#(not wanting that kind of friendship for ANYBODY and trying real hard to form a genuine connection !! and succeeding !! but the guilt

[spiinsparks]

         ||. don’t mind me screaming, crying, dying over how freakin complicated Sonic’s bond with the Forces Rookie would have been. Genuine friendship blooming from shared trauma, and only starting because of Sonic’s own insistence at running away from his problems? Yes.

[tfdtreasurer]

Since you said you like Eridan ships How do you feel about EriKar? (Eridan x Karkat) Do you think they'd be better if they were pale or flushed?

Oh boy, this is my own issue, but you have no idea how insanely difficult this question is to answer concisely for me!

Pale

So here's the thing: Pale Erikar isn't my jam, I'd still call it underrated, and most importantly there really isn't much for me to say that hasn't already been said more eloquently and in more detail in the Eridan Essay Here. While I disagree with a lot of its conclusions, they're still well justified, including the case it makes for pale Erikar. In fact, it makes such a good case that I often find in my own analysis reasonable additions to its case.

However, half of this blog's reason for existing, besides being inspired by it, is standing up for Kanaya in response to it. I will not tolerate her persecution and being misunderstood. But to be clear that's just a silly little kanaya quote, we're all having fun here. To my understanding, the writer of that essay doesn't want to engage with the fandom as a whole, and good heavens do I get that. That being said, I come from a different philosophy of analysis that sees all existing scholarship as something to either be supported or refuted, so that knowledge in a discipline (Eridanomics) as a whole may be advanced. Meaning, a lot of my analysis may implicitly, explicitly, or just incidentally respond to claims made in that essay or on that blog. To be clear, this kind of thing is critically dependant on respectful engagement, and I would never want to appear aggressive in responding. If you try to pass on anything of my analysis to them while being disrespectful to them, you are absolutely dead to me.

That all being said, I mainly find it hard to imagine anybody specifically as Karkat's moirail, because in my opinion he was meant to be everybody's moirail. Much like his ancestor's transcendent relationship with the Disciple, he'd have very nontraditional quadrants. With him as the leader of the trolls, part of that role would be to be everybody's better half, as well as the one that can control and pacify his group as a whole, rather than just individuals. In that way, the irony of Karkat is that although he's kind of the rom com guy, he lends himself best to platonic versions of the quadrants that aren't as exclusive and committal. So while it's not really what you're asking, I do very much like semi-pale (friendship?) Erikar. But, if I woke up tomorrow having completely forgotten about my leader as omnimoirail idea, I'd very much like normal pale Erikar. Not as much as Erikan, but still. Alright long way around but we got to it: Pale Erikar good 👍.

Flushed

I haven't really given much thought to flushed Erikar yet, which means it's time to!

...

After giving it some thought, I think there's a dynamic that can make flushed Erikar fun storytelling: A deliberately obnoxious power couple performance. You have two characters that aren't just interested in finding love, they're interested in the optics and appearance of love. They match pretty well in bombast, vulgarity, rudeness, and hostility, and are just generally loud and forceful personalities, all of which ensures that others are constantly aware of a matespritship that they deliberately craft to be as conspicuous as possible. They're naturally inclined to the theatric, from Karkat's love of romantic movies to Eridan's self-professed melodrama. Everything they do is made more extreme than it needs to be. Their loving public displays of affection to their fights, they play it all up. To a point where to others, everything about them is too fantastic, too artificial to be real, like they're just playing out cheesy tropes, because in part they are.

And that's where the dynamic has its cute twist. Where other people might see superficiality, they see a form of affection that they love doing and receiving. All their heightened drama is just their unique way to demonstrate their love for each other. Behind closed doors, when nobody is paying attention, they can seamlessly switch modes from performative intensity to something even more sweet in its subtlety. The juxtaposition between their public and private personas is to them, the strongest evidence of their genuine love for one another. The hypothetical audience is allowed to savor in the dramatic irony of how they alone can listen in on the dialogue that occurs between them under their breath, as other characters either believe the facade or think they see through it. Description or depiction of their publicized affection take on a whole new meaning when the audience is aware of the nuance behind it.

As people can probably tell by now, for me shipping is all about the story that can be told, and you can easily add another layer to that one. Make it a romance that does actually start out as fake and loveless, but in which real feelings develop over time. A slow burn that other characters perceive as a whirlwind romance. Karkat, perhaps grappling with a cynical view of leadership, seeks to make himself appear as more legitimate by having a romantic partner, one that he wouldn't actually need to manage. Eridan, lonely and desperate just to be perceived as being desired by somebody else, jumps at her opportunity to play the role. In the process of crafting and maintaining their power couple facade, bam, genuine feelings. Genuine feelings that they might not even be mutually aware that they share, leading to the fun scene of a confession of love well into a relationship.

Man, I really like that now. I initially thought I'd finish this ask by saying I like pale more than red, but in the process of writing it out, I fell in love with that dynamic and I can honestly say I value it higher than pale. How ironic, that in my construction of a fiction I fall in love with it. Anyways good going to both you and another anon of an upcoming ask for making me think this one out. Flushed Erikar just got upgraded to "works really well" tier.

[coraniaid]

(Answering @badwolfwho1's questions for this character ask game; three of four.)

Cordelia

5 What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

...yeah, this is just because of that scene in The Puppet Show, sorry. But I do think it's kind of arc-appropriate that Buffy's Shadow Self Cordelia sings a song about not wanting to live in anybody's shadow and then (eventually) leaves town.

12 What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Not exactly original to me but I think I am increasingly an ace Cordy truther. 

I know there are other explanations for some of the way she’s written in Buffy and that, in the high school years in particular, the writers really don’t seem to like to suggest that any of the women on the show might have any interest in sex as such (which is probably the real reason Xander spends more time talking about how physically attractive Willow’s boyfriend Oz is than Willow herself ever manages, tempting as it is to think of that as deliberate bisexual Xander / lesbian Willow foreshadowing).  

But Cordelia especially seems particularly confused (and occasionally actively repulsed) by the mere idea of sexual desire (“does looking at guns really make girls want to have sex?” she asks Xander in Innocence, while surrounded by guns herself, “That’s scary.”; “I get it!” she announces while Faith is talking to Buffy about the side-effects of Slaying, before quickly clarifying “Not the horny thing.  Yuck.”) despite the show also being clear that Cordelia has definitely had sex (among other things, there’s the story she tells about “a friend, not me” who had sex in her car and “kicked the gearshift”  in the health class in Bad Eggs). The general impression is, I feel, pretty striking (but, yeah, absolutely unintentional).

20 Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

In canon I really like Cordelia’s emergent friendship with Angel. No offense meant to the Cangel shippers, I just don’t really see the appeal of their relationship being romantic (and, for other reasons, I don't like the seasons where it's suggested that it might be, so it's not a take I'm normally exposed to much).  I said in a recent post that Angel doesn’t really exist in Buffy except as Buffy’s boyfriend (sometimes Cordelia or Faith might express some interest in him, but they are very clearly only doing so because he is Buffy’s boyfriend).  So it’s nice that Angel gets to be something more like a real person in his own show, and to form relationships with people that don’t have anything to do with Buffy anymore.  

(I know that many people on here like to suggest that Buffy and Cordelia would have remained friends after Cordelia left Sunnydale, but canon doesn’t really support that at all and I don’t think I see it either – I think post-high school Buffy and Cordelia would both see each other as representative of an old life they’re trying to move beyond and probably not make any effort to stay in touch -- it's noteworthty that when either of them talk about each other post-Graduation Day, which almost never happens, they do so fairly dismissively.)

Beyond canon, I think Anya and Cordelia would have gotten on well and I think it’s a shame (and slightly hard to explain in any in-universe way) that they never interact after The Wish.  Surely Cordelia is (from Anya’s perspective) the whole reason Anya is a human!  From her perspective, she’s the first person in a thousand years whose wish she was unable to grant, and trying to do so cost her her powers.  The only reason Anya can have for not being slightly obsessed about her is the fact she knows Cordelia is going to be written out of the show soon.  And equally Cordelia, post-Lovers Walk, is very clearly badly in need of a friend: that's why she starts talking to and hanging out with Anya in the first place!  And yet, after The Wish, nothing.  Feels like a wasted opportunity.

[msweebyness]

Class of Heroes AU: Pet Peeves

These are the things that really grind the gears of our hero kids! As always, credit to @imsparky2002 and @artzychic27! Mega thanks to Sparky, who helped come up with a lot of these! Keep an eye out for the matching villains post!

Marinette: Sexism of any shape or form drives her absolutely mad with fury. When she’s told she can’t do something solely because of the fact she is female, she will go to just about any length to prove that person wrong! She also can’t stand it when people cheat or “act dishonorably”.

Adrien: Due to his past with his ‘father’, Adrien finds it incredibly difficult to forgive someone when he feels they’ve taken advantage of him. Manipulating him or using him for personal gain is a surefire way to lose his friendship for good.

Alya: Laziness and people who refuse to do their share of the work are the bane of Alya’s existence. Success is earned through hard work and she refuses to put up with anyone sitting out on their responsibilities. And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll use proper table manners in her company!

Nino: Nino feels incredibly insulted and undervalued when people don’t show any thanks for him helping them with his magic. He also loathes anybody who puts their own desires over everything else, selfishness goes against his very nature as a fairy godsibling. (He also strongly objects to anyone touching his wings without permission, a sign of extreme disrespect to a fairy!)

Max: With the amount of work and dedication he puts into all of his inventions, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Max becomes highly agitated if anyone tries to take credit for his creations or use them for unethical purposes. It also rubs him the wrong way when people (*cough* Royals *cough*) try to push their homework off on him.

Kim: The young demigod has a burning hatred for bullying or harassment of any kind. Due to his own past being an outcast in his hometown, he can’t stand by when anyone else is being mistreated similarly. (And if you don’t want to be put through a wall, DRINK YOUR RESPECT WOMEN JUICE.)

Alix: A guaranteed way to anger this young street rat is to mistreat those younger and weaker than you. Alix can’t bear to see children being harmed in any way, especially those forced into the streets like herself! It’s also unwise to mock her for her kleptomania, if you want to get your belongings back, at least…

Ivan: Ever since making real friends who actually respect and care about him, Ivan is far less willing to put up with being mocked and treated as a freak. (It’s also a bad idea to ask invasive questions or make rude comments about his back condition. DON’T call him a hunchback.)

Mylene: It just breaks Mylene’s heart when she’s forced to watch her darling animal friends be mistreated in any way, shape or form! The creatures of the woodlands have feelings too, and if you want to stay on this princess’ good side, you’ll treat them with the respect and care you ought to!

Juleka: The resident cursed of the hero classes is, quite frankly, sick and tired of people regarding and treating her as some manner of frightful and dangerous monster based on her appearance. Oh, and unless you happen to be Rose, touching her fur and horns is a BIG No-No.

Rose: Rose believes strongly in compassion and understanding being extended to everyone, no matter who they are or what they look like. Because of this, the quickest way to set her off is to mock or belittle someone else for being ‘different’. Especially if the person being mocked happens to be Juleka!

Sabrina: Stemming from terrible past experiences and perhaps a bit of envy about others not needing to worry about their appearances being altered, Sabrina carries a burning hatred for being deceived in any way. If she catches you in a lie, pray to whatever you believe in that Aurore is nearby to calm her down!

Nathaniel: If you value your existence on this Earth, do NOT make any attempt to wake this boy up before his body is ready. You will regret it. It’s also a BAD idea to mess with or insult his artwork in any capacity.

Chloé: Before she started putting in the effort to improve herself as a person, the young heiress went batty when anyone refused to do as she pleased or stood up to her in any way. Post-redemption arc, she tends to snap when anyone brings up her old ways or accuses her of faking kindness.

Zoé: This young royal cannot stand to walk into a room and find it in disarray! You could call Zoé a bit of a neat freak, nothing drives her up the wall more than when people neglect to clean up after themselves. Honestly, it’s just common courtesy!

Marc: One could say that the heir to the throne of Arendelle has a bit of a thing about his personal space. Especially when he’s upset, it’s a good idea to give him a wide berth unless you’re one of his friends. Also, DON’T touch his gloves!

Ondine: She absolutely can’t stand when people don’t show respect for her home, the water, where her family still lives. Seeing people leave their trash on the beach or dump toxic fluids into a river will infuriate her. It also upsets her quite a bit when someone mentions going fishing or eating fish.

Kagami: Stubborn and rebellious to her core, the archery-proficient princess can’t STAND being given orders, especially ones that go against what she believes in! If you try to fence her in, she’ll fight you to the bitter end!

Aurore: Being a fairy of the night sky, Aurore’s purpose in life is to watch over and guide others in being their best selves. As such, any kind of rule-breaking or wanton misbehavior irks her like you wouldn’t believe! (Also, don’t touch her wings without asking. Like I said, it’s a fairy-respect thing!)

Mireille: The princess of the Pride Lands is almost a full-grown lioness, and she can’t STAND it when people coddle her as if she’s still a mere cub! Yes, she’s had some bad things happen and yes, maybe she still has things to learn, but she can take care of herself just fine, thank you very much! (Also: NO CAT JOKES.)

Jean: If there’s one thing that you just don’t do, it’s throw off Emperor Jean’s groove! He puts so much time and effort into each of his performances that to have someone kill his mojo is a sacrilege of epic proportions! Now he’s gonna have to start all over! (He is also, like Marc, NOT the biggest fan of people besides his friends touching him!)

Denise: Having had to put up with this treatment since they were programmed into existence, Denise is just about at the end of their rope with being labeled as a “bad guy” for even the smallest of mistakes. (It’s also not very smart to move their belongings without telling or asking them.)

Simon: If there’s one thing this Neverland native finds supremely annoying, it’s a stick-in-the-mud! (Outside of his home, at least) Life doesn’t last forever, so why would you waste it being a big ol’ grouch? (Also, don’t treat him like a kid. He’s a lot more mature than you think!)

Ismael: Ismael, like Nino and Aurore, has a real problem with people not showing gratitude for the wishes he grants. But what really makes him angry is when people don’t honor the promises they make. (One too many finders before Alix came along gave him their word to free him with their final wish, only for that to never come to pass…)

Reshma: Reshma will go absolutely postal when anyone mocks her for her perfectionist tendencies, ESPECIALLY being called anything close or related to ‘Little Miss Perfect’. Is it her fault that she was held up as the ‘golden child’ of her family her entire life? (And if you have any sense, you’ll take proper care of your plants!)

Cosette: Cosette finds it incredibly insulting when people diss their music by calling it shallow and meaningless based solely on the fact that it happens to fall under the ‘Pop’ umbrella. Music is music, what matters is the heart, not the genre.

Lacey: Again, DON’T TOUCH THE WINGS. Lacey also cannot put up with being confined in any sort of small space. This fairy needs room to move, so closets and crawl spaces are a definite ‘NO’. (She’s had some right nasty experiences with a few of her and Simon’s pirate foes back in Neverland…)

As usual, leave thoughts and opinions in the comments and reblogs! Love and hugs! (Keep an eye out for more of our Mirrorverse crossover!)

[agentwhalesong]

Delirious

Originally posted as a chapter of a longer fic that I decided to do away with. You can also read it on ao3.

Delirious

I wouldn’t put myself on the line for anybody but you.

How fast things change, he thought, a small smile surprising him as he drove home through empty streets and avenues.

Why was he smiling? His subconscious was telling him he knew why, but his conscious mind wouldn’t let him see the truth, or even try to see it all a little clearer.

Oh god, he was indeed delirious; Scully took over that stakeout right on time.

Scully.

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t been curious about her since she first stepped into his office.

No, no, it was even before that. He had been curious about her from the moment her file happened upon his table as a reminder that he was going to get a partner he didn’t ask for. Why was she being sent to spy on him when she had so many remarkable credentials? Why now?

He had had those and many other questions running around his brain at the time, but the most important one came after they were formally introduced: Why did her first handshake and her kind introductory smile unexpectedly send a jolt of energy throughout his body? He had been so taken aback by that feeling that he had buried it into the back of his mind, so deeply that it only surfaced in times like these, when he was too sleepy to fight it.

He couldn’t help wondering sometimes if she had felt the same—that jolt of energy— and if her thoughts about him had changed since that first day.

He sped through another traffic light and was just a few blocks away from home. It wouldn’t be long now until his couch would welcome him into its comfortable arms and make him forget whatever it was that his mind was making him feel just because of a single sentence.

I wouldn’t put myself on the line for anybody but you.

It had come as a surprise for he wasn’t used to seeing this side of her, this side that was brutally honest about her feelings. Did his surprise show when he stupidly replied with “If there is an ice tea in that bag, it could be love”?

Where had that come from, anyway? And where would have their conversation gone if she had indeed brought ice tea?

He didn’t mean love in the romantic sense of the word, of course not, but love in any form was not exactly a feeling he was used to. In his mind, love always came hand in hand with pain, so he saw her friendship as life’s way of telling him that it didn’t always have to be like that.

Sometimes it was hard to believe that she kept choosing him every time even when other chances and paths presented themselves. It was not every day that someone chose to keep working with him instead of being transferred to another division and being with the real living people—agent Colton wasn’t very happy about that one, for Mulder’s delight—and it was certainly not every day that someone chose him over a date with a guy that she seemed to like. Thoughts for another day, maybe.

He pulled over and parked at his usual spot in front of his apartment building, making a mental note to call her before falling asleep just to make sure she was going to be okay out there all by herself. Was it really the reason why he wanted to call her, though?

His own incredulous chuckle at his own silent ramblings was what woke him from his reverie and made him realize he was still sitting in his car. Did he really have to walk up all the way to his apartment? Maybe the car would be comfortable enough for the night.

If Scully saw or heard him right now, she would probably put on a cute face and pretend to roll her eyes before saying, “Mulder, you’re crazy”.

You’re delirious. Go home and get some sleep.

Her voice inside his head was strong now, so he got out of the car and shut the door behind him.

It was funny how her voice stayed with him even after she was gone.

Delirious, that he was.

Only delirious Mulder wouldn’t stop himself from thinking of his partner as cute; only delirious Mulder would be so confused to the point he would drive home and then sit in his car thinking about Scully and what her friendship meant to him. He couldn’t help wondering if she thought about him too or if his voice followed her around even after he was gone. He also asked himself if she was still thinking about why he had laughed when she called him by his given name.

He opened his front door and threw his car keys onto the table, his coat following suit and falling haphazardly onto a nearby chair.

Before making his final move to the couch, he opened the fridge to try his luck—he should really start getting better at grocery shopping— and found only one item standing there, waiting for him, a bottle that suddenly brought back a smile to his face and Scully’s voice to his head once again.

It must be fate, Mulder. Root beer.

He took it and walked to the couch, picking up the phone as he passed by it. He pressed number one on his speed dial as he sat and it didn’t take her long to answer.

“Is everything okay, Mulder?”

Her voice was a little dragged and he pictured her rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, I just wanted to make sure everything is okay there.”

“Yeah, Mulder. It’s the same as when you left 20 minutes ago. You should be in bed already.”

He chuckled and fought the urge to reply that he didn’t have a bed. She certainly knew that by now, right? Which reminded him.

“Hey, Scully?” He took a sip of his beverage as he waited for her ‘go ahead’ signal.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry I laughed when you called me Fox.” There was something similar to static on the other end and he could vividly picture her head moving slightly, as she shook her head to say she didn’t mind. He wondered if she too forgot he couldn’t see her due to his image being vivid in her mind as well.

He cleared his throat before continuing.

“It’s just that… sometimes, I feel like I’ve known you my entire life and I forget that there are things about me you don’t know yet.”

He felt his cheeks warm up and he was glad she couldn’t see him, although he couldn’t really understand why he was blushing in the first place.

There was a moment of silence, but he knew she was still there. He heard a sound as if she were swallowing and then her voice.

“I have the same feeling sometimes, that I’ve always known you…”

He could hear some sort of hesitation in her voice, but he could also almost hear a smile.

“Is that ice tea you’re drinking, Scully?”

She chuckled.

“Root beer.”

He raised his bottle as if proposing a toast.

“Same here.”

“What happened to your love of ice tea?”

“I prefer root beer now.”

“Oh well. Ice tea, root beer… it’s all the same in the end.”

He drank from his bottle to try not to think about the meaning behind her words and heard that she did the same. Did her mind go to places it shouldn’t, too?

It was time to hang up before they let sleepiness and the words that usually came with it take over. He had one last thing to say, though.

“Thank you, Scully.”

“What for?”

“For… everything.”

She was silent for a couple of seconds and her voice was a little lower than before when she replied.

“Likewise.”

She hung up first, but he knew she did it only after she was sure no other words were necessary. He placed his bottle on the floor and lied down on the couch, feeling the taste of root beer and love on his tongue. That night, he slept like he hadn’t slept in ages.

[pastelwitchling]

Somebody to You (1/4)

Chapter 1. Hidden Feelings

Alex Manes is Michael's best friend in the entire world. His platonic soulmate, in fact. That's why, when Michael discovers that Alex is in love with him, he panics. Rather than risk the loss of his friendship, Michael begs his brother Max to date Alex instead, and divert his affections. Though hesitant at first, Max agrees for the sake of helping his brother. But what happens when Max realizes that there is more to Alex than he first thought? Romance ensues, and as Max and Alex become closer, Max realizes that what had started as a favor to Michael has turned all too real. The only problem is that Michael never expected Max to actually fall in love. Can Max stay with Alex knowing that their beginning is based on the worst kind of betrayal?

               High school was hard enough without your best friend falling in love with you.

               Not that there was anything wrong with Alex Manes, guys and girls both had to admit he was pretty to look at, but he was Michael’s best friend. When he’d first come out to him last year, Michael had very pointedly not teased the question, You don’t have a crush on me, do you?

               Now, he didn’t know whether or not that had been the right move. If he’d asked, would Alex have blushed and given himself away? Or would he have been insulted? Or would he have rolled his eyes at the question like he did any time Michael said something stupid?

               Maybe if he’d asked, he wouldn’t have found out by accidentally eavesdropping on Alex’s private conversation with Liz. Maybe he wouldn’t have heard Alex’s tears, heard his voice as strung out as it had been, fueled by exhaustion and fear.

               “What if he doesn’t say no?” Liz tried, the words more a plea than an actual consideration to Michael’s ears. He could hear her desperate desire for her own words to be true, and the resignation in the knowledge that they weren’t. “What if he likes you back?”

               “He won’t,” Alex cried, and made Michael’s grip on the music room door handle tighten. “He’ll never talk to me again.”

               “Michael loves you,” Liz insisted. “He’ll love you even if you want something more. Look,” she was speaking more quickly now, “maybe if you tell him, you’ll feel better. Right? That’s why you’re crying, isn’t it? It’s just another huge weight on your shoulders, but if he knows that you’ve loved him since middle school, then – then maybe at least he’ll stop rubbing his one-night stands in your face!”

               She sounded furious at the mention of it. Michael thought about the last blonde, nameless girl he’d had two nights ago, the way he’d latched to Alex’s back the next day, eager to tell him all about it. The way Alex, the dark circles around his eyes darker for reasons other than the eyeliner, had shrugged him off and murmured some excuse about getting to class.

               Shame swelled in his chest until he realized he had nothing to be guilty for. He hadn’t known Alex had feelings for him!

               Oh god, he realized. Alex had feelings for him. His best friend – no, best friend wasn’t enough to describe what Alex was. His soulmate, the very half of his heart, wanted more than friendship from him.

               He swallowed, about to walk away. He shouldn’t be hearing any of this. He shouldn’t know any of it. Then –

               “No,” Alex said. “No, I’m just – I’m just tired.” He sniffled, and Michael imagined him roughly wiping his face with his sleeves. “I don’t want him to know.”

               “Alex –”

               “No, Liz,” he said more sternly, more afraid. “I don’t want him to know. You . . . when I told you, you promised you’d never tell him. You’re not going to –”

               “No,” she breathed, appalled. “No, of course not. I’d never do that.”

               “I know,” he said quietly. “I just . . . please, you can’t say stuff like that. It – I can’t – if he finds out –”

               “Hey,” Liz said softly. “He won’t.”

               “I can’t lose him,” he said and sniffled. “I’m just . . . upset because of my dad. The last thing I want is for Michael to leave me because of a stupid crush.”

               A moment’s pause, then Liz tried, “Alex . . . it’s more than a crush.”

               “Please,” Alex pleaded. “Don’t tell him. I never want him to know.”

               “Okay,” Liz said, and Michael heard shuffling. He dared peek into the room and saw Alex there alongside the piano, his back to the door, Liz’s arms around his shoulders. Her eyes were closed, so she didn’t see Michael. “I promise, I’ll never tell him.”

               Alex hugged her waist, and his body sagged with exhaustion against her. He hummed, but his voice waivered, like he was trying not to cry again.

               Michael had left then, replaying everything he’d heard in his head. Alex liked him. No, Alex more than liked him. What was he supposed to do with that?

               This wasn’t like finding out the local gay guy had fantasies about him. This was finding out the guy he trusted more than anybody, the guy he cherished more than anybody, had feelings for him. It felt like a threat to their friendship.

               Michael slumped against the driver’s side of his truck, his backpack barely hanging off one hand. This was Alex. What was he supposed to do?

               Alex liked him. His response? He clenched his jaw. No fucking way. He didn’t want to be in a relationship with Alex. It was Alex. It wasn’t that he couldn’t see holding his hand and going on dates with him and he’d seen him in the locker rooms. It was no wonder the girls here had had a memorial when they’d found out the hot emo musician only wanted men . . .

               It didn’t matter. He didn’t want anything with Alex. He’d had too many one-night stands and too many nameless, faceless nobodies to know that love was only something that existed in his brother’s books. Getting intimate with someone meant risking losing them.

               He clenched his fists. He would’ve rather died than lose Alex. He opened his truck door and climbed inside. He gripped his steering wheel tightly, unable to start it for a good minute as an unidentified dread settled in the bottom of his chest and climbed up through his heart.

               When he parked in front of the junkyard where old man Sanders let him stay, and he found his brother Max sitting in a lawn chair, he understood what the dread was. It was the same thing he’d heard in Alex’s voice when it seemed like Liz might let his feelings for him slip; Raw fear.

               As he stepped out, millions of worst-case scenarios swarmed his mind. What if Alex decided to tell him the truth? What if he blurted it one day in a fight? What if they were so happy that Alex got the courage to kiss him? What if things ended terribly and they lost each other?

               Max raised a brow at him. “You look like hell. What happened?”

               Michael could only shake his head as he took the seat opposite Max. He was due to work in half an hour, but sometimes Sanders let him rest up if he’d had a long day. And those last few minutes overhearing what he had in the music room had officially made this the longest day ever.

               “Tell me something,” he sighed, leaning his head back and not at all paying attention to the dotted white clouds across the blue sky. “Anything.”

                “Okay?” Max said more in the form of a question. “I – uh – saw Liz today. In the music room. With Alex.”

               He groaned. “Anything else.”

               Max nudged his knee with the back of his hand. “Hey, what’s wrong with you? You look like someone just smashed your guitar.”

               My guitar. The guitar that Alex had given him because Michael had offhandedly mentioned once that music helped ease the noise in his mind. How had he not known then? Alex had paid such special attention to him. He had read his mind and known what his heart had wanted and given it to him when no one else bothered to look past the excitement of getting to rebel under the bleachers with the genius trailer trash.

               How had he not known?

               “I changed my mind,” he said. “Don’t speak. Just let me wallow.”

               “Huh,” Max said. “Isobel’s been a fortress since she joined the Spring Dance committee, and you’re busy falling into your own despair for whatever reason.” He pulled a little brown leather notebook out of his back pocket. “Do any of my siblings have time for me?”

               “I’m not falling into anything,” Michael grumbled. “Why do you have to get so poetic about . . . every . . . damn . . .” he trailed off, his eyes narrowing at the notebook. “Alex has that same notebook.”

               Max hummed noncommittally, leaning back in his seat again and resting the notebook on his lap as he began doodling a rose. “Different colors though,” he said. “His is black. They got mixed up last week when he and I bumped into each other in the school hallway.”

               An idea formed, somewhere in the back of his mind. Like water on ink; something definitely there, but unreadable. He leaned back again, wiping whatever the itch was from his eye.

               “I don’t want to think about Alex right now,” he muttered, though even as he said it, his thoughts taunted him. Alex was all he could think about right now.

               “Whoa,” Max blinked. Even he knew how much Alex and Michael treasured each other. Michael had never said he didn’t want to do something where Alex was concerned. “You guys have a fight or something?”

               “No,” Michael said, though a fight might’ve been easier to deal with. “I found out . . . I heard Liz say . . .” He huffed, closing his eyes. He blurted. “Alex is in love with me.”

               Silence. Michael opened his eyes and saw Max’s expression completely unsurprised. He looked like he was waiting for Michael to get to the point.

               He straightened. “Are you kidding me? You really knew?”

               Max scoffed. “You really didn’t?”

               “No!” he gaped and stood. “He’s my best friend, why would I think he was in love with me?!”

               “Because he’s your best friend.”

               “So?!”

               “So!” Max said like it was obvious. “Alex hates people! Liz and Kyle are his only friends, he barely tolerates me and Isobel, and Rosa Ortecho swears he hissed at her once!” He huffed a disbelieving chuckle. “Before you came along, Liz told me he never said two words to anybody he hadn’t known since before his mom left. You want to take a guess as to why he warmed up to you so quickly?”

               Michael didn’t answer. Max grabbed his arm. “And for the love of god, stop pacing, you’re making me nauseous.”

               He tugged him down onto the lawn chair, and Michael sagged against it. He stared into the distance, lost in his memories of his first meeting with Alex. Alex had been bullied, pushed into a tree and made fun of for stares and feelings he had yet to understand himself. Then Michael had jumped between him and the bullies, waving a tree branch, screaming at them to get away or he would kill them.

               It had been the wildness of his eyes and words, wildness he’d gained from years with monsters for parents, that had unnerved them in the end. Alex had taken his offered hand with wide eyes then, and timidly asked, “You’re not scared of me?”

               Michael had known then that this twelve-year-old had been told too often that he was something unnatural, something wrong, and was expecting it from someone else now. So he’d looked Alex over, as if checking for bruises, and rested the branch on his shoulder like it had been a bat.

               He’d grinned and said, “No fangs or a tail. You look fine to me!”

               After that moment, Alex had followed him everywhere, his eyes never anything less than adoring.

               Michael shut his eyes. How could he have not known?

               A buzzing against his thigh snapped him out of his thoughts, and he pulled his phone out of his pocket. Alex was calling.

               “Shit,” he leapt to his feet, holding the phone at a distance as if afraid that Alex could somehow see him through the camera. “Shit shit shit.”

               “What?” Max followed and his shoulders slumped at the sight of Alex’s name. “Dude, just answer. He doesn’t know you know, remember?”

               “Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, right, yeah.”

               “It’s still just Alex.”

               “Just Alex,” he repeated. “It’s just Alex.” He answered the call, held the phone to his ear, and all but yelled, “Hey!” He winced at himself and Max rolled his eyes.

               “Hey?” Alex asked, laughter in his voice. He didn’t sound like he’d just been crying his eyes out at all. Then it hit Michael. Alex was abused. He was used to hiding his scars. “Why’re you screaming?”

               “I’m not!” he said, then adjusted his volume with a clear of his throat. “I’m – uh – I’m not. What’s up?”

               He loves me. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me.

               Michael, so caught in the thought, completely missed what Alex had asked him. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sorry,” he grit out, “say that again?”

               “Oh, I’m sorry, is the auto shop really busy right now?” Alex asked like he knew the answer. “Pay attention, Guerin, this is important!”

               Of course, Michael had ditched time and time again because they hardly had any cars in around now, and all Sanders did when he was an hour late was yell and grumble, then give him and Alex an extra plate of whatever he’d had for lunch.

               “I asked what time you were coming to my gig tonight,” he said, a little more hesitantly. When Michael didn’t answer, he cleared his throat. “At the – uh – the Wild Pony? Just so I can save you a seat.”

               Michael let his hand with the phone fall, his shoulders slumped. For years, he’d owed that nervous stammer in Alex’s voice, the way he went from confident to shy with just a second of Michael’s silence, to nerves about his gigs. Now he speculated it was because of something else.

               Damn it. He wished he’d never known about Alex’s feelings. He wished he could unhear everything.

               He realized Alex was talking again, and he held the phone to his ear.

               “If you can’t make it,” he was saying, “I get it, I just need to know for the seats, you know?”

               Michael had never canceled on Alex before, but Alex was a little sensitive where his music was concerned. Michael assumed it was because he had a father and brothers who belittled what he did every day, no matter how often Michael told him he loved his songs.

               He gripped the phone tightly. He wondered what Alex would do if he canceled on him now.

               “Michael,” Max mouthed, “talk to him.”

               “Guerin,” Alex huffed a laugh. It sounded forced. “Dude, it’s fine. It’s one gig, I think our friendship will survive.”

               Will it? Michael feared. Will it survive this, Alex? Will it survive feelings that friends shouldn’t have for each other? Will it survive if I can’t help but look into the double meaning of every word you say now?

               He felt oddly frustrated with Alex, like this was his fault somehow. Like he was singlehandedly destroying everything they’ve ever had by wanting more.

               “Is it another gig?” Max asked, nudging his elbow. “Will Liz be there? Ask him if Liz will be there.”

               Michael rolled his eyes, about to snap at his brother that this was not the time. Couldn’t he see that Michael was suffering some emotional turmoil over here?

               “Guerin,” Alex tried again. “Are you there?” He heard a sigh, and Alex mumbled, “Is the reception bad?”

               Michael hated this. He was starting to scare Alex, and it was the very last thing he wanted to do. Max was still asking about Liz, his notebook, just like Alex’s but a different color, in his hand, and Michael clenched his jaw. Max liked Liz, but it would be so much easier for everyone if . . . if . . .

               His eyes widened. The idea that had begun to sink below the depths of his mind surfaced now. Before he could make it out completely, he found himself saying, “Sorry, hang on a second, babe, my brother keeps trying to talk to me.”

               “Oh!” relief flooded Alex’s voice and he chuckled breathlessly. It sounded so much more real, and that hurt Michael all the more. “Yeah, sure! God, Michael, you freaked me out a second there. Yeah, take your time.”

               Michael covered the speaker on his phone and told Max quietly, “I need you to come to Alex’s gig with me.”

               Max’s eyes widened. “Liz will be there?”

               “Doesn’t matter,” Michael said. “I need you to ask out Alex.”

               Max stared a moment, then, “What?”

               Michael held up a finger to his brother and brightened his tone when he told Alex, “Hey, Alex, can I bring Max to your gig tonight?”

               “W-wait,” Max said, “Michael, what’d you mean, ask out Alex? Was that a joke?”

               Michael ignored him as Alex scoffed. “Sure. But you’re definitely coming, right? Because I was totally lying before. If you don’t make it, I’ll never talk to you again.”

               Michael smiled and almost said, Would I ever not show up for you?, realized how Alex might take it, and diverted at the last second.

               “Uh – yeah – see you tonight, then.”

               It was awkward and unnatural for them, but Alex hardly seemed to notice, lost in his own happiness, as he told Michael he’d see him tonight, and hung up.

               He barely met Max’s dark eyes and crossed arms when Max said, “No.”

               “Hear me out –”

               “If your next sentence doesn’t end with, ‘and then everyone will laugh, and it’ll totally take the edge off,’ I don’t want to hear it.”

               “One date!” he begged, following Max back to the chairs and their backpacks. “Just one! Consider it a birthday present to me! For the next five years – no, ten years!”

               “This isn’t a favor, Michael!” Max argued. “I’m not going to ask your best friend out just so you can avoid having to talk about this!”

               “But –”

               “Besides,” Max said, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder, “I’m not gay or bisexual or pansexual or anything. He’d smell a fake a mile away.”

               “You’d totally pass for bisexual!” Michael argued. “Look at you” – he tapped Max’s arms, his chest, his notebook – “you have the whole muscly jock with a tender heart thing going on, come on!”

               Max stared. “Do you hear yourself?”

               “Max,” he urged. “I need you to do this one thing for me! I’d do it for you!”

               “You wouldn’t have to,” Max said. “I don’t pass off people who like me to my brother like a freaking torch.”

               Michael winced, and Max sighed, his expression softening. “And I like Liz, remember?”

               “Then this’ll be the perfect in for you,” he insisted. “Getting close to Alex means getting close to Liz. Then, in – in a month, just until the Spring Dance, you can smooth your way to Liz, and Alex will know the breakup is coming.”

               Michael swallowed thickly before he said, “I know him. He hates being left behind, so he’ll end things first.”

               Max shook his head. “And he’ll be heartbroken. Assuming your plan works. Is that what you want, Michael?”

               Michael hesitated, then, “It’ll just break for a minute.” He added quickly, “Th-then I’ll come in, and he won’t want to date your brother, so he’ll know we’re better off as friends.”

               He pursed his lips a moment, then walked past him. “You’re crazy.”

               Michael clenched his jaw and blocked Max’s path. “I can’t date Alex,” he said fiercely. “I can’t.”

               “He doesn’t know you overheard anything,” Max told him, not unkindly. “Can’t you just . . . play along?”

               Michael shook his head, his fists tight at his side. “It’ll come out,” he said. “I know it will. Please, Max, I . . . I can’t lose him. I need you.”

               Those were the words, Michael knew, that Max could never say no to. Those were the words that he and Isobel used only in extreme cases, when guilt for taking advantage of their brother’s good heart had to be put aside to fix whatever had happened. Michael hated using them, had used them only once before in his life, but knew he had to use them again now.

               Max sighed and looked away, something like resignation settling in the slump of his shoulders. A moment’s pause, then – “Alex hates me.”

��              “No,” Michael breathed, already smiling despite the pinch in his chest that he would’ve rather not thought about. “You said it yourself, he barely tolerates you.” He took Max’s journal and held it up. “And if anyone can make something into something more, it’s a writer.”

               *

               Max wasn’t good at being a boyfriend. Not that he’d ever been anyone’s boyfriend, but that was the problem. He had no idea how to flirt or tease or ask anyone out. It was why he’d spent the better part of the last year pining after Liz Ortecho, stumbling through his hellos.

               Now, for whatever reason, he was prepping himself to ask out someone for the first time in his life. And it was Liz’s best friend. The things he did for his siblings . . .

               As Michael parked his truck outside the Wild Pony, Max thought about the few times he’d seen Alex around town. He was reminded of the Greek mythology stories he loved reading; of Hades, Lord of the Underworld, and how sunlight couldn’t touch him. He was nothing like his brothers who were all on one sports team or another. Who seemed to have no problem being popular.

               Though none of them, he knew, were like Alex. The dark prince, the one everyone wanted to know for his mystery, but the one who didn’t want anyone near him. The one people gave up on because he was too difficult to approach.

               You had to have an in. And, Max supposed, Michael was his in.

               “Remember,” Michael was telling him as they left the truck. “His favorite song is Welcome to the Black Parade, don’t get him a beer until after his set, and whatever you do, do not insult Star Wars. He didn’t talk to Valenti for two days when he thought there were Jedis in Star Trek.”

               Max started to laugh, saw that Michael was watching him expectantly, and huffed. “Would you calm down? I’m the one who gets to worry here. There’s no way Alex will let me come within three feet of him.”

               “I already told you,” Michael said. “You have me. You just think about being your usual charming self –”

               “Is that supposed to be another joke?”

               “—And Alex will be happy to have you.”

               Michael stopped abruptly just as they reached the doors. He turned to Max and pointed a warning finger. “Just don’t kiss him.”

               Max blinked. “Excuse me?”

               “Don’t kiss him,” he repeated seriously. “That’s . . . it’s too far. He deserves to be kissed by someone who . . . really wants to kiss him.” He shook the thought out of his head. “Just – just don’t kiss him.”

               “I won’t kiss him,” Max held his hands up. “I don’t want to anyway.”

               “And don’t talk that way around him,” Michael grit out. “Anyone would be lucky to have Alex.”

               Max looked to the skies for aid. “Then you date him!”

               “I can’t,” was all Michael said, and tugged on Max’s arm. “Come on, you’ll do great.”

               The Wild Pony doors opened to chatter and cowboys and clanking drinks. Max heaved a sigh, tapping his fingers on his thigh. He could do this. He could do this.

               Michael patted his back and went on ahead. Max followed, thinking of what he’d say to Alex when he saw him.

               He considered, “What’s up?”, “How’s it hanging?”, “‘Sup, bro!”, and winced at himself. He needed more time to think of something, but he didn’t have any. He spotted Liz first, and Kyle and Alex beside her. Liz and Kyle were laughing about something, but Alex was focused on his music sheets, his fingers running over the keys as if making sure he knew the song by heart.

               Right then, Max realized what a terrible idea this was.

               “Michael,” he tried, reaching for his brother’s shoulder. “I – I think we should talk about this –”

               “Alex!” Michael called, and went ahead. Max was left stumbling behind him.

               Alex glanced up and smiled at the sight of Michael. “Hey! I saved you a seat up front!”

               Michael looked like he was going to wrap an arm around his shoulders like he usually did, then his smile dimmed and he cleared his throat, patting Alex’s arm in the end.

               “Duh, buddy,” he said. “What are friends for?”

               Alex glanced down for a fraction of a second before his smile returned and he pulled Michael to behind the keyboard to look at his song. It was like Max wasn’t there.

               Michael seemed to notice that, too. He raised his brows pointedly at Max, and Max cleared his throat, stepped forward, and said, “H-hey, Alex.”

               Alex looked up like he thought he heard someone talk to him, and his eyes met Max’s. His brows furrowed and he pressed his lips together, clearly confused as to why Michael’s brother was talking to him.

               “Hi,” he murmured. “So, Guerin, look at this, I used the lyrics you came up with yesterday.”

               “Uh –” Michael barely glanced at the page. “Hope you don’t mind that I brought Max,” he said, pulling Max forward. “He really wanted to hear you sing.”

               Alex narrowed his eyes at Max. “If he’s here to, like, make fun of me or something –”

               “No,” Max said at once. “No, I – I really do . . . like . . . music.”

               Alex stared a moment. Then he looked away, uncomfortable, and took Michael’s hand. He muttered, “Is he coming with us for ice cream after?”

               Michael chuckled and subtly removed his hand from Alex’s. Max could see the flash of hurt in Alex’s eyes before it was gone, and he thought he might’ve imagined it.

               “We’ll see,” Michael said, “about the ice cream, okay?”

               Alex scoffed and bumped their shoulders. “Yeah, okay. The day Michael Guerin says no to ice cream is the day Kyle Valenti gets into med school.”

               “Hey!” Kyle argued.

               “I’m kidding!” Alex laughed. “I knew you were listening in, you freak!”

               Kyle pulled Alex to him, and Michael kept laughing until he whipped around to face Max, then his smile fell away and he hissed, “Work with me here!”

               “I’m trying,” Max hissed back. “I am making him uncomfortable, Michael.”

               “He’s just not used to you talking to him,” he whispered. “Just – just – just . . . move in there!”

               He pushed Max forward, and Max nearly stumbled into Alex’s keyboard. Alex looked startled.

               “Max,” Liz blinked, “are you okay?”

               Kyle tilted his head. “You drunk already, dude?”

               “Uh . . .” Max started, and pointed at the keys. “I like your piano.”

               Alex raised a brow. “It’s actually not mine. It belongs to the bar.”

               “Oh.” Max nodded. “W-Well, you look really cool. I wish I could play the piano, so that’s – that’s really cool.”

               “Thanks?”

               “Can I – uh – can I buy you a beer? After your set?”

               His face burned as Alex stared. Then, while still watching Max apprehensively, Alex called, “Guerin?”

               Michael didn’t answer. Max turned to find that he’d started talking up the first blonde he’d found. Asshole, he thought, clearly looking for any excuse to leave him alone with his best friend.

               He looked back at Alex, and saw that he was watching Michael, too. His shoulders had fallen, and his brows pinched, but there was no surprise in his face. He was so used to Michael ignoring him when a better offer came along.

               He knew he should say something, though he didn’t know what. If Alex thought of Michael as nothing but a friend, this wouldn’t have hurt him.

               Liz then suddenly wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist, tighter and tighter until he burst into laughter. Kyle picked up the music sheets and complained why Alex never played any heavy metal.

               “You dress like you play it,” he said, “is all I’m saying!”

               They were clearly trying to distract him from whatever Michael was doing. Max scratched the back of his head, not knowing what to do himself.

               When the show started, Michael was already in his seat, pulling Max to sit down beside him. Liz clapped the loudest and Kyle offered a thumbs up. Michael kept his arms crossed, as if afraid anything he did would be taken the wrong way. Max could see Alex’s momentary confusion before Mimi DeLuca announced his song.

               Max was looking everywhere, namely at Liz, until Michael nudged his side with his elbow, and Alex started playing. As the first few notes fell together like a soothing waterfall, Max started. He looked to Alex, eyes wide. This was his music? He didn’t know why, but he’d imagined, like Kyle had teased, heavy metal or I-hate-everything ballads. But this . . .

               Not thirty seconds in, Max’s eyes had fallen shut.

               He had no idea how it had happened. One second, he was in a wooden chair at a bar where most of the crowd was laughing and talking over the music. The next, he found himself in a forest, surrounded by pine trees, with a clear lake behind him.

               When Alex started to sing – who knew he had such a smooth voice? – Max then felt the breeze of a desert night across his cheeks, the stars and full moon bright above, the rest of the world turned to peaceful quiet.

               The further along Alex got in his song, the more Max’s fingers itched to write. He couldn’t remember the last time ideas poured into his head like this, the last time he felt his heart swell with the anticipation of creating something.

               This was a song Alex had made up. Had he always had such talent? Max had never been to one of his gig’s before because he’d never been invited. Or he had, and he had been lost in the chattering crowd in the back, not paying attention.

               Now, he had to pay attention. He found it impossible to do anything else. When Alex finished, his friends and Michael stood to applaud. Liz screamed, Kyle whistled, and Michael looked prouder than Max had ever seen him of anybody. Max slowly did the same, staring.

               Alex looked red-faced, but his eyes shone brightly and he smiled widely, like even he could feel the emotion he’d just created. He stepped down, running a hand through his dark hair, and accepted the bottle of water from Kyle with a thanks.

               “Is it over?” he breathed after taking big gulps.

               “Yeah,” Kyle laughed, ruffling his hair and messing it up again. “It’s over, buddy.”

               “That’s my Alex,” Michael said before he could help it, and Max saw the blush deepen in Alex’s cheeks. Michael seemed to have realized his mistake, and handed a cold beer under the table to Max.

               Max hesitated, then held it out for Alex to take.

               Alex looked startled, but he was still smiling. “Thanks,” he murmured, accepting the bottle.

               “So,” Kyle drummed his hands on the table. “Ice cream to celebrate?”

               “Ice cream!” Liz yelled and Alex laughed. He turned to Michael.

               “Ice cream?”

               “Uh . . .” Michael looked over at the blonde he’d been flirting with. She waved to him from across the bar. Max saw the tick in his jaw, the way his fingers curled to fists under the table, and he knew that the last thing Michael wanted to do was cancel on Alex.

               Yet that was what he did.

               “Raincheck?” he said, and nudged his chin at the girl. “I think I’m about to live the Rockstar fantasy.”

               Liz frowned, disapproving. “But you’re not the Rockstar. Alex is.”

               “Well, the girls have to go somewhere,” he shrugged, already walking backwards. “If any guys show up, I’ll send ‘em your way, babe.”

               “O-Oh,” Alex’s brows pinched. “Okay . . .”

               “Max can take my place!” he offered, and turned his back to them. “See you tomorrow!”

               “Jackass,” Kyle muttered.

               Max opened his mouth to defend Michael, not knowing what he’d say exactly, when Alex said, “He’s just been really stressed out lately. He – he has all those honor classes. I think he should let off a little steam.”

               Liz did not look like she agreed. “Alex . . .”

               “It’s okay, really,” he said, then managed a smile that did not reach his eyes. “More for us, right?”

               Max stared. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

               “Of course I do,” Alex said simply, and looked at Michael’s retreating form with a forlorn look. “He’s my best friend.”

                 Alex seemed distracted. No matter how much Liz and Kyle tried to pull him into conversation, the best he could manage was a smile that even Max could tell was fake. Max felt kind of bad for him. He seemed to really be trying his best to cheer up, but every time a blonde girl or any straight couple passed, his mood dimmed again, like he couldn’t help but wonder what Michael was doing now.

               Not knowing what else to do, Max nudged his arm and asked the only question he could think to. “Did you really write that song you sang tonight?”

               Alex looked confused as to why Max would ask him anything, and he shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah.”

               Max shook his head. “That’s so cool,” he breathed. “It – I mean, it was really good.”

               Alex checked to make sure Liz and Kyle were too caught up with each other to hear them, then said, “Okay, what’s your deal, Evans? Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?”

               Max frowned. “I’ve always been nice to you.”

               Alex raised a skeptical brow. “You’ve always been polite. And that’s only because I’m friends with your brother. I know you’re as scared of me as everyone else.”

               “That’s not true!” Max said at once. “I’m scared of everyone!”

               Alex blinked, and Max realized too late what he’d said. He blushed and looked down, expecting to be laughed at. When he heard Alex huff an incredulous chuckle, he shut his eyes tight, humiliated.

               Then he said, “You? Mr. Perfect?”

               “I’m not perfect.”

               Alex scrunched his nose. Max was reminded of a kitten. “Aren’t you though? Tall, dark, and handsome,” he nudged his chin at the notebook poking out of Max’s back pocket. “And you write.”

               Max smirked. “But you’re all of those things.”

               Alex blinked, startled, and Max could’ve sworn he saw a pink tint across his cheeks. Maybe it was just too dark.

               Max cleared his throat and went on. “You should know then, better than anyone, that it doesn’t matter how good-looking you are. Sooner or later, some people just give up trying to get close to you.”

               “Is that what you’re doing?” Alex scoffed halfheartedly. “Trying to get close to me?”

               He wouldn’t look at Max as he said it, as if he was sure that was not what was going on. It made Max’s words come out more smoothly than he’d expected. “Yes. It is.”

               Alex stopped, surprised. Max also stopped and faced him. He could see Liz and Kyle stop out of the corner of his eyes, and prayed they couldn’t hear him.

               When he spoke, the lie left his lips with a little more trouble. “I like you, Alex. I – I always have. I’ve wanted to talk to you for years, but I . . . I’m not good at . . .” he gestured at his entire self, as if to say everything about him was an obstacle.

               “That’s why Michael brought me to the show tonight,” he said. “He knew I’ve wanted to talk to you forever. And I finally got to.”

               Alex stared, his expression unreadable. For a terrifying moment, Max wondered if he saw through the charade. Then he said, “You like me?”

               He said it more like a statement, a dare. Max could only nod once, gripping his notebook so tightly his knuckles turned white.

               Then he saw it. The doubt and suspicion behind Alex’s eyes. Alex sighed and kept walking. “Then let’s see how long,” he said, “until you give up, too.”

               *

               Max Evans stared. A lot.

               Alex was not new to people watching him. Everyone was usually curious about the youngest of the Manes brothers until they realized just how different and unapproachable Alex was, and then their curiosity’s limit showed.

               But the longer Max stared, the more curious he seemed to become. If he wasn’t glancing at Alex’s hair or eyeliner, he was looking at Alex’s bracelets, the rings on his fingers, the drawings on his shirt, his necklace, his nail polish.

               Alex felt like he was being studied. It was weird. He wished Michael was here to get Max to stop staring. He wished he could snap at Max to look away, but the guy was like a walking cinnamon roll. It was impossible to get angry at him without feeling bad.

               When Alex ordered his Neapolitan ice cream, Max not only insisted on paying for it, but offered a spoon of his own lemon sherbet cup for Alex to try.

               “Don’t you have, like, hundreds of other friends you could be spending Friday night with?” Alex finally asked.

               “Just my brother and sister,” Max confessed, picking at his sorbet. “Hey, since it’s Saturday tomorrow, y-you want to do something?” Then, as if it was an afterthought, added, “Together.”

               “No,” Alex grumbled around his spoon.

               “Why not?”

               “Because I always spend Saturdays with Michael,” he said, and immediately longed for Michael again. He wondered if he was having a lot more fun than Alex was right now. He tried not to think any harder about where Michael might be.

               “Oh,” Max said quietly. Alex glanced at him and saw that he was awkwardly tipping the melted part of his sherbet into his mouth. His lips twitched before he quickly schooled his features.

               He thought that would be the end of that conversation, but then Max asked, “If he cancels, you wanna do something?”

               Alex frowned. “Why would you think he’d cancel?”

               “Just . . .” he shrugged. “He kinda does what he wants, you know?”

               “Michael never cancels on me,” Alex bit back.

               He nodded, but wouldn’t look at Alex again. “Sorry.”

               Alex faltered. There it was, that guilt again. Saturdays belonged to him and Michael. He didn’t want anyone else coming along. He continued quietly eating his ice cream. At least maybe now Max would know to give up this ridiculous chase.

               “Well, maybe Sunday then?”

               Alex blinked and looked up. “W-What?”

               Max was smiling nervously, swirling the contents of his sherbet. “There’s – well, there’s this museum for fine art pieces. I – I heard it’s really cool, I’ve been meaning to go, but Isobel and Michael don’t really . . . like paintings and sculptures.” He shook his head. “Sorry, I know you must not either, I – I don’t know why I thought you would –”

               “Paintings?” Alex couldn’t help but ask. “Like Potthast? And Einaudi?”

               Max blinked. “Y-You know about them?”

               “I mean,” Alex scrunched his shoulders. “I’m not an idiot. I love any artist who pours themselves into their work. It’s” – he blushed – “inspiring.”

               Max perked up. “Right?! I’d do anything to be a writer, you know? Seeing people love something as much as I love books, it kind of makes me feel like . . .”

               “Like it all has to mean something,” Alex finished, smiling to himself. “I can’t love it this much for nothing.”

               Max huffed a laugh. He looked surprised, his cheeks tinted pink. “Yeah! Yeah, exactly . . .”

               Neither of them said anything for the next minute. Alex rubbed the sole of his shoe against the pavement and cleared his throat.

               “I mean,” he finally said, “I guess . . . if I’m really not doing anything Sunday . . . I can come. B-But only if Michael’s coming, too! I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

               Max didn’t say anything, and Alex chanced a glance at him to see he had a small smile.

               “What?” he demanded. “I said I’d – I’d come. M-Maybe!”

               Max nodded. “Er – can I have your number?”

               Don’t do it, Alex thought. Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it. Max was just a stranger.

               But he’s not a complete stranger, he reminded himself. He was Michael’s brother, and if Michael was letting him get this close to their tight little group, then he must’ve trusted that Alex was safe around him. And he could trust Michael more than anyone to look after him. He knew he could.

               “Yeah,” he said, handing Max his phone without looking at him. He saw Liz and Kyle watch him from across the street where they were twirling around a lamppost. They were tilting their heads and smirking, like they knew something he didn’t.

               Alex cleared his throat, and, as if his friends could hear him, added in a mutter, “Whatever.”

               Even Max smiled at that.

               *

               The next morning, Max woke to knocking on his window. He saw Michael and leapt out of bed, letting him in.

               “Can’t you knock like a normal person?”

               “Didn’t want to wake anyone else up,” he said. He smelled like he’d spent all of last night drinking, but his curls were wild, like he’d walked for hours in the desert instead of lying in someone’s bed.

               He nudged Max aside and sat cross-legged on his bed, shoes and all. “Tell me about Alex,” he said. “How’d last night go?”

               Max put his pillows up and slumped against them. “Fine. Good. Okay, I guess. He was mostly quiet the whole time. Did you have to blow him off like that?”

               Michael looked down and clenched his jaw. “Don’t remind me,” he grumbled. “I hated not being there. The whole time she was talking in my ear, I was trying not to get her to gag on me. I almost called Alex like fifty times!”

               He shook his head, as if eager to be rid of the memory. “Forget me. So he didn’t say anything the entire night?”

               “No,” Max said. “He did. I got him talking about music and other artists and stuff. I even asked him out to the museum today, just like you said.”

               Michael clapped him on the shoulder, happy. “Yeah? Max Evans, you sly dog!”

               Max couldn’t share in his enthusiasm. Would Michael have been so happy if he’d seen the look on Alex’s face last night? The way he defended him even when it was clear that his own heart was breaking?

               “Yeah,” Max said, rubbing his eye. “Said no.”

               “Well,” Michael shrugged a shoulder, “it’s not like he was going to fall in love with you in a few hours.”

               “Actually,” Max said, “he said he might be able to come tomorrow. He can’t today because you guys usually hang out on Saturdays.”

               Michael raised a brow. “Oh yeah?” He hummed, studying the blanket. After a long few minutes, he said, “I might . . . just call him and –”

               “Er –” Max cut him off, “he was pretty adamant that you would never cancel on him. Even after . . . you kind of already did.”

               Michael’s shoulders slumped, and he looked away. He muttered, “Yeah?”

               “Yeah, Michael,” Max sighed. “Look, can’t you just talk to him about this? It looks like he really cares about you, I’m sure if you told him what you heard –”

               “He’d hate me,” Michael said. “Imagine finding out that the one person you like knows you like them, and it makes them uncomfortable. Would you ever be able to look them in the face again?”

               Max pressed the heel of his palm into his eye. “And you’re sure you don’t like Alex like that? At all?”

               Michael looked up, holding his brother’s gaze. Max had never seen him so fierce. “I can’t date him, Max.”

               “Why not?” Max said. “You don’t think your relationship would survive a breakup?”

               “I can’t risk it,” he said. “I won’t.”

               Max almost pointed out that that wasn’t an answer, but decided not to. “Fine, well,” he laid back down and turned his back to Michael, trying to fall asleep again. “He’s not going anywhere with me on a Saturday, so see you tomorrow.”

               Michael did not leave, or say anything for a good long while. Then Max heard shuffling, and tapping. He peeked an eye open and saw Michael texting. Immediately, the look on Alex’s face last night hit him and he sat up.

               “What’re you doing?” he demanded, reaching for Michael’s phone. Michael kept himself out of reach. “Michael, I told you, if you cancel –”

               “I’m not canceling,” Michael murmured, brows pinched. “Just texting someone.” His finger hovered over the screen a moment before he hit send. “There,” he said, pocketing his phone. He didn’t look any happier than he’d been seconds ago. “Now Alex will be the one asking you out.”

               Max’s shoulders slumped. “What’d you do?”

               Michael didn’t answer, but the guilt on his face said it all. He was about to break Alex’s heart.

               *

               Alex had woken early. Last night he’d climbed through his window to his father banging on his door. He’d managed to sneak under the covers and play asleep the second Jesse had burst through, but he knew his luck wouldn’t last.

               It hadn’t mattered, because there was nothing that was going to keep him from an entire day with Michael. So he’d risen early, forgotten about breakfast at the risk of running into his father and being trapped inside again, and just had water from the hydro flask he kept by his bed – he didn’t care, he would eat later with Michael. He’d thrown on his favorite skull and crossbones t-shirt, his silver skull choker, and his rings.

               He felt silly fixing his hair in the mirror, running his hand through it so that the strands looked windswept. It wasn’t hard, as his hair rarely stayed down neatly. He’d learned to live with it.

               Michael wouldn’t ever like him like he liked girls, he knew that, but maybe . . . maybe some part of him might find Alex attractive. Maybe he might look at him differently without realizing that he was looking at him differently.

               It was dumb, but he could hope.

               At least, he had hoped until Michael met him in front of their favorite coffeeshop with his arm around Maria DeLuca’s shoulders. Alex had been holding two coffees, a caramel macchiato for him and a mocha for Michael, because he loved chocolate. He’d nearly dropped them at the sight.

               “Hey!” Michael called.

               “Uh – hey, Alex,” Maria smiled awkwardly. “Guerin,” she said, “I thought we were hanging out today.”

               “We are!” Michael smiled widely, taking his coffee and handing it to her. “With Alex! I always spend Saturdays with Alex.”

               “B-But . . .” Alex looked between them. He could feel his heart slowly sinking into his stomach. He pressed his lips together in a quick smile to Maria and tugged Michael aside by his sleeve. “What’s going on?” he whispered. “We always spend Saturdays together.”

               Michael tilted his head. “We are together.”

               “Alone,” Alex insisted. “Just you and me, remember? We’ve never invited anyone else. And . . . Guerin, Maria?”

               Michael laughed. He was laughing far too easily, and smiling way too much. He knew that of all people, bringing Maria would be a real sting. Didn’t he care about how Alex felt? And today of all days?

               “Come on, Alex,” he said. “I’m just trying to have a little fun here.”

               Alex felt like he’d just been slapped. “S-So being with me isn’t fun?”

               Michael rolled his eyes like he thought Alex was messing around. Alex, horrifically, thought he might cry.

               “Am I supposed to turn down a hot girl for you?” he said, taking Alex’s coffee and having a sip. “Seriously, so Maria’s coming. What’s the big deal, right? I mean, it’s not like we’re dating.”

               He reached out to pat Alex’s shoulder, but Alex flinched back, away from his touch. For a split second, Michael’s face fell and he looked mortified. But it was gone so quickly that Alex was sure he must’ve imagined it.

               He felt guilty, and dramatic, and pathetic. He felt cast aside, unwanted. All of that was okay, he was used to it. Maybe not from Michael, never from Michael, but he was used to it.

               So he did what he always did when he was reminded just how worthless he was. He forced his chin up, exhaled shakily, and kept his words steady. “I actually just remembered that Max wanted to go to a museum thing today.”

               Michael was still smiling. It felt wrong, but Alex couldn’t look at him too long to read into it. “Oh yeah?”

               “Yeah,” Alex took another few steps back. He couldn’t remember ever wanting to be away from Michael, but at this moment nowhere felt far away enough. “He sounded like he really wanted me to go with him, but I had to say no because of today.” He moved further away. “I really wanted to go, too, to be honest. It sounded cool.”

               “Yeah?” Michael sounded quieter. Maybe that was just because of the distance between them.

               “So if you’re going to hang out with someone else, then I guess it’s okay if I go, too?”

               Michael didn’t answer for a minute. “Yeah. No, yeah, that’s great. Works out for both of us, huh?”

               Alex turned around so Michael didn’t see his face fall. “Yeah,” he said, and began walking away. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

               Before Michael could say anything else, Alex pulled out his phone. He wouldn’t dial until he rounded the corner and was out of Michael’s sight. He fell back against the wall, his legs giving out under him. He held the phone to his forehead, breathing deeply.

               Kyle, he knew, was on a camping trip for the weekend with his dad. Liz was busy working shifts at the Crashdown.

               It’s okay, Alex told himself. It’s okay. You don’t need anybody. It’s okay.

               He may not have needed anyone, but he didn’t want to be alone today. So he dialed Max’s name, and held the phone to his ear.

               It rung twice, then Max answered. “Alex?” There was hesitation in his voice that made Alex blush. Was he not actually expecting Alex to call?

               “Er – hey,” Alex murmured, and rubbed his face with one hand. “Look, t-turns out I’m free today after all . . . If you . . . still want to go to the museum . . .”

               Max didn’t answer for a long few seconds.

               “O-Or not,” he said quickly, “doesn’t really matter to me, I just thought –”

               “Yeah!” Max said, “Yeah, I’m – sorry, I was changing. I’m ready to go when you are! Where do you want me to meet you?”

               Alex’s shoulders slumped. He felt a strange relief trickling through his chest, but it didn’t ease the weight on his heart. He muttered, “Wherever you want. Just text me the address.”

               He waited for Max’s okay, then hung up. He rested his chin on his knees as he waited for the message to come in, closing his eyes and promising himself that he would not cry.

                 Max didn’t live in a house. He lived in a mansion. The two story villa stretched out over a valley of cacti and desert flowers, the windows long and the front doors big enough to fit ten grown men standing side by side. Michael had once told Alex how he’d sneak in through his brother and sister’s windows, and Alex now had to wonder how.

               No sooner had he gotten to the door than Max came stumbling out, a bag thrown over his shoulder.

               “Hey,” he panted, “let’s go.”

               Without waiting for Alex’s greeting, he bodily turned Alex around and nudged him back toward the road. Alex was not new to being hidden away by boys who’d rather their parents not see him, but he’d already had his plans with Michael ruined, and was in no mood to humor any homophobia.

               “What?” he sighed. “Afraid mommy and daddy will know you asked out a guy?”

               Max blinked, surprised. He stopped. “What’re you talking about? I’m not trying to hide you from my parents.” He looked over his shoulder as if remembering they were supposed to be in a hurry, and frog-marched Alex away again.

               “Oh?” Alex rolled his eyes. He tried to ground his heels to make it harder for Max but had no will to do it. He was tired, but anything was better than spending the day curled up in bed, abandoned and pitiful. “The who are we trying to hide from?”

               “My . . . crap . . .” Max trailed off, and, following his gaze, Alex understood why. At the end of the road, her arms crossed, her purse hanging off one elbow, was Isobel Evans. She did not look happy.

               “Sneaking off?” she demanded. “Who do you think you are? Michael?”

               “Isobel,” Max warned. “Not now.”

               “Did you honestly think you could hide your date?” Isobel narrowed her eyes at Alex. “Huh. You weren’t kidding. It really is Alex Manes.” She reached a hand towards his face. “You were right, he is very pretty –”

               “Isobel,” Max slid in between Alex and Isobel, forbidding her from touching him. “I never said that.” Then to Alex, “I never said that. N-Not that you’re not – I mean, clearly you are –”

               He shook his head, and turned back to Isobel, his jaw clenched. “I’m not kidding, leave us alone.”

               Isobel was relentless, tilting her head over her brother’s shoulder, since she was almost as tall as he was. “Oh, what do you think I’m going to do, Max? Get out of the way, let me look at him!”

               “Alex,” Max said, his wary eyes on his sister, “I am so sorry about this.”

               “Sorry about what?” she demanded. “I didn’t do anything! Get out of the way, Max! Do you have any idea how rare it is to get a look at him this up close?!”

               “He’s not an octopus, Isobel!”

               “It’s a compliment!” She told Alex, “It’s a compliment, it means you’re really cute.”

               “We have to go,” Max insisted, fending off his sister’s reaching hands. “We have a thing at the museum and –”

                “What museum? Why didn’t you invite me? I want to come with you!”

               “NO!”

               “Why not?”

               “Because you’ll make it weird!”

               “What does that even mean? Scared I’ll embarrass you in front of your new boyfriend?”

               “Isobel!”

               Watching them, Alex should’ve been annoyed. But Max was being gentle with his sister, and Isobel’s eyes were so genuine that Alex could tell her curiosity was innocent and eager. There didn’t seem to be a malicious bone in either of their bodies.

               Crouching behind a building just half an hour ago, Alex had not thought he’d be able to smile for the rest of the day. Now, a giggle escaped his lips before he could help it.

               Max and Isobel stopped and stared, wide eyed. Max’s cheeks were tinted pink. Alex pretended not to notice.

               “Isobel,” he said wearily, “you want to come with us?”

               Isobel looked momentarily surprised, then pleased, a satisfied grin stretching across her pink lips. She lightly shouldered her way past Max and hooked her arm around Alex’s.

               “I like him,” Isobel said cheerfully, and pulled Alex down the road. Alex looked over his shoulder at Max, who blinked out of his haze and ran to catch up to them.

               “Why would you invite her?” Max murmured.

               Alex took one look at Isobel and smiled, something about her radiant demeanor an interesting contrast to the darkness he lived in. Maybe it was having a writer with him, maybe it was that he was kind of a writer himself, but he thought there was a fascinating story here between the three of them.

               To Max, however, he merely shrugged a shoulder and smirked.

               “Come on, Evans,” he said. “I wouldn’t want you to think this was a date.”

               Max again blushed, and Alex again pretended not to notice.

Ahhhh here it is!!! Finally!!!

I know only three to four people may enjoy this, but I wrote it mostly for me, so my expectations are low. Or, I should say, that’s how I’m trying to keep them. Don’t ask me how long until the next chapter comes up, this is just supposed to be fun. Any questions about updates shall be ignored.

That said, if you did enjoy it, comment! Tell me what you liked, if it was funny, angsty, if it’s not your kind of thing but you decided to give it a chance anyway - I love that stuff. And share/reblog. You may not have liked it, but maybe someone else really will!

[cellard0ors]

Fic: Movement (2/?)

Still dedicated to the wonderful @peachworthy. you read part one than you know - GMM Rhink AU - College Student Link/Pornstar Rhett AU

“Got it right again, man! You’re going to ace this test!” Rhett crows as he tosses down another notecard and Link pumps his arms in triumph. The two of them are settled in the kitchen, piles of books and notecards spread around as well as few bottles of beers and some bowls of chips.

Link picks up one chip and pops it into his mouth, grinning at his roommate fondly, “Well, couldn’t’ve done it without you, pal. You are, without a doubt, the best study buddy I’ve ever had.”

“Aw shucks, gonna make me blush,” Rhett laughs even though it’s Link who feels his cheeks actually grow warm, his friend’s laughter a common cause of the occurrence.

They’ve been living together for over a month now and it’s been beyond amazing. Link would’ve never guessed a guy like Rhett and a guy like him would work so well together.

It’s like they’re the world’s weirdest, most convoluted puzzle yet all the pieces click together to form a full picture that is nothing short of a masterpiece. True, there’s a lot about Rhett Link doesn’t know yet (and gosh is there a lot he wants to know) but their friendship is running smoothly.

Well, smoothly save for the massive crush Link has on the guy, albeit he’s doing his damned best to squash it. Yes, Rhett’s attractive and yes, he’s the first guy Link’s ever met that he’s felt a real zing for, but the fact of the matter is – Link would much rather have him as a friend and roommate than lose him as a…well, Link’s not sure if he’d lose him, but the mere possibility keeps Link’s lips sealed.

Besides, it’s okay to crush on someone and never act on it. People do it all the time. Not to mention that it’s a bit…odd to crush on someone in Rhett’s line of work. Isn’t it?

Link can’t think of too many people who will admit to crushing on an adult film star. Regular, mainstream film stars, sure – but adult film stars?

Yeah…

Although, to be frank, Link’s sure there are some that do. And, hopefully, some of them are not the creepy internet troll-y kind of people, but genuine salt of the earth folks like himself. Because, okay, he is crushing on one so…

Rhett is toying with the cards, maybe looking for the next question to quiz Link on when he asks idly, “Y’know, Link – I gotta say, I admire your stamina.”

That remarks makes Link choke on the drink he’s just been consuming, a cough clearing it up some as he croaks, “I’m-I’m sorry?”

Rhett hums noncommittally, as if not noticing the gaffe, “You’ve had yet to grill me about my job. Normally, once folks hear about it, that’s all they want to talk about.”

“Oh,” Link breathes out loosely, “Well, ah-? It-? It just…seemed rude to-to ask…”

“Been over a month living with me now. You telling me you ain’t interested?”

“I didn’t say that!” Link quips back much quicker than he would like, but Rhett just gives him the most perfect smile. All sincere and warm beneath his beard and remember, Link, you’re doing you’re best not to crush on him!

Rhett is still toying with the cards, eyelashes downcast, the very visual definition of shy as he murmurs, “Just sayin’…I don’t mind if you wanna ask some stuff.”

Link’s eyebrows rise in such a way as to damn near bump his glasses off, “Y-You sure?”

Rhett draws in a deep inhale and then sits the cards down. He crosses his arms and leans back in his seat, looking quite serious even despite the casual red flannel and jeans, as if this was more of an interview (or perhaps an interrogation?) than anything else, “Shoot.”

The a million and one questions that Link has kept at bay about Rhett’s job and more personal life threaten to cave his skull in as they crash about in his mind. However, he has to go with the obvious, “Know this’ll be predictable, but…why?”

Rhett just bobs his head in an understanding nod even as Link pushes on, “Why and how?”

Rhett sucks on his teeth before picking up his own beer and taking a fortifying sip before continuing, “The two are kinda interconnected to be honest. Had a fallin’ out with my family. Think I mentioned it in passin’ to you once. But, to clarify; they weren’t too happy with my chosen living destination nor with the fact that I’d come to terms with the notion that I’m attracted to both the ladies and the gents.”

Link’s mind immediately (and joyously) clings to ‘the gents’ remark, bookmarking it for future reference, even as Rhett continues his tale, “You grew up where we did. So you get it.”

Link does. And then, to nail the point home, Rhett adds, “Probably get it a lot more than others. If my…instincts are to be believed.”

Shit.

SHIT.

Link’s whole body immediately bursts into flame, the tips of his ears so hot he’s sure they’re glowing bright red.

Rhett knows I’m gay. He knows. I thought having a radar for that kind of thing was bullhonkey, but he knows and oh, lord, oh lord – do I give off some sorta vibe? I know that girl in my screenwriting class, Stevie, she teased me about being an A-Level twink or something, but I didn’t think-!

Rhett’s laughter carves right through Link’s insecurities, “Take a breath, brother! Look like you’re about to pop!”

Link does and Rhett just shakes his head, still grinning, “Point being – I was pretty much a babe in the woods when I came to LA. Not two nickels to my name, so I took whatever gigs I could get. Managed to snag a few commercials and things of that nature, but you know the drill. Jobs are hard to come by. And a guy of my height?”

He blows out a big breath and tosses all of those luxurious curls about with a rueful head shake, “Yeah, most people fingered me for a baller, so – again – jobs were hard to come by. But then, wouldn’t you know it? A friend of a friend of a contact told me about this part they thought I’d be perfect for.”

Another deep barrel chested chuckle emerges as he reminiscences, “Mighta been nice of ‘em to let me know it was actually a part of me they thought would be perfect.”

Do not zero in on his crotch! Do NOT zero in on his crotch! Charles Lincoln Neal the Third DO NOT-!

Link keeps his eyes so steadfastly forward he probably looks like some bug eyed zombie. If Rhett notices, he doesn't comment, “Anyway, when I found out what the role was, I had planned to politely decline but, y’know, the money they offered…”

There’s an easy shrug and this Link can look at. He looks at Rhett, who looks a bit sheepish as he scratches at one side of his beard, “I mean, again, you grew up where I did. So, you know how the whole ‘wait until marriage’ thing was drilled into your head, but I figured it wasn’t like anybody would know. My family’d cut me off, my friends were few and far in between, and the people on set…”

Now he looks a bit happier and Link can’t help but smile along with him, “The people on set were all right. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the kind of stories people tend to spin – the exploitation, the drug abuse, other questionable stuff…place I was at wasn’t like that. I mean, maybe I just lucked out or something, but it was…”

Another shrug and he goes for his beer again. Link figures this is as good a time as any to get in another question, “So, you did that and then you…? Just kept going?”

Rhett nods as he drinks, the bottle leaving his mouth with an obscene pop that Link is going to do his best to forget all about right now and certainly not recall at any point in the future (and most certainly NOT when he’s jacking off later), “Yeah, I did the one and the director really liked me. He pull me aside and told me about this company he was trying to set up with a couple of buddies of his. They wanted to go in a classier direction – know how funny that sounds, but he was serious.”

“So, what? No, like, blockbuster porno knock offs? Like ‘Sex in The City and ON the City’ or ‘Arma-get-it-on’?”

“Think you stole that last one from an episode of CSI.”

“I did, doesn’t change the question.”

They’re both smiling like a couple of fools, but the mood is good and the atmosphere light as Rhett sighs, “Yeah, nothing like that. I’ve actually worked with a few female directors, shot some things with great budgets, nice lighting, good costumes…”

“Oooo, costumes,” Link teases in the silliest voice and Rhett swats out at him. Link avoids the hit even as Rhett rolls his eyes, “I’m serious, dude. Some of the things that department pumps out looks better than anything you’d see in Hollywood.”

“Hmm, some kinda wood,” Link snickers and this time Rhett’s swat makes impact, brushing Link’s shoulder and Link would be embarrassed by the giggle he lets out, if it weren’t for the way Rhett’s nose is all scrunched up, making him look beyond adorable, “You’re sucha brat!”

Link sticks out his tongue and Rhett just laughs. They turn their attention to the drinks and chips for awhile before Link circles around to another question, “You like it then?”

“It’s a living,” Rhett confirms, not really answering one way or another, “Like I said – make great money, work with some really nice people.”

“Uh,” Link scratches behind one ear, “Hate to ask, but, um…clean people?”

Rhett doesn’t seem offended, “You bet. Have to be. Another reason I’ve done this as long as I have. Money's great, but the safety is even better. I’m currently under contract with that same company I told you about – the one that director brought me under. On top of wanting to,” he air quotes his next words, “be classier’-”

He drops the quotes, “They wanted to provide an excellent work environment. Heck, me and the other actors and actresses probably have a cleaner bill of health than the entire state. Can’t shoot scene one until you’ve got the A-Okay.”

“Huh,” Link absorbs that with some surprise, but then, he supposes it really shouldn’t be. The adult film industry is a big lumbering beast right alongside it’s more recognized counterpart. No reason one shouldn’t be as cautious as the other. If anything, one has more right to be cautious.

Thinking on this, Link suddenly feels an odd pang. It’s a shame in one way that’s one viewed as more reckless than the other, more questionable. But, when viewed through a mostly puritan lens…

Not wanting to get too philosophical, Link switches gears, “You been in a lot of films?”

“My fair share.”

Another dodge, but Link will let him have it. However, he can practically feel devil horns rise as he asks with a naughty gleam to his eye, “Win any awards?”

Rhett’s practically preening, “Several.”

“Really?” Link asks with some surprise, but Rhett suddenly looks quite naughty himself. Naughty and…a bit too hot for Link’s liking as the heat that always seems to surround him when he’s near Rhett rises and woo boy, he’s really failing at this squashing-the-crush thing.

“If you’re a good boy, maybe I’ll show you one of my trophies some time…”

Everything in Link melts into a puddle and he’s not sure what expression he’s wearing, but it’s one that makes Rhett’s whole face light up, “…or maybe, just maybe, I’ll show you a little somethin’ else…”

If it’s possible for a melted puddle to also explode, then Link’s just done it. Rhett bursts into guffaws as he reaches forward and, very smoothly, pushes Link’s jaw up because Link’s jaw? It dropped. He didn’t even feel it drop.

And then, to just add more fuel to the fire, Rhett rubs the pad of his thumb along the bottom of Link’s chin, right below his lip, “Damn, son…you’re just too much for words.”

“I…”

That’s it.

That’s all that Link can offer.

Just one sound, one vowel.

Silent and stunned and Rhett draws back, looking like the cat that ate the canary as he lets him go and rises up from his seat, “Think you need a moment. I’ll be back in a bit.”

And – just like that – Rhett saunters out of the room.

[shimmershae]

So.  I have some more thoughts.  Shocking?  Yeah, I know, lol.

Let’s see if I can figure out how to purge what’s inside of my overactive brain and have it make some semblance of sense, shall we?  

Hmm.  

Where to start, where to start?  

Okay.  So I think it’s safe to say that the flashbacks pretty quickly establish that Daryl has essentially been set adrift.  He’s been cast back, in some ways by his own choosing, into a solitary searching life that speaks to his past.  He has no anchor anymore, no touching stone--whether that be Rick, who’s presumed dead, or Carol, who’s chosen by default to leave him behind and try to make a new family in Ezekiel and Henry.  

That’s important.  Because until this season?  Until he really matured and assumed, grudgingly or otherwise, the mantle of leadership of the communities?  

Daryl was a follower.  He took his cues from other stronger personalities.  Other people more quick to voice and own their opinions, right or wrong.  Like Rick.  And Merle before him.  

That’s not to say Daryl hasn’t had anything of value to say or add to the communities or to his relationships.  He has and he did.  Remember back at the Prison how Carol told him he was going to have to live with the love?  Daryl was just beginning to find his voice, so to speak.  He was emerging, even if they were only baby steps at first, from other seemingly more formidable shadows, and learning even then how to be more of a leader that people looked up to even if he was still content to be a follower.  

Being a follower was what he was comfortable with and I’m making some assumptions here, but I’d wager that in his abusive past with his old man, in that household first with Merle then on his own, being a follower and sticking to the safety of the periphery is probably what kept him alive.  Being a follower minimized conflict then, I’m sure.  Being a follower when he met up with and eventually connected with Rick and the rest of Team Family was probably the safest way for him to make emotional connections.  

I’m rambling.  I know it and I’m sorry.  It’s what I do.  Ramble, lol.  

Here.  I’m going to place the rest of this underneath a cut because I got more winding words than I have wind and most of ya’ll have patience.  

With Rick gone, with Carol off trying her damndest to live a fairy tale, Daryl floundered.  For all intents and purposes, he was left without any direction, nobody to take his cues from emotionally or otherwise.  

I mean, he literally made ever-widening circles searching for Rick, didn’t he?  Circles have no end point.  They have no real destination.  Not really.  Daryl essentially lived in a spin cycle of pain and regret and inability to really and truly connect with anybody during those years spent searching for Rick--especially since the person he arguably felt closest to and most comfortable with, Carol, basically decided those past connections Daryl was so desperate to find again were too painful for her and attempted to move on.  

He wasn’t emotionally equipped to or stable enough (perhaps still internally dealing with his anger and angst over his torture and imprisonment by Negan at that point in time) to put in the hard work to reestablish those fraying bonds on his own and the man basically lost the plot.  His world narrowed down to this latest search.  This search for a body.  For closure.  For a new purpose perhaps?  

And you know, the man had to be tired.  In some way or another?  He’s probably been searching his entire life.  It’s kind of what followers do.  They look for meaning outside themselves because they don’t feel like they’re enough.  

So then Dog, in the form of this happy, accepting, affectionate puppy appears out of nowhere.  He’s a welcome distraction and knowing Daryl’s propensity to try to reunite the lost with those they love, he started a new little search.  

That led him to Leah. 

Leah, who was alone.  Like him.  Leah, who knew how to survive.  Like him.  Leah, who was stuck in a place of grief.  Like him.  

Leah, who--and I don’t really feel like I’m going out on too far or precarious limb here considering how many parallels they literally slapped us in the face with during this episode--reminded him of someone he felt he couldn’t have, not even her friendship anymore because by her choosing to ‘be there’ for Ezekiel and Henry and the Kingdom she was always leaving Daryl behind and that’s a pattern we’ve all long suspected has really caused hurt for Daryl even if he’s long ‘accepted’ and dealt with it with stoicism.  

Boy, they really blew the lid off that issue didn’t they?  Oh, it was done rather quietly and in a surprisingly controlled manner, but the hurt it caused?  The tears and emotion it elicited was brought about with an almost surgical precision that stunned Carol, but I digress.  

My point is?  Daryl?  Innate follower that he is?  Daryl had grown accustomed to the human connection he found with Team Family.  He was never 100% comfortable with it but he missed it.  He craved it.  And Rick?  Well, deep down Daryl knew the likelihood of finding his ‘brother’ was minimal.  And with Carol pulling away and putting more and more distance between them--how deep and wide was that river, ya’ll, before the episode was done? when it started off looking like a small trickle of a stream?  how wide was that chasm these two idiots in painfully unspoken love allowed to be formed between them?--essentially the two closest people to him were lost to him, leaving him lost.  

So he stumbles upon this woman who is very reminiscent of people that he’s known.  He’s figured out, even though he keeps trying to buck the trend, that you really can’t make it alone in the world anymore.  And when she shows him some small measure of trust by letting him go?  That part of him that didn’t want to be alone kept drifting back into her sphere.  

Now I’m not going to go so far as saying Daryl fell in love with this Leah.  Because, shipping biases aside?  I really don’t feel like he did.  

Daryl found solace with Leah.  

Companionship.  

Remember another time when Daryl was lost?  When he felt he had failed another member of his family? Lost what he thought was the last of his family?  How alone he was at a crossroads when Joe’s group of Claimers came along?  

I’m not equating Leah with the Claimers in any other way except saying Daryl was in a similar headspace when he met her, okay?  Before anybody goes off on me.  I’m just saying that Leah?  She represented what Daryl felt was his one chance NOT TO BE ALONE.  

Daryl’s emotionally stunted, ya’ll. He’s made great strides, but trauma always seems to regress him.  Thankfully, it seems to regress him less and less as he really and truly matures, but it still has a habit of reverting him back to the Daryl we first met.  The Daryl we can easily see growing up in Merle’s shadow. 

When he threw that damn fish at her door, I literally laughed for ten straight minutes because that was funny as hell.  But honestly?  The more I thought about it, the more it dwelled in my mind?  The sadder it actually made me because here’s a grown man essentially trying to connect with another human being on an adolescent level.  

So much of what we were shown in this episode really just reinforced what I’d already suspected to be true--Daryl Dixon just doesn’t ‘get’ the basics of interpersonal relationships.  At least those that could be perceived as romantic.  For all that Carol mused it was like he had become a man back in Atlanta, during Consumed and their search for Beth?  That man is still very much trying to fumble his way out of the starting gate so far as pursuing a woman in any form or fashion.

This is just my opinion and we all know what they say about those, lol, but Daryl has longed for an even deeper connection with Carol since the Prison.  Maybe even before that. I think at the Farm his eyes were opened to her and he started trying to be a better person to match what he perceived as her goodness.  Before he even knew she wanted one, he was trying to be a man of honor.  Then stuff and thangs happened and shit, like Daryl once told Abe, just never settled.  Carol drifted out of Daryl’s reach because he wasn’t equipped with the emotional tools to really go after what he wanted--her in a deeper, different capacity than he’d ever wanted or asked for before--and shit, ya’ll.  If loneliness is a choice then Daryl Dixon was sick and damn tired of it.  

Do I think there’s even really a choice between Leah and Carol in Daryl’s mind though?  A true choice were he to absolutely, 100% realize and know that Carol’s heart was earmarked for him from the very beginning and that she’s suffering from the same delusions that she’s not good enough or deserving of him?  

Absolutely not.  

Leah knew that even if Daryl never divulged any specifics about Carol.  She knew the answer to her ultimatum before she even made it.  

And that ultimatum, ya’ll. 

Maybe it’s weird, but it put me in mind of when Merle pressed Daryl to make a choice between him and Team Family.  

Merle was blood family but like Carol and others said, he wasn’t good for Daryl.  

Leah might have offered Daryl some solace from his loneliness but ultimately staying isolated with her and not reconnecting with those he identifies as family is just as damaging as Daryl choosing to follow in Merle’s wake again.  Similarly to that situation, Daryl was clearly torn as soon as the words were out of her mouth.  

Between loyalty to family and unspoken love.  

In case there’s any confusion here, the unspoken love I’m talking about is his love for Carol.  He felt something for her back at that Prison.  Fight me.  He knew she’d be hurt by him going back with Merle, but obligation and family loyalty led him to make the decision all the same.  

Still. He knew she’d understand.  And she did, even if his choice hurt her.  

My thought is that this time?  At least initially?  Daryl didn’t completely separate his loyalty to family (searching for Rick) and his unspoken love (for Carol) when he made his decision.  They’re hopelessly entwined because Carol is a little bit of everything to Daryl--friend, family, the woman he loves and has been halfway in love with for so many years.  Initially, he chose the hope that both would come back to him if he just kept searching.  Because searching’s what he does.  From Sophia to Connie, he’s always searched in the hope of bringing the lost back to those that love them.  He’s always searched because nobody searched for him.  

Daryl is the ultimate lost boy who grew to be a man and still feels like he hasn’t been found.  

But how can he be found if the one person he wants to find him keeps running away?  

Daryl didn’t choose Leah.  

Not from his heart.  

Daryl turned back to Leah because he felt Carol slipping away to where he couldn’t follow her.  

If it can even be argued that Daryl chose Leah, it was by default.  Of course, he feels guilty.  Daryl wouldn’t be Daryl without guilt.  He wouldn’t be Carol’s man of honor.  

And he is Carol’s man.  

She may not be in the place to see it--YET--but she’s getting there.  She’s fighting hard against her natural inclination to run.  She’s trying.  She knows what she wants, even if she doesn’t believe she has the hope of getting it.  

Daryl knows what he wants, too.  He knows, once and for all, where he belongs.  He’s stopped searching.  He knows she’s right there.  There’s no more circles.  There’s just a final destination if he can convince the love of his fucking life to stop running from what they both want.  

He may have left that note for Leah, but you can’t convince this viewer that he didn’t write those words for Carol.  

And that’s all I got to say about that.  

For now anyway.  

Omigosh, lovelies.  

So sorry for the emotional word vomit but thank you so much for indulging me even if I did lose my original point somewhere up there, lol.    

[dragonologist-in-the-making]

You’re Here

Pairing: sirius x fem!reader

Summary: it’s sirius’ birthday, so the reader decides to finally confess their feelings.

a/n: eeeeee I’m back!! Sorry it was such a long break, I can’t promise this is a permanent return but it’s Sirius’ birthday today so I had to do a special fic for him xx hope you enjoy!!

wordcount: 2k

…

He sat in front of the fire, the warm glow from the dying flames flickering on his face, in a way that could easily enchant anybody who happened to be watching the scene. In fact, it already had. y/n was sat on the sofa, pretending to be engaged in the conversation happening around her as she couldn’t help but let her eyesight drift back to the raven haired boy sat in front of her. She’d noticed this starting to happen in their fifth year, and despite knowing what it meant and trying to push the feelings away, here she was in her last year of Hogwarts, still hopelessly in love with her best friend.

“Well, I think I’m going to head upstairs.” His soft voice entered the conversation, as he stretched and dragged himself off the floor, sleep clearly weighing his eyes down. The group of friends all wished him a goodnight and a brief silence settled over the common room as he left, leaving the group of four friends to sit with their thoughts for a second.

y/n sat with her knees pulled up, thinking of her friendship with Sirius, how close they had always been. She’d been part of the Marauders since that first day on the train, and had always loved the four of them, but she couldn’t help the pull she had to Sirius. Maybe how it was despite everything he’d been through with his family, he was never scared to be vulnerable around her. Maybe it was how no matter how many girls he kissed, he would save his brightest smiles for her, and would (and had) drop any of them the second she had said she needed him, no matter how insignificant an outsider might have thought the reason to be. Wrapped up in her thoughts, she felt her cheeks warming, a combination of the warmth from the fire and the warmth from her heart. However, when a voice finally broke through the silence, embarrassment won over, heating her cheeks more than anything had so far.

“Merlin, y/n, you look like a lost puppy. Can you both please just admit your feelings to each other so we can get past this.” She glared at James between her fingers, throwing a pillow with deadly aim, smirking as he squeaked in surprise. “I do mean it though, there’s nothing to lose.”

“He does talk about you constantly. It’s rather sweet, if you forget how annoying it is.” Remus piped up, putting a hand on her shoulder reassuringly. “You both know how the other feels, you’re just too scared to say it out loud, in case you cross a line you can’t go back on.”

“And this middle ground won’t stop things from going south, if you never talk about it.” Peter added as the boys began to collect their things, clearly going to join their dormmate and retire for the evening. As they all said their goodnights, y/n sat alone thinking over their words, a plan forming in her mind as she glanced out the window at the glistening October sky.

…

She sat at her desk, November 2nd, folding the parchment once the ink had dried, sealing it and carefully writing his name on the front. She waited in the common room, heart racing as the fire died beside her, up much later than was healthy, but determined, the anxiety helping to keep her awake as she waited for the elves. Finally they came, and with a kind smile and a little pleading, they promised to take the letter from her and leave it and the end of Sirius’ bed, amongst the pile of presents that was undoubtedly there for when he woke up. She smiled to herself, glad that so far everything had seemed to go smoothly, and went back to her dorm to try and sleep, feeling finally that good things were on their way.

Sirius woke up to the cheers and whoops of the boys, singing a badly harmonised happy birthday tune. He laughed, sitting up and reaching to start opening his presents, knowing the harassment would only end when he had done so. He spotted a letter with his name on it in familiar handwriting, one for sure he knew hadn’t been there when he had gone to sleep the night before, and quickly slipped it under his pillow, deciding to read it when the boys weren’t watching his every move. He flew through the present opening, and soon enough his three friends were preoccupied in getting ready for their classes, giving him the spare few minutes he needed to inspect his most interesting present of all. He carefully unfolded the letter, his heart rate picking up as he spotted y/n’s handwriting and how carefully it had been written, free from the usual scribbles and splotches he saw when she wrote.

Siri,

Happy birthday, love, I know you were worried about today, with it being the first birthday since you moved in with the Potter’s, but today’s about you, and your real family are all here to celebrate with you, and for you, as you turn seventeen and start to think about life past graduation (with all of us by your side, of course). I know this is a slightly unconventional present, and I would appreciate it if you kept this a bit of a secret for the boys, for now at least.

I just wanted to say how proud I am of you. You’ve faced more than I could ever imagine and had to grow up so fast, but you’ve always been unwaveringly loyal to your friends, considerate and kind throughout it all, truly striving to become the opposite of who you were raised to be. I’m so, so, glad that you took my hand that day on the platform, bringing me into your carriage on the train. I couldn’t picture a life without you, and sometimes I forget just how insanely lucky I am to have you around. Believe that, because I know you’re feeling sceptical right now, but I mean it. You’re phenomenal in every way.

Y/n sat at the table in the great hall, eating a pancake and sipping on her tea trying to push down her nerves waiting for the marauders to come and join her as they did every morning. Hopefully, Sirius would have read the letter by now, and she could have some closure either way. Preferably not one way, though. She heard them before she saw them, the loud laughs bouncing through the Entrance Hall, recognisable to anyone in the school. Despite her nerves, she couldn’t help but smile as they walked in, enthusiastically waving to her as they walked over, sitting down in their usual seats. Some of the tension dropped from her shoulders as Sirius sat next to her, gracing her with a smile.

“Happy birthday, Siri.” She smiled, heart catching as his fingers grazed hers under the table. Was it intentional? “Get any nice presents this morning?” She hinted, hoping she could keep up the façade if everything crumbled around her. To her glee, his smile stretched a little wider, a glint in his eye she knew, one that meant he was keeping a secret. Luckily, she was in on it too.

“Couldn’t have asked for anything better.” He smiled, staring straight at her, winking quickly before turning away and filling his plate up with food. She grabbed his hand more firmly under the table, feeling her confidence grow even more when he squeezed it back. She smiled down at her plate, barely believing this could be happening. The rest of breakfast passed in a blur and soon they were heading their separate ways to classes. With one last birthday wish, y/n and Sirius were dragged away from each other, more reluctant than ever before to be anywhere but at each other’s side.

I also wanted to thank you. You’ve never failed to be there for me, whenever I’ve needed you, without having to say a thing. You make me laugh impossibly hard, to the point where I can’t breath and my sides hurt almost constantly. You have a way of twisting anything into something positive and you truly make me believe you when you tell me that things will work out okay. I think in part, I believe they will be okay, because it’s you. With you, everything is okay. In fact, okay is a major understatement. With you, everything is perfect and right.

After dinner, an hour full of more stolen glances and secret hand-holding, y/n had urged the boys upstairs while she carried onto the seventh floor, pacing in front of the tapestry until a door appeared. She walked across the room lightly, trying to focus as she decorated but her thoughts kept drifting back to a certain man, and even though she was fairly sure of the outcome, she couldn’t help but keep the nerves at bay.

You’ve always been the best of friends to me Siri. But if I’m being honest, for a long time now you’ve also been so much more than that. When I’m with you I can feel truly safe, like no matter what happens it can’t touch me because you’re there and you dull everything else. I would be lying if I said I was indifferent to your charms. You’re utterly gorgeous, and my heart flutters when you give me that brilliant smile, the one that I know you save just for me, the one that makes me fall a little harder every time I see it. Your touch is electric, nothing else can be simultaneously so adrenaline-sparking and so comforting. I love the fact that you learned to braid hair for me now that Lily’s all busy with James. Sirius, I love you.

And unless I’m horribly mistaken, I think you love me too. Our friends seem to think so. So tonight, I’ll be in the Room of Requirement with some music, waiting for a dance. If you don’t show, I completely understand, and I won’t bring this up again. But if you feel the same, I hope this was a good enough birthday present for you to.

Yours, if you’ll have me,

Y/n

She finished lighting the last candle, hearing the door handle turn behind her, and the soft creek of the old door opening. She turned, seeing him stood there, the letter in his hand, usual confident aura gone in favour of one that was utterly relaxed. Her face broke out into a breath-taking grin and she bounced forward the few steps that it took to close the gap, straight into his open arms.

“You’re here.” She breathed, finally feeling all the tension and the nerves leave as she admired him, eyes searching his for any trace of doubt and finding none.

“Of course I’m here, there’s no where else I’d want to be.” He smiled, stuttering her heart. “Thank you for the letter, I’ll cherish it forever.” His hand moved to cup her jaw, as the other stayed circled around her waist. She couldn’t do anything but stare at him, completely enthralled in the moment, lost in him. The record playing softly changed to a new tune, and Sirius slowly began to sway the two of them, moving ever so minimally to the beat of the music, neither able to look away from the other.

“I’ll write more.” She broke the silence, “I’ll write them forever as long as you enjoy them. I’ll give you everything I can.”

“I only need your heart. That’s already more than I could imagine.”

“It’s been yours for a long time. Keep it, I like the way you love it.”

“I do,” he breathed out, watching her eyebrows furrow slightly in confusion. “I love it. I love you, y/n.”

He leaned in closer, seeming to hesitate for a moment, looking into her eyes, seeming to ask permission. She nodded, maybe too eagerly, eliciting a laugh from him as her eyes fluttered closed and he pressed his lips to hers, slowly and softly moving together before they broke apart again.

“Happy birthday, love.” She smiled, leaning in again as the dance was all but forgotten.

[haleigh-sloth]

Hello! Your meta posts are wonderful and I was just wondering if you have written about how you think the redemption of Dabi, Toga, and Shigaraki will go down in terms of where they will end up. How will hero society reconcile with their crimes without locking them up and leaving them to rot (which seems to be antithetical to the point Horikoshi is trying to make). Do you think they will be rehabilitated into society or at a facility? Or something else?

Whhhaaat 🥺🥺🥺 I know for sure that I’ve rambled about what I think will happen and hope will happen here and there but idk if I’ve really dived into it. Idk if anybody’s ever asked so here I go!

So as far as society reconciling with their crimes without locking them up, that’s not really going to be that hard tbh. 

Think about the way society is portrayed right now in the manga. Just look at the chapters between the end of the war arc and now. Society is only getting worse. It’s growing more chaotic, disorganized, and dangerous. And even worse, but very important to note, society is stooping low to a point where they are blindly discriminating against each other just because of how someone looks (sound familiar?). The way things are right now, they’re only going to get worse and worse until the final battle involving AFO gets here, and all of this can be put to rest. It’s as the vestiges said in chapter 310, society is going backwards. Everybody is using their quirks illegally and lots of people are out committing crimes, playing vigilante, and destroying the cities just by using their powers. So by the time the final battle gets here, do you really think they are going to have the capacity to really care about what happens to the LOV? Not only that, but the main LOV members are being set up to redeem themselves by helping defeat AFO, at which point I expect that final battle to have caused so much chaos and destruction in society that there is literally no point in worrying about what happens to the main 3 villains who literally helped save the world. I mean...their redemption is rooted in defeating the one true villain of the story--AFO. Little Tenko wanted to be a hero who saved people, and defeating AFO is satisfying that dream of his. That’s his, and Toya’s, and Himiko’s redemption.

After that last final battle, everybody should be more worried about finding their families, rebuilding their homes, finding new homes, etc., more so than worrying about what happens to Toya, Shigaraki, and Himiko who just helped save them all from imminent death at the hands of AFO. So that’s how I expect the story to address the whole “do we lock them up? do we not?” situation.

As for what I think will happen with each member, well, it’s really up in the air for ones like Spinner and Compress (assuming they make it out alive), but for the main 3 I kind of have an inkling of what I think might happen, but I can’t say for sure. This is ALL just speculation and predicting so please take it with a grain of salt lol.  

For Toya, it’s actually pretty obvious. He has to go home. He has 10 years without his family to make up for, and so does Rei. Toya will heal best in an environment surrounded by unconditional love. He also has to get to know Shouto, seeing as how he never got to. As for whether or not E is included in that...well I can’t say what I expect yet. Either way though, I’ll be happy as long as Toya is home and he can finally have a real relationship with Shouto and catch up with his mother and other two siblings. He just needs to be safe and happy.

For Toga, I THINK because of her age being that of a high schooler still, she may end up at UA. Maybe. Also I should clarify, I don’t expect UA to be a regular high school by the end either. I don’t see how society can go back to having a prominent school that feeds into the quirk elitist system that the story is criticizing and actively dismantling. What we’re learning right now in the backwards aging hero society is that everybody should have the privilege and opportunity to train their quirks, not just a select privileged few who have “strong” or “cool” or “convenient” quirks. People not knowing how to use their own quirks is exactly why society is shit right now. So I think UA will be more of an all inclusive institution by the end, and Toga will find acceptance there around other kids her age. That’s the thing about her too, she yearns for friendship. She has it with the league yes, but you can tell by how she goes after Ochaco and Tsu that she needs that connection with other teenagers and girls her age. She is still a teenage girl after all, and the LOV is comprised of all guys way older than her lol. So that’s what I kind of expect for her. 

Shigaraki is hard for me to get a handle on ending wise because ideally I’d like for All Might to survive and take on that mentor/parent role for him. Kurogiri kind of took that role for Shigaraki, but I’m absolutely positive he’s not going to make it past the final battle. I mean he’s already dead so. But there’s a very real chance All Might might not make it out either. I’d rather he did though. I’d rather Gran Tostito bite the dust.  I feel like All Might may survive so he can take his second chance at taking care of his master’s legacy, her grandson. He missed the opportunity the first time and those consequences were...well you see it now lol. So I feel like it would make sense for him to take that second chance, but again I really don’t know. He’s kinda the perfect character to kill off? But taking All Might out of the equation, I don’t know to be honest. Shigaraki has no family waiting for him. Which I think is important to remember. Really right now all he has is Midoriya, who is still technically a stranger to him. I do think they’re going to form some sort of bond and life-long friendship, I just don’t know how that will look in terms of “the aftermath”. But I don’t think Shigaraki will be alone by any means. He has no family so he’s going to have to find one in the people around him. I expect that main cast of 7 to kind of stick together in the aftermath, so there’s the people who will surround him who care about him. But as far as like...where he’ll live, I have no idea. I have it in my head that Aizawa may take on that mentor role I mentioned earlier, if All Might doesn’t make it. Aizawa is the only pro hero set up to have a change of heart, he’s the only pro who currently criticizes the system in place, so he’s kind of in a perfect position to take Shig in as well. Plus, Aizawa already took in Eri (who is Shigaraki’s reflection). So that’s very possible imo. But as far as relationships and friendships go, Midoriya will be there for him and I think Bakugo will be too. They’ll be an unhinged chaotic trio of absolute madness. It’ll be great. They deserve it tbh. Also with Shigaraki, I highly highly doubt he’ll be going by that name anymore. His name is Tenko Shimura. He and his family went missing when he was 5 years old. He was kidnapped and held hostage for 15 years, and now he’s finally been found. 

So basically I expect society to be in such dissarray that they don’t have time to worry about the league, especially since by the end the league will be an established ally, no longer an enemy. 

Now I have heard the possibility of them all being in behavioral hospitals like what Rei was in. And I’m not like...against it, but I don’t love that idea either. Mostly because I don’t want BNHA to suddenly start sticking with the rules of reality. Why can’t they heal in the best environment for them? WIth people who love them? I would prefer for them to be completely free by the end. If they do get put in behavioral health hospitals then I would at least like to be shown them living their lives after their release. I don’t want it to end on the note of institutionalization. I want to see them be free. 

So yeah, happy endings for everyone! If this isn’t what happens exactly then that’s fine. What matters most is that they’re all happy and get everything they need. Toya needs to be with his family, Toga needs to be accepted, and Tenko needs to heard, acknowledged, and cared for. I think all three of them will get that regardless of how it looks. 

[mofieroll]

You Too (Jotaro Kujo x Fem!Reader)

Inspired from my in-character interaction with @mistaeq! Dedicated to them for motivating me to write! 💛

A Post!SDC Jotaro x Reader one shot where you bond with Holly, who you call Seiko, and pamper your man Jotaro.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Trauma

Word Count: 3k

Two years have passed since the events of the Crusaders' trip to Egypt to save the life of Holly Kujo from being taken by her own Stand. To say that the trip was memorable is an understatement. It was too memorable. The memories of built friendships and increased attachments in just a span of fifty days were unbearable, for fate made the surviving comrades of the group pay for all the joyous moments with the pain of death and eternal separation.

It was hard. Painful. Frightening. Heartbreaking.

It was excruciatingly traumatizing, that even the boy who appeared to be unbothered and distant, the boy who put an end to the cold-blooded century old vampire's curse, couldn't deny it.

Jotaro Kujo couldn't get away from the memories of his dying friends, and so, the supposed flashbacks became inescapable nightmares.

But fortunately, that was until you came.

You met Jotaro a month after he came back from his trip. The meeting was a mere coincidence as you were a year lower than him, you personally did not and had no intentions of getting to know him. It just so happened that Holly or Seiko, his mother, came across your small shop that sold self-designed accessories made from recycled materials. You had told her you search and pick the materials —mostly trash— yourself, which certainly piqued the woman's interest and told you, “Is that right? I have a son, and don't tell him I told you this, but he loves marine animals! It seems you are both fond of nature so I'm sure you'll get along— Oh! I'm sorry dear, we haven't introduced ourselves! I'm Holly Kujo, but you can call me Seiko~”. She was a sweetheart, so you saw no harm in accepting her offer that led you to become a close acquaintance of the Kujo Family.

Much to the matchmaker's Seiko's dismay, it took a year for you and Jotaro to confess that your platonic feelings are in need of a level up. She is Jotaro's mother and your first Kujo friend, of course she'd notice if something was up between you and Jotaro that you both refused to talk about! When you finally re-introduced yourself as Jotaro's.. cough.. girlfriend, Seiko was delighted and decided to treat her second favorite couple (next to her parents Joseph and Suzie) to a nice romantic dinner! The unplanned date embarrassed Jotaro, but he endured it as it gave a good start for the new level of your relationship with him.

Until then, Jotaro became more and more protective. You found it sweet knowing that your boyfriend, former acquaintance, cares about you and shows affection in ways you quite expected for a forbearing man like him. He's not a man of words nor materialistic gifts but a man of straightforward actions— yet he remained mysterious.

Jotaro has been avoiding you since the week has started. He distanced himself yet guarded you as you walked home after class everyday. Everytime you tried to catch him, he's nowhere to be seen. You started to get frustrated, and you know you wouldn't get any explanation even if you corner him and face him alone.

Seiko called you today and asked if you could have dinner wih them, which you excitedly agreed to because you were actually on the way to the Kujo household, a paper bag —which contained your newly designed rings and necklace— in hand.

With Seiko greeting you outside their gates, you entered their traditional mansion and told her about the happenings from the previous days. Even with the mention of Jotaro's sudden actions, Seiko chatted with you nonchalantly.

“Dear, you know my boy would do things that can be a little too unexpected even for me,” Seiko stated, “But if there's one thing or two that I can assure of, is that he means no harm..” You stopped in your tracks as she faced you and tucked your hair behind your ear, smiling, “And he cares for you, [Y/N]. I think, that may be his way of showing it!” Seiko spoke with softness, hopeful that her words would reach you and get rid of any confusion that would spark a misunderstanding on her stoic son's intentions.

You smiled back at Seiko with teary eyes, touched by her comfort. You pulled out the necklace from your paper bag and showed it to her, quietly telling her that it's your gift, only to receive an enthusiastic squeal and hug before you locked the accessory around her neck.

“It looks perfect on you Seiko! I wonder if I'd be as beautiful as you when I reach your age..” You sighed and pouted at Seiko, holding the paper bag on your middle.

“Oh, you!” Seiko playfully hit you as you both giggled, “You shouldn't say such things to a middle aged woman, [Y/N]! I might believe you!” Seiko joked while you insisted that you're sincere about your compliment.

Your chat continued on until she told you to run along and check on her boy, not forgetting to tease that Jotaro misses you. You face warmed in pink, which Seiko found so cute that she had to pinch your cheeks. With her positive and welcoming presence, your determination to face Jotaro fueled.

Seiko informed you that she'll be preparing dinner. You replied, “Mhm! I'll drag Jotaro and we'll meet you here at the dining room! Is that okay?”

“Okay~!”

—

Meanwhile Jotaro, who hasn't come out of his room the whole day, heard you and Seiko pass by. He was sitting in the far corner of his room but the combined voices of yours and his mother's particularly blasted through his ears. He's.. happy.. that you're both safe and sound.. but— why are you here? You should be at home! Did something happen? Did someone bother you? Wait.. did you come here alone? Didn't he tell you even before that you shouldn't go out at night? What if.. what if something happened to you? What if someone showed up and.. and took you away? Took you somewhere.. he can't reach.. What if his dreams were to happen? What if—

Knock! Knock!

Jotaro's sweating face turned to look at his door as his breathing became more unsteady. His eyes widened, brows clashed, and his mouth was agape, gasping for more air. His fists were clenched and he was trembling, who's knocking? Who's trying to get him again?

“Kujo?”

Jotaro stopped breathing for a second while his body still trembled. The voice that called him held sweetness and concern in it but he was still in a dark trance. What if someone's trying to deceive him?

“Seiko called me, may I come in?”

His widened eyes calmed, turning his tormented expression into one of those longingness. His shuddering arm reached out as he subconsciously stood and walked towards his shut door. His cold hand gripped the handle.. but he didn't have the slightest strength to pull it himself. What is he doing? He can't face anyone like this, especially..

On the other side of Jotaro's door was you, with a hand that also gripped the cold handle, waiting for the right timing to enter. Your heartbeat has increased its pace, indicating your uptight feeling of facing him after not seeing him for over a week. You were nervous and a short flashback of your first meeting with Jotaro popped up in your mind. Has it really been two years?

Jotaro never directly told you of his.. episodes. But, there were times where you just happened to observe that whenever you were late on your meeting, he immediately scoops you in a hug while he trembles; or whenever you randomly visit him on weekends and you enter his room only with a knock, he abruptly charges at you with his folded fist stopping inches from your worried face. He didn't tell you about what's haunting him, not even once. Yes, you were undeniably frustrated by him avoiding you, but you love him well enough to have the willingness to act up whilst having patience.

You waited for more minutes before speaking again, “I'm gonna enter now, alright?” You assured, carefully sliding the door behind you and turning on the light switch after you entered.

Your eyes wandered after it adjusted to the lit room, locking on the form of a slouched man in the corner, sitting with a knee up that had his arm and head resting on it while his other knee was folded. You quietly sighed and walked close to him, hiding the impatience to throw yourself at him and pepper him with kisses, mumbling i missed yous. You would have done it, but that kind of affection.. goes for later.

You sat beside Jotaro and placed the paper bag on your side. You weren't too close nor too far from him, just enough to have your hand caress his messy dark hair. You loved seeing him without his hat, seeing his flawless face be shadowless. But if he took it off, the reason is either he's agitated or.. sleep. There was a time when you told him that he should take off his hat indoors and a time you tried to take it off yourself, but he completely ignored you at both and kept the hat on.

“How are you?” You asked without expecting a reply. It was to make him acknowledge your presence, and that is because you didn't know that he's been waiting for you to come in since the moment he heard your voice.

Jotaro wanted to answer. He wanted to lock you in his arms and.. say sorry. He wanted to apologize for neglecting you but— how is he going to do that without telling you too much?

“Why the f*ck did my mother call you? I don't need any help. That b*tch.”

There it is, his method of putting up a tough facade, the swearing that would prompt anybody to think that he needs no help. It worked on you once, but you're not just anybody to him now.

“Mhm. Seiko checked up on me while I was heading home from.. somewhere. She invited me for dinner,” You informed. You didn't want to tell him that you were on your way here even before Seiko called you, knowing full well that he's against you ‘roaming’ at night alone.

You continued to comb through his hair as he answered, “For real [Y/N], I'm fine. Leave. I don't need you to stay here— or.. or something.”

Your hand lowered to his upper back and started to rub circles, “Would you look at me and say that again, Kujo?” you asked in a slightly teasing tone, trying to light up the mood.

You started humming a soft melody, a melody that somehow always soothed Jotaro. The first time you hummed it was when you were cooking dinner for him and Seiko wasn't home. He got into a fight that day and he was abnormally quiet, not the usual, resulting to a tension between the two of you. You hummed the melody to ease the atmosphere, and when you were placing his plate on the table, he suddenly grabbed your wrist and muttered an apology before he told you to ‘keep doing’ what you were doing. The melody was just random, so you did your best to remember its tone and hum it whenever you both need comfort.

And this time, he was soothed again, but he isn't going to be swayed so easily even if he wants to.

“F*cking go away.” He huffs, “You're just like the annoying b*tch. Leave me alone.”

No, stay. He stated in his mind the complete opposite of what came out of his mouth. Of course you didn't leave and continued to hum and rub circles on his back. He may be one of the harshest men you've met, but you have a counter for that. Well.. you're stubborn.

He remembered what you said about heading home from.. somewhere. Where was that? “Where were you coming from?” He asked in a demanding tone.

“Doesn't matter where I was, Kujo. You're still not looking at me.” You retreated your hand from his back and crawled to sit in front of him in crossed legs before placing your hands on his large ones, “I wouldn't mind being like Seiko, although..” You squeezed the top of his hands, bowed your body and peeked at his face where your warm [E/C] eyes met his tired yet enchanting aquamarines. Your lips quirked into a small smile, “You wouldn't want your partner to be your second mother, would you?”

Partner?

Jotaro looked at you blankly, not realizing how close your faces were, “You're still worrying about me too much, I'm fine. I'm.. I'm just remembering..” You straightened and held his cheeks, gently pulling up his face before standing on your knees. You shifted your hand and cupped his face, delicately looking at him to encourage him to speak.

In that moment where he's putting his toughness down, you've completely set aside the issue from the past week. The thoughts that Jotaro might've had enough of you because he thinks you're oblivious to his personal issues— all gone. Holly's words echoed through your mind. Mother truly knows best.

“Egypt.. friends dyi—” Jotaro cut his words and sighed deeply, “..all of it is hitting hard. You won't understand.”

You bit your bottom lip and nodded. He's right, you would not be able to understand, but that's temporary. It'll take more time for him but you're willing to wait, “I.. dream of you..” He swallows the lump in his throat while you wipe the sweat forming on his temple, “I dream of you dying too.”

With that, you were able to catch on more of what happened before you came in his life. People close to him died. People who he probably traveled with.. might have died right before him.. or not. And now he's being haunted, probably by the guilt or by the experience itself. You're still skeptical, but it's considerably clear now.

Your eyes that looked at your hand which wiped his bead of sweat shifted to his eyes, and you saw fear. He was frightened, not only by the past, but also by the possibility that he might lose you too.

You retreated your hands and sat on your legs as you and Jotaro continued to communicate through your eyes. Your heart was thumping fast against your chest, now of sympathy.

“Jotaro, I..”

This time, you threw yourself at him. Arms snaking around his neck, your face buried on his shoulder. You wrapped him in a tight hug as it took him time to return the affection, wrapping his arms around your back and pulling you even closer as he closed his eyes and basked his head on yours. You and Jotaro savored the hug for a while, not thinking about anything else aside being in each other's arms.

“I'm here.. and I'm telling you that I'll be here to love you longer than that delinquent head of yours expected.”

You broke the hug gently, a hand shifting to cup his cheek while you also reached for the paper bag. Jotaro opened his eyes as he felt you fix his sitting position so you could sit —with crossed legs— on his thighs, laying your back on his chest.

“See this?” You lifted the paper bag with both hands, giving Jotaro the chance to once again wrap his arms around your waist. He doesn't mind giving in to your touch as of now.

Jotaro grunted, “Inside this lovely recycled and eco-friendly paper bag are things that.. uhm.. how do I introduce it..” You slowly placed your head on his shoulder, putting the bag down between your legs. You contemplated as you stared on the wooden ceiling, “I know! The things.. consider it as our promise to each other, Kujo. Am I clear? Yep, I'm clear!”

Jotaro clicked his tounge in annoyance as you lifted your head from his shoulder when he was about to rest his head against yours. Why can't he just cuddle you without you moving too much? Can't you and him just cuddle in peace?

You shifted again, now face to face with him. You acted surprise when you saw his furrowed brow, “Oh? Kujo is annoyed with the mighty [L/N]?”

“Just get it over with, woman.” Jotaro supported your back with an arm, watching you as you struggled to hold his free hand with one of yours. You had set aside the paper bag, the things in it now hidden in your other hand.

When you finally settled with wrapping your small hand around his palm so his fingers were loose, you smiled up at him and swiftly leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose. Jotaro turned away, snorting to at least lessen his flustered state. Where is his hat now that he practically needs it?

Jotaro felt a cold thing graze his skin, along with what seems to be two fingers pushing the thing on his. He glanced and saw you inserting a ring on his pinky with a serious face. You were glaring at his hand, your smile only returning when you successfully inserted the ring.

You let go of his hand and was about to wear the other ring yourself when he grabbed your wrist, snatched the ring and easily inserted the accessory on your pinky, all of it with only one hand as his other arm was still supporting you.

You were taken aback, ready to question him when he pulled you into a bridal position and locked your upper body with his arms within a second. You chuckled instead of saying a thing, wrapping your arms around his torso.

“Keen for a cuddle, huh, Kujo?”

“Good grief. You're one brave woman to challenge me.”

As you and Jotaro became ignorant to your surroundings, a flash of a camera resided from the slightly opened door, the sound being followed by a muffled kyaaah! which, with no doubt, came from the adorably giddy mother of the impatient man in your arms.

[End!]

[volleychumps]

To Love a Libero (Nishinoya Yu x Reader)

“Maaaan, this sucks.”

“Nishinoya-senpai?” Hinata blinks at his senior, wondering just why the star libero of the Karasuno volleyball team was laying down on the floor with his knees tucked into his chest, his expression screaming of depression. 

“I want a girlfriend!” Nishinoya whines as the rest of the team sweat drops as he hits the floor with balled fists like a child. Bokuto, seeing the commotion, comes over and puts a hand seriously on his shoulder before kneeling down to meet him at eye-level. 

“Are you lost? Do you need me to find your mom?”

As the teams among the camp stifle their laughter into their fists, Nishinoya gains an irk mark at the teasing Ace of Fukurodani as said man keels over in laughter. 

“T-The girls are coming! That’ll lift your spirits, Nishinoya-senpai!” Yamauchi exclaims as the libero helps himself to his feet, glaring daggers at his still giggling teammates. “Let’s watch them play a set, ne?”

As the boys all return to the stands to watch the girls compete, Nishinoya looks among them with a bored stare. Perhaps after being near Kiyoko this whole time, and it for sure would never happen, most girls didn’t hold the same effect on him. Even if they did, none really responded to his advances or showed any interest. 

“Noya-San...” Sugawara puts a hand on his shoulder, giving him a nervous grin. “I can see your depression cloud getting bigger.”

“Hah? No way, I don’t need a girlfriend. Volleyball is life! Right, Hinata?”

“Senpai...you’re too cool!” His orange-haired kouhai flashes him two large thumbs up as Nishinoya laughs, a little too loudly. The two opposing teams from Fukurodani and Nekoma make their way onto the courts with no problem. 

“Whoa...who is that?” Tanaka’s eyes widen a little.

“She goes to Fukurodani. She’s the libero for the girls’ team.” Akaashi replies evenly as Bokuto sniffs. “She’s also rejected Bokuto-san on numerous occasions.”

“She’s just blind to how awesome I am. It’s fine.”

You make your way onto the court with a small smile, blushing as the more louder boys on the Fukurodani team begin to cheer your name specifically, tugging your hair back into a braid as your team prepares for the practice match. 

“Hm. She’s pretty short.” Daichi notes as Tanaka cackles, clapping Noya on the back. 

“Probably shorter than Noya!” 

Nishinoya didn’t reply as his eyes locked on your figure, his heart gaining an almost too steady rythym as you get into position. 

Damn were you pretty. 

That wasn’t what took him off guard though. 

You deflected the balls the opposing team hit to the floor as if it were nothing, jumping up to do a cute little cheer every time you succeeded. You smiled at your teammates lovingly through the familial bond you shared with them. 

“Noya...you’re staring.” Asahi grins down at his friend as Nishinoya feels the heat rise to his cheeks. 

“W-whatever!” 

Nishinoya looks back to your figure to see the end of the match had commenced, Fukurodani beating Nekoma with a gap of six points. His eyes locked with yours as your friend on the team was whispering something in your ear, a slight blush forming on your cheeks as you look away quickly.

“Uh oh, looks like she caught you!” Tanaka cackles even louder as Nishinoya sinks back in his seat, feeling embarrassed.

“She just plays really good...that’s all.”

-- 

“(Y/N)-chan! I saved you a seat!” 

“No, thanks.” You reply flatly to Bokuto as the ace sinks down in his seat, sighing dejectedly as Akaashi coughs into his fist to hide his laughter.

It wasn’t like you had anything personal against Bokuto...it was just the fact you would rather reject him outright instead of stringing him along with false hope. You didn’t like him the same way he did you, that’s all it was.

Plus, you could never tell if he was serious or not. 

You had walked into the cafeteria in the standard white shirt and dark shorts, blanching as your team waved you over to their already over-crowded table. You shake your head no with a small smile, motioning that you would find somewhere else to sit. 

In a flash, the table to your right’s members all seemed to scatter at the same time, some dragging others as you amusedly watch a dark haired boy drag along the orange, spunky looking kid, telling him to take a hint as one lone person remains at the table. 

Unsurprised, you plop your tray in front of the boy who was staring at you throughout your match, silently giving approval to the amount of effort his teammates had given to lead to this situation as they stuff themselves into bordering tables. 

“E-eh? Where did everyone go?” The boy across from you had unique hair, you noted silently as you giggle at the fact that he was too engrossed in his food to notice the situation his teammates had left him in. When he sees you taking apart your chopsticks, you swear you can practically see the smoke puff up from his head. 

“You’re Nishinoya-san, right? I heard you have a pretty good title for yourself back in Miyagi.” You make conversation, smiling warmly at the now nervous boy in front of you. 

“Y-yeah...um! You played really well today! You’re defense tactics are super good!” 

This startles you. You knew for a fact that Bokuto and the boys on the Fukurodani team liked you primarily for your appearance, but not once had any of them complimented your playing style. 

“Mm. Thank you.” You shyly put your chopsticks in your mouth, a blush forming on your features at the foreign feeling.

From another table, Akaashi holds a hyperactive Bokuto in place, who was practically fuming. “What the hell is that atmosphere?!” 

“Bokuto-san. Please eat your food. And be quiet.”

The members of Fukurodani chuckle to themselves as Bokuto sits down immediately, almost like a pet. 

“T-then! I’ll see you tomorrow, (Y/N)...chan?” 

“Tomorrow it is, Noya-san.” You reply happily, smiling at the fact that he said the honorific with much hesitation. 

You watch him dart away, smiling to yourself until you suddenly notice that he had put his dessert on your tray, making you blush slightly as you unwrap the pudding. 

-- 

The rest of the camp went by in a breeze, and you happily met for dinner every night to eat with Nishinoya as you two formed a more comfortable friendship with one another, Noya giving you the cheesiest pick-up lines to ever exist as you laughed so hard your stomach hurt. 

Naturally, both of your teams teased you relentlessly, and when you two were together during practice breaks, it was obvious to anyone that Nishinoya had fallen for you. Hard.

The real question was, how did you feel about him? 

--

“The last day of training camp is tomorrow.”

“Mm.”

“I go back to Miyagi in one day.” 

“Mm.” 

You both laid in the soft grass past curfew, Nishinoya successfully sneaking you out of the girls’ dorms with ease and a signal to be quiet pressed to his playful grin. 

“Don’t worry! You can take me sight-seeing when we meet at Nationals.” 

“Noya-”

“I’m like, not sad at all to go. Not at all.” 

“Nishi-”

“Why would you even say something like that? Me? Sad? HAH!”

“Yuu!” You had sat up and pressed a hand to his blabbering mouth, watching as his eyes slowly become more saddened. Without hesitation, you pressed your lips against the hand that covered his mouth, leaving the unsuspecting boy in shock before pulling back.

“Just...hold me for awhile, okay?” You lay against his chest, listening to his thumping heart beat. “You might not be sad, but I am.” You look up from your position laying down on him, tracing patterns into his shirt. “Anybody would be sad to see the person they like leave.” 

“You...like me?”

“Yes, dummy.” 

Without a second beat of silence, Noya carefully lifts you off of him before hurling himself to his feet, punching the air excitedly. 

“You like me!” 

You’re laughing now, shushing him to be quiet until he kneels down before you, tilting your chin to meet his lips as he kisses you passionately. Your head spins as you feel something cold and metal being rested against the skin on your neck.

“This is a brand.” He says softly when he pulls away, admiring the glint of the necklace in the moonlight. “You’re mine, (Y/N).”

“This is why you disappeared that one practice?” You laugh, touching the chain around your neck. He nods, his eyes looking more confident than you had ever seen them before he reaches out to hold a strand of your hair, kissing it. 

“Please let me cherish you.”

“I would be honored, Yu.”

He tackles you into the soft grass, afterwards, joy lit up in both of your hearts simutaneously as you hug him tightly back.

--

“Hah? What kind of libero love shit is this?” Tsukishima blinks in surprise as Yamaguchi swats his arm. The day Karasuno had to take its’ leave back to Miyagi arrived, and you and your newly minted boyfriend had broken the news rather sheepishly.

“NOYA!” Tanaka and Asahi lean on each other for support, tears in their eyes. “W-We’re so happy!” 

“S-Senpai!” Kageyama holds a running Hinata by the collar, sighing about how he was surrounded by idiots.

“Weren’t you just saying you didn’t need-?” Daichi’s hand covers Suga’s mouth without hesitation, grinning at his Libero who wasn’t letting anybody ruin his over-the-moon feeling. 

“Be careful, shorty-kun.” Bokuto mentions, slinging an arm around your shoulder as you naturally swat it off. “If you don’t make it to nationals, I’m gonna steal (Y/N) away.” 

Noya’s eyes glint at the challenge before pulling on your wrist to make you fall into his chest, looking fearlessly into Bokuto’s smirk. 

“I’d like to see you try.” 

When all goodbyes are said, the Karasuno team leaves you and Noya outside the bus, your eyes welling up with tears as the realization of the dreaded day settled in. 

“Hey. None of that.” You laugh through your tears as Noya swipes them away, grinning down at you. “I’ll call every night, and I’ll be back before you know it.” 

“Promise?” 

“Promise. And you won’t go to Bokuto-san because you’re lonely and I’m not there to fill the empty void in your heart, right?”

“Ah. That one’s hard to promise.” You say flatly, sarcasm dripping from your tone before Noya tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, gazing at you as if he was trying to commit your face to memory.

“Don’t miss me too much, now.” With that, his mouth captures yours in a loving kiss before he pulls away, climbing his bus without looking back. You laugh a little at his over-dramatic crying form in the window as Suga gives you a thumbs-up, signaling his teammates were gonna take care of him. 

You give him a small wave as the bus pulls out of the parking lot, reaching up to grip the chain around your neck.

“See you soon.” 

[amedetoiles]

pls tell me your thoughts about the potential for wwx-jgy friendship? i just like the idea of them having similar experiences as like: poor street kid/poor brothel kid, would kill god for the people they care about, made of knives, incredibly charming and personable. i feel like they could have Seen each other and understood each other really well, and like, things would have ended up better maybe?

Gosh. Ok, so full disclosure before I answer this: I am really not the most sympathetic towards Jin Guangyao. I am just not a fan of him in any universe where he is complicit if not directly responsible for the death of his own child to protect his own reputation (up for debate, but nonetheless Jin Rusong fucking deserved better), gaslights his wife / half-sister into committing suicide, and has a monologue meltdown about how difficult his life has been to his own orphaned and bullied nephew whose childhood he had a hand in destroying. I am glad he got kicked down the same stairs twice, and I am glad Nie Huaisang beat him at his own game. All in all to say that my thoughts on him might be colored by this. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But let’s get into this! Jin Guangyao is a great character foil to Wei Wuxian. The circumstances of his life that shaped his morality (or lack thereof) and the choices he makes in response are tragic and understandable. I definitely think Jin Guangyao could have been a different person, a better person, if his father wasn’t such a trash heap, if society hadn’t been such a gigantic dick about his mother, and if he hadn’t needed to claw his way into achieving everything he did. Wei Wuxian says himself that he doesn’t consider Jin Guangyao a villain.

However, I hesitate to say that had they struck up a friendship, Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian could have understood each other easily and that this could have changed things. Don’t get me wrong! I can definitely see how influence could have been made where a friendship between these two would have fixed it all. Or at least improved things. Especially in association with Wei Wuxian, Jiang Yanli’s nonjudgemental kindness (under the condition that nobody hurts her little brothers) would have been extremely refreshing to Meng Yao.

But I also think the differences between Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao would have made it difficult for them to truly understand and agree with each other. And it’s these differences that ultimately decide each of their fates.

I will try to organize my thoughts on this. First, the discussion of privilege.

1. Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao are not on the same privilege level.

While both Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao are scorned in some way, shape, or form for their parents’ statuses, Wei Wuxian is still the son of cultivators. He is still the son of Cangse sanren, a disciple of a famed immortal. His pedigree and legacy are undeniable. Jin Guangyao, on the other hand, is the unwanted son of a lecherous sect leader and a sex worker. In a society where hierarchy and reputation is everything, this places Jin Guangyao in an entirely different pedigree in a way that Wei Wuxian wouldn’t be able to understand.

Wei Wuxian is also brought into the Jiang sect and given a chance to cultivate at an early age where Jin Guangyao doesn’t. Wei Wuxian can punch the heir of a rich sect leader, leading to the dissolution of his sister’s political marriage alliance, and still get nothing but a slap on the wrist because boys will be boys. He can interrupt important post-war celebration dinners to tell that same rich sect leader to fuck off with his marriage proposal and then promptly skip away without any real consequences. He can accidentally send his friend’s little brother into a murderous rampage, and his own little brother will apologize on his behalf and offer to pay reparations.

Wei Wuxian may not have the same privilege as sect heirs like Jiang Cheng or Lan Wangji, but he has far more privilege than Jin Guangyao and Su She. This is important because it is this privilege that Wei Wuxian sacrifices later in order to the protect the Wens. I am not saying Wei Wuxian doesn’t suffer. He does, a truly horrendous amount, but even without his golden core, even when his self-worth is at an all-time low, he is still supported and protected by his status in the Jiang sect until he gives it up to do the right thing. Despite Lan Xichen and the Nies, Jin Guangyao doesn’t have this same kind of backing.

(With that being said though, Jin Guangyao does become Chief Cultivator, so there is only so far one can fall back on their disadvantages in society when they have already reached the top. Being marginalized is not an excuse to be a jackass to your nephew whose parents you had a hand in killing, just saying.)

One can argue that had Jin Guangyao been raised in the Jiang sect while Wei Wuxian continued to scrape for food on the streets, their outlook on life would have been completely different. But even taking into account Jiang Yanli’s overwhelmingly positive influence on a young Meng Yao, I am still inclined to disagree because of my next point.

2. Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao are fundamentally different in how they respond/cope with public gossip and ridicule.

Wei Wuxian, for the most part, lets these comments roll off his back. This is not to say he doesn’t care or that they don’t affect him. They clearly do, and his actions, his self-perception, and his increasingly arrogant bravado as the story progresses reflect the deluge of verbal abuse he’s face with, largely at the hands of Madam Yu. But he copes by being loud, by being talented, by becoming even more outrageous and more unorthodox the more people criticize him. So what if people don’t approve? So what if people look down on his father and gossip about his mother’s supposed relationship with Jiang Fengmian? As long as he is true to himself and his moral convictions, he can walk this dark single plank road alone and without regrets.

Jin Guangyao, on the other hand, desperately and reverently wants to be included. He wants to be accepted, to be liked. He wants to be in the room where it happens. He takes every single comment to heart, carries every disdainful remark on his back like an open scar. He is both someone who loves and respect his mother and who hates her for the constant shadow she casts over him and his place in society. He will build a Guanyin statue in her likeness, in her honor. He will wear a hat because she once told him that a gentleman always wears hats. And yet, he will spend everyday of his life trying to rid himself of his connection to her.

Where Wei Wuxian recklessly cares too little about appearances and what people think of him, Jin Guangyao cares far too much. Wei Wuxian doesn’t give one flying iota about politics, about status and acclaim. He was perfectly fine with being a lotus farmer on a mountain. Even if Wei Wuxian had never been taken in by the Jiangs (and managed to survive the streets), I genuinely think he would still have been largely the same – a child who is kind, open, curious, and holds few grudges. I am not sure I can say that even under the best circumstances, Jin Guangyao wouldn’t have . It destroys him. .

This ties into my last point.

3. Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao have completely opposing priorities and beliefs on the worth of others.

Wei Wuxian will throw himself in front of anybody if his moral compass tells him it is the right thing to do. He is a genuinely open-hearted person who cares deeply about others and thinks it is morally corrupt to do nothing when something can be done. He is idealistic and optimistic, oftentimes to a fault. Jin Guangyao, as a result of his childhood and circumstances, is incredibly pessimistic and cynical. It is every person for themselves out here. The world is a crooked shitshow, conflict is inevitable, and he has to come out on top no matter what.

This leads to him sacrificing pretty much everyone in his life in order to maintain his own reputation. Like I do genuinely think Jin Guangyao truly cared about Jin Ling! I think he also in his own way cared about Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, and Nie Huaisang! But I also think a large portion of that is because he enjoyed how they made him feel. He enjoyed being liked and being depended upon. And we see clearly what happens when those benefits cease. Whereas Wei Wuxian would rather throw himself off a cliff than hurt any more people he loves, Jin Guangyao would rather push his own people off the cliff if it means his reputation and appearance remain intact. And if that’s not possible, he would rather set them on fire along with him.

This has become an entirely too long rambling essay to say that while Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao share similar experiences, their primary priorities are so different and opposing that it is hard for me to come up with a way in which a friendship between them could have changed things. Sure, Jin Guangyao could have benefited from Wei Wuxian’s unabashed and staunch defense of his friend. Anyone who talks shit about Jin Guangyao’s mother will get punched in the face, and it would maybe have made Jin Guangyao feel less alone in the world, less like he only had himself and his manipulative ways to seek acceptance.

But what happens when Wei Wuxian being Wei Wuxian runs around causing social and political uproar to do what he thinks is right? Is Jin Guangyao going to help and support him, or is he going to throw Wei Wuxian under the bus to protect his own reputation? Personally, I think the importance he places on public perception would ultimately be too great. It destroys his relationships, and it destroys him.

[anythingandi]

Ok, I need to talk about Morgan Reznick and Claire Browne a lot.

Since the first appearance of Morgan I just knew she will become one of my favorite characters, as I have a really soft spot for hard and rude characters with a good heart inside. In the first chapters, this was not so obvious but we can see that plenty in S3. With Claire I have the opposite case, I really like her and

 she’s a character portrayed to have an empathetic big heart, and she has, but I also think that deeper, she’s not so nice as it seems, we can see that in some of her important interactions with Jared, Morgan and even Shaun. 

And the thing is I found both cases perfectly fine, Claire and Morgan grew in very difficult environments that forge their characters in very specials ways. For Morgan, her lack of validation makes her harsh, competitive, and direct, the kind of person that actually cares about others but doesn’t know how to show. Claire, on her part, is compassionate, and empathic, but deep down is very, very closed on her real thoughts and feelings, she doesn’t like to share, and because she spends so much time dealing with her mother mess don’t like to take the shit off anybody. In her own way, Claire is as egoist and reclusive as morgan is. 

In S3 we could see how Morgan stand for Claire when she needs her, yes her approach wasn't the better, but she does what she could until claire shut her up, even covering Claire’s mistakes at work or her constant lateness on her shifts (this is a very unlikely behavior for someone who since her first minute on the show made it clear that would use peoples mistakes to take them down).

Then as the chapters go Claire continues her path of autodestruction on her own until could assume her mourning. After that we get all the thing of Morgan complaining about Melendez's preferences, which to this day I think was because of Morgan's jealousy on Claire but not exactly for - professional - reasons. In resume, all the second part of season 3 makes the relationship between them very rough or, rougher. They have a complex relationship because they can take the other out of their comfort zone and have zero chills on calling on the other errors but as never really have a talk can’t understand each other. I mean, they do, they have similar roots, but can’t understand how different that similar roots makes them. 

In S4 everything becomes even more complex because Claire is mourning (again!) even is not so bad as in season 3, and Morgan is mourning too. I think she wanted to be a surgeon (at first) because is a very respected and important career, that she thinks could win her family and other people approval, she is so competitive because she needs to be the best, to feel the best, she needs to feel special because she never was. Her actual arc is really difficult to see because now she doesn’t have anything, not her dream, not a support system, anything. Suddenly, she doesn’t even have a voice in her patient cases. 

And okay, Claire and Morgan are not in a good place (but neither where in season 3) still that doesn’t get in the way for Morgan to try to support Claire in her pain. Now that Morgan is suffering not only Claire is not supporting her but is also being very bitch about all Morgan’s situation constantly reminding her that she is not a surgeon and is never going to be again. 

And this situation is hella confusing because they have 2 forms of communication, the first one being normal words and the second being body language and glances. For Morgan, I always think it was obvious the peeks she trews at Claire and her jealousy, but in 4x03 we could see that look in Claire on Morgan’s interactions with the fireman. This could be my imagination or something, but I’m sure of one thing, and is that they want to talk but don’t know how to do it. 

I wish the show works on this soon because at this pace Morgan is going to a breakdown point and her relationship with Claire (friendship, sexual tension, romantic or wherever) is going down with her. 

[alpacaparkaseok]

7 Secrets <pt. 4>

GENRE: Soulmate!au BTS!

WARNINGS: none

WORD COUNT: 3274

Part 4 woohoo! I just really love these girls and their friendships with each other. I kind of wanted to spotlight some of their friendships/back story a bit more in this chapter, just to round out the story a bit more. I swear we’re getting to the good stuff. Also, has anybody else noticed that the word count is steadily increasing? Lol you don’t mind, right? Anyways, thanks so so so much for all the love the story has received so far, I was seriously not expecting anybody to even see it haha. So thank you, it means so much! I’ll probably have part 5 up really soon! Enjoy!

By the time morning rolls around, I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. A quick glance at my phone tells me what I need to know: it’s nearly 10:30. I wince at the time, it’s a rare occurrence when I sleep in for this long. However, judging from my jet-lag and my eyes that are still a little red and puffy from my emotional breakdown last night, I’ll let this one slide. Heaven knows I needed some extra rest.

I stretch and put on one of the hoodies I left behind in my closet from last year, glaring at my suitcases that still need to be unpacked. I’ll add that to the to-do list for today.

Brushing my teeth, I inspect myself in the mirror. I already feel lighter, more at ease. It was a good thing to open up last night. All of my worries haven’t been put to rest, but I feel less overwhelmed. Happier, too. Happier than I’ve felt in a while.

As I descend the stairs to the main level I can hear the mixture of voices, Ichika’s voice piercing through the others as she talks about running out of her favorite cereal.

“Wow,” I mumble as I finally enter the kitchen and dining area. “I think this is the first time everybody else is up before me.”

“Did we wake you up?” Seohyun looks guilty, but I shake my head no.

“Just woke up, actually. I can’t believe I slept for so long. Where’s Soon?” I notice that there is one missing.

“In here!” I follow the sound of her voice, leading me to the living room where she sits underneath some blankets on the couch. The TV is on, and I scowl as my heart kicks into high gear.

It must be the boys’ latest interview, I haven’t seen this one yet. I curl up next to Soon silently, and she resumes her focused attention on the TV. While Kyun-soon may not be as outward in her devotion to the boys, Jin in particular, she is always the first to watch the latest interviews and performances. That is, when we don’t watch them together.

“Which one is this?” I whisper, careful to not distract her too much. Her eyes glisten, and I turn to see Jin giggling in the background.

“iHeart radio,” she whispers back.

Eventually everyone wanders in after hearing the boys’ voices drifting in from the living room. Ichika munches loudly on some toast before nearly choking on it when Taehyung comments on something.

“Ugh,” she groans as we laugh at her. Nobody can blame her, it’s happened to the best of us. “That boy is going to be the death of me.”

I try my best to focus on all of the boys, but I can’t help it if my eyes keep drifting back to Namjoon. He sits in the front as per usual, Jimin on his right. He has a pleasant smile on his face, and not for the first time do I wonder what goes on in his head during these interviews. If he thinks that the interviewers questions are as dumb as I do.

A single camera is in the living room. There’s one other in the entire house, in the kitchen. They automatically turn on at certain times of day, the schedule is hanging up on the fridge. I’m rarely in the living room as is, much less when I know the camera is on. A quick glance confirms my suspicions; there’s a little red light on the camera. It’s filming us. Try as I might, I still can’t help but react when Namjoon offers his adorable dimpled smile at the end, thanking the interviewer and ARMY for the interview.

“Thanks for having us!” Namjoon’s voice echoes through the apartment. “We love you ARMY! We can’t wait to see you soon!” He blows a kiss to the camera, then immediately gets embarrassed after.

I get embarrassed too, the red in my cheeks all too noticeable.

“Aw, look at Beth! She’s embarrassed!” Himari pokes my side, and I tug at Soon’s blanket in order to hide my face.

“So cute!” Seohyun giggles from where she stands behind the couch. “You two are just alike. Oh my gosh you’re going to be so awkward around each other, aren’t you.”

I glare up at her, Seohyun chuckling lightly even as her eyes remained glued to the screen. “I’m not embarrassed…”

Aera laughs wickedly. “Not embarrassed? Beth, I’m sorry, but as cool and calm as you try to be, we all know what your weakness is.”

We laugh together, even as the interview ends and something else comes up on the television. It’s mere background noise as I try to deal with the sudden flood of emptiness that overtakes me. No, not today, I tell myself. I feel happy today.

“What’s the plan for today, boss?” Himari asks, taunting me with the nickname I usually use for her.

I yawn, stretching against Soon who doesn’t seem to mind. No doubt her mind is elsewhere at the moment.

“Well, I’ve got an editorial meeting this afternoon for Webtoon,” I sigh, rolling my neck. “Then I’m free for the rest of the day after that. What are you guys going to be up to?”

Everyone goes about talking about their plans. All of us have some form of work, Minsuh and Seohyun are attending university too. I plan on jumping back into school for my master’s soon, but I just can’t decide where to go yet. It would be fun going to school with them, though. It’s hard to decide when I’m constantly traveling, I’ll probably have to settle for online classes.

Minsuh and Seohyun excuse themselves to go to class together, promising to be back before I get back from my meeting. I smile at Seohyun’s backpack, an assortment of pins adorning it. The centerpiece, of course, is a “Trivia: Seesaw” pin.

Kyung-soon yawns, easing herself off the couch. “I’ve got a couple of clients today, so I’ll be out until later. But I bet I’ll be back before you, too. Your meetings last forever.”

I grunt in agreement. They do last forever. Long enough for Soon to show two different clients houses and still finish before me.

“Where are the houses that you’re showing?” Soon is a respected realtor in Seoul, and it’s no secret that she loves her job. She can make any house a home, in my opinion. She certainly has a knack for making people feel at home, myself included. She’s one of the reasons I survived those first few months after I found out about my soulmate.

“Not that far, you know that one night market you got lost in for hours and Himari and I had to come pick you up?” Himari chuckles at the memory even as I wince at the embarrassing moment.

“Yup,” I mumble. “It’s close to there?”

“No,” Soon gives me an evil smile. “I just wanted to embarrass you again.”

I launch myself off the couch after Kyung-soon, caught between yelling and laughing. She’s smart, locking herself in the nearest bathroom where I can’t get to her.

When I return to the living room Aera, Ichika, and Himari are wiping the tears off their faces as they laugh at me.

“That really was embarrassing,” Himari says. “How long were you lost again?”

“Oh, shut up.”

↔

The rest of the morning passes with no further incidents, although I do go about cursing at my luggage as each suitcase seems to have no end in sight. I typically stay for roughly six months at a time here, which is what I’ve planned for. That should put me here over Christmas this year, returning at the tail-end of January. Just in time for tax-season in the states.

It would be a real pity if I missed that, now wouldn’t it? Himari and Ichika sneak into my room to observe the damage, wincing as I tell them that I still have one bag left to go.

“We’ll be back in a bit, but if we aren’t back in time for your meeting, good luck!” Ichika gives me a thumbs up before heading back downstairs. Himari lingers for a moment, assessing the piles of clothes I’m currently trapped between.

“Having fun?”

I give a dry laugh. “You have no idea. Ready for your lesson?” Himari and Ichika work together, tutoring kids in Japanese. They tend to spend the majority of their time here every year, and over the past three years they’ve created quite the reputation. Apparently the two of them are a dynamic duo.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Himari replies. She’s hesitating, that much I can tell. We may have only known each other for three years, but we know each other inside and out. Outlandish circumstances tend to lead to strong bonds.

“What are you wanting to say?”

She laughs at my intuition. “Ah, right. That. It’s just,” she fidgets in my doorway. “Are you doing ok? I saw you and Kyung-soon up on the balcony last night, it looked like you were having quite the conversation.”

I sigh, a little surprised that I didn’t notice when the others came back. I must have been in my own little world last night.

“I’m...better now. I was just overwhelmed, and Soon was able to wring some emotions out of me.”

Himari nods, the concern in her face fading. “Good, I’m glad. You know, Beth, you can talk to me if you need to. I was getting worried over the last little while, it’s been hard not seeing you and having to guess about your emotional state. If you need anything, I’m here.”

I stop folding a shirt, laying it aside as I rise and make my way to Himari. She meets me halfway, enveloping me in a tight hug. Neither one of us talk about our emotions very often, rarely do I feel the need to. But the fact that she’s so willing to listen makes me thank my lucky stars for friends like Himari.

“Thanks, Himi. I’m so lucky to have you, truly.”

“Oh, I know.”

With that Himari leaves me to my unpacking frenzy, leaving me alone in the house with Aera. It doesn’t take long until she’s knocking on my door, her room just down the hall from my own.

“Need any help?”

“Please.”

With the two of us working together we finish much sooner than I had anticipated. Aera makes me laugh, stating that she thought I should have brought more clothes.

“What do you mean more clothes? I’m pretty sure these are all of the clothes I own.”

Aera looks at me in feigned shock. “Are you kidding me? It’s high time I take you shopping. What time is it?”

We check the clock and notice that I only have a couple of hours left before I have to leave for my meeting. Not nearly enough time to go shopping. Especially not in the huge city of Seoul. Instead we settle on my bed, the two of us staring wistfully at my photo of Jeju Island.

“We should go back,” Aera mumbles from beside me. I hum in agreement. “That was such a great weekend.”

“That weekend was the weirdest weekend of my life.” I laugh as Aera smacks my shoulder. “What? It was! Within literally one week I found out I had a soulmate, he was famous and one of my role models in life, and that I had these six other girls in the same situation and I was shipped off to an island for a weekend to ‘bond’ with them. Don’t tell me that’s not weird.”

Aera nods beside me, eyes sparkling as she recalls that weekend. “Yeah, it was weird I guess. I don’t know, I was just so happy that I had six new best friends who would always be linked to me since our soulmates are inextricably linked with each other. I had thought for so long that I would be all alone on this crazy journey. I guess I was just so happy that I wasn’t alone anymore that I didn’t think about the weirdness of it all.”

I forgot about that. Aera was the first soulmate BigHit found. She’s from downtown Seoul, certainly the closest to our boys. Apparently Mr. Bang found her almost six months before he found me. He hadn’t informed her when he found the others, preferring to not get her hopes up until all of us were found and agreed to the terms of agreement he set us.

When I think about those six months Aera went through all alone, not able to tell another soul that she was impossibly linked with Park Jimin, I can’t help but admire her even more for her quiet strength.

“That must have been horrible, not being able to talk to anybody about it.”

Aera only nods, eyes still glued to the photo. “I’m not going to lie, it was. I thought I was going insane most of the time.” She laughs drily at the memory, and I scoot closer to her. “Do you remember what it was like meeting each other? For a second I thought that Mr. Bang had messed up and that we were soulmates!” She shoots me a fond smile.

“You can say that again.”

“Why would I say it again?”

We look at each other blankly before I burst out into laughter. “Oh, sorry! It’s a phrase in English. I guess it doesn’t translate over very well, does it?” We both giggle, the moment seeming so calm. “It’s true, though. What you said. We all just...clicked. It makes me wonder.”

The moment I walked through the doors of the house we were staying at and met my six best friends, the world became a much brighter place. I had arrived later in the day due to meetings, and I had been so nervous. I was cursing myself the whole ride over, calling myself an idiot for agreeing to Mr. Bang’s idea of “bonding” with my soul sisters. It seemed like a ridiculous idea, but the thought of having other people to lean on and talk to was too tempting to pass up.

The second I met the others, I could feel the warmth and love our friendship would bring. It was like, for a split second, I experienced all the emotions we would go through together. The heart-wrenching tears, the nights filled with laughter and silly antics, the worry and adoration for each other. Above all else, I felt the pillar of support that promised to be a constant throughout our friendship.

It was, in a word, overwhelming. Which I’ve noticed has become a common theme over the past few years. Overwhelming, yet exhilarating.

“Wonder about how it will be to meet Namjoon?”

I nod, laughing at how even the mention of my soulmate seems to have me melting. It can be inconvenient at times, especially when I’m in a meeting and somebody brings up the band. It’s pretty hard to play it cool, so instead I’ve learned to just excuse myself to the bathroom whenever that happens. Can’t have anybody thinking that I’ve got a schoolgirl crush on BTS.

“Well, look at it this way.” Aera rolls off of my bed, stretching like a cat. “I’m probably just going to pass out. No questions asked. The second I lock eyes with Park Jimin, I’m going to pass out cold.” I let out a startled laugh as Aera feigns seriousness. “So, as long as you don’t pass out, you should be good. I’ll take up all the embarrassment, there won’t even be enough left for you. Which is good, I think. Because if it was that intense just meeting you guys, and we’re not even directly connected, then I can only imagine how intense it’s going to be with those weirdos.”

With that little speech, Aera flicks a strand of long brown hair over her shoulder and marches out of my room, leaving me dumbstruck.

“Um, Aera?” I call after her, heading toward the bathroom to finally get ready for my meeting.

“Yeah?”

“I really hope I get that on video.”

“What, me passing out in front of Jimin?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh-ho, you’ll regret it if you do. Better watch it, little girl.”

↔

It’s been so long since I’ve been in Seoul that I decide to leave nearly an hour early for my meeting, taking the option of the bus over car. Aera didn’t mind, she was leaving anyways. She was off to a high-end boutique she had just pitched some designs to. She was obviously nervous, but I had no doubt the boutique would gladly welcome her ideas. Aera was an up and coming designer, she had even recently designed a dress that was worn overseas at a film premier.

I was on the bus for just shy of an hour as it made its way across Seoul. I didn’t mind one bit, it allowed me some extra time to simply reconnect with the city and map it out in my head. It was something I often did, in order to prevent future mishaps...like getting lost at a certain night market for hours on end.

I was so lost in my mental map-making that I almost didn’t notice the bus’s approach to the Webtoon office building. Scrambling off the bus, I made my way to my first meeting.

Everything went pretty much according to schedule. I was able to review the panels that my illustrators had prepared for the upcoming season of my book-converted-toon “Young Rising”.

It was all too easy to dive into the work that awaited me there, happy to back among my friend and editor. He was the same prestigious editor who had been there that day Mr. Bang came to visit me. I have no idea what Mr. Bang told him, but my editor never asked me any questions about it.

Apparently it was so nice to be back that I didn’t even notice the time until the sun had set. I glared at the clock on the wall in the drawing room, claiming that it was already well after 9 pm. Add a bus ride onto that, and I won’t be home until nearly 11. I pulled out my phone to text the girls only to find a flurry of texts already waiting for me.

7:32 Himari loml: Don’t tell me you’ve decided to go back to the states already, you just barely unpacked.

8:01 Himari loml: Wow, did you miss work that much? More than me?

8:17 Aera 💛: Are you staying late tonight? Let me know.

9:08 Kyung-soon☺️: I swear if you’re lost at another night market, I’m not coming to get you.

9:28 Kyung-soon☺️: I’M KIDDING I SWEAR TELL ME IF YOU’RE LOST I’LL COME GET YOU

9:32 Ichi: Beth I drew you a picture while I was in class, come home so I can give it to you.

9:38 Himari loml: Ok

9:38 Himari loml: We’ve got a situation here

9:39 Himari loml: Seriously, come home ASAP

9:41 Himari loml: Minsuh is on her way to the office rn. Let me know when you get this.

What started out making me roll my eyes suddenly comes to a halt as I keep scrolling through my notifications. It’s only when I return Himari’s text, letting her know that I’m fine, that I notice the missed call from 9:35.

Missed call: Bang PD 😟

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taglist: @mae-musicbitch

[bronan]

Tezz, 4 and 7

4. Fears

okay this is gonna sound corny af but short answer I think Tezz is afraid of being alone again. 

Super long answer: I think Tezz’s biggest fear, hands down, is growing attached to someone and then losing them. I’m sure he got so used to only relying on himself and not needing anybody else. Maybe it’s a little scary to think about getting close to others, now. I’m sure it’s really scary, actually. He probably didn’t even know where to begin. It just feels like child Tezz didn’t have any friends and maybe this experience with bf5 is his first real foray into friendship. 

so like imagine that you finally get rescued after being stuck on an alien moon for nine years right, you were there for so long it just became the new normal for you. You had zero human interaction but you had resources to study sentient culture - at that point, with so many formative years spent alone, don’t you think Tezz might feel more sentient than human?? Like of course he’s a human but maybe he tries to impose these restrictions on himself to act less so. Be practical, be logical, don’t be ruled by your feelings, etc. 

obviously he failed at that LMAO because Tezz is, in reality, a guy who you can tell yearns for companionship and who latches on so fiercely he would die for someone he barely knows because he decided he does care about them. I’m sure he didn’t see that coming, but we never really know how we’ll respond to a situation until we experience it firsthand. And I really enjoyed how human they made Tezz, after all. He could have been some cold, emotionless person who had to be taught how to smile at a joke, but Tezz is really a lonely 18 year old who has gone through some really rough shit and has been welcomed into this little family and accepted for who he is, snarky parts and all. He has a leader who always has his back and a team who will rally for him even when he drives them crazy because they know he’s been through a lot and they’re doing their best to have patience with him.

maybe Tezz never outright says it but I’m sure he’s deeply touched by that. He’s got to have some self-awareness and know that he’s abrasive at times, cocky, opinionated, rude. And he has a huge case of “I know best” which we know just always works with that team lmao. So really, for the team to be so patient with Tezz and willing to help him integrate back into society like... fucking well done kdsflssk it’s just so sweet honestly. They all kind of went back and forth and expressed their desire to kill him at least once I think but you had to dish it back to Tezz or else he’d walk all over you. Now they are one happy family and it’s all good and seeing Tezz’s growth in particular was so just mega wholesome and GOOD 

AND I WENT OFF TRACK AS ALWAYS KJSFKS every single time I get an ask about Tezz I just am like “let us now look back two hundred years to when it all started-”

ANYWAY

so taking all of that rambling I just did into consideration it’s like, Tezz just. I know he loves so fiercely. He tries to deny it, hide it, whatever, but he gets attached and he loves hard. He’d die for the ones he cares about. Didn’t he try to sacrifice himself without any hesitation in Rumble in the Jungle or whatever?? Like if Tezz genuinely likes you, you’re in, dude. 

So in summary that’s why I guess I just feel like Tezz would be so so so afraid of losing someone he’s grown to care about. He’s had everything taken away from him once already, and now he’s gained these friendships, this new life, these new opportunities and he has people who love him for who he is and I think the thought of losing any single one of them is like...inconceivable!! lmao.

And yeah I know I know a big part of Tezz always rushing off into reckless stuff was because he was cocky but your honor we can’t forget the times he went out of his way just to protect someone, it was king shit

of course this could all be absolute nonsense and I may just be talking out of my ass dsfsjfgjk 🥴 but I love the idea of Tezz with the big big heart who just doesn’t know what to do with himself when he loves someone except to offer up everything he has to make sure they’re safe. 

7. Travel

I feel like Tezz hadn’t traveled much beyond, you know, going into space from home, not until he joined bf5. Maybe he and his family took trips but with Tezz’s personality and interests, it seems like he would have been happy to stay at home where he could work on his experiments as often as possible. He was just a kid but man, he was focused, lol. Probably didn’t get out much or have any friends, one of those “all I need are my projects” kind of child. 

Now that he’s wild and free to roam the multiverse with his team, I think his curiosity can and does take him anywhere. I could see Tezz eagerly wanting to visit all kinds of planets and places in order to glean as much information as he could about the local flora/fauna, species, technology, etc, especially given how he’s working on a map of the multiverse. Now that Tezz is aware that there’s much more out there, he wants to see it all and to know it, understand it. It’s characters with that kind of insatiable curiosity that make great adventurers, you know? 😳

I feel that Tezz was desperately seeking the comfort of being home for a very long time, but he realized that home is wherever he feels it is and when he’s with bf5, he is home, so he can go anywhere with them. Okay I got really sappy sorry 🥺 I love tezz and so does the team