#*gestures* he's like the character i have identified most with EVER

[bigolialragu]

i like thinking that laios would go crazy on birdwatching after the [SPOILERS] curse

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Growing up I never understood why the road to hell was paved with good intentions. Good thing art is such a big part of my life, because I didn't learn that lesson from experience, but through fiction.

The lesson in question is that your intention alone is worth very little. I'm not saying here that good intentions are utterly worthless, 'cause hey you didn't mean to. However, the consequences of your actions can't be erased or reverted just by the cry of "This is not what I wanted to happen".

Now, I'm very aware that I'm writing this post on a bnha blog. You might ask: hey Shan, what does it have to do with anything?

I just want you to think about how bnha plays with the intentionality of the characters vs the consequences of their actions. Forget for a while that you know those characters at all and study them on the basis of what they wanted to do and what they ended up doing.

Example A:

Nana Shimura gave Kotaro Shimura in adoption when he was still a little child.

While she intended to keep him from being hurt by AFO and while she did it out of love and care for her son, her abandonment traumatized him. She left him with a letter to excuse herself and Kotaro grew up knowing that her mother would rather go to save strangers than stay with him.

In consequence, Kotaro was unable to trust in the system of the Hero Society. He became a sad, bitter man with a lot of repressed anger and self-worth issues. He ended up pouring all those thoughts poisoning him into his role as a father and started abusing his kids.

Kotaro had good intentions: he didn't want his kids to become like Nana. He didn't want them to abandon their own families for strangers and act like it was a selfless act of love, instead of a cowardly act of selfishness.

In turn, Tenko Shimura grew up in a house full of abuse and repression. He didn't understand why his dad got so mad whenever Tenko said he wanted to be a hero. No one ever explained it to him. He kept on resisting the rules his dad had set, causing the punishments to become more and more severe.

At the age of 5, Tenko's quirk manifested and reacted to the accumulation of hurt and anger within him. Being a kid and as it was usual in the bnha world, Tenko couldn't control either his quirk or his emotions: the outburst killed most of the Shimuras. Unprepared to deal with the situation, when Tenko reached for Kotaro —his dad— to help him, Kotaro hit Tenko in the face and told him to stay away. It was a familiar gesture between them. It further triggered the kid, tho. Tenko killed Kotaro in his blind fury.

Tenko was now alone, confused, in distress and severely traumatized.

The perfect state for someone to groom him and manipulate him into becoming a weapon.

I don't doubt Nana loved Kotaro and that Kotaro loved Tenko. In fact, if Nana and Kotaro hadn't loved their sons, they wouldn't have reacted the way they did. Both identified a threat (AFO or the Hero Society) and decided for a course of action that would "keep their children safe and sound".

If good intentions were enough, the Shimuras would still be alive, right?

Here's another saying: "ignorance is not excuse".

We have three generations who inflicted great damage on the people around them. A pro-hero, a common man and a villain. The only difference is that Tomura is the least hypocrite of them all: he intended to cause damage right from the start. He was being manipulated by AFO, of course, but he never ignored how his actions impacted other people and he never claimed to be innocent.

Was Tomura right / morally correct? Nope. That's not my point.

What I'm trying to say is that some actions can't be forgiven/erased on the basis of intention alone. This simple fact is one of the side themes of bnha. Pro-heroes cannot be ignorant because there'd be no excuse for their wrongdoings. No matter how much they want to do good, if they hurt people by accident, they still would have to answer for it or well, deal with the consequences themselves.

Example B:

Although Enji, Touya and Shouto's intentions were very different, they all caused (different levels of) damage with their actions.

Shouto recognized that his cold behaviour was having a negative effect on others. He didn't want that, so he became more aware of how he interacted with others.

The entire world got caught up in the middle of Touya's revenge mission. Dabi knew very well he was affecting a lot of people and he knew to what extent his actions were hurting others. He still thought he was willing to pay the price for it, meaning he didn't intend or not to hurt those people in the first place. In order to make Enji's life hell, everything was allowed.

Finally, Enji's journey goes from him being very ignorant on how his actions affected his kids to him realizing just how deep he had fucked up. It was a matter of admitting he had the chances to not do what others told him was wrong, but he still did it 'cause (like Touya) he thought that the end justified the means.

Even if his intentions were different, he turned the blind eye to the damage he was causing.

And like these there are many other cases in the story. Do you remember that time Inko called out All Might on Deku's safety? Or even when Deku left on his own because he wanted to keep his classmates safe? Do you remember Overhaul and his intention/motive? What about Aoyama?

The fact that they didn't mean it doesn't mean that they weren't wrong for doing it. That simple fact is instrumental to define what differentiates Deku's hero style from his predecessors.

Like I said, go back, re-read the story and decide what you want to think about it, okay? Right.

[imagitory]

Okay -- so my visual aids for this post are very limited since Disney+ will not let me properly screenshot this and there are no good quality versions of this on Youtube anymore...but I need to talk about Disney's The Little Mermaid TV series for a second. Specifically, one episode very near and dear to my heart called Metal Fish, which features a human explorer going down in a fish-shaped submarine to the bottom of the ocean, getting stuck, and being found by Ariel and her friends.

Now honestly, watching the episode again, there's a lot I don't love about it. Sebastian's whole subplot with the crab scouts is really kind of annoying, and I skip every bit of it. But I love the character of Archimedes (even if he never appeared in the show again! Boo!), and -- more importantly to today -- there's this wonderful moment right toward the beginning of the third act of the episode where Ariel and our human explorer lay eyes on each other for the first time, and there's just this electric connection.

Something that bypasses words -- this sense of wonder, enchantment -- almost enlightenment. And is it surprising? No! Ariel is the spitting image of what the human explorer had in his mind, when he was dreamily sketching out what a mermaid could look like, back on land.

And of course, at the end of the episode, what else should the explorer end up being named, but Hans Christian Andersen? And what else would he do, after being rescued by a mermaid, but use it as inspiration for one of his most famous fairy tales?

Okay, yeah, admittedly Hans Christian Andersen was a much sadder and more dysfunctional brown-haired human being IRL (just watch this video for a nice deep-dive about this disaster gay/bi/honestly-maybe-even-romantic-ace)...not to mention he wasn't even half this dashing nor close to being vocally similar to the great Mark Hamill...but one thing I absolutely love about this episode, and the aspect I personally respond to most, is the choice the series' creators made to have their interpretation of Hans Christian Andersen and Ariel have a very striking visual similarity, as well as similar personalities.

Many theorize that the original little mermaid was a self-insert character for HCA, with his fairy tale being a fantastical lament about the one-sided love he felt for the son of his most significant patron, Edvard Collin, who -- like the mermaid's prince in the original -- fell in love with and chose to wed another. There's even preserved correspondence by HCA where he writes of his feelings for Edvard being "those of a woman." And although this is more likely about HCA struggling to express romantic feelings that felt out of place in the very religious, heteronormative world he was a part of than about HCA himself identifying as transgender, I still think it was such a sweet little gesture for this episode to highlight Ariel and HCA seeing themselves in each other.

And this is where I wish SO MUCH I had some good quality video so I could truly share this piece of the episode with all of you -- because the moment where Ariel and Hans see each other for the first time gives me such life.

When Hans first sees Ariel, he's lost for breath, and he sounds and looks almost bereft when she disappears from view. When Ariel first makes eye contact with Hans, she clutches her face and hair, almost as if seeing herself clearly for the first time. And the whole time, they're looking at each other not fully face-to-face, but through glass and water -- almost a reflection of each other. Because...they are.

I'm sorry, I fail to articulate how utterly beautiful this is. No love story could ever capture the emotion this short scene instills in me. A platonic connection so powerful that it transforms you and how you see yourself forever. Meeting another person and, in doing so, truly knowing yourself for the first time.

However much I might praise The Little Mermaid TV series primarily for its music, there are also moments like this that remind me how wonderful Disney's adaptation of Andersen's story really is.

[porridgefeast]

ITSAY/IPYTM thoughts

In three parts because that's how I wrote it.

Oh-aew in a shirt which seems like the most meta English t-shirt text ever in Thai BL(ish) world (and there have been many others) but also seems like something Oh-aew would somehow own.

Part 1

I wasn’t assuming I’d have a ton to say about I Told Sunset About You. I wasn’t even planning on starting it at the particular moment I did, I just had it in mind I’d do so soonish. But wow, this drama hit me like a ton of bricks.

I tend to enjoy it when there’s a small gesture or moment onscreen that brings me back to uncertain romantic moments of young adulthood. Oddly enough, it’s often how someone leans (not kabedon-ish looming fwiw)—make of that what you will. (There’s this one moment in Between Us that hit me with something I can only describe as the world’s hardest pang.) But yikes, having so many... I guess first love feelings come up so hard and fast is really unusual and compelling, but almost too powerful for a sensitive creature such as myself. It’s certainly beautiful in an important way I think art is meant to be beautiful. But it’s less uncomplicatedly enjoyable than some things.

I don’t always have to identify with one character over another, even if one character is positioned as the protagonist of a story. I don’t always identify with anybody, though certain stories will pull me in in that way. But man, ITSAY gives me vertigo. Teh’s paradoxical mixture of obvious feeling and self-conscious reserve might normally make it so I’d be seeing things firmly from his perspective, but instead I whip back and forth between Teh and Oh in a borderline-painful way. I guess I just want so badly for them not to hurt each other.

Billkin’s left eyebrow jiggles like even Teh’s face is fidgeting nervously. At the point I’m currently at in the series, it feels like this kid is going to explode leaving only a fine mist. PP Krit is so still as Oh that it’s at least momentarily tempting to perceive him as solid, confident. But his steadiness is one of watching and waiting SO intently.

I feel like I could write an essay about the blinking alone, much less the overall category of looking. I don’t especially want to write it, but it’s there.

About midway through episode 2 I found myself kind of relieved to confirm there are only five episodes. I wanted to hurry through those most acute push & pull moments. But here I am at the beginning of episode 4 and it feels like it’s been a dang eternity.

Part 2

Back again after ending ITSAY and getting 4 1/2 episodes into IPYTM. I’m not writing about this show because I decided to do so, but because I don’t seem to have a choice. Not that I wouldn’t choose to do so, it’s just moot.

I think I’ve finally put into possibly inadequate words a thing Billkin does a lot as Teh. Sometimes his face just kind of goes... offline. He’s telegraphing despair while his face settles into a stiff mask. I find it a lot more true to life than what many actors do in similar scenes, but also very relatable in a way that’s painful! Again, in an art way. In a way that puts into practice the fact that we don’t only watch and read stories to pass time but because they help us understand ourselves. But part of me is annoyed, like a kid who’s been told to get in the car only to find they’re being taken someplace totally unforeseen and unappealing.

I find myself not wanting to explain what PP Krit is doing as much, but not because what he’s doing is less carefully crafted, certainly not because it’s less affecting. I said earlier that I was bouncing back and forth between identifying with each of them but not long after that first note of mine I stopped being able to identify with Teh very much. It might be a stretch to relate the events of this show too much to an experience of my own, but I was probably the Oh-aew in my first serious relationship, which was a very long one that was completely tied up with my entire college experience and a long first stage of adulthood.

I don’t judge Teh too harshly, but he just seems SO young. Like, younger than I may ever have been. Part of what makes this show good at what it does is that I don’t quite know what’s going on with him a lot of the time. There’s certainly a part of me that wants someone to explain what goes on in his head, but the ambiguity works for this show’s narrative style.

Maybe this will become more apparent, but am I supposed to have a strong conviction as to what Jai’s deal has been? Because that guy seems determined to give some of the most intense mixed signals I’ve ever witnessed. I feel like the director was going okay in this shot you’re in love with Teh. Okay now in this scene you feel like Teh’s kinda gross.

Honestly Teh is super gross! Billkin is a cute kid and Teh has many endearing qualities but he is a MESS. About half the time (well, half the time we see him onscreen, who knows what he does during time-jumps) the kid is barfing feelings like No-face from Spirited Away after he’s eaten nearly everybody who works at the spirit bathhouse.

I strongly suspect these characters and performances would bring up different things for people other than myself. This show is taking my personal buttons and stomping on them; presumably for others it stomps on slightly different or even opposite buttons, and for others it might trigger very little whatsoever of their own personal baggage.

Well, back to it I suppose.

Part 3

I feel less urgency now that I’ve reached the end point of the two series. Which is good for me but it means I have less to say at this point.

I’m very curious as to how a rewatch of these two series would feel to me. At first I thought a rewatch might be great—often that way I can relax and appreciate things more, since I’m not distracted by suspense as much. But I could just as easily wind up dreading certain moments. So many public scenes, yall. So much shame being experienced!

I would like to take a short moment to appreciate Hoon. His mom-pleasing powers may have complicated things for Teh, but it was such a relief to me that he was a sweetheart and a good brother.

I’m glad there’s a happy ending but I’m relieved Oh-aew got several chances to be resentful. (Not that I would have been unhappy with some less-than-happy endings. Too happy an ending would have been odd tonally anyway for this show.) I’m pretty sure I laughed out loud when Oh-aew was like but this time if you have a problem can you tell me and we can talk about it?

I was so glad Tarn got a little cameo at the end. It felt like giving her her due. Recognizing how that moment made me feel makes me realize how much I appreciate Tarn having interiority and agency as a character.

In other news, maybe I’m now one step closer to being able to see Na Naphat onscreen without immediately thinking of him as Tawan from Kinnporsche. And usually saying “f*cking Tawan!” in my head. It hasn’t happened yet, but I hope to get there. I’m sorry Na Naphat, I guess that performance was almost too good.

[spareparts-vn]

Hi! I'm really enjoying Spare Parts. I really appreciate how it has so much heavy drama, but it never feels oppressively dour or meaningless. There's plenty of more comedic or otherwise lighter moments that don't feel out of place, too. Can I ask as a wannabe writer myself, do you have any tips or processes for writing such effective drama?

thank you! i'm very bad at giving writing advice. i've written and deleted this post half a dozen times already. it's pretty hard to lay my thoughts out since my process is so tangled up in my brain's very specific eccentricities. so here's some extremely scattered thoughts that loosely connect to how i write "drama," which in my mind is just an extension of any compelling relationship between characters.

1) "iteration" is my main thing. write a bad draft, then edit it to be better, then edit it to be better, then edit it to be better, then erase the whole thing and write another bad draft that's slightly better, then edit that one to be better, then edit it to be better, then do that 100 more times until you have an epiphany that ties it all together. it's not very efficient but it helps me identify what works and what doesn't so i can hone in on what's interesting to me. in the context of drama, that means i can write out an argument between two characters and ask myself if it hits on anything compelling. if it doesn't, i scrap it, but if there's some feeling there that i want to flesh out, i can restructure it to pivot around that.

2) similar to the previous one, but i try to start broad and narrow my focus over time. taking two characters' relationship as an example, i'll start from the most generic interpretation of how they relate to one another and start adding nuance/complexity over time. i think of it like a life drawing, if you've ever taken a class for that. you want to start with the gesture of the pose first, then start to fill in shapes and values until the foundation is solid. you go around the whole drawing adding details in bits and pieces, rather than focusing on one body part and fleshing it out to completion first. you can slowly choose where to exaggerate shapes or darken shadows to add a little more visual flair to it. in telling a story, these details can often play out and develop through the course of the narrative.

2.5) this is an aside, but during my brief stint in art school, i once turned in a self-portrait for a life drawing assignment that i was really unhappy with. i spent so much time working and reworking it that it looked really smudgy from all the erased lines, but i was too stubborn to start drawing on a new piece of paper. i was very anxious about turning it in for critique, but the professor surprised me by saying that he liked the ethereal quality it had from all the eraser marks. that there was something interesting in how obvious it was that i'd redone it so many times, allowing the evidence of previous attempts to leave traces in the final image. that comment always stuck with me. i think of life, and art by extension, as additive in nature. you can't completely erase the past, so as time moves forward your canvas become more and more dense with information, even if it's been scrubbed away. relationships are the same, which i try to convey when writing my characters. the longer you write them, the more friction and drama will naturally fall out of them. so don't be afraid to start simple, you might surprise yourself with the sort of feelings that appear without you realizing it.

3) i try to imagine a person who would become psychotically obsessed with every possible pairing of characters. what would they find interesting in this dynamic? how could i give them something to chew on? how could i surprise them, or entice them to think about their relationship deeper? in spapa's case, there's obviously a lot of interplay between the most central characters, but i have internal dossiers on every obscure pair of characters that most people won't think about. but that means i'm going to write more about them and flesh them out, so the web grows more complex and interesting. (i've developed a fixation on a secret ship that i'm hungry to explore, but probably won't get the chance to for a while. i'll leave you to speculate on what that is.) every character's growth and experience is shaped by their relationships, so tugging on those threads can reveal things about my characters i hadn't realized before. and sometimes those threads are connected to sticks of dynamite, which explode. and then you get lucy and melanie yelling at each other, even though their first interactions don't really suggest they'd end up there.

4) i'm the type of person who struggle to resist cracking a joke when i think of one, no matter how inappropriate the timing is. i've seen some critique of spapa that jokes occasionally feel misplaced in really serious scenes, but personally, i think they're important! people are complicated and can have multiple modes of thought/expression at once. sometimes when you're in the middle of the biggest sobbing breakdown of your life you'll think something stupid and mundane that snaps you back to reality for a second. sometimes you're having the best day of your life and you'll suddenly remember The Incident and have to just brush it off. i try to reflect those sorts of weird moments in my writing.

5) i lean a lot on my experience in writing fanfic/doing roleplay of characters/ships that i'm interested in. taking the dynamic that's presented in the source material and bending it to suit my interests more, or to flesh out ideas that i want to explore through them as a medium. every now and then it helps to take a step back and assess what parts of my story i've built i feel are most compelling or could use some more attention. what scenes i would write fanfic of, and how i can place them in the story itself or build up to something that paints those scenes in the reader's mind. i just love characters. they're little toys i can make do anything

6) i guess overall my approach is very naturalistic/holistic. i let characters develop themselves and create drama on their own, just by being complicated little animals and thinking about them a lot. then i can take those shapes they make and mold them into something more refined. i try to treat everything as a piece of the whole. let the threads get really tangled up and leave a lot of time for exploring what those knots look like and how you might try to de-tangle them. but meanwhile there's other knots forming too. there's no getting it completely organized but you learn a lot about the mess while trying to pull it apart. the process is essential. the end product should reflect that process in whatever ways feel appropriate. imo

i don't know if Any Of This Shit makes any sense or is helpful. like i said, i've rewritten this several times already, and i've gotta do other stuff today, so hopefully you could pull something useful out of it lmao

[greenerteacups]

Hey, doesn't Draco get his own little nod of 'I guess we're cool now' from Harry.... in the 19 years later epilogue I like to pretend doesn't exist? Seriously, the wasted potential of Draco Malfoy as a character / foil! This is why I'm so grateful Lionheart exists as a canon AU!

I had to look this up in my copy, but the funny thing is, he actually doesn't! draco nods at harry when they're seeing their kids off at ol' Platform 9.75, but harry never responds, and draco turns away before the two can interact:

Draco caught sight of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny staring at him, nodded curtly, and turned away again.

this is the last thing that draco malfoy ever does in the books. it's a very strange gesture. because on the one hand, it implies they've made peace and achieved a level of professional civility — at any other point in the books, draco would have shown nowhere near even this bare-minimum level of politeness for harry. but also, ron's lingering vitriol towards draco ("so that's little scorpius... make sure you beat him in every test, rosie") implies that they're far from friends.

there is, of course, the fact that harry saves draco in the burning Room of Requirement, which is arguably the closest the books come to any statement of sympathy for draco: a sort of halfhearted, "yeah, he's not a good person, but he doesn't deserve to die a fiery death." which is something, at least. there's also a sort of neat line drawn between him and crabbe, who does die in the ROR fire, but crabbe does it out of active malice and ignorance, whereas draco seems just to be reluctantly following orders. that reluctance, combined with his refusal to identify harry earlier in the book, is what seems to save him. so it's not a total loss.

but this is my problem with the epilogue in general: nineteen years is a crazy long amount of time. insanely long. so long that most of these characters should be unrecognizable to us based on where they were in 1997, as should their dynamics. and so there's this tonal dissonance that arises when you realize that the Golden Trio all remember draco well enough to have a quiet moment of staring on the platform, they know his son's name, and they know his wife, too: the narration says he's there "with his wife and son," not "a woman who must have been his wife," or "a woman who seemed to be his wife," or anything else to suggest harry didn't recognize her. so clearly they know of each other and have had contact since the end of the war. but what on earth is that nod supposed to tell us NOW? it should have happened at the end of the battle of hogwarts, when it actually would have made sense and represented some acknowledgement of harry saving his life! that would have made sense in context! but after nineteen years, it means absolutely nothing, because we have no idea what their dynamic is anymore! it doesn't work.

[nullcanary]

15, 26, 32 for the writer asks! :3

Sorry it took so long to answer, but I've really been chewing on the line that has stuck with me and I may have gone a little overboard.

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

Yes, I write in the margins as well as underline/highlight phrases that stick out. I used to dog-ear pages, but I now have plenty of bookmarks that I regularly use. I read in the bath and at the pool. I do not judge people who do these things. Yes, let's be friends 💌

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

Getting in: Firstly, I'll listen to voice lines, read related canon material. I'll emulate their gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Act them out.

Next, Disco Elysium skills helped out with this one a bit because it really helps to pick apart a character's inner dialogue and mind map. What are the strengths and weaknesses in their intellect, psyche, physique, and motorics? How do they play off each other? How do they clash?

I'll use a grounding technique to settle into my setting: Identifying 5 things said character can see, 4 things they can touch, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell, and 1 thing they can taste.Try to fit into their skin, try to imagine thinking like them.

From there, I try to imagine the emotion they both are trying to convey and conceal. What are they feeling? How do they respond to physical touch? What burdens them? What spark drives them forward? What do they fear most? What do they crave most? If they're in a position of power, how do they maintain control?

Getting out: Crafting something with my hands. Going for a long walk outside. Making a warm cup of tea. Listening to some vinyls. Essentially, separating myself from the character and it's associated media. 

Regret: Oh, but of course…

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

This will not just be a single line. The entire chapter might have been able to exist outside of the story. It feels like a painting, which is fitting given the context of the chapter.

Excerpt from Chapter 15 of Kinesthetic by littlewhitemouse

Noriaki had been lying to himself when he said, if he had ever said, that he had been ‘corrupted’ by anything.  The concept that an outside force can create something inside you that is not already there is a self-deception. Intensify, curate, encourage, maybe alter, but not create. Corruption as a noun is inherent, necessarily pre-existing; corruption as a verb can only be self-directed.  Were Noriaki to explicate his realization of his inherent corruption, he would like to start with his taste in art. Not that that is necessarily the best way to tell the story, but that is what he would like.

.

The stranger was silent. Trying to quash irrational nervousness but not quite managing to keep his curiosity at bay, he looked up at him, turned his neck to gaze up at his height, like he was turning to the sky.  He was staring wordlessly at him, his lips slightly parted. Stilled and subtle, something turned his face soft and white, like satin. He saw with eerie curiosity that it seemed like that face almost didn’t fit him, as if he were wearing a fantastically articulate mask. It seemed as if, almost, he floated above his body, his pale face unnaturally pure and light, an angelic visage coming out of the darkness.  “…Who sent you?” asked the stranger.  Noriaki’s heart suddenly started up. The strangeness of the situation. The surreal, patchwork miasma surrounding the whole situation, a new life starting in a room of graves. What was he saying? “I came here myself,” he told him. A smile spread on his face like a slash of pale yellow watercolor paint, splitting the red waters of his lips on either side.  “But you shall not leave that way,” he said, solemn conviction, and he lifted his arm for Noriaki to grasp. “Shall we?” It was as though he was watching something that should not move extend its clutching hand to him; Lucifer of Liège lifting high his crown and whip. With no manners, no bow or placating grin, he asked him, “Shall we what?”  The only change in the strange stillness of the man’s unearthly pose was his smile spreading into his glittering eyes, which he hadn’t noticed weren’t smiling before. “Go.” 

I found this fic when I was first reexploring fanfiction. I was really into Jotaro/Kakyoin because of the angst and tragedy. This fic… was different.  It was written with a very train-of-thought, loose prose, synesthesia-esque, textural repetition, language of the mind style. In many ways, I kept reading because I couldn’t look away? 

This fic was a formative experience, highlighted by chapter 15 in particular. An analysis of corruption. An ode to historical dark art. The formation of taste for the macabre and grotesque. The exploration of how that shapes one's inner landscape. And furthermore, what another can do to exploit, abuse, and manipulate those feelings. The temptation to interact with a mysterious force that ultimately expects complete and violent devotion.

I think this fic is what relaunched my love for art, for museums, for history. I feel in many ways it was the first thing that made something in my own mind click into place and begin processing both my love for dark art and fiction and the traumas that suppressed my ability to allow myself to enjoy it.

Each referenced piece of art has an attached link with the image, so as to pull you further into the visual scenery, the spiraling descent of this madness and trauma.

When I think of Dio’s “dubious sensuality”, I think of this scene. I think of the raw, defense-crumbling experience of meeting a powerful, influential force within the very setting that has shaped who you are as a person. Someone who you feel sees you exactly the way you wish to be seen and accepted. Noriaki never had a chance. Dio is a living, breathing sculpture that he can explore and in turn, be shaped by. His fault is in thinking he ever had control of the situation. 

I love the character study this provides for Kakyoin. There is a violence, a viciousness, a cruelty that roils underneath his skin, independent of outside forces. 

Knowing Kakyoin as he did now, knowing him to be self-controlled, conspicuous, patient, considerate, it was hard to even recall or explain the cruelty he possessed, not until and whenever he chose to display it again. And again, and again. Kakyoin was cruel on occasion, not as his rule, only when provoked, never without a defensible reason, but he was cruel. He was beat you to the brink of death cruel, but Jotaro understood that. He was also lick my heel and apologize for what you did cruel, which he didn’t understand.

He tries to hold it down, hide it away, in order to atone for his sins, his “corruption”, the horror of what Dio was able to convince him and, later, command him to do. There is an underlying bitterness to it all after the fact. This chapter, these lines, add context to why that is. How exactly Dio shaped him into a weapon. How after escaping and freeing his mind from Dio’s impulses, he recognizes that the cruelty still remains. Sculpted and sharpened. But ultimately, something he will be able to reclaim for himself in a healthier setting with proper reflection, character development, growth, and healing. There's something cathartic about the entire experience.

[melishade]

Hello

Is it possible to ask for number 11 "They shouldn't treat you like that." Between Mikasa and Papa Megs, when Mikasa heard what Arcee, Wheeljack and the rest of the corps in general thought of him.

This ask game

Ehhhh...Doesn't really work here.

Despite Mikasa and Megatron bonding in Hizuru OVA, Megatron's character progression still isn't complete, and Mikasa is completely aware that Megatron has done war crimes. It would be extremely hypocritical of her to try to defend him.

I'll just do Eren and Optimus when it comes to the Marleyans insulting Optimus specifically.

When Eren was in human form, none of the Marleyans were the wiser about who he was. Eren believed that it was because his titan form was so monstrous compared to his human form. Eren couldn't speak in titan form. He could only communicate through grunts and hand gestures. They couldn't really identify him.

However, they were able to identify Optimus. Optimus' holoform outfit was the same color scheme as his titan form. Optimus was able to speak in his actual form as well, and it was the same. So of course, the Marleyans were able to identify him.

That didn't make any of this okay. Eren clenched his fists in anger whenever he saw the Marleyans glaring at Optimus. He could hear their hushed whispers of them calling him a devil, a monster. Some of them were bolder. They called him a metal husk, a freak that defied the natural order of nature just because he was metal. They didn't even think that he had thoughts and feelings of his own. They would mock him every time he followed a request or command from Hanji, saying that he had no will of his own! How dare they! Optimus was the freest being he ever knew. He was the kindest! The most patient! The most understanding! And they treated him like he was nothing!

But what felt like the worst part about it, was that Optimus didn't care. Or ignored it! He couldn't understand! Why would Optimus just brush this aside?! It wasn't fair!

"You shouldn't let this go!" Eren told him at one point as the two were heading back to the Walls in Optimus' alt mode.

"I do not understand." Optimus was perplexed by Eren's sudden proclamation.

"How do you not know about the way that the Marleyans have been treating you?!" Eren demanded, "They're calling you a 'demon' and a 'lifeless husk'! They think you don't have free will of your own! And they-!"

"Eren, what the Marleyans think of me does not concern me, and it should not concern you either," Optimus calmly stated.

"Well it should!" Eren declared, "You shouldn't let them demean you like that!"

"Eren, I have been around for a long time. Being a Prime and the leader of a faction during the war, I have had my own fair share of insults thrown my way. From both Autobots and Decepticons," Optimus explained.

Eren was surprised at that. "But...you-,"

"I have had people insult the way that I speak and how I lead. I had have my own subordinates get frustrated with me about my own actions during the war," Optimus continued, "Because of my position on Cybertron, I have had people who have respected me, and who have despised me. The words of a few humans who have been brainwashed and choose to remain in ignorance means nothing to me."

Eren crossed his arms. "It still isn't fair."

"I am aware," Optimus said to him, "But change is something that take time and work. We should award them an opportunity to see life on Paradis and help them understand that we are not devils."

"And what if they don't want to change?" Eren asked him.

"Then we will act accordingly with the laws of Paradis," Optimus answered him with ease, "For now, just have patience."

Eren grumbled at that. "Fine."

"...I do appreciate your concern for my well-being," Optimus added.

Eren raised his head to the radio. "You do?"

"You are being responsive because you mean well, and I understand that," Optimus explained, "I can handle myself just fine, but even so, thank you for trying to consider how I might feel in this situation."

"Of course," Eren said, "You mean a lot to me."

Optimus felt comfort at that fact, and the two continued making their way to the Walls in silence.

(Not really angst, but it's nice. It's fluff, kind of. I like it. Again, you are more than welcome to ask me from that list up top.)

[tolkien-feels]

Would you do Aredhel, Nerdanel, Amrod, Celegorm, Maglor, Amras Beren, Luthien, Namo, Sauron, Morgoth, Melian, Thingol, Daeron, and Mim for the ask game please? (I apologize for the laundry list; I'm just really curious about what you think about them!) (I'm not intending for them to be done all at once!)

That is quite a list. Okay, let's try to do this, but I apologize for the length. I've tried my best to be brief but if you follow me you know I don't know how to shut up. You can watch in real time how I manage to be concise for a little bit and then gradually derange into rambling

Already done: Ambarussa and Luthien

Aredhel

Sexuality Headcanon: Straight, allo, just very vanilla

Gender Headcanon: She's cis in both identity and presentation, but aggressively anti restrictive gender roles

A ship I have with said character: Lowkey Eol in a messed up way (exactly in what way they're messed up changes depending on my mood), but I'm generally uninterested in shipping Aredhel

A BROTP I have with said character: *gestures broadly at the Finwean family tree* All my shipping interest with this character went into family brotps I think! I'll just highlight a somewhat unusual relationship I'm really interested in: Curufin. Oh, and Idril.

A NOTP I have with said character: In terms of romantic, none. In terms of friendship - Aredhel & Galadriel. I have complex thoughts about their relationship but I actively dislike them as besties.

A random headcanon: I've spoken a little about this before, but you know the relationship Celegorm has with Orome? I headcanon Aredhel has something similar with Nessa

General Opinion over said character: I have no idea why I don't talk about her more often, because I find her super interesting. I'm very particular about fanon takes on her, but I'm very much into canon!Aredhel

Nerdanel

Sexuality Headcanon: I don't actually vibe with the Kinsey scale, but for the sake of simplicity: she's like a 1. I don't think she would label herself as anything more detailed than queer, though

Gender Headcanon: It's complicated. Other people might assume she's gnc, but she's cis. She's just... not very good at performing Valinorean gender, and generally interested in trying very hard to. But she very much identifies as female

A ship I have with said character: FEANOR!!! And that's it. But that's one of my favorite otps across all my fandoms

A BROTP I have with said character: ...also Feanor. Her children as well. MAHTAN. Aule. My completely made up post-Darkening friendship between Nerdanel and Manwe

A NOTP I have with said character: Anaire and/or Earwen. I'm not a huge fan of them as friends (I find it more interesting if they are not) and I'm definitely not into them as romantic ship(s)

A random headcanon: She has a pad and charcoal with her pretty much at all times and is semi-constantly taking down quick sketches of things that interest her. They're studies for future sculptures, but she favors abstract sculptures so very few people can see the relationship between sketches and final products

General Opinion over said character: Love of my life. Blorbo. I once worked myself up to tears just by thinking about her tragedy. Would kill and die for her.

Celegorm

Sexuality Headcanon: Pan but also poly (in the sense of polyamory), which is a major taboo in Valinor and messes him up quite a bit.

Gender Headcanon: I'm a huge fan of transmasc Celegorm tbh, I have a whole post about it

A ship I have with said character: None? Not in particular. I deeply enjoy the idea of Celegorm, in one of his creepiest moments, deciding if he ever can become Not Poly, it will be by loving Luthien, the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, who comes with a crown. But that's not a ship, that's a plot point headcanon, I wouldn't even want this plot point to last long.

A BROTP I have with said character: Other than his family? Orome, I guess. I will say, though, that I enjoy Celegorm getting along with his cousins more than other Feanorians do

A NOTP I have with said character: Aredhel. I like him seeing her as a little sister so much I genuinely forget this is a popular ship until I see it

A random headcanon: Adores children. Ever since childhood, he just loves everyone who's younger than him. And yes, he's fun and has unusual ideas about safety, but he's actually extremely protective and will never put a child in actual danger. He gives them the illusion of danger without ever actually endangering them

General Opinion over said character: I mean, my blog is like 90% Feanorians at some points, do you even have to ask? I love him. My own son, I love him

Maglor

Sexuality Headcanon: I have two answers for this. The actual headcanon is bi. The funny headcanon is that he's aroace but assumes he's pan because "equal amounts of attraction equals pan, right?" when the amount of attraction is actually zero. The reason why this is funny is because I always headcanon Maedhros as aroace, and I deeply enjoy the idea of the two of them having the same identity but having no clue of it until like, halfway through adulthood

Gender Headcanon: Very much cismale

A ship I have with said character: Daeron, but in a very specific way, and it's a ship I enjoy a lot, but not quite an otp

A BROTP I have with said character: As with all Finweans, his whole family. I have to mention kidnap fam, but I only enjoy it if it's messed up. Also - Daeron again

A NOTP I have with said character: His semi-canonical spouse. I never remember they exist and when I do, I just say "No, thanks."

A random headcanon: Absolutely deadly on the battlefield. He doesn't enjoy violence, but being ruthless won't keep him up at night. And mercy killings are kind of his thing.

General Opinion over said character: Same as Celegorm - my own son. But I feel like almost all the headcanons I have about Maglor are almost the opposite of the most popular fanons

Beren

Sexuality Headcanon: ...PTSD. No, just kidding. But kind of not. I headcanon Beren simply hasn't had the opportunity to even meet people he could conceivably be attracted to. I headcanon him as bi, but does he know that? Nope. As far as he's concerned, he's stayingalivesexual at first and then Luthiensexual later

Gender Headcanon: Cis, but after his first death, he generally stops caring and is curious enough about Luthien's weird, half-Maia gender to try out some minor gender presentation things. But it does nothing for him, really, he's just curious and after trying it once he pretty much loses interest. A case could be made for some flavor of enby.

A ship I have with said character: Luthien, of course. Daeron/Beren is a crackship that I take more seriously every time I joke about it and one of these days I'll end up unironically getting into it and crying over the tragedy of it all

A BROTP I have with said character: Barahir's outlaws as a group. Finrod and his elves, too. Thingol and Melian (trust me, I can make it work.) And I have many thoughts about him and Dior. As always, I gravitate around family groups. Oh, and I have an entire au in my head where he basically adopts Turin, and I love it

A NOTP I have with said character: Interestingly, Finrod. They have a lot of elements that usually would make them otp material for me, but somehow I can't get into it

A random headcanon: Could give some of the best archers in Tolkien a run for their money

General Opinion over said character: From my hyperspecific ramblings you can probably guess I'm always thinking about him. I love him both for who he is and for how he parallels ten thousand characters. Parallels make brain go brr

Namo

Sexuality Headcanon: Vala. I headcanon no Vala can feel attraction, romantic or sexual. They experience attraction rather in the way their roles in the Song are structured, and I can't wrap my mind around it

Gender Headcanon: Similar to the above. I headcanon the Valar only really started doing gender based on their understanding of how the Children of Iluvatar would be like, and they're all outside of the gender spectrum we could understand. No, they aren't agender, either. Nor xenogender. They're Something Else.

A ship I have with said character: Again, none. Vaire, I suppose, but that falls between ship and brotp

A BROTP I have with said character: See above on Vaire. Other relationships I enjoy are Lorien and Nienna, as well as Manwe

A NOTP I have with said character: Um... none? Nothing I can think of

A random headcanon: He's gentler with the dead than with the living. Not because he's awkward or anything. He's just conscious of the power he has over the dead and is more careful not to misuse it, while the living are free real estate to treat in any way he sees fit depending on the person

General Opinion over said character: I love the Valar in general, although they break my brain. Mandos is one of the ones I think the least often about, but whenever I do think about him I go "Oh he's fun, I should think about him more often!"

Sauron

Sexuality Headcanon: See Namo. I think Maiar can feel attraction, though, it's just extremely rare, and tends to be for other Maiar. I headcanon Sauron is one of those who has never felt any kind of non-Song-related attraction towards anyone, really. But he's keenly aware of how to be attractive and enjoys it, but from a power rush standpoint only

Gender Headcanon: See Namo again. But I think Sauron finds gender annoyingly messy (what do you mean each culture sees it differently? That's inefficient. No.) and struggles to commit to it in the way most other other Ainur do. Left to his own devices he nopes out of gender; when he's among people (eg Eregion, or Numenor) he performs gender perfectly while finding the whole thing absurd. He defaults to male gender exclusively because of the societal benefits; he would default to female in a matriarchal society, probably.

A ship I have with said character: None

A BROTP I have with said character: Um... Also none? I deeply enjoy the idea of Morgoth and Sauron being a twisted version of Manwe and Eonwe (which is a brotp I have) but it's not a brotp as much as a trainwreck dynamic. I also enjoy Sauron and Celebrimbor having messed up dynamics, but again, trainwreck. Aule and Sauron can be fun but I'm picky.

A NOTP I have with said character: I'm not at all into Sauron being actively in love with someone, so. All of them.

A random headcanon: Ironically for a crafter, he sort of. sucks. at creating realistic fanar for himself. He always ends up in uncanny valley territory due to compulsively wanting to have no flaws - he looks computer-generated, basically. He was better at this when the world was young, but the more he corrupts himself, the worst he becomes at it (while he still can change his fana, anyway)

General Opinion over said character: I wouldn't say I don't like Sauron, but I'm fairly uninterested in straight up villains, while being uninterested in making Sauron anything but the embodiment of a specific kind of evil (though that depends on when in the timeline we're talking about), so I tend not to give him too much thought. He's fun to play with, though, philosophically speaking

Morgoth

Sexuality Headcanon: Again. Vala. Does not apply.

Gender Headcanon: Vala. Does not apply. But he's a huge fan of how gender opens the door for comprehensive oppression in new and fresh ways. Up there with jewelry in the list of best things the elves came up with.

A ship I have with said character: Oh, none. I can crackship him and Gothmog exclusively because I think it'd be funny to ship an Angband ship that isn't Angbang, but that's just to laugh about, I wouldn't be interested in actually exploring it

A BROTP I have with said character: Like I said, Sauron, in a twisting of a Vala-Maia relationship. MANWE MANWE MANWE MANWE. Nienna. Recently, Indis. Hate-brotp with too many characters to count - I love people pissing Morgoth off

A NOTP I have with said character: None? All? I'm unlikely to either enjoy a Morgoth ship or hate it enough to run away

A random headcanon: He genuinely cannot feel love anymore, but he badly wants Manwe under his command because their connection is part of the fabric of the universe, and servitude is the only way Morgoth can conceptualize wanting Manwe near now he can't understand brotherhood anymore (actually I should make a post about this, I have many thoughts on this)

General Opinion over said character: Pretty much exactly the same opinion as what I said about Sauron, but I'll add Book of Lost Tales Melko entertains me a lot

Melian

Sexuality Headcanon: One of the rare Maiar who feels attraction, and the Ainur judge her for directing it at an elf. Having said that, Thingol is an anomaly, and she is attracted to no other being in the world, although she intellectually understands the concept of attraction better than most Ainur

Gender Headcanon: Maia. Does not apply, really, but she delights in something similar to elven womanhood. She would probably consider herself trans, though, because she's chasing a gender euphoria that she does not get with whatever is going on with the Ainur concept of gender

A ship I have with said character: Thingol. That's literally it.

A BROTP I have with said character: Essentially anyone who's ever stepped in Doriath, I kid you not. The instant someone steps in Doriath I start inventing a relationship they could have with Melian. Also, Yavanna and Orome

A NOTP I have with said character: Um... none? ...actually. Thingol/Melian done wrong. I nope out of a lot of portrayals of them as much as I get into portrayals of them I enjoy.

A random headcanon: Her voice is rather deep and quiet and creepily melodic. It's the clearest giveaway she's not actually an elf

General Opinion over said character: I have always enjoyed Melian, but the older I get, the more fond I become of her tbh. Not sure why but it's been a clear tendency for the past decade of my life

Thingol

Sexuality Headcanon: Uh... queer. Some flavor of. But I can't pin it down and I think he definitely wouldn't.

Gender Headcanon: Manflux, but on an elvish scale of time. He can occasionally spend a mortal lifetime without any changes to how he feels about his gender, for example

A ship I have with said character: Melian. Other than that, Finwe (sometimes including Miriel as an OT3, but I tend to headcanon Thingol/Miriel as qp)

A BROTP I have with said character: Same as Melian - everybody who's ever been in Doriath. Also his family (Thingol and Elwe in particular break my heart), and Finwe and Ingwe

A NOTP I have with said character: Same as Melian: Thingol/Melian done wrong. I don't know, I feel like there are some ships I'd consider notps, but none is coming to mind

A random headcanon: Local tall elf uses disturbing height to perfect the art of forehead kisses. No, really. Not many people get them but it's pretty unforgettable if you can manage to get one. (This goes hand-in-hand with my headcanon forehead kisses were the go-to way to wish someone well in Cuivienen, and that tradition stuck in most of Beleriand, though not in Aman.)

General Opinion over said character: I really like him! I mean, very flawed character who is doing his best but that's really inadequate for the situations he finds himself in? That's My Type. I can also be very protective of him because I think he has enough flaws without people bad-faith interpretations of every single thing he does. (But also he's a mess, don't make him perfect either. I'm picky.)

Daeron

Sexuality Headcanon: Demi

Gender Headcanon: You know what? This is the first time I'm thinking about Daeron's gender. I have no idea. Masc-presenting, I think, but there's something... unusual about how I picture his gender? Like, I would describe his gender as "boy" very comfortably, but "man" feels off, but I don't headcanon him as particularly childish, so I don't know. Something.

A ship I have with said character: When it's done in the particular way I like, Luthien. As I've mentioned, I might end up going for Daeron/Beren too. I've mentioned Daeron/Maglor, too. And I'm not sure whether to go on ship or on brotp but I have a friend who is trying to sell me on qp Beleg/Daeron and they're being successful

A BROTP I have with said character: LUTHIEN LUTHIEN LUTHIEN. Thingol and Melian. Occasionally, I get in a mood to explore Beleg and Mablung too. Oh, Maglor, too, in a specific way.

A NOTP I have with said character: None?

A random headcanon: There is not a person Daeron has ever met he cannot make laugh or at least smile given enough time

General Opinion over said character: I'M A PROUD MEMBER OF THE DAERON DEFENSE SQUAD. I'm just that meme of the samurai holding the cat, you know the one? I love him so much and people are so mean to him. Also, I draw a lot of my characterization for him by comparing the evolution of other Leithian characters through drafts, and considering how Daeron might have evolved if Tolkien gave him as much attention as I wish he had - and that's just intellectually fun

Mim

Are you part of the rock opera discord?

Sexuality & Gender Headcanon: Lumping these together because I'm so torn. I have headcanons about how dwarrow genders work but they're very... Durin line-centric. I'm not sure how much they'd apply to Mim's own culture, nor how he would relate to genders outside of his own culture. So um... I guess further worldbuilding is required for me to be able to answer this.

A ship I have with said character: SIGH. I hate my life, but. Mim/Finrod. Listen. It has potential. It has! The tragedy of it al!!!!! (Let this be a lesson that if you crackship something for long enough you'll end up really shipping it.) I could also, I think, ship Mim/Beleg but exclusively in the context of a mutually destructive ship where Mim is just taking out his Finrod issues on somebody else and Beleg..... no idea, I haven't thought that far. The ship has just now occurred to me, don't ask difficult questions.

A BROTP I have with said character: I very much enjoy his relationship with Turin and the rest of his crew, but it's very important that not a single person under Mim's roof behaves in a hinged way, so jot that down. (I also wish I spent more time thinking about his relationship with his sons, but I haven't really done that yet.)

A NOTP I have with said character: None. Listen, after Mim/Finrod I think it's been conclusively proved I will ship Mim with anyone given enough incentive

A random headcanon: He enjoys epic poetry/music as defined by his people. I feel very strongly about it. It's important to him, and the loss of the songs he's never learned grieves him.

General Opinion over said character: I've been looking forward to meeting him in my CoH re-read! I find him very tragic, and he always reminds me Norse mythology, which I used to love as a child. Also, I have to read his Complaint one of these days, if I can find a re-translation and the right mood to read it

[aries-rising-on-an-aquarius-tide]

Pairing is Robert Goren + Original Character (Law & Order: Criminal Intent) for the THIGH RIDING square of ThatEsqCrush's Kinktober Bingo.

Rating: NC-17

Spoilers: Endgame, Untethered

Trigger/Content Warnings: Vague reference to choking, bar/strip club environment, vague reference to mental health, alcohol, frottage, thigh riding

-------------------------------

Approximation

By the time Bobby stopped searching the sea of faces on the sidewalks, even the rise of the pavement meeting his feet felt as slanted as his worldview. Donny wasn't there, of course - finding him was just another item on a long list of things that Bobby seemed to have been failing at for the past year.

Or perhaps for his entire life. He was no longer sure how much he gave a damn, either way.

When his feet stopped moving, though, he heard Frank's voice again - proof that there was at least one thing he still gave a damn about:

"Just take Eames to a motel and get it out of your system!"

Frank had no idea how close he had come to death; Bobby had actually felt the bones of his brother's neck snapping like dry kindling crying out for flame. Most everything else that Frank ever garbled out was just noise, just so much static that never hit home because they were brothers by blood but hardly knew each other at all.

But somehow . . . somehow Frank had known about Eames, as soon as he'd laid eyes on her down a busy street. He had known, and Bobby was angry and frightened at being recognized, being seen by his brother that way. It was as if Frank had reached inside his head and pulled out the exact words that Bobby would mutter to his own self sometimes. When he caught himself gazing at his partner too long, or sitting at home on a Saturday night with his hand creeping past the waistband of his pyjamas.

Just get it out of your system.

The idea only worked, however, if he believed it was just about sex. Bobby wasn't sure there was a big enough fool in all of New York to believe that one.

He stopped walking, vaguely aware of the crowd now parting and flowing around the obstacle he had become. The lights hurt his eyes, still bothering him since Tates (among many other things), as he tried to identify just where he was.

Instead of familiar landmarks, what loomed out at him was a garishly lit sign for some kind of strip club, and suddenly Bobby Goren was dying for a drink. Bobby was parched, as a matter of fact. So he followed the sign inside, just another doomed phototactic creature in the Summer night.

The music in the club was muted, a mid-range warble just loud enough to discourage real conversation, and a couple girls were dancing on a small stage while most were smiling politely in booths with the clientele. Bobby didn't really register any of them yet, too fixed on bellying up to the bar. He ordered three shots of expensive Scotch and knocked them back in succession before sliding a platinum credit card to the bar tender. Nodding his head in the direction of an empty booth, he told the man to keep drinks coming, then went to take a seat.

Bobby'd hardly been seated long enough to contemplate his drink when the first woman approached him. She was tall, with long black hair and high breasts. He greeted her politely, even managed a fascimile of a smile, but she drifted away quickly when he didn't ask her to take a seat. A redhead followed behind, then a Black woman with a long, swinging braid, and the scene replayed itself twice more.

"I suppose you're going to send me away, too, huh Lurch?"

Bobby startled at the sound of the voice - nearly convinced it was his partner, it was so similar. It wasn't Alexandra, however the woman who stood across the table was also petite, with blonde-leading-on brunette hair and a smile like Eames': cute yet somehow stern.

"Lurch?" he echoed.

"Because you're so tall," she chuckled.

"What's your name?" Bobby asked, sure that it would be Alex in some cruel twist of Fate.

"Kelli." He gestured at the free space alongside him in the booth, and she took her time sliding into it. "Unless, of course, your wife's name is the same."

Draining his rum and coke, he signalled for another. "I'm not married," he said simply.

"Really? You look miserable enough for it," Kelli responded, and her eyes lit up when it got a breathless chuff of laughter out of him.

"Would you like a drink?"

Bobby wasn't the least bit surprised when she ordered a Bourbon.

"So. Want to tell me why the long face?" she prodded.

Bobby took his time before answering with, "I lost someone."

"Girlfriend?"

He shook his head.

"Wow," Kelli exhaled over her Bourbon, "for a guy with no wife and no girlfriend, you look real bad off. Must have been some loss."

"It was . . . someone I could have saved."

She regarded him with her hazel eyes that were so like Alexandra's. "I don't believe that. If people are gonna fuck up, then they fuck up. If they're gonna come around eventually, then they do. Everything else is just time."

Bobby didn't want to believe that, either, but he admired the simplicity.

"Is that what you do for a living?"

"What's that?"

"Try to save people. A doctor?" she guessed.

"No."

"Shrink?"

"God, no," he chuckled.

"Good, 'cause you might need one yourself," she teased, and bumped his shoulder with her own.

He liked her laugh, but would never tell her. "I'm a police Detective."

She eyed him for a long moment, sizing him up with more interest. "You come lookin' to check the permits or somethin'? Jerry runs a clean place. Take my word for it."

Goren finished another drink. "I don't give a fuck about the permits. Or Jerry," he sniffed, ordering more liquor.

"I believe it." They sat in silence for a few minutes, nursing their drinks. "So what do you want?" she tried. "It's obviously not small talk, and if y'wanted a lap dance, you'd have sat closer to the stage. What's the secret?"

Not that long ago, he had been strapped to a table in a prison, eyeball-deep in his own raving madness, practically crying for a mother he no longer had. And this woman wanted to know why he didn't look like a man who wanted a lap dance. Bobby swallowed his drink and relished the burn of the liquor while he searched for an answer.

What did he want? He wanted Donny back. He wanted his mother. He wanted his partner to be proud of him, to not have to put up with the pitying looks the rest of One-PP gave her when they thought he wasn't paying attention. More than all of that, in that moment in that muted shitty strip bar, Bobby wanted to be a man who looked like he wanted . . . something.

Downing his drink, Bobby screwed his eyes shut and let out a sigh that was also half a groan. "C'mere." His big hands reached for her without waiting for a response. He knew she'd let him.

The petite woman fit in his lap with room to spare. She remained silent, merely curious where it was heading. When Goren parted his knees, Kelli instinctually settled her thighs over his leg. God, he was big. The flex of his leg muscle alone sent a rush of goosebumps through her. With his hands still heavy on her hips, he fixed his gaze at her waist and gently encouraged her to rock.

Bobby shut his eyes again, focusing on his sense of touch as the club drifted away. He could feel the clench and release of her leg muscles, the thin outlined ridge of the pair of short shorts she had on, and before long the insistent jut of her hard clit.

He wanted to get it out of his system.

He let out another soft, sighing groan which spurred Kelli to grind harder against him. She was soaking her shorts, and soon it was another sensation he acknowledged. Fingers fluttered curiously over where he'd grown hard inside his pants.

"Tell me your name,' Kelli murmured near his ear, still chasing her pleasure while his femoris muscle battered her clit.

"Robert."

She cupped him, stroking him as best she could through the unforgiving material of his pants, allowing herself for just a moment to imagine what it would be like to let the hulk of a cop fuck her with what she assumed was a proportionately hulking cock. It drew a muffled whimper from her, which in turn made his cock twitch.

It was just another Tuesday night, and Kelli was about to come on this guy's leg. She smirked and leaned in to his ear again.

"Tell me her name," she breathed.

He responded 'Whose?" But he knew.

"The woman you're picturing dripping all over your thigh," she chuckled. "It's ok, I'll let you call me that - whatever it is."

She increased pressure against where her hand was still keeping his interest up. Bobby was hard, a little drunk, exhausted; his eyes rolled in pleasure and sensory overload.

"Alex," he confessed. He licked his lips. "Alexandra."

She matched the rhythm of her rocking to the stroke of her hand over his bulge. "Alexandra," she echoed, and her voice, so like his partner's, was what did him in.

The smug satisfaction in feeling him stiffen and grunt beneath her got Kelli off, trembling on his thigh as she left the evidence on his pants. She gave him a few minutes before she backed off of his lap, still smiling personably. There was a swig left of Bobby's drink and she slaked her dry throat with it.

"Come back any time, Robert," she said quietly. A moment later and she was on her feet, walking toward the back of the room where the club dissolved into dressing rooms and bathroom stalls.

Bobby looked around a bit sheepishly, wondering if others had been watching, but found the room still just a dim getaway full of people looking to escape themselves. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he decided he would get his credit card back from the bartender and go home.

Maybe he would call Alex when he got there.

END

[omgkalyppso]

Would you want to do 1, 17, 19 for Hilda for the pride asks??

You know I would! fdghdfg Thank you for the ask. uwu

1.How do they identify?

I headcanon Hilda to be a bisexual cis woman. There's nothing interesting about in/tsys making a feminine woman but I can entertain myself with Hilda as a fat, muscular femme.

17. What advice would they give their younger self?

It's a coin toss whether I headcanon one of fire emblem's missing mothers as deceased or not; I do in Hilda's case. So in a canon setting there's just aging (retired) Goneril Senior who has given control of the house to Holst; who Hilda says would have been the next obvious choice for leader of the Alliance if Claude hadn't shown up.

(I have a point, I'm getting to it.)

The difference in how Hilda addresses Cyril compared to how Holst refers to Cyril in his letter, reminds me of interactions in my mixed family. Hilda reads the letter to Cyril (for the audience's benefit Really but we can pretend) as a gesture of good will, but from what we can glean, Holst didn't write to Cyril, his letter was fully intended for his little sister and I feel that the words between the lines of this (and probably other letters from Holst) are, "Don't turn out like dad. Can you see it? In how we were raised?"

In a modern setting fic of mine, I have Fae, Claude and Lorenz visit the Gonerils. They join Holst in his furnished basement while Hilda's parents stay on the main floor and they can hear Goneril Sr shouting his displeasure / lack of understanding from the floor above. Hilda's mother is the only character I've written to actually (accidentally) misgender Fae (so far?).

I think Claude would have had a harder time bringing Nader over if Goneril Sr was still in charge of the border. I don't think he's only made of hate, but I think her parents would be reflective of the fears, stereotypes and reputation that's hinted at with regards to the "Eastern Menace" of Almyra and Fodlan nobility as a whole.

I think this is supported by how they spoil and scold Hilda.

And so.

Hilda's advice to her younger self would include a reassurance that her inner life will one day just be her life, and that her being extroverted won't always be a performance or a misinterpretation with how she'd rather laze / do nothing / not try. I think she would advise making sure she's more patient and generally kinder with herself and others, which would include a gamut of diversity, because even though she's very sympathetic, she expresses it with a haughty entitlement in her youth that has been learned and nurtured by people she can never fully please anyway.

I think other advice she would have for herself would veer further from the theme of Pride except for how it still would relate to her, a bi woman, you know?

Anyway, rotating this line in my mind at light speed:

Hilda: Ooh, they eloped! I like that. It's so romantic. Imagine, abandoning your family forever to be with the one you love! Not everyone can do that.

19. What’s the [identity]-est thing they’ve ever done?

In Houses canon: That one line in the m/arihilda paired ending:

The accessories sent to Marianne personally by Hilda became some of the most highly valued treasures in history.

It has to win out because without the m/arihilda paired ending there'd be far less wlw Hilda content. However, I also want to honour her A Support with Claude for this:

Hilda: When you smile or laugh, it's not sincere. I can tell. I've only seen you genuinely smile a handful of times. Like when you're talking to the professor. Claude: Well? Good one, Hilda. You hit me right in the gut. I guess you're right. I'm not so different from you in that way. But how did you come to realize that? Have you been watching me that closely? Hilda: I'm afraid so. My eyes seem to wander toward you, of their own accord. Waagh! Hold on! Forget I said that. I didn't say that.

Because I interpret this as a casual attraction to both Claude and Byleth (regardless of gender). I don't know. It's something about unintentional attention -- and care built up over years, you know?

In Hopes canon: Her Leonie support chain.

Nonsense: Her dock martens / big ol' boots + pink aesthetic.

Explicit Nonsense:

Either when Lorenz comes out as bisexual sometime after marriage and the nature of their intimacy changes, first with her pegging him and then with them discussing more candidly their attraction to others of any gender.

Or whenever she has sex with with any of her partners in any configuration.

[mysticalspiders]

Voyage of the Nautilus: "Mobilis In Mobili"

We aren’t in a kettle yet!”

I want to start saying this.

But this luminous globe hadn’t been turned on without good reason. 

I also want to start calling all lights “luminous globes.”

You could sense that his everyday conversation must have been packed with such vivid figures of speech as personification, symbolism, and misplaced modifiers.

Aronnax sense that this guy has a tumblr blog. 

his hands refined, tapered, and to use a word from palmistry, highly “psychic,” in other words, worthy of serving a lofty and passionate spirit

What does it mean to have psychic hands??! Is this just a very nerdy way to justify staring at the captain? (I know that its some physiognomy bullshit but I still think that calling hands psychic is hilarious). 

New theory, physiognomy was just a way for men in the 19th century to justify staring at each other without it seeming gay. 

This man was certainly the most wonderful physical specimen I had ever encountered.

Besides the hilarious queer readings of this, I love that Aronnax looks at everything through the naturalist lens. Something something unique perspective of the narrator. 

Is “physical specimen” going to be the “manhood” of 20,000 leagues? 

What a look—as if he could magnify objects shrinking into the distance; as if he could probe your very soul; as if he could pierce those sheets of water so opaque to our eyes and scan the deepest seas . . . !

I am already on board with shipping Aronnax and the captain ... Aronnax just casually slipping in his eyes probing the soul in between asserting that he must able to see really well, like we wouldn’t notice. 

It was a sonorous, harmonious, flexible dialect whose vowels seemed to undergo a highly varied accentuation.

What a way to describe the way someone talks? 

and finally conveyed by an expressive gesture that we were dying of hunger.

I can’t figure out what this gesture is? Is Ned rubbing hist stomach? Or like running a finger across his throat? Imaging Ned just gesticulating widely and ranting in English is hilarious. 

“Like most Flemish people, with all due respect to master.”

“On the contrary, my respect is due you. Go to it, my boy.”

Conseil is so funny and so long suffering. And Aronnax takes it all in stride! Aronnax would be so lost without Conseil!

Finally, as a last resort, I hauled out everything I could remember from my early schooldays, and I tried to narrate our adventures in Latin

The image of these three men just desperately explaining their situation in every language they can manage finally culminating in high school Latin. 

“My views are fully formed,” Ned Land shot back. “They’re rogues!”“

Oh good! And from what country?”

“Roguedom!”

I think that Jules Verne is very very good at writing dialogue?! His characters are so unique and vivid and they play off of each other so well! The dialogue has really been a highlight of the book so far. 

Why, in every country on earth, when you open your mouth, snap your jaws, smack your lips and teeth, isn’t that the world’s most understandable message?

I guess this answers my previous question. 

Among the foods we were served, I was able to identify various daintily dressed fish; but I couldn’t make up my mind about certain otherwise excellent dishes, and I couldn’t even tell whether their contents belonged to the vegetable or the animal kingdom. 

I am always looking out for the food in these various classics. And I am already intrigued by this. 

[ferelden-loser]

I posted 4,895 times in 2022

That's 302 more posts than 2021!

31 posts created (1%)

4,864 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@grich-witch

@imadhatt3r

@spockpandasaurus

@lyriumrain

@shit-zu

I tagged 3,578 of my posts in 2022

Only 27% of my posts had no tags

#fe3h - 653 posts

#crobs - 600 posts

#tiktok - 294 posts

#lgbtq - 177 posts

#byleth eisner - 150 posts

#few3h - 129 posts

#claude von riegan - 126 posts

#memes - 119 posts

#blue lions - 108 posts

#sylvain jose gautier - 106 posts

Longest Tag: 119 characters

#‘she’s not one of us’ ‘she’s only doing it for attention/to prey on other women’ shut the fuck up you sound like a terf

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

really weird seeing the sudden opinion of consumers of interactive fiction that the whole world has to revolve around the MC? that everyone has to like them and instantly think they’re the best thing ever? like… no???

8 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

#4

8 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

#3

presented with absolutely no context

21 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

#2

Dreamling - Recreated

(sorry I’m on the app and I can’t do read more - if you don’t wanna read then you’re gonna have to scroll 😅)

Anything can be reborn in the Dreaming. Perhaps the recollections of another who had walked the ancient walls of the White Horse Inn would not have recreated it in their mind so authentically, and at the same time a man who had seen so many different iterations of it ought not to have solidly identified one. But Hob Gadling was not an ordinary man, and his eye for detail may have found trouble for him in the past, but in this instance it proved a boon.

He faced down the Endless with a quiet smug smile.

“Well? What do you think?”

Dream’s gaze cast about the pub - an almost perfect recreation of their first meeting many hundreds of years prior. There were one or two bricks out of place, true, but the building still stood. Perhaps that serving girl’s bosom was not quite so generous in life, but in Hob’s mind, it suited her. And currently Hob imagined himself in faded jeans and an aged leather jacket, quite out of place in a smoky tavern somewhere in the Middle Ages of England.

“I have seen worse attempts at easier things,” Dream provided, but Hob knew better than anyone to watch for the quirk at the corner of his mouth… and there it was. Faint amusement. As much as he would deign to show to a mere mortal. Did Hob even qualify as that anymore, he wondered?

He chased the thought off and gestured to a free table in the middle. It was not the large one that he and his fellows had sat at when Hob had sealed his deal with Dream, but rather a smaller one with only two seats; more akin to the others they had taken in subsequent meetings.

Dream sat, sweeping his long black coat out behind him with an inhuman grace.

“Drink?” Hob asked.

Dream shook his head. “Not on the job, no.”

“A joke!” Hob grinned, “Are you sure you’re feeling alright? Didn’t think you had it in you.”

“I am glad I can still surprise you,” Dream responded, “But… you wanted to speak with me.”

It was a statement, not a question, like another might have delivered it. Hob had noticed that Dream did often did that.

25 notes - Posted December 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

okay this dynamic but Dreamling? anybody?

64 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[katherynshoward]

𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐞; { 𝐝.𝐦. 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 }

SYNOPSIS; you catch draco eyeing pansy parkinson at a party despite him insisting he has no eyes for her. no one likes a liar. all characters are aged up to 20 in their 6th year and it’s the early 2000s. i repeat, there are NO underage characters in this. hogwarts functions as a college.

RESTRICTIONS; 18+ only. i don’t consent to minors viewing this content.

WORD COUNT; 4.9k

WARNINGS; smut, edging, bondage, name-calling, degradation, blow jobs, hand jobs, rough sex, size kink, sex toys, alcohol, drugs

The night was growing old, but yours was far from over. Three drinks down and another in your grasp, you could feel the effects of intoxication overwhelming you by now. You were never much of a drinker, but this was a Slytherin party. It would be considered nearly an insult to not finish what was supplied. And as much as it was a Slytherin gathering, it was also your birthday celebration. Of course, the birthday girl was expected to indulge in the night more than anyone. You felt special as this event was already contesting with one of the better Gryffindor House parties of the year.

You hadn’t expected your boyfriend to make an appearance this evening. He thought himself above parties as his arrogance would lead him to believe. Yet when Draco emerged from the men’s dormitories so late into the festivities, Theodore Nott could be heard howling his excitement and rooting Draco on. The young man quickly thrusted a drink into Draco’s hand and began urging him to ‘loosen up’ over several other hoarse voices that were worn out from yelling over the music. You turned away and smiled to yourself, taking another sip from your goblet.

The commotion over Draco’s appearance would draw more attention to him than he cared to receive. If he was truly here to enjoy himself, it was unlikely he would ever partake again after the spectacle Theo put on. 

But by Draco’s protest you could faintly hear, it became obvious Draco did not come to celebrate. He was irate. A soft tap on your shoulder a moment later alerted you and you spun back around.

“Break this up. It’s four in the morning.” He said.

“Don’t be a party pooper.” You frowned. “I see you have a drink. I think Nott was on the right idea.”

“I’m tired. Silencing charms aren’t working.”

“One drink and I’ll break it up. For me? You may even thank me later.” You winked and Draco subtly rolled his eyes.

Pushing his free hand into his pocket, he began drinking away at his beverage and walked away. You sniggered to yourself, bemused by your own wit. You were the only person in the world Draco would yield to at this point and it felt vigorous. Knowing you had the solidity to command Draco by sex appeal alone. He could hardly resist how tempting you were and obeyed without resistance.

You knew you would marry him one day.

It could have been predictable Draco was a lightweight and Nott gave him a particularly strong drink. Theo himself was a heavy partier and could take as many drinks as a 7 foot three hundred and fifty pound man and still feel fine enough to play beer pong efficiently. Draco was never the type to drink or engage in any kind of activity involving impairment. He seemed to think it stunted his magic. Something he wasn’t keen on for reasons you couldn’t identify. But after thirty minutes had passed, Draco was visibly impaired. He was trying to conceal it which only made it more obvious.

You purposely hid yourself away when he came looking for you, having held up his half of the deal. You giggled with another Slytherin girl, watching as Draco was clearly looking for you without much success. Yet when his eyes fell onto Pansy Parkinson, his gaze seemed to act a little too familiar with her. His eyes rested on her backside, lingering far too long to be an accident. You shot a look of malice to the girl beside you. She looked at you and shrugged her shoulders.

When you looked back at Draco, he was now observing his surroundings to make sure no one saw that. He was still aware enough to be mindful of consequences. It occurred to you then that he wasn’t that drunk. That excuse wouldn’t hold to defend his wandering eyes.

You’d have to remind him that his eyes were meant only for you.

Walking towards him, his eyes widened a bit as though you startled him. But he quickly relaxed again.

“I was looking for you.” He held the goblet upside down, showing there was nothing left in it.

“How do I know you didn’t just dump it?” You said.

He huffed out a vexed sigh.

“Maybe you should have been watching me if that was a concern.”

“I was watching you. I saw everything.” You smirked and quickly flicked your eyes towards Pansy.

Draco began massaging the bridge of his nose in a visually exasperated gesture. How he would dig himself out of this one, he seemed unsure. You crossed your arms over your chest and smiled.

“Fine. I’ll just deal with it.” He grimaced and nearly began walking away.

“Excuse me. You think I’d let you off the hook that easily?” You half chuckled. “I catch you burning holes into Pansy’s arse with your eyes and you think you can just go about your night?”

“I’m sorry, darling. Truly, I feel a bit fuzzy.” He shrugged one shoulder. “I mean, honestly. You know how I feel towards Parkinson. That was highly uncharacteristic of me. I do only have eyes for you.”

“Prove it.” You challenged him.

“What do you want?” He sounded skeptical.

“Hm, it depends. Whatever might satisfy me.”

As you said this, you wrapped his tie around your hand and pulled him closer to you. Your lips met with his. He did taste like alcohol. You knew he wasn’t a cheater, you just wanted to give him a hard time. He was the most fun to peeve of anyone as he always took everything so seriously.

Maybe if he made it less fun, he wouldn’t always be at the butt end of every joke.

You used your tongue to part his lips and leaned in closer to him, pressing your chest into his as you stood on the tips of your toes to better level yourself with him. He was still taller, but Draco leaned down into you to deepen the surprisingly erotic moment. Which was also unlike him. A benefit of the drink.

He pressed one hand gently against the nape of your back, traveling lower until his hand would rest directly over the curve where your back met your ass. He pulled you closer into him with the same hand and returned your kiss tenfold. Your pussy began throbbing already, taking you a little off guard. Draco never kissed you in such a venereal way to elicit this kind of response from your body. Maybe you would encourage him to drink a little more. He was more relaxed. Even the devil’s lettuce could do him some favors.

Draco typically preferred to keep this intimacy between the two of you. But now, the heat of his breath and the way he pressed his pelvis into you signaled that for once, he was a bit looser. You loved every moment of it. Of course, he still pulled away from you first with dazed eyes.

“You can show me your proof in the dormitory. If I broke up this party now, we wouldn’t have our privacy. Would we?” You stared up at him with big eyes.

Draco swallowed hard and modestly nodded, setting the goblet down on a table beside him.

You signaled for him to follow you by gesturing your head forward. When you took a left up the stairs, you made sure to sway your hips more than usual with each step. Halfway up the set of stairs, you glanced back to see if his attention was fixated where you intended. Just as you hoped, his watchful gaze was lingering on the curvature of your hips and bottom. He looked up at you. You bent forward a little to expose more of your panties beneath your skirt and continued up the stairs.

“Like the view?” You joked, giggling a little.

Though you couldn’t see him, your mind’s eye already pictured Draco shaking his head to himself.

You reached the room you shared with a few other girls first and pulled him inside by his collar, slamming the door behind him by shoving him into the door with such force, the foundation shook. You pressed yourself into him and sunk into his lips with ardent force. Draco forcibly grabbed onto your buttocks, squeezing hard. You pushed his hands away and planted a firm smack on his cheek that cause his hair to fall over his face. It actually looked better that way. 

A soft breathy chuckle escaped your lips and Draco quickly grabbed hold of your wrists, making you spin around so that your back was now pressed against him. He pushed you onto the nearest bed and mounted you, grinding himself against you. You could feel him growing harder with each passing moment.

“Watch it, Malfoy. You’re biting off more than you can chew.” You warned him, already having an idea of how this wanted to go.

He began undressing himself quickly, getting rid of his button up shirt and tie first. You could hear him fumbling with his buckle now.

“Try me.” He sounded almost angry, but in a lustful way.

As he always did, he placed two fingers into your mouth to pull your head back while he unzipped his trousers. But this time, you bit down. He hissed and pulled away. You promptly kicked him away while he was distracted and reached for your wand in your waistband.

“Accio!” A chair came hurling towards you.

With another flick of your wand, you pushed Draco into the chair and acted quickly to bind his hands behind him with a temporary binding hex.

“What exactly are you doing here?” He sounded annoyed again and you laughed.

“What satisfies me.”

You shrugged and got up. Getting on your knees in front of him, you took his belt off for him and teasingly snapped it in front of him. You got back up and tied his hands behind the chair, careful to not cut off any circulation. But to be certain it would be difficult for him to escape, you placed a sticky charm on the belt.

“Too tight?” You asked, peeking your head over his shoulder.

Much to your surprise, he chuckled and shook his head.

“I didn’t know you were into bondage.” He observed. “You know your knots. It’s not too tight.”

“Maybe next time, I’ll let you tie me up. But I think you deserve this.”

You circled back around in front of him.

“Now, your punishment. You can’t touch me. Or yourself.”

“That’s it?” He asked.

“Oh, love. I’m not going to make this easy. Not even a little.”

His eyes narrowed on you and you returned the same look. You used your wand again to lock the door behind him and began circling around him. First, you traced your fingertips along his clavicle. He felt hot from the alcohol around his neck. His head followed you, looking around to the other side when you emerged from behind him. Casually, you ran your hand over his hair before grabbing a fistful and snapping his head back to expose his adam’s apple. You placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

“Safe word is baboons.” You whispered against him.

“That bad?” He asked with a smile. “I might act out again.”

Again, you placed another firm smack on his other cheek. He was aroused by this as you noted his pants move a little.

“Don’t be a pig. If you want something, you don’t resort to childish antics. You take them like a man.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He snarled back when you brought his head forward and let go of his hair roughly.

You walked away and positioned yourself in front of the bed. Still turned away from him, you began to strip off your skirt first. He loved your ass the most. The creaking of the chair told you he was either shifting uncomfortably or already attempting to work himself out of his restraints. You made sure to struggle with getting the skirt past the girth of your thick bottom, bending over slightly to make it appear even bigger. Draco sighed at the sight of your panties finally peaking through. A designer pair he bought you as part of an early birthday gift a week ago. Again, the chair creaked. Your skirt finally hit the floor.

You took no time to remove your top, already braless. Turning around to face him, he immediately looked at your breasts

“You weren’t wearing a bra?” Draco quickly observed.

“What? You must hate the idea of other men looking at my hard nipples. Don’t you? Maybe I wanted them to stare. It’s my birthday, after all.”

You shrugged and sat on the bed, which made your thighs appear wider. Relaxing onto your elbows, you kept your eyes on Draco who remained just as fixated on your figure.

“They know better.” Draco said, referring to the men of his house having a certain moral code. Specifically when it came to significant others and staring.

“You didn’t.” You retorted, a little pleased with your quick response that would have angered him. It’s not like he could do anything now.

You lifted your legs up to gently pulled off your panties and wiggled them up your legs, removing them from your ankles. Now your slit was exposed to Draco. Teasingly, you opened your legs before quickly shutting them again with a laugh of mockery. He angled himself down slightly, almost as if to get a better look.

“I can tell you want to touch me already and I’ve barely started.” You swung your panties around your pointer finger before slingshotting it at Draco. “This is gonna be fun.”

“You have no idea.” He said.

You propped your heels up on the bed while keeping balance on your elbows to make sure he was still watching you. But it seemed as though he couldn’t look away even if he wanted to. With your legs now spread open, you used one hand to trail gently down your navel to meet with your nether lips. Draco squirmed again, this time flexing his arms. He was maneuvering an attempt to escape. But the sticky charm he was unaware of would make that process much more difficult. Slowly, you began massaging yourself where your clit would be while he watched. His pants appeared to subtly move again.

Draco groaned out.

“Are you already about to cum in your trousers?” You giggled out.

“My pants are killing me. It’s — I’m hard.”

“Obviously. Maybe you shouldn’t wear such tight pants all the time. Although I do like how it accentuates your bulge.”

“What? People can see that?”

You tossed your head back and laughed. Getting up from the bed, you quickly moved onto his lap to straddle him. The heat between your legs caused him to tense even more. Draco tossed his head back and gently groaned again, already physically quelled by the influence of your tempting body. He was going to be easy to break. Only to you.

Your slit met with the outline of his erection. You began grinding against it and Draco’s breathing sped up, growing deeper with each breath. He was now squeezing his eyes shut, attempting to calm his arousal. It would be embarrassing to cum now.

“Are you alright, love? If you say pretty please, I might be kind and let you out of these painful restraints.”

Draco nodded, his eyes still shut tight.

“Please, for the love of god. I’m fucking dying.”

You got back up off his lap and spread his legs apart sensually, running your hands up and down his thighs. This elicited another involuntary response from his body. Close up, you could see his v line flex with the straining of his abdomen. It was arousing you now. The heaving of his chest and the outline of his neck tightening. Observing how his body naturally responded to you without sex was extremely lubricious. Inciting sexual desire in you. Your nipples were now painfully hard in a satisfying way.

You finished unzipping and unbuttoning his pants, slowly pulling him out of his boxers. It was true, he was completely solid. He was enjoying this even more than you were. The thought started to make you wet.

“Wow, you’re kind of a whore.” You smiled up at him, resting your hand around the base of his cock. “You love being tied up and helpless, don’t you?”

“You better hope you tied this belt tight enough.” He warned.

“Or what?” You teased, licking up his shaft. His arms moved again to release himself.

Draco snapped his head back up now to look directly down on you.

“I will fuck the absolute shit out of you.” He pressed through gritted teeth.

“I’d like to see you try.” You smiled up at him and winked, starting to squeeze the base of his cock as you moved up and down with your hand.

Using your other hand, you began massaging deeply into his pelvis while jerking him off. You used a little spit to lubricate him which only seemed to deepen his arousal. You began speeding up in slow increments, using your hand to stimulate the area beneath the head of his cock every time you moved up. He leaned back into the chair once again, somewhat straightening out his body. Again, he was attempting to get out.

Now moving fast, you focused your attention closer to his head. Every time you felt him contract in your hand, you’d let go. This frustrated him visibly.

“Fuck you.” He mumbled out a few times.

With this, you began using your mouth to stimulate the base of his cock while still jerking his head. Draco moved up in a sharp movement that told you he was now close. When you felt that familiar pulsating sensation, you immediately pulled away and walked off.

“You fucking bitch.” He breathed out heavily.

“You love me.” You cooed out while looking through your panty drawer.

“And you’re so god damn lucky I do.”

“Ah, here it is. I think I’ll go first. And then you. I’m not done with you” You pulled out a vibrating toy.

It was a simple muggle toy and relatively small, but it was effective. Of course, there were many magical toys, but you somehow preferred these ones. With five different settings based on speed and frequency, you really couldn’t go wrong with these little guys. They were simplistic and nearly comforting.

You positioned yourself back on the bed the same way you had before, certain Draco could see everything. You switched on the middle vibrational setting and moved it gently against your clit. Immediately, you gasped out before relaxing into it. It was slightly cold due to the make of it, but your warmth would immediately change that and it would become comfortable.

This time, you didn’t care to watch Draco. You were far more invested in pleasing yourself now. Making yourself cum while leaving him high and dry would be the sweetest punishment. Laying your head back onto the bed and closing your eyes, you began using your other hand to insert two fingers inside of you and stimulate your g spot by curling your fingers up while the vibration of your toy continued to hum against your clit.

You heard something, although you figured it was merely Draco once again enjoying himself too much. That was fine. If he could cum without being touched, it wasn’t as though you could prevent that. You squirmed beneath your toy, feeling heat rising in your core.

Time passed, although you weren’t sure how much. But you could now see the horizon turning a deep blue color and morning was almost upon you. And with each passing moment, you felt yourself getting closer. Your abdomen tightened and small little shocks throughout your body indicated you were now closer than ever. Easing into your climax, you cried out with ecstasy. And even though the quivers of your orgasm pulsing through your body were intense, they weren’t enough to satisfy you the way Draco’s cock did.

You wondered if he was worth quenching that thirst right now. But remembering how he could slide into you as though you were made for him, there was no second guessing. You needed him inside of you.

Slowly, you got back up and looked at Draco who was still hard, his large cock resting against his abdomen. It twitched slightly when you looked at him and your lips pulled up into half of a grin.

“Shall I go again or is it your turn?”

“I quite enjoyed the show.” Draco said.

You began walking back towards him and tossed the vibrator into the air a few times, catching it each time it fell back down. When you knelt in front of Draco again, he visibly tensed.

“I think we should try the strongest setting. What do you think?” You asked him while holding up the toy for him to see.

“I guess that would depend on what you already believe I deserve.” He let out a breathy chuckle. “I would think you’ve already made up your mind.”

“You know me so well.”

Switching the setting up to the highest vibrational speed with a fast frequency, you didn’t hesitant to trace the vibrator up his shaft and tease it around his tip. This was exactly the response you had been yearning for. Draco nearly cried out which was an accomplishment in and of itself. While his body leaned away from it, his pelvis gravitated into the touch of the vibrator. His body was communicating all green lights and his words didn’t protest.

He fucking loved it.

All you could think of now was having him inside of you. Watching him break beneath the weight of his carnal lust was so painfully arousing, you could feel your wetness traveling down your thigh. It was becoming more torture for you to refrain from having him. His legs were tensing so hard, the muscle in them was now clearly visible. He was practically shaking now.

This was all for you. Not Pansy. Not anybody. He was yours.

You angled the vibrator against his shaft and began sucking on just the tip of his cock. Again, a few subtle whimpers escaped his lips as he was attempting to control himself. You swirled your tongue around this part of him, focusing again on the area just beneath the tip where it met with the rest of his cock. He was absolutely reeling with the intoxication of you.

And just as you had hoped, you finally felt his hand close around your neck. He had worked himself out.

Knowing what was to come, you let go of the vibrator. Not a moment of hesitation and Draco had one hand wrapped around your neck and the other, tangled roughly in your hair. He began fucking your face, forcing you to gag on him as you took his full length down your throat. You wondered if this is where he would decidedly cum. Mentally, you’d prepare yourself for the warm liquid that always caught you a bit off guard.

You braced yourself on his legs, feeling him invest a lot of strength into using your mouth. He was raging with lust and that was just how you wanted him. It was difficult to get him this way, but when he was, it was all you ever wanted.

He pulled you off of his cock by your hair and smacked your face more gently than the treatment you recently subjected him to. But he knew you loved being treated this way. It just took effort to be able to get him to act upon it. 

He lifted you to your feet and quickly picked you up, throwing you onto the bed. It took you a moment to gather yourself, the impact startling you. But when you did, you were feeling pain from your arousal. You needed him to fuck you. And it seemed that was what he was readying to do.

“I already warned you I would fuck you silly if I got out. So now we can see who the whore is.”

Lifting you back up, he forced you into a straddling position against him as he held you up by your ass. He didn’t hesitate to start slamming his erect cock into your pussy that was already dripping wet. Your preparation had made this part simple. It felt as though you were already gaping, ready to receive him. And just as promised, he fucked you mercilessly.

You cried his name out loudly, assuring anyone in close proximity would know Draco was pounding into you. The clapping of your thighs against him also presented loud enough to issue a noise complaint.

Holding onto him to keep yourself supported up, you bit into his shoulder to stifle your cries that only grew louder. The way he felt inside you was perfect. Your pussy fit over his cock like a glove and the slight curve of him made it so he scraped frequently against the nerve endings of your g-spot. It wouldn’t take long to make you see stars this way.

The way his strength was able to hold the full weight of your body while simultaneously fucking you meant you were now his to do with as he pleased. You were completely at his disposal. He was much stronger, taller and more agile. The only advantage you had over him previously was having him tied up. And he even managed to undo those difficult binds.

Again, he pulled you off of him and set you back down on the bed. Quickly, he removed the rest of his trousers and climbed on top of your trembling body. He placed an endearing kiss on your forehead and wiped tears away on both of your cheeks. You often cried with overstimulation and now was a perfect example.

“Now, I’m going to fill you up and I don’t ever want to hear you doubt my devotion to you ever again.” He spoke gently, seeming to mock what was to come.

“No woman in this world can hold a candle to the riches of your sweet cunt.”

“Then take it.” You taunted him through a few shallow breaths.

He flipped you over onto your stomach and angled you so that your ass was now in the air. You could hear him pump himself a few times before thrusting his cock back inside of you. Gasping out, you grabbed hold of the bed sheets and took all of him into you.

Draco loved this position because he could feel you deeper. On the seldom occasion he would cum inside of you, he preferred to be as deep as possible. Sometimes, due to his length, he would go a little too far. But he had more recently acquainted himself with a healthy medium he was able to maintain. You also felt more of every inch in this position. And because of leverage, he could move much faster and harder. This was perfect for the times either of you wanted rough sex as simple as it was.

Each thrust was mind numbingly pleasurable. Draco eventually placed his hand over your head to keep you against the mattress. The precise angle felt better for both of you. But the idea that he only did this for his own pleasure made you wetter. It was the idea of your only purpose here being to please him. You loved it.

Your core tightened when you felt that familiar sensation that indicated Draco was ready to cum. His hips tensed and jerked more upwards while his cock would start pulsating. And when you felt his warm liquid fill you up, you nearly cried with elation. It was your favorite place for him to cum. You had been on birth control for awhile and never risked pregnancy, but the thought of him claiming you in such an intimate way made you happier than words could say. You sighed out when he pulled out of you, quickly followed by his cum dripping from your cunt. Quietly, you let your body collapse onto the bed. It was a good thing this was your bed. Your roommates may not have taken kindly to all the body fluid on their sheets.

Draco laid himself down behind you and hugged you close to him, burying his nose into your shoulder. You began caressing his soft cheek with your knuckles.

“I love you. I love only you.” He whispered.

His arm moved up between your breasts so that his hand could cradle your chin. Despite his callouses, he had the most gentle touch you had ever known.

“I just hope you’re prepared to be my wife once we graduate.”

With large eyes, you gazed back onto him with a soft smile.

A loud knock on the door alerted both of you.

“Draco, lad! We know you’re in there fuckin’ the lovely birthday gal, but there’s been a bit of an accident, mate!” Theo’s voice sounded through the door. “I think someone stopped up all the toilets and it’s leaking from the pipes when anyone tries to flush!”

“It’s your fault, you prick.” Blaise could now be heard talking to Theo.

“Shut it, bell end.” Theo whispered back. “I’d really appreciate if ya could help me out, friend!”

“You better go handle that.” You joked at Draco as he rolled his eyes.

Draco started getting up and fetched his clothes with sophisticated poise.

“I don’t suppose this is over?” He asked you while pulling his boxers and trousers back on.

You shook your head with a coy grin.