#(i'm actually doing a bit of that here... idek it just. feels sometimes like people don't like recognize these things about me)

[ryker-writes]

Hey! Just wanted to say congrats on 1.2k(Such a big number!) And I wanted to do the match thing!

 • My likes: I enjoy a good fantasy book, disney movies, fall/autumn weather, also lately I've been looking into fahsion a bit more, baggy and/or comfortable clothes(was this part necessary? idk🤷‍♀️) , and sweets!

 • My dislikes: Rude people, Peas🤮, the gym, and romance/rom-com movies(I don't have much dislikes tbh)

 • Hobbies: Drawing, writing, I've also been looking into crocheting lately!

 • Physical or personality preferences: I don't have much of a preference on physical things, maybe someone taller than me, but if they're not that's perfectly ok! For personality I'd prefer someone with good humor and is also kind hearted. Someone who would listen to me ramble about my likes and hobbies and/or dislikes. They know how to have a good time and can cheer anyone up.

 • My love languages: DEFINITELY words of affirmation (and physical touch some also, although idek how to react when someone hugs me lol)

I hope you have a splendid day!

Thank you so much! It is a big number and it's kind of intimidating but I'm so grateful for the support!

"Cloudy darling! Welcome in! Sorry it's taken me so long to get to your request. I had a few lined up before you but fear not! I'm here now with your matchup.

Congratulations! You're one of the rare people I feel would do well with Rook!"

I'm gonna be honest, I had a pretty strong feeling of Rook just after reading your likes and it only got stronger as I kept reading. It's hard to fully explain why, but I just think you two fit together well! :3

as someone who loves to find the beauty in all things, Rook absolutely loves you

he loves talking about stories with you and looking at aesthetics and fashion together

whenever he sees a particularly interesting outfit or anything he'll ask you what you think about it

he loves to hear your takes on things

but most of all, he thinks you're so beautiful and his favorite person to look at

Rook is someone who is very observant and will take great care to avoid your dislikes

there will be NO peas on your plate. Ever.

you have such creative hobbies and Rook finds that so beautiful

each of your hobbies create something new, something beautiful, something you and he loves it

the king of listening to you ramble

he will basically memorize everything you tell him and he loves that you can ramble to him, and he will ramble to you too

Rook is actually pretty good at cheering people up! He somehow is able to always find the right words that someone needs in that moment and has no problem telling them...although sometimes in a cryptic way

the king of words of affirmation

Rook could go on for literal days on how amazing you are and how much he loves you

please stop him for everyone else's sake

[demoniccak-e]

listen i'm listening to purpose is glorious rn so i'm sad but whenever i say that good omens is my silly show i mean that in the way that i just need that in my life. like that silly show has kept me here for so long and i literally see the world differently bc of it

but like i constantly rewatch good omens and every single time i notice something new. it's as if rereading a book and you find a line that you missed that changes the entire scene. for example: when their in the cafe in season 2 in the background i believe it's bohemian rhapsody being played in a classical way. and there's the part where nina tells crowley that "you like that person. you do. that's what you've been feeling." and like i forget to keep that in mind that he realized that and as he walks down the stairs and he's looking curiously at him- it's sort of a look of confusion and then when he's looking out the window and watches him, and when he enters the bookshop and when he runs up to him i think that he's thinking: "i do like this person. and i though i knew everything i needed to about him, and yet he always surprises me." and also (one more I just really wanted to share this little bit of what i'm always thinking idek if anyone would read this) that line with jim, the line about "I feel, like, and empty house. (...) A house of someone who lived there for a long time, but now their gone, but the house can sort of tell where the things used to be- like when i remembered how it all began." and my first thought was terry pratchett.

no because like thats just from season two, whenever i think of season one i think of a lot of things. i think about the way that aziraphale was always so delighted to meet him after long, long, gaps. like they just- don't lose that familiarity with each other. and that like in eden, when aziraphale first met crawly now, and like they just clicked again. but a part of me is saying that maybe they didn't always talk the way that they did as angels. that maybe they weren't particularly friends but more like people who meet up sometimes to talk about the stars yk more like business partners because crowley later says the line "how long have we been friends? six thousand years!" and in season two he says "we've been talking for millions of years. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah." and those little bits just make me explode. (i would give other mentions like vinylatte (nina & maggie) or ineffable bureaucracy (beez & gabriel) or mutt & spouse ((i call them andrew bc that's the actors name)) or like anathema and newt but then i'd be here all day and no one actually wants to know all that.

another thing is how much they relate to songs. how i have literally connected so many songs to them whether it's queen, hozier, boygenius, noah kahan, big theif, adrianne lenker, the oh hellos, olivia rodrigo, whether it's instrumental music i can literally connect it to good omens somehow. like i have wrote so many song connections and essays (not posted anywhere but in my notes app giggles) and like it's literally what i think about. whenever i'm in class and listening to music and thinking of silly things they could be doing, or whether i'm at home walking around like a mad man thinking of them. ITS THEM IN MY HEAD IT'S JST THE ENTIRETY OF GGOD OMENS.

one last thing is the way that they help me view the world, like they have actually taught me so many things, it's insane. like with adam and crowley, he taught me that i don't actually have to be what is expected of me. and aziraphale (oh my god he's actually the best thing that has happened to me btw and that kiss scene hurt as well as healed me a wee bit) taught me how like- sometimes you can't run away. sometimes you have to face whats in front of you and take it. and he's also taught me to look between the lines, to look between the wedges of what people say. what i mean by that is, yeah crowley's the demon, the rule breaker, but like aziraphale also bends the rules in ways that are managable for him. he gives away his sword because it was to prioritize someone else that was important. that was important to god. (which is something that i desperatly would also like to talk about but once again we'd be here all day) furfur also has taught me something that i literally did not know i needed to hear but that your worth should not be measured by how productive you are. (I LOVE FURFUR SO DAMN MUCH.)

anyways thats my thought on my silly little shows i love these silly people they are the best thing that happened to me thank you neil for being a goofy man and go through a phase where you wore sunglasses inside so that terry pratchett could add that into crowley and thank you terry pratchett for creating agnes nutter because she is awesome

[yesterdayiwrote]

Obviously not super important, but curious nonetheless it seems like Merc haven’t done a Christmas Party this year. I don’t know what is going on with that team.

So... I'm a notorious work Xmas party avoider so I might not be the best source here but actually... I don't really find it weird that they're not having an Xmas party? (If that's the case, I genuinely know nothing)

I think it's a bit of a myth that every workplace has a generic christmas party every year, especially in larger workplaces. I know mine has different arrangements every year. Sometimes there's there's big party, sometimes smaller, other times each department or team just organises their own christmas meal and that's it. Organising something for all... thousand+(???) factory staff feels like a logistical nightmare so I'm not surprised if they only do it every few years?

Idek if they had one last year. I think it sounds shitty in theory, but perhaps they've decided to put the money they would use in to use in another way? I know some places are favouring Xmas bonuses in lieu of parties, especially in the cost of living crisis. I mean, you have the choice between your work paying £50 per head for a party that you have to spend out of pocket for an outfit and travel to attend, or them just giving you the £50 cash, or a perk of similar value... I think a lot of people would probably take the latter?

I don't think it's the end of the world if they're not... provided they're doing something for the staff at least?

EDIT: I've also just remembered that teams have to do a mandatory shutdown over Xmas this year from the 23rd-2nd so that could possibly be why teams may be doing things differently this year?

[misdre]

i rarely derive character headcanons from my own life but here's one (which @kinomiya told me to post. dunno how seriously. but i did it)

whenever max is outside japan, so like for the first 10+ years of his life at least, he has to deal with nobody knowing how to spell or pronounce his surname. all day long. every day. when he gets a bit older he becomes extremely self-conscious about it because "mizuhara" is so long and sits so poorly in any non-japanese-speaker's mouth, plus it feels like just the name alone plastered anywhere is like automatically revealing something private about him to anyone who sees it because it immediately reveals he's not just your regular white american. but he's very white-passing which adds an extra layer of confusion for people who see it in connection to his face and he feels like he always has to explain himself, which he doesn't want to do because it's a pretty humiliating experience in the first place to feel like you have to somehow explain your existence to other people all the time.

so he usually opts out to introduce himself as just max. like when he meets someone new who shakes his hand and introduces themselves by full name. he's like "i'm …..max :)" or if he does end up saying his surname too, it always seems to carry too much weight, and he pronounces it too carefully because somehow he wants it to sound authentically japanese instead of like an english-speaker saying a japanese name half-assedly because idek. (i mean, hdek. he doesn't even know)

when he attends school in the states, he gets idiotic comments on the name from other students. stuff like HOW CAN THERE BE THAT MANY SYLLABLES IN A NAME LOLOLOL. only teachers can actually tell it's japanese. generally people ignore it though, maybe to avoid making awkward generalisations

in the era of snail mail still being a thing, he's received mail with all sorts of variations. the most "interesting" ones are letters from his american relatives that feature some abomination of the name and he has to wonder how even his cousins can't be bothered to check it. or ask. he suspects the relatives too are a bit embarrassed about not knowing how to spell it. (as for how they would actually misspell it, i don't really have ideas ready because, i'm not an english speaker so i can't actually put it together in my brain how a native might spell mizuhara by ear. do share your ideas)

but it's a pain in the ass for even himself to spell sometimes. every time he makes a typo while typing it, he feels a special kind of shame for it because it's like, even i can't write my own fucking name, and what if someone saw that just now. it's much faster in japanese of course, just two kanji. but, and this is another headcanon, max isn't as accustomed to writing japanese so especially after not using it in a long time, it takes a couple of very embarrassing seconds to switch the alphabet gear in his brain.

and. well this one max may take better than i personally do. the knowledge that there very likely isn't anyone else in the world with the same name. being unique is cool and all but there comes a point when you just feel too singled out. also, fitting in one culture/community with your first name, and a different one with your surname, but never both at the same time. it's simultaneously cool and mentally and socially crippling.

that's it. that's the headcanon

[roci-wolf]

ROCI IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO REPLY I FORGOT 😭😭😭

but okay lemme go one by one by what i remember from what you said

i’m so sorry you’ve been going through a hard time. it isn’t easy when you feel like your mental health is failing. i know firsthand how hard it can be. but i’m so so proud of you for working on yourself and your mental health. and i’m glad you decided to take a break for yourself. i hope the break has been fruitful!

and gosh i’m so sorry about your bunny :( it can’t be easy. my cats go play around away from the garden for a bit and i freak out when i don’t see them around. so i can’t imagine how terrible it must be.

but AHHHHH NEW KITTYYYYYY!!!! so excited!!! did you get the kitty already? what’d you name it? what kind of cat is it??? heheh i love cats and i’m so excited for you!!

i’m proud you’re working on your self esteem and i get that sometimes the stuff we want comfort from most tend to become the most stressful because we’re in a bad place and the magic and comfort just doesn’t feel the same and it just… ultimately feels worse cause it feels like you lost something very important to you :(

but i hope slowly you can return. i miss seeing you on here and i miss your lil asks and your opinions on my random posts jshdjsjdjsk but no pressure! take your time and i hope you feel better soon 💛💛💛 and i’ll be here~ with a bunch of comfort fics if you wanna ever read em hehe

nooo don't worry, i don't frequently check my notifs anyway so i didn't notice 😭

yeah, my biggest problem was getting out of survival mode, i am the avoidant type of person so it's very hard for me to deal with anything in my life that's out of my comfort zone, but i finally stepped up and started to figure things out. ofc it's still hard and because i've been focusing solely on survival for so long i don't really know what i want from life anymore?? but i am proud i can at least relax a bit more and i can give time to myself to think and reflect. thank you for the words~ you're so kind

yeah, i kinda got used to the idea that i'll never see my bunny again and i'm consoling myself with the thought that she's in a much better place now and that she's hopping happily without my cat bothering her lol 💗

unfortunately smth came up so i can't pick up the cat yet. i'm actually getting him from my friend bcs her cat gave birth a few month ago and she's giving me one of her kitties, but i have to wait 2 more weeks till i can finally get him. also, because i'm getting it from my friend, i actually don't know its breed 🤣 my friend doesn't know the exact breed of her cat and the dad is unknown (lol), so i can't tell for sure, but the mom is a combination of a tabby with some other fancy breed that i cannot recognise. it has many orange spots of her coat mixed with the regular tabby colors, does that make sense?? but he kitty i'm adopting has a dark coat with no orange spots at all. it looks like a tabby, but much darker than usual, idek how to explain 😭

ALSO i actually SUCK at giving pets names 😭😭 i always get overwhelmed bcs it feels like such a big responsibility to me so i always collect ideas from other people. sooo if you have any cool male cat names in mind 👀👀 i'm more than glad to hear

yeah, that's exactly how it feels with comfort places 😭😭 that's why i got away from tumblr a little bit, i didn't want it to start feeling like a 'responsibility' or like something i needed to do, i tend to do that with my hobbies sometimes and it makes them unenjoyable. i also stopped writing for a while and opening tumblr was reminding me about that and it made me feel a little guilty haha

but! it's summer vacation now and things are moving in the right direction (in my opinion at least) so who knows.

aw, THANK YOU, TI, you're so sweet 🥹🥹 i miss sending asks and answering on random stuff too 😭 i am glad i was not an annoyance with those lol

and!!! i actually do want to read what you've been posting since i disappeared 👀 is there anything you'd recommend me to read first??

[alices-shattered-eyes]

So.

I thought I'd start with like, an introduction to who I am and what I am about.

I'm Talia, I'm part of a system, I'm an SNP (Seemingly Normal Part) and that means I have my own coping mechanisms and can cope with how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling and while I can be triggered I'm not just in a triggered state.

I'm co-host with the core, they wouldn't want me talking about them in a public forum cause they work in a job where they can be told off for being ill in this way (so rude!).

My role within the system is, as far as I can tell anyways, to have fun and not be so tied up in guilt and sadness. I'm also much more into other people and having fun and being intimate.

I really love Paramore and Evanescence, I have so much passion for architecture but I can't do the maths cause, omg it's so hard. I'm hoping to use Core's art pad and their computer to make some beautiful architectural drawings. I love brutalist and gothic architecture, I would love to see a melding of the two, the drama of it would be intense.

I am omnisexual, I love the ways that our genders can all make us beautiful, sexy and attractive in our own ways. I am, well, I'm a cis-ish woman inside a trans woman's system and therefore body so that's something.

What else for a nice big introduction? Hmm... Idek, I wanna be myself here. I know Core won't look on here cause they're a bit of a miserable old woman despite her age. I will ramble and draw and like things I like. I want to just be me.

I am spiritual, I believe that all religion is us interpreting the unknowable, I think that the worship or communion with anything is valid and I often will feel a spiritual draw to fictional characters, sometimes to real things and often to stars or trees. That kinda brings me into the PC Pagan community, cause when I was younger I genuinely, wholeheartedly would use an Eragon (yeah the kids books about Dragonriders) book as a spiritual link to feel strong and guide feminine power to me from the character Arya. Was it actually the character, probably not, but was that how I contacted a strong, feminine warrior spirit or a god of that same power to give me strength. I think so.

So yeah, this is my weird and eclectic gathering of things, my online sanctuary away from Core's really boring Facebook filled with card games and miniature painting.

[youredoingkinwrong]

Ok so, listen, I'm trying to figure out if I'm even kinning at all? I'm already suspecting I might not be, but it's literally been only two days of actually looking into this so idek, And everyone, says that if you kin with a character than you feel a connection? I do but how do I know I'm not just lying to myself? how much do I need to connect? What kind of connection exactly? No one has exactly explained it, is feeling like the character is a part of you all it is? Do you just magically know??

Same anon who's trying figure out if they're kinning because uh- yeah that's just the start of the questions- is kinning a sort of all time thing? Is it always there? Or is it something waiting to be unlocked? Do you ever see that character the same again if it's the second? And Does shifting happen to everyone? And is looking at it as a fun thing or something that can make you happy bad- or spreading mis information? Y'know what probably that was a dumb question-

Hello anon! Let me start off by saying there are no dumb questions - just blog owners that are really, really bad at answering questions on time (sorry!!). 

But I am here now, so let’s see if we can’t break this down and help you out a little. Buckle up, because this is going to be a bit of a long one!

When first jumping into this world and trying to make sense of it, it can be very difficult to pinpoint the difference between a regular run-of-the-mill “humans have existed for generations upon generations and we all find ourselves reflected in stories, as we have since the dawn of our species, because we were made to connect with others and we create fiction as a way to do exactly that,” connection, and “i literally am this character for real,” connection. Most of the time (at least in my case!) it can even be both. You just have to learn how to discern those feelings, and it can take a lot of trial and error before you get it right.

And that’s perfectly fine! Nobody is asking you to know everything about yourself and your kintype(s) from day one. This is your journey, not anyone else’s. 

There isn’t exactly a handy checklist available to tell you if you’re doing everything right. No one else can tell you that you’re lying to yourself, or that you’re telling the truth. You are the only one who can know what you’re feeling. It’s not even necessarily something you can gauge, either - there’s no real metric for how much you “have” to connect to a character to be them. 

In terms of my own experience, the connection I have with my kintypes is... it’s a little difficult to explain in words. As Luke, I feel certain feelings that I can’t explain away by saying I just really really relate to him. I watch Star Wars and know that’s now how things happened (more than just disagreeing with bad movies, though to be fair a lot of them are really bad movies). I close my eyes and feel the Force, even if it doesn’t feel the same way it used to before. I find myself missing places I’ve never been, people I’ve never met, things I’ve never done. How can I miss flying my T-65 X-wing starfighter with all of my heart if those have never existed? It’s not the same as wanting to fly an X-wing, though I very much want to do that. It’s about the nostalgia, the almost muscle memory sensation I get whenever I think about that disgusting little cockpit (affectionate), the sense of loss I feel when I know I’ll never experience it again in this life. And that’s just unique to me, it doesn’t always look like that for everyone else. I can only tell you how I feel - once again, you are the master of your own experience. 

As for your other questions - was it always there, or just waiting to unlock? It’s a good question, partially because it can be both. It can be neither. It can be a feeling of “oh, there you are,” but not knowing you were ever looking for something in the first place. And not every kintype can be the same. Sometimes it’s just this niggling feeling in the back of your mind that there’s something more to this character, something that you don’t want to let go of, but you don’t know what it is you’re holding on to. 

Do you ever see that character the same again? You might! You also might not. I don’t remember how I originally saw Luke. I have identified as him for so many years now that I don’t really always know where he ends and my current life begins. He is me, and I have always been him. But for other characters, characters I remember knowing before I awakened as them, I don’t think I changed my mind too much on who they were. I don’t think I ever saw them in any different way. I tend to separate myself from the source characters, even if I identify as them - I may be them, but the version of them I’m reading/watching about isn’t necessarily me. Remember though, that there isn’t a general consensus, and my answers here aren’t the rules. I can only give you my opinions and my experiences. These are not universal. 

Shifts are fairly common in the ‘kin community, and there are multiple different kinds of said shifts. As for me, I am almost always in a mental shift as some character or another (I’ve been stuck as Luke for about half a year now!). Some shifts don’t last very long. Others, like mine, tend to last months or even years. While I don’t want to outright say it’s impossible to be ‘kin and not experience shifts, it would be a bit unheard of. But shifts aren’t always full-on “I am x character right now and I’ll only respond to that name,” kinds of experiences. For me, it’s subtle differences in how I see the world, in how I approach my interactions with others, in how I hold myself and deal with stress. Though if I do hear someone say “Luke!” in the real world I more often than not have to struggle to keep from turning my head and responding. 

Being ‘kin isn’t a death sentence. It isn’t meant to make you feel one way or another. It’s just something you are, something you can’t control, and you are allowed to feel however you need to about it. I have had my fair share of pain due to various aspects of my identities, but there’s so much I’ve found to love about myself, as well. I have the pain of all that I’ve suffered, but also all the joy I’ve felt, too. It is what you make it, and nobody can decide that for you.

This perhaps got away from me, just a little bit. But I want to thank you for coming to me with your questions, and I hope I was able to help you, even just a little bit. You are more than welcome to ask me anything else if you’re still not sure.

[ljf613]

So could you please explain Sessrin to me? I'm not in the fandom nor have I watched the show but from what little I've been told the antis (as usual) have completely mischaracterized the whole thing.

P. S. Can we please ban grooming from the fandom lexicon? It lacks semantic meaning other than age gap bad.

Well, it’s been a while since I last saw/read Inuyasha, and I’m super-behind on Yashahime, but I do love SessRin and am pretty bummed about the amount of hate this ship has been getting lately, so I’m going to do my best to share why I love these two so much. 

First off, anyone who uses the word ‘grooming’ either doesn’t know what that word means, or was not seeing the same story I was. The definition of grooming is “befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child, and sometimes the family, to lower the child's inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse.” This never happened. Sesshomaru did not look at this traumatiized child and go “hmm, how I can I best get her to trust me so that I can convince her to sleep with me” or whatever-- in fact, a large part of their dynamic is Rin choosing, over and over, to stand by him even as he is actively trying to push her away. (And considering that I suspect many of these antis are also Sesshomaru fans, the fact that they’re so quick to launch such a serious and out-of-character accusation at him is rather strange.) 

Here’s their story in a nutshell (and, again, I may be slightly misremembering details, it’s been a while): Rin, whose entire family was slaughtered by human bandits, comes across Sesshomaru in the woods and is initially terrified because, you know, demon. However, despite her fear, she realizes that he’s been injured and incapacitated, and does her best to try and help him (cleaning his wounds, getting him food and water, etc).  Sesshomaru, who, up until this point, has been a fairly typical demonic antagonist with your standard mindset of, “humans are stupid, selfish, and weak,” is understandably bewildered by this, and tries to scare her off. It doesn’t really work. This goes on for some time. (Several days? Weeks? IDEK.)  One day, after Rin returns to her village, a tribe of demons arrives and kills everyone. Rin tries to run back to the woods and escape, but the demons eventually catch and kill her. Sesshomaru finds her body, and, for some reason even he doesn’t understand, decides to use his magic sword that brings people back from the dead (yes he has one of those) to revive her. (This is significant because up until this point he has never even used the sword, as he hated the fact that he’d gotten the stupid healing sword while his little brother got the cool, killing sword.)  And Rin, who has no one left and no home to go back to, decides to travel with him.  (One of the interesting things here is that, despite the fact that she was killed by demons, Rin is actually more afraid of humans, because they’re the ones who murdered her family.) 

Their relationship throughout the course of the story is fascinating. At first glance, it might seem like Sesshomaru is always the one saving her, but she saves him too. Rin forced him to acknowledge that the world wasn’t black-and-white, that humans were complex, that just because he didn’t like someone or something didn’t mean it didn’t have a right to exist. Sesshomaru’s arc is subtle, but by the end of the story, he’s fighting side by side with the heroes-- something that would never have happened if he hadn’t met Rin. 

Now, the thing here is that, for most of the story Rin is eight years old. Their relationship is never, ever shown as sexual, but there’s clearly love there, and the implication the story ends with is that they will likely get together once Rin is older. I’ve heard antis say that they read the relationship as being more along the lines of “Sesshomaru ‘adopts’ Rin,” which explains a lot. However, I personally never saw it that way. They were partners-- just because Rin didn’t take out a sword and fight off anyone who tried to hurt Sesshomaru doesn’t mean she she was primarily on the receiving end of the relationship.  (In a story about battling evil, where nearly all of the characters are these awesome fighters, it’s pretty cool to see a character who is not a warrior, who just gives and loves and trusts and cares, and is never treated as lesser by either the characters or the narrative because of this. I really love Rin.) I think it’s a cultural thing-- people are used to the narrative of ‘coldhearted bachelor meets and adopts lovable scamp who reminds him how to love again’ and are primed to see it even in a story from an entirely different culture set five hundred years in the past. 

(Part of it is also about shipping wars-- many of the antis ship Sesshomaru with other characters, particularly Kagura, and would rather make the argument about morality versus just saying that they would prefer something a little different.) 

Here’s where I admit it gets a little bit sticky: How much of this is Rin just imprinting on Sesshomaru and using him as an excuse to avoid her trauma surrounding other humans?  And the narrative did a great job of resolving this dilemma. Near the end of the story, Rin leaves Sesshomaru. She goes to live among humans, to learn how to be human again, so that once she’s an adult, she has the agency to make an informed decision about what she really wants. 

There happens to be an audio-drama CD that was released in Japan sometime after the show ended, which is set just after the original story ends (when Rin is eleven). In it, Sesshomaru says something to Rin which is referred to by one of the other characters as a ‘proposal.’ Now, I don’t follow anti discourse, so I’m not sure if they know about it, but I can imagine they’d have a field day with that one. “Omigoodness, he proposed to an eleven year old, that’s so creepy.”  However, there’s some context involved. The word ‘proposal’ is used by one of the other characters-- who happens to have time-travelled from five hundred years later (that is, the present day). The whole plot of the CD starts when she complains to her husband/lover/whatever-their-relationship-status-is-supposed-to-be that he never actually proposed to her, and since he doesn’t know what a proposal is (because, again, culture gap), he thinks it’s some sort of monster she wants him to go fight for her before they can actually be married, and hilaraity ensues. She calls Sesshomaru’s words to Rin a proposal as in “see, that’s what a proposal is supposed to look like.” It has very little to do with SessRin in and of themselves. 

For reference, here’s what Sesshomaru actually said in this so-called ‘proposal’ (thanks to @inu-drama for the translation): 

“Rin, have you grown accustomed to life in the village?  No one is bullying you or anything?  Did you make a kimono out of the cloth I gave you the other day?  When you are troubled, or anxious, or sad, or any other time, feel free to call on me.  I will come to you immediately.  Even if we are far apart, if you call my name I will absolutely come flying to you.  If you cannot speak, you can whistle. Whistle through your fingers, if you like.  Distance is no object. Our hearts are tied together.  With the power of trust, there is nothing to fear.  Simply having that feeling should be enough to fill your heart.  That is why it is fine for things to remain as they are for now.  We have plenty of time.  You can examine your heart at your own pace.  Until then, take care of yourself.” 

(Is there something inherently creepy or predatory about that?) 

To me, SessRin is about love, in its purest form. It’s about believing in someone when the rest of the world is against them. It’s about choosing the person who chooses you. It’s about learning and growing and changing together. 

What’s that quote-- I think it was from Dawson’s Creek or something?  “What's a soulmate?” “It's uh... Well, it's like a best friend but more. It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It's someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself - because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did, or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you will always love them. Nothing can ever change that.” Yeah, that one. That’s what SessRin is about. 

[anxietysroomsupport]

Hypermobile anon here. First, thank you so much. It's just nice to know there's someone here for me. And to give a little more info, I have a serious problem where if I'm not currently in pain. I don't remember how bad it was. I know everybody does this, but my brain literally checked out as I was going to bed recently and I fell on the floor. I nearly forgot to tell my physical therapist.about it because it didn't really hurt. So, I can't do the pain scale very well, and I never remember (1/2)

(2/2) It just makes it sort of hard for pain relief when I don't know I'm going to need it and don't have the energy when I do. Also, on the vitamin subject, I know that I've had vitamin d issues before (bad heat exhaustion and allergy scares = going outside less), bad enough that I was close to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm not sure about the others, but I do know I'm not amazing healthy, so? I take calcium pills for the vitamin d, though. Again, thank you guys for all your help.

.

We just got a bill from my PT place that says we owe money that we can't pay. They told us up front how much it would be with our insurance, and my mom's been paying each time, but it says we owe 177 dollars. Sure, it's not a lot, but we're not rich and trying to send a sibling to college. If we can't get this sorted out. I can't just not go. 10 exercises I can do at home and 5 appointments is not enough to help a chronic disorder. I cant focus and I have practice in 30 mins. -Hypermobility anon

Same day but later when I'm feeling a little better (my director was very supportive though so that's nice), I'd seen the letter and heard my parents talking a bit, but my mom told be as we got to school for rehearsal about PT. I got upset, and I felt bad because I could tell she felt bad because she didn't expect me to be upset, and in the heat of the moment I said "chronic illness" in front of my mom for the first time. She loudly (not quite yelling) (1/?) - Hypermobility anon

said to me "That is the most self-pitying thing I've ever heard. Chronic illnesses are like cancer". Sure, I probably should've said disorder and not illness, but I'm scientifically right. Then I said "It is, it's chronic pain, I am always in pain" and she said "Well then clearly PT isn't helping anyway" - I??? When I went in after 15 minutes after another girl, since we were both there for an hour and a half, I decided to stop trying too much to hide my crying (useful masks) (2/?) -HSD anon

since the other girl was in the hall to eat, and when I managed to explain to the director, she was understanding and nice, and when I said chronic, she said that I should never have to live with that, especially at my age. And when I mentioned not being able to sing at that moment from my crying, she pointed out how I was singing an empowering song that was about standing against the bad stuff in life, and I was perfect for it. I know my mom was just mad, but it just drained me.

Sorry I keep sending asks so often, I just feel like telling someone this. I decided to put 'zebra' in my bio. It's a thing that people with EDS and HSD sometimes like to call themselves. I like it, so even though I just have my name and pronouns, plus a random joke, in my bio, I added it. It just feels like a step in the right direction to remembering that I don't need google to tell me I'm dealing with this every 5 minutes. Accepting it, I guess. :) -HSD anon

.

My sleep schedule just keeps getting worse and I think it's my ADHD combined busy days and pain but I just never want to sleep anymore. I can't, I don't want to, and it hurts physically and mentally to just lie there and see if I can fall asleep. 80% sure my circadian rhythm changed to sleep at about 2 am but I get up at 7 and have a chronic disorder that's getting worse because of this I *need sleep*. And I'm so scared I'll mess up, want to make a side blog for it but want to make one (1/2)

for something happy first because I always figured that if I had side blogs they would be ask blogs or for fandoms or whatever. But I got a little better at not caring what other people think, so I haven't really needed one for fandom. But I looked through the tag and felt so comforted by some of the stuff that I just think it would help me. Maybe I'm just extra bad tonight because I went outside but also talked about it a fair amount with a friend I hadn't seen recently who didn't know. -HSD

.

I wanna talk to my physical therapist about hip braces because I tried a knee one we have and it honestly helps, but my hips are worst so I wanna see if it would help, but they're pretty expensive. It's hard to find dual hip braces, from what I've seen in my research, and even though one more than the other, both cause me issues. Idk, I'm conflicted, because it could help but is it worth all the effort? Also, even if it's under clothing it's still physical evidence (1/2) -HSD anon

(2/2) of my "invisible" disorder. Also, stopping exercises for a few days because of not feeling well from my covid shot reminded me of just how much time I spend on them, so it's another thing to deal with this. . . Idk, sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to just deal with it. I still have pain anyway, though it might be a little better. Less often, maybe? I don't really remember. It's not stressing at the front of my mind all the time, but the back of it. I'm just conflicted. -HSD

.

HSD anon here, idk if I mentioned it in an ask already, but recently I had a small breakdown because I was watching something where a character was in a car accident, as was trying to push through having trouble walking even with a hip brace. After a minute, I registered it and just thought "That could be my future". My joints had already been acting up and then they got worse, so I don't know if it was cause and effect? But I don't exactly know what to call it other than a trigger. (1/2)

Physical and emotional effect, at least I'm assuming on physical because I've had a bad reaction to something similar before, but like, I don't have trauma, I think it's more fear of the future. And I don't want to use trigger incorrectly, it's insensitive to those who actually have triggers. I'm just so confused.

Forgot to sign the last ask with 2/2 and HSD, whoops.

.

Hfnsiwk I'm not ready to walk into PT tomorrow and say that I don't think months of PT have been helping but I have no way to be completely sure because for all I know it's the weather since this is the first year I've known/it's been noticeable. Maybe it's just change, I don't know, but it just feels like such a waste of time if it really didn't help. Plus, I'd stop, and while that'd be great, I do enjoy being stronger, even if it didn't help pain. I have 12 hours and a bad pain day idek. -HSD

.

Hi Hypermobility Anon,

I think I found all your asks and got them in the correct order.  And found your last ask!

I’m so glad you kept writing in.  I think you should go ahead and make your side blog - you definitely have enough material for it.  Wanting to make a happy side blog also is a great goal to have, but if you don’t know what it will be yet, don’t let that prevent you from doing something you know you want to do and that will probably help you.  

You are dealing with So. Much.  Your mom especially sounds like she just is not ready to accept the situation.  It’s not self-pity to state your actual conditions.  It’s just reality.  

Forgetting about pain is normal, and really all you can do is try to write it down or make some kind of note about it in the moment or immediately after, so you can refer to it later.  Maybe you can track your pain events in your phone notes.

I think your idea to add “zebra” to your bio is a good one, this is part of your life and just something you have to deal with.  It sounds like you’re finding a community for this.  

Sleep schedules are tricky, and feeling like you desperately need to sleep can make it so stressful that it starts a vicious little cycle.  Some strategies to get around this are First, remember that just resting is okay and helpful too, even if you don’t fall asleep.  Letting your body lay there to rest is good for you.  

Second, if you’ve spent several minutes laying down without falling asleep, its okay to get up and walk around, or any small light exercise that’s comfortable for you.  The goal with this one is to get out of the bed for a bit.  It will help your brain to re-learn that the bed is for sleeping only, not for laying awake.  That association can help signal to your brain to start its sleep-process when you get into bed at night.

Third, it’s really common to have a changing circadian rhythm during your teens and twenties.  That’s just a thing that happens and you can’t do much about it, so just try not to worry too much.  Sleep when it feels right and when you can, instead of trying to force yourself to sleep when you’re “supposed” to.  

If hip braces would help you, you should definitely at least mention it to your physical therapist.  You might research online for any used ones as well.  A physical sign that you have pain can have good and bad consequences, but I think the good consequence of being in less pain far outweighs any others.

The triggering event you described is not so much a trigger as it is just a genuinely really upsetting situation.  You related really strongly to the character you were watching, because they’re dealing with similar problems to you, and to problems you could have in the future.  It’s a lot to process.  But while you could potentially be in a car accident, remember that television is made to dramatize events and probably made it seem a lot more difficult and scary than it really would be.   

Since we know you sometimes forget your pain, it’s safe to say that the exercises are helping you manage it, and you say that they’ve made you stronger in general.  Those are good things, and I would recommend you continue the exercises you can do on your own even if you end of ending  your physical therapy sessions.  We don’t know yet if your pain might have gotten even worse without therapy.  You’ll have to find that out on your own if you stop exercising, and then decide whether it’s more worth it to you to continue exercising or to live with the pain.  Whichever you choose, it’s Your choice, Your body.  Take care of yourself. <3

-bun

[taetaespeaches]

you did it! you got me upset with hobi,

DO NOT DISRESPECT MY BBY GIRL PETAL EVER AGAIN OK SIR HOSEOK? THANKS

duuuuude, one thing is the lies, another thing is wHY the liesss, BUT! does he have any idea what we felt the whole time after the conversation with peaches until he came home??

i swear that drabble got me some real flashbacks, why are men like thisssss,

it's the middle of the night and i want to rant about my ex, everytime i remember this i go feral,

ONCE UPON A TIME my ex and i were searching for a movie on his laptop, idek how we ended up on fb and i wanted to search for something there so i went to the little fb search bar and when i clicked it a list of his last searches was displayed and the first line was some girl's profile, and i swear i'm not the jealous type.. not in a toxic exaggerated way, i'm pretty chill and i hate confrontation so i don't like to make a big deal out of things, specially when i don't know the whole story

still, like a reflex, my innocent and curious ass asked "who is she?" i didn't even really care tbh it was whatever, BUT you know what he said?... he said NOTHING, he didn't answer me, Liv!

HE OPTED TO IGNORE THE QUESTION, there was no way in hell he didn't hear me, it was dead silence at night, so i stayed calm and waited a couple seconds but he just kept scrolling...

wtf ??

he literally ignored me and then "let's go downstairs and watch netflix on the living room" he said and im like "fine"... shocked

man... i was fuming, i was MAD, sad and making up the worst scenarios in my head... OBVIOUSLY!

like half hour went by and i was just sitting there while he was trying to make conversation but i was gonna make him suffer just like i was,

until he was like "stooop..." very whiny and dumBly trying to hug me, HAHA stay down bitch!

so i went like "stop what?", so cold lmao

then he started explaining that she was just some girl he remembered from church that has his same birthday or something so he looked her up, so stupid

so i went "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAID THATTTT!!!!!!"

God! i wanted to slap him so hard, honestly, he was like "I LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA, MY MIND WENT BLANK, I DON'T KNOW"

and im like "YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I WAS THINKING THIS WHOLE TIME, YOU IDIOT????"

of course he started beggin for forgiveness and i sent him to the store to bring me snacks

this is a stupid story bc the whole thing was idiotic and the more i thinkg about it someone else probably wouldn't've believe him but i did bc i know him

he's still my friend and i love him with all my heart but sometimes he's just so stupid!! like... his explanation actually made sense for him!

men...

not comparing my ex to hobi, LOL

but just like... petal, my sweetheart... -i FEEL YOU, those minutes/hours must've been HELL and im sorry but yes... we need time... and snacks

that don't mean we love you any less but the hurting is a bitch and we need to let her have a process

my rant ends here👌🏻

im ready for more angst, liv, keep them coming, i love uuu

Omg Lydia is coming in SWINGING for Petal!!! As you should! Hobi, you didn't mean to hurt your girl but you did :( No but exactly, like even though it was a misunderstanding LITERALLY WHAT ELSE WAS PETAL SUPPOSED TO THINK DURING THAT TIME???? Of course her brain went straight to "he's cheating on me" like ?!

Oh gosh your story about your ex :/ dude. just communicate that from the start!! Like honestly there are some toxic jealous people out there and he was so lucky that you just have a normal, natural amount of jealousy bc someone else would have blown up at him in that moment. Just be honest with your partners!!! Why don't men understand this?! I'm sorry you had to have that awful sick feeling even for a little bit :(

Lol I will definitely keep the angst coming soon! Gotta give Peaches her angsty moments <3

[roundedloaf]

Vina Jie-Min Prasad's writing is SO GOOD, yes! She also has a short story in Uncanny called "Fandom For Robots" if you haven't already seen that one! And now for some mood whiplash, I'm just going to copy and paste in my original 10% of a fic idea that I had started writing in the tags: yes, give Three a hobby! And cooking has recipes to follow so it's even like having protocol. oh, but wait, SecUnits can't eat, so Three can't enjoy the food (1/?)

((2/?)  it makes, and I made myself sad about this concept I have known about for all of 30 seconds :(. but wait, I feel like it's implied at the end of the book that Three goes with the PreservationAux humans, so it could cook for them! and then Murderbot comes back to visit, and it is very definitely not having an emotion about its humans being all endeared to Three and Three's cooking and no, Amena, it definitely is not jealous it doesn't know what you're talking about anyway it's going to go

(3/3) patrol the perimeter now while all the humans are busy with dinner because it doesn't need to be there because it doesn't eat. And okay Murderbot has certainly emotionally matured over the whole series, and over the course of NE specifically, but also, consider: making it have New Baby Syndrome about Three amuses me, so sometimes you gotta gently nudge canon to get it to do what you want. Anyway I hope you enjoyed that long ridiculous ramble!

First off sorry for taking so long to respond! I had a lot of thoughts about this and uni has been a whole mess :(, secondly I have read “Fandom for Robots“, i love it so much and I didn’t realize it was by the same author!  

Thirdly onto Three, I have a lot of feelings about three and i love your idea!

Three is far more the sort of sad robot that Mensah and the rest of the humans were expecting Murderbot to be. Murderbot even from the start of ASR has a very clear sense of identity and individuality. It’s had the time from watching media and thinking and having to directly deal with a whole load of emotional pain. While it doesn’t really know what it wants, it at least knows a lot about what it doesn’t want. It doesn’t want to be looked at, It doesn’t want to be trapped, It doesn’t want other people to decide what’s good for it.

Whereas with Three, the clearest idea we get of who it is and what it wants is through the line “There is a lot about what is going on here that I don’t understand. But I am participating anyway.” Three hasn’t had the chance to build up any real internal identity for itself, all it knows is that it would like to help people (the other two SecUnits included). It is far more likely to accept help when offered, it is more likely to attempt to learn human protocol through trying it out. If given the same offer as Murderbot at the end of ASR it would take it.

I think also it’s still fairly unlikely to want to ask questions or to ask things of people. It was able to ask Murderbot for additional files, but from the sounds of things it took quite some time to work up the nerve to do that.

So after the end of Network Effect, it takes everyone quite a while to get everything sorted out, murderbot takes its time getting close to Peri’s crew, but eventually, possibly after a pit stop at preservation, murderbot goes off with ART and Three is on Preservation.

Amena is the person who insists on Three staying with her family. Ratthi offers, and so do Overse and Arada. Three gets a choice. This is important. Mensah and maybe someone else idek makes sure it knows that it has a choice, and that it’s welcome to make another one later if it doesn’t want to. (Three finds this confusing, but the HelpMe.2.file lets it recognize that this person can be trusted). But Amena seems very excited and tells it the most details about her home, so Three goes with her.

(sidenote: ratthi lives next door to overse and arada, and overse and arada are totally the friends who just show up on the couch, to the point that a number of ratthi’s friends get confused when they realize that theres only one bed because they know that the three of them arent all together (the times murderbot stays over it sleeps on the couch))

If i was going to write a fic, this is where it would start. Three is at the family farm, the very place Murderbot didn’t want to go. Mensah and Thiago are still busy dealing with some stuff, so the only person there who actually knows Three is Amena. Three is very confused, and i think a few of the humans try to treat it like murderbot? or how they think murderbot wanted to be treated.

(The children are of course excited, and ask it if it wants to share media. It doesn’t have much to share but at least one of them tries to share their favorite show with it.)

Anyway things are a bit awkward but Three is trying, and they’re all trying, The actual inciting cooking incident is Amena making something for a potluck, because tying in the social side of cooking/food is important. Amena gives an explanation of what she’s doing and attempts to give more of that social background on it. She also tells it that its welcome to use whatever in the kitchen if it likes? (Amena is aware that secunits dont eat, but either she’s distracted, thinks they dont need to eat but can, or is more trying to give an introduction to the way food works as a part of preservation culture)

Three takes her at her word, and when no one else is around it attempts to cook. Options: either replicating what amena made which gives the fun idea of it making cookies and then everyone thinking it was Amena, or attempting to make something else and making a total mess, having to entirely start over, just for the humor part of it. But when it starts to make halfway decent food (by it’s own confused standards) I think it leaves it out, or in areas that are known to be marked as communal food.

It’s a big family so maybe it takes a couple of days for people to notice that it’s Three cooking this extra food. There’s a bit of confusion, and I think its Farai that ends up talking to it, making sure this is okay, that it knows it doesn’t have to help, that its okay to cook when people are around, etc etc. Point being, at the end of this conversation she offers to cook with Three, if it wants to.

Smash cut, cute scenes of three occasionally cooking (and being taught how to cook) by farai and the kids and maybe even the other adults around. (a couple of times there are too many people in the kitchen and it freezes, they give it space when this happens). Three gets multiple checks from people that cooking is something it wants to do, rather than something it feels obligated to do.

Murderbot is incredibly confused when it gets back and this is happening. Like for a moment its offended because it feels like someone is forcing three into a more bot servant role, and is yet another person checking in with three about this. There is a bit of jealousy there, that Three seems to be interacting with the humans a lot better, but i think it’s more confusion. This is a person that Murderbot could never be, and frankly doesn’t want to be. It still wishes it was better talking to people but that would involve, ugh, talking to people. By the end of Network Effect i think its comfortable enough in it’s friendships to not worry so much about anyone replacing it. Plus i think the sort of relationships Three would build through this would be different to the ones murderbot has built.

(jeesh this got long)

[thisdreamplace]

Hi, what would you (or a general person) think/feel/act like if they were happily employed with a major paycheck?

I'm asking coz i feel blockage when I try to imagine living in the state of this manifestation. Fears of being incompetent at interviews and unable to answer questions properly or rambling crop up when I try to even imagine having that amazing job

Worse, I mean not worse, coz ik circumstances shouldn't matter, thing is idk idek the specifics of the ideal company or ideal job post of my desire

Ik I want eg:

an exorbitant salary (financial independence), even tho I fear I won't be able to negotiate at all (I'm not exactly a bargainer)

a role of responsibility where i can learn from the higher ups while inspiring those below, with a level of autonomy

Work that's not tedious or repetitive

So on and so forth

Even tho I don't have much job xp (again, Im prolly invalidating myself here, coz the fact is, I've come to realise even if I win a Nobel Prize, I'll keep feeling I haven't done 'enough'), I do have amazing, hard-as-hell-to-get qualifications (and again... I feel I'm not enough like wth whyyy? ;_; I've met so many people who've got half of these qualifications yet they're more confident and can actually flaunt that while I feel, not like an imposter, but ig worthless when compared)

The worst is Ive always freaking felt it in my bones I'm worthy of a higher role than my current self can achieve (by current self I'm referring to the fact that I do have issues eg nightmare interviews in the past hovering over me, beliefs of being incompetent or unqualified or being unable to answer difficult questions (since I was a child, I've been told, disparagingly alas, that I'm only 'book smart' and could only ace studies by 'rote learning', which is untrue. In fact thanks to that, I actually developed a memory issue whereby I'm unable to memorize stuff easily (btw one of my secrets to academic success has been understanding concepts, mind mapping it all mentally, having a solid grip over foundations etc. Ok I digressed) anyhow, I really do feel unprepared to answer questions (in fact one of my fears is being asked an intrusive question (like hey, why are you eg so pimply? (Btw I'm not, this is just an example) in front of everyone and being at the center of attention in that way 😱) so yeah, I hope you can sense the myriad of beliefs holding me back (and sometimes I feel nauseated to even think of 'facing' these beliefs or fears. Like, it's as I wrote to u rn that I realised I fear looking incompetent, except this case is so severe coz I feel like it's worthless if it's not done perfectly (or as near perfect))

So how do I manifest here? Hell, my mind starts hurting if I assert: okay, let's at least prepare, no, at least LOOK at a job interview question

Ik the Law says I can assume anything and that'll work. So how do I assume I'm, y'know, a confident gal who does not have the aforementioned state of mind? Or how do I defuse the root issues linked to childhood/past stuff? Or better yet, what state should I focus on assuming/taking on? I have no idea how to start. And thanks to analysis paralysis (it took me years to acknowledge this even) I'll end up prolly doing nothing then another month will pass by with me doing nothing and then I'll type another frenzied ask

PS: yep, Im aware of the self concept topic, but I hope u can shed some light on this specific matter at hand, kinda customized?

Ty

😰

So to begin with, scratch everything and literally focus on your self-esteem and your concept of self. No, you don't need a good self esteem to manifest, but I'm really passed pretending like it should be optional. Every one of us deserves to feel good about ourselves, for ourselves. And you're holding yourself back so much by not allowing yourself to feel good about who you are. I mean, you list how accomplished you are and yet it's still not good enough for you?

It's confusing because if you felt in your bones you were worthy of something better, how can you sit there and but yourself down so easily? Your reality is giving you what you actually feel worthy of. And it's not what you desire.

You're the only one holding yourself in this story. You know the law says everything is happening now, meaning all desired experiences and versions of yourself are available to you now. You tap into them by using your imagination and dwelling there. So, stop sticking yourself to this story that doesn't help you. You feel unprepared because you keep saying so. You keep replaying this memory of things going badly, when in reality there's not even a past. You're the one keeping it alive by being so consumed by it and thinking it's so real. But see, the past only exists in your mind. It doesn't exist elsewhere. And just like with everything else in our mind, we have the power to decide what is and is not so.

Plus, the comparison game has got to come to an end. Everyone is you pushed out anyway. A win for one person, is a win for all. Who are you comparing yourself to, besides a reflection in the mirror? There's no point. The more you let go of the old way of thinking and allow yourself to remember more and more who you truly are, the easier it'll be to let go of wanting to compare yourself all the time. It's literally your reality. It's your world and everyone else is just living in it. Seriously. You're literally at the center of your world. You're at the heart of it all, there is no one else but self.

Self concept isn't something to push to the side. I notice a lot of people know about it and then go, "ehh but what else is there?" Like, I did the same thing. And that's why my journey was full of detours when I could have just went straight to my destination.

How do you do this? Well, you do have some idea of who you want to be. I mean, I'm guessing you want to be the opposite of every undesirable trait/experience you mentioned? So therefore, (if you want to write it down, please do), you need to decide the mindset you want to focus on manifesting within yourself. Let the outer world be for a bit, it's time to focus on you and only you. Here's an article that gives an example of how to get clear on the version of you that you want to embody.

And then once you get clear on that, really, the only task you have is to wake up everyday and thrive to focus on keeping that mindset. Sure you might slip up, sure some days you may not do well keeping it at all, but it doesn't matter. You keep persisting and it gets easier and becomes your new normal.

You see, I like how Dylan James says manifesting is not a trying process because it makes sense. For example, you didn't try to end up with the experiences you have surrounding career right now. However, you manifested it due to your concept of self. Change your conception of self and without trying, that perfect career you desire will find you. It can be that simple. But we have to allow it to be. Plus, you really only need to focus on yourself. You don't need to have a list that consists of your must-haves in a job, or anything. (Unless you truly like to make lists like that.) Because the truth is, our desires are from God. Therefore, we never need to worry about telling our Godself what we want. Our Godself already knows. So if you are unclear, you can trust you'll be lead exactly where you want to go. Being specific or being general makes no difference and it's okay to approach manifesting with either one. You'll always come out successful no matter what. But the change begins within. There is no one to change but self.

Hopefully this is helpful! You got this! 💖

[mcrmadness]

Hey friend! This isn't part of any ask game but I was thinking about it so I'm asking anyways :D out of Bela and Farin whose solo music do you like better? And which is your favourite solo song of each?

Hi!!!

I like Farin’s solo stuff more, definitely. And I actually like FU stuff much more than even FURT, Am Ende der Sonne being my favorite solo album of his (and it’s also the go-to album for me whenever I feel angry). I am also extremely fond of Berliner Schule.

Fun fact: It took very long for Fasztination Weltraum to open for me, I really liked “Herz? Verloren!” and its B-sides so when I finally got the full album to my hands, it was a bit of a turn-off and I was almost disappointed with it. Had to listen to it so many times in order to warm up and I still think it’s probably the worst FU/FURT album so far. There’s some gems ("iDisco", for example) in there but everything else is so... basic? Like, they just don’t make me feel almost anything at all. Not positive nor negative. Just nothing. (And pretty much the same happened with Farin’s songs on HELL apart from maybe like 1-2 songs...)

From Bela’s solo stuff I own the 1st and 2nd albums on cd and they’re okay. I liked Code B more than Bingo as there’s lots of skipping to do (for me), too. I think when his third album (and also the rest) came out, I was in the middle of my “not on the mood for any new music” so I did not check out any bands or artists I like no matter how many new albums would have come out so I never did that with bela's albums either. I did watch some music videos but I just didn’t like them at all (and the album name, I think it’s “Bye”? It gave me again even more anxiety than what I had of my own that year.) because honestly, country music is just not my thing. There’s a few music styles I just absolutely cannot stand and they are: schlager, rap/hip hop and country. Even if I'm a horse groom myself, I still cannot stand country music! :DDD

And about his later solo projects I don’t even have a clue what are those or how many albums he has even done. I probably should give them a try one day but I still haven’t had the motivation nor mood for that. I’m sometimes really bad at doing this. I mean, I meant to check out King Køng for YEARS and I did that only this year. And talking of King Køng, that’s not really my cup of tea. There were some okay songs but I have to say that “No More” sounds much better when it’s in the middle of those die ärzte interviews, and it’s actually a very anticlimatic song when you hear it as a whole between all those other songs on the album. I guess I have to listen to these albums a couple of times more still, but let’s just say that I was listening to these while I was drawing and the 3rd album got eventually so boring for me that I had to quit listening to it before it even ended because I was getting way too restless and needed something faster to go with my drawing in order to keep myself focused and from becoming (mentally) hyperactive.

^Here's that part of my collection so far. (Btw I have never listened to FURT's Livealbum of Death despite owning it, idk why. I also don't have FURT's live dvd because I just would not be able to focus on that. I sometimes have trouble even focusing on dä live dvds and other concert videos but those I at least have watched all, and most of them at least once as a whole without skipping.)

***

And then the other part of your question - my favorite song from both.

Pudelsong from FU!!!

I also love songs like Dusche, or Karten. Both also have awesome lyrics (Farin's one of the rare people who writes lyrics even I can sometimes understand), I think Dusche was the first I saw with English translation and holy shit that is just genius and I still can't get over it :DDD I love surrealistic humour and stuff like that, idek how to call that really! But I like it. And Karten is quite relatable sometimes and the instrumental solo is just amazing. I also like the story in Die Leiche, I've just always been drawn to "creepy tragic stories that won't really explain themselves" like that, same with the song Schatten from Berliner Schule. It's just weird that I'm drawn to such lyrics/stories when I absolutely hate any kind of poetic "oh try and interpret me" lyrics because I don't want to fucking guess anything, I want to KNOW. But then I do love a good mystery if it has something to do with death or murder ::D

---

And from Bela I think Wiehr Thind Ssuper is my favorite? At some point I used to think that Zappingsong was my fave but I just listened to it and not anymore? Anyway - that beeping in the beginning has also been somewhere else, maybe in a video game or so and it always makes me think of this song. From Code B my fave song is Schwarz/Weiss. I've no clue about the lyrics in any of his songs so we're going soundwise here now.

And then I have to mention Tag mit Schutzumschlag (thanks I can never write that name down without looking it up from somewhere first) because when I saw the video for the first time ever, the little Tim Burton fangirl in me got loose:

Mainly because my FAVORITE SONG (or scene) from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie/soundtrack is the Mike Teavee song and one part of Bela's video is made to happen in the same room/scene :D They've also recreated some scenes and character designs so well from the Burton movie.

Lol my answer got a bit long again but did you really expect anything else from me? XD

[reggies-eyeliner]

What's this? Something new I see? 👀

Band and song matchups?? First of all, such a cool idea- yes please

Okie dokie... description! Uhmm uh hmm... I'm a loud lil girl, buuut I'm also pretty shy? If you get me to open up a bit... OH BOY YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOUR EAR TALKED OFF... I'm sweet (ish) anddd I love joking around~

Hmmmmmm... physical appearance... well for starters, I got that California tan, i have small... everything (except for eyes, I got biiig eyes)

Blackish - brown straight hair, brown eyes, average body shape ig? Idek

Extra curricular stuff... I'm in choir! I'm choir president this year (idek how but I love it!) Hmm... OH BRO I CANNOT DO SPORTS FOR THE LIFE OF ME (least athletic person you will ever meet) and uhh that's it ig?? Haha I really need to do more stuff... I draw? Kinda... sorta... ehhhhh

Fav JATP song?? Ahhh okay I love all of them, but Stand Tall and Edge of Great djdnekfiejf

AHH sorry is that it omg I can't remember- ANYWAYS I'm so excited to see where you go with this!! Thank youuu 💕

(Now I gtg to bed omg)

HAHA NO BB ISSOKAY I HAD A GRAND TIME READING THIS IT WAS SO ENTERTAINING, AND CONGRATS ON BEING CHOIR PRESIDENT DEARIE!!

Thank you so much for asking!! You sound so sweet and I know as a fact that you are the sweetest person ever thank you for asking ajajaj 

I match this lovely person with...

Luke Patterson!

You’re one of many ecstatic people I’ve met, but WOW your energy was SKYROCKETING, no complaints here! But yes, I match you with the forever perfect Luke Patterson. Even though it does seem like a weird pairing, putting someone who was a an extrovert with an extrovert, but with Luke it’s a whole different idea. Luke doesn’t mind you being loud-- even though, yes, he might end up complaining once if he’s trying to focus, but all in all, you’re his muse. He loves to watch your eyes sparkle whenever you talk about something you love, and he thinks that with honestly everything, you’re just this sweet ball of light that guides anyone who feels lost. Since Luke isn’t very open about his personal life, since you’re pretty open to talk about just about anything, Luke aspires to be like you when it comes to that. And you’re definitely one to talk a lot and make quite a few jokes, so whenever he talks with you, he always ends up feeling better. He honestly thinks that spending his time in Hollywood with you is one of the best parts of life-- he seriously loves loves it whenever he sees you laugh, because no matter what, you always do something to make other people smile. But he also knows that there are moments where you feel down, not at your best, or when you’re overall just really drained. But when you do feel that way, Luke will do anything (and I mean ANYTHING) to make you feel better. He’ll constantly try to make EYE CONTACT *coughs aggressively* with you, smile at you and try to hold your hand at any given moment. Lots of hugs from the back, and since he honestly hasn’t been able to hug anyone for quite a while, he seriously loves hugs a lot more than he expresses it. If there’s anything Luke loves more than someone who loves music, it’s when someone has a burning passion for anything and everything-- and that’s exactly what you have. You’re so into just making people want to feel their best at their 100th percent that Luke sometimes just stares at you and just starts flowing into a stream of compliments.

Which Role I Think You’d Play in the Band:

You’d definitely be either: 1, main singer or close to lead singer, and/or the one who literally makes everyone want to jump and come alive on stage. I SWEAR THE VIBES YOU BRING ARE JUST FULL-ON AMAZING, you’re constantly trying to make people feel alive and you just want them to be happy. I think you’d make an awesome lead singer, but the only reason why I didn’t do that was ONLY because you’d be great at owning the stage no matter what role you got. Even though you could start off a little shy, you’d end up EXPLODING the stage with energy, screams, chants, constantly just trying to make people hyped up. And trust me, your energy is contagious and when I say it works, IT WORKS. People are just always happier around you, and you’re a light to them no matter what!

Which Song You’d Be/Give me the vibes of:

FINALLY FREE

WITHOUT A DOUBT

I wanna fly Come alive Watch me shine

I got a spark in me Hands up if you can see And you're a part of me Hands up if you're with me Now 'til eternity Hands up if you believe Been so long, and now we're finally free!

Thank you so much for requesting haha XD I found myself laughing the whole time while reading your ask that was all over the place, it was so entertaining, and you’re honestly such a sweet person. Stay safe!! <hugs!>

*throws skittles*

(Beautiful gif credit goes to the amazing: @lucamarinnelli, @90salex, @owenpatrickjoyners. I have no idea how to make gifs, but all I know is that it takes quite a while!! They all actually look so beautiful and they’re so helpful visually, you guys don’t get enough credit. Y’all stay safe, as well!)

[olivieblake]

Happy Halloween Olivie! I feel like it's been forever because I've been so inactive both on tumblr and fanfiction wise, but hope you're doing well!

It's been a crazy couple of years for me actually - among other things also because I was in a situationship (I think that's what it's called) with a younger guy who was supposed to move away eventually and who ended up doing so recently- surprise surprise lol. So idk if this counts as me confessing a crush, but for someone who has crushed on boys easily for years and yet somehow been very very (almost too) careful about actually getting into a relationship, this was much harder on me than I expected. I went into it with the 'I don't care how this ends, it makes me happy rn' mentality that's just NOT me at all so idek what I was expecting tbh, but I realised more and more how easy it was to be with him, how I'd fallen for him without even realising it, how comfortable I was being myself around him, how he felt like a friend I'd known all my life AND someone I wanted to get to know everything about - basically all the stupid cliches I'd heard about that didn't seem that stupid anymore

His leaving was a sword hanging over my head for the last 1.5 years, and in a way I'm glad it finally happened because I know I wasn't thinking straight or considering other more liable long-term options because of him. But this also felt like the worst heartbreak I've had so far because it felt so out of my control- had his circumstances or my career been different, it may really have been something - but I don't blame him at all.

So I'd like to ask if you (or anyone you know of) have a similar story about feeling like someone really could've (to quote Taylor Swift) been The One if not for circumstances, and how looking back on it after a while makes you feel.

I have been wondering this for a bit now but have the ask character limit/formatting limitations gone away?? that’s great news okay now let’s go into your story. it has VERY MUCH been ages since I’ve seen you and I’m so happy you’re here!! okay let’s do this

let me start with: I totally crush easily. I always have a crush. several crushes. pet crushes. I used to wonder how it was possibly to love one person forever until I realized you can still have crushes and it’s fine because it’s not the same thing; part of the fun of a crush is the cerebral part, where it only exists in your head and is perfect, which is also what most situationships are because some element of intimacy (the commitment part) is missing. but anyway yes okay so you had a crush and lol, I know, we all tell ourselves we don’t care how it ends but of course we do, all of this tracks... yeah, I can see totally this as something that hangs over you. I completely understand. I’m a daydreamer myself. there are lots of people in my life that I think I could have been happy with, even if it’s not the happy I ultimately chose. and because things are left open-ended or without the conclusion that satisfies you, it’s easy to imagine they’re more perfect than they actually were, or to imagine what they would have been if you hadn’t already known it couldn’t really happen.

I really thought I was going to end up with this one guy I knew in college. I still don’t understand what happened with him? he was so, so smart; I don’t remember exactly how we got to be friends—a class, probably—but then gradually he started taking me as his date to things. like, fancy things? galas he got invited to by the university, a secret society he was part of, big networking things—I’m kind of a great date for schmoozing, he was totally beloved by all the VIPs, and we always had fun together. I remember one night he showed up at my sorority house with flowers and it was totally that scene from Legally Blonde where all my sorority sisters were screaming about the boy who showed up in a tux to take me to this event. when we spent time alone together I was like wow, we’re planning a future together, aren’t we? like, this is what it would be like if we were together. but he had a lot of personal issues; a very private but very serious substance abuse problem, difficulties with intimacy. overall it was not a good situationship for me, even if I was perfectly content while I was inside it. I think about him all the time; he’s like the daisy to my gatsby. the last time I saw him he was dropping me off on my doorstep—he kissed me goodnight, told me I looked beautiful, and that was it. now he’s just gone, and like, it’s not just that he’s gone, but the whole future I imagined with him is gone. the galas and parties and feeling like part of a power couple is the opposite of the marriage I eventually chose, and yeah. sometimes I imagine there’s an alternate version of myself living that life, though it kind of satisfies me to think that version of me probably isn’t happier. she just didn’t know yet who she really was or what she really wanted. she didn’t know what kind of love would actually make her feel safe

after him there were a couple of others. someone in law school while I was dating mr blake, someone I worked with after I had gotten married. just crushes, people with chemistry who I knew would have chosen me if I’d asked. I’m an imaginative person, so yeah, sometimes I think about the fact that I could have made other choices and gone down other paths. I really think that letting yourself travel down that AU of your life is worth it; you just have to be honest about how it actually looks. and in this case it’s probably too fresh for you to feel anything but sad, but that’s okay. some sadnesses are important, they teach us something about what we really want. everyone in your life touches it and changes you, and I think it’s perfectly fine to honor that

[dsudis]

Hey dira, longtime fan of your writing here. I was wondering if you had any tips on your workflow that you'd be willing to share? In particular things like how you plan out and plot your longer fics, and how you juggle multiple projects at once, or stay inspired to keep writing when you've hit a block? For someone so prolific I'm sure you must have a lot of awesome advice for people getting started with writing their own fics!

Thanks! It’s very kind of you to imagine that I have some wisdom to pass on here. I don’t know that I can say anything that’s directly helpful, mainly because everyone has their own process suited to their own style and circumstances, and also because–other than being semi-organized about writing original stuff when I was doing that, uh, at a detectable volume, which I haven’t been this year–I’ve never really cultivated anything that feels, from the inside, like a System for writing.

I do keep track of e.g. how many words I write per day per story, because I am a nerd and tracking that makes me feel accomplished or in control of the process somehow; if that kind of tracking stresses you out, don’t do it. If it’s fun and pleasing and you get a little hit of dopamine when you look at your lovingly color-coded grids, go for it. 

There isn’t really a way to make any of this stuff easy, I don’t think. (I mean, but what do I know, I don’t even use Scrivener. I’m told it’s great?) 

If writing long fic doesn’t come naturally to you, maybe you want to write short fic, and that’s what works for you. If you want to write long fic but you find yourself floundering in the middle or struggling with structure, welcome to writing long fic: it kind of sucks sometimes. I do a lot of talking out stories with anyone who will hold still long enough–my zero draft/first outline is usually a chat transcript. But for some people they don’t want input or an audience until much later in the process, so if that’s you then jot down all your own thoughts privately.

(Do write stuff down, though. No matter how obvious the thought seems, you will not remember it later.)

If juggling multiple projects makes you feel more stressed out or confused, maybe you want to work on one thing at a time. If writing one thing at a time makes you feel like you’re missing out on a hundred other opportunities, or you’re spending all your time daydreaming about other stuff instead of writing the thing actually in progress, maybe you want to juggle. When I feel like I want to be ~fair~ to all my WIPs I use a random number generator or random list-orderer to decide what to work on during any given writing time. When I feel like I have one thing at the forefront of my mind, I back-burner the rest until I run out of steam on that one. Some people have like, schedules and systems and stuff, apparently, idek.

As for staying motivated… man, 2019 has been a bit of a WIP graveyard for me. 

I gave up on a lot of stories this year, and my writing ground nearly to a halt–by my personal standards, and those vary from person to person too–from about May to September, for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s like that. Some stories are just not worth the misery to keep going on, and the best thing to do is set it aside for a while or forever. Sometimes if you’re blocked it means you’re going the wrong way and you need to back up and try taking the story on a different path. 

But if you’re determined to finish something and you’re confident that you’re on the right track with it, then you… keep showing up. Keep going. One sentence at a time–one sentence a day, if you have to, and I have definitely had stretches of time with some of my long fics where that was all I could manage to do. Sometimes one sentence a day was more than I could handle. But if you keep at it long enough sooner or later you do reach the end, and if you do that enough times, sooner or later people on the internet will imagine you know what the fuck you’re doing. :)