#(though i think i read too much japanese text that i can no longer read chinese texts whoooops—)

[no1ryomafan]

Yknow I’m generally someone who could be deemed a outsider because I don’t get involved in a lot of things especially when it comes to unnecessary discourse because even if I have a opinion I usually keep it to myself because for me it’s less worth to get involved in certain debates unless I’m really feeling like choosing violence that day but if there’s one debate where it’ll be two sides fighting and I’m just standing aside like “yep this sure is something” it’s fucking sub v dub debated because I’m the anomaly who watches either like it’s no problem and so many anime fans would find me weird for that- if they didn’t already think it was weird I didn’t care for mainstream stuff.

[deus-ex-mona]

[shakes the duolingo owl threateningly]

[mononijikayu]

together — gojo satoru.

“You already noticed I’m here, so why aren’t you saying anything?” you asked, breaking the silence. Satoru’s laughter filled the room, light and familiar, though he didn’t look up from his work. “If I make a mistake on the budget suggestion for this year, I’ll be paying for it.” You couldn’t help but snicker at his response. “You have too much money to be complaining about budget mistakes you can replace.” you shot back, your voice tinged with a mix of exasperation and fondness. “But I like getting it right.” he replied, his tone casual, as if he were talking about something as simple as picking the right dessert. “I like winning.”

GENRE: alternate universe - canon convergence

WARNING/S: angst, romance, break up, hurt/comfort, divorce, separation, hurt, humor, depictions of failing marriage, depiction of post-divorce grief, depiction of sexual content, usage of pet names and endearments, depiction of grief, mention of grief, mention of sexual content, mention of loneliness;

WORD COUNT: 5.5k words

NOTE: the poll winner from recently!!! this took a while. i wanted to write more but you might get bored of me doing longer stories. i should learn how to stop yapping and get straight to the point too,,,,, but im grateful you come and read it at all. i love you all so much!!! i'll be focusing on writing future projects to keep you entertained too <3 oh~ also the japanese text above is the ending text of the story <3

masterlist

if you want to, tip! <3

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LIVING ALONE AGAIN WAS STRANGE. You would think that after spending most of your life living alone, solitude would have become a familiar companion, a constant that you’d grown accustomed to. Yet, the nearly decade-long interlude of marriage had fundamentally shifted your sense of normalcy. Your normal wasn’t your normal years ago. That normal was gone long ago. 

The absence of Satoru, though frequent, had always been counterbalanced by his presence at other times—his laughter, his warmth, the shared moments that punctuated the quiet of your home. Memories reverberated in your head often, almost like a broken record repeating over and over again. 

Even with his unpredictable schedule and the long stretches of time he spent away on missions, his mere existence had woven a thread of companionship into the fabric of your daily life. His absence, when it occurred, was never complete. It was always lingering, almost the feeling of the wind on your cheeks. Like the sunlight that doesn’t know where else to go. 

There was always a lingering echo of his presence in the small things: the way he left his favorite hot cocoa mug on the counter, the occasional stray articles of clothing, or the faint scent of his cologne that lingered in the air. You existed alone and yet never truly alone. You were stuck in the pandemonium of him. And you can’t escape it, not him. Not even if you wanted to. You loved him too much, you think to yourself. And perhaps that was the most dangerous, most painful reality. 

Now, facing the reality of your solitude once again, you felt a shift that was more profound than you had anticipated. The house was quieter, emptier, in a way that was starkly different from your pre-marriage solitude. The echoes of his laughter were replaced by a silence that felt heavier, more pronounced. The space that was once filled with the shared rituals and routines was now hollow, resonating with the absence of the life you had once built together.

You found yourself unexpectedly disoriented by this new kind of loneliness. It wasn’t just the absence of a physical presence; it was the loss of the rhythm of life that had come with living with someone else—the cadence of shared moments, the comfort of knowing someone would always be there to fill the void. You realized that nearly a decade of marriage had redefined what it meant to be alone. The silence you faced now was a different kind of solitude, one that bore the weight of change and loss.

As you adjusted to this new reality, you were confronted with a truth you hadn’t fully grasped before: the difference between being alone and being alone together. The former was an old friend that knows you too well. And the latter had become an ingrained part of your existence, transforming how you experienced and understood solitude. Even in his absence, the presence of Gojo Satoru had left a mark that made the return to your solitary life feel like a disorienting shift. It was a constant reminder, like an afterthought — that you were drowning in both of it. And you wish you weren’t.

The first few weeks after the divorce felt like wading through an endless fog, each step heavier than the last. You’d packed up your life and moved into a smaller apartment, a place devoid of the memories that once filled every corner of your shared space with Gojo Satoru. The silence was a constant reminder of what was lost, and you couldn’t help but notice the emptiness where his laughter once echoed. 

The day you took off your wedding ring, it felt like a final, quiet resignation to a reality you hadn’t fully accepted. You set it aside in a drawer, out of sight but never truly out of mind. And you cried, on and on, for hours that seemed to go on to infinity. Yet, the last name remained, a silent tribute to what once was, even if you weren’t entirely sure why you held on to it. Maybe it was the familiarity, maybe it was a part of you that couldn’t fully let go. But it remained. 

You know he’s changed too since the divorce. At least that’s what you’ve heard from people you know. He moved to a different apartment, a place that probably lacks the warmth you tried to bring into your home together. And you can’t blame him. It was filled with ghosts, your old home. Ghosts of you and him that he didn’t want to remember, he didn’t want to relive. 

He still keeps his wedding ring, that’s what the whispers say. At times, you imagine him, still as tall and proud as ever, his uniform impeccable, with that wedding ring you thought he’d discard hanging around his neck, hidden beneath layers of fabric and bravado. It’s not that you expected him to wear it forever, but knowing he does fills you with a strange mix of pain and comfort. 

He deleted your contact from his phone, yet you’re certain he could still dial your number from memory, just as you’ve failed to erase him from yours. It was too bad, you can’t help but think. How silly it was for both of you, to still be this attached to ten numbers on your phone screen. That it is now etched in your heads. One way or another, still listed as the emergency number on the first listing of the contact list.

It’s ironic, you think. Almost a decade of marriage, years filled with love, laughter, and moments that felt like they could never end, all reduced to this—two people who still love each other deeply but grew too tired to fight for what they had. Not tired of each other, no. You’re sure he’ll always love you, just as you know that you’ll always love him. But the weight of it all became too much. You couldn’t carry it anymore, and neither could he.

And so here you are, in your separate spaces, living lives that feel incomplete without the other. It’s a strange kind of heartbreak, one where the love is still there, lingering like a ghost, but the life you once shared is gone. The divorce papers were just a formality, a first step made by a child born into this world; the real loss, the real step to living again is something neither of you has figured out how to let go of yet. And perhaps, you will never truly find it.

But at times, love wasn’t enough. Love couldn’t bridge the gaps that grew between you and Satoru. Keeping each other alive wasn’t enough either. Knowing that the other was out there, somewhere, breathing, wasn’t enough to fill the void that settled in your heart. Sometimes, you need more than that. And you certainly did.

You felt alone for most of your marriage to Satoru. Not unloved, but alone. There was a difference, you’re sure of it. Satoru loved you, a lot. You knew he did. If you could see it, you would think it would have been large enough to create a bigger sea than the Pacific Ocean. Perhaps it would engulf the whole planet too.

He chose you, above everything. At least at one point, when duty didn’t matter as much as it did now. When the world still spun in the way that made sense. You still remember how his eyes were as they bore against his family members, standing in front of you. He went against tradition, defying the expectations of those who believed he should marry someone with powerful connections, someone from a clan as prestigious as his own. 

Instead, he chose you, a sorcerer without ties to power or influence. Just you. Plain and ordinary you. He carved out Sundays to be with you, Megumi, and Tsumiki, a precious day reserved for just the four of you, away from the demands of the world you were all trapped in. He tried to be there, he really did. You knew that he did his best. Because he loved you.

Yet, despite all that, most days you didn’t see him as much. Duty outweighed that devotion, that love, that defiance.  He was always somewhere else, pulled in too many directions at once. His duties as the strongest, as a teacher, as a protector—those came first. And while you understood, while you knew that he was out there saving lives, it didn’t make the loneliness any easier to bear. Understanding doesn’t make it hurt any less. And he knew that too.

You were surrounded by love, yet it felt like you were living parallel lives, close but never truly touching. The days blurred together, filled with brief moments of connection followed by long stretches of absence. You grew used to missing him, to waiting for the rare moments when he’d be fully present, but it wore on you. The love you shared was real, but it wasn’t enough to keep the loneliness at bay.

That loneliness, the growing chasm between you, led to fights—fights that started small, sparked by little things but quickly ignited into full-blown arguments. Screaming matches that echoed through the apartment, tears that blurred your vision, and words that cut deep, words that should never have been said. 

You tried to make sure you never did that in front of Megumi or Tsumiki. But you think they knew. How could they not, when the silence was so loud? And you would rather stay in silence than let them see the tears, let Satoru see the tears. There were moments when the hurt became too much, and the pain spilled over into everything you did, even the intimacy that once brought you closer.

There were nights when the sex was intense, a desperate attempt to reconnect, to remember the love that once held you together. To feel something other than this emptiness, this grief, this pain. But even in those moments, pleasure was tinged with an ache so deep it brought you to tears. Tears that spilled from the heart of someone already grieving, someone who saw the end coming long before the final goodbye. You grieved for the marriage you had, the marriage that you didn’t have. The one that shouldn’t have ended this way but was unraveling regardless.

He lay on top of you, his body pressing you into the mattress as his lips traced a desperate path along your neck, each kiss laden with a quiet urgency, as if this was the last time he’d ever taste your skin. His breath was warm against your throat, and you could feel the tension in his muscles as he held you close, unwilling to let go just yet.

Your arms locked around the small of his back, pulling him even closer as you moaned against him, the sound trembling with the tears gathering in your eyes. The pressure of his body, the way he rocked against your core, flesh to flesh, was both comforting and excruciatingly bittersweet. Each movement, each whispered breath, felt like a silent plea for more time, a way to hold on to what was slipping through your fingers.

You didn’t want to let go, your heart clinging to the connection between you, desperate to keep him close for just a little longer. But even as you wrapped yourself around him, feeling the pulse of his heart against yours, you knew the truth. You knew that this would end, that this was just another fleeting moment before you’d have to let go, before the final goodbye.

Your tears mingled with the sweat on your skin, a physical manifestation of the heartbreak you were both too afraid to voice. He kissed your neck as if he could somehow imprint his love into your very soul, but deep down, you both knew it wouldn’t be enough. No matter how tightly you held on, no matter how deeply he loved you, this was a chapter that was closing, and nothing could stop that.

You felt both raw and exposed, you lay there beside him, your body still trembling from the aftermath, your heart feeling like it had been shattered into a thousand pieces. The air between you was thick with the unspoken, a silence so heavy it pressed down on your chest, making it hard to breathe. The ceiling above you blurred as tears welled up, but the words that clawed their way up your throat demanded to be spoken, even if they tore you both apart in the process.

“This isn’t working out anymore, Satoru.” you finally said, your voice barely above a whisper, yet it cut through the quiet like a knife. The moment the words left your lips, you could feel the shift in the bed, his body tensing beside you as if bracing for a blow that had already landed. “You know it as much as I do.”

He didn’t respond right away, the silence between you stretching out into something almost unbearable. When he finally turned to look at you, his expression was a mixture of shock and guilt, as if he hadn’t expected to hear what you both knew was inevitable. 

His eyes, those vibrant blue eyes that once held so much joy and love, were now clouded, searching yours for something—anything—that could change what you had just said. Because he knew. He knew it even before you did, with those six eyes. That it was over. That there was nothing left to find. 

The love was still there, burning bright, but it wasn’t enough to hold together what had been breaking for so long. You watched as the realization settled over him, as the weight of your words began to sink in, and in that moment, you saw a part of him crumble. It was as if the strongest man you’d ever known had been brought to his knees, not by any curse or enemy, but by the simple truth that he couldn’t fix what was broken between you.

“I’m sorry, babe.” he whispered, the words trembling in the space between you, as if they carried the weight of all the things he couldn’t say. His voice cracked, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he looked vulnerable, lost in a way you had never seen before. “I’m really sorry.”

His apology hung in the air, a single thread connecting you to a past that had once been so full of promise, now unraveling before your eyes. You wanted to reach out, to hold him, to tell him it wasn’t his fault, that you both tried, but the words stuck in your throat. Instead, you lay there, the distance between your bodies feeling like a chasm that neither of you could cross anymore, the reality of your situation settling in like a cold, unrelenting truth.

And in that moment, you knew it was over. Not just the marriage, but the fight to keep it alive. The love you had for each other was still there, but it had been worn down by the loneliness, the missed connections, the time spent apart. And now, as you lay beside him, you realized that love alone wasn’t enough to save what you had lost. And you were tired. You were tired of it all.

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ALL YOU WANTED TO DO WAS CRAWL INTO BED AND SLEEP. That mission really did a number on your energy, you think. But you were just desperate to get it done with. With the rise of cursed spirits doubling, you had to do more than what you usually do. And now that you were home, you wished for nothing more than to take a nice long shower and drink some beer before going off to bed. 

You yawned as you opened the door and took your keys away, the exhaustion settling into your bones as you slipped off your shoes and dropped your bag by the door.The familiar hum of your apartment greeted you, a moment of quiet before you could finally relax. You turned on your AC and put your coat away. But before you could even take a breath, your phone rang, its sharp tone cutting through the silence.

You glanced at the screen and saw Shoko’s name flashing. A small smile tugged at your lips as you answered, “Hey, Shoko—”

She didn’t let you finish. “You need to get to Jujutsu High. Immediately.”

Her voice was brisk, but there was an underlying edge to it that made your heart skip a beat. Your eyes shot a glance at the clock on the wall, noting the late hour with a sigh. You didn’t have to ask, but the question slipped out anyway, “Is it Satoru?”

Shoko’s snicker crackled through the phone, and you could almost see her rolling her eyes. “Who else would it be?”

You closed your eyes for a moment, rubbing the bridge of your nose as a wave of weariness washed over you. It always seemed to be him. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, Sho.” you replied, your voice resigned but determined. “Just let me have a shower first.”

There was a pause, and then Shoko’s tone softened just slightly. “Thanks.”

“Keep him entertained until I get there, okay?”

“I don’t really think I can keep promises like that.”

You hung up, the familiar mixture of concern and frustration stirring in your chest. You knew Satoru—how he pushed himself, how he always danced on the edge of danger, how he made everyone worry without ever seeming to care about the toll it took on those who loved him. And now, once again, you found yourself rushing to his side, the weight of your shared history pressing down on you as you prepared to face whatever mess he’d gotten himself into this time.

When you arrived at the familiar room, the sight that greeted you was almost surreal in its familiarity. It was exactly as you had left it weeks and weeks ago, as if time had frozen in this one small corner of the world. But you think in a way, that’s how sentimental your ex–husband was. You sighed. It was still something you have to get used to, thinking of Satoru as your ex–husband. But slowly but little, maybe you would.

Papers were stacked precariously on every available surface, threatening to topple over at any moment. Food containers were haphazardly piled in a corner, one after the other, all empty. Sweet soda cans lay scattered around, rolling slightly with each step you took. Dust had begun to settle on the scrolls and books that were abandoned on the desk and floor, evidence of a mind too occupied to care about the mess surrounding it.

And there, in the far corner of the room, was Gojo Satoru. His cerulean blue eyes, as bright and intense as ever, were glued to a pile of administrative paperwork, his brow furrowed in concentration. Concentration that you rarely see in him when you are at home. Well, when you still lived together. You stood in the doorway for a moment, taking it all in, before letting out a long, quiet sigh.

“You already noticed I’m here, so why aren’t you saying anything?” you asked, breaking the silence.

Satoru’s laughter filled the room, light and familiar, though he didn’t look up from his work. “If I make a mistake on the budget suggestion for this year, I’ll be paying for it.”

You couldn’t help but snicker at his response. “You have too much money to be complaining about budget mistakes you can replace.” you shot back, your voice tinged with a mix of exasperation and fondness.

“But I like getting it right.” he replied, his tone casual, as if he were talking about something as simple as picking the right dessert. “I like winning.”

You watched him for a moment longer, a twinge of something bittersweet tugging at your heart. Satoru had always been like this, meticulous in certain things, striving for perfection in the most mundane tasks. And for a fleeting second, you couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, he had wanted to get more than just the budget right. Maybe he had wanted to get your marriage right, too. But like the paperwork in front of him, it had slipped through the cracks, and no amount of precision could fix what had already fallen apart.

You shook the thought from your mind, leaning against the doorframe. “So, what’s the crisis this time? Or did you just need me to come clean up your mess again?”

Satoru finally looked up, a small, tired smile playing on his lips. “Isn’t that why you’re here?” 

And as much as you wanted to deny it, to tell him you were done cleaning up after him, you couldn’t. Because deep down, you knew that some part of you would always show up for him, even now, even after everything.

“You haven’t slept yet, have you?”

He says nothing for a moment and smiles. “Is it that obvious?”

“I was your wife at one point, Satoru.” You smiled back at him. “I would know it all.”

You moved further into the room, your steps unhurried but purposeful as you waltzed toward him. Without a word, you took the seat directly in front of him, the old familiarity of the space wrapping around you like a well-worn coat. The paper bag in your hand crinkled softly as you set it down on the cluttered table between you. 

Finally, Satoru looked up from his paperwork, his gaze meeting yours. His eyes, always so piercing, softened just slightly as he took you in. “You getting worried for me, babes?” he teased, the nickname slipping out as naturally as ever.

You sighed, the weight of years shared between you pressing down on your shoulders. “When have I never been worried?” you replied, the words tinged with a quiet resignation. “Eat up before you die from hunger, you idiot.”

He chuckled, that easy, careless laugh of his that used to make your heart flutter. “I’ll be fine, you know?” he said, as if it were the simplest truth in the world. “I would have been home before 4 am.”

You nodded, your gaze dropping to the table for a moment. “I know… but I still worry.”

There was a pause, a beat where the air between you grew heavy with the things left unsaid. When you looked back up, his smile had shifted—still there, but tinged with something almost unbearably sad. 

“I hope you stop.” he murmured, the honesty in his voice cutting deeper than any argument or harsh word could have. “It’s not good for you. To worry about me.”

You knew he meant it. Satoru didn’t want you to be weighed down by him, didn’t want you caged like some delicate bird in a gilded cage. He had set you free so that you wouldn’t be in pain anymore, so that you could breathe without the constant worry that had come to define so much of your life together. And in his own way, he was just being honest, just trying to do right by you, even if it meant asking for something that neither of you really wanted. 

But the truth of it hurt all the same, a constant nagging that no matter how much love there was, sometimes that love wasn’t enough to hold you together. And as you sat there, watching him, you knew that letting go of that worry was going to be one of the hardest things you’d ever have to do.

"I heard you got the job at Fukuoka in a few weeks." Satoru whispered, his pearless blue gaze heavy on you. "Congratulations."

You don't know how he heard it, who he heard it from. But your ex-husband always had his six eyes on everything. He has ways. But maybe it didn't matter. You don't think it would have been easy to tell him anyway. You didn't have the heart to. In a way, you feel like you're leaving him behind. And you didn't want to. That was your biggest fear.

That your Satoru would truly be alone. That he would suffer everything the world gave him on his own. As he always has. Because when you think about Satoru, he wasn't the strongest. He was just the boy you fell in love with all those years ago. And now he's the man you loved—still do love. Yet he won't have your shoulder. Now more so than ever that you're leaving.

"Yaga recommended me." You whisper back at him with a tender, broken look. "He thought I would do well as a teacher there. And well, there was a spot opened since Inumaki-sensei retired."

"Inumaki's uncle, wasn't it?" He says, leaning against the back rest. "No, he's definitely older. He's the great-uncle."

"I think so, I'm not very sure." You confess. "I'm not into the clan matters."

He chuckles. "That's okay. Clan matters have always been boring."

Silence befell the two of you as you looked at your fumbling nails. You didn't know what to do now, you didn't think you can meet his eyes. Your grandmother told you that the window to the soul was the eyes. And so, you were hesitant. You were hesistant to see how much damage you could bring to his soul. How much grief you can inflict upon him by leaving.

You cleared your throat, shifting slightly in your seat, and decided to steer the conversation in a safer direction. “How’s Megumi?” you asked, your voice soft but steady, focusing on something you both still cared about.

You blinked rapidly, forcing back the tears that threatened to spill over, refusing to let him see how much his words had shaken you. This was supposed to be a simple visit, just dropping off food, checking in on him like you always did. But nothing about being around Satoru was ever simple, not even now. 

"It's a five hour train ride." You whispered, your eyes still darted to your hands. "Thirteen hours by car and...and I'll stop by for reports and administrative meetings."

"You want me to visit you?" Satoru teased, crossing his arms.

You looked at him, finally. Your lips pursed tightly. "If you want. You know....you know my house is open to you. Wherever it is."

"And you're my home. You always will be." He mumbles lowly, a ghostly smile on his lips. "I'll come and see you, hm? Teleport even."

You could feel a lump gather at your throat. You didn't know what to say. It was overwhelming to hear. But maybe, just maybe — it would hurt less had he said it more often. Maybe it would have been common place. And maybe, your heart wouldn't be breaking over and over again.

"Just don't go on days you have work. Your kids need you too."

He smiles. "No promises."

Satoru’s expression softened further, the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “He’s doing well, I suppose.” he said, leaning back in his chair as if the mere mention of Megumi eased some of the tension between you. “He’s been training hard, getting stronger every day. You know how he is—always pushing himself.”

You nodded, picturing the serious young boy who had become such a central part of both your lives. For a moment, your mind also crosses to Tsumiki. You dare not ask about Tsumiki. Not just yet. You weren’t prepared for the same answer he’d given you a while ago. 

“That sounds like him.” you murmured, a small smile finding its way to your lips despite everything. “He’s always been so determined, even when he was little. Likes proving himself and getting better.”

Satoru’s gaze lingered on you, his eyes searching your face as if he could read your thoughts. “He misses you, you know?” he said quietly, his voice tinged with something almost like regret. “He doesn’t say it, but I can tell.”

The words hit you harder than you expected, a fresh wave of emotion swelling in your chest. You swallowed hard, looking away for a moment to compose yourself. “I miss him too.” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “Every day.”

Satoru reached out then, his hand hesitating for just a second before he placed it gently over yours, a rare moment of contact that spoke volumes. He gave you a small squeeze and then a faint smile, a smile that you wished wasn’t this broken, this sad.

“You should come see him. He’s already lodging here in the school.” he suggested, his thumb brushing against your skin in a soothing motion. “He’d like that, having a visit from you.”

You glanced down at his hand, the warmth of his touch both familiar and foreign at the same time. The simplicity of his suggestion made it all the more heartbreaking. As much as you wanted to see Megumi, to be there for him, it was the reminder of what you had lost—what you both had lost—that made it so difficult.

“I will.” you finally said, your voice thick with the emotion you were trying so hard to keep at bay. “I’ll see him soon.”

Satoru nodded, the understanding passing between you in the quiet that followed. It was a fragile peace, held together by shared memories and the unspoken love that still lingered between you. But it was enough for now, even if just for this moment.

You blinked rapidly, forcing back the tears that threatened to spill over, refusing to let him see how much his words had shaken you. This was supposed to be a simple visit, just dropping off food, checking in on him like you always did. But nothing about being around Satoru was ever simple, not even now. 

As you prepared to leave, the weight of the moment pressed heavily on you, and you turned back toward Satoru, unable to shake the feeling of seeing him so sad. “It’s hard to see you like this, you know?” you said, your voice tinged with concern. “It hurts knowing how much you’re struggling.”

Satoru sighed, his gaze dropping to the papers strewn across his desk. “I have no one to blame but myself, babe.” he said quietly, his voice carrying a resignation that seemed almost like acceptance. “And that’s okay. I’ll figure it out. I always will. I have to.”

You shook your head, frustration and sadness mixing in your voice. “It’s not okay, Satoru. I don’t want you to keep punishing yourself over this. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to anyone.”

He looked up at you, his cerulean eyes reflecting a depth of emotion that he rarely showed. He squeezed your hand again, his grip firm but gentle. You feel like at any moment, you are going to break. He was so gentle, he always was.  When it came to you? He could never be someone that would let Infinity be between you. Gentleness, it's what you deserved. To be loved well, that too. That’s what you deserved most in the world.

“I want you to think of yourself first. You were and always will be my first priority.” he said softly. “You deserve to have a life too, one that isn’t just about me. You need to take care of yourself.”

The simple sincerity of his words broke the dam you had been trying so hard to hold back. The tears you had been fighting to keep at bay finally spilled over, streaming down your cheeks. He lets out a small breath as he takes his free hand and lets his fingers wipe them too. Just as gently as his other hand touches your own.

“I… I don’t know how to do that.” you admitted through your tears, your voice breaking. You bit your lower lip. “It’s hard to just walk away from everything we’ve been through. I keep thinking about how things could have been different.”

Satoru’s expression softened, and he reached out to gently brush away a tear from your cheek. “You don’t have to have all the answers, okay?” he said quietly. “Just take it one step at a time. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, and it’s okay to not have it all figured out right now.”

The tenderness in his touch, the care in his voice, only made the tears flow more freely. You nodded, trying to steady your breath. “I just want you to be okay.” you said, your voice choked with emotion. “I want us both to be okay, even if it’s apart.”

Satoru nodded, his eyes reflecting a mixture of sadness and understanding. “We will be,” he said softly. “It’s just going to take time. But I believe we’ll find our way. You’ll find yours, and I’ll find mine. And we’ll both be okay.”

“Satoru,” you said softly, your voice carrying the weight of all the years you had shared. “You were… you still are the love of my life.”

The words hung in the air, and you could see them hit him like a tidal wave. His eyes widened as the realization crashed over him—memories of youth, of laughter, of love that once felt unbreakable. The years you had spent together, now mere dried ink on the pages of the book of your life, flashed before his eyes. You could almost see the emotional flood pouring over him, washing away the veneer of his usually unshakeable composure.

His laughter broke the silence, a harsh, choking sound that was as close to tears as he would allow himself to show. He takes a deep breath, trying to still himself. Trying to not let this hurt you even more than it already was.

“You already know the answer to that.” he managed, his voice thick with emotion. His laughter turned into a soft, almost pained smile, as if the truth of your words had cracked something open inside him. “Always. No matter what.”

You nodded, tears blurring your vision. “I do.” you said, your voice trembling but resolute. “And I always will. I’ll always love you.”

The room felt colder now, the space between you feeling like an insurmountable distance. But there was a strange sense of peace in acknowledging what had been and what could never be again. As you turned back toward the door, you took one last look at him, holding on to the bittersweet memory of a love that had been both beautiful and painful. 

And with that, you stepped out into the world that awaited you, the horizon stretching out with possibilities as you carried with you the love that had once defined your past. Even as you embarked on this new beginning, the echoes of what you shared with Satoru would forever remain a part of you, an indelible mark on the canvas of your life.

As you moved away, Gojo Satoru watched you with a mix of sadness and resolve. He knew that this separation was not just a physical distance but a necessary step for both of you to find peace and stability. The sight of you walking toward your new life in Fukuoka, away from the familiar chaos and dangers of what's to come; it filled him with hope. It filled him with relief.

In his heart, Satoru found solace in the thought that you would be safe, shielded from the perilous world that had often intruded upon your lives together. The distance between you was painful, but it was for the best. You can’t be together anymore. He’d only hurt you. And no amount of love can bury that hurt. He knew that too well.

As you vanished from view, Satoru took a deep breath, accepting the weight of the decision and the emotions it carried. His eyes looked down at the picture of you and him, back in your wedding. He lets his finger linger against the glass, against the memory of your smiling face. It was better this way. He sighs and puts his blindfold against his eyes again. He takes a seat again. He looks at the meal you made him and he starts to eat again. Little by little, savoring the warmth that remained.

“You made it too spicy again.” He whispers into the empty room, smiling to himself. "That's cruel."

[exilepurify]

Reigen’s confession scene: original Japanese manga text analysis and translation

I had a ton of fun translating the Japanese text from the “no one will save me” Mob headspace scene and it’s fantastic practice, so I decided to personally translate the raws from Reigen’s confession scene and analyze that a bit.

More under the cut! (Very long :0)

Reigen: なんの力も無いんだ！— I dont have any powers!

持ってないんだよ！— None at all!

Reigen: 嘘… — A lie…

最初から嘘だったんだ… — From the start, it was a lie.

Reigen: ちょっと失礼。— Excuse me for a moment.

花粉症かな? — Hay fever, right?

俺はよく嘘をつく。— I lie all the time.

客にも… — To my clients…

Reigen: お前にもな… — and to you…

初めてお前が事務所に来た日… — That day, when you came to my office for the first time…

俺は嘘をついた。— I lied to you.

お前の悩みを知った気で相談に乗った。— I advised you as if I understood your struggles.

お前は俺を簡単に信じた。だから… — And you believed me easily. So…

お前を騙して仕事をやらせた。— I tricked you into working for me.

あの日から今日まで… — From that day, up until now…

Reigen: ずっと… — The entire time…

ずっと利用し続けてたんだ... — I continued to use you the entire time…

俺… — I…

本当は何も知らねぇんだ。— I honestly don’t know shit

Reigen: 超能力のこと… — about psychic powers…

Reigen: これが俺の正体だ… — This is my true self.

今まで師匠面してすまなかったな… — I’m sorry for acting like your master up until now.

だけど最後なんだ。もう少し言わせてくれ。— But this is the last time. So hear me out just a little longer.

Reigen: お前だけが特別な訳じゃない。— You’re not the only one who’s special.

ニ面性なんて誰にでもある。— Everyone has a second side to them.

これは今でも本当に思うことだ。— This is what I truly believe, even now.

皆お前と同じだ。俺も… — You are the same are everyone else. The same as me, too…

だからそんなに悩むな。— So you don’t have to worry so much.

いや… 悩むんでもいいか… — No… worrying is fine, too.

それもまた当たり前のことだ。— That is also a natural thing to do.

ここだけの話… 俺は隠してる自分の本当の姿が大嫌いなんだが… — Just between you and me… I absolutely despise the true nature of my secret self.

それとは別として相談所での日々は嫌いじゃなかった。— Despite this, I didn’t hate those days we spent at the consultation office.

俺には「嘘」があったからお前と知り合えた訳だし… — Because I had “lies”, I got to get to know you…

モブにもその「力」があったから… 今のお前があるんじゃないか。— Because you have your “powers”… you are the person you are today, right?

Reigen: えーと… Um…

要するにだ… — In short…

お前は… — You…

そのままでいい。— are fine the way you are.

もう俺がいなくても大丈夫だ。— You will be okay even if I’m not here anymore.

大丈夫。— You will be okay.

そろそろ受け入れてやれ。自分を！— Accept it a little at a time. Accept yourself!

お前なら… モブならそれができるって事を…俺は知ってる！！— Because it’s you…. Because you’re you, Mob, you can do it. I know you can!!

—————————

Notes:

- なんの力も無いんだ! — I dont have any powers!

Reigen uses a widely-unused kanji here, 「無い」 or “nai”. A.K.A, Japanese negation. It’s almost always written with kana (興味がない、続けない、etc). I imagine the kanji was included here for greater emphasis. Reigen does actually use another unused kanji later in this conversation though (事 instead of こと) so I also think there’s a case to be made for it being an intentional decision made to make Reigen’s speech patterns seem eccentric, but I would need to look at much more of his manga dialogue to confirm that.

- 本当は何も知らねぇんだ。— I honestly don’t know shit

Okay. He doesn’t actually use the shit word here, but cursing is a bit strange in Japanese because of how tone can be subtly indicated by verb form, something we can’t really do in English. Reigen uses a very casual, rude form of 「知らない」 that I think is most faithfully represented by a curse word. He’s obviously trying to put negative emphasis. The Crunchyroll sub put it as “I don’t know a damn thing”. I chose “I honestly don’t know shit” because it’s a bit less of a deviation from the raw dialogue.

- 今まで師匠面してすまなかったな… — I’m sorry for acting like your master up until now.

I thought the use of 「師匠面して」 was interesting. 「師匠」 is “Shishou/Master”, which is straightforward, but 「面」 is a kanji that means “mask, face, surface” and it’s basic readings are “メン/men”, “おもて/omote” and “つら/tsura”. Reigen uses a lesser-known reading and meaning of this kanji, so much so that ONE included furigana over the kanji to clarify the reading. 「面」 here is read as 「づら」and is used as a suffix to mean “looking like a…, acting as if a….”.

お前だけが特別な訳じゃない。— You’re not the only one who’s special.

「訳」 (wake) is my mortal enemy, because it’s a word in Japanese that’s so close to being a particle but isn’t a particle. It’s a word indicating a conclusion reached from personal reasoning or evidence, or circumstance, or meaning related to a situation. It’s abstract, so it can be a bit tricky deciding how best to translate a sentence it’s used in. Sometimes it is not directly translated at all, which is what I did here, taking it more as a subtextual indicator of context than as a word in the text itself. However, this is out of personal preference, and I would totally accept it being translated more overtly as “You’re not the only one with special circumstances.”

- ここだけの話… 俺は隠してる自分の本当の姿が大嫌いなんだが… — Just between you and me… I absolutely despise the true nature of my secret self.

Two notes about this one:

「ここだけの話」 is a phrase that directly translates to “this is a discussion for only right here”, but that would sound kind of weird to say in English, and it means the exact same thing as “just between you and me”.

「隠してる自分の本当の姿」 is a DOOZY. It’s a little clunky, but I think it fits for Reigen to be a bit dramatic with it. I sort of played around with it a little bit, but strictly translated, it means “my hidden self’s true form”.

- 大丈夫だよ。行こう。— I will be okay. Let’s go.

This happens in the scene where Mob and Shigeo accept each other (not a part of Reigen’s confession), but I included it for a good reason. This isn’t so much a translation note as it is a commentary on the manga, but I think I like the manga version of the scene just a little better than the anime, just for the “大丈夫” thing between Reigen and Mob. Mob’s referencing Reigen’s previous words, 「もう俺がいなくても大丈夫だ。大丈夫。」 — “You will be okay even if I’m not here anymore. You will be okay”, which are beautifully enhanced by the sudden panel of Reigen watching Mob in that moment with a small smile, silently reassuring him that it’s true. It’s such a small detail but it means so much to me, and I’m a little sad it wasn’t fully preserved in the anime. But, yknow how it is. Not everything can make it in.

[the-english-student-studyblr]

Book Recommendations (from a lit grad student)

So, as I have come to the end of my MA in world lit, I thought I should give you a list of some of the best books I've read, or learnt from. I ignore established canon and give to you recommendations from across the globe and across all genres. Books that defined their genre, or made an impact, or are just really cool and enjoyable to read. This list is not all dead white men.

I have split the list by era/year of publication primarily for easy reading. A lot of the sections are arbitrary. Some of them are not.

Note: This list is not conclusive! This is based on my own readings, and my own, personal, opinions. You have the right to your own opinions and preferences. If you have any suggestions, add them on below.

Classic lit (pre-1700)

Aristole - Poetics (c. 335 BCE)

As much as I hate it...this one is actually pretty important. I know I said 'contributions to literary canon don't matter', and here I am, immediately doing the opposite. But! Aristotle's Poetics is the earliest treatise on literary theory that has survived to the modern day. You want to know where our ideas of comedy and tragedy come from? Poetics. Three act structure? Poetics. Plot and character? Poetics. Key terms like catharsis, hubris, hamartia? Poetics. We had to read this for creative writing, and did I hate it? Yes. Am I a better writer for having read it? Also yes

Plato - The Republic (c. 375 BCE)

Plato is quite easy to read, of the classical philosophers. His works are mostly dialogues between characters, which makes them more engaging that some other dry philosophy texts. I wrote out a longer post with an explanation of Plato's Republic specifically here.

Genji Monogatari (pre-1021)

The first novel ever! Originally written in Japanese, be careful of your translations because most are of questionable quality. I've only read the first one by Suematsu and that's uhhhhh Bad™ but I think the current waterstones edition is decent?

The Völsunga saga OR The Vinland sagas (early 13th century)

Ah, how to choose just one Norse saga? These are both pretty solid examples of their style, and short (always a plus). The Völsunga saga was the inspiration behind Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen (famous for the piece The Valkyrie), and most likely Tolkien's works. The Vinland sagas supposedly have an anime/manga series inspired by them, though looking at the synopsis I cannot see where the inspiration was other than time period. Norse sagas - especially the Icelandic ones such as Vinland - are actually pretty good guides to real historic events, which is very cool. I could go on for hours about this, but I'll spare you the rambling.

Thomas More - Utopia (1516)

Lovely little sarcastic book about tudor politics and human nature all wrapped up in the original 'utopian text'. Surprisingly funny for something written so long ago, and very easy to read. I wrote a longer post about it here

Aphra Behn - Oroonoko (1688)

Hated it, but the themes are interesting and wow did the author lead an interesting life. Widely considered to be the first novel written in English, deals with colonialism, slavery, and honour, and Aphra Behn was a spy? I'm sure some of you will eat that up. Be warned, very 'noble savage'-y book, but less racist than it could've been so cool, I guess?

Early Modern Drama

Christopher Marlowe - Edward II (1592)

Gay. So gay. We're not supposed to call it gay (because of a whole host of reasons that I can and will explain if anyone shows up in my askbox complaining about academics) but it is a very very queer play and Kit Marlowe was too which is even better. Also our one and only history play on this list. Anyone who already knows how Edward II died (thanks horrible histories) do not spoil the ending.

Shakespeare - Twelfth Night (1602)

As with any Shakespeare, watch a performance if you can. I highly recommend the National Theatre version that was up on youtube in 2020. Very gay, no one is cishet. Lots of singing and dancing. Prime example of Shakespeare's comedies with added gender shenanigans.

Shakespeare - Hamlet (1609)

Yes I'm basic. Yes I like Hamlet. In the same way that Twelfth Night is a great example of Shakespeare's comedies, Hamlet is a good example of his tragedies. Mostly, though, I'm recommending this because the castle it's set in in Denmark (Elsinore) a) actually exists and b) does an amazing educational programme, with live actors performing scenes all across the castle! Watching the 'to be or not to be' soliloquy in the banquet hall just adds a whole other level to the experience of reading the play.

Shakespeare - Measure for Measure OR The Tempest

Shakespeare's problem plays. I couldn't pick just one, because they're both fantastic in different ways. Measure for Measure features what can only be described as the early-modern version of an ace protagonist - Isabella - who I adore. The Tempest has a really interesting portrayal of early colonialism and slavery. The reason they are 'problem plays' is they check all the boxes for a comedy...but they're not funny. At all. And they also check some of the boxes for a tragedy. They're certainly interesting reading

Ben Jonson - The Alchemist (1610)

Just a really good, solid play. Very funny. Bunch of con artists set up an elaborate scheme to rob rich people. Also very good for showing class structures of the time. Shakespeare gets all the recognition for this era but Jonson is just as good really, and definitely as clever.

Regency and Victorian lit (1700-1900)

Jane Austen

Literally anything by Austen. She is just so funny, so witty, and I wholeheartedly believe she'd be a feminist today. Master of the female gaze in literature, but beyond that she is basically credited with the invention of free indirect discourse, which is super cool. I have only read Pride and Prejudice, but I have heard good things about most of her books, so I don't feel bad recommending all of them.

William Blake

There's one poem by Blake about a London street urchin that breaks my heart every time I read it and that is the sole reason behind this recommendation I hate Romantic poets.

Mary Shelley - Frankenstein (1818)

You knew it was coming. First sci-fi, gothic horror, teenage girl writer. Gotta love Shelley.

Frederik Douglass - Narrative of the Life of Frederik Douglass (1845)

You know those books that are horrifying because they're real? That's this book. Doesn't shy away from the horrors of slavery and for a reason. This is an autobiography. It is not fiction.

Gowongo Mohawk - Wep-ton-no-mah (1890s)

My favourite play of all time. You will need to do a trip to either the British Library or the Library of Congress to read it because there are no other copies, but I did do a whole podcast episode about it because I'm apparently the expert? You can find it here.

Bram Stoker - Dracula (1894)

I know here on tumblr we adore Dracula, and for good reason. It's horrifying, it's got a blorbo, if you haven't read it already, go with a dracula daily read-through or @re-dracula for the best experience. (Re:Dracula also has episodes where they get scholars on to talk about things like racism and gender and queer theory surrounding the text which is SO COOL as an ex-lit student I love listening to those episodes.

Post-1900

Oscar Wilde - De Profundis (1905)

We had to read a snippet of this for A-Level and I wish it had been more because wow. Most lists like this will recommend Dorian Gray because it's a novel, but De Prof is so heartfelt and beautiful and sad and deserves to be read.

Baroness Orczy - The Scarlet Pimpernel (1905)

First masked vigilante/superhero! If you like comic books or superhero media, this is where it all started (funny how all the firsts so far have been written by women 🤔)

Erich Maria Remarque - All Quiet on the Western Front (1929)

If you only read one book in your life about WW1 make it this one! It is heartbreaking and beautifully written and makes you feel so many things. It was banned in...a lot of places for being anti-war (especially as WW2 came closer) and also because it was written by a German who was anti-war which was apparently impossible to comprehend. The prose is truly something to behold.

Modern lit (Post-war era)

George Orwell - 1984 (1948) OR Animal Farm (1945)

Which one you should read depends a lot on how long your preferred book is and how metaphorical your tastes are. Both are very good explorations of corrupt governments. Animal Farm is an easier read and shorter and is much more allegorical. 1984 is very in-your-face about how much authoritarian governments suck. Do not discount 1984 just because Winston is a terrible person. Everyone knows he's terrible. That's the whole point. He is a normal terrible person, not a cartoonishly evil terrible person, or an angelically perfect revolutionary. All the characters are realistic for their situation.

Maya Angelou - I know why the caged bird sings (1969)

Another one with some beautiful prose. She's a poet and you can tell. It's an autobiography, plus there's a lot of clever stuff going on with how it's written. You could write an essay about this. I did.

Ghassan Khanafani - Return to Haifa (1969)

A short story by a Palestinian author - we were given this by our Palestinian lecturer as an intro to the conflict and the terrible things that colonialism has done to the region. Additionally, there are notes throughout that help explain the significance of things and background and all that jazz. There is a play version that is probably easier to find because it was published more recently but it's not as good.

Ben Okri - The Famished Road (1993)

I did not read this book for uni and I think that may have influenced my opinion of it slightly but I still credit it as one of the reasons I got interested in world lit and translation. It's a really beautiful exploration of Nigerian mythological tradition and its effect on family and politics in this kind of fascinatingly weird style that's both magical realism and modernist? I hate modernism but love magical realism more so.

Carmen Maria Machado - In the Dream House (2019)

What a book oh wow. It reads like poetry. I cannot think of anything coherent to say my brain is screaming. The novel explores abuse in queer relationships, which is something people don't normally talk about, through some very interesting motifs and I love it so much. It is hard to read, but very rewarding.

[ladythornofrivia]

The Imperfection of Sound

In a world of sound, reader is deaf. Until she meets Ran Haitani, who shows her that life is more than just hoping for a miracle.

Pair: Ran x Reader

Part: Five-part series

Warning: Mature Content

(If you’re under 18, I’m sorry but you can’t read this)

Author’s Note: Sorry for the wait. I want to make the second chapter to be great. So much has been going on this month, but here I am, watching a funny Filipino movie, then downloading Webtoons which I should’ve done a long time ago. Is it too late to start? Oh, and the Filipino movie I watch is on Netflix, and then I also watched Bridgerton. I’m also thankful that you guys enjoy the stories I wrote; you have no idea how much it means to me that it captures your attention. I also wanted to say that I hope you guys are doing okay, being happy and well. 🥹

(Please report if someone decides to plagiarizes/steals my work. And notify me. Thank you.)

Chapter 2: This Feeling…

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Everyday, every minute and second, in weeks, months and years, Ran acquires to make everything perfect. Appearances are a must. First impressions last, unless making a greater impression for the next occasion, which occasions turned to daily events.

But for the first time, he’s distressed. Beyond the ultimate perfection, it created another layer of fear to achieve more perfectionism.

For the first weeks, it took you a while to open up with Ran. Though Ran is used to girls throwing themselves at him whether in person or phone, he tried his best to communicate with you without going too fast with a ‘bang’.

Though a while it took, everything fell into place within 3 months. Everything was a success. Though one day, after their busy hours, they started texting each other non-stop, then a summon of simple 20 questions and facts about themselves. Then they twist a game into a more fun one by doing two truths and a lie.

(y/n): I want to make our conversation more interesting.

Ran: 😏 What kind of interesting? 😉

(y/n): don’t get any dirty minded ideas, Ran.

Ran: Why do you assume I’m thinking something dirty?

(y/n): the wink emoji. The side smirk emoji. 😂 i know everything. I see all.

Ran: what do you mean? I’m just sitting here anticipating, darling. Teasing you is so fun to watch, Sauron, the eye that sees all.

(y/n) is typing…

(y/n): it’ll be simple and quick.

Ran: Go on, I’m still here, waiting. 😉😏

(y/n): two truths and a lie. We have to tells facts about ourselves, and you have to guess which one is a lie, same goes for me. Self-explanatory.

Ran: alright. Bring it. 😎

(y/n): i used to ice skate, I won a dance competition at the age of 13, and I can do 3 sign languages—Japanese, English and Italian.

Ran: 🤔 hmmm…interesting…

(y/n): what? What are you thinking at the moment?

Ran: nothing, I feel as if you can do it all. So much sophistication in you. 😏😉

In an instant, you found yourself tucking half of your face in the sheets, flushing heat from his comment. But you regathered yourself that Ran Haitani is capable of making alluring comments to any girl. Not even the air condition would cool down the hot shivers on your limbs and hands, with tiny tingles tickling on your fingertips.

(y/n): so, which is the lie?

Ran: the second one.

Smiling, you typed, “wrong! It’s the first one. Your turn!”

Ran: I have own some designs from Mont Blanc. I’m a part-time model and an actor. I own a building at Roppongi.

(y/n): hmmmm…

Ran: did i offend you? 😱😥

(y/n): not really. I thought it’d be…ordinary like mine.

Ran: what do you mean?

(y/n): my accomplishments felt so mundane compare to yours.but it’s riveting.

Ran: which one?

(y/n): if anything, they all sound like you. Tricky…I have to say an actor or model.

Ran: you’re right! You chose your answer wisely.

(y/n): but you do look like a model. You’re tall and you have nice hair and good bone structure on your legs and a nice complexion. What’s your secret on making your hair look nice? Why do guys always have longer and healthier locks than mine? 😂

Ran: believe me if I say that maintaining hairstyle is hard. Good bone structure on my legs?

(y/n): yeah, we girls have to get used to being pretty. Being pretty cost a lot of hurt. Well you’re tall. Like a giant.

Ran: a handsome giant, I hope? 🙈

(y/n): like one of the fairy tales.

Ran: that’s not what I meant. I meant to say that when it comes to hair salons, they have their prices ranged up. A tall handsome giant, maybe? A confirmation from a talented, sophisticated lady? 🥺

(y/n): I wish everything is cheap. Life isn’t fair. You’re like a tall elvish prince, I’d say.

Ran: I agree. But when it comes to money, anyone can pretty much do anything. As long as everything is legal. Elvish prince? Lord of the Rings?

(y/n): you know it! 🤭🫣

(y/n): I always wanted to become a ballerina, but I dislocated my leg and foot in the process at a young age. I used to dye my hair blonde a lot. And I used to go to homeschool.

Ran: dislocated? Are you okay?

(y/n): 😂. You have to pick which one is a lie.

Ran: if I have to guess…homeschool!

(y/n): nope! Dyeing my hair blonde. I wouldn’t risk it. My head is too precious to be ruined.

Ran: is your leg okay?

(y/n): I’m okay. I can walk and sit perfectly. But if I slip, it tends to get worse. So I had to be careful.

Ran: want me to help you?

(y/n): you don’t have to, actually. I’ve been pretty cautious ever since I was a little girl.

Ran: I can help you to get to a location. I have a car. Driving is not an issue for me.

(y/n): very kind of you, Ran, but I’d rather get exercise for my leg. I don’t want to rely on anyone for the burdens I’ve been carrying for my whole life.

Ran couldn’t let you go on a risky route. He’ll have to find a way to make an excuse to help you, to ease your burdens.

Ran: I overslept over a day. I can cook food. I…have my eyes and heart set on someone.

Your heart skipped a beat. You were sure that your mind is still present, not strayed by the last fact about Ran. He has his eyes set on someone.

Nah, that can’t be. His love life is his precious kingdom—his kingdom of roppongi. You already know this by now. A part of you felt like your heart is screeched into an imploded shock.

Drinking water to calm the burn in your chest and throat, you licked your lips dry, focusing on other facts.

Ran: (y/n)?

(y/n): sorry, I was thinking long and hard on this. They all sound like you.

Ran: are you sure about that? You might want to think long and hard again. 🙈 i know what’s long and hard, if you catch my drift.

(y/n): maybe…the second one?

Ran: you got it!

You couldn’t breathe anymore. Your head turned with hot spiraling motion, even when sitting still. You drank another bottle of water.

(y/n): that was fun! 🤭👏

Ran: do you play video games?

(y/n): no, unfortunately. Besides, I suck at playing video games. I watched a lot of dramas.

Ran: drama?

(y/n): you wouldn’t be interested in it.

Ran: tell me, anyway. 😊🫣

Your heart skipped a beat again, but with your watered eyes prickle, engaging on changing your inner channel to a happier one.

(y/n): um, I either watch Underworld—which is NOT a drama, but rather a supernatural action movie, or I would watch those cheesy romantic movies. Like ‘the fault in our stars’ or anything with historical drama. Sometimes I watch a lot of cartoons like Shrek or anything that has musical parts on it. Putting on subtitles is part of the routine.

Ran: you should invite me sometime.

The hitched on your throat came, nearly choking. Almost as if you’re rendered speechless.

(y/n): are you sure? I mean, there are some parts that are boring. I can set up Fast & Furious or any of the action movies you prefer, like ones with money heist or something.

Ran: it’s okay. Besides, my brother is trying to host a party at the building I live in.

(y/n): why don’t you join him? I mean, you told me before that you can do DJ.I’m sure the people you want to see will be there.

Ran: I want to get away from party life for once. Are you interested in going to a party?

(y/n): I haven’t been into one since the prom.

Ran: we never have a prom here.

(y/n): I know, you’re very wild, unlike me.

Ran: taming is the only way for me to cooperate with somebody.

(y/n): I’m sure someone will tame you one of these times. Maybe sooner than later. I have to go to sleep. My eyes are getting heavy. I’ll text you whenever I can. 😴

Ran’s hands are coated in sweat, reading the last message you sent. Under the lying world of darkness, even a dimmed screen on his phone, he was sure he’s been sparked brighter. The movements shifted in his bed with his limbs were somewhat hyper and awake.

You, on the other hand, are lying. Your eyes weren’t getting heavier. You wish your heart would stop listening and responding from his messages. All of this, will be nothing in the end but just a thin string of temporary comfort. This will all be but a smoke and mirrors to you.

This feeling….you couldn’t survive it. Your inner voices unruly spiked, then drowned.

Like Scarlett O’Hara said, ‘I’ll think about it tomorrow.’ Is a way for you to forget what he previously declared.

Meanwhile…

“Fuck, why did I say that I set my eyes and heart on someone…” Ran scolded himself, throwing himself on the tucked bed. “I’m so stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid! It’s not like she’ll make a big deal out of it…right? I’m sure she’ll forget. By the time tomorrow, she’ll talk to me again, like nothing occurs. And I’ll talk to her, too. I’ll just go to take for a walk…”

“Ran, it’s time to go!” Rindou interrupted through the closed door. “We can’t miss the party!”

With Ran’s head hung low, he said, “Guess not.”

Taglist: @colored-tr-panels @galactict3a @onyx-blossom @f1yh1gh @glamourkills18 @akemiixx01 @penguinlovestowrite @mrssano04 @sehunnies-hunnie96

[solradguy]

Sol I gotta ask, when you read japanese, are you at the level where you can read it casually, or does understanding it still take effort? Because even though I've got the basic gist of my second language down, I still would struggle with picking up a novel and consuming it, actively translating the text in my brain takes so much extra effort than skimming words in english 🥲

If it's baby level I can read it just fine haha but longer stuff is impossible without Yomitan because there are just so... many..... kanji......... Picking up a physical novel or newspaper and being able to understand 100% of it is still beyond my skill level, but I am probably at least to a point where I could give like a vague summary of what's happening.

I'm not sure how many kanji I have memorized exactly... When I started the Begin translation a few years back I probably knew maybe 200 (what was I doing translating books at just 200 kanji?!?) and I'd be surprised if I knew less than 800 now, which is nearly a third of the recommended number needed to fully understand a newspaper (~2200). That's just kanji though, my actual vocabulary is a lot higher than that lol

I'd love to take an actual Japanese class some day... Self study has gotten me REALLY far but, like you, there are a lot of times where I have to translate it into English before it clicks with my brain, and I think I would be a lot more efficient at translating in general too if I had more professional studying. Maybe some day!!

[hatredmadeofgold]

Unfortunately not a new chapter but a current status update (same text as in the link):

Sorry, this isn’t Chapter 7 yet, but a status update and I will NOT abandon this don’t worry

Hey hello, Pulsar here. No worries, this fic not going on hiatus, I just felt bad that there’s radio silence and no new chapter update yet. Also, I had no idea how to reach many of my readers in any other way because my username until a few weeks ago didn’t match my handle anywhere else, but I’ll be linking to my social media at the end of this message.

I can assure you though, I will never abandon this project. My therapist pointed out to me that writing this helps me a lot with my own mental health and recovery, so basically, I must write this as if my life depends on it. /hj And honestly, I noticed that as well after he pointed it out, and recovery is my number one priority in life anyway, so. Hope that’s reassuring enough for you guys that this fic will be finished in full, including all the additional stories, even if it takes 5 years or longer than that. I am one of those people who stick to the same main interest/fandom for a decade.

Anyway, let’s get to the actual status update:

I absolutely underestimated how much work it takes to finish the script, originally I wanted to continue writing when the script for Arc 1 is finished but hahaha that’s unfortunately not how that’s going to work out and I hate having to make people wait for ages (I am not that patient myself), but I wanted to be transparent about the current writing process 😊

Chapter 7 will come out still this month (June 2023), and I am very sure that I can guarantee that. But I recently discovered that I misinterpreted some aspects of MGR itself while watching the Japanese dub out of curiosity, and I am not satisfied anymore with the 2nd version of my script as I already said when I published Chapter 6, which the first 4 chapters were based on. Hence, I will have to edit (almost) all of them, but thankfully it’s really minor changes and additions as well as some formatting, and none of these changes affects the story so far. But if you want to, you can read them again from the beginning once Chapter 7 goes online. I will delete this announcement then and move some of the info here to the author comment section at the end of Chapter 7. With the addition of the prequel I Come With Knives, Sam got an entire backstory now that did not exist in the 2nd version of the script and it affects the story very positively. It makes it a lot more complex, a lot more consistent and a lot more enjoyable for me to write and (hopefully) also a lot more enjoyable for you guys to read. The downside is, that with the 3rd version of the script, all the additional stories also came and the ‘lore’ of Sing to Me became very fucking massive – I am not joking when I say this is nearly as complex as the Solid series – and that makes the development of the script a little more ‘difficult’. I am not a perfectionist, but my brain is only satisfied when things make sense. I have 29 script files at this point and they will become even more (but at least it’s very organised). Not that I cannot handle it, but at this point I have a small development team who help me with research and discussing ideas, giving me feedback etc. I am just a tiny bit insane about this project but in the best way possible (One of my mutuals even joked that I am a fusion of Hideo Kojima and Rohan Kishibe when it comes to being an author lmao). Honestly, another reason I decided to rework my script is also the fact that it focused too much on Raiden and too little on Sam in the first and second versions. And I think there’s enough focus on Raiden already everywhere else (not that that’s a bad thing), but Sam deserves as much attention as Raiden does – and during the 3rd script development I was sometimes scared that it would now be imbalanced in the other direction, where the focus lies too much on Sam lol. But thankfully that didn’t happen, it’s pretty 50-50. Also, I am sure that even 75 chapters won’t come close to how long this fic will be, like, at this point I believe 100-125 chapters is more realistic but who the fuck knows. I know this is insane. I am enjoying every bit of it <3

Long story short, the two paragraphs above explain why I couldn’t get back to my insane writing speed from January in which I legit wrote 5 chapters in a single month yet. But hopefully, I might get that speed back as soon as I finished the preparations that need to be done for me to continue. However, I’ll also go back to vocational school sometime around August and I’ll have to see how I manage my studies and writing together. Also, dragonfly1212 asked me a while ago that due to the amount of research that I am doing for this story if I would share it eventually, and he’s got a point. My plan is to probably make a tumblr side blog where I will share all the lore over time, as well as reference sheets, character information, inspiration, etc. Drawings I commissioned as well as ‘fanart’, playlists, and fic updates. With the amount of detail and complexity this fic project has, a ‘wiki’ certainly would help I guess lol. Since it’s unrealistic for me to finish the entire Arc 1 script as fast as I’d like to, I will do this in smaller steps instead. As for now, I have nearly finished the fine-tuned scripts for Chapter 7 until Chapter 13, which will finalise the first smaller arc of Arc 1 :D Chapter 13 is probably going to be my next favourite one to write after Chapters 5 and 6, but the fine-tuned script for it is already 8 pages long and it doesn’t make sense to split it up because it would kill the tension if I were to do that. I hope that it will NOT be extremely long, but I am afraid I will have to ‘assault’ you guys with a chapter that’s going to be over 10k words long. Oh well, please don’t hate me. With Chapter 13 this fic will also officially move its rating from Mature to Explicit. If you’re somebody who does not like to read sexually explicit scenes though, I already decided that chapters with such scenes, first of all, will not solely consist of that alone, and secondly, I will also give a marking/note in the top author comment above such chapters where it starts and where it ends, so you can CTRL/Cmd + F and skip over those. I am not sure yet how, but I might use symbols for that as well, so it’s easier to skip, especially for those of you who prefer to read on mobile devices (I am one of those people myself). Also, it’s unlikely that there will be a lot of such scenes in this story anyway, at least in proportion to the length. I care a little bit more about the plot and the drama hahaha.

Community Discord Y/N? Additionally, I’ve been asked now by 3 different people if there’s a discord server about this fic. I didn’t think people would be so curious or interested in my creative work that people would ask if there’s a server lmao but honestly? If there’s enough interest, then I might make one – and please give me feedback if you’d be interested in joining such a community. In the case I might make a discord server though, it would not be exclusively about Samuraiden, Metal Gear or any ship or fandom in particular, and not just Sing to Me, although the main focus would still be on this project. I thought, if anything, it would be a small creative exchange between artists and authors or just people who enjoy reading this story and want to talk to me about it or others as well. This server then would also have an additional corner for you to share your own creative work, be that art, writing, or any other form of artistic expression, and it doesn’t have to be fandom-specific or fanwork at all, it can be original as well. I thought that I may also use such a server to help and support other authors and artists, and maybe give feedback on other people’s stuff when I have the time and energy to do so. Additionally, I could use that server to give updates on the progress of the fic overall, which is a lot better than inappropriately using AO3 like I am doing it right now. This will be the only time I will make an announcement like this anyway.

I’ve otherwise made such announcements already on my social media accounts before, but I haven’t had them linked in my AO3 profile until recently either. You can find me here: Twitter: R3DR4G3dotEXE tumblr: R3DR4G3 Instagram: R3DR4G3.exe Carrd: R3DR4G3 Discord ID: R3DR4G3#3952 (Yes, if you read my fic of course you can add me, I’d love to chat!) Anyway! Thanks for reading, I am sorry that this isn’t Chapter 7 yet and I hope to see you guys soon! ;^;

[bigbroemen]

沼・山・海・谷にいる numa・yama・umi・tani ni iru

４人の人たち・・・はやく yonin no hitotachi ・・・ hayaku

ココに・・・連れてきて・・・・ koko ni ・・・ tsuretekite ・・・・

---

沼 numa - swamp

山 yama - mountain

海 umi - sea, ocean

谷 tani - valley, canyon

に ni - location marker; in x に y, y is located in or on x

いる iru - to be (of animate objects); to exist

４人 yonin - 4 people, "yo" being 4 and "nin" being the counter for people

人 hito - person

たち tachi - pluralizing suffix, primarily used for people and other animate things w behaviors

ひやく hayaku - adverb conjugation of はやい hayai - fast, quick

ココ koko - here, this place

(again) に ni - location marker; in x に y, y is located in or on x

連れて tsurete - te-form conjugation of 連れる tsureru - to take (someone) with; to bring along. te-form conjugation is being used to tack this verb onto another to create a compound verb

きて kite - te-form conjugation of くる/来る kuru - to come, to arrive. te-form conjugation is being used to convey the verb as a request/instruction

---

swamp・mountain・sea・valley in

4 people... hurry

here... come and bring them

the text is split up in a way that makes the sentence read a little more broken, heres reading it again without a line by line translation

4 people in swamp・mountain・sea・valley...

hurry　here... come and bring them

---

お久しぶり its been a long time since ive done one of these!!!!! i stopped for a long time because 1. they take so long to put together and i think i was just burnt out, despite how much fun i was having, and 2. i hit a point where i was able to fly through a Lot of dialogue without having to stop and learn new pieces, so a good portion of dialogue in games started becoming a lot less like new adventures and a lot more mundane and normal feeling!! that has actually been a very special feeling and ive just been letting myself enjoy it, without jumping to make a breakdown post every 30 minutes

im definitely not at a point where i can play through games like final fantasy tactics, or like. 999. that would be the god mode of practicing japanese i think, thats like. you have to have a developed home-born and raised high school level understanding of japanese. like you dont NEED to be born and raised but thats the level of exposure you should expect to have in order to match that level

it HAS been a long time!!! i stopped playing games in japanese for a while. in the same way i got burnt out on making breakdown posts, i also got burnt out actively play-reading in japanese for at least a few months. at the time, it felt too wrong to just passively play-read for that period of time in retrospect though, i think thats wrong. input thats only getting passed through and not getting committed to memory still does more for your exposure than input that doesnt go in at all. i DID play a ton of kirby air ride in japanese in that period of time, so at least i like. REALLY know what まっすぐ means from all the drag race predictions

im playing majoras mask right now. i started playing on the switch in english and i got the energy to play in japanese, so i started a file on the computer (apparently the system language change doesnt work for the roms on the switch??). joeys playing fallout 4 a ton on the computer and im letting him since he gets less free time than i do and his work is a lot more physically taxing, so im a lot more ahead on the switch vs the computer (also the computer is just taking longer by virtue of me looking up words and shit in the jp dictionary every 20 seconds); i just got the lens of truth and the goron mask in english while im Still on the very first 3 day cycle in japanese

i dont know how many more of these ill be doing in the near future!! they DO take a long time. if i find a box of dialogue or boxes of dialogue that really Grab me, ill be here

[masterofdemise]

On the contrary to that post about the VC, I would like to learn more about Pluto Beyblade today I think 👍

You asking this question is like unleashing a beast. Here's the problem though. I can start literally anywhere. Shall I talk about what we know of canon and all the ideas me and my friends have come up with based on that information? Should I discuss the missed opportunities there were to have him interact with certain characters? How about the various story ideas or concepts that I have for him that also ties in with my other concepts for Beyblade (ex: Vermillion Vows and the Solar Swap AU).

I will not leave you hanging though anon. Pluto is quite an interesting character and I think he can be so interesting if you really read into how he progressively grows more deranged as the show goes on.

Pluto's voice (especially in the Japanese dub) and his overall body language becomes much more vicious as he becomes closer to succeeding, and also as he soon realizes, that victory can be stripped from him in mere minutes. When he battles Kenta, he becomes very desperate to win and goes on about how "King Hades' prophecy doesn't acknowledge [his] existence" and constantly brings up how he is the descendant of Hades (both as a flex, and when he loses in complete disbelieve).

In my head-canon at least, now you can call me delusional (but also he has literally nothing in terms of backstory so I can make things up and who is going to care LMFAO), but I think in his past, he has probably been told constantly about his lineage and whoever came before him, REALLY emphasized his importance and put a lot of pressure on him to succeed. His life is dedicated to the revival of Nemesis and the destruction of the world. When that goal slowly starts to fail, everything is crashing down. Hell, as soon as Zeus's Barrier succeeds, the whole place literally crashes on him.

I think the one thing that makes me feel extra sad about Pluto being trapped in the temple is that he could have escaped. He wasn't the one controlling Nemesis since that was Rago's job. Anytime after he lost to Kenta, he could have just left since he would have known full well that there was nothing Rago could do to stop Zeus' Barrier.

But then what?

Is he just supposed to go back to whatever he was doing before all of this Nemesis shenanigans? This whole Nemesis crisis is his fault. What can he even do, knowing he failed? He'd probably be arrested, maybe a death sentence even? Does he really want to spend the rest of his time rotting in a cell? What even is there to look forward to if he leaves the temple? The whole world not being fully destroyed would always be a reminder to him that he failed. Of course, that's good for everyone else, but for someone like him who doesn't know any other life? A stunt like this and no one would ever give him a chance again.

Oops I said too much again. See what I mean by the wall of text lol?

Thank you very much for asking though! I would love to go more into it but I probably would make this post WAY longer than it should be. If anyone is still somehow curious about my Pluto text walls, please feel free to DM me because I will gladly talk about him ^^'

[yo9urt]

more japanese pmd talk! FYI from now on i will be tagging these as #pokemon fushigi no diary

EXTREMELY LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

played through chapters 2 & 3 today (AKA i finished the drowzee stuff and then stopped), which means i got to meet a TON of new characters and read into their speaking styles as i hoped i would!

observations:

CHATOT uses わたし for himself and おまえ for the apprentices. i'll probably puzzle over this for a while longer but my intuition says it makes sense - he can use おまえ since he's super high in the chain of command, and he WOULD use it because he's a guy, but he would also self-refer as わたし because it's a bit more formal and coming from him it almost sounds kind of puffed up to me? not sure though. he also ends a lot of sentences/utterances with さ(あ) and the occasional ぞ; in general his speech feels very rhythmic, not just because he literally has music notes in his text boxes and his head is a music note but i think maybe he has a lot of long vowels too? i also noticed he was pretty informal with the apprentices BUT pretty much every time i looked up something he said to wigglytuff, it was labeled as polite language, which also makes sense

WIGGLYTUFF, interestingly, used きみたち for the main characters (i'm highlighting all the uses of きみ that i find bc i think this pronoun is very underexplained but i hear it a LOOOOOOT especially in music so i'm really curious about it). and ぼく for self (makes sense)

(speaking of きみ, MC calls azurill きみ in his mind - informal male language?)

LOUDRED talks how you expect him to, but even louder than his english counterpart. uses おれ, uses -ら for plurals instead of たち (one of very few characters to do so so far), and most notably (to me), uses the ろ imperative form of commands instead of doing the て-form!

BIDOOF was the star of the show. he ALSO called the MCs きみたち, as well as こうはい/called himself a せんぱい (very cute - i remember in the english version he goes "i was the last to join before you guys...i've never had anyone junior to me before...oh, my!!" and now i see where that was really coming from/what it really meant lol). in the english version i remember they also gave him almost a bit of a country accent - whatever accent he has must be the equivalent of the FASCINATING language he was using. he called himself あっし, a pronoun i've never heard before and that jisho says is "mainly used by working men," and ended almost every sentence with で ゲス, which jisho says is an archaic and very polite "to be." i would guess that あっし is referencing 1. his lower status in the guild and how hard he works as an apprentice & 2. his country boy background (as we see in the special episode). the で ゲス, though, i have no idea - maybe that's also considered a country thing? maybe he's just being really polite so people will respect him more as he works his way up?

CORPHISH was fun too, for the few sentences i heard from him; he masculinely ends his sentences with ぜ and uses another pronoun i didn't know about: おいら!

SUNFLORA, unlike everyone else on the planet, does not call the MCs きみたち nor おまえたち (i'm noticing a continuing lack of あなた usage); she calls them "name-さん" and also uses です instead of...the various words the other characters use. i guess this makes sense, i remember hearing that women are expected to be a little politer than men in japanese & i've noticed that "informal language" and "masculine language" often go hand in hand in dictionaries

CROAGUNK uses ANOTHER new pronoun: わし, which is apparently used by old men (him being old was completely new to me, i don't know if that was ever expressed in english). i also noticed he said "わしのな" for "my name" rather than using "なまえ" like everyone else was

MURKROW (town npc) ended all her sentences with ザマス which is another archaic "to be" (i imagine a native speaker can hear all of these in accents and understand what they mean in ways i can't)

THE KECLEONS used a boatload of shop language and polite words, as well as singsongy lengthened vowels, and they even used the に that means "and" which i just recently learned about so i was pleasantly surprised to run into it so soon!

KANGASKHAN, most cutely, referred to herself as おばちゃん and had a very obachan speaking style in general, from what i could tell. this is one thing that i think definitely came through in english, i've been playing this game since i was like 6 and for all 16 years i've had a little bit of that comfortable auntie association with her, just from how she talks and how sweet she is to the MCs (i always think of when you come back from the expedition and she says "oh, my dears! you have a new lean, mean look about you!" ahh she's so endearing)

MAGNEZONE spoke entirely in katakana which was a wonderful and sensible artistic touch, albeit much slower to read

i got to do a little bit of artistry myself: i had to pick the team's name! as previously mentioned, i customized the game to be myself as clefairy(/clefable) and my partner as gastly(/gengar) because they just kind of go together, and that was the right decision because i got to come up with thematically appropriate names! i was deliberating over things they have in common (mountains, moon, night, hiding, being kind of weird but also cute, etc.) and in the end it came down to:

月夜 (つきよ） (moonlit night)

夜山 (よるやま） (not a real word, just "night mountain")

しん��笑 (しんとわら） / shintokara (しんとから） (しんと = onomato for '(dead) silent', わら from '笑う' which means 'to laugh' and から from 'カラカラ' which is onomato for 'laugh loudly'); these 2 were because i really love the onomato system in japanese and its undoubtedly immense creative potential and i really wanted to play with it a bit myself! it was very close but in the end i went with シントワラ, "silent laugh(ter)" - 'silent' referring to how clefable has very sensitive hearing and prefers quiet spaces, and 'laugh' referring to gengar's evil laugh/big evil smile and general goofiness. i think it's a really good name for the team :) i also chose to put it in katakana (even though i like hiragana better in general) because i think it fits with MC being from another world + partner being a little bit of an outcast early in the story + it looks really good with how シント kind of slopes down and ワラ are like the big and small versions of each other, almost.

(speaking of other worlds, clefairy is a strangely perfect MC: quiet so won't talk, literally from space like the MC is from human world, has a bizarre unexplained power, etc. also its sprite and portraits are so cute it's almost nauseating. in a good way)

one other thing: in a previous post i mentioned that i'd noticed no one was suffixing anyone's name and i was curious about that. well, sunflora DOES use さん for the MCs, chimecho (also a girl, which i think plays a role) was either using さん or さま to talk to the guild as a group, and everyone calls wigglytuff おやかたさま (makes sense). other than that it's actually a fair mix of pronouns and names so far. i'll be chewing on this for a while too, i'm sure :)

SENTENCES I WAS PROUD OF TODAY (BUNCHES THIS TIME!! i even forgot to screenshot a couple!):

まあ この なかから よわそうなヤツ を えらんで こらしめてくれ = "alright, i'll pick some weak-looking fellow for you to punish from this board" (lit. "(maa), this center* from weak-seems-guy OBJ choose-CONN punish-CONN-give.down")

*i can't think of what else なか could be here but chatot was using it to refer to the outlaw job board - unusual use, or am i just underexposed/misunderstanding?

きみたち が ここ に くるまえ は じぶん が いちばん の しんいり だった で ゲス よ... = "before you two came here, i was the most recent apprentice..." (lit. "you-plural SBJ here TARGET come-before TOPIC self SBJ number-one CLASS apprentice copula-PST (で ゲス) NEW.INFO...")

へい! おまえたち! この あいだ ギルド に はいった しんいり じゃねえ か! = "hey! you guys! you're the new apprentices that just joined the guild, aren't you?" (lit. "hey! you-plural! this interval(of time) guild TARGET enter-PST apprentice (じゃねえ) QUESTION!")

あたらしい どうぐ が はいる の わ つぎ の ひ に なります = "new items will come in the next day" (lit. "new item SBJ enter-NPST THING TOPIC next CLASS day TARGET (なります*)")

*i'm not glossing なります because this is polite language and i CBA to figure out exactly what it's doing i just know what it means lol

**speaking of the gloss i want to clarify even though i have a linguistics degree i am NOT doing formal proper glossing this is more of a shorthand personal style which is also why i keep labeling things differently (especially の - i gloss it differently based on how i interpret its role in the given sentence, in whatever way makes the most sense to me)

おおっ! それ は それ は! ささっ ゆっくり ごらん ください~ = "ohh! yes, yes! please browse our many items at your leisure!" (lit. "ohh! that TOPIC that TOPIC! various leisurely look please!")

きみたち みたいな おさない こ が こまってる の を みたら ほっとけない です よ = "if i see little kids like you in a tough situation, i can't just do nothing!" (lit. "you-plural like-NOM? very-little/young kids SBJ troubled-state-exists NOM OBJ see-COND neglect-NEG copula.polite NEW") (fascinating use of の and な, i didn't know you could put な on the end of みたい?)

エデン は たぶん つかれてるんじゃ　ないかなあ= "eden, i wonder, maybe you aren't just tired?" (~lit. "eden TOPIC maybe/probably tired-state-exists not-question-な")

closing thoughts for the day

man i must've played for like 5 hours. maybe 4, or maybe 5. anyway, today really hammered in the value of immersion for me; in the beginning i was like "ohhh godddd more fucking words this is so haaaarrrdddd i should just muscle memory through the whole game i'm tiredddd" but after a little while i almost got into a sort of flow state where i was like "ah...i see...yes...that word...mhm..." and everything just kind of started to make sense. (towards the end i fell out of that state because i was so tired lol but it was fun while it lasted)

i did get boatloads of new vocab today but in particular i felt like my grasp of structures is becoming stronger. don't get me wrong, i am a HUGE NERD and i love learning about structure (remember, linguistics degree) and grammar and it definitely massively helps my learning, but i think it's also important to remember even for structure nerds like me that exposure is important. the more i played, the more i read, and the more i read, the more i found myself grasping sentence structures that i've had trouble with before (the こまってる の を みたら sentence above was a special moment for me because i find conditional sentences a little harder to put together so i was really happy to get it lol).

2 things in particular that i think i made a lot of progress on: こと & という / って / quotative と. i must have seen those guys a BILLION times today and with each exposure i found myself getting it more and more - i can't name an example because i didn't screenshot any of them but there were MANY times where i'd stop and stare at the text box and go "hmm...[x] という...HMMM...QUOTE...hmm...OHHHH!!!" or "X こと...the thing...the こと...of...OH!!!!!!!!!" like, omg, it's all starting to make so much more sense! anyway, today was a lot of fun, and very fulfilling :)

[perryhedge]

japanese update dec 2022

I tend to just vomit up walls of text on Discord about this stuff, especially since it doesn't really go anywhere usually and I just need to talk it out and set some things in order, but every once in a while I remember I have this Tumblr. i mostly use it for talking about anime and manga I guess, but there's no reason why it has to be that.

So, after two months of basically taking it easy in a sense and not tracking any of my study, I'm now getting kind of sick of that. I like having goals, seeing my progress in hours, and generally watching Number Go Up. It was nice to take a break, especially since I've been essentially tracking religiously since May 2020 or so, but I think that break is over and I'm ready to take things seriously again.

I know from my experience with French that maintenance of a language (at least for input skills, not output) becomes much easier the higher your level. I can still watch a French Youtube video (even sometimes at 1.25x speed every once in a while like I do in English -- I have recently been told I am a psychopath for doing this, but I know people do it for audiobooks and such), or read a book, even though I stopped immersing every day starting in March. I do want to get back into it again, with a book club reading L'elegance du herisson. Anyway, so basically my goal with Japanese is to kind of go at it seriously for a shorter period of time before tapering off, rather than being more casually immersed in it over a longer period of time. It just helps with my motivation. I tend to binge things and respond well to goal-oriented stuff.

So, because I'm a maniac, I basically went in to my old spreadsheet (stopped at Sep 30) and cross-checked with Learn Natively and Anilist to fill in an approximation of how much anime and manga I read. No idea about Youtube, but it's a good enough estimate. Apparently I've crossed 2 million characters, and 800 hours total (including study and immersion).

So where to go from here. Well I already decided this month I would focus on reducing my backlog, since I started like 10 different shows, and some of them are quite long. I also decided I would finish Pandora Hearts, which is a long-ish manga. I read the first volume last night, I liked it well enough but I don't know if I'm totally sold just yet, or at least not sold enough to binge it like I've done with some manga. I read half of Chainsaw Man in one day. I might push my way through it still, though.

So yeah, next year I want to be a little bit more intentional about working hard to improve my Japanese ability. I think just a bit of extra effort will be worth it for me. I don't think what I currently do is unsustainable -- I put in about a half an hour into study (kanji and vocab SRS), then just watch and read what I want to, and I'm still improving since I have so much more to learn. But I learned this with French, too. I was improving way more when I was actively challenging myself, and spending at least some time doing things that took a little bit of effort. Not so much that I wasn't having fun at all, but just that extra bit of effort was really good.

So in terms of my listening ability. I think I'll just stick with anime, honestly, for the time being. I do need stronger listening ability eventually, and for that I plan to go into movies or other scripted live-action content. But at the moment I still don't even really understand easier unscripted content like streams 100%, let alone most anime, because of my vocab limits. It's good to train general listening ability at the same time as vocab, but I think it might honestly burn me out unnecessarily to have to deal with films right now. I am not interested in dramas, they seem mostly to be in genres I don't find interesting, and it wouldn't be something I would normally watch. So for the moment, listening will not be my focus any more than it already is. I'm not setting any strict goals, but maybe I'll set an easy weekly minimum just to ensure I'm getting some listening practice as I put in the hours to improve my vocab and grammar through reading.

The lack of middle-level content that I find compelling is kind of an issue I have with my reading as well. Obviously, difficult ranges widely in a medium or even a genre. But generally, I'd expect manga to be pretty much the easiest thing you can read, followed by light novels and then finally novels. Within novels you can probably make a similar distinction to what we have in the anglosphere, between genre fiction and literary fiction. Not a perfect distinction, but again, talking in generalities. So if I wasn't such a stubborn person I'd try to work my way up from manga (which is 100% of what I read now, and I'm getting kind of okay at it at least with furigana) to light novels, the next easiest thing. But here's the thing. I really, really, do not like light novels. I find them boring and irritating. And I really do want to emphasize that I am being stubborn here. I'm sure I could find stuff that is at least enjoyable. But, I just want to jump directly to literature. I don't even think I particularly would care for genre fiction written for adults (if such a distinction exists and if that is even much of a genre different from light novels, which seem more like what we'd call YA).

So here's my dilemma. I said I would put more effort into doing things that aren't necessarily what I love to do, in the name of improving. But I don't think I can overcome the intermediate plateau by suitably "leveling up" to intermediate level difficulty content (as opposed to the easier stuff I immerse with now, kids' anime and shoujo/shounen manga) since I just don't find it interesting. I'm not even in the intermediate plateau yet but of course since I'm incredibly neurotic I'm already worrying about this.

So here's my solution. Next year, or whenever I finish Pandora hearts, I'm going to set a very minimal goal of pushing myself 30 minutes a day with actually challenging content. I might work up through difficulty levels on Natively, and just force myself through a couple of light novels if I feel in the mood to do so. Or, I might just dive into literature and push through it. I've looked into literary prizes which might be a good start for contemporary literature, which I'd imagine is easier than classical stuff or even older stuff for kids (I tried reading Night on the Galactic Railroad once, by the way -- way too hard at the time). I also follow a French Youtuber who reads a lot of Asian literature and might be a good place to look for recommendations. A few days ago I looked at the Japanese Wikipedia pages and skimmed some synopses, and I found some that actually sounded interesting and like something I would actually read, moreso than pretty much any light novel I've found. And I could actually understand these synopses, sometimes. So I think that's where I'll go next.

So in conclusion, I won't be changing anything drastically this year most likely. I'm still kind of focusing on life stuff, too. But starting the end of this year or perhaps 2023, I'll try to seriously improve my reading ability, and as a result I imagine I'll be bumping up my SRS to something like 10 vocab cards a day.

800 hours is nothing to sneeze at. I feel like I've made a lot of progress. But it's still the beginning. I want to seriously get to a level where pretty much any normal anime/manga (which is most of what I expect to be using Japanese for) is comprehensible at like a 99% vocab coverage level. That'll take some effort, but it's doable. It just requires me to either keep at this the way I am for years (like...3+ years maybe, just a wild estimate), or really put in the work to always be immersing with harder and harder material and look things up more often like I did with French (in which case I might be at least at a N1 level at the two year mark). I feel ready to commit to the latter, at least where I'm at now.

Really, I truly believe that after a certain point (which I'm past) language learning is all about how many hours of immersion you get. At least, for me. I can do some skill building here and there, maybe brush up on grammar but there's a limit to how effective that can be. Every time I look into that stuff I'm disappointed at how shallow the pool of language in learner resources is compared to what I care about, which is the pool of language that people use to communicate -- and that includes slang, in-jokes, memes, cultural background, history, and tons of other stuff that comes up naturally in natural communication but rarely in artificial communication. So, in terms of hours, where do I want to be in a month? In a year? Well, I'm not going to count the SRS time because that's not a goal -- it's not like I'm willing to put in any more or less than 30 minutes a day, so it makes no sense to make goals around it. Right now, I have ~575 hours of immersion (just an estimate). I can probably get that to around 650 by the end of the year. So I think around 1500 hours (about 140 minutes a day) or even 1750 hours (3 hours a day) are not too unreasonable goals for 2023. And maybe if I'm still feeling up to it, I'll continue to commit seriously in 2024. But at this point, there's no point in theorycrafting so far ahead.

[violettelueur]

— ITADORI YUJI + FUSHIGURO MEGUMI + GOJO SATORU + RYŌMEN SUKUNA || HOW THEY DEAL WITH THEIR STRESSED S/O

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + gojo satoru + ryomen sukuna from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 16 february

↳ pronouns : non specified in headcanon

↳ request : Hello~ recently i just deal with my school math test, It's stressing me out since i didn't manage to pass it. Seems random but can I ask for Yuuji, Megumi, Gojo, and Sukuna dealing with their s/o that is stressed? Maybe because of the same reasons as I did while helping them study?Sorry if I'm asking a bit too much （；￣д￣）

↳ barista’s notes : this one is going to be the last one for tonight since i am really sleepy  ʕ ﹷ ᴥ ﹷʔ but to who requested this, don’t worry it wasn’t too long and i hope you all are doing well whatever time it is over where you are and have a nice day/night eveyone! i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and come again soon ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ

When Itadori sees that you are really stressed out, he will first try to make you get away from your books but there is no luck on that since you are really adamant about studying.

During those times when he is brainstorming on what he could do for you to de-stress, Itadori will just slide some small snacks to you like packets of crisps (chips if you are not from the UK), sweets/candy, maybe even a bottle/can of your favourite drink.

If the snacks don’t help with your stressed self, Itadori will drag your textbooks away from you and close it before mentioning you to take a break, even a small one if you had to really study.

No matter how much you try to reach out for your book, Itadori is obviously stronger than you and will make the book out of your reach.

He will test you since you are adamant but please know it will take a while for him to ask a quiz question and will take longer for him to find the answer - if you have flashcards, that will be extremely helpful.

After like 10 questions though, he will give up and drag you away from your studying station to somewhere where no books and notes can be seen.

When he manages to take you away, he will make you sit on the kitchen counter before he starts to make you some food - since I know he is a chef, don’t question me on it.

While that is happening, he will start talking about random things like what he has been watching recently, how his day has been, what dates he has been planning, he is just rambling to make sure studying is not on your mind.

He will give you a few kisses here and there to make you smile since you haven’t been for a while and if you giggle at his jokes/antics, that is a bonus for him.

When the meal is completed and eaten, he will continue to make you be away from studying and will probably play a few games with you, online or board games, it really doesn’t matter - anything to make you get away from the stress you were previously in.

In conclusion, when you are stressed out, Itadori’s main priority is to keep studying out of your mind and make sure something else is since he doesn’t like seeing you stressed at all - he actually hates it.

When Fushiguro sees you stressed out, he will notice it the second it builds up since like I said on many occasions, he is an observative person and notices the frowned look and wrinkles on your forehead.

When he comes up to you, he offers to help you study and, of course, you accept because it’s nice to have his company, and just allow him to help you understand what you are confused about.

Of course, like Itadori, Fushiguro had placed down many things for you to make sure you were eating/drinking like a glass of water/tea/coffee, maybe a plate of cut up fruits or maybe a simple sandwich - he wants to make sure that you are taking care of yourself.

Fushiguro will quiz you in the end to help you reassure yourself that you are done studying and that you are going on a break no matter what he says - if you get a question right, he will go out of his way to give you a kiss.

When he thinks you are done studying for the day - or like a month - he will neatly put away your books, notes and stationary for you before preparing you a bath to help you relax.

If you both are really late into your relationship and really comfortable with each other, Fushiguro will sit beind you outside the bathtub and wash your hair for you to relax - it’s like playing with your hair but also a massge to help you relax.

Once again with the act of service vibes, Fushiguro will help you change into one of his jumpers and help you dry and comb your hair - to be honest, it's really therapeutic for him.

If you apply any cream/moisturiser after a bath/shower, Fushiguro will apply it for you - but please know that he will blush since skin to skin contact, but it feels nice.

When you are done with your show bath/shower routine, he will make you lay your head on his chest, while he has an arm around you to comfort you.

Fushiguro will read a book to you since you have mentioned once that you loved the sound of his voice - I feel like you both have a book that you read together and you both take turns, just a thing I have in mind.

In conclusion, Fushiguro since the beginning will make sure that your stress levels are kept to a minimum since the beginning of your study session and if it goes way too high for his liking, he will act upon his concerns.

When you are stressed out, Gojo will notice instantly since you are ignoring him and not responding to his jokes/childish antics.

Gojo will sit in front of you with his hands on his chin (acting like a flower) and will just stare at you until you notice that he is there

If you still don’t pay attention to him, he will place his hand over your work or textbook to obscure you from carrying one - you know when a cat just puts their paw on your work like it’s nothing...yeah, that’s Gojo.

Gojo is also the type that will dash the book away from you and let it drop to the floor while you stare at him with widened eyes like “what the hell was that for?”

Once your attention is now on him, he will quickly grab your things and put them in an extremely high place where he and only he can reach it.

After that, he will carry you bridal style to the couch where the both of you will cuddle and probably eat some cakes/sweets he had organizsed on your coffee table before he decided to disturb your studying session.

Gojo will feed you like you are a baby - like I can imagine him saying “here comes the train”...personally, I will smack the fork away from me if he did that.

When you are done snacking on some cakes/sweets, best know that for the next few hours, you are trapped in his arms in a cuddling position - probably you on top of him.

If he feels more playful than usually and if you are ticklish, he will tickle you like there is no tomorrow so he can hear you laugh andsee you smile.

If he feels romantic, he will continuously kiss you everywhere on your face to ‘melt the stress away’ since he doesn’t want to see you look so misable.

In conclusion, if you are stressed while studying, Gojo doesn’t even give you the chance to say anything, matter of fact, he doesn’t even help you study. Gojo is the type of boyfriend that is spontaneous and if he doesn’t want you to study, he will not let you study at all.

When you are stressed, Sukuna would have no idea why you are stressed on something so minor in your life - it is not minor, but still this is Sukuna we are talking about.

He will look over your shoulder to see what you are doing before scoffing since it looks like nonsense to him - like I don’t think Sukuna would know that quadratic equations are.

I feel like he will laugh at your misery for a second.

If it is an ancient Japanese text you are working on, Sukuna might feel like helping you understand because you are the person that he loves and only loves.

When he is helping you, he expects your full attention - of course - and if you get something incorrect, he will look at you weirdly and will tell you that you are wrong - but he will continue helping you until you are right.

Once he thinks you are done for studying, just know you are done...no questions shall be asked...no argument shall be said….Y/N, you are done.

He will burn your stationary, books and notes if he has to, he will not hesitate one bit.

If you dare refuse to stop studying, Sukuna will just carry you like a snack of potatoes - basically over his shoulder - before dropping you onto your bed.

Before you can even move, he would just keep hold of you in his arms and threaten to burn your study stuff again and demands you to keep still.

To ease your worries or stresses away, he will start to leave kisses on your neck - maybe a few bites - in a way to make you focus on him.

He will also start to get a bit handsy and will begin to caress your body - meaning like putting his hands under your shirt and all that.

In conclusion, Sukuna will make sure you stop studying if you become stressed and he will do anything to make you listen to him - if he knows something really well, he will help you after laughing at your misery for a quick minute.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Hi! Could I get HC from the guys? 👀 How they would always react to catching the reader seeing them "badly", in addition to the fact that he usually avoids them, but with his brothers it is incredible and they feel bad because they think they do not like him.  But she actually likes them and she looks at them like that because she "studies" them to draw them and she is too clumsy and shy to talk to them, that's why she ends up avoiding them. Until finally he catches her drawing them with lots of hearts or maybe they'll find her notebook with lots of portraits of them.

It's kind of funny because when I study people to draw them, they think that I look at them with hatred xd maybe I should increase my glasses prescription

God, glasses are such a pain in the ass but I have to wear them. If I don't anyone within my near vicinity doesn't have a face. But why they gotta get dirty so easily???? Makes me wanna explode or something

TMNT Headcanons

The boys w/ a quiet reader who is fine with his brothers but acts cold around him and stares a lot

Michaelangelo

mikey couldn't describe his disappointment upon realizing that you didn't want to be friends with him

well, you never actually said that to him

but he was pretty sure it was the case

you'd never made an effort to be friends with him

stared at him an awful lot though, but there was always something off about your gaze when you looked at him

like you were sizing him up, scrutinizing him, like he was an opponent

it kinda worried him

to add to that, you didn't even attempt to look embarrassed when he caught you staring

you'd just stare harder

on your end it was quite the opposite

you always found the brothers fascinating and you LOVED studying their anatomy, you'd confessed this to Donnie early on and he happily indulged in your questions

and you loved how easily you got along with the boys

well, except for Mikey

but it wasn't for a lack of trying

whenever the orange sporting turtle came around your normally flamboyant personality crept back into its little corner and hid

any words of excitement that had previously been with you died in your throat

for the longest time you didn't understand it

and you hated not understanding things, so you turned to your only outlet

that's how you ended up with an entire sketchbook full of the youngest brother in vastly different styles and poses

you had a separate book for the others, none of them as detailed as this

and when you stared to analyze you'd fallen into a habit of not looking away when caught

by your logic, if you stared back hard enough he'd look away first or just assume you'd zoned out

he didn't

and on one hectic day you'd left your sketchbook open on the kitchen table in your rush to get to work

you hadn't even noticed the slip up until Leo texted you to let you know during your shift

instant panic

in truth, Mikey was the one who discovered the book upon waking up from his nap and he'd spent the next three hours analyzing every drawing

when you finally dropped in after work to grab your book the turtle was waiting for you with it in hand

he'd asked you if you hated him

you told him no and accepted your sketchbook from him

he was relieved and screaming excitedly, just in his head

"Do you maybe wanna hang out sometime?"

You sighed in relief and nodded

"If you're cool with it- you don't think I'm weird do you?"

"I mean- you are talking to a turtle..."

you lightly shoved his chest and smiled, although it faded within a second

"Oh hush, 10 o'clock tomorrow? I'll bring snacks."

he was so stunned he could only shoot you finger guns in approval

Donatello

Donnie genuinely couldn't understand your unease around him

he'd followed all the proper expectations of holding a conversation

he was polite and engaging

so why wouldn't you talk to him?

this boy has read so many social blogs to try and figure out what he was doing wrong and he just couldn't put his finger on it

you were fine with the rest of his brothers, you'd stay up for hours laughing and gaming with them

you'd even sat still long enough to listen to Leo explain some old Japanese myth that he'd read about in a book

but with him it was always a quick, cordial greetings and farewells with bland small talk in between

Donnie had picked up pretty quickly that you weren't interested in any sort of interaction with him

and he convinced himself that that was okay

but that didn't explain the staring

he'd caught you in the act several times, eyes narrowed and locked on him

especially when you were alone with him in a room or just in the lair

the poor turtle just couldn't put his finger on it

then he caught you drawing, he noticed early on that you always carried a small sketchbook on your person but he didn't think much of it

and it wasn't so much that he caught you drawing, in fact, he wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't snapped at him while he was trying to do a sudoku puzzle

"Damn it Donnie! Stop moving! If I fuck this arm up one more time I'm gonna decompose!"

he'd quickly moved back into the position he was in prior

"sorry?"

but you'd gone silent again, occasionally glancing up from your work and running your eyes along his frame before looking down again

nearly twenty minutes later Donnie had finished the puzzle and it seemed as though you had finished your drawing

"Uh- can I ask what are you-"

"I'm drawing you but you kept moving your arm and making me mess up. You always do that when I draw you so every damn picture I have of you stays a sketch because you always come out looking like a fucking octopus."

He just stared

"Sorry, I uh- I didn't mean to explode on you like that. I'm just- I'm really bad at talking to you okay? It's so easy with everyone else but you've just gotta be so damn smart all the time and I worry that you'll think I'm boring so I just... don't talk to you?"

Donnie is stunned™

You refuse to show him the drawing until you can complete the line art and color it

But at least he knows that you don't hate him

Leonardo

To be completely honest Leo didn't mind that you were distant from him

You created an aura of calm when you were around and you always managed to distract his brothers while you were present

And he enjoyed the alone time

But after a few months that calm acceptance turned into jealousy

Not that he would ever admit it

He would just push it off and ignore it, that usually seemed to work

So why wasn't it?

And your obvious staring problem didn't help at all

Leo didn't spend much time considering his appearance but something about your gaze made him self conscious

And he hated that with a passion

Why was it that you could hold entire debates with his siblings? Even his dad for gods sake. You'd have hour long conversations on almost everything but whenever he tried to say hello you'd make up some lame ass excuse and scamper away

He just wanted an explanation

It appeared that the answer resided in your sketchbook

You'd left it open on the couch when Raph had called you away to spar with him

Leo very delicately flipped through the pages, careful not to disturb some of the polaroid pictures of his brothers

He was admittedly surprised to find pictures of himself among the pages

One of him in a handstand, another of him meditating, there was even one of him mid sneeze that you'd recreated with pencil and paper

The image of his eyes was the most startling, but the book held no polaroid of his eyes

You drew them from memory

And he was shocked when you returned to the room and didn't immediately panic

But that might have been because he didn't try to withhold your book from you

"It took me three months to color them, your eyes. I could never get the shade of blue just right."

"I'm gonna be honest with you y/n, I really thought you didn't like me."

You had the nerve to roll your eyes and follow it with a laugh

"I don't. I mean- I do but no, you just remind me a lot of myself and I haven't exactly figured out why yet. I thought that maybe if I drew you it'd be easier to figure you out..."

"Well did it help?"

You grinned

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?"

Raphael

If there was one thing Raph hated it was not understanding something that was right in front of him

which is ironic, as a much younger version of himself probably couldn't care less

and a part of him wishes he didn't care about it so much

he wishes that your blatant avoidance of him didn't upset him

but shit, it got under his skin better than any needle ever could

was it too much to ask for you to just tell him what he said or did wrong?

was he asking too much of you?

but on the same scale you'd never shown obvious dislike towards him, you were never rude and you sure as hell didn't talk shit about him to his brothers

you got along great with them

in fact it was getting more difficult to remember a time before you became a part of his family

he'd become so used to your presence that it no longer put him off when he found you hanging around the lair

but in another sense he was certain that you hadn't spoken more than three sentences to him in your time knowing him or his family

so what was the reason

several months in he finally caught onto the staring, your narrow, glassy gaze locked onto his body and refusing to look away

he stared right back at you

this annoyed you for several reasons

because within five seconds your very peaceful drawing session had turned into a staring contest and your eyes were getting VERY dry

then you exhaled in a half-sigh and looked back down at your paper

"Huh, I guess your head is more of an oblong shape..."

he took offense to this

"What tha' hell is that supposed t'mean?"

now your eyes held more of an amused silent judgement, you begrudgingly held up your sketchbook

"I'm drawing you, you fucking walnut."

"Oh..."

now you rolled you eyes and tossed the book to him, he nearly dropped it and fumbled with the pages

your annoyance was quickly growing

"Careful with that."

He flipped through the pages at a snails pace, assumingly because he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing

you had some real talent

when he looked back up at you he was wearing that crooked smile

"and here I was thinkin' that my eyes were just green."

Hope I was able to get this down pretty well! I really enjoyed writing this one! Thanks for the patience!

-Mars 🌠

[k-llama-llama]

Midnight Translation

Seventeen AU: 14th member

Rei x Seventeen

Sleepy Rei can still be helpful Rei

She is NOT cannon with the rest of my AUs.

A/N: I want to apologize and thank everyoone who has been so very very patient. I’ve been going through it this past while, and I thank you all for not hating me lol….ALSO CHECK OUT MY PATREON FOR ACCESS TO EXCLUSIVE CONTENT AND EARLY ACCESS (patreon.com/kllamallama)

Requests are OPEN!!!

Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!

Rei’s pillow was vibrating.

            With a groan, she reached under her pillow, feeing around for her phone. She felt like she’d just fallen asleep, and when she finally pulled her phone out from under the covers, the bright screen hurt her head.

            It was two in the morning. Who on earth was texting her at two in the morning?

            Eyes focusing enough through the light that she could read the screen, she saw three messages from Jihoon.

            Rei, how would you say ‘eternity’ in Japanese?

            Actually, do you think you can come here and help?

            Are you asleep?

            She wished she was asleep. But now she was awake. Pushing herself up on her elbow, she checked that Chan hadn’t been woken by her groaning. He was still sprawled across his bed, the covers half on the floor.

            Despite the temptation to roll over and go back to sleep, Rei knew that falling back asleep would take time. And considering that the most recent message from Jihoon had only been sent two minutes ago, he was probably still up.

            Tucking her phone in the pocket of her sweatpants, Rei wrapped her Kirby duvet around her shoulders and then rolled out of bed. She opened the door as quietly as she could, but Chan didn’t even move.

            There were no lights on in the house, but she knew her way around easily enough. When she reached Jihoon’s door, there was a light shining out underneath. She didn’t bother knocking.

            He looked away from his computer with a start, obviously not expecting someone to burst into his room at two in the morning. His hair was mussed and he was wearing a black hoodie. His computer was open to his music program, but he had a notebook in front of him.

            “Rei?” He whispered. “Is that you?”

            She shifted the blanket a little so he could see her face. “Who else would it be?”

            “I thought you were asleep.”

            Rei closed the door behind her and walked over to his bed, flopping onto it. “I was. I’m not anymore.”

            He rubbed his face. “Did I wake you up?”

            She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, I’m awake now.”

            “Sorry.” He reached over, pulling his pillow closer so that she could snuggle with it. “I texted you before I realized how late it was.”

            “I figured.” She sighed. “Do you have any snacks?”

            Jihoon shook his head with a laugh. “You really want snacks this late at night?”

            “I always want snacks.” She stared at him. “So….?”

            He tossed her a bag of shrimp crackers. “Is that good enough?”

            “Yup?” Pulling a few out of the bag, she munched on them happily. “So what were you texting me about?”

            “Oh,” He leaned back in his chair. “I’m working on a Japanese song. I picked one that I wrote a while ago and I’m trying to translate it and see how it sounds.”

            “And that couldn’t wait until morning?”

            “No, I wanted to get it done.” He explained. “And then I remembered that I don’t speak Japanese.”

            “But I do.” She sighed. “Okay, toss the notebook over here.” She held out a hand. It was covered in dust from the crackers.

            Jihoon shook his head. He grabbed a tissue and wiped her hand, before passing over his notebook and a pen. She looked over what he’d already written out, staring blankly at the page.

            “Are you fully awake?” Jihoon asked.

            “No.” Rei whined. “I need coffee.”

            “You’re not getting coffee. If you have too much caffeine, you won’t be able to go back to sleep.”

            She pouted, but started writing, translating all of the phrases that he had written down. It took her about twenty minutes, before she handed the notebook back to him.

            “I think that’s all right, but to be honest, I won’t know until I’ve had a coffee.”

            “I thought you weren’t allowed to have coffee anymore?” Jihoon looked over the notes, finding that she’d crossed out and rewritten most of his lackluster attempt at translations. He’d only attempted it because he couldn’t wait any longer and was feeling too productive to sleep.

            Rei sighed. “You’re going to tell on me?”

            He looked over at her and smiled. She looked absolutely exhausted, all squished onto his bed and blinking the sleep from her eyes. “Not a chance. Do you want me to order you some coffee?”

            “It’s the middle of the night.”

            “Yeah, and you’re sleepy.” He dropped the notebook on his desk and rolled over to her, pushing some of her hair out of her face. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

            “It’s okay. I know you couldn’t sleep.” She reached up to grab his hand, holding it contently under her chin.

            Jihoon felt his heart melt a little bit. Even though he made a big point of saying how much he disliked skinship and only tolerated it from the guys, he loved it from Rei. Even when she’d been a kid, she’d always known how he was feeling. And back then, she’d often been more willing to wrap him in a hug then to attempt speaking. This wasn’t the first time she’d stayed up through the night with him because he was stressed, and he knew she wouldn’t complain about it at all.

            “Can you order noodles?” Rei asked quietly.

            “Do you want food, or do you want to go to sleep?” He asked, squeezing her hand.

            “Are you going to sleep?” She stared at him, already knowing the answer.

            “I have more work to do.” He said weakly.

            “Cool, then I’ll stay up with you.” She pushed herself into a sitting position, not letting go of his hand, and stretched. “I would like noodles and coffee, please, Oppa.”

            “You got it.” He rose from his chair, grabbing his phone and plopping down next to her. “Let’s find somewhere to order from.”

            Rei leaned her head on his shoulder, staring at the screen as he scrolled through the options. “You’re okay, right, Oppa?” Her voice was kind – still raspy from sleep, but awake and attentive.

            “Course, Rei.” He answered a little too quickly, and she nudged his side.

            Chuckling, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I am, Rei, now that you’re here.”

            “Well, I am the best.” She smiled.

            “You are.” He agreed. “How much food do you want?”

            “All of it.”

[forthekags]

Kageyama Being Oblivious to Other People’s Relationships

I have this huge feeling that Kageyama does not keep up with other people's lives. Like if they're not in his immediate circle, he won't even. So this is my take on him finding out about Bokuaka through Y/N.

Also Time Skip Spoilers!!

Ever since Kageyama joined the Shweiden Adlers, your shared apartment has been annoyingly quiet without him to bother. It wasn't something that was freaking you out, you were happy that he's upping his career. You remain his number one fan.

That doesn't mean you don't get lonely every now and then while he's off at practice.

So naturally, you try to bother some of your old high school friends. But they were put living their own successful lives too! Bokuto with his own team, Kuroo with some smarty stuff, and Kenma becoming a streamer and businessman. Until finally! Akaashi agrees to go out for lunch.

Keiji looked better with age. Hell, he looked happier. At lunch, you both found out that you were in the same boat: busy volleyball boyfriends and lonely feelings. You felt some relief knowing that someone else had those same feelings. The slight guilt of feeling lonely and the slight frustration of not having the person you love there, but also that pride of knowing they're out doing something they love.

Then you had to ask who asked who out first.

Akaashi blushed at the question and was shy at first, but the more he got into the story- the memory- you could see how happy and in love he was with a knucklehead like Bokuto. They had remained close friends after Bo left for college, and Akaashi would go to his games every now and then. He confessed that he started having feelings for Bokuto during this time, but didn't act on it in fear of losing him. But Bo blurted it out after he made Akaashi laugh while they ate at a restaurant after one of his games.

You fell in love with their love. You always knew Bokuto had a soft spot for Akaashi, even in high school. But you never thought he'd be the first one to admit to his feelings. Though it makes sense that he blurted it out. A simpleton really, if he feels it then he says it.

As the days went by, you would get a bit more excited when it neared to your schedule lunch date with Akaashi. It was nice to talk about other stuff other than volleyball. You loved the sport of course, but your life wasn’t centered around it like Kageyama had. And Akaashi understood that and had stories that didn’t involve the sport. It was a breath of fresh air.

When you heard that they’d be joining the Japanese Olympic team, you couldn’t help but feel even more excited. This would mean you get to spend more time with Akaashi and even bother Kuroo, who was the promoter, at the same time. It’d be a reunion! 

During their practice, you’d go with Tobio and then dismiss yourself in rush to catch up with Akaashi as he wished Bo good luck. You were smiling more and thinking less of how lonely you felt because you had best of both worlds. 

After coming home from practice, Kageyama took a quick shower while you settled by the window to read a book. When he walked out of the restroom, he stared at you. 

Kageyama noticed your shift. As much as he loved seeing your smile, something bothered him. You no longer sent messages throughout the day as he practiced, usually you send funny videos so he can watch during one of his breaks. You no longer tackled him in a hug whenever he came home, even if he was all sweaty. 

He felt guilty loving those habits, he knew you only did that because you missed him. He hated leaving you alone when practice started to get more serious. You always had a sad smile when he would wave goodbye. But now- 

He remembered Akaashi instantly when you brought him up. He used to look up to him as a setter in high school. He was friends with you way before you took an interest in Kageyama. But... was it possible that you had a crush on him? Did meeting up with him again spark up some old feelings?

Were you finally slipping through his fingers? Was he losing you because of his obsession with volleyball? You reassure him every now and then that it’s not something you’re scared of. You’d kiss him and explain how you understand that volleyball is untouchable and how loving you has nothing to do with it. 

He can’t let you slip... it’ll hurt. More than any physical injury. He wanted you to know that you’re untouchable too, that he can’t live with just having volleyball. He needed you too. But... if you wanted to leave... to be with someone who is always there... 

“You’re sulking, Tobio.” You point out without looking up from your book. He stayed by the doorway and turned his face away. He had been staring at you for quite some time now, it was like he was trying to get your attention without asking for it. 

“I am not,” he huffed and pouted. 

“Sure you are,” you said eyeing him, “what’s wrong?” 

He stayed quiet for a bit with his arms crossed over his chest. You smiled softly at his bothered state. It wasn’t often that he acted this way, all grumpy and quiet, but when he does you cant help but love every second of it. You learned to give him some time to respond or to find the right words to say. And he was still just wearing a towel over his waist with slight water droplets sliding off-

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Akaashi-kun.” Your eyes snapped back to the back of his head when he mumbled.

“Um, yeah I have...” you answered back a bit confused. You didn’t want to assume the direction of this conversation.

“It wasn’t a question,” he grumbled again. You lowered your book and gave him your full attention. 

“Well, it’s easy now-” he scoffed but you continued, “-with Bo being here and all.”

“Koutarou still talks to him?” 

You walked up to him and looked for any sign of ingenuity but found none. “Tobio, they live together.” 

“They’re roommates?” He asked even more confused and bothered. Why were you talking about their living arrangements?

“They live together just like how we live together, Tobio.” You said it with caution and softness but you had a smile that wanted to release your laughter. That’ll just anger him and distract him from the slow connection he’s making.

You instantly saw it in his eyes when he made that last connection, “Oh...” You kissed his slightly open lips to tease him and walked away. 

“Tobio, you play with Bokuto!” you call out.

“I don’t listen to their yapping!” You suddenly remember something from last week.

“We’re invited to their wedding!”

“What!” he exclaimed, “since when!?”

“Last week, Bo gave us their date and to look out for an invitation through the mail!”

He was more focused on how you were distancing yourself. He was focused on you, not his teammate’s rambling. 

“I didn’t know it was Akaashi he was marrying!” You laughed at his outbursts even more as he looked guilty. You didn’t want to bring up how he thought you were having an affair so maybe walking into the kitchen was your best chance. How could he be so oblivious and yet so observant over your slight change?

“Tobio,” you called out softly. He was sulking again but looked up at the command of your voice. He followed you and towered you as he looked down. He was beautiful. It warmed your heart. You touched his cheek and he rested right into your hand. 

Before you could make a comment he spoke quietly, “I’m not losing you, am I?” On instinct, your arms snaked around his neck pulling him down to hug you. You were never one to need reassurance, at least that’s what you liked to think. 

“I am yours, Tobio.” You answered, “I’ll always be yours.” 

“And I’m yours.” He hugged you back and lifted you up a bit trying to get closer as if it was possible. You were here and he was here... And Bokuto was marrying Akaashi. “Should I text Bokuto congratulations?”