#(i'm scared of changing. the days stay the same) (aesthetics)

[ineffable-suffering]

Trauma-Dumping on your plants: The Anthony J. Crowley Chronicles

This has been living in my silly head rent free for so long, I finally decided to slap it on here in hopes of thinking about it a little less (than three times a day. It's been years. I need to get over it.)

Also, I'm absolutely certain I'm not even remotely the first person to realize or post about this, since it's not the hardest of parallels to figure out. Alas, I still shall, because out of mind, out of sight and all that. So:

Let's talk about how Crowley is using his houseplants to work through his own Trauma of the Fall. Or, well, maybe not work through it per se, but more so roleplay it to give it somewhat of an an outlet because he never got over it. Lol.

It's not rocket science to figure it out and God Herself actually gives us a pretty spot-on explanation of it in her own narration.

Crowley's plants are perfect. They're, as God Herself tells us, the most luxurious and beautiful in all of London. He takes great care of them, waters them, mists them. Does any and everything to give them the perfect conditions so they won't have a worry in the world.

And yet, we're immediately shown that despite the seemingly perfect conditions they're living in, Crowley's plants still get *gasps quietly* spots. And we all know how Crowley feels about that:

It seems like such an unnecessary tiny thing to get upset about, right? Like, plants get spots all the time. They're not perfect, they're part of nature and nothing is ever perfect in nature. Crowley would know that by now. Imperfection is the whole point of nature. If everything had stayed exactly the way it always was, nothing would have ever changed or evolved.

Besides, Crowley is a demon. If it were merely about aesthetics to him, he could easily miracle away any spot with a blink of his serpent eyes. But he gets so angry about it, it's almost comical. At first we think it's just to show us, the audience, that, in contrast to Aziraphale, who cares very dearly and lovingly for his books, Crowley is a mean, mean demon who, instead of being outwardly nice to the things he loves (like Aziraphale does), yells at his plants because he's a mean meanie.

But! If you look at the whole scene and what God says, it's pretty obvious what he's actually doing is something else entirely: "What Crowley does is he puts the fear of God in them. Or, the fear of Crowley. The plants are the most luxurious and beautiful in London. Also the most scared."

Folks, this man dude serpent is literally roleplaying the concept of God/Heaven threatening angels with their Fall in order to keep them obedient ... with his houseplants.

Have I mentioned yet that I am absolutely obsessed with him and also desperately wanna get him a therapy voucher?

Because what does he do once he sees a plant disobeying his rules of perfection and acting out? The same thing God did to her questioning, equally disobedient angels (including Crowley): Parade it in front of the very scared rest, making an example of it ...

... only to then, well ...

... quite literally chuck it out.

To anyone else, this seems like a completely ridiculous thing to do over a tiny, minuscule spot. There would have been a bunch of other ways to go about fixing that spot.

Figuring out what it was the plant needed that might not have been given to it yet.

Taking care of it in a different, individual way so it would have been able to thrive again.

Listening to the plant and letting it tell you why its spot appeared in the first place.

Telling the plant, that loves and relies on you entirely, you love it too, despite it not being without fault, despite of it not fully living up to your unreachable standards of perfection.

Caring for the plant not because you want it to be perfect, but because you're okay with it being imperfect.

(We're no longer talking about plants here, as you are probably aware.)

Alas, this isn't what Crowley does. Because it wasn't what God did, either. We still know very little about Crowley's actual Fall and the Fall of Lucifer and the rest. But we do know that Crowley was never like or even with them.

All he did was ask some questions. A tiny spot. A seemingly insignificant blemish in the luxurious, beautiful flora of Heaven.

And yet, before he knew it, he did a "million lightyear freestyle dive into a boiling pool of sulfur". Cast out, chucked away, just like his little spotty plant. And for what? Well ...

... to keep the others angels plants check, for the rest of time.

***

(Addendum from the comments: If we go by what the book tells us, Crowley doesn’t actually end up violently throwing out the ‚bad‘ plants. He just finds a different place for them and makes sure they‘re looked after. So much to him being a big, bad, meanie-mean demon.)

[heartilywrites]

A Korra x fire princess please. 🙏

Maybe R is apart of the team but no one other than Tenzin knows about her being the princess of the fire nation for security reasons whilst she’s not in the fire nation. Though when trouble arises in the fire nation capitol, team avatar is needed… how will this play out?

،، 𝓦ho is it.ᐣ ; Korra

requesting guide | masterlist

summary: where you have to face reality now.

content warning: fluff ; angst if you squint enough ; Korra x fem!reader ; established relationship ; i think i didn't add r bending status ; zuko cameo ! ; no use of y/n ; banner does not represent reader in any way, just for the aesthetic

wc: 2.3k

a/n: OMG HI 👋🏼 im really sorry for taking this long to answer your request, it's been crazy days u know? but hopefully I'll get everyone's rq soon. im sorry if this is shit im coming out a writers block forcefully.. THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING, LOVE, ENJOY:D

“ I'm never going back now, it'd be so sweet if things just stayed the same.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “That’s not fair!” the avatar’s voice was heard all over the place, back planted on the floor while you were sitting over her waist to pin her down completely. Her hands removed the piece of cloth over her eyes and when blue eyes met yours, Korra smirked. “Okay, maybe it is fair, I like this view.”

Funnily, your eyes rolled and a second later your legs were moving to stand up. Korra made an offended noise before taking your legs to pin you as you did with her.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hey! We already finished training, missy!” over giggles, you said, tapping her thighs softly to try and make her move. “You were the one saying how great of a bender you were with your eyes closed.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Yeah, but I am certain you were cheating somehow.” Korra’s face got closer to yours, her unstable breaths mixed with yours. “You owe me for that.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Do I now?” the question came in such a low voice that you were sure that it could totally not be heard by the girl, but she did and was so enthusiastic to give you her answer when the sound of a male tone clearing his throat made you two look up.

A very serious Tenzin met your gaze, Korra was quick to stand up and help you in the way. “Tenzin, hi! How can we help you today?” she spoke for the two of you.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “We have a situation and the Fire Nation needs you,” gray eyes were fixated on you when naming the nation and then moved to the avatar. “Well, they need the whole team, actually.”

As the master airbender went on to explain the situation, your mind disconnected completely from the conversation. You didn’t feel ready… No, you were, in fact, not ready at all to face the royal family again.

Truth being told, there was totally something Korra didn’t know about you: you were the princess of the Fire Nation who for security reasons had fled the palace after being threatened alongside the young crowned prince, Iroh, to death by a noble family wanting to take control over the succession line on the throne. Iroh was safe on his own, he joined the United Forces just in time and there was no way they could get to him while being a general, but you? You had to change entirely, from appearance to personality. A younger you was scared, but somehow excited; it was like acting in a play, no? You had always wondered how it would be to be an actress and destiny gave you the opportunity in such an ironic scenario.

The royal family trusted Tenzin with your safety and they made the right decision, the airbender and his wife had adopted you as their own telling everyone how you were Pema’s niece who, due to unfortunate events, was an orphan and not a single soul thought of questioning it. Back at the Fire Nation, the royal family had said how they were keeping the princess safe from any threat, but that was all they extended to the population. Every now and then you heard rumors about how the princess was probably dead by now, how the royal family had locked her in her room or how they changed her for a commoner to ensure her life and just one theory had come close to what really happened. Since your appearance had changed to such a point that even Iroh took his time recognizing you the first time he visited, no one knew you were the lost princess, it was even more difficult now since you grew and your teen factions had started to fade away.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You go ahead, sweetie, I just need to talk with my uncle about some things.” you answered when the avatar asked you if you were going with her to tell the others the plan.

Her head nodded and she gave you a small peck before leaving the gym. “See you at dinner, then!”

Both sets of eyes followed the southerner, once you made sure she was gone you turned to Tenzin. “Have you told them?” you were quick to ask, concern painted over your face.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “No, Your Highness.” he shook his head, a small grimace started to show on your face.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Tenzin, I have known you since I was eleven,” crossed your arms over your chest. “I told you there’s no need to call me ‘Your Highness’, I see you as an uncle.” a small smile was exchanged between the two of you before a tired sigh left your mouth. “They’re going to kill me the second they all recognize me in the group!”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “We can tell them that you got sick and make you stay with Pema and the kids.” while he was trying to find a solution, your hands were pulling your face down in distress.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Korra will insist that it’s a quick task.” you knew your girlfriend so well that you had already thought of every possibility in your mind. “Do you think it’s too late to burn the side of my face? I mean, it could be a tradition, couldn’t it?”

Giving you a disapproving look to such question and some scolding words, Tenzin made the two of you go back home and as said, when you tried to tell Korra how you felt like you were starting to get sick, she responded with a ‘We’ll just go and come, honey, I’m sure new airs could help your flu’. You gave Tenzin a look of ‘I told you’, he shook his head.

Your desperation and nervousness grew with every kilometer the group traveled to your hometown. You tried to stay as calm as possible to not allow them to catch on to your humor, but it was nearly impossible when you started to recognize the streets Iroh and you used to play or just walk in.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Babe, are you okay?” she asked softly when her eyes met your face for the first time, your hand held tighter to hers. “Is something wrong?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Korra, listen,” with your heart threatening to leave your chest, you tried to talk to her. “There’s something I haven’t told you about me.”

When you tried to continue, the so familiar voice called. “Avatar Korra!” the named girl turned to the Fire Lord, you hid behind her without letting go of her hand. “We’re so happy to have you here, come in! I wouldn’t have bothered you if we weren’t so desperate for help.”

You tried your best to stay low the whole time, avoiding to look at any family member in the eyes or even talk in case they remembered how your voice sounded, so far you were doing so well. Korra didn’t push either since she was already busy with the Fire Lord trying to help the nation, two days after the mission was so close to finishing, you could feel how your life could go back to tranquility and not receive a single scolding or punishment from any of your family on how they had sent you away to stay alienate from any danger and you just ran to join the avatar on her team to help the world. You had already came to terms of living out of the palace, so if they made you go back just to lock you away you knew you couldn't handle it.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Princess?” the voice of the former Fire Lord made you freeze in your step.

It was too good to be true.

The whole team turned to face the man. “Oh, Zuko, hey!” Korra greeted, a bit confused. “Can we help you with anything?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Korra, it is always a pleasure to have you here.” he greeted back, his brows furrowed. “What are you doing traveling with the princess?” he asked, his amber eyes never abandoned your face.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “What…?” sky colored eyes turned to you, your own fixated on the old man. “I think you’re confused, Zuko, this is my girlfriend–”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Grandfather, I can explain.” your gaze was blurry from the tears accumulating in your eyes, the view of the older man had made you emotional, he looked different to what you remember, but those gentle eyes always stayed the same.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Wow, wait, time out.” Bolin’s voice sounded. “You’re the lost princess?”

Your head nodded, slowly turning your gaze to Korra, whose eyes were already pinned on you. Dimmer than you’ve ever seen them and you knew what that look meant; Korra felt betrayed. Betrayed by the way she was kept from that information, betrayed by Tenzin for not saying a word and most importantly, betrayed by you. She felt as if you didn’t trust her enough to tell her your situation, like you thought she couldn’t protect you from those said were trying to harm you.

Her feet made her walk away from you and when you tried to follow her, the elderly man stopped you with his hand.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You and I need to have a serious talk, young lady.” he said, his tone didn’t sound like he was angry. He sounded concerned.

As said, a very long talk was exchanged between the two of you. Zuko wanted to know why you would put yourself at such risk when the family was trying to ensure that you lived your life calmly -that was expected, wasn’t it?- and your initial argument was how you wanted to help people, how Korra’s cause in making the humans and spirits live along was something you’d wanted since little when he told Iroh and you stories about the spirit world and he understood that completely, after all he did kind of the same when joining Aang, didn’t he?

He assured you how he wouldn’t tell another soul about it if you promised to be careful and maybe start writing to him again like you used to do the first years you were away from the nation. After the talk with the firebender, you were determined to find Korra and explain it all; it wasn’t that hard to find her, walking at the halls connecting one side of the palace to the other, you saw a familiar blue silhouette sitting near a pond where small turtle ducks were swimming around.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hey, cutie.” you called, trying to test the waters. She didn’t look up. “I'm looking for the avatar, have you seen her?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Your Highness.” hoarsely greeted back, your shoulders raised a bit to such name she voiced.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Spirits, I hate that so much.” you said sitting next to her, your body completely turned to hers. “Can we talk? Please…”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I don’t really think there’s much to say, after all, I don’t know you.” the way she was speaking to you hurt like hell, but the last words felt like a dagger to your heart.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Korra, it wasn’t my intention keeping this from you.” your hand tried to take hers, at first she thought of taking it away, but the warm touch your skin had on hers made her keep the gesture. “I was told not to talk to a single soul about it. Tenzin and Pema only know because they were instructed to keep an eye in case anyone tried to attack me… Again.”

Her eyes now looked at you, eyebrows furrowed. “Again? Wasn’t it just empty threats?”

Your head moved from side to side, one eye closed. “Kind of, but the week before I moved to Republic City they were able to infiltrate the palace somehow and I was the first one to be found.” you started, lifting a little bit of your shirt to show a scar on your abdomen. “I fought against them while waiting for the guards and got a pretty cool souvenir.”

Her eyes looked at the scar, she was familiar with it, you had told her it happened when you were a kid. You had “tripped and got hurt while playing in the forest.” and now that she thought about it, it did sound a bit off, but back then she didn’t ask much of it.

Ice colored eyes looked back at you, a sweet smile was what she received back.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Everything I do is to protect you and myself,” you continued. “I'm really sorry for hurting you in the process, Korra, but don’t let this come between us. Besides my scar and title, everything else I have told you is completely true and myself.”

The silence the avatar was in felt like an eternity, you couldn’t know what she was thinking about, if she wanted to break up with you or give you a chance. “No more secrets.” she finally spoke, making you smile big, she followed your action. “Does this mean I'm part of the Royal family too?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Well... I don’t have a betrothal necklace nor you have an engagement ring, so... Not yet.” a small giggle left your mouth, the avatar cut the distance between the two of you to leave a small kiss on your lips.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Did you get grounded for coming here?” she whispered, her eyes now looked soft, as they usually were when Korra was with you.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I got a long talk about safety and anecdotes from avatar Aang's time, but not a single scold from the Fire Lord herself... My grandfather knows how to keep a secret.” you finished, frowning a bit the tip of your nose. “But we do need to leave as soon as this is over before she recognizes me, if the Fire Lord does we will be facing a distance relationship.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Heard, ma'am.” she straightened her back and made a salute, making you laugh. “We'll take a bag of fire flakes, they're so good.”

[ofaflower]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐎𝐄𝐓𝐒 𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 - 𝐓𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐖𝐈𝐅𝐓

The following are lyric based starters from Taylor Swift's eleventh studio album, The Tortured Poets Department (Standard Version). Mature subjects implied within, so please use with caution. Feel free to change pronoun usage as needed. Minor edits may appear to sound more natural for dialogue. Link to 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘.

FORTNIGHT (FT. POST MALONE)

i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me

i was a functioning alcoholic

nobody noticed my new aesthetic

all of this to say, i hope you're okay

you're the reason

no one here's to blame

what about your quiet treason?

we were forever

your wife waters flowers

i wanna kill her

i took the miracle move on drug, the effects were temporary

i love you, it's ruining my life

my husband is cheating, i wanna kill him

it won't start up

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

you left your typewriter at my apartment

straight from the tortured poets department

who uses typewriters anyway?

you're in self sabotage mode

i've seen this episode, still i love the show

who else decodes you?

who's gonna hold you like me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

you're not dylan thomas, i'm not patti smith

this ain't the chelsea hotel

we're modern idiots

nobody, no fucking body

i chose this cyclone with you

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me

you told lucy you'd kill yourself if i ever leave

i felt seen

everyone we know understands why we're meant to be - cause we're crazy

you took my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one people put wedding rings on - and that's the closest i've come to my heart exploding

MY BOY ONLY BREAKS HIS FAVOURITE TOYS

oh, here we go again...

the voices in his head called the rain to end our days of wild

you should've seen him when he first got me

my boy only breaks his favourite toys

i'm queen of sandcastles he destroys

i should've known it was a matter of time

there was a litany of reasons why we could've played for keeps this time

i know i'm just repeating myself

he runs because he loves me

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me

just say when, i'd play again

you were my best friend

you told me i'm better off, but i'm not

DOWN BAD

did you really beam me up, in a cloud of sparkling dust, just to do experiments on?

you told me i was the chosen one

you showed me this world was bigger than us, then sent me back where i came from

for a moment, i new cosmic love

fuck it if i can't have him

i might just die, it would make no difference

come back and pick me up

fuck it if i can't have us

i might just not get up, i might stay down bad

did you take all my old clothes?

my same old town, somehow feels so hollow now

they'll say i'm nuts if i talk about the existence of you

for a moment i was heaven struck

i loved your hostile takeovers

how can you say that it's over?

how dare you think it's romantic, leaving me safe and stranded

fuck it, i was in love

fuck you if i can't have us

SO LONG, LONDON

so long, london

i saw, in my mind, fairy lights through the mist

i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift

i pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away

i stopped trying to make you laugh

how much sad did you think i had in me?

oh, the tragedy

you'll find someone

i didn't opt in to be your odd man out

i founded the club you've heard great things about

i left all i knew, then you left me at the house by the heath

i stopped cpr, after all it's no use

i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free

i'll find someone

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it with my white knuckle iron grip holding tight to your quiet resentment

it isn't right to be scared everyday of a love affair

every breath feels like rarest air when you're unsure if he wants to be there

just how long did you think i'd go before i self-implode and have to go free?

you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?

i died on the alter waiting

you sacrificed us to the blue of your darkest days

i'm just getting colour back into my face

i'm just mad as hell cause i loved this place for so long

we had a good run

a moment of sun

i'm not the one

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM

i forget how the west was won

i forget if this was ever fun

i just learned these people only raise you to cage you

what a mess

these people try and "save you", cause they hate you

they slammed the door on my whole world and the one thing i wanted

but daddy i love him

i'm having his baby - no i'm not, but you should see your faces

i'm having his baby

floor it through the fences

no, i'm not "coming to my senses"

i know he's crazy but he's the one i want

all my plans were laid

growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all

stay away from her

i'll tell you something right now, i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning

let me tell you about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace

i dont' cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing

god save the most judgmental creeps

you ain't gotta pray for me

fuck 'em - it's over

time, doesn't it give some perspective?

no, you can't come to the wedding

FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER

now pretty baby, i'm running back home to you

fresh out the slammer, i know who my first call will be to

he don't understand me

you were with me in dreams

it's gonna be alright, i did my time

i was handcuffed to the spell i was under

now i know better and i'll never lose my baby again

all those nights, you kept me going

you weaved me into all of your poems

no matter what i've done - it wouldn't matter away

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up now that i know what's at stake here

FLORIDA!!! (FEAT. FLORENCE + THE MACHINE)

you can beat the heat if you beat the charges too

they said i was cheat, so i guess it must be true

my friends all smell like weed or little babies

the city reeks of driving myself crazy

little did you know, your home's really only a town you're just a guest in

packed my life away just stay in a timeshare down in destin, florida

florida is one hell of a drug

florida will use you up

i got drunk and dared it wash me away

me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time

yes, i'm haunted but i'm feeling just fine

all of my girls have got their lace and their crimes

your cheating husband disappeared?

well, no one asks any questions here

i did my best to lay to rest all of the bodies that'd ever been on my body where in my mind they sink into the swamp

is that a bad thing to say in a song?

i need to forget

take me to florida

i've got some regrets, i'll bury them in florida

tell me i'm despicable, say it's unforgivable

at least the dolls were beautiful

fuck me up, florida

GUILTY AS SIN?

he sent me "downtown lights", i hadn't heard it in a while

my boredom's bone deep

this cage was once just fine

am i allowed to cry?

i dream of cracking locks and throwing my life to the wolves - or the ocean rocks

i'm seeing visions

am i bad or mad or wise?

what if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh, only in my mind?

oh, what a way to die

i keep recalling things we never did

how i long for our tryst

without ever touching your skin, how can i be guilty as sin?

i keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault

someone told me: there's no such thing as bad thoughts - only your actions talk

we've already done it in my head

if it's make believe, why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

my bedsheets were ablaze, i screamed your name

what if i roll the stone away?

they're gonna crucify me anyway?

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

if long suffering propriety is what they want from me, they don't know how you've haunted me so suddenly

i choose you and me, religiously

WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?

the who's who of "who's that?" - is poised for the attack

my bare hands paved their path

you don't get to tell me about sad

if you wanted me dead, you should've just said

nothing makes me feel more alive

she'll leap from the gallows and levitate down our street

who's afraid of little old me?

the scandal was contained

the bullet had just grazed

at all costs, keep your good name

you don't get to tell me you feel bad

is it a wonder i broke? let's hear one more joke then we can all just laugh until i cry

i was tame, i was gentle til the circus life made me mean

don't you worry folks, we took out all her teeth

who's afraid of little old me? you should be

so tell me everything is not about me - but what if it is?

they say they didn't do it to hurt me - but what if they did?

i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

all your kids can sneak into my house with all the cobwebs

i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all say?

i'll sue you if you step on my lawn

i'm fearsome, and i'm wretched, and i'm wrong

i put narcotics into all of my songs, that's why you're still singing along

you lured me, you caged me, and you taught me

you caged me then called me crazy

i am what i am cause you trained me

who's afraid of me?

I CAN FIX HIM (NO REALLY, I CAN)

the jokes he told across the bar were revolting and way too loud

god help her

he's my man

but your good lord doesn't need to lift a finger

i can i fix him, no really - i can

the dopamine raced through his brain on a six-lane texas highway

i could see it from a mile away

you're a perfect case for my certain skill set

he had a halo of the highest grade

he just hadn't met me yet

i can fix him

only i can

good boy, that's right - come close

i'll show you heaven if you'll be an angel all night

trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man

whoa, maybe i can't...

loml

who's gonna stop us from falling back into rekindled flames if we know the steps anyway?

we embroidered memories of my time away, stitching "we were just kids babe"

i don't mind, it takes time

thought that i was better safe than starry-eyed

i felt aglow like this - never before and never since

if you know it in one glimpses, it's legendary

you and i went from one kiss to getting married

you low down boy, you stand up guy

you told me i'm the love of your life about a million times

who's gonna tell me the truth when you blew in with the winds of fate, saying i had reformed you?

your impressionist paintings of us turned out to be fakes

well, you dragged me to hell too

a con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme

i felt a hole, like this - never before and ever since

what we thought was for all time, was temporary

mister "steal your girl, and make her cry"

you said i'm the love of your life

you shit talked me under tables, talking rings and talking cradles

i wish i could un-recall how we almost had it all

are they second-hand embarrassed?

i can't get out of bed cause something counterfeit's dead

it was legendary

it was momentary

it was unnecessary

should've let us stay buried

what a valiant roar

what a bland goodbye

the coward claimed he was a lion

i'll never leave

never mind

i'll still see it til i die

you're the loss of my life

I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART

i can read your mind

she's having the time of her life

in her glittering prime the light refracts sequin stars off her silhouette every night

i can show you lies

i'm a real tough kid

i can handle my shit

they said "fake it til you make it", and i did

lights, camera, bitch, smile - even when you wanna die

he said he'd love me all his life - but that life was quite short

all the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting more

i can do it with a broken heart

i'm so depressed, i act like it's my birthday everyday

i'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague

i cry alot, but i am so productive - it's an art

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart

i can hold my breath, i've been doing it since you left

i'm sure i can pass this test

he said he'd love me for all time but that time was quite short

i'm miserable and nobody even knows!

THE SMALLEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED

was any of it true?

gazing at me starry-eyed in your jehovah's witness suit, who the fuck was that guy?

he tried to buy some pills from a friend of friends of mine

they just ghosted you, now you know what it feels like

i don't even want you back, i just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal?

i don't miss what we had but could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived?

you hung me on your wall, stacked me with your push pins where in public you showed me off - then sank to stoned oblivion

once your queen had come, you treat her like an also-ran

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

were you writing a book?

were you a sleeper cell spy?

in fifty years, will all this be declassified and you'll confess why you did it

good riddance

it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden

i would have died for your sins, instead i just died inside

you deserve prison but you won't get time

you'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars

you crashed my party and your rental car

you said normal girls were boring, but you were gone by the morning

in plain sight you hid

you are what you did

i'll forget you but i'll never forgive the smallest man who ever lived

THE ALCHEMY

this happens once every few lifetimes

what if i told you i'm back?

the hospital was a drag, worst sleep that i ever had

i haven't come around in so long, but i'm coming back so strong

so when i touch down, call the amateurs and cut them from the team

ditch the clowns, get the crown

baby, i'm the one to beat

the sign on your heart says it's still reserved for me

honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

hey you, what if i told you we're cool? that child's play back in school is forgiven under my rule

i'm making a comeback to where i belong

these blokes warm the benches

we've been on a winning streak

he jokes that it's "heroin", but this time with an "E"

there's no chance try to beat the greatest in the league?

where's the trophy?

CLARA BOW

you look like clara bow in this light, remarkable

all your life, did you know you'd be picked, like a rose?

i'm not trying to exaggerate - but i think i might die if it happened to me

no one in my small town thought i'd see the lights of manhattan

this town is fake, but you're the real thing

a breath of fresh air through smoke rings

take the glory

give everything

promise to be dazzling

you look like stevie nicks in '75, the hair and lips

the crowd goes wild at your fingertips

i think i might if i made it

no one in my small town thought i'd meet these suits in L.A.

beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours demanding more

only when your girlish glow flickers just so, do they let you know

it's hell on earth to be heavenly

them's the breaks they don't come gently

you look like taylor swift in this light, we're loving it

you've got edge, she never did

the future's bright

dazzling

[hobbit-in-kuroshitsuji]

Kuroshitcember 2022 Prompt Nr. 15

Prompt: A day in the life of a Trancy servant

You can find all prompts here!

All of these will be uploaded/archived to this blog's Ao3 eventually

Summary: "The demons working at the Trancy estate knew not to sneak. If they stuck to the shadows, they would touch the outsides of Claude’s webs and stir the spider to go on a hunt for what had caused the vibrations. And if they were caught sneaking, Claude would have no reason not to strike." CW: depictions of trauma responses, suicidal intentions, and depression. on the positive side, there's some uh demon flirting 👀

(I'm doing something a little different here - this is an excerpt of a story I'm working on - so this is a rough draft please excuse any odd stuff. This is my interpretation of the Trancy household should they be in the manga, and it kinda incorporates some for all servants of the household....? and a bit of Sebastian too even.... I hope you enjoy the sneak peak!!)

The demons working at the Trancy estate knew not to sneak. If they stuck to the shadows, they would touch the outsides of Claude’s webs and stir the spider to go on a hunt for what had caused the vibrations. And if they were caught sneaking, Claude would have no reason not to strike.

That was how Claude stayed in control. Fear of someone stronger than them. Fear that the one who helped them feed would stop. Fear that the one who let them stay near the person they wanted to help, would change his mind. 

Not all demons were apt enough to work with contracts. It required a finesse. It required a restraint, one even Claude barely had. And not all demons were after food.

So when something was sneaking around, stirring Claude’s webs, Claude had no plan to hold back.

Until he saw who it was.

Turning the doorknob, Claude entered a guest bedroom. Most guest bedrooms had barely been used since his master moved in, offering few social events due to his master’s fiery personality and lack of motivation for such trivialities. At least, that had been the case until as of late, hence why the guest bedrooms had been cleaned and tidied in preparation.

This one was no different. Its dust free, perfected state lay untouched behind the locked door, bed made and pillows fluffed. It lay dormant, waiting for hell to break loose as it always did in the Trancy household. It rested. Patient.

And it was dark. Thunder sounded far off, but it would not bother his master during the night, wind pushing the clouds away from the mansion. However, it did make the evening much darker than normal, hence why Claude held candles in his hand to give off the illusion he needed it to see in the dark.

This time, he used it scare away the shadows, until one did not flinch at the yellow light.

Closing the door behind Claude, he stepped inside the dormant bedroom, yellow-golden eyes immediately finding the shadow.

“Breaking and entering is punishable by human law.”

The shadow faded. Sebastian stepped out, straightening his suit. Red eyes flashed evilly toward Claude. An angry warning to not try anything.

Claude was not phased. But someone had stirred his web, and he would deal with it in whatever way was appropriate.

“Your butler aesthetic would be hurt if you ended up in jail.”

“Ah, so you will call the police then?” Sebastian was testing Claude, voice mocking. They stayed standing on opposite ends of the room staring, unblinking, toward each other. The candle light flickered from a cold draft. “You should get that looked at.”

“I am perfectly capable of tending to the mansion.”

“Are you?”

Claude bit down a remark, jaw tensing.

“I see you have yet to call the police.”

“I am not in need of human laws.”

“No,” Sebastian purred, smirking, “I figured that was the case the moment I entered your… lair.”

Claude’s eye twitched, but he refrained from correcting Sebastian’s words, knowing the demon was trying to get a reaction out of him. “I have heard of you. You are quite well known for choosing excellent meals. I have no doubt your new master is the same.”

“Why thank you, I-“ Sebastian paused, words sinking in.

Claude smirked.

Red eyes flashed once more, and the other demon took a few steps forward. The candles flickered once more, and a distant rumble of thunder vibrated throughout the room. A few drops of rain splattered against the window: a warning of the storm that was about to start.

“I take it your master received our invitation?” Claude offered instead, voice as unmoving and monotone as possible - wanting to offer not a single hint for Sebastian to report back to his master. “Are you here to check whether the pillows are goose feathers or not? I could answer that in a letter too.”

“No need. My master will be bringing his own pillows. He struggles with anything less than perfect, you see.” Sebastian had the gall to not even send a look toward Claude’s pillows. “And we know we need to bring pillows here.”

“Then, if I may, what are you doing here?”

“Ah, I meant not to stir you.” Sebastian took a few more steps closer. “If I had known I would be stepping onto someone else’s hunting grounds, I would have knocked first. I am simply here to… observe.”

“Observe what?” Claude asked.

“I do not know. Is there anything here I ought not to observe? Anything out of the unusual you wish to hide?”

Claude smirked. “Are you asking me whether there’s something going on that would not be happening at another mansion? If so, you should know better by now. I would not waste my time observing the workings of a butler when I already know how they function. Perhaps you wish to learn something from your betters.”

A chuckle left Sebastian, as if he was impressed by the mere sass of the demon before him. “Yes, as I mentioned, though I do not fault you for having hearing problems when working for such a brat who does not know how to speak with a voice meant for inside… I did not know who the butler would be.”

“Figures.” Claude stepped to the side and opened the bedroom door. “Might I escort you out?”

“You may.” Sebastian took the moment of passing by Claude to pause, turn his head, and flash an alluringly seductive look, gaze trailing down the other demon’s form. This time, when his eyes flashed red, Sebastian leaned in a little closer. To humans it would look like invading someone’s personal space. But Sebastian had already done that by stepping into Claude’s web. This was… seduction.

Demons rarely touched others. Others rarely touched them. Even when in bed with a mortal, demons offered the touches, and wanted no affection back. It was a by-product of the vastness of Hell, and the viciousness of demons toward one another. If there was food, demons had to fight for it. There was no love to share. Close proximity was not normal for these creatures aside from using one another. … right? “Aside from the pillows, there’s little wrong with the mansion. My master and I look forward to visiting.”

“My master and I appreciate your kind words.” Claude bowed, successfully bringing himself even closer to Sebastian, who turned his head down to stare at Claude. Both demons licked their lips. Took a moment to stay close to the other, then straightened back up again to glare at the other. “Though we would appreciate little sneaking.”

Sebastian let out another little purr, lip tugging up into a smirk. But he did not reply, instead exiting the guest bedroom and disappearing back out into the shadows. Claude pursed his lips in annoyance. His web lay dormant again.

But he needed to keep his guard up this Christmas, that was for sure.

…

Hours later, when the sun had risen once more, Alois Trancy stood on the roof of his mansion, staring up at the heavens. They were an orange colour at this hour, the sun peaking up from behind tree tops in the far distance. A chill hung in the air from last night’s distant thunderstorm, but the young Earl still stood only in his robes, with nothing underneath. His feet carried him to the edge, toes curling around it. Rain had made things slippery, but Alois was not scared.

He was smiling up at the heavens. Up there, gates to heaven were said to exist which don’t turn any lost soul away. An embrace from a God should exist there… A man so powerful he could create whatever he wanted. But that God had left Alois stuck under his own boot, stuck in an hell where he had no words, no energy to fight back, anymore. No help had come from above… but below.

And now? Now, Alois didn’t need to create anything for himself. He could be all powerful on his own. Now it didn’t matter anymore whether he could fall down a roof and break and crack every bone in his body - because he couldn’t crack his body. Because…

“Your Highness?”

“Claude,” Alois said with a smirk, turning his gaze away from the sky.

“You were not in bed this morning.”

“Obviously,” spat Alois.

Beneath him, Alois noticed Timber, Thompson and Canterbury standing waiting, a net stretched out between them as they stood in a triangle. They were ready to catch Alois in a web.

It made the young boy laugh. Slow at first, then louder and louder.

They were used to this.

It was laughable.

Why did it matter to them outside of a contract…?

“You should come back inside.” Claude calmly walked over the roof toward his master, watching him through narrowed eyes.

“Why?” Alois asked, turning his head to glance at the demon over his shoulder. A nasty glare was present on the boy’s face that darkened his features into less of a victim, and more of a deprived evil.

A silence followed his question. Demon and human stared at each other, neither wanting to be the one forced to speak for different reasons. One wished not to admit the lack of caring. One did not want to admit caring. And vice versa.

Gritting his teeth, Alois finally caved in to his anger: “Answer me, Claude!” No order was given, so Claude remained quiet, attempting to teach his master how their deal worked. “ANSWER ME!” Alas, his master’s patience was not enough.

Stomping his foot childishly, angrily, Alois did the one thing he ought not to when standing barefeet on a slippery roof. Claude, expressionless, watched as Alois’ foot slipped and he went tumbling off. The angry face of the human disappeared in a second to show fear, before disappearing from Claude’s view completely.

Calmly, Claude took his glasses off and cleaned them. A solitary rain drop had landed on his glasses from the lonesome, dark cloud still hanging in the air. With his glasses clean, Claude walked to the edge of the roof and looked down. There, Alois was lying in the triplet’s net, cackling to himself with his hands over his stomach, as if this was the greatest thing to have ever happened to him. Tears escaped the young lord’s eyes from laughter… and sadness…

Hannah watched from inside, hand over her mouth and eyes fearful from having seen the boy fall.

But he had not come to harm.

Jumping out of the net, Alois started dancing; twirling around with his robes spread out as if he was wearing a beautiful ball gown, jumping along as if a partner was guiding him, and humming to himself to an imaginary track playing in his mind. The courtyard was void of garden furniture at this time of the year, offering Alois plenty of space to fool around.

Finally, Alois posed, hands in the air, and turned his gaze up to Claude. Grinning widely, Alois shouted: “Claude! I did as you asked! I came down from the roof!” before falling back into a fit of cackles again.

“Indeed…” Claude hummed, his expression monotone.

Bored.

__ taglist: @eemoo1o-animoo

[vanilladaises-rp]

YANDERE BACKSTORY #2

(Tw:bullying, slight violence. Lmk if i missed anything. Also I wanted the other person to be gender neutral, I’m gonna try to make them all that way but I couldn’t find a gender neutral name that I’d like so you get to pick, when you see (insert name) you can use yours or anyone you come up with. Enjoy!)

KIM HONGJOONG

•Ever since Hongjoong was a kid, he was always a bit different than the other kids, especially the boys.

•Sure he liked playing sports or with cars but he also loved making bracelets and painting. (a/n: not trying to place these activities with particular genders, you can like anything despite your gender 🫶🏻)

•He was also very shy and more sensitive than other kids, he would cry at the slightest injury or groan the rest of the day for ruining his painting. He became self conscious at a young age and was hard on himself a lot.

•And it wasn’t because of his parents actually, they were very supportive of him and loved him just how he was, they did try helping him with his stutter and shyness as much as they could hoping it would help him open up or make friends.

•Hongjoong was also a star student, he exceeded expectations in all his classes and subjects, he was known as the smartest kid in school which many say was a blessing but to him was a curse.

•Up til high school was up picked on a lot for it, they’d pull pranks on him or call him names, even would get beaten up every now and then. And his teachers didn’t help, they always tell him to ignore others or to just keep focus on his studies

•Hongjoong never told his parents about the bullying either because he was ashamed and didn’t want to burden them since they both work very busy jobs. He continued to deal with the pain until high school, that’s when he changed his aesthetic completely

•He was still a straight A student but became more “hot” as his classmates would say, but he was new to having so much attraction towards him, so he panicked when it came to social interactions.

•More students wanted to be his friend, some even his date, but he soon realized it was either only because of his looks or because they needed help studying. He never met anyone who truly cared him, that is until he was introduced to (insert name).

•Hongjoong was asked by the school specifically to show the new kid around and He was completely nervous since he was very introverted and once he saw Hera, his brain completely shut down.

•Hera was so beautiful it made his stomach twist, "H-Hi, I'm H-Hongjoong" he introduced himself, holding out a shaky hand. He'd spent the morning showing them around campus and Hongjoong found out Hera was just as nerdy as him.

•The two had so much in common and became really good friends since that day, they spent everyday together, going to the mall, amusement park and even prom.

•Hongjoong was so madly in love and would do anything for (insert name), but he was too scared to confess, afraid maybe they didn't feel the same and didn't want to ruin their friendship. He came close to kissing Hera on prom night, but let his fears get to him again.

•After high school, Hongjoong and Hera ended up going to the same university surprisingly. Hongjoong was supposed to go study abroad but changed his plan completely to stay near Hera.

•But even though they were attending the same uni, they became more distance than ever. Both were so piled up with essays and assignments, it made it hard for them to hangout like they did before.

•Nonetheless, Hongjoong's feelings for Hera never went away, if anything they grew stronger. Hongjoong had arranged his schedule to have a day off for her. He was fed up with holding back and was planning to confess today.

•Hongjoong should have notified Hera first but already knew they had the second tuesday of each month off so decided to surprise them instead. He showed up to their dorm door with flowers and a gift.

•Once he was ready, Hongjoong to a deep breath and knocked on their door. His stomach doing jumping jacks as he waited for them to answer but once they did, his heart completely dropped. Hera was half naked with another person in their dorm.

•He completely froze, his heart shattered to pieces realizing he was too late, Hera had already moved on. Hongjoong dropped the stuff and ran out of the building feeling heartbroken but completely embarrassed.

•He ran to his car instead of his dorm since his roommate was there, and completely broke down. Hongjoong was angry at Hera, he was upset with himself for waiting so long but also upset that Hera found someone so fast.

•Hera had tried calling Hongjoong multiple times and even showed up to his dorm, but his roommate covered for him by making up excuses as to why he wasn't there. He knew he'd have to face Hera eventually, he just wasn't ready yet.

•After months, Hongjoong finally agreed to meet up with Hera before the end of the school year. He was nervous but knew it was time or he may never get closure.

•They met up at the library's cafe and joong was finally able to confess his feelings, "Since day one I've loved you, and each day after that it only grew, my love for you grew Hera. I-I never told you though because I afraid of rejection, but more scared of losing you" he sighed, "So I tried showing you by my actions instead, buying you coffee before school or painting you your favorite characters"

•Hera listened to everything he said and each word made them feel worse than before, they began to cry halfway through his confession and waited a few seconds to respond once he was finished.

•"I-I never knew you felt this way joong, but I should've. I just always seen you as a friend joong. I never intended to hurt you" their voice cracked.

•Both spent another hour talking and joong came to the conclusion they could no longer be friends, just like he feared. It took him time to heal and he spent all summer trying to by surrounding himself with family but still felt this pain in his chest that he couldn't seem to get rid of.

•Once the new year kicked in, Joong was back on campus hoping for it to be better than last year. And after a few months it was, he kept focus on his studies and joined the chess club which gained him more friends. At one of their meetings, he had heard from Hera's roommate who was also a member of the club that their so called boyfriend/girlfriend had completely used Hera for sex

•"They're completely heartbroken Hongjoong, that asshole has been telling everyone it was a summer fling, when it was much more. They keep telling all the other boys in his frat house about it and is spreading the most degrading things about Hera"

•Hearing this made him furious, even though the two were no longer friends that doesn't mean he no longer cares for them. After the meeting he couldn't stop thinking about Hera, he wanted to hold them and wipe away their tears. He wanted to show that he'd do anything to protect them.

•Joong spent the rest of the evening thinking of how to make that dipshit pay. Only one thing came to mind, it was risky and super dangerous but has his father always says "I would do anything for the ones I love" and that's exactly what he was going to do. For Hera.

•Hera's ex was throwing a back to school party with bis frat boys which gave him the perfect opportunity to take his shot. Joong prepared himself until the night finally arrived.

•This time, he had no fears nor was he afraid his mind was clouded with angry and wanted to cause that asshole pain, just like he did to Hera.

•Hongjoong hid in the shadows of the party until he notice their ex heading to one of the room’s with a other girl/boy. He followed far behind but put his arms between the door and then frame before he could close it.

•”What the hell?” (ex’s name) spat, but joong ignored him completely, pushing out their hookup before closing the door with just him and their ex. “What the hell is this abo-” “Shut the fuck up” Joong growled, gritting his teeth before punching the man straight in the jaw

•”Don’t open your fucking mouth again, I swear if you do I’ll watch you burn alive” he ordered punching the man again, “What gives you the right to hurt my precious flower? You think you could just fuck with their feelings and then just leave?” He yelled

•Hongjoong was only supposed to beat him up but the man only made joong more angry, “I made it clear it was just a fling man, it’s not my fault Hera is so dense” he spat which drew joong over the edge.

•Hongjoong pulled out a lamson kitchen knife and stabbed the man multiple times in the chest then his throat. Once joong has realized he was dead, he panicked a bit but felt more relieved than ever. He set the house on fire but lucky no one else was hurt.

•After a few weeks, it was still a mystery as to who killed (ex’s name) and who set the house on fire, Hongjoong completely disappeared since but showed up infront of Hera’s door

•They smiled after not seeming him for so long but noticed he was different, joong seemed more dark and mysterious than before, “J-Joong? It’s b-been so long, how’ve yo-” “I want you” he said flat.

•”W-What?” “I want you to be mine, I need you to be mine. I can not let another asshole use you like he did” he said before grabbing their hand “So please, be mine. I’ll protect and love you like a man should” he added stepping closer.

•”I’ll made sure that asshole paid for what he did to you, and I won’t hesitate to do it again” he whispered making Hera’s eyes widened, “Y-You what?” they asked frozen in place “I got rid of him for you” he said with no emotion, no pity or sorrow.

•Hera’s breath shuddered and slammed the door in his face, they panicked and started to hyperventilate, “You can’t run from me Hera! You’re mine!” He yelled through the door.

•Hera had panicked and didn’t know what to think, of course they cared about hongjoong but they’d never thought he would do something this extreme, “w-why did you do it joong? you knew i-it was wrong” they cried

•Hongjoong felt his heartbreak hearing them cry, “no no bunny don’t cry, I did it to protect you. Can’t you see how much how much I love you, I-I’ll do anything for you” he spoke softly through the door while he was picking the lock.

•Hera started climbing out the window to escape but hongjoong was quick to open door before they could jump, “wait please! don’t leave me! I didn’t mean to hurt you (Insert name), I just want to be the one to protect and provide for you is that too much to ask?!” He felt tears fill his eyes, “Just let me love you, you know I’m not bad please” he cried

•Hera gave no response and jumped, they were only on the second floor so the impact wasn’t that bad. They didn’t know where but (Insert name), kept running and running as far as they could. And til this day they still are, hongjoong spent almost five years searching for them and nothing.

(Okay i feel like this is sorts similar to my irene one so I’m sorry 🥺 I put in (Insert name) for the person because i couldn’t think of a name. I used they/them as well to make it gender neutral, I will try my best from now on to make them all like that. I hope you enjoy!)

[dotwavrider]

Janurary 1st, 2023.

I know I'm late to post anything relating to new years but I wanted to show some of my shitty and overly emotional writing off. Please enjoy

January 1st, 2023

I spent New Year’s Eve playing Namco's 1998 racing game Ridge Racer Type 4 on a Playstation 1 emulator.

The game’s real good, you should definitely check it out if you get the chance. Even if you don’t like racing games. It’s got one of the best soundtracks I’ve ever heard in a video game period. I mean, Move Me ALONE is probably better than most video game soundtracks. The gameplay’s also incredible. It’s difficult but not unfair, it doesn’t hold your hand but you always feel like you have shot at victory; that’s a tough balance to strike. The aesthetic’s dope too, it’s got that new millennium flair that I always find to be super novel in video games. That’s why I chose to play the game on New Year’s actually; the final track of the grand prix finds you on a 6 lap race in Los Angeles counting down from New Year’s Eve 1999 to the year 2000. So I guess it felt appropriate. 

As I was playing through the Grand Prix, unlocking faster cars, slowly gaining the support of my manager Yazaki, racing through the beautiful set of courses R4 has to offer, a phrase kept popping in my head.

“If I can envision what’s in front of me, I know I can still win”

Every time I was just outside of qualifying range with little time before I finished the final lap, I thought that to myself. Every time I got a bad start and stayed in 8th place for the whole first lap, I thought to myself. Every time I hit the brake too late on a turn and lost a decent placing, I thought that to myself. That if I could just see the car to beat in front of me, I would know I could still find a way to get ahead of it, and all the other cars I needed to get ahead of in order to qualify. 

I had this same thought when I was in second place on the 6th lap final of the track, Shooting Hoops in Los Angeles, at 11:59 on December 31st, 1999. Kimara Lovelace’s vocals on the soundtrack are booming through my Sony wired headphones. My heart starts pumping just a little faster. Without realizing it, I begin to tap my feet. I hit the brakes on the final turn, hoping not to move into the offroad and get slowed down, and hoping not to brake too much and lose speed for the final stretch. I grip the handles of my Dualshock 4 controller tight. I finish the turn. I’m still in first place, and as I reach the end begin to think about something else

I’ve felt kind of down about life for a lot of the past month or so. After winter break started, I found myself feeling more isolated than I have in a while. I didn’t talk to a lot of my friends, and I’ve barely talked to anyone I know outside my family in person. What’s frustrating is that I knew that the winter season had already been affecting my mood negatively; seeing that stick around during the one time I should be freed from that sort of baggage, it felt really awful.

The holidays didn’t help either. I have the worst habit of feeling depressed on Christmas and other days and occasions where most people are having a good time. I know I’m not alone in this, and it wasn’t always this way for me, but that’s the way it was this year. 

And, I’ve been thinking alot about the future, and how scared of it I am. I’m scared that the way I feel about my life won’t change as grow older. Scared that I won’t be able to find a place where I feel safe, and that my life has meaning. And I’m scared that that fear will paralyze me into not living a life I enjoy. I’m scared that when I look back on the time I spent alive, I’ll be truly, deeply, sad. A phrase keeps popping up in my head

“I’m less scared of change than I am of things staying the same”

I spend a lot of time with my own thoughts. In fact I’ve been spending almost every moment of almost every day inside, a lot of that being in the same room, looking at the same monitor, connected to the computer with the Duckstation PS1 emulator and the Ridge Racer Type 4 .bin file.

I didn’t end up winning that race, I lost my first placing right before I got to the finish line. Shooting Hoops took me 3 tries in total; you’d be surprised at how difficult such a simple track layout is. But when I did finish it, and watched the ending text scroll, I was struck by the following line

“A man can change as long as he lives.”

You see, in R4, you can pick one of four teams to represent you for the Grand Prix, and for each path you get to see your manager go on a unique and satisfying character arc throughout the course of your playthrough. For this run I chose the Japan team, led by Yazaki, and his story is about how he learns to get over the loss of his racing partner and closest friend, Giuliano. The line in the ending scroll is what Yazaki says to his late friend after you’ve won the tournament, citing that you, the player, helped remind him of that truth.

I’m still scared of the future, near and far. I’m scared that by the end of 2023, I won’t feel like I’ve changed to be more like the person I want to be. I’m scared that I’ll still feel a lot of the same ways I do right now, alone, hopeless, and desperately tired. But what I know now, more than I’ve ever known, is that I can change, even if that change isn’t a straight line, and even if I won’t always realize it. And that life is easier to bear when you embrace that.

[sighingmagnolia]

I'm pressed against myself again. Alone in my own inner cavern, throwing solutions against the wall and feeling pressure rise. I guess that's when writing makes sense the most these days-when there is no person but myself to solve my own woe. Explaining would be to fraught, and navigating another persons opinons to muddying. I need my blank space to understand my own challenge. And here it is.

I've changed. Physically and energetically, and I feel at odds with excepting those changes.

Physically. After birth my body has changed. The length of my vagina lips, my vagina minora, the shape and pressure in my belly button when I shift (hernia), the shape of my butt, the length of my breasts. The look of my hair. The wrinkles and sag of my face. And I haven't changed. my life long insecurities remain the same. And under the weight of these secondary changes, I'm gasping to feel aesthetically beautiful. I know. Stupid fucking beauty and everything that it means. I just don't want to catch a glimpse of myself in a reflection and think all the awful things I do about the way I look. Haggard. Masculine. Goofy. Awkward. Old. Dissheveled. Unattractive. Lacking glimmer or redeeming aesthetic quality. I feel that. I'm not sure if it matters or it doesn't matter, but damn do I feel it. Well I think it, and then I feel it. And honestly, I feel like my reaction is honest. Maybe when we add all those insecurities together, they are there for a reason. I've never been the most attractive girl in a group. And I'm smart enough to recognize that. And somehow that story still matters past puberty, and teenagerhood, and young adulthood, to me now. Partnered and with a child. And it's not for my Adam, I mean I think it's a 2 part thing 1. I know he is someone who doesn't find people who focus on beauty attractive 2. I don't feel attractive and I'm not sure that he finds my attractive anymore either. I don't think he finds me attractive-not because the way I look--but who I've become. (See energetic changes for reference.

Anyways--I thinking of doing something about the things I feel negative about the way I look. Like get more plastic surgery. I'm scared that I won't like the outcome, or have medical concerns. But the best outcome, is I think wow-I don't feel uncomfortable when I look at my face. I like the way I look again. I feel attractive. Here's the list and in order of plan: mole removal on face, 2 part surgery with otoplasty and forehead reduction with brow lift, nanobrows for eyebrow fullness. And I could more-I could get the corner of lips lifted, and filled, I could get botox, I could get extra skin from the top of my eyelids removed, I could change the shape of my eyes so they don't turn down. I could go to a plastic surgeon that has a superior understanding of facial symmetry and say "do your best". But honestly-I don't have the finances to transform into a swan. I have 5,500 from reselling, that will cover an otoplasty. Then I'll have to finance the rest. And if I pay it off in 12 months, I won't have any interest on it. I could do that. If I can convince Adam and others, that my financial scheme makes sense. And if I can convince myself that this make sense.

Not # 3, but automatic formatting is too clunky to mess with. Energetically. God, energetically. I feel like I'm a woman with no sex-drive, no zest, or goals, who is in the domestic daily groove. Everything that seemed appealing before, like trips away, exploring new landscapes, hitting a physical goal, all feels hard. I can read. I can list things. I can bead. I can write. I can stay in this warm cave of a home where it's safe. I went on a 10 mile hike yesterday, and 5 miles in I thought..I didn't sign up for this. I'm tired. I'd like to stop walking now. All this seeing the same flora and fauna in the alpine Eastern Sierras isn't worth this discomfort. Take me back to my smartphone so I can check my reddit plastic surgery feed. Just kidding, I didn't think that. But I felt low, and sad, as if I could be reactive--but wasn't going to because i have emotional control. Thank god I have that sometimes. I think that my inconsistent sleep (which has been more lately), breastfeeding, and learning to be a mom and a "wife", as well as sweet hormones. As well as being isolated without a community, YET. All these things stack up and I again feel like a hollow human (as said in previous posts).

I didn't know that I could feel bliss every day when I hold my child. When I look at Jesse and study his beautiful face, I am taken into a peaceful garden. Unless he is crying and throwing a tantrum, of course. Being a mom is bigger than I am, and I wish I was more prepared, capable, equipped, to give him everything he needs. He is everything to me. Words that I have seen written but never knew what they mean. He is my sun, that I rotate around. He has become my why, my reason. Love seems too small a word. He is breathing.

Thank you page. For the space.

[koeii]

What God does your Muse descend from?

Athena

Children of Athena are called the "brain children" for they are born from Athena's thoughts and thus are the only demigods to be claimed at birth. These children possess high intelligence and wisdom, especially when it comes to war strategy. Their fatal flaw is hubris, the source of which is the first lesson all of Athena's children learn: "mom is the best at everything and that any thought to the contrary is not taken well".

Tagged by: @adversitybloomed​​

Tagging: whoever wants to

[thecontumacious]

Hi!! I rlly love ur acc and ur writing is so good!!!!!!! Can i please request for luxiem on how they would motivate their s/o to do works? TT its my project week today and ive been doing so little on my activities that its starting to pile up!! I need me some motive from the boys lol. Also feel free to skip if u'd like if ur not comfortable with it!! Thank u so much i hope u have a great day!! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Luxiem's Gun Bear for You 🔫 🐻

a/n: uwahhhhh this ask came in a little while ago and i hope i'm still in time to send you the support you need for this dire time of yours, anon ;A;) i'm currently in the middle of midterm week too so this was much needed!! good luck for ya'll who's going through the same thing~~

you stare ahead at your laptop, who is blinking in a very mocking way at you. your papers are strewn about, varying in its contents from ones most manageable to completely deserted due to its impeccable complexity. you groan, tired and frustrated, absolutely in need of some relief.

so you grab your phone, readily swiping through social media. you flip back and forth to answer messages from your friends, or refreshing your youtube page to see what your favorite creators’ nijisanji en have posted. as the clock continues to tick by, counting the time you’ve decided to waste away, you stay seated in your procrastination. it eats away at you. you don’t scroll through social media peacefully but it’s your only hideaway from the stress.

and as you’re deep down into a rabbit hole somewhere on the internet, you don’t remember the time you’ve spent being unproductive.

then you feel a tap on your shoulder. you look back and see your lover, seemingly finished with his stream and looking at you cautiously.

“i thought you last told me it was project week for you,” he said, leaning over. you groan at the mention of it and you can’t help but feel like that same burden had been dropped onto you again upon the reminder.

your boyfriend notices your distress and also sees your open phone, then sensing your lack of motivation.

Vox Akuma 👹🌹

“come on now,” he says, grabbing your phone. you reflexively whine and go to reach it, but who were you kidding?

your phone has disappeared to only vox knows where and you’re left with your due responsibilities

“ahhhh but i don’t wanna,” you say, pouting at the demon

“refusing to do it won’t change the fact you still need to do it, love,” vox then leans down and places a kiss on your lips

you’re startled by the sudden gesture of affection, so you blush

the exact expression vox wanted to see on you

he then moves next to you and grabs your things, from your papers to your laptop

“v-vox? what are you doing?” genuinely confused, you watch him pile them up in his hands and he’s off to leave the room with your things

“you need a new environment to work in. come with me,” he tells you, gesturing with his head

you stand up, sighing and does as he told you anyway. admittedly quite interested with what vox has up his sleeve

you follow him down to the living room and you find him neatly placing down your items on the coffee table, papers in its own place, laptop on the center and your writing instruments by itself

“how about a playlist? i personally recommend a dark academia playlist for its effectiveness and the aesthetic,” vox chuckles and he sits on the other side of the coffee table and you realize just what he’s going to do

he’s going to.. help

( •_•)

were you really complaining though?

of course not

“sit down, my dear,” vox rests his elbows atop the table and leans his chin onto them, waiting for you eagerly

you’re both nervous and excited at what he’s going to do

you sit down on the empty seat and await his next command

“okay, now what, sensei?”

vox chuckles, “well, my smart and talented student, i want you to do work. for real this time. i’ve stored your phone somewhere. you won’t find it unless it's break time.”

his more strict nature sort of scared you honestly but us kindred love it when he scolds us amirite

“i know i’m very charming and sexy, my love, but right now work is more important. now stop staring and get that pencil moving,” vox smirks

you shake your head, taking said pencil before forcing yourself to do the work you needed to do

vox’s way of showing his support is just that tho

he makes sure that you’re doing your work properly, reminding you to take your water every fifteen, twenty minutes

and when you get distracted, vox will tease you as the following:

vox grabs a ruler and makes you turn to him by pushing your chin towards him with said ruler

“are you going to behave and focus?” he’ll say, in a voice the exact opposite of his words

you gulp as you stare into his menacing yellow eyes

“y-yes sir,” you say

wait isn’t this supposed to be where he’s motivating you to do work?????

you’re doing the exact opposite, voxie🤡

if you do manage to focus though, not wanting to disappoint vox, you’re in for a shower of praises

you put down your writing tool after jotting down the last words of your work

you cheer while stretching, “that’s it for this one!”

“oh good job, my dear,” vox will lean over, bringing in your face towards his to kiss you. “i’m so proud of you.”

you giggle, “thanks vox.”

as a reward, he’ll give you back your phone but honestly, your phone wasn’t as interesting as your study chaperone

he’s hotter after all <3

cuddles and kisses for you!! 💋

butttttt if you only get distracted by him more; you’re messing up your work; nothing is getting inside your brain

vox will know, he’s a demon bestie(●´艸｀)ヾ

“what is this? can't concentrate?” he says, cocking up an eyebrow

you huff, collapsing on the table “it’s your fault for being too hot”

vox will then have to resort to directly helping you this time

if you’re studying, he’ll pick up your book and start quizzing you on the materials needed for the exam, scolding you for real if you didn’t get any of them right

please don’t take this as a joke, he’s serious about this໒( ⇀ ‸ ↼ )७

“y/n, my dear, you have to get this right. else you’ll fail tomorrow’s exam.”

you sigh and promise to actually study this time

if you’re doing an assignment, vox is going to guide you on how to do it, even if it meant basically treating you a bit like a child

“this number, here. it should be about this sub chapter, yes?” vox points to the corresponding text and you are forced to read it, finding the answer per vox’s instructions

once you finally got the answer down, the demon will smile, flipping a page expectantly, “there we go. good girl/boy. let’s move on, shall we?”

yes this will be annoying and it’s draining your energy so much but vox’s gentle manner (albeit still terribly strict) is a big, big help

after you’ve finished everything, vox will reward you with a huge feast with anything you craved and basically do anything you wanted to do after that

but first, ✨praises✨

“you did such a good job today, my dear,” he says while kissing your forehead. “i’m very proud of you, you know that? i know it was tiring and it took a lot out of you. but i’m so proud you pulled through.”

his first asmr stream flashbacks im sorry（＞д＜）

other boys utc!

Mysta Rias 🦊🔶

“you know you won’t get anything done by playing on your phone, right?” mysta says, leaning against the desk

you roll your eyes, “yeah don’t remind me.”

your boyfriend can only be silent as he looked over at your work, seemingly piling up more and more

honestly, mysta didn’t know how he can help. he wasn’t fond of these things either and if he threw himself in with you, it’d look more like a blind person guiding another blind person (‘-’*)

but not helping you out wasn’t an option either as mysta disliked it when you weren’t all smiles and laughs

what can he do to help…?

💡

“what if…” mysta trailed off, piquing your interest. you gaze up at him, cocking up an eyebrow with wonder.

“i get you anything you want every time you finish an assignment!”

“and what is it can you offer to me, mysta rias?” you grin

mysta hums before saying, “anything! i’ll get you food, do that one weird stream idea you had!”

you smirk, crossing your arms, “even wear the maid outfit?”

for a good second, mysta is about to back track but since his determination to help you however he can settled deeper, he sighed with red dusting his cheeks

“f-fine, that too. you’ll work though, right? i can’t wear a skirt for nothing,” he pouts, still evidently embarrassed

mysta: (ง •̀_•́)ง

you giggle, nodding as you picked up your pencil, “i will. i expect you to be wearing it after i’m done with this, okay?”

to hell with wearing a maid dress when he can see you smile again

with mysta now as your permanent source of serotonin and motivation, it’s almost impossible to resist not doing your work

with that being said, mysta does not leave your side

he’s there to accompany you work, peering over your shoulder to read it over

yes, he might not understand and contribute anything

but he will definitely occasionally slip in an appropriate (sometimes unseiso tbh) joke

honestly, with mysta there, it took much longer for you to finish your piling work

but compared to when he wasn’t there to lighten the mood, you would make no progress at all┐(´ー｀)┌

“mysta i’ve only done one page so far, shut up for a minute already!” you laugh, your stomach aching from the sheer entertainment mysta provided

“no, you shut up! you know you’d rather have me here than do your work alone,” mysta responds nonchalantly

and he was right

you’d rather he stayed there by your side than do things alone

and when you do manage to finish one, you faced mysta with the brightest and probably the most stupid grin on your face(~‾⌣‾)~

“alright, you got one done. what do you want?” mysta asked reluctantly

you can only giggle, poking his cheek out of spite. “can i just ask for some cuddles?”

mysta looks at you, confused. “didn’t you want me to wear the maid outfit?”

“oh don’t worry, i’ll be asking for that for when i finish my last assignment.”

mysta lets out a whine but he doesn’t exactly protest. so he indulges in your request for cuddles first

“alright, come here then!” he smiles, opening up his arms to which you collapse into easily

you shift around to find a comfy spot in mysta’s arms and just like that, you wish you could stay there for the rest of the day

mysta lets you snuggle against him as he placed his arms around your waist, kissing the top of your head when you finally found yourself a good spot

“comfy?”

“mhm”

mysta leans back, pecking your head

“thanks mysta,” you mumble

“it’s no problem, love,” he insists, patting your head in a gentle manner. you look up at him and kiss him in gratitude

“i love you,” you smile. mysta can only blush as he reciprocates.

“i love you too, you dork.”

“you’re a dork too! don’t deny that, mysta.”

“shut up, right now, you’re the dork.”

there’s a dangerously big chance you’ll get too comfortable cuddling with mysta and just end up doing only one assignment that day

“hey, we’ve been like this for a while. shouldn’t you get back to work?” mysta would point out

you groan, “but you’re comfy, mysta…”

mysta will try his best to coax to get you back on that desk again

when it doesn’t work, mysta will try to be intimidating and strict but it’s pretty much futile

“come onnn, you have so much left to do,” he says, trying to push you off

but you only shake your head, holding onto mysta tighter than before

“you know i won’t get you anything, right? not even the maid outfit?”

“yeah, don’t care. mysta body pillow much better,” you mumble as you smile innocently

mysta can’t resist your cuddles either

oh well, at least you did one thing, right?

and when the day comes where you have to pull an all nighter, mysta will have no choice but to be your personal cheerleader once again₍₍ ◝(・ω・)◟ ⁾⁾

but if he does manage to get you to get back to work, he’s not letting you go

what i mean is that he’ll have you sit on his lap with him back hugging you while you continue working

yes, mysta wants you to work your ass off and get as many things done as possible

but he never said he won’t stop cuddling you :3

he’ll just snuggle into your back, enjoy your warmth and occasionally cheer you on, slipping jokes here and there, praising and complimenting when he can

“you’re doing good, love,” he would say, placing a chaste kiss on your shoulder.

at one point, he’ll offer, “do you want me to get any snacks for you? don’t ask for food though unless it’s delivery.”

and when you’re all done, mysta is going to be ecstatic and basically drag you to the bed for some extra cuddles

“thanks for working hard,” he’ll smile, kissing you.

“thanks for being with me the entire time, babe. i love you,” you reply.

“no problem, love.”

“hey, mysta?”

“yeah?”

“i expect to see you in that maid outfit soon.”

Luca Kaneshiro 🦮🔆

“work does suck, huh?” luca comments, tilting his head. you nod, agreeing far too much with him. then he sighs, “but i hate to break it to you, y/n. you gotta finish these, don’t you?”

“i mean, of course i do, but… there’s just so many to go through and i can’t even bare to look at them another second,” you slump in your chair and rub your face out of exasperation

luca hums before he proceeds to take another chair in the room to drag it next to you

you turn to look at him and gape at him curiously

sure, luca was interested in what you were studying but you knew he sure as hell couldn’t teach it you

no offense luca

“what are you doing luca?”

“helping you out, duh!” he makes himself comfortable on the chair before looking at the papers as though he’d found gold, a point of view you wish you had to look at them T-T

“okay, so where are we starting?” he grins, looking at you expectantly

you can only stare at him in absolute wonder though

this man who wasn’t even in school anymore, free to do what he wants, is more excited about doing your assignments than you yourself

you both felt endeared and terrible at this(｡•́︿•̀｡)

“you know you don’t have to, luca,” you frown but he only shakes his head.

“you say that, but a little help is something you need right now. you clearly don’t have the energy to do this,” he laughs before picking up a random piece of paper. he reads it momentarily then asks you, “are you finished with this essay?”

you shake your head, “no, i’m about halfway through.”

“okay, tell me where you’re stuck. talk about the topic,” he says, handing the paper back to you.

you receive it but can’t help but feel worried as you gaze up at luca

upon seeing your expression, luca immediately understands and sheepishly scratches the back of his head. “hehe, i know i’m not rly good at this and stuff, but i just want to help you however i can. if you just want me to copy down an answer for you, help quiz you on something, then i’m glad i could do that!”

luca was aware of his limitations. he knew he couldn’t help you out as much as both you and him wanted.

however, he set them aside or more so faced the fact he couldn’t offer much aid just to alleviate your stress as much as you can

“procrastination sucks and at this point, you really just want to get it over with,” luca comments. “and getting behind on work is even worse! so yeah, i’ll be helping however i can! if you’ll let me, of course.”

you blink

then a smile easily decorates your face before you proceed to crash into luca’s chest, reveling in his bright and contagious positive energy💛✨

“thank you so much, luca,” you say and what was once a shell of your unmotivated self, you are replenished to its full capacity once again

with how luca brings himself around you and his genuine enthusiasm (+a real no cap pogchamp too!), there’s almost no way you’re procrastinating, right???

if you are what are you even(╬ಠิ益ಠิ)

depending wholly on what you’re working on, luca’s contribution can vary

if you’re doing work that is relatively easy and can be done even people outside of your study program, you’ll let luca lend a hand and fill in the blanks for you

“okay luca, you should be able to find the answers on google,” you say as you show him the list of questions

luca nods, understanding before taking over

killing two birds with one stone POGG

and when you both finish your task at hand

yall know whats comin

“POG!! that’s two done!” luca cheers, offering you a high five. you return it with a big grin of your own. “ready for another one, babe?”

“sure, luca,” you say and before you can even turn to look for another assignment to do, luca is looking at you expectantly.

“anything else i can do?” he asks innocently

you heart is both heavy and light, heavy because he’s making himself do your work and light because your load is basically lightening by the tons

“you know you don’t have to, right?” you pout

“i told you before i’m willing to help you! plus, i can hang out with you this way!”

if you’re working on something that’s way too out of luca’s league, the best he can offer you is himself

im just kidding by half

if it’s a test, luca can definitely help quiz you on things or read out the answer key for your exercises

for essays, he’s more than willing to read it out for you and point out any mistakes. a proofreader if you will!

presentation preps with luca make you way more confident for them because he comes up with plenty of questions that can help you revise your topic

and once you’re all done and have some energy left to do things:

“DATE NIGHT POGGGGG!!” luca will declare, grabbing your arm and out the door to wherever he felt like going/doing that day

it could be a trip to the arcade, a walk in the park, playing with augustus, visiting his casino if you were up for it?

guys btw have u seen his casino background + overlay from his dark deception stream??? that was so cool?????

it’s like luca has no resting time unless someone switches him off

ahem you⊂(▀¯▀⊂ )

he just wants to get you out of the house for working so hard today and pushing yourself past your limited motivation

seeing you finally smile and laugh after a hard day is such a reward for him <3

but if you’re too tired to do anything, luca is more than happy to spoil and pamper you at home

“wanna do skincare together?”💅🛁

i can definitely imagine that as one of his suggestions since i do think he wouldn’t be embarrassed to ask for it

he finds it therapeutic too!

“oh oh! wanna multiplay? the last game i showed you was super fun right? or you can just watch me finish some old games!!”

either if you’re playing next to him, or just laying on his lap or even doing skincare together, luca is so very proud of you

at the end of the day, luca will just pause, give you the biggest and most comforting bear hug with a very sweet kiss on the lips

“hey, you did good today! i’m so proud of you, babe. now, you need a proper and relaxing break because you deserve it.”

Ike Eveland 🖋💙

“procrastinating are we?” he lifts an eyebrow as he looked at you, and you instantly get the feeling of being watched directly by your teacher｜−・;）

ike is many things, and being intimidating is one of them, despite his soft and gentle features

yes, he’s a fantastic lover but you rly don’t wanna see an ike eveland angry

“come on, do your work,” ike leans over and sets your phone aside, a little farther than you can reach

you look up at him with a deep pout, but ike remains unaffected

“i know you don’t feel like doing it, sweetheart, but don’t you think it’ll be easier for you later?” ike wraps his around you, lowering his head so he could kiss your forehead.

“but there’s just so much and they’re not easy to do,” you sigh

“exactly why you should be doing them, sweetie,” ike pulls away from you, much to your dismay and chooses to lean on your desk with his hands crossed. “okay how about this? grab your things.”

you give ike a look, one of confusion and wonder but he only urges you to do as he says with a soft smile

you take your necessary items and ike offers you his hand which you take

he leads you out of your room and out, into the living room and on the present coffee table

there you see ike’s belongings consisting his laptop and work papers then you realize what he intended on doing

“sit here with me,” ike says, sitting down and gesturing to the empty spot across from him. “we can work together and keep each other company. you can keep an eye on me and i’ll keep an eye on you. sound good?”

no matter if you felt more motivated or not, ike is staying there to basically supervise you(⌐▀͡ ̯ʖ▀)

if you don’t feel much effect from the change of scenery, ike is going to act much like vox

strict and very serious on making you work your ass off despite the lack of motivation

be gentle ike-senpai ;A;)

your pencil will roll off every now and again from boredom or plain reluctance to do your work, and ike will casually put the pencil back in your hand

“sweetheart, come on,” he’ll tell you, which only makes you groan as you force yourself to jot down a couple more words

when you’re very, very stumped, that’s when ike will finally let loose and help you however he can

“do you want a snack? i’ll get you something from the kitchen,” ike will offer. you’ll most likely agree to it and when ike returns, he has more than a couple of snacks

cans of cold drinks (including his red bull ofc), some scented candles and a fluffy blanket

“here you go,” ike places your preferred snacks and drinks down, before placing his in his workspace. then he’ll proceed to light the candles and wrap the blanket around you.

“ike?” you’ll call out

“hm?” ike says, still busy tucking the fluffy covers in. “just wanted to make sure you’re comfy, sweetheart. working on a full stomach and nice environment makes for good productivity.”

you roll your eyes.

in the end, this man cares nothing more than making sure you’re doing your work but you appreciate his efforts anyway

you know ike is super busy as is with being on nijisanji and having his own personal projects

him making this much time to make sure you’re doing well is honestly enough

ike then presses a kiss to your cheek

“ganbatte ne,” he’ll smile

idk bout you but jp ike hits different

if you manage to pluck up the motivation, especially with ike by your side working just as hard, he’s going to hype you up more and you see less of his scarier teacher-esque side

with each document you save and submit, ike notices

“finished another one, love?” he’ll ask you, smiling

“yeah,” you nod

“good job,” ike won’t hesitate to lean in for a kiss, but the moment you get too comfy, he lets go in the most menacing way possible

he won’t say anything but he knows what he’s doing

you: ☜(`o´)

just like that, you’re back to madly typing and or writing away at your work, determined to finish as many as you can

ike appreciates hard working people, especially when it came to you

so bet, when you finish another assignment or a relatively big task, the rewards get better every time

a kiss on the cheek becomes a forehead kiss, then one on the nose, to the point where it’s just super sweet kisses that help hype you up more

“you’re doing good, sweetheart!” ike praises you💙

when you’re both in silence and your hands aren’t busy, ike will by default hold your hand

after a while, you need to work again and have to move his hand away but you don’t have the heart to let go ;-;

in the end, you finally finish a good pile and decided to call it for the day

“ahhh that’s enough for today!” you announce, stretching

ike then closes his own laptop, taking off his glasses. “i’m calling it too. my eyes are starting to hurt.”

you then crawl over to him, reaching for his face with genuine worry. “are you okay?”

“i’m alright, sweetheart. what about you?” ike smiles, his turn to touch your face. “i hope you haven’t tired yourself out too much.”

“isn’t that supposed to be your fault though?”

ike chuckles and pecks your nose, “i suppose it is. how should i compensate then? will cuddles and kiss do for you?”

honestly, just some time alone to hang out with him is enough so you nod excitedly, collapsing onto ike as he held you

as you snuggle into him, you feel ike patting your head and a kiss at the top of your head.

“i am so proud of you for working hard, even through your procrastination. get some good rest for me, sweetheart,” ike whispers and you continue to dissolve in his lovely presence.

Shu Yamino 🔮✨

with a swift hand, shu plucks your phone out of your grasp and when you start whining to give it back, he grins and only holds it higher

“maybe i’ll give it back once you actually start working, babe,” he’ll laugh, watching you struggle

you pout, protesting, “but shuuu i don’t really feel like doing anything. everything is like so hard and there is so much to do”

but no matter how hard you bargained, shu can only offer you a smile

“all the more reason you should be doing your work, right?”

you groan, collapsing onto your desk. “you’re not really helping, shu.”(¬､¬)

then you hear the dragging of a chair against the floor, before realizing that shu had already sat next to you, making himself comfortable

“alright, you, what’s making this so hard?” he says, beginning to sort through your papers and occasionally looking at your laptop screen

“what, are you gonna help me?” you ask him

shu hums, “depends how much i can help, babe. i’m not a genius.”

but that’s just it

shu yamino is a genius

maji tensai 川o･-･)ﾉ

he can say all he wants about not being able to contribute much to your work, but let’s just say you wouldn’t have gone so far without his aid

bonus points if you’re studying computer science, there’s a huge chance that shu might as well have done it himself

and it’s so very satisfying to have someone like shu who can explain it pretty clearly

shu’s patience makes it all the better <3

“okay, so this is ineffective. just remove this and use this function,” shu will guide his pencil towards a certain line of code, to which you finally see the error and immediately fix it

but even if you don’t study computer science, i feel like shu can catch on pretty easily to classes he’s not used to

he’ll study through your materials himself if he needed to just to make you understand better, pointing things out in your essay that don’t seem right or need some revision

contrary to what you might think if you’re studying a class shu doesn’t know anything about, his questions actually do help you develop your essay and master your materials

it comes to the point where you feel terrible for making shu work hard for you, even tho he’s already got a lot on his plate as part of nijisanji

you poke his arm, “hey, you don’t have to help me out this much. aren’t you busy?”

shu will look at you and just smile, “yeah, busy taking care of you. you need help, so why wouldn’t i be here?”

“but you don’t have to! aren’t you tired or something?”

“no, not really?” shu tilts his head. “you sound like you don’t want me here or something, babe.”

as he laughed, you frown, “no! that’s not what i said and you know it. you’re doing so much for me already is all.”

shu sighed upon seeing your upset expression, looping an arm around you so now you’re leaning against him.

“i’m doing this because i want to. i don’t want you to get burnt out, and procrastination sucks,” shu leans in for a kiss on the nose. “doing everything alone sucks even more. isn’t it way better to have someone else there with you?”

he does have a point…

“i can always just ask you to buy me food or something, easy,” shu chuckles and you nuzzle your face into his.

“that’s not much of a comparison to you helping me though,” you grumble, reluctant to let shu off the hook for his genuine kindness. “but thank you, shu, really. you’ve been such a big help.”

“no problem,” shu smiles, kissing your forehead. “come on then, we still have work to do!”

If you remain unyielding in terms of concentration, you’re in for more of the annoying side of shu

can’t think of shu being annoying? take off those rose colored glasses bestie

shu is pretty determined at what he does so if something isn’t done, he’s doing his damnest to see it all the way through

despite your protests and lack of motivationヘ(´－｀;)ヘ

“okay this should be the answer according to google and the text book here,” shu points at a specific passage, but you only sigh and shake your head

“this much will be fine shu. i don’t have to write really long answers.”

“i’m not telling you to do long answers, i’m telling you to do the correct and complete answer. i don’t think your teachers are gonna appreciate it to be this short, y/n.”

deep down you knew he was right but your laziness kicked in, groaning in denial

shu will sigh, “come on babe, we still have more to go. the sooner we can finish, the sooner you can get back to your phone, okay?”

with a defeated frown, you sit back up right and pick up your writing instrument, noting down the answer half heartedly

if it gets too much though and you’re practically lagging, shu will have to stop because he can feel the pain of being unmotivated

besides, he wouldn’t be able to handle forcing himself to work on a bad day either

“okay, let’s take a short break then,” he says, closing your book. your eyes soften with relief at the mention of some rest and you just dissolve. “are you okay?”

“mhm,” you respond, mentally exhausted.

shu will then feel bad for even forcing you to work so hard when you clearly couldn’t do it, “hey, i’m sorry for pushing you too much. should i leave you alone?”

as much as you didn’t really like shu nagging you to do work, you appreciated his support and effort

after all, he learned a subject he wasn’t familiar with just so you could understand it better

if that isn’t love, idk what is 😔❤️‍🩹

“no stay here, shu,” you insist, grabbing his hand. “it’s good to have you ground me like this. i wouldn’t move an inch if you hadn’t pushed me.”

truer words have never been spoken

shu smiles, “i’m glad you think so. but tell me if i’m doing it too much okay?”

you nod, “i will.”

at the end of the day, whether you did it smoothly or had to go through some obstacles, shu will be so so proud of you

“look at that, we’re all done! lessgo!” shu cheers and you grin upon your achievement. he pulls you in for a tight hug before kissing your forehead, “great job today. otsukare, babe. this calls for a bit of celebration!”

“like what?”

“up for (your favorite food)? i heard there was a discount from them today,” shu whips out his phone and you are quick to agree. “alright cool! i’ll get the order in and you can go rest up, babe.”

shu looks at you for a moment and pats your head with a gentle gaze, “i’m proud of you, okay? don’t be afraid to ask for my help when you need it. i’ll be right here.”

Masterlist!

[annlillyjose]

Let’s Be Suns Tonight - WIP Intro

[Image Description: A silhouette of two boys walking on the road projected against a car's beam at night. The path is aligned by lights on both sides. In the center, in a creme and white serif font reads let's be suns tonight and ann lilly jose./ End ID]

Hey y'all! I have a new book. I know I have way too many WIPs but, I can't help it. So basically, here's what happened:

I was doing camp nanowrimo for dairy whiskey, my liftic novella

I wrote 1.2k of it in a day and realized that literally everything was going wrong (pov, tense, story opening, etc.)

I put off writing for two whole weeks and kept telling myself I'll write dairy whiskey when I feel like it (was still pretty sure I'd somehow win camp with my 10k goal, like no honey you need to stop being stupid)

Random thought at 2 am: Noah Anderson deserves a better story

Levi Shires. Girl. He needs a story of his own.

You're gay. Write gay.

Tries to put the project off for later and not write gay

Writes gay anyway

Let's talk about the specifics before rambling about the process. I promise, there's a lot (a LOT by my standards) of it.

Disclaimer: This is my original work. Please do not plagiarize in any way.

Genre: YA Contemporary

Setting: Not really sure, but it's an average small town

POV and Tense: First person present tense, dual POV. Possible ghost narratives.

Structure: Vignettes

Stage: Drafting

Playlist: Let's Be Suns Tonight (Updating)

Logline: Two boys who want to live life differently meet at a cafe and end up discovering secrets about each other, and about themselves too. (I'm pantsing this so things can change. I have no idea what's in store for the boys)

Characters

Levi Shires

18

Is questioning his sexuality

His full name is Levi John Antonio Shires

Is a pop singer

Just came home from his first ever world tour

Struggling with everything

Feels like something is wrong with him but doesn't know what

Face Claim: Troye Sivan

Aesthetics: music, guitars, posters, live shows, interviews, journalling at 3 am, obsessing over poetry even when you don't understand a thing except that it's beautiful, crying about being a crybaby, late night walks, questioning sexuality

Noah Anderson

20

Bisexual in denial

Father's boy

Is traumatized

Had tons of friends but is scared of it now

Wants to buy shirts with flower patterns but doesn't

Obsessed with Levi's music

Aesthetics: house parties, plaid shirts, trying to cry but cannot, laying on the floor, listening to the same song on repeat for hours, late night drives, night clubs

If you didn't already know who Noah and Levi are, here's the story. Noah is a character I created when I was in ninth grade (so that's like over three years back what) during a very angsty conversation with @jenetmoses. I drafted around 16k of his story in tenth grade and it was so much fun, but I never completed it. I then tried to fit him into so many stories but none seemed to work. Finally I decided to put him in Intersecting Parallels (another one of my WIPs I'm not sure if I'll ever even start writing) as a side character. Levi Shires is a character I created for the same project. But I fell in love with him instantly and now he's one of my favourite characters. It's almost like his existence gave Noah a story that he deserved.

Process

A few days back I felt like I should write a story for my darlings and now here we are. This is officially Ann stepping into gay waters (I'm biro ace btw) with her stories and honestly, this is so much fun. It took me a few days to actually make an intro post because I was scared that maybe this, like many of my other projects, will have a WIP intro and no updates because I. Just. Don't. Write. Anything. So I waited until I had sufficient content to share and had a feeling that this thing can work. Well, guess what. It definitely can and it definitely will.

I'm currently at about 1.2k words and writing this has been such a delight? I hope it stays the same for a long time because I haven't felt like this in over two years and now it feels heavenly. I had to go to a relative's house last week and I wrote a vignette before going. All the time I was there, I just wanted to get home and edit it (I edit as I write because it works best for me). When I came home, I spent an hour and a half editing it and it was for the first time in so long that I was longing to work on a project? Allow me to be emotional over this please thank you.

I have completed three vignettes now. None of them have titles yet, and I'm not sure if I'll title them. I know there'll be so many and I'm not sure if it's possible to come up with titles for so many vignettes, so for now it's just vignette 1, vignette 2, and vignette 3 (not fun at all i know). I'm also so happy that I can share a lot of stuff here because this, my loves, is a practice project. So here we go!

Vignette 01, Noah

I sit at a table for two, alone, raindrops bokehing the window I lean my head on. Outside the filmed glass, a litter of dogs fight for leftover meat from a barbecue joint across the street, a street light flickering above them until it dies out. The interior is all about pretence - Pinterest art printed on a large canvas hung up on the creme walls, plastic flowers hanging from fancy plastic pots, baristas speaking in an accent too thick for their age. LED bulbs coated in lime-tinted glass paper light up the cafe. They almost look like incandescent bulbs. Almost.

So, that's the opening. Not much to say about it, but I really wanted to set this story's beginning in a cafe so there it is.

Here's another excerpt from the same vignette. Noah being 1) attached to his father and 2) extremely angsty and pretentious.

The barista slides a ceramic cup towards me, smiling faintly with the corners of his eyes. The kohl on his lower waterline has smudged and darkened his under eyes. My latte stirs itself, the marbling on the froth a bit distorted now, the cream heart melting away, burnt and sacred. Papa told me that the heart is where life is. One evening after our family prayers, he pointed at a portrait of Jesus and said, "It is where love begins, and that's why love is what makes life worthwhile. Do all things with love, Noah."

Tonight, I want to feel capable of having a heart.

Tonight, I shall drink from the grail of life.

I'm sitting here like, boy, it's not that deep. It's just a latte. But then again, is coffee ever just coffee?

Well, let's not get into that because it deserves a whole post for itself. Moving to the next vignette now!

Vignette 02, Levi

Tonight’s weather slips chills into my faux leather jacket, yet my insides burn, like a star at the verge of dying out. That’s what they call me - a star, pop sensation, a child prodigy. Another lucky teenager whose YouTube covers blew up, landing them a record deal with a big label. Another wannabe Gen-Z musician, a clueless kid whose success in the industry is solely because of his social media following. Another wave that will die down faster than it rose, a whirlpool sucking in teenagers from across the world, just another boy who has girls swooning over him for his jawline, his height, his lips. But for my fans - Leviathans - my music is everything. That's what they say when I meet them before shows. That's what they post on their social media. That's what the tell newspapers and magazines and TV shows when they're asked about me.

What is everything? I don't know.

He's just so confused? So affected by what others say about him? Conflicted by varying opinions of media? Also let's ignore the fact that I named his fandom Leviathans. I have no braincells for more. Please leave me alone. Okay? Deal? Great!

And then this is how the vignette ends.

This is my hometown, so nobody squeals. Nobody points their fingers at me. Nobody hides behind trash cans to click my pictures. Because before I went on a hundred day tour, before open stages and live shows and official merch, before albums and debut single and record deal with Quercitron Labels, before YouTube fame and my cover of The Night We Met by Lord Huron, I was just another boy.

Some days, I want to be him.

Yep, so that's what's up with Levi. He craves for some normalcy in his life. I feel so bad for him.

Vignette 03, Noah

This is quite short, so I think I'll add the whole thing here.

A group of teenagers - two boys and three girls, all about sixteen years old - walk into the cafe. The taller boy has a dense voice. He's still going through puberty. He shaves his face every morning hoping he'll grow a beard by the end of term. He wears tight-fitted shirts to school, leaving the top two buttons undone, a silver chain dainty between his collarbones. He wears a cross on it, or an angel. Or maybe just the wings. The short boy is dating the black-haired girl. They're new at it, and it'll last a few months. But before it ends, they'll go on drives around the city wearing matching outfits they'd picked at the mall. She will sneak out with him in the middle of the night to drink wine in the front seat of his car. She'll take her first puff from his lit cigarette and will hate how it chokes her. She'll have a lot more firsts with him. They'll bunk classes and go for movies and neither will remember what happened on screen. They'll wish to dance in the rain and kiss in the pub, but they won't. Instead, they'll fight on sidewalks about college and long-distance and other friends. Eventually, they'll both acknowledge that they aren't working. The girl wearing dramatic makeup has a crush on him. She'll never confess, but the first girl will notice. Eventually. That'll spoil their friendship. The last girl is the third in the trio - the one that tags along, goes unnoticed because she takes up so little space and never talks. She wishes she were home. She's the kind that drinks black coffee and embroiders pillow cases at two a.m. so that she doesn't eat herself up.

They're a group of friends, the kind that thinks they'll last forever, but won't.

Four years back, I was the second boy. I hope four years later, he doesn't become me.

So, that's it for this intro. It's the longest post I've ever made (so far). Wow! I'm clearly so so so excited about this and I'll hopefully be able to share more stuff soon. Huge thanks to @showgirlcurio for pumping me up with this one! Tons of love <3

Thanks for reading so far. Please take care of yourself!

Love, Ann.

General Taglist (ask to be +/-)

@maxgraybooks @shaonharryandpannisim @heartfullkings @bookdragonfanish @vnsmiles @dallonswords @wannabeauthorzofija @sienna-writes @violetpeso @flip-phones @avakrahn @ambidextrousarcher @showgirlcurio @jenetmoses @17nim

[everafterkeiji]

Song: Easy to Forget Me by Cimorelli

Pairings: Tobio Kageyama x fem! reader

Word count: 2.8k

Summary: When the king's queen was out of his grasp before he can realize

Warning/Genre: angst, toxic friendship, anxiety attack

Symbols: Italics=flashbacks

A/N: um- im very much hurt

Kageyama pants as he runs, pushing his limit with his eyes scanning the street ahead of him. His chest heavily coming up and down with sweat dripping down his skin. Mind empty but theres a certain feeling in his chest that was urging him to come back to a certain period in his life or a certain someone.

As he passes by a certain store, he suddenly stops. The feeling of his legs as if it they were holding him back, restraining his every move along with a voice lingering in his head like a broken record.

"She wasn't there."

Like a rock thrown to glass, his heart shatters, the sharpness of it scattering around his body making him weak to his knees as he stares at the shop that brought back memories he should've cherished. Maybe he should've gone with you when you asked him, maybe he should've took interest in your stories that had you smiling for days.

Maybe he should've chosen to remember.

"Tobio! Please don't push me away." Y/N begs, as Tobio disregards your words as he locks the door, slamming it in front of you. It was right after the match of Kitagawa, where his teammates claimed him the King, leaving him stranded.

"Please.. I'm here. I'll stay with you, I promise." Y/N says, head leaned on the door as she desperately tries to talk to the boy who've built such high walls a person like her can never reach. Kageyama can hear her pleas through the door but only one scene was repeating in his head-the moment the ball dropped, not even a soul was willing to save it for him.

"Kageyama.." she whispers sliding down with tears in her innocent eyes, scared for the condition of the boy, even more scared of what was bound to happen to their closeness.

The door creaks open slightly, and she was off her feet wiping away her tears as she turns around to see the broken boy clutching his shirt. He collapses into her arms and she gladly takes him, both sat on the ground with her hands running through his dark locks. Tears in each of their eyes, Y/N holding onto him while he questions himself. All the words that slipped through her mouth was nothing but sweet whispers and promises, reassuring him that he was no king.

Just a prince surrounded in a kingdom he didn't deserve.

-

"T-thank you for yesterday. You're the only one I can..count on." He says through the phone and you immediately smile at his words, surprised he believed in your promise. You let your hand rest on top of your heart, gripping on your shirt feeling that your heart was too big to fit into your body with how your emotions were overwhelming you just because of one boy. You wonder how long it'll take for you to break under him, under the kings command.

"It's nothing, Tobio. I'll be here whenever you need me."

-

"Kageyama! Good morning!" You say as you gladly bring him his usual choice of milk. He nods to you as a sign of thank you, and you smile at him. You walk with him silently, admiring the pleasant air between you two. It was a coincidence you two entered the same school, or was it really just your instinct and you chose it to protect the boy?

"I heard about this new store. Do you wanna come with me? I've seen photos of it everywhere!" She rambles on yet it fell on deaf ears as Kageyama was only delighted about being back on the gym, able to play his passion. When he turned to her, even if she was talking, his slightest care couldn't be given to her. He'd only nod every once in a while to make it seem like he'd understood.

If your heart knew that he didn't care, maybe then you would've realized.

-

We're in the same town

But you're nowhere to be found

"She hasn't been around for days. Do you think she'll make it to our game?" Hinata asks as Tanaka hands him another ball. Tanaka sighs as he looks over to the empty bench. It was funny how they were all concerned yet one boy couldn't care less. The second year looks over to Kageyama who spiked the ball perfectly, seeing him cheer at his success.

"Worry less about Y/N, she probably has her own problems. We all know that she could never miss our game, especially when Kageyama is playing." Daichi says, looking over to the younger boy. Daichi can feel how cold the atmosphere was with just a glance. He tries not to interfere with whatever happened between you two but after the match no one saw you again. Yet he sees Kageyama, perfectly back in his mindset and not an ounce of suspense as to why you weren't present.

"Plus we missed her birthday! Can't we buy some gifts for her? She doesn't really seem okay to me." Sugawara say and Nishinoya jumps at the idea agreeing completely.

"Seems like he shouldn't be invited." Tsukishima says, pointing at their other setter. Hinata sighs beside him, before shaking his head, in denial of the tension.

"Let's just go after practice!"

-

He walks inside the record store, seeing a variety of albums and vinyls. He lets his slim fingers run over the texture of each album, wondering which drew his attention. The atmosphere of the store was enough to leave a weight on his shoulders.

It's you, isn't it?

He eyes a poster on his left, enjoying how the colors were spotlighted by the sunlight that was peeking through the window. All the soft hues, having a dark gradient at the bottom he couldn't help but feel how familiar everything was. He carefully listens to the song that was playing, concentrating on every lyric as if he was trying to find a connection.

This is her world.

He watches how everyone in the store was occupied in conversations. Conversing about their interests, debating about different eras, even singing in different aisles. He can only feel sympathy, alone in her world he didn't bother to acknowledge. He should know by now what music you like, what album you first bought, which band poster was hung on your wall, but when he tried he could only hear murmurs and whispers.

I wish I listened.

-

Do you ever miss me?

You wonder as you sat in your room, knees to your chest in the far corner, listening to the song playing in your earphones. You stood up, walking to your window and opening it, greeted by the cold air. You let you hands dangle from the window while your eyes landing on the night sky creeping a smile on your face at how comforting it was.

The moon stares down on you, feeling helpless for the girl who thought numbness was the right choice. She couldn't even mask the way her world was slowly loosing color. To her, music would always paint her skies with color. All she can do now is envision the colors but in reality they were all desaturating with every passing day. There's pretty smile set on her lips yet feels like a tug of force knowing it was hard to act civil when her heart lost the battle.

-

"This place is so cool!" Hinata exclaims, eyes sparkling at the sight of the vivid posters and overall aesthetic and aura of the store. Nishinoya joins him on the excitement. Daichi turn to Kageyama who looked like a lost puppy, eyes wandering everywhere. Sugawara taps Daichis shoulder quite cutely holding up a vinyl in his hands.

"This looks like something she'd like!" He says with a smile and Nishinoya joins the conversation, holding out his own album waving it in the air claiming it was more her type. Asahi laughs at the two while he continues to view the albums that were in front of him.

Kageyama glances at his seniors along with the second years. He sees the genuine care they have for her but why is that he feels empty? Like he was numb to any feeling. He did miss her birthday, not even bothering to greet her, focusing on doing better for the next matches.

Hinata notices the dismay from the boy but his lips form a thin line, knowing exactly why Kageyamas clueless. He wonders about the feeling of neglecting a person that's been by your side for years. Kageyama seemed like he was a pro for such things. He always took notice of how Y/N would look whenever he's decline her offers, the way she walks to class disheartened but when she sees the setter, she instantly lights up at the sight.

Seeing her cry that day was enough for him to keep a distance.

How can he even comfort her? The moment she turned her back to Kageyama, she had a hopeless smile on her lips, tears continuously rolling down her puffy cheeks. He could see the way she collapsed that way. How the queen finally let go of her duties from the king.

-

Kageyama laid on his bed with earphones in, hands to his chest focused on the melodies. It was ironic how he wanted to badly catch up on what he's lost. He was badly trying to find the trail back to you but he was unfortunate. It seemed like he was the one that changed everyone's destination.

The moment she stepped in the gym, so bewildered at the different personalities they had. Hinata was the first one to approach her, asking her questions about their "friendship." The following months went by and Hinata found comfort in her and so did the rest of the team, favoring her for her endless support, always hearing her cheers at each game. After every match, she'd always encourage the others, being the brightest sun to cast upon the team who was discouraged.

Yet he found this unnecessary?

He bites his lip at his old thought. He hated himself for thinking how useless of a habit that was for you. He believed that Daichi was enough to lift up the spirits of his teammates so the team really didn't need you. It's opposite for the others though. They truly appreciated each of your compliments, each pat on the shoulder or head. Even if you wanted to do the same for him, he'd always walk away before you could even reach him. Hinata and Yamaguchi would always try to make you forget how harsh the boy was.

He lets his eyes close for a while. For a second, he was at peace but then words started resurfacing.

"How could you just walk away?"

He tries to ignore the tone of her voice, trying to drown it out by increasing the volume, but his heart was panicking at the memory. Even if he tightly shuts his eyes, all he can imagine was the sight of the last time he saw her. He wanted to sit up, to avoid the anxiousness that was crawling under his skin, but his back remained on the bed, struggling to escape the encounter.

"Is it that easy to forget me?"

Y/N.

(TW! Anxiety attack. Do not proceed if this makes you uncomfortable)

He calls out to her like a whisper, clutching his pillow as he stares wide eyed at the ceiling. He feels the room swirl around him, the walls caving on him as every insult and memory came to him. He sits up and desperately tries to walk but he collapses on the floor, hands quickly reaching the hem of his shirt bringing it over his shoulders. Panting incredibly with his sweat covering his forehead as he tried to calm himself down but each second he was reminded of a moment in his life he could never change.

"Hey..Kageyama it's okay." Y/N tries to reach for his shoulder but he harshly grabs a hold of her hand, gripping it tightly in his as he stares her down with his dark eyes, locking on her terrified ones.

"We fucking lost! To Aoba! To Oikawa! How can you act like this when we lost?!" Kageyama shouts at her and she winces at the volume but she lets her other hand rest on top of his, trying to make sure her eye contact reminded him that everything was going to be okay.

"Tobio- Karasuno will come back and win again.. You have to trust that everything isn't set in stone. Failure-"

"FAILURE? I don't have any fucking time for more failures Y/N! You simply don't know what that feels cause all you've been doing is tagging along and being useless." He spat and you felt your smile crumble at his words. He removes your hands from his as he frustratedly runs his hands to his hair, feeling as if pins went through his hands, blaming it for their loss.

"Kageyama..you don't m-mean that. Stop. I know you're angry-"

"I'm disappointed Y/N for fucks sake! I could've done better! We could've won if I didn't slip up. Stop acting like you can fucking solve everything and leave!" She takes a step forward to him as he extends out a hand, blocking her from moving any further. The gesture completely draining the life out of her, her heart growing more and more in her chest, the admiration for the boy trying to erase his negativity.

"K-kageyama-"

"Fuck Y/N! Can't I have a day without you talking to me? Or even being around me? I don't need you. The team doesn't need you. No one else does.. so please just leave already."

He stares at her for a while before rushing off, annoyance and pride feeding his heart and mind. She sees him getting more and more distant as she lets her last smile fall on her lips. All the love and joy was erased from her heart, feeling how shallow and dark the atmosphere was inside it. It began to feel like every heartbeat was slowing down as her tears painted her a trail as she walked. The tears continuously flooded her cheeks as every function of her body was weakening with every action.

She feels the tension that there was in the bus, while she was stuck in the corner, silent.

Silent but the Kings poison consumed her.

Happy birthday to me then. She thinks bitterly.

She looks at the scenery beside her, appealing dull. She allows her heart to cry at the sharp pieces that went through it, as if it was like a balloon being popped or like the light from a fire was blown out.

There was a certain part of her that died that day. She wonders if it was her entirely, or just her ability to feel anything apart from the harsh reality. It was the mere feeling of hearing him say the exact opposite of the words you were badly used to. As the person who he counted on even back at Kitagawa, you should've believed it. But every word he threw were all words that should've never been brought to light. You were back to zero to say the least, back at the darkest corner of your mind. Touching in with your negative emotions drowning you with every replay of of his words.

Then she glances at him.

She lets her eyes linger on him for the last time before she sighs, hands forming a ball, nails digging through her skin.

I don't know you anymore.

Kageyama opens his eyes slowly, hands reaching for his phone as he dials a forgotten number. He was panting furiously, desperate to hear the sound of your voice he was late to miss. He dreaded the silence the surrounded him, he wished the silence would be killed by your voice, assuring him that all was forgiven and you were ready to come back to him so he can apologize for everything he's done.

On the other end of the line, you sighed sadly. You the see way your phone lit up the dark room, seeing a name you've yet to see in months. You carefully place the phone in your hands, trying to find the feeling in your chest when he was around. The feeling of excitement to see or hear him has vanished yet you wished that you had the ability to feel for him again.

Love has faded, no evidence, not even a trace.

So you put the phone down, done waiting to be found.

Kageyama hears the way the sound of the phone stopped, seeing his wallpaper flash in front of him. He lets the tears fall from his eyes as he calls out to you one more time, even if you broke your promise, still holding on to it but there wasn't a chance for him anymore.

And the queen left the kingdom, leaving the king to rule by himself.

[my-headcanons-academia]

Are Iida's legs okay?? (Iida quirk hc)

• If he punctured his engine would it heal or would he weld it?

If it's a biological thing, which I think I should assume it is since it grows out of him, then it would heal.

What if it's a Bakugou thing, like how Bakugou doesn't sweat nitroglycerin, he sweats nitroglycerin like sweat. What if it's not metal, it's just a metal-like skin.

Wait is Testutestu actually metal or is it hardened skin like metal?

I bet he isn't sure if it would heal or he'd need to weld it and this keeps this man up at night. He asked Midoriya his opinion but Midoruya just mumbled to himself for hours until he was distracted because it is now midnight and Iida asked him at lunch.

• Those are blue flames we see coming from those engines are known to go into overheat and to my knowledge, he has normal skin around that so that would hurt right??

THE NERVE DAMAGE THIS MAN MUST HAVE???

He has insanely high pain tolerance to deal with this stuff and it's really a detriment. He can get stabbed in the leg and not know unless he looks down because he legit just doesn't feel anything.

He has a bunch of scars around his calves too from scrapes he didn't really think were that deep, so when he thought they were healed enough he'd pick the scab off thinking the skin was grown fine underneath it but no. Picking the scab makes it look like a murder scene with all the blood. That was an interesting night when he had to explain why he had blood on his hands to Tensei who walked in on him by the sink.

• And how does fuel work?? again those are B L U E and purple flames! you need a lot of fuel and gas for that stuff?

Wiki says "he drinks orange juice as a source of fuel for his Quirk, while carbonated drinks make him stall" so it's like Momo's quirk but then what the fuck is his stomach doing?? (Also why doesn't he have Orange Juice or capri suns on hand then??? Give him compartments in his suit for orange juice if that is his literal fuel????)

Poor doctors in mha, 1. Mutant quirks change anatomy so much, the organs have to change too, so things are probably never in the same place, and what if they find a new organ then don't know what is or why it's there?? Same goes for emitter quirks, different things are gonna be different specialised to each individual, AND TRANSFORMATION QUIRKS. DOES IT ALL CHANGE?? DO ORGANS AND BONES AND STUFF ALL JUST CHANGE?? WHAT IF THEY NEED TO GO SURGERY BUT THE DOCTORS DONT KNOW WTF THEYRE LOOKING AT?? • He's a try hard nerd jock so I bet he chugged gasoline one time to see if it would make him run faster.

I bet he did all the maths, all the equations and probabilities, and he still drank it. Tesei saw, took pictures and hangs them up around the house to forever use as blackmail.

• Back on about the Orange juice thing, if the fuel is made of that, then does he leave CO2 or nah? Does it smell of Oranges? Is it a nice smell? Is he just a walking fragrencer?

Because it would be warm oranges because y'know it's fire. Would that smell good? are there fumes with it too? is it like flatulence and oranges? because you do need gas for those blue flames.

Iida has been around the smoke from his engines all his life so he's gone nose-blind toward it and no one gives him a straight answer when he asks if it smells of anything. Uraraka said burnt marshmallows, Tensei (who is also nose-blind to it) said pineapple, Izuku took a whiff and got high. No one is allowed to purposefully whiff it anymore.

• This man needs more leg support damn. That much thrust from his calves can not be good for his knees. I know he's grown up with it so he's used to it, and he either has the strongest knees in existence from all that endurance or his knees dislocate every other time he uses his quirk.

He has so much joint pain. He wants to get a walking stick for his joint pain and it confuses villains because they think that must mean he's out of commission but no, he can easily withstand the pain, the cane just helps. And can also be used as a weapon. The aesthetic bastard probably makes it look like a sword to match his aesthetic.

• Speaking of aesthetic, he saw Denki playing portal 2 one time and saw the characters long fall boots and instantly fell in love with them (he wants to commission Mei to make them but is honestly too scared to,)

He runs so quickly, if he goes up a ramp he will go flying and when he lands, having those kind of boots to cushion the fall wouldhelp exponentially. Also it'll make him even taller and I'm all for that. They also fit his aesthetic!

• More speaking of his aesthetic. I get the whole knight shtick is a family thing and it is also very endearing. But the wind drag. Wind resistance isn't really a problem for us because we go at human speed. He goes at human speed but the human has engines in his legs. That much clunky armour is good for protection especially to cushion the blow if he messes up a run and crashes into something and it's also good for blunt force trauma for up close attacks but there is gonna be so much wind drag. He already has enough speed where it doesn't matter too much if he is dragged just a little bit but I imagine wind drag could mess up balance and stuff. And here's where I'm torn, because he's a rich kid who is proud of his family so wants to carry on the tradition, same hero name, same hero aesthetic, same stuff like that, but should that really go above functionality? I'm not saying to minimise wind resistance he should wear a leotard or speedo or something with no armour like that, and idk the materials used, but that armour looks heavy.

He has so much inner turmoil about this. He always has an identity crisis when this is brought up.

• This bitch's metabolism tho. Orange juice is one fuel, what are the others? whatever they are, he should be eating a lot of it because that stuff gets burnt up so quick. He wouldn't be chubby, because all of his running, and he already looks like a big sturdy guy, I'm just saying, for efficiency, he should look like how Russian Women Who Fight Bears, or a Viking, that kinda physique, strong as hell, big and sturdy.

• He should have prescription goggles instead of glasses. Or. Y'know. CONTACT LESNES. SO YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY. ABOUT YOUR GLASSES BREAKING. OR FALLING OFF WHEN YOU ZOOM. But I do understand it's for the nerd-jock trope. Guess he cares about aesthetic more than functionality 😔 but goggles can keep wind out your eyes if tho. He looks like a lovable doofus either way.

Uraraka recommends contact lenses since he forgot those existed.

He cries that day. But he was wearing the goggles so the tears kinda just stayed there.

[willddheartt]

26 Days | Wilbur Soot

30 days to fall in love with someone? Sounds easy right? It would be if that person wasn’t so unbelievably annoying in almost every sense.

You’re not sure how you found yourself in this situation, but you were positive there was no backing out now…

Series Warnings: Mostly fluff and angst, and a very poorly constructed enemies to lovers plot.

Word Count: 2264

Masterlist Series Masterlist

26 Days

God, you hated him so much! You wanted to scream it from the top of a building how much you truly hated Wilbur. But you couldn’t

Lately, no matter what you did or said on stream, he always had a problem with it. You had been streaming Minecraft together, on the SMP. You were just messing around, no lore this time. You suggested you made a house together in L’manburg, no matter what you did, the two of you couldn't agree on a material, you wanted to build it out of birch wood and cobblestone but he insisted on dark oak logs and spruce planks would look better together. You gave up and let him have what he wanted because he was so persistent and you knew had it gone on you would have blown up on him in front of all your viewers, and that’s the last thing you needed right now. 

You were up late, last night, planning out when you were going to meet up, and just a few hours ago the two of you got along perfectly. Laughing over the phone as you were laying in bed, chatting mindlessly. You wondered what happened between then and now.  You and Will planned to meet up in the middle of next week, you were going to drive down to see him and stay at his place. Although you brought up getting a hotel room, Wilbur insisted you stay with him, too tired to resist you agreed, but now you're starting to think maybe getting a hotel room might be for the best. 

You and Wilbur ended your streams at the same time, and you sighed as soon as you were sure it was off. 

“What?” Wil asked, still in the voice chat.  “What was that back there? Why the hell are you so disagreeable?” You let out.  Will scoffed, “Me? You’re the one who kept on insisting birch and cobble when that wouldn't even fit in L’manburg!”  “Jesus Christ,” You sighed, leaning back in your chair and running your hands down your face. “How in the hell are we going to get through this month?”  “Maybe you should stop being so uptight and argumentative.” Wil shot  “Fuck you,” You mumbled before clicking out of the chat and leaving your PC. 

You needed to get out of the house and away from any form of contact you had with Wilbur and social media. You had been cooped up inside your apartment for close to a week at this point, maybe some fresh air would do you good.  You grabbed a jacket and keys before leaving the apartment, leaving your phone charging on your desk. You didn’t want to bring it with you because you didn't even want to think about getting a text or any kind of notification from Wilbur right now, you knew you would have blown up at him completely. 

The weather was just beginning to turn nice, the air was warm but the wind still had a slight winter chill to it, although all the snow was long gone Jack Frost still made his lurking presence known.  Buildings lined the walls of a small square common area where teens mostly hung out after school and on weekends. The square had a fountain in the middle of it, the water had been shut off for the winter but with the warm temperatures from the last month, it had recently been turned back on.  You sat on the ledge of the brick wall around the bottom pool for the fountain, looking at everyone passing through on this nice Wednesday evening. Older couples out for an evening walk, middle-aged business people speed walking their way home from the office, teens scattering the open area, sitting on blankets and laughing in their small groups of friends. You found watching people be interesting, it made you think. 

We are all living our own lives at the same time and most of us on this small planet don't even know of one another, or if you know of them you don't know them, you only know their name. It's weird how that works.  It's astounding to think about though, what are the chances of meeting exactly who you did, at the time you did, and what a gamble it is for them to stick around. 

You had been sitting on the fountain for close to five minutes and when the wind had just started to pick up, sending a slight shiver down your spine.  Your mind was clearer now and you were no longer angry with Wilbur, it was stupid what you fought about and as much as it pained you to admit, he was right.  You were being stubborn and didn’t take into account the surrounding aesthetic of the area. It was your fault that the disagreement broke out in the first place. 

You got home and saw your phone had been basically blown up by notifications from Wilbur, asking if you were really mad at him or if it was for a bit that you took too far, but when you didn't answer he slightly snapped you, asking if you were okay and where you were.  You answered immediately, scared he might have been worrying.

Hey! You typed, Sorry I went for a walk after stream, needed to get out. 

There you are! He responded within seconds, I got worried. 

I’m okay, I left my  phone home, needed a break from the internet and things. You know? 

You mean you needed a break from me? 

You could have sworn, had you been on a video chat with him you would have seen him frowning. You weren't sure what about that message got you, but you found yourself almost with tears in your eyes, you didn't mean to hurt him and you hoped you didn't -what were you talking about. Wilbur didn't mean anything to you, he was just someone you kept in contact with because you were in the same friend group. 

No, you typed, not the whole thing at least. I just needed to clear my head, and i'm sorry for being such a dick on stream, I didn't mean to cause that, and you were right about the blocks. 

You sighed when hitting the send button, never in a million years did you think you would be telling Wilbur, The Wilbur Soot, that he was right about something. I’m sorry. 

Christ Y/N it’s alright, really. Just don't scare me like that again, I was starting to think something bad happened to you. 

I didn't mean to scare you, Wil. 

You found yourself feeling bad about leaving him in the dark while you were out, you didn't mean to worry him, you just didn't want to hurt him by blowing up at him. 

Still call tonight, yeah? He messaged 

You nodded, even though he couldn't see you. Yeah, I'd like that very much. I'll call you before I go to sleep. 

In the time that you had been a fake couple, you and Will had started calling while you were getting ready to fall asleep in bed, you usually ended up falling asleep before he did, the sound of his raspy sleepy voice lulled you to sleep like there was no tomorrow. You'd wake up in the morning to find that Wil left the call going, you thought it was cute. Sure it might have been some highschool relationship stuff but it was cute nonetheless. 

-

“Hello, Y/N” Will said through the phone, his voice sounding tired and soft  “Hi Wil,” You smiled, giggling slightly. Although you had just been on a voice chat with him earlier you loved hearing his voice when he was tired, it sounded like stirring honey into your morning cup of tea, or reading an old book, but specifically an old book that smells of must and age of being stored at the back of your grandparents bookshelf that hadn't been touched in years.  “You sound tired,” you mumbled, laying down with the phone resting on your stomach as you looked up at the ceiling.  “I am,” He hummed, “You don't sound very tired though, did you drink a lot of coffee today?” He asked  “A little more than usual, but I’ll be fine.” You sighed, your voice almost coming out in a whisper. There was something about talking to Wilbur before going to sleep that made you feel soft and loved, but you couldn't put your finger on exactly what it was. Maybe it was the thought of having someone there, or maybe it was just as simple as it was Wilbur and it was you.  

“Are you excited for next week?” He asked  “Right now it feels too far away to be real,”  “Who’s talking here, is it you you or is it us you?” He asked, unsure if your thoughts were good or bad “Its both,” You said. “It feels so far away to me right now, but so close at the same time and a side of me cant wait for it to get here, so we can finally meet in person. But another side of me feels like it’s good that it feels so far away because maybe something will come up and I wont be able to make it and i don’t want to think that or even say it because thats a terrible thing to say but you know how it is.” You rambled, trying your best to explain it to him in a way that he would fully understand the crossroads your mind is at, and not sound like a dick while doing it. 

Although you couldn’t see it, you could tell he was nodding along. “How about we make a deal, alright?” He started, “In these night chats, we don’t have to put on the face of the characters we play on stream and through out the day, Alright?”  You rolled over to your side, putting an arm under your head and setting your phone on the mattress by your head. “I like that. Deal.”  “Okay now tell me how you really feel about all of this” 

All the thoughts ran though your head a mile a minute, you didn’t know where to start honestly, you had a lot of thoughts but if you really looked at it and narrowed it down most of them talked circles around the same thing just using different words. 

“You promise what ever I say wont hurt you or make you flip out?” You asked  “Swear on Tommy’s life.” You could sense the smirk that tugged at the side of his mouth when he said that. “Okay,” You started with a sigh. “So I din’t really know where I stand on it anymore, at the beginning I thought this was going to be insufferable, but now that we’ve gotten into it for a few days, you’re really not that bad, but I’m still on the fence.”  “I hope come meeting, your opinion has changed a little bit more. But I do understand where you’re coming from. Its weird being able to talk off stream and such with you and not be fighting twenty-four-seven. It’s nice, I feel like I’m getting to know you better.” 

He was right, you had told Wilbur more in the last five days than you had ever in your years of knowing him. You were surprised to find out that he’s actually not as bad as you thought, but you would never tell him that bit. 

“Do you have to put on a character when we do those streams and such, Wilbur?” You asked, 

“I don’t think I do, and if I do it I don’t know what I’m doing it. It’s just something thats easy to do, I’m not sure how to explain it.” He replied “Do you have to when we’re talking like this?”  “No. Not at all, this is 100% me.” 

You’re not sure what part hit you the most, when he said he didn’t have to put on a full character mask when showing your ‘relationship’ to the public, or if this Wilbur, the tired one was the real Wilbur who you've been falling asleep with for the past three nights. You weren’t sure what you though you wanted to hear when asking him that but it definitely wasn't what you go, but maybe it was what you needed. 

The line went dead for a couple of minutes, you had the radio playing softly in the background to help you sleep better, and Wilbur seemed to be enjoying listening to you breathe through the phone.

“Hey Wil,” You yawned  “HM?” He hummed, you could tell he had his eyes closed with the phone by his face, like he did on one of your face time calls the other day.  “I’m soon gonna pass-out,” You whispered  “Thats alright, go to sleep. Get your rest, I’ll be here when you wake up, love.” He was so sweet it almost made your heart hurt.  “Okay” You nodded, but don’t hang up, okay? I like it when you’re here with me when I fall asleep.” 

You struggled to keep your eyelids open, feeling heavy and light all at the same time. You felt so light it was as if you could float away but you were too heavy and weighed down to get up and move, even if you absolutely had to move for whatever reason you don't think you could have. 

“Goodnight Wilbur, love you.” You mumbled into your pillow  “Sweet dreams.” 

[thekillingmoonmoon]

Hello Moon, how’s it going? Hopefully you’re having a good day :)

I’m in the middle of my usual fanfic brainrot - and as I was trying to figure out this steamy Toji fanfic I’ve been wanting to write for ages (with no success, unfortunately) I thought of how its dynamics/tropes could fit well in a mythology AU ..

Saying “Mythology” had me instantly thinking of you, and that’s why I came here - I wanted to ask you: have you ever thought of writing mythology AU fanfics? I’m curious about your view of them, if you want to share it! :)

I personally have always refrained from seriously giving it a try: I don’t want to portray myths & themes in a misleading way, but at the same time I would also like to keep some of the exceptionally crude themes out of my works .. I also don’t want to mess too much with characterisations, so yeah - in fear of making a disaster I simply never wrote a real story down. Nevertheless, I have to admit there are scenarios/parallels that sound very interesting ..

What about you? What do you think of the matter?

I hope to hear from you soon, but meanwhile have a nice day! <3

okay okay, time to crack my knuckles!

I love the idea of mythology AUs. I really really do. I love mythology, and I love seeing what other people do with myths and how they integrate mythology into writing

I think that the joy in an AU is how dynamic and variable the changes can be - An AU can be simple: what if so-so stayed alive? (Toji, my beloved), what if these characters actually got together? (ChosoYuki, my beloved) or you can change the entire universe - you can make a JJK fic in a curse-free world, or Tokyo Revengers as a sports AU (someone please do this, I just don't know enough about sports) and sometimes, you can change a character - like, what if Mikey went to therapy for his "dark impulses"?

Mythology AUs can do all of that. Say I want to write a Greek Mythology AU about JJK - if I cast Gojo as Zeus, I don't necessarily have to make Gojo into a horrible person that does horrible things (Zeus is very much not my favourite god) but I can use some of the aspects of Zeus to re-characterise Gojo. Maybe Gojo won't be as awful to women as Zeus is, but he'll have lightning powers and have many lovers.

I actually really want to write Mythology AUs or Fairy Tale AUs but I'm scared that people won't enjoy it because they know the ending? like they know the prince will save the day or the distressed nymph will become a tree (Apollo, you bastard) and that's why I'm wary of those sort of AUs.

One solution is to just borrow elements from mythology, maybe a power or two, or maybe an aesthetic feel (I try this, sometimes). You can also always turn the myth on its head. Have the princess save the hero, or the monster be the better person. Revisionism is a very strong movement at the moment (especially in my field, my bookshelf is full of retellings of classic novels)

It's a lot of fun, and no interpretation of a character is wrong. If I think Toji enjoys honey whiskey on the rocks and is the human embodiment of regret, then that's correct for my version of Toji, and I'm allowed to write him like that. The rest is confetti. Write the character you want, in the story you want, with the ending you want. forget the rest. if you enjoyed writing your piece, people will enjoy reading your piece.

Why do I feel like I was giving a sermon? I hope it doesn't feel like I was sermonising >_<

Anyway, I had a good day today and i might finish it off by writing or planning for my future fics I might actually add a mythology AU to my list of ideas :]

all of the looooove to yoooou <3

🐰🌙

[thethreemages]

W O O, so I'm back a bit from the art-grave to finally upload this piece I had completed a lil while ago... the pic in question being some slight redesign/touchups for two of my central side characters of TTM, Noira and Raider Crane~ 💙 Just to keep things a lil fresh and reflecting a bit better of their current character portrayals, so I hope you all enjoy! ^^

More info about both characters can be found below (and here on DA too)~

-Noira Crane (age 16) is Raider's younger sister, Princess Zia's best friend and currently enrolled at St. Ravilda's Mage Academy. A generally stoic and poised young lady with a rather sharp tongue than many would expect... often expressed through well-placed snark at those trying to interrupt her and Zia's "fun" (aka: sneaking around and setting up pranks around the school). When she's not busy hanging with Zia and keeping up their rather limited cheer squad these days, Noira could often be seen competing heavily for maintaining her place up above the top ranked students (of which a certain white-haired prince keeps trying to secure that spot for himself). Underneath her "well-to-do" exterior, however... lies a deep-down insecure girl who often feels pressured to bottle up her feelings, especially with the amount of pressure her parents (Lachlan & Vinia) put on both her and her brother Raider growing up. Combined with the strain put on from Raider's falling out with their parents a few years back... it's left Noira rather scared to delve too much into her own natural Water Mage abilities for fear she can't measure up (even with her folks trying their best to "dial back" for her sake, since she's their only remaining child living with them now). The few things in life that can truly bring a sense of peace and smiles to her face are Zia's company, the success of beating her rivals, and the never-ending bond she and Raider share between eachother... no matter the distance, no matter what.  (Fun Facts about Noira): -She's usually never seen walking around without her beloved dog companion, "Misty Belle" (courtesy to my pal @littlechaoticwitch for helping to come up with the name :3 ). The fluffy pup given to her as a gift from her folks a few years back, Misty is quite a sweet lil lady for most who are allowed to be near her. Always eager to follow her mistress around faithfully, snuggling and goofing around the room when left idle, and occasionally chewing at the ankles of those who try to mess with Noira (like, again, a certain white-paired prince who never ceases to push his luck lol).  -She was named after one of the earlier Crane family ancestors, "Noira the Victress". Said to have been quite a powerful blood pirate, the present-day Noira Crane has... always been a bit unsure of how to feel about her namesake, despite her father and some other distant relatives seeming rather proud of it. She's still a lil curious to try and research more about her ancestor though, given how popular she was as a subject for numerous campfire stories.  -Noira has been diagnosed as nearsighted from the time she was in elementary school, and thus is never seen without her favorite pair of horn-rimmed glasses (an aesthetic picked up from her favorite aunt, Freya).  -While her parents have officially stated for Noira to be the heir to their Crane Corp Industries business, Noira is still conflicted in herself of what she wants to do in life by the time she graduates. Whether it'd be to try out being a traveling Mage, or join more of Zia's royal court down in Asteria... its hard for her to decide atm.  -Being born a rather tiny and frail baby, Noira was always watched like a hawk by the family-hired medical professionals to keep her safe and protected. She's required to carry a couple EpiPens with her on the day-to-day with how many allergies she has, and Zia always tries to remember to keep a nice lil bag of snacks with her too in case her friend's blood sugar dips too low (as does Raider when he and Noira get to hang out on their own).  ============= -Raider Crane (age 21) is Noira's older brother, one of Kain's old school friends and currently making it big as an extreme stunt performer/traveling Electric mage. A bright, cheerful and fun-loving young man who lives to make others smile... whether it'd be for his own friend group or the crowds of audiences who clamor to come see his shows. Yet even with so much going well for him now... it wasn't always the easiest for him growing up before. Living under the roof of his folks who

always kept a tight grip

on him being "the best" (especially by his father), and even facing it worse with some bullying by Kaz's crew at school... it left Raider pretty timid and reclusive for the longest time. Only once others like Kain, Lyra, Briar and a few others taking the time to approach him did his true loveable goofball nature started to sprout for good... but at the same time, something just felt "missing" within Raider that didn't really sit right with him. Knowing how much of a rut he'd be bound to stay in if he kept up things how they were now... he decided by his last few years of Ravilda's to "change" himself for the better. From getting a new "bolder" punk look, working out and bulking over the summer, and taking some social sessions with fellow popular girl Dyani to gain some confidence in himself... Raider returned to the halls of the academy with a brighter, more-outgoing outlook on life now. He started gaining popularity left and right, taught Kaz's crew a thing or two when they tried one last chance to mess with him, and by graduation he was already on his way to make it big after getting signed on by an aspiring tv crew. All was going fine for once... yet back at home, things escalated between his parents (who still didn't seem understanding of Raider's personal dreams over their family business) to where Raider just... couldn't take it anymore. Many words were exchanged that night that prompted the young man to up and leave the family home for good... and never turning back except to now and then check up on his baby sister Noira. As the few years passed up until now, things are still going good for Raider in terms of his work and bond with Noira... though things remain relatively strained and awkward in regards to him and his parents. Whether things will ever truly improve or not with them is unclear as of now... but for the time being, Raider is at least content with himself on being able to finally shape his life the way it should be; fun, free, and fulfilling in its own way~.  (Fun Facts about Raider): -Back at his own personal trailer, Raider has a trio of cats he adopted awhile back named "Sprocket", "Buzz", and "Zipps". Having always been a strong cat person since he was a boy (but never getting the chance to own one growing up, given his mom's allergy to them), it was a big dream of Raider's to get his own feline companion by the time he moved out of the house. He went to the shelter to find three kitten siblings who were tossed aside and overlooked among some other animals... and being the big sweetie as he was, Raider was all too eager to scoop them up to adopt them all together. They're quite a funny bunch who tend to get into some trouble if left unsupervised, but are very much loyal to Raider either way with how often they'll form some "snuggle piles" with him once he's off-of-work.  -Raider gained his name from his paternal great-grandfather, Raider "The Swiftest" Crane. Originally was going to be named "Odin" (after Lachlan's own father, as was the old man's request many years ago)... but due to a falling out between the two not long before his son's birth, Lachlan decided against that and gave his boy "an even prouder name" to look up to instead. As for the present-day Raider himself, he's always been curious to know more about his great-grandfather given some accounts about him being a "commander of the skies" (via-riding dragons).  -From birth, Raider has carried an eye condition known as "Anisocoria"... in which one of his pupils is permanently smaller than the other eye and thus leaving him with some partially-blurred vision. For certain shows of his that take place in some heavy-weather conditions, Raider is required to wear some specialized goggles to help him see through his performance.  -His current neon/cyan blue hair isn't his natural haircolor, as Raider was actually born with darker/blackish-blue hair instead. Used to grow it out pretty shaggy and long up until his teens (in where he often hid his face behind his locks at times when he was down on himself)... but by the time his last

few highschool years rolled around, he cut most of it off and styled it to the look its at now as a nice change of pace. Got quite a few compliments on it's initial debut, so Raider has long since kept it around as his own lil "brand".  -As most of his friends have all long since went their separate ways after Ravilda's, Raider is the main one who likes to keep arranging for them to meet up on the few downtimes they're able to take off from their schedules. Often likes to greet any of his buddies with the biggest, crushing hugs imaginable (being lowkey touch-starved as he is)... and while not always the most logical thinker in terms of planning, he's the main heart to keep the group afloat in times they start bickering or feeling lost with one another.

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hi! Im sorry to send you another match up but I think theyre so cute 🥺 My name is Alex (they/them). Im generally tall (175 cm about) I have short hair that I dye different colors every so often and I have blue eyes. I'm a taurus. I get mostly A's in school but I hate doing school work so much and often procrastinate. I have social anxiety but thats mostly in regard to talking to people. I kind of kin Kenma. I think I'm pretty loyal and funny, but I think I'm scared I'm too clingy.

🍰 for @galaxy-of-my-heart

Romantic Matchup

Oikawa Tooru

How yall met

You had been friends with him and Iwa for years

Yall a pretty tight knit group

But there was no denying that you and Oikawa were vv close

Iwa felt like he was third wheeling half the time you guys we’re together

And if people didn’t know your guy’s relationship they would often think you were dating

When high school rolled around Oikawa was starting to realize that his little crush on you wasn’t going away anytime soon

But he was scared to ask you in fear that it would ruin your great friendship

So what did he do?

Rant about it to Iwa

Little did he know

You we’re giving Iwa the exact same rant

Ngl he was getting pretty annoyed with you two

So he decided to take matters into his own hands

Yeah he basically just ratted you out to one another

And after you found out feelings were mutual between you two

You guys started dating

What they love about you

He loves that you hold him accountable

He knows how loyal you are

And naturally if your loyal to someone

You expect the same loyalty right back

After you guys started dating he immediately told all his fans that he was in a relationship and that they needed to respect that

He loves your clingyness

But he doesn’t even call it that

To him it’s just you showing affection

But to him you can never be to clingy

Ok so he actually really likes how often you change your hair

It always keeps him on his toes

Like will you show up with red or purple hair today?

Or did you even change it at all?

Who knows

But it’s always a surprise with you

And he loves it

What you love about them

You also love how he holds you accountable

Bb if your worried about procrastinating

Don’t be

He will make sure you stay on top of your game

The amount of times he’s reminded you about upcoming tests is crazy

But it really helps so your grateful

You love that he was willing to tell his fans to back off when you started dating

You know how much his fans meant to him

But he was still willing to distance himself from them if it meant being with you

You love that he’s your closest friend

When you started dating It was almost like nothing changed between you two

He was still your best friend

But now you just had different titles

And you love that he’s just familiar to you

Favorite things to do together

He likes to dye your hair with you

On the off chance you warn him about dyeing your hair

Oh boy he’s at the door in SECONDS ready to help

And it’s not even the act of helping that he loves

It’s the things you do while the dye sets that he loves

Basically to him it’s just an excuse to hang out with you

While the dye is setting you guys are usually

Watching movies

Listening to music

Cooking

Baking

Anything really

Random Hc

He didn’t want to permanently dye his hair

So one day you guys just got that spray on hair dye

It still left a hint of color in his hair tho 😳

He’ll talk to people for you

Only if the situation is making you uncomfortable

NO UNCOMFORTABLE Y/N ON HIS WATCH!

Iwa felt the exact same way with you two even after you started dating

But now he could officially say he was the third wheel

Astrology

Taurus + Cancer

Compatibility 91%

Taurus and Cancer present the gentlest couple of the zodiac.

When they fall in love, they will rarely find the reason to separate, because of their shared emotional goals for love, understanding, family and the feeling of home.

This is the relationship that seems like a perpetuum mobile of love, in case both partners don’t already have too much emotional baggage that makes them unable to give and receive this depth of emotion.

Even if they do, with no obstacles on the way, they will likely learn to forgive and forget as the flow of their relationship takes them to what they always desired.

Overall Aesthetic

Ethereal

Songs-

Still don’t know my name (labyrinth)

Infinity (jaymes young)

Avatars love

Scortons creek (issac Dunbar )

Saturn (sleeping at last)