#(except not actually because I have another post I've been wanting to make since before I got distracted by all the drama and opinions xD)

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

alright was I the only one who thought Carlos was gonna say they were beards before I realized he was talking about Iris

[meanbossart]

Another much overdue ask compilation! Some short-ish lore asks (Gale, Gort, DU drow relationships and pet-companion preferences) and a couple of art/advice ones sprinkled in. THIS IS BY NO MEANS ALL OF MY ASKS so as usual I appreciate everyone's patience!

I actually think he'd give them a pass entirely as soon as he noticed. Correct me if I'm mistaken but half-drow get No love from underdark drow and are usually surface babies right? So that fruit is miles away from the tree lol. I think he generally has a bit of a soft spot for mixed kinds since he himself feels like an amalgamation of sorts.

Thank you! They're kind of a pain in the ass to draw at times for that very reason but man I do like the look 😩if other people like it too then that makes it all worth it!

THAT'S TRICKY TO ANSWER BECAUSE OFTEN TIMES I'M NOT... REALLY TRYING. I've draw a ton of horror comics for mine and my partner's series' SAD SACK and SORTIE, so I think it just comes naturally to me 😅 also I do genuinely find expressive and, uh, rugged faces more attractive? (I think they look rugged, again that's what people tell me at least.)

I think the secret might be adding bits of realism in there. I get a lot of comments about the wrinkles and eyelashes I add to my art, as well as the way I draw individual teeth (though I've lately been making an effort to simplify my style in favor of drawing faster, so I haven't done that as much or in as much detail.)

Both symmetry and the lack of it can also add to that effect. I have employed both facial unevenness and almost point-perfect symmetry to achieve something a little frightening or otherworldly in my work. [MORE UNDER THE CUT]

Thank you so much!!! The contrast is very much intentional, that's what DU drow's character is all about ;)

Hahah well I somewhat doubt Bhaal would care that his spawn gets named, but either way he stripped himself of his name as soon as he killed his foster parents and abandoned the Underdark. He had a drow name that I jotted down somewhere but it's completely irrelevant because nobody has used it since he was a child, and he doesn't remember it (even pre-tadpole/having his brain scrambled.) Here's a little write up about his origins that might shed some more light on that: https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/739688837431836672/did-drow-ever-have-a-childhood-before-the-temple

And about his original drow-given name and the reason behind it: https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/741350986692591616/drow-had-to-have-been-given-a-name-by-his-adoptive

Everyone just referred to him as his supposed race, or as Bhaalspawn or Bhaal's child, and any other similar titles. Orin called him "kin" and "brother" and Gortash likely called him his associate. Post-tadpole the camp grows entirely used to calling him "the drow" and he has no desire to change that or to choose a proper name.

THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH😭 no reason to be intimidated, I'm just some rando drawing BG3 fan art LOL I've been drawing since I was a child, and started taking it semi-seriously when I was 16 years old, so twelve years ago! That's around the time where I got my first non-display tabled and used that well into my twenties, prior to that I only did stuff on paper and liked to do inks color with pencils. I never really ventured into traditional painting at all except for a little bit of water-coloring in college.

Traditional and Digital art are very much different beasts. Which one you want to start with is, in my opinion, just dependent on what you want to do. Digital art gives you a lot of tools that makes learning easier, but you might find yourself having much steeper of a learning curve if you ever decide to do traditional art instead. If you want to be good at both, you need to practice both, since the skill doesn't entirely translate from one medium to the other.

Naturally you will be able to draw well on either, it's just... Different. I will say though, that I think if you're still learning you should use whatever allows you to look directly at what your hand is doing, so either traditional or display tablet/Ipad. I have no idea what a non-display tablet would do to a beginner, but remembering my experience with it I feel like it might be a huge detriment to developing the skill (feel free to share your experiences in the replies if you disagree, as I would definitely be curious to read them!)

YOU KNOW ME BABY IT WAS MESSY AND COMPLICATED the tldr.: is that they were "buddies", absolutely no romance intended there on either mine or DU drow's part, but due to his nature the friendship was extremely weird.

Here's a couple of replies where I go into more detail about it: https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/739191190871818240/i-dont-have-a-particular-question-in-mind-sorry

https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/744952815768764416/so-not-sure-if-youve-covered-this-but-i-thought

That's definitely reserved for the vamp LOL DU drow very much enjoys when Astarion teases and fusses over him, and while Astarion probably got a kick out of acting that way around such a big and scary looking guy at first, I think by "now" (later and post-game) he's pretty much immune to DU drow's looks and just enjoys doing it in earnest.

He's not at all averse to being touched (even rather intimately) by close friends, but he wouldn't be quite THAT vulnerable with anyone else.

HE REALLY DISLIKED GALE... He irked him out by seemingly fostering a rather persistent romantic interest in him for at least half the time they spent together (very much based on my interpretation of their in-game interactions at the time, though my Gale might have been a little bugged.)

But also they had a... Fairly in depth relationship still? Gale was a staple in my party, and even though I antagonized him constantly by the end of the game it still felt like they had so much weight in each other's lives, if that makes sense. I might need to do a bit of an "update" on the DU Drow/Gale lore sometime, I feel like I've had some thoughts since that warrant more exploration of their dynamic (you can find a lot of old asks about it if you just search the Gale Dekarios tag in my blog though).

The gist of it is that DU drow found him arrogant and duplicitous, his constant optimist irritated him to no end and felt like it veiled a stream of self-pity (two things DU drow despises) Gale's attempts to get through to him only added insult to injury. By the end of the game he decided to pursue the crown of Karsus and this only lost him even more respect in Drow's eyes, seeing as he doesn't value godly power at all.

I was pretty overwhelmed by the game at the start so I actually missed a lot LOL including Scratch. I did get the owlbear cub though, which DU drow gladly welcomed into camp since it was injured - but I think he would have wished for it to remain a wild animal and to return back to it's home after it had grown up a bit. He didn't really make a "pet" out of it more than he just looked after the little guy in the way it's mother might have, probably with Shadowheart's help.

He wouldn't be opposed to proper pets though if one were to stumble into his life. He'd definitely be more of a cat guy because of their independence and strong little attitudes.

It is very hard to build proper rapport with him. He will be "friendly" to most people who have a good sense of humor about them, but friendSHIP is another thing entirely.

I think it's kind of circumstantial. He's very economical in his relationships and doesn't really seek them out at all - so a situation where he's forced to be in someone's company might be the only way to develop a bond with him, as he doesn't appreciate insistence either and that's more likely to push him away. He doesn't value status or titles either (kind of looks down on them really) so that won't help.

I think he just likes people who are true to themselves and their nature, sometimes even if the nature is one he disagrees with at it's core. This is why he liked Gortash, why he and Shadowheart got along so well, and why him and Astarion fit together so seamlessly despite seeming so different. Likewise I think it's why he didn't jive with people like Gale or Wyll, because they seemed to be rather... Dishonest with themselves and their own end-goals.

[acourtofthought]

My husband finally put into words for me something that has been the main problem with this whole Anti Gwynriel because of Gwyn's past narrative.

According to Anti's, it's not ok to ship Gwyn with Az because she's not healed enough and hasn't shown that she's ready for a relationship.

According to Anti's, fanart of Gwynriel in provocative positions are not appropriate because it's disrespectful to Gwyn due to her SA, that she needs to first give verbal consent before we're allowed to imagine what a HEA for Gwynriel might look like.

And at first, it almost feels like a gotcha for them because you question whether you're disrespecting real survivors by saying, "she doesn't need to give consent for us to ship them since it's a book." This statement is true, I don't think readers should be forced to abide by real world morals when it comes to possible paths a characters arc might take, however it makes you pause for a moment to question whether what you're saying is disrespectful to those who have been victims.

But he actually flipped that entire thing on it's head when he said, "if the issue is about consent, then why is only being applied to a SA victim? Shouldn't consent be applied to everyone?"

It was kind of a lightbulb moment for me because those Anti's never vocalize how it's wrong for people to ship Eris & Az, Mor & Emerie, Vassa & Lucien (SA victim), Lucien, Jurian & Vassa, the LoA & Helion (because at this point they are not a consenting pair), Nesta & Eris. There are a bunch of non canon, non consent ships in this series and nobody has an issue with those. Nobody takes up the crusade arguing that it's wrong for people in the fandom to imagine those pairings together or drawing fanart of them in NSFW positions. Most of the time they're celebrated but has Emerie consented to having a sexual relationship with Mor? All she did was call her beautiful and Feyre had done the same in ACOMAF. Why do they never call out fanart of that pairing? Or Neris after Nesta harshly rejected him? Where Eris is currently suffering torture at the hands of Beron and we've got no clue as to his sexual preference. Also, Elain only consented to a fully clothed kiss in the bonus (remember, she grew up with human morals which she still holds fast too, she didn't jump right into bed with Graysen), we have no evidence she wanted more yet there's plenty of NSFW E/riel artwork out there and I'm betting some existed before SF, before she even consented to a kiss.

The only time I've ever heard anyone argue for consent or argue against NSFW art is in relation to Az and Gwyn and the message they're sending is that only female characters who have been SA need to give consent before fans should be shipping them.

That's when the shipping agenda makes itself known because if no other non-canon / non-consenting pairing disturbs them to the point they need to create post after post surrounding how wrong people are for shipping them, then it's clear to see that it's only Gwyn being shipped with Az that they take issue with and when only E/riels make these arguments, it seems highly suspect.

Gwyn's SA is irrelevant in terms of consent because EVERYONE should have consent before engaging in physical acts with others no matter their past. However, Gwyn's SA should not be the weight dragging her character down, the scarlet letter on her chest that means the fandom isn't allowed to give her the same treatment that all other characters receive. Where we're free to imagine and create fanart / fanfiction / headcanons (even the NSFW variety) for any pairing that we desire, regardless of their past or preference, even those who have never expressed romantic interest towards one another, except for Gwyn.

Consent in the actual book will be important but consent having already been given in our imaginations so we can imagine possibilities beyond what is currently written is the right of any reader.

[islandoforder]

Hi just properly scrolled through your blog for the first time and wanted to ask a question:

Re: Riz should be class president post from over a week ago - why should it be Riz over Kristen now that the class president position has stakes? Is it because of Kristen’s inconsistent access to her spells in case she needed to defend herself? I’d love to hear more about your thought process regarding this - assuming your opinion hasn’t changed since making that post.

My thoughts personally are that character-wise, it makes more sense to me for Riz to be the one strategizing as the campaign manager, because he’s the one actually finding a lot of the traps the Rat Grinders have put out for them.

Whereas Kristen makes more sense to me as a candidate purely because of her charisma and good radar for social bs - her weakness, of course, being that she’s a bit of a wild card in her choices regarding the campaign. But at the same time, she’s been able to get away with wearing a soggy salsa hat in front of the entire student body and still maintain some chance for the candidacy.

Obviously, I’m ignoring the more mechanical aspects of this comparison. If that’s what you were referring to in your original post idk then. I’m still wrapping my head around how Riz rolls so well now, level 10 dnd shit is way over my head.

Sorry if this was long, I just wanted to express my thoughts as well as hear yours! Idk how far away we are from getting back to the campaign to class president, who knows what happens after they get back from fallinel!

hi! sorry this is such a late reply, i've been away and i wanted to watch the new ep before i started posting about anything d20 in case of unintentional spoilers haha

so i think part of it is that, imho, brennan intended the class president arc to be riz's:

kipperlily is a rogue, v type a, and a narrative foil to riz, and this would have directly pitted them against one another

riz needed extra credit things for his college app, like being involved in student govt/being student president

there's also something about kipperlily being fundamentally riz but richer

kristen's arc was clearly always going to be about cassandra, trying to regain her favour, or increase her popularity, or resurrect her

nara is the kristen foil this season (once again, kristen but richer)

everyone has like an individual arc this season except for riz, bc his was supposed to be student president

beyond all of this, i don't actually think kristen is able to take the student president stuff too seriously - every time she tries, she ends up doing a bit instead, at the steel workers union, at the middle school, even at the party. i actually think if riz was the candidate, he would manage himself, in the same way that fabian wanted to be the party house and arranges that himself, and adaine needed a job and worked on and got that herself. so like i agree that he's the best campaign manager, but that doesn't preclude him from being the best candidate as well??

also, frankly, a lot of the good social graces kristen has had this year are from riz putting in the hard work - him joining all the clubs and making those connections, him taking stress to give her more popularity, his own popularity, etc.

like i'm enjoying the silliness of kristen's campaign, but i'm kind of with sklonda on this - riz would be a better candidate, and it is to some degree a shame that he's putting this much effort into running a campaign for someone else. if they legit need the student body president bc they'll become proxy headmaster, then i think a more serious campaign with riz at the helm and finally having his time in the spotlight is not a bad idea!!

[rollypoliesonarock]

No one asked, but here's a vest tour! I've added a bunch since I last talked about it here, so here's the update!

Here's the full front and back

Most of this I made myself. The patches were mostly made by hand embroidery (anything machine done was probably given to me as a gift), with the exception of a couple that were just markers on white fabric.

Under the decorative patches is also a layer of random fabric patches, mostly from leftover projects scrap fabric, or old clothes I didn't know what to do with.

There's also some random paint splashes in green and red, and a ton of pop tabs and safety pins thrown around in empty spaces.

The pins I made were made from painted bottle caps, and held on with a pop tab and safety pin combo, with the edges of the bottle cap bent to hold it in place

The vest itself I got from a family member's friend, and said family member didn't want it. So she gave it to me to put patches on. I used it as a formal jacket for a year, but I didn't like how the sleeves felt, so I cut them off and ended up putting patches on it anyway. I've been working on this vest since last January, but many of the patches and stuff were transferred from my old jacket that I have other plans for, but that's for a different post.

Inside, plus the snack pouch

so much white embroidery floss, I'm surprised I'm still able to scrape up some in my embroidery floss drawer

Front top left (from the perspective of someone looking at me)

Gay frog pin is the only pin I own I paid for, I found all the rest for free from various events and also the library likes giving people free pins

Front top right

Got the Vulpix pin from some random lady at the empanada restaurant because she liked my nerdy jacket. A few months ago I reconnected with an old friend, who recognized the art style. So that's kinda neat

Front bottom left

I used to have the heart/brain patch sewn on an older jacket (that is no longer with us). I am never attempting to stick a needle through that thing again. Easily my most painful patch I own. Also a little keychain ring so I can clip stuff to my vest

Front bottom right

The worm's name is wormy, named by my friend who loves him. Wormy has been through a lot, and before finding a safe home on my vest, rotated between being a room decoration and a cat toy

The hotelier patch (the house on the pocket) is probably my favorite music based patch I've made. I spent way too much time on it, but I think it turned out nice in the end!

Back top

the trans flag section in the center is my favorite part. The peace was never an option patch is usually peoples favorite, and I get compliments on it regularly. It's hard to see, but the patch at the bottom left of the flag is the chemical formula for testosterone

Back bottom left

The QR code is a Rick roll, and also fully functional. When I made it, a picture of it was floating around between my friends between various group chats. I had one friend who tried to go to lengths to avoid getting tricked, until one of his friends sent him the picture, and he actually scanned it before realizing it's the QR code on my back. He was (jokingly) upset at me the next day. I want to make another qr code to a song I like more, but that one took longer than most my other patches do, so I'm not sure it's worth it.

Back bottom right

The Kos-mos patch (blue haired girl on left) is my favorite non music patch on here. It just feels like one of my most well made patches. Not much to say here, I just like the patch a lot

So yeah, that's my vest. No clue how many patches are actually on this, or how many hours I've put into this thing already, but it's probably a high number whatever it is.

If this gets at least 0.5 notes Ill talk about my other patch stuff, of which I've got a lot of.

[deathofacupid]

for a lunch break, i take you | peter parker

this post is a part of a series called "but you're the one i want"! click here to read parts one and two!

ask to be added to the taglist, and check out my full masterlist here...

reblog, like, and comment <3

summary: summary: you've fallen in love with peter, and the worst part? you can't. not when you know you must be with someone else.

warning: flirting, maybe cursing, teeny bit of angst/sad petey for a second (lemme know if i missed any)

pairing: peter parker x fem!reader (this is in 3rd person!)

word count: 1.1k+ words

peter

they walked the streets together, in a silence that was comforting enough. but peter decided that he would rather use this time to talk to her.

he was still mentally fussing over the platonic flirting. if y/n got to do that, he should be able to do that too, right? and peter totally would, was it not for the fact that he didn't know how to flirt. well, he used to with gwen a little, but after she died, he kinda lost his game.

and if he wanted y/n/n to like him, he would need to find that game.

then another thing popped in his head.

what if she was friend zoning peter so that she could pursue her romance with spider-man? that brought a grin to his face… because if not anything, at least she liked him in one way or another.

"whatcha giggling about over there?"

"i don't giggle. my laugh is actually very manly."

"uh-huh. i'm sure, darling."

and then, out of literally nowhere, this newfound confidence appeared.

"so, y/n/n, what do you think about spider-man?" he paused, waiting for an answer. "you know, since you write about him a lot, i'm guessing," peter added, trying to not look suspicious.

"i- uh, he's, um..."

he smirked.

caught you.

she was a bright, bright red. at least peter knew that he did have a chance as spider-man. but for some reason, that really killed his self-confidence.

the only way he can get a girl is by being spider-man. a superhero. but spider-man isn't who he is. he's peter. a dorky dude that skateboards and takes photos.

spider-man is only there to protect his identity. he wants to be able to get people to like him by being himself. by being peter. of course, everyone likes spider-man. why can't they like peter the same way?

i guess i'll make an exception just this once.

"so, what about him?" pete pressed.

"he's, uh, cool. i guess. bearable enough."

"oh?"

"yeah."

"me personally, i would love to meet him. he's pretty good at what does."

"what he does?" she squeaked out.

"don't you think?"

"...how would i know?"

now who's got the upper hand?

"oh, well, would you look at that? we're here!" she exclaimed, straining her voice.

the parker boy/man/spider/thing hummed in amusement, "actually, i think i've been here before."

y/n smiled, pushing the door open for her and peter. they walked inside and picked a table for two.

"hey, how can i help y-"

"hi cindy," y/n smiled. jeez, peter loved that smile.

"what can i get for you? it's on the house."

"um, one coffee and a turkey sandwich for me. what about you, darling?"

"just a coffee with a ham and cheese sandwich."

"so, y/n/n," cindy started. "this your boyfriend? like, how could you not tell me?"

"slipped my mind."

"she's kidding," peter chuckled, "just friends." those words pained him more than he thought they would.

"yeah? seem extra friendly for just friends."

"she insists on the pet name."

y/n/n grinned.

"well, i'll get that to you right away."

"i told you people would think we're dating!" peter whisper-yelled when cindy walked away.

she just shrugged. "it's fun, isn't it?"

"trolling people? is that some pastime i don't know about?"

"i dunno. gotta find entertainment somehow, right peter?"

he sighed.

she grinned, finding enjoyment in this, "you know, you aren't the worst person to be around."

he rolled his eyes playfully. "yeah, you've mentioned that."

"yeah, yeah. making sure you knew. this is what they call good communication."

they spent most of the time going back in forth with witty banter and occasional burns until their food came.

"enjoy, lovebirds!" cindy chirped.

peter noticed how y/n/n didn't make anything of the comment, and that made his insides burst.

oh jeez, he really liked her. maybe even loved her, which was crazy considering that they had only met a couple days ago. peter just found her to be so... special. she was different and her happy energy was almost contagious. her smile could light up a room.

y/n was like a shot of expresso bathed in sunlight, he decided.

currently, she was rambling on about her favorite book and something to do with how unrequited love is one thing, and your lover dying was another. i.e. the fault in our stars. she just went on about which was worse and why. he wasn't really paying attention, peter was gazing at her with a lovesick smile on his face, admiring every part of her.

"what do you think, peter?"

"uh, absolutely."

"yeah, that didn't really answer the question," she noted as she finished up her food. he was just about done, too.

"the question was; which is worse? unrequited love or having the absolute love of your life dying?"

this was a little hard to answer for him. the time he lost gwen were the darkest days of his life.

"having the absolute love of your life dying," he said after a moment, "y/n/n, unrequited love isn't that tragic. it's actually quite beautiful when you think about it. sure, it may be painful to know that they don't feel the same. but think about it, someone loving you knowing that you won't return the feelings? that’s commitment. that's sweet. that's true love."

"woah. i honestly had no clue you were that wise." she pushed her chair back and got up, watching as peter did the same.

"yeah. i guess there's a lot you don't know."

"well, parker, i'll just have to uncover all your mysteries," she said to him. "bye cindy! love you!"

"bye, y/n, peter."

he held the door open for her, and she walked out.

"you know, having the love of your life die is really hard, because i would have had it to be unrequited love if i could, if that would have saved her," he whispered solemnly.

"what do you mean?"

he shrugged, flaming red. that was not supposed to come out. damn you, y/n, he thought. peter just completely let loose around her, and it was normally a good thing. y’know, aside from when he blurted out too much. he just wanted this conversation to be done with.

"my girlfriend- er, ex-girlfriend died a couple years ago. whole spider-man fiasco.” he watched you carefully, waiting to gauge y/n’s  reaction. she seemed as if she was thinking, so he added, “clock tower.”

"oh! i think i read about that, gwen stacy? i had no idea you two were... i'm so sorry, peter."

"it's okay. i’ve moved on," he smiled.

y/n/n wrapped her arms around him, giving him a comforting hug.

she gives great hugs.

it caught him slightly off guard, but he returned the gesture. the two of them stayed like that, at least for a couple minutes right in front of the café, unbeknownst to the pair that cindy was smiling at them.

taglist: @whatsupstark @ell0ra-br3kk3r @idli-dosa @susvale @kdbsr-h

[inchidentally]

ok it's been a while since I did a big weird dumb emotional parasocial Lando post - this tangent being based on this photoset by Audrey/landoom

bc we have a perfect comparison for all three of Lando's teammates and oh yes I've got a lot of thoughts in my big dumb head !!

okay so

the carlando one is perfect bc this is what they do between race weekend duties, chatter away about this and that like they always have. but their dynamic is also always the same in the way they sit: Carlos is The Man with his manspreading and taking up space and he always leads their conversation, even doing that mock reprimanding when Lando is just plain wrong or too silly etc. of course Lando will always be The Boy bc Carlos got to know him before Lando's voice had changed and before Lando's body had even finished growing. their entire season spent together was Lando latching onto Carlos to cope with being too young for F1 and looking endlessly grateful that Carlos is a natural dab hand at media duties and the interminable periods of waiting on Thursdays, Fridays and even Saturdays. Carlos had also just been looking after another F1 baby in Max so playing the role of big brother and guardian was hardly new. but that's why Lando always has to squirm into whatever space is left (which fortunately he's very skilled at doing) when he's spending time with Carlos. even when they walk together, Carlos is striding and facing forward while Lando skitters at his side and twists himself to talk at him. Lando doesn't quite behave like the jittery toddler that he was with Carlos at first but he's also never going to be an equal to Carlos in that social way that Charles is. Carlos and Charles move in and around each other's space and are close enough in age for there to be nothing in it - Charles is another Man. Lando will always be baby brother wanting to hang with big brother with Carlos. big brother will always put his big arm out and keep little brother safe.

then the dando of it all that for me is equal parts hahahaaaaaaaa Daniel Ricciardo you got got at your own silly game - but also angsty as hell. bc Lando had to go through a very uncomfortable realization that Daniel was repeating the same kind of bromance dynamic with him that Daniel does with everyone, especially with his teammates… right at the same time that Daniel realized that for all his gay joking he'd caught some kind of baffling feelings for this strange little scrap of boy with the beautiful face and an intense charisma that came entirely from being vulnerable and sincere. I have a love/hate relationship with bromance content in general so I was like partly enjoying Daniel's Lando content suddenly becoming obsessive and transparently adoring, but also feeling (kind of) bad for him bc his idiot straight man bro-brain suffered a little bruise of queer longing in the shape of Lando that he'll never be rid of. because while Lando already knew he could make any man love him in a protective/guardian way, it was right during Daniel's tenure when Lando realized he could make any man actually fall in love with him - even without trying to. so there's DannyRic, playing up a fake version of the big brother thing Carlos has with Lando because he's too old to consider Lando one of his usual buddies, but then his trademark smile falters because he's jokingly getting Lando to wear his clothing line and jokingly tucking a flower behind Lando's ear and jokingly zooming in on Lando's glowing face again for a video... except he has to remind himself to force a bro-y laugh because it seems as if the sunlight is always shining out of Lando's face instead of the sky. and that's where their dynamic has lived ever since. Daniel wants to feel the sun again and forces out laughs to remind everyone, including himself and Lando, that it's cool and nothing serious. sometimes Lando laughs until it hurts and sometimes he feels out of it and can't bring himself to laugh back.

and like, knowing that that's been Lando's experience with teammates so far it's why we've all had this ??? !!! along with him when Oscar arrived packaged all alone, neat and tidy with a placid small smile on his face and half his career under professional management already. he's inscrutable but also so easygoing. he's friendly but he hardly ever touches another human being. he's polite but also firm in his feelings. he refuses to be anyone but himself but also gives absolutely nothing away. he must have shades and colors beneath all that pale skin because his eyes ignore everyone but the people he chooses as worthy of his time. with most people he's so ambivalent that he's barely even present but then Lando comes into his view and the fresh coffee color of Oscar's eyes fills back in. he doesn't blink enough around Lando and doesn't pay attention to much else when Lando is around. but he also won't capitulate and just be a bro or a bromance or some other easy entity. sometimes he takes a downright firm hand with Lando which is startling, but he just as suddenly will capitulate to whatever Lando wants which of course is delightful. and then he never takes away the attention that Lando lives off of like food and water. Lando realized at some point that he has to disappear so far from Oscar's field of vision for Oscar to not follow him or watch him. so why isn't Oscar being a big stupid simp like Daniel or a warm strong guardian like Carlos? why won't he just play ball during challenges and why won't he just let Lando know once and for all how exactly Oscar fits in with all the men who adore Lando because dammit he's the only one he can't categorize. he can't seem to find his footing and he can't even be mad about that because Oscar is so faithful and kind and unselfish and downright respectful and admiring in ways that other men and teammates never have been. how can you get mad at a boy for not easily defining what you are to him when he stays one step behind you at all times because you're the number one driver and he has no problem showing it - who hangs so far back at your home race fan stage that the host actually looks confused for a moment because she doesn't expect even the number two driver to look so happy about letting his teammate soak in all the glory on his own. why should it hurt that Oscar doesn't seem to view himself as a significant part of Lando's life when Oscar is so comfortable with that idea and so happy to just have Lando while he has him and not expect anything more?

and that's why we get Oscar as an unexpectedly intimate part of Lando's cameras. cameras are his creative expression - a cringe free space where he's safe to show the world he sees when he's the observer and not the observed. of course the little black heart under the photoset that starts with Oscar just stands for black and white photos of McLaren and the place he calls home. but Lando also agonizes over those posts and when you look at how he looks at Oscar and what they've been through and how steady and strong Oscar has been for Lando even in his rookie season, it felt a little prescient that Oscar would sign a contract immediately for as long as McLaren would give him. Oscar who has proven that he will determine his own future and that he will not let his time or his fate be in the hands of anyone else. that Oscar looked at McLaren and looked at Lando and said this is what he wants. McLaren has been Lando's home for so long and with that kind of proof from someone like Oscar, shouldn't it make sense that Oscar feels a lot like home. so he gets to be the first picture and the little heart sits directly beneath.

that's the thing for me about landoscar - we know so little about who Oscar is as a person on any deeper level apart from the people and things his eyes turn coffee colored for. we already all love Lando and the fact that Oscar's eyes open up around him is like a little window into who Oscar is down deep. firm but fair, faithful but not blind, adores too intensely to show it, effortlessly funny but controlled, withdrawn but not cold. we know Oscar is lovable and there's something so intensely upright about him.

so the one landoscar moment in this photoset is one of many times we see Lando taking a photo of Oscar's face. because he may not have an easy, handy way of defining what kind of friend/presence Oscar is in his life, he knows what Oscar has given him and Lando's camera is how Lando can reciprocate. he can grab Oscar in that moment, put him in his camera and look at him where he can understand him. sometimes post him publicly but most of the time will not.

[gffa]

hiya! long time listener, first time caller-- I'm writing a couple fics with Jedi protagonists (Shaak Ti, Mace, other Prequel Jedi) which is really fun so far except for the part where I "majored in" (read: hyperfixated on) Organization and Tactics of the GAR and don't actually know that much about the Jedi as individuals, *especially* anything that happened before TPM.

I was wondering if you know of any resources that organize/compile information about that era of Jedi? Things like lineage lists, who was on the Council when, typical schedules/roles/responsibilities, that kinda thing. Resources can be any format; other Tumblr blogs, articles, images, discord servers, archived websites, whatever works! Even the obvious stuff can be helpful (outside of Wookiepedia), since this isn't a part of fandom I've walked through much. You're the only big-name Jedi blog I know.

(If you don't have the spoons to respond, I understand, thanks for reading anyway!)

Hi! Congrats on writing your fic, I'm wishing you all the luck in the world! And here's where my brain starts spinning in a bunch of different directions, because here's the sticky thing about Star Wars "lore": there are three separate continuities and, while you are absolutely free to mix and match as you like and should pick out all the things that interest you, no matter the continuity, they do still exist in separate realms. You have Lucas' Star Wars, you have Legends Star Wars (the Extended Universe/EU under Lucas' ownership of SW, but he has explicitly said it's a separate world from his Star Wars), and you have Disney Star Wars. There is worldbuilding in each of them (though, often very thin on the ground at times) but what's true in one isn't going to be true in another--for example, in Legends there was an age cut off for Jedi initiates at 13, if they didn't get a Master. This limit does not exist at all in Lucas' SW (is contradicted by Ahsoka at 14 being said to be YOUNG for being a Padawan) and Disney Star Wars (there's an Initiate who is 16 and doesn't have a Master and will have to wait at least another year to try again, with no hint of them aging out). You pick which works for you! Just that I think it helps to be aware of what bits come from which continuity. There's also not a ton of pre-TPM content, at least not after The High Republic! Though, I've found THR stuff generally pretty helpful for prequel-era Jedi stuff, because they act and behave 98% of the same way imo! THAT SAID, I tend to collate as much of the Lucas continuity and Disney continuity (as they're the ones I generally prefer) and I have a bunch of resources if you don't mind some homework reading! 😂 I did at least make it as easy to browse as I can, though! - Jedi Culture and Teachings in Canon - A mix of Lucas and Disney content mostly, organized by sections for hopefully easier browsing for what you're looking for! Because 75k words of citations is a lot. orz This is going to give you probably the most of what you want, because I have been working to collect all of that kind of stuff--descriptions of the Temple and personal quarters, any rituals they have, how a Jedi's day is structured, what different paths and roles are common with Jedi, all the Jedi philosophy, what kind of pets they have, etc. It's in three (so far) parts, so you'll have to browse through each of them, but the set-up is the same in each one, so if you find a section that you need the info on, just Ctrl+F to find it in the next part or skip to the same chapter, they're the same template for each! - My "reference" tag - Which is a mixed bag of various posts and different continuities (primarily Lucas + Disney, though) that organize this kind of thing, like a possible in-universe calendar system [also here], a collection of worldbuilding bits specific to Padawan, which was pre-TPM, crossection of the Jedi Temple, a Jedi Council seating arrangement chart through the years, a list of the handful of Master&Apprentice match-ups that we know, a list of "what kind of swearing do people of the galaxy do?" because it's hilarious, a compilation of everything I could find about Jedi healers in ANY continuity, etc. I hope this helps and if you have any other questions (or anyone else wants to suggest other resources!), feel free to ask, I might be able to better steer you if you have a specific question--or at least tell you that I don't think we have anything on that. AND ALSO just remember: the books and games and comics are pretty low on the "hard canon" level, the movies and the TV shows are the highest level of canon, everything else is supplementary and you do NOT have to scour every inch of it if you don't want to! Relax and have fun with it as best you can. <3

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Same anon that's something the supreme Court question. Why do you say it like they are defending it when I have seen multiple people say they don't care about the Constitution either? Like aren't they the ones that overturning roe v wade and there's a possibility they will make same-sex marriages illegal again with all this project 2025 stuff that's going up?

speaking about that, is Biden actually accomplishing those goals? And please make this very clear with facts. This may require you to write up a longer post about this but I think I really want to understand if that is a fear monitoring thing or if this is another "Dems are bad, gop good" shit

First of all, Roe v Wade was always bad law. The idea that the right to privacy means a right to legal abortions never made sense, morally or constitutionally, and it never should have been in place at all, let alone for as long as it was. The Supreme Court overturning unconstitutional laws and reversing unconstitutional decisions is literally why it exists. The Constitution empowers the court for that very reason. If you want other examples of the court protecting the constitution, just look at the Heller decision, or any of the other decisions rolling back unconstitutional gun laws in the past few years. Look also at Matal v Tam, in which the court unanimously ruled that the government can't ban speech just because it's offensive. Which means that there can be no laws against so-called hate speech in the US, and the Orwellian tyranny you see all over Europe under the guise of combating "hate speech" can never legally happen here. Which is a massive win for free speech and the entire reason the 1st Amendment was written.

As for gay marriage getting overturned, it's incredibly unlikely, since there are zero court cases about gay marriage going on right now and the Supreme Court can't just make rulings out of nothing (much to the frustration of more than a few people, I'm sure) it's basically a non-issue. If you're referring to what Clarence Thomas said about gay marriage in his majority opinion overturning Roe, he specifically said that this ruling shouldn't be used as justification to overturn the Obergefell v. Hodges decision on its own, though he did say that those decisions deserve another look. And he's right. Obergefell is another case of an activist court inventing rights out of thin air. There is no such thing as the right to marriage, for gay or straight people. It should be overturned, and the issue of defining legal marriage should be left up to individual states, as the Constitution intended (see the 10th Amendment).

I've been asked about Project 2025 before, and I'll tell you what I told the last anon, as far as I can tell, it's a pile of nothing. It's a group of policy proposals made by a bunch of conservative political commenters I've never heard of, who, as far as I know, have no connection to any Republican political campaign or the RNC. No one on the right is talking about the project. No politicians have come out in support of it. No campaigns have said they're going to implement those policies. Project 2025 is a left-wing boogeyman, and not even one that's getting a lot of traction in left wing circles since the only time I've ever seen anyone talking about it has been in my ask box and a few fringe far left conspiracy sites that came up when I originally tried to figure out what it was. It's the left attempt to have their own Agenda 2030 to be scared and angry about, except there aren't any international organizations trying to get the governments of the world to adopt their policies.

speaking about that, is Biden actually accomplishing those goals?

So, I really don't know what you mean by this. What goals?

[melverie]

So......about Solomon

Before we get started: Discussions on this post are more than welcomed as long as you keep it civil and constructive. At the end of the day, this is still a game about fictional characters, so there's no reason to literally harass others over liking or disliking a character If it truly upsets you that much--which is valid btw--than the best thing to do would probably be to simply not engage with the other party, and not harass them over it; you won't change anyone's mind that way. I know most of you aren't like this but unfortunately it still needs to be said Also, if you want me to add sources to some points, feel free to ask! I've tried to mention the chapters as I go, but I might still have forgotten some. Some of the arguments I make are also hidden behind certain player options; if you can't find them, fell free to ask about them and I'll gladly tell you Also also, general spoiler warning for both the og game and Nightbringer. I'm not really covering anything specific after lesson 60 in the og game and lesson 14 in NB, but I might still mention things from later lessons

Now, onto the actual topic. There've been quite a few arguments against Solomon in the past few days, but I mostly just want to focus on those three:

Solomon wanted to force MC into killing Lucifer at the end of season 2 in the og game

Solomon betrayed the brothers and keeps hiding behind "wanting to protect humanity" as a scapegoat for his actions (putting these two together bc I think they go hand in hand, but it'll make more sense later)

Solomon tricked Asmodeus into a pact without his consent

This entire thing is very long, so feel free to jump around if one point interests you more than another

Solomon wanted to force MC into killing Lucifer at the end of season 2 in the og game

[mainly 38-12, og & 38-15, og]

He did, yeah. But here's the thing

They were all forced into a corner since the fate of all three realms was on the line here, and with the Ring of Light's whereabouts still being unknown at the time, they literally had no other choice if they wanted to save everyone. It wasn't Solomon that randomly decided the only way to restore the Night Dagger's power was by killing a powerful demon, it's always been that way. And he can't just be like "Oh well, let's switch strategies then and focus on finding the Ring of Light" when the entire cast (minus Simeon) has no idea where the ring is and the last time any of them saw it was centuries to millennia ago, if not longer. They don't have the time to search for it considering all the destruction MC's Ring has already caused in such a short period of time

Solomon first tells MC to do kill Luci, only to add that he was just joking and knows MC would never actually go through with it. Then, he says that if they wouldn't do it, he'd do it himself. Which kinda sounds like forcing, right? Except this happens [38-15, og; pic below]:

He was prepared to, which doesn't clear him of trying to indirectly force MC, let's get that straight. But ultimately he drops it and accepts that maybe their only option really is to just die here. This is also the only time we see him acting against his beliefs btw

Also yes, Solomon might not have been the one that decided they needed to kill a powerful demon, but he seems to be the one that settled on said demon being Lucifer. The only other viable options would most likely be Diavolo and Barbatos. Don't know if the Demon King in his vegetative state still counts but similar to Diavolo, killing him would probably be seen as a direct declaration of war, so they're out. And from a strategic standpoint, Barbatos is the better option to be kept alive simply because of his powers. There most likely also is some kind of sentimental attachment at play here since Solomon is much closer to Barbatos than he is to Lucifer. None of justifies killing Lucifer of course, but we also need to acknowledge that everyone's hands were tied, they were out of time and given the circumstances, this was probably the best decision they could have come to (until Simeon showed up with the Ring of Light, of course)

Solomon betrayed the brothers and keeps hiding behind "wanting to protect humanity" as a scapegoat for his actions

First of no, he did not betray them. Ever since the end of season 2 Solomon has made it clear that his ultimate goal is to protect humanity and that he, similarly to Diavolo in regards to the Devildom and its denizens*, would do anything in his power to protect the human world and its inhabitants [38-15, og; pic in the point above] [38-19, og; pic below]

*friendly reminder that Belphie was charged with treason for planning to destroy the human world, since in Diavolo's eyes that would have severely damaged the chance of peace between the three realms [13-14, og]

Solomon continuously sticks to his beliefs. He said he'd protect humanity, and that's what he's doing. He never extended that kind of protection to the brothers, he never made any false promises, he didn't betray them in any way, nothing

I'd also like to point out he's not actively going out of his way to antagonize demons, or angels, or whatever. In fact, he even explicitly says that he does not wish to make an enemy out of either party [10-A, NB; pic below], which of course also extends to the brothers

You can even outright ask him if he's planning on backstabbing the brothers, and this is what he has to say [11-8, NB; pic below]:

And you know what? That is a valid concern. They can't say for sure what the future holds, and they just recently had to deal with the entire Ring situation that could have very easily destroyed all three realms, so wanting to be cautious and to be prepared for the worst makes sense. He also makes it clear that he does not wish to fight the brothers if it can be avoided, so there's that

And no, he's also not tricking MC into siding against the brothers in Nightbringer. Rather, he just wants to know that they're fighting for humanity should the relationship between humans and demons in general ever turn hostile. He puts the cards open on the table and gives a proper explanation to his reasoning for siding with humanity [11-8, NB], and once again goes a little further into detail before MC gives their answer [14-16, NB; pic below]. Plus it's up to the player if they choose to stand with him or not, and no matter what you choose, he accepts the decision

Also keep in mind that season 3 heavily suggests that the human world at large has no idea that angels and demons even exist, so MC is pretty much the only one he can even ask to help protect humanity alongside him to begin with. He can't just go up to a random guy on the street and ask them to fight something who's existence they aren't even aware of in the first place

Imo Solomon also seems to know more about where things might be heading than he lets on, with him actually knowing Nightbringer and whatnot, so granting himself some peace of mind by making sure he has at least one ally is perfectly reasonable

Also, Solomon is very much aware that he is not infallible. For example, he states that he realized he still has a lot more to learn about demons [60-20, og], and he even admits that he doesn't always know what the right course of action to any given situation is, which was part of the reason he first asked MC to help him with protecting humanity all the way back in season 2 [38-19, og; first pic below]. In season 2 he actually wanted for MC to be aware of what's happening, but it was Diavolo that decided it would be better to keep them in the dark for the time being [36-18, og]. He trusts MC's judgment and that they will help him make the correct decisions [14-16, NB; second pic below]

Solomon tricked Asmodeus into a pact without his consent

Before I get into anything, let's summarize the base situation so everyone's on the same page. This is based on the things Asmo tells us [53-16, og], as well as the things Sol tells us [6-18, NB]:

Asmo was trying to flirt with someone but their friends kept on telling him to leave them alone since he's a demon -> Asmo's dejected by this and goes to a tavern in Solomon's hometown

Solomon notices and feels sorry for him; he offers to talk to him and they chat for a bit

Asmo lets it slip that he's Lucifer's younger brother

they get drunk and end up forming a pact -> Solomon says that he was only able to forge a pact with Asmo because his judgment was impaired at the time

Right of the bat--yes, the way Solomon got his pact with Asmo is not okay. I'm not putting that up for debate. He fully took advantage of Asmo here, and there's nothing that can excuse that. I also want to make it very clear that it is in no way my intention to relativize this in any way. The way he went about getting this pact is, to put it simply, fucked up and I do not wish to condone that in any way. With the following points I simply want to explain how I see things. Maybe it'll put things in a slightly different perspective for you, maybe it won't. Now, I hope I made that clear enough, so let's continue

The way I see it, Asmo seems to be pretty okay with the pact. From the way he acts around Solomon in the present day all the way to him describing his reaction to the pact as just a "did I really sign that" [53-16, og], nothing seems to suggest that he holds any ill feelings towards Solomon, and personally I don't see any reason to be angry for someone who himself seems to take no issue with a situation that is directly about him

If it were as upsetting to Asmodeus as some make it out to be, surely he would have found a way to get out of it? Asmo is one of the most powerful demons in the Devildom; if he truly wanted to break the pact he could have just killed Solomon and that's it. And if the pact itself somehow prevented him from doing so, I'm sure Lucifer would have more than gladly stepped in. Heck, I bet all of the brothers would have made it into a family thing in a heartbeat if Asmo wanted out but couldn't do anything himself. As Thirteen told MC, Solomon is immortal, not unkillable

But speaking of Lucifer, shouldn’t the same sentiment about forcing others into a pact be held toward him, too? Because he basically did the same thing with MC. This is what happens when you tell him you don’t want a pact with him [20-14, og; pic below]:

Yes, this comes down to player choice and yes, you need to make the pact for story continuity, but it ultimately does not change the fact that in-universe he forces MC into a pact if they say no

Also speaking of forcing others into a pact--Mammon and MC, anyone? Yes, MC did it because Levi asked them to so he could get his money back. We know they had no ill intentions. But you never know what the future holds and Levi literally proposed to basically hand over part of Mammon's agency over himself for the money Mammon owns him, to someone Levi has met about 5 minutes prior, knows nothing about and who's only been in the Devildom for a couple of hours at that point, no less. Lucifer also mentions that demons literally cannot resist temptation [4-10, og; pic below], so there literally was no way Mammon could have just noped out of that pact. We all know how badly he wants his credit card back, after all

To top it all of, we have MC's and Mammon's conversation in Nightbringer where Mammon explicitly says that he would only want to forge a pact with someone that is special to him [2-9, NB], and that he'd make sure to be their first pact [2-11, NB], yet he is forced into his pact with MC. A pact that ultimately turns out to be exactly what he wanted, but nonetheless he was stripped of the ability to say no when it was forged

And for the record, I'm not saying "oh, others did it too, so we shouldn't be so harsh on Solomon!!!" No! Forcing a demon into a pact isn't something that should be taken lightly. A pact literally means a demon hands a huge chunk of control of themself over to a human for as long as the pact exists. And on the other hand, for a human, making a pact with a demon usually means selling their soul. Neither party should EVER be forced into it. We of course don't know if MC actually sold their soul to Lucifer when they made their pact, but even if they didn't, Lucifer's "I won't belong to you. You will belong to me" speaks for itself

What I am trying to say here is that if you want to be mad at Solomon for forcing Asmo into a pact without Asmo's consent (which, again, is valid), you should also be mad at MC for forcing Mammon, and Lucifer for forcing MC into a pact

Anyway, back to Solomon now

Solomon actually admits that he used to treat demons like collectables--more or less, at least since he immediately follows the confession up with "just kidding" [14-14, NB]. Judging by what we've seen in the og game though, he seems to genuinely make an effort to better his relationship with the demons he has made a pact with, or at the very least with Asmo and Barbatos. I mean, the difference between Sol's relationship with Barbs in the og game vs in Nightbringer is night and day

In the present time, Asmo and Solomon are also super close. I literally cannot think of a single instance where they did not get along (though it might have happened like once or twice). You can literally pic any part in the og game to see their relationship play out, but some highlights include Solomon saying he got a huge oil painting of Asmodeus as his "permit" to summon Asmo across worlds [39-13, og] (which is not something you would allow someone you hate to do btw) and both of them mentioning that the two of them repeatedly hang out together in the human world [Proud Brothers, devilgram on Asmo's page, og], the hickey on Solomon's neck that's most likely Asmo's doing [Who Left the Hickey?, daily chat with Mammon, og]. Asmo (while drunk) is comfortable enough to tell Solomon that his cooking sucks and Solomon actually takes it to heart [47-16 hard mode, og]. Then there's Asmo's excitement at Solomon being in the Devildom for the first time [Proud Brothers, devilgram on Asmo's page, og; both of the pics below]

There's also that infamous chat pic of them doing face masks together (that I unfortunately don't know which chat it belongs to, so if someone could tell me, I'd appreciate it <3)

I don't know about you guys, but that's not typically an activity I do with someone I despise

So it's clear that current day Asmo holds no malice toward Solomon

Which, finally, leaves us with the way they forged their pact in Nightbringer

[mainly 7-12, NB & 7-15, NB]

@impish-ivy already went over it in this post, especially in the tags (I highly suggest checking out the reblogs as well btw), but to reiterate--Asmo was IN NO WAY forced into that pact. His brothers tried to talk him out of it, but at the end of the day Asmo willingly agreed to it. Yes, they were in a dangerous situation, and yes, Solomon used that as a basis to ask for the pact, but as ivy correctly points out in the tags, Lucifer could have easily handled the situation by himself, yet Asmo agreed regardless. By implying that Asmo was in any way, shape or form forced into that pact you're not only taking away a huge amount of his agency, but you also deny him his character moment and development that came with this scene. Asmo himself says that forging this pact will finally help him accept himself as a demon. Taking this moment from him is doing him a huge disservice

Aaaand that's pretty much all I have to say

If there's anything else you'd like to add, OR if there's anything you don't agree with, feel free to share! And once again, I'd like to remind everyone that civil and constructive discussions are more than welcomed on here!

Anyway, thank you all for reading, hope you have a great day! <3

[emilykaldwen]

"Blocking isn't some personal insult. Its a method of saying; hey, we clearly shouldn't interact, so I'm gonna build this soundproof wall between us to make sure we can't."

Except that's not what the people you associate with do and encourage you and others to do by extension. I really liked your writing, but it's disappointing to see the type of people you've chosen to buddy up to, who use blocking as a way to weaponize social media and make pariahs out of certain people in the fandom who don't bow to their whims. I hope they don't burn you the way they've burned so many others, but with their track record, I'm not holding my breath.

Okay let's do this. I'm tired. I would like to go back to sleep. Get off my lawn, etc etc.

I have been dealing with anons harassing me since I started posting HotD stuff back during the Season 1 show run. I got hateful anons saying terrible things about Abby back in December. When I interacted with NONE of the people that I currently interact with today. This escalated when I properly began posting Maiden in the summer of last year, and then escalated in the fall. After receiving some truly foul anons in regards to my writing, my OC, and my work, including one telling me to kill myself, I shut anons off. Because what the actual fuck. I have been on the internet for 25 fucking years and this is the first time I have EVER dealt with such bullshit.

Before these anons ramped up, I, like many people, blocked. A lot. I blocked mostly people thirst reblogging stuff about the actors that would cross my dash or in the tags because it made me uncomfortable, I didn't want to see it. I blocked a lot of blogs that were posting these weird reader x canon character thirst lists that I just found bizarre and didn't want to see scrolling through a character tag. That, friends, is what the block button is for. I block people with takes that I disagree with as well, I'm someone whose pretty liberal with my block button. I block things I don't want to see on my dash. It's honestly as simple as that.

No one has fucking told me to block anyone. I am actually deeply fucking insulted that I, a grown ass adult who is nearly forty, needs to be told to block someone/someones when people are setting up blogs called 'ihateemilykaldwens' and trying to terrorize me, and my friends and mutuals, and then try to frame another one of my mutuals for being responsible for it in the process. I only just recently started speaking with "the individuals" I've chosen to associate with long after I have blocked the people you're saying are being bullied.

And if this is about my post the other day about the culture I see: It was never actually about anyone specific, it was genuinely trends I have seen cross my dash as well as discussions with friends in other fandoms. That's all. If someone(s) thought I was talking about them specifically: Dude, IDK what to tell you. That's a you problem.

So let's stop playing coy. I'm tired of it.

THIS. IS. A SMALL. BLOG. I do not pass a block list around and TELL people or encourage them to block them, nor have I ever have it done to me. And even IF someone said 'omg you should block all these people' uh, no? I have free will and can make my own judgements?

Anon, if this situation is upsetting to you, either come off anon in the DMs and talk to me, or you are welcome to unfollow me. I don't care, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Because the people I've blocked on my own make others feel the way you're claiming they make you feel.

Because we all know who everyone is talking about. And I'm done. This is 12 year old behavior and I don't interact with minors.

I'm going back to bed. Whatever is in the fucking water, I want none of it.

[snek-panini]

It is Monday, and Monday is for books. Look at these beautiful things! They took me five months to make. I tried so many new things in the process and I am extremely proud of them. This is a binding of @racketghost's amazing Good Omens fic Strange Moons (Hi. I hope it's ok I tagged you in this. Your fic has been one of my favorites since I found it in 2019.) The story is a series of short fics (and one long one) that really need no introduction from me. They're set throughout the 20th century, and they are beautiful and sensual and moody and you should definitely read them if you haven't already. This is the longest work I've bound so far, but I was fortunate that the word count on the shorter fics added up to almost exactly the length of the final, longest one, making them the perfect choice for a two-volume set. I tried very hard to get them to be an exact match, and they turned out even better than I pictured.

More pics under the cut! Two books means twice the pics, and all the stuff I tried here means it's a very long post, so be warned.

Individual images of the covers. The titles are done in silver htv over brown faux leather, edged in charcoal bookcloth. The graphics are the same on both, except for the title text, and they have the same image of the reaching hands on the back. All the art assets are from rawpixel, I just flipped and rotated some of them to make the back image.

The cover materials were an interesting challenge. I'd worked with both before and wanted to incorporate them both in the design, but after measuring and checking grain direction I found I didn't have enough of either of them to do a full book, or even a half bind. So they're actually made by affixing the faux leather to the book board, then layering strips of book cloth over the top. The corners are actually mitered at a 45-degree angle. Here's a close-up:

It's two long strips of cloth (spine and fore edge, not mitered) with two short strips (top and bottom, mitered) glued over the top. There was so much measuring, omg. I bought a new tool to make sure I got it right. Hilariously, I still didn't have enough leather and had to order another roll anyway. Also hilariously, I got the idea to do this after seeing an image of a leather-bound book made by a professional that appeared to have the same feature, i.e. multiple materials with an inset and mitered corners. Wow, I said, looking at a video thumbnail, I'm going to do that! So I did, even though I didn't watch the video. Much later, after I watched his tutorial, it was clear that the design was from leather dye and tooling, not the thing that I did at all. But I do like the effect, and now I know it's possible I think it'll be great for using up weird offcuts from making other covers.

Look, spines! With TITLES on them! And LITTLE RIDGES! Both firsts for me. I'm a little obsessed with them. The cricut has opened up entirely new worlds, though I suspect the little silver lines might have been easier to do with a foil pen (which I don't have) than they were with a heat press. I did them by making the cricut cut out several "=" symbols that were the same width as the spine. The raised bands are false bands; I made them by layering little pieces of chipboard on the spine stiffener, then molding the book cloth around them when I covered them. I was worried it wouldn't work, since this is usually done with leather and book cloth is apparently way less stretchy, but it worked fine. Probably because it's a small straight design, no curves or fancy bits. I'd layer the chipboard thicker next time so they stand up higher (this is 2 layers, I'd do 3 in future) but I'm delighted by how this turned out. They look so professional.

The endpapers on both books are a constellation print. I had a really hard time trying to find something to go with the typeset, and the only ones I liked were from an etsy seller who kept selling out of them. I got lucky eventually but it was one of many hassles that befell this project. I also made my own end bands using a tutorial from the Renegade Bindery discord. I had some issues and I didn't quite nail them but I think they're pretty good for a first time (ok, second time, the first one was on a practice text block, but my point stands). I had originally intended this to be a split boards binding, my first time trying that, but when I got the boards glued on I found that they were crooked. Really crooked. Completely misaligned. Much swearing followed this discovery. I ended up having to cut the boards free, cutting the mull and tapes in the process. The mull was easily replaced, but the parts of the tapes that are usually glued to the boards were a lost cause. I reused the boards, but flipped them so the edge with the cut tapes inside is at the fore edge so I could have a cleaner hinge. You can see in the last photo that the cover board is a little wider at the fore edge. On the plus side, there are no tapes to wrinkle my pretty endpapers and it combated the small bit of spine swell I had. On the downside, the hinge has less support and the only thing I learned was How Not To Make A Sewn Boards Binding.

I may have gone a little nuts with the images in this typeset. In my defense they look very pretty. In order, that's the title page, table of contents, section break image (same as the back cover, just tiny), chapter header and ender (each chapter has one on its first and last pages, they just look particularly cool when you can get a full page spread like this), and the image on the last page of the book (same as the cover image, almost). The cover image was also supposed to have little rays coming off its moon like this one does, but the lines proved too thin for the cricut and it ate them. I still like how it looks though. The prose in this story is really rich and I was in the mood for opulence when I did it. I have absolutely no regrets.

Here's a feature that's unique to this typeset. One of the chapters in the second volume has three alternating, interwoven timelines. I read them fine on Ao3 but had trouble following them when I formatted it for printing. Usually I'd use the section break image to denote when there's a scene skip but there are literally dozens in this chapter, like 40-60 breaks over the course of 10 or so pages, and it looked very busy with images in it. So I left them out, made the line skips single instead of double like they are elsewhere in the book, and I color-coded the text instead. One timeline is printed in black, one is dark gray, and one is dark blue. And it's a very surreal chapter, with the characters having some very confusing and conflicting emotions, so I feel like reading multicolored text when you're not expecting it (the rest of the book is all normal black and this bit is near the middle) sort of reflects that unbalanced feeling? I hope so anyway, because I love the way it looks so much.

I learned so many things in the course of making these. I'm absolutely doing all of them again. Part of the reason it took so long was that I wanted it to be perfect, or as near as I could get, and I had to take the time to solve all the puzzles it threw at me. But it stretched my creativity and ingenuity and I could not be more in love with the finished product.

[juruna-yudja]

Is the flash-forward in Ao no Exorcist (chapters 139 & 140) relevant?

Is essentially the direction this post will take and the question it seeks to answer. This WILL contains spoilers for the manga, from chapter 110 to the current last update, chapter 148. You've been warned.

So! One thing I've noticed lately in the direction Aoex is taking is that it seems to be gearing up for a final arc.

Big confrontation against the Big Bad with all the allies gathered in a desperate last stand? The world at stake? Allies actually suffer losses and are subject to mortality?

Check, check, and check.

By all metrics, this looks like a final batttle, final arc material. Except! There are a bunch of things that make me say the manga is far from over. Mostly it's a dual thing. The big one is the flash-forward chapter. The other reason is how the content of those two chapters is linked intrinsically to everything else.

And now another warning. All of this is speculation and theorizing. Take it with a grain of salt, don't get too hyped up. I could be wrong and reading too much into it. So keep that in mind.

That said, in the aforementioned chapters, halfway through chapter 139 and two-thirds of chapter 140, we see the future in a vision. More precisely, Mephisto is given a vision.

The funny thing with Mephisto is that he already broke the fourth wall once, in that one chapter I can't remember for the life of me. This, for me, gives credit to the flash-forward right away. Beyond the fact that its existence is a deliberate choice made by Katou of course.

Besides, since we're on the topics of choice, there are many elements present in those two chapters that tell me all of this was thought of in advance. Because those elements are referenced directly or in a roundabout way in the previous or following chapters. Here's my list:

Shima's dream of becoming an idol:

Chapter 139 page 27

And here is him saying it outright when asked about what they'd do after the battle in their story's present.

Chapter 144 page 9

Rin's powers:

The fun thing Kato Kazue has always done was color code Rin's power for our convenience, especially lately. In the recent fight with Yukio, he makes mention of Rin's appearance and how the way his brother looked then, bright hair and visible demon's core, meant that he was unstable. And later, Rin said that he tamed his demon's side.

Chapter 132 pages 20-21

BOOM. TRANSFORMATION

And as it happens, in the flash-forward there are also transformations and what's special about those is that he doesn't need to sheath and unsheath Kurikara to make them happen.

Chapter 140, pages 9, 16 and 18

But that is before and during the flash-forward. What about closer to the story 'present'?

Here is Yukio reaching out to Rin so his big brother can talk about his problems if he wants to. Because he learned his lesson about bottling up and trying to face everything on his lonesome. Isn't awesome and cooing worthy?

Anyways, Rin gives us access to his inner thoughts and tell us how he offered to make peace with Satan and was harshly rejected. But the whys of this are especially important.

Here he is, on the eve of their final battle, asking himself if this is the right way. Not outright rejecting Satan's words. Still on his journey of acceptance of his heritage.

The stages we've seen so far are; denial, acknowledgement, looking at the whys and hows of his nature by witnessing the past, trying to repress and then tame his demonic self by exerting control. The missing parts for me are understanding and acceptance. There is a space left for it in the 'present' and in the flash-forward, our vision of the future, he seems to have gone through those stages and be able to use his powers at will, finally at peace with himself.

Chapter 143 pages 27-28

The Paladin condition:

Chapter 139 page 21 & chapter 140 page 31

The exact same form of damage that one of the Ba'al's host bodies incurs through rapid cell regeneration/degeneration. Also, because I don't think Arthur's status as the only Lucifer's clone & prospective host to survive was put in here just to give him an existential crisis he refuses to engage with.

Speaking of the Ba'al's hosts though.

Astharoth's incarnation:

Chapter 144 pages 25 & 28

As funny as those panels are, and they are funny, I don't think it was done solely for the bit. If they were, why bother bringing back the guy who can theoretically be accredited with kicking off the whole plot by forcing Rin's first transformation?

Manga likes being self-referential and it's arguably a better idea than crafting a new guy out of whole cloth, but then why bother giving us these little glimpses into the individuals' attitudes, goals, wishes, and dreams of the Ba'al in the eleventh hour?

Katou Kazue has taught us to expect better.

And now that I've mentioned expectations...

Shiemi's uncle:

Chapter 114 pages 8-9 and chapter 131 pages 11-12

So, what's up with this guy? He scares Shiemi on an instinctual level when she's not easily frightened, and with the bloody hand and the way we see him smile in Shiemi's forgotten repressed memories, my personal bet is that he killed someone, she witnessed it and he told her to forget or made her forget. Also, has ambitions to shape her to his will, given the nature and tone of their short conversation.

Something else that's also important with Shiemi's uncle, he's the one who purposefully lied to Arthur about his origins and exudes absolutely creepy (controlling) vibes in general.

Chapter 111 pages 14-17

The Uzai family, attendants of Shemihaza, raised him once he got out of Section 13 Asylum due to Shemihaza's interest in him. That is what he's told at least. But... he's already been lied to about his past.

At the time it is very possible that Hilkiah was following the current Shemihaza's lead and keeping mum on exactly what Section 13 was or how it connected to the True Cross Order.

What matters in this section is the story's present. When presented with an opportunity to tell the truth, Jeremiah reinforced the lie.

Arthur considers him family, calls him brother. They're close enough that he expresses his deepest and most ruinous doubts to Jeremiah, the question that would make him reconsider his entire existence.

The question is, why would Jeremiah lie to Arthur?

I think the reason is that Jeremiah was assigned to stay at Lucifer's side by his uncle (despite Shemihaza's protests) to keep an eye on Lucifer and saw all of this:

Chapter 118 pages 20, 22-23

Chapter 119 pages 15-16

[Not included (I'm fighting with the image limit) but relevant. Before Lucifer zapped them all to cinders there was a first flash of light that mesmerized Arthur. He walked to it, saying, "It shines like something special... I want to be like that too." When the possibility he could die heading toward the light (ironic, I've just realized) is raised, teenage Arthur responds, "It's okay. If I die I can be part of it."]

So what Jeremiah saw is this; a child unharmed among corpses reduced to cinders, despite withstanding the full intensity of a lethal attack from Lucifer itself. The success of Section 13's research, a bargaining chip in the future for when Lucifer comes back.

And the reason I think he lied was to keep that bargaining chip nice and snug for eventual possession by Lucifer. Because demons feast on Exorcists' doubts and struggles. And what's more offputting and likely to put someone off kilter than touching upon their very identity?

Uncharitable? Maybe.

But Arthur is drawn into a fight by the guy who created Satan's host body, baited into getting close enough to be injected with something, and the next (and only) time we see him after that is during the flash-forward where he shows signs of advanced degradation.

This takes us to the final point I wanted to make.

The Looks:

Chapter 139 page 28

They're the law enforcement of the dystopian future which tracks its citizens' location and schedule; that Paku is a victim of and which Rin works against, so what? What's the only other place we see the extras wear berets alongside their uniform?

Chapter 110 pages 5-6

And which other faction wears white among the True Cross Order than the Grigori and more precisely, Shehimiza's faction? No one. Manga is a visual way of doing storytelling and this is why I think the visual coding is important.

Plus, Katou Kazue did go through the pain of giving the True Cross Order's uniforms. Uniforms that very visibly change design in that future we're allowed to glimpse, so to me, it's not a coincidence.

Also, I think, (this part is purely speculation) that in the flash-forward Jeremiah and his faction seized power, and allied with Lucifer, took control of the True Cross Order. Hence why the organization is so repressive and controlling, to the point that Rin (who didn't kill homicidal zombies because he's on the side of humans) actually kills one of their... chief operatives? Someone who represents a legion, presumably, someone important enough to be hunted down.

Previous paragraph aside, none of this was put in there on a whim or at random. In fact, the flash-forward is surprisingly cohesive, plot and characterization-wise (I'll definitely have to do an in-depth analysis of it to do it justice) and I'm of the firm belief that it is a teaser of what's to come.

Personally, and this one is a gut feeling only. I think that the current arc is either: the penultimate arc or the midway point of the manga.

[animatedrapture]

"Yer a whole fuckin' asshole and a half, yeah? What the fuck did ya do?"

Suna's voice is groggy. His throat is dry, maybe it's from the night he had, maybe even his body is tired of it all. "Too fucking early for this, Miya. What're you talkin' about?"

"Kana? You kissed Kana when YN was waiting on ya." Even through the phone, Suna can hear it: the seethe in Atsumu's voice, one he knows all too well when something so personal ticks him off. He's hissing out the words, like Kana's name, like it's venomous even to say it.

"I didn't. The fuck are you talking about, you dumbass? Quit running your mouth ‘bout shit you don't know, yeah?"

"Oh yeah? What's that picture all over Twitter then? And then to drop YN after that without explanation. Bro, that's fucking low—"

"Jesus christ—listen, stay out of—"

"Nah, you listen Sunarin. We thought you'd be good to YN, that's why we let ya be. But yer dumber than I ever been for doin' that to YN. Jus' cause Kana's your bestfriend doesn't mean she decides everythin' for ya. Grow a fuckin' pair."

Then there's loud beeping that nearly deafens Suna—it really is too fucking early for this—for anything, in fact.

Suna feels his stomach flipping, over and over, churning in the worst way possible. He swipes open his notifications and the first thing that greets him in bold, capital letters are headlines.

But his phone chimes again, and again, and again, the sound feels like dread filling him up with each one.

He sits up on the couch. His body hurts and he isn't sure if it's because he stayed there, refusing to be in the same room as Kana—sleeping in his room as if everything would be okay between them somehow—or if it's all mental.

Headlines officially confirming his "committed relationship" with Kana.

And a stolen picture of his lips on her—well, truly, her lips on his. Posted last night, at eleven while he was busy trying to make it up to the bestfriend he'd almost let something bad happen to.

Posted last night, when you were alone and finally decided you'd never mean to him as much Kana does.

Only, that's where you were wrong. But you didn't know that.

It's no wonder you've given up, looking back at everything that's happened in such a short amount of time. Where things stand, even after all that's said and done, Suna has never felt more lost.

To make things more suffocating for him, Kana's still in the apartment with him. 

But right there, he realizes something has to finally change.

Except Suna is met with the fact that you're gone—truly gone from him this time. He dials your number, searches you up, and in a final attempt, tries to message you.

You have him blocked. Everywhere.

Suna understands you should hate him by now, even more when he's bothering you after letting you go the way you wanted him, maybe now—even more as he picks up Kana's phone on the living room table because he just has to call you. Even if it meant using the phone of the exact reason you and him were an impossible thing now.

In another universe, Suna would call you, even if it meant it would be through Kana's phone, even if you'd hate his guts for it.

Even if he shouldn't.

Suna doesn't, though. In fact, Suna can't. Because as Kana's phone clicks unlocked—it's your name and a string of messages from Kana.

In his living room, broken from losing you, Suna couldn't even hear the sharp intake of breath he takes.

Something had to change—but he didn't think it would be so dire.

『 twenty-ninth / one: we were something 』

prev. | as friends | next: C29-2

notes:

— suna was TIRED as hecc so it ended up being that atsumu was calling him NONSTOP til he woke up :3

— i just realized this thing i've had ever since i stopped the smau was actually supposed to go first :3 MY BAD this is what happened literally just moments before the next chapter GOMENASAI OKAY

— hehehehe... my bad...

[incesthemes]

ok tumblr deleted most of my tag essay on this post, so i've recreated and expanded upon it in its own post.

so the op of the post made a great point which really touched on why i've been feeling that i had a fundamentally different takeaway of season 9 compared to the rest of the fandom. i have a lot to say in response to this, not in argument but in support and synthesis of it.

i'll start with dean at the beginning of season 9: he has a great struggle in 901 regarding gadreel possessing sam, more so than any other struggle he's faced when saving sam's life, which points to me as him being aware of and conflicted about sam's history of possession. he understands this is crossing a line because it's similar to lucifer and meg, and so accepting gadreel's deal is violating sam to a length dean hasn't gone to before. dean by and large is the one who has this particular ethical problem (shown throughout the first half of season 9), not sam. hell, dean is the one who leaves sam once gadreel's out, without even waiting for input because his self-loathing is that strong.

sam, on the other hand, is more textually concerned in his 912/913 arguments with the lack of trust ("i can't trust you, not the way i thought i could") and dean's selfishness ("you did it for you"). this is an ongoing conflict sam has with dean, since the beginning of the show. dean doesn't trust sam to make his own decisions and therefore makes them for him, without sam's consent or knowledge. sam wants to be trusted to stand on his own, and he wants dean to put the same faith in him that he puts in dean. this is the core of sam's needs; the violation of autonomy is just an externalization of these needs and this conflict.

and i don't entirely disagree with the connection between going behind sam's back to keep him alive against his will and a rape narrative. both involve a lack of consent and a violation of agency. however, it really doesn't stop there, and it's a lot more complex than that.

and that's what rubs me wrong about more common interpretations of season 9 that i've seen. because this isn't really what the season is about. this violation on its own isn't the point. or if it is on the surface, it's equally about sam lying to himself about what it's actually about. he's consistently left out of major decisions regarding his own life and then lied to about it "for his own good," and he wants the right to choose his own path.

except, as we learn, that's not true. he lied about it. because the point of the whole season is that sam and dean are the same. they will make the same decisions to save each other over and over again. the point of the whole season is that sam has been lying to himself.

i said this in another post, but i think a big reason sam was able to lie to himself about this fact is because he's had the opportunity to let dean go on several occasions. he's been unable to save dean the way dean has saved sam. he fails where dean succeeds. sam has been forced to endure a grief that dean has never had to experience because dean always brings sam back. and so because sam has endured these experiences maybe he's more comfortable letting dean choose death in the abstract—the hypothetical. but in reality when it comes to that point, sam can't actually follow through, because he's just as dependent on dean being there for him as dean is dependent on sam.

and that's what season 9 is about. sam has been lying to himself about this reality from the start. this is why 1019 parallels 311 regarding how insane sam is about dean. it's reiterating the facts we've known but with a new perspective, now that sam is done deluding himself. he needs to accept that he was lying to himself and to dean, and this is what allows season 9 to close and for season 10 to begin, because season 10 is a response to sam's realization. he chooses dean over everything else in a monumental display of hypocrisy and genuine understanding of himself and who dean is to him.

seasons 8-10 should be taken as a single, cohesive unit, and the show goes to great lengths to enforce this. season 9 mirrors season 8, and season 10 acts as a response to and therefore a continuation of season 9. you can see this in the way charlie's death mirrors kevin's (one brother's lies and deceptions leads to increasing stakes that could have been avoided through honesty and openness, which culminates in the death of their beloved ally, and the deceptive brother blames himself for that death because his own unethical actions led to it), or how both of them undergo a change in their physiology as a result of godlike power entering their bodies which mutilate them from the inside and have fatal consequences (sam with the trials, dean with the mark of cain) which can only reasonably be resolved with their deaths (and they both even enter the final stages of this conflict by going to confession). also the plot structures of seasons 8 and 9 on their own mirror each other very closely.

this is all very important because it outlines the purpose of each of these two seasons. it's about them being fundamentally betrayed by their brother, causing that brother to become desperate and feel rejected and unloved, only for them to get what they need out of each other to reaffirm their love. they have to function as a unit, because otherwise both season's primary conflicts (as in, the conflicts established in the first half of each season) are left unresolved. instead, sam gets what he needs from dean in 823, which means that in return dean gets what he needs from sam in 923, thus closing the circle that was opened in 801.

dean reaffirmed that sam is the most important person in the world to him in sacrifice, that he would choose sam over every single other person on earth—this is what sam needed to hear, because it's the foundation of the conflict in season 8, since sam thinks dean chose benny over him and this sent him spiraling into a suicidal depression and self-loathing. so season 9, consequentially, is about dean getting what he needs from sam: he needs to know that sam will do anything in his power to save dean, which is a conflict that began in season 8 (with sam not searching for dean in purgatory) and is reasserted in 913 when sam tells him that he wouldn't violate his agency if the situations were reversed.

and this is exactly what dean gets in 923, when sam says he lied about all of that. dean gets the affirmation that sam's love for dean goes beyond petty ethics, which translates to "dean is more important to sam than anything else in the world" where the "anything else" includes sam's own moral boundaries. this is important to dean because dean eschews his own moral boundaries for sam's sake and safety over and over again throughout the series, and this is a major source of his own character development (see: 122, 203, 214, 222, et cetera et cetera). sam repeatedly denies that he's the same way, and has proven at least once that he wouldn't do the same, so this is an important affirmation for sam to give and it's why dean had spiraled into a suicidal depression and self-loathing (look, another parallel).

so season 8-9 are mirrors of each other, and they have to be mirrors of each other in order to work structurally and for any of the conflicts presented to be resolved. season 10 then is a response to this which shows the consequences of those dual resolutions: aka, sam acts just as unethically as dean does in the rest of the show, except this time knowingly and intentionally instead of subconsciously as he has been doing up to now (see: 1001, 1003, 1004, 1018, 1020, et cetera et cetera).

in order for all of this to work, the conflicts in season 8 and season 9 have to be equal. i.e. dean has to violate sam and his ethics as badly as sam violated dean and his ethics. it also has to be suitably Bad because it's revisiting a conflict that's existed in various iterations across the entire show. this is why it's also deeply important that 923 dean's death also parallels 222 sam's death, because it highlights how this conflict has always existed and how sam and dean are similar to each other. they both make the same choices under pressure and go to equally unethical lengths. which is why season 9 couldn't end until crowley told the audience that sam was trying to make a deal with him to bring dean back to life, specifically after dean begged sam to let him die. the point, then, was never about the violation itself: sam disregards dean's right to choose death just as much as dean disregards it. the season is about how sam and dean are at their cores the same, and it's about sam becoming aware of that reality and then actively, consciously choosing it. which is what sam reiterates across season 10, as a response to his choice in 923.

he only realizes that this is a Bad Thing in 1101 (i.e. after the response has run its course) when he says they both have to change. and the "both" is important because they are the same, fundamentally. sam isn't innocent of this violation of agency and obsessive deception of his brother, and he needs to understand that before actionable change can be made, which is what season 10 is all about.

and there's something poignant that can be said about 1023 being titled "brother's keeper," because this episode is about sam playing the role of brother's keeper, only for it to blow up so spectacularly in their faces that it causes the apocalypse 2.0. it forces sam to recognize that his original conclusion (that dean was right, and that he was lying) was not actually the correct and moral way to continue living. the significance of 1101 only reveals itself in the foundation laid by seasons 8-10, because these are the seasons about sam discovering just how down bad he is for his brother and accepting it wholeheartedly. season 11 then seeks to fix what seasons 8-10 broke, which is of course the entire fucking planet.

and this is the problem: the first apocalypse was caused by the absence of love, and the second was caused by too much love. their love is a destructive force that has world-ending consequences. that's the point of these seasons, what it all comes back to. in receiving the exact type and strength of love they needed from each other, they ended the world. and this is the conflict they need to resolve in season 11, or at least try to. because their love for each other can, has, and will destroy the world, over and over and over again. this theme can't exist unless seasons 8 and 9 mirror each other, unless season 9 is about sam's hypocrisy.

without that world-ending love, they couldn't have started the second apocalypse. if sam weren't a liar, he would have respected dean's choices, and he would have let dean die. if sam truly cared about bodily autonomy, dean would have died in 923 when he begged sam to let him. but he doesn't; that's not the point of the narrative. of course the violation of autonomy is important, because it provides the foundation for the conflict. but the violation is itself a metaphor, a triple whammy of symbolism: the possession is a metaphor for violation, and the violation is a metaphor for betrayal (as seen through the lens of deception).

the point of season 9 is not that dean metaphorically raped his helpless little brother; rather it's that the violation of agency goes both ways, and sam is a hypocrite for trying to maintain his autonomy while stripping it from dean. it's a continuation of season 8, which thus compacts his guilt over "abandoning" dean in purgatory and his self-loathing and fears of not being good enough or worthy enough of dean's love, which thus causes him to act recklessly and injuriously toward himself and dean. it's not a positive conclusion by any means; like i said, this is what causes the second apocalypse, and it's only after they've ended the world twice that sam finally sits down and says maybe they were wrong about this whole thing. maybe their love is too destructive.

in 912, sam says: "something's broken here [...] we don't see things the same way anymore."

in 1101, sam says: "this isn't on you. it's on us. we have to change."

sam goes from blaming dean to blaming both of them, because he realizes that they're both equal partners in their toxic, fucked up love. season 8 and season 9 allowed them to become equals by giving each other the affirmations they desperately needed to achieve true enmeshment, and season 10 is the consequence of that unhealthy relationship.

the point was never that dean violated sam. he does that over and over again throughout the series without destroying their relationship. the point is that sam is willing to violate dean all the same, and he had to face that reality head-on and accept it to resolve the conflict between them and give dean the affirmation he needed, just like dean gave sam the affirmation he needed in 823. the violation was simply a vehicle through which the conflict could come to a head, and the most provocative symbol this show could possibly use was the metaphor of sexual assault and rape, given sam's history with it via meg and especially via lucifer.

i've probably written enough now. the tl;dr is that season 9 invokes what can be interpreted as a rape metaphor not to vilify dean or even really to continue sam's ongoing rape narrative (though the violation that occurs in season 9 uses this as a foundation for the conflict and that's important to understanding the gravity of the situation), but rather to give appropriate stakes to mirror the primary conflict of season 8 and provide grounds for dean to get resolution for the conflict that began in 801 and continued through 923. god i hope this makes sense because now i've written this essay twice and i'm so miserable because of it.

my apologies if any of this is repetitive or meandering or lacking in any way; i tried really really hard to recreate my original essay and also provide more evidence and groundwork for my argument but obviously i'm sure i've missed some details and overlooked structure in many places. if you read this far, i love you and please talk to me about seasons 8-10. i'm losing my mind

[faffreux]

can you tell us about when you fell in love with fawful? :)

Yep. In fact, I'll write a whole mini essay for you so I can add it to the FAQ section of my website coming up shortly LMAO (SINCE I NEED TO FULLY ANSWER THIS QUESTION FOR THERE ANYWAY, RIGHT???) CLICK UNDER THE READ MORE TO SEE IT BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE THE LONGEST THING I'VE EVER POSTED HERE, LMAO.

To preface, I have been a fan of the M&L games going back to the early-mid 2000s when I was a kid. I had no involvement with fandom or anything of the sort back then but I used to hop on my mom's bulky computer and look up fanart and other related content as early as 2004/5 and as a result, ended up captivated by the characters long before I knew who they actually were. (As a result of this, I have the names and art styles of various old M&L fandom creators permanently ingrained in my head and often wonder where they are today since a good deal of them vanished..!) It wasn't until 2006 that I got my first handheld console (DS Lite) and of course, what did I do? Immediately begged my mom to order me a used GBA copy of Superstar Saga. 

When I finally had the game in my hands it was like coming home to a colorful world that I'd been captivated by for so long but never gotten the chance to actually explore until now. The characters felt like old friends and the Beanbean Kingdom as a location felt familiar and comforting to me. (As a side note, Popple quickly became my favorite. Shocker, right?)

I used to sketch various beans in my notebooks as well as on printer paper we had lying around the house. Long story short, I finished Superstar Saga and then a few years later in 2010 I picked up Bowser’s Inside Story and THAT’S WHEN THINGS SHIFTED–

BIS brought Fawful and his personality to life in a way that captivated my imagination like nothing else had prior. He quickly overtook Popple as my favorite character from then on forward… and that’s where it ends! Or.. is it?

Nah, that’s where it gets funky. Life got a little chaotic after that and not only did I stop playing video games altogether for many years, but I also almost completely gave up on art - the one thing I was most passionate about above all and thought I would make a career out of someday. A series of depressing events caused me to lose all hope and motivation for anything I created and the spark I’d kept inside of me for so long all but died out as a result.

We’re going to timeskip again, this time to late 2019. I’d just moved away from home permanently for the first time and had been getting settled in and no matter what I did to make my new apartment a cozy place it always felt like something was missing. My mind would keep wandering to the fact that I never made art anymore despite it having been such a key part of my life when I was younger. I so desperately wanted to change this and over the next few months the frustration only kept growing until on January 1st, 2020, I sat down in the living room with a pencil and paper in my hand and shut my eyes tightly before saying under my breath:

“I do not care what it is, I don’t care how it comes. Just please… PLEASE send me something to bring my art back. Anything… anything at all. I don’t care what I draw, I just want to be drawing again.” And with that, I placed the lead onto the paper and began to sketch…

And from there… a familiar face appeared!

(Now I could ramble to you about how much I do NOT like this drawing and how off model it is from how Fawful actually looks… but I’ll forgive myself since I hadn’t touched the M&L games in over a decade at this point and had forgotten most of Fawful’s character. And yet?? Here he was.)

How else can I explain it except that in that moment it felt like the pencil in my hand had suddenly become one of these:

A joy that I hadn’t felt in SO long suddenly filled my entire being and without wasting another second, I immediately went online and ordered both Superstar Saga and Bowser’s Inside Story to replay again. In the time waiting for the games to arrive I had started drawing daily again - sketching out various old characters of mine with dozens of doodles of the bean man stacked in between them all.

There he was… always smiling, always happy to see me, and oftentimes with his arms outstretched as if to give an encouraging hug. When the games arrived I worked through them quicker than I ever had prior - finishing up Superstar Saga in less than a week and subsequently moving onto Bowser’s Inside Story with a LOT of excitement built up for it. 

It was my first day playing and I was having the time of my life! The way Fawful looked in his little grey cloak with that enormous, charming grin of his as he bamboozled Bowser into eating the Vaccuum Shroom had me giggling with joy while words repeated in my brain over and over of: “I need to draw this later, I NEED to draw this later!!!” I WAS EXCITED ABOUT ART AGAIN… AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. I was practically hopping in my seat from the happiness I felt in my heart and chest every time Fawful appeared at this point!

This was how it felt until the moment I arrived at the Fawful Theatre and watched as he began dancing on the stage floor. THIS time.. something different came over me. If you’ve felt it before, then you’ll know what I mean when I say that it was like my entire body turned warm all at once, like some sort of flame had been lit inside. I’d never felt it for anything or anyone prior to then, and that's partly why it hit me as hard as it did. I was practically sweating.

Heck, I was so absorbed in my feelings that I had forgotten there was anyone else in the room with me! That is.. Until my roommate at the time spoke up: 

Her: Are you alright? Me: Uhhh… yeah, why? Her: You’re red as a beet. Are you sure you’re okay?

By this time I had realized what was really going on so I reassured her I was fine, grabbed my 3DS, and ran to my room to finish the playthrough on my own so I wouldn’t embarrass myself any further, hahaha.

In the days, weeks, and months following that moment I became dedicated to drawing the best art of Fawful I could possibly create! What started as a challenge to myself to ‘give back’ to the person who’d given me back the ability to create again turned into someone I genuinely could not stop drawing for how much fun I was having doing it. The desire to make better and better art in order to honor him drove me to improve at a speed I never had prior, and soon thereafter I created Jolligig as a way for me to be in this colorful world with him and to express the deepening affection I was feeling for him with every day that passed by.

By some miracle, my prayer had been answered and here it was in the form of a grinning lima bean.

[End of Part 1. Interested in the rest? Yes… there’s more, I’m sorry. Please let me know in the comments. This took a while to write so I thought splitting it up would be best if folks are interested, LOL.]