#(sorry for rambling i have a lot of thoughts positive and negative. but overall i need a season 2 i need more time with these characters..)

[azulsejos]

s2 + golbetty centric episode prayer circle 🍎💝

[factual-fantasy]

23-ish Asks! :DD Fun pictures ahead!

--!!FNAF MOVIE SPOILERS!!--

@mbm-artist @pinkbomb08 @tadssstrange

AH! Happy Halloween! Sorry I am late to respond to you trick or treaters. I have been really busy lately with a project. For your patience and for waiting at my door step for several days- I reward you with only the finest delicacies I have to offer,

Be sure to devour it all in 1 sitting ya hear? :}

@jackal-lantern @trotg2367

I have seen the FNAF movie. And I have more negative things to say than positive <XD

The positive things being, MAT PAT YEAAAAHHHH- The first spook with Bonnie following the formula of the first game was THE BEST THING EVER. I'm so glad that Markiplier was fully intended to be a part of the movie. Its a bummer that he couldn't make it but its the thought that counts. <:) (He was busy working on Iron Lung and the schedules just didn't line up. He explains it all in this stream-)

Now for the negatives. Oh boy <XD Out of order- the movie wasn't nearly as scary as I expected. I was kind'a disappointed really. That 1 tense scene with Bonnie disappearing off stage was EXCELLENT but otherwise the scares were kind'a lackluster.. I feel like the scare with Foxy running down the hall needed the added sound of his thumping foot steps getting louder as they approached. Like in the game. That would have been scarier to me and would have been a call back, like Bonnie! Although I do appreciate that it was added at all. I would have been more disappointed if there wasn't a Foxy running down the hall scene <XD

Of course I wasn't a fan of the carbon copy of Vanessa being Williams daughter for obvious lore reasons. I didn't like how much the animatronics moved and how blatantly alive they were. It took away so much of the horror for me. Also how quickly Mike just.. accepted that they were ghosts?? It took like 3 minutes to convince him. I wished they had stuck with the scares and the atmosphere of the first game. It would have been a lot scarier to me that way. Also not even mentioning the missed scare of someone opening one of their stomachs and finding a dead child all disfigured and crammed inside..

Also the animatronics looked FANTASTIC, although.. considering that Freddy's has been shut down for a while. Wouldn't they be a bit more worn? Like, they're in mint condition. While the building around them is in shambles and dirty. You could say Vanessa has been keeping up the maintenance, but I still think they'd show some age.. also missed opportunity to make them scarier by making them look like the withers! Bonnie's face falling off to show a disfigured childs face behind?? Dude the missed potential!

I also don't like the inclusion if Springtrap for lore reasons. That happens later! Also WHY is the Spring Bonnie suit all worn and messed up? That happens AFTER he gets spring locked! People would still know its William/Springtrap without making the suit already worn and old- GAAHHH! I could ramble on and on about all the stupid little nit picks I have about this movie. I have been a fan for a long time and had high expectations. But that doesn't mean I should rip this movie to shreds.

I gotta stop looking at all the down sides and really focus on the things I loved. The animatronics looked amazing, they were perfect. Especially Foxy. The inclusion/intended inclusion of Mat Pat, Markiplier and Cory(?) was wonderful. And a total surprise to me! The movie wasn't as bad as I feared it would be. It definitely wasn't as bad as it could have been. And for that I am grateful.

Overall I give ittt.... mmmm, a 5-6 out of 10..? <:D

Over the span of 10 years? Yeah.. likely 100s.. :(

I kind'a imagined the mirrors as like.. pressing the walls of two timelines/AUs together and poking a hole through them. There isn't really a space in between, its like a doorway. Now that's not to say that those void spaces don't exist- I'm just saying that how I imagined Jevil mirrors to work.

Could poking those metaphorical holes in the walls of an AU be more.. literal? Could Jevil going in and out of an AU multiple times eventually harm it in someway? Who knows.. Jevil would rather not dwell on it <XD

You're right on the money pal. All of Jevils food is given to Seam. He wont eat unless Seam has eaten. He wont sleep unless Seam is already asleep. He cant sleep when he tries but still All their new clothes and blankets go right to Seam. If they're camping out in the woods? Jevil will stay awake the whole night to keep the fire going.

Its really hard for Seam to see Jevil like this. Seam tries really hard to cover up when he's uncomfortable or unwell. He tries to keep up an image and tries to reassure Jevil that he's alright. But sometimes he just cant. Sometimes he's so hungry he's doubled over in pain with tears welling in his eye. Sometimes he's aching so much that he cant move. Sometimes he's so cold he loses feeling in his hands and feet..

He cant hide it then. And he cant convince Jevil that he needs to eat too. That he needs sleep too. Its really hard for the both of them..

Thaaaat would not work for my Seam <XD

My Seam is more of an organic creature rather than a stuffed doll. Cutting off his hands would just cause him to bleed. A lot. And without a powerful Darkener that can heal, I don't know if they could be reattached-

Peach/Mario and Daisy/Luigi are like, the ONLY exceptions I can think of. Both of those pairings are like, 99% canon/heavily suggested. If not just straight up canon.

Also unlike other ships/canon stuff, I really like those two pairings. I think they're neat :}

Its hard to say who had the worse punishment. I mean, suffering is suffering. And if you asked Seam, he'd say Jevil suffered more. And if you asked Jevil he'd say Seam suffered more. I guess its a matter of what you think is worse.

Jevil was locked away for years, by his own best friend. That magical aura that used to be his only comfort was now oppressing him. He was locked away with no contact with anyone for years. Except maybe occasionally King would venture down there and beat him up. Just to make Seam upset or becuase he just felt like it.

He was alone for years. It was dark, cold, and maddening. Always on the edge of starving and living in fear everyday that King would come back and beat him up again. His best friend had betrayed him.. yet he was still scared for Seam. He was all alone up there. Who knows how the King is treating him.. it was horrible..

Then you have Seam. Forced between a rock and a hard place. He betrayed his best friend and has lived with the crushing guilt ever since. He tried to visit Jevil to apologize, to explain himself- but he was caught.

His eye was gouged out and his mouth stitched shut. His neck and wrists were bound by shackles. He did his very best to bend to the Kings will. In hopes that King would not hurt him. But it was never enough. Seam suffered constant abuse by the King for years. The shackles drained his energy but he was still required to preform for the King. Its like King was toying with him, trying to see how far he would bend before breaking.

It took Jevil disappearing from his cell to break him. Seam thought that Jevil had died. His best friend. Who he had wronged and locked away, just died. All alone in a cell that he made.

As if it couldn't get worse. King accused him of letting Jevil go. And he was going to be punished for it. With Jevil dead, and a no doubt horrible punishment awaiting him.. there was nothing left to live for.. so he tried to.. well. You know..

Thankfully Jevil showed up just in time and got them both out of there! Ahahahahh aaaa <:DDDD Yeahh,,,,

Yes! Exactly! :D I go off the idea that Undertale and Deltarune are the "original" timelines. And everyone from my AU is from some kind of offshoot of those two timelines.

The chains don't make him sick to his stomach thankfully. But they do make him weaker in every way. His immune system is weakened, so he's more vulnerable to catching viruses.

His energy is also completely sapped. He feels sore and hungry all the time. He likely deals with back and shoulder pain due to the neck shackle and having to hold up his arms all the time.. :(

As much as Asgore might want to give that wretched King a piece of his mind.. Asgore isn't a fool. If he ever encountered the King, his immediate goal would be to get himself, and the rest of the group as far away from him as possible.

He didn't mistake him for another Spade King no,, but Seam and Jevil immediately noticed his royal vibe/appearance and was rather unsettled.. :{

@neojet280

Awww, the gang take big sleepies :}}

Grillby does eventually come around and apologize for beatin up Jevil. Jevil is quick to forgive him and states there's no hard feelings. :}

Thankfully Jevil does end up fully healing with minimal to no scarring. The burns looked pretty bad but Jevil was only held for a few seconds. Plus Darkeners probably heal differently so I'd like to say he ended up just fine :} 👍

I wasn't able to find the sketches I made of this--

But what I had in mind was DA was like this giant flat sun/moon with 2 white gloved, disembodied hands. He looks like this basically-

He is attached to the ceiling/walls and probably roams around playing music and monitoring everything. His personality is somewhat the same but he's more mellow and relaxed. He runs the arcade naturally.

I pictured DJMM looking like my Glamrock DJ but clown themed maybe? His proportions could be different and maybe his face is changed up a bit.. but overall its just DJ as a clown and he runs the daycare. His personality is mostly the same but he's more energetic.

@tallchest13-blog

XD I'm thinking that King will get what's coming to him eventually..

(Also thank you so much! :}})

The sad part about that is Seam isn't even that old. He's maybe in his 40-50s I imagined. He just looks so much older because all the stress and abuse has really weighed him down/aged him.. :'(((

Almost,, but no. Typically a generational gap is measured by 15-20 years. I imagined that the age gap between Seam and Jevil to be around 10-15 years or so..? So not quite intergenerational. :/

@soft-kachan

That miiiiiight make his grief worse..? I'm no expert on grief thankfully- but I imagine having a plushie that looks like your dead child miiiight stunt the healing process..?

What Grillby needs is to heal and move on from those deaths. So maybe not a plush of his child, but just a plush of something in general? Something that he can hold/hug when he needs too. If not that maybe Seam could make use of that fire proof fabric and make him some new clothes? 👀

@petra-creat0r

AAAAAA THANK YOUU SO MUCH!!!! 💗💗😭🍤💗

A while ago I actually drew what I imagine true swap Vanessa to look like! :}

Short-ish blonde hair that's tied up in a ponytail, purple Bonnie sweater and maybe bowling ally friendly yellow sneakers? Bandages on the face and baggy socks, all what you'd expect.

Now for Gregory I imagined his hair is cut neat and short. Maybe he's totally clean shaven as well. He's unusually neat and spiffy.. Almost like he's trying to keep up a clean and organized image..? 👀

His backstory will probably be similar/the same as Vanessa's. And his costume will probably be based off Fredbear instead of Spring Bonnie. Not sure what his other name would be though.. 🤔

@beryl-shade

This post I made talks all about Grillby's color changes and what they mean. So I'll take a snip bit of it! :}

If its hard to read the TLDR is that he's sad and burning very hot. :( Though the Deltarune AU Grillby is less "I'm sad :( I burn hotter now" and more "I am overcome with grief and have completely lost control of my body" :x

[lenievi]

Hi!

I've looked it up in the Help center and it can be that your settings are set to not receiving messages from blogs you are not subscribed to? Or maybe I am just actually shadowbanned, who knows.

What you say about the show makes me sad and happy at the same time. I definitely would love to see as much of Kirk-centerd content as possible, because a) he is hot and I mean not only by his looks b) he differs the most from his fanon version I think and I like him better in the show c) I suppose he is a perfectly typical character for the 60's and I've read that Spock's inner conflict and it's popularity among the viewers was unpredictable, but ironically 60 years later the spockian type of character is familiar to me, but I have never actually seen a character like Kirk (probably because it's super old-fashioned lol) so yeah, I'm exited :>

But I will miss the McKirk interactions as well. I think there are not enough of them now, I hoped there will be more and not fewer :( And that exactly because of their complicated friendship as you described it (btw, sorry, I haven't made myself clear: I didn't meen that you saw any sexual relationships in the show, I meant that I haven't thought about them at all). Sometimes I just want to watch them interact but sometimes I just... I know it's silly but I always get offended on McCoy's behalf so sometimes I think it would be cool when after Kirk apologizes McCoy wouldn't forgive him right away because I am still angry at Kirk. My heart breaks every time Bones backpedals to "sir/captain". If I could write I would once write a sweet revenge fic, but now I think it doesn't contradict mckirk (don't listen to me, I'm just rambling ^^")

But overall I just think that sexual drive simplifies things, you know? In a story at least, because we have like set frames of how a romantic/sexual relationship should feel like and play out, but we have much less rules abot describing a strong friendship. That gives room to a lot of nuances (in theory) but I personally would never write something this complicated and I doubt that many people would. So romantic love it is.

Ok, I have to stop myself now before I write you another ill-structured essay. But do you have any thoughts about het-relationships (in canon or fanon)? I would be interested to hear them :)

P.S.: I wouldn't like to appear a creep but I've seen your post about discord. My friend made me recently create an account there and I was wondering how I could use it. It appears that I can use it to ask you if you would like to watch TOS with me someday? I mean, for you it would be rewatching and possibly in the wrong order (apparently not in the production one), but, yeah, anyway. *makes an awkward courtesy and disappers*

No, anyone can send messages to me. I tried sending a message to you, but tumblr says you don't exist. Trying to mention you like @justyouwaitenryiggins also doesn't work… but yeah, like I said, feel free to send a discord friend request! And we can talk over there!

Yes, Kirk as a character is really great in the show when you actually allow yourself to see the show without the preconcieved notions from pop-culture/fanon (but I also understand why some people don't like him, and I think your "he's old-fashioned" figures into it. You might see posts by me where I'm like wtf Kirk; I've had and still have a very complicated relationships with Kirk). I also agree that nowadays a character like Kirk is hard to recreate, because of those old-fashioned ways - positive and negative, and any modern Kirk needs to be tweaked to fit modern times. (At least I've been thinking around these lines for a while, especially in regards to the newest iteration lol)

Oh, it's not as if they aren't there, they're just less. It's just that they can sometimes be overshadowed (hence why it's the least popular), but if you pay attention, it's there, always. There's still a lot of scenes and moments to look forward to! They really have such a nice relationship throughout the whole show, and in the tos movies as well!

"I always get offended on McCoy's behalf" hahaha I know there's a lot of people like that, especially if their fave character is McCoy, but for me, it's a part of their dynamic, and a reason why I like it. But I'm also just a fan of messed-up relationships in general…

I personally don't think that sex simplifies things, but I also personally prefer to write stories that aren't traditional romantic/sexual relationships… which is why I like spones because I hc Spock on the aroace spectrum (and when I write McCoy with Spock, he's also somewhere on the spectrum), so it allows me to explore different aspects of "romance" that doesn't necessarily need to be traditional or follow a certain formula. With mckirk, it's different though... I'd actually love to write just platonic spones or mckirk but…. sometimes the characters want to kiss (or more). It's not my fault lol

I don't mind essays LOL I'm also better at rambling when I get a concrete topic, but if you search T'Pring on my blog, you'll probably find some posts on how I love Spock/T'Pring (but there might be also some Strange New Worlds spoilers) I'm also a fan of Kirk/Rand (Kirk's strong interest in Rand was basically the reason why I started to ship spones when I watched TOS for the first time, despite coming into TOS with aos!mckirk bias) - you could see me putting it into the Conscience of the King coda too. And I like several of Kirk's relationships with women in the show. If you're interested in something specific, just ask!

LOL I rewatch random TOS episodes all the time. I do think about the "continuity" in the production order, but I watch randomly now. There are some episodes I don't want to rewatch because I either find them boring or for other reasons, though.

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Given that fandom has decided to be aggressively negative this season, I figured I’d carve out a little corner of positivity for myself, so. Here we are. Stuff I liked about Supergirl ep. 6x02 “A Few Good Women”

Spoilers!

I’m not really a fan of vampires but you know what I am a fan of? Deep comics cuts! The planet of Transilvane and its vampiric inhabitants were introduced in Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #142-143, written by Jack Kirby!

I like the effect they’re using on Kara’s eyes in the Phantom Zone. It’s both creepy and cool.

Personally, I thought the way they set up the courtroom was a really nice work-around for Covid restrictions. 

As always, I am forced to admit that I enjoy seeing Lex and Lillian snark and yell at each other.

But also yes. I am...ready to be done with the Luthors.

All three of them honestly.

And then we got PAPA ZOR-EL.

He is a space dad, but not a Space Dad. 

In addition to Nu!Zor (Now with more facial hair!) we got a little bit of...I think it’s “You Will Do Extraordinary Things” and of course, everyone’s fav, “Harnessing Anger”. Love that good score.

(I’ll get to Kara in a sec, I wanna have space to ramble.)

Mmmm, some other good stuff...

Oh, of course. ACTUAL SPACE DAD!

AND M’GANN!

I love that M’gann has stuck around at the outset of this season. IDK if she’s set to appear beyond this initial stretch, but man, I wish she would.

Like yes, it’s a whole other character they have to serve in an already large ensemble cast, but she brings such a nice energy to the group, and plays well off of J’onn. 

I diiiiiiig it. 

Also, she knows the Super Friends well, in that she correctly assessed that they needed pizza after their defeat.

BUT BRAINY JUST RUINED THAT PIZZA BY HOISTING THE BOX VERTICALLY BOY WHAT ARE YOU DOING????

And J’onn. DEAR J’ONN. CELESTIAL FATHER. DEEPLY CONCERNED FOR THE SAFETY OF HIS KIDDO.

*through the tears* We love to see it. 

Okay, backtracking a little...

It’s not intentional, but I kinda chuckled, because after everyone being like, ‘The Phantom Zone is hell!!!’ all throughout the episode, it was funny that Nia dreamt of a giant ‘Midvale High School’ sign while trying to find Kara in the simulation. Like, yes, actually, High School is Hell.

Again, not what they were going for, but. Still. Funny.

Oh! Also! Brainy’s pep talk with Nia was very nice! 

“She’s more than just Supergirl. She’s Kara. She’s our beacon through the darkness.”

*with quiet reverence* Yeah.

Also loved the reminder that the Legion is inspired not by Superboy, but by Supergirl in this universe. 

We didn’t have a ton of Will content but I like what we got! 

Okay, time to talk about Kara.

OUR POOR KID.

But also yes, yes, what a beautiful statement on Kara as a character, and what motivates her. What pushes her forward.

Kara fights. Kara is not content to sit around and...how does she phrase it. ‘Exist for the sake of it.’ She does not allow the difficulties she’s faced in life to stop her. 

The fandom always wants her to dwell on her anger and sadness but that’s just not WHO SHE IS as a character. She told J’onn, waaaaaaay back in season one, AND I QUOTE:

“I lost everything. It makes a hole in your heart, but you can’t fall into it. You have to fill it. You have to fight.”

So I’m sorry, fandom, but your cries of OOC and whatnot are just. Incorrect.

And then there’s the Phantom showdown which is fine (we get a nice pep talk from Alex) and SPEAKING OF, towards the end of the episode, we get...

ALEX’S FEEEEEEEELINGS

She’s feeling them and they hurt.

Like. A lot.

Also, saddest pile of potstickers.

(Thinking about Alex chucking the takeout container reminded me of the previous scene where Brainy also physically reacts and delivers the excellent line: These 21st century keyboards SUCK!)

(Yeah man, get a mechanical keyboard with cherry MX switches, none of that low profile membrane nonsense.)   

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode. It had more of that, ‘fresh’, new season feeling, and still maintained the Good Character Content. I’m wondering if maybe budget constraints due to Covid stuff will make for less action set pieces and more character stuff overall? That would be kind of nice! I guess we’ll see, going forward.

Just a few negatives, IMO: the dialogue kinda felt hit-or-miss. Like, there were some really wonderful, solid bits, but then you’d get some weird stuff that didn’t quite land right. Like, I watched this episode twice just to be sure I was catching everything/not missing something because I was tired and...IDK there was just some clunky stuff.

And I will admit that I agree with fandom on one thing: I did kinda want to see Alex tell Kelly. 

But, okay, having said that, I do not think it ruins the show, or that it’s disrespectful, or whatever other complaints fandom is inventing and screaming at the people running the social media accounts.

(The level of entitlement whilst we’re still in the MIDST OF A PANDEMIC is gross.) 

(Also their solution of, ‘just take time from this one character and give it to my fav!’ is obnoxious.) 

To loop it around back to something nice! I hope they continue to develop something with Kara and William. Even if it’s just as friends. (Which would be a cowardly cop-out! But I refuse to get my hopes up, given what happened with James.)

EITHER WAY, it would be really lovely to have a nice, chill situation where Kara could reveal her identity to someone because she wants to tell them.

SO ANYWAYS

Yeah! Good ep! I liked it! 

Do we think Sad Dad is the Real Deal? OR a nefarious Phantom fabricating a friendly, familiar, familial face? I guess we’ll see!

Next week: GET IN LOSERS, WE’RE GOING PHANTOM HUNTING. 

[bittybattybunny]

I hope your not feeling down on your writing skills because I haven't caught up and commented on your latest releases. It's not you it's that I pick too many fanfics to follow and they all update a lot and I've been so busy and I've fallen behind on so many fics from various authors and sometimes my depression just makes me want to lie in bed all day doing nothing and it doesn't help I have to spend my limited spoons helping family everyday. I know these aren't good excuses, but I do sympathize with the lack of energy feeling at least. But your work really does bring a lot of joy to my life. It's so fun keeping up with your various AUs, and your latest one that features Kaya as Spider King has me really hyped because I want to learn more about Kaya, she's so fun! And Ruclipse is such a good comfort ship that just hits all the things I like seeing in a ship. You're so amazing and creative and it's awful that anyone would try to make you feel otherwise! Like your newest OC, Justin Tyme seems like such a lovable dumbass bastard. I love his wild, curly hair and his dapper outfit. I can't wait to see what dumb shit he gets himself into! I know this is really long and rambly, but I hope you know you have fans who genuinely love your work. I don't know if you're still thinking about that one comment you mentioned that got you really down, but honestly, fuck that guy. I don't know what they said but it must have been pure BS to have you doubting your hard earned art skills. I wish I could do more to prove you're awesome and that your fans really admire you, I just hope you don't stop sharing what you love because some rando was nasty for no good reason. Because we love what you do!

It's not like anyone one person nonny so please don't blame yourself. This has been an ongoing thing for a few months actually...

it's just a general thing over all lately like. I mentioned this in dm's with a friend but overall past few months I've had lower engagement overall with my works and it really does a number on my confidence. More so because like your latter point.

yes, I am still very much thinking about that one negative comment. Because that person also has the need to comment on other things and I even had a thing asking why I took a few weeks to update (when reality I posted to another ongoing fic and my TLC chapters are long chapters) and just the fact they could tear into a character (yes it was a comment on a character specifically and not even a main character it's a side character who has an important role for Snatcher's growth as a person down the line) then go saying "why didn't you update" when I posted a double update that week---

Like it lives in my head rent free and I want to literally cry because like the character is a focal in an upcoming chapter and I can't deal with another "why are they back" type thing. because "everyone finds them annoying"

And I'll be honest. it was Kaya. Like I've been trying to have fun with my BCU stuff with her as Spiderking because it's engaging for me and me and @/doodleimprovement even came up with a b-plot involving Kaya and Hattie trying to hook Nell and Marcus together and it's one of the best things as well as Kaya and Nell having a really good relationship.

but because of that one comment it makes me hesitant to do anything with Kaya despite she's one of my oldest ocs, my most thought out ocs and I adore her beyond anything. Like yes she's over powered and such and in TLC rn she comes off as a know it all, but upcoming chapters will show she's just a spacey kid who's trying to fit into a role others decided for her and isn't really as all mighty as she seems. Snatcher even ends up thinking of her as a little sister more than anything. Like fuck I'm even hesitant to share anything on her actual story despite how much work is in it. Like she's my favorite Oc (that's why shes my discord icon, and I'm pretty sure she's my twitter icon as well)

And like the points in the comment just. IDK they didn't fit to her, if anything the points are more suited to be shot at Eclipse.

Which is another thing I just get iffy on. I love RuClipse and everything with it. I love writing and drawing the dorks. But I'm now so afraid if Kaya could be attacked for only showing in a handful of chapters that don't even touch on who she is, when is someone going to finally tell me off on my wolf? who's going to tear into a character I pour a lot of personal shit into to try and comfort myself?

I use Ruclipse to deal with my own romantic heart, they are what I wish I could have so I love to write them, I hurt them but i like to make them happy in the end. Someone who can deal with your highs and lows. No ones perfect but you can still figure it out and love even the negative parts (I am a heavy romantic OTL)

he is in fact a lovable bastard. i have fun plans and he gives me an excuse for why Cel is so tired and having to be the brain cell and how she even wound up working with the time kids when she's so much older than they are. Currently I'm trying to think of how to use him and honestly I think he's gonna wind up hella comic relief fun guy who's just making a mess and do his own side story while Hat and Bow are busy in subcon----

thank you, I don't mind the rambly it kinda gave me a chance to get this off my chest... like I've typed this kinda response up time and time again and I always delete. I feel like I'm whining because I get upset but it's just, I spend so much time making things, I use all my spoons on either working or creating, I just want to know if it means anything but then negativity lives in my head because what's a functioning meat cube??? I try to stay positive but it's hard. Like another thing is Moon Guardian; the reason I haven't updated? because I have had someone bothering me about it. weekly I get asked about how I'm doing on it but it's not from a place of "want to read it" it's because I told them they couldn't post a certain thing until the chapter is done so it feels pressuring to constantly get asked because I feel the only reason they want to post is to boost their thing and I'm just the machine to boost it with my characters and comic.... like it feels they've taken the comic from me and it sucks because I have so many fun things planned. Like I accidentally went off on Nina about a thing with Alpine skyline and Eclipse as well as a thing with a Time Rift and a Jelly ghost.

Sorry kinda went off, just I've sat on this thought train since like early april. I've done my best to ignore it and just keep going but it's gotten really hard with the fact my health hasn't been really great. I've spent a lot of time lately bed bound because I just hurt so badly. if I'm not resting, I'm at my day job which is incredibly stressful rn as I only really work mornings and I see things that are being missed so then i report it and it still gets missed and i can't get it fixed after a point cuz we're back to full service and need the people so I can't nitpick but just.... I'm bitter okay like if I left this shit when I worked I would have gotten yelled at but now we just let it slide??? and this stresses me out which then causes my body to freak out because I'm stressed which puts me in more pain. and then like at work have people acting shocked I have my cane or soemthing and just skfdslkfksdf

so my energy is so tanked. and then the negative comment in my head, no idea if people like things cuz I have no idea if I hear nothing, just has had me doubting why post. Like I should go back to just not posting my stories and sketches or w/e and slink back to my hole like I was before.

idk Its just. a bad night in the house of bun. I've had these thoughts festering and I guess today was the dam breaking. It's probs cuz I'm nervous posting Chimeras because it's a very dark au.

[onenicebugperday]

Do you have any thoughts on bugs in fictional stories? Anything from A Bug's Life to the giant spiders/acromantulas in Harry Potter to bugs being used to incite fear in horror films like the scarabs in The Mummy. I have an irrational fear of spiders pouring out of my showerhead while my back is turned due to I think an episode of Supernatural so I guess I'm just thinking a lot today about how people's views on bugs can be positively/negatively influenced. Also I just got a free used book about bugs turning enormous and fighting humans that looks...interesting. Hexapoda by Paul Daniell. Idk much about the guy but it seems like a small-scale cheaply published kind of book and I'm hoping it'll be like a bad movie. Sorry this got so rambly lol I'm in a rambling mood.

I have a lot of thoughts! I wish there was more positive and accurate bug media. The cartoons involving bugs usually help on the positivity front, but they also get a lot of things wrong. It would be nice if they’d consult an entomologist or two before perpetuating myths, even if the movie/show is overall positive. I understand why there are horror movies about bugs and I’ve watched my fair share, but it sure doesn’t help people’s opinion of them. Especially with spiders. But, you know...it’s unrealistic to expect ALL bug media to be positive. So I just do my part to spread the bug love. :) Anyhoo hope your book is terrible in a super fun way!

[jacepens]

1: HamilTurn(you can differentiate if needed) or MCU, 2: Washette, 3: Anna Strong

And generally a fandom list would be nice to know what to pick from ;) (Love you♡)

You said HamilTurn or MCU and I say both, I'm going to try my best haha. But anyway, thank you!:) Apologies in advance if this gets rambly, but that's the point of this right? Anyway, for ease of scrolling sake, I'll probably put a cut if this gets long but don't worry, it's just me talking a whole bunch lol. Ok, thank you again!! <3 (love you too!)

1. Hamilton/Turn (fandom)

Favorite character: I have to say Lafayette for both. Oh and Mary

Least favorite character: I have no real reason behind this so sorry but Burr, and Simcoe for many reasons

5 favorite ships: washette, lams, hamliza, benwash, whamilton

Character I find most attractive: ...all. But I have to say overall Brian Wiles as Lafayette. That face just…🥺

Character I would marry: Mary Woodhull or Eliza

Character I would be best friends with: you know I'm not sure, but in an ideal world Lafayette (both versions) or Ben but I feel like we wouldn't be best friends. But also everyone, is that an option? Even some of the "villains" would have good stories to tell

A random thought: I feel like most people in the fandom now are so new (they joined in with the movie release!) and unaware of the uh atrocities of back in the day. And y'all are lucky, but those of us who know. Know. (yes, I was unbearable but that's ok because I was having fun, and despite what I just said: have fun in your fandoms even if you're "unbearable", just keep it welcome to all and enjoy the enthusiasm you have for it:))

An unpopular opinion: Oh boy. Maybe stop making quick judgments about people based on what they write/who they ship? There is a line, but I've genuinely never seen it crossed by anyone at least openly sooo just let people have fun? And don't say anything about something? Unless it's actually harmful but even then, keep it to a dm or something and have an open discussion. Just let people vibe, please? Especially younger fans. Just, I’ve seen a weird amount of negativity towards them. They’re kids having fun, we all used to be like that so please, be kind and patient. They’ll learn if they make a mistake. Ok? Ok cool:) (maybe not unpopular but still I wanted to say it)

My canon OTP: Am I allowed to say lams?

My non-canon OTP: washette, wow, who would've guessed? xD

Most badass character: Mary my beloved

Most epic villain: Robert Rogers hands down

Pairing I am not a fan of: no one murder me, but in general I'm just not a fan of jamilton. also whatever was the deal with Anna and Abe

Characters I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): um. Where to begin? Honestly I think every woman in Turn at one point or another, except perhaps Peggy in my opinion. Oh but especially Anna. Also Simcoe. With Hamilton, probably again everyone at some point, but the way Angelica was written just feels so overwhelmingly fictional it bugs me. (But at least Hamilton had some genuine relationships between women, not great but still)

Favorite friendship(s): Ben and Caleb, Washington and Lafayette (what?? yes, you fools. lol). It may sound a tad ~cringey~ but I generally like Hamilton's vibe with the boys, maybe it's just the gender envy, but it's kinda cute and fun.

Character I most identify with: well jeez, I won't lie but Washington. In both versions, except god knows I could never be that chill. Also a dash of Laurens.

Character I wish I could be: wow what a loaded question ummm. I don't want to be like him, but I want to be like in his position so Hamilton lol. Playing an active role but I know personally I am not cut out for a battlefield, so a desk suits me well.

2. MCU (fandom-that I am so out of date from, please take all of this with a grain of salt)

Favorite character: so when I was younger it was Tony Stark but now it’s definitely Wanda and T’challa

Least favorite character: ummm. I genuinely couldn’t tell you, I’m very out of date

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): wandavision, …ngl I can’t think of anymore, I honestly never shipped many and wandavision was like the only couple I remember really liking. Oh, I don’t know them but Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie

Character I find most attractive: embarrassing confession time, Loki was my first bad celebrity crush. Wanda now and Shuri is cute. Also Sylvie

Character I would marry: if I could, Wanda 

Character I would be best friends with: Vision and Peter Parker

A random thought: y’all it’s been so long since I’ve touched MCU I should catch up/refresh shouldn’t I?

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but I’m going to say it anyway. Personally, I really don’t like the movie Civil War, I think it’s what sorta made me disinterested in mcu. It’s been years since I’ve watched it so maybe I would have a completely different opinion if I saw it today, but at the time it just felt so...wrong? And childish? I literally don’t even remember why they were fighting or how that movie even ended (I feel like it just wasn’t satisfying??) but I think also, as a kid or teen watching that, it reminded me sooo much of the dumb drama that, you know, kids get into. I mean, getting your friends on someone’s side like that?? Like, I know they were mad but- but there are other ways of dealing with emotions??? And involving everyone's friends too? So yeah, it just felt off to me at the time, and looking back now, from what I remember, it just frustrated me. Especially as a kid who deals with dumb drama like that all the time, kids would want to see a better example especially from adult superheroes or at least not be reminded of the bs they have to go through sometimes. But, rant over, that’s all just my opinion:) 

My canon OTP: wandavision

My non-canon OTP: ummm. I guess just Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie lol

Most badass character: I have to say Natasha but actually there are many

Most epic villain: when I was younger I liked that Ultron was voiced by Robert California from the Office lol

Pairing I am not a fan of: I don’t know if it’s popular but I never liked Tony and Pepper. What happened with her?

Characters I feel the writers screwed up: I guess I’ll say Thor because I just felt such a weird difference in his personality that did not make sense to me

Favorite friendship: Wanda and Pietro!! Honestly I think a lot, there were a lot of good friendships but I can’t think of which ones are my favorite

Character I most identify with: ummmmmm. 

Character I wish I could be: My gut says Thor

3. Washette (ship-bless you<3 get ready for rambles oh no)

When I started shipping them: So I first had the thought in 7th grade while my history teacher was talking about them and my little brain went: haha that’s pretty gay. (teacher keeps talking about them) wait a fucking minute, that is pretty gay! But it wasn’t until I got sucked into Hamilton that I really started actively shipping them by reading fics and what not, but something about them became an instant favorite. And later (little personal story time) I pretty much completely stopped reading fic and being active in fandom for years and actually, when I got my first panic attack that - no joke - lasted for 5 hours, for some reason my brain (as it’s decaying lol) said I want to go and reread all my favorite washette fics and also do what I was I always too scared to do. Write!! So that night I binged the fics and found myself falling in love again, feeling all the old passion I had for them again, and the next night (still very shaken) I wrote an outline of a good ol washette confession + kiss that was extremely thoughtful and good, and honestly, I have not actually used that outline yet! Maybe I’m saving it. But yeah, this is a long answer, but I have a weird amount of attachment to them and this ship, I wish I knew why too. <3 

My thoughts: so many. Too many. First of all, I love that I have so many versions of them in my mind, right? When I started writing, I had never watched Turn but then I did and then it was like: hell yeah, another washette set. At this point, my brain has created it’s own unique version of them but it’s like, they’re so versatile! That’s one neat thing about this fandom as a whole, we get more than one character and personality and that’s just fun right?! More specifically on washette I mean, they’re just so sweet. Historically, their relationship is unique and cute, and you’d have to be a fool to think that to Washington Lafayette was just another friend. Even strictly platonically, it was something special and it’s so obvious I just love them. Ok. Enough thoughts for now <3

What makes me happy about them: the loooove, the comfort they found in each other, the fact that like every person at the time documenting them knew and understood they were special to each other like, they were just that in love. 

What makes me sad about them: oh so much that I try to ignore lol. There is the one year when Lafayette went to France and all his letters to Wash are like: “I have not received one letter from you, but it’s ok, I love you and I know you love me too :)” WHO WAS NOT DELIVERING THESE LETTERS, I HAVE NAMES, NOW I WANT ANSWERS. Anyway, also just most things that happened when Laf went back to France. And then when he visited America in 1824 and visited Washington’s grave. Yeah. ow. (also, you know what, I have done too much research on this event. lmk if you would like a post)

Things done in fanfic that annoy me: Generally, I’m not annoyed by much in fanfic at least with them and what I’ve seen. I’m still nostalgic for the old school nonbinary Laf fics, so it ain’t those. Literally maybe it’s because I’m starved for content but I can’t really think of anything, I love it all.

Things I look for in fanfic: back to the whole starved for content thing, I am a library of washette fics but I think if I was to pick a certain thing that I would love it’s just um fluff? And honesty, if that makes sense. Love confessions are very good as well. Canon era, please :) pining but not too much that it hurts me lol

My wishlist: literally all my wips. If I could whisk them into existence I could die happy and knowing I have put a variety of washette content in the world. Something else though, more fics :’) I love writing but sometimes I want to curl up with a cozy, new washette fic like a cup of hot chocolate and be surprised and learn something new and just..yeah:)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: what. Ok but actually, Martha and Adrienne because they are both honestly perfect for them and I love them too (I’m going to be biased, especially Adrienne)

My happily ever after for them: Can Lafayette just move the family to America? But also, it’s sad, but like I know Laf would be sad in America while France suffers. So...maybe a world where things in France go better and Lafayette gets to visit Washington more often and bring the family!! (Washington visit France too??)

4. Anna Strong (character)

How I feel about this character: I like her! She’s fun and…strong (oops lol) and she’s made some mistakes sure, but I feel like she did her best to learn from them and move on

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly, I know they didn’t have a lot of interaction in the show but Anna/Mary has potential. And Anna/Edmund

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: her and Ben and Caleb

My unpopular opinion about this character: I really can’t think of anything unpopular

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: in general, her having more screen time with less men you know? I mean like one-on-one kind of scenes. Also I would’ve liked to see at least her and Selah talk. Like, really talk. They never really did that, right? I just have so many questions about them

Favorite friendship for this character: Anna and Ben

My crossover ship: I have no idea

And well, I know it’s been a few days but for a fandom list, I’m just a weeb lol but here

Octopath Traveler (my beloved)

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Star Wars

Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Persona 4

Zelda (to a point)

Pokémon

What We Do in the Shadows

Sailor Moon

Literally anything historical

Ok!! I tried to add a lot because I’m not sure what you might know or not haha. But thank you again!! I had fun <3

[bitchiha]

Ok I know these characters are not the main ones but can I request some relationship hcs for Genma, Ibiki and Omoi? You can totally exclude some of them if you don’t want to write for them 🙈

A/N: Girl!! Thank you for this!! I honestly never thought about writing for these characters before, which is kinda weird bc I love all of them?? Anyways, without further ado..

✎ Relationship Headcanons!

Genma Shiranui

Ugh this man gives me tingles LNDJSJS He’s gives me immaculate vibes and he looks so cool all the time, but... you are the one thing that can really rattle this mans cool confident exterior down to the bone.

I think he has a baddie type. Like you know what you want, confidence, just bad bitch energy to the max!! Uhm also I feel like he digs long legs and girls who are taller than him. If you’re a baddie who’s tall and confident he’s floored. But even if you are short, it doesn’t matter as long as you can wipe the floor with him LMFAOOO. He likes Instagram baddies I’m sorry it’s true.

He strikes me as a smirky / flirty type of boyfriend. Like he’ll really fluster you up and have this cocky smirk the whole time he’s doing it. But you know how you can get payback that works every. single. time? If you take that toothpick out of his mouth and slip it into yours and walk away. He’ll stand there with his jaw to the floor like mhm, Yah, she just did that.

I feel like he also goes batshit crazy for nicknames, like he will call you any sort of pet name ever. Princess, babe, baby, (baby girl irks the fuck out of me so I’m not putting it here w/out saying that), honey, love, cutie, darling. But he likes it if you just call him the classic names like babe or baby, he does have this thing for being called darling though. Like if hes being a little shit and refuses to get the tv remote for you just plead and add the word “darling” To the end of the sentence and boom! Your wish is his command.

For cuddling I see him as more of a switch. Like he can be the big spoon some days and wrap you up in his arms and legs, but then he can also be the little spoon, really loves when you’ve got your leg around his waist or if youre playing with his hair.

He loves neck kisses, like he loves them. He really likes giving them, hes the type of person to purposely give you hickeys in noticeable places just to watch you struggle to cover them up. However, he loves receiving neck kisses too. Make sure to leave him a hickey for payback.

Another thing about Genma is that he’s super funny, like he can make you laugh until your ribs get tough. So he’s good at cheering you up and helping you loosen up in tough situations. Like he can lighten the mood instantly. This is great because if you two are ever arguing or if you’re in a bad mood he can just say a few jokes and get you laughing in no time.

He’s also the type to show off his relationship. Like if you aren’t a ninja, he will show you off to all his ninja friends and brag about you whenever an opportunity presents itself. If you are a ninja though, you would make the most badass duo on missions and he will flaunt it to his comrades almost obnoxiously. Ebisu gets annoyed the most.

So yah, he likes showing you off but don’t forget to show him off too! Like really show him off to your friends and get him all confident about himself. Feed his ego bc he will repay you for it later ;)

With all that being said, it’s safe to say he also digs pda. Like he doesn’t mind kissing, hand holding, wrapping an arm around you, just being affectionate overall. I mean he won’t be too crazy like he won’t shove his tongue down your throat or anything, but like a quick kiss never killed anyone.

Ibiki

I think one of the best and worst parts about dating Ibiki is that he can literally read you like a book. So he knows when youre feeling upset or uncomfortable or literally anything. It’s good because he can get you to open up about something that’s bothering you and be able to help you. It’s bad because he can end up pestering the shit out of you until he finds out what’s wrong.

Anyways, he’ll be a good gift giver, like he picks up on the way you look at a certain dress in a shopfront window, or how your gaze lingered a second longer than normal on a bracelet a passerby was wearing. Then boom, the next day you’ve got it.

I know he’s a tough guy, but look at the gif! LOOK AT IT!! He has that soft spot. Also remember that episode when we met his brother? I seen a glimmer of that soft spot! He will be gentle and caring with you 100% like I see him giving you sweet kisses when you’re at home together, playing with your hair, things like that, but only when you’re alone.

He can also be a tough love kind of guy sometimes as well. If you aren’t a ninja he will want to have you learn basic techniques for defending yourself. He may even teach you some ninja basics and a jutsu or two, just so you can protect yourself when he’s away on missions. If you’re a ninja he will teach you more complex jutsus.

In public he prefers to keep the relationship discreet because I mean, he has enemies. He’s not gonna want them to go after you in order to get to him. So at the most, he’ll put a hand on your back when you’re in public. But like I said, when you’re alone together he’s super affectionate.

He’s probably not like the best big spoon in terms of cuddling though, like I think he may accidentally crush you. And anyways I see him liking you being the one laying on him or draping a leg over him instead of the other way around.

His favourite types of kisses to give you are kisses on the top of your head and forehead kisses. Like before he leaves on some very important mission, he’ll give you a kiss on the top of your head. In the mornings when you two wake up he’ll give you a kiss on your forehead.

If you want to melt this guy though, you should give him kisses on his scars. Especially the ones on his face. He also likes when you trace your fingers over them. It makes him feel comforted and he’ll probably fall asleep while you do so.

Ibiki can be a hype man, but in a different sort of way. Like he won’t be cheering you on the loudest, but he’ll be the one who gives you the best advice behind the scenes. Like if you’re going on a difficult mission, he’ll tell you how smart and strong you are and how much of an excellent ninja you’ve become. Then he’ll slide some advice in on strategies with the information you told him.

I think he’s the best at helping you wind down after a mission, but he’s not there to do it very often because he’s busy a lot. When does though, he greets you at the door, runs you a bath and makes you something to eat. Then you can lay in bed or on the couch together and you can tell him all about the mission. Also if you return the favour when he comes back from missions, he will melt again.

Supportive and helpful bf, 10/10

Omoi

You love him, you really do but sometimes his over analyzing situations problem really gets on your nerves. Like he can be like “you wore a light sweater instead of a heavier one, does that mean you don’t want to stay out that long?” And ur like: bruh I just wore this sweater because it looked cuter.

He can also be more negative in situations (he’s cautious so he wants to always factor in the worst worst worst case scenarios) so it would be amazing if you could balance him out without getting hot headed with him. Like giving him some positive things to think about instead of focussing all on the bad will get him to be more reasonable, but only if youre the one to say it.

Will also 10/10 force you to listen to Bee’s rapping with him. If he’s forced to stay and suffer through front row seats of his masters horrible rapping, you best believe he’s making you suffer too. It’s a relationship afterall, so that means he’s gonna constantly drag you into things that are kinda crazy.

He gets lost in his thoughts a lot so you sometimes gotta keep him on track. Like you may have been talking about what you should eat for dinner, but he ends up talking about agriculture, so you have to cut in and make the decision yourself.

All his wild imaginative thoughts get you curious so when you’re just hanging out on a lazy day. You’ll set him on a ramble and he could just talk and talk and talk and you’ll nod your head until your sleeping quietly on his shoulder. He won’t notice until he asks you if you agree or something and you don’t reply. He would have been offended if you weren’t so cute.

Also, you wanna know what gets him going? So, sorta like what I said about Genma, If you just take that lollipop right out of his mouth and put it in yours... he’s gone, you’ve just sent him into another dimension and you probably can’t bring him back, it’s also a good way to get him to stop talking.

Man, Omoi just likes kissing. Like he doesn’t care what kind of kiss as long as its a kiss. He likes giving quick kisses on your lips and also on your cheek and likes when you do the same for him.

I think he likes being the big spoon when you’re cuddling but he doesn’t mind either way. Like if you wanna attach yourself to him one day then he will let you. He likes to talk while you’re cuddling too and probably ends up with his forehead resting in the crook of your neck. That’s like his go to spot.

He has a very good imagination so the two of you are always going on cool dates. Some of them turn out amazing, others result in you two running for your life. It’s never a dull date, though!

This also means he can get you the oddest gifts. Like sometimes he can really hit the mark with some really cool necklace or gadget, and other times your like: why did you think I would need a slug statue? Or like he’ll get you some obscure poster and it won’t even match your rooms colour theme. It’s okay though, it’s the thought that counts and even then, the gifts are still cool. I mean you can put the slug statue on your balcony, it’ll look nice there.

He doesn’t mind pda, I think he’d be really affectionate tbh. He loves slinging an arm around your waist or shoulders, or giving you a quick kiss. Like Genma, he doesn’t mind showing off his s/o. Like yes! All the villagers can admire this badass duo.

It may kill him, but he would ask Karui for relationship advice. She would probably just mess with him for the most part. That being said, Karui and you will get along 1000%. Lowkey likes you more than Omoi.

He needs to know you can take care of yourself in the event of an enemy attack, so he lowkey might surprise you with a sneak attack at random times, just to make sure you’re prepared. Like you could be watching tv at home and he just sneaks up on you and is like “boom! This is an enemy attack? Whatcha gonna do?” At first you would get scared, now you just sigh and walk away.

“What? So you’re just gonna walk away from the enemy? That’s not how this stuff works!”

[whatthefuckisasweep]

RvB: Zero Thoughts for Worried Fans

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts on RvB Zero and the worries/hype/problems/whatever that people have for it. And, since RvB is extremely dear to me (and has been for a number of years)... I have thought about it a lot too. 

I just want to preface this with the fact that it is extremely valid if you are scared or worried or sad about the absence of the Reds and Blues thus far. You are not against diversity or change, and your thoughts are valid. I am really kind of shocked about some of the wording that some people have used addressing concerns that people have put forth. I know those kinds of posts are really negative and can become overwhelming and annoying, but creating a division in the community is not a right way to fix that. We’re all fans of the same show. You can have an opinion without being too harsh on those who hold different aspects of the show dear than you.

Having said that, I agree with people’s worries. I am also sad about the Reds and Blues only “maybe” returning... at least in this season. I am not worried about the content of the show itself. From everything that is being shown, RvB: Zero will be AMAZING, and I am EXCITED FOR IT. This is the most hype RvB has gotten in years. New characters, great animation, spicy and fresh story... Yeah, it’s gonna be fucking COOL AS SHIT. But... I’m scared it will not be Red vs. Blue. I have no doubt it my mind I will enjoy it, because, well, it just sounds awesome. But... I’m scared it won’t be the same show. More of an animated spin-off in the same universe. 

In my opinion, there is still so much story left of the Reds and Blues to tell -- amazing points to jump off of. And, yes, I know the season has not come out yet, but I’ve seen a lot of people talking about how the characters are tired because it’s seventeen years and people are just afraid of change OR like how they have no ideas left. I will say change is scary. But the characters are the ones who drive the show. I know nothing about these new ones yet, but from the looks of it, they seem to be action-packed and very capable. And I don’t know about you, but I first came to RvB because everyone was very INcapable and I related to it. The reason why Red vs Blue is Red vs Blue is because the Reds and Blues. They are what the story is about. To me, it’s similar to how Spongebob is about ... Spongebob & Patrick. Even after all these years. And like, if this is their end because there is nowhere to go (even though I disagree with that), I’d honestly be FINE with ending their journey and accepting the new characters! But I’d just want them to get a proper ending / closure before this WHOLE new thing comes along and takes the plot on a crazy new wild ride. 

But, anyways...

It’s wrong of me to basically judge the whole thing before its even come out and we see who really is in it & whatnot. I know that. So on a more positive note for the people who are worried and need some reassurance: 

- It is in the same universe. The Reds and Blues are famous. There is no way that they are erased from the story forever. 

- Torrian and the other cast members seem to GREATLY respect the original series, and are EXCELLENT animators. There is no doubt about an amazing story and respect for the characters.

- The team seems to be VERY on the down-low about everything. Needing “authorization” and whatnot just to post armor. We don’t know anything yet.

- We still don’t know who the Carolina-armor/Locus-armor people are.

- The new characters look amazing! Agent: One as Fiona? God, that’s SO FREAKING COOL! I’m already kind of biased towards Raymond because he’s a tech guy. Also, the diversity! Already shipping One and East!

- From what we can see the season is around 8 episodes, meaning that it could be a bridge season

- Torrian watched S9 in preparation for making S18, meaning that he could do something similar season wise!

- Although I’m not sure how I feel about the Fast & the Furious comparison, the theme of family is EXCITING.

- We’re actually getting updates as opposed to what it was like beforehand with literally nothing.

- New characters draw in new fans to the series!!!!! 

Overall, I’m really excited to watch this season, but I am worried about when we are getting back to standing around and talking. I am worried about the end of the story and about the show. I think that if they need to keep introducing BIG huge plot things like time travel and step away from the Reds and Blues, it’s a pretty good sign to start coming up with an ending for the show - at least for the Reds and Blues, and maybe start something "bigger”. But then again... We still don’t know much, so this is really all just speculation. Honestly, in my opinion, RvB should have ended with 14, as much as I love 15 and 17. POOR RED TEAM.

...Man, this was a long-ass post. Sorry for rambling, but this means a lot to me, and the responses/thoughts I’ve seen from people are very mixed, so I’d just like to be more thorough with mine. 

Feel free to comment or DM, I really want to talk about it with fans & see how you guys feel!

[truerescreatuconfessions]

Yooo it's Burrito - I thought I'd drop in and comment on the Discord situation so you all know what the deal is w/ the moderating and staff advertising + the queries as to why it's not official etc.

The Rescreatu Discord channel was originally set up by Pachico and myself, to get our community together and have a place to chat and have a bit of banter. Since then, it has exponentially grown and shifted into something much more than what it started as, and even undertook a massive facelift/moderation shift in the time that I was away. It never has an intent to be an official server.

It's overall theme is that it is solely it's own entity, and thus, is a community run space rather than dictated by staff entirely. Otherwise the admin team may as well be someone like Dan or the Support Team with the official res rules and guidelines - which, by reading this new Rescon, no one would really want that, and would see it as further oppression.

I have however noticed that in my absence that staff presence in the Disc staff team has heightened, and it can be definitely misinterpreted for something official. I'm working on balancing that at the moment by having a team of staff who are also not staff to keep that fair. People like Juke and Lilith also held the staff positions in the server, before they had staff roles onsite - so originally this server was player-run.

Dan and Pat made it clear from the start that they did not want any admin power or level of control in the server, as they wanted the community to feel comfortable with just being themselves, and in turn get to know everyone on more of a casual level, and the suggestions room was actually started by myself, because we kept striking casual conversations of change with Pat, and he couldn't keep up with them haha :)

In terms of the 18+ moderation. When I originally owned the server - I would require that newer unknown members would have to send proof of age in order to get that role, or if I otherwise knew that they were older than 18 they'd obtain it. I don't know how they were moderating that in my absence though. In terms of all social media including Res and FB etcetc - moderating age is actually flawed and imperfect, and in a lot of ways most people don't truly know if someone is the right age but we do our best :)

I want everyone to know that if they see an area of growth needed in the Discord, if they see something they aren't happy with, or they feel they can contribute meaningfully to the Discord and our team, please let me know! This server is for the people, it's a place for everyone to congregate together, and whilst I wholly love seeing people casually talking about the discord on Res, and staff promoting it - the server isn't a basis of staff agenda. This place is for us. There is a lot that I want to fix and change about how it's become in my absence, and I want people to feel that they can comfortably talk to me so that we can make this a place we are happy with :)

I'm sorry for my absolute ramble here - I'm just sad to see the Rescord in negative light, and would love to work towards turning that around and back towards it's intent of creation.

[magicofthepen]

Gallifrey Relisten: Spirit

This reaction post is almost 4,000 words long, which, given the episode in question.....is very on brand for me. So here have a whole lot of ramblings, in which I go back and forth between “I love this so much” and “hmm yes I do think Spirit is overhyped by virtue of being The Romana/Leela Episode,” and back and forth between “I will be objective and not get overtly shippy about this” and “I’m definitely getting overtly shippy about this.” 

(Includes discussion of The Apocalypse Element, the rest of Series 2, Intervention Earth and Enemy Lines, also a bit about Time War 3, but only in the last section.) 

Things that are absolutely not overrated and deserve every bit of the hype:

1. The premise

Like, hold on. Hold on. Here we have an entire episode resting on the premise of “Romana wants Leela to stay on Gallifrey so badly that in spite of being y’know, the President of a planet, and specifically a planet currently undergoing major social changes and dealing with evil eldritch beings, the #1 most important thing for her to do with her time is take Leela on a private vacation off world to convince Leela why she should stay on Gallifrey.” (Hint: it’s. it’s for Romana.) 

She also then proceeds to be very bad at using her words when it comes to this premise because Romana is all into grand gesture and very little into actually talking about her feelings. Of course. But in an episode that rests on the idea of Romana as the Rational, Logic-Driven One, and Leela as the Instinctive, Emotion-Driven One, it is very good that the premise of the episode is entirely driven by Romana’s emotions. (Wait. Am I going to talk myself out of the idea that Spirit creates these overly simplistic contrasts between Romana and Leela by arguing that it also muddies them at the same time? .....I still think the “overly simplistic” thing is true to an extent. But stay tuned.)

2. The core emotional story

I’m deeply into Gallifrey for the relationships between the main characters, so Spirit is vastly appealing on that front. 

The central question of Spirit is: can Leela trust Romana? Leela’s been deeply betrayed by her husband, she feels lost and adrift and she’s doubting her own ability to judge people. (“He stood before me as Torvald, and I did not know him. I had thought myself to have a keener eye.” / “But is his the only trust I may have given in error?”) Leela’s doubting her own instincts specifically, which is why it’s so important that this episode has Romana move from being more dismissive of Leela’s instinctive, emotional approach to the world, to understanding where Leela’s coming from and appreciating her instincts and worldview. Leela needs to trust not just Romana, but also herself.

And it is 1. important to explore this! Shoutout to Gallifrey for not brushing aside the emotional repercussions of Andred’s betrayal on Leela’s close relationships in general and her own image of herself! and 2. intersects in super fascinating ways with Romana’s trust issues.

Romana gets a hard time for the “valuable asset” thing, which. Fair. But I think it is important to acknowledge the premise here — the whole vacation, everything Romana is actually doing screams “I care about you very much on a personal level,” and just because she isn’t saying that doesn’t mean she isn’t showing that. Because she has her own baggage when it comes to friendship and trust, and a lot of that does loop back around to “being imprisoned for twenty years and having no one come to save you really messes you up. on so many levels.” 

(Also I have to mention the end of The Apocalypse Element because that last scene with the Doctor and Romana really established how I looked at Romana and her close personal relationships moving forward. Because yeahhhh maybe having the one (1) person who is specifically your Friend (and not your colleague, or advisor, or anything related to The Presidency) go “yeah you can clean up this mess right! cool bye!” after you’ve gone through decades of trauma immediately followed by needing to repel an invasion of your planet....maybe that might make you distrust that anyone in the universe is actually going to care about you as a person anymore, and not see you as The President of Gallifrey first and foremost). 

Bottom line: Romana really, really likes Leela (.....we all can decide in what way....), but also has a whole lot of doubt that other people could care about her as a person, doubt that it’s even worth letting herself be that emotionally vulnerable with someone else, because what if they throw her trust and care back in her face? And so this whole episode, there’s this undercurrent of wanting to trust each other and wanting to care about each other simmering under the surface for the both of them, but they’re both having trouble really seeing and believing what each other is feeling and I love it. I love this kind of interesting, complicated relationship struggle so much, and I love how Spirit has a positive ending, where they both manage to convey to each other in one way or another that they really do want to be around each other. ( “I was so alone in the world of dreams when you left. The wildlands were dark and so quiet. I do not wish to be alone.” / “There will be a place for you with me, for always. Whatever face I wear.” ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) 

(Sure, the later episodes of the season fuck everything up again, but we are Not Talking about Insurgency/Imperiatrix here.) 

(We are also Not Talking about Intervention Earth/Enemy Lines....okay I’ll talk a little about IE/EL, but only because when relistening to Spirit there’s this sort of elephant in the room with “There will be a place for you with me, for always. Whatever face I wear.” And that elephant is the writers deciding that when Romana regenerated, she would abandon Leela, which...hmmm. To be fair, I have lots of more complex, specific thoughts about what might have happened emotionally and literally in that thankfully jettisoned timeline, but the bottom line is that I was and still am very *side eyes* at that writing choice.) 

3. The chair scene

Oh my god. Oh my god. This scene is actually brilliant and delightful on every relisten, I want it framed please?? 

I think it’s probably iconic because it’s just so happy, and it is so so wonderful to have a moment like that, with the two of them making up a silly story to Hallan about what happened to the window and laughing about it. And it is good! It’s so good! (A side note: Romana in particular in this episode has that “audibly smiling” tone of voice so so much more than usual, in addition to her overall tone having very clearly shifted away from “presidential” for the majority of the episode and y’all.....it’s so excellent to hear, that is such a rare thing.)

Also specifically, it’s the fact that Leela is like ugh this room is too stuffy :( and Romana immediately is like “I must fix this, I need to make her happy” and does something so ridiculous and impulsive just to please Leela.......again, this episode is pulling a Romana Has Too Many Feelings and is acting on her emotional instincts thing......yes. 

“You’re a breath of it yourself in the Capital.” “Oh Romana, nice words will not make me stay.” I’m sorry but Romana’s delivery of this line is so flirtatious? (And Leela going ah no, you can’t flirt your way out of this.) 

Things that are......not good:

1. The science vs. spirituality dichotomy (and how it makes the characters look)

The whole evolution vs. creation discussion thing not only feels too simplistic for the characters, but it also feels like it’s deliberately painting Leela in a negative light? To have Leela specifically going I don’t believe in evolution when the audience is going to disagree with her and bounce off of that....yeah. It also feels like the whole exaggerated ~super in tune with nature, doesn’t know or believe things about science~ thing is leaning into the racist indigenous stereotypes her character is too often linked to.

And on top of that, it doesn’t feel in character? Classic Who episodes don’t stick in my brain that well so my memory isn’t super clear on the details, but Leela was banished from her tribe for questioning their beliefs. Plus she learned that her society’s social divisions were based on misinformation and forgotten history (having more information was important, it changed things for her world). And she was the one who wanted to leave and travel, and also has always showed a lot of interest in learning new things. To have Leela so deeply clinging to the beliefs she learned when she was young, without any of that questioning or the nuance of weaving in new things she’s learned with the old......it feels reductive. (There could be so much more nuance here re: how living so long away from the Sevateem and having to defend her background so much on Gallifrey has affected her relationship with the culture and beliefs she grew up in, but Spirit has none of that.) 

2. The mindswap’s lack of nuance 

There’s a similar issue here with the mindswap, where Leela especially comes off as over-simplified. I don’t know if this was an acting choice or a directing choice, but the over-the-topness of Lalla’s performance during the mindswap really feeds that (the way Romana’s voice sounds so different when she’s “acting like Leela”, while Leela still sounds fundamentally like herself when she’s acting more like Romana — why the difference?). Also, Romana is a lot more helpless and distressed when she has part of Leela in her mind, which again, does not make Leela come off as especially competent (even though she is). There are times when this episode feels like it’s trying harder to put Romana and Leela into these boxes than it is at trying to break down those boxes and yeah, all around I wish there was more nuance.

3. The interrupting of the vacation date, damn it, do you think I care about a “plot”?

Alright, alright this one is not in the same category as the other two. It is absolutely not a valid criticism, it is purely the “I want this audio to cater to me, personally” part of my brain getting disappointed every time I relisten when Wynter crashes the vacation. Specifically, when they’re all alone in the woods together having important personal conversations and Leela’s decided that they’re camping out for the night....maybe I just wanted to hear the overnight camping trip, y’know. Maybe I just wanted them to cuddle beneath the stars. (Also this will come back big time next episode, but I very much back away from horror of Wynter’s mutilation, I am a squeamish person and the Wynter thing is not my favorite plot.) 

Misc liveblogging things: 

“I’m sorry I had to have you dragged here to my quarters. I have requested an audience with you several times on a matter of security but have received no answer.” — It’s unclear exactly how much time has passed between Lies and Spirit, but not too long(?) and Leela’s been trying to track down Andred a lot during this time (which means that once again, Romana’s specifically taking Leela away from looking for Andred....).

Leela scathingly calling Romana “Madam President” oof. (I think this moment may have been what I was thinking of re: Leela only uses Romana’s title when she’s annoyed or angry, will have to note if/when it happens again.) 

“It is your world and not mine. Although I have lived here for many years it has never been my home. And I am unhappy.” I know I’ve said this before, but Leela’s concept of home is very much the people she cares about and hhhhh so many feelings about this throughout the series.

Oof Darkel’s got Romana pegged with the “how far will she go” thing.

Is Narvin......being nice re: Romana having a trying time? Or sarcastic? Or is he just like oh thank god she’s off the planet for a hot sec I can take a breath. 

Brax saying it was him that recommended Romana leave and insisting they don’t talk about it — he’s sooo covering for her, but also I want to know how that convo went....how exactly did Romana explain the “I’m going to take Leela on a private vacation off-world for.....personal reasons.....please cover for me slash be my emergency contact” thing? 

“So I can only conclude from your recent behavior that you’re experiencing a considerable amount of pain.” — I mean, Leela did explicitly say earlier that she was unhappy. Still, it is a really good moment here — Romana saying I see that you’re hurting and I want to help. 

.......and that’s right before “valuable asset” line. You were doing so good, Romana. (She does say friend though! I mean, she says it like it’s an ordeal, but she does immediately course correct to admit that Leela’s her friend.) Also....I’m having some kinda thought here about the “asset” line — how she compliments Leela in terms of her usefulness is icky, but I think Romana often judges her own worth based off of how useful she is to Gallifrey? I think there are several moments throughout the series that point to Romana basing her worth as a person off of her work and how successful she is at protecting her world and making it better, which is just an overall unhealthy mindset to be in (and this says something about the toxicity of Gallifreyan culture possibly but also something about the lingering trauma of Etra Prime and living for decades in a place where her life itself (whether she survived) was directly tied to her usefulness...going to mull this over more, but I think there’s something here). 

Hallan is so awful about Leela, and he goes on for a bit about how he should be watching the president at all times — aka there is definitely resentment within the Chancellery Guard towards Leela for taking the role of bodyguard to the president. And this is mixed in with nasty comments about Andred, former member of the Chancellery Guard, for marrying an alien. 

“A marriage is about maintaining the power of the chapters, strengthening alliances between houses” — it is interesting how more than once in the audios they talk about marriage as primarily a political thing in Time Lord culture (at least among the elite), with love being an exception and something disapproved of. 

The “Leela’s been on Gallifrey for twenty-five years” math......does not work. Between The Invasion of Time and the Gallifrey audios, Romana left Gallifrey, ended up traveling with the Doctor for a while, stayed behind in E-space for a while, returned from E-space to Gallifrey, became President, got captured by the Daleks and held prisoner for twenty years, and according to Square One I believe it’s been “years” since The Apocalypse Element.......and apparently only twenty-five years have passed on Gallifrey? Even if we pretend that no time passed on Gallifrey during Romana’s adventures with the Doctor and in E-space, that timeline is still questionable. Leela has to be on Gallifrey for a lot longer than that. 

“I’ve searched for [my purpose] in many places.” — It’s interesting that Romana lists off the places she’s tried to find purpose, but doesn’t say anything at all about Gallifrey — Leela is the one to say that Romana has found her purpose on Gallifrey, Romana never actually says that. (I have...lot of feelings about Romana’s very complicated relationship to Gallifrey.) 

Romana mentions Pandora predicting that she would rule over Gallifrey, and predicting that Romana would let that happen — Romana is worried about Pandora in particular, and also there’s the implication that she wants Leela to stay to help her hold onto herself and prevent that future. 

Just ahhhh the scene by the fire where Leela decides, after avoiding too much discussion about what she’s feeling, to be emotionally honest: “It frightens me to think that I have spent so much of my life with another in a trust that I believed was true and strong, one that could not sicken, and that I was wrong.”; “You are my friend. I know that, for all we disagree on. And yet, if tomorrow you grew sick, you could throw off your form like an old sheet and be a person I would no longer recognize, not with my eyes nor with my heart.” It’s a good scene!!

The whole “who is the broken man?” mystery is good on first listen I suppose, but I’ve never quite bought that they can’t ID him. Can the Time Lords not do a quick DNA test or something? (To be fair, these are the same people who missed that Andred was impersonating someone else for months, but at least here they actively know that they need to be figuring out who he is.)

The herbal remedy — “The outsiders use it when in pain or distress.” Confirmation that Leela does hang out with the outsiders on Gallifrey. 

“I’ve been inside these things I don’t know how many times and I assure you nothing could go wrong.” Post-Etra Prime Romana trying to get some sleep for once tbh (also okay she does have some healthy coping mechanisms apparently). 

“It speaks to your innermost wishes and wonders and indulges them while you dream” “There is a wild woman inside me” I’m so sorry but did they really not intend to making the sensory tanks and mindswap sound incredibly erotic because

“It is winter here.” *eyebrow waggle*

I do not like hearing stabbing sounds! (Also apparently this season has a thing for Romana kinda sorta killing people with knives.) 

Leela wakes up a bit later than Romana (she stays in the dream space longer), and she says she heard Pandora’s voice — Romana dismisses that, but I do wonder what exactly happened in the dreamspace after Romana woke and what additional things Leela might have heard/seen??

Hallan is so shitty, kick his ass Leela.

I do wonder why the subplot with Melyin and Hallan was included? Was it to introduce Hallan as a character and flesh out the side characters so we know them a bit better when they’re around with the Wynter subplot? (Personally, I don’t enjoy how earlier in the episode they keep cutting away from Romana and Leela’s really important and interesting conversation to those two sides characters, so I’m not sure they needed that storyline?) But there is this sort of interesting moment where Melyin talks about freeing herself from this place where she’s isolated and Leela sympathizes — and yet at the same time is choosing to go back to Gallifrey. There is potentially an interesting parallel here, but I’m not exactly sure what the parallel is supposed to be saying about Leela.

“And what about you? Back to Gallifrey and your husband?” “I am returning to Gallifrey, yes. It is not yet time for me to leave.” Leela expertly dodging mentioning Andred in her response or referring to him as her husband. Actually I kinda want to pay more attention to when she does or doesn’t refer to Andred as her husband. I’m pretty sure she calls him her husband after he dies because that is who she’s grieving, but in this episode she talks about wanting to confront him and hurt him or make peace with him, and in A Blind Eye she was all “my husband is dead” (and I think there are some things in Insurgency about this) —there is a question here about whether or not she still considers herself married to Andred at this point.   

How did the knowledge of events get out on Gallifrey? Brax says if people were watching his movements closely it wouldn’t be hard to put things together — but also he probably knows that Romana needs to return for Gallifrey for events to play out, so it seems quite possible that he essentially leaked the info himself (knowing that the events of Pandora are coming....oof). 

Leela talks about returning to Gallifrey avenge the broken man — in series 2 and 3, she frequently turns to vengeance as something to give her motivation and purpose when she’s unhappy and grieving, but I forgot it came up as early as Spirit ahhh yikes. 

The (shippy) elephant in the room:

(Includes vague mentions of Time War 3.) 

As a final thing, I do want to mention that while this episode has a reputation of being really gay (because yep it so so subtextually gay)....I do always remember that it is only subtext. Specifically in a “isn’t it interesting that other ships between main characters get clearly teased as romantic possibility, but when it’s the core relationship of the show that just so happens to be between two characters played by women, they would never explicitly hint that there might be anything romantic going on there” way. (For a long time, I tried to convince myself this didn’t bother me. It does.) 

Like don’t get me wrong, I adore their friendship and I am very cool with their relationship being entirely platonic in the audios. However, my feelings are also very context-dependent, and the context is an audio drama series in which the only explicitly queer characters are side/minor characters who die horribly (and also only exist in the very recent releases). There are no canon f/f relationships or canonically queer women in the entire series (no, Leela/Veega doesn’t count, they were pretty explicit on that being not canon), in contrast with plenty of canon m/f relationships. This is also why I say that I’d be 100% unbothered if Gallifrey really was equal-opportunity devoid of romance (I really genuinely enjoy the friendship-centric narrative of this series, it’s so good) or even had significant canonically queer side characters, but when there’s such a pointed ignoring of any queer subtext and a general ‘would never ever make any main character canonically queer’ vibe throughout the whole series (I am looking at you Unity) it’s.....hmmm. It just doesn’t feel good, you know? 

To end on a lighter (ish) note, going to talk about shippy things for a sec — so I have many headcanon universes that float around in my brain, but generally speaking when I’m writing Romana/Leela fic or thinking about the possibility of their relationship being romantic at some point, I tend to go for things happening between them later in the audios (ideally post-Enemy Lines), with the early series just being endless unresolved tension. But gosh there is a part of me that’s interested in the disaster universe where they do get romantically involved with each other post-Spirit (because as far as the early series go, it does feel like it has to be post-Spirit, when Leela does make the choice to stay with Romana/for Romana on Gallifrey) because oh god that’s so emotionally messy. (It’s only been six months and change since Leela’s husband first disappeared! We’re only two episodes away from Andred’s death! She’s not in a healthy emotional space to be doing this right now, and neither is Romana, frankly! Especially given what’s going to happen in the next several episodes.....but oof wow there’s certainly a story to explore there). 

This was not a lighter note, I’m so sorry. Anyways, friendly reminder that I’m always down to go on and on about Romana/Leela, I have....so many feelings about them. Also if you’ve actually read through this entire post, wow and thank you??

Previous Episode Reaction: Lies

[imagine-that-one-thing]

A letter to ring out 2020.

As 2020 comes to a close, thankfully, in the last few hours, I sit here thinking with the longing need to type my thoughts. 

202 has been on hell of a year, both good and bad, it has challenged me in more ways than I could imagine, it has broken me in more ways than one, and at the same time it also helped me put myself back together and continue to grow. The year was so flamboyant and all over the place, at one point, my mental health was really good, it took me quite a while to get it to where it was, and then it slowly declined because of the mass chaos 2020 had to offer. Never the less, I bounced back-- I’m still bouncing back. 

This year feels as though it has been a very long, distant blur that seemed like it would never end, but here we are, thankfully. I started the year with the loml and I reconnecting, and just like that so much happened to force us to have a break that benefited us individually, we both learnt some life lessons and grew in ways that we needed, we both had to have a lesson on who our true friends were-- and for that I am thankful. When push came to shove, he was there and so was his family when mine weren’t, and I was shown the true meaning of “Sometimes, family isn’t just blood.” Without much detail, as another year ends, I am more than thankful for him and them, they have been a blessing amongst a lot of darkness... We all hold each other up, no matter the circumstances or relationship status... Haha, I have to laugh at that, sorry. When I came to realise that some of my own family act as though I am no longer apart of the family, I was given the sweet speech of, “It’s okay, you have us, we have claimed you, even if you haven’t married our son because he is being an idiot.” Which again, led me to the understanding of blood isn’t always everything. And at that point, I knew I truly had some of the best people around me. 

When the lock down came, at first, it was beneficial to me, it was time to find myself, to breathe and not have the notion that “I need to do more” it was okay to take a break and to literally stop and smell the roses or to sit outside in the sun mindlessly for hours. Along with the lockdown showed me the ignorance of some people, but I won’t get into those details. 

This year, I found myself, then I lost myself and then I found myself again... and, oops, I lost myself, but that is okay. It is apart of life and apart of adapting to the situations that occur. I’ll probably lose and find myself hundred more times before I am thirty, but that is the point of living and learning. I learnt that no matter what happens, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, it might be the tiniest slither, but it is there, and it is up to us as individuals to follow it or ignore it and dwell on the darkness. 

2020 has seen a lot of devastation overall and in general, but I have seen communities come together and restore humanity that a lot of us had thought was lost. When my town was destroyed to a night of tornadoes, the next morning everybody got up and was helping everyone, people from out of town were showing up to clean the mess that was left behind of a horrible and deadly night that left so many without homes and without their lives. Seeing that there were still kind people out there really made my heart full. I realised that even when it seems the world has gone mad and so have those living in it, there are still sweet souls out there-- humanity isn’t at a complete loss, at least not yet. 

I can sit here and ramble all day about the year and the shit show it has been, but for every shit show, there has been a silver lining.

As we leave 2020 behind, I pray more than anything that 2021 is so much better for everybody. I hope that 2021 brings us all the love, happiness and success we deserve and long for. I hope 2021 fixes the parts of us that 2020 destroyed, I pray that 2021 is a year that we can celebrate and enjoy without the bitterness. I hope those struggling with emotional, mental or physical health can find the help and stability that they need. I hope 2021 is a memorable year in a positive way. 

And as I conclude this little letter to absolutely nobody but my own sanity, I pray that those who we lost in 2020 will not be forgotten, they will long live in our hearts and be remembered as the lovely souls that they are... Each and every person who isn’t going into 2021 with us, may they find peace and watch over their loved ones. 

I release all the negativity of 2020 and rejoice with the positivity in my life that will more forward into 2021. 

Goodbye 2020 and hello 2021, bring us nothing but prosperity, love, success and the wishes we individually manifest. 

                                                                                    All the love, me. Xx

[symptoms-syndrome]

hey, do you know of any book, place or anything that could help me understand how gender and dissociation can interact, especially wrt dissociated parts of self? or can you share what your experience with this has been if you've had any (if you're comfortable)? i'm really struggling to understand myself and my experiences and my gender identity and sexual orientation. i've already asked my t and she'll look into it but couldn't think of anything off the top of her head. hope this is ok to ask.

I’m putting this under a read more because it may get sort of long.

Hello!

I don’t know of any books or resources, but maybe some of my followers do.

However, as someone who is trans and dissociative, I can absolutely share my personal experience. I am very fortunate in that both the therapist that diagnosed me and my current therapist are trans. I highly recommend looking to see if there are any LGBTQ specific resources for therapy in your area, if that’s a part of your identity you consider important to you and your mental wellbeing.

I am a bisexual trans person with moderate levels of dysphoria, who identifies as nonbinary/transmasculine, and has been on HRT for about two years and is in the beginning stages of planning bottom surgery/GCS. For both HRT and GCS, I believe DID is one of the specific things they mention as being “controlled“ before starting medical transition. For better or for worse, I got my diagnosis after about a year of HRT. I am choosing to proceed with GCS/HRT despite my diagnosis, but that’s a very personal decision that I’ve given a lot of thought and I don’t necessarily condone that universally.

I do remember when I was doing the initial dissociative test, there were a few parts of it my therapist mentioned could be due to dissociation OR dysphoria, such as phrases like “when I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize my reflection,” or something of the sort. That is something your therapist should take into account, and you could communicate with them about why you might feel that way, be it due to dissociation, dysphoria, or both. However, on those sorts of tests there is a “baseline,“ so being wishy-washy on the specifics of one or two questions won’t drastically change your score one way or the other.

Using this example, there are times I look in the mirror and I don’t like what I see, or it isn’t what I’m expecting. When this is leaning more towards dysphoria, it’s mostly gendered things that I notice feel “off,“ such as my hips, my shoulders, etc. When this is leaning more towards dissociation, it’s more “general.” Something is off, and I can’t tell what, or it feels like everything is off. (Additionally, dysphoria generally carries more upsetting/negative thoughts, while dissociation is more neutral “oh, that’s not right.” However, everyone experiences dysphoria differently, so that may not be case for you.) Sometimes, though, I can’t really tell if it’s dysphoria or dissociation. It’s a murky middle ground.

WRT to sexual orientation, it’s important to remember that like. You don’t really need to have a set one, and you don’t need to tell anyone else if you don’t want to. I identify as bisexual, and sometimes I lean more towards this gender or that one, sometimes there’s no preference at all, sometimes I can’t imagine being with one gender and can only imagine myself with another, it’s all very fluid and personally I think that’s an experience a lot of people have outside of dissociation. You don’t need to file any paperwork or have an “official“ sexual orientation you have to stick with. A lot of folks simply identify as “queer“ for that reason. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of your sexual orientation, and it’s okay to not know, and just focus on the people you like, rather than broader categories like gender.

WRT your own gender identity, a lot of the above still applies. You don’t need a name for your gender if you don’t want one. All other people really have to know are the pronouns you prefer, which you can change whenever. I have some parts that are women, though most of them don’t fully front very often, and when they do they don’t really mind the body they’re in, or the pronouns folks use for them. I on a whole identify as nonbinary/transmasc solely because most of the parts that do front either identify that way, or don’t mind identifying that way. I, as a part, personally don’t remember coming out, or identifying any differently. I know I’ve been out since around 7th grade even though I don’t remember it, and most parts that are most present don’t remember high school or anything before it. For me, I’m mostly taking an “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it“ approach. I came into consciousness identifying as transmasculine, and I don’t have strong feelings about NOT being transmasculine, neither do any of the parts I’m aware of. Overall, 99% of the time, parts present either identify as nonbinary/transmasc, or don’t take issue with being perceived that way.

I think it’s also important to remember that with social transition, you’re allowed to basically do whatever you want. You can cut your hair and it’ll grow back. You can buy new clothes and return them. You can wear makeup or not wear makeup, bind or not bind, tuck or not tuck, and pretty much everything is reversible. As long as you are being safe, you can try out as many gender presentations as you like.

With HRT and surgeries, this is not the case. While stopping HRT can reverse SOME of the effects, there are some things that will not go back to the way they were. It’s important to remember your whole self and consider all aspects, as folks with dissociative parts may have more complicated relationships with their gender and their body. It’s also important to remember HRT will change aspects of your body, but won’t change you. Medical transition is a huge decision, and one that can very positively change your life, but also has the potential to negatively impact you, too. You also do NOT have to medically transition to be valid in your gender identity, nor do you owe anyone an explanation as to why you choose or choose not to medically transition. If you take a while to decide, the choice to start will always be there. You can always decide that you want to start medical transition later.

Depending on where you are and where you go to medically transition though, they may already have these safeguards in place to make sure you don’t do something you regret later. It’s important even for non-dissociative folks to carefully consider the choice to medically transition.

This has all been very rambly, and I’m sorry. I just wanted to get an answer out because this ask has been sitting in my inbox for a while.

[mystic-kitten-writer]

You’re so sweet for being so reassuring and not minding at all how I ramble about astrology 🧡 I’m very flattered with how you said how observant I am, thank you for that! But oh my gosh, please, there’s nothing to be jealous about. I personally feel like I get bogged down by details that at times I get too caught up and the bigger picture gets overlooked. (1/9)

And Zuko really is the poster child of a Mars man, you summed it up perfectly!! I am far from being an expert, but I love the validation you shower me with 🥰 Though I actually would love to reach a level where I can offer chart readings to anyone interested and have it be some kind of little side job one day. But ahh, there’s still so much I have to learn, from traditional to modern, it’s a discipline really worth getting into. (2/9)

I’ve never really thought about Azula’s nor Mai’s sign. Now I really want to think + look into it! It would be fun to analyze how that affected their dynamic with Zuko. I’ve been meaning to do a rewatch of the entire series due to quarantine, but even with staying home, there’s still school. And I find myself more stressed and not in the proper headspace to do a whole rewatch + be able to appreciate it properly. Idk if that made any sense, but hopefully I get over it soon. (3/9)

I’m hypothesizing that Azula has strong Leo/Scorpio to her, though she shows the negative qualities. She’s very loud, loud as in she makes people take notice of her + seeks praise/basks in any praise given to her, feeling entitled to all of it. Though I have to give it to her, she has this compelling vibe to her, so her entitlement is valid. She’s also cunning + manipulative and is a master at being so. Though none of that is her fault, she just really didn’t know any better. (4/9)

I would associate Mai’s no bull-shit attitude with Capricorn/Aquarius. I actually haven’t read the comics but her no bull-shit persona shines in the series and it’s fantastic! She’s not upfront with her feelings, but blunt with everything else. At the same time, she didn’t have a problem with stepping up when needed, such as stepping up to Azula. All of which fit into the archetypes of Cap/Aqua. And I agree communication between her and Zuko would be crucial for understanding between them. (5/9)

Those are my best guesses, I’ll get back to you more on how their signs played into their interactions with Zuko when I get to rewatching the series later! Yue’s gentleness comes from her Venus energy, and it’s wonderful how it allows Zuko’s inner Cancer to be visible. I also just realized Yue’s Libra energy and Zuko’s Aries energy play a part as to why they’re so appealing to each other too. They are opposites that just absolutely complement each other! (6/9)

Oh, I’m a Taurus + Libra moon + Sagittarius ascendant! Thanks for being curious ☺️ Going back to how you said you’re a Scorpio and your sister is a Taurus, I can relate. My mom is a Scorpio, and similarly, it took growing up for me to understand where my mom is coming from because we used to disagree on a bunch of things. I don’t have a proper explanation for it tbh. Other than the fact that Taurus and Scorpio are naturally opposites, so misunderstandings can easily arise. (7/9)

Though funny enough, I have a lot of people in my life that have Scorpio in their chart, and I’ve read a few times that if signs that naturally oppose each other make the effort to connect, then the connection is extraordinary. And as a Taurus, the people who positively affected me most are people with Scorpio energy, so I guess it’s the universe’s way of bringing balance. (8/9)

Omg, all of my asks basically make up a whole essay on astrology, and I really can’t believe I typed all that out. But thank you for sharing my enthusiasm for it 💓 I promise I can talk about things other than astrology though, aha. The next time I send you a message it’ll be on a different topic for sure! Also, I have no idea if any parts duplicated/are missing because Tumblr made me wait an hour before I could send everything. So I hope everything shows up properly! (9/9) - 🌻

I don’t know if it’s just me – but it makes my DAY getting long asks.

I love reading people’s words because you can tell how much effort and joy the person has while writing something (whatever the topic is). Like high-key, I wait for your asks because they’re always so long and in-depth, and as someone who suffers from word vomit – I can appreciate the passion and overall love. So, you better not send me short asks – I will hold it against you 😂 LOOL I need an essay buddy~! 😉

I AM CLAIMING DIBS ON BEING YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER. You can read my whole soul damnit because while I totally agree with you that Astrology is a broad discipline with much material to learn and cover, you have a vast knowledge on the topic already. I can totally see you doing it! You explain things very well, and as I read, I find myself learning stuff, and as someone who loves learning – your attention to detail and how clear you are is much appreciated.

Trust me, I get that feeling of stress. Like even though I finished school, and I can relax for the summer because my summer classes got cancelled, being stuck at home is starting to get to me. I’m very much an ambivert (leaning towards introverted), and usually, being alone is my fav zone. Still, I do enjoy going for walks and staying active (even if it's solo activities #Idontdoteamworkandusuallyendedupplayingsoloevents). But the weather has been poor, and I think all my family and friends are starting to get cabin fever 😅. Are you done your classes for the semester yet, or do you still have time to go?

OUUU, I see that mix of Leo Scorpio. Gosh, you're so good at this stuff. I can ask you questions all day LOOL. Like that manipulative aspect is, no doubt in my mind, a Scorpio thing 🙈. Like I’m a Scorpio, and even I can admit it – we’re master manipulators (for better or worse). But I’m surprised by the Mai one! Not because I don’t agree, but because I couldn’t pin one down for her, but I think you nailed it. I’m excited to see if you change your opinions once you watch the show. Because something I notice that happens naturally as you age, is certain traits of the zodiac signs become more prominent or disappear. Because, unsurprisingly, first episode Zuko to comic books Zuko are pretty much two completely different characters. He went from ‘don’t touch me’ to starting every single hug in the comic books with Aang and Sokka, etc. (Soft Zuko does things to me 🤭).

SO, QUESTION – how does Yue’s Venus influence Zuko’s cancer, and how does Yue’s Libra’s energy influence Zuko’s Aries? Like I know, they influence each other, but I’m trying to find the right words, or examples, of it happening. Or ways to describe how they affect each other. I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense. I just – there’s so much to learn, and I want to know more and more 🤯

HANDS DOWN, I would not label you as a Taurus!

I was going to label you as a Libra (so I’m happy I got that one right, kind of), but I’m so shooketh about the Taurus. But I can’t agree with you more on the fact that while Taurus/Scorpio’s are opposites, if they put effort into the relationship, it's incredible. Because I think a lot of it stems from miscommunication. Like I believe communication is vital in any given relationship, obliviously, but certain signs need an extra sprinkle of it to work.

My sister just had a second baby, and her first baby is a Libra/Scorpio cusp, and the second girl is Scorpio, and her husband is also a Libra/Scorpio cusp. I had to laugh and say good luck raising two mini-mes! She’s like I shot myself in the foot LOOL 😂😂😂

And don’t worry about it, hunny! If I ever miss a part, I’ll send a post right away in search of your missing ones because I need your words 😉

[sunghoonied]

Someone you loved - Jung Wooyoung

genre : angst/fluff

words : 1638

requested : by anon

side note : not proofread, sorry for being so late again, but I really hope you like it. I personally like it a lot.

“I’m sorry y/n, we can’t keep doing this. I don’t want us to drift apart because we can’t see each other as much as we did until now.”

You let your gaze fall to the ground, not wanting to show him the tears that were gathering in front of your pupil. 

“I’m sorry y/n. I love you.”

With that said, he walked away, leaving a sad, angry, empty you. How could he let a two year relationship end like that? “I love you” he said, but did he really? Or did he just used going to college as an excuse to break up with you because he had lost his feelings for you? Your brain was too busy trying to take it in your stride that you didn’t notice his sad gaze on you when he turned around to check if you were still here.

Breaking up with you was so hard for him. But his friends told him that he probably couldn’t bear being in a long distance relationship, so he might as well break up with you. At first, Wooyoung had thought that you could make it work, however he ended up thinking otherwise as his friends were telling him that it could never work.

You spent your summer vacation thinking about Wooyoung, reliving your relationship through your memories, your pictures, and the few videos you had. You ended up crying yourself to sleep every single night, unfortunately you couldn’t even forget about Wooyoung while you slept, because he was always in your dreams. You thought you would go crazy if you kept thinking about him 24/7, but you couldn’t help.

You remembered your confession.

“Hey Woo,” you’d said, “would you like to go out and eat ice cream with me someday?”

“Like a date?” he’d asked.

“I- uh… yes… if you want to make it a date.” you answered, blushing and stuttering.

“Then I’d be more than happy to go out and eat ice cream with you.” he smiled.

During the date, he held your hand, he kissed your temple, your forehead, your cheek, he paid for your ice cream, which made you feel kind of bad, since you were the one to ask him out. He reassured you though, at the end of the date, that he was actually going to ask you out right when you asked him.

“Okay, so I guess I have to leave you here.” he paused, “I enjoyed this date. And I hope there will be many more dates in the future.” He was blushing furiously, which made you think he was really cute.

“I hope so too. Thank you for going on this date with me.” you simply said.

Your remembered your first kiss.

He was walking you home from the cinema. You were walking slowly, hand in hand, close to each other. Your gaze was stuck on the stars dangling over your heads in the night sky. Wooyoung’s was alternating between the pathway and your face. To him, you had never looked more beautiful - even though you looked the same as any other day - than at this moment. His heart started racing, and his lips turned upwards without him controlling anything.

When you arrived in front of your house, he held both of your hands in his, making you look at him. There was so much love in your eyes. Not only for him, but for your family, your friends, the world, life. It seemed like you were the incarnation of love.

Neither of you was speaking, you were just staring at each other, studying the other’s face. After a few minutes, you heard Wooyoung’s voice.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, not wanting to disturb the calm atmosphere that had settled around you. You nodded, and with that, Wooyoung delicately touched your lips with his. The kiss only lasted about two seconds, but it was so sweet and bore so much love that it made you both weak in the knees.

You dreamed about him coming back to you, taking you in his arms and just whispering sweet things in your ear, telling you that this was a big mistake, that he didn’t mean it, that you were fine.

You dreamed about him knocking on your door and coming in to cuddle you while watching a movie.

You spent an awful summer vacation, just because of Wooyoung. It passed very slowly, just because of Wooyoung. You tried to move on, to forget about him, but you loved him too much, you missed him too much. 

Your first day of college was actually better than what you expected. You met a few people and quickly got along with them. You got to meet some of your professors as well, and they all seemed to be nice. You were looking forward to your first year of college.

It’s only when you got back home, got back in your room full of pictures of you and Wooyoung that you realised you had not thought about him even once during the day. A strange feeling appeared in you. It wasn’t joy, but it wasn’t sadness either. It wasn’t positive, but not negative either. 

You forgot about Wooyoung while you were at school, but you were constantly reminded of him when you were home. That’s why you ended up buying a metal box, in which you put everything that reminded you of him. The pictures. A USB key with all your videos together. The small plushies he got you. The only thing you couldn’t put in the box was your bracelet. He bought it for your birthday two years ago, and you had never taken it off. You decided that it wouldn’t hurt either to keep it on your wrist. With that, you closed the box, and put it on top of your closet, so that you wouldn’t be constantly reminded of your past relationship, but you wouldn’t throw everything away either.

Him, on the other hand, seemed to have moved on pretty quickly. He made new friends in college as well, occasionally went on a few dates. He was happy overall, but you stayed in a corner of his mind, and he knew he still loved you just as much as he did before, if not more. 

Everything went well for him until that one particular night, where you felt like absolute shit, and he was pulling a small party at his place with his college friends. 

You needed to hear his voice, he was playing video games with his friends.

You called him, and his eyes went wide when he saw your name on his phone. He couldn’t not answer, it was obviously serious if you had to call him even though you had broken up a few months ago.

“Y/n?” His jaw dropped when he heard you cry on the other side. “Y/n what happened? Why are you crying?” He excused himself to go to his bedroom, in order to be alone with you.

“Y/n? I’ve never heard this name. Who’s that?” Yunho, one of Wooyoung’s new friends, asked.

“I think she’s his ex.” San, Wooyoung’s closest friend answered quietly.

“Why would his ex call him? And why would he answer?” Yunho was confused.

San decided to go eavesdropping in order to get some more information.

“Wooyoung… I miss you so much,” you managed to say in between sobs, “I started moving on several weeks ago, but tonight, everything came back to me, the memories, the dates, and I couldn’t help but open the box again and here I am, breaking down, and bothering you while you’re probably with your new friends or new girlfriend or both, and I’m so sorry but I just need you back in my life, I know it’s selfish of me to ask you that, but I love you so much, I don’t think I can ever love someone else so much. I’m sorry Wooyoung, I love you.” you rambled before hanging up. 

Wooyoung stayed still for a few seconds, too shocked upon hearing you confess again while crying. He quickly went back to himself and called you back. Tears started gathering in his eyes, his body started shaking a bit because of the emotional shock he just got.

You immediately answered Wooyoung’s call when you noticed his name on your phone, though you couldn’t say anything, as he started rambling just like you did a few minutes before.

“Y/n, I didn’t know how you were feeling. I was told by my high school friends that we couldn’t make our relationship work anymore if we weren’t in the same city, and I believed them. That’s why I broke up with you. The truth is, I’m still madly in love with you too, and I never really moved on… I’m so sorry to be the cause of your pain…”

San couldn’t believe what he just heard. Wooyoung believed his friends when they told him he couldn’t make his relationship work? He didn’t know you, but he suddenly felt really sad for you.

After Wooyoung stopped talking, you took about a minute to process what he had told you. A small smile appeared on your face, and hope sparkled in your body and mind.

“Wooyoung, could we… do you think we… could start again?” you carefully asked, lips trembling, making your words tremble as well. You heard Wooyoung gasp on the other side of the line, which made your eyes go wide. You could only relax when he whispered the two words you wanted to hear so bad.

“Of course.”

“Great, because I couldn’t get used to being someone you loved. I wanted to be someone you love.”

“You’re the one that I love, and that will never change, Y/n. I promise. I’m sorry.”

“I love you.”

[jeremiahgrey]

JEREMIAH GREY ##STATS&BIO

Basic Information

Full Name: jeremiah grey

Nickname(s): jay

Age: twenty-four

Date of Birth: march 23, 1995

Zodiac Sign: aries

Hometown: las vegas, nevada

Current Location: san francisco, california

Ethnicity: his mother is caucasian, his father is african american

Nationality: american

Gender: cis male

Pronouns: he/him

Orientation: heterosexual

Physical Appearance

Face Claim: justice smith

Hair Colour: dark brown

Eye Colour: dark brown

Height: 5′10″ (178 cm)

Weight: 149 lbs (68 kg)

Health

Physical Ailments: none

Neurological Conditions: borderline personality disorder

Allergies: none

Sleeping Habits: varies, depending on level of anxiety/current state of mind.

Eating Habits: varies. tends to snack frequently, rather than eat large meals.

Exercise Habits: goes for a run 1-2 times a day.

Emotional Stability: it varies, but overall about a 5 or 6.

Sociability: likes to be alone, or in the company of 1-5 other people. but he doesn’t fear public places or crowds and doesn’t have social anxiety (typically). just a preference.

Addictions: cigarettes, usually stress related.

Drug Use: none that he consumes habitually. he’s experimented with psychedelics and marijuana, but it’s just a once in while type thing.

Alcohol Use: about once or twice a week on average.

Personality

Positive Traits: adaptable, adventurous, amusing, charming, determined, quick witted, resourceful, tough

Negative Traits: detached, finicky, moody, obsessive, quick tempered, stubborn, unstable

Hobbies: swimming, running, conspiracy theories, hiking, visiting abandoned towns/buildings & old cemeteries, people watching

Habits: smoking, whistling, biting the skin around his nails, fiddling with objects or his clothing, tapping his foot

BIO:

TRIGGER WARNINGS: CHILDHOOD ABUSE, SELF HARM & SUICIDE IS BRIEFLY MENTIONED, MENTAL HEALTH

Jeremiah grew up in Las Vegas

His father left him and his mother when Jeremiah was 12. He had been verbally and physically abusive to both of them up until his departure.

The trauma stuck with Jeremiah and later led to him being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder

When he was in middle school he would have “episodes” of social and mental withdrawal. They would last a few hours typically, and without the clinical resources to diagnose it, he would always refer to it as being “trapped in himself”

Being trapped meant he was disassociating. He would basically just “blank out.” An inability to focus on one thing, just racing thoughts that he couldn’t keep track of or characterize. Often times he would have to physically escape as well, isolating from other people. A lot of the time he had urges to self harm, or even suicidal fantasies.

His personality for the most part was bubbly and charismatic, he was adventurous and always starting a new hobby or interest. And then he would become “trapped” in his mind.

His inability to characterize his mental illness, and his childhood trauma, culminated in a short temper.

He was suspended from school in his junior year for getting into a fist fight. He was sent to mandatory counseling sessions, where he was formally diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder.

For a few years he faded in and out, never quite having a quick fix or remedy when he felt trapped or angry. And he refused medication, or any forms of continued therapy.

His senior year of school he just couldn’t put up with it anymore. The bouts of aggression, being labelled a freak, the lost sense of loneliness that accompanied being “trapped.”

Every time he’d have an “episode” he would journal. An attempt at collecting and manifesting the racing thoughts. He would smoke a cigarette, hold his breath, count to ten, and write everything he possibly could. Then he would go for a run.

It worked, at least a little bit. It made him feel more in control. A way to cope. And whenever he feels it coming on, he has to get away, and chase that ability of control. He doesn’t always have to write, but he needs to do something. Go to the top of a building and yell his thoughts, or to a creek to throw rocks and count out his feelings. It’s not a one hundred percent fix, and he still has outbursts that mimic rage. But he can clench his fists and disappear and try to deal with it.

He moved to San Francisco when he was twenty one. Just to get out on his own, face the world. His mom had a new boyfriend, someone better than his father. And he felt okay leaving her, finding himself.

Today he’s still the same guy with borderline personality disorder, but it’s not a ghost that unwittingly haunts him. He just lets it happen, redefines it. Yeah, a bit unstable, but he doesn’t fear it anymore. Of course, he still has the traumatic threads of his pasts that still weave into his character from time to time. But he feels more free than he’s ever felt before. He has an apartment, and a job, and a different outlook on his mental health. It doesn’t feel like he’s trapped anymore, it’s just a burst of  inward thinking that he can channel into something recognizable and bearable.

Jeremiah works as a delivery guy for the businesses on Carroway Street.

FAST FACTS / HEADCANONS / PERSONALITY:

Goofy and lovable, unless he’s in a “mood.” Sometimes he may seem a bit odd or scatter-brained, jumping from topic to topic in conversation.

Likes memorizing random facts, and sprinkles them in when talking to people. He doesn’t naturally have a very good memory, so he tries to purposefully improve on that.

Often comes up with nicknames for people.

Sometimes he’ll just say some cryptic, vague shit. Something ominous or nonsensical. This is just him thinking out loud usually.

The way he interacts with people is usually pretty vibe based. If someones a dick, he’s a dick. If someones acting tough, he’ll probably try to get under their skin or irritate them a bit. He’s not afraid to say what’s on his mind, and usually the thought of “filtering” himself isn’t even present. It doesn’t feel controversial to him to say some of the things he says. He doesn’t think of himself as bold or brash, but he’s come to learn over his entire lifetime that it’s the reason he’s so often branded as a freak or a weirdo.

ALSO just because he doesn’t “filter” himself in conversations, doesn’t automatically mean he’s an asshole, or saying rude things constantly. A lot of the times he will say stupidly sweet things that the average person would find cringy or awkward to say to another human being so brazenly.

He’s also pretty good at reading people, just he’s not very good at acting accordingly and appropriately?? I guess? Like he can pick up on vibes, but that probably won’t change the fact that he’s gonna say what he’s going to say. 

And lastly (I promise this is the end and I’m sorry this got rambly oops) he’s kind of stubborn and can be bossy, like once he gets something in his head like THAT’S IT, he’s doing it and he wants you to do it. And you can call him bull-headed or balky but he’s just going to insist he’s passionate and determined. And it’s probably annoying to the people around him but he doesn’t really care honestly he’ll probably just rant and rave and somehow convince whoever he’s with because he has a sort of cheeky charm about him. but also he’s a pain in the ass sometimes i guess.

PLAYLIST:

coming soon

WANTED PLOTS/CONNECTIONS:

any of these can be platonic or romantic, depending on how we develop them!!!

a friend that he can just “shoot the shit” with. someone who will go on little adventures with and sit in the woods with or sit on the beach with and listen to music. they never pry about his mood swings and they give him space and stuff?

someone who works at jukebox records and doesn’t mind when he loiters around all day and recommends music to him, and sometimes they’ll sit at one of the listening booth things at the store and listen to each others recommendations together.

a drinking/karaoke buddy

someone he met when he first moved to san fran (3 years ago), and maybe he’s told them about his past and his mental illness and his coping mechanisms and they’re good at recognizing the signs and they kinda help him out and let him vent and they’re just supportive and understanding. but also respect when he just needs to be alone or escape, but checks up on him cause < 3 < 3

a neighbor (in his apartment, and im assuming he lives in the calloway apartments i guess) but they started off as enemies kinda? like maybe one of them would blast music and then the other would bang on the walls and be mad and leave little passive aggressive notes telling them to stop being annoying. but maybe the loud music stopped or something?? and then the other person was like “whoa are they okay?” so then they started leaving notes that were caring and supportive and maybe little gifts or knick knacks or food for them, or little scavenger hunts, and then they just kinda started hanging out one day. IDK, this can be discussed more in depth/particular in dm’s i guess. this would be cutesy i feel!!!

an ex girlfriend or ex fwb. but it didn’t work out because they couldn’t really deal with jeremiah’s mood swings or his need to disappear sometimes, and how vague he would be about it. or maybe they suggested he should go to therapy or a support group, and since he is such a stubborn little pain in the butt he just became distant and felt judged and went cold on them. maybe there’s still some lingering feelings there, either positive or negative. we can discuss the particulars in dm!!!

someone with mental health issues, that he met at a support group when he first came to san fran. but jeremiah stopped attending the meetings after only a few. this relationship could be a lot of different things! maybe it’s hostile/confrontational, because they have differing viewpoints on how to treat mental illness. it could be supportive. or maybe it’s like a secret?? like maybe this other person was at the support group for reasons that they’ve never told anyone, and like, jeremiah can be their trusted friend or confidante.

NOTE: if there are any connections that aren’t mentioned here, but you feel like would really suit my muse, please feel free to message me!!!!!! with anything!!!!!!!