#(yes that is her name... this show is a trainwreck)

[lovesick-level-up]

Bi4Bi + T4T Vegebul Circle Icons

nobody requested, our bakugo bullied me into doing these because i've been wanting to, but been scared. shout out to him one time.

anyway. dragonball brainrot. we genuinely really enjoy the show and the characters lmao, we don't know how it happened either. are there even people in the editing community who like dragonball other than us... probs not, but if you do exist, please request dragonball edits, we'll love you forever. also, vegebul bi4bi and t4t. they told me themselves.

feel free to use with credit as long as you aren't on our dni, but don't claim as your own! like/reblog if you save or enjoy!

[bumblekastclips]

KYLE CROUSE: Alright, we got one last question. It’s from JediPony. [chuckles] Love that name, I don’t know why. It makes me laugh. [reading question] “How would you write an 06 adaptation in Sonic X?” Here’s the question, would you write the 06 adaptation in Sonic X the show, or Sonic X the comic?

IAN FLYNN: [laughs] KYLE: It’s very— two very different things. IAN:Very different things. I don’t know, if we’re gonna be true to the source material, then Elise doesn’t really have a role, and Chris is the one who has the Flames of Disaster sealed inside him. KYLE: [laughing] Oh no! Oh! IAN: “Chris, whatever you do, you can’t cry!” [as Chris, weepily] “But why?!” [Iblis roar] KYLE: It’s all he does! [laughs] No! IAN: Oh, man, now I’m imagining Mephiles with, like, that really bad early 2000s CG effect. All these awful filters flyin’ around. KYLE: Oh, God, no! [laughing] This would be awful. IAN: You’d have, like, the budget episodes where Soleanna and New City are just, like, these flat, grey urban textures that have like, no depth, but then you get to the final episode where they’re doing the Super fight against Solaris, and the animation bump goes through the roof, and it’s glorious. And you forgive the last 26 episodes of your life that you’ve wasted watching it so far. KYLE: Mhm. IAN: [choking the words out through high pitched, wheezing laughter] This means Chris is the one that kisses Sonic back to life! [fit of maniacal laughter] KYLE: [frantic, horrified laughter] No! No! No! No! Ian, no! Ian! No! IAN: [prolonged cackling laughter] KYLE: The worst timeline! Oh, no! IAN: Oh, and Eggman has to be as close as they can get him to photorealistic Eggman in the Sonic X style. KYLE: No! IAN: Which does not work at all! KYLE: No, no, no! No! This is not going on the thumbnail! No! IAN: [wheezing laugh] KYLE: No, do not put this on the thumbnail! [laughing] IAN: Oh, my goodness, just imagine the art errors for Silver’s head alone… KYLE: Oh… no… oh, no… at least Dan Green could still be the voice of Mephiles. IAN: Oh, yeah, that’d be fantastic. [microphone glitches] That’s the only reason to do this. KYLE: That would be— yeah. Oh… IAN: Oh, would they try to hand-animate Omega? Or would he be like, early 2000s CG? KYLE: Just crappy CG, no! IAN: That you just composite into each shot… oh, man, it’d be awful! KYLE: [pained sound not unlike he is receiving a fully conscious appendectomy] Oh! IAN: Wait! [microphone glitches again] They did the weird thing with Sonic and Shadow’s spines when they would turn their heads. What would Silver look like?! KYLE: [resigned groan] IAN: Would it just be like, one giant spine, depending on the angle? [bursts into laughter] KYLE: [groans as if he is dying] Ian… what are you doing… why are you— IAN: [microphone glitches again as if resisting] The Iblis monsters would have the terrible CG effects, too! KYLE: Why am— why am I the reasonable one!

IAN: [laughs] KYLE: Why am I the one who’s being… [gives up on finishing this sentence] IAN: Forget the comic, the comic can’t hold a candle to this idea! KYLE: Oh, no… IAN: [in awe] What a glorious trainwreck! KYLE: What’s even funnier is that your mic is trying to stop you. IAN: [cackles] KYLE: It’s not working. [laughs] So cursed! IAN: The whole thing would be so awful… KYLE: Yeah? IAN: But then there would be, like, this incredibly well-written and poignant subplot about Elise dealing with her emotional trauma, and how Soleanna as a country even works. And it’s like, maybe an episode, maybe two that really gets into it and fleshes out this world in a meaningful and robust manner. KYLE: [chuckles] Yeah. IAN: And that’s it. That’s like— that and Dan Green are the only redeeming things out of this season. KYLE: [sigh, reading chat] Ian, in the chat… IAN: Yeah. KYLE: In the Bumblekast Discord server, open it up. There’s a little piece of art there. Someone has, uh, sketched Silver. [chuckles] IAN: [seeing it, delighted, evil] Yes! KYLE: [laughing] IAN: Cursed Toucan Sam! KYLE: [cackles] Oh no! Why do you…? No! Awful! Toucan— IAN: [as Silver] “Just follow my nose, wherever it goes!” KYLE: [horrified, amused] Toucan Silver! No! [emits the world’s most drawn-out, pained cry of defeat] IAN: Psycho-beak-nesis! KYLE: [laughing] Bumblekast was a mistake! IAN: [laughs] It was, but at least we’re over with it for today. KYLE: [laughing] Oh… I guess so.[outro music fades in]

EPISODE THUMBNAIL by the incredible @nintendoni-art

—— TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: Please remember that nothing that is said on BumbleKast is canon! It’s just some guys and their opinions occasionally spitballing ideas. If you don’t like an answer, you don’t have to take it as Word of God or anything like that. It’s all just for fun!

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Got tagged by @chaotic-neutral-knitter to share my favorite fics I've written and I feel a little bad not putting any of my 3 OFMD fics on the list. But in my defense it was very hard to choose between my 116 slutty slutty children, and while I like my OFMD fics a lot (especially Learning and Remembering) I decided to limit myself to five fics across all the fandoms I have written for over the past nine (!!) years, and there are some that stand above the rest.

Maybe I'll Show You the Way (Dune, Paul/Chani). Maybe my recency bias is showing but I really think this is one of the best things I've written. Paul and Chani's whole "falling in love while fighting side by side in an anti-colonial armed resistance movement" romance in Dune Part Two felt like it was designed in a lab to appeal to me specifically, and I just wanted more of it! What started with a simple "5 times they fucked in between fighting the Harkonnens" premise has become a novella-length character study about war, politics, solidarity and resistance to oppression in all its forms, interlaced with a very sweet, youthful first-love romance that always has a bittersweet edge because we the audience know these characters are living in a tragedy. This fic is one chapter from completion and I've been stalling because I really wanna stick the landing on this one, but it will get finished!

a narrow door, swiftly closing (Dune, Paul/Duncan) Different ship, different era (post-Dune Part One) and a very different vibe. The fun of this ship is the multiple power imbalances running in different directions (younger/older, student/teacher, lord/vassal, end product of a 90-generation eugenics program with a mind that can bridge time and space/Just Some Guy). It's also got that chewy age gap thing where the older character has watched the younger character grow from a child to an adult and has to wrestle with the realization that they find them sexually attractive now. Peak forbidden romance and mutual pining in this one and not just one but two of my favorite finally-crossing-the-line kisses I have ever written.

Three Times Is a Habit (Trust, Primo/The Other Paul) Ah yes, my "which doomed curly-haired teenage twink heir to a powerful dynasty named Paul are we talking about?" era. For a hot second (most of 2021) I was really into this hidden gem FX limited series Trust, based (with many creative liberties taken) on the real kidnapping of John Paul Getty III in Italy in the 1970s. The fun of this fandom is that every ship is an absolute garbage fire of bad decisions, and writing the trainwreck emotional logic that leads to a traumatized teenager repeatedly hooking up with his kidnapper was an adventure. There's also a fun meta layer at play in the relationship between our reality, the fictionalized "true" version of the kidnapping that happens in the show, the lies the characters tell about the fictionalized version of the kidnapping in the show, and the version of the characters I'm writing, some of whom are based on real people and some of whom are made up. (Is this RPF? You decide.) This fic will make zero sense if you haven't watched the show. But you should! It's a wild ride with a great cast (Donald Sutherland presente!)

Salvage & Scrap (Mad Max: Fury Road, Gen) Two minor characters who have a combined total of maybe five minutes of screen time produced what was until recently my longest fic on AO3. This fic was based on a fantastic prompt: what if Ace (the older war boy who seems to be Furiosa's second in command on the War Rig) and Valkyrie (Furiosa's Green Place gal pal) both survived their violent vehicular encounters and met each other? The idea was immediately appealing to me because they both care about Furiosa but have known such different versions of her, and the way their worldviews would clash seemed like great story fodder. I still love the imagery of them meeting at the place where their worlds have literally collided--the wreck of the War Rig in the Rock Riders' canyon. Also I recently reread this and I forgot how devastating the tiny glimpse we get of Furiosa is in this fic.

Fightplay (Mad Max: Fury Road, Max/Furiosa) You know this list wouldn't be complete without a smutty Maxiosa fic. It was really hard to pick one piece of the 127k smut novel I wrote about them in non-chronological order over the course of about 3 years (2015-2018). But Fightplay was definitely the start of writing uhhh a certain kind of dynamic for them. The prose is very spare and exacting in a way that I still find hot 9 years later.

Tagging @thebyrchentwigges, @thetardigrape, @nandamai, @bethagain, @demolitionwoman-blog and anyone else who wants to do this!

[yakumtsaki]

-Oh Sunset, I'm so lucky to be in a loving relationship with such a kind, loyal and non-criminally insane person such as yourself!

You're so on the money, buddy, the only thing you missed was 'sexually repelled by cousins'.

-I CAN'T DO THIS, TYLER, YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME -I'm sorry! Also my name is Ty! -I KNOW BUT IT'S A STUPID NAME AND I'M NOT CALLING YOU THAT

She's right, Ty, and to top it off your last name isn't Union, it's like you're not even trying!

Bruh.. This chain of interactions from the hugging to the insulting to the making out took place in about 1 minute, I can't believe Stacy and Julian of all couples produced Sunset. Why can't you be more like your parents?? They were my cutest, healthiest couple ever!!

-They only thing they cared about having sex 50 a times a day! Aunt June basically raised me!!

Omg I'm looking at the pics of the spare updates I never posted because I suck and YA SHE DID, that explains so much, June is truly the platonic ideal of the hot-batshit combo.

Speaking of batshit-

-And hot!

If you say so, Barth is putting the moves on Marla Biggs, whomst we last saw when June (there she is again) used her to dump Erik-

-Yes, and that one wolf whistle from June turned me gay for all eternity, so don't even bother!

-UGH. So I guess I have no choice..

-..but to sleep with another one of my second cousins! -Oh Barth, I can't believe this is finally happening!!! -I know, Cyan, it took way too long!

We've been here for a week.

-Don't worry, nothing will interrupt this magical moment-WHAT THE FUCK I'M BEING CHEATED ON GOTTA RUN SORRY CYAN CATCH YOU LATER

Ok apparently I was laughing too hard to take a decent pic, but yes, BARTHOLOMEW CAUGHT HIS COUSIN 'CHEATING' ON HIM AS HE WAS HOOKING UP WITH HIS OTHER COUSIN. I HATE MY GAME.

-AND I HATE YOU, SUNSET. YOU BROKE MY HEART -FUCK YOU, BARTHOLOMEW, I'M NOT GONNA BE PART OF YOUR SECOND COUSIN HAREM -I HOPE YOU DROWN IN THE POOL -This was so beautiful, Sunset, I think I'm falling in love with you💙 -GET OUT OF HERE, TYLER -It's Ty! -NO ONE CARES, ASSHOLE -DON'T TALK TO TYLER LIKE THAT -That's not my name! -IT IS NOW, SHUT UP

I gotta hand it to Ty, he's in it to win it, whatever it is one could possibly 'win' when it comes to Sunset.

-Oh Sunset, you're the queen of my heart! -Gross!🥰

-Aw baby, I love spending all our awake time woohooing and doing nothing interesting, huhu!🌞 -It really is the best, thanks to your horrific LTW we don't even have to try! It's so awful people are bound to vote for us just to watch the trainwreck!

Ya I wish I had a counter-argument but you two really have this thing figured out, even I wanna watch me have a mental breakdown trying to raise your 6 asshole kids.

-Our kids are not gonna be assholes!🌞

LOL YA OK MEADOW, whatever helps you sleep at night.

-Meadow and Felina are not the only ones with a perfect relationship! Britannicus and I are also deeply in love!! I'm writing a novel about it as we speak!!!

Jimmy no offense but I literally forgot you live here and I can barely remember who Britannicus is half the time.

-THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED

Oh Britannicus here you are, thank God, you're so indispensable to this legacy!

-All you main-houser bitches look down on me but I have a lot to offer!! I'm grandpa Gunther's heir!!!

Of course you are, now give us the pizza so the people who matter don't die.

-I'll show you! I'll show you all!! >:(

Yes yes, it's been lovely catching up-

-and now it's time to get serious and break Cyan and Barth up! Hit us with your best shot, Marg, we've been on a winning streak lately with those matches, please don't go back to Cyn's leftovers.

-Got you, say no more..

-Here's Kennedy Cox!

MARGARET

-Well it's very hard to find someone Cyneswith hasn't banged!

Ok ya that's very true but Cyan is understandably like 😬 so let's try this again, here's another dollar.

-Alright, you didn't want Cyneswith leftovers..

-How about Sandy the Zombie leftovers??

I hope I don't have to explain to you why that's SO MUCH WORSE

-And I hope I don't have to explain to you that you get what you pay for when you give a dollar for a date!

Fucking touche, Marg, get out of here.

And now for another sequence of events so absolutely ridic I'm just gonna describe it with no dialogue:

So I send Cyan inside to check the college directory thing and see what available bachelors we might booty call up, but there's no one that I like for her so I send her back out to ask Margaret for another dollar date-

-once outside, we find BRITANNICUS SERENADING BARTHOLOMEW, to which Cyan has no reaction as she's probably too shocked-

-poor dumbass loved up Jimmy has no clue and is inside getting high-

-Cyan asks Marg for another date as Barth is performing the Second Cousin Vagina Monologues-

-Margaret gives us Neon Vest Zomb AGAIN and I'm like wtf-

-at which point Britannicus, who just one moment ago was serenading Barth, WOLF WHISTLES AT CYAN-

-CAUSING BARTH TO FEEL CHEATED ON AND DUMP HER

-BETRAYED BY MY OWN BLOOD TWICE IN ONE DAY! OH, THE SHAME!

BARTH SHUT UP. BRITANNICUS WHAT. THE. HELL

-I told you! >:D

Ok you know what, at least with this I feel we have peaked and there is simply no way the situation in this house can get more insane and degenerate-

-Think again!

NO FUCKING WAY. NO. SPICE WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU'RE DATING ELDERLY GOOD WITCH, I SPECIFICALLY FOUND YOU A GF TO KEEP YOU OUT OF THIS BS

-I know but there's something almost genetically inherited drawing me to Cyan! -Yes, It's almost like our parents were into each other but there was some invisible force separating them!

YA THAT WAS THE LAWS OF NATURE

-Oh please, it was the extended family mod and we no longer have to function under its oppression!

NOTHING IN THIS HOUSE IS REMOTELY FUNCTIONING. You know what, enjoy this while it lasts because I'm breaking every single one of you mofos up, istg I feel like I'm fighting the Hydra, I chop one semi-incestuous head off and two others pop up. WELL I'LL WIN LIKE HERACLES

I'd like to end this disgusting update with this image of the rose Ty left for Sunset next to the flaming shitbag Neon Vest Zombie left for Cyan. What is this world coming to that men no longer appreciate you cheating on them with 2 of your cousins during a date?? Chivalry is dead!

[microscotch]

“Maxxx truly has broken me. Everyone else in this house has broken me. I just can’t deal with it anymore, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to look at these guys after the treatment I have received.”

-”I... I don’t have it in me anymore!! Everyone here is a horrific backstabber... please just get me out of here!”

“I haven’t seen Angie all morning and...frankly I don’t give a shit after what I got to hear yesterday.”

-”Yes Isabella, thank you so much, that surely worked well! Screw both you and Namzib!”

“I was just searching for my charger and found a note on her table.”

-“ALRIGHT WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED, WHERE IS ANGIE??”

-“Woah, chill!”

-“I’m not chilling, we’re missing one whole cast member! That trainwreck gave us amazing quotes!”

-“You really are not at all like the official description your creator provided.”

-“Oh yeah, does that mean you’ll distribute Angie’s salary evenly across all cast members?<3”

-“You’re still not getting paid!”

-”Is nobody gonna address that we used to have two large ass windows over here?”

-”Is nobody gonna address that this show is called “Belladonna Shore” and we’ve never been to a beach?”

-”Thanks, Namzib. Clearly you’re the only member with a couple brain cells left.”

“So after Toni was done wildin’ about Angie leaving the house thanks to Namzib’s breakthrough, she immediately sent us to the beach. Literally. We didn’t even have a second to change.”

Shawty had them Apple Bottom jeans (Jeans), boots with the fur (With the fur) The whole club was lookin' at her She hit the flo' (She hit the flo'), next thing you know Shawty got low-low-low-low-low-low-low-low 🎶

“Look, I may be the hottest guy in all of Belladonna Cove, but I have NEEDS, too. And I feel like my girlfriend still has to like...get that.”

-“What’s up with you?”

-“Bro, it’s been three hours that my girl hasn’t been complimenting me or made any remarks about my huge follower count. Feelin’ like punching Roz while looking irresistible in my pajamas, where is he?”

-”I think he’s trying to find himself by sunbathing inside that rock over there.”

“I’m sick of these freaks just making out with each other.”

“I mean, I did kiss Maxxx but I just wanted to piss off Isabella. And after the whole tape courtesy problem kinda killed the mood last time I was about to get with a guy, I gotta find someone else.”

-“Alright, time to find a meatbag to earn screen time with...”

-“No. Looks like he’s spending his free time rewatching Stargate. Would be an awkward af experience.”

-“No. Spirit too broken.”

-”There we go. Long red hair, broad shoulders, no self awareness: Clearly the markers of an alpha meatbag.”

-“Your jaw is just as hot and your hair is just as flaming red as my fueling hatred for my housemate!.”

-“Wow, that’s one scary...compliment.”

-”And there’s plenty more where that came from.”

-”Hey, I’m trying to flirt here, inferior ginger. Walk over to the world’s most pathetic couple and perform your worry idle there.”

-“Ah, what a great day to hit the beach with the hottest girlfriend on the entire planet!”

-”Right? Aren’t the waves just beautiful!🌊 ”

-”....>>>:(”

“I’ve got a confession to make.”

“Nothing turns me on more than chicks in tracksuits. Like, to me it’s just the hottest way a girl can dress.”

-”Hey beautiful, are you wearing Adidas?💓”

-“Ah, we’re having an awesome time at the beach!”

-“DON’T WE, APRIL?”

-”OWW, F***ING PSYCHO!! Uh, I mean - ouch, that was a little heavy-handed!💚”

-“We totally do, babe! Nothing better than watching the waves do the same thing for five hours straight!”

“I’ve been observing sims for long enough to know how to seduce a guy, and Komei is no exception to that - he was melting.”

“Even though what’s-his-name was kinda killing the mood with his weird duck moves.”

“But it’s simple, you know. Just showing off my breakdancing skills.”

“Excessive tickling. I know what guys are into. Yeah, I’m guaranteed to be the shining star of this episode-”

-“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW.”

-“Oh, I’m just a pajama guy, in love with a tracksuit girl!⚽🌙”

-“COOL. NOW MOVE YOUR CAMERA BACK OVER HERE.”

-“My love, not even the sunset or the waves can match your beauty!”

-”Oh Maxxx, your sunlit muscles are glowing so bright!”

-“I think I’m gonna vomit.”

-“I just returned from the bottom of these rocks. I am a different man now.”

-”Hey, cameras! We’re pillowfighting on the beach! Don’t you at all wanna know how we randomly got these pillows?”

-”Who the fuck are you talking to?”

-”Uh. No one.”

-”Thank you, finally.”

-”FUCK BEING A DIFFERENT MAN NOW, I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU!”

-“ALRIGHT, THAT’S IT. KOMEI, MOVE!”

-“Why do I have to watch this shit?”

-”I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU UP, APRIL!”

-”Komei, I’m literally massaging you, small price to pay. Stop complaining.”

-“BREAK HIS NOSE, MAXXX! AVENGE ME FOR WHAT HE DID YESTERDAY!”

-”TURN HIS FACE INTO PUDDING!!!!!”

-“Oh, Namzib!💘”

“What a hoard of freaks...”

-“Seems like my cab’s here. What do you say? You wanna come along? 💗”

-“Um. Ew. No.”

“...What?”

-”I...I WILL.....UAHAHAHASHSAHSAUSHUAAAAHAUAA”

-”OH YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING MEEEE!”

-”Isabella, I know I’m just a simple guy you keep rejecting, but I just HAVE to do this right now, in the midst of Namzib’s mental breakdown!”

-”Lyam what are you-”

[leiawritesstories]

rowaelin dating show fic?❤️ also i love your work!!

there aren't nearly enough heart emojis to express how ecstatic this ask made me feel ❤💕❤ here please have all of my love and a little something i whipped up 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

~~~~~~~~

The first date had been an absolute disaster.

Aelin didn't typically give such terrible reviews, but she was only being honest. The date with--what was his name again? Oh, right, Sam--had gone so poorly that even calling it a "trainwreck" would be generous. And she had even cut the guy some slack for being a half-nervous wreck the whole time.

Perils of dating The Bachelorette live on camera, or something.

Hell, even Aelin had taken weeks to get used to the eerie sensation of the cameras watching and recording everything, lurking in the background and waiting to send off their footage to some team of producers who'd no doubt edit a perfectly innocent exchange into sordid tabloid headlines. Never in a million years would she have guessed that she'd be chosen as the Bachelorette; also, never would she have guessed that she'd be enjoying the experience so much.

Since arriving at the shoot location, it had been a whirlwind of meeting the crew, negotiating what she was and was not willing to have filmed, negotiating social media, meeting her agent and manager, and getting a rundown on the twenty-four men who'd be competing for...well, for her. She'd received dossiers on each man and had read each file thoroughly, noting down the few that stood out to her.

Sam Cortland, 25, software designer. Fairly wealthy, boyishly attractive, had a charming dimple that appeared when he grinned, he was the only contestant who'd made her genuinely smile during the first episode.

Fenrys Moonbeam (yes, it was his actual name), 26, photographer and occasional male model. The man was a treat for the eyes, all height and muscles and espresso-toned skin and silky-soft golden curls that Aelin was jealous of. If nothing else, she'd have to steal his haircare routine.

And...Rowan Whitethorn, 28, entrepreneur--according to his file, at least. He hadn't hesitated to share that he was, in fact, the egregiously wealthy CEO of his own company, which he'd built from the ground up. The casual arrogance that had rolled off of him as he spoke about his business success was almost enough for Aelin to rethink her appreciation of his physical beauty.

Aelin sighed deeply as she strode up the front steps of her villa, painfully aware of the cameras tracking her steps, unlocked her front door, went in, and locked the door behind her. She'd been very clear that her villa was filming-free unless she invited a camera crew inside, and gods, she needed the space to just breathe. And kick her expensive shoes across the floor. And muffle a strangled scream in a designer throw pillow that probably cost more than her whole set of bedroom furniture.

Gods, that date with Sam had been an absolute nightmare. It had started off so well, with the two of them sharing easy conversation and laughing over the delicious dinner, but as soon as he'd said he wanted to take her on a "romantic stroll through the rose garden," Aelin had felt her stomach churn.

It was so...cliché. Painfully cliché. Whatever sparks she'd felt when she met Sam had been snuffed right out after that date.

Which left her two possible options: the gorgeous, flirtatious rogue whose slow grin could make her panties disappear, or the gorgeous, arrogant CEO whose dangerous smirk sent her heartbeat pounding.

Either way, she was headed straight for trouble.

[seaside-writings]

Hello, again all you wonderfully, wicked people!

As we know black cats are an essential part of the spooky season as well as an essential part of everyday life! So in honor of that, I made a prompt list dedicated to one of my favorite black cats Salem Saberhagen, who in my opinion had some of the most iconic dialogue in TV history!

I hope you all like this prompt list, and I hope it helps you create! And if you do use it, please credit/tag me so I can check out what you've made!

I hope you all stay blessed and safe throughout your day.

Lots of Love & Wishes: Celia 🖤🎃🕸🔮

P.s. I did change some of the dialogue so it would flow easier when it came to writing for different types of characters.

“You’re the only one who understands me,” “Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I care,” - “What are you doing?” “Nothing!” “You’re in a chatroom again pretending to be a woman, aren’t you?” “I like the attention.” - “I have lighted the fuse. Now I just have to wait for the kapowie! Muahahaha!” - “I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you; I just wanted to rule you,” - “You’ll be able to look back on all of this and get revenge,” - “Show me the tuna!” - "I never cared for the name Mildred," - “And let’s give a big warm welcome to sadness,” - “Someone’s gonna end up crying. Probably me,” - “Finally, someone whose life is more pathetic than mine!” - “You don't have to order me a pizza, but make it half sausage, half clam,” - “I need a little fresh air and a latte,”

“As long as you drop everything and stay focused on me, I should be fine,” - “Dogs guard. Cats watch and judge,” - “When I’m happy, I eat! When I’m upset, I eat!” - “Hooray, the toast is stuck! Danger, here I come!” - “They left behind. Be strong. Don’t cry,” - “Still want to take over the world?" - "Cheetos should be served at room temperature, you know,” - “Curse my sarcastic nature!” - “If you misbehave for just one instant, I’ll cut you, man,” - “Dear lord, you picked up a guy at the bus station,” - “It's the 90s, no one eats mortals anymore,” - “I’m rich! Rich, I tell you!” It’s only a few hundred dollars,” “I’m well-off! Well-off, I tell you!” - “Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony,” “I'm going to write him a very stern letter,” “You're a regular Mad Max, aren't you?” - “A tassel! Don’t you toy with me, you saucy minx!” - “Wow, you must feel like a huge loser,” - “Would you be terribly upset if I threw up in one of your shoes?” - “You laugh, you die,” - “I will not be ignored!” - “All I’ve done all day is eat, sleep, and stare off into space. What an awful existence,” “Hey! I don’t dump on your lifestyle," - “Could you either remove the bandages or kill me?” - “Sorry, thirty waffles is my limit,” - “You think a mirrored ceiling would be too much?” - “Why didn’t you stop them!?” “I was busy,” “Doing what!?” “Playing with my scrunchie,” - “We need a plan,” “How about we weep uncontrollably,” - “I urge you to accept me as your ruler!” - “I’ll be having a quiet weekend, curled up with Memoirs Of A Geisha,” - “Delivery. I want a pizza as fast as possible! And don’t forget the crazy bread!” - “And your face is a bit of a trainwreck too,” - “Tell Elton John he can’t start singing now,” - “I wasn’t always the stud muffin I am today,”

“You owe her an apology. Now! “I’m thinking of how to word it,” “Try 'I’m sorry,'” “Somehow, that just doesn’t feel right…” - “I’d rather be locked in the dishwasher again,” - “Does she know who you are?” “Why does everyone think that’s a necessary part of love,” - “I’m the ultimate bad example,” - “Don’t ask me, I was an English major,” - “Hey, leave the sarcasm to the professionals,” - “Get a real job. And some pants,” - “I’m a cat, I’m curious, so kill me,” - “Still want to take over the world?” “Yes! Wait, no! I meant no!” - “I’d be more nervous if I weren’t so good-looking,” - “Hey chicks, what’s the haps?” - “I’m trying to set the world record for grooving,” - “Sometimes I just like to hear myself talk,” - “You know me any excuse to wear taffeta,” - “Oh, right, I forgot. I’m an animal, I have no self-control,” - “Why am I finding it hard to summon sympathy?” - “Wow, I love a woman who can take charge!” - “I’ll be downstairs creating a distraction,” - “I’m trying to concentrate on expanding my intellectual horizons,” - “Wake up, woman! You’re not a princess, you’re a dragon!” - “Her new obsession is doing wonders for my wardrobe!” - “Please hurry! I’ve been in here for over an hour!” “Why didn’t you call us sooner?” “It wasn’t a problem until I ran out of peanut brittle!” - “So it's true. Taste does skip a generation,” - “I want to say something wise and wonderful right now, but I can't think of anything. Except I love you, and I hope the band knows some Ohio Player,” - “BOO!” “You look ridiculous,” “You were terrified, and you know it,” - “Halloween. Is it just another date on the calendar, or is a state of mind, or is a state of… being?”

[uniiiquehecrt]

Plz explain then the travesty that is love and thunder

A trainwreck directed by an egotistical six-year-old in a leech of a man's body who thinks he's a screenwriter and still plays pretend with his uwu self-insert OC.

.... real talk, though, in short:

The real travesty of Love and Thunder is that Thor is already made of love and thunder, and simultaneously Jane is the love to his thunder, and the MCU, through taika wai-feck-off, decided he can be neither of those things, and have no nice things. Thor is the most tragic character in the ENTIRETY of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and yes, I do think more tragic than Wanda.

He has lost :

his entire home planet

his people

his entire family of four (no hela does not count he was not connected to her and should have been odin's sister)

before which he lost his brother (his platonic soulmate, to boot) a total of 3 times emotionally, two of those physically

he lost his ENTIRE friend group because his half-sister murdered Volstagg, Hogun and Faendral; he never reconnected with Sif

his only good mentor/parental figure (heimdal) was stabbed through the heart in front of him

he lost his dignity, his crown, his birthright (voluntarily and otherwise)

he lost his self-worth, his sense of direction (bc the writers legitimately thought his arc was about stepping down from the crown instead of making it his own and growing into it in his own way, by his own merits, at his own pace and gave it to some literally no-name side character that showed up for one movie and never respected thor in the first place to even earn his title from him smh)

and taika's idea of rectifying any of this .... is to give him some random child he doesn't know, that he doesn't care for, and manipulate him into taking her under his wing not because of the kindness and limitless love of his own heart even after shutting himself down post!endgame, but because jane asked him to as her dying wish — and then say that THAT is his happy ending.

Tell me why Thor, the longest standing of the Big Three, the king of the stars, the hero who is by all respects the embodiment of love, gets no companionship, no friends, no home, no place to belong, when Tony got a hero's send off and Steve got to be with an alt!dimension Peggy.

[acatinafancyhat]

Watched Chess på Svenska last night since people have been recommending it! Boy it was A Lot. My family has no respect for bonkers Swedish musicals so i'm just gonna vent the thoughts i had while watching it here. Beware of spoilers (though I probably haven't even noted half of the crazy shit that happened this show is really something else).

I had only seen RAH Chess in Concert and a few snippets of other versions going into this so that was my baseline, but in hindsight these two versions aren't really comparable since they're barely trying to tell the same story...

This is a little long I apologize i had many thoughts (: Also this formatting may or may not work, I'm about to find out.

Act I

- First impression: oh wow Chess has a plot now

- So Anatoly is the protagonist? Interesting.

- I like Swedish Florence she's cute? However Swedish Freddie has been on screen for five seconds and he already Sucks

- Ok I was NOT prepared for drunk florence singing nobody's side but turns out that's exactly what this musical needed

- Oooooohhhh Florence and Anatoly running into each other in the hotel could it be?? that this version?? actually invests in their relationship????

- Jean Jaques van Boren what a name, and he didn't even need one

- This arbiter is in a show all of his own look at the little man go he's so into it. Into what, I'm not sure.

- Wait is he flying on a wire because he's above the game is this symbolism

- Did Freddie... did he just... eat a chess piece?? I... what...??

- Aww hungover Florence is trying so hard to be dignified i'm already very up for her walking out on Freddie in this one.

- "the toads fall out of your mouth" heh idioms from other languages are the best

- Um this arbiter kinda gives me the creeps?

- Florence and Anatoly hanging out! bonding! not just running off into the sunset after being in the general vicinity of each other for 5 minutes!! (No offense to RAH Mountain Duet it's great and hating on Freddie together is a hilarious catalyst for their relationship but I'm actually getting invested here)

- Someone Else's Story is literally a different song but it works

- "husband" wait are Florence and Freddie supposed to be married in this?

- Sneaking away from Molokov ahahahaha

- oh sHIT YOU LEAVE THAT CHILD ALONE!

- And they are aware that there is no embassy in Merano yes thank you i did wonder about that like these places don't grow on trees how did they all even get there in RAH?

- Coming to the conclusion that everyone in Merano is batshit crazy

- And just realized that Walter isn't even here. Does he not exist? Has Sweden canceled the CIA?

- Swedish Mountain Duet is also a different song. Anatoly is very charming yet has lowkey Bastard vibes. Florence is clearly having a minor mental breakdown here maybe don't drag her into your midlife crisis? Oh well, at least he has some respect for her, unlike chess piece munching Freddie...

- But "She's my only friend" aw fuck now i have feelings about this asshole

- Anthem is good. Anthem is always good.

Act II

- Start of this act is already looking Intense

- Swedish Freddie is such a trainwreck my god.

- How To Lose a Girl in Ten Seconds the autobigraphy by Frederick Trumper

- "So you want to break up" FUCK the look on his face just killed me

- This Pity the Child is somehow more pathetic than other versions I have seen. And i mean that in the best way. He's hugging the pillow. Just wants mommy to love him. Fuck.

- So here's Endgame showing up early hmmm

- And here's Anatoly evolving from lowkey bastard into full on piece of shit. Has Svetlana done anything to deserve this abuse? Not to my knowledge, no.

- "You're an ass!" Sveta sweetie you are absolutely correct

- But at least he loves his kid I give him one (1) credit for that.

- I have mixed feelings about Heaven Help My Heart in RAH but it works much better here in terms of both timing and lyrics!

- Oohh new Svetlana song (heard of it but never heard it). Yes Sveta you TELL him.

- Merano reprise?

- Happy Florence!!! Happy Florence!!!! Happy Florence is adorable look at her precious smile!!!!!

- Aaaaand in comes freddie to fuck it up.

- (gets his kicks above the waistline but sure knows how to hit below the belt)

- "Take it easy, little friend" omg

- *aggressively clinging to each other while singing about how they never want to see the other person again* yep i'm dead

- This Freddie really has zero redeeming qualities AND YET

- oh random acrobatics? cool. i'm no longer surprised by anything that happens on this stage.

- Jean Jacques van Boren is back. I want to compare him to something but every time i see him my mind just goes blank in quiet horror.

- Svetlana strolling in to slay that cheating motherfucker

- Ok I support Sveta's rage always but I have to say i do not love this flipping of I Know Him So Well. I mean, what's the point? Why do they have to fight? It's not like it's Florence's fault Anatoly decided to run off (at least not in this version) since it was pretty clear from the beginning that him and Sveta weren't doing,, super great. The original song has its own issues but I stand behind the concept of Florence and Sveta bonding over their shared experiences with shitty men and especially this shitty man. Now it just makes me like both of them less. And it still doesn't pass the Bechdel test. Ugh.

- Molokov gets a Tragic Backstory because everyone needs one i guess

- It is not smart to fuck with the KGB. Anatoly appears startled by this.

- Side note this act has too little Freddie in it where's my epic rivalry where is the drama

- The way the stage is set up for the final match is pretty cool though

- This match feels a little anticlimactic but in a way that sort of works? Everyone's made their choices already? This is just the inevitable end to the tragedy and you can feel it.

- It does make the whole 'singing the names of previous champions' thing seem a little out of sync. We're past that, this obviously isn't about chess anymore.

- The circular ending is neat. The Story of Chess still doesn't fit the rest of the narrative. Again, very little actual chess in this.

- At this point I don't really care about Anatoly's feelings but Florence deserves better. Normally I'd say she deserves Svetlana but this Svetlana is kind of terrible so, hm, no. She deserves to be single and recover from her breakdown in peace i honestly don't want her to see any of these people again.

Well I definitely understand why this is some people's favorite version! The story's close to solid, and even though everyone's an asshole, they all have their moments of being... if not sympathetic, then at least just pathetic (looking at you Freddie) enough that the audience can give a damn. Personally i still prefer RAH, but then I did come here by way of Rent so I'm biased.

Anyway if you haven't seen Chess på Svenska yet go watch it, you will come out of the experience a different person but you won't have wasted your time :)

[clarenecessities]

ummmm what about. uhhh those women from the supergirl show. now that i type that im pretty sure one of them is supergirl

oh, buddy. yes, one of them is supergirl.

disclaimer: i have never and will never watch the cw's supergirl, bc i love myself

What made you ship it?

well it TURNS OUT that there's a lot of overlap in Supercorp shippers and Catradora shippers, for some reason. can't imagine why! [puts a blanket over my venn diagram's cage]

so i went a little insane after she-ra came out (you remember) and read about 6k fics, just scrolling through the tag with some filters on & clicking on anything that looked interesting. it was a very interesting time in our lives. a lot of me going "huh? whah?" in call. birth of the scorpia disclaimer.

but eventually i ran out of she-ra fics. and i like... i couldn't stop, you know? and it turns out that some of the best she-ra authors have written a lot of supergirl fics. so it kept coming up when i was on author-specific binges. and i got curious! i'm a curious guy!

and then it turns out they're really cute >:( they're adorable, damn it.

ik i'm never gonna be able to drag you into this hole with me, since you already have a designated CW trainwreck, but if you're ever feeling bored the first one i ever read was really fucking funny and requires zero knowledge of canon. i didn't know alex's pronouns until halfway through bc i'd never heard of her (literally supergirl's sister). initially i clicked on it bc "superhero pretends to date her civilian identity" sounded hysterical but like... kara is so sweet, and so socially inept. and lena is a human disaster who just wants to help. and they both have crippling abandonment issues and no chill whatsoever

What are your favorite things about the ship?

i like that they appreciate each other. the version of them that i've constructed piecemeal from other people's opinions is such that like... they've both been pretty miserable, right? lena watched her mom die when she was like 4 years old and then got adopted by the luthors, kara watched her planet explode & pawned off by clark (who was like 30 years older than he was supposed to be bc of DC bullshit) on some human family and had to pretend to be normal for a decade or so.

and they both hide that pretty well, kara with kindness and lena with unapproachable businesswoman...ness... but they're both immediately fascinated by each other. and they're both sort of genuine with each other, even when they're in 'nice but bumbling civilian' or 'ruthless luthor' mode. so where it gets interesting for me is those moments they reach a mutual understanding of something, or where they trust each other in spite of Every Other Thing.

in like their first meeting lena says she's just a woman trying to make a name for herself outside of her family & asks if they can understand and kara is like "🥺 yeah..." and like they were just kind of fucked from there. sigh. you don't know how good you have it with riverdale polycule man. fuckin CW.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

i have many but the one that comes up most often isn't an opinion, it's a fact.

“khap zhao rrip” is fucking nonsense. it does not mean 'i love you'. it's SVO instead of VSO and zhao is a noun why are you even including kyrptahniuo if you're just going to find-and-replace random words.

listen. listen to me. zhaoivodh khap rrip. it is literally easier than french. nobody fucking does it right logan it makes me feel insane

[lilithfairen]

Tonight's Trainwrecks, the first

...V6E8 of Fixing RWBY.

Last time, Celtic Phoenix rewrote The Lost Fable, in the sense that he kept the story exactly the same but ripped off RWBY: Fairy Tales's framing device—and used said framing device to give more focus to his cultural-appropriation going-commando daughteru-OC version of Vernal (who is dead, mind you) than the titular heroines themselves.

This episode, well, let's quote the description:

After three insane episodes, we catch a breather as we catch up with the other half of our main cast.

Now, a popular claim among the "critics" of the show is that the titular heroines themselves are often eclipsed by other characters. This is rarely true and is the result of said "critics" automatically dismissing everything Team RWBY themselves do, when they're not trying to vilify them for fighting back against sociopaths who want to murder them and their friends.

That's why, whereas canon didn't need an episode focused on JNR's group because they made it safe and sound, Fixing RWBY is going to focus on them for an episode.

Or rather, someone who's with them, I bet.

If you're wondering why we're not going to Brunswick Farms, let me remind folks that Celtic Phoenix put Brunswick Farms in V4 so he could make it all about reintroducing Roman to the story as the real main character.

This is going to suck.

Right from the start, Jaune, Nora, Ren, and Cardin (of course) are helping people disembark from the train. You might ask yourself why, because the train is no longer in any sort of danger and no one should need any assistance getting off the train.

The focus immediately goes to Cardin as he talks with a security official, learning about the Atlas withdrawal. Then the rest of Team CRDL shows up, but oh noes, Russell got knocked off the train, but maybe they'll go search for him. Then Nora brings up Team RWBY.

Yes, we just had Fixing RWBY care more about Cardin's buddy than THE TITULAR HEROINES. But Jaune tells Celtic—I mean, Cardin not to worry about Team RWBY.

Saphron shows up. She mentions she's getting chicken nuggets for Adrian.

Then we switch to a Cinder scene! We're not going to get Cinder's fight with Neo, because Neo is already the deuteragonist by virtue of being Roman's faithful servant. Anyway, Cinder flashes back to being on a boat in a sea of Grimm. Tyrian's taking her to Salem's place. Back to the present, where Cinder prattles with Little Miss Malachite.

Back to JNR, where they're at the grocery store. I am not fucking kidding. They're outside of the grocery store. (Why can't they come in to the grocery store?) Jaune talks about how his sisters treated him. Then Jaune tells Nora and Ren to go on to a coffee shop without him, because now we have to have the Pyrrha scene.

Except now she's just a name on the wall.

No, really.

The lady who is obviously Pyrrha's mom shows up, and because Celtic Phoenix thinks good storytelling is when the audience can't put two and two together, makes it explicitly clear. You would think this would be exactly the same as canon, like almost everything in this trainwreck of a series is.

But it's not.

Because there's no arc about Jaune's struggle with his grief leaving him viewing himself as expendable, and Nora and Ren expressing their concern about this attitude. And because Jaune hasn't learned the truth about Ozpin yet, there's no element of that in his reflection of Pyrrha's passing.

So it's just reiterating a scene from canon, but without it being any sort of culmination of any story arc or character development.

In short: nothing happened this episode. In fact, worse than nothing, because this episode's nothing invalidated the possibility of actual plotlines and character growth happening. But we got more Cardin, so...hooray white abusers?

[limeade-l3sbian]

yes, amy schumer is (probably) a joke plagiarist. aside from the 2022 oscars speech incident, tammy pescatelli claimed schumer steals from other female comedians (citing a joke she made in 2006 vs a joke in schumer's "trainwreck"), kathleen madican made a joke during a sketch called "slap oprah" in 2011 that schumer mirrored in a sketch called "slap chef" in 2014, a joke about making men pay on a first date made in 2015 that was similar to a joke wendy liebman made in the 90s, the patrice o'neal bit from 2006 that amy repeated in 2015, and joseph tran speculating that amy possibly stole one of his jokes. the "evidence" that she's not is that she passed a lie detector test (which obviously is a foolproof way of telling someone, particularly a trained actor, is being honest.../s).

she also claimed that will smith slapping chris rock was "traumatic" to her, has a history of making racist jokes (that she "apologized" for later on twitter by saying essentially "i'm sorry if you were hurt by my dumb jokes"), defended lena dunham when she accused odell beckham junior of being misogynistic because he didn't particularly acknowledge her / flirt with her at the 2016 met gala (and this is without getting into the matter of "being friends with lena dunham" to begin with), played the "do you know who i am, i'm famous" card at a gym because she didn't want to show her key fob and just be let in without question, gave an audience who payed for an hour long show a show that may have been 47 minutes (according to her) but may have been less than 35 minutes (according to some attendees), called the previously listed potentially "ripoff" show a "rookie mistake" (this was in 2015, she's been a comedian since 2004 and has been a big name since 2007-2010), has a habit of sexually harassing male celebrities (obviously not as loaded as the other way around, but still bad), potentially sexually assaulted/raped someone based off a story she told at the 2014 gala awards, is the pinacle of fauxminism / choice feminism, and reenacted beyonce's "formation" (with herself in the role of beyonce and a bunch of other white women performing with her)(the song was a statement of black female empowerment).

this isn't to say discourse isn't colored by misogyny, because it definitely is. but, if you look past the usual misogyny (including the "woke" misogyny that tries to disguise itself by employing woke language), she still has a lot of problems.

.

[phoenixrising0308]

Our Life Together: Not over you

Books: The Royal Romance - Royal Heir

Rating: M (Mature content and implied sexual activities)

Pairing: Liam & Jessica Garcia (MC)

Triggers: 🍋

Disclaimer

Our Life together timeline: This is still within Agent Phoenix A/U and its stories about Jessica & Liam’s relationship as live-in partners and married life. Character traits don’t always remain the same. Stories using this timeline are meant for challenges or requests. catch up here

Chapter Summary: Liam tries to mend his relationship with Jessica. *She with held some information from him and he kind of deported her.

Chapter Song inspiration: Not over you - Gavin Degraw

Word Count: 2,000*As always, forgive my typos and grammatical errors.*

Average reading time: 8 minutes

Hugh Cary Tunnel - Stuck in midtown traffic

“What the fuck is this! Why is there so much fucken traffic!” Jessica spat in frustration.

Jessica cranked up the volume to 1010 wins “Traffic jams continue as an unexpected foreign dignitary is in  to-”

“Fuck you 1010 wins always stating the fucken obvious. What asshole is here that’s ruining my night? I pre-ordered pizza with tons of greasy shit so I can have a mini heart attack. I also have a pint of ice cream with my name on it and the 2nd season of friends to watch it’s Friday and I don’t care about anyone. Let me be miserable and cry in my house alone! Will Ross and Rachel ever make it? No, because love is bullshit.”

Jessica looked at herself in the mirror and said, “I look like shit. I have raccoon eyes because I keep rubbing my fucken eyes. Because I’m crying all the fucken crying.  My lipstick is all over my face because I keep biting my lip. When was the last time I combed my hair? It looks like a bird’s nest.”

Jessica grabbed her cherry coke and took a sip but the lid was loose and it spilled all over herself  “Fuck whatever you know what I have tinned windows" Jessica pulled her shirt that was tucked into her skirt out and unclasped her bra “Let’s let the girls breath” Jessica kicked off her shoes and lifted her skirt and removed her pantyhose and said, “Yes, I’m a complete trainwreck! Who loves ya baby? No one! Shit, I got to shave my legs. And God knows, I look like a fucken yeti down there. I ain’t got no one to impress.”

90 mins later…

Jessica’s house

Jessica parked her car and hit a trash can “Fuck! I’m a horrible driver.” she picked up the trash can and fell on a pile of garbage “God, why do you hate me so much? I’m a good person! Okay, I promise to go to church you know what let’s start off by not saying Goddammit.” She grabbed her purse and began to walk a few feet barefoot to her house when she noticed her porch light on. “Goddammit, who’s selling shit now because I don’t want it. I’m not donating to charity fuck that. Last night Sarah Mclachlan got me for $200.00 bucks with that dog commercial.”

“Jess?“ Liam said softly

Jessica took her shoes and aimed at Liam. “Fuck you, Liam! I hate you.”

He ducked missing the shoes just in time.

“Hate is a strong word.”

“Don’t tell me how I feel! You’re the reason I was stuck in traffic. You're the reason I’m a heartbroken fucken up mess that cant function! No instead of making a sexy as come back to show you what you're messing I look like a fucken mess. So thank you for ruining my comeback! Jessica began waving her hands in the air as she continued her rant “But this is me I’m not your little cover girl anymore. Guess that shit happens when you work for 18 hours and your ass is sitting sweating balls in traffic sticky because the asshole at McDonald’s cant close a fucken cap on a soft drink. And someone you love takes your heart and stomps on it.”

“Can we talk?”

“Say what you got to and then get the fuck off my lawn. Too bad I’m not fucken royalty so I have someone to fucken escort you when you’re done. You could have done it yourself you fucker but you hid behind Mara! You treated me like I meant nothing to you. Guess what I stole your stupid sweater in case you’re looking for it call Interpol.”

Liam smiled “You have my sweater?”

“Yea so. It smelled like you and I’m not over you. In fact, I miss you. But your hands seem broken and you don’t know how to return calls or emails.”

“No, I hug your pillow. I miss you. And Jessica, you still look beautiful. I’ve been waiting for hours on your doorstep. Thinking of what to say regretting that night like crazy.” Liam walked over holding a massive bouquet of flowers and said, “These are for you.”

Jessica said, “Thank you. You can get your perfectly sculpted ass off my lawn and on a plane. Hope you have snacks asshole.”

Liam said, “I deserve that. But I came here because I needed to see you. I needed to tell you I’m so sorry, that I’m not over you and I could never be over you because I love you and I didn’t know what to say. I fucked up. Jess, I’m the worse let me make it up to you.”

“Liam, our fights get so ugly. I hate fighting with you but you fucken like broke up with me, fired me, and deported me in one fight. You totally hit below the belt. I still cry about what you said to me. God, that fucken hurt.”

“I know Love-”

“Don’t call me love and turn me into a pile of mush. With your I’m so sexy act…well not so much an act but you hurt me so fucken much.”

Liam got on his knees and held her by the waist and a man walking his dog stopped to watch.

“I’m sorry I talked to you that way. I’m sorry I made you cry. I’m sorry I’m an asshole. I’m just fucken sorry let me make it up to you.”

Jessica yelled out at the nosy neighbor “Can I fucken help you? We are having a private moment here! And you’re too close to my fucken lawn. Keep it moving.” The man walked away.

“Can I take you out? Please let me take you out. Let just be together and talk.” Liam pleaded.

“Like on a date.”

“Yes, lo-” Liam cleared his throat and said, “Yes, Jess on a date. A real one. I found a place nearby that overlooks the beach and I hear it’s lovely.”

“I don’t even have anything to wear. So is it a yoga pant place?”

Liam handed her a Bergdorf Goodman bag. “The salesgirl helped me. Got you something for tonight’s shoes and matching purse. But if you want to wear yoga pants go ahead.”

Jessica grabbed the bag smirked and said “ You are pulling out all the stops here.” Jessica smirked

“Is it working?”

“Maybe.”

Liam handed Jessica and another bag La Perla luxury lingerie Jessica took the bag “You aren’t seeing me naked. ” ‘God, I’m such a liar. Fight his magic dick…resist temptation. Wear grandma panties.’

“I will imagine you in it”

“Well, I had plans. I don’t know if I want to cancel them.” ‘Bullshit but he doesn't have to know’

“Please, cancel them. I’d love it if you spend the evening with me.”

“Fine let me see if they are willing to reschedule. It might be difficult.”

Jessica stepped away and picked up her cellphone and dialed

“Hello, this is Dominos.”

“Im sorry I’m canceling”

“Can I have your name”

“Well shit, you don’t have to get so upset.”

“Ms. I need you to name to cancel your order.”

“Since when does Jessica Garcia give explanations?”

“Okay we can cancel but you won’t get a refund.”

“Give me the credit. I let you know goddamit.”

“Yes, we will.”

“Thank you we will speak soon. Maybe next Friday for my usual.”

Jessica turned to Liam and said, “I have an opening in my schedule. Would you like to come inside?”

Liam walked in carrying a garment bag of his own and said, “Do you mind if I change.”

“Go ahead you know where the second bathroom is. Right? It’s down the hall.”

Guest bathroom

Liam drew himself a bath and laid out the toiletries he wanted to win Jessica back or at least get sparks flying. Their last fight was brutal and he hated himself for it. He hurt her and wanted to make it up to her. After talking to Drake he understood her position. A pep talk with Leo resulted in the following directive ’ Take a multivitamin have a green smoothie and be a man…fuck her stupid it works'

He hung his suit up and began to take a shower. Once he was done he quickly shaved and put on his suit leaving his tie around his collar knowing Jessica couldn’t resist fixing it.

In the bedroom

Jessica pulled out a navy and white knee-length dress body con dress “Wow.” she laid in the bed she looked at the strappy open-toe heels with matching purse and said, “Damn Liam you sure know how to pick an outfit.”

Jessica ran herself a bath and grabbed her Venus razor but she knew the job required more. She looked under the sink cabinet and grabbed her Brazilian waxing kit “Well. Here goes nothing.”

She walked out of the bathroom feeling like a brand new person, not a single stubble and as smooth as a can be when she opened up the lingerie bag she saw see-through panties with crystals all over as a design. “Nope. I will be strong! I will forget you have a magic dick and not sleep with you. But I’m wearing these. They feel so fucken soft. And they sparkle. Fucken Liam! You know I like shiny things.”

Jessica put on the magical underwear “Shit. They look good. Fine keep them on. Fight his kryptonite dick.”

Living room

Liam was pacing in the living room and when he saw her walk towards him ‘God, can we cancel. I spend the whole night with you in bed.’

Jessica said, “Liam, your tie.”

“Jess, could you please do it for me? I’ve missed it so much.”

“Let me think about it.” Jessica stared at his piercing blue eyes and was already melting into mush. ‘Don’t fuck him pendeja (stupid).’ “Come over.” she tiptoed and began to adjust his tie into an Eldredge knot her favorite tie knot and said, “Absolutely perfect.”

Liam looked at her and stepped in while holding her wrist he said, “The only thing I see here that’s absolutely perfect is you. You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I will always think that way until the end of time.”

’Be strong! He is trying to get into your panties and you can not be weak..but he has a magic dick…nope you are mad grrrr be mad’. “Thank you. I’m where are we going?”

“The place is called above the rooftop.”

“Oh, it gets really busy on Friday’s everyone wants a view on the New York skyline.”

“I wouldn't worry. I shut the restaurant down. It’s just us tonight. I even have a DJ so we can listen to music and dance if you want.”

Above the roof

The restaurant was empty except for the wait staff. They were led to a table on the roof overlooking the city. Liam spared no expense in making the night memorable. On their personalized menu for dinner along with endless bottles of Merlot was a pear and goat cheese salad, Beef Bourguignon in a red wine reduction paired with tender root vegetables.

After they finished dinner Liam invited Jessica for a dance and she took his hand and they danced under the stary night. He pressed her close to his body. There was no anger or hurt between the pair. They forgot the events that occurred several weeks before. It was Jessica and Liam at their core it was love adoration, passion, and when he kissed her slowly and gently they both remembered the second they fell in love and how much they complete each other.

“Mr. Rys you dessert is ready.” their waiter called out.

Liam pulled away from the kiss and whispered “Jess, did you save room for dessert?”

“Always. But that means the night is over I guess.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“I suppose I will let you take me home.”

“I will take whatever I can get.”

Jessica and Liam sat at the table feeding each other A Berry Mont Blanc cremé tart.

She moaned in delight at the soft velvety dessert and  said: “This is delicious Liam.”

“You have cremé on your lip,” Liam informed her. Jessica took a napkin to wipe her lip. Liam held her wrist and kissed the bottom of her lip kissing the cremé off. “Jess, when you wear that lipstick I just want to kiss it off those luscious lips. I just can't stop myself.”

“Liam, where are you staying tonight?”

“After I drop you home I’m heading for the four seasons… you can join me if you like?”

‘Fuck the magic dick won. Guess I won’t wake the neighborhood with my moaning.’ Jessica yelled “Check! Check NOW!”

Four Seasons Penthouse

Liam kissed Jessica as his hands went to the small of her back and he began to work the zipper to her dress, pulling it all the way down, and as much as he hated taking a step back from her he did so he could help get the dress off of her body. It revealed a nude bra and panty set that seemed to sparkle in the candlelight “God, you are gorgeous. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met,” he said.

She felt as his hands trailed along her bare skin, leaving little goosebumps in their wake. He smiled at her body’s reaction to him but didn’t do much past that. He slowly untied his tie, letting it drop to the floor with her dress, and then his jacket came off before he slowly unworked the buttons of his shirt, her eyes followed his fingers as they revealed the skin of his chest.

Soon enough his shirt was off, and she stepped forward to run her fingers along his chest. He chuckled as he worked his belt off and then his pants, leaving them both in their underwear. He pulled her body close to his own again and led them in another dance and this time she could feel the hardness of his cock pressed against her stomach. She knew how much he wanted her, he had been so eager to get her in his bed.

He led her over to the bed and had her lay down, she blushed to know that was going to happen soon, knowing just how well he was going to fill her up. He unhooked her bra and slipped it over her shoulders before sending it to the rest of the clothes and then slid her panties off. He couldn’t help but take the chance to look at her body.

He touched her folds and was not surprised to find that she was already dripping wet for him, she was almost always ready for him and he smirked as he pulled his own underwear off. “Are you ready for me? Tell me how much you want me, Jessica.”

She blushed as she stared at his hard cock, and she swore she got even wetter at the sight even though she was sure that was not possible given how turned on she already was. “I want you, Liam, please I’ve wanted you all night, I tried to fight it.” Her words spurred him into action, and he took hold of his cock to help line it up at her entrance.

“I could never deny you anything,” he said as his cock slipped inside of her and filled her up. He leaned over her and pressed his lips to her own, breathing heavily as he enjoyed the sensation of being deep within her, he rocked his hips but didn’t pull out of her just yet, wanted her to get used to the feeling of this and wanted her to miss this when he pulled out. A hand trailed up her body and up to her breast and he began to play with it, he teased her nipple, making it hard, making her want more and he continued to do so, knowing exactly what it would do to her body, could feel what it was doing to her and he smirked at just how responsive her body was to him.

“That’s right Jessica,” he moaned against her lips as he began to move his hips, he pulled out of her so just the tip was inside of her before plunging back in. The movement caused her to groan in pleasure, her fingers dug into his back at the sensation of being quickly filled. He repeated the motion, the thrusts slow as he began to work her up. Soon her breathing was heavy, and she groaned with every thrust.

“Jessica? Tell me what you need.” He said kissing down her jaw and up her neck to her ear, she could hear him breathe heavily into it and it just made her want him more. “Come for me my love, come around me.” looking forward to the feeling of her finishing around his cock, but he had no plans to be done with her just yet. He wanted to give her as much pleasure as she could possibly take.

She rocked her hip in response to his words and soon enough she was coming on his cock, he rode her through her orgasm, making sure to prolong it for her, and she could feel her juices coming out around his cock. “Fuck, you feel so good”.

He let her body relax for a few moments before he began to thrust again, it was obvious that she hadn’t expected that as her fingers dug into his shoulders and he smiled down at her. “I think that I can get you to come again for me, don’t you? Don’t you want to come again for me?” His question made her blush and all she could do was nod in response, she wanted to come again, she wanted to continue to have him filling her up and that seemed to be exactly what he wanted as well. “Fuck, Jess I love your pussy. I love making love to you,” he said pressing his lips to hers again to let her know how much he loved her. His fingers moved from working at her breast and down her stomach to between her thighs, the hard-little bundle of nerves was not ready to be touched and she squirmed as he pressed his thumb to it.

“Mmmm Liam. I love making love to you.” Jessica moaned as he did everything that she liked to her, she was reminded just how well he knew her and how his body knew exactly how to please her. He worked her over as his cock thrust inside of her and she decided to help him along too, her cunt squeezed tightly around his cock which caused him to thrust his hips faster along with a groan leaving his lips. It was obvious that she knew exactly what turned him on as well. “I love you, Jessica.” Liam panted as he continued. Jessica cupped his face “I love you too. Baby I love you so much.” as she moaned with each thrust.

The way he was moved inside of her now was relentless, he quickly was able to angle his hips to hit her g-spot which caused her to let out a soft scream, and he smirked in response. Every few thrusts he would hit it, making sure it would be a surprise for her, making sure that she wasn’t expecting it. “Tell me you love me.” “Love you L-Liam.” She breathed out. “Tell me you are all mine.” “I- I- I’m yours, Liam.”

She was whimpering and holding on tight to him, obviously trying to hold herself together as he finally began to approach his own orgasm. “Come with me, come on my cock, love, let me know how good this feels for you,” he nipped her bottom lip as his thumb worked her clit over and she allowed herself to lose herself to the pleasure of what he was doing. She came ferociously, a loud scream leaving her lips, not worried at all that other people might be able to hear her and wonder what was happening behind the closed doors of their room.

She could feel his cock twitch as he came inside of her, filling her up deep inside. Her body relaxed then, her limbs unwrapping from his body and settling back onto the bed. He smiled at her before giving her a small kiss and pulling out of her.

The night had been exhausting and when she yawned, he let out a small chuckle and gathered her in his arms. “That was not a part of my plan. You turn me into mush each time.” Jessica said as she buried herself into his chest. Liam gave a sigh “OK. I get it I’m such a fucken asshole and I deserve every bit of that temper of yours but thank you for putting it aside and having this moment with me. I totally don’t deserve it. BUT it was absolutely amazing. I love you Jess remember that always. So be mad at me in the morning…fucken be furious with me. Punch me if it helps but tonight Jessica just be all mine. Jessica, only you know the man that I am beyond the surface. Jess, you see me for who. I can be myself when I’m with you. You are my air without you I just can’t breathe. You make me feel whole. I can’t sum up just how much you mean to me. I will never ever stop telling you that I belong to you.”

[albiclalepsza]

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

Ah yes, political discourse.

enough rizz to convince a cult-like following to drink poisoned Kool Aid

Taylor Swift girlboss psyop

from her hand-selected vaccine shill boyfriend to her DINK lifestyle

Once again, thank all the higher powers that I wasn't born in the States, so I can just watch this flaming trainwreck unfold from afar and wait for it to burn me when the effects of that brainrot reach Europe.

I'd love to go back to 1980, grab a guy who voted for Reagan, show him what the political climate has become, and then beat him to death for voting for Reagan.

Also, I went to the tweet itself and it turns out that the rizz comment is a journalistic addition, not a part of the tweet.

Ngl, seeing rizz used in an article makes me want to gouge my eyes out

Here's the full article if anyone wants to gaze at this work of art

[gold-andgranite]

sweet disaster // the notes + the prologue

hey y’all! ever since finding the tgm community here on tumblr earlier this summer I’ve had a little idea floating around I just couldn’t let go of. after incubating said idea (read: storyboarding and note taking/ visualizing scenes as I’m driving/ having hot girl backyard time/ while washing dishes/ as I am folding laundry/ etc. etc. etc.), I got a first little prologue-y type chapter written up! I have a vague idea of where this fic is headed but I’m allowing myself the creative freedom to not have anything super nailed down yet, and instead just letting this little world evolve however it will. we will find out together! I have missed writing lately, and even though most of my writing over the years has been either academic or free verse poetry, I’m excited to give prose a try! 

a bit of housekeeping: I wrote this initial bit as a second person pov but with a named character (we are JJ). it’s what felt the most comfortable to write, but if it really weirds all y’all out, I’d be willing to accept that constructive criticism and switch to a different pov. I want us to feel immersed, but if it gets clunky (especially with, perhaps, pov changes later on) then I’m willing to change the pov, and that would include tweaking this chapter as well post-posting. 

as far as warnings go? each chapter will have chapter-specific warnings, as needed, but overall this story will touch on mental health issues, a bit of angst, some smut down the road, language, military inaccuracies, etc. basically the usual warnings for most fics on here -- like I said, I will update those warnings for each chapter as they arise. we’re starting off super mellow with just a slight language warning for this teaser trailer appetizer thing. 

okay! I think that about does it for now! I’m really excited to go on this journey with y’all!

-- goldi 

“JJ, come ON! You have nothing else going on today! You’re taking a day off from working out, you went grocery shopping yesterday, and I know you’re not working later today, either.” She ticks the reasons off on her fingers before throwing a particular withering look your way, dropping her chin to really send the point home. You inhale sharply, lowering the coffee mug from your lips, counterpoints halfway off your tongue, already feeling the words in your mouth – but, well, fuck. As your best friend, roommate, and coworker – you didn’t have counterpoints. And she knew it, fighting her smile at first, being a good sport about it, but you both knew her eyes were twinkling with excitement.

“Okay. Okay.” You put your hands up in surrender, laughing now, as she squeals and rushes forward to throw her arms around you.

“Yay! Yay! Emi said yes, too! I promise, J, it’s gonna be fun. We’ll have fun! It’s something different! And . . .” she smirks, really going heavy on the whole “devil in the angel’s eyes” thing. “I wanna go support our troops, you know?”

At that, you roll your eyes. “Really, Kennedy? This still?”

“YES.” She held your shoulders in her hands, staring directly into your soul. “JJ. My last date was a fuckin’ trainwreck. I can’t do it anymore! I don’t wanna keep sifting through shitty profiles on my phone only to get a go on a lukewarm-at-best, somebody-sedate-me at worst date!!” She’s graduated to shaking your shoulders, a quarter laughing but three quarters serious. Parker, the most recent online dating disaster, was a pretty bad date for her, you knew that – beginning with when he honked and texted “here” to come pick Kennedy up. She hates that shit – you all do, of course. The group chat went feral over that one. 

“I know, Ken. I’m sorry. I’ll go, okay? I’ll be your wingwoman, if you need. I just – I really don’t want you to get hurt, okay? You’ve had your fair share of shitbags, and –”

“JJ, god, I’m not looking for anything serious! This is an attempt at streamlined efficiency more than anything else,” she giggles. “I just wanna go spend my afternoon looking confused at an air show, take in the beauty of the United States military machine” – cue eye roll – “flirt with as many men as possible, and see how many numbers I can get. We’ll be like those women in the USO in the forties! It’s really your patriotic duty, J.”

“My patriotic duty?? USO? Jesus, Ken –” you break off, fully cackling now, coffee set down on the counter a safe distance from where you’re gripping the counter bent over laughing. “Should we bring little American flags to hand out, too?”

That catches her off guard. “I mean . . . I think I’m covered on the tiny flag front . . .” The mischief glints in her eyes over a knowing smile, a language in which only best friends are fluent.

“KENNEDY!” You gasp, pretending to be scandalized. Your best friend could kill a man without laying a single finger on him, you know this, but her penchant for flair still caught you off guard at times. “You are NOT wearing your stars and stripes undies to this air show! I thought you were just getting phone numbers!” 

Kennedy sighs, planting her hands on her hips. “Ohh, but I am, J. I am.” She passes by you, patting your back. “We leave in an hour! Emi is meeting us there!” she sings as she glides down the hallway. “It’s gonna be fuuuuuuuun! You’re gonna have fun, JJ!!”

You turn back to your coffee, threading your fingers through the handle, shaking your head at Kennedy’s antics. You knew she was right; if all you did today was watch your best friend flirt with men in uniform, narrating the encounters documentary-style with Emi, then it’d be worth it. 

Memorable, at the very least.

[kittycatsco]

ENDORSED BREEDERS

ENDORSED BREEDERSPURRfect Match Objective is Below Reservation Depsit Form Terms-Conditions View PURRfect Questionnaire Endorsed Breeder Questionnaire To Qualify Endorsed Breeders Have A Unique Position At KittyCats.CO. You Stand Out as a Dedicated, Passionate and Serious Breeder With High Quality Cats and Kittens.   We Know You Want To Command A Price Worthy of The Quality You Have Spent Years Developing. The Homemade Cat Food, The Endless Litter Box Changes, The Dedicated Selection of Queens And Toms, The Match Making, And Then Comes..... The PURRents We Cherish And Build Lasting Relationships With. So Many People Think They Are Just Cats With A Breed Name, When In Reality, It's The Furthest Thing Away. At KittyCats.CO, We Are Dedicated To Becoming The Leader in Our Market For The Right Reasons. The Love And Passion of Placing Kittens And Cats With The PURRfect Match.     Clientelle? (Now, For Many of You Whom Already Have Outstanding Show Cats, Famous Cats, or Pedigreed Cats  With A Huge Following, This Does Not Apply To You.) But For The Vast Majority Of Breeders, The Following Does. Today, The Clients Seek To Text You And Receive All of The Information They Desire. . . Immediately, Pictures With All Of The Details, Right? And Then, Do You Ever Hear Back From Them? Hmmm. Is The Number Even A Real Number?  Let Me Call Them The "How Much Is It And Is It Still Available?" Group. This is the marketing issue that we are addressing.  Take back the power and make our potential purrents qualify. No, this will not happen overnight, but if a new standard is set, it will ripple throughout the internet and industry, and You, my friend will find Yourself And Your Cattery, AT THE TOP. Our PURRfect Match Questionnaire is designed with intentional questions that makes the potential PURRent think about what they are seeking. What do they want, a cute, adorable furrball BUT NOT ONE that has the personality of a trainwreck, destined to destroy every porcelain decoration in their home.   Rehoming happens because personality mismatches are a huge reality.  Sure, I might have made $2,500.00, but how is the long-term personality match, this is the match-making question that has become the reality of shelter overcrowding that is not being addressed.  So let's take a closer look at what we, as ethical breeders can do.                                                  Let's Role Play a Moment as The Breeder With The Potential PURRent   Yes, potential Purrent, she is an adorable little love bug with the most beautiful features in the pictures, but I see in your questionnaire that you want to be able to train her to walk on a leash and ride in cars. Is this correct?  Yes, answers the potential purrent.  We like to go on trips and we plan to walk her just like a dog. Well, I am not saying she isn't capable of it, but being with her from the start, she is the submissive hider type. She doesn't show the personality trait You're looking for, but if You'd consider the male, he's the outgoing one that really seems to fit more of your active outdoor lifestyle and seems like he'd be the one that would be confident walking on the leash. In fact, Would You Like me to start training him before You pick him up? People Make Choices Out Of Desire And Emotions - Not Always Common Sense So Moms and Dads, we all know our children have unique personalities, desires and dreams of their own, no matter what family business they may stand to inherit, they may still go another direction out of desire and emotion. I am a real life cattle rancher, and I will tell you the saying is true; You Can Lead a Horse To Water, But You Can't Make Him Drink. The phrase is a proverb that means you can provide someone with a nice opportunity, but you can't make them take it if they don't want to.   The Take-Away - We Bring Desire And Emotion To Them  They Want To Take The Drink of Water - They Just Need To Learn How To Drink    Refer back to the questionnaire and the personality types. I see here that the kitten you seek may be a social media type of personality.  Great! What kind of personality or unique features are you looking for?____________ (Let them answer the question). Well, I'd love a spotted white kitten with blue and green eyes that will ride on my bicycle with me. So looks and temperament are very important! Well, I don't have that but I do have _____.  (STOP IT) Trust me, if you don't have the kitten that fits the bill that they are seeking, (in this case a showpiece and an outgoing confident cat that will love being outside), don't continue. This is not ethical matchmaking.  They will break up out of frustration. If You do not have a cat that meets this criterion, move on. Perhaps refer him to another breeder with confident outgoing cats or that breed type, if You can. Yes, cats can be trained or made to function to some degree, and then they may pee all over your clothes basket when your not looking out of sheer inner rage and terror. Now, the PURRent has another issue to deal with and happiness is not one of the issues.   Know Your Kittens Purrsonality And Properly Place Them   So I have this kitten, he's called Wicked, he's a wild looking 24-toed polydactyl - Scottish Fold. He resmbles the looks like a python snake pattern. The example here is:  His Personality is athletic, outgoing, loving, and all around, OMG. Gorgeous and rare. His colors are so stunning with silver-blue and black stripes, marbles, and hazel eyes, he would blend right into the scenery of a movie set for King Kong, the newest version where all the creatures come to life and attack the crew) or the Jurassic park movie. The point is, his personality type is destined to be with a like personality type human.  This little guy will walk on a leash and is training to do this inside now.  He balances the perfect standing groundhog stance for 30 plus seconds, and is not the average type.  He deserves to have an outgoing lifestyle with an outgoing human family. The PURRfect Match Survey Pours The Glass of Water For You So Everyone Involved CAN Taste It And Savor It. Match Making - Just Like The Reality Show Without The Glitz and Fakiness. You have the first part of the match - Now we find the other half and put them together. We Wish To Bring Back The Love For Specific Breeds, High Quality Cats With Excellent health, And Help Reduce Shelters, Which All Comes Back To Securing The Right PURRents From The Start, By Matching PURRsonalities, Not Just Breed, But The Actual Temperaments Of The Kittens In The Litter That We Know Best. Our Position Is Correct Match Making For The Right Reasons. Read the full article