#(im still not aware if there's more goop or not)

[beedreamscape]

(It was this I wrote months[?] ago btw)

I hope when we see Opal again she'll be dripping in black goo like a bird fresh out of the petroleum spill

[lordprettyflackotara]

noise || hoody

SMUT. MINORS DNI. 18+. remember when i talked about this hoody fic 509 years ago? yeah here it is. also yeS i am aware masky & hoody belong to marble hornets this is the only time im going to address this💀 we are in 2024 in this fandom WE KNOW. anyways enjoy !! <3

If there was anything you could’ve changed about your life, you had a particular decision in mind.

Being a desperate college student for cash, babysitting and dog walking wasn’t paying the off the debt you were accumulating.

You had scoured Craigslist, confident that there would be an odd job you’d be able to accomplish for quick cash.

Looking back you wish you had known quick cash wouldn’t come easy.

A posting offering $5k a week fell into your lap about a week later. The details seemed easy enough. The ability to clean an older mansion, whilst keeping the identities of the multiple infamous residents that resided there a secret seemed like a piece of cake.

What the posting didn’t list, was that the infamous residents were unhinged killers. Some of which you couldn’t even categorize as human.

It also didn’t list that your position would be residing in the mansion, permanently.

Being a maid in the Slenderman mansion was, in lack of better words: fucking terrifying.

The residents operated at odd hours. No matter what time you cleaned, you always received the displeasure of running into someone.

The longer you stayed, the longer paranoia began to settle in. Ben Drowned, the poster of the Craigslist ad, was a perv. You learned to stray away from electronic devices he could peep his head through. Jeff the killer, one of the most unhinged, had a short temper. He was one of the first ones to opt out of having his room cleaned by you, a decision you silently praised after walking by and seeing how filthy it was.

The next to opt out with a demonic creature named Eyeless Jack, one who specifically requested you stay out of his medical lab. Given all of the blood and goop you had mopped up at this point, a fear of being eaten led you to offering to clean it regardless. EJ knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it, given his ‘hobbies’ were the most gore filled of the mansions residents. It didn’t surprise him when you left the lab green, puking immediately in a bucket he had placed beside the door for you.

The other members whose names you were obligated to memorize, Jane, Clockwork, Jason the something maker, all were rarely home. You learned to steer clear of Jason’s workshop, the dolls he made often speaking to you as if they had souls. The only three other residents who lived in the mansion full time (minus its owner), were what you learned to be proxies. These proxies, two of them at least, seemed to be human just like you.

Ticci Toby’s mortality was still up in the air for you. He once had tripped and fallen after you had mopped the floors, landing on the marble face first. He got up like nothing happened, giggling to himself about ‘how wet you made the floor’. After observing him throw axes in the training room, you decided to steer clear of him.

Masky seemed to be the trio’s leader, his face consistently hidden behind a doll resembling mask. He avoided you like the plague, skipping the formalities and acting as if you didn’t exist. You never asked questions, not knowing how long anyone had truly been here. But Masky in particular seemed a bit older than everyone, when you accidentally stumbled upon him coming home late one night from a mission. His nose was trailing blood, his mask broken in half. You ensured to avoid eye contact, but extended a wet washcloth to him so he could attend to his nose.

After that your dynamic remained the same for the most part. Except when both of you occupied a room together, neither of you made an effort to beeline to the door.

Hoody was the last proxy, the one that made you more at ease than the others. Hoody had spoken a grand total of maybe ten words to you, introducing himself and Masky before dashing out of the back door. The only time you really saw him was when you cleaned his room, the man doing a poor job of pretending to read magazines while you cleaned. Other than that, you only caught glimpses of the proxies when they came home in the late hours of the night from missions.

Most of the time they were soaked in blood. In a couple of odd occasions you had to assist them in carrying one another up to Eyeless Jack’s medical lab. You couldn’t figure out why the proxies were here, two humans not seeming to fit in with the rest of misfits that resided here. You had no idea soon enough you’d be up close and personal.

Late night was when you preferred to clean, most of the killers away from the mansion and out hunting. The existence of the residents here only existed because of their dedication to keep their identities a secret. Night time was the perfect cover, for them and for you. You were leaning over the kitchen sink, scrubbing at a particular stubborn pot when you heard the back door open. You tried very hard not to stare, not wanting to gain unwanted attention.

You glanced up briefly, catching a glance of Toby’s and Masky’s familiar figures as they trudged upstairs. “He cost us that fucking mission, Slender’s gonna be so pissed off,” Masky growled, rounding the corner of the kitchen. Toby trailed behind him, an axe dripping blood slung over his shoulder. “Y-yeah, what w-w-was he thinking?!” Toby exclaimed, his stuttering something you had grown accustomed to. You noted Hoody’s absence, your eyebrows raising as you returned your gaze to the pot.

The sound of doors slamming echoed through out the other wise quiet mansion, the silence fulfilling you with some sort of ease. It didn’t take long for the final proxy to stumble into frame, his hand cupping his face. You weren’t forbidden from interacting with the mansions residents, your urge to help sweeping over you. Hoody was awkwardly stumbling, immediately leaning onto you for support as you helped him stay standing.

“I got it,” He huffed. His usual ski mask was half raised, the bottom half of his face revealed to you for the first time. His chin and upper lip had surprisingly clean cut facial hair, kept to a minimum. You guided him around the counter, helping him sit onto the kitchen counter by the sink. Hastily he shoved his yellow hood off of his head, yanking the ski mask off with it. You were surprised a normal human being stared back at you, a large gash sliced across his cheek.

“Jesus Christ,” You muttered. You grabbed a clean wash cloth, running it under cold water. “Didnt ask for your commentary doll,” Hoody said dryly. You swallowed, wringing out the excess water. You could’ve done what you did with Masky, handing him the washcloth and wishing him a silent farewell. But instead you didn’t. “Sorry,” You mumbled. You craved human contact, any kind of human contact. Brushing off your skirt you stepped in between his legs, leaning forward.

You were careful to avoid eye contact, focusing on dabbing the wound. Hoody silently winched under the feeling, inhaling through his teeth. As gently as you could you dabbed away the blood. “Do you want me to get EJ?” You asked. Hoody’s face was stone cold, from what you could see out of the corner of your eye anyways. “Dont bother, i’m sure he’s sick of patching us up all the time,” He grumbled. The wound didn’t look deep, just very long. Thankfully most of the blood was gone, the rest of his face covered in specs of dry blood (that you presumed to not be his) and dirt.

Turning on the sink you washed out the washcloth, the crimson paint drifting off down the drain with the water. You then returned to Hoody, wiping off his face. You weren’t sure what compelled you to be so compassionate, Hoody’s eyes fluttering shut. He took a deep breath, his shoulders seemingly relaxing. You were gentle of course, not wanting to piss the killer in front of you off. But even Hoody knew your action wasn’t callous.

Once you were done you awkwardly stepped aside, putting the rag in the sink. “You want a cig?” Hoody asked. He dug in his jeans, pulling out a beat up cigarette box. “Is this your way of showing gratitude?” You asked. The man in front of you smiled, extending you the box. “This right here is the only kind of buzz you’re getting around here doll,” He explained, allowing himself to half smile. You had never smoked a cigarette before, nor had you really planned on it. Not like it mattered now.

You put one to your lips like people did in movies, watching Hoody do the same. He pulled out a lighter, flicking it and igniting the end of his cigarette. You leaned forward, watching Hoody attempt to flick the lighter again. The flame refused to ignite, the sight of small sparks making him sigh. “Masky always takes the good lighters,” He muttered. He inhaled his cigarette, blowing the smoke to the right. You found the gesture of attempting to not violate you with smoke a little sweet.

“Well I appreciate the offer. I’ve never smoked a cigarette anyways,” You admit. Hoody shook his head. “That just won’t do then. Put it to your lips and stay still,” He ordered. You did as instructed, watching him lean closer to you. His fingers went under your chin, keeping your head held high. You felt your face beginning to burn, the end of his cigarette lighting yours as you inhaled. You both avoided each others gazes, until the second he began to back away.

For a brief moment you shared eye contact, searching each other’s eyes. For what? You didn’t know. You properly inhaled, coughing immediately. “You guys like this stuff?” You asked in between coughs, continuing to choke. Hoody nonchalantly took another drag of his, watching you struggle. “It’ll grow on you, trust me. I didn’t like it at first either,” He confessed. Once you regained strength in your lungs you properly stood up. Hoody remained seated on the kitchen counter, with you standing beside him.

“How long have you been here?” You asked curiously. You were stepping over a hundred boundaries, ones you could die for if you stepped over the line too far. “A while,” Hoody answered honestly. You took another drag of your cigarette, the taste of tobacco growing on you. “How long are you going to be here?” Hoody countered. You exhaled, glancing back at the proxy. He had exhaled through his nose, boldly making eye contact with you.

“A while.”

You found the courage to turn around, facing him fully. “You aren’t lonely?” You asked. Hoody gave you a smile, tossing the bud of his cigarette into the nearby trashcan. “I am, are you?” He asked curiously. You followed his lead, tossing the bud of the cigarette into the trashcan. If it set the kitchen on fire, it wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen. “Yeah I am,” You admit. Hoody slid off of the counter, his tall height towering over you.

“Do you uh, wanna change that?” He asked. For a killer who had a victims blood splattered across his face moments ago, he seemed so awkward. You wondered how long it had been since he had been with a woman. How long would it be before you could be with a man again? “Please,” You sighed. Hoody kissed you just as rough as you expected, both of you melting into the other. Both of you were undeniably needy, touch depraved and lonely. You were sure this was forbidden for both of you but as his tongue slid into your mouth, you just couldn’t find it within yourself to care.

“Call me Brian but only when it’s us, okay? Thats not who I am anymore but that’s who I want to be with you, okay?” Hoody asked. You nodded, the normal name bringing your comfort. Brian’s hand snaked down your waist, squeezing and kneading at the flesh of your ass. You whimpered into his mouth, the sound only making him harder. There was no telling how much longer you’d be around, the residents of the mansion unhinged enough to snap at any moment.

You couldn’t fully undress here and going upstairs was out of the question. “This has to be quick, we can’t get caught,” You whispered. Brian nodded, slipping his hand up your skirt. He rubbed against your wet cunt, your panties preventing any further stimulation. Brian had zero control over his life but he did right here, right now. You had no control over yours either, the decision to fuck each other to release steam the only free will decision either of you could make. You palmed him through his jeans, his cock practically busting through the fabric.

He guided you to the counter, grabbing the sides of your panties and yanking them down to your ankles. He shoved them into his pocket for what you thought to be safe temporary keeping. But Brian had other ideas.

“Fuck, please, wanna feel you Brian,” You whispered, trying hard to not groan loudly. Brian quickly undid his belt bringing his lips back to yours. It had been so long since he had kissed anyone, your soft lips driving him mad. It wasn’t long before his cock was at your entrance, awkwardly shuffling with his jeans at his ankles. He fell a bit backwards, causing you to laugh. “Fucking hell, sorry-” He began apologizing. You giggled, hopping off of the counter.

You brought him fully to the ground, pushing his back against the oven. “This might work better,” You replied, lowering yourself down onto his cock. Brian’s cock felt like heaven, your mouth falling open. Both of you let out a sigh of relief. You had no way to masturbate, no way to possibly release the stressful tension building inside of you. As you pressed your forehead against Brian’s, you realized that this was what you got. This was your outlet.

Brian’s gloved hands met your waist, helping you roll your hips. You let out a loud groan, one of his hands flying to your mouth. “Shh, you can’t make any noise,” Brian warned, your inability to stay composed only making him more hot and bothered. He took control, guiding your hips to ride him at a pace that worked for both of you. You were as wet as a virgin, your body yearning for more as Brian abused your g spot. Your sinful moans were muffled by his gloved hand, his other attempting to guide you.

He brought himself close to your ear. “If you wanna get off, you’re gonna have to ride me by yourself mkay? Do that and i’ll play with that pretty clit of yours doll,” He huffed, trying to control his own noises. You nodded yes profusely, trying to concentrate on grinding your hips against his. With his spare hand he found your clit, drawing sloppy circles around it. For a brief moment he was worried about his ‘skills’ not having slept with a woman in years. Whether he was good or bad at it, you didn’t appear to give a shit. You were still a panting mess, your hair sticking to your forehead from sweat.

Your walls clenched tighter around Brian as you felt yourself closer to euphoria, your eyes fluttering shut. With your forehead pressed to his you pawed at his hoodie, grabbing handfuls as your orgasm washed over you. Your sinful noises were muted by Brian’s hand, the muffled sounds music to his ears that he had made you feel that good. Your walls fluttering around him triggered his own orgasm, his cum flooding inside of you. He dropped his hand from your mouth, both of you taking a moment to breathe.

In a moment of true loneliness you leaned against Brian’s shoulder, ignoring the faint smell of dried blood and sweat. Unsurely Brian stroked your hair, trying to remember if that was comforting or not. He licked his dry lips, a bold question on the tip of his tongue.

“You wanna share a cigarette again tomorrow?”

[pineapplegutzz]

BEFORE YOU INTERACT!!+ GENERAL BIO!⚠️⚠️⚠️

Hi hello!This is the fatal v0re, hard v0re and sometimes g0re blog of @pineappleparfaitie! Before I get to the explanation-

Real quick;

Im aware fatal stuff is more preferee in the nsfw vore community, im a minor thats 16 years old However if an NSFW blig interacts with THIS blog im far more lenient then on my safe/soft stuff.

Still would love if they dont interact with me but yeah ,,,

DO NOT INTERACT: Pedos,zoos, zionists (go fuck yourselves) ,homophobes, transphobes, racists ect ect you know the deal. None of you have any place on any of my blogs including this one. Also while I encorouge minors to express themselves as I AM one, this stuff is GRAPHIC so I truly only reccomend staying here if youre over the age of 16. Anything below 14 or 15 iis not something Im comtrable with , come back later-

Now as for the contents (almost all of them will have a preview of the drawing or work, and the full thing is available under a ''continue reading'', as I use SFW vore tags i do not want anyone who just wants SFW safe noms to see my SFW non safe noms): -fatal vore with reformation -fatal vore without reformation -hard vore -soft vore -goop digestion -graphic digestion -willing vore -unwilling vore -gore in all types and forms I find most of this stuff as a fascinating this/trope in fiction and others as an artist- it can convey more emotions that words to me. None of the actions above are something i suport , would wish on another human being (except like awful capitalistic politicians lol) and its fictional. With all of that out of the way, enjoy your stay!

[huevobuevo]

Okai so apparently splatoon 3 is grippin my dopamine deprived brain with the strength of a blue collar middle age irish immigrant on his last 30 minute cigarette/lunch break SO i made some splatoon aus with. Essentialy every single piece of media i could think of.

If you’re interested good fucking luck

A SPACE ODYSSEY because why not

Set in Alterna where instead of Grizzco the regular squid government (??) sends down a small team to investigate the crater. Same thing as in the original ASO story where they’re aware of Alterna’s existence but they hide it from David & Frank honestly they dont know much about it either LMAOOOO‼️ theyre hopin to uncover old human technology to make better Machines i Guess‼️‼️‼️ Hal & Sal are either gonna be Hologram AI’s that were created by a human scientist to watch over Alterna OR sea cucumbers. The Sea Cucumber Route would be where Hal was sent by the squid government™️ to look over the Discovery team (as usual). The hologram route is cooler but also i REALLY like the idea of David, just a regular octoling, falling inlove with Hal, a sea cucumber, a littler guy, a silly goofy, a teensy eepsy, etc. etc. THERES ALSO another version where Hal & Sal are the first android Idols created by Dr Chandra to develop a NEW kinda Funk And Groove or whatevas!!!! They’re both octoling-robots and im still figurin out their style of music but uh ya :]]]]]

THE STANLEY PARABLE

Mainly im just. Inlove with the idea of The Narrator being like a giant Zapfish (maybe THE Great Zapfish) and it all kinda goes to his head. He’s an Idol with his style of music being similar to that of Damp Socks (jazz but make the time signature insane). His producer is Employee 432/Settings Person whose either a jellyfish or sea cucumber (kinda leanin towards jellyfish since theyre the main ones behind the Idol’s development teams but we need more sea cucumbers imo <33 ). Stanley is an inkling who, in his youth, was a part of a professional turf war team. His main weapon was OBVIOUSLY the trislosher. As he got older he retired from turf wars and got just a regular ol office job- until he found himself stuck in recon. The Stanley Parable & Ultra Deluxe is basically The Narrator trying to figure out the perfect game mode & map just intime for the new splatfest while Stanley tries to escape this hell of a map. Im thinking of their backstory. Like maybe Stanley being a part of the Squidbeak Splatoon and the Narrator being the zapfish you save?? But idk if that’ll stick since ill either have to make them both children or Stanley/Agent Three would’ve applied as an adult.

RESIDENT EVIL

the one that makes me insane. Its sorta following an alternative path where Umbrella is a company that helps sponsor and host Turf Wars, and after Team Order wins the final Splatfest for Splatoon 2 Umbrella uses this as ignition to take over the Splatlands. So now we have a dystopian hella swag alterna-like city that’s closed off from the splatlands where shits just fucked. ANEYWAYS im still thinkin bout the idols but i moght be stupid and just makem the Weskers

PORTAL

This is Octo-Expansion but spicy. Gods the VIBES between Kamabo Co. & Aperture Science is SOOO 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞‼️‼️‼️‼️ ya same thing applies, GLaDOS is a giant AI whose blendin up fish people BUT THIS TIME her main goal isnt to goop up the world. Unlike Tartar she LOVES to just sit in her little autistic corner and torture people, so she mainly uses the goop from failed test subjects to go up to the surface and kidnap folks-one of them being an Octoling called Chell, who was on her way to the surface after hearing the Calamari Inkantation. Instead of the Squidbeak Splatoon & Off The Hook accompanying her, she has the help of the train conductor Wheatley (yes hes going to be a hermit crab.) & a trio of musicians who are trying to reach the surface as well. The band consists of Hook (Rick; a salmonling) Line (Fact Core; an octoling) & Sinker (Space Core; an inkling)! GLaDOS takes the form of a long robotic eel using material from the testing stations- her weakpoints in the final battle are actually those god forsaken green crates! Good luck with that buddy! Of course near the end Wheatley betrays you as usual, still workin on the kinks for the main storyline + cave johnson’s whole deal. Once you escape however Hook Line & Sinker will become the new idols for the Splatlands/Inkopolis! They become a fan favorites quickly, their choice of music being a mix of hyperpop & breakcore with an astronomy theme <333 ALSO the other cores are sanitized octolings/inklings/salmonlings that were dragged down into Aperture Labs

LITTLE NIGHTMARES

JIPPEEE!!! Here an inkling & octoling (Six & Mono) are lost in an underwater city after accidentally boarding the Deep Sea Metro. Its kind of a mix of Octo Expansion & Little Nightmares 2 where they both have to complete various challenges created by the two idols of the city- that being The Lady & Thin Man. Their style of music is similar to Deep Cut but im imagining more bass ??? Like?? Im thinkin of GHOST’s Solaria / Aura vibes, yakno??

ALSO I HAVE SPECIFIC TYPES OF MARINE ANIMALS FOR CERTAIN CHARACTERS JIPPEE!! :3

PORTAL

- Space Core; Caribbean Reef Squid

- Fact Core; Glowing Sucker Octopus

- Rick; Sockeye Salmon

- Chell; Firefly Squid

SPACE ODYSSEY

- Hal9000; either a Blanket Octopus or a Chromodoris Quadricolor Sea Slug

- Sal9000; either a Blanket Octopus or a Blue Velvet Sea Slug

RESIDENT EVIL

- Rebecca Chambers; either a Remora or Nurse Shark

- Billy Coen; Tiger Shark

- Jill Valentine; Color Tip Reef Anemone

- Albert & Alex Wesker; Collosal Squids

- Excella Gionne; Anguilla/European Eel

- Nicholai Ginovaef; Zebra Octopus

- Sherry Birkin; Dumbo Octopus :]

- Alcina Dimitrescu; Vampire Squid (duh)

- Karl Heisenberg; Dogfish

- Donna Beneviento; Bubbletip Anemone

- Angie Beneviento; clownfish HAH

- Mother Miranda & Eveline; Anglerfish

- The Bakers; Rainbow Trout

LITTLE NIGHTMARES

- Raincoat Girl, Six & The Lady; Magnapinna Squid

- Mono & The Thin Man; Blanket Octopus

- Runaway Kid; Blue Ringed Octopus

- The Pretender; Crown Jelly

- Flashlight Girl; Cookie Cutter Shark

- the whole ass baby; ze baby jelly

- The Crackheads; Goblin Shark. what else

- The Teacher; nurse shark

(still researchin different types of sea critters for this au!)

[deer-vision]

HELP ME OH MY GOD I WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY DRAFTS AND I FOUND THIS THING THAT I STARTED ON THE BUS RIDE HOME ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, FORGOT ABOUT AND NEVER FINISHED. I ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED SCHEDULE AND IM NOT DELETING THIS SO I MIGHT AS WELL POST IT NOW. MAYBE ILL COME BACK AND FINISH IT. LITERALLY HOOTING AND HOLLERING THIS IS SO FUNNY

…someone cooked here (southern accent)

You knelt there on the illusion of the floor in the dark abyss with half of your SOUL in hand, staring up at the fractured form of a man who no longer existed.

Two and a half years. You had spent two and a half years, looking for a way to bring him back when his very SOUL was shattered and scattered out across time and space after he fell into his own creation. As soon as he died, the timeline was reset. You woke up in your bed at the inn, mortified and distraught, unaware that he had suffered a fate *worse* than death. You ran to the Lab as fast as you could, hoping with every ounce of yourself that the RESET would have revived him- as it always would with anyone who was alive before the last save.

Since you arrived, there hadn’t been a second human who possessed the ability to SAVE and RESET- so the flow of the world was stable. The only time a RESET would naturally occur is if something happened that wasn’t supposed to happen. You two, for some reason, were the only ones that could remember. And as exhausting as it could be sometimes, you still had each other, so it wasn’t all that bad. That was something you learned when the Royal Scientist took you under his wing once he was made aware of your brilliance. You were human- yes, you stood in the way of the freedom monsterkind had been yearning for so long- but he worked out a deal with the King; you were to help with the research going towards breaking the barrier, and in return you wouldn’t get hunted by the Royal Guard. Over the course of several years, you worked for him. And to say he was a genius was an understatement. As cold and harsh as he was, he was good to you, and you both accomplished so much. Electricity was a longstanding issue for the Underground, until he came up with the concept of a machine that took geothermal energy from the magma in Hotland and turned it into reusable energy by having this whole cycle that wouldn’t deplete natural resources. It was a brilliant idea, and you helped with the design and the calculations.

It was amazing. It worked perfectly, and was a job very well done. That was until you were both standing there on one of the platforms, admiring it from up close. You were talking- you couldn’t remember what about- but the handrail he was leaning on backwards gave out, ultimately leading to him just barely hanging onto the edge of the platform while you tried to pull him up in a panic. You tried yelling out for help, but the loud whirr of the CORE yelled far louder than you. He was large and heavy, you weren’t able to hold onto him for much longer. Tears budded at the corners of your eyes as you held onto his arms with all your might, half your body hanging off the platform while you held onto him. You ignored him when he told you to let him go or else he’d pull you with him, but your heart sank when his arms slipped and you were now just holding onto his hands. You pleaded and begged him to hold on, refusing to let go of your boss and your best friend. With your upper body beginning to slip even more off the edge, he apologized and praised you for all your work, thanked you for your wonderful company during those past few years, and then let go of your hands.

might continue. idk this was a wd gaster tribute because i felt bad for the sad void goop man. also heavily inspired by “dr. gaster” by shadrow. love that song sm

[commander-gloryforge]

i came up with that pairing TODAY and im kind of obsessed with them so heres some thoughts from the blorbo server

(copy pasted messages under the cut)

elisa and demian. one a demon hunter that is actually trained and has been dealing with posession and all kinds of creatures for a questionably long time, takes her job seriously, sees killing demons as her number one priority in life. the other one is just kind of hanging out and just so happens to be thrown into some haunted ruins as a baby, has incredibly strong powers to find, fight and banish demons but is barely aware of them herself

vague ryan and shane dynamic

elisa is so fucking frustrated with demian all the time. what do you mean you do not care about the literal rip in the fabric of our realm in THE MIDDLE OF YOUR CLUBS DANCE FLOOR. someone suffered so much in this very spot that they tore themselves apart and turned inside out and unleashed thousands of years old demonic magic of a dead god, and all you care about is if your drinks sell well????

demian: man chill im mixing a new cocktail

elisa has been training to be a demon hunter for centuries a couple of years, and she's always been quite... solitary. for most of her life she had two companions: her moa and her strange shark. she's kind of an exemplary student, so highly skilled, knows so much about history of demons in tyria and beyond. and she's the kind of person to push away and ignore her emotions, because everyone knows that demons feedon emotions. she's proud of who she is and what she's accomplished in her life, even though she can't quite remember her life from before being part of the astral ward

demian is- well, she's a business woman. she is mysterious yet charismatic, she enjoys being around people but still prefers to be hidden in the shadows and watch from the outside. she sells, she trades, she scams, she isn't the most ethical person in lion's arch, but also not the most evil one. she's good at making money and using people to make more money. oh and also she just so happens to be fantastic demon hunter, kind of on accident.

demian is chill and doesnt care about anything other than her own well being and also money. demian is effortlessly powerful, demian doesn't need to force her emotions away because she just doesnt feel all that much in the first place, demian gets along with everyone and yet does not care if someone doesn't get along with her, demian is so damn charismatic and convinced of herself and naturally gifted without even trying

and its annoying

at least to elisa

whos nothing like demian

really. i promise. theyre not alike in any way.

elisa could never see herself in that annoying egotistical rat that cant shut up about money and being cool and jazz music or something, like never ever, shut up

oh no elisa! youre so composed and calm all the time and now youre starting to crack because of some sharkrat with goop coming out of her eyes! whatever shall we do! its almost as if demians speciality is bringing out negative emotions out of people!

its almost as if demian literally cannot help herself but make people feel miserable to profit off of them!

oh gee i sure hope this wont

cause any problems

[ziggizapz]

heres an au idea thats been sloshin around in my brain for a while, it called “i remember you” and its literally based on an idea i had at 3am when drawing darius and listening to i remember you from adventure time lol. in this au darius find out that hunter is a grimwalker when hunters only 8, and in a fit of concern and rage he confronts belos and asks him what the hell is going on. belos uses darius’ concern against him however and threatens to k word hunter if darius doesnt keep his mouth shut. to avoid conflict darius does so, but plans to run away with hunter the next night. belos however was fully aware that something like this might happen, so he puts a curse on darius while he sleeps, which makes it so that everytime he transforms into his goop form, it consumes more and more of his body. next day happens, hunter and darius run away but belos spots them, hunter gets his cheek scar during the ordeal, yada yada yada, all that stuff. all of the simon and marcy type stuff happens along the way, especially the cheers theme scene but its with darius fighting off coven guards who are looking for him instead of zombies lol. eventually darius and hunter stumble into eda, and they end up staying there, with eda helping darius with his curse. #curse buddies now omgg. anyways canon typical things ensue except hunter is on the luz’s side from the get go since theyre like roommates. most of hunters arc still happens with a DIFFERENT grimwalker clone but theres also some canon divergence bc theres TWO grimwalkers existing at the same time. its crazy, im excited to do more stuff for this au

[batz]

out of th blue badly written hc time WHATEVER

ok when coomer and bubby meet its thru just. being assigned as lab partners at work thats IT. coomer is aware that bubby is a creation of black mesa, he had to sign So much paperwork just because of that (which is why bubby is usually working by himself. a lot of ppl see the paperwork, the waivers, and often end up refusing to work with bubby bc of that. it actually caused a bunch of rumors to be spread of bubby setting ppl on fire or 'going feral' or whatever even tho thats not the case, its just a safety precaution black mesa takes in the case of that Possibly happening. in the case of bubby reverting, like his prototypes did. but i digress)

coomer is aware of bubby not entirely being human but is chill about it, treating him as human as he'd treat any other person. and they become friends (reluctant friends on bubbys side of things ofc).

and i just love the idea of like. despite them being decent friends, bubby is VERY secretive about like. his 'life outside work' (i.e. the shit black mesa puts him thru. th experiments th tube th Everything) just bc like. its just not coomers business. he doesnt wanna get looked at like hes a sad lil puppy, bc hes a fully grown man and also emotional stuff is just kinda. weird for him.

anyway i love the idea of after like 6 months of coomer n bubby being friends, bubby suddenly just. vanishes for a couple days. and hes like, Never been late for work.mainly bc he lives in the facility so its kind of impossible for him to be late. hes missed a few days (for unknown reasons) here and there, sure, but coomer often got some warning and a replacement partner for those days. but today it was just, radio silence. and so coomer, worried, goes looking for him.

asking around for bubbys whereabouts, and people giving vague answers like 'he was walking with a bunch of other scientists down the corridor' or 'i think he went through that door last time i saw him?' leads coomer to this large door in -insert whatever department Buby Creation™ would b a part of-. he opens the door and hes instantly greeted with a large room with a tube smack dab in the middle of it, bubby jus kinda floating in th tube.

bubby didn't really say anything to coomer about like. the tube specifically. bc it was honestly kind of embarassing. the Ultimate Being confined in a tube full of goop. y eah. so coomer sees bubby, looking hazey/drifting in and out of consciousness, a bunch of wires + oxygen mask n shit connected to him, floating in this large ominous tube??? yeah he immediately freaks out and tries to fuckn HELP him. bubby is trying to tell coomer hes OKAY but the speakers aren't on so he cant communicate clearly.

coomer is eventually dragged out by security, and bubby passes out (The Drugs Have Taken Effect!) and its just. a rough couple minutes. the scientists - bubbys handlers - explain to coomer whats up, that the tube is just how they do routine checkups, how there was a glitch in the system which is why coomer wasn't assigned a partner for that day. coomer is,somewhat calmed by this but is still generally offput by the whole situation. seeing your friend in such a state would disturb anyone.

the next day bubby kinda just sits down and tells coomer whats up, from HIS perspective ofc. talking abt the tubes, the experimentation, the 'checkups', etc etc. hes rlly casual and methodical in his explanation (albeit a bit embarassed bc Slight Vulnerability Bad), but despite how much he tries to downplay the situation, coomer just pulls him into a hug. n bubby is just kinda frozen bc hes. pretty sure this is the first time hes been like. properly hugged. and its just incredibly weird for him. he eventually just hugs back. awkward back pats nd all fhsjhd

coomer is probably a bit softer around bubby after that. not in a patronizing way or anything, like hes still coomer, and if something calls for spontaneous boxing then he WILL rough house !!! but more like. when bubbys gone for a couple days for those 'checkups' and comes back sort of hazey and 'not completely there', coomers just a lot more accommodating n like, quiet n keeps his space if bubby needs it. or is there for those good coomer brand hugs™!!!! and im just dhdkddhdjdjdjdjddndsjsjsnsnsns

[spikedru]

Idk how far you are into True Blood and if you feel you can answer this yet, but is True Blood worth watching? I'm a pretty big vampire fan but it also seems like adult Twilight (I'm not a Twilight fan). So what do you like about it if you do and/or what don't you like about it?

i dont think its very much like twilight? im not the best judge bc i was an extremely anti-twilight tween and avoided that shit like the plague so i dont rly know much abt twilight. i guess the most basic comparison would be they are both vampire romance and a lot of the tropes of that genre are present. also i guess love triangle stuff comes later but its just beginning to show at the point im at

i am currently almost done with season 2 of true blood and ive been really enjoying it! there is some wild ass shit that happens but honestly its been a fun ride so i dont mind it!

i really enjoy the characters the most i think. everyone has very distinct personalities which makes it very enjoyable for me to see how everyone interacts with each other. i love sookie, i think shes adorable and feisty and good hearted. shes telepathic and i think its interesting learning how she deals with that and how it effects her relationships with pretty much everyone she knows. i love lafayette, eric, pam, tara, jessica... even the more minor characters, characters that arent meant to be likable are still interesting bc they have some depth. bill is basically angel btvs like there is no way they didnt use angel as a template for this guy

i like the vampire lore in the show too its fun... i love that the vamps cry blood bc they dont got any other fluids in their body... i love that they explode into goop and viscera when theyre staked... i only wish they had more of a vamp face bc the only change is that they can retract their fangs... i just wish there was a lil more... make em creepier... i also think the sire/progeny stuff is very interesting but that shit always grabs my attention i like vamp family dynamics hehe

i think the whole vampire rights thing in the show being a thinly veiled metaphor for lgbt rights is corny and a lil cringe (the world being made aware of vamps was called "coming out of the coffin" which jus sounds a lil silly) so i kinda roll my eyes at that part

all in all ive been having fun with it! the main thing w twilight to me is that everything about it looks sooooo lifeless but i dont feel that with true blood. i think the characters are interesting and dynamic, the mythology of the show intrigues me, and i like watching vampire family power dynamics. id say its worth trying! while i do love buffy to death a lot of it takes place in high school so it was refreshing to watch a vampire show where everyone starts out at least 25 years old lmao so that was also a plus

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

March Ado About Nothing

Series Summary - A series of one-shots and  drabbles written based off of prompts posted in the TSS Fanworks Collective server. The goal is to take traditional whump prompts and fill them in the least-angsty way possible every day through March.

A note that though some of these fills are written bait and switch style (written in a way you think is going in one direction but reveals it to be the opposite towards the end) they are all written in a fluffy or silly style with very little, if any at all, actual angst.

Day 2: Stuff Your Secrets

Summary: Stuffed animals are good and normal to have no matter what age you are- except for Remus. Logan quickly fixes that line of thinking.

Prompts: "Please, no more!, Extreme Weather, *Dirty Secret*      

Ships: platonic intrulogical (Logan & Remus)

Warnings: mild angst, guilt for having stuffed animals. Let me know if there are!

General taglist (ask to be added or removed): @/janus-is-an-adorable-snek-boi  @/im-an-anxious-wreck  (in an effort to not flood your inboxes I’m only tagging in the first part ^-^)

WC: 1235

Stuffed animals, with all their innocence and connection to childlike wonder and imagination, weren’t usually something that was defined as a dirty secret someone would desperately try to hide away at all costs. Having stuffed animals was normal and useful to mental health: they were soft and plushy and you could cuddle them for comfort, they were amazing to grip onto when one was sick or in pain and, if you didn’t want to feel odd talking to yourself to work out one idea or other, you could always prop them up as a makeshift audience to listen to you infodump for hours and they would never get annoyed!

So no, stuffed animals themselves weren’t the problem, nor was having them as a fully grown and “mature” adult. The problem came because the owner was Remus, and Remus had come to learn that if he had something it was automatically thought to be something gross or dangerous or disturbing- especially if that’s not what it looked lille from the outside. He was the one that would play stupid pranks of showing someone something rather cute but have it open its mouth to reveal several jaws and a tentacle, or give someone a teddy bear the melted into foul smelling ooze when they held it. Do this enough times and be repressed for a decade or two to boot and you have a reputation that- while fair in its own right if he really thought about it- make having things that were actually innocent in nature a bit problematic if he didn’t want to be scrutinized within an inch of his life.

And so, his dirty secret remained hidden even from Janus, who Remus knew would never make fun of him or judge him for something so trivial but years of hiding made him skittish anyway. The irony of intrusive thoughts hiding something definitely wasn’t lost on him but he only shook the thought away as he continued shoving his well worn friends into a drawer in the closet while shooting a look at the clock. Logan would be coming in any minute now to help him organize a few of his projects that still needed fine tuning if he was going to show his brother any time soon; even though their relationship was still a little rocky...especially after knocking him out for an entire episode and some hateful words were said by the lighter side, they had both scraped up enough indignant reluctance to apologize and begin working together- however tentatively- on a couple different things to test the waters. And Remus wasn’t worried about it all! A second opinion from someone as observant and down to earth as Logan was never hurt was all.

He had just finished shoving everything closed and willing the closet to stay shut when there was a knock at the door. Grinning wide he sank in directly behind the logical side and opened the door from behind, making the other stiffen and then roll his eyes at Remus before walking into the room, immediately going for the desk and paying no attention to the slightly disappointed pout Remus was sporting over not getting a bigger reaction. He knew Logan was just as dramatic as any other side, he just had to find a sweet spot- maybe he’d steal his jam at some point. Appearing on top of the desk he gestured to a few notebooks strewn around.

“It’s a lot so buckle in! I haven’t had an outlet for my ideas in years!”

Logan peered at him from over his glasses. “So long as nothing is explicitly pornographic or sadistic in nature I’m willing to bet most of these will be harmless enough to include somewhere in future projects.” Screwing his mouth to the side Remus simply bounced in place, never having been able to sit still for very long especially when things were quiet. Thankfully Logan didn’t seem to mind, simply skimming through various sketchbooks and notebooks and placing flashcards to mark certain spots for whatever it was he was looking for. He jolted in surprise as something cold and gooey was pressed into his hands, looking up as Logan took his hand away and resumed his task.

“To fidget with if you like, I know sitting quietly can’t be easy but I appreciate your patience.”

Blinking in surprise Remus began idly stretching the goop around, the bright green slime enveloping his hand and sticking in a way that was oddly very pleasing as a tactile stim. He’d have to make more of this at some point and see if he could bathe in it; surely Roman wouldn’t mind one of their lakes turned into slime as long as it was for creativity's sake. He was so engrossed in the wonderful new thing he held in his hands that he didn’t hear the closet food creaking until it was too late, the overstuffed doors bursting open and spilling various items out onto the floor, multiple phallic shapes and odd body pillows were the least of his worries as he watched all of the stuffed animals he had shoved away spill out into the open in all their cute, fluffy glory. His chest constricted painfully as he shot a panicked look to Logan who was regarding the plushies waily as if they would come to life and maul him at any moment- which, while as in character as that might be- for some reason he couldn’t bear the thought of them being perceived that way.

“They’re safe I swear! Just stuffed animals I uh- there’s nothing- I just like-” His throat refused to cooperate and he was left gaping stupidly as Logan set the notebook down and stood up. “No, please!”

Remus reached out for Logan, knowing what he was pleading with him for but suddenly very aware of his racing thoughts telling him to make sure he wouldn’t get into trouble- what if he told Patton, or took them away because he wasn’t meant to have them? Or-

“I’ll be right back Remus. I promise, I’m just going to get mine.”

His? He was gone before Remus could question it as he ripped and pulled and mashed the goop in his hands nervously, wishing the other had left him with more of an explanation. He didn’t have long to wait however as Logan came back in with an armload of...something that was prompt laid on his bed. As he came closer he realized they were stuffed animals- Logan’s he guessed from the teddy bear adorned with a tie and a snail with a lab coat. But there was also a well worn fluffy purple dog, a calico cat with galaxy print for spots and a stegosaurus with a rainbow scale print on it. He looked back to Logan who smiled warmly.

“You don’t have to keep them a secret, Remus, at least not for me. I’d be a hypocrite to judge you and I’m very willing to bet the other’s would be as well.”

“Bet you my bug collection!” Remus shouted before he could think. Logan pulled a face. “I’m not trading you again- last time you didn’t say they spit acid and my desk was ruined.”

Cackling he twitched a finger and the toys were back on his bed where they belonged, though he did sneak a small squid plush in with Logan’s- as thanks.

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[al-fraid0]

Eyeless Jack Headcanons

Still trying to figure out how I exactly want to do these. After each headcanon im gonna put a drabble of explanation. Warning this is gonna be long af.

When Jack was human his name was “Jack Novak”

In the origin story (which I think most people see as ‘cannon’) the cult that yoinks Jack’s eyes praised Chernobog which is a Slavic god. The reason I live the idea of his second name being “Novak” is because when most of Europe got Christianised, Chernobog and Belebog got pushed to the wayside, and people who reverted to Christianity would sometimes change their second name to Novak. 

I like to think one of Jacks ancestors did this, I just think its rather symbolic? The whole Christianity wiped out original Slavic beliefs and the cult gets wiped out by a guy who’s second name is related to casting aside Chernobog.

Jack Novak's parents are Slavic immigrants

I just really like the idea that was chosen by the cult for a reason, that reason being that he most likely had roots to the original followers of Chernobog. He knew a little about Chernobog and Belebog from his Grandma but most of what's known has been lost to time so he didn’t know much.

I also just really like the idea of him being bilingual and being able to speak Ukrainian or Polish for some reason. 

Eyeless Jack isn’t Chernobog or Jack Novak 

Eyeless Jack is an amalgamation of them. 

I imagine the cult tried to summon something Chernobog related that would take over Jack completely but they messed up the ritual somehow so It kinda fused with jack consciousness instead. The cultist being killed afterwards was a mixture of Jacks anger of betrayal and Chernobogs(?) viciousness.

At first, they were almost two people trying to fight for control over one body but over time they’ve kinda just melted away to Eyeless Jack who is both of them and neither of them at the same time.

He does however sometimes ’hear’ Jack and Chernobog shouting and arguing. This leads him to have breakdowns sometimes. 

Eyeless Jack has a really good memory

Before the cult incident (and a little while after it) his memory is fuzzy and feels like he is experiencing someone else's memories, almost he's remembering a tv show instead of an experience.

However, now he has a memory that's borderline eidetic, it’s helped significantly with stalking prey as he will remember their routines and knows how to safely perform medical procedures. The issues come with unsterilised impromptu operation rooms and lack of proper equipment. 

The black stuff that comes out of his eyes helps him operate

The stuff has the consistency of golden syrup, it will get stuck to literally everything. 

When it makes contact with a humans skin it will act as an anaesthetic as well as a pain killer. It will also blind you if you get that shit anywhere near your eyes.

When he chooses a victim he’ll wait for them to fall asleep then wipe some of his eye goop on their skin, so the anaesthetic kicks in then wipes more on where he's gonna operate as to numb where he’s gonna operate.  

 He can see *technically*

His eyes are fucked, he has complete peripheral vision loss and only light perception in the centre of his vision however due to his ‘demonic’ influences he can basically feel everything in a certain area when he focuses. 

Our eyes are catching the light which has different wavelengths, these wavelengths can be absorbed with what's not absorbed is reflected than absorbed by our eyes then processed by our brain. When focusing in an area he can feel the vibrations of heat (or lack there off), echoing sound and these wavelengths. Kinda like an extreme Daredevil. 

He cant see colour but he can sorta feel it? This also helps with him operations due to his *vision* is absolute and can see things that others can’t. 

Eyeless Jack is a lone wolf

I imagine that the pastas that hang around Slender were made by him in some way (Sally, Jeff, Toby, Masky, Hoodie, Skully(?), etc) but Eyeless Jack was created through a ritual that’s related to Chernobog, not Slendy.

I like to think that there is a realm that Slenders ilk resides and Eyeless Jack basically just camps out on the edges of that realm where it overlaps with ours slightly. He does sometimes bump into other pastas but he usually avoids them if he can. After Jacks, last friend/crush tried to Kill Them, he is very anti-social. 

The place that he lives in is an old hunting shack that was abandoned so its a tad rotten, the woods are affected by the realm so there is almost always a thin layer of fog minimum and It’s very labyrinth-like and you can get lost in this limbo part very easily and die from exposure. The local find and rescue authority is aware of the fuckery of the woods. 

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

im supposed to be working on uh literally anything else but instead i gotta get this outta my brain

tl;dr: slag is causing the Psychos to spread across the galaxy bc the Calypsos are using it to both brainwash their cultists and give them ‘special powers’. i mean, its not just slag, it’s eridian ruins/tech, too, but the Twins are utilizing slag the most. which explains the slagfalls and also the processed eridium everywhere still. im hoping sirens will help us cure this- starting with Krieg because slag/Psychos have some sort of connection to the other dimension, just like Sirens, but more messy. also this insanity from the slag/Psycho-ness is literally Mayhem and us fans are taking part in it- we’re the cult irl. plus, this game is gonna be about love and the relationships we have with the people we care about and that’s all the roses mean because i’m feeling s o f t tonight. tomorning. whatever maaaaan

“… among their fractured ramblings, it is tempting to try and find a deeper meaning…”

“[their madness] defies attempts at explanation or containment. from an isolated region of a single planet, to a nearby moon, to systems throughout every human colony, madness is catching…”

you can’t tell me this isn’t just BEGGING for us to figure it out

so, for my own sake:

i have a theory.

i kinda sorta hinted at this with my destroyer theory but i REALLY wanna go all out in this because i think this is actually something to think about… mostly because ive seen A Scene… and i wants to talk about it, vh. i wants it

now im gonna `lol` ignore everything about my lost legion eternal theory and start entirely from scratch. it’s also 1am here for my apologies if this comes across as incoherent because wow i should be asleep but fuck it i got research to do

so it all starts with psychos. i mean i guess it does. it’s gotta right? i brought in pictures it must

anyway

the guide admits that the first psychos came from Dahl’s prison colonies

the ones abandoned on pandora, now ive kinda talked about this b4 but imma talk about it again bc uhhh fuck it? why not.

so we know a lot of the bandits left on Pandora mutated because of the eridian ruins/the key. this is referenced mostly in sledge’s mine

its like world-wise called headstone mine but i never remember that. SLEDGE’S MINE

notice that line “most went crazy and many were physically mutated as well”

so i think it’s safe to say whatever they found in there started causing psychos to appear on pandora

im saying that i think eridians are the cause of Psychos across the galaxy

i have a lot more proof for this so please sit back and enjoy the ride because i think its really really cool

so lets look at hector’s logs from the newest dlc

“one of my boys found a shiny alien trinket”

“a few boys went rabid already, had to put them down”

now idk if there’s a connection here, but it’s interesting that both times, people who found these eridian artifacts started going crazy soon after

shit i mean even tannis begins to go off the wall after her and her dig team start investigating the eridian sites. although if that is because of the horrific incidents that befell her and her team or the ruins idk for certain. i’d bet its the shitty incidents tho

there’s more to this, hang on…

alright, so, lab rats? they’re pretty cool right?

we all like lab rats! personally, chase is my favorite, but adam is hilarious. that final season, huh? pretty wicked… wasn’t really a fan of the island setting but you know what, to each their own. it’s cool they actually progressed the show instead of staying stagnant. that got my respect even if it moved in a direction that wasn’t my cup of tea.

anyway Q U O T E S:

“Hyperion opened my eyes. i didn’t want it!”

“needles in my eyes!”

“don’t you look at me!”

“i can see! i don’t want to see!”

so there’s obviously something ~fucky~ going on with the lab rats and whatever it is they can see from the hyperion experimentation. we know hyperion had a hard-on for slag experimentation and you know i wouldn’t even be shocked if they were injecting these rats’ eyes with slag.

the best part is their reactions when they’re phaselocked. Unlike most enemies, the lab rats will only react to maya’s action skill, and none of the other VHs.

vs something like a marauder:

who has all these voice lines for Zer0, Axton, Sal (merc), AND Maya

the lab rats will only ever respond to being phaselocked.

and what do they say?

“i see the universe!”

“i see infinity!”

“it’s beautiful!”

 (now weirdly enough i was told on the tv tropes for bl2 that the lab rats will say “I see it more!” when phaselocked by maya, but i couldn’t find a source for that. couldn’t even find it in the files i extracted from the game. i checked an online video just to double check because you know, my extraction could’ve been off, but it wasn’t there, either. even phaselocked one a bunch as maya and i couldn’t get it to proc. so, idk where that info came from, if someone could give a source/proof that would be awesomesauce.)

sooo what do other enemies say when phaselocked? usually… they just see blue. so nothing quite as interesting as infinity.

so wtf is up here? 

im thinking the experiments hyperion performed on the lab rats are letting them see the dimension maya locks them in. i mean, tbh, i think they can see into that dimension whenever they open their eyes, but maybe maya’s phaselock makes sense of it for them. because they seem to be in indescribable agony outside of it

but the lab rats aren’t the only enemies that only react to being phaselocked

turns out the psychos only react to phaselocking, too

they also have some fun lines:

“I can see forever!”

“I’m home!”

“I’m inside… I’M INSIDE ME!”

with some other nonsense thrown in for fun

so idk, just taking a look at this, it’s clear the psychos and lab rats are seeing something that the other bandits just aren’t seeing. most reactions are demands to be released or that they’re flying, or just straight up confusion as to what’s happening.

is that the side effect of their exposure to slag/eridian tech? yeah, imma bet on it. their mind machines probably broke because they saw something they weren’t supposed to (possibly into the other dimension. the one maya phaselocks them in) without proper ‘protection’ and thus went batshit. like maybe sirens are protected from the craziness of the other dimension because they’re ‘chosen’ or whatever. iunno.

i do think it’s most interesting that the psychos seem familiar with whatever they’re seeing, calling it ‘home’ and well… themselves. 

so why in the fuck am i talking about all this? because i think it ties straight into bl3.

let’s bring back lab rats and their experiments

you know how hyperion was supposedly injecting their eyes with slag? and it caused them to shoot those weird blue lasers out?

what happens to the destroyer’s eye in tps?

yeah we inject this bad boy with slag

“i only juice the eye with a little bit of slag at a time”

which ends up causing a singularity around the eye the second time you do it

“if this slag stuff is powering the laser, we need to force as much of it as we can back into the eye. the increased power will trip a failsafe and let us shut everything down”

oh, increased power? you mean like how Sirens get increased power from absorbing eridium? that kind of increased power?

we know in bl1 the Destroyer seemed to have something like slag in it- those glowing pockets on the tentacles that explode into purple goo

even its attacks are like purple liquid. which, you know… would be quite similar to slag (tho tbf, these attacks actually hurt instead of applying the debuff)

and boy does the destroyer not like it

“warning. space-time instability detected.” after injecting the eye with too much slag. but… why? it got too powerful? are its powers directly connected to the other dimension and by increasing it’s strength a bunch we created some sorta link between our dimension and the other one? 

i mean given the other dimension allows for teleportation and shit, im not surprised there’s a space-time instability!

i mean we’ve all seen it do the eye laser thing, and the tentacles, and the purple goop. but causing space-time instabilities… that’s new isn’t it? kinda like how Sirens get new powers after they absorb a bunch of eridium???

so i wanna take a guess as to what the destroyer is

we know its ‘immortal in its own realm’ but when it’s taken an actual body that we can kill it, so odds are, it never actually died in bl1 OR tps. i imagine the Destroyer we see in bl1 is just a small fragment of it, and that it’s consciousness can be spread out across hosts. *EDIT: actually the lovely @automata-systemata-hydromata reminded me that you can find the destroyers brain in Helios. The other stuff I left in should be fine tho I thiiiink (thank you!).

and that, y’know, is cool and all, but what IS it??

Jack uses slag to give it a power boost, but it doesn’t seem to be happy about it when it happens. in fact, it even seems scared.

to be honest, all we know is that the eridians locked it away for some reason

idk im just spitballing here, but what if the Eridians were the creators of the destroyer? not intentionally, or maybe it was the result of one hell of a slag experiment/exposure to the other dimension/eridian tech, but we’ve seen what slag/exposure to eridian stuff does to humans… makes them go crazy, makes them start mutating. i mean, look at badass psychos. look at goliaths.

i mean shit even think about bloodwing. she goes wild, attacking the VHs and not listening to mordecai’s instructions despite their bond

she grows to a huge size and gains a whole shitload of new powers she didn’t have before. including fucking fire breath (which we’ve seen in burning psychos)

you know these dudes

i go into all this eridium/slag mutation stuff in SO much more detail in this post here, so if you’re interested in mutations, read this!

so what if the destroyer is just one HELL of a mutated eridian/alien and it plus all the eridium was locked away forever in the other dimension to keep this from ever happening again? because god, i wouldn’t want that to ever happen again, either, and i guess locking away the eridium (you know the stuff used in all these hyperion experiments) would be their best bet at ensuring it. also maybe just… locking away anything with eridium for that long probably isn’t the best idea… maybe that’s why it’s all tentacles and death. maybe they just locked someone away in a Vault as a prison and then leaving them with all that eridium caused them to mutate wildly out of control. kinda like the FEV. 

i mean we know ‘slagged psychos’ look like this 

i wouldn’t be surprised if we gave them enough slag/time they’d end up mutating even worse. and the destroyer was left in the vault for hundreds of years.

so wtf is the connection here with Sirens? there’s gotta be one, right??? is slag experimentation the first rung on the ladder of volatile science to achieving siren-hood? like you’d have slag/eridium experiments/mutations -> the lost legion eternal -> actual Sirens. maybe if sirens take in too much eridium they become something like the destroyer. now that’s fucked up to think about.

maybe it’s better the twins took lilith’s powers away from her…

oh, speaking of mutations and burning psychos and hyperion experiments, you know what we haven’t talked about yet?

Krieg. 

let’s talk a whole lot about Krieg, because he is super important

krieg is important for a lot of reasons.

u know what his teaser trailer was named?

yeah i don’t think that’s coincidence one bit

ahhh Mayhem.

“deep beneath pandora, an experiment has escaped”

we know krieg is a hyperion test subject, dr samuels confirms this (and apparently contracts insanity as well at the end of the Crawmerax DLC)

also we know some other tests going on at the WEP from the quest Doctor’s Orders:

“this vault key didn’t make eridium come outta the ground for nothing, right?”

and there’s this one very very very interesting line by Tannis at the end of the quest:

“the spread of slag poisoning” yeah call it that DUMB name tannis, im gonna call it what all the kool kids are calling it: ~Mayhem~

so… Krieg.

what’s so special about him?

well… he gives us insight into what the hell is actually going on inside the heads of some psychos.

so idk about you guys but i always took this as a poke at Maya and Krieg, but i realize now that this is talking literally just about Krieg. it’s about his body holding both sides of himself.

krieg does appear to be like lucid behind the psycho controlling his body, which, idk about you guys, but for me that plants some pretty horrible mental images of all the psychos in-game who probably have similarly exasperated people behind them who are getting murdered because they can’t control themselves anymore.

and idk i wrote this whole post about how maybe the slag experimentation is turning people into hosts for the destroyer’s consciousness and that could explain all the wacked up psychos and shit. but tbh im not gonna talk about that today

just about slag experimentation/eridium exposure. we know what it ACTUALLY does and that’s mutate the hell out of things and cause insanity.

Krieg is like… the poster child for slag experimentation/eridium exposure

soooo why does slag experimentation make people go insane? could be any number of reasons, but tbh i would bet it has to do with that other dimension somehow. because eridium isn’t a normal ‘our dimension’ element. it came out of a vault. from a different dimension. and who knows the long-term effects of that shit.

i personally had a theory that the 4th dimension had something to do with time and that only Sirens are able to harness this power, but then i have no idea how to explain angel and amara’s powers through that lense, so eh. fuck it. just seeing an upper dimension would make you go crazy anyway, so let’s not bring any time shit into this because that’s just asking for trouble. 

either way

i think that sirens are able to make sense of that other dimension. they have some sort of command of it/some sort of tie to it that allows them to not go crazy the instant they interact with it, unlike psychos. unlike lab rats. unlike Krieg. it’s like… eridium is our window into this other dimension or some shit and Sirens are (literally) able to process it, while it just fucks over anyone else who tries to interact. ~kachow i just introduced parallels~

and tbh i think we’re going to use Sirens to help cure this plague of insanity going around the universe. probably starting with Krieg. i mean, the only time he’s able to get even an iota of control is when he sees Maya. “Turn around pretty lady!!” like… that’s HUGE for him. and Maya’s a Siren. im not saying the power of love isn’t strong… but maybe the power of Sirens is stronger. i’d love if tannis helped us out with that. maya, too, if she really did learn more about sirens on athenas. 

this all ties into borderlands 3 for 2 reasons:

1. Mayhem being both the tagline for this game and Krieg the Psycho’s DLC pack is not a coincidence

2. The calypso twins are going to be using slag to both brainwash people into becoming cultists and give them special powers

`breaks fingers` this is the real meat of this theory, all that other stuff was just getting you READY for this

let’s put the Mayhem stuff off to the side for a second and just focus on the Calypso twins.

We know they’re promising their cultists special powers and free brainwashes (lol)

we’ve seen that one concept art from the museum of mayhem with the giant slag pool

we know enemies are STILL dropping refined Eridium even though it seems like all manufacturers have stopped creating slag weaponry

and we’ve seen the slag falls in a bl3 promo material already

oh yes

okay so i said right at the very beginning of this document that i’ve seen A Scene that i wanna talk about and oh baby this is it

This Scene right here

look in the very back there

look familiar???

~it shooouuuuullld~

yeah this is it!!!

so what i think is going down: anyone who’s not already insane is sorta ‘baptized’ as their entrance into this cult in the big ol slagfall. maybe the twins have a way to induce slagged cultists so they can have elemental affinities. not sure about that.

regardless

the twins are using slag to drive people insane (turning them into psychos) as a form of brainwashing to force people to join their cult.

so that’s the special powers and the free brainwashing and the slagfalls down.

let’s talk about why exactly we’re seeing enemies drop bars of refined eridium even though hyperion stopped making them. because the twins are making it!! it makes sense why there’s no slag guns still, even if it still exists in-universe: of course no manufacturer is going to contact an insane bandit cult just to get their hands on slag for their guns. 

there was a 7 year dry spell of eridium production so there was no slag to go around, so companies started phasing it out of their guns and replacing it with nuclear. 

but the twins have recently started production again. they’re obviously not using it in their guns, or selling it to other manufacturers. so wtf are they using it for? it’s gotta be important, it’s holy holy holy.

special powers and brainwashing!

and the refined eridium is back in circulation, so enemies are still dropping it. see? solution acquired.

as for psycho-ness spreading across the universe? it makes sense. not only are the twins using their slag to brainwash people and turn them into psycho cultists, but people are also being mutated by the eridian ruins/vault keys/vaults on the other planets and being driven insane. This craziness is quite literally Mayhem.

Mayhem is coming, indeed! 

now let us talk about what the fucccck gearbox is doing with all that Mayhem stuff in the trailers and shit.

sooo WE are the cult surrounding this game. as the fan base. 

do u think it was coincidence that they made ‘ECHOnet’ Streamers the leaders of their big bad cult and then also immediately introduced, in real life, the Twitch ECHOcast extension and invited a bunch of streamers to play their demo? they knew exactly what they were doing. Giving away a free cultist psycho mask to everyone who preorders a console copy of the game? that’s intentional. everyone who preorders the game gets a ‘gold weapon skin pack’? yeah! you know what gold weapons represent in-universe? higher standing in the cult!! gearbox is making commentary on how we are all just like the cultists!

AND THEY ARE TOTALLY RIGHT

all the trailers having something to do with Mayhem? ‘Mask of Mayhem’ ‘Mural of Mayhem’ ‘We are Mayhem’ ‘Mayhem is coming’. We’re all insane cultists because we’re all absolutely fucking rabid for this game and they KNOW IT.

…

oh also we’re all in love with each other lmao. 

in all seriousness, i think the game is going to focus a lot on the relationships we have with the people we care about- our found family, our romantic interests, our friendships- and that’s being expressed through the roses. 

i think that’s why all the characters are shown in the roses on the cover art. why the roses are so prominent in the So Happy Together trailer. why Zane is sitting at a bar with a rose between himself and his clone (as a joke, but still, it’s the intent). 

red roses are, like, the most obvious way to show your affection to someone. and we know the bl3 Vault Hunters are going to find family in each other in this game. that we’re going to watch the calypso twins’ relationship become warped as the game goes on. hell, we’re probably even going to have a whole plot about tina and mordy (and talon) and brick being a small family together, and maya and ava being one as well. plus ellie and vaughn have gotten together since commander lilith. shit, guys, even claptrap is building himself a girlfriend.

this game’s about love, guys.

anyway i have been working on this since 1:30am. it’s currently 6:06am. i am very tired and very wired and those never mesh well. im gonna go eat some motherfuckin pizza.

edit: i missed the obvious connection the first time around: of course we’re going to cure Krieg, he loves Maya. and this game is all about love.

that and/or one or both of them die and gearbox hurts us right in the softest parts of our hearts.

edit 2: also yeah at some point in the near future im writing that Hyperion-Twins theory because as much as i love Atlas, i have ~seen some things~

[iamforevercaptured]

Horrificater s1e11

okokokokok i am back on my shit and doing my rants bc i wanna do season 3 rants and my brain won’t let me until i finish the s1&2 rants and just go with me on this please xD

aww look at my cuties acting! Mylene is adorable.

how much makeup does the boy need wow

omg SALTY MARI

SMELLY CAT SMELLY CAT don’t tell me you didn’t think that first too...

damn chloe lay off

ivan sweetie you so sweet on her omg --wait did he say BOZOS??

i jus...i have questions gabriel seriously....

nino is such a bossy directer omg

SALTY MARI IS THE BEST

i love alya in this omg

NINO IS A ROMANTIC and alya is having NONE OF THAT

why you steal our sunshine boy’s juice chloe jus why 

oooooohhhh im getting early alyanino vibes cute

damn chloe

she a sweet child and now she a goopy monster -who still cute- (honestly i really like the design for her akumatization)

DONT TOUCH THE GOOP MARINETTEEEE

how does alya not see the goop? question the goop? like hunny youre a reporter...

poor adrien is like please no

DIRECTOR NINO 

no seriously, why all the makeup? you dont see her doing that for any of the girls??

PREACH ALYA

SALTY MARI YES OMG

(im sorry totally spoiler here but where was this Mari in reflectadoll?)

Alya youre making me cringe please stop

1 pt to chloe for slight self awareness moment

~horror movie moment~ it begins

he so soft for her omg and the parralells with chloe wow

wow she cant “act” but i feel like i knew this...

HE WAS SO MUCH MORE INTO THAT KISS DO NOT TELL ME OTHERWISE BUHAHAHaha

CHLOE PLEASE LIKE 5 MORE MINUTES

director nino baby lol

*whispers* nepotism

CHEESY HORROR MOVIE ASTHETICCCCC yesssss

can i just say that nathaniel’s reaction is gorgeous omg so theaterical and i honestly forgot he was there up until now im sorry little tomato child

NINO DUDE YOUR FRIENDS

science brain has questions about this goo and i just 

DUNDUNDUNNNNN

love jeluka’s reaction my girl yes i bet she loves scary movies

(science brain wants toooo knowwwwwwwww)

Nino knows whats happening and just doesnt care bc

*whispers* power couple power couple power couple #alyanino

sexy chat & nino fangirling = WONDERFUL

you cant tell me she isnt happy to see him omg that smile! power couple power couple power couple #ladynoir

Nino has one priority and its his movie lol

~HORROR MOVIE STUPIDITY~ wonderful 0u0

i fudgin love chat

i wanna know how that thing fit under that desk like just I HAVE QUESTIONS ASTRUC. QUESTIONS!!!

jeluka is me in this ep omg

DID HE JUS HEWWO???

i love that LB eye shot wow yesss

I NEED A GIF OF CHAT TRYING TO GET FREE OF THE SLIME OMG IM DYING

*licks you* *steals your friend* *runs away* who is she?

“by defeating fear, we defeat it” 

okay but why does no one question that LB knows mylene’s name--wait orgins duh.

chloe for gods sake

HEADCANNON THAT ADRIEN DOES THAT TO NINO ALOT AND DID THIS ON INSTINCT

is she painting her nails in an egg thing?? iconic

dont you jus love he asks about her??? AWWWWWW and her soft look omg

bless chat also can we jus appreciate that the cage was his idea and his idea alone? my boy 

jeluka: uh this is a box???

again why is no one questioning that she jus knew to sing mylene’s song?

fudging bless chat and his drums

that little look nino gives alya 

look at the little baby awww

~pound itttt~

she so tired of Nino lol

not the ending we expected but its the ending we deserved

i too am outraged nino, i too lol

okay guys another one down! unfortunately i dont have foster kittens currently. Tof and Macci got adopted out (together!!!) and i moved since i last posted these. I do have my pup sleeping on my bed (with her little carrot toy, yes its very cute considering how shes a giant puppy) and my cat is sleeping at my feet currently, but no kitten shenanagins to accompany me. 

As for the ep, i really like this ep. It is jus cute and jeluka’s reaction to “fear” in this ep is deeply relatable to me bc i too laugh in the face of such danger. like i have scarier things to worry about that some akuma monster. Also it was nice to see mylene’s reaction to fear in comparison. 

Also Astruc, i need more info on the smelly wolf song and the goo, like share your secrets please.

[patchdotexe]

really, really long rambling

i forgot how i got onto this tangent but on the car ride home i ended up thinking about Speed The Collapse, or. actually that’s just the first fic in it, i dont think the setting has an overall name. uhhh. WELL it’s the yogscast fic/RP setting i started years ago and evolved into atomiclalna/getfluxd/wellcatchyou. and it evolved into being pretty weird and im thinking about it again so here’s an explanation of all the characters while i think abt writing more STC

(some of this is specifically rp-verse that later got welded into fic canon, to make things extra confusing. especially with Atomic and Digger. fantastic)

Lalna “Lal/Atomic” Coffee is the “main” Lalna. he’s an AU of Flux Buddies that got... really convoluted bc of him originally having a bunch of different rp verses and then i accidentally slammed them together and had to try and reconcile em. he’s an omnidisciplinary scientist but mainly likes rockets, nukes, and blowing things up. and reckless use of thaumcraft, obvs.

he got de-Fluxed in one rpverse with the help of Circuit (a friend’s OC), and then when the verse-fusion happened it got kind of weird because Nano (who also got de-Fluxed in the same rp) stayed Fluxed but Atomic didn’t, so he’s just... kinda weird. but with the like, non-rp verse, i think it ended up being that he just burned all the surface-level Flux off but Nano had progressed so much that it probably would’ve killed xem to do the same, and then once the whole like.. dark realm stuff happened, his Flux resurfaced like how Nano’s got worse. I DUNNO i kinda started writing him before i was even caught up on flux buddies prime while 2.0 was over halfway through so :,)

either way he ended up with intense scarring on his face & hands, on top of miscellaneous scars he had from various near-death experiences, and it kind of became his “identifying feature” both in-universe and out. he’s also a cyborg just to keep himself alive because he’s Very aware that he doesn’t have respawn (unlike pretty much everybody else) and with how reckless he is with his own safety + his expertise with machines it felt like a logical conclusion to him. he’s also very casual about his own injuries bc he can just patch it back up later, no big deal. it grosses Nano out.

Lal’s very scatterbrained, bad at talking to people, and horrendous at taking care of himself. he’s also super disaster gay and was dating both Circuit and Nilesy in the rp verse (as well as like, whatever’s going on between him and Nano in both fic and rp). he sees Xephos and Honeydew as basically his adopted parents, although his relationship with them has faded due to lack of contact; he’s usually very casual about people going in and out of his life, but it started to wear on him and he gets pretty lonely.

he’s very distrustful of other Lalnas because of everything with Hector and MP!Lalna, although he doesn’t go on the attack immediately unless he feels threatened. his memories of YOGLabs (i think the “YOG” was supposed to stand for something but i never actually sorted out what it was) are of working on the respawn system before getting suddenly fired; in actuality, he’s the master clone that got kicked out after Hector proved to Xephos that the Lalnas were too dangerous to keep around. the side-effect of this is he has a weird bug where he ends up with memories of various other Lalnas, and sometimes has trouble keeping track of which Lalna he is without someone being there to ground him. this really doesn’t help with Nano’s mistrust of him

his timeline goes: Voltz -> Yoglabs -> Duncan’s Lab -> Blackrock -> The Apprentice -> Flux Buddies series

Lalnable “Hec” Hector is... complicated. he’s the original Lalna, who according to Xephos went insane and had to be locked up in YOGLabs; several of his breakout attempts failed, only for him to finally bail out successfully and go on the run. his main goal is to bring down YOGLabs, believing that Xephos has put all his morals in the trash in search of power & immortality, with a side hobby of trying to figure out what the hell is up with the Specimens, seriously it shouldn’t be this hard to clone somebody even if they’re full of eldritch goop wtf

all of the Lalnas are trans btw. Hec has voice dysphoria, both bc he has a case of the genders and also bc he hates the idea of being mistaken for another Lalna (although he’s tried to play that in his favour a couple of times. it usually backfires. sup, Tungsten); he feels like the Lalnas are unstable inferior knockoffs, and really doesn’t like seeing reflections of himself walking around. usually this means he goes out of his way to avoid them, but he started directly clashing with Atomic after they ended up in close proximity to each other and he took an interest in Nano.

he’s like... he plays up his edgy side to try and seem intimidating, but he’s honestly pretty pathetic. not that he can’t be dangerous, but he’s just kind of a paranoid guy with a whole lot of brain problems. has a lot in common with Atomic but does Not want to admit it. Hec is also very desensitized to blood and death bc of his work at YOGLabs (Atomic kinda is too but it’s not as prominent), but if he’s actually eaten anybody it’s probably it was probably out of curiosity. WAIT THAT SOUNDS REALLY WEIRD. i do think the like, cannibalism thing is something he got a reputation for without really comitting to it, but the nickname stuck and he’s like “sure, that’s edgy and scares people, i guess” and started going by Hector and then Five makes fun of him

he kinda suffers from badass decay but in an entertaining way bc its more like Lal & Nano learn more about him and are like, okay he’s pretty threatening, but he’s also a Lalna and they’re all idiots

his timeline is: Voltz -> Yoglabs -> Flux Buddies series

Livid Coffee is where shit starts getting REALLY weird and complicated. his deal was established in a rp arc on Atomic’s blog, where like... it was getting close to the end of Flux Buddies 2.0 in-universe, and Hector was testing out the Time Gate with the idea of like, going back in time to YOGLabs, before everything went wrong, and beating the shit out of Xephos. Lal saw something was up, went to go check it out, and got captured; Nano got suspicious once he didn’t return, and Hector has zero foresight or critical thinking skills and kinda panicked. he was only able to get the incomplete Time Gate open for a few minutes at a time while testing it, so he kinda... just. grabbed a Lalna. and sent him on his way back to the base and hoping Nano wouldn’t question it too much or that xe’d think he just had amnesia or something.

unforseen problem: the Lalna that Hector had managed to time-theft was Livid, his past self from when he still worked at YOGLabs.

im gonna be real i still have NO IDEA how this arc goes down in fic, if it does at all, but it does establish a whole lot of important things while also getting REALLY convoluted. i made a lot of decisions in dp that i definitely wouldnt today :,) BUT the gist of it is that Nano easily puts 2+2 together and rushes to rescue Lal only to get captured, and meanwhile Livid learns about everything. about Lalnable, about the failed clones, about getting fired, about how everything ended up the way it is in Lal’s time period. and he freaks out, but realizes he has a chance: he can try to stop all of this. he can go back to his original time period, and tell Xephos to shut the project down, and stop Lalnable from ever existing.

so some pretty cool stuff happens: he stages a rescue mission, rushes back through time while the baddies are distracted by the buddies, and sabotages the Time Gate in YOGLabs Deep Storage so Lalnable isn’t able to get there (which leads to baddies&buddies being scattered through time once they go through). he then runs to talk to Xephos, warn him about everything, because surely he can fix all of this, right?

Xephos listens, but then decides he doesn’t care about the risk and orders Livid to go through with it anyway. when Livid refuses, he’s locked up and his brain is fucked with to try and wipe his memories of the event. he finishes CloneSec on Xephos’s orders, only for everything to click back into place and the betrayal+paranoia causes him to lash out and try to kill Xephos, which gets him rebranded as Lalnable Hector. so it’s a time loop, basically.

as a side note, there’s a backup Livid of sorts-- in case of failure break glass, basically. somewhat literally, bc the clone is hidden in the YOGLabs reflecting pool in a glass box, far away from where anyone would stumble across him. he’s the closest clone to the original (meaning he doesn’t have any physical deviation like the other Lalnas eventually develop over course of experimentation & the master clone template), and has all of Livid’s memories up until the time travel nonsense. he never got to make an appearance outside of the original Livid in Distant Past, but interestingly one of the first times Atomic experienced clone memories in rpverse was something that happened to this guy.

his timeline is: Voltz -> Yoglabs -> Distant Past (fic) -> Hypercubed

while most of the Lalnas were fired or disposed of, with the exception of Hypercubed bc he’s in a frickin box, there was one that Xephos held onto. im gonna be real, im not totally sure how Moonquest fits into everything; honestly im kinda tempted to say it might be a case of a spare Xephos, even, considering he’s not like.. maximum bastard like Yoglabs Xephos is. either way, a single Lalna got picked up by Honeydew & Xephos and they decided to go to space together because why the hell not?

he doesn’t really have a unique nickname yet, because i haven’t done too much with him-- the most Moonquest stuff i wrote was actually an AU, with like. multiple system alien Lalnae, and he never crosses paths with that clusterfuck up there so Atomic only knows about him via clone memories & a very weird encounter with a clone-of-a-clone. who knows what he’s up to nowdays, considering Deep Space Mine never got anywhere.

his timeline is: Voltz -> Yoglabs -> Jaffa Factory -> Moonquest -> Hole Diggers -> Deep Space Mine

AND NOW WHO YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR, THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND: DIGGER

Digger is... he’s something. while all of the other Lalnas listed here (minus original!Livid) are respawn clones, Digger is instead a “shell” clone-- basically just an empty, expendable shell someone can temporarily dump their consciousness into if they want to do something dangerous/stupid or just need to quickly hop somewhere. so, like, basically not a Lalna in the same sense as how the other Lalnas are basically like.. twins but a large number of. he’s also a reject, due to Honeydew screwing around while the shell was being constructed and accidentally mixing in some of his own DNA. because shells have DNA for some reason? they’re weird, they’re like... i think Digs got described as being made of “fake meat particles” once. doesn’t even have a pulse. or like, blood, or viscera, because any damage done to him cracks the shell.

ANYWAY so Digger was initially just a defective shell but the Hole Diggers didn’t get rid of him bc they thought he was funny in concept and also were too lazy to do anything, so he just got parked somewhere in the space station to be forgotten about. then there was a glitch with the sync chambers while Lalna was swapping to a shell, and suddenly Digger was like. aware. he basically got a copy of Lalna’s consciousness downloaded into himself. cue distress and dissociation once he immediately realized he was Stuck in an incorrect shell. THEN Honeydew accidentally blew the space station up to fuck, and Digger-- along with everyone else-- got sucked into a black hole.

ive been kinda vague about where exactly in time&space he ended up, but he basically took over some ruins he found and dug out a huge complex underground base and raids a nearby village for supplies while he was getting his feet. this is how he found a thaumonomicon, and he got himself deep into thaumcraft out of curiosity. he got himself heavily warped, and normally it would be pretty concerning but he’s rather calm about it

ive kinda gone back and forth on how he sees himself, so: he definitely starts out thinking he’s Lalna Prime but in a shell, but then learns about Other Lalnas and his memories are confusing&incomplete so he starts questioning himself and has a big ol crisis. he picks up the nickname “Digger” and ends up developing in his own direction somewhat, becoming his own person despite being a shell. having to accept the fact that he’s permanently a shell has been... difficult, and he tries very hard to ignore it because he feels like he’s super fragile if he thinks about it for too long. by the time he showed up in rp stuff, though (like showyourenergy and the corruption saga) he started owning it as like “yeah!! this is me, i guess!! if you look down on me for it ill shoot you with a very big gun!!”

his opinion on other Lalnas is that he’s TERRIFIED of them. like, pretty much convinced he’s going to get hunted down and killed if the original Moonquest Lalna finds out about him (once he learns that he even exists). that, combined with his warp, means he has paranoia to rival Hec’s; it only gets worse in rpverse when he’s managed to make a Lot of enemies. he does have a very close friend, though, potentially the only person he trusts completely: Drei, aka Specimen Echo 3-B, one of the failed Specimens that Hec created. there’s like this whole thing where Nano & the two surviving Specimens are like, a trio representing various forms of thaumic corruption? Nano is Flux, Five is Taint, and Drei is Warp! so Drei met Digger when he got himself warped to all hell, and they’re basically siblings.

i also rp’d him for like 3 days on here during the jsab corruption saga bc for some reason i doodled a leo!lalna instead of using RR

his timeline goes: [Voltz -> Yoglabs -> Jaffa Factory -> Moonquest] -> Hole Diggers -> ?

[danfanciesphil]

Give Me A Try (New Chapter)

Gay Instagram Model/Bartender Phan AU Part 3

(Part One)

(Part Two)

(Read on Ao3!)

Dan’s in the middle of his break, scrolling through his phone, when a text notification appears at the top of his screen. He drops his bagel into his lap, cursing.

The text is from Phil. He doesn’t know any other Phil’s, so it has to be AmazingPhil, texting him, inexplicably.

He clicks the notification, eyes wide, simultaneously scooping up the bagel bits that have fallen onto his knees.

From: Phil To: Dan im in makeup for a weird photoshoot for some korean clothing brand and they just put loads of silver goo in my hair to make it chromey

As Dan is reading the message, searching between the lines for a reason Phil might be telling him this information, another text pings through.

From: Phil To: Dan whoops, i kinda meant to send that to PJ. but hey, if you’re interested, here’s a pic of me with ‘Kpop Idol Silver Hair Paste’ in lol xx

From: Phil To: Dan [image]

The phone slips from Dan’s fingers, clattering through his legs to the floor of the staff room. Phil has sent him a selfie. An un-edited, un-Instagrammed photo of his breathtaking face, up close. Sure, there’s a weird silvery goop in his usually raven hair, but still. Gingerly, Dan retrieves the phone, a small, strangled sound escaping from his throat as he surveys the image in front of him.

It makes a little more sense now that Phil has informed him that he had actually mistakenly texted the original message, but did the guy really have to follow up with a photo? He must, surely, be aware of Dan’s crush. He witnessed the brunt of Dan’s obsessive stalking in person on his phone, after all.

Bagel entirely forgotten, Dan just stares down into the pixelated blue of Phil Lester’s eyes, wondering how to respond, and if he even should. Deciding eventually that it would be rude not to, Dan shakily types out something he hopes is vaguely witty.

From: Dan To: Phil hahaha wow :’) kpop? more like kpoop. (it looks like bird poop, sorry dude.) x

From: Phil To: Dan hahaha it does ur so right. and if you think thats bad you should see the outfits… xx

Settling back into his chair, Dan bites his lip. As he thinks of a potential response, his eyes wander over to the spot, just to the right of him, where he and Phil had stood not long ago, when it had seemed like maybe, possibly, Phil might’ve…

But obviously that’s absurd. 

Dan’s wishful thinking had clearly driven him to the point of hallucination, because the very notion that Phil Lester, AmazingPhil, the famous Instagram model, would ever have looked at Dan as anything more than a random bartender, is laughable.

Dan sighs to himself, then smirks. Well, just because he has no chance, doesn’t mean he can’t utilise his semi-connection to the celebrity to get some behind-the-scenes footage of his fave.

From: Dan To: Phil well now i have to see x

There’s a noticeable pause, and Dan wonders, panicking vaguely, if he may have pushed too far. Is it a little much to ask this of Phil? Maybe he just won’t respond, and Dan will have to quit his job forever, or maybe just spend his shifts on red alert that Phil will wander into the bar, and hide from him if he does-

He texts back.

From: Phil To: Dan [image]

From: Phil To: Dan hot, right? xx

For two long, uninterrupted minutes, Dan is frozen. Then, he lets out a muffled groan of frustration. The photo Phil sent is a full body shot taken by someone else; he’s dressed in an asymmetrical long white t-shirt with several long rips through the chest, some bright pink camouflage trousers, and a shiny silver puffer jacket with a black fur-lined hood. The outfit is a complete disaster, but it doesn’t matter in the slightest. His chest is visible through the slits in the tee; having seen it twice now IRL, Dan is drawn to the slivers he can see. The trousers make his eyes pop, and the jacket matches the silver streaked through his hair.

His pose is casual, feet apart, smirking at the camera, with his hands gesturing to his body as if to say ‘see what i mean?’. If he’d posted this on his Instagram, Dan gets the feeling he’d have saved it to his camera roll anyway, maybe even made it his phone background.

Dan’s done that with a few of his favourite photos of Phil in the past. He won’t even dwell on the time when Phil posted a photo of himself in the bath and Dan, in a semi-sleep-deprived fit of insanity, printed the photo out and stuck it on his wall.

Tyler came over once, weeks later, saw the photo taped above Dan’s bed, and tore the thing down. He’d told Dan, quite rightly, to stop being such a creep and keep his crazed obsessive behaviour to social media like everyone else.

“Who even has physical photos these days?? You’re like a fucking serial killer!”

Dan chuckles at this memory. He’s glad for Tyler, sometimes, even if he’s only good for keeping Dan’s stalkerish behaviour within the realms of normalcy.

Belatedly, he realises it’s been over five minutes and he still hasn’t responded to Phil. Also, his break is close to being over.

From: Dan To: Phil woww. please, phil of the future, tell me what life is like in 2087 x

From: Phil To: Dan stawwp. i keep laughing out loud at what ur saying and now the designer is sending me death glares :’’’D xx

Trying hard to ignore the fact that his dorky jokes are apparently literally making Phil ‘lol’, Dan checks the time, and sighs, typing out another message.

From: Dan To: Phil is the designer a martian? or maybe secretly one of those reptile-people? maybe skin him just to be safe. also my break is over so i gtg. have fun on set of NASA’s moonlanding recreation x

From: Phil To: Dan aww ur at work too? that sux. i forgot that u work at night lol. hope u stay dry this evening ;) xx

From: Dan To: Phil speaking of… why are u at work? isnt it kind of late for a photoshoot? x

From: Phil To: Dan well its 8am here so no haha xx

From: Dan To: Phil where are you? x

From: Phil To: Dan seoul :) hence the… unusual fashion lol xx

Dan’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead. He stands from his chair, throws his half eaten bagel in the trash, and looks around himself. He’s in the staff room - a small, dusty space with a row of falling apart lockers, a couple of chairs and a small table. There’s a hook on the wall which holds a load of unused aprons, and a rusty heater for when it’s especially cold.

He’s about to go back out to serve a load of rowdy customers some overpriced cocktails, then mop a dancefloor sticky with sweat, alcohol, and whatever other liquids might have found their way there. Then, he’s going to go back to his crummy flat way across in Kemptown, unfold his sofabed, and fall asleep to Netflix.

Phil, on the other side of the world in Korea, is having his hair, makeup and wardrobe done by professionals. He’s being treated like a celebrity, no doubt, and pampered excessively. Later, he’ll receive high-definition, professional photographs of himself looking gorgeous, and post them to his Instagram, where millions of people will tell him how stunning he looks.

Dan sighs to himself. How the other half lives.

*

The following day, Dan wakes up to find that Phil has updated his Instagram story, and posted the photo with the silver goo in his hair. The same one he’d sent to Dan. The caption reads:

Not sure silver hair was a good idea! The designer was going for Kpop, but ended up with Kpoop… can’t wait to show you guys the photos from this shoot! xx

Two things cross Dan’s mind.

First, Dan can now officially state that he had a sneak-peek at an official AmazingPhil photo before it was posted.

Second, the bitch totally stole his joke.

He smiles to himself ruefully, then decides to leave a comment. There’s no way that Phil will even see it - he’s never seen any of Dan’s others, or at least Dan sincerely hopes he hasn’t, as they’re mostly things like ‘choke me’ or ‘slap me round the face with your yaoi hands dad’.

Okay, maybe he tends to leave those sorts of comments when he’s less than sober.

This time, Dan just taps out a simple:

danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)

Still smiling to himself, Dan rolls over onto his side, and settles in to watch Phil’s story. The stories are usually long, silly, and full of adorable clips of Phil being clumsy and cute. As expected, this one is no exception. It’s a tour of Phil’s hotel room in Seoul, which is very posh.

Phil exclaims over the origami hand towels on his bed, the robe provided for him in the wardrobe, and the multiple options on the ‘disco shower’ as he calls it. Just as Dan is marvelling at the panoramic shot Phil has filmed of his view from the balcony, a notification pings at the top of his screen.

amazingphil replied to your comment: joke stealing is…

Dan sits bolt upright in bed, the sheets falling off him. He runs a hand through his messy hair, eyes wide. He clicks the notification before it disappears, heart pounding.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. Dan hadn’t intended for him to actually see. What if Phil thinks he’s being rude? He doesn’t actually mind Phil stealing his stupid joke about the hair goo. It’s an honour, if anything, that Phil finds his dumb joke good enough to post as a caption millions of people will read.

Heart thrumming, Dan finds the response Phil left.

danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)

amazingphil: @danisnotonfire aha i was kinda hoping you wouldn’t see ;D

Another notification pings at the top of his screen.

amazingphil started following you

“Holy shit,” Dan says to nobody.

amazingphil liked your photo

“Fuck,” Dan squeaks, clutching his pillow for support. “Stop it Phil, I’m gonna have a heart attack.”

Curious, Dan clicks the last notification, wondering which photo it was that Phil pressed the little heart for. To his surprise, it’s a selfie, one he took at work around a month ago. He took it during a lull between serving, if he remembers correctly. The lighting hadn’t been awful when he was doing his hourly fringe check in his phone camera, so he’d snapped a pic. It’s nothing special, just a moody expression and a wash of pink lighting across one half of his face.

amazingphil commented on your photo

amazingphil: nice pout ;) xx

Dan falls back into the pillows, mind obliterating itself into a thousand, tiny pieces.

*

Over the next few weeks, Dan has several text conversations with Phil. They’re usually started by Phil himself, who will - out of what Dan assumes is boredom - sometimes send him a random meme, a musing about his surroundings, or a selfie. For obvious reasons, Dan prefers the latter.

No matter how many times Phil reaches out via text, the surreality of it never fails to send Dan’s mind freewheeling. It always knocks the wind out of his lungs, it always makes him stop dead in his tracks, and it always leaves him struggling to recover for the next few hours. Whenever this happens at work, Tyler never fails to tease him mercilessly.

“Whoops! Please excuse him, sir, his mind has been blended by a single text from his crush,” Tyler tells a customer the fifth time Dan drops a glass behind the bar.

Dan scowls at his friend, but doesn’t try to defend himself. It’s true, after all. One text from Phil has him behaving like a moron. He becomes physically inept, unable to make the simplest drink.

One night, after the bar has closed, Dan and Tyler are cleaning up.

“So when’s he gonna stop torturing you over text and come sweep you off your beer-drenched tootsies?”

Dan rolls his eyes at this. “He’s not, Ty. He’s a rich and famous superstar, and I’m clearing up puke for the third day in a row.”

Dan wrinkles his nose as he continues mopping up the patch of vomit. He’s suspicious at this point; three days in a row is unusual. Is the same person coming in each night and spewing their guts all over the dance floor out of spite? Perhaps it’s some sort of hate crime.

“It’s like a Cinderella story!” Ty exclaims, pirouetting around his broom. “Except it’s gay, which makes it even better.”

Dan scoffs at him. “I’m pretty sure fairytales don’t involve stalking someone over social media and having them find out. He’s just taking pity on me because he saw that first night that I’m a fan.” Dan dunks the mop back in the bucket, turning to Tyler. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he has a boyfriend.”

Tyler sucks in a scandalised breath. “What! Who?”

Dragging the mop back to the supply closet, Dan laughs. “Remember the drunk guy he came with? The one who gave me a lovely Rainforest shower?”

“Him?”

Dan sighs, locks the cupboard, and nods. He digs into his pocket for his phone, and brings it over to show Tyler the photo of Phil and Charlie kissing. Matt, the security guard wanders over to see as well, letting out a low whistle.

“He’s a nonce if he thinks that guy’s behaviour was attractive,” Matt says. “He puked ‘soon as I got him out the door that night. All over the pavement.”

Dan looks at Matt, tilting his head in interest. “He did?”

Tyler plucks the phone out of Dan’s hand, zooming into the photo to have a better look, a frown on his face.

“Yep, your friend there came out, called him an Uber and sent him off,” Matt says. “Doubt pukey there would’ve made it home without him.”

“Nice guy,” Dan mutters, cheeks warm.

“This is staged,” Tyler announces abruptly.

“What?”

“Look,” he says, bringing the phone back over for Dan to see.

He zooms in on the crux of the kiss, right onto Phil’s face. Dan grimaces.

“Ty, I don’t want to see-”

“Shut up and look at his face,” Tyler interrupts, grabbing Dan’s chin and angling it towards the phone. “See how his lips are puckered? All stiff and pointed, like he’s kissing his grandma. And his eyes are open.”

“He’s looking at the camera!”

“Nah, Tyler’s right mate,” Matt says. The gum he’s chewing is making gross squishy sounds right in Dan’s ear as he leans over to look. “He looks awkward as hell.”

Dan narrows his eyes at the photo, trying to see what the others see.

“Besides, didn’t you say he hated that guy?” Tyler asks, clicking off the photo.

Dan tuts, snatching his phone back. “Well, apparently he was just being nice to compensate for the fact his kissing buddy covered me in sugary cocktail.”

He makes the smart decision to step away from this preposterous conversation before he does something stupid. Like allow either of these morons to give him hope that Phil is actually single.

Not that Phil being single would even matter.

“Or he was making it clear that he’s available!” Tyler calls after him as Dan stalks over to the staff room. “He whipped his shirt off for you twice and gave you his number. Do you think he’d do that if he had a boyfriend?”

“Drop it, Ty!” Dan calls back, shutting the staff room door behind him.

He will not let himself fall into the trap of daring to believe he could get someone as gorgeous, as hilarious, as pure and… amazing, as Phil Lester. 

He won’t.

*

This is a good philosophy, in theory.

In practise, it turns out to be a lot more difficult. Dan finds this out to his cost when Phil strolls into Habenero the following Friday with Charlie Hickory at his side. Dan’s stomach sinks as soon as he sees the pair, the butterflies that appear each time Phil so much as acknowledges exploding into dust the moment he registers who Phil is here with.

Phil makes a beeline for the bar, a big smile on his face as he sees Dan. Warily, Dan smiles back, very aware that he is not exactly Charlie’s biggest fan.

“Dan!” Phil sings, chipper as ever.

Blushing already, Dan waves an awkward hand. He will never, he’s sure, get used to hearing his name on Phil Lester’s lips. “Hi. You’re back.”

“Of course! This is my local hangout now,” Phil says, winking. “Great cocktails, cute bar staff, crazy Bingo nights… this place has got it all.”

“Some people might not agree with you about the cocktails,” Dan can’t help himself saying, glancing at Charlie.

Charlie shuffles awkwardly on the spot. “Right,” he says, casting a look at Phil. They share a look that seems loaded with something Dan is not privy to, and then Charlie sighs, turning to Dan. “I wanted to, uh, apologise. About last time. Totally not cool of me to… tell you off like that. I was wasted.”

For an awkward moment, Dan waits for the actual word ‘sorry’ to leave Charlie’s mouth. It becomes obvious fairly swiftly that the dude feels he’s already said enough, so Dan just gives him a tight smile, and clears his throat.

“Oh, yeah man,” he says. “Let’s just… move on, I guess.”

If Charlie won’t say sorry, then Dan’s sure as hell not going to say he forgives him.

“So, drinks?” Phil asks, seeming to sense the taut atmosphere. “Maybe not cocktails?”

Dan can’t help the splutter of laughter, but Charlie shoots a dagger-like glare Phil’s way. It makes Dan’s lip curl; how could anyone be angry with Phil, of all people?

“Maybe some beers?” Dan suggests, teeth clenched. “We have a load of craft beers, or if you’re more into spirits I could make you guys a-”

“I’ll have a vodka and light tonic, no ice,” Charlie interrupts. “A double. If you use regular tonic, I will know.”

“Charlie,” Phil hisses under his breath.

They exchange another loaded look, and again Charlie sighs, turning to Dan with a fake smile. “Please.”

Swallowing the urge to roll his eyes, Dan nods, then gladly turns his attention to Phil. “And for you?”

“Oh,” Phil says, like it’s only just occurred to him that he needs to order as well. “God, I’m so bad at deciding, err…”

As he’s dithering, Charlie sighs. “Are you cool to get these, Phil? I’m gonna go find us a table.”

“You don’t wanna dance?”

“Not in the mood.”

Phil nods, obviously disappointed. “Okay, yeah, I’ll meet you in the back.”

With that, Charlie is gone, slipping into the crowd. The look of distaste must be more evident on Dan’s face than he thinks, because Phil laughs at it.

“I know,” Phil says. “But he does have a few… marginally amiable qualities.”

‘Why have you chosen to be with someone that’s marginally amiable when you’re so great,’ is what Dan wants to ask. Instead, he simply shrugs, deciding to change the subject.

“Have you decided on a drink yet? I’d better get on with making his low-cal dishwater.”

Phil laughs a little, then leans forwards, his smile deepening as he leans across the bar. “Surprise me.”

Something sparks a roman candle in Dan’s stomach, and his skin prickles with the heat it creates. He drags his eyes free of Phil’s with some difficulty, nodding, and turns to make the drinks.

He prepares Phil a ‘PopQueen’ cocktail, which is one of their most popular. It’s inspired by popcorn, along with the trio of Pop Queens that rule the gay music scene: Gaga, RiRi, and Bey. The moscato vodka base is made from Italian grapes to represent Gaga’s heritage, the spiced rum is a shoutout to Bey’s favourite drink, and Riri comes in in the form of a smoky splash of passion fruit bitter. The rest is topped up with popcorn syrup, lemonade, a sprinkle of caramel popcorn kernels, and as many sparkly cocktail sticks as Dan can fit in.

He explains the whole concoction to Phil as he presents it, a little smug because he knows this is an impressive looking cocktail. It’s probably his favourite one to make; the Viniq shimmery moscato vodka makes the drink swirl and shimmer - always exceptionally pretty.

Sure enough, Phil’s mouth drops open at the sight of it. “Okay wow,” Phil says, chuckling. “I’m gonna get drunk tonight, aren’t I?”

“If that’s your plan, this should definitely help you on your way,” Dan says, laughing too. “I wouldn’t recommend having a second if you want to remember your evening.”

Phil leans forwards to take a sip of the PopQueen, moaning around the straw, much to Dan’s dismay. He plucks one of the popcorn pieces off and eats it, eyes closed. In related news, Dan struggles not to fall to the floor. “Dan, you are an artiste,” Phil says. “Popcorn is my all time favourite food.”

“Oh, wow, that’s... lucky, I guess,” Dan stammers, a swell of pride surging up into his chest. “Glad you like it.”

“So, how much?”

“Oh, on the house.” Dan smiles, sliding the cocktail across the bar along with Charlie’s vodka tonic. “I feel bad for not letting you in on the forfeit for Bingo last time.”

The look on Phil’s face softens into something so sweet Dan can taste sugar on his tongue. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Phil says softly.

“It’s fine, really,” Dan assures him, all but sliding his elbows across the bar towards him. “I insist.”

A twitch in the corner of Phil’s mouth, and then he’s leaning across the bar. It happens slowly, but Dan still manages to be caught off guard. One moment, he’s watching, bemused, as Phil inches towards him, and the next there’s a light press of paper-soft lips to his cheek. A scratch of stubble grazes over Dan’s skin as Phil leans away.

“Thanks,” Phil tells him, smiling. “You’re sweet, Dan.”

And then he’s turning away, drinks in hand, slipping into the mass of people.

*

For the next few hours, Dan hopes for Phil to return to the bar for another round. He waits, eagerly, for this moment to come. Instead, Charlie is the one who brings his and Phil’s glasses back over, and waves to flag down Dan’s attention.

He nods in acknowledgement, finishing up the drinks order he’s in the middle of, and sidling over to Charlie. He forces a strained smile.

“Same again?”

“Yeah,” Charlie says, digging out his phone. “And a couple of vodka shots.”

He says nothing else, eyes glued to his phone screen. Dan waits for a moment before moving off, eyes stuck to Charlie’s face. He’s the kind of gorgeous that shouldn’t exist in real life. Unblemished, tanned skin. Clean, dark stubble, lacing his perfect, razorblade jawline. His hair is a swoop of glossy mahogany; even the cut of it looks expensive.

Charlie’s eyes flick up to Dan’s, obviously questioning why he’s staring, so Dan nods, embarrassed, and hurries to make the drinks. From a superficial standpoint, it’s obvious why Phil is with Charlie. Obviously, in Dan’s eyes, Phil is the most attractive man on the planet, but that’s just because he’s Dan’s type. Even he can tell that Charlie is objectively a beautiful human being.

It’s just a shame about everything below the surface level.

Dan pours the two shots Charlie ordered. “All together it’s twenty pounds, please.”

Charlie snorts, then pockets his phone at last. “Figures you’d give Phil the discount.”

He pulls out a twenty and slaps it on the counter.

“Sorry, I can’t give you guys free drinks all night.”

Charlie just stares back at him, a faint, knowing smile caught on his dusty pink lips. One of this thick eyebrows is slightly quirked, sliding an irritation under Dan’s skin. “Listen, Danny, is it?”

“Dan,” he grits.

“Dan,” Charlie says, leaning across the bar. “A little advice, yeah? Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.”

He downs both the shots in quick succession, baffling Dan, who is frozen, mortified, to the spot. Before his brain can thaw enough to stammer out some witty rebuttal, Charlie has swept the drinks off the counter, and is moving away.

Cheeks burning, Dan turns around, trying to calm his boiling blood. He squeezes his fists together, counting to ten, the way he makes himself after all encounters with dickhead customers.

“Hey, sweetcheeks, can we get some drinks over here, please?”

With a deep sigh, Dan unclenches his fists, and turns to the next customer.

*

At around one in the morning, Dan runs to the bathroom for a minute, and on his way, he sees Charlie. He’s against the wall of the club, near the DJ booth. There’s a muscular, dark-skinned man pressing him there; their faces are close. Dan can’t stop, he’s left Tyler and Dodie to the mercy of the drunks in their worst state - things get rowdy an hour before closing - and he needs to get back there. So, instead, he simply tucks the image away in his mind, to think about later on.

That man, leant against Charlie in a less-than-innocent seeming stance, was certainly not Phil, after all. As he exits the bathroom, he notices that Charlie is gone, as is whoever was with him.

*

At 1:55am, the lights come on. As usual, an enormous groan chants out of the crowd of patrons on the dance floor, followed by a few pairs awkwardly stepping out of the shadows, some squinting and eye-covering, and the slow, jelly-legged walk to the coat-check area.

“I think I just saw some guy getting up off his knees in the corner,” Tyler says despondently. “Shotgun not mopping the floor tonight.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Dan sighs. “On the dance floor? Really? Why can’t they suck each other off in the bathroom like normal people?”

“Oh, there were definitely people doing that in one of the stalls about an hour ago,” someone says to Dan’s right. The voice, for some reason, sends the hairs up on the back of Dan’s neck.

He turns, wondering when Matt’s voice got so low, only to find that Phil has perched himself on one of the bar stools, the dregs of his cocktail still in a glass in front of him. For a moment, Dan is too stunned at the sight of him to reply. Then, he registers that the lights are on, and cringes, knowing he likely looks frightful. Phil, of course, looks radiant as ever even under the harsh fluorescents, apart from a faint tiredness, visible in the dark circles underneath his eyes.

“You’re still here,” Dan comments. “I thought you guys had gone.”

“Charlie left,” Phil says, looking away from Dan. “Or I assume he did.”

Out of sight, Tyler catches Dan’s eye, making an obscene gesture with his hands before snickering and running off in the direction of the supply closet. Dan just glares after him, pink-cheeked, and turns back to Phil.

“Wait, he left without telling you?”

One of Phil’s shoulders moves towards his neck, then falls. “He does that.”

“Wow that’s… kind of shitty.”

As soon as the words are out, Dan regrets them. He can’t help but think of Charlie’s comment from earlier; it rings in his ears as if the guy had screamed it at him.

Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.

He was right, probably, though Dan had hated hearing it. He should stop being such a suck-up. It must be awkward and cringey for Phil to see Dan so obviously smitten.

Still, Phil throws him a faint smile. “It’s cool. He’s just a flaky guy. A bit of a princess. He grew up rich, so he’s always been a bit superficial. I’m trying to wring the bourgeoisie out of his blue blood.”

Dan snorts with laughter. “In my experience, you can’t filter the dickishness out of people very easily.”

There’s a silence, then. Phil regards him with a faintly curious expression.

“Maybe I’m wrong,” Dan says once the silence gets too uncomfortable. He shrugs, grabbing the rag from his back pocket and starting to wipe down the bar. “I don’t know the guy, really. I’ve just had a couple of unfortunate experiences with him.”

“Oh no,” Phil says, face falling. “What did he do this time?”

Dan laughs, bitterly. “Don’t worry about it. He’s just a little mouthy, is all.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

“So, when do you get to leave this place?” Phil asks, playing with his glass. He still hasn’t drunk the remainder of his cocktail. “Or do you sleep here?”

“On weekdays, the bar closes at two, so I get out of here at around two-thirty.”

“Christ,” Phil mutters. “And I thought my job was long hours.”

A laugh bursts out of Dan’s throat, but he covers it as best he can with a cough, turning away. Busying himself with ‘dusting’ some liquor bottles, Dan tries to compose a straight face. Is Phil honestly going to try and argue that his job is difficult? When was the last time that guy ever grabbed a broom, or handled someone’s sticky change?

In a minute, Dan is going to go into the corner of the dance floor, get down on his knees, and clean up some randomer’s come. A few weeks ago he saw Phil swanning about a five-star hotel in Korea. If AmazingPhil’s worst complaint is that he had to have a few questionable outfit choices put on him, and some silvery goo in his hair, then he needs a reality check.

Nevertheless, Dan knows that he can’t say any of this. Not only would he never dream of insulting Phil Lester, but it’s pointless to try and explain the differences between classes to someone in a privileged position. They’ve usually forgotten how to understand.

“Are you close by, at least?” Phil asks, interrupting Dan’s thoughts.

Dan turns back to him. “Kemptown. It’s half an hour’s walk, more or less.”

“You walk?” Phil asks, eyebrows skyrocketing towards his quiff. “At two in the morning?”

“Five in the morning on weekends,” Dan confirms, hiding a smile at Phil’s surprise. “It’s okay, you get used to it. Besides, it’s mostly just drunk idiots chugging cans of cider and threatening to run into the sea. Not too scary.”

Despite Dan’s reassurance, the look of pity and concern on Phil’s face doesn’t subside. After a while, Dan turns from it, feeling awkward. He busies himself with clearing away the last of the empty glasses, yawning into the crook of his elbow. Tonight was rough.

“You should crash at mine,” Phil blurts.

Sure he must have misheard, Dan faces Phil slowly. “Um, what?”

“If you’re exhausted, I mean.” Phil fidgets, fingers tapping against his glass. “Like, on the nights you can’t face walking all the way home, you can totally just sleep on my sofa.”

Speechless, Dan simply stares.

“The couch is pretty comfy,” Phil continues in a ramble, not meeting Dan’s eye. “And my flat is just up the road, literally like a minute away. I’m not saying, y’know, come over every night, ‘cause obviously… that might be an issue, but you can absolutely stay round on, say, Saturday nights when you finish later. That wouldn’t be a problem.”

He’s just being nice. That’s Dan’s only explanation. Phil Lester is a sweetheart of a person, and he got so worried about the hypothetical danger involved in Dan’s walks home, that he offered something big, even though he didn’t really mean it.

Dan is a stranger to him. He needs to decline the polite offer, and let Phil off the hook he accidentally created to string himself up on.

So, Dan forces out a small chuckle, and says: “Oh, no, it’s really fine. Thanks for the offer, that’s really good of you, but I quite like the walk. It’s a nice come down after a busy night.”

Phil nods, chewing his lip. He looks unconvinced. “I’m not just saying it, though.” His voice has dropped to a lower tone. “Like tonight… you’re so tired, I can see it. Just grab some sleep at mine before you head back across town.”

As soon as Phil mentions it, the quilt of his own exhaustion flops around his shoulders, dragging Dan’s bones towards the floor. He tries to picture the stumble back to his crummy flat in Kemptown, loathing each imaginary step.

“You barely know me,” Dan says - one last attempt at refusal.

Sensing he’s won, Phil smiles very slightly, then downs the rest of his cocktail at last. “I don’t know if it’s just me, Dan, but I have this feeling that we’re going to be good friends.”

(Part 4!)

[jae-bummer]

My Idol: Part Thirteen

My Idol From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

My Idol is a South Korean competitive reality dating game show. It currently airs on Wednesday nights on Jae-bummer’s blog. First broadcast in 2016, the show offers the opportunity for a lucky fan to go on seven blind dates with seven idols. The idol plans the date with the show throwing in specific missions to complete during the day. At the end of the initial dates, the show opens up an audience vote to decide what three idols will move on to the second date.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22

A shiver ran down your spine as you exited the large SUV. Winter and spring argued in the air before you, smacking a vicious wind against your cheeks, and causing your eyes to water. Similar to the battle going on between your mind and heart. the weather around you was filled with turmoil, unsure of what it really wanted. It was supposed to be the beginnings of spring, but winter seemed to carelessly inhibit it’s attempt at growing. The cherry blossom trees lining the street you had parked on made a desperate attempt at blooming, but they seemed stunted. You knew the feeling.

Gnawing on your bottom lip, you wiped your moist palms against your jeans. You didn’t bother to turn as Sweaty and Armpit huffed out of the vehicle behind you, considering they were now a constant fixture in your life. It was strange, having two grotesquely large men follow you around with cameras...and having it becoming a normalized situation. 

Then again, the whole concept of the past few weeks was strange, and you were just as desensitized to that. You remembered the initial feeling of joy, panic, and nausea as you stood waiting for your first idol. At this point you almost felt guilty as you stood, waiting for the seventh man of this journey to greet you, feeling a sense of relief. The initial dates would be complete soon, and you wouldn’t be burdened with first impressions and shy hellos. The six idols you had met thus far made you feel things you weren’t aware you were capable of feeling. You had become all too familiar with fear, with distain, with confusion, with surprise, with joy. Your brain had been processing so many emotions, no wonder it was in a constant argument with your heart. 

You stood before a building comprised of glass windows and doors. You shifted your weight, crossed your arms, and tried to be patient. Searching each small window for any sign of a face, you finally gave up and began to look at your shoes again, allowing yourself to dive back into your thoughts. 

Your mind launched from fragment to fragment, attempting to relive each date until this point. It seemed like it had been an eternity since your first, since you were greeted by the sight of Im Jaebum. Closing your eyes, if you focused hard enough, you could almost smell his cologne as if you were once again enclosed in his coat. You had felt warm and nervous, pressed tightly to his body and your lips still hot from your accidental kiss. They weren’t nearly as hot as your face though, when it had been inches from Taehyung’s on your second date. Your lips nearly touching as you both nibbled on a churro after your first and only failure at a mission. Dating Taehyung had felt like spending time with an old friend you had rekindled a romance with. This was the complete opposite when reflecting on your date with Jay, the meddling ex-idol rapper who had completely enticed you by his actions following his date. You had initially felt something similar to disgust after your first exchange, but even up until Sehun’s date, he couldn’t seem to leave you alone...and you weren’t necessary upset by it. 

Jooheon’s date was a welcomed relaxation following the roller coaster that was your time with Jay. You had never felt so relaxed with an idol than you had with Jooheon. He felt comfortable, like a sweater you had bought at the end of winter season and rediscovered again the following fall. And speaking of fall...fall you did during Seunghyun’s date, but not nearly in the way you had ever expected. You had made a complete fool of yourself, allowing your thoughts to scream louder than your words as you fled from what could have been the most connected you had ever felt to another human being in something as short as a day. And then you were left to clean up the initial impression of yourself as you met Sehun, your sixth idol. You had both been awkward initially, but the feeling melted away as time passed. It was the epitome of first date, down to the anxious butterflies and flirting. You thought back to Sehun dropping you off on your doorstep shortly after you had enjoyed coffee with a couple nearly twice your age...

“I don’t want to stress you,” Sehun sighed, reaching your doorstep. “So I won’t ask for a kiss...or for you to wait for me for an extended period of time while I join the military.”

“Sehun,” you groaned, closing your eyes as a nauseous feeling swept your stomach. 

“What? I’m not talking about the show,” Sehun smiled with a shit-eating grin. “I’m simply citing an example of things men have asked women. This isn’t The Notebook, Y/N. This is My Idol.”

“What is your point Sehunnie,” you sighed, crossing your arms. 

“My point is, if the audience picks me, I will be so incredibly excited,” Sehun whispered, pulling you into his arms and setting his chin on your head. “But if they don’t, I’ll be okay. And you’ll be okay. And this will be an experience we both had and can laugh about someday...just don’t worry so much.”

“Sehun-” you sighed, attempting to look up at him, but he pulled you closer. 

“I’m not done,” he chuckled. You felt him shift to look at one of the cameras. “Did I say I was done speaking? Aigoo, this kid.”

You groaned into his sweater, stomping your foot as you accepted your wool prison. 

“This is completely out of your hands,” he continued. “And my hands. Did I mention how capable my hands are?” 

You groaned again, trying to urge the man before you to finish his point. 

“Alright, alright,” he laughed. He kissed your forehead lightly before retreating, his long fingers intertwining in yours as he pulled away. “Just don’t stress too much. Your face is too pretty for wrinkles.” 

You heaved a sigh as you opened your eyes again, still alone in front of the mirrored windows that made up the large building before you. You looked cautiously over your shoulder to Sweaty and Armpit who were speaking quietly to each other. Sehun was right. You shouldn’t stress. 

Which was easy enough to say when you were alone. 

Your head snapped forward as you heard the spring of a door activate, launching open and outward from the mirrored building. A handsome man hustled out of it and toward you, a beautiful grin placed on his perfectly proportioned face. 

“I’m late,” he admitted, standing before you with a sad smile. “Well...I mean, technically I’m Mingyu, but I’m also late.”

You chuckled at his corny joke, nodding as he spoke. His voice was pleasant, his words falling from his lips with little thought or concern. You couldn’t help yourself as you looked up and down the man, from his perfectly styled hair to his perfectly coordinated clothing. He exuded a confidence you hadn’t quite experienced before. He was the youngest idol you had dated thus far, so his self-assurance was endearing. 

“You ready?” he hummed, directing his chin toward the building behind him. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” you sighed, nodding to yourself again. Mingyu smiled warmly at you before taking your hand into his. You were surprised by his action so early on, but he took it in stride. He didn’t seem to have any reservations as he moved forward, tugging you toward the door he had just emerged from. 

“Not to make this completely awkward,” he sighed, pulling open the door and motioning for you to enter. “But do you know what group I’m a member of?”

“Well, I didn’t know this was going to be a pop quiz...Ming-goop was it?” you chuckled, shooting a wink at him. “You’re a rapper in Seventeen, but don’t think I’m a fan or anything.”

MIngyu laughed loudly, his happiness radiating down the empty hallways he led you through. “Of course you’re a fan. More specifically, I’d like to think your my fan. Am I your favorite?”

“Sure,” you nodded with a grin. 

“That was convincing,” he chuckled. “Even if I wasn’t your favorite, you’re kind of forced into telling me I am.”

“Am not,” you argued. “Matter of fact, I have no reservations about letting you know that The8 is my favorite.”

“Pfft, okay,” Mingyu laughed, looking over his shoulder at you. “I’m everyone’s favorite.”

Your eyes grew wide as you watched the boy before you continue to navigate the building. “Oh?”

“Don’t lie, you have my poster taped to your ceiling,” MIngyu teased. “Right above your bed so I’m the last thing you see at night.”

“Is that why you’re so tall?” you gasped. “To fit all of that ego?”

You were enjoying your banter with MIngyu as you continued down hallway after hallway, each one more grey and dimly lit than the next. You had no idea where you were or where you were going, but with your ease of interaction with MIngyu, you didn’t really care. 

“I just seem tall to those that are vertically challenged,” he nodded. “Such as yourself.”

“Vertically challenged?” you croaked. “I’m not even that short...”

“But I’ll admit,” he smiled. “You are pretty cute.”

“Of course I’m pretty cute,” you grumbled, pouting a bit from his previous comment. “I had to be pretty cute if they were sending me off to get kidnapped by idols. Where the heck are we going by the way?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Mingyu laughed. 

“Well yes, I would like to know,” you nodded. “That’s why I’ve asked.”

“Patience,” MIngyu sighed, finally reaching another door. He kept his hand hovering over the doorknob before turning to you dramatically. “Are you ready to find out our date location?”

“I don’t understand where the mental block is coming from, I literally just asked-” you muttered, but MIngyu cut you off. 

“I took you in through the back way for dramatic effect...but we’re...” he pulled open the small wooden door with entirely too much force, causing it to slam into the wall behind it. A crowd of people stood on the opposite side, shooting wary looks to the tall boy before going about their business. You looked around quickly, trying to identify your surroundings before Mingyu spoke the words. 

“The aquarium!” 

Your face broke out into an instant grin as you looked from the brightly colored fish banners back to the boy beside you. Pride glowed from his face as he looked back down at you. “How do you feel about really large fish and aquatic mammals?”

“Positively,” you nodded, nearly skipping out of the door. 

“They have sixteen different themed zones,” Mingyu nodded, the electricity of excitement emitting from his body. His fingers squeezed yours as he spoke, the smile never leaving his face. “But before that, I advise we get a fish ice cream. Snacks are very important on a first date.”

If you were an anime character, your eyes would have transformed into hearts as you stared up at him. “I couldn’t agree more.”

In the past couple of weeks, you had forgotten how fun simple experiences could be if you let your guard down from time to time. Maybe it was because you were on your last first date of the season, or maybe it was Mingyu’s laid back attitude, but you felt completely at ease as you strolled between the tanks. 

You bit at the fish shaped ice cream Mingyu had bought you, your free hand still encased in Mingyu’s fingers. He wasn’t afraid to keep ahold of you, making sure everyone in the nearby vicinity knew you were together, and were indeed on a date. 

“My date’s cute, isn’t she?” Mingyu had asked the aquarium worker selling the ice creams. Your face had grown hot from the sudden comment. The worker nodded politely, reaching deep into the freezer to attain the food before MIngyu could make the situation anymore awkward. “But I’m cute too, right?”

You had lost it at that point, dissolving into a fit of giggles as you stood beside the young man. The freezer worker, a young man himself, immediately looked up at Mingyu, his cheeks growing red. Even simply thinking of the story caused you to chuckle quietly to yourself. 

“They’re funny looking, aren’t they?” MIngyu sighed, standing behind you and placing his arm lightly around your shoulder. Unlike other dates where you had felt overtly aware of any sort of body contact with your date, Mingyu’s motions felt right. His arm around you wasn’t a surprise that caused anxiousness in your stomach, but a welcomed sign of affection you didn’t know you had craved. You were unsure as to why you were feeling this way, but you weren’t going to begin to question it. You hadn’t found solace in weeks, and if being at an aquarium with Mingyu calmed you, who were you to ruin the experience for yourself? As you stood in front of building that morning, you had nearly ruled MIngyu out before he even had the chance to begin. 

“You can’t say that about yourself. I know the glass is reflective, but-” you began, speaking slowly for optimum annoyance. He pursed his lips before taking a large bite of his ice cream. 

“I could do with less sass,” Mingyu finally grumbled after swallowing. 

“Mission,” Sweaty sighed, pushing a red envelope in you and Mingyu’s direction. You sighed to yourself, suddenly being brought to an awareness you wanted to ignore. You were on a reality television dating show. 

Mingyu cautiously took the envelope from Sweaty’s hand and shoved the rest of his fish ice cream into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully before wiping his fingers on his jeans and taking the envelope into both hands. 

“Not to jump to conclusions,” he sighed, looking at you warily. “But we’re at an aquarium. This could get bad.”

“I’m not swimming with sharks,” you said bluntly, looking to the two camera men. 

“I agree,” MIngyu nodded. “No matter how good I look in a wetsuit.”

You rolled your eyes, snatching the unopened envelope from Mingyu. You slid your finger beneath the seal and pulled the mission card out, only to have him pluck the piece of paper from your hands. 

“Under the Sea! Venture to the Deep Blue Sea Tunnel. Once there, count the number of sharks swimming above your head. Finish in three guesses and escape the penalty.”

“Mingyu...” you sighed, tilting your head. “How big is the deep blue sea tunnel?”

Mingyu groaned, looking up from the mission card and to your face. “Big.” 

“Is that the scientific measurement?” you chuckled, shaking your head. 

“What did you want me to say?” Mingyu sighed. “Millions of gallons of sea water, Y/N. So much sea water that there is no way we’re going to find all of those sharks.”

“Well at least we’re not swimming with them...” you grumbled, shuffling toward the arrows directing you to the next area. 

“Until we don’t finish in three attempts and suffer the penalty,” Mingyu groaned, taking your hand once again. “At least-”

“Yeah, yeah, you look good in a wetsuit.” 

To be continued...

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5 - PART 6 - PART 7 - PART 8 - PART 9 - PART 10 - PART 11 - PART 12 - PART 13 - PART 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22