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mrsstarkey1 · 2 years

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exile - rafe cameron

SUMMARY: six months after the breakup, rafe sees you at a party. based on 'exile' by taylor swift

WORD COUNT: 1.2k

WARNINGS: angsty as a mf, curse words

a/n: check out my most recent rafe fic !

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I can see you standing, honey

With his arms around your body

Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all

And it took you five whole minutes

To pack us up and leave me with it

Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

I think I've seen this film before

Rafe let out a scoff as his eyes finally landed what he was looking for since he’d set foot on the beach. You.

And him. Whoever the fuck he was.

‘Pathetic excuse for a rebound’ was what Rafe decided to call him in his head. Your distraction from him, it had to be.

The rebound had his arms wrapped tightly around you, whispering something intently in your ear. Rafe watched as you threw your head back with a hearty laugh, turning your head slightly to whisper something back to him. He examined your smile, the way your nose scrunched up and your dimples made themselves known. He couldn't remember the last time he saw that smile up close.

Rafe looked down at the sand, unable to stomach the sight anymore.

I can see you starin', honey

Like he's just your understudy

Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

Second, third, and hundredth chances

Balancin' on breaking branches

Those eyes add insult to injury

I think I've seen this film before

And I didn't like the ending

You leaned back against your boyfriends chest, staring out into the ocean. “Beautiful night tonight, isn’t it?” you asked, taking in the sight.

You felt him nod, “mhm. Someone seems to think we’re a more interesting view,” he said, subtly gesturing to where you’d seen Rafe sit down about ten minutes ago.

“I saw him,” you said quietly, averting your eyes quicker than you’d directed them toward him. “Just look away,” you told him simply.

You didn’t have to see him to know exactly what was going through Rafe’s head; that this was temporary; that all he had to do was apologize and promise it would all be different; that he could without a doubt take your boyfriend in a fight.

While the latter may be true, the others couldn’t be more wrong. It had been nearly six months since you forced yourself to walk out of Tannyhill for the last time. You made yourself a promise that day. That you'd never go back; you'd never let Rafe's eyes beg you for another chance; you'd never give into that temptation to let him try to fix everything.

You had to break the never-ending cycle before it was you that ended up broken.

All this time

I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)

I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around)

'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

“I’m gonna go get us another drink,” your boyfriend said, breaking you out of your trance. You simply nodded, and he placed a kiss on your cheek before heading toward one of the coolers in the sand.

Before you could help yourself, your eyes trailed over to where Rafe had been sitting; now just an empty chair in the sand. Your eyes narrowed as you scanned the beach for him, ultimately coming up empty.

Just as you let out a sigh of relief, you felt a presence behind you. You turned around, preparing yourself to face who you knew would be there. "Who's the guy?" Rafe wasted no time asking.

He stared down at the sand, moving it around with his feet, awaiting a response. He couldn’t bear to look at you when you talked about him. “His name is Ryan," you said plainly, offering no emotion in your words. You spoke to him as if he was a stranger.

"Come on y/n, what are you doing with this guy?”

“We’re together, Rafe,” you said, watching as his jaw clenched at your words. “And he treats me well,” you added.

Rafe’s eyes shot up to you, “what you-you’re saying I didn’t treat you well? What didn’t I do for you?” he asked, perplexed by the idea that this Ryan guy could be better for you than he was.

You scoffed in disbelief, “oh come on, Rafe. You know how you were when we were together. You never put me first, it was always about what you wanted. Ryan puts me first.”

“How am I supposed to know what you want? I cant read your fucking mind, y/n,” Rafe's voice raised, taking a step toward you. The people around you to started become aware of the heated argument, taking a couple steps away from you.

A scoff escaped your lips, and you shook your head, “that’s the point, Rafe! You don’t know me. I made it so fucking obvious that I was miserable.”

Rafe flinched at your tone, shuffling back in the sand, "miserable?" he repeated back to you softly, clearly wounded by the word. "How was I supposed to know you were so unhappy?” his eyes narrowed in confusion, begging for an explanation.

Looking at him now, you could see that he truly believed that you had no reason to leave him, that it was a shock that you walked out.

You shook your head, letting your arms fall to your sides, “I showed so many signs Rafe,” you spoke quieter now, so incredibly sick of the same fight over and over again. “You always just see what you want to see, I guess. I couldn’t do the same dance with you anymore Rafe, I had to get out.”

Rafe let out a defeated breath, finally staring into your eyes since the day you’d walked out. His arms dropped to his sides, all of his defenses shot down at the undeniable truth in front of him; your eyes held no love for him anymore.

He didn’t see it before. He didn’t let himself see it, but he saw it now, clear as day. You were standing mere feet in front of him, but yet completely out of his reach. He’d lost you.

“You’re just going to give up on us?” he asked weakly, body deflating into practically nothing. His eyes stayed trained on yours, desperately begging for a response that would put some life back in him.

"Rafe," you breathed out, shaking your head slowly. "There is no us anymore."

“Come on, you- you can’t really mean that,” Rafe let out shakily, taking a small step toward you. “Not after everything we’ve been through. What about all those good months we spent together? You were happy then, y/n, I know you were.”

“I was,” you said with a small nod, lips still pressed in a thin line. “But those months were pointless, Rafe, because they didn’t change anything,” you said with a quick shake of your head. “A lot like this conversation,” you added, an exasperated sigh leaving your lips.

Rafe’s eyes moved to your face one last time, the look he saw instantly making him regret ever coming over to talk to you in the first place. Your gaze was cold and distant, almost seeming bored by the conversation. Rafe looked at you as you looked right through him, as if he wasn’t even there. Your eyes fixated on something behind him, expression changing slightly.

Without another word, you walked right past him, bumping his shoulder with yours as if you hadn’t just ripped out his heart and stepped on it.

You left him standing there, forced to watch as you walked away for the last time, taking every piece of his heart with you.

I think i've seen this film before

And I didn't like the ending

taglist: @rafes-bae @willowpains @maybankslover @housekeeperjjswife @addisbooks

REQUESTS OPEN!!

check out my obx masterlist || taylor swift song inspired fics || most recent fic

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wyn-n-tonic · 1 year

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That's A Real Fucking Legacy: All of You, All of Me

Word Count: 968 Warnings: Uh.... death talk? Author's Note: SHE'S BACK ON HER BULLSHIT, BESTIES.

TARFL Masterlist | Author Blog

It’s been years in the making at this point.

You, Joel. Baby. Except her name isn’t Baby anymore and it’s not Thomasin either.

There was a lot of discussion, a lot of broken hearts and tears from all parties involved. Tommy was touched but he ached. Even when he got over it, found somebody else, he ached so deep in his being that there were nights he thought he’d split himself in two.

Because at the end of the day, he still believes—with all his heart—that your little girl should be his, too. He believes that when you took the last name Miller, it should’ve been gifted over from him.

“I’ll hold onto this hurt for the rest of my life, sweetheart,” he’d said.

Said he’d accepted that he’d caused it but that didn’t make the pain go away. Didn’t soothe that raw, bruised part of his heart—his soul.

There was no begging, Joel was on board from the beginning. Joel was on board before anybody else. Change her name, something more appropriate for who she is to you and Joel and this world. A gift.

A second chance.

Or third. Fourth. Fifth.

One hundredth and many more than you deserve after years and year over this life; this way of living.

Especially for Joel, your strong, broad mountain of a man who believed himself irredeemable in the eyes of everybody but especially yours. He cradled her with such gentleness, even as she grew, that it was hard to believe he was capable of any kind of violence.

So, after a year of late night and early morning talks whispered across the pillows, decisions had been made. A lot of them, actually.

Joel admitted that he felt his humanity pouring back into him with every breath he took beside you; every moment he held your daughter in his arms. He bloomed as father, color darkening his cheeks with emotion every time he looked at her. He felt like before in some sense of the word, like he was being given the gift of fulfilling the only thing he ever felt he was good at.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, you know where that thought would often go. Silent promises to himself that he wouldn’t fail this time. Or, God help him, he hoped his failure was no longer being in this world to protect her when it came down to it.

In the registry office of town, where all the records of who was who and where they were were kept, you both signed as a new birth certificate was made.

Clara Miriam Miller. No Thomasin, no Baby. No placeholder for who she was or name to carry as if she were some memorial, just Clara.

It means bright. Clear. Joel joked that she was the only light in the darkness he’d ever seen or needed.

It was good, beautiful even. As you finished your signature on the page detailing everything you could remember about her birth—bloody, loud, an early morning surprise that still exhausted you to this day—Joel cleared his throat.

Trying his best to tuck an unruly piece of hair behind your ear and failing, he took a deep breath and finally said, “will you marry me while we’re here?”

That’s the last piece to his puzzle, always has been. The thing he always wanted before—-companionship. Love in such an intimate way. Not that your relationship lacks that as it is but there’s something about being official.

There’s possession to it and there’s this bit of submission as you vow to give all your life and love and hurt and pain and, even, your death to one person.

No. No doubts in your minds about this one either. He loved so fiercely, so deeply, and he’d whispered all his insecurities and broken parts in all the nights you’ve lived together. He didn’t have it before, not when it happened. Selfishly, you’re glad that he didn’t, that his wife had walked away from him years and years before that. If he’d lost her the way he’d lost the others, the way he fears losing you or losing Clara…

But if that had been the case, there would be no you. Not for him. There wouldn’t even be a Clara, there would be somebody else with somebody else.

Or maybe nobody at all.

Your vows are even more selfish as you tell him how grateful you are that you found one another through all this and the more that life tried to throw at you; that you went to him the way Tommy had said to when there was trouble even though it scared you so much to knock on his door.

It scared you to tell him the things you told him, to make the decisions for yourself and decide you were tired of pretending it wasn’t love that you felt for him.

In the end, with Clara’s small face tucked neatly into the crook of his neck, he took your hand, looked at his brother and apologized with gratitude tacked onto the end.

Looking back at you, he smiles and you reach out to touch your thumb into the hidden dimple as it wells deep into his cheek.

“When I go, I hope it’s peaceful,” he says. “I hope it’s beside you, Mrs. Miller, and I hope it’s only after years. And, selfishly, I hope it’s not a pain or absence you have to feel for long because I am going to be mighty pissed off if you make me wait for as long as I did to have you in my bed in the first place.”

Going back to your signature on Clara’s paperwork, you pick up the pen and add -Miller to the end of your name.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #tlou #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #tommy miller #tommy miller fanfiction #o writes

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strongheartneteyam · 1 year

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Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader

Chapter 6

CW: lots of angst, jealousy is not even the right word to describe neteyam's state anymore, emotionally hurt neteyam, yandere neteyam, reader has a hard time trying to fight her feelings for neteyam, mentions of using someone with the intention of forgetting someone else, mild violence, mentions of sexual fluids, possessive and territorial neteyam, mentions of depressive symptoms, use of alcohol, feelings of fear, tension, confessions of love, fluff. I think that's all (??)

✨ IM BACK ✨ I can't even believe I managed to finally update this fanfic! 😂 All of a sudden I spent days on end being a 24/7 nurse for my spayed kitten and didn't have time for anything + having to give her 2 different pills at 2 different times, all during the am hours, plus another one in the morning, left me SOOO sleep deprived. It was horrible. Thank God she doesn't have to take the pills anymore. ANYWAY lol Guys, in the beginning of the chapter until the middle of it, I think, I know you guys are gonna want to murder me or reader or both (you know that y/n meme with the pic of the blonde girl "choking" her own shadow in the wall, saying like "babe this is not us" or smth? so… pretty much that! lol) BUT I PROMISE it's gonna be really good in the end 🥲 trust me, please 🥺 it's the moment most of us (yes, me included!) have been waiting for! 💕 Also, this is a longer chapter, compared to the usual. Maybe a compensation for my absence? Idk! lol I just hope you guys like it! haha OKAY if I say anything else, it'll be a spoiler lol love y'all to death!!! my readers are my babies, my lil angels… I truly freaking love you guys so much!!! 🫀⚘

Not proofread.

Chapter 5

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

I can see you standing, honey, with his arms around your body

Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all

(...)

I can see you staring, honey, like he's just your understudy

Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

Second, third, and hundredth chances

Balancin' on breaking branches

Those eyes add insult to injury

exile (Taylor Swift, Bon Iver)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

The air was thick and chaotic at the Olo'eyktan's hut that morning. Everyone seemed to be a bit too restless, either getting ready to go show up to their duties to the clan, like Neytiri, or thinking about some personal struggle, like Kiri, who was lost in thought, looking a bit sad. But she was also mixing some herbs and flowers, preparing a thick, violet colored substance that was used to treat wounds, that she would later give to Neytiri. Kiri would always help Neytiri a lot, assisting her in her Tsahìk position in the Omatikaya clan.

But Neteyam still stood out among the whole family. He was unmistakably grumpy that morning, Lo’ak noticed, as he was - once again - watching the weird way his older brother was behaving. Neteyam was not being his usual calm and caring self. He was not trying to take care of everyone, not giving out smiles and trying to cheer his siblings up. He was even distracted when Jake was giving him instructions about how today's training would go and giving him other orders, like telling him to keep an eye on Tuk whenever he's able to, as she was growing and becoming even smarter, more energetic and mischievous and was starting to get into more trouble, sometimes even picking fights with other girls in the clan, becoming a bit too much like Lo'ak, which had been making Jake rub the sides of his forehead in worry lately, way more often than he liked to admit.

"The Mighty Warrior, distracted when dad is telling him what to do?! What the fuck is happening?!" Lo'ak thought. Something was very wrong. And Lo’ak was determined to find out what it was.

Neteyam sat with his legs slightly open, his hands were crossed, his elbows resting on his knees. He had a lost stare in his eyes, gazing at the nothingness, looking like he was mad at someone who had just maybe punched him in the face.

He did not know how to deal with it all, that turmoil of emotions you were causing inside him felt overwhelming to the Sullys first born. He had taken on just so many challenges throughout his life and conquered most of them, but he feared you were gonna be a war that he might lose. He had to admit it bruised his ego. Suddenly, he did not feel like such a Mighty Warrior after all. An adversary that most people would judge as a weak one compared to him, a mere human girl, so small in comparison to his size, was defeating him. Suddenly all his skills with bows, arrows, big knives and even big, intimidating shotguns were not enough.

And Neteyam felt lost. He did not know what to do. For the first time in his life, his rational and smart brain could not seem to produce a war strategy that could help him win. Win you. He felt just like a wounded warrior, bleeding on the floor.

༊⁀➷

You decided to finally answer Derek’s messages today, after ghosting him for a while. You were feeling weird and lonely. And shaken. God, still so shaken... What the hell happened last night? Did that really happen? Was it all just a dream? You could swear those words Neteyam Suli had given you, about how he was in love with you, that his hauntingly tall and broad figure, vulnerable, kneeling on the ground in front of you, telling you he could tell you desired him too, had all been just part of a weird, eerie, anxious, borderline wet dream.

You knew very well what you were doing to Derek. You were using him to forget about the mess Neteyam was making of you. You knew that was wrong and you did feel guilty and ashamed. But you also knew you had to step back into your old reality, into that familiar world, into your comfort zone, a place where there were only regular human guys interested in you, not that current unsettling reality you were living in - you could still swear it had all just been a dream. Or a nightmare, perhaps. You were not sure -, where there was an almost 10 feet tall alien boy pursuing you, declaring his love and his nearly inappropriate desire for you, talking about the intimate parts of your body in a way that made you uncomfortable, anxious but... that lured you in too, at the same time. You needed an escape from it all. Your already disturbed mind did not seem able to deal with those facts at that moment and Derek seemed like the perfect distraction.

Damn, what had you become? That was not ethical or moral at all - using a human being like a tool to distract you from your conflicting emotions - but you did not seem to be capable of caring too much about being ethical or moral at that time. Your whole perception of the world seemed to be changing. You felt bedazzled and unsteady. You did not want to admit to yourself that you were starting to feel too much for Neteyam, that you were running away from your feelings like a thief runs away with an expensive item he just robbed. No, you were not in love with him. How could that even be? Everybody knew the na’vi don’t get romantically involved with humans. Your races were more like enemies than buddies. There were only a few humans who were loyal to the na'vi and maintained a somewhat close relationship with them, but never a romantic one. What was making you and Neteyam feel like that for each other? That could only bring problems and you sure as hell did not want more trouble in your already complicated life.

You would be better off sticking to a human male instead. It was safe and familiar. It did not make your anxiety skyrocket. But it also did not excite you a single bit. Derek caused you nothing. You could barely even feel actually turned on when he touched your body and kissed your lips. It was just like he was a habit you had gotten used to, making out with him here and there, to numb the pain you felt inside your heart almost all the time. His biggest efforts to make you wet never seemed to work. Meanwhile, Neteyam got you wet without having ever touched you. That sure spoke loud enough.

So why were you rejecting Neteyam and going after Derek?

Maybe you felt too afraid to take a risk, to follow your heart. God knows following that damn reddish muscular organ had put you in the worst situations possible in the past. You felt numb but you felt safe. And safe felt good. Bearable, at least. You were afraid if you gave into what you felt for Neteyam you just might explode. The feelings were that strong. You did not know what to do to try and ignore that tiny but extremely annoying creature inside your brain that would always be whispering “What if something actually good came out of it? Take a risk. For once in your life, don’t play it safe.”

But you were choosing to play it safe, anyway. At least this afternoon. You were gonna meet Derek, after two weeks without doing so, and just hang out, eat junk food, drink some alcohol and talk about non important things, just laugh and be silly, like you two always used to do. He was a good friend. Too bad he never made any type of fire light up inside of you, not even in the very beginning of your rendezvous, that’s why you never got to have sex with him. You were simply not interested. At all, to be honest. You wondered why you still insisted on being physically intimate with him. There were many things in your life that you did and did not really think too much about. They were just pure routine, they just kinda happened and you let them, almost like you weren't really living your life, but only a mere spectator to the events that were happening to you. And it seemed like you felt too emotionally numb to put an end to them. Your involvement with Derek was one of those things. He started to flirt with you one day, you were bored and you thought "why not?" and now, months later, you were still caught in this situation. If anyone asked you if there was any other reason why you were gonna see Derek today other than to try and get Neteyam out of your mind, you honestly couldn't say there was. It was crystal clear to you that, even though you were fighting like crazy to deny your feelings for Neteyam, you were indeed falling for him.

But how could that be? Some days ago, he was only an Omatikaya famous warrior - and, oh, let's not forget, the next Olo'eyktan of their clan - that you had only heard people talk about.

༊⁀➷

Neteyam was up in one of the highest tree branches he could find that day. He did not want anybody to see him, as usual, but he also did not want you to know he was watching you, either. He knew you were now aware of his constant presence around you. He knew you were not oblivious to his love anymore.

The sun was harassing his eyes, so he put his hand over them and squinted hard to try and see if the guy next to you, in the laboratory’s cafeteria, was really who he thought it was. When his eyes could get a better view, once the sun was not bothering them so much anymore, he felt something sinking in his stomach and his heartbeat accelerated considerably.

He had just confirmed who the guy was. It was that disgusting little human male that liked to act like you were his mate. Neteyam hissed ferociously, his protruding na’vi fangs looking scarier than ever, as his wide feline eyes watched Derek leaning close to your face and kissing your lips. Neteyam wanted to die - or maybe kill Derek - when he noticed you kissed him back.

༊⁀➷

You forced a smile while looking at Derek, after you had the initiative to break that damn kiss who seemed to never end. He seemed satisfied with the fact that you two had just kissed, contrary to what you were feeling. You honestly felt like you wanted to throw up. All you could think about was how it would feel to kiss Neteyam, to smell his scent again, that was so abundantly different from what you were used to, but that fact only seemed to make you want him even more.

You looked away to try and forget the ridiculous mistake you were making by being with Derek at that moment. You were looking at the ground and your gaze moved upwards. Now your eyes were directed towards the outside of the lab. What you saw startled you beyond reason. Neteyam was squatting, up in the branches of a huge tree, not too close but not too far from the part of the laboratory you and Derek were currently in. His fangs were out, seeming bigger than ever, as he hissed ferociously. Neteyam's animalistic side had completely taken over him and you could tell.

A chill ran down your spine. You could feel in your guts something bad was about to happen.

Your heart throbbed in pain as you saw how hurt he was now that he had seen you kissing Derek, even after he - Neteyam - had confessed his feelings for you in such a vulnerable way last eclipse. You saw in his eyes how betrayed he felt, like you were just silently telling him that his love did not matter at all to you and you'd rather be with any other guy but him.

༊⁀➷

"Hey, I'm going outside for a while, 'kay?" Derek spoke as he got up from the place he had been sitting, beside you, kissing your cheek "The boys are gonna meet me behind the lab in a while. "

Oh, no. Derek would not be safe if he went outside. Not with Neteyam spilling hate for him out of his soul like that. You had to try and find a way to keep Derek inside.

"Oh." You said, not being able to conceal your nervousness "Why don't you wait for them to actually get there before you go?!" You almost begged, visibly tense

"God, you seem nervous." He chuckled slightly, seeming uncomfortable " Is everything alright?"

"Yeah! I just want you to spend some more time with me." You pouted at him, coming up with an excuse to try and keep Derek from going out of the lab

"Sorry, sugar. It was nice hanging out and stuff but I really need to go now." He was already walking fast towards the door before you could try and talk him out of that stupid idea

You couldn't let any of the people in that cafeteria know something was up, so, you pretended everything was alright and finished eating your chips and took the last sip of your canned whisky and coke and stood up, walking slowly (when you actually wanted to freaking run) in the direction of the lab's metal door that led to outside.

You put your oxygen mask on, took a deep breath and walked out the door.

You heard a noise, it was like a really heavy object falling to the floor. You also heard some strong thuds.

When you started to walk around to try and see what was happening, you realized your fear had become reality. Neteyam was sitting on top of Derek’s squirming body, his toned, striped thighs straddling Derek’s torax. You gasped when you realized Derek was no longer wearing his oxygen mask and Neteyam's huge hand was over Derek's mouth, preventing him from screaming for help. Neteyam looked at him like a hunter looks at their prey, while his big fangs and loud hisses put fear in the human boy's eyes. Derek was completely terrified.

Your heart beat sped up insanely and your hands were now cold as ice. You were afraid for Derek’s life.

You knew that the way Neteyam was taking out his frustration and jealousy on Derek was indescribably far from okay but still, as cruel to Derek as it seemed, you still felt incredibly sorry for the Omatikaya in front of you.

At the end of the day, you had a big percentage of blame for what he was doing right now. You were confused and afraid and torn but you knew to whom your heart belonged and it was not Derek. So why the hell were you being so selfish to the point of hurting two boys at the same time just because you didn't know how to deal with your own feelings? You realized it was time for you to stop being a coward and put an end to that madness.

You could tell Neteyam was not okay mentally and you knew that you were being toxic too, that you were contributing for his mental state to get worse with your indecisiveness and fear, despite his efforts to show you he would never hurt you. You wanted to stop hurting him and help him instead, to finally let go and admit to yourself and to him that yes, despite the way you had been acting, you were in love with him too.

"Neteyam, don't!! Let him go, please!!" You shouted, running towards the human and the na'vi boy.

You finally got close to Neteyam. He stopped and looked at you, his eyes so fiery, the calm golden pools they always used to be were now boiling with feelings of anger, jealousy, hurt and betrayal.

"For me! Please?" You pleaded him, looking deep into his eyes while stroking his strong blue arm

You watched that beast inside of Neteyam slowly calm down, as his feline ears pointed downwards and his eyes became softer. He moved his hand away from Derek’s mouth and the human boy let out a series of labored breaths. Neteyam slowly got off of him, revealing his beyond intimidating height as he stood up, and stepped away from him.

You walked as fast as you could to where Derek's oxygen mask was laying on the floor and picked it up, checking if was broken (it wasn't! Thank you, Universe.) and went back to where he was lying down and gave it back to him.

Neteyam watched your movements and felt jealous when you got close to Derek, so, once you got back to the place where you were standing before, Neteyam stood right next to your arm. His instincts told him to mark his territory.

Derek swiftly put it back on. He was almost completely out of breath. Derek breathed in deep once the mask was covering his face, taking in all the oxygen he possibly could.

"Are you okay?" You looked down at Derek’s body, searching for any visible wounds. There were none, at best. "God, I'm so sorry about this…"

"Yeah, I'm fine, somehow." Derek seemed afraid, shocked, frustrated and angry, all simultaneously, as he got off the floor and got back on his feet

"Please, don't tell anyone that you saw Neteyam or that he tried to hurt you, okay?"

"What the fuck?!! This psycho almost tried to kill me!! Why are you defending him?!"

Neteyam hissed at him when he heard what he had just called him but you squeezed his arm and he looked at you, remembering your pleas were the thing that were keeping him from killing that small, pink male. Even though it hurt him deeply that you were protecting that human, he couldn't bring himself to ignore you when you were begging him not to hurt Derek. You had Neteyam in the palm of your hand.

"You don't understand! If you let anyone in that lab know what Neteyam did to you, the RDA will eventually know about it too! Do you understand how serious this is? Do you wanna see Neteyam dead?!" You urged him, looking deep into his eyes "You could even help start another war between the humans and the na'vi. Do you understand that it is a much bigger issue than it seems to be? Just forget about what happened and I'll make sure Neteyam won't ever try to hurt you again."

Derek smirked in contempt

"How can you be so sure he will listen to you?"

"I know he will! He loves me. And… I love him too."

Derek’s face had a big question mark all over it now and his mouth fell open.

Neteyam seemed to be shocked for a while. He did not expect you to say that, at all. He thought you would never love him back. Neteyam couldn't seem to believe those words had actually just come out of your mouth.

You breathed in deep, trying to stay calm amidst all that chaos "This thing between us…" You looked at Derek "It's over. I don't know why I was still insisting on it, I never even felt attracted to you, in the first place. I'm sorry."

"I'm outta here! All of this shit that's going on… feels like a fucking nightmare"

"Can you do as I said and not tell anyone about Neteyam? Nobody, ever? Please?!" You were nervous, brows furrowed, talking fast

"Okay!! Just let me go now! I think it's better if you and I keep some distance from each other from now on. I don't want your crazy na'vi boyfriend trying to kill me again."

Neteyam hissed at Derek again when he heard the word "crazy" and Derek rapidly looked at him, startled, but couldn't be brave enough to spend more than some seconds staring at him, so, he swiftly looked away

"Neteyam, please!! He's going already." You looked at Neteyam, a bit angry and impatient, asking him to calm down "Just go, Derek." You spit out and sighed, feeling physically and mentally drained after having to stop that stupid fight

Derek finally turned his back to you and Neteyam and left.

You looked at Neteyam. His eyes were glued on you. Those pretty amber eyes. His face wasn't full of hatred and anger anymore. His demeanor was much calmer now. His body language radiated love towards you. His tail was wagging softly. You felt pain and regret consuming your chest. How could you have treated Neteyam so badly last night? You realized now you couldn't hold him to the same standards you hold human males. The na'vi are animalistic beings, in spite of their high intelligence. And worse, how could you be irresponsible enough to kiss Derek even not actually wanting to, making Neteyam see it and get as hurt as he did? You sure were being trashy.

"My tawtute…" he cooed as he turned to look in your eyes "I won't let you run away from me anymore." Neteyam had a big smile on his lips "I don't care if you try to. That's all I needed to hear, that you love me. Now that you've said it, even if you didn't say it directly to me, I'm gonna fight for you even harder, even if you keep trying to push me away, I will keep bothering you." He kept smiling, blissful "You're like an Ikran. I just need to be patient with you. Eventually, I'll tame you and you'll be mine. All mine, hi'ì 'emyu." (small cook) "Bonded to me through tsaheylu. I can be patient and I will be."

You could only look at him, stare at his face and ask yourself why. Why was he willing to put so much work into making you his mate?

"I'm not gonna run away from you anymore." You finally said "I'm done running. I'm done keeping myself miserable and alone because I'm too afraid to trust you and let you in. While trying to keep myself "safe", I was hurting myself and hurting you. I'm not doing that anymore, Neteyam. I was so stupid… I can't really say what it is, but there's just something about you… I think about you all the time, since the first time I saw you when you appeared for me outside that window. I don't believe someone can fall in love so fast but…" You were about to burst into tears "I'm in love with you."

Neteyam looked at you with the biggest smile on his plump lips, while his heart beat uncommonly fast inside his chest. He was overwhelmed with joy but as he was seeing the tears welling up in your eyes, he felt like he was about to cry too. But he didn't. Having learned throughout his whole life to always act with self control and rationality in front of everyone, - not really by choice, but because he knew that was how the Olo'eyktan to be should act, to keep a good reputation, to let his people know he was strong enough to control his emotions and not let them get in the way of him making good decisions for the Omatikaya - his ability to show some aspects of his feelings was a bit impaired now and that included crying. Even though he almost cried in front of you when you rejected him, he couldn't bring himself to cry of joy, now that you were saying that you wanna be with him too.

"I'm sorry for… what you saw. Me and Derek. I never liked him, Neteyam. He was just-"

"Yawne, no." Neteyam interrupted " It's okay. I don't wanna hear about that human." He looked disgusted only by the thought of Derek "And I don’t want you thinking about him either. You're mine now. Just forget about him. It's me that you like, right?" He gave you a gentle smile now and you nodded your head positively "Then focus on me, yawntutsyìp."

You looked at him, shyly, and smiled

"So… Can I ask for a hug, now?" your heart beat fast inside your chest cavity as you nervously said that

"Oeyä tawtute…" (my human) "You don't even need to ask." He opened his big, strong arms as he spoke "Come here."

༊⁀➷

Taglist: @kitsunefirewail @tumblingdevils @a-blog-name-2003 @xylobee @nerdybouquetofkittens-blog @henhouse-horrors @lala-1516 @xylianasblog @samistars @crazy4books1 @explosiongamora @lik0 @your-girl-mj @darktyrantwinner @sereisstuff @yeosxxx @die4niyahhh @iman-lu @manumanulau @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @hana-yuri @thehoneymushroomhealer @melllinaa @annaibansworld @siriuslysmoking @avatar4eva @ellabellabus07 @badbishsblog @neteyamsmate4life @c-h-i-l @criticallybella

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romana-after-dark · 2 months

Text

Room's on Fire: Exile

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader

Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader

Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader

Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist

Spotify playlist

Summery: The cracks start showing

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence. Covert incest, massive mommy issues, sexual abuse all around, past grooming by parental figure. no CSA but the victim isn't much older. some Bates Motel type shit. I cannot properly warn you for everything, without just telling the story but consider this a major warning that there are dark dark themes. No one involved here is morally clean, and who you perceive as the good guy cannot be relied on. Don't come to my story and say im romanticizing these things until at least the story ends.

Extra warnings for chapter: Some gore.... i think that's it? Pretty standard terribleness.

4.8k words

a/n: shorted song quote in a while lol This goes out to Alicia who always is drawing parallels between characters. Even if I didn't do it on purpose tee hee

a/n 2: please take note of my update on my writing here

"Second, third, and hundredth chances, balancing on breaking branches, Those eyes add insult to injury. I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending." ~Exile, Taylor Swift Ft. Bon Iver

When you wake up, you see Jonah’s head on the pillow next to you, bloody and nose caved in, eye bulging but looking directly at you. You feel hands around your waist.

You scream.

When Frankie and Will finally calm you down, you were coming down from another attack, his arms around your body rightly like the day in the meadow, Will’s hands on your face even though Frankie said you didn’t need that right now.

“He’s dead.” Santi’s voice breaks your frozen state, making you jolt and turn to the right where he stood. His arms were crossed, as were his legs as he leaned against the desk.

Frankie felt your gasping chest again. “Santi, not now.”

The changes in Frankie recently were obvious… there was something different in his eyes. You found yourself clinging to him after every new disaster, his face being the guidance you need in these trying times… Until this morning when you woke up beside him, In Ben’s arms, and instead of his face you saw Jonah.

“No…” You whisper. “No he can’t be dead.” Your eyes begin to well up with tears again at the though of him being gone. He can’t be dead, you need him, you need him still. “He can’t… he can’t leave me…” Your face is already turned to the floor where you sat, but you can sense Pope’s displeasured face.

“What are you talk about?”

Angered, you shout, surprising everyone. “HE CAN”T LEAVE ME! I NEED HIM!” Your legs kick a bit like you are throwing a tantrum, but you simply can’t control your feelings.

Pope’s short legs stride over despite a warning call from Will still knelt near you. He ignores it. “Were you fucking him?”

“NO!”

Frankie’s grasp on you grows tight again, trying to prevent another melt down.

Pope bends over. “WHY WERE YOU GOING TO MEET HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT DRESSED LIKE THIS!” He grabs your nightgown roughly, the material yanking on your still pain skin and you scream.

“SANTI KNOCK IT OFF!” Will shoves him out of the way, giving his husband a stern look.

You begin to rock yourself, gritting teeth as you reply. “Because other clothes hurt my skin now, SANTIAGO!” You shout his real name, the sound foreign on your lips… the room lay silent as you watched the realization that you have forgone the honorific, something that might have pleased everyone in the early days… But this was not the blissful first month of your marriage. This was not a time where he wanted you comfortable, where there was an illusion that the 5 of you could leave peacefully, you as their center, not tearing each other apart with the 5 of you fighting for affection of each other. You swear you can see him put his mask on.

Face softening, you flinch when he kneels down beside you, cupping your face in his hands with a soft smile. You are reminded of the day you met him, the day he told you that you were perfect.

‘From now on, as long as you are what we need you to be, whatever you need, you’ll have.’

You were everything he needed you to be. You carried the savior. That was the condition, wasn’t it? Get pregnant? But the goalpost had been moved now. Remembering the burning, you think his threat

‘If that baby comes out with blonde hair, we’re going to have a problem.’

How could this be the same man? How could the man who seconds ago screamed at your and pulled at your sensitive skin be the same who gently knelt beside you, holding your face like he did in your first kiss.

“It’s going to be okay, love. You’re safe now, no harm will come to you. I will protect you.”

But it was different now. You realize he never protected you. Ever. Will killed Jonah for you. Will took the bullet for you. Will bathed you and healed you and massaged you. Santiago didn’t do shit.

But your body hurt, your skin aching in a reminder of what he could do to you. So you nod, tears filling your eyes. “Thank you, my husband. I just… I wish to sleep now. I’m tired.”

Seemingly buying it, he stands. “Frank, leave her be.” The gestures to the others to leave.

“Oh, uh… can Francisco stay?” You begin to sit up, off of him.

He narrowed his eyes. “I supposed. Just until you fall asleep. He’s needing to bless the water.”

Iris would have to clean the kitchen of Jonah’s blood… a cleaning ritual would have to take place with the water. Jonah couldn’t be burned alive, which is good because you doubted Iris would dance as he did. You couldn’t bear it if whatver you did to tempt Jonah resulted in her death too.

Getting into bed, Francisco goes to take his usual place in your arms, but you pull back when he reached for you.

“Sorry, sorry…” You are quick with an apology when his face crumbles. “I just… I need company. Not touch.”

He nods, looking guilty as he climbs under the blankets. “I’m so, so sorry Madonna… I never thought Jonah could do this… never thought he was the kind to… to…”

But you shake your head. “I don’t wanna talk about this, Francisco.” But after a beat, still, you ask. “Was that you that held me last night? You and Rey… you smell the same.”

“It was me. I don’t… I don’t think any of the guards should be touching you after this. Especially Rey.” You agree. Despite not wanting touch, you reach out your hand. You fall asleep to him rubbing his thumb over the top, feeling the mangled skin.

“Benjamin…” Frankie holds his lover, one leg hitched up against the pants Ben was trying to pull down. Francisco was always bottomless, his pants stripped away the moment they made it into Ben’s room. “Benjamin we can’t do this… she needs us…”

“We’ll be quick.” Shucking off his pants with little kicks of his leg that make Frankie smile against the younger man’s skin, Ben grips Frankie’s broad shoulders, wraps his legs around his thighs and forces them both to roll over. Francisco is always considerably impressed by his strength, always finds it hard to reconcile him with the starving boy that was found so long ago. Ben rasps, ordering Frankie where he wanted to go with such dominance, such self assuredness… “Ride me”

Guilt tightens his chest when he thinks about Madonna, how sometimes he wishes she’d take charge more… but then he remembers what the pay off is. Unlike Santi, he doesn’t have to worry about you hurting him. Unlike Ben, he knows you aren’t fucking the entire community.

His thoughts of you are pushed back when he sinks down on Ben’s cock, the long member driving right up to his prostate when Frankie’s ass hits Ben’s firm thighs. He was so different now, so capable, so strong… He wasn’t like this when he was young. No, back then, he needed Will for everything, refused to leave his side for a while… Frankie wasn’t sure who it was that found the Millers, but Jonah brought them into the mansion during a blizzard, said he found the orphans in a shitty lean-to that had caved in. The ruckous of Jonah's billowing entry has drawn Santi and Frankie downstairs where Beatriz was telling him they couldn’t stay. Jonah insisted that he’d take them to the boys dormitory in the morning, but that it was too cold to go outside again.

Will has frostbite from giving his warm clothes to Ben in hopes he’d survive. Ben was emaciated. They never did find out what was wrong with him as a child, why he was so much thinner than Will who’d give him so much more of the rare food… but even after becoming permanent members of the Garcia family, for years Ben didn’t put on weight. Then in his teens, he beefed up and became who everyone knows him as now.

“Just like that… fuck, fuck thats good Frankie…” Ben praised him, so vocal as he always was, feeding him what he needed in these moments. Frankie was aware his body was different than how the others looked, that the weight in his 30’s packed on more around his stomach, but he when he was with you, when he was with Ben, hell even when he was with Santi and Will he didn’t care. The validation he got from feeling needed, feeling desired was enough for him.

Ben thrust up into him, making Frankie cry out louder than he should, and Ben yanked him down to his level to swollow his sounds of pleasure with a kiss. And fuck, could Ben kiss. With every roll of his hips and slide of his tongue, Frankie’s eyes rolled back into his head. Nothing else mattered but Benjamin.

Ben was only 4 when he was brought to the house, Will was 8, Frankie and Santi were 9, but Santi was almost 10. When Beatriz approached the boys huddled in each others arms, she stared for a while. They were helpless and small, and while Beatriz was a lot of things, something probably tugged at her heart. Ben gazed up at her like she was the savior herself, like all her bullshit about godhood was true. He never doubted her for a second, firmly obeying every order, explicit or implicit. That loyalty extended to Santi, and he never, ever betrayed him…. Except with Frankie.

Tugging at Ben’s hair, Frankie humped against Ben’s body as they kissed, fucking himself on his dick and seeing stars. He loved Ben so fucking much it hurt sometimes, and it was near unbearable, it burned him from the inside out and crushed his chest but they could never, ever be together. Not with Santi.

It didn’t start out like this. Of course not, not with the age. Ben was his little brother, someone he loved as such and whose company he enjoyed. Ben and Will never left the house in the morning, Beatriz taking them in. She had her reasons of course. She said Will showed immense courage taking care of Ben after being orphaned, that the self sacrifice he showed was that of a healer's nature. Will became the God of healing and war. Duality. Ben was always full of smiles, even as a starving child. “Mi sol”, as Beatriz called him. He was the sun god.

For a long time, the four of them remained as brothers. Homosexuality wasn’t discouraged, perse… but it wasn’t encouraged. Men and women were needed to pair up to birth children. When things began to bubble up between him and Santi, Beatriz set him up with Iris. For a long time, Francisco thought something was wrong with him for not wanting Iris the way he did Santi. It wasn’t her fault; clearly she was stunning to look at, and the… activities… they had gotten up to that went beyond kissing proved that he WAS attracted to her. But nothing felt like Santi… not until Ben.

Francisco had seen Ben at the orgies they used to have, and for a long time he simply had sense of protection over him. He was too young, and Frankie worried when he reached 19, the age Frankie had been, that Beatriz would touch him too… he thought that was it.

Then suddenly Beatriz was dead, and everything changed.

Jonah was almost killed for being found fucking Delilah who had participated in the coup. Marcus was burned to death and their future wife was burned to dance, a trauma that gives her a glassy stare for a moment every time she smells smoke. Iris was forced into servitude at the house to pay for Jonah’s sins and the engagement was, of course, called off by Santi. A vacuum had been created, power sucked in and Santiago tried to take her place.

With the chaos, Ben and Franscisco simply… fell into each other, and suddenly what he had with Santi pales in comparison.

With a fistful of hair in his hand, Ben pulled Frankie off his mouth, admiring his kiss-swollen lips as he pants. “Gotta be quite, Frankie. Gonna get you off, but you gotta be quiet. Can you do that for me, pretty boy?”

Unable to speak, Frankie simply nodded. He sat up, bouncing on his cock as Ben jerked him off. Their eyes locked together, Francisco was lost in the sky of blue in his eyes, a cloudy sky his sun god resided in.

Cum flies out of him in strong spurts onto Bens chest, cumming hard as Ben filled his asshole with his spend. Rain fell from those skies he felt burning into him, and he fell over to kiss them away. A soft smile. A gentle touch. A warm hand in his hair and body on fire. The warmth of the sun blessed him.

“Baby’s hungry.” You mutter on the couch, sitting on the oppiset side as Ben strummed his guitar.

Francisco smiled. “Oh, it’s the baby, is it?”

“Yeah.” You nudge him with your foot. “Baby says enchilada’s sound great.”

“Let’s go to the kitchen then. I got you.”

Ben lights up, looking away from plucking at the chords. “Oh shit, you’re making enchiada’s? FUCK yeah!”

“Noooo, I don’t wanna get up, can’t you make them?”

This makes Francisco frown. “I wanna stay near you, Madonna.”

“She doesn’t wanna see Iris.” Ben points out your fears, and Francisco’s shoulders drop.

“I let her take some time off… We’re on our own for a few days… It’s okay.”

It felt wrong being in Iris’s domain without her, watching Frankie go through her cupboards, her fridge, her pantry… Jonah was dead and it was her fault. Now both of you are orphans… How could you explain to her that you could have never meant for this to happen? That you loved him like a father, that you felt lost without him here…

“It’s not your fault, you know.” Ben’s voice broke you out of your thoughts, making you turn to him as Francisco busied himself with the food. “Jonah will fuck anything that walks. Asshole practically raised us, then slept with Delilah.”

“Ben, I don’t really wanna-”

“Man, I used to see him at the parties, he’d bury his head in any cunt he could get his hands on-”

Your brow furrows at that. “What parties?”

“Ben!” Francisco calls. “Come help me with this.”

The men whisper argue to each other at the counter, indiscriminate words grating at your ears as you try to make sense of Ben’s words.

That’s when she walked in, trailing behind her was Reyansh.

The door opens, Iris stopping in her tracks. Her eyes were clearly red and puffy but the tears had clearly been wiped away, trying to appear indifferent. It wasn’t working. You scramble to stand, knowing you have to face her, face the consequences.

“I’m sorry.” Was all you could get out.

Iris’s face crumbles. “Honey…”

The sound of Jonah’s nickname for you from his daughter's lips shatters something in your heart, and you feel your lip quiver and eyes burn. “I’m so sorry…”

She takes a step forward, speaking softer to you than you ever heard before. “What on earth are you apologizing for…”

“It’s my fault! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” You shout, and Ben places himself between you and Iris protectively, trying to usher you out of the room but you stay firm. “I should’ve seen the signs! I shouldn’t have been sneaking out of my room! I shouldn’t have gone unguarded!” Rey are vaguely aware of Rey behind Iris, of Francisco and Ben trying to talk to you but you couldn’t pay attention to that. The moment existed between two women whose fathers couldn’t be what they wanted, in whatever way that meant. Two women who were left abandoned. Two women who understood each other in a way the others couldn’t, no matter how much love was there. “I ruin everything I touch!” Sobbing, you shout ‘I’m sorry’ again and again and again.

Your knees buckle, and you hear Francisco shout your name as arms wrap around you, saving you and your baby from a fall. Then, Iris is knelt in front of you, hands on either side of your head and pulling you to look at her. Her voice is firm, steady and sure as it always is but an air of empathy that didn’t exist before. You understood each other now. When you eyes meet hers, eyes like a sturdy oak and just as unwavering, she spoke her words repeatedly.

“It’s not your fault. None of this is.”

And suddenly, her voice mattered than Santiago’s.

“It’s okay to miss him.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Madonna-” Francisco’s hand reached for you, but you jolted back and away from him with wide eyes. “Sorry… Can I tuck you in?”

You scoot into bed. “Just… don’t touch me…”

He nods as you lay down, pulling the blanket over you and laying it nicely around you, careful not to touch your body or pull anything against your skin.

“Do you… do you want to be alone?”

He watches you think for a minute. You’d been through a lot, Jonah’s attack leaving you… not yourself. Usually when things happened; the burning, the shooting, etc, you craved closeness from your husbands, but after this… You were so far from him, all the time.

“I… I don’t want to have sex, is that okay?”

His heart crumbles at your question, quickly sitting on the bed but far enough not to scare you. “Oh my god, Madonna… that’s always okay…and I would never, ever expect that from you after something like this…” Still, you didn’t meet his eyes… just silently crying as you had been all day. He watched a tear drip over the bridge of your nose while you lay on your side. He sighs. “When Beatriz first… when she first touched me, I felt sick, honestly. She said it was a divine union or whatever… but she was my mom. To me, anyway. I didn’t… I didn’t want that to happen.

“The she died and I thought… you know I thought I’d be relieved. God knows I’ve thought about it enough… But I didn’t. I cried for weeks, felt lost, directionless… there was nowhere to put my anger, my sadness…” That’s when he fell into Ben. “There was… I guess I remember being confused. I didn’t understand how someone I loved could hurt me… and why I still loved someone who could do that…”

You choke back a sob, and when he sees your hand reach out, smooth and soft compared to the other, he takes it. “I don’t understand why Jonah would do that to me… But… I’m also angry at him… not for…” You swallow hard. “but for leaving me. Jonah always knew what to do, what to say… he helped me figure this whole thing out… I feel violated but… also abandoned… If he had stopped, I never would have told anyone.” Shame swallows you as you get more and more intimate. “I don’t think I would have told anyone if he was successful, Francisco. If he didn’t start punching the wall, I wouldn’t have screamed! I such a fucking idiot! I just didn’t want him to die!”

Resisting the urge to hold you is difficult, knowing you have to be the one to make that move. You have to be the one to express it… Still, he lies down beside you. “Madonna, you lost your dad at a young age and you spent 10 years alone with no friends, no family, no love… It makes sense why you’d want to cling to any connection you have. He took care of you, you didn’t want to let go of feeling loved. Lord knows I’ve forgiven worse for the same.”

You turn into him, your face settling on your chest as you cried yourself to sleep.

His heart ached for you, panges pulsing through his body and he clung to you, holding you steady so you could let go. He would be your rock. He would pull it together, be the man you and his baby needed…

You were so precious when you slept, your body trusting him to keep you safe,to keep you wrapped up in love and adoration. He felt so, so horrible for what happened to you, that you were hurt so badly by someone you trusted… He was probably as shocked as you were when he found out why Will was beating Jonah bloody and why you were catatonic on the floor. Jonah, of all fucking people knew what it was like to have your body violated… It angered Frankie in a way he rarely felt.

Usually his emotions were pushed down, shoved away so he could be whatever Santi needed him to be. A stress toy, a cock, a hole, an emotional sounding board. His needs and wants didn’t matter much more than they did with Beatriz, but at least Santi was protective of him, showed affection without needing reward. Still, Frankie couldn’t be himself, so often… but today, as his sleeping girl breathed heavily on his chest, her face still on shirt in a pool of her tears, he let himself feel. He’d be better for her, he’d do better. He’d stay and protect-

The door opens. “Santi wants you.”

When you wake with Ben next to you, you’re heart sinks. Not because of Ben, no, never. He was a sweetheart, your sunshine, your joy. Seconds later, his sweet sleeping face makes you smile. You like the floppy chunk of dirty blonde hair that always tickles his face when he sleeps. No, you’re sad because you miss Francisco. Nightmares woke you up again, but Ben was out like a light. It was warm in the bed, Ben always ran hot and you felt like you were melting, even in your nighty. You always chose this one no, it was flouncy enough to allow room for your belly but the material didn’t irritate your burns that were still recovering.

You think of how many members of Delta saw you naked, the scars and wondered if Santiago wanted you humiliated or not. You wonder if he knew what Divine Mother did to Francisco… Your mind reeled with questions, like what this meant for you. If the God you worshiped so clearly abused your beautiful husband, could she truly be good? You couldn’t imagine kneeling to say your prayers now, knowing she made him feel the way Jonah did to you. And then you realize you can’t stomach kneeling to Santiago either.

It’s too hot. It’s too muggy. The sheet felt wrong and you needed to get out of this room.

When the door opens, you expect to find Reyansh sleeping, but his eyes were open this time. He wore a small, sleepy smirk on his face. “Somehow, I knew you’d still find a reason to sneak out.” He had a busted open lip.

You smile back, quietly closing the door behind you. Really, you knew after Jonah you shouldn’t be around men who aren’t your husbands in skimpy nightgowns but… it was Rey. You trusted him and yeah, you trusted Jonah too but… If Rey betrayed you, there was nothing left to trust.

He stands, letting you sit in his chair and he takes a seat up against the wall next to you, despite your protests.

“Rey? Do you… pray?”

He gives a soft chuckle, resting his head on the chair. “No, I don’t. Call me a heathen. Or a heretic. Or a blasphemer? I’m not entirely sure the difference.”

“I don’t know either, honestly. I just… I’m starting to think Divine Mother wasn’t… good.”

Rey lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank fucking god, girl. No, she wasn’t.” He looks up at you, those big brown eyes framed by the curls falling around his face. He was beautiful, truly. Shame he wasn’t a god, he’d be a good one. “Beatriz Garcia is a piece of shit who sexually abused multiple young men- boys, really. She had hundred of people put to death, and she is not God, none of this is real, she’s a crazy woman who-”

“Wait.” You shake your head, frowning hard. “No, of course she’s a god. How else would Santiago, Francisco, Ben and Will be gods?”

The light in his eyes fades, and he looks sad. “Sorry, sorry. RIght. Why don’t… why don’t you tell me what you’re thinking…”

You’re curious about his reaction, but too tired to think on it further. You settle into your chair more. “I’m thinking if she’s not a good god, maybe she’s a bad one? Or a demon? I don’t know… I don’t really have anyone to talk theology with…”

Reyansh pats your leg. “You’ll figure it out, I trust you. You’re smarter than they give you credit for. You know that, right? That you’re more than just a womb?”

You laugh a little. “Well, yeah, but that's not really important, is it? My job isn’t to be smart, it’s to have the savior.”

He sighs. “You’re so much more… and yes, that is important. Just know, you matter after you give birth, okay?”

“Rey, I-”

“Just say it, please?” He sounded desperate, so much more serious than you knew him. Your eyes droop closed.

“Okay. I matter after I give birth. I know that.”

“Good. And I’m gonna be here for you, always.”

“I know.”

“Go to sleep. I’ll watch out for us.”

When Ben woke up, he was worried when he didn’t see you in the bed. Santi had sent him to go get Frankie, but not before filling his ass with cum, ensuring Ben couldn’t have a quickie with Frankie. Did he know? Did he know Ben was fucking he most favored lover? Everyone with eyes knew Santi loved Frankie more than anything on this planet, only Madonna was too stupid to figure it out. He liked her that way, though.

Ben loved Frankie with a burning passion. It was an ache that was never satiated unless they were skin to skin, unless he was buried inside him or fingers interlaced with his. No one compared to Frankie, no one made him smile, no one made him laugh, no one eased that pain buried inside him that blinded his rationale like Frankie did. Frankie knew him in a way no one could.

When he was brought to the mansion, Ben remembered two things. Will’s arms refusing to let go until Beatriz insisted, and Frankie, watching from a corner. He was so quite that day, but the way he hovered… the way he watched with curious eyes wherever they were taken, sometimes whispering to Santi. Ben had no idea these two would become closer to him than his own brother. The chill of the winter he almost froze to death in rattles in his bones to this day. Maybe that’s why his body over-compensates, why the sun bows to him. Maybe it’s his anger at the sun for hiding as the winter nearly took his life, took his family’s.

Years later, another storm would leave a child orphaned, a little baby girl. She’d be found huddled up in her parents arms as they froze to death, the last of their body heat sustaining the child until Jonah and Marcus found her. Instead of taking her to the mansion, she was brought to Marcus. Ben wondered what might have happened if she’d been brought there like he was.

Will never relinquished his grip on him, not for the next multiple decades. At first, it was endearing, the protective nature… but then it became grating, an irritant. Will prevented him from exploring his true self, his power, the things he could do… Beatriz said he was jealous, that Will liked having Ben to take care of, to control, tha the shift in the dynamic would make him try to hold on tighter and she was right. When Ben insisted he was ready to participate in the orgies, Will tried to stop him, argued with Beatriz about it and tried to get Jonah to intervene. Jonah tried, but who gave a shit what he had to say? He was a consort at best. WIll never let Ben do anything fun, anything enriching, always tried to keep him out of the activities of the other gods. He was selfish.

When he realized Madonna was not in her bathroom, he stood up quickly to find her. Francisco had been summoned by Santi, making Ben in charge of Madonna and if something happened to her, he was taking a beating for sure. Santi has Beatriz's temper, although Ben never received that end from either of them. He was as loyal as they came, did exactly as both wanted… save for his affair with Frankie.

But then Ben opened the door and he found you, asleep on the chair… with that shithead guard sleeping with his head resting on your leg.

I loved the reactions to the last chapter LMFAOOOOO everyone feeling v betrayed by jonah ;-;

AS YOU SHOULD

milder chapter, more world building focused than anything tbh learning more about ben and frankie, how will and ben came to be in beatriz's "care" if you call it that.

Thank you all for the continued support! we are getting close to the end! Ima try and finish either If You wanna Be wild (javi p x reader/oc x santi) next chapter or he finale for blessed be the fruit (joel x reader) then 4 or maybe 5 chapters. depends. the last chapters seems like a lot to squeeze in there. ANYWAY

Save the children (which has absolutely nothing to do with QAnon who hijacked their hashtag) our currently supporting relief efforts in the Congo above our listed some quick facts that I hope you’ll take a moment to read, and if you can afford it, please consider making a donation. I have made a small one, but if we band together small donations make a difference

LOVE YOU ALL!

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tiny-as-a-firely · 2 years

Text

@incalescentia // prev. post

Dorothea has a moment of weakness.

Or strength, maybe? She’s not quite sure, but there’s a lavender haze that’s cast over the two of them as Connie walks her home, talking about every little detail of his day. It’s been a while since they chatted like this, giggling arm in arm, bumbling through the streets of the city they fell in love in. And Dora allows herself to believe for that moment that all it would take is this, for her to pretend that nothing’s wrong, and maybe it will eventually become truth again.

Dora walks past her husband once he opens their front door. If this was any other date night, she would have made her way over to the living room to sit on the couch and listen to Connie’s pick of music. He always had a way of selecting a vinyl that perfectly fit the mood. It was one of the first things about him that she had fallen in love with. If this was any other night, Dorothea might have seen the envelope first.

But this wasn’t any other night – they had ditched their dinner plans, and Dora walked straight into the kitchen to prepare them a snack and bring out a bottle of wine. She was singing softly as she pulled a bottle of red from their wine cabinet. The lavender haze that had cast itself onto their evening was aglow, the thread between them taut, whispering to her. Isn’t this what you want? It murmured in her ear. Where else are you possibly going to find something like this?

Dora walks back into the kitchen and kicks her flats off, leaving them in the middle of the hallway. She turns the corner, about to ask if he’s hungry, when her eyes fall on him, on the papers he’s holding in his hand, the broken look he has on his face when their eyes meet.

She knows.

He’s never looked at her like that, and that’s how she knows, the orange envelope taunting her, and the faint thought crosses her mind that it’s really a bit silly how a stack of paper can unravel a life.

But it isn’t just a stack of paper, is it?

The calmness in his voice jolts her. She was expecting him to cry, beg, ask for another chance. It’s the one moment in their relationship that she truly realizes…just how much he loves her. An unquantifiable amount. Enough to let her go. Because she knows in that moment that he will do what she asks. No question.

The lavender haze dissipates, whispering I told you so on its way out, clearing the room. Just like that, Dorothea Hawkins has found herself back in the real world.

“Yes.” She whispers. The thread between them snaps.

#second third and hundredth chances #dorothea #dorothea x conrad #this hurted #how many taylor swift references can i pack into this story #the limit does not exist #im proud of this one fam #this shit is good writing #we're iconic #but also crying #rip us #again if you see typos no u dont

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theysaidspeaknoww · 3 days

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Second, third, and hundredth chances...

#taylor swift #folklore era #tswiftedit #taylorswift #tswift #folklore: the long pond studio session #folklore taylor swift #folklore photoshoot #folklore #swiftie #swifties #song lyric is from: exile (ft. bon iver)#not my photos

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whoblewboobear · 3 months

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Starbreaker is a fun dynamic to play with, they don’t have to be healthy and they don’t have to be in love to be whatever they are. Like I imagine that for Porter, killing Jace didn’t mean much it was a means to an end, it served a purpose, it could’ve been anybody. Love was the farthest thing from porters mind. Obsession was the closest he ever got to that. He had a goal to achieve and that was all that mattered.

Maybe Jace resented Porter the entire time, maybe he wanted him dead but didn’t feel strong enough to do it. Maybe he took comfort in whatever stockholm syndrome came with being tied to some like that, reveled in it. Because it was the most normal part of whatever else his life was for almost two years.

In canon, they’re dead, yes. But through creation they got second, third, fifth, hundredth, and infinite chances at life. Maybe in some of those, when the dust settles, they still choose each other because in a way just get each other, they get the obsession and the need and maybe over time something changes. That need becomes a want that becomes a choice to let the other in, to see the other for all they are no matter how visceral and to say, despite it all, I love you.

#there’s room for love in their dynamic and I’ll dig it out of the dirt with my bare hands #idkidkidk I just like it if they fall in love I like it when they’re soft #give me them falling in love in universes when #give them choosing each other over violence and hatred #give it all to me #I love smut it’s fun but I love to kick my feet in the air and giggle bc one of them did something that made the other feel special #maybe it’s just me #idk idk idk #jaceporter #dimension 20 #fhjy #d20 fhjy #fantasy high junior year #I gotta get the thoughts out #starbreaker

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wh0refornikolailantsov · 1 year

Note

Kaz Brekker x Reader

Taylor Swift Exile

Angst Vibes xx

I GOT YOU, TRUST ME I GOT YOU WITH THIS ONE. LIVING IN MY BRAIN RENT FREE. Also I lowkey love doing the song themed content with Kaz it makes my brain go brrrr

Leave Me With Ghosts - Kaz Brekker

Content Warnings: Canon Complaint Dysfunctional Relationship Portrayal. Angst. No Happy Ending. Second Choice Trope. Not Beta/Proof Read.

Apparently Happy Kaz Content Doesn't Seem To Be In My Drafts.

I can see you standing, honey

With his arms around your body

Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all

Kaz watches the way you're sat on the edge of a wall, hand on Jesper's shoulder, laughing away as he talks, all emphatic and dramatized gestures as always. Jesper spins one of is guns, faking a trigger pull to illustrate the story he is telling. Kaz knows none of you have spotted him yet. You lean across Jesper to pull something out a brown paper bag Wylan is holding, and you're quick to bring the pastry to your lips as you continue to smile at the two of them, Wylan cracking some kind of comment, laced with disagreement at Jesper's story. You look so comfortable at this distance, and Kaz does not doubt your acting is bested only by his own.

And it took you five whole minutes

To pack us up and leave me with it

Holding all this love out here in the hall

Kaz can hear your laugh, and it sends him back, to a quiet night in the slat, while you're explaining all the things you needn't and he is listening to the sound of your voice anyway. He should've been playing closer attention, at the time he thought it was to the work, but now he realises what he should have been playing closer attention to, was you.

I think I've seen this film before

And I didn't like the ending

You're not my homeland anymore

So what am I defending now?

You know Kaz is just out of sight, you've gotten used to the ways in which he makes his silence so loud. You're choosing to ignore it though, focus on your friends and the sound of their laughter, bringing out your own. If Kaz has something to say, he can come to you for it, you're done going to him, done seeking him out only to get yourself hurt for it. You knew that mistake was on your own hands, you'd reached for Kaz knowing he had told you how unreachable he was. You had hoped, you had hoped far too much, that maybe he was just saying those things to save you the fight you'd have to put up for him, and you'd put up a hell of one. But you couldn't keep it up. You had to choose you, even if it was crushing you.

You were my town

Now I'm in exile, seeing you out

I think I've seen this film before

"You're being watched like a hawk right now," Wylan says, face turned away from Kaz, the fear that he could hear him even at this distance Kaz could hear anything and everything Wylan might say.

"Or a crow," Jesper counters, pushing his hands in his pockets. "We can all tell you are avoiding him, you know?"

"Apparently he can't," you respond. You tap the pads of your fingers together.

"Oh, he knows," Jesper says, grabbing Wylan's arm.

"Oh, don't you dare," you start but Jesper is already guiding Wylan away, coaxing him from your presence with sweet talk and a wink. "I hate you," you mouth to Jesper and he just blows you a kiss before turning his back and dragging his boyfriend off down the street. Leaving you alone.

I can see you staring, honey

Like he's just your understudy

Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

He watches Jesper and Wylan leave, and he knows they all saw him, you push back on your heels, and it's your tell that your waiting for him. To get it over with, to come out with it, it's your way of making it clear that he is coming to you and not the other way around. Your stubbornness makes him half proud, and half nervous. The kind of nervous that burns the throat and makes his skin twitch. His approach is slow, subtle but he knows you won't buy it for a moment.

Second, third, and hundredth chances

Balancing on breaking branches

Those eyes add insult to injury

You look at him and that quiet voice in the back of his mind is screaming, all those not so quiet desires. All those things he would rather not feel, all those things better kept buried. Everything he thought he was long past, rising as quickly as the waters in his mind the moment he is near you. How can being so close to someone fill him with such waves of wanting, and fear at the same time. It's a weakness to want something to badly that you reach for it, despite knowing what that might do to you. Kaz Brekker learnt that well enough, and that is a mistake he does not want to make again.

I think I've seen this film before

And I didn't like the ending

I'm not your problem anymore

So who am I offending now?

Kaz's eyes on you makes you want to scream, but you bite your tongue. You have loved Kaz longer than he has known you existed, you have watched him in his longing, in his regret, in the time that he waited for someone who wasn't coming home. You loved him in all of it, but he seemed only to love you in her absence, and even in that you know he would never let himself. It's not that you blame him, you understand his love for her at least, how could you not? Not loving her would truly be a worse crime you often think, but this strangeness between the two of you is a cruel torture you never asked for.

You were my crown

Now I'm in exile, seein' you out

I think I've seen this film before

So I'm leavin' out the side door

Kaz intended to be the first to speak, and Saints knows you wanted him to be, but you feel like you're waiting for wars to end watching him try to find the right words. "What do you want Brekker?" you ask.

So step right out, there is no amount

Of crying I can do for you

All this time

"I don't want anything," the words taste like regret as Kaz speaks them, and before he can find the right words to fix them the poison sets in.

"Of course you don't," you sigh, "I don't... I don't have the energy for this, or the time, or quite frankly the strength." You throw your arms up, exasperated, you want to cry, you feel like you might, but you won't not for Kaz, not again.

We always walked a very thin line

You didn't even hear me out

"Why can't you be honest? With me? With yourself?" You ask. You know the answer, you both do, but you ask as if he might, for once just be clear with you. You hope, and it's foolish to hope, but you do anyway, that this once he might just say the words. "Things would be so much easier, Kaz, if we were just honest with one another."

"Honesty isn't my currency," he says, looking at where his cane rests against the floor. "Secrets are."

(you didn't even hear me out)

It was never going to be the distance between you that hurt, but the way he looks at you and you watch the moments before he remembers who he is looking at, and who he isn't. A love that was always at arms length was something you could happily live with, something you have found yourself wanting. But the second best, the constantly wondering if each day could be the day he remembers her enough that forgetting you is not even an intention, just something he does on instinct.

You never gave a warning sign

Kaz is trying to ignore the barrel around him, trying to be present, attentive, if only for this, but his city is calling and he knows you see it in the way he shifts as he stands. You can never take the barrel out of the bastard, even if you somehow got the bastard out of the barrel, but he is intent on staying exactly where he is, in every manner of the phrase.

(I gave so many signs)

You worry everything will end up leaving Kaz alone, but then again a part of you is convinced that is what he truly wants, what he has always wanted. With no one to care for him, to hope for him, to want for him, he can be what he made himself into, with no remorse for what that means to those who love him, because there would be no one left to love him. You wonder if maybe that is truly his endgame, if someone can really want to be that alone. Or if the only company he ever really craved is gone and now he sees no value in anything, you don't doubt that's the easy answer.

All this time

I never learned to read your mind

"I'm weak for you," Kaz's mind screams at him, "weak for the sight of you, for your company, for the moments that we have never and will never have, how can you still not see that?" He says nothing, he just watches you, waiting for you to turn away, as you should, as you have to do.

(never learned to read my mind)

"Say something," your mind screams, but you won't ask him again, you won't beg for something from Kaz Brekker, you won't beg for answers, for attention, for anything. You can't.

I couldn't turn things around

"I will not wait for you to realise that you could never love anyone but her Kaz Brekker," you say. Kaz cannot help it, his blank expression slacks and he looks confused. Part of him is tearing at him, begging him to tell you "you're wrong, you're wrong," but he stays silent. For you. Because it's better this way. Better if you hate him, better if he doesn't hurt you anymore. "I know you well enough to know you never loved me, and I don't think you could, even if you wanted to." Lie. That lie is burning into his chest but he stays stiller than a corpse as he watches you turn. "This is better for you, this is better for you, it has to be," he tells himself over and over trying to drown out ever other piece of reasoning, every other option, trying to push it under the waters and keep it there, drown out all his own wants until there is only this choice, the choice he is adamant is for you.

(you never turned things around)

Your back is to him and you have to ask, you have to or you'll think about it every day. "Kaz Brekker, do you wish to be so unhappy, is it a choice, or are you truly that lost?"

'Cause you never gave a warning sign

"To drown in sorrow is more fulfilling than suffocate in pleasure most days," he says, and it might just be the last piece of honesty you can pull from him. And you are not push it further.

(I gave so many signs)

So many signs, so many signs

You didn't even see the signs

"Was that everything?" You ask and even that feels like too much of a branch, a last opportunity for him to say something more, words he will never say about things he will never really mean.

"No, it was nothing, and the everything still hovers just out of reach, where I suppose it belongs," Kaz sighs. "I suppose it is."

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #six of crows #kaz x reader #kaz brekker x reader #kazzle dazzle #kaz being kaz #kaz brekker

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honeybubblebeeeeee · 11 months

Text

EXILE || Kylo Ren x Fem!reader

Exile by Taylor Swift but it's you and Kylo

Tw: Straight angst honestly

You and Kylo had a falling out. Not just a falling out. A full on terrible break up. Words were said, threats were made. You were tired of begging Kylo for the bare minimum. You had split a few months ago and had successfully avoided each other. But you knew you'd see him tonight at the First Order ball. You chose a black dress with deep red accents that hugged your body in all the right places, a thigh slit up the side and a deep neckline. One Kylo had picked out for you long ago. Did you wear it so he would look at you? Maybe, but you would never admit to it.

Your date was not someone you knew well, just someone who had worked in your division and had asked you to go. You wanted to apologize in advance for the backlash he would receive from Kylo but you didn't. You swayed together to the music that played as other couples danced around you. His arms were wrapped around you pulling you closer than you had really wanted to be to him as your eyes scanned over his shoulder for the darkness that had shadowed you for so long. Your date whispered something in your ear, something that was probably supposed to be funny but you weren't listening as your mind was occupied, you forced a laugh anyway. I can see you standing, honey With his arms around your body Laughing but the joke's not funny at all

Kylo stood in the hall outside the ballroom. The doors were slightly open, enough that he could see you without you seeing him. He felt his skin crawl as your date's hands caressed the skin that was uncovered by the openness of the back of your dress. The one he got you. His jaw clenched as you smiled and laughed at something your date whispered in your ear.

And it took you five whole minutes To pack us up and leave me with it Holding all this love out here in the hall

Kylo wanted to rip his arms off of you and drag you out of there. You had not even been apart that long. Months maybe, but that was nothing to Kylo. He would never think of another person again and here you were already in the arms of another. You were still his regardless of what you thought. He scoffed as you left the dance floor to sit at a table hand in hand. Kylo had thought you wanted space. That is why he left you alone these past couple months. You were the only place Kylo felt comfortable, he might say safe even. He felt like he was watching from behind glass, like he wasn't really here. Everything he did was for you, so why were you acting this way?

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defending now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seeing you out I think I've seen this film before

Kylo pulled the doors open wider and stormed into the room. People looked to him as he stalked to the side of the room farthest from you. You didn't even look past the man sat in front of you to look at him. It only angered him more. I can see you staring, honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

You forced yourself not to look as Kylo stalked into the room. He of course haunted the corner directly in your line of sight if you looked past your date. You could feel his eyes burning into you. Your date excused himself a moment as a group of men called him over.

You looked directly to Kylo. You could almost see the violent tendencies that were crawling under his skin at the sight of you with another man. Not that the man meant anything. Kylo would make him temporary even if he did mean something. You couldn't help but shake your head and look away.

Second, third and hundredth chances Balancing on breaking branches Those eyes add insult to injury

You had given Kylo more than enough chances for years to give you more than the bare minimum. You had begged and cried and hoped he would act like you were more than something replaceable. He was cold and unforgiving. In all honesty, you never really knew how he felt about you because he would never tell you.

You looked up and made eye contact with him. The look on his face made you wince. At first glance he looked angry and you were sure he was but his eyes, his eyes looked almost teary. Hurt.

You looked for your date, who seemed to have found someone else to be more interested in. That was probably for the best.

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending I'm not your problem anymore So who am I offending now? You were my crown Now I'm in exile seeing you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leaving out the side door

You stood abruptly and moved quickly to the smaller door behind you to leave. You couldn't stand to be here anymore. To see him stare at you like a neglected puppy when you were the one who had been neglected. You slipped through the door, walking quickly down the hall when the door opened behind you and heavy footsteps followed you.

So step right out There is no amount Of crying I can do for you

A gloved hand grabbed your arm and whipped you around as tears fell from your eyes. Kylo gripped your shoulders as he stared into your eyes, jaw clenched. All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (You didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) "What do you want Kylo?" Your voice broke as it left your lips.

"Why were you with him? I gave you space like you wanted and this is what I get in return?" His voice was cold as always.

You scoff and shake your head pulling away from him. "Space? Really? When did I EVER ask for SPACE?"

He stares at you, unmoving as if his brain cannot process the words.

"All I have ever wanted is for you to act like you actually give a shit about me Kylo." You spun to look to him as he continued to stand there emotionless. You scoff and shake your head. "And for the record we have not been together this entire time, we are not together right now so it does not matter who I am with." You turn away from him but his voice stops you.

"When was it decided that we were not... I did not realize you did not want to be with me" You let you a chuckle, he couldn't even say you were together.

"Kylo, how many times did I beg you to stop treating me like I was temporary? Did you not hear me every time I told you I couldn't do this anymore?" The look on his face made you feel like maybe you really hadn't said it out loud but you know you did.

He shook his head. "I don't understand."

All this time I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind) I couldn't turn things around (You never turned things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) So many signs So many signs (You didn't even see the signs)

"You don't understand or you don't want to understand? What, did you think I was avoiding you for fun these past few months? That I removed all my belongings from your room just for something to do?" You threw your hands up in defeat. Again as usual, he still showed not a single emotion.

He opened his mouth to say something but shut it just as quickly.

"I'm done Kylo." You turned away and made haste in escaping him. He didn't follow this time. He hadn't seen the signs.

His hands bunched into fists at his side as the ring in his pocket burned a hole in him.

(also send requests! i appreciate them they help smmmm with writers block <3)

#kylo ren x reader #kylo fanfic #kylo x reader #kylo x you #kylo #kylo angst #kylo ren

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