#(whatever the point is 1 I wrote some today and 2 it's good to have a hobby that's entirely just for you whether you share it or not)

[runnning-outof-time]

I’m (Not) Alright with a Slow Burn | Tommy Shelby x Reader headcanons

Request: yes by anonymous

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader (headcanons)

Summary: How Tommy would go about being stuck in a slow burn with someone he's falling for.

Warnings: mention of death of grandmother, slight season 2 spoilers

Word Count: 2537

A/N: I really enjoyed this request! umm…I’m not sure if these are 100% written like headcanons - I wrote them like I was spewing out ideas lol. Kacey Musgraves’s song Slow Burn was also running through my head while I was writing this, hence the title. Also how the hell do you actually spell headcanons?? Is there 1 ‘n’ or 2?? Lol . Enjoy! :)

I’D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! - YOUR COMMENTS & REBLOGS HELP ME WRITE!

Comment/Message me if you want to be tagged!

• (Y/N) was one of the few Shelby Company Ltd. employees that Tommy didn't hire. She was brought on board while he and the boys were off at one of the races. Polly saw the potential in her and immediately welcomed her into the company.

• when Tommy returned from said races, he was pleasantly surprised to meet her.

• and Polly clocked that immediately. She was able to tell by the lack of a fight - Tommy was always able to find something to pick at when she made decisions within the company, no matter how minuscule. But there was nothing to pick at with (Y/N).

• Polly also wasn't surprised to see (Y/N) completing more and more tasks that came directly from Tommy. They'd be tasks that Polly hadn't even known about...but for some reason Tommy trusted (Y/N) with them.

• (Y/N) didn't think anything different about it. She'd been hired into the company and one of her bosses was asking her to do things. That's what was supposed to happen, right?

• although she did find it odd that it was Tommy asking her to do these things when she'd originally been hired to help Polly with sorting out the books and the like.

• things persisted like that for a few months. (Y/N) would happily and eagerly help him with whatever he needed to have done around the company. He'd look out for her, making sure that she was happy in her position and just in general. And in return, (Y/N) would (try) to keep up the same for him. She'd show that in the smallest of ways and attempts, but he would notice. Over those few months and because of those small acts, Tommy's thoughts and feelings towards (Y/N) evolved.

• he can still remember the day when that switch began - because it haunted him every day after.

• she came into his office like it was any other day for her...but it wasn't any other day for Tommy.

• he'd been working under Campbell for a few weeks at that point, and it'd become apparent that he'd be dead at the end of the arrangement. Tommy wasn't afraid to die, but the thought of getting everything in order and making sure his family could go on without him was now plaguing his mind.

• so when (Y/N) asked him what he had for her to do today, Tommy rattled off his list without as much as looking up at her. He was fully expecting her to turn and exit the second he finished speaking.

• she didn't. Silence reigned for a moment or two before "are you ok, Tommy?" came quietly from her. This made Tommy look up, and when he did, all of the noise in his mind ceased. Sure he looked at her before - he'd looked up like this thousands of times, but he never saw her like he did when he looked up this time. It was this otherworldly experience that he'd only been through twice before. Which meant he knew exactly what was happening.

• even though he brushed her question off and told her that he was fine, he hoped that things wouldn't change between them.

• and thankfully they didn't because hell, Tommy Shelby was certain that he was falling in love.

• he began testing the waters carefully at first. (Y/N) was a good woman and he wasn't about to make her leave the company due to his actions. He couldn't stand to lose her.

• so he started by making sure she was being heard; by actually listening to her whenever she'd share ideas or tell him how things played out with what he'd asked her to do.

• then he emphasized making sure that she was safe - having blinders on her block, sticking around on the days where she and Polly would be in the shop tallying the winnings, and also personally offering to take her wherever she needed to go.

• (Y/N) reacted bashfully to these offers. She felt that the other company employees would think that she was getting special treatment or something — well...she kind of was...but she deeply appreciated Tommy doing these things.

• in regards to feelings, Tommy was putting his out there as best as he could (which, well I'll let you be the one to decide on how well that is) He really tried to make a more personal connection with her; to get to know her as her and not just another employee...and in turn he let her know him.

• (Y/N) stayed professional. He was one of her bosses after all. But she couldn't deny that she enjoyed being in his presence. Her friends found that crazy, too...how can she be happy to be spending time with Tommy Shelby? She swore it off as strictly work related until she couldn't anymore.

• the evening started like any other...(Y/N) went home after work with the intention of doing what she did every other evening. But something was waiting for her at home. Something that turned her world upside-down. She found out that her grandmother had passed away. The post had come and one of the letters was from a sibling of hers, sharing the news. She didn't know what to do.

• after exhausting all of her options, she found herself at the Garrison. Tommy had invited her there in the past, but she never accepted it due to wanting to stay professional.

• she asked around for him and the second she found out that he was in the snug, she made her way to it and opened the door. He was in there, but so were his brothers. "This was the last place I could think of," she blurted out. "Everyone out," was all Tommy needed to say before it was just the two of them in the room.

• (Y/N) quickly sat and let everything out. Tommy listened intently, something no one had ever done for her in the past. They sat in the snug for hours, (Y/N) talking and Tommy listening. Her ability to share her grandmother's story helped her immensely.

• from that evening, (Y/N) saw Tommy in a different light. The fact that he sat and listened to her as she lamented to him and not once did he even think of leaving meant the world to her. No one had shown her that sort of worthiness or attention.

• all at once it felt like she was head over heels for him. Like all of those little instances he'd shown her before had all culminated into this one, major display of devotion. It had her realizing that maybe it wasn't solely because she was his employee...maybe it was much more than that.

• and so when he went out of his way and made sure to check on her the next morning - she knew this because Polly commented on the fact that he was supposed to be in London by sun-up - and he couldn't get him off of her mind no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't beat around the bush anymore...she'd fallen for Tommy Shelby, hard.

• but things didn't hit off right from that moment.

• no, it took a rather long time for those feelings to actually come out.

• there was a lot of dancing around the other - the smaller gestures and moments still occurred, but neither one was willing to make that jump over the edge and confront the other about it.

• yes, you read that right...Tommy Shelby was actually keeping his feelings for her close to the chest.

• mostly it was because of the position they were in. He'd offer to take her to dinner and she'd politely decline (even though she really wanted to go) because she was worried the other company employees would suspect something.

• Tommy wasn't exactly into the dancing around it (he hated it at times actually), but he honored her choice.

• but that doesn't mean he wasn't taking every chance he got to spend time around her. To check in on her and see how things were. To walk her home if she stayed later. Anything to show her that he was serious...without actually saying that he was serious.

• he was hooked on her though, there was no doubt about it. All he needed was for her to really show that interest back to him, and then he'd know for sure that he could act on it.

• and then Polly's birthday came.

• the company/family decided to host a party at the Garrison. Of course (Y/N) was invited.

• a man named Louis was one of the men who worked the shop floor daily. He saw (Y/N) almost every day that she was also on the floor, and he made it a point to seek her out as well.

• much like with Tommy, (Y/N) kept things between her and Louis strictly professional.

• but this party is when Louis decided that he was going to make his move...to try and woo her.

• maybe he should have thought this through...

• (Y/N) was sitting at one of the tables, chatting with some of the other women who worked within the company. It was a surprise that she wasn't with Tommy, considering he sought her out almost immediately after she arrived. But Tommy was still present though.

• Louis had this plan to put everything right on the table. He smoothly walked over to her and, equally as smoothly, slipped into the booth that she was sitting in. (Y/N) was polite, but it was obvious that she wasn't feeding any more into it than a simple, friendly conversation.

• but of course Tommy didn't pick up on that. From where he was standing it looked like Louis was a little too close to her for comfort. So he quickly intervened.

• and he was anything but subtle with it. He was quickly able to make Louis feel uneasy and clear him out.

• (Y/N)'s confused, but happy to have the man she'd hardly talked to gone. She sends Tommy an appreciative smile and that's just about enough to bring Tommy to his knees. But that doesn't happen...instead he gives her one of his signature, lop-sided smiles and nods at the ladies sitting with her before going back to where he previously was.

• this interaction didn't go unnoticed though. Polly and Ada were watching from off to the side. These two know Tommy better than anyone, and they've rarely seen him react this quickly and in this sort of way. So it's glaringly apparent to them that something's going on here.

• and this becomes increasingly apparent as time goes on.

• also as time goes on, (Y/N) manages to move up in the company. She's basically right underneath Polly in terms of power, becoming her 'right hand man’ in the treasurer position.

• having this position means that she's more involved in the inner circle and is at all of the meetings.

• the entire family swears by the fact that Tommy is softer with her than he is with anyone else.

• you can literally see the change the second she shares her thoughts on a matter or even enters a room. The switch is practically on a dime.

• but these two keep dancing around each other - they've been doing it for close to a year at this point.

• and those who know of it are baffled. They are obviously in love with each other...why hasn't one budged and made things official?

• the suspicions on this topic all come to a climax on the first year anniversary of (Y/N) joining the company.

• Tommy invites her out to dinner. (Y/N) agrees this time mostly because she knows what day it is...and she knows that the Shelbys like to celebrate such things.

• but she's surprised when she arrives at the upscale restaurant and is escorted to a table for two. Tommy can't help but smile at the face she pulls when she sees that he's sitting there, waiting for her.

• but she gets comfortable very quickly. It's Tommy we're talking about here...she's never been more comfortable with anyone in her life if she was being honest. And the same goes for him too.

• the dinner lasts hours. They talk about everything and anything. Work's off the table, but yet they still manage to not have more than a moment of silence. Both are surprised at how freely the conversation flows.

• eventually Tommy brings up the subject they've been dancing around.

• he lays everything out on the table this time. There's no sense in holding back. He tells her how she makes him feel, how she's made him feel from the moment he first saw her.

• he also mentions the fact that he's felt this way for a while now, and that he can't continue dancing around it any longer. He honored her desire to stay professional for this time, but he wants her too much, loves her too much to keep going like this for even a day longer.

• at first (Y/N)'s shocked. She's not oblivious...she'd been catching the little hints that he'd been leaving all this time, but she was truthfully too hesitant to ever bring the subject up to him.

• but now that he's put it out there, she figures why should she hold back her feelings any longer?

• so she lays it all out for him as well. Tells him how she feels about him, how she's felt about him for some time now.

• Tommy can't contain his happiness as he hears this. He's grinning like a fool.

• so really there's only one last thing for them to do now...make it official.

• Tommy wastes no time in doing that.

• he asks her properly though. That's what she deserves, especially after all this time that's been invested.

• he stops them just down the road from where she lives. He tells her that he really likes her (he won't use the 'l word' just yet - even though the two of them are so clearly in love) and that he can't wait a moment longer to make her his.

• (Y/N) quickly agrees with the sentiment after everything that had been shared during their dinner.

• Tommy can't help but smile at her response, and he just barely nods his head in his Tommy fashion before continuing to walk her home.

• they share their first kiss at the front door, and it's absolutely magical.

• they then proceed to do a terrible job of hiding it while at work. Tommy's waited this long to be with her, he's not going hide his affection for her any longer.

• their definition of 'in secret' is soooo far from the actual definition. They think that they're being sneaky, only stealing kisses in empty hallways and in Tommy's office, but it takes Polly literally only two days to catch onto it.

• no ones upset with it though. Honestly everyone’s happy that they’re finally together.

• well everyone except Louis…Louis is a little bummed about the whole thing. But Tommy and (Y/N) don’t care about that in the slightest.

Tagged: @mystcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @theshelbyslimited @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @emotionalcadaver @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @cillmequick @dandelionprints @letal-y-poetica @garrison-girl-08 @insanitybyanothername @depxiety @raincoffeeandfandoms @dragons-are-my-favorite @forgottenpeakywriter @cljordan-imperium @brummiereader @red-riding-wood @everythingelseisextra @little-diable @thomashelbyswife @shaddixlife

MASTERLIST

[balioc]

Oh, boy! It's Education Theory o'Clock again!

...I have a lot of thoughts on this topic. At some point, when I'm less busy and tired, I should probably try to write them up. Natively, I'm one of the school-is-a-nightmare-prison people, like so many others in this little discourse-sphere -- but I'm married to a middle school teacher, so I regularly encounter both the good arguments from the other side and the facts on the ground, and those things have altered my perspective somewhat.

But I am, in fact, busy and tired. So for now I'll just content myself with saying:

School is an institution that serves many, many, many purposes at the same time. A lot of those purposes are load-bearingly important. (A couple of years ago, I wrote this about college, and...it's double-plus true for primary and secondary schools.) If you don't try to account for all of that stuff in your theory of What School Is and How School Works, you will generate incoherent garbage thoughts. If you have a New Concept for school entailing top-down design that is optimized for a single function (like "increasing test scores" or "causing kids to love learning" or whatever), you'd better have a plan for how you're going to do all the other important things that schools do. And even if you think that some of those things aren't actually important or necessary, you'd better have a plan for dealing with all the people who disagree. Because...

-----

...school, as it exists today, is an inherently political institution. Both in the "soft" sense that everyone has strong opinions about what it's supposed to do and how it's supposed to work, and in the "hard" sense that it is actually controlled by democratically-accountable governments. (This is double-plus true in the US, where it is controlled by local governments, and therefore doesn't even have the protective insulation of a massive bureaucracy.) Everything about the way schools work is a compromise brokered amongst ideologues and self-dealers. Everything about the way schools work involves a lot of decision-makers trying not to get yelled at by the yelliest people around. If you're looking for elegant purpose-driven top-down design, you won't find it. You could probably make a case that any elegant purpose-driven top-down design would be better than the thing we actually have, but getting there would require finding a way to remove the political element.

-----

Most importantly: public schools are (1) compulsory, (2) universal, and (3) for children. [People who are legally children, anyway, whether or not they are actual children in whatever sense matters to you.]

This means that they cannot let students leave, and they have to keep control of all the students that they aren't allowing to leave.

In the most literal not-a-judgment-but-a-fact sense, they are indeed prisons. They are coercively keeping people inside. They have to do that thing, as per their most fundamental mandate within the current system. The alternatives involve letting kids run around unsupervised, and/or failing to give some kids even the most cursory kind of education, and those things are absolute non-starters under present conditions.

All the normal institutions-for-adults operate on the principle of -- If you really don't want to be here, you can leave, and deal with whatever consequences there may be for leaving. This is not an option for schools, and that fact accounts for...everything.

Classroom structure is built around the necessity of keeping the most-hostile, least-engaged student in the class present and supervised, and then trying to prevent him from disrupting things for everyone else. Because the obvious solution that any other institution would use -- "just cut him loose, he doesn't want to be here and we don't want him here" -- isn't available.

(I once talked to my wife about the rationed bathroom access thing, which is one of the most flagrant nightmare-prison aspects of the school experience. Her response was, "If you let kids use the bathroom whenever they want, as much as they want, then you don't have mandatory universal education anymore. Some of them will never return to the classroom, because they don't want to be there." Which is...obviously true.)

So you have something that replicates many of the features of prison, because it has to accomplish the same basic tasks that prison accomplishes. Yay, Foucault.

[batboyblog]

hey thanks for not being super doomer over these anti-trans bills. i kept on seeing so many people being defeated over them and it messed up my mental health for a while, like nothing could be done. but you did bring up some good points and shed some light onto people who are actively fighting for us so i thank you again

The queer movement, in the US any ways, has always been cyclical, we make big gains and push forward, then there's a super scary backlash. We're right now at the hight of a really scary backlash thats focused on trans people in particular but is anti-queer more generally. It's intense but its important to remember these backlashes don't generally last very long, they are scary, but each time they've happened, the mid to late 1970s, the 1980s, the early 2000s, the tide has gone out and gay rights, LGBT rights, and society's acceptance of LGBT people has been farther along than before they have never ever managed to turn us back in the years since Stonewall.

And as intense and scary as this is in some ways it's better than last time, when I was a gay teenager. in those days... in 2004 and 2008 the Democrats running for President were uniformly against gay marriage (the big issue of that time) they were trying to get us to settle for the not marriage alternative of civil unions. Only a handful of Congresspeople (some of them gay themselves) in DEEP! blue districts dared to support gay marriage outright. Today the Democratic Party is the most pro-LGBT major political party in the world, you had the President and every Democrat of any note making statements for TDOV a few days ago and you're not seeing even red state Democrats back down and agree to be "a little transphobic" for votes. It felt a lot more lonely last time when it was us and a handful of allies fighting the backlash with most of the Democratic Party on the side lines handwringing and saying "well can't you wait?"

any ways this movement is and will always be a struggle, the rights we've won, the acceptance we've received has never just been given, it's been won, through hard work. Everyone has to dedicate themselves to work in their corner of the earth to the best of their abilities and to push themselves past what they think they can do. That means hooking up with LGBT rights groups on the ground to protest, to rally, to try to support and comfort those queer people who are down and out in whatever way right now, it means digging deep and having hard and awkward conversations with the people in your life, if you're gay or trans or whatever and you got that one aunt/uncle/cousin/whoever in your life that loves you to bits but you know still votes Republican and you just don't bring it up because you don't want to hurt the relationship... have the talk keep having the talk as many times as you need to. Tell your grandparents if they don't know, tell your parents (if its safe or if you don't need their money any more) tell co-workers who don't know etc, they vote for us 2 to 1 if they know they know one of us. Finally register to vote, make sure all your friends particularly if you're young are registered and vote, vote in every election. Trust me it's AMAZINGLY easy to find the email of candidates for school board or city council and it's amazingly easy to ask questions. Last election I emailed every school board candidate about Holocaust education, and the state rep candidate about trans rights, she wrote me back a lovely note and mailed be a sticker she'd picked up from a trans rights group. It's amazingly easy to get involved, I volunteered with my local democrats for one election and they offered me the #3 spot in their local party, I have the phone numbers of my state rep and state senator without trying really, you can get in the room with these people, with candidates for governor, congress, I have my picture with 3 US Presidents? its not hard to do, and you can use chances like that to talk to them and show them your humanity and leave an impression that really matters in the long run.

sorry to RAMBLE but it's important that everyone do their part, pick a little something, a project to push this thing forward, people doom scrolling, particularly posting about how its hopeless does not help, posting in general doesn't help much even if its not doomerism, I think in the years after the anti-gay marriage Bush backlash we got very online and we got very "progress just happens" and a lot of people fell out of the habit or came of age without the habit of protest and without a local queer community or local progressive community and its very important in the face of this to find or build those and also understand in some places its gonna be years of work to get where we want to go, but we will and it'll be worth all the work.

[ryik-the-writer]

No one:

Me: You know who would have been better as Belle's infidelity partner than Will Scarlet? Jefferson.

Before I begin, THIS IS NOT A BELLE HATE POST! Yes, I am going to address IT, but I am not putting her down for this...and I'll tell you why.

So after that god-freaking-awful twist in 4x11 when Belle sends Rumple over the town line, both he and Belle are left shattered at their dubious betrayals, the latter of which so much so she sought additional comfort (again, not hate, just hear me out).

That love interest ... for whatever reason ... was Will Scarlet, a cameo from Once Upon a Time's short-lived spin-off OUAT in Wonderland, which had ended a few months prior.

I, along with a good chunk of the fanbase, thought it was a unique choice, and most likely a way to acknowledge the spin-off in canon.

Don't get me wrong, I like Will as a character in OUATIW, but he was just off to me in OUAT. Like he was just shoved in there without a real purpose. Even his scenes with Robin Hood felt forced to me.

And honestly, it seemed strange to me that Belle, the logical scholar and fruitful romantic, would break her wedding vows of all things even after what Rumple did.

BUT THEN AGAIN, I also don't think it's established how intensive wedding vows are in this universe. I mean, Snow technically cheated on David with Dr. Whale, and while it's addressed comedically, it's not really addressed as an issue in their marriage but they comfortably move on from none the less.

Of course, it's obviously just the show's weakest attempt at *drama* and a way to baffle the Rumbellers into stunned silence so they can focus on *other things* (I am NOT going THERE today.)

And I think I remember an article or something about Will's actor's Michael Socha, feeling underused and wanting out especially since he had a kid at home. While he has a few zingers between him and other characters like Rumple and Hook, he looks so awkward when he's on-screen with Belle, like even he doesn't know why he's there!

But for the sake of *drama* Belle needs some side yum. Cool. Girl's gotta work out her frustrations some way right? But WILL SCARLET?!

This Will Scarlet?

"I love you Anastasia Tremaine" Will Scarlet?

Who ripped his heart out because her betrayal was just too much?

For freaking sake, they had a TLK!!!

I will only, and I mean ONLY accept the following two theories as a reason why...this happened...

1. This takes place during Will and Anastasia's break.

It's established in the OUATIW that the events in the spinoff are happening sometime in either late-season 1 or early season 2's canon. I think. But maybe, just maybe, it was actually around season 4's timeline? The timeline is screwed to hell anyway so...

Ana's presence is established in OUAT after Will, who broke into the library and vandalized a copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, is arrested and held indefinitely. And while Will looks distraught at the mention of his former love, but he's not devastated enough

The scene subsequently serves as a pointless but sweet way to introduce Belle and Will. I myself wrote a fic few years back as a way to fill in how that played out afterwards. But the actual writers just kind of tossed it in there.

And dropped it.

Yeah, WIll just kind of disappeared after season 4. Thanks for stopping by, I guess.

And btw, you cannot convince me that a guy who reacts like this after watching the love of his life get killed in front of him:

Like I kid you not, Will's screams and cries were stuck in my head after that episode. I gasped and covered my mouth. I remember feeling the same way when Graham died in OUAT because Emma's grief was just as raw as this. This is not the kind of grief you just up and move on with so casually. This sticks with you.

BACK TO JEFFERSON

Okay, I swear, I have a point.

Again, if Belle just *needed* a love interest during her break from Rumple, fine, but why not use the opportunity to do some freaking fan service after that Frozen mess?

Bring. Back. The. Hatter.

Why Jefferson?

He has an established relationship with Belle.

Even if the ugly truth is Jefferson had to know Belle was being held captive in the hospital asylum, Belle would still, begrudgingly, be grateful he freed her and reunited her with Rumplestiltskin. Maybe he tried apologizing with coffee, and...things happen.

Plus he has an established relationship with Rumplestiltskin PRIOR to Belle.

No. You cannot tell me these two:

...were just "business associates". No these two were hitting shroons in Wonderland every Tuesday at happy hour, do I make myself clear? It's obvious they weren't friends but they worked well together.

That scene in the shop would have been BANGER if Jefferson had been in Will's place. I mean the possibilities are endless with their establishment. They could have opened up an opportunity to explore more of Rumple's deals with Jefferson to find a way to the Land Without Magic, or even their shared connection with Regina, established, beloved connections in the series the audience would be comfortable with.

And honestly, I think Belle and Jefferson could have very nice chemistry too.

Their both worldly, and I can see these two sitting at a booth in Granny's forever as Jefferson told her her stories about his travels, maybe even a few tales about his deal and possible friendship with Rumplestiltskin. And maybe he helps her heal a bit.

That scene in 4x12 where Belle and Hook talk about Rumple really rubbed me the wrong way. What Rumple did to Belle and, yes, even Hook, was awful, but Hook never had to answer for his part in Rumple's decline. What did he think would happen if he threatened to blackmail him with Belle of all people?

Not to mention, Belle and Grace would have gotten along so well.

At this point in the series, Grace is a young teenager, and could possibly use a female presence. She like Henry, would probably understand that her father needs more companionship and would support their relationship. And it would be great foreshadowing to Belle's own relationship with her child later on. And Belle LOVES kids and could have formed a very promising bond with Grace. Regardless on how her relationship with Jefferson could have ended, Belle would have this girl over for sleepovers every week.

[noir-drabbles]

Drafts 1

Summary: Just an unfinished solo writing thing while playing Iron Valley. Basically it was just me testing out what it is I wanted, trying to create my own setting and characters, but then my brain got bored of it. So, I figured I may as well dump it here.

(I said I was going to start dumping my drafts here and I am going to commit to it. Drafts will be half actual prose writing and rambles on the side because I want people to enjoy the ideas and characters I have in my head. Hope this is fun!)

(Oh yeah, here's the link to the game I was playing. Lot of reading but it's easy to start and understand. Really does test out one's creative muscles.)

Today’s Spring pick for the Luminariae Post is as follows:

When a new branch grows, I always worry for what it may carry. The bark upon the trunk is many years old and yet it still insists on growing new leaves, new buds, and new fruits. A large and wise old tree, and yet it didn’t know age. It didn’t know where it should draw its limits. It simply grew and produced, as it always has, even when the threat of disease was always there.

But I’m not scornful. I’ll simply grab my polished clippers and snap off whatever rot has caught onto the leaves, onto the branches. I’ll eat the fruit it gives me, and carve a flute out of the wood I snipped off.

I’ve been there when you were young, when each new leaf would make me dance in the mud because I keep forgetting not to over water you. When your fruits would spawn out of seemingly nowhere, like your love for the world could not be contained, so you had to give it back as much and as fast as you could.

You’ve long outgrown me. I can’t even climb up to the very top of you as I once used to with my own little sister. You could still support me, but the youth in your new branches are not what they used to be. And yet, you still try and grow just as much fruit as you can, even when it’s no longer anything anyone can eat.

You’re just an old fool. You and I are two of a kind. And that it why you will always be one of my dearest friends.

And every day, I thank you for being who you are.

– Carmen

Heyo, author Noir here. So, the idea I had for this little segment is that every start of the new season, the Luminariae Post would post a submission that was sent to them by one of the residents in this small town of Arbor Hills. Typically they pick submissions that have something to do with the current season, or just a general connection to nature that can be connected to said season. It's also meant for the regular folk to take a peek into a small part of that resident that wrote the piece. Just fluff writing things.

Oh, and Carmen is a big ol dragon man, the one that basically provides the Reader with a house and a job, a nice bouncing point since the Reader starts off with literally nothing, not even clothes. He's a nice man, good roommate and clearly misses having other people live in his house. There's this big tree that the whole town pays their respects towards because of the sheer size and reach of its roots. In fact, most of the plants and trees you find often end up connecting their roots to that big tree, as it provides nutrients to said plants, leading to them weathering even the toughest of disasters. Rumor has it that Carmen was the one that planted that tree when it was a sapling, but that's just a rumor.

Spring 2

Time: [0/4]

| Forecast: Sunny | Luck: Neutral | Lucky Color: Lemon |

“Did you hear? Apparently our dear local baker has been in need of a new recipe to put as a potential special.”

“Oh? Which one? Is it that sweetie Ivory or that nutty Obsidian?”

“Don’t be mean Martha. But it is nutty Obsidian. Apparently he’s going a little crazy from lack of inspiration and just wants something new to really make his day pop from grays to happy pinks.”

“Hehehe, well in that case, you think he’ll want to try out some of my homemade cookies? Maybe that’ll perk him right up and get his head out of the pizza oven ashes?”

“Bleh, if you want to kill him… But yes, let’s. I’ll be the merciful one and bring him some of my delicious tea.”

“Let’s poison him together, Lily.”

The idea I had here is basically a cutscene being played out every day, where a couple of characters do something or have a conversation that implies a very long request. The town bulletin is still a thing, but those quests will end up being pretty short. The short requests do change often, I'd say once every two days, while the longer requests are more persistent, changing once every five days. Obsidian is basically this mad scientist-like baker that loves to go crazy with the designs and flavors of his baked goods. And, well, he's prone to losing inspiration and just wants something to get that flow going. He's a pretty intense cosmic star dude, the kind of energy that easy to be overwhelmed with. He has a sister named Ivory who helps out in the bakery, but is mostly found working with wood as the local carpenter. She's not gentle, she has that quiet intensity about her, and is just as wacky with her woods craft. She will get the request done, and will probably add some else to it. A weird feature that you probably won't notice until you accidentally activate it. Like a table that can convert itself into a suit of wood armor. You never know with these two.

Oh, and I have no clue who Martha and Lily are. Just that they're best friends who love to gossip, and were once very competitive rivals in school before someone tried to accuse them of cheating so they'd be unable to participate in theater. Yeah, those two were theater kids, and their rivalry, for the most part, was a fun exaggerated thing on their part that got a liiiiittle too real, but they're good now. They're middle-aged and married to their respective spouses.

“You doing alright?”

You snapped out of your reverie by a rumbling voice that’s not quite meant to overpower the general noise, so much as it should rumble underneath one’s feet.

You didn’t look at Carmen. You looked at his horns instead, all scratched up and chipped at in all their ridged and curling glory. It’s hard to look at him in the eyes. They aren’t particularly piercing, they’re just filled with a love for the world around him. A gentle and boundless love that he’s willing to share with you, a fellow roommate but a stranger still.

It’s… a lot. Too much. But it’s fine. He’s good and nice. He makes you all those warm and filling meals, and lets you take up a room in his house. You had nowhere else to go, but he gave you a hand anyway.

So, are you doing alright? He did ask.

You hummed out a yes. Because words would be too much in all this noise. The sensation of your throat rumbling, of moving your lips and making a conscious effort not to stutter. You’re already a little on edge as is.

“Hmm,” he copied your tone, though you didn’t know if that meant he believed you or not, “I know there’s a lot of little noises, but a small outing like this is good. It is something to get used to, that’s for certain.”

It’s… yeah, he’s right. It is a lot. Carmen’s farm isn’t exactly all the quiet either, with all the cows, chickens and bees he has, but there’s a different quality to the noise of people. It’s a… a rhythm, of sorts. The livestock back home are always keeping out a listening ear to the nature around them, so their own noises follow that beat, usually. But people… don’t really care, nor can they truly listen.

The rhythm isn’t bad, in the sense that it’s wrong and that people should pay more attention. It’s just… different. Absorbed in their own little pocket of time. And those pockets just, overlap in your ears.

You’ll probably get used to it, in the same way you got used to Carmen when you first woke up to his face looming right over under the arbor. It was an adjustment. The man’s over seven feet tall with a broad frame to fit, built over the years from heavy farm work. But, you suppose that’s the average height of all dragons. Well, his specific branch of dragon anyway. You don’t know any other dragon.

You nodded and let your eyes wander over the sparse crowd around you, to the area you’re both sitting on a bench in.

The village’s center, built around a pretty fountain that’s filled with little seashells, all in various pastel colors of white, blue and pink. One little kid in white sandals had to lay her belly on the ledge of the fountain just to reach in and drop her shell. Her little transparent wings fluttered with her excitement, dropping flecks of pink dust here and there.

A water spout spat right up her nose and the little fairy girl snorted then gave a big powerful sneeze. She launched herself right into the air. Luckily, before you or Carmen could rush right over, her father was right there to catch her.

Chuckling, her fairy father said, “I got a precious gift from the heavens!”

“No!” She yelled, raising her arms high like claws, “I am your worst nightmare! I eat your dreams and your banana splits!”

He gasped, “A monster! Oh no!”

She kicked her feet and lost a sandal in her giggles.

You jumped when Carmen gave chuckles of his own. The sheer volume of his voice never ceases to surprise you, that his happiness can be something so… loud? Strong? It’s solid. Which is kind of dumb now that you think about it. You’ve seen him lift an entire tree trunk with his arms and shoulder alone. It shouldn’t be shocking at all to find that his laugh has just as much power behind it.

But it is, because he would always bend down just so people could hear him. He didn’t like raising his voice just as much as he hated going into the details of his private life.

And with a flinch, Carmen realized as much. He looked to the side, scratched the back of his neck, and sighed out, “Sorry.”

Did you look bug-eyed? You probably did.

You shook your head at Carmen. He doesn’t need to apologize to you. It’s not his fault that you’re easily startled. Besides, he’s the one going out of his way to get you situated in this place. He didn’t have to do it, but he did anyway.

He nodded to you then hovered a hand right over your shoulder. He stopped, waited, and when you shifted closer, he patted you. The weight and strength of his bones alone almost made your joint creak.

“I’ll be going on ahead. I need to buy some things for the gardening day this week.” Carmen reached into his pocket and took out a few notes that you don’t really need. He pays you plenty for your services, but saying no to him–especially when he wants to spoil or be nice–just leaves a sour taste in your mouth. He stuffed them in your hands. “Go around, explore. Or relax by the community garden if you’d like. I’ll be by Peach’s place for the most part. I won’t go home unless you want to, okay?”

Ah, here it is, the big send off. You can’t really complain since you asked for this kind of time for yourself, but augh… It’s difficult all the same. You’ve been here for the better part of one year and you’ve yet to make a single friend. You haven’t really been trying, to be perfectly honest. Whenever you go out into the village on your moped, you’re strictly in working mode, schedule and time all planned out. Whenever people would try and talk to you during those hours, you get antsy and anxious.

You hate being off schedule. On top of that, if you weren’t working, you were around Carmen all the time. He’s a friendly and well known face. It’s only natural for people to gravitate towards him rather than you, especially when you would rather hide in his shadow than look at anyone.

You weren’t trying to make friends. Everything was just too unfamiliar for you to do that, or even think of it. And nobody pushed you to do that. In a way, you’re grateful for that, that the people here left you alone for the most part. A nice respect of your time and attention. They made attempts to talk to you, certainly, but that was about where the pushiness ended.

And, now, you’re calmer-ish. You can take the time and try.

You can go anywhere and make a friend.

…

Augh, you still can’t talk. Words just really don’t want to come out.

Well, baby steps, baby steps.

Carmen has since left you to yourself, with money in your hands. A nice sizable amount. Can’t buy a microwave with it, but you can grab a while feast of pastries if you wanted to.

…you know what? That sounds like a good idea. Having something to munch on while trying to make a friend would help calm you down some. Besides, a lot of people frequent the bakery. Surely you’ll be able to find someone who wants to befriend you.

That and you’ve heard of the gossip between those two women over there. Apparently the local baker needs some help. You don’t have any ideas, but maybe you’ll come up with something by the time you get there?

The crowd didn’t really get any thinner as you walked down the white stone path. Lots of people were gathered in small packs, but they were polite enough to shift slightly out of your way. You followed the scent of bread and soon enough found yourself inside the cozy atmosphere of a bakery.

Honestly, it seemed more like a home than it did a bakery, which makes sense since it looked like a store/home hybrid from the outside. But, rather than a home that seeks to hide emptiness with store bought furniture the owner vaguely likes, each table, chair and even the frame of the mirrors in this place were clearly handmade.

It was small though, and all the furniture had people either gathering or sitting on it. There wasn’t anywhere you could just pick and sit down for an hour or two while you mindlessly pick at your pastry and watch the people go by.

A healthy routine makes for a good base for potential friendships. At least that’s how Carmen puts it. You’re not sure if it’s true, but you may as well try, right?

You walk to the back of the line and wait. At the front, behind the register was someone that you can only describe as a galactic black hole. The white light that makes up what you think is hair slowly swirls around in a clock-wise motion, collecting light like a vent does smoke as it slowly gathers in some dark center you can’t make out. The white light hair fades into a dark shadow dappled with white little star pinpricks, doing nothing to to take away from the bright eyes that look around this way and that.

This person had no mouth to speak of as he nodded and packaged a new box of pan dulce. It’s interesting to you, watching the way their body never quite stabilized into something truly solid, but it was enough for his clothes to hang on. He didn’t have a uniform, it was just a set of comfy billowing clothes that had little tears and big patches over what was probably holes.

His form stretched up, bending in ways a shadow would as he gave the box to the person waiting in line.

“You wanted a surprise and a surprise is what you’ll get!”

Aaaand this is where I lost my steam, and I had a pretty good pace going too.

Reader is basically this dryad person that was born from the big tree(of which I have yet to name, eh) and as such, has little to no knowledge of many things beyond the general basics. Socializing is obviously not their thing. Many of the towns people just think they're a traveler from afar that suffers from amnesia, but since nobody witnesses the Reader coming out of the tree, it can't really be disputed that they're not a traveler.

There's a biblically accurate angel just, hanging out in Arbor Hills. He's the current master carpenter and boss of Ivory. He spends most of his time sleeping, and in the rare times one manages to make a request to him, you can be sure that whatever furniture he makes will never break, and will even have a little buff to them.

The angel's name is Peach, because someone called him "an absolute peach." With the last name Angel for the sake of simplicity. No matter how you poke and prod at him, you can't get details about his past, you'll just get references about how empty of an existence he was living before coming here. Now he can dream all he likes.

There's a tradition at the start of a new year to share stories you may have or have written. Arbor Hills is all about communal story crafting, so often the whole town will come together to either craft a new fairy tale, or add on to another existing tale. The only rule is that it has to have at least one true event in there, or be based on a true event. So you could have witnessed a bug trip over grass and flip itself over and craft a tale about a malicious weed that seeks to grow and prank all the bugs that nipped at it. That kind of thing. So, one of the Promises is to get ideas and make a story before Spring 1 rolls around. There are usually two groups, one group that's full of people that have written their stories on their own, and the other group that shares their ideas for a group story making session. Perfection is not expected. Just have fun. And if you don't want to make a story, just be a listening ear.

There's also another tradition where, after reaching a certain age, kiddos go to the community garden to pick out a seed they like and plant it somewhere in the town. This tradition does stretch out beyond just for the kids, you can do this as a new adult, or when you reach a huge milestone in your life. Don't worry about having to take incredible care of it, these seeds are magical and are often deeply connected to you. They grow as you grow, and if they get sick, you can be assured that they'll be taken care of by the garden spirits of the forest.

There aren't many dragons to be found. There be different types of dragons, but their lifespan varies quite a bit between them.

Same for the dryad. There's nobody else quite like you, and if there is, they're usually no bigger than the size of your palm. Tiny, squeaky things.

I know I have more things sitting in the brain, but I need to prodded at to really remember. So, if you want to poke at my brain, be my guest!

[chellesdump]

Mrs. Spider - School Meal Club

"DaChaeTzu decided to spend the afternoon outside in the backyard playing any games that came to mind, but when Chae found something that caught her eye they decided to take it inside the house when they were called at lunchtime, during naptime Dahyun decided to keep it on her bed with her but soon their Mama found their newest acquisition and made them put it back outside since she almost suffered a heart attack"

word count ─ 1.2k

tags ─ little! school meal club, baby! tzu, baby! chaeng, toddler! dubu, mommy! jeong, mama! nay, autumn, backyard, crawly critters, bugs, spider

notes ─ This is for the Spider prompt, if we are talking about bugs we know Dubu has to be present. I wrote this in record time, today I spent a good portion of my afternoon-evening at my nibbling’s birthday party, so I only had so little time to write it but as always I don't feel good if I don’t write the prompt for the day. Please enjoy :3

After they had finished eating their breakfast the girls wanted to go out and play in their backyard, Mommy had promised they could go and play there if the weather wasn’t that cold, so they let her know “Go pway now p’ease?” asked Chae looking over where their eommas were sitting, “It’s cold outside if you go out then you will get sick” informed their Mama with an apologetic face. 

ChaeTzu started pouting since they really wanted to go out and play, their eommas were suggesting different activities that they could do inside, thankfully Dahyun the savior came to the rescue, “But Mommy said if not too cold, we could pway” debated Dub, “an’ Sana unnie teach me to know if too cold or no. Here say 2 an’ 3 which means no too cold”. 

“And exactly when it’s too cold?” asked Mama, “Mommy say start wif’ 1 no go out” responded Dubu, "Pway now?" asked Tzu with hopeful eyes, with a sigh and an accusatory look their Mama told them that they could go out and play, but first they needed to get out of their pajamas.

The adults helped the babies get into warm but comfy clothes so they could run to their heart's content, while the kids played in the backyard the adults would be watching tv in the living room to be close enough.

The first thing they did was gather the fallen leaves into a big pile and jump into it, they repeated the action several times until they got tired of it, then they decided to play on the playset that Mommy with the help of Hyo had built. Climbing, sliding and swinging they spent a good portion of their morning playtime in there, they played as if they were a dragon, princess and a knight, making up stories about why the princess was traped in the tower, or why the dragon wasn´t really bad, even about how the knight wasn’t really brave.

That was until their attention shifted elsewhere, Chaeng got distracted by something hanging from one of the playset’s supports, it was a tiny black thing that was making beautiful patterns with some translucent string, and being the art lover she is, watching the little critter was entrancing. Soon she was joined by her sisters that were looking for her, they didn’t understand what she was doing instead of playing with them, “What doing?” asked Tzu looking the same direction as Chae but having no luck locating whatever caught her sister's attention, Dubu also wanted to know so she repeated the question, “Chaengie what you looking?".

Putting a finger to her lips she pointed with her other hand to where the little creature kept making art for it’s audience, and whispered “Wook, pwetty” - if this was a comic you would be able to watch the shimmer on Chaengie’s eyes at the greatness of it -, finally DaTzu could watch the same thing as their middle sister. After watching it for a few minutes they could understand why Chaeng was so focused on it, “What that?” questioned Tzu trying to know what was the name of the creature that was capable of doing such art, using her unnie knowledge Dub answered, “Is a spider, I has a book ‘bout it”.

After her sisters' insistence, Dahyun went inside to fetch her book about bugs to read all the facts about the majestic spider, when she came back with it they sat under the cobweb to read all about their new friend, stopping to inform it about what they were reading, Dubu was thankful for her sister insistence on telling the spider all about the latest facts they were learning since she wasn't a strong reader yet. But who could blame her, she was barely 3 years old and still had so much time to get better at reading, most of what she was telling her baby sisters was from her memories of Mommy or one of her unnies reading it to her.

Their quality time with their new friend was cut short when Mama called them inside to eat lunch, not wanting to part ways with it they put the spider inside a jar with little holes on the lid to allow it to breathe, and hid it in one of their hoodies to take it to their room later. Throughout lunch, they talked about the many stories they invented while playing, how they played in leaf piles, and how they were reading under the playset's shadow, leaving out all the information about their newest friend who was hiding inside Dahyun's hoodie.

Soon after they finished eating their eommas informed them about the fact that nap time had come along, without much fuss the babies made grabby hands asking to be carried over to their room, while Mama and Mommy diapered up the babies Dubu went to use the potty, not before hiding Mrs. Spider - that’s the name the girls decided for their friend - under her covers.

Once she was back her Mama helped her get into a Pull-Up since she was still accident-prone while sleeping, soon after Mommy came back with some milk, 1 bottle of banana milk for Tzu, 1 bottle of strawberry milk for Chaengie, and a sippy cup filled with chocolate milk for Hyunnie; while they drank their milk Mama and Mommy sang a lullaby for them, 2 lullabies later the three girls were asleep.

The adults had gone back to the living room to wait while the kids had their nap, but as soon as they reached their destination they remembered that they hadn’t taken the bottles - and sippy cup - back, and if they let them there it was almost a fact that they would spill over and soak the beds. Nayeon was the one tasked to retrieve them since Jeongyeon was the one who prepared them, she made quick action of picking them up and replacing them with pacifiers in the girls' mouths to avoid finger-sucking, but what she found Dahyun cuddling made her run from the room while screaming.

Back in the living room Jeong heard her girlfriend's screams and went to find her, they collided in the hallway where Nay clung to Jeong's shirt crying, when she was able to calm down Jeong asked what had happened, “Dahyun, she had a… a jar with a… a spider inside!! I swear its many eyes all were looking at me” cried out Nay, “She is cuddling the jar Jeongie!! “We can’t let her keep it!!” added Nay before hugging her girlfriend once again.

When nap time was over, they explained to the girls how they couldn't keep their new friend trapped in a jar inside the house, the girls made their discontent known at their decision, but once their Mama told them how Mrs. Spider would miss their family they let it out back in the backyard waving goodbye and telling it how it would be missed. 

And they promised not to bring anything inside before letting either Mommy or Mama know about it, to avoid Mama having a near heart attack again.

[boysplanetrecaps]

Boys Planet Eps 9-10 Recap: Say My Name

Hello, beautiful people! As you may know, I already wrote a recap/master post for episode 9, and another one for episode 10. This recap focuses just on the stuff that’s relevant to team “Say My Name” -- so their rehearsal period and their additional focus/footage in episode 9, as well as their rehearsal footage and performance in episode 10. Just say “read more” and all will be revealed.

The Trainees

Here’s a list of the trainees in this group, and their ages, along with their rank as of episode 8 and their two previous missions:

Sung Hanbin - 21 1 / Love Me Right/ Tomboy

Han Yu Jin  - 16 3/ Back Door / Law

Seok Matthew - 20 4/ Kill this Love / Love Killa

Kim Ji Woong -24 5 / Back Door / Love Killa

Yoo Seung Eon - 19 17 / Very Nice / Home

The First Rehearsal Segment

At 23:20, we endure the gut-churningly uncomfortable atmosphere at team Say My Name for a solid eight minutes.

The editing is really pushing the drama, by beginning in medias res, with Matthew saying “Really? If only I knew, I would’ve been better off to join team Switch. I feel like you guys are ditching me a bit.” Then, crying, he gets up and leaves the room. No one follows him. Sung Hanbin’s perfect face is hard to read -- a mixture of sadness and determination.

WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED? 

We jump back in time to find out. The team is having their first rehearsal after T h e G r e a t R e s h u f f l i n g, and they need to redistribute parts. 

The team agrees that Yujin should keep the Killing Part -- Kim JiWoong says that Yujin would look yeppo (pretty) in the part. 

(Side note: They mention that Ollie was the other one with the Killing Part -- I’m sure the team never had the plan to let him keep it. Poor Ollie. He would have done great with it, for what it’s worth.)

The bigger battle is, who will be main vocal? Yoo Seung Eon, the titanium voiced cutie pie, says: “The main vocalist of this song should lead the choreography rather than showing off vocal skills. I think it’s about getting the feel right. I think Hanbin should be the main vocalist.”

Let’s take some time to let that sink in. Seung Eon, the lowest ranked on the team, whose major claim to fame, really his only claim to fame, is his voice, is giving up the main vocal part. And not just any main vocal part -- a main vocal part that is practically the killing part or center or whatever you want to call it. Why? For the good of the team. He interviews, “Of course I wanted the part. But I thought things would go smoothly if I just switch my position.” Aww! What a sweetheart.

So. Now, what part will he get? Does he want Sub-Vocal 1, with its 41 seconds of singing time?

That’s been Matthew’s position, and after a pause, Seung Eon says, “I think Matthew fits in that part well,” and agrees to take Sub Vocal 2. No one wants to have any more drama today, so the team decides to just go with it rather than have auditions or even discuss it further. 

In an interview, Matthew says, “I was thinking of asking [Seung Eon] if he wants to give [sub vocal 1 ] a try. But Sub-Vocal 1 is the part I wanted the most. I thought it’d be weird to tell him to go for it too.” Production asks, “Were you afraid he’d just take it?”  Matthew replies, “I was a bit scared because he’s so good.”

The comparison is so obvious and in our face that I barely need to point it out -- but I’ll point it out anyway. Seung Eon gave Hanbin an extremely desirable part because he thought that Hanbin would be better at it. Matthew was scared that Seung Eon would steal “his” part because Seung Eon would be better at it. Their motivations seem diametrically opposed.  

Later, the team is practicing singing the song. It’s becoming obvious that Matthew’s part is a bit too high pitched for him, and Seung Eon’s part is a bit too low pitched for him. 

Leader Hanbin takes time out of his schedule of taking care of baby bunnies to give an interview, in which he says that the parts were distributed wrong because the team was in a hurry, and he’s “not used to negotiating things.” Then a thousand daisies spring up at his feet, so he picks them and finds some lonely elderly ladies to give them to.

The next day, Hanbin is still trying to think of a non-confrontational solution to the problem (confrontation would startle the flock of white doves that flutter around his head!) when Kim Ji Woong suggests the solution -- that Matthew and Seungeon switch parts. I mean, it’s obviously the solution, if Matthew’s part is too high and Seungeon’s part is too low.  Hanbin asks them to try each other’s part, and it sounds so much better. 

Hanbin tries to sell it to Matthew, saying that Sub-Vocal 2 has more character than the “basic” main vocal and sub-vocal 1 parts, and Ji Woong points out that Matthew will shine more in a part that suits him better, which will be better for the team, too. Matthew isn’t buying it. In fact, he thinks the whole thing is a hidden camera prank. Everyone says it isn’t, but he doesn’t believe them. 

Oh boy. On the one hand, I can understand why Matthew would maybe think it was a hidden camera prank. After all, En Garde did that to Park Gunwook, and maybe Matthew heard about it and they do that kind of thing all the time on the show. Also, he wanted this part so much, it’s almost as if he’s going through the stages of grief -- denial and bargaining and all that. I can understand that. But it’s really hard to watch. 

As Matthew begins to think that maybe this is real, he says that he’d be "doomed" if he lost Sub-Vocal 1. He interviews that Seung Eon can do high pitched adlibs, and he himself cannot. He says, “If I become sub-vocalist 2, I’d just be gone! There’s nothing! I can’t do it! I’m just someone passing by. I’d just be like, ‘Hello.’” 

Here, Matthew is hampered at least a little by his comparative lack of ability to speak Korean -- he’s explaining himself as best he can, though, and I think his point is clear. He feels like if Seung Eon is on sub-1, and he himself is on Sub-2, no one will notice him. 

Matthew is again motivated by anxiety, which is completely in keeping with what we’ve seen of him so far on the show. While I can’t fault him, as this must be the most awful environment for an anxious person --- like, I want to reach for a bottle of diazepam just thinking about what it would be like to be on this show  -- it’s also absurd for him to be threatened by Seung Eon. Matthew is ranked in 4th place currently, and yes, that is a drop from where he was in episode 5. But oh my God, Matthew. At the second elimination, you had almost three times the voting points that Seung Eon had. And it’s not as if you’re going to win the audience vote in this song. You’ve got to know that Hanbin is going to win, right? He’s going to smile at the audience, and everyone in the theater will pass out in bliss and wake up cured of all disease, and that’ll be that. So why stress about it? 

Also, Matthew, sweetie, what on earth makes you think that the Star Creators at home vote based on how you do in the performances? If that were the case, wouldn’t Takuto have been eliminated in Episode 5? Wouldn’t Lee Yedam still be on the show? Listen to BPR-Noona, ok? You’re doing all this so the audience will like you, but in doing it, you are making the audience not like you. You’re creating this hell for yourself. 

Nothing Matthew does is unforgivable or anything. But I’m not going to pretend that this is anything other than what it is. I’m bummed for him, because if he had just switched parts right away, and been sweet about it, it would have worked out so much better for him. As it is, a lot of people in the audience are probably getting really frustrated with him for being unable to accept reality (“I STILL think that this is a hidden camera!” gets pretty irritating after a bit) and for being so selfish in comparison to the saintly Seung Eon. 

Second Rehearsal Segment

Ok, so let’s skip to 1:58:42, still in episode 9. 

It’s performance day, and Key introduces the Say My Name team. We pan the audience and see signs for Han Yujin, Kim JiWoong, and others, along with many signs for Matthew. 

Because it’s kind of fun to be able to spot the signs, you might want to be on the lookout for certain Korean letters/symbols. Seok Matthew’s name written in Korean looks like this: 속매튜 Or you might see it just Matthew, 매튜. The square in the first symbol of Matthew is the M, and the thing that looks like a skinny H is an “ae” sound, and the thing that looks like a capital letter E is the “t” sound. So compare that to Kim Tae Rae 김태래 -- you can see the M in the bottom of the first symbol, the T at the front of the second symbol, and the “ae” at the end of the second two symbols. And that’s your Korean reading lesson of the day! 

The point, though, is that the audience is losing its shit over Matthew, which serves to remind us that his anxiety is kind of unfounded.

The team is backstage, ready to perform (they won’t actually perform until episode 10, of course). They look anxious. 

We cut to more rehearsal. The team is sitting around uncomfortably. Matthew is saying that he wishes he had gone to the “Switch” team if he was going to have to do Sub-vocal 2. He’s saying it with a big smile on his face, which is something he tends to do -- say something like it’s a joke when it’s serious. No one else is smiling. Hey Matthew, I bet someone on Supercharger would still switch places. Go ask Woongki. He’d be delighted to be sub-vocal 2 on Say My Name. 

Thing is, smile or no smile,  Matthew is angry. You can tell. And saying this, when it’s no longer possible to switch, is clearly just an attempt to make everyone else feel bad. 

That’s an angry face, my friends. It’s not a felony. I’d be angry too. But he IS angry.

And then, Kim JiWoong, with his superior emotional intelligence says, “But Matthew, you need to consider the teammates you’re working with. I don’t think now is the time for you to do only what you want. I think someone who fits the part should do the part.” Oh my god, JiWoong, thank you. It had to be said. 

Matthew interviews that what JiWoong said hurt him, and I was thinking, “oh, because you realize that you’re being kind of immature and entitled and you feel bad about it…?” but no. He is sad because he wonders if they all “didn’t believe in [his] ability.” 

JiWoong says they have to think of the team. Matthew says that him keeping the part he wants is for the good of the team. Hanbin tells Matthew again, that this isn’t all about Matthew. And Matthew can’t believe that his friend has turned against him, because again, this IS all about Matthew, for Matthew. 

It’s hard for Matthew because he feels like he has no choice in the matter, but like, that’s how this always works. When you try out for the Killing Part or Main Vocal and the team votes for someone else, you can’t just decide “well guess I’ll take the part anyway.” And yeah, you had the part, but now you’re losing it. That happens. 

I am not being mean on purpose, you guys. I don’t want to pointlessly bash Matthew when he’s making kind of an ass of himself on an international stage. I’m going to take this moment to be profoundly grateful that no one was recording me at those moments in my life that I made a complete ass of myself. Let’s all be profoundly grateful for that, right?

Yoo Seung Eon speaks up, apologizing for not speaking up earlier about wanting the part (not your fault, Seung Eon) and just being sorry in general. Seung Eon’s complete sweetness gets through to Matthew, who is now crying. He says, “Seung Eon, you have no reason to feel sorry. This happened because you’re good.” 

The thing is that that’s not totally the case -- Seung Eon is good, of course, but the bigger issue is the pitches, and I wish Matthew understood that. Seung Eon doesn’t sound great as subvocal 2 any more than Matthew sounds great as subvocal 1. Keeping them in their current parts would be like choosing the super tall person to be on your baseball team, and choosing the person who can throw 100 mph to be on your basketball team. You want to put the right person in the right position.

Matthew goes out into the hall to kind of deal with his feelings, which is a good idea. And then he interviews that the reason he wanted to sing Subvocal 1 is that the lyrics were mostly in English, and he wanted his mom to enjoy listening to him sing in English. 

Argh, I am trying so hard not to be mean about all this but I mean, I can’t not know that this is a lie. He’s lying. 

Consider the following: 

Matthew’s first reaction on hearing he was going to lose the song wasn’t, “oh no, my mom…” but “I’m doomed.” In what world does missing out on a special thing you wanted to do for your mom equate to being doomed? 

Matthew said in an interview, “If I become sub-vocalist 2, I’d just be gone! There’s nothing! I can’t do it! I’m just someone passing by. I’d just be like, ‘Hello.’” That’s all unequivocally about wanting center time. There is no second interpretation of this comment.

Matthew is very close to Hanbin and fairly close to JiWoong at this point -- if this mom thing was true, he would have felt comfortable talking to them about it. 

Now, the “doomed” comment -- I can see one interpretation of this that isn’t just about wanting center time to avoid elimination. It might have been a reference to Matthew’s difficulty in learning Korean lyrics -- he may have been worried about having to learn the lyrics to a whole new part. But if so, say so! That’s a valid concern -- why lie? What is that? 

Another issue is that Matthew’s characterization of Sub-Vocal 1 as being “half English” is a massive exaggeration. SV-1 has one line fully in English (“can I be your boy? Can I love you more?”) but otherwise is mostly in Korean.

Here’s the complete lyrics that SV-1 sings (not including parts where they all sing or where SV1 and SV2 sing together).

Eeny, Meeny 이제서야 Your turn Let me let me know 말해줘 Baby 매일 아침마다 / 이미 우정엔 금 갔지 더 고민해 봤자 시간만 / 떨림이 말해주네 대답은 그걸로 충분해 Can I be your boy? Can I love you more? 네 주위 아무것도 아닌/ 애들도 난 거슬리지 Just say my name 늘 부르던 부르던 세 글자 Say my name 또다시 두근거려 시간이 멈춘 것 같아 / 떨림이 말해주네 대답은 그걸로 충분해 / 친구 말고 Love oh baby

Here’s the complete lyrics that SV-2 sings (again not including parts where they all sing or sing together). 

Just say my name, Just say my name 네 옆에서 언제까지 Yeah 해야 할지 남사친 그거  초코우유 나야 / 재고 또 재는 손 크기 그냥 확 잡으면 어떨지 / 어제 이름과 좀 다르게 설탕 한 스푼 더 추가해  / 네 모든 걸 다 기억 자신 있어 Come here 어제 이름과 좀 다르게 (Changer!) 설탕 한 스푼 더 추가해 (Special!) 이 순간 흐르는 잠깐의 정적 어제 이름과 좀 다르게 (Changer!) 설탕 한 스푼 더 추가해 (Special!)

They’re both mostly Korean. Even that line at the beginning of SV-1, “Eeny, Meeny 이제서야 Your turn/ Let me let me know 말해줘 Baby” -- Eeny meeny isn’t real English and having that be mixed in with so much Korean, your ear stops distinguishing English lyrics and sort of just hears sounds, with the “baby” at the end, you know? It’s not this overwhelming English sound that you hear. 

So yeah, the mom excuse is just a lie, and for me, that’s the part that really bums me out, because I want to like Matthew. I kind of naturally root for the North Americans, because I am one, you know? And if he had just said, “I’m so sorry and embarrassed I made this uncomfortable for everyone. I should have been more understanding about why we had to change parts. I don’t have any excuse, I was just so anxious about everything” -- if he said something like that, I’d forgive him immediately because again, the pressure they’re under is absurd. It’s natural to feel that way. Just own it. But instead, he lied. 

And one reason that I say that Matthew is not being evil edited is that the show seems to be presenting this obviously false explanation as true. 

Look at the screenshot above. He’s talking about how Sub-Vocal 1 has so many words in English, and the on-screen images are backing him up. What they’re NOT showing is the lyrics in SV-1 that are in Korean, which is a lot of lyrics, nor are they showing the lyrics from SV-2 that are in English. They show him crying while talking about his mom and they play stirring violin music the whole time. The show is sympathizing with him. 

I’m still not saying that he’s a bad person or that any of this is unforgivable. He’s a human being and it’s natural to be defensive and anxious and all these things. It’s cool if you forgive him. Just face reality, is all I’m saying. 

Anyway. 

Ok, so we see the five trainees doing their intro bit on stage, and as I expected, they’re clearly doing a high teen concept, complete with a school setting on stage and all that. But we’re not really going to see the performance yet -- we’ll have to wait for episode 10.

Final Segment

We’ll skip to episode 10, at 49:30. Key introduces the team again, and the boys come up to introduce themselves. 

We see Lee Hwanhee in the audience for a picosecond, holding up this sign:

I think it says “Ji Woong-ee hyung”. 

The team says they want to be your first love -- they’re team Say Yes!  Then Key makes  Han Yujin say “noona I love you” over and over and I want to call Child Protective Services. 

Then they ask Matthew about his rehearsal experience, and we go into flashback mode. This isn’t just a flashback, this is a flashback to what we’ve already seen -- the team explaining that he’s not a solo artist, and him going to sit down in a lobby area. The on screen captioning is again defending him, saying “he understands his teammates, but he can’t calm down.” 

Then the on screen captioning says “one hour earlier”, but I’m almost certain that they really mean one hour later, or else nothing makes sense. MNET, can you just tell the story in order and not jump around so much for no reason?

Hanbin gives his team a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies (baked goods spontaneously generate whenever he laughs) and tells them to take a 10 minute break while he checks in on Matthew, who is hanging back.

It says Soek Matthew on the left, and Sung Hanbin on the right. (By the way, the little symbol that looks kind of like a ^ symbol, that’s the S in Korean, so on the left that’s the S for Soek and on the right it’s the S in Sung. As a reminder, the square is an M and the E is a T and the H is an “ae” sound.)  

Anyway, Hanbin is checking in on Matthew, who he senses is having a hard time. Matthew denies that anything is wrong, but he’s obviously kind of sulking. They try to rehearse together as a team, but Matthew is still not feeling it.

JiWoong interviews that he feels bad for doing what he had to do, that he’s not sure how to treat Matthew from now on, and that this has been hard on him too. JiWoong has the necessary emotional intelligence to do the hard work between friends, but that doesn’t mean he likes it. Look, I’m happily partnered and am not looking to date anyone else, but my friends, that is some boyfriend material right there. Being too passive to the point that you can’t even communicate about what’s on your mind just allows things to fester. Nothing against Hanbin, who is truly trying his best and doing a decent job, but JiWoong is the hero of this story. Find yourself a person who can communicate like that. 

We cut to dance rehearsal with the psycho dance teachers, who ask Hanbin and Matt about their bromance. Turns out they never actually performed together on the show. Leader Hanbin shoos away a herd of passing unicorns, then explains that the group has been training for a week, but that they just changed some parts today. 

The dancing doesn’t go well -- the judge yells at them because the mood "isn’t cute" -- especially Matthew, who isn’t “managing” his facial expression. They try again, and Matthew continues to sulk. The dance teacher reminds them that they have to not let any conflict between them show on stage. They try a third time and it still doesn’t quite work. 

Matthew’s interview comes in like a voice over, narrating over the scene, saying that he feels bad that he made the mood like this and got his teammates in trouble. He says, “I realized that I can’t keep being like this. At this rate, I might screw up our performance.” Good, Matthew, good start. You’re on your way! Keep it up.  

The fourth time through, they manage to pull it together. 

Later at the dorms, JiWoong goes to visit Matthew. JiWoong is wearing what appears to be pinstriped pajamas. Of course he is. JiWoong asks if Matthew is ok, then adds, of course you’re not. Matthew is still held back a little bit by not being 100% fluent in Korean, so it’s hard for him to explain his exact feelings, but it’s something similar to betrayal. You know, that feeling that Woongki and Seo Won and Ollie and Takuto probably felt when you voted them out of the team? I mean, just sayin’, there’s plenty of betrayal going around, and it’s probably better to count your blessings.

JiWoong says, “I considered all day whether or not I should talk to you. In any case, I should apologize to you since the parts were changed [so late].”  Matthew says he understands why JiWoong did what he did and that his (Matthew’s) reasons for wanting SV-1 were selfish. (We don’t see any further mention of the Mom/English lyrics story.) 

JiWoong says he needs to be a good hyung (older brother figure) to Matthew, but it really goes beyond that -- he’s the embodiment of forgiveness and patience. He said what he needed to say and now he doesn’t hold a grudge. Next time someone pisses you off, think, WWJWD? And unless that thing is showing your nipples, do that thing. I mean, unless it’s a good time to show your nipples. I don’t know your life. 

Matthew commits to Sub-vocal 2 and begins working on the lyrics. They’re tricky for him, which backs up my theory that part of his issue was fear at having to learn a new set of lyrics. 

We see the team rehearsing and they all seem to be getting along much better. At dress rehearsal they do a great job, and Matthew is all smiles. The judges cheer. Matthew interviews that he has finally realized that the team is the most important thing. Good! 

Honestly, I really can forgive Matthew for all of this, but the whole Mom/English lyrics bit was really… icky. Just come out and say it, guy -- say, “I wanted the big part because I’m anxious because my rank fell a lot from 2nd to 4th and I’m worried that I won’t debut after all and it’s all I can think about.” That’s fine, that’s a normal way to feel. Sigh. But I guess he thought that the audience at home wouldn’t forgive him for that so he made up the Mom lie? 

Anyway, it’s finally time! 

The performance begins.

My take: Well, the thing is, I’m not really into this kind of song -- new jack swing lite, I guess you could call it -- but I try to critique songs within their genre, and for a song of this genre, it’s ok. It’s cute. It doesn’t grate or irritate. 

What’s more relevant is that the boys do a really good job with it. Their dancing is lively, their singing sounds great, their on-stage chemistry is convincing, and while I know they had an MR, I think a lot of their vocals were live and really, it was good. The staging didn’t compete with the performance, and their outfits made them all look cute. It all came together really well. The part where they all say their own names at the end is really cute, too.

I think that Matthew and Seung Eon did the best job in terms of stage presence. Weirdly, Sung Hanbin’s smile didn’t really convince me -- I saw stress on his perfect face, rather than cute happiness. He's still preternaturally charming. Han Yujin seemed to be holding back, but I’ve always thought that about him. And Kim JiWoong seemed a little uncomfortable. That’s just how they seemed to me and maybe I’m the only one who thinks that. I still think all five of these guys are super talented and I can see why someone would like them and vote for them. 

After I wrote all that, I showed the performance to my fella and asked him what he thought, and he said that he thought the “chaotic teenager” energy they gave off suited the song. He picked out Matthew as the best one, picked out JiWoong as not fitting in (he said that the rest looked like they were confessing a crush, while JiWoong looked like he was promising a good lay), and said that Hanbin looked really exhausted. I swear that I didn’t tell him about the tension in the group, or that  JiWoong was known for doing sexy concepts! He just picked up on that anyway. He’s not really into vocals or dance specifically so he was mostly judging based off of vibe. 

I *am* into vocals, and I just want to say again how good of a job I think Yoo Seung Eon did. In other performances, I found his voice to be a tiny bit too thin and screechy for my taste, but he sounded much better here. I think he’s quite a talent and I’d love to see how his singing continues to improve as he matures and gets even more training. I actually think he’s ready to debut now but I also don’t think he’ll make top 9, so we’ll have to wait for the Yuehua boy group coming in, IDK, 2024. Seriously, I’m so looking forward to it! 

Am I sad that TaeRae wasn’t the main vocal of this song? Yes. Yes I am. But I don’t hold it against them. Hanbin sang well, especially since he considers himself a dancer first. 

Congratution on your gradution! 

The Edit I think the edits on these five mission stages will all be kind -- we’re at the point when the show wants us to like every performance. Mostly they just show the performance, without a ton of instant replays or reactions, but they did have to interrupt a few times to see the audience losing their shit for Matthew. They even threw in a shot of Key smiling. When the song is over, they really dwell on the audience reaction. The audience is LOSING THEIR SHIT.

Afterwards  Backstage, the boys are really happy and proud. Then Key walks by and says “you remind me of me when I was younger,” which is probably a moment that they’ll take out of the memory bank and stroke like a soft blanket on sad days. 

We don’t find out who came in last, which was also the case for En Garde -- MNET jiggery fuckery again.

And who do you think wins the audience vote? Come on, take a wild guess! Was it... maybe... Sung Hanbin? Yes, indeed, it was -- with 826 points (so Haruto still has the highest individual score). It’s this Hanbin's first time coming in first -- he lost to Hui in Love Me Right and lost to Zhang Hao in Tomboy. 

Am I crazy, or does there still seem to be a bit of awkwardness between Hanbin and Matthew? JiWoong talked it out with Matthew and cleared the air, but I think Matthew and Hanbin need to have a similar conversation at some point soon, or there will be awkwardness in their friendship for a while to go.

And that’s about it for this recap. Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll see you in the next one!

[habunshu]

just read an interview sara hess did recently and she’s talks about aegon and him raping dyana and the way this entire thing reads is just so…..not to mention in the same interview she throws daemon under the bus and says he’s a bad father when the episode she wrote she chose to cut out the scenes with him comforting his daughters and chose to add in how he ignores rhaena

[saying this all having seen ep10 leaks, and saying this all with words from HBO that they plan to release a “pristine cut” from earlier today- whatever that means, so by the time this “cut” is released some mass-disliked moments may have been retconed or scenes added]

[mention of SA, R*pe in regards to Aegon’s writing]

[mention of traumatic childbirth and death from childbirth]

I have so many many thoughts about not only Sara Hess but the whole writing team. This is LONG, and thank u very much for sparking my thoughts with this ask!

HOTD has, fallen out a lot with me post episode 5/6, I remember thinking what a fantastic start it was off to when I watched episode 1, and the moment it’s established that the writers and directors are NOT collaborating between episodes, and each hold very different understandings of each character they portray- it’s become a quick recipe for disaster. Im not going to nitpick every part of the season, I’m well aware this show plans to overarch multiple seasons, but I am still going to discuss it from a standalone story due to how long each season takes to produce.

1. Complications from writing teams, and contrasting GRRM’s base material:

HOTD and F&B being separate narrative points and existing as different validity tales is something that is perfectly fine, I am used to discussing validity of secondary reports of historical content through my degree, and HOTD is a very good medium (as it is VISUAL instead of written) of attempting to show this tale from inside the House itself- what dissonance occurs is due to fondness over the staple violence and power hungry violence of these Westeros Nobles that creates interesting fantasy grandeur. A lot of people enjoy spectating these awful powerful people commit horrible acts in their own interests and family allegiances; Cersei, Daemon, Otto, and others are fascinating anti-heroes and antagonists due to their setting to allow for large-scale atrocities to physically vent their ambitions and goals.

The Dance of The Dragons (in the Books) is this horrific and tragic death for petty self importance, untreated family trauma and paranoid self-hardening that continues and grows with each generation of the Courts is bound to snap on-top of someone’s shoulders at some point, just around 80 years of RELATIVE “peace” under King Jaehaerys I and Viserys I (55+26 if i’m not mistaken). And such a King born of peace wanting to prolong it (Viserys I) is almost a perfect breeding ground for power hungry leeches to start grappling for the Throne (Otto).

So when the bricks start to crumble and we have expectations of drama and bloodshed, true to GRRM’s writings, it’s not a change in certain plot points that is objectively bad (some are better- Sara Hess respects Laena as a woman of 2 Valyrian Houses dying of her own wish instead of before she can on the staircase), it’s misconceptions of what purpose each character serves between writers that makes each episode clunky, snowballing into the season looking like a puzzle I slapped together from mis-matched pieces I found my desk draw.

Almost all characters if not between back to back episodes, from the beginning to the end of the season have moments that straight up do not make sense compared to who they are established as.

This reaches a more frustrating point when we see the overarching trend of almost all Female main characters be softened and be removed of their personal wants. (In the Books) Rhaenyra and Alicent are two amazing narrative foils; Entitlement vs Want, Power (Dragons) vs Intelligence. These are two women who have lost their childhood sense of female unity and joint suffering, with their in-book ages, Rhaenyra looses an older female figure and Alicent looses a companion and a major representation of her own lost girlhood.

When Alicent becomes just a high-strung pawn for her father, her son placed on the throne without her involvement or knowledge, still holding onto her girlhood she becomes a beautiful tragic figure and Olivia does he’s SO MUCH justice- but at the cost of her being this beautiful antagonist and individual.

When Rhaenyra becomes with unsure and overwhelmed girl-heir, becomes someone who only began to learn the knowledge a monarch requires at her late teens instead of being named heir before she was 10, she’s no longer a strong Targaryen that wants what she has been told her whole life is hers- but a bumbling princess who is asking for permission to wear her fathers crown.

Rhaenys, Baela and Rhaena are moved aside and the young daughters of Laena are given barely any content besides smiling politely. Helena I will say seems relatively untouched, we see a girl in her own solitude with a mother who gave birth way too young and doesn’t know how to be one. A true tragic figure after being sentenced to being a royal womb and looses her child over evening the scales-

[EP10 LEAK- RETCON OR CORRECTION ON OFFICIAL RELEASE UNKNOWN] If Aemond does end up a Kinslayer by technically, Vhagar attacking in retaliation with him being unable to control her after Lucerys in turn doesn’t control Arrax spitting fire first when fleeing to return to his mother. It does work in favour of Aemond being subjected to harsh consequences for either defending himself or completely against his wishes. But again we loose what is one of the most vicious combatants of the civil war, as well as the intent of Helena loosing her own child not matching up. “A Son for a Son”, but to even it out Helena’s child needs to die by accident in return. This also contrasts Aemond’s character of a bloodthirsty prince, he WANTS Lucerys dead, his own half-nephew took his eye, why does he care that the Baratheon wants blood outside of his home instead of infront of him. He’s the Kings Brother, Rider of Vhagar.

This change of intent to misunderstandings does create its own dynamic, but the lack of a cohesive plot and character purpose creates this mess that takes the Dance from:

“This family have become horrifyingly self-entitled and power-drunk due to their dragons, and will do whatever to fulfil their own wants, even killing the Dragons they owe their power to. There is a division between Kin and Family and Kin will be sacrificed if one can gain from it.”

To: “The Sheer Number of Aegons and lack of critical thinking has made so many deaths meaningless.”

The writers seem so scared of writing women with intent and purpose and power, Rhaenyra was a dragon rider at 7, 6 years before the youngest rider before her, we haven’t seen her on Syrax since Daemon steals an egg, we have powerful female Targaryens in-universe, Visenya is right there. Women in the show are mothers or soon to be married and mothers, Rhaenyra has no combat experience as a NAMED HEIR.

2. Sara Hess

She is uh, sure is something of a writer, knowing she’s responsible at least in part of EP6 and EP9 does make sense. She’s got a lot of not great comments and understandings of characters, that does do them a disservice.

The biggest offender (pun intended) is Aegon II, very surprising for a woman to romanticise such a horrific abuse of power and male identity that leads to (as Alicent implies this is not the first time he commits these acts on screen) the SA and worse of a handmaiden, and attempt to paint it as a misguided action of love. Aegon II as a character is a great way to show “A female heir could be perfect, Rhaenyra could be perfect; but will still be tossed aside in favour of a male heir that is abominable, horrible and a stain to his family’s legacy”

Is he given an unfair hand at the blatant favouritism of Viserys? yes. Is he forced into a position that he has no desire to be in until he is either:

1. In the books told that a formidable blood-spilling Rhaenyra will kill her opposition (his family and children) for the crown.

2. In the show dragged to his coronation, crying as he walks the Dragon pit, taking a position he KNOWS his father never once delegated to him.

Tom Glynn-Carney does a PHENOMENAL job with the material he is provided and tasked to act out. We can gain sympathy for him in both narrative chains without the romanticism of SA and r*pe, Tom SHOWS us a young man who turns to alcoholic tendencies due to the obvious fact his father only considers himself to be a father of one, and the fact that his mother has near infinite complex relationship with motherhood as a manipulated childbride and replacement wife that doesn’t even compare to the First Queen to her husband.

Aegon is heavily spoilt and misguided and starved of normal parents, and even as a horribly sexist man of power we can find nuance in him. Sara Hess does him a disservice by saying he “loved” Dyana, if you want to write him as a sympathy figure regarding his own love outwards, it is already there in his DISINTEREST in Helaena, the choice to not want to love is a better rebellion against all his representation of love that he’s grown up with.

“Do you (Mother) Love me?” is a tragic line, it drives sympathy in itself as her firstborn son knowing she is merely 16 years older than him, not even 40 at the time of his coronation. Why make this about him r*ping a woman instead of the complex relationship the family knows Alicent has about motherhood and the loss of her own life at age 16 when Otto decides to move her representative chess piece forward?

Sara Hess’ comments that went viral, although make sense in her distaste with various Scenes of Daemon (which are STILL abstractions from GRRM and his creation of Daemon) from EP10. I am surprised at her ability to unite those who are Team Black or Team Green, but even then her involvement has more downsides to this opportunity of story telling that positives.

A particular comment of hers that I didn’t appreciate in the slightest was her input on (Book) Rhaenyra growing fat after having 5 children and getting older.

Extremely weird to vilify a woman of luxurious life and 5 pregnancies in Medieval times gaining weight. Whilst yes there is valid criticism of male storytelling, why lump the weight of a woman in the same category as sexism of women in power. Rhaenyra’s body has nothing to do with her as a leader or historical figure.

3. Daemon at the hands of the writers (Sara’s portrayal in particular)

GRRM has stated that Daemon Targaryen is his favourite, and I completely understand it.

Who is he? A second-born pure-blood prince, a renowned knight, rider of the Bloodwyrm, a prime Targaryen, confident, ambitious, cunning and loyal to a fault on those he considers family.

Daemon is introduced as an agent of Chaos and polarising public opinion, but still commands respect and at least was worthy enough to be handed the titles of Master and stand on the Court (but not to be earned, he is born into an almost invincible position). We see him painted as ready to take the throne as eldest male Targaryen barring the King himself, and is set at this surface level “Rogue” who dotes on the younger Targaryen at court (intentions unknown).

Ep1-4 we see he aligns more at strength for the Targaryen Dynasty, not just himself. He is a narrative foil to Viserys in attitude and tolerance, yin and yang in a way. He states that he wants to keep the crown on his brothers head steady, he sees past Otto and relays the distaste of the Hightowers that is present in Dark Sister’s original wielder.

I think a lot of people misinterpret him as selfishly power hungry, that every action has to explicitly lead to him as King on the Throne, but why not kill Rhaenyra at any point, he’s a suspect regardless due to his reputation, but he is cunning, there’s no way he couldn’t have pulled it off when she was young with how many of Aemma’s surviving babies died young- Rhaenyra herself could easily have health complications.

He is raised on the idea of their Family being omnipotent, 3 siblings conquered Westeros, who says he cannot ally himself with a select few? He gains significant back room power the way Coryls wants as a Prince consort or Hand to Viserys/Rhaenyra.

He is cruel and violent and awful and egotistical, but he holds the better part of himself for those he deems worthy. This is what makes him a compelling character, unwavering support to those he chooses. With debatable intent with Laena across book and TV stories, he is not neglectful of those he cares of. The active choice to cut scenes of him being a father, any sense of comfort, to imply he favours the daughter that has a dragon already, is nothing short of character assassination and extremely biased.

Daemon is far from a faithful, christian husband, don’t get me wrong, he ends up cheating on Rhaenyra and has fucked so many women in his life I don’t know how he hasn’t got like 34 STDs. But there seems to be an in-universe grey area on Targaryen polyamory and lovers, (Rhaenyra and Laena in book at a little, 👀) his political loyalty and service to Rhaenyra’s crown is never once faltered, he dies for her to get rid of Aemond and Vhagar (the only reason the Greens didn’t instantly die). His is this beautifully volatile and unpredictable character, but compassionate to a fault, and willing to do anything to restore Targaryen Power.

Sara Hess’ writing is far from unbiased, and deviates heavily from who GRRM wrote with such fondness, not completely unfounded, he does groom his niece and kiss her the infront of his the kids he had with his dead wife the day of her funeral. But why paint him as this deadbeat dad when he of him and his brother does not subject his wife to unnecessary pain when she will die regardless, he who does not differentiate between children of different mothers. Viserys is a chronic first-wife bias, he doesn’t care that his second son is partially blinded and instead does not revoke when Rhaenyra asks for what is essentially torture to gain insight on why Aemond called her Bastard Sons, Bastards. Why doesn’t Sara call him out on saying he only has one child, why doesn’t she say she doesn’t understand why people like Viserys at Paddy’s portrayal?

She’s incorrect in us liking him as (not my words) “daddy” because he killed Rhea Royce and groomed his niece, people with brains are aware of his faults. We like BOTH of these brothers who were overzealous in the use of brothels are young bachelor princes. We like them because of the effort Matt and Paddy put in DESPITE the writing they are shown with.

The most concrete moment of bad directing of daemon shows in his interactions with Viserys.

Matt understands Daemon at peak when he IMPROVISES Daemon stepping up as the brother protecting his weak king from Otto and himself when he picks up the crown, and supports Viserys on his way to the Throne, he could have easily left him to stumble and make a fool of himself. He wouldn’t though.

[EP10 SPOILERS] Seeing Daemon get violent with Rhaenyra, after he grabs 3 dragon eggs for her, after he marries her in secret, after he kills Vaemond for her. Is so out of character, not in his general sense, but out of character in WHO he directs this violence at. The physical scene cuts make it seem like they cut out any reconciliation, as well as the rough choking -> mocking -> going back to normal.

It gets even MORE OOC when it gets to Rhaenyra’s troubling childbirth of Visenya.

Daemon, a man who lost his mother through childbirth of his younger brother Aegon who then died in the crib.

Daemon who did not have a mother for long at all.

Daemon, who watched Viserys and Aemma loose child after child until she dies.

Daemon who watched Laena struggle and end up commanding Vhagar to kill her as an act of Mercy.

Daemon who watched his daughters not have a mother for long at all.

Daemon who watched and saw Rhaenyra not have her mother for long.

Daemon who does not stay with her during the pregnancy, Daemon who they decided to keep separate from Rhaenyra as she struggles to give birth.

It is such an out of character moment that it along with the choking scene ruins him as a man, as every episode has established.

Again he is not perfect, withholds public affection even in high-strung moments due to being cautious in court. Has killed (or at least plotted) his first wife, the whole Gold cloak scene, the grooming.

But, He if this is not changed in the “pristine” cut, it does ruin all that GRRM has established.

It speaks a lot when improvisation on the Actors speak better on the characters than the writers themselves. It speaks a lot when an improvised scene touches people more than what the writers explicitly add.

[formulatrash]

hi queen, could you maybe give some insight on how you got into the motorsport social media world, for people who are maybe interested in that career?

hello anon, sorry this is probably gonna get long

so the short version is: I was already working in social media for Radio 1/1xtra/2/6 so handling some pretty big accounts etc. after that I wrote additional social content for Netflix shows and then I moved on to some big motorsport ones.

which is a boringly unhelpful answer because 'just already be a producer at the BBC' is not really a career path.

that said, I do know how it works.

the first thing is: social media is a broad genre. you should take some time to work out what kind of social you like making; if you're into graphic design, for instance, that's a social media job but so is writing TikTok scripts or posting as a brand or driver.

I would recommend making some kind of low pressure account and using it to mess around. give yourself a chance to find out what you're good at, if you're not going in knowing - me, I can write and I can produce but I'm not an enthusiastic or quick video editor and graphic design is definitely not my passion.

once you've worked out what you want to do, start at grassroots. there's going to be a point (this is the way with all passion fields) where you have to gain some experience by working for free. there's two ways to do this: find a grassroots motorsport thing (a person, an event, a Formula Student team, whatever) and propose doing their social media. a lot of drivers keep the same social media agency as they go all the way up the ladder (Lando's done this, for instance) so it can be a route to bigger things in and of itself. but most importantly it can get you experienced in negotiating the world of motorsport social media - how to deal with things like broadcast rights and where you can and can't film in a paddock, how to drive engagement and interact with fans, etc.

the other option is to start a project account. something like The Female Drive, which is run by a Sauber engineer. that's a really good example of an account that shows obvious skill in producing social content without creating an unreasonable work burden. the account becomes both something that you own, as its own little motorsport property and a showcase for what you can do. it's a really good way to start getting yourself accreditation or being noticed. on a bigger scale but still coming from that grassroots start, Parc Fermé have made a major success launching their agency like that, due on a major level to Lids' incredible photography but it shows the worth of going down that route and basically creating your own job.

if what you want to do is present TikTok, obviously, then you just need to start doing that and working on improving. make the type of content you want to make - that won't be interviewing Max Verstappen from the outset but you can find other ways to make it work. be creative, use your friends, do the things you'd like to watch.

the third way, which you should not do, is working what should be a paid role. a good (well, bad) example of this is this Formula Nerds recruitment ad that I saw earlier today. under UK law, you can't be a volunteer with responsibilities and volunteer roles, which are actually very regulated, have to be demonstrably beneficial to the holder. it's also just extremely shitty that people ask people to work for free; if your publication isn't making enough money, you do that yourself and you can hire people when it is.

if you want to gain experience in a professional setting, look out for internship schemes. you'll be better placed if you can show them examples of your work, which is why it's good to do that earlier experience but they should be regulated, clearly marked as an internship and paid. motorsport is a multibillion-dollar industry where even at the lowest levels thousands of pounds are changing hands, you do not work for free unless it's for yourself.

some good people to look out for opportunities with are Rosie from 115dgrs, Lois at MP, Revolution Comms, Influence Associates and Pace Six Four.

[kitkatt0430]

🌵🕯️📚🍬🥐

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

So I'm not really a playlist maker type person. Or a playlist-seeker-outer. (Seeker of playlists?) When I play music I just kind of stick whatever I'm in the mood for on shuffle. I've got a Plex server set up for my personal media - tv shows, movies, music - so I've got the music categorized by somewhat broad genres. That way I can just click a category and hit play + shuffle on it.

That said, I've contributed a little to the Heck Yeah Harrisco Playlist, so I do recommend that one. It's fun to listen to and does have a Harry/Cisco vibe to all the songs on it. I don't listen to it often, but I do check back in every so often to see what's new.

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

Depends on when the editing happens. And we'll call 5 a neutral point between hating this process and happily typing away.

Pre-posting a fic/chapter? - 8 or 9. The spelling grammar aspect is nit-picky, but I like that I can go back and fix a scene that isn't working, add stuff I forgot, or move things that work better at a different point in the story. I can change the tone of a scene if necessary or fix mistakes where a character did something twice when they should have only done it once, or they left but are still there.

But post editing? - 2 or 3. There's always another spelling/grammar issue to find, some which screw up the meaning of a sentence. Who approved this to post??? (Me, that's who, it's me, I'm at fault, whoopsie-daisy) And if I want to add something to the chapter that wasn't there or remove something that is there or... then it's difficult to let people who have already read it know there's been a fix. *sigh*

I never completely hate editing because the editing process always makes the fic better in the end. But my enjoyment (or lack thereof) of the process is definitely variable.

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

I don't have any recent/new story notes as such, but I do have a fic I've been working on today. I've been reviewing my Armageddon notes, trying to make progress on an Iris-centered fic there. And I've decided to skip over Iris' ill-fated adventure with Ryan (Wilder, not Choi) for now (I'm gonna write it, it's gonna be pretty awesome for Iris despite Eobard hitting the reset button on her) and move to the scene I've been really wanting to write for a while. Iris and Barry meeting at Jitters, Iris struggling to accept that her fiance - Eobard - is actually the bad guy here.

She knows it, but she hasn't accepted it quite yet.

For a moment she'd felt the timeline shifting around her like a choppy, angry river... and known the truth for herself.  And in the wake of that certainty, she'd agreed to meet Barry.  To hear what he had to say for himself and to learn what Eobard Thawne had stolen from her in his obsession with harming Barry. Now she was less certain.  Iris was engaged to Eobard.  She loved him.  She wanted to be married to him and spend her life with him.  But... there were things she was giving up to be Eobard's wife.  Including the possibility of children, something he adamantly didn't want.  Iris thought she was okay with that.

Seeing the vision of her children in the real timeline is hitting iris pretty hard. And thus also breaking through what amounts to Eobard brainwashing Iris.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

One of the reasons we like Leonard Snart so much - aside from Wentowrth Miller's stellar performance - is because we didn't really have much of him on the Flash. He was used sparingly and then snatched away by Legends before he could get utilized to his full extent. Which is something we all lament because his potential as a character was so vast...

But because the Flash writer's didn't really use him much, particularly after he died, they didn't get to screw him up and that was a good thing. We saw what they did with Savitar/The Future Flash arc. We saw how Eobard got flandarized all to hell by the end of the show. We saw Season 5 couldn't make up it's mind about who the main villain was. We saw how season 6 started off tightly plotted in the front half only to get lost in the weeds and do Iris a major disservice in the back half. We saw how poorly handled Cisco's send off was. We saw the three conflicting plots in a trenchcoat that was Armageddon... We saw the continual retconning of Hartley because they couldn't let go of The Sound and Fury.

As much as I wish we had more of Leonard Snart on the show... I think maybe having less meant his characterization dodged a major bullet. And I'm thus also extremely glad we have exactly what we got and no more too.

... I don't know if this is exactly an unpopular opinion, but it's definitely not something brought up a lot with all the musing on how awesome a Rogue's season would have been if the plot lead in for it hadn't been mishandled and dropped. Which is definitely a popular topic for Snart fans.

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

Miette

I've definitely made so many Miette style jokes, substituting in my dog for Miette.

Estelle pouting because I won't feed her half-an-hour early? Jail for human, jail for a thousand years for starving poor puppy.

hehehe

[beautifulblooms]

Yuji Itadori x Male! Sorcerer! Reader

Male! Reader, fluffy somewhat angsty thing I wrote out a bit ago, pretty long, no other general warnings

CIS Women and Female Aligned people, please DNI, this story and all of my others are for non-binary, masculine aligned and male readers!

See it was supposed to be a normal day, a normal mission, a level 3 cursed spirit at worst. That’s what everyone, even the higher ups thought when they sent Yuji and Megumi on the mission, they really only wanted to send the more experienced of the two but Gojo pushed to have Yuji tag along. The building was nothing special, a run down school in the far East of Tokyo, a piece of cake right? Stepping into the building nothing seemed out of the ordinary, a bit of cursed energy here and some more concentration towards the center. Walking further into the building the two suddenly felt like they weren’t alone.

“Fushiguro do you feel that too? Like something is watching us?” Yuji was slightly nervous from it, this was really only his second or third time in the field.

“Yes, there shouldn’t be anything other than a grade 3 here, but the amount of cursed energy is getting far too dense for just that.” This was unusual given the location and the supposed grade of the cursed spirit in the building. Reaching the center the two boys realized very quickly that this was not in a grade 3, well it might’ve been, but it was no longer. Closer to a grade 1 or even pushing special grade at this point, the spirit began its attack. Sending rocks and other debris from the decayed building towards the first years. While the attack didn’t seem strong, it most certainly was, a single 2 inch piece of the tile would have shot a hole through eithers skull.

“Well this is just great.” Sarcasm dropped from Yuji’s words, he planned to be home rather early today. Launching toward the spirit, the pieces of debris were continuing their assault, Megumi started forming one of his Shikigamis as Yuji got close enough to touch the spirit. It jumped away from him, crawling into the upper corner of the room, staring down at the two. A closer inspection at the things chest revealed its sudden growth in power and grade; a hole with one of Sukuna’s fingers sitting right inside of it.

“It has a finger! That’s why it's a higher grade now!” Yuji shouted as the other sorcerer sent Nue towards the spindly creature. The owl shikigami was quickly sent back to the ground, barely moving when they realized just how deep of a pile of shit they got into.

“Well we have two options; try to kill this thing, or run.” Megumi gave out his response before summoning his divine dog totality, maybe using a high power technique now would shorten the fight. Unfortunately fate was certainly not on their side today as the dog got one bite on the spirit before it too was flung to the ground. A look between the two shared one single message: “we’re fucked”

Stepping back to the opposite corner, the two tried to figure out what to do with each of their strengths. Yuji didn’t have much besides the cursed blade Gojo gave him and his divergent fist technique. Megumi on the other hand had all but two of his shadow shikigami at his disposal plus a few close combat moves he could use.

“So what’s the plan?” Yuji glanced at the other boy trying to see what they could come up with very quickly.

“Well, if we can get this thing to the ground, attacking it would be easier, and if we keep up a wide range of attacks we might just be able to exorcize it here and quickly.” Megumi looked back over to Yuji, hoping his words were making him think of some other things to do.

“Got it, I’ll see if I can cause a distraction long enough for you to get an aerial attack on it.” They both nodded at whatever was spoken before moving quickly. Yuji went straight for the spirit, throwing anything he could find at it, jumping up once or twice to its height and punching it with his divergent fist. Megumi took this opportunity to resummon Nue and get one good strike on its side while it was distracted. The spirit fell out of the corner from the shock and force of the attack, quickly regaining itself and standing up. Using its abilities to grab more debris and start flinging it around the room, it targeted Yuji knowing how much of a threat he was as the vessel of Sukuna.

Sending another piece towards him was merely a distraction to get the jump on Yuji, the first piece was easily deflected while another larger piece was pulled towards him from behind. The second piece struck his shoulder, shattering his shoulder blade and dislocating his arm.

“ITADORI!!” Megumi began to panic, if Yuji was this badly injured there was no chance for him to fight back. The taller sorcerer was left to figure out how to exorcize the cursed spirit, protect Yuji, and not let Sukuna’s finger leave the school without them. Back at Jujutsu Tech, the situation was being monitored due to Yuji being involved, the higher ups still didn’t want Sukuna’s vessel being out and about without supervision. Realizing the severity of the situation, a decision was made, they would send another sorcerer to make sure neither first years died. That’s where you come in, (l/n) (y/n), a grade 1 sorcerer that has taken down special grades without even flicking a finger. The cursed energy and techniques you used could challenge that of Gojo’s, he knew better than to mess with you.

“(l/n), we need you to go rescue these two first years, given you’re a third year with beyond extraordinary power this should be nothing more than a regular mission for you. I have sent the location to you of where the school is, please hurry.” Nanami told you over the call, ending it quickly after sending the address for the school. That was all the information you had on the mission, two first years were sent on a grade 3 exorcism, and suddenly it became a special grade. Rushing to the address, which surprisingly wasn’t too far from the cat cafe you were relaxing in. standing in front of the building you could tell the place was radiating powerful cursed energy, there was no doubt it was a special grade, it felt like walking past the room where Jujutsu Tech held their cursed objects.

Stepping into the building you could hear grunts and yells coming from the center of the building, probably where the cafeteria would’ve been. Sprinting down halls, making a turn here and there, you made it to where the special grade cursed spirit was attacking the first years. Now it made sense why you had been sent on this mission, Yuji was one of the first years sent on the mission, of course they would send you to come get your boyfriend. He had introduced himself to you when he came onto campus for the first time, and you two hit it off from there. But now, it was life or death and you refused to let either of them die. You had a special technique similar to Gojo’s reverse cursed technique, it wasn’t a finishing move for you but to destroy a special grade it would be enough.

“GET TO YUJI, KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME!” You screamed at Megumi, him very quickly rushing to the injured boy and holding him into the corner. Beginning to use the reversed technique, you kept eyes on the spirit, making sure it didn’t move from where it was. Unleashing the attack it burned straight through the spirit, the corner it was resting in, and the rest of the building behind it. After taking a moment to catch your breath, you walked to where it was standing less than a couple seconds ago and glanced around the ground. “Of course one of Sukuna’s fingers is here, no wonder it went from grade 3 to a special in minutes.”

“How did you just kill a special grade with one technique? That should’ve taken much more.” Megumi looked up at you stunned by how strong your cursed technique was.

“I have a cursed energy level similar to Gojo’s, I don’t need to worry about wasting low level attacks when I can just go full force with my stronger ones and win immediately.” Explaining the technique, you walked over to the first years examining the damage done to your lover. “I leave you alone for 3 hours and you get your shoulder destroyed? What will I do with you…” The statement was sarcastic but you were still worried for him. Carefully lowering yourself to grab him and pick him up bridal style, you stood once more and began walking out of the room. “Fushiguro, are you coming along or not? I know you need to visit the nurses station as well, you’re covered in scratches.” Glancing back at Megumi he perked up at your words, not realizing how beaten up he was considering the amount of adrenaline still running through his body.

“Yeah, let's get going.” A hiss came from his mouth as he stood up, the pain starting to set in.

The walk to Jujutsu Tech wasn’t long, but it was painful and drawn out considering Megumi’s condition and that you were carrying another person. Speaking of Yuji, he had passed out from pain and shock when his shoulder was shattered, not knowing you came in to save the two of them or that you were carrying him home. Upon reaching the school you began walking faster to get Yuji some medical attention before any of the damage became too great. Of course he could’ve been healed had Sukuna come out and taken over his body for whatever period of time but he wasn’t going to do that with how selfish he was. The door to the medical station was open already and you just walked in and placed the smaller boy on one of the beds before alerting the nurses in the room. Soon enough they kicked you out after realizing how severe Yuji’s condition was and that you had sustained no injuries. Megumi walked in as you walked out, noticing how upset you were to leave the room without your boyfriend.

“He’ll be fine, he’s strong.” The other sorcerer tried to comfort you, it helped a little at least.

“I know, I just wish I was in there to be with him.” A small smile graced your lips as you began your walk to the third year dorms. You couldn’t sleep that night, too worried about Yuji’s condition to get more than a couple minutes at most. When the sun began to show through your curtains you gave up and headed to where Yuji was recovering, hoping to at least see him in a better condition than the night before. Walking into the room you saw Yuji laying on a bed with his arm and upper body in bandages and a partial cast, the sight just made you upset to see him so beat up. Sitting next to the bed you placed a hand on his good one, all you wanted to do was hold him and just be the way you were not even hours before he was sent on the mission.

A good hour or two passed of you just sitting there with a head resting on the mattress and your hand in his, then you felt something. His hand was gripping yours…HIS HAND WAS GRIPPING YOURS! Looking up at his eyes they were beginning to open, adjusting to the bright lights in the room, then looking at you.

“Hey, what happened?” His voice was hoarse but it was relieving to hear him at all.

“You uh, you were attacked by a special grade cursed spirit yesterday and it shattered your shoulder blade, you passed out on impact and then they sent me to exorcize the spirit. How are you feeling? Do you need anything, I can get the nurs-”

“I’m fine.” He interrupted your questions, not needing anything from them, just you. “I’m just happy you’re here and that we're both alive.” His smile made you all the happier as you stood up to sit on the side of the bed. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder, being very delicate to not touch the damaged one before leaning your head on his.

“I’m glad you’re alive too, I don’t know what I’d do if you died, something drastic probably.” You both chuckled at your words. Everything was fine now with just the both of you resting on the hospital bed in the early morning quiet.

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 17: Today's Writing Work

My main (only) accomplishment today was finally sitting down to re-read the old Jonty fic and write up my notes on the rest of it. I have to admit that I re-read it and really didn’t feel much of anything. I wasn’t inspired or emotional or even all that gung-ho about jumping back into the universe and playing in it some more. I really is true that that story had its time and that time was 2017 and if I didn’t finish it then, it wasn’t because it was done or because I had nothing else to say, but because I just… didn’t, I didn’t have the drive or sufficiently immediate ideas or whatever. The story had no notes, not outline, nothing but the 6k of text that it looks like I wrote over a couple of weeks, t I don’t even have any particular memories of writing it to help me out.

Still, I don’t want to abandon it. I don’t want to publish it unfinished when it could be finished in so few scenes and I don’t want to just stuff it back in the vault and continue lying to myself about finishing it later. And I don’t want to just admit I’ll never finish it because I’m way too stubborn.

Also, it’s okay for some writing to just be workmanlike. A lot of the last scenes of the Time Loop kinda were, to be honest. But I didn’t worry too much about it; I knew I wanted to finish it, so I finished it, and writing itself feels good more often than not, regardless of what I’m writing, and there’s a lot in the last 1-2 chapters that I really like and am proud of. It’s always work. Like it’s way easier to be excited about something hypothetically than to actually DO it, that’s always true, so maybe it doesn’t matter too much if that initial excitement about the concept isn’t there? I just got to do it.

I will say that allowing myself to just think about it casually, and then actually doing some work on it, got me a little more excited, at least to be accomplished if not to get into this particular ‘verse. I also looked at old J/M gifsets and stuff and then I accidentally reread all of Iridescent, which, honestly, holds up really well. It made me feel soft for them again.

I still don’t feel, like, super psyched? But I do have that anxious sort of gearing up energy that I hope will lead to actual writing, maybe even tomorrow. That’s always part of it for me: I actually write things when I get so jittery about having the words in my head I just NEED to let them out and then I just RUN through them and see what happens. I also wrote a lot of notes for myself for the two canon scenes in particular, kind of just wrote out all of the dialogue points but skipped the specific wording and the description. Maybe it was too much and it will hurt the finished product but… I did it basically as proof of concept and because I wanted to give myself as much of a crutch as possible. Like literally all I need to do is set up the scene, then move back and forth between these predetermined dialogue points. I don’t usually go that detailed in notes, though it’s not totally unprecedented, but knowing that this story did have a particular purpose and that I’m only writing 3 more scenes to finish, I really wanted to make sure there was a place for every bit of dialogue I wanted to include and that I wouldn’t miss anything at the last minute. There’s a lot of not-talking and not-explaining in the first 6k I won’t lie. It probably will be jarring to read it and see that all of a sudden in the last third or so, everyone knows how to communicate suddenly lol. But I’ll try to make it all fit as well as possible!

[mermaidsirennikita]

Have you sean any Shonda shows aside from Bridgerton? I'm tempted to watch but I'm told they get bad after a few seasons

I have seen... most Shonda shows aside from Bridgerton, I'm afraid lol.

Grey's Anatomy--Obviously has been on for a million years, I have been watching with some off and on periods (currently off but I check in) since... season 2. Grey's Anatomy is a BEAST. It's obviously her biggest show (Bridgerton stans I'm sorry baby but y'all can and probably never will stand up to the cultural BEHEMOTH that is Grey's, which has been on for ALMOST. TWENTY. YEARS. Ugh choke me.) In a lot of ways, Grey's is a standard medical soap, much like E.R. In other ways, it is both better and worse. I will not lie--the DRAMA of the early seasons is amazing. Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy is kinda legendary. Season 1 ending on "and you must be the woman who's screwing my husband?"

Like, whatever you feel about Meredith and McDreamy (they are... something............) the Meredith/Derek/Addison love triangle is something I don't think a lot of shows would attempt today because everything is boring and Cheating Is Evil, which means all of the people in that triangle are Evil and Bad and We Can't Like EvilBad People. Addison is one of my favorite characters on TV, which is why I also watched the entirety of the spinoff, Private Practice, which isn't anything to write home about and they kinda botched Addie at points, but she gets her HEA and I'm good with that part. It has some really emotional moments.

Also, the Denny Duquette arc in season 2 is kind of the sort of TV that everyone should at least watch for like, the history of it all. Cristina Yang is one of the greatest TV characters of all time, imo. (Cristina and Burke... whatever Isaiah Washington is irl, Cristina and Burke were a VERY compelling ship to me back in the day lol. She was his mentee??? He was her boss???? They were both kinda cool operators except they fell in love? It was toxic but it was good.

Scandal is... again, iconic TV, but damn did it fall off. I mean lol, the first two seasons were incredibly compelling TV. I'd watch them again. High drama. I hate Olitz as a couple, but I mean. There was some weird stuff happening in that show, and I did kinda eat it up. B6-13 was weird, but it did bring me Papa Pope, and I loved that nutjob. THE SMARTEST GUY IN THE ROOM. EVIL DAD.

Still Star-Crossed is bad, don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise, it should've been cancelled when it was lol.

I hate Inventing Anna. I'm glad that the Julia Garner hype seems to be dying a bit, I do not see it for her as this Great Talent at all lol.

How to Get Away with Murder.... Not something she wrote, but it has Shonda all over it. Viola Davis gives the type of performance that like, took the innovation of Olivia Pope to another level. Both were obviously something we really didn't see a lot of on mainstream primetime TV before this, and I think Shondaland does deserve props for making it prominent--the true Black antiheroine, and honestly in both Olivia and Annalise's cases, borderline villainous heroines. Also, it gave me Wes, who I love so much, and Alfie Enoch was so good in this role, and Wes and Annalise's relationship was so like... pseud-maternal/filial, but I also felt like they could kiss at any moment? The kind of dynamic usually reserved for white characters with an older man/younger woman. Season 3 really uhhhh screwed me lol, but the first two seasons, especially the season 1 arc? OOOH COMPELLING.

[whentherewerebicycles]

oh i am powerfully grumpy today let me list the reasons why to break their hold over me! and then i will list the substantive good things that will counterbalance the grumpiness.

WHY AM I GRUMPY

didn’t sleep well and got up too early (this, as you will see, is probably the root of all other ills)

was pretty cranky with ruthie at 5am because she wouldn’t poop and wanted to just wander around outside & take a little walk instead. which fine but i was so tired and grumpy already haha. and then i always feel like a CRUEL MONSTER after i have spoken to her a bit sharply because she is a sweet little girl and sometimes you just don’t have to poop ok! also sometimes when i have been short with the dogs i am like oh great this is like a two-second glimpse of the lowest setting of sleep-deprived parenthood i bet i am going to handle that GREAT. (you can see here how i was already in that Mood where your crabbiness starts magnetizing all other free-floating crabbiness in the ether towards it)

got a little cranky on the phone with my mom because it felt like she was taking a liiiittle dig at me about the salary cut i’m taking (i don’t think she intentionally was i was just already kind of grumpy and sensitive) 

i am experiencing some lowgrade anxiety about the HSG test tomorrow, partly because i have read that is going to be moderately painful and partly because i am worried it will reveal bigger problems

my lead just straight up stood me up for a meeting today lol... i was on the teams call for 10 min just waiting and then she didn’t respond to any of my messages so i hung up but can’t really wander away from my laptop in case she calls me back... i’ve been just kinda Over It for a while but man it is annoying when she does stuff like this. also lol she did the thing in a meeting yesterday where i offered to review this tiny inconsequential project real quick with my boss and my lead jumped in to be like “to make the best use of [boss]’s time, i think it’s best if i review the content first to ensure everything looks okay” which is code for “i am going to make one formatting change and then schedule a meeting with our boss without inviting you where i imply that your work was so shoddy i had to make MAJOR changes to salvage it.” i was just like sure girl. whatever. enjoy these last few days of getting to powertrip over me. you are so close to being in my rearview mirror forever.

i only have like 1-2 pointless work projects left before my last day (next friday) but they are so pointless and so hazily defined that working on them plunges me into a deep work despair spiral even though i am SO close to being done with this stupid job. i know i need to just pull myself together and finish them but wow. i hate this.

some IRL friend stuff is making me a little bit irritated and i just need to sit down for a minute at some point and decide if/how i want to react to it. it’s genuinely not a big deal it’s just one of those situations where there have been multiple small annoyances that are not exactly anyone’s fault but cumulatively just make me feel a little put-out. however i am aware that if i’d slept 2 more hours last night i might feel totally different about it so i am just bracketing it today.

phew okay. now WHAT ARE SOME OF THE GENUINELY GOOD & MEANINGFUL THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE FILLING ME WITH A SENSE OF GRATITUDE THAT I GET TO BE ALIVE IN THIS WORLD IN THIS MOMENT?

i wrote for 3+ hours this morning and feel really intrigued by the project... not sure if i have a sense of where it’s going yet but it’s been quite a while since i’ve been in that headspace where you wake up and reach blearily for your phone right away because you’re just HUNGRY to review the writing you did the previous night & start working on the new draft. i am very, very much hoping that a change of job and scenery will jumpstart my creativity a bit... i think it’s just challenging to write when literally nothing is happening in your life. you have all this open unstructured time, which means you don’t value any of the time you have (because if you don’t write in THIS empty moment you can always put it off to the next empty moment!), and then you are just sitting at home not experiencing any social or intellectual stimuli so i feel like you don’t get that “lots of ideas sloshing around in my brain... new encounters triggering new ways of looking at or connecting them... back-burner brain stuff simmering while doing other activities” stuff going. ANYWAY this is all to say it feels good to be writing again & feeling excited about writing whether or not this one sticks. i am just happier when i am engaging in the practice of making things even if i am not finishing things.

part of why i started writing again is that i got two extremely long, detailed, thoughtful comments on my last story from another writer that just made me feel so, so good and creatively energized. all comments are soooo good/valued but i feel like there is something extra special about getting that kind of extremely detailed feedback from a talented writer who picks up on why you did certain things and has a very clear sense of the really, really time-intensive revision and redrafting work that goes into weaving multiple layers into a story. i read the comments yesterday and at first was happy but also kind of in a funk about it - like it was SO nice and affirming to receive them but i have also kind of built that story up in my mind to be the best/most fully realized thing i’ve ever written and can sometimes get down on myself feeling like i’ll never be able to top it or even repeat it. but then i read the comments several more times and started thinking about some of the specific scenes or choices the person was highlighting and just remembering how many times i patiently reworked not-great versions of those scenes to just steadily make them better and more effective. and i was just like okay listen. it just takes hard work and time. i have to put in the hard work. i have to invest the time. i have to give up the fantasy that the first version i write (or the second version or the tenth version) is going to be, or should be, perfect. i’m so proud of that polished final work but to get there i had to really keep the draft shitty and unfinished and patchworked-together and rough around the edges so that i could have the flexibility to rearrange things and torpedo what wasn’t working and generate new ideas through new combinations of rough material. so get over yourself and get to work, you idiot, or you really will never make anything again because you’ll have gotten wrapped up in some fantasy of doing things perfectly the very first time. ANYWAY it was a journey haha but those comments got me moving again and it really made me remember again how much i value being part of a creative community where you get to have that kind of engagement with other readers and writers.

i think it’s going to be a stupidly gorgeous day out! and then a stupidly gorgeous next week or two! soooo nice to have nice weather!! spring is here!!! i scrubbed down the deck last night before bed finally and am now just awaiting the delivery of the outdoor rug and side table.

 i had a really, really good catch-up call yesterday afternoon with a former mentee i worked closely with for a few years in my last job. i thought she was probably reaching out to ask about a letter of rec or something but it turned out that she actually just wanted to tell me about how this project she started years ago with me has continued to grow/evolve and has led to these pretty major institutional changes around making caste a protected class at our university. she was just like, ‘i’ve been thinking about you so much all year because everything we’ve been doing is rooted in the research ethos you taught me in that program. and then it just occurred to me that instead of just thinking about you i could reach out to tell you about how much you shaped this work.’ it was just so good to hear from her and so amazing to hear about this stuff she and her co-organizers have been able to achieve in the last couple years!! it made me feel really good/happy (for her but also obviously it’s just nice when people say nice things about your teaching impact!) and i also feel like it kinda lit a fire under me a little bit... like this past year has been so isolating and i think one thing i’ve missed is the way that students’ passionate commitments push YOU to be more engaged in your own life/community and more awake in your own life. i feel like this student in particular always pushed me to be more honest you know... she’s one of those people who is continuously pursuing difficult, important work because she believes it’s the right thing to do and she knows she has the skillset to do it. so i just want to hold onto that feeling you know... like as i begin to become more involved in the life of a campus community again and more connected to students i just want to keep pushing myself out of this period of isolation and into the world to do meaningful work.

[soraka-in-warhammer40k]

How to rework the T'au Axiliaries as the new cornerstone of the army:

Because let's be real right now there is Kroot and not much else, and T'au deperatly needs them to maintain ANY sort of unique identity, now that the Votann are firmly standing on the high-tech-guns and being a "shooting focussed gunline" definetly is not a unique thing looking at the coming Guard Codex. With a focus on the different species of the T'au Empire however, one can build a clear idenity, one that also means that the army is an absolute blast to collect and paint: for many species means a high diversity of models and visual design within a single army.

Setting the framework:

Right now, that support of Auxiliary Races in the Codex is a pure afterthought shoved into Dalyth Sept. For a load bearing design-aspect of the faction, this cannot stand. So instead, every Sept should get an extra ability like this:

"If all units in your detachment are < X Sept>, <T'au Auxiliary Units> of the following type gain the <Sept> Keyword, and <specific Unit Name> gains the <Core> Keyword"

Here's the list of how I'd spread this over the existing Septs:

T'au Sept: None. This is the pure T'au coreworld military, however they should have at least one generalist buff that also applies to these units as well.

Vior'la Sept: Vespids. The "Speed is Life"-Sept gets the fast attackers.

Sac'ea Sept: Kroot. Sacea is for Infantry hordes, so Kroot go here.

Bor'kan Sept: , more on that later

Farsight Enclaves:

Dalyth: ALL the races. Maybe even with a bonus that for every unit you can include one unit in the HQ slot that does not count towards the upper detchment limits.

Furthermore, for every Auxiliary Race there should be WARLORD TRAITS, RELICS, and on a general note AT LEAST ONE POINT UPGRADE SYSTEM - also known as Prototype Systems - INSPIRED BY THE FACTION. That lat bit is more for reasons of lore, but it would be nice. Just take what we already got for the Kroot, and expand on that.

I also wrote <New Auxiliaries> two times, so please let me elaborate on that. But before I go into the details on what those should look like to compliment the overall design, let me talk about how these models in general should be sold. Because to say it in simple terms:" Many new units also means many new product, and too many proudct make customer go <Decision Paralysis> or <Intimidated>. That is not supposed to happen."

So instead, there should be TWO boxes per race:

The "Many Models Box" including the unit that will get in the quanitity to field a max. size squad plus an unnamed HQ. So by today's rulebook 20 Kroot Carnivores + a Kroot Shaper. Of course you could sell the HQ seperatly as solo models, but remember: "Too Many Product Bad, Few Bestseller Product Good".

The "Few Models Box" that includes whatever "special thing" the race has to offer and that synergizes with the unit. For the Kroot, that would be the Great Knarloc.

Alright, so for every auxiliary race we need essentially three units: one unnamed HQ, one potential <Core> unit, and an outlandish "special" thing. The thing is, to make all of them unique at their little niches, every <Core> unit should sit on a different Battlefield Role Slot.

So we got the Kroot for the "Troops", and the Vespids for "Fast Attack". That means the other two still have to be filled. The "special" unit meanwhile can be literally anything, as I will showcase in my examples below. Let's go through how a "reworked" lineup could look like:

Auxiliary Race #1 Kroot:

HQ: Shaper

Core - Troops: Carnivores

Special - Heavy Support: Great Gnarloc

We all know the Kroot, and given how they already have relics and warlord traits, all they really need is a big hitter unit that also has an buffing effect for their troops.

Auxiliary Race #2 Vespids:

(Look at those old af models first. We NEED an update here!)

HQ: Strain Leader

Core - Fast Attack: Vespid Stingwings

Special - Flyer: Vespid Hive Fragment

Imagine showing up to the table and first thing you do is set down a beehive with some engines on it. I imagine it as a special heavily armored transporter that has special rules for <Infantry> units with the <Fly> Keyword. Naturally syngerizing with Vespids, but also relevant for several flavors of Battlesuits.

But now we are entering uncharted territory, so please forgive me for being a bit vague.

Auxiliary Race #3 Elites. Idea: Psykers

Yeah we know the T'au are not Psykers, but what about their many many allies? By this point it would be weird not to have one of them be proficient in the arts of the arcane.

To promote maximal visual diversity, next to the the avian yet flightless Kroot, and the insectoid yet humanoid Vespids, I propose: marine life-form on land, transported in special "reverse diving suits" or bubbles of water held together by containment fields and/or psykic power. Cephalopods might be the way to go here, but there are quite a number of designs one could get from fish, eel, or jellyfish.

Given how much they would rely on technology to even leave their usual biosphere, putting them with Borkan sounds logical.

HQ: Psyker with powers specifically buffing his allies.

Core - Elite: max. 5 models, absurdly fragile but powerful offensive output

Special: singular big unit with a powerful defensive aura and an increased range on its psykic powers, either HQ or Heavy Support.

Auxiliary Race #4: Heavy Support. Idea: Melee

Now this should be a bit less controversial: all we need is something to sit next to the Broadside Battlesuit, and given how the fields of bird, insect, or marine lifeforms are now all occupied, I'd propose either a gigantic mamalian creature or something more repitloid.

However, that T'au Codex does not make it easy to compete between Hammerhead Railguns, Riptides, and Broadside Rail Cannons, so these auxiliaries need to do something only auxiliaires are allowed to do in this book: which is being good at melee, and what would make them a good fit with the Fasright Enclaves.

HQ: A defensive brick wall to make sure your slow lumbering melee threats get into range. Imagine a "Shield Bearer" of some sorts.

Core - Heavy Support: max 3 models per unit, Melee Monsters with seemingly primitive weapons enchanced by T'au tech.

Special - Fortification: the "ancient" version of these aliens, having reached a size where it can essentially fulfil the role of a Tidewall Fortification, which is to transport units while moving, while possibly being able to attack on its own.

Auxiliary Race #5 BUT WHAT ABOUT GUEVESA?

So you want Fire Warriors but worse? Or a unit that is essentially the same as Fire Warriors with some cosmetic changes? That'd just be pointless, and just being able to splash in Guard would be stealing from the Genestealer Cult's Brood Brothers gimmic.

However, I do like the idea of at least one human model in the T'au range, so here's my last dumb idea for this: give Dalyth, as the original auxiliary sept, a special multiple-model HQ unit like "Gaunt's Ghosts" - except it includes a member of every species listed here before, a human, and a Water Caste T'au diplomat. For further creative options, all the members could be "unusual" members of the species, such as a winged Kroot for example.

I'd call it the "auxiliary team", or the "A-Team" for short. :)

"But is that not way too many new model kits?"

Why yes, yes it is. And I remember what I wrote above about "Too Many Product Bad". This is why I propose the removal/consolidation of the following as individual model products:

Kroot Hounds (pack them in with the other Kroot boxes like drones to the regular T'au)

Krootox Riders (irrelevant in the context of this book, niche for Kroot can be filled by new Great Gnarloc)

Kroot Shaper (put into the Carnivores box)

Piranas (who needs bikes when you got battlesuits with jetpacks?)

Pathfinders (give them a shared box with the Fire Warriors, so out of one box you could build one of three different things. Good chance to update the interaction Strike and Breacher teams have with their support drones/turrets)

Tidewall Droneport and Tidewall Shieldline (No one uses fortifications even on the best of days unless they bring something truly unique to the table, so there's no need to have THREE DIFFERENT ONES. Keep the Gunrig tho, that one's funky and gives a nice nod to T'au's original design of BIG ASS GUN.)

With that I just slashed 7 boxes, while even when counting the meme A-Team unit I mentioned on #5 it only comes to 7 new products to be sold. What a coincidence, its almost like I thought about it a little!

In fact, the one or other box probably would not hurt, so we might as well keep the Piranas. We can have a blob of 5 bikes with a D6+4 damage gun each. As a treat.

So yeah that's my take on it, to move the T'au's design way from being the "Fish of Fury"/"Triptide" shooting-gimmic and more to what it should be: the potentially most diverse looking force in the entire 41th millenium, save for maybe some wonky stuff Chaos can come up with. They still shoot like crazy, but now at least that is not all they can do.

[0verthinking1t]

Roll for initiative!

Good morning mental health blog! Yesterday I talked about my task menu and Megaboard, and the ridiculous system I have for organizing tasks. I'm happy to say that so far, it's working pretty well! It's been especially helpful keeping track of the tasks I ended up wandering off to during the day— it helps my self esteem to realize that I'm still accomplishing a lot, even if I can't see it on my to-do menu. I don't have to feel bad or argue and justify to myself why nothing got done in a day.

Today, I want to share something I call Random Encounters! I got this idea from How To ADHD on YouTube, and I decided to call it something fun and D&D related to gameify it and make it fun. It's pretty simple.

all it takes is a D20 die, some phone alarms, and a place to write/type a list. I wrote out a list of 20 small activities I can do without effort or planning, with a focus on physical movement and changing my environment. It's important to be REALLY specific; "do 3 squats" is a lot less paralyzing than "do squats", so I'm more likely to just accept it and do it right away, and "throw a juggling ball for 5 minutes" is less likely to distract and throw off my whole day than "throw a ball". Being specific helps quiet the brain fog voice that says "but that could mean anything, what's even the point? Will just throwing an object once or touching my toes for 5 seconds really even do anything??" And empowers me to actually do the things, because I know they're quick, effortless, and will definitely make me feel healthier. Some of the activities are more complicated or more sustained than others, but having to take the chance of rolling them adds to the fun. It's like playing a game with your friends where you could end up drinking a shot of pineapple juice with sugar OR straight lemon juice; the fun is in the chance that you could get a challenge instead of a treat.

To keep myself accountable and make sure I actually use the tool, I set 3 alarms at slightly weird times through the day. Times like 11:13 and 2:20, when I'm less likely to get into the rut of expecting it to happen. I also used a ringtone app to set the noise to JoCat (A Crap Guide videos on YouTube) saying "clickity-clackity you're about to get attackity" for a little added D20 fun 😛 every time JoCat tells me to roll for initiative, I roll the D20, check the list, and do whatever activity I landed on. After, I'm free to continue whatever I was doing, or use it as a refresh point and pick another Menu item to accomplish.

And that's it! It's just a fun little way to break up my day a bit and get me doom scrolling a bit less, and the bonus is that it helps my awareness of time. Here's my Random Encounters table, in case anyone wants to use it or take inspiration from it:

5 toe touches

Hang off my bed upside down

Go to the living room for 5 minutes

Put some ice in my waterbottle

Look for Blyth (he's very good at hiding)

Bug my roommate's cat for 5 minutes

Play with my roommate's cat for 10 minutes

Go to the porch for 5 minutes

Move to a song - you only have 2 minutes to pick one!

Spin in my desk chair for 3 minutes

5 lunges

3 squats

Stretch my arms and shoulders on a doorframe

15 calf raises (tiptoes)

Throw a juggling ball for 5 minutes

Change a piece of clothing

Hang from a doorframe

Plank for 10 seconds

Put one thing away

Wash 1 dish

Ironically, my Random Encounter alarm went off as I was writing this post. I rolled a 3 for going to the living room, and then realized I haven't had breakfast yet, so instead of timing it for 5 minutes, I decided to use the excuse to change my scenery and have breakfast in the sun 😊 because of that random encounter, I'm eating a meal, taking my meds, got to say good morning and pet Mars, and I got to see another human as one of my roommates was on his way out for the day. Promising myself to be accountable for at least the bare minimum has already made a major improvement to my day and my health.