#(i used to work at my university and part of my job was basically committing the policy and procedure library to memory)

[amal-fmailygaza]

**Urgent humanitarian appeal**

Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #71 )

Emergency: Evacuation assistance My family is from Gaza war Dear humanity, We are Amal Fadi from the Gaza Strip, a modern couple

I - Amal - is a computer engineer. I graduated from Al-Azhar University in July 2023. I used to work in a private technology company in the Gaza Strip, and with external companies as a freelancer at Ux-Ui, but with the start of the war, I lost my job since the planes bombed the company’s location. I also lost My job as a freelancer at Ux-Ui Because there is no internet connection here in Gaza, I was always striving to complete my master's but with these circumstances I cannot do anything after all the universities were destroyed by the Israeli occupation

I am Fadi. I graduated from the Faculty of Management from Quddus Open University in 2021. I used to work in a private company in the Watan Tower, but I lost my job since the start of the war due to the destruction of the tower. I also lost my future home with my fiancé, Amal, unfortunately.

We met together, we want to build fascinating family with each other, we want to be officially Engaged on 10.7.2023, but 7.10.2023 everything changed forever, since it all started that night, but we made it together and got engaged while war! Love always wins!! We are sharing our love story with you because we wanna start our life over outside Gaza, so we need your support, please help us evacuate Gaza and build our life together, we deserve life!! We can do this with your generous help and donation !!

I've witnessed the evidence of the tragedy that has struck our lives in Gaza, where my family and I have survived amidst numerous previous wars. But today, we face the most dangerous and fierce battle in the current war. The urgent need intensifies for us, as we have nothing left and are unable to secure our basic needs such as food, water, and safe shelter.

Here is our story - On October 7th, our lives changed forever, my family and I evacuated from northern Gaza to southern Gaza, hoping to return soon, but it wasn't meant to be. Our home was surrounded, burned, and then completely destroyed, Our home, once a fortress of hope, now lay in ruins, a stark reminder of our shattered dreams.

The night before we left from the north to the south was terrifying. Shelling sounds were everywhere, making a loud noise that felt like it went through our souls. Every explosions shook the ground like earthquakes, sending shockwaves of fear through our trembling bodies. filling us with fear.

The air smelled of destruction and blood, making it hard to breathe. When dawn came, we saw the devastation around us, realizing our home was now a symbol of loss and despair.

Our house was precious to us. It meant a lot to me. It was completely gone, along with all the neighbors' houses in Tal al-Hawa

The goal of this fundraising campaign is to rescue me and fadi through the Rafah Crossing to Egypt, which currently requires $5000 per person. This campaign is our only chance to stay alive, and I humbly request your assistance at this critical time. I will provide you with a comprehensive breakdown of the expenses, committing to transparency and clarity.

Your donation is not just a donation; it's an opportunity to rebuild life and brighten a better tomorrow. Be part of our hopeful story, for we need your hand to start anew.

How can you help by donating, spreading the campaign, reblogging, and sharing with friends 🙏🙏🍉🍉🇵🇸🇵🇸🔻🔻

With love, Amal and Fadi.

Vetted by

@gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #71 )

@el-shab-hussein @self-hating-zionist @thenewgothictwice @raelyn-dreams @unfortunatelyuncreative@butterfly-pumpkin @licencetokrill @jezebelgoldstone @ramelcandy @petracourtjester @labutansa@sammywo @autistwizard @tortiefrancis @sparklinpixiedust @feluka @revcuse @golvio @leftismsideblog @star-and-space-ace @rainbowywitch @marscoded @oursapphirestars @dalekofchaos @annoyingloudmicrowavecultist @boyvandals @the-bastard-king @13ag21k @agentfascinateur @ammonitetheseaserpent

[feinstone]

Congratulations on graduating! That must be an amazing feeling.

thank youuuu <3

technically i won't be graduating until the end of the year because i finished past the cut off date for my uni's mid-year graduation ceremonies, but i'm happy to have finished regardless.

it's been a really difficult and long process, and i had to delay finishing my degree by 2 years due to a long string of Life Events (Not Fun) that got in the way of me completing the last 2 courses i had left in my degree as of mid-2022, so i'm glad i finally managed to get to the end of a semester without some random bullshit stopping me for the first time in several years lmao.

i dropped out of high school after i got sick, and i thought i was gonna have to drop out of uni too, despite all the work i've put in to pull my life together. it really means a lot to me that i managed to make it through to the end this time, even though it was tough to keep my head above water sometimes.

[desultory-suggestions]

hi there, thank you so much for running this blog! i have been following you for a long time and appreciate what you do so much, and i’ve been struggling with something and was looking for an ear or some advice so i thought i would come here.

this summer has been pretty hard on me mentally for a few reasons. being back home with family, as I live across the country for university and even studied abroad this semester, it’s always an adjustment living with people I love but sometimes struggle dealing with. i’m also back to an environment where I have no strict schedule, less friends, no privacy, no personal space, etc., and i got pretty sick for a portion of the summer.

this is my last summer before i graduate and i put many expectations on myself for how it would go (fun/personal life wise, but also academics/career wise). despite this sense of urgency and also these expectations, this past month of june i basically just rotted away in my bed, feeling depressed and anxious and not really doing anything about it. i did go out and about a few times and even got myself hired for two jobs, but there were so many responsibilities i ignored while rotting away and just feeling miserable for myself. now im finally clawing my way out of this hole i dug for myself, and im realizing how much i screwed myself over—all of the things i need to do would have been so much easier and enjoyable (!!!!!) had i not procrastinated. it feels like my memory for june is mainly just a haze when it could have been so great.

my question is—how do i cope with these feelings of self-disappointment, and almost self-disgust for the time i lost? for the moments i could have been better but didn’t? how do i cope with the knowledge that my summer could have looked totally different now, and that the power was in my hands to change it? the rest of my summer is looking pretty busy as i scramble to pick up the missing pieces, and im sad because i wanted it to feel special since it’s my last summer of university. any time i acknowledge the challenges i faced and the victories i did have just feels like making excuses for myself.

anyways, sorry for this ramble, and thank you for your time! i hope you are doing well and enjoying yourself.

Hello, dearest. First of all I want to tell you that I am so proud of you. I know right now you’re struggling with these heavy feelings, and it’s important to know that despite your inner struggles you are seen and loved and respected by those around you.

It sounds like you have worked very hard and been very busy for a long time. I know as a full time college student myself that the amount of work expected of us is often unbearable. People talk about it like a simple process, a part time commitment. It is not! You have been working a constant minimum of a full time job, plus additional work for pay, plus travel, plus family and friends needs, plus basic self care. Of course all of this can be so overwhelming and lead to a sense of burn out. Changing the language you use is giving reasons is not making excuses. Cultivate a mindset of correcting yourself:

“I’m making excuses -> I’m acknowledging the challenges and moving forward.”

I found quickly into college my high achiever mindset flipped into a constant sense of failure. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, and like I just fell behind everyone else I respect. I wallowed in this for far too long, so trust me when I tell you not to spend all your time worrying about the past. Everyone has had a time like these, sometimes weeks, months, and sometimes years. But it is never too late to change the present and future.

You may not feel like it, but if summer meant laying in bed and barely doing anything maybe that’s what you needed. If your body and mind were too beaten down to do much, that’s not your fault. Remember that you are just one person, and this was one summer. You will have countless more summers to live out your dreams. Summer 2022 I barely left my room, depression, anxious, I pretty much rotted in bed! I was burnt out and struggling. Summer 2023 I worked my ass off at my new job, made friends, and started going to parties and even a music festival. Summer 2024 is now, and I’m in a solid mix of work, school, friends, and working to take care of myself. Life will not always look how we imagine it too, but often it will turn out much better.

Nothing that has already happened can be changed, all you have power over is the current and the future. Tons of people express the same sentiment to me

“I didn’t do X and now all I do is Y and it makes me feel Z so I don’t do X!”

And I totally understand! But this is the trap right here! This is what resembles the grave but isn’t! The more time you spend contemplating what you should have done the more past you create where you didn’t do what you wanted. It is so important to develop the ability to go “oh well, what do I want Now?” This takes practice. When you catch yourself in the internal doomscroll of all that you should have done, literally say “oh well, that’s the past. What do I want to do right now and how can I do it?”

Actions you can take:

- Make a list of goals you have tiered by right away, short term, medium term, and long term. Make sure to include a tier for goals that feel impossible! You’d be surprised what you can do!

- Start by picking one thing you want to change. Go on a walk every day, listen to an audiobook or music on that walk. Bam! Two enriching activities at once. Cook one new recipe a week or every other week.

- When at home from school, work to establish your independence in the home. This is hard! Family dynamics vary, but if you can, try to communicate with your family about personal space and boundaries. Perhaps rearrange your space at home to fit your needs as a more adult space while still maintaining your nostalgic environment.

- Cultivate a positive mindset and excitement for what comes next. This summer is not just an end, it’s a beginning! What do you want next? You can have it if you believe in yourself.

A final piece of advice. I started college with such high hopes and dream of what it would be. The summers with friends, late night studying in the library, goofing off between classes, getting to be this dream idealized self. For various reasons, this didn’t happen. I felt so angry that my experience with college had been tainted and forcefully taken from me, and I stayed angry for a while. This constant obsession with regret starts to eat you alive until you can’t see how good things are right in this moment. This did not get better because I somehow changed the past, it got better because I accepted that this was an idealized dream of one tiny part of my life. It got better when I started aiming towards the future. It’s ok to feel sad that you didn’t get what you wanted, but that doesn’t mean you never will. I am happier for moving on and saying I’d had enough grieving a hypothetical. You are real, you are young and alive and filled with dreams. It will never be too late, and there is nothing you could have missed this summer that cannot be achieved in a happier and healthier situation.

Start making today special. You are filled with light, dreams, and love. You will create the life you dreamed of, filled with adventure and happiness. Treat yourself tenderly, this is your first time being alive, the first last summer of college. You are learning and growing. I am so proud of you as you are now, and all that you will become. Keep the sparks alive, and I’m always here if you need someone to support or another senior in college to lean on!

I hope this helps!

Evan

P.S. here’s a poem that’s helped me!

[kaylasfos]

about my cm s/i ... questions taken from this post !!

other than with your f/o(s), how are your insert’s relationships with other characters like? have they made any close friends or enemies+ how did that happen?

my best friends are absolutely emily and penelope. jj and i are also close, but we don't get to see each other often because of her family commitments. also, we sort of fell off after she confessed her love to my husband while they were being held hostage.

derek has always been like an older brother to me. he also lowkey wingman-ed me and spencer for a long time. i grew up around rossi a lot because he was good friends with my father, so i see him as an uncle.

what about their reputation, are they well known outside of their circle? what do others initially think or assume about them?

i worked in hostage negotiation before i joined the bau, and there i was known pretty well. i hate to brag, but i was very good at my job there and was on my way to a promotion before i transferred.

what were your f/o(s) first impression of them? vice versa, what was your insert’s first impression of your f/o(s)?

i've talked about this a lot, but spencer initially was pretty standoffish towards me. i didn't have anything against him, in fact i thought he was sweet, but he didn't seem to want to talk to me. this led to a confrontation where i asked him why he hated me so much, and he admitted he just "gets nervous around pretty girls".

what’s one thing you and your self insert(s) have in common?

our hobbies! we both really enjoy reading and writing in our free time. our personalities are largely the exact same.

what’s one thing you and your self insert(s) don’t have in common?

my s/i isn't nearly as sensitive as i am. being in the fbi, you can't let things get to you too much.

what is your insert’s moral alignment?

neutral good. i respect authority, but i won't tolerate injustice or being disrespected.

give us a little bit of information about your insert! could be basic (name, age, height), stuff relevant to the source (abilities, class type, affiliations, etc.) or just fun facts you really want to talk about!

kayla orton, 5'3"

how would they spend their day to day in your f/os’ universe? do they have a job or any other daily commitment? a routine they follow?

most of my time is spent at the bau office. when i'm not there or on a case, i'm relaxing at home. sometimes spencer and i have movie nights, and every third friday of the month, the bau girls go out for drinks.

does your insert come into the story and what part do they play in it? how do they fit into everything, and how does the story change with them involved?

cm is more of an episodic show than anything, but i do play into some of the overarching plots. most notably, i was the only person to actually reach out to spencer after revelations and make sure he was doing okay. i helped him through withdrawals and that made us much closer.

also, the maeve plotline just did not happen. she does not exist. boo. that plot is instead replaced with me being kidnapped by the replicator (the unsub of that season, who was replicating previous crimes solved by the bau). he was attempting to replicate spencer's kidnapping from s2, but he didn't get far enough to drug me, luckily.

give us a brief (or not-so-brief) summary of their backstory! how did they end up wherever they are? memorable moments? etc.

oh man, i made a whole timeline of my s/i a while ago! here it is :)

when & how do they get introduced to your f/os?

first day on the job, my desk was next to his!

what about their fashion & aesthetic? what kind of clothes do they usually/like to wear for the everyday, or when they’re all dressed up for some special event?

usually business casual & comfortable enough to run after unsubs if needed. it's often stuff like this:

^ is it anything practical you would wear irl, or is it a little unrealistic and purely for the sake of having a cool design?

i'd wear most of that irl! it's cute and professional :3

if your insert were to become a canon character, how would they be treated by fandom? do you think they would get misinterpreted a lot?

i think i'd often get misinterpreted as the sunshine-y & innocent one. i also think a lot of reid girls wouldn't like me.

how does your insert look like: are they an exact copy of you? are they you, but with minor adjustments? (e.g they have a tattoo, different hairstyle or eye color, etc)

they're me, just a little older and more mature.

what does their living environment look like? is it minimally decorated, messy or super high tech & futuristic? is it a place you could actually/want to live in?

my apartment kind of a controlled chaos space. there's lots of plants and books as decorations. it's very bright and i try to let in as much sunlight as possible. it's a happy space, somewhere i can get away from work. something very much like this:

does your insert have any family? (whether it be familial f/os, ocs, pets or people based off your actual family)

my father helped to found the bau with gideon and rossi, but he passed away when i was young. because of that, i saw the two of them (rossi more often) a lot and they became like uncles to me.

as of criminal minds: evolution, spencer and i have three children: annabel, jason, and ruthie (oldest to youngest). annabel was born around s10, jason around s13, and ruthie after we left the bau after the finale in s15.

[jungilhoon]

from 2015 to 2023: a retrospective!

i’m mostly writing this for myself, but if you happen to take a look and even get something out of it, that’s cool too.

i started this blog in march 2015; it’s now december 2023. back then, i was still a student, reaching the end of my teen years and preparing to progress towards the next stage of my life. i’m now twenty-eight (birth year buddies with sungjae, let’s go).

to be honest, my main goal in life during that time – aside from surviving university and then finding a job – was basically to spread recognition of btob as much as i could lmao. it was as if my well-being depended on their happiness and success. i wanted to watch them succeed so bad, and i feel like their rise equated to some of the most exciting years of my life. they gave me something i thought i was missing, and i needed them. at the same time, i think i was experiencing a lot of difficulties during the years 2015-2017. btob became my escape and comfort that helped me get through that period. looking back, i could have been relying on them a bit too much, but they certainly brightened my world. for that, i’ll always be grateful.

one of my fondest memories will forever be seeing them live for the first time at their 2017 concert. being in the presence of the seven people i had been supporting so hard was profoundly touching. hearing fellow melodies singing their hearts out to ‘it’s okay’ alongside myself brought tears to my eyes.

anyway, as time passed and i started to spend less time online due to changing commitments offline, i began to notice changes in myself. i stopped posting here in 2019 for no significant reason other than that i had gotten busy, and i was finding myself genuinely enjoying life by then. i was discovering happiness in more ways than i had before, but btob stayed a part of me. they were my reliable friends, my found family – the ones i could come back to at any time. my home.

in late 2020 and 2021, i distanced myself for a while. i don’t think i ever fully processed the news back then. i might have even told myself that not paying attention and blocking it out would be for the best. i basically took a break, only checking in here and there. (4u ate up on kingdom.) i’ve naturally drifted away from people i knew back then, but i’ve also stayed close to a few. eventually, i found myself accepting the way things had become, albeit slowly. i still miss and care about ilhoon. i understand if he will never be a ‘public figure’ again. i think i can simultaneously acknowledge and hold both of these perspectives. every now and then, such as when i’d finished watching the btob time movie last week, i do feel sad about it. it’s hard to just get over it. yeah, i’m an adult, but so what.

my mindset has changed as i’ve gotten older. in the past, i was hostile and quick to react in the face of negativity. i was chaotic; i always wanted to prove a point. i guess i’ve calmed down a lot since then. i’m pretty mellow these days. on the whole, i’m not fond of spending too much time engaging with strangers or acquaintances online. truthfully, it did make me anxious then too. i kind of prefer just tossing things into the void, like this post, and quietly enjoying what i like. that’s why being active online the way i used to be doesn’t seem to work for me anymore. still, maybe with rose-tinted glasses, i miss those days i spent just waiting on the next btob update and having fun here. i scrolled through my archive for a while last night, riding on a rollercoaster of emotions.

what i actually mean by my mindset having changed though, is that i seem to view things in life more positively these days. i’ve somehow stopped being so pessimistic all the time. i found it difficult to look on the bright side when i was younger. i was colder, filled with dread, and eternally expecting the worst. as a person, i think i’ve become warmer, more appreciative. precious things can disappear just like that. i try to be thankful, in case it’s true that nothing gold can stay.

i’m undecided on if i’ll randomly appear with the odd post when i feel like it. there’s no harm in it, so perhaps! at present, what i want to say is that i still wholeheartedly love and support btob. always will. i have their season’s greetings pre-ordered. now that they’re out of cube, i’m so excited for what they might have in store next. i don’t know what it’ll be, but that’s okay. whatever it is, and even if it’s not what i’m expecting, i trust them. i’ll be proud of them. really! 비투비 예전에도 지금도 앞으로도 사랑해요! 🩵

(p.s. i impulsively bought hour moment photocards at 2am last night, so maybe i actually still need to relax.)

[razzamult]

First Post, and hard lessons.

It's been a long time since I've blogged, I used to have an account with blogger.com (remember that?) back in the early 2000's So trying this out again is interesting, seeing what's different, what's similar.

I wanted to start this blog to record some personal thoughts that I've had over the last few years, so there will be some serious posts, including this one, but I do want to lighten things up inbetween.

I feel like I've written and re-written this a dozen times in my head, but it's time to commit and write something down. for those of you who know me, I want to tell a story and maybe you've heard some bits of it already, for any others who happen along? it's a story of anxiety, depression, burnout, a new path maybe? mostly i write this for my own benefit, to remind myself of where I've been & where I'd like to go, and where i don't want to go back to.

But first, some context. I've been working (full time) in IT for….16 years? I think? (give or take), and I'll be honest - I've had enough, and i want out of IT. I remember a time when computers were "simple" beasts (relatively speaking), the earliest memories of using a computer was my mum's 386 (it was a while ago ok!), she was studying a degree, but we had a number of DOS games installed on it (lots of apogee shareware), over time that computer got upgraded, new CPU, more ram, bigger hard drive, Windows 95! that was new & exciting! I remember somewhere along the way mum teaching me enough dos commands that when we bought a new game I could install it without needing help, she just gave me the discs and sent me on my way.

It was in year 10 in high school that i started scrounging enough parts to start making my own computer (or computers as it would become), my first pc being a 386 and the first thing I did was run games on it & dad had a laugh, it was slow, but it was mine! I worked out how to do all the upgrades myself, and over time ended up moving through windows 3.x, 95, 98. by the time i got to windows 2000 i had a 2nd hand IBM desktop, and I was looking after our home network, i think we'd moved from dial-up to ADSL around that time too.

After high school i got into the local TAFE (college for trade certificates), and got a Cert III in IT

I remember not liking XP when it came out (oh god, what is that default theme?! those colours?!), but I built an amd athlon64 system to run it on, all new parts & it was the fastest thing ever! (well, ok, maybe not ever…but it was mine! and it way faster than anything i had previously) i spent days playing warcraft III on that machine, learning how to compile software, playing with virtual machines, and it around this time i landed a job doing helpdesk at the local university.

Helpdesk work was interesting, but it's pretty soul crushing at times, you learn there are people out there who have no idea how to do the equivalent of "fill the tank with gas & check tire pressure", the uni had debated about having a basic computer literacy course for both staff & students, but it never got off the ground. But i pushed through, worked hard, and got recognized as being a good person to talk to in person or on the phone, often out-performing many peers on the helpdesk. We had people on the helpdesk escalating tickets to me, because i was good at working out the "curly" ones.

at some point I got offered a temporary transfer into server admin for 6 months, they'd seen me do good troubleshooting before sending stuff over to them, and they wanted to give me a chance. That ended up turning into fulltime work, that lasted 10 years. I learned a lot in that time, deploying and managing servers, "hearding cats" to get people to agree when an old application can be turned off or upgraded, working on projects. i'm not going to fill this up with IT acronyms but i did get sent on a lot of microsoft & other vendor training and for a number of mission-critical things became first point of contact. I got to experience oncall (and get paid extra for it), and almost single-handedly dragged the windows server fleet up to modern standards.

But in 2022 i couldn't do it anymore. I'd watched over the past years since microsoft fired it's QA staff in 2014, patches got worse, microsoft's promises of improvement got more frequent, and my team (or me specifically) was often stuck between "deploy patch to fix vulnerability or don't deploy patch since it's broken and will break things we depend on", a position that no IT department should find themselves in, having to choose between security and uptime. I'd worked on projects that were so badly run that I'd experienced depression (and some of the places your mind can take you), and while i never acted on the the thoughts during such times, it was not a place that, mentally, i wanted to return to. I'd seen people in other teams at the uni stonewall projects…for what??? no repercussions, one of them even got a promotion. not to mention that in 2021 our IT director/executive staff decided to overrule state government and tell everyone they had to be back in the office (that went down about as well as you'd expect)

2022 was a bad year, we had multiple bad patches we couldn't install on some of our servers until revisions came out, I had a staff member in another team who refused (again…after 4 years…and raising it with my supervisor) to complete work they'd promised, we had a huuuuge amount of work coming down the pipe, and no extra staff, and at some point in july i just broke down over it all. I could not do it any more. I could not push through. my reserves were empty. I had no more to give. things had gotten too hard, things were too complex, I wasn't running a cute 486 playing an apogee game. I was looking after hundreds of servers and multiple cloud environments. these weren't the basic applications that we knew & hated when i arrived, these things were using complex databases and machine learning, and I was expected to understand it all enough to support it. Sure i was part of a team, but people go on leave, I get the on-call phone, I filled in for my manager on occasion, you have to know enough to be able to diagnose and fix things, and it's so. much. now. Things have moved so fast over the last 10 years, and the reward for being able to tread water, for being able to keep up? not more people to help out, but more work, more new technology to learn, in addition to the old technology. It was suffocating, it wasn't sustainable.

And i was dumb enough to think that changing employers would be sufficient. I moved state, found a new job, it paid more, only to find out that the work was worse. the internal documentation was incomplete and the team didn't want to answer questions. clients running systems that were 20 years old (and not supported)….and were planning an upgrade to a system that was 15 years old….and would still not be supported. And all that anxiety? It came back! with friends!

I found a 2nd job, working in IT / healthcare and it was terrifying. we have laws about how medical data is to be stored & handled and my manager told me "there's no laws about this", turns out he was also a sexist & a bigot too. That was a job that didn't see a need to have compliant IT and guess who's getting blamed when shit hits the fan??….well not me….not anymore. The only reason I was able to stay there as long as I did was that I was working part time for most of it.

I spoke to a number of people in IT over the last 2 years and the common theme is that they're all burned out, they've all been screwed by the pace of change or inability to enact required changes. And maybe that pace has been dictated by management not because anyone needed new things, but simply due to those things being new and shiny, or due to complacency. Maybe in other cases it was driven by consumer demand / consumption, maybe as a society we're destroying good IT staff for our own amusement so we can have the goods & services we want when we want them, on our schedule….I don't think I'm qualified to answer that.

But for all that IT has burned me, there are things about it I miss. I miss those times when computing was simpler, when it was easier to understand, when it was just a hobby. I miss being able to comprehend how things worked, rather than feeling like I was part of some cargo cult. I miss when IT was just a hobby and didn't have to understand laws for businesses around it and ensure compliance. I miss when IT was fun.

whoever said that making your hobby a job would make you happy and "you'd never work a day in your life" was lying. whoever said "just push through" never experienced anxiety / depression / burnout (or at least not in the way I did)

If i had piece of advice? If I can leave a message for myself to look back on? Know your limits, you're only human, don't try and push yourself beyond them & hit the wall. Know where that wall is & that it's ok to tap out if need to & you have the means. It's a lesson I had to learn over the last 2 years.

So what does the future hold? I want to go back to IT as a hobby, I can't see myself doing this as a career anymore. and in 2024 I'm going to study for a Library & Information Services Certificate, it'll be a change of pace / direction & should be a good career change.

If you made it this far, thankyou for reading, it's a serious first post i know. But it's been roiling around my head for a while. I should have some more light hearted things to post later

[fishcemetery]

♫ Missis Sara, sail me seas ♫

The rules are simple! Tag people and name a character you want to know more about! If you want to let the person you tagged decide who to showcase, then don’t name a character and they can pick somebody. Easy! The person who is tagged will then bold the remarks below that apply to their character &, if they want to, include a picture with their reply!

(i'm going to amend the rules and italicize the tags as well, because i can never for the love of god tell which words have been bolded on mobile, unless i squint really hard.)

Tagged by @bunnybananasims! Although Camille is a formidable herald of damnation and game errors, Sara is still THE queen and icon, so the choice was kinda obvious. I admit, it's my fault so few people even know about her, but I'm going to fix it soon. I promise. There are A LOT of screenshots.

A couple things to note: first, with the way my storytelling goes, Saramesses Coppuroplise is basically a Sims version of an original character of mine, and for the most part her personality and backstory stem from there.

That's kinda necessary, because second, she's been randomly acquired in the course of gameplay and has no actual in-game backstory... except that when my starter sim and I found her, she had been meticulously hacked into several pieces and scattered all over the planet, and we had to put her back together with love, care, black magic and some industrial-grade glue.

In other words, she's my mummy. Or at least used to be.

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable

✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other

✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other - on the job (haven't bothered with installing University yet, but as the town's resident Mad Scientist, she's at least qualified enough to blow up the lab every week and still keep the job)

✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes (?) / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed (they wouldn't have massacred my 3000-year-old girl like that for nothing, so someone must've done something)

◒ Children: has a child or children / has no children and doesn’t want any children / wants children

◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased

◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent / not applicable

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

♦ disorganized / organized / in between

♦ close minded / open-minded / in between

♦ calm / anxious / in between

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

♦ cautious / reckless / in between

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between

♦ leader / follower / in between

♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in between

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

♦ traditional / modern / in between

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between

♦ cultured / uncultured /in between/ unknown

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic

☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

❀ Philosophical: yes / no

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless

♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious

❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female/ agender / other / none / all

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor/ none

✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

☕︎ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic

☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker

✿ Recreational Drugs: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess

☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater

$ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic

♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

｡˚ ✧ I tag... random followers who don't seem to have done it yet. Here. Pick anyone, and have at it. Have an extra burden on your shoulders. Or don't – who am I to tell you?

@simsanctuary, @tsims, @ares-in-a-jar, @blossom-sims, @nikkeisimmer

And if you really really wanna do it, but no one's tagged you yet – just tell everyone I did, and go forth, champion! I'm rooting for you and your pixel people.

[whatthe4355]

Scooby Doo Headcannons

since everyones posting theirs, here mine

First off, basic facts.

Everyone except for shaggy attended the same community college, and shaggy worked in the college cafeteria.

Mystery Inc. finds cases bc Shaggy runs the mystery machine as a food truck gathering info on local cases the police wont bother with.

Shaggy funds the mystery solving via a food truck, and a good one at that. Said food truck is the mystery machine, which isnt modified to be a food truck. theres a foldaway tent, chair, stair case, and table that shaggy sets up when running it for food service. These are stored on the roof rack.

Theres a couple of running gags. shaggy locking the mystery machine when something spooky or monsterous shows up. The gang goes to drive the mystery machine w/o freddy b4 remember he made it fucking STICK SHIFT. Fred knows a lot of languages, mostly by accident, but hes only fluent in three. Velma has a large willingness to commit crimes at the drop of a hat. Daphne does get kidnapped, but she escapes off screen and when she returns she tells a very nonchalant story about a very deranged escape attempt, often scaring both the gang and the monster. EX:[ “Well, I was tied up in a tomb. So, I used the pocket knife I keep in my sleeve to undo the knot. Then, I opened the door by melting the lock open” “Daphne what the fuck” “What? Like its hard? It wasn’t even a good knot!” ]

Scooby Doo can talk, but only when its funny

Fred is a mechanical engineer and a mechanic as a hobby. He is mixed, Dad is palestian and mom is hispanic. He is white passing. Parents are supportive but don’t understand why he refuses to work at “a small parts manufacturer”, local to his hometown. They don’t know its actually a defense contractor. This is a running gag where he tries to explain it but he has to keep swapping between three different languages to fully explain. He repaired the mystery machine, got it from an older hippie who was sad it got in this state, but can no longer drive safely due to macular degeneration. The paint job was alright but the engine was bad. Fred electrified it, but kept the manual transmission by choice. He’s the only one who can drive it now, as he learned to drive on the family beater car. Not the brightest man, but has incredible blue collar charisma.

Velma is a comp sci major and a forensics minor. She’s the one who figured out the mystery solving gimmick. Shes passionate about human freedom, but has no filter on how she discusses crimes. She’s black and got into college via stem programs. She chose a smaller community college over a bigger university, as the bigger university kept blocking her applications to more advanced programs. Big into ‘hack the planet’ and that sort of hackivism. After she left her university to go the community college, she hacked the university’s system for revenge. She refunded as many tuitions and finical aid to the students as possible. Lesbianisms.

Daphne is a transwoman who got kicked out of a catholic boys school for coming out. Her mother is irish and had a father who worked in finances. Dad died young, and mom raised “him” as catholic and boy scout. To correct Deviant Morals, as her mother would put it. Catholic raised but not catholic herself. Became a fashion major after moving out of catholic school, and onto the dorms of the community college. Knows a concerning amount about knots, wilderness survival and styrofoam napalm. She helps with the traps before fred and velma realize her plans are INCREDIBLY VIOLENT. Like, she knows way too many ways to cause harm w/o realizing it. Appears bimboish at first pass and disconcertingly violent if you are her friend. Should probably have more therapy but only does the minimum for her hrt. Has an only fans to prey on the wallets of so called chasers. Velma does a lot of behind the scenes work to make sure Daphne doesn’t get doxxed to hell and back.

Shaggy is a foster kid, and no idea who his actual origins are. He prefers to keep it that way. Incredibly ACAB and anxious about the future. He actually does go to therapy, and got prescribed weed gummies for anxiety. Couldn’t afford them but found out the company that makes them was doing poorly. He agreed to help sell their gummies, as long as they came up with a dog safe variant. Turns out they already did, so he sells them at the food truck. He tried to go to culinary school but his anxiety made him drop out. Adopts the attitude of “I’m not fucking with that shit” in terms of ghosts. Hes also a vegetarian. He uses the mystery machine as a food truck with a menu that changes constantly with a couple of signature items that sound batshit crazy but tastes incredible(mole mac n cheese perogies for instance). He usually is the one to find leads from customers, bringing them up when fred comes along to drive and help pack the van up.

Scooby-Doo is a service dog, but flunked out of training late in the stage. Shaggy needed an emotional support dog but couldn’t find any actual ones in his price range. He found Scooby-Doo in a shelter and went “well this is good enough for me”. Adores the gummies so much shaggy nicknamed them after scooby doo. The combination of the nick name and the mascot made the gummies sell like hotcakes at the mystery machine food truck. The company doesn’t actually put weed in the dog safe gummies, but scooby thinks so. Shaggy hides his actual gummies and only sells weed gummies by request (The Scrappy-Dum Snacks). Scooby is mix of pit bull and brown lab for the most part.

[rayezaeri]

Spoilers for the game Va-11 Hall-A, trigger warning for mention of suicide.

Someone’s probably talked about this before but it was just a thought that popped into my head, within the Va-11 Hall-A universe, Jill stands out the most as she just seems to be so out of place. We play a character who is quite literally doing what she wants, living life, seeing what’s there to offer, she’s just there, there to enjoy what life has to offer.

Now when you bring in everyone else, it just shows how out of place she is. The only notable part of Jill’s backstory we get is her relationship and “end of” with Lenore, and about her life during those years, which is quite unremarkable. She basically enslaved herself to her study’s and let them take over her life before ultimately deciding she didn’t want that. And that’s it, that’s all we get, perfectly average life of a perfectly average person.

Then we have Gil. Someone who fully admits during the good ending of the game, that his identity is falsified and he quite literally can’t leave Glitch city cause it’s the only place where his falsified identity will work. We learn very little about him, he’s a mystery to us. We know he was involved in some riots, seems to have some sort of companionship with Jamie and is most likely a wanted man. There’s a point in the game where Jamie asks us to tell Gil something, and when we do, he hurries off, telling us and Dana that if he’s not back in 3 days assume he’s dead. Clearly he lives a completely different sort of life than that of Jill’s and usually he’d be declared the one that doesn’t really fit in, until we get to the other characters.

Dana. First notable thing about her, she has a robot arm, second notable thing about her, no one knows how she lost her previous arm. Dana seems like a walking legend, maybe myth is a better word there but you get the idea. She’s done a lot from the sounds of things, seems to know some shady people, doesn’t even bat an eye at one of her employees and friends saying they’ll be gone for a few days and that if they don’t come back assume they’re dead. She’s also a great person in general. Glitch city is continually shown to be a really shit place to live, one of the nights you end up staying at the bar with Dana cause it sounds like a gunfight is going on. She keeps people safe from creeps, prevented someone from committing suicide, and is always coming up with reasons to give Jil more money at the end of each of her shifts, one day just simply saying she’s run out of ideas so just have the money. She’s a great person in an otherwise tragic place to live, which is great.

Then there’s Alma, who has enough family drama to make me feel like I am her, and she’s a really good hacker, could probably find out anything about anyone if you needed her to, also she has robot hands. Out of all the non ordinary’s she seems the most ordinary and most like Jil but the fact still stands that while she may not be a notorious hacker, she definitely could be if she wanted to be.

Dorothy. At a glance, she’s also somewhat normal. She’s a Lilim (which in this game basically means android but they avoid using any terms relating to anything somewhat robotic as Lilim essentially view them as slurs). She’s a (mostly) sex worker with a shit ton of illegal modifications which make her job easier. Now, the interesting shit surrounds one of her clients, her “mother” and a ghost girl? Have no idea what Anna is. For a bit now one of her most common clients is this guy named Ingram. It’s not explicitly stated that he’s a client of her’s, but he lost his child around 3 years ago in game, and Dorothy mentions she has a client who just simply asks her to pretend to be his dead daughter so it’s quite likely. So yeah, her current most common client asks her to pretend to be a dead person. Now I’m regards to her “mother”. Every Lilim is assigned a guardian to look after them until they reach mental maturity, Dorothy’s guardian lost her child as well and Dorothy has anxiety over feeling like she’s being used as a sort of replacement. Now the “ghost” girl Anna, appears to be said dead child, from this point this is basically my own theory cause nothing is stated. But, Dorothy admits to Jil at one point that her real first name is Becky, something which now only Jil and Dorothy’s mother know. Anna at one point asks Jil to look after Becky for her, begging the question of how she learned that name. So if Anna is said dead child, then Dorothy is spending her time pretending to be a dead child, while having a mother who has a dead child, said child of which, appears to be some sort of ghost thing that follows Dorothy around (Only Jil can see Anna). So yeah, very much not a normal life.

Stella and Sei. Stella is rich as hell, very very rich, has her hair in a drills hairstyle to avert attention away from her breasts because she’s insecure about how big they are. She celebrates basically every holiday that exists to the max, throwing massive parties which always involve her giving gifts to children like she’s giving out free candy. Sei, an ex white night. Sei is awesome and also an incredibly depressing character. Upon her first meeting with Dorothy she identifies multiple illegal attachments that she has with just a glance. She worked as a white night, which is basically a step up from the normal police, in the game an event happened which we don't know much about, we do know, it involved a bank, a very high body count, and enough negative impact to turn the people against the white nights to the point that they start quite literally hanging them in the streets. Everything regarding the events that happened in the bank are classified. Sei was in the bank during this event, hasn't talked about it, which is fair, trauma's a bitch, but she somehow lost an eye. When she got out she had to abandon the armour and just run for her life to avoid the public that would've killed her. She is now entirely out of a job as her entire life has quite literally turned upside down. Thank god she has a sugar mummy in Stella. Those two are cute and I do ship them. So yeah, these guys have weird and interesting lives.

Time to try and wizz through as many of the rest as I can. Rad Shiba and Nacho are literally talking dogs, Rad Shiba wears a Hawaiian shirt. Jamie is a contract killer, *Kira* Miki is a famous idol. Donovan is the boss of the local news outlet. Taylor is a fucking brain in a jar. There's a private detective, a child who attempts to buy alcohol to piss off her mother. There's a duo who are going to an event in cosplay, and the Lilim of the duo casually describes how Anna looks without batting an eye, even though Jil is supposedly the only person who can see her.

There's more but I feel I've gotten my point across. To put it simply, Jil plays the part of a witness. Basically everyone else in this game has something interesting going on in their lives that we are either aware or not aware of, they have lives which have something unique about them. Jil is just there, she denied an opportunity to go into an educational course so that she could enjoy her life, it did end up causing her and her girlfriend to "break up" there was a massive argument and they never spoke after that but there was no official "i'm breaking up with you" soooooo. Jil just felt that she had wasted a small portion of her life by burying her head in books and trying to get through education, so she decided she wasn't going to throw her life away like that and just simply see what life has to offer, she's just there, existing, a character who sinks into the background so she can do what she wants, and despite the fact that out of all the characters in the game she is the only one who has a seemingly "normal" life, she doesn't stand out. She's the odd one out but she fits in perfectly.

Aight I'm done, just wanted to share my thoughts on this realisation I had, also Jil x Dana is best ship, will die on this hill, bai.

[xxxmasterkali]

Ventus McCartney

Basic Info Name: Ventus Eugene McCartney Birthday: June 13th Age: 22 VA: Jesse McCartney Sexual Orientation: Straight Astrological Sign: Gemini Aspiration: Athletic Favorite Color: Grey Sim Characteristics: High Energy, Family Motivated Likes: Fitness, Mischeif, Rock Climbing, Video Games Dislikes: Gardening, Writing, Programming Fears: Rodents Traits: Excitable, Survivalist, Salty, Carefree, Committed, Incredibly Friendly, Sincere, Gentle, Heavy Sleeper, Kindness Ambassador, Beloved, Gregarious, Jester, Hero, Loud, Innocent Lifestyles: Energetic, Close Knit, Outdoorsy Self Image: Neutral Self Image

NSFW Info Virgin: Yes Alcohol: No Cigarette Smoker: No Drugs: No Wicked Attributes: None

Physical & Mental Health Physical: High Metabolism Mental: No known issues

Milestones Teen: Adopted a Pet, Fell in Love, First Kiss, Started Romantic Relationship, Graduated High School

Young Adult: Started a New Relationship, First Woohoo

Family Parents: Clay McCartney & Toni McCartney (Fling) Stepparents: Dominick McCartney Siblings: Diamond McCartney (Half Little Sister) Pets: Snuggs (Cat) Financial Status: Average

High School High School: Destati High (Graduated) Grade: B Student Popularity: Average Social Group: Floaters Affinity: Doesn’t Care About Popularity

College College: Hikari University Major: History

Work Job: Barista (Part Time)

Friends Best Friends: Terra Dohring & Aqua Holland Close Friends: Sora Osment, Axel Flynn & Strelitzia Ferguson

Romance Relationship Status: In a Relationship First Kiss: Adrian Silversweater Crush/Partner: Strelitzia Ferguson Ex Relationships: Adrian Silversweater Sexual Partners: Strelitzia Ferguson

Situation (DH) Ventus has strong feelings for Strelitzia Ferguson, & finds it frustrating that she chooses to sleep with other people when he could love her the way she wants to be & wouldn't break her heart. Ven is also cousins with Roxas McCartney, but his parents won't communicate or come around Roxas' parents for some reason, even though they're dads are brothers. Ven doesn't think too much about it & shrugs it off, but he occasionally wonders why.

UPDATE: Ven finally decides to start a relationship with Adrian. After dating her for a couple months, he finds Strelitzia crying at the park & comforts her. The two end up kissing & Ven feels incredibly guilty for cheating on Adrian. He decides to tell Adrian the truth & she breaks up with him. Ven has yet to talk to Strelitzia about the kiss, because she currently has a lot going on & he doesn't want to add to the pressure. Axel points out how Ven & Roxas look identical & then they both become more curious to their parents history. Come to find out, Ven finds out Roxas' father is his real father, & that he & Roxas are twin brothers.

Situation (HU) Ven & Roxas are able to patch things up between their families. He's still struggling with recognizing Roxas' dad as his own, & not his uncle. Ven is close to his mother's husband, who he always thought was his dad & he always treated him as such. Ven is still crushing on Strelitzia & hasn't shared his real feelings with her yet. He tries to accept that she's happy with her new girlfriend & move on but Strelitzia gives him steady hints that it's actually him she's in love with. Skuld blurts to Strelitzia how she knows they both love each other & then Skuld tells Ven. Ven finally makes it known to her about his feelings for her & they begin a relationship & sleep together.

Memories

Shout out to the wonderful modders & content creators out there! Most of the information here I was able to add to each character courtesy of Radiophobe, Heleane, BasementalCC, TurboDriver, Chingyu, Kuttoe, YourFalseHope, adeepindigo, & littlemssam. Hairstyles were also created by racoonium! Link below for the Mods/CC/Sets/Animations that I have used in my KH Sims videos!

Mods/CC/Animation/Sets

Character Bios for Destati High & Hikari University

[informatikerin-freyja]

Obligatory post about AI artwork from an AI researcher. Not much in terms of new ideas, just venting thoughts.

I am concerned about the situation with generative models for artwork. It's really only a matter of time until these models are capable of using reference material to maintain visual coherence and consistency across multiple outputs. At that point, animation, illustrating comics, producing dossiers of concept art, all of that would become viable to automate. Hiring people with aesthetic taste to prompt and sieve through the outputs of these models will remain necessary, but I suspect the total number of art related jobs will decrease massively. The public interest in commissions will likely wane considerably. I think there will be people like me who place value on something being made by another human being, but what percentage of the consumer market will be as such?

Now, training data which neatly separates out references is not as abundant as just one-one artworks. So, given the poverty of training data, it's unclear the time frame on which we will see these more career threatening models emerge. Though, I imagine this problem is very much related to the problem of temporal coherence in generative models for videos, and there are a lot of videos out there in the world to learn from. Personally, I would be unsurprised to see these sorts of models emerge within five to ten years, as a bit of a handwavey guess.

Anyhow, I don't really have any solutions in mind. It does make me feel unsettled as part of the artificial intelligence research community to be contributing to a field (albeit I'm more interested in robotics) which is gearing up to do some real social harm in this regards. My dream has always been that automation can reduce the number of human beings working boring soul crushing jobs, and liberate us to focus on more creative and social careers. Unfortunately, interacting with real world objects remains extremely challenging for AI, where-as these digital media processing type problems are becoming quite achievable. Unless we can bring in something like universal basic income, I think these AI systems are going to make life worse for a lot of creative people in the short to medium term.

The vision of a largely post-work world, in which the means of production are automated and government owned, is extremely compelling to me. I think delivering future generations from the economic system we presently have is of such fundamental importance that we simply must press ahead with developing artificial intelligence, even when it worsens life for people in the short to medium term. As such, I remain committed to my field. I just feel a renewed sense of urgency to focus on problems arising in robotics.

[exd1000]

Day 30: Part 2.

So what I realized is that I don’t need to be afraid of him bothering me or trying to find me bc he is a narcissist and that’s okay (it’s actually great for me) bc that means he lost interest in me and most likely will not being looking for me anyway so I really don’t need to go out of my way to hide/change anything on my end. I can honestly just move on with my life freely which funnily enough (and maybe kinda sad??) is pretty easy for me for the most part bc I am avoidant lmao. Okay but tbh weirdly enough I like the fact that it is that easy for both of us to just detach and leave rather than have to deal with emotions and do that whole back and forth again you know? So idk I guess in a way I’m kinda grateful. Lmao dude that sounds so bad but not really bc 1) truly he is a shit person 2) i don’t need to feel anxiety and have the freedom that i’ve missed.

—

Worked out and did a full mile on the versa this morning. That was crazy that was intense. Went to grab some drinks with Marisa gonna head to the bbq in a bit with my neighbor Arshia and his friend. We’ll scope it out see how it is and if anything it’s low commitment so I can just dip afterwards haha.

Okay finally back home to my pup I love him so muchie. He’s resting his head on my leg rn heh. Anyway went to the pool/bbq Keem was there and we bonded! So we met a lot of people like a lot and Bentley kinda avoided me so that was nice (for me lmao). In the end it was just Keem, Arshia, his friend, and me playing our little beach volleyball and then talking and leaving early to grab dinner together. It was nice I am glad I went and I had a good time meeting nice people. I think it was sweet (the little 4 of us) bc we’re all struggling but connecting and it’s cute bc we’re literally neighbors and Keem literally was like we’re like those neighborhood kid friends running around haha. I’m really appreciative and I really like this little life of mine. Noah also texted me to check in despite his whole situation which honestly I think is kinda cute/sweet. He asked if I wanted to go out with him and take the dogs out tomorrow evening. I said sure but I do have a bonfire with John/Athena tomorrow too so I said let’s see. Honestly it was a really eventful day I got so tan I looked so cute. These other girls added Keem and I to a group chat haha like I really am not kidding when I say that there’s just a lot of people I’m meeting now. I am really grateful and blessed like the universe is looking out for me. Okay I should head to bed I’m exhausted I’ve been out in the sun all day and it’s 11PM and I have an early morning tomorrow too. Also I know I said people’s names but at this point its too much to just use initials.

—

I wanted to discuss more about what happened. And no it’s not me crying over it but what I realized is that I knew it was a shitty situation and I allowed it to continue. Reflecting back I basically allowed myself to use him as a distraction to avoid my own personal feelings in regard to my productivity/work/etc. bc I just didn’t want to confront it. I was comfortable I was scared and I allowed myself to shift my focus onto that situation instead of trying to figure out what to do/how to move forward. Everyone knows I’ve been unsatisfied with my work life. And it sounds so bad bc why the heck am I complaining I have an amazing job amazing coworkers amazing pay everything a person could ask for yet I keep telling everyone it’s not for me. Clearly I’m unsatisfied and I’m not doing anything about it and haven’t been. I’m not gonna be reckless and throw it all away but I just really need to think more about things in that regard and I won’t have a shitty situation to distract myself from. Overall I am really grateful bc there isn’t and will not be any more conflict it’s just peace and stability for me now and I can really redirect my focus on myself and my work.

[ieltsandlangwithsmita]

Hi,

Welcome to my blog, IELTS and languages with Smita, so as the name indicates, I will share posts, that would be of great aid to you, if you are pursuing IELTS, and also would like to learn foreign languages, that would be of aid to you in countries where in IELTS score is acknowledged.

To begin with, let me tell you that IELTS is accepted in UK, US, New Zealand, Canada, South Africa and Ireland. I am going to assume that you do not know anything at all, and start from the basic, so that everything from the scratch is covered. Before we get into the language part, let us start with IELTS, and to let you know my teaching style, there will be alternate posts on every Friday and Sunday or on any one of these days for sure, and just in case I miss, I will obviously try my best to cover up.

I will also share essential links, as an when required.

IELTS stands for International English language testing system. It's trusted by governments, Universities, and countless employers across the globe. Its over 40 years, that IELTS has maintain its standards, and has helped crores of students and working professionals to acquire their academic and professional goals whether it be dream jobs or dream universities.

British Council, IDP IELTS, and Cambridge University Press & Assessment is committed to thrive excellence always. It focuses on 3 different purposes, they being studies, job and migration. There are 4 categories, through which IELTS is tested, they being:

A) Speaking

B) Reading

C) Writing

D) Listening

See future posts for more updates

[sincerelywithheart]

Thoughts on EAW episode 9:

The case was somewhat interesting and the protagonist of the case, the leader of the children’s army, had good intentions but he still committed a crime nonetheless. I can understand the parents concerns about an adult taking 12 children to a secluded location and thinking about if sexual abuse or molesting happened. It’s a natural thought process. And I’m aware that In Asian countries, there is such a pressure to do really well in school so you can go to a good high school, which leads you to a good university and then a good job. Education is really important but the kids were basically elementary students. They should have play time after school and be able to participate in extracurricular activities. So it was sad to see that aspect of Korean culture but it’s been going on for so long that I doubt it’s gonna change.

And I’m intrigued as to why the writers didn’t include a final verdict for the case, maybe to leave it vague.

And as for how Youngwoo handled the case, I think she got swept up in the emotions and the defendant’s ideology. (She is also trying to be more than just an attorney who wins in court, as she decided that after the case in ep 5) The guy wasn’t helping the lawsuit and his defense by being honest and speaking out of turn so Youngwoo had to adjust the strategy of the case

I know that Minwoo is irritating and has said and done some mean things but honestly, but was right about Youngwoo’s actions during the final part of the trial. She did her own thing and her own plea with a disregard to the team’s strategy and efforts. She almost derailed their defense and their attempt to get a reduced sentence. She does have her bright moments and it’s amazing to see but if she wants to survive, especially in a tough world like the legal world and also just a working environment, then she has to be more a team player and not throw away her colleague’s work.

NOW ON TO THE FLUFF:

Youngwoo and Junho were adorable this episode and the romance has been ramped up in the drama!!!!!!! Especially with a few minutes into the episode, Junho takes a few minutes to take an eyelash off Youngwoo’s face and uses that moment to be in her personal space AHHHHH

Also Junho getting all pouty and jealous when she just talks about the case during lunch and not whales.

It was very cute to see Youngwoo try to woo Junho by doing things that men would typically do. I knew as soon as Geurami’s boss said those suggestions, she was gonna take it to heart and do those exact things.

Also, our lovely Junho who had a heavy heart and was very worried about how the relationship would as their feelings develop. He took Suyeon’s words to heart about his feelings not being temporary and was worried ever since. But he is very intentional with his feelings.

AND THEIR CONFESSIONS! Well, Youngwoo’s second time and Junho’s official declaration at the end of the episode. AAHHHHHH. It made my heart flutter and it was SO ADORABLE.

I CANT WAIT TO SEE MORE MOMENTS BETWEEN OUR WHALE COUPLE AND HOW THEIR RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPS.

[nochuvalencia]

𝐁 𝐁 𝐇 𝐌 𝐌 - jjk

I was basically inspired by these ^^^ pics of jk bc wow hot hi

⚠️ ALSO QUICK DISCLAIMER :: this is my first fanfic on here so it might be terrible but enjoy anyway. ⚠️

𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 :: reader x crimeboss!jk

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 :: bitch you better have his money.

𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 :: ABSOLUTE SMUTTY FILTH heh angst too ig

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 :: 11.9k

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 :: long haired tatted jk, that’s it, that’s the warning, uh kinda sketchy plot hsjsjsj, WOW ANGST ASF at the beginning tho, dub!con towards the middle don’t hurt me, fuck or die ig, gunplay????? yeah????? jks BLATANT OVERUSE of pet names, dacryphillia, major-ish character death, describing the injuries on a dead body, jk has a sir kink ig??? um excessive over exaggerated choking bc jks hands yum, explicit seggs, rough jk, he’s kinda mean, dom!jk, sub!reader, oral m&f receiving (facefucking on both ends), coochie sniff if you squint, coochie slaps if u squint too, spanking, OVERSTIMULATION, unprotected seggs, degradation, he calls her a bitch once idk, other bad names, praise too ig, jk gives an ultimatum, SLIGHT aftercare, he kinda like switches from flirty to murderous like a bunch of times it’s kinda weird, jk has an impossibly huge shlong obv, contemplating death, super mature themes, reader is a BIG fucking crybaby, overuse of the word fuck, corruption kink at the end if u squint super hard, also DUB!CON in case you didn’t see it, at this point I should just write what it doesn’t have

“If you’re not out of my house in 3.4 seconds, I'm dragging you out by the testicles” you uttered, your alarmingly calm voice laced with raw brutality as hot tears cascaded down your burning cheeks, your arm outstretched and pointed toward the blinding light of the hallway that contrasted with your dark bedroom. You said nothing more, with your eyes trained angrily at one of the four blank tan walls nearby, not possibly being able to bear speaking to or sparing a glance into the eyes of a cheating whore. The woman you had just caught him with scurried past you wearily, a terrified and confused glint in her eyes as she passed your frigid frame sans underwear, with her sparkly silver pumps dangling from her fingers and a wrinkly silver dress hanging limply from the clutches of her other hand. The man in question shuffled cautiously around the bed, clutching the exposed parts of his body and approaching you with extreme hesitation and outstretched hands, as if trying to calm the already blazing flames of your fury. He laid a cold, rough hand on your shoulder squeezing softly, a motion that once brought you comfort but only added the all consuming hatred that bubbled up inside you akin to ravenous bile filling up the pit of your belly. “Did you not hear what I said? Get out.” You spat, glossy eyes still pointed toward anything but him.

“____ please” he croaked, like the slimy frog he truly was, his voice dripping in false agony which only neared you closer to the brink of undoubtedly committing an act of extreme violence against that man. “Please baby it wasn’t-'' you blanked. He was about to make an excuse. A stupid, rediculous, horrible, completely false excuse which you had absolutely no patience to hear. So you snapped, harshly shrugging your shoulder and sending his arm flying back to his side. He stepped back, ceasing his incessant chatter as he stared at you, a surprised expression painting his “pained” features. He wasn’t accustomed to you acting like this, you were never one to raise your voice or act out in any sort of way so he stood there, eyes widened in dumbfounded silence and you took this chance, bending down, scooping up as much of his discarded clothing as you possibly could and throwing it in his face, your rage bubbling over into something much more carnal as you inhaled deeply through your nose.

“Shut the fuck up and leave!” He scrambled to catch as many clothes as he could and was taken aback by your abrupt outburst. He stood silent once again though this time, he was making the face he often made when forcing himself to cry. It was the face he made around his mother to get out of family responsibilities. The face he made around his friends when guilt tripping them into buying him drinks, and now he's using it for you. To guilt you into taking pity on his pathetic actions which merely was the catalyst for your unforgiving violence. In an instant you were behind him, heaving him out of the door with your bare hands, pushing with all your might, using the immense pain coursing through your limbs as motivation to drive his beefy frame further and further out of the bedroom, down the hallway, into the living room and closer to the door yelling “I said leave! Leave! Now!” Pushing harder and harder with every word you choked out. The tears began to flow faster, clouding and distorting your vision as your face contorted into an expression of pure anguish until finally, he was forced out of the open doorway and into the main hallway of your apartment building. You promptly slammed the door in his face and the only thought traveling though your mind was ‘thank god she left that door open’ because you wouldn’t have been able to force him through it otherwise.

You stood silently for a few seconds, back to the door, face still slick with tears as the cool wood on your back shook senselessly with every beat of his fist and muffled shout of his voice crying phrases like “____ open the fuking door!” , “this is my apartment too baby come on” and other variations of the sort. Your mind was empty while you remained there, letting the harsh reality sink in like the slowest molasses. You allowed that man, that pig, to take 10 years of your life. 10 years of your prime. 10 years that you'll never get back no matter how much you beg and plead for it. Come to think of it, you had shaped your entire life around him. His influence was there no matter how much you wished it wasn’t. His residue staining your life like the blackest ink of which you would never be able to rid yourself. At the surfacing of these thoughts, you’d finally broke down and cried, like ugly cried. Broken heaves and sobs escaped your throat until you felt like you were suffocating as you slid down the door, not caring if he heard your wails and whines of torment on the other side of the polished mahogany. You actually hoped he did hear, you wanted him to hear the anguish and grief he put you through. You wanted him to hear you cry out all of your attachment and love for him until there was none left, so he knows the tears flowing from your body hold all of the affection you harbor for him. All ten years of attraction flowing out in a gigantic tsunami of grief that can only end in a new start.

Your mind played through all the memories, and the small amount of good times you had with each other while you sobbed mercilessly, also coming to the realization that he never did anything for you. Ever since you were 14 you’d been changing everything about yourself for him, while he merely lived his life, dragging you along like a supportive little puppy and rewarding you with cheap token gifts and mediocre sex once in a blue moon.

He wanted to attend university in your hometown so you abandoned your dream school, which accepted you, to attend a closer college. He made the decision to study abroad, so you had to drop everything and move to Australia for him. He wanted to wait to have kids so you froze your fucking eggs for him. He got a great new job at a large company in Asia, so you dropped everything again and moved to South Korea. You learned Korean for him. You have the same friends as him. You even cut a few family members off because he was “uncomfy” around them. He wouldn’t even go down on you because it also made him ‘uncomfy’, which should’ve been a red flag from the start. You did all of this bullshit in the haze of love. The promise that he’d reciprocate all of it in affection and adoration, which he didn’t, and now you’re sitting in your living room bawling your brains out because you were too lovestruck to see the signs.

After sobbing hysterically for what seemed like hours, you’d sat limply in front of your door, slouching back onto it as if it were a plush armchair and staring blankly into space, your mind completely empty. Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted beyond belief, you leaned forward, groaning in anguish as your tired muscles cried out in distress after being immobile for more than four hours. Crawling over to the couch, you tiredly flung your nearly paralyzed body onto the soft cushions with a sigh, not even bothering to pull the fluffy throw blanket over your body as your entire frame began to steadily shut down. Before your eyes completely shut, you caught a glimpse of the clock perched on the wooden tv stand which read 11:11 and scoffing quietly as you thought to yourself, ‘I thought that was supposed to mean good luck’ and you gave in to the delicious expanse of slumber.

You were startled awake by the incessant pounding of your now ex-boyfriends fist on the door, again. For the past 4 days since you’d forced him out, he’d show up outside your door at the ass crack of dawn just banging on the door profusely, as if that would persuade you to open it an inch. He had a schedule, he’d come at 5am, before he went off to work, then at 12:30 on his lunch break, then again at 9:45 just to make you miserable before you went to bed. You’re actually surprised the neighbors haven’t complained to the landlords yet. You tossed the blanket off of your sticky body, kicking and thrashing wildly due to the annoyance caused by that nuisance.

You cried more times than you can count during these last 4 days, especially during the times he would attempt to win you over with sappy shit like “baby, you’re my everything, you’re all i’ve ever wanted”, the lyrics to one of your favorite songs or, “you’re my forever ____, you can’t just throw 10 years away babe” to which you cried about for 3 hours after he’d said it, after realizing that he actually wasted 10 fucking years of your life. Anger bubbled up in the pit of your stomach as you listened to the repetitive banging of his fist and at this point you had enough and came to the decision it was finally time to pack his shit. Stomping into the living room, you grabbed a necessary box of bags that sat on the coffee table in the center of the room, figuring you were ready to use it. With a final nod of your head, you marched into your shared bedroom and opened all of the cabinets and drawers that contained the plethora of his belongings and flinging them on the floor, grabbing the box of xl trash bags you’d snagged on your march in here and started tossing things in left and right, not caring about the brand name or the state of the fabric or anything for that matter. All you saw was red as your eyes welled up with tears for the first and probably not last time that day.

“I can’t do this” you sobbed out, voice hoarse as you fell to your knees, ignoring the rugburn that was soon to form on those areas as your shoulders shook with every harsh breath you took. You had been dreading this task. Dreading it only for its significance that once you packed all his things and tossed them out, your relationship would be truly over. You definitely didn’t want him back but this would be the first time you’ve been alone in 10+ years and you were not certain you were prepared for that let alone wanting it. Inhaling shakily, you sniffed, ridding your face of any moisture as you cleared your throat and walked back into the kitchen, grabbing the bottle of chardonnay from your anniversary that fell on the week prior and venturing back into the closet to resume your task. You weren’t much of a drinker but for this task, you’d need a bottle or two.

A few hours later, he’d finally went off to work and you sat in the doorway of the closet, drunkenly dressed in the wedding gown you were made to be wed in this summer still combing through all of his clothing and tossing them messily into a bag that laid open on the floor beside you. You took a swig from the bottle, hissing softly at the satisfying burn that seared it’s way down your throat and rubbing at your puffy eyes with the knuckle of your index finger. The closet was mostly bare, except for a rack with some of his clothes and one rack of semi-expensive clothing his cheap ass reluctantly purchased for you and you glanced around, catching a glimpse of some ugly floral fabric in the corner of the small space. Getting on your hands and knees you reached a limp hand out, taking hold of the horrendous fabric and dragging it out with a groan, eyes wide at the surprising heft of the object in your hand.

It was a pillowcase. A pillowcase full of something brick shaped. You raised an eyebrow quizzically before reaching into the bag and pulling out a fat stack of cash. Taking a sharp intake of breath you paused, staring blankly at the wrapped wad in your hand and cocking your head to the side. You peeked over into the bag after a few minutes, eyes popping out of your skull as they feasted on more huge stacks of money. It was Korean currency but there had to be at least 250k USD worth in the entire sack. You furrowed your brows, tossing the money back into the pillowcase forcefully as a tornado of thoughts whirled in your mind. Had he been saving behind your back? Was he planning on getting rich then eventually hanging you out to dry for some younger girl? How long has he had all of this? Where the fuck did it all come from?

You looked back at the money then back at the corner you found it in, squinting as you spotted some more ugly purple fabric. Crawling behind the clothing earnestly, you managed to fish out 4 more pillowcases full of money. You stifled a laugh, having never been in the presence of so much currency, you guessed it had to be more than 1 million dollars. You smiled for the first time in 4 days, lips curling up into a wide joy filled expression as you dumped all of the money onto the rugged floor of the closet. With all of the alcohol coursing through your veins, (almost a whole bottle) you didn’t hesitate to grab the biggest tote bag you own and stuff as much money as it could hold inside. You figured it was the least he could do after cheating on you.

He deserved to pay, and you obviously deserved a raise.

It was a full on shopping spree. After throwing all of his shit into bags, you tossed them outside your door and left with as much money as you could carry before he could come back on his lunch break. You even came back to get some more money, just to go out and spend it again. To say you splurged would be an understatement, you spent almost half of the money on clothes, shoes, a hair and makeup appointment, a manicure, a new car, and you even paid rent for six months after taking his name off the lease.

So here you were, struggling up the stairs as quick as you could, due to the fact that it was 9:30 and you were trying to avoid seeing him at his 9:45 visit. Your feet screamed in agony in your new jimmy choo pumps, because you’d been on them all day, and you had at least six shopping bags hanging from each arm, all full with an assortment of gaudy items such as shoe boxes, makeup products, and clothing. You had finally reached the door after a while, smiling at the absence of his bags which meant he took them and swiftly unlocked the door, clamoring in and tiredly dropping the bags in your hands. With a sigh, you locked the door, running a hand through your freshly styled hair as you rid your face of the designer sunglasses that shielded it. Kicking off your shoes, you hummed gratifyingly at the pleasurable feeling of bare feet and shuffled over to your couch, plopping down on the end cushion groggily.

A soft buzz in your back pocket caught your attention as you carefully fished out the new phone you purchased and unlocked it with your perfectly manicured fingers, raising an eyebrow quizzically as the texts rolled in, ‘i thought i blocked him’ you thought, preparing to do it a second time before a few texts caught your attention and you froze on the spot, chuckling heartlessly at his words.

+82 2 2263 5950 : whose car is in our parking spot?

+82 2 2263 5950 : did you already move on?

+82 2 2263 5950 : wow whore

You rolled your eyes, wondering where he attained the gaul to accuse you of a feat such as that. Calling you a whore as if that name isn’t suitable for himself. Even more so than you. You decided to text him back, feeding off of an unknown source of confidence as your fingers furiously tapped along the screen.

me : it’s my car asshole

me : bought it with the money u left me

me :thx baby <3

+82 2 2263 5950 : what money?

me : the money in the closet you didn’t bother telling me abt u dumb fuck

+82 2 2263 5950 : don’t use that money

me : why should i listen to you?

me : you aren’t my bf

+82 2 2263 5950 : no seriously ____ don’t use that money wtf is wrong with u

me : already did bye babe

You blocked him as quickly as you could, face burning with absolute anger as you tossed your phone on the cushion beside you. Who is he to tell you what you could or couldn’t do? You had come to the decision then and there that you wouldn't let him treat you like a child. He wasn’t your dad. Thanks to him you barely speak to your dad. The only thought going through your mind at the time was ‘fuck him.’ Before you could delve into your thoughts any further, it started. His incessant pounding on the door. Again. Although, this time it was much more frantic, desperate. He was much louder with his pathetic pleas and whines, crying out “please don’t use that money!”, “Listen to me god damn it!”, “___ open the fucking door now!” But you stood your ground, ignoring him once again as you did for the past few days.

Just to escape the racket of his wails of desperation, you retreated to your room, slipping on one of his expensive balenciaga sweatshirts you kept for yourself and climbing into the cool blankets, burying yourself under the plush fabric and folding your pillow over your ears. You knew this would be the longest night of your life..

And you were correct, It was the longest night of your life. He never truly got the memo that you would not be coming out to communicate with him so he finally left at around 1:30 in the morning. You had slept horribly, tossing and turning as the aftermath of his cries and pleads left a print on your mind and tormented you at all hours of the night, you didn’t manage to get any real sleep until around eight and woke up a mere five hours later in a state of confusion. It was well past noon and yet it was silent, you had woken up of your own volition, not because of some crazy man outside of your apartment screaming like a banshee. In due time, you had come to the conclusion that he had finally given up and gone about his day without banging on his ex-girlfriend's apartment door like an idiot at all hours of the day.

This theory was almost set in your mind until you heard a knock. Groaning violently, you stared up at your ceiling, eyebrows furrowed as you erased that theory from the whiteboard in your cortex. Fully prepared to ignore the person at the door, you rolled over to your side until another knock was heard. This wasn’t him. This couldn’t be him. The knocks were way too soft, they lacked an element of urgency, desperation. They were simply just way too calm. So, you sat up, swinging your legs over and reluctantly standing up, before making your way into the living room to be greeted with another knock and a smooth male voice calling out. “Miss ___ ___?”

You glanced wearily though your peep hole to be met with a tall male, dressed in a blue and white uniform. “Looks like a cop. He called the fucking cops on me, shit.” you whispered to yourself, voice small as you held onto the door handle. Figuring it’d be worse to make him wait, you opened the door, being met with the warm, dimpled smile, of the decorated individual. “Yes, i”m ____” you respond, shoving your hands into the pockets of your sweatshirt and looking everywhere but him, which probably seems more suspicious than anything but you were too riddled with anxiety to care. The officer clutched a navy blue manilla folder in his hand and opened it promptly in order to sift through its contents.

“Hi, i’m officer Kim.” he breathed out, calmly bowing and resuming his apparent spiel, “do you know this man?” he pondered, raising an eyebrow quizzically as he pulled a photo from his folder with calloused fingers and lifted it, spinning it around to face you. Your eyes widened slightly upon being shown a picture of your ex and you nodded hesitantly.

“He’s my ex boyfriend- well ex fiance I guess.” you responded, voice barely audible as your mind raced faster than the speed of sound. You asked yourself what he could’ve done that was bad enough for the police to show up at your door. Maybe you had been too harsh on him and he had gotten into one to many bar fights, maybe he robbed a bank at gunpoint, maybe he stole some old lady’s car and filled it with off brand mayonnaise before he returned it. All your questions- all your thoughts stopped as Officer Kim responded, running a tired hand through his hair.

“He passed, earlier today.” he paused, giving you time to digest things and you froze, staring at his face blankly as your mind processed what you had just been told and you hummed questioningly, your throat becoming tight with realization. “It happened around five this morning,” he paused again as you stood in complete silence. Sure you hated him but you’d never wish death upon another person, especially him. You hate him now but you were in love with him once too. You hate him now but, he was the closest person in your life. He was all of your firsts, your fiance, your best friend. You thought you wouldn’t be able to get all of that back because of the breakup but now you truly can never get any of it back, because he’s dead. Then, you started to cry, for the hundredth time this week but this one was different. You weren’t crying because you missed him, or wanted him to come back like all the other times, as horrible as it sounds. You were crying because you felt bad. Because of his short life that was ripped from him by the unforgiving hand of death. You weren’t crying because of him, you were crying for him. A hand on your shoulder interrupted your sobs and you wiped your face, glancing up at the culprit with glassy eyes. “I’m so sorry for your loss...” he paused, giving you a few moments to breathe as he rubbed your shoulder comfortingly before speaking again, “but we have an idea of who did it, it would be helpful if you just came down to the station with me for some questioning.” he asked softly as the shaking sobs and whimpers that came from your body slowed to a halt and you nodded.

“Yeah, uh. Let me just go get dressed.” You muttered, smiling up at him softly and shuffling back to your room to prepare. The longest night of your life was about to turn into the longest day.

And you were correct again as you stood in front of your apartment door after the absolute, and I cannot stress this enough, longest day of your life. Your ex was murdered, brutally, and they made sure to go over all of the gory details with you while you were at the precinct, they even took you to see his body, which made you cry because it was mangled almost beyond recognition and you were horrified. Apparently, he had been tortured for hours, which explained all the bruises, gashes, and burn marks on his body, strangled, thus the huge ring shaped mark around his neck, and dumped into a river, which made his body all pruny and wrinkled. You had spent 10 long hours at the police precinct and it was now nearing midnight as you fished your keys from your pocket in order to unlock the door. Inserting your key, you jiggle it around in the lock for a minute before realizing it was already unlocked initially. Figuring you had left it unlocked accidentally in your depressed haze, you pushed your way into your apartment and locked it promptly, pressing your forehead into the cool wood of the door. You sighed softly, relaxing only for a minute as you absorbed your surroundings before freezing as you heard the rhythmic tapping of someone's foot.

“Long day huh?” the voice was deep, one you hadn’t heard before as you remained facing the door, your grip of the handle tightening until your knuckles turned white. He spoke again, “you must be ____.” he murmured softly, sending a terrified shudder down your spine. “I’ve been wanting to meet you but he said you were off limits. You know, he talks about you a lot-...” he stopped himself as if realizing something, “well talked, I mean.” the man mused, an ominous chuckle flowing from his mouth.

“Who are you?” you rasped, attempting to conceal any cowardice but blinking your eyes harshly as your voice broke. You vaguely hoped this was one of your ex’s friends coming to visit, at an odd hour of the night, sitting ominously in the dark of your apartment waiting for you to come home just to say hi but the chances of that actuality was very slim.

“None of your business” the man retorted, a smirk evident in his ominous tone. “Now, let’s get down to business little dove,” you furrowed your brows at the nickname. You had never been called a nickname, especially by a man who randomly just snuck into your apartment one night. Your ex only ever called you baby or babe so little dove was different for you. It seemed endearing in the worst type of way. “I want the rest of my money.” he paused, “I found half of it in a closet here, and he said you might know where the rest is.” he paused again, only this time a sound is heard, a metal rattling of some sort that ricochets off of the walls of the apartment like a stray jumping bean in a pill case. Then it hits you, he has a gun, and he just shook it as if he intends to use it. . “Don’t make me ask again sweetheart.” Your eyes widen and well up as your head falls down, knowing you're going to die today and you take a deep breath, telling yourself you’d be ready for whatever happens so you decide, if you’re gonna die, you should at least know the name of the man that’s gonna kill you so you scrape together every last drop of confidence you can muster and ask once more.

“I said, w-who are yo-” you choked out, in an attempt to hold onto the last shred of your dignity as you blinked back the tears threatening to fall from your glassy eyes. However, your small shred of confidence is promptly ripped from your grasp as the man cuts you off mid sentence, slamming his gun down onto a hard surface with a loud clatter. You jolt, crying out softly as the tears you’d been holding back with all your might fall onto the ground before you.

“I said none of your fucking business bitch where’s my fucking money.” he spat, his sinister tone draing a choked sob from your thoat as you realized, you wouldn’t be getting anything you wanted today. “Answer me” he said, alarmingly calm as the sound of him cocking his gun travels directly to your mind.

“I spent it” you muttered between your soft hiccups and stiffened slightly upon hearing a heavy footstep approach you, then another footstep, and another, and another until they cease, and you can feel the man's warm breath raising the hair on the back of your neck. All your readiness for whatever happens and willingness to die flies out of the window as you lean your head on the door once more, taking a shaky breath as you begin to plead, aware of how pathetic you sound and part of the reason why you have such a strong urge to cry harder. “Please don’t kill me” you whined desperately as you feel the cold metal of the gun barrel resting on your shoulder.

“Relax little dove” he whispered, his lips brushing the back of your ear and sending a chill rushing through the entire expanse of your body. “Just find a way to pay me back and we’re even,” he continued calmly, his raspy voice reverberating in your eardrums as you think through what he just said carefully. You gasp and sniffle, shaking your head softly and lifting it slowly from the wooden door frame.

“I-” you stopped, taking a deep breath and preparing yourself as much as you could for his response then opened your mouth to continue. “I don’t have that kind of money” you whispered hesitantly, shutting your eyes tightly, allowing nothing to escape but the numerous tears that fell to the ground in anticipation of his actions. There was an eerie silence as he contemplated your words before he abruptly turned away, lifting the gun from your shoulder and holstering it in the waistband of his jeans, causing you to let out a wavering breath you’d been holding that entire time. His hand traveled back up, taking refuge on your left shoulder as the other hand made its way up your right arm, the warmth setting your skin aflame and sending a shockwave of warmth coursing through your body.

“There is another way you could pay me back.” his velvet voice rasped, stressing the word ‘another’ in a way that you immediately understood his insinuation and you took a sharp intake of air, bracing yourself for what he was about to say next. But he didn’t say anything for a moment, letting his hands do the talking for him as he gripped your arms softly, using his hands to spin you around and face him. You whirled around, yelping in surprise but stopping when you were met with the most exquisite, carnivorous brown eyes you had ever seen in your life that were accompanied by full pink lips and a tousled bunch of fluffy black hair you just wanted to run your hands through. Even in the darkness of night, the moonlight streaming through the kitchen window illuminated the room enough for you to trail your eyes down his face and get a vivid idea of what he’d look like with illumination.

Yummy as fuck.

Your eyes began to wander down to his exposed collarbone and before they could travel any lower, his fingers roughly grabbed your chin, forcing your gaze upward until you met his borderline cannibalistic gaze, which crushed you into nothing. He cocked his head to the side, a mischievous glint in his eyes as the corner of his lips turn upward slightly. “He was always bragging about you… saying,” he speaks, his sultry tone lulling you into a state of compliance as he spoke, “you’re such a good fuck,” he continues, placing his left hand gently on your waist and stepping even closer, if that’s possible, his soft breath hitting your face with every word as he speaks. “Your sweet little cunt is so tight” he glances down at your lips, running his thumb over your bottom lip “your mouth feels like heaven” he pauses again, running his hand down to hold the side of your neck softly to which you gasp “maybe i’d like a demonstration little dove.” he smiles, a twisted horrifying smile that snaps you out of his seductive trance and back to reality as your eyes widen and you pull yourself quickly out of his hold, running over to the couch and bracing yourself on it.

“No” you cry out, out of breath for some reason as you swallow thickly and shake your head. “No, I'll find a way to pay you back, I promise.” you plead, praying he wasn’t going to kill you on the spot and that he hadn’t noticed your blatant ogling. He probably did but at this point you didn’t care, you just wanted him gone.

“Whatever you say sweetheart” he replied, emitting a dark chuckle “call me if you change your mind, my number’s in your phone” he opened the front door and you glanced back at him, noticing the way his all black attire contrasts with his tan skin, and most of all, you notice the full sleeve of tattoos that ran down his right arm. Heat crawled up to your face as you realized you were gawking again and you nodded in response, feeling unable to form the words to respond with. He only uttered the words “you have a week.” before the door slammed and you were left alone in the dark.

You ran your fingers along the side of your neck where the aftermath of his touch lingered like a searing residue. No one had ever touched you like that, especially your ex. He was the man that took your virginity and was the man there for every time after so you’d become accustomed to his textbook missionary vanilla sex that left you touch starved and unfinished every. single. time. But you’d finish yourself off each time, feeling bad because you thought he was trying his hardest and truly didn’t understand how to please women. But as time went on, you realized he didn’t care about your pleasure and too enveloped in his own release to ever worry about your needs, but were too deep in love with him to care.

Your thoughts were interrupted when your phone went off to signal a text and upon picking it up there were two text messages from an unknown number that sent a shiver down your spine which read.

+82 2 5284 8735 : don’t try to run

+82 2 5284 8735 : we’ll hunt you down little dove

“Can’t you just take the shit back?” You questioned frantically, clutching the phone by your head until your knuckles turned white, rolling your eyes tiredly when you got no response. “They hung up, great” you deadpanned, plopping onto the couch you had been pacing in front of. It has been 6 days since the man showed up and you were running out of time and hadn’t slept in two days, your mind running frantically with the thought of him coming back to see you nearly empty handed. Well, not exactly empty handed. You had managed to get 253k of the whopping +400k dollars you had spent of his money and after not being able to return the car, manicure, hair appointment, rent, and a bunch of clothes and shoes, you were manic. Some might even say a bit crazy. Many of the stores and the dealership knew you by name because of the amount of times you called them. You dropped your phone into your lap, burying your face in your hands and wishing someone was here to console you through this but the only person you knew even remotely enough to offer any consolation was your ex. You wish he was alive so you could punch that bitch in the face and ask him what kind of shit he got himself into because the man that paid you a visit was most definitely not from corporate.

You sat for a silent minute deliberating if you should text the mystery man and take him up on his offer. You had asked yourself, is it really worth your life? Were you really going to die because you didn’t want to sleep with the hot guy you stole money from? The answer at first was yes because you still had your pride intact then but now, you had been starting to second guess your confidence in getting all the money back. After all, the deadline is tomorrow. You still had your hesitations, the only man who has ever seen you in such a lewd nature was your ex. You didn’t know if you were ready for sex with another person, even if he was the hottest man you’d ever seen. But, against your better nature, you convinced yourself that your ex was gone and this was bound to happen sooner or later, so why not sooner?

You grabbed your phone in earnest before anything inside you could convince you to stop and unlocked it, opening the messages for his number and typing out your text, hitting send before any sort of regret had the chance to sink in.

me : i’ll take your offer

me : this is ____ btw

You placed your phone down on the couch cushions beside you and chewed nervously on the not so fresh manicure that was still on your nails. To your surprise, his reply came in quickly and you frantically reached for your phone as the dings came rolling in.

+82 2 5284 8735 : i know who you are

+82 2 5284 8735 : i'll be there in 20

+82 2 5284 8735 : be ready sweetheart

Your heart thumped restlessly as you shot up from your seat shouting “twenty minutes?!” and you cried out nervously. You hadn’t even seen his face in good lighting and you didn't know his name so you’d basically be fucking a complete stranger which scared you enough as it is but the fact that that stranger held you at gunpoint merely a week prior is what scared you shitless.

In the limited time that he gave you, you decided to freshen up a bit so you hopped in the shower. Your first shower in a few days after your psychotic state worsened. Humming in bliss, you relished in the feeling of the scalding water flowing over your skin as you took your time washing , shaving, and singing, in an attempt to rid yourself of the horrendous nerves that overtook your senses. After reluctantly stepping out of the steamy oasis, you’d decided on a white lingerie set you had gotten yourself for christmas but never got to wear for anyone because your significant other was always “working” or too tired/busy to take the time of day for you. Pairing the set with a matching white silk robe and not bothering to wear any shoes because you’re in your own house, you slicked your lips in a thick coat of gloss and applied some mascara and eyeliner to your tired eyes just to spruce up a bit. You figured, if you put effort into your appearance, then maybe he’d spare your life after the sex. You stared at yourself in the mirror, tying your robe, smacking your glossed lips together and ogling your appearance before a soft knocking was heard from the living room. “He’s here” you told yourself with a deep shaky breath as you vacated the bathroom and slowly ventured toward the door.

You stood silently before the front door, contemplating whether this was a mistake or if it was too late to turn back. As much as you hated to admit, there was no logical solution to your problem that was in compliance with any standing laws. Heck, what you were doing was probably illegal in everywhere but Las Vegas so you had no other choice than to twist the handle, open the door and stare up at the most alluring man you had ever laid eyes on. You ran your eyes all over his body, studying him, his features, his gorgeous eyes, impeccable nose, plush lips, smooth hair, and strong arms that lead to a presumed strong chest hidden under his plain white tee. He noticed you blatantly checking him out to which he placed a finger on your chin, lifting your face up so your eyes met and making you watch as he rolled his bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it for a moment. Oh how you wished that was your lip.

“You ready little dove?” he asked, his tone seductive and smooth like chocolate as he walked closer to you, closing the door behind him and backing you up until you stood patiently before the couch staring up at him, a wistful glint in your eyes as you nodded. He reached up, using a finger to push your robe off of your right shoulder and cocking his head quizzically. “All dressed up just for me?” he pondered, his eyes trained on the white lace peeking out from under the robe. You nodded, to which he gripped your chin roughly, furrowing his eyebrows at your response. “Use your words sweetheart” he warned, loosening his grip so you could speak in affirmation.

“Yes…” your voice trailed off, thinking of what to call him, as you still didn’t know his name, so you addressed him as you would any man you didn’t know, “yes, sir. I dressed up just for you” you concluded, your voice barely greater than a whisper as the corners of his lips turned up. He let out an animalistic growl at the name you gave for him, obviously satisfied and moved his hand from your chin to grip the back of your neck promptly.

“It’s Jungkook, but sir will do nicely” he basically growled before latching onto your lips with carnal aggressiveness. You whined heartily into his mouth as his tongue slipped deftly into yours and intertwined with yours, causing your mind to fall into a haze as he coiled his arm around your waist, bringing your body flush against his toned frame. You reached up with shaky hands, fumbling with his shirt, eager to get it off of him and gaze upon the expanse of his abdomen. His lips detached for a moment, giving you the chance to pull his shirt over his head, which he gladly obliged and lifted his hands over his head, swiftly resuming their positions when his shirt formed a pile on the floor beside you. You leaned back in, attempting to capture his lips in another phenomenal kiss but he pulled back, leaving you to chase him and whine when you ultimately lose, to which he laughs mischievously, taking his hands off of your body and toying with the silk tie on the front of your robe.

“How do you want it baby?” he pondered, the new nickname sending shivers down your spine as you glanced at him quizzically, as if asking what he meant. He chuckled softly, tugging at the ribbon and opening your robe as he brought his hands up, carefully sliding it down your arms and bending down so his face was level with your collarbone. He placed a gentle kiss there, leaving fire in the wake of his lips as he spoke, his breath cooling the seared flesh, “would you like me to be gentle?” he asked leaving more hot kisses along the expanse of your shoulder and neck, drawing salacious sounds from your parted lips as he brought his hand up to rest at the base of your neck. “Or…” he paused, sliding his hand up and increasing the intensity of his grip on your throat, restricting the blood flow to your brain as your mind became hazy and your eyes rolled into the back of your head. “Do you want me to be rough?” he continued, lifting his head to watch your face as he loosened his grip. “It’s your choice little dove.”

You were elated, ecstatic and a little disappointed when he loosened his grip on your neck. Your ex was always into sex that lindered toward the vanilla side, as mentioned before, so he would never think to try anything like choking, which always intrigued you just a little bit. You wished you would have experienced other styles of love before you met him but you didn't, and this was your chance to try them out now. Your fingers travelled up, lightly grazing over that hand that was tightly wrapped around your neck. Whining quietly you rolled your bottom lip between your teeth, biting it softly as your other hand came up and wrapped around Jungkook’s forearm.

“I wanna try it rough” you mumbled, eyes closing as you relished in the hazy feeling this restriction gave you which only heightened as he tightened his grip.

“Perfect.” he groaned out almost inaudibly as he pulled your face to his, colliding your lips in the roughest, most passion filled kiss you’d ever experienced. He devoured your mouth with gluttonous amusement, his grip on your airway never wavering for a moment as he tongued you down, his carnal need prevalent and present in the thick air of the room. You reached up, completing a task you’d been wanting to do for days, tangling your hand in the messy black mass that fell upon his head, and relishing in the soft feeling of his waves. Then he detached from your lips and moved away, forcing your hands to fall from his hair and onto his broad shoulders, which, while pleasurable to touch, didn’t even come close to frolicking your fingers through his locks. He moved his hand from your neck to your shoulder, to which you whined with a small pout, missing the new contact as he chuckled at your eagerness. He stared at your lips, before leaning down and capturing your bottom lip between his teeth, biting down on it voraciously before he spoke. “Do you want me to put this slutty little mouth of yours to use little dove?” he asked, pulling back as if waiting for an answer, to which you obliged.

“Yes sir” You answered quite honestly in fact, as you felt all your hesitation and weariness about this task slip away. “Please put my mouth to use.” you pleaded, staring up at him, a wanton expression on your soft features.

“You’re so good for me .” he whispered, his soft breath fanning your face as you nodded in agreement, “such an obedient little dove, hmm?” he asked, to which you nodded once again, a bit more frantically this time as you awaited his cue. He used the hand on your shoulder to abruptly push you down with a small yelp so you were seated on the black leather couch behind you, the colder leather contrasting the burning lust in your entire body as you looked up at him. “Get to work slut.” Your eyes widened at the name. Maybe it was supposed to be an insult or he just liked calling you that but you couldn’t help the gargantuan wave of slick that coated your panties at the moment.

You looked down, a bit above eye level with his crotch as you reached up to palm him through his faded blue jeans. His scent was tantalizing, musky, and you couldn't get enough as you stared up at him through your eyelashes, your lips slightly parted as you gazed in awe. He gave you a warning glance, as if scolding you for teasing him for this long and you unzipped his pants. He held out his hand, as if to stop you before reaching behind his pants and pulling his gun from the back of his jeans. Your eyes widened, gaze now trained on the firearm in his hand, a horrified expression on your face as you ceased all actions. Which he noticed, peering down at you, a horrifying smile etched on his godlike features as he opened his mouth to speak.

“Relax darling, I won’t kill you,” he purred, reaching down and weaving the fingers of his free hand into the roots of your hair, grabbing and pulling back roughly so you have no other choice but to meet his dark eyes. “We’re only just getting started.” he lowered the gun, pressing the muzzle into the underside of your jaw, the cold metal like ice against your scalding skin. However, you felt no need to cry, felt no need to fear for your life even as this gun was pressed to your neck, aimed to kill, because you knew he wouldn’t do it. Through the dark facade and ominous gaze in his eyes there was something else that made you trust his inability to kill you. You realized you were enjoying the thrill, the excitement of putting your life in his hands. So, you did what any crazy bitch would do in this situation, you breathed out deeply, relaxing your shoulders and slouching yourself down to push your neck further onto the tip of the gun with a mischievous smile. Jungkook stared down at you in awe, running his tongue on the inside of his cheek and taking his gun off of your neck before tossing it over to the end of the couch behind you.

Resuming your actions with a shaky breath, you tugged his pants down until they fell to his ankles and placed your hands on the sides of his underwear clad hips. You might’ve been inexperienced in his style of fucking but you sure knew how to give a good blowjob, so you got to work, placing open mouthed kisses to his clothed appendage. You looked up at him once more seeing the lust clouded haze that filled his deep brown eyes. After a bit of teasing, you hooked your fingers in the waistband of his underwear, pulling it down in a seductively slow manner as you allowed his needy cock to spring free, and you stared up at it with a gasp.

It was huge.

You didn’t really know what qualifies as huge because the only dick you’ve ever had was around 6 inches on a good day but this alluring appendage swinging before your face had to be at least 9 inches long and you wondered how the fuck you were going to fit it all in your mouth let alone your pussy, which was already aching for it. Your mouth involuntarily opened wider in anticipation of his delicious dick inside and you grabbed the base, with two hands, drawing a hiss from the man that stood over you as he kicked off his shoes and the rest of the clothing that pooled around his feet. You licked teasingly up the sides of his dick, stopping at the tip to swirl your tongue around it, and catching some salty precum when you did. You glanced up at him and he looked absolutely furious in the best sort of way. Frustrated to the max as you teased him mercilessly, only spending meere fleeting moments at the spots which needed the most attention.

Then he snapped, taking you by surprise and using his hand that was still tangled in your hair to hold you still while he shoved his cock in your mouth. You tried to gasp but it merely came out as a small strangled whimper that was cut off as his length reached that back of your throat. You moved your hands to the sides of his hips once again, bracing yourself as he slowly pulled his member out of your mouth, most likely winding up for another thrust. He propelled his hips forward once again, stuffing not nearly all of his cock into your mouth, as his tip grazed the back of your throat. The feeling of him completely filling your mouth had you livid, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you moaned, the vibrations reverberating onto his appendage which drew a salacious moan from his plush parted pink lips.

“Fuck, your mouth feels like heaven.” he moaned out, then he started to fuck your face, tears pooling in your eyes while his dick basically hit the back of your throat with every harsh stroke of his hips as he gripped on your hair tighter. After one particularly hard thrust, he held his length down your throat as tears rolled down your cheeks and you gagged around him. He took his cock out of your mouth, to which you gasped, swallowing the spit that pooled in your mouth with an aroused groan.

“Tastes so good.” you mumbled, not possibly being able to get enough as he shoved his cock back into your mouth and fucked your throat relentlessly. The tension building in you was too much to bear and your need to cum only heightened as his actions resumed. You arched your back slightly, pushing your clothed clit into the black leather cushions of the couch as you gyrated into it slowly, praying he wouldn’t notice and would be too invested in fucking your throat to realize.

You were wrong. He noticed immediately.

He halted all movements, taking his cock from your throat and grabbing your neck harshly, to which you gasped, whimpering as he pulled you up to stand in front of him, cock slapping the front of your body as you stared at his face in anticipation of his actions. You could imagine what you looked like right now swollen glossy lips, and tear stains running down your face because you didn’t bother to wear your waterproof mascara. You never needed it any other time so you figured why would you need it now. Oh how wrong you were.

“Dirty little dove, trying to get off on the couch because you want me that bad?” he rasped, nearing closer to your face with each word and you nodded frantically, basically begging him to do something, anything. “Words” he barked, drawing a cry from your lips as you thought of what to say.

“I want your cock, please sir.” you begged, before he groaned hungrily and captured your lips in a ravenous kiss, taking you by surprise. No one had ever kissed you after they’d fucked your throat before so why would he do it. You didn’t dwell on that thought for too long before melting into his touch and wrapping your arms around his neck. Jungkook took his free hand, trailing it around your body to unclasp the back of your bra, your eyes going wide at the skillful ease of his fingers. He snatched the white lace clothing off of your frame, tossing it to the other side of the room and reaching back up to cup one of your soft breasts in his hand, flicking the nipple with his index finger and making you sigh satisfactorily into his mouth. He leaned forward, taking you with him as he lowered both of you back onto the couch, settling himself between your newly opened legs and never breaking the kiss. He unlatched his hand from your neck, trailing it down your body as the other hand continued to knead your breast skillfully. His burning touch slowly ventured further and further down your abdomen until he reached the band of your panties and abruptly tore the thin while lace from your body to your dismay and discarding it on the floor beside him. You whined sadly, as those had been your favorite pair of underwear but barely had any sort of time to grieve as you felt two rough fingers dip into the wetness of your slit, trailing them up and stopping right over the spot you needed him to be at, pulling a moan from your still swollen lips.

He began kissing a trail down your body, stopping for a mere moment to suck on the pert bud of your free breast before resuming his path of destruction. He moved his hands to settle on the inner sides of your thighs, spreading them apart and sighing as he got a glimpse of the treasure between them. Your eyes widened upon realizing his destination as you scooched away, holding a handful of his tousled black hair in an attempt to grab his attention.

“I-…” you paused, chewing on your bottom lip and thinking of how to word your statement. “i’ve never asked anyone to do that for me before, so y- you don’t have to do it.” you stuttered wearily as the nerves set in. No one’s face had ever been remotely close to your womanhood and the thought of it sent a chill down your spine as you released his hair from your grasp. You wondered what it would even be like. He glanced up at you, eyes dilated as he chuckled, a dark chuckle that made you shiver as he tightened his grip on your thighs, yanking you closer to his face and taking a deep drag of your scent once you were close enough.

“Oh baby I want to” he basically moaned out, licking his lips and glancing down at your glistening slit, the corners of his lips turning up in a hungry smile. You raised an eyebrow, asking yourself ‘why the fuck would he want to do that?’, and ‘isn’t this for my pleasure?’, but all your concerns were answered once he spoke again. “I can’t wait to make you writhe on my tongue little dove” he muttered, causing your cheeks to burn with the intensity of a thousand suns as he talked into your soaking entrance. “... make you beg and cry without even using my cock.” he continued, releasing your left thigh from his grip as he placed a hand on your pubic mound, lowering his thumb and slowly beginning to circle your clit eliciting a loud wail from you. “You think, if I had the power to turn you into a messy little whore all for me just by using my mouth, I wouldn’t use it at any chance I could?” He asked and you whined, nodding as your hips stuttered up in desperate need of more friction. “It’s all about power baby, and I have it all here” he groaned, watching you clench pathetic around nothing.

Then, he finally gave you what you wanted. His hand resumed its grip on your thigh, forcing it away from the other as his thumb was swiftly replaced by his warm tongue licking up and down your wet sex. You moaned, placing your shaky hands on the mounds of your chest, toying with your nipples just to add to the pleasurable sensations he was creating with his tongue. This feeling was unlike any ecstasy you had ever felt and you never wanted it to stop. His tongue slipped deftly into your soaked entrance twisting and turning skillfully as you keened loudly. His warm wet appendage swirling around your wet cavern was the best feeling in the entire world and you knew if he continued ravaging you at this pace, you’d cum in no time. But, you needed this release. You needed to let go of all this pent up sexual frustration you didn’t even know you harbored. You needed to experience your first orgasm in months, if not years, that wasn’t self inflicted and you hoped and prayed with all your heart that it would come soon.

He switched his focus,, moving his tongue up to play with your aching clit and slipping two fingers into your formerly empty hole with a deep groan that reverberated through your core like a powerful vibrator which only intensified your moans and cries of pleasure. You looked down on yourself to see the delicious sight of him devouring your cunt ruthlessly, the sight alone almost tipping you over the edge as you brought your hands up, covering your eyes while you neared completion.

“Jungkook you’re gonna make me cum.” you called out, an exasperated cry leaving your lips when your impending orgasm was painfully ripped away from you as all his motion stopped. You uncovered your eyes, about to stare down when your body jolted, a harsh sting being felt directly on your clit, sending a wave of warmth barreling through your entire body. Then you understood, he slapped you, and you peered down at him, your eyes glassy due to the orgasm that was ripped from your grasp.

“Who? said you can cum.” he deadpanned menacingly, staring up at you through hooded eyes as you leaned your head back tiredly, realizing the error in your words and prepared to beg, just like he said you would.

“Sir” you cried, holding your arms limply over your head as you continued to plead. “Sir please, please make me cum.” you begged mercilessly, a tear of relief sliding down your cheek as he resumed his assault on your core, attacking at a steady pace and retrieving the all too familiar knot that formed in the pit of your stomach. You reached up, grabbing the edge of the couch with an iron grip, your knuckles turning white as your hips began circling on his face, your clit rubbing against his tongue with every movement and venturing you closer to your sweet release.”Please don’t stop sir, oh my god” you whined loudly, fucking his face relentlessly as you chased your high, nearing it more and more with each thrust of your hips until he finally pushed you off the brink of ecstasy, a scream leaving your lips as Jungkook continued his unrelenting attack on your pained pussy.

You rode out your high, writhing and panting before him, his pace never faltering, his fingers never slowing, his tongue never relenting and it soon became too much. The euphoric delirium quickly turned into madness as you barreled down the path into overstimulation. You wailed pathetically, thrashing under his hold as the pleasurable pain consumed your body and you could barely form a coherent sentence but you persevered, scraping all the coherent thoughts you could muster and turning them into tangible words that sat on the tip of your tongue, ready to be spoken. “Sir please, it's too much!” you cried to which Jungkook finally let up, slowing his pace to a halt and sitting back.

“Oh my god that was so fucking hot” he growled before sucking on his glossy fingers and cleaning around his mouth with his skilled tongue as he gazed amusedly upon your exhausted body. But he was nowhere near done with you. This fact made apparent when he stood and wrapped an arm around your hip, lifting your limp body and turning you over with ease, positioning you so your face was pressed into the now warm couch cushion and your ass was raised high into the air before him. His eyes rolled at the view of your swollen cunt bent over for him and he gave it a light smack, eliciting a pained, but tired yelp from you as he chuckled muttering “you’re going to drive me crazy little dove.” under his breath.

He crouched down, coming face to lips with your abused cunt as he wrapped his arms around your bent bottom, lacing his fingers together as they rested at the arch of your back and dragging his nose up the tortured path of your slit, drawing whines and cries of overstimulation from your wiggling frame as you tried to get away from the punishing menace that was his face. “No, please. I can't take anymore, it's too much.” You whimpered, your voice muffled as you leaned your face into the couch tiredly to which he obliged, reluctantly, as he stood, grabbing his neglected dick in hand and pointing it toward your pink entrance.

“I can’t wait to stretch your pretty little pussy ____.” he purred and you moaned at the sound of your name slipping off of his tongue like the creamiest butter. He dragged his tip along your swollen clit, abusing it again for what seemed like the millionth time that day as he covered his girth in your slick, a guttural groan emitting from the back of his throat. Then, abruptly, he sunk into your slippery cavern, barely all the way in but you’d never felt so full in your entire life as he pushed forward slowly, filling you up and providing you with the most delicious stretch you’d ever felt. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you whined, a desperate whine that you could barely register was your own voice as he pushed his length completely inside of you, his head falling back and your name, rolling off of his tongue once again.

After barely giving you time to adjust to his alarming size, he reeled his hips back before slamming into you again, and again, and again, over and over again until he was fucking you at an unrelenting speed you barely knew was possible to achieve. Suffering from the overwhelming pleasure he forced you to endure, you shut your eyes tight, crying out in strangled indulgence as you grasped onto the fluffy throw blanket strewn lazily over the couch in front of you. You relished in the sting of his girth, staring ahead blankly with glassy eyes as he rammed into you with a punishing speed and black mascara filled tears streamed down your cheeks.

You knew you were about to cum soon, again, only due to the all too familiar feeling accumulating in the pit of your belly. Jungkook reached down, placing a hand on your shoulder blade and pressing your chest further into the couch while he drilled into you, moaning and cursing at the feeling of you flexing deliciously around his cock. He felt you were close, so he moved his hand, snaking it around your waist and trailing his other hand to assume its position around your neck, hoisting you up so your back was arched against his abdomen and you had no choice but to stare up at him as he talked down on you, never slowing the snapping of his hips for a wavering moment.

“You’ve never been fucked this good have you?” he teased through clenched teeth as he leaned down, sucking and marking all over the expanse of your neck with grunts and growls of pleasure. You were way too fucked out to even think about the words to form a coherent sentence, barely being able to form whimpered versions of ‘mhm’ after he questioned you but he was having none of that. He unraveled his hand from your waist, tightening his grip on your throat and landing a hard slap to your left asscheek, drawing a shrill shriek from the depths of your throat as he warned in your ear. “Words little dove” he slapped you again, “how many times do I have to fucking warn you.” he concluded, landing another harsh smack to your abused flesh as you whimpered.

“You’re the best I’ve ever had, I’m such a slut for you sir.” You sobbed out, “please let me cum, please fuck” you whined, drawing out your words and you reached back, tangling both hands in his unruly mop of hair as he split you open, moaning directly in your ear which in itself, was a thing that could make you cum on the spot.

“Cum then.” He said obviously, as if it was the most simple response, only it was this simple command that shoved you off the precipice of ecstasy for a second time. The feeling that bloomed deep in your stomach soon blossomed into a full blown orgasm that racked through your body quickly, leaving nothing but white hot pleasure in its wake as your legs trembled viciously, with one last loud cry of Jungkook’s name. But, he still did not falter, his pace quickening as he neared his own climax, the speed both too much and not nearly enough at the same time. You reached back, attempting to push him and escape the all consuming pleasure torturing your body like a blazing fire but your hands were caught quickly by Jungkook’s hands which crossed them tightly and held them behind your back, resuming his attack.

You shook your head, letting it hang as your tears fell freely onto the couch before you, his moans and groans of ecstasy increasing in volume and frequency as he neared his own climax, his hips faltering in their pace for the first time in a while as he worked to his own release. In what seemed like an instant, he released the most beautiful, salacious, strangled moan you had ever heard, pulling himself out of your soaked cunt, and painting the surface of your ass with his white hot ropes of cum. He finally let you go after a moment, watching as you fell limply to the couch, laying face down, panting exhaustively, your arms still crossed limply behind your back as he smirked down at your fucked out frame. He left you alone for just a bit, coming back but a few moments later before you felt the sore skin of your asscheeks being wiped off with what felt like a warm hand towel. You were relieved he had the respect to clean his mess, it made you respect him just a little bit more as a person but you were way too tired to dwell on the subject any longer.

“You did so good for me little dove” he cooed, his voice softer than you’d ever heard it as he placed a sweet chaste kiss on your lower back, caressing his hand up the side of your body. A simple touch that lacked any sort of sexual aspects, it felt comforting and you sighed, leaning further into the soft couch as you heard him begin to put his clothing on. You felt a pang of distress, seeing as you were more of a fuck and cuddle kind of girl, but you really hadn’t expected him to stay so why’d you feel the need to ask him to. Pushing the feeling deep inside your gut, you sighed deeply as he walked in front of you to bend forward and grab his gun that laid discarded on the opposite side of your couch, also grabbing the throw blanket beside it and tossing it over your naked frame before thinking about something. “So,” he started, tucking his gun in the back of his pants and humming, “I’m thinking that was worth about, hmm 50k” he started. You vaguely understood what he was saying and knew you’d flip out once you were conscious enough to truly comprehend his words. “I’ll keep in touch.” He said, pulling his shirt down and smiling deviously at you as you uttered a hoarse ‘huh?’ To which he answered simply, “if I wanna come collect some more money” and he spun on his heels, opening your door and sauntering out of the threshold.

When he got into the hallway, Jungkook burst into a wide smile, satisfied with the encounter he made today. He entered this agreement fully prepared to either fuck you once and take the money you’d earned back or just fuck you and kill you, but once he’d had a taste, he was insatiable. You were flawless, your compliance was impeccable. The way you obeyed him, begged for him, the way you tasted, the way you felt, the way you looked. There was no way he could ever get enough and is probably the reason he kept overstimulating you like a frat boy with a bruised ego. There was no way he was gonna just let go of an absolute gem like you, so he made his excuse, a plan. Everytime you fuck him, you pay back a portion of the money. He was so tempted to tell you this session was only worth $100 just as an excuse to come back over and over and over until he had his fill, but he kept his composure, giving you hope that you’d ever be free of his grasp. Jungkook for once was extremely ecstatic, elated, excited to ruin you even more than he already had and he was dead set on making you want him just as much as he craved you no matter what it took. Though he was pretty sure you already did.

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Hi Bee, I hope you’ve been doing well and been taking care of yourself! 🥰💜

So, I have a question and because you’re always so good at sharing your wisdom, I thought I might ask you. Since graduating from university, my path has been really up and down so I spent time focusing on applying for jobs and then reconnecting with my family after not seeing them properly for a few years, as they live in a different country. Then the pandemic hit and I basically saw no one apart from my family for two years. Then I came back to the city where I studied and now work. I’m a lawyer, so my job is really all-consuming. I’ve been in this job for just over a year and I feel like all I’ve been doing is working. I feel like I’ve lost myself. I don’t even know where to start because it feels like I can’t even make commitment to hobbies or people in case I’ll have to change things around for work. I really want a romantic partner and I’d love to fill my life with more things I enjoy. But I’m just so tired by the time it comes to the weekend and I usually have to work during it too. I live alone and barely see anyone outside of work anymore. I don’t even know what to do because my job is so high pressure and all-consuming but I’m also so devoid of joy in my life. I need to make changes but I don’t even know where to start when I’m so exhausted. Sorry that was a roundabout ramble. Anyway, thank you for giving me this space and I hope you have a wonderful weekend. 💜💜💜

As someone who just quit their own job because it wasn’t working with the life I want to live, I have many thoughts! Feel free to take whatever is useful to you and leave the rest.

1. The first few years after graduating from school were the hardest years of my life. And I hear that sentiment echoed from many people going through it now as well, especially with the pandemic and everything that has been happening in the last two years. So it is totally normal that it has been hard and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Establishing a career and figuring out how to live your life on your own as an adult is very challenging! It makes sense that you are exhausted!!

2. When I was first starting out in my career, I thought that I had to take everything on myself. That I had to do everything perfectly and respond to every email and take on every additional responsibility I was offered. I didn’t want to ask for any help because I didnt want them to think I couldn’t do the job. But then I started to forget things and miss deadlines because I was just doing too much and my boss actually pulled me aside and was like “you have to ask for help if you need it” and I had never realized that was option!

3. Related to point #2, when I was starting out, I thought that if I drew boundaries around what work I would do or what time I would spend at work, that people would value me more for being such a hard worker. But as I’ve advanced in my career, I discovered that setting clear boundaries with people, like “i’m not going to answer emails on the weekend” or “if it’s urgent you need to come talk to me instead of email me” actually then made me respect me more. Like they would be a bit bothered about it at first but they would live with it and work around it and I would do my job better, which is what really made more valuable. So don’t be afraid to say no sometimes or draw some boundaries around the less valuable parts of your job.

4. In contemplating my own career goals, I recently read Daniel Pink’s book Drive and found it super useful. He talks about how people need three things from their jobs to feel energized and motivated: 1. Autonomy over their task, time, technique, and team 2. Mastery - the feeling of being good at what you do/able to improve over time 3. Purpose - connection to why your work is meaningful. In my own job, the thing that was really missing was autonomy over my time and task. In the book, he actually specifically calls out lawyers as having a poor relationships with their work because the construct of the billable hour prevents them from having autonomy over their time. But one could have all of these things at work and still be burnt out if the workload is just too much.

5. It may be good idea to ask directly if there is any way to reduce your workload. Most employers would rather retain the employees they have than try to find and hire new people and may be more willing to negotiate than you think.

6. Try to find something that brings you joy and is entirely yours. For me, this is writing about BTS, but anything joyous and creative would work. It doesn’t matter if you only have a couple of hours a month for it, because there’s no expectations. Dont fall into the trap of thinking that hobbies are only valuable if you do them consistently or perfectly. If it makes you happy and gives you a break, it’s worth it.

I hope you find some peace and rest soon! 💜