#(super long read and also can be changed about for threads)

[elodieunderglass]

this feels like a strange question but in light of your info about how jockeys don't usually know or train with the horses they race on - what are jockeys..... for? what is the jockey doing that the horse couldn't be trained to do independently? does a good or bad jockey make a significant difference to how well a given horse does in a race?

Right?!

In a way, asking what the jockey’s for also asks the question of “why race horses?” Why do it at all, and why horses?

We sort of do it because horses are fast and exciting, and because they do what we tell them, even though it’s not in their nature. Because it’s not their nature, they have a jockey.

I’ve put this under a “Keep Reading” to save your dash.

Horses could be trained to race by themselves to some extent, but it wouldn’t be like greyhound racing - greyhounds are sighthounds, running perfectly reasonable dog software on top of ancient and serviceable dog hardware, practicing a variation of hunting behaviour. Horses wouldn’t do this; they have little desire to chase a mechanical rabbit. they have even less plan than a greyhound about what they’d do if they caught it. (Also, in terms of animal welfare, greyhound racing isn’t widely celebrated; loose animals running around aren’t better off than controlled ones.)

Racing-to-find-a-winner is not herding behaviour, even though some horses do seem to possess a natural interest in the topic. You could train some of them to understand better, and that’s what racehorse training is, but the way we have of training that is to put someone on their back to explain to them what their job is, so it all becomes circular anyway. Why do it? Why not? Why do humans race horses? Why race horses? We could just race snails; it’d be cheaper!

One answer is that when horses just Go, it isn’t super Fun. They mostly Go to pieces.

The jockey is the pilot, or software, who understands the situation and has a goal to achieve. The horse is not an engine, but a thinking animal; they have their own goals and interests, which are often satisfied by just running around in a predator-confusing fashion with their friends for 2 minutes, and then crashing into a car, eating hot chips and lying. Most of them do not really care how long 3 minutes is, what a mile means, what “pacing” is, or what “winning” is. They just have Go, and so they do that for a bit, and then fuck off.

I guess another metaphor would be Mario Kart. There are various combinations of automated and human players in a game of Mario Kart, and if racing was just about going fast, the fastest vehicle should always win. But a decent human player can beat the NPCs even if the human hasn’t bothered min/maxxing a vehicle, just because they can be moderately smart about how to race. An adult can often beat a child at Mario Kart, even if the adult takes a much worse vehicle, because in theory, brains/experience/strategy/planning factor into “who wins a race,” and we LIKE that.

Same with car racing. Why not just race autonomous vehicles? In F1, where they build their own cars, why not include the driving software in the design? Or why not remote-control them? Why bother strapping a poor driver into a flameproof suit? Fans will tell you it’s strategy. The human driver uses tactics and responsiveness and skill - but, below all this, the dark red thread of the human is risking their life and we like that.

In theory, jockeys are more intelligent than thoroughbreds, and have more of a plan: setting pace, knowing what time is, changing strategy, evaluating stamina, conducting the horse safely through traffic and over jumps, and adding a complicating element of human interest. In practice, it’s believed that they have relatively little influence on race outcomes - a bad jockey on a good horse can win or lose a race; a good jockey on a bad horse usually just loses; oh, what the hell, let’s just race snails instead - but without the jockeys, you’d have to change the name of the sport to Horses Wandering Around A Carpark Kicking Lumps Off Each Other.

Here is a bunch of baby steeplechasers practicing the concept of Go in such a way that nobody gets to Go at all. After the un-mounted Snow Dragon wipes out most of the other horses and jockeys, all of the loose horses go faster without the weight of their riders, but after an initial show of interest in the concept, the loose horses all lose interest and focus.

It was funny (because nobody was hurt) but it wasn’t what anyone really wanted. In theory, that’s what the jockey is for: they’re supposed to be the adult, in a game where you can win by doing that.

But none of it has to be happening, any more than Investments need to be Managed, you know? It would also be fine if we didn’t! Michael O’Sullivan, an Irish jockey, just died racing this very week and there’s the dark red thread again: the human is risking their life.

The consumption of animal and human in an ancient sport is fascinating and visceral and compelling; but you’re right to question it; none of it has to be that way.

As for the second half of your question: a bad jockey can make a good horse lose. A good jockey cannot make a bad horse win. But most people and most horses are not particularly exceptional, or particularly anything at all; they are just workers running in a circle.

Top jockeys on average horses win more often than other people on average horses. Top jockeys and champions exist, with year-on-year records and recorded material evidence of their decision-making and risks paying off, indicating that there’s consistency of winning across skill and experience that makes their success better-than/random; it would be worth doing a study controlling for the fact that top people are offered the best mounts.

It’s a test of horsemanship, too. Achieving flow - nonverbal command of an animal and fellow athlete, and sympathy together, such that they respect and trust you - having just met the animal - is an achievement of many skills, and if you broke a jockey’s skills down into different types, most ordinary people couldn’t do any of them. No core strength, no balance, bad hands, bad posture, no sense of body positioning, no internal timer, no ability to psychically mind-meld with an unhinged animal you don’t know personally… they’re all fairly rare, and it’s something else to make it complex and interesting for people who like that sort of thing.

Personally, I just like Killie’s little problems and the drama around them. The racing industry itself could collapse tomorrow, rendering Killie’s story historical fiction, and I’d be just as happy.

[darkpetal16]

What's sirentale sans like as a dad since that's a possible outcome? (Oh and sirentale wingding as a grandpa since he sees the MC as his child)

Hands on. He wants this so bad, so when the opportunity comes he’s desperate to be a good dad.

He’s read every book available. Listened to every podcast he can get his hands on. Taken classes on childcare and CPR.

Nest. NEST FOR THE CHILD. It is non negotiable. Baby sleeps with you both in your nest until old enough that Sans is reasonably confident they won’t die without constant supervision.

If you’re nursing, he’s got a constant streamline of snacks and water for you. If you’re using formula, he’s happy to take over feeding shifts so you can sleep.

Gets fast with diaper changes. Like, you have to wonder if there’s a world record because he’s so fast the baby doesn’t even register they’re missing pants.

Weaves a personal swaddle blanket for the baby using his own threads.

Toddler stage he’s taking them out for swimming lessons on the daily. If they’ve inherited his moth side, he’ll swap it out for flying. Exercise is an important developmental aspect and he won’t skimp out on it.

Lazy! Cuddle! Sundays! Or whichever day you also have off. It’s a day dedicated to constant snuggles in the family home. No leaving. No cooking. No chores. Just constant physical affection and play.

When the child is big enough to rough house, Sans is ready to play. Orcas love playing with their pods, and one of his favorite games is chase! If his kid shows interest in being the predator he’s happy to play dead every so often.

But the kid DOES have to work for it. He won’t give it freely.

If you have a demanding job, he’ll take a career in education so he has more free time to spend with them. If you want to stay at home / take a more freeing job then he’ll take a career in science with Wingding.

He’s on the PTA. He will fight any Karen or Chad who gets in the way of his kid’s education.

(He and Wingdings will join forces as need be in this regard. Education is very important to both of them. And Wingding lowkey loves the tea.)

Sometimes he likes to tease you about the drama. It’s cute seeing his little penguin get riled up.

“You cannot eat Billy’s Mom, Sans.”

“what if billy’s mom deserves it?”

“She’s just doing what she thinks is best for the children.”

“well what she thinks is stupid.”

You sign to Wingding for help. He shrugs and signs, “He’s not wrong.”

You give them both a look of pain.

Sans’ grin stretches. “i won’t eat her.”

“No hypnotizing either.”

“i won’t eat her.”

“Sans!”

He jokes but he won’t do anything that could jeopardize his kid’s life.

Little bit of a helicopter parent. Not in a restrictive way, but in a I need you to be honest and tell me where you are at all times way. He’s mostly supportive of whatever the kid wants to do and doesn’t care for curfews, just as long as he knows where his kid (and obviously it’s not a super dangerous area).

Although he won’t let his kid sleep over at someone else’s place. Too risky.

-

Wingding as a grandpa?

Oooooh. . . He doesn’t know how to deal with kids. He needs a lot of practice. The first time the baby cries in his arms, he is devastated.

You have to repeatedly reassure him it’s not him personally; the baby just needs to get to know him!

Wingding takes this to mean he has to visit daily to see the baby. Sans is Not Happy.

But Wingding knows the way to keep Sans at bay is through you, so he always brings your favorite treats as a bribe.

First time baby smiles at Wingding, he is struck by such overwhelming cute aggression he has to hand the baby back to you so he can excitedly sign.

If you get him a Best Grandpa mug he drinks from it daily.

At babbling stage, Wingding loves to listen to them talk. He nods along to everything they say even though he doesn’t understand a word of it.

When the child is big enough to go to school, Wingding will occasionally take them out of school as a surprise day trip to the movies.

So! Many! Books! The child will never want for books. Monthly grandpa/grandbaby trips to the bookstore.

You essentially have a permanent free babysitter whenever you and Sans need time to yourselves.

He loves them.

PLAY - IF SIREN CALL FOR SANS’ ROUTE

MASTERLIST

[laniemae]

Ok so yeah here’s gonna be my write up of my theories for the chapter 4 murder case and who could’ve done it because the trials super soon and I always do this. Idk how much of a mess this analysis will be this time there’s so many possibilities for what could’ve happened I’ll explore every one.

(T/N at the bottom of this really long essay I recap my thoughts on the timeline of events and the killer so if this feels too long to read just skip to there)

So where to start, I don’t exactly have a clear idea of who I think could’ve murdered Watari, and a lot of my analysis could be changed if one of the students involved was the culprit. But I’ll try.

Perhaps let’s first look at the timeframe. To start let’s mostly focus on what happened at nighttime as that’s where we can narrow events down the most. Around afternoon Hama got a note supposedly written by Watari to meet in the sewing room an hour past the nighttime announcement, I have more thoughts on that but this isn’t relevant at the moment. All we need to know is that Hama went up there at that time and met with Hiroaki, who he chatted with for a bit and left shortly after. We know Hama was telling the truth about that as Hiroaki said in [Recognition Test] “I already told you I didn’t see her!”. So then 30 minutes pass and Hiroaki leaves the sewing room, I don’t think where he was planning to go was important but notably Tamba was in the area when she bumped into him and attempted to push him down the stairs. This diverted both of them away from the 3rd floor where Tamba ran to try to get Hayashi and Hiroaki idk went to complain to Yanagi or something. 15 minutes later we’re with Hiroaki and Yanagi in the dining hall when they start to smell smoke coming from upstairs and notice the fire. Then after all of the panic that ensues the two of them find Watari’s body in the computer lab 14 minutes later.

To give a simplified version of the timeframe, it’d look something like this:

23:00-23:30 Hama goes to the sewing room as instructed by note, finds Hiroaki there but not Watari, left shortly after

23:30 Hiroaki leaves sewing room to go downstairs, Tamba tries to push him

23:45 Hiroaki and Yanagi talk in dining hall, notice smoke and find the 2nd floor on fire

23:47 people gather to deal with the fire, Hama and Watari are missing, Hayashi, Yanagi and Hiroaki run off

23:57 Wada, Hasegawa, Tamba and Ojima hiding in the pool

23:59 Hiroaki and Yanagi find Watari’s body in the computer lab

The timeframe between 23:30 and 23:45 is what we should focus on the most as this is when the fire would’ve been set. So to lay some ground rules down, it’s very likely the fire had started in the sewing room. The gasoline on the floor heavily hints to that plus the floor had collapsed, likely from the fire which had fallen down into the computer room and burnt the 2nd floor down, along with some fire damage from the initial fire on the 3rd floor. There’s also the mystery of how the fire started. I believe the jagged piece of metal found in the sewing room must’ve been the source, and the killer used it as a makeshift flint and steel or fire starter to start the fire. Which that and the gasoline must mean the killer was at the sewing room in those 15 minutes.

So within this period of time, the killer must’ve been hiding in the vicinity to watch Hiroaki leave and set up the fire in the room. They poured gasoline on the floor (likely prepared in advance) and left the note for Hama to find, causing him to run downstairs. The killer then proceeded to use the flint and steel to start the fire then probably retreated downstairs.

This is the basic jist of what happened between when Hiroaki left and noticed the smoke. I’d say this is a concrete base to go off on but there is a lot of dangling threads left by this. To first solve some things we can assume that the gasoline and flint and steel were prepared in advance, having being bought up beforehand to the 3rd floor. We can most likely assumed they were hidden in the floor’s supply closet as it’s close enough to the sewing room that the killer would’ve been able to set up the fire in the 15 minutes plus the storage closet was noted to look a bit different than before, probably from stuff being moved around.

So there’s a few routes we can take from here which all lead in very different directions. We have either the possibility that Watari was killed before Hiroaki left the sewing room and her body was likely hidden in the closet. Either that or she was killed in the fire. There’s also the other related question of whether Hiroaki or Watari was the intended victim. Hiroaki could’ve definitely been targeted for murder here as it feels strange that the murder was set up in the sewing room, which everyone knows he always is. But Watari ended up dead instead and there was a note to Hama addressed by her requesting to meet up in the sewing room right before the time of the murder.

First lets start with the idea of Watari being killed beforehand and held in the supply closet. This could definitely make sense in quite a few ways as it’d explain why she didn’t run away the fire and had died in the same place where it started. The killer could’ve been stalking Hiroaki and hiding in the supply closet with the body, and when he left to set up the gasoline, and after they lured Hama away to move her body to the sewing room which they started the fire. This was a theory I was going by for a while but thinking about it feels kinda weird.

First off, how was Watari killed exactly and why was there no blood found? It’s most likely going by this theory that she had died during the night which water supply is turned off so you wouldn’t be able to efficiently clean up blood. Plus there were no notable injuries on her body but at that point it was so heavily charred that it was hard to tell. There’s also with why they decided to set it up in the sewing room in the first place. It would’ve been really risky killing someone on the same floor that someone else is always on without being noticed. And they would’ve had to have been waiting in the supply room for who knows how long waiting for Hiroaki to leave. Which they wouldn’t have been able to predict at all and not know if he’d return back on them setting up the crime scene. The whole plan of starting a fire in the sewing room like this just feels way too risky going by this logic the more I think about it.

So then there’s the other possibility. Watari was killed in the sewing room after Hama had left the second time he came in. This is difficult to think about as the killer would’ve had very little time to pull this off, but it’s still a possibility worth considering if the other one doesn’t make too much sense. So first off, why was Watari in the sewing room? Perhaps instead of going to the conclusion that she was killed beforehand we could assume that she was knocked out. But since I had previously discussed how it would be very risky to hide in the supply closet with her body (alive or not) if she was knocked out she must’ve been on the 3rd floor after Hama had left. But her going up to the 3rd floor like this would’ve been a really rare coincidence if she was called up or just came up there at that specific time right after Hiroaki left. I’ll get to that in a minute because I feel I have a reason for that. But back on track using this theory we can assume that she was alive in the sewing room right as the fire started and burnt to death/died from the smoke. I can assume that the gasoline was probably set up in a circle so that the fire would’ve completely trapped her. But assuming she was still conscious being in the same room as the killer like that the floor covered in gasoline and them trying to start a fire you would’ve been able to flee. Unless the killer was holding the door shut in which how would they have gotten the fire started with the flint and steel inside the sewing room? I feel as it’s likely the killer probably had knocked her out when she was around that area and placed her down on the floor and set the fire, which explains how she wasn’t able to escape. How she was knocked out was likely with an object of some sort which the killer could’ve just used anything around them in the sewing room and it’s not like we’d be able to tell as everything burnt down. So I feel that’s a good enough explanation for this in particular.

So then this leads me to my next question, was Watari or Hiroaki the intended target for this murder? To start of with Watari, she was the person who was killed in this murder so it seems so, and with the note to Hama saying to meet up in the sewing room after night and then the sudden note saying she was going to her room to kill herself. Aside from that a lot of things fall apart using this logic. First off, the sewing room is absolutely one of the worst places to hold a meeting in or plan a murder because everyone already knows that Hiroaki is in that room, and he has insomnia so it’s not like it’s likely he’s going to be sleeping during nighttime hours. So either way even if the note was legit or a ploy by the killer the sewing room feels way too strange of a location if you’re planning to kill anyone who isn’t Hiroaki.

There’s also assuming how the killer would’ve actively had to wait for Hiroaki to leave to set up the whole murder without knowing when and for how long and especially his run in with Tamba. As that’d would’ve been super risky to do without getting caught and with the short period of time they could’ve done it. Plus with the mystery of why Watari was up in the 3rd floor or moved there without Tamba or Hiroaki noticing beforehand.

So I feel like with a bunch of this stuff it’s most likely that the killer had planned to kill Hiroaki in the sewing room, but something must’ve happened that messed with the plan and they ended up killing Watari instead. This would make sense why they chose to target the sewing room because instead of wanting to kill Watari in there it was to kill Hiroaki, as he was in a spot where it was easy to target him anytime.

So first off lets address the notes. I feel that the first note that was written to Hama supposedly by Watari was by the killer. Once again the sewing room would be a weird place to have a private conversation because of Hiroaki so it feels odd. And knowing Watari if she wanted to talk to him she’d just bash on his door and tell him in person. The killer must’ve known to go to the sewing room so it couldn’t have been written by anyone else. So if they’re targeting Hiroaki why invite Hama up there? I feel as though you can assume that he was supposed to be framed or something like that. But notably enough when Hama went up to the sewing room at that given time only Hiroaki was there and nothing was off. I’m not too sure about this but perhaps this was intentional unless the killer couldn’t kill Hiroaki beforehand. So Hama leaves and after then the killer has their supplies ready and is plotting to attack Hiroaki in the sewing room, set up the fire with the gasoline they had and call it a day. But something unexpected must’ve happened, perhaps their plans were thwarted when Hiroaki had left the sewing room unexpectedly and had gotten into a small fight with Tamba then both of them to run downstairs. Messing up the plan right when they were planning to kill him.

But then why was gasoline placed on the floor anyway and how did Watari end up there? Personally I think it’s likely that Watari had received a note on her own instructing her to come up around that time where coincidentally Hiroaki had left, perhaps like with Hama to frame her as well. And especially using fire in the murder plan with Watari’s history of arson she’d be a prime suspect. Her and Hama both being lured to the same location through similar notes but at different times to influence their actions, like SDR2-2. But after they had gotten Hama to show up for whatever reason Hiroaki had left right as they were planning to kill him and Watari showed up after that. I can imagine the killer didn’t just wan’t to leave things at a failed murder attempt so they quickly knocked her out and switched things up on a dime. They got the gasoline they had hidden in the supply closet and the flint and steel and had set up the fire the same way they were intending to do so with Hiroaki. But there’s a problem. Since Hama had left still looking for Watari he could’ve walked back in on the room and spotted the killer. So the killer quickly sketched out a fake suicide note that would lure Hama away from the sewing room so they’d be able to start the fire. Hama ended up walking in and I can imagine that they had hid somewhere along with the body until he left, which would’ve been easier since the entire school was blanketed in darkness. So then he leaves, the killer sets Watari up in the middle of the room, lights the fire, and lets her burn to death while they escape.

So with the idea that Watari was alive when the fire started and that Hiroaki was the intended victim I think I’ve managed to tie all the loose ends on what happened in the sewing room comfortably. But even though this might’ve been solved, we still have to find our killer. I’ll do a proper rank down of everyone and go over how likely they would’ve been to kill Watari but there are some theories and clues we could have to figuring out who the killer is.

First off there’s the method of starting the fire. I’ve already mentioned how it’s very likely that the jagged piece of metal found was part of a flint and steel but that has me wondering. Who would know how to start a fire like this? Of course there’d be Watari as the Ultimate Fire Dancer she knows how to start fires and said that even after her lighter ran out she still can start fires which she used to light up dark rooms. So Watari could’ve definitely been able to start the fire like that and that’s why I believe she was originally going to be framed. But with the others it’s kinda hard. A flint and steel is a simple way of starting a fire which they would’ve had the tools to just by going to the engineering lab but the killer must’ve been knowledgeable enough to start the fire quickly using it. I don’t believe Watari started it from what I have gathered so it has to have been someone else who knew. We don’t have a good idea of who else it could’ve been but I could imagine that Watari taught Hama and Wada to start a fire like that as she was hanging out with them a lot. I could also imagine that someone could’ve gone up to Watari and asked her how to start a fire and it wouldn’t be too suspicious as since it’s so dark having a way to starts fire to give light would be normal. But assuming the killer did this it could be anyone.

Another important part to this case that I haven’t mentioned but think is noteworthy is the body discovery announcement. After chapter 3 we know that the BDA rules changed from one innocent person discovering the body to set it off to three people discovering the body. But only Hiroaki and Yanagi set off the BDA so with what we know someone else must’ve found Watari’s body beforehand. I feel like it could’ve been Hama. He was running around the school looking for Watari and was notably absent when the fire started up until the point the BDA was set off. Perhaps he was on the 2nd floor or something when the fire was set and ended up finding Watari having burnt to death. The reason he didn’t tell anyone about this and was absent is that since none of the students knew about the new BDA rules he felt as if he told anyone they’d assume he was the killer. Same for anyone else really but Hama’s absence makes me think that it was him.

Another popular theory that I’ve seen going around is that Watari did in fact kill herself. From how I’ve pieced together the case so far I don’t think as it’s too likely especially once again if she were to kill herself why do so in the sewing room? Why do so by burning to death in a slow and painful manner like that? We have seen that Watari’s mental state has been declining a lot in chapter 4 but nothing makes me think too much that she was on the verge of suicide, especially since the last time we saw her around midday she seemed okay enough.

So with all that out of the way I’ll get to my rank down on the students and who I think is most likely to be the killer and then afterwards try to do a closing argument style recap with what I’ve gathered so far.

——

Hiroaki & Yanagi: I’m lumping these two together as I feel they can be cleared off easily. It’s very likely from what we know that Hiroaki was the intended victim and we saw quite a lot of his actions leading up to the BDA. Yanagi is also here as well as Hiroaki was with him in the dining hall complaining about Tamba trying to push him down the stairs when they noticed the smoke. Because they were together it’s safe to say that they have an alibi for those 15 minutes.

Hama: Hama comes off as suspicious at first but the more I thought about it I definitely think he’s involved but not the killer. Going off my theory which I think could be likely we already would know his actions with his encounter with Hiroaki, looking for Watari and perhaps being the first person to set off the BDA.

Tamba: Tamba as well also comes off as a likely killer as the motive with the dark has been affecting her a lot plus she could’ve had the time frame. But her encounter with Hiroaki makes me think otherwise. Why would she have yelled that she wanted to go find Hayashi and ran down the stairs if she were to immediately go back up them and kill Watari. Plus the whole Tamba thing makes sense to why the killer’s plan was messed up.

Ojima: So now onto people who weren’t involved in the sewing room incident. I feel as Ojima is one of the less likely people to have commited it mainly as if the killer sent the note to Hama around midday, we know that during that period of time he was completely spaced out and dissociating for hours as well as Hiroaki was with him, which would’ve made it basically impossible for him to have sent the note and known to go to the sewing room. Ojima was spaced out from morning to the end of the investigation when he almost got crushed by a wall. A lot of people suspect that Ojima may have been faking dissociating but I feel that’s really unlikely and wouldn’t matter anyway because even if he did kill he would’ve still been dissociating from the stress of doing something like that. People have also theorised that he killed while dissociating which is impossible since he barely moves when he’s like that. So I feel from his alibi with Hiroaki midday plus his mental state he most likely didn’t do it.

Hasegawa: Hasegawa was notably acting off in the investigation with how he was so bent on investigation the student profiles plus the basement kitchen instead of the kitchens closer to the source of the fire itself. But this isn’t the first time Hasegawa has acted super suspicious during an investigation. Plus there’s really no evidence against him in this case and he’s already locked himself in his room after being devastated from Kamimura’s death, so I don’t feel he’d have the motivation to kill and escape after all that.

Wada: From all of the evidence I’ve collected Wada is definitely a top suspect. He would’ve had the time to pull something like that off and since he was with Watari quite a lot she could’ve taught him how to start a fire like that. But there are some pieces of evidence that makes me feel Wada couldn’t have done this. First the killer had to have used the supply closet to hide their tools and likely to hang around that area. We already know that Wada has really severe claustrophobia to the point in the past he’s been too afraid to enter supply closets. There’s also how like Wada is super tiny and frail I’m honestly not too sure he’d be able to carry a whole gasoline canister up a flight of stairs like that.

Hayashi: So that leaves us with one person, Hayashi. From the process of elimination she’s the most likely to have set up this whole murder. There’s no concrete evidence that she couldn’t have done it nor had an alibi for any specific time. Her attitude within this investigation also felt quite off, as she was notably more snappy this time compared to all the other times in investigations she’s managed to keep her cool. Although I wouldn’t say behaviour is too much evidence to suspect someone in an investigation, she’s my top suspect because everyone else has reasons why they couldn’t have done it except for Hayashi. If there’s one thing odd about this it’s the motive. Hayashi has shown to be a very strong and bold person and has always been the one up to protect people within the killing game, so why would she kill like this? And especially with the motive being darkness, there wasn’t a time limit like previous motives in this case. It just feels odd for her to snap at this time especially when we’ve seen people like Tamba and Ojima be more affected this time. But in the end just because she wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean she couldn’t, and all the evidence stacks against her in that other regard. One particularly interesting thing is that she ran into the fire when it was noticed claiming to look for the others that weren’t accounted for. This would feel odd if she was the culprit and I understand why. Perhaps she ran up there to hide evidence which is unlikely from what I’ve established might’ve happened. Or she could’ve done this to make herself seem less suspicious, but I’m not sure.

——

So let’s do a quick recap of this case from how I’ve deduced it.

It was midday when the killer first set the ball rolling for what was intended to be at that time, Hiroaki’s murder. Around midday they had sent a note to Hama supposedly addressed from Watari to meet in the sewing room at an hour after the nighttime announcement. Watari also received a letter of her own telling her to meet up at around 15 minutes to half an hour after an hour after the nighttime announcement.

So that time hits and Hama arrives at the sewing room as said by the note, only to find Hiroaki there instead of Watari. They chat for a little while and Hama leaves to go look for her. While this was happening, the killer was hiding in the vicinity with the gasoline canister and flint and steel they had prepared earlier and set in the supply closet. Some time later they were just about to go into the storage room and attack Hiroaki, but something unexpected happened. Hiroaki had left the sewing room to make his way downstairs, bumping into Tamba on the way where she pushed him and Hiroaki only wasn’t injured from grabbing the railing. Both of them ran downstairs and it didn’t look like either were coming back anytime soon.

The killer at this point, was left in a dilemma. Their intended victim had left and they had only a short amount of time before Watari would enter the sewing room. Which they had planned at this point for Hiroaki to already be dead and burning. Instead of just giving up and being found out for their attempted murder the killer changed their plans, and their target.

Watari arrived at the sewing room in which the killer snuck on her and knocked her out. They got the gasoline and the flint and steel and poured the gasoline on the floor. During this time they probably expected Hama to return looking for Watari. In which they quickly forged a quick suicide note saying that Watari was going to kill herself in her room. Eventually Hama entered the sewing room and found the note left by the killer, this was to get him as far away from the crime scene as possible. During this period of time, the killer was probably hiding somewhere in the sewing room with Watari’s unconscious body, with the darkness aiding them in this.

After Hama left the killer got to executing the rest of their new plan. They laid Watari down in the middle, still unconscious, then started the fire with the flint and steel and made a run for it. Watari was quickly engulfed in flames and from being knocked unconscious was not able to escape the fire, and burned to death.

During all this, the fire got so intense in the sewing room that the floor collapsed down into the computer lab, which the body was found and the fire spread to the rest of the 2nd floor. Hama was all around the school looking for Watari at this time and came across the fire, in which he discovered Watari’s body first. He panicked and didn’t know what to do as the alarm didn’t go off and wasn’t present when the others were panicking over the fire.

Hiroaki and Yanagi were the first other people to notice the smoke and see the fire. And soon after Hayashi gathered everyone to deal with the fire. She then proceeded to run upstairs into the fire, Yanagi following behind to make sure she’s ok then Hiroaki following to stop him. During this frenzy, Hiroaki and Yanagi found themselves in the computer lab, witness to Watari’s charred dead body.

So from all I’ve deduced so far it seems that one person is far more likely to have done it than anyone else, and that person is Hayashi Mai, the Ultimate Bounty Hunter!

[ladylaratybur]

AoT Analysis: Why I like the Tyburs as characters

A question I get a lot is why I like the Tyburs so much, especially when Willy was "evil" and Lara had so little screen time. I made a thread on Twitter about why I like them, but not everyone who asked me this has it, so I thought I'd post here too : )

DISCLAIMER 1: Please forgive any weirdness; since this is copied from Twitter there might be errors or wacky formatting. Later I'll probably go over it and polish it up.

DISCLAIMER 2: This is my opinion. If you don't like the characters, you have every right. Just don't hate on folks who don't share your opinions ^_^

Aside from being really well written and interesting to analyze (so many people misinterpret Willy as being straight up evil but he's actually a foil to Eren at the least), I find their vibe and aura extremely powerful and interesting for not being there for very long. I think Willy's dilemma is fascinating to analyze; he's there for only a couple episodes yet is extremely important, and so morally grey that his position and decision is interesting to ponder. Willy is extremely well fleshed out for such a short appearance.

As for Lara, she's my prime example of how amazing a character creator Isayama is. She was there for 3 episodes and had 2 lines, yet her aura and presence were super powerful. Her expressions say so much, and was memorable as a character despite very minimal attention. There is also a lot to her if you read between the lines. Presumably she was raised as a noble child, yet probably fairly sheltered due to her family, and likely at a young age had to give up everything to be the Warhammer heir. She was entirely devoted to her mission, accepting her duty though it meant devoting herself to a life of service and secrecy. She had to endure everything alone, from the change in her life to all the memories and secrets of the Warhammer. Through it all she remained loyal and devoted, with probably only her brother to help her. She is silently strong and silently suffering all for what she thinks of as the highest good. Like her brother she was willing to sacrifice her life for this good (though we don't know how much she knew).

Something else I love about the Tyburs is how devoted to family they are; Willy with his kids, Lara smiling and giving her nieces and nephews treats, and how Lara was clearly grieving (yet strong!) when her brother got chomped.

Part of what's so fascinating about Lara is how mysterious she is and getting to read between the lines. We can clean information about her through his Eren changed after eating her as well as through Willy's character and motivations, but we don't ACTUALLY know anything. She could have been secretly in control of ALL of Marley, or she could have been a timid, manipulated, brainwashed child like the warriors. We don't know but there's reason for both. All we know is Eren seemed darker, silent, resentful after inheriting her titan. She also seemed like she could've been a support for Willy too, based on her reassuring him even after his death, even though she was younger. I choose to think she urged him to take action after the Tybur family's long years as idle rich who let their own race suffer endlessly.

True she could ask be extremely evil and conniving ... And some people who misinterpret the Tyburs believe they're like H17ler or worse some antisemit1c stereotype ... But that's, in my opinion, far from the truth. (Also Willy seems heavily NORSE inspired)

I also think people dislike Willy and Lara because there WAS some mishandling in their writing. While the mystery IS part of what's alluring about them, Eren won in a way he shouldn't have. It felt like plot armor. Lara made a big impression and then died. It felt sloppy.

Aside from that I love Willy and Lara because I really do like their character designs x) I think both of them are beautiful (though again, that's far from the only reason I like them) ... Also Lara is fun AF to cosplay and if I was a man I would cosplay Willy for sure. I also like the very WW1 vibe of the Tyburs and their aesthetic (I need to write an essay someday on why AoT is primarily inspired by ww1 and English history rather than ww2).

Thank y'all for reading and I hope you enjoyed!! <3

(also for a literature class on classical rhetoric, I did a deep dive into Willy's speech and motivations as an essay for my final. I'm still waiting to get it back. I would like to possibly transcribe it into a post since I didn't really address Willy's motives much here. It's very similar to this one except it's about Willy more than Lara.)

[inukag-archive]

do you know any nsfw stories that are set immediately after kagome comes back after the 3 years? It can be a chaptered story or oneshot

Thank you!!!

superpyku asked:

Hello, I love a good post-canon fanfic where it describes what happened when Kagome came back from the well. Doesn't need to be a long fic about their life thereafter but one about what happened during and immediately after their reunion will be good. Would love to know your fav list of such. Thank you

-------------

We love a good reunion fic! The list below is full of stories that take place right as Kagome returns to the Feudal Era and immediately after, split into NSFW and SFW for whatever mood you're looking for. There are a lot of fics like this out there, but we capped ourselves at 20 to keep the list at a reasonable length. Feel free to add your favorites in the reblogs/replies!

If you're looking for more post-canon goodness, you can also check out our other post canon lists:

Post Canon

Post Canon NSFW

Post Canon / Canon Fluff

Happy reading!

[NSFW]

Dearest by @kitramune (M)

After Kagome returns to the Sengoku Era, Inuyasha and she explore how deep their devotion really goes.

--

Linked by Alyxandra (E)

Inuyasha and Kagome experience their first night together three years after the disappearance of Shikon no Tama.

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When She Comes Back by Karaumea (M)

The story of his wait, her return, and their reunion. One-shot lemon that takes place during and after the last chapter of the manga.

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Her Time by @keichanz (M)

All he wanted was some of her time, but as it turned out, so did everybody else. He'd have to make it clear that while they merely borrowed her precious time, he stole and hoarded it for himself, because in the end, she and everything about her belonged to him.

--

The Return by Sweet Inu Girl (M)

Kagome has returned to the feudal era after three years. Finally feelings are revealed and a new life begins for our favorite miko and hanyou.

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Coming Home by @ruddcatha (E)

The day Kagome returned to the Feudal Era, Kagome and Inuyasha came out of their long nightmares. When they are finally alone, confessions are made, feelings are revealed, and a decision is made that impacts the rest of their lives.

--

After the End: New Beginnings by @splendentgoddess (X)

Welcome to my official post-manga universe! This introductory story takes us through Kagome's return to the past, and her developing relationship with Inuyasha. The first installment of what will be my "After The End" series!

--

To Fight For Tomorrow by @sarah-writes-stories (E)

The shard hunt...the battle with Naraku...it was only the beginning.

Their past held a terrible prophecy. Her future, the terrifying result. Kagome had finally been allowed to return through the well...but it wasn't luck that granted her wish.

The red threads of fate had always tied them all together, had always guided them towards each other. Now, as new powers are revealed and souls are healed, their destiny becomes clear.

Theirs is a quest that requires everything they have to give.

Theirs is a battle they cannot afford to lose.

Theirs is a fight to protect tomorrow.

--

Come Back To Me by jyvonne13 (M)

After defeating Naraku, Inuyasha and Kagome were separated for three long years after the well closed. What happens on that fateful day when Inuyasha catches her scent after so long? What do the two of them promise each other and how do their lives change from this point on?

--

With You by Animetey (E)

“Kagome, did you come back to see me... and to be a priestess? Cause I thought...or, I’d hoped... that you came back to be with me.”

Everyone has their own version of what happened the night Kagome returned, this is mine.

--

[SFW]

White Dogs on Blue Cotton by @artistefish (T)

Caught up in the rush following her unexpected return to the past and to the man she loves, Kagome realizes a little late that some of her wardrobe choices aren't quite as private as they used to be. Post-canon, InuKag reunion, super-duper fluffy.

--

Hearts Returned by @mrfeenysmustache (M)

A sweet moment alone after a long day of welcome backs.

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Love Language by @shikonstar (T)

When Kagome returns to the past, a love-starved hanyou is hoping for some words of affirmation.

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One Day With You by @hanmajoerin (G)

After spending three years in the world she grew up in, Kagome is able to return home.

A three years later reunion fic.

--

Inukag Fluff Week 2022 (Chapter 3: Hot Springs) by @inukagbot (T)

inuyasha is a thoughtful, soft little puppy who missed his girlfriend very much so he decides to do something nice for her like the Good Boyfriend he is. confessions ensue.

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Clashing Emotions by PureKagome (K)

Kagome has finally returned after her three year absence. And what is the first thing Inuyasha does? Screw up.

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Stay By My Side by PotatoButt (G)

Kagome finally gets to return to Inuyasha's time after three years.

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A Not So Modern Convenience by doggieearlover (T)

Post Manga Canon. Kagome is worried about InuYasha's happiness while he has the same concerns about her and tries to do something about it.

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Kagome's Got To Go by @ajoy3fanfics (NR)

The way Yuki and Suki saw it, this Kagome woman needed to go.

From the first day she came, they knew she was trouble. They had been playing a perfectly fun game of 'who can annoy uncle the most' (It was always Suki), when he suddenly stood up, passing them off to Shippo with a distant look in his eyes. Uncle was fast, there was no question about that, but unless there was a reason for him to be on high alert, he was downright lethargic. Still, Uncle Inuyasha needing space wasn't anything new, so it wasn't terribly worrisome that he took off at high speed; It did, however, raise a few red flags when Shippo shook them off and headed in the dog demons direction, screaming "it's her! She's back!"

--

Snapshots of Life After the End by ananova (T)

A collection of post-canon after the anime and manga end interconnected drabbles that show bits of Inuyasha and Kagome's life together. Not posted in any particular order.

--

Feel free to add your own recs in the comments or reblogs! Check our Masterlist of previous lists to see which topics we've covered.  After reviewing our submission guidelines, send us an ask (here).

[jackrabbit-fandom]

Hello, hello, hello

I have seen your post about Cyno being autistic and I agree since you can literally see it in the game.

Truly hope someone doesn't come after you with bad intentions because I might just have to thoroughly shut them down in a very ✨️friendly✨️ way.

Anyway, I noticed that you have also added that you'd be interested in writing HC for the two, so... May I request one of Alhaitham? I would be very grateful.

Have a lovely day

YOU DONT HAVE TO ACT AO FORMAL I KNOW YOU-

Anyway

For the most part, you know my al headcanons, but let's make some more hm? Hope you guys enjoy it!

No warnings, really just cute junk and alhaitham being alhaitham. Mabye a lil ooc. Plus spelling and grammar cause I suck at that

As i said before, I see alhaitham as autistic, so we'll be adding that a bit here

Alhaitham isn't super touchy. He can get a bit overwhelmed if he's touched too much. However, I do see him being a bit more willing with his partner, though PDA likely would be off the table.

Handholding would be fine for him if it makes you feel better, though not for very long, so I recommend pinky holding instead!

Look, it's cute as hell and isn't constantly squeezing his hand, so it works.

Or you could hold the back of his coat of even that is to much contact for him

Speaking of such things, alhaitham is likely someone who can hide when he's overstimulated VERY well, so you'll have to be able to read him very well to know when he's uncomfortable, as if he wouldn't just bluntly tell you to let go ether way.

A few tells would mainly be a slight change in his expression, from his more relaxed one to a more annoyed one, a twitch of his eyebrow or the corner of his mouth.

He'd get more fidgety, ether messing with his headphones, adjusting his clothes to much, ect.

In the game, we can see that he is a kind person, but also very blunt and doesn't feel any fear in telling people what he thinks. So don't get too upset if he so bluntly tells you your affection is a bit too much.

He may not be a very affectionate man but he still shows his affections in his own way, weather that be: allowing you to read his prized books, reading to you himself, letting you lean on him, teaching you bits of knowledge he has, ect. His affection more comes out in these simple actions.

He's fairly knowledgeable on quite a few topics, so if you ask him questions about them, he'd be happy to answer them even if his expressions seem more 'annoyed' then happy.

If he doesn't know an awnser, he'll tell you so, but be sure to research the topic later so he can answer said question.

This is how he shows his love lol.

His love language is more-so quality time/ parallel play in which you're each doing your own thing nearby

On a more general alhaitham note, he mainly gets overstimulated by too much or too loud noise, which he uses his headphones to cancel out.

He likely would know sign, for moments where he ether deafened his headphones or just decides not to speak. This just helps him keep himself from that overstimulation.

He also stims in more subtle was, fidgeting with a loose thread on his clothes, tapping his fingers together, messing with a loose strand of hair (his or yours depending on how close your relationship is and how long your hair is) or just tapping his foot.

He can handle confrontation easily on his own, so no need to worry when someone bothers him about his habits sense hell eeasily shut them down with no problem.

I see him as getting more frustrated if anyone attempts to talk over him or baby him. He is a grown man. Doing these things is more likely to annoy him than make him feel relieved.

This doesn't mean he hates you defending him completely. He'd just rather not be treated like a child or as if he can't speak for himself.

Alhaitham wouldn't be a bad partner. Honestly, he's attentive and very loyal. You'd just have to be able to handle his lack of touchyness and just overall blunt attitude.

That's all I've got for now, I'm writing this like 10 minutes before work, lol. Anyway, I hope you liked it! Might attempt a fic at some point with him being overstimulated and using my own experiences for that. Bye bye!

[longlostlorian]

Today I made a great big thread over on bluesky listing all my projects for new followers, so I thought I'd summarize it here too as a primer for anyone who maybe doesn't know I have, like, a lot of little guys. Hi! I'm a transmasc artist & writer who's been making my queer art for a long time and now kinda do it for my job? I would be super honored if you gave anything that interested you a look! Support your local idiot bird with your eyeballs!!

The Otherknown is a longrunning science fiction webcomic about a girl and her aunt who go back in time and try to prevent a dangerous discovery from falling into the hands of an interstellar crime syndicate — while their fates intertwine with that of a man who works for the organization. Currently on hiatus but I go back to it when I can! Hosted with Hiveworks.

Maelstrom: A Prince of Evil is a fantasy YA graphic novel about a bored half-demon prince who teams up with his fated archnemesis to take down his mother and secure an epic destiny for himself! Enemies to instant best friends to ?? (plus, doomed lesbians) Link is to bookshop affiliate but you can also check your local library or favorite store where books are sold!!

For a Horse and Horseman is a m/m mature fantasy romance webnovel about two princes dealing with a dynastic succession war, a dangerous plot involving magical creatures, and protecting their blooming relationship while keeping unfortunate secrets. And there's horsies :) The first book is done and the second is being posted over on tapas every (horse)monday! There's gonna be illustrated versions soon that I am really excited to share. Get your humorous (yet dramatic) failboy content here

Fall Until Summer (title subject to change, again, because I am fickle) is a high school story of a bi-ace boy overcoming trauma and navigating a new, experimental relationship with a male friend during the final year before said friend goes overseas to college. A story that's heavy on the identity and friendship side. Uses characters from my first webcomic as a teenager. Updates (some) Thursdays

And on the side, I'm also drawing some (soon to be) smutty merman adventures (link is a sfw preview). More on that I guess!!

if you read this far THANK YOU, go in peace now 8) (or read something and tell me if you liked it!!)

[swallowtailed]

palisade 62 / finalisade side b track 6

on palisade!

one thing about fatt, they can stick a landing. more specifically austin and jack by their powers combined can stick a fucking landing. tbh let me talk about the outro first, actually:

stunning final track. loved hearing it morph from the palisade theme into other tunes.

a joy to hear from parti one last time!! probably my favorite npc of this season.

and to lift back out into the frame of perfect imperfect as hosted by layer luxurious (broadcasting from the planet of palisade, which is a lovely touch)—it’s my audio drama past coming out, but i do so love a diegetic radio show. we were promised that we would hear the end of the perfect millennium! and we did! satisfying.

i wasn’t sold on the plot of this sortie, but janine brought it home—has been bringing it home all arc. her work in this finale has been really, really cool. super solid science fiction. going from questlandia back into armor astir felt like an odd zigzag—much like dipping into and back out of the mirage—but the thread of blossoming sentiences was very strong.

(would like to take time to dig into the thematic structure of this season, now that it's over, but for now i am just pointing at it)

god, just knowing that brnine survived, and continued the fight… that's a win. closing on them bantering with thisbe was, i agree, the perfect final image.

brnine’s gravity clock changing to “thisbe is an important part of my life”... thisbe saying they’re a good captain and asking to watch a movie, and brnine immediately teasing her… they’re friends ;-;

also—season about grief—it was jokes, but thisbe saying “i was stating a fact, i wasn’t mourning” and brnine replying “sounded like mourning to me”, and ending palisade on that exchange… a good note of closure on that theme, i felt.

there’s been a lot of excellent character work this season—brnine, thisbe, cori, figure, jesset, and august all stand out to me. i’m trying not to make this post too long but man. genuinely incredible stuff.

perennial blooming again with thisbe’s gift of the pollen was really lovely. as was all the imagery in that scene

thisbe throwing sixes to speak with perennial was so Dice Game. one last little bit of serendipity for the road.

also thisbe being integrated with various different ways of being is very “it’s not a field it’s a garden” to me

i am looking forward to seeing how they treat this new phase of the divine cycle, because a transformation like that of the divine arbor would be devastating to a lot of lifeways & ecologies. it is far from the only time this has happened in the divine cycle! but it’s a great chance to concretize that. kudzu and other invasive species were raised in a previous ep; i’m also reminded of area x from jeff vandermeer’s annihilation. what i would like to see: a focus on new social forms, cf scavengers reign. fatt typically does not dig into ecologies, land relationships, etc, but perhaps they will look more in that direction in the divine arbor’s new world? who knows. either way i’m gonna be sitting here talking about ecological readings because unfortunately i do think it’s important and relevant lmao. (while i’m talking on the season scale, this is something i really want to see in sangfielle as well. which is a setting that even more deserves some time spent on the land.)

cori’s scene with elle was great. her storyline this season has been so fun—losing none of the bravado, but coming more into herself. i thought she was gonna give elle some of her blood but a ritual knife is probably a better gift.

can’t wait to see where they’re at next divine cycle season!!

“if only you could get five more minutes” made me laugh

glad that levi made it out! starcrossed is a wild name for a team led by a guy who kicked off his career by defeating the fear of death—kinda thumbing his nose at fate—but it seems like he’s pulling it off so far.

can local plant-based organizing be a viable alternative to galactic capitalism? i sure fuckin hope so!!

leap vanishing with present would have been extremely space opera

perennial blue ribbon…

i did overall really enjoy this season. i think it’s their best yet, for character work and executing on big ideas. a sharper take on twilight mirage. it’s dense but it has momentum. they really do get better every season imo... like my season ranking does kinda just go directly up in chronological order

god. palisade.

stay tuned~

(also, while we’re here, thanks for reading! this is something like the sixtieth of these weekly palisade ep posts, which is wild. it’s been a weird year and a half, personally—a lot of time in motion—but tuning into palisade every week and then thinking and discussing together has been really fun. so shoutouts!)

[mieczy-stiles]

The thing about Luca is that. And I say this as a writer, I suppose, but also as a queer person, that he exudes a certain feeling of safety, and comfort. Like, to have him play something will mean he's going to give you his everything. No matter the character, you'll see a sincerity that isn't just the product of the script, or the demand of it, but also the mind of the actor.

To know that a person of his calibre is out there playing queer characters so effortlessly, and without a doubt in their mind, without any prejudice blinding his artistic choices and who he is as a person, it's obviously a ray of hope, but it is also, then, a kind of trust, even if it is just parasocial in many ways.

I know if it's Luca playing a certain queer character - regardless of what happens to them in the script, that is if the script is stupid and insincere to the queer perspective in certain ways - I'd still easily trust him to do justice to the queer experience, for how sincerely he plays everything.

The whole every-character-of-his having a underlying homoerotic quality to them is all fun and cool and great and beautiful, but also, it's so fucking refreshing

It's been decades of asking for the correct representation in media, it's been years and years of queerbaiting and, if not that, just general lack of care

I've been accustomed to just wanting some of my favourite characters to be gay. Just thinking and wishing and hoping that someone someday will let them reach the full scope of their personality, let them have the right sort of ending, see first the fabric of their person, and not just the thread of their sexuality, and maybe then write the script. There have been all sorts of emotions, and so to find now a person who is doing just that? It's pure beauty.

For a while now it's been changing, more and more shows and films are becoming inclusive and accepting and understanding of the queer gaze, and it's so beautiful that Luca contributes to it with his whole heart, and has been for a long while.

Many must remember how it used to get with artists and makers always denying or trying to tip toe around the obvious queerbait, or shying away from the conversations that involved that queer perspective, or outright rejecting the very idea- it happens still - but then you see the likes of Luca and Marwan being comfortable in each other's company and also about the love they shared on screen (especially, i think, it begs to say, with them being men), talking happily about their characters, making playlists for them, recommending poems for them

A lot many actors now are open to these conversations, a lot of them now talk about it with nuance and care, with just the right words, and though it's in no way any less a contribution to the conversation, or any less genuine, but again, there is something to be said about the ease Luca shows.

Again, as I said before.. it feels safe, with him.

In a lot of his interviews, he doesn't bat an eye before saying things like - I was lucky to have him as my husband. And he means it, you can tell that by the smile on his face. When people are focusing on the movies' objective and the friendships in it, he easily goes and says it's not only the friendship, but also the love.

In another of his interviews, there was once this question about Roberta, about if he knew what was demanded from him and how he prepared for a transsexual character. I remember it because I was almost sure I'll be hearing some generic answer like I studied trans people for this role and this that blah blah, something ignorant, basically. I was braced for it. But he just said. (And he was talking in english, and all that he was trying to say was conveyed more through his face and gestures, it was super cute actually) - I read the script, and I just felt something. I didn't think about playing a transsexual, but a woman, with a friend. It was important for me to show the love she had for him. So. I just played a woman helping out a friend :)

And I was like ?? wait that's? That's all? You're not going to go deep into the character's psyche and the great moral upstanding you must be feeling for doing a role like this? You're not going to talk about how you "prepared" for this role or how it was "different" for you?

I was so used to people doing that, his simple answer took me by surprise.

and that's what's so refreshing, so comforting.

There's no hesitation in him, no prejudice or preconceived notions or activism, even, compelling his choices and words.

It's just him, plain and simple.

He's committed to his art in a way that people rarely are. Especially in media, where even big companies and huge hollywood stars often fail you.

I wish more people in this world were like him. So gently open in his ways, so effortless in his understanding and acceptance that it becomes intrinsic to him.

He's one of the few people, I would say, who are an artist not just by work, but also by nature.

[chronurgy]

Fic Writing Review 2024

tagged by the wonderful @defira85 (thank you very much!)

I'm not tagging anyone since I'm several months late, but please feel free to participate if you'd like to!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some qualitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either. Artists and gif makers, please also join in with any quantitative or qualitative stats or facts you want to share about your year.

Now merlin, I can hear you all saying, it's March. I know. I'm terrible at getting things done on a schedule, so here goes my 2024 fic review!

Words and Fics (ao3 link here)

Fics: 14

Words: 43,501

Top Three Relationships

Dark urge/Enver Gortash

Isobel Thorm & Ketheric Thorm

Enver Gortash/Franc Peartree

Top 5 by Comments (comment threads)

Möbius Strips and Other Such Eternities (40)

Would You Give the Devil This Dance? (Would You be a Part of His Plans?) (18)

They Who Seek to Deceive (8)

Tasting Notes: Franc Peartree (Full-bodied White) (6)

Child of Ill-Omen (6)

Top 5 by Kudos

Möbius Strips and Other Such Eternities (104)

They Who Seek to Deceive (80)

Would You Give the Devil This Dance? (Would You be a Part of His Plans?) (72)

Tasting Notes: Franc Peartree (Full-bodied White) (34)

Such Blood We Spill and Share (28)

Top 5 by Hits

Möbius Strips and Other Such Eternities (1,442)

They Who Seek to Deceive (766)

Would You Give the Devil This Dance? (Would You be a Part of His Plans?) (584)

Such Blood We Spill and Share (277)

Tasting Notes: Franc Peartree (Full-bodied White) (170)

Möbius Strips really is the outlier in every category, which kinda surprised me! I assumed all of two people would find it interesting, let alone read it, but I'm glad it found its audience. Tasting Notes is also surprisingly popular, given its absolutely unhinged style and very niche subject matter.

Fandom Events in 2024

I participated in Gortash Week last year! I had a lot of fun and the prompts were excellent. I originally tried to write out something super long and well planned for each day, but I ended up writing most of my pieces for the week that day or maybe a day or two before and that was a good experience for me! Writing last minute really forced me to narrow down my focus in each piece and run with wherever I felt the idea taking me. I had originally posted all of my entries on tumblr, but was convinced to move them to ao3 as well and I'm definitely glad for that! I've had people discover them for the first time or let me know that they read it once on tumblr and have been happy to find it again! Overall, a great event.

Writing Reflection

2024 was a big year for me, writing-wise. I wrote a lot! Bg3 really helped me get back into not only writing for fun, but being willing share that writing. I was even able to write a couple of things in more or less one go, and then just post them. And people even liked them! I tried a few new forms this year, specifically in Möbius Strips which is entirely epistolary. Sharpened Splinters of Actuality and A Certain Quality of Character were both written entirely in dialogue, which was a big change for me, person who loves writing 8k words and three lines of dialoge (and yes, laugh it up, it's very in character of me to have enjoyed writing political demagoguery). Tasting Notes was written in second person, which was a pov I'd never tried before and was, honestly, kinda scared of. But I'm very happy with how that particular piece turned out! Speaking of povs, I also tried my hand at writing from wyll and lae'zel's povs last year. Lae'zel was an interesting challenge because her perspective is so alien to the world of faerun, so figuring out what she would and would not know and how she would conceptualize what she was seeing was a fun challenge (for example, I had to remove a reference to bhaal coming across like a patriarch in Such Blood We Spill and Share because that isn't how githyanki society is organized, she instead compares him to a queen looking down on her subjects, iirc). Wyll was also a pov I struggled with writing because so much of his pov, at the moment I was writing it, was defined by struggle and contradiction and missing information, and having that all come through is hard! I was worried people would get upset with his characterization but it ended up all working out, which I'm very glad about. Would You Give the Devil This Dance is also the fic I have the clearest, semi-direct sequel idea that I hope to write someday - to go back to wyll's pov after they've rescued his father from the iron throne and have moved on to exploring the steel watch factory. We've seen the many tensions escalating - now let's see them snap. I also have to be honest that I don't know if I'll have another year as good as 2024 for a long time. 2025 is definitely shaping up to be a far sparser year already. But we'll see how it goes!

[sunsetcurve]

Can I ask you what do you think of all The Thundermans seasons? About Phoebe and Max's character development, especially. Because I think that season 2 feels overall weaker than the others, but still managed to make us know the characters better! Like, I still rewatch Change of Art, It's not what you link, Cheer and Present Danger and believe that it's so heartwarming to know the twins' hobbies and interests, especially without all the villain phase-stuff being involved, when talking about Max.

hi anon!! yes, absolutely, thanks for the ask! sorry this got so long-winded, i meant to just jot down a few things but i literally love talking about this show so much so once i get going i can’t stop. i wish i could like rank the seasons or something, but they’re all so good in their own ways that it’s so hard to pick. but here are my thoughts + my favorite and least favorite eps from each!

season 1: ohhh season one. baby phoebe and max. thundermans family introduction. i love this season so much. i honestly think it’s the perfect set up for the whole series; like right off the bat within the first couple of episodes, you learn so much about phoebe and max and what drives them—the pilot is great, and phoebe vs. max is obviously like, required reading for the thundertwins. season 2 and 3 both spend most of their time pitting the twins against each other, but a lot of this season is about making them work together to solve their problems. there’s a lot of “we fight but we still love each other/have each other’s backs,” and the family dynamics overall are especially strong, which definitely makes this show what it is. the cast is still really young and everyone is kind of finding their footing, so production wise i think it’s a bit weaker and often a little more corny, but it makes up for it by having a lot of genuinely heartwarming beats. favorite episodes are report card, ditch day, and paging dr. thunderman. i don’t know if there are any episodes i actually dislike this season, but ones that don’t particularly stand out to me are restaurant crashers and breaking dad.

season 2: i definitely agree with you that this is the weakest season as a whole; i think there’s kind of a tone shift this season towards slightly more slapstick/“random” humor which i like less, and there’s also a narrative shift away from the twins mostly solving problems together to max creating the majority of the conflicts for phoebe to resolve—i’ve said before that i kind of see it as like, s1 is focused on their development together, s2 is focused on phoebe’s growth, s3 is focused on max’s, and s4 has them coming together again. overall this season has a lot of my least favorite episodes, but on the flip side it also has a lot of reallyyy strong standouts: i’m also a big fan of cheer and present danger, the haunted thundermans is probably in my top 5 episodes total just because of the max portrayal, and call of lunch duty and the girl with the dragon snafu are more thundertwins required reading to me. there’s definitely less heartwarming and character development stuff on the whole, but i’m with you that it’s really cool to have them kind of build out phoebe and max’s lives outside of the family/superheroing, especially with link and cherry and max’s band and stuff. favorite episodes are the aforementioned, with probably an honorable mention to a hero is born. least favorite episodes are probably doubles trouble and blue detective, but there’s a lot in this season that i rarely rewatch.

season 3: season three, baby!! phoebe and max are still super at odds, but i think this season does a better job than s2 at putting them on more equal narrative footing. obviously most of this season is building up to the culmination of max’s villain arc which i love, and since i will always love episodic-with-greater-overarching-season-thread-style i’m a big fan of the dark mayhem stuff happening throughout. i also like that they get back to original max characterization this season, where he still frequently fucks up but now ends the episodes making amends for it, and i also really like the way they kind of develop phoebe as max’s conscience. there’s also more good family moments overall: like in stealing home you get some more insight into the parental dynamics with them, and doppel-gamers highlights them as older siblings, and aunt misbehavin’ is so good for sibling parallels. also chloe is here now and she is adorable. s3 also gets bonus points for max and allison, they are everything to me. overall i love this season; i’m still not sure i can pick a favorite, but i probably rewatch it the most. favorite episodes are date expectations, exit stage theft, and of course secret revealed. least favorite episodes are chutes and splatters and no country for old mentors.

season 4: last but definitely not least. i love the thundermans because it feels like the show progresses very naturally in terms of stakes and tone along with the characters, and s4 is where that really shines. phoebe and max are working together again, they have the end goal of the z-force, and this season has a lot of big moments for everyone. it all feels very full-circle. i love that phoebe and max are back on the same side of the conflicts, i love all the plots with their friend groups, i love that they still have fights and have their differences highlighted but in ways that make sense for both of them: episodes like smells like team spirit, looperheroes, and come what mayhem do a really great job of that. the thunder in paradise special is also one of my favorite episodes of the whole show, i love evil!phoebe and everything about that arc, especially the thundertwins dynamic, it’s just so good and one of the high points of the series imo. and then the finale of course is everything. i think it’s really hard to nail a final season, but the thundermans does it so well. favorite episodes are orange is the new max, thunder in paradise, and the thunder games. least favorites are 21 dump street and super dupers.

and that’s all!! thanks again for the ask and literally feel free to come talk to me about this show whenever, obviously i have thoughts and feelings about it all the time and loveeee hearing other peoples’ as well <3

[truly-sincerely]

Okay so I've seen some of your posts about an Alex Rider timeline of Snakehead I dont know what's happening but i gotta ask cause that's so cool and I'm really intrigued. What's up with the timeline? Are you doing it based on books alone? (Or separate one for books and for show) Are there any rules to what info you take into consideration and what not? What about different editions of books? Is it possible that they're so changed/edited that some lore is different from the original British version? And also are you looking through the editions that came out the earliest or the later ones? Its all so interesting

I salute you to your bravery of diving into this shitshow of contradicting statements and lore o7

So far I've done a show timeline for season 1 and season 3 and a quickie for John and Ian Rider. I didn't do season 2 because there's a diegetic clock that plays for 3/4ths of the season so it felt redundant.

I also did a Complete Yassassination Count which covers both show and book versions of Yassen's kills and is kind of like a timeline.

I'm working on a book timeline. For editions, all of my books were bought second-hand so I couldn't really be super picky about the versions. I think they're all the American versions (some of them are first printings of the American editions) except Scorpia, which it turns out is an early UK edition. My partner in Alex Rider crime, @akilah12902, has been collecting UK editions and they've been documenting differences between the two versions, so I'm taking those things into account when I work things out.

Neither of us has got the original Skeleton Key with the different CIA agents, yet, but I'd love if we could get our hands on one, because Skeleton Key is definitely where almost all of the timeline buggery is. There's also some major weirdness with the beginning of Scorpia changing between editions. Beyond that, most of the other changes have been extremely half-assed attempts at tech updates (swapping out gameboys for DSs and such).

Speaking of things I'd love to get my hands on: If anybody's got the Snakehead Coda chapter they could send my way I would be so, so grateful. I got it, thanks :3c

But back to how I'm doing the timeline: Right from the start I had a problem because Alex Rider's birthday is Feb 13th, 1987 which means he's 14 in 2001 but April 1st is a Sunday in 2001 and that doesn't make sense in the context of the book. So I'm basing my calendar on 2002, where April 1st is on a Monday.

And it has only got more batshit from there. Horowitz drops holidays and events into a lot of the books. He denotes rough passages of time with "two weeks later" but often hedges it with vague language. He references school terms and breaks/half-terms fairly frequently. He occasionally drops days of the week. He has also mentioned specific dates (like April 1st and May Day) a couple of times.

I decided to prioritize real world dates and events (Wimbledon, the Venice Film Festival, etc) over school terms. As implied above, Skeleton Key was a huge problem because it took place during Summer break until the last three pages of the book when suddenly it was set during Summer school term (which is before Summer break). Exasperating, to say the least.

I'm not doing a timeline for any of the backstory stuff, because that's where 90% of the non-Skeleton Key problems are.

I'm up to about halfway thru Scorpia. I don't want to read Ark Angel but I might do it anyway so I can include Snakehead because for the first time in the series there's overlap where stuff that happens in Snakehead happens during Ark Angel and I love overlap.

And now, the reason why all of this is taking so long? Because my main project at the moment is a screenplay adaptation of Snakehead in the style of the show.

They did an amazing job closing out the show in a way that felt satisfying but they also left several dangling plot threads and themes, presumably in case they hadn't been cancelled and I wanna see if I've got what it takes to pick up those threads and bring them home.

So it's show continuity, with all of the show characters, continuing about six months after where the show left off. It's 8 episodes long and hopefully about 45 pages per episode, which means it's going to be 360 pages long by the time I finish it. As of writing this, I've got about half each of the first four episodes written. I'm still learning how to write action scenes in screenplay format (I usually write for comics).

It's extremely challenging and very big. I'm simultaneously dying and having a lot of fun. I adore all of these characters. Anyway, here's a snippet from episode 3.

KYRA: Alex, what the hell? “Ran into some friends. Meet for lunch. Find my phone.” You need to delete that app. It is a huge security risk. YASSEN: Your friend is correct. KYRA: Oh. Shit. ALEX: Yassen. Tom and Kyra. Tom and Kyra. Yassen. KYRA: We are feeding Scorpia agents now? TOM: (sotto voce) Is this a hostage situation? Does he have a gun under the table? YASSEN: (both hands visible)  ALEX: No! Guys, c’mon. Let me explain. KYRA: Alex, can I speak to you outside? (stands up) Now?  ALEX: (to Yassen) We’ll be right back.  EXT. RESTAURANT TOM: He's definitely going to pull a Batman. There's no way he's still in there when we go back inside.  KYRA: Why is it whenever you are lying to us it's about that guy?  ALEX: I'm not - That's not what's happening! He just showed up.  KYRA: He just showed up? In Bangkok? In Thailand? ALEX: Yes. It’s happened before.  TOM: In Cornwall. ALEX: And I want to ask him to work with us. That's why I’m trying to introduce you to him.  KYRA: To introduce us? Last time we saw you two together he had just shot a man in the head. He made you believe you were a killer. TOM: You were really freaked out, mate. ALEX: I know. I know. Look... He's trying.  KYRA: He's trying? What does that mean? Trying to do what?

[assassiowl]

Emotive landscape (Dec 14th 2024).

This post is about looking back at your older work and seeing how you look at it differently now. Pictures beyond the read more are older and contain spoilers for Outer Wilds.

There's also an eclectic collection of characters from different fandoms and I talk about how these pieces played a role in my growth. They're older pieces by now, but if you're interested in my reflections then read on.

I've been looking back at some of my pieces from even as little as a week ago and noticing just how much I've changed in my approach.

The colours, the perspectives, dynamics, anatomy, linework, just everything, these were all pieces that I was really proud of when I made them and being so excited to share them.

When I look at them now I can't help but feel a little saddened, I remember them being a lot 'better' at the time of creation. I'm not going to be super harsh on myself, I was still learning the tools, and taking on board a lot of new concepts and not being afraid to just try them.

This is more of an acknowledgement that some pieces in the long run end up being just that, you don't know how they're going to turn out until you try it, but maybe you learned something along they way.

I think these pieces convey the emotions that I wanted to, they're technically clunky, but they were my lines, I did that, and I've learned a lot since then, I'd tackle them each so different now. But I wouldn't have been able to get where I am now unless I went through those clunky steps. Stumbling around the program and just guessing colours.

I remember making these, they each represented such a jump in skill.

If I keep stepping back, I can see this common thread of attempts at emotive character studies, janky foreshortened hands and a consistent misunderstanding of light on clothing haha, I suppose that much still hasn't changed.

But I remember after each piece I'd step back and say, "Dang I think this is my best one yet", but that was definite by virtue of feeling like I had learned something, ready to take forward into the next piece, be it, how to use the tool better, or a little more about colours or lighting.

I think that growth mindset came from making all those sprites, I think as an artist being able to stop and say something is good enough for now is key, getting sucked into an endless "it has to look good" spiral is just going to demotivate.

The thing is I think being curious enough to learn more and to be genuinely reflective enough to acknowledge what your strengths while also being able to identify what challenges or areas to tackle next is the key to growing.

Stopping to beat yourself up about things you don't know that you don't know yet is going to make you want to quit. The common thread I've been running off is: "This looks weird, why is that?" then trying things until I found out the reason. I had janky colours, then I realised I have janky lighting, then it's janky anatomy, composition, backgrounds which don't interact with the figure.

The ball builds off the last and you take what you learned from the last piece, build on it, try something different and see what changed.

This piece on Phos is when I started digital again, there's a lot of issues, but I think even from the jump I was trying some wild stuff, even if I was spending more time wrestling with the tools.

I guess this curiosity got me to where I am now, I think it's nice to stop and reflect on where you came from from time to time, just to see how far you've come, it's an important reminder for those days where things feel like you've just forgotten everything, and can't get anything down, it's your mind telling you you're improving and that your expectations of yourself are rising again.

Sit back and remember not everything has to be a milestone magnum opus cornerstone representation of improvement. Breathe a bit, you're probably doing a lot better than you're giving yourself credit for.

Anyway, I learned a lot from making these pieces, I look at them now and think I could probably revisit these at some point, but there's still so much I want to learn and try before I do that, who knows. In the mean time I'll keep trying things, and when I've shifted my style and learned a bunch of things along the way, I'll remember how impressed I was with myself when I made these.

[seenoversundown]

Sparrow Of The Dawn : Chapter Seven

Sam x Willa (Fem OC)

Warnings: Anxiety (Normal and Flying related) Mentions of Plane Crashes (all in panicked thoughts) Lost Luggage (it can be a rough time for some people) Angry Sam (if you squint) , and Fluff (but like..if you get Sam Feels, you chose this)

Word Count: 7.1k

Summary: Sam unfortunately finds himself in not so meet cute with Willa. Hopeful that he doesn't cross her path again; the world works in mysterious ways and not always in your favor.

Author's Note: I hope you're ready 🤭

Stuck In the Middle With You - Stealers Wheel "Well, I don't know why I came here tonight, I got the feeling that something aint right, I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair, And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs."

“Alright, repeat after me.” Quinn says after placing their car in park. They turn to me, hands extended as they explain. “No annoying man is worth your shot at this job.” 

“No annoying man is worth my shot at this job.” I repeat, also turning to face them for the pep talk they're giving me. 

“Good. Just.. don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do out of state. Most things I wouldn't do out of state are felonies, there’s a lot of red tape with crossing state lines.. so, assault is off the table.” Their nonchalant attitude about committing crimes will always make me laugh. The thing is, Quinn doesn’t look like the type of person who would commit a crime, but also definitely looks like the type of person who would commit a crime. I don’t put anything past them because I’m sure whatever they’ve done if they’ve done it, they’ve one hundred percent gotten away with it. 

“Assault is off the table.” 

“Right. My knitting needles are still available if they’re needed when you’re HOME.” a definite emphasis on home.

I take a deep breath, centering myself for the morning, trip, and week ahead. Oh, it’s going to be a long one.

“You got this, don’t you stress that pretty little head. Just text me if you’re feeling particularly violent.” 

“Okay, okay. You’re right.” I pull them in for a hug. “I got this.” Once again repeating their words back to myself. 

I hop out of their car and tug my definitely overpacked luggage from the back seat. 

“I’ll text you when I land, okay?” I call back to them and shut the door, and turn toward the entrance to the airport.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

After I checked my luggage, I went searching for the gate. I find a seat, sit down, and wait. Albeit very early, but you can never be too sure with flights. It could be busy, or they could have changed the gate; there are too many variables to things going wrong. I decided to send Sam a text to gauge when to expect him while I sit here. 

Willa: What’s your ETA?

I try to keep it simple enough, but as the minutes tick by I start to get more anxious. Why are men so terrible at texting? I wait another few minutes and text him again.

Willa: Are you on your way?

Could I be any more like an annoying girlfriend? God. Ew, don’t think about Sam and Girlfriend in the same sentence. 

I check my phone for what feels like the millionth time this morning. Where the hell is he? Scrolling through my apps trying to distract myself to no avail. I close out and open my text thread with Sam, which only consists of me texting him. He still hasn’t answered my last one, and his read receipts aren’t on so I don’t know if he’s ignoring me or just hasn’t bothered to look at his phone. Which, why would he not check his phone? We’re seated together, we’re flying together; why would he not bother to communicate with me? Unless..

No. 

No way? 

He wouldn’t bail, would he? 

I mean, I don’t exactly know him super well but.. He wouldn’t.

Right?

My heart starts to race in my chest as I begin to panic. I stand up and look around, trying to see if I can spot him through the crowd of people walking down the hallway. I stand on my tiptoes, trying to gain the tiniest bit more field of view when I see him. Casually walking down the aisle, breakfast sandwich in hand, headphones on, paying nobody any mind. 

I seethe.

He smiles at me when he catches my eye. I swear it takes an age for him to finally meet me with how slow he’s walking. Like he has all the time in the world.

“Morning, Birdie.” He says cheerfully, taking another bite of his sandwich. It astounds me how little regard he has for other people. Just living life flying by the seat of his pants, not worrying about the time or anyone else involved. Especially not if that anyone is me. 

“Where the hell have you been, Sam? We board in–” I double-check the time. “Ten minutes!” I say exasperatedly. 

“I know.” He looks confused. How could he be confused about this? The email stated explicitly boarding begins at 5:50am. Oh, it's too early in the morning for me to be dealing with this. “That’s why I’m here? Why on earth are you irritated before 6 in the morning?” 

“Why do you always show up at the last minute?” I snap back.

“I’m still early, they haven’t started boarding yet. Jesus, calm down, okay. It’s gonna be fine.” He takes the last bite of his sandwich and throws the wrapper in the nearby trash, wiping his hands on the front of his gray sweatpants. God, his gray sweatpants. I shake my head of the thought, remembering I’m angry at him and refusing to let the thought of his ass in tight tapered gray sweatpants distract me.

Oh, I could hit him, I am that mad. Get it together. You will not let this man ruin this experience for you just because he wants to be a bonehead first thing in the morning. What was it that Quinn said again?

I take a long breath in, hold it–

“He’s not worth my job. No across-state line crimes. Assault is off the table. Knitting needles in case of emergency.”

– and release. 

I choose silence instead of violence. 

The attendant comes over the speaker and starts announcing boarding schedules. We have pre-selected seats and are, thankfully, sitting on the side with only two. We at least won’t have to deal with any strangers for this leg; PMW is a small airport, so of course, we have a layover to get to the West Coast. I hope I can convince Sam to let me have the window seat. Naturally, we’re one of the last groups to board. I’m just happy I checked my suitcase and just brought my backpack for the flights so I don’t have to worry about the overhead bins. Can’t say the same for Sam though, as he stands next to me with his backpack on and duffle bag gripped in his hand. 

When our group gets called, Sam heads over first; I sort of just cower behind him like a small child. Annoyingly latching onto the back of his cream-colored henley. We take awkward baby steps through the aisle as people file into their seats. I give Sam a gentle reminder of our seat numbers, 11A, and B, in front of the wings where it's quieter but not the emergency exit.

He pops the overhead compartment open and shoves his duffle bag inside then he slides in, right to the window seat.

“Uhm. Can I..” I start nervously. “Can I actually take the window seat?”

He stares up at me. His mouth hung open, clearly confused. “Why?” he asks.

I roll my eyes, irritated that we’re holding up the line to some degree, as people mumble and push past me. “Seeing out the window.. Helps.” trying my best to tiptoe around the elephant in the room.

“Helps?” He parrots me. 

“I hate flying, Sam. Okay? Can I please just sit in the window?” I rush out under my breath, finally spilling the beans. If he had just an ounce of intuition about him. Nevermind. 

“Ohhhhh.” He says, standing up, well, standing as best he can under the overhead bin. “That’s why you were being so psychotic this morning.”

He stands up straight in front of me in the middle of the aisle, waving me in with his hand. 

“It’s not psychotic to want someone to show up on time.” I slip past him and slide into the window seat. Shoving my bag under the seat in front of me. He follows, plopping down next to me and doing the same with his bag.

“I was on time, just not early. I’m actually always on time, you’ll find.” He leans an arm against the armrest between us, placing an inquisitive finger to his chin. “I’ve not once been late since you’ve known me, have I?”

I decline to answer, and instead raise the shade on the window and pull out my headphones, ready to drown him out once the flight attendants are finished with their instructions. Because, yes I do pay attention to those. You can never be too careful. 

The plane starts to move, and instantly my heart is beating like a drum in my throat. I wring my fingers together, focusing on the friction of my hands. The heat of my palms only soothes me so much. 

Sam leans over the armrest again and whispers, “You can hold my hand if you’re scared, it’s okay.” I look down to see his palm staring right back at me. I glance up to his face trying to determine if the smile he wears is genuine or if he’s being a dick. 

My pride won’t allow me to accept the former, so I reply, “I’d rather eat dirt, actually. Thanks for making fun of me.” Then I cross my arms and stare out the window. 

“I wasn’t – Nevermind.” He adjusts in his seat and puts his own headphones back on his ears. 

The relief I feel knowing this first flight is a short one is minimal at best. Just when I get used to being in the air, we’ll have to touch back down and then I’m waiting in the airport to do it all over again. 

I pull my headphones over my ears and choose a playlist I specifically curated to be relaxing for the flight. I tilt my head back and focus on anything but the low hum of the engine. Just as I start to forget, I’m thousands of feet in the air..

Turbulence. Fuck.

I jolt upright and clasp my hands together, squeezing them together so tightly I’m on the verge of breaking a finger. I feel a hand touch my forearm. I peek open one eye, despite knowing that the only person that could be touching me right now is Sam. I look up at him, and he gestures for me to remove my headphones. 

“It’s a short flight, so they won’t go up as high. Meaning there will be more turbulence than normal as we fly through the clouds.” 

Great.

Wonderful. 

Amazing.

That makes me soooooo happy, actually. My breathing picks up, and I trying to calm my nerves and focus on my breathing. In through my nose, and out through my mouth. Sam sneaks into my line of sight again.

“Hey.” He gives me a gentle smile and I might find it sweet if I wasn’t losing my mind at the moment. “We’ll only be up here for ten minutes tops, then we descend. You have nothing to worry about.”

Easy for you to say. I resist the urge to snap at him and go back to my breathing techniques.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I have never in my life been more thrilled to touch solid ground. Every time the plane shook, I squeezed my eyes and hands tighter. I’m surprised I made it out unscathed. Well, relatively unscathed. The skin around my thumbs bore the brunt of my anxiety when I wasn’t trying to be as still as possible. Somehow, my logic was if I can stay still, we won’t plummet to the ground to our untimely deaths. At one point, we dipped what I’m sure was a normal amount, and I swore that was the end of me. 

“I’m hungry.” Sam says to me as we walk through the tunnel to the airport. “Think I’m gonna roam around to find some.”

I stop midstep. “No. I don’t trust you. We’re going to find the gate.” I say.

A statement, not a question. 

“But Birdie, I’m hungry.” He complains, like a five-year-old. Jesus, if I wanted to tote around an annoying child, I would have had one by now. 

“We’re going to go and find the gate, Sam.” I don’t let him argue with me. “Please, don’t do this to me. I’m already stressed, and I don’t trust you not to make it worse by showing up at the last minute again.” We finally step into the gate. Airports always smell so bad, and the Newark airport is no different. No matter what time of year, they always smell like sweaty socks. Gross.

“How about this,” he counters, and I wait for his terrible idea. “We go find the gate–”

“Yes! Thank you!” I exclaim triumphantly. I honestly thought I’d have to fight him harder on that. He throws me a pointed look as we walk side by side.

“How about we go find the gate, we see it exists, and then we go get food. Together.”

I contemplate his words, mulling them over in my head. I’m not usually one to eat while flying. Due to all the nerves and stress that I’ll miss a flight or get lost. I don’t fly much for this reason.

“Come on, Bird. We have a two-hour layover, and if I don’t eat, I’ll be cranky, and there’s no vacancy in the cranky department because we both know that spot is taken by you.”   

“Hey!” I protest. He’s.. not exactly wrong, though. Am I cranky? Yes. Do I have a reason to be cranky? Yes. Come to think of it.. I don’t think I’ve actually seen Sam cranky. I’ve seen him surprised, like when I yelled at him at the farmers market. I’ve seen him happy, like when we won the contest. I’ve seen him sassy, because yes sassy is the word I’d use to describe when he bickers with me. But I’ve never seen him cranky or mad even. He always matches my snarkiness tit for tat, but he never seems irritated by it. It’s one of the reasons I don’t fully mind having to do this project with him. He’s talented, which makes the work part easier. And he’s a total pain in my ass. Mostly because I just.. Don’t understand him.

“So…” He waits with anticipation. 

“Okay.” I give in; I feel like I’m always giving in to him. “We’ll see where the gate is, and then we’ll go get food.”

We make our way through the crowd. Luckily, the gate we have to be at is just at the next terminal over, so we don’t have to walk very far. Sam, however, is a very tall man, and I find myself struggling to match his stride, even at a casual walking speed. Or what I’m sure is casual for him. I wrap my hand around his elbow and give him a gentle squeeze as if to remind him of my presence. Just another example of Sam acting like he’s the center of the universe. He does, at the very least, slow down a little after that, but I don’t let go of his arm. Just in case. 

“There’s our gate, Birdie.” He looks at it lovingly and slips his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. “Isn’t she pretty?” he lets out a dramatic sigh. 

“Yeah, okay. I get it. Let's get you some food before you wither away and die.”

Choosing a place to eat goes swimmingly when I point out somewhere, and he turns it down. Stupid vegetarian. Finally, we end up at one of those marketplaces that’s more like a rest stop than an actual place to eat. 

Sam buys half the store worth of snacks, and I stick to just a bag of goldfish and a coke until he yells over to me. “Hey, can you grab me sushi if there’s some over there?” He points to the cooler. 

Does he really think he’s going to find sushi here? In the airport? I look anyway just to appease him, and when I find none, I check out. I grab my two items and meet him in the hallway, and we head back to the gate to sit until we board. Thankfully.

We find a couple seats next to an outlet and put all our belongings on the seat between us. 

“There was no sushi?” He looks over at me with the biggest puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen. Jesus. Have his eyes always been that pretty?

“No, Sam. There was no sushi.” I say, hardly wanting to disappoint him. 

“Damn.” he mutters, shoving a couple chips into his mouth. 

“This is Newark. Did you honestly expect there would be sushi?” I ask, opening my bag of goldfish. 

He shrugs, “I dunno. Ya never know.” 

“I thought you couldn’t eat sushi, being a vegetarian and all.” I question skeptically, popping a few crackers into my mouth and opening my bottle of coke. 

“Sushi is my one exception.” He whispers to me like it’s a dirty secret. “Don’t tell Daniel.”  He says as if Daniel and I are in cahoots with each other to conspire against him. I’ve never even met the man. Not officially, anyway. I’ve seen him at the bar a few times, but we've only exchanged a handful of words as he’s checked my ID a time or two. 

“My lips are sealed.” I pretend to lock my mouth and throw away the key. He smiles at me, and it reaches his eyes. Bright and happy. How he manages to be in such good spirits traveling is beyond me. 

I reach between us, setting aside my goldfish, and dig through my bag for a charger. I spent so long checking my phone and staring at my empty texts from him that the battery is getting low, and the next flight is the longer one. I feel through every corner of my bag; I swore I packed it in and I don’t feel it. I open another compartment and feel around there, nothing. Another, and nothing. God damnit. 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asks, setting his food down next to him. 

“Can you just–” I start pulling out items from my bag and setting them in his hands. His eyes are wide with confusion, but I don’t care. I need to find my charger. 

In what feels like Aggie Cromwell’s endless purse of goodies, I stare down at my now empty camera bag. All the contents strewn between mine and Sam’s laps, his arms overflowing. 

“Uh.. Bird?”

“Ugh! I can’t find my charger.” I lean back in my chair, annoyed, and he laughs. He LAUGHS. The nerve of him.

“I have an extra.” he attempts to hand me some of my things back. I stare at him slack jawed. Okay?

“Well good for you!” I snap back. Mr. Overprepared Kiszka has an extra charger while I’m going to have to buy a new one. He laughs again, his eyes squinting as he does. 

“I mean I have an extra you can borrow. Hold on.” He starts to successfully hand me back my things and I crowd them around my lap. 

“Here you go.” He gives me a small smile, and I grab the charger from him. 

“Uhh, thanks.” I unravel the cord from where it's tucked around itself and plug it into the wall socket next to me. I pause just before I stick the cord into the lightning port on my phone. Why does he have an extra?

“Sam.”

“Yeah?” He doesn’t look up from the book he’s reading. 

“Why do you have an extra charger?” 

“Just in case.” He shrugs, still not making eye contact with me. I have a feeling of what he’s going to say if I press the issue, and I better be wrong. 

“Why?” I push his book out of his view. And he sighs. Oh here it comes.

“Because Birdie.” He adjusts in his seat, putting his bookmark in between the pages and looking me directly in the eye. “Clumsy and forgetful usually go together, and you’re definitely clumsy. Is that what you wanted me to say?”

I’m not forgetful. I’m prepared–I’m overprepared, really. I overpack. I plan, and I plan, and I plan. I am not forgetful. Sufficiently annoyed and again choosing not to argue with him, I start to place my things one by one back in the pockets of my bag. 

With his eyes still watching me, he says, “So.. Do you like the camera bag?” a wide smile spreads across his lips. God damnit. I knew he was going to be like this and still bought one anyway. But to be fair, it was the first bag that popped up in my Google search for ‘camera bags’. He totes his around everywhere he goes, so clearly he thinks it's a good choice. 

“I do. It has lots of pockets for all of my things.” I say.

“Like your rocks.” He holds up a black tourmaline raw chunk, and I pluck it from his fingers and tuck it securely in one of the pockets. 

“Yes, like my rocks. That one is good for travel.” I say matter of factly. My phone buzzes against my leg, drawing my attention away from him.

Quinn: Birdieeeeee, you got some splanin to dooooo

Willa: Not you too 🤦🏻‍♀️

Quinn: Hey! You’re not allowed to protest when I was just trying to be a good, dutiful, stay at home roommate and do your laundry while you’re away. HOWEVER I found these in your hamper

Quinn: [ picture ]

Quinn: I was just wondering, if your ratty old sweatpants are here.. What you’re planning on wearing there?

I groan at their text, earning a curious side-eye from Sam. When we won the competition, an email was sent out informing us that we would be sharing a double room. Despite knowing we’d be in two separate beds I still wanted to seem like I have my shit together. Ratty sweatpants do not say ‘I have my life together.’ They say I’ve worn these through every breakup I’ve ever had and are stained with no less than four different kinds of comfort meals and chocolate syrup from the ice cream I've consumed in them, too. Resulting in the conclusion that my life IS, in fact, a mess. Sue me for cryin’ out loud. My phone buzzes again.

Quinn: Are you wearing your sexy pjs?

Quinn: for HIM?

Quinn: A MAN?!

Quinn: You only wear them for me? ☹️

That causes me to laugh, out loud. 

“Everything okay?” Sam asks, concern written on his features.

“Oh, HA, yeah. Everything is fine. Just roommate stuff.” I explain awkwardly.

Willa: They are not sexy pjs just because they match. I was trying to seem like I have my life together okay. People with matching pjs have their lives together.

Quinn: [ picture ]

Quinn: That’s cold, Wallaby.

Jesus Christ. I stare at a photo of Quinn’s pouting face and promptly redirect my attention to Sam. He’s just been in his henley this whole time. No jacket, no coat, no scarf, and he usually always wears a scarf. 

“Are you not cold?” I let my impulsive thought escape my lips. 

“No.” He says plainly, turning the page to his book. 

“Did you even bring a jacket?” I can’t help myself but ask.

“I packed a jacket, yeah.” He pats his own camera bag. 

“Oh.” Well damn. How am I supposed to respond to that? He shuts his book with his finger still keeping his place.

“Are you cold?” He asks.

“I’m always cold, remember?” I say absentmindedly. 

I always come prepared for traveling because airports are cold, planes are cold, and, in my unfortunate turn of luck, it's cold where we’re going. I get a free vacation to an equally cold place. Not how I pictured California. I wore a black long-sleeve under my cream-colored Patagonia pullover to keep warm. I figured a small coat would be enough, with the beginning of April around the corner. 

“Did you want to borrow it?” He interrupts my thoughts.

“What?”

“My jacket. You said you’re cold. Did you want to borrow it?” 

My eyes go wide at his suggestion, and I can’t seem to make my mouth move in protest. I just sit there with my mouth hanging open like a weirdo, and because I’ve taken too long to answer, he already starts to pull his jacket out of his bag. Oh god.

“Here.” He says, giving me a small smile. I take the jacket from him and straighten it out. Oh. It's the rust-colored jacket he was wearing the first day I saw him at the Farmer’s Market. I slide it around my shoulders and slip my arms through each sleeve, staring down at the ties in lieu of buttons. Sam laughs as I stand there.

“It just ties, Birdie. Here,” His hands, oh god, his hands, work the delicate strings at the front. Tying them in tiny little bows. I’m exactly the same height as him as he stays seated in front of me. When he’s finished, he’s still smiling. “There you go. Perfect.” And I really look at him for what seems like the first time. Oh, this is going to be bad.

“Now Boarding Flight 2637 to San Francisco.” They announce over the intercom. Thank god.

 We’re not the last boarding group this go around so it should go a little easier. We stand slightly out of the way until it's our turn to go; this time, Sam lets me lead. Similar to the last flight, we’re in front of the wings, and he allows me the window seat. It works out better that way because he spent so long trying to fidget with the overhead compartment before sitting down next to me. 

Much like the previous flight, I fight with my nerves. I’m just hoping there isn’t turbulence. We’re in the air for almost seven hours; I don’t think I could handle turbulence for that long. I run through my routine. Taking my headphones out and wrapping them around my neck, double-checking my playlist, slipping my Kindle into an easy-to-grab area just in case I am calm enough to read. Doubtful, but we can hope. 

I clasp my hands together and wait as the plane navigates the runway. The flight attendants start their safety presentation and as always, I pay attention. I think I catch a slight giggle from Sam as I crane my neck to be able to see over the seat in front of me. Then we take off. 

I stare out the window as the ground shrinks beneath us, the wheels folding up under the aircraft. I make myself small and still, paying attention to my breathing and the speedy thrum of my heart in my chest. In through my nose, pausing, and breathing out through my mouth. My head starts to get fuzzy as I take in the smell of Sam’s cologne still lingering on his jacket. The woody notes of cedarwood, balsam, and amber calm me down a little. Has he always smelled this good? Why have I never noticed that before?

My eyes wander to Sam, curious to see how a normal person handles a flight. Secretly stealing a glance at him, I take in the profile of his face backlit by the sun from the opposite window. He really does have good genes; all of them do. It’s kind of rude, actually. His hair waves slightly, resting against his shoulders. He runs a hand through it as he casually scrolls through his phone. I lean my head against the back of my seat, feeling myself start to relax a little with each deep breath I take. 

He meets my gaze and holds his hand out to me, offering me the same comfort I previously denied him on the last flight. Again, I decline with a small wave of my own hand. I should be okay, I think to myself.  

After a bit, I’m jolted from my calm demeanor when more turbulence hits. I sit up straight and resume my position of small and still, nervously wringing my hands together.

Sam grabs my hands with both of his and squeezes gently. I look over at him and he looks so worried about me. Why does he look so worried?

“Come here,” I think is what his mouth says to me. I can’t hear anything over the rapid beating of my heart in my ears. Everything else is muffled.

He breaks apart my hands and laces his fingers with my right one, my left one having no choice but to wrap around the back of his. He tugs me a little, pulling me closer to him and I lean my head against his arm. I inhale deeply, searching for the scent that calmed me earlier. In through my nose, pause, out through my mouth.

Again and again, until I feel my heart slow, even if just by a small amount. His thumb gently rubs against the back of my hand. 

“Hey, look at me.” He says softly, as my ears start to clear up. I tilt my head up, never leaving his arm, and stare directly into his warm brown eyes. “You ever heard of the jello theory?” I shake my head no. 

“The theory is that when a plane experiences turbulence, it's kinda like a stapler trapped in jello. The stapler wiggles around but doesn’t suddenly land on the floor. So the plane isn’t going to tumble out of the sky because of a little turbulence; it’s just gonna wiggle around a bit.” 

Huh, I never knew that. I can feel my muscles start to loosen where they’re half wrapped around him. 

“Better?” He asks.

“Better.” I say. Which is the truth. I do feel better after hearing that. 

“Want to watch a movie? Help distract you a little more?” He bends down slightly, unzipping his bag and pulling out his laptop, all one-handed, as he never lets go of mine. 

“How?” Obviously confused by the mechanics, we both have over-the-ear headphones, which puts sharing out the question. And Sam doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy to listen to a movie with the sound on blast in public.

“I have one of those splitter things. Borrowed it from my brother, actually. Ya know.. Just in case.” He says, and the smallest tint of pink washes over his cheeks. He pulls down the tray and sets his laptop on top of it, again reaching into a pocket and pulling out the splitter, and clicking it into place. He wiggles his fingers at me to give him my headphone jack, and then he plugs that into place right next to his. 

“I have Zootopia, The Godfather, and uhh,” he pauses looking down at me. “Twilight.” he mumbles.

“I thought you said you’ve never seen Twilight?” I question skeptically.

“I haven’t.” and I’m almost positive he’s lying. “I uploaded it ya know.. Just in case.” he repeats for the third time today. Samuel ‘just in case’ Kiszka.

“Twilight it is.. Everyone should see it at least once.” I give him a bit of a side-eye. My belly does a flip, and I squeeze his hand tighter when another jolt of turbulence hits. He squeezes my hand back, letting me know its going to be okay. 

“Twilight it is then.” and he clicks play on the movie.

My eyes start to flutter close sometime around ‘Hold on tight spider monkey’, but before I fall asleep, I could swear I see Sam quoting the movie under his breath. I tuck that nugget away for another time.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

When I wake up, I’m still curled up to his arm, our fingers still clasped together, his head gently resting against mine. I raise my head a little, careful not to disturb him, and notice the spot of drool I’ve left there. Oh god. I sit up straight, scaring him in the process, and begin furiously wiping at my mouth. He looks at me wide-eyed, then down at his arm, back up to me, and turns back to his movie. He doesn’t say anything nor does he look upset. My face heats with embarrassment, and I scoot as far away from him as I possibly can. 

He disconnects our headphones and starts to pack up his laptop when the pilot informs us of our descent. I feel like I’ve been on a plane for ages today. Somehow, despite my nap, I still feel unrested. Must be all the anxiety. 

When the plane finally touches down, Sam is quick to get up and stretch. I can’t blame him; he’s nearly six feet tall. I can't imagine that’s comfortable. Especially with my clinging to him like a koala the whole flight. I stand as tall as I can in the cramped space and set my bag on his seat waiting to exit. I feel around my pockets, double-checking that I have everything. Where is my phone? I bend down to feel around the floor, looking to see if it has fallen between the cracks, and notice it under Sam’s seat. I grab it and pocket it. I stand up and get about halfway, only to come eye-to-eye with Sam’s bare belly button. I peer up, and he’s on his tiptoes in the overhead compartment, trying to wriggle out his duffle bag. 

Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. With each stretch and pull of him trying to get his bag out, his sweatpants shift further and further down, exposing the band of his Hanes boxers. Fuck off. Honestly. What have I done to deserve this torture? 

I stand as tall as I can and stare right at the bottom of the overhead compartment just as he gets his bag free. God, I need a fucking nap.

“We have to stop at baggage claim.” I remind him as we start to walk single file down the aircraft. 

“Right.” 

We both say goodbye to the stewardesses, both of whom bid Sam a warm farewell and don’t bother to look at me. Lovely.

“I think it's this way.” He says, pointing at the signs. I let him lead the way; if he wants to captain our way through the airport, so be it. My brain is fried, and I don’t even want to be here anyway. We walk down two flights of stairs to a carpeted area at ground level, nine carousels lined up next to each other. He takes a left to one-half of them and points. 

“They said this one.” 

So we wait. And we wait. And we wait some more. 

Bag after bag comes out, none of which are mine. I start to get restless. Stepping from foot to foot. 

“Sam.” I look over at him. I tuck my hair behind my ears and then begin wringing my hands together. “My bag isn’t here.” 

“What do you mean your bag isn’t here?” He drops his duffle off his shoulder with a loud thud.

“I mean, none of these bags are my luggage.” My eyes are wide, and my pulse picks up. “Oh god.” I run my hands over my face and start to pace back and forth in front of him. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Hey, hey, hey.” He calls to me. “Birdie!” finally grabbing a hold of my shoulders and stopping me. “We will go check with the baggage claim office and figure it out. It’ll be fine. Please calm down.”

“Calm down? You want me to CALM DOWN?” I start to raise my voice a bit too loudly for where we are. Even though it’s nearly a ghost town down here for it still being in the middle of the day, I know I’m embarrassing him, but I can’t stop myself in the heat of the moment.

“We're in another state. This is for WORK, and my luggage is gone. I will have nothing to wear to anything they need us to do. I can’t even brush my teeth! And you want me to be CALM?” my chest rises and falls with my rapid breaths. He reaches out and snatches one of my hands and cradles it between both of his. 

“I just meant we’ll figure it out, okay?” 

A frown makes its way to my face, and I just wave him onward to whatever plan he’s internally concocted. He leans down and grabs his duffle bag, and heads off to his destination. 

When he finally reaches the desk for our airline, no one will pay him any attention. All trying to get their own affairs in order before glancing over at him. 

 “Excuse me.” he says and waits. No one looks. “Excuse me.” he tries again, and nothing. Finally, seeing a side of Sam I’ve never seen before, he raises his voice and yells, “Who the hell do I need to talk to to get my girlfriend’s luggage?” and I nearly choke on my own saliva. 

“Sorry sir, what can I do for you.” a petite young woman says to him.

“My girlfriend checked a bag, and it wasn’t at baggage claim. We’re in town for a business trip, and it’s important that she has her luggage. How can we figure out where it is?” My eyes gloss over and my ears start to play static noise at the second mention of ‘girlfriend’. I don’t even hear the rest of the conversation when he shakes me back to reality. 

“They sent it down the wrong track. She said it should be on number 2 instead of 7.” When I fail to move my feet, he questions me. 

“I’m your what now?” I ask him. Girlfriend.

“I just thought they’d take me more seriously if I said that. ‘Coworker who usually hates me and bickers with me all the time’ doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.” he says casually, putting an arm around me and leading me in the direction the receptionist sent him. “Why? Do you think I should have said something else? Fiancee? Wife?” 

“Oh, Sam, for the love of God, please shut up.” I rub my fingers over my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. Yep, I definitely need a nap.

“Damn, okay..” he laughs.

We finally make it to the right carousel and I grab my luggage. Crisis averted. I give him a small thank you, knowing he made it happen but also still being incredibly annoyed by this process. And maybeeee taking it out on him a little bit. Just a little..

We make it to the front entrance, where a man in a suit and cute little hat has a sign that says “Sam Kiszka and Willa Clarke”. He introduces himself as Christian, takes my bag and leads us to his vehicle. I hop into the backseat as Sam and Christian put the luggage in the trunk. When Sam joins me in the backseat, I don’t even bother to open my eyes. 

“He said the hotel is like a half an hour’s drive with the traffic.” He whispers to me. The faint click of his seatbelt follows. I hold up my hand, give him a thumbs up, and try to nap the rest of the way there. 

The ride feels much longer than it actually is, given its bumper-to-bumper traffic. The roads are terrible and bumpy, and he zigzags through the cars, but I try not to pay attention. I wish I had some melatonin so I could just conk out when we get there. Every curve, bump, and honk of the horn grate on my last nerve as I’m pulled from my nap and further thrust into insanity. 

I feel myself barely keeping it together by the time that we get to the hotel. Longing for my PJs, I meet the boys at the trunk to get my luggage. I say thank you to Christian and watch as Sam shakes his hand and stealthily hands him a tip. Even in my half-asleep brain fog, that still makes my stomach flip. Why was that kinda.. Nope, not even going there.

I follow behind Sam, and he opens the door for me. At least he has manners. And we wait our turn to talk to the receptionist at the front desk.

“What name is the reservation under?” He asks. I pull my phone out of my pocket and go searching for the email in my inbox. 

“Says both of us.” I pocket my phone again. 

We step up to the counter, and the young man greets us with a pleasant smile. “Welcome to the Hyatt, I’m Dustin. How can I help you?” His curly hair bounces as he talks. 

“We have a reservation under Sam Kiszka or Willa Clarke,” Sam replies. 

“You’re with the newspapers, right?” 

He shakes his head. 

“You’re in room 422. You’ll head down this way to the elevators, and you’re on floor four.” Dustin says as he slides us our room keys. Sam grabs them, handing me the extra. 

“We have continental breakfast every morning starting at 6 and going until 9 in the morning. We have plenty of amenities, like a pool and fitness center you’re free to use, just use your key to access the rooms. If you need anything else, call down to us from the phone in your room.”

We thank yet another person and make our way to the elevator. Sam presses the correct floor button and I lean against the back wall.

“The home-iest home stretch of all home stretches.” He says to me, and I just glare at him, having depleted my energy for the day. God, I’ve lost the will to bicker with him. 

The elevator dings, and I nearly hear the chorus of angels singing in the distance. My bed is calling me. Well, a bed is calling me. I tote behind Sam like the sleepy toddler I’ve become as he twists and turns his way down the appropriate hallways until he reaches room 422. The golden room. Finally. 

He places the key against the pad, the light turns green, and the sound of it unlocking is music to my ears. He steps inside flicks on the light, and starts hysterically laughing. I’m not even sure I want to know what’s so funny when I ask him, but I do anyway. 

“Why are you laughing?” his tall frame blocking my view of anything as I try to get my suitcase in the door. I shut the door when I’m finally successful, and he’s wiping the tears from his eyes as he continues to roar with laughter. I let go of my luggage handle and step into the light.

“Oh. My. God.” 

Of fucking course, there’s only one bed.

Chapter Six

Chapter 8

Masterpost | Taglist (or reply to be added!)

Taglist (:

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[suffarustuffaru]

What do you think would’ve happened if Heinkel had been the one to fall into a coma instead of Louanna? I just think the potential of that is very juicy because like that completely changes the Astrea family dynamics!

oh i ADORE this idea so much!!! arghhh i love astrea family dynamics so much and i really really like each member - though of course i hope we learn more about louanna soon!!! im so curious about her and everyone in the family BUT her is at least decently fleshed out already!! but yes okay this idea is great and also Everyone in these reddit threads have brainstormed all kinds of ideas for Other Astrea Members Falling Comatose (heinkel, reinhard, theresia, or wilhelm) far far better than i could so if anyone seeing this hasnt seen those i highly recommend reading!! super fun ideas going on <3

but yeah my quick two cents on heinkel specifically going comatose is that, like people have mentioned in those threads that stuff would happen differently. marcos doesnt rejoin the royal guard, reinhard probably doesnt get the dp of mind changing, wilhelm might die to the whale instead since heinkel isnt around to get sent on a suicide mission and wilhelm Would Not Back Down from that, etc etc. or did theresia get sent to kill the whale right away while wilhelm like in canon went to deal with the royal family?? that sort of thing.

i think ultimately we dont 100% know what would happen on the louanna side of things just because. we dont know anything about how she was as a person hah so hard to predict!! but i think things would probablyy turn out a little better given everything i just mentioned. and also the bar for how canon went is super low anyway aljsdfl. but yeah i mean louanna seems like she might cope a little better (i mean. shes Probablyy not the type to fall into alcoholism right haha). or she might Also Cope Badly, depending on how you wanna interpret this. and depending on how louanna turns out to be as a person. and Someone is still gonna die to the whale probably. so things are Not That Great and also heinkel being comatose means he wont be head of the house. louanna in this situation either way would need to take charge - both in the sense that uh, in the end it'll just be her and one of reinhard's grandparents left around, and also in the sense that she is reinhards only parent left now. and also reinhard Might get a bit more pressure to hurry into the royal guard sooner. he'll get compared to his comatose MIA dad im sure :(( esp since heinkel is. frozen in time.

theres Always something chilling about how in canon, long term sleeping beauty syndrome victims are just. Stuck. in time. forever frozen. never aging a single day from the moment they were gone. thats Haunting. thats like living with a ghost thats still there. and in this au itd be heinkel!! heinkel whos still at his prime and hasnt truly had a permanent failure yet (losing his mom to the whale, losing louanna to a coma, etc etc), and of course like canon heinkel, louannas left to pick up the pieces which is always really sad to me :(( she and heinkel were young too when all of this started to go wrong T^T like Still Adults, of course, but still young!! like shes 21 and hes 22 T^TT wild stuff.

also i do agree with people who said that louanna might just wack reinhard over the head for kidnapping felt like that. 1000%.

anyway!!! astrea family drama still goes Wrong i think somehow, in another font, if heinkel or anyone else is the one that gets put into a coma :(( it might be better or worse depending on what happens!! and depending on who gets comatose and who Dies!! but yes i think everything goes a bit wrong either way :(( they can never win T^T but itd shift dynamics around every time which is the fun part!!

[eclipsedrawsthings]

Alrighty I finished so let me just type my nerdy analysis through my tears

First off, I went in knowing this was a tragedy (unlike my poor partner, who got smacked over the head with the ending), and this granted me the ability to See The Foreshadowing. Man this show uses the structure of tragedies well.

We are entering the nerd zone. Final warning. I am about to bring up Shakespeare.

In Romeo and Juliet, there’s a specific tipping point that changes the play from a comedy (in the Shakespearean sense) to a tragedy—Mercutio’s death about halfway through act three. After Mercutio dies, there’s no hope for a happy ending; the dominos are in motion and there’s no way to stop it.

Shorter is Mercutio. After he dies, there’s no way to have a happy ending. Heck, he even dies at about the same point in the story—roughly halfway through!

Speaking of Shorter’s death, it’s a perfect example of a tragic scene: one small change could have changed the outcome, but there’s no way of knowing of it would be for the better or for the worse. What would’ve happened if Ash had shot him in the arm or the shoulder, instead of the heart? Maybe it would have stopped him, at least long enough for another solution to come to light, but maybe it wouldn’t have! Maybe he would’ve grabbed the knife in his other hand and killed Eiji—Ash only had one bullet. Maybe the outcome we got, as heartbreaking as it was, was the best possible outcome!

I can’t stop turning the scene in my head, tugging on all the threads to see if anything could have been different, but at the same time… Shorter was already dead the moment he got dosed with Banana Fish. (Another very well-done scene by the way—extremely visceral, especially for someone like me who’s squicked out by needles.)

Moving on from Shorter, Ash and Eiji’s relationship is done fantastically. It’s so easy to imagine them together and happy a few years down the line, partly because they already seem like they’ve been together for years. I love all of the scenes of their morning banter—they’re so full of this feeling of “I love this person so much but goddammit do they know exactly how to get on my nerves” that I love in fictional couples because it’s so real. It’s Han Solo and Princess Leia, it’s Miracle Max and Valerie, it’s my mom and my dad.

And I love the way Ash grows as a character, and how it ties into his relationship with Eiji. Just—the way Eiji meets Ash at his lowest and sees something in him worth loving, which in turn makes Ash want to prove him right—it’s the way loving and being loved by someone makes you want to be better, so you can be the person they see when they look at you.

And the fact that they work so well together makes the ending hurt all the worse. If you’ll excuse my quoting The Princess Bride: “You truly love each other, so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance.”

Switching gears to the art style—there was something about it that was tugging on my brain, and about four episodes in I realized what it was: stylistically, it looks vintage. If you slapped a noise filter over it and maybe changed how the eyes are rendered, Banana Fish would look like it came from the same era as AKIRA. Based on my vary vague knowledge of AKIRA (I read the first volume of the manga, didn’t particularly like it and understood very little of what was going on 😅) I have to wonder if that was deliberate, since my vague understanding is that AKIRA’s plot also involves shadowy organizations and super soldier drugs.

Not really sure how to end this ramble… basically my thesis statement is that this show hurts you by coming so close to a happy ending that was never actually in reach. Also, as cool as the art style is, it makes it a pain for me personally to try and draw these characters, since my own style is very different XD

Peace out, I’m gonna try and stop crying before I have to leave for work ✌️