#(he is so amazingly fascinating. like i just love his brain. his mind.)

[russellius]

MOTOR SPORT: Never pushed harder: Russell seeks positives from miserable F1 season

I could comfortably lift my foot off the gas pedal and drive a percent below the limit and I could sit here right now and tell you that I wouldn’t make a single mistake. And probably when I sit through my championship years, I probably wasn’t being pushed as much as I’m pushing myself now. I’m purposely trying to push myself further and beyond, and I’m not satisfied with just being on par with my team-mate in qualifying or whatever it may be.

[fanfic-me-up]

All The Colors We Cannot See {Bakugou x Reader}

Synopsis: He sees you in the colors that light the sky, and longs for you in the darkness that follows.

Pairing: Pro Hero! Bakugou Katsuki x fem! reader

Warnings: attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, language

Word Count: 4k+

A/N: This took me like 9 months to complete, but it’s finally here. I didn’t completely stick to the request, but this is what came out. I still hope you like it! Banner made by my amazingly talented friend, go follow her @jm.rvice on instagram! 💖

💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

Blood pumps to his legs. Cement pounds his feet. Bits of rubble catch in his boots. The first spark of the night shoots up- swallowed whole by the black sky. A trail of embers remains in its wake. 

Katsuki stops. And waits.

A second passes- the crowd silent in anticipation. No one can see the spark, but everyone knows it’s there… waiting…  for the right time to explode. And just when the darkness thinks it has won, an enormous burst of light blankets the sky. In that moment, it’s so bright that Katsuki can see the skyline. Like paint splattered on a blank canvas, the sky now bleeds in red, and the explosion leaves an imprint the size of a supernova long after it’s gone. 

The crowd applauds. 

A roar is ripped from Katsuki’s throat. He pounds at the brick wall again and again, despite blood trickling down his fists. He rips his cochlear and smashes it against the wall. A sick satisfaction settles within him. The ringing that greets him is like a devil sucking on the lobe, whispering tempestuous nothings into his ear. 

Katsuki continues his ascent, taking steps by three until he reaches the top. The poor door is yanked off its hinges, but it doesn’t even cross Katsuki’s mind as he’s hit by everything all at once. Smoke slithers down his throat, roasted yakitori wafts up his nose, the rhythmic booms caress his ear, and the lavender shaded sky comforts his eyes. From up here, the people below remind Katsuki of the dots he used to see after he ignited a big explosion- how the dots blur, mix, and separate in one fluid motion again and again. 

His phone ringing is a distant echo. They’re looking for him no doubt, but who the hell cares. Not like they’d find him up here. This was yours and Katsuki’s place.

-------------------------------------------------------

He’d blow himself up if he missed even a second. 

His lungs burned. They ached for a clean breath, yet inhaled the stench of nitroglycerin-like sweat. He could’ve just blasted himself to the top and saved himself the trouble, but fuck. That. Katsuki thrived on a challenge. He loved the rush of adrenaline more than his own mother. (He’d never tell her that- she’d kill him before he reached this goddamn roof.)

He threw himself against the door in time to see the first burst of citrine hit the sky. But he also saw you, a trespasser, standing on the ledge and looking like you were about to kill yourself. You didn’t flinch at the sonic boom (like most people) nor cringe at the heat. It was like you thought the beauty outweighed its destruction. 

All that said you were fucking stupid.

“Oi! Get down from there!” 

You were immersed in skylight, and though your back was turned, Katsuki knew you were staring up in awe; your eyes reminiscent of glassy pools reflecting red, yellow, blue and all the possibilities they create. 

“Fuckin’ hell…” Katsuki muttered. He just wanted to enjoy the show in his spot. Alone. Like he did every year. “Oi, lady! You wanna kill yourself? Do it on some other roof dammit!” 

You jumped at the blasted words, losing your balance and falling off the ledge. Katsuki expected you to scream, to gasp, to cry... anything but fucking wink on your way down like playing with death is just some fucking game. But Katsuki had no time to think before he blasted himself across the roof to grab your hand- but you didn’t need it. You threw a safety line in mid-air, hooked it to the ledge with skillful precision, and used the leverage to hurl yourself back up. You landed on the ledge like a ballerina tip-toeing on a tightrope. The sheer turn of events rendered Katsuki speechless. 

 “Phew! That was fun! Let’s do it again sometime, yeah?” You wrapped the safety chord before bouncing up to Katsuki.

The fuck?

How did you…? 

 You didn’t seem to notice Katsuki’s loss for words.

“I’ve never met someone with a quirk like yours. You could put on your very own firework show!”

You tried grabbing his hand, but Katsuki’s growl stopped you. The flickers popping in his hands were a sign to back the fuck off.

You’re scared. Good, Katsuki thought.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m a bit of a pyro.” You sheepishly smiled, twirling a pink and yellow band around your finger. (You’d later twirl your wedding ring the same way.) 

Katsuki’s growl cut in its tracks. You weren’t scared like he thought, in fact, you looked lost in his sparks- your eyes zooming back and forth, trying to catch each and every one. Katsuki killed his sparks, causing you to look up at him in disappointment.

“I can’t. Mine don’t change color,” he muttered. 

Fireworks always fascinated Katsuki. As a child, he wished his explosions could change color. He imagined people looking up in awe when his sparks rained down. They’d recognize the power and the beauty.

“Hmm…color is what makes a firework...” you trailed off.

“No shit,” Katsuki snorted. How stupid are you? 

“Hold out your hands.” 

Katsuki crossed his arms, “No.”

“Oh, c’mon! Gimme your hands!” You bounced up and down, overcome with excitement. Katsuki stepped back but immediately stopped himself because Bakugou Katsuki never backs down. 

“I’m not giving you anything, woman. You’re fuckin’ weird for jumpin’ off roofs and asking for stranger’s hands. Stay the fuck away from me. In fact, this is my fuckin’ roof. Find your own.” Katsuki looked down to see his hands popping. It must’ve happened on instinct- a defense mechanism to scare off the extras who won’t leave him the fuck alone. 

Except it didn’t work on you. You only came closer. 

“Do you want to burn in color or not?” 

Katsuki saw flashes of himself in your eyes everytime a firework went off. A hunger burned in the pit of his stomach- one he’s felt countless times during battle, but this one was different. This strange warmth made him feel like jumping off the roof himself, and if he put all his might into it, he could brush the spark of a firework from fifty feet above.

“Yes,” he said. 

“Then you’re gonna have to trust me.”

“Trust you!?” Katsuki shook his head, “I don’t even know you!”

“That’s half the fun, isn’t it?” You giggled, “Now hold still.” 

Katsuki grumbled how ridiculous this was, and that whatever you tried wouldn’t work, but you ignored him in favor of pulling his hands and laying them face up. You nodded and Katsuki sighed, activating his quirk anyway because what the hell.

You’re entranced from the moment flickers popped, one by one, in his hands. They died as quickly as they were born, but still left their mark in the air. 

Katsuki’s sparks faltered as cool fingertips brushed against his wrist. 

“It’s okay, keep going,” you encourage, and he does. 

He can’t pinpoint exactly when the change happened. Like all change, he blinked and suddenly his sparks burned in color. Angry red, rooted in tormented crimson, ravished the usual, boring, orange of his sparks. 

Katsuki laughed in disbelief because how is this real? Yellow began to flicker in and out of the red, until it finally caught like a flame and engulfed the red like a warm blanket. Pink and light green began to swirl around the yellow, and the firework show Katsuki had been looking forward to all year didn’t hold a candle to the fireworks fluttering in the palms of his hands.

Katsuki looked up at you. 

Who the fuck are you? 

You giggled at his awed expression, “Our very own firework show.”

And that’s how you spent the rest of the night. His hands in yours while he burned in color for the first time.

Katsuki later discovered you could read emotions through auras. The aura becomes visible, allowing you to color a person’s quirk.

He also discovered that you didn’t need to hold his hand for it to work.

-------------------------------------------------------

A round of fireworks triggers the ringing in Katsuki’s ear. He throws his head back in ecstasy and prays the sensation tickles his eardrum for a little longer- enough to shut the part of his brain that keeps remembering you. 

Katsuki pulls the pistol out. The leather grip, so slick with sweat, that Katsuki has to wipe his hand to make sure he doesn’t accidentally set off his quirk. 

He’s not an amateur. He’s held a gun before. Every pro-hero has to undergo weapons training, but he’s never used one in combat. His quirk was always more than enough. But there’s something inherently dangerous about a gun. His quirk is an extension of himself, but a gun is a separate entity altogether- and it was designed to kill. 

Growing up, adults would praise Katsuki for his quirk. They’d say, “With a quirk like that, you’re destined to become a hero!” But they were still afraid to get too close. They saw his quirk as a weapon that was designed to destroy. And soon enough, Katsuki became the embodiment of just that. But he always felt incomplete. He wanted to be a hero like All Might. One that people looked up to- in awe of their power, not in fear of it.

That’s why he loved fireworks. The only explosion that makes people stop and stare, instead of running away, in fear for their lives.

You were the first and only person to see the beauty in his quirk.

-------------------------------------------------------

“What’s your favorite color?” 

Such a basic question that Katsuki should already have the answer to. But color meant so much more to you. You saw the world in a way that made everyone else seem colorblind. 

You twirled that same pink and yellow band around your finger as Katsuki twirled the ring in his pocket. You leaned in closer, basking in the warmth radiating from Katsuki. He watched how your eyes never left the sky, and he was content with missing the show if it meant he can watch you instead. He caught glimpses of you only when lit by a firework. He made sure not to blink during those moments else he’d miss you. Your expressions mixed and swirled as the fireworks continued, but you never lost the primary color of mesmerization painting your face.

“Blue,” you said. Katsuki had to lean in to listen; your voice an ember in a sea of fire. “But not sky blue like on a sunny day. It’s nice, but I much prefer the darker washes of blue, deep like sapphire.”

Blue, the color of sadness. 

“Why blue?” Katsuki asked. The ring in his pocket danced between his fingers.

You turned back to the fireworks. You always made sure to think before you speak when answering a question that mattered.

“Because there’s always an interesting story behind an aura of such sorrow, more importantly, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.”

“So your favorite color isn’t blue, it’s yellow,” Katsuki cut in, but you shook your head.

“There’s nowhere to go but down with yellow. Yellow is the epitome of brightness and joy, and when you crash during the high, you crash hard. But when you’re drowning in deep blue, as I’ve seen many people do, you’re at the lowest of lows- you really can’t get any lower in this life. But when an aura- and I’ve only seen this once- when an aura changes from the deepest of sapphire to sunrise yellow- well it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

The twirling of the ring in his pocket stopped. 

“That is why I believe blue is the true color of hope,” you whispered.

-------------------------------------------------------

Katsuki should feel the smooth texture of leather as he grips the gun in his hand. He should feel the weight of the gun as he brings it to his temple. But he’s numb to it all. It’s like an invisible string, pulling at his muscles, directing his body how to move. His mind goes blank for the first time, and all the inner-turmoil he’s been unable to escape just straight up… stops. It’s like he’s floating in a body of water with no current. Complete and utter stillness.

It scares the fuck outta him, but it feels good. 

As he’s about to turn the safety off, his phone rings again, snapping him back to reality. Katsuki guts his phone.

“Die!” 

The phone slides down the door like a dead pidgeon. 

“God-fuckin’-damn it...” He pushes the barrel back to his temple, craving that mind-numbing stillness once more. Anything to stop the feelings that just won’t seem to go away. 

The fireworks crescendo as the show reaches its climax. The colors begin to mix and blur together so much that it becomes too convoluted to look at. An infinite regress of color swirling in Katsuki’s mind.

-------------------------------------------------------

You glowed on purpose so Katsuki could find you. He spotted you from miles away, like a beacon of light in the middle of a storm. The melancholic blue of your aura contrasted against the raging reds that painted the sky.

Katsuki ran. He pushed and pushed past his limit, harder than any battle he’s fought in. He could’ve made it if he used his quirk, but he was in a crowded marketplace with too many people. He ripped off his gauntlets and threw them in a random alley. He immediately gained speed. A couple more feet and one minute left.

He should’ve saved his breath. If he did, he would’ve caught you in time. But he had to make sure you knew he was there. You looked down at the sound of your name. He could barely make out your face, but you saw him. He knew you saw him because your aura changed from that melancholic blue to sunrise yellow in an instant. Everyone around him gasped at the flood of light emanating from above. 

You were right. It was the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

If Katsuki produced a strong enough blast, he could make his way to the top and get you out before the bomb went off. At this point, he didn’t care who else might get hurt in the process. Next to him, Kirishima knew what Katsuki was thinking. He hardened himself to block Katsuki’s takeoff.

“Don’t do it, bro.”

“Get outta my way.”

“You can’t make it.”

“Yes I can.”

“You’ll both die.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP” Katsuki pushed him away, and prepared to blast himself, when two other heroes stepped in to hold him down, but no one stood a chance when Katsuki goes feral. Explosions erupted, not enough to seriously hurt, but enough to get people to back the fuck off. Even Kirishima (whose quirk is to literally be a human barricade) was having trouble blocking Katsuki. One more blast was enough to send Kirishima back and Katsuki used that half a second to blast off. But suddenly he couldn’t. He tried and he tried, but his quirk refused to work. A growl escaped from low in his throat as he whipped his head around, trying to find the cause to his problem so he could decimate it. 

Target acquired. 

Katsuki was about to march right up to his high school homeroom teacher and deck him right in his fuckin’ face, but before he could, he was held down once again.

He couldn’t fight three pro-heroes off without his quirk. He couldn’t get to you without his quirk. All Katsuki could do was look up and watch you die. 

Five seconds left.

He saw it in your face. The moment you realized he wouldn’t be able to save you. The yellow of your aura growing dimmer and dimmer.

Three.

You smiled through your tears.

Two.

And winked. 

One.

Then closed your eyes as you took your last breath.

The darkness that followed was unbearable.

A cacophonous wail erupted from Katsuki’s throat- loud enough to go up against any explosion. He couldn’t help but fall to his knees, unable to hold himself up any longer. He still wasn’t able to use his quirk and that only frustrated him more. 

He’d never felt so helpless in his life.

-------------------------------------------------------

He hardly uses his quirk anymore because he sees you in the sparks. He’s got no drive to be Number 1 if you’re not here to watch him do it. His will to live is gone without you and that scares the fuck outta him. He hates you for filling his head with ridiculous bullshit. He hates you for opening his mind to the possibility of love, and hope, and shit that shouldn’t matter but it fuckin’ does for some goddamn reason. He hates you. He hates you. He hates you.

That same cacophonous wail erupts from his very core. The gun falls from his hands, to the ground. It could’ve gone off at that moment and Katsuki would never know. 

His focus zeroes on his hands. How tense they get when he flexes them, how the vein protrudes from his wrist, and how his glands secrete sweat from his palms. He points them to the sky, and a familiar rush of power, that he hasn’t felt in months, surges through him. His blood boils from under his skin and he’s literally shaking from the intensity. Like a volcano spewing hot-blooded lava after an eternity of dormancy, he shoots blinding white heat into the black night.

The color from the fireworks surround his explosions as if they’re echoing his sentiment. Hot red dominates the sky- reminding Katsuki of the sky that night. This causes Katsuki to rattle off explosions quicker, setting off one after another in a staccato rhythm. The crimson sky ravishes all other color. 

If only he saved his breath. If only he’d taken off his gauntlets sooner. If only he ran a little faster. If only he blasted himself a second earlier. If only he didn’t stay back at work that day. If only he turned right instead of left at that goddamn intersection. If only he picked up the ingredients for your favorite meal the day before so he could go straight home. If only he didn’t have to drive back to the market because he fuckin’ forgot the milk again. If only he decided it was still worth it to pick you up from work early like he planned. If only he cared more about your anniversary than about cracking Top 10. If only he went to more of your art shows instead of taking extra patrols. If only he went on that trip to New York with you instead of cancelling last minute because the agency needed him. If only he realized that you meant more to him than being Number 1 before it was too late.

Little by little the crimson wash is buried by the black night and Katsuki’s eyes hurt just staring into the black abyss. It’s suffocating him, weighing his chest down and making it hard to breathe. It’s enough to drop him to his knees, just like he did that night.

You and Katsuki had long talks about your future plans. How you fit into his life, and how he fit into yours. When you’d be able to properly settle down and have kids. You accepted that the first couple years into his career would be the toughest on your marriage. Katsuki would spend more time at the agency than at home with you. Relationships with pro-heroes were like that. But you respected his ambitions. You understood the amount of time that was required to fulfill those ambitions. You never held it over him, never guilted him into spending more time with you, and never made him choose between you or his career. You loved him enough to share him with the rest of the world. You were never each other’s other halves. Instead, you co-existed as separate individuals who made the best team Katsuki’s ever been a part of. 

Yellow begins to flicker in and out, but it’s muted behind the black veil of regret. The more Katsuki thinks of your empathy and your love, the stronger the yellow becomes. It finally brightens the black sky, to the point that Katsuki almost has to cover his eyes because it’s like looking into the sun in the middle of the day. 

And that’s when it clicks.

He’s burning in color.

You must be conducting this masterpiece from above, using the sky as your canvas and coloring the emotions coming from within him.

He kills his explosions as quickly as he fired them. The fireworks come to an end at the same time. The crowd’s cheers is a fly on the wall to Katsuki.

He falls back, lying flat on the ground and looking up at the sky still shaded in yellow. His chest heaves as he tries to get his breathing back to normal, and the sloppy mixture of sweat and tears continue to slide down his face. The cool breeze is a blessing against the nape of his neck.

He struggles to hold his hands up, they shake as he brings them up to his face. He reignites his quirk with the last bit of strength. The sparks lack their usual vigor as they flutter lazily in his palms. They remind him of fireflies swirling in a jar. For once, the orange doesn’t piss him off. 

Has anyone else seen his quirk like this? When he’s not trying to intimidate or take down a villain? The only person he could think of was you. Maybe his quirk wouldn’t be seen as a weapon, maybe he wouldn’t be seen as a villain, if the world saw what he’s seeing right now.

Katsuki sits in this revelation, and the calm that washes over him is nothing like the numbness from before. He’s far from being okay, and he still longs for you in these moments, but Katsuki has a hunch that if you were here right now - holding his hands in yours- his sparks would be burning in your favorite color. And he’s okay with that.

“That is why I believe blue is the true color of hope.”

Katsuki’s phone goes off even in its broken state. His eyes dart between the phone and the gun. He groans as he gets up. His limbs, heavy, after exerting himself. He picks up his phone.

“Hey. Yeah, man, I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” 

Katsuki’s about to hang up when he takes a look at the gun. A reminder of what he was about to do. A decision he could never come back from.

 If things turned out different, he would not be here right now.  

Just the thought is enough to make Katsuki slide down the wall. He takes a deep breath- his heart beating rapidly at what he’s about to admit aloud for the first time.

“Actually, I’m not okay. I need you to come get me.”

-------------------------------------------------------

The Plus Ultra Chronicle

Musutafu Tower Attack: 06/18/2020

WHEN HOPE PREVAILS:

A DAY OF REMEMBRANCE

By: Yamamoto Ichika

06/18/2021

Today marks the one year anniversary of the 2020 Musutafu Tower Attack. Hundreds gathered this morning in remembrance of the lives lost that night. Several people who’ve lost loved ones in the attack have already come forward with statements.

Of those people, Number 7 Hero, Dynamight, has chosen to sit down with The Plus Ultra Chronicle for an all-exclusive interview. His late wife, Bakugou Y/N, was among the citizens that were held hostage that night. After taking a year sabbatical, he has decided to return to the field of pro-hero work. Here is a snippet of that interview; you can find the full interview here. 

“Thank you, Dynamight, for sitting down with us. It is truly an honor. The people want to know- what are your thoughts on what occurred that night? Can you take us through what happened?”

“It was hard on us all. Whether you were at home watching on a screen or out there in person. All of us heroes felt like sh*t- unable to do anything. It’s even worse when you had a personal attachment to a victim like I did.”

“It must’ve been difficult as a hero- having to make quick decisions that forced you to separate your personal life from the objectivity of the situation.”

“If I’m being honest, I couldn’t, and it took a toll on me.”

“Is that why you took the sabbatical?”

“Yes. I constantly questioned the validity of my title. Whether or not I deserved to be called a ‘hero’ if I couldn’t save the one person I vowed to always protect.”

“You’ll be returning to the field next month, and with a new addition to your hero costume. An amulet of what looks to be a blue-colored spark attached to the left side of your chest. It stands out against the black, orange, and green of your costume. What is the meaning of this?” 

“When I was at my lowest, my failures were all I could see. But someone once told me that you can’t get any lower when you’re at that point. The only real change you can make is to acknowledge and move forward.” 

“A symbol of hope is definitely something we all need right now. What made you decide to finally give an official statement?”

“It is my responsibility to protect the citizens of Japan so this never happens again. But I also think it is important for people to see the shortcomings of the heroes they look up to. We’re human too. We f*ck up. I used to think that made someone weak. Now, I see it as part of the journey. The testament of a true hero.”

[saladejin]

Body Pillow

Taehyung x Reader requested by anon (May) | 27.) First cuddle

Warnings: Literally fluff and gentle pining, drunken shenanigans 

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: This is poorly edited, oh god. 

I give up on trying to teach myself what a drabble is, because idk if I’ll ever understand what it means to write a DRABBLE. Anyway this is hella overdue but I’m still working on these cuddle prompts! Hope anonnie May is still around to read this horrible mess 🥺💕

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵  

<< prompt list >>

Wow, you were getting sleepy.

It was the alcohol, no doubt about it, but for some reason this time getting tipsy felt a little different. Usually you were quite reserved and withdrawn when mixing alcohol and social interactions, but tonight it was just you, your roommate Jimin and his close group of friends having a pizza night in.

Well, after half a year of getting to know them they'd fast become friends of yours as well, but they were still a pack of loud, goofy college boys that drove you mad with their testosterone stink 90% of the time. You really did have to take them in small doses to begin with, but all seven were amazingly driven people through and through. You loved them for it, and honestly sometimes you really just needed to be in their presence to relax and de-stress.

Like right now, actually. 

You were drunker than usual, and it all had to do with the fact that you were relaxed. Carefree and laughing up a storm with the boys as they joked and hollered over whatever video game or story was being played out. For the first time in a while ... you could simply chill.

Yeah, chill out. Not zone the hell out.

You blinked harshly, eyes coming back into focus as a hand waved in front of your face cautiously, and all of a sudden a handsome view leaned into your field of vision. "Hellooo? You're so fucked honey." Taehyung chuckled, eyes crinkling in amusement as he shared a glance with Yoongi behind him.

"I'm- no way," you huffed, trying to downplay the way your cheeks were heating up at his proximity by slapping his hand away.

"Okay, but you're getting there." Yoongi stepped forward and nudged Taehyung back to reach for your plastic cup. "We know you're not used to having this much so just slow down, alright?"

Any other day you would've been frustrated at how the two boys seemed to baby you, but it was clear by their smiles that they were also getting some enjoyment out of it. In all honesty, you were having a great time and you had to admit that ruining it all by blacking out or making a mess was the last thing you wanted to do.

You'd still only known them all for a few months, so you didn't want to somehow damage the already comfortable relationships you'd built in such a short time.

"Okay, you're right." You let Yoongi lift the drink away from you, trying not to smile when Taehyung lightly chuckled again at the way you swayed in your seat. The other boys were already getting loud once more as Jungkook overtook Jimin in Mario Kart, the whooping and shouts of anger mostly coming from the remaining onlookers, Hobi, Namjoon and Seokjin.

You grabbed another slice of pizza from the table and stepped around Taehyung to reclaim your spot next to Jimin, feeling the younger's eyes burn into your back the entire way.

~

Thankfully, Yoongi and Tae had forced you to take a break at the perfect moment, because you were really feeling buzzed now. It was an oddly euphoric sensation, feeling the world spin ever so slightly with laughter falling from your lips for barely any reason at all. Why hadn't you done this with them sooner?

"A package? Well it's not for me..."

Your eyes flew open upon hearing Jimin hum from the front door, lightly slurred tone curious and confused. The rest of you who were gathered in the living room fell quiet as the murmurs of conversation between him and the delivery man came to an end.

There’s a package at the door?

Then your brain cells finally kicked into gear, because oh … it was also your door.

"Wait, it's mine then." You shakily tried to put your glass of water on the table to get up, and Namjoon tutted in disapproval while darting out a hand to steady your drunk form as you rose. The faces of the other boys swam in your vision for a moment since you'd been sitting down for what felt like ages, and it was genuinely hard not to snort out a laugh at the sight of Jungkook having six eyes.

"What is it?" Jimin asked as he rounded the corner with a large plastic parcel in hand, his plump cheeks very pink from the liquor and blown out cutely. Your focus came crashing back to the mysterious parcel in his small hands.

You tried to scour the corners of your buzzing mind but couldn't remember what you'd bought online for the life of you. You gently took the package from your roommate and squinted down at your name written on the label, earning muffled sounds of amusement from the rest of the guys watching you attempt to read. "I seriously forgot, but anyway let me open it..."

"Uh uh, no way," a scolding tone came from behind you when you reached for the scissors on the kitchen benchtop. You squeaked in surprise when Taehyung yanked them away from your grasp, and he darted to the side playfully before you could even think of chasing him up.

"Yeah, if anyone it'll be Tae using the scissors since he hasn't even had a drink." Hoseok laughed, poking your cheek when you grumbled and pouted.

The others went back to the game playing on the TV while you, Taehyung and Jimin stood around to open the package. It was incredibly soft underneath the plastic wrapping, and the more that was peeled away the more you remembered your spontaneous buy.

"Oh!" You pulled up the massive lump of lime green and white cotton, the largest smile breaking out onto your flushed face. "It's the wearable blanket I wanted!"

"Wearable ... what now?" Yoongi murmured from his spot on the couch.

"Blanket," you finished, and threw the long, heavy bundle of soft material over your head. It acted as a hoodie of sorts, only oversized to the absolute max. The warm buttery feeling of the wool against your skin had you melting on the spot in the best possible way.

"What's it like?" Taehyung murmured quietly when your eyes began to flutter shut in ecstasy, any hint of the chill in the air vanishing in an instant. He seemed to be gripped in a childlike fascination for how truly extra the item of clothing - or blanket? - was. You tried not to flush even more when he stepped closer to gently pinch some of the material between his long fingers, large wonderful eyes widening at the feeling.

"So soft, and warm," you hummed in response to his question, stepping away from him to sink back into the couch now that you were quite literally drowning in fluffy blanket-like fabric. Your hazy mind could barely comprehend anything that was happening around you now that you were reaching peak levels of comfort.

Taehyung followed you down, and you vaguely registered the dip in the couch cushion as he perched himself next to you. Your eyes were closed in pure bliss, but the brief aroma of his lavender lotion swimming around your head told you it was him. You could never mistake this addicting scent; you'd grown to like it way too much in these past few months.

Too bad you were too inebriated to really act on your small crush now, considering he was literally sitting beside you and giving his full, undivided attention for the first time ... ever, actually.

The following hour flew by, but you were still completely lost in the softness of your toasty hoodie-blanket hybrid. There was no doubt that the novelty would last a long time yet, seeing how Jimin would whine out of jealousy every ten minutes or so until you finally caved, letting him have a 'turn' for an entire 60 seconds before demanding it back.

It was cold, and you were a cuddly drunk...

As the boys continued with their game, you soon felt a slight pressure rest on your shoulder ever so slightly. You cracked one eye open to see a mop of black curls out of the corner of your eye, but the haziness flooding your brain meant you couldn't really feel as flustered as you would've - say a few hours ago.

Taehyung's fingers still fiddled with the thick fabric of your blanket-sleeve, but you could barely feel his touch through the sheer amount of wool in between your arm and his hand. Something about that bugged you, but you couldn't muster the energy to think any harder at this point.

"It's the softest thing I've ever felt," he commented, a small smile evident in the way his tone tapered off into a chuckle.

You sighed and sunk further into the bed of cotton surrounding you. "Yeah, won't last long though considering how much I'm gonna use it during winter. Make the most of it while you can, Tae."

His lips parted in slight shock. "Can I?" the boy asked in a low tone, but for what exactly you still weren't quite sure. You turned your head and blinked open both eyes drowsily, grateful that you'd managed to sober up enough by now that there weren't two of him floating around beside you.

Well, more like on you at this point. You took a quick glance at everyone else to see if they were aware, but nobody was looking, and you were sure nobody would even care. Taehyung was quite touchy with his friends and you'd definitely seen it on multiple occasions, but never with you.

Not yet anyway.

He seemed to take your pause as hesitation rather than confusion. "You just look so huggable all wrapped up in it. I wanna know if it's as warm as it looks, but it's okay I can give you some room." His eyes flickered away from your face for the first time and you instantly felt the absence of his lively gaze.

He wants to hug me!?

"No Taetae c'mon." You allowed the nickname you'd always wanted to use break free - a slip the tongue thanks to the alcohol coursing through your system - and opened up your arms to invite him closer. You watched his eyes light up again like a million stars in the night sky.

"Really?" He giggled, and the sound was so adorable paired with the way his lips formed that box-like shape as he smiled, but he spared you no time for a response.

You felt the air forcefully leave your lungs when he crawled over into your heavily padded arms, his own then wrapping themselves around your waist which was swathed in mounds of cotton. You could feel the way he gently buried his face into a place near your chest. Oh God, did he just nuzzle his way in even further?

Where did he end, and you begin? Your drunken mind couldn't really focus on one singular thought, but somehow you were even comfier than before. You brought your arms back down to rest around his broad shoulders and decided to savour this moment, because you sure as hell weren't going to be able to look him in the eye after tonight.

You weren’t even that close. You being nothing more than his best friend’s roommate, and him a newfound friend you might be harbouring the tiniest crush on, but tonight was different.

"So warm..." he murmured and tightened the hold of his arms, though now you wished you could feel more skin and less wool. You imagined what it might feel like, just you and him and nothing but a normal layer of clothes separating you as you cuddled on the couch. It caused a pleased sigh to float from your lips, and you heard Taehyung let out an amused chuckle in tandem.

Could he be thinking something similar? Hopefully?

"I guess I must feel like a massive teddy bear to you," you managed to say without slurring your words, too drunk on the feeling of warmth and comfort and blossoming affection shrouding your mind.

"Damn right you do, sweetheart."

Even in the midst of all the liquid courage circulating your body you felt your heart skip a beat at the deep, relaxed tone of his voice, not to mention the pet-name. He sat up straighter and pulled you along with him, the expression on his face completely blissed out as he hugged you tighter to his frame. You could feel your heart hammering away in your chest, and just hoped to God there was enough fabric there to muffle the clamour.

There you both sat, locked together and bundled up in the mounds of cotton that was your wearable blanket, all until you drifted off to the best drunk sleep you’d ever had. It was the first of many cuddles you would share, unbeknownst to you at the time, but with a giggling Seokjin using his phone to take a blurry video of you both and a snickering Jimin egging him on, it was easy to see how one thing would lead to another the next day.

Sometimes, it appeared the key to winning over a man's heart was to not only become a body pillow, but become his body pillow. 

Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || You’re Really Smart

A/N: As someone who has a REALLY low IQ I decided to try and change it to you’re really smart, I hope that’s okay? If no one gets the lyric reference in Namjoon’s I might cry…

Seokjin:

Namjoon had the great idea of taking everyone to an escape room for the day and here you were paired up with Jin, Taehyung and Jimin who were all walking around aimlessly as they tried to figure out the room. Namjoon had told you to go with them while he went with Jungkook and Yoongi you figured it would be a breeze and for you it was. You'd already figured out the clues but kept your mouth shut cause the boys were too busy trying to come up with it.

"Guys?" You asked looking up from the floor to meet Jin who looked like he was ready to swear at his kids, Jimin who looked about ready to cry and Taehyung who was staying calm throughout.

"Why did we do a horror escape room, I hate this," Jin said to you, you smiled at him and then whispered in his ear the answer to getting out, at least into the next room.

"How long have you known this?" You shrugged your shoulders, to you it seemed simple but according to the boys it was almost impossible for them to even see how to put any of the clues together.

(X)

You all made it out of the horror escape room in record time and Jin was throwing his arms around you,

"And this is why she's the best girlfriend." He yelled kissing your cheeks and then laughing as you pushed him away, dramatically wiping your cheeks where he'd kissed you.

"You guys cheated, she has a high IQ," Yoongi mumbled you stared at him with an eyebrow raised,

"Namjoon has a high IQ though..." Namjoon stared at you and then over at the boys who were expecting an explanation.

"Just because someone has a high IQ doesn't mean their massively smart." You told them and then Namjoon agreed with you. Both of you going into a long rant about how IQ tests are measured in different ways and not everyone has a good IQ because their minds are stronger in other ways.

Yoongi:

"Yoongi can we go back to the hotel I'm tired." You yawned to Yoongi as you walked around the streets, he'd brought you along to Amsterdam with him on tour and was trying to get some sightseeing done but you'd been up all night researching for a paper.

"Maybe if you didn't stay up all night there wouldn't be a problem." He chuckled, tapping your cheeks in an attempt to wake you up. You both walked over to a small cafe and ordered a coffee, where you stood at a table and leant your head on your hands. Eyes closed as Yoongi flipped through a tour guide book trying to find his next spot.

"This will wake you up, explain string theory to me since that's what you were researching." You nodded and thought over how you were going to explain it to him,

"It's a theoretical framework in which the point-like particles of particle physics are then replaced by one-dimensional objects, strings. The theory describes how the strings propagate through space and interact with each other...String theory is a theory of quantum gravity." He stared at you from across the table, you hadn't even opened your eyes to explain it.

"That was as if it was just stored in the back of your mind...How did you do that?" You shrugged your shoulders and opened your eyes, Yoongi was starting to look uncomfortable.

"What?" You mumbled standing up straight as he pulled you back in the direction of the car he'd rented.

"Going back to the hotel."

"To sleep?!"

"No." He smirked grabbing your hand and pulling you faster through the crowds of people so he could get to the hotel as quickly as possible with you. He'd always loved how smart you were and hearing you talk about something like String theory as if it was common knowledge made him want you more.

Hoseok:

For as long as you could remember you'd had a fascination for true crime and all things like that, your brain seemed to store all of the facts about that and not much else.

"We should enter a quiz." Jungkook said as you walked into the pub in Malta, you looked up from your phone and nodded in agreement, turning to look at Hoseok who was nodding as well,

"It'll be fun." You giggled pulling Hoseok over to a table and getting the team name ready.

"It's all based on common knowledge by the looks of it," Jungkook said as you and Hoseok giggled from across the table. You'd been dating for three years and you were still just as happy as the day he asked you out.

(X)

It was the last round and so far you were doing well for points but the last round was on true crime, Hoseok looked at you and nodded. He was the only one out of all of the boys that knew about your extensive knowledge of serial killers.

"Who knows this?" Jungkook asked in confusion, you took the paper from his hand.

"Types of a killer? Easy, organised, disorganised, and mixed." Jungkook stared at you,

"How many people did Harold Shipman kill?" Jungkook read out the next question while Hoseok watched as you answered it without blinking.

"200 but that's only ones that have been confirmed, there are a lot around him that are labelled suspicious."

You won the quiz but on the way back to the hotel Hoseok had his arm linked around your waist and Jungkook asked for facts about other serial killers,

"Ted Bundy had a collie called Lassie." You yawned as the door to your hotel was pushed open, Jungkook was wide awake and wanted to know more though. Asking question after question while Hoseok walked you into the bedroom,

"Talk about it in the morning Kookie, I'm sleepy." You whined dropping onto the bed, Hoseok following you and smiling at how brilliant his girlfriend was

Namjoon:

Namjoon had fallen in love the moment you opened your mouth to talk to him. You were both walking around a museum together, your brother had Jimin decided to bring you along and now you were alone with Namjoon, both walking in uncomfortable silence until you both got excited over the same painting. You began listing of facts about the painting and artist and Namjoon just stared as you spoke about it, and then watched as you did the same with the next painting. Now, whenever you went out on dates he found himself learning more from you than he did from the small plaques on the walls beside the paintings.

"Where do you store it all?" Taehyung asked one day while you were out with Namjoon, hands locked together as you strolled through the Natural History Museum. It turned out your facts didn't stop with art, it included History and other subjects.

"I don't know, I think my brain is like a sponge and it just soaks it all up." You giggled, Namjoon smirked and span you around under his arm,

"I don't care where it comes from, your sexy mind is my favourite." He whispered in your ear, kissing your cheek as you giggled trying to push him away. When he first met you he'd never seen the need for public displays of affection but there was just something about you, something that made him want to show everyone that you were his and he was proud of you.

"I love you." He whispered to you as Taehyung wandered off, you'd only been dating for two months but he knew it was real.

"I love you too." You whispered back to him with a smile on your face, rushing off to find Tae.

Jimin:

Much like Namjoon when he first started out in the industry, you and your group were featured on a lot of different quiz shows because you were smart.

"Next we have Jimin and Namjoon from BTS and Y/N and Lucia from H.E.A.R.T." The producer said into the camera and all of you went to introduce yourself to each other and to the cameras.

(X)

The show had gone amazingly and the whole time Jimin couldn't keep his eyes off you, he found himself watching the way you worked. How whenever there was a question partially hard you would push your glasses further onto your nose, or throw your hair into a ponytail. He was teased by the host and Namjoon for staring of course, and it only made you blush whenever you felt his eyes on you and you looked up to see him staring at you.

"Where did you learn to memorise all this stuff?" He asked when you were all standing in a changing room together,

"I don't know, I guess I've just always stored it away." You laughed looking over at Namjoon who was with your band member, talking about songs you should all work on together.

"It's so hot." Your breath hitched in your throat from how outspoken he was and you blushed a bright red colour,

"I think you're hot too." You giggled, looking at the floor as you bit down on your lip trying not to come across as too eager for him but he was now blushing.

"We should hang out sometime...Without all the quizzes, maybe get some food? Or if you're too busy maybe just a drink." You tried to hold back the small laugh and nodded, touching the top of his arm to stop him from ranting.

"I'd love that Jimin, call me sometime." You told him, writing down your number on his hand and then walking out of the changing room with your band member.

Taehyung:

Taehyung knew about your extensive knowledge of Shakespeare and used it whenever he could, right now you were sitting in the dorms with him and the rest of the boys talking about old English, Tae was in a debate with Jungkook over Charles Dickens and Shakespeare.

"Look all I'm saying is Y/n can tell you different Sonnets by heart and then the meaning behind it." You looked up from your noodles and stared at Jungkook who was staring at you, Namjoon looking up from his book to hear the argument between you all.

"Sonnet 130?" Namjoon said, closing his book. Taehyung turned to look at you and you swallowed the noodles that were half hanging out of your mouth.

"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun; Coral is far more red than her lips' red; If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;

If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head. I have seen roses damasked, red and white, But no such roses see I in her cheeks;

And in some perfumes is there more delight Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks. I love to hear her speak, yet well I know

That music hath a far more pleasing sound; I grant I never saw a goddess go; My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground. And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rar. As any she belied with false compare." Namjoon blinked at you and Tae had a giant smile across his face.

"Meaning?" Yoongi questioned finding himself more invested in the conversation now you'd said a Sonnet without blinking or looking it up.

"Okay so for the shortened version it's offering the readers a different look at female beauty and what it's like to love someone with all their shortcomings and for what they don't like." You explained, going back to your food and turning to look at the TV while Tae was sitting there with a smile on his face, arm wrapped around your shoulder.

Jungkook:

You were standing in the kitchen making yourself a cup of tea when you heard Jungkook scream, you thought he'd just died in a game at first but then you heard him rushing around the living room,

"Kookie?" You questioned walking into the room to see him on his phone, you looked at the desk and his computer screen was black,

"I was in the middle of a game!" He yelled, clearly stressed out over the fact that his computer was potentially broken, he began taking it apart to see what was going on with it and then stressed even more because he couldn't figure out what was going on.

"Let me." You said throwing away the apple core and walking over, you put your glasses on and bent down on the floor.

"Wait here," You walked off upstairs and he waited for you as he looked for a new PC online but you knew he didn't need to do that, you searched through the boxes until you found it and then came bounding down the stairs carrying the power supply, taking his out and replacing it, connecting everything up to the correct holes and making sure the motherboard was linked up properly. Booting up the PC and watching as Jungkook's mouth fell open as he watched you doing it.

"What?" You questioned putting the side back onto his PC and putting it back on the desk and brushing off your hands.

"How did you know to do that?" You shrugged your shoulders and walked back into the kitchen with Jungkook asking you question after question.

tagline: 

@babymochichimmy @ficdump101 @yoongisdumplingcheeks @snowy-meowl @lynnthevirgo @yourguessisasgoodasminemate @kpopfanfictionhoes @lyoongx @rjsmochii @mitzwinchester @callingmyangel​

[darthkruge]

Hey girl I'm the clothing anon from earlier and I have got another question for you (anyone can answer yall) but what do yall think Anakin listens to when it comes to music??? Is it rock?? Hip hop?? Jazz rap?? Psychedelic rock??? Trip hop??? 90s drum & bass?? Punk?? Metal?? Like what would his Spotify play list consist of?? What does he listen to on the spaceships when he's going on the missions?? DOES CORUSCANT HAVE POP SINGERS??? RAPPERS?? DOES HE LIKE DRAKE??? WOULD HE LISTEN TO ARIANA GRANDE??? WOULD HE BE A BEYONCÉ OR A RIRI STAN??? This is so important like I need to know (yall can give your opinion but I feel like he's a Riri type of boy). DOES ANAKIN EVEN LIKE MUSIC???? Like all of this is running through mind & I thought I should put it out there and maybe you can give your opinion & your thoughts

OMG HI ANON IM SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK IN MY HEAD I REFER TO YOU AS “INTELLECTUAL ANON” BC YOU BE ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

OKAY the way I lowkey don’t know but I’m gonna try and get my ideas to function bc I have some ideas

First off I think Anakin is fascinated by music. Especially when he first goes to Coruscant and sees actual singers and like bands he’s probably like “woahhh” and he could listen to it forever. I just see him being very interested in basically everything. Mans is smart af and loves to use his brain, he wants to understand as much as he possibly can. 

As for the music taste itself: I think Anakin kinda has like a variety. 

I AGREE WITH YOU WITH THE RIRI THING THO THAT MAKES SENSE AND IDK WHY BUT YES

I also see him listening to Harry Styles. Why? Who’s to say. But Kiwi comes on and he goes 🤩🤩

I have been listening to Melodrama by Lorde and Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers on repeat all day and I am desperately trying to not project lmao

I kinda think he likes rock and hip-hop. I think he really likes the beat of it, something to get his heart pumping, y’know? Like if he’s on his speeder he wouldn’t wanna be listening to Lo-Fi. 

That being said, Anakin would not feel comfortable listening to music with like misogynistic or homophobic or racist lyrics or any of that shit. I strongly believe that he loves listening to the words. He just like really loves finding those songs that he connects to. I think that having songs with like deep meanings would mean everything to him. He always felt alone, if he had some songs where he could know that at least someone understood what he was going to and could put it into words, it would have truly helped. Now I’m sad-

I also think he loves to make Spotify playlists but he never finishes them. Like mans has 50+ unfinished playlists. Because he’ll want to make one for a specific mood but then he’s like “ooh this one works but not quite let me make a new one” so then he goes to the new one and finds a few songs but then it changes the vibe of it so he scraps it. He wants them to be perfect and fit and sometimes it doesn’t and he’d get really frustrated 💀

Also I think Anakin would love making playlists for you. He’d be like “these songs reminded me of you” 🥺and they might be all over the place. Like some Ari, some Taylor Swift, some old R and B, some random alternative songs, classic rock, some ABBA, but the vibe would be so perfectly you and it would make sense. 

And if you ever gave him a song suggestion, mans would take that shit seriously. Again, he wants to know you, to understand you. He wouldn’t just put it on the background one morning as he brushes his teeth, he’d put on headphones and pull up the lyrics and make sure he truly understands the song, to its core, because that would help him get you.

I also think he’d lowkey like musicals and soundtracks too. No this is not just because I’m a theater kid. I think he’d love the stories. They’d remind him of the stories his mother used to tell him. Ever since his childhood, he’s found comfort in stories, characters, definitive endings. 

And Anakin’s sad boi hours playlist is probably heartbreaking. Like he pours his heart and soul into those playlists, even though they’re chaotic and kinda unorganized, the songs he does choose for each one work amazingly. Especially if they relate to an emotion he feels a lot. 

Y’all I’m a singer and I write music and I love music so this was kinda me projecting a little but I think he’d love it, all genres. He’d be entralled, like “why are these melodies and words making me feel everything.” I love it, I love him slfsdjf

AS ALWAYS IF ANYONE HAS ANY OTHER IDEAS WHAT KIND OF MUSIC HE’D LISTEN TO PLEASE LET ME KNOW I WANNA DISCUSS

[emerald-amidst-gold]

Tin Foil Hat Time!

So, earlier I had stated I was donning my tin foil hat? Well, I think it’s time to let that baby shine, so let’s get crinkling! I shall put it under the cut since I’m rambler! >:3

I had had these thoughts before, but I saw a post once upon a time that literally made the idea reemerge from the depths of my scattered little brain.

Basically that thought was: Is Solas a spirit that has taken a form much like Cole has, albeit in a completely different circumstance?

There are three things that make my mind whirl with this concept and has me going, “Wait, wait! That makes sense! Are they seriously--? Waaaait!” I’ll go down the line.

1. Solas’s intimate knowledge about the nature and purpose of spirits.

Obviously, Solas is an expert on matters of the Fade due to that fact that he created the whole realm in the first place. However, there’s something more..deep in the explanations he gives and how passionate he gets when spirits are looked down on or misconstrued. I mean, yes, in the time of Arlathan, spirits were part of the world and were common place, so it would stand to reason that most ancients elves were intimately tied to spirits. But Solas...it seems like more to me. He pinpoints the nature of a spirit almost immediately, he can sift through their cryptic meanings with relative ease (i.e. Cole), and the way he speaks at times is like he’s detecting the flow of person’s thoughts or emotions. He’s even, calm, thorough, and it’s how I imagine a spirit of Wisdom would speak. It’s a shame we didn’t get to hear much of his friend’s speech patterns because it would have been cool to compare.

2. How Solas often times consoles or relates with Cole.

Solas and Cole’s relationship has always been a point of fascination for me. I love listening to the dialogue between them and trying to piece it together without looking it up because it’s amazingly profound. I also have to ‘Awww..” when Solas actively tries to help Cole acclimate himself to the physical world such as this banter sequence:

Cole: It's brighter here. Glittering. Glaring. Glinting. I can't...

Solas: It's a mild tremor in the Veil. Nothing to worry about. Focus on what is here, in this world.

Cole: But... what is here?

Solas: Feel the ground, the breath in your lungs, fabric rustling against your skin.

Cole: (Breathes.) Thank you.

Solas: It's nothing. It can be overwhelming for anyone.

The way Solas guides Cole through this moment of panic and anxiety practically screams to me: “He can do this because he’s felt this sensation before.” It could be simply that after awakening from Uthenera that Solas had a similiar experience as the moments in which Cole feels overwhelmed, but the fact that Solas pinpoints the exact reasoning behind Cole’s discomfort is mind boggling to me. Again, it could be just that Solas can detect distortions in the Veil since he created it, and therefore, it’s practically his magic, but the speed at which he responds to Cole’s nervousness is immediate--subconscious. 

3. (This is the big one for me) Cole’s one line of dialogue in Trespasser.

"He did not want a body. But she asked him to come. He left a scar when he burned her off his face."

This. This line had me going, “Wait. What?! Hold on, hold on! What?!” Let’s break it down.

He did not want a body. 

This could mean one of two things. First, it could simply be referring to the fact that Solas did not want to be awakened from Uthenera--that he wanted to continue to exploring the Fade and believing that what had transpired was but a dream to be reflected in it. OR it could mean he didn’t have a body to begin with--that he was a spirit that manifested, much like Cole, because something resonated with his purpose so much that he decided to form physically. What that purpose was or is, I’m not sure, but it has something to do with the next line:

But she asked him to come. 

Assuming that ‘she’ is Mythal then it would lead one to believe that she ‘summoned’ Solas for a specific reason. Was it for justice? Revenge, as Flemeth stated? Or was it simply to be bound? Because the next line:

He left a scar when he burned her off his face.

This I believe refers to the vallaslin. I don’t believe we know precisely if Solas himself had vallaslin, but this insinuates he may have and it might have been Mythal’s design, which again, points towards the last line that states Mythal asked Solas to ‘come’. Had she branded him once he took a solid form? What were her plans for him? Did she take advantage of his purpose, whatever that may be? Wisdom or his namesake: Pride?  Is it linked to what will happen in DA4 since we still aren’t sure what Mythal precisely wants? Is she using Solas for something darker or grander? 

Did she warp a spirit into perceiving themselves as elven to achieve something before she was murdered? 

I mean, if we really wanna jump down the rabbit hole I could ask: Is it possible that a person, a solid person, could be made into a spirit? If Solas isn’t a spirit, could he have been made into one or did he himself do so, like how Cole made himself human? 

Tin foil hat. Tin foil hat. Thank you for crinkling it with me. Again, I could be over analyzing the fuck out of this and misinterpreting a lot of shit, but there’s something going on and, of course, it’s all about Mythal. What the hell does she waaaaant?!

[bau-rookie]

a close examination of Hotch and Foyet

in which Hotch’s greatest strength becomes his fatal flaw.

(a/n: super long essay, because i don’t know how else to consume media apparently lol. i’ve been sitting on this since “100″ because it is really sad and I just wanted to make sure I get all my thoughts in order. It is, to my discovery, Aaron Hotchner’s birthday today, so what better way to celebrate than by explaining all the ways the Foyet arc reads like a Greek tragedy and how Hotch is an amazingly well-written character. Sorry the only way I can think about paying tribute is by making myself sad. Oh there’s GIFs too! I made them and that’s neat :D)

I. Ingredients for a Greek tragedy.

Greek tragedies stem from classical plays, usually about the nobility, and is centered around their struggle against the Gods/Fate. The noble character has a hamartia, or a fatal flaw, usually their own arrogance, that brings upon their own downfall.

Technically, Criminal Minds would fall under the category of modern tragedy which focuses more on common people and everyday problems. (Though you could argue that being a BAU profiler isn’t your typical career, which makes our characters noble not by blood, but in spirit.)

In modern tragedy, there is less of an emphasis on the involvement of a higher power or Fate. Every bad thing that happens is of mankind’s own making, and this is something that CM discusses often, that evil isn’t necessarily brought upon by a higher power. It’s brought upon by ordinary people choosing to do terrible things. 

And Foyet is no different. He chose to kill all these people because he wanted to, but his fascination with Hotch and how his plans for him play out, entrap Hotch in a tragedy more Greek in nature.

What Foyet ultimately does is take Hotch’s greatest strength—his stoic resolve to serve justice—and uses it to hold him personally responsible for the death of his ex-wife, all while bending the hand of Fate to his will.

II. Hotch as a noble character.

In “Omnivore” we are introduced to the Reaper and the many ways he tries to exert control and power over his victims. After killing so many times loses its appeal, the Reaper decides to toy with detective Tom Shaunessey by offering him a deal—if you stop hunting me, I will stop hunting them. 

While we sympathize with Shaunessey simply trying to save lives, he does so with the knowledge that he is deliberately letting a serial killer go free. The fear and the guilt eats away at him until his death.

Hotch, on the other hand, quickly establishes himself to be a resolute pursuer of justice. We don’t get to make those decisions. We don’t let them get away with it. He holds onto the idea that they have no right to decide who lives or dies and that the victims that unsubs like the Reaper takes, are not something he, or anyone in his line of work, should feel responsible for. Their sole responsibility is to stop them. 

This isn’t to say that Hotch is unaffected by the increasing number of bodies. When he turns down the deal and the Reaper attacks the bus full of people, he is visibly shaken by this, so much so that we see Hotch cry for the first time. It takes Rossi delivering some tough love to remind him of what’s important.

Look, if you want to end up like Shaunessy, like Gideon, blaming yourself for everything, you go ahead. But that voice in your head—it’s not your conscience. It’s your ego. This isn’t about us, Aaron. It’s about the bad guys. That why we profile them. It’s their fault. We’re just guys doing a job. And when we stop doing it someone else will.

Hotch and the team in general, are faced with constant reminders that they are only human. They are fallible and cannot control every outcome. 

Not everyone can handle the stresses of being a profiler. Despite the horrors, the chance of failing, Hotch’s greatest strength is his stoic resolve. He’s become our beloved Unit Chief, the person on the team who takes on the most pressure, takes it upon himself to, at times, shield the rest of the team from the greater burdens. Personally, he’s arguably also the one who sacrificed the most to have this job, having lost his marriage.

Yet despite the horrors, despite the toll, Hotch shows up for the job anyway. Because he can’t imagine letting the bad guys get away with it.

III. Foyet as a representation of Fate

“The Eye of Providence. A symbol adopted by the U.S. Government with the words: Annuit Coeptis. Latin for “Providence or fate has favored our undertakings.” The Reaper seems to see himself as the personification of Fate.”  — Dr. Spencer Reid, “Omnivore”

From the beginning Foyet is shown to have a flair for theatrics. He leaves markings of the Eye of Providence, writes Fate in blood, calls himself the The Reaper. He has delusions of grandeur and posits himself as a higher power, one who gets to decide the course of other people’s lives. Everyone who has the misfortune of coming into contact with the Reaper, becomes another chess piece in his twisted game of Fate.

In another life, Hotch would never cross paths with Foyet. But because he did, Foyet acts as Fate, bringing down divine intervention in the form of driving Hotch into a tragedy of his own making.

Foyet acting as Fate is, paradoxically, also an argument against the actual existence of Fate. Everything that happens is a result of Foyet’s choices. It is him, a man, and not Fate who is choosing to kill, maim and be cruel.

When it came to Shaunessy, Foyet also emphasized pinning the blame of the death of innocent lives on the failure of law enforcement. It isn’t Fate when there’s something you could do to stop it. Shaunessy took the deal because he felt personally responsible for the possible loss of lives, an outcome that Foyet pretty much predicted, but one that doesn’t really affect him. Shaunessy agrees, he gets off on controlling the police. If he doesn’t, well, he can just keep on killing.

Foyet repeats the deal with Hotch. Offers him the deal, which Hotch refuses then immediately murders 7 people on the bus, setting a chain of cause and effect that makes it seems like Hotch’s actions led to this gruesome outcome. Again, placing the blame personally, on Hotch. And Hotch does blame himself, if momentarily.

Later, once Foyet escapes and corners Hotch in his own apartment, he makes it clear, you should have made a deal. Foyet acts as a vessel for Fate, a vehicle through which the consequences of Hotch’s actions are served. 

Foyet takes it a step further, when he puts Haley and Jack in witness protection. Left all the usual clues, to simply say your wife and child are in danger because you never took the deal. I hold all the cards here, your fate will come for you eventually.

Then Foyet disappears, and waits. Leaving Hotch filled with guilt over endangering his ex-wife and child, at the mercy of Foyet’s arbitration of Fate.

IV. Dominoes and fatal flaws

By the time “100″ rolls around, you’re so captivated by the action happening on screen that it’s easy to overlook how we got there. When I first watched this season, I had assumed that Foyet would be put on the back burner until the end of the season. His quicker-than-expected return seems to be happenstance, the writers behind-the-scenes doing some plot magic, but if you reexamine the events that lead up to “100″ we see Foyet’s greater machinations at play.

On the surface, the preceding episode “Outfoxed” seems to be a straight forward throwback to an earlier case. Faced with a family annihilator, Hotch and Emily visit the original Fox in prison, believing the current unsub might be a copycat. The episode seems to be about the mental toll being a profiler brings, with Emily contending with a sense of disgust at having to get intimate with a serial killer (post-”Lauren” this reads very differently, but I digress). Until right at the end, when they reveal the admirer letters were actually from Foyet, and the one being outfoxed is Hotch.

When the events of “100″ go down, we hear Foyet repeatedly blame Hotch for what happens with Haley, calls out what we see as a noble resolve to instead be Hotch’s fatal flaw. It was the same thing that led Haley to leave him, a failing borne from Hotch’s own ego, the part of him that insists that it be him who catches the bad guys, that it be him who risks it all. And Foyet uses that to his advantage, uses Hotch’s resolve to trick him into thinking that maybe he did cause all of this tragedy to happen.

One small detail that caught my attention, and set me on this Greek tragedy path, is when they try to track down Foyet in “100″, Garcia notes that he had set an internet search alert for the name “Peter Rhea.”

At this point, Foyet was ready to go after Haley and Jack. He already had pictures and surveillance of the U.S. Marshall in charge of them. He could’ve gone and killed them anytime, but that’s not how Foyet operates. He needs Hotch to feel personally responsible for things ending badly. He set the bait with the letters and simply had to wait for Hotch and the team to get close enough, to find Peter Rhea. This is, of course, incredibly risky. The team could catch him before Foyet gets anywhere close to Haley and Jack, but Foyet is sure of himself and is an extensive planner. He made sure he was always two steps ahead.

The irony is that Foyet would never have gone after Haley and Jack if Hotch and the team didn’t get close to tracking him down. There’s an added layer of Spencer figuring out Foyet’s alias using his genius anagram deciphering brain and Garcia’s expert tech analyst skills. Foyet managed to hurt Hotch because this specific BAU team are just too damn good at their jobs.

Foyet set up dominoes that only Aaron Hotchner could tip to fall. He does it so well it almost feels like Fate.

V. The inevitability of fate

“Men heap together the mistakes of their lives and create a monster called destiny.”  — John Hobbes, “Omnivore” closing quote.

A key aspect of Greek tragedy, is that Fate is often the result of divine intervention. They cause certain events to happen in certain ways so as to result in the most tragic outcome, usually death. It’s designed so that the audience is aware of what’s to come, and can see no other way for the story to end. The tragedy is supposed to feel inevitable.

One could argue, that there is no such thing as Fate. Life is simply a sequence of random happenstance, but our need to prescribe meaning to the chaos cobbles up stories of predetermined destinies. Especially when the idea of owning up to our mistakes and their consequences is too much.

All of this was the result of one sick man, George Foyet, choosing to be so cruel. And Hotch was simply a victim of circumstance because if Foyet wasn’t going after Hotch, he’d be going after someone else.

But what are the odds that Hotch’s first case as lead profiler happens to be The Boston Reaper? It was from that moment that Hotch’s fate was really sealed, he and Foyet would be forever intertwined. 

Hotch, being who he is, had inadvertently, made the Reaper personal. Even when his BAU team was sent away, his resolve wouldn’t let the Reaper simply disappear. It led him to build his profile, alone and over many years. Any other person might’ve just let the case go, but not Hotch.

So when Shaunessy died and the Reaper resurfaced, the only person in the world who knows enough about the Reaper to track him down, is Hotch. It’s what leads him to George Foyet, a victim at first glance, and Hotch comes to him unaware that he is promising The Reaper a new, worthy adversary, one a decade in the making. And everything, from his prison escape, to his attack on Hotch in his apartment, plays out exactly as Foyet expects it to, because as much as Hotch can read him, Foyet can read his behavior too.

At the end of 5x03, “Reckoner”, Rossi talks about what could have been when it comes to his childhood sweetheart to Hotch. About how he was too obsessed with his job, with the hunt that he gave up his chance of having a family. Rossi warns Hotch, don’t make my mistakes, kid.

You have a family. When all this is over, what are you gonna do to make sure you’re not a lonely guy wondering why you let the purest thing in your life get away?

My initial reaction was that they were setting up for Hotch to leave the BAU for good. The man who hung on to the job so much that it cost him his marriage, for the first time, actually considers leaving it all behind him. Because what Rossi says to him, driven by the circumstances that Foyet has created, is too profound for him to ignore. Foyet is too big of a thing to just move on from once its over.

Of course, my hopes of Hotch riding off into sunset to live a quieter life and watch his son grow up were optimistic at best. It’s a fantasy that purposely ignores the reality of who Hotch is, simply because I want the alternative to be possible. By the time Haley is buried, and Strauss offers Hotch retirement, we already know what his answer is going to be. Because everything we know about this man can only lead us to one conclusion.

Aaron Hotchner is the man who goes after the bad guys, the man who doesn’t let them get away with it. No matter how much I yell at my screen about how Hotch should just retire and spend all his time with Jack, deep down I knew that was never going to happen. Him losing Haley and still going back to work, seems like the only logical outcome. It’s almost feels inevitable.

VI. Catharsis

The point of tragedy is, according to Aristotle, to achieve catharsis. The purging of emotion through the telling of another person’s suffering. And that’s what “100″ does (unless your heart is made of stone and you somehow did not tear up even once).

Others would say that tragedy is meant to teach us a lesson. Meant to teach us the limits of our mortal abilities, to warn against hubris and arrogance; to remind us that they are higher powers and unseen forces beyond our understanding or control.

Criminal Minds doesn’t try to give us that lesson. Like in so many previous cases, the premise of a crime procedural is really a way of examining human nature. Why do people do bad things? More often than not, though our profilers can figure out how an unsub goes from doing thing A to thing B, they don’t have a satisfying answer for why. 

In Foyet’s case, he does all of this to Hotch because he can, because he enjoys making him suffer. It is evil, unnecessarily cruel. There is no sense to be found in what happened.

But “100″ does not deliver pure tragedy. It ended in the death of Haley but it also provided hope in the survival of Jack. Hotch finally rids the world of Foyet, though the way it went down, you can’t help but wonder about the price of justice, if the cost is too much for this one man to pay. But then the show reminds the audience, that this one man isn’t bearing that cost alone.

Aaron Hotchner has his team, his family, and with their support, a chance to recover from the tragedy that Foyet wrought.

I used to think that, despite being dead, George Foyet still won. He set out to hurt Hotch, and that’s exactly what he did. We’ve only seen Hotch openly cry twice at this point, and they both were directly caused by Foyet. And I suppose that’s still partly true. It’s hard to really tell with our stone-faced unit chief, but it’s hard to see how Foyet wouldn’t linger.

But that victory isn’t absolute. Foyet is gone, and he loses every time Jack gets to spend another day happy and alive. Foyet loses, every time Hotch shows up for the job and doesn’t let another unsub like him get away with it.

And maybe that’s the lesson. That though good doesn’t always triumph over evil, there is a way to move past tragedy. And that path lies not in solitude, in carrying the burden alone, but in the solace of our friends and family who can bear witness to all that we must face.

For all all my waxing poetic about how Hotch is a noble hero, this entire ordeal just shows how human he is. Yet despite his flaws and the tragedy, the core unassailable truth of who he is, the values he represents, remain unchanged.

He is Aaron Hotchner. The guy who hunts down guys like Foyet. The guy who doesn’t let the bad guys get away with it. The guy who, despite everything, managed to save his son. The guy who will keep his promise to the woman he was once married to, to teach their son that love is the most important thing. The guy who makes sure that his son knows that good people do exist.

Aaron Hotchner is the guy who, despite all the hurt, the pain and the loss, chooses to be the hero. And that’s the farthest thing from tragic.

[fullkingdomphilosopher]

Moriarty is not dead (yet)

Hello and a warm welcome to the three people who have somehow lost their way here. You are in for a ride. (Hope you read to the end.)   :)

Because today I feel the need to waste my time by sharing my thoughts about a fictional character into the void of the internet to get it out off my mind. It might get a little long and unstructured at points so please bare with me. But you have been warned. So without further ado let us discuss why (BBC Sherlock’s) Moriarty is in fact. not. dead. (I have read many illogical theories about this topic so I am not claiming in any way to have come up with everything myself. The following will be a mixture of canon facts,  my own thoughts and other people ideas. Irrelevant/not so convincing information will be stated in brackets or I will probably leave most of it out. Get comfortable and enjoy.)

Let us begin at the beginning by first taking a look at the information we get about Moriarty throughout the series. Please keep this general information in mind for later. (Here I will only comment if at all very superficially. Most are only general impressions I not necessarily agree with.)

(1) One can simply summarise season ones information about Moriarty the following way:  

1. Moriarty is a criminal mastermind (consulting criminal)

2. He is bored, insane, intelligent, rich and powerfull

3. Sherlock-fanboy

4. Has not too much will to live

(2) So now let us take a more or less objective look at season two or more precisely some parts of »The Reichenbach fall«.                                                  

•Near the end Moriarty sits at the edge of the roof playing “stayin‘ alive” which he then upon Sherlocks‘ arrival comments by saying: “ (...)The Final Problem. “Staying Alive”. So boring, isn’t it? It’s just… staying.(...)”.                              

This tells us the following (does it?) : 

1. Moriarty is bored of living and wants to die 

2. Moriarty has planned for Sherlock to die now

3. Both

•Later while convincing Sherlock to jump he makes the mistake to say: “ (Your death is the only thing that’s going to call off the killers.) I’m certainly not going to do it.” which leads to the conclusion that Moriarty needs to die to make Sherlock jump. And by no means do I deny that Moriarty is mad enough to go as far as to kill himself only to win against Sherlock. (If he could have been completly sure to win he definitely would do so without hesitation.) He IS insane after all.

•Before shooting his brain out while talking to Sherlock he seems very...emotional. Since he is (very quickly) convinced now that Sherlock is not an ordinary person moreover he even is HIM (Moriarty) he can/has to die now peacefully (because he doesn‘t feel alone anymore) forcing Sherlock to jump.

Okay so now let us be a little more sceptical. You are telling me that we fully accept Sherlock beeing able to fake his death with Mycrofts help and even with a list of different plans but for the guy whose LITERAL job it is to fake deaths and who has an equally high IQ (or even higher) than Sherlock, it seems unlikely? (Keep in mind Moriarty is actually the superior one in this scene. We will discuss this later.) Moriarty didn‘t even care where the two of them would meet. It‘s like you can almost hear him say: “Wherever faking your death is easier for you darling. I will win anyway.” He actually wanted Sherlock to survive because he has bigger plans for him. Just think about it: if you were a psychopath and bored your whole live and then finally miraculously you find an interesting fragile toy, would you break it quickly or rather carefully play with it for as long as it still gives you joy? Also faking ones death by a shot in the head seems possible at almost any location. Just saying. (This one is a little far stretched but if Moriarty IS Sherlock wouldn't he do exactly the same thing? Faking his death, disappearing for a while and then amazingly coming back from the dead? But let's not digress.)   He wants Sherlock to survive so badly he actually helps him by giving him hints (thats what the bored kind of criminal does). Did you notice how Moriarty after saying “I’m certainly not going to do it.” (You really think he would make such a dumb mistake while not even being pressured by anything?) turns his head back and expectedly looks at Sherlock?And he doesn't do so to watch him jump. If that was the case I believe he would give him his whole attention instead of shortly looking over his shoulder, no he waits for Sherlock to get it, to react. But let‘s continue with what happens before Moriarty “spontaneously” decides to kill himself. After their dramatic chat Moriarty shakes Sherlocks hand (which confuses Sherlock) and only lets go when he shoots himself. This might be a sign for his men/snipers for scenario “fake death” so they can shoot somewhere near him or anything like that. He could have faked his death by blood pakets in his coat, drugs, sleeping spray you name it. I don't really care how he did it (it‘s pointless to spectaculate about this) but I am quite sure if someone would find a way to do this it would be him.(Another thing is that while Moriarty drops dead to the ground he doesn't let go of the gun which is rather strange...and the blood only streamed from his head instead of splattering. But let us just write this off as a movie mistake. After all everybody makes mistakes. Also things on TV probably can't be too gory.)

(3) Season three. I think this is the most confusing season regarding the information about Moriarty. First of all we indirectly get to know from Anderson (yes I know very reliable source) that Moriarty‘s body wasn't found since his theory regarding Sherlock‘s death indicates that Moriarty‘s dead body with a sherlock mask on his face was used as Sherlock‘s dead body on the pavement. And while yes this is very ridiculous I think it is strange how Lestrade didn‘t correct him on the fact that it couldn‘t be Moriarty‘s body since it was found on the roof. (But admittedly this doesn't need to mean anything. Maybe Lestrade was just too fed up with him already.) However the confusing part just starts here. If we assume no body was found then how do they know Moriarty is dead? Who gave them this information? If you take a closer look it seems only people somehow related to Sherlock seem to know about Moriarty‘s death. But on TV they NEVER mention anything about it. They only report about how Moriarty supposedly was only an actor named Richard Brook paid by Sherlock to seem smart and about Sherlock falling or jumping to his death. Okay so they probably have got this information from Kitty but wouldn‘t it be very strange if Richard Brook committed suicide on this same roof before Sherlock jumped? Why would he do that? Also while still “playing” Moriarty since he didn't wear Brook‘s clothes? Nothing I can think of makes any sense how you could explain to the public why Richard Brook decided to commit suicide there. But then again even the papers only write about the death of the “fraudulent detective“ not mentioning anything about Moriarty or Richard Brooks death.  Why not? Wouldn't this cause even more drama? “Fraudulent Detective kills”    (or forces man to commit suicide). More drama means more readers/viewers so why not mention anything about it? Unless there is nothing to report about it since no body was found. Good you might say maybe Moriarty‘s men just took the body after Sherlock jumped but then how did Lestrade and Anderson knew he was dead? (Or was it just a ridiculous assumption of Anderson that Moriarty was dead? Well that would be a big coincidence.) Or maybe Mycroft‘s men took it and told Scotland Yard but why not make it public then? Or maybe really noone (except for Sherlock and Mycroft) knew about his death at this point? (Wouldn't Mycroft check for Richard Brook then?)  Wouldn't the reporters wanna interview Brook then? About this traumatic event he got pulled in? Drama is good not only for the press but also for an actor. Brook would love to get attention in this case wouldn't he? Wouldn't...you know Kitty notice Richard was gone and report on that if he was really dead? Wouldn't it be strange that Brook suddenly stops acting? Well we don't really get any information so from this (admitted mess) I just conclude that simply no body was found. (If you can explain this situation otherwise you are very welcomed to do so.) And you know this is really funny because a certain someone himself said that it can only mean one thing in a detective show when there is no body (looking at you Mr. Moffat) namely that the victim survived. (I suppose you could also explain everything if it indeed was twins this way: Moriarty is dead and Brook is with Kitty. But I personally am not really convinced by this. Not because Sherlock said it‘s never twins but think about it: How big is the probability for both of them beeing amazing actors? This theory that Moriarty has a twin brother is quite popular. A main argument for this is how Moriarty is left handed while Brook appears to be right handed. Well First of all he can just be ambidextrous and second Jim from IT also mainly used his right hand in the scene he was in. And the creators stated first it was planned for Moriarty to only appear in this scene as Jim from IT so it definitely is Moriarty. Or do you think Moriarty would want his twin brother to meet Sherlock? That would miss the point. Moriarty is fascinated or rather obsessed with Sherlock that‘s why he wanted to meet him. Also if you watch closely you can see how he grins when leaving turning away from Molly. His (probably nonexsistent) twin brother wouldn't have any reason to do so. So we know he is quite good at acting/manipulating. Also if you think about it it is the exact same strategy: He finds a person that is useful to him, wins their trust and gets into a relationship with them to be able to get what he wants with their help. The exact same thing he did with Molly he now did with Kitty. So that underlines that it indeed was him and not a twin brother. Also wouldn‘t a twin brother...you know...ruin the joke of the name “Richard Brook”? Anyway after faking his death he probably just stayed with Kitty and then broke up with her/left her after the situation calmed down again.)

(4) Ah yes now on to my favourite part: Season four. What do we get to know in season four? Right! EVERYTHING WAS PLANNED! So Moriarty knew(/hoped) Sherlock wouldn't die there and he also probably knew he had to fake his death because otherwise Sherlock couldn't fake his. So he had way more than enough time to plan how he is going to do it. Why don't we deal with why Moriarty killed himself now. The obvious answer in season two is that he kills himself so Sherlock has to jump and Moriarty beats him this way. Some may say he hadn't any other choice which I don't agree with. If there was a code to stop the killers then there also was one to make the killers shoot the victims immediately. Moriarty could have just counted from 5 downward and if Sherlock didn't jump in that time he would just give the command to kill John, Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade. I mean what did he had to be afraid of? Beeing killed by Sherlock? Now that wouldn't make any sense would it if he decided to kill himself instead anyway? (Also it totally makes a lot of sense for Moriarty to squeak afraid when Sherlock holds him over the edge. That totally is what a person indifferent of life or without any future plans would do.) So you might be asking yourself why he would go as far as to make Sherlock believe he is dead especially when he knew Sherlock would survive the fall anyway? Why the struggle? Well that‘s simple. (That‘s the final problem: Staying alive.) He is playing a game. In case you didn't notice Sherlock played dumb/clueless in season 2 episode 3 with not only Moriarty but everyone around him since he couldn't be sure when Moriarty listens and wanted to have the upper hand in their little game. But everything Moriarty said on the rooftop was an act as well and if that is really the case he is not simply a good but a BRILLIANT actor.He had the upper hand all the time no matter what Sherlock did but he wanted Sherlock to believe that he is dead so Sherlock would feel he was superior over Moriarty. Great minds think alike. Also while yes of course Moriarty would be crazy enough to kill himself you can not tell me he wouldn't want to see Sherlock play with his sister, to see him struggle and fail. I mean his whole life purpose since he found Sherlock was to beat him so you're telling me he wouldn't wanna be there when what he has worked for finally happens? (I mean come on: he even paid over 30 million pounds in season one just to get Sherlock OUT to play and now he is fine with not seeing the ending? Why not watching Sherlock ‘fall‘? It is no secret he is OBSESSED with Sherlock.). He could still have killed himself afterwards. Also does he really trust Eurus THAT much? Okay so now you might ask why he didn't show himself in season four then. (No rush.) Patience is key my friend. (One last not very convincing thing in season four I just want to throw in: In one of Moriarty‘s recordings in Sherrinford in which he immitates a clock he stops after Sherlock screams. I guess it could be a coincidence but regarding none of the other recordings stopped showing only a quietly at the camera starring Moriarty it must be a gigantic one.)

So now if you think I am done then think again and get ready for the unstructured part of my little essay. (Yes even more unstructured than everything before.) Here follows other short information about Moriarty and clues why he is still alive from the whole show in no special order:

(- I will start with one not very convincing one you might actually have already known since you are on tumblr. The lyrics of the song “Who you really are” which plays at the end of episode three of season four repeatedly states:         “Moriarty is alive”. While I believe it probably somehow is possible to change the lyrics for anyone I don't really get why anyone would wanna do this unless it is official or someone is just trolling. Or both.)

-Moriarty is soo changeable

-Moriarty is a good hacker

(-What is this strange “Surprise, you didn't think I'd just dissappear did you?”-clip that was played after season three I believe? If it is supposed to be just one of the clips Moriarty filmed for Eurus why is the background different? I think there are actually clips of him with three different backgrounds? Why? Too much to shoot in one day? If you have any thoughts on this please let me now.)

-Contrary to some others I don't believe Moriarty is just Eurus puppet. I don't see any need for that. Eurus is just Moriartys client like many others on the show. They both have the same goal. Eurus actually was so interested in him because she noticed his interest in Sherlock so it is not that everything from the beginning was Eurus‘ brilliant puppet show. If any then it was him who used her but I don't want to dive into this topic now.

-Moriarty‘s problem is that he is supposedly the best and everyone else around him is boring and can't get to him. He is lonely and depressed. But why would he still want to kill himself after meeting Eurus?                                                     Isn't she interesting enough? Or did he still think Sherlock would beat her too? But wouldn't there then again be a point in living to beat Sherlock or kill him like he promised in season one?

-In the special “The abominable bride” I think Sherlock isn't looking after the answer to the question how Moriarty killed himself rather than why he did it.   And the Moriarty in his head turns around showing him the hole in his head asking something like if it was very obvious and saying maybe he just needs a Good back comb. Back comb. Comeback. Sherlock concludes in this moment that Moriarty faked killing himself to have a good comeback. So he actually does know now that Moriarty isn't dead.

-Moriarty IS the main villain/antagonist of the show. Even after his supposed death in season 2 he still reappears or gets mentioned in most of the other episodes and even at the end with Eurus. Why would a writer do that if it was pointless? I don't think they would want degrade him if Andrew Scott‘s amazing performance even made them rewrite the script to have more Moriarty. Mister Gatiss and Mister Moffat are the real Moriarty fanboys here. They just build up tension very slowly while also getting the attention mostly off him for now. Moriarty is Sherlock‘s equal. His shadow. So he SHOULD be endgame. It is simply impossible to create a bigger villain now since he reappeared in all the seasons until now. Unless the writers plan to write at least 5 more seasons of course.

-In season four Eurus tells Sherlock Moriarty wasn't interested in living but in the impact he would have by dying. But does he really trusts her so much?              Is he really okay with gifting her his favourite toy? Or is he maybe just using her as he does with everybody else? Maybe she isn't lying but simply  doesn't know he is still alive.

-You might say: “But Sherlock clearly says that Moriarty is dead. Especially after the special.” Well yes he does. But (1.) he was on drugs. (2.) he really needs to believe (or rather not really Sherlock but the audience) that Moriarty is dead. Otherwise his (anticipated) comeback would be too predictable and boring. (3.) Sherlock isn't always right but I admit he is most of the time so most importantly (4.) he still keeps playing. The game isn't over yet and he needs to play safe. He keeps on playing dumb/clueless like he did in “The Reichenbachfall” where he even lied to John about Moriarty not touching or writing anything so Moriarty feels superior. We never get the IOU conclusion he worked on all the time. He kept everybody including us clueless just as he does now in season 4 to have the upper hand again or at least not to be in disadvantage.

-Then you also might say something like: “But this isn't like in the Canon.” Ah yes. The Canon. (1.) Remind me again where does it say this in the Canon? Before the secret, psycho genius sister held captive in a maximum security prison on a secluded island or after?...You get the point? (2.) Originally even Sherlock should be dead in the Canon (Which I actually think might happen in season five). (3.) It isn't even against the Canon since in the Canon Moriarty dies in “The final problem” and not in “The Reichenbach Falls”. Him dying in season two would actually be more against the Canon.

(-Since Mycroft was with Eurus alone before and isn't really on her side maybe he actually is controlled by her too without knowing so? Maybe he unknowingly even helped Moriarty? But this seems rather unrealistic. Just a thought.)

-Now something I don't really get: Eurus said apparently she was Moriarty‘s revenge on Sherlock. His revenge for what? Killing himself for no real reason? That seems not very smart. Beeing his distraction in the big boring world? Or maybe they have a history we don't know of? It seems quite possible. If Sherlock was able to delete Eurus from his mind why couldn't he have done the same thing with Moriarty?

-Why does Eurus mention Moriarty has a brother who was a station master? Why was he jealous of him? Why WAS he a station master? Is he dead now or does he just got a different job if he isn't one anymore? Why is there all this train imagery in Moriarty‘s clips? Why is that important at all? Is this foreshadowing, simple taunting or am I missing something completely? (The last thing at the end of season four we see is Sherlock and John running out of a train station but I don't know if that has really anything to do with that.)

-Fight me on this one but the ending is too perfect. I didn't buy it for one second. I mean character development and friends bla bla but you want to tell me Sherlock suddenly wouldn't be bored without Moriarty? Sure the normal cases will keep him occupied for some time but eventually sooner or later they will just bore him again, don't you agree? You can't “cure” a sociopath. And without the right stimulation he might become the “bad” guy himself or simply die of boredom.

-Moriarty WANTS Sherlock dead. Just in a slow fun way. On John‘s blog Moriarty even wonders how Sherlock‘s skull would look like on his wall. He is obsessed obviously.

-Don't get me wrong I am not sad or mad about the fact Moriarty is supposedly dead. But rather on HOW he died. His death should be something big something grandiose. I am talking a whole city exploding why fireworks spell out his name -grandious. (Well maybe not that extra but you get the point.) I refuse to believe he would be fine dying in such a simple way without the world even knowing his name. Come on. It‘s “I-dance-while-stealing-the-crown-jewels-Moriarty” not “Jim-from-IT”. If he is still alive I am sure he will die in the last season but in a more exciting way.

(-While trying to get out the information if he really has a sister out of Mycroft Sherlock let's one if them say: “Nothing is impossible.”)

-Let‘s talk about my favourite clue at the end now because I am tired. Do you remember a certain little conversation Sherlock and Moriarty had when evil queen Moriarty came to visit and dishonored Sherlock‘s apple? Let me remind you:

JIM: You know when he was on his death bed, Bach, he heard his son at the piano playing one of his pieces. The boy stopped before he got to the end ... SHERLOCK: ... and the dying man jumped out of his bed, ran straight to the piano and finished it. JIM: Couldn’t cope with an unfinished melody. SHERLOCK: Neither can you. That’s why you’ve come.

Does any bell ring with you?  Sherlock is playing Moriarty‘s game: The death of Sherlock. But he doesn't play it to the end. So Moriarty will return to finish it. After all as Sherlock says Moriarty can't cope with an unfinished melody so he wouldn't die before finishing it.

All that beeing said I still also wouldn't be surprised (just disappointed because I feel Moriarty is the only one who is a match for Sherlock and could do so much more entertaining things.) if he really was dead. Because after all this is only fiction. In fiction there are often many logical explanation for events but only the ones the writers decided on will be the truth. (Unless you guys are up to rioting. Anyone has their adresses? Just kidding of course for legal reasons. I think they do a really good job with the show and while I must say I hate liars I respect artists. Imagine they would just tell us everything that would happen from the beginning. That would be boring. Looking forward to season five. I am sure we will get it before 2050. :))

So thanks to coming to my TED-talk. If you have any other helpful information I have missed, questions, opinions on this, criticism or anything else feel free to write me. And please tell me if you have really read to the end. I am curious if anyone has. :)

(Sorry for grammar mistakes and such. It has been a while since I wrote this much in English.)

[avwrites4ever]

Fantasy Setting Idea - Classic Japan (Heian Period)

It’s a New Year! And what better way to start it off than gush about something I love! I hope you will enjoy it too, and get excited, because I’m bursting with ideas!

I’ve even gushed about this to people at my work, the poor things. That’s how excited I am.

I just love discovering new writing ideas and hoping someone will do something wonderful with them. It doesn’t have to be me. Just someone.

So.

The Heian Period.

Also known as the Golden Age of Japan.

I think it’d make a fascinating base for a fantasy setting. So would ancient Korea, if the movie Ramage taught me anything.

*NOTE: This isn’t a history lesson. I’m just examining broad strokes of certain elements of culture & setting which I think would lend themselves to a fascinating fantasy story.

(Although there is a History of Japan in 5 minutes video at the end.)

Fun Fact:

The Tale of Genji, written during this time period, is probably

the world’s 1st novel.

The 1st novel. Ever.

Written by a court lady in Heian Japan, no less. She is known as Murasaki Shikibu, but that’s a nickname (her real name is unknown.)

Chiefly, I’ll quote from Royall Tyler’s intro to his translation of The Tale of Genji.

And if I can find my copy of The Pillow Book, written by Sei Shonagon, I’ll include that too. (Please don’t confuse with the film of the same name, which is not the same AT ALL.)

Here’s a summary of The Pillow Book:

http://cup.columbia.edu/book/the-pillow-book-of-sei-shnagon/9780231073370

*Not sure if this is the best translation, I just like the summary.

*Note: Translations are tricky, & often if you don’t like a translated text, it might be because the translation is bad, and not actually the fault of the original work! Please keep that in mind while reading.

The Tale of Genji & The Pillow Book are both primary sources, by the way, meaning they were written by people who were actually living in the Heian Period!

(And both ladies were rivals of each other, which I find hilarious, considering I like both of their works.)

They’re not dry & boring either. Far from it. (I mean obviously, or I wouldn’t recommend them.)

I recommend The Pillow Book first. If you have a good translation, while reading, you’ll learn about how life was during the time, which will make reading The Tale of Genji easier since, being a novel, Genji assumes you live in the Heian Period and so know all about it (the inside jokes, the word play, the burns, everything.)

I also find Sei Shonagon a fascinating person. Very funny & clever. She journals like I do, only less randomly. She’s very interested in the world around her & all its funny, heartwarming, or baffling moments.

If not for the barriers of time & language which, funny enough, translation has more or less broken, I feel as we’d have some great conversations.

I love how real people in history are both very relatable & very different from us.

I mention these 2 because it was chiefly while reading the intro to Royall’s translation of Genji that I got the idea for this post. Though I was already fascinated by Heian Japan while reading The Pillow Book.

Though, if anyone is interested, I first became intrigued by Japan’s history while reading Rurouni Kenshin. Considering it’s a manga, consisting of pictures & text, you might start there.

(Though Rurouni Kenshin is set shortly after the Meji Restoration, which I believe is something like the start of Japan’s modern period, since samurai are in decline. But don’t quote me, I could be wrong.)

Anyway.

Also, Tumblr apparently doesn’t know what the Heian Period is, so few pictures here will be actually of the Heian Period, and doubtful if they’re accurate.

Actually, I’m using this as an excuse to put in pictures of Toshiro Mifune & old Japanese black & white films & pretty landscapes & cats & anime, because I can.

So! What about Heian Japan so intrigues my writerly brain?

Lots of things, naturally,

Certainly a fantasy world based around the Heian Period will be different from your typical western Medieval-esque fantasy settings which are so popular.

Yes, I’m brilliant, no one would ever have guessed that.

(Though speaking of Medieval-esque fantasy research has taught me those, such as Game of Thrones, to give a popular example, are actually closer to reflecting the Early Modern Period.)

See this link for better argument by someone more researched than me:

https://acoup.blog/2019/05/28/new-acquisitions-not-how-it-was-game-of-thrones-and-the-middle-ages-part-i/

https://acoup.blog/2020/12/04/collections-that-dothraki-horde-part-i-barbarian-couture/

I mean yes, I was surprised too that a person who claims to do their research apparently hasn’t, but here we are.

Speaking of which, take everything I say with a grain of salt, because I know nothing. Nothing!

By which I mean, I am not an expert about the Heian Period, or even Japanese history. For example, a lot of what I’m talking about will involve the perspective of court nobles & rich people, since those were both the characters in the primary sources & were what the authors were themselves.

I’d love to read a story where the main characters & people involved are peasants in the Heian Period. (And who stay peasants, & aren’t secretly royal or noble.)

I’m only suggesting this as a way to expand your mind beyond fantasy settings which have been done before.

I hope too that I’m not advocating cultural appropriation either (an easy trap to fall into.) If you think I am, let me know!

Now that’s all out of the way, here’s some specifics about what I love about the Heian Period:

It’s a Hidden & Secret World Insubstantial as a Dream, Structured by Social Manners & Rank

What struck me right away while reading The Pillow Book & The Tale of Genji is how closed their worlds are. Noble women especially lived in a world of curtains, panels, blinds, and  paper, silk, or bamboo screens, and walled gardens. People speak to each other not only through these divides, but also through messengers / servants.

What connects all these things are how fragile they are.

As Royall writes in his introduction to The Tale of Genji, even in courtship, (pg. xix):

“He cannot see her, and he may have no idea what she looks like. He will not normally see her even if she speaks to him in her own voice, since she will still be in another room, behind a blind and a curtain, and the curtain will remain even if she allows him into the room where she is.”

Seeing another person is very intimate. This makes it very easy to build up mystery and intrigue of a person before you actually meet them. Catching a glimpse of them or a snatch of their voice, or the hem of a sleeve from under a screen can be electrifying. Especially of a gentleman to a lady, or vice versa, because of all those blinds and screens and so forth. Royall mentions this in the introduction to his translation of The Tale of Genji. 

“If he then takes it upon himself to brush her curtain aside and go straight to her, he will by that gesture alone have claimed something close to the final intimacy.” (Introduction, pg. xix.)

What prevents him, of course, is a combination of good manners & reputation. Royall writes, “Good manners maintained a proper distance, which amounted to unholding the accepted social order.” Loss of reputation could mean loss of friends and entertainment and wealth, even exile. Having other people to talk to or play games or music with was essential.

Introducing ghosts, shape-shifters, and uncertain magic to such a setting is only to be expected. (There is a ghost in The Tale of Genji.) 

Also note that then & now personal names were seldom used, & especially not in public unless by someone intimate with you (such as a family member or old friend) or the person was extremely rude. Instead, people were referred to by their rank and title or last name, or even the place where they came from. Some were even referred to by a number, for example, First Princess (Onna Ichi no Miya.)

Notes or letters were vital within such a formal social structure. Even more vital than text messages are today. For in notes, especially poetry, someone could speak from the heart. So much that even the type of paper used was important. For example, most romantic notes were written on thin, colored paper, often kept in the front fold of a robe. They could also be scented and contain a branch from a tree or flowers.

And of course, clever word play and innuendos were all the rage. People were also expected to memorize poetry, and judged if their poetry or writing wasn’t up to standard.

Anyone who loves words would excel here. Think of all the possibilities! Secret lover’s notes, inside jokes between friends, sick burns between enemies or rivals. Plots to overthrow the Emperor could happen in plain sight. Throw some curses and magic to the mix and see what happens. Having some sort of mystery would also work well.

Hope you enjoyed this & makes you excited about creating a unique, rich, fascinating fantasy world.

Or really any part of Japan’s history, which roughly goes like this:

Obviously, if any of this intrigues you, & you want to use Classic Japan as a setting, you’ll need to do research. And I mean it. Or I will hunt down some rusty spoons.

I’m serious though. The reason why I’m writing this post is, hopefully, other people can also learn about Heian Japan, or more of Japan’s rich, beautiful, bloody history. Share the wonder with others, so the wonder won’t be lost or forgotten.

And in doing so, discover the wonder at being able to laugh at jokes made by someone who doesn’t even speak the same language as you, doesn’t even live in the same time or place . . .

It’s truly amazing. People are more alike than we know. And amazingly different. Reading manga & learning about Japan (and other countries) has been & is such a glorious experience. I understand myself & other people better.

It’s opened up the world.

[memory-mortis]

Hello! I saw your requests were open, I hope they still are! I was wondering if you could do a scenario with SDC Polnareff x fem!reader where they’re sharing a hotel room and the reader has a bad nightmare and Polnareff comforts them?? Thank you in advance!!

Hiiii ❤️ Thank you so much for the request! I had fun writing this one as well! I hope you like it :)

Polnareff comforts s/o after a bad dream

TW: light violence (just a dream though!)

WC: 1,054

TAGS: comfort, fluff and a bit of angst

“Good grief, what a day!” you exclaimed, tossing your bag next to the bed and stretching. Not that it was any different from the last 30 days or anything, Stand users were still coming after you all the time, although you did notice that they had been getting harder and harder to beat. It was a miracle that you were all still alive… but you didn’t want to jinx that.

“Please don’t use that phrase, you sound like Jotaro, ma cherí,” Polnareff teased as he wrapped his arms around you from behind. You giggled when he pressed a kiss to your neck.

“Hmm, maybe he’s rubbing off on me. Next thing you know, I’ll be wearing all black and a cap that’s blending into my hair,” you grinned and the Frenchman looked genuinely disturbed. “I’m just joking, Jean, don’t worry,” you reassured him, planting a kiss on his cheek, which made him blush.

“I’m sorry, the thought is just really scary,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose, but smiled at you once he heard you laugh again. You freed yourself from his grip and crouched next to your bag.

“Can I take a shower first tonight, please?” you asked as you dug through your belongings.

“Of course, mon coeur! You don’t even have to ask!” Polnareff replied as he sat back on the double-sized bed.

The shower was amazingly refreshing. It felt like a great weight had been lifted off your shoulders, and as soon as you flopped onto the bed and Polnareff closed the bathroom door behind him, you were out. The world of dreams, however, was not as pleasant. It had always fascinated you, the way dreams worked. They were a door to your unconscious, the part of your brain that you did not quite recognize. This time, it seemed, the fears that you tried so hard to push to the back of your mind came back to haunt you.

It began with a chase. You did not know who or what you were running from, all that mattered was that it could not catch you or it would be game over. Your heart was racing, your legs felt heavy and tears stained your cheeks, yet you carried on running through the dark forest. Every now and then you would trip over a tree root, but each time you managed to scramble back onto your feet. Finally, you managed to get to the end of the forest, only to end up on a ledge - and in front of you stood a big wooden cross. What truly made you turn pale in terror was what pinned to it. Polnareff. Dead. He was dead. He was- You took a few steps towards him, legs shaky.

“Jean,” you sobbed, “Jean, wake up, Jean! Jean!” You held his ankles and tried to shake him awake but he did not respond, resting motionless against the wood.

“This is your fault,” you heard a deep, dark voice from behind you. Upon turning around you saw a dark shadowy figure with a sword in their hands, and with a swift swing-

You let out a short scream as you shot up in your bed. Unable to take a deep breath, you let out a mixture of a choke and a sob. Your trembling hand reached over to the spot beside you to find Polnareff while the other rested over your mouth, tears spilling freely over it. Dim light filled the otherwise dark room.

“Y/N,” you heard a muffled voice, when a familiar face entered your vision, albeit very blurry. “Y/N, what’s wrong, what happened?”

“Jean,” you managed to say at last, throwing your arms around his neck and holding onto him like your life depended on it. Polnareff remained frozen for a moment before hugging you back, running his hand up and down your back.

“Take a deep breath, mon coeur,” he said calmly, and you attempted to do just that. It took you a few tries, but finally the shock had subsided and you weren’t sobbing uncontrollably anymore.

“I had a nightmare,” you whimpered as you pulled back, rubbing your eye. “You were… You died. And it was all my fault, somehow.”

Polnareff’s big warm hand cupped your cheek, thumb wiping away a single stray tear.

“It was just a dream, Y/N. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, mon coeur.” He gave you a smile and you returned it, though yours looked more sad.

“But… you know… This whole mission is dangerous, I can’t help but worry… What if I lose you?”

This time, Polnareff grabbed both of your cheeks and squished them, leaning in close to your face. “Non, non, non! Y/N, I love you, but you need to stop saying nonsense right now!” he said, letting go of you and pointing a thumb at himself. “This guy right here? Jean-Pierre Polnareff? Yeah, he’s immortal! I’m not going to die anytime soon, ma chéri. I’m not leaving you behind. We still have a lot of things to do! Travel around France, get to see the Mona Lisa, maybe even get a glimpse of the Eiffel Tower, then grow old together and get sick of each other like every married couple!”

You giggled, “Jean, it’s impossible to get sick of you.”

“Oh just watch, mon coeur, I will drown you in so much love you’re going to want to take that back,” he grinned, sending you a wink. All your worries were gone in an instant.

“Yeah, I think you’re just too stupid to die, sweetie,” you teased and he faked a shocked expression.

“A shot through the heart!” he exclaimed theatrically and grabbed onto his tank top. You giggled once more and tackled him into the bed, nuzzling into his chest.

“No, but seriously,” he said after the excitement died down, running a hand through your hair, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here by your side. Not even death can separate us.”

“Pinky promise?” you asked, glancing up at him.

“Pinky promise, ma cherí.”

And with a quick kiss on the lips, you drifted off to sleep once more, this time brave enough to face any creature your brain would throw at you. Who wouldn’t feel confident with this knight in silver armor by their side?

[siren1song]

In Which Jo Loves Content Creators

I’m in a mushy mood. This means it’s time to snipe people with my love for their work and affection for them as people. (People I don’t know that well/talk to regularly won’t be as personal as people as I’ve made good friends with! All to avoid making anyone uncomfortable <3)

I’m going to start with @sleepless-in-starbucks, because of course I’m starting with Lia. I know I’ve made a literal collaboration post with Max about how much I love them and their work, but Also how can I not mention once again how sweet and funny they are? I vowed that one day, I would rick roll them, they don’t believe I can, but I will, one day. Also they’re really good at comforting people??? And let me scream about some of my favorite fics/tropes to them. I also really enjoy talking to them about stuff I’m working. Listen. Lia is great, okay?

Speaking of @max-is-tired did you know they’re an incredibly sweet datemate who’s super considerate and easy to talk to and gosh I love them a whole lot? Not to mention their writing and ideas are phenomenal!!!! Max is so big brained!!!!! I will never stop expressing my love for them ever.

Oh, oh, oh!!!! @thechildoflightning is also really super sweet!! I became a huge fan of their writing through their daemon prinxiety au!! And my love of their work just kept expanding as I read the jksf verse they’ve worked so hard on! Their research is expansive!! And did you know they’re really cute when they info dump? I asked them to tell me about the bird facts the other day because I wanted to hear their info dumping and it was really cool information!!! I learned a lot about a really cool bird!!

(This is going to get long... time for a cut!)

Another segue! You know who else I’ve learned a lot from? @lilfellasblog who is so cool? And kind???? And smart? Sometimes, I’ll ask them questions in a joking way and then I’ll end up learning something and wow! That’s so cool! And they don’t mind simplifying things for me when I ask! And their fic, Healing Broken Wings? An actual masterpiece, though if you check it out I recommend reading tags thoroughly. And if you have questions about a tag, ask them! They’re so willing to elaborate to make sure you’re able to stay safe!!! They care more about your safety than your readership!!!!! And that’s so awesome! I love Lil so much! A great friend and an amazing writer!

A friend I don’t really talk to nearly as much as the others but who I still care about a whole lot is @illogicallyinclined. They say they can’t write, but bullet fics are a Valid Form of Writing, and also their art? Stunning? They’re the reason I started appreciating Logan a whole lot more than I used to, and their hockey au  is really good (and Jam Packed with Logan Angst if you’re into that.) They’re also hilarious to talk to. I have chatted about Virgil and Logan being huge ass meme’s with them on multiple occasions.

Someone I’ve only recently started talking to is @sign-from-god-complex who’s actually really cool? I was talking to him about my love for fandom content creators before I decided to make this post and of course I had to include him? I’m literally going to be bingeing his writing as soon as I finish this Love and Appreciation post because it’s amazing! I can’t believe I haven’t read more of his work before! A travesty, honestly!!! And oh my God his music is good? Literally the whole reason I joined his server and started talking to Lo in the first place was because he was really nice when I asked him how downloading music worked because I’ve only ever done that onto an MP3 (I know, I’m old) and even then I had to have help because I’m not adept with technology. A great singer and writer!

Now for people I’ve never talked to personally but really want to show my appreciation for... Goodness, there’s so many?

I’m gonna start this section with @princeanxious who’s writing, art, and ideas in general are amazing? Have you seen his coma au? Heart wrenching. His Lost Guardian au? Beautiful world building! His punk lo/pastel dee au? Adorable oh my goodness I can’t get enough!! I tried to talk to him once, but I kind of got scared I was bothering him, but he seems really nice!!!!

Did I mention soulmate au’s earlier? I did. You know who writes really cool and great soulmate aus? @not-so-innocent-bi-sander and MAN is their writing great! Have you read their vampire soulmate au? That was so cute??? I loved Logan’s internal conflict with changing Patton and Roman, gosh? And they have such interesting au ideas too? Like I have actually never heard the concept of Lockets before, and it was such a fascinating idea for a soulmate au? I mean, obviously they have other fics that aren’t soulmate aus, like their prinxiety fic Overcoming a Legacy? Stunning, I am pretty sure I stayed up really late reading that one.

Speaking of fics that made me stay up late (so many segue’s) @impatentpending ‘s fic Powerless had me up from 5:30 pm when I started reading it to 2:30 am when Max finally woke up and distracted me long enough to make me shower and go to bed cause I had work in the morning. Do I regret it? No. Powerless is a stunning fic with an amazing concept. I can’t tell you how excited I was to read a fic where Virgil willingly took on a villain role to protect his loved ones. And also I’m going to physically fight Missy, she can catch these hands. I can’t really give much else on the rest of her fics, because I tend to avoid anything that might not end happy (I’m five chapters away from finishing Powerless, and I’m only just now getting skeptical they might not get their happy ending so count me scared) but I have no doubt everything she’s written is just as good, if not better since this fic was finished in 2018? Wow.

Another fic that had me up super late was @lovelylogans gilmore girls au where you lead, i will follow. Don’t be fooled by the eleven chapters, that fic is over 100k words but God is it so worth it to read every single one. You don’t even need to be familiar with the show the au is based on, it’s amazing either way. The characters, the plot, the romance, all absolutely stunning. I will personally fight Patton’s mom. And the rest of her fics! Wow!!! Stunning, amazing, wonderful, beautiful, I’m running out of adjectives. I loved their princess bride bullet fic a whole lot, that was fun.

If you ever see me gushing about mermaid aus, please know that @voidsides au is Probably my favorite take on it. The prinxiety! The sassy virgil!!! The Logan being so done with Roman’s shit. Literally the one comic with Logan interaction I could practically see “Roman I swear to god if you don’t stop flirting with the fish I’m going to push you into the water” in his words. He didn’t say it, but man he was definitely thinking it.

Oh man, I can’t forget to mention the person who got me into g/t-slash-borrower sides @infinimay cause his content? Amazing, really. I found him when someone I follow reblogged one of his halloween fics and I fell in love and proceeded to binge the rest of their writing. Amazing, really. I really love the giant hermit virgil and hiker logan ones a lot. There’s more that I definitely love a whole lot as well, but I can’t currently match content with titles right now and if I go through I’ll get caught up and forget to come back to this post, but just know I love

Another giant/tiny writer I really love who I fell in love because of his amazingly written alien au- @delimeful WIBAR is currently one of my fic obsessions and I might reread it soon because it’s so good? I love the world building and how he’s written the characters so much. The rest of his work is Also Great? The fic where Virgil turns into a dragon when stressed? Amazing I can’t wait for it to continue.

@tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors You got me so in love with laoft I think about it often. Scary Virgil?? Changeling Logan???? Witch Roman???? Gifted Patton????? I want to cry I love them so much. And God, May! May Gage is a disaster of a woman but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love her. I just. I love this au so much and it’s gotten me to love fae lore so much like I used to. I want to reread this au now, crap. Wait I need to read Lo’s stuff first. Double crap.

Oh man. speaking of writer’s who keep bringing up fae and reminding me how much I love them, @lefaystrent I hope you know your parental shenanigans on my dash bring me life. I didn’t know carbonated milk existed until last night. Kind of wish I was still ignorant on that particular topic. Either way, your fae virgil fic? Amazing. I got so super excited every time I saw an update, and that epilogue? A beautiful ending, if you ask me.

@stillebesat I start screaming in excitement, reading your Interview fic. When I found it, I became so in love with the fic I had a really hard time reading anything else and I frequently checked your blog looking for an update. I am so in love with it, and honestly there’s lots of questions I have about it but if I ask all of them this post will be even LONGER and it’s so massive already.

@today-only-happens-once You’re writing is amazing. So many of your fics are so stunning?? I fell in love reading The Only Exception. Still need to go through your masterlist thoroughly, but man everything I’ve read from you so far is so well written and takes my entire heart.

This post wouldn’t be complete without @notalwaysthevillian who actually got me to start shipping Logince with her fic Shattering Stereotypes. And then there’s of course her tangled prinxiety au??? Which I actually really gotta finish but what I’ve read of it? Amazing. 

Oh crap. If void has my favorite artistic mermaid au, @teacupfulofstarshine has my favorite written au. LDAD is a stunning fic and I would die for it. And also her recent atla au fic? I was screaming over it. Also also her moxiety dad au series she did for halloween had my entire heart. Every installment of that series had me so incredibly soft I probably could have cried.

And finally, @randomslasher I really love your writing. Your fic, Starved was one of the first I read in the fandom and I adored every single word. I haven’t actually had the chance to really sit down and binge any of your work that I could find, but I plan on fixing that soon. It’s also?? Really nice to see an older fander! As someone in their twenties and constantly seeing how young everyone is, it’s comforting knowing I’m not the only one!

That’s everyone I wasn’t scared of bothering! Everyone who I wanted to shower in my love for their work (and affection for the people I talk to!) This isn’t really in any particular order, beyond me separating the people I talk to from the people I don’t. This post is massive, but I hope everyone enjoys my appreciation for their content!

[noncommited-writer]

Peter is an intern at SI, the Tower, and wins an employee raffle for a few hours with Tony (who doesn't know Peter is Spiderman)?

What the fuck. I actually went all out with this one. I have no idea how this suddenly became a 2.6k word fic!!???????? I'm concerned and confused. But hope you enjoy anyway!

Peter had no idea what dumb impulse he had to drive him to do this. But he guesses this is the price for letting his dumb ass hormonal brain take over his decisions. This being, taking part in an office raffle that he had no plans of winning or even think he’d get a chance to win. The prize is a few hours with their CEO, the Tony Stark a.k.a. Iron Man.

For some reason, the raffle extended to the interns too (which shouldn’t surprise Peter. Interns at this company are treated amazingly) so that means everyone who is twenty and naively hopeful, threw in their name into a box, on the off-chance they would get chosen out of the hundreds of employees in this building to meet the one man they all admire.

He had throw his own name in on impulse, driven by his daydreams of spending a day with his handsome boss. Yes, Peter admits he is harbouring a huge crush on the billionaire, but he reckons it’s no big deal because it seems everyone here does too.

That is, until the winner is announced across the PA systems all throughout the ten office floors in the tower. Peter felt like sinking into the ground when his name was called out, even more so when he meets the jealous gazes of the other interns. When they tell him to meet Tony Stark on the penthouse floor, Peter felt like he was on fire.

He does his best not to burrow into his sweatshirt when he walks across the silent office, everyone’s eyes piercing through him. Peter heaves a breath of relief when the elevator doors close behind him.

“Mr. Parker?”

Peter jumps, his hands waving in the air as he spins in the empty elevator.

“My name is Friday. I am Mr. Stark's artificial intelligence in charge of controlling this tower.” Peter immediately forgets about his sudden scare, now staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes and a barely contained smile.

“Woah, that is so cool! Did Mr. Stark make you?”

“Yes. He used a rudimentary A.I. base as the building blocks to my personality. From there, I basically grow into my own person.”

“Holy crap, that is amazing! I knew Mr. Stark is brilliant but I didn’t know that he was able to create an A.I. fully capable of expanding her own mind and growing like an actual human being! You are extraordinary. I bet Mr. Stark is proud of you.”

Silence greets Peter in the elevator, and he shifts anxiously on his feet. He wonders if he’s crossed a line with talking about Mr. Stark. Maybe he was being rude?

“Um, Ms. Friday? Are you okay? Did I talk too much?”

“Just Friday, Peter. I… I’m okay. No, Peter, you’re okay. I’m just… processing.” Peter frowns. Did he break Mr. Stark’s A.I.?

“No one but boss has ever spoken like that to me before.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m an actual person.” She pauses. “Thank you, Peter.” The teenager flushes immediately, taking notice of how she is now using his first name.

“Uh, no problem. I just thought about how crazy amazing it is that Mr. Stark created what is basically a human conscience. It’s what anyone would do.”

Friday snorts and Peter had to backtrack and stop his mouth from gaping because he’s pretty sure that’s a very human reaction. “You’d be surprised. Even though many people here are interested in technology, not many have the capacity to care for it like Boss does.”

“I get what you mean. Have you heard of the printer incident with that intern from about a week ago?”

——

Tony has seen many things. The bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the good. Many of which leaning over to the former. It is a cruel world after all.

So maybe it’s because he hasn’t seen many good things in his life that it stops him in his tracks when he sees the most good—pure—and gorgeous thing in his life. Even in a ratty grey sweatshirt, he still finds himself fixated on the pretty little thing babbling along excitedly like a puppy with Friday which—hold on, Tony hasn’t even gotten over his looks to unpack that yet.

It’s the years of putting on masks and faking confidence he has under his belt that he’s able to stand up from his lab table and walk over with an air of suavity, somehow surprising himself he’s not tripping over his feet from those doe eyes that look so much better up close.

The way the kid stands up straighter and turns pink at how he gets caught with rambling to Friday is probably the most endearing thing Tony has ever seen.

“I take it you’re the lucky winner of the raffle,” Tony starts, reaching out his hand for a firm shake. The kid’s hand is warm and almost shaking with nerves as he takes it, “Yup! But I didn’t really expect to win. I kind of… joined on impulse.”

Tony only grins at that. He doesn’t step away from the kid, just looking him from head to toe after sliding his hands into his pockets.

If it’s even possible, the kid seems to turn even more pink, blinking owlishly at Tony. “Peter Parker, right?”

Peter nods slowly, and suddenly Tony’s head is filled with all sorts of ideas on how spend those hours with this bright-eyed intern. He doesn’t have much time after all, so Tony’s got to make every second count.

He gestures to the lab table, “Welcome to my man-cave. Or you can call it my safe haven.”

Peter trails after Tony further into the penthouse lab, his wide eyes taking everything in. Just when Tony is about to introduce his new baby (Mark L, a sexy little thing Tony has spent the last few days in his workshop trying to reconfigure) to Peter only to get cut off by, “Is this nanotech?”

Tony nods, waving a hand over the holographic screen and steps closer to Peter. “Yup. This baby is almost done, almost perfect down to the T. But there’s this one issue I can’t seem to get rid of. Every time I keep trying to activate it, it just does the opposite.”

Peter scans the thin lines of coding. “Are they activated through mental manipulation?”

Tony hums, watching as Peter’s brows furrow. The intern reaches up with his fingers to zoom in on a small part of the coding. Peter snaps his fingers, eyes going wide. “That’s because you’re scanning the cerebrum. I’m guessing you did the same for your other suits?”

The genius can only nod, more curious of where this is going. “You have to scan the cerebellum. Because it’s nanotech, the technology acts more intimately with your brain, almost like it’s a part of you, so you have the scan the part of the brain that controls movements like it’s another limb.”

Tony pauses, watching this pretty thing—smart too!—explain to him his mistake and somehow, it turns Tony on in all the best ways. He’s close enough to smell the faint scent of strawberries in Peter’s hair. Not creepy at all, Stark.

“Let’s see if your theory is correct, Parker. I bet lunch if this doesn’t work.”

The gorgeous intern only smirks, “I guess you’ll owe me a burger, Mr. Stark.”

——

Tucked in a small booth in the corner of a burger joint, the two men go off in tangents talking about their love of technology, their half eaten burgers forgotten in favour for each other’s attention.

The moment Peter starts rambling about how fascinating it is that Stark Industries has started using their renewable energy in other areas like cleaning water, Tony can only stare in amazement as this ball of energy showers him in praise and awe. The way those words spill out of his mouth giving Tony all the wrong ideas on how to spend the rest of the four hours they have together.

Just when Peter is about to digress to other ways Stark Industries can help the environment, the younger man goes rod stiff, eyes going hazy. Tony watches with worried eyes as the man stands up abruptly, almost tipping the entire table over. “Mr. Stark, I gotta—I gotta go, someone’s calling me.”

He turns on his heels and races out the door without hearing Tony’s muttering of, “Your phone’s not even buzzing.”

Tony tips generously and rushes out of the restaurant, following Peter’s footsteps. The moment he’s out on the asphalt, though, he feels the ground shiver. He turns to the different of a loud rumbly sound that echoes through the streets of Manhattan. He sees a large brute in a metal suit at the end of the street, a sharp pointy weapon at the top of his head, reminiscent of a horn, smashing through rows of cars and vehicles, shoving them to the buildings as if they weigh nothing.

Rhino.

Tony curses when he realises the one time he leaves his suit at home is the time he needs it the most. He taps his glasses. “Friday. ETA for the Mark L.”

“Seven minutes, Boss. By the time the suit is here—”

“Rhino would’ve done enough damage to the city already. Shit.” Tony stands up on his tip toes to look through the throngs of screaming civilians, trying to spot a head of curly brown hair. “Goddamnit, Parker. Where did you go?”

Tony knows he’s no match to the large beast, but he can’t stand idly to the side, especially when Peter is out there and possibly in danger. He pushes through the crowds, helping up the people who are getting trampled in the stampede and telling Friday to keep him updated on the suit.

Rhino is smacking cars left and right, endangering the people still inside and the people in the buildings the cars are landing on. Tony grits his teeth. He may not be able to fight him—hell, he’ll probably even die from doing this—but he has to try and buy time for the people to escape.

For once, he’s grateful for his lack of self-preservation skills when he walks into the middle of the road. “Hey, Horn guy! You mind getting off the street? You’re making the traffic worse!”

The large man drops the car he’s holding, his stormy eyes now trained on Tony who gulps. On second thought…

“Yeah, maybe you don’t know, but destroying cars is pretty expensive. Ever heard of car insurance? They’ll hate you.”

The loud deep chuckle he gives is enough to make the hair on Tony’s neck stand up, “Ha. Stark. Too dumb to hold get your suit?”

“I’d say I don’t think you’re even worth my suit. And… Is that a Russian accent I’m hearing? How’s the weather over there? I hear it’s too cold for a Rhino to reside in. Is that why you’re terrorising my city right now?”

Rhino spits on the ground, teeth grinding. “You talk too much. Like little annoy spider.”

Tony’s brows furrow as he mutters ‘spider’? Only for his thought process to be cut short when Rhino starts sprinting full speed in his direction. There’s barely enough time to roll out of the way, avoiding getting trampled to death by his large heavy feet.

“Okay,” Tony grounds out. He steps back into the middle of the street again. “I think you need to go see an eye doctor. I’ve never seen anyone miss that badly.”

The scream of anger is loud and suddenly, Rhino is facing him again, his arms out and wide. Tony knows he won’t have enough time to run away and with that realisation, he stands frozen to the ground, eyes getting wider and wider as he sees the giant run towards him.

Just when he’s about to run under his large arm, he sees a flash of red and feels a hard weight bulldoze into him. Suddenly, he’s in the air and a built arm is wrapped around his waist. “Phew. That was a close one. Don’t worry, sir, I’ve got you.”

He cranes his head to meet the blank stare of white lenses. “Spiderling?”

“Mr. Stark? Ah, that explains the whole screaming in the street like you want to die.” Tony huffs a relieved laugh.

“Didn’t know you swing around these parts.”

He feels the subtle nudge of his shoulder when the hero shrugs, “I swing around wherever there’s trouble.”

“Are you going bankrupt or did you just forget your suit at home?” The man asks.

“Left it. It’s coming soon.” They swing over a rooftop, and Tony is surprised by the almost gentle way Spider-Man sets him on the ground. “While I go stop Rhino, I suggest you wait for suit so you don’t run into the streets like you’re asking for it, Mr. Stark.”

I guess you’ll owe me a burger, Mr. Stark.

Tony’s brows raise. It’s the same exact way Peter pronounces his name. With that slight excited intonation and high pitchedness to it; he can imagine the way his lips pucker when he says ‘Stark’. He doesn’t know what goes over him when he sees the man about to leave. He grips onto his wrist, pulling Spider-Man back close into his personal space. Leaning in, he mumbles, “Thanks. I appreciate it, Spider.”

His Adam’s apple bobs up and down under his skin tight suit, and Tony is overwhelmed with the urge to peel away the spandex to plant his lips on that pale skin. “N-No problem, Mr. Stark.”

Tony’s smile is wide and almost wolfish, letting go of the man and stepping back. He already knows what he needs to know. He smelled those strawberries even through his mask.

Peter Parker.

It doesn’t take too long for his suit to arrive. He quickly flies over to the destruction, webs splattered all over the area. He can see Peter swinging from building to building, avoiding the thrown car parts at him, sometimes even catching them himself and throwing it back at the ruthless brute. Tony flies over next to him, shooting a blast to Rhino’s face, distracting him enough.

“I wonder where you get the time to do this and the internship.”

The hiss of surprise from Peter makes Tony smirk under the faceplate. “Was I that obvious?”

“Only when you kept saying Mr. Stark. Also, your strawberry shampoo was a dead giveaway.”

Peter looks at him over his shoulder, his cheeks rising under his mask. “My shampoo?”

Tony backtracks, “Uh, not that I sniffed you out or anything—it’s a pretty strong smell.”

Peter was about to respond, only to be cut off when a piece of rubble is thrown his way. Peter yells, “Talk later.”

They make quick work of Rhino, with Tony blasting him until his on his back and Peter webbing his large body up. They work seamlessly, as if years of practise made them fight like this. Tony isn’t sure what to feel about that.

When the cops arrive, both Tony and Peter get up on a rooftop building, conversation hidden and private. Peter is still trying to catch his breath, slumping against the ledge.

“So. My shampoo gave me away, huh?”

Tony resists the urge to look bashful. “It was a very distinct smell.”

Peter just laughs, throwing his head back. Tony doesn’t let the embarrassment get to him, however and quickly gives out a comment he knows will throw Peter off.

“Since we only have about two hours left together.”

“Yeah?”

“Can you show me how much of that flexibility is real and not just from the adrenaline?”

Peter stares hard at him through the mask, his eye lenses going wide. Tony swallows hard and shifts his weight on his other leg. The air is heavy and electrified, their hearts beating loudly and fast, almost in sync with each other. Tony retracts his helmet, his heady dark eyes roaming down Peter's defined body with a greedy glint, jaw ticking as his mind whirls of filthy thoughts that surprise even him. Peter doesn’t back down, however and somehow, Tony knows that whatever Peter says next will change his life.

“Only if you show me that your hands are as capable as they were during the fight.”

Tony isn’t the type to let people down with his abilities, and neither is Peter.

[verifiefangirl]

Last Breath

AN: Sorry I couldn’t add the keep reading cut off on mobile it’s a bit long.

Azriel had gotten permission to take the middle Archeron sister on a mission with him. It was low threat work and Montevere was made for her. It had rolling hills, exotic flowers and surrounded by water and forest, it was truly breathtaking. It was their fourth day here and they were doing some light treading in the forest. He had to make a more detailed map for his spies of the path leading to the waterfall. 

He was in his Illyrian leathers with just light weapons. He could see Elain glancing over at him every so often from the corner of her eye before biting her lip and looking away. It shot his nerve for some reason, making him self conscious. They strolled in companionable silence. Occasionally he’d lend his hand to help her climb over fallen stumps and rocky boulders. Those brief touches heated him to the core. He couldn’t deny that their time spent together here created an even closer bond between the two. He almost forgot she was mated to another and he was supposed to be in love with the same female he had been for the last 500 year. Though as the day passed his affections for Mor became more of an afterthought. God he was incorrigible. A bastard really. 

He heard Elain let out a sharp gasp and he came to attention and he saw a majestic bird fly overhead. It had every colour of the rainbow on its feathers. 

“It’s stunning.” Her voice laced with awe. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” The smile that tug on his own lips was instantaneous, though it had nothing to do with the bird but the female at his side. 

“They are known as Laetus avem. They are one of the few species that mate for life and said to be unable to survive without their partner. A lot of them die from sadness from such a loss” He gazes up at the sky too and analyse them with interest.

Elain’s hands covered her mouth with emotion and continues to stare at them with wonder 

 “The coloured ones are actually males whereas the females tend to have a deep blue colouring. Sorry I’m rambling.” He apologised a faint blush covering his cheeks as Elain surveyed him from head to toe, a strange look crossing her face, his shadows weaves closer to him from the sight. 

“This whole trip has just made me realise how amazingly smart you are and how brilliant your mind is.” She said, flashing him one of her heart stopping smile. The colour on his cheeks deepened even further. He ducked his head in embarrassment, not used to such a compliment. Shrugging his shoulder he tucks his hands in his pocket. 

“It’s just a bunch of random stuff bouncing around in there.” He said sheepishly. 

“I could spend hours picking your brain apart.” She said playfully. “The things you know is so fascinating.” He didn’t know what to do with himself from all the compliments. 

“Thank you.” He said curtly. “You’d be one of the few people.” He said rather sardonically. 

“You’re wrong.” She said stubbornly. That’s another thing that surprised him about Elain, her resolution. His attention wavers to a doe in the distance. His hand curls around Elain’s bicep, bringing her to a halt as he quietly motions towards the small animal, grazing. Her eyes grow even larger. They are enraptured by as it brambles around before releasing a distressed sound, it stumbles back to the safety of its mother. 

*** 

Its only a short journey before they reach the waterfall. The force of the water crashing below fills their ears. The scent of minerals and earth laces the air. Sunlight streams through the canopy of the trees and butterflies flutter in the breeze. It’s an oasis, like something straight out of a dream. For once Elain seems at a loss for words. She walks around the ice blue water, taking it all in. His wings rustle behind him, unwittingly, her beauty in contrast to the little slice of paradise surrounding them. His thoughts flicker for a second and he briefly wonders if he is actually dreaming. 

“Shall we go in for a dip?” She has the most downright sinful look plastered on her face right. She was already unlacing her shoes and dipping her toes in, her gown hiked up slightly, exposing her ankles and calves, that alone had his heart racing he couldn’t bear anymore skin showing. Satisfaction covers her features at the cooling sensation. 

“You go ahead. I have work to do first.” She pouts at him slightly before huffing and starting the process of unlacing her dress. His eyes widened slightly as she starts pulling it down, he turns on his heels so fast that he almost stumbled. He busies his hands with his satchel and starts absentmindedly marking things down, finding it very hard to concentrate as he hears splashing and sounds of ecstasy escaping Elain’s lips. It takes all his years of training in self control to not turn around and just go to her with reckless abandon. 

He manages but barely as he continues his work for a good half an hour. Elain’s lilting voice breaks him out of his revere. 

“Az, c’mon. It’s not as fun without you here.” The muscles in his back tense and he peers over his shoulder at her. Bad idea, Azriel. He swears expletives in his head, taking the glistening sight of her. The water is up to her shoulders and her hair hangs in damp tendrils, the shade a touch darker.  The restraint he’s notorious for is torn to shreds and lays in tatters at his feet as he starts unlacing his own boots. 

A sound of delight escapes her mouth and she splashes around some more. He works at tunic next and Elain suddenly falls silent, which shots his frazzled nerves more. The expanse of his tanned chest exposed, he watches Elain do that thing she was doing earlier where should would glance at him and bite her lip. It made him have downright dirty thoughts, things he had no such business in even entertaining. 

He removes his leathers next, he expects Elain to turn away with a blush on her cheeks but she continues watching with a dark glint in her eye. He’s never been the self conscious type but right now he’d will his shadows to reveal all the secrets and thoughts that were running through her mind. Only in his undershorts he glides into the water, stopping inches from Elain. Her caramel eyes reveal nothing yet everything at the same time. He realises she’s only in a white shift which is transparent now. He does his best not to stare, the blood roaring in his ears is deafening. 

“Hi.” She utters, small smile on her face, peeking at him through her lashes. 

“Hi.” He replies, the answer rumbling deep from within his chest, making his voice sound husky. Amusement glimmers in his hazel depths. They swim around each other for a while, just revelling in the sounds of nature around them. At one point Elain’s damp hair brushed against his chest and he thought his heart might actually jump out of his chest. It didn’t escape her notice though.

“You’re so restless today, Az.” She had a mischievous smile on her lips. He merely arched a brow in response to her, praying she didn’t put it together that she was the reason he was so tense. Her finger traced the delicate edge of his wing and he sucked in a deep breath. 

“These especially. They won’t stop rustling.” Her voice laced with ponderment. He felt her body shift closer, till he could practically feel the heat of her chest against his back. Those clever fingers not relentling on their deliciously, tortuous journey.

“So beautiful.” She said absentmindedly. He felt her fingers trace the scars from the night he saved her. His was practically heaving now, fist clenched at his side, the muscle in his jaw twitching. She was heading towards dangerous territory, he was fighting to keep his desire at bay. They traced the upper part of his wing and there was no mistaking the anguished moan that escaped through his lips. 

He flipped around so fast, she didn’t have didn’t have time to react as he grabbed the wrist that was inflicting such excruciating pleasure to him. His eyes were dark and damn near unreadable but there was no hiding the effect she had on him, as his briefs strained to contain him, the wet fabric clinging tightly to every inch. 

“Enough.” He whispered in a guttural tone. Her eyes widened at the sight of him, his own features were laced with devastation. They stood at a standoff for what felt like hours before she took a hesitant step toward him, like he was some wounded animal that would easily scare off. Her eyes never left his, the colour like molten honey as they pierced through his soul, until each crevice of his black soul was mixed with her golden.

“Elain.” He warned, surveying her warily but that seemed to motivate her more. She rested her hand above his heart while the other one cupped his cheek, her thumb gently caressing his jaw. His eyes fluttered shut for a brief second and that was all it took as something whizzed through the air. The arrow pierced through his wing and the roar he released scared off all life surrounding them. 

“Azriel!” Elain screamed, fear coating her voice.

The second one just missed him by inches. He pulled Elain roughly to him, shielding her as he tried to reach the shore where his weapon and their clothes lay. He felt a second arrow enter his side, he let out a grunt. The were laced with Ash and he could feel it entering his system, slowing his movement. There was no chance he could winnow them out of here now. 

He had grabbed Elain’s stuff first and tossed them to her. He had barely managed to slip on his pants when he saw the figures approach them from all sides of the forest. He swore and swiped his Truthteller off the ground. Fuck, so stupid. He was so stupid. He should have never let his guard down and had his weapon on him all the time. 

“Run.” He bellowed to her, lacing his fingers through hers as he tugged them towards the only opening. They covered good ground but he was progressively slowing them down, the blood from his wounds started turning black.

“Go, I’ll catch up. I need to take care of him first.” The shooter notching arrows was perched on a tree top. 

“Az please.” Elain whimpered. He cupped her face as they come to a stop.

“Trust me.” He whispered to her as their foreheads touched for a split second. Her whole body was laced with pain and fear as she gave him that deep stare again before her eyes shuttered and she nodded, letting out a deep breath. 

Though it was excruciating to flap his wings, he did so, swerving the arrows soaring towards him. He looked like an avenging angel sent to deliver death. The soldier's eyes widened as he got within range of him and flung the truthteller straight through his head, right between the brows. His body fell with a thud. Azriel banked  on the ground, shaking the forest floor. Icy rage laced his feature but also cold blankness. The promise of death covered his features as he approached the dead body and yanked his blade back out swiftly.

As the rest approached him...those who were smart knew to look at him with fear. His shadows were ferocious, blinding his victims and he finished the job, swiftly and brutally, slicing them with his notorious blade. Hand to hand, he knocked down an army of soldiers. He lost track of how many fell. Everything was starting to blur and he knew that he couldn’t go on like this for much longer. 

Azriel was taken off guard as Elain’s chocolate eyes peered out from behind a tree from afar. She was dangerous to him because with that split second of hesitation, someone had him in a chokehold from behind and a knife was dragging through the centre of his chest. He snarled as he was forced on his knees. A hand twisted his, forcing his grip of the truthteller to loosen and it fell to the ground with a clang, along with any hope of him getting out of this alive. A cry of pain got caught in his throat as his fingers were stomped on and then further broken in several places to ensure he wouldn’t be able to do any more damage with his blade. That was only the calm before the storm. Multiple people approached his hunched form. A blow was landed on his head, making his already cloudy head, spin in several directions. He felt something trickle down from his temple and realised it was blood. Even though his head was pounding and was starting to feel like it was filled with cotton, the only thought that kept running through his mind was hope that Elain had escaped from all of this. 

He scanned the forest again, spying out where he’d seen her last but was relieved to find there was nothing there anymore. Maybe his Ash induced self was delirious and imagined her face there. He shot his captors a bloodied smile. Azriel had felt pain and torture in his life, this was nothing compared to what his half brothers cooked up for him. They were real sick fucks. 

“Well what are you waiting for?” He choked out, spitting blood out while doing so at the mens feet. “I’m not afraid of death.”

Someone grabbed him by the root of his hair and tipped his head back to meet a pair of brown eyes covered by a mask. The person tutted. 

“What’s the rush, Shadowsinger.” His own smile was so twisted that something in his stomach lurched.

He made a motion to what was left of his men and with that the two of them grabbed his arms, holding them secure while a third plunged a dagger down his wings shredding it from top to bottom. His hold body seized and strained. He felt like he was on fire. His wings were connected to so many nerves that everything was thumping with agony. He thought he was going to throw up. The scream that escaped his mouth didn’t even sound like him. 

“Illyrians ... so sensitive.” The man said with a pleased look on his face. Azriel’s breathing was stunted and ragged.

“Is that all you got?” He choked out. Anger passed over his features before he reared his fist back and with a sickening crunch it met his cheek. From there it was amped up several notches. He didn’t even know what to focus on. The wound on his side and chest was long forgotten about as the integrity of his wings was obliterated. He could barely hold himself up, let alone his head up.

He felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness as more pain was being inflicted upon him. The last bits of his will was slipping away, like sand through his fingers. He found himself embrace his demise and the death awaiting him as more blood trickled out of his mouth, coating his black blade. It was the sound of her sweet, lilting voice that had him fighting to keep his eyes open. 

“Don’t you touch my Shadowsinger.” She said it in such a calm voice that it was eerie. He tried to say her name, to get her to go, leave him but all that left his mouth was a bunch of gurgling noises. Her figure was blurry to him but there was no mistaking that scent. He heard the chorus of laughter ring out from the men. 

“Is that supposed to scare me?” He scoffed, even the sound of him addressing Elain had his nerve grating and he wanted to rip his off. She merely walked up to where they had him grasped and picked up his fallen blade. The red droplets against the blackness was oddly striking. The man laughed some more.

“Do you even know how to wield that?” A sinister smile crossed the once innocent flower growers face.

“Why don’t we find out?” As quick as a deer, she was in front of him. It was because of the man’s underestimation of the doe eyed women that she plunged the blade into his chest, where his heart lay as seasoned as an Illyrian warrior would. She twisted the blade over and over. She made sure to look in his eyes as she did so.

“Oh...did I forget to mention? I’m the bitch that took down Hybern.” An innocent look was plastered on her features. Then she proceeded to stab his body in numerous places even after it was obvious he was dead. The remaining men all flinched around him, dropping his body after seeing their fellow leader fallen. They couldn’t scramble away from him fast enough. When she was satisfied with the damage she carried out upon the asshole she turned her attention to her Shadowsinger who was barely conscious.

She ran up to his sprawled body, a sob getting choked in her chest. He felt her smooth back his hair, trying to staunch some of his wounds but there was too many. It would be of no use. He would be of no use. 

“Go.” He uttered out so weakly he wasn’t sure she even heard him but she had.

“Never.” She said fiercely as tears started falling from her eyes. 

“You’re….you’re...wo-worse...th-than...Cassian.” He choked out, trying to lift his mouth in a smile but unable to do so. He heard her a soft laugh in between her tears. 

“Sssh...don’t speak. Save that energy.” 

“E-Elain...I-I...lo-.” 

“I know, ssh, I know Az.” She tried to lift him in a sitting position and with some grunting and upper body strength she managed to do so. 

“I’m going to winnow us out of here.” He wanted to protest but everything around him was starting to fade rapidly. She had never winnowed anywhere let alone trying to get them both to Velaris together but she did exactly that. The last thing he remembers before blacking out completely was Rhys’ voice roaring his name and Cassian hands carrying him through the mansion. All he kept thinking was man... the Madja seriously needed a pay raise.

@julesherondalex​ @jemma-nessian-and-elriel  @maastrash @empress-ofbloodshed @wolffrising @azrielismycinnamonrollprimary @sezkins79 @poisonous00 @humanexile @sleeping-and-books @highladyofidris @theshadowsinger-and-thefawn

[feuilly-cakes]

The Maze Runner (series) - review

Buckle up, this is going to be a long one. My thoughts on the series as a whole is that it’s an alright one, and you’ll soon see why the praise isn’t higher there. I’ll go book by book with my thoughts on each, so you can know exactly the way my feelings progressed to this point.

Book 1: The Maze Runner - 5*

I gave this book a 5 star rating, but honestly it's been nearly 2 months since then and I'm still not sure on that rating. Ideally, 5 stars for me means I got so attached to the characters I cried or had some other emotion, but that didn't happen here. Instead, I got a fantastic plot with a ton of mystery and a lot of terror, all with amazing writing but uninteresting characters. I won't say they are flat characters, because they aren't, but I didn't really feel a connection with them. There is only so much you can relate to a character who has no history.

Thomas is obviously the main character and so we see everything from his perspective, and we do see his emotions, his personality, his struggle. He spends a good portion of the book confused, angry, sad, frustrated. He's not a flat, boring character by any means, but for some reason I just didn't feel that connection I usually do with main characters. Maybe it's a side effect of the third person limited narration, or maybe he just isn't a character I can relate to, but I wasn't really interested emotionally in his character. I didn't need to be really, because the plot more than made up for it.

When it comes to the plot, I found no faults. It was fast paced and had me asking questions the whole way through, and most of them even got answered. Most of the questions pertained to how the Maze worked; How was it so high up that the box rose for half an hour? What was really around The Cliff and how were they seeing stars below them? How did the walls move? Was it actually indoors or not and how would that even work anyway? I love when I’m constantly asking questions and coming up with theories while reading, and this book was one huge question mark. Just the memories plot alone had me on the edge of my seat, and I wanted to know more.

If you only read books for the characters and their personal arcs, this might be a bit weak on that for you. If you love a good mystery mixed in with a bit of horror and sci-fi elements, plus a dash of dystopia (which I’m sure will become a big dollop in the next book) then this is absolutely the best thing to read. It’s definitely a 5 star quality, just in my personal opinion not a 5 star emotion.

Book 2: The Scorch Trials - 3*

Honestly, this was not anywhere near as enjoyable as the first book. Technically speaking it was a well written book, but personally I didn’t find it great, simply okay - average. Enjoyable to an extent but irritating to a certain degree. I kept reading because I expected something to be answered but all I got was confused. After watching all the films and powering through the first book I genuinely expected so much more from this and I was let down.

It’s darker and more gory than the first book, with some shocking scenes that kept me going. I did appreciate all the dream flashbacks from Thomas that helped put together what exactly he had to do with the Maze. Outside of these dreams I just didn’t know what was going on half the time and I felt frustrated by it all. His backstory was legit the only reason I was interested at all. I didn’t really care where they were going or their journey, l just wanted to know about his missing memories.

I understand this one was to set up the world a bit more and go into character development, but this was the most mediocre of middle book syndrome books. I can honestly say here I preferred the film.

Book 3: The Death Cure - 4*

Oh boy with this one. I have a very immediate reaction with lots of spoilers here on my goodreads if anyone wants to see that, but I'll summarise with the good spoilery bits cut out.

Well, my brain hurts.

This book honestly started out kinda meh, with some interesting tidbits thrown in. Then it got less meh, but more disturbing. Whether all of it was really that bad or whether it was bad because of the real world parallels right now I do not know, but I got a little bit messed up by everything that happened in Denver. The worldbuilding became more relevant here, we learn more about the Flare, the way people are living alongside it and/or with it, and the way Cranks are really treated. We get to find out about The Purge too, which I'll leave as a lovely surprise for those of you who haven't yet read, but what happened and my loud opinions are through that goodreads link if you want entertainment.

And on that note, let's talk Teresa. Full disclosure, I went into this trilogy already loving the films, and I still stand by that love. The treatment of Teresa in those films, however, was abysmal, and to read her actual character arc, well, I was enraged. Her arc in these books is fantastic, and the way she grows and realises the consequences of her actions is actually realistic, especially after all the trauma of the trials. We barely even see her and yet we see most of her character arc in this book. Simply getting her memories back wouldn't make her forget all the horror and go back to Wicked, and the way it was all handled was super satisfying. It does all make me wonder if perhaps she knew about the Brain thing, though. I won't know until I read that prequel story so until then I'll just have to speculate [currently reading that, still don't know]. On a similar note the Chancellor Page storyline was bizarrely different, and I had a shock when we get to interact (?) with her in the capacity we did.

Chapter 56 can choke. I knew it was coming okay, yet it still made me feel like I was punched in the chest. Especially after the previous scenes where we see things happen with a certain character in a scary way.

I can't talk about the Brain thing. It's disturbing to think about and I will be repressing the memory of that whole section of the book as soon as I can. It also kicks off a series of horrifying imagery and tragic events that hurt my emotions. All I can really say is that it's a strong ending to a trilogy, and if you're here you probably got past the travesty that was The Scorch Trials so this book will be a breeze compared to that, just be wary of the medical horror and the horror in general, since it's pretty graphic.

You may notice I haven't discussed Thomas, and that is because I'm too messed up by the Brain thing. The medical horror plus his reaction to the knowledge of what was about to happen knocked me flat emotionally and I may never get past that in terms of these books. No one has ever mentioned the Brain thing in any fan space I've been in, and that's for a good reason. Just know Thomas grew on me slowly just in time to cause me great distress. That is all.

Book 4: The Kill Order - 4*

I kind of loved this book, but as a friend. It basically shows the story of the Flare virus' bad beginnings in the world, with flashbacks to the solar flares that caused all the initial devastation. It was one hell of a page turner. It read like it was just meant to be a film, if you know what I mean. It does stand alone if you don’t read the prologue.

I honestly wasn’t expecting to get quite so many tidbits of information about the actual Flares event itself; to be honest I was expecting this to be a typical zombie kind of story that starts after the beginning and ends before the end, but it actually starts at ground zero on day 1 of the Flare (outside of the control group that is). I thought it was horrifying and fascinating to see how quickly it mutates and the effects changes, and also how the characters react knowing that they’ve probably been exposed to it from the beginning. Seeing the inside of the mind of one the earliest Cranks as they become infected was amazingly interesting after seeing how Newt acted in the Death Cure when he got sick.

The flashbacks to the Solar Flares and its aftermath were just terrifying. The imagery was horrifying and the whole concept of sun flares and then massive floods of boiling hot water put me right on edge even though obviously they were alive at the start of the book. Something that massively surprised me as I read was that the Flare virus had only been around for 13 years before the start of The Maze Runner, and it only took the government 1 year after the solar flares to decide to kill off part of the population. No other dystopian I’ve read can top that level of evilness from governmental systems.

Aside from the horror aspect, I was also mightily confused and a bit amused-but-also-horrified at the cult. If you’ve read it you know. If you haven’t yet then you’ve got a storm coming let me tell you. Although we see in Death Cure that Cranks form mobs with a common purpose and of course they they lose their minds, I wasn’t at all expecting to see an actual cult just casually thrown in. It just adds to the madness of the story and actually fit right in among the other craziness of what went down.

My one question is: is DeeDee Teresa? (She was! It was implied in the next book.)

The reason I didn't rate this higher despite my enjoyment was that it just isn't a book I would reread. It's like an action film or horror film that you really enjoyed and appreciated but won't stick around for too long.

Book 5: The Fever Code: 3* on Goodreads, 2.5* in my heart

This one was a slog to get through. It goes over Thomas' life in Wicked, from the first few days to the day he goes into the maze. I didn't like it very much at all. My biggest problem was the torture of a 4 year old only a few pages in. It ruined the rest of the book for me. My second biggest problem is that we never learn Newt’s name. The betrayal of it all is astounding.

I’ve got to be honest, I was only pushing myself to read this because I wanted to know about the purge. It doesn’t happen until pretty late in the book and nearly everything before that is terribly boring. Everything after that happens pretty quickly.

I appreciated that we get added context to some things that happened in the main trilogy, however, some things that happen take away from the story in a bad way. Dr Paige is one example of this, where in the main trilogy she only appears in a positive context to save Thomas and the other immune, while in this she does some truly evil things behind the scenes unrelated to the context of the trials (or so she tells Thomas. We don’t know how much of that was truth and how much was intended as a Variable but either way it contradicts what we know of her in the Death Cure). The huge reveal at the ending regarding Teresa is also out of nowhere and seems contradictory to the main books. How much of her actions were planned and how much were real? Why would she lead the gladers to escape if she was as this book said she was? Was it a change of mind or was this particular aspect a retcon that wasn’t intended with the original books?

This one felt like an unnecessary addition to the series and I’m disappointed by how it turned out. I expected more and got less. If it hadn’t picked up in the last 150 pages this would’ve been a 2* simply for the disappointment that equalled that of The Scorch Trials. This may be a bit harsh but I do believe the books should have ended after The Kill Order, and the rest be left to the imagination.

To end on a semi-positive note: it turns out The Brain Thing was actually mentioned to them, but it's unclear if Teresa picked up on it, as we know Thomas didn't. It all came out at a very inopportune time while they were killing a crank who knew about it. The Brain Thing isn't positive at all, but I was very excited to learn if they had any inkling and that was sort of answered!

[aparecium-hq]

Welcome to Aparecium, Maia! You have been accepted for Rose Weasley. Competition for a character is always difficult, but we appreciated the detail and nuance you included. As we briefly discussed when you submitted the app, we’ll need a more traditionally formatted bio for her character page, but welcome aboard. Check out the new member checklist, and jump right in. 

Character Basics

Birthday (Age): December 22nd (21) Gender (Pronouns): Female (she her) Sexuality: Heterosexual Blood Status: Halfblood. Hogwarts House/School: Ravenclaw Occupation: Cursebreaker trainee Faceclaim: Erin Kellyman

Any requested changes? I picked a different face only because the ones listed weren’t calling out to me as much and I recently fell in love with both these girls!

Biography:

* WHAT ARE YOU LIKE ?

INTELLIGENT

“God. Does everyone have to point it out? Yes, I’m smart. Yes, just like my mum. Good Lord. I know already. I got the best marks in my year. I scored O’s on most of my OWLs and the one I didn’t get an O on was an E. Please, can we not mention it anymore. Mum gifted me with her incredible power of mind. Etc… Etc… It’s not that I mind having the brain power really, it’s that everyone expects me to be just like my mum, and no matter how much I love her, I’ll never actually be her. That aside, a battle of wits with me is probably a bad idea. Not many people can best me. That might sound full of myself, but I assure you, it’s completely true.”

SWEET

“Dad says it’s what he gets for naming me after a silly flower. That because of it I turned out as sweet as it’s scent. I guess someone in the family had to do it. Mum can be a little abrasive, dad a bit, well, air-headed. Hugo’s just his owe breed. I guess I just had to be the normal one? I’m the type that’ll get all dewy eyed over a lost kitten and probably end up taking it home with me. It used to really drive Mum batty. I just like to have kindness and compassion. I can’t stand to see people or animals hurting. I just want to give the world a big hug from time to time. A smile is the best thing you can give a person, in my opinion.”

FREE SPIRITED

“I like my flights of fancy, and that’s that. I don’t feel much of a need to follow society’s main stream. People can be ridiculously like lemmings at times and that just doesn’t fit me. I like to think for myself, discover my own path. It’s probably the thing that set me the most apart from the people I grew up around, especially in the last few years. I never had that driving need to fit in. If I wanted to compete, I competed. If I wanted to be a lazy bum, I lazed. It’s kind of just the way I am. I might go along with my friends or my family in their ventures but it doesn’t mean I won’t go my own way when I fell it’s might be a better option.”

ROMANTIC

“Stupid books. They gave me illusions of grandeur, I swear. I love them so very much, which is a different story but it lead me to this silly idea called romance. I read too many love stories when I was younger and now, no matter how improbable it really is I have this stupid hope in the back of my head that I’ll find some adoring White Knight that wants to sweep me off my feet. Not going to happen, I know. Ruined a good thing hoping for it, I know. You don’t have to tell me. But I just can’t help that little voice inside that wants it to be possible. My cousins and my brother all loved to take the mickey out of me about it. It gets bloody annoying sometimes. I guess I brought it on myself though. It doesn’t help when dashing, good looking young men like Scorpius Malfoy factor into the picture either. I suppose it was an inevitable failure on my part.”

SOCIABLE/FRIENDLY

“Surprisingly enough, though my dad did his best to make me a competitive twit, ha ha, I’ve turned out to be pretty darn friendly. I like to surround myself with different sorts of people. That’s probably how I got to know people like Scorpius, who dad was all set to make my arch enemy. In school I had friends from every house. We’d throw big parties in the old Shack and I’d be the life of the party. I’m not really sure where this particular skill came from. Maybe my dear Uncle George, who is amazingly cool, and my departed Uncle Fred, who I wish I could have met. The stories about them were still fresh legends of Hogwarts when I started school. Everyone liked them, so maybe that’s where it comes from.”

EMOTIONAL

“Yet another reminder of my similarities to my mum. I can get all worked up over the strangest things. I can go from scarily angry to completely teary eyed in the blink of an eye. I can hold a grudge with an outright vengeance… for about a week. (Dad says Mum used to do that to him as well.) It’s just the way I naturally express myself. I’ve sort of got my hear out on my sleeve. I wear my feelings pretty openly and I’ll let you know how you’ve made me feel.”

BOOKWORM

“I think I mentioned it earlier but I have the damnedest fascination with books. I just read like there won’t ever be another book published. It goes hand in hand with my overactive imagination. I can read a book and picture the whole thing in my head, just like a movie. I can make myself the star if I want to. It’s probably what got me into the whole ‘hopeless romantic’ mess with you-know-who. I just get so carried away with the stories that leap off the page that I can be consumed for hours and be totally happy with that.”

* SO HOW DID YOU GET TO BE HERE ?

“I come from the best parents you could ask for. Sure, my mum can be a little taxing at times, she’s Hermione after all, and my dad can be a bit of a goof. But the things you hear about in the stories are true. They’re good, loyal, amazing people who just happen to have fallen in love in the aftermath of a world on the brink of war and had two very silly children. It sounds like a fairytale doesn’t it? You ever wonder what comes after the happily ever after? Me and Hugo, that’s what.

My parents named me Rose because mom had a thing for the smell of them when she was pregnant with me. She thought it was clever I guess. They gave me my Aunt Ginny’s name for a middle name and I love it. She’s a tops lady and I’m glad to share the name with her. I can’t say my name was super creative but I don’t complain about it either. I think it’s classy and timeless which are both very positive traits.

They had me first, thank God, because as much as I love my little brother I am glad he’s my little brother. We are close, as brothers and sister are wont to be. But I am pretty close with all my family. Anyways, we grew up with means enough to have all of what we needed and a lot of what we wanted. The benefit of having famous parents I suppose. Mum and Dad indulged us quite a bit, but they never let us get spoiled to the point of being brats. We spent tons of time with the family. I have too many cousins to count and I love them all, but especially Roxanne. I think it’s because we were both so much our own people that we bonded. I was and am also very close to Albus, who was always my best friend when Roxanne was too busy being independent to play. Albus and I would play together for hours, making up stories and pretending to me our heroic parents. We look back on it now and laugh. We wonder if we’ll be in the history books someday, considering the direction the wizarding world is carrying on it now. This change to magical technology is fascinating but a bit terrfying and I often find myself wondering when it’ll blow up in our faces, figuratively or literally.

Al and I started school the same year. I think he was relieved to go together. I had no fear at all. I came prepared of course, being my mother’s child. I remember looking around the platform and marveling at the number of people that could be going off to just one school. Dad pointed out the Malfoys and Scorpius, who I was to beat at every test, or so dad admonished. Mum told him not to pit us against one another so soon. Diplomatic? Mum? Apparently so. We got on the train like everyone else and started out new life. I spent the train ride reminding Al of all the good things we’d experience at school. We were part of a legacy after all and I was very proud to carry that banner. It worked out alright, for the most part. The three of us were best of friends until I decided to date Scorpius and it all went a bit… well it’s not great.

I did well all thought school. I got Mum’s brains after all. I really did beat Scorpius in tests sometimes, just like dad wanted, but I also made a friend out of him. He’s actually very charming, thought I suppose I’m not supposed to think about im that way anymore. I’m living my own life now, bad decision and all. He certainly isnt’ not the only friend I’ve ever made, you know. I had a good sized group of close knit friends from all the houses back in school. We’d sneak out and throw little parties in the Shrieking Shack sometimes. It was the best of times. Then we grew up and moved away and soem of us stay in touch. Some of them are even in the trainee program with me, so that’s beeen nice though we’re nearly done there, as well. Hopefully we’ll all stay friendly. I need my own friends now, since both my closest mates probably hate me by now.

* WHAT WOULD WE FIND IN YOUR TRUNKRIGHT NOW ?

Honestly? Probably a mess. Whatever I didn’t need got left in it all jumbled up. Most of my clothes and such are in the wardrobe where they belong and my school things are in my night stand. the trunk is probably holding a multitude of things that are unimportant. Classic muggle cds, a few daydream charms from Uncle George’s shop, that Skiving Snackbox that Roxy gave me last year. Who really knows. It’s probably a downright motley collection. I think there’s that pretty amulet that Lorcan and Lysander gave me this Christmas past. I doubt you’d find anything interesting. All the juicy secrets are hidden away elsewhere…

* WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE THINGS ?

Hmm. There are so many. I love the smell of rain, especially when it’s been a warm day out and it’s the first rain, pumpkin pie becasue it always takes me back to the Burrow, pine trees, and warm leather, especially the particular scent of Scorp’s leather jacket I bought him for his birthday. It’s wonderful. But you are never to repeat that to anyone! I swear I’ve got an arsenal of hexes just waiting for you if you try it!

I also like to play Quidditch with my cousins, but I don’t play for the house team or anything, it’s not really my style. I also like to just have a fly on my broom. There’s something thrilling and intoxicating about the feel of being suspended high up there with the wind rushing past you. It’s incredible.

A good practical joke is always a favorite of mine. It probably comes from growing up with Roxy and Fred as older people to look up to though. They are just like their da. I love them. Truthfully I feel that way about all of my family. We’re close knit and they’re all amazing people. That also applies to the extended family like 'Uncle’ Neville, 'Auntie’ Luna, and their families as well. Luna is actually one of my favorite people in the world. I love to go visit Lys and Lor on hols and talk to her about things. She’s got the most unique points of view in the whole world and doesn’t expect me to have all the answers. Actually, one of the things I have always loved most in this world is other people. Albus, who’s as close to me as a brother and my most trusted friends. Scorpius, who is more than just a mate, even if it all went terribly and I can’t look at him without my stomach tying itself into knots becasue I’m either anxious or missing him and I don’t really know which… My Aunts and Uncles and cousins. Even my ridiculous little bother Hugo. They all made the world a brighter place just by existing for most of my life. It’s just hard to carry the burden of everyone’s expectations…

I also love silly little things like swimming in the summer, and flirting a bit or going shopping in Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. Looking at the stars is one of life’s little pleasures, as are new, fashionable, clothes and shoes. Music is also among my favorite things. There are so many things that I enjoy I could tell you about them all day, but I think this is probably enough of my talking your ear off.

Character Questionnaire

Answer at least three of the following questions about your character. This could be in character or a third period explanation.

What does your character value in a friendship? At this point in life she values people who look at her as an individual. Not a cog in a greater machine. She’s been a Weasley, Hermione’s daughter, part of a trio… etc for all of her life and she’s been trying (in the wrong ways maybe) to buck that co-dependence. SO she wants friends who accept her as she is, who thin of her as her own person, and who don’t put pressure on her to be a part of a legacy.

How would your character describe their own work ethic? Is that an accurate measure of themself? She is a hard worker, to the point of making herself crazy at times, and she absolutely will not admit that. She’ll tell you shes capable and will do her job well, thoroughly, and on time, but she will not tell you that if you put her in a crunch she might work herself to anxiety attacks to get ti don’t on time.

How would a stranger who has just met your character describe them? Right now, probably a bit cold. A bit too sharp. If they’re perceptive perhaps they’ll say those things are an attempt to hid something else, probably hurt and fear. Not rude, exactly, but not soft.

What magical skill or talent is your character most proud of? Her curse breaking. She decided young she wanted to follow after her Uncle Bill in profession and worked very hard to earn the marks to do so. She’s been top of her trainee pool from the start and is on track to head a team when she completes training. This is, to her mind, her great achievement. It’s something she did for herself, telling her Uncle not to give her any recommendation or benefit. That’s worth gold as far as she’s concerned, because unlike going itno the family business or the ministry, she’s not relying on the name of her parents, just her own skill and work ethic.

Para Sample

Rose hadn’t had occasion to throw much of a party since her birthday the previous winter. While the annual ball for St. Mungos had been fun it was a much more prim sort of fun, full of champagne and fine dresses. Rose wanted to spice things up a bit, less mystery and more playfulness.

Back in her Hogwarts days she’d had a party in the shack every Halloween night from her fourth year on. It had been, in her not at all humble opinion, the social event of the year. Costumes required, some years masks as well, and always full of fun and whatever strange concoctions she could come up with. The Alice In Wonderland theme in her seventh year had been her triumph, filled with glowing giant mushrooms for seating and drinks that did all sorts of strange things to you. It was a bonus of having cousins who spent all summer in a joke shop.

So it shouldn’t have been of any real surprise to her cousins when they received invitations to a costumed Halloween after party with instructions to show up at the Burrow after the ball, with their dates if they wished, and enjoy a night out. Rose had already decorated the back yard, making use of the pavilion that had once been the venue of Bill and Fleur’s wedding. It was decorated now in low light, full of candles and spiderwebs and all the spooky trimmings of a Halloween party. Grandma molly had helped with the food and drink, a boon especially since rose wasn’t much good in the kitchen. Now all she had to do was put on the music and wait for the family to show up.

And they’d better be in costume or she’d have their heads.

[usernames-aren-t-myforte]

You (2018)

Alright, so I’m gonna try my best to articulate my feelings about this show, and more specifically, it’s main character Joe Goldberg. 

So first off, this show... is definitely an intense ride. Technically it’s not perfect (really, what is), but I feel like it’s quality is higher than most things we’ve been given in the last several years. Underneath all the action and drama, there’s a real sincerity and deep character study here.  And in all honesty, that is what I live for, and crave most in my shows/movies. So the fact that I have tons of thoughts about it from the get-go, and that it can spark real discussion among its viewers, makes me happy beyond belief. 

There are a lot of interesting and clever things about this story. One of which that stood out to me first was that, this is a stalker story from a man’s POV, written by a woman. Now of course, a good writer can make any believable character, so I’m not saying this is out of complete and utter shock or anything.  I just think it adds more to how impressively real and genuine this story feels. I’m not an expert on what goes on in a male mind, but reading the book, and watching the show, Caroline Kepnes made capturing a man’s thought process seem effortless, and I am a little blown away by that. I think it’s fantastic. So right away, as a woman, I’m intrigued with getting such a close peek into what’s going on in the brain of someone of the opposite sex. Who doesn’t want that when they get the chance?  

Which leads me to the next point I appreciate: it almost feels like we, the audience/reader are being invasive too. I don’t know about you guys, but I became very aware (especially while reading the book) that we weren’t invited into this guy’s head by him. We’re just there. Snooping into his life and his stalker ways. It feels a little like this scene in the show:

(Which is my absolute FAVORITE omg 😂😂😂😂😂)

So in some ways, it feels like you’re mirroring Joe a little bit. You’re watching/reading this guy’s every move, and making your own judgements and conclusions on them. Plus, the intense curiosity I got while reading the book/watching the show, made me ravenous for more. I devoured this book/show, and would have continued to, no matter how long this story went on. So all at once it seems to make me feel more relatable to Joe, while also feeling a little hypocritical as I judge his thoughts and actions from afar. I think deep down we’re all, to some degree, a little inappropriately nosy and curious. Especially when we have the opportunity to be. So right away going in, on this very vague basis, I can honestly say I relate to Joe a little bit.  That said, here is where I’m going to try and explain my feelings about Joe. Hopefully I’ll be able to convey my thoughts clearly, because when it comes to the more serious stuff like this, I believe it’s important for there to be no misunderstandings. 

Okay. So Joe Goldberg. This slippery little weasel right here. 

Yes, I will start by saying that he is hot, he is attractive, and there is an appealing quality to him. I don’t think it’s wrong to admit that. However, there are some glaring flaws that cannot and should not be ignored. I will get to that in a second. But first, I want to touch on some of the surface things that drew me in about this guy, and makes me uncomfortably aware of the fact that if I didn’t know his dirt, I’d totally be into him. 

#1

He’s smart. He’s well read. The man loves books. I love books. Watching him rebind a damaged hardcover would be a satisfying date for me, I’m not going to lie. 

#2, he’s funny. 

#3, on the surface (and I can’t stress that statement enough ON THE SURFACE) he makes for a pretty dang decent boyfriend. 

#4, when he’s correct about what’s right,

#5, again, he’s pretty relatable sometimes

#6, he seems pretty good at *ahem*

You know. Which is always nice. 

But that’s the surface stuff. Now it’s time for the nitty gritty. The really important part. 

There is a strong Ted Bundy flavor here. He doesn’t seem menacing. He just seems like your every-day, relatable, charming, attractive guy. You wouldn’t feel threatened by him at all if you met him. Even someone as smart as Beck fell for it. 

He was very good at putting his best foot forward.  Hence the surface stuff. Hence the attraction we may feel despite ourselves. However, I do sympathize with him to some degree. And here’s why.  Unlike Ted Bundy, I don’t get the impression that Joe has a bloodlust. Ted Bundy would go and meet women, charm them, woo them, lure them in with the express intention of killing them. That was his endgame. He craved the feeling he got when he tortured, raped, and killed women.  

^ Now Joe IS a killer. There is no sidestepping that. But the reason he feels he can claim he’s not is because, unlike Mr. Bundy, Joe’s motivation with selecting his next girl isn’t murder. It’s finding “love”, in his mind. So I do sympathize with him to some degree, because I can’t label him as a monster, or 100% evil. His surface stuff wasn’t a complete sham. It was merely the best version of himself. His good side. The side of himself he let others see. That’s another way we’re vaguely relatable. We all try to hide the less-than-savory side of ourselves.  The only difference is: Joe’s “bad side” is incredibly dangerous. 

So while his motivation was different, his threat level is still very much up there.

I also got the impression that all the stuff he said about his thoughts on love and wanting to “make it work”- he really believed what he was saying. He genuinely felt that way, regardless of how skewed his perception of the situation was. So while his actions were undeniably wrong, I could feel for the guy, and at least relate to the view he tries to get across. That said, the main problem with Joe is that his reactions are extreme. Especially in the book, the man can be very bipolar. When he perceives things are going well, he’s on top of the world. And when he thinks things are going sour, he’s completely in the pits and hates everything. The man is unstable. No matter how much we can understand his desires or his thought process, the truth of the matter is- he does not function properly. It is important to see him for what he is. But at the same time, I feel it’s okay to feel bad about that. He’s clearly messed up, but it’s okay to still see him as human. Like someone else said in the tag, humanizing =/= excusing. As long as you’re not ride or die with all of his murdering and stalking, it’s okay to sympathize for him. It’s okay to relate.  It’s okay to understand his perspective.  But it’s equally important to grasp the reality of the character. He is a danger to the public. He is not fit to roam free. 

In all fairness, I think they did make him a tad more sympathetic in the show. Because like I said earlier, in the book he was more bipolar, while in the show, he was more consistent in his intense optimism about his relationship with Beck. To watch this unstable guy want something so much, something most of us want, is the most relatable thing there is. 

It’s a thing we generally want most people to enjoy. That’s where the main conflict inside me comes from. Love is a pure thing. And lasting romantic bliss is something most of us wish to attain. So to watch this guy who’s clearly unfit for it, but still genuinely wants it SO badly, makes my heart go out to him a little. Emotionally he is this wounded bird, while in every other way he most definitely is NOT. 

Beck said it best when she pointed out that, no matter his intention, it was not his place to fix her life.  It was HER life, HER choices.  We might objectively see how a certain change could improve someone’s life, but their life is ultimately their own, and we have no right to take charge away from how they choose to lead it. We can only try and find someone who makes decisions we can generally agree with and stand by. This is something Joe couldn’t understand. He sees a girl he likes, he puts her on a pedestal, and he immediately gets to work trying to “help” her, to “save” her. His perception is off on how a relationship works, and what being a “good boyfriend” means.  And again, what messes with your head a little bit, is that he’s not 100% off.  On the surface, he’s a great boyfriend. But his bad side makes him feel like it’s his duty to “protect” his girlfriend in ways that aren’t acceptable or okay.  And he doesn’t realize that his “bad side” is wrong, and proportionally way off from a normal person’s.  

The ideal solution would be for him to go to a mental hospital and get help. But realistically, he’d probably be able to talk his way out of there. So unfortunately, the only place for him is prison.  He is a dangerous man. There is no overlooking it. 

I think in a nutshell, my main feeling toward this character is a big ‘If only’.  If only he were stable, if only his mental health could be improved, if only he had proper boundaries, if only he didn’t kill people. But we have to face the music. No matter how badly we feel for him, and wish for better- the reality is, he’s a dangerous criminal. There’s nothing romantic about that. Plenty to sympathize with, but nothing to excuse. He is ultimately the villain, though he sees himself as, and tries hard to be, the hero. We can’t separate the bad from the good inside him, no matter how much we might want to. Joe Goldberg is an amazing character. He’s intriguing, he’s interesting, he’s fascinating, he’s entertaining. But at the end of the day, you don’t want to date him. Amazingly written, sympathetic character does not always equal good boyfriend material. Ship him with his mental health instead. 

All in all, a solid 9 out of 10.