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bts-hyperfixation · 2 months

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Sensual Synthetics

Tired of your family getting on at you for not having a partner, you drunkenly lament to Taehyung. Your friend suggests you purchase an escort android through his favourite service.

Chapter 1

Chapter Two

Taehyung doesn't return your call for a couple of days.

In the meantime, you and Jimin have fallen into a bit of a routine. He awoke you each morning with an enticing breakfast, seemingly favouring baked goods. After the first two days, you allowed him to go grocery shopping for you to buy necessities. Apparently, he thought necessities meant baking supplies. Not that you were complaining as you munched on perfectly prepared croissants and tarts.

Then he would clean up after himself and try to busy himself with other tasks he thought could be of use. The first couple of days this was useful, like organising your bookshelves and cleaning the blinds. Lately though, he had turned to sorting buttons in your craft drawer and unstuffing and restuffing cushions, anything to keep his idle hands busy when you couldn't think of anything.

If there really was nothing he would pop himself back into the charging pod and power down for a little while. You took this time to look at him shamelessly. While you were definitely becoming more comfortable with his presence, it was still bizarre to see him when he was charging. His eyes revert to their original blue, reminding you of what he really is.

It's almost easy to forget he isn't real when he is working around the house, but moments like this force you back into the reality of who he is... what he is.

Taehyung calls just as your fingers itch towards the lock to wake Jimin up, shocking you out of your thoughts.

"Good afternoon beautiful, I see you tried to call me?" He asks as soon as you answer.

"I tried to call you a week ago asshole..." You point out rolling your eyes.

"Well, I thought I'd give you time to get accustomed to your new lover, didn't realise you would miss me so much so quickly. Do I need to come around and teach robo boy had to keep you... satisfied,"

You can tell by the tone of his voice that he is waggling his eyebrows at the microphone. You contemplate hanging up the phone, but that won't answer any of the questions you have so you resign yourself to a little more teasing. He doesn't disappoint, wasting another few minutes on all the android puns and innuendos he can think of, some of which begrudgingly make you giggle.

"Are you quite finished?" You ask when he finally takes a breath

He goes silent for a moment before confirming he is in fact finished.

"Wonderful, now on to the reason I called. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with him." You admit.

"Well, I'm sure I just gave you some very colourful suggestions."

"Yeah, no, I'm not at all comfortable with that. But like on a regular day-to-day basis, there are only so many things he can do. My house has never been cleaner or more organised and if I leave him charging any longer his batteries are going to break." You lament.

"Then give him a hobby. They can learn new skills reasonably quickly. Or use him for more personal matters. If you're really going to be that uptight about the sex thing then you can always do other things like massages and cuddling, they make great pillows. Also if you really intend to take him to a family function does he know anything about your family yet?" He suggests

"No, I guess not. That's a pretty good idea, I should prepare him to meet my mother. Thanks Tae,"

"You're welcome princess, I'll talk to you soon okay?"

"See you soon," You hang up and toss the phone on the couch.

You spend the next half an hour coming up with all of the information Jimin might possibly need to know in order to survive your family.

Finally ready, and satisfied you'll have something to talk to him about, you open the latch on Jimin's pod and release him back into the world.

"Hello Y/N-ah," He smiles and his cheeks pinch up, almost erasing his eyes completely. "Are you having a good day?" He asks cheerfully.

"Yeah, I mean a pretty average day..." You answer with much less enthusiasm.

"How may I be of service to you?"

"Well, I thought we should talk about the real reason I ordered you in the first place."

"Great, I was wondering why you had hired me. Obviously, I am thrilled to be here, but you seem uncertain." He comments.

You lead him over to the sofa and produce a notebook full of information for him to read. He flips through the pages instantly taking in the information and then waits patiently for you to speak. You relay the conversation you'd had with your mother and how it was an ongoing issue within your family. You didn't mean to go into quite as much detail as you do but you can't stop yourself from monologuing your frustration when you realise what an enraptured audience you have.

He listens intently, offering nods and noises of affirmation in places he deems appropriate. When you do finally calm down he weighs up the information you gave him in order to relay his mission back to you.

"So, if I understood correctly, I was drunkenly purchased to serve as a boyfriend figure to appease your family at an upcoming family gathering?" He questions.

You blush at his use of the word 'drunkenly', but it's not exactly untrue.

"Your mother sounds as if she may be the hardest to please. However, the tone you used to describe your cousins suggests that they are the people you would like to impress the most." He states as if it's obvious.

You don't remember even suggesting any of this was for their benefit. Jimin must see the confusion on your face and clarifies.

"The octave of your voice went a few notches higher, suggesting discomfort when you spoke of them and their relationships. It made it seem as though you might want to show off for them. Am I wrong in my assumption?"

You think about it for a moment.

"I guess you aren't. It would be nice to not be labelled as the single cousin for once," You think.

"Noted. Now I think I have enough information to 'survive' your family as you have put it. But what about you?"

"What about me?"

"If I am to act in place of a partner, I should know more about you right? I don't think your family will be impressed if I only know the order of the socks in your drawer and how you like your shirts ironed," He points out as if the thought should've been obvious.

And maybe it should've been.

"I'm not sure where to start with information about me. Normally when you date someone the information comes out naturally on dates, you know by spending time together?"

"Then perhaps we should go on a date! That sounds like the best way for me to get to know you, and from what I know they sound like fun!"

"You can have fun?" You state, confused.

"I can experience many emotions," He nods.

"Seems like there might be a lot for me to learn about you too, maybe a date's not a bad idea after all..."

________________________________

Your date ends up being a walk around the neighbourhood.

You show Jimin the area you live in and he listens to each anecdote you tell him as if they are the most interesting stories he has ever heard. In return he occasionally talks about aspects of human life he has thought about and researched in the time you've left him to be by himself.

You feel a little guilty for all his free time when you realise one of those emotions he can feel is boredom, but he reassures you that he finds ways to occupy himself by searching the web while he is idle, much like a human would.

He talks about the things he has researched with such passion that you forget these interests have existed for only a few weeks and not an entire lived lifetime.

You don't notice when his hand slips into yours as you lean towards the duck pond, your arms swinging together as you continue through the parkland around the corner from your apartment.

"So, is this a typical date activity? The articles I scanned suggested we share a meal or maybe watch something?"

"Sometimes people go to restaurants or the cinema... Dates tend to take a lot of different forms. I like this, it's low commitment." You shrug.

"Low commitment? But we already live together, I was under the impression that was very committed"

You blush and stutter for a response, only to turn and find him chuckling at you.

"You're not funny," You nudge against his shoulder.

"Your clearly flustered response suggests otherwise." He notes, studying you.

"Shut up, it does not..." You grumble.

"Oh? Am I wrong? Then perhaps my programming needs an update?"

He looks puzzled that his joke didn't land and you just shake your head smiling fondly.

"Come on, I think it's time to head home I still have some work I need to complete today."

He nods and pulls you by the hand, leading you a much faster way back to the apartment that you had never seen before.

Masterlist

#jimin fic #jimin smut #bts fic #bts smut #android jimin #robot jimin #android au

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vidavalor · 2 months

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Ok, your meta where you talk about what Dagon's saying about Satan and Crowley and the appetizers has gutted me like a fish (that pun feels wrong 😁) Do you see other scenes that are about this in the show? I think you're right about it and I'm just wanting to pick your brain on the topic because I think it makes the story even better if it is talking about stuff like SA.

Hi! Thanks for reading. 💕I really appreciated the pun actually lol as it's a tough topic and good to have a laugh in there. I wrote a post about parallels between Crowley and Satan and Nina and Lindsay that I'll link below but I do see it in other scenes that I haven't mentioned yet as well, including a scene with Mrs. Sandwich and the Discorporated!Aziraphale scene...

TW: discussion of SA under the cut.

One scene I see it in is this actually this one:

As they're getting ready to go face the demons-- led by devout Satanist Shax-- Crowley asks Mrs. Sandwich if she "has her hat pin." Crowley isn't under the 19th century spell that everyone else has been at times during The Ball but he's referencing the one thing from that era that Mrs. Sandwich will get, likely whether she is still under the magical influence or not. Hatpins were banned in England during the suffragette movement in that era as they were the most common thing a woman could carry on her person that she could use as a weapon to fend off sexual assault-- and many women were doing just that. The men who held the government positions and the power sought to outlaw them to "protect themselves" from women by doing this and led to women carrying weapons more surreptitiously-- like hiding a knife in their stockings, etc..

Mrs. Sandwich owns a bordello and is a sex worker and the odds of her not being a sexual assault survivor herself are slim to none. Crowley accurately determines that she's the person in the room best qualified to back him up and he wants her close so he can make sure she doesn't get hurt because he cares about her. Mrs. Sandwich is wearing a hat that is pinned into her hair so she is carrying a literal hat pin but Crowley's question is really asking her if she's otherwise armed-- and ready for this-- to which Mrs. Sandwich replies that she's "got more than that, love." She's got Crowley's back. Who is best equipped to fight The Devil? The ones who already have won a few rounds, like Crowley and Mrs. Sandwich.

There's also this bit from S1 about Crowley and Lucifer/Satan, especially if you take into account how euphemistically food is used in the show:

Yes, Crowley is drunk but it's been the case across a few scenes that there's often a lot of truth in what he's saying when he's off his head. "The food hadn't been that good lately..." He's basically saying he was bored and lonely and depressed and so was vulnerable to Lucifer's initial attentions and what Crowley thought was some sex and some new friends wound up an abusive boyfriend and eternal damnation.

The rest of this scene is Discorporated!Aziraphale appearing to Crowley and it helps illustrate why the first part of it begins with Crowley talking about Satan-- it's to continue to draw a very deliberate contrast between Satan and Aziraphale. Aziraphale shows up and the topic becomes how Aziraphale needs to possess someone to get a body temporarily and get to Tadfield. The prior time in the series at this point that we saw someone possessed was when Satan attacked Crowley. Crowley and Aziraphale are the exact opposite of that in this scene, which is, ultimately, about consent. Aziraphale won't possess Crowley and is, instead, searching diligently for a receptive body-- a person willing to let him possess them. Aziraphale's jokes are sexual innuendo relating to his own lack of a body rather than an actual request to possess him. Lucifer is literally possessive, while Aziraphale is not, and would not break Crowley's trust by violating him.

#ineffable husbands #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #good omens meta #aziracrow #good omens 2 #tw sa #tw trauma #tw ptsd

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useless-catalanfacts · 5 months

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Photos: quinto being played in Sant Cugat del Vallès (Barcelona Metropolitan Area, Catalonia). Photos from Tot Sant Cugat. Close up to the numbers carton taken in Sabadell (BMA, Catalonia), by Óscar Espinosa for Diari Sabadell.

On the evening and night of Christmas (December 25th), Saint Stephen (December 26th), and sometimes more days around it, many people in the Catalan Countries will be playing a very fun game called quinto, quina, plena, rifla or loteria vella, depending on the area. To summarize it, it could be described as an unhinged traditional kind of bingo, but words can't do it justice.

Social centres (social centres are a big thing here) and other organizations set up the game, which is attended by many people of all ages. When you come in, you pick up a carton with numbers for yourself (each carton has all numbers from 1 to 90 but organized differently) and a handful of dry beans for the table. A person known as "the parrot" (el lloro) will pull out balls with numbers from a bottle basket or a hollow dry squash, but for many numbers he will not say the number, he will refer to it in a cryptic way, through a rhyme, an idiom, a pun or a joke. Each town or area has their own way of naming each number, some of which require the players to sing back or complete the sentence. Here are a few examples of how the "parrot" can say the number 1:

el més menut ("the smallest one"), to which the players shout back to the "parrot" el teu canut! ("your wallet!")

la més petita ("the smallest one"), to which the players say to the "parrot" la teva! ("yours!", you can guess what the innuendo is)

el més petit de tots ("the smallest of them all"), to which the players sing back tocava la trompeta ("played the trumpet"). This is part of a traditional Catalan song about kids who were sent to war.

Cap d'Any ("New Year's Day")

és tot sol ("he's alone")

el primer de mil ("the first of a thousand")

el primer ("the first one"), to which the players reply el Barça! (Barça is Barcelona's football club, meaning it's on top of the charts, the best club)

The rest of numbers follow the same idea. A few more examples:

2: un dos ("a two", said the same way as "one two"), to which the players say tres quatre ("three four").

6: el sis ("the six", pronounced the same as "please, stand up" in formal you), followed by the players' reply alci's vostè ("YOU stand up").

8: un que és vuit/buit ("one that is eight" which is pronounced the same as "one that is empty"), followed by the players' reply el teu cap! ("your head!) or el teu llit! ("your bed!").

2: un aneguet ("a little duck"). 22: dos aneguets ("two little ducks").

4: una cadireta ("a little chair"). 44: dues cadiretes ("two little chairs").

75: l'any que va morir el Paquito ("the year Paquito died", in reference to 1975, year when the despised dictator Francisco Franco died. Paquito is a diminutive of Francisco, here used to ridiculize him)

90: pelat l'avi (all multiples of 10 are called pelat, this one is "pelat the grandpa").

The number of the day of each festivity: 17 is Sant Antoni, 23 is Sant Jordi, 28 is els sants innocents ("holy innocent's", 28th december), etc. 25 is sang el 25 de desembre (December 25th) with the players singing fum, fum, fum (lyrics of a famous Catalan Christmas carol).

Every time a number ends in 1 (21, 31, 41, etc), the players say in a high pitched voice "uuuu uuuuu!"

The list would be never ending if we could see what is said in every town. Some "parrots" might also add some new way of saying it according to some common reference for the people of the town, or even a historical event (I've seen some refer to 23 as "todo el mundo al suelo!", Spanish sentence meaning "everyone to the ground!" which was said by Tejero in the 23rd February 1981 failed coup d'etat).

As you see, there's many things to remember, and the "parrot" sings quite quickly, so you're always busy placing the dry beans on top of the numbers that have been said, trying to get a line or a square. Whoever gets it will shout línia! ("line!") or pleno! ("full!"), and their carton will be taken to the "parrot" to check if they did it right. If it's correct, this person will win the prize (usually consisting on a basket with products donated by local shops as well as the money being played), and then the rest of players might whistle and shoot dry beans at the winner, especially if they or their surroundings have already won a previous round.

But, as if the players didn't have enough things to be busy with, at any moment they can shout more things at the "parrot":

If you have only one number left: busca-me-la! ("search it for me!").

Or you can be more specific with what you need: una de petita! ("a small one!"), una de gran! ("a large one!"), i els vuitantes? ("what about the 80s?"), petits a dormir ("the little ones, bedtime" if you don't want small numbers)...

If numbers that end with the same show up on a row: remena! (shake it!) or remena, nena! ("shake it, baby!", in reference to a famous 1930s song).

If the "parrot" is not saying any good numbers for you or has been the same person for a long time: canvi de lloro! ("change the parrot!") clapping or banging the table three times, said repeatedly. It can be a joke just to say it's not working for you, or if more people join and if the clamor is sang by many players, the person who says the numbers will change.

You can also shout things that rhyme with the number that has just been said, for example: dos! - que n'ets, de gos! ("2!" - "you're such a dog"), set! - tira't un pet! ("7!" - "fart!")

These are only a small percentage of the sentences said, and many jokes and puns can't be translated outside of the Catalan language. It's difficult to explain how fun this game is and how unhinged it can get in some occasions, but I hope you could imagine it with this explanation.

Merry Christmas! Bon Nadal!

#tradicions #nadal #quinto #quina #catalunya #catalunya nord #país valencià #christmas traditions #christmas #games #gaming #català #catalan #cultures #culture #anthropology #ethnography #the more you know #puns

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peskybedtime · 6 months

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Disguise and Gals Chapter Two - The Dinner

Chapter 2 - The Dinner on AO3

Our Thanksgiving gift (curse?) for you all...

Summary: Jeanne shows Elvis a little Southern hospitality with a home-cooked feast, but an unexpected guest turns the tables on their evening.

Notes: This is the second and final chapter of our Elvis x Jeanne Carmen series. @shakerattlescroll and I are quite proud of this one, and it's going to be so hard to leave these two behind. There's a little more Eyes Wide Shut inspo, but it's not as direct as last time. Also, how to put this... shit gets weird, y'all! If the thought of combining food and sex makes you want to vomit like Elvis did in chapter 1, best to just scroll right past. And, not to give too much away, but it is also much darker than the first installment and does not end on such a high note. So, if you're looking for bubblegum feel-good-times this is not the story for you. But to all our fellow freaks and deviants, we hope you enjoy!

Ratings: Mature/NSFW/No Minors

Warnings: Sex, kinky food stuff, mentions of old-timey contraceptives and back alley abortions, drug use, shameless food puns/innuendo.

We are so grateful to everyone in this community! Taglist: @thatbanditqueen @whositmcwhatsit @arrolyn1114 @be-my-ally @missmaywemeetagain @ellie-24 @vintageshanny @lookingforrainbows @from-memphis-with-love @powerofelvis @dkayfixates @precious-lil-scoundrel @karel-in-wonderland @elvisalltheway101 @deniseinmn @ashtag6887 @doll-elvis @ooihcnoiwlerh @literally-just-elvis-fics @richardslady121

#elvis presley #elvis fanfic #elvis presley fanfiction #elvis smut #50s elvis #hots with historical plots #jeanne carmen is everything #happy smutty thanksgiving #gobble gobble

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koskela-knights · 6 months

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Dating Ilmo HCs

Silly ideas and thoughts to feed the soul 🥰

Ilmo is surprisingly nervous about the first date because honestly, he doesn't have much experience in the dating field due to living in Watery & running basically the entire town which leaves little time for romantic getaways

Gets really excited when you ask him about his projects (you probably have to shut him up with a kiss or something)

Will ask Jaakko for relation advice (and probably ignores said advice 50/50)

He will take you to Coffee World for free, treats you like a VIP and lets you ride all the attractions you want (including him)

Has a bunch of pick-up lines involving puns

Can be competitive so if you're playing a game, he won't let you win easily

If you go hiking and it gets cold, he lets you have his jacket and will cuddle to keep you warm. Will also do that regardless of the temperature

Likes to show off the area on his motorcycle

Almost immediately introduces you to his brother. He is very proud of him so when he leads you around Watery and Coffee World, he will often go like: "See this building? Jaakko helped repair the entire roof" or "If it wasn't for my brother, this attraction wouldn't be here nor would it be as successful as it is today"

Other dates would include visiting the sauna, fishing, going to the Suomi Hall to watch Ahti and the Janitors (He'd ask Ahti for a special request) and drink some beer, Ahma beer of course, at his place

Would dedicate an entire float just to you

NSFW BELOW the cut

NSFW Ideas just becos I can

Ilmo "the cap stays on during sex" Koskela (half joking)

Might get flustered the first time but is able to regain that confident attitude

He is probably touch starved so it might be rly easy to tease him

Likes missionary or any position that makes him able to look at your face and eyes

Can become very vocal in bed if you press the right buttons (I mean his voice is just 🥵)

Wouldn't shy away from an outdoor quickie 😈 during daytime ofc (imagine all the possibilities/locations or maybe I’m that desperate)

Loves to make innuendos to get you flustered. He can be a cheeky and dorky tease

Would probably use emojis to sext if he knew that sexting was a thing

#my posts #my ramblings #ilmo koskela #alan wake 2 #might be ooc but this is self indulgent anyways #he is so 😍 he is a dork awkward confident all in one #i need him carnally #oops thirst post #me thinking about both cute dates and thinking what those hands can do #my hcs

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threadsun · 11 months

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Um, Sun, did you LISTEN to that new SDJ audio on patreon?!? Jack’s dirty talk, him saying that he wants to fills us up, ordering us to not waste a drop of his cum, M/C being referred to as a perfect slutty little sundrop, the GROWL!? SO HOT! Idk about you, but that whole audio of Jack jacking off (pun intended) puts a WHOLE new perspective on how he is in bed. Sure, we had that praising, cuddly talk in the yes route of the game that is similar to how the birds and the bees would be discussed with a child, but this MFER was pulling out all the stops (him saying cock, cum, slutty, etc.) which means that he ABSOLUTELY can degrade the hell out of us with filthy dirty talk. Praise mixed with degradation? Yes PLEASE! But now I’ve got to hear MORE of that side of Jack instead of the innuendos he was using in the demo. How do you think that would go with m/c if he got more comfortable showing that side of himself? I mean, his bdsm test DID say he was a exhibitionist, primal(hunter), dominant, degrader, AND a sadist, so that domineering side is definitely strong in this one! (Of course I know there’s others, but I can’t pull them all from the top of my head lol)

Of COURSE I listened to it!!! Every part about it was So Good...

But absolutely, I think there's a lot more to Jack sexually than what we've seen in the game! I haven't seen the bdsm test results (were they in the patreon discord server? Cause Moon and I aren't part of that...) but those all sound about right imo!

I think that Jack would very much want to ease his Sunshine into his kinks, and would of course respect their limits (when it comes to the game. In fic, well... that's our choice :3c). But I think the more up for things Sunshine seems, the more he'd gently push them towards what he wants. And if his Sunshine is kinky themself, well he'd want nothing more than to indulge them too~

I definitely think that his main goal is his Sunshine's pleasure, so I don't think he'd bring it up if he thought it would make them uncomfortable. At least, not outside of sex. There's definitely always the chance he could let something slip in the moment. Calling Sunshine his perfect little whore or telling them to keep their voice down unless they want everyone to see what a cockdrunk slut they are for him.

Even though he'd be happy with any Sunshine, he would obviously be the most sexually satisfied with a Sunshine whose kinks aligned with his own. Someone who could keep up with his needs, and wants to do so. A masochist who likes being degraded and manhandled and everything.

I've seen a lot of people complaining about his kinks, which like... rubs me the wrong way. They don't have to be your kinks, but to complain about creators giving their characters kinks just because you're not into them? Kinda entitled imo. Especially since they make it clear that Jack wouldn't do anything you didn't want him to.

If they removed every kink and sexual thing that not everyone was into, there'd be no sex or kink at all, which would make the whole game entirely different (and worse imo). It kinda goes back to the stuff I was talking about yesterday wrt competing access needs and creating content for yourself rather than scrubbing it free of all details so it's palatable to everyone but completely boring.

ANYWAY back on track with the ask, I definitely think that Jack will pull out his dominant side the moment he's sure Sunshine is okay with it. His dirty talk game is strong and he clearly has a thing for talking dirty as well.

Also like... one thing that really stuck out to me was him talking about aftercare while still touching himself. Like idk something about that was so sweet to me? That even in his rougher sexual fantasies, he still gets off on the idea of taking care of his Sunshine afterwards too. Like to him that's part of what makes it sexy, rather than just a boring chore he has to do afterwards.

Jack is absolutely the type to have the roughest, filthiest, most disrespectful sex and then take care of you so sweetly afterwards. And then maybe get hard again while he's caring for you. Which is very sexy of him imo.

#sunshine #asks #at all times I'm scruffing myself by the collar and scolding myself not to be a petty bitch #but dear lord some of the things I see people in the fandom saying makes me wanna scream

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runthepockets · 5 months

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I like how all encompassing Soldier Boy and Homelander are of Baby Boomer and Gen X masculinity. Everything Soldier Boy says is some graphic, unwarrented sex pun or innuendo, all delivered with a dismissive attitude. He bullies and belittles everyone who annoys and inconveniences him (and if you've ever met a Baby Boomer male, that's pretty much everyone), everything about him has a thin layer of defensiveness dripping all over it, and, of course, he thinks feelings are for pussies. His immediate response to seeing his biological son try to appeal to him for approval, in a way that any boy or man tries to appeal to and relate to his father, is "well, guess I gotta put you down now. Bitch." The guy was also a major tool in the racism fueled "war on drugs" endemic, much to the emotional and physical cost of one of the main characters. Pretty much his only redeeming qualities are that he wants aforementioned son dead as much as the main crew, and that when he speaks of women in that chauvanistic "I fuck girls, I don't love them" way, he's pretty much exclusively talking about women his own age, if not older.

Homelander, meanwhile, tries very hard to maintain the image of "wholesome" masculinity, in that way a lot of "successful" Gen X'ers try to; he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't do hookups or have random sexual endeavors* (*dude is a rapist despite all this, which is 80x worse than just being a slut who has a ton of kinky, consensual sex like the rest of the heroes do, but again, he's a wholesome American role model, earns the 1% a lot of money, and especially placates the white supremacist demographic, so.) This wins him a lot of favor with the more traditional suburban white American demographic. But every time he tries to do the stony machismo thing, he fails miserably. For all of Soldier Boys faults, his performance of masculinity seems to very earnestly align with his beliefs, even if they're all hogwash. Homelander meanwhile, just wants others to like him a lot. There's nothing behind the eyes and everyone can tell after being alone in a room with him for 4 seconds. He makes weird faces when you try to talk to him about anything outside of business, and stands around like a Mii in a plaza when he's not in the public spotlight. He's egotistical, manipulative, he throws tantrums, he's so vein that he only collaberates with white supremacists because they fuel his ego. When they start spewing their "white people are gonna be the minority in a couple of years" crap, he cringes and starts trying to turn the conversation back to himself. He brings out the worst of humanity by adhereing to this image of rugged individualist, materialist, competitive patriarchy that so many guys are prone to falling into.

It's a really fascinating thing to see as an outsider looking in, and I think it's a really good metaphor. When I speak to (most) white men old enough to be my grandfather for long enough, it feels like talking to Soldier Boy. When I speak to (most) white men old enough to be my stepdad for long enough, it feels like talking to Homelander. I mean, if you're the 90% of Americans who aren't straight, white, upper class men, you've seen how fixated this country is on uplifting and plastering successful men of those demographics anywhere and everywhere, much to the detriment of the rest of us (which The Boys also goes into, through the periphery of a bunch of characters rather than just a singular token character. Even the one rich black guy is clearly going through a lot of shit and gets fucked over and targeted in ways that his white peers don't), but I've yet to see a show that balances that so well with the idea that these guys are also severely fucked up, unhappy, and undisciplined individuals. Like, I think if anyone was basically born and treated as a labrat throughout their formative years, and then expected to just be the forefront of every major pop cultural movement, with no affection or emotional check ins the way Homelander is, they'd probably also be the same degree of "malfunctioning cyborg trying to win the broader public's opinion" that he is. There's also no way Soldier Boy is happy blowing through other human beings like cigarettes, being alone with himself after the cool action movie stuff is no longer necessary and the cameras turn off. Again, though, a lot of us go days without eating, and can't leave the house without being sexually harrassed, or experiencing some sort of microagression, and those guys also really like killing people for fun, so like. Tough titties. Change your habits or you are going to pass away.

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thenightmarketofdathomir · 2 years

Text

Dathomir's Champion [Savage Opress x You]

Every time you take off Savage's pants it's a little Life Day celebration.

Pairing: Savage Opress x Reader (AFAB) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Oral (giving), size kink, p in v (mention), alien physiology, horrible innuendos and bad puns but we're laughing about it Word Count: 1,448

The thing about former Nightbrothers and their training regimens is that they often strip down to the waist, favouring the same soft-woven pants in a natural fabric that are bound up by wrappings that cut off at the knee, and that are cinched together with a drawstring. No hard parts like buttons. No zippers. Light as anything because of Dathomir's heat and humidity.

They often go shirtless. It's more convenient, granted, but it's also a show of effort: all that hard work's nice to show off, sure, but in a lot of ways they're measuring each other's physical physique against one another -- dominant culture, right? Just showing off who's stronger. Nice to watch if you're spectating... All that flexing.

So what if someone flourishes their duskblade a little too much? If you're here for a show, they give you one: demonstrations of skill, prowess, and endurance are favoured among the Nightbrothers, but most especially combat, maybe a demonstration of martial prowess if you're fortunate... but the important thing is that they all come back glistening from the effort, and a little charged for it: nothing like a good scrap to get the blood pumping, but if Savage is in the arena, they're all putting effort to show him up. He's the reigning champion of these bouts after all, and someone undefeated like him gets the preferential treatment... and the private locker.

(Unwrap that present below the cut. 🍆)

The thing about former Nightbrothers and their training regimens is that they often strip down to the waist, favouring the same soft of soft-woven pants in a natural fabric that are bound up by wrappings that cut off at the knee, and that are cinched together with a drawstring. No hard parts like buttons. No zippers. Light as anything because of Dathomir's heat and humidity.

He gives you that private, knowing smirk when you show up unannounced again. It's not the first time that you've followed him back, locking the door after you with an audible snap. You've brought no offerings like his other admirers -- no tokens of affection or demands for his attention. Maybe that's what he likes about you: when you show up, it's because the Champion of Dathomir deserves a little extra care after a hard day's work.

"No spear today?" is an innocent enough question, but if there's an undercurrent to it, he relishes your amusement.

He's shirtless, dewy with so little effort, his thumbs hooked into his waistband.

"That's a loaded question," he answers. "Why don't you come here and find out for yourself."

The thing is you can see it already: those trousers leave so little to the imagination, and while Savage might've been bred to be a weapon, there's something that renders absolute destruction better than whatever he does in the gauntlet right there between his legs. You might be overly familiar, but this is part of the sport: the teasing, the suggestion, and the poorly concealed innuendo that leads you to sit the bench before him -- not on your knees, because regardless how tall you are, he towers over you, and you want to be able to reach. Besides, there's only so much dignity you can muster when you pull his hands away from that column that tents the front of his pants just by hanging there flacid.

"Spread your legs a little farther," he murmurs, but he's smiling, teasing: his shoulders tipped against the locker. So you tell him bluntly before he gets ahead of himself -- your hands running up his thighs to the drawstring like water, feeling that hard muscle under your palms as his stomach tightens and he grunts when you brush him --

"I'm in charge here. Keep your hands where I can see them until I say so."

But he chuckles, and defers to your direction, quipping gently as he tilts his head down to watch you: "You can't talk with your mouth full."

You mutter, tugging apart the little knot that's making you impatient and pulling the drawstring loose:

"I'll be rude."

The fabric folds open, and you pull back two layers -- the bald stretch of skin that's been tattooed and the descending diamond tattoos over his ridges.

Savage's cock bounces when you release him: a stack of ripples, four in measure, each two inches apart and formidable; already stiffening and flaring around the head at the touch of your breath. The thick vein that runs the length of him pulses, but for a second all you can do is admire him: the girth, of course, but mostly the response to your attention. He gets hard when you look at him.

"Don't be intimidated."

You arch an eyebrow at him. Clearly, his brothers have been educating him in troll energy. He grins.

So you wrap your fingers around him at the root, fingertips brushing his ballsack, your eyes on him as you purse your lips and you give him a gentle but insistent squeeze so that he stiffens. So that he makes fists. So that the length of him, resting against your forearm, thickens so much you can't close your fingers around him.

"Temptress."

You preen at the nickname. He's feeling sentimental today. Yesterday, he called you, "Cock tease." So you'd sucked him until he was blue in the face as a warning. Today, you think, if he's better behaved, he'll get a little something extra.

But you know Savage: he's already lifted his arms over his head, showing off that rock-hard, rippling torso in an effort not to touch you when you touch your tongue to the tip: sighing over the silky, smooth head and licking at the droplet of pre-come he's made you like the pretty little pearl that it is.

The noise he makes is gutteral, and he grips the locker over his head like it's a lifeline when you lick under his frenulum, massaging the little juncture where the flesh flattens, letting his head bump your lips. He's smooth. A little salty. A little sweet.

Your hands delve into his trousers, pushing them farther down his legs to better appreciate all of him, doing your best to get him wet, to get him sloppy, to make him want things he tries to restrain himself from.

"That's unkind," he manages.

But really, aren't you doing the nicest thing? Rolling your eyes up to him to watch his expression shift as you pull him forward into your mouth with your hands on his hips and you breathe out your nose and you take back half of him in a gulp that stretches your jaw and leaves your chin wet when you bob on him, trying to train your tongue into submission even if he's too big to swallow. You've got to sip at him. Take him apart in pieces. So you claw into his legs and choke back another inch just to make his hips twitch, and it's a good feeling -- being able to bring the big guy down to size like this.

Savage drags his hands down his face, blinking hard into the brazier light as you cup his testicals. They're so big they spill out of your grip, but he stiffens, going misty as he watches you work on him.

"Don't gag," he tells you, but his tone has shifted. Less teasing. More concentration. "I'll fill you up in other ways if you want me to."

That's sweet, you think. But the question remains: how far do you have to push him before he rails you?

You're watching him as you spread your knees for him, bracketing him in as the sound of your mouth mingle with your moans, and he gives up: those heavy hands, claw-tipped and sharp, cup your face with a tenderness that's unrivalled while you suck him off. A thumb brushes your cheek -- careful not to scrape you -- his callouses rasping against your skin, your grip on him punishing but he barely feels it: all his focus is turned to the connection point between you; a hard set to his features as you open for him wider, trying so hard to polish him off but not quite making it.

"Don't you dare," he warns, but that bronze cast to his gaze is the warning you needed as your fingers delve into your folds.

The noise Savage makes is gutteral, the ripple of his cock ridges over your lips so sharp and fast that you gasp as he tears from you.

Your ass leaves the bench.

You see the ceiling.

You see the floor.

You feel the strength of that heavy hand as he wraps around the back of your neck, bracing your spine, the backs of your thighs brushing his kneecaps, and for a moment, you're drowning in the heat of the largest, heaviest Zabrak as he pulls you onto his lap and folds you into his arms; his hot breath in your ear muttering as he drags you down on his cock, stuffing you with a final, punctuating grunt: "I keep my spear in my pants. Thank you for polishing it for me, but this is a better sheathe.”

#Savage Opress #Savage Opress x Reader #Savage Opress x You #cw: size kink #Nightbrother #Dathomir #Savage Opress Headcanons #Savage Opress Smut #Nightbrother Headcanons #Nightbrother Culture #Zabrak Martial Traditions #Zabrak #AFAB Reader

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beautifulpersonpeach · 10 months

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been lurking on your blog for a while and i find your new jeans write ups interesting. it's like the cookie song doesn't bother you so you're okay with it?

***

Hi Anon,

Story Time

Some years back, I moved to the US for work. I'd learned English at a young age, lived and worked with English-speakers and thought myself to be very fluent. Anyway, one day I had a business proposal put in front of my desk. I won't explain what exactly the product was, but the long and short of it is that at some point during the brainstorming session, "two girls one xyz" became the catchiest, most fitting tagline. My team had a good mix of old and young people who came from diverse backgrounds. We could all speak English and considered ourselves well versed in slang, but nobody in the team caught the reference until 2 weeks before launch, when in one of the campaigns, it sounded like "two girls one cup".

Now, for anyone who doesn't know what that phrase is, don't bother googling it. The gist is, I quickly learned that in America, you never say "two girls one cup". At least not in public. Everywhere else, this line doesn't mean anything, but in America and certain online communities, it means everything. By the time we found out, it was too late to revamp the campaign to change it, so we instead tweaked it to become a bit quirkier so those who caught the reference won't be totally put off by it. And overall the project was a success and caught on well in Germany, Poland and the UK, but if we didn't catch that reference in time, the campaign would've been a disaster. The way we caught the reference was someone outside the team, a local American, who immediately flagged it the minute he saw it in our outlook report. All of us fluent English-speakers had some vague idea of the various ways the campaign would look and sound, but nobody attached the meaning of "two girls one cup" to it.

And so, maybe that's why I buy the explanation offered by Ador. I can very easily see how an English professor at a Korean university, a couple of Scandinavian songwriters, and one Korean DJ, wouldn't know a Eurocentric slang interpretation of an innocuous English word. Because I myself, the first time I heard Cookie, didn't get any sexual undertones or innuendos. The song honestly just seemed cute to me… the puns in Korean were cute. Also, “taste it, smell it, bake it…” for Korean sweets and desserts, all that isn't odd to say. I mean, people here plan their whole days around trying out a new café and savouring a new sweet on the menu like it's a life-changing experience. It's fun and cute to attach that level of attention and importance to your sweets. The connection with CDs was obvious at first glance too (the CDs are huge in the MV so it's hard to miss), and given what I would call the ‘café culture’ in Korea, the play on words in Cookie seemed honest to God adorable, and a lot of my Korean friends and family (the few who listen to k-pop) felt the same. It probably sounds like I'm reaching here but overall I didn't think this was a big deal anyway.

International k-pop stans felt differently, but k-pop stans in general are easy to rile up, and even if Ador indeed had some ulterior motive, either way I don't really care.

I don't care for the same reason I don't care that Beyonce used the 'spazz' slang in her song, for the same reason I don't care Chaeyoung from Twice went around the US in a Q-Anon/nazi t-shirt, for the same reason I don't care about XG saying they've got 'opps', for the same reason I don't care that Mamamoo/Shinee have done black/brownface and never apologized for it, for the same reason I don't care that Florence Welch is apparently a Satanist, for the same reason I don't care Bang PD is likely fucking someone half his age...

And so on.

It's not because I don't understand the implications of all these issues, but the standard applied in stan twt for what is considered 'problematic' and 'cancellable' doesn't impact how I feel about music and the artists. I decide all that for myself.

And I like Cookie and NewJeans.

#newjeans #newjeans cookie #kpop #Kpop music #girl groups #ador #Hybe #fandom discourse #kpop fandom

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imnobodyuknow · 5 months

Text

So, I ran into a rare find of a game a few weeks ago (thanks to good old Bijuu Mike deciding to play it), and let me just say -- for a free game, it's definitely somethin' else.

It's a fairly short game, but well worth your while if you're looking for something unusual. Don't take my word for it, though -- go check it out for yourself! (There's some light language, sexual innuendo, and a bit of horror in it, just FYI.)

***Outcore Spoilers Ahead!!!***

Much like Doki Doki Literature Club and OneShot (and probably some other mixed reality games I don't know about), Outcore: Desktop Adventure messes with your computer's files in a number of creative ways. It also explores (no pun intended) the idea of a video game character becoming aware of the existence of another world (namely, the real world). And much like Monika, the main character -- the curious and adorable Lumi...

...finds herself dissatisfied with the world she's lived in for the last 18 years. She even starts to believe that her life is meaningless without any variety or the ability to explore anything new.

Here's what I found very touching about Lumi's story, though. Unlike Monika, she doesn't despair or become resentful after learning that she and her world aren't real -- instead, she decides to make the most of it...in her own special way. 😉

Most of the game involves using your computer's files, applications, etc. in some very innovative ways to help Lumi recover the memories she lost upon appearing on your desktop. The intrigue created by piecing together the mysteries of her past is soon accompanied by a more disturbing feeling, however, when you realize...

...something's a little off. (That's how it was for me, anyway. 😏)

Thankfully, the disturbing part is fairly limited, and definitely worth going through to see how Lumi takes advantage of her situation and changes things for the better, both for herself and for the folks back home. And in doing so, she discovers what it is she wants out of life:

Kind of an odd thing for a "villain" to say, huh? 😏

And on top of that, she even finds a way to be an explorer within the confines of the digital world -- by becoming a dead web browser an Internet Explorer!

Good luck out there, Lumi! (Seriously, you'll need it. 🫤)

Oh, and...apparently there's a way to put a clown nose on Lumi. I just now discovered that. ...Interesting. 😄

So, to put it another way, Outcore struck me as a game with a Doki Doki Literature Club-esque story, but with a much less morbid and more satisfying ending to it. 😊 It may not be as long or story-rich as DDLC, but I loved how simple yet entertaining and touching it was from beginning to end. If a sequel ever comes out, you can bet I'll be playing it, whether it's free or not. 😁

Anyway, on to the review...

In terms of creativity:

In terms of charming and quirky characters:

In terms of fun, engaging, and atmospheric music:

In terms of humorous dialogue and clever references:

In terms of crazy (and often silly) plot twists:

In terms of decency:

And finally, in terms of being a touching, thought-provoking, and fun mixed-reality experience (which also happened to be free):

Quite the inspirational game, Doctor Shinobi. In fact, I'd say it's the sort of game I hope to create myself somewhere down the road.

(Man, I gotta get on that already...)

#game review #outcore #lumi #laifu #jiji #that idle game takes WAY too long though

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art-i-know-yes · 1 year

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A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYONE'S (that i watch) AND THEN MARTYN'S EP 4 LIMITED LIFE

END OF TANGO'S EP

OK ALL IM GONNA SAY IS OMG CHAOS

TANGO BEING HUNTED BY THE ENTIRE SERVER

Joel killing Tango and Jimmy being like "WASNT ME"

Props to the rest of T.I.E.S for trying to protect

"This is for peace"

just bombs

Skizz just bargaining

the MUSIC is killing me

running through the walls

what about MY heartbeat

Tango driving the Bad Boys insane

ESCAPE INTO THE RAVINE BABY

ooo the mob farm

"hi everybody. im afraid."

your teammates want to kill you

Tango doesn't even know where he is

he has 40 minutes

THEY TRIED THO

momma's respect

baby dug

GRIAN'S EP

"what-what's this? are you a bad boy?" *switches skin* "of course I am!"

they tried really hard

oh no Scott is GOLDEN

"tastyyyy"

"he knows etho is the only that can protect him"

oh so Joel was just killing people like scar was last session

he was trying

oh so that's how that happened

hunting green names for sport

"last ep behavior" is hilarious to me

all the accidental clocker kills

oh so that's what THAT was

got that green name tho-

"im squealing-"

grian uses that kind of tactic reasoning right

you're destroying his pretty house

i-i was. bit expecting that to work

the Bad Boys are rrreeeeaaaalll desperate

not too sure about the friends

grian's gremlin laugh is so funny

wooooowww

potato pier

they have so many lives so they just decided that vertical was going to be the best tactic

Jimmy's Ep (finished b4 Grian's ep)

no ily for scott

so. jimmy is just. wild. this season huh. kidnapping bigb.

fire bread bridge

pearl is soooo gonna follow

*sigh* guess we know who's going red first

"yeeeahh mellow yellow. we're all friends here" "i couldn't kill you even if i wanted" but i can kidnap you

ALWAYS CHECK FOR FOLLOWERS

the bois are building and jimmy is. going through something right now.

jimmy's emotional support frog Judge Judy and Executioner

"excuse me"

"how do we know he's still a bad boy" "ive been threatening and kidnapping people"

being a bad boy is a family business

bad boy bread bridge bakery

MARTYN'S EP

him and his puns

"filthy reds"

"how much time you got? 18?" "17:48" "disgusting."

being scott's bodyguard

of course it's grian with the fishing rod

oh joel was kinda close

mean gill protection services

"the other kids are bullying me!!!"

"why am i following"

the bread bridge is getting wild

martyn watches too many of his subs vids

hunting green names for spoooorrrttt

do you trust that tho

it's it'sssss wabbit season!!

the FEAR in joel's voice

"chaps let's talk about it"

"i need the time back, i need the time back-"

"OHH MARTYN"

cooooLAAATTERRRAAAALLLL

"oh my word"

"oh grian noo"

did- did they not. notice.

loooooorreeee????

LOOOORRRREEEE!!!!

im not smart enough for lore

Scott's Ep

scott having the most time is great

"is that why you're hovering"

"little 'ol meeeee"

grian tried spleefing a lot

scott is left undefeated

people lost more time trying to kill greens than had gained

*runs in fear*

also scar being peaceful this episode

"Why do you KEEP BRINGING THEM TO MY BASE"

rip to pufferish of peace

"Hmm? hmm!"

"the arrows caaNNN REACH"

absolute amazing bucket clutch

the yellow skin is very cute

"oh yeah no I was slippery"

AY YO

what.

the clockers are the most unsubtle team ever

and pearl did that one huh

"yeah it's pretty close"

momma can't do her chores when her kids are there

always with the aesthetics

aww cute

ahhh innuendo

wild session

btw i watch tango's first bc he posts suuuper ahead of everyone else so. anyway i watched his and part of grian's when the episodes came out just finished the rest of them lmao. i have a short attention span.

#you could and should absolutely ignore this #mcyt #life series #limited life #limited life tango #limited life spoilers #traffic series #traffic series spoilers #limited life martyn #limited life grian #limited life jimmy #mean gills #limited life mean gills #limited life bad boys #limited life ties

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palimpsessed · 2 years

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Yes yes it’s no longer Wednesday but space-time is a continuum or something. Anyway I wanted to share this but couldn’t muster the energy to make a post. So the fun continues today. I’ve not had a chance to read anyone else’s stuff yet but I’m very much looking forward to having time later so thank you for tagging me.

I posted a new fic yesterday, one which I’ve been teasing over the last month or so and I’m going to share some of that with you. And I finally got back in gear on Slings and Eros so I have a teaser from that, too!!! Okay enough chitchat. Let’s get busy.

First off, here’s my new fic. It’s called “by any other name...” and it’s about Simon’s cock. And also Baz’s. But mostly it’s just them being stupid and in love. And there are PUNS!!!!!

Anyway here’s Baz trying to name Simon’s cock:

I sigh and drop my head back onto the bed. There used to be a pillow there. My pillow. But instead, my head just bounces on the mattress because Baz stole my pillow to make himself a little nest. A sex nest. (You'd think he was the one who's half-dragon.)

I turn to look at Baz, because I want to look at Baz. Because he's beautiful, especially when he's being stupid and his hair's a mess and he's completely ensconced in pillows. But it's not his soft, dopey post-sex look that greets me. It's his plotting face.

"The Power of Powers," he announces, like he's introducing me to the bloody queen.

"No! No more prophecies!"

"It's not my fault your prophecy is full of ridiculous sexual innuendo."

"You're making it dirty! It's not dirty!"

"It's a little dirty," he murmurs.

Baz is right and he should say it.

Aaaaaaand here’s some ✨drama✨ from an upcoming chapter of SAE:

"I told you to leave me alone!" He bites the words out, like a rabid animal out for flesh, gnashing his teeth. A warning before the kill.

Maybe he thinks he can scare me off, but I'm the son of the god of war and I've followed my father into battle. I'll not be intimidated by tears and a prickly attitude.

I stand up again, and I let my power come back to the surface of my skin. It's not enough to provoke another burnout, but it should be all I need to convince Baz I'm serious. I can see his eyes widen as he stares up at me, jaw opening slightly, lower lip still wobbling.

I know he can feel it. Penelope tells me that it feels like the air before a thunderstorm. Oppressive and charged and unnerving. Elemental.

"And I told you that I won't leave you alone!" I shout back. I've balled my hands into fists, but that's good. As pent up and pulled taut as I'm feeling right now, I don't trust myself not to draw my blade.

I lower my voice. "I'll ask you one more time, are you hurt?"

Me, looking at the length of these snippets: this seems reasonable to inflict upon others.

I won’t tag anyone new because I’m late, but I will invite those who tagged me to consider this me tagging them back for Sunday. You’re all amazing. ❤️ @facewithoutheart @martsonmars @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @angelsfalling16 @cutestkilla @basiltonbutliketheherb @nightimedreamersworld @artsyunderstudy @confused-bi-queer

#wip wednesday #even tho one is no longer ‘ip’ and is now just ‘w’#slings and eros #by any other name #spicy links

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withahappyrefrain · 2 years

Text

Three Little Words

Summary: Peter is determined to tell the reader he loves her. Here are the three times he tries, and then one time he finally gets it out.

Warning: Some language, sexual innuendos (no smut, not yet), a little angst, reader has a nickname. Just a lot of fluff. I didn't proofread, so I apologize

Follow up to Glad You're Home (you will want to read it otherwise this won't make sense)

Part three is up!

“So when you’re gonna tell her?”

“Is this a question or another Tik Tok thing?” Either way, Peter find Miles’ timing to be awful considering they were in the midst of going after a pair of robbers.

“It was a question….but that is a line from a song that was in Top 40 radio, so you’re improving!” Peter didn’t expect to get a lot of Miles’ pop references-considering the ten plus age gap-but when MJ started teasing him about living under a rock, he wanted to do better.

MJ.

Despite three months of dating, there were still times he had to convince himself that he wasn’t dreaming. That all this was real. He could easily get behind the multiverse being real, the fact that there were other Peter Parkers-who also were Spider-Man-that existed in other universes. That was easy for him to wrap his head around. What he couldn’t wrap his head around was the older Peter’s suggestion that there was someone out there for him. It was just easier to accept that he was an outlier, that he didn’t have an MJ, that he already had a soulmate, and she was long gone.

And then he saw her. She was breathtaking, which was honestly the main reason he tried leaving at first when during their initial meeting because he knew if he stayed, he was going to be absolutely smitten by those bright eyes and smile that lit up the room by the end of the night.

But she refused to let him go, which made no sense in his mind until he heard that nickname, which simultaneously made everything in his mind click and send it into overdrive because shit that was MJ, his MJ, who was only inches away from his face, tending to his wounds.

“So do you have a plan yet on how you’re going to tell her that you love her or you going to wing it….no pun intended?” Miles asked, dodging a huge piece of metal that had been thrown at him.

“I have a plan.”

“Like an actual plan…..or like the ‘plan’ you had when you tried to ask her out?” Miles asked. Peter was glad he had a mask on so no one could see his redden face.

“Hey stranger, what brings you here?” You asked after opening up the window. You were surprised that it was Peter, not Miles, standing outside on your fire escape. He appeared to be in much better health compared to when he was brought to your place the night before. It was strange to see him outside of that spandex suit

“I…I wanted to bring back the clothes I borrowed,” He said, holding up a folded shirt and pair of sweatpants.

“Did you swing around while carrying clothes? Because that would be impressive, although slightly impractical.” You said, stepping outside to join him.

“No, I….I have my backpack. I keep all my stuff in it,” He pointed to the one he was carrying, “You were joking, weren’t you?”

You giggled, “Little bit. So is there a reason why you’re giving me these clothes?” You paused, “And not Miles? The owner of said clothes?”

Shit. He didn’t think this through.

“Uh, I figured…you know you see him more than I do, and this way, you can……” He stumbled, face turning red.

“Do you want to go grab lunch?” You asked, hoping to put the poor guy out of his misery. It was clear that the plan was to come over and talk to you. And the beginning of the plan was really good. He just hadn’t thought it all the way through.

He sighed, relieved that she was able to pick up on what he was trying to do, “Yes. I would love that.”

“Awesome. There’s this new Italian place I’ve been wanting to try, but it’s a date spot so I didn’t want to go without a date,” You explained as you began to crawl back into your apartment.

“Date?” He squeaked out. You looked back, a grin forming on your face.

“Yes, that is usually what you call it when two people have kissed each other and go out to lunch. Is that okay?” You asked. You would be really surprised if he wasn’t okay with it, but now would be the best time to find out.

“That is….more than okay.”

She was the one to initiate a date. Peter was thankful because it had been so long since he dated that he had no idea what he was doing. Usually his strong suit was quick comebacks and witty remarks, but his brain felt like cotton whenever he saw her. It wouldn’t be the last time MJ had to initiate things.

“So….this isn’t sushi?” He asked. You rolled your eyes because this was the fifth time he asked.

“Peter, it’s called Poke,” You explained before taking a bite of your bowl.

“It’s Hawaiian,” Miles added.

“But….it contains rice, raw fish, and stuff like avocado and seaweed.”

“Yes, those are common toppings people put on a Poke bowl.” You weren’t sure why he was having such a hard time grasping the concept. It was also entirely possible he was being an ass on purpose to get you to crack.

“No, those are things you put in sushi.” Peter remarked.

“He’s not wrong,” Miles whispered to you.

“Okay…fine. But sushi usually has all these things wrapped up and sliced into neat little rolls. This is not a neat little roll,” You motioned to your bowl.

“So, it’s deconstructed sushi. Why don’t they just call it that?” He remarked. You could see the smirk forming on his face.

“Because it’s not sushi. It’s Poke,” You held up your fork, as if that would make him realize he was wrong.

“It literally has all the same ingredients as sushi, it’s just in a bowl!”

“Why are you so upset about this?” Miles asked.

“Because it’s sushi! It should just be called sushi!”

“Wow, I didn’t know my boyfriend was so adamant about the name of a food he won’t even eat.” Your eyes widen and your hand flew up to cover your mouth. You two had been dating for a little over a month but had yet to label things.

“What did you call me?” Peter asked, his voice barely a whisper.

“I have to pee, I’ll be back,” Miles said, getting up quickly so he could watch from the sides without being involved. He would say he wanted to stay out of the drama, but the truth was he couldn’t pick between the two of you if his life depended on it.

You looked up to make eye contact with your favorite bug boy. It was time to own it.

“Boyfriend. That is what I’ve been calling you whenever anyone in my apartment tries to set me up with their nephew or delivery guy. At first it was to emphasize that I wasn’t interested, but also because,” You paused, “I want you to be my boyfriend.”

His face was hard to read. It reminded you of the look he had when he discovered your nickname the night you two had met.

After what felt like an eternity, he grabbed your free hand, entwining his fingers with yours.

“I would like that too,” He said softly. You see his eyes beginning to water and could imagine the wide range of emotions he was experiencing. You knew this was a big deal for him, which was why you hadn’t been pushing the need to label things.

“YES! Finally!” You two turned around to see Miles standing by the soda foundation machine, first in the air.

Peter hadn’t minded when she initiated their first date. Nor did he mind it that she had initiated the boyfriend-girlfriend conversation. But there was a saying: once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, but three times is a pattern. And it definitely became a pattern for her to take charge when it came to many firsts in their relationship.

You two were watching a movie. You texted Miles, telling him specifically to not show up. You had on the lowest cut t-shirt you owned and the jeans that made your ass incredibly difficult to ignore. You had your head in his lap, playing with the ties of his sweatpants. You really thought it could not get more obvious than this.

And somehow, Peter Parker remained oblivious to all your hints. You were pretty sure if you took your top off right now, he would just ask if you were feeling warm and offer to turn on your AC.

So it was time for Plan B.

You sat up and swung a leg over him, straddling his waist.

“I need you to rail me,” You enunciated every word, refusing for there to be any misinterpretation.

He heard you loud and clear. It was obvious by his widen eyes and shaky hands that were resting on your hips.

“Oh?” Was all he could squeak out.

“Now. I need you to fuck me. Now.” You breathed heavily. He nodded his head and before you knew it, his hands were gripping your thighs, allowing him to stand up and carry you to the bedroom.

She had initiated a lot. And while that was one of the many things he loved about her, Peter couldn’t help but feel…lesser. Like he wasn’t pulling his weight. You had created all these memorable, magical moments and he just wanted to do the same.

Which was why Peter was determined to say it first. He wanted to be the first one to say those three big words. He knew you felt the same way and were just holding it back-trying to take things slow since this was his first relationship in years. He needed you to know that you were the best part of his day, of his life.

“Are you going to tell her tonight after her show?” Miles asked. Peter looked up to see the two robbers were properly webbed, no way of escaping.

“I mean, I don’t know if that’s the best time,” Peter started.

“That’s the perfect time!” The two looked up to see one of the robbers looking down at them, the other nodding in agreement.

“Have….have you been listening to our whole conversation?” Peter asked, unsure whether to be embarrassed or upset.

“We were curious. It sounds like you really like this girl.”

“Uh yeah…I do, but it’s not exactly something I tend to talk about with the people I’m fighting with.”

As much as Peter didn’t want to admit it, those robbers had a point. Tonight would be a good time to tell her. He and Miles were seeing the show she was currently in. He had flowers, had put on a suit jacket and tie. If there was any time to tell her, it was tonight after the show.

“Alright, I’ll stay back here. You tell her that you love her, you kiss, then I’ll hug the both of you and remind you how Miles Parker is a great name for a kid.”

Peter groaned, covering his face in the flowers so no one could see how red it was.

“I’m just saying-“

“Miles.”

“It’s a great name and a great way to honor the person who brought you together.”

“You realize in order for that to happen, I have to tell her I love her, she says it back, and then we have to get married. You do realize that’s a long process right?”

“I’m aware Peter. But it’s always good to start thinking about these things now-“

“Please just stay behind.”

“Peter!” He looked up to see you standing there, backstage. You were still in your costume, running towards him.

“I got you bro…..over there,” Miles said, running off. At least he was now picking up when the two should be alone.

You stopped running once you were several inches away from him. It wasn’t the first time a significant other had seen you perform, but something about looking out in the crowd and seeing him, seeing Peter with that big, lovesick grin you loved so much, was exhilarating.

“Are those for me?” You asked, pointing to the flowers. There were sunflowers, your favorite.

“Actually, they’re for the crew, I was just blown away by their performance.” You laughed, playfully grabbing his shoulder (you could never hit him-even if it was pretend). He leaned in, bending a bit so you and him were at eye level.

“You’re incredible, has anyone ever told you that?” He whispered. You were thankful you still had your stage makeup on, which made it harder for people to tell if you were blushing.

“Yes….but I like hearing it from you,” You teased. You leaned in to close the gap because you were tired of waiting. It had been maybe six hours since you last kissed him and yet it felt like the first time again. You broke away for air and he rested his forehead against your’s.

“MJ, I-“

His sentence was cut off by a cast member calling-no, yelling-your name. You broke away to see your cast motioning for you to join them back on stage, most likely to take a group photo.

You sighed, “I’m so sorry, I’ll be right back. I promise.” Before he could say anything, you ran off, wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Peter sighed. The moment had come and gone. He would have to tell you another time. Maybe it was for the best? You probably wanted this to happen in a more private setting.

As soon as the picture was taken, you ran back to him, your eyes gleaming.

“What was it that you were trying to tell me before we were interrupted?”

“Oh, nothing. Just….I’m amazed by you,” He said softly.

“I’m so happy for you guys!” Seemingly out of nowhere, Miles was there, wrapping the two into a group hug-which was a common occurrence.

“Uh….why?” You asked, not seeing the daggers Peter was sending with his eyes, along with mouthing the word ‘No’.

“Why? Because,” He made eye contact with Peter and his eyes widen, “Oh. Because…you guys are just great together. You know, as soon as Peter told me he was single, I knew you would be great for him, MJ.”

“If you’re asking to make a speech at our wedding again,” You started, “I already said yes.”

“I’m sorry, you told him he could do what now?” Peter asked. You laughed as you motioned for the two to come back to your dressing room. You weren’t completely serious, but seeing Peter’s reaction to you mentioning the idea of your wedding was always fun to see.

-------

“Babe, you know the recipe only calls for three cloves of garlic. You do know that, right?” Peter asked as his wrapped his arms around your waist.

“I’m aware. And the recipe is wrong,” You said as you peeled another clove.

“Is there a vampire I should be on the lookout for?” He asked, pressing his nose into your hair.

“I just like garlic. Garlic makes everything better,” You remarked.

“Yeah, except your breath,” He muttered into your hair.

“Oh please, like you would go without kissing me,” You said, walking over to the trash can to toss out the scraps of garlic skin.

You felt something sticky latch onto your hip. Before you could say his name, you were back in his arms. You had a love/hate relationship with his web shooters. It terrified you, but was also insanely attractive when he used them on you.

“You….” He paused, trying to think of a comeback, “….are not wrong.” You threw your head back to laugh. He leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to your neck. You wrapped your arms around his back so you could stay like this. Stay in his arms as he pressed soft kisses up your neck, up your chin, and finally, to your lips.

“Peter,” You sighed into his lips. It took every ounce of you to not say those three words. You didn’t want to be the first. You wanted him to say it when he was ready.

“MJ,” You leaned your head back so you could see his face, “I….I-“

“It smells amazing in here! What are we making tonight?” Peter closed his eyes to take a deep breath, as that was the only thing that could stop him from yelling at the kid.

“Teriyaki chicken,” You told your neighbor.

“Please don’t encourage him,” Peter whispered to you. He would give Miles a hard time later for interrupting a moment he knew the kid wanted to happen, once you were out of earshot.

---

“You know, it would have taken us less time if we had just swung to the top,” Peter said as he climbed what seemed to be an endless set of stairs.

“I’m still reeling from that time when Miles swung me around,” You told him, looking back to smile.

“No offense to Miles, but he’s still working on swinging around,” Peter commented.

“How’s this, you can swing me around….from your Aunt May’s doorstep to the street,” You offered.

“That’s a waste of my web shooters,” He retorted, pretending to be offended.

“So is this view truly the best view of New York City? Because I usually like to burn my thighs in a different way,” You smirked, raising an eyebrow.

He was thankful that they finally reached the top, mainly so he didn’t need to respond to how much she liked having sex with him, because the thought still made him speechless.

“Alright, here we are,” He said, opening the door. You had long heard of his favorite spot, but until now you had only heard about it, never seen it in person.

Having lived in New York City for nearly ten years, you’d thought that you had seen all the breathtaking sights by now.

“Wow,” was all you could say as you stepped out onto the rooftop. It was easy to understand why this was his favorite spot. It was quiet, the sounds of cars and people below making great white noise. It was subtle, reminding you they were still there but not overpowering. All the different colors of the lights below blended, creating a beautiful illusion.

His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you into him. You looked up to see him with that smile that made you weak at the knees every damn time.

“Thanks for taking me to your spot Tiger,” You whispered, blushing as he pushed a strand of hair out of your face.

“Of course. I figured it was time I share my favorite spot with my favorite person,” You rested your chin on his chest, looking up at him. The sight of you, looking up at him with your big, bright eyes, made his heart flutter.

He cradled your face in his hands, stroking your jaw with his thumb.

“Hey tiger,” You whispered. It was moments like this you wouldn’t trade for the world. The world got to see Spider-Man, but you had Peter Parker. Peter, who was so sweet, so gentle and just full of devotion and adoration for you.

“I….I never thought I would feel this way about someone again.” You nodded your head, encouraging him to keep talking. Since you knew about him being Spider-Man from the get-go, it made things easier to talk about. Specifically, the past you two had before meeting each other.

“If someone had told me a few months ago I would be feeling this way, I would have told them they’re crazy. But….now you’re here. And I-“

An array of sirens-both police and ambulances- interrupted him this time. You groaned in frustration.

“You have to get that, don’t you?” You muttered into his chest.

“No, Miles said he could do the patrol himself tonight.” It wasn’t so much that he said he would, moreso that Peter asked him to.

“That was nice of him. What…what were you saying before we were rudely interrupted by the NYPD?” You asked, getting a chuckle out of him. He leaned down to gently kiss your hand that was he holding.

“What I’ve been trying to say is, MJ, I-“

This time it was his cell phone that interrupted. The catchy jingle, alerting him that something Spider-Man related was on the other line.

“You…should probably get that,” you said, trying to hide your disappointment. You knew something serious was going on if Miles was calling him while on duty.

It took everything in Peter not to throw his phone off the Empire State Building. He begrudgingly picked up, “Yes Miles?”

“Hey man, you know how I said I got it tonight?”

“Yes Miles, I remember that. Very clearly.”

“Well, I don’t have it.”

Peter sighed, “I’ll be there in five minutes.” He hung up and grabbed your waist.

“What are you doing?” You asked.

“I’m not going to make you walk down all those stairs. That would make me a horrible boyfriend,” He said, making sure you were secure in his arm.

“Peter Benjamin Parker, don’t you fucking dare-“ Too late. You were flying and didn’t feel bad how loud you screamed in his ear.

-------

Waiting was the worst part. You knew he would do his best to be safe-he made more of an effort to keep himself safe while fighting since you two started dating-but the possibility of him not returning was always in the back of your mind.

You had to force yourself to sit on the couch, your back to the fire escape. Looking at it would just make things worse. You tried reading a book, but his words just kept replaying over and over in your head.

“What I’ve been trying to say is, MJ, I-”

You wanted to throw his phone off the building so badly. You had a strong feeling what his next words were going to be, and you were desperate to hear them.

You still worried. Even though it was faint, and their appearance was rare, you could still hear that voice in the back of your head, telling you that this was too good to be true. That he didn’t feel the same way, that you were just a steppingstone. That one day he would find someone else, and you would be left in the dust, just like before.

It was why you had been so careful not to say it first. You didn’t want him to feel any pressure, to feel like he had to say it just because you said it. You wanted it to be genuine, for it to happen when he was ready.

The tapping of your window broke you away from your thoughts. You looked up to see him and relief filled your body. You ran over to the window, opening it so he could come in.

“You okay?” You asked, scanning his body for any injuries. You noticed some minor cuts, nothing too awful.

“You should see the other guy,” He laughed as he came in. He’s had a key for about a month now, but he never used it.

“I hope you gave him a punch for me. You know, for ruining our date and all,” You said as you inspected the cut on his upper chest. It seemed to be the worst one he had tonight, the one that would require some attention. You grabbed his hand to lead him back to your couch, your first aid kit already on the coffee table.

“I may have,” He said as he sat down.

“Alright Tiger, you know the drill.”

“You know, I think at this point in our relationship you can just ask me to take off my clothes for you.”

You rolled your eyes as you got the bandages and wipes. He rolled his suit down so that you could get a clear look at the cut. You began to clean it up with the wipes, because you will be damned if he gets an infection.

He couldn’t help but notice how cute you were when you focused on something. Your nose would scrunch up, your eyes narrowed in on whatever it was you were doing. He noticed it right away when he first met you, as you were tending to his wounds.

“Do you know why I wanted to leave that night we first met?” He asked. You stopped, looking up at him.

“Because…you were afraid of me knowing your identity,” He made that very clear.

“No.”

“No?”

“I knew if I stayed, I would be head over heels for you by the end of the night. I….you were so beautiful and warm and the idea of having feelings like that terrified me.” He didn’t hide how terrifying this was for him. How it had been so long since he had been with someone, that he had been able to convince himself that he wouldn’t have someone, that he didn’t deserve it.

“I’m glad I didn’t let you go,” You said, a small smile creeping across your face.

“Me too,” He whispered. You grabbed a bandage because you really wanted to kiss him. You placed it on his chest, knowing that would keep it from bleeding further, which would allow him to heal faster. As soon as it was on, he pulled you into him. You rested your forehead on his, feeling at peace now that he was safe and back in your arms.

“What’s up baby?” You asked. Touch was Peter’s love language, but something was different tonight.

“I never thought this would be possible,” He said softly into your shoulder.

“What would be possible?”

“You.” You almost wanted to turn away due to the intensity of his gaze, “You….healed a cold, bitter heart. You loved me back to life. I don’t want to imagine where I would be without you.”

You wanted to make some sarcastic comment, so you could quickly wipe away the tears forming in your eyes. But you knew it was no use-he could hear your heart beat from a mile away.

“I love you so much and I’ve been trying to tell you that for the last two days because I….I need you to know. I love you.” It was all over when you saw his eyes were glassy, just like yours.

“Peter, I love you too,” it felt like a weight had been lifted off your chest. You had been keeping those words inside of you for so long and now you felt free to say it.

It was hard to kiss when you both had a huge smile on your faces, but you made it work. He gently hooked a finger around your chin, which allowed him to place sweet, small kisses all over your face, declaring his love for you between every kiss. You laughed, trying to chase after his mouth with your’s.

In that moment, only the two of you existed. Just the two of you, in your apartment, on the couch that was the focal point of that fateful night where Peter Parker was brought to you and you fell in love with each other.

#peter parker x reader #tasm!peter x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker fluff #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker imagine #tasm peter parker x reader #andrew peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #spider man fluff #andrew! peter parker x reader #there were people i was suppose to tag AND I'M SORRY #I spent so long looking for a gif #my writing

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hcpefulmarshmallow · 6 years

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BADABING! The next damnation has arrived! M!A: Ko will be a TOTAL Casanova/Master Flirt for 48 hours starting valentines day! ( ´ ▽ ` )✨✨💕

M!A: Getting Lucky Is A Talent Of Mine - For the next 48(ish) hours, Komaeda will be a massive flirt. Happy Valentine’s Day!

–Current threads/etc. will not be affected. Time: 8:10pm GMT+10, 14-02-17

“So, if I’m garbage, I guess that means someones should take me out. I mean, if the holiday fits…”

#(mmm this is what i called it last time i got this m!a. i'm so laaazy)#(also....innuendos. you're getting puns and innuendos.)#M!A: ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʟᴜᴄᴋʏ ɪs ᴀ ᴛᴀʟᴇɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴍɪɴᴇ (Flirt)#ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʙᴏʀᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴘᴇsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ [reply]#Anonymous #answered

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bluewinnerangel · 3 years

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have you analyzed that interview where it's just Lilo and people thing they look like they're flirting with each other? I think your comments would be hilarious

This is just gonna be a ramble rather than an analysis sorrysorry <3

I HAVE NOT. Okokokok this one is the flirty one:

youtube

~it's a ramble, it's a cut:~

I love their dynamics, it's so cute. All interviews are turned into chaos by these idiots at all times. They keep throwing each other off. And then they very elaborately just keep explaining what threw them. Liam tries to keep the interview up but simultaneously tries to prod (NO PUN) Louis, but Louis is just studying Liam like a hawk and just... trying shit and being more interested in just banter-y narrating what Liam's doing and not helping the interview not until he's gotten his comments in first. He also just keeps saying Liam is impressing him and being a genius and what not. It's so funny.

Louis.loves.to.fucking.mess.with.people. And you can debate whether that's flirty or not. Pretty sure he'd call it "banter" [butthenagainwhateverthefuckheandharryaredoinghe'salsocallingthatbanterso]. Liam here's not that different from his other interviews I feel, if you look at his recent insta lives it's pretty the same to me? Louis the moody bitch has got a whole lotta faces and here I do think it's on the flirtier side of the spectrum LOL. Just getting all the following in to say don't wanna shut things down and these lil shits actually just actually flirting hard like pls sign me up (and I'm not gonna pretend that moment at 1:22 doesn't look like narrator: and that's the moment they knew. The enemies to lovers "oh". asdkjalskjd IT DOES.) but I don't think they are, but even if they were it wouldn't invalidate any other relationships dynamics they might or might not be having with anyone else or each other really I'D honestly LOVE IF IT WAS ACTUALLY FLIRTING I fooking lov that my ass lives for that shit yes kings fking flirt your way through interviews yes pls just see how far you can take it and who backs down first in front of the cameras. Getting the other to blush basically. Knowing you're charming. Using your charm and confidence. Something I cannot identify with in the slightest thanks. Anyway which I think is totally something they(ot5) have done many many times, both joke and not so much joke flirting just god damn coming onto each other for funsies to make each other uncomfortable in public, especially on stage. Anyway Louis here is in general being some kinda oh wow Liam look at you saying stuff mood, however you view it he's paying close attention to Liams behavior. I think he's just tired/relaxed and this is just his default state. Like yeah it's intimate and I'd be intimidated af if that was sitting next to me but I just think that's what he's like.. just a very charming warm (overwhelming) presence. LHell yeah imma give you shit and it's gonna be charming af and i know it lakjsdlkjhg. [WHICH LET ME SCREAM MAKES IT ALL THE MORE EXTREME THAT THIS ONE OTHER DUDE IN THE BAND THAT HAS THE FUCKING SAME PROBLEM OUT THERE THOSE TWO DUDES TOGETHER WHO THRIVE IN THAT KINDA BANTER JUST DIDNT ACKNOWLEDGE EACH OTHERS PRESENCE FOR THE LATTER HALF OF THIS BANDS ACTIVE YEARS OK NO THAT'S NORMAL MUST MEAN THEY HATE EACH OTHER] It also doesn't help that the interviewer's sitting on the couch with them on the other side of Liam and that's where the camera is as well, so it just looks like Louis is only looking at Liam and maybe he isn't so much, but really I can't tell.

Also there's a possible innuendo here, at 0:47 Liam's getting cheeky asking Louis about his greatest experience in the band, which, is possibly funny to them because lol gay because lol he fking knows what his gReAtEsT eXpErIeNcE is. I mean if you looked at enough footage of them (which yes hi) you know that god forbid they'll pass up on any innuendo anywhere. So he's kinda... prodding... a lil? Maybe? I think Louis' response is to deflect that obvious (to him at least) behavior and then they just OK IMMA TRANSCRIBE THIS BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO APPRECIATE WTF THIS IS:

Liam: [...] wants to know what's the greatest experience we've had whilst being in the band? That's what she's wanting to know Tommo what's your greatest experience mate

Louis (probably thinking this cheeky fucker): great presenting skills there Liam i'm very very impressed

Liam: [sounds very [??] not sure how this works really but I'm just throwing it out there

Louis: You can give it a go,

Liam: Yeah that's okay

Louis: everyone likes to try it (don't knock it till you try it)

Liam: Yeah (throws a hand? like throwing it out there)

and then they go back to interview mode ITS SO GOD WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS

THEN at 1:09 there's a cut, but with what's actually in the video you can kinda speculate what was cut out: Liam says Louis was looking into the camera, in relation to the question they referred to the best place theyve been as the "vibiest city" and that's apparently using the word "vibes" is funny, and Louis says Liam embarrased himself there.

The ending is very interesting too because Liam goes from being entertained to not at all REAL QUICK with the fan marriage question at the end there. He's just DONE instantly. Which I mean after 5 years of those kinda questions in interviews that's very much understandable, who wouldn't, this is just one example of many of these boys getting bombed with ThIs GiRl tHaT gIrL !!gIRLLSSS!! !!mArRy a GuUuRrlLLL!!.

This was a pointless ramble but I hope you enjoyed it hahahaha

Also leaving more bits from this interview here:

youtube

And this one got very little views even:

youtube

(recent interview "analyses" HERE and HERE)

#interview #interview moments #lilo #rambling

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