#(as much as andrew would laugh tho)

[crossmyheartwonttellnoother]

hc that andrew laughs but only at neil's deranged jokes

[girl-named-matty]

Hogwarts Legacy characters and my first impressions of them pt.1

Semi-in order of when you meet them.

Eleazar Fig: Cool guy, seems to care a lot about me so that's nice.

George Osric: This guy is TOTALLY the villain. Why would he just come out of nowhere and be acting so weird and like he doesn't want anyone else to hear what he has to say? (LOL sorry George 💀We all know how that ended)

Ranrok: Naww who is this- DID HE JUST KILL THAT GOBLIN?!

Professor Black: Annoying. Annoying, Annoying, Annoying. GO AWAY.

Professor Weasley: She's awesome, super sweet, and she's in Gryffindor and I'm in Gryffindor so that's nice. Oh, wait a Weasley???

Cressida Blume: She's cute. Has cute freckles.

Nellie Oggspire: I need to be her friend IMMEDIATELY.

Garreth Weasley: Oh this guys a cutie--OH SHOOT HIS LAST NAME IS WEASLEY.

Natty Onai: Her name is Natty... and mine is Matty... We now we HAVE to be best friends.

Professor Ronen: Oh, he seems like fun!

Sebastian Sallow: Woah wait why are they fighting. OH SHOOT IS THAT GINGER KID ABOUT TO DIE- Oh, never mind. Was this guy allowed to do that? Is he gonna bully me? Should I be suspicious of him? Oh, well either way he's kinda cute.

Professor Hecat: Oh, she's cool.😎

Lenora Everleigh: So cute and has a very beautiful name.

Sirona Ryan: An absolute queen. Gave me free butterbeer and she seems really considerate of the other shop keepers. Oh and she defends me so yeah absolute queen.

Victor Rookwood: Uhh who is this guy? Oh shoot wait is he supposed to be another villain? His top hat is kinda goofy ngl. Also what kind of a threat is "Can't drink butterbeer forever?". I don't know whether to be intimidated or to laugh. Maybe both?

Theophilus Harlow: MY EYEESSSSSSS! 😭😭😭 (Sorry but he looks nasty)

Professor Garlick: OH SHE CUTEEEEEEE.

Leander Prewett: Oh I HATE THIS GUY GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! SEBASTIAN SALLOW SAVE ME. PROFESSOR GARLICK HELP. (I promise I have changed my ways and I now love him)

Professor Sharp: OoOooo he looks intimidating but he is very handsome.

Amit Thakkar: CUTIE RAVENCLAW!

Andrew Larson: ANOTHER CUTIE RAVENCLAW! (throwing him in here now bc I'll tell you guys I didn't even know he had a name until like six or seven+ months ago so I got my first impression of him online LOL)

Lucan Brattleby: This kid looks fire. He's my little brother now and nobody can stop me.

Eric Northcott: He hasn't said a single word yet I do not like him. (Sorry Eric girlies)

Ominis Gaunt (1): Why does this guy keep talking to me in the hallways. Is he mad at me? WHAT DID I DO?! Oh, shoot wait is he blind? CAN HE SEE WITH HIS WAND??? DAWG THIS IS AWESOME. also he's really pretty.

Richard Jackdaw: Why does he look and sound exactly like Garreth? Is this another Weasley I don't know about?

Madam Kogawa: She looks cool. Kinda intimidates me tho and I have no idea why.

Everett Clopton: His voice is kinda annoying and we got in trouble but he did teach me how to go super fast on a broom so I'll give him that much.

Deek: AWWW I LOVE THIS GUY!!

Ominis Gaunt (2): WHY DID YOU YELL AT MEEEEE?😭IM NOT GONNA TELL ANYONE ABOUT THE UNDERCROFT I SWEAR. 😭😭

Percival Rackham: Don't like him. I don't know why but I do not like him.

Professor Howin: ...is that dodo bird actually gonna attack me or are you just saying that-

Poppy Sweeting: Aww she looks cute. She is very small but obviously that doesn't stop her from defending beasts from bullies LETS GO! Oh also she's got a cool hippogriff friend!

Imelda Reyes: Oh, I am going to beat her time by a LANDSLIDE just because she said that to me. (rivals to lovers fr)

Lodgok: Oh he seems really nice for helping us but should I be suspicious of his connections to Ranrok?

Gladwin Moon: Saw this guy earlier and he was acting weird. And now I figure out it's because of some statues. Can this school get any weirder?

pt.2 coming soon 👀

[heartshapedbubble]

Hi can I request Andrew, Luca, William, Wu Chang and Antonio reacting to having an s/o that can crush a watermelon between her thighs.

this req made me shit bricks when i first received it in august LMFAOOOO this was so fun to write anon thank you so much for this/gen

andrew, luca, william, wu chang and antonio reacting to their s/o crushing a watermelon between their thighs🕸⚡🏈☂️🎻

andrew kreiss🕸

he is... confused to say the least

when you first did it he jumped out of fear thinking you hurt yourself by doing so

this man would probably burst into flames after one pretzel stick he has NO idea how to react

....he'd be lying if he said it doesn't interest him though

like. he is INCREDIBLY lost and maybe even disturbed but like. do it again

"is this something they do to sinners in hell? can you use it as self defense? does it hurt your thighs?" a bit gulity of asking these questions ngl but he can't help it

might start avoiding you after that... simply out of fear that it was a bad omen and that you might try crushing his skull instead when he messes up in the games LMAO

william ellis🏈

not shocked at all

he didnt even fucking flinch when it burst he just stood there with his usual 😃 face

"hehe. nice. now watch me" (proceeds to crush a watermelon with his own thighs)

tbh william can be competitive as hell and he would somehow make a competition out of this too

after that whenever y'all ate watermelon in the manor he always shouted "DID YOU GUYS KNOW ___ CAN CRUSH WATERMELONS WITH THEIR THIGHS¿¿¿¿¿ GO ON ___ SHOW THEM!!!!"

might ask you details on how you train/build your thighs just in case...there's always room for self-improvement

next time he sees you he's going to whip out two watermelons and ask you if you can crush both at the same time (cheeky bastard)

luca balsa⚡

mans is just losing his shit at it

"how do you do it??????? how long did you have to build your legs for this??? at what angle does it crush the fastest/easiest???? what technique did you use???" like andrew but with zero self control or fear

so intrigued he'll whip out the nerd glasses and the notepad to study it. bring a few extra watermelons cause once he begins you'll realize it's gonna be a looooong day

i kinda think that he'd be more interested in the physics aspect of it than the crushing itself tbh

after enough research he would try to crush one with his own thighs

...which didn't really go well🥲he's got chopstick legs but we still love him

that absolutely did not discourage him though. he'll find a way to do it himself. somehow. one day.

wu chang☂️

their reactions are quite different

at first they just kinda... side eye each other. not condescendigly tho they just have to clarify they're both seeing the same thing since they didn't expect this when you told them you have a suprise for them

xie is like ☺ "thats... very cute honey!! i'm very proud of you!!!! you've been working very hard!!!!"

no idea how to properly react or process it really but since you seem really happy about it he simply has to share your enthusiasm okay!!! xie the world

fan just smirks. "now crush a pumpkin."

this motherfucker is going to tease you and give you more and more impossible physical challenges just to make you all red in your face and see you angrily give up just crush his head instead at this point

would rather drown himself in that goddamn river again than admit out loud that it's absolutely badass but it becomes obvious after some time. he's not an emotional mastermind after all

antonio paganini🎻

not overwhelmed by it either! hes just chill like dat

he finds it so funny actually - he's grown tired of all the elegant plays and balls that he experienced while playing for royalty so this little peculiar performance of yours put a wide smile on his face

it gave him a good laugh too, not in a mocking way it's just so bizarre and unexpected that he couldn't help but laugh

would joke about it like "i love a partner that can just beat the shit out of me" after seeing it lmao

"you can kill people with that, but personally i wouldn't have an issue with it if it was your thighs in question~" what a fucking flirt GET HIM OUT

if you'd challenge him to do the same he'd just give up after the first two tries... his legs aren't his best asset

he CAN crush a watermelon with his hair though. maybe you should be more careful the next time you try to wriggle out from its grip...

[white-poppie]

ST✩RBOY: random hxh hcs

Now playing- STARBOY by The weekend ft. Killua, Kurapika, Chrollo, Illumi Tw: dissociation

💿 Kurapika

The most perfect man there is to exist!!?!!

So I know Kurapika had to almost grow up by himself, so I think he can handle household chores very well.

I would like to think that he somehow discovers baking. I just know he would be good at it <3

I just know he has super pretty cursive handwriting -sighs dreamily-

If you hug him, I know he would be so hesitant, but would slowly nuzzle deeper. If you were close to him and finally hug him, he would literally try his best to hold back tears (Please tell him, it's okay to cry!)

He smells so good omfg. I can't decide between Vanilla or some earthy smell, either way, it's so comforting yet at the same time it's like *eyes roll to the back of head*

You can read this for more scent hcs: Serenade my Senses

Call him pretty boy and he would be so shocked the first time, but as he gets used to it, he gives coy smile <33

I like the think it takes him a long time to get comfortable, but when he does it's so soft that it feels like breathing air. He is so touch-starved tho, so I can imagine him getting clingy after a while. (same bro same)

He is the knuckle and neck kisses type of dude *cue the flusters*

He hates Andrew Tate and his fans like he would go spit on them if could, this guy has the most healthy masculinity in all of anime and I love him for that.

Doesn't really understand the concept of memes tbh, he needs some explaining but he will laugh a little when you send them, he will once in a blue moon send memes but only the cat ones.

(realises how much I wrote for him while about to write more. This man has me on a chokehold frfr)

💿 Killua

He has trans-supporting t-shirts for him and Alluka. They are all matching.

Takes Alluka to pride parades! He has them sat on his shoulder the entire time too!!

Cant comfort a person even if his life depends on it. If you are crying he is just there like 🧍, awkwardly offering you some chocolate robots tho.

He just can't sit without moving every second! Literally a cat 😒

Older! Killua around 16-17 is a massive flirt! He is so quick to pull out reactions from anyone and takes a sick pleasure in it too??

Calls himself 'The Rizz lord' unironically.

His top Spotify artists would be Chase Atlantic, Mother-mother, The Scotts, Nirvana, Mitski and the Arctic Monkeys. Basically really an alt-rock/indie thing going on (us bro.)

💿 Chrollo

Mansplain, Manslaughter, Manwhore, Manipulate, Malewife ™️

Reads macabre literature like Crime and Punishment, No longer human, if we were villains, the secret history etc.

Tbh I feel like unlike how the fandom portrays him, he is a rather normal dude.

Gothic Academia ultra pro max.

Did the Soldier/Poet/King test, wanted 'king' but got 'poet'

Doesn't have pets because he thinks he can not take care of them

He loves animals tho, idk he seems the birds type of guy.

He likes the 'ominous' kind of birds more; like Ravens, Crows, Vultures and eagles.

Listens to Lana Del Ray and Maneskin, no questions asked.

Is scared of diving into conspiracy theories because he knows he would get sucked into the black hole because he is very interested in morbid things.

He is a DC fan, especially Gothan chronicles. (is that what it's called? Yk the things related to Gotham: joker, poison ivy, harlequin etc.)

Tried journalling once, failed terribly, and stopped after a week.

💿 Illumi

Oh wow, he is a difficult one to write about, but you guys love him, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I hate to say this, but I think he frequently dissociates, usually for very short periods of time, he doesn't even know it tbh, just thinks he is out of the element.

He is subconsciously under a lot of stress so his mind tries to flee from it by dissociating.

I wrote a little more about this here: Stuck in a vicious cycle

I think he likes potted plants, especially succulents. He is patient so I can see him take care of even the very difficult ones.

If he is going on a mission, he would go to his mother (because he cannot trust his siblings and father in this matter) like 'take care of my child.'

She actually manages to keep it alive somehow??

I think he knows how to do origami (he saw a child making a paper crane once and got curious.)

Illumi genuinely doesn't know how to care for his hair, he just follows whatever his mom tells him to do, so thank Kikuyo for those luscious tresses.

He has a hyper-fixation on mushrooms (not the psychedelic kind you weirdo). He knows the names of a lot of mushrooms.

Just imagine him and Hisoka taking walk and he randomly spots a mushroom and mumbles to himself 'Coprinus comatus'

and Hisoka is like:

(yes it's a bad meme, but it's the effort that counts)

🏷 Tags: @denkis111, @jazzylove, @lordmypantsaresocool, @futuristicallykawaiiturtle, @kristaline2dmensimp,@rintaroubby @nanaseishiro @innerpurple, @cleaningfairylevi, @webawee

⤷‧₊˚ Hunter x Hunter (ハンタ x ハンタ)

🥀 BYI/DNI ♡⌇ Request Rules 𓏸 🗝️ ₊﹒《 Join my Taglist •

[ittyybittybaker]

“neil is living in andrew’s walls” this is going to live in my brain forever now, much like neil in andrew’s walls,

listen i wrote those tags when i was half asleep and i thought that would be it but i am, in fact, still thinking about it !!!! i picture it like this

nicky and the twins live together in the columbia house (kevin technically doesn't live there but he's at their place like 5 nights a week so he might as well at this point)

the columbia house is OLD, like over 100 years so there's all sorts of weird crawl spaces and an attic that no one ever goes into

neil's on the run, jumps into an open window, and finds their crawl space

maybe he's injured and needs a place to lie low for a while

he heals, but their house is reasonably safe and he can steal food from their kitchen when no one's home and he's made a kind of comfy nest in the attic

his favorite spot tho is the crawl space behind andrew's room because nicky and aaron are too loud (nicky with talking to erik and aaron with katelyn/video games probably). andrew just listens to music and like. reads or something

as he heals, neil gets braver and starts to go out into the house more and more. maybe he cleans up the kitchen every now and then or he folds the towels they leave in the dryer as a thank you for their unknowing hospitality

(really he's just bored from being cooped up for so long, even if their house is the nicest place he's stayed in a long while.)

the cousins start to notice weird things are happening

nicky thinks the house is haunted

aaron thinks they're all just being forgetful about what they leave around the house

kevin thinks they need to check the carbon monoxide detector (he saw a documentary about it once and won't stop talking about it)

but andrew doesn't believe in the supernatural, and he also doesn't think it's a mass hallucination

he spends the most time at home, and he swears he's heard a muffle laugh or too when he makes fun of kevin

and what ghost changes the channel to espn

he swears he sees someone with striking blue eyes in the kitchen one night around 3am when he's getting a glass of water but when he turns on the light there's no one there and the doors are locked from the inside

kevin's not the only one who's seen a documentary, and andrew's just watched one about a man living in someone's walls

he mentions his theory one day at breakfast but everyone just thinks he's making fun of them, so he makes a plan to prove himself right

he researches into the history of the house and find the blueprints in some archival records, and sees the weird spaces in the walls (at the library of course, if there was someone living in his walls he wouldn't risk them seeing his investigating)

neil thought he was being careful, but he was getting comfortable there and he forgot to clean up his attic nest one day. he snuck out to grab some much needed supplies from the store and also to stretch his legs

this just so happens to be the day andrew goes investigating, and finds neil's hideaway

he's there waiting for neil when he returns

somehow neil convinces andrew to let him stay by saying "you've already taken in one stray after all (aka kevin) so why not another?"

andrew has to admit, he's got a point. and he really is very pretty

so andrew lets neil hideout in his room instead of in the crawl space behind the walls

andrew starts spending a lot more time in his room. the others hear strange noises and shuffling from behind the door, even when andrew isn't home

nicky and aaron think he's adopted a pet without telling them

(they're only half wrong)

yadda yadda andriel do their thing, they build trust by sharing secrets and truths and kisses, etc

andrew decides that neil is a permanent addition to his life, and he won't ever have to hide away again

one day nicky and aaron come home and andrew's cuddling on the couch with neil

"andrew, who is this"

"this is neil."

"cool ... where did he come from"

"he was living in the walls."

"... i'm sorry, what?"

"i was right. you both owe me $20"

"...i'm sorry, WHAT?"

"ssshhh, can you keep it down? he just fell asleep."

"Andrew. what the actual FUCK-"

unfortunately, andrew is no longer paying attention. he's much too busy playing with neil's hair as he dozes

and they all lived happily ever after and no body ever lived in the walls ever again

[ch6douin]

I’m glad you liked my drunk player showering plushies with kiss kiss ideas. Now i give you one more before I disappear into the night. Plushies giving player a “kiss” (just the plushies smooshing their face on players face, maybe even a hand kiss of its a more gentlemanly plush, jose plush I feel, most of the hunter plushes, maybe frederick, so many possibilities)

Andrew happening to walk by before noticing you kneeling down before his plushie self, he hides himself to watch this interaction. Andrew plushie keeps motioning the player forward as if to tell them a secret. And as players face is right there, it hesitates before summoning all the strength its little plush body has, and “kisses” you on the cheek. Startled, player moves back, before probably giving a gentle laugh and giving plush Andrew a lil forehead kiss. Andrew is kept awake at night by this, especially by player’s reaction.

Naib’s plush gives gnight kiss kiss. I imagine Naib, who’s probably still wary, would probably always be having an eye on player, so he doesn’t trust the plushie either; just cause its ugly in a cute way (kinda) doesn’t meant it doesn’t have malicious plans. Even if the player isn’t responsible for the game, they could still possibly be apart of the reason they arent able to leave. Still probably witnessing a peacefully sleeping player and Naib’s plush giving them a lil “kiss” on the lips has him stone faced but the red is starting to appear on his cheeks and tips of his ears, each time he witnesses it he gets a bit more relaxed cause players not doing anything suspicious. Still probably suspicious tho.

Emil and ada’s plushies give each other kisses. Player is often awing at the way they express their love to each other. They probably dont kiss player much but will take players hands to give player little finger kisses. These two plushs are one of the few that hang out with their survivor selfs a bit more than hanging around player. They melt ada and emils hearts everytime they see them.

Mikes plush does a LOT. Fucking plush will be on like a chandelier and player is speaking to another when suddenly the plush has jumped and done smooshed its face to player. It gives player a heart attack every time which is why its not done often. He probably will just jump on player relaxing to give a lil cheek kiss before back flipping away. Mike is both trying to stop it but also giving it more ideas.

Soul weaver plush is also kinda like mike in giving player a lil kiss in a big way. Im talking this lil plush can spit webs. Why? Because I said so. So players gonna get some web spit kisses at the most random times. Plush weaver can and will climb on you to perch on your shoulder just for a better angle to give you some regular kiss kiss or another wen spit kiss. Soul weaver herself is pretty bashful about it and plush weaver is given a stern talking to by her for every incident.

Enjoy my brain dump hope you like this one too

Thank you anon this is adorable you have my mind working with these. (Plushie!Andrew having more game than the actual Andrew is SO FUNNY btw.)

Not all of their plushies express their adoration towards player only by kisses though, Plush!Norton is often gifting you pretty-looking minerals and rocks to have your attention solely on it, and then, trying to use its small magnet to pull you towards it for a cheek kiss(it doesn't work). You think that maybe its counterpart is helping behind the curtains...

Plush!Emily is always at your disposal, if it senses you're not feeling well you can bet its grabbing the edge of your clothes and trying to drag you towards the Nurse's Office so the real Emily could help you. It gives those forehead kisses like a mother would, you know?

Plush!Luca with that eternal toothy smile of it zapping you playfully and running away before you react. Until it finally gets lifted by its collar and its next move is to swing towards your face and smash its own on your cheek. Other than that, Plushie!Luca is more often seen with the actual Luca who finds the plushie so intriguing and interacts with it a lot. It's so much easier to work when he has some help.

Plush!Anne is always seen with its counterpart too, Anne is so pleased to have this adorable company that she makes an exact copy of her glider and a catapult. You can see it gliding around often, dropping by your shoulder sometimes and giving the tiniest kiss to your cheek before gliding away as fast as it can.

Plush!Edgar is not really what you could call social, but its curiosity is piqued whenever you do something that involves art. This is when you see it at the most, demanding you put it on your lap or a nearby chair so it can tug at your clothes whenever it considers you're doing something wrong. Edgar checks his plushie now and then, after all, it cannot taint his reputation while using his face. It's not surprising though that Plushie!Edgar is just like his counterpart when guiding you through the process of making art, and that leaves Edgar with a satisfied smile. No, I don't think it would kiss you, let it be enough that you earned its attention.

Plush!Frederick is anywhere music is, walking around with elegance that a few plushies lack. It will seek you out though so the two of you can appreciate the beauty of music, and then, thank you with a kiss on the back of your hand. I'm not sure but I don't think it stays a lot with Frederick, so you won't see them together a lot.

Plush!Mary is hard to please, of course. She still likes to assert the composure of a Queen. Share with her desserts, dance with her, gift her cute ribbons and other accessories, and maybe, just maybe she'll kiss you.

PS: I was going to put Tracy or Martha too but i got lazy at the end plus I didn't know exactly what to write 💀

[joejhang]

i read die free or die a failure.

spoilers ahead !!! these are my thoughts and i'm a yapper.

THINGS I LIKED (in no particular order)

andrew. (i feel like i really enjoyed his characterisation even tho it wasn't accurate. like it still felt sort of like him just like he was more vocal??? more expressive??? idk like his real personality was all there. i feel like he didn't really do anything that canon andrew wouldn't do, he just did it more openly. i love the way he handled neil and i love his smartass comments he genuinely made me laugh. and yeah protective andrew is near and dear to my heart)

kevin-neil dynamic (i would include jean in this but i hate to say it i feel like jean didn't quite fit in the narrative. like he was just there. but he didn't have a LOT of personality. it's fine tho we have tsc and that's enough for me. anyway. i loved kevin and neil's sibling dynamic it was SO funny i think they deserve to have more silly brotherhood moments in canon. i also liked how the author rlly deepened their relationship and there were a lot of layers to their bond)

SETH (i'll say it till the day i die seth deserved better. i feel like dfodaf perfectly illustrates how seth could've been if he had been allowed more time and a redemption arc. maybe it was a little rushed but i LOVED the way he became like a protective older brother to neil and actually learned about his mistakes and was willing to own up to them. GOD he had so much potential)

martyr!neil (IDK I KNOW IT'S TOXIC IT WAS JUST REALLY REALLY WELL DONE. it's not completely in line w canon neil's personality tbh but i feel like the author just got one of neil's key personality traits (a penchant for self-sacrifice and getting into near death situations) and just exaggerated for narrative purposes. which i can respect. and i just genuinely think neil is the bestest boy and this is probably very similar to what he could've been like if he had grown up in the nest)

andreil build up (i say build up bc that's the part i loved most abt their relationship in this fic. like it just felt very right for them to be together romantically after everything they went thru in this fic together. and i feel like andreil is a difficult ship to rewrite and make good bc of how well nora developed the intimacy and trust between them but this fic did it right. like the amount of trust they had in each other rlly warmed my heart!!! and i'm honestly a bit of a traditionalist and i like to stick to the canon but i think within the context of this fic their relationship was developed perfectly and paced perfectly. it just felt like the final piece in the puzzle slipped into place when they actually officially got together. like it just made sense. bc they already had that pre-existing foundation of trust and consent and they already knew each other really well. and their banter!!! it was so well written and funny. they had GREAT chemistry. they cooked w this one)

THINGS I KINDA DIDN'T LIKE (no hate!!! i'm just a natural hater and these r just some criticisms)

neil. (SORRYYYY i just can't stand when they mischaracterise my boy!!!! i feel like it kind of is a personal preference but reading this fic didn't really feel like i was reading neil. i think in the first half it was fine and i wasn't bothered by it too much but by the second half it kind of took me out of the narrative. like the neil i know and love isn't this vocal or this open about like...anything. like i just felt like neil in this fic was just very like out there and a lot louder and more...talkative??? than neil in canon. and i think it bothered me a lot bc one of the things i love most abt neil is his quiet (until he's not) personality. like he's really chill and just isn't as like vocal as he was in this fic. again it's probably just me, but i just feel like the neil characterisation in this fic didn't feel quite right to me)

the dialogue (not all of it but a lot of it i remember being like oh ok. like it felt a little too...like blunt??? like the dialogue felt kind of jarring bc i feel like real ppl wouldn't speak like that. a lot of the conversations felt kind of awkward (this isn't me imposing my own like preferences onto this fic even within the narrative it didn't feel right) and i feel like a lot of what aftg does right in terms of writing is showing not telling the characters' thoughts and feelings whether thru actions or expressions. but in this fic it kind of felt like the characters were all just saying exactly what they were thinking and feeling and experiencing at all times and it kinda took me out of the story)

ok that's it. the things i liked outnumbered the things i disliked but the things i disliked were some pretty big things. STILL. i digress. i think writing such a long and complicated fic abt such a well-loved piece of writing is such a skill and i think the author did great even if there were things i personally didn't love about it. go read it PLEASE so i can discuss this w ppl. CHECK TW!!! there are a lot and this fic is very dark and very heavy and difficult to read at times. anyway. props to the author i had a great time.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31265498/chapters/77287217

[luxxbean]

My educational Exy commentary, coming from a lacrosse player

I really hate people who write about playing exy itself and they’re like “andrew threw the ball at Kevin’s knees and he laughed and walked it off” like no. That shit hurts

I play lacrosse and I am a goalie (literally Andrew Minyard) and can just imagine him bulked up with the protective gear. The chest protectors alone make me look like Iron Man most of the time

I know that the exy goal is not necessarily a goal but just a fucking section of the wall and I need you guys to think about how IMPOSSIBLE that is to defend. There is twice the amount of area to cover with even less reaction time depending on the crease (?) around the goal. Kevin Day coming at you and side-arm shooting a ball 100 mph? I’m moving out of the way.

Now, give or take, the balls we use in lacrosse and the balls used in Exy seem to be the same. Which is truly not much of a comfort because they hurt

Helmets? Best invention yet. Saved me from tons of concussions

However: mouth guards being optional is something I have Up For Debate. With my helmet, I have no need for it- however, I stay in my secure spot at the goal for nearly the entire time. My teammates, helmet-less? No mouth guard = no teeth. Even with helmets, probably.

Wooden defense racquets: get rid of them please that sounds god awful ❤️

Plexiglass: hate it but I also thrive on the ball going out of bounds so I can steal it. Would be insane to bounce balls off the wall to my teammates tho I kind of wish we had that

Now, the goalie box around the goal is something I want to touch on yet again. There is absolutely no way to stop people from going in there; rules or not, it will happen. What happens if they do?? For my sake and yours I hope it has the same rules as lacrosse does. Give goalie the ball + shot is nullified. Simply because I love to yell at people in my space

Nora please I really need more rules for Exy can the goalkeepers score. In men’s lacrosse they can, but in women’s? In my dreams. However, Exy is coed. Give me answers please (if it’s in the books forgive me I have not read in two years)

Now. If anything I have said sounds off. It’s because I know little to nothing about men’s lacrosse. Mainly, because they stink. Other than that, though, is because I don’t care enough to learn their rules.

thank you for your time 🥲

[ninyard]

hello! I was scrolling through your asks re: the trial (and let me just say I'm really enjoying your tweets they're top tier) and I had thoughts as another law student among the masses (not in the US tho). South Carolina laws are pretty much in favour of Aaron if he builds a self-defense claim. "If you reasonably feel that you or another person is in immediate danger of death, serious bodily harm, or sexual assault, you have the right to use deadly force in self-defense." Secondly it's a stand-your-ground state which means a person using deadly force in self-defence is not required to attempt a retreat before using it, as long as they have a right to be in that place. So circumstances are more or less in favour of Aaron. What's really important to me tho is Neil's testimony. There's a reason Betsy asks him so much about the incident after he's labelled a hostile witness by the cops. It's a key detail that it was Neil's racquet, it was Neil who brought it inside the house and up the stairs, and it was Neil who broke upon the door — but it was Aaron who swung the racquet. That works more in favour of acquitting Aaron than anything else, because it shows a huge gap in the premeditation argument when the person doing the actual killing didn't have the murder weapon in his hands and never planned to have it until he killed someone with it. Another thing is that proving any intention on Aaron's part is the job of the prosecution. Once it's established that Andrew was SA'ed in that room, it's gonna be hard for the prosecution to convince a jury that Aaron's intention was rage and not to defend his brother. A few things that work in his favour (or would at least in my country) is that it was a single blow (no matter that it was lethal), there was no unnecessary cruelty, and that an exy racquet is not a typical weapon of violence (the Ravens are laughing at this post). And finally, the super important fact that Drake was already under investigation in Oakland for CSA of the foster kids in his house, and that Andrew was one of those foster kids, and that Drake wasn't allowed to be in South Carolina at all (which is why Neil is so insistent that Higgins be contacted about the whole incident, because he can provide all the info needed for that particular part of the investigation) are all gonna help Aaron's case. So yes bottom line is I think it's actually extremely unlikely Aaron is gonna be convicted. There's just a mountain of evidence in his favour. Lastly, tumblr keeps unfollowing you for me. I'm gonna correct that right now. Thank you for all your posts!

we’ve talked a little bit about the stand your ground laws on here before and i think we ultimately came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t hold up because luther invited drake willingly into their home. self defence is still on the table and probably the most likely outcome tbh

but you’re right that neil is the key to aaron’s acquittal, and the empathy i think a jury would have seeing andrew on the stand would be huge in deciding which way they’re gonna sway with the verdict.

and it’s also a good point to note that the exy racquet isn’t typically used as a weapon. it’s not like neil handed aaron a gun or a knife. i don’t think there’s any doubt that it wasn’t premeditated murder, but it’s just about convincing a jury that he may not be innocent but he should still be found not guilty of murder

[meraki-sunset]

how closely would you say your trollsona represents/resembles you? i'm trying to make one and i'm not sure where to draw the line between them being their own character and being a representation of me. i'm asking you bc yours seems well thought-out and also i really like the design :D

I thinks it resembles me a lot in personality, tho not that much in appearance anymore since my hair has grown longer since i made her.

It's funny you mention it, the first trollsona i made ended up evolving into an oc, because it became more and more of a character of it's own, with a backstory, oc friends, etc. at some point it was no longer me and I grew out of it. the same happened to some friend's first sonas, they evolved into characters because we builded this whole world around them and detached from us.

Whit Meraki,l she represents me as a troll, she is to me like what "orange skin homestuck hussie" is to actual andrew hussie. When people say Meraki, they are talking about me, it's my internet name by now. The character Meraki is like an avatar, so i can insert myself in the internet, roleplays and in comics. my trollsona can jump through diferent scenarios and situations but in the end she is me if i was in those scenarions. it think that's what diferenciates a sona from an OC. For an oc you create everything about it, from design to backstory to relationships with other ocs. they exist in fantasy, while the sona, even as an alien or moster or wizard, it's you at it's core.

I personaly think of it kinda like reality shifting, as if i woke up in a diferent body or like in avatar (the blue aliens) where you jump into a diferent body to go to another planet. To me the character should look like you to some extent, and be like you in personality, react like you to situations, break the forth wall ever now and then. They can be an idealized version of you. maybe a little more extroverted, or composed, or brave, or have the hair you would like to have. At the same time maybe they have the same neclace you use every day, or dress like you do in real life, or like the foods you like, etc. Meraki is like me when i'm with friends, a little loud and bubbly, trying to make people laugh, while in regular everyday life i'm more introverted.

Meraki looks like me when i first made her, short sunflower hair and wears long skirts, and i never changed her design because i feel like that's still me even if i no longer look like that (i'm planing on cuting my hair short again at some point, i just like it how it is now)

In the end it's all up to you. you might change and grow and your sona might change with you. you might outgrow it and create a new one and that's normal. With sonas you mix yourself with ficcion. To me they're like avatars in a videogame and it makes sence they won't always be or look like you

So to answer your question shorlty, if you don't know where to draw the line between you and character, try for it to be more you than a character, for it to be you in another scenario, in another world.

[hollowhearts-and-espresso]

just little solangelo thoughts

im just chilling going through the solangelo tag so heres some lil thoughts that have been provoked from such activities

-parallel between percy and annabeth standing/sitting back to back in tartarus when they finally can rest bc they have each others backs to nico and will in tsats fighting back to back bc they've both been stabbed in the back enough already

-nico is a literal fucking sewer rat kind of (in the most loving way ofc) but also hes not he literally glows with alt and gothic beauty and has a beautiful accent and an amazing smile and smooth, milky skin and will (who is kind of a beautifully groomed golden retriever) is actually a fucking dumpster dog who jumped out at him when nico was hiding in the alley and hasnt left his side since

-will watched nico let an anemic fucking loser launch himself into the atmosphere and immediately and immensely fell in love and nico took one look at the hand that still has amniotic sac fluid on it holding his and thought 'holy shit i wanna kiss him'

-apollo literally saying 'i dont care if my son has a boyfriend. i've had a lot. and compared to some of mine, holy SHIT could will be doing worse' and i think thats great

-nico and will are not achilles and patroclus they are apollo and hycanth and apollo literally mentioned the similarities he saw in the relationships and im POSITIVE hades sees it too and is so so scared for his son because he saw what losing someone he loved that much did to apollo

-even tho they're not quite achilles and patroclus their love and wrath for the otehrs death would still be enough to shake the gods and im fully convinced zues sat hades down one day and was like 'listen dude you gotta protect the little blonde kid. i dont wanna go through that again' and hades was like 'lol pussy. gotchu tho'

-william andrew solace who is the LITERAL son of sunshine and has magic glow powers and is the best medic the camp has had in years would and probably has poke an infected creature of unidentified species and decide that it’s probably maybe not poisonous and bring it to his bf because why not

-also he definitely has/will have full sleeves of tattoos on both arms and a bunch on his legs and back and they will have absolutely no specific meaning or reason or order (other than the star on his shoulderblade for his first and only love and the sun on his chest for himself)

-nico would get a lot of tattoos but they’d all mean something to him (things bianca used to like, the groups initials, etc)

-william andrew solace was born and raised in fuckin texas with his single rocker mama (who was ALSO born and raised in texas) and is an overworked med student and has gone through all that shit he’s been through by 15. that bitch is a fucking DICK. he will cut you for touching his stuff and if you’re a dick he will absolutely NOT treat you (‘i havent sworn under oath yet as a doctor, chiron’) and he has absolutely pulled a gun on someone back home for the dumbest shit

-nico is a fucking softie don’t lie. he spends one third of his time crying, the other third waxing poetic about his boyfriend will doing normal day shit, and the last third convincing his dickhead sunshine boyfriend to treat the guy with poison ivy because ‘he called me weird, will, that’s not even that insulting’

-kayla and austin have definitely thrown them in the lake. multiple times. it’s a past time at this point. leo has helped on a few occasions and lester did once only to be fucking decked by his son in law for messing up the snack he made for will while will lost his shit laughing in the back

[cupid-roses]

What op men voices look like and what they smell like by me!!!

So for context I have two types of synesthesia. One where I can see the colors of people’s voices and the other is where I can vividly smell pictures (very weird combo but it’s there!)

So here are some standout colors and smells of one piece men

Shanks

His voice color is a rusty brown color. It’s honestly not that bad and the color is more on the warm side then cool and I enjoy it when he laughs because the color bounces around my vision. wish I could hear his voice more often but then again i am still in pre time skip (tho I have been spoiled for everything but honestly I don’t mind, spoilers doesnt make or break a piece of media for me)

Smells are much more fun because it’s not just me identifying voice actors but the characters themselves:] on that note shanks smells extremely sweet. Maraschino cherries, candied strawberries and just an underlying scent of blood. If I would have to choose another picture that he smells most similar to it would be the birth of Venus by Alexander cabanel

buggy

His voice is a very nice sea green and some people have multiple colors and when he laughs I get some navy blue and neon green. His colors are much more stable compared to shanks’ and don’t move around much but when he screams it wiggles so that’s fun

His scent is fucking delicious smelling. Smells like a god damn bakery. Gingerbread, chocolate chip cookies, and vanilla icing. But there is also this kinda chemical scent with it as well that I can only describe as like nitroglycerin??? Idk it just reminds me of like fireworks and when I think nitroglycerin I think fireworks. A painting he smells most similar to is the creation of Adam by Michelangelo

Corazón

This guys voice is so fucking beautiful bro. I cannot express enough how much I love this voice. It is a very rich burgundy color and it is constantly dancing around often coming into swirls.

The only way that I can describe his scent is that he smells like the concept of religion. Red wine, incense, blood, and lilacs. There is also hints of firewood and pomegranate. He often smells like a lot of Virgin Mary iconography to me. But the most closely associated smell I get from him is pietá by William-adolphe bouguereau

Doflamingo

His voice is very colorful bright neon orange with times getting a sky blue or a white. His voice has never moved and is just constantly- still. I don’t remember a single time the colors so much a jiggled. It’s quite literally just dots that fade out when he stops taking and that’s about it

This man has a very interesting smell. He smells like corpses rotting and the black mold in my bathroom but also very specifically the honey barbecue chicken my brother makes. He also has like a hint of a lily smell??? Very weird and very unique to say the least. It’s not very close but it was the closet I could find and that was the painting anguish by August Fredrich schnck

Mihawk

This man has the most dull grey voice ever. And beige. just a very sad beige. His voice bores me to tears with how underwhelming the colors are. But in the opla Steven got a very nice jade green color. Back to anime, his voice moves around violently it’s just constantly trying to take over my vision and just ping ponging around. It could have been fun if it wasn’t such boring colors.

His scent on the other hand— blackberries and ink. Kinda smells like a library with the book and dust scent. But it is very nice smell. I would love to have it as a cologne. The painting he smells the most like is Christina’s world by Andrew Wyeth

[fox-pr1nce]

OK so I just saw your edit of Alice in the incest dream and I have a lot of questions since I'm not familiar with Alice lore. Are the three of them in a polycule?? And if so, does Alice sub for their siblings or are they switch? (Ain't no way Alice is domming Andrew LOL). Has Andrew or Ashley made any flirtatious advances towards Alice (like Andrew putting his fingers in Ashley's belt loops)? Lastly, how would the burial path go if the three are in a polycule? How would Renee react to her children 'fucking each other' and what would Alice's reaction be to their mother's assumptions?

Oh boy, I get to write some nsfw Alice stuff! :D

1) They officially become a polycule after the first time they have sex (I assume this would be the scene we see in the vision)

2) Ur thing abt no way Alice doms Andrew actually made me burst out laughing XD (/gen) Alice is a sub/switch with a heavy bottom lean. 

3) Andrew definitely has the same habit of putting his fingers in Alice’s belt loops like he does w/ Ashley. And Ashley is just as touchy and cuddly with Alice as she is with Andrew, probably even more so with how cuddly Alice also is. I wanna imagine Andrew keeping a hand on the small of Alice’s back in public sometimes. He just,,, always has to be holding onto them someway. They’re so small, what if they get lost? Or what if someone tries to creep on them cause they decided to wear something a bit more revealing? “Here, wear my jacket/flannel.” “Don’t wander off.” I think after the vision, Ashley becomes a bit more flirty and touchy to mess with both them and Andrew. 

4) As of now I’ve been imagining Andrew attempting to distance himself affection-wise after the vision, so as to not potentially give in to his more taboo urges. Alice is torn between being a brat to get Andrew’s attention, or continue playing the sweet little sibling and give Andrew space until he warms up to affection again. Alice gladly soaks up all of Ashley’s affection during this time, tho at the same time is extremely flustered abt the sudden surge in love from her. After the vision inevitably comes true, the 3 continue playing the relatively normal siblings, but in private become even more attached at the hips. Ashley becomes extra lovey, and Andrew is wayyy more touchy and protective. Alice pretty much goes full house-spouse and/or violently loyal dog-mode lol

5) Renee’s reaction would pretty much be the same as it is in game. I think she’d be a little disappointed in Alice, but not as disappointed as she is at Andrew. Renee remembers what a little menace Alice was in elementary school, and how they participated in _ _ _ _’s death, but she thought they somewhat (keyword: somewhat) cleaned up their act in middle and highschool. She still caught on to how weird they are.

6) Alice thinks their mother’s reaction is absolutely hilarious, and they definitely join Ashley in that extra affectionate greeting and hug to Andrew to make the situation worse lol

[issie-https]

Working Mom

Dave Grohl X Reader

A/n: Just a little something while I work on the requests❤️ I recently got into a show called ‘Workin Moms’ on Netflix and I love it! I defo recommend giving it a watch.

Word count: 1091

Warnings: Daddy Grohl(not in a sexual way tho👀), angst, swearing

Masterlist

༺✩༻

“Y/n, wake up," I heard Dave whisper. I woke up and looked at the clock beside me and it read '7:02am'. "I can have five more minutes," I groaned. "You told me to wake you up at seven, it's two past seven," he replied. "Three more minutes then," I yawned. "Y/n. Get. Up." He said, nudging me to the edge of the bed. Then our baby, Alfie, started crying. "Alfie needs boob. I don't have any," he said, kissing my cheek. I groaned loudly and slugged to his room.

He came into Alfie's room mid feed and whistled. "You're so gross," I rolled my eyes and held back a laugh. "Says the one that eats food off her shirt," he replied, standing behind me and massaging my shoulders. "Would you rather me waste it or drop it on the floor," I said. "How much does this kid eat?" He asked. "However much he feels like every two to three hours," I replied. "I could eat that much," he said. "You do eat that much," I laughed lightly, "can you burp him?". He took Alfie and started patting his back. "Us drummers need their energy," he said. "And us mummy's need our energy but i don't empty the cupboards within five hours of the shop being done," I replied, going out the bedroom and into our room. "Maybe we should be an ingredient household," he mocked. "You'd eat flour," I said, changing into my blouse and skirt. Just as Dave was about to say something, Alfie burped, making Dave laugh.

"Okay, I'm off now. I've briefed you and once again, only call if he is dead or on fire," I said, grabbing my car keys and bag. "What happens in the death is in progress?" He joked. "David Eric Grohl," I scolded. "Have a great day," he said, kissing my lips. "You too. I know you can do this," I praised, heading out the door.

"Look who's back!" My work and best friend, Nicole, cheered as she ran over to give me a hug. "Back and more ready to work than ever," I smiled, squeezing her tight. "Sorry to ruin your mood but we have a meeting first thing," she said somewhat carefully. "And I'm already fantasising about killing Andy," I rolled my eyes as we headed to the meeting room.

"Ah, Y/n, welcome back! How's Dave and Alfie?" My boss, Andrew, said. "Dave is amazing, loving being a daddy. Archie is loving Dave. I'm loving... food, mainly," I replied. "Well, thank you for coming back. Let's jump right into the meeting," he said.

The meeting was very bland, just something about partnering with another company for a project.

I finally got back to my old office. I've missed the view. Through the completely glass windows, I could see the cityscape, windows glistening, cars dashing around and people tending to their everyday needs. My first piece of work since coming back was now on my desk, getting my blood flowing to get back to work.

Ten minutes after my lunch break and pump, my work phone started ringing. "Hello, you've reached Y/n at-" I started. "Y/n, help. He won't stop crying. I- I don't know w-what to do," I heard Dave say, distressed and tears evident in his voice. "Honey, what happened?" I replied, concern getting to me. "He won't stop crying and I've done everything. Feeding, diaper change, nap, play time, book. Everything," he cried. "Has he hurt anything or got nappy rash or got any more teeth coming through?" I asked, searching for a reason our son was literally wailing on the other side of the phone. "No, I've checked," he replied out of breath. "Okay, give me fifteen to twenty minutes and I will be there. Stay strong, handsome," I said, shoving my things back into my bag. "Okay. I love you," he said and hung up the phone.

"Andrew, I really need to go home. I'm so fucking sorry but Alfie is literally screaming murder," I rushed. "I understand. Will you be in tomorrow?" He replied. "Yes! Thank you!" I replied, yelling as I ran to the lift.

I got into my car and sped home, most likely earning myself a few speeding tickets on the way.

"Dave, angel, I'm home," I yelled from the front door, hearing Alfie screaming as loud as possible. "Help me," he cried, handing our son to me. "Look at me. You're doing fucking amazing, lots of people don't have dads because they can't handle it. But here you are, you're doing amazing," I praised.

I stripped Alfie down to his nappy and checked him all over for any indication of what could be making him make me and Dave go deaf. I lightly pressed on his stomach and I could feel the gas in his stomach. "He's got trapped gas," I sighed. "How? I burped him," he also sighed. "It happens to everyone, honey. He needs a little massage or some crap that I read in that stupid book," I said. "Teach me because if I have to go deaf from a child, I will shove my drumsticks in my chest," he sighed.

I showed him how to get the gas un trapped or whatever and the second he farted, he was silent. "Thank you so fucking much. I love you," he smiled tiredly, hugging me and kissing me. "Well, I'm home for the rest of the day and it's two forty-seven now. What should we do?" I asked, putting Alfie's outfit back on. "He missed nap time and I'm going to cry if I don't sleep soon so how about a nap?" He said, rubbing our sons back. "That sounds amazing I need to change into my pyjamas first so you have a little cuddle with the velociraptor," I replied, handing him the fucking dinosaur that came out of me. "I'd say he's a pterodactyl," he said, kissing our son on the head. "True. How about you put him to bed while I change," I suggested. "Deal," he agreed.

I changed into my pyjamas and saw Dave sprawled out on the bed in just his boxers. "Baby got back," I sang, slapping his ass. "How the tables have turned," he laughed as I pretty much just collapsed into bed. He pulled me to his chest and stroked my hair, kissing the top of my head. "I love you so much," he whispered. "I love you so much too," I replied, closing my eyes.

[mayasdeluca]

Ik the pandemic kinda got in the way a bit but how do you think maya made up for the cheating? She promised carina to do whatever it takes to make things right. Unfortunately we didnt see much which is a shame but I understand as obviously covid and doctors/firefighters being on the frontline helping people was the main focus I think they could've shown something tho as as you've mentioned before carina was in the background acting like a house wife for the first like 5 eps of s4 so they could've done soemthing in that time or atleast hinted at it. I dont like that they made maya do that then it was barely even relevant and she had to shoulder the ENTIRE blame (despite her ot being in her tight mind and I will die on the hill that j*ck was also very responsible and it's unfair he just got away with ruining another rl with no consequences or apology) and maya never really had much of a chance to redeem herself unless you count her helping carina grieve andrew and missing her inspection, putting her job at risk, to help her

I wish we got to see that part of their relationship and it wasn't just skipped over because it was such a crucial part. I think a lot of us already thought Carina forgave Maya pretty quickly and then suddenly with Covid and everything they were moving in together and we didn't really see any of the trust being rebuilt but I would think it would've had to have been a lot of communication between the two of them and Maya just being a strong presence for Carina and not pushing too hard but also making sure she knew that she wanted to work on things so that they went back to how they were before she cheated. And while this is also something Maya struggled with throughout the seasons even after Season 3, I think not just leaving after they fight or have any sort of conflict was probably important for Carina too and you could tell Maya was getting better at that as time went on (unless it was something pretty major like in 7x04).

It always bothered me too that Jack basically was never held accountable for his part in what happened and we never got to see Carina confront him about it and it was played off as just a 'jealousy' thing that Maya mentioned to him in 4x02 which I found a little ridiculous because there wasn't a single thing to be jealous of. And Carina had every right to tell him off and she deserved an apology from him as well. But of course somehow it just turned into him doing what he always does and people feeling sorry for him anyway and then Carina somehow 'laughing' about it later on in Season 5 and them finding any sort of way to force that dynamic in the most cringe way possible. Will never be something that was appealing to me.

[justagalwhowrites]

“This one shouldn’t fuckin’ jam on you,” he said, a thread of pain in his voice. You looked up at him. His face was hard. You reached out to touch him but he stepped back from you. “Let me see how you shoot it.” 

It felt oddly exposing, setting up to shoot a target with Joel’s eyes on you, examining everything you were doing. It was harder to think straight this way, the feeling of his gaze seeping into your stance. 

You swallowed, hard, and shot. The bullet went wide, landing on the hay bale that Bill had set up at one point in time to practice. 

“Here,” Joel came up behind you. “Both hands.”

He guided your grip on the weapon and adjusted your arms. 

“Open your stance up a bit”

He nudged your feet apart, putting his leg between your own. You could feel him there behind you. He smelled good, freshly showered, his hair slicked back. Your first instinct was to bury your nose in his neck and breathe him in, fill your lungs and blood with him until there was nowhere else left for him to go.

“Keep both eyes open, don’t squint.” 

He kept his hands below your biceps. You took a shaky breath. 

“Don’t be nervous,” he said. “Just a target.” 

“Not nervous,” you muttered. 

“Feel nervous.”

“You just don’t know how I feel anymore,” you said before thinking better of it.

He laughed once.

“Guess not. When you’re ready.” 

alright bestie we all knew this was coming lmfao

here is the lavender moment that i would love to get a joel pov or joel thoughts or literally anything you wanna talk about lol

LOVE YOU AND ALL YOUR JOELS SO MUCH

lavender joel more than most tho

AHHH BESTIE!

DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY TIME!

OK SO

This is such a great moment to me, it's kind of the foundation for this new journey for Joel and Doc. Their relationship is in a totally different space than it's ever been before. For a decade and a half, it was all on Joel's terms. He was the one who decided they couldn't be together, he was the one who decided he didn't want to even know her anymore, he was the one who decided who they were to each other and Doc tried to live within that standard without being in too much pain and not hurting him.

But, after the Andrew incident outside the QZ, things changed. Joel had been wearing down for a while - trying to emotionally disentangle yourself from the love of your life when they haven't done anything wrong and would take you back in an instant if you even glanced in their direction will do that to you - but so had Doc. There was only so much she could take from him before it broke her and he'd pushed her to that point. By this time in the story, she still loves him - she's resigned herself to always being in love with him - but has washed her hands of him as much as someone can while being in love with someone else. She's done pursuing a connection with him, she's done holding out any kind of hope and she's decided that she's not going to just let him use her because that's what she thinks their relationship has been for him all this time. That she was convenient, something he could have when he wanted and put down when he was done over and over again (which honestly hurts to think about, she loved him so much that, for so long, she was fine with that as long as he just picked her back up again.) She still cares for him, she still wants him to be OK and be happy and healthy but she is no longer wishing/hoping/trying for it to be with her. So when Joel - who is finally caving to his feelings after some sheer panic of "Oh my God what if I never see her again" - starts trying to show her care of any kind, she backs away from it.

Joel here is coming as close as he can to saying "I can't handle losing you, let me give you the tools you need to survive" and she's trying to keep her distance. Joel really does not know how to navigate that. He also doesn't know how to navigate his own feelings and he's starting to realize - pretty fast and pretty intensely - that he's wasted 15 years of their lives pushing her away. He could have been with her that whole time and instead he made them both miserable. He's in his reckoning now and I love that for him.

I hope this gives you some insight!! Love you!!!!!