#*this isn’t about no one in particular it’s just an observation based off of almost a decade of being in these things

[gunkbaby]

I do wonder how much of the mischaracterisation rampant in a lot of manga/manhua fandoms is related to a western perspective

[randombush3]

(extremely talented, creative) stalker

alexia putellas x reader

based on this and a poem from when i was little. i chose alexia because she fit the character more and i rushed this immensely because i was being pestered for attention by multiple creatures. oh and i went for something decently light-hearted bc these hozier fics have been affecting my soul and ruining my spotify daylists.

happy monday people x

p.s. not proof-read because it's lunchtime and i'm hungry (edit: i just did my proof-read now and i've realised that it was in fact not lunchtime??? it was past lunchtime and i was just zoned out!)

Alexia doesn’t care much for art. Sure, she admires the effort, the time such talent sits behind a canvas and marks something that was once blank until others begin to value it. She agrees with the masses about the beauty of quaint watercolour paintings of the coast, and she lets Mapi rave about charcoal and graphite and oils as if she understands what is so special about the varying media. 

She knows she is only here today because the art is about sports. The gallery seems almost reluctant to allow the athletes in, worried they have brought with them their football boots and cones to dribble around, but it would be bad practice to prohibit the muses from the collection. She isn’t an idiot, though, and she knows that no amount of forced reading about the artist and other sophisticated matters will slip her seamlessly into the crowd. 

There are lots of people; people she has never heard of, but make it clear they are far superior to her by the way in which their eyes politely drop to the tattoos inked onto her calloused hands. Their skin is soft, accustomed to the stems of crystal champagne flutes, and the drawings that hold so much personal meaning to the footballer are scrutinised to the point of silent… offence.  

So much for appreciators of art, she thinks to herself, counting down the minutes until it is acceptable for her to leave. 

With a huff and a vow to never – no matter how much she earns – forget where she has come from, Alexia staggers, uncomfortable in these particular heels, towards the painting she deems easiest to understand. 

It is the largest in the room: deep, crimson reds on top of familiar greens, streaks of gold falling out of a ponytail. 

Call Alexia egotistical, but anyone would be drawn to a painting of themselves. 

The artist has done a good job, she guesses, not entirely sure if there is a deeper meaning behind the grass stains on her socks or the crumpled shading of her Spain jersey. It is a little creepy that someone she does not know has captured her likeness so expertly, so practised. 

“The nose isn’t quite right,” a voice says beside her. 

Alexia turns in surprise, amused enough by the stranger’s observation to examine her painted face, eyes not drawn from how majestic her image is beginning to seem. She sees no obvious issue, and so she replies, “I think it’s fine.” 

“Just fine?” 

She is still staring at herself, now impressed by the grandeur of the painting; its size, its quality. “Well, I am unsure how someone painted me so accurately when I was never called in for a… I don’t know, a consultation? And it seems a little weird to me that my hair is loose, because I tend to slick it back so it doesn’t fall out of my ponytail, and, you know, I always have something written on my boots, but otherwise, it’s fine. I doubt anyone here has ever watched a football match, so none of this will matter to them.” 

“It doesn’t bother you that someone might pay millions for a painting that you have deemed not-quite-right?” 

The voice is somewhat too interested, and suddenly Alexia swivels around to face its owner properly, worried she has spoken her mind to a journalist. 

“Those millions go to a charity that will improve women’s sports every–” 

You are definitely not a journalist, although once, when art really wasn’t paying, you had off-handedly typed out a few articles for one of the bigger galleries. 

Alexia knows you are not a journalist because you are dressed to be in front of the cameras, not behind them. 

Your hands hang by your sides, but in a rather unnatural manner as though you are itching to do something else, and she is briefly overcome by the horror that you seem elegant enough to be a potential buyer. Has she put you off? 

“Oh,” you interrupt, “don’t be so profound. Sometimes you footballers sound like change-making machines.” 

“There is change to be made,” she responds indignantly. 

“Hence the exhibition,” you allow with a little smirk, nodding towards the rest of the room. Although the biggest of the collection, you had asked for your painting to be displayed in the corner; a filter, in a sense, to ensure no one throws money at the largest thing in the room just because they can. “It creeps you out to be painted?” 

The question is curious, but Alexia no longer feels like she has been caged in an interrogation room. 

She thinks about her answer for a moment, torn between returning to gaze at the expanse of the scene in front of her or staring at you, wondering if you count as one of the works of art on display. 

“I have never met the artist,” she explains neutrally. You laugh, and it sounds infused with champagne and nervousness. “What? It’s like having a stalker. An extremely talented, creative stalker, but someone who studies me in secret nonetheless.” 

“No, I understand. She must have researched you until the ends of the Earth.” 

“The artist is a woman?” She isn’t sure she is surprised, but she asks you anyway, wanting to anchor you to the spot. 

“Alexia, this is an exhibition for women’s sports.” Your point is valid, but you have said her name and she is far more intrigued by the way that had sounded to praise you for your intelligence. You let out an airy breath and click your tongue. “I’d even say, given by the way she has painted you from the back, that the artist fancies you.”

“It’s the squats,” she easily replies with a giggle. “Who is the artist?” 

You take a step towards her, the sharp points of your heels clacking against the concrete floor. She follows your index finger to the white plaque beside the canvas, reading the name written in small, black letters. 

“I haven’t heard of her.” 

Alexia sounds so thoughtful that you have to hide your smile behind your palm, coughing to provide an excuse for the action. 

“Because you’ve heard of quite a few artists, haven’t you?” 

“I know the main four.” 

“The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?” 

“No.” 

Again, you laugh, and it is melodious and rich and Alexia wants to hear it for the rest of her life. Which is not normal, she tells herself, because you are some loaded stranger and she is only here for another hour before she can escape back to the pitch and her teammates who like her tattoos and admire her and respect her hard work without seeing her as some tacky social-climber who scrounged an invite to an area of society where she is institutionally unwanted. 

“Picasso,” she then offers, rather petulantly, looking at you with a childish frown. In her head, she estimates the distance between your bodies, noticing how you have not returned to your original position. 

“Ah, well done. He’s quite niche.” She doesn’t appreciate the teasing, and so she steps sideways to… put a stop to it somehow. Obviously, the plan had never truly been formulated, and it comes across as a half-lunge to push you away, but then you are swinging your arms as though the conversation is boring you and she desperately wishes you’d stay put. 

“What do you think about the painting?” she fires into the shortened space between you, the question wrapping around you like a rope that ties you to the spot. 

“It’s boring.” She scoffs, because after all, it is a painting of her. “The poor artist must have been tortured by the task, having to force her eyes to stay open while watching football matches.” 

And if Alexia were not so distracted by the way your swinging hand has begun to brush against her own, she would probably catch you out there and then. 

(But your touch is electric and she is otherwise engaged.) 

“Like, come on, can’t the sports photographers just get their pictures blown up? No one needs such an outrageously huge portrait of Alexia Putellas in their home, or stadium, or whatever. I reckon the artist is now regretting the angle she painted from, anyway, in case some pervert with more money than sense bids for it and hangs it up in his bedroom.” 

“Bedroom?”

The tips of Alexia’s ears go red, a stark contrast to the expensive silver hoops she sports, and you stop your fidgeting, hand resting on top of hers – perhaps unintentionally – as her misunderstanding wedges an awkward pause into the middle of your rant. 

“Sorry,” you apologise, “that was probably not the best thing to say, considering it’s a painting of you.” 

Alexia runs through what you have said, hoping her subconscious has caught it while her mind was preoccupied with what your sexual orientation might be. “Why have you come here if you are so against the principle of it?” 

“I was required to,” you explain, through half-gritted teeth and a jaw that tenses with leftover annoyance from a conversation you had with the coordinator. 

Seizing the opportunity to get a humorous punch back, Alexia quickly fumbles out a, “someone’s important.” 

She’d celebrate her victory over you, the way you blush in embarrassment, if you hadn’t started anxiously playing with her fingers. Suddenly, the air that bridges the gap between you is set alight and Alexia stares at where you are connected. 

You hastily pull away. “Sorry,” you say for a second time. “I have to sell this, and I’m nervous.” 

“Sell wh– The painting?” 

“No, Alexia, I’ve been sent by Real Madrid to hold you hostage so I have to sell this act.” Briefly, fear washes over the footballer’s face, tanned skin paling at the idea that you have a weapon concealed in the satin folds of your dress. Then, your hand makes a decisive movement and your fingers are intertwining with hers before she can run to safety. “I thought it was best to lure you in by flirting with you.” 

“You’ve been… flirting with me?” 

“God, imagine if I actually were here to kidnap you.” You hold up your joined hands so that she can see for herself. “Is your weakness women who bully you?” 

She blushes again, unsure how to handle what you have insinuated. 

Alexia grasps onto what little dignity remains and straightens herself, shoulders rolling back as she emulates the confidence she has been painted with. “Only pretty women,” she drawls. 

She is about to use whichever line appears in her mind first, completely unashamed by it because she has guessed you would tease her no matter what leaves her mouth, but some evil, cruel person clinks a small fork against their glass, clearing their throat, and your hands quickly return to your body, your attention drawn away from the conversation. 

“Thank you all for coming,” announces the event coordinator, clearly gearing up for a speech. “There will be time for more chatting later, but I cannot resist showing off our most talented artist any longer.” 

You roll your eyes. The expression is directed at Alexia, who chuckles privately, sunshine blooming in her chest that you have spared a silent comment just for her. 

“Y/n, darling, where are you?” 

An authoritative gaze searches through the crowd and lands on you.

The dots connect, Alexia begins to feel like an idiot, and you are sashaying away before she can ask you to stay.

[qtubbo]

Some random qbagi headcanons in no particular order :]:

She likes wearing clothes that make her chest look smaller, she just likes how it looks she is anti the little underboob shadow

She wears really intense red eyeshadow, that she makes herself (and now with a bit of help from empanada and tina <3)

She likes practicing new hairstyles with Empanada every day it’s really just an excuse to be very physically affectionate and talk every morning

She’ll always stop at doorways to check if anyone’s listening regardless of where she is

She’s really muscular but it isn’t obvious due to her baggy clothes, and giant coat

She lets Empanada put any of the pretty feathers she finds into her hat, and hasn’t taken any of them out

She steals Tubbo’s nicer clothes to repurpose them for herself by sewing different stuff together or fitting it to her own size, if she can steal it, she is not buying it

She hand-makes most of the toys that Empanada has, she really does not like spending money (or leaving a record) if she doesn’t have to

She doesn’t read the instructions on anything and chooses to try and figure it out through observation and clues (its like a fun puzzle for herself)

She’s about 5’11 but is so crouched into herself with horrible posture so she looks about Pac’s height

She does kickboxing to destress, and can knock someone unconscious with relative ease

She’s almost always wearing headphones that are allways blasting music to max (she may have a few hearing issues)

She knows how to drive a motorcycle but is always terrified when riding (she wants to get that under control so she can drive tina around town all cool like)

She has a lot of ear piercings

She feels a lot safer underground and untouchable, she’s the most scared in an open place with a lot of people.

She leaves space on her wall of “family” portraits/pictures for new one with Cellbit

She has really high pain tolerance, and just fakes it because she wants to sound more normal

She’ll put random stuff in her mouth and chew on it before spitting it out once she’s realized

She writes fake notes in her notebooks so that if anyone finds them they’ll be mislead

She will not take off her favorite pair of boots and wears them everywhere outside the house, she has no other pair of shoes and she does not want anymore.

She wakes up with the biggest bed head in the world and it takes her like an hour to even remotely wake up

She grinds her teeth a lot, especially when nervous

She makes two cups of tea every night incase Bad or Tina come over (even though it makes her a bit repulsed) sometimes when she can’t stomach that she’ll just pour 2 cups of beer

She’s bisexual but hasn’t really thought about it much other than I like girls and everyone else looks hot sometimes too

Having such a big garden down in her base with practically everything you could imagine made her take up cooking, she likes trying a new recipe every night. Bagi says it may end up being a survival skill in the future but she really just wants to spoil Empanada and show off to Tina.

[kenobisgalaxy]

Don’t You Know (Obi-Wan Kenobi x Jedi!Reader)

fandom: STAR WARS

pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x Jedi!Reader

type: one shot

genre: smut

word count: 2,812

warnings: Straight up smut (with some plot), a little bit of angst (because I can’t help myself), AFAB!Reader (but no pronouns)

summary: Obi-Wan is acting strange lately. The Council doesn’t assign him on your mission with you although you usually are sent out as a team. You decide to confront the Jedi Master.

a/n: I don’t know how this happened and I’m a little bit embarrassed, but I finally managed to get around writing some heated stuff which usually really isn’t in my comfort zone. But I had to try. So this little piece of writing is purely based on the song Don’t You Know by Jaymes Young which is just an amazing hot mess. Naturally, this one shot is as heated as the song is and should hopefully send shivers down your spine. Have fun reading it, but be warned: I couldn’t help but drizzle some angst into it. As always there is quite a bit of set up so that you can settle into the setting. I like to give some basic info so that the reader can imagine the scenario better. AAH, I am so unsure about this and I really really hope it isn’t awful.

masterlist

Obi-Wan Kenobi was a flirt. He didn't do it intentionally, it was just something that was in his nature. His sarcastic and flirty way of conducting conversations was almost a staple of his character and even or rather especially his enemies weren’t left out by his straightforward way of phrasing things, except perhaps the more important Jedi in the temple, obviously including the council and for some kind of reason: you.

You had known Master Obi-Wan for a long time, you had trained together as Padawans and had been on many missions before. Especially, during the early stages of the Clone Wars you two had been an unbeatable team. Naturally, you admired the slightly older Jedi Master immensely as what he was: a capable Jedi, a distinguished light saber wielder and on top of all the best partner you could ask for on missions. Although Obi-Wan usually was quiet moody and cocky, always being able to think of a snarky remark, to you he never ceased to be his most polite self. Sometimes, in all that politeness you wondered whether he even liked you. His behaviour around you actually was quite odd, he was being too nice, always helping you up and trying to please you at every given point. He never even attempted a sarcastic remark towards you. Maybe, this was what had made you fall in love with him at first, but in times of doubt and especially when you were suffering from low self esteem again, you did wonder whether he actually liked you or whether he was just being superficially friendly in order to hide his inner contempt for you. Was he just being nice because he felt like it was his duty whilst actually being quite repulsed by you? You couldn’t be sure of it and the whole affair drove you around the bend. For a while now, you had tried to get rid of your intrusive thoughts and not think about Obi-Wan as more than a friend, but your love for him made you doubt your relationship to him even more. You felt like every step towards him was actually pushing him away from you and you observed that he was really just becoming more distant the more you yourself opened up to him and sought his attention. It wasn’t like your were showing your true feelings to him because you really didn’t, you rather just tried to spend quality time with him, but with each further attempt on your behalf he just closed himself off even more, until he became fully distant and even cold towards you.

It was another particular appointment for a Jedi Council meeting. You had been summoned to receive a new assignment and were now waiting in the ante-room when you were called. As you were entering the Council’s chamber and stepping in the middle of the round you looked around the room. Master Obi-Wan was sitting as always in his cushioned arm chair with his legs folded and arms placed on the armrests. Why did he have to look so bloody perfect all the time with his copper hair and smooth beard? That wasn’t fair. You shot a quick glance at him smiling, but he didn’t look at you. Instead he watched the ground intently as if it was some interesting new species that he had never seen before. Why wasn’t he noticing you? Usually, he always gave you at least a reassuring smile because he knew how you hated standing before all these Masters, but not this time. What had happened? What was wrong? Master Windu’s firm voice suddenly brought you back to reality and you quickly emptied your thoughts not wanting to showcase them to the Council.

“Master y/n, you will be sent on a mission to Malastare in order to check in on the fuel cargoes that have been ordered. Due to rather unfortunate diplomatic errors after the latest incidents on the planet, the Dugs are still quite suspicious of the Galactic Senate’s decisions. Please watch them carefully and ensure their loyalty.” Master Windu instructed you.

“I expect I will not be sent alone?” You asked hoping to be accompanied by your usual partner Obi-Wan.

“Actually, you will this time, we lay great trust in your expertise and besides this mission shouldn’t be of great difficulty.” Master Windu proceeded.

“I don’t want to be disrespectful, Master, but I’m not quite the diplomat myself and I usually get sent out on mission such as this together with Master Kenobi since he is the negotiator of the two of us, why not this time?” You asked trying to keep your voice as steady as possible.

“Because I will be on a mission on my own.” Obi-Wan answered drily.

“Oh okay, well then - I. Yes, so when will I be off planet?” You inquired trying to not sound too baffled.

“Tomorrow set off, you will.” Master Yoda announced.

“Well, thank you, Masters. If that is all, may I leave?”

“Sure, Master y/l/n, your Commander will wait for you with further instructions. May the force be with you.” Master Windu said.

“And with you.” You answered him turning around and leaving the Council’s chamber as quickly as possible.

What in the galaxy was wrong with him. He had been strange all week, but there was no sane rhyme or reason why he behaved so repulsive. He didn’t even look at you all the while you were standing there encircled by the Jedi Masters. Had you done something to annoy him? You couldn’t tell. Perhaps, he had noticed your affection towards him, but that couldn’t be it. You followed the code, you knew that any kind of close relationship was forbidden. Jedi weren’t supposed to have possessions such as a significant other. And it was quite clear to you that Obi-Wan valued the code even more than you. That was the reason why you hid your feelings in the first place. If you couldn’t be in a relationship with the man you loved, you could at least try to be friends with him and have him in your life as just that. But what Obi-Wan was doing was outrageous. There was no possibility that he had found out about your thoughts, so the only reasonable explanation for his behaviour was that he didn’t appreciate your companionship after all. And there they were again: the doubts that haunted you at night. It didn’t make sense, he didn’t make sense. He treated you like he treated nobody else, he was kind and sweat to you and now from one day to another he had apparently changed his mind about all that, about your partnership and about your friendship. Couldn’t he just at least be his cocky self in front of you?

All these thoughts rushed through your head as you were strolling to your quarters. As you were approaching the sliding door it struck you. Kriff. You would never know what was up with him if you didn’t talk to him. Why not just ask him? What was the worst thing he could say? You turned and left the corridor through the way you had come. Obi-Wan’s quarters were just two corridors away from yours. You knew he wouldn’t be there because the Council meeting certainly was still running so you decided to just wait for him as you had done multiple times before. You opened the sliding door and stepped into the familiar looking room. It was the same as yours, quite empty and barren. You said down and got out your holopad to do some research on your new mission whilst waiting for Obi-Wan.

One and two hours must have past when you heard the familiar steps approaching the door. Obi-Wan was busy looking at his own holopad when he entered the room. You quickly got up smoothing your robes with your hands.

“Master Obi-Wan. I’m sorry to intrude your privacy, but I have to speak to you.” You said firmly.

“Master y/n.” He looked quite startled, but quickly seemed to be able to collect himself. “If it is something about your mission, please ask Master Windu or your Commander, I have to prepare my own one.”

“I think neither Master Windu nor my Commander will be able to help me with this. See, it is something quite personal.” You continued.

“Well, ask me another time, I’m busy.” He muttered ushering away from you.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi!” You urged, now angry. “What is possibly wrong with you?”

“Why? I- I don’t know what you mean. I’m perfectly fine.” He stuttered. You were agitated. What was he thinking of?

“No, you’re not! Has a Kwazel Maw eaten your brain? Why do you treat me like I am nothing but thin air to you? And why in the damned galaxy aren’t we assigned on the same mission as always? Tell me why you are acting so strangely.” You asked him with every word urging the Jedi Master backwards whilst poking your finger in his chest.

“I thought it would be better if we didn’t see each other for a while. I don’t think this is working.” Now it was you the one who was startled by his words. You were slowly processing his words not wanting to believe them.

“What isn’t working, Obi-Wan? We are the best team. We’re always successful and we always have a great time on our missions.”

“That’s exactly the point. We are not supposed to have a great time together. This is war. It is supposed to be nerve wracking and tedious.” He explained turning away from you.

“So this is what you want? To be miserable all the time and drown in the mental casualties of the war?”

“Precisely.” He muttered. You didn’t believe him. That was so unlike the Obi-Wan that you knew who always tried to master the situation he found himself in, no matter how difficult it was. He always came up with something witty to make the war less depressing.

“Obi-Wan.” You urged gripping his wrist firmly and turning him around. “We know both that you don’t mean that. Tell me what it really is.”

“I can’t - I. This is not what I- It will destroy us.”

“Why? What are you saying. You’re not making any sense.”

“I can’t. I- uh, blast. Screw it. Y/n, it is because of you.”

“Because of me? I don’t understand, what did I do wrong?” Now you were utterly confused, the Jedi Master in front of you had completely gone nuts, you were sure.

“Nothing, that is my point. It is just your simple existence.”

“My existence?” You shrieked. That certainly wasn’t the answer you had expected, but it was the answer you had feared. “So you do dislike me after all. I assume I should better go.”

“What? No! That wasn’t what I mean. I don’t want you to go. I need more of you in my life. Don’t you realize what you do to me? Don’t you know that I- don’t you know I want you so bad?” His raspy voice rang in your ears. You just now realized how close you were to him still gripping his wrist. His azure eyes watched you intently and you noticed a slight tingle in them. He was so close. “Every night I call for you. Don’t you know that I’m going mad? I’d do anything to love you. And I know I shouldn’t, I know that I can’t love you, it is forbidden, the code-”

“Screw the code! Nobody should be alone.” You whispered closing the gap between you  two and settling your lips on his. You felt him becoming tense, but then quickly he relaxed and leaned into your kiss wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. His soft beard was scratching your smooth skin, you loved the feeling of it, it was intoxicating. You were running your hand up into his hair tugging at his lose strands. It felt perfect, like it had always belonged there. You gasped into the kiss opening you mouth slightly and making way for his tongue. “Obi-Wan!” You moaned. “Y/n, I’d do anything to touch you!” he exclaimed letting go of you only to come back peppering kisses down your neck. “I know you were meant for me!” He mumbled against you heated skin. You felt your core already becoming wet at the sound of his words. Was this really happening? Wasn’t it one of your endless dreams? But he was there kissing you. You had never seen him like this. The always so patient and conceived Jedi Master had turned into a ravenous mess, flirty remarks had turned into heated praising and his usually smirking lips were now peppering your skin with pure need working their way to your collarbones. His strong arms were drawing you impossibly closer and one hand grabbed you by your thigh pulling it up. You felt his length stretching his pants and pressing against your sensitive area. “Please, Obi-Wan, I need you now!”

“You don’t how long I’ve waited for this.” He uttered, pushing you back towards his bed, carefully lifting you up and placing you down making sure you weren’t hurt. With one hand he pinned both your arms down over your head while he hovered above you and devoured your sight. “You look beautiful, darling! I would fight in a war for you.”

“You know you’re actually already doing that.” You chuckled.

“Not the point.” He said silencing you with another heated kiss. You arched your back pressing your hips to his. He was already so hard for you. Your were becoming impatient. He was fumbling with your belt finally being able to untie it. Tugging at your robes he managed to free your chest. His hands were coming back to your waist, lips trailing down finding your breast, tongue playing with your nipple tugging at it lightly. “Obi-Wan, please!” You moaned again. He shot up leaving your exposed chest and fumbled with his own robes quickly getting rid of his top and tossing it far away into the dim room. “Oh darling, I know all the ways to appreciate your design.” He muttered darting back to you and trailing further down to your core whilst pushing your pants out of the way. “Oh, don’t make me beg you please.” he said and then kissed you right down there, tongue playing with your clit and two fingers stroking your entrance, then plunging in deep. You saw stars and were moaning in a hot mess. “Yes, Obi-Wan, right there.” He was hitting all the sweet spots you didn’t even know existed. One hand of yours was finding its way to Obi-Wan’s hair gripping it and holding his head right there, the other one was getting hold of the bed sheets tugging at them violently when he let go of you. “Don’t tease me like this, I need to feel you, Obi-Wan, now please!” You begged.

He got back up and freed himself from this pants that had up until this moment held a big bulge in place. His cock stood tall and erect glistening with pre-cum. You wondered how he would feel inside you filling you up, satisfying you, grinding you, but you didn’t have to think about it for too long since he was already back on top of you spoiling you with kisses and placing his length on your entrance. “Do you really want this, y/n?” He asked you. “Yes, Obi-Wan, I need this. I can’t live without you.” One word of you was enough and you could feel him entering and filling you up completely. “You are so tight.” He pressed out melting into you like your bodies were made for each other. He stayed were he was adjusting his length to you, but then he started thrusting into you, first slowly and then with increasing pace. “Harder, please Obi-Wan.” He did as you instructed all the while leaving kisses on your sensitive area on your neck. “Make me cum, darling.” He breathed into your ear, both of you had turned into a hot mess, bodies clinging to each other as if this was the last time they would be together. He reached his hand down and found your clit again stroking circles around it. You could feel your legs getting shaky by the touch of him, the orgasm was slowly building in your stomach rolling like a great wave over the shore. “I can’t do this any longer!” You gasped. “Me neither.” He stuttered moving quicker. The orgasm was making your toes curl and hitting you with such a force that you couldn’t see anything but stars. He came right after you filling you with his sweat sperm and crushing down on you breathing heavily. “I love you so much, y/n.” He mused into your ear, kissing you as he was pulling out and letting himself fall down onto the bed beside you. “I love you too, Obi.” You smiled and wriggled closer to him settling in his arm, your breath starting to become at ease.

[houndfaker]

I absolutely adore your phantom thief kikuno!!! I'd love to hear more about it, anything you want to share :] (especially the persona I really love the design 👉👈)

uhm well uhm hiiii 😊 THANK U hiii i love being the talker. got a lot to say so it’ll go under da cut

being really frank a lot of it is a heavy wip but the concepts in my brain were clear enough that i wanted to start drawing for it right away. it’s very loose structurally

it’s essentially me pulling shit from the drama cds to do something ultra self indulgent.

she becomes a phantom thief kinda late in the game as my hypothetical palace concept that would get her involved with the thieves in the first place is one that has to do with the kirijo group, placing it just after haru joins the thieves on the timeline; this follows the implicit canon timeline where p5 takes place sometime after p4au. the kirijo group announces it is taking a different direction that has bad consequences and the thieves gotta Stop It (still trying to work the specifics of this out) and they initially think they’ll be happening upon a palace belonging to mitsuru.

surprise, it’s not mitsuru, its takadera (for those who might not recall, he’s the one-off antagonist character in the drama cd kikuno is introduced in, who attempted to take control of the group while mitsuru was grieving) who is back with a vengeance and has something planned that corners mitsuru into working with his demands. they don’t figure out as much until they find him in the palace since he’s not acting as a public figure at the time.

amidst their snooping, ever-observant kikuno catches sight of the thieves and tails them, which of course leads her straight into the metaverse as they get their hits on the new palace that’s sprung up.

kikuno adjusts almost immediately to the absurdity of the situation because it feels just like the dark hour, which she’d experienced nightly for 6 years of her life up until the dark hour disappeared. the metaverse comes off to her as essentially that with a few extra quirks, which isn’t accurate to anyone but herself. upon coming face to face with shadow takadera, much like many of the past thieves, his spiteful raw feelings, especially in reference to mitsuru, trigger kikuno’s awakening.

she takes it like a champ, she’s expected for a long time to eventually awaken, even if after 10 or so years going without one and getting by on her prowess alone had her convinced it might never need to happen. she slots easily into at least temporarily aiding the thieves. kikuno by now has mellowed out a reasonable amount and become more of an individual, but her loyalties haven’t changed. she’ll do anything in the name of protecting her lady, and the shadow operatives by extension.

with the bulk of the lore happenings out of the way, ill leave bullet points for the other stuff

when initially asked what arcana i would assign to kikuno if she were a social link in p3, i proposed hermit because i felt that it well-encapsulated her at the time in her life it would have played out. but for this particular au where she has grown considerably, I think justice would suit her somewhat better.

for designing pierrot i felt something reflecting her role as a personal servant but with a touch of like…jester/clown vibes would be fun, just because i feel it reflects her personality well.

reginald is of course based on reginald jeeves, the quintessential butler character originating from pg wodehouse’s early 1900s literary works. maybe not the perfect choice for a ‘rebellious’ figure, but i couldn’t glean a better fit from my searches, and as soon as i did a little reading i had a very clear image in my head for the persona design and had to go with it. i used inspo from various depictions (the bowler hat and tie in particular), as well as just what Felt Right (the bushy brows and monocle)

i have to do a lot of the work in the way of designing a palace for takadera (hell i have to design takadera in general because he was never given an actual design LOL) but my singular important thought is that there’s a cognitive mitsuru who’s still a child running around, because takadera never stopped viewing her as too immature. kikuno is very protective of her even knowing she’s personified through takaderas mind and spends much of the palace trying to keep her out of the grasp of the shadows.

pierrot is a bit of a silly goofster but with great capacity to be ruthless. this is good enrichment for her because there are a handful of moments in canon that lead me to believe she wants to commit unspeakable violence.

as a member of the thieves despite being in her 20s and the oldest member she doesn’t step out of line Too often but as with anything, if she finds that there is a more beneficial method to something than playing it safe, she’ll go off and decide to do it on her own. unfortunately when it comes to the metaverse, this isn’t always the best option so she’s probably gotten the thieves into hot water before as a result. but she promises to take more heed next time, joker-san. her sincerest apologies.

this is Most of what i have ironed out so far. id like to think more about her dynamics with the individual thieves, as that’s the fun part. thanks for showing so much interest though :]!!

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @52europa

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a locomotive shape. this means that you're a very ambitious person, with a lot of energy. mars has a big influence on you, and your life revolves around achieving your goals, developing confidence and transforming. the empty part of your life is what you have to develop, hence your self-esteem, mentalh health, financial life and also your friendships and relationships.

your dominant planets are venus, the moon and uranus. you are probably quite creative, or at least you have a passion for creative outlets; you may like music, reading, cooking, etc. you may be a trendsetter among your peers, or you may even become pretty well-known in your field. you're also a very sensitive and empathetic, and you may sometimes react too impulsively.

your dominant sign is taurus. you're a chill person, you prefer staying at home instead of going out and partying. you are quite stubborn, but that's because you're passionate about your ideas and beliefs. you prefer trying and take action, even if you risk to hurt yourself, instead of just standing still and observing. you find comfort helping others; it's a way to feel satisfied both with others and yourself, as you like proving your skills and talents.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in libra, 14° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

you're naturally likeable, you have a particular charm to you that makes everyone drool over you. you're very nice and outgoing, you always try to make others feel at ease. you're very considerate of others' feelings. you strive for fairness and justice, it's the way you approach others and the world. basically, you treat others like they treat you: if they're kind with you, you'll be very sweet. otherwise, you'll turn very sarcastic and harsh, almost cold at a certain point. you're very opinionated, you always feel the need to express your thoughts as you're very proud of them. in addition, since you always decide whether something is right or not, you may come off as a know-it-all. on the other hand, you're very sociable and you enjoy being in company, doesn't matter whether you're with your family, friends, lover etc. you may get to know many people throughout your life, but your friendships may not be much stable. you are surrounded by people, but you could feel lonely particularly often. I also need to point out that libra is ruled by venus, the planet of beauty. you're most likely very attractive and magnetic. even if not necessarily conventionally, people find themselves attracted to you. you may have sparkling doe eyes, with also full lips and a defined cupid's bow. your face is more on the longer side, perhaps you have an heart-shaped face, with high cheekbones and a pointy chin. you may also have naturally amazing, fluffy and flowing hair. your body is also very feminine, with a lot of curves and softness to it. it's very romantic, to sum up. also, your hair is probably naturally beautiful; it could be curly, or at least it's very thick and healthy-looking, even if you don't take much care of it.

libra ascendant square capricorn moon: you may have trouble understanding others’ real feelings for you. you may feel as if everyone hates you, like everyone is talking behind your back when it’s the opposite. you’re particularly sensitive about others’ view and opinion of you, you may get deeply hurt when people criticize you. you could have the tendency to act differently than you usually do, in order to preserve your feelings. this is obviously a toxic behaviour, that fills you up with your own stress and doubles it. due to that, you may become very moody and nervous, ending up hurting others yourself. or maybe, it’s the other way around; your feelings are so overwhelming that you can’t hide them, and that could put you in embarrassing, unpleasant situations. you may show all of your emotions on your face, ready to be read. the way to cope with this placement is finding someone similiar to you; someone who’s trust-worthy, and very sensitive and empathetic too. someone who’d never judge you for you think or say, and that would always help you becoming the best version of yourself. someone that understands you, without having to explain all of your behaviours and habits.

libra ascendant opposite aries mercury: you appear as a very intelligent individual, and people may even feel intimidated by that. you love interacting with others; even if you're not much talkative, you like hearing about others' theories and opinions. you could also do that by reading blogs, books etc. you may sometimes find yourself in conflict with others, as you’re very opinionated and hate it when others’ opinions are baseless. pretty much, you could seem like a know-it-all. on the other hand, you have a nice sense of humor, you're able to light up the room with your words, even though this quality of yours may be overshadowed by introversion at first. it's hard to find a way to make you come off as more gentle, as you have some of the most straightforward and blunt signs in your chart. you could take advantage of your astute words and sense of humor to get you out of trouble, though! just be careful not to claim that everything hurtful you say is a joke. it's something that aries placements do a lot.

libra ascendant opposite aries venus: this aspect makes you more sociable and prone to interact with people. you’re also most probably very attractive, people are naturally drawn to you. the downside of this placement is that you may suffer from self-esteem issues, as you really care about others’ impression of you. maybe you’re a little bit clumsy too. it’s easy for you to gain popularity, but be careful as it’s not always good. popularity brings scandals too, so people you see in your everyday life could possibly start gossips around you. the good thing about this aspect is that you emanate loyalty, so you usually choose loyal and trust-worthy partners. this placement may also bring issues and problems in marriage with your future partner, even though I don’t think it’s your case. your venus is well-placed, so I don’t think there’ll be serious problems.

🌞 sun in taurus, 4° / 1st decan ruled by venus

you value stability in both romance and in your day-to-day life, like at work. you take care of your body and style in any sort of way, as your venus dominance confirms. I imagine that you're not very extroverted, you prefer staying in, but I repeat that you still probably have nice social skills. or at least, they're your secret skills. you like keeping your mind active everyday, especially by following your passions. if you’re the logical type, you might enjoy playing sudoku or things like that. on the other hand, if you’re more phylosophical you might enjoy reading, writing etc. you have a great sense of duty, that makes you want to excel in whatever you do. in addition to this, you’re also very stubborn. you probably get in arguments with others because you don’t accept their advices/criticism and prefer going your own way. you may also tend to overindulge a bit, and become a bit lazy. you're also very attached to food, but you still keep a healthy diet. you enjoy the finer things in life, but might struggle with jealousy because of that. you have the tendency to look at other people’s achievements and get disappointed about yours.

taurus sun conjunct taurus jupiter: this placement makes you very easy-going and kind-hearted. you have a warm personality. I imagine that, once you get to know people, you become very outgoing. you always try to make people feel comfortable and, matched with your venus energy, this placement makes you particularly considerate of others. you have a knack for religion, spirituality and just knowledge in general. you have strong beliefs, and you're most probably very open-minded as well. the negative side of this mostly-beneficial placement is that you may be subconsciously too confident in yourself, resulting arrogant or selfish. it's alright to praise yourself of course, but you may start to look down on people who don't share your same interests, opinions etc. you can't repress this side of yourself of course, but try not to show it with people around you if it causes you problems.

🌙 moon in capricorn, 11° / 2nd decan ruled by saturn and venus

in your group of friends, you’re probably the responsible friend, as you’re very reliable and mature, almost serious. you always want to be seen as a point of reference, yet you tend to shy away from the spotlight. even though you may desire it, you feel too shy and pressured being in the centre of attention. you don’t like talking about your feelings; even if you do talk a lot, you prefer talking about news, hobbies etc. you don’t want to be the subject of the conversation. because of this, you tend to repress your emotions, as you don’t want to be seen as vulnerable. you’re a nice listener, your friends can rely on you when they need to vent without wanting an advice, as you’re probably not the best at finding a solution to their problems. you may find yourself wanting to follow a schedule, otherwise you feel as if you’re too relaxed and you’re not being productive. this is also a placement that can indicate coldness in your family environment / childhood. maybe your parents were quite strict, but overall it was nothing too serious that hurt you deeply.

capricorn moon square aries mercury: your thoughts and feelings are constantly in contrast with each other. your aries mercury desires adventure and social interactions, your capricorn moon wants intimacy and privacy. this results in indecisiveness, you change your mind pretty often, and that can cause you conflicts due to communication problems. you're also pretty opinionated, you don't hide your feelings when you act by impulse, even though you may feel guilty about it: you are very sensitive, you want to treat people well, but you could be impulsive or sarcastic and hurt people. at least, the positive side of this placement is that you're probably very intellectual, capable of taking in consideration both the subjective and objective side of an argument.

🗣 mercury in aries, 19° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun

you are a fast-thinker, even though that doesn't mean you always take the right choices. in fact, you can change your mind very often. you probably have a beautiful, melodic voice, even though it's likely very loud. you also speak as fast as you think, making it hard sometimes to keep up with you in a speech. you could also switch from a topic to another casually. you don't really enjoy thinking about the past nor the future, you only care about the present and you live it they way you feel; hence, you're not really the type to care about learning from your mistakes. you always see the positive side of them, which can be both good and bad actually. that's because you're quite stubborn, it's hard to make you change your mind. you're very straight-forward, and that could lead you to conflicts as you don't understand the impact your words have on others.

aries venus conjunct aries mercury: this placement confirms your struggles to open yourself to the world. you’re insecure that your thoughts and ideas may be judged negatively by others, hence you just bottle them up with your feelings. this aspect is mostly positive, though! you’re probably a good singer, or at least you have a very calm tone of voice that is pleasant to hear. you’re able to see both sides of an argument, hence you may be good at helping people making up. you could actually be suited for psychology! you may also earn money through your voice and thoughts, so you could be a writer, a journalist, an actress, a singer etc. this placement assures that you may be sociable, or at least that you have great social skills.

❤️ venus in aries, 22° / 3rd decan ruled by mars and jupiter

with venus in aries, loving you is an adventure. you enjoy fun, exciting relationships. you're the type who's looking for a risktaker, even dangerous partner. you hate boredom, and this may be your weakness regarding this placement; that is, once the relationship starts getting more serious, you feel as if it's going down, when it's actually the opposite. hence, you just run towards a new adventure. this placement may even give you the reputation of being a player. you have to understand that relationships can get boring, but that's not necessarily a red flag. it just means you two are starting to feel comfortable together. you also enjoy physical contact, therefore cold partners are a no no for you. you need someone who's affectionate yet bold, and that would spoil you with attention and gifts. you enjoy the little things about love, such as remembering your anniversary or even giving you small presents, especially if they're homemade (like breakfast, poems etc.). you also try to avoid flaky people, as you don't like making relationships seem too light.

☄️ mars in taurus, 23° / 1st decan ruled by venus and saturn

with taurus mars, you may despise working too much. you love challenging your mind, but you're kind of lazy. you'd rather stimulate yourself through your hobbies and interests rather than using school / work, which are quite stressful for you. you need to find something material and concrete to motivate you and make you assertive. you could study just because you need a good grade, or maybe work just to get paid. you don't really do it with interest, as you care more about nurturing your passions than responsibilities. you're not really into conflicts; you'd rather be peaceful with everyone, as you find it a waste of time to argue with someone. most taurus mars tend to be quite passive, yet I don't think it's your case. I imagine that with your heavy aries energy, you've got a hot temper. you may try to avoid conflicts, but once someone gets on your nerves it's over for them. you're very unpredictable from this point of view, it's hard to decipher you. you may be more verbally aggressive than physically, though.

taurus mars conjunct taurus jupiter: you are driven by a strong sense of justice that makes you want to discover the truth. you hate lies of any kind, you want sincerity from those around you and you're the first to be constantly honest. you value your freedom a lot, your life motto is most likely 'live and let live'. you think everyone should live their lives by their own standards, without feeling afraid of being judged or criticized. you're a very pure and genuine person, you hardly ever judge a book by its cover, and you're also extremely open-minded. you're thirsty for knowledge of any kind, you're always up to learn something new. you may also be interested in foreign languages and cultures, as well as philosophy, literature... anything that can teach you something new about the world. you may be quite impulsive, and when you get angry you tend to be very blunt. you may say things that hurt others, as you're brutally honest, even though that wasn't your intention. you may also appear as flaky, since you don't like feeling tied to something or someone. you could often change your favourite colour, food, singer... you despise boredom, and your need for freshness may also manifest in your relationships.

taurus mars conjunct taurus saturn: you can get scary when you want, especially with your jupiter also touching mars. you're a serious competitor, as your mind is very strategic. your ambition makes you want to be the best wherever you are, and you may actually overwork yourself to achieve your goals. establishing your status is important for you. you may not be the type to act instantly, you prefer taking your time to follow a plan. in fact, you probably write down what you have to do in an agenda, or even in your phone's notes app. you have this strong sense of duty, as you feel 100% responsible of your fate. you're sure that, if you don't work hard, you don't deserve success and recognition. in fact, you don't take orders from others, you are your own boss. you could have materialistic tendencies, as wealth is what motivates you the most to work or just take action in general.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in libra. you have a peaceful approach to the world; you most likely don’t like conflicts, you prefer avoiding them, even though you may have some troubles with that due to your impulsive and fiery aries energy. you probably care a lot about your appearance, and because of that you could get insecure from time to time. usually, people with libra in their 1st house look for themselves in others, as their chart is basically upside down. yet, since you aries placements as well you don’t depend on others as much as other libra risings. you’re still a free-spirit, you’re able to stand up and you come off as more fierce than the typical libra ascendant. physically, you may also have stronger features: you could have a strong jawline, a wide forehead, a distinctive nose and thinner lips than other libras.

your 2nd house is in scorpio. this placement can make you seem a bit selfish. in fact, you’re extremely possessive of your possessions, you don’t want to share them with others. there’s a lot of karma around your finances. in fact, if you’re too stingy, it may bite your butt. you need to give in order to receive, so I’d suggest you to share your things more with others. you could share a meal with a friend, for example. you’ll surely get something positive back from it. your finances may not be stable either; they are in constant change, and while this placement can make you earn quite a great amount of money, it can also make you lose everything you have. no inbetweens. the 2nd house is also about self-esteem, your relationship with your appearance. you have contrasting feelings about it; some days, you’re very confident. other days, you hate yourself. you may find flaws in every single picture you take or every pants you try on. it’s a very intense placement, as you may often feel as if you need to change your appearance in order to love yourself. based on other placements in your chart, it could manifest in spending money in a new wardrobe for example, as you feel like changing your style would help you boost your self-confidence.

your 3rd house is in sagittarius, with also your pluto and the moon placed there. this is an amazing placement for a writer! you’re extremely open-minded and philosophical. you’d probably do great at poetry or just literature in general. you’re thirsty for knowledge, you aspire to learn everything you can, you enjoy being smart and educated. you most likely lo be comedy, and you have an amazing sense of humor yourself, you’re able to light up the room and make everyone burst into laughter even if you don’t mean to. you’re also very intelligent, you’re able to memorize things fast and you’re also a fast-learner. you may be less into gossips than other libra/taurus placements, as you’re very benevolent and considerate of others’ feelings. in addition, you’re able to see the good in everyone, there’s no reason for you to talk behind someone’s back. actually, it’s the opposite. you’re quite impulsive, you say things as they are. the moon here, in fact, makes it impossible for you to hide your emotions. if you feel sad or angry, people will most likely be able to tell. on the other hand, you’re particularly expressive, you’re able to convey all of your emotions into your words. that would make you an amazing writer, as well as an actress for example.

your 4th house is in capricorn, with the planets uranus and neptune placed there. I can tell that your childhood was quite complex. not necessarily bad, but there were a few things that you still remember to this day. your parents could have been very hard-working and focused on work, possibly wealthy too. they were very responsible and cared a lot about you, they always made sure you had everything you needed, even though they could have been slightly absent from time to time due to their jobs. people with a capricorn ic usually find something missing in their childhood, they had to deal with responsibilities from a young age. it could even be that you started working when you were still a teen. uranus indicates that there could have been a few unexpected events throughout your childhood, that could have even been quite painful. neptune, on the other hand, could have made you a bit more insecure as a child than other capricorn ics. you weren’t much extroverted, you preferred staying in, drawing, playing games etc. possibly, you were also close to arts. in the worst case, you may also have a missing parent or family member, either physically or mentally. also your parents could be divorced.

your 5th house is in aquarius. you’re extremely creative, your ideas are very innovative, and you may have particular hobbies, interests or taste than others. when you’re able to fully express yourself, you gain full security and you start experimenting and inventing new things. you could be the type to start new fashion trends, music styles, art styles… basically, you’re a creative genius. your hobbies may also involve astrology, as well as human studies like psychology, or also anything that has to do with technology. you may be into videogames for example, tv series, social media… they’re your way to spend your free-time and relax. your relationships may also be very unconventional; you could usually date people online, or perhaps you may have the potential to meet someone through dating apps. they’re quite unstable, they may end out of the blue for example.

your 6th house is in pisces. in your daily life, you hardly ever have a structured schedule. you go with the flow, you take things as they come. you may often have your head in the clouds, you could get distracted easily and you may literally creative oscar-worthy movies in your head instead of doing what you need to do. your job may involve arts, images, possibly even fame. you should definitely use your creative talents for your possible career. also, you could benefit from helping others; you could be a psychologist or therapist of any kind, a nurse… any place where you’re able to help others. again, you could also help others through your art, hence with your lyrics, books, etc. when it comes to diets, workout routines, skincare routines etc. you could lack consistency, even though your leo and libra energy make you more motivated to take care of your appearance. you may sleep a lot, it’s easy for you to feel tired and stressed even when you’re not over-working yourself.

your 7th house is in aries, with also the sun, venus and mercury sitting there. love is most likely not your priority in life. you need independence, and you’re able to stand up for yourself on your own. you don’t need someone else to help you. you tend to attract partners in your life that are hot-headed, stubborn, assertive and goal-oriented. they strive to be the best at everything they do, they’re extremely competitive and willing to do anything to achieve their goals. basically, you attract very dominant partners, but you don’t want to be dominated or controlled. you may often experience power struggles between you and your partner, which cause you issues in every relationship you get in. at the same time, you wouldn’t stand someone too submissive either, as you still need someone that would mentally stimulate you. they may actually be quite selfish and self-centered, they’ll care more about their own development rather than that of you two as a couple. an aries 7th house indicates that while you’ll have a very active, passionate spouse, you may also experience lots of arguments and discussions in your marriage life, perhaps even physical violence. you are very intuitive, you understand others’ real feelings very easily. you’re very polite and mannered, you have this innate elegance about you that could make people jealous. you may even come off as a snob. even though your libra energy may make you look flaky, once people get to know you you’re actually very reliable and trust-worthy, as you are a person of strong morals. you may unconsciously manipulate people, but you don’t do it with malice. in fact, you’re probably not even aware of it most of the time. you’re reserved, and you don’t like being the centre of attention, despite craving compliments. nonetheless, you still like getting to know new people; you’re the type to know everyone, but you may struggle to find actual best friends, as your bonds with people are quite undeveloped and superficial. you have a nice sense of humor, and you may rely on sarcasm a lot. you’re also the type that doesn’t like to accept her mistakes.

your 8th house is in taurus. jupiter, saturn and mars are also in this house. you have the most stable, stubborn sign in a house that requires constant change. you probably hate changing your routine and stepping out of your comfort zone. changes are hard for you to accept; you find it hard to change job all of a sudden for example, or even letting go of a toxic friend of yours can be stressful for you. also, you could be quite materialistic and fond of material possessions, causing you to be a bit too stingy, which isn’t good for your karma. another reason that this house contrasts with your 2nd house in scorpio is that you feel like you constantly need to change, but ironically slow taurus makes your changes way slower than usual. sometimes, when they happen, they’re so subtle that you probably can’t even see them or at least notice them at first. this placement may also indicate that you could get an inheritance, especially since your venus isn’t harshly aspected, and you’ll most likely have a peaceful, even though sudden death. you’re an extremely goal-oriented person. you want to be the best at everything you do, not only to be better than others but also the best for yourself. you’re very astute, it’s impossible to trick you, and you always find a way to be in charge and get what you want. yet, you can get quite obsessed about your goals, that you could do extreme things to get what you want. in fact, people with this placement can even manipulate others, as they’re totally capable of doing that. people are naturally attracted to you, you have a way with words, and hence you’re always able to convince others into giving you what you want. but luckily, this doesn’t turn into manipulation, you probably don’t even realize this skill of yours, and hence you don’t use it to damage others. you are very persuasive, but you don't do it on purpose, you could actually be a little naive. when you get angry, you could actually get scary, though. your emotions are very intense, it’s hard to calm you down. you may be very sarcastic and aggressive with your words. you could hurt people, but you don’t do it on purpose. most of the time, you don’t even mean the things you say. you may also vent your anger with physical action, hence you could slam doors, punch or break things etc.

your 9th house is in gemini. gemini in the 9th house cusp usually makes people a bit close-minded, as they are very logical and careful in their approach to the world. you may change your ideas and opinions quite quickly, to the point that you could seem unconsistent. when learning new things, you like exploring different matters and subject, from maths to literature, but you may struggle to focus on only one. as a result, you may lack precision. you're probably a fast-learner and you're very witty and curious, you like learning about anything you can. you probably like studying, not necessarily at school but studying in general, and you may also be skilled at foreign languages. you could also be interested in foreign matters, such as cultures, music, etc.

your 10th house is in cancer. your career needs to be private. that doesn’t mean that you can’t become famous of course, but you prefer being more hidden at job, you may even work from home or from a young age. many celebrities with this placement, in fact, started working when they were still young. also, cancer indicates that your future job will give you the opportunity to express and / or deal with your / others’ feelings and emotions, and considering that the ruler of this house, the moon, is in the 3rd house, I can see you working in the communication field. you could become a writer, a singer, an actress, as well as a nurse, a therapist… anything that allows you to express your emotions while also communicating something is suitable for you. you could possibly also choose the same career as your parents, or you may handle the family’s business for example. you could also end up doing the job of your childhood dreams. you feel the need to pursue a meaningful career in your life, you want to feel emotionally connected to it. you don’t only want something that allows you to earn money, you also want to gain wisdom and maturity from a job, and hence you could even be a bit picky in choosing your future career.

your 11th house is in leo. with this placement, you’re probably very popular among your friends, you’re most likely the most talkative or funniest member of your group. you may also attract very popular people yourself in your friendships, perhaps even celebrities. possibly, you could even make friends that allow you to gain recognition and / or popularity, doesn’t matter whether it’s in school, job, etc. you may also be attracted to jobs in the spotlight or that need creativity: writing, acting, singing, modeling, etc.

your 12th house is in virgo. this is another placement that indicates that you are an amazing writer! in fact, the 12th house is about secret skills too, and virgo is ruled by mercury, the planet of communication. you do the math. with this placement, though, I feel like you may feel restricted from pursuing your goals, or even a career in the public eye, as you’re quite sensitive to others’ criticism about you. you strive to be perfect all the time, and your libra rising wants to constantly have a nice reputation. a scandal, or even simple haters, would probably be the end of you. deep down, you actually crave affection from someone else. yet, you may be afraid, or perhaps too shy to approach a possible partner. but remember, the 12th house is also the house of secret talents! in fact, especially with your libra rising, you’re extremely likeable. you shouldn’t be afraid of not being liked back, for example. remember that your love life will get better with time, as you become more mature in that field.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract aries, gemini, libra, taurus, aquarius, leo and virgo placements. your future spouse will most likely have aquarius, aries and virgo traits placements. they’ll be very similiar to you: bold and confident, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. you may meet them during a fun situation, hence at a party, during a vacation, in a restaurant, at a concert, a social gathering… possibly, even online, as I’ve already mentioned before. also, your spouse will most likely be one of your soulmates, and hence once you meet them you’ll probably have this ‘I’ve already seen you before’ feeling. they’ll seem very familiar, and you’ll find emotional comfort in them. your children will have strong aquarius, possibly capricorn placements. they’ll be very dreamy, they’ll have big goals for their life, and they’ll also be extremely intelligent and creative as well.

👶🏻 family life

your father is probably a very caring person that knows how to stand up for himself when he has to, but he may struggle to do that. he’s very smart and caring, even though he may get quite pessimistic at times. he could have cancer placements in his chart, possibly sagittarius too. your mother, on the other hand, is a bit more serious and focused on work, but she always made sure you always had what you needed. she was probably the strict parent in the family, but she still has some sweetness and nice humor to her. also, she may have capricorn, aquarius, pisces or cancer placements in her chart. if you have siblings, they most likely have sagittarius, scorpio and cancer placements in their chart. they could also be foreign or skilled at foreign languages, and you may feel very at ease with them. you have an amazing bond with them, you’re able to both relax and have fun together.

📊 career

as I've already mentioned above, your future career will most likely involve communication of any kind; you could have to interact with other people, and hence you may work in a place that allows you to communicate with others and that can get quite crowded, like a shop for example. you'll most likely start from these small jobs, like working in a cafe for example. above all, communication and creativity are the most indicated fields for you to be successful. you would do amazing as a writer for example, or perhaps you could even become an amazing teacher / professor. yet, you may even choose to pursue a more complex career, like a career in the med field. you could become a nurse for example, as it allows you to both help and communicate with other people, or even a surgeon, a doctor of any kind. you could even do well in politics or in a company, especially in marketing. last but not least, you also have many fame indicators in your chart. if you're planning to work in the entertainment industry, you could definitely succeed.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

you probably love clothes that can show and enhance your body. you may love wearing crop tops, skirts, bralettes, shorts... anything that leaves a part of your body uncovered, yet that still looks elegant and classy. you could also enjoy baggy clothes, paired with fancy accessories and heels. for colors, you go from wearing bold colours like red, burgundy and neon, to darker shades like black, dark blue etc. you probably also love neutral shades, like kaki, beige and so on.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past existence, you were very in touch with your home, self, and probably marriage too. overall, your past life was very peaceful, especially when it comes to your family. this lifetime, though, you need to focus on letting the world know who you are. you have to build a reputation for your name and feel satisfied with your career, while still taking care of your family.

🤔 major transits analysis / july 15

transit aries jupiter is currently conjunct your descendant, and it's about to enter your 7th house of love and relationships. this placement indicates that you may be meeting new people, you may make new friends or even get into a relationship. yet, beware of who you trust, as chiron is also transiting in this house. you may meet someone who hurts you, or tries to take advantage of you.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

you’re very in contact with your spirituality, making you more sensitive to higher affirmations. you have the ability to visualize what you want. that’s the key to activate the loa: travel with your fantasy, and visualize what you desire. do you want a new car? imagine yourself doing road-trips on that car. a new phone? visualize yourself making calls with that phone. you can even literally create a story involving those topics and it will come true. you can also help yourself by writing and listening to your own affirmations, maybe covered up by some music. in this way, you'll develop a more optimistic mindset and you'll be able to attract more positivity in your life. you just have to believe in your power!

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx

[aifc223]

Houston Downtown Management District Tax Office 2023

Vehicle registration charges are determined by the load of the vehicle. A automobile registration interval is for 12 consecutive months or any portion thereof. Registration for automobiles registered during August will expire on July 31. (The original type VTR-68A will remain with the TxDMV VTR-RSC, and a duplicate shall be submitted to our office. In any case when a negotiable title is issued and a Salvage Document is in evidence, the negotiable title will comprise a notation to point that the car was previously broken. “Flood Damaged” might be shown, when relevant, or “Rebuilt Salvage” will be shown.

County government is about budgets, she argues — dollars that span dozens of departments and affect every aspect of people’s lives. “I think part of the problem is that there’s been this angle of, you understand, ‘The county doesn’t do that,’” Hidalgo said. “If there’s an issue dealing with our residents, we’ll go over and round a wall to address it. I’ll work out what we are in a position to do to help it.” For example, she’s floated the idea of funding an immigrant authorized defense fund and slicing off funding to detention centers holding immigrant kids. Ive hours into Lina Hidalgo’s first commissioners courtroom assembly, Carmen Ivonne, a short, middle-aged lady, stepped as much as testify.

Paying somebody to chop the grass, bale it, and paying for it to be hauled it off clearly will not meet the requirements for "systematic advertising", the revenue stream is zero, no income to indicate. Except for native grass pastures or these additionally used to run cattle, must how to get help paying my property tax harris county fertilize a minimum of as quickly as each spring and cut and bale at least twice each year. One annual cutting required for native grasses and fields on which cattle are run outdoors the haying season.

There is a rollback tax for taking agricultural land out of its productivity use. The distinction between an Ag exemption and ahomestead exemptionis an Ag exemption just isn't actually an exemption, but instead is a particular valuation. This means agricultural landowners could have their property taxes calculated based mostly on productive agricultural values, versus market worth of the land. Ag exemptions are just for land that's primarily being used for agricultural purposes. Brazoria County householders pay round $2,850 yearly in property taxes on properties with a median appraisal of $140,300. Median property taxes for Zapata County residents run around $359 per yr.

Du Pont de Nemours & Co. v. Robinson, 923 S.W.2d 549, 558 (Tex.1995). We can't settle questions of credibility or substitute our judgment for that of the trial courtroom. Almost with out exception, the hearings I observed had been cordial, skilled, and comparatively environment Harris County Property Tax Loan friendly, despite the enormous volume of circumstances. I strongly support parts of SB 2, especially those that meaningfully shield the taxpayer and improve taxpayer oversight and finances administration.

The panel votes 3–0 to maintain the executive’s market worth at $9.64 million. He is articulate, composed, and properly prepared—and, ultimately, totally unconvincing. Homeowners in scorching housing markets received a nasty shock when their value determinations arrived this spring. Here’s what happened when a few of them tried to get reductions. To locate the agricultural appraisal guidelines concerning chickens in your county, begin by visiting the Texas comptroller’s web site.

Located just minutes of Bandera, Texas, this 1,276 acre reside water ranch offers year-round recreational enjoyment. The picturesque rolling topography boasts grass lined rangeland, fertile fields, majestic Hardwoods, and Oak motts offering optimum habitat for native and unique sport animals. Winans Creek flows across Hay harris county property taxes the north portion of the ranch for almost 6/10s of a mile and features a concrete dam crossing making a picturesque aquatic function. 22 water wells and 5 earthen ponds provide water throughout the ranch insuring easy access to wildlife and livestock.

915 acres positioned in Frio County just minutes from Pearsall, Texas. This property is an outdoorsmen paradise with over 1 mile of Frio River frontage. Improvements embrace a superb Property Tax Loan Harris County road system and two water wells. The ranch offers each native brush and large hardwoods along the banks of the Frio River.

The Chief Appraiser must make the request in writing, and you must provide the statement inside 20 days of the date you obtain the request. The explanatory assertion should set out a detailed rationalization of the idea for the estimate of market value given in your rendition. The statement must embrace sufficient info to identify the property. If must describe the bodily and economic traits of the property which are relevant to its market worth. It should additionally give the source of knowledge used in valuing the property and explain the idea for the value estimate. Yes, Information contained in a rendition can't be disclosed to third events except in very restricted circumstances.

[finneganmikkelsen9]

replica birkin bag 8

The Art Of Hermès Exhibition In London Puts Birkin Baggage Subsequent To Warhol Paintings The reply I simply reviewed is decent and, frankly, it may happen as the original in any scenario. If you observe the above guidelines, I am sure that you can additionally purchase a magnificent and good high quality Hermes replica bag. I am certain we all can agree that the Hermes Birkin Togo isn't a classy bag, it is a timeless one. It is a purse that many women dream of having. You can truly find quality purses that will idiot the untrained eye. With the right follow and sufficient persistence, you can even discover baggage that can stand on the same level of high quality because the genuine baggage. The solely draw back is that you'll pay extra for them. Not almost as a lot as what you would pay for an original, however do anticipate to pay extra if you would like high-end knock offs. 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You will discover that their logos, stamps, and hardware are in the exact order and placement areas that may be discovered on the original designs. Okay, here comes the half that you've got got all been waiting for. Out of all the time that I spent buying and researching replica bags I actually have by no means discovered a vendor that quite brings it house like AAA Handbags. Now, I even have purchased from a lot of manufacturers, but the web site I advocate provides some of the highest high quality merchandise at the most reasonably priced charges attainable. The bag is very rare and is a bit longer than the Kelly Pochette. The handbag is really classic and expensive as nicely. wikipedia handbags Due to the labor intensive nature of the work each purse are rather costly and takes time to officially acquire. It is mentioned that the wait for his or her extra famous designs similar to a special order Kelly Bag or Birkin requires round six years depending on the sort of leather-based, skin or steel requested. Hence, it isn't shocking that these luxurious Hermes Bagcan be priced to about 5 to 6 figures. Our hottest high finish replica handbags sets available embrace a number of the latest fashions of the season as properly as the basic replica baggage. Copyright © 2012 Powered by Hermes Handbags of Hermes Birkin All Rights Reserved. If you need assistance with the authentication of your Hermes Birkin bag, we’ve got you covered. The genuine Hermes Birkin bag does not current any space between its stitches, as they are all placed shut one to a different, in contrast to the pretend bag’s stitches. It provides me confidence that my bag is going to reach in flawless situation. I know that it is going to possess the identical traits and options at the true thing. I’m sorry, however your evaluation sounds suspicious. At the beginning you say you’ve discovered it inconceivable to purchase an authentic Birkin, however by the top you are “putting it subsequent to my other Birkins from the Hermes store”. I own many bags that cost me about three,000-6,000$. They all get scratched and broken from using. https://phoenet.tw/replicas-hermes-bags/replica-birkin-bag.html This Birkin is in Etain and Craie epsom leather-based with gold hardware and has tonal stitching, front flap, two straps with heart toggle closure, clochette with lock and two keys, and double rolled handles. The interior is lined with Etain chevre and has one zip... This Sellier Birkin is in Craie epsom leather with gold hardware and has tonal stitching, entrance flap, two straps with heart toggle closure, clochette with lock and two keys, and double rolled handles. There are varied wonderful Hermes critiques all round the web and all level to the difficulties involved in laying your hands on one. Most of those Hermes reviews have talked concerning the Hermes Birkin replica as an ideal possibility or different so, if you don’t have the endurance to attend in your custom made Birkin, it’s greatest to get a reproduction. Bag Snob Tina, I suppose you're right, the classic one might be a more sensible choice. The solely cause why I just like the JPG version is because it is shorter. I love short and longer luggage as I don't must dig and rumble via my stuff to search for things, particularly if the bag is darkish in color. Thank you once again for the ideas and advice.

[kastrupfoldager02]

Replica Herems Luggage Birkin Outlet Sale

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[mckeedinesen73]

Low-cost Replica Chloe Purses From China On-line Outlet

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A hoax is a falsehood deliberately fabricated to masquerade as the truth. It is distinguishable from errors in observation or judgment, rumors, city legends, pseudosciences, and April Fools' Day events that are handed along in good religion by believers or as jokes. Our fragrance bottles are produced from one hundred pc recyclable and sustainable supplies, except for the pump. The smaller design is ideal for the woman about city who wants to look the part or the younger skilled wishing to make the best impression. Designed for practicality in addition to type, the Chloe Faye vary has turn out to be a mainstay in the designer bag market. The amazing Chloe Faye small baggage you see listed here are a perfect replica of the original design at a fraction of the price. This range of Chloe dupes includes small and huge shoulder luggage plus the timelessly trendy and chic backpack design. This is a spread for girls of all ages but will attraction particularly to the younger lady who loves to be fashionable. As quickly as I noticed the Chloe Faye shoulder bag in individual, I was in love. Gala is Chloe home a small number of bucket bag, bag mouth made a human and really delicate deal with, on a size. Dior this 12 months is also the first time to do the barrel, or with the printing. With the word shoulder, lotus leaf sleeves just can not take more! The O shaped ring and the chain are the key hardware parts as nicely as the sides of the bag where the strap attaches. Some lazy replica manufacturers fail to get this proper or low cost out by offering mild hardware. If you've a Chloé Faye replica you presumably can judge the quality of the bag simply by assessing the burden of the hardware in comparison to the original. The Purse Queen was began in August of of 2010 by me, Angie , as a weblog that evaluations genuine & replica purses I truly have bought throughout the years, and replica web sites as properly. I am your typical trend obsessed lady in her 30s (think Blair Waldorf or Serena van Der Woodsen post-Gossip Girl) based mostly in New York, but frequently travel across the globe . Simply fashionable and undeniably stylish, this gorgeous vary of Chloe Faye bag dupes is completely devoted to the original. Available as shoulder bag and backpack designs, it is a classic of the age, and an ideal alternative of beautiful designer baggage at amazingly inexpensive prices. Because there are steel fittings, the weight of the bag will not be very gentle. I personally have been in love with the Chloé Faye bag since I first noticed it a couple of 12 months and a half ago. It’s not usually that I fall in love with a bag immediately – I often need to see it in the official boutique in person before I can affirm my admiration for a bag – but the Chloé Faye was one of those rare bags that I fell in love with upon first sight. First of all the bag has a minimalist vibe which I love , and it has a classic vibe as well.

[suna-reversed]

Insatiable desires

Gojo x F!reader x Toji ft. Nanami

art credit: @sk_jkg7 (twitter)

MINORS DNI!!

warnings/tags- gangbang, degredation, spanking, spit play, cum play, oral (m.receiving), manhandling, choking, creampie, fingering, gagging, mentions of bondage

A/N: this is just porn without plot, don’t even try to figure out what timeline it falls into, just assume it’s written in the veeishornyfordilfs-verse😩

You don't exactly remember how you ended up here-

splayed across the lap of the world’s most powerful sorcerer, ass up and panties pushed to the side while one of the most elite fighters of the zenin clan sits across from you, hand lazily palming the massive bulge in his pants. 

“Told you she’s an obedient little thing-” Gojo’s bragging is cut off as a loud moan escapes you. 

“Sure she is.” Toji says in mockery, a dry laugh escaping his throat.

“What’s the point of having her tight cunt gush around you if she isn’t making any of those sweet sounds?” Gojo counters, his hand harshly coming down against your throbbing clit making you choke on another moan around the blindfold stuffing your mouth. 

Gojo’s fingers continue to explore your folds, moving every now and then to spread the wetness across your bruised ass which had been subjected to repeated spanks from both the men just moments ago. You arch your back more as his fingers come right onto your clit, face contorting in pleasure as he starts rubbing circles onto your sensitive bud. 

A loud groan pulls you out of your bubble of ecstacy. 

“Put her on the bed already, she’s dripping enough to fit 3 cocks inside her slutty little hole by now.” 

You tilt your head to find Toji’s piercing gaze fixed onto where Gojo’s fingers meet your juices, his hand pulling his cock free from the elastic of his boxers. You whine needily at the sight of it, making the tip of his cock twitch as a bead of precum dribbles down the side. A sharp slap comes down onto your ass making you wince from pain, tears welling up in your eyes from being teased for too long, 

“Better have the same reaction for my cock too sweetheart.” Gojo sings out, voice laced with a hint of jealousy. 

Toji looks amused as he gets up, not even acknowledging Gojo as he pulls up your body from across his lap, easily tossing you onto the bed like a ragdoll. You look up at him with pleading eyes as he comes to stand at the edge of the bed, his huge member right in front of your face. Even Gojo’s remarks of annoyance are silenced as he grips your jaw, slapping your cheek with his enlarged cock, 

“Do you deserve it?” His voice is deep and commanding as he pulls up your face so that you’re staring right into his eyes. You nod your head rapidly, mouth still gagged. 

Toji bites his lip as he apprehends your tear filled eyes and your drooling mouth. You cough a little when he suddenly pulls out the fabric in your mouth, throwing it to the side, you barely even have the time to take a breath before the tip of his cock is rubbing against your lips, urging you to take him in, 

“Let’s see what kind of sweet sounds she makes when my cum is oozing out this dirty mouth.” 

That’s all the warning you get before his cock is making its way past your lips and hitting the back of your throat. The spit that had built up in your mouth now leaking out the sides and falling onto your tits. It’s filthy and lewd as he grips onto your hair to tilt your head upwards, smearing the mixture of substances drooling out the side of your mouth across your cheek, laughing as tears fall from your eyes. You can feel him getting close, loud moans rumbling from his chest as he fucks your mouth even deeper than before. Your vision is blurry from the tears, no coherent thought in mind except for the feral need of having Toji’s cum down your throat when suddenly, you’re harshly pulled back, a sob escaping you from both shock and desperation as the back of your head hits Gojo’s chest. 

Everything happens in a flash. You barely register the growl that leaves Toji’s throat over the sound of Gojo snickering, and before your know it, the dark haired man is striding towards you, a look in his eyes that makes you want to beg for your life, but he doesn’t even look at you as your body slumps to the mattress. You snap your head behind to see Gojo pinned against the headboard, smirking at the large hand wrapped around his throat. 

Your eyes widen in surprise and heat crawls up your face as he crashes his lips onto Toji’s. Toji’s eyes hold the same expression as you for a second before a loud groan leaves his throat, hand moving up to grip Gojo’s jaw as he pulls away. The arousal that pools in your core as you watch the thick splatter of Toji’s saliva hit the side of Gojo’s lips is almost embarrassing. Gojo looks amused and it seems like they’ve almost forgotten you until he raises his hand, two fingers gesturing you to come closer, which seems to snap Toji’s attention back to you too. You crawl over to them, Gojo’s lips immediately melding with yours, the mix of both their spit coating your tongue. 

“Fuck this- I wanna be inside her.”

You’re being pulled away once again, only this time, angled in a way where you're on your fours, ass towards Toji, nose pressed onto Gojo’s muscular thigh, his cock standing tall against his stomach as he runs his fingers through your hair. You lick a stripe up from the base of his shaft to the tip of his cock, moaning as you feel your folds being spread apart, the tip of Toji’s cock lining up with your slit as he kneads the flesh of your ass. You feel Gojo’s hand pushing your head forward, urging you and you oblige. You struggle to take him in your already fucked out throat, barely halfway through when you feel the burn of a cock stretching your walls. You moan around the cock in your mouth as Toji fully sheaths himself inside of you, the vibrations making Gojo bucks his hips up into your mouth. 

The vulgar sounds of Toji’s balls slapping against your ass as he starts thrusting into your gushing cunt fills the room, overpowering the grunts and groans of the blue-eyed man stuffing your mouth with his dick. Gojo brings his hand forward to fondle your breasts, fingers pulling and pinching your hardened nipples which makes your cunt clench. Toji groans at the movement, strokes getting sloppier as he feels his climax nearing. Both men are bucking into you, using your body to their own pleasure as you lose your balance and fall forwards, mouth still bobbing against Gojo’s cock because of the push of Toji going in and out of your leaking pussy. 

Gojo is the first to climax, holding your head down, nose pressed up against his happy trail as he cums deep down your throat. The peak of your own arousal washes over you as Toji’s fingers move across your abdomen to find your clit, hastily rubbing circles onto it as his cock brushes one particular sensitive spot against your walls. You’re moaning around Gojo’s softening dick as the first wave of an orgasm hits you, tears escaping your eyes from the edging as the coil in your stomach snaps. Toji follows soon after, pumping your cunt full of his seed as he fucks you through both of your orgasms. 

Your body collapses onto the bed as both men pull themselves out, Gojo lazily reaching over the nightstand to throw over his phone to Toji who proceeds to take pictures of your fucked out oozing cunt. You’re panting from the exhaustion as strong arms wrap around you and pull you up to a warm chest, 

“You don’t think you’re done without me having filled you up, do you?” 

His hot breath next to ear makes shivers run down your spine as you shake your head, still too tired to respond as another hand kneads the flesh of your inner thigh, the bed dipping as Toji comes to sit across from you. 

“What the fuck Satoru?”

Your eyes immediately snap open at the foreign voice, both Gojo and Toji’s attention being diverted to the doorway, towards the man in the suit, tie loosened around his throat and an extremely annoyed look on his face. Arguably, it was Gojo’s fault for pulling you into a random room after he had seen you pressed against the wall in some corner, Toji’s lips latched onto the tit he had pulled out of your dress. 

“Ah- I didn’t think the room was occupied.” Gojo says nonchalantly, the side of his lip twitching upwards. 

You knew the ever-observant man would never make such a mistake, making you wonder what he was up to. The vexed look on the man’s face who stared at you from across the room would have made you want to shrink into yourself even if you were fully clothed. 

“But you have been stressed these days, haven't you Nanami? Maybe you deserve a little reward.” 

You yelped as you felt hands spreading apart your thighs, glancing over at Toji to see what he thought of the situation, but his own eyes mirrored the look of the man exposing you to the blonde at the door. 

“I’ll fucking kill you if you ever wreck my room again.” 

There was anger in Nanami’s words, he was stressed and tired from having to work overtime on today’s mission and to come home to such a mess was the last thing he expected. Still, he found his cock twitching against the restraint of his pants as he looked at your bare pussy, your eyes holding a look so innocent as if you weren’t just getting fucked by two men. Maybe he did deserve a reward after all, he found himself thinking as he strode towards the bed, pulling his tie loose. 

You couldn’t deny that the man was attractive, his aura both dangerously calming and commanding as he apprehended you carefully, his hunger-filled eyes raking over your figure with a look that said he was going to devour you whole. He didn’t put away his tie, instead tying it up into a makeshift knot and you felt yourself getting wet once again as you realised what he was planning. 

Well, you were always curious about wanting to get tied up and fucked anyways. 

[notnctu]

backseat chronicles - n.jm | ridin’ club

━ welcome to the ridin’ club smut series

genre ➠ slow burn, smut, fluff, lil angst  wordcount ➠ 8.5k details ➠ fem!reader, streetracer!jaemin, badboy!jaemin, college!au ━ where Jaemin brings you to his club races as his arm candy. warnings ➠ explicit language, overstimulation, flirty banter, pet names, softdom!jaemin, car sex, praise kink, hittin it raw (y/n on the pill), oral, daddy kink, slight corruption kink, fingering synopsis ➠ There is no reasonable explanation as to why or how you always end up in the backseat of Na Jaemin’s beloved car. Almost routinely, he picks you up around ten in the evening with the stereo blasting the raunchiest lyrics for your entire suburban neighborhood to hear. The entire night remains purely friendly, a dabble of flirtatious comments because well, it’s Jaemin for fuck sakes. But all it takes is one suggestive gaze from his dark, lustful eyes and a drop in his voice that rumbles your core to have you climbing over the seats to get to the back. taglist ➠ @rabbit-doyochi​​​ ; @darkneogotmyback​​​ ; @im-lame-irl​​​ ; @p-mini​​​ ; @niniluvsmarkhyuck​​​ ; @saniahmichael​​ ; @jaehy9ngs​​​ ; @danyxthirstae01​​​ ; @jaehyunoos​​​ ; @pikijaemin​​​ ; @suhweo​​​ ; @yunoyeol​​​ ; @lanadreamie​​​ ; @ta3ilmoon​​​ ; 

a/n ➠ hi yall its author doie❀!! thank you for over 1k notes on this series, im beyond impressed by the amount of attention this got! it really blew up and its so crazy!! i wrote this one with more of a romantic plotline i realized its too hard to keep it pwp with all the story building and characterization i have :)) it’s almost over yall! pls pls leave me feedback im sorry it took so long to write ):

While college lecture rooms are too big to interact with other students, discussion classes are there to ease the difficulty. A classroom for about twenty students from a three hundred person lecture. It’s administered by a clueless TA, who barely began his second term in graduate school.

Unlike lecture, attendance is mandatory for participation points. You show up every time without a fail, so it came as a shock to you when a certain blue haired student finally appeared from the list of absent students.

Na Jaemin. The notorious playboy with looks that kill and partakes in some illegal racing club. It’s as if every person in the room fawns over his aura, Jaemin drips with an inexplicable alluring confidence. You didn’t know anything about him besides the fact that he never shows up for class and rumors about how he’s slept with the entire cheer squad.

But he’s drawn to you like a magnet: always sitting in the available spot next to you, asking about your day before the TA arrives, developing an odd staring problem. You don’t feed much into his attention, minding your own business when he starts with his notably flirtatious greeting.

“You just take my breath away, (Y/N).” Jaemin cocks back in his seat with legs stretched wide in an overly comfortable manner. The smug smirk on his face cannot be ignored, he’s doing the absolute most to get you to pay the smallest attention to him.

“I didn’t do anything in particular to do that, Jaemin.” You respond bitterly, pulling out your notes for today’s discussion class. The TA enjoys wasting the first twenty minutes going over the past lecture slides and running through the most obvious topics.

You pay no mind to Jaemin peering over at you with the single handedly most dreamy eyes and smile --- stars shining in his dark orbs and a dazzling twinkle in his wide toothy grin.

“That’s why you’re so amazing. You do nothing and it still leaves me breathless.” His sneaky eyes examine your clothing choice for the long day. On this warm afternoon, the short tank top does nothing to hide much of your skin and the denim shorts that ride up a little too well drive Jaemin insane. And when you cross your legs together, he swallows the spit that pools in the back of his throat.

Your ears catch onto the murmurs of the rest of the class, the midterm is next week. The wretched midterm that is half of your grade dooms you, it is going to take an endless amount of completely undistracted dedicated hours of study--- “On a more serious note, can you help me with this class?”

His voice shatters your inner panic, if anything, adds to the stress that already beats down on your shoulders. You look up to glare at him, but you’re entirely taken aback by the new styling of his hair and the exposure of his tattoos.

The sweet blue cotton candied strands are ruffled lazily above his brows, messy from him constantly running his hand through them. Jaemin sits relaxed in gray sweatpants that are extremely baggy on his slender figure, hands are shoved casually into the pockets.

But what has you staring for longer is the long sleeve of tattoos that wrap around his left arm. Not that you’re surprised that Jaemin has tattoos, let alone a whole sleeve, but this is your first time seeing it as this is the first time he’s come to class without his leather jacket on. Something about the intricate lines and shadowing make Jaemin seem much cooler, almost more attractive.

When you meet his eyes, his lips curl slowly into a sly side smile and he’s practically eating you up under his gaze. He definitely knew that you were staring and what comes next out of his mouth will haunt you for it. “Like what you see, beautiful?”

“I don’t have the time to help you.” The best way out of this situation is to simply ignore it. Jaemin is overly adored and admired by many, he’ll find someone else to help him.

“Jaemin, do you want to study together?” There you go, folks. The random girl snickers with her small huddle of friends in the upper corner of the room, like a crowd of crows, they’re all waiting around for Jaemin to accept her offer so he can be easily integrated into their little group.

However, you watch how his glances bounce between you and her. The most sickly sweet, kind smile is almost too fake to consider it to be genuine. His final choice surprises you, “thank you for offering, but I only want (Y/N)...”

Your breath hitches and gets caught in your throat as you hope for him to finish his sentence, the drumming of your heart distracting you even more. Jaemin wants you? While the thought is flattering, it puzzles you greatly.

“... to help me with my studies.” Jaemin finishes his sentence after a rather long pause, his eyes finally resting upon your figure shying away and finding any way to seem uninterested in the conversation. “Is that going to be okay, (Y/N)?”

“What do I get out of it?” You can’t believe that you are actually considering it. But this is a man that only wants you to help him. Jaemin is an impossible, yet charming man and whatever comfortable attire he is wearing today is really aiding in his request.

He lights up, ears perked up and eyes attentive. His hands fold together on the empty desk, leaning forward towards you. “Dates with me.”

Rolling your eyes, you groan slightly at the arrogant answer. “I don’t care about that. I want something that benefits me.”

“I’ll make sure you’re well fed.” There is a tiny plea in his tone, a remarkable shift from his cool aura. “What do you want? I’ll give it to you.”

“I guess I can’t turn down free food…” there is a hang in your sentence as you contemplate what chaos you’re about to dive into and what life changes are about to be explored with Jaemin.

“Before you agree,” Jaemin chuckles, “there’s one more thing I’d like you to do for me.”

You’re quick to shoot a daggering glare at the overly enthusiastic boy, “why do I suddenly owe you favors?”

“Because I say so.” He deadpans, a chill running down your spine at the deep dip in his octave. The playfulness that was present all this time suddenly vanished, a serious look that intimidates you, but sexy enough to where it erupts something in your core. He blinks at you with dark clouded eyes and you nervously anticipate what he is going to ask next of you.

“Accompany me to my races.” He speaks lowly as if he’s afraid of someone else eavesdropping in the conversation.

Here’s your issue with that request: you’ve never really been part of that scene. You’ve lived pretty mundanely, even in college. It’s simple, you like to stay within the boundaries of what you enjoy to do and what you have to do. But you’re always open minded and willing to try something to determine whether or not you’re fond of it.

Partying and drinking copious amounts of alcohol weren’t your favorite things to do, especially to the point of forgetting your nights. You wanted to remember your nights as much as you do your days. The youth isn’t here for long, why waste them by blacking out in the middle of a large party? Also, whoever said that alcohol goes down smooth is a blatant liar.

Illegal racing could possibly be an extension of people who participate in those things, which is fine, but does place a crippling fear of coming off too boring or unrelatable inside your nervous system. But just because you don’t do those things doesn’t mean that you’re not as cool, right?

Since when was your status based nonsensically on how often you spend your nights in socializing crowds full of sweaty bodies and how much cheap booze you can drink? It had to be all in your head --- you’re just dreading any awkward socializing with people who race cars when it’s absolutely illegal.

“Why me?” It’s a genuine answer, possibly stemming from your insecurities of not being on the same level of charm as Jaemin exudes. You’re not a fool, you’re well aware of the many different people he comes across on campus so, why you?

Jaemin doesn’t hesitate to answer, “why not you? You’re just my type. Hot and smart. Cute and a little shy. The greatest duality, if you ask me.” His words seem so genuine that it has you believing these things about yourself as well.

Nonetheless, you’re taken aback by his observations and his choice of descriptions. “We’ve barely ever talked. How can you say these things so confidently about me?”

Jaemin slightly pulls your chair closer to his own and you yelp in response to the sudden movement and lack of space that separates the two of you. He leans into you, breath hot on your skin and obvious eyes darting between your shocked ones and pretty lips.

“So let’s get to know each other. I can already tell that it’ll just make me fall for you even more.” His finger lightly traces your jaw, stopping at your chin to give it a small lift to meet his focus. Jaemin loves how you squirm underneath his intensity, you’re too cute to let go. “Plus, my boys will love you. I’m sure of it.”

The TA rushes in quickly and is utterly distressed from the traffic that had pushed back his schedule. “Sorry, I’m late everyone.” He rummages through his things to find his notes, but groans to see that the monitor of the computer is off. It’s going to take him another ten minutes to input all his credentials.

But your attention doesn’t stray from Jaemin, especially with his delicate touch at the bottom of your chin. His gentle smile enacts nothing but a soft love, and a peak of interest. Na Jaemin, the one and only. He’s like an adventure waiting to be explored, an open bottle of fun for you to take a sip.

“What would I have to do?” Your voice comes out shaky.

“Just be there as your pretty self.” Jaemin comes off as the type to always have women around him, “you’ll be my lucky charm. For some reason, I always feel better around you.”

The escalation of this conversation is possibly more action you’ve had to handle in the last two years. Jaemin drops your chin and falls back into his own seat with his arms crossed. He is about to turn your life upside down and whether that be a good or bad thing, you don’t mind. You’re excited for the new thrills that come with being by Na Jaemin’s side.

Jaemin’s hot hands lift your shirt quickly, throwing it towards the front seat of his car. His lips return to your soft neck, nibbling at your skin tenderly and with love bites that will remind you of his gentle touches. The streetlamps outside flicker impatiently as you feel the eagerness soaking your panties and he lifts you up to take them off.

“My sweet girl,” his voice is light and airy that it becomes almost lost in the heat of the car. “You’re excited tonight. Did you miss me?” The devilish smirk can be felt upon your collarbones.

“Yes, I haven’t seen you for almost five days.” A peculiar whine settles in your pout and Jaemin’s low growl sends shivers down your spine. The only barrier are his own tight jeans and your hands are fast at unbuckling his belt. Jaemin relaxes back, forearms resting on your soft thighs and watching the neediness in your expression and the speed of your hands. He smiles to himself seeing you this way, wanting him so badly that you can’t wait to get him out of his jeans.

Throughout the two months that you and Jaemin finally became well acquainted, he’s fallen inexplicably into your trance. His friends made it very clear to you that he doesn’t keep the same girl around for more than a few weeks. But he’s brought you to almost every race so far and despite the initial shock of your appearance after the third time, you didn’t let the passing comments phase you.

Why he hasn’t replaced you is unknown and truthfully, there is no reasonable explanation how you always wind up in the backseat of his car by the end of the night. It’s become part of your routine. Jaemin picks you up around ten in the evening with raunchy lyrics blasting out of his personalized car for your entire suburban neighborhood to hear. More often than not, Jaemin has food ready for you to devour and a cozy blanket for your exposed legs.

You’ve learned a bit more about him through your backseat chronicles. Jaemin is possibly one of the only people in your life with a heart bigger than his own body, while also being as carefree as he can. Oddly enough, he cares about you as his friend and as his companion. Not to mention the ridiculous, yet endearing nickname, “Lucky Charm”, that he has coined upon you.

Jaemin has been the best adventure you’ve had in ages. While he takes you on intoxicating thrill rides on the leather of his back seats, every street race has been more than unforgettable. He shares one of the same values as you --- wanting to remember the present. You both know that you’ll remember each other enough for it to transcend into your next lives.

You have him to thank for your youthful experiences, to learn and dive into this new found world of mischief under his care. Jaemin treats you extraordinarily well, he’d never hurt a soul. He showers you in appraisal and carefulness, he’s attentive to your behavior and remembers your favorite things. And he reminds you almost every time you see him that he’s so grateful to have you in his life.

“Have you been touching yourself?” Jaemin’s bold question catches you off guard as it causes your hands to shyly hover over his unzipped jeans. When you glance up at him with soft innocent eyes, as if you’re guilty of a crime and wish to beg for forgiveness, his facial expression is serious and intimidating. 

“Continue, baby. You can be honest with me. Daddy isn’t going to punish you if you did.” His tone is sweet and light, but his eyes are dark and piercing. His lips are drawn tightly into a thin line, no curve in sight.

His finger grazes down your cheek gently as he admires your slightly parted lips and the way your eyelashes dance every time you blink. However, his other hand urges you to continue your previous action of getting him out of his restrictive jeans.

You nod, while rubbing his erection through his gray briefs that hug him so tightly. There’s a sharp intake of breath when you pull the waistband of his underwear down and his cock stands against his lower abdomen. “Do you think of me when you do?” His voice gets caught in his throat when you take him in your warm hand.

“Always.” You kiss his jawline and fix your position above his dick. Your slick pussy presses down against his shaft, coating it in your juices and rubbing his tip to your clit for a delicious sensation. Jaemin groans, his gaze dipping between your lower bodies and back to your face.

“My sweet (Y/N) thinks about her daddy fucking her senseless while she touches herself.” Jaemin chuckles darkly, grinding his hips harder against you. There is a shift in the atmosphere as he grips your hips and slowly enters your dripping hole. “That’s cute, baby.”

You hold onto his shoulders as his raw dick fills you to the brim, stretching you out like past nights. Gasps leave your body when he starts pulling all the way out to only have you sink back down. “Daddy, please just fuck me.”

Jaemin picks up his speed, knowing that you have a quiz due at midnight that you scolded him for forgetting earlier. The grip on his shoulders tighten as this man navigates your body all too well. He knows you like the back of his hand, fucking the spot that causes your body to lose control.

One of his favorite sights in the world is the view of your lips parted open with loud whimpers falling effortlessly. Your eyes roll back into your skull as his hips roll deeper into your walls, the tip hitting your sweet spot repeatedly.

“You’re always the best girl for me, aren’t you?” His hand wraps around your neck when you throw your head back, choking you lightly and your walls grip around his shaft. “I know you’re close. Cum on my dick, baby. Be a good girl.”

Jaemin’s tattoos shine under the moonlight when you peer down at him. His hooded eyes are intoxicated by the pure image of your fucked out body and he’s truly in love. “My good girl, come on baby.” He continues to encourage, his other hand giving you a smack on your ass when he drills mercilessly into you.

The familiar bubbling occupy your lower half and the feeling of release unravels all so suddenly. You fall forward, Jaemin lets go of your neck to hold your limp body close to him, your head on his shoulder as your orgasm overtakes you. He grinds his hips into you to prolong your shaking climax, cooing sweet nothings in your ear as his other hand takes a whole handful of ass to squeeze.

He bottoms out, filling you up to the rim to cum deep inside of you. Jaemin moans loudly, his cum spilling all over your walls. You two sit like that until he grows soft, pampering your temples with gentle kisses. Jaemin remembers to take care of you, no matter what.

While you’re in his arms, he reaches for sanitary wipes in the side compartments. He lifts your hips slowly to pull out and you sigh at the emptiness. Gently, he swipes at the dripping cum from your pussy and makes sure that you’re all cleaned up before getting dressed.

“So, you want to tell me why you’ve been MIA for the past five days?” Rolling your eyes, you pull up your panties and fix the last decency of your hair.

“Car meets that are too far for me to take you.” His thumb rubs your chin lovingly and Jaemin’s eyes are so bright and mesmerizing, you find that it’s hard to look him in the eye at times.

“Not because you’ve been hooking up with other girls?” There is a tinge of sarcasm that laces your rhetorical question and though you don’t expect him to give you an actual answer, you take note of his reaction. Jaemin raises an eyebrow, clearing his throat and looking out the window away from you.

“And if I was?” Truthfully, that question hurt you more than your’s hurt him. His hand rests underneath his chin as he patiently waits for your answer. He admires the clear night sky and the rundown abandoned liquor store that stands all by itself.

“What do you want me to say?” Question after question, a stiff tension replaces the sex of the car.

“I’ll take you back now.” Jaemin crawls back to the driver’s seat, completely ignoring your confused figure. He has always been quite like this: going aloof whenever he wants to dodge something. However, it’s been happening more frequently the past times you two have been seeing each other.

The truth is simple, yet entirely complex at the same time. You and Jaemin aren’t dating, despite always going out together and him posessively introducing you to other men. You and Jaemin aren’t dating.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t stop you from growing feelings for him and you can tell that this happens too often for the attractive boy. He can’t have a fuckbuddy that won’t fall head over heels for him. But who could really blame you? Even if all this time Jaemin was pretending that he cared about you, he still pampers you like a princess; he still tells you he does.

But when it comes to discussion about advancing into something more, he hides and grows silent. This has you wondering, maybe this entire thing to him is all sex? And he can’t love you back the way you do.

No one knows his heart, not even himself. He’s never wanted to complicate his life, it’s always been about two things: racing and having fun. There is no easy way to explain it all, the thoughts that flood his mind and heart, so he chooses every way to ignore it. Overall, he’s genuinely lost. You are one source of stability in his life that he isn’t willing to let go, ever. But just because he won’t let you go, doesn’t mean that you won’t take the chance to leave when you’re fed up with him.

This has him wondering, how far can he push before he pushes you too far?

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just walk.” Tonight is unsettling, it usually doesn’t end like this. Jaemin locks the car doors and turns around to reach for your hand. “Jaemin, open the door.”

“I want you to say that you hate when I sleep with other people.” Jaemin confesses all too wildly as his hand lightly squeezes around your wrist. “And I want you to mean it.” He’s only speaking words of truth that haven’t had the time to process in his own thoughts.

“I hate when you sleep with other people.” And you do mean it. You mean it more than anything you’ve ever said to this man. Jaemin just sighs, bringing your wrist to his lips for a lasting kiss.

“Can I drive you home?” Jaemin asks softly, eyes dipping down to the leather seats and avoiding all need for eye contact.

“Yes, Jaemin.” He pulls you back into the passenger seat and drapes the soft blanket over your exposed legs. “Hopefully, I still have time to take my quiz.”

“Can I come inside?” Jaemin coolly turns his marble wheel to reverse out of the parking space, a hand resting on the shoulder of your seat as he does a double take behind him for any pedestrians, even if you two are far out in the middle of nowhere and there isn’t anyone around; Jaemin knows you have the hots for him when he does that specific move.

“What do you mean? You’ve already cum inside.”

It’s the sound of disappointment as his tongue tsks at you and he flicks lightly at your forehead. He steps on the acceleration, revving the annoying engine that roars throughout the peaceful night. The multicolored lights illuminate around his stereo and at your feet, creating the Rainbow Road right out of Mario Kart. 

Jaemin isn’t like the others who pay close attention to the details of his car. His motto goes, “if I like it, I’m going to have it.” Whether or not anything matches goes beyond his worries.

In some ways, his car is a mirror of his own personality --- wild and free, colorful and welcoming. And his skills as a driver? Safe, no matter how far the speedometer goes, Jaemin always makes you feel safe.

“I mean come inside your room for aftercare. You know how much I hate leaving you without a proper cuddle.” He pouts and almost immediately his cute baby tone comes out with his beg. Almost subconsciously, Jaemin lays his right palm open facing up to invite yours in. Almost routinely, you lace your hands to complete his hold. Getting Jaemin to smile has never been easier as his hold grows tighter.

“You can’t stay over tonight though. My housemates are doing some Single Girls Only house event tomorrow and it starts immediately when we wake up.” You laugh as the ridiculous words fill the air.

“And you’re participating in that?” Jaemin mindlessly asks and you’re unable to differentiate his implications from the question. Is he asking because the idea is horrendously nothing you’d like to do or he’s implying that you’re not single?

“Why wouldn’t I?” Sounding rather harsher than intended, Jaemin finally realizes how poorly he had worded his previous question. Yet, a part of him feels disappointment whirling in his chest and a desire to feel wanted by you.

“Doesn’t seem like something you’d like: wallowing in your singleness.” He chuckles, remaining lighthearted and playful.

“I really don’t.” Jaemin brings your knuckles up to his lips for a lingering kiss, his eyes darting quickly on the road ahead now that you’ve entered the metropolitan areas and his speed drops significantly to avoid getting ticketed.

“I’ll come pick you up. Instead of being single tomorrow, you’ll be on a date.” When you turn to examine his facial expression, the serious tension in his jawline and focused eyes alarm you. Your stomach twists into knots and if he couldn't already tell, your palms grow sweaty at his offer.

“That’s such a slap in the face to them.” Pulling your hand away from his, you cross your arms and lean your head against the cold window. “I don’t think I can do that to them.”

“I have a race tomorrow.” He starts, his head tilting over at you with his round gorgeous begging eyes, “at least, come to that with me.”

“Okay, but only because I want to see Haechan.” As if it wasn’t moments ago, Jaemin was the one balls deep in you and now you’re spewing enthusiasm for another man. It’s all a joke, a way for you to conceal your undying attraction for Jaemin.

You still remember the first time you met the sunshine that is Haechan and the jealousy that seeped from Jaemin’s words when he noticed the exchange of flirtation. Haechan is someone you’d knowingly gravitate towards: a man with a loud personality that just knows how to conduct every personality in the room. And at that moment, Jaemin couldn’t tell if being more observant was a good or bad thing.

Jaemin never saw himself as outgoing as his other friends, staying more kept in his own circle, but he had the confidence to fake it. He’s bold, rather impulsive and slightly narcissistic, Jaemin knows how to use his strengths very well. 

However, when he saw the soft smirk on Haechan’s face and your shy mannerisms, a small tinge in his chest ignited a died out flame. He didn’t realize it before, but that was the very start of his long tumble of feelings for you.

“Do you say those things to purposefully get me jealous?” Jaemin rests his hand on your thigh, giving it a harsh squeeze. His eyes never leave the road and his tone reverts back to his dominant tone.

“Well, are you jealous?” It’s like you two dance in circles, answer questions with a question does not stop.

And as bratty as your tone is, you don’t expect the quick “yes” that answers back and the smoldering look he gives you briefly before focusing back on the drive.

“Then good.” You huff, ready to hop out of the car after the odd, yet sensual tension. Jaemin pulls up to your house and double parks the car to lean in for a nightly goodbye kiss.

“You’re not coming in?” You try to read his facial expressions, but he hides his emotions too perfectly.

His lips curl into a smile before saying, “I think it’s better I cool off tonight.” And you mindlessly give him a peck, but he holds your face to deepen it. Through the kiss, you can feel the neediness by the way Jaemin shoves his tongue into your mouth. The taste of lust against your palette is difficult to ignore, but your academically responsible mind screams at you about your forgotten quiz.

Your hand lightly taps at his chest and he pulls away, his eyes drinking up your swollen lips. “I have a quiz, Jaemin.”

“I know, sorry. It’s just so easy to get lost in you.” Jaemin kisses your cheek once more before you exit. You smile back at him as his words have grown a strong effect on you lately. Bidding him goodbye, he wishes you sweet dreams as he patiently makes sure you’re fully inside your house.

“Is the music too loud?” Jaemin checks over at your hunched figure in the passenger seat. You’re diligently flipping through your thick textbook, a yellow highlighter in one hand and the other comfortably holding Jaemin’s.

The worst part of college is the never ending midterms that are given at any time. Studying in his car isn’t a rare sight, if anything it is more expected than you not doing anything related to your academics. But Jaemin genuinely doesn’t mind, even being mindful about his own actions to ensure an optimal studying space for you.

He really is an ideal guy. Like his first promise, he keeps you well fed and never once asks you for any monetary pay back. Jaemin adjusts the car temperature before you even step into the vehicle, knowing that you prefer wearing less clothes rather than more. Though he isn’t academically responsible, he still makes the effort to try and understand enough information to pass his classes.

The sole flaw would be the lack of open communication. It’s genuinely difficult for you to read his emotions or intentions. Jaemin always has a dazed look in his eyes whenever he looks at you, and it’s an internal fight about whether or not you’re being delusional.

“Music is fine, honey.” The mindless use of a pet name slips from your lips, but your concentration on neoliberalism and globalization doesn’t allow for you to notice.

Nevertheless, Jaemin catches on immediately to the usage. While he showers you in ridiculous nicknames, you’re not one to do so. “Honey?”

“Yes?” You answer back carelessly, not entirely actively listening to him as you highlight an important concept in your book.

“No, you called me honey.”

Looking up from your page, you blink at him with wide eyes and mouth slightly agape. “I did?”

Jaemin chuckles and finally pulls into the overly crowded parking lot, a whole mass of fanboys cheering at the arrival of his flashy vehicle. Everyone just loves Jaemin.

This familiar scene plays like a reel --- several high beams cast light under the dark sky due to the lack of functioning street lamps, dizzy multicolored cars that blaze the tracks, and the all too distinct smell of musky cologne in the chilly air. Oh, and the wide eye admirable stares when you get out of the car.

“Hi, you’re stunning.” A bold new recruit blinks at you in complete awe and awkwardly clears his throat once he realizes his rash comment.

Jaemin raises an eyebrow at him, then at how you plan on handling the situation. You’re flattered, nonetheless, but know that Jaemin didn’t bring you here to flirt with other men. “Thank you. I hope you enjoy your membership in the Ridin’ Club.”

The gracefulness in your delicate voice has the youthful recruit swooning and subtly giddy as he runs off to join a group of others that have been eying you across the parking lot. Jaemin casually drapes his leather jacket over your exposed shoulders, knowing the temperature change is going to result in you most likely catching a cold and because you never bring a jacket despite his plea.

“The power you hold.” Jaemin winks at you before pulling you into a larger crowd to socialize with more impressionable recruits.

“Ah, so you’re (Y/N)!” The stranger is unrecognizable, but you giggle to acknowledge his confident statement. “We haven’t met before, but Jaemin was talking about you the other night at our motorcycle meet.”

Your eyes light up, as if you’ve unlocked a new fun fact of Na Jaemin. “You drive a motorcycle too?” You’re truly shocked at the talent of this man.

Jaemin snakes his arm around your lower waist to draw you closer to his side. “Yeah, but I can’t fuck you in a motorcycle, can I?”

Before the other men can comment on the obvious sexual tension that Jaemin created, he leans in to whisper into your ear. “Actually, I can, but we’ll save our decency from unwanted exposure.” His hot breath grazes against the shell of your ear and you just know where you two are going to end up tonight.

“Bro, you guys probably fuck in the backseat of his car.” One of them chimes recklessly, punching at each others’ chest playfully as if he made a decent joke.

“Why don’t you stay to find out?” Jaemin retorts and the grip on your hip becomes tighter. You’re too flustered to add much into this odd form of competitive banter, distracted by none other than the way Jaemin keeps glancing over at you with a delicious gleam in his eyes.

“So what? You don’t care about us now?” You’d know that bratty tone from anywhere as Lee Haechan pushes past everyone else to rush over to the both of you.

“Aw, are your feelings hurt?” Jaemin sticks his tongue out at his friend before cordially sharing a handshake with him.

“Just slightly.” Haechan looks over at you with a wide grin and playful eyes, “hello, my pretty girl.”

“Drop the possessives, Haechan.” Jaemin rolls his eyes with an irritable twitch on his lips.

He hates how obviously jealous he gets. It’s something too difficult for himself to control, he’s exhausted his efforts to bite his tongue whenever it comes to other people’s flirtations. The thought of someone else calling you theirs doesn’t sit well with him.

“I understand your jealousy, Jaem. If someone was flirting with (Y/N), I wouldn’t be able to stand it either.” Haechan fixes the falling jacket on your shoulders. “But she can handle herself, I know those pretty lips have a mind of their own.” His gaze drops momentarily, yet obvious enough for you to grow shy at how strong Haechan is coming off tonight.

“Stop trying to corrupt her, that’s my job.” Jaemin playfully pushes at Haechan’s chest and they both break out laughing.

“I haven’t said one thing and you’re both talking about me as if I’m not here.” Your small pout is literally the cutest thing to Jaemin. He physically has to stop himself from planting the sweetest kiss on it.

It’s blatantly clear that you’re hot stuff. You’re the perfect example of a head turner, your captivating aura has its ability to suffocate those around you. However, Jaemin has seen all sides of you, but overall finding you so entirely cute. And oddly enough, Jaemin has a knack for cute things.

“Is that (Y/N) I hear?” Huang Renjun engulfs you in a hug, showing clear affection and doesn’t mind doing so. “How did your project go?”

“It went well. You accomplish a lot when you don’t procrastinate.” Renjun gleams at your statement and if Jaemin is delusional enough, he’d probably mistaken the twinkle in his eyes for infatuation instead of admiration.

“You’re so responsible, why are you messing with Jaemin?” Renjun sighs and though his question is more of a joke, there is some truth behind his words.

Your friendship with his friends differ immensely compared to other girls who have come around. Like Jaemin had said before, his boys were going to like you and they do, a lot. Sometimes making it obvious that you’re too good for him.

Jeno comes up from the side, an unidentifiable bruise on his neck and a new cut on his brow. Lee Jeno being such a rough character, his appearance speaks well about how his day has been.

But when he lays his eyes on you, it’s as if all his pain is replaced with joy and security. “(Y/N)! I haven’t seen you in so long!” The enthusiastic boy rushes over to greet you with a warm smile.

“I’m pretty sure I was here a week ago.” You laugh, but welcome him in your arms for a tender friendly hug and pat his head out of habit.

“It’s been a week?! That’s so long.” Jeno narrows his eyes at Jaemin and flicks his forehead.

“Ow!” Jaemin exclaims while rubbing the pain away. “You act like she doesn’t go to the same school as us and therefore, can see her any time you want to.” The tone in Jaemin’s voice raises some eyebrows as they all exchange glances to each other before bursting into laughter.

“Like your jealous ass would allow for that?” Haechan remarks and Jaemin doesn’t outwardly react. However, Jaemin’s hand is squeezing you so tight that you’re more than certain he’s bothered by the comment.

“Oh, stop it. You all know I’m Team Jaemin. He does have the most wins this past month.” You only know that through Jaemin’s proud boasting, anything else in the racing world is unknown to you.

Jaemin situates you in between his legs as he slightly sits on the hood of his car. His arms wrap around your middle and chin rests on your shoulder. Public display of affection isn’t a problem for him, and you learned much earlier that Jaemin can’t keep his hands off of you.

Renjun scoffs at your whimsical fact, in absolute disbelief. “It hurts more hearing you say it. I’m getting my car upgraded, but once it’s done, I’m going to blaze his ass on the tracks.”

“Are you racing today?” Jeno asks the blue haired fellow that clings onto you like a koala.

“Yeah, against a newbie. Apparently he’s really good, so I’m not too sure I’ll win.” Jaemin mumbles into your hair.

“You say that every time, yet you win!” Renjun crosses his arms, weight shifting to his left leg as he pops his hip out. There is always a sense of competition between anyone with Renjun.

Jaemin perks up behind you and when you turn around in his arms, you’re face to face with a beaming smile. “That’s because I have you.” Eyes lock with yours, he isn’t saying that directed to Renjun. Na Jaemin has you wrapped around his pinky, the butterflies fluttering in your stomach are too hard to ignore.

“Alright, lovebirds. Get in your car and let’s start this shit.” Haechan groans and claps his hands to draw the crowd’s attention. Cupping them around his mouth, he roars into the starry night, “let’s roll!”

During the race, Jaemin’s number one priority is to keep you safe. While you’ve sat in his car for a number of times now, it’s different once the loud bang goes off and he’s hitting 100 mph. Tonight’s track is much more dangerous, with twists and turns that can have the vehicle flying weightlessly if he’s not careful.

“You trust me, right?” Jaemin has both hands on the wheel and the engine rumbling as you both anticipate the start of the race.

Spectators watch on the sidelines as if it’s the ultimate battle, but Jaemin doesn’t pay them much mind. He’s more concerned about you instead. “Of course. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. You’ve proven yourself that you’re an excellent driver, so let’s win this.”

Jaemin smirks at your encouraging words, feeling a warmth spread across his chest. “I’ll tap out any time you want me to, okay?”

You nod and the initial whip of the car is so intense that you didn’t even register the sound off. It’s not your first race, but it’s been awhile since the last one. When you adjust to the pressure, the lanes in front of you cause a slight queasiness in your stomach.

It’s a two lane windy road that wraps around the mountain side and Jaemin happens to be in the outer lane. All it takes is a second of lost control and you two will hit the metal railings that guard the cliff below. Despite your inner panic, Jaemin guides you through the pooling anxiety that leaves you restless.

“(Y/N), look up and out the window. We’re coming up on the cliff side view, I’ve always wanted to bring you here.” Your eyes land on the dazzling glitter that dances on the ripples of the lake. It’s so vast, the moon high up in the sky is reflected on the water below. It’s a romantic scene of melancholy and bliss. Suddenly, you feel at peace in the middle of this high speed race.

“It’s beautiful, Jaem.” You whisper calmly and he’d reach for your hand to hold, but races take too much wheel control. And he’d turn to look at you, but races take too much concentration on the road ahead.

But throughout every obstacle, he hears the gentleness and the solidarity in your cadence in the midst of all the high stress. He, too, feels peace. He feels calm knowing that you’re simply by his side, even in the face of danger. So, he can finally admit to himself… he genuinely developed feelings for you.

Before you know it, you’re thrusted side to side from the sharp turns and the adrenaline kicks in when the other racer catches up right next to Jaemin. “Fuck,” Jaemin curses underneath his breath and steps harshly on the acceleration. “Baby, I’m going to go a bit faster so hold onto something.” He warns and your hand finds the grab handle. It’s neck and neck at this point.

Usually, you squeeze your eyes shut to avoid becoming too overwhelmed by the sights in front of you. Tonight is different, not entirely knowing why, you’re observing every element that circles around the perimeter.

The finish line is up ahead, but there is no sign that the other racer is slowing down. Then, you see it: the fatal mistake that can cost you both of your lives if you didn’t catch it. “Jaemin, watch out!” You yelp when the other car inches dangerously close, your warning allows Jaemin to make a controlled swerve away from a possible hit.

Jaemin shakes his head and tsks at the recklessness. “Now I know why he’s good. It’s foul play.” He blows his bang out of his eyes and casually says, “thank you for warning me. This is why I need you by my side.”

He makes it to the finish line barely before the other, winning the race by half a second. Jaemin brakes smoothly, tire marks scrapping the concrete below, and you both exit the car to celebrate with everyone else.

But before the mass of eager shouting men make their way over to you two, Jaemin hurries to your side to pull you into a steamy, rewarding kiss. The scene is just like the movies; his hand on your lower back and yours on his chest lightly. His lips taste like triumph, like he had won more than just a simple race against a random stranger. He’s won the best person he could ever have.

You two fled the scene after cussing out the other racer. It was a rare sight to see: Jaemin being all bothered and angry, practically fuming after scrambling back into the driver’s seat. However, your mind had mischievous plans of its own and all it took was one look from his hooded eyes for you to announce that you wanted him --- badly.

Back in your usual abandoned parking lot, Jaemin pauses before following you to the back seats. With the engine off and the dead of the night being absolute silent, the tension remains thick around you two. “(Y/N),” Jaemin is about to confess something he never thought he’d admit. He turns to you sitting in the middle seat with just your panties on and a curious look on your face.

His heart burns and despite being so incredibly aroused, he controls his urges enough to be able to say, “I’m into you.”

“I know you’re into me, that’s how we ended up like this in the first place.” You giggle cluelessly to his words, still not understanding the odd shift in mood and intentions. It’s always his unclear, messy intentions.

Though he can’t entirely figure out his puzzle pieces, he has plenty to connect the dots. “I like you. I want to be in a relationship with you and call you my girlfriend.”

You’re stunned. Did Jaemin just confess to you as you sit in your panties ready to fuck? This softness is different from the sides you’ve seen of him. It’s similar to a lost bunny, wandering grasslands to find a purpose. He looks so fragile, one intense stare and he’d crumble. This softness is vulnerability.

“So do it.” The boldness catches him off guard, but switches on the dominance in him. “If you want me, come show it.”

He climbs over the middle console to push you into the leather seats. “Not acting shy anymore, are you?” Practically ripping your shirt off of you, he cups your breast lightly and flicks at your nipples. Your immediate reaction results in a rush of wetness down your core.

“Before I forget,” sitting up, you share a passionate kiss that you’ve held back long enough. You give it every ounce of feeling you have for him. “If it isn’t obvious enough, I like you too.”

“It’s obvious, baby.” Kissing your nose, he wraps a hand around your throat to lightly push you back down. “But hearing you say it out loud makes me happy.” Jaemin smirks, hand still choking you gently and pampering your jawline with soft kisses.

His free hand reaches down into your dripping panties, circling your clit with your wetness. The sensation causes you to whimper for more. “Daddy, give it to me.” You wiggle in his palm, knowing that the nickname is more than effective.

“My sweet (Y/N) wants to get fucked?” Jaemin rolls your underwear off and rids himself of his own bottoms.

“Yes, please.” Through the darkness, his hard dick stands proudly. Jaemin lines himself up as he thrusts into you without another second of hesitation. He waits for you to adjust to his size, his tip barely grazing your sweet spot. “Fuck…”

“You take me so well, my pretty baby.” Jaemin starts moving his hips, slowly at first to build a rhythm. Taking your legs, he presses them into your chest to fuck you at a deeper angle. And you feel him practically in your guts, his cock pumping against your walls deliciously and bumping into your g-spot. “Do you want more of me?”

Your train of thought is in utter shambles and whatever Jaemin is saying to you barely processes. You’re overwhelmed by a pleasure that fills every system, every part of your body. To answer him, you let out an incoherent noise of approval.

Jaemin pulls your hips down while thrusting forward into you, maximizing every inch of his strokes. This single action causes you to scream and grip onto the headrest. “Who knew my sweet girl could be so fucking dirty?” Jaemin chuckles darkly, his cadence dropping several decibels. “When I first met you, I wanted to ruin you.”

All of his filthy words edge you closer to your release as he continues to repeat his previous motion. He holds your hips in place to grind into you, the feeling of his tip rubbing your walls has your eyes rolling back. “Do you want to cum, (Y/N)?”

“Yes!” You yell, the tight ball in your lower abdomen is bound to break any minute. “I want to cum so badly, please.” You beg and moan, the arch in your back lifts you from the seat of the car. Jaemin snaps his hips into you, drilling you quickly to reach your high. And you break. An euphoric cry fills the air as your walls clench around his length. You hear the extra wetness create a slick noise, but Jaemin isn’t done with you yet.

“You wanted to cum so fucking badly. I’ll reward you with one more for being such a good girl for me.” His thumb flicks at your clit and you convulse into spasms from the sensitivity. Your violently shaking legs can’t hold themselves up anymore and Jaemin rests them on his shoulders. He lines kisses along your ankle as the pleasure overtakes you.

“I don’t think I can do it.” You whine, your fingers twisting and toes curling.

“You are going to try, okay baby?” He coos, but it’s most definitely a demand. He sits back on his knees to pick up more speed, fucking endlessly into your swollen pussy and thumb rubbing fast strips against your bud.

“I’m going to snap, Jaem.” You cry, tears rimming your eyes and before you know it, a second wave hits you. Your second orgasm is ruinous and has you squirming around to regain some sense of control.

“Oh fuck, you’re so beautiful.” Jaemin slows down as your walls grip around him again, tighter this time. “I’m going to fill you up with cum,--- watch it drip out of you.” He grunts while releasing into you, his dick twitching and spraying your insides with white.

He pulls out as hot, white cum spills from your pussy. You take this moment to catch your breath and relax your legs. However, Jaemin coats his two fingers and shoves the cum back into you. “Jaemin!” You exclaim at the sudden intrusion.

He curls them into your plushy walls and finger fucks you into another oblivion. “Wait, again?” Your hands wrap around his wrist, but Jaemin moves too fast for you to catch it.

You’re a moaning mess again, louder than before. Jaemin leans down and flicks his tongue against your overstimulated bundle of nerves. Your back arches automatically and a low animalistic scream rises from your throat.

He observes your body lines underneath the moonlight and the last remaining light the broken street lamps have to offer. Your face contours and you’re so far out into ecstasy that you don’t notice how intensely Jaemin watches you lose yourself.

“It feels too good!” With one last thrilling orgasm, you almost pass out and you see small stars of dizziness. He soaks up every last bit of your cathartic reaction and festers a small sense of pride that he can make you feel all this pleasure.

“Such a good girl. You’re beyond impressive, baby.” Jaemin pulls his fingers out to lick them clean and finds some wipes to help you out of your sticky situation.  

“Now that you’re my girlfriend, can we cuddle at any time now? Not just as after care.” He peers up at you and the one word enacts a burning warmth to spread across your chest. That is the best nickname he can call you by.

“I think the Singles Girls Only house event is still going on, but after that, yes a million times.” You laugh and wrap your arms around him into a big loving hug.

Jaemin feels right at home. All the long years of living carelessly and wild, he’s finally found someone worth the extra mile. While Jaemin was a thriving adventure to be explored, you were his comfort to run back to.

It is through the intimacy of your backseat chronicles that Jaemin was able to fall deeper for you. You’re his lucky charm, for some reason, he always feels better around you. 

[pumpkinpaix]

Pleeeeeeease get into the class one at some point because I very much want to understand the class dynamics happening in the story but I have yet to find a meta that dives into it

god anon you want me dead don’t you alsjdfljks

referring to this post

okay, so -- my specific salt about class interpretations in mdzs are very targeted. I can’t pretend to have a deep understanding of how class works in mdzs generally because uhhhhh yeah i don’t think i have that. i’m just not familiar enough with the genre and/or the particulars of chinese class systems. but! i can talk in general terms as to why I feel a certain way about the class dynamics that I do think I understand and how I think they relate to the themes of the novel! i’m gonna talk about wei wuxian, the daozhangs, xue yang, and 3zun with, I’m sure, a bunch of digressions along the way.

the usual disclaimers: i do not think you are a bad person if you hold opinions contrary to my own. i may disagree with you very strongly, but like. this isn’t a moral judgment, fandom is transformative and interpretive etc. etc. and i may change my mind. who knows what the future will bring!

OKAY so let’s begin!

here’s the thing about wei wuxian: he’s not poor. I think because characters use “son of a servant” kind of often when they’re trying to insult him, a lot of people latch onto that and think that it’s a much stronger indication of his societal status than it actually is. iirc, most of the insults that fall along the “son of a servant” line come after wei wuxian starts breaking severely from tradition. it’s a convenient thing to attack him for, but doesn’t actually indicate anything about his wealth. (exception: yu ziyuan, but that’s a personal familial issue) this is in direct contrast to jin guangyao who is constantly mocked for his family line, publicly and privately, no matter what he does.

so this, coupled with all the jokes about wwx never having any money (wei wuqian, sizhui’s “i’ve long since known you had no money” etc.), plus his like, rough years on the street as a child ends up producing this interpretation of wei wuxian, especially in modern aus, as someone who is very class conscious and “eat the rich”. but the fact of the matter is, wei wuxian IS rich. aside from the years in his childhood and the last two years of his life in yiling, like -- wei wuxian had money and status. he is gentry. he is respected as gentry. he is treated as a son by the sect leader of yunmeng jiang -- he does not have the jiang name, but it is so very clear that jiang fengmian favors him. wei wuxian is ranked fourth of all the eligible young masters in the cultivation world -- that is not a ranking he could have attained without being accepted into the upper class.

wei wuxian’s poverty does not affect him in the way that it affects jin guangyao or xue yang. he is of low-ish birth (still the son of jiang fengmian’s right hand man though! ok sure, “son of a servant” but like. >_> whatever anyways), but for most of his life he had money. he, jiang cheng, and their sect brothers go into town and steal lotus pods with the understanding that “jiang-shushu will pay for it”. this is a regular thing! that’s fucking rich kid behavior!!! wei wuxian is careless with money because he doesn’t have to worry about it. he still has almost all the benefits of being upper class: education, food security, respect, recognition etc. I think there may also be a misconception that wei wuxian was always on the verge of being kicked out by yu ziyuan, or that he was constantly walking on eggshells around her for fear of being disowned, but that is just textually untrue. i could provide receipts, but I admittedly don’t really feel like digging them up just now ;;

even in his last years in yiling, he was not the one who was dealing with the acute knowledge of poverty: wen qing is the one managing the money, and as far as we know, wei wuxian did little to no management of daily life during the burial mounds days -- mostly, he’s described as hiding in his cave for days on end, working on his inventions, running around like a force of chaos, frivolously making a mess of things -- it’s very very cute that he buries a’yuan in the dirt, but in classic wei wuxian fashion, he did Not think about the practical consequences of it -- that A’Yuan has no other clean clothes, and now he’s gotten this set dirty and has no intention of washing them. is this a personality thing? yeah, but I think it’s also indicative of his lack of concern over the logistics of everyday survival, re: wealth.

furthermore, i think it is important to remember that wei wuxian, when he is protecting the wen remnants, is not protecting common folk: he is still protecting gentry. fallen gentry, yes! but gentry nonetheless. wen qing was favored by wen ruohan, and wen ning himself says that he has a retinue of people under his command (the remnants, essentially). their branch of the family do not have the experience of living and growing in poverty -- they are impoverished and persecuted in their last years, but that’s a very different thing from being impoverished your whole life. (sidenote: I do not believe wei wuxian’s primary motivation for defending the wen remnants was justice -- i believe he did it because he felt he owed wen ning and wen qing a life debt, and once he was there, he wasn’t going to stand around and let the work camps go on. yes, he is concerned about justice and doing the right thing, but that’s not why he went in the first place. anyways, that’s another meta)

after wei wuxian returns, he then marries back into gentry, and very wealthy gentry at that. lwj provides him all the money he could ever want, he is never worried about going homeless, starving, being denied opportunities based on his class and accompanying disadvantages. who would dare? and neither wei wuxian nor lan wangji seem to have much interest in shaking up the order of things, except in little things like the way they teach the juniors. they live in gusu, under the auspices of the lan, and they live a happy, domestic life.

were his years on the street traumatizing? yes, of course they were, there’s so much delicious character exploration to be done re: wei wuxian’s relationship to food, his relationship to his own needs, and his relationship to the people he loves. it’s all important and good! but I feel very strongly that that experience, while it was formative for him, did not impart any true understanding of poverty and the common person’s everyday struggles, nor do I think he ever really gains that understanding. he is observant and canny and aware of class and blood, certainly, but not in a way that makes it his primary hill to die on (badum-tss).

this is in very stark contrast to characters like jin guangyao and xue yang, and to some extent, xiao xingchen and song lan. I’ll start with the daozhangs, because I think they’re the simplest (??).

I think both xiao xingchen and song lan have class consciousness, but in a very simplified, broad-strokes kind of way (at least, given the information we know about them). we know that the two of them share similar values and want to one day form their own sect that gives no weight to the nobility of your lineage and has no concern with your wealth. we also know that they both disdain intersect politics and are more concerned with ideals and principles rather than status. but, I think because of that, this actually somewhat limits their perception and understanding of how status is used to oppress. as far as we know, neither of them participated on any side in sunshot and they demonstrate much more interest in relating to the commoners. honestly, i hc that they were flitting around trying to help decimated towns, protecting defenseless villages etc. I ALSO think this has a lot of interesting potential in terms of xiao xingchen and wei wuxian’s relationship, if xiao xingchen is ever revived. regardless of whether you’re in CQL or novel verse, xiao xingchen really doesn’t know wei wuxian at all, other than knowing that he’s his shijie’s son. he knows that cangse-sanren met with a tragic end, like yanling-daoren before her, and that he wants to be different. but here is cangse-sanren’s son, laying waste to entire cities, desecrating the dead. I would very much like to get into xiao xingchen’s head during that period of time (and i think, if i do it right, i can write some of it into the songxiao fixit), but that’s neither here nor there, because i’ve wandered off from my point again.

i would posit that song lan is used to an ascetic lifestyle, and xiao xingchen probably is too -- but that’s different from poverty because there’s an element of choice to it. I also think that neither of them is particularly worldly, xiao xingchen especially. he lived on an isolated mountain until he was like, seventeen, and he came down full of ideals and naivete about how the world worked. I think that both of them see inequality, that they are angered by it, and that they want to do something about it -- but their solution is neither to topple the sects, nor is it to reform the system. rather, it seems to be more about withdrawing and creating their own removed world. I think that the daozhangs embody a kind of utopianism that isn’t present in the minds of any of the other characters, not even wangxian. honestly, baoshan-sanren’s mountain is a utopian ideal, but one that is not described. it exists outside of and beyond the world. i have a lot of jumbled, vague thoughts about utopianism generally, mostly informed by china miéville and ursula k. le guin, and I don’t think i have the ability to articulate them here, but i wanted to. hm. say something? there is something about the inherent dystopianism contained within every utopia, that utopias are necessary, but also reflections of the existence of terrible things in their conception. idk. there’s something in there, I know it!! but i suppose what I want to say is -- i do not think the daozhangs understand class and social hierarchy very deeply because they don’t see a need to examine it deeply. for their goals, the details aren’t the point. they’re not looking to reform within the system, they’re looking to build something outside of it. I think they spend a lot of time concerned with alleviating the symptoms of social oppression, and their values reflect the injustices they witness there.

regardless, even if their story ends in tragedy and there is a certain amount of critique re: the utopian approach, i think the text still emphasizes that xiao xingchen left a utopia and that he thought that people mattered enough for him to try, and that was an incredibly honorable, kind, and human thing to do.

YEAH SURE THE DAOZHANGS ARE THE SIMPLEST ok ok RETURNING to class and moving forward: xue yang.

i also don’t think xue yang has class consciousness lol, or not in any way that really matters, but I do think poverty impacted him in a much stronger way than it impacted wei wuxian. wei wuxian spent some years on the street as a child. xue yang grew up on the streets. chang ci’an’s horrific treatment of him was directly due to his class and social standing: chang ci’an is a nobleman and xue yang is not even worth the dirt beneath the wheels of his cart. what I think is the seminal point though, is that this does not make xue yang think particularly deeply about systemic injustice, because xue yang is so self-centered, self-driven, and individualistic. he is not even slightly concerned about how poverty and class might affect other people -- they’re other people. what he takes away from his experience is not an anger at being wrongfully cheated by a system, but an anger at being wrongfully cheated by a specific man.

xue yang is not particularly concerned with the politics of the aristocracy -- he has no obvious ambitions other than, “i want to eat sweets whenever i please”, “i want to hurt anyone who wrongs me”, and “i want to be so strong that no one can hurt me”. like, he just doesn’t care -- it’s not the kind of power he wants. he sneers at people for like, personal reasons, not class reasons -- “you think you’re better than me” re: xiao xingchen and song lan. to him, all people -- poor, wealthy, noble, common -- are essentially equal, and they are all beneath him. after all, what does he care what family someone comes from, how much money they have? everyone bleeds when you cut them. some of them might be harder to get to than others, but xue yang does not fear that sort of thing. it’s just another obstacle he needs to vault on his way to getting revenge and/or a pastry.

ANYWAYS onto jin guangyao (wow this is hm. getting rather long ahaha oh dear): I would argue that the two characters with the most acute understanding of class/societal politics and the injustice of them are jin guangyao and lan xichen. i’ll start with jin guangyao for obvious reasons.

where xue yang took the damaging effects of poverty as personal slights, I think jin guangyao is painfully aware that there is nothing personal about them, which is, in some ways, much worse. why are two sons, born on the same day to the same father, treated so differently? just because.

he watched his mother struggle and starve and work herself to the bone in a profession where she was constantly disrespected and abused for almost nothing in return, while his father could have lifted her out of poverty with the wave of a finger. why didn’t he? because he didn’t like her? no -- because he didn’t care, and the structures of the society they live in protect that kind of blase treatment of the lower class.

“so my mother couldn’t choose her own fate, is that her fault?” jin guangyao demands. he knows that he is unbelievably talented, that he has ambition, that he has potential, and that all of it is beyond his grasp just because his father didn’t want to bother with it. his mother’s life was destroyed, and his own opportunities were crippled with that negligence. it isn’t personal. that’s just the way things are. your individual identity is meaningless, your humanity does not exist. when he’s kicked down the steps of jinlin tai, it’s just more confirmation that no matter how talented or hardworking he is, no one will give him the time of day unless he finds a way to take it himself and become someone who “matters”.

jin guangyao’s cultivation is weak because he had a poor foundation, and he had a poor foundation because he was denied access to a good one. he copies others because that’s all he can do at this point, and he copies so well that he can hold his own against some of the strongest cultivators of his generation. he’s disparaged for copying and “stealing” techniques, but -- he never would have had to if only he had been born/accepted into the upper class. the fact is that i really do think jin guangyao was the most promising cultivator of his generation that we meet, including the twin jades and wei wuxian: he had natural talent, ambition, creativity, determination and cunning in spades. in some ways, I think that’s one of the overlooked tragedies of jin guangyao: the loss of not just the good man he could have been, but the powerful one too. imagine what he could have done.

jin guangyao spends his entire time in the world of the aristocracy feeling unsteady and terrified because he knows exactly how precarious his position is. he knows how easy it is to lose power, especially for someone like him. he’s working against so many disadvantages, and every scrap of honor he gets is a vicious battle. jin guangyao fears, and I think that’s something that’s lacking in xue yang, wei wuxian and the daozhangs’ experiences/understandings of poverty. i think it’s precisely that fear that emphasizes jin guangyao’s understanding of class and blood. jin guangyao exhibits an anxiety that neither wei wuxian nor xue yang do, and it’s because he truly knows how little he is worth in the eyes of society and how little there is he can do to change that. to me, it very much feels related to the anxiety of not knowing if tomorrow you’ll have something to eat, if tomorrow you’ll still have a home, if tomorrow someone will destroy you and never have to answer for it. it’s the anxiety of knowing helplessness intimately.

moreover, jin guangyao is the only person shown to use the wealth and power at his disposal to take concrete steps to actually help the common people typically ignored by the powerful -- the watchtowers. they’re described in chapter 42. it’s a system that is designed to cover remote areas that most cultivators are reluctant to go due to their inconvenience and the lack of means of the people who live there. the watchtowers assign cultivators to different posts, give aid to those previously forgotten, and if the people are too poor to pay what the cultivators demand, the lanling jin sect pays for it. jin guangyao worked on this for five years and burned a lot of bridges over it. people were strongly opposed to it, thinking that it was some kind of ploy for lanling jin’s personal benefit. but the thing is -- it worked. they were effective. people were helped.

i believe CQL frames the watchtowers as an allegory for a surveillance state/centralized control (i think?? it’s been a minute -- that’s the hazy impression i remember, something like a parallel to the wen supervisory offices?), but I personally don’t think that was the intent in the novel. the watchtowers are a public good. lanling jin doesn’t staff them with their own sect members -- they get nearby sects to staff them. it’s a warning network that they fund that’s supposed to benefit everyone, even those that everyone had considered expendable.

(did jin guangyao do terrible things to achieve this goal? yeah lol. it’s not confirmed, but his son sure did die... suspiciously...... at the hands of an outspoken critic of the watchtowers........ whom he then executed....... so like, maybe just a convenient coincidence for jin guangyao, two birds one stone, but. it seems. Unlikely.)

lan xichen is the only member of the gentry that ever shows serious compassion for and nuanced understanding of jin guangyao’s circumstances. lan xichen treats him as his equal regardless of jin guangyao’s current status -- even when he was meng yao, lan xichen treated him as a human being worthy of respect, as someone with great merits, as someone he would choose as a friend, but he did so knowing full well the delicate position meng yao occupied. this is in direct contrast to nie mingjue, who also believed that meng yao was worthy of respect as a human being, but was completely unable to comprehend the complexities of his circumstances and unwilling to grant him any grace. you know, the difference between “i acknowledge that your birth and status have had effects upon you, but I don’t think less of you for it” and “i don’t consider your birth and status at all when i interact with you because i think it is irrelevant” (“i don’t see color” anyone?)

to illustrate, from chapter 48:

大抵是觉得娼妓之子身上说不定也带着什么不干净的东西，这几名修士接过他双手奉上来的茶盏后，并不饮下，而是放到一边，还取出雪白的手巾，很难受似的，有意无意反复擦拭刚才碰过茶盏的手指。聂明玦并非细致之人，未曾注意到这种细节，魏无羡却用眼角余光扫到了这些。孟瑶视若未见，笑容不坠半分，继续奉茶。蓝曦臣接过茶盏之时，抬眸看他一眼，微笑道：“多谢。”

旋即低头饮了一口，这才继续与聂明玦交谈。旁的修士见了，有些不自在起来。

rough tl:

Probably because they believed that the son of a prostitute might also carry some unclean things upon his person, after these few cultivators took the teacups offered from [Meng Yao’s] two hands, they did not drink, but instead put them to one side, and furthermore brought out snow white handkerchiefs. Quite uncomfortably, and whether they were aware of it or not, they repeatedly wiped the fingers they had just used to touch the teacups. Nie Mingjue was not a detail-oriented person and never took note of such particulars, but Wei Wuxian caught these in the corner of his eye. Meng Yao appeared as if he had not seen, his smile unwavering in the slightest, and continued to serve tea. When Lan Xichen took the teacup, he glanced up at him and, smiling, said, “Thank you.”

He immediately dipped his head to take a sip, and only then continued to converse with Nie Mingjue. Seeing this, the nearby cultivators began to feel somewhat uneasy.

all right, since we’re in full cyan-rampaging-through-the-weeds mode at this point, i’m going to talk about how this is one of my favorite 3zun moments in the entire novel for characterization purposes because it really highlights how they all relate to one another, and to what degree each of them is aware of their own position in relation to the others and society as a whole.

1. nie mingjue, who is a forthright and blunt person, sets meng yao to serving tea and is done with it. he notices nothing wrong or inappropriate about the reactions of the people in the room because it’s not the sort of thing he considers important.

2. meng yao, knowing that his only avenue is to take it lying down with a smile, masks perfectly.

3. lan xichen, noticing all this, uses his own reputation to achieve two things at once: pointedly shame the other cultivators in attendance, and show meng yao that regardless of others’ opinions, he considers him an equal and does not endorse such behavior--and he does it while taking care that no fallout will come down on meng yao’s head.

is this yet another installment of cyan’s endless lxc defense thesis? why yes it is! no one is surprised! but this is my whole point: both meng yao and lan xichen understand the respective hierarchy and power dynamics within the room, while nie mingjue very much does not. this is not because nie mingjue is a bad person or because nie mingjue is stupid--it’s a combination of personality and upbringing. nie mingjue is straightforward and has no patience for such games. but then again, he can afford not to play because he was born into such a high position: that’s a privilege.

to break it down: meng yao knows that he is the lowest-ranked person in the room, sees the way people are subtly disrespecting him in full view of his general who is doing nothing about it. in some ways, this is good -- nie mingjue’s style of dealing with conflict is very direct and not at all suited to delicate political maneuvering. after all, the way he promoted meng yao was actually quite dangerous to meng yao: he essentially guaranteed that his men would bear meng yao a grudge and that their disrespect for him would only be compounded by their bitterness at being punished on his behalf. (it’s like, why often getting parents or teachers to intervene ineffectively in bullying can just be an incitement to more bullying -- same concept) meng yao’s reaction during that scene shows that he’s pretty painfully aware of this and is trying to defuse the situation to no avail. nie mingjue gives him a bootstrap speech (rip nie mingjue i love u so much but. sir) and then promotes him, which is pretty much the only saving grace of that entire exchange, for meng yao at least.

lan xichen, on the other hand, understands both that meng yao is the lowest-ranked person in the room and that any direct attempt to chastise the other cultivators in the room will only serve to hurt meng yao in the long run. he knows that if this were brought to nie mingjue’s attention, he would be outraged and not shy about it -- also bad for meng yao. so he uses what he has: his immaculate reputation. by acting contrary to the other cultivators’ behavior, he demonstrates that he finds their actions unacceptable but with the plausible deniability that it wasn’t directed at them, that this is just zewu-jun being his usual generous self. this means that the other cultivators have no one to blame but themselves, nothing to do but question their own actions. there is nowhere to cast off their discomfort. meng yao didn’t do anything. lan xichen didn’t do anything -- he just thanked meng yao and drank his tea, isn’t that what it’s there for? he doesn’t disrupt the peace, he doesn’t attack anyone and put them on the defensive, but he does make his position very clear.

i know this is a really small thing and i’m probably beating it to death, but I really think this shows just how cognizant lan xichen is of politics and emotional cause and effect in such situations. certainly, out of context I think the scene reads kind of cliche, but within the greater narrative of the story and within the arc of these characters specifically, I think it was a really smart scene to include. it also showcases lan xichen’s style of action: that he moves around and with a problematic situation as opposed to moving straight through.

not to be salty on main again, but this is why it’s very frustrating to me when I see people call lan xichen passive when he is anything but. his actions just don’t look like traditional “actions”, especially to an american audience. it’s easy to understand lan wangji and wei wuxian’s style of problem-solving: taking a stand, moving through, staying strong. lan xichen is juggling an inconceivable number of factors in any given situation, weighing his responsibilities in one role against those in another, and then trying to find the path through the thicket that will cause the least harm, both to himself and the thicket. lan wangji and wei wuxian are not particularly good at considering the far-reaching consequences of their actions -- again, not because they are bad people, but because of a combination of personality and upbringing. they’d just hack through the thicket, not thinking about the creatures that live in it. that is not a terrible thing! it isn’t. it’s a different way of approaching a problem, and it has different priorities. that’s okay. there are advantages and disadvantages on both sides, and where you come down is going to depend on your personal values.

okay we’ve spiraled far and away from my original point, but let’s circle back: i was talking about class.

I think it’s undeniable that class, birthright, fate etc. are some of the driving forces of thematic conflict in mdzs, and the way each character interacts with those forces reveals a lot about themselves and also about the larger themes of fate, chance, and what it means to be righteous and good and how that is and isn’t rewarded. a lot of the tragedy of mdzs (the tragedy that isn’t caused by direct aggression on the part of one group or another) stems from the injustices and slights that people suffered due to their lot in life. it isn’t fair. none of it is fair! we sympathize with jin guangyao because we recognize that what he suffered was unconscionable, even if we don’t excuse him. i sympathize A Lot with xue yang as well for similar reasons, though I understand that’s a harder sell. this is a story focused on the mistakes of an entrenched, aging gentry and the effects that those mistakes had on their children, and a lot of it has to do with prejudice based in class and birth status. whether the prejudice was the true reason or whether it was just a convenient excuse, the fact remains that the systems in place rewarded and protected the people in power who used it to cling to that power. mdzs is also a story of how the circumstances of one’s life can offer you impossible choices that you cannot abstain from, and it asks us to be compassionate to the people who made terrible choices in terrible times. it’s about the inherent complexity in all things! that sometimes, there are no good choices, and i don’t know, i’d like to think that people would show me compassion if I had to make the choices some of these characters did. not just wei wuxian, mind you, every single one of them. except jin guangshan because I Do Hate Him sorry. and i guess wen ruohan. i think that’s it.

good. GOD this is clocking in at //checks notes -- just over 5k. 8′D *stuffs some weeds into my mouth like the clown i am*

(ko-fi? :’D *lies down*)

[calpalirwin]

(Don’t) Leave Me in the Dark

Summary: When Bucky gets turned into the Winter Soldier, Steve has a plan for dragging his old friend out of the darkness: you.

A/N: Heavily inspired by Repeat by Luke Hemmings.

Word Count: 8.1k

And away, and away we go!

__

1943

Y/N’s eyes watched the crowd, flickering from person to person. Studying. Observing. And yes, maybe even ogling as her gaze locked in on two men in particular: a tall, strapping brunette in a sergeant’s uniform, and a scrawny blonde man with a stance designed to make him appear bigger than he actually was.

“You can do more than just look, you know,” a voice said in her ear, making her jump slightly.

“Stark,” she scolded with a soft giggle. “I’m working.”

“So am I. It’s called mixing business with pleasure. And there’s no harm in it. Especially when they look as good as that one.” Howard shot the woman a wink, jerking with his chin towards the soldier she couldn’t stop staring at. “A sergeant, too? A girl’s got taste.”

“I was actually looking at his friend,” Y/N half-lied.

Howard snorted, not believing the lie for a single second. “Oh really?”

She straightened her shoulders. “Yes, really. He’d be a perfect candidate.”

“You SHIELD agents are all the same. Always plotting and planning, and never enjoying,” he told you with a roll of his eyes. “Gentlemen!” he then called out loudly, grabbing the mens’ attention, the blonde pointing a finger at himself. “Yes, you two right there! Come take a gander at all that Stark Industries has to offer.”

Y/N’s eyes went wide as the men approached, and she could have killed Howard right then and there, but the men were growing closer, and oh! the brunette’s eyes were such a pretty shade of blue as they drank her in. “And would you be talking about the newest technology for the war, or the dames, Stark?” the soldier asked with a laugh, his stare still fixated on Y/N.

“She’s not one of mine,” Howard told him. “Which is unfortunate because Y/N is as smart as they come. Which is why SHIELD got their hands on her before I did.”

“SHIELD,” the blonde said. “That’s the government agency, yes?”

“That would be us, yes,” Y/N answered. “Interested in joining? We could use someone like you.”

“Really?” he questioned at the same time his friend let out a bark of laughter.

“Yes, really,” she said, ignoring the brunette. “If contributing to the war effort is something that’s important to you.”

“Oh, it’s important to both of us,” the sergeant told her.

“Yes, and it would seem that one of you has already managed to make their contribution, soldier,” she said, eyeing his uniform purposefully.

“It’s Sergeant,” he corrected. “Sergeant James B. Barnes, if you want specifics. But if you’re lucky, I’ll let you call me ‘Bucky’.”

“Y/N Y/L/N,” she provided in turn, shifting her attention back to blonde. “And you?”

“Steve. Steve Rogers.”

“Give SHIELD a call, Rogers. I promise it’ll be worth your while. Mention Operation Rebirth when you do.”

“Yes ma’am. Thank you,” Steve said with a smile.

“Of course. Gentlemen,” Y/N gave a small nod to both Howard and Steve before turning to Bucky. “Bucky. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” With that, she walked off leaving Steve happy with his hopeful opportunity to at long-last join the war effort, Howard shaking his head at her antics, and Bucky completely in over his head about her.

~~~

1944

Y/N frowned as she looked over the debriefing. “So not only does Hydra have it’s hands on the same serum we created, they also are using it on POWs? Essentially turning our own men against us? Is that what you’re telling me?” she demanded, her voice sharp as she waved the folder in her hand.

“Yes, ma’am,” the agent told her, nodding their head, eyes wide with fear.

She slammed the folder on her desk. “So who’s going in to get our men back?”

“N-no one ma’am. General said it’s too dangerous. Waste of resources.”

“Well you tell the General that he c-”

Her threat got cut off by a new voice. “What do you mean the 107th got captured a month ago?! Do we know where their location is?!”

The voice sounded vaguely familiar, but Y/N couldn’t quite place it. The voice that answered the man, however, she could place. “Yes, we have their location. However-” Peggy Carter spoke.

“However what?” the man asked. “You’re not staging a rescue mission? Those are our men!”

“You want me to tell the General what, ma’am?” the agent still standing in front of Y/N piped up awkwardly.

Y/N waved her hand at the agent in frustration. “You’re dismissed,” she told them before shouldering past and out the tent.

Sure enough, just outside the tent stood Peggy Carter and a tall blonde man, a wooden shield hanging off his arm. “Ah, Y/N,” Peggy smiled. “Might I introduce you to Captain America?”

Y/N looked up at the man, him both familiar and a stranger. He regarded her with the same look of confused recognition. “Steve,” he said, extending his hand to her. “Pleasure to meet you, Y/N.”

“Steve, Steve Rogers, Steve?” she asked, shaking his hand. “Scrawny kid from Brooklyn, Steve?”

Steve gave a slightly embarrassed chuckle. “The one and only.”

Y/N shot Peggy an excited look. “The serum worked?!”

“I knew your name seemed familiar!” Steve beamed, now understanding how he felt that he knew the woman. “Thanks for the recommendation.”

“I’m glad it worked!” Then, the excitement vanished as she remembered the folder in her hand. If their serum worked, then that meant… “Oh, no… Peggy, I need to talk to you. It’s urgent.”

Peggy raised an eyebrow in silent question, her eyes flickering to the folder. “Oh, yes. I wanted to talk to you about that as well.”

“They have our men. Why isn’t the General sending in a rescue squad?”

“Which men?” Steve asked.

Y/N opened the folder, running her finger down the document, rattling off a couple of squadrons, “... 107th Infantry Regiment…”

“That’s Bucky!” Steve interrupted. “That’s Bucky’s unit.”

“Your friend,” Y/N recalled. “The brunette who’s too good-looking for his own good?”

Steve spared a wry smile, “That’d be him.”

“Why isn’t the General sending in a rescue squad?” Y/N asked Peggy again. “Do you know how dangerous this could be? How much it compromises all the work we’ve done?”

“Yes, Y/N, I’m aware. The General however-”

“The General doesn’t know his left from his right!”

Peggy sighed. “He can’t spare the men.”

“So what do we do then?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. We’re getting a team of SHIELD agents to rescue the POWs at a known Hydra base nearby.”

“This nearby Hydra base that contains the 107th?” Steve asked.

“Yes,” both women told him.

“I want in.”

It took two weeks for the plan to come to fruition. Armed with volunteers hellbent on revenge and a handful of SHIELD agents, Steve led the group in infiltrating the Hydra base. It was a mission with two prongs. Prong one involved Steve and the soldiers locating the POWs and getting them out. Prong two involved the SHIELD agents destroying any and all progress Hydra was making with the serum.

Y/N and Peggy waited back at a basecamp they had set up closer to the Hydra base without drawing unwanted attention. “Oh, would you stop with the incessant tapping of your foot?” Peggy asked in an exasperated tone. “They’ll be back when they get back.”

“There’s too many unknowns,” Y/N answered, moving to picking at her fingernails.

“Mmm, and these nerves would have nothing to do about seeing Steve’s friend again, would they?”

“No…?” Y/N said slowly. “What does Steve’s friend have to do with any of this? Where’d you get that idea from?”

“Steve. He mentioned the story of you meeting the both of them in New York. Something about an unknown potential between you and the sergeant.”

“Mmm, and we’re growing close to Steve, are we?” Y/N returned the teasing.

“Steve and I are merely work acquaintances. Much like how you and I are.”

“Tell that to Steve. He fancies you something awful.”

While Peggy and Y/N continued to tease each other about Bucky and Steve, the men were on their way back, having a similar conversation of their own.

“So… how did you become this?” Bucky had to ask, sweeping a hand up and down Steve. “A year apart, and you go and have a growth spurt on me?”

Steve chuckled. “Uh, do you remember Y/N from New York? The woman with Stark who told me to talk to SHIELD?”

“You mean the bombshell dame that I should have asked to dance? Oh, yeah,” Bucky smiled dreamily.

Steve chuckled more. “Well, her telling me to go to SHIELD turned me into this. An experimental serum to create the perfect soldier. And I guess it worked, because here I am.”

“Mmm, is there where you crush my spirits and say that you took Y/N dancing? I mean, surely if you caught her eye when you were the scrawny kid from Brooklyn…”

“No,” Steve said with a shake of his head. “Plus, I think she was only interested in me because of the experiment. And my eyes are on someone else. A different SHIELD agent.”

“Oh?” Bucky grinned, nudging his shoulder into Steve. “Look at you! A little serum, and suddenly you’re a ladies man. You’re all grown up.”

“And you’re still the same, I see,” Steve laughed.

Bucky laughed along with Steve, but the laugh didn’t hold the same trace of humor. “Yeah… So, tell me about this new lady.”

“Peggy. She’s wonderful. Smart. Fierce. And she’s here. Y/N is too.”

“Y/N’s here?”

“Yeah. A lot of SHIELD agents are. I was a little surprised to see her myself. I mean, I only saw her that night in New York, same as you. I almost didn’t recognize her at first. I’m shocked she remembered me at all.”

“She’s here?” Bucky repeated.

“Yes,” Steve nodded. Then, “And yes, she still looks like she’s available. So if you wanted to ask her for that dance, now would be your chance.”

Bucky gave a shy scoff of a laugh, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I dunno about all that.”

“I thought you wanted to dance with her?”

“I do! But… Look, there’s a reason I didn’t ask her in New York. I was leaving for here. I didn’t want to risk either of us getting attached, and then something happening to me. I mean, imagine if I had asked her to dance, and we started exchanging letters, and then she stopped hearing from me. I couldn’t do that to her.”

“So, you were going to hope that when the war’s over you’d be able to find her?”

“Yeah. A girl like that deserves stability, Steve. No matter how badly I might wanna share a dance or two with her.”

“Well, you can tell her all that yourself if you like,” Steve told him, nodding his head in the direction of a camp coming into view. “Cause she’s here, here.”

Bucky’s eyes went wide. “No! And you don’t tell her either, you understand me?! I’ll tell her when I’m ready. When the time’s right.”

Steve gave a roll of his eyes. “Whatever you say, Buck.”

“Steve?” Peggy asked, rising from her seat, hearing the voices as they drew closer. “Y/N, I think they’re here.”

With a sigh, Y/N also stood up, following Peggy out of the tent, watching a large group of men walking up, Bucky and Steve in the front. “You did it,” Peggy told Steve proudly.

“Of course,” Steve smiled. “Peggy, this is Buck. Buck, this is Agent Carter. And I think you’ll remember Y/N.”

“Hi,” Bucky said, his voice growing shy as he offered both women a small wave. “Good to see you again, Y/N.”

“Likewise,” she replied, taking note of his appearance: battered uniform, a slightly haunted look still lingering in his crystal blue eyes, scruff decorating his jaw, disheveled hair, a dirty face, and a scratch just under one of his eyes. A seemingly out of place scratch that set alarms off in her head. “Would you mind coming with me?”

“Me? With you?” he asked, waving a finger between them.

“That’s what I said, yes. We need to get you examined.”

His eyes widened for the briefest second as he swallowed thickly. “You can just point me in the direction of the nurses’ tent. You don’t-” he stammered.

“Our nurses are going to be swamped checking over all the other men,” she explained. “And if you’re worried about my own nursing skills, I assure you that I’ve picked up on a few things during my time here.”

“It’s true,” Peggy confirmed. “Y/N actually might be better than some of the nurses on our staff.”

“Uh…” Bucky continued to stammer, uncertain of what to do.

Y/N started walking off, pausing when she didn’t hear the sound of boots following after. “Bucky?” she asked, looking back at him over her shoulder. “You coming?”

He gave a shake of his head to clear it. “Yeah. Yeah.”

Silently they trekked through the camp, past the nurses station crowded with soldiers waiting to be seen, and into a smaller tent that held a cot made up neatly, and a desk with a chair behind it. “Have a seat,” Y/N directed, motioning towards the cot. As Bucky took a seat, Y/N pulled a first aid kit out of a desk drawer, before dragging the chair over to the cot. “I’m aware that I’m about to ask you some difficult questions, but I need you to be honest with me. Can you do that?” she asked as she sat down, opening the kit in her lap.

“I think so?”

“How’d you get this scratch?” She wiped an alcoholic pad across it, creating a patch of clean skin on his otherwise dirty face.

He shrugged. “It’s just a scratch.”

“Lying to me already?”

“I’m not lying!” he snapped.

“Then tell me how you got the scratch. And don’t tell me a guard hit you because we know that’s a lie. That’s an abrasion mark. Like you scraped it against something. So how’d you manage to scrap your face against something?”

His mouth pinched, the look in his eyes growing more haunted. “I don’t wanna talk about it…”he muttered.

“It wasn’t normal torture, was it? Did they experiment on you?”

“I said I don’t wanna talk about it!” he snapped again, his tone carrying a hard edge.

“I know you don’t want to. But I need you to. It’s important that you tell me everything that happened,” she said, keeping her voice calm and controlled.

He screwed his eyes shut tight, clenching his hands into fists. “They injected us with something…” the words started to spill in a rapid rush. “It made some of us stronger… And others… It was painful… Like facing a firing squad would hurt less. The screaming… And we couldn’t see what was happening. They’d strap us in these chairs like at the dentist, and then they’d put these things over our faces. And then there was more pain. Like getting electrocuted. They’d do it for days. You never knew which day was yours. The screams never stopped. God, I just want it to stop!” His eyes snapped open, his chest heaving, body trembling, tear tracks down his cheeks. “What did they do to me?” he asked, his voice a broken, hoarse whisper.

“They turned you into a super soldier.”

“A what?”

“It’s an experimental procedure. It’s what we did to Steve. It’s designed to make you faster and stronger. Harder to kill.”

“You tortured Steve?!” The hard edge was back in his tone, almost murderous.

“No! Steve only got the serum. And it was painful, the way it changes your body on a molecular level. But we don’t brainwash our soldiers with electrocution afterwards.”

“So why did they electrocute us? If it's the same experiment?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. But I’d say it has something to do with stripping away your humanity. Turning you into an obedient killing machine. Nobody wants a soldier who questions orders, right? Hydra… they somehow learned about Operation Rebirth, which is our program for creating super soldiers. We wanted it to give ourselves a competitive edge in the war, and cut down on our own casualties. But Hydra just wants the competitive edge, no matter the cost to human life. They want the perfect, undefeatable army.”

“But why us? Why me?”

“Why not you and other POWs? Better for them to risk enemy lives than the lives of their own soldiers.”

“It’s not right…”

“Nobody said it was. And you have my deepest condolences for what you and your men have suffered through.”

“I don’t want your condolences!”

“What do you want?”

“To murder every one of those bastards for what they did to me.”

“Then it looks like we’re on the same side.”

~~~

1945

It took another year for the team to gather more intel on Hydra’s plans for the super soldier serum. A year of small missions led by Steve and Bucky with their own small squadron of soldiers. A year of Peggy and Y/N pouring over debriefings, fitting together as many pieces of the puzzle as they could. A year of Y/N listening to Bucky wake up in the middle of the night, struggling to catch his breath as his mind forced him to relive his days in captivity. A year of feeling the tug to leave her tent for his, to provide any sort of comfort for him she could, but ultimately always deciding against it. Instead, she’d seek him out in the mornings, offering him a small smile as if to offer congratulations for surviving another night with his demons.

Bucky grew to live for those morning smiles. Lived for the way that Y/N could go from demanding SHIELD agent who could strike fear in the hearts of war-hardened soldiers, to a woman with a soft laugh he swore was only reserved for conversations with him. He reveled in the fact that she grew comfortable enough around him to feel like she could drop the hard facade she gave everyone else. As if around him, she didn’t feel like she had to prove herself like she did around the other men.

“So defeat Red Skull. Should be a simple enough mission, eh, Buck?” Steve joked during a debriefing meeting.

“Piece of cake,” Bucky answered, brushing imaginary dirt off his shoulder.

“No,” Y/N cut in. “The mission is to defeat Hydra. Defeating Red Skull is just a piece of it. An important piece. But a piece all the same.”

“But kill the head of the organization, and the rest will fall,” Bucky told her.

She rolled her eyes. “You know what Hydra is, right? The monster from Greek myths?”

“Yeah, it’s the snake with multiple heads. Everyone knows what a Hydra is.”

She rolled her eyes more. “So you know that it’s not as simple as just killing the head of the organization? After all, kill the head, two more grow in its place. Hence, Red Skull only being a piece. You have to take down the whole monster, not just its head.”

“Okay, okay,” Bucky said, waving his hand dismissively. “So, we go in to defeat Hydra once and for all. When do we leave?”

“Captain Rogers, you, and your team leave at dawn,” Peggy told him, a finger pointing at a map. “You catch the train here. It’ll lead you straight to Hydra.”

“That’s a mountain…” Bucky pointed out the obvious flaw in the plan.

“How else are you supposed to catch a Hydra train? Buy a ticket?” Y/N asked him, tone heavy with rhetoric. 

Bucky looked at Steve with raised eyebrows. “So we’re gonna catch a train on a mountainside, huh?”

“Easy, right?”

“Piece of cake. Anything else?”

“No, that’s all,” Peggy told them.

“Oh!” Y/N said, suddenly thinking of something. “Actually yes. One last thing.” She got up to grab a suitcase, setting it down on the table and opening it, revealing small devices inside.

“What are those?” the other three asked her.

“Trackers. In the event anything happens. Make sure each of your men is equipped with one. You just slide it on like a bracelet and hit this button right here,” she demonstrated. “And then I can see your location here,” she pointed at a monitor screen that showed a green light blinking steadily. She turned off the tracker and the blinking went dead on the monitor. “The Navy’s been a great help with their radar technology. And Stark of course.”

“Of course,” the other three said.

Y/N snapped the suitcase shut, handing it to Steve. “Don’t forget.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Now go get your rest. It’s gonna be a long mission.”

In the morning, Peggy and Y/N were up to see the men off. While Peggy and Steve had their own hushed farewell, Y/N stood facing Bucky, her arms crossed over her chest. “Be safe, James.”

“Oh, I’m ‘James’ now?” he asked with a bemused smile. “What did I do to warrant that?”

“Bucky!” she said, her cheeks flushing. “I meant to say ‘Bucky’.”

His eyes flickered around, noting how close the other men were. “Whatever you say, Agent Y/L/N.”

“Sergeant Barnes,” she said, her nostrils flaring.

He raised his hands in surrender. “Okay, I don’t like that one. Not from you. ‘James’ I can make an exception for. But I still prefer when you call me ‘Bucky’.”

“Just… be safe, okay?”

He nodded, giving her a mock salute and a cheeky wink.

Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, watching as Bucky joined Steve, and the team rolled out. Once they were out of her line of sight, she turned into her tent, pulling out the monitor screen for the trackers, watching the green lights come blinking to life.

While her energy could have been better spent on other tasks, she couldn’t bring herself to do anything besides watch the steady blinking, a calm reassurance that all the men were exactly where they were supposed to be.

As expected, as the mission went forward, some of the trackers didn’t move forward with the rest. Each one felt like someone had stabbed Y/N with a knife, and her only hope was that it wasn’t Bucky or Steve.

One tracker however caught her attention. It stayed behind while the others went forward. But then, it stopped blinking.

Y/N quickly jotted down the coordinates of where it had been blinking, drawing a small star next to it. She also jotted down the other coordinates of the trackers that stayed behind. But the one that went dark made the small hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She didn’t like that it was the only one that stopped blinking.

Hours ticked by. More coordinates were jotted down. Then, a cluster of the trackers stayed together while one continued onward, and her heart dropped to her stomach, knowing that nothing about that could be good.

At that moment, Peggy came barging into her tent, radio in hand. “Steve, where are you?”

“All I see is ocean,” came the garbled radio response. “This plane’s going down. Let’s get a raincheck on that date?”

Peggy’s eyes looked at Y/N frantically, and the other woman pointed a finger at the monitor, tracking who she assumed to be Steve, as it was the only light still moving on the screen. “We have your coordinates. We’re sending someone to get you. Stay put,” Peggy told Steve.

“It’s hard to stay put when I’m crashing.”

Static crackled through the radio. “Steve?” Peggy asked. “Steve, do you copy? Y/N, where is he?!”

“There, he’s there!” Y/N told the other woman, following the blinking light with her finger. “Have the Navy pick him up.”

Peggy watched the monitor over Y/N’s shoulder while she called into the radio for someone to send Steve’s location to the Navy. “And which are these?” she asked, pointing at the cluster of blinking lights.

“That’s the Hydra base. So we need to send someone to go get the survivors.”

“Yes, and these?” Peggy’s finger moved to the spattering of random locations of blinking lights.

“Bodies to pick up. Peggy, was Bucky with him?”

“I don’t know. Why?”

“One of the lights. It dropped off in the mountains. But then the tracker went dead. It’s the only one that went dead.”

“And what does that mean? The tracker broke?”

“Or someone broke it. None of the others went dead. The tracker stayed blinking in the same spot, but it stayed on the map. All but that one. Something about it feels off to me.”

“We’ll figure it out after we get the team back.”

It was a long, and tense wait for Steve and the survivors of the team to make it back, Y/N scanning around for Bucky. “Where is he?” she demanded, pulling Steve aside.

“Hello to you too, Y/N.”

“Hi, Steve. Glad you’re back after your nice swim in the Atlantic. Where’s Bucky?”

Steve swallowed, lowering his head.

“Steve…” she whispered, tears stinging her eyes. “Where is he?”

“Let’s go talk,” was all he said, ushering her into a tent where they’d have more privacy.

“Just tell me if he’s dead or not,” she said, her voice cracking as she crossed her arms.

“I don’t know…”

“How do you not know?”

“I mean, I don’t know. On the train. It was a set up. Hydra was waiting for us. There was a fight. I tried to grab him, but he slipped.”

The blinking light that went dead in the mountains. “Steve…”

“I tried, Y/N. I tried to keep him safe. But he just slipped. And I dunno how anyone could survive a fall from that high up. You’d have to be super human or something.”

“The serum.”

“I’m sorry?”

“The serum!” she said again, hope rising in her voice. “Steve, the serum!”

“What about it?”

“Bucky has it! It’s in him like it’s in you!”

“He’s a super soldier?!”

“Yes! It happened when his unit got captured last year.”

“So he could have survived?!”

“He could have survived!”

“Well, where’s the tracker?! Let’s go!”

Y/N frowned.

“What? What is it?”

“The only tracker that stayed in the mountains went dead two minutes after your team went forward. It’s the only tracker that went off the radar.”

“We were pretty high up. Is it possible it just broke?”

“Let’s hope so.”

Two hours later, Peggy, Steve, and Y/N trekked through the snow in search of any signs of Bucky. Thousands of feet up in the air, Y/N could make out the train track. “I don’t get it,” she grumbled, her boot kicking at a patch of snow. “The coordinates are right here. So where is he?”

“Uh… Y/N?” Steve said, holding up two pieces of a black bracelet.

“My tracker…” she mourned the two broken pieces.

“But look at how it’s broken. It’s like someone snapped it in half. Buck wouldn’t have done that.”

“But whoever took him would,” Y/N said.

“But who took him?”

“I’ll give you two guesses.”

“But Hydra’s done. We won,” Steve said, not understanding.

Y/N shook her head, kicking at more snow as tears started to slide down her cheeks. “You said you were ambushed right? That they knew you were coming?”

“Yeah…”

“Steve, Hydra is more than just the Nazis. It’s everyone that opposes SHIELD. How many enemies besides the Nazis does America have?”

“So Buck could be anywhere?”

“Yes, and once news breaks of your mission, and with the war itself starting to end, any of the remaining Hydra heads are going to lay low.”

“And we can’t find Buck until we find Hydra. If he survives.”

“He’s a super soldier. If he managed to survive that fall, I’m sure Hydra will want to keep him alive as long as they can. Turn him into an asset they can exploit. Provided he doesn’t cause them any trouble.”

“Oh, it’s Buck. All he does is cause trouble,” Steve chuckled humorlessly before sighing. “I don’t know which reality I wanna live in. One where he’s dead. Or one where he's missing, and I don’t know how or when I’ll find him, or what he’ll be when I do.”

“I know,” she nodded, more tears falling down her face. “But at least when I believe he’s alive, there’s hope. And I need that hope, Steve.”

Steve pulled her in for a tight hug. Steve wanted to give her more reassurance, to tell her the truth about how Bucky felt about her, but he decided against it, understanding finally why Bucky had never said anything himself. He couldn’t bear the idea of breaking her heart more than it was already breaking. Likewise, Y/N wanted to give Steve his own reassurance. For him to know how much her heart was breaking for him because she knew how much Bucky meant to him, because he had meant just as much to her. But instead, she sniffled into Steve’s chest, his own tears dropping into her hair while he whispered, “We’ll find him. Somehow. We’ll find him,” on a loop as he held her to him, both of them mourning their friend.

~~~

1953

“Y/N!” Steve said loudly as he burst into the woman’s office, a wide grin on the captain’s face. “You’re gonna love me.”

“I think your wife might have a problem with that,” she teased, barely looking up from her work to acknowledge her friend.

He placed a folder down on her desk. “Just look at this, will you?”

She opened the folder, giving it a look through. “Hydra intel? Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a while.”

“Yep. They’re still staying low. Taking advantage of civil uprisings to eliminate threats to their cause.”

“Well, that’s certainly one way to go about being undetected. Where do we come in?”

“We’re the next threat. Or at least, Washington D.C. is. You in?”

“Who’s the team?”

“Right now? Just me.”

“Rogers…”

He raised his hands. “I know it sounds bad. But, a lot of people aren’t willing to believe Hydra’s behind the attacks. So it’s not an official mission we have any clearance on.”

Y/N waved the folder. “So this isn’t an official report? What is this then?”

“My own personal research,” he said with a sheepish grin.

“Rogers…”

“Look, I can’t explain it. I just have a feeling that I’m right.”

“So you want my help staking out the meeting at Capitol Hill next week on the feeling that Hydra might be plotting something?”

“Yes. You in?”

“You better not be wrong.”

A week later, Steve and Y/N stood watch, both of them silently hoping he was wrong, but also hoping he was right. For the first half hour, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The lull into the false sense of security before the sound of a bomb went off, sending everyone into panic mode.

Y/N crouched down, eyes scanning around for anything that didn’t fit the pattern of how a terrified citizen would act. “You see anything?” she spoke into her earpiece.

“There!” Steve’s voice shouted in her ear. “Long hair. Mask. Metal arm. Gun,” he rattled off the details.

“Location?!”

“Headed your way. Run!”

Y/N took off, eyes on the lookout for whoever Steve had described. “Run! Move!” she shouted as she pushed people aside. Gunfire rang out, and she felt a sharp white-hot pain in her chest as she took cover behind a car, her heartbeat drumming loudly in her ears. Applying pressure to the wound, she looked around for the shooter, hoping Steve was on his way to her.

She turned her head to the sound of a gun cocking, eyes going wide with fear as she spotted the person Steve had described, gun pointed her way.

She held her breath as the man took aim, then changed his mind as Steve came charging at him. With his metal arm, he threw a punch at Steve, who quickly threw up his shield to block it, the sound of metal hitting metal creating a loud clanking sound. Quickly, the man pushed the shield aside, kicking Steve in the chest, the action causing both men to fall backwards.

Y/N watched from her vantage point as the shooter pulled up his gun, shooting a rapid succession at Steve who curled up behind his shield, the bullets ricocheting off. Steve took advantage of the man pausing to reload to draw in closer. The shooter got in more shots, before Steve roundhouse kicked the gun free. Not missing a beat, the shooter pulled out another gun, firing off more shots that got deflected by the shield.

In another brief pause, Steve took a swing that the shooter dodged. Steve immediately came up swinging with the shield, which the shooter grabbed easily, both men trying to punch each other around it. Annoyed, the shooter grabbed onto the shield with his other hand, giving a sharp twist, flipping both Steve and the shield, leaving Steve defenseless. Y/N gasped, knowing she needed to get moving and help. “C’mon, c’mon,” she hissed, pressing her palm firmer into her wound, wishing she had a way to hold her shirt in place as a makeshift bandage.

Not caring, Steve raised his fists, both of them going back to exchanging blows until the metal arm connected solidly into his chest, knocking him backwards. Steve quickly rolled back to his feet before charging at the masked man again, who launched the shield. Steve twisted out of the way, the shield embedding itself into a car right behind him. Steve kept running, as his opponent freed a knife from his side, slashing at Steve’s punches. One of Steve’s punches got the man straight in the jaw. As the man grunted from the impact, Steve jumped to deliver a kick to the chest, knocking the assailant backwards. Wasting no time, Steve went in for another kick, his foot connecting again.

The blows however, did little to stop the other man as he came back at Steve. He threw a punch with the nonmetal arm that Steve grabbed onto and flipped the man onto his back. But in a swift blur, the man got up, the metal hand gripping tightly around Steve’s throat before throwing him.

Steve fell to the ground, gasping for air as the man kept coming. A punch that Steve narrowly missed shattered the asphalt. Somehow Steve got to his feet as his attacker pulled out another knife. Punches and knife slashes were deflected, as Steve lured the man closer to free his shield that was still lodged in the car.

Freeing the shield, Steve brought it in between where metal met flesh at the man’s shoulder, trying to cut the metal arm loose. When that didn’t work, Steve flipped the man in a backwards somersault, his mask clattering to the ground.

Everything froze for a terrible second, Steve’s chest heaving with exertion as the shooter rose to his feet, turning to face Steve. The captain’s eyebrows pulled together in stunned confusion, recognizing his opponent instantly. “Bucky?” he whispered, not sure if he wanted to believe what he was seeing.

Y/N decided it was now or never to provide Steve with much needed backup. Without being able to take pressure off her wound, she decided her only option was to somehow kick Bucky from behind. But she first had to get up somewhere high enough to land a kick where it would do the most damage. With a grunt and her free hand, she pulled herself up onto the roof of the car she’d been taking cover behind, Bucky right below her.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” the man asked, pulling a gun on Steve and taking aim. He was about to pull the trigger when Y/N jumped, kicking Bucky in the back of the head as she came down almost directly on top of him.

Bucky fell forward, rolling to his feet as Y/N landed on hers, preparing for him to turn his attention to her. Instead though, he kept his attention on Steve, scared confusion on his face. He pulled a grenade free, throwing it at Steve, and while both Steve and Y/N crouched to cover themselves with the small explosion, Bucky used the distraction to disappear.

“I knew it,” was all Y/N could say as she winced from the pain.

Steve rushed over to her, eyes full of worry as they took in the gunshot. “We should get that checked out.”

“And figure out how to get our Bucky back. Steve, that was exactly what I feared was going to happen when we didn’t find him.”

“I know. I know.”

“How though? Steve… he was only with Hydra a month before you rescued him last time. And it was bad. I don’t know how much you saw compared to what I did. But it wasn’t good. He had nightmares right up until you guys left for that last mission. A month had that kind of effect on him. Now we’re up against eight years. How do we bring him back from this?”

“What stopped me from becoming that?”

“The fact that we didn’t brainwash you of your humanity.”

“So, all we gotta do is tap into that humanity. I mean, did you see how he stopped once I realized it was him?”

“You mean how he threw a grenade at your head? How he shot me?”

“His humanity is still there, Y/N. We just have to get to it.”

“How?!”

“By using you.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Steve sighed. “I was never supposed to be the one to tell you this. He was. But Bucky liked you from the minute he met you. But he was adamant about not telling you he did until the war was over. Because he couldn’t bear the idea of something happening to him and it breaking your heart. He wanted to make sure he was safe first, able to give you stability in not worrying about him.”

“Well, he’s a fool, because I worried about him and my heart broke anyway.”

“He meant well. But, because of how he felt about you, I think you’re the answer to bringing him back.”

“How though, Steve? He looked right at me, and still tried to shoot me again.”

Steve sighed again. “You might hate me for this suggestion. But kiss him.”

“You want me to kiss the man who just tried to kill us both? Are you insane?!”

“It could work.”

“Like some fairytale? True love’s kiss breaks the spell? Only in this case the spell is eight years of brainwashing him into an obedient assassin?”

“Yeah, basically,” Steve nodded.

She threw up her hands in exasperation. “I thought we were friends, and here you are telling me to kiss the assassin who shot me, Rogers! Are you trying to get me killed?!”

“I’m only saying it might be our best bet at getting our Bucky back. But, if you’re not up for it, I understand. It’s a huge risk.”

She narrowed her eyes. “If I die kissing Bucky, I will haunt you for the rest of your days, Rogers,” she threatened.

Steve flashed her a charming smile. “I’ve been reliably informed that dying kissing Buck would be a heavenly way to go.”

It would take awhile to get Operation Fairytale going, as Y/N healed from her gunshot wound and Hydra had the smarts to go back to laying low.

All in all, it took about two months before Steve was bursting back into Y/N’s office with a wide smile. “Find him?” was all she asked.

“Yep,” Steve said, grinning wider. “You ready?”

“Let’s go.”

As they traveled to where Steve claimed he had found Bucky, he reminded her of what she was to do. “Keep your distance. You don’t wanna be on the receiving end of his regular arm, much less his metal one. But you have to get close enough at the same time. Something about using his name will start to draw him out, so use it a lot. Then you can probably get close enough to where he won’t actively want to hurt you.”

She nodded. “But you’ll be close by if your hunch doesn’t work?”

“As close as I can without tipping him off that I’m there, yes.”

“This plan is insane, you know that, right?”

“Why do you think it’s just me and you?”

She sighed, closing her eyes and taking a slow breath to steady herself. “Just don’t let me die, yeah?”

“That’s part of the plan.”

“Love that confidence…”

“Last chance to back out. I can try to tap into his humanity on my own. I already did it once. I just think you’d have a better chance at cracking into him than I do.”

“Just don’t let me die, Steve. Because one way or another we’re gonna get Bucky back. But if I die in the process, I don’t want it to have been for nothing.”

“That’s why keeping you alive is an important part of the plan.”

Both too soon and not soon enough, Y/N found herself face to face with Bucky. Well, face to back. “Bucky,” she called out, her voice soft and soothing. “Bucky, it’s Y/N. It’s me.”

The soldier turned, mask obscuring the lower half of his face, eyes cold blue steel as they regarded her. She silently cursed herself and Steve for forgetting about the mask. Another obstacle to figure a way around. “I don’t know who that is.”

“Yes, you do,” she said, taking a step forward. “You’re Bucky. And I’m Y/N. We know each other.”

“No, we don’t!” his voice rose, hands curling into fists at his sides.

Y/N dropped a hand to her side, ready to grab at her gun if she needed to. “I don’t want to fight you, Bucky. But I will if I have to.”

“Stop calling me that!”

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky,” she taunted, fingers wrapping around the grip of her gun.

With a yell of frustration, Bucky advanced on her. In a swift motion, she freed the gun, firing off a few shots at him, stepping backwards as she did so.

He kept advancing, deflecting some of her shots with his metal arm, but one grazed across his ribs, causing him to hiss as blood splattered.

“I guess that makes us even?” she huffed as he stopped advancing, his fingers staining red as he brushed them against his wound, assessing the damage. “Stop now, and I won’t have to shoot you again.”

She couldn’t see the way his lips pulled aways from his teeth in a snarl, as he pulled a knife. Quickly he advanced, slashing out at her. “Really?!” she yelled angrily as she dodged and jumped backwards, trying to keep out of his arm’s reach. “You’re gonna try to stab me now, too?! James Buchanan Barnes!”

He gave an equally angry yell of his own, slashing at her faster with the knife. As he got within reach of her, she ducked down, sweeping out her leg to try and knock him off his feet. “It’s me, Bucky!” she screamed at him, each word a new attempt at a hit.

Whether it was her words finally getting to him or her taking an offensive position against him, Bucky stopped attacking back, putting all his efforts into blocking her blows. “Bucky!” she kept screaming, swiping at his face to knock off his mask. “You’re Bucky! Remember, damn it!”

“I don’t know who that is!” He grabbed her wrist in his hand before flinging her free, the strength sending her skiddering backwards.

“Yes, you do!” She lunged at him, tackling him to the ground, pinning his arms down with her knees. And knowing she had about a millisecond before he threw her off, she crushed her lips into his, putting as much emotion and power into it as possible.

A hand grabbed her shoulder and she braced herself for the impact of getting thrown like a ragdoll. But instead, the hand was pulling her in closer, Bucky’s lips moving to kiss her back. “Y/N,” he breathed against her mouth.

“It’s me. It’s me, Bucky,” she nodded, pulling away with a half laugh/half sob. “It’s me,” she repeated, sitting back on his chest.

“You shot me,” he coughed.

“You shot me first.”

“I didn’t know…” he told her, his breathing becoming erratic with fear and panic. “I didn’t know…”

“Shh, it’s okay,” she soothed, cupping his face in her hands and brushing at the tears that started to spill. “C’mon, let’s get you home.”

“Home,” he nodded as she climbed off of him and onto her feet, reaching a hand down to him. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

After a hesitant, then tearful reunion with Steve, Bucky recounted his time with Hydra as they all sat around Peggy and Steve’s house. Much like how his conversation had gone with Y/N when he recounted his first go at captivity, the words spilled out in a rush, his hands clenched tightly at his sides as he refused to meet anyone’s eye for too long.

“It was like the first time. But worse. As the serum worked with more of us, they had us start fighting each other. The electrocutions… They’d use this list of words to put us in this mindset where our only task is to cause hurt. Like complete mind control. And if we weren’t getting electrocuted, fighting each other, or doing their bidding, we were put in these states of sleep. It’s not an army they’re creating. They’re creating a new breed of assassins.”

“Well, they’re down one super assassin now,” Steve said, relief mixing with the deep concern of what Bucky’s news could mean for the future. “What happened to your arm? Was that them?”

Bucky shook his head. “No. Well… yes, but no. It happened when I was falling. I tried to grab anything to slow my fall, but I was going too fast. And then I was on my back in the snow. And then I wasn’t. And now I’m here.”

“You still wanna murder every last one them?” Y/N asked with a small smile.

Bucky raised his eyes to meet hers: haunted versus home. Slowly he nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. So, I guess that makes us on the same side?”

“We were always on the same side, Bucky.”

He looked down at his side that sported a bandage under his shirt. “Plus or minus a few details anyway.” He scanned his eyes around the small house. “You got a spare bedroom here, Steve? Or anywhere I can lay down for a bit? Pretty tired.”

Steve nodded, but it was Y/N who stood up. “C’mon, I’ll show you,” she said.

“Y/N, you can grab him some clothes out of my closet. I think Buck and I are finally the same size.”

Bucky and Steve shared a laugh, as Bucky followed Y/N through the house to a bedroom. Bucky sat down on the edge of the bed as Y/N rummaged around in drawers, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt for the man. “Bathroom’s through that door,” she pointed, handing him the clothes.

“Thanks,” he said, taking the clothes and disappearing into the bathroom to change. “Um, can I ask you something?” he asked her through the door.

“Sure.”

“Would you mind staying with me? I- I don’t want to be alone…”

“Stay with you like sleep in the bed with you?”

“Well you don’t have to sleep if you’re not tired. But yeah. If you don’t mind.” As he pulled the bathroom door open, she could see the traces of fear lingering in his haunted look.

“Yeah, I’ll lay with you.”

“Thanks. And um…” he rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly. “C-can the light stay on?”

“Of course, Bucky. Whatever you need.”

“Just you,” he mumbled under his breath, but she heard him anyway, both of their cheeks flushing.

“When you wake up, maybe we can go out for that dance,” she teased as she crawled under the covers with him.

“Only if I can kiss you afterwards.”

“Or you could kiss me now.”

His breath caught as his fingers hooked under her chin, guiding her in for a kiss. “Thank you for not leaving me,” he whispered.

“I could never leave you, Bucky.”

__

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[travellingarmy]

║Scaramouche║Jealousy

Requested from Wattpad.

Gender-neutral.

Fluff.

Word count: 1.5k

---

He doesn't know when so don't ask him. But he does know that you had somehow bewitched him into liking you because he couldn't explain what it is about you that had made him fall for you. Was it your hair? Eyes? Smile? Again, he doesn't know and all he could do is blame you for it.

His eyes stare lazily at the crowd, thoughts completely all about you and only you. He wishes he could see you-- oh, would you look at that? Not too far away, he spots a familiar stature, eyes looking at a list. You.

He pondered at today's date, crossing his arms. Based on his notes from observing you, you were out shopping for groceries. Oh, how could he forget that? That was the reason why he was out and about with no particular purpose tied to the Tsaritsa at all. He was grateful at how you always had a routine. That way, he could have these.. Encounters. He doesn't do much other than stare. Creepy, but he does not dare walk up to you to strike a conversation. He only does it when there is a really good excuse for them.

"I thought I'd find you here," a smooth voice spoke from behind the short male, a chuckle following after. Scaramouche had the look of annoyance at the sound that he loathed oh so much. "What do you want, pest?"

He does not need to look behind him to know that it was the young Harbinger, Tartaglia. The ginger chuckles, resting a hand on his hip. "Ouch, no need to be so venomous, old man." He does not even bother to feign hurt.

Scaramouche clicks his tongue, not once turning to see the ginger. "If you have nothing to say, leave. Can't you see I'm busy?" he spat. The taller male grins. "Oh? With what? Surely, stalking an innocent civilian isn't what you are busy about, is it?" Tartaglia has been watching for a while as well, but not at you-- Scaramouche, seeing as the sixth Harbinger started to act strange-- mainly towards you. He thought it was hilarious that a man such as the cruel sixth could easily coil under your words.

Scaramouche mentally curses at the male. "Piss off." He grits his teeth. This just made Tartaglia want to continue. However, a brilliant plan- much better than teasing Scaramouche- had crept its way in his head. Smirking evident in his tone, he bids goodbye to the short Harbinger.

"Good riddance," he mumbled to himself. His eyes had never once left your person as you move onto different stalls that had the needed items on your list.

Maybe he should go up and say a quick 'hello'? You two are friends after all. It wouldn't be awkward, right?

He bit the inside of his cheek, deciding against it. As much as he tops everybody, he cowers to interact with you and only pray that the Tsaritsa had something- anything- to give him a reason to interact with you. He thought it would seem awkward otherwise.

Sighing, he turns on his heels, planning on going to the training ground for new recruits and do something productive like watching new Fatui members bleed their guts out-- anything that would take his mind off of you.

-

He doesn't know when, but the next time he saw you made his blood boil. Actually, it wasn't you that made him that way-- it was at the sight of you talking to the eleventh Harbinger with all smiles and laughter.

Were you two always that close for you to allow Tartaglia to put a hand on your shoulders? It was evident that the Harbinger was up to something when he put it there. Scaramouche doesn't know what type of game Tartaglia was playing at, but he didn't like it in the slightest.

He wanted to walk up and wrap his arms around you protectively while he hiss and glare at the eleventh. But he had to hold back. After all, it would seem weird since you two weren't lovers. Oh how he wished that you would leave the ginger already.

-

If he was itching for a fight, Scaramouche would happily give it to him. It has been 2 weeks since and each day, Tartaglia always seemed free enough to hang around you. And you seemed undisturbed by it? How absurd! Had you not notice where that man puts his hands on you? That hand that the ginger holds is supposed to be his!

He scowls. He can't take this anymore. Scaramouche has finally figured out the game that the ginger started and tried not to fall for his petty trap to make him finally admit to you about his feelings. However, that didn't last long and he started to think that he should take this as a chance before that opportunity is no longer there; when Tartaglia has really fallen for you.

Taking a deep breath, he strides to you two with menacing glares thrown at the tall male. Tartaglia felt those eyes that he knew had been watching him since two weeks ago draw near, getting his attention, which soon caught yours.

"Oh? Why if it isn't gramps," Tartaglia greets, showing his signature smile that was usually a sign of trouble to come. Scaramouche stares long and hard at him before he turns to look at you.

"Scara, hello!" You smiled that smile he loves oh so much. His heart fluttered, almost forgetting the presence of a particular someone.

"Uh, so, gramps," Tartaglia starts, "(Y/N) and I are actually going out for lunch, so if you could speed it up.." Scaramouche shots another deadly glare at the male. It would have been scary to a normal person but since this is what Tartaglia wanted, he wasn't affected by it.

"You're not having lunch with them." With that, he grabs you by the wrist and drags you along with him. "H, huh? Wait, Scara, where are we going?" You look at the back of the short Harbinger before you turn to look over your shoulders at Tartaglia.

You thought he would stand there dumbfoundedly but instead, he waves at you with one hand as the other rested on his hips and balancing his weight on one leg. He gave a close-eyed smile, feeling proud that it had turned out the way he wanted. The eleventh wanted to follow to hear what cheesy thing Scaramouche would say, but he stops himself and decided to tease him later.

Now gone from sight after turning a block, Scaramouche pins you against a wall, both hands slammed beside your head. You yelped and hissed at the impact, closing your eyes instinctively.

"Hey, Scara, couldn't you just--" "I like you," he confesses, getting all words dying on your tongue. "Eh?" Silence followed after, and it seemed to you that there was a bird cawing not too far in the distance.

Did you hear that right? You look up and was met a flushed Harbinger who awaited for your response. "C, could you repeat that? I think water got into my ears when I took a bath this morning."

Scaramouche takes a deep breath and this time, said it loud and clear-- enough for you to comprehend. "I like you, (Y/N)," he said, the heat tingling his cheeks. Gosh, Tartaglia's spot would have definitely been given away by his laughter, if he was there.

"I like you too, Scara," you confess, a confused look on your face at the sudden confrontation. On Scaramouche's part, the light in his eyes twinkled like little stars dancing in the night sky. You liked him as well? A smile was threatening to break but before that could happen, he moves away and coughed onto his fist, clearing his throat soon after.

"W, well, I'm glad we have mutual feelings towards one another.." he said, face still slightly turned from you.

"But, Scara, can I ask what brought this up so suddenly?" you had finally ask. The Harbinger stare at you longingly and removes his fist from his mouth, scratching the back of his neck. "I was, uh, a bit jealous of.." He looks down, feeling embarrassed to say it. But you wanted an answer so he had no choice but to give it. "I was jealous of Tartaglia hanging around you."

Your heart fluttered. He looks adorable if you had to be honest. Who knew that he could be jealous by someone who was much younger than both you and him? You had long knew that the young Harbinger was up to something the moment he came up to you with the smile used when he was plotting something. You weren't that dense.

A laugh escaped your lips, getting the attention of the male. "H, hey, what's so funny?" His brows scrunched together in confusion.

You shake your head to dismiss the question and soon cup his face, bringing him close so that your foreheads were touching. Staring longingly into his indigo eyes, you spoke. "There is no need to be jealous because my heart belonged to you long ago."

---

[ladykissingfish]

The Akatsuki’s Favorite Halloween Candies

Kakuzu: Red Strawberry Candy

Ah, these. The little red candies in a strawberry print wrapper. Nobody knows exactly where they come from (other than the bottom of your grandmother’s purse) but every Halloween, you’re bound to get a few of these in your trick or treat bag. It’s perhaps very fitting that gruff, no-nonsense Kakuzu would prefer a candy thats small, cheap, and completely predictable. There’s no exotic flavors, no wild patterns … it’s simply a synthetic strawberry. Even when it’s not Halloween time, the nonagenarian will have a tiny handful of these nestled in his pocket, to keep in his mouth when he gets the (rare, for him) craving for something sweet.

Tobi: Pixie Stix

It’s difficult to pinpoint down the masked man’s favorite Candy, as, at some point or other, EVERY candy becomes his “favorite”. However, Pixie Stix make it into at least the top three for him. He’s a man who enjoys sugar and the quick bursts of energy they give him; so why not be obsessed with a candy thats, literally, a colorful stick of sugar? Tobi can down a dozen or more of these teeth-killing weapons in one go with relative ease; however, after the sugar rush wears off, he’s always left with a horrible headache and a grumbling in his stomach to match. Not that these after-effects do anything to dissuade him from partaking in this addictive ritual, but still.

Itachi: Suckers

For some reason, Itachi seems to be enamored with anything that he can eat on a stick. Because of this, when reaching for a sweet treat, he’s most likely to go with suckers/lollipops. He likes all colors/flavors, but his favorite is grape. And he’s not a huge fan of anything being inside of the sucker, for example gum or a tootsie roll, because he feels like it “ruins the simplistic integrity of the candy”. He finds having a sucker in his mouth to be a great stress reliever, and therefore will almost always have one or two sticking out of his back pocket, in case of “emergencies”.

Sasori: Gum

The puppet, of course, doesn’t eat. Even when he was still human, he had never held much of a fondness for sweet things. But one thing that he liked quite a bit was chewing gum. No fruity flavors, however; just the standard mint and peppermint. And, surprisingly, he used to be a Master at blowing bubbles. His technique was envied by all the other kids; he used to blow bigger, thicker bubbles than anyone else around. In fact, this is one of the main reasons he always chose to keep his hair short, even after the transformation: he got tired of having to cut exploded bubbles out of his locks.

Konan: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup

Konan loves chocolate. If asked what her favorite chocolate candy is, she’ll likely have a different answer every time, based on her mood for that day. However, one of her most frequent answers is a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Peanut butter and chocolate, a match made in Heaven for the pretty blue-haired lady. Konan tries to stick to a careful diet most of the time, as her figure is very important to her. However, when it comes to peanut butter cups, all rules and inhibitions are out the window. She especially likes the mini cups, more so when the wrappers are colorful rather than the standard gold. She’s been known to eat an entire bag of the little treasures in one go, which the others think is incredibly cute. She’ll often wake up with bags of these placed outside her door by anonymous sources, which will keep her smiling all day.

Kisame: Gummy Bears

Kisame, being half shark, is always proud of being one of the fiercest predators of the animal (and human) world(s). Nobody has ever heard of a fight between a bear and a shark; but Kisame heartily feels that if such an event were to take place, HE’D be the one victorious. He likes to imagine tearing into a real bear as he tears into the little gummy bears with his razor-sharp teeth, and he always decapitates them before gnawing on the rest. When asked what color/flavor he prefers, he’ll comment that all of them taste pretty much the same. However, anybody observing him will see that he tends to go for the blue or green ones most frequently. He also has an incredibly strange habit, where he likes to dump a handful of gummy bears into a bowl of cereal and milk, and eat them like that, even though the others think he’s pretty crazy for doing so.

Zetsu: Twizzlers Pull n Peels

Zetsu is a very visual person. Oftentimes it’s not what he’s actually eating, but what it reminds him of. The thin, twisty ropes of red remind him of … veins. Different flavors of pull n peels exist but Zetsu prefers the standard cherry. A pipe dream of his is that one day he to create a flavor of this that closely mimics human blood, but the only Akatsuki member willing to help him with this is Sasori.

Nagato: Dots

Pein of course doesn’t eat. Nagato’s situation growing up was a bleak one, with him barely getting normal food to eat, let alone candy. One of the first candies he’d ever tried was a handful of Dots given to him by a friend, and that burst of sweetness was something that was cemented in his mind ever since. He often sends Konan out to buy him these, in fact replacing proper meals with the candy at least once a week. Of course, these particular candies are very dense and incredibly gummy, and Nagato’s teeth aren’t the best as is; so after eating he takes meticulous care in brushing/flossing his mouth. He also had a very organized way of eating this treat, rather than shove things into his mouth at random: he’ll divide a box into each separate color, then eat each color based on size (smallest to biggest).

Deidara: Payday Bars

Deidara isn’t much one for sweet things, as his palate leans more towards savory cuisine. However, there isn’t much in the candy world that echoes a savory taste, so, if in the mood for candy at all, he’ll go with something that has more of a nutty taste. Payday Bars are about as nutty as a candy can get, and the combination of that with the subtle flavor of caramel makes for a good treat for the blonde artist. The only downside is that this bar can be tough on the teeth, and a lot of brushing and flossing has to be done afterwards to get the little bits of peanuts entirely out of the gums.

Hidan: Hot Tamales

Hidan likes it spicy, which is why, if he eats candy at all, he’ll go for the hot-cinnamon-gumminess of Hot Tamales. His favorite (although somewhat stupid) thing to do is shotgun the entire box at once, lighting his whole mouth on fire simultaneously. He’ll also take delight in teasing Tobi by offering him the candy and NOT telling him that’s it’s spicy. He’s been yelled at by Pein multiple times when Tobi’s come to him crying about his mouth “hurting” after Hidan’s trick; not that the reprimand stops the Jashinist at all.