#(almost killed each other and duties and loyalties happened but still loving each other despite that oh I can’t—)

[distort-opia]

What is your ideal ghostbat dynamic?

Oh it's definitely the thrice-divorced snarky middle-aged men performing intricate rituals thing they currently got going on.

Batman 2022 Annual

Bruce Wayne, being a character with almost a century of history, has beein paired with so many individuals. There's a lot of relationships he's formed over time, but a particularly interesting type is the people-who-knew-him-before-Batman category. Harvey Dent, Thomas Eliot, Zatanna Zatara, Talia al Ghul... and now Minhkhoa Khan. Obviously, quite a lot of these characters ended up as unequivocal villains Batman has had to fight (Two-Face, Hush) while Zatanna remained a childhood-friend-and-almost-lover. Talia and Khoa are more complicated; they're definitely not heroes, not exactly on the same side as Bruce. But they aren't downright villains either. The waters are more muddled. In Talia's case there's the conflict between her loyalty and love for her father, duty and legacy; this opposition to Bruce's own goals was there from the start. But (to finally get to my point with this tangent) there was no such thing with Khoa, and that's basically my main draw to the ship. Bruce has other people that know him as just Bruce and not Batman, or as the in-between (all unique and complex relationships in their own right), but I can only think of Khoa as someone who was present for Batman being forged. While Talia was there when Bruce was training, she didn't share the same goal of combating crime, but Khoa did. For someone so desperately lonely as Bruce is, having someone to share that road with meant so much. Not only that, Khoa contributed to the formation of Batman by engaging him in the wild competitive streak they share, by pushing Bruce to rise to his level.

Hence... the unique kind of familiarity they have even decades later, despite the numerous betrayals along the way. That's an ideal component to me-- Bruce feeling like he can easily be himself. It's a rarity to him, since he plays so many different roles to many different people. And after Alfred's death, someone so important who knew him utterly and supported him from the start, he clearly missed it. It didn't really matter that Khoa killed dozens of people when he showed up in Gotham and literally declared he'll traumatize Bruce by killing a kid in front of him (which he probably would have done, if Harley hadn't managed to be as persuasive as she was). After Selina leaving him, Dick getting shot, his own father and Bane taking his city away, Alfred dying, losing his fortune and Joker War happening... myeah, I really feel like Khoa showed up at the perfect moment.

Which leads me to another component of their dynamic that I favor, and that's both of them being manipulative assholes and equals capable of kicking each other's asses. Why did Khoa show up with all of his resources after Joker War specifically? Why did Bruce ask him to stay so readily, forgoing the things Khoa had done? Hah. Khoa's undoubtedly been obsessed with Bruce, if keeping tabs on him and seeking out Jonathan Crane to learn fear and hell, even getting a sidekick to mirror Batman having a Robin is any indication. He gets to be close to Bruce and potentially ingratiate himself to him while fully knowing Bruce is using him, and Bruce knows it too-- but he's still allowing himself to depend on Khoa's resources and on him becoming part of Batman Incorporated and the more extended Bat-team. Khoa's always been manipulative; wonder if Bruce ever found out that in The Knight #4, Khoa was the one to tell those assassins Bruce's location, thus orchestrating a situation in which Bruce would finally accept to take him with him. But then, while they were training with Avery, Bruce was manipulative back, and you can literally see Khoa falling in love over it in The Knight #5, after Bruce distracts him with flirting and then steals the book.

At the end of the day, Khoa is a psychopath; perhaps not the sadistic kind, but he still operates as one, and Bruce can not only handle it, but he can handle it well. He's proven himself to be an equal, someone who challenges Khoa to improve and become better. Thing is, psychopaths overlap with narcissists a lot due to a basic reason. For neurotypical individuals, empathy acts as a way to see conspecifics as others, but like-minded others. You see other people think and emote like you, and you register them as human beings just like you. 'I feel what you feel, therefore we are the same.' But psychopaths work differently, in the sense that they often have excellent cognitive empathy, but a dulled affective one. They can tell how people think, but emotionally these things don't resonate with them-- the consequence being that they don't easily register others as equals, like-minded others. It's easy to then see yourself as the most valuable individual ever, as the center of the world, because you haven't truly ever shared that world. Which is why, when a psychopath meets someone they can relate to... they don't just relate, they become obsessed. Much like Khoa has. If all your life you felt you're separate from everyone else, having this kind of connection is life-changing, and you'll do whatever you need to preserve it. Including manipulative and murderous acts. But that's fine, because Bruce is attracted to this kind of thing. He himself has thought at some point about a woman (Jezebel Jet) that he should've known she was villainous and would betray him, because he had been attracted to her. I could get into Bruce's dating history and what it says about his preferences, but 'nuff said.

...Anyway, this got away from me, Anon :)) You probably didn't expect a whole-ass essay, but I hope you enjoyed reading through my personal take on them. I really like Khoa's character, since it's not often you get a morally-grey and complex psychopath like him, in comics. But to summarize my answer, my ideal Ghostbat dynamic is definitely one based on them being equals who know each other on a fundamental level, capable of handling both the good parts and the bad parts of the other; the one that solidified after decades of a push-and-pull between their core principles and ideals.

[caelestis-composition]

killshot anon! YEAH i totally agree w/ your view on kaeya. it's so weird to me that people will blame him for his role in a situation he was forced into as a child through no choice of his own. that itself had to be traumatic, not to mention everything that happened later. i hate when people say he's untrustworthy - like yeah, he's lied, so has everyone? it's clear he does it mostly to protect himself. not to mention that (& sadism) can be symptoms of trauma. kaeya deserves nothing but happiness

take a seat folks it’s time for a “brynn should’ve been an english major” lesson! today we’re gonna learn some literary theory; specifically, we’re gonna apply psychoanalytical trauma theory to kaeya’s backstory and current character. killshot anon i bet you never thought this would result in a whole ass essay.

disclaimer one! you are allowed to dislike kaeya! i am not saying you need to like him or his character, you’re entitled to your opinion and i’m not here to change your mind.

disclaimer two! i am in no way an expert and this is all for fun! this is just my silly little analysis of one of my favorite characters as someone who’s studied literary theory and rhetoric and can also apply personal experience. seriously analysis is like a hobby to me and this is just an excuse for me to ramble about kaeya.

disclaimer three! this contains lots of spoilers! basically for everything we know in-game, general knowledge as well as stuff from his voicelines and character story. don’t read this if you don’t want spoilers.

since this is going to be filled with spoilers and is about to get really long, everything will be under a cut. for those who wanna read my dumb super informal essay: enjoy!

final note: yeah this is over 2000 words long can you tell i like analysis

⭒

let’s start by getting a quick rundown of trauma theory out of the way. to begin, what is “trauma?” in this case, trauma is going to refer to an experience that greatly affects and changes one’s life; attitudes, memories, behaviors, mental state, etc. while not all changes may be bad, per se, the overall effect of trauma is generally a negative one, which is why it’s so significant. literary trauma theory, then, explores these changes and the impact of trauma in literature. it analyzes the psychological and social effects of trauma, explaining what those effects are and why they happen. in the context of a specific character, trauma theory breaks down said character’s behaviors, feelings, and general mentality in relation to their past experiences; trauma theory hopes to explain to others the reasons for why a character may act or feel the way they do, all based upon the character’s experiences, particularly traumatic ones. our character today is the lovely kaeya alberich, with the “literature” being genshin impact. i’ll be referencing kaeya’s wiki page to ensure i get all details correct for his character story and voicelines.

it would be good to review kaeya’s backstory before delving into the actual analysis. though we don’t know much about his life before living in mondstadt, we’re told he was sent as an agent of khaenri’ah. and by “sent,” i mean his biological father abandoned him in a completely unfamiliar land to serve khaenri’ah’s interests and fullfil his mission—what this entirely entails hasn’t been revealed. mondstadt, however, welcomed kaeya “with open arms when they found him.” crepus ragnvindr took him in as his adopted son, with diluc as his adopted brother. kaeya and diluc were “almost like twins,” so close they “[knew] each other’s thoughts and intentions without a word.” he’d began a new life in mondstadt, one surrounded by friends and family that loved him; one that was completely shattered by crepus’s death. kaeya arrived at the scene of the disaster, and was led to believe diluc was the one who killed their father to “set his father free” from the effects of his delusion. there’d always been one big question in kaeya’s life: if it came down to it, who would he support? the nation that abandoned him, but he still felt loyal to, or the nation and family that took him in and really loved him? overrun with guilt, kaeya confessed his purpose to diluc, sparking a fight between the two brothers. in this fight, kaeya receives his cryo vision. though both brothers stepped away alive, they’ve never been able to make peace with one another. now, kaeya is the eccentric and charming cavalry captain of the knights of favonius; a man who gets his way by using any means necessary, regardless of whether or not it seems right.

kaeya’s not evil; he’s morally ambiguous, and that stems from what appears to be a general distrust of others. his life is one shrouded in secrecy. from the moment he stepped foot into mondstadt, he was surrounded by secrets. even now, he doesn’t talk about a lot of things, namely his past, vision, and feelings. though he’s always willing to get information out of others, kaeya never reveals anything about himself. he repeatedly tells the player they can confide in him, but whenever you try and pry into his life, he deflects your questions with some sort of witty comment or flirty remark. anything he does reveal is vague, or spoken in some sort of “code.” for example, his “interesting things” voiceline. he tells us about the owl of dragonspine, how it “seems to look right through you, while letting go of none of its own secrets,” and then tacks on a “quite fascinating, don’t you think?” it seems like an awfully accurate parallel to himself; kaeya does all he can to get information from others, but never gives anything about himself. now, this whole thing—his relationship with diluc falling apart and his need for secrecy—could have probably been avoided if he had just come clean about his mission years ago. so why didn’t he? to start, kaeya was a literal child. not only are children unable to properly tell the difference between right and wrong, but they’ll also typically follow their parents’ orders blindly. kaeya had just been abandoned, and he wouldn’t want to risk being cast out by mondstadt as well if he came clean right away. you see, there’s this thing about trauma, something that trauma theory states. traumatized people feel a sort of shame or guilt regarding their traumatic experience; they’ll keep quiet because they don’t want to cause problems or bother others with their issues. of course kaeya wouldn’t tell the truth about his past, he doesn’t want to destroy the genuinely loving relationships he’d built in mondstadt. his fight with diluc only proves what he was afraid of: if he’s honest, he’ll be abandoned again. and if kaeya’s used to all the lies, why should he bother changing?

another thing, if he’s not going to tell the truth, then why would he have initially gone along with his father’s plans? again, he was a child. he really had no choice, and was forced into a very wrong and cruel situation. there’s a good explanation for this, too, which is also stated in trauma theory; traumatized people will still do their best to please their abusers. especially if said abuser is a parent, that will drive traumatized people to work even harder to please them. although his father hurt him by ruthlessly abandoning him, kaeya still sought to make him and his homeland proud. he was willing to be used as a tool for their gain; that is, until he found people who actually cared about him. he was an impressionable child, of course he’s going to obey orders. but as he gets older, he feels torn. does he serve those who abandoned him, or those that took him in? his father—and arguably, khaenri’ah as a whole—hurt him, sure, but he still feels some loyalty and connection to his former home. instead of revealing anything, he lets the situation play out. that way, he can’t be blamed when things fall apart.

the thing about claiming he’s untrustworthy is that hardly anyone in-game believes that. he’s adored by the older folks in mondstadt, and foes and allies alike find him easy to talk to. despite seeming lazy and uninterested in work, kaeya takes his job very seriously. in fact, his story states that crepus’s death was the “first and only time kaeya failed in his duty.” the “only time” is especially important, because it signifies kaeya still fulfills his duties successfully. he’s had a total of one slip-up, and hasn’t failed since. no, kaeya is not untrustworthy. rather, kaeya finds everyone else untrustworthy. it’s not unlikely that this is a direct consequence of being abandoned as a child. although it’s been established that kaeya and diluc were very close as children, when crepus dies, kaeya assumes diluc is the one that killed him. in order to jump to such an extreme conclusion against someone he was so close to, there had to be some underlying sense of distrust. furthermore, kaeya expresses feeling as though he doesn’t belong anywhere. he was abandoned by khaenri’ah, and then worried he wouldn’t be accepted by mondstadt. he is, but there’s still that worry. if you place him in your teapot as a companion, he tells you that your home feels like someplace he belongs, following it up with a “heh, who’d have thought…” kaeya still feels as though he doesn’t belong in mondstadt; despite the fact that he’s a high-ranking knight of favonius and rather popular, he still feels like an outsider. he doesn’t trust that anyone actually wants him around, and he finds joy in testing peoples’ trustworthiness. it’s noted in his story and through his voicelines that the beloved cavalry captain has a rather sadistic nature. he likes putting people into difficult situations, to see what decisions they will make. he does this to both opponents and allies, testing to see who’s going to back out and who’ll keep fighting; in the sake of allies, who can he trust? or who will turn tail and abandon their teammates at the slightest hint of danger? i mentioned it previously, but kaeya doesn’t care what measures he has to take so long as his job gets done and he gets the answers he wants. it’s a sort of self-preserving mindset, putting himself above the safety of others. kaeya’s trying to protect himself, which makes sense with all he’s been through. he doesn’t want to be hurt, and instead finds pleasure in threatening harm upon others. it’s twisted, sure, but it’s because he can only trust himself in a world that he believes is out to get him. he’s got as many enemies—if not more—as he does allies; of course kaeya focuses on protecting himself first, whether physically or through keeping his secrets, well, secret.

his most obvious traumatic effect is definitely his alcoholism. but he uses it as a distraction, not just to wallow in self-pity. this is seen again in his story, particularly in story 3. it’s found that when his favorite drink, death after noon, is out of season, mondstadt’s crime rate is decreased drastically. at face value, this just means kaeya spends more time working when death after noon is low in supply. but kaeya doesn’t skip work to go to taverns; it’s already been established he takes his job very seriously, so this means he actually patrols and tracks down threats while off work when he can’t indulge in his favorite alcoholic drink. he doesn’t get drunk simply because he’s depressed. if he did, there wouldn’t be a drop in incidents when death after noon is out of season. no, kaeya uses both the alcohol and fighting to distract himself. after all, it’s a little hard to think about feeling sad when you’re either drunk out of your mind or fighting for your life.

despite being so secretive, kaeya gives us glimpses of his true emotions from time to time. as previously mentioned, his flirty attitude is nothing more than a mask to hide how he really feels; and kaeya is terribly, terribly lonely. that may be why he seems so extroverted. constantly being around people should, logically, drive away that feeling, but it doesn’t work like that. when he talks with the player, he frequently expresses disappointment when you have to leave. each time, though, he dampens the weight of his words with playful or flirty language. he’s lonely, but doesn’t want you to know that, like he’s afraid of asking you to stay. he takes the seriousness of his feelings, and basically bends it into some sort of lighthearted joke. kaeya hides his true feelings—negative feelings, to be exact—so that he doesn’t bother anyone. which is, again, something that happens with traumatized people. he displays that hesitance to reveal his true feelings, because there’s a shame or guilt that comes with his past. he doesn’t want to bother others or hold them back, so he puts on a smile and amps up the charisma. one other very important thing—but very small detail—i would like to note is his feelings toward family. his fell apart not even once, but twice, and kaeya still holds familial relationships in high regard. we know he doesn’t exactly care how he goes about getting his work done. he doesn’t pay attention to what’s “right” or “wrong,” so long as he gets what he needs. but one of his informants, vile, notes that the cavalry captain has one exception: he won’t work with those who threaten others’ families. in fact, kaeya claims those who do should be hunted down and destroyed. even though his own families have caused him so much pain—and he ended up estranged from both—he still understands the importance of having people who love you in your life. because he didn’t get that.

kaeya’s not evil. ultimately, as a knight of favonius, his goal is to protect others, because no one was there to protect him. and because no one was there to protect him, because he’s been hurt time and time again by people who were supposed to love him, kaeya has taken to protecting himself. he hides any and all negative feelings with a charismatic, friendly façade, because he thinks it’ll drive away his persistent loneliness. any “bad” actions of his were hardly his fault; he was forced into a life of secrecy and lies, and then abandoned by the first people who truly loved him. kaeya’s a multi-faceted, tragic character, one that toes the line between good and evil, and that’s what makes him so interesting.

[yandere-sins]

What about a stern priest that falls in love with a girl who just came to visit his church because she moved into his small town? Although very religious for his whole life, he's just accepting the girl for who she is, a complete opposite (even if they have the same interest in arts, books etc) First she's friendly but then becomes distant because notices his interest in her... And he's sure that this girl is a "god's gift" to him after all these years of loyalty and they're meant to be together

Can’t deny that I am always smitten with yandere’s that need to be ‘pure’ for some reason or another. Just a big ol’ weak spot of mine :D Enjoy!

»»———————— ♡ ————————««    

They were meant for each other.

Anyone opposing that fact was spouting profanities in the face of their own god. After all, it was the power from above that sent her to his church, made her find her way to his threshold. She was a blessing in the form of a human, just like him, and he could not have asked for a better gift after all these years of devotion to nothing but their Lord’s instructions.

Alone the fact that she returned to him in time for confession was enough to prove it. For a while, the Priest had feared that she might lose her way, seemingly nowhere to be found around the church. But thanks to the urging of the people in the community, she had been pushed back on the righteous way meant for her. Right back to him.

From the moment she had arrived in the small fisher’s town, she had changed up the ways of the people, teaching them new technologies and antics she learned in the big city she had come from. He hadn’t been all too happy with it, seeing how the people started to strife away from traditions and values. With the wind of change that she brought, other, less welcome members of society joined the community. Gamblers, corrupt salesman, harlots. Now it was a bustling place, and so was his church and especially his confession booth, as the people flocked in with tales of deception and infidelity.

But it would have been a lie if he said she didn’t move him too.

He had never been anything but the town’s priest, the position promised to him when he was just two days old. Every waking moment of his life had he spent studying the holy scripts, practicing ancient rites, and helping people over their problems no matter the topic, even when he was still too young to even understand them. A prodigy priest, that’s what he had become with just 16, and now, with 24, he was an important member of the community, even though the people began turning away from him.

It wasn’t his fault that he grew stern and cold. If anyone else had been confronted with the sins of humanity from such an old age, breaking down over fearing to fall into the same misery as other people did, surely, they’d began to grow a thicker skin too. And now that he had her, he knew there was at least one other person who understood him.

At least her confessions never spoke of her trying to steal another wife’s man, or how she murdered her brother - which she had five of, all younger than her, and corrupter, he was sure! - or even just about her problem with the good old wine. She only ever spoke of how she worried about other people and their problems, and how much she dreaded not being able to help them more, feeling like she was desensitizing from them the more she heard.

Ah, she understood it so well.

The same scenario played that day. A farmer’s daughter had become pregnant from a merchant on travel, and she came here in the young lass’ stead to ask for forgiveness. Both of them knew there wasn’t more to do than that, the daughter probably ending up with a bastard’s child and shunned by her own family after all.

“What a pity it is,” the priest spoke, holding away the curtain from the booth to let the woman of his peculiar dreams out. The touch they shared as he held out his hand for her to reach for as she stumbled out of the dark, wooden box, was way too short for his taste.

“Is it, though? Isn’t it wonderful how she’ll experience motherhood?” was her quick and witty response, never having been a girl too shy to say what was on her mind. “Perhaps,” he pressed forth through gritted teeth, having nothing more to say. It should have been his duty to console even people with greater mistakes than an unplanned pregnancy, and he should have been the one to tell this woman of how everyone was supposed to keep themselves pure until marriage. But he wasn’t one to talk back to her, much rather wanting to hear more from her instead of his own voice.

“You have stopped coming to the church lately, has something happened?” he asked. Directly, blunt. Just like he was.

“Oh, Father, I...” Unusual for her, she grew timid, wringing her hands in front of her as she looked down. She always looked as if her mind was far away on a new adventure, but today, she seemed especially reluctant to share what was going on inside her. Their shared walk to the front of the church came to a halt, her back turned away from the door so she could face him, despite not being able to look at him.

He only allowed himself to gaze at her longingly for the moment she wasn’t aware of her eyes on him. She was as pretty as a jewel, as colorful and fun as the trees in fall. People gathered around her, her laugh as sweet as the singing of the birds, with eyes shining like sun rays on top of the ocean. There was nothing more he wished for as to reach out and hold her in his arms, take in her shining aura on top of his dimmed, almost vanished one.

If anything, he was the Hades to her Persephone, characters he only heard about in theatre, though they made so much more sense now. And he wanted her. Wanted her to stay here by his side, in these old, traditional stone walls. It would have been enough if she became what he always thought her to be, a friend to the people, a sister of the order he was under. To serve them and live modestly by his side until death does them part.

“I fear...” she muttered, bringing her hands to her chest. “The reason I cannot come anymore is because...”

She seemed abashed, hurting beneath her sunny exterior. A gasp escaped his mouth as the realization hit him, that in her good will and helpfulness, no one ever seemed to take care of her in return. She was always alone with her own worries and fears. The only time she allowed herself to bring them up was with him, behind the grid of the confession booth. Yes, he understood her. And he understood her reasons. They were the same as his, after all.

No one knew her better than he did.

“No more words,” he ordered strictly as he pulled her to his chest, enveloped her body in his ropes. On his face, a never known warmth spread, his heart filling with joy and adoration, as well as thankfulness for the divine dispensation. “I understand even without you saying it. And I must confess... I feel the same way. I, too, am scared of those feelings I harbor for you, and I fear how the people will react if they find out. But it’s alright, as long as we are together, just like we are meant to from above--”

“But, Sir!” she stirred, pushing away from him and tearing apart the blissful moment of intimacy they shared, leaving a bitter taste on his feelings.

“I do not fear my own feelings! But I fear yours! It’s you I fear the most, Father!”

She was quick to take a few, precautious steps away from her. Her eyebrows were furrowed in concern, hands held up defensively. Just like a deer in the eyes of a predator. But that’s not what he was, right? Yes, he was stern and strict, and sometimes too possessed by old values, but he wasn’t an animal, right? He wouldn’t even kill a fly, much less hurt a person.

Before he could say anything, she turned, her clothes captured by the wind of her motions as if they were taunting him. Taunting him to reach out, to grab her and tear on her, and not let her go. Her arms swang back and forth as she made her way out of the church hurriedly, and she almost succeeded, one hand on the large, cold door handle.

The priest’s grip made her squeak from surprise, his fingers adding a crushing weight on her wrist. She twirled around because she was forced to, not because she wanted, her free hand wrapping around his pleadingly. Just for a moment, their eyes met, and he caught his own reflection in those scared, miserable gems of hers. His expression, the bared teeth, the angry shine in his eyes, the many, many wrinkles in his face of anger, concern, and desperation.

That was the only time that he realized that what she saw wasn’t the town’s priest. To her, he didn’t seem like the person everyone else liked and encouraged her to meet. Even when he thought they were so similar, from their taste in books to their dreams for the village, she had been the only one with keen eyes, purity seeing through all evil that was harbored inside of him.

And it was just her who could see the absolute demon he was.

[gffa]

I’M GONNA HAVE TO BREAK THIS UP BECAUSE IT’S KIND OF A LOT.  So, @alabasterswriting and I were having a fantastic conversation about Anakin and how much he intellectually-versus-emotionally knows that he can leave the Jedi Order at any time, that he’s not a slave to them and it was already getting really long, so I’m going to put this in a new post because this is going to be even longer, but IT’S A SUBJECT NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART BECAUSE I HAVE MANY FEELINGS ABOUT ANAKIN SKYWALKER. For context, there are some other posts that’ll be referenced so this is only, like, the length of two monster posts instead of five.  ^_~ - The original ask about whether or not Anakin was a slave to the Jedi, which sets up how the Jedi make it extremely clear that it’s fine to leave - A follow-up ask from alabasterswriting + their very thoughtful, love response, which this post is largely a response to! Now that I’ve gotten some sleep, I think I can be more coherent on why I think there’s a lot of really good stuff to explore with Anakin’s emotional misunderstanding (versus intellectually knowing that he can leave) and why I do think it’s an important element, but not necessarily at the core of why Anakin stayed. Why does Anakin stay as a Jedi?  I think the Obi-Wan & Anakin comic covers this really well--he plans to leave, he’s not upset about it, he’s excited and has nothing but respect for the Jedi Order, he even says that he may come back.  Anakin knows that he has options, he believes that he’s capable of taking off into the wider galaxy, he acknowledges that part of the reason he may have joined was, despite Qui-Gon’s warnings, all he saw was a magic man and a way out of slavery, what was he going to do, say no? The overarching plot of the comic is:  Obi-Wan wants him to be absolutely sure of this, so he asks Anakin for one last mission together, but makes it clear that he’ll accept whatever choice Anakin makes in the end.  Obi-Wan’s point is, when they call for reinforcements at the end to deal with Carnelion IV’s civil war, they get those reinforcements, becasue they did this as Jedi.  That the Jedi are part of the Republic and thus they have the backing of the Republic.  (This is, interestingly enough, also a major theme in Master & Apprentice, that the day is saved precisely because Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were part of the Republic and had the backing of the Republic.)  Anakin realizes that he can accomplish more as a Jedi than he can setting off on his own, so he happily agrees to stay. This fits with how Anakin genuinely seems to like being a Jedi.  The problems he expresses with it, is that he wants more than what they can do, he wants to be able to tell people want to do, to make them do the right thing.  He expresses this to Padme in Attack of the Clones, he follows it up with that conversation with Tarkin during The Citadel arc, where they both feel the Jedi Code does not allow Jedi to go “far enough” to win the war. Further, he teaches on the beliefs of the Jedi.  After the brain invader worms, Anakin teaches Ahsoka about how to balance letting go of their attachments versus caring about other people and wanting to save them, how the two work together.  While she’s on Onderon and having confusing feelings for Lux, he teaches her again about how duty must come before her feelings, he seems to agree with this, because he’s not shy about subverting the Jedi teachings when he wants to.  And very clearly, he teaches the same things to Rex in the Bad Batch arc:

That’s exactly what the Jedi teach (and is ironic because this is just a few months before Revenge of the Sith and I think it’s actually a really perfect illustration of exactly what was at the heart of Anakin, that he genuinely believes in the Jedi teachings, until they apply to him and his fears eat him up and he makes himself the exception) and Anakin also seems to genuinely believe it. In Revenge of the Sith, Anakin doesn’t express any desire to not be a Jedi until after he’s helped kill Mace and the younglings and then, frankly, he’s repeating Palpatine’s words, not his own, he doesn’t really believe what he’s saying, imo.  When he talks to Padme about feeling lost, it isn’t expressed in terms of him feeling trapped, but instead that he feels he isn’t the Jedi he should be, that he wants more. Anakin never seems to feel trapped or obligated--there’s almost nothing in the movies or TV show that actually lean towards the idea that Anakin felt any pressure of being the Chosen One.  He doesn’t seem to believe it himself--he tells the Father that it’s a myth.  And the other Jedi (aside from Qui-Gon) never talk about it in front of him, it’s almost never even mentioned, I think it comes up all of two or three times in the movies?  And each time there are people expressing doubt about it being true and it’s never discussed at Anakin’s face.  Even in TCW, aside from the Mortis arc, it never really seems to come up pretty much at all. Does he feel an obligation to Shmi’s memory to stay as a Jedi?  Possibly!  It would certainly be an easy conclusion to come to!  He never expresses it directly anywhere that I can recall, though. At the end of The Wrong Jedi, when Ahsoka says she’s going to leave, he says,  “I understand. More than you realize, I understand wanting to walk away from the Order.“ which is the most he ever expresses about actually wanting to leave in any canon that I’ve seen.  We’re given no other context for this--is it because he’s angry at the Jedi, is it that he feels they’re not doing enough and he could do more as a free agent, is it that he wants to leave to be with Padme, is it that he doesn’t like being a Jedi, is it that he feels a wanderlust for the stars?  We’re given no further context in that scene, so we have to put it together with the other things we have.  That Anakin, when he was younger, said he felt a calling to the starts, that in ROTS he wants more, that in the conversations with Padme and Tarkin, he feels the Jedi aren’t going far enough and someone should make people do things. Put together with the end of the Obi-Wan & Anakin comic, where he stays because he feels he can do more with the Jedi than without them, I think that’s at the heart of why Anakin stays.  He wants more more more more.  This is further evidenced by what George Lucas says about how the dark side works, which is something I think Anakin is clearly sliding into at this point: “What happens when you go to the dark side is it goes out of balance and you get really selfish and you forget about everybody … because when you get selfish you get stuff, or you want stuff, and when you want stuff and you get stuff then you are afraid somebody is going to take it away from you, whether it’s a person or a thing or a particular pleasure or experience.”  --George Lucas That’s what I see it as, because the story of Anakin Skywalker is one that is sliding towards the dark side, and Anakin’s problem is that he wants more and more and more.  He wants to be a Jedi, he wants to be married to Padme, he wants to be able to murder people to win the war, he wants to be made a Master (despite having just taken a bribe from Palpatine and clearly isn’t ready for it yet in emotional mastery), he wants all these people, things, and experiences.  He wants more. The point @alabasterswriting​ makes here:  “To me, (and it’s totally an opinion, and I’m open to disagreement), it’s always seemed like Anakin was on his way to being able to being able to handle himself emotionally before his perceptions of his sense of self were messed with. And I think (as I’m sure many do) a large part of that was Palpatine feeding his ego/preying on his fears and insecurities. Like we see in the bar with Palpatine that he uses a whole bunch of trigger words meant to make Anakin equate the Jedi to his time as a slave.“ is a really good one, because I absolutely agree that Palpatine completely muddied the waters on this, that Anakin was on his way to a much healthier understanding of himself and ability to understand himself, but then Palpatine started dripping poison into his hear and telling Anakin the things he wanted to hear, rather than the truth that he needed to hear. So, eventually, Vader rationalizes what he’s doing by looping back around to what Palpatine told him, which George Lucas makes clear in his directions to Hayden Christensen (that he’s rationalizing and justifying the things he’s doing, that he doesn’t actually believe them, that is), that that’s at the heart of how Anakin handles things. He does feel powerless to help people--despite that he’s not and there are plenty of moments where he knows otherwise, like in the Age of Republic comic, when he helps the people of Kudo out of the sticky situation they’re in, they have a chance to make their own choice about whether they want to join the Separatists or the Republic, Obi-Wan specifically points out that it was him who helped them:

There are actually a ton of instances in The Clone Wars of this as well, like he helps the rebels on Onderon, he helps save Naboo from the Blue Shadow Virus, he helps free the people of Mon Calamari, he helps free the people of Kiros, etc., but it was easier to grab the above cap as an example (even if I do absolutely agree that Anakin Skywalker is a bucket with a whole in the bottom--it doesn’t matter that he helps people almost every day, it’s never enough, he still wants more, he still feels powerless to help as many people as he wants, and he does feel like he’s often taking things apart, rather than fixing things, as he tells Padme in the Malevolence arc) as well as it’s a good segue into his relationship with Obi-Wan in the next part. Ultimately, I think it comes back to the dark side--it lies, it twists things, it tells Anakin that he wants more and more and more, that nothing else around him is ever enough.  He’s not helping enough people, he’s not doing enough stuff, he’s not getting enough recognition, he’s not getting enough personal loyalty over loyalty to things that are bigger than him. But he can’t face that truth about himself, that the dark side has twisted him, so instead the dark side must be right, Palpatine must be right.  The dark side always wins, Obi-Wan, Vader says in the Star Wars comic, and so everything else must be shuffled around to fit that.  Everything else must be rationalized to fit the way he feels, so he leans into whatever justification he can find, despite that he actually really wanted to be a Jedi and believed in their teachings. (Part 2 in a reblog coming soon because I can only do one monster post at a time.  ^_~)

[itsclydebitches]

About crosshair. Again lol

Regardless of his scar not lining up with chip scar or the headaches or “soldiers follow orders” again. Or him without a chip being a liability to the empire. I just don’t buy his personality change in the end. I’m the pilot episode they hammered it over our heads it’s very unlike him to follow orders. He said himself “empire or republic, what’s the difference?” But now in the end he cares about the empire protecting the galaxy? Responds to hunter his choice is “soldiers follow orders”? Wtf, really? So he genuinely believes his only personality is being a soldier now? when it’s been established in both in cw and tbb that cf99, including crosshair only cared about completing the mission. I get that people change but not that abruptly especially if we are to believe techs “unyielding” description of him to be true. Echo is the one true soldier of the group. He keeps repeating to hunter “we are soldiers not smugglers”, “there is no other way than being soldiers” etc. but he is clearly loyal to the republic. And I never saw echo and crosshair to be similar in that

So yeah , I think it’s very out of character for crosshair to just see himself as soldier and being content with following order or being a pawn(which he must realize he is cause he’s not dumb) especially with his mega inflated sense of self importance. Just my two cents

Crosshair is a complicated character! There's a lot to discuss :D

That's a good point though. And yeah, as acknowledged the quick personality change could be chalked up to chip influence if it's still having some kind of impact... but if it's not, then what do we make of that?

Putting aside the "It's just bad writing" possibility, I think there's a key difference between not following orders and not being loyal to the organization giving those orders. They're not necessarily the same thing, though it's easy to lump the two together. Yeah, we see early on that the Bad Batch isn't known for doing things the "right" way. Rex and Jesse are pretty unsure about their methods when the Batch first shows up in TCW. In the pilot Tech has a line about how "We're more deviant than defective" emphasizing that they tend to do things differently. Crosshair's sudden willingness to follow orders to the letter, not just in spirit, is questioned during their time in the cell, etc. So yeah, they don't obey the rules, but I don't think that's because they're not loyal. They're not refusing orders because pff, screw the Republic/Empire, who cares about those guys. They're refusing orders because they recognize that their way of doing things—the unconventional methods that deviate from the standard clone playbook—is more likely to net them, and the Republic, a success. They seem to be against the Republic's rules because they want the Republic to succeed, recognizing that their way is the best way to get that. Wrecker takes great pride in their successful missions, keeping tally marks on their room's wall. Crosshair is constantly pointing out how the higher ups called them in because the Regs couldn't complete a mission, likewise emphasizing his pride in being needed. When Rex and Hunter finally start bonding, it's through Rex's decision to charge the droids head on, precisely like the Batch would, rather than following the "correct" strategy of carefully picking them off from the tree line. They bond over the understanding of, "Yes. This is the best way the Republic wins." Perhaps most significantly, the Batch was still willing to complete missions for the Empire up until they were ordered to kill civilians. Killing Jedi resulted in an acknowledgement of how messed up that was... but no solid intent to leave.

All of the above is important because it establishes the Batch's need to be loyal to something other than themselves. The kind of loyalty that is shown through intense, life-threatening acts of service. Hunter's line about them being loyal to each other rather than some Empire, while true, is a simplification. Their loyalty to the Republic and their loyalty to one another overlap in many, many significant ways, simply because the Batch was created for the Republic. They have literally spent their entire lives living, breathing, fighting, and almost dying for the Republic. Their core identities stem from the Republic's desires: skills they want them to cultivate and even personalities they want to foster, if Tech's theories are to be believed (that conversation with Wrecker in the mess hall). The loyalty the Batch feels, those bonds they formed over the years, stem entirely from completing missions for the Republic. Their love for one another is, at least at the start, a product of the Republic's desire for Good Soldiers. And yeah, they sometimes did things the Republic technically didn't like, but it was always in service of achieving the Republic's end goal, whatever that may have been. They were very good soldiers, just soldiers that understood the value of creative thinking. "You want me to reach this location? Of course! I'll reach it by cutting across the grass, despite you asking me to follow the path already laid out. But our goal and the Regs' goal is exactly the same: fulfill your mission. That's our purpose in this life."

And then the Republic became the Empire.

Every one of these characters has a need to serve some higher purpose, to complete missions for the benefit of another. Overlooking the very literal ways in which they may have been genetically predisposed towards this (like the chip), and the cultural brainwashing that went on the second they were born (this is your duty, this is your purpose, this is all you exist for), this is, simply put, all they've ever known. Though it's possible to walk away from that need, it's by no means easy. So what saves the majority of the Batch from falling into that "Republic, Empire, what's the difference?" thinking out of a need to serve someone?

Omega.

I think it's crucial that the second they abandon one mission—killing civilians for the Empire—there's already new mission waiting for them to focus on instead—rescue and protect Omega, indefinitely. That's Hunter's thinking. We're not going to do A, we're going do B instead. All they did was put that single-minded focus onto a new target, but the focus—the need—still exists. And we see that throughout the first season, where everything the Batch does is in service to Omega. Their life decisions revolve entirely around her, from very small things (here's your own room on the ship) to the much larger (we need to stay on the move to help you avoid bounty hunters, even if we may want to find someplace to stay). The purpose of a soldier has been mapped onto the purpose of a parent, with the new, ongoing goal being "Raise Child" as opposed to "Win War." Putting aside for the moment the fact that this is an action-adventure show and thus exciting plot has to happen, I think it's notable that no one suggests non-soldier-y things to help them make money. Tech isn't offering his intellect as an easy way to make credits, nor Wrecker his strength. No one is seriously thinking of a planet they could hide out on, even from bounty hunters, so as to raise Omega in peace. They are still, fundamentally, the people they were during the time of the Republic, people who need to fight for something. Literally fight. It's just now they're chaotically fulfilling missions for Cid so they can give Omega a halfway decent life, rather than chaotically fulfilling missions for a general so they can give the Republic a chance at winning the war.

Omega is the new focus, the new Republic stand-in, but what happens if she's not an option? (Would have been really interesting to see what the Batch did if she'd actually left with Cut.) Without the chip affecting his thoughts, I fully believe Crosshair would have left with the others. Why wouldn't he? That's his family and, per Hunter's orders, Omega is the new mission. But the chip ensured he missed that chance and by the time he came out of it (if he came out of it), it was too late. His squad was gone, they never came back, and Crosshair needs to find a new place in this galaxy, just like they did. Except his options are far more limited and suck a whole lot more. I can't recall anything that implies Crosshair thinks the Empire will save the galaxy, but he does think it's going to control it and he's looking for his own purpose in this new life. Why not find purpose in the winning side? He can serve the Empire just like they served the Republic. He can serve the Empire just like his squad now serves Omega. The need to belong somewhere, to have that larger goal, outweighs those pesky ethical issues, at least for now. Though to me the "Good soldiers follow orders" really, really still sounds like chip influence, it can also be read as a broader acknowledgment that yes, they are fundamentally soldiers and yes, they do need orders of one kind or another. They need that mission. That goal. That purpose. Someone who helps to guide them in this new, crazy galaxy. Yeah, they've always bent and gotten creative with the orders, but until 4/5ths of them left the Empire, they'd never ignored the orders as a whole. None of the Bad Batch went, "I'm not taking this mission because the Admiral was an asshole to us about it and I don't feel like it :/" They suck up all the hard parts—the awful treatment, the danger, the general difficulty—because they have a goal to fulfill. They live for having a goal, literally in the sense that this is what they were made for. The Bad Batch is still doing that with Cid, putting up with bad treatment, dangerous situations, and general difficulty because they have that larger goal of taking care of Omega. Crosshair missed out on that, so he latched onto the Empire instead. Which circles right back around to previous points that if the Batch had tried to rescue him and/or been more welcoming when offering his return, Crosshair likely would have joined in on the Omega mission too. It's the best new purpose for all of them.

Crosshair sees himself as a soldier because, right now, being a soldier of the Empire is the only way he can find the purpose and belonging that the rest of the Batch maintained with each other and Omega, back when he was left behind. No, he's not dumb, but the logistics of the situation outweigh his knowledge that things are far from perfect. Do we think the Batch doesn't also realize that Cid is continually taking advantage of them with 70/30 splits? Of course not. But they need a way to survive and, right now, this is it. Crosshair likewise recognizes that the Empire is treating him as a pawn—I think he was in denial prior to the bombing, but now he definitely knows—but what other option is there? Not his squad. As discussed, he feels strongly that he's no longer welcome with them, with good reason. The only other option is to go off on his own, something that's incredibly foreign to clones who were bred to serve that higher purpose alongside many, many brothers. Yes, we've seen one or two who manage that—like Cut—but they're the outliers. Rex found his new purpose fighting the Empire with Ahsoka. The Batch found their new purpose taking care of Omega with each other. Crosshair's new purpose is... nothing. Not unless he swallows down his misgivings (and his ego) and keeps serving the Empire until a better purpose comes along.

[neoraso]

royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you 

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk 

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there 

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like 

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of” 

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

 “would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

 before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death 

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab 

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead  as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door 

u slept a lot better that night 

from that point on you could not get rid of minho 

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was 

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you 

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived 

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings;  but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3

[mc-critical]

[2/2] i was reading one of your posts about dilruba & something about it made me wish dilruba had more screen time because she’s the only princesses who was extremely dutiful towards her mother & brother but also managed to achieve her own happiness through her marriage. also, one more thing which i wish was done with her character... so like we all know how safiye sultan practically worships hurrem, w/ always remembering her, showing her ring off etc. the way she talks about hurrem is very exaggerated, “hurrem sultan was head to toe power.” which is true but at the same time, the show really didn’t show her full & complete power like it was historically and we all know 2 seasons of hurrem went in being immature & not really regal or completely power [& she was still constantly overshadowed by the sultanas of blood]. however, hurrem was still almost like a goddess type figure in mc:k and despite safiye’s strained relations w/ nurbanu, she still praised her a lot. basically, the two figures of the sow & the ring holders from the first show are remember in the second show. but what about mihrimah? she was a vital figure in history & in mustafa’s downfall & in the last season of the show even though she didn’t receive the ring to signify her as a part of the sow. what i wished for is dilruba idolising mihrimah, aspiring to be a protector of her brother like she was & exaggerating her power like safiye did w/ hurrem. this way, mihrimah could also be remember. also, dilruba’s character was more of what i had imagined for mihrimah. i didn’t imagine her to love rustem like dilruba loved davut but i expected mihrimah to be more powerful & dutiful towards her mother [more compared to dilruba but ofc also not to the extent of wanting to kill kids who were part of the dynasty]. anyhow, dilruba could’ve really taken mihrimah as her idol imo as her, halime & davut were a parallel of mihrimah, hurrem & rustem. sorry for the long post! but this is something i wish mc:k had done. [worth nothing that rustem & davut were also similar villanish type guys who’s only redeeming qualities could be their toxic love for their sultanas & their loyalties towards hurrem & halime, though rustem did waver in his loyalty whilst halime sold davut like the dog he is lol]

Dilruba's character development was truly very condensed in these 9 episodes, so there was never going to be enough of her, from whichever angle you look at it. I kinda cut the writers slack, because I know the ratings played a considerable part in MCK's script and they had a lot to do and a lot to rush (whereas in MC they could practically do whatever they wanted, because their ratings were perfect, I guess that's why they had so many concubine arcs hehe), but I love Dilruba and I would've loved more screentime with her. The time we spent with her could feel so minimal to the point we get the impression that we got to know little Dilruba a bit more than the older Dilruba. (the opposite case of little Mihrimah, who was almost a completely different character with a different thematic set-up, her childish love for Bali Bey aside. The older Mihrimah went on a completely different path as a character.) This isn't a bad thing, per say, because little Dilruba had already set the foundation of the character as a whole and we didn't need much more context for her actions than what we already got, but this little amount of screentime could limit her role to a simple, a bit flanderized antagonist to Kösem, which is honestly a trend for all of Kösem's antagonists in S01.

{Safiye's cult for Hürrem is one of the most interesting things about her as a character, but it is over exaggerated for the reasons you mentioned just as it simply isn't real. Safiye has never met Hürrem in person and even if MCK didn't call back to that, Mihrimah actually played an important part in establishing that cult in her training of Safiye. Safiye knows of this powerful S04 Hürrem who makes everyone tremble before her and considers "survival of the fittest". (MCK Safiye shares the exact same philosophy) What she worships in Hürrem is rather a picture she has formed in her head, the figure from Mihrimah's stories. This aspect of Safiye's character is used to form her own path in the evolution of power in the SOW, so we could see symbolically how much of what Hürrem represents has she moulded to her own agenda, it's indeed not presented as the actual truth. It also brings the question and perspective of what fragment of Hürrem Mihrihah herself sets as an example for herself and others, knowing that she does not completely idealize her own mother in the show. She was perfectly able to call out Hürrem's own flaws as much as she could openly take Hürrem's judgement.}

That worshipping of Hürrem in MCK truly sounded far too ideal and almost god-like, but in reality, not so many people in the show actually practice it. The only person who actively does, is Safiye, a main antagonist. Ahmet only mentions Hürrem when he gave her crown to Kösem. The references to the MC characters and especially the SOW in MCK is fascinating because you can see how you get only the accomplishments of people you've only heard narratives on, but never their actual stories, their actual struggles. People who were actually around the worshipped people and knew them personally obviously have a clearer understanding of who they truly were, like how Safiye called Nurbanu the most beautiful but also the cruelest sultana she's ever known, which makes perfect sense, knowing their rivalry and enmity. Nurbanu is inspired by Hürrem, but still stood against her with all her might. The people who have heard only basic facts of the more unrealistically idealized sides of those they worship praise merely the symbols of these people, what they were known to represent. Ahmet wants to be as accomplished as Süleiman, but we, as audience, know of Süleiman's detrimental flaws as a person and a padişah and we see that, he isn't exactly a person to be praised, let alone worshipped. It's interesting how the SOW call each other back in different ways, but it's all the more interesting that neither Kösem, nor Turhan call back to their predecessors. Is it because they've known each other closer than any of the worship? Is it simply because their characters have a different purpose? Is it because the theme of letting go of the past reached its fullest peak? I definetly can't say for sure.

That said, MC Mihrimah isn't from the SOW in the show both symbolically and arc-wise, but having a character that is not from the SOW (Dilruba) worship another character from the other show that also isn't from the SOW (Mihrimah) would be intriguing, judging by their similarities. However, these exact similarities prevent me from assessing this idea entirely, because I don't think it would do the show many favors. It could add even more depth to Dilruba: her willingness to protect Mustafa at all costs would be even more understandable then, knowing how the person she worships did the exact same thing in her eyes - it would turn not into a necessity, but into an ideal to live by, something that not only she has to do, but considers as honorable to do and loves it. But Dilruba is close enough to Mihrimah along with the traits and conceptual differences that set both of them apart - having the parralel be "addressed" in-universe through a direct worship would remind the audience even more that Dilruba is similar to Mihrimah and that may prevent endearment to her character. There are people that consider MCK so similar to MC already, that would be the last nail of the coffin. It may have been a risky move because of the ratings? Safiye worships Hürrem, but Safiye has a different narrative role than Hürrem and a more distinct personality, while Dilruba is a more obvious and open parallel. Not to the point of repetition, of course, but it's still close enough for a possible worship for Mihrimah in the show itself to be a dealbreaker for some. I wouldn't mind such a thing for Dilruba at all, but I can see why it possibly wasn't the case.

I'm satisfied with what we got with MC Mihrimah, but I can understand why you would want more power and agency from her. She could be very clueless sometimes which contrasted with her moments of perceptiveness. That was a solid character flaw of hers, but it could be very annoying. But then again, I also get why Mihrimah was the way she was, because MC put the personal motives of a character before any kind of power (or a character wants power for personal motives). Dilruba was perhaps way more ruthless, because MCK itself was more ruthless and it built on the MC themes. Power was already for the sake of power, the time period was more ruthless, everything was happening instantly and there wasn't a place to breathe. While with Mihrimah we got a deeper exploration where we saw more vulnerable sides, Dilruba had both her screentime and this ruthlessness stopping her from developing more and letting her be who she is. I guess both characters had their reasons to be who they were thematically, but writing improvements could still be made, of course.

[softrozene]

Hellooo! I hope you're okay. Can I get a scenario for Benn Beckmann, Crocodile and Smoker with a female reader who confesses her feelings, please ?

I’m doing amazing Lovely. I hope you’re doing wonderful too! <3 I am such a sucker for requests like these. They feed into my love for fluff and cuteness, so I hope you enjoy this! Because of the theme requested and the characters personalities I gave the reader more of a shy girl kind of personality!

Benn, Crocodile, Smoker x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff to the max

Words: 1818

Benn Beckmann-

Benn has a bad feeling the second he saw your cute form go up to the captain. He always gets an uneasy feeling when you talk to Shanks and yes, he is aware he is jealous, and he does not hide it very well, but this time felt different. Mostly because Shanks is giggling like a girl and your face looks beyond flustered.

Normally, he would go to your rescue but the second he sees Shanks look at him he had the urge to run away from his captain’s idiocy. He could not do so after you turn as well and give him a look that makes his heart ache. Whatever is going on he does not like it but seeing that look you gave him, makes him stay in place.

Benn is usually a quiet man and one who definitely does not wear his heart on his sleeve but the crew members who he’s been with from the start of the Red Hair Pirates can see through him. They know how smitten he is with you just as you are with him. It is almost painful that the two of you are not together and that is why while Benn is keeping an eye on you and Shanks from afar, Shanks is trying to convince you to confess to Benn.

The thought terrifies you. Your face heats up like a fire and you feel dizzy just thinking about it. Shanks is making fun of you and you want to hit him but of course, you do not dare. It is all in good faith that he is teasing you anyway.

The worry practically paints your being and Shanks gives in to give you his captain talk.

“Listen (Name), you are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman. I can promise you that Benn will reciprocate your feelings. On the highly slim chance that he does not I will owe you a date night to lather you up with the romance you deserve,” Shanks promises.

The thought makes you want to gag immediately since you are not interested in your captain and Shanks laughs since you did not hide that. His words did reach you though and you turn around yet again to see Benn staring at you.

It is now or never.

As you walk up to Benn, he kicks himself for staring for so long. Even more, he wishes he knew what Shanks said to you to make your face so flustered.

“Benn?” Ah. The way you say his name makes him smile as he hums in response.

You go for it. “I like you. A lot. I know I may not be the most confident of women but-“

This is really happening. Benn can’t hear your words as the smile on his face grows. He glances back towards his captain who in return gives him a thumbs up. He cuts your now stuttering sentence off as he places a hand on your shoulder.

“I like you too, (Name). If you are sure you want to pursue a relationship with me then by all means I accept,” Benn says.

And that was how Benn accidentally killed a crewmember, his new partner, with Shanks as a witness when your body hit the ground and you went to cloud nine.

Crocodile-

“Do you know why you are here?” Crocodile questions.

You look a bit nervous but overall, pretty composed. He is impressed since anyone else would have usually pissed their pants by now. You do not answer him and even though that agitates him he lets it pass since you are one of his most valuable assets.

“You have been distracted. It is affecting your work. Would you like to tell me why?” He asks leaning into his hand.

Despite the way he asked it with a certain gentleness to it, his hook starts to carve into the desk leaving the silent threat. Any other person would be terrified, and it looks like you are, but you are just nervous. Your heart is racing wildly as you try to distract yourself from feeling a bit too hot from the threat of his hook.

“I have a perfectly reasonable explanation,” You start.

You want to tell him, but it may mean your death sentence. This man does not tolerate distractions. The only reason why he has not murdered you on the spot for your suddenly slow work is because your loyalty is as high, maybe even higher than Mr. 1’s loyalty. That is a great feat and one Crocodile appreciates even if he has no problems getting rid of his loyal followers.

He raises an eyebrow and you decide that saying your feelings for him would be worth it even if he decides to take your life.

“I like somebody… Romantically,” You begin.

Your eyes widen however when his hook crashes into the desk leaving a big and ugly scratch. The veins on his neck are prominent and for a moment you believe that he is jealous. It is a silly little thought but one that could bring you to tears with joy. It’s impossible though. You want to cry from embarrassment now. Crocodile is just angry that your romantic feelings got in the way of your work, you convince yourself this.

In reality, the second you admitted this, Crocodile saw red. You have feelings for someone? Nobody but he deserves your kind and loyal personality. You fit him perfectly and he would protect you no matter what. So, he is angry at whoever has your mind and heart right now.

He lost his composure for a second and he regrets it upon seeing your saddened face. Slight pride is in him for being able to get that reaction out of you though because that means you know your feelings for another are unacceptable.

Crocodile decides to go straight to the point. “Tell me who he is so I can destroy him. You are aware that feelings only cause distractions.”

The words sting and hard. He can see you flinch from this and your hesitation is strong. This is a first and he astounded that you out of everyone else may withhold this information. It almost makes him scoff. Of course, he should have known better. Even among the most loyal, they may betray him.

He is ready to crush all his feelings for you at this moment when you open your mouth and freeze. He allows you the moment to say the stupid name, but his eyes widen at what you do say.

“It is you. I like you romantically.”

He can sense your need to go run and hide and honestly? With what he does next he does not blame you. He laughs. Anyone would take this the wrong way which is why he is quick to compose himself and say, “This changes everything. Especially since I return your feelings. It would only make sense that we get involved with each other officially to avoid any more distractions, doesn’t it?”

He seems to have broken you as you stare at him awe that he really feels the same way. He accepts that as an answer.

“Prepare for a date tonight. Expect nothing but the best now that I can freely call you my woman.”

Smoker-

Today felt funny to Smoker for some odd reason. Usually, he is not this dense especially when his subordinates are involved which is why he is getting heavily annoyed that they are whispering amongst themselves while sending him glances.

He can’t recall what he did to warner these glances, but he suspects it has something to do with you as soon as he sees them glance your way. You, as always, are stuck in your head. It makes him stop as he thinks about you for a moment.

You are a strong and resilient woman. At first, he did not believe this with how much of an airhead you were but then he saw you in battle and honestly? He saw you more than a subordinate. He realized how compassionate you were for others. Seeing you in a different light alone made him angry but whenever you are around, he becomes fully aware of his body’s and emotion’s reactions to you. He becomes aware of how the subordinates treat you.

Getting a bit irritated with his feelings, he looks away from you and begins to glance over the ship. Though from the corner of his eye he can see Tashigi talking to you. He huffs more at the thought of you two being closer seeing as you both are the only females on this marine ship.

He looks away and grits his teeth as the irrational thoughts in his head begin to deepen.

“Sir? Sir!” You call out making him jump.

He immediately tries to fight off the blush trying to paint his cheeks as he realizes how close you are to him. You are trying to peer into his face to see if he is okay.

“Are you okay?” You ask genuinely concerned.

Smoker forces him to cough as he nods his head. “Yes. Fine. What is it you need, (Last Name)?”

“I, uh, it really is nothing. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you and that I actually find you really attractive and I know it’s against the rules since you are my superior and all but when I look at you I see a handsome man that I can really build a future with and I haven’t felt this way about anyone else before and I just can’t help admire the way you look and behavior sometimes and-”

Many ands later, Smoker’s face has turned beet red and he can feel the need to vanish into the smoke but from sheer happiness. You, you confessed to him? Even more, you gave a whole speech with your confession and somehow you manage to look adorable as you try and retract your confession. You seemed to realize that you ended up rambling and now became a mess as you try and backtrack the conversation to the original question of if he was okay.

He finally as enough. He can’t help it, especially when he finds out that your feelings are mutual. He grabs your face with one hand, pinching your cheeks as he makes you pucker your lips and he pushes his on top with ease.

It made you shut up… Oh… It made you almost pass out. He can feel the heat off your face as your brain sizzles from malfunctioning.

“Go finish your duties (Name)… I’ll request a night off for the two of us for a proper date,” Smoker whispers as he returns to his serious face.

Even if he does get serious again, you can’t help but notice the slight pink on his cheeks still that is proof you accomplished something with your confession.

[nikkoliferous]

Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram: 

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all. 

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

—

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy 

Just wanna remind everyone that this 

is why he’s smiling during this scene 

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂 

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring. 

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger 

Honestly, though, big mood. 

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway. 

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather. 

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is. 

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.  

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess… 

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD. 

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol 

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol 

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit. 

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

[bogkeep]

i wrote down a rough outline for the Timian Fable and Vinta Qir story, just to have it written down Somewhere, and i feel like it’s only fair to share it with people who care about them!! i wrote it in a google doc but i’m gonna copypaste it under the readmore, so i hope the formatting isn’t too fucky.

(here’s a toyhouse page for my iphimery characters)

Prince Aljanah (third son of the queen, pretty far down in line to the throne, generally bored, has zero responsibilities and zero accountability) seduces Timian mostly for the heck of it. I mean, Timian is super cute, so like. Why not. He gives him a smooch and a stealthy “think about it, OK?” and oh god does Timian ever think about it. It’s a really Big Conflict in his brain because he has a DUTY and this goes against ALL DUTY and Aljanah is almost literally his employer (his loyalty is sworn to the royal family) so it’s like! What the hell is he supposed to do!! What the prince wants is supposed to trump what he wants, unless it puts the royal family’s safety in jeopardy, and AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH (and he kind of really wants to?? There’s a lot to unpack here?????)

 There’s some genuine friendship in there, where Aljanah helps Timian overcome some trauma around magic, but for the most part Timian is left pining for a relationship Aljanah isn’t interested in.

(Aljanah teaches Timian some light magic maybe??? Timian isn’t too keen on using it, ever. He does learn some very useful magic blocks though.)

Vinta is on a mission to assassinate Aljanah. Timian stops them and they are equally measured in strength. Vinta is about to use their magic (which they only use as a last resort), but Timian then has a moment of Gay (their faces are very close together) and blurts out something like “oh... you’re beautiful” which takes Vinta so unexpectedly aback they kind of… flee

Vinta tries again another time, but Timian is there again to meet them, and this time Vinta goes straight for the magic - which freaks Timian out bc trauma, but he remembers what Aljanah taught him and counters it. The ordeal leaves both of them so exhausted, they kind of just lie down and… start bonding over how magic kinda sucks. Very begrudgingly, on Vinta’s part at least. 

(“Please don’t forget me?” “I don’t think I could even if I wanted to”) Unsure If Vinta Agrees To Stop The Assassination But They Certainly Seem Very Unhappy About The Prospect Of One

Despite it seeming like Timian may never meet Vinta again… Vinta keeps showing up. Not as an assassin in the dark, but like, on the street? Off the clock? So they sort of start hanging out?? Vinta has a real knack for finding Timian anywhere, anytime… one time they come across him singing by himself down by the water, but they don’t approach him. Just sit down and listen out of sight, a little guilty for intruding. 

Timian seems awfully forgiving of Vinta attempting to murder his crush, but hey, Vinta was just trying to do his job. Timian seems extremely reluctant to talk about Aljanah at all ever though. Vinta slowly pieces together that Timian has some really strong and painful feelings towards the prince. IT’S COMPLICATED

Vinta never ever addresses the whole “you’re beautiful” thing. Timian never brings it up either. THEY’RE BOTH THINKING ABOUT IT, CONSTANTLY

This is like. The first time either of them has a friend who’s really their equal and who kind of really gets them. It’s so incredibly precious and neither wants to mess that up. This has never happened before in the history of gay

Timian’s relationship to romance/sexuality is very… he has a duty, you know? He has to be stronger than that and not let it ever distract him. So of course Aljanah comes along and MESSES ALL OF IT UP. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

He has some issues. He’s working on it. 

In all honesty he started out very clueless like he didn’t recognize crushes as crushes for such a long time because “they’re just such lovely friends :)” you know. So it was very easy to say he was above these things BUT HE WASN’T!! HE WASN’T!!! HE WAS JUST A DUMBASS!!! What Aljanah does is essentially just confront the dumbassery head on and it’s like oh no *pictures of all his dear lovely friends spill out of pocket* “i’m gay???” “always was”

Vinta’s relationship to romance/sexuality was to repress all of it because they don’t belong to themself. They were like, keenly aware every time Some Feeling showed up uninvited and they would throttle it and shove it down where it never got to flourish. 1) they can’t have it 2) they don’t deserve it So don’t even try, you know? There’s no fucking point. 

AND SO THEY PINE FOR ONE ANOTHER

I mean they kind of… help each other a lot, sharing traumas, letting the other that they deserve to have nice things, and be a person maybe?? Maybe duty isn’t all there is for them out there? Sounds fake but ok [gazes longingly into each other’s eyes]

Vinta never goes through with the assassination on prince Aljanah but sometimes they kind of really want to. Not because of a job, but because oh my god Aljanah broke Timian’s heart and also AAUGHH HE DOESN’T DESERVE TIMIAN’S DEVOTION THIS IS UPSETTING I DON’T KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH THIS DSJKSDJKDSFJB!!

They also gotta deal with the pressure from the assassin’s guild. Since they’re one of the top assassins they got a lot of leeway at first, but now that they’re questioning both their purpose and loyalty and kind of push back… it’s getting kind of dangerous maybe. The other assassins start getting on their case as well and Vinta has to keep up appearances and prove that they’re not too Weak to do it.  Vinta has a lot of pride in their skills ok. Pride is one of the emotions they’ve let themself foster.

Meanwhile Timian is kind of slowly able to let go of his yearning for Aljanah, because he’s found a relationship that’s filling in all the wounds from what he’s not getting from the prince?? Like he’s investing in a friendship that’s actually fulfilling and a two way street? And maybe?? Something More?? SJAJHSDJKA???

It’s giving Timain the ability to set a boundary between himself and Aljanah that was sorely lacking before. Things are still kind of Strange and a little Painful but he’s on a healthier path and we’re all very proud of him

Look I haven’t thought too hard about the actual plot with the assassination and stuff but imagine that other assassins take on the mission to kill Aljanah and VINTA TEAMS UP WITH TIMIAN TO PROTECT THE GARBAGE PRINCE BECAUSE HE MATTERS TO TIMIAN. 

Aljanah hasn’t met Vinta before (he just sleeps through assassination attempts for the most time, it happens frequently enough that he just accepts that this is his lot in life???) and is like oh thank you and who do I owe the honor and Vinta just punches him in the face

Since that was overall confusing, Timian and Vinta kind of have to talk about it, and Vinta admits to having some… Selfish And Greedy Feelings and they are clearly not ready to confess properly yet

Timian has, for better or for worse, learnt some things from Aljanah. “You want to see something selfish?” he says, kissing Vinta. “Think about it, OK?” he says before he goes, leaving a VERY DAZED Vinta just standing there

[MORE THINGS HAPPEN????]

In the future. When Vinta has quit the guild and Timian is no longer a royal guard, and they make a home together and create a life where they no longer work in violence… 

Vinta collects knives because they love knifes. Knives have always felt Safe to them because magic has been the dangerous tool. Vinta gets really good at woodworking.

Timian helps out at an apothecary. Which is funny because his name just means thyme in norwegian. He doesn’t keep any polearms around, but if necessary he can wield a really mean pitchfork.

They’re both highly skilled fighters, but don’t try to drag them into any pointless wars, ok? It won’t end well for you.

They love and care eachother 

[jeffreystewart]

Norsery Rhymes from A to Z Happy Thorsday – Prince Egil One-Hand, Berserker of the Many Rings Well here we are another Thor’s Day and another 20 min sketch of a Norse (and Germanic) mythological characters.  This week it’s Egil / Egill One-Hand mentioned in the Egilis Saga.

TLDR at the bottom.

Hi name has been translated to ‘Awe’, or ‘Fear’, or ‘dread’ combined with ‘edge’ or ‘point’ of a weapon. Which unlike the farmer Giant Egil who shares his name, where the meaning had the context of being afraid of the sword. Egil here, much like Egill Skallagrimson, is meant to imply the use of the sword, and that others should be afraid of his blade’s edge.

His father was King Hring of Smaland, and Ingibjorg the Earl’s daughter of Gautland. As a young man, Egil and his friends were known for going around causing lots of trouble. Egging each other on to do dumber and more selfish things that upset and hurt the people and animals of the land. Loving spending more time in the forest than the city.

 One day he and his friends decided to see who could swim across a great lake. During the swim a fog formed on the lake, and while his friends fell behind, Egil pushed on into it. But the fog went on for days, with no clear path to land no matter what direction he went. It’s not known if the fog was a natural one, or one sent by the Gods to punish Egil for his arrogance. But eventually there was a break in the fog on an unknown shore. Egil couldn’t stand, move or stay awake for another moment. He fell into a deep sleep that lasted nearly as long s his time in the fog.

 He awoke to find himself in a large columned cave home, now the prisoner of a giant. Who informed Egil that he was now his goat herd, and that he would kill him if he did not perform his duties.

 Over the course of the next year, Egil recovered from his near week long swim. He tended the goats, who were difficult for him, got stronger, and plotting his escape. At the end of that first year, Egil, after careful planning, managing to sneak away and run for his freedom beyond the Giant’s home. He had been swift and careful, and made a good distance. But on the fourth day from his escape he found the giant, with his large stride, and his intelligence, had followed Egil’s footprints, and caught up to him. Egil was caught again.

 The giant, upset at Egil’s escape, but not wanting to kill him, clamped forty pound bands around each foot (or leg) that he would have to wear at all times.

 It took him a long time to learn to walk with that weight, while still being expected to perform his goat herding duties. He knew he could not simply run away again, especially slowed down as he was.

 Time passed, and Egil got used to the weight, getting stronger and stronger, living a simple, but uneasy life forced to tend the goats.  Feeding, caring, milking, and retrieving the ones who ran off.

 It was seven years since his capture, and one night while off retrieving several lost goats, he came across a cat with golden eyes. Capturing it before returning to his captor’s home.

 The Giant was curious how Egil had been able to find the goats in the dark. Egil told him that he cold see In the dark because of his golden magic eyes that had captured starlight in them. The giant not believing him said he’d never seen him use other eyes before and asked if he could see them. Egil at first refused, asking for a promise that the Giant wouldn’t steal them. When the Giant agreed, Egil uncovered the cat’s eyes from under his cloak, reflecting the firelight in them. Telling the giant that there was a magical procedure that allowed him to remove one set of eyes and replace them with the other.

 The Giant after hearing this wanted them very badly, but knew he could not force Egil to tell him how to make his eyes exchangeable for the other. So he offered Egil his freedom for both the eyes, and the procedure to use them.

 Egil agreed to the deal. The giant agreed to be tied to a column in the cave to avoid trashing about during the operation. But once Egil had the Giant’s eyes he apologized saying that the procedure had failed while throwing the eyes into the fire.  The Giant, sure that he had been tricked ran to the front door of the cave, blocking the way and locking the door.

 After a long while considering his options now, decided on a plan. After several days, he killed one of the goats and made a goat costume for himself. Egil getting into his disguise waited for the Giant to open the door for the goats to go graze, started a stampede. The Giant felt at each goat as it went by, and was almost fooled by Egil’s disguise before he realized he couldn’t hear the click clack hoof sounds on the stone floor from Egil. The Giant grabbed Egil, trying to kill him with his knife, missing Egil except for his left ear, taking it clean off. Egil in response cut off the giants hand holding him. Taking the hand still gripping him as he made his escape. Along with that hand came a large very valuable ring that Egil could wear as an armband.

 He ran for his life for some time, knowing the Giant could still be following him with his other senses. After a while living in the wild, he came across a Viking ship and it’s company. Joining them he would have been a strange sight, with one, ear, metal shackles on his legs / feet, and Prince’s ring on his hand, and a giant gold ring around his arm. He was a strong man at this point, and learned to be a capable sailor. He would end up leading the company and another once when the leaders of both fought a duel where they both died. Taking the best 32 best from each band, he would go on to raid the Baltic lands. Collecting fame, fortune, and most notably, collecting rings, as he went. It’s never said if he is able to remove his foot / leg shackles.

 One day while out in raiding he saw an island on which two giants, one a male Jotun with a sword, and the other female Jotun noted for wearing a very short skirt. Both fighting over a large gold ring, that appeared to be the giantesses. Egil decided to take the side of the Giantess, as he thought she was the more attacked party, and joined the battle with the giant. Cutting off a large part of the giants upper arm muscle. But the giant was able to get in his swing and took off Egil’s sword arm above the wrist. Egil just managed to get back to his ship, where they departed for safer shores. Leaving the battle unsettled, but the giantess able to keep her ring.

 Egil’s crew tended to his arm as best they could, but were not healers or any skill or magic. Once back at port, Egil had not been able to sleep for several days from the pain of the arm. He went for a walk in a nearby forest, where he met a Dwarf child out fetching water. Egil gifted the child one of his gold rings without it knowing, dropping it in his water pail.

 They parted, and after some time, an older dwarf appeared, asking who had given his child the ring, and wanting to know why they would so willingly part with it. Egil told him he’d given it freely, and that he both had many to part with and that in his pain, he could not appreciate his collection anyway. The older Dwarf thanked him and in as thanks healed the arm of all pain. He then painlessly fitted a Dvergr sword into Egil’s missing arm that would allow him to fight just as easily as if he had a hand, if not more so.

 At some time after that Egil still in command of his company was raiding the Russian kingdom of King Hertygg, when his general Rognvald and ninety six men went to stop the Berserker Egil and his 32 men. Egil and his men won the battle, Egil losing only a few men, but the Russian men losing almost all of theirs. Rognvald himself mortally wounded and only just able to make it back to the King to report on what had happened.

 It was here that the King’s man Gnodar-Asmund Berserkers-Slayer is introduced. Who himself was missing two ears from a time when his Blood Brother Aran came back from the dead and took them. On hearing Rognovald and his story Asmund would go to Egil directly. The two decided on a duel to avoid more lives lost. Three times Egil the ringed berserker with the sword arm and Asmund the famed Berserker-Slayer fought day and night into exhaustion, and without a winner. The fourth duel looked to continue the same way as the others, but as the fight wore on, Asmund managed to get just the slightest advantage, forcing Egil to surrender. Egil does so, much from his respect for Asmund, as for the safety of his men, Egil swore loyalty to the King.

 Egil and Asmund swear themselves blood brothers. Becoming friends they would serve and adventure together over the fall and winter seasons. Setting out with 24 men on a voyage to find the King’s missing daughters Brunhildr. Who though a capable fighter and huntsman had been carried off by an ancient giant monster Hare. And Bekkhildur The Wise who had been carried away by a giant vulture.

 It’s on this voyage that they track them to Jotenheim where they spend months searching shores, islands, forests, and mountains. One day, while their men were suffering from lack of food, they find in a river crosses valley a flock of giant unattended goats. When they go to take one of the Goats however they hear a booming voice from a tall Giant woman who asks who is stealing the Queen of this lands goats. The giantess Skinnnefja reveals herself as the Queen Arinnefja daughter. Telling the Egil and Asmund she will visit the Queen. Egil gives her one of his rings as payment for the trouble despite her protests.  

 The Princes goes on ahead giving her mother the ring and telling her of the men. The Queen askes her daughter to invite the men back to her. When they meet the Queen she seeming surprised at the appearance of Egil.  

 She finds they have not eaten for a week, and immediately goes to have a huge amount of foods like porridge and broth made for the group, asking them to tell their tale as they wait.  They each tell their stories and afterword the Queen tells the men that her two Princely Giant brothers Guatr and Hildr had captured the Princesses to marry them. She offers the men treasures to help them on their quest, leading them to her vault.

 There they see rare treasures beyond count, and in a place of prominence she sits a chest that opens to reveal a hand and quarter arm with a signet ring on it that Egil recognizes. Egil when touching the hand starts to feel heat in his sword arm. The queen tells him another story of a man who saved her from her brother Gautr who wanted to steal her ring, but lost his arm in the process. She then removes the sword from his arm and wraps the stump carefully in magic cloth letting him rest as his lost hand grows back, leaving a mark around the arm where it was lost. His sword refashioned for him to carry it.

The men with the help of their hosts are able to kill the giant brother and save the princesses from their forced marriage. Egil, Asmund and Arinnefja bring them home to the King. He offers Egil and Asmund either gold or his daughters hands in marriage. 

Both men choose the princesses, to marry in a years time. Egil first going back to finally meet his family in their lands to re-establish his claim to the throne, Asmundr to find his family for the wedding in his lands, and Arinnefja to return to her lands to deal with her kingdom’s matters. Arinnefja is huge amounts of gifted drinks, butter, boars and other foods not native to Jotunheim. After the massive party that was the wedding, Egil married Bekkhildur and Asmundr, who had become ruler of Halogaland while there, married Brynhildr, each going off to their lands to rule there.

And wow, I did not realize this description had gotten so long. Hope you enjoyed it, but in case you skipped right here for the TLDR version.

- Dickhead prince gets captured by giant.  - Tends goats for 8 years.  - Escapes by tricking a Giant with a cat’s eyes and goats hide, - Cat and Goat not so lucky. - Giant loses eyes and an arm, - But Prince loses an ear, - But gets a giant ring.  - Becomes Viking, - Starts ring collecting hobby, - Becomes Viking leader. - Defends a Giantess in a short skirt purely for honourable reasons, - Loses arm in the process. - Gives Dwarf child a ring while delirious in pain, - Child’s father heals his arm and gives him a sword arm.  - Invades Russia, smart enough not to do it in the winter, - Defeats Russian army. - Fights soon to be BFF to a standstill 3 times, but loses in the 4th, - Become Blood Bros. - Goes off with new BFF to find captured Princesses, - Get’s hungry, - Finds the Giant woman he helped before is a Queen. - Queen shows him his old hand that magically heals him a new one. - Defeats Giants that kidnapped Princesses, - Saves the Princesses, - Get’s engaged to a Princess, - Goes home to be King, - Gets Married to a Princess.

[padawanlost]

I always thought one of the saddest parts of the prequels was that Obi-wan was forced to choose between his love for Anakin and being a Jedi and, when he made his choice, the consequences were awful...I just wanna throttle Yoda even though Obi-wan made the decision on his own, of course

Yes, and it’s such a sad story because Obi-wan always knew the truth: that being a good person was more important than being a good jedi.

“Something has just happened,” Obi-wan told him quietly. “I just realized something. Qui-Gon will never take me as a Padawan. He feels I am unworthy, and perhaps he is right. Maybe I wouldn’t be good at it.” “And you are not angry?” Si Treemba asked, surprised. “No,” Obi-Wan said. “I feel strange, Si Treemba. It’s as if a burden has been lifted from me. Perhaps I could be a good farmer. Ant to be good… to be a good person is more important than being a Jedi.”[Dave Wolverton. The Rising Force]

“Obi-Wan reached out, then hesitated. He felt a strong urge not to wake the boy, to let him sleep like this forever, to forever anticipate a great adventure, forever dream of personal triumph and joy. This feeling held too much sentiment and weakness to be allowed, but he allowed it nevertheless. This must be how a father feels, looking down on his son, worried about an uncertain future, Obi-Wan thought. would hate to see him fail. But I would hate far more to lose this boy. I would almost rather freeze time here, and freeze myself with it, than face that.” Rogue Planet by Greg Bear.

Obi-wan didn’t want to kill Anakin. he knew it would destroy him but he did because he was pushed to the limit.

Yoda broke the silence at last, saying what they both knew. “Destroy the Sith, we must.” Not just Emperor Palpatine; the Sith. There are always two, a Master and an apprentice. Two of them, and two of us. And one of them is — “Send me to kill the Emperor,” Obi-Wan said. He bowed his head. “I will not kill Anakin.” Yoda gave him a stern look. “To destroy this Lord Sidious, strong enough, you are not.” I know, but — “Anakin’s like my brother,” Obi-Wan said in anguish. “I cannot do this.” “Twisted by the dark side, young Skywalker has become,” Yoda said firmly. “The boy you trained, gone is. Consumed by Darth Vader.” Obi-Wan flinched. “How could it have come to this?” “To question, no time there is.” Yoda started toward the door of the control room. [Patricia C. Wrede’s Revenge of the Sith]

I’m not saying Yoda acted with malice or anything like that. They were desperate and Yoda pushed him into a corner. Obi-wan who had just experienced a terrible traumatic event and who was raised to see Yoda as the wisest being the galaxy didn’t have the time to think things through.  And once he was there it was too late for anything else. there was just too much baggage. Too much pain. 

Mustafar hummed with death behind his back, only a moment away, somewhere out there among the rivers of molten rock. Obi-Wan let Anakin drive him toward it. It was a place, he decided, they should reach together. […] This was not Sith against Jedi. This was not light against dark or good against evil; it had nothing to do with duty or philosophy, religion or morals. It was Anakin against Obi-Wan. Personally. Just the two of them, and the damage they had done to each other. [Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith]

This is why I reject the notion that Anakin and Obi-wan always had this cuddly, sweet, understanding relationship. there was baggage there and it influence Anakin and Obi-wan’s behavior in Mustafar. It’s not matter of love. they both loved each other but the relationship, after everything, was broken. 

“[With Ahsoka] I wanted to develop a character who would help Anakin settle down. He's a wild child after [Attack of the Clones]. He and Obi Wan don't get along.” George Lucas

The Mustafar duel reads like a bad break up. It’s messy, ugly, emotional and both parts walk away hurt. 

[…] Obi-Wan, out on the edge of the collection panel, hunching under a curve of durasteel that splashed aside gouts of lava, deflecting Force blasts and countering strikes from this creature of rage that had been his best friend, suddenly comprehended an unexpectedly profound truth. The man he faced was everything Obi-Wan had devoted his life to destroying: Murderer. Traitor. Fallen Jedi. Lord of the Sith. And here, and now, despite it all … Obi-Wan still loved him. Yoda had said it, flat-out: Allow such attachments to pass out of one’s life, a Jedi must, but Obi-Wan had never let himself understand. He had argued for Anakin, made excuses, covered for him again and again and again; all the while this attachment he denied even feeling had blinded him to the dark path his best friend walked. Obi-Wan knew there was, in the end, only one answer for attachment … He let it go. [Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith]

It’s not an accident that it’s Yoda’s advice that finally makes Obi-wan let go of Anakin. on a broader level both Anakin and Obi-wan are being guide by older mentors and it’s only much later that we find out that both mentors were wrong. That the real solution isn’t greed or detachment: it’s love.

“Love people. That’s basically all Star Wars is.” — George Lucas

Ironically, the key to destroy the Palpatine was never killing Anakin, it was loving him.  Obi-wan’s tragedy is that he was raised to see attachment only as a bad things. he mistook his attachment for Anakin as his excuses, blindness and mistakes and forgot that his attachment also represented their friendship, their loyalty and their love for one another. And, because of his training, he didn’t let go of the bad parts of their relationship...he let go of Anakin, the whole person, completely.

[svnfulmyg]

Molten Gold// JJK

Part 2

Summary: Loneliness is all you felt for a long time, until you began to see the side of your bodyguard who kept his heart close.

Genre: Royalty Au, Bodyguard Au, Angst.. a lot of it, Eventual Smut.

Author’s note: Yaayyyy! Part two! Thank you to all that have read it and like it, it has meant a lot to me.

Word count: 4K

Warning: A little bit of domestic violence. Never okay! Some swearing as well.

Part 1

The Throne room is silent, so much so that you could hear the patter of the rain so clearly, the heavy breaths and trembles of your maids meet your ears regardless of them cowering near the doors. 

Everyone was here to see what awaited you, the silent threat to them all if they were to ever help you try to fulfill what you almost accomplished.

Almost.

Gods, did that leave a sour taste in your mouth, more than the situation at hand right now. You felt it, you touched it.

Freedom.

The king turned a table and let out a growl, your people cowered and tried to muffle their gasps. Scared that their beloved king would turn his rage onto them, all fearing the king in this state, they did not move a inch. Motionless like statues.

You held your head and jut your chin at the poor excuse of a king, but his back was turned to you as he battled his rage from completely taking over. You move your eyes to Jungkook as he holds his perfect posture, his long fingers enclosed over his sword as he looks forward, looking at everything and nothing.

But you aren’t fooled. You see his hand slightly tremble at how tightly he holds the handle, he was on edge.

And rightfully so, he knew his place and his duty, he was to stand and watched the inevitable. Watch the king do as he pleases, deem whatever consequence he would like to over you. His heart constricted, a hand tightening around it and bleeding it out until it no longer had a use or purpose. His heart ached, gods it hurt and scorched to where he could no longer breathe smoothly, his lungs refused to listen to his brain. 

But his duty as a knight, was to be composed, trained to remain stoic and calm-headed. Just as his father trained him, drilled into him, made him.

But you aren’t calm headed! 

He screamed to himself, wanting nothing more than to run out of the throne room, maybe with you flung over his shoulders as he ran. Either way, he could not bare the circumstances and tension seeping through the cold room.

Yunho finally whips his head to you before striding towards your small figure, he loomed over you. Eyes held a sadistic light, anger, betrayal, maybe even a little bit of hurt. But like always, when you seem something human in him, he tries to squash it along with your hope. He lets the anger win.

A slap sounds and echoes through the room, your maids silently cry at the sight of him backhanding you. Lucia holds a hand to her mouth muffling a sob, though you can’t see her she tries to be strong for the other maids and for you. You don’t realize what he had just done to you, until your ears start to ring and you taste copper at the corner of your lip. He was careful not to let his rings cut through your skin. No no no, he couldn’t have that. He couldn’t leave a mark that would be questioned later by his lords, he could not let them have a clue on how little control he had over you.

Your hand comes to soothe the cheek as your tongue wipes the blood from your lip, you look into his eyes as his chest heaves and he looks almost animalistic. He does not move away from you, in fact he leans closer to you and you smell the liquor on his breath. Typical. 

“How many times will you fail your duty?” He blares before grabbing your shoulders and pulls you close to him, you feel his chest rise up and down as he glares at you with so much malice. Gods, he was always so angry.. and for the life of you, you could not understand why? 

For a second, you wonder, what it would’ve been like to be with his brother, who was the actual heir before he was killed. What would he have been like? Would he have loved you properly? Could he have been a person worthy of loving and would he have made you feel full and free? The prince was known to have been courageous and humbling. But could he have been when he had such a monster of a brother? You could not imagine, but then you think of their father, a sweet man, almost reminding of your own father. How could he have such a sadistic son? 

“___! Answer me damn it all!” He shakes you while you thrash against him, you were no match for strength. He shakes you like a doll, and you push on his shoulders. Everyone stares in horror as he pushes you against the wall and grabs your jaw, you stop fighting him and for the first time in the few pitiful years you’ve been married to him you feel fear pool into your limbs. You go still.

All that is heard is heavy breathing from you both as you are forced to stare at him in the eye, he tightens his hold on you. You refuse to make a sound, despite being scared shitless, you will not give him the satisfaction.

Jungkook watches hopelessly, tears pooled into his eyes and he willed himself to hold them back. He felt shame, anger, his fingers flexed on the handle. For a moment, just a moment, he contemplated what it would feel like to see the king’s head roll. To see the blood drip from his sword and to pull you away from the scene and this life, but like always, his duty won over will. He felt shame, so deep in his gut that it made it impossible for him to continue to watch the scene.

“Can you not see the worry you have caused, darling?” He spits out, eyes never straying from you as he brought his face closer, his breath fanning on your lips. You allow him to hold you there, no longer wanting to poke the bear. He has always yelled at you, but this was the first time he ever laid a hand on you. The very thought of him doing it again and no one stopping him sent a shiver down your body. 

“Forgive me, my love, I see how much trouble I have cause. I was not thinking of you, and it was selfish. Please forgive me.” You glare at him but keep your tone light, finally bring your hand over the wrist of the hand that was holding your face in place. He stares at you before an amused smile paints his lips. He finally pushes your face away and lets you go before walking back to the table that was left unturned. He leans on it and turns to you, eyes filled with a dark gleam and a promise.

“It’s okay sweetheart, of course I forgive you. You just caused so much worry in the castle. But I wouldn’t want you or anyone getting hurt looking for you, or do we? Your poor maids, among others, were so worried, it does not seem fair to do that to them. Does it?” He smiles coldly at you, ice pools into your limbs, your heart both sinks and stops. Your maids let out a sob, clutching each other, you turn and a tear escapes you. You could not let innocents be hurt because of your selfishness, your want of something. Maybe it was just never meant to be yours.

Others?

Who else would be harmed? Your eyes zone onto Jungkook, his posture was tense and his knuckles turned white clutching his sword. He refused to meet your eyes, and it dawned on you. He would be harmed as well, for being your bodyguard and having failed to make sure you stayed where you were told. Your stomach dropped as you look at your husband in horror, he smirks at your obvious fear. You walk towards him in slow steps, keeping your eyes on Jungkook, whereas he starts to turn to his side with his head hung low.

He felt nothing but shame, and grief, it churned in his stomach as he took in what was happening in front of him. He saw as you got close to your husband and grabbed his hand, his eyes went to your delicate hand and how much he longed to hold it in his own.

“Of course, I understand. It won’t happen again darling, please forgive me.” He sees you reach up to give him a kiss, and that’s where he could not bare to see it anymore. He turned slowly and walked towards the throne to await the king’s orders. He took his time, dreading having to turn again to see you pulled against the body of his king, the man who was once his friend a long time ago. 

You pull your eyes away from Yunho to glance at your bodyguard, the man you tried so desperately to get him to run away with you. His back faced you, tense as he walked slowly, but it did nothing to stop your longing. Of what? You were not sure, you just knew you craved, pined. His shoulders were tense, square and tired.

You close your eyes, you’ve never felt so alone.

What felt like weeks turned out to be days, you were sent to your chambers and could not step a foot out without many soldiers following your every move. Keeping their distance, but watching you with disdain. It was understanding, they could be found at fault for your actions. That's how the sadistic king would have it.

Their life, or your own.

So you have been in your chambers, that was the only place you didn’t have them watching you. Only your maids and your main bodyguard were allowed in.

Jungkook.

He had yet to come in the four days you were holed up, counting the time and days since that terrible event.

Unknowing to you, he had never left the doors side other than to go to the Yunho’s war chambers. After he would go straight to standing outside, full of agony and self-hatred deep in his bones. He was ashamed of how little he could do to protect you, next to nothing. He could not face you, to see you so caged and a bruise painted the faintest pink on your cheek. It made his blood boil and be filled with shame at the same time, always at turmoil with itself. Neither side giving in to the other, he was in hell in himself.

He walked slowly back from the war chamber, he stopped at his room to take a quick shower. He hadn’t been able to relax himself enough to give himself the luxury, he was always on edge leaving you alone with the other soldiers that had no loyalty ties to you. They did not have it for the king either, but they obeyed out of fear, and a scared man was dangerous.

He pulls his shirt off slowly, it sticks to him from the sweat that drenched the simple tunic. He walked slowly to the mirror and inspected the cut right under his eye, still red and angry. It added to the collection of his scars, accompanying the long faded on a little below on his cheek. Where his father disciplined him for speaking for anything other than his duties as a knight, the one time he spoke on his selfish reasons when he was younger. 

It straightened him out.

He lets the water fall on his broad shoulders, etched by the gods themselves. He knew he was a looker, by the way the maids and diplomat’s wives would silence themselves as he walked in. Sure his bed was warmed by another at times, including some of those wives, but it had never fulfilled the longing.

You, however, you looked at him almost so sinfully while keeping your face stoic, composed. He got a semi-hard at that very moment, you molten eyes heavy on him and it allowed him to see how pleasing to the eye he was for you. It had been the first time you had come to the kingdom from your own.

The ball was on full swing, you were the center of attention as the king at the time, Yunho’s father, announced your wedding to be. Many people scrutinized you to see what your worth as being the future queen, many men impressed and many women envious. You stood alone, waiting for the prince, the person you were betrothed to, to come and find you. You felt so lonely, and like a ray of light, two men appeared to be walking towards you. 

Both dressed very well, and your eyes drew to the handsome man with a stoic face, but it did nothing to take away from his beauty. He was exquisite, in a burgundy shirt and pants the color of soft vanilla. His hair wavy and parted to the side, showing his strong forehead. His neck long and adorned with silver, a little bit of collarbone peeking through his shirt. Gods, he was downright sinful looking. His veiny hands with a single ring, they were long and elegant. For a moment, you dreamed of what they feel like to have them curled in your heat. A pair of beautiful hands instead of your own, bringing you to  the edge of what would be euphoria. You blushed as they stopped in front of you, his dark coffee filled eyes found yours. You remained stoic even as the your slick juices wet your panties, your chest slightly rising more than normal.

He kept his eyes on you as he gave you a silent bow, eyes smouldering and so so sinful.

“Your highness, it is a pleasure to meet you, I present the crowned prince of the kingdom, Yunho. It is a honor to meet you.” His velvet voice exudes confidence and demanded attention to the god of the man. You finally looked to the prince and a twinge of disappointment passed through you, but you pulled a sweet smile onto your face. 

“It is a pleasure to meet my future bride and queen, the honor is mine.” He grabbed your hand and gave it a small kiss before letting it go and giving you a sweet smile. 

Despite the disappointment you felt, you had vowed to yourself to give the marriage all your effort. You just wish you felt something even remotely close to how you felt when you looked at the beautiful man next to him.

He groaned as he remembered the lustful gaze you watched him with, it made him proud, to be the man you got flustered over. It gave him a sliver of pride to see you had met his eyes before the prince himself.��

He turned the water to the cold temperature on, trying to get rid of the blood flow that is going straight to his cock. It was you, just the mere thoughts of you brought him the greatest orgasms. Right now, he couldn’t afford to give in to his temptations, he had to get back to you. To keep a watchful eye on you.

He walked out of the shower and started to put a new pair of clothes on, he brushed his hair back away with his fingers and grabbed his sword and strapped it to his waist. He made his way slowly to the opposite side of the castle with long quick strides. As he rounded the hallway, there were no guards posted at near the room. Dread pooled into his stomach as he looked around, fearing the worst.

Had you tried to escape again? Damn it all. He started running towards the throne room before he looked outside the window and saw you squaring on a soldier outside of your gardens. He started striding that was quickly to try to de escalate the situation.

  You were so tired of looking at the same walls, you wanted to feel the winds in your hair. Maybe there was one other place you could be alone. You started for the doors and pushed past the soldiers stationed outside, knowing they will follow you outside.

You walked through the doors leading outside trying to walked a few feet in front of the soldiers, fighting to get to your destination. You were finally at the edge of the garden when the soldier grabbed your arm, he did not grab it hard just enough for you to stop and started walking in stride with you. You yank your hand away and turn to him, he looked uncomfortable and out of place watching you.

“Leave at once, I want to be alone and I do not want to have to tell you again. Must I remind you that you are not allowed in this garden” You order, squaring your shoulder at him to look at him in the eye.

He looked around with uncertainty swimming in his pupils as he looked around for guidance. He was weighing his options. “Your grace, we have been ordered to-” 

“I have given you a order!” You roar, he slightly shrinks back at the sound of your voice, looking at the ground. You remind them of who their queen is, strong and filled with fire, ruthless when need be. Your words laid heavy on the air, weighing down and the soldiers held their breath. The soldier next to you watched you, each one of you scrutinizing the other, ready to pounce.

“Stand down, we know the rules. We are not to enter this area, I will stand guard. I guarantee she will be brought back to the castle.. or it will be my head.” Jungkook orders, his honeyed voice reaching your ear drums, you turn your head to him but he is looking at his fellow soldiers. It broke the tension in the air.. and in you.

The soldiers relax, leaving one by one leaving you and Jungkook alone in a heavy silence. You were at battle with yourself, feeling both at ease and unease in his presence after what had happened merely a few days ago.

His posture was rigid, leaving the air around them strained, it left you aching. You withheld the urge to reach for him, for someone you have finally seen other than your maids and other soldiers. He avoids looking at you, instead he watched the solders walk back into the castle.

“Jungkook-”

“Please, your highness, continue with your walk through your garden. I will make sure you are not disturbed.” He turned and bowed, his long mane shielding his eyes from you, to shield you from his shame and agony. As he came back to stand at his intimidating height, your eyes fell on the deep cut under his eye. You reach for his elbow and pull him deep into the garden.

Once far in you let him go and turn to face him, “My gods, Jungkook! What happened to your eye, did you get it taken care of?” You pull his face into your hands and bring him low for you to inspect it. He flinches at your soft hands drawing circles under it.

He pulls away as if burned, stepping away to lean on a tree bark. Jungkook contemplated whether he should tell you or keep it buried. He watches you as you slowly bring your hands down from where they held him, he held back the ache and longing of going back to where you held him so softly. He was waging war in himself, but your eyes plead him so softly. He could never help himself when it came to you.

Hell, he’s gone against enemies and never showed mercy. You, however, were a different story, he never won against you. He leans back and watches you lazily, “His majesty hit me and his ring cut me after I suggested something that was not my place.” He murmurs while keeping his eyes at the scenery behind you to keep from conveying his emotions in front of you. He laughs bitterly and stares at the grass beneath his feet. “It was my own stupidity, your highness. If you would please excuse me, I will be waiting for you at the edge.” He bowed and started to turn reluctantly towards the entrance.

He had to leave, soon. His control over himself was waning, his emotions spilling like an overflowed glass, slowly dripping over the edges. If he wasn’t careful, it would be too hard to return back to his neutral state. He had a duty, he had a role. Anything beyond that was not his in this world. Not you, not these feelings that felt ready to spill at any given moment. He was finding it hard to breathe around you lately without wanting to pull you in his embrace, give you everything you deserved. It was completely selfish of him, because in the end, he was nothing but a knight. Who held no power. And could never give you what you wanted and needed.

Hysteria filled your body seeing him turn and leave, maybe it was the fact that you had not seen anyone other than your maids and some guards, but you couldn’t face seeing him leave after what has happened.

You pull his sleeve to stop him, he halts but does not turn to face you. You fight the tears pooling at the edge of your eyes, you fight the need to beg him to stay. To keep you company in this fucked up moment and the days before. But you feel resentment as well, resenting him for showing face in the few days that followed after the incident. He left the maids and other soldiers to clean the mess that was left by the king afterwards. Like always.

“Please,” you let out shakily, closing your eyes trying to collect yourself to save some dignity. “Stay, sir Jeon.” You let go of his sleeve slowly, frightened he would take the opportunity to dash out and leave you to pick yourself up from the rejection from his as well. 

He turned slowly, eyes searching your own. The emotions stripped naked and bare for you to see come undone in those doe, honeyed eyes. All of it, tumbled down and crumbling into nothing. His facade, his barriers and walls, cracked and crumbled until all that was left was his bare, naked feelings. He was tired of it all, fighting against himself, he was exhausted.

You flinched and recoiled a little, pants coming out quickly as you held his unyielding eyes. So much swirling in those beautiful eyes, what color was brown anyway?

You slowly brought your hand to his face, careful of the deep cut under his eye. This time he made no move to escape, he closed his eye and gave in.

Just this once, Jungkook. His heart whispered softly, letting it echo and melt away his fears and he nudged into your hand softly. He knew how he felt, it vibrated in every single one of his bones. And deep down, he knew what you felt, he felt how your eyes unconsciously looked and followed him. He knew what you felt, even if you had yet come to complete realization of what you had for him.

“You know,’ he whispered while keeping his eyes on yours “He was not always like this, the king. There was a time where he would’ve given his life for anyone. He saved me, made me what I am, but he was thrown into this. The crown was never his-”

You hummed and caressed his cheek slowly before bringing your forehead to his and exhaling shakily. You did not care to think of the king. You just wanted to feel and breathe him in. Take everything you could, the things you deprived yourself of because of how hard you fought to never give in.

Just this once. You wanted to feel, wanted to know what it was like. To want and be wanted by another with so much warmth and fever.

“Jungkook, this is where we are. There are no excuses you can make, no matter if he saved you. He is who he is.” 

A bitter laugh passed through his lips, fanning across your own. He reached up and held your face in his hands, giving up whatever fight he had left in him to stop this. To keep himself from getting a little bit of what he wanted.

“I suppose you’re right, __” He murmured your name so softly. Without honorifics, without some dreaded title in front of it. His soft tone pooled in your stomach and you thanked the gods for gifting you the name you were endowed.

He held you close, not pushing his limit. Not going for anything more, because then he would not be able to pull himself back from free falling into it all.

Just this once.

[five-miles-over]

‘Aftermath’ Part 5: Beneath a Moonless Sky (Commodus x OC)

Read Part 1: The Impossible Dream here

Read Part 2: Proud of Your Boy here

Read Part 3: Point of No Return here

Read Part 4: Look Down here

Summary: While in the palace, Caesonia ponders about her own test of courage and fidelity to her father. Meanwhile, Commodus finds himself attracted to his Pink Fairy when he learns about her past.

Warning: angst, obsession, and also a bit of fluff at the end.

People should know when they’ve been conquered, her father used to say. Caesonia looked out of her tiny window, watching the orange and yellow rays fall from the concrete and presumably into the horizon. Of course, when he said those words, he usually referred to Germanic barbarians, not young women.

Caesonia’s fingers dawdled near the cold wall, tracing abstract patterns against the grey material. Didn’t philosophers used to call life one big prison that houses all men? They spoke of a metaphorical one, while she was in a real one.

That wasn’t to say that her prison was akin to a cell in the palace’s dungeon - it was a bit more spacious and she had a blanket to cover herself with. Would you be proud of me, father? Being a dutiful citizen and serving my sentence as I must?, Caesonia thought longingly. Or have I disappointed you being a meek coward this whole time?

All Caesonia had ever wanted was to make her father satisfied to call her his progeny, despite never being the son he so desperately craved for. Perhaps he would’ve agreed that she did the right thing by remaining in her prison day after day. She didn’t seem to be giving the emperor or his guards any sort of trouble, and for a month, all was well.

Yet being the daughter of a general, had she failed the test of courage by never daring to escape her cell? Surely one of bravery would have done so, swearing to defy the emperor’s orders and fight back. The window was small, but she could’ve squeezed through and jumped out of it. Whether she would survive the three-story fall was a secondary question, but at least she would be free.

Ever since that Spaniard gladiator had arrived in the city, it seemed fashionable to defy the emperor - anyone who followed his orders was considered a weakling or a fool. Being a young lady, Caesonia never needed to worry about whom to side with; ever since she’d come of age, her father never encouraged her to delve into politics.

However, things were different now with the recent…change in dynamics. The emperor was back in power, and the Senate now in disarray, but the people were still deciding whom to give their loyalty to. From the conversations she could overhear in her cell, not even the servants were sure of their true allegiance. Only time could truly tell who would win this ultimate battle of leadership.

Her thoughts were adjourned by an announcement from a guard. “The Emperor of Rome is on his way, prisoner!” His declaration was interrupted by a quick slap. “How dare you call her merely a prisoner?” The voice was none other than that of Commodus’s. “She is a lady and must be addressed as such.”

Caesonia straightened herself, adjusting her toga so that she may be presentable before him. She saw him coming towards her, bearing a piece of pink cloth in one of his hands. Narrowing her eyes closer, she recognized it as her pink cloth - it was from the dress she wore to witness the Spaniard fight His Majesty.

The guards parted for him. “Good evening, my lady,” Emperor Commodus lowered his head for her, a rare honor for anyone, let alone a prisoner. “Good evening, your Highness,” she curtsied before him, her lower lip quivering as her eyes met his.

“Do you by any chance know of this, Lady Caesonia?” He offered her the cloth.

“Y-yes,” she stammered. “Yes, it looks similar to a piece of a dress that I own. Except, my cloth was stained with dirt and blood; the one you are holding, Caesar, is clean.”

Commodus, relieved that he truly knew whom his Pink Fairy was, signalled for the guards to let her out into the halls. “I had the laundresses clean it, my lady. Would it displease you if I asked you to walk with me tonight?”

“Not at all, your Highness.”

He hummed in agreement, going outside of the palace and into one of the gardens in the southern wing. Surrounded by various species of roses, narcissi, and gladioli, it was quite the colorful ensemble. And in the center, there was a large fountain with water spouting from a statue of Augustus, the first Roman emperor in history.

It was quite dark, with the sky being surrounded by nothing but black, velvety clouds. Yet, the starlight and the faint glow from the palace was enough luminescence for them to see each other.

The emperor invited her to sit next to him on the marble bench. Noticing her silence, Commodus softly asked her. “Do I scare you, Lady Caesonia?”

“No. This is not the first time we have met, your Highness.”

“Where have we met before?”

“In Germania, Highness. I came along with my father on his battles.”

Commodus raised an eyebrow at the idea of a young girl being brought to a battefield, especially one of nobility. “But why? Surely a girl like you would’ve been entrusted to her mother at home. A battle camp is no place for a young lady.”

Caesonia closed her eyes for a moment. “My mother died during childbirth, Caesar. And I had no siblings.”

“My condolences to your mother,” the emperor nodded.

“Thank you, Caesar,” she forced a small smile.

“Did your father teach you to fight?”

“He did when I was young - until I was twelve, everyone called me Cassius Quintii,” her eyes twinkled under the indigo sky as she narrated. “I was raised as a boy, and I fought like any soldier’s son.”

“And then what happened?”

Caesonia continued, “My armor…my armor became too tight for my chest, and my father knew why. He stopped teaching me, and started leaving me in the company of various ladies present - concubines, noble ladies, and even…” Her voice faltered, hesitating to mention Lady Lucilla.

“My sister, no?” Commodus finished, “She used to leave you in my care and go off to speak with her lover.”

Looking further at Caesonia, the memory suddenly came back to him. When he came to Germania hoping to speak with his father about his succession and eventual coronation, he was given a girl to watch over. It was utterly humiliating, him - a prince - being brought to a battlefield to baby-sit. Until his father’s letter describing the four virtues, he thought there was no clearer of a way for his father to convey his opinion about Commodus.

Caesonia added, “All I’ve wanted was to please my father, but I think he’s still angry that I was never the son he wanted…and that I took away the chance of him having another child.”

“And yet you still plead for his life in court even though he made yours uncomfortable?”

“I love him nonetheless, and I think he deserves to live. Perhaps that was my mistake.” Caesonia looked down, placing her hands in her lap.

His expression softening, Commodus gently stroked her cheek, causing her to turn towards him. With those same fingers, he lifted her chin and brought his lips to hers. Caesonia held his forearm to steady herself as she attempted to reciprocate his kiss, having never experienced such intimacy before. She did not want to be punished for refusing him and she was afraid of angering the emperor with her boldness, but her touch only captivated him.

“You’re perfect,” he whispered, lowering her onto the marble delicately as if she were made of glass. Commodus marveled at her submissiveness, having never felt so much power in his arms as he did in that moment. Her eyelids lowered and her lips parted slightly when he climbed on top of her, the heavy weight of his armor crushing her chest. He captured her lips again, and felt her arms encircle his broad shoulders.

As their kiss deepened, her muted sighs only strengthened a new desire surging through his veins. It was far too different than merely lust, Commodus thought, it was almost a feeling of jealousy, or hunger perhaps. In that moment, he was ready to kill anyone who tried to claim her, or touch her, or snatch her away from him. She needed to be his and only his.

Gasping for air, the two of them broke apart too soon for either’s liking, still lingering in each other’s embrace. It had felt like an eternity passed before the emperor rose from the bench. Commodus suppressed a chuckle as he watched Caesonia’s knees buckle when she tried to stand up. Lovingly, he wrapped the cloth around her neck like a scarf and strode away from the bench. Walking five steps behind him, she followed him out of the garden and into the palace.

The emperor could not help but glance behind as they made their way through the halls. She looked ethereal among the light of the torches. Her smooth hair and her cheekbones called to his fingers, clamoring for his caress. It was taking every fiber of his being not to roughly push her against the palace walls and kiss her again until they were both breathless.

He stopped before another empty bedroom, seemingly much more comfortable, and spoke to the guard, instructing him to keep her here for the time being. “Good night, Lady Caesonia,” he bent down to kiss her hand.

“Good night, Caesar. Thank you for your benevolence,” she nodded in return.

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The next morning, Caesonia rose from her bed to find a plate of pink-bottled perfumes and creams, along with a little rouge, by her bedside. Perhaps a maid must’ve placed it while I slept, she thought. In the midst of the cosmetics, there was a folded piece of parchment. Carefully, she unfolded the note and read,

“If you ever asked me if I’d seen a rose blooming from another rose,

My reply would be yes, for my eyes have been blessed by one of those.

On the night your soft, finely curved lips met mine,

I witnessed your rosy cheeks bloom from that rose-like face of thine.”

[hazebxtch]

The Prettiest Eyes

Summary: Everything you knew was based off of primal rules of nature, the man who owned you was your Alpha and you, the Omega. 

Warnings: Dehumanizing pronouns (It/That), pretty gender neutral, there isn’t a pairing because I didn’t know who to do, descriptions of gore but mild, despite the Alpha/Omega titles not A/B/O, I think thats all

Word Count: 1,641

A/N: Sorry I literally fell off the face of the earth but life happened, I do have a lot of stories in drafts one might be posted on Wednesday if not Thursday. Also I left this one on a cliffhanger kind of so you can just make up your own ending. I’ll try to upload more and not disappear randomly xD. But thank you for sticking with me, enjoy!

They said that eyes are the windows to the soul. You could tell who a person was, what they are, and what they will be. The prettiest eyes belonged to the prettiest people. The ones with a pure soul and conscience, the ones who were confident and knew what they wanted.

So where did that leave you?

You were many things. You were tainted.

You were broken.

You were used.

You were scared.

But you knew what you wanted.

You wanted to be free. Away from the confines of the walls they built, away from the suffocating experiments, the people here were judging you and you knew it. Treated like a toy for their disposal, the only one who gave you an ounce of pity was left bloodied on the floor. Shot down from the very ones they tried to save you from.

Why was it like this? Why would they keep you? Didn't they see that it was hurting you? Shackled down like the monster you were. The black cloth that blackened your vision, but you could see. You could see the outlines of their bodies that surrounded you, some kind of weapon that summoned fire from its mouth. You could feel the metal of the muzzle on your mouth, rusted from old tears. You could hear the door of your confinement squeak open as you turned your head slightly, seeing a familiar body at the entrance.

The scent was there too, they always had that ashen scent with some smoky wood. The others all smelled the same to you, something strong and fuzzy like powder. The same powder that rested within their weapons, some smelled of a nice smell the company of a woman most likely with the flower scent. When was the last time you smelled a flower? Just before the accident perhaps.

Right before she was taken from you.

Stuck in thought of the only smell you loved being taken from you so violently, you didn’t notice the body from the door right in front of you. She said the scent was Vanilla and Cherry Blossoms, what was vanilla? She showed you the thing she called a Cherry Blossom, Sakura, it looked so pretty. She said the color was pink, how many things were pink?

The force of someone yanking your hair brought you out of your thoughts, in front of you was a white blob of sorts. That was his head. Had he been talking to you?

“You worthless dog, you weren’t listening to a thing I was saying, were you?” his voice heavy with venom, you didn’t speak, he would hurt you if you did. So you just shook your head. It was much better being honest with him than anything else.

“I see you’re being more honest lately, maybe all you needed was to see the consequences of your words, huh?” you didn't respond, he already knew the answer. He loved doing this. Seeing you crumble before him, seeing how worthless you realized you were. “Unchain the thing, we have a fight coming up!” he bellowed to the bodies surrounding the room. You bowed your head, lowering your body till you could feel the cold stone, rough against your head. The falling of the chains as the metal hit the ground only to be followed by a clicking sound to the restraint around your neck. That was when you knew it was okay to get up, rising from your knees with your head bowed.

You have been walking for a while, your room was the farthest from the only place you felt free. You knew you were almost there when they took off the restraint around your mouth, hearing the metal clasps loosen their grasp from the straps. They always gave you enough time to stretch your mouth so it didn’t hurt when you went into the ring. At least they were nice enough to do that, but if only your loyalty wasn’t beaten into you maybe you would be walking for different reasons aside from killing something. If only you had met her sooner, your life could be different, you wouldn’t see yourself as they saw you.

You wanted Mama.

She was so nice to you, she always stood up to the master when it came to you. She was the one who taught you words other than the ones based on your submission. Maybe if she didn’t challenge him she could still be alive, maybe if you just obeyed like the underdog you were. However, that is not what happened. Life was not fair, it was never fair, not when you had ugly eyes. You were an unlucky creature but lucky enough for your alpha to keep you alive.

You couldn’t see the lights flickering but you could hear people fighting from the place you were heading. Coming from your reverie you realized something was wrong, you strained your ears to hear farther but you couldn’t make out much. There was a lot of grunting, you could hear things being destroyed, maybe the wall that separated you from the bodies past the barrier. Before you could stop it, the more primal side of you growled loudly. You could feel the eyes on you, watching your every move as you stopped walking, crouching low to the ground you felt claws come from under your nails. “Omega,” his voice bellowed, a command resting at the tip of it. Was he going to make you stay? Was he going to tell you to go find the source?

That was when you heard shouting coming from behind you causing you to whip your head towards the source. Their footsteps were growing closer and closer, you were waiting for him to spit out a command, any command.

“Take care of them, Omega!” that was all you needed before you sped off on all fours. The patting hands turned to the clicking of claws, heavy breaths turned into snarls, the cloth around your eyes still tight on your head as your face elongated into a snout. You knocked down the first body you found, your claws digging into their flesh before being thrown off by another body. Your body rolled once or twice before your claws dug into the solid rock below you. Shaking your body off of any dirt you let out a low growl as you prepared to lunge at the pair.

You ran towards them, baring your teeth to dig into their flesh. The metallic taste was all too familiar, you tasted it every time you went out into the ring. For a while, you were bouncing from attacking one person to the other. Your claws piercing their flesh, your teeth bared down on them. They were faltering, but so were you. A few times, you opened weakness and they spilled your blood, never anything big but enough for it to hurt. You were recovering from another blow when you heard his voice.

“Omega, come to me!” your head snapped towards the direction of his voice before looking back at the two you were previously fighting. Without a second thought you rushed toward his voice, maybe he’ll reward you for being so obedient. Maybe this was a test, this has to be a test. However, the closer you got to your master, the more aware you were of the fallen bodies covered in that familiar mist of powder and flowers. If they have fallen then you know what was happening, and he wanted you to see. The Alpha is being challenged.

You weaved past some of the figures that tried to stop you, who was it that challenged your alpha, your master. Soon there you were, two bodies circling each other one was definitely him while the other scent was unknown to you. “Omega! Protect me!” he bellowed, why did he want your protection? He was being challenged, there is no protection in a challenge. With a short snarl everyone understood why you didn’t pounce into action, even the devil himself understood how this looked to you.

There was no protection when power was challenged. Everyone stilled as you circled around the pair, watching their movements from your limited view, snapping at the ones who grew a little too close to them. Your master never truly thought through his actions, thinking that he would have never been caught. Drilling into your head that you were the Omega, you listened to him, your Alpha. He taught you the most primal things of an animal, the Alpha could be challenged, whoever won this challenge was your new Alpha. No one dared to challenge him and if they did he always won. This was the day he finally lost, cowering beneath the one who showed him who the true top dogs were, the real Alphas. And in that moment, he knew he lost any and all influence he had over you

The leather of your dark skin dully shined under the lights, your claws tapping against the concrete as you walked towards the winner. Your teeth covered in blood from your previous targets now facing him, head hung low ready to pounce if the Hero said so. All in one moment he knows what your victims feel when faced with you, you were ready to bite, to gnaw and break his bones. “T-tell it to stop! T-they’ll listen to you, I swear I’ll tell you anything just tell that thing to back down” there was a long moment of silence as you crept closer, the saliva that dripped from your mouth landing onto his fine fabrics. You could snap his neck if they told you too, you had ugly eyes, it was your duty. He reminded you of that every moment he could when you were younger. The ugly ones spilt the blood, and you believe him.

“Omega…”

[krowfics]

A Spider’s Shadow Chapter 2

Fandom: Warrior cats/Sander Sides

Ships: Prinxiety, Logicality, Dukeceit, (Probably eventual) Remile, otherwise platonic LAMP, familial Creativitwins+Thomas

Plot: Spiderpaw is the sole witness to a murder, due to this, he is no longer safe in Shadowclan. He soon finds himself amongst a group of secret rebels who disagree with the Warrior Code.

Words this chapter: 2643

Notes: Mentions of death and blood, self deprecation, unsympathetic/morally gray Janus, panic attacks, flashbacks, hunting

Chapter 1

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Spiderpaw stopped to see a river in front of him, where was he? He didn’t know but there was something soothing about just walking and thinking, so he bunched up his hind legs and leapt over the steady flow of water seeping into the lake. He managed to pass with it only getting his paws wet, he wasn’t the best at pouncing.

He loved clan life, even if he was distant at times, he didn’t want to be a loner, or worse, a kittypet. But what was left for him in Shadowclan? Clan life, of course, but his mother had just joined his father and littermates in Starclan and his mentor was a murderer. His fellow apprentices were nothing but mean to him and the warriors weren’t much better. The elders had made it clear that he should’ve become a medicine cat, assuming he couldn’t fight as well because of his small body, not that they were wrong. He scoffed at that at the time but now his own inability to fight hurt him much more to think about. If he was bigger, if he was stronger, if he could fight, he would’ve been able to kill Snakeface before he could even let out a hiss.

He stomped forward and into something wet, he hissed as he was forced out of his thoughts by the stream trickling into the lake beside him. He smelled the air. Thunderclan. How far had he traveled? He looked up, he’d certainly left the pine forest but he hadn’t reached Thunderclan's oak trees yet, so why did he smell Thunderclan? He stepped toward the territory and was overwhelmed with a disgusting mix of Riverclan and Windclan, drowning out the scent of Thunderclan completely. In the distance, he could see a twoleg structure, he guessed it was Horseplace from what his clanmates had told him.

He was right on the border of the two clans. He’d walked right past Riverclan and passed the gathering island as well. He’d planned on going to Riverclan. He wasn’t sure why though, would he tell them what happened? Would they believe him? Why was there scent of Thunderclan?

He stepped forward, breathing deep and nearly gagging at the marking’s scent, but he was able to pick up the Thunderclan scent again, just barely. He followed it into Riverclan territory, grimacing as the ground beneath him was wet. Was all Riverclan territory wet like this? It was a disgusting feeling to have to walk on, but he continued on, following the border scents, he lost and found the Thunderclan scent a few times but eventually heard meowing.

No longer needing to focus on smelling, he stepped toward the voices. There were at least two cats mewing happily and laughing. After a moment, he’d heard a third more reserved meow, but it sooned joined in, chuckling at something one of the others said.

Spiderpaw stepped around a shrub that stunk of Riverclan and peered at the cats. As he heard, there were three, he recognized the first two, likely from the one gathering he went to, but gasped at the familiarity of the third. “Lionpaw.” he breathed.

All three cats practically jumped out of their pelts, turning to stare at the unwanted guest with pure fear. But then Lionpaw’s eyes widened, “Spiderpaw!” He exclaimed, almost running forward, “And you weren’t at the last gathering,” The ginger stated, “It’s Lionbright now!”

“Congratulations!” Spiderpaw grinned, instantly temporarily forgetting his woes. Lionbright was his only friend outside of Shadowclan, well really only friend in general, despite having only met one night. When Starkpaw and Talonpaw ditched him at his first and only gathering, only to insult him to the other clans’ apprentices, Lionbright defended him before they’d even met. He then spent the rest of the night with Spiderpaw, talking together after the leaders’ announcements had ended. Lionbright had said it was a sign, not that he’d have any of the medicine cat training to understand a sign, that Starclan had allowed the gathering to continue even though every cat thought it would end early due to Skyclan and Shadowclan’s arguing again. A sign from Starclan that Lionbright and Spiderpaw were meant to be friends. He thought it was silly and impossible for such a thing to happen, but now, he almost believed that it was a sign.

“What are you doing here?” A much more serious voice said from behind his friend.

“Don’t be rude, Riverberry.” The cream cat next to him mewed fondly.

“I’m not being rude.” The dark brown tabby defended, “It is a logical question, what is a Shadowclan cat doing in Riverclan territory?”

“Well whatever it is,” Lionbright turned, “There’s no way he means trouble for us, though I do admit my curiosity has peaked.” He purred, stepping back to his other friends and flicking his tail, inviting the apprentice to follow.

Spiderpaw carefully stepped over the border and jumped over the stream in front of him that had widened from it’s thin line of water near the lake. He pawed toward the group and sat a bit away, closer to Lionbright than the other two.

“So what are you doing all the way over here, kit?” The cream one asked.

His ears pinned back, “I’m not a ‘kit, I’m a ‘paw.”

“Frogleaf calls almost everybody kit,” Lionbright rolled his eyes with a laugh.

Spiderpaw nodded, “Oh.” he said, it was quiet for a moment, they still wanted his answer but he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to believe he could trust these cats, or at least Lionbright, but he also thought he could trust Snakeface, “What are you all doing here?” he said instead.

“He’s deflecting.” Riverberry stated but he was promptly ignored.

“Why, my dear friend, we all have one thing in common!” Lionbright declared, “We think that friends should be able to see each other more than once a moon even if they’re all in different clans.”

“We have other issues with code as well.” Riverberry stated, “Most of mine come from the fact that it can easily be argued against and has contradictions. Reject the soft life of a kittypet but that doesn’t clarify much, challenge all trespassing cats but help a kit no matter their clan, the leader’s word is the code-”

“You can’t have mates in other clans.” Frogleaf cut into the ramble with a sad mew, pressing his cheek against the tom beside him.

“Exactly. I’ve never even heard the warrior code specify not to have mates in other clans, just that our loyalty must be to our own clan first and foremost as we may see our friends in battle, but every leader believes that this means no mates, and because their word is the rules, we have to suffer.”

“Are you saying you’d fight me?” Frogleaf gave a mock shocked gasp.

“Are you saying you wouldn’t?” The serious cat teased back. The two stared at each other for a moment but soon the cream cat was pinning the other down and the two began fighting like kittens.

“I swear, sometimes I feel like a bird’s third wing.” Lionbright laughed at his friends, “How about you? Why’re you here?”

“I was…” Spiderpaw’s mouth was dry, these cats trusted him with information that would surely get them punished if they were found out, he should be able to trust them. He fought to keep his pelt from prickling, he didn’t trust them, “I was taking a walk by the lake when I smelled Thunderclan.” That was technically true. He bit his lip, Snakeface was the one who taught him to avoid the truth like that whenever he was in trouble. They can’t get mad at you for lying if you never technically lie.

“Oh,” Lionbright said, “I didn’t expect anybody to be on lake shore, I was a bit careless.” He sighed, “Well, luckily it was you and not some other cat. I assume you’re not going to tell anybody about this?” He asked, though the answer was clear.

“Not unless I wanna get in a lot of trouble myself.” More trouble than the others could probably fathom, considering he’d have to go and tell a murderer that he’d broken the rules. Lionbright laughed at that, he laughed a lot, the sound put the anxious apprentice’s beating heart at ease. 

The four spoke about everything and nothing. Lionbright had told a story about how he witnessed a squirrel falling out of a tree earlier that day, making itself remarkably easy to catch. Frogleaf talked about how the elders in Riverclan had let their medicine cat apprentice hideout in their den for a nap when he was supposed to be finding birch sap and that Frogleaf covered for him by finding the birch sap himself. Spiderpaw mentioned that the other apprentices stuck him on tick duty again that day. Riverberry reported that his mother was having a second litter, and though he didn’t sound that excited, the others could tell that he was.

Long after Spiderpaw had allowed himself to completely ignore the horrid situation that led to him being there, Riverberry stood suddenly, “We should head back now.”

“Ugh, but it hasn’t been that long.” Lionbright whined.

“It has, unfortunately. We need time to start on our hunt.” He said matter of factly, he turned his attention to the apprentice, “I advise you to hunt as well and perhaps fall into a patch of garlic if you need a stronger scent to cover ours.”

Lionbright’s nose wrinkled at the suggestion, “You have rats in Shadowclan, right?” Spiderpaw nodded, “Just catch one of those and I’m sure your scent will be covered.” Spiderpaw nodded again, biting his tongue on the fact that he wasn’t that much bigger than a rat himself and that they tasted really bad.

Frogleaf pressed his side to Riverberry’s, a solemn expression on his muzzle. Riverberry leaned over and rested his chin on the other cat’s head.

“We’ll take our leave first.” Lionbright said, nudging Spiderpaw to follow him.

“Bye, kits.” Frogleaf purred.

“We’ll discuss our next meeting at the gathering, try not to get in trouble before then.”

“Will do.” Lionbright said.

Spiderpaw begrudgingly stood, “Bye.” he said, following after the Thunderclan warrior. This means he has to go back, but he couldn’t. By now, the future leader could have the entire clan twisted around his claws, going back could mean death.

He walked silently alongside Lionbright, his eyes on the ground below him. Within the time it takes to eat a mouse, they were within three fox lengths of the lake and the stream had once again returned to a steady trickle of water flowing into the lake.

“Well, this is where we must part, dear ‘paw.” Lionbright sighed.

“Yes.” Spiderpaw confirmed but neither made any move to leave, instead the older tom lowered his head to look at Spiderpaw’s eyes.

“Is something wrong?”

There was of course, but what could he say? That he was soon going to be dead? That he needed to leave if he wanted to survive? That he might end up a loner or a kittypet or another star in Silverpelt? Will he join his kin just as his mother had? He flinched, the vision of Nightstar’s body filling his thoughts again.

“Spiderpaw, you need to breathe.”

Spiderpaw looked to his friend, how long had they been standing there? He stared into Lionbright’s vibrant amber eyes for a long moment and tried to slow his breathing.

The ginger tabby spoke again once he calmed a bit, “What’s wrong?”

“My mother’s dead.” His voice cracked into what was barely a whisper, “Snakeface killed her and I think he’s going to kill me.” He shook from finally admitting his fears.

Lionbrights eyes widened with a gasp, “Nightstar’s dead?” Spiderpaw nodded, his breathing quickened. What was he going to do? Where was he going to go?

“You’re not going back there.” Lionbright stated, “You’ll come with me to Thunderclan and we’ll tell Redstar what happened.” He stepped closer, his tail resting on the smaller cat’s shoulders.

Spiderpaw could only stare wide eyed at Lionbright. It seemed so simple, it couldn’t be that simple. “No.” He said, “Do you know how much trouble you’ll be in? We don’t even share borders, you’ll have to tell them that you were near Riverclan.”

“Nonsense,” he stated, “I go on morning hunt almost every day, I decided to hunt near the lake today but was cut off by the scent of Shadowclan.” He crouched down beside Spiderpaw, “I readied myself to attack the intruder” He pounced on nothing, pressing his paws into the sand below him like it was an enemy, “But found that he was within the three fox lengths from the lake that our borders required. And he was just so scared and shaken up that I had to console him, frankly, it’d be wrong of me to leave him there without a safe clan, so I brought him to camp!” He turned dramatically, “Believable?”

Spiderpaw let out a short laugh despite himself, “I guess.” but he couldn’t shake the doubt in his meow.

Lionbright stepped closer, “It’ll be fine, trust me.”

Spiderpaw stared at the tom in front of him, he could trust him, he had to. He nodded, “Thank you.” He said.

“Not at all! I’m just doing what a warrior should.” He grinned.

They stepped quickly around the lake, Spiderpaw following Lionbright’s lead as he seemed to have walked this path many times before. They stayed close to the lake, almost running in order to get to Thunderclan’s camp before sunrise. The scent around them shifted from the rabbit filled mores to the oak forest, they slowed as the scent of Thunderclan became clear.

Lionbright stepped away from the lake and Spiderpaw hesitantly followed, he’d never been to another clan’s camp before, he’d barely ever left Shadowclan’s territory before tonight. Lionbright slowed his pace and rested his tail over Spiderpaw’s shoulders again, “It’ll be okay.” he said quietly.

“Right.” Spiderpaw breathed, wanting to believe him.

“I need to catch something and cover my scent.” He said, “You’ve been wandering around the lake all night so I think your mangled scents are excusable.” He winked, causing the apprentice to relax a bit, “Wait here, I’ll be quick. I’m quite the hunter.” He boasted.

“I’m sure you are.” Spiderpaw rolled his eyes at his friend.

Lionbright vanished into thick bracken moments later. Leaving Spiderpaw to pray to Starclan that no Thunderclan cats would show up to find him alone on their territory. The warrior returned with a robin soon enough, bits of leaves on his fur that helped aid in hiding unwanted scents, “Nice catch.” Spiderpaw said.

“Thank you,” Lionbright gleaned happily, words muffled by feathers.

The two made their way around trees’ roots, bracken patches and the occasional boulder. Spiderpaw took in his surroundings, it was really beautiful. The way the sun made the tops of the trees glow with orange hues against a swirling purple sky. It was no Shadowclan, filled with shadows and pine, but the trees did a good job hiding the light away from the creatures below, the shadows they left would be easy enough to hide in to catch unsuspecting prey. 

The Shadowclan cat breathed in the air, the scent of cats getting stronger the further they walked into the forest, they eventually came upon thorn bushes that smelled so much of Thunderclan that it had to be the camp. 

He pressed himself a bit closer to Lionbright, who once again rested his tail one the smaller tom’s back. The light pressure helped ease the nervous feeling in Spiderpaw’s belly as they approached. There was a tunnel, an opening in the bushes, Lionbright took the lead walking through it and Spiderpaw entered closely behind. Trying to mentally prepare himself for the worst.

~~~

Lionbright=Roman, Riverberry=Logan, Frogleaf=Patton, the main squad’s here~

Fun fact, i got Frogleaf in a name generator and realized it fit Patton and the next thing I knew I’d made all the sides into cats and now here we are

Chapter 3

Tags! @perfectly-princely-emo-nightmare