#.[ maybe in another life i knew you; maybe in another time i loved you: conrad & cattleya ]

[lunaetis]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐞.

                a secret meant to be kept hidden. the voices that weren't supposed to be heard. the sounds hushed in tone and the noises muffled with each step they took. silence was common even when they were only the two of them. cattleya was no stranger to it, however. an auto-memory doll who often communicated through written words and letters was not unfamiliar with silence.

                but in that quiet air, she heard him ( @wesama ).

                in that silence, it was loud. the sounds of his footsteps as he walked next to her, the shuffle of his movement when dawn hadn't broken from the horizon just yet. when she first met him, he smelled of gunpower and blood, of battles and war clinging to his very form. no matter how many times she washed his hand, the red did not completely come off.

                now, he smelled of freshly baked bread and coffee. he smelled of soil and dirt as he helped her plant vegetables and flowers in the garden. he smelled of the faint floral scent of the flowers he picked out for her. the crimson tainted fingers were replaced by flour and oil of the breakfast he prepared for her.

                " william, " she would call him, despite knowing that probably was not his real name. how she yearned to know it, to know him, to know the man she had saved and the man she had come to — " good morning. "

                did you sleep well ?

                did you have a nightmare again ?

                do you miss your country ? your home ?

                the questions were swallowed down her throat when she looked at him. how shameful. a part of her wanted to ask that. a part of her wanted to know if there were anything she could help him with.

                if he was happy being here with her.

                do you want to leave ... and go back home ... ?

                as the footsteps retreated, the door of her room creaked open, barely making a noise. she could hear the silhouette of his back slowly disappearing into the shadow cast by the sunlight, as well as the muttering words that echoed. how she wished she could understand what he was saying.

                " william ... " that was not his name, but she had nothing else to call him by. fingers clutched gently against her chest, being able to hear the sound of her own heart thumping. calling for him. to hide him like this ... to keep him a secret ... a kind of life where he could not be discovered ...

                there was no way he would be truly happy.

                and she remembered his smile, the warmth of his hand upon her own, how his scarred digits would curl protectively around her smaller ones. a squeeze he'd give their connected hands as they walk. her heart fluttered when their eyes meet.

                william ... my william ...

                " i don't want you to leave ... " the words she wanted him to know, but never could bring herself to say. it's selfish. oh so selfish.

                can you hear me ? hear my heart beating for you ?

[mvltisstuff]

Could i request for a Conrad fisher X reader where reader has a younger sibling who gives her a hard time and her parents favour her younger sibling more. It's the reader's bday on the same day as belly's and her family doesn't get her anything and they don't bother with an excuse either and say they don't really care abt her so it doesn't matter. So Conrad comforts her later and if u don't mind u could include some smut at the end?

(this is my situation rn lololol but without Conrad to comfort me😭)

matilda - c.f

summary: request

conrad fisher x reader

a/n: i’m so sorry love, sorry this is a few days late but you are so loved and appreciated no matter what, hope this makes you happy today <3

it’s been a recurring theme for most of y/n’s life. the overheard quotes about the older sibling had eventually become a reality. they didn’t even wait for y/n to try and live up to them. instead, they just accepted that their daughter wasn’t as good as the rest of their children.

as upsetting as it is, kids experience it too much. y/n experiences it every day, so when she realized it wasn’t normal, that’s when it started to hurt more every year.

this day was supposed to be different. she was so excited, turning 18 and finally being an adult. free of her parents if she wanted to be. she thought that maybe, just maybe, her parents would think of her for a day, and make it about it. alas, the second she woke up and walked into the kitchen, y/n’s hopes were shut down.

“y/n, can you take y/b/n to practice? i’m going out with sharon today,” her mom said, barely even looking at her.

“uh, i’m leaving in a bit, remember?” she speaks, trying to sound as polite as possible. “the fishers invited me over for today.”

“hon, we get it,” her dad talks next, peering up over his glasses and newspaper of the town. “but, to some point, it’s just another day. just do what your mother asked.”

y/n looks at her little siblings at the table, messing around and receiving no repercussions. she still remembers when that was her. playing with her parents, happier than she ever was again. she loves her siblings to death, but she loves herself, too. y/n deserves more than she’s been given, so she confides. she drives her brother to whatever practice, wishing him luck as he whispers a happy birthday, then jumping out of the car to see his friends.

she’s already dressed up for the party for belly. the fishers had welcomed her with open arms, even having decorations and sweets for her on the table. everyone figured she’d have something going on at home, but oh, they were so wrong. she didn’t receive a single birthday message from the people who gave her life, so did it matter? even if she didn’t believe it, at least the fishers knew she was worth it. she was dressed in one of her best outfits, a simple dress with small flowers printed over. she had small wedges and her hair was done neatly. she felt pretty, she is pretty.

she walked into the house, belly hearing the door open first. she skips toward, engulfing y/n in a huge hug. “y/n!” she squeals. “happy birthday!”

“oh, belly! happy birthday to you, you look so cute!”

“are you kidding? your man’s gonna go wild when he sees you!” she whispers, making y/n blush toward the end.

“belly, stop!” she nudges. “he’s not my man… yet.”

they giggle together before moving back into the kitchen where y/n greets susannah and laurel, along with the rest of the boys. conrad stands up first, in a heartbeat. he walks over, almost lifting y/n off the ground in a hug.

“hey! happy birthday!” he tells her, excitedly as he pulls away. jeremiah comes piling in next, saying his words to the person he considers a sister.

“didn’t y/m/n have anything planned?” susannah asked from the pure kindness in her heart.

“oh,” y/n mutters. “we, uh, we did something yesterday.”

conrad can tell when y/n lies. he can read her like a book at this point. he’s spent so long fanboying over her that he knows what she’s feeling. when she’s sad, excited, pissed, he knows. it pulls at his heart when he can sense the disappointment in her voice. he starts to get more alarmed with every drink she takes throughout the day. she’s not even a big drinker, never really taking an offer. now he’s positive somethings wrong.

if y/n’s parents didn’t care about her, they don’t care if she drinks, right? she’s with her friends, she’s allowed to. plus. it’ll take the edge off of the internal wounds her parents have left her with. her feelings on the whole matter start to disintegrate for a while, until belly’s cake comes out and is handed to her. it’s so nicely done, perfect detail and so much love. they put time into her cake and party, and y/n can’t help the jealousy rising up. she vividly remembers every one of her younger siblings birthdays. all of them having their friends and a party, while y/n was just locked in her room on her birthday. the presents and the cheesy grins from everyone were overwhelming every year. she couldn’t help but think about what it could be like with her real family. maybe they could love her as much as she deserves, but in reality, they won’t. they can, but they chose not to, which hurts even more.

y/n stumbles around on the balcony, around people while carefully savoring every last drop of whatever is in her can. she’s probably had too many, but she doesn’t care. it’s almost like it’s reversed itself now. she watches belly open all of her presents and receive hugs and kisses, and the lump in her throat becomes thicker. she thinks of the alcohol as her enemy now, just bringing back the thoughts in her sober mind.

it’s not until everyone hears the clicking of y/n’s heels on the pavement that they notice her walking away. her hand is swiping away the loose tears and everyone looks at conrad. if there’s anyone y/n wants to see, it’s him. they’ve been in love for so long, it’s almost painful to watch. as she walks away, blurry vision from the alcohol and the tears, she tries to grab another can from the box before a hand stops her.

“i don’t think that’s a good idea,” conrad says, gently taking it out of her hand and landing it back in the box.

“oh, great. more fuckin’ judgment,” she retorts, making conrad’s face contort.

“hey, what’s going on? you’ve been off all day.”

“i am, perfectly fine,” y/n slurs. conrad places a hand on her shoulder, and takes them to sit on the steps. his arm is wrapped around her, the other one gripping her hand.

“i know you’re not. it’s ok to not be ok,” he looks at her nose scrunch and her cheeks turn red again. “hey, hey, don’t cry, you’re alright.”

“no,” she weeps out, putting her head in her hands. “i’m a mess! i don’t know what to do, i cant make it any better and i’ve been trying for 14 fucking years!”

“hold on,” he keeps his voice low. “what do you mean?”

“my parents don’t give a shit. they haven’t since y/b/n was born and they didn’t even bother about me anymore,” conrad pulls her into his arms, leaning back as her teardrops soak into his shirt. “i didn’t do anything for this, and belly’s being loved unconditionally without having to fight for it. and i feel like a bitch getting upset over it but-“

“absolutely not. don’t say that ever again. you don’t deserve anything they’re giving you. anything they’ve said to you is a fucking lie. i know who you are. you’re the most perfect, beautiful person i’ve ever met, inside and out. you don’t have to prove anything to them, because they don’t deserve your amazingness,” he speaks to her. it’s nothing but the truth, and nothing he would ever hesitate to say. “and i will spend forever trying to prove to you that you’re nothing but beautiful a beautiful person.”

y/n looks up at him, only bursting into more tears as he laughs a bit. “oh, my god, conrad. i love you, so much. i know i’m drunk but i mean it more than anything.” she’s felt nothing like she does now. she’s never had someone accept her so quickly and with so much appreciation. she feels like she can do nothing but cry and just love on him.

“i’m glad,” he begins again. “because i love you, too. no matter what your parents say or do. they don’t define you.”

and in this moment, for the first time in a long time, y/n knows someone loves her. and he’s not just saying it for comfort. she doesn’t need her parents to be loved. if they can’t do that, there will forever be someone out there who loves her just as much. she knows she’s enough, and that’s enough.

[elcpsstuff]

Angsty? Okay.

How about some right person, wrong time stuff? Maybe reader feel first, like 8, but he just think of you like that, so you kept it to yourself. Then one year, since you love the idea of love, reader constantly gets into relationships, whether is good or bad, a serial dater. Finally, Conrad develops feelings, but also sees your dating history and is like “damn no chance”. Then more right person, wrong time trope. He gets a gf, reader pins, vice versa. 💕

The Right One // Conrad Fisher

synopsis: in which Conrad Fisher was the right one who never came at the right time.

a/n: i’m sorry guys.. it’s angst.. part 2? I’m planning it cuz this is sad. also sorry for being so inactive lmfao more coming soon! i’ve been working on my writing :) also lana del rey (specifically how to disappear) was the mood for this :0

warnings: in this fic, y/n is very traumatized. not only is she insecure and feels her love will always be unreciprocated, she is dealing with loss and her mind is scrambling. It will get much better as the story and part 2 comes. :)

—

There was many things in my life I knew, one of them being I had only loved one boy. Conrad Fisher. He was everything and nothing I could ever have at the same time.

Every year I would go to cousins beach, and right next door the Conklins and Fishers lived beside me. That was something I knew would never change.

Until everything did.

“Are you even listening to me?” Belly’s voice rang through my ears, but I wasn’t listening. My eyes were focused on the boy in the pool with Steven and Jeremiah.

“hm?” I looked at Belly who was anything but pleased with me, “oh, yeah.. sorry bells, what’s up?”

Belly’s mouth formed a sad smile, “You never told him.” I knew what she was saying but played the dumb and oblivious role. “Don’t look at me like that, yn. you know what I mean.”

I shrugged, “There was nothing to ever tell.”

There was. I just never did.

Falling for Conrad Fisher at eight years old was never the plan. But the heart wants what it wants.

I had been sitting on one of my mom’s new fancy pool chairs outside that she got for the house when a football bounced down on my pavement.

Immediately following, a boy peaked his head above the fence. He had a smirky type of mouth, one that made you want to kiss him. I had read enough romance novels to pin point that.

“Hey..” He sounded awkward and far off, and I could tell he was embarrassed. “My brother has a really bad throw.. could you maybe toss it over?”

I nodded, too afraid to speak. He was so… pretty.

I picked up the ball and attempted to toss it over, but the farthest it went was the bottom of the fence, and then to the ground. Crimson red took over my face immediately.

“Sorry.. i’m not really a football person.”

He laughed, and something about it seemed genuine. “How come i’ve never seen you around before?”

“We just bought the house. First summer here..” I awkwardly swung my foot back and forth, mentally cursing my social anxiety for being so bad.

“Nice.” He nodded, and there was a quick moment of silence before he added, “Well, maybe you could come over? I’m sure Belly and the boys would love you.”

And that was the beginning of something so wonderful and hideous at the same time. If only I knew.

“Anyways, are you bringing Matt to the party tonight?”

Matt.

Matt was another one of my soon to be failed hook ups. I wanted something real, but everything seemed to be a fail. Could that be because they weren’t Conrad? Maybe.

I loved the idea of love. Hell, I’d read so many romance books and listened to countless music albums and hyped it up. Yet, when the one I wanted didn’t want be back, I plummeted.

It’s not that I didn’t like any of my hookups. They were good, in that way. But as a connection? No.

“Yeah, he’ll be there.” My voice could tell Belly a million things.

“yn.”

“Yes?”

“I’m worried about you.” Belly shuffled into the seat next to me and grabbed my hands. “You say you’re fine, but I know you. It’s killing you inside, I know it is.”

It is. I’m dying inside. “I’m okay. Really. Tonight we’re gonna have some fun, okay?” I squeezed her hands to reassure her, and she nodded with hesitation.

“If you say so.”

—

“How about we get out of here?” Matt’s hand snaked around my waist and I grimaced. I needed more alcohol.

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” I lied, running through the crowd before anyone could say anything. Particularly, judgy Conrad who hadn’t liked any of my hookups.

Fate wasn’t on my side today.

“Hey!”

I turned around to see Conrad walking over to me. He looked so innocent and pretty; I wanted to smack him. I had loved the boy all these years and him being oblivious had turned to me resorting to hook ups. I was no better than my mother.

“You here with me?” Conrad waved his hand in my face and I faked a smile. My thoughts didn’t matter.

“Sorry, I was just grabbing a drink.”

Conrad sighed, “where’s Matty?”

I rolled my eyes, “His names Matt. And we’re about to get out of here.” I regretted the words right away because it would only push Conrad farther from me.

“y/n/n, why are you with guys like him? They’ll only ever prove to be bad for you.” He touched my arm softly, burned. I wanted to say you, idiot!

“What’s it to you? I saw nicole around here somewhere.”

Conrad rubbed his forehead, clearly running out of patience. “Nicole is my friend.”

“You didn’t look like friends.”

“Screw off, okay? It’s not my fault you’re bitter about how much you’ve changed. Everybody can see it.” His words hurt because they were true. I was different, but that was only because everything around me changed.

My mom couldn’t care less about me and my dad is somewhere in the world traveling with his new twenty year old girlfriend. My brother is gone. Gone.

The color drained from Conrad’s face, “I didn’t mean—”

“Excuse me, I have to get back to my classless hook up.”

With that, I walked away, but I didn’t go back to Matt. The tears burned as I locked myself into the bathroom upstairs, away from everybody.

I knew I had changed, I hated it even more than they did. Flashes of the car that killed my brother strayed in my mind and kept me up at night. My brother. Only two years older than me but my everything. Tate. I missed you. I miss you. Come back—

“yn, please open the door.” Conrad’s voice swept through my anatomy like sweet honey. Except I remembered what I wanted from him would never be possible.

No, instead, I would be forced to tolerate it. Tolerate what could never be mine.

“Go away Conrad.” My cheeks were littered with tears.

“Come on, y/n/n.. I didn’t mean it. You know I love you.”

But not like I want you to.

“I just miss you, what we had. We all used to be so close and after— I know. Okay? I miss him too. I know everything fell apart when he died and I fucking miss him too. But this isn’t the answer, just— let me love you.”

You can’t love me like I want you to.

I heard a sigh, and then footsteps faded. Then, and only then, the tears continued and didn’t stop until I couldn’t anymore.

—

I loved her. Her sweet angelic voice and her beautiful laugh. A laugh I could recognize anywhere. Even in a crowded room of hundreds. It was hard to miss.

Would she ever love me the way I wanted her to? Maybe not. But I still wanted her, in any way I could. Hearing her racked sobs at the party last night hurt. I wanted to hug her and tell her it was okay.

I knew I was harsh. Everybody knew it. I hated the boys she went home with though, who never treated her like she deserved. My sweet, sweet y/n/n. If only she saw herself the way I did.

That morning, I went to the guest room, where I know she had stayed. Nights like that resulted in Belly inviting her over instead of letting her go to her own house, in far of what might happen.

I knocked on the door slowly, “Yn? It’s me. I’m not here to fight— I just want to talk.”

Nothing.

“yn?”

Nothing.

I sighed, loosing patience. I wouldn’t play this game anymore. I opened the door quickly and my mouth dropped to see a guy in her bed. He had shorts on, thank gosh, but his chest was bare.

“What the fuck?”

I could hear disheveled noises coming from both of them and once she realized what was happening, she looked scared. mortified.

“Conrad—”

“I apologize and this is what you do? Really? Get with some fucker?”

“Conrad.” She said, more stern but with hurt. I stepped back, knowing my fucking jealousy had gotten in the way once again. It always did.

“Ah— fuck, my head.” The guy slurred, clearly half drunk. I didn’t want to hear it. Any of it. I was sick of loving someone who could never be mine.

“I’m not doing this.”

“Conrad—” She cried, but she would never be mine.

I left before she could say anything else.

—

I fucked up, again.

Joshua— (I think that’s his name?) left shortly after Conrad’s uproar. I hated that he saw, mainly because I was in bed with somebody who wasn’t even Matt, the guy I was talking to.

I went downstairs with the intention to apologize, and heard something else.

“Don’t say that, you know she’s going through things.” It was Belly’s voice.

“It’s just hard, Belly. We’re all going through it, but that doesn’t mean she can just go around with other guys who want to try it on her.”

My heart broke. Not only did he not like me, but he thought low of me.

“Connie, you know she wouldn’t be doing this if you were there for her. She’s always loved you.”

I winced.

“Bullshit, Belly. She doesn’t care about anybody but herself. I thought— that maybe we could— it doesn’t matter. She already has a terrible reputation so i’m not getting involved.”

Oh.

There was no way he loved me, but that didn’t mean he had to humiliate me.

I took the next train out of cousins that day.

—

IM SORRYYYYYY- there will be a part 2 and possible part 3? lmk what you guys want! :))

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

It Started With a Kiss (8/?)

Thanks so much, everyone for your reviews on the last chapter! I’m so glad you all enjoyed my take on the Alex Conrad situation. And now for one of my favorite episodes of the show, To Love and Die in LA. Seriously, this episode is in my top 5…maybe even top 3 depending on my mood that day.

Date wise, the last chapter took place around April 11, and this one takes place around May 2. So that’s a 3 week time gap. Wonder what our favorite couple got up to after the way Kate kissed him in the last chapter, hmm?

Again, I want to remind you that this will be the last update on this story until after I return from vacation on June 15…and Hell Hath No Fury will be due for an update first. So enjoy this one, because it will most likely be several weeks before I get around to writing the next chapter. I promise I’ll get it up as soon as I can though!

Also…there is a section rated M in this chapter. It is clearly marked where you will want to stop reading, and then when it ends. It’s sex heavy, but not smut heavy. Still, read at your own peril, lol!

I still don’t own Castle…

xxxxx

Castle had barely seen Beckett since that night 3 weeks ago when she’d kissed him. The first week she’d been tied up prepping with an ADA for a trial, which worked out with him needing to finish a couple of chapters for the next Heat book, as well as some edits. And then Gina and Paula had worked together to ambush him with some promotional book signings and appearances in an effort to drum up more presales for his newest novel, not to mention the graphic novel for Storm that was being put together.

He’d seen her exactly twice…both times at the precinct when he’d brought her coffee. Neither time for very long, so they hadn’t been able to discuss their relationship or if the kiss she’d given him was a sign she was ready to move forward, but she had made time to spend several minutes with him in the break room since he had come all the way to the precinct just to bring her coffee. They would spend those ten minutes or so in the break room together, innocently flirting and occasionally standing just close enough to brush up against each other. And it always ended with the most brilliant smile from her, thanking him for the coffee. Castle knew he would go out of his way to bring her coffee every day for the rest of his life if she continued to smile at him the way she had those two days.

They had, of course, chatted via text and twice over the phone, but neither of them seemed to want to discuss the kiss or their relationship over the phone or text messages, and rightfully so. It was a big step for them; when it happened, it needed to be in person. She had known he was returning to the city that afternoon, so when his phone rang, he didn’t bother to look at the caller

ID, simply assuming it was her. No one else usually called him after 9 anymore.

“Did a body drop, or did you just miss me so much you couldn’t wait another day to see me?” he asked with a grin.

“Castle, I’m going to send you an address, and you need to get down here,” Lanie said simply.

“Lanie? What’s wrong?” he asked, the smile falling from his lips. Lanie never called him. Kate was the one who called him about a body drop.

“A body was found…”

He swallowed hard. “Kate? Did something happen to her?” he had to ask, interrupting before Lanie could finish her sentence. He felt his heart sink. Was Lanie calling to tell him something had happened to Kate?

Hearing the worry in his tone, Lanie realized what he must have thought. “The body we found is Mike Royce. Espo is just now calling her, so she’s not here yet, but you need to hurry. I doubt she’ll admit it, but she’s going to need you on this one.”

“I’m on my way,” he said, already out the door. He’d watched her go through hell several months ago when she’d realized Royce was part of their investigation and she’d had to arrest her former training officer. He could only imagine how his murder was going to hit her.

xxxxx

Castle’s eyes were on her the moment she got out of her unit. He could tell, just in the way she carried herself…the tension in her shoulders, the firm set of her jaw...she was torn up and doing everything she could to not appear that way.

“Where is he?” Beckett asked as she approached.

Montgomery stood beside Castle, shaking his head. “Turn around, go back home, and let me handle this.”

“Sir, I’ve seen dead bodies before,” she insisted.

The captain studied her for a moment but knew it was better for everyone if he just let her through. He nodded toward the back of the alley where Lanie was standing.

Castle was immediately at her side as she headed in that direction. “Come on, Kate…you don’t want to remember him like this,” he tried to get through to her.

“Castle, if it were me lying there, would you just walk away?” she turned to look at him.

Just the thought of that possibility sent a chill through his body and made him nauseous. He didn’t have to answer her question; the look he was giving her was answer enough–hell no, he wouldn’t just walk away. He would find whoever had hurt her, and then no one would ever find the body.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” Lanie offered her condolences.

Beckett clenched her jaw and blinked, but Castle could tell she was struggling to hold onto her composure. “Tell me what happened.”

“He was shot in the leg. Judging from the blood trail, I’d say the bullet broke the bone. He tried to hide, but…” she trailed off with a shake of her head. “I found this in his pocket,” she handed Beckett an airplane ticket stub. “He flew in from LA this afternoon.”

Castle took a step closer to Beckett then. “What was he doing in LA?” he asked curiously.

“I heard he moved there after he lost his bounty hunter’s license. I guess he was trying to make a fresh start,” Beckett answered, looking over the ticket stub.

“When was the last time you spoke with him?” he asked her softly.

She swallowed hard, staring at the ticket stub before folding it back. “When I arrested him.” She took a deep breath. “Lanie, could I?”

“Sure,” Lanie answered, stepping out of the way and exchanging a look with Castle as Beckett approached Royce’s body.

Castle watched intently as she crouched down near the body and took a few minutes. He watched as her shoulders tensed a little more. He watched as she touched Royce’s hair and either sniffled or inhaled deeply…he couldn’t tell. He was ready to move to her side the minute she stood and headed back in his direction.

“Royce had something else in his pocket. It’s addressed to you,” Lanie handed her a note.

“Is it about the case?” Castle asked her as she opened it.

After reading for a few moments, Beckett folded the note and put it in her pocket. “No.”

Esposito approached them, carrying a gun. “I think we got the murder weapon. Found it in the garbage around the corner.”

“Gun was definitely fired recently,” Ryan added as he joined them. “Shooter took the time to empty the ammo before he dumped it.”

“Worried we’d find fingerprints on the bullets?” Castle raised the question.

Beckett took the gun and examined it. “This is a cheap street gun. It’s a throw away.” She studied the gun a little more. “There’s threading on the barrel.”

“Silencer?” Castle suggested.

Esposito nodded. “Yeah.”

“Allowing our killer to shoot Royce in broad daylight,” Beckett stated, handing the gun back to Esposito to bag as evidence.

“Listen, Beckett…we’re gonna get this guy,” Ryan assured her. “We got uniforms heading to every store and apartment within a 5-block radius.”

“This is New York. Somebody had to have seen something,” Esposito added.

Castle turned to her, placing his hand on her shoulder lightly after the boys walked away. “Kate…”

“Castle, I’m fine,” she insisted.

“You’re not fine,” he said softly. “Royce was your friend. It’s okay to take a few minutes to grieve,” he added. After a minute, he let his hand fall from her shoulder. “Why don’t you let me take you home? There’s nothing else you can do tonight. You can get some sleep and start fresh on the case in the morning,” he suggested.

Beckett was about to protest when Montgomery walked over to join them. “Alright, you’ve seen him. You paid your respects. Now go home, Beckett.”

“Sir,” she started to protest.

“There’s nothing else you can do here tonight. Dr. Parish won’t have anything for you until she does an exam. Uniforms are canvassing everywhere. Ryan and Esposito will handle anything else. They’ll call you if anything pops. Go home, Beckett. That’s an order.”

She looked between her captain and her partner and finally relented, wordlessly stepping away from them to go back to her unit. Castle was quick to follow her.

“Castle, you go home too,” she told him, stopping him as he went to get into her car. “You just got back from a book tour. I know you’re tired.”

“I’m okay. I can just sit with you. You shouldn’t be alone…you don’t have to be alone,” he offered.

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine,” she assured him.

“Kate…”

“Rick, please,” she said. She needed to be alone. She was going to fall apart when she got home, and the last thing she wanted was for him to see her break like that.

The way she said his name, coupled with the look in her eyes had him nodding. “Okay. I’ll go home. But if you need anything…you call me. Even if all you need is me to sit on the phone with you in silence, ok?”

“Do you even know how to be silent?” she teased lightly, trying to show him that she was okay.

“I do, actually, when it matters. And I’m serious. Call me,” he insisted.

She nodded. “Okay.”

xxxxx

“Beckett, I’m not sending you to LA. You have no solid evidence linking Neal McCauley to this murder,” Montgomery insisted.

“He came to New York for 6 hours. Who flies in for that short a stay?” Castle pointed out.

“Businessmen do it all the time,” Montgomery countered.

“Businessmen don’t use fake IDs,” Castle countered back.

“Or pack silencers,” Beckett added.

Montgomery shook his head. “That’s supposition. I need a lot more than that to justify flying a detective across the country.”

Beckett shook her head as well. “You and I both know the longer I wait to go out there, the colder this trail gets.”

“Take a day to shore this up. And then if there’s sufficient evidence, I’ll contact the LAPD.”

“You’ll contact the LAPD?” Beckett asked incredulously. “This is my case! This happened in our jurisdiction. You think the LAPD is gonna lift a finger?”

“Kate, you’re too close to this!” Montgomery insisted.

“No, Sir, I am committed. I am not compromised.”

“You’re torn up,” he interrupted her. “Kate, things between you and Royce ended badly. I get it. But that emotion is exactly why I need to assign this to someone else.”

Beckett paused then, taking a step back. “You know what? You’re right. I am too close to this. I have some vacation days coming up. I think now would be a good time,” she stated, turning to head out of the office.

“Kate,” he called, stopping her. “I hope you’re not thinking about doing something reckless.”

She turned to face him, meeting his eyes for a long moment. “No, Sir,” she stated, leaving the office.

Castle’s eyes met Montgomery’s and both men seemed to understand each other. Montgomery’s look told Castle to follow her…something he would have done anyway…because neither man believed she was stepping back and doing nothing.

“Where are you going?” Castle called after her.

“Home,” she insisted.

“The hell you are. I know you better than that,” he tried to stop her with a hand on her arm.

“Castle, please,” she pulled it away. “He was my training officer…my friend. I just…I really need to be alone right now,” she told him, making her way to the elevator.

Castle watched helplessly as the doors closed. Why did it always feel like they’d take one step forward and then something happened to make them take two steps back? He was really beginning to hate that dance.

“You know she’s going to LA,” Espo said, coming up behind him.

“I know,” Castle sighed.

“You really think she’s going to just willingly let you go with her?” Ryan asked as he joined them.

“She won’t have much of a choice if she doesn’t find out until the plane is already in the air,” Castle stated simply, already pulling out his phone to check for the next flight to LA, knowing she’d be on it. “Whether she likes it or not, someone’s got to have her back…and I’m her partner.” He headed for the elevator himself; he had a couple of hours to pack a bag and get to the airport, already calling to arrange a hotel suite for them.

xxxxx

Kate Beckett hated the middle seats in airplanes. Unfortunately, that was all that was available to her last minute. She knew she was lucky to have gotten on the flight at all considering she’d been on standby status. Still, being squished between two larger men was going to make for a very uncomfortable flight across the country…especially if the baby screaming in the cabin didn’t eventually tire itself out and fall asleep.

“Excuse me, Detective Beckett?” one of the flight attendants approached her.

“Yes?” she answered.

“You’ve been upgraded to first class.”

Beckett didn’t even question the reason. “Thank you,” she smiled, standing quickly. “I’m sorry…excuse me,” she said to the man, climbing over him to get out of the cramped row. She followed the flight attendant to the first-class cabin.

“Seat 3C,” the attendant told her.

“Thank you,” she smiled her relief. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the man she’d be sitting next to.

“Champagne?” he asked innocently with a smile.

She took the seat beside him, fastening her seatbelt. “Castle, what are you doing?”

He shrugged with a grin. “The studio’s been after me for weeks to fly down and do a set visit for the Heat Wave movie. Imagine my surprise when I saw your name on the standby list,” he took a sip of the champagne.

“You cannot be a part of what I’m gonna do out there,” she told him simply.

“I thought you were on vacation,” he pointed out.

“Castle,” she shook her head. “Look, it’s one thing for you to follow me when we’re in New York, but I’m not a cop in LA. I don’t have any authority or backup,” she told him.

“I’ll be your backup,” he insisted. Seeing her roll her eyes, he continued. “I’m your partner. Besides, going rogue is kind of my specialty.”

“Yeah, but subtlety isn’t,” she countered with a small smile. “I’m not going to get rid of you am I?” she asked him. Seeing him shake his head, she sighed. “Okay, if we do this together you have to promise me that we’re gonna fly under the radar.”

“Of course,” he smiled, offering her the extra glass of champagne.

She studied him for a moment before taking it with another roll of her eyes. She took a sip, offering him a small smile. “Thank you for upgrading me. I was kind of miserable back there.”

“You mean, you didn’t enjoy your seat sandwiched between two of the linemen for the Giants?” he asked with a chuckle.

“No,” she smirked. “The screaming baby didn’t help either.”

He laughed softly. “You’re welcome. Besides, how are we supposed to talk strategy with you in the back of the plane and me in the front?”

“We weren’t supposed to talk strategy at all,” she laughed, nudging his shoulder playfully.

“We have a 6-hour flight, Beckett. It’s going to be a long 6 hours if we don’t talk.”

She smiled and took another sip of her champagne. “Some people sleep on a flight.”

“Are you one of those people?” he asked with a smile.

She shrugged. “Sometimes. Probably not this flight. I’ve got too much on my mind.”

He nodded, placing a hand over hers. “I’m here for whatever you want to talk about,” he offered her a smile. “Or we could just drink,” he joked.

“I think one glass will suffice,” she chuckled, stretching her legs out.

He smiled and squeezed her hand before releasing it. The surprise was evident on his face when she took his hand back in hers a moment later.

“Thanks for coming with me, Castle,” she said softly, offering him a smile and pulling their joined

hands back into her lap.

“Always,” he smiled, stretching his legs out to get comfortable as well.

xxxxx

“Is this what you call under the radar?” Beckett asked, gesturing to the red Ferrari they were currently in.

“In LA, this baby fits right in,” Castle insisted. “So what’s our first stop?”

“My hotel. It’s on Ventura Blvd.”

Castle shot her a look. “That’s all the way in the Valley. How are we supposed to work together if you’re an hour away?”

“Castle, we weren’t supposed to work together at all,” she reminded him.

He shrugged. “Okay, well the studio comped me a two-bedroom suite at a 4-star hotel. You just stay with me,” he stated as though it were a no-brainer.

She snorted a laugh. “Yeah right!”

“What?” he asked, turning to look at her. “You’ll have your own room.”

“No! I am not staying with you!” she insisted, biting back another laugh.

He raised an eyebrow, almost in a challenge. “Worried you can’t control yourself when we’re alone together?”

Her smile faltered only slightly. It was a legitimate concern of hers, yes, considering the current state of their relationship and how close they currently were to crossing the line between friends and lovers…but she wasn’t going to admit that to him. “Actually, it’s not me that I’m worried about,” she replied.

“I assure you, Detective, my intentions are pure,” he insisted as the light they were stopped at turned green. He paused a moment before continuing. “Need I remind you that the last two times we were alone together, you were the one who kissed me,” he commented nonchalantly, keeping his eyes on the road.

She tugged her lower lip between her teeth. She couldn’t even deny that. Even though it had been months ago and she hadn’t ended her relationship with Josh at the time, she’d still been the one to kiss him on Valentine’s Day over wine in his loft. And now that they were both single,

she hadn’t been able to resist kissing him when they’d gone out 3 weeks ago after he’d been so jealous of Alex Conrad.

Yes, they were here to work…at least she was…but she also couldn’t deny the attraction and connection that pulled them together, couldn’t deny that they were one “Yes” from her away from becoming romantic partners in addition to professional ones. Here to work or not, she knew it was a very real possibility that when they were alone together she would give into the temptation that was her desire to be with him. Simply having her own bedroom didn’t guarantee she wouldn’t seek him out in the middle of the night without anything holding her back anymore.

“Fine, I’ll stay with you,” she finally agreed. She knew herself well enough to know there was a very real possibility she would find herself in his bed…or invite him into hers…before they left LA. She only hoped she was ready for everything that entailed. Because once they crossed that last line between them, she knew there would be no going back. If she messed it all up, if they crashed and burned, she would lose him forever…and she wasn’t sure that was a loss from which she’d recover.

xxxxx

“We’re so happy to have you back, Mr. Castle,” Maurice the concierge smiled. “I’ve taken the liberty of setting up the suite just the way you like it.”

“Thank you,” Castle returned the man’s smile.

“And I’ve scheduled a couple’s massage at 7,” Maurice added.

Beckett paused looking around the suite for a moment to cut Castle a look. “Pure, huh?”

Castle’s eyes widened slightly. “Uh, Maurice, you can cancel the couple’s massage. We’re actually here to work, so we won’t be needing that tonight.” He didn’t ask for the champagne or flowers to be removed, however.

Maurice nodded. “Very good, Sir.”

Castle handed the bellhop who handled their luggage a tip and offered Maurice one as well. “Thank you, Maurice.” He followed the men out and closed the double doors behind them. “The last time I was here, I brought this Parisian supermodel, so he…” he trailed off when he caught the look Beckett shot him and he realized bringing up the fact that he’d been with other women here was probably not the best idea considering they were working toward a relationship with each other. “You know, that is not important. Would you like to choose your bedroom?”

She rolled her eyes and went to her carry-on to get her jacket. “No, I would like to start the investigation.”

“But we haven’t even ordered room service yet,” Castle pointed out.

“Castle, I’m not here for room service, I’m here for justice,” she stated, heading for the doors.

“Can’t we have both?” Castle called as he followed her. “Wow. In LA for all of a minute and already she’s spouting cheesy movie dialogue. Must be something in the air.”

xxxxx

“Picture this: a gullible young actress, desperate to make a name for herself. She meets our mastermind at a club. He needs a pretty girl to help him get the voice code. He tells Violet he’s a producer, promises to make her famous if she helps him play a practical joke on a friend,” Castle theorizes. He turns to face Beckett on the couch in the living room area of their suite.

Beckett turns a little more facing him, her elbow resting on the back of the couch with her head resting on her hand. The bottle of champagne from earlier is opened and mostly empty on the coffee table in front of them. “She doesn’t even realize that she’s participating in a crime until afterwards. She can’t call the cops, so she contacts Royce.”

“But then, our Mr. McCauley finds out,” Castle continues to build theory with her.

“And Royce tries to change the game. He goes to New York; home-field advantage. Classic. Classic Royce,” Beckett smiled slightly. “I was so in awe of him, Castle when I first met him. I just hung on his every word. And then later, I realized he was just making up stories to mess with me,” she gave a soft laugh, but her smile faded. “I can’t believe that I’m never gonna see him again.”

He studied her for a moment, shifting just a little closer. “You know what I first thought when I met you?” he asked her.

She turned her attention back to him. “Mm?” she hummed the question.

“That you were a mystery I was never gonna solve. Even now, after spending all this time with you, I’m still amazed at the depths of your strength…your heart…” he trailed off as the faintest smile teased his lips, “and your hotness.”

She looked down for a moment and then met his smile with one of her own. “You’re not so bad yourself, Castle.”

Their eyes locked and they held each other’s gaze. He wanted to kiss her…so badly. Under any other circumstance, he would have. But she was vulnerable now. She was dealing with her grief over the loss of her friend whom he knew she cared for deeply. He wouldn’t be the guy who took

advantage of that. He cared too much about her to be the guy who did that to her. If there was a move to be made, she was going to have to be the one to initiate it.

“I should go. It’s late,” Beckett stood, finally breaking the moment between them as she headed for her bedroom door.

“Kate…”

“Goodnight, Castle,” she stated, stepping inside and closing the door. She leaned against it, running her hands over her face and through her hair. A hundred thoughts were running through her mind: She should have kissed him. Why was she running? How badly she wanted to kiss him. How badly she wanted to lose herself in his arms tonight, let him make her forget everything else but him and the way she knew he would make her feel. But was that fair to him to do it this way? Was it fair to either of them to spend their first night together under these circumstances? Was she ready to fully embrace the depth of her feelings for him? Was she ready to embrace the depth of his feelings for her?

Her hand lingered over the door handle for another moment as she hesitated. The words from Royce’s letter echoed in her mind: And now for the hard part, kid. It’s clear that you and Castle have something real. And you’re fighting it. But trust me, putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake. Risking our hearts is why we’re alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, if only. A moment later, she’d made her decision. She wanted the comfort he would provide. She wanted to touch him, to taste him, to feel him. She just wanted him. She opened the door and met his eyes as he stood from the couch. “Castle…” she breathed from her doorway.

He wordlessly approached her, coming to stand in front of her in her doorway. In her bare feet, she was a good 5 or 6 inches shorter than him, and his eyes were soft as he looked at her. “Kate…” he murmured, unable to resist reaching out to run his fingers gently across her cheek.

Her hands moved to his chest and her eyes closed as she leaned into his touch. Her fingers tightened in his shirt and she pulled him closer against her, opening her eyes to look at his lips.

He leaned down, his lips stopping just before they touched hers. Swallowing hard, he had to make sure. “Kate, I don’t want to take advantage of you,” he murmured in a whisper.

Her nose nuzzled his, her lips moving the tiniest bit closer until they were only a hair’s width apart and she could feel his breath tickling her lips. “You’re not…” she breathed, her lips barely brushing his as she spoke. “If we hadn’t been so busy the past few weeks, this would have already happened…”

He swallowed hard again. She was making it so damn hard to think straight, to try to be the

gentleman. “I thought you wanted to wait…”

The last words from Royce played over again in her head. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, if only. “I’m done waiting,” she told him.

“You won’t regret this in the morning?” he had to ask her. Because he wouldn’t be able to handle it if she did.

“No regrets,” she promised, unable to take it anymore and closing the almost invisible distance between their lips with a slow kiss. She stepped back from him into her room a few moments later, her lower lip tugged between her teeth and the look in her eyes inviting, imploring him to follow her.

He was powerless to resist her now, and he knew it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Opening them a second later, he followed her into her bedroom and closed the door behind him.

xxxxx

IT’S ABOUT TO GET STEAMY

SKIP THIS PART IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ SEXY TIMES

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Her eyes never left his as he approached her. She took the final step toward him necessary to close the distance between them again and took his face in her hands. This time when she kissed him, the dam broke; her feelings for him, their physical attraction to each other, the past two+ years…everything poured into her kiss. She was drowning in his kiss, in him, and for once she didn’t care.

Her tongue ravaged his mouth, and he let her take what she needed, what she wanted from him while his hands gripped her hips and pulled her closer. One hand slowly ran up her back and curled into her hair, deepening the kiss until both needed some oxygen. His mouth ran along her jaw to her neck and finally along her throat, grazing her skin lightly with his teeth as he tasted her.

Her hands moved to his plaid button-up shirt and shoved it over his shoulders, causing him to release his hold on her long enough to yank his arms free from it. She grabbed his t-shirt and tugged it over his head as well, her eyes and fingers traveling the lines of muscle across and down his now bare chest appreciatively. Her lips grazed against the hollow of his neck where it met his chest, her tongue darting out to taste his skin. Her arms moved around him, her fingers sliding up the muscles of his back as she pressed an open-mouth kiss to his chest, smiling against his skin at the low groan that escaped his throat.

When he felt her fingers at his belt before he’d even had the chance to get her shirt off her, he

caught her wrists and brought them to his lips for a gentle kiss. “Not so fast,” he murmured with a smile. He caught her playful look and returned it with one of his own before grabbing the hem of her shirt and bringing it up and over her head. His eyes darkened at the exposed skin, the black lace of her bra a stark contrast against her tanned skin. His fingers gently traced along the length of her bra strap at her shoulder as he circled behind her.

The feel of his lips on her shoulder and then her neck as he pushed her hair aside drew a gasp from her lips. His mouth lightly danced along the curve of her neck as his fingers unclasped her bra. She leaned back against him as his hands slowly slid the straps down her arms until the piece fell from her body to the floor. Her head fell back against his shoulder and her eyes closed as his lips slid to her shoulder, one hand flattening against her stomach to hold her against him, the other moving to her breast, eliciting a soft moan from her lips.

He bit her shoulder gently as he squeezed her breast. One of her hands moved to cover his on her breast, and her other moved to his head, pulling him into a smoldering kiss. As she tugged his lip between her teeth and bit gently, the hand on her stomach slid lower, dipping inside her pants, his fingers lightly tracing along her underwear. She moaned her approval into his mouth and released her grip on his hand to guide the hand in her pants lower until she could press his fingers into the heat between her legs.

Even through her panties, he could feel her arousal, causing him to groan against her lips. “Kate…” he breathed, his mouth moving to her neck as his fingers slipped past the barrier of her underwear to slide between her legs. The feel of his touch where she was already so ready for him caused her hips to buck against his hand and nearly sent her spiraling. The hand still joined with his on her breast flexed and squeezed, while her hand that had guided his into her pants gripped his hip, her fingers curling in his belt loops.

He continued to work her up with his fingers at her core, his lips gently sucking and nipping at her skin, and his other hand on her breast, alternating between massaging and rolling her nipple between his fingers. It wasn’t long before he had her a whimpering mess, his name escaping her lips in a breathless moan as she crashed over the edge. His fingers continued to work her through her orgasm until she couldn’t take it anymore and gripped his forearm, tugging his hand away. He smirked against her skin, moving his hand to her stomach to hold her against him as she recovered, his lips softly caressing her skin.

Once she regained her senses, she turned in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and meeting his smile with one of her own. “Hi,” she murmured, kissing him slowly.

“Hi,” he returned, resting his forehead against hers. He slowly walked her back toward the bed, easing her back and lowering her down on it when her legs hit the edge. He moved over her, capturing her mouth with his in a passionate kiss, his tongue slowly stroking hers. This time when he felt her fingers slide down his chest to his belt, he didn’t stop her.

She easily unfastened his belt and the button on his pants, and then slowly slid the zipper down. Her fingers teased just underneath the waistband of his boxers before her hands moved to his hips. She pushed both his jeans and boxers over his hips, her hands sliding around to grab his ass, squeezing the ample flesh as she pulled him into the cradle of her thighs. “Get them off…” she murmured, her lips brushing against his jaw as she pushed them as far down as she could.

He did as he was told, standing and removing his last remaining clothing. She pushed up to her elbows to watch, her eyes darkening as she took in the sight of him for the first time. She sat up, her hands moving to his hips as she pulled him to stand in front of her.

“Kate…you don’t have to…” he started.

“I know,” she met his eyes with a smile. She knew he would never expect or even ask her to do what she was about to do. But she wanted him, wanted all of him; she had for awhile. “I want to taste you.”

Her lips pressed a soft kiss to his stomach, glancing up at him as one hand moved to his length, her slender fingers stroking him slowly. She smirked against his skin at the low groan and moved her mouth to his hip, nipping playfully before blazing a trail of open mouth kisses across his skin as she worked her mouth further down. She looked up at him watching her and saw his eyes close as she ran her tongue the length of him before taking him in her mouth and sucking gently.

It took all of his willpower not to buck his hips into her mouth, but he somehow managed. He forced himself to keep his eyes open, watching her, one hand tangling in her hair…not to guide her movement, but to simply caress her. After a few moments, he hand to stop her. “Kate…” he managed to choke out her name on a strangled moan, his hand gently caressing her cheek. “I can’t…you’ve got to stop…or it’s going to be over to soon…” he managed to get out, trying to force his breathing to return to normal.

She raised an eyebrow, slightly amused as she leaned back on her elbows. He moved with her, leaning down to kiss her again, moaning against her lips as her tongue sensually tangoed with his. His hands gripped her leggings and pulled them down her legs slowly, standing to toss them aside as she shifted to push herself up on the bed, resting her head on the pillows.

He crawled up the bed to her with a grin, dropping soft kisses to the inside of her knee and trailing his tongue along the skin of her thigh. When he reached her underwear, he paused and looked up at her. “You’re sure?” he asked her again.

She pushed up on her elbows so she could gently caress his face. “Make love to me, Rick…” she told him softly, pulling him to her for a slow, deep kiss as she slid her body against his.

He groaned, wrapping her in his arms as he deepened the kiss. When he finally broke away, he pushed up to his knees and hooked his fingers in her panties, drawing them down her legs slowly before dropping them to the floor to the side of the bed. He swallowed hard as his eyes traveled over her body slowly. “You’re beautiful, Kate…” he murmured in awe. His hand slowly, lightly ran up her thigh as he settled between her legs.

He trailed kisses across her stomach before getting sidetracked by the tattoo on her hip, which she’d fully expected, tracing the outline with his tongue. His mouth continued it’s path, until his tongue dipped inside her, finally tasting her, and he knew at that moment he was addicted. Each touch of his fingers to her skin, each press of his lips, each stroke of his tongue was reverent, as though her body was a temple at which he was worshiping. He took his time as he worked her up, enjoying the taste of her, enjoying the soft moans and whimpers of pleasure as he explored her body, learning the way she liked to be touched so intimately.

It wasn’t long before she was moaning his name as she came, her fingers clenching in the comforter on the bed. He gently but firmly held her hips in place as mouth continued to work her through her orgasm, and then suck on her bundle of nerves until she quickly came undone again, his name falling from her lips in a strangled scream. Only when her fingers curled in his hair and pulled him away slightly did he move his mouth to her hip, biting enough to leave a mark and soothing it with his tongue.

His kisses were slow and gentle as they moved back up her body, giving her time to recover. It wasn’t until he was settled in the cradle of her thighs with her hips rocking against his as they kissed passionately that he realized–he didn’t have protection on him. “Kate…” he pulled away breathlessly. “I didn’t bring…I mean, I didn’t expect that we would…I don’t have condoms…”

“Neither do I…You don’t carry one in your wallet?”

“Not if I don’t think I’m going to need it…which I didn’t…because we weren’t together…and I did not come out here with the intention of sleeping with you…” he murmured, moving to shift off her.

She gently stopped him, her fingertips lightly caressing his jaw. “Castle, it’s okay,” she assured him softly, pressing a kiss to his chin. “I’m clean. And I’m on birth control. So I’m good without one if you are.” He was the only man she would ever consider doing this with, and only because she trusted him implicitly. She'd never even had unprotected sex with Josh. There was no one she trusted the way she trusted Castle.

He stared at her for a moment, because he knew the level of trust that she was putting in him with that statement, with that action. “I’m clean…” he promised. “You’re…you’re really sure about this, Kate? Because I can’t promise you I’ll be able to pull out before I…”

She interrupted him with a kiss. “I’m sure. I trust you completely, Rick…”

This time it was him who cut off her words with a deep kiss. I love you, was right on the tip of his tongue to say, but he didn’t dare say it now. He’d told her before…on more than one occasion, admittedly not always at the best moment. The last thing he wanted was to send her running now if she wasn’t ready to hear those words from him again. Instead, he’d show her.

One of his hands found hers and he laced their fingers, pushing their joined hands above her head. His other hand lightly caressed her thigh and shifted, meeting her eyes as he slowly slid inside her. She gasped softly, and his forehead rested against hers as they both took a moment to savor the connection.

Her hand squeezed his and her free hand caressed his cheek as her lips met his again in a tender kiss. One of her legs hooked over his hip, pulling him in closer, and a soft moan escaped her throat. Another moan escaped, this time from each of them, as she rocked her hips against his to get him to move.

They exchanged breathless kisses, gentle caresses, soft moans as their bodies moved together almost seamlessly, meeting each other perfectly, each knowing what the other needed or wanted as though they were in a well-choreographed dance and not coming together for the first time.

As he felt his climax approaching, he released her hand and shifted so that he had a deeper angle. “Kate…I’m close…” he warned dropping his mouth to her neck.

Her lips moved to his ear as her hands slid down his back, her nails raking across his skin. “Let go with me…inside me…” she panted breathlessly, tugging on his ear with her teeth as her legs pulled him in closer to reinforce her words.

Her breathless moans and the way she moved her body with his, the way her legs tightened around his waist, was enough to push him over the edge and pull her with him. He thrust a few more times until he was completely spent, and dropped down, rolling them so she was on top of him.

xxxxx

SEXY TIMES IS OVER

IT IS SAFE TO READ AGAIN

EVERYTHING BELOW IS RATED T

They stayed wrapped in each other's arms silently, both catching their breath. He caught her hand drawing patterns on his chest after a few minutes and brought it to his lips for a gentle kiss.

“You were right…I had no idea,” he admitted with a grin.

She laughed softly and pushed herself up on his chest to look at him. “You still don’t,” she grinned. Seeing his look, she kissed him as she laughed again. “That was just a preview,” she murmured against his lips before pushing herself up off the bed. “Be right back,” she promised, pressing one last kiss to his lips before disappearing into the bathroom.

When she returned, he’d gotten under the covers and made no attempt to hide his enjoyment in the fact that she hadn’t bothered to put any of her clothes…or his…back on to cover up. She met his gaze with an amused arch of her eyebrow, turning the lights off on her way back to bed. “Staring is still creepy, bud.”

He chuckled as she slipped back into bed beside him. “Can’t help it,” he shrugged, turning on his side to look at her. “I told you before…I’m still amazed at your hotness.” He couldn’t help but reach out and let his fingers trace along her curves.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” she echoed her own words from earlier, sliding closer to kiss him. She grinned against his lips as he deepened the kiss and threw her leg over his hips, quickly straddling him, running her hands over his chest as she stared down at him. “You wanna find out what you really had no idea about?” she asked in a husky tone, already sliding her body sinfully against his as she bit her lower lip.

He swallowed hard, his hands moving to her thighs. “Yes, please,” he managed to choke out. The way she was moving her body against his was similar to every fantasy and wet dream he’d had about her since that undercover date in the club back in February. Only now it was real…she was really here, it was really her body moving against his, and it was better than any fantasy.

She leaned down to kiss him with a wicked grin. “Your safe word still apples?” she purred against his lips.

All he could do was nod.

xxxxx

Okay, I am aware this is only the first half of the LA episode. I went a little crazy here…I told you guys it was a favorite of mine! And I am sorry, but you will have to wait until I return from vacation to get the chapter dealing with the second half of the episode. But I did make this a long one to tide you over in the meantime!

I really hope you enjoyed this one! And I look forward to reading all your comments for those who leave them!

[grapejuicestyless]

Two People

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Summery: They still love each other, but they can not communicate it. Inspired by the song “Two People” by Gracie Abrams.

Conrad sat out on the beach, his hair blowing the way the wind took it. He wore that same red sweatshirt it seemed he always had on these days. Paired with that same lifeless black and white expression that graced his beautiful face.

A cigarette hung between his pointer and middle finger, daring to fall into the sand if he moved too suddenly. The ash already piling below him. The paper burning quickly, Conrad oblivious to it or, uncaring if he had known.

“I figured I might find you out here.” My words were soft, unsure of how he was feeling.

I used to know Conrad. Know how he was feeling based solely on his posture or the way he put effort into himself on certain days. If he breathed heavy or not, I could see right through him. Physically, I guess I still knew him. I always would. He would always be there, sitting in the sand at the summer home, distant in his mind but here none the less. Mentally, I knew nothing of him, it seemed. His interests all slipping away and his upsets unknown. Changing too quick for me to keep up.

“Here I am.” His words were just as quiet, floating off into the empty space surrounding us.

Turn around, why are you talking so slowly?

Speechless. Something that never happened between us. A conversation flowing easily between us. One that never had to be thought on as the other never took anything too seriously. Now it felt like everything was so much deeper. Like each word needed to be carefully crafted to even get a response from him.

“I see why you spend so much time down here, it’s beautiful.” The smile on my face was genuine, and heavy. The waves serving a reminder to all the time we spent down at Cousins together. My heart beating through my chest in hope that I could get something started again.

“I guess.” He shrugged, twisting the bud in his hand out in the sand. I guess that answered my question. He was always so observant so it was obvious, but he was never careless. Not until this summer.

My attempts dead on the very sand where we once laid playing around for hours. Tangled in each others limbs. Playing best friends while behind secure walls, we were so much more.

I was in love, not stupid. Even in my heartache I could see that I was not welcome here in the storm that Conrad was causing with his own actions. Sand fell as I stood. I wiped it off my skin as he had done to my attempts to try to relearn him. And left.

Why's it feel like you don't even know me?

How are you looking at me like a stranger?

I'm a radar for every deal breaker

It was the same internal fight each week. My brain finally convincing my heart that in his change of heart, it was time to erase the memories of our nonexclusive relationship. A messy summer love that was a mistake, obviously. Yet with each moving on, he was there to remind me of why it had begun in the first place.

Each date ending unsatisfactory. Each boy not able to deliver the same love that he had. Each kiss dull compared to the sparks that shocked me when his lips pressed against mine.

And each one ending in my hands pressed against my eyes, back hunched and knees bent in the stools near the island countertops. The lightest room in the dark. Each time he was there, idly passing through to grab something that could be added to the pile of mess in his once neat bedroom. Usually he was silent.

“Honestly, I don’t know why you keep trying.” Usually.

My head shot up, slower than it felt but the pounding inside of my skull from another wasted night made everything worse. If my face hadn’t fallen before, it had now.

“I don’t know Conrad, at least I’m trying.” It was meant to be a dig at his lack of presence in my life. I believe that he knew that, but I lacked all fight. Each bone in my body aching, a lingering tiredness never leaving.

“Maybe you should stop, it’s not doing you any good.”

“What, like you?” My voice on edge, my eyes shot daggers at him. He stood there, back against the counters, water bottle in hand. He shrugged. Not even trying to seem like he cared.

“You know, I loved you so hard for a time. I don’t know why I did, honestly.” Like a ghost, I had slipped from the scene almost as if I had never even been there. Like my words and my impulsive confession ceased to exist.

I've tried to ration it out all my life

We could go yellow to black overnight

I never wanted to fight her, never trying to hurt her. But I couldn’t be present in her life without bringing her down. It was my own fault for getting stuck in the head. My lack of enthusiasm was only mine to blame.

I believed by downplaying how crushed I was when the world crashed around me, I could avoid it. And in that, I pushed away the one good thing in my life, forced to watch as she searched for another to fill her heart after I’d so cruelly crushed it.

I take you for granted because you are mine. Something she no longer was. Mine. She would always be near, only just down the hall. But we weren’t what we once were. No longer together, only coexisting.

Don't know what to say

Two People can change

Don’t think we’re above

Might happen to us.

Isn’t it strange?

We’ll die anyway

Don’t think we’re above

Might happen to us, mm

Each day was worse than the next, a reminder of what was lost only feet away from me, his voice still ringing in my ears. Each shirt sentence he mumbled or sloppy action somehow resurfacing an old memory. Years of togetherness that once held me together only ripping me further apart.

How strange it was to be a stranger in your own story. Someone you couldn’t even recognize. A sour mood the only thing I felt, the only thing Conrad and I seemed to still have in common. The rest of our interests dying with his own will.

And it was all so…lonely.

Now to make sense of half of a decade

Feels like walking alone on the freeway

The quiet bedrooms, the neat couch cushions. The clean counters the still hammocks. Each suffering their own loneliness in my own. Each sharing their own memories of Conrad and I.

Of how he’d baked with me in the kitchen, throwing around the flour just to get a reaction out of me. White powder coating both of our shirts.

Of how we’d lay intertwined on the couch, his hand in mine and his heart beating in my ear. The movie unimportant as I had the most interesting thing right next to me. The most important thing.

How we’d spent each night in his room, playing cards and laughing as quietly as possible. Pillows thrown in faces and clothes scattering on the floor. Hands on my hips and skin touching skin. Feet buried in the comforter, lips pressed to mine, breath nonexistent in those moments we spent so close. Much closer than friends should be. The hammock getting our after, hairlines sweaty and faces red. Not because we were ashamed, but because it was so much more than we thought it could’ve been. His legs tangling over mine and his shirt covering my body. A routine that was so familiar it was still vivid in my mind.

His touch, his voice, how everything felt with him. Safe.

'Cause you know everything that could kill me

And you know, you know every inch of my body

Now it all felt so, fake. Something that seemed more of a distraction. His unwanted behaviors towards me hinting that in the end, he never truly cared for me. He never really wanted me. I could hold on, hoping for something that would never come but I refused to allow him to hold such power over me. Life would go on and I could move on.

I loved you so hard for a time

So why am I clawin' at you to survive?

She was all I saw, the only thing I ever wanted, needed. Her smile infectious and her voice like honey. So sweet and calming. My first love. Sometimes-no, all the time I swear she is the only girl I could ever love. The only person I could see myself with. My counterpart. My equal.

I missed her touches on my cheeks, cold hands from the pool water nice on my cheeks. She’s tell me I was cold hearted, I’d promise it was only for everyone else. How I would be warm for her, loving for her. Maybe I said it too quietly, she could’ve never heard the promise. Maybe that’s why it all ended so abruptly. My touches no longer feeling enough and my quiet body sitting by hers not nearly enough.

I had failed her, I saw it from the beginning. I wish I knew what to say, to make it all right, to convince her I still cared. How I hadn’t changed, just forgot how to show how I felt. But it was far too late, and I was sure she hated me by now.

Hate how we touched just to push things aside

When you take me for granted, I make it alright

When summer ended, it was just as quiet as it had began. Conrad’s presence distant and uncaring. His face blank and his body paler than last summer. Hair untamed and eyes red.

It was almost like someone had swapped the real Conrad for a fake, a twin that looked like him, but inside could never match the depth of him.

When I left that summer, it wasn’t drawn out like last time. It wasn’t us hiding underneath the bedsheets so Laurel and Belly would have to chase, Steven threatening to drive off without me. It was my feet cemented to the driveway, head tilted downward in each hug, not truly believing anything was real.

When Conrad and I met to say our goodbyes, it felt just as empty as our hellos, and I knew we wouldn’t be talking over the colder months.

Don't know what to say

Two people can change

Don't think we're above

Might happen to us

Oh, isn't it strange?

We'll die anyway

Don't think we're above

Might happen to us, mm

Mm, mm, mm, mm

Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm

Seeing her so down that morning was something I had wished I never saw. The life drained from her skin, and it was all my doing. How lively she had been in June, eager to pick up where it left off, only to be treated like dirt. Something I regretted each day.

Still, I believed she was beautiful. Even in our empty goodbye, one that held no real meaning, I promised I would try to make up for the lost time. I would try to get her back each day. Until my calls were sent straight to voicemail and my texts left dry and unread. I would hold on until I had nothing left to give. So even if I lost her, I could say I tried.

Don't know what to say

Two people can change

Don't think we're above

Might happen to us

Isn't it strange?

We'll die anyway

Don't think we're above

Might happen to us, mm

[sirianasims]

Samuel stopped visiting us. I spoke to Kailani, but we agreed to let them figure it out themselves. Still, it was hard to watch. Freya wasn’t at all her usual, fiery self.

She had always had quite the temper. I stubbornly claimed that she must have gotten it from Katherine, but I knew that my own temper had been terrible as well, at least before I learned to control it.

It wasn’t too bad when she was younger, but the older she got, the worse her tantrums had become. Like Katherine, she could be glorious in her fury if she felt that something was unfair. But after losing her friendship with Samuel, she became despondent.

Normally, I’d be happy that my teenage daughter was this easy to get along with, but Freya’s lack of snarky comebacks was worrying. She never argued with me, but she also never laughed.

She barely even smiled, except when spending time with either Grace, our boxer, Daisy, or the new cat, Turtle.

The house had felt too empty with just old Mimi left, so we had gotten them to replace Cooper and Zoe.

I knew from experience how helpful pets could be when everything seemed hard to deal with, so I was glad that Freya had bonded so quickly with Daisy, but I was still starting to get worried. Maybe she had inherited my tendency towards depressive episodes? Something needed to change.

“I’m going to bed, goodnight.”

“Freya, I know that you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine, dad. Just leave me alone.”

“OK, fine, I get that you don’t want to talk to me, but do you want to talk to your mother, then? Maybe go visit her for a while?”

She turned on me, her voice suddenly dripping with bitterness.

“Oh, so you can once again get rid of me when I’m too much trouble? Like mom did so she could be alone while fucking Conrad? Or like you did when I was little so you could fuck, well, everyone?”

For a moment, I was speechless. Shock, anger and shame were all fighting to take the lead.

“Freya, what the…”

She wiped her eyes and started turning away.

Anger won.

“FREYA! YOU WILL STAY THE FUCK HERE UNTIL I’M DONE TALKING TO YOU!”

She froze, her eyes wide. I had never yelled at her like that before.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. Then I spoke through gritted teeth.

“Talk to me. Now.“

For a moment, neither of us spoke. Freya glared at a spot on the floor, blinking away tears.

I took another deep breath. I felt the connection to my daughter floating in the air like a faint line, thin as a hair.

One wrong move from either of us and it could snap.

My anger dissipated.

“Freya, honey, that was out of line. And so was I. I’m sorry for yelling. You need to tell me what is going on, because I am trying to help you. Why would you think I could ever want to get rid of you?”

And then, finally, she started talking. About how I had never wanted her in the first place, that she was an accident. How she had ruined my life and how no one could ever love her.

Everyone just kept leaving her – me, her mother, Samuel.

I was devastated. I tried to sort through all the half-truths and misunderstandings, to explain to her how loved she was. I explained that I had to let her go when she was little because I was being a terrible father, and how happy I had been when she moved back in four years ago.

I wanted to be completely honest with her. I told her how much I was struggling during the first seven years of her life. With depression, with alcohol. How I had been trying to run away, not from her but from myself, from the guilt of feeling inadequate as her father.

She was quiet through it all, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks.

“Freya. I love you and Gracie more than anything. You girls are my life. And you were there first. I’m sorry that I wasn’t ready when you arrived, but that was not your fault. Your mother and I made a lot of mistakes, but you are the one thing we ever got right. I’ve done my best to catch up, to be the dad you deserve -“

I stopped, my voice breaking.

Freya stepped closer and clung to me like she was drowning. I held her tight.

“I love you, monkey. Forever and always.”

“I love you too, dad.”

beginning / previous / next

[kierreras]

This is a little rant that contains spoilers.

i don’t get when bellyjere just say that the cheating plot is the only reason belly and conrad could’ve been endgame because that’s not it. the cheating is one thing but the underlying issue that made jeremiah cheat in the first place is the fact belly was disconnected from him and she will always love conrad more than him. he always knew this.

yes, he cheated and that broke something in their relationship but let’s not act like their relationship was not going to implode sooner or later because it already was. belly will never love jeremiah the way she loves conrad and not being with him would always be in her mind.

so the issue is not “they had to ruin jeremiah’s character” the issue is that jeremiah was a replacement. a second choice. and he knew this and still decided to pursue a relationship. belly was too attached to her only unstable relationship and the love she feels for jeremiah to break them up plus wanting to convince herself conrad isn’t the love of her life.

maybe them not getting married at all was the best thing because that marriage was going to be a miserable affair for the both of them.

thank you for such an interesting rant, i cannot agree more with what you said! the thing that i don't understand with bellyjere is why jere supporters would want him to be with someone whose first choice is not him. make it make sense, please. i know that it's a topic for another rant, but still. for me it's obvious that belly was never fully into her relationship with jeremiah in the books. several times she specifically stated that she always feels some kid of pull towards conrad, she was never able to move on from him. in the show belly specifically said "there's only you, conrad". it's pretty clear who's in belly's heart. and jere's cheating was a catharsis that made belly realise that her and jeremiah want different things from life. also, belly was struggling even at the beginning of the third book because her and jeremiah are very different - she's not the social butterfly like he, she's not one of the popular kids, she doesn't like his group of friends, etc. so we can also add those things to the list of the reasons why belly was disconnected from their relationship. and above all those things there's also conrad, who she can never escape. so yeah, at one point bellyjere relationship was doomed to explode cause there were so many other factors involved. i think the books and the show are doing amazing job at foreshadowing the outcome of the series cause, putting aside me being bellyconrad girlie, i can see the signs that jeremiah and belly would not work in the big perspective. so i think cheating isn't a reason, i think it's mostly an outcome, you know. and yes, belly and jeremiah made the best decision for everyone by calling off the wedding. i remember that i was soooo relieved when reading last chapters of the book. even if the bellyconrad's outcome wasn't really clear at that point, but i was just so thankful that belly and jere aren't ruining their lives by that marriage.

[ainyan]

“I’m sorry, Szah’li.” He paused as they walked along the dusty road leading away from Specula Imperatoris, blinking at the sere landscape ahead of them as he tried to process her words. “I shouldn’t have - I lost my head a little, back there.”

Turning, he eyed Alisaie warily, as if expecting some kind of trick to come from this unexpected show of contrition. “It’s fine,” he replied with characteristic shortness. Seeing the glint in her dark eyes, he shrugged and added, “You pulled it together. You helped those in need first. Everyone was a little overwhelmed by what happened, but you didn’t let it get to you.”

Alisaie made a sound of exasperation. “I know, but I never should have allowed myself to become distracted in the first place. It’s just - it’s Alphinaud,” she finished lamely. “He’s my brother. He’s more than my brother. We’re - we…” She trailed off, struggling to find the words to describe her feelings.

Szah’li let her flounder for a moment, then sighed, closing his eyes. “Alisaie, I understand.”

She shook her head, her attention more on her thoughts than on him. “No. I mean, I know you had siblings - or I guess you did,” she added, frowning to realize she knew almost nothing about him. “But-”

“I had a twin sister, Alisaie,” he interrupted her flatly.

His words fell into silence as she stared at him. He could see the moment she processed his exact phrasing; her eyes grew wide and her face softened. “I… Szah’li.”

He wished he’d kept his mouth shut, but the miqo’te was truly out of the bag, and there was no point in letting the questions linger between them. “Her name was Sajena,” he said quietly. “She was older than me by about a quarter of an hour, and bossy with it. You know,” he added, seeing Alisaie’s mouth twitch. “Irritating and demanding and always fucking right.” It hit him as it always did, with a sudden gut-punch that left him breathless. “Gods, but I miss her.”

Alisaie was silent, and after a moment, Szah’li turned and began walking again. He heard the crunch of boots on gravel behind him and assumed the red mage was following him. Moments later, she darted up beside him, falling into step. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

He should have known she’d not let it go. “How could you?” he asked. “I don’t speak of it. To anyone,” he added, hoping she would get the hint.

What was he thinking? “I know. Alphinaud says it’s like pulling teeth learning anything about you.”

Bloody Scions, always so damn curious. Szah’li stopped again, and Alisaie stumbled to a halt beside him, turning to look at his impassive face. “She died,” he said softly, voice emotionless, “when the rest of my family died. They’re all gone, Alisaie. Not just Sajena. So believe me when I tell you I understand what was going through your mind when we saw the tower collapse. The same thing,” he added, reaching out to touch her forehead with one gentle forefinger, “that goes on up here every time you two are separated. Because you’re just like Sajena. A firebrand who loves the hell out of her brother. ‘Jena would have done anything for me, and you’d do anything for Alphinaud. And just as we’d,” he murmured, “do anything for you.”

When she remained silent, staring at him, he lowered his hand, holding her dark blue eyes for a moment longer. Finally, he shrugged. “So no more apologies because you worry about him. I get it. But,” he added when he heard her draw in a breath, “I really don’t want to talk about it right now. Things are a little too…” He trailed off, thinking of Conrad’s lifeless body, of the twisted remains of the tower and of those caught beneath the wreckage. “Raw.”

“Fine. That’s… you’re right,” Alisaie replied, only a little grudgingly. Relieved, he began walking again, the elezen at his side. “Maybe, when things calm down…”

He wanted to tell her no. He’d only told his story willingly to two others. Another had seen it through his eyes, through his Echo, but they’d never spoken of it before she’d passed on from his life. What had happened that fateful night not quite two years ago had happened to a different person, a different man. And yet, when he opened his mouth to tell her this, the words that spilled out came of their own volition. “Yeah. Sure. When things calm down, we can talk about it.”

He didn’t need to see her face to know she was staring at him. “Uhm. Good,” she said hesitantly. “Good. Okay then. Later.”

There was no need to reply, and they walked on towards Ala Ghiri in silence, each caught up in their own thoughts, their own memories, and their own regrets.

[purpledaisiesthings]

Oh man, we got some triggered fans out there. They must recognize Conllie’s amazing chemistry and how Conrad is all about Billie for them to be out here throwing hissy fits. Where was all this energy when he was dating Cade? Exactly. We ALL knew that ship wasn’t to be taken seriously as possible endgame. Now that Conllie is canon and we know is endgame, they throw shade at Conrad. They know that man loved Nic and was devastated when she died. They also see how deeply in love he is now. It is different, Nic and Billie are two different people. Conrad was a different person when he was with Nic than he is now with Billie. It’s hard to compare the two. I have my own opinion about it. Let’s just say the way I see it, Conrad is going to have a whole new set of experiences with Billie than he did with Nic. He’ll more than likely live a longer life with Billie, possibly have at least another child with her while they raise Gigi together, experience a lot more together as a couple than he did with Nic, those are the facts. Of course, Nic will always have a special place in his heart, that will never change. Maybe that’s why some fans are triggered because the reality is Conrad will more than likely have more experiences with Billie by his side than Nic. Who knows.

They are triggered anon and I'm living for it ngl 😄😄😄

It's so funny to me how they just switched on Conrad once Conllie was confirmed endgame 😄. All because it was Billie. They weren't up in pitchforks when he was dating Cade or when he was having that fling with Gigi's teacher. But now that his love is shown to be for Billie he's not a good person anymore 🙄😒 lol

They're triggered because their idea of who their precious Conrad should be with is not the reality. So they look for several excuses that make them feel better. He's acting out of character, he's still hung up on Nic, he must not have loved Nic if he's falling for her best friend, he's not really in love with Billie, or whatever other nonsense they're saying.

They act like Conrad loving Nic and the life he had with her makes it impossible for him to love and spend the rest of his life with Billie. It's not mutually exclusive.

As you said, Nic and Billie are two different people and Conrad is in a totally different stage in his life since Nic. He's gonna have a different experience, a different love, and a different life with Billie now. He's even more mature now. He's a father. So he's not just thinking about himself anymore. Of course the love he would experience now would be different. Nic is never going to come back. But their time together plus her passing are some of the things that have molded him into the man he is today.

Comparing them is just dumb and a disservice to both of these amazing women.

I like the point you made about Conllie growing old together and experiencing a lot more together. Lol anon you're gonna make them more triggered 😄

[mermaidsirennikita]

Would you rank the IAD heroines?

I mean, I've only gotten to know four out of like... 17ish? Not sure, I know there are 2-3 novellas and like 16-17 full length books, but I believe one of those novellas is m/m (sadly it is far down the line because I reeeeeeeally wanna read it).

But thus far, I think my heroine ranking is pretty reflective of the hero rating, and how I'd rank their books. Sometimes I'll really enjoy a hero or heroine and their story is less than idea.

But anyway, on to the ladies.

Neomi Laress, ghost/phantom, Dark Needs at Night's Edge. I absolutely adore Neomi. She may be my favorite romance heroine EVER. Neomi sees a crazy virgin vampire and goes "I can break that pony in right". She does a striptease with the immortal line, "Still not stimulating enough? Maybe Conrad wants to see my panties instead?" in order to PROVE TO HERSELF THAT HE CAN SEE HER LMAO. But she's also soooo sex positive, genuinely. She loves sex, she has no shame about being a burlesque dancer in the past, she takes such joy in not only being pleased but pleasing, and she wants him to have a full life, which, for him, will include sex. So breaking him in is basically charity, except she falls in love. I also love that Neomi became a ghost, basically, because she was so fucking angry that her horrible ex killed her right when she bought her own house that she just wasn't able to leave this earth. I love her, I love her.

Mariketa the Awaited/Awakened, witch, Wicked Deeds on a Winter's Night. Another forever girl, who I love almost as much as Neomi. A woman who got a college cheerleading scholarship and then dropped out of college. Has a hot pink bedroom with pom poms. Is also a witch of immense potential power. I knew I was gone for Mariketa after it was revealed that she brought a vibrator with her to the jungle while on a mystical quest for a time travel key thing, and I'm fairly certain that's when Bowen knew he was gone for Mariketa. When that moron called her the wrong name when he came and she dramatically left him a fuck you note in the mud and ran off to make a point before he stole her away to a private island? My GIRL. I love how blithe and fun Mariketa is. I love that her husband is her "beast familiar" and her parents know this, so her parents know she gets fucked doggy style in the dirt all night at least once a month. Good for Mariketa, I love all this for her.

Emmaline Troy, vampire/valkyrie hybrid, A Hunger Like No Other. A lot of people shit on Emma because she's so timid, but I actually find her to be really fun. Understandably, she's terrified when this giant wolf man takes off with her. She grows into her boldness, her new role as the werewolf queen--she fucking kills the vampire king, for fuck's sake (who is her father!!!). And as problematic as A Hunger Like No Other was... I enjoyed the old school romance style sexual awakening of Emma. It's not what I want taught to kids lmao, but it was a good story. Also, she summons lightning when she comes hard, and I think that's fun.

Kaderin the Coldhearted, valkyrie, No Rest for the Wicked. I like Kaderin a lot, but I don't know that I looove Kaderin. So many people do, I'm sure. She's a total badass. I love that she wears vampire fangs as trophies and then falls in love with one. I relate to her fear of emotional intimacy (maybe too much). I wish she'd been like... a little more accepting of Sebastian's love, but I get that this was the plot, so on, so on. I feel like Emma's rejection of Lachlain and Mariketa's rejection of Bowen felt more... authentic, though? Because Lachlain and Bowen were literal beasts, whereas Sebastian was honestly pretty accommodating. Even if he was a vampire.

[tiny-as-a-firely]

@incalescentia // prev. post

Dorothea closed her eyes as she listened to Connie read, allowing herself to be content in that moment. His reading voice held the same steady beat that it did when they were sixteen and little idiots, even if it sounded a bit different back then, and it was easy to let herself get lost in that moment, so much so that she hadn't realized how much time had passed. She found herself thinking that if life was different, if they could just live in this one moment for eternity, then...well, maybe they would have a different ending, if all she needed in life was a small corner of an old bookstore with the one person she loved the most.

After wandering out of the bookstore, the thought of going home stuck her with panic right in the middle of her chest. It's almost like Conrad was reading her mind when he held onto her hand and tugged her towards Central Park, the place they fell into one another, slowly but surely.

Dora smiled as she settled into their spot, running her fingers through the grass, resisting the urge to pluck the blades like when she was little. "This is my favorite place in the world, too." And she meant it - even though her heart was calling to her to explore other places, live other dreams, see what's out there, she knew that a part of her would always belong to this place, this moment.

"I knew you liked me way before you admitted it." Dora grinned, giving his hand a squeeze and pulling it to her lap so that he could fiddle with his fingers while listening to the wind sing. "You weren't exactly subtle. Remember when we ditched spare period and Mrs. Brown caught us making out here? I thought she'd never let us live it down." Dora's eyes brimmed with tears at the nostalgia, at the memory of their favorite teacher sitting front-row at their wedding. "To this day I still think that assigned us seats beside each other on purpose. The woman couldn't stop meddling to save her life."

A pang of hurt hit her chest once more as she scooted closer to him, resting her head on Conrad's shoulder. She inhaled softly, trying to commit his cologne to memory, his warmth, the way that he shifts closer to meet her. She could feel the night waning, coming to an end, could feel the precipice of what she would have to do soon, and even though she knows it's what she wants, knows it's what's best, she knows a piece of her will be left behind on this night, in this park, under these stars, with this man.

"We should probably go home soon, huh?" The air had grown chilly around them as if it was anticipating what was to come. Her hands had grown cold, and one by one groups of people had been trickling out of the park around them, until it was easy to believe that they were the last two people in the universe. If only that were so.

[lunaetis]

@75bpm asked :

kissing your lover after believing you’d lost them . - give us conrad and cattleya content thx

↪     𝑲𝑰𝑺𝑺  ﹠ ᵀᴱᴸᴸ . || accepting

─「カトレア」─  the AUTO MEMORY DOLL couldn't remember the last time she felt this scared, this terrified, of the what could've been. they were still at war, so the feeling of uncertainty surfaced almost every second they breathed. whether or not they would still be alive come the next day, whether or not the peace they attained by fighting the enemies would last. what if something happened ? what if someone found him ? what if. what if. what if.

                from that night she first met him, that night where their EYES met, that gripping fear never left her. it dug deeper with each passing day, it crawled at her back whenever he looked at her and she felt her heart skipping a beat. that deep rooted fear became a reminder that PEACE might not last. that this little happiness they managed to find was only temporary.

                that FEAR was made true on a fateful day, when they both opened the door to the ch postal company and there stood dietfried bougainvillea, the naval captain along with his TRUSTED WEAPON in a form of a girl with sunlit golden locks.

                cattleya witnessed it, in that split second, the flame of war that was ignited within his gaze. and she knew, she knew, there was no TURNING BACK to that peaceful time any longer.

                the naval captain was attacked, his undine had dealt with him.

                she couldn't remember the last time she felt this scared, this terrified, of what could've been.

                please don't hurt him. please don't execute him. he didn't do anything wrong ! please don't — she heard herself plead, heard her voice pitch in a sense of desperation that rippled through her form. and she BEGGED that her worst nightmare didn't come true. she prayed to what ever power above that he would be safe. that flicker of a moment where she saw that flame in his eyes, why didn't she stop him ? why didn't she talk to him ? assaulting a HIGH-RANKED OFFICER was punishable by death, she knew that.

                when the door was opened, and the FAMILIAR SILHOUTTE of the soldier who owned her very heart came to view, cattleya felt relief washed over her. she was still shaking, but he was alive. he was here. there were bandages around his hands, around his arms, and he had bruises all over his face as though he had just gotten out of a rough fight, his wrists were cuffed, too.

                but he was alive. he's here.

                the DISTANCE between them was gone swiftly, as though her body moved even before her mind could. fingertips found themselves carefully cradling his expression as her lips sealed his in a SINGLE KISS. regardless of the eyes that were on them, regardless of the truth that was revealed. the female kissed him like it was the last time she could have, she kissed him like he was a dream come true, like he was everything she had been searching for.

                she kissed him like she could love no one other than him.

                " i thought i lost you ... " the syllables dripped from her lips were quivering uncontrollably. she didn't realize her whole frame was trembling, either, as delicate fingers gripped tightly at his clothes. so many emotions run through her, they were messing up her head and thoughts, and she was struggling to burn the reality in place of NIGHTMARE she lived earlier. this was real, he was real. he's alive, he's alive.

                " i really thought ... i lost you ... william ... " AMETHYST HUES were burning with brimming droplets, and the jewel-like tears cascaded down her face. her lips quivered against his own, and her grip upon him tightened unconsciously. she was scared. she was so scared, she was absolutely terrified. the thought of losing him, the thought of losing her very heart shook her to the core. arms slowly came around him, and the embrace was bittersweet. it ... almost spelled the inevitable goodbye.

                she buried her face into his wounded shoulder, and just like that fateful day they met one another, she cried.

                she wept her heart out for the enemy soldier whom she loved with everything she has.

[pxperplxnets]

confussions and new friends

summary: jak finds himself lying about his love life, and anne turns out to be in the wrong (or right) place at the wrong(or right) time.

pairing: jak crawford x anne johnson

jak and anne character descriptions

word count: 1627

warnings: none

lowercase intended!

-------------------------------------------------------

jak was in trouble.

big trouble.

it wasn't anything he could have blamed on anyone else, either. it was entirely his fault.

you see, now that ollie and lia had gotten together, and of course paul and aurora had something that they weren't telling them, he was the only one who was alone.

even conrad and kimi had girlfriends, for fucks sake.

he was giving into the preassure, and when ollie asked him if he had anyone special that he was hiding from them, his brain went absolutely stupid.

“actually, yeah” he said, and when lia’s eyes sparkled with happiness he knew it was way too late to turn back.

“what’s she like?” his best friend had asked, and his dumbass said:

 “she's a read head, she’s so funny and the genuine prettiest girl i have ever seen”

what. the. fuck.

he didn't even know any redheads.

he told them he didn't want to say much about her, as they weren't really official yet and he didn't know if she was comfortable with him talking about her that way. and they believed him! dumbasses.

jak told himself not to worry, there were only a few races left and then break was officially started. he wasn't going home, they were actually all going somewhere as a group for a few weeks before the hectic start of a new season.

he would just say that she wasn't able to travel with them and make up a fake break up in the middle of their vacation. but of course, life wasn't that easy.

prema was hosting a party, and since lia wouldn't leave him alone, he had told her that he would invite his secret girlfriend. that way, when she didn't show he would say she stood him up and broke things off.

maybe it was fate that anne’s father was hired to cater the event. maybe it was fate that rené was old friends with her dad so they invited her to attend the party as a guest rather than another part of the staff, and if it was, fate was fucked.

anne stood next to the entrance, wearing a white dress that hugged her body beautifully. she didn't know any of these people. they were all famous. what was she doing there?

lia caught sight of her, and immediately called jak over.

“is that her?” jak looked over, and it was as if the universe laughed at his face. 

 what were the chances of a redheaded girl that no one knew to go to the party? “yeah” what had gotten over him? he could have just said ‘no, that's not her’ and go on with his plan. but he didn't, and now lia grasped his arm and walked towards the strange girl.

“hi! it's so nice to meet you! jak has told us wonders about you” lia said, and the girl furrowed her eyebrows, she didn't know any jak’s.

 “nice to meet you too” she greeted, wanting to know who jak was. her doubt was answered as the brown haired boy next to lia spoke “babe, this is lia, and this is..” she heard the hesitation in his voice as he looked at her “anne, i've heard so much about you!” 

jak was too stunned to speak. why was this random girl speaking like she actually knew who any of them were? “awesome! i'm going to get ollie, be right back!” lia darted away, going to find her boyfriend.

anne looked at jak, furrowing her eyebrows “babe? i don't even know you!” she whisper shouted. she didn't know him, but she didn't want to embarass him either. “im sorry, i panicked!” he answered, in the same tone. they saw ollie and lia approaching, next to paul and aurora. great. “please, just follow my lead” she didn't have any time to protest before all his friends were there. they all introduced themselves and so did she.

“so, jak here didn't want to tell us how you met.” ollie said, making jak look at her with concern. “oh, we met at the market downtown,” she smiled. oh thank god, jak thought. she was a good actress. “what were you doing at the market?” ollie asked him, furrowing his eyebrows “that's where i got the bread i took home the other day.” jak lied. again. ollie nodded before looking back at the girl

“yeah, i was shopping for flowers and i dropped them so he helped me and the rest is history.” the ginger smiled at jak, making him blush. “thats awesome! but how did he convince you to come to the party?” lia asked “my dad is catering so when jak invited me i couldn't say no” anne smiled. she was willing to lie about jak, but lying about the real reason she was there was not an option, not if it involved her dad.

they continued to speak for a while, and lying just got easier and easier for jak and anne. when it was time to leave, lia begged anne to hang out with them the day after. she was going to make up an excuse to not go, but when jak looked at her with pleading eyes, she couldn't say no.

he offered to take her home, since her dad still had work to do. as they made their way to her house, he explained his situation and basically begged her to help him until he figured out a way to get out of it. she thought it was extremely stupid. being in a fake relationship? she had seen how that ended up in books. absolutely not.

she said yes.

he was a very attractive guy anyways.

the next day came up, and anne was on her way to meet jak and his friends for lunch. she had stayed up all night talking to him, getting to know each other and settling things about their “relationship.”

as she walked into the restaurant, she saw jak waiting for her at the door. he gave her a weak smile and waved, making her return the gesture. they greeted each other and went to where the others were waiting for them. she felt his hand brush hers, and saw his nervous face. did he want to grab her hand? she intertwined their fingers, smiling as she saw his small smile.

it’s fake, she had to remind herself.

their meal didn't take long to be ready, and anne was already feeling comfortable with the group when it arrived. she was scared she would feel left out or uncomfortable, but that wasn't the case. the group was extremely welcoming, including her in all conversations and asking her things about herself.

the fun got interrupted when anne heard a familiar voice calling her.

“annie? is that you?” the attention was turned to a blond guy who walked towards them. anne’s heart clenched as she noticed who it was. “mattia, hi!” she greeted, acting as if the plain sight of him didn't hurt her.

mattia was her old best friend. the first person who talked to her when she moved to italy, and of course, her first love. they had been close for so many years, but she never told him about her feelings for him. a year before this very moment, he had completely cut her off. he started dating a girl that disliked anne very much, and ignoring all the times he promised he would stay, he left her. him leaving wasn't even the worst part, as it turns out, he definitely knew about her feelings, and he made sure everyone knew about them too.

“how have you been? i haven't seen you in forever!” jak noticed how happy he seemed to see her, but furrowed his eyebrows as he saw how uncomfortable she looked. anne separated from the hug as soon as mattia lessened his grip around her. “i’ve been okay, how about you?” lia looked at jak, also noticing anne’s fake enthusiasm. “i’ve been great. so, uhm, remember that date i promised you so many years ago? well, the offer still stands”

anne’s blood began to boil. who did he think he was? did he really just tell her that after everything he did?

just as she was about to speak, jak stood up, grabbing her hand and pulling her into him.

“im sorry, she’s taken… actually no, i'm not sorry, she’s just taken” he gave the blond guy a sarcastic smile. mattia raised his eyebrows, but turned his attention towards her once again “i asked you, anne, not him.” jak felt himself getting mad. she was his fake girlfriend, but his girlfriend nonetheless, and this guy was making her clearly uncomfortable. 

“you heard him, im taken” anne’s voice was firm, no longer full of fake enthusiasm. jak felt a pang of pride overtake him as she wrapped an arm around his waist, snuggling into his side.

“you're telling me you actually moved on?” mattia laughed, and jak was about to punch him square on the nose. “i did, the moment i heard what you had been saying about me.” jak furrowed his eyebrows once again at her words.

how could anyone ever say something bad about her? he didn't know her much, but in the few hours he spent with her he could see how much of a kind person she was.

“whatever, we’ll see how long that lasts” the blond scoffed, leaving them in an awkward silence. “sorry about that” anne sighed, sitting back down. jak sat as well, dragging his chair closer to her as he noticed she didn't let go of him until he had to sit down. “its okay, not your fault.” he answered, kissing her temple and putting an arm around her shoulder.

she smiled at his gesture, before lia started talking once again.

-----------------------------------------------

author’s note

hi besties, im back

im so sorry for being so absent, but im back, i promise.

[stilldancewithyou]

yes, Taylor Swift could single-handedly soundtrack the entirety of The Summer I Turned Pretty but I just need to put it out there that Niall Horan could also soundtrack it perfectly!

just hear me out: We get to see the flashback to the Valentine's infinity scene and Black and White is playing quietly in the background. maybe in the 3rd season we get to see both of them remembering their times together as they plan Belly and Jere's wedding and it's playing in the background again. Just imagine the peach scene happening on the screen and suddenly you hear Niall Horan singing "I see us in black and white, crystal clear on starlit night in all your gorgeous colors. I promise that I'll love ya for the rest of my life. See you standing in your dress, swear in front of all our friends there will never be another. I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life".

also "when did I first know? I always knew" "I can't promise picket fences or sunny afternoons" I would literally combust.

And imagine "This Town" playing when she secretly goes to Cousins for Christmas and Conrad shockingly shows up. "I still get nervous when you walk in the room, them butterflies still come alive when I'm next to you...everything comes back to you." Imagine Put A Little Love on Me or Flicker or Too Much To Ask. And No Judgement! And also Seeing Blind! Or On the Loose playing at some point. And let's not even talk about The Tide or Mirrors or Fire Away. AND dare I say So Long? I'm sorry but I'm going to need Jenny and the producers to at least consider one Niall Horan song.

I think they also are gonna need to throw in Falling by Harry Styles somewhere too. And maybe sprinkle in some One Direction. You can't tell me Perfect wouldn't be perfect for Belly and either brother.

[tarlos-spain]

Flufftober Day 23 - Hold me in your arms

Fandom: The resident

Pairing: Conrad Hawkins/Devon Pravesh

Characters: Conrad Hawkins, Devon Pravesh

Cry if you need to

Conrad is devastated weeks after Nic's dead, but Devon is determinated to help him, even if it breaks his heart. But it's for his love and Gigi.

Devon knew it wasn't a good idea, everyone had told him.

"Conrad needs time. He's been through something terrible." "He needs to be alone, for him and for Gigi." "It's only been a few days." "Yes, it's been a few weeks, but..."

Exactly, that's what Devon thought, it had been a few weeks and Conrad was still deep in the black hole that remained after losing the person you've married; after losing the mother of your daughter.

But Devon knew that pain, knew what it was like to lose someone. Few people knew, because he didn't like to talk about it. But he had fallen in love once, before his father met his girlfriend. He had fallen in love with a fellow senior in high school and a car accident, as had now happened to Conrad, had taken him away from him.

It wasn't the same, of course, it wasn't the same length of relationship, but Devon understood that pain and knew that if someone didn't help him, Conrad could be lost forever down there. If he wouldn't do it for him, he had to do it for his daughter.

He stood in front of Conrad's door for a moment longer. He had time to turn it around, not knock, Devon would never know he'd been there.

But at the same time, he couldn't let it go, couldn't abandon his friend at the worst moment of his life.

He knocked on the door without another thought. Now Conrad could not open the door, he could make her think he wasn't there. But Gigi crying on the other side of the door was enough to make his father unable to hide.

"Conrad. It's Devon. I know you're home and it's okay if you don't want to answer the door. But, I want you to know you're not alone." He waited, but silence dominated everything on the other end. "We don't need to talk if you don't want to." Devon rested his hand on the door, as if it would make him feel something. "But it's not a good idea for you to be alone...for you and Gigi to be alone."

The door opened and Conrad's half, appeared, with Gigi in his arms, crying.

"I can't get her to calm down. She doesn't understand what's going on, she's too little to understand her mother...but she cries inconsolably all the time."

Devon motioned for him to let him hold the little girl. Conrad handed her to him and as soon as he had her in his arms, Gigi stopped crying, turned to her father and smiled at him as if nothing was wrong.

"Tell me you have some kind of magic, how did you do it Devon?"

Conrda stepped aside to let her partner into the house.

With a quick glance, she realized it was all a mess. He hadn't cleaned in days, weeks even, there were clothes everywhere and it looked like a bomb had dropped in the kitchen.

His friend's appearance wasn't much better. He hadn't changed his clothes in I don't know how many days, he needed a good shower and he seemed to only care about his daughter's well-being, which was already a lot.

"It's not magic, Conrad. Little kids notice everything and Gigi senses your pain, she senses you're in pain and... Excuse me Gigi?" Conrad stared at Devon uncomprehendingly as he put the little girl next to his ear. "So your dad, he doesn't want to ask for help. Hmm I see. And he doesn't want anyone to see him having a hard time, when we all know he's having a hard time."

Conrad shot him a hard look. Maybe if Devon hadn't been holding Gigi in his arms he would have punched him in the face.

But Devon was doing his unclely job well and as soon as he got the little girl comfortable, she fell asleep in his arms. After all the time she had spent crying, she must have been exhausted.

They sat down on the couch. Conrad remained silent. He was uncomfortable, not hiding it well. He wasn't even trying. He had only opened up to her because he was desperate that Gigi wouldn't stop crying.

When he was convinced the girl was asleep, he took him from Devon's arms and carried him into the bedroom.

"Give me five minutes." He said before leaving him sitting there on the couch.

But the five minutes turned into ten and then fifteen.

Devon wasn't a nosy person, but when it came to a friend in trouble, he couldn't just sit there and do nothing. He followed in Conrad's footsteps, it wasn't the first time he'd been in his house, so he had no trouble finding Gigi's room.

But he didn't make it inside.

Conrad was in the hallway, sitting on the floor, hugging his legs, with a hand over his mouth so no one would hear him crying. Now that Gigi wasn't in front of him, now that he didn't have her in his arms, he could let himself grieve.

Devon walked over to him and sat down next to him.

He didn't say a word, he stayed there, just in case Conrad needed him, just so he knew he wasn't alone.

Devon looked at the clock this time, they had all the time in the world or at least until Gigi woke up again.

Exhausted, Conrad leaned his head against the wall.

He smiled with bitterness in his gesture and turned to his partner.

"I don't think I can do it." He said at last. "Do what?" "I don't know, everything, I guess. I don't feel capable of being a parent, of being a doctor, of being a person." "I can assure you I know what you're talking about."

Conrad turned to Devon for the impossible answer.

"So how do you get ahead?" "With time and the ability to ask for a hug." "Whew." "It's hard I know. But that's why I want you to know that I will be by your side until you find the strength to tell those who love you... those who love you that you need help or at least a hug." "A hug if I could use one, I think it's been...I don't know how long since anyone has given me a hug that doesn't mean "how sorry I am" or "I feel sorry for you". I think I've forgotten a real hug." "Am I supposed to take that phrase as a way of saying "please, Devon give me a hug because I don't have the strength yet to ask for one?"

Conrad nodded. Devon smiled and held out his arms. Neither said anything as Conrad let himself fall against Devon's chest. The latter closed his arms around his body and they lay there for a while, doing nothing, saying nothing. The two of them just lay there, Conrad feeling protected and Devon with the feeling that he had arrived in time.

[thefanficmonster]

Like Wind At Sea

Conrad x Fliss (The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man Of Medan)

Warnings: Swearing, !SPOILERS!

Genre: Fluff, A tiny bit of Angst

Summary: Conrad stays in French Polynesia after the events of the game, a force beyond his control forcing him to stay. A feeling he can’t explain keeping him tied to the place. It’s not the place per-se, more like a soul and mind that endured similar torment. Takes a while for him to admit it to himself though. Typical Conrad.

Requested by Anon (we both know who you are XD) Sorry to be getting to your request so late! You know I couldn’t wait to write this fic though! Thank you so much for being my first and only ConFliss request so far, means a lot to me! Please enjoy! Love, Vy ❤

He has just gotten off the phone with Julia. She calls him every other day to check if he’s still alive and functional - as functional as a mildly unstable alcoholic could be. Not that she’d ever outright say that’s why she’s calling him but he sees it, hears it loud and clear in the tone she uses - the same tone people use to talk a child away from a tantrum or calm them down once they’ve already started one. There’s also the subliminal ‘get your ass on a plane and fly back home’ during every phone call, but he pretends it’s so subtle he doesn’t catch it. Julia never points it out specifically, so he gets away with it.

His sister has every right to worry. It’s been approximately a month since they survived the horrors out on that ghost ship. ‘Survived’ in the most minimal sense of the word - half of their minds are still stuck there, healing the wounds that place left on them. Each person’s healing differently - Julia and Alex seek comfort in one another, the events having brought them closer than ever. Brad has thrown himself head-first in his studies, giving them all his focus and time so the memories can’t haunt him. Fliss has not been seen on land since then. She goes out at sea on her own or with tourist groups, never taking them for long trips or trips far from land - never in the direction of the ghost ship. And Conrad is stuck in a cycle that will kill him eventually. Minimal eating, overdrinking and oversleeping. He barely sees the light of day. He lives in a cheap, rundown motel, leaving his room only in the morning to make his way to the docks to ask about Fliss. He would never admit to himself that he is looking for her per-se. The way he sees it - he’s looking for closure. She’s the only person he feels he could discuss what happened with but he can’t explain why.

Just one conversation, and he’ll be on his way.

When he doesn’t find her - as expected - he goes back to the motel, passing by a liquor store on the way and obtaining his fix for the day. He knocks himself out until further notice. Said further notice is late into the afternoon/early evening when he finally stumbles into the small restaurant near the shore where he always takes a seat by the windows - his gaze always fixated on the docks. Always expecting to see her in the distance. He has a feeling he’ll recognize her no matter how far away she is. His eyes could always find her.

But he only needs them to find her this once, give him closure, and let him go on his way home to his sister and parents. He is so convinced she’ll free him from the invisible chains keeping him here, he has contemplated borrowing a boat to go search for her out on open water but managed to talk himself out of it every time.

“Give it up, son.“ One of the fishermen told him one day when he performed his usual routine of showing up at the docks to ask for her. He has been looking more and more homeless with each passing day, the fishermen and boat captains witnessing this ‘golden‘ boy crumbling under the pressure of the trauma.

“I can’t.“ He replied, eyes searching for the Duke, knowing damn well there was no way he could find it. He believed what he said - he still believes it - he feels trapped and has established that he will stay that way until she frees him.

“You can’t or you don’t want to?“ The fisherman’s question shook him up, sobering him up from the foggy state he has imprisoner himself in. That one question felt like a slap across the face and a punch to the gut simultaneously. 

He didn’t buy liquor on his way back that day.

Dropping the phone on the bed he hops in the shower, a sense of excitement keeping his heart beating faster this morning. His tone surprised Julia - he sounded so alive, lively, enthusiastic. Almost like the Conrad she knew prior to those horrors. Sure, every time he called he masked how he truly felt using his sarcasm, humor and Conrad-ness, but Julia saw right through it. Today, on the other hand, it was genuine. Not an act. Hopeful is how she’d describe him.

And he has what to be hopeful for.

Yesterday, one of the older captains actually had something useful to tell him: A female captain reported her return in the next two days. This sent Conrad’s heart racing and mind haywire. He was practically counting the hours, he barely even slept a wink last night. He thought his patience had thickened after a month of waiting but now that she is so soon to return he realizes his patience has only been worn thinner and thinner. The alcohol masked it well though. Now that he’s sober, however, he’s got all the impatient symptoms: bouncing leg, tapping foot, cracking knuckles, muttering to himself etc.

The captain didn’t know a time to tell him for her arrival. That didn’t pose a problem for Conrad though. He is prepared to sit out by the docks all day and that’s exactly what he’s gonna do. He’s been lacking sunlight too, so it’s a win-win situation for him.

He stopped for a quick breakfast in the restaurant - sat in his usual seat, his gaze ten times as focused and sharpened at the boats dancing on the tiny waves, making a plan to rush out of the restaurant the second he laid eyes on the Duke. After the first breakfast he has had in a month he went to sit with the captains and fishermen, all of which poked at him for more details either about his relation to Fliss or about what had happened. The whole town heard of it, some believed it, some didn’t, others questioned it. Conrad knows better than to tell them what happened, or what DIDN’T happen. He knows they’ll peg him for a nut-job with no further discussion.

That was all hours ago, he has lost track of time and despises the idea of checking his wristwatch to see how much of his life he has wasted on the docks. The sun’s setting, so that’s gotta be some indication.

With his mind travelling the oceans and seas in search of her, he’s rather startled to feel a hand on his shoulder. He turns to see the fisherman that tried to set him ‘straight’ a few weeks ago. “Let’s grab a bite to eat, son. Maybe a drink to go with it.” When Conrad shakes his head in the response, the man sighs, “You really can’t give her up, can you?”

“I don’t want to.“ The words automatically leave his lips, like a truth he’s been dying to speak out loud. A smile appears on his face at the sound of what he said. He knows it’s authentic, no matter how automatic it was.

The man chuckles and pats his shoulder. There is an abrupt but odd pause however, Conrad can see the astonishment in the his eyes as they travel to the sunset. “Maybe it’ll be worth it in the end, after all.” He points ahead, causing Conrad’s head to snap back in the direction it was originally facing. A boat, a familiar one, is approaching.

The man steps away right in time for Conrad to jump to his feet, his heart pounding like it did this morning. It’s not an illusion or a hallucination, he’s fucking done with those. It’s real and it’s her.

The time it takes for the boat to reach the docks is killing him, he has to restrain the urge to swim to her and give her a hug. No, that could earn him a slap to the face. Well, it wouldn’t be the first time - but he still wants that hug.

She on the other hand is baffled to say the least. She has grown wary of her own eyes and now she isn’t sure if she can trust them with what they’re seeing. Conrad. The man who was supposed to be long gone from her life is standing in front of her, a smug smile playing at his lips as if to convince her it’s really him. To say her heart dropped at the sight of him would be an understatement. It’s certainly a shock and a surprise but far from unpleasant. She only now realizes how much she’s missed having him around even if they haven’t known each other for long. She can say with 100% certainty that she has never met, nor will she ever meet a person like Conrad.

And not that she’d admit it, but he has a special place in her heart.

“Aren’t I glad to see you!“ He’s the first to speak up, as expected. To his surprise, she’s the one to initiate the hug though. A more than welcome surprise.

“I could easily say the same.“ She mumbles in the crook of his neck, fighting her instinct to hold onto him for a long time and forcing her arms to free him, “But what are you doing here?“ A very reasonable question on her part, one he doesn’t have an answer to. “And why do you look like you just left that boat after years spent on it?”

“Don’t even joke about that.“ He scolds her playfully, causing her to roll her eyes - playing the ‘unbothered‘ card, much like him.

“Answer my question. Both of them.“ She fixates his gaze on hers with a strict glare, not allowing him to look elsewhere. Which seems to have backfired cause he can’t utter a word. She shakes her head, “I guess a drink will unknot your tongue.“ She waves him over, hopping back into the Duke.

He follows without needing to be told twice, “No drinks, thank you. My liver already hates me enough.”

“Your eyebags do too.“ She points out, taking a seat.

He scoffs though he can’t correct her. Who knew oversleeping could cause eyebags too? He sits down opposite her, mind overheating in search of what to say. “So....about that night...”

“It was a nightmare.” Fliss cuts him off, “One I’d like to forget.“

Her words sound familiar to him. He almost laughs when he recalls saying the exact two sentences, word-for-word to Julia over the phone.

“But you can’t.“ He says firmly. “Drop the act, Fliss. I’ve seen it before. No, I’ve DONE it before. You’re not fooling the master of ‘I don’t give a fuck’. If I’m still troubled by it, you are too.“

Frustration is clawing at her, her thoughts contradicting each other. “You’re right, I can’t. But I don’t wanna talk about it either.”

“Ok then, what do you want to talk about?“ He’s not to keen on talking about it either, he was using that as a front. All along, closure is the last thing he’s needed. Company - her company - is the answer.

“What’s ahead. How we’ll let it go, you know? That cheesy shit like the sunshine after the storm.“ She motions to the Duke and the open water, “This is mine. What’s yours?“

He stops to think for a moment, but for some reason he feels obligated to deliver a reply quickly so he automatically blurts out: “First I plan on going back home. I’ve been planning to do that, but I wanted to see you, talk to you first.”

She feels a pang in her chest. Missing. She’s already missing him again at the very thought of him leaving. She tries to brush it off, call it ridiculous, but it refuses to leave her so she pushes onward, ignoring it to the best of her ability. “So you’re leaving soon?”

The logical thing to say here would be ‘Yes’, but he feels like the word has been removed from his vocabulary at the moment. He can’t say it. It’s not what he wants anymore. Or is it? “I mean, that was the original plan but...” he rubs the back of his neck nervously, “I’m not so sure anymore. I guess it depends...” He trails off, his voice dying down - a rare occurrence. He’s never had this happen to him around any woman ever. He’s a ladies man, and look at him now, timid you could call him.

“Depends on what?“ A feeling worse, more ridiculous than missing him - the hope of him sticking around takes firm hold of her. She knows she should know better, but hell, it’s not time for pride at the moment.

Their eyes meet. “If you’d like company or not.“

His response sends a wave of relief over her, stealing a smile that turns into a laugh from her. “I’d typically say no, but...”

“But my charm has finally knocked you out cold, huh?“ He smirks in his cocky, really-Conrad way.

“That comparison still makes no sense.“ She stands up looking at the sun’s last rays but at the moment it feels more like a sunrise - a new beginning - or it’s the true sunshine after the storm she’s been looking for. “Now, let’s discuss terms over dinner cause I’m starving.“

He chuckles, offering her his hand, which she gladly takes as they start walking down the dock back to the beach. “Terms? You really know how to take the fun out of it.”

She rolls her eyes, stopping to give him a brief kiss on the cheek before quickening her pace, dragging a star-struck Conrad behind her. “That shut you up.” She shoots him a smirk over her shoulder.

It really has shut him up. All he can do is grin at her in awe, mesmerized by how she flipped his life on its ass in such a short amount of time. A month of misery has been erased and turned to bliss in less than thirty minutes.

A phenomenon that he’d like to call - like wind at sea. He’s a sailboat, she’s the wind. She decides his path, he abides. And they’ll sail in harmony together, healing one another, and healing themselves in the process. Just the two of them: Mr. Golden Playboy and Miss No-Nonsense. 

If anyone has ever doubted the accuracy of the phrase ‘Opposites attract’, if this doesn’t kill any and all doubt, I don’t know what will.

@chairtiger