#(Was a lot on our mind today we both just straight up forgot. I didn't really get the chance to think.)

[bitepire]

Dammit. Remembered I had vague plans today of being goth. But that Rat Bastard used the body all day to be a punk faggot. Now it's 9:30 and probably too late to do anything. Ugh.

[harrysfolklore]

baby fever - husband!charles blurb

gif credits to @blueballsracing <3

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

If there was something you never got tired of no matter how many years passed was joining Charles for race weekends.

And ever since you became husband and wife a year ago, being by his side during races and practices felt even more exciting and special.

This weekend was no different, you were joining him for the Emilia Romagna GP and this time you were bringing the newest addition to your little family: your dog Leo.

"Do you have Leo's pass?" Charles asked as you sat on the back of the car that was driving you to the circuit.

"Yes, I have it," you said, scratching behind Leo's ears, "Do you hace your pass though? I didn't see you grabbing it before we left."

Charles eyes widened at your words, "Shit!", he exclaimed, patting his jeans pockets in search of his pass, "I think I forgot it back there."

"Of course you did," you rolled your eyes and shook your head, "You're such a teenager sometimes, always forgetting everything."

"Give me a break, woman. I've got a lot on my mind," Charles retorted playfully, leaning over to give you a quick kiss on the cheek. "Let's just hope they'll let me in without it."

"I don't think they will," you laughed, feeling the car start to slow as it approached the entrance to the paddock. "It's not like you're Charles Leclerc driver for Scuderia Ferrari or something."

Charles threw his head back in laughter, kissing you cheek again and scratching Leo's little head.

The driver pulled up to the security checkpoint, and as predicted, the guards immediately asked for Charles’s credentials. Charles gave them a sheepish smile, scratching the back of his head. "I might have left it back at home," he confessed.

"Mr. Leclerc," the guard began, trying to keep a straight face. "This is the third time this season."

"Does it help that the dog has his pass?" you chuckled, holding up both your pass and Leo's as if to compensate.

"Alright, alright," the guard burst into laughter, shaking his head. "But next time, no excuses. We’ll let you through this time. Right Mrs. Leclerc?"

You smiled widely at the guard calling you by your new middle name, "I'll make sure he doesn't forget it!"

"Thank you!" Charles said, relieved, as the car was waved through. He reached over to scratch Leo's head. "Looks like you're the star of the show today, buddy."

Leo barked happily, tail wagging as you all stepped out of the car. The familiar buzz of the paddock enveloped you, the hum of engines, the chatter of the teams, and the clicking of cameras.

As Charles go through the gates, you and Leo following close behind, a camera from Ferrari's social media team approached him and asked how was he feeling about the start of Race Weekend.

"Started the morning without my pass," he said as he kept walking, Luckily they let me through and my wife had our dog's pass," you laughed quietly from behind him, "So today I can get to work and tomorrow we drive, so it's all good. But I almost missed out on race weekend for a pass."

The camera team chuckled at Charles’s confession, "Well, it’s good to know Mrs. Leclerc and Leo are on top of things," one of the team members remarked, directing the camera toward you and Leo.

"Always ready to save the day!" you gave a playful salute to the camera.

You and Charles made it to the Ferrari area, where his team would tell him what activities he had to do before getting in the track, as you walked hand in hand, you noticed that a couple of Tifosi were hanging around, and a little boy who's eyes lit up as Charles walked by caught your attention.boy,

"Baby, look," you called for Charles, pointing at the little boy, "Why don't you go say hi."

Charles followed your gaze and noticed the little boy standing shyly among the crowd of Tifosi, clutching a miniature Ferrari car in his hands. His eyes were wide with excitement as he looked up at Charles.

Charles smiled warmly and made his way over to the boy, crouching down to be at his level. "Ciao, piccolo amico," he greeted, extending his hand. "What's your name?"

The boy told Charles his name, and as you stood back watching the interaction, you couldn't help but think how good he was his kids.

Even before you got married, you and Charles had talked about wanting a family together, but you agreed that would needed to wait until the time was right.

However, every time you saw him interact with little kids you couldn't help but feel what people called "baby fever" take over your body.

The little boy handed Charles his little Ferrari toy for him to sign, "Now it's even faster!" Charles said as he handed it back to him, "Would you like to meet my wife and our dog, Leo?"

"Yes, please!" the boy's ever grew even wider.

Charles beckoned you over, and you walked up with Leo trotting happily beside you. "Hii, this is Leo. Do you want to pet him?"you said warmly

The boy hesitated for a moment, then reached out tentatively. Leo, always friendly, wagged his tail and leaned into the boy's hand.

"He's so soft," he said, beaming up at you. "And he's got his own pass!"

"Yes, he does," you laughed, "He's a very special member of the team."

After taking a few pictures with Charles, the boy went back with his parents with a happy smile on his face.

"You're really good with kids, did you know that?" you said to Charles, feeling his arm wrap around your waist and pull you to him.

"I love being around kids," he caressed your cheek softly, "Little fans always make my day."

"You'll be such an amazing dad someday," you let out before you could even stop yourself, watching Charles' smile grow bigger at your words.

"Am I sensing some baby fever?" Charles teased, making you cover your face in embarrassment.

"It's not baby fever!" you protested and Charles gave you a raised eyebrow, "It's not!"

"Sure, sure," Charles chuckled, pulling you closer and planting a gentle kiss on your forehead. "Whatever you say, Mrs. Leclerc."

"Don't tease me, it's true," he raised an eyebrow at you again, "Okay, maybe I'm getting a bit of baby fever, but we agreed to wait until the time is right and that's fine."

"I know, I know," he pulled you to his chest, kissing the crown of your head, "But honestly, I can't wait to have our own little ones to bring to the races. You'd be an amazing mom and Leo would be a big brother."

You threw your head back in laughter, pecking his lips softly, "That sounds like the dream."

"It does," he kissed your lips again, "Now, I have to get to work to make my wife and kid proud."

"Go do that, Leo will be cheering you on."

[simp-ly-writes]

What Would You Do?

─────── · · A The Comment Section (spin-off / pt.4.5)

Pairing: Spencer Agnew x gn!Reader

─ · · SUMMARY: In this standalone part, everyone finds out how Spencer seems to know you better than you know yourself and the comments go wild over it. It's still recommended that you read the series for the full effect.

─ · · TAGS: standalone, gender-neutral pronouns, social media au, attempt at comedy, light swearing, fluff, mutual pinning.

─ · · MASTERLIST | TAGLIST REQUEST | PART ONE

─ · · A/N: thank you so much to the wonderful @sserendiipiity for this idea and sorry it took so long to write this! All original images belong to their owners, my work is my own. Asks are open for Smosh!

─────── · ·

Being in front of such a small crew was refreshing besides the hundreds of workers you were starting to get used to for your up-and-coming movie entrance. Still to this day, you didn't know how you landed such a part with all of your acting history coming from youtube but nevertheless as Courtney called you all to take your positions; a newfound anxiety found its way into your mind. This episode was solemnly focused on you and how well your fellow cast members and friends knew you.

Soon the heat of a thousand LEDs made you start to sweat as you smiled at the camera and introduced this weeks episode, "Hey guys, welcome to what would (name) do. And here today I am with my friends Trevor, Amanda, and of course, Spencer. Yes, we have been reading your comments everyone-"

The crew in the background began to laugh as Spencer shook his head with a small smile, foot taping yours from underneath the table as you waited for everyone to finish. "-and Spencer and I will be going back to our regularly scheduled content together. But thats besides the point! I am going to be reading these question cards that I totally wrote and your goal is to guess my answer. So if I said, 'Who do you think if the last person I messaged?" You all would answer..."

Putting the cards down quickly and going for your phone, you rolled your eyes at yourself for seeing who, as always was at the top of your history. Head now in your hands- knowing how quickly the fans would clip this next moment. Courtney began to count down behind the camera, voice trying to hide her giggles as everyone knew the answer right away.

Picking yourself up and trying not to make eye contact with anyone at the table, Courtney didn't even get a chance to hit one as both Trevor and Amanda have already flipped over their boards, arrowheads pointing towards Spencer with large grins strapped across their faces.

"And why do you think its you Spencer" you ask, not even having to look to look as you stare into the camera with a straight face. "Because we are each others conscious?" Spencer answers matter-of-factly, the smile he sends you breaks your character as you announce one point each before moving on to the next question.

"Okay, If I could learn any skill and be super good at it, what would it be?" You take a second after reading the card, unsure of your own answer as you look around the room for any ideas. Peering down the table, everyone seems to be writing a lot as you tap your marker lid against the table. Courtney begins to count down once more as Trevor rapidly erases his answer and writes down a new one as you raise your brow curiously before marking down your own.

"Let's see these answers, because I am unsure myself."

Trevor goes first out of the line, "I had a few ideas but I think I remember talking to you about being a better driver... that or being a quicker reader."

"I completely forgot about that- I would agree, being able to read and remember scripts super quickly would be awesome. Let's see what everyone else wrote down though, Spencer?"

"Well I said that you want to learn everything about music. I know that you always have wanted for some groups to make one more album or for others to pick up their sound. But what if you could make your own music just how you want it to sound?"

"Fuuucckkk, thats so good!" you moan out, trying to imagine everything you could make before your eyes flash back open in horror. You clasp your hands over your mouth before throwing your head back laughing as Spencer shoves your shoulder, "Not in front of the cameras!" He points dramatically at every single one as you grip his shoulder trying to calm yourself as he two joins your laughter.

Amanda had erased her answer by the time you two caught your breaths as Courtney asked off-camera why. "This game is what you kids would say, rigged. Like what am I going to say thats topping thing one and thing two here? But I was going to say skateboarding," Amanda responds in a lighthearted tone.

"Skateboarding?" Trevor asks, eyebrow raised as you nod your head, curious to learn the answer. "I don't know! I just thought it would be something cool that you would like to be really skilled at."

"I mean... it would be pretty cool. I could be all Tony Hawk Skate Park all around the office," you voice, picturing a future video idea before giving points out to Spencer.

─────── · ·

The video continues as expected, your fellow cast mates mocking annoyance and play-fighting amongst one another as Spencer nails question after question, often answering better than the answers you come up with for yourself about yourself.

At some point, Amanda and Trevor had tackled Spencer to the ground, begging him for answers as he held his hands, glasses askew as you sat and watched from your chair, tears stringing down your face as you hunched over, your stomach hurting from laughing so much as Courtney yelled for break, you all taking your fourty minutes to grab drinks and snacks at the cart.

"You do know how crazy the comments are going to be underneath the video, "OMG I ALWAYS KNEW SPENCER AND (NAME) WERE MARRIED'" Amanda mocks in an obnoxious girly tone as you shake your head, knowing her words to be all true true as Spencer leans down and steals a bite from for sandwich. You glare playfully at him as he turns around chewing, going to find Alex to ask how the other shoots are going back at Smosh Games.

"Well, its better than the hate. I thought I was actually going to get fired or killed if we didn't release that video soon enough," you respond a bit tensely as Trevor flicked your forehead. "Hey, none of that, (name). We all would've made sure it never came down to that."

Amanda nods in agreement as Spencer rejoins you both. He places his chin on your shoulder, asking you quietly, "How're you doing?"

"Better," you respond with a small smile, taking in his equally tired expression as you ask him the same question. He hums out positively before leading you both back in front of the camera.

As soon the red dot starts to flicker in your face once more and before you can finish the question, Amanda had already stood up, chair screeching against the floors as the table shook from her enthusiasm as she screamed out her answer. "Describe what you think I would wear tomorrow-"

"SOMETHING OF SPENCERS AND JEANS, where are my points?! Take THAT SPENCER!" Amanda dances for the camera, fingers flipping the man off as you hide behind the board, giving her the point as no one else bothers to answer.

─────── · ·

"And for our second to last question today..." you all were starting to grow loopy. After a full day of shoot after shoot, you all started screaming out random things at one another, sometimes without context and the outline of a gameshow had gradually turned into a shouting fest. "...Fuck, Marry, Kill-"

"SPENCER, SPENCER, SPENCER," Alex shouted from off-camera, chest raised proud of his throw-back answer to an earlier episode as Amanda wheezed out, Trevor throwing his board for the bit, "that was going to be my answer too!"

Spencer's ears had flared bright red as he started off into the distance. You hide your face in your hands once more, shoulders rising and falling with silent laughs before managing to read the rest of the actual question left.

─────── · ·

By the end of the shoot, Spencer had one as he raised your hands together cheering before taking a bow to the crew and then the camera. "Well, to no one's surprise, Spencer won todays episode but I have to say, you all surprised me with your answers. It feels so good to know I have all of you as my friends. And to all of those watching at home, be sure to check back in the next few days to find the new content we have cooking up. Bye!" You all wave towards the camera's before the screen shuts of to black.

─────── · ·

A few weeks later...

🔔 Smosh Pit just posted! watch now?

─────── · ·

What Would (name) Do?

Smosh Pit ✓ [Subscribed] Like 132k | Dislike | ... 8.29M subscribers 430k views 1 day ago you'll never guess who wins this episode! click to read more

3,333 Comments

username01 1 day ago The team was COOKING on this video. username11 1 day ago Well, this is one way to shut us all up and goddam it I'll take it all! username44 1 day ago Anyone else had to pause this video multiple times to look at the camera in their room and scream BC this was TOO much for little ol'me to handle. username13 12 hours ago "You'll never guess who wins," - yeah right. ▼ 50 replies ↳ username88 4 hours ago IKR? The bigger shock would have been if Spencer was banned from participating hahaha. ↳ username20 12 hours ago Kinda feel like he should've been. I mean the cast was taking it great but it must get kinda annoying how he knows every answer. Some even seemed like (name) didn't even know themselves! ↳ username54 30 minutes ago This is concrete evidence to the (yourshipname) case, these two idiots belong together. username73 12 hours ago I am salivating over all of the edits I know will come from this video. Where is @ (yourshipname)updates when you need them? ▼ 1 reply ↳ (yourshipname)updates ✓ 10 hours ago I am here and am happily overworked! We are eating good folks! username52 30 minutes ago Trevor and Amanda pinning Spencer to the ground with (name) cry-laughing in the background was not a meme format I thought I needed. I can't wait for the next Who Meme'd It!! username14 1 day ago "Spencer, Spencer, Spencer" - Alex Tran 2024 username02 just now I honestly thought they would all be quicker to name Spencer as (name)'s lest message. Like whenever they are not actively filming I swear I see them smiling at their phones in the background of videos. username05 23 hours ago (name) and Spencer: try not to fall in love. difficulty? impossible. username66 15 minutes ago Amanda calling the game "rigged" was so good. BC let's all be real here, this was fan service at its finest and i'm not even upset about it. username70 1 day ago The fact that they kept (name)'s: "Fuuucckkk, thats so good!" in is shocking to say the least. These edits about to be straight WILD. username23 14 hours ago There's literally to much to comment about, I am going insane. username80 1 hour ago "SOMETHING OF SPENCERS AND JEANS, where are my points?! Take THAT SPENCER!" Amanda has confirmed what we all believe people, let us all thank her in the comments below \/ ▼ 44 replies ↳ username54 30 minutes ago Yes, thank you dear Amanda!! ↳ username90 30 minutes ago I love confirmation bias. ↳ username54 just now I love how Spencer wasn't even mad. Like bro was damn smug about that fact while (name) was blushing so hard thinking none of us would ever catch on XD

─────── · ·

─ · · A/N: I am kinda obsessing over (name) and Spencer...

─ · · TAGLIST: @lisiliely @missflufffanfics @little-stitious-studios

[m1yabi]

"SILENT CRY"

"You can show me your tears that you've quietly hidden, to me."

Hyunjin x idol!Reader

Genre: Angst to Comfort

"Going through an endless loop of tears, self abuse, mental pain, breakdowns and selfless acts after forced smiles and fake affection is not easy, especially if you are going through this pitiful loop alone. However, your best friend, Hyunjin, pulled you out of that pit. After accidentally walking in you breaking down, he knew you needed a shoulder to lean on and a chest to cry on."

"Y/n, I told you to drink less coffee!" Your best friend, Hyunjin, said as he got your 4th cup of coffee for this day. "I'll start listening to you, when you listen to your self. How many coffees did you drink today?" You said teasingly. "..That's not important, what's important is you." He said with a sigh. "We are preparing for our comeback and next week we have a concert. Coffee is currently, the only thing keeping me stable." You jokingly said.

"Please just take care of yourself." He sighed as he hugged you. Your body stiffens. It's not rare for him to hug you, you just needed those words and that hug after everything. You can feel tears form, and you pushed him away from the hug. "..Ahem, I will. I have to record something and practice. Talk to you later." You said with a slight shake in your voice, which left Hyunjin even more worried.

You ran to your dorm and in to your room. Locked the door, straight to the bathroom, and washed your face. Trying to cover your tears with water. "Fuck. Why am I like this, so fucking sensitive." You clench your teeth as you mumbled to yourself. "Practice doesn't start till 5..its 2 right now." You said with a shaky voice, still trying to fight your tears. After fighting and trying to hold your tears, you conceded defeat. Tears streamed down as your knees collapsed onto the floor.

Hands on your eyes, wiping tears that came out endlessly. Bad thoughts came rushing through your mind. You bit your lip hard, making sure not a single sob was heard.

knock knock knock

"y/n? It's me Hyunjin. You forgot your phone!" Hyunjin opened the door. It seems that you didn't lock it properly. "Y/n?? Are you in the bathro..." as he opened the door, he was met with a side of you that he never saw. Your eyes as wide as his, mascara smudged all over your face, hair messy from scratching it a lot, and eyes red from the endless tears.

"Ah—Fuck, Hyunjin," You mumbled, immediately standing up and washing your face. "I was about to shower but shampoo got in my eye." You let out a chuckle. The chuckle he always heard. "Oh and my makeup is smudge because I kept washing my face-" you were interrupted by a hug.

"Stop. Please, just stop." He whispered into your ears. His voice was shaking, he sounded like he was gonna cry. "Hyunjin.." Your voice broke as your body collapse onto his, and you began to sob. You were gripping onto his clothes and crying onto his chest. "Let it all out." He said crying a little. He couldn't stand seeing you in such a state. He blamed himself for not noticing sooner.

You both stayed like that for a few minutes before you finally slowly stopped. "Let me get some water." Hyunjin said breaking the silence and standing up to get water. You grabbed his arm, "Please don't leave me." You said in a broken voice. "I'm not going anywhere." He said in the most gentle voice ever.

"I will always listen to your problems, don't be stuck in this loop alone. You can let it all out on me." He said hugging you tightly.

"Please, if possible, let out all of your tears that you've hidden, to me."

[bookofkatherine]

Ding Dong That Lilith Bitch is Dead (and Her Precious Spider Too) #1

Chris Evans dons his Captain America uniform to defeat the Second of the Fallen and her horcrux spider, fulfilling a 2000-year-old prophecy about the End of Days.

Friday August 23, 2024 5:30 p.m.

Dear Journal,

What a fuck of a day!!! My God! I killed the bloody Second of the Fallen with Cap and when we were done, he told me to eat my lunch. I sat up, began to eat, he went downstairs with my husband Nick to pack a bag - and when he came back upstairs, he said, "Wow! Amazing huh!?"

And do you know what I said? Do you know!?

I was sitting there eating Taco Bell, cross-legged on the bed, and watching The Equalizer 2 on my phone. By the time he bounded up the stairs again, finished with packing his bag, I'd forgotten all about Lilith.

I was watching Denzel Washington save the day and savoring one of the first tacos I've had in years and years and years. Lilith and her giant spider weren't even remotely in my frame of focus.

So, when he said, "Amazing, huh!?" I looked up and literally said:

"What?"

Sigh.

My husband screwed up his face. "LILTIH!!! You' killed LILITH!!! That's HUGE!!!"

I blanched. Ohhhh shit. 'How the fuck do I tell him I forgot already!?' I thought. My mind raced.

"Uh.... I killed the Silver Surfer yesterday, so..."

He looked at me crooked. Shit. I wasn't making sense.

So I threw down my taco and threw up my hands and grabbed my hair. "I FORGOT!!! Daddy, I forgot!!! I'm sorry honey!!! It's just - it's just..." And then I remembered the catch phrase Ryan Gosling taught me when he made The Gray Man (a project that gave him the opportunity to kick the shit out of Cap - sigh - because the angels are competitive, like I said before...).

I took a deep breath, calmed myself, and looked up at Nick, straight in the eye.

"It's just another Thursday."

Nick laughed. He grinned wide and nodded. "Just another Thursday," he repeated, and sat down on the bed to give me a giant kiss.

That's what's cool about being in The Order. So many movies are based on our history across time. So many of the angels I know are the heroes I grew up watching in the movies.

And now I live new adventures with them every day.

All wrapped up together, it creates one large canvas that we're all a part of. And that creates a shared language between us all.

The Gray Man, for example, is a movie that my uncle Gustaf made about one of the attacks on my life as a young child, as well as when I was an adult. He blended the two stories together because Ryan Gosling - an angel who walks among us - was my guardian for both attacks.

And, as you know, I'm pretty fucking sick. So the young girl in the movie, Claire, is based on me.

The first time I saw the movie, I immediately called Nick when Claire came out of her room and said, "Something's wrong..." and collapsed.

Seriously!? That's exactly what I do. It was like watching my life on screen. So I called Nick. Who called the Order. Who told me, "yeah, the movie is based on you." Oh.

Now I watch the movie to feel better. And I say, "Just another Thursday" all the time.

Technically, today is Friday.

And the shit that went down today was NOT normal, no matter how much my body, soul and mind want to say it is.

It isn't.

Yesterday? Yesterday was literally a Thursday. And yeah, I killed the Silver Surfer as he was traveling more than a million miles per hour across our galaxy.

I would've been happier to kill the evil planet that follows him, but I felt a lot better after the Silver Surfer was gone, so I'll take it.

And yeah, the guys working on John and his son had to change the Dreamworld, cutting me off from John for a while.

And yeah, his son Zach's soul had to be trapped in a Soul Stone...

But it really was just another Thursday.

Oh - John didn't think so. He's only been in The Order for three weeks. And Zach is his son. He was freaking the fuck out this morning. "What did they do to my son!? He's sleeping!? He's been turned into a horcrux!? What? What!? Wha---"

I grabbed a hold on John and said, "Nick's been split up into a stone. Many of my warriors have. I know this seems like a big deal - but it's not. I promise. Zach will be back to new in no time."

Before Nick left to begin the work in person again, Zach called me. "Thank you! I just wanna say thank you..."

I reached out to him and let him fall into my neck. And as he dropped in for our very first hug, Zachary dug his face into my shoudler and said, "Thank you mom."

Wow.

I reached up, held the back of his head and whispered into his ear, "I will never leave you. I'm not going anywhere, ever..."

No, Today is Friday. It's not 'just another Thursday' at all.

Both Nick and John were beaming. They looked like the Sun.

"He called you MOM!" said Nick.

"What does John think???" I asked. Zach loves my husband Nick, but John is his father.

And I know John loves me. But how would he take it - his kid calling me mom?

I should not have worried. John's face was even more radiant than Nick's.

And then he gave me a kiss than turned so hot, I don't think I will ever forget it.

Yeah. I think John might be just fine with Zach calling me mom.

It's getting late and John and Zach are waiting to watch movies with me. We're going to watch the rest of the Equalizer movies and then we're going to watch the Ocean's 11 movies with Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

Apparently Zach has never seen them. He hasn't seen the series FRIENDS either. I told John he failed as a parent. (He thought I was serious. Sigh. Then he told me he had never seen the show FRIENDS. And I fell even more in love with him. But don't tell Jennifer Aniston that.)

Anyway, the Lord says Zach will love the Ocean's 11 movies. I only recently learned they were based on heists that Gustaf and Ryan Gosling pulled off together with some of the other angels- and even Jerry Weintraub, a wizard.

For example, Danny Ocean is Gustaf and his right hand man is Rusty Ryan, a pseudonym for Ryan Gosling. And you can see his rivalry with Cap in his portrayal of him with the character of Linus.

Reuben, the Jewish money man with all the connections, is really Jerry Weintraub in real life. Steve Wynn really did rip Jerry off when he built the Wynn in Las Vegas. Gustaf was so angry, he made Ocean's 13, which really hurt The Wynn's opening years. He he he.

Basher is Idris Elba, the half genie I'm desperately in love with. And Brad Pitt, my son with Ryan Gosling from another timeline, plays Ryan in the movies too. (The TVA from LOKI used to exist. We destroyed it recently and made one timeline. So a number of celebs on my team have angelic/star blood because I married an angel on another timeline- aka the Multiverse of Madness in Doctor Strange.)

So! Zach should be in for a fun few days, watching these movies.

In the meantime, he's brushing Wolf, Stephan's spirit animal (spirit animals aren't ghosts - they're half flesh and half holy spirit, like unicorns). John brushed Wolf earlier today. It's really helping.

This week I learned that Wolf, when he stands up on his back legs, stretches to Stephan's height: 10 feet! I'm so impressed that Zach and John are already brushing Wolf. I think both are very, very, very talented with supernatural capabilities.

But the big news of the day is killing the Second of the Fallen! Lilith! And her very ugly magical spider - who was not only a nephilim and a horcrux - but was the weaver of the spells that created Spectre (featured in the James Bond films).

We hunted this spider for so long, and then today, Cap said, "I think we're supposed to kill Lilith!!!"

"Right now!?" I asked.

"Yes!"

"What about her spider!?" I asked.

"Both!" Cap (Chris Evans) said.

Holy shit. I mean, I can create and destroy worlds in less than 60 seconds, but only if the Lord gives me permission.

And now the Lord was saying I could kill the second in command to Satan himself - SATAN HIMSELF - with none other than Captain America himself: Chris Evans (who I call Cap).

And, as much as I wanna tell that story, I think I'm going to have to stop writing and take care of my familiy.

Because I have one now.

A real one.

You are my family too. Come join our watch party.

In the meantime, let's pray for a Part 2. Because... lemme tell ya... it's NOT just another Thursday.

Not by a long shot.

Read on! Part 2

[seokminded]

Recreating the scene ♡˚₊‧⁺

Requested by: @aaniag

Seokmin ✗ Paper rings

꒰☆꒱ Genre: childhood BFFs to lovers AU, fluff, slight humor?

꒰☆꒱ Warnings: confessions, slight swearing, a lil' crying, untimely jokes, mini smau included, lots of dialougue, cringe if you're a hater. Missed any lmk.

꒰☆꒱ Wc: 1003

What is it called when you have the uncontrollable urge to constantly be with someone? When you wanna hug them and maaaaybe kiss them? Keep them happy at all costs?

These were some of Seokmins recent thought trains.

He knew he loved you, but could it still be the platonic kind?

Little did he know that he wasn't the only one struggling with such brain rot.

You too spent a good amount of time every day wondering if you were attracted to him. You thought of all the times he made your heart pace up a little:

That one day he ran straight to you after winning the school soccer match.

Or maybe it was when you both were little and he made you a paper ring, promising to marry you one day.

Or was it the day he ki-

You were interrupted by a text message ping from your phone.

Weekly catch-up? Ah right, it was today, you'd almost let it slip from your mind.

Before you knew it, he was in your living room.

Both of you stashed away your nervousness by rambling on about what happened in the week and what happened at work, who said what, and who dissed whom. When the topic came to an end, you decided to steer the conversation.

"Min-ah."

"Hmm?"

"Remember that one time we were in the playground and you proposed to me?"

"I DID WHAT?!"

"Why is your memory so bad?"

"I really did that?! Maybe I was drunk?"

"SEOKMIN WE WERE 5! It was such a wholesome moment why can't you remember?"

This was when Seokmin saw an opening and decided to take a chance.

"I'm sorry! But I have an idea, let's recreate it."

"What do you m-"

"Shh! I'm going into character."

You were confused. What the hell did he mean recreate it? He just said he doesn't remember right?

He had your attention as he cleared his throat, shifted to face you, and took both your hands in his.

"Y/n, there's something I've come to realize about you, about us. I-I think I like you more than a friend. Every time I'm not around you, I can't help but think about you. Every time I think about us, my mind feels a little fuzzy and I can't stop grinning like an idiot. I really don't think there's anyone else who knows me as much as you do. We've grown together, and been together through our highs and lows. So I'll just cut to the chase, I think I'm in love with you."

You forgot to take a breath. D-did he just... No, he's just 'recreating' the scene right?

"Min, um-"

"Hey! Don't interrupt please, I'm not done. Look, I know this all might sound strange but, I just didn't want to ruin the bond we have, honestly, I don't even know how long I've felt like this. Lately, it's just been on my mind and if you don't feel the same, all you need to do is tell me. I completely understand. I'm really sorry for saying it like this. I know it's not the best way to confess. But I really just had to tell you."

His eyes held the truth in his heart and he nervously took in a deep breath.

"Min, you're still recreating right? Or did you mean it?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you meant it." you whispered.

"I meant every word." he whispered back.

And that's when your heart forgot how to beat. All these thoughts of him not feeling the same dissipated as a wave of something new washed over. Succumbing to your instinct, you couldn't hold back the urge to ask,

"What if I don't feel the same Min?"

His face reflected the fear that washed over him. But being the goofy little gremlin that he was, the seriousness of your question didn't stop him from cracking the most untimely joke.

"Then I'll smack you hard on the head so you forget I ever confessed and we can go back to being friends."

Before he could say another word, you launched yourself at him and wrapped him in a hug. Arms around his neck and face burried in his shoulder you were on the verge of tears at the mere thought of ever losing a friend like him.

"Min-ah I like you too! I just didn't know how to tell you but I like you too! I was scared that you don't feel the same so I just kept it to myself."

To be honest, he was a tad bit shocked. But it was all he needed to hear. Reciprocating your hug, he held you close until a stifled sniffle from you alerted him. Breaking away to look at you,

"Hey, are you crying?"

"Minnie I was so scared that I'd lose you if I confessed and you didn't like me back. I'm just really happy right now."

Tears streaked your flush cheeks as he gently wiped them away. As an attempt to hush you, he stroked your hair softly.

"I'm never gonna leave you okay? I'll be right here. Please don't cry."

"Where's my ring?"

"Ring? What do you mean?"

"You were recreating the scene right? In the playground you made me a paper ring and put it on me."

You stretched out your hand to him and wiggled you ring finger.

"I'll accept a paper ring for now," you said in a cheeky tone with a smile decorating your face.

He couldn't help but giggle and flash you the most dazzling smile you've ever seen.

"You're so adorable I could die." Placing a hand behind your head he drew you in closer and placed the softest kiss on your forehead. You giggled and so did he.

In that moment you knew that you were his and he was yours. A love that began at a tender age and finally blossomed after years of growing up in each other company.

You'd really marry this man with paper rings.

TBH this isn't my best work but I wanted to put it out there before I start procrastinating.

Requests open. LMK if you'd like to see similar content!

© 2023 SEOKMINDED. Do not copy, translate or repost any of my works or i'll cry.

˚₊‧ ꒰ 안녕 ꒱ ‧₊˚

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 6 Transcript: Big Yellow Serpent Doe Eyes

[Garageband Good Omens theme song plays]

C: Hello! My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who's seen this show too many times…

G: And I, someone who only knows this show through Crystal, discuss every single episode of Good Omens. 

C: For today’s episode, we are discussing Season 1, Episode 6: “The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives.”

G: Season 1 finale, baby!

C: You thought this episode was just okay.

G: Oh, yeah, I don't like it. It's fine! Okay, 'cause my friend Rese has watched Good Omens and like, has a sibling who is very into Good Omens, so she's well aware of this show and the book and everything. And when I asked her if she watched it herself, she said, "Yeah." And that was like, the end of it. [C laughs] And I was very confused because I asked her this when we have watched like, Season 3 at that point- "Season 3." Episode 3 - at that point, and I was like, "How is it that you watched all this and you feel nothing? Like, you're not even invested in any way, shape, or form, back then or now?" And upon watching this episode, I understand.

C: Ouch.

G: I feel like the only reason why I am this into Good Omens is because I watched it week-per-week. But if I watched it like, you know, like, six hours straight and then it ends this way, I'll be like, "Yeah, I don't really care." Which is such a brutal takedown of this episode. But, like, I really don't care. [laughs]

C: You have told me this many times.

G: Yeah.

C: I think that this does a pretty bad job at resolving the Apocalypse and Adam plot, especially because they cut a lot of, I'd say, the most important lines in the book. But, I mean, like, Aziraphale literally smiled. [G laughs] So like, maybe this is like, great writing, and everyone should download Ecosia, so.

G: It well may be. It's just - it's not - it doesn't- Well, like, it resolves stuff, but not in any way-

C: Not well.

G: - that, you know, like, particularly touched me or anything. And even the Aziraphale and Crowley stuff, you know, like, they went through this super enormous thing together, and then it ends, and it's like, they're just back to who they were before. You know, even if like, "Oh, the world doesn't even know that like, this thing happened, and people forgot that, and people think that everything was just in their imagination" or whatnot, like, Crowley and Aziraphale know, and it should change them somehow. And like, I understand that, like, this episode is like, they were packing a lot into it, it wasn't just Crowley and Aziraphale's story that they're wrapping up.

C: Yeah, they had to do terrible things to other women. [laughs]

G: Yeah. So like, I understand that they didn't have the time. But like, nothing happened last episode! And I understand that, like, you know, when you're doing a TV show, every episode has to have like, a thing and then etc etc, so like- Ah, whatever. You get what I mean. It's just- it feels both rushed and like, also that nothing happens. Yeah.

C: Mm-hm.

G: I'm such a hater. But I mean, I did- I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it.

C: No, this is really good news for me and Season 2. [G laughs] That's what I'm holding onto. I look forward to both of us being absolute despisers of Season 2 and driving away our entire listener base. [both laugh]

G: Also, you know what I said, like, I kept on saying it pretty much ever since our Season 3 episode where I kept saying, "Are you sure that Neil Gaiman did not plan a Season 2 at all? Like, are you so fucking positive? Like, it's impossible! It's impossible that there was not a Season 2 in mind." I kept saying it? There was not a Season 2 in mind. Absolutely not.

C: [laughing] There was not a Season 2 in mind! [both] Absolutely not.

G: So yeah, I believe you now. I'm sorry for ever doubting you, my good friend Crystal.

C: Thank you! Thank you, my good friend Grey.

G: Oh, I have to read the thing. [laughs]

C: Oh, yeah. Hit us with the Fandom Wiki summary, Grey, go!

G: "Armageddon arrives, and Adam must choose between fathers with a little help from Aziraphale and Crowley."

C: That is not what fucking happened.

G: That is such a bad fucking summary.

C: [laughing] Like, it is what happened, but it wasn't

G: Anathema chooses whether she wants to be a descendant. Shadwell wonders how many nipples Tracy has-

C: What?

G: - and Dog breaks through a hedge.

C: What?

G: Who fucking wrote this? And if it's like, a fan, god bless.

C: People did this for free on the Internet to help us. [G laughing] But wow. I would have written something different free on the Internet to help us.

G: This episode is not fun! I mean, it's fun, but it's fine, but like, I don't know.

C: I would have cut out the bodyswap stuff in order to give Adam his book lines back.

G: Hm. Well, is. Is there no body swap in-

C: In the book? No. Neil Gaiman was just like, "Hehehehehe. [G laughs] I talked with Mark Gatiss, and he was like, 'People love when you act like you're smart.'" And Neil Gaiman was like, "I know exactly how to act like I'm smart." And then he did this. And it's fun the first go-around, and then the next go around, you're like, "I don't think that actually works so well." So yeah.

G: What do you mean the next go-around?

C: Like, the first time you watch and you don't know you're like, "Gasp! Egads!" etc. And then the second time- okay, fine, the second time you're like, "It's so fun how Aziraphale’s great at playing Crowley, and Crowley's only mid at playing Aziraphale [G laughs] because it actually shows the opposite thing about the acting abilities of David Tennant and Michael Sheen." And then, like, the third time you're like, "Eh. I wish they'd save this time for something else."

G: I mean, it doesn't matter. I mean, it does matter.

C: I think it's because it just feels emotionally incomplete for- in the book- for them just to go, "I think they'll leave us alone just because they're embarrassed about what happened at the air base." and then they just go back to their lives.

G: Of course.

C: So like, I understand this as like, everyone being like, "Well, no one's gonna believe that they're gonna be left alone unless we do something." But like, I mean, there could just been a prophecy that was like, "And you two will be fine and also make out all the time." [G laughs] Like, I don't think we needed to waste like, 15 minutes on this or whatever.

G: Yeah. Well. We did, though. So.

C: We did. And like, I didn't not have fun about it.

G: I had fun!

C: I just wish that there was better resource management.

-

C: We open in Hell. Dagon, Beelzebub, Hastur, and this usher demon who you described as Jabba the Hutt?

G: I described?

C: I don't know who that is. Is that like, from Star Wars? Didn't you?

G: Oh, yeah! Oh, we have to say that I watch this episode, most of it, about half of it, I guess, while I was on a call with Crystal, so-

C: Yeah, but I was like, muted or whatever.

G: Yeah, Crystal already has some knowledge of how I think/feel about the first few scenes at the very least. Yeah. But I'll check that. Is Jabba the Hutt a real- Yes!

C: Yeah, that's some Star Wars guy or something.

G: He does look like Jabba the Hutt, except Jabba the Hutt is like, larger. So this dude's like a mini Jabba the Hutt.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so baby Jabba, they're all entering a courtroom in Hell, and Crowley gets brought in with hands bound in front of him, wearing a jacket, a tie, and a lot of chest hair.

G: Hell yeah.

C: The usher announces that this is the trial of the demon Crowley, beginning with evidence and ending with utter obliviation. So Crowley comes in, looking like, you know, the coolest guy around and is like, "Hey guys. Nice place you've got here. Could do with some house plants. Maybe a coffee table." So, okay, Grey and I are not gonna pretend that we don't know the twist, so okay, this is Aziraphale. And isn't it so nice that he went to Crowley's place for the first time ever last night, and he was, "Quick! What are some details?" Aww. He's doing such a good job playing Crowley. Like, the "Hey guys," the like, nonchalant, whatever the fuck. And I don't think he ever would have witnessed Crowley interacting with Hell unless they had their own, like, 1800 bookshop chocolate scene. They probably spent a lot of time coaching each other. And also, Aziraphale's a good actor. Better than Crowley. Good for him.

G: Yeah. Aziraphale would have slayed it in the theater.

C: Yeah. Shit, there's actually a fic where Aziraphale plays Hamlet. It is "The Play's the Thing" by volunteerfd. I guess I would recommend the first chapter if you want a laff, spelled l-a-f-f. Crowley next is like, "So there's four of us here? Rubber of bridge? Barbershop quartet?" Aziraphale's having so much fun! So Beelzebub is the judge, Hastur is the prosecutor, and Dagon is just here in case there's anything Crowley did that they all forgot.

G: This may be the first- Is this the one? Is this the first like, time we see Dagon? Because I know we see Dagon kind of in Episode 1, but like, that's just voice.

C: Yeah, I think this is the first time we see him.

G: Amazing look. I love it.

C: Yeah, it's like- what, like, gold and silver scales on the face?

G: Yes. Some kind of marine creature is the inspiration.

C: Yeah, yeah. Seems like it.

G: Isn't it so fascinating that, like, all of them, have like- Like, why is Crowley like, basically- Oh, Crowley has the eyes. I completely forgot.

C: Crowley has the eyes. But no, I mean, people have talked about how like, all the other demons got like, way more visible stuff, and Satan was like, "Crowley, my specialest little girl, I will give you these big, beautiful, yellow serpent doe eyes, [G laughs] and let you live out on Earth drinking wine for the rest of your days while everyone else tortures each other in a damp basement." Beelzebub loses the flies buzzing around zem and like, on the face [overlapping] on Earth, so. But Crowley doesn't get any more demon-looking in Hell, so. Dunno.

G: I mean, that will be if that was the case, I feel.

C: That would be fun. Yeah. She should get some more snake scales.

G: They didn't even give her a fucking serpent tongue. Like, a split tongue. Boo!

C: I know! I know!

G: That could have been it, you guys.

C: The book says that Crowley could do really weird things with their tongue, and I would've liked to see it.

G: Hell yeah!

C: Beelzebub says that they built this place especially for Crowley, and he goes, "Guys. You shouldn't have gone to all the trouble. What appears to be the problem?" And then we get really fast zoom back until we're back to Crowley's arrival at the air base. It's a different part of "Bohemian Rhapsody" that plays. This time, it's just the one that goes, "Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah." Which, yeah. Well. [laughs] Maybe so.

G: Yeah. Maybe.

C: And you know, we see what happens before where he and Aziraphale greet each other.

G: You know, I am so sad that we didn't even mention in the last episode the way Crowley is walking, just so beautifully.

C: Oh, yeah, I mean, the hips are really not lying today.

G: Yeah. Was it you who said that, like, David Tennant read the script and saw that Crowley, quote, "saunters" and took that to heart and committed to the bit so hard. You know what? Wonderful.

C: I think that was probably a post or something that you saw.

G: Is it? No, I think you said it to me.

C: I don't think I said it. I think I said that he saw that Crowley was a snake once and committed to that bit.

G: Let us Google- let us search the word "saunter" in our messages.

C: Okay.

G: Oh, there's nothing. [laughs]

C: Huh. I guess I was right, and you were wrong.

G: Sauntered. There's absolutely- I can't believe we've never said the word saunter.

C: The snake- the word snake also doesn't have anything. No. [laughs] Well, there's some interesting messages with the word snake, [G laughing] but there is nothing about David Tennant's hips.

Once more, they and Aziraphale greet each other. They're like, "Leave it to me" about the army human, all cool, and then like, their "Leave it to me" is just to try to say something nice, but really awkwardly. Etc. And then the Them rush by on bikes. In that moment of confusion, when Crowley is no longer concentrating on the Bentley, it blows up.

G: Bye, baby!

C: BohRhap goes, "Any way the wind blows" mournfully over it. And Crowley's so sad about this. She like, sinks to her knees in front of the Bentley and goes, "Ninety years and not a scratch. Now look at you." Is the "not a scratch," like, "There were many scratches, but they were all miracled off," because, like, we did see her crash her car like, four episodes ago. Or like, did Crowley actually take good enough care of this car?

G: I think good enough care, yeah.

C: Aww. Well. Sorry, Crowley. You had it from new. So yeah. Aziraphale’s coming over, panicking about that soldier with the gun, and is like, not letting Crowley have their moment. Like, yelling at him to do something. "I am the nice one. You can't expect me to do the dirty work!"

G: What a fucking brat. [both laughing]

C: Like, you just had your moment in Heaven when you were told that you couldn't possess a body, and you went, "Demons can." and then went down and possessed a body. Like, you can't be back to this, can you? Aziraphale, babe. Come on! Crowley says, "I am having a moment here." And she is. And eventually, Aziraphale just disappears the guard, which you found very amusing during your first watch.

G: I did, yeah.

C: While Shadwell's pointing his exorcism finger at him. So Shadwell once again thinks that this is his doing.

G: God! I hate him so much. Every time I saw him, I was like, "I don't want this guy to be here."

C: He didn't even shoot Adam. That's all he was good for, and he didn't even do it. Eventually, Crowley gets up, sees that there's a bunch of jeeps full of soldiers coming at them, and goes, "Oh, okay, I need to get over the car thing. I'll deal with them." And also picks up the tire iron that fell from the Bentley when it exploded. Souvenir! I think that Crowley's just a souvenir girl, you know?

G: Yeah! In the Philippines, we call them anik-anik girlies, [C laughs] and it's like, girls who like to have anik-anik, which is, you know, stuff. And you know what? Crowley is very much a anik-anik girly.

C: Yeah. For real. Yeah, I mean, his flat is pretty minimalist, so like, we don't see a lot of the souvenirs, but, like, everything that is in his flat seems to have sentimental value, what with the Mona Lisa and the eagle lectern and all that. And I think there's like, certain fics where they have, like, a storage unit with the rest of their souvenirs in it. I feel like they keep something from everyone that's important to them.

So, [sighs] corny-ass thing where Aziraphale's like, "We are here to lick some serious butt!" and Crowley is like, "It's kick butt, Aziraphale." Which- what- what's the point? What's the point of any of this?

G: And also like, the whole like, "Oh, for Heaven's sake," and it's like, "Ooh, I can't believe I just said that." So corny!

C: I feel like- Well, Crowley does make a point to like, swap all the Heavens and Hells in common sayings-

G: Yeah, I've always thought that was fun. I've always thought that was fun.

C: I think that this makes sense to point out because later, Aziraphale in Heaven does say "For Heaven's sake," and it's like, "Aw, fun." like, Crowley is continuing that thing, so.

G: [unenthusiastic] I guess so. [laughs]

C: I guess so.

G: I need to be less of a hater.

C: Well, you know. Be yourself.

G: Yeah. Just be straight up, bro.

C: Just be straight up, bro. RP Tyler tells Mr. Young, "Hey, by the way, Adam and the Them are going over to that air base, and probably, they're gonna be in big trouble. Don't blame me if your son starts World War 3! Tee-hee-hoo-hoo, tee-hee-[both]hoo-hoo." [laughs] And we get the theme song.

G: Do we? Don't we get it after the car explosion?

C: No.

G: Okay.

C: No. Neil Gaiman thought he was soo funny for going, "Don't blame me if he starts World War 3." He's like, "People are really gonna be sitting with that, being like, 'Damn, Neil Gaiman. How'd you do it?' [G laughs] for three minutes." [laughs] God. Congrats to the Writers Guild of America, by the way! [both laughing] Anyway. Back to this. I'm not gonna say the full thing I said about that. There are more important things than Neil Gaiman getting to log off now. [G laughs]

-

C: So we return, and the theme song sort of transforms into like, an old Western version of the same theme song continued from the actual theme, which I thought was fun. And we show, like, the Them standing off against the Horsemen's bikes. And then we go to Anewthma inside the communications hub. As they're peeking around the corner, they see the Four Horsemen there, and Anathema sees their auras, which are, as she says, "Like black holes." Back to the Them, we get shots of like, each of their eyes with the Horseman that they're paralleled with looking at each other. It's still very old Western, very fun. We also get a shot of Adam's socks above his boots.

G: Yeah, which I have claimed outside of this podcast to be one of my favorite character design detail outside of Aziraphale and Crowley. Yeah! I like it. It's nice. His little socks are picking out of his little shoes.

C: It's fun. Yeah. And they're like, bunched up on the top. That's fun.

G: Yeah. We didn't even point out last episode that the Horsemen were like, crying their color, which I thought was really cool. And like, I find it nice that they were like, "Oh, this is their last, you know, the last showdown or whatever. We need to change their get-up a little bit. Like, we need to change their look a little bit," but they can't do really anything. So they just did the tears, and it's like, splattered all over their face. I'm like, "I like that." I think it's a cool look.

C: Yeah, and also, like, Famine's teeth elongated and got really sharp last episode, which I thought was cool

G: Yeah, little sharp-y stuff, yeah.

C: Yeah, yeah, their like, true selves are leaking through their human forms or whatever. It's fun! Inside the communications hub, Anathema and Newt hear people in a bunch of different countries panicking and talking about how "Are you sure this is a good idea?" "There's nuclear strike orders implemented against Belgium," etc, etc. "We can't do the override." All that shit.

G: So we go out, and Death is doing most of the talking. And he's telling Adam, like, "Oh, the world is going to end, and it's because you were born or you exist." And Adam's like, "Well, I didn't ask for it to start."

C: He kinda did, though. Like, he kinda did. Like, he took it back, but he kinda did.

G: He kinda did. No, I mean, yeah, but like, if Adam was like, a completely human, you know, kid, even if he was like," Oh my god! The word should end because I'm so miserable because [overlapping] nobody is downloading Ecosia," [C laughs] it's not like it's going to cause, you know, this kind of Armageddon. So I get what he's trying to say. But he did ask! [laughs] Adam, you did ask. And then we see Aziraphale in Madame Tracy, Crowley, and Shadwell in a fucking like, military truck.

C: But it's not a truck. It's like, a little jeep thing but without a top. It looks like- they're giving like, theme park tour guide, but not even a vehicle big enough to be a theme park tour guide.

G: Yeah, golf court. Golf court? Golf cart.

C: Yes, golf cart. Just like Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing!

G: Yeah! [laughs] That's true.

C: I miss him so much.

G: I miss Benedick so much also.

They all get out of the golf cart, and Crowley just goes, "That's him!" and points at Adam and is like, "Oh, yeah, shoot him! And then you'll save the world and all of that." Shadwell sees the kid and goes, "Well, that's a kid. I'm not gonna shoot a kid." And Aziraphale is just like, "Oh, for fuck's sake-" no, he says, "For Heaven's sake," and then gets the gun from Shadwell and starts pointing it to the kid. And I start cheering, clapping, screaming-

C: You were right!

G: - going, "Shoot that kid! Shoot-!" and you know what? He fucking does. He shoots that fucking kid, baby! [C laughs] And like, what happens is that he goes for the kill. Madame Tracy is like, "No!" And Aziraphale hesitates a bit and asks Crowley for guidance, and Crowley was like, "Yeah, just shoot the kid." [both laugh] So Aziraphale shoots the kid, but Madame Tracy, god bless, she swerves the gun so that it doesn't hit Adam. And, you know, Adam notices that there are, in fact, two people in Madame Tracy, so he was like, "Yeah, I don't like that. Separate yourselves." And so Aziraphale is back to being Michael Sheen.

C: Yeah, in his fun outfit that he's always in. I will say that after all of the emotional buildup about Crowley being against killing kids, [laughs] and all that shit, this is mostly played for laughs, which is fine. But why all the buildup about, like, "You kill him." "No, you kill him. I refuse to do it." "No, like, you-" blah blah blah. And then this is just like, "Okay, it means nothing that Aziraphale pulled the trigger." [both laughing] Like, later, whenever he's talking to Adam, and Adam's just like, "Yeah, this is a normal guy I want in my life." Like, he tried to kill you!! Five minutes ago!

G: This is what I was saying, like, at the end of this episode, it's like nothing happened. Nothing changed. And they're just back to how they were, what I assume how they were like pre-Adam being delivered to Earth, you know? And it's just- it's a bit frustrating because like, look at this. Like, later, Aziraphale literally threatens to never talk to Crowley ever again. Crowley asks Aziraphale to run away to Alpha Centauri, and Aziraphale refuses and blah blah blah. You know, like, so many shit happened, and even this, like, in this episode, it's portrayed as silly and like, funny and like, "Oh my god! Aziraphale shoots a kid but it doesn't work," blah blah blah. It's like, this should have been like, a bigger deal.

C: Yeah. In the book, he doesn't pull the trigger.

G: Huh.

C: Yeah. So it's more okay, I think, that they go back to normal so fast. But yeah, it seems like it should matter that he did. Well, you know what? [laughing] In every episode of Supernatural, Sam or Dean pulls the trigger, and then they go back to normal afterward. [G laughs]

G: Well, that's different. You know that's different.

C: Yeah, it is.

G: It's just so incredibly funny to me that for most of this podcast, I've been saying, "Aziraphale should shoot that kid." [laughs] And then he does, and it's like, it doesn't matter. [laughs]

C: Does not matter. It doesn't.

G: They've been building it up. Fucking building it up.

C: They really have. They did not build it up so much in the book. I think that it's that Good Omens thinks it's a comedy, like, first and foremost, but like, I understand that it's a drama about the most important love story of all time, so like, sometimes those things come into conflict.

G: It's fine. I'm not that offended by it. It's just, "Well." You know.

C: A bit of a letdown, yeah. God. Crowley was so funny for, when Aziraphale was like, "Maybe we should wait." and then she went, "What? Until he grows up?" So true, babygirl.

Also, I'd say, okay, after they separate, like, Aziraphale and Madame Tracy look at each other kind of awkwardly, and then Madame Tracy, like, hightails it back to Shadwell, and is like, holding on his arm or standing behind him or something. Like, okay. Sure. Whatever.

G: Whatever.

C: God, I hate Neil Gaiman.

G: Also, I want to say that Aziraphale, throughout this entire portion, like, in the entire airbase scene, as Michael Sheen, don't you think that he's acting so differently?

C: Um. I mean he is in a combat situation, basically.

G: No, exactly. That's my point. Like, I find it so interesting. Because after I watched this, I went back to- because I was thinking, right, like, most of what we're seeing Aziraphale as recently is lot of tense situations, you know, lots of nervousness and stuff. So what I did was I went back to Episode 1 to look at him, like, before things really went quote, you know, "bad." But like, he doesn't act like this either, you know? So I think it's so fascinating that- I don't know. Maybe it's a script thing. You've read the script. Tell me if it's a script thing. But also, I think like, Michael Sheen decided that, like, Aziraphale in this moment, where it really- it really is like, do or die, will act this way. I find that so fascinating. I am still holding out whether I think it's in character or whatever. But I did find it very fascinating.

C: Well, you know what Will Wood says about that.

G: No, yeah, exactly! I've been thinking about what I said in that episode, that like, yeah, when you're in these kinds of things, you will act out of character. And you know what? Yeah. I also find it fascinating that- I mean, we'll talk about it later, but in the bus stop scene, he's back! That's Aziraphale, you know? So like, this entire scene, it's like, the first time I watched, I was like, "Oh, he's acting so weird." But like, when you think about it, it's like, "Yeah! I sure hope he does." [laughs] You know? But also, it makes him so hot. Go Aziraphale.

C: Go Aziraphale!

-

G: So we go to Anathema and Newt. Eugh. Everybody knows how I feel about this. But they're sitting there, and they figured out that the world is going to axplode and die so, Anathema's like, "Ah! I don't know what we need to do." So she goes and checks a prophecy, and what she picks up is, “He is not what he says he is.”

C: "Agnes, you aren't even trying!"

G: Newt kind of like, starts shifting uncomfortably, and Anathema’s like, “Oh, what is it?” And he reveals that like, “Oh, it's maybe about me. I'm not a computer engineer. I just want to be. But like, I'm actually, really, really shit at computers, and every time I try to do something, the computer explodes and dies.” I can't believe that after this, they were still like, “Oh, no, we can't do anything!" [both laugh] So stupid.

C: It does drag on for a pretty long time.

G: It drags on for so long.

C: Especially because, when you think about it, the only point of his character was to have this unexplained gimmick so that he could touch a computer for one second in the finale.

G: The way everything comes together is soo... Like, it's fine. But, like, come on. What are we supposed to learn from this, you know? I mean, I'm not- Not everything has to have a moral. Sometimes something can just be funny. But like, Newt is not funny! [both laugh] So he needs a fucking moral, so I don't know what the moral is. Well, I mean, I'm just kidding, mostly. God, I hate this guy.

C: Yeah. Well, don't we all.

G: Well, we're back to the fucking Horsemen- [both laughing] and Adam is like-

C: Oh, god! This scene is so bad!

G: Yeah! And Adam is saying like, "Oh, you know, all these people, they're just in your head." And then, like, we zoom out, and it's War brandishing this thing, and the sword is on fire right?

C: Doing cool tricks.

G: Yeah. The sword is on fire, right? And I feel like if I was one of the four children in this team, and I saw this random adult just doing like, sword tricks- I mean, what the fuck is this?

C: I'd be like, "They're so fucking cool."

G: No, I would be like, "What is this? What are you doing?" And she's delivering some kind of monologue.

C: It's just a street performer thing. Like, sorry I don't have any change on me, ma'am.

G: [laughs] Yeah. And she is delivering some kind of speech.

C: The worst dialogue Neil Gaiman has ever done in his life.

G: What is this? What is this?

C: Like, I just- I don't know how someone can be this annoying. Or just- Like, I want a list of every single editor, every single person who ever looked at this script, and if there's a single person who's not a cis man on there, I will be gagged. Like, show these words to anyone with a basic understanding of gender - which Neil clearly doesn't when he says things like "trans in the Tumblr sense," [both laugh] and tell me that they wouldn't put a big red pen through all of it.

G: I mean, okay. 'Cause the thing is, the way this portion ends is with Pepper brandishing the sword, and going, "I believe in peace, bitch." which I actually did quite like.

C: That was fun. I love Pepper.

G: That specific line, I liked. The way it led to that line [C laughing] was so stupid! It was so- It removes some value from that line. Do you know- Okay, here's what-

C: 'Cause it's not about peace. It's just about War being sexist.

G: [laughing] No, exactly. So here's the fucking line. War is just over there brandishing the sword, going, "Little toy for little-" What was it? "Little boys with your toys."

C: "I am War. You were made to serve me, to live in me, and to die in me."

G: And then, like, Pepper says, like, "Oh, my mom says that war is just masculine imperialism executed on a global stage." [C screams] And, War looks at her and points the sword at her and goes, [overlapping] "A little girl. Run home and play with your dollies, little girl." What is this? What is this doing?

C: What?! What?! Huh? Huh? What is this about? What are we talk- What are we doing here?? [both] What's happening? Like, okay, okay. So the point of War being a woman is about the seductiveness of war and like, how that mostly appeals to men, and men are usually the ones being drafted to fight in wars, I guess, right? Though, I mean, like, at this point, we're getting more diversity wins [both laugh] about that, so, it's weird that War is sort of stuck in an earlier era regarding this. And also like, I wouldn't say that the main thing about War is that it excludes women. I wouldn't say that's the thing I would focus.

G: Also, think about it this way, right? Like, what War is saying is like, "Oh, boys want war" or whatever, and Pepper is going, "I don't want war," and War is going, "Well, you're a girl, so go back with your dolls, anyway. So when Pepper says eventually, "I believe in peace, bitch." What's the line? What's the thread here?

C: That doesn't actually go against that War is eschewing, yeah.

G: It's so stupid!

C: Yeah.

G: This is the point in the episode where I go, "Oh, it's bad." [both laugh] The episode is bad, you guys. Like, when this started happening, and I realized that Anathema and Newt are gonna be by each other's side for longer than I anticipated, I was like, "Oh, guys. I don't like this. I don't like this, you guys. It's so- it's pretty bad." And also because, you know, the entire, entire show is based on hyping up the- this. This portion, right?

C: Yep. Yes.

G: If it's like, anticlimactic, that's fine. If they do it well.

C: But they need to know that it's anticlimactic.

G: Yes, if it's anticlimactic, there needs to be- you know, you need to do the- And I wouldn't even say that it's anticlimactic, necessarily, just that it's stupid.

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: So yeah. Anyway, the- She steps on War's foot, and War drops the sword, and Pepper picks it up.

C: She's 11. How hard can she stomp?

G: Oh, you'll be surprised. I feel like kids are not aware about how much things hurt and how much they are capable of hurting people, so they'll just put their heart and soul into everything that they do like. Like, they'll punch you, and they'll punch you really hard because they're not aware that, like, when you're punching them, that's like, you're doing a soft one. So they're like, "I'm doing the best I can! And it's going to hurt as much as you when you're doing the soft one on me," so I get this.

C: Fair. Yeah. Regarding your issue with Pepper's line, they cut- This isn't a great line, but I think it's sort of addresses what you said, where before she does the- before she says all the rest of that stuff, she says, like, "I can play with dolls or not play with dolls, just as I can play with swords or not play with swords, but war is stupid." [G laughs] So at least that was a bit clearer. It's not good, though. It's not a good line. I get why they cut it.

G: Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, picks up the sword and like, doesn't necessarily stab War, just like, points it in War's direction.

C: Yeah, she catches on fire and explodes on dies.

G: And she says, "I believe in peace, bitch" and explode and die. And Pepper drops the sword.

C: She also says that they're Adam's real friends, which I guess is important.

G: At this point, as Pepper drops the sword, [C laughing] I paused the episode, and I'm laughing so hard, guffawing.

C: Yeah, and I'm still on the Zoom.

G: Yeah, Crystal's still on the Zoom. And I go, "Jesus Christ! That's how she beat War? What, is the next kid gonna pick up the sword and go, 'I believe in a clean earth! Everybody download Ecosia!' [C laughing] and then Pollution will die?" And guess what? [C laughing] Guess what fucking what? Brian, right? Brian picks up the sword and goes, "I believe in a clean world." [C screams] And Pollution just fucking disintegrates.

C: Yup. Just melt into a puddle of oil.

G: Yeah. Wow. He believed in Ecosia enough.

C: I think it's also that the Brian actor is not very good. Like, I was not as annoyed when Wensley did the same thing to Famine, but I feel like Brian was trying too hard.

G: Yeah. 'Cause when Wensley did it, it's like, "Yeah. This kid believes in food and a healthy lunch."

C: Yeah, I believe in that.

G: Yeah. And then I like that he goes, "Actually, it's a very good thing."

C: Yeah. He's cute.

G: Yeah. Have you even mentioned the fact that this is the flaming sword?

C: Well, they don't mention it until after Wensley, so I was gonna bring it up then.

G: Anyway, Aziraphale and Crowley are watching this, and Crowley just goes, "Wait! Isn't that your sword?" And yeah. Boo!

C: No? No? I like it.

G: It's fine.

C: I like that Heaven and Gabriel asked Aziraphale about it so many times, which means that they didn't know that it was like, part of the Plan, which I think like, foreshadows how they were able to be so easily taken in by Aziraphale being like, “Oh, but is the Ineffable Plan the same thing as the Great Plan?" because, like, they outsource that shit, and they don't know all the details, and they don't know that this was Aziraphale’s sword. And I also love that it shows, like, the double edgedness of Aziraphale's first act of kindness, and how introducing the idea of danger to the humans via kicking them out of the garden and then introducing the idea of protection to them also introduces the idea of violence, and that this has like, been here the whole time. Isn't that- Is that not fun at all?

G: Yeah. But the sword sucks. It's doesn't look good in any way. [both laughing]

C: [laughing] That was it? That was the entire "boo"??

G: [laughing] I'm just a hater. I hate this episode.

C: Yeah. We also talked about whether or not giving the sword away was a test and if Aziraphale passed, and I feel like that answers the question, doesn't it?

G: I guess. I mean, okay, I'm being swayed to your area. Like, fine. It's cool that this is the sword.

C: Thank you. [laughs] It's fine.

G: It's fine! [laughs] It's fine.

C: It doesn't look very cool, but I mean, I do like that when you look at the details of it, the metal of it is sort of like, charred, and has like, bits of coal and shit stuck to it, whereas, like, before, it was a lot more immaculate 'cause it's like, "Look at the passage of time!"

G: It's been used, yeah.

C: "Look at the way that it's been corrupted as well by like, War and like, human desires." Isn't that neat?

G: Yeah.

C: [laughs] I can't believe I'm defending this show. It may well be.

G: It may well be.

C: Dog also helps take Famine down with Wensley, which I think is cute.

G: Oh, yeah, the fucking dog! It was cute. I don't even know what my gripes are. I mean, I said the Pepper stuff.

C: It's just very underwhelming.

G: Well, I mean, that's the thing with like, hyping anything up and, like, you know, journey, not the destination, blah blah blah! But specifically, like, this scene, at first I was like, as I said, I was laughing about how like, I thought it was so stupid. And then, upon talking to Crystal, you said, "What's nice is that, you know, they're 11 years old. It's such a child  destroying the-"

C: Yeah, the evil monsters under the bed sort of thing. It's a very fairytale approach to it. That makes sense given that that is like, what they believe is true about the world.

G: Yeah. And I guess later on, when it is revealed that it kind of is, like, the world becomes what Adam believes it is, it's like, "Oh, okay, well, this makes sense. It isn't just because they brandished the sword. It's because they believed in it and Adam is there."

C: Yeah, the sword doesn't really matter.

G: Yeah. Well, the thing I wanna say is that, okay, the Horsemen are gone. What does that mean for the world?

C: I don't think they actually died. I think it just means that they're not summoned anymore. They're probably just gonna go back to having their regular jobs.

G: Ah, okay. But why does Death say-

C: Yeah, Death does say that they have "returned to the minds of man," so they probably have lost their physical forms for a little while, but like, I don't think that actually means that that there isn't gonna be War or Famine or anything any more. I think it just means that they're gonna be individuals.

G: Yeah. But then what's the point of having the fucking Horsemen in the first place? Just to summon the Apocalypse?

C: I mean, once they like, take strong physical form and have their objects, like, I'm assuming that they are able to enact more direct damage to the Earth. When they return to the minds of man, they're just more like, a low-grade evil thing.

G: Yeah. I mean, imagine. Centuries, millennia, of just being like, "I'm here for this one thing," and then you get there, and you're so bad at it it's unreal. [C laughs] Yeah.

C: They really are losers, yeah.

G: Yeah. Every adult in this show's a fucking loser.

C: Yeah. What you said about the world being what Adam believes and stuff did make me appreciate the book version of this scene a bit more 'cause what each of char- I think- I didn't really realize that you would like, read it as just like, the power of the sword. But like, yeah, no, that- it does sort of just look like the power of the sword. But like, in the book, each of them makes like, out of like, sticks and like, leaves and stuff, they make their own like, kid version of the item that the Horseman has, so like, a stick sword, and like,  a daisy crown or whatever for Pollution and stuff, and then they use that as weapons against the Horsemen, and I think that comes across a lot better, 'cause it is just like, "They’re kids. And this is what they believe." I think the one nice thing about this is just that, like, Hell always planned for Warlock to be alone when the Horsemen arrived, and, like, Adam, could not face them on his own. So it's nice that like, he grew up by himself, and he had friends and was chill, so they're like, doing this together. Good for him. But yeah, it's stupid. And I wish that there is- Like, okay, the Pepper "I believe in peace" thing, there's been some build up for that, sure. But like, it's just- I feel like there wasn't enough character work on the kids to make me believe that this is a strongly-held feeling that they have, especially with Brian regarding believing in a clean world. Like, does he? Okay.

G: Yeah. Because here's the thing. Like, "I believe in peace" does not equate believing in a clean world. Do you know what I mean? Like, "I believe in peace" is like, "I don't want war to happen. I believe that peace is good." But, like, "I believe in a clean world" is like, "There's no Pollution!" [both laugh] Do you know what I mean? That's why it sounds so stupid when you say it like that. The "I believe in food and a healthy lunch" falls more in the category of the "I believe in peace" thing. Like, "I believe in a clean world sounds so stupid." Also, like, I think there is some buildup for Wensley, 'cause he does talk about lunch quite a bit, right?

C: That's true. He really does want to go for lunch.

G: Yeah. Very delicious and very healthy lunch at home.

C: Yeah. Later, in all the shots, Brian's standing off to the fucking edge. Like, he's not even in shot for most of the rest, [G laughs] even though Pepper and Wensley are in the background all the time. So like, they really did not give a shit about that kid. [G laughs]

-

G: Anyway, we go to Hell, and Beelzebub and Dagon are like, up front. All the demons are there. They're all waiting for the signal to go on Earth and start the Apocalypse. [laughs] I love this scene. I love it. Beelzebub tells Dagon to encourage the troops, so he does, and he goes like, "So, you guys, we're going to fight against the army of angels. All of you were angels once, and we fought in this glorious revolution! And we lost. [laughs] But that was then, and we have thousands of years to get tougher."

C: Tougher!

G: Yeah, he's trying to do the thing where it's like, "I say a word, and you say back to me." So it's like, "Tougher, smarter, and more dangerous!"

C: Smarter. More dangerous!

G: And it sounds soo funny. You know, I am a bit sad that we don't see Dagon before this. I think Dagon is so fun.

C: Yeah. Pretty cool.

G: Lord of the Files!

C: Lord of the Files, baby.

G: Beelzebub stops this whole commotion, though, and says that something is wrong because the Apocalypse is, in fact, not happening. So we go back to Anathema and Newt. Anathema just goes like, “Well, if every time you fix the computer it destroys itself, why don't you try fixing this so it'll destroy itself?” And he does, and it works. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. That is an accurate summary of it.

G: That is the fucking punchline to the entire buildup.

C: His whole thing.

G: Yeah. Death is like, over there, standing by himself. And he goes, "Yeah. t's not gonna happen, you guys. I'm not gonna die." And then he disappears.

C: Okay, he says, "Good day, gentlemen," and then Madame Tracy says, "Cheek" and Pepper says "Cheek." Is that because he said gentlemen, and they're the two women who are in the scene at the time? Like, is that what that was about?

G: I didn't read it this that, I guess.

C: What did you read it as? Just like, "Oh, like, he's being full of himself by saying that he'll never die"?

G: Yeah.

C: Okay. I hope it was that. It's weird that they were the two that said "Cheek."

G: Yeah. I get what you mean.

C: I mean, I hope it wasn't that-

G: I hope that's not the intention.

C: - but that would sure be crazy. [G laughs] Neil Gaiman is just like, "Oh, these supernatural beings are sexless, and they don't understand gender. But also, Death is sexist." Like, War is also sexist, but I get that. She was an invention of humanity. But Death cannot be sexist, right? Like, that's actual Death.

G: Yeah. Death disappears.

C: Uglyass visuals.

G: There's like- Oh, by the way, we haven't been talking about the God narrations. They're stupid.

C: It doesn't matter.

G: None of it matters.

C: Like, we already know everything. It's like, yeah, the Them are facing off against the Horsemen. I can see it on my TV screen, God.

G: Anyway, Aziraphale is, you know, having fun. He is quite happy. Like, "Oh my god! You see? It's over."

C: He says, "It' just- It's as I've always said." which [laughs], bro, you did not- you were not always saying this. [G laughing] You tried to shoot an 11-year-old five minutes ago.

G: Literally!

C: You were not saying this. You didn't say any of it. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. Crowley is a bit more apprehensive because, you know, Heaven and Hell still want to duke it out, so she goes to Adam and says, "Yeah. You know, good job for saving the world, etc. But it won't make a difference because, you know. They still want their war." And Anathema comes out, and Newt is also there, and she sees Crowley and Aziraphale, and she's like, “Oh my god! You guys stole my book!” Crowley throws the book back at her, and, I don't know. There's like, a little- a thing that falls out, flies down.

C: Yeah, it's a prophecy scrap.

G: Yeah, Aziraphale catches it. God, Aziraphale looks so good this episode.

C: Good for him.

G: Anathema asks like, the situation, and at first, Crowley and Aziraphale are like, "No, we're not- we're not- It's too long." But she's like, "No, come on." And Aziraphale starts from the very beginning -

C: [laughs] He's so cute.

G: - and starts talking about like, "Oh, like, in the garden, there was a- [both] well, he was a wily old serpent."

C: Aw. "And I was technically on apple tree duty."

G: On apple fucking tree duty.

C: He's soo cute. And the whole time, Crowley's looking at him like, "Man, are you serious?" and then at the end, sort of goes like, "Shh-shh," and like, does like, the choir director gesture to shut your mouth. And I think that they're so cute and also in love.

G: And speaking of in love-

C: God!

G: Adam asks if, you know, Anathema stopped the blowing up the world shit, and she goes, "Yeah. My boyfriend helped me." [C groans]

C: What if we just all died forever.

G: While watching this episode, I tried to examine my heart and soul, and I was like, "You know, maybe I'm judging Newt too harshly, and maybe I shan't- Like, maybe I should accept love in my heart or whatever." [C laughs] And then I woke up the next day, and I decided that I shall never accept Newt ever in my life.

C: Good.

G: Do any of these people show up in Season 2? I doubt it. I don't think it's that kind of season.

C: You'll see, I suppose.

G: Ugh. I hope Newt disappears forever. God.

C: Why would Anathema decide this? What would make her want this? What is even happening? She's not into him. She isn't.

G: I mean, the thing is, I am a firm believer of like, "You know, like, sometimes you can't explain love," blah blah blah. But like, this isn't that, you know? This isn't like, "Oh, they have this inexplicable connection." [C laughs] It's that Neil Gaiman is so bad [laughing] at writing Anathema and Newt.

C: At writing, period.

G: Yeah. So, yeah. I hate it so much.

C: It's the worst.

G: It's like, "Oh, there's a guy. And there's a girl. Oh my god!" You know, it's like that.

C: Can I make it any more obvious?

G: It's so bad, you guys. It's so bad.

C: It's so- And the worst part is when Pepper looks at Anathema and shakes her head and goes, "Another deluded victim of the patriarchy."

G: [laughing] And she is.

C: She- [laughing] she li- Like, it's such- it's like a lamp-shaded, like, "Oh, I know that you guys are gonna like, not like this relationship, so I'm just gonna toss this line in to be like, 'If you don't like this, you're stupid. You're stupid. You're like Pepper saying a stupid sentence. How do you feel about being stupid, huh? Now, accept Anewthema into your heart before I kill you.'" [G laughs] Like, Neil Gaiman, you can just kill me. [both laugh] Anyway. This doesn't matter. Except it does, and I'm so mad. [G laughs]

G: I hate it so much. No, I hate it so much.

C: I just- all of Pepper's things are like, "Oh, isn't it so funny that this-"

G: "I'm a girl! And I'm going to say something that a girl would say." Fuck off.

C: Yeah, "I'm a girl!" But it's more like, "I'm a girl, and my mom is a sociology professor-" and I think the main joke is supposed to be that she uses big words, but it is just like a, "I'm a girl, and I'm against sexism, but I don't actually understand feminism, and everything I say is just to feminism seem stupid!" Like, okay. Thanks, Neil Gaiman.

G: Yeah. And I also don't wanna come off as like, "I hate straight ships," whatever. [C laughing]

C: What?

G: No, that is a concern of mine. But, like, I- [laughs] It's so bad, though, you guys. Like, if you want me to ship a straight ship, why not make it good?

C: Yeah. If you want me to ship a straight ship, why not make it not straight? [G laughs] Yeah. God, they're so boring. They're so boring.

G: It's so bad!

C: Like, it's a fun premise. It's literally like, a witch and a witchfinder, like, the descendant of two people who, like, one of them killed the other one. It's a fun concept. And this is just not- It's not doing anything for me due to how it is bad, and how she's like, literally not into him.

G: Yeah. And like, you know, this could- exact same story, but like- I mean exact same like, script, maybe, but like, they make- like, if they checked for like, "Oh, do these two actors have chemistry?" [C laughs] It's just that they also don't! There's nothing!

C: Yeah. Yeah. Newt's whole thing is just like, "I'm a nervous virgin, and like, this is like, a girl who's hot and in my area." And like, yeah, sure. And Anathema's just not into him!

G: And she's not. She's not, you guys.

C: She's not into him, so I don't get it. Anyway, yeah, she is literally an aromantic lesbian, and I think part of that is because [laughs] her actress isn't very good at having chemistry with Newt's actor. But you know what, it gave me my headcanon, and I'm gonna sit with that headcanon and curse Neil Gaiman and everything. Oh, also, I think the prophecy specifically says, "When all is said and all is done, you must choose your faces wisely, for soon enough you will be playing with fire."

-

C: Alright, so, Gabriel and Beelzebub appear out of- Well, Gabriel's a lightning bolt and Beelzebub rises from the ground. And Beelzebub's Earth look, different from zir Hell one. There's no blood on the face, and there's like, a very fun furry fly hat thing. Gabriel looks the same as ever.

G: By the way, I have a question. 'Cause like, in Heaven, they have gold accents. Does Gabriel have one?

C: I don't think so.

G: Huh. Why is that?

C: Yeah, I mean, I think it's just a fashion thing, so he was just like, "Not for me."

G: He DGAF. Yeah, I don't know. I just found, now that I notice that like, "Oh, the only two ones who don't have anything are Gabriel and Aziraphale," and I was trying to think if that means anything. But I don't know. Maybe, probably not.

C: Yeah, I think Gabriel's thing is that he has violet eyes.

G: Yeah, I suppose.

C: Like, that's his his Heaven fashion thing. But yeah, you're right. It is a little odd.

G: Also, I know some spoilers from Season 2.

C: Oh, regarding-

G: Beelzebub? Yeah.

C: And- yeah.

G: Gabriel, yeah. So. First meeting! Is it- are they- I mean, tell me if like-

C: If they're compelling in any way, shape, or form. No. What?

G: Do the fandom like them?

C: Neil Gaiman literally fucking- He needs to log off before he becomes the worst writer [G laughs] that anyone's ever seen.

G: [laughing] That's not my question.

C: And he said that when he originally wrote them, there was like, nothing there, and then he was like, "Oh, but then I saw, like, the way the fandom reacted to them, and then I was like, 'Oh, that could be interesting!' So then I put it in Season 2." Like, log off! Log off! [G laughing] Never darken my Tumblr door step anymore. Like, what's wrong with you? [G laughing] Like, oh, you're just gonna make a fandom crackship canon. Okay. Whatever. Log off! But yeah, they were sort of pair-the-sparesed together after Season 1. I don't- I don't wanna disparage anyone who like, ships them genuinely. Like, go for it. It's an interesting concept, and, I mean, they do seem to have like, a rapport that could be built up after this. Live your life. Neil Gaiman, be fucking for real.

Crowley does like, a fun little mocking curtsy when the two of them appear, and Aziraphale straightens his bow tie. Beelzebub calls Crowley a traitor, and eventually, you know, they go-

G: "That's not a nice word."

C: [laughs] "All the other words I have for you are worse." They go up to Adam, and Gabriel's, very like, brisk, clasping his hands, like, "Hi. Young man. Armageddon must restart right now." and his argument is that this battle is for the greater good. Beelzebub is saying that this is Adam's destiny, "It is written, so start the war." Adam's like, "You both want to end the world just to see whose gang is best?" And Gabriel is like, "Yeah, I mean, it's the Great Plan. It's the point of the creation of the Earth."

G: I found that fascinating that that's the point of the creation of the Earth. Just to be a fucking playground.

C: Yeah, yeah. It's interesting. It does make me wonder- like, we discussed what the actual Apocalypse was gonna be, and we still don't really know. Like, what was the point of the humans if Earth was just supposed to be the battleground for good and evil or whatever the fuck, right? G: Yeah. Like, why make life in the first place?

C: Yeah. We don't get a lot of details about that. And it is, like, heavily implied that it's just a battleground, blah blah blah.

G: It's not even, you know, like, last or whatever episode, you said, like, maybe it's like, "The amount of souls that they get influences their power." But then, like, we hear, like, when Dagon was doing the speech, he goes, "All of you used to be angels." So that's not the case.

C: Yeah, yeah. So like, none of the demons are like, humans who went to Hell. Like, those people are not gonna battle it out at all. Yeah. And also, there's the deleted scene I didn't mention last time where Aziraphale possesses like, a televangelist or a radio evangelist, or whatever. And when he's describing the Apocalypse, which I'm assuming is a pretty accurate description, he's just saying that, yeah, like, people are just going to- like, it's just gonna be Heaven and Hell fighting, and he says that like, there's not going to be any rapture. Like, "who has time to go round popping people up in the air to sneer at the people dying below them?" You know, he also says that it's just gonna be fire falling, seas turning to blood. He says, "You lot are all going to be civilian casualties. Whatever side you're on, they're going to kill everyone and let God sort it out." So like, yeah, what was the point of humanity if that-? But like, I mean, I guess these questions are the point, right? The point is that the Apocalypse wasn't supposed to happen, and this was a test of Adam the whole time, right?

G: Yeah. Well, test of Adam?

C: Yeah. What do you think?

G: You think it's a test of Adam?

C: Doesn't it make sense? Like, God sent Jesus to live among the humans. It's the same thing. Like, "Let's send the son of Satan to live among the humans and see if he's able to pick up free will and like, love for the earth." Who do you think it's a test of?

G: I mean, there's the whole apple-eating business at the end. I've been trying to think about it, but not too much, [laughs] 'cause I'm thinking about other things. I mean, my point is like, I did try to think about it, and I'm like, "Man, who even give a shit," and then I stopped thinking about it, hoping that you have thought about it. Let's get into it later.

C: Okay, well, I have, and I've concluded that- Anyway. Yeah, that's the entire reason for the creation of the Earth, etc. And then Beelzebub tries with, "Hey, Adam, like, when all this is over, you're going to get to rule the world. Don't you want to rule the world?" But Adam says-

G: I love the way Beelzebub talks so much. I feel like this is the first episode where I actually got to hear them, like, speak for long, 'cause, I mean, we heard them, I think, in Episode 1, but like, not much!

C: Yeah.

G: Crowley goes to Hell and then talks, and, you know.

C: Yeah, ze says some things.

G: Yeah, some things. But like, this is the first one that's like, you know, prolonged speaking. Oh, and what a lovely speech pattern! And like, my first thought was like, "Maybe Crowley got the drama from somewhere."

C: Maybe so. Adam goes, "It's hard enough having to think of things for Pepper and Wensley and Brian to do all the time so they don't get bored. I've got all the world I want."

G: That's such a funny fucking line. I love it so much.

C: And okay, these are like, Adam's two lines here are, you know, like, "All the world I want" and earlier, "You just want to see whose gang is best," and that is- Neil Gaiman cut a lot. Adam's speech in the book is way way way longer. Like, his first thing, before he gets to this point is about like, "'I don't see why everything has to be destroyed. Like, even if you win, you can't really beat the other side, because you don't really want to. I mean, not for good. You'll just start all over again. You'll just keep on sending people like these two,' he pointed to Crowley and Aziraphale, 'to mess people around. It's hard enough being people as it is, without other people coming and messing you around.'" which, like, I think some of that is covered in Aziraphale’s speech to the angels, like, before they try to Fall him or discorporate him or whatever. So sure. Okay, we have some of that. I think it's unfortunate that it was given to a not-human character when it it's like, meant to be a book about humanism, whatever. Then he goes on and says some shit about how, like, "Anyway, if you stop telling people it's all sorted out after they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive. If I was in charge, I'd try making people live a lot longer, like ole Methuselah. It'd be a lot more interesting, and they might start thinking about the sort of things they're doing to all the environment and ecology, because they'll still be around in a hundred years." So like, he cut that. It's nice to have to let Adam have a moment, and it's unfortunate that he didn't. So then, after that, in the book and in the show, Gabriel and the Beelzebub are talking about how "You can't just refuse your birth, your destiny." Blah blah blah. And Adam first says like, "I'm not rebelling against anything. I'm pointing out things. Seems to me you can't blame people for pointing out things. Seems to me it'd be a lot better not to start fighting and just see what people do. If you stop messing them about, they might start thinking properly, and they might stop messing the world about. I'm not saying they would, but they might." So like, again, nice that he gets time. Back to show, right? So Aziraphale goes up and stands behind Adam's shoulder and says, "Excuse me. You keep talking about the Great Plan. One thing I'm not clear on, is that the Ineffable Plan?" And Gabriel and Beelzebub start looking confused, and Beelzebub goes, "The Great Plan. It izz written. There shall be a world, and it shall last for 6000 years and end in fire and flame." And Aziraphale again is like, "Okay, yeah, yeah, that's the Great Plan. But like, is that also the Ineffable Plan?" And Crowley realizes-

G: In the back, yeah.

C: - what Aziraphale is going for. And then she goes up and stands behind Adam's other shoulder, and doing her fun little stammering thing the whole time, is like, "Well, it would be a pity if you thought you were doing what the Great Plan said, but you were actually going directly against God's Ineffable Plan. I mean, everyone knows the Great Plan, yeah? And then it cuts to Anathema nodding and Newt shaking his head, which I thought was fun. And then they go, "But the Ineffable Plan is- well, it's ineffable, isn't it? By definition we can't know it." Gabriel and Beelzebub, getting confused at this. And Gabriel goes, "God does not play games with the universe." [both] And Crowley goes, "Where have you been?" And, okay, here is where there's a line that I'm so angry Neil Gaiman cut. So Adam, okay, after Crowley says this, book goes, "Everyone found their eyes turning toward Adam. He seemed to be thinking very carefully. Then, he said, 'I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out.' A breeze swept across the airfield. Overhead, the assembled host rippled like a mirage. There was the kind of silence there might have been on the day before creation. Adam stood smiling at the two of them, a small figure perfectly poised exactly between Heaven and Hell." And then this is when the Metatron in the book- who's, instead of Gabriel- this is when the Metatron and Beelzebub are like, "Okay, let's go back to head office and hash this out." Like, Neil Gaiman cutting this line, like, completely changes, like, the tone of this scene, right? Like, in the book like, this is the convincing line. Like, "It doesn't matter what is written. If it's about humans, it can always be crossed out in the show." But in the show, it's just like, "Haha! Funny! They're like, confused about like, bureaucracy and titles of things." Like, who give a shit?

G: Yeah, I mean, because the thing is, I've brought up constantly that this show is playing with, you know, themes of- what's that? [both] Free will, fate, whatever whatever. And, you know, [laughs] like, the whole like, "Well, I mean, the actual plan is different from the plan that you were told, so like-" It doesn't fly with me. Like, when it was said, I was like, "Oh, Jesus fucking Christ." So I think if they put that Adam line in there, I would like it so, so, so, so much more. Yeah.

C: Yeah. So would I! So would I, Grey. I would also like it a lot more.

G: What they're trying to say here is that, "Oh, you think this is the plan. But actually, it isn't. And you're wrong about which plan there is."

C: "God is confusing, and you don't get it."

G: Yeah, the whole point should be like, "It doesn't matter if there's a plan. Like, it doesn't matter."

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Oh, they character assassinated my little boy.

C: They did. They character assassinated Adam. Like, god. I just can't believe Neil Gaiman, a writer who claims to have an understanding of things like theme, [G laughs] would just completely misunderstand what he wrote in the first place or decide to rewrite it into a way less interesting and way worse version. Like, you fucked everything by taking that line out, Neil Gaiman!

G: Probably.

C: It's so, so, so so so annoying. The only interesting thing about- Okay, so yeah, basically, you know, the two of them, Gabriel and Beelzebub, they like, have a word in private, and they're like, "Ah, shit. We're gonna have to call off the war. Imagine how annoying that's gonna be for both of us." blah blah blah. But I am sort of interested in how both sides still are doing things according to the Plan. Like, Hell didn't lose faith in God. They just don't really like how Heaven operates. Like, they don't even have an issue with any of God's plans. They aren't trying to go against them. They're like, once they think they're going against God's plans, they stop doing the thing. That's like, interesting, I guess.

G: Yeah, I think it is interesting, and it also distinctly separates Crowley and Aziraphale from the lot. And by "the lot," I mean angels and demons alike.

C: Yeah. It does. Yup.

G: Except [laughs], the way they do it in the TV show is so bad! Now I understand what you're saying. Like, "Don't you think it's a test of Adam?" And it's like, yeah! I mean, if it was the book, like, yeah, it's a test of Adam. But like, literally, in the TV show, it's a test of Aziraphale, like, we've been saying this. And I feel like that does make it a weaker story.

C: That's true. Yeah. Yeah, it does. Ah! So-

G: Whatever.

C: Whateber. So Gabe turns back around and goes, “Well, at least we know whose fault it is!”

G: And then they give a little wave!

C: Yeah. Yeah. Aziraphale does a cute little wave, and Crowley does like, a grimace grin, and Adam just stands there. They're cute. And, you know, Gabriel and Beelzebub finish up with, "Young man. You were put on this earth for one reason and one reason only. To end it! You're a disobedient little brat, and I hope someone tells your father." and Beelzebub informs everyone that they will tell his father, and his father will not be pleased. Great-

G: Who told- [both laughing]

C: Okay, so Beelzebub just insta-send messages to Satan, or...

G: Yeah.

C: Grey, I'm giving you an opening!

G: No! [laughing] I don't even know how to do it?

C: What?

G: Man, who told that fucking journalist? [both laughing]

C: I know, but I was like, talking over you, so I thought you might want a clean take-

G: [laughing] I think this joke is too inside. This joke is too inside to make any sense to anyone. [C laughs]

C: Okay, you know the point- the point of us saying this on the podcast is just so that we can like, post the video on our Tumblr-

G: Continue referencing it. Yeah. [laughs]

C: Okay, guys, we're gonna post a link to a YouTube video on our Tumblr [G laughing], and it's going to be a comparison of two scenes of David Tennant playing like, Alec Hardy, or whatever his name is- yeah, Alec Hardy in Broadchurch, and then in the American remake of Broadchurch, called Gracepoint. It's gonna be 26 minutes- sorry. 26 seconds.

G: 26 seconds long!

C: Sorry, it's gonna be 26 seconds long. I encourage everyone, especially people who have American accents, to watch it. [G laughing]

G: It is the funniest 26 seconds you will ever spend in your life. [C laughs] Yeah. "Who told that jurnalist?"

C: Grey and I independently changed our Discord statuses to the same line in that video-

G: At the same time!

C: - it's soo funny! What if it's not even funny? [laughing] Okay, everyone, if you watch it, you have to go into our inbox and tell that it's the funniest thing ever. Thank you! [G laughs]

G: No, but like, the thing is, the family's lives are destroyed, and we screw it up and make it worse! [both laughing] It's so bad! Oh, god.

C: Okay. Anyway! So, so, so. Okay, so Gabriel and Beelzebub disappear. And then there's another interaction between Anathema and Adam this time that's in the book that Neil Gaiman cut, and I don't like it. I don't like that they cut it. So that scene goes, "'But you can't just leave it at that! said Anathema, pushing forward. 'Think of all the things you could do! Good things.' 'Like what?' said Adam suspiciously. 'Well, you could bring all the whales back, to start with.' He put his head on one side. 'And that'd stopped people killing them?' She hesitated. It would have been nice to say yes. 'And if people do start killing 'em, what would you ask me to do about 'em?' said Adam. 'No. I reckon I'm gettin' the hang of this now. Once I start messing around like that, there'd be no stopping it. Seems to me the only sensible thing is for people to know if they kill a whale, they've got a dead whale.'" It's a nice interaction. I just- of all the things I listed, definitely want the "It can be crossed out if it's about humans." Everything else, I can take or leave, but I just think that, like, in terms of how you're allocating time during the episode, like, just give Adam more lines. He can just have any of the ones in the book. There's a plethora of lines in the book you could just give him so that he has more screentime so that this is about free will and humanity and the Apocalypse instead of about just anything else. How Neil Gaiman thinks he's so smart for doing a body swap. You know? You know? You know? That'd be nice. Like, he had enough time to just throw in Anathema going, "There are no volcanoes in England!" but like, he doesn't have time for any of the rest of this shit. Like, fuck off. It's not even funny. It's not funny!

G: I mean, the thing, I think the main mistake is that- I wouldn't call it mistake. I like that it happened. Whatever. The main thing, the main difference would be that the book is about themes and motifs and whatnot, it appears to be, I guess, but the show is about Aziraphale and Crowley. If you wanted to make a show about Aziraphale  and Crowley, then just write a different story. Like, write a before the Apocalypse or after the Apocalypse story.

C: Maybe you'll like, Season 2.

G: [laughs] Shut up. No, but the thing is like, if you're trying to write this story, and then you decide 30 years into it being written that, "Oh, I'm going to make it about just mostly about these two specific characters specifically," it becomes, like, it comes with diminishing the  other characters in the story. So now, instead of like, having a full body of a story, it's like, there's this good parts, and then we're skipping through the ones that are bad. We're like, fucking pushing through with it. And that is very much what this episode feels like. Like, we're just pushing through with the Adam scenes and the Anathema scenes and the Shadwell and Tracy scenes. Because, like, "Oh, we need to go back to the Aziraphale and Crowley stuff." It's like, "Why don't you just make everything good?" [C laughing] Just make everything good, you know?

C: Yeah. That'd be nice. I would like if everything was good. Oh well.

G: Just kill Newt, Neil Gaiman. [C laughs] You can do it. Like, what if Satan, like, rose from the depths of Hell and then just killed Newt? [C laughing] And then the rest of the scene happened, and then he, you know, erupts into flames or whatever? But Newt is dead! Perma-dead, even.

C: Yeah. What if?

G: Adam doesn't bother to bring him back, yeah.

C: Yeah. Maybe Shadwell can also be caught by a stray flame, you know? If we're dreaming big.

G: I mean, they perma-killed Ligur, I believe.

C: They did, I think. Or else it would've been him bringing the hellfire up.

G: Yeah, or like, he would be in the trial. They should have fucking perma-killed that- I'm such a hater. [C laughs] I'm so sorry. Are there people who genuinely like Newt?

C: Yeah, I think so.

G: Ugh. Why?

C: I think that he- doesn't he have like, a certain brand of like, white boy charm that some people are into? Like, some people like, when men are bubbling-

G: I feel so bad for straight girls. [C laughing] I feel so bad for them. Am I allowed to say that? Is that so condescending? I mean that genuinely. I do feel bad for them. [both laughing]

C: [laughing] Does that not make- Does that make it less or more condescending? [G laughs] I mean, I'm sure there are girls who aren't straight who are into him.

G: Yeah. But at least they have other options.

C: Yeah. Straight girls also have other options. There's other men out there.

G: Yeah, but if you like Newt... It's over for you. [both laughing]

C: So the ground starts shaking. Crowley's hit with like, a sudden burst of pain and falls to the floor. And they can sense that Satan's coming up. And we have a horrible moment with Shadwell and Tracy where he's like, "If anyone wants to hurt the w-slur of Babylon, they're gonna have to get past me!" and she's like, so into it, and going like, "Oh, Mr. Shadwell!" and clutching onto him and shit. Crowley says that like, "There is nothing we can do about this." Okay, let me find the specific line. Okay, well, first he goes to Aziraphale, like, "Well, that was that. It was nice knowing you." And Aziraphale says, “We can't give up now.” And Crowley says, “This is Satan himself. It isn't about Armageddon. This is personal. We are fucked!” And she's looking up at Aziraphale with her big yellow serpent doe eyes, and then Aziraphale picks up his flaming sword-

G: His sword. It's not flaming yet.

C: Okay, his not flaming sword. and he goes, "Come up with something, or..." and then he raises his sword, which he previously had by his side, and Crowley looks at him with like, this disbelieving expression on his face, and then Aziraphale lowers the sword and goes, "Or I'm never gonna talk to you-" or "I'll never talk to you again." And you had some thoughts about this.

G: I mean, my thoughts were, "Wow! That sure did happen." [C laughs]

C: Nothing else? Okay. Well.

G: What are your thoughts? And I'll cheers to it or something.

C: I, okay, I would first like to point out the deviations from the script here, because what it says in the script is, "Aziraphale picks up the sword from the ground, and holds it awkwardly, as if it might go off. He’s not threatening Crowley with it, just making his point that he can do dangerous out-of-character things if he needs to." And then it goes, "Aziraphale: Come up with something, or . . . Or I’m never going to talk to you again." And then it goes, "Crowley nods. That one hurts. What the hell. Crowley snaps his fingers . . . and time stops." But he is threatening them with it in the show. Like, it's not just holding the sword awkwardly. He raises it on the "or" before putting it back down. Like, it is like, a very quick second of like, "Oh, god! Like, obviously, I can't actually do this." But he does raise the sword! Like, that sure does happen. And, well. Wow! G: Oh! I remember why you think I have something to say about it is because I did say something to you about it, which is that I cannot imagine like, Crowley after this still being like, "Yeah, we're fine." I said that, right? Well.

C: Yeah.  You said that- did you say something specific about how there's no way he comes out of this thinking that Aziraphale loves him or something?

G: Yeah, I think that's what I said, yeah.

C: And you still feel that way?

G: I don't know.

C: Honestly, I find it more hurtful that Aziraphale wouldn't let her have her moment with the car than this. [laughs] Like, this barely is a blip on my radar.

G: I mean, they need to do a lot of talking. Lots of talking. And they won't even fucking do it! There's ask that we received that I've been thinking about a lot. The one that asked like, "Oh, isn't it so wild that Aziraphale and Crowley will just have a fight and then, like, never talk about it ever, and then, like, somehow, they're fine still?" And you said that like, the way they are with their head offices and stuff is like, they'll tell head office something, and then head office will go like, "Okay" or "Boo" or whatever, but like, there's no like, actual way to like, redeem yourself or whatever, so it's very much a "We have a disagreement. Let's not talk for a while." And then we talk again. "Fine. I don't really care about the disagreement anymore. Let's proceed." And I was thinking about that, and then I was thinking about how Crowley does say sorry in Episode 4, but it's not- It's not understood. It's not a "sorry" that is like, "I did something wrong, and I understand, and this is how we fix it." It's still in the vein of, "Let's just put it aside. Let's just- let's just forget about it."

C: Yeah. "Whatever I said, I didn't mean it." Like, you probably did, though.

G: Yeah. And this one, the "Come up with something, or I'll never talk to you again." I don't think Aziraphale means it, but it's the fact that it is said to hurt Crowley. Like, that is the point, right? Like, this is said to be like, "I will hurt you. I have the ability to hurt you, and I will do it if you don't do this." And like, whether it will actually be done or not, that's not the point. The point is the threat. And, I don't know. These are just threads. I have no point to make. It's just-

C: Yeah. Nor do I. Yeah, this is like, "Well, what's the worst thing I could do to them? This." Which is, wow.

G: And the answer is just "never talk to you again."

C: Yeah. The last time I had a conversation about this was like, four years ago or something. And I think one of my friends was like, “And Aziraphale was so mean in that scene,” and I was like, so lost in the Aziraphale sauce that I was like, "Well, he's just stating a fact. [laughs] If they all die, they really can't talk to each other again." I don't think that's true. Or, I mean, it is true, but I don't think that's what he meant. But like, it does make me think about the prescriptive versus descriptive argument for the Garden of Eden, where God tells, like, Adam and Eve like, "If you eat the fruit, you'll die." And like, people's like, debate is like, "Does God mean that like, 'This is just gonna happen as a side effect of the fruit,' or 'Me, upon knowing you eat the fruit, will cause it so that you will die.'" So that's the like- second one's prescriptive, first one's descriptive. And like, this is like, a debate, or like, a conversation we had in like, my Biblical literature class, but like, in the end, it doesn't really matter, 'cause like, God made the fruit and the garden and all that stuff. And yeah, I think that in the end, it doesn't really matter what Aziraphale meant by there 'cause either way, it's still shitty and terrible. But also like, whatever. I honestly don't think Crowley cares about this that much. Like, you think that it hurts her very deeply.

G: I don't think very deeply. Like, the thing is like, the both of them are like, so good with just brushing things off, right? I do- I don't want to say I don't care, but like, I care more about the fact that Aziraphale was like, "I am going to say something hurtful" than, like, whether Crowley was actually hurt. I think the reason why I like Aziraphale so much is because I feel like there is no apprehension in making him mean. He is quite mean, isn't he?

C: Yeah.

G: I like that. [laughing]

C: We got an ask recently that was like, "Does Aziraphale think Crowley's that self-loathing?" And my answer, I was like, "Well, if Aziraphale thought that Crowley, like, hated themself for being a demon, like, surely, he wouldn't say all that shit, right?" But like, [laughs] maybe he would. Maybe he would still say all that shit.

G: Wwe've been doing a whole lot of "When you're, you know, in distress, you do a lot of things out of character." Is it even, you know?

C: Is it even.

G: I know that by the end of Season 2, Aziraphale- I don't actually know what happens at the end of Season 2. I don't know the lead-up to it or whatever.

C: There's not.

G: I don't even know if this is true, I'm just saying it, but I think Aziraphale leaves Crowley. I don't know if that is the truth. Maybe Crowley leaves Aziraphale. Either way, they separate.

C: I'd say that both of them would have different answers to that question.

G: Every single time I come across anything from that episode, Season 2, Episode 6, it's always like, "Aziraphale does something or says something unbelievably mean" or like, severely misunderstanding the situation, or like, stupid or whatever. And it's like, "Yeah." I'm not trying to say that he's a bad person. That's not what I'm trying to say. I'm just saying that, like, people are complex, and I like that he's complex. I think where the crux of this comes from is that he is the angel in the relationship. 'Cause, like, the thing with Crowley, is like, "Oh, Crowley's a demon, but we're trying to prove that Crowley is, you know, good and all that."

C: Yeah. Like, I already knew that, like, day one. Like, you don't have to keep working so hard on that.

G: Yeah, but like, with Aziraphale, it's kind of the opposite thing, right? Like, "Oh, here's an angel, but we have to prove that the angel has bad qualities and stuff." And the thing is like, if we're talking like, bad qualities in terms of the Catholic sense or whatever [C laughs], the fact that he's a hedonist, well, pretty- I mean, yeah. But like, it doesn't flow now to us as our like, modern understanding of good and bad. So Aziraphale does actually have to do things that are bad. I don't know. I mean, from what I understand, we'll see more of this in Season 2, and I'm really looking forward to it! Who would have thought?

C: We'll see. We'll see.

G: Yeah, no? Do you think the the meanness is out of character in Season 2?

C: I don't know. I think that there's an insufficient buildup to whatever his mindset is at the end. [G sighs] But, you know, insufficient buildup to the finales is what Neil Gaiman's all about, baby! So Aziraphale literally said, "Come up with something, or I'll never talk to you again." Ahh! And Crowley stops time. So let's take a little- a little minute, a little minute to compare this scene to the one in the book. I- You're not even gonna have to read the book after this podcast. I literally read aloud every passage that's better. Like, the rest of it- the rest of the book is just like, jokes that aren't funny. [laughs] So-

G: I mean, you didn't- Oh, by the way, I started reading the book, for the audience. You didn't even say one of my favorite lines I've come across so far.

C: Which one?

G: Which is that, "Why are we even talking about Heaven and Hell. These are just words. Like, we both know this is fake." Yeah. "We know that." I like that part so much.

C: Yeah, it's a good line. Yeah. Anyway, so in the book, like, the two of them have like, run to the jeep, and Crowley's like, trying to get away. So it goes:

In the jeep, Crowley was cursing. Aziraphale laid a hand on his shoulder. "There are humans here," he said. "Yes," said Crowley. "And me." "I mean we shouldn't let this happen to them." "Well, what-" Crowley began, and stopped. "I mean, when you think about it, we've got them into enough trouble as it is. You and me. Over the years. What with one thing and another." "We were only doing our jobs," muttered Crowley. "Yes. So what? Lots of people in history have only done their jobs and look at the trouble they caused." "You don't mean we should actually try to stop Him?" "What have you got to lose?" Crowley started to argue, and realized that he hadn't anything. There was nothing he could lose that he hadn't lost already. They couldn't do anything worse to him than he had coming to him already. He felt free at last. He also felt under the seat and found a tire iron. It wouldn't be any good, but then, nothing would. In fact it'd be much more terrible facing the Adversary with anything like a decent weapon. That way you might have a bit of hope, which would make it worse. Aziraphale picked up the sword lately dropped by War, and hefted its weight thoughtfully.

That's it. That's in the book. He's perfectly niceys in the book. He has a good line!

G: Wait, which- what- What's the replacement?

C: This is like, how Aziraphale convinces Crowley to do something in the book.

G: [laughing] What is Neil Gaiman doing? [both laughing] Wwell, I mean, okay, fine.

C: It's more dramatic. It's more like, fun for the screen, for the whatever. I get that. But like, "There are humans here. And, I mean, we shouldn't let this happen to them."! What a nice Aziraphale moment!

G: I mean, I don't know who brought it up. Was it- was there recently an ask about how, like, there's no humans in Good Omens that matter? [laughs]

C: Yeah, I think we did.

G: Yeah. Another thing that I've been thinking about. Because, like, they do not give a single shit about anyone. [C laughs] I think we've had this conversation last episode. I mean, I'm not saying that they should like, love people, whatever. But they should a little bit. [laughs] They should a little bit!

C: I mean, Crowley says, "Lovely, clever humans inventing cars and windshields. They didn't have any cars back in the fourteenth century." [G laughs]

G: Yeah. I suppose so!

C: Yeah, okay, and second- second thing. So, in the book. like, after Crowley gets convinced to stay behind and fight- you know, in the show they have him say, "Nice knowing you," and later, the rest of the lines that are said here get transposed to the ending scene of this episode, but in the book, they're about to face Satan, and this is when we get:

Aziraphale smiled at Crowley. "I'd just like to say," he said, "if we don't get out of this, that...I'll have known, deep down inside, that there was a spark of goodness in you." "That's right," said Crowley bitterly. "Make my day." Aziraphale held out his hand. "Nice knowing you," he said. Crowley took it. "Here's to the next time," he said. "And . . . Aziraphale?" "Yes." "Just remember I'll have known that, deep down inside, you were just enough of a bastard to be worth liking."

So okay, I wanna I wanna point out the difference mostly in Aziraphale’s lines, right? So in the show, he says, “I'd like to think none of this would have worked out if you weren't, at heart, just a little bit a good person.” In the book, “If we don't get out of this, I'll have known, deep down inside, that there was a spark of goodness in you.” And the way that sentence structure works is that the "deep down inside" refers to “I'll have known,” not to the spark of goodness in Crowley, which means “This wouldn't have worked unless I knew, despite all my protestations and all of that, unless deep down inside, I understood that you are a good person,” which is quite different, than "if you were just sort of a good person." Like, you understand, right? Like, this is very different.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, the book one is about how Aziraphale was able to like, bring himself to trust Crowley.

G: "It's about me believing in you." Yeah. Yeah. You cannot see me right now. [laughs] I am holding my head in my hands. [both laugh] [G screams]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: So horrible. Everything is so horrible.

C: I don't hate the show version. I think it can be nice in its own way. It's like a fun, little- 'cause everything's done, right? Like, they're not facing death. And it's just like, a fun little teasing thing of like, "Well, you know, you keep saying you're not nice. But hey, look at you! Look at what happened. Maybe, now that no one's keeping score, you can finally accept the compliment that I think you're a nice person." That's fine, but like, I am very fond of the book version, too, and I'm sad it didn't happen. Crowley's line is basically the same, except the show changes are "worth liking" to "worth knowing." Everyone has made the "Biblically?" jokes already, so [both laugh] I have nothing else to say on that one. God, though. She literally would be appalled if she ever saw him try to be a saint, they wouldn't fall for someone they thought couldn't misbehave. "Nobody" by Hozier is really the song of all time.

Crowley, Aziraphale, and Adam end up in like, this, like, white plane of existence where time has stopped, and we see that Aziraphale and Crowley's wings are out.

G: Aziraphale does a neck crack.

C: Yeah, which we have both spoken about privately. [both laughing]

G: Sure did!

C: Sure did. Crowley has black wings, Aziraphale has white wings. They look okay.

G: Yeah.

C: Supernatural had the right idea when they did the shadows. Crowley puts on their sunglasses before talking to Adam, which I think is nice. Oh, also sad, but mostly nice. It's like, "Aw, I mean, like, you're a human. You're a kid, and I want you to be comfortable in this space when I'm talking to you, so I'll put my eyes away." Sorry, babe, but that was nice of you to do. She tells Adam like, "Hey. Your father's coming to destroy you, to destroy all of us." And Adam's like, "What? My dad wouldn't hurt anyone," but Crowley clarifies that this is Satan. And Adam's like, "I don't think I can fight him. I'm just a kid. I don't know what to come up with." And Aziraphale says his line about how it's not a bad thing to be a kid. "I was scared you'd be Hell incarnate. I hoped you'd be Heaven incarnate. But you aren't either of those things. You're better than that. You're human incarnate." And Crowley is like, "Okay, I'm gonna unstop time. Reality is gonna listen to you. You have to come up with a plan. You have to do it fast." And Aziraphale goes, "Whatever happens, for good or for evil, we're beside y-" You tried to kill him ten minutes ago! [both laughing] You tried to shoot a brick at him! Like, they each take one of Adam's hands, and it's like, none of this is fucking earned! Aziraphale, you tried to kill him. Crowley, you went over and went, "That's the one. Shoot him, Aziraphale!" Like, why would Adam trust you? Why did you-

G: I can't believe that so many of my predictions came true, but like, not in any way meaningful or fruitful or satisfying. You know what I mean? It's like, none this fucking matters, dude!

C: Like, yeah, he shot, and it does not matter. No one give a shit.

G: Yeah, now they're trying to protect this kid, but it doesn't matter. There's no emotional payoff!

C: It's stupid. It's stuupid. It's so, so stupid. Crowley uses her tire iron. Aziraphale uses his sword. And they sort of- they just crank reality back to present day, present time. Woohoo! Satan rises up from the ground. He's like, some big ole giant, red skinned, horned, like, ten horns on his head guy.

G: I was like, "This is Benedict Cumberbatch." C: That's what Benedict Cumberbatch looks like.

G: And then I heard the voice, and it's like, this is not Benedict Cumberbatch!

C: It doesn't sound like him. Like, there's- you could've cast anybody to say this.

G: You could have cast Logan Roy again as Satan.

C: You could have cast me. Like, there's enough voice filters for it to work. I mean, obviously, like, we'd get the discourse about Satan being trans [G laughs], but like, maybe there'd be enough voice filters that you can't tell. So it's all like, "Where's my rebellious son? Come here!" blah blah blah. And Adam walks up to him, and is like, "You're not my dad. Dads don't wait until you're 11 to say hello, and then turn up to tell you off. If I'm in trouble with my dad, that it won't be you. It's going to be the dad who stepped up!" [both laughing] he finishes writing on his T-shirt, and then hands it to Mr. Young. [both laughing] God, it's so fucking stupid! It's so fuucking stupid. Like, why would you at the last minute turn this into like, the dad who went out for cigarettes and newspaper and never came back sort of situation? We don't even see Adam interact with his dad, like, basically at all. Like, I have no clue how that relationship is. Like, does he even give a shit? Apparently, he does, according to what he's saying now, but like, there was no build up to this whatsoever. Like, there was no like, paralleling Satan with an absentee father thing. There was no strengthening of Adam and Mr. Young's relationship. If anything, the only parent we see Adam talk to solo is his mom, and also when he's like, having his big ole screaming match up in the sky, the thing that finally- the last thing that brings him back to reality is his mom saying, "Hello, Adam!" to him when he was a baby. Like, if you're gonna rely on any kind of parental relationship, neither of which has been strengthened during this show, to be like, what causes Adam to rewrite reality and poof Satan out, like, just, either use his mom or give like, some of his mom scenes to his dad.

G: Yeah. You know, maybe they should have made Lucifer transgender. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. So true! Do we even see Adam talk to his dad after this? Like, besides Mr. Young showing up and being like, "What's going on?" Exactly. It's just him talking to his mom, again! Like, what is- he should at least have a moment where he's like, looking at Mr. Young for longer than one would assume, and then says, like, "Thanks, Dad," or something, you know? Like, that's just like, how it would work in writing.

G: Even during the birth scene, right? We're supposed to think that Mr. Young was like, this kind of like, removed a little bit, like, he doesn't really want to be there when his wife gives birth. And then the scenes that we do see them together in, like, it's his mom who visits him in his room, and like, the only time they talk, I think, was when he was dismissing Adam. Yeah. Dismissing Adam while being like, "Yeah, it doesn't matter, Adam. I'm just gonna keep on watching TV."

C: Yeah, like, was he really the dad who stepped up? [G laughs]

G: That truly is such a fucking shirt.

C: Yeah, okay, to clarify for the audience, he doesn't say "It's gonna be the dad who stepped up." [both laugh] He said, "It's gonna be the dad who was there." [laughing] But he may as well have said "It's gonna be the dad who stepped up." Stupid as shit. [G laughing]

G: Yeah. Basically, at the end, he goes, "You are not my dad. [both] You never were." And that's the thing that, yeah.

C: Satan screams and explodes and dies 'cause Adam rewrote the past.

G: Asplodes and dies.

C: Yeah, 'cause Aziraphale goes- Okay, so basically, when the smoke clears, Mr. Young shows up and Aziraphale's like, "That's not really his father." Fuck off, Aziraphale. And then Crowley goes, "Well, it is. It is now. And it always was. He did it." And the scene ends with Mr. Young coming out of the car and going like, "Juh? Would anyone here care to explain to me what exactly is going on." And then, yeah, so that was the first 24 minutes of this episode. My review is that it was underwhelming and not funnay.

G: Not funnay.

C: Like, all of these "You're not my dad" lines are new. Like, they took away all the good ones in the book and just went- and just put this shit in.

G: Wait. Satan shows up in the book? No?

C: No, it's just- Mr. Young just shows up 'cause Adam already did the work inside of his head. [laughs]

G: Damn. Alright. [laughing]

C: They wanted to give Benedict Cumberbatch money soo bad. They wanted to cut him a giant, fat check for doing nothing soo bad.

G: So there literally is no Satan? There's no Satan in the book?

C: Like, he talks on the radio one time.

G: Well, yeah, but we don't see.

C: No.

G: Is there Gabriel? 'Cause you said there was Metatron.

C: Yeah, the Metatron shows up for this. The rest of it, there's no Gabriel.

G: At all?

C: No. Heaven doesn't check in on Aziraphale. [laughs] They let him do whatever the fuck he wants.

G: Oh, yeah, I heard that. Yeah. Well.

-

G: We go to Aziraphale and Crowley outside, and they're sitting on a bench, and it is your typical Aziraphale and Crowley bench positioning, where-

C: Yeah, there's a box between them.

G: Yeah, Aziraphale's on the left. manicured hands on the lap, and Crowley is just, yeah, sprawled out a little bit.

C: Before you say the first line, I want to say that they cut some lines in the script that I would have liked. Okay, first, before Aziraphale says what he says on the show, he says, "I'm sorry about the car. I know how much you liked it. Perhaps if you concentrated really hard..." and Crowley goes, "It wouldn't be the same. I had it from new, you know." And Aziraphale goes, "I do. Yes." And I get why they cut it. It sort of like, messes with the pacing. Would have been nice to have him acknowledge that he was being a bit pushy during the the soldier car scene, and that he actually does care that Crowley cares about the Bentley. Would have been a nice thing for my girl to hear. And I think it helps make up for some of the sword shit. Like, he's not apologizing directly for what he did, but there is like, a general vibe of like, "I still care about you as a person. It's not just about your time stop ability and shit."

G: In the end of show, the first line is Aziraphale saying, "It's all worked out for the best, though. Just imagine how awful it might have been if we'd been at all competent."

C: Real.

G: It's quite funny. I remember one time, I joked here that like, "Does Heaven really think that Aziraphale is so incompetent. [overlapping] They better, 'cause he is." [both laugh] Yeah. They better, because he is! And, you know what? I think he may as well be. And then they ponder over the prophecy that Aziraphale caught in the air, and yeah, they're just talking, and also, they're drinking wine, and they're passing it back and forth to each other. Which I thought was nice. I thought it was nice.

C: I did think it was nice. Also, in the script, it says Aziraphale wipes like, the mouth of the glass or the mouth of the bottle before he passes it back to Crowley, but he doesn't in the show. So, win. [laughs] Win for gay people everywhere

G: At some point, I was trying to monitor the wine, but like, at some point, I couldn't see it. I think they did an error in the-

C: I think they put it- or I think Aziraphale might put it down on the ground when he's handing the package back.

G: Crowley, very, very- every time Crowley says, "Angel," I'm like, "Aww!" But like, this specific scene... Jesus Christ.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Mm.

G: She goes, "Angel, what if the Almighty planned it like this all along?"

C: And it really is a testament to how beautiful Crowley looks in this scene, that, like, I didn't immediately like, be angry at this line. [laughing] I was too busy looking at her neck and all that. But yeah. God. And they really do use the softest, gentlest, fondest fucking voice at this. And like, they're just fully looking at Aziraphale, head stretched back, all that shit. And, agh. I honestly didn't have a strong opinion on like, the free will stuff of Good Omens until our Episode 3 recording when you quoted “Jenny,” but like, now that you have, it's like, "Well, I don't like that that much."

G: I cannot wait for when Season 2 happens, and that all falls completely to pieces because God is also narrating that shit. Yeah. I don't know. Like, this whole conversation, what did you think of it? "Did the Almighty plan it all along?" Oh, yeah. So Crowley goes, "What if the Almighty planned it like this all along?" And Aziraphale's like, "Yeah, could have." "From the very beginning?" And "I wouldn't put it past her." The way I want to interpret this is, they're not saying that like, this is- This not like, a reveal of faith, you know? It's not like, "This is what I believe in, and I'm telling you about it." This is kind of like, maybe Aziraphale is- Maybe Crowley is sensing that Aziraphale is a bit upset and like, something, maybe.

C: Oh, really? Okay. Upset about what?

G: And it's like, "Hey, you know." I don't know!

C: I don't think he's upset.

G: I mean, look at- look at Aziraphale’s face in this scene.

C: Oh, I wasn't. [G laughs] I have no clue what the fact that guy was doing or saying. I was looking at one thing, and one thing only.

G: I don't think Aziraphale's completely upset. But there is that like, denouement from, you know, an intense moment, and then it's like, they are very aware that they're gonna be in trouble with Heaven and Hell.

C: Maybe. I didn't see anything. But I trust that you're right.

G: It's just, you know, it's more banter than it is anything. But the thing is, like, if this is a conversation that they have, and they were real people, and they're having this conversation, it's like, nothing, you know what I mean? But because it's in a TV show, like, it's trying to tell the audience something, and that's what I don't like about it. It's like, yes, they would have this conversation as Aziraphale and Crowley, but I don't think they should have this conversation as Aziraphale and Crowley in the TV show Good Omens. Do you know what I mean?

C: I do know what you mean. I think I don't have as many issues with it as you do. I do take it- I take it to be like, I don't think it's Crowley expressing faith.

G: No, I don't think it's expressing faith.

C: I don't think that she doesn't believe it either, though. I think that it is a serious suggestion.

G: I think it's just somebody bringing up "What if?" You know, "What if?"

C: Yeah. I think it's a serious suggestion. And yeah. I don't hate it that much. Because I don't think "planned"- I don't think planned is like, it doesn't mean that God orchestrated every single bit of it. I just saw it as, like, "It was a test, and Adam passed." Like, God never really intended the Apocalypse to go through, it was just like, "Let's see what happens if I bring, like, a child of Satan, to be raised among the mortals among humanity, and you know, see if goodness is able to come of it." I think I'm fine with God just like, planning it as in just like, assuming that everything will end up okay. That's okay with me. I think if Adam got to say more lines in the faceoff, this would come across better. I think it's fine. Also, line that was cut in the scriptbook after this is, Crowley says, "From what I remember, and we were never actually on what you might call speaking terms, She wasn't exactly one for a straight answer. She'd just smile as if She knew something that you didn't." And Aziraphale goes, "Well, She is God. That's sort of the point." That was some that was some nice Crowley backstory. I'd like to know about how Crowley saw how God smiled like She knew something you didn't. But I guess it does add more to what you dislike about the lines, so, yeah.

G: Yeah. I don't- I don't dislike it, it's just I don't... Well.

C: [laughs] "I don't dislike it; I just don't like it." [both laugh]

G: No, it's more of like, I don't dislike that they're having the conversation. I just dislike that [laughs] I'm seeing it. [both laughing] Like, what are you trying to tell me? Like, that's the question that's in my head.

C: Okay, yeah, right. Well.

G: As they continue, the fucking international mail express bus passes by, and Lesley is out here.

C: Alive!

G: Yeah, he's alive. And he asks for the package. We look into the box that is between Aziraphale and Crowley on the bench, and it has the scales and the- what's it? The crown. And Lesley goes like, "Oh, there's something else. There's supposed to be a sword here." Aziraphale stands and is like, "Oh, well, sorry! I must have sitted it on it."

C: I believe that he wanted to keep it.

G: Oh, he wanted to, for sure.

C: Yeah. Sorry, Aziraphale. You're not getting your sword back.

G: Yeah. And Leslie says like, "Oh, good thing you were here, really," and Aziraphale- I feel like this is the first presence of like, Aziraphale usual snark that we don't really see until like, the very end of the episode again, where he goes like, "Oh, how nice to have someone who recognizes our part in saving the-" and then, like, Lesley just goes, like, "I need to someone to sign." And it's like, okay. And then Lesley- you know what? I'm endeared by this guy. His character works on me. And he asks, like, "Do you believe in life after death?" And Aziraphale says, "I suppose I must do," which is an interesting way to put it. And Lesley goes like, "If I was to tell my wife what happened to me today, she wouldn't believe me. I wouldn't blame her." And it's like, it's the first- 'cause we get more of it later that, like, people do know that it happened, but not- but they think it's like, an imagination thing, something something. Like, they're not very clear on where these thoughts come from. But the thoughts are there. And I like that idea because of what I have been saying since the very beginning of this fucking episode, where it's like, this massive thing happened, and like, even if the way it's resolved is "Everything goes back to normal," the fact that there was a process between original normal and the normal right now changes something. It's supposed to. And like, the idea that like, the people, you know, remember in some way, you know? Like, I'm sure Lesley will have a change in his life in some way, you know? Because of this experience, even if it was not real. Like, even if he doesn't think it's real or whatever. And, I mean, it's implied that that's also the way other people feel with the like, people talking about political stuff later. But I think it only is with Lesley that it works because it's like, it's a human being. Just one person. And I like that.

C: Yeah. Like that. G: I really like this guy, don't I? When he shows up the first time-

C: You really do like this guy, and I'm happy for him, and I'm happy for you. So returning the items implies that they're gonna be sent out again one day.

G: Yeah. Perhaps.

C: Perhaps.

G: There's a bus that shows up, and it's, you know, a transportation- public transportation bus. And it says "Oxford" in the front, and Aziraphale points it out, and Crowley goes, "Yeah, but he'll drive to London anyway. He just won't know why." And this is such a quiet moment. It, like, it gets to me. This fucking quiet moment between them. And Aziraphale goes, "I suppose I should get him to drop me off at the bookshop." And Crowley's like, very like, the way she turns, and it's like, face softens up a little bit and like, kind of like, hesitates, like, "Oh, I can't- Should I say it?" And then, you know, he does. He goes, "It burned down, remember?" And then, like, Aziraphale's face! Crowley, goes, "You can stay at my place, if you like." [C screams] And, you know. Aziraphale’s face!

C: Yeah, like, his eyes widen, and he looks like he's about to say something, and then he turns slightly away, but like, not entirely away before he replies.

G: And then looks back, yeah. Looks back and goes, "I don't think my side would like that." And Crowley says, you know, "We don't have a site anymore, and neither of us do. We're on our own side."

C: [laughing] The amount of care you give in reciting Crowley vs Aziraphale's lines here really says something, but continue.

G: What? What do you mean?

C: Like, you're acting out all of Aziraphale's lines, and then you're like, [disinterested, rushed] "And then Crowley says, 'You don't have a side anymore. Neither of us do.'" [both laugh]

G: Am I?

C: A little bit. It feels like that a little bit. But it's okay, 'cause it's like, the exact opposite- Like, if you look at my notes, every time you've written "And Aziraphale's face!" I just write, "And then Aziraphale says." [both laugh] Like, I am not paying attention to that guy.

G: And then the bus comes, and they- Oh, god! This scene! They walk into the bus, and I am reminded, of course, of Episode 1.

C: The other time they were on a bus.

G: They go into the bus, and Aziraphale is already seated, and Crowley sits behind him, but here, they sit beside each other!

C: Yeah. They sure do. They sure do.

G: They do! I have been telling Crystal this, but in the Philippines, 'cause, you know how like, when you're in a relationship but not really, you call it a situationship? That's the term that we use here in the Philippines, but before that term rose to popularity, the term was MU, which is short for mutual understanding. Which, I mean, it was popular when I was like, in middle school, right? Or like, elementary. So it's like, in my head, it's like, a childish thing. Like, if somebody tells me right now, my age, big 20+, "Oh, I am MU with someone," I'll be like, "Man that's so fucking juvenile. What the fuck are you saying?" [C laughs] But like, the thing about the term situationship is the point of it is that you're not sure what the situation is, so you call it a situationship. The point of MU, mutual - I repeat, it means mutual understanding - is that you are sure about the situation, and the situation is that you like each other, but you're not together, at least not officially. This concept is mostly from like, for example, 'cause, you know, here in the Philippines, now, maybe not so much, but back in the day, courting is a very big thing, right? You're supposed to court someone before you get together. And the MU situation is like, you're courting someone, but for some reason, their family maybe, schooling, you know, social expectations, whatever, they can't say yes. And the point of being MU is that you know you like each other. The only thing stopping you from being in a relationship is that you can't say yes yet. But the moment you can, it is mutually understood that you will. And [laughing] I just think Crowley and Aziraphale are MUs. Like, are you guys seeing the vision? Is this so stupid?

C: No, that's the vision. That is fully the vision. Whether or not Neil Gaiman agrees with that vision, mm. But that is what they are. [laughs]

G: Yeah. God, you guys, they literally have a mutual understanding. It's so crazy.

C: Yeah. They sure, sure, sure do.

-

G: Well, anyway, the next morning, we go to London, and "Aziraphale" is looking at the bookshop, and he sees that there is a bunch of new, hardbound leather books, but like, of children's books. He goes, "Oh, that's new."

C: Yeah. I guess Crowley doesn't really have to do the acting right now 'cause Heaven isn't here, but yeah, Aziraphale has a way like, grimmer set his face than usual, and like, doesn't move, like, doesn't have expressions as much. So that's the Crowley of it all.

G: And "Crowley" looks at the Bentley, and, you know-

C: And you know it's not because he walks down Mayfair, and his hips barely sway.

G: That's true. And also, instead of going to the car, he takes a taxi.

C: Yeah. He does smile very wide when he sees the car, though. That's nice.

G: Yeah.

C: We return to Adam. Basically, he's just talking to his mom, saying that, "Hey, I tidied my room. Can I be ungrounded? Can we go outside?" And she says, like, "Hey, like, your dad said that even if he didn't know why you were in trouble, you would know." And Adam's like, "Yeah," and he says he can't explain it to her, and she says that he can go out into the garden. Question, for, like, the British people of the world, do you guys really just say garden instead of backyard? 'Cause every time they said the word garden in this episode, I was like, "God, you guys are trying so fucking hard to do the Garden of Eden parallels. You guys are so fucking corny. Who even calls it a garden? That's the backyard." But like, is that just the word? Do you guys just say garden when you mean backyard?

G: I love how you asked, "Like, British people." I’m Filipino. We call it garden.

C: Okay. Slay. [both laugh] I mean, we don't know about the UK, though.

G: No, I'm assuming they do.

C: Hopefully.

G: Why would you not- I mean, the whole concept of a backyard is like, I feel like, so suburban, you know. And like, I don't think it makes sense, for Adam, who lives in- for the Youngs, I guess, who lives in this like, you know, provincial area.

C: Sure.

G: Do you call it provincial when it's- something?

C: Rural? I don't know.

G: I don't fucking know. Yeah. When it's like, this, like, not, you know, not the suburbs area, to call it backyard feels so stupid. It's a garden.

C: Garden is like, it's like, a very specific thing to me. Like, you need to have, like, a certain certain variety of plants and flowers and things in it, and like, the purpose of it, has to be to like, cultivate and show off those plants and flowers to me.

G: Nope.

C: But no?

G: Our "garden" has plant boxes, and that's the only thing in it, and it's a garden.

C: Alright.

G: There's a bench, too, I guess, but. I think for most- like, here, at least, anything that's outside of the front door but inside the gate, that's the garden, even if there's like, barely any plants in it.

C: Mm. Okay. Good to know.

C: I think the only times I see the word garden used are like, for specific tourist places where, like, they grow special rose bushes or whatever, so. But okay, good to know. Well, so she says he can take Dog out into the garden, but he can't go anywhere else. [sighs] Meanwhile, [very annoyed tone of voice for the next minute] Newt and Anathema [G laughs] are in Jasmine Cottage, in her bed together. And it's like, the light is all soft and romantic, and they're just like, there, and they're naked. Yay. So they wake up together, and she finally asks him, "I'm gonna regret asking this, but why is your car called Dick Turpin?" and then he's like, "Oh, 'cause he was a highwayman, and everywhere I go, I hold up traffic," and she was like, "Oh, I regret asking, teeheeheeheehee." [laughs] No, okay, I need to talk normal. [screams] I hate them. Okay. So... so so so, he starts getting up, and she's like, "Hey, Witchfinder Private Not-a-Computer-Engineer, did we save the world yesterday?" And Newt's like, "I don't know." And then she goes, "You're a pretty good witchfinder, though. I mean, you found me." Boo! Boo! Corny! Not funnay! Boo! Boo! [both laughing]

G: What is this? It's just so bad!

C: What's the point? Like, we got what the joke was when they met.

G: No, listen to me, right? So she doesn't necessarily remember that they saved the world. So to her, this is like, some weird, hazy thing, right? Might as well not have happened. Might have as well been a dream. They got together during that time, and we are to assume that she wanted him to be her boyfriend [C laughs] because of the whole saving the world with the destroying the computer situation. So what now?? [C laughing, G screams] 'Cause if that's forgotten, why is he here?

C: I mean, Agnes Nutter said that he had a big ole swangin' dick. Maybe that's enough. [G sighs] And they cut some lines from the script where Anathema, before she says the whole like, "Hey, did we just save the world yesterday?" Before that, she says, "It's so weird. I've lived all my life according to Agnes's prophecies, and now there aren't any more prophecies. I can do whatever I like. I'm like a train that got to the end of the tracks and still has to keep on going." And Newt says, "From now on, you'll head into the future with everything coming as a surprise. Just like the rest of us." Anathema says she feels lost, and he says, "It's called being human. You'll get used to it." They're not well-written lines, but they would have given us a little bit more Anathema character. Like, I can't believe like, he cut those, but he kept like, "ooh, flirty-flirty, you found me! I'm a witch! Tee-hee-hee!"

G: I mean, the thing is like, towards the end of the Anathema situation, when she's about to burn it, she is acting like she wants to do it but she doesn't like the idea of doing it, but she  does actually want to do it. And then what pushes her becomes then, like, Newt, yeah. And it's like, "Well, you should have just given her more of-" you know. Give her more. Not even anything better. Just more.

C: Yeah, exactly. It's just about like, the percentage of her personality that seems to be related to wanting to escape the prophecies. Just up that

G: Yeah, or like, having complicated feelings about it, you know, so that when the decision is made, it's like, "Oh, this is a difficult decision, and this is motivated by like, something or other and not just Newt being like, 'And I'm also here, and I'm going to say lines.'" You know?

C: Yeah, yeah. I will say that this is better than in the book. They give her less agency in the book. So he tried. He didn't do good enough, though.

G: What do you mean? What did they do in the book?

C: Oh, in the book, she's not even there when the package arrives, and Newt considers just burning it by himself, but then she comes out into the room and sees it, and then he just says the "Do you want to be a descendant all your life?" thing, and she's like, "Okay, fine." [laughs] So. It's better than in the book. So she like, settles back in bed and smiles to herself. Ugh! Alright. Now we cut to St. James's Park-

G: Okay, can I just say. I hate Neil Gaiman so much.

C: Good.

G: Like, doing the whole you know, like, "They can't be gay because gender," whatever. Like, when he does do gender, I suppose- This isn't even doing gender. This is just having women. It's like, they're so terribly written. And now, you're pulling the like, "Oh, but like, whatever whatever" card, and it's like, it's so frustrating. It's so frustrating

C: Yeah, it's like, I know that you wrote them as men, [laughing] 'cause if you didn't, they would be way worse.

G: Yeah, 'cause you wrote them like people. [C laughs, G groans] God, I hate you, Neil Gaiman! Yeah, that's my point.

C: Yeah. Oh, Neil Gaiman. Oh, Neil Gaiman! [G laughing]

-

C: So we're in St. James's Park, and there's like, a brass band playing Queen's "Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon," which I thought was pretty fun. We get a moment with, like, a British secret agent and a Russian secret agent talking about how the government's decided everything that happened yesterday was a mass hallucination, except the Kraken apparently ate the British trade delegation. And [laughing] I love the implication that Adam did not bring those guys back. He's like, "Well. I'm bringing people back, but not the British trade delegation." And so have Aziraphale and Crowley at the ice cream like, stand or whatever. and Crowley orders them a strawberry lolly and a vanilla with a flake, and they're doing a great job at doing each other's body language, but Aziraphale's a better actor 'cause "Crowley" is leaning on the- Do we need to clarify who we're talking about when we say "Aziraphale and Crowley"?

G: I mean, I don't even know.

C: Yeah, okay, most of the time when I say Aziraphale or Crowley, I am going to talk- I am going to do it based off of the body, but then I will say, like, the actual person when I'm talking about like, the acting or anything that they're doing to try to make it seem more like- Sure. Okay, yeah. 'Cause like, Aziraphale's doing a thing where he's like, leaning against the the car with his elbow and all that, and it looks very, very like Crowley. Though I think one body language thing that gives them away is that the "Crowley" is like, standing still, whereas Aziraphale's walking in a circle behind him. And, generally, for example, in The Globe in 1601, it's like, usually Aziraphale is the ever-fixed mark and Crowley is usually the one who's orbiting him. So, yeah.

G: Reminds me so much of that one art where it's Aziraphale in the middle, and then Crowley's like, changing outfits. The 60s lesbians one. I love that one so fucking much.

C: Oh, yeah! The 60s lesbians art! I love it so much. We'll reblog it when this episode comes out. It's so good.

G: So wonderful.

C: Okay, Grey, discourse of the century, right? [G laughs] The Crowley body gets the strawberry lolly and the Aziraphale body gets the vanilla with a flake, right? So is this part of the disguise, or is this their preferred ice creams? Discuss.

G: Damn, who give a shit? [C laughs] Well, many people, I would assume. I don't know. What do you think?

C: I could really see it either way. I think that it's more fun to me that Crowley likes vanilla ice cream just 'cause of, you know, how he's a demon, etc etc. But I think that generally, Aziraphale has like, more like, classy tastes in food, and I think that the vanilla with a flake does look a little fancier than like, frozen strawberry juice. So yeah, I think that they're eating the- I think that it's part of the disguise, who's eating what ice cream.

G: Yeah, I think Crowley would like, the strawberry lolly more. In my head, the way I was trying to do it was like, in my head, I was trying to imagine Crowley having the vanilla ice cream and then having the strawberry lolly, and then I realized that, like, every time I imagine Crowley in my head, it's always like, long hair from 2005 or whatnot Crowley. That is so important to me. She is always long-haired 2005 Crowley to me.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Season 3, please, please, please, please, please.

G: Pwease! Pwease.

C: Please? Please? Please? I know long-haired Crowley makes David Tennant's job like, way harder, and it's already so hard, but like, please? Please? Thank you. Thank you very much.

G: Fanks.

C: Each of them asks the other about, yeah, the car and the bookshop, and it's like, "No, everything is great. And neither of our people have been in touch yet." And Crowley asks, "Do you understand what happened yesterday?" and Aziraphale says, "I understand some of it, but some of it is just a bit too..." and then Death, who's been feeding the ducks, says, "Ineffable." and then fades away. And Crowley is like, "Hey, that's meant to be bad luck to see him here." And then Aziraphale is gone. He has been kidnapped by the angels who are like, in gardener outfits sort of, like, for the park, and they've tied Aziraphale up, and they put tape over his mouth, which I think is so funny, and Uriel goes, "Renegade angels all tied up with strings," and Sandalphon goes, "These are a few of our favorite things." I think it's a bit much.

G: Bit much.

C: The Sound of Music thing was funny in the first episode, and now, we're like, sort of done. And Crowley is yelling like, "Hey! Hey! Stop them!" But then Hastur, disguised as an Asian woman tourist- [both laugh] Yeah. Goes, "What's wrong, love?" And then fucking whacks Crowley with a crowbar. I personally would not have Hastur disguised as an Asian woman tourist, but, you know what? Neil Gaiman made a choice. I'm not gonna spend time lingering on it. And as Crowley passes out, he goes, "It's not a problem. It's tickety-boo." And yeah. I love you. I love you, Crowley. I love you Aziraphale. Etc etc. We cut back to these scenes in Heaven and Hell. In Heaven, Aziraphale's tied up, and he's being like, "Seriously? A kidnapping in broad daylight?" Gabriel calls him like, a traitor, etc, and Aziraphale says, "Well, I think the greater good demanded-" Gabriel goes, "Don't talk to me about the greater good, sunshine. I'm the archangel fucking Gabriel." And the other angels are very excited about something that's about to happen, and that makes me sad that they're so excited about like, perma-killing Aziraphale. Sorry that they're all so not niceys. Meanwhile, Hell, Crowley's trial wraps up, and, you know, guilty. That's what all the other demons watching through the glass are saying as well. Beelzebub asks about final words, and Crowley asks, "What's it gonna be, then? An eternity in the deepest pit?" at which I go, [laughing] "They had to have so much trust that Agnes Nutter's prophecy applied to them. 'Cause what if it really was?"

G: Yeah.

C: What if it really was? I just- yeah.

G: I mean, they could have thrown "Crowley" through the deepest pits of hell for eternity, and Aziraphale will just be there forever.

C: Yeah, for fucking ever. I just- They had to have so much trust, or they had to like, have a really long conversation where, like, Aziraphale was like, “No, I promise that I'm like, willing to take the risk," or whatever 'cause I don't think Crowley would just like, let that happen. I mean, Heaven would probably also have some pretty bad punishments. I feel there's a big chance for both of them that their punishment would involve never being able to return to the Earth and like, not involve holy water or hellfire. So yeah, they had to really trust Agnes Nutter. Or they had to really understand their head offices and like, know that this is the way that they would punish a traitor, either from like, previous experience, or just like, understanding them in a way that I don't.

G: Yes. Also, like, insanely lucky, I guess, that when you go to Heaven, your body comes with you.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Truly.

G: I mean, Crowley- Crowley, demon who entered a church and had it burning his feet, "Like being at a beach in bare feet!"- I tried to do the voice but I forgot the line- but like, what is the situation, going to Heaven.

C: This has been answered. It's just that Heaven and Hell, neither of them are like- they're both just like, neutral ground.

G: That seems awfully convenient, but okay.

C: Yeah, it does seem pretty convenient. A lot of this is like, there's like, a lot of plot hole-ish things in this, and I think that's also part of why, on the third watch, it sort of falls apart. Like, yeah, seriously. What if it wasn't an eternity in the deepest pit? What if it was like, "Your punishment is that we put you in the bucket with the crabs that like to eat your penis for 300 years"? [G laughs] Like, what? Aziraphale would just have to be in the bucket with the crabs that eat your penis for 300 years? Like, come on. I mean, do you think he would 1984 that situation, or do you think he could bear it?

G: What do you mean?

C: In 1984, like, the Winston or whatever the main character is like, finally, they're like, "We're gonna like, use your like, worst fear on you. We're gonna like, put your face into like, a cage full of starving rats." And at the last minute he realizes, "Oh, I know how to get out of this," and he shouts like, "Do it to Julia! Do it to Julia, not me! I don't care what you do to her. Tear her face off, strip her to the bones- Not me, Julia!" 'Cause like, it's- their relationship is what caused him to rebel or whatever, and like, the torture is to like, break him so that he finally gives that up, and they betray each other forever, etc etc. Anyway, would Aziraphale 1984 that?

G: No, I think Aziraphale will- [both laughing]

C: You think he would?

G: I think Aziraphale will let the crabs eat his penis, yes.

C: [laughing] Okay, he would let the crabs eat his penis. Good. Yeah. I'd like to believe that he would, too. But, I don't know. Sounds like a painful thing to go through! Luckily, so, so luckily for them, Hastur thinks that letting the punishment fit the crime, as in like, a painful but quick death, is somehow worse than the penis-eating crabs. [G laughs] So he- I guess-

G: Is penis-eating crabs a reference to anything?

C: No. No, it's just the first thing I thought of. I think it might be- it might be a misremembered punishment from The Good Place. I think there's like, some kind of like, snakes that eat your penis or something like that they mentioned in The Good Place as being a punishment in the Bad Place. So it's it's holy water. It's holy water, baby. I guess, okay, I guess, for an immortal being, for whom, like, immortality is considered just a fact of life, I guess, like, a complete and utter annihilation is sort of like, an eldritch horror beyond their comprehension, right? Like, I can sort of see-

G: I mean, the thing about the penis-eating crabs is that you'll still be alive, so.

C: Yeah. And that's like, something that they're into? Ddo demons like their lives?

G: Do you like your life?

C: I mean, I don't live in like, the world's crustiest basement.

G: [laughing] That's not really an answer, though, so. I was gonna ask, "Do you like your life?" And you would probably answer, "Yes," and I'll be like, "Okay, I'll shut up." And if you say, "It's fine," and I'll ask, "Do you want to die?" [both laughing] but like, maybe that's not the way this conversation should go.

C: For real. But yeah, I don't. But any- like, I don't want to die. But anyway.

G: Yeah! Yeah, and the demons don't also.

C: Yeah, that's fair.

G: Even though they live in a basement that is quite damp.

C: Yeah. [laughs] It is pretty damp, yeah. Someone comes down the elevator, and it's the archangel Michael. She's in a new outfit than usual. It's like, this flowy white top with big, ruffly sleeves. It's alright. And she has this jug of holy water. When she appears, Crowley goes, "The archangel Michael? That's... unlikely." I'm sorry that Aziraphale didn't realize until now that Heaven and Hell were collaborating like this. This must hurt a little bit, even if he's cast off Heaven. Or has he? She pours the water into a bathtub. Meanwhile, in Heaven, we see that one of the disposable demons has come up with a bunch of hellfire and made a big old tower of flame.

G: Isn't so wild that Hell got an archangel, and Heaven got some guy? [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: I mean, I guess Ligur is dead, and Ligur is their connection.

C: Yeah, I guess Ligur was meant to be the representative for Hell, and he's like, a Duke of Hell and all that. So this is just, you know, substitute stepping in. Hastur throws the Jabba the Hutt demon into the holy water to test it, and, you know, dies screaming.

G: Disintegrates.

C: Yeah. And Crowley has a chance at one last word, and he says, "This is a new jacket, and I'd hate to ruin it. Do you mind if I take it off?" Aziraphale's having the time of his life here. I'm so happy for him. And it's nice. Like, it is like a, "Oh, Crowley's so cool and unaffected" thing, but it's also like, Aziraphale cares deeply about his clothes, and he believes that Crowley would also. Is this when you sent me, "Is Crowley shirtless under the jacket?" And I said, "No, sorry"?

G: No no no, it was before that. I sent you that like, during the trial scene or whatnot.

C: Yeah, you do see a lot of chest hair. Like, you see a slip of like, the tie, and then, you see a lot of chest hair. Like, I feel like later, like, Crowley's like, bathing suit, I don't think he had that on earlier.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, that doesn't mesh with like, the amount of skin you can see under the jacket. But also, I don't think Aziraphale would miracle it on because if Heaven can tell that he does frivolous miracles, then like, wouldn't they get a notification that he, like, miracled a bathing suit on himself?

G: [laughs] Do you think he excused himself to a room over and was like, "I'm just gonna put on a bathing suit, you guys." [C laughs]

C: For real. We fade into Shadwell reading a book with a Jabba the Hutt demon on it [G groans], and it's your turn. Ha ha ha.

-

G: Yeah, Shadwell's there, and then Madame Tracy comes in.

C: I mean, you skipped-

G: She's wearing different clothes.

C: I- yeah, no, I need to spend some time on this. All the things that I hate the most about what they do with Shadwell and Madame Tracy, it is this outfit that just makes me the most fucking livid. You wanna- you wanna hear what it says in the scriptbook, Grey?

G: Okay, go on.

C: "The door opens. It's Madame Tracy. She looks... well, she looks normal. Not like a medium. Not like a sex worker. Not like an eccentric. Just rather off-puttingly normal." Neil Gaiman. Hey, hey, hey. Neil Gaiman, Neil Gaiman. You wanna reread the sentences, "She looks normal, not like a sex worker" back to me again, Neil Gaiman? [G laughing] Is that something you sort of wanna repeat to me out loud to my face? Is that something you wanna repeat out loud to anyone's face, Neil Gaiman? Just a question I have about the world.

G: It is so frustrating that this entire show, Shadwell has been so horrible. So horrible. And the way they try to resolve this is to just go, "Well, let's just completely change Madame Tracy."

C: Yeah, she quits her job, she's not a sex worker anymore. And now, look, she has blond hair, it's down, she's wearing more quote-unquote "natural makeup," she's wearing an incredibly modest sweater and skirt, like, she- Look at her. She's in her tradwife, Christian girl autumn getup! Don't you like seeing that? Isn't that what you want? Hello?

G: They gave zero character development to both of these characters, right? There's no like, sense of direction for both of them. They just decided at the very end that-

C: Let's pair the spares.

G: "One of them is gonna do a massive change." Yeah. "Let's do massive change for one of them. 'Cause if we don't, they're never gonna get along." But the party that gets to- that has to change must be Madame Tracy. And it's like, oh my god! I hate you, Neil Gaiman.

C: Yeah. Yeah. [screams] Yeah. Yeah. And like, all the lead up to this was just Shadwell being incredibly disrespectful of her and her being like, "I'm into that!" Like, okay! Okay, Neil Gaiman. Whatever you want. Just go ahead. Who give a shit anymore?

G: She comes in and says that "I, you know, have a place for you at my table." And like, Shadwell's like, "Oh, in your den of iniquity," and it's like, okay, fine, whatever. Who give a shit. And then they go. They sit there.

C: And they waste these beautiful crane shots on this.

G: Yeah. It's just horrible. It's horrible.

C: They have to do a big ole, like, setup for that. It cost money, it cost time, it cost people. And for what? And for what?

G: It's very much like, "Oh, we have, you know, these two older people. They should get together."

C: Yeah, they're similar ages, and they're both single. Like, we can't have that now, can we?

G: And it's a man and woman. [both] Whoo! And then Newt and Anathema is also- and then

C: She literally says that "It would be nice to have a man around the house." [G laughs]

G: Yeah! Jesus fucking Christ.

C: Yeah. It's literally just, he's there, and he's a man. Which like, is fine if that's like, what you want with your life. But, like, Neil Gaiman wrote all of this, and therefore, as a result, she- what did Pepper say? "Another deluded victim of the patriarchy"? [both laugh]

G: Anyway, back in the fucking- is this still the cottage? Is this still Jasmine Cottage?

C: Yeah.

G: In Jasmine Cottage, there's a lawyer who comes in and is asking for Mrs. Pulsifer.

C: Boo! Boo! Boo! First off, first off, proves that whatever they did, like, getting together, maybe when it happened, Anathema was like, "Agnes said it only happened once, and I want to prove her wrong. So I want to go against fate. He's my boyfriend now." Nope. Not going against fate. This was known and predicted already. Boo! Second, "Mrs."- she has a PhD. She has a fucking PhD, Neil Gaiman. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate you so much. As Anathema said in my fic that I don't want to recommend 'cause it's bad, "Turns out that 'We have nothing in common, but my ancestor predicted that we would fuck and then told us we would get married using phrasing that ignores my PhD' isn't a very solid basis for a relationship." [groans] It's Dr. Pulsifer. If you're gonna do fucking anything, it's Dr. Pulsifer. I hope everyone dies.

G: There has been a letter and a package from 200 years ago in this fucking like, lawyer place for 5ever. Basically, it says, "At this day, at this time, at this blah blah blah, give this to this place." And then they do.

C: Anathema's not very happy. When she comes in and she sees the box, and she says, "It's Agnes. I recognize the style." her sentences are quite clipped, and when Baddicombe starts getting excited about the box, she just sort of shoves it at him and goes, "You open it." So like, you know, the actress is doing the best she can with the material she's been given.

G: Anyway, the lawyer does- there's this bit with the lawyer where he like, opens it, and then the first letter is for him, and then it's like, "Oh, you're cheating on your wife." Whatever! And then Anathema does open the package, and apparently, it's even more nice and accurate prophecies of Agnes Nutter.

C: Yeah. She's a bit teary in disappointment at the end. Sorry, girl.

G: And then-

C: Just the specifics about Shadwell and Tracy, yeah.

G: Yes. I don't fucking know. She just says like, "Hey, I'm moving out. I have enough money. I'm going out of London. You wanna come with?" And then he goes, "Yeah." [laughing] I hate this so much!

C: Yeah, well, there's the "pop the question" joke.

G: Yeah. "We gotta pop the question." And then, instead of like, you know, "You want to get married?" or whatever, it's "How many nipples do you have?" And she says, "Just the two!"

C: Yeah. Also, when he asks the question, he goes, "How many nipples have you got, Jezebel?" And then she goes, "Retired Jezebel." I hate it! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. He doesn't use her name once in this fucking show, and the solution to that is just "Oh, I quit the job that you don't like that I have!" Like, she also did it for herself, but I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

-

C: Back in Heaven, Aziraphale's like, "Hey, you want to reconsider? We're meant to be the good guys, for Heaven's sake." And Gabriel's like, "For Heaven's sake, we're meant to make examples out of traitors, so go into the flame." And Aziraphale goes, "Well, lovely knowing you all. May we meet on a better occasion." which is, I guess, Crowley being like, "I think Aziraphale would be nice here, but also kind of bitchy." And I don't- what do you think- This iis probably what rela Aziraphale would say, ish, right? This seems about right.

G: Well, if Aziraphale is aware that he's going to live after this, I think he would say this.

C: Ah, okay. If he thought he was gonna die, what would be up?

G: I don't know. I really don't know. I don't think Aziraphale is the type to accept death graciously. Not this kind, anyway.

C: Yeah. I mean, the only time we really see him scared is when the angels corner him. It's very different from his like, "Oh my god, don't discorporate me! It'll be so annoying." And like, that is a lot of like, "Well, you mustn't, stop, please." But it's also like, he also does the "We're meant to be the good guys" thing. Yeah, I don't think he would accept death graciously. This is true. Gabriel goes, "Shut your stupid mouth and die already."

G: And then does like, a sarcastic smile, like you know. And Crowley like, copies this in a way. And, oh my god! The face here is so good! I love it so much. Like, I think the thing about Aziraphale in Crowley's body, right, is that it is very much a, you know, he's having fun, and also, the intention is to threaten like, you know, Hell, to be like, "Leave this guy alone," you know? I think, like, Crowley is a lot angrier at Heaven.

C: Yeah. I think Aziraphale, like, the whole time was like, "Yeah, I mean, Hell's bad, 'cause that's what I believe. Of course it'd be awful down there." I think, Crowley knows that Heaven is bad, but like, doesn't really have like, specifics as well as Aziraphale has come up with specifics in his mind. And yeah, he is angry. Aziraphale gets ushered forward into the flame, and before we see what happens, we cut to Hell. We don't see Crowley, but we see, like, all the other demons looking scared and hissing and things. And then we see that it's because Crowley is in the bathtub, splashing about and having a great time. And-

G: Yeah! Wearing a-

C: He's wearing one-piece black bathing suit, and like, calf socks. Like, black socks that are very tall.

G: [laughing] Why is he wearing socks?

C: Yeah, David Tennant was like, "I've seen Wikifeet men. No more." [G laughs] And the socks are completely dry.

G: Not just socks. Like, long!

C: Yeah, long socks. I don't know. It's so fun. It's such a look. And the socks are completely dry. Which means that, like, Crowley had to like, go to the edge of the bathtub and like, backwards scoot, sit his butt on it, and then like, flop back. [G laughs] 'Cause both of his legs are like, up and like, propped up on both sides of the bathtub, so yeah, keeping those socks dry. In the script, he was supposed to be wearing nothing but his underpants, but honestly, the bathing suit's more fun. Yeah, okay, Aziraphale's just having the best time of his fucking life. He goes like, "I don't suppose in all the nine circles of Hell, there's such thing as a rubber duck?" which yeah. You're so cute. You're so fun. And then we cut back to Heaven, "Aziraphale" is inside the flames and cracks his neck, and having a good old time. And then breaths fire at the angels. It's great. I love how both of them did have the opportunity to straight up murder the other one's bosses, but they didn't. Maybe they should have. But also, that goes against their point. They don't want retaliation. They just want to be left alone. The angels are going, "It may be worse than we thought" and "What is he?" Meanwhile, Beelzebub in Hell goes, "Oh, he's not one of us anymore." So both sides think that they're now some kind of like, angel/demon/human hybrid thing.

G: [laughs] No, I mean, at this point, at this point, I was already asking you, "They switched bodies, didn't they?" And you were like, "You'll see." And at this point, I was still like, "I don't think it's true, because Crowley is so Crowley. And like-" as I've said earlier in this episode, Aziraphale has been- like, we saw Aziraphale in like, a combat situation, and he does act different. So I was like, "Maybe it's, you know, an ongoing thing from that." So who knows? So I was like, at the beginning, I was like, "They switched bodies." And then I was like, "Oh, but Aziraphale was acting the way he acted in the Apocalypse, and Crowley is acting like Crowley, so maybe not? What is going on?"

C: Aziraphale as Crowley goes, "So you're probably thinking. if he can do this, I wonder what else he can do. And very, very soon you're all going to get the chance to find out." And smiles, like, menacingly, with like, full yellow eyes. And that's so nice that he's just trying so hard to keep Crowley safe. Isn't that so nice? And Beelzebub is like, "Ah, shit. We have to get Crowley out of here. Gonna start a riot." Michael comes back to pick up the water, very shocked at Crowley still being alive, and Aziraphale tells her, "Michael. Duude. Do us a quick miracle, will you? I need a bath towel." Very fun. And then goes, "I think it would be better for everyone if I were to be left alone in the future, don't you?" And all the demons nod.

G: And Michael, too.

C: Yeah. Good for him.

G: How do you think Aziraphale like, got out of there? Just walked out? Aziraphale as in in Heaven.

C: Yeah, I guess- Can Crowley control hellfire or whatever? If he could like, have a little bit of it in his hand the whole time as he walked out, I feel like it'd be pretty easy. But yeah, I wish we saw more of the Heaven scene, like, does Crowley say anything there? Like, what's up? But yeah, I guess we're supposed to assume that Crowley basically says the same thing Aziraphale says, and then, there's a deleted scene in the script where it's just like, both of them, like, both of them are like, in the elevator, or in different elevators, but they both show up back on Earth. They look at each other, and then "Aziraphale" goes, "Now that was playing with fire." Corny. Would have been cute to see, though.

-

G: We go to Newt and Anathema, and this is the scene we were talking about earlier with like, Anathema trying to burn the prophecies. Newt pulls the "Do you want to be a descendant all your life?" And then, you know, she burns it. Do you like how her story ends?

C: I remember when I watched it in the past, I was like- I think I didn't catch the signs of Anathema wanting to escape Agnes Nutter as much, so it read a lot more as it was just Newt saying that that caused her to do it, and I was like, "No, just give her the fucking book back." But, you know, I've had time. It makes sense for an ending. I just wish Newt wasn't part of it.

G: The thing is, I was thinking about this, like, did Anathema want this? I think I'm having the opposite experience as you. Like, maybe I just projected too hard and too raw.

C: About free will shit? Maybe.

G: Yeah. I don't know! I mean. as always, you know, your experiences and your beliefs in life will always shape how you see everything, and I guess my beliefs, etc has shaped it so that I saw Anathema as wanting to get out and etc. But now, I'm like, "Well, did she? I don't know."

C: I don't know. And we'll never know, 'cause- Oh, I guess I gave that away, then. She doesn't come back, no.

G: Yeah. Oh my god. Well, they have those two Lesbians.

C: God. [sighs] I mean- [G laughs] I just- I don't think Neil Gaiman is very good at writing human characters, and the only thing that was going for the human characters in this show were that they had interesting premises, but if the premise for your boring human characters next season are just, "They own a coffee shop," like, just die. Anyway.

G: Well, Adam is also there, and- [laughs] What a way to start.

C: I like this scene.

G: Anyway, Adam is in the garden, and the other Thems are running up to him and saying, like, "Hey, like, let's get out! Let's go somewhere." But he's saying like, "No, I can't."

C: "I'm grounded for years and years."

G: Yeah. They asked like, "What happened last night?" But they don't remember. Doesn't matter. When he says like, "I'll be grounded for years and years," and like, someone asked, like, "What about tomorrow?" And he's like, "Oh, yeah, tomorrow's okay. [C laughs] They'll forget it by tomorrow." The three go out, off to like, a circus somewhere, and Adam's just playing in the garden when Dog's trying to go out, and Adam is like, "Oh, Dog, like, get away from the hedge. Because if you don't, I'll have to chase you, and if you went, I would run, and I'll run, and I'm not allowed out of the garden, but if you go, I'll have to go," and, you know, it's a cute scene, and then Dog does run off, after the hedge gets magically removed.

C: Yeah. So Adam is not entirely human.

G: Adam still has the powers. You know, running through the field, running through the meadow. God starts talking again, and it's, "Something told Adam that you know something was coming to an end. Not the world, but just the summer." And we see Adam like, looking over the meadow and sees Anathema and Newt, and they wave at each other. "There would be other summers, but there would never be one like this. Never again." Adam sees an apple tree, gets one, takes a bite out of it, or we hear RP Tyler, like, in the background, going like, "Oh, I'll tell your father! Like, you, boy!" and God continues on saying, like, "Oh, well, Adam couldn't see why people made such a fuss about other people eating their apples, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn't. And there never was an apple, in Adam's opinion, that wasn't worth the trouble you got into for eating it."

C: Yeah. What a good place to end the show! What a place where you could just end the show. Like, I like the next scene, but like, this should have been the last scene.

G: I like it. This is what I was saying earlier, like, I was trying to think about it, but then I stopped, and I was like, "I'll let Crystal do the thinking."

C: What? Wait, what am I thinking about?

G: I don't know. What are you thinking about?

C: Just that this is a good place to end the show, and that is just about how like, I don't know, humanity is always going to make the choice of knowledge and blah blah blah blah blah.

G: Yeah. I suppose that is all it is. I was trying to think, like, "What's the deeper meaning?" or whatever, but. Again, I keep on saying this, I like that Adam is 11 so much. Like, this is him now, and he's thinking all these things, and it's like, you know, he's gonna grow up. He's gonna be a miserable teenager, probably. [C laughs] And you know what? He's going to be okay. Do you still talk to all the people you used to play with when you were 11?

C: I mean, I met Danica when I was 11.

G: Yeah, but that's at school. That's not playing on the street.

C: Oh, I didn't play on the street.

G: Oh. Well, that's sad.

C: Yeah.

G: Sorry. That's such a mean thing to say, I feel. "That's sad. Your childhood is so sad."

C: No, I mean, I was not offended. I think that is true. [G laughs]

G: Well, yeah.

C: Do you?

G: Occasionally. They're my neighbors, so I talk to them occasionally, but not as much as I did when I was 11, of course. I was just thinking like, these four went through so much, but they're also 11. They're gonna grow out of it. I also thought I went through so much with my friends when I was 11. Then, I grew out of it. Aw. They're gonna be okay.

C: Yeah.

-

C: So we go back to St. James's Park. It- [sighs] like, all of the show starts with like, the God narration, like, "It begins as it will end. In a garden." And that's because the Adam scene is the last one in the book, but then they just shuffled stuff around, and then, like, they just slapped this into St. James's Park so they could be like, "Well, that's also a garden, innit?" [both laughing] It's not!

G: It's a park!

C: Yeah. They're in St. James's Park. So funny.

G: [laughing] That's so fucking funny. [both laughing] Yeah.

C: So they've returned, and they're not acting anymore. So [G exclaims] “Aziraphale” is, you know, lounged across the bench and Crowley, in quotes, sitting with hands on his lap and like, talking primly and things. Yeah. David Tennant's Michael Sheen voice, very good. Would love to hear more of it outside of that ten-minute bookshop reading. But yeah.

G: Michael Sheen? No comment?

C: What?

G: [laughs] No comment, Michael Sheen.

C: Yeah, you wanna fuck him when he's here. He's hot, sure.

G: He looks so good. Yeah. Remember when I was like, "Oh, Crowley, whatever," like, I think, maybe, like, Crowley is just inherently hot.

C: Yeah, regardless of who plays Crowley, yeah.

G: Regardless of anything. Yeah.

C: Yeah. Good for him And the way that they're sitting like, the first time we- [laughs] God, I sound stupid. Okay, so the first time we see them in St. James's Park in Episode 1, right? Like, they're also both sitting on the bench, and like, they're like, sitting- they're sitting on opposite ends of the bench, and Crowley has, like, an arm out, stretched over the middle of the bench, sort of leaning against it, and then is also leaning against Aziraphale. In this situation, they're sitting next to each other, Crowley's still leaning towards Aziraphale, and the arm that's stretched out is like, away from them like, towards the edge of the bench. So it's like, the same position, but mirror-swapped so that they can be next to each other. And isn't that nice? They check that no one's watching, and then they swap back by holding hands and then having, like, an ugly effect happen. Crowley's collar, which this whole time has been tartan, changes back to red, and she goes, "Tartan collar, really?" And Aziraphale goes, "Tartan is stylish!"

G: Wait, is that what happens? I did not catch that.

C: Oh, yeah. Aziraphale was like, "I need to act so so well as Crowley, but I refuse to have this fucking red collar on. I need it to be tartan." Aziraphale is delighted, like, fucking clapping his hands, going, "So, Agnes Nutter's last prophecy was on the money!" And then he leans in a little conspiratorially and goes, "I asked them for a rubber duck. And made the Archangel Michael miracle me a towel!" And they both laugh. They're having a great time.

G: Yeah.

C: It's wonderful. Crowley says, "They'll leave us alone for a bit. If you ask me, both sides are going to use this as breathing room before the big one." And Aziraphale's like, "I thought that was the big one," but Crowley says, "For my money, the really big one is all of us against all of them," aka Heaven and Hell against humanity. Which I guess is like, a hint at a sequel, but that was in the book, too. I don't know. Interesting idea. Probably gonna happen in Season 3. Looking forward to it, I suppose. Crowley says, "Time to leave the garden." God, you really tried so hard. [both laugh] You tried so hard and not raw at all. I mean, maybe it's like, a self-referential, like, "He-he! Eden!" thing. Whatever. Crowley goes, "Let me tempt you to a spot of lunch?" and Aziraphale says, so cute, "Temptation accomplished!" doing like, what is he like- he's like, bouncing, basically, when he says it. And it's very fun. Like, I feel like this is like, they're both finally, like, fully aware that this is like- that they're doing [both] roleplay, yeah. They're on like, the exact same level about how this is roleplay now. And that's fun. That's fun for them.

And they go to the Ritz, and we have, like, diagetic, someone in the Ritz is playing "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square." It's Tori Amos singing, I think. And yeah, I know I complained about the lines they say here earlier, but looking at their faces did cause me to forgive everything that Neil Gaiman ever did and ever will do. But I'll become a hater again soon. But they look so in love! I don't know how to explain it. You just have to look at it. Ah! Ah!!

G: [laughs] Yeah.

C: So they're, yeah, you know, they're at their table. A waiter comes over and pours them champagne. and Aziraphale goes, "I like to think none of this would have worked out if you weren't, at heart, just a little bit a good person." And Crowley, with just the most fucking adoring expression says, "And if you weren't, deep down, just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing." And they cheers. Crowley says, "To the world."

G: "To the world."

C: Aziraphale says, "To the world." And ahhh! Like, like, like, okay, after Crowley says the bastard line, though, this is like, a thing that Aziraphale does a lot, and it makes me crazy where it's like he looks at Crowley, he smiles, and then he looks away, looking kind of like, guilty, or like, he feels like he's overindulging, and then he flicks his eyes back up at him for like, a second. Like, the look away/look back is- It's crazy. It's crazy! They're in love. What's happening? Is anyone else seeing this? Hello? Is anybody else?

G: Are they in wuv? [C screams] Yeah, this scene did nothing for me. [laughing]

C: What?

G: Yeah. I did not give a single shit.

C: But- but- but- he- the smile is- he- [confused sounds]?

G: Yeah.

C: Okay!

G: I don't know. I don't care.

C: Wow!

G: I'm rewatching it right now to understand your vision.

C: And?

G: Okay, I see. Whatever. [C exclaims] I still don't really give a shit.

C: Okay.

G: This is what I mean when I say that like, if I watched- if I binged this show, I would have not given a shit about it.

C: Okay. That's fine. I mean, that is what I assumed was gonna happen when this podcast started, I suppose.

G: You know what I like, though. Like, as it's zooming out, they start having a conversation, and we don't hear it. For obvious reasons, I think. I mean, the reasons that I like them are pretty obvious. But yeah! We're not privy to it, and that's a good thing! It's a good thing, you guys!

C: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's such a fun looking conversation, because Aziraphale's gesturing so spiritedly-

G: And they're laughing, yeah.

C: And Crowley's not moving, but you can see that they're like, smiling and laughing at bits. And it's nice. And God does like, a narration thing where it's, "{erhaps the recent exertion had had some fallout-"

G: There was a nightingale, blah blah blah.

C: "- in the nature of reality, because while they were eating, for the first time ever, a nightingale actually did sing in Berkeley Square. Nobody heard it over the noise of the traffic, but it was there, right enough." And yeah, we close with the song. I mean, nobody heard it because of the traffic! Okay.

-

C: Grey, what'd you think about this episode?

G: It's fine. [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: It is fine, though.

C: Yeah. I feel like most things were not wrapped up satisfactorily to me, but also like, yeah. There you go. But also, they're in wuv. So yeah. Well. Gayest moment?

G: I don't know.

C: I think I have... two? No, actually, there's a lot. I don't know. There's a lot.

G: [laughing] I love how I went, "I don't know," and you're like, "There's a lot!" I feel so guilty! I'm not doing a good job of talking about this episode.

C: You don't have to like it.

G: [laughing] Yeah, well.

C: Yeah. And you don't. So it's fine. Yeah, I think Aziraphale's smile, guilty look away, guilty look back, definitely gay. I think that the way Crowley, says, "angel" on "Angel, what if the Almighty planned it like this all along?" -

G: Oh yeah, that one, yeah, I guess.

C: - is crazy-making?

G: I like the one where they sit together in the bus!

C: Yeah. And I also think "I'll never talk to you again" being the threat is pretty gay. Transest moment. I think “Aziraphale” being like, less good at being Aziraphale, real, is pretty trans. Like, Crowley, not being as good of an actor is pretty trans 'cause that's not his favorite shape.

G: [laughs] I just- I thought a horrible thing, which is that Madame Tracy is transgender in the Tumblr sense in this episode. [C laughing] God, I hate Neil Gaiman so much! I hate him so much. Why does he write women this way?

C: I don't know. It's very frustrating. You know what? I will say one thing about Maggie and Nina next season, and it's that they seem like normal people.

G: Yeah, like it's not like a gimmick, yeah.

C: Yeah, they aren't written in a way where the whole time, Neil Gaiman was thinking about how they were women and how that would make him respect them less on his page. Well- I just remembered a line. Most of the time, they're written like people.

Grey, what are your predictions for Season 2/What do you remember from that time I ranted to you about it for an hour?

G: Um, there's gonna be a kiss at the end, which is initiated by Crowley after a fight. And it will end with them parting ways, and the parting ways is Aziraphale goes to Heaven, and Crowley doesn't want to come.

C: Yup.

G: That's such an odd thing given where they end this season, but okay.

C: I agree with that statement. [both laugh]

G: Well, I know that there is a lesbian couple that they try to get together, and then when the lesbian couple gets together or something - maybe they don't get together, I'm not actually sure - they go to Crowley and say, "Hey, are you in love with the angel?" [C laughing] And Crowley's like, "Yeah." And then he goes to confess. And that's when the divorce happens. God, it's miserable.

C: Yeah, sorry, Crowley.

G: There's dancing! They do dancing, and Crystal, you hate it.

C: They don't pull out a single good camera angle for it! [G laughing] "Oh, we're gonna use fucking cranes for Shadwell and Tracy, but like, oh, no, we're just gonna have like, five seconds of them dancing and not even gonna be Emma. (2020) at all. We're not gonna use a crane shot, either. We hate you."

G: I think- Oh, I know how it starts! There's going to be- Well, there's going to be someone- What's it? Oh, angels! Heaven. Etc. They're both angels. They're both making stars or something.

C: I'm booing very loudly in my head.

G: And then I also know that- you know, the funny thing is, I went into Season 1 knowing absolutely nothing. I knew nothing about Season 1. Nothing.

C: You know basically everything about Season 2.

G: Yeah, minus everything. I mean, I know, like, broad strokes, but I don't know how they come together, or anything.

C: Well, do they come together? Is there enough writing to bring anything together? Are there even things to bring together? Questions we can ask ourselves next week. [C laughs]

G: Also, I know that there is- Oh, John Hamm and nakedness is going to happen. 'Cause I heard- 'cause I watched an interview for Season 2 of Good Omens of Michael Sheen and David Tennant, fully expecting that it will be spoiler-free, 'cause, you know, it's an interview, and, you know, they say, "Oh, it starts with John Hamm being naked." And I was like, "Okay, sure."

C: Well, that's in the trailers, so.

G: I don't watch trailers, though.

C: Yeah, yeah. But I guess it's like, it wouldn't be a spoiler in their minds.

G: Yeah. I know Beelzebub and Gabriel are together, but like, I don't know how that plays into the Aziraphale and Crowley situation. Are they like, "Oh my god, they're in love. Are we?" Probably not, though. That's probably not the thought process. But whatever. I know that when Aziraphale asks Crowley to go to Heaven, he kind of says, like, "I can turn you into an angel again," because that's the thesis of the [both laugh] "Enchanted" AMV, which I am obsessed with, if I'm being for fucking real. Yeah, I mean, that's it. That's all I know, I think.

C: Yeah. Well. You do know basically all of it. Let's go. Alright.

G: Let us go. Rating.

C: Rating. 6?

G: It's fine. I'll give it a 7.

C: Oh, wait, I liked it more than you, but you're giving it a higher number. Should I revise my number?

G: Well, I mean, okay, I'll go- I mean, you said that Season 2 is bad, so I'm reserving my lower numbers for Season 2.

C: Oh, real.

G: Also the highest- I think the lowest I've given is a 7.

C: Really? I thought you gave a 6 for last episode. Episode 5.

G: Well, okay, did I? Okay, I'll give this a 5.

C: Wow, okay.

G: It's worse than last episode.

C: I'll just give it a 6, same as last. Which seems both too high and too low. Anywhere the wind blows.

G: It's not that bad of an episode, it's just a bad culmination to the show.

C: It's a letdown. Yeah. Ah, well. That’s it for this week’s episode of Rubbish and Probably a Podcast. Next week, we will be talking about Season 2, Episode 1: “The Arrival.” Or Season 2, Episode 1: "Chapter 1: The Arrival," 'cause they decided to be pretentious this time.

G: What the hell? C: Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

G: Follow us on social media! We interact through the account set up for our Supernatural commentary podcast, Busty Asian Beauties, so we are on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com and you can email us at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com. Again, thank you to everyone who is reaching out to us. So nice. So fun. Thanks so much.

C: Yeah. Love talking about the show with you guys. Thanks to everyone who’s donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod! See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[theme song]

-

[beep]

G: Should we talk about my escapades with fanfiction?

C: Sure, man. Go for it. [G laughs]

G: Well, I started- after I watched the last episode, Episode 6, I messaged Crystal, like, "Hey, do you have any like, Season 1 fics that you desperately want me to read so so bad?" So they sent some over, and I read them. [both laugh]

C: You sure did.

G: Well, not only did I read them, I was like, you know, going back and forth between the browser and the Discord message where Crystal sent them, and I'm like, "This is so frustrating. You know what I'm going to do?"

C: "I refuse to use the mark for later or bookmark functions of AO3 built into the website-"

G: No, but like, I don't like them. I don't like the built-in bookmark and mark for read whatever function of the AO3 website. So I made a GSheet- Actually, I'm going to pull it up right now, just so that we can see how much fics I have down. And it's like, combination list of recommendations and also stuff that I have read. There's currently a 119 fics in this thing.

C: Slay.

G: Isn't that a bit crazy? I mean, I haven't read all of them, so.

C: Congrats. Fun.

G: Thank you.

C: And you have reviews.

G: I do. It's- So it's title, author, link, length, category - which is just, I added that earlier today 'cause I realized that I have a very, very, very huge preference to when Crowley and Aziraphale are lesbians [laughs], so like, I just want the category so I can find easier the lesbian ones - and then tropes and details and remarks. And my remarks do vary in quality. So, hell yeah!

C: And a lot of them are just, “It's fine.” [G laughs]

G: Yeah, the amount of fics that Crystal has sent to me that I've replied with, "It's fine." is truly astounding. [C laughs] But some of them are not just fine. They are excellent. So that's, you know. You get some- What's the term? You lose some, you gain some? [both] You win some, you lose some. Yeah.

C: Yeah. I've lost quite a bit, but it's okay. I'm very strong.

G: [laughs] Yeah.

-

[beep]

G: They also have the fucking Horsemen in Supernatural right?

C: They do? Oh, yeah in like, My Bloody Valentine, there's like, that Famine guy.

G: Yeah. Famine, yeah. Death is in the next episode we're going to discuss in BABPod.

C: Yeah, in like, two months? Month and a half?

G: Yes.

C: God, I don't want to go back to Supernatural. [G laughs] You know what? After Good Omens Season 2, I’ll be begging to go back to Supernatural.

G: Yeah, probably.

-

[beep]

C: Okay, wait. How are you finding reading the book? Because I couldn't actually do it the first time I tried 'cause I was like, "This is too similar to the show, and I'm bored." Like, I needed some time away from the show before I could actually get through the book the first time. Do you find that to be the case?

G: Yeah, a little bit. I got to- right now, I am just immediately after, like, Adam gets the dog, and it's like, "Yeah, fine, whatever." I was like, "It's boring." I don't- I don't- I mean, it's not boring. It's a funny book, but-

C: It's not that funny.

G: It's fine! I have other books that I want to read, so, you know what I mean?

C: Yeah. Are you doing the audiobook?

G: And there's other Good Omens fanfictions that are in my GSheets. No. Not doing the audiobook? I tried it, I didn't like it.

C: That's fair. Yeah, I think I listened to the Martin Jarvis audio book all the way through recently, but when I listened to the Tennant and Sheen audiobook I just skipped to the places where they said things 'cause it was like, "Who give a shit about the narrator? I just wanna hear them act out the lines I'm sad that they cut."

[boobz-fye]

Comforting them after losing a game

Includes: Oikawa Tooru, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Kageyama Tobio, and Keiji Akaashi x G/N reader.

Warnings: the boys doubting themselves and cursing(I think I only said one bad word in kageyamas but whatever)

Rant: Ok, I feel like this post is actual shit. Like I say that about almost all of my posts- but this one is very bad. The only good one is Ushijimas I think, so I hope I do all of the characters a little justice tho. Also sorry that I haven't been posting much (for like two weeks) I have been very busy, and been dealing with writer's block. I will try and post something else some time next week. Think it's gonna be fluff for MHA tho. Anyways, HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS!!!!!

Oikawa Tooru~

It all happened too fast. He could have sworn that they were just in the lead, ahead of Shiratorizawa by two points. He was so close to beating them. And now what is he going to say to you, or the team? He promised all of you that they will win this only to not fulfill it. Slowly dragging his feet out of the gym, Oikawa starts to feel tears building up in his vision. ‘No you can't cry right now.’ Oikawa thinks as he starts to pick up a pace. Maybe this is all just a bad dream and he will wake up soon.. Yeah that sounds right. He can wake up and have a fresh start of the day, win against Shiratorizawa, then celebrate with his team mates, and to top it all off go over your house and cuddle the whole night.  Oh how lovely that sounds, only if that wasn't another fantasy planted in his head.

Overwhelmed with emotions Oikawa finally comes out of the locker rooms, only to see you sitting on the floor. “What are you still doing here baby?” You look up to see Oikawa putting on a fake smile that makes your heart break. “Come here..” You say rising to a standing position, with your arms open and welcoming. Oikawa doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you, and be consumed by your warmth. “You did amazing out there handsome.” Those few words made Oikawa feel butterflies in his stomach. The only thing that could make him feel better were your praises. But he still couldn't help the small ache in his chest, remembering that he promised everyone that they would win this game and make it to nationals. “If I did good then why didn't we win?” He says with a slight crack in his voice, making an ache of your own spread through your chest. “Maybe it was just luck. You were only off by one point, plus if it makes you feel better you'll be able to beat their ass in spring!” A breathy chuckle escaped from Oikawa's mouth, causing a grin to form on your face. “You're right baby, we will beat them in spring.”

Ushijima Wakatoshi~

Ushijima wasn't used to losing. The reality didn't hit him until he heard the opposing teams audience cheer. Looking over to the scoreboard when he hears the whistle being blown, only to see that his team has lost. A bitter taste settles on Ushijima’s tongue. But he is once again pulled out of his thoughts by a hand resting on his shoulder. He turns around to see his team standing behind him with a look of true defeat. “C’mon Ushijima, we have to line up” Tendou says with a tone a little different from his usual cheery one. Not knowing what to say Ushijima just grunts with a small nod.

Walking outside of the gym Ushijima starts to replay the game in his head to try and see where they went wrong, but soon was interrupted by some arms wrapping around him from behind. “Hi bubs.” you say nuzzling your head into his back. “Hello Y/N.”  “Soooo…” you try to think of what to say that will make Ushijima feel better, but it's hard to do so when he can be very blunt at some points and not understand what you are trying to get at. “Yes?” Ushijima says tugging at the sleeve of your jacket to gain your attention back to him. “How are you feeling after the game?” There is a little moment of silence that comes over the two of you causing a slight panic cloud in your mind, because what if he took your question the wrong way- “I don’t know how to feel about losing, I'm upset because we put a lot of effort in that game just to lose. But they won fairly, so I guess that just shows that we weren't good enough.” Ushijima states bluntly. You're kind of taken back by his answer, but notice how his eyes show more emotion than his words. You could tell that he was more than just upset. “Don't say that Ushijima, you guys did amazing out there. You guys were only off by a couple points!” You say as you take Ushijima’s hand into your own. “But still we tried our best and it wasn't enough.” You felt his hands tremble a little in your touch, looking at him with a soft gaze you say “I'm sorry bub, you will get them next time though, I know you will because you are good enough.” Ushijima nods and mumbles a thank you, while gently squeezing your hand. It's times like this, when Ushijima shows you his vulnerable side, that you hold dear to your heart.

Kageyama Tobio~

Kageyama dreaded feeling the pain in his chest after losing a game. He would never get used to it, and doesn't really care enough too anyways. Maybe if he didn't send the ball to Hinata, knowing that the idiot will just close his eyes, then they could have won. But even then Oikawa’s tricky serves would still be a pain to work around. Not to mention how fast the whole team learns their opponents weaknesses. Kageyama had gotten so lost in his thoughts that he forgot he had to meet up with you at a cafe in 6 mins. Today seems to just get worse and worse by the second and he doesn't know if he will be able to keep himself together for much longer.

You hear the bell on the cafe door ring, causing you to turn around and see that all too familiar face. Kageyama walks over to you and takes his seat. Only when he finally looks up you notice that he is panting. “Did you run all the way here kags?” “Yeah, would have been late if I didn't.” Kageyama never liked being late to anything that has to do with you, it makes him feel guilty, and he doesn't want to add upsetting you to the list of shitty things that have happened today. “I'm ok with you being a little late baby, especially when you just got back from your game…” Kageyeama drops his gaze back down to the table remembering that was the first game you got to see him play in just for them to lose, how embarrassing- “Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up.” you say rubbing the back of your neck. “It's ok….”  “Look at the menu and pick what you want, it's on me!” Kageyama shoots his head up and stares at you with wide eyes “Idiot im not letting you pay.” He mumbles while a blush spreads across his face. “Aww c'mon babe I can pay, let me get you some comfort food!” “Comfort food?” “Yeah food always helps me with stress” Before Kageyama could think over his next words, his mouth and brain betrayed him. “I think cuddles would make me feel better.” Both of you are taken back by his words, Kageyama was always so stubborn, forcing you to pick up hints from his behavior and piece them together to know what he wants. But you don't mind the forwardness; it helps you get straight to the point. Kageyama on the other hand is freaking out, he doesn't know if he was being too blunt or not, and your silence is not helping. “Never mind… forget what I said” “Whattttt, that sucks cause I was going to say yes but since you insist.” “Shut up, we can head over to mine after eating, the meal that I will be paying for, and cuddle. Now pick what you want already I don't have all day.” “Sir yes sir!” You say with a salute. “Dont do that you look dumb” Kageyama says, while trying to supress a grin. “You're so meannnnn” You whine with a pout. Even though Kageyama is teasing you the only thing you seem to be able to focus on is the way he starts to let loose and laugh around you. And when you look into his eyes all you see is love, not a trace of sorrow.

Akaashi Keiji~

It's only been a few minutes since the tragic game has ended and akaashi is already past the limit of stress he can handle. From the fact that they actually lost a game, while also trying to encourage the team and tell them that they will do better next time, and also trying to help bokuto get out of emo mode akaashi was starting to get a headache and wanted to just go home to sulk and attempt to relax. So once when he gets out of the shower akaashi throws on some clothes and runs out the locker room to the front gate. Not expecting you to be there waiting for him.

As Akaashi approaches the front gate he sees you standing there alone. “Y/N, what are you doing here? It's getting late.” “I know, I just wanted to check up on you” Akaashi looks into your worried eyes, causing him to feel a little guilt. Is he the cause of the expression on your face? “Oh well then can I walk you home?” You nod in approval, letting him take your hand and lead the way. A comfortable silence takes over the two of you, but you still can't help but feel like something is still off about Akaashi today, and none of his fake smiles and replies will put this thought at ease. “Hey Akaashi?” “Yes?” you stay silent for a little trying to think of the right words to say. “You know you guys did amazing at the game today right?” Akaashi hums in response, as the hold on your hand becomes a little shaky. “Good, because it's the truth. Just don't beat yourself up about it, you're great at what you do. Even though you guys didn't win I know you are still deserving of it. The only reason your opponents had a chance, was because of the chance balls. Plus you and your team have way more chemistry with each other then they did, it's almost like all of you can read each other's minds… Sorry I was rambling again.” Akaashi turns around and stares at you this time with a real smile on his face. “It's ok love, I think it's cute when you run your mouth. Now why don't we head over to your house instead? I want you to help me get rid of my stress, ok?” “And how can I help you with that?” Akkashi brings your hand towards his lips and gives it a quick kiss. “Cuddles of course, and let me eat whatever food you got in your house.” Akaashi says with a wink. On your way home you can't help but admire your caring boyfriend, always making time for you even when he's too emotionally and physically tired.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter six - “lake, the sequel”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.7k

synopsis: reader seeks out bucky after his dramatic exit and they find themselves earnestly conversing... back at the lake

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: this story is available on my wattpad as a bucky x OC fic @ / typicaldaze :)

He didn't like this feeling. No, he didn't like this feeling at all. He hated it, in fact. It was betrayal, bodily betrayal. He just could not sit in that room any longer or he would've peeled his skin off. His lungs felt as if they were bound with barbed wire and the state of his stomach had him worried he was going to throw up. Most of all he felt guilty. How could he have just stormed out of the room like that? She was going to hate him now. How could he let this happen?

He was thinking this over whilst sitting at the lake, hands in the grass, trying to distract the physical body from the mental cacophony he had just endured. He had somehow found his way there after leaving Y/N. These extremely unpleasant sensations were unfamiliar. Was he sick? Could he have been drugged? He was so confused. Bucky realized he seemed to be confused most of the time. Following that realization, he became mildly pissed off.

The super soldier stared out at the lake. It was a calm day, the water tranquil and clear. It was a stark contrast against his stress. He leaned forward and looked into the water at his reflection.

"Damn," he said out loud.

Is that really what I look like now?

His eyes traced over the long shaggy hair, dark under eyes, and the subtle but noticeable worry lines. This sight reminded him of when he broke the mirror at his old place in Bucharest. Now he remembered why. God, he looked as fucked up as he was. He leaned back and tossed a stone at where his reflection had been.

A deep sigh left his lungs, which were now conveniently working properly.

"Fuckers," he muttered, referring to the mercurial organs.

He had spent nearly two years alone in Bucharest, and he had grown accustomed to living in this new body. He was always on edge, that much he could tell. However, he was never too introspective; he never thought about his feelings or his behavior. All he was focused on was surviving. When there is more to life than survival, that's when things get complicated... not that they weren't complicated before. God, he was running in circles inside his own mind. His scarred and ruined and manipulated mind that resided in this body that was used as a tool for destruction and violence and death-

"Hey."

His head whipped around, startled out of his thought frenzy. Always on edge. Mentally, he shook his head in disappointment.

"Oh! (Y/N)!"

He stood up immediately. "Listen, I'm so sorry about before, I don't know what-"

"It's okay," she said quickly, holding up her hands. "Bucky, you do not need to apologize, everything is totally fine."

He was taken aback. Words didn't seem to work.

"I'm not mad if that's what you were thinking," she said.

"You're not?"

"No, of course not. If anything I was worried."

"I- Worried?"

"Yes, you were clearly in distress, and that room was the last place you wanted to be. I'm glad you found your way back here because you look much better now," (Y/N) explained with earnest eyes.

She could tell he was freaked out? She probably thinks he's insane.

"Yeah, I... I think I'm better now."

He was far from okay, but definitely better than before.

The psychologist sat down next to where he was standing. He didn't move, but looked down at her.

"I don't think it'd be wise to leave you alone here considering you're supposed to be in a session with me right now and you can't go anywhere without an escort. It would most likely lead to suspicion and then trouble you don't need. I'm going to stay with you. We can continue the session if you'd like, but if not we can just sit."

She said this all while looking straight forward at the water.

In all honesty he wasn't sure what to say, so he settled with a breathy, "Okay," before sitting down next to her.

"I'm getting the vibe that this is more of a just sit situation..."

"Yeah... I think I'm all therapy-ed out for today," Bucky said in a meek attempt at a joke.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a wide smile. He then realized that she didn't know he could see it, and that's why this smile seemed different. Most differents in Bucky's life hadn't been outstandingly pleasant. But this was a welcome different. This was a good different. It was genuine and unbridled. That was the most open he'd ever seen her.

Every now and then he forgot that he was a literal trained super spy. He may not have any PhD's, but he had his own way of reading behavior, cues, and subtleties. Perhaps he'd make an effort to be more observant. Perhaps he wanted to learn a little more about what else was behind this new different.

A few beats of comfortable silence passed before he heard the word again.

"Hey," (Y/N) started softly. "I'm sorry if I went a little too far today. I know I said our first session wouldn't be much, but I realize I was pushing too far."

"Oh, it's okay," Bucky replied, looking down at the grass between his knees. "I think it's more my fault anyway. It's not like the questions were super intense."

He let out a loaded sigh. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Bucky it's really okay. If it's anyone's fault it's mine. This whole process is supposed to be based on your comfort levels and at your own pace. And there's nothing wrong with you. Your reaction was completely normal given the circumstances."

Bucky wasn't terribly familiar with reassurance. He turned his head, looking at her dead on. She was so genuine, like she knew all of what she was saying was the all encompassing truth.

Echoes of different combinations of "there's nothing wrong with you" and "completely normal" and "your own pace" flitted around inside him until they melted into a feeling he hadn't felt in so long: hope. It was horrifying... yet it gave him a kind of relief he didn't know he could feel.

The super soldier then realized that (Y/N) was looking right back at him dead on. He was about to stumble through some sort of apology for staring or thankful expression for her kindness, but he noticed that she didn't look like she was necessarily waiting for a response. She was just... looking.

Bucky tried to say something, anything. But he just couldn't seem to pull his eyes away. In this brief moment, he felt crystallized. His conscious, logical brain was somewhere far away, hypnotized by the stillness of the moment. It was only a few seconds, but somehow felt longer. These very few seconds of mental sedation were soon over.

Speak, idiot.

He snapped back to reality, suddenly finding himself inspecting at the grass below him.

"Thank you."

"Of course," she replied without missing a beat. Her tone of voice was water soft.

"(Y/N), do you... do you know what happened with me earlier?" he asked, cautiously. "Like, what was wrong- I mean, not wrong but why I-"

He sighed frustratingly, cutting himself off.

Her face was patient, but she was waiting for a description of something he didn't know how to describe.

"I know I said we were done for today, but I-I don't know how to explain it, and I want to know what it is," he confessed.

"I think you had an anxiety attack."

Anxiety? That couldn't be right. There's no way that could've been from being nervous.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"Anxiety. It seemed as though you were experiencing high amounts of anxiety. Most people get nervous at times, but those tiny amounts are normal. But, some other people are a lot more nervous a lot more of the time. Sometimes, these peoples' anxiety can get particularly high and be so overwhelming that their body kinda takes over, and they can experience really uncomfortable physical symptoms, and this can turn into an anxiety attack."

"I thought I was... sick or... or drugged or something."

"Well, I'm almost certain you weren't drugged, and I'm pretty sure you can't even get sick."

"Oh."

He honestly didn't know what to say.

"Bucky," she looked straight at him again and he almost felt himself slipping. "In terms of psychology, a lot has progressed since the 40's. I'm not sure how anxiety was presented or studied then, but there's really a lot more to it than people think. And honestly, given your situation, it would be strange if you didn't develop an anxiety disorder."

Anxiety disorder?

"Anxiety disorder? I have that?"

"Well, again, I think we have to do more work to confirm, but that's what it seems like."

"I thought you said I had PTSD?"

"I do. I think you have both."

Christ.

"Wow, I'm a whole sack 'a problems, aren't I?" he chuckled, giving up on trying to internally oppose his short comings.

"You're not a problem, Buck. You had to deal with a whole sack of problems, though," she smiled.

The nickname didn't miss his radar. Was that the first time she's called him that? He ignored how he liked it.

"That's for damn sure."

They conversed for a while after that, and didn't seem to notice how late it was until the sun began to set. The ending day's reflection on the water created an aura so relaxing Bucky didn't want to move. But alas, reality calls.

(Y/N) stood up. "If you're not back soon, they'll start looking for you. We should probably get going."

Bucky stood up, too, following her request.

"I'll walk you back to your quarters," she offered.

And so they went, conversation continuing naturally, as if they were old friends. Bucky found it strange that someone he knew so little was so easy to talk to. He brushed it off as some inherent therapist quality.

He still found her hard to read although he knew her more with each passing word between them.

Despite all of this, the walk back, with cool air, a melting sky, and languid steps, was the best thing he had experienced since coming out of cryo. His memory may be spotty, and his mind may be rough, but this, this he was sure of.

[mysinsforbts]

The present I couldn’t give you

Kim Seokjin x (f) reader

Dom Boyfriend Seokjin x Sub (f) reader

Rating: +18  

About:  Birthdays mark the day of someones birth. That's why we celebrate those days and want to give presents to the people we like/love. You weren't any different. Seokjin's birthday was a day away and you wanted to make him happy. But what can you give to someone who has everything, at this time of the year, 2020. When you're insecure about yourself, Seokjin gives you courage and shows you the real meaning of a present. After all, things that come from the heart are the most meaningful ones. 

Warnings:  semi angst, smut, cursing, dom/sub heavy, dom Seokjin, size kink,  dirty talk, handcuffs, kitchen sex, daddy kink,  hickeys/marking, masturbation, vaginal fingering, oral (f), handjob, squirting, teasing and A LOT fluff.  (Let me know if I forgot something~ )

( I’m sorry it took so long! I’ve lost my inspiration for a long time. But I’m better now~ The description above sounds very bad.. lol ♡ )

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2 years of love. 2 years of happiness. 2 years of trust and hardships. Today is the day your wonderful boyfriend, Kim Seokjin asked you to be his girlfriend. It's a special day but not only because of your love. Today is also Seokjin's birthday. That is why you planned on doing something special for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ A day before ~

"Ahh.. god! I don't know what to do. I don't want to buy something for him.. that is to easy. We also can't really go anywhere because of.. well 2020", you sighed while looking at your phone. You were talking to Jimin, a great friend of yours and Seokjin's group member. "Mhh... How about you sing him a song?", jimin smiled while trying not to burst into laughter. You giggeld but sighed straight after, "For what? To embarrasse myself or hurt his ears??". You knew that Jimin loved to tease you, but now wasn't the time. You just had one day left and you still didn't have a clue of what you could give to him. Jimin startef to laugh and turned away from you, "Sorry.. haha~ Mhh.. you could paint him something?", and than he continued to laugh. "Jimin!..", you blushed at the thought of giving Jin a weird drawing. You for the hell of satan couldn't draw or paint. "Do you have fun pointing out my weaknesses?", you giggeled while shaking your head. "What?? I'm sure Seokjin-hyung would love it. He probably would hang it on his wall no matter how bad it is~", jimin laughed while pushing his hair out of his face. You rolled your eyes and sighed, "But it can't be bad! It has to be something beautiful!".

"Write him a letter!", jimin said. "I did that already last year. It was 2 pages long", you sighed. "Make him a album with all your photos in it!", jimin brought up the next idea. "That!... oh no I did that also last year.. for christmas", you slowly lost hope. Was there anything you haven't done for him at this point??  "That is very difficult than..", even Jimin sighed now. "Good! There is only one option left! Do you wanna hear it?", he said with this smirk on his face. You knew something was up. "What??- I have the feeling it's a bad idea.. but tell me", you answered while taking your cup to take a sip from it.

"Give him a lapdance!", jimin proudly said while licking his lips. You couldn't believe what you just heard and chocked on your drink. "I should- What??-", you asked shocked while coughing. "Yeah! People do that and more in movies all the time!", jimin smirked, "That is porn jiminssi!", you heard jungkook's voice in the back. After you could breath again you turned back to your video chat, "I-.. you know what.. I'm not even gonna ask!", you blushed, "But Seokjin and I aren't that far in our realtionship..", you looked shy away.

"You can't tell me is vanilla?? He for sure isn't!", jungkook all of sudden grabbed jimin's phone and looked at you.. "I saw him buying handcuffs a few days ago!", he bursted out. "HE WHAT??", jimin and you asked at the same time. "I really saw it! So I wouldn't be suprised if he would be into a lapdance.. from you~", kookie smirked while giving jimin his phone back. "Ohh.. that is some news~ Who thought Seokjin-hyung is a dom??", jimin smirked too. You cheeks were so red and you felt so hot, like you were out in the glowing sun. The thoughts made you curious and you wanted to ask more, but..

"DID YOU honestly think I'm a sub??", you heard a voice behind your back. The voice sounded pissed but also ironic at the same time. "Jinni!", you said while turning around to your boyfriend. He was home sooner than expected. "Hey love~", seokjin said while kissing your head, "I didn't know you were disscussing our privat live with my group members~", he said laughing while taking off his jacket. You just blushed, "I- didn't-", but before you could end the sentence, Jimin answered for you. "No hyung, it was my fault I was teasing her about beeing so slow in a realtionship!", he giggeled and winked at you. You got the hint and decided to play along, "Yes and I was trying to explain to them why our realtionship is like that! And that I'm happy that it is what it is", you sighed while leaning on jin. Jin sat down right next you and kissed your cheek while laughing, "You're doing such a good job love! Not everyone has such a high sex drive like you Jimin~". Jungkook and you both started laughing while Jimin just pouted.

And the day also went by.

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~ Today ~

As you woke up it still was dark outside. You looked around in the dark room before your gaze stopped at your sleeping boyfriend. He looked so handsome even in the dark. You were so lucky. As you layed there and watched him you still thought of a present. Buf before you could make a decission Seokjin cuddeld close to you and hugged you thightly. It looked so adorable. His big body with his bright shoulders clinging on to your small one. Not wanting to wake him you didn't move, just raised your hand to caresses through his hair.

Than an idea came to your mind. 'Something beautiful doesn't mean it has to be a lot', you thought. You decided to keep it simple this year. 'I will just make breakfast and give him a good massage!', you smiled, happy that you finally found a present. The only problem now was, how would you leave without waking Jin up. Seokjin's head was laying on your chest while his arm is laying on your thighs. Carefully you tried to sneak your legs out under his arm. As your legs were hanging out of the bed you gently lifted up jin's head and layed him on the pillow next to you. For your luck Seokjin just continued to sleep as he cuddeld himself into the blanket you just gave him. You toke your phone from the nightstand and searched for Seokjin's shirt. You loved wearing his clothes, they all smelled like him and they were so comfortable. You just had to find your underwear and than you could go. But finding it with just your phone light was not as easy as the shirt. 'Shit?! Where did jinni threw them last night??', you cursed yourself for not picking them up before you fell asleep.

You eyed Seokjin's boxers and smirked, 'well.. his fault', you thought while putting on your boyfriend's boxers. Now you finally could go into the kitchen. The moment you stood up, you felt yourself beeing pulled back, "Where are you going love??", seokjin whined while having his arms around you, pulling you close again. You layed your hands on top of his arms and giggeld, "I was going to the bathroom jinni~". You whispered, "Can you let me go please?". After a few seconds you felt his arms disappear, "But be fast! I feel lonely without you~", he whined while turning around. You did your best not to giggle at him. For what is he so adorable??

As you looked over to him once again, he breathed slowly. 'Guess he fell asleep again..', you smiled and stood up. You went into the bathroom and almost got a shook while looking into the mirror.  Your whole neck was covered in hickeys and bite marks from last night. Not just your neck, also your shoulders and thighs were full. 'Shit.. that's hot', you bit your lip and brushed your teeth. After you were done you walked into the kitchen and closed the door. It was still dark outside and the kitchen was colder than expected. First you made coffee for yourself, while taking a sip here and there you started to prepare everything for the pancakes. 'Cooking might be not my thing but for my wonderful boyfriend I'll try my best', that was what you thought.

Well.. it sounded better in your head. The moment you put the oil in the pan everything went wrong. First try. Second try. Third try. All those pancakes were to thinn and also a bit burned. Teary eyed you looked at the ruined food. 'If I continue like this jinni will laugh at me. I'll just embarrasse myself..maybe I should stop here?', you turned the stove off and thought about whatelse you could make for breakfast. But the longer you thought the more tears started to run down your face, 'I really don't deserve him', that was your end thought. 'Jinni does so much for me. But I... I can't even cook without having any problems..', you never felt more disappointed in yourself. You hid your face in your hands, not knowing what to do now, 'I'm the worst girlfriend ever.. I don't even have a present', the negative thoughts crashed down on you and it felt like all you could see was black. 

As soon as you wanted to rub your hand over you cheek, someone caught your hand in his. 'Jinni-', you thought while looking up to him. But all you saw was a blurr. The feeling of his warm, big hand on your cheek made you feel butterflys in your stomatch. With one touch, one word, one gaze he managed to wip all those bad thoughts away. "Love?", seokjin asked with his raw morning voice. The look on his face told you that he was confused, worried but also ready to protect you from whatever had hurt you. In that moment Seokjin was like the moon which stripped away your darkness. He was like a prince on a white horse. Like a hero from a action movie.

"What happened?? Please don't cry!", he whispered while kneeing before you, caressing over your cheeks. He reached over to gave you a tissue. But all you could do was hugging him, clinging on to his back. Without wasting a second, without saying anything he hugged you back. Seokjin held you tightly in his arms, while caressing your back. He looked around and realised that you probably wanted to cook something. A second later he found himself smiling. Today was his birthday and his amazing partner wanted to cook him something. That meant so much to him. He thought highly of you and he loved you so much. "Do you need my help? You know I'm the cook champion right?~", jin whispered in your ear and smirked as you started to laugh. You laughed with tears in your eyes. It always was a mystery to you how seokjin could make you feel so many things. One touch and you felt so safe as no one could ever hurt you. One word and you felt like the most loved person on this world. One gaze made you feel so much hope. And one kiss can make you lose your mind.

Jin looked at you with this warm, loving gaze. His eyes were so welcoming. His hand caressed the last bit of your tears away, before gently pushing your hair out of your face, "Whatever happened, I won't be mad love. So please talk to me?~", he said with a calm voice. You pouted while looking at him, "I wanted to make you pancakes for breakfast as your birthday present.. but I failed.. no matter how hard I try it just won't work. I'm very sorry Jinni". Explaining made you almost tear up again, "I thought you would be dissapointed, you always do so much for me but I can't even make you a simple birthday present..". As soon as you looked down Seokjin's fingers grabed your chin to make you look at him, "I'm not dissapointed! The thought alone makes me happy. That you would make something selfmade for me and you also tried so hard. Which makes me so proud as your boyfriend! Thank you Y/N! But my most amazing birthday present is you, by my side, 24/7~", jinni smiled and cutely squished your cheeks, "So please stop crying now? We should make some pancakes for breakfast right? I'll train you from today on! You better be greatful, the pancake-champion himself will train you!".

You started to laugh and grabbed his hands to pull them away from your face, "Okay I won't cry anymore jinni!". The moment he turned around, you moved fast and hugged him from behind. Hiding your face in his still naked back, "Thank you Seokjin! You're the best boyfriend someone could ever have! I'll try my best to learn from you", I whispered. After a few seconds of silence you noticed that Jinni still was shirtless and you just hugged him tightly. Blushing and trying to control your emotions you let him go while walking past him to the stove. "S-so what do we need first?", you asked while looking around trying to find an answer. From behind you could feel Seokjin smirk. But than he walked next to you like nothing happened. "We should start from the beginning, so you'll learn better", he said while smiling at you.

That's how you learned to make pancakes from your handsome boyfriend. You couldn't help but to admire him. Even his teaching was attractiv. Everyone knew how amazing Jin is at cooking but seeing it for yourself is really a blessing. The way his hand had such a strong grip and his veins just turned you on. Who could blame you? Your boyfriend was making pancakes, shirtless and with his veins popping out in his arms. Also the look he gave those pancakes didn't make it better. 'I wish he would look at me like that and grab me like-',.. "Y/N are you there?? Have you been listening to me?", seokjin stood infront of you with some finished pancakes, "I said.. you can sit down. We can eat~", with that he walked past you and sat down on a chair. You blinked once, twice and shortly followed him to also sit down. The moment Jin started to eat, you stopped him, "Jinni! Hold on!". - "to your hand?", he looked at you, just to start laughing. Leaning over the table, still laughing over his pun, you kissed him gently and whispered, "Happy Birthday", against his lips. Seokjin smiled against your lips. "How are you this sweet?", he smirked and kissed you back. Than he leaned away and placed a part of the pancake in your mouth, "You should eat too~". Your eyes opened in suprise and you sat back down. Chewing on the pancake you pouted and looked at your now happily eating boyfriend. He looked like he was in paradise. This picture infront of your eyes made you so happy and you couldn't help but to smile. After enjoying the sight for a few minutes, you started to eat too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ 2 hours later ~

You just finished cleaning up kitchen while Jinni went to take a shower. Sitting on the chair while leaning your head on your hand you couldn't help but to think about that handcuffs thing. What does he want to do with them? Will he test them out on me tonight? Just the thought alone made you thighs temble. It's not like Jin and you had never done it before. You did it a few times and you enjoyed every second of it. But that thought of beeing a sub for him turned you even more on. The wetness between your legs wasn't to ignore anymore, so you rubbed your thighs together. But that wasn't nearly enough. Wanting more, you pushed a hand down your body. Carressing over your already hard nippels, down to Seokjin's boxers. You pushed one hand under them as you gently rubbed your clit. That felt so good.

Your memorys from last night played out once again in your head. The way his big hands felt on your body. The way his big king sized cock pounded into you. Seokjin was so hot with sweat running down his face, growling your name. His words made your head dizzy while his hands overstimulated you. Without noticing it you pushed two fingers in your now wet and needy hole. The fact that you fingered yourself in his boxer just turned you more on. Your clit pulsed, it wanted to be touched so bad. Letting out a sigh and a moan here and there you closed your eyes. Totally lost in your thoughts and pleasure you didn't hear Jinni come out of the bathroom. He walked towards you but stood still the moment he saw what you did. His eyes got wide and he almost moaned at the sight.

Seokjin felt his cock getting hard through his towel, "Fuck.. I'm so lucky..", he said with a deep, raw voice. His gaze lingered on you, just watching you getting yourself off. Slowly he rubbed his hand against the towel, trying to hold himself together. But he wanted more, he wanted you. All of you.

The moment you let out a cute whine was when he lost it. Seokjin walked towards you, grabbed your hand and kissed you deeply. You whined at the lost of touch but happily kissed back as you felt Jin's warm, soft lips on yours. After a bit he pulled away and took your hand to his mouth, just to suck on your fingers. Gosh..

That sight was so attractiv. You rubbed your thighs together while watching him with sinfull eyes. You started to wonder what that tongue of his would feel like between your thighs, on your clit or while thrusting in your hole. A moan left you as you felt Seokjin's other hand rub over your clit, down to your hole and back up. He didn't add much pressure to tease you. One of his finger started to slowly circle your clit while he looked at you with those wide blown eyes. He also wanted you, like you wanted him.

"You're such a naughty girl, you know that love? I saw you earlier~", Jinni said while still playing with your clit. With the next few words he added more pressure to his moves, "Did you want to be seen by me?". His words sounded more like a statement than a question. You whined and couldn't help but spread your legs more apart. Wanting more of his touch, of his dirty words you looked at him with a pout, "Jinni~ I'm so wet for you~ Please help me?~", you whined. Your sudden cuteness made him laugh and shake his head, "How can I say no to such a cute lady?", he smiled as he looked at you. "But..", than Seokjin's sweet smile turned into a evil smirk, "A lady doesn't get herself off on a kitchen chair. Right my princess?", he gently snapped his finger against your clit and stood up. "Take your clothes off and lay on the kitchen table! I'll be there in a few seconds princess~", his voice sounded even deeper than before. With one last glance to you he walked out of the room.

Still sitting on the chair, letting out a deep breath and trying to realise what just happened. Your cute boyfriend Seokjin just turned into one hot dom. His behavior completly changed. You didn't know if it was just you but today he seemed even more of a dom than yesterday. The pluse of your clit brought you back to reality. Without wasting another second you jumped up and took of Seokjin's shirt and boxers. It was something new, it made you excited and turned you on so much. You layed on the table like Jinni told you too, now waiting for him. Lucky you didn't wait any second longer because he just walked back into the kitchen. You looked to him and saw the pair of handcuffs in his hands. 'HE REALLY BOUGHT THEM??', you blushed at looked away again. But before you could look anywhere else Seokjin grabbed your chin and turned your head to him again, "Getting shy now love? I want to try something new today! I'm sure you'll like it!", he leaned in to kiss you once again. While pushing his tongue in your mouth and starting a make out with you, he pulled your arms over your head. Gently caressing over your wrists while moaning into the kiss.

'Click'. After the sound Seokjin pulled away and licked his lips, smirking at you, "After all you want me to help you right?~", he looked at you with this dark shining eyes. You felt your clit pulls once again. 'Fuck- Why is he so hot??', you bit your lip and nodded at his words. His hand caressed over your neck, down to one of your breasts, grabbing one and massaging it. With his thumb he played with your nipple here and there, making you whine. "Do you like this?", jinni whispered against your other breast before licking over your nippel with his tongue. He played with you and you loved it. The way he teased you, made you drip even more. Your legs were shaking, your whines are geting louder with every pull of your nippels. And than Seokjin stopped touching you. He moved away from your body and looked at you, "Answer me love!". You looked up at him and quickly understood why he stopped, "Yes Seokji-", you started but let out a yelp as you felt a pull of your right nipple. "Wrong name love!", he spread your legs while looking at you with this intimidating stare. You knew what he meant but you were to shy to actually call him that. It was one of your kinks, you told him that once. You just weren't expecting him to bring that up one day. With one day you meant now. Closing your eyes, you felt your face heat up, '"Yes D-Dadd-", getting cut off in the middle of your answer, you opened you eyes quickly. "Worldwide Handsome", jinni said while looking at you with a bright grin.

As he saw your flushed, shocked face he couldn't help himself but to laugh. As you realised that he just pulled a joke on you, you started to pout and laugh too, "Yaah! Jinnii..", you whined and looked away. Seokjin chuckled and leaned down to give you a kiss, "Sorry love~ Did I spoil the mood now?", he smiled at you. Shaking your head and kissing him back you answered, "No I'm still wet for you Jinni~".

"Will you let me eat you out than, princess?", he asked with his deeper voice while kneeling down infront of the table you still layed on. Your smile left your face as all your dirty thoughts came back. Spreading your legs open for him you whined,"Please jinni.. my prince~", you added teasingly. Seokjin just smirked up you and leaned forward. First he gently pressed his tongue on your dripping slit, giving you small kitten licks. The way his eyes closed and he just tasted you made your clit pulls even more. "You taste so good my princess~", he whispered against your cunt. The moment after he circled your clit with his tongue, gently sucking on it here and there. With his one finger he played with your entrance before pushing it all the way in. Your moans became louder with every touch he gave you. Also the table just got runied as your dripping juice landed on it, wetting the material. But you couldn't care less as Jinni pushed another finger into you, slowly starting to move them. In and out. Up and down. His tongue played harshly with your clit. Licking, flicking and sucking it. His breath felt so hot on your skin. You wanted to touch him so bad but couldn't. The handcuffs didn't allow you to move very much. But you enjoyed it, you loved it and you wanted to feel more.

"Do you like it when I thrust deep into you?", he asked, looking up to you. His eyes were so dark and full of desire. With one move of his fingers you arched your back of the table and almost screamed. Seokjin smirked. He found it. He found that one spot that let you see stars. "You really liked that huh?", he leaned back down to suck on your already red clit. As he started too hit your hidden spot with every thrust of his fingers you lost it. Screaming and throwing your head back and forth was the only thing you could do.

"Cum", is all he had to whisper and you let go. Your legs felt shaky, your eyes were closed as you tried to catch your breath. Seokjin pulled his fingers out and licked them clean. With his other hand he gently caressed over your stomatch. "Are you okay love?", he asked and leaned down to kiss you deeply. Kissing him back while nodding. You felt how his hands moved up to yours and opened the handcuffs. Jinni took your hands in his and gently caressed them, "Did it hurt?". You looked up at him and smiled, "No Jinni~ You were amazing and I very much enjoyed it!". He kept holding your hands and looked into your eyes. It should feel tense but there was something different now. He had a slight hint of happiness in his eyes.

"When you fell fron heaven to become my sinner?", he winked at you and started to laugh. You couldn't believe he used that line on you. "D-Did you just-", is how you started but ended as you realised he called you a 'sinner'. "DID you just c-call me a SINNER??", pulling your hands away from his, you gasped. Slapping your hand over your mouth, "How could you??". Seokjin just had to look at you and understood the game you were playing. He loved you for it. "What are you than? A nun??", he smirked while looking at your neck, "But a nun shouldn't have those things~", he pointed at your hickeys. "N-No! But I'm an Angel~", you smiled as innocent as possible at him. Jinni started to laugh while shaking his head, "Says the one who discusses our sex life with my group members~". Making you gasp again while grabbing something from behind, "Says the one who uses handcuffs on his girlfriend~", you smirked right back at him. And than both of you started to laugh. Everything was like usually and that was what you loved about your realtionship. It's doesn't always have to be serious. Jinni always made you have fun.

Seokjin hugged you and kissed your cheek, "I love you so much my princess~", he kissed your nose and than your forhead. Enjoying his touch you giggeld, "I love you too my prince~ Very much~", you leaned in and kissed him deeply on the lips. Out of the soft kiss another make out started. Your tongues were all over each other. Without thinking you pushed him down on the table and pulled down his towel. His king sized cock jumped straight up in your hand and pullsed once. You pulled away from the kiss just to look down. A glance of his throbbing hard dick alone made you all horny again. Taking it in your hand and rubbing lazly up and down. Your slow moves got faster after a bit time had passed. Jinnis growls were so hot. Just as you were about to lean down he pushed you gently away, "S-Stop! I want to cum in you~", seokjin said while sitting up.

He stood up and before you could say something he picked you up as you were his bride and walked back to your bedroom. Arms around his neck, face against his sweaty still wet chest. He smelled soo damk good and you felt so damn safe. It was an amazing feeling. But that soon ended as he just dropped you on the bed and almost jumped over you. "Sorry princess, but I can't wait any longer! I can't be gently now.. let me ruin you?~", seokjin growled, spreading your legs and leaving more marks on your neck. His hips started to rub his cock against your  wet slit. You moaned and let your head fall back against the pillow, "Y-Yes please ruin me Daddy~". You did it. You let it all out. Your fantasy finally becoming reality. You looked up at your prince, to see how he reacted. Jinni didn't mind at all. His innocence was long gone and everything you said just made his cock want you more. He couldn't wait to feel your insides,to feel your clench around him. Without a warning he pushed into you. Softly, inch by inch. But his inches were huge. He wasn't even half in yet.

"Are you sure you can take all of Daddy today?", he had stopped for a while. Caressing over your thighs while kissing your stomatch. You just nodded and whined a quiet, "Y-Yes more daddy", since your mind was blank. All you could feel was him. Lucky that was all Jinni needed to continue. He pushed all of him into you, until his hips met your thighs. You felt so full but you loved beeing full. You loved taking all of his huge cock.

Seokjin stayed still and played with your nipples, "Daddy is so proud of you~ You take me so well! Look how amazing we fit together~", he praised you again. The feeling made you tear up. It just felt so good. "M-move please..", you whined while laying your hands around his neck, wanting him closer. But you also just pushed him deeper, which made both of you moan loudly. All of sudden you felt his precum dripping down your thigh. Quickly forgetting about it as you felt a hard, deep thrust, "Look what you did love! Making me lose my mind! I will destroy you~", seokjin moaned against your neck while grabbing your legs. He pulled them over his shoulders as he thrusted into you in a fast pace. Hard, deep and fast wasn't the best thing for you. You screamed, yelled, threw your head from side to the other and even cried tears as you two got lost in the ocean of pure desire. You were such a mess and Seokjin enjoyed that.

"I'm going too-", jinni growled while pounding into you with an incredible speed. "I'm your dom Y/N! My cum in you will be the proof for it!". His dirty words made you fall over the cliff. Your whole body started to shake and you even squirted. Screaming out his name over and over again. Seokjin felt you clenching around him. You would cum any second. As he heard your scream his name it was over for him. With a few quick, fast thrusts he painted your walls white. Breathing hardly he let himself fall on top of you and rolled you over. Now you layed on his chest while he held you close. Jinni caressed over your back while kissing your forhead gently, "You did so well my lovely princess~", his voice was filled with so much love and warmth. You smiled and looked up to him, kissing him with all the strengh you had left. "You also were amazing Worldwide Handsome~", you whispered against his lips with a giggle coming out of your moth. Seokjin just chuckled and grabbed the blanket just to pull it over the both of you, "Let's stay like this for a few more minutes until I'll clean you up okay?", he whispered while kissing your hair. The only thing you could do was nod as a sudden tiredness overcame your body. The last thing you heard, before you fell asleep was Jinnis, 'I love you'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 ~ A few hours later in the evening ~

As you felt the sun shining on your face you slowly opened your eyes. The first thing you felt was Seokjin's breath against your neck, the first thing you saw was the sunset over the city and the first thing that came to your mind was Seokjin's birthday. You two should've been with his other members by now, celebrating his birthday. But instead you were sleeping almost all day. Looking over to your wonderfull, still sleeping boyfriend you couldn't bring yourself to wake him. Jinni looked so happy and calm. You raised one hand to caress through his soft, fluffy hair. The only thing you could at moment was admiring him. You were so damn lucky to have such a boyfriend like Seokjin.

"Love?", you heard his still sleepy sounding voice in your ear. All of sudden you got pushed back into the matress as Jinni got on top of you. Suddenly kissing you with so much passion. Still suprised but so in love, you kissed him back while caressing over his bright shoulders, down his strong back. After another make out he pulled away and smiled at you. The brightest smile you ever saw on Seokjin. "I'm so happy to have you Y/N. You always do so much for me and you're always there for me. Today I had a great day, thanks to you. I actually have everyday a great day because of you. I don't need bought things or special suprises. The only thing I need is you Y/N. You are the best present I ever got!". His words sounded so beautiful, so honest and also so full of love. You could yourself feel getting teary eyed and your heart atched so painful but also so full of happiness. You weren't sure what you felt but it was a rollercoaster of emotions.

You smiled at him and just realised from his look that you must have started to cry. A minute later you could feel a tear running down your cheek. Today morning you were so insecure and frustrated with yourself and now your boyfriend just told you how he feels about you. That you were more then enough for him. That fact alone made you feel so happy.

Hugging jinni while trying to find words you could say to him, "I'm glad jinni! I was scared that I wouldn't be good enough for you since I didn't have any kind of idea for a present. But now I don't think so anymore! I'm just so thankfull to have you by my side~", is what you rambled together. Your tears stopped in the middle of talking but your voice still cracked a bit. Seokjin hugged you tightly while just letting you talk. He caressed through your hair and chuckled as you finished. "We really must be destined to be each others presents. Because I never told you, but there was a time when I had the same thoughts. But not anymore~", he leaned away to look in your eyes, "I truly love you!", he said with a bright smile on his stunning face. "I truly love you too, Kim Seokjin", you said with a happy and honest smile on your face.

"AWWW~ What a beautiful Scene!!", said a voice from the bedroom door, "You're amazing Hyung! No wonder that your realtionship is going on for so long!", another voice. This seems kind of familiar. Jungkook's voice! Your head snapped towards the door and you saw the two younger members, Jimin and Jungkook standing there. Smirks covering there face. You pulled the blanket closer to your body while hiding behind the sheets. "YAH! What are you doing here?? Out! Now!", Seokjin gave you the whole blanket and jumped up to see the boys out. But sadly he forget that he wasn't wearing anything either. "Hyung are you sure you wanna go out like that? The others are here too, you know?", jungkook pointed at Seokjin's body and tried his best not to laugh out loud.  ( I was dying writing this lol ).

"Wow! Did you grew bigger since the last time I saw you?? That is not fair! I want to be king sized too!!", Jimin whined while walking away, but later on you could hear is laugh. 'Such a slytherin..', you thought while trying your best to hold it togther. But the situation was just to funny and embarrassing. "I- What??", Seokjin looked down on himself as he realised that he was still naked after our exciting event earlier on. "Shit! Jungkook out! I'll be there any minute", he stuttered and you could already imagine how red his ears must have become. "Sure sure hyung! I'm happy for you. And nice hickeys Y/N~", the younger flashed you a smirk while walking away, closing the door behind him. That left you two alone again.

Silcence. Now it was quiet. The embarrassment still in the air. 1,2,3..laughter was heard. Seokjin and you both bursted out in tears of laughter while looking at each other. In your head you agreed with Jimin's words. This all was a beautiful scene! And your bound was a beautiful present.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(I hope you enjoyed! ♡ )

[ssamie]

ten. “greatest desire”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide, guns & cementaries

masterlist.      suicide freak!

"uh hi.. i know we don't really know each other that much.." atsushi started off. the boy had a nervous smile on his face as he stiffly waves at kenma, with tanizaki and naomi by his side 

"but have you seen y/n-san?" atsushi asked 

"y/n? why, what happened to her?" kenma asked worriedly 

atsushi, tanizaki and naomi were stood in front of nekoma's gym, trying to look for the girl, as per the president's wishes. "its been about a day since you guys went out to the arcade, right?" tanizaki chimed in "has she shown herself to you, or atleast texted any of you?" 

kenma frowned as he shook his head no. he looked back at the team who were trying to act like they weren't eavesdropping. 

"no.. i just assumed she was busy with work" kenma muttered 

"hmm, i tried to ask ranpo-san but he's too busy" naomi chimed in as she hugged tanizaki's arm to her chest 

"oya oya, sorry to barge in on the conversation-" kuroo interjected. the captain had a sly grin on his face as he walked towards the group. "but we just so happen to overhear something about our manager going missing?" kuroo mused 

"yes, sorry if we're intruding" atsushi bowed 

"but y/n-san went missing again, and the president ordered us to find her in under four hours" tanizaki sighed 

"or else we get our asses handed to us" atsushi shuddered 

kuroo and kenma gave each other a look and nodded along. "we'll try to look for her later" kuroo said "we'll let you guys know" 

"thank you so much!" atsushi exclaimed with a smile "would you mind calling the agency if you find her?" he said as he handed them a piece of paper with the agency's number 

"its really hard tracking her down" tanizaki says with a chuckle "when she chooses to disappear, it's like she never existed in the first place" 

"anyways, we'll be on our way" atsushi excused "we've troubled you long enough" 

"its no problem.." kenma muttered 

naomi waved them goodbye as they walked away. the duo waving back meekly as they watch their retreating figures disappear. 

"hey, you okay?" kuroo nudged his friend kenma nodded and looked down at his shoes "yeah.." 

"i think i'll go look for her now" kenma muttered "eh? kenma, we could just go later" kuroo said with a raised brow 

"im going. bye" kenma muttered, completely disregarding kuroo as he went straight out the door 

"where's he going?" yaku asked as he peeked his head out the gym doors "he's gonna look for y/n" kuroo answered 

"damn. what a simp" yamamoto sneered 

"wow. that's rich coming from you." 

"i swear to god.." kenma grumbled "if she ends up getting found in a ditch and i wasted all that time running around for nothing.." he scoffed 

he's been running around the streets of tokyo, passing through every street and alleyway to try and look for the girl. so far he hasn't seen a single trace of her, not even a single person who has managed to pass by her. 

"y/n.." kenma huffed out. he was currently by a riverbank, leaning against the metal railings of the bridge while he tried to catch his breath. 

"you called?" 

kenma jumped at the sudden emission of her oh-so-familiar voice, and turned around to face her "what the- y/n?! where did you come from?!" kenma shrieked out 

"also, where have you been?! atsushi-kun and a bunch of people from your job came to the school today looking for you" he said 

y/n chuckled and strode over to his side, jumping over the rails and sitting on the flat surface of the bars. "if i told you that the port mafia took me hostage and threatened to execute me, would you believe it?" she mused 

"no." 

"then i won't bother to say" she shrugged 

kenma eyed her warily. her port mafia story could actually be believable, now that he thought about it. given as, her bandages were loosened and torn, almost as if they broke off with too much movement. and along with the dried blood resting upon her cheeks and hands. 

"are you okay?" kenma asked worriedly 

even if it was believable, it could've been just her trying to kill herself yet again. not that it was any better

"of course" she smiled "though my body is a bit sore.. chuuya really doesn't hold back"

kenma froze and slowly turned his head towards her with a blank and emotionless look on his face. 

"chuuya doesn't what." kenma spat out "did you seriously disappear to hook up with that dog? that-that man child? that eyesore? that-" 

"what are you talking about?" she laughed

kenma huffed and propped his elbow on the cold metal, resting his chin on his hand as he pouted 

"you're really funny, kenma-kun" she mused 

"really? cause im not laughing." kenma grumbled "i ran around the whole city for you, only to find out you ran off with some guy" his honey hued orbs eyed her down, watching her chuckle softly as the golden rays of the sun illuminated the surroundings around her

"y/n.." he mumbled "why did you really disappear?" 

"i already told you" she replied with a sigh "the port mafia is truly a force to reckon with" 

"that's why you gotta stay safe, kenma-kun" she mused "you never know who and when they'll strike next" 

kenma sighed and nodded along. it was old news -- the port mafia, that is -- its been stirring up the whole city for the past few months. 

"ne, kenma-kun" she called out "if we do end up dying alongside each other, i suggest we drown ourselves in this river." she said 

she stared down at the flowing water, the golden colour of the setting sun reflecting off of it. "its clear and pretty, not much people are around.. its quite tranquil." she hummed

"i never really understood this.." kenma muttered "but why are you so intent on dying?" 

"and i never understood you, and so many others." she replied "tell me, kenma.." she turned to face him, her bandaged hands loosely gripping the railings, as her legs and feet dangle off the ledge. 

"do you really think there's any value in the act of living?" 

kenma didn't answer. instead he stared at her, and her clouded eyes, each orb holding an unforgivable amount of sin and deciet that he could only imagine. 

"well.. is there any value in the act of dying?" he asked back 

she blinked dumbfoundedly at him, fairly shocked at his question. 

"isn't there anything else you desire? life is kinda cool too yaknow?" kenma said in a sheepish tone 

she stared at him a few minutes longer before averting her gaze. she chuckled and closed her eyes as the cold wind breezed past. "man fears death, and at the same time, man is drawn to death" she said 

"its a singular event in one's life that no one may reverse" she hummed "and that is my greatest desire." 

kenma didn't know how to reply to that, so he didn't. he simply looked down up at the setting sun, letting silence wash upon them both. 

"hey kenma" she called out. kenma looked at her, curious and wary. "yes?" he asked 

"wanna hang with an old friend with me?" she suggested with a soft smile

"me? won't that be intrusive though? i don't really know them.." kenma muttered nervously

"it's fine. he'd probably be happy i even talk to people my age" she said with a chuckle. she jumped off the railings and landed on the ground with a grin. she stretched her aching arms over her head and patted kenma's back. 

"he's a lot like you" she mused "always saying life is worth living and all.." 

"okay then.." kenma agreed reluctantly "but if i sense that person doesn't like me one bit, im leaving." he groaned out

"im pretty sure that won't happen" she chuckled sheepishly 

"why are we in a cementary?" kenma grumbled 

"is this where you kill us both?" he scoffed playfully "i wouldn't be surprised if you already have a hole dug for us" 

she chuckled and shook her head "no, no" she mused "were just taking a small stroll" she cooed as she looked around the awfully empty surrounding  "ah! there it is" she perked up "it's been so long since i went here that i almost forgot my way around" 

kenma followed her as she skipped away, though he was quite confused, he didn't question her. 

"hurry, kenma" she called out as she watched him struggle to walk faster "i hate you" he grumbled back, which she chose to ignore 

she smiled softly as she stood infront of the oh-so-familiar grave. 

"geez." she mumbled "its been so long since we hung out, odasaku" 

"shame we couldn't meet at the usual place" she chuckled and sat down on the grassy ground. she leaned back on the gravestone, resting her back against it as she waited for kenma to arrive 

"y/n?" on cue, kenma chimed in. he was panting slightly, most likely from running and walking around for so long "what are you doing?" kenma raised a brow at her 

"kozume kenma-kun.." she called out

"yes?" he asnwered

"do you know whose grave this is?" she mused, pointing her thumb to the gravestone she was leaning on 

kenma eyed the name engraved on the stone and shook his head. "no..but it's someone dear to you, right?" 

"what makes you think that?" she hummed out in amusement 

"i've never seen you pay visit to a grave before" kenma muttered. the pudding head hesitantly sat down infront of her, bowing at the grave before settling down on the ground. 

"does it look like im visiting a grave to you?" she asked with curiosity 

"it does.. why?"

she smiled softly and leaned her head back, letting it fall and her eyes to land straight at the cloudy sky "well, i thought of it as hanging out with a friend but.." she trailed off 

"i guess that works too" she sighed out 

kenma frowned as he watched her close her eyes. her smile faltering as a wave of comforting silence washed upon them. "im sorry" kenma muttered "i shouldn't have said anything.." 

"its fine." she chuckled "its been years since he died." she smiled bitterly "i guess it's time someone snaps me out of my daydreams" 

kenma didn't respond. he simply toyed with the grass on the ground and the few flowers littered around. 

"yaknow, kenma" she said with a smile "you're the first person i brought here" 

"me? why?" kenma asked in surprise and confusion 

"because this friend of mine was a good man." she said "he told me to try and look for my reason to live."

"and i think i found it" she whispered as he looked into his eyes 

kenma blinked in shock as he basked in her awfully heartwarming words. 

"my reason to live is to die with you." 

"of course. its gonna be about suicide again." kenma sighed dejectedly.  "but y/n, if you think of me as your reason to live.. then i'll take it upon myself to keep you alive" kenma smiled at her, tucking his blond hair behind his ears as he kept his honey hued orbs trained on hers. 

"kenma.." she teared up 

she blinked repeatedly as she opened her mouth to speak. 

"i.. I DON'T WANT THAT! I WANNA DIE WITH YOU!" she whined loudly "i already had our suicide planned! i even suggested the whole river thing a while ago!" she exclaimed 

kenma deadpanned as he watched her ramble on and on about her ideal double suicide. "i really don't care." kenma groaned out "i don't want you to die." he whined "why do you keep trying to kill yourself" 

"just because, okay?!" 

"just for that, im gonna call your agency and hand you over" kenma sighed as he dialled the agency's number 

"traitor!" she shrieked "kunikida-kun will undoubtedly beat me up" kenma ignored her as he started speaking on the phone. 

"yes, she's with me.." he muttered "is she behaved?" he repeated the question as he sent her a pointed glare 

"no, not really" he scoffed 

"kenma, you're heartless!" she shrieked in horror 

"cmon. let's atleast pay respects to your friend before we leave" kenma said with a sigh "dont worry, kenma-kun! i already thought this through" she grinned. she then pulled out a bottle of sake and a book and placed it on the ground. 

"you brought him alcohol? seriously?" kenma furrowed his brows 

"hey, it's two of his favourite things, okay?" she defended with a laugh 

"do you know how ridiculous i looked while buying these things at the store?" she chuckled "they thought i was a madman or something!" 

"i would've too" kenma answered back 

"you're so mean to me, kenma" she pouted "anyways, we should go." she said as she dusted her pants and unravelled a thin layer of her torn bandages. 

"i can't wait to tell you about this suicide method i learned about." she beamed. she tugged on his arm and pulled him away as she continued to blabber on his ear "apparently this one does the job right away!" she exclaimed 

"can you believe it, kenma?" 

"wow. crazy." he replied dryly 

"yeah, and all we gotta do is shoot ourselves with these guns-" 

"no." 

"oh my, this almost feels like a welcome home party!" she cheered. she gave the detectives a close eyed smile while they simply stared back at her with a look of agitation and worry 

"where the hell were you?!" kunikida exclaimed angrily as he tapped his foot on the ground 

"the port mafia!" she answered back nonchalantly 

they all perked up in surprise from her claim. "huh?! the port mafia?!" 

"hai hai! but don't make a big deal about it!" she chuckled as she waved her hands dismissively 

"you could've died!" kunikida exclaimed  "now, now! i'd like to think of it as akutagawa-kun needing some attention that's all" she joked 

"jesus christ" kunikida sighed as he adjusted his glasses "that boy could kill you and you still won't take him seriously" 

"anyways, why is he here?" he asked as he pointed to kenma, who simply ignored him and avoided their eyes as he played on his phone 

"oh! he's the one who found me, so i thought it'd be right for me to repay him" she smiled brightly as she squeezed kenma to her chest, all while he unbotherdly continued on with his game

"i've thought of so many fun things we could do back in my dorm, hehehe~" she chuckled mischievously as kenma's face paled. she only gripped him tighter when he tried to scurry away. 

"i- i see.." kunikida stuttered out. he looked at them with wide eyes as she started squeezing him tighter while kenma tried to pry her off 

"y/n, you're strangling me!" kenma huffed out "i know!" she grinned 

"we'll leave you two alone then!" kenji said with his usual smile as he ushered the others away 

"they're worse than tanizaki-kun and naomi-san.." atsushi shuddered "that's because she's trying to kill him" tanizaki sweat dropped 

"and herself, as well" yosano sneered "go get your man!" she cheered as she sent y/n a sneaky wink 

"yosano-san! don't encourage her!"

[wenwenbittercake]

✨AIZAWA X READER✨

(Thank you so much for reading my fan fiction. There's not much fluff. A little bit of smut so you know. Also swearing. If you can't take teacher x reader plsss don't read this.)

You just started UA and the first thing you realize was you're tall handsome teacher with long wavy black hair. You seated at the corner of the class giving you a perfect view of your teacher.

" Good morning everyone my name is Shouta Aizawa you can call me mr. Aizawa. From now on I'll be your homeroom teacher so no funny business around me." he said as he gave a smirk to the class making everyone giggle but it's a smirk you will remember for the rest of your life.

You watched him carefully as he teach but your mind is not on the subject but on him. To be honest he's the most handsome guy you have ever seen in your life. His facial features and his body is perfect. Like an angel that fall from Heaven, his voice is like music to your ears. No voice in this world can calm you down like this. He always wear baggy clothes but you wonder, how much muscles are he hiding behind those clothes. Huge rule at your teacher has veiny strong hands, you wish he didn't you down with then.

The Best Is Yet To Come, when you and your class practice on the field, I saw our would roll his sleeves up to his elbow, showing his car covered on once he wore a sleeveless shirt causing you to have a nose bleed. It was embarrassing but it's worth it.

Because of this, you start to lack on his subject making aizawa move you to sit in front of his desk. This gave you a chance to admire him close. His scar Place perfectly under his right eye, and his eyes, those pitch dark eyes that you got hypnotized even though he's not using his quirk.

"RingggRingggRinggg!" The bell rang and everyone in the class run for their lives to the cafeteria, except you, he got out last so you could admire your teacher till the last minute.

"Y/N can you meet me in my office after school, we need to talk about your grace." He said with disappointment that makes you feel guilty for a moment.

You nodded and left. It's 3 p.m. and students are running towards they're busses or walking back home. Except you, you are now standing in front of mr. Aizawa's office. Your fingertips are cold. You realize that you're great start to descend but it stops at Bs or Cs. You're really nervous about this. Before you knock on the door you heard...

"Come in."

You walk in, closing the door behind you quietly, and set on the seat in front of his desk. He sign and passed you a pile of paper. These are your current test scores and they are filled with Fs. You feel like the blood from your body has been drained.

"Y/N, do you know if you keep on going like this you will fail on the finals."

"I-i know." You look down on the table not being able to look him in the eyes.

All of a sudden, he walk up to your seat, placing his right hand on the table and his left on the back of your chair. His face so dangerously close to yours. Look you straight in the eyes and said..

"So tell me, what's distracting you so much?" Does he know? No way.

"Umm-i"

"Tell me what's more interesting then my lesson?hmm?" You look away. Your face is as red as a tomato.

"Tell me!" He raised his voice a little making you jolts and panic. You can't think straight anymore. How would you reply? And then... It happened.

Your soft Rosy lips touches his. When you realize what's going on you jolted back. You look him in the eyes. He looked shocked. Out of words and look at you like WTF happened? What have you done? You just read your relationship with your teacher. What do you expect him to do, kiss you back? Tears start to fall, due to the embarrassment and sadness.

"I-i'm so sorry." You said as you run out of the office.

The next morning was awkward you can't even look him in the eyes.

"RinggRinggggRingg!"

"Y/N can we talk for a moment?" You weren't expecting that from him, after what happened. You walk towards his chair what's up your eyes fixed on the marble floor and your hands behind your back.

"So about yesterday.."

"Right, he'll be having extra classes with me, I will help you with the failing grades. " you look surprised and happy in the same time. You got to see him more.

"Really?"

" yep, is your homeroom teacher, it's my responsibility to teach you, isn't it?" He gave you a slide smirk. You blush that it an attempt to hide it.

"A-about yesterday."

"Oh don't worry about it." You look shocked. Really? He really don't mind? Of course, and his eyes you're just a naive little child, nothing much.

"However..." he said as he pull you towards him, making you fall on his chest, positioning you to sit on his lap, facing him.

"...we need to work on that kiss of yours."

"B-but this is wrong."

"I know, but it feels so good, doesn't it?" He whispered into your ears in a deep voice making you want to melt in his hands.

You've been in this little Affair for 2 years. However, you feel like time flies faster when you're beside him. You want to be with him till the end. You know this relationship won't last but you still hope it did. You gave all of you to aizawa. Every inch of your body and soul. You love him a lot. Your grades got higher even though you didn't do much work. Every day, you come to school just to meet Mr aizawa. You were loved, you are appreciated, feelings that you never felt before. He told you you were his everything, but sometimes he gave you looks as if. .. he regrets it. No way, why should he regretted it feels so good doesn't it?

Your graduation got nearer and Shouta has been ignoring you for these past couple of days. You didn't get the wink when he passes you or private lessons that you crave to have. He wouldn't call you or text you anymore. Even if you sent him photos and text messages. You felt hurt a little. Maybe it's because then final exams are getting close. Or maybe because he's just busy. He felt neglected. Is he bored of me? Does he not like me anymore? But he said I'm his everything. Is it because I'm not pretty enough but he said I'm perfect. The thoughts filled in your head as you walked toward his office. As you are about to knock the door, you heard. ..

"I'm coming home early today."

"Hmm, I promise I won't be late this time."

"Hahah I know I know."

"Yea love you bie." Aizawa said as he ends the call.

You feel the similar cold feeling. Is he meeting other people? Is it his wife? Wait he's married? Who is this person he's talking to? Maybe his family member? Am I not good enough did I do something wrong?

"Y/N" you snap out of your thoughts but I saw was voice. He look like he's ready to go back home.

" ..you're supposed to be home 30 minutes ago. What are you doing here?"

" I thought we were supposed to have our tutor session today?"

"Oh-um no need for that, your grades not bad these days, I don't think you need them anymore."

Is he fucking serious? Why is he playing dump now? You didn't even let anything in tutor sessions, are you both do is fuck. Tears start to fall from your eyes. You know this wouldn't last, why are you crying now?

"Y/N are you alright?" He asked does he pull you into the office. He locked the door behind him and knocks you what's going on but you wouldn't listen. You start to strip in front of him.

"W-wait, not today I gotta go somewhere."

" I thought anything can wait if it's me?" You said as he drop on your knees and start to take off his belt.

"W-wait but this is important!"

" I thought I'm the most important thing in the world?" You said as you slip his cock into your mouth.

"W-wait auhhh."

The graduation music plays outside the school. Every student is happy, taking photos with their friends and families. Not you though.

"W-what are you say?"

" it hurts to say this but we need to stop this relationship. It's not healthy anyways." You can't believe what you just heard. Said by a men who promise to never leave you behind.

"Wait did I do something wrong? I promise I can fix it, please just don't leave me." Uhealth on mr. Aizawa has arm like your life depends on it. The last thing he wants to do is to make you cry but he knows he has to end this fast. He hugs you tightly.

" no no, it's not your fault it's mine. I'm so sorry." He hugs you tightly. You cried into his shoulder. It hurts a lot.

"Just forget about everything, just pretend nothing ever happened. Could you do that for me?" How could you forget all of it and live on a normal life. These are the things you can never forget even if you try to. But you just want to make him proud, so your nodded hesitantly.

"Good girl." He said as he kiss your tears away.

"O-only if we do it one last time.. Please?" He's not expecting that from a shy girl like you. He expect him to say no but...

"How can I say no when you asked me so nicely. " he said I should look around and pull you into the nearest classroom.

It's been weeks since you've seen Aizawa. He stops replying your text and stop picking up your calls. You missed him so much. You want to see him again even though you promised not to. The tightening feeling on your chest wouldn't come off unless you see him. Your friends realize this so they call you to meet them at a mall. You've been ignoring your friends for a really long time so you decided to go with them this time. He stood in front of a cupcake shop. Waiting for your friends who are always late. You look around to find them and then you saw it, that wavy dark hair you used to play with, that pitch dark eyes you adore.

"Shouta!" Can't think straight anymore, you only know you want to touch him you miss him you need him. You hug him tightly.

"I missed you!"

"Y/N!" He didn't hug you back like he used to.

"Sho who's this?" A woman voice appeared behind him.

"Oh-um this is my student that recently graduated." He said as he looked at you like a stranger. A person he never met before.

"Oh how sweet. Hi my name is wife/name. I'm your teacher's wife."

"Umm nice to meet you."

"Um-oh I forgot. We have to go to the doctor's office soon." He said as he pulled his wife hand and walk away. Didn't even bother to say goodbye. From a distant you heard...

"Sho why u being so rude. She seems close to you."

"Oh it's nothing, she's just a student from my class, nothing special."

Nothing special? He dropped to the ground. The world around you crashes. Nothing special? Is this what he sees you all the time. All the love, all the kisses, all the sex. They are all fake. When he said you're his world, his everything, his only one. They're all lies. How stupid of you to not notice that he used you all this time? You are nothing to him. You are nothing more than a play thing for him. You're nothing more than a pet. A teacher's pet.

(Dammm this fan fiction hit hard. I'm sorry that I didn't put explicit smut. I just don't like writing them. I write this fan fiction to explain that teacher x student stuff can end in bad ways. Sorry that this is not the spicy stuff you all use to read. I hope you all can for give and thank you for read. 😓😓🙏🙏🙏💗💕💕💗✨✨✨)

(Ik this man would never do something like that😭😭)

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reactions to Truth!

Just going to go straight into it because this episode is huge! I really like how at the end of a season and the beginning of another, we see the same scene that leads us out of one and into another. Gabriel fixes the Miraculous and ohhh poor Dusuu thought it was all a dream, being in evil hands. So in a way, the Miraculous being damaged may have been a blessing for her. Dx Too bad it couldn't have been fixed after Marinette got it back :/ But at least Nooroo isn't alone right? Legit only positive I can get from this. ;-; Tikki and her little hats omg it's so cuuuute! I wonder if she makes her little clothes, too awww But the other Kwami's are almost like siblings to Tikki if you think about it. Now Tikki has to share things with them all as they cause chaos all around when she's so used to her quiet life alone with Marinette. Even for a Kwami, that must be hard to adjust to.

Okay so it's almost Prince Ali's birthday that Paris is going to celebrate. Interesting! I'd really like to see him back and a storyline with that. :O Marinette holding something, clearly, that the girls can't see over video chat. Talking to what appears to be herself, reacting to what someone's saying from different sides of her room. Camera flashes going off. And then her phone getting yeeted at her all on a video call with her friends when she's supposed to be alone...considering they're all going to have Kwami's and learn some things later as they become heroes, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if they think back to this scene someday! OH WAIT spoiler for the upcoming episode Gang of Secrets!!! Fair warning. What if this episode with the plushies she said she's going to make, is one of if not the reason they go over and are looking around her room? Because she's been acting sus and they want to know what's going on. Especially after what happens later in the episode with Luka. Okay, back to the episode itself. Her friends observation: You're acting way weirder than normal.... IS ADRIEN AT YOUR PLACE?! I mean, fair point. xD But the thing is, whenever Marinette tends to act weirder or say/do things that Alya and the girls don't understand, it's almost always connected to her being Ladybug/Guardian. Even Lila. If she wasn't Ladybug and dealt with her so much as her, she wouldn't know a lot of things that made her not trust Lila to begin with. So Marinette has to overcompensate to try to hide everything or can't explain her thoughts or feelings about certain situations, so Alya always just assumes her behavior has something to do with Adrien. It really sucks but at the same time, what else is she going to think?

These Kwami are a lot of trouble. xD Now she's even more frazzled, so she calls Luka Adrien. More than once. I've done this where I call my siblings the wrong name more of than I'd like so I can't fault her for it. Her mind's probably a mess, poor girl. Dx "I'm sorry it's just that I cheated on you!" BIG OOF. But this gives me Kim Possible vibes when Ron assumed Kim didn't want him anymore and told her he was cheating on her when he meant to say he was cheating to be on the football team so he could be more worthy of her when he thought she wanted to "trade up" her boyfriend. Our poor Marinette! So frazzled she can't remember when her dates are, when they've been rescheduled. She can't remember her patrols with Chat Noir which are really important. She's getting to the point where it's going to be a wonder she can even function. Dx "But Marinette and I are such a big fan of his" wow this sure hits different. The way they kept quizzing each other to finish the sentence with Jagged Stone trivia was pretty cute. Luka having her finish the line with "Kiss me" that she screamed to the entire theater made me choke on my cake. "Well, if that's what you want." Smooth. "I think, yes. I want to." But you know, it gets interrupted by an akuma attack of course because that's just the way things work! :D And wouldn't you know it, it's Mr. Pigeon. AGAIN. Totally worth interrupting the moment lol Ladybug can't pick and choose, however, so here comes the sequence where she's constantly running off and he starts doubting her. Notice the parallel when Marinette started to like Luka after Adrien could never show up to things? Now Marinette's having trouble showing up and Luka's having issues with it. The second Chat Noir started to sneak up on Ladybug, we all knew he was going to get flipped. But it's so adorable and funny at the same time I love it x333 And that whole scene there of Ladynoir. Obviously it's a Lukanette-centered episode but the Ladynoir in this episode! So good! And you know, it's interesting. First time we see Adrien this episode is for FIVE whole seconds! And the way it abruptly cut off as he opened the car door... yeah you know what, Lies is going to be Adrien's POV or something of this same day. It has to be. He has 2 total scenes one of them is 5 seconds and the other one is 2 seconds. Crazy. We got about 7 seconds of Adrien's face today woo! But ugh here's where we get hurt Luka ;-; "A girl, who as always, isn't here." Ouch. The fact that if Marinette said she loved Adrien still, he'd understand and he'd get it is so sweet, and so sad that it's not even because of that, it's because she's Ladybug and the Guardian and she can't say a thing about it to him at all, that he can't accept. It's the one thing he couldn't deal with that's the issue and that really sucks. AND THIS MOMENT RIGHT HERE HAD ME GASPING AND HURTING FOR LUKA. IT'S THE MOMENT HIS HEART BROKE

But also really guys, did you notice his eyes are different now? Almost like a blue diamond look or something.

Luka trying to fight it, trying to tell Hawk Moth that the truth needs to be willingly told, not forced. But stupid Hawk Moth's able to get him to hold on anyway and gets akumatized. But not before he told Marinette to run. Which was such an awwww moment. x33 I mean, this is definitely getting a bit close to Chat Blanc territory if you ask me. New transformation music is pretty good! I like it. Also can we just appreciate that instead of trying to track down Marinette to get the truth from her, he's instead asking all her friends and family, pretty much any source besides her? AND ROSE'S RESPONSE "Marinette has no secrets because she's the most honest girl in the world!" She thinks so highly of her and it's just so beautiful. Nobody would blame her for these secrets if they only knew either. But awwwwww I love this scene!! And here's the big reveal! (no not that one) Jagged Stone is Luka and Juleka's father. 😮

Thomas today tweeted that Luka and Juleka are twins. Which would have to be fairly obvious after this reveal. There's no way that Jagged, who says he'd be a lame dad and left because he wasn't cut out for it, would have Luka with Anarka, then stay long enough to also have Juleka. I also totally forgot that in the French version, Jagged has an American accent when he speaks. XDD Just the fact that even WITH his truth powers, he asked his mother TWICE who his father was. Both times she said Jagged Stone. He still didn't believe it until he went to Jagged himself omg. This poor poor boy. Luka: 😱*gasp* Marinette: 😲 *gasp* Adrien: 😮 WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY OMG. LIKE I'M WATCHING A TELENOVELA OR SOMETHING. THEY EVEN ZOOMED IN ON THEIR REACTIONS I CAN'T And then Luka just yeets his dad because he wasn't ever there for him. I honestly did not expect Luka having dad issues to ever be a thing in this show, even though I knew he wasn't around. So like... when everything's worked out with Marinette and Adrien in the end, will Luka and Adrien end up becoming friends and bonding over things, like the whole daddy issues thing...? Are we really supposed to believe she has no feelings for Chat Noir? I mean really, look at this.

"I can't imagine what your daily life must look like" ... is she really actually being the one to bring up something about his secret identity? With that face? 😲

Their flirty banter that at this point I don't even think they realize it is, and those soft looks I just... My top ship is Ladynoir and I was not expecting any significant moments of theirs but I got it anyway. Just watching their scenes, I kept going "See, this is why they're meant for each other." My heart is happy despite all the Luka pain! It's helping me cope with it, okay? "When you're ready, I'll be here for you, Marinette." Awww so they're telling us Lukanette is on hold here. Not a guarantee, but at least on hold. He's an option for her later. So now the Adrienette vs. Lukanette for S4 we heard about awhile back makes sense now. Later on this season, probably when things calm down and she gets the hang of things, she'll be in a better position to be with someone. And by then, Adrien will probably realize and understand his feelings for Marinette. So then she'll be in a position to choose between them. Now we know where Luka gets his ability to turn emotions into great songs. That's adorable! Father-son bonding! Gabriel needs to take notes when a man who was never in his son's life as more than his idol has the ability to try to be there, but Gabriel can't. Ugh our poor Marinette, probably thinking she's going to be alone for a very long time just because of a supervillain. That's so wrong she has to feel like this. If you notice, Hawk Moth's akumatizations help people patch up relationships so much of the time as a weird unexpected result of an akuma attack. And yet, he does nothing but hurt Marinette and at times Adrien, the most when he akumatizes people. He makes me so angry! But I'm too tired for a rant about that. At least the Kwami hugs at the end helped a teeny bit anyway! c:

[beetlegoose01]

stolen whispers: chapter 1

AN: this fic isn’t a request, it’s a story i’ve been preparing for a lil while and I’m so excited to share this with you all <3

I’ll link it on my Archive if you prefer to read it there. Also warning, there’s quite a few OCs.

Time: 2028 (Scorbus have been married for two years)

Summary: When a new generation of Death Eaters kidnap Scorpius, Albus and Rose put aside their differences to rescue him.

TW: Kidnapping/Language/minor violence

~~~~

Two witches wearing shadowy black robes entered the tavern, finding a table near the back. They ordered their mead, waiting for their third partner impatiently. It was a crowded area, so thankfully there was a small chance they would be overheard.

"We don't want more mead." The first woman growled, tapping her long nails at the table. The bartender, a tall man with a mustache put the drinks down.

"I didn't think so." He lips curled into a grin as he morphed into a younger man with wild dusty brown hair, wearing matching robes. He was handsome, but had an eerie presence to him. Any reasonable person would have at least flinched at the transformation, though neither witch did. "Hello ladies." He grinned cheekily.

"Soren, enough playing games." The second woman said, though she was smirking.

Soren barked out a laugh. "It was funny, Mara. And you know it."

The first woman, Lilith narrowed her eyes. She pulled down her hood, revealing cascading inky black hair down her shoulders. A scar that showed no sign of mending was down her cheek. "Your skills are impressive, but useless if you don't use them for our own gain. Don't forget that." She pulled her hood back.

"Understood." He murmured, taking a seat.

"We have much to discuss," She continued, flicking her wand idly. "Our current plan in action. Our...act of revenge. It's been thirty years since The Tenebris was wrongfully killed. I am sick and tired of his name being tossed around in history like he was some monster. He was on the right side."

"Are you certain we want to call the Dark Lord that?" Mara asked suspiciously.

"Shh! You know if anyone hears us, they'll lock us up for good. For speaking our minds." Lilith said. "It's safer we call him by his code name."

Her companions nodded.

"Because of his loss, we have mudbloods in positions of power. Our siblings that fought for his cause are locked up. Or worse, dead."

Mara and Soren looked grim.

"If we had more allies, perhaps we would have had a chance." Soren noted. "We weren't even alive then but...I have a feeling if we were..."

"Just because we weren't alive then, doesn't mean we don't have opinions over the lives stolen!" Mara argued. "That damn Harry Potter."

"Correct. And Soren is right too. For once. If we had more allies, or better yet...certain allies didn't betray us. The Malfoys for instance." She took a sip of her drink.

"Are you suggesting something?" Mara asked.

"Of course I am, don't be so daft." Lilian said, deadly calm. "I want to make that family suffer for what they did. My uncle Vincent Crabbe died for their selfishness. Draco Malfoy had a chance to save him, and he refused like the coward he is. His mother Narcissa lied to Tenebris' face. They are backstabbing filth that besmirched the Sacred 28. No, it isn't just about their betrayal or avenging those we lost in the war. Think of the big picture. They have the capabilities to join our side. To...respawn a new generation of Death Eaters. But that's not all...

"The Malfoys have lots of gold." She drawled. "Surely, they'll spare a few for us in exchange for something important. Or rather...someone."

"Someone?" Soren paused. "What are you suggesting?"

"Regretfully, Astoria Malfoy has passed on." Mara didn't sound the least bit sympathetic, instead stated it blandly. "So using her as a ransom for Draco is a no go."

"Ah, but there is still someone left." Lillian said, removing a small photograph from her cloak, she slid it across the table.

A young man with platinum hair was pictured, beaming brightly in Healer Robes.

"Scorpius Malfoy."

Soren and Mara exchanged a look of satisfaction.

"Bring him to me."

~~~~~~~~~~

The best thing about mornings, at least to Albus, was waking up beside his husband. The sun's bright rays peaked through the window of their cream colored bedroom, slowly stirring them both awake. If it was up to him, he would stay in their warm bed, arms wrapped around Scorpius until noon.

Scorpius rolled over, so that they were facing each other. His eyes fluttered open, and Albus felt his heart melt at his sapphire eyes.

"Hi." He yawned. His voice was slightly croaky, no doubt from the morning.

Albus replied by nuzzling his nose, then kissed his cheek. "Hi honey."

Scorpius laughed lightly. "Let's get up then. Start the day? It's a Saturday. We have the whole weekend to spend together."

"I'd rather spend it here with you."

Bathilda mewed from the kitchen.

"But our child is hungry." Scorpius teased, stretching as he slid out of bed. Albus begrudgingly slumped after him, not eager to wake up before ten am. But his own stomach was growling too.

"Speaking of children," Albus said, starting to work on their breakfast as Scorpius poured Bathilda's food. "Iris is pregnant again. James told me through a Howler yesterday."

"Really?" Scorpius' eyes widened. "That's great news!"

"Yeah, not for my ears." He commented dryly, still traumatized by James' excited screeching in his ear. "Baby number three." He whistled. "Do you think they're trying to make an entire quidditch team? With Teddy and Vic's lot included, they're on their way."

Though he was joking, Scorpius noticed that Albus was glowing, happy for his brother and sister in law. That was one of the many reasons he loved Albus. His love for his siblings.

"Perhaps. When are they due?"

"September. Which means...that's where they scurried off to last Christmas party." Albus quipped. "To have a little fun."

"Albus!" Scorpius scolded. "Honestly, only you would make a beautiful moment gross."

"It's life, Scorp!" He chuckled. "You're a Healer, you should know these things."

"We'll have to visit. Maybe bring a gift basket to congratulate them." He mused, smiling fondly. "I can't wait to meet our new niece or nephew." There was a wistful look in his eye that Albus caught.

"You've got that look on your face." He noted, amused. He served the plates of bacon sandwiches on the table.

"What do you mean?"

"That Scorpius 'I want something but I'm not going to spell it out for you' face."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh." Albus said, forest green eyes brightening in amusement. "What's up?" He took a seat, tucking into breakfast.

"Well," Scorpius started, staring at his food. "I was thinking..." He stopped himself, hesitant to continue his train of thoughts.

"Yeah?" Albus nudged him gently.

"I want a child." He said, his voice quiet, but firm. "I love my nieces and nephews so much, but they aren't...ours. I want to start a family with you, Albus. Raise a little one of our own to be bright and wonderful and brave and..."

Albus' expression softened. "I do too. You know I do, Scorpius. It's just...difficult right now." He stared at his wedding band. "You know it's harder for us than any hetero couple." He waved his hand vaguely. "Adoption is hard, surrogacy is expensive. Maybe once we settled into our careers more, we can talk about it."

"I think we're ready to go beyond just talking about it, Al."

"We're still young. We've still got time. But...I definitely want to work it out. Somehow, we will. We always do."

Scorpius beamed, reaching to kiss Albus' knuckle. "Thank you." He sat up abruptly. "Oh, I almost forgot- it's the farmer's market today."

Albus snorted. "You're exactly like your dad, you know?"

"Yes yes yes, but we should go!" Scorpius said, levitating the plates to the sink and it automatically was clean due to the floating sponges.

"We? I've got some work to do. I'm not very fond of small talk with old people selling fruit."

"Al, it's really good fruit." Scorpius said seriously. "And it's not all old people. I've seen some of our old schoolmates there."

Albus cringed. "That's even worse."

"Don't be so dramatic. Are you still coming?"

"Mm, but I should really finish this article. Go on without me."

"If you're sure...do you want me to bring anything back?"

Albus thought for a moment. "Those strawberries Ms. Beaker sells. Please? Strawberries and cream sounds so good right now."

"Brilliant, I'm on it." Scorpius did a mock salute.

"Have fun." Al waved as Scorpius appatered, leaving the kitchen empty. Albus went straight to work on his article.

~•~

The market was lively and merry, despite the early hour. Scorpius had stopped by the strawberry stand first, in case he forgot.

Ever since they had moved two years ago, Scorpius had found himself drawn to the quaint farmer's market. Not because of the delicious, fresh food, but to socialize. He made quite a few friends with the muggles who lived around there...mostly old ladies. The early days of their marriage, Albus would join him. Before life got in the way, and work had to be done.

Not that he wasn't busy himself. He only had two days off as a Healer, sometimes less. He didn't know how they would manage childcare, but like Al had said, it was best not to dwell on the future.

"Scorpius? Is that you?"

He turned around, following the voice from behind him. "Polly ...Chapman?" He uttered blandly, praying he wasn't mistaken. He didn't have the best memory- even with old schoolmates who bullied him.

"Yep." Polly said, laughing lightly. "It's me. Been a while."

"It has." Scorpius shifted his weight. "How are things?"

"Great!" She smiled, swishing her blonde ponytail, the same air of confidence from when she was a teenager. "Yann and I are engaged."

"Oh! That's wonderful." Scorpius said, pretending to sound pleased. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you. I proposed to them last month. It was just as I had dreamed."

"How is...Yann?" Scorpius did not actually care how Yann was.

"They're good! Brilliant actually, since they passed Auror training." Polly looked genuinely proud of them, which he had to admit was adorable. "Are you and Albus still..."

"Yes, yes. We um, er- we've been married almost two years actually." He added.

"Aw, that's very sweet. You two were always very close, yeah?" Polly looked at him, and Scorpius nearly walked backwards, intimidated by her stance. She still was extremely scary, like a lioness but with a great sense of fashion. "I know...Yann, Karl and I weren't the best to you two but perhaps we could..." She trailed off. "I'd like you both to come. To the wedding. If you'd like."

That...wasn't what he was expecting. He half expected her to invite him to another Blood Ball.

"Pardon?" Scorpius asked, dumbfounded. "I mean- yeah, that sounds great! Fun! Yes. That sounds nice. I'll bring it up to Al."

Polly was glowing. "Brill! I've got to go, but we should all hang out sometime. Like old times."

Like old times? Scorpius thought. When did they ever hang out?

Nodding mutely, he walked away from Polly with a puzzled, but cheerful expression. He hadn't completely fucked up the conversation, which was always a plus. It still felt odd that Polly Chapman of all people was talking to him, let alone inviting him to her wedding. It was bizarre.

He passed the final vendor, and was surprised and amused to see a tiny girl, no more than seven standing behind it. She had a Brownie uniform on, bright rosy cheeks and pigtails included.

"Would you like a biscuit?" She squealed.

It had taken him a moment to respond, he was still thinking of Polly being kind to him "Oh erm- of course." It was impossible to say no to an adorable small child. He reached for some muggle money, handing her the pound notes. "Just the one box please."

"Okie dokie!" She said, handing him the box. She waited a moment, pouting. "Go on, try it." She urged.

"I really shouldn't I-"

"Please?" The little girl gave him the most pitiful expression. "It's for a good cause, mister. We're helping orphaned puppies find homes."

"Well, alright. For the puppies." He fumbled open the box, taking a polite bite out of the cookie. It was a classic lemon cookie with powdered sugar, one of his favorites. But the second he swallowed, he felt dizzy all of a sudden. "What..." He stumbled back. "Oh my," He gulped, the entire market swirling around him. Something wasn’t right. "is there something in..." 

He would be damned if he let this happen without some sort of fight. Throwing his basket aside, he collapsed, slipping into unconsciousness.

"We've got him."

[ofieugogyshz]

Fic;; This Will Get Better, ch.2 -

Okay, so! Apparently this was mostly done all along, and I just forgot. It’s short, half the length of the first chapter, but I think some of the content offsets that? Anyways, I love Ms. Honey. Some of her lines are lifted straight from the text, but most of it is me freeballin’ it because she’s a really fun character to write! :D

Chapter content warnings: general self-insert/ship warning, no other warnings. (let me know if I need to tag something!) 

Word count: 1800

Chapter Summary: How do you even get to the dojo after getting distracted by all the cute Pokemon that wanna play with you? Obviously with a phone call and Togekiss!

(Fic Masterpost)

----------------------------------------

My phone suddenly began to ring. I pulled it out, looking at the screen. I didn't recognize the number, but I answered anyways.

“Hello?”

“Oh, thank goodness! Where are you two? It seems there was a miscommunication somewhere, and I wasn't aware that you two would be arriving today. I do apologize for it, but I'm out here right now, looking for you two. Are you still by the station?”

I cast confused looks at my husband, even though he couldn't hear the other side of the conversation. He gave me a look of concern in turn. I looked around quickly, trying to see if there was anyone nearby, but we were just as alone as when we stepped out from the station.

“I'm sorry, but who is this?”

“Oh! I'm so sorry, I forgot to say who this is! It's Honey. I think I spoke with you and your husband when we issued an invite to your League about your current trip here?” I nodded, forgetting for a second that we weren't on a videophone, and quickly made a 'mhmm' of agreement. She spoke with such an genuinely apologetic and rushed tone, I started to feel bad for not having the foresight to save her number into my phone. “Right. So, could you please let me know where you guys are at? I have my Togekiss scanning the skies for you two!”

“Uhh...” I looked around, at the coast, the rocks, the trees, and my two new Pokemon that were following behind us. “We're by a large boulder? There's a fruit tree nearby, and a lot of Jigglypuff and Buneary.” I didn't know if they had a specific habitat that could narrow down Honey's search for us, or if they were everywhere on the island, but it didn't hurt to include that tidbit.

“Okay. Can you see a bridge?”

“Uhh...” I kept walking around the giant rock, and under the berry tree that my Pokemon had previously been at before the Jigglypuff and Buneary agreed to join my team. In the distance, I could faintly make out what could have been a bridge. “I think so?”

“Great! I'll send Togekiss along to guide you two. Togekiss, could you be a dear--” Her voice trailed off as she, I presume, moved her phone away. Her voice was quickly audible once again. “Okay, keep an eye out for her, and I'll see you soon!” Without any hesitation, the line went dead, and I stared at the Call Ended screen on my phone.

“Who was that?”

My husband took a step closer to me, wondering if it was something that we needed to be concerned about. I shook my head, putting my phone away after a moment.

“She said her name was Honey. I think she's one of the people who reached out to the League and asked us to come. She said she's sending her Togekiss to find and lead us.”

We both looked up, scanning the skies for any sign of it. My Pokemon followed suit. A couple of Wingull and Pelipper flew overhead, their cries filling the silence as we waited. Eventually, one of us spotted the large, egg-shaped Pokemon sailing overhead; it cried out when it spotted us. It came down to our level, gently nudging both my husband and I when it did.

“Nice to meet you, too,” my husband said, patting the Fairy-type on the head. “Would you mind leading the way?” he gently asked it. Togekiss gave him a playful bump in agreement. It floated in front of us at ground level.

As we followed it, I looked around the Isle some more. There were a lot more of the Buneary and Jigglypuff wandering around; several Jigglypuff were having a race, floating from one tree to the next, while the Buneary and other Pokemon watched. At one point, I noticed a Chansey, but it quickly ran off once it had spotted us. A few Klefki floated at the edge of the grass to watch us pass by, their expressions inscrutable. (I knew I was right in recognizing that cry earlier!) It wasn't long before the Master Dojo came into sight, and before it the bridge that Honey mentioned.

On the other side of it, I could just barely make out the figure of someone in a green top and white pants, with brown hair. They were accompanied by someone else in yellow clothing. As the two of us got closer, the person in yellow (a uniform, it looked like), turned and went inside the Dojo, and the first person (a woman, it seemed), turned in our direction. Togekiss seemed to fly faster, leading us across the bridge in haste, no doubt excited to see its Trainer once more.

“Ah, there you are Togey!” The woman greeted her Togekiss as it flew in quick, practically headbutting her in full force as it excitedly returned to her. “Yes, yes, you did an excellent job! Extra poketreats for you tonight.” She gently pushed her Pokemon down, who was nuzzling her so much that it was a wonder her makeup hadn't smudged. She looked us up and down when she could finally see us without her Pokemon in the way.

“Now then...” she looked at my husband first, noting the rather casual look compared to what she must have seen him wear in all the League promotional photos. “You must be Lance.” And then she turned to me, and I unintentionally flinched, not expecting the surprisingly sharp, scrutinizing gaze she had. “And Sarah. A wonderful pair of Champions to grace our Dojo, no doubt! How was your trip here? I hope you weren't put off too much by the lack of a guide. I could have sworn I told one of the newer recruits to meet the two of you at the station, but apparently they thought it was tomorrow, not today.” She sighed, placing one hand on her cheek. “I'm so sorry about the confusion. I should have done it myself, since I invited the two of you, but I was busy preparing everything for your arrival. Oh! I should introduce myself properly.”

She held out a hand as she began. “My name's Honey. I help keep this place running. You can consider me the lady of the house-- Not that the Master Dojo is just any old house!” Honey said with a grin. “And you've met my Togekiss here.” As though waiting for its introduction, it gave a soft trill, bowing its head in our direction.

“It's nice to meet you,” my husband said, offering his hand for a handshake, “Miss...?”

“Oh, no need to be so formal,” she said, before taking his hand. “Honey is fine.” She let go and turned to me. I offered a hand to her as well.

“What a good handshake you've got!” she said, surprised at first over my grip. But she met my grip with one that secured my own. It was unexpected, but I felt a little better about it. Like I could trust her.

“And same to you,” I said.

“I used to be a CEO of trading firm, I'll have you know,” she told me with a wink. “It wouldn't do me any good to not have a great handshake. But-- oh dear, but look at me!” she said suddenly. “Here I am making you stand around outside after you've come all this way! Come in, come in! Don't mind the faint stench of sweat!”

I nodded. My husband and I followed her; my thoughts catching up to me as I watched the back of my husband's cape flutter.

I wasn't quite sure what to expect during our time on the Isle of Armor. Originally, we had made plans to come here sometime after hearing that Leon, the Galar Champion, had been trained by the Master of the Dojo here on the Isle. But then, as though by fate, we received an invitation to come stay at the Master Dojo for a month; to train under the very same person that had trained the Champion that had defeated my husband in an exhibition match. Apparently, after seeing the match, Honey had reached out to the Indigo League representatives, convincing them of what great PR it would be for each of them if they had the standing Champion visit their little dojo. And Lance had shown interest in the opportunity to battle Mustard.

I overheard him one day talking to one of the Hoenn Champions before, about having a double battle against Mustard and Leon. I remember teasing him afterwards about how he thought of pairing with Steven over me, even though I had all but announced an official retirement from competitive battling. I knew that, if my husband wanted to have a serious match against two long-standing Champions of Galar history, it should be with someone who was still actively training. Not me. Even though I was his wife, and we had had a ton of double battles together, I didn't fault him for it. I hadn't taken on a serious challenge since I visited Kalos almost seven years ago. And that journey had been so lackluster for me, that it felt like League Challenges were losing their spark. I almost skipped out on their League Cup as a result.

At my feet, as though sensing my thoughts, Buneary and Jigglypuff both put a hand (or paw) against my leg, eliciting concerned noises.

“Ah, sorry. I'll be okay guys. I'm just a little tired,” I said, trying to assuage their concern. Pika knew me better; if she could have given me the same subtle frown of disbelief that a human could, I have no doubts that she would have. Instead, she simply twitched her tail, tapping me on the back with it as though in consolation.

I let out a sigh. My eyes slowly drifted up to the sky, taking in the new view that would now greet me for the next month. The sun was setting; beautiful hues were tinting the hills around the dojo gold. I wasn't looking at anything in particular when my eye caught movement. I looked up at the sign on the roof of the dojo, where a teddy bear-like head greeted all visitors. I watched for a bit, unable to see anything else.

“Sarah?” I heard my husband's voice from further up, on the steps of the building. “Is everything okay?”

“Mm? Yeah, it is. I just thought I saw something moving up there, but it isn't there anymore.”

Lance looked between me and Honey. She had a thoughtful expression, but otherwise it was unreadable as to what it meant.

“Let's get you inside and something to eat. I bet you two could use a good home-cooked meal.”

“Actually, the last time we had one was a few days ago, when Lance cooked--” I began, before looking at Miss Honey. “But I'm sure we haven't had cooking like yours!” I quickly added, covering up my tracks before they led me to trouble.

[deepiphany]

“When I close my eyes, it's you there in my mind”

“Why do I pull you close and then ask you for space?”

✿8 LETTERS✿

Jennifer pushed her back to prevent them to fall in her face. Today was a long day. She had to stay back in Uni to complete an assignment as she had completely forgot about and if she hadn't turned it in today itself, she couldn't have been able to pass the semester. As she had turned in the due assignment and looked at her watch, she had thought, 'I'm... Doomed!!! RUN!'. She was late for her work.

She had to work extra hours than what her shift was to compensate for being late. On normal days, her work place manager would have let her off the hook since she was always quite punctual but since she worked in a food place and since it was weekend, there was too much crowd and they often needed more employees than usual to handle everything smoothly.

She smiled sadly as she realised that there won't be anyone worrying about her going home late since she lived alone. She didn't have a boyfriend who would occasionally check on her either. All her friends were just as busy as she was so she didn't expect anything from them.

On her way out of the 'Staff Only' room which she had been in for the past ten minutes for a quick rest, she collided with someone near the exit.

"Oh I'm sorry." She apologized quickly. "I wasn't looking—" she looked up at the person standing in front of her and paused. "Oh, Cameron!"

She knew Cameron since the day she had joined here. He was pretty easy to get along with as he was very charming, friendly and out going. They worked together for a few months and then their shifts never overlapped again after her Uni started. She had started missing him a lot, unaware of the fact that she might've developed a little spot in her heart for him.

"It's alright." He smiled at her. "I need to go though, kinda in a hurry. Let's catch up with each other later!" He said as he began walking in the direction of the Kitchen.

"Works with me." Jennifer yelled loud enough for him to hear as he had already stepped inside the kitchen by then.

'Alright. You can pull through! Only a few minutes left until I'm free!' She thought to herself as she looked at the clock.

She worked diligently no matter how hard it was on her until the last minute of her shift. She wondered how all these people went out like this on such a cold night. It was the start of winter and everyone were wearing coats or sweaters and gloves to warm themselves up. Sadly for Jennifer they didn't have a warm uniform so she occasionally had shivers run down her spine everytime the door opened and the cold wind blew right by her side.

She smiled merrily when the clock ticked to terminate her working hours for that day and quickly removed her apron as she made her way towards the changing room.

She changed quickly in her regular clothes and put on some warm clothes over then. As soon as she got out as she started looking for Cameron. She would be lying if she said she wasn't excited to spend some time with him after all these months.

She searched for him everywhere but to no vail. He couldn't be found anywhere. She pouted sadly as she thought he might've been too tired and had forgot about her. He might've just went straight home.

She sighed as she left her working building and started walking towards her appartment on the sidewalk. It was pretty late so there was no one to be seen on the road. Buses had stopped running so she had no choice but to just walk.

A long time had passed until she sensed someone's presence behind her. She heard someone's footstep's walking in the same pace as she was.

At first she thought that it might be someone innocent. But she got a little taste of fear when that person seemed to take the exact same turns as her at intersections.

'It's okay. They might be living in the same area as mine.' She consoled herself.

She licked her lips nervously when the footsteps started to speed and could be heard closer and closer to her.

'No! This isn't it!' She started running for her dear life.

"Whoever you are! Just back off! I have a weapon on me!" She tried to threaten them with wavering voice.

"Jennifer!" They called out her name making her halt in tracks. "It's me— ouch!"

They hadn't expected her to stop all of a sudden and bumped their nose on the back of her head.

"Cameron!" She whipped around with anger evident in her voice. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"I was worried about you, okay?" He said as he rubbed his nose with his hands to lower the pain that he felt. "No need to raise your voice at me like this. It's just that it's quite late so I wanted to accompany you."

Her anger quickly dissipated upon listening to his words. "Oh Cameron..." She said with a small smile on her lips.

"Also, I've been wanting to say something..." He trailed off as both of them began walking together.

"Shoot." Jennifer said as her veins filled with thrill. She knew where this was going. Finally she was going to see the day she had been waiting for!

"You know me the best, you know my worst, seen me hurt, but you don't judge, that, right there, is the scariest feeling..."

"W-what are you talking about?" She said, completely taken aback. 'I don't know anything about you except for the small time we spent together working!' she thought to herself.

"Opening and closing up again I've been hurt so I don't trust. Now here we are, staring at the ceiling." He continued to say.

"We're on a road... Staring at a lamp post..." She said as she made a weird face. What the hell was going through Cameron's mind?

"Isn't it amazing?" He said as he took her hands in his, making her blush a little. She was thankful that it was winter so she already had redness on her cheeks making it hard to notice her blushing.

"How almost every line on our hands align, when your hand's in mine—"

"We're literally wearing gloves right now, idiot!" She frowned at him.

"It's like I'm whole again. Isn't that a sign? I should speak my mind?" He asked her.

She pulled her hand out of his grip with force. "What the hell are you talking about, Cameron? If you're here to play decipher the cryptogram then I'm sorry I don't have time for your BS. Leave me alone if this is what you wanted to do!" She began walking away from him.

"All it is...is... eight letters..." He stammered. "So why is it so hard to say?"

She halted in her steps and gulped in anticipation. Was he going to say the exact same thing that she had imagined?

"What eight letters are you talking about?" She turned around to ask him and walked closer to him to hear him clearly.

"I— I. Uh... I don't know how to say it... I— I'm sorry..."

She smiled kindly towards him. "It's okay," she said. "I won't make fun of you. No one would know what you say to me now." She took his hands in hers.

"B... BUTTOCKS!" He finally managed to say.

"What the hell?" She pushed his hands away from her, making Cameron stumble backwards. "Are you freaking crazy? What do you expect me to say?" She felt so offended at his words. "IDIOT!" She yelled. "You don't know anything!"

"Then what do you want me to say!? What should've I said, huh!?" He yelled back at her in frustration.

"It's so freaking easy, you idiot!" She sighed in frustration.

"FARTFACE!"

___________________________

I know! I know that I raised everyone's expectations by adding some image aesthetics (that I totally didn't rip off of Pinterest) and lyrics aesthetics in the beginning but then you scroll towards the end and see "FARTFACE" and just wonder what happened here O_o

Ugh idek what happened here it's all because I couldn't get this out of my head when writing this—

[my screenrecorder sucks at recording good quality audio bare with me :)]

“It isn't cute nor is it funny, I've written a cursed story” — Dee; December 2020

I KNOW I WON'T GET ANY STORIES REQUESTS NOW AND IT'S OKAY I UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD NOT WANT TO ASK ME TO WRITE ANYTHING FOR THEM(ᗒᗩᗕ)