#(like. guys. pls. really. come on) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

snzydarling · 2 months ago

Text

Trial And Error

fandom- totk characters- link, Purah, Sidon, Zelda relationship- zelda/link cw- sneezing, kink content, mess notes- hi!!! I'm locked in!! So hard!!! This might be my magnum opus. I forgot to include it I think but his ears are twitching just as much as his nose in this because I think it's cute LOL hope u all enjoy it!!! the puffshroom allergy is inspired by @sf-akahana 's fic !!! its literally never left my brain

Link's never seen anything like a Puff shroom. Probably something dredged up by the upheaval, they're long and vase-shaped, and as Link quickly finds out, incredibly itchy.

He's somewhere in central Hyrule, fighting off a minor monster camp at the request of a stable hand, when he feels something land at his feet. His first instinct is to shield himself from some explosion, gasping, but that proves useless as he gets a lung full of something and is sent coughing, stumbling around Uselessly In the cloud of smoke. His nose is on fire, twitching desperately with need of release, but there's no time. He has to get out of there.

Link runs until he can finally see, breath held against every spasm of his lungs. Once he's out, he can't breathe for another reason, though, nose aflame and flaring. He's sent reeling with a rapid set Off inhales, barely avoiding choking on his irritated lungs as he sneezes and sneezes.

“ hiA’tSHh- t'CHh- e’TCHh-ieww! hI'H-TSCHh-! hiD'TCH’yu! t’CHh- eT’tChh-t'CSHh- e'TCHhi-ieww!” he stumbles forward, still off balance, every breath of air he manages to choke is stolen from him in an instant. He needs to breathe, so he pinches his nose between the fingers of his unchanged hand and prays to Hylia for something as he takes in another whining inhale.

“hD'NGK'T-! e’nDT- n'GKT! heiH'TSH-n’GKT! hiH-hiA'TCHh-iewh!!” he finally gets some respite, wheezing into the damp grass beneath him. But he's not done. His nose tickles with such need, and his eyes are streaming, and a mess is running down his face. Scrubbing his nose against the rough fabric of his sleeves sets off another reaction, making his Entire face itch with A desperation he's never felt before as he pitches forward.

“ ‘iISHHihh-yU! hI’ySCHHh-e’TCHhih-yu! hiAh’CHHTt-ieW!” Link whines, his breath coming still in pitchy gasps. His nose isn't even satisfied, still aflame, prickling deep within his swollen sinus. He's never sneezed like this before. He tries to swallow it down, tongue pressed to the top of his mouth as he stands. He doesn't dare to dust himself off.

The trek back to Lookout Landing is slow going. Every time He can't resist the urge to scrub His nose against something, he's left pinching his flaring nostrils, trying to hold off any kind of reaction. By the time he finally drags himself to the landing, the sun has changed positions in the sky, and Purah's staring down at him with an unreadable look in her eyes.

“Jeez, what happened to you?” She clicks her tongue, studying his itch-flushed face, and dares a poke at the skin above his sinus’. It sends every feeling he'd been trying to repress back to the forefront, and there's Nothing he can do but stumble away from Purah as he twitches and twitches from his nose to his ears as he gasps, teetering over the edge, before yet another fit tears itself out of him.

“ y'DSCHh-! eHD’TZzHhih-iewh! hyIHT'DZzsH-yuu! hyI-” There's a hand on his shoulder supporting him, too large to be Purah's, and when he finally manages to look up, there's a soldier giving him a worried frown. He can't hear what anyone's saying, too muffled beneath his pitchy inhales as a whine escapes from his throat. Vaguely, He thinks he registers something about ‘washing off’ and ‘Hylia, bless you!’ ashes sent into more Rapid sneezes.

He tries to gesture vaguely at himself as he catches his breath, but it's interrupted as he's thrown forward with a “hIHt'CHHhi-!” that scrapes his throat and leaves him coughing and wheezing into his elbow. The cover is pulled from him, and Purah tells him he's going to “smother himself, silly man.” And his entire system is shocked as he's suddenly doused in cold water.

The short-circuiting is enough to let him get an actual bearing of their surroundings, and he looks up through swollen lids to see Purah worrying her bottom lip at him, the same soldier holding an empty bucket. He grins Sheepishly at Link. “Sorry, it's the only thing we could think of. You were having a pretty bad allergy attack.” Allergy? He knew what they were, of course, but Link had never been allergic to anything. He tries to get Such across, with a shake of his head that sends water droplets flying from his hair.

Purah sighs. “Well, obviously you do now.” She begins, poking him in the forehead and graciously avoiding his nose. “There are a lot of new things around. Do you know what it was?” So link pantomimes a mushroom and then an explosion, the crude gestures sending Purah giggling a bit into her hand. “Sounds like a puff shroom.” The soldier states, now handing him a towel, Link's not sure of the source. He doesn't ask, too exhausted and still-itchy to do much of anything besides dry himself off.

“A puff shroom, huh?” Purah muses to herself. “Looks like you'd do well to avoid them, chosen knight.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

Resting for A moment in some unnamed forest near Hateno village, Link decides to experiment.

He's a resourceful person, whether through training or by nature, and he's smart enough to understand the benefit of puff shrooms might have in battle. He has 3, stuffed as far back in his inventory as he can manage, and he buries his face in his hood as he takes them out. The sight of the white spores floating in the air makes his nose twitch.

He takes out an arrow, sniffing as the itch starts to build at the tip of his nose. It's not his first time attaching something to an arrow like this, but he's not sure how much puff shroom's exposure his nose can take. He has to test it.

So he stands, taking his bow and aliGning the arrow in its ridges, a subconscious motion. His nose is starting to tickle so much, though, and he scrubs it on his shoulder before assuming a proper stance, staring Down A tree across from the clearing he's in.

inhale- he draws himself tightly, taking a check of every part of his body. He draws his booting tight. He tries to ignore the glittering white powder on his hands, just inches away from his nose. hold- with everything taught with anticipation, he aims. Closes one eye and aligns the bow until the tip of his arrow is staring at the center of the tree. His nose is starting to burn, urgent and needy. He tries to ignore it until his lungs start to demand more air, taking in hitchy breaths. And release- the arrow whirls by his ear, but he can't see if it met its mark because He pitches forward just a moment after.

“y'DSCHh-! eH’TZzHhi-! hyIHT'shHi-yuu!” he manages to peel his eyes open for just a millisecond, trying to observe how well the puff shroom envelopes everything, but the sight of the spores just ignites the itch again, and suddenly he's sneezing impossibly more.

“h'EISHHh- eTCHh'iew! hyH’tTCHHhi-!” he can feel his Nose drip onto his upper lip, he realizes mutedly, but there's nothing he can do about it yet, because everything just tickles so much that he's got no choice but to scrub at his face, failing to realize his hands are covered in the mushrooms Spores. He's hopeless to his own body as he gasps, head thrown back like a wild animal, every part of his face wet and on fire with Need.

He's smart enough to keep his hands away froM his face now, but it leaves him sneezing down his own front, misting his clothes and the grass beneath his feet. Something finally, mercifully gives, and he can finally breathe, Chest heaving with the effort. He needs to sit down, but not before scrubbing His hands raw in a nearby Pond.

He lays in the grass, head still spinning, watching His horse stare at him with judgmental eyes. He paws at his nose, the faint tickle still residing up in the tip of his nose, sending him into a rapid flurry of small, breathy sneezes.

It might be for the best if he doesn't use them in battle, after all. Maybe his horse will eat mushrooms.

_ _ _ _ _ _

It's months before the allergen presents itself again, so Link's entirely unprepared when it does.

That's not the only reason, though. He's come to expect it in battle and at the trunks of trees, but being face-to-face with a puff shroom in the middle of Zoras's Domain is unprecedented.

It's literally face-to-face, too, Because Sidon’s hands are eye level To link, and he's holding one of those mushrooms in his clawed Grasp As he chitters on eagerly.

“Link!! How lovely to see you, old friend! I was just discussing with one of our dear warriors about you!! Impeccable timing, as always, friend! Rivan apprehended this from a bokoblin this morning and thought it might- oh dear, are you alright?” For all of Sidon's ability to talk anyone's ear off, his perceptiveness deserves credit, as Link wrinkles his nose and gives his head a rough shake that he hopes communicates something.

Sidon softens anyway. “You look A bit unwell, dear friend. Have you considered getting some rest at the inn? I must say, the water beds are truly…” As he talks, he presses a cool hand into Link's shoulder. If he squints, he can see the white spores against the bright red of the king's skin. Unfortunately for him, the movement jostles the mushroom just slightly, and spores float up directly into Link's face.

He can't help but gasp as the tickle Ignites, prompting even more concern and even more movement from Sidon, kneeling and talking incomprehensibly to link, whose sole focus is the tickle that's ignited Itself across his nostrils, leaving him in a staccato hitch as he desperately tries to pull away from Sidon's stubborn grasp.

“hIHH! hih-hAh-” “dear me! Have I made you cry, dear friend?! Do not worry, link, I will-""hiAh’CHHTiew-! hiD'TCH’yu!!” unable to move quickly enough, he sneezes into the open air, beads of mist joining the dampness of the air. Sidon releases him suddenly, leaving him to stumble back for a moment.

Can Zora even sneeze? The thought only grasps him for a moment as he throws his head back, the itch not muffled but somehow worsened by the release. He takes in a quick gasp, then another, and another, but nothing's enough to send him over the edge, even as the tickle burns to the tips of his nostrils, his mouth gaping wide and flashing long canines to the world. He opens a watery eye, taking in Sidon's concerned frown for just a second before something about the light or just the sight of that hylia-forsaken mushroom finally breaks the dam.

He gasps, taking in impossibly more air, before pitching forward entirely uncovered. “h'EISHHh- eTCHh'iew-!hI'H-” Suddenly, remembering some vague sense of decorum left over from years of knighthood, he buries himself into his elbow. “tCHh-eTChh’yu! hIH'h- snf!” He gives another wild shake of his head, feeling something adjacent to cleared out, until He's faced with a sudden dampness on his upper lip.

Shame overtakes his relief, and he can't help the redness on his cheeks as Sidon peers down at him with a half-curious, half-concerned look in his eyes. Link gestures to the mushroom, forgotten in his Hand amid the whole event, and hopes that's enough to connect the dots, because if Sidon doesn't know what's wrong with somebody, he'll pester until he does something he thinks will help.

In this case, it does. Sidon breaks his stupor after just a second of staring, whirling into motion with a simultaneous wide step-back and handkerchief pressed into Link's hands, which are hovering dumbly in the air. Despite Link's clear embarrassment, or maybe as a result of it, Sidon grins down even wider than usual.

“Goddess bless you, dear friend!! I've never seen you sneeze quite like that. I apologize for not knowing about your allergy, a true friend should know about that kind of thing!” Link waves off his apologies as he gives an embarrassingly productive blow into the gifted handkerchief. The material is fancy, soft, and tickly enough to warrant a quick “tI’shiew!” into its folds. It's such a contrast from his issue treatment of his nose, as he's so used to just scrubbing it against whatever sleeve he has on, absentmindedly. The difference from the usual rough fabric to this simple display of royalty is enough to send a pang of hurt into his heart somewhere, but he mentally shakes it off.

Without his knowledge, Sidon has started pushing him towards the baths, babbling Something about ‘washing everything off’, disregarding the fact that he's the one that had the puff shroom, though he's not sure where it ended up now. Sidon's absent-mindedness is so familiar that it stings, a strange habit today, but Link allows himself the rare privilege in getting lost in it, Finding himself suddenly exhausted with the day's events.

If he doesn't come back to himself until hours later, waking up in the nicest bed in the inn, he doesn't question it too much.

_ _ _ _ _ _

Puff shrooms and really anything to do with fighting are pushed far back in Link's mind for the moment.

It's such unknown territory that he's not sure what to do with himself. Ganon was defeated, and after long and painstaking months of rehabilitation, they've finally found some peace back in Hateno.

It's a good thing, too. While the house itself is sturdy, over a year of disuse left every surface covered in nearly an inch of dust that took them hours to clean, and left both of them a little sneezy. But now, the house was starting to feel lived in again.

There was the lingering scent of dinner in the air, and sunlight lit a patch of the wooden flooring up like gold. Link found himself in bed, limbs tangled up lazily with Zelda's as he stared absentmindedly, tracing the grain of the wooden floor. His face lay against her cool neck, forehead set against its crook, and he could feel one of her hands working itself through his tangles of hair, brushing out the knotted bits between her fingers. Ever since he had gotten her back, they stayed impossibly close, like 3 months of staying together like puzzle pieces could make up for almost a year of separation.

When Zelda breaks the Warm silence, he can feel her voice vibrate against her throat. “I went to visit Sidon the other day,” she pauses, probably waiting for a response to verify that he's awake. He gives it in a soft hum. “He told me a story about a little mushroom making you sneeze.” She punctuates the sentence with little giggles, only increasing in intensity as he flushes a bit with embarrassment.

She presses a gentle kiss to his nose, and he scrunches it in response. It conveys the annoyance because she giggles again. “No, it's cute. I didn't know you were allergic to anything. I want to see.” That makes him look up at her, wide-eyed with surprise. She smiles even wider. “For science, of course. Would you do that for me?” She asks so gently. He doesn't tell her that he'd give her the world if she asked; he doesn't even need to.

_ _ _ _ _ _

When Zelda managed to acquire a puff shroom, it was so long after the initial conversation that Link had completely forgotten about it.

She comes home one day from some fancy meeting link that wasn't invited To- not that he particularly wanted to go, anyways, with an extra pep in her step that leaves Him making a questioning noise when she walks in the door.

She smirks at him. “Oh, it's nothing. Just something for later.” She winks at him, giggling, and runs upstairs to their shared Bedroom. Links will as a knight is possibly the only thing keeping his curiosity at bay, but he also knows that if he doesn't prod, she’ll usually spill eventually.

Eventually turns out to be a couple of hours later, when they're both lounging out against a tree, full and happy from dinner. Link is half asleep when Zelda jumps out, rushes inside, and runs back out, grinning with her hands clasped behind her back.

“I can finally fulfill our little promise.” She teases, placing her hands into her lap, palm open, revealing a small, grey mushroom. The sight of it alone makes his nose start to itch, and he scrunches up his face to quell it. That's all the time it takes for her to get even closer to him, staring at him with a silent ask. “Do you trust me?” And “with my life.” It is such a common song-and-dance for them that she doesn't even need words.

The already-blooming itch spells certain disaster, but Link can't ever say no to Zelda, so he nods anyway. She pulls a handkerchief out of her pocket, setting it into his lap. “You'll need this, I think.” She teases with a gentle peck to his nose, already starting to twitch.

It takes her a minute to decide how to go about this, evident by the Way she gently worries her lip. Eventually, she takes the puff shroom in both hands and holds it up to his face. She locks eyes with him, anticipation and eagerness and a little bit of something he can place in them, and bites her lip when he leans forward, sniffing in deep.

The effects are imminent. He gasps, throwing his head back, nose on fire from tip to nostril. it prickles deep into his sinus’, so intense that he doesn't know what to do besides hitch and hitch, until he takes in a whiny breath and throws himself forward until he meets a solid weight.

“hiAh’CHHT-! hI’TSCHhih-t’CHh-eH’TCHhh’yu-!!hIT- … hiH - hA'DTCHh! hH'kNGT'yu-! hI'H-” he realizes with desperation that he just cannot stop. Every breath he manages to suck in Is immediately pulled away from him, and they've done nothing to quell the itch. He's curled into himself, trying to hide such a shameful and weak display. But they keep coming, and he's barely able to think.

“hD'NGk't-! hIAH-” His body is short-circuited when a kiss is pressed against His lips, unbothered by the mess clinging to his cupid's bow. “Don't hold them in.” The lips mutter against him, leaving him hopeless in his body again as it finally catches up. It can't be so simple, though, never for him, and he's left gasping, staring up at the sky through allergic tears in a standstill.

It tickles so bad ,though, and he's so desperate. A whine escapes him, high-pitched and begging for some kind of relief as everything in his nose feels like it's on fire. His mouth is gaping open in a pathetic display, chest stuttering with every needy gasp.

Zelda. The thought comes to him like light at the end of the tunnel, and suddenly he's gasping for her, begging for help, and he can hear her Soft laugh somewhere underneath his own raspy, uneven breaths. Then there's a finger tracing the outside of his nose ever so gently, and he barely feels the touch before the tickle is ignited impossibly more, and he gasps impossibly deeper.

“ah’EITCHh-E’SCHh’yu-!! hI'ySCHHh! hA'DTCHh-ieww!! oh-hiIDTCH-tSCHhi'ieww! hi-hiIH-

..hiDt’tSCHh'yu!” Even his nose is getting exhausted, the fit leaving him panting and his face uncomfortably damp. He tries to scrub the remnants of the itch away, but it triggers a quick, little “hits-sSHh’iew!” That he doesn't quite cover in time, so he's forced to look at the little droplets of mist left in the air as he sniffles wetly.

“May Hylia bless you, love.” Zelda’s voice startles him- in his allergic desperation, he'd completely forgotten he was there, and the realization makes his head spin. He curls back in on himself, shame coiling up in his gut, swallowing hard. it makes A little click! Sound, muddled by the congestion in his throat.

A pair of hands, impossibly gentle, bring his face back up to the light. Every self-deprecating Thought is brought to a screeching halt as she kisses him again, hands holding him in place as he tries to pull away. He doesn't have any good way of articulating that he's gross, so he just makes a raspy-sounding whine against her lips. She pulls away, then, giving one last peck to his bottom lip.

She moves one hand to the handkerchief long forgotten in his lap, using the other to cup his face as she cleans him up. His nose is so sensitive that the too-gentle touch leaves his nose tickling away, and he paws at Zelda's hand as he hitches, feeling his nose twitch and twitch, but she holds firm, handkerchief pressed to his nose, and there's nothing he can do when she rubs his nose again.

“hiD'sHhu - hI'DtsHh! d'shH-yu! hiD'tShh! hiH-! hiDtT-!” They're ticklish and entirely unsatisfied, not nearly enough to quell the last bit of the itch prickling deep in his nose. He holds his breath, fighting every need to take in more pitchy gasps, waiting for something. And Zelda, tried and true, manages to understand. There's that underside of a nail again, tracing down the crooked bridge of his nose, and everything comes Alive with such intensity that he's helpless to it.

“hiD’TSCHHh'yu-! eH’TCHhh’yu! e’TCHh-ieww! oh-” He pants with relief, but Zelda removes the damp handkerchief from his nose, and he's just filled with shame. A knight should never be so weak, so disgusting, never in front of his princess. Her father would probably banish him to the depths for a display like that.

But Zelda doesn't mind, somehow. Instead, she cups his face again, brushes the irritated tears from his cheeks, and massages the irritated skin under his eyes. “Bless you,” she mutters, so impossibly tender. “I think that did the trick.” And she smiles against his lips.

Once the adrenaline well and truly wears off, he's exhausted. His head started to ache, and he was sure he pulled something in his back from being thrown forward so much. Zelda guides him forward, into the house and bed, setting him down with a kiss to the top of his head and a promise to return in a moment.

Link took the time to truly blow his nose, and the satisfaction of it outweighed the embarrassment at how loud it was. Sniffling again sent a “dsch'u!” tumbling out of him, his nose is still abnormally sensitive. Within a minute his eyes are drooping close, but he's startled awake When his hands are guided to a steaming cup.

“Warm milk,” Zelda explains, sitting down next to him with her cup. “Are you feeling better? Your eyes are all red.” There's something deeper in her tone, so he looks over at her, where she's frowning down at her untouched drink. “I'm sorry for making you sneeze so much. I didn't know you were so allergic.” He shakes his head and tilts his Head in a dog-like way that makes her giggle. “Yes, I did enjoy it.” She admitted, leaning into him.

“I've never seen you sneeze like that before,” she continues, pressing her lips to Adam's apple. “It was so cute.” He feels her mouth curve into a smile against her throat. The feeling is ticklish, and it makes him cough. Once he surfaces from his shoulder, he takes a long drink of the milk and hums mostly to test his voice. He's surprised to find it mostly intact, if a bit congested. Link kisses her back, long and gently, on her lips. He has to pull back far too soon, though, unable to breathe through his nose enough not to suffocate.

Another soft fit escapes him- “d'tcHh-! hi’dtshh'yu!” lazily covered by his wrist. Eyes drooping, he feels more than hears the “bless you” from Zelda from where she's nestled against his neck.

#im so nervous #you donf even understand #pls hype me up im shaking like a little pursr dog #this is kind of nerdy LOL!! im a zelda nerd #i wanted to include diferent characters cuz i thougbt itd be silly #links kind of an air head so he doesnt really consider just #not sniffing them all.the time #i wrote modt of this w my dick at 2 am last nifht. so i probably missed some errors #i was originally #going to have link go to kakiriko #and then i remembered impa isnt there ant more #and i couldnt remember which of the tears she went to first so i gwve up and used purah insteadx #i dont remember much about her its probably ooc Sorry!!#i just think sidon is sjch a cutie #link gets sick in the domain or smth and he immediately decides its his fault for living somewhere damp #i really wanted to put more ear twitching but i couldnt figure out where #does zelda have the kink??? maybe #she could be turned on #by lose of control. espicslly when it comes to link #so seeing him sneeze and sneeze would def turn her on.#who in totk has fetish.#bolson?????#i was gonna say yona but zora do Not sneeze ive decided it #they dont really have noses in the newer games they hwvent since like. oot #i think link being sensitive to touch is so cutie!!!!! hes such a tough guy but hes so sensitive #and shakes his head like a dog when hes itchy #sneeze fic #sneezing #sneeze kink #༺❀༻

64 notes · View notes

oldmanfuckerbrigade · 5 months ago

Note

please tell me you're going to expand on why the newsies movie is perfection and the musical is ass, I'd love to see it

(because you are right)

yknow, i was gonna save my rant for my imaginary video essay but it’s too in my head now so i might as well do the deep dive here. you asked so i shall deliver! (Be forewarned this is long as fuck i didnt know how much i needed to say until i started writing this)

Newsies is a (Gay) Love Story and That’s Why The Musical Fails™️

Ok. So. First and foremost, let’s talk about Newsies 1992. To be fair to my own biases, I have a very strong personal connection to 92sies, it was the first musical I ever saw on screen - one of the first movies I ever watched PERIOD - and some of my first memories are of listening to the soundtrack. So you could, on a certain level, chalk up my vehemence about its quality to my fondness for it, and I will gladly admit to that.

BUT. I have now been on this earth for 20 years, and in those 20 years I’ve watched a lot of movies, and a LOT of musicals (and am now studying film full time yippee for me). So I think I can say confidently, with my broadened tastes, that Newsies (1992) is a goddamn masterpiece of a movie musical.

It succeeds spectacularly in both regards, as a film and a musical. It had a stacked deck going in honestly, with directing and choreo both done by Kenny Ortega of High School Musical fame, as well as music by the inimitable Alan Menken. You know this shit was boutta pop off. From a filmmaking standpoint, it’s beautiful. Gorgeous matte paintings in the wide shots, fantastic set work and costume design, as well as the lighting and cinematography being on. fucking. point. every damn time it’s so good it makes me sick. You don’t even need me to say anything about the acting, cause we already know it’s phenomenal.

As a musical, it’s also right on the money. Every tenet of musical theater is respected, we have our intro ensemble number, introducing us to the world, the people within it, and the stakes of the story that we’ll follow. We have our absolute fucking BANGER of an “i want” song which Christian Bale puts his whole Baleussy into. And ofc we have some fantastic call-to-action, come-together, and uplifting songs and dance numbers.

But most importantly, every song does the one of two things any musical theater number should do: advance the story or give us insight into a characters thoughts and feelings. Let’s talk about them all in order (i promise this is gonna tie in to the stage show in a second just bare with me):

The Music

Carrying the Banner is ofc our opening theme, introducing us to the world and characters. Where and when are we, who are the heroes of our story? This is the “known” part of our hero’s journey, the home base and the place to which we will return. This is our Normal Time.

Santa Fe is, as we all know, Jack’s “I want” song, the song that tells the audience the hopes and dreams of our main character, so we can understand, well, what he wants. We can discover through this song what Jack’s character is all about. Through both what he has, what he lacks (or perceives he does) and what he hopes to gain. Jack has no family, he’s alone, but he has seemingly given up on ever being NOT alone, so he pins all his hopes for a better life on the mirage of Santa Fe. If he can pave his own way in the world, leave the city which has done nothing but take from him, maybe he can feel whole again. He’s a dreamer, despite his rough exterior, and he dreams of a life of freedom, beyond what he can find in New York. So there we get, all wrapped in a tidy bow, the essence of Jack Kelly’s character. a deeper look beyond what we have seen up until this point. Ok moving on.

In between Santa Fe and The World Will Know we have a small song which Medda sings. While that song in and of itself isn’t terribly important (it’s just part of her show), the scene that it’s in is VERY important. This is where we have an introduction to one of the few people we could consider part of Jack’s family, as a sort of mother/aunt figure. Overall it serves to give Jack more humanity, therefore giving our audience surrogate David (and hey i’m gonna go off about Davey just gimme a minute) more reason to trust Jack, and thereby the audience can trust him as well. We also get a little interaction between Jack and Davey that was pretty much ripped wholecloth from the movie and supplanted on Jack and Katherine in the show. It’s literally the same shit, Dave and Katherine are mistrustful of Jack and his intentions, they argue, it’s homoerotic as fuck, and it all takes place at the theater. (And also we get the one scene in the movie that does a weak ass attempt to un-gay David by having him drool over a pretty lady. It does not work lmfao).

The World Will Know is a standard call-to-action, but it by no means is mid-tier in any way. This shit slaps. HARD. We have Jack as the voice of the people convincing the gang of erstwhile children to band together with him on this, and stand up for their rights. This is also the first real time we get Jack and David teaming up to achieve a goal. Jack may be the voice of the people, but it’s David who’s the brains behind the operation, knowing what to say and do, while Jack has the respect and tenacity to put it forward. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. BECAUSE THE STAGE SHOW ALL BUT BRUSHES OFF DAVID’S INVOLVEMENT IN THIS SCENE, SO IT NO LONGER SERVES IT ENTIRE PURPOSE. A big secondary point of this scene is to illustrate that while Jack and David are strong boys independently, they work so much better together, and are able to achieve what they wouldn’t normally, alone. And the musical does not understand this. But i’ll get to that later.

Seize the Day is David’s first step towards standing in his own power. The newsies are losing steam on the strike train after Brooklyn refuses to join so David is the one to raise everyone’s morale and bring back their fighting spirit, getting all the other boys to take up the call, preaching brotherhood and community, the strength of standing together. Here is your come-together song. But this is the important thing: It’s David who does it. The song becomes an ensemble number as it goes on but HE is the one who STARTS it. David was hesitant to really rally behind the strike at first, but now he’s all in, he’s connected with the boys and he believes in the cause (thanks to the spirit that Jack brought to it, and how much Jack believe in it cough cough). He does start it in the musical as well, but the tone is very different, it’s only after Jack’s urging that he says anything. Bro didn’t even have to say shit in the movie. But whatever moving on.

King of New York is a hard song to mess up. It’s just good. and fun. and I like it. It probably has the least to do with moving the plot forward or giving us an internal look on any specific characters. It’s an ensemble and dance number. I do like it better in the movie rather than onstage, though that’s mostly personal preference. The stage show kind of beats it to death, like why is it 10 minutes long I swear to god. They know it’s a good song and they wanna capitalize on it, which makes it all seem kind of transparently cynical to me. it’s still like, good and the dancers are on top of it but….its too much y'know. The movie just has a good time with it. Because it’s a good time. Also Jack is there in the movie and he’s not in the stage show for some reason, I forget why. Probably because of some plot contrivance they got from trying to shove new elements into an already lock tight story. sorry ok back to actual critique.

Once and For All is like maybe my favorite song of the whole soundtrack. It just eats. Every time. This is the song we should play while smashing in the heads of the capitalist pigs that run our stupid fucking country. It’s a banger. AND it moves the plot forward, which is always a slay. Let’s make that underground pape and radicalize all the child workers being abused across the city!! yeah!!!

And then we got our TWWK and CtB reprises to tie up the ending in a neat little bow, bringing us back around the our beginning, a la the hero’s journey. We’ve completed our circle and are back to the beginning, changed but better for it, with our characters at transformed equilibrium, the evil vanquished, and bright days ahead. Jack realizes that he doesn’t need to chase the illusion of Santa Fe when what he really wants and needs is to be with the people who love him, the family that was right under his nose the whole time. David is a full fledged newsie, has come out of his shell, become more confident in himself, and his relationship with Jack is assured. So. Let’s talk about Jack and David.

Jack and David

Historians would call them “good friends”. This whole section is gonna be me preaching to the choir, so to speak, so I’ll try and keep this concise. We all know they’re gay, everyone and their mother knows they’re gay, so why is it important? It’s not like that shit is actually baked into the story right? WRONG. Jack and David are at the heart of the story of Newsies. Jack may be the “““main character”””, but David is the impetus for the events of the story, the driving force behind the plot. He is, in essence, the call to adventure that our hero Jack receives at the start of his arc.

He is also the audience surrogate. It’s through him that we learn the ways of the newsies, the ins and outs of the newsboy life, the trials and tribulations. It’s through him that we come to know Jack’s character on a deeper level. We only get Santa Fe after Jack has met Dave’s family (talk about U-Haul lesbians like my god he knew the guy for a DAY and he was already meeting the parents), and we get to see how seeing David’s loving family is painful for Jack, how he grieves that lack of connection but copes by pinning his hopes on Santa Fe. Most everywhere we see Jack go, we see it because David goes too. (MOST. There are exceptions, like his talk with Pulitzer. But of course, David is still RELEVANT in that scene). We see the story through David’s eyes.

Which is why the musical fails.

Because in the musical, David is so far removed from the narrative you could replace him with any guy and it would still work. He is an after thought, all but scrubbed from the script, and for why???

This I don’t have an answer for, which is really frustrating. My best guess is that it was a well-intentioned but misguided attempt to tighten up the script by placing Jack as the main character. And to make room for Katherine.

Oh Katherine….I used to really vehemently hate Katherine, and her addition to the story. I’ve obviously grown since then, I can recognize her importance as a woman within the story, and how that is important for young people to see in media. But also. She is unnecessary. TO THE PLOT. I won’t speak to her necessity from a larger, misogyny-on-the-world-stage level, but to the actual plot itself she is completely unnecessary. And you know how I know? Because they took movie David’s whole personality and just copy and pasted it onto her.

Ok now hear me out, I KNOW that it is not 1:1, but it really doesn’t have to be. If you step back and look at the bare essentials, it is the same shit. Jack and Katherine have the same enemies to lovers type dynamic that was Davey and Jack’s in the movie. There’s the initial mistrust, the dislike, she’s very professional, and kind of a know-it-all. Jack is the charming street rat, all dry wit and golden retriever energy. They tease and bicker and snap at each other. Exactly like Dave and Jack did in 92. Watching both versions back to back made this almost glaringly obvious to me. Like it was actually kind of shocking how obvious it was.

And the thing is, I understand why they did it! Sarah was such a nothingburger character in the movie (sorry Sarah, love you in fics, hate your actress with a burning passion) that they knew they had to add SOMETHING more to any potential romance subplot, and if they were conveniently sidelining David’s character anyway, why not take some cues from the most powerful relationship in the film? I understand the logic behind it, I really do.

But. That still leaves David, flopping around the script like a severed limb, with nowhere to go and nothing to do to help the plot. Cause here’s the thing, his and Jack's relationship is what makes the movie. I don’t care if I'm fandom-goggling this my tin hat is ON I have a MASTERS in FUJOSHI STUDIES. The movie is at its core, about brotherhood and community. It’s about boyhood and friendship and banding together with your peers to achieve great things. They give us this theme through Jack and Dave.

Dave is an outsider, unfamiliar to the ways of the street kids and working within a community like that. Jack is old hat to it, born and bred in it, it’s his home and his family. They come together through a twist of fate, Jack initially thinking only about what’ll earn him the most money at the end of the day, and Davey rightfully mistrustful of him. But they end up forming an organic bond through the strike, finding common ground with one another, and realizing if they team up they can accomplish great things. We see them struggle together, and break apart for a bit. We see Jack realize he’s gotten too close to this boy, brought him into something dangerous and now he genuinely cares for him which is even worse. David goes so far as to break Jack out of jail, but not before Pulitzer can get to him and threaten him with the one thing Jack will take seriously: David. Jack is forced to destroy David's and the rest of the newsies' trust just to keep them safe.

But through all this, facing incredible adversity, dangerous circumstances, gaining and losing a close friend, David is forced to come into his own, take on a role of leadership and stand up for what he believes in. In this way, his own character arc is fulfilled, by the end of the movie. And the one thing that gets Jack back to the newsies? Why David being in trouble, of course. The one thing he hoped to avoid by agreeing to Pulitzers terms. That’s all it takes for him to take it all back, the prospect of David being in danger.

BRO. WHEN I SAY. THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS WHAT DRIVES THE PLOT. I FUCKING MEAN IT.

And y'know they make their own paper and radicalize all the kids in the city, they go to Pulitzer TOGETHER. BY THE WAY. TOGETHER. Which the musical cannot seem to understand. It’s only as a united front that they are able to beat Pulitzer and win fair terms for the newsies. And then jacks like ahhh yeah im goin to santa fe so long fuckers and then is like never mind actually i wanna come back and kiss Dav- I mean Sarah.

Which is also a hilarious fucking scene to me like that whole last interaction between Dave and Jack is so damn romantic in tone that the only way for the tension to break was with a kiss, so they had to have Sarah come in out of nowhere to kiss Jack 💀 like they knew that shit was leading to something but they couldn’t have the boys kiss obviously so they had to throw a woman in there real quick.

So. tldr. I meant this to be a lot more organized and make a lot more sense than it did but oh well. The reason the musical fails is because it fails to recognize that Dave and Jack are EQUALLY both the main characters, you can’t have one without the other, their partnership is the core force of the plot and story, without both of them you are left with something resembling the story you once knew, but with none of the heart and spirit of the original.

Other Technical Things That Are Bad

i wanted to take a second and just touch on some smaller details that also stood out to me, but are less connected to my central thesis.

Costumes. Oh boy did they fuck that one up on stage. Now to be fair, I’ve only seen the 2017 pro shot and one (1) local children’s production. Not any of the other runs or anything. So I'm only talking about what I’ve seen here. But what I’ve seen is Not Good. There’s already a lot of names and faces flying around in the movie which are hard to keep track of as it is, but everyone looks different enough from the person next to them that you know who your main players are. Each kid has his own way of dressing, unique color palette, accessories, and other styling choices that make them stand out. If you know who you're looking for, you can pick out any named newsie from any of the major ensemble scenes. You can't do that with the show. Everyone is wearing a variation of the same bland shirts and pants, and the color palette is dull gray-brown across the board. I'm not saying you have to go crazy with colors and shit, the costumes in the movie are believably period accurate, but I can still tell Racetrack from Mush without having to squint. (Also hey shout out to whoever decided to do that little red/blue color palette motif on movie Jack and Dave. I see you, and I appreciate you.)

The new songs suck but what can you do :/. Sorry to Alan Menken you ate with the movie my guy but you were just not on your A-game with this one. I didn’t even know it was still Menken doing the music in the stage show honestly, with how different and sucky the new songs were. Personal taste on this one I guess. But I don’t like them. Why does Pulitzer need a song. Literally why. If they had to give any pre-existing character their own song it should've been David! Like literally no question about it, it should have been David. Also why are we doing Santa Fe at the opening?? Did we forget how musicals work?? We never open with the "I want" song! ESPECIALLY if it's a ballad!!

The set. Yeah I’m really here to tear everything down ig, I didn’t know I had this many gripes until I started writing this sorry guys 😭 But yeah it’s not as gooood. And I'm like. ok. I know they were never gonna be able to do anything close to the movie. It’s onstage. They had to make sacrifices. But tell me why it all had to be cool toned?? The movie's color palette is so nice and warm, it feels antiquated but also real, it’s homey and nice. But also unforgiving and rough when it needs to be. They could’ve done that with lighting and shit onstage, changing the tone when it needs to, but instead they opted to throw out the warm tones for mostly cool gray steel backdrops. Whatever. I’m not a set tech. They know better than me.

THAT KID. IS SO MOTHERFUCKING ANNOYING. I AM SO SORRY. BUT IT IS HOW I FEEL. No hate at all to the kid playing Les in the 2017 pro shot, he was just a child he was doing his best not his fault at all. I’m choosing to blame the writing. But also goddamn if that kid's choices for delivery did not grate on my ears. His voice. just. did not sit right with me idk. Les in the movie is such a cute and endearing kid, I always adored him as he reminded me a lot of my own younger brothers. But this kidddd. is so unlikeable it’s like, going PAST annoying unfunny comic relief character straight into “how the fuck did anyone think this was a good idea”.

The ending suuuuuucks boooooo it’s bad I don’t like it I'm kinda running outta steam here but I still got shit to say so fuck it we ball. it’s so over explained that it’s just. just dumb. It just becomes dumb at a certain point. Jack going to do cartoons for Pulitzer??? What??? Don’t get me wrong I actually really love them giving him artistic talent I think that really adds some actually GOOD dimension to his character, but this????? Really????? Everything is just so like *perfectly* wrapped up that it totally destroys my suspension of disbelief. In the movie it’s definitely very wish-fulfilling and unrealistic, but it’s from the perspective of kids. It’s exactly as a kid would perceive it. And we don’t see exactly how the conceding of Pulitzer goes down and we SHOULDN’T!! Because then it gets all bogged down with the logistics of it all which is exactly what happened to the play! We don’t need all the details, we just need to know they won.

This one isn’t a gripe actually because I apparently DO have love in my heart: I love musical Crutchie. I love him, I love him so much my sweet boy. I love him being Jack’s little brother I love them having that deeper connection. I love Crutchie in the movie so to see him getting more screen time (so to speak) is just lovely. The one change I agree with. I love you forever Crutchie.

ok i’ve been writing for hours and my hands gonna fall off so im done now. if i think of anything else…well, you’ll just have to wait for my video essay i guess.

#this is. so much more than i thought i had to say on this.#i hope this doesnt come off as too preachy or anything also #i know when i get going abt shit i like i can get my head stuck up my ass by sounding like the only guy who can know shit about dick 💀#so yes take this all with a grain of salt im kinda dumb and i also know nothing.#this is just my take on shit and whats been bouncing around my head for the last several days #also pls dont take offense to any of this i am never gonna shit on anyone for enjoying something if you love the musical then by #all means go off king. you do you forever #also i've never really been that involved with newsies fandom i've just been reading yalls fics for years. silently. like a ninja. so hiiii #hows it goin nice to meet yall #newsies #92sies #livesies #jack kelly #david jacobs #javid #jack talks

36 notes · View notes