. the cats...

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

i've contributed to a number of zines and things over the years :>

Welcome to Hell - 2014 & 2015

Sakana - Catch of the Day 2017 (I don't think I ever posted the full piece online, actually...?)

one for Danny Phantom coming up in December 👀

i also wrote for the WtH big bang in 2018, beta'd for the Fullmetal Alchemist Big Bang in 2021, and this year illustrated for the Danny Phantom Invisobang!

there will probably be more in the future. Love Me A Project

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

maybe podcasts? i've definitely drawn for podcasts before (gorgug from d20, some TAZ stuff way back in the day...) but i'd say it's rare and that the lack of a visual component separates it from media that inspires me artistically, or at least, does so directly

#ask game #ask #mirrorfalls #THAT'S ALL OF EM I THINK jkhagsdjh ty mirror 💗

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current-interest-writings · 4 years ago

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Batboys and Batmoms Birthday

Requested: no, this is self indulgent

Started writing this on my birthday

Your birthday in the Wayne house hold was the most important next to Mother’s Day, well at least to the boys.

You wanted to simply sleep in on your birthday, have your husband home earlier.

And sleeping in was more manageable when only two kids were trying to climb into your bed and share it.

Even though most of your children are adults, you do wake up to a dog pile on your birthday. With Bruce taking some weight to his upper body because dick and Jason are on top of his shoulder.

Damien at first wouldn’t participate, now he’s glued to your side on most days. Especially on your birthday, Damien has wrapped himself around your arm and cuddled into you. He always places himself in between you and Bruce. ALWAYS

While Tim was just cuddled into your side, it comforts him and gets him to sleep so you can’t complain too much. The boy needs to sleep.

Cass was near the end of the bed, wanting to participate but also wanting her own space.

Duke was on the other side, kinda out of the pile but he had a leg in.

And this was just the start, you being the first one awake to see all of your children in your bed. Laughing a little to yourself knowing Bruce was right, you did need a custom sized bed to fit everyone. But they still piled on each other, Bruce and you.

One side of your large bed had almost no limbs on it. While the rest of it was covered.

The next part of your birthday was breakfast in bed, which did mean your children would have to wake up sadly.

In your thoughts about breakfast Alfred walked right into the room, and sighed.

“ are your children aware the other half of the bed is bare? Or that master Bruce is not a mattress topper?”

Bruce opened one eye

“Alfred it’s been over 10 years, I think they know. They just don’t care anymore”

*mumbles from kids*

“Shh we know, and we don’t care. Just let us sleep”

Alfred set the tray down. And gave you a look.

“ I’m going to starve on my birthday!!! 😱”

Cue kids shuffling closer to Bruce so you can eat. Damien shifted his legs closer to his father, Tim just moved down to lay his head on your leg.

But the food smell woke the rest pretty fast. And everyone knew after food, they got to get their party started.

——————————————————————

The “party” consisted of JLA members, your sons, husband, Alfred and you.

It was always small, just how you preferred it. Jon and Damien running around in the gardens, Clark and Bruce getting along for the moment. Diana relaxing and seeming human, Jason and Tim talking. Seeing the flash family run around was always funny.

The food was delicious and there was a ton of it. Your birthday was practically catered by every restaurant in the city, after all you needed enough food to feed everyone.

But the day flew by having fun with all of your friends, and eventually they had to leave. But you get to have more family time.

——————————————————————

Few minutes after guest cleared out, your children ran to grab something. While Bruce came up behind you.

“Your gift from me is coming later today, but I assure you’ll like it”

“Bruce you’ve given me everything by just being home all day, and by being social and friendly.”

Your husband just chuckled, you both could here pounding foot steps coming down the stairs. With two sets walking calmly behind them.

“Boys so we don’t have a fight in the stair well let’s go into the family room”

They all followed behind like little ducklings (or robins)

Your kids had you sit in the large arm chair, and they took the couch while your husband stood behind you.

“Well Ma how are we doing the gift order this year?”

“Jay we are doing as we’ve always done, in order”

You’ve always made them follow the adoption order. It made sense, and made it hard to argue about it whose turn it was.

Dick smiled and handed you a small box and a card. “I hope you like it”

“I love anything you kids give me”

You opened it to see a small photo book. You turned the pages to see they were blank.

You eyed your son.

“Open the card”

The card he handed you was kinda thick. But once opened was full of pictures of the kids. In their uniforms, out of them, around the manor, and school ones.

“ oh Dick... it’s wonderful!”

You have your son a tight hug. Trying not to tear up.

“Alright Ma don’t cry.. yet”

Jason handed you a card, and motioned for you to open it. What was written almost made you cry.

‘To my Ma, you’ve loved me and hugged me. You’ve taken my anger in stride, and have forgiven me for my mistakes. I didn’t get you anything huge, but I’m giving you this promise.

I’ll be coming to the manor once a week. And we can spend time together. Like we used to.

Love your favorite zombie son’

You looked at Jason and stood up, you were crying. You just hugged him tight. You whispered “love you too my little bat”

Tim was next in line and new it was small but it would be meaning full.

He handed you another card, all he wrote was

‘I love you, this family and the memories we’ve made’

It was a small flash drive, you raised you brow.

“It’s got a lot of pictures and videos of us on there, so you can always take us with you”.

Your sweet babies loved to make you cry, you swore it. You gave him a tight hug. “I love it, thank you my little robin”

Damien went next and it was kinda large, he needed some assistance from his brothers to bring it in.

“ ummi I know I am tough to deal with, but I know you hold us close because you love us. And I know you like pictures of us as well. So I made you this. “

He pulled the sheet off and it was a portrait of you, and all of your children. You just grabbed your baby and hugged him tight.

“Oh it’s beautiful my little artist!!”

You knew just where you wanted it hung.

Next went cass

She signed, still not fully comfortable talking.

“I love you mom, and I hope it keeps you warm.”

You opened the wrap to see a hand knitted scarf, beanie and cardigan. It was beautiful, she had mixed purple and black into the pattern with a dash of yellow.

You lunged a hug at your baby “I love you too sweetheart, and these definitely will”

Duke went last he also got you a card.

He just nodded with a shy smile

As you opened the card to read it, you had a feeling the tears would keep coming.

‘To my mom, you’ve taught me it’s okay to have more than one mother’s love. That by loving you I haven’t forgotten about or replaced my mother.

You’ve also shown me patience and kindness when I may have frustrated you.

Thank you,

Duke’

You opened your arms to duke while crying “hug?”

He just gave you the hug.

As he pulled away and sat down. You stared at your kids and then your husband.

“Why are all my babies so sweet!!! 😭”

And they jumped to hug you in a group hug.

——————————————————————

Later that night batwoman showed up to cover Batman and you’ve never been so thankful.

All she said was “happy birthday have fun”

And it was just you and Bruce.

#batfam x batsis #batfam x reader #batmom #batfamily and batmom imagine #batsiblings #batman x reader #batgirl #batmom x batfamily imagines #batwoman

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conniespringerblkwife · 4 years ago

Text

Drummer Boy

(Connie Springer x Female Reader | NSFW)

A/N: So i was using the bathroom and then BOOM Connie fic idea. In conclusion, using the bathroom=best ideas.

Also I wrote this awhile back and since it’s Connie’s bday today, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to post it.

Warnings: Connie with eyeliner, Smut: Fingering, rough sex, and Connie grabbing the headboard

Summary: Y/N and her childhood best friend, Connie grew apart when once they began college. Three years later, Connie sees Y/N practicing and his feelings return for her.

*2,785 words*

Songs I listened to while writing:

Bubblegum Bitch by Marina and the Diamonds

Bad Romance (Lady Gaga) by Halestorm [Cover]

You and Connie used to be close friends since you were three all the way up to college.

Even though you two were best friends, you were polar opposites. He was an extrovert and you enjoyed quiet time by yourself. You had straight As, and Connie on the other hand, struggled in school. A D was an A to him. And although Connie was more popular than you, there was always one thing that brought you two together. Music.

Music has always been something you two can bond over. You played the violin and he played the drums. Even though you two enjoyed different genres of music, you understood each other's passion. Connie always wanted to play in a band and you always wanted to travel with a big orchestra and be first chair. You two understood each other's motives and worked hard everyday.

When you two started to grow up, you guys made a promise to never forget about each other when you two become famous. But that promise was broken, when you went to college. You and Connie both attended the same university, but became distant as you two joined different groups. You guys didn't realize the relationship died, it just gradually happened.

You both were caught up in different careers and lost time for each other.

You two met again, while you were practicing your solo, for an upcoming concert. You didn't realize anyone walked in until you heard the sound of clapping and a voice. "Wow!"

Your eyes adjusted to the figure below and you realized it was Connie. "That was amazing Y/n, you really have grown." He flashed a smile and you gave him a small one in return.

"Thanks Connie." You started to place your instrument in the case.

"How you've been?" He asked softly.

"Fine. And you?" You turned around to make eye contact with him.

"Good." You two stood in awkward silence. It's been so long since you two interacted with each other. You didn't know what to say. You guys haven't talked since freshman year of college, you're a senior now.

"Well, I'll go now." You gave him another small smile and proceeded. As you were heading out, you heard him call out your name.

"Wait Y/N!" You turned around and saw him jogging towards you. "Come to my gig tomorrow night."

"I don't know, I think I have practice tomorrow."

"Well if you don't." He pulled out a folded piece of paper out his pocket and handed it to you. "You're always welcomed." You studied the flyer and saw at the top, "10 pm: Riot of the Red Heart will be performing, 'There's a Hole in My Stomach.'"

"I'll see." You smiled and left the building.

You plopped on the bed and studied the flyer. "Riot of the Red Heart," you said to yourself. You decided to look them up and was amazed how popular they were on campus. You noticed they had an Instagram and clicked on their page. There were three members: Connie, a girl and a guy. The guy hair was pretty long and he had a beard, and also played guitar. The girl, you assumed was the main singer, had light brown hair and in her right hand was a potato.

As you continued to scroll through their page, you took note how happy Connie looked. Something in your heart twisted as memories came back, but you suppressed them and told yourself that you were happy that he was happy.

Unlike Connie, you didn't make any close friends during your four years of college. You had one friend named Mikasa and that was because she was your stand partner in orchestra, but outside of practice, you two never talked and if you did, it was only about what time practice was.

You put your phone on the charger and placed the flyer on the nightstand next to you, heading off to bed.

The next day you found out you didn't have practice and a part of you was happy that you could have a break. You decided to head back to your dorm and take a nap. It was rare for you to go a day without practicing, but you deserved it. You've practiced so much that your shoulders hurt more than usual. You would always forget to do stretches before and after practicing and would have to suffer the consequences because of that. As you drifted off to sleep you thought about Connie and wondered what he was doing right now.

"You guys excited for the night?!" Connie said wrapping his arms around Jean and Sasha's shoulders.

"Yep!" Sasha exclaimed, "Also after our performance can we go out to eat? I was thinking about that steak house down the street."

"Do you wanna go there because you've been crushing on that waiter?" Jean teased.

"What's his name?" Connie scratched his head and then smirked, "Niccolo?"

Sasha elbowed Connie in the side and walked off, " That's not true, I just liked the food there." Sasha crossed her arms while staring at the pavement trying to hide her embarrassment. "

"Mhmm, whatever you say." Jean remarked.

"Oh guys I invited someone." Connie spoke up.

"OOO who??" Sasha said.

"Her name's Y/n, she's a childhood friend." Connie rubbed the top of his head. "I want you guys to meet her."

"Oh she must be really special," Jean teased Connie.

"Yeah she is actually."

"Well I cant wait to meet her." Sasha said while throwing her arm around Connie's shoulders. Ever since Connie saw you yesterday, he couldn't get you out of his head. Connie used to have crush on you from middle school all the way to high school, but it left as you two grew apart. But those feeling returned when he saw you playing.

He didn't say anything that day when he entered the building and saw you practicing. He just stared in awe as you engrossed yourself in the music. Although you music was placed in front of you, your eyes were closed. It made him think how hard you have been working that you didn't even need to look at the music. He hoped you come tonight because he really missed you, and wanted to start over with you and possible relationship.

When you woke up , you saw that it was 9:00 pm. Your eyes then traveled to the flyer next to your clock. Connie's performance started in an hour. "I guess I could go." You said to yourself as you got ready.

You threw on a sweatshirt and jeans and fixed your hair before grabbing your purse.

Connie's band was performing at a small place called, The Corps Club.

When you entered the club, there were a lot of people, but it was pretty calm. Everyone was genuinely having a good time and you cursed yourself for not bringing Mikasa with you. You felt awkward as you sat at the bar fiddling with your purse, hoping to see Connie.

"Can I get you something?" A bartender said while cleaning a cup.

"Just a lemonade please, thank you." You were so focused on watching the bartender pour your drink you didn't even notice the presence beside you.

"Y/N Hey!" It was Connie. You took in his appearance and noticed he had on black eyeliner and wore a gray shirt that no sleeves along, a sliver necklace around his neck, and a chain that hooked to his pants. "I wasn't expecting you to come." He leaned on the table, "Hey Levi I'll pay for it."

"Oh no Connie that's okay." You protested but the man already took the money. "Thank you." You said softly while taking a sip of your drink.

"Thanks for coming y/n, I really appreciate it."

"Of course."

Connie then grabbed your arm and pulled you through the crowds of people. "I want you to meet my friends." He shouted and lead you through a door. "Guys I want you to meet y/n."

You seen them before, but it was different seeing them in person. "Y/N this is Sasha and Jean."

"It's so nice to meet you!" Sasha said and then pulled you into a hug. "Any special friend of Connie's is ours too. You want some chips?"

"No thanks," You said, your face heating up slightly at the thought of Connie talking about you to his friends.

"I'm Jean." He said as he held out his hand. You didn't imagine him to be so tall you thought as you shook his hand. "Connie you didn't tell us your friend was hot." Your eyes widened at his words.

"Jean please shut up you're making her uncomfortable." Connie said while hitting the back of his head.

"Anyways y/n, we're performing a song called There's a Hole in My Stomach. It's about a guy and girl who are twin flames, but the girl gets shot in her stomach and the boy basically loses another piece of himself." Your mouth opens slightly at the sad, but oddly specific, story behind the song. "I know right depressing, but it was Connie's idea." Sasha continued.

"We have five minutes 'till we perform...Y/N I'll show you a good spot to watch us." Connie said while grabbing your arm. He led you to the front row, "This seems like a good spot." He then pulled you into a hug and you felt your heart beat quicken. "Thank you y/n," he whispered into your ear. He pulled away and ran off, leaving you stunned.

You were blown away how good Connie's band was. Although the topic of their song was depressing, they played as if it wasn't. The three complemented each other so well. Sasha's voice was also beautiful and powerful. Jean played the guitar with a smirk plastered on his face as he rocked his head back and forth (let me stop before i turn this into a jean fic).

You then looked over to Connie and saw how intense he was as he hit the drums. It was like he was different person. You seen him play the drums before in high school, but that was nothing compared to now. His muscles flexed as he drummed. You thought he looked sexy, especially with the sweat gliding down his face and his eye liner starting to smudge. As if he heard your thoughts, Connie made eye contact with you and winked and quickly looked away.

After the performance you met up with the three and congratulated them. "You guys did amazing and Sasha your voice is so beautiful."

"Thank you." She said while wiping the sweat off her forehead. They all were sweating and you saw how Connie's eyeliner was now smeared across his eyes. "Are you coming with us to eat?"

"Oh no, it's late, I need to get back to my dorm."

'Are you sure Y/N?" Connie said while patting his neck with a towel.

"Yeah..Thank you."

"Well let me walk you back since it's late." He said while throwing his towel on the couch.

"Bye y/n!" Jean and Sasha said as you and Connie headed out.

The walk back to your dorm was silent until Connie said, "Thank you for coming. I'm so happy to see you again."

You smiled, "Of course Connie."

"It's been a long time since we seen each other." You hummed in agreement. "I missed you so much y/n" Connie stopped walking and stared into your eyes.

"I missed you too." There was tension between you two and you didn't know why, but you continued walking anyway.

You two were now in front of your dorm's door. "Thank you for inviting me Connie. Good night." As you were going to open your door Connie then said, "Y/n wait." You turned around in confusion.

"I want to start over."

"What?"

"I really missed you. Like a lot." You nodded your head, confused to where he was going with this. "Fuck it." He then pulled you by your waist and pressed his lips against yours. Your eyes widened at his sudden actions. You knew you should've pulled away but you couldn't.

You two were now in your dorm and you made out with each other as you straddled his waist at the edge of your bed. His tongue explored your mouth as he rubbed and squeezed your thighs.

Wanting more friction, you decided to rock against him and he groaned in your mouth. "Keep doing that." He said against your lips as he slid his hands under your sweatshirt to unstrap your bra. You were still in shock that you were making out with your old best friend, but that thought left when you felt his big hands cup your breasts and his thumbs circle your nipples.

He pinched and twisted your nipples as his mouth traveled from your cheek to your neck to suck on the skin.

You ran your hands through his hair and noticed that it was longer than last time you remembered. You giggled as a memory of you calling Connie a bald penguin popped up in your mind.

He then took your sweatshirt off and stared at your breast and then he squeezed your hips, urging you to keep grinding on him. "Stop staring."You whispered in embarrassment. He then attached his mouth to your nipple and you gasped at the wet feeling. His hands traveled your body up and down, his hands rubbing your curves and then cupping your ass as you continued rocking against him.

Your panties were wet and you wanted nothing more than for him to touch you where you most needed it. He didn't notice you unbuttoned your pants until you grabbed his hand and slid it down to cupped you down there. He felt how warm and wet you were and began caressing you gently through your underwear.

He then pulled your panties to the side and rubbed a finger up and down your folds before placing his middle finger inside of you. You hid your face in his neck as you rocked against him while he placed another finger inside of you. He rubbed his other hand up and down your back to ease you. "You're so beautiful," he said softly before placing a third finger inside of you.

"Connie" You moaned his name and that's when he lost it. He pulled his fingers out of you and laid you on your back. He shoved your pants and underwear down while he peppered kisses on your neck. You kicked the remaining clothing off your legs and pulled his shirt off while you wrapped your legs around his waist.

You two were now fully naked as Connie teased your folds with his penis. You bit your lip in anticipation. "Connie pl-" before you could finish he pushed himself inside of you and you clawed at his back as he stretched you out. He moved slowly first and you watched as his chain dangled in front of your face. You took that opportunity to grabbed him by his chain and pull him into a kiss.

He started to pick up his pace and you had to hold onto his shoulders for support. "So fucking tight." He said as he watched how you took him so well. When he felt you loosen up, he took the opportunity to lift your legs over his shoulder and pound into you. This new angle had you gasping for air as his hips snap against the back of your thighs.

His hand was gripping the headboard to go faster and his other hand also had a death hold grip on your waist, you knew there will be a bruise there tomorrow but you didn't mind. The more you said his name, the faster he would go.

He slowed down a bit when he felt your walls clench around him. You were close and he had to control himself because he wanted to make you cum first before him.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you came intensely and then a few moments later, Connie also came.

Connie then pulled out and collapsed on top of your body, then proceeded to give you small kisses between your breast. You both were breathing hard and you felt a small smile slowly form on your face. "I know this wasn't the proper way to build our relationship back up." He said against your skin. "Let me make it up to you and take you out tomorrow." He looked up at you through his long eyelashes.

You smiled and brought his head up to kiss him again, "I would love that."

Follow me on Instagram @//jungjaehoe127

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outerspacesteve · 4 years ago

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headcanon #10: steve and bucky’s notebook

[TFATWS EP. 3 SPOILERS]

So... Bucky is using Steve’s notebook, leave me alone to cry, please :’)

Imagine Steve giving him the notebook after Endgame, because there’s finally some peace and quiet, so he suggests to Bucky that he catch up on some of the things he missed since WW2.

And later, when Bucky is flicking through the pages, he stumbles across a note:

“Buck,

If you ever need grounding, if you ever need reminding of who you are, just come here. I know this is an awful thing to think, and that everything you went through was horrific, and I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like, but I’m glad we got to see each other again.

When I woke from the ice and ran into Times Square, I remember the first thing I thought. It wasn’t confusion, it wasn’t shock or anything like that, no, it was “Bucky would’ve loved this.” It was like something straight out of those sci-fi books you used to read. So, in that sense, I’m happy that you get to see it, that you now have the time, and the peace, to explore.

It’s bittersweet in a sense - they got rid of the old laundromat that was down the road from your ma’s, and the grocery, where you used to sneak some extra food from when Mrs Smith wasn’t looking, that’s gone, too. They replaced it with some modern hipster café thing, I don’t really know, I only went there once. I wouldn’t recommend it though, the coffee wasn’t great.

But he parks are still fairly similar. I never did find out whether our old apartment was still standing. I didn’t really want to know; felt like finding out they’d replaced it would be like cutting one of the last threads tying me to you, and our old life.

But I got you back. Can you believe that? You were sent to hell and back, countless times, and yet we still found out way back to each other. That’s some next-level destiny shit, Buck.

You were the one person who always knew me. The real me, not the Captain America bullshit. Just plain old Steve Rogers, the little scrawny kid who you had to constantly check back alleys for, any time you were somewhere without me. You never did care for the whole stars-and-stripes façade, and for that I’m thankful.

I could write pages and pages of things I’m grateful for, or memories that I treasure, but bottom line is, you were everything to me, Bucky, you are everything to me. I’m not sure what I would’ve done without you. You’re worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. You managed to save my sorry ass more times than I can count. And no matter how many times I told you that I could get by on my own, or that I had them on the ropes, you said you knew, but you stayed anyway.

Remember in ‘37, and winter had just begun, and I had come down with another bout of pneumonia? It was the first time I was bedridden for weeks on end since my ma died. I remember you doing everything you possibly could to help. Of course I was the most uncooperative son of a bitch on the planet.

I must have been a pain in the ass; coughing all night so you hardly slept a wink and would be dead on your feet the next day at work, being too stubborn to let you help me cool down or warm up, refusing any of the soup you would make me. But none of that ever made you leave my side.

I remember, whenever you weren’t fussing over me, or telling me, “Steve, I swear to god, drink this soup or I’m going to force-feed it to you,” you would be telling me about this new book you’d seen in the shop window on your way to the docks.

You said it was called The Hobbit. You said it was an adventure book, about a group of dwarves searching for some dragon-guarded treasure. You practically had the blurb memorised! You couldn’t afford to buy it, what with me out of a job, and you spending all your money on food and medicine, but you went to the bookshop every day, just to look at it. You said you tried to read a few pages each time you went, but that Mr Robinson soon caught on and threatened to ban you from the store the next time you left without buying anything. You even checked the library, but it was a new book and they didn’t have it there, either.

You didn’t let me get a new job that winter, said it was better not to risk getting ill again, and that we would be able to figure anything else out. Obviously, I put up a fight, but eventually, you managed to convince me. I did take up a few art commissions, though. And I managed to scrape together enough money to buy you the book for Christmas.

I remember the way your face lit up. Even though our apartment was freezing, and our Christmas tree was tiny, and dying, and all kinds of pathetic, none of that mattered. I was just glad to see you so happy after all the stress that I’d put you through over the last few months. You said you didn’t mind, and you gave me the tightest hug, and said that your present looked kind of meagre compared to the book. It wasn’t, but even if it was, I would have loved it anyway, because it was from you.

You devoured that book within days. I don’t think I ever saw it more than a few feet away from you. The pages yellowed, became worn and thin, the cover faded and creased, but you still carried it around as though it was your prize possession. I was secretly so happy that it was me who had put that smile on your face.

And then the following spring, when I was once again ill and bed-ridden, you would sit by my bedside, and read The Hobbit to me. Even through my fever-induced haze, I could tell how much you loved the book - it shone through into your voice, into the small smile you’d wear when we got to your favourite parts. I don’t remember much of the storyline, but I do remember you. I think I paid more attention to you than to the book itself.

They wrote sequels, you know? And there’s movies now, too. I never did get around to reading or watching them, though. I couldn’t bring myself to do it without you. Felt like that was something I should be doing with you. You should watch them, sometime. Sam says they’re good.

Anyway, I love you, Bucky. Never forget that. None of it was ever your fault, it wasn’t you. But you’re free now, free to do whatever you want, free to be whoever you want to be. And if you don’t believe that, then believe me, at least until you can believe it for yourself.

Thank you, Bucky. Truly. For everything.

Love, Steve”

And on every few pages, randomly spread throughout the notebook, there’s a little drawing or doodle that Steve has done. Sometimes they’re drawings of memories shared between him and Bucky, sometimes they’re things Steve thinks Bucky would like, and sometimes they’re just completely random things that he felt like drawing. There’s even a cartoon drawing of Sam doing something stupid, and Natasha just stood off to the side, rolling her eyes.

Bucky loves all of them. But the one he likes best is the drawing of him and Steve on the bench at Coney Island, sat shoulder to shoulder, mouths covered in ice cream, and massive grins on both of their faces.

On the bad days, when his head is too loud and he can’t seem to quiet it, he’ll open the notebook. Sometimes he reads the letter, sometimes he just looks at the pictures. Usually, though, Bucky will open the notebook to one of the lists Steve had written when he came out of the ice, and he’ll watch something that Steve had already crossed out, signifying that he had watched it.

He would imagine what Steve’s reaction to the film or show may be, and what Steve might have thought of it. And sometimes, it really does feel like Steve is right there watching with him.

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jtsfavslut · 4 years ago

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Falling [G.D]

Description: Just when Y/N thought she was over Grayson, he pops back into her life, making her wonder if you could fall for the same person twice. Inspired by ‘Falling’ - Harry Styles.

Warnings: None, Just sad stuff lmao!!!

Word Count: 4K+

Also a special thanks to cole [ @blazedgraysons] for keeping up with my annoying ass questions while I wrote this, and for helping me and giving me advice I love you <333

Her small feet carried her body down the familiar street, cars zooming past her as her body softly bumped into the others around her. The loud sounds from the environment being blocked away by the soft, yet loud music that was coming out of an old pair of Airpods she had gotten for Christmas back in High School.

This was Y/N's daily routine. Get up early in the morning, do her business in the bathroom, get dressed, and walk over to her favorite cafe. The Beachwood cafe had become Y/N's second home ever since she moved to L.A, spending most of her time there, before and after class.

A smile lit up her face as the familiar blue door came into her view, a content sigh falling past her lips as she got closer to the door.

The strong smell of coffee hit her nostrils as she walked inside, music being paused as she walked fully inside, giving her attention to the cashier that greeted her every morning, "Hi Y/N, your stuff is on your table," she smiled up at Y/N before pointing towards her usual table.

It was the one by the window in the corner of the shop, the bright yellow and blue floor illuminated her small journey to the table, where her coffee and breakfast sandwich happily waited for her to approach. She sat down, hand reaching into her Yellow Kanken backpack, another Christmas gift from high school that she dearly took care of, she pulled out a brown journal and a pen.

A journal filled with memories and random thoughts that popped in her head. Y/N thought writing things down was good for the mind and body. She believed that writing things down would help you keep your thoughts safely, and lock memories into place without overworking your mind. A pen that has been through many journeys on the same yet different page.

All pages were the same until the pen went over it, recording things until the end of time. They were all the same until she wrote down her thoughts for the day.

Her small hand gripped onto the pen as she wrote down her thoughts from the previous night, coffee cup in the other hand as she slowly sipped the liquid.

Last night I thought of him again, just until I drifted off. I don't know why. It hasn't happened in months. Nothing bad, just a memoir of all of our memories together. Like the time we broke into the school's pool one night. Where he pushed me in with all my clothes on, then he jumped in and we made out by the stairs. Funny how we never got caught since cameras were around us. Or when we had our senior trips to the mountains in Colorado, and how he kept sneaking into the girls' room just to be with me. We were lucky we didn't get caught again. I tried to not keep thinking about him. I know it's time to finally drop it and move on, but how? How do I erase all those memories from my brain? How am I supposed to just drop it and move along? Just how? I don't need or want to know why just how.

She softly slammed the notebook closed, right before she could feel a slight burning in her eyes and a rock starting to form in her throat. The subject of her and a past lover that she was still holding onto, still being a deep wound to her.

She thought about and remembered Grayson every day. After all, he was her everything during her entire High School life, and he still was…...sort of. Grayson and Y/N started dating in the 9th grade, right about in the middle of the year. He asked her out behind the school's bleachers during lunchtime, a mixture of flowers from his mom's garden that she shyly accepted from him after she said yes. That was followed by their date to the movie theater, where he held her close to him every time she faked being a little scared, not that he could tell, and three dates after he officially asked her out where she said yes again, and that was followed by an accidental kiss, he was leaning towards her cheek when she accidentally moved her head to the side, causing his lips to land on hers. Neither of them complained, just smiled at each other and carried on.

They went on for 6 years, all of high school and two college years, where he decided to break it off because of distance. He went off on how being across the country from one another was hard, and the fact that the time difference from New York to California was 3 and 4. She didn't complain. Didn't give a reason as to why not, even if she had trillions of them. She didn't try to change his mind. She simply said okay, and wished him the best. She still loved him though.

The words that her grandpa had spoken replayed in her brain every time she questioned why she still thought about him; "You never stop loving anyone sugar, you just kinda love someone stronger. If you stop loving them, then you never loved them to begin with" She thought about that, and that made her feel better. Maybe there was someone out there who she would love more than she loved Grayson.

With a quiet sigh, she put her journal away, switching it with a book she picked up at the library a few days prior, yet read a million times.

To Kill A Mockingbird is a book she read many times in school, mostly everyone has. It's the one book from school she actually enjoyed, so she picked it up from the book shop down the street from her apartment before work one day, and didn't get to read it until now.

She opened the book with a small smile, the sensation of the book against her finger bringing nothing but happiness to her, and took her mind off whatever was bothering her. She lost herself in the book, almost done with half of the book before her alarm rang, signaling it was time for work. She left a 20 on the table after putting all her stuff away in her backpack and walking out of the shop and towards her job which was a paid internship at a local hospital downtown, all she did was watch and help out with minor cases like cuts, sprains, X Ray's and the occasional stuff like questioning. She entered the hospital, sanitizing herself and changing into her uniform, walking over to her area, that being the Pediatrics Emergency room where her boss, mentor, whatever you might want to call him, Dr. Reyez, and the rest of the team were waiting for her.

"Morning everyone," she chirped at the tired yet awake health care workers, who all had smiles on their faces. "Morning Y/N, you're going to be practicing by yourself today, can you handle it?" Dr. Reyez asked her, which she just nodded her head with a smile. There wasn't a single ounce of doubt in her brain.

"I'm pretty sure yes! And I can just reach out to you guys if anything, right?"

"Yeah, just page us if anything. Your first patient should be here soon, just go wait by the desk," Reyez instructed her and that's exactly what she did. She sat on the desk for over 20 minutes until someone came in with a toddler covered in rashes.

"Hi baby, I just need to ask you and mommy a few questions, yeah?" She sweetly and patiently asked the 5 year old as his mom was filling out some papers, to which he just nodded his head.

"Okay, Xavion, did you eat something new today? Maybe something you've never eaten?" She asked and both the mom and son nodded their heads.

"Do you think he was allergic to something?" The mom asked, causing Y/N to shrug.

"Well, it depends. We need to get an allergy test for him. It doesn't hurt or anything, we just scratch and pour a drop of the allergen over it and see how they react. Mom, do you happen to remember what he ate today for the first time?" She replied by recording some notes down on her clipboard before telling a nurse to get an Allergy Antibody Test ready.

"He ate everything that he usually does except for some broccoli I gave him," the mom replied and Y/N nodded her head before writing it down on her clipboard and walking them to the testing room.

Once the results came back around half an hour later, Xavion was, in fact, allergic to broccoli, and other things that Y/N had to explain to the mother. She got about 15 minutes of break time before Reyez called her another minor emergency.

"It's an 11 year old, possible breakage or sprain to the leg, you can handle this one right?" He asked and she nodded her head, "Good, they're in room 217, good luck," he added before sending her off to the room.

She quickly made her way over to it, grabbing her clipboard on the way, "Hi, I'm Dr.Y/LN, I'm going to be taking care of you guys today! May I have the child's name and date of birth please?" She nicely asked as she walked inside the room, quickly walking over to the desk area that was in the corner and placing her stuff down.

"Uhhh, Caleb Dolan, August 17, 2008," a deep voice that she could recognize from anywhere spoke as she turned around. Her heart dropped at the sight of Grayson in front of her. She tried to reassemble herself, after all, she couldn't make any mistakes right now, Reyez was trusting her and she couldn't afford to mess the opportunity up.

"Caleb, August 17, 2008," she mumbled as she wrote it down on her piece of paper, "Caleb, do you mind telling me what happened, babe?" She asked with a smile on her face. Her smile turned into a small frown as she looked up at the boy who happened to be in pain.

"Me and uncle Gray were practicing for the soccer game that's next and I fell on the mud and hit my leg really hard," he explained as she walked towards him nodding her head.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, One being okay while 10 being the worst, how would you rate the pain?" She asked, walking over to the walk to grab a pair of gloves, putting them on, and walking back towards him.

"Uhh a seven," he replied and she nodded her head.

"Okay Caleb, just know this might hurt a little okay? It's just protocol to check if it's dislocated, broken, or sprained okay?" She asked and he nodded his head, a few tears falling down his face from fear. Grayson quickly leaned down to wipe off his face whispering a quiet 'you'll be okay' as Caleb grabbed his hand.

"Can you try and move your ankle for me? Just try and move it," she explained and he muttered at quiet yes before moving his foot in a slow circle, she nodded her head before placing both hands over his ankle checking for any bumps, which there were none to find, "Luckily for you Caleb, it's just sprained! There are no bumps meaning it's not dislocated, and you can move it meaning it's not fractured! Just to make sure, we're going to need an X Ray' just to make sure there are no hidden surprises yeah? Dr. Lindsey will do those with you, and I'll be right here when you come back," she smiled up at the boy before Dr. Lindey moved him to a wheelchair and took him to the X Ray room, leaving Y/N and Grayson alone in painful silence.

"So this is what you do? This is where you work?" Grayson was the first to speak after a couple of quiet seconds,

She cleared her throat and nodded her head, placing her hands inside her white jacket, "Yeah. It's a paid internship so it's basically a job, what about you? What are you doing here?" She asked to make direct eye contact with him.

"Moved here after me and E graduated, looking for some roles and an agent," he spoke, his voice not as deep yet shakier than when he first spoke.

"Any luck with that?"

"Yeah. We've landed a few small roles here and there," he answered and she just nodded her head.

"That's good! I'm glad everything's working out for you," She gave him a genuine smile before continuing to fill out Caleb's paperwork.

"Listen, I know it's been 2 years but-," Grayson began to speak before Y/N cut him off. "-Grayson just don't. I'm at work right now, and it's enough seeing you after 2 years, but I don't really need this right now. I'm sorry," She apologized before leaving the room to get some papers before walking back in, thankfully Caleb was already in the room when she walked in.

"I'm going to wrap your ankle up with this and then you're good to go, buddy. Make sure you don't apply pressure on it for two weeks. And carefully when you're playing any sport, I don't want you back here," she said while wrapping his ankle up carefully. She gave Grayson the discharge papers, their hands touching each other for a split second before she pulled away waving them off before walking to where her team was.

"That guy was looking at you intensely," Reyez pointed out, earning a glare from her.

"Don't even start," she rolled her eyes before taking a sip from her water bottle that was on her desk.

"Wait is that the?" Jacob, one of the nurses, asked and she nodded her head.

"Yeah, that's him," she sighed, shaking her head.

"Holly shit Y/N, I knew you said he was hot, but girl? That man is hotter than-,"

"Mackenzie, don't you dare," Y/N joked towards her other co-worker, "God why do you do this to me? I was almost over him and then you put him on my path again? The universe hates me,"

"I'd go for it again if I were you," Mackenzie encouraged earning a glare from her.

"Alright, leave her alone before she starts to crumble, Mackenzie go fill out reports, Y/N go take a breather," Reyez ordered them around and they all nodded their heads, going on their way to do what they were told.

. . .

Soft snores began to quietly run past her lips as she drifted off to sleep, all before a feeling of suddenly falling down an empty whole woke her up. She shook her head letting out a quiet 'fuck' before turning to look towards the clocks on her nightstand, 3:30 AM being brightly displayed on it. Y/N let out a loud sigh, knowing she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon.

Her mind suddenly clouded with knotted thoughts and notions, too many of them just to focus on a single one. She pushed her body up, just enough for her to reach over and grab the small yellow backpack that she lazily threw on the floor, pulling her journal and pen out before throwing it back on the floor.

She clicked the pen and opened the journal, blank pages waiting to be filled up, her hand delicately moved along the paper as she scribbled letters and words on the empty pages, thoughts clearing out of her head, one by one.

I saw him today. He looked different. He's grown. After it all, it has been two years. His voice is deeper too. He wanted to talk, but I said no. Maybe if I did, I would fall for him again, or something. I'm doing just fine, so why did he have to move here. Anyway, Reyez finally allowed me to take care of patients by myself today. It was fun, I liked it, I guess. Luckily I'm free tomorrow because I can't sleep at all now. Maybe it's the repeating thoughts of him running through my mind, or just simply the lack of melatonin in my body right now. I'll probably go to the park tomorrow, stop at the cafe first then make my way there, but anyway, I'm going to try and sleep now.

It was a quick entry, nothing special, just her major thoughts being written down, just enough for her to feel better. She got up from the bed walking over to the kitchen grabbing a water bottle before leaning against the counter and sipping it. She crossed her bare legs over each other, looking out of the big window in her living room. Her favorite part about the apartment? It was the window that looked down on bright LA city. Y/N could sit there for hours and not notice the time pass by, she knows this because it happened before. She left the kitchen and walked towards the window, propping her body down on the small couch she had in front of the window. She laid her head on her hand, watching the few cars that sped down the street, the small yet bright red lights disappearing into the distance as her eyes followed them until they could.

Her eyes softly closed as she laid down on the couch, drifting off into another universe. The next morning she woke up at around 8 AM, doing her daily routine, except she stopped at the Cafe, picked her things up, and made her way to the park. It was an old park, there was an old playground that seemed like it hadn't been used in years. She sat down on an old bench drinking her coffee as she watched the scenery.

She didn't take her notebook out, her mind not having any thoughts, or at least no thoughts relevant enough for her to write down. She just took her time to take her surroundings in. She admired how the wind moved the trees, yet they were so strong they didn't crack. The way the birds lifted off whatever surface they were, and drifted off into the sky. She admired the rare butterflies that randomly appeared just to disappear once again. She simply admired the earth, something that she didn't do quite often; Always being too deep in her thoughts to actually study the things around her.

"They're beautiful aren't they?" Grayson's voice spoke out of nowhere, making Y/N do a slight jump in her seat as her heart raced.

She brought her hand up to her chest, a sigh falling past her lips as she glared at Grayson who was chuckling, "You fucking scared me,"

"Sorry," he sighed, sitting down next to her.

They both let out sighs. Both knowing that there was no escaping the conversation that was about to happen, a conversation that was long due.

"You could, hmm, you could go first," she spoke after a few moments of silence, throat dried making her clear it in the middle of some of her words.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. You were working, and Ummm, it wasn't the right place or time to talk about things. I'm also sorry because I never gave you an explanation as to why we should've broken up. After all, you didn't ask anyway," He softly spoke. He thought every word through, studied each meaning before letting them run past his lips.

"I didn't ask because it's what you wanted. Your decision was clearly made. I mean, I don't think breaking up with someone is a spontaneous thought is it? Your decision was made, and if you felt like I was holding you back, then I had to let you go, if I loved you, then I think I did the right thing." Her words were careful too. And quiet, so quiet feeling that if she spoke too loud the things around her would break.

"I didn't want to break up. I felt like it was the right thing to do, you know? We were always so busy, and we made time for each other, but it was exhausting. And when you were out with friends, I felt like I was annoying you or something," he sighed and she shook her head, the thought of her ever getting annoyed at Grayson's presence being absurd.

"Oh God absolutely not," she chuckled, "I thought I was annoying you. Like I wondered if you talked about me, or not. I wanted to know if I annoyed you because I felt like I did,"

It was true. In her journal, multiple pages were filled out with her question herself on whether Grayson talked about her or not. Even after the breakup, she wondered if he'll ever need her. Most pages were about him, all of her thoughts revolved around him, always.

"I did. All the time, to the point where I said your name subconsciously," he smiled, remembering the conversations he had with his friends about her, and how great she was.

"I did too, well not say but write," she sighed, leaning her back on the bench.

"You wrote about me?"

"Grayson you know I did, that's a dumb question," She shook her head, taking a sip of the coffee that was somehow still warm.

"Do you still write about me?" He asked and she stayed quiet, not knowing whether she should answer truthfully or not.

"Honestly speaking, I do. I write about everything that comes to mind, so sometimes? Yeah," she sighed, knowing that it would be easier if they just told the truth.

Maybe this was the closure that they both needed, yet never got. Maybe this was going to help her fully move on from him, and have thoughts that don't include her.

Or maybe not. Maybe this would help them reconnect. Y/N left it all up to the universe. She was a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and that you can't change your future since it's already written about. When she got home after a couple of hours she took a shower, lit on her favorite candles, and did the expected. She took out her notebook and wrote.

We spoke today. He told me the reason why we broke up. It wasn't an intentional meeting though, I was just admiring nature. I was looking at the butterflies I think. He randomly spoke. And I know it was long due and needed so I just told him to say it. It's better to just get it over with than to just keep pushing it back, I think. He told me why he wanted to break up, which right now, sounds like a valid reason. I just wonder why he didn't just say it back then. It would've saved me a lot of nights, don't you think? He now knows I write about him, and where I go to write about him. Maybe I shouldn't go there anymore. It sounds out of this world I know. But maybe, just maybe, I should just close that chapter in my life.

There are just too many memories of him at Beachwood. That's where he surprised me the first time he came to visit. And it's where I write about him the most. I could find another cafe near here, there's plenty.

I just wonder if we're ever going to see each other again. If I'll ever fall for him again, if that is even possible. Because I don't think you could fall for the same person twice, right?

That was the last page in her journal. All the pages filled with her delicate letters, her writing being eternal. Filled with on-going words until the end, where an unanswered question laid. The weight that was once on her shoulders began to fade, and for once in her life, the thought of her future no longer made her afraid.

This is the first time I’m proud of a something I wrote, so if this flops, I will deactivate! Just kidding, sort of. Anyways, yeah, I feel like my writing has improved, and as always, if you have any tips, and/or constructive critism, please, please, please drop them in my inbox, and don’t worry, I won’t say your hurting my feelings lmfao!!

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