#.my brain is buffering constantly ok

[sharpth1ng]

OMG YOURE BOTH BIG DICK RANDY AND HW? BIG BRAIN SHIT. - I AM and bahaha thank you. I have like 20 minutes to myself rn, so speed typing this on my phone and apologizing for the incoming spam that's about to come your way because I'm going to respond to both Randy's monster cock and the HW stuff separately. (really need to get my shit together and find a username) First tho, your tags on that other post abt the dicks and Hank Williams. Iconic. and this tag thanks for the great chats as always - is so sweet and back at you!😊 1/2 He’s like “No I’m just not a fucking cocksucker” (red face). - he totally does which draws more attention to him not less (then he has the audacity to lecture Stu abt subtlety smh...)

(AND YES AT STUS MEAN GIRL ENERGY! that’s my favourite tbh like that’s the scene (aside from the kitchen) where it feels like, the most undeniable that they’re fucking.) YES that scene and the kitchen are truly amazing. I love how Randy is just there being used like a human barrier to keep them jumping on each other in the damn store. HIS EXPRESSION TOO. Every scene where those two interact it's like they're fucking in their own way with their go between. Even by the fountain and at the door.

why am I starting to think it’s funnier if Billy is average sized and just really insecure about it? - exactly what my thought process was lmao, like because A) he's dramatic about it (boy needs that a little bit dramatic shirt Regina wore in Mean Girls which I'm now picturing him wearing in the final act for his dying swan/falling down the stairs scene and the entire kitchen scene) and B) hates Randy, so this is just another thing for him to be pissed about. (speaking of I have always headcanoned he hates Randy because he's jealous of Stu's friendship with him, not because Randy is into Sid like he lets Randy believe. I could even imagine him asking Sid out in the first place when Stu starts up with Casey, just to one up Randy). I'm also loving the idea of Stu saying something about Randy's dick size at some point just to bait Billy and it fucking works (Billy thinks he's in control of this relationship but this entire lap dog scenario Randy speaks of is mutual and deep down Billy knows it and is pissed about that too! fdsjkfds)

Bless you Big Dick Hank Williams (hows that for a username lmao)

And LMAO you're welcome for the tags, I do my best.

Billy is CONSTANTLY lecturing Stu on subtlety and then going around being the most obvious cocksucker, its absurd really.

RANDY THE HUMAN BARRIER THO. I hc that theres been a whole lot of tension between them for years at this point, and they've both probably used Randy to buffer that before they were really ready to deal with it, and before it was even a sexual thing. He went to so many horribly awkward middle school sleepovers.

And OK but I've been thinking that Randy and Billy knew each other before Stu, like they were in preschool together and prob didn't get along that well but didn't hate each other. Then Stu started at their school in grade 1 or 2 and made friends with both of them and suddenly Billy just became the WORST to Randy.

I might write some one shot with them as kids tbh i've been interested in that dynamic and how it changes as they get older OH GOD I HAVE SO MUCH WRITTING TO DO

And tbh? I love the idea that he decided to start dating Sid because he knew Randy liked her, like Billy might not have even realized that that was what he was doing but that do be what he did. I think Stu's been dating for a while, probably started dating before Billy so I think Billy also decided he just needed to be dating some girl at a certain point.

ALSO HOLY SHIT THE MEAN GIRLS SHIRT LMAO. At this point i just have a mental collection of 'time out' shirts for Billy.

LOL also ya Stu baiting Billy about Randy's dick size would bring the furies of hell down on him but we know he's into that tbh so y'know.

[iinmortales]

i think maybe

olivia

matthew

[nolawritesfanfics-deactive]

hello ! sooo,, how 'bout kaeya with a cryo archon reader ?? Fluff pls ? (idk if you do male reader but gender neutral is fine !) (if not thats ok !!)

Hello!! I love this idea, I feel like Kaeya would be super excited to have the cryo archon as an s/o!! I think that he would ask you to make fancy ice sculptures for him when you have free time.(*≧∀≦*)

Lmk if there’s any mistakes!

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

———————————————————————-

Kaeya with a Gn!Cryo Archon s/o

When you first told him, he probably thought it was a joke until you showed him your fighting skills/gnosis.

He would be super happy for you, and he would be pumped that he was dating an archon!!

His brain would buffer for a second, and only after your conversation would he realize that you gave him his vision.

Would get very protective when he finds out that the Fatui are after your gnosis.

☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

The infamous Cavalry Captain was known for his flirtatious personality and endless charm.

He was the social butterfly of the knights, constantly jumping from person to person, practically becoming untouchable to those who wanted to have a long term relationship with him.

At least that’s what the citizens of Mondstadt thought.

Surprisingly, there was someone who managed to capture this man’s heart. That person was you.

You two had met by chance, becoming friends and working your way up from there.

Your relationship with Kaeya was long-lasting and neither of you wanted that to change.

And that’s why you were so nervous to tell him your biggest secret.

You were the Tsaritsa, otherwise known as the Cryo Archon.

You wielded a fake Cryo Vision to avoid suspicion (suggested by Venti) and posed as a regular citizen until the Fatui were off your trail. Unfortunately, you never expected to fall in love with a mortal while you were hiding.

Sure, this complicated things at the start, but you knew how love worked, and you were not going to let it consume you. But it did make you yearn for Kaeya’s trust, making you feel the need to tell him about who you really were.

So, earlier today, you told Kaeya to meet you at Vanessa’s tree at sunset. And that’s where you were headed right now.

When you had arrived at your meeting spot, Kaeya was already waiting for you there.

“Hey, love.” Kaeya said, eyes lighting up at the sight of you. “Why did you want to meet me here?”

You walked up the steps to the Statue of the Seven, and sighed. You tightly clasped your hands together, secretly wishing that you didn’t have to do this.

“Kaeya, I need to tell you something.” You started, “But you have to promise not to hate me afterwards.”

Kaeya looked at you with concern in his eyes. “There’s nothing that you could do to make me hate you- but you’re leading me on, what’s the big secret?”

The moment has finally come.

“Kaeya, my Cryo vision is fake, I only use it to blend in because-“

You took a shaky breath.

“Because I’m an archon.”

Kaeya remained silent for a few seconds before you heard him chuckle softly. “My, my, (Y/n)! I never that you were one for pranks.”

He then got a good look at your face, and when he saw your dead-serious expression, he finally caught on. “Oh. You’re not kidding, are you?”

“Nope.” You responded.

To give him proof that you weren’t lying, you showed him your gnosis. You weren’t sure if this was a good idea, but you trusted that the Cavarly Captain wouldn’t make any stupid decisions around you.

“The Fatui are after me- that’s why I’m in Mondstadt. When I first came here, my only goal was to protect myself. But then I met you.”

Kaeya couldn’t tell if he was happy or worried. You were right, there was no safe zone for a god, and he wanted no trouble to come your way, especially not trouble from the Fatui.

But, being an archon also made you harder to beat as well, and he knew that you could fight for yourself. This didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be more protective of you in the future though.

In the end, all he wanted to do was protect you.

So, Kaeya softly wrapped his arms around you, swaying as he held you.

“I could never hate you for such a thing.” He sighed, “Just know that you’re not alone anymore. I’ll be here to help you.”

When you looked up at him, you saw nothing but sincerity in his eyes.

“Thank you, Kaeya.”

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o))

After your discussion with Kaeya, you both decided to go to the tavern. Kaeya said that you needed to relax a little, and you agreed, still feeling a bit shaken up from your confession.

As you were talking to Charles and ordering drinks, Kaeya realized something.

You had given him his vision during his fight with Diluc.

You had helped him when he needed it the most, and you saved his life when he thought he wouldn’t make it. Most of all, you had helped him join the knights and create a life for himself in Mondstadt.

He watched you with admiration as you sat down on the stool beside him. The Cavalry Captain’s heart swelled, knowing that you were with him from the very start.

And Kaeya promised that he would stay with you until the very end.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡

[blankblankityblank]

Just, don’t wake up

Hi everyone! This is my fic for the @starkerkink exchange, dedicated to @vaguekiwi! I really hope you enjoy it :)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Tony Stark

High school AU, with superpowers.

Tony’s home life has never been amazing, but one night, it’s just too much for him. He flies blindly to the first destination he can think of in his battered suit, holding his breath when he realises exactly who’s house he’s flown to. He doubts this evening will be normal, especially when he realises there’s only one bed.

Warnings: Masturbation, Flogging, Name-calling, Restraints, slightly dub-con, both 17. Check ao3 for further warnings!

Read on ao3!

Tony arrived late to class, as usual. Peter sighed, the usual thought flitting through his head: How does he always manage to arrive late, even with a full body suit that flies?

The teacher for their class, AP Bio, glanced at Tony unimpressed but unsurprised-this was a regular occurrence, and it showed.

Tony waltzed to his seat with the usual I-really-don’t-give-a-shit attitude, plonking down and prompt executing a yawn. Peter rolled his eyes; did he always have that look on his hot face? How did he even get into AP Bio when he didn’t even pay attention? Oh yeah, that’s right-Howard Stark’s son, prodigy at 4, bla bla bla. Peter needed a break from the constant ‘Tony Stark made his own suit’ fawning that half the girls, and guys, constantly exhibited. Like yeah, big deal-was anyone gonna talk about Peter’s amazing skills to do with web fluid? Or crafting his own suits, which, well, didn’t always go particularly well?

“And today, we will be taking a bit of an off-topic turn into some neurobiology! Chemicals and hormones produced by the brain!” The teacher sang, trying to mask her own boredom with the unresponsive class, “who can tell me what the four main hormones to do with happiness contain?”

Peter shot his hand up, excited that he for once knew the answer to the question before smart-ass Tony.

“The four main chemicals are endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, often abbreviated as D.O.S.E,” Peter stated. Tony slowly turned around in his chair, and glared at him. Peter just smirked. ‘One day,’ he mouthed at the growingly frustrated classmate.

“Very good! Can someone tell me what each of these hormones’ functions are?” Their teacher again asked. Peter’s hand shot up for the second time, his mouth forming a smirk in sync.

--------------------------------

“Well well well, if it isn’t smart-ass Parker in a sticky situation?” Tony purred, his smooth voice richoeing off of the poorly-designed science lab. Peter sighed, closing his eyes in preparation before facing the problem.

“Does it look like I don’t know what I’m doing? Wouldn’t wanna steal your thunder now, would I?” He snarked back, trying to stir his web fluid in peace. The teacher had allowed his class 15 minutes of time to work on their various powers, any tweaks or fixes being attended to. Tony had apparently finished oiling up his suit, but Peter had no such privilege.

Tony flicked the back of Peter’s head as he strutted away, going over to talk to Steve and Bucky. Goddamned overpowered mutants. Ok, so maybe Peter was a tiny bit jealous of their friendship, but that was his business.

He dispensed the web fluid with a sigh, getting ready to pack up and head back to his apartment, and hopefully blow off some steam with a Star Wars movie night. He smiled softly to himself; maybe the day wouldn’t be so bad after all. He could chill with may, have some hot chocolate, quote every line of Empire Strikes Back because he totally doesn’t know it word for word.

The bell rang, immediately followed by a cacophony of bags zipping, several whirring sounds as various students fired up their ride home. Peter ducked his head down, knowing his power wasn’t as rich or powerful as his classmates’ privileged ones. And they didn’t even know it, how lucky they were. They’d never know what it’s like to be born with stickiness and a general strength upgrade. No super-advanced knowledge of tech, engineering, how to fly, being able to fly...everything that separated him from the rest of his peers.

Peter swung his backpack over his shoulder, cursing as his AP Bio textbook dropped onto the ground, setting off a too-loud thump on the concrete floor. A few heads swivelled in his direction, and Peter flushed as he hurriedly picked the offending book up, and returned it to its rightful place. Face still hot, he all but rushed out of the classroom, eager to change into his suit and get this day over with.

“Hey! Parker! Wait up, for fuck’s sake. You dropped two books, not one, you blind-ass bat,” Tony hollered, his feet slapping against the linoleum. Peter grabbed the exercise book from Tony’s offering hand, not dignifying the teen with a response. Ok, so maybe it was a bit harsh. But he had to stay ice-cold around Tony; if it got out Parker had a crush, it would not go down well. At. All.

“You’re not even gonna say thanks?” Tony spluttered in disbelief, hand still outstretched.

“Nope,” Peter replied, popping the ‘p’.

“Pretty sure I deserve some recognition, I could have just left that book on the floor for some other snotty-nosed kid to find,” Tony said indignantly, hand returned to his side.

“Well then don’t do it next time. I don’t give a shit, Stark,” Peter fired back, attempting to quell his progressingly noticeable butterflies.

Tony opened his mouth in a retort, but instead opted for an eye roll and spun on his heel. Probably to get back to his fancy 5 star penthouse, Peter thought bitterly. He headed to the bathrooms, diligently fighting his instinct to catch a glance of that ass. God, he was so, so gone.

-------------------------

Peter entered his apartment silently, not wanting to disturb May. He kicked off his shoes, deflating his suit and carrying the rest of his belongings to his room. Or, his cave, as May liked to call it. The 16 year old dungeon was another favourite of hers.

“May? ‘M home..” He trailed off when the bright Post-it note caught his eye. He frowned, peeling it off the bench and reading the bubbly handwriting. ‘Picked up an extra shift, be home tomorrow at 7! Sorry I couldn’t make it tonight kiddo xx’ Well. He could kiss his plans of venting to may goodbye, it seemed. Hot chocolate and a movie night still lifted his hopes, albeit less enthusiastic with no one to share it with now. The teen hummed the Star Wars theme song as he boiled the water and got his hot chocolate ready. He finished his task from earlier, dumping his stuff in an impossibly messy room that cleaning seemed impossible. There were things he didn’t want to uncover by doing so.

The TV flickered to life, selecting the chosen movie as directed by Peter. He sipped on his hot chocolate, swearing softly when the liquid burnt his tongue. It’d probably need to cool, considering the loss of feeling in his taste buds. The TV screen suddenly paused the movie, indicating the buffering icon as the infuriatingly slow loading bar popped up.

“For fucks’ sake…” Peter muttered, deciding to take a quick shower to pass the time. He didn’t bother getting clothes, seeing as he was the only one home. He padded to the bathroom, turning the shower on and watching as the water slowly began to produce steam. He then stripped, chucking his clothes into the overflowing hamper and stepping into the soothing water. He let it wash over him, adjusting himself to the temperature as he scrubbed himself with vanilla soap, the day’s events flicking hazily through his mind.

The teen looked down, noticing his growing hard-on. Maybe his thoughts about Tony had taken a...darker turn. He palmed himself half-heartedly, almost jolting when the spark of arousal ran through his body. He groaned softly to himself, putting more energy into pumping his hard on. His precum provided lubricant, his hand going up and down faster and faster until he was right on the edge and it felt so good, and-

Peter pulled his hand off, letting his erect cock bob helplessly in the air. He was breathing hard, not having reached his orgasm. It just...it didn’t feel right. He rubbed soap on his body again, his dick slowly returning to it’s normal size.

The shower came to a close after 15 minutes of staring at the wall, he may or may not have been thinking about a certain black head of hair, brown eyes flecked with gold, the body of a Greek god...maybe he lost track of time, but it was time well spent in Peter’s opinion. He towelled himself off with less energy, suddenly losing the motivation to actually dry himself off-probably because all his brain power was used trying to figure out a certain someone’s personality.

He plopped onto his nest of blankets and pillows, smiling when he saw the movie was ready to watch again. He hit play, content with the world at last.

That is, until some fucking idiot banged, not knocked, banged, on Peter’s door. He resolutely ignored it, turning the volume of the TV to max. Until, the banging didn’t stop. It just kept going. And going. And going-

“This better be a real good fucking reason,” Peter snarled, pausing his movie with more force than he probably needed to, and he stomped to the door.

The assault on the door didn’t stop, even when Peter yelled ‘Coming!’ to try and ease the banging. It did not succeed. He swung open the door, fuming, the epitome of annoyance as expressed on his face. He was ready to give this newcomer a piece of his mind, what, interrupting his fucking movie night, the audacity-

The words died in his throat as he looked up to launch a deadly glare, only to be met with chocolate brown eyes, flecked with gold, a soft pink cupid’s bow, the presence of stubble beginning to form a goatee, and oh wait, he’s seen this before, wait a minute-

“Tony?” He spluttered, taking a step back as he took in the scene before him. Tony, in a banged up suit he probably used as his transportation, his hand poised to bang at the door again. Tony’s expression mirrored Peter’s, a mixture of shock and confusion. Unlike Peter’s, Tony’s cleared quickly, and formed a new expression-one of almost desperation.

“Look, Parker, I’m sorry alright? I just...I need somewhere to stay tonight,” he rubbed a hand over his face, “forget it. I knew it was stupid to come, sorry for wasting your time I guess,” he muttered, already pivoting on his heel. Without his conscious consent, Peter grabbed Tony’s arm as he turned away. They both froze, neither knowing what Peter did.

“Wait, I...you can stay, Tony. You can come in, I just was watching Empire Strikes Back,” Peter ranted, gently tugging Tony inside. The latter seemed to be in a state of shock, obviously not expecting the positive response.

“Empire Strikes Back? You would be watching that, of all movies,” Tony snarked, recovering quickly from his bout of shock.

“You’re the guest, at least try to be nice,” Peter countered, blushing at the tips of his ears from embarrassment. He huffed, flopping onto his comfortable collection of pillows. He raised an eyebrow meaningfully at Tony, who looked a little out of place with his scratched suit. Peter was curious, but didn’t pry-there was obviously something that caused Tony to come in so suddenly.

“Being nice? To Parker? Talk to me when you have an achievable goal,” Tony grumbled, walking around to tour Peter’s apartment. Peter hoped it would be up to his standards. Wait, no he didn’t, Tony’s standards didn’t matter to him. At all.

Peter resumed his movie, soon becoming engrossed in the iconic plotline that he’d seen hundreds of times before, yet it never failed to make him excited. Tony watched his classmate from the shadows, the smile on Peter’s face contagious. His auburn curls, sharp jawline...Picture perfect Tony mused, as the lights from the movie danced across Peter’s angelic features. Tony shook his head, afraid of getting caught in the act-someone that beautiful would never return his feelings.

The depressing thought prompted Tony to emerge from the shadows, gliding over to where Peter was laying down and slumped nearby, resigning himself to the fact he’d have to watch this nerd movie. His suit whirred in the corner, fixing its own malfunctions as Tony had programmed it to.

“I don’t even know what the fuck is going on, Parker,” Tony muttered, the movie’s plot confusing him due to the lack of knowledge in previous films.

Peter just smiled, deciding it would take too long to explain the plot. Tony saw this, and a small smile spread across his face, too. It was nice to have a friend that just accepted you into their home, even if you had no explanation. Well, he couldn’t really tell the boy his explanation. Home was...a bit hard to go to at the moment, not that he’d ever tell Parker. He glanced at the serene expression on Peter’s face again, taking in the pure joy as he watched his seemingly favourite movie. Yeah, he was not gonna spoil that expression. Not ever.

--------------------------------

The movie’s credits rolled, signifying the end of the movie night. Tony softly blew out through his nose, wondering if it would be overstepping to stay the night. Before he could dig a hole of despair within himself, Peter noticed his obvious inner battle. Deciding to put the rivalry behind him for now, he reached out to Tony, gently touching his arm and effectively grabbing his attention.

“We should head to bed...if you’re ok with that,” Peter murmured, gently tugging Tony’s arm as he stood up.

Tony sucked in a breath at sparks of pleasure that rippled through him as Peter’s hand lingered. He got to his feet, following Peter through the apartment, taking in the few decorations and pictures. He paused at an old picture of an obviously much younger picture of Peter, sitting on a man’s shoulders. He looked so...well, happy. Tony frowned; what had happened? Not wanting to intrude, he tucked the question away for later, and hurried to catch up with Peter.

“So, this is it. The humble abode, I guess,” Peter chuckled nervously, giving a dramatic wave with his hands. Tony looked around, taking in the worn twin bed, well-read books mounted on shelves that looked as if they could fall at any minute, the stained dresser, obviously the victim of many late-night hot chocolate spills. Tony could feel a slight smile tugging at his lips-this felt like Peter.

“Humble, huh. Didn’t know you were a Potter fan,” Tony smirked, gesturing at the aforementioned books. A red blush tinted the teen’s cheeks as he rushed to defend himself.

“I’ll have you know Harry Potter is a very famous series, thank you very much,” he huffed, crossing his arms. The following silence was comfortable, Peter rifling through his dresser as he looked for his pyjamas. He succeeded, muttering a soft ‘aha’ at the victory, and turned to head to the bathroom.

“Get yourself comfy, you can sleep wherever, couch or bed,” Peter stated, trying not to blush for a third time in an hour. He made quick work of changing, exiting the bathroom once he was satisfied with his appearance. A new toothbrush smacked Tony in the back of the head, credits of Peter.

“The fuck, Parker? Why couldn’t you just ask me to turn around,” Tony muttered, grabbing the toothbrush and making his way to the meager bathroom. He cleaned his teeth, checked his face for any signs of, well, outstanding blemishes, and once satisfied, returned to the bedroom. Peter was already in the bed, having turned off the lights and receiving a wave of sleepiness that he couldn’t refuse.

Tony hesitated before quietly sliding in beside Peter, careful not to touch him in hopes of keeping him comfortable. After all, this was Peter’s bed. He shifted, finding the proximity a little too...exciting.

Peter stirred, muttering something incomprohensive that sounded suspiciously like ‘Stop fucking moving,’ which Tony grudgingly obeyed. He found himself drifting sooner than he usually did; maybe it was the company that finally got his eyes to close, who knows. It just felt good to be cared about.

--------------------------

“Fuck, harder Tony,” Peter cried out, relishing the feeling of the flogger on his burnt ass, “please. Please Tony, ah!”

Tony whipped mercilessly, painting the teen’s ass and lower back a pretty scarlet colour. He knew Peter loved it, despite the whimpers of pain as he relentlessly assaulted his body, again and again.

“Little slut, begging for me to stop like a good little bitch. Ask me nicely, I might consider,” Tony snarled, drinking in the moans that came tumbling out of Peter’s mouth at the sentence.

“P-please, I promise I’ll be your good little cockslut, please just let me go,” Peter repeated, rolling his eyes back from pleasure. His cock twitched at the constant stimulation, begging for touch, but Peter couldn’t move, the restraints preventing him from relief.

Tony growled, pausing the flogging at 15 hits. “You better live up to that, whore,” he snarled, taking in the sight before him. Peter, bound to the bed face-down, bent over the back, ass on display. His petite frame quivered in anticipation, preparing for more of the flogging.

“Yes, Tony, I promise I’ll be good, no more,” Peter begged, too aroused to care how desperate he might sound. He jerked his hips forward, trying and failing miserably to acquire friction for his painfully hard dick.

Tony untied the restraints slowly, careful not to hurt his lover any more, now that the scene was over. Peter sobbed, reaching down almost immediately to try and relieve his aching cock. Tony slapped Peter’s hand away, taking the matters into his own hands.

“Such a naughty boy, trying to touch yourself without permission. What do we say?” Tony crooned, teasing Peter’s tip. The latter cried out, grinding against Tony’s hand in hopes of release.

“‘M sorry, so sorry, please, please let me-ah!” Peter abruptly cut off his rambling as Tony took him in hand, stroking along his length tantalisingly. Peter sobbed, crying out as the feeling grew. He centered in on the sensation Tony was giving him, pumping his dick with such earnest it was almost too much, the heat building in his lower abdomen, ready to burst-

Peter woke up with a start, acutely aware of his burning arousal. Oh. Oh shit. He just had one of those dreams...about Tony. Who was right next to him. Peter sucked in a breath, his eyes going wide. He calculated his options, quickly realising he couldn’t move without waking him up.

He cursed the lack of space in the bed, horror taking over as his arousal became too prominent to ignore. He whined softly into his pillow, at loss with how to deal with the predicament. How did things go so badly wrong so soon?

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Tony elicited a groan in the silence of the room and shifted to that his hip was pressed against Peter’s...problem. He unconsciously bucked into the stimulation, immediately regretting the action as Tony groaned again and moved, if possible, closer to his dick. Well, wasn’t this just amazing.

----------------------------

Tony awoke from his sweet abyss of darkness, groaning in annoyance. What had woken him up? He thought he’d heard a whimper, but that couldn’t be right. He shuffled closer to his warm pillow, which promptly moved back against him. Tony froze; pillows weren’t supposed to move. Pillows...also didn’t have a bulge. He recovered quickly, a smirk slowly growing when he realised what had happened here. Parker was hard. So, so hard.

Tony groaned again, this time intentionally shifting against Peter’s bulge to try and gauge how exactly this was going to play out. He was met almost immediately with a response as Peter grinded against him. Tony stifled a moan; it was insanely hot, how responsive Peter was. He was obviously trying to hold back, covering his mouth as he desperately sought relief against Tony. The latter helpfully shifted again, receiving a small squeak in response. Peter’s hand snaked down to his cock, unable to hold back anymore. Tony closed his eyes, savouring this moment-possibly the only time he’d get to be this intimate with his crush, even if he was ‘asleep’.

Peter palmed against his sweats, the pleasure making his breathing uneven as he neared his climax. He felt so bad for doing this with Tony in the same bed, but he was past the point of being able to control his movements. The pressure built up inside him like a spring coiled at it’s base, as he desperately rutted against his hand, when it all became too much-and Peter went rigid. The white-hot pleasure consumed his body, racking through him in wave after wave as he tried to silently ride out his orgasm. The spurts of come soaked his boxers, but Peter was too out of his mind to care as the high slowly came down. His breathing was hard and his sweats were cold and sticky, but the aftershocks of the orgasm jerked his softening cock.

The world slowly came back to him as Peter blinked a couple times, trying to orient himself. The first thing he thought was oh shit, now I’ll have to lie in this mess until Tony wakes up.

That is, until he realised a tiny detail. Tony’s back and hip was completely covered. In. Peter’s. Cum.

Peter looked up slowly, the horror beginning to consume him. His entire body froze when Tony looked right back at him.

[caps-lockdown]

Sweater Weather Part Four

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG GUYS! If I’m being honest I fell out of love with this part pretty quick, and most of it is a filler chapter. There’s some flashbacks for the sake of plot, just FYI. Anyway I hope you all enjoy it!

Also I realize that some of the flashbacks may not completely add up to the actual timeline of films, so just ignore that. Thanks. 

Pairings: Steve Rogers x PottsRelativeFem!Reader

Ratings/Warnings: R 

For everything from language, crude jokes, ADULT situations/impure thoughts, booze (because it’s pretty much a staple in my fics at this point.), arguments, and an extremely overprotective Tony Stark. Very little angst, as I try to keep most of my fics light humored. But of course there are some insecurities/unsure feelings, as well as sad feels from everything with endgame/ the decimation. Also dead parents.

Also AU in the fact NO ONE DIED during Endgame/Steve didn’t go back. Also as much as I adore Morgan Stark, she isn’t around yet. I didn’t know where this would fit timeline wise, so just ignore the timeline. Kay? Cool.

Words: 5,442 (Ish)

Summary: You’ve just moved to New York after a long 3 year stint travelling the world and helping with various charities, taking a new job with Stark Industries thanks to your cousin Pepper. A trip out to surprise Tony and The Avengers for the weekend turns from good to terrible when the a/c at the compound breaks. How will you beat the heat for the record breaking weekend?

It’s in Y/N Y/L/N format, any pictures, outfits, gifs, and marvel characters just assume I don’t own them. Also no Beta, as I don’t ever have one, so the mistakes and reader are all my own. Enjoy!

Part Four

To say that dinner was awkward was the biggest understatement of the century.

Everyone sat at the table in silence, barely making eye contact with anyone else, the sound of scraping utensils and the nervous clearing of throats the only noises passing the time. You picked at your food, zoned out and trying not to acknowledge Tony’s sulking figure at the end of the table. True to your word you sat next to Steve, thankful for his large hand on your thigh and occasionally giving you a comforting squeeze. Or drawing circles on your knee to help keep you grounded, which you appreciated more than words could convey.

All of you had finished eating when Pepper decided to find her voice, setting her fork down with a large clang that made you jump.

“Alright. It’s been an hour and I’m sick of it. This silence is stupid. This whole fight between Y/N and Tony is stupid. I would kill both of you if I didn’t have so many witnesses here right now. So can we please try to find a way to get you two to freaking apologize? I didn’t keep you coming back a secret for nearly six months for nothing Y/N.” Your gaze became hazy at your cousin’s firm tone, feeling childish for how you had acted earlier.

“And you!” She glared at her husband, who already was appearing to feel two feet tall at the present, “Y/N isn’t even back for twenty four hours and you have to feel obligated to shove your way into her personal life?! She is an adult, who she decides to spend her time with is her business. Not yours. Her mother was suffocating enough when she was alive, she doesn’t need you to fill those shoes.”

“I’d pay to see Stark in heels.” Sam’s quip had you chuckling, remembering the sky scraper height of some of your mom’s footwear.

“I wouldn’t last twenty minutes in those things.” Tony’s quiet voice snapped your eyes to him, and you saw first hand how guilty he was truly feeling about the whole ordeal. “Pep’s right. Y/N I am sorry for how I acted earlier. You are an adult and even though I may not like the idea of you and…Steve” He said his teammate’s name almost painfully, swallowing a large gulp of his wine and staring at the two of you, “You’re both truly wonderful people and I won’t say I told you so if it goes down in flames. I love you short stack, I just want you to be happy.”

“Thanks Snark. I tolerate you for Pepper’s sake, and I will accept your apology only because we’re related. Also because I’m tired of seeing you look like someone burned down your lab with all of your suits locked in it.” Watching his face break into a small grin forced you to do the same, everyone clapping at the two of you morons and getting up to clear the table.

“So what’s the plan for the evening? It’s too hot to do anything strenuous.” Sam commented, the dishes cleaned and put away. Pepper had to sit on you in a chair to keep you from helping this time. Surveying the living room your mind began to work, your earlier activities with the air cooling inventions coming to mind.

“How about we move all of the fans and coolers into this room? It’s pretty much secluded and we can hang a couple tarps from outside on the doorways to help keep the air in? We can play a drinking game? Didn’t you say you had some of your mead with you Thor?” The blonde nodded as the rest of the group looked at you with astonished faces, Bucky coming to grasp your hands in admiration.

“If Rogers here is ever dumb enough to mess things up with you, know that I will make his life a living hell for losing someone so damn smart. Seriously, your amazing brain got a sister or somethin?” You giggled as Steve rolled his eyes at his friend, Sam and Thor leaving to grab the aforementioned tarps from outside.

“Watch it Barnes.” Your pulse lurched as the blonde nearly growled at his best friend, the brunette tossing a cheeky wink over his shoulder at him.

“What you gonna do Punk? Throw me into another wall?”

“SO THAT’S WHY THERE’S A DENT IN MY HALLWAY?!” You burst into laughter as Tony stared at the two men, hands on his hips and looking nothing short of annoyed. Bucky and Steve had the decency to avoid his gaze, muttering ‘sorry’s as the two men returned, making short work of duct taping shut one of the entrances to the room, you giving a thumbs up in approval. It’s like they had read your mind. All of you then returned to your rooms to grab your cooler and fans, well you only replaced the ice in yours. No way were you going to drag your giant chest all the way down the hallway. It had taken all of your strength just to dump out the cold water outside your low window. Yes you could ask one of the men to help you, but if you were being honest you didn’t want them to notice, not when your room was an easy twenty degrees cooler than the rest of the compound. Screw that. They were super heroes, you could have this one thing.

“Alright so what game we playing?” Bruce questioned after you had played “musical furniture” to help block the one doorway to help cease air flow on the one side, fans and coolers surrounding the room in a circular fashion, constantly circulating air in different directions. It was already feeling better by the minute, most of you pulling chairs to avoid sitting on the warm couches and love seats.

“I figured “Never have I ever”? We haven’t played that one since the wedding. We have a few years to make up for.” You shrugged, Tony agreeing with a loud “Hell yea!” that threatened to blow your eardrums out. You all made your drinks from the copious amounts of booze Stark and Pepper had brought from their stash in their suite, making a mental note to ask them about it later. They really should invest in building a bar in this place. Taking a seat next in between Sam and Nat, you smiled at Steve and Bruce across from you. Thor threw himself into a chair next to Bruce and Nat, Pepper was gladly the buffer between Tony and Steve. Bucky finished out the circle on Sam’s left putting him next to Tony. You should have known they’d be sitting next to each other, you were gathering that they were the duo of the group. Not that it bothered you.

“Alright as it is my building I’ll start us off.” Tony jumped on the claim to go first, all of you not even putting up a fight, eager to get to drinking this hot and sticky weekend away. “Never have I ever kissed a man.”

“Low blow honey.” You smiled as Pepper jabbed her husband in the ribs while taking a drink, you and Nat following suit. Everyone’s eyebrows raised to their hairlines as Sam took a drink from his glass.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“We don’t want to know. My turn?” Pepper chuckled, looking at you with a smile. “Never have I ever gotten a speeding ticket.” You drank.

Steve raised an eyebrow at you, you shrugging as he thought of something to say.  “Never have I ever shaved my legs.” The chorus of laughter rang loudly at Tony taking a drink with you ladies.

“Never have I ever had a hangover.” Bruce admitted, you staring at the large man bewildered as to how he could live through one of Tony’s parties.

“Alright, ahem never have I ever flown with the help of a suit.” Thor grinned as the respective men (and Pepper) took drinks from their glasses.

The game continued on, you finding out really fast that no one was wasting time holding back punches, the hours ticked by and before you could comprehend it you were mixing your fifth drink of the evening. The alcohol was making you sway to music that wasn’t being played anywhere but in your head as you crashed back into your chair, Nat leaning herself onto you for support as she took off her shoes. The group was well on their way to being properly sloshed, Tony and Pepper laughing at nothing with Sam and Bucky while Bruce and Thor went to move to the floor. All eyes moved to you as you waved your free hand in the air, trying to stay balanced on your seat.

“Ok my turn! Never have I ever saved the world!” Your words slurred, everyone groaning as you beamed at them, watching Steve finish his third glass of mead and a very pleased looking Thor refilling it without being asked.

“Alright Y/N.” Sam began, you lazily side eyeing him as he smirked. “Never have I ever kissed Steve Rogers.” You stared blankly into his brown eyes, missing Nat sneak a drink from her glass, the mentioned blonde man starting to develop a slight pink tint to his cheeks. “Seriously? I thought for sure you guys would have been playing tonsil hockey by now!”

“No we haven’t.” You said a little too quickly, heat rising to your face. “I would definitely know if we had. I have a feeling that kissing Rogers isn’t something a girl would ever forget.” Your voice was loud and you clapped a hand over your mouth, but the damage had been done. You tried not to look at Steve, his wide smirk making you want to drink yourself into a coma.

“Oh please don’t bring that up. I don’t want that in my head…too late it’s in my head now. Fucking thanks.” Tony wiped his face with exasperation, you snorting as Bucky went on to say he’s never been skinny dipping. You took a drink at that, the guys whooping and hollering and asking for the story of how that happened.

“Highschool. Cheerleaders…dared some of us band geeks to do it during senior day. They stole our clothes while we were in the lake, so we had to call our parents. My mom lectured my ass for two hours when she showed up.” You were in a fit of giggles by the time you finished, Pepper joining in as you fell off your chair and onto the floor, Steve looking concerned for a split second until you erupted into more giggles.

“I think Y/N’s cut off for the night.” Sam mentioned, you bringing your face into a small pout before giving up within a few seconds to giggle again. Your body was buzzing from all of the liquor, and you knew you had to stop before you made a giant idiot out of yourself.

“Shaddup Sam, I’mma be fine.” Yea that was you stopping.

“Never have I ever had sex!” Tony exclaimed, the attention being taken from you to look at the obviously drunk billionaire. “I just wanted to take a drink, I’m totally lying.”

“Ya don’t say?” You cast a knowing look to Pepper that made her duck her head down, taking a rather long draw from whatever concoction Tony had made her.

“Guys…guys it’s…it’s two in the morning. Holy shit. “ Bruce looked at his wrist watch in shock. Time had flown by and though you were having an amazing time, sleep was going to start claiming victims before too much longer. You steadied your wobbly legs as you stood up from the floor, holding onto your vacant chair for dear life as the room started spinning.

“I’m going to go the bathroom.” Steve said rather loudly, jumping up to his feet and downing the contents in his cup before walking out of the room. You smiled drunkenly at all of your friends, giving them a mock salute with the hand that wasn’t still grasping the metal frame of your seat.

“I think that’s my cue to get some sleep. Night all.” You waved, confident you could make it back to your room without any incident as you stepped away from them with ease. It was going great until you managed to trip on a fan cord, thankful Thor had been nearly right behind you and managed to catch you from eating the carpet.

“Let’s get you to the safety of your bed before you hurt yourself.” His deep voice jolted you from slipping into sleep standing up, managing a lopside smile with a short nod. You allowed the god of lightning to walk you carefully to your room, letting him tuck you into your bed and placing your phone on your nightstand, making sure it was plugged into the charger. You reached out to grip one of his massive arms, a warm smile on your lips.

“Thanks….Thor. You’re the…the best.” You mumbled as he patted your head affectionately, you falling asleep as soon as he flipped the light switch.

“Y/N pass out?” Steve asked when the blonde returned to the group, everyone deciding that they would sleep in the living room where all the cool air was.

“Yes she is most certainly asleep. I’d wager she could sleep through an entire alien invasion with how much she’s consumed tonight.” Thor laughed, Steve looking happy to hear you had no trouble slipping off into dream land. “Luckily her room is like an ice box.”

“You gonna go keep her warm Agent Smolder?” Bucky joked. “Am I going to have to stay up and make sure you don’t go and sneak off into her room later?”

“LA LA LA I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!” Tony interrupted Steve’s next words, covering his ears in a poor attempt to shield himself from having to take in the conversation. They watched with amusement as the man shoved one of the couch pillows over his head as he and Pepper got comfortable, Nat taking the loveseat and stretching out.

“Guess that leaves us the floor then huh Buck?” Steve sighed, eyes rolling as Sam loudly began snoring from his passed out position on the last small couch in the room. Bruce had taken the large recliner Tony had built for him, and Thor was slumped against the far wall, slowly drifting off, his stein still half full of mead.

“Looks like it Captain Cutie!”

“When will you stop with those stupid code names?”

“When you finally ask Y/N out. Or make some kind of move! You waiting on the leaves to change colors or something?” The brunette shoved at his friend’s large shoulder before laying down on the ground, reaching to take off his shirt and throw it to the side. “A dame that looks like that will have guys beating down her door once she gets settled. You better not let them get that chance, not when I’ve seen the way she looks at you.”

“Goodnight Bucky.” Steve muttered, turning away from his friend after removing his own shirt and placing it next to the pillow Nat had thrown him.

“Goodnight Stevie.” The brunette cooed, both of them slowly succumbing to tipsy slumber.

~~~~A couple hours later~~~~

Steve’s bloodshot eyes shot open at the inescapably deafening snores that ripped through the living room in the wee hours of the morning. He sat up with a soft moan of discomfort, deciding that he would rather roast alive than have to listen to this for another moment longer. His gaze wandered to the empty loveseat, knowing full well Nat had gotten sick of the blaring assault on her ears as well. He stumbled slightly towards the hallway, remembering his shirt when he entered it. He waved it off and began his trek down the hall. He’d get it in the morning. Coming up to his room he jiggled the handle to find it wouldn’t budge.

“Friday…my door won’t open.” He went to shove at the door, the outcome the same as before.

“Captain Rogers that’s because it’s not….”

“Open my damn door Friday I want some sleep!” The blonde huffed at the AI, jiggling the handle again like a child. He was drunk, tired, and did not have time for this.

“Language Captain. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

The door opened and Steve not too gracefully stumbled in, immediately noticing how much colder it was in his room when it shut. Huh, he was certain he had taken his fan Y/N made him into the living room. Maybe she had made him another one and managed to get it in there earlier in the evening. Yes that had to be it. He could hear it circulating now, the cool breeze floating through the air as he made his way deeper into the darkness.

“Damn!” The curse fell out of his lips as he stubbed his toe on what he was assuming was his dresser, which had magically shrunk in height. Weird. He ran a hand through his hair as he sat on the edge of the bed. It was right where he left it at least, in the middle of the room. His mind wandered to you, how nice you had been to make him another cooling unit for his room. You were so selfless and kind, always helping others before yourself. It was remarkable really. You had lit such a fire within him too, and he had to stop himself multiple times this weekend from doing exactly as Bucky had suggested and shoving you up against the wall and making you forget your own name. He had it bad, but then again he always had. You just weren’t someone he ever thought he deserved before.

Flashback, May 8th 2012

“Well that was a total bust.” Steve’s heart stopped temporarily as he felt you slump into the couch next to him, you taking out pins that were holding up your fancy updo with contempt.

“That bad huh?” He asked, trying to ignore the fire dancing in his veins as your arms brushed against each other in your hastened attempt at tearing your jewelry off.

“All he wanted to talk about was his ex-girlfriend! I left before dessert. I was really looking forward to that stupid cheesecake.” You muttered angrily, running your hands through your hair. The battle of New York had set you on edge, not wanting to be alone the next time the world decided to have a crisis and trying your hand at dating. Steve was silently extremely happy it hadn’t worked out. Mostly because he didn’t want to see you with anyone besides him. Just thinking about…what was his name again…made his blood boil.

“Didn’t he have a weird name?” He allowed his arm to drape behind you on the couch as you scooted closer to him, taking the remote and popcorn from the coffee table and flipping the channel. Steve hadn’t been watching it anyway, the only reason he was even awake was because of you. He hated admitting it, even to himself but the thought of you out having a good time, laughing at some other man’s jokes, or god forbid flirting with him had given the Captain a rather unhealthy case of insomnia leading up to the date. And they had just saved the world from Loki.

“Kelly. From work. This is why I don’t date coworkers.” You sighed with another shake of your head, deciding on Princess Bride that was halfway through its broadcast. His breath hitched as you snuggled into his side, the two of you laughing away your sour mood. He loved your laugh, how musical it was. Actually he didn’t think there was anything he didn’t love about you, even if he hadn’t known you a long time. You had only moved here a few months ago, your parents passing away in a car accident and leaving you extremely lost. Pepper of course took you in, and you got on with Steve like gas on a fire.

“Thanks for being here Rogers. I know you don’t have to be and I’m sure you could use the sleep since you just saved the world and all. I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t mention it Doll. Glad to help. Just don’t wake me up if I fall asleep.” His heart soared as you gave him a bright smile.

“Then don’t snore.”

The two of you fell asleep together on the couch before the end credits played, you cuddling into his side and his arm draped around you.

November 2015

“I swear to god Tony you ever pull a stunt like that again and I will murder you!”

“I was just trying to help!” The brunette man snapped, Steve chuckling from the dining room table as he watched you and Pepper try to wave away the giant mushroom cloud that was emitting from the stove. The smoke detectors blared viciously as Thanksgiving was proving to be a disaster at the Tower. It hadn’t been too long ago since they had defeated Ultron, the team deciding that they would try to have a giant Thanksgiving day meal to reconnect with each other. Truth be told he had been looking forward to seeing you the most, your new article writing job taking up most of your time as of late. He didn’t mind, he was super happy for you pursuing your dreams. Your bubbly personality made you tons of friends in college, and people weren’t wrong to love you at your new job too.

“THEN STAY OUT OF THE DAMN KITCHEN!” Both of you yelled in union, pushing the older man out of the room and into the dining area, Steve shaking his head as Tony attempted to look hurt. He didn’t take long to snap out of it, helping the Captain with setting the table. Sam and Nat were soon to enter, each carrying a dish of some sort. Clint had chosen to stay with his own family for the holidays, and after everyone had met them, the blonde avenger could understand why. He wished he would one day have a family like that, especially after seeing Peggy again. You of course were being super wonderful about the whole situation, offering to get coffee with him after he would see her, just to listen to him talk about a woman who wasn’t you. You always felt just a bit jealous at how his face would light up as he recalled one of her good days, and how much it hurt to see him after one of her bad days. You couldn’t pinpoint why you felt that way, you just did. You and Steve had only grown closer as the years had gone by, but it had become pretty clear to you that he only saw you as a friend.

Friends always responded to your S.O.S texts about Tony like he did. Even now as you entered the dining area carrying the only slightly scorched turkey to the table, he was the perfect friend and immediately reached to help you. He followed that movement with pulling out a chair next to him for you and passing you a glass of your favorite white wine that not even Tony or Pepper had remembered to grab. Friends do that.

“This looks amazing Doll, you and Pepper always knock it out of the park. I’ve missed you.” You flashed him a prideful smile as he set his large hand over yours, giving it a slight squeeze. “Missed seeing that smile too.”

Yeah. Friends.

2016

Peggy Carter’s funeral had been over for nearly two hours by the time Steve finally took a moment to check his phone. His eyes were burning from the tears that had fallen during the course of the day, and for once he wasn’t sorry that he had ignored everyone’s attempts at getting a hold of him. That was, until he saw he had a text message from you. Navigating the notification window on his phone with shaking hands he brought up the communication window, pressing the download button on your conversation bubble and waiting for it to load. He was always amazed at how fast modern technology was, the large sum of words popping up within a small fraction of time, his eyes squinting slightly through the pain and reading what you had sent.

“Hey Cap. I know I can’t be there today with you, and I want you to know how much that is killing me. Nat and Tony have filled me in with everything going on, and I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. About everything.” Steve scoffed at you mentioning Stark, the terms of which he and the other avenger had left things a few days ago were less than friendly. This entire accords situation was absurd, at least in his eyes, and he couldn’t wait for your cousin in law to get his head out of his ass. He wasn’t so sure that would ever happen though.“I know you will never ask me to pick a side, and Snark has been smart enough not to ask either. I don’t know all of the details but I do know neither of you can ask me to choose one of you over the other. Not that you would. You’re one of the best people in my life, and I’ll personally be super happy when all of this blows over and I can see you again. Tony pretty much has me under lock and key here, even Pepper is getting sick of it. In case things go sideways, which it’s looking pretty damn likely with my dumb ass cousin involved, please know that I’m here should you need me. I’m and phone call away and you know where I live. If I’m not there you know about the gnome. Anytime. No questions asked. Stay safe for me Steve, Y/N” He would never take you up on that offer, things turning from bad to worse really quick for The Avengers. He never did get to tell you how sorry he was for not responding to your text, or tell you how much it meant to him.

2020

The room was noisy and filled with happy drunk people celebrating the union of Pepper and Tony Stark. You stood in your simple light blue dress, looking on at the simple affair with thankful eyes. They had gotten lucky with the Decimation, still managing to have each other after everything. Your heart ached for Clint and Steve, knowing they had lost the ones who mattered most to them, and you were exceptionally thankful you still had your cousin, well now cousins.

You hadn’t seen much of Steve since the snap, and had heard from him even less. Not that you held that over him, you knew him and Tony still weren’t on good terms, and you couldn’t blame him for staying away. Still, you had wished you would have gotten to see him before you left.

“Hey Short Stack look who made it!” You moved to look at Tony, who was holding a very stunning Natasha in his arms, your smile reaching your eyes as you went to hug her tightly. Most of the team had gone their separate ways when they failed to defeat Thanos, so you were more than elated to see your other favorite red head on your last night in town.

“Heya Nat! I’m so glad you could be here!”

“Of course Y/N. I wouldn’t miss your send off, and the free drinks. Congrats you two.” You laughed as she wasted no time taking a champagne flute off of a passing tray, taking a long sip and linking arms with you as the newlyweds were dragged away again. “Have you heard from Rogers?”

“No, should I have?” Your eyes narrowed in question while Natasha shook her head in annoyance.

“That man. I told him to reach out before you left us. I literally just told him today when I saw him at the meeting! I know he really does miss you Y/N.”

“He has a funny way of showing it Nat. Don’t sweat it, you tried.” Patting your friend on the shoulder you took your phone out of your clutch, seeing Kate had texted you to remind you about the drink plans you had made for tomorrow on the way to the airport before you caught your flight to London. Nothing from Steve. “How about a picture? You look amazing and I need some more photos on this new phone to keep me company while I’m gone!” She agreed and you quickly flipped your camera app open, capturing a few last moments with your friends and family. The rest of the night was a blur as you danced and drank, looking forward to whatever your future would bring.

The next day at the airport was hard. You were thankful you hadn’t worn an ounce of makeup, crying easily as Kate, Tony, Pepper, and Nat all said their goodbyes to you. You had watched them pull away from the drop off curb with blurred vision, your heart breaking at the acknowledgment that you were really leaving. Off to help various countries with varying charities. It was the least you could do during this awful time in the world.

“Y/N!” You turned your head slowly, your breath being sucked out of you as you recognized the familiar head of blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes moving for you in the crowd. You hoisted your backpack higher onto your shoulder, nerves getting better at you as you tried to offer a small smile. You hadn’t seen him in months and he still managed to have this effect on you. Willing yourself to pull yourself together you bit back a laugh as he almost looked winded, reaching your standing figure with slightly labored breathing. “I had to see off my best girl.”

“Please. I haven’t been your best girl in years Steve. But I appreciate it all the same.” You smiled, your heart breaking as he looked down at the pavement shyly.

“Listen about that…”

You were quick to cut him off, “Don’t worry about it Cap. You did what you had to do, and you’ve been through a lot over the years. No hard feelings.” Your voice was flat, and he grimaced at the tone of indifference. He was literally screaming at himself, internally demanding that he just man up and kiss you. Tell you how sorry he was for everything, how you were, are still the most amazing person in his life and how he wants to start over. Beg for your forgiveness and promise to take care of you. Anything to stop you from getting on that plane and disappearing from his life for who knows how long. “I should get going, customs is going to be a drag.”

“Right. Well have a good flight. Don’t stay away too long.” He’d kick himself for the rest of his days, seeing you give him one of your giant smiles, although he could tell you didn’t fully mean it, and step towards him to initiate an awkward hug. It felt rushed and forced, but he would be lying if he hadn’t wanted it to last longer than a few seconds, missing the way your body would just melt into his just like they did in days of old.

“I’ll miss you most of all.” His ears perked up at your small admission, the sentence being no louder than a careful whisper, watching you blink back tears and grip onto the shoulder of your bag tightly. He’d miss you more, knowing full well part of his heart was getting on that plane with you. But he said nothing, just smiled and gave a small wave to your retreating figure, watching you until you were completely out of his line of sight. You hadn’t looked back once, but the tears that clung to the corners of his eyes made him partially glad you hadn’t.

~~~Now~~~

The memories faded and Steve wiped at his eyes sleepily, the mead Thor had given him proving more potent than he had remembered, his body falling hard onto the side of the bed. It had made a noise that had almost sounded like a sigh, the man shaking his head in drunken disbelief. How crazy would that be? A bed can’t sound like a person. He stayed on his side, staring into the darkness as it began to swallow him.

The last thing that went through his mind before he fell asleep was how much his pillow smelled like you.

Tag List: @kaytizzle @cuffski @giggleberts @pies-wands-and-more @chrisevansfanfic @yesno18 @zsuzstyina @zombiepotterfour @evanstush

[saltine-kakyoin]

ok i CANNOT take it anymore I simply MUST know. spill the beans on the Star Catinum scene please 🙏🏼🙏🏼💝💝💝🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 I have been wondering for SO LONG and I am SO CURIOUS

OKAY SO BEFORE I GET INTO THIS, LEMME PROVIDE SOME EXPOSITION! :3 the Star Catinum Scene was heavily inspired by the one fan art of splat w the BIG dinner plate eyes, the one where’s he’s like owo and then O W O. it reminded me of a cat! and then i thought of this one post i saw ages ago about how much it’d suck if catra’s eyes went all big + dilated in the middle of one of her fights with adora, and then... the dots connected and, to quote my main man kronk, it was all coming together now :3 another big part of this is the adventure i had w coffee in ny, which we’ve talked about here in there in chat! w that said, lemme dive right in!! this might get long, so i’m gonna put it into a readmore just in case!

sO. the star catinum scene is from the sda, which means kak is roomies w camille in paris while jotaro is grappling w friend/family withdrawal in florida! Jotaro travels + visits everyone when he can, bc he is just. Mad lonely in florida. he might grump about all of the crusaders, but he really do be lovin + missing them, you know? On Kak and Camille’s end, this is normally fine! however, the visit that takes place in the star catinum scene is like. towards the later end of the semester for Kak, and inconveniently RIGHT in the middle of one of his final projects for the semester. So! Instead of trying to juggle the project + jotaro, he decides, fuck it! I’m gonna go crazy go stupid and finish it in advance so I can devote all of my attention to jotaro + what he’s been up to when he arrives. :)

nonetheless, jotaro’s visit sneaks up on him, in the way that these kinds of situations do, and he really becomes unhinged that week! He’s gone, painting for nights on end, leading up to Jotaro’s arrival + distressingly, he’s still not done the day/night before jotaro’s set to arrive! Kakyoin is normally a pretty levelheaded and rational guy, but all pretense has jumped out the window. he just Needs to finish this project at this point. SO. that night right before jotaro flies in, Kak stops by the cafe right underneath his and Camille’s apartment that’s run by a turkish and indian couple, and orders two large cups of their most intense brew. With his project and his coffee in hand, he sets off for a parisian rooftop to finish what he started, chugging the first cup as he goes. The first cup is nice, and really gets him going and in the mode! however, he gets so hyperfocused on the painting that he forgets there’s a second cup- at least, until he almost trips on it hours later! And then he’s like. Oh. Oh GOD. there’s a second cup! full of coffee! what do? The small voice of reason that’s been dwindling throughout this week is like: noriaki....whatever you Do, do NOT drink that cup. just let it go. toss it. But another, louder part of him is like: but you are getting kind of sleepy tho.. and are you done with your project yet? No? Then why waste the money by throwing the cup away? Just drink it dude...

So, he drinks it! which is fine and dandy for all of five minutes, until the caffeine REALLY begins kicking and oh, oh god. he should Not have had the second cup of coffee...Filled with regret and too much energy to handle, he feverishly finishes up the painting, slowly losing a grip on reality with each stroke! it almost feels like his body is trying to exorcise itself, which he can’t really blame it for. almost drunkenly, he stumbles back to his and camille’s apartment- thank god for hierophant catching his missteps and making sure the painting isn’t tarnished on the journey! He stumbles back into the apartment, which is pretty dark beyond the light peeking out from camille’s bedroom + the flickering glow of the flames from her new candles. she steps out of her room when she hears he’s finally home, and ooh. Kakyoin may be lost in the caffeine sauce, but he can almost Feel the concern radiating from Camille’s person. she barrages him with a bunch of questions, seemingly all at once. wherewereyou? are you okay? isitfinished? whendidyoulastsleep? Most importantly, are you going to be well enough to get pick Jotaro up from the train station in a few hours? 

Kakyoin waves these questions off as his body plummets into the wonderfully plump cushions of their sofa- painting,i’mfine,yes,idon’tknow, and Yes. just let me close my eyes for a moment...i’ll be fine just wake me up when it’s time to get jotaro. And then, he slips into a deep deep slumber. 

 (i’ve gotta get ready for work soon, so i’m gonna copypasta the rest from my explanation of it to jules!! which is grand bc i feel that explanation captures the fever dream quality of it much better than i am here!)

Camille watcches him melt into the couch + basically enter a coma with mounting anxiety. Normally Jotaro calls when he's arrived at the train station from the airport, and despite the early hour she doesn't really expect this time to be any different. However, it's normally Always Kakyoin that goes to get him. and then they go out for lunch, or dinner, or breakfast. or just a random snack run at the oddest hours of the day. Normally Camille hardly interacts with Jotaro, and she’s used to their interactions always falling flat.. she doesn't know why. Kakyoin assures her that that's just how Jotaro is: quiet, expressive in his own ways. but it gnaws at camille

So anyhow, she waits for Jotaro to call with Dread, because the situation can go one of two ways: kakyoin emerges from his like 2 hour nap after not sleeping for at least a day or two, and the entire visit is off because Kakyoin himself is off skelter. Or, she answers the phone and gets jotaro from the train station Herself + maybe makes him dislike her even more! both options make her stomach drop, and she can't stop her eyes from constantly drifting over to kakyoin, who looks a little too still, a little too cold, a lot of too worn out. She grabs her nicest, most comfortable blanket and throws it over him.. maybe it'll help him sleep better, and hopefully it'll help ease her mind

she does some meditation until jotaro Finally FINALLY calls. Kakyoin is the lightest sleeper known to man for reasons that Camille is unable to understand, so she leaps on their telephone. jotaro's voice is something that strikes fear in her, and having his voice right up in her ear at like 3 am is the least ideal thing ever. it throws all of her meditation out the window, and the harebrained anxiety is Back.

hurriedly, she tells jotaro that they'll be over to pick him up soon! and she can't help but notice the deflated, "Oh." she gets back in response, which baffles her even further. (jules said that was bc he was just waking up from his own personal red-eye flight fever dream nap, and I cannot agree more!) Sure, it's normally always kakyoin that gets jotaro, but what's so wrong with her tagging along? It's not a far walk from their apartment to the train station- what if she just wanted to get out of the house? anyhow, the thought only serves to make camille more nervous.

she decides right after hanging up that No. She is Not going to wake kakyoin up for this- he really needs the sleep, jotaro be damned. it's not like they're going to get up to anything at this hour anyways. She shimmies into her outerwear + yeehaws over to the gare du nord, where she finds jotaro pretty quickly (he’s so tall!). he's like, "Oh- you. Where's Kakyoin?" and she spitballs the entire thing to him because Camille is just a motormouth when her nerves are high

Camille is expecting Jotaro to be miffed, just a little bit, but surprisingly, he's pretty chill about the whole thing. He's grateful to Camille for coming to get him, because otherwise he'd get hopelessly lost in the maze of the city. This is where Camille begins to realize, hm.. perhaps she was too harsh of a judge..mayhaps.. jotaro really is just Like That, as kakyoin has said at least six times before.. what a concept.

They start walking back to the apartment, and Jotaro's mostly concerned about Kakyoin and why the dude's currently comatose on their couch. Camille just keeps rambling and maybe giving out more information than she should, but Camille is just like Polnareff in that regard. she doesn't notice his gaze soften at their similarity, or at the concept that kakyoin would work himself raw just to make time for jotaro's visit... (which Kakyoin shouldn't have to, not for his sake! but the concept pokes at the small beast in jotaro that fancies kakyoin, which.. ugh. that's an entire thing for him to wrestle with.)

so they make it back to the apartment, and camille urges him to be really quiet as they enter- 'did you know, kakyoin's a super light sleeper? i stubbed my toe and cursed once and it woke him up! it's a little odd, i wonder why he's like that.' but jotaro knows. he learned why early sometime in their third year, an admittance uttered in the pitch black of the ocean at an ungodly hour. death 13, a stand he never met, or at least one that he doesn't remember meeting? and yet one that had such a profound impact on kakyoin. in the present, he puts more thought into his footsteps as they cross the threshold between the apartment commons and kakyoin and camille's apartment.

And oh, there he is. buried under a heaping white blanket, with only the left side of his face poking out. jotaro grins ever so slightly, looking at the noodle strayed madly across the side of his head that jotaro can see- how intensely had kakyoin flung himself at the couch? he feels like his eyes rest on kakyoin a moment too long, and maybe camille feels it too. or maybe her mind is just buffering- kakyoin had said she was squirrel-minded sometimes. as if her brain were leaping from one thing to another at such incredible speeds that she herself struggled to keep up with it

camille whispers so lightly that jotaro almost doesn't hear her. but once he does catch on to what she is saying, something takes hold of his heart and tries to drag it under. She's afraid to wake Kakyoin up and ask him to move because he really needs the sleep, but that means jotaro's pick for bed is either her bed (sized for one petite camille and therefore most Definitely not fit for one giant Jotaro) or kakyoin's (which is better suited for jotaro's height but also DANGEROUS)

he feels her eyes upon him like a searing iron on flesh. camille means well, and camille has No Idea what feelings he has- he knows she doesn't think anything of his silence, his deliberation...but god. in this tiny apartment lit only by candlelight, it sure feels like she's peering into his soul and judging him. nonetheless, he ends up choosing kakyoin's bed. his flight was long, and camille's bed is just. not cut out for him! that, and it'sonlyonenightit'sonlyonenightit'sonlyonenight. once kakyoin is up tomorrow.. or whenever he's up......he and jotaro can just switch beds and there'll be no problems. this is what jotaro tells himself, but his mind still runs rampant as he lies in kakyoin's bed. thisiskakyoin'sbed. this is where kakyoin sleeps Every Single Night. this is where kakyoin would be sleeping Right Now if he hadn't run himself ragged in preparation for your visit. he did that for youforyouforyou! but also.. he should not have done that for you- you always have this effect. it's an endless cycle all night long- jotaro is thankful when the exhaustion from the airport finally shuts his brain up

needless to say, jotaro feels like shit when he wakes up. camille feels like shit when she wakes up. nobody had a good night except for kakyoin, and that's only if you count out his feverish journey back to the apartment as his body tried to violently keep itself from tearing apart at the seams due to drinking Way Too Much strong coffee. camille's already up when jotaro clambers out of kakyoin's room, starting the pot for the morning. she takes one look at him and empathizes, asks how he takes his coffee. they chat quietly as it brews- camille tells him that the only person she thinks got a good night's sleep is kakyoin, who is still out of it. bemused, she tells jotaro how she misjudged where the counter was earlier and accidentally ended up slamming her mug on it, which she was SURE was going to wake up kakyoin. but behold... the beast still slumbers!

this is a really pivotal moment for jotaro and camille's friendship, this quiet morning talk. they don't talk about anything in particular, just whatever floats into camille's mind. they're both too tired to really care about any preconceived notions they had about the other, which is how they both learn that they had horribly misjudged the other. huh, would you look at that!

at some point as they're chatting, star platinum peels away from jotaro to go check on kakyoin, which used to happen often, especially back in tibet. this would annoy jotaro any other time- he very distinctly remembers kakyoin harshly telling him i'mfinei'mfinei'mfine, i'm not going to break or anything. but star (and thus, by extension, jotaro..) has always been the type to Need to check. star has always been a bit more anxious about kakyoin after dio, which jotaro really thinks is pretty fair. seeing your best friend getting rolled into a helicopter with a giant gaping hole in his abdomen will do that to you!

but anyhow. star peels away from jotaro to check on kakyoin, and jotaro allows it. he is concerned about kakyoin- although jotaro's guilty of it, too, it's no good to be staying up for that long and knocking yourself straight out with old coffee. he keeps chatting with camille through all of this- star platinum is up to Risky Business, but camille can't see him. jotaro's fine

(except camille CAN see him and she's too petrified to say anything about it lmao)

so while he and camille keep chatting, star platinum hovers over to kakyoin, and really takes the dude in. admittedly, kakyoin looks worse for wear. his skin has an odd pallor to it that makes jotaro feel a little queasy, and the bags under kakyoin's eyes don't go unnoticed either. his brow is deeply furrowed, and absently jotaro wonders what's plaguing kakyoin in his sleep. it's always been like this, since death 13. since the coma. he wants to smooth kakyoin's brow out, to run his thumb along it. but that's dangerous.

instead, star acts on instinct and reaches out to push The Noodle, the damnable beast, out of his face. star moves slowly- he doesn't want to wake kakyoin up, after all. it was just in the way. Of Kakyoin, that is. Not Jotaro looking at his face. Never that.

however, jotaro gets caught up in the thought, and in the implication of the thought, and star's finger brushes against kakyoin's ear way more than he had intended to (read: he hadn't intended to!! *cue internal screaming*), and oh. god. oh god. kakyoin's index finger fidgets, and then his eyebrows relax. has jotaro fucked up. oh god. if he woke up kakyoin he might just chuck himself out the window and into the traffic below them

as jotaro's thinking this, star platinum, the fucking beast, remains firmly planted in front of kakyoin. despite all the sirens going off in jotaro's mind, it stays there. most times, he feels like star platinum and he are pretty well in sync. but sometimes, he wonders if star platinum has a will of its own- is it Really just jotaro floating around in there? he wondered this at the very beginning, in that jail cell, and he begrudingly wonders about it now. getbackinhererightnow, and Yet! star platinum remains, taking in kakyoin with wide eyes. beside him, camille takes a very long sip of her coffee.

kakyoin wakes up slowly, as if sleep is not yet done with him. when he finally does manage to crack open his eyes, he blinks once, twice. slowly. why is it so bright. why is it so Purple? once his brain finally rejoins the land of the living, he is able to discern what the purple nebula before him is- it's star platinum? looking at him with eyes the size of dinner plates? his mouth utters the stand's name before he can quite process what's going on, but the second he does, splat is gone. faintly, he hears a choke from across the room, and that's what finally wakes him up. his gaze is drawn over to his and camille's kitchen, where camille is very pointedly digging around in their fridge. but next to her is the hulking jotaro kujo, choking on what kakyoin... judging by scent alone, guesses is coffee.

the scent triggers something in kakyoin’s mind, and then it all hits him like a train- overwhelming and all at once. oh dear god, he slept for far too long. he missed jotaro's arrival completely! and now jotaro is here choking on coffee in their kitchen. Jotaro is here!! and kakyoin was only just now waking up, disgustingly sweaty, under a mountainous blanket- camille's? oh dear god. what a nightmare!

in any other circumstance kakyoin would go to hug jotaro or shake his hand, but this. this was not it. his breath smelled like coffee that was much too old and God, he was so hot! he felt like his clothes had been glued to his skin. he yells out some sort of greeting, some acknowledgement that hey!! it's jotaro! but the words are jumbled and a pretty pitiful mix of english, japanese, and french. and then he vaults over the couch and into his room, WHERE! Jotaro's suitcase is?????? he trips on it, yells out some sort of profanity, grabs some clothes, and proceeds to promptly lock himself in the shower for at least fifteen minutes.

in these fifteen minutes, it's just intense kill bill sirens on all ends. kakyoin's like FUCK MAN I MISSED PICKING UP JOTARO, I CAN'T BELIEVE I SLEPT THROUGH ALL THAT! AND WHY WAS STAR LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? AHHHH; jotaro is just. lost in the sauce. star platinum you fucking bastard you should have withdrawn much earlier! that was too close! and camille. camille just hyperfocuses on achieving the perfect blend of coffee and creamer for her second cup while pretending she did NOT just witness whatever that super tender super intimate scene was. just smile and wave camille, smile and wave and nobody will ever know you saw a thing....

they collectively pretend to agree nothing happened when kakyoin gets out of the shower. jotaro, needing something to do with his hands before his body implodes, makes kakyoin some calming drink- something his father no doubt made often during busy tours. their fingers brush when he passes the cup to kakyoin, but you know what? we are NOT going to think about it. kakyoin nurses the cup gingerly, and camille, the saint that she is, bubbles up an entirely new conversation.

and that's basically it! jotaro falls deeper down the rabbit hole, kakyoin becomes Confused, and camille begins taking notes on the Hopeless Case of One (1) Kujo Jotaro lol

[chaykhalazza]

Slow by Brooke McAlarry

~ We are hyperconnected and utterly disconnected at the same time. ~ If I were to tell the story in its entirety, it would be long, drawn out, ugly, messy, and frustrating, and you'd likely be convinced the protagonist was an idiot. ~ Not enough of my time and energy was spent in play, presence, bravery, compassion, adventure, acceptance, creativity or love. ~ In the worst days of my depression and anxiety, I would snap regularly. There was a constant, low-grade whining in my head, and over time it would ramp up. Every unexpected guest, every burnt dinner, every missed nap time--that whining grew louder until it was a shrieking panic inside my brain. Then something minor would happen--an innocuous comment or Ben getting home late from work--and I would simply snap. I'd cry and rage and convince myself that an adult tantrum was OK in this instance, because everything was just so bloody hard. /I had no margin. No room for change or flux. Mentally, I was operating beyond capacity, and when something happened that threw me, even a little, I had no room to expand. There was no buffer to help me cope, so I blew up. /There is no doubt that mindfulness helped me create that buffer. And when I recently looked back and realized I hadn't had a brain snap for years, it was both a shock and a relief. Living like that was exhausting. /My friend Bele talks about the mind being a spong, made up of myriad tiny holes and gaps that fill up throughout the day. Work, friends, family, health, politics, news headlines, and social media updates fill these holes until the sponge is soaked through. And a soaking wet sponge is completely useless at mopping up spills, because it's already too full. What mindfulness does is give that sponge a gentle squeeze, releasing some of the excess and making space again, making the sponge effective once more. ~ There are legitimate reasons to feel bereft in life, to feel bitter and disappointment, sadness, grief, or inconvenience. ~ I drank tea and stayed up late as I fell in love with a world that wasn't mine. The pain wasn't mine. ~ Balance is finding the correct weight for every area of life and understanding that the correctness of that weight will change over time. Balance is fluid and flexible. Balance is alive and aware. Balance is intention. ~ By slowly strengthening up your core, building it up with the things that are truly important, you will gradually become better at achieving wobbly balance. Your core will hold you in good stead as things shift and change, and you won't need to find that perfect, upright, constantly stressed and off balance. Instead, you'll have a flexibility and a fluidity to your days that allow for efficiency, compassion, productivity, and satisfaction, as well as a long-term balance that leaves  you more content than any strained vision of work/life balance ever could.

[moddeydhoo]

Differences between my two yas queens

(RP stuff)

Main difference:

Izuru is in the process of manifesting a full Ultimate Hope talent.

Zuzu is sliding slowly into despair.

Living conditions:

Izuru: independent, living with boyfriend, plans underway to cut all ties with HPA.  His talents and his time are his own.  Saving the world.  A few remaining psychological issues.  Don’t touch his lower back.

Zuzu: very much under the thumb of the Steering Committee, working non-stop for them.  They hire out his talents to the very rich; he does a lot of varied work, almost all of it stuff that he can do from his room.  Zuzu ‘earned’, through obedience, the right to live in the main course dorm without surveillance.  Naturally, this is held over his head as something that will be taken away if he becomes difficult.

Basic needs:

Both: Six hours’ reasonable-quality sleep per night, brain-fuel food.

Izuru: Policed by boyfriend, otherwise he’d be a disaster.  Given to all-nighters (mostly within reason), and forgetting to eat, and turning off the reminders his boyfriend sets him to prompt him to eat.

Zuzu: Makes serious attempts to work 24/7 and subsist on energy drinks and gross chalky-textured protein bars.  Is under unbelievable pressure.  Friends try to make him care for himself.  He grudgingly complies when mentally ok, actively resists when mentally bad.  He doesn’t sleep well unless he’s wearing his ear protectors.

Senses:

Both same, but Zuzu’s constantly high stress means his super-hearing bothers him much more.  Neither can self-regulate to avoid sensory overload when they’re stressed, but Izuru has the advantage of being able to hug something fluffy to calm himself whenever he likes.

Self-esteem:

Izuru: calls other people “real people” as an example of his dry humour.

Zuzu: calls other people “real people” because he is a soulless artificial object who doesn’t deserve to be considered a person.  Highly negative self-talk all the time.  Most hurtful thing you can call him: “faulty”.  Calls himself that frequently.

Stims:

Izuru: fluff.  Vocal stims but less prominent than Zuzu’s.  Likes G-forces.  Weight of his hair is a comfort factor and why he leaves it long.  Overall stress-stims less, has more safety valves, understands own needs much better, and has a determined boyfriend-buffer between him and stressful things.

Zuzu: carbonated drinks (energy drinks, which he loathes, and to which he’s addicted).  Lots of vocal stimming.  Hearing his own voice serves to remind himself that he exists.  (Mostly: minicking little sounds, like animal calls and jingly bells.  Also sings on rooftops sometimes.)  Spins in spinny chairs.  Also likes his hair long.  Does things like digging nails into palms to offset mental pain, but no dangerous/harmful stims.

Sense of humour:

Izuru: Dry as a bone, but quite developed.  No puns.  Says weird things for effect.  (Once chose to introduce himself to people by saying “Don’t worry; the blood isn’t ours” on the basis that a lasting first impression is important.)  Pranks people who deserve it.

Zuzu: Puns with intent to dismay.  Less developed humour, distinctly darker (referred to Makoto’s favourite bell as more important than Fuyuhiko’s life).  Has performed a LOT of pranks, but he was under some serious mental influence at the time and there’s unlikely to be a repeat.  Chiaki teaches him memes and he occasionally inflicts them on others.

Romance:

Both: Asexual, either homo- or pan-romantic.

Izuru: Happy!  Big ol’ romantic on his own behalf and others’.  These are his views on love.  Indifferent to sex; it’s just a means to make boyfriend happy.

Zuzu: Repressed.  Never likely to be horny on main for anyone.  Not actually miserable in this regard, and is a big romantic on other people’s behalf.  But attack him in his denial with regard to having feelings for a certain someone, and he’ll get scared and defensive and self-hatey.  Give him a break, guys; he doesn’t want to get dragged in for further brainwashing...

Speech patterns:

Izuru: Formal and nerdy, but fluent and uses contractions.  Sometimes chuckles quietly.

Zuzu: Contractions much more rare.  More stilted in general.  “Mm” when uncomfortable, caught out in something, or doesn’t know what to say.  Unable to say certain things, can’t help himself saying certain other things, both stemming from conditioning.  Laugh is very quiet and awkward; always tries to suppress it.

Both: Try to talk to other people on their own terms.  Talking to Byakuya?  Brisk, businesslike, logical.  Talking to an AI?  Explain things using software analogies.  Talking to Chiaki?  Drop the normie act and get into dat sweet sweet autistic nerdytimes.  Talking to Gundham?  Exchange bird calls, confusing everyone else.

Emotions:

Izuru: making leaps forward with these.  Patient boyfriend helps a lot.  He knows his feelings will always be muted, but valid still.

Zuzu: he knows he has them, but he will absolutely deny it.  He’s afraid of the topic.  Very simplistic, even childish vocabulary sometimes; things or people are “good” or “nice”.  If he says you’re good, he cares about you a lot.  If he says you're nice, it may actually be a criticism.

Special interests:

Izuru: talent, memetics, fluff and fluffiness, animals, space, his boyfriend, machines to some extent.

Zuzu: talent, and a developing interest in despair and killing games.

Views on talent:

Both the same.  Zuzu can’t express it as easily because programming.

Both see Ultimates as a talent in a person suit and sometimes forget to pay attention to surface appearances.  Both describe talents in... eccentric terms. (Ultimate Imposter "taste[s] like salt and vanilla, sound[s] like china cymbals, look[s] like an opal, feel[s] like [those metal pin-art toys] and none of that does it justice".)

Talents:

Izuru: Ultimate Hope blooming.  Oligarchs, tyrants and animal abusers are living on borrowed time.  Better than Zuzu at talents requiring empathy and understanding, though neurotypical Ultimates would still be better than Izuru is.  Technically probably has Ultimate Despair talent but isn’t even trying.

Zuzu: Ultimate Hope unmanifested, inaccessible (can’t interact with any plot points requiring a hope talent).  This won’t change without serious intervention or some event on the scale of the one that activated Makoto’s, etc.  Would be able to access Ultimate Despair talent with some coaching.  Unable to use Ultimate Imposter fully because of intense anxiety over identity, but can and does use it to mimic sounds.  Don’t bring up Ultimate Escort to him, please.  He has enough anxiety.

[spockandawe]

Top 5 reasons you like Windblade and Top 5 reasons you like Windscream (maybe Top 5 Transformers Pitch ship if you like but if not it ok)

OOOOH, all excellent questions!!!

Top 5 reasons I like Windblade

She doesn’t have the war background to give her societal context, just like Tailgate and Nautica don’t, but she’s so fascinating, because she’s put herself right in the middle of a political minefield

AND she went into this hornet’s nest (and stayed there, almost completely alone) because she thought it was the right thing to do

Plus oh my goodness the whole thing with not wanting to depose Starscream and trying to work with him, even while disagreeing him on a philosophical level? And even while he’s being… Starscream? It’s so rare to see a character in here who willingly dives into that kind of compromise instead of having to be fenced into it, and her doing this with Starscream despite how difficult he makes it, just. I love her so much.

Ahhhhh, that balance of idealism (and the sort of construction-focused ambition that goes with her flavor of idealism) against the way people keep trying to tie her down or cage her, and how she manages to hold onto her ideals even while the world is beating on her. I’d say ‘that moment in TAAO 12′, but… everything in TAAO 12. From saving Starscream to helping forge him fresh to what she says to vigilem about the spark burning away ‘everything that isn’t true’ (that’s so conditional, I choose to believe he isn’t 100% gone. brain ghost titans are too good to waste).

And she’s so good. She’s so persistently kind and sweet, and she’s so naturally caring, but without it devolving into any sort of boring caretaker stereotype. She’s just so good-hearted and I adore her. I don’t know if I could dislike her.

(frivolous sixth reason: she is gorgeous)

Top 5 reasons I like windscream

Let’s lead off with that frivolous sixth reason this time: they are two gorgeous mechs who look gorgeous together, and even have complementary color schemes. It’s meant to be (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) Also, FEMDOM.

Then, let’s see. The way they disagree very strongly on like… the fundamentals of how to approach a task. Politics is the easy one, but tbh… almost any task. They often share end goals, but so much about them is so incredibly different, and it makes for an electric dynamic. They constantly disagree, but they orbit each other so naturally. I write mostly Windblade POV, but they’ve both got this massive undercurrent of fascination with the other one that neither of them wants to admit to themselves or out loud (windblade’s a little more willing, just because she doesn’t see attachment as a vulnerability the way starscream does).

She’s so young and innocent and inexperienced (even though she’s gaining experience very quickly), and he’s older than the war and incredibly cynical/paranoid/burned out. Neither of those positions are sustainable. But if it makes sense, like… it’s hard to see the weak spots in your OWN position, it’s easier to see them for other people. They’re perfect complements for each other, once they manage to actually listen. In a political sense, but also on a more personal, emotional level.

She doesn’t have that war background that most of the cast has. So many people have so many reasons not to trust/like Starscream. Which is, y’know. Justified. From both sides. And even if he’s genuinely trying to build something of himself PAST the war now, there are really not many people who will give him a fair shake. Windblade isn’t totally ignorant of his history or anything, I’m sure, but not living it herself makes it a little easier to look at Starscream and trust him to not be that same person with those same priorities.

They are both so petty and ridiculous when they’re annoyed, oh my goodness. I don’t know what it is, but these two, just. It flows so naturally. They’re both competent adults doing difficult jobs and doing them pretty well, but stick them together and they’re acting about as mature as middle schoolers trying to provoke each other. It’s fun on its own, but it feels even nicer because 1) Starscream isn’t having his sharp edges filed off, but 2) having all the sharp edges be pointed in this ridiculous, petty direction takes so much genuine venom out of the thing, and makes some space for him to Do An Emotion (and to get somewhere without shooting himself twenty million times in the foot) (nobody does self-sabotage like starscream)

But then, that goodness I mentioned for Windblade up above? If I balance them right, she doesn’t take unjustified shit from him. She works loyally with him as a team, while also arguing the points she disagrees with. She feels lots of sympathy for what she can see of his current emotional state and the bits and pieces of what she gradually learns about his megatron-specific past. But she can do that without turning him into some broken bird she wants to heal. She’s going to be all bristly and protective over anyone who poses a threat, and she’ll try to prod him into eating more or going out for a flight, but she’s not going to flutter and simper over him either. And Starscream has someone who isn’t afraid to fite him, but doesn’t want to do him harm either, and who isn’t drastically changing their everything out of ~pity~ for him. It means a lot to him (secretly) that someone would ever EVER put themself in harm’s way to protect him, but oh my god you idiot you are a baby and have never been in a real fight, YOU get behind ME. The push-pull between them, I just… it makes me sigh the happiest sigh ever

And my top 5 pitch transformers ships! Oh man, this is going to be interesting to break out, because I don’t usually mentally filter on quadrant, I filter on character, or d/s dynamics maybe, trying to pick out all the pitch bits out of the mess is going to be a challenge.

Windblade/Starscream is a gimme after all that up above, so that doesn’t count for the list :P

Drift/Ratchet. I adore these two, and I really really really love the way they went from tense and sometimes hostile to the emotional support they’ve got now. But it doesn’t feel them if Drift isn’t teasing or prodding him. Vulnerability is good, but it’s not like… steady state Drift. Drift is silly and has a sense of humor and is friendly and good natured, and Ratchet is dour, and both of them naturally care a LOT. But they’re opposites in so many ways that I live to see them both quietly being prodprodprod with a curtain of not-exactly-hostility overlaying a whole lot of trust and affection.

Whirl/Cyclonus, although I tend towards a very pitchpale feeling with them instead of pure pitch. But Whirl is not good with soft and squishy emotions, so at least pretending it’s full-on pitch sits better with him. This is a case where there are just soooo many similarities between them, what with their wartime pasts, being lorge and exceptionally good at violence, having a very difficult time with friendly social connections. But also, MAN do they get off to a rough start XD But that bit in 47 where Cyclonus tells Whirl that he knew Whirl would tell him the truth, even if it hurt? And Whirl was brutally honest with him? Oh my god so pitchpale, I DIEEEED. And both of them are bad at communication, both of them are quietly full of moral injuries, both of them are really surprisingly pro-social when they’re put on the spot, and do a LOT to protect other people. I love love love them.

…….Prowl/Rewind. With Chromedome in the middle, but that’s the pitch piece. Not necessarily healthy, but SO EMOTIONALLY CHARGED, holy shit. I poked at this once in a fic (ending disastrously). But I also want to do a near-disaster that works out okay (the solution is to put Chromedome in the middle until the scene has momentum). Or Prowl/Fort Max, which is even more complicated, and may necessitate the addition of Red Alert and Cerebros as buffers between them.

Similarly, Starscream/Windblade/Knock Out, all pitch, with Breakdown on the side being completely made for companionable needling. Starscream and Windblade, I have already said a ridiculous number of words :P Knock Out and Windblade have all this potential to be fascinating to each other, because their cultures are so different, but Windblade was able to get a win in Velocitronian politics, and Knock Out is from a colony with a living, functional titan (one in almost a waking coma, but hey). And they’re both outspoken and open with their thoughts and he can be so petty the same way Starscream can, and it’s deliciously infuriating and she just– (but also, windblade and breakdown being sweet with each other, and exasperated and fond while starscream and knock out get distracted and ridiculous with each other).

And…. hmm hm hm. I don’t have much of a continuity in mind except to specify not IDW, because IDW OP is being an ass. But Starscream/OP. There’s something about Starscream and disillusionment with Megatron as a leader, plus fascination with Megatron’s opposite and parallel, but without dropping the established hostility with the autobots, and demanding as much out of Optimus as he would demand from Megatron, and just, so good. So hard to established without ‘to end this war you need to robot marry’ sorts of scenarios, but soooooo good. So like, in TFP, Optimus is so chill and placid, and Starscream is high-strung and emotional, and everything about them finding a stable orbit with each other is so fun. Or TFA, Starscream is old and cynical, Optimus is young and inexperienced (I sure do love that sort of ship :V), massively differing ideologies, experienced cynicism versus young, idealistic optimism, and a HUGE size difference because mmmm priorities. Lov this ship.

And there are others, where I either haven’t pinned down the words or don’t have a good scenario or justification, or just can’t say as much about them. Soundwave/OP, Soundwave/Starscream, Pyra Magna/OP, Elita One/OP, Pyra Magna/Elita One, Rung/Froid, Overlord/Tarn, Overlord/Megatron, Deathsaurus/Rodimus (shh sh sh it makes sense), Sunstreaker/Sideswipe, Arcee/Prowl, Arcee/Windblade, Elita One/Windblade. Hahaha, I’m trying to run through the cast by characters and see what I remember :P

Bumblebee/Starscream has pitch overtones, but Bumblebee is so much of a sweetheart and Starscream is being open because just a ghost amiright??? and he wobbles out of pitch pretty easily. TFP specifically is good for Knock Out/Bumblebee and Shockwave/Soundwave. Jazz/Starscream is another one that’s superficially pitch, except Jazz is being difficult and slippery and refusing to make a single real move into that quadrant. Some of these might jump into the list if I can get them written out in a story, but for the moment, I can’t quite words them.

[rainbow-femme]

Andreil swimming ?? Andreil going for a run ?? Neil having to play backliner again for some reason I am currently unable to think about ???

Neil floated below the surface, letting a stream of bubbles dribble out of his mouth as he looked through the blurry water.

Somewhere in front of him he saw a splash as someone else entered the water. Waving his hands a little, he pushed himself to the surface in time to see Matt bob to the surface and wave to Dan to join him.

Since the Foxes had finally proven their metal in their battle against the Ravens, they were given a slight bump in their travel expenses for occasions like this when they would have been driving through the night and sleeping sore on a bus. The hotel wasn’t anywhere near five star, but it had a pool and that was enough for the Foxes.

Neil had been the first to jump in. The air was warm and he hadn’t felt refreshed by the quick shower after the game and the promise of cool water was very inviting. Or, that was his excuse if anyone asked. If he was being honest, he’d stayed in many hotels and motels with his mother while on the run, and had always wished he could use the pool but they never dared leave their room. Forbidden fruit always tasted the sweetest, even when it’s as simple as an over chlorinated pool.

Renee and Allison were soaking in the hot tub near by, Allison saying that a jacuzzi soak was the only way to recover sore muscles. Dan quickly followed Matt off the diving board, splashing him as she entered. Aaron was reading on a chair beside Wymack, Abby was calling out for no one to run on the slippery tile, and Kevin was of course getting in laps, fuming that the extra travel time meant they wouldn’t get in a morning practice.

Neil was wondering where Andrew had gone to until he felt a finger touch the top of his head and begin pushing him under. He waited to sink up to his nose before turning to see Andrew behind him, still wearing his arm bands. Part of Neil wanted to point out the hypocrisy of Andrew calling him an idiot for considering wearing a shirt to the pool to cover his scars, but he never actually would. He considered Andrew’s scars just as much battle scars as his own, but doubted Andrew felt the same.

He settled for “You better not let one of your knives fall into the pool.”

“They’re Renee’s knives, she can find it if she wants it.” He was clearly doing his best to maintain a bored and unaffected look while also treading water on the edge of the shallow end. Neil would have noted that too, had he not been trying to do the same. People like Matt and Kevin never seemed to fully appreciate their ability to touch the bottom of the average community pool and it was horribly unfair.

Neil swam to the side to hold on and relax a little.

“Not going to go under?”

“Your brain cells die when you hold your breath. Unlike you I use mine.” He put his arms on the side of the pool, watching Neil.

Neil opened his mouth to quip back but was forced under by arms from behind him, shoving him under and holding him there. Panic kicked in and visions of his fathers men overcame him as he began thrashing, elbowing the offender in the stomach before a fist grabbed him and dragged him back up.

The smell of alcohol hit Neil as he gasped in a breath and a slurred voice behind him was saying something about thinking an Exy player would have stronger shoulders to carry him. Matt was dragging the guy away while Kevin shoved off another drunk fan who was saying something about playing chicken with /the/ Palmetto Foxes.

Once he got enough air in his lungs he turned back to Andrew who was still gripping his forearm. Neil let him, not wanting to pull away from Andrew, who was giving as much a glare as he could at the drunk fans.

“Why is it always you that’s a magnet for problems?” His grip relaxed but his hand didn’t move from Neil’s arm.

“My guess is the scars. People think I’m tough.”

“Imagine being so fatally misinformed.” His other hand seemed to shake slightly, and Neil thought about the last time he and Andrew were in a motel. It had been a better ending than he had hoped for, but for Andrew it was hours of not knowing what was happening to Neil, only to see him return a shattered mess. For someone with as vivid a memory as Andrew, who couldn’t hear “please” without reliving his own trauma, it couldn’t be easy to be somewhere so similar.

“Lets go to the hot tub, I’m getting cold.” He made his way to the ladder, not having to look back to know Andrew was following. He remembered the comments from the others about Andrew doing anything he asked and was glad he had such a useless imagination that he never thought to take advantage.

Grabbing two towels on the way, he sat on the edge and lowered his legs to the knee into the water, Andrew sinking in beside Renee.

“You OK?” Renee put a hand to his knee, her kind eyes worried as she looked him over for signs of an emotional relapse.

“If you’re not, we’ve got lots of options to beat them up.” Allison lounged across from him but her eyes were anything but relaxed, ready to claw out the eyes of anyone who threatened her Foxes. Neil had to remind himself that every time he was hurt, it must remind her of what it was like watching Seth constantly self destruct, only to be found dead when she thought the worst was over.

He really hated being a reminder of terrible things to his Foxes, but he wouldn’t have fit in if he weren’t a disaster.

He put his towel over his shoulders and put the other over Andrew’s head, drying the hair he had gotten wet when he dunked down to drag Neil up. Neil noted the slight dip of Andrew’s shoulders and the way he leaned back against Neil’s knee as a sign he could continue. This he did take advantage of, letting his little fingers make nonsense patterns on the back of Andrew’s neck. He got a pinch for this but Andrew remained settled against him, so he just grinned and continued. Maybe he did have something for Andrew’s neck.

Soon the hot tub was filled with Foxes and their adult supervision, each making sure Neil and Kevin were OK from getting jumped on. Except of course for Aaron, who simply commented that Neil should have stayed where he could touch, as if he was one to talk.

A bottle of cheap wine that Wymack “found” and did not use travel expense on was passed around. Andrew eventually migrated to sitting between Neil’s legs as a buffer from the others touching him. Neil continued to idly wipe the towel over Andrew’s hair and shoulders while Andrew traced a finger along his submerged ankle.

They stayed far past closing time, most likely because the workers didn’t want to tell Andrew Minyard that he couldn’t do something.

Neil found he liked hotel pools. He smelled strange but there was something about sitting in a steaming hot tub with everyone he cared about, sharing wine, sharing stories, and able to care for Andrew in the small way he allowed him. Maybe out of state games weren’t so bad.

[checanty]

HELLO this might be a little personal so if you don't want to answer this question I completly understand. I was wondering how you deal with your (art)-anxiety (you know the thing: self critisism and knocking yourself down all the time, being scared shitless about the future because life is getting real now). Do you have some tips or thoughts? X

Alright. So this is a big topic. It’s not always easy to tell since we tend to make sure to project our best self via social media, but anxiety and self doubts are not especially rare with artists including the ones you think have *made it*.  However, while I can talk about how I personally deal with anxiety, we all feel differently and not everything that works for me will work for you. Take what’s useful to you and leave the rest here. I’m just a silly 23 year old spewing nonsense into the void.

Also, if you struggle and feel like you need help, please do the scary thing and reach out to somebody you trust and/or talk to a mental health professional.

And obviously this is not a complete list because I have come to the realization that at the pace I’m writing we’ll be old and grey by the time I’m done.

Anyways here we go …

I. Assorted things

a. First, it helps to acknowledge that imposter syndrome, the fraud police or however you want to call it is a thing. Once I identify that nagging little voice for what it is, I can call it out on its bullshit. Sometimes it just haunts me in the back of my mind and I actively formulate the negative thought out in an ‘Ah yes, I’m a lazy little shit, that will never be good enough. That what you wanted to tell me, brain? Well, you gotta come up with something new because I know this trick and it’s not true.’ fashion. It helps me to recognize the pattern, pull it out into the open and then reject it. It’s easier than having my head buzzing with negative fragmented ideas that can continue to fester until I can’t deal with them anymore.

b. Trust others. When a person says they like your work? Trust that they do. Don’t draw the conclusion they’ll be your über-fan and throw money at you or that they’re an art critic guru, but take them by their word. That person likes your work and that’s awesome! (Obviously my grandmother predicting me to become a great artist won’t mean it’s true, but I believe she means it.)Also, somebody hires you for a job and it’s super scary and you feel like your going to fail? Trust the person who has hired you. They’ve seen your portfolio, they pay you (make sure they do), they believe you can do it. They’re not stupid.

c. When you’re sitting in your pajamas surfing the internet, eating cereals with a fork trying to eat away your felt 3000 failed drawings (But you’re lazy, so really you only drew like 5 things, but they’re so bad the failure counts for more.) of the day it’s hard to believe you can ever be as pro as those glorious drawing machines on the internet with their polished websites and portfolios who make it look so easy.

Now imagine stumbling upon yourself on the internet. What do you see?Your latest cool artwork, your work ethic (even if you really just queue your posts cleverly) … And this is just your online presentation. Think about the artwork. You know your stuff. You see it all the time. You know all the frustrating bits and problem areas. You know what parts you’re just winging or obscuring by drawing decorative ornamental elements on them and pretend it’s your style. Other people don’t. (They might if you tell them. So try not to be too negative about your work.) Try to see your work with their eyes. Design a book cover mock up with your artwork (or whatever is applicable to the area you want to work in) and imagine it’s by somebody else and you just stumbled upon it in a book shop. You might realize it’s actually kind of okay …You might actually start to really like some of your works. (or all of it.)

d. Trust in the fact that drawing is a skill that is constantly developing. Even if you’re not at the level you need or want to be at, as long as you practice and keep at it you’ll eventually get there. It’s a process. It might be a really slow one. But there’s just one direction to go and you have time. You do. Even when other people your age (or younger) seem to have made it (whatever that means), it’s frustrating, alright. Have a cry, that’s ok. Get back to the drawing table. You’re on different paths. Stay off the internet for a while if comparisonitis gets too bad. There’ll always be people who are better than you. Focus on your work. (My drawing teacher’s advice on this was: Get inspired, not frustrated. Which is easier said than done.)

e. Learn a new skill that has nothing to do with your art, simply for the joy of learning it and then fail a lot. It’s a lot easier to learn being accepting of your mistakes and failures this way. It’s much easier to learn when nobody judges you (grades you. Makes you take tests.). I’ve started yoga and learning a new language last year and I am still bad at both, but whenever I mess up my vocabulary or can’t do a pose it’s … okay. Nothing bad happens. And it’s lots of fun. The failing. The times when things do work. It’s easier to realize a mistake isn’t the end of it all when you practice with something that doesn’t already come with all the old pressures and expectations.

f. Get your sleep. No screens before bed time, seriously. Those are an invitation for insomnia. Try to keep a regular sleep schedule. I sound so boring with my whole scheduling habit, but it helps a lot.

g. Find a way to release stress. Do something besides work. When I find it hard to allow myself to do non work related things I tell myself being good at what I’m doing or being successful early on doesn’t actually mean much when it means I’m burned out by 24 and dead by 27. It’s really hard to follow your passion when you constantly fantasize about running away to hide somewhere in a forest cave living only on dirt and roots until you eventually poison yourself or freeze to death.

What also helped me to stop feeling like I’m not working enough was using a timer so I could show myself by the end of the week how much I have gotten done.Also using a schedule. And sticking (at least roughly) to it.(Although it takes a lot of trial and error to figure out how to best put your schedule together. It’s important to be aware of how you’re feeling and to be able to make some changes to accommodate your needs. Don’t start out by assuming you’re always your best and most productive self. Are you doing something that will probably exhaust you? Factor that in. Figure out how much you can actually effectively work. Buffer days in case you have deadlines. You might get sick or have a bad art day. Time off for regeneration. Don’t do the ‘I work best under pressure a day before the deadline’ thing if you can help it.)

h. Realizing you got time and you don’t actually have to be a fully functional amazing, successful artist person by, like, tomorrow. You don’t. You take the time you need. You make sure you’re okay first. Figuring out what exactly is important to you and what you really want to be and do takes time. It takes going down the wrong path sometimes. I started out wanting to be a comic artist, but ended up doing creepy dark fantasy illustrations. Now I’m realizing that this is not everything I want to do. It’s a process and nothing you do is in vain, but things take time.

(–> Goal setting on the other hand is a great way to succeed at something, but you have to know what you want first. Of course you can set a goal and realize on the way that you have no interest in reaching it anymore. I guess then it depends on what your goal is whether you want to continue or change course. E.g. I’d finish that big project you’ve been working on for years, but maybe stop trying to get that job you actually don’t want anymore.)

In a similar vein … Learning to be patient with oneself. Patience is always good.

II. The future is scary and I don’t know what to do

a. Research first! The monster is way less scary when you can see it clearly. Only once you know how it looks like you can plan on how to slay it. (It might not even be a perfect plan, it just has to be good enough to make you feel like things might turn out okay.)Hit the internet, read a lot. Learn what you can. See how other people do it. Ask questions. Try to find out where your crowd hangs out. My personal advice is to be a bit careful with those 10 ways to be a successful artist articles depending on how in depth they are. I either find them not especially informative or they’re a great way for me to spend the rest of the day crying (even and especially when they’re supposed to be motivational. There’s so much motivational stuff out there that really just makes me feel super insecure.) because after reading them I’m pretty sure I don’t do any of those things and am a horrible person anyways. Articles dealing with matters in a more nuanced manner might often be more to read, but have been way more helpful to me.

Some resources that help(ed) me a lot (consider I’m mostly doing fantasy art, so it might not all be for you):

http://muddycolors.blogspot.deAmazing artists and art directors sharing insights. There’s a lot. Maybe matching this ask’s subject:

Arrogance & Doubt

How to get what you want

The secret to success in art

@dearartdirector here on tumblr. Make sure to check out their prior asks&answers before sending them your questions. There’s already a lot of important stuff in there.

Bobby Chiu’s Youtube Channel1FantasticWeek Podcast (& Facebook Group)Drawn&Drafted

Giuseppe Castellano’s Blog and #arttips on Twitter

For children’s books: find the hashtag #kidlitart on Twitter

Otherwise try to find blogs and podcasts about what you want to do.

III. Everything is too much and I can’t manage or think or …

a. Sometimes things just get too much and I put everything on hold and write through it. I think faster than I can write, so putting thoughts to paper slows me down. I also see the stuff in my head written out and it is easier to confront it and recognize what actually makes sense and what doesn’t. The process is obviously different every time, but basically I try to boil down what upsets me and then find ways to deal with it conversation style. (I usually even include the bits where I don’t know what to say and then write exactly that down.)For example I’ve written  myself through some phone call anxiety last year by listing what I am actually afraid of and why it makes me feel insecure and then writing down what I know to be actually true.

The last part looked somewhat like this: You’re safe. You’re sitting in your room on the floor and there is nobody around. Nothing can happen to you. You are physically safe.It is their job to help you. If you don’t know something, they will help you.  If they are mean it is not on you. They might have had a shitty day. Also, they don’t know you and their opinion on you has no influence on your life. They talk to a lot of people in a day and will probably forget you. You are not important enough to ruin somebody’s day. If they make fun of you at home it has no influence on your life.Just be as polite as you can be and you have nothing to feel bad about.

And so on.

Most negative thoughts are similar. e. g. ‘I’ll never achieve anything.’ vs writing down successes (as small as they might be): I’ve been able to feed myself for a week. I can speak a second language. I survived school. I’m keeping my rats alive. I know myself better today than I did last year.

When I feel like I’m dancing on too many parties and feel like I am constantly forgetting something or feel just vaguely haunted I try to figure out what the immediate issues that freak me out are. Being as specific as possible. Being as honest as possible. It’s not like anybody has to see what I’m writing. This is not just about art. It’s about everything, even and especially the petty little things. If you gather enough of those they can be crushing. Once they’re all written down I can decide which have priority and which I can put aside. The important part is to make a conscious decision (really, decision making. Sometimes stressing about making a decision is worse than making the wrong choice.). I don’t have to answer my friend’s Facebook message today, I can just tell them I’m currently stressed out and will get back to them at some later point. Or let them wait for a day or two. They’ll survive. I can simply say no to this or that thing. I can totally schedule this thing to next week and not think about it until then. (Actually write down when you’ll do it, though. Everything you write down you don’t have to keep juggling in your head.)

Then I write down possible solutions for what is still left. Afterwards I figure out which ones I can implement and which one’s I cannot (for whatever reason.). What can I do right now? (Starting with the easiest fixes. That might be doing the dishes that have piled up over time.) What can I schedule? I need to have plan of action* for every problem on my list. Sometimes it doesn’t mean I’ll solve it, but at least I’ll feel like I’ve done everything I currently feel capable of doing.

* Those may be suuuuper small steps. Or maybe even acknowledging it scares me, but accepting that it is something I cannot influence and therefore something that just goes into my calendar and out of my brain. It’s a lot about planning and scheduling for me.

b. I use a friend of mine and my  mum for reality checks sometimes when my brain gets stuck on something totally irrational and I need somebody to explain to me why I don’t make sense.

(I also use my friend when I’m not sure whether I’m interpreting a message or social situation correctly. Good to have a second opinion when your paranoid brain sees cryptic messages and overt criticism everywhere.)

c. When I feel I’m about to freak out and can’t sit down to write or think something through I have a book lying around that I can grab and read aloud until I calm down. I like Jack Kerouac for this because I don’t have to try and understand what is going on. It’s just a stream of pretty words and sound.

[tismroot]

www.tism.wanker.com Album Launch - IRC Net Conference

On the 19th of May 1998, TISM attempted to hold a Net Launch for their new album, www.tism.wanker.com. It failed miserably (of course), with constant flooding of the IRC channel, jerky and broken picture transmission, and apathetic answers to much sought-after questions. TISM obviously detest their fans, but the faithful followers keep coming back for more. Why?? Here is the evidence, sent to me by a disgruntled fan.

Session Start: Tue May 19 15:39:23 1998 * Logging #tismlive to '#tismlive.log' <FunkyGroo> are you here for the launch ?? <KickiTT> yup <FunkyGroo> you're a bit bloody early <KickiTT> yeah, wanted to get into the mosh pit <KickiTT> :) *** Retrieving #tismlive info... *** KickiTT changes topic to 'If You're Early, Forget It' <FunkyGroo> what does that mean <KickiTT> nothing <TisM> hehe <KickiTT> Do I have a life?  I think not <KickiTT> It's only 3.40pm, for Christ's sake! *** TisM has quit IRC (Leaving) <KickiTT> TisM's left, and I'm *still* here.  Sad. <FunkyGroo> check it out <KickiTT> what? *** McBain (d.morrison@129.94.144.149) has joined #tismlive <McBain> Hellooo? <KickiTT> hey there! <McBain> looking forward to the live sounds? <KickiTT> sure thing <KickiTT> hey, is that you Lachlan? <KickiTT> how you doin man! <McBain> okay, i'm at a loss, who are you kickitt and more importantly do i know you? <KickiTT> well I'm on the mailing list <McBain> which mailing list? <KickiTT> are you on the TISM e-mailing list? *** Freshy (moorella@dialup-m1-61.Sale.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive <McBain> im afraid you have got me mistaken for somebody else <KickiTT> so where you guys from, McBain, Freshy? <McBain> besides im not the tism fan im just setting up for a friend so that he may listen to the live stuff <KickiTT> McBain - ok <Freshy> sale <McBain> hello <KickiTT> hi there <Freshy> my bloody server wont recieve the realplayer stuff <KickiTT> what's the error you're getting Freshy? *** TisM (tism@d053.meldas1.access.net.au) has joined #tismlive <TisM> check it out 1234 <TisM> check it out <TisM> 1234 <Freshy> server alert: you cannot recieve this content. Either your network bandwith isnt wide enough or the CPU isnt powerful enough to decode it <Freshy> I am running a pentium too <Freshy> any ideas? <TisM> Fressy <Freshy> tism <TisM> The deal is that its set up to do both, <Freshy> how ya goin <TisM> the problem is to do IRC only and then jump back and forth <Freshy> do both what? <TisM> on your Real video <Freshy> ok <Freshy> so i should quit 1 and do the other <Freshy> is that right? <KickiTT> what speed modem do you have? <Freshy> 28.8 <Freshy> running at 26400 <KickiTT> hmmm, should be ok. . . <Freshy> bastard of a thing <KickiTT> yeah trust TISM to make it hard on everyone! <KickiTT> :) <Freshy> hehe <Freshy> have u tried to hook it up yetr ? *** Rooter (palex@203.63.38.1) has joined #tismlive <KickiTT> it's probably a godsend you won't see their ugly mugs anyway <Freshy> haha <Rooter> no bukin furries punk ! <KickiTT> yeah, I got a shot of some guy setting up the camera, then a shot of a desk and chair for an hour! <Freshy> I got that <TisM> check it out <TisM> 1234 5678 <Freshy> then I tried to start it again and nothing would work <TisM> hrehheh <TisM> 1234 <TisM> 455676 <TisM> 4566456 <TisM> 47477 <KickiTT> testing <KickiTT> dfslkjadsljsdfjlsdfljasdf <Freshy> hey TISM: your goddamm site wont work for me <Freshy> bloody country phone exchanges <KickiTT> yeah fuck off TISM, this is OUR channel! <KickiTT> :) * Freshy goes down to the Kilmany phone exchange and gives the monkeys running the thing a boot in the arse <Freshy> I wonder if that will work <KickiTT> hey McBain baby, you still there? <Freshy> hey its woking!!! <Freshy> wooohooo <KickiTT> the Real Video? <Freshy> 2 blokes in an office <Freshy> its a good start I guesss <TisM> heheh <TisM> Hehe <Freshy> am I lookinga at the right thing TISM? <KickiTT> they're putting up the shocking new logo and promo poster <Freshy> ojn what? <Freshy> i cant see that <KickiTT> BRING BACK THE 'Truckin Songs'-era TISM font!! <KickiTT> on the wall <Rooter> check it out !!!\ <KickiTT> now there's some guy scratching his arse <Freshy> I am not seeing that <Rooter> fungus <Rooter> the pain in my brain works mainly when I'm insane ! <KickiTT> I wonder how many chicks are gonna be on channel tonite <Freshy> kickitt: is your real player constantly changing? <Freshy> mine is static <KickiTT> mine's moving: a bunch of guys walking around wondering how to operate the equipment <Freshy> mine isnt <Freshy> what the fark is going wrong? <KickiTT> try quitting the real player and going back into it <Freshy> pnm://sandpit.access.net.au/tism.ra <Freshy> is that the location you have opened? <KickiTT> that's the one <Freshy> not working here *** Retrieving #tismlive info... <Freshy> just showing half a bloke and his arse *** KickiTT changes topic to 'If You're Early, Forget It: These guys have no idea!' <FunkyGroo> heaps <KickiTT> you've got 2 hours, fellas <KickiTT> get it together! <KickiTT> Freshy: I think they're just sending out test shots at the moment - the current one runs 58 seconds and it's the same every time I play it *** Freshy has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <KickiTT> hi TisM <KickiTT> can I get an early question in? *** Freshy (moorella@dialup-m1-33.Sale.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive <FunkyGroo> send it off to the email address, so I can add it in. <Freshy> kickitt: is your realplayer still moving? <Freshy> mine just seems to stay still <FunkyGroo> we're just testing the system <Freshy> woohoo its working <KickiTT> they're just sending out the same test shot at the moment, nothing live Freshy <Freshy> ok <Freshy> I just saw a minute of 2 blokes talking then back to static.....is that what I should have seen? <Freshy> back to nothing happening <KickiTT> OK it's live now <KickiTT> who is that ugly fuck in the purple t-shirt? *** Vort_X (bidner@dialup48.gl.hardnet.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** Freshy1 (moorella@dialup-m1-41.Sale.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive <KickiTT> exciting innit? *** boBenasnI (sam@d67.cia.com.au) has joined #tismlive <Freshy1> mine isnt even working <Vort_X> whos the dood on the netcast page talking into what looks like a cassete recorder. <boBenasnI> is that guy who was testing the audio before here???? <Vort_X> could be a phone. <Rooter>   *** Freshy has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <Vort_X> how does one get any audio. <Vort_X> ??? <KickiTT> back in a sec. . . <Vort_X> don't worry. i got some dude humming. <Vort_X> it's all happening..yay <Vort_X> are they going to move the camera back to fit them all in. and is the jack the guy talking about J. Cheese? <Freshy1> mine isnt doing a fucking thing <KickiTT> it's not live, it's gone back to test video <Vort_X> well. it works. <Vort_X> Freshy; whats happening with yours. <Freshy1> not a great deal :( <Freshy1> the real player just has a static pic on it <Freshy1> when I go to reload the .ra loacation nothing happens <Freshy1> it just has some long haired git on the screen <Vort_X> well fucked if i know. <Freshy1> makes 2 of ud <Vort_X> are you using realaudio or going through the live.html page? <Rooter> check 1234 <Rooter> 978567673 <Rooter> yep <Freshy1> tried using the real audio <Freshy1> the live page just has a realaudio logo <FunkyGroo> test 1234 <Freshy1> and none of the buttons are clickable <KickiTT> that is one ugly son of a bitch <Vort_X> what browser r u using, ie or netscape. <Freshy1> netscape <Vort_X> communicator or 3.01? <Freshy1> 3.01 *** PunkyFunk (~palex@203.63.38.1) has joined #tismlive <Vort_X> ummm. don't know if it makes a difference. try closing netscape and then re-opening it up. <PunkyFunk> doods <Freshy1> some bloke just started humming and whistling <Freshy1> I got some bloke talking <Vort_X> yep, thats the video. <Freshy1> ok <Freshy1> some bloke in a purple t shirt <Vort_X> ? it's just a re-run video... <Freshy1> ok <Vort_X> mine has just restarted. <boBenasnI> its not live i dont think <Freshy1> sounds like bedlum there <Freshy1> it just stpeed <Freshy1> stopped <boBenasnI> its not live <boBenasnI> i hope it will be at 6:30 <Freshy1> i wonder if mine will work ehn the live thing starts <boBenasnI> im going , be back before 6:30 *** boBenasnI has quit IRC (this is Ron Hitler Barrassi from TISM talking to Cris from the Breakfasters , Cr) <PunkyFunk> hehe <PunkyFunk> :-> *** ^Medea^ (+tism69@4pp120.radiant.net) has joined #tismlive <KickiTT> Medea, welcome to the SECOND coolest TISM channel  :) <^Medea^> hee hee!  Just got here a minute ago! *giggles*  Guess everyone else is just lurking for now! *** kizmyaz (sehagell@t-cssc-4-4-p11.dialup.wisc.edu) has joined #tismlive <KickiTT> hey there kiz <kizmyaz> yo home skillet! <Freshy1> what does buffered play mean on realplayer? <KickiTT> our second overseas chatter?? <TisM> check it out <kizmyaz> am i so easily spotted? <TisM> 1234 <KickiTT> shut up TISM <KickiTT> :) <^Medea^> Hee hee!  Kickitt!  Leo just came online!  He should be here any sec... <KickiTT> ok! <KickiTT> let's do a hands up type thingy for everyone on the mailing list. . . * KickiTT puts his hand up * Freshy1 puts his hand up <Freshy1> I hope Lachy isnt here * ^Medea^ puts her hand up *** PunkyFunk has quit IRC (Ping timeout) *** Rooter has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <^Medea^> Someone PING me! *** FunkyGroo has quit IRC (Ping timeout) *** VortX (bidner@dialup19.gl.hardnet.com.au) has joined #tismlive -> [^Medea^] PING <kizmyaz> i wood, but i'm just learning this program. *** VortX (bidner@dialup19.gl.hardnet.com.au) has left #tismlive (VortX) *** Vort_X has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <KickiTT> Medea - 49 seconds! <^Medea^> HEY!  I got a fucked up message from my RealPlayer saying that I can't receive anything from the tism thing cuz my bandwidth is too slow or my CPU isn't powerful enough?!?  Anyone else get this?! It was working fine a minute ago! *** Vort_X (bidner@dialup19.gl.hardnet.com.au) has joined #tismlive <KickiTT> yeah, freshy was getting that as well <^Medea^> Hmmmm.....I wonder what the problem is with this thing?  *WHACK!* <KickiTT> I just checked it, they're playing the "Cunt" video at the moment! <Vort_X> what happened to the Op? <KickiTT> dunno, maybe he got bored! <^Medea^> Well this is just pissing me off!  Freshy!  You still getting the error message?! <Freshy1> yep <Freshy1> its not playing here <^Medea^> OH! It's working now! Thank GOD! *sigh*   *** Crisen (sinner@203.40.56.36) has joined #tismlive <Vort_X> now i got some voice...instead of the filmclip. <Freshy1> hey ys it is! <Crisen> lol *** Rooter (root@203.63.38.1) has joined #tismlive <Crisen> ware the fuck r the ops? <Crisen> hehehahah <Rooter> hi All <Crisen> u think this event is gonna werk wif no ops? * Crisen laffs uncontroble <Vort_X> aarrrhhh..they put the filmclip back on...bastards.. <Vort_X> i wanted the sound. <Freshy1> mine has come up with cannot buffer entire clip <Freshy1> how do I fix this? <kizmyaz> OY! the sound never worked on the video when i downloaded it. I WANNA HEAR! <^Medea^> Freshy-I'm getting that too!  OH!  There it is....I sorta fast forwarded it a bit! *smile* <Vort_X> they have changed the vid again. *** cyclonic (matyar@dial107.nettrek.com.au) has joined #tismlive <Freshy1> this is fucked <cyclonic> If you're creative, get stuffed... <Rooter> test *** syndrOme (JAMES_FOST@bbs2.xpress.net.au) has joined #tismlive <syndrOme> yoe <Vort_X> cyclonic: are you doing any realaudio copying for this... <cyclonic> ohhhhhhhh good idea!!! Maybe I should! <^Medea^> cyclonic-okay! hee hee...*kiss* <syndrOme> what network does this server belong to <cyclonic> but i dunno if it'll work.....gimme a sec <Freshy1> mine comes up with cannot buffer entire clip 30.0kps <cyclonic> ^Medea^, my love, how are you this fine evening? <^Medea^> Is anyone getting the vid on a smooth run?  Mine is totally buggered...FRESHY-YEAH! Mine too! <Crisen> ware the fuck r the ops? <Crisen> lol <Crisen> is TISM gonna be here tonite? <KickiTT> I'm at work, and it's still jerky <KickiTT> but that's Real Video for ya <^Medea^> cyclonic-My darling...*kiss*  I'm fine..now that you're here...*smile* <Crisen> this is gonna be a fucken mess <Crisen> hehhehaahahmwahwhhawbwahwaha <Vort_X> some dude be putting up a tism sign.. <Rooter> test <^Medea^> VortX-HUH?!  Where?! *smile*  Guess I should fast forward the clip again.... <Vort_X> where are tism going to be in melb. <cyclonic> oh man, I can't figure out how to record this....darn... <kizmyaz> say, what time is it there? <cyclonic> ^Medea^ *k* <KickiTT> I can't believe these fuckers that write TEST in IRC! <^Medea^> cyclonic-*KISS*  Think it would work if you ran it through RealPublisher?! *shrug* *** syndrOme has quit IRC (NUKE 'EM TILL THEY GLOW!) <Vort_X> is anyone taping it(on tape) so that people who aren't here can at least listen to it later. Cyclonic would be able to publish it...wouldn't you? <cyclonic> I wanna know how they managed to get the drum intro on Drop The Tude to sound so good.. <Crisen> is TISM goin to be here?! <KickiTT> No TISM is not going to be here Crisen <Crisen> wat the fuck <Crisen> why?! <cyclonic> I'm trying to figure out how to record the ra file...but I think that it'll simply be too HUGE! <KickiTT> This is just a channel for people who r on the mailing list <Vort_X> don't worry bout it cyclonic. <^Medea^> Hmmm..... <Crisen> wat the fuck <Crisen> so r alot of people goin to be here tonite? <KickiTT> no, just us. . . <^Medea^> KickiTT-Just for people onthe mailing list?!!?  huh? <cyclonic> TA Vort....if I did record it , it'd be some massive file size.. <cyclonic> Wheres my beer? <KickiTT> McBain, why you been so quiet dood? * KickiTT prods McBain with a broom handle <Vort_X> pushing the env. aren't we Kickett. <KickiTT> :) <cyclonic> *l* <^Medea^> cyclonic-Just starting on your first one?! Geez! *shakes head*  I hope you're gonna share! *smile* *** FunkyGroo (~info@203.63.38.1) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> ^Medea^, well my love, do you want one? <^Medea^> Oh hey!  Someone is hanging up a blue TISM sign....hee hee....cool! <TisM> This is just a channel for people who r on the mailing list <TisM> <Vort_X> don't worry bout it cyclonic. <TisM> This is just a channel for people who r on the mailing list <TisM> <Vort_X> don't worry bout it cyclonic. <^Medea^> cyclonic-hee hee...*kiss*  SURE! <Vort_X> oy. <KickiTT> wow, TISM's flooding their own channel! <cyclonic> Ta guys... <Vort_X> who would have guessed. * ^Medea^ laughs hysterically <Freshy1> well...I am not gonna be able to see this....it wont fucking work <Rooter> sh <Vort_X> quickly run around to a friends house freshy <KickiTT> Freshy, don't worry about it.  Real Video is dodgy at best. <Freshy1> I live 3 hrs east of melbourne <Freshy1> a bit hard <Vort_X> your only friend lives in melb? <Freshy1> it keeps saying cant buffer entire clip when I press play <Vort_X> what speed modem have ya got? <^Medea^> Freshy-Pull the little slider thingy at the top forward a bit... <Freshy1> 26400 it runs at <Vort_X> k. <Vort_X> who here is using realaudio over the live webpage? <^Medea^> VortX-huh? <kizmyaz> me. <kizmyaz> and it is silent. <Vort_X> are you actually using the realaudio prog...or just going to the webpage. <Freshy1> mine just goes to the page and nothing happens *** SinDrome_ (-ID53B4P@mail.aacres.com) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> I'm just running RV and IRC now.... <kizmyaz> i have the prog, but i am using it thru netscape.. *** elit3 (~death@demo1.newcastle.fl.net.au) has joined #tismlive *** blahss (sinner@203.40.56.36) has joined #tismlive <kizmyaz> HELP! <^Medea^> WOW!  ih ave SOUND NOW! *smile*  Freshy!  TRY AGAIN! <Freshy1> I think I give up <cyclonic> oh man... <KickiTT> uh oh. . . <Vort_X> what cyc. <^Medea^> cyclonic-What is it baby? *smile* <Freshy1> it just wont work what ever I do <cyclonic> check one two ya'all!!!!!!!! *** elit3 has quit IRC (Excess Flood) *** blahss has quit IRC (Excess Flood) <Vort_X> fucking loosers. <^Medea^> hee hee! <cyclonic> sound is up...when it wants to... <KickiTT> This channel needs an op. . . <Vort_X> where did s/he go.they were here before. <cyclonic> i agree KickiTT <KickiTT> or it could get ugly <cyclonic> man my ISp is SLOOOWWWWWW..... <KickiTT> who you with cyclonic? <^Medea^> "The TISM Eye..." hee hee! *smile* *** Retrieving #tismlive info... <Vort_X> mine is soo fast. one of the fastest in Oz. an i work there...and have a FREE connection yayayayayay <Vort_X> i got that aswell. <cyclonic> local ISP in Fremantle, i'm in Perth....Nettrek Online Services..amybe its just the time of day too... *** FBF242 (~aa@dynamic162.buf.adelphia.net) has joined #tismlive *** leet0 (sinner@203.40.56.36) has joined #tismlive *** dds (~biarch@demo1.newcastle.fl.net.au) has joined #tismlive *** elit3 (~death@demo1.newcastle.fl.net.au) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> Vort_x: lucky prick...*g* <Freshy1> I just got an eye up <^Medea^> Freshy-COOL!  You're catching up now! *smile* <cyclonic> golly we're an hour early <KickiTT> watch out - elit3 is the flooder. . . <Vort_X> i know.... him and blahss.. <Freshy1> this is dodgey <KickiTT> and dds *** Vort_X changes topic to 'T|SM - stagediving is strictly prohibited.' *** HNB (User@203.21.6.27) has joined #tismlive <Vort_X> howdii. *** Freshy1 changes topic to 'realplayer is farkin' dodgey' <Vort_X> it aint that bad freshy <Freshy1> it hardly works here *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '' <cyclonic> Man, I wish I had Cable iNternet right now.. <Vort_X> working fine up here. <^Medea^> Freshy-Just keep running it a couple times...maybe even restart your RealPlayer! *shrug* *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1234' <^Medea^> cyclonic-Join the club! *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <Vort_X> i can see everyone will change the topic soon enough. <cyclonic> hee hee!!!! <Rooter> check it out *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' *** leet0 has quit IRC (Excess Flood) *** dds has quit IRC (Excess Flood) *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' *** FBF242 has quit IRC (Excess Flood) *** elit3 has quit IRC (Excess Flood) *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' *** dds (~biarch@demo1.newcastle.fl.net.au) has joined #tismlive *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <KickiTT> fuckwits <^Medea^> Alright, this is just bloody annoying.... *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <Vort_X> fuck off leet, elit3, dds and all you other fuckwitz *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <cyclonic> KILL SINDROME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <KickiTT> someone DEE *** TiSmLoVeR (number10@203.33.244.149) has joined #tismlive * ^Medea^ slaps SinDrome_ around a bit with a large trout *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <SinDrome_> lol <KickiTT> Someone DCC this guy a virus *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <Vort_X> will you guyz fuck off... <HNB> funfunfun *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <Vort_X> everyone nuke the fucking flooders. *** ^Medea^ (+tism69@4pp120.radiant.net) has left #tismlive (^Medea^) *** Retrieving #tismlive info... *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <Vort_X> WE NEED A FUCKING OP. *** ^Medea^ (+tism69@4pp120.radiant.net) has joined #tismlive *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <SinDrome_> lol *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' *** KickiTT changes topic to 'Fuck off SinDrome' * SinDrome_ laffs *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <Vort_X> hey kickett - Everyone join #tism - Kickett will Op. *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <Vort_X> piss these other guys off. *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' *** cyclonic (matyar@dial107.nettrek.com.au) has left #tismlive (cyclonic) *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' *** ^Medea^ changes topic to 'SinDrome is a useless tosser' *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' *** PunkyFunk (~palex@203.63.38.1) has joined #tismlive *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' *** ^Medea^ changes topic to 'SinDrome-Kill Yourself now and avoid the rush' *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <KickiTT> Don't worry, I'm contacting the IRC server ops. . . *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <KickiTT> . . .as we chat *** ^Medea^ changes topic to 'SinDrome-Kill Yourself now and avoid the rush' *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <Vort_X> k. *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <^Medea^> Will someone please kill SinDrome? *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <SinDrome_> lol *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <SinDrome_> u cant gline me *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <SinDrome_> and ircops dont run a OPer service here *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <PunkyFunk> hehe <SinDrome_> meaning they cant op u *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' <SinDrome_> PhEaR mY 313370 skiLLZ *** SinDrome_ changes topic to '1,1____________________________________________________________________________' *** dds has quit IRC (Leaving) <Freshy1> sindrome: what kicks are you gettijg from acting like a total tosser?? *** SinDrome_ changes topic to 'UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro' <Freshy1> sindrome: what kicks are you gettijg from acting like a total tosser?? *** SinDrome_ changes topic to 'UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro' <Vort_X> FUCK OFF YOU TRY HARD HACKERS. U CAN'T HACK A FUCKING VAX. * ^Medea^ slaps SinDrome_ around a bit with a large trout *** SinDrome_ changes topic to 'UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro' *** boBenasnI (sam@d7.cia.com.au) has joined #TISMLIVE *** SinDrome_ changes topic to 'UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro' <Vort_X> The 3l33t3 will fuck u over f00ls. * ^Medea^ slaps SinDrome_ around a bit with a large trout *** SinDrome_ changes topic to 'UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro' * ^Medea^ slaps SinDrome_ around a bit with a large trout <SinDrome_> oh im just bored :-) *** SinDrome_ changes topic to 'UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro0Ls UNiX Ro' <SinDrome_> lol *** SinDrome_ has quit IRC (EOF From client) <TiSmLoVeR> thank god <Vort_X> my thoughts exactly. <^Medea^> THANK GOD! <KickiTT> this shit's gonna keep happening if we don't have an op in here <Vort_X> they'll be back. <TiSmLoVeR> how come no ops * ^Medea^ breathes a great sigh of relief *** cyclonic (matyar@dial107.nettrek.com.au) has joined #tismlive <Crisen> everyone needs to leavea <Crisen> and come back <Crisen> to get ops <Crisen> wich i think <Vort_X> i still say we all move to #tism. <cyclonic> hee hee!!! <Crisen> is gonna be imposible <Crisen> but that isnt advertised on the web site *** ^Medea^ changes topic to 'Where are the ops?!' <Crisen> everyone will join here <Vort_X> bah..everyone just leave and join back in30 secs. *** Vort_X (bidner@dialup19.gl.hardnet.com.au) has left #tismlive (Vort_X) <cyclonic> It shits me...but not as I shit me. <^Medea^> Damn straight baby...*smile* hee hee.... <KickiTT> That FunkyGroo guy was ops, but he left the channel *** Vort_X (bidner@dialup19.gl.hardnet.com.au) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> ^Medea^ my love...*s* * ^Medea^ kisses cyclonic <Vort_X> come on guys....we gotta leave...they'll be back. *** Retrieving #tismlive info... <cyclonic> *s* *** SinDrome (sinner@203.40.56.36) has joined #tismlive <^Medea^> Vort-XAnd where will we go?! I thought this is where the Q&A is gonna be! *** VoLt (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <SinDrome> now that i bo0t in my linux box <^Medea^> OH MY GOD HE'S BACK! *sigh* <SinDrome> jo0 gonn4 di3 <HNB> so how many peoples here are on the list? *** KickiTT changes topic to 'Move to #TISM if the flooders come back' <VoLt> whats up muther fucler <SinDrome> bitch :-) <SinDrome> ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] | <cyclonic> SInDrome must die! <VoLt> touch sindrome *** ^Medea^ changes topic to 'SinDrome is a useless tosser....' <VoLt> i fuck you all <VoLt> muther fuckers *** SinDrome has quit IRC (Excess Flood) *** TiSmLoVeR (number10@203.33.244.149) has left #tismlive (TiSmLoVeR) <Crisen> haha *** Netchick (NS1@nick.fan.net.au) has left #TISMLive (Netchick) *** SinDrome (sinner@203.40.56.36) has joined #tismlive *** VoLt changes topic to 'fuck wif sindrome you fuck wif me /ctcp volt version aww win95 muther fuckers it' *** SinDrome (sinner@203.40.56.36) has left #tismlive (SinDrome) <cyclonic> where do these dickheads come from anyway? <VoLt> austnet <VoLt> #nasa <VoLt> #r00t <VoLt> come test us muther fucker:) <VoLt> where is tism the lame fuckers *** TiSmLoVeR (number10@203.33.244.149) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> I choose to let children play their games, while we adults, behave like adults. *** Netchick (NS1@nick.fan.net.au) has joined #TISMLive <VoLt> cyclonic *** Retrieving #tismlive info... <VoLt> good kids have more power than you fucking lame ass's <VoLt> for instance <VoLt> who here can hack <VoLt> HACK *** KickiTT changes topic to 'Sindrome takes it up the ass' <Vort_X> me..why/... <Vort_X> yay...keep abusing syndrome voice over guy.. <cyclonic> With Volt giving it to Sindrome.. <kizmyaz> hqr? <VoLt> muwhahahahaha <kizmyaz> k-rad <VoLt> vort-x <VoLt> you can hack <VoLt> gr8 <VoLt> wait <VoLt> i got some lame shit <VoLt> real lame <KickiTT> Keep pounding Sindrome's ass, VoLt, do it HARD! <Vort_X> voice over guy..say hi to me... <VoLt> i will *** Retrieving #tismlive info... <^Medea^> If it's not on the mailing list it's in here! *giggle* <PunkyFunk> test *** tret (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> wicked! more sound!!! <FunkyGroo> test *** KickiTT changes topic to 'Sindrome takes it up the ass from VoLt' <TiSmLoVeR> test <Vort_X> yay.. <Vort_X> We HATE SinDrome.... <cyclonic> Ice Ice Baby!!! *** VoLt has quit IRC (PheaReD±v2.0:mIRC32: (r00teD) By VoLt) <Rooter> check it out Half Hour  .... * ^Medea^ giggles at cyclonic <cyclonic> TISM is our JISM!!!!!! <cyclonic> Vanilla Ice was cool... <KickiTT> Let the JISM fly!!! <cyclonic> *lmao* <KickiTT> All over the faces of the upper class!!!! * ^Medea^ has no comment... *** Crisen has quit IRC (_--=[ We Share Tha Same Planet ]=--_) <Vort_X> when Tism come on, will it be prerecorded....or what. <cyclonic> Yeah, get the levels mate!!! *** FBF242 (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <FunkyGroo> The TISM is Live.  REAL LIVE <Vort_X> yahoo. *** FBF242 (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (FBF242) *** FBF242 (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <TiSmLoVeR> does any one really know *** FBF242 (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (FBF242) *** FBF242 (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** FBF242 (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (FBF242) *** FBF242 (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> Its on peoples! *** FBF242 (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (FBF242) *** Freshy1 has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <FBF242> _ *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <FunkyGroo> I'm in the room now, the doors are about to be opened! <Vort_X> yayayayayayayayayayayay <cyclonic> FunkyGroo, legend!! <Vort_X> piss off ROOT u asshole... *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <FunkyGroo> Yes people are entering! *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <tret> awwwwwww *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** tattsmann (tattsmann@ME-A15-pool-144.tmns.net.au) has joined #tismlive *** tret is now known as VoLt <VoLt> g nuke him <VoLt> you lame win95 fuckers *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <VoLt> i am to lame to teardrop you all or whatever *** hillary (~hillary@smart62.smart.net.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <kizmyaz> HEY! mac's bite. *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** cyclonic (matyar@dial107.nettrek.com.au) has left #tismlive (cyclonic) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** barry2 (barry@ME-A01-pool-15.tmns.net.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <FunkyGroo> 25 min. and counting down! *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** VoLt changes topic to 'tism sucks dick :)' *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** the_fiend (turner23@animal.thehub.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** cyclonic (matyar@dial107.nettrek.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <the_fiend> whatta da fook? *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <TiSmLoVeR> kill rOOt *** ^Medea^ changes topic to 'Flooders suck dick......' *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <VoLt> muwhahahaha *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <VoLt> kill him <boBenasnI> when will the live video start , exactly 6:30??????? *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <cyclonic> coolies baby.. <VoLt> ill teardrop smurf ping you all to death <VoLt> :) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** TiSmLoVeR changes topic to 'F.' *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** ^Medea^ changes topic to 'Flooders are fucking cunts...' <cyclonic> I love these cunts who choose to fuck this shit up for every other cunt in the room... *** Kempo (jasonk@bne45.thehub.com.au) has joined #tismlive <VoLt> same <Vort_X> hey, FunkyGroo....whats happening...in there.. <FunkyGroo> it's starting nowish... <Kempo> Hey folks <the_fiend> geez can't we get an op here? <^Medea^> WOW!  SOUND! 8smile*  hee hee! <TiSmLoVeR> i'm coming back <KickiTT> FunkyGroo, it's not gonna start here without an op. . . <Vort_X> suggest they announce that the channel should be #tism.... <Vort_X> cause of fuckwitz like root. *** boBenasnI has quit IRC (this is Ron Hitler Barrassi from TISM talking to Cris from the Breakfasters , Cr) <barry2> whover has ops, boot root_ <Vort_X> no-one does.... <Vort_X> funky....u did before didn't you.. <cyclonic> get a fucking op in here now and fuck rOOt off! <TiSmLoVeR> i'm getting live from real player,everyone else too <Kempo> Anyone not getting anything from the sandpit server? <^Medea^> Kempo!  I'm not!  i keep getting the damn server alert messaqge!  GRRR!!!!! <cyclonic> ^Medea^ *kiss* * ^Medea^ returns cyclonic's kiss *kiss* *HUGZ* <Kempo> Medea - same here. <TiSmLoVeR> i'm get video ,anyone else <Vort_X> yep. <Kempo> Nope <cyclonic> *s* <kizmyaz> kinda <hillary> yeah, i got it] * ^Medea^ crawls away and starts crying in the corner...this thing hates me! *sob* <TiSmLoVeR> this is m rated version <the_fiend> eugh guyz keep it of chan huh???? :) * Netchick will be back. <Kempo> Is anyone who has a 33.6K modem or less getting the video? *** Netchick (NS1@nick.fan.net.au) has left #TISMLive (Netchick) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <cyclonic> DAMN SLOW connection... *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> kill root.... *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <VoLt> muwhahaha <VoLt> how <VoLt> you all on win95 <Vort_X> fuck off Root..u aint smart... <VoLt> i only one with linux <VoLt> ill fuck you all up *** ^Medea^ changes topic to 'r00t_ is a fucking cunt...' *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <VoLt> when you nuke me *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) * TiSmLoVeR takes out high powered rife and shoots him dead <Kempo> To all those who have video - are any of you on 33.6 modems or less? *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> I cleared out of work early for this shit, fucking changed my life around for this one thing, and these fuckwits just wanna be smartarses...fuckwits! <^Medea^> WOO HOO! <Rooter> wow <Rooter> :) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) * TiSmLoVeR is 56 *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive * ^Medea^ slaps r00t_ around a bit with a large trout <VoLt> cyclonic <VoLt> time to die *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <TiSmLoVeR> but run at 33.6  tonight <VoLt> you also will need to reinstall windows <VoLt> what a day <hillary> Is anyone else just watching the video of the eye? <VoLt> time to die mtuher fucker *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <Vort_X> yep. <VoLt> vort-x *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <VoLt> you mirc user <VoLt> muwhahaha <kizmyaz> oh yeah. eye. <Kempo> Can't connect here. *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <VoLt> BitchX kicks ass *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <TisM> the eye is the only thing that's there at the moment ........don't worry, we're coming your way real soon <Vort_X> yep..don't mess with me..... *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <barry2> can't connect either * ^Medea^ beats VoLt over the head with a baseball bat...DON'T YOU TOUCH HIM! *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <cyclonic> ^Medea^ ta baby....*kiss* <VoLt> medea *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <VoLt> i allready is checking *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (r00t_) <cyclonic> where is a fucking op for this room? *** ^d00bie^ (d00bie@dynamic92_7.riv.csu.edu.au) has joined #tismlive <TiSmLoVeR> some one walk past camera *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive <barry2> tismlover: have you been able to connect to the sandpit server? <TiSmLoVeR> yep <barry2> tismlover: what connection do you have? *** SamScrotu (johnmc@203.14.103.167) has joined #tismlive <VoLt> cya fuckers *** Freshy (moorella@dialup-m1-58.Sale.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive <VoLt> cya fuckers <VoLt> cya fuckers <^Medea^> Anyone else getting the server alert from their RealPlayer? <r00t_> cya fuyckwit muther fuckers all winblows faggots <r00t_> cya fuyckwit muther fuckers all winblows faggots <hillary> i'm getting the same video clip again <r00t_> cya fuyckwit muther fuckers all winblows faggots <Vort_X> me too. <r00t_> cya fuyckwit muther fuckers all winblows faggots <^Medea^> Wow...big words for a prick.... <KickiTT> i'm getting the video as well *** the_fiend has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <FunkyGroo> keep it up root and someone will boot you out the door *** hogie (~user@infinite1-27.inf.net.au) has joined #tismlive <Vort_X> why don't someone do it now.. *** r00t_ has quit IRC (Excess Flood) *** r00t_ (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** r00t_ is now known as Uh1Qu6Gh2 *** cyclonic has quit IRC (Leaving) <VoLt> fuckers *** Victims (dey@b1-61.melbpc.org.au) has joined #tismlive *** tattsmann has quit IRC (Leaving) <Victims> Hi All <Vort_X> howdy victims.. *** Kempo has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <Uh1Qu6Gh2> fuckers you are all lame tism suck you and your muther fucker gay ass friends on here grow up and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res <Uh1Qu6Gh2> fuckers you are all lame tism suck you and your muther fucker gay ass friends on here grow up and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res <VoLt> blah <Uh1Qu6Gh2> fuckers you are all lame tism suck you and your muther fucker gay ass friends on here grow up and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res <Uh1Qu6Gh2> fuckers you are all lame tism suck you and your muther fucker gay ass friends on here grow up and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res *** Kempo (jasonk@bne87.thehub.com.au) has joined #tismlive <VoLt> mwuahhahahahahaahahahah <Uh1Qu6Gh2> fuckers you are all lame tism suck you and your muther fucker gay ass friends on here grow up and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res *** Luke (mage@ppp19.alexia.net.au) has joined #tismlive <VoLt> got nothing to say now <Uh1Qu6Gh2> fuckers you are all lame tism suck you and your muther fucker gay ass friends on here grow up and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res <Uh1Qu6Gh2> fuckers you are all lame tism suck you and your muther fucker gay ass friends on here grow up and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res <kizmyaz> don't they have anything else to do? <Uh1Qu6Gh2> fuckers you are all lame tism suck you and your muther fucker gay ass friends on here grow up and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res *** Kempo (jasonk@bne87.thehub.com.au) has left #tismlive (Kempo) <Uh1Qu6Gh2> fuckers you are all lame tism suck you and your muther fucker gay ass friends on here grow up and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res * TiSmLoVeR thinks this just ad time for tism <Uh1Qu6Gh2> fuckers you are all lame tism suck you and your muther fucker gay ass friends on here grow up and enjoy the fucking funy flood wh0res *** cyclonic (matyar@dial107.nettrek.com.au) has joined #tismlive <kizmyaz> very odd. <PunkyFunk> Change Channel to #tismlive1 *** Uh1Qu6Gh2 has quit IRC (Excess Flood) * SamScrotu slaps Uh1Qu6Gh2 around a bit with a large trout <TiSmLoVeR> do you think we will really talk to them. <Vort_X> no..they won't be in here... *** Netchick (NS1@nick.fan.net.au) has joined #TISMLive <cyclonic> back again.... *** the-fiend (turner23@animal.thehub.com.au) has joined #tismlive <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 *** the-fiend (turner23@animal.thehub.com.au) has left #tismlive (the-fiend) *** hogie (~user@infinite1-27.inf.net.au) has left #tismlive (hogie) *** Vort_X (bidner@dialup19.gl.hardnet.com.au) has left #tismlive (Vort_X) *** Kempo (jasonk@bne87.thehub.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** Ron (budgeman@dialup-t1-115.Melbourne.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> I need beer. *** VoLt (r00t@slalb2p19.ozemail.com.au) has left #tismlive (VoLt) <PunkyFunk> we got plenty here *** Bevan (~bevan@sungear.mame.mu.OZ.AU) has joined #tismlive <cyclonic> good! <KickiTT> wow, the video again, how exciting. . . <KickiTT> <yawn> <Kempo> Whats with the vid - are they just repeating the music clip? <cyclonic> luv them beeps... *** BobbyJ (~jasonp@willi1.lnk.telstra.net) has joined #tismlive <Kempo> Everybody sing! * ^Medea^ giggles at cyclonic...hee hee! * TiSmLoVeR thinks all a great hoax,just like tiam * TiSmLoVeR oops Tism <Luke> who was at the gig on sunday? <^Medea^> I can't see nuthin yet! *pout* RP is being a cunt! *pout* <^d00bie^> same, same.. <TiSmLoVeR> was at saturadys in sydney <cyclonic> rebuffering... <^d00bie^> "your network bandwidth is not fast enough" <^Medea^> Doobie-Yep....same old shit! *sigh* <Luke> what can I do to increase my bandwidth? <^d00bie^> hey!! <kizmyaz> i am no longer getting eye <^d00bie^> i know.. <^d00bie^> go to the realplayer preferences... *** Freshy has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <KickiTT> Why are they playing the karaoke version??? <Luke> cool thanks <^d00bie^> and adjust the device you're using.. <Kempo> It's the Satan version! <^Medea^> there is a preferences on Realplayer? <^d00bie^> say, to a t1/LAN.. ;) *** barry2 has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 <^d00bie^> mash control s <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 *** ^d00bie^ (d00bie@dynamic92_7.riv.csu.edu.au) has left #tismlive (^d00bie^) <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 *** Elvis2 (elvis@129.94.144.111) has joined #tismlive <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 <PunkyFunk> get off ppl, we've moved to #tismlive1 *** BobbyJ has quit IRC (Leaving) <^Medea^> WOW!  Cool!  Thanks Doobie! *HUGZ TIGHTLY!* *** Freshy (moorella@dialup-m1-6.Sale.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive <TiSmLoVeR> its time ppls *** Elvis2 (elvis@129.94.144.111) has left #tismlive (Elvis2) *** Marshal_L (~nrich@grunge170.nv.iinet.net.au) has joined #tismlive <FunkyGroo> we'll be a tad late ppl. <FunkyGroo> You're also on the wrong channel *** Kempo (jasonk@bne87.thehub.com.au) has left #tismlive (Kempo) <Luke> who is the official name? <FunkyGroo> goto to #tismlive1 for the real stuff *** Topic is 'Goto #tism or #tismlive1 for the real channel. minus flooders.' <King_Buzz> whats going on? *** Luke (mage@ppp19.alexia.net.au) has joined #tismlive *** ^Medea^ (+tism69@4pp120.radiant.net) has joined #tismlive <FunkyGroo> we're on #tismlive1, TISM won't be on this channel. MOVE IT *** Topic is 'http://www.tism.arc.net.au/live/live.html' *** Newbie is now known as barry1 *** Kittie (-redkitty@1Cust154.tnt22.chi5.da.uu.net) has joined #tismlive *** TiSmLoVeR has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer) <Netchick> Nothing is happening yet. *** woolfie (cafe@203.30.72.14) has joined #tismlive *** tattsmann (tattsmann@ME-A09-pool-214.tmns.net.au) has joined #tismlive <Kittie> I can't even get into it. <barry1> to all having probs with server message, start up RA and change the connection speed in the prefs to 33.6 or above *** barry1 is now known as barry <woolfie> >Adze <Kittie> So I should stop trying to view it in my browser? *** barry is now known as barry1 *** frog (~jago@kidsbook.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive *** kizmyaz (sehagell@t-cssc-4-4-p11.dialup.wisc.edu) has left #tismlive (kizmyaz) <PunkyFunk> ppl were now on #tismlive1 (/JOIN #tismlive1), that's where TISM will be too, real soon..., <PunkyFunk> ppl were now on #tismlive1 (/JOIN #tismlive1), that's where TISM will be too, real soon..., <Vort_X> ron would go for someone like that. <Vort_X> yay *** ^Medea^ (+tism69@4pp120.radiant.net) has joined #tismlive1 *** BobbyJ (~jasonp@willi1.lnk.telstra.net) has joined #tismlive1 <Kempo> Whats the background sound? <Gregabyte> ok <Gregabyte> where the fuck am i?? <Gregabyte> hohoh <hogie> bl**dy net congestion <Vort_X> sounds like they're having a party <^Medea^> Is anyone else seeing jsut the eye right now or is it just me?! *smile* <ashley> in fuckhouse <the-fiend> bloody realplayer for macs!!!! <Victims> Hi All *** Retrieving #tismlive1 info... *** BobbyJ has quit IRC (Leaving) <the-fiend> hey victim <Gregabyte> lamers <Vort_X> howdy Victimes *** Marshal_L (~nrich@grunge170.nv.iinet.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <the-fiend> (all your life.) <TiSmLoVeR> come on *** Luke (mage@ppp19.alexia.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 *** kizmyaz (sehagell@t-cssc-4-4-p11.dialup.wisc.edu) has joined #tismlive1 *** Gregabyte has quit IRC (Dead Socket) <TiSmLoVeR> we want tism <TiSmLoVeR> we want tism *** Freshy (moorella@dialup-m1-6.Sale.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Vort_X> we want tism aswell... *** Rooter (root@203.63.38.1) has joined #tismlive1 <FunkyGroo> who am i on this? <Freshy> my realplayer wont even work now <hillary> Are they at some release party??? <Luke> tism arer wankers clap clap clap clap clap *** HNB (User@203.21.6.27) has joined #tismlive1 <FunkyGroo> same stupid name <Rooter> Ki Kate <PunkyFunk> the boys are running a little late folks stay cool <Kempo> Cool - they're playing the non-karakoe version at the lauch (hear it in the background?) <the-fiend> it'yay!!!!!!! <the-fiend> whoohoo!!!!!! <ashley> you fuckers <TisM> we're coming............hang on...........TISM are typically late *** Gregabyte (kristof@134.184.254.13) has joined #tismlive1 *** Gregabyte has quit IRC (Leaving) <Vort_X> tism are always late... *** vikingboy (the_viking@modem80-syd-isp-2.one.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <hogie> i rushed home from work for this????? <the-fiend> yay big tism eye panel! (tm) *** bernard (paulmc@d11.syd2.zeta.org.au) has joined #tismlive1 <FunkyGroo> if you play close attention you can hear the whole album folks... <Vort_X> so who can smuggle me into some of the sydney gigs? *** cyclonic (matyar@dial107.nettrek.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <the-fiend> yes. yes you did <vikingboy> yoo all tism dudes] <cyclonic> yee haa! <Freshy> i cant hear a fucking thing...or see a fucking thing <TiSmLoVeR> hey that sudday tism gig what did they wear...??? <Freshy> my realplayer wont work <Bevan> same as saturday <Kempo> And what was Sat? <TiSmLoVeR> boring <kizmyaz> mine either, and i know it ain't my blessed gumputer *** Newbie (ircle@ME-A09-pool-210.tmns.net.au) has joined #TISMLIVE1 <Elvis2> what happened to tism live <HNB> yeah...what IS thew going costume these days? <hillary> white suits, bondage masks *** boBenasnI (sam@d1.cia.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <the-fiend> not bondage... <Kempo> Yup - same as Brisbane. <the-fiend> trust me.... not bondage.... <FunkyGroo> tismlive was mail-bombed <Elvis2> damn <^Medea^> Freshy-on RealPlayer choose "FILE" and Preferences and change the connection from 28.8 to T1/LAN! *** Alex1 (~sw@d058.Lisboa.EUnet.pt) has joined #tismlive1 <the-fiend> 23 second rebuffering!!!!?????? <Bevan> same as syney too, if those photos are right <cyclonic> ^Medea^ my love...*kiss* <Kempo> How many times did Ron get unmaksed down south?  3 times in Bris, plus another one who I was not sure of. <Rooter> heheh Kate is Great <Kempo> Yahoo <^Medea^> cyclonic my love! *HUG* <the-fiend> not again! guyz! <Vort_X> can anyone in here get to the mike to say hello to me.. * ^Medea^ showers cyclonic with kisses *KISS* *KISS* *KISS* *KISS* <PunkyFunk> you don't know how good I am yet .... *** King_Buzz (me@cport16.giant.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 * the-fiend throws bucket o cold water on med and cyc <cyclonic> ^Medea^...marry me.... * ^Medea^ blushes fiercly.... *** Alex1 (~sw@d058.Lisboa.EUnet.pt) has left #tismlive1 (Alex1) <TiSmLoVeR> even a test would be good to see if it is really happen <^Medea^> Think we can get Ron to marry us online?! *smile*  *KISS* hee hee! *** prouty (georgev@slip202-135-14-92.sy.au.ibm.net) has joined #tismlive1 <cyclonic> ta fiend! that'll slow the effects of the alcohol... <Freshy> thanks! <Freshy> its working <the-fiend> i'd hate to see you two doing it in a real mosh pit...... *** vikingboy (the_viking@modem80-syd-isp-2.one.net.au) has left #tismlive1 (vikingboy) *** MarkandCo (Markimus@203.32.71.138) has joined #tismlive1 *** Acehole (smeg@dialup-67.bris.corplink.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <cyclonic> Yes....the fiend, we've been discussing that actually.. * ^Medea^ nudges the-fiend <boBenasnI> FUCK , im gonna have to restart my computer *** boBenasnI has quit IRC (this is Ron Hitler Barrassi from TISM talking to Cris from the Breakfasters , Cr) <Kempo> Is anyone else's audio fading? <the-fiend> noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! <bernard> our modem is too slow for visuals. suckersssss <the-fiend> dear gohd! <Rooter> Currently over 500 connected to the Real Video <the-fiend> :) <hogie> nice head <^Medea^> hee hee! <the-fiend> you sick littel monkies! <Luke> yeah my audio is fading too <Freshy> a lot of net congestion <cyclonic> the fiend:it'd be good actually.... <hillary> yeah heaps on congestion <Freshy> and rebuffering all the time <SamScrotu> I get about two seconds of sound followed by 10 seconds of silence while it rebuffes *** vikingboy (the_viking@modem80-syd-isp-2.one.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Kempo> Ta Luke. *** guy-from- (eygenram@ppp15w.whyalla.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <^Medea^> kiss* *** ^Medea^ has quit IRC (Leaving) *** tattsmann (tattsmann@ME-A09-pool-214.tmns.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Vort_X> u guys have slooow connections i bet... <Acehole> so when is tism getting here <cyclonic> ^Medea^ bye my love.. <Freshy> how can u fix the re buffering problem? <Kempo> I'm getting constant audio, but vid is about 1 frame/10 seconds. <the-fiend> di see a sort of a head!!!! *** guy-from- is now known as eggy <Luke> tism are wankers clap clap clap clap clap <kizmyaz> 56k, thnks very much <Kempo> Then again, I am on the same backbone (connect.com.au) <the-fiend> damn this net thing! <kizmyaz> clap <Freshy> we want our ball back <bernard> you drink milk from a saucer you pussies <Freshy> the sound is crappy <eggy> fucking hell, it keeps dying <hogie> some time this week....fellas *** ^Medea^ (+tism69@4pp120.radiant.net) has joined #tismlive1 *** BobbyJ (~jasonp@willi1.lnk.telstra.net) has joined #tismlive1 <vikingboy> hjeard thatone before bernard <SamScrotu> vid 1 frame/ 10 seconds? I thought it was still picture! <Vort_X> funky..are you there with tism? <eggy> So haave they answered any questions or what? <Kempo> HOGIE: This week?  You're mistaken - next week! <cyclonic> I think they needed a faster server.. *** Clemash (~eric@bit59.zip.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 *** the-fiend changes topic to 'no tism.... yet!' <King_Buzz> scrotum <PunkyFunk> funkys still here tism aren't yet <Luke> I suggest we all quit typing and wait for an official wanker <Ron> MUA Here to stay <vikingboy> tism...tis...tism... <^Medea^> Freshy-Did you get what I said about the RealPlayer?  Did it work? *** the-fiend changes topic to 'soon people soon... learn to wait...' *** boBenasnI (sam@d33.cia.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <bernard> start the chant 'tism are fucked' <the-fiend> dang this rebuffering shit. is that us or them? <^Medea^> bernard-We're fucked for sitting here waiting for them! <Elvis2> "tism are zero" <cyclonic> might rush back to tismlive for a sec... <Acehole> elvis is dead my friend <Acehole> and he aint comin' back <Elvis2> maybe <Elvis2> or is he a member of TISM <the-fiend> same will be said about you in a minute.... <boBenasnI> THIS IS FUCK , i saw that guy doing sound checks , i saw that eye thing , and now when its live im getting fucken error messages <hogie> tism members aren't that fat <vikingboy> In not getting anything on video...says cpu not quick enough or server too slow...darn <eggy> Fuck my stupid browser~ <eggy> ! <Vort_X> mines working fine.... <boBenasnI> mine too <Elvis2> mine too <Vort_X> they better be on soon... <cyclonic> Elvis and Meatloaf we're the inspiration behind KFC all-you-can-eat bars... <hogie> mine too <Luke> tism are wankers clap clap clap clap clap <boBenasnI> but im on a Pentium II 266 <Luke> tism are wankers clap clap clap clap clap <the-fiend> elvis what can you see? <Doombu> so what sort of video we expecting? <MarkandCo> fuck this <Vort_X> x-files are on at 8:30..panel on at 9:30 and i don't wont the miss them both... <Ron> I'm a YOB <FunkyGroo> hehe <vikingboy> 486 dx666.. guess i should upgrade <Newbie> to all having probs with server message, start up RA and change the connection speed in the prefs to 33.6 or above <Elvis2> stll screen people walk in front occaisonally) <King_Buzz> They played it before *** ashley has quit IRC (Ping timeout) *** Newbie is now known as barry1 <FunkyGroo> fiosssssss <the-fiend> thats wednesday you stupid plonker.. it's tuesday..... *** TiSmLoVeR has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer) *** MarkandCo has quit IRC (well this went well - see y'all on the crap list) <FunkyGroo> petera <Vort_X> oh year.... <FunkyGroo> has <the-fiend> hey barry <Vort_X> but at this rate..we may miss them anyway.. <Vort_X> fuck..i need to cut down on the drugs. *** barry1 is now known as barry <FunkyGroo> has tism ever done an "unplugged" gig? <hogie> anyone get the feeling this is another patented TISM joke <the-fiend> that's what i always laguhed at.... i'm on *the* drug <Freshy> it was nice and quiet ;) <Acehole> or an "unmasked" gig <the-fiend> when it was about twenty.... <bernard> yeah Vort X doesn't that shit you - over before they appear *** barry is now known as barry1 <eggy> there would be no sound! <Luke> yeah, tism guarentee all their drum machines are plugged in <King_Buzz> I agree with Hogie I think they are taking the piss. <Doombu> while we're all sitting here, tism is stealing our women at the bar <HNB> tism w/out masks is like KISS w/out make-up *** TiSmLoVeR (number10@203.33.244.149) has joined #tismlive1 *** kizmyaz (sehagell@t-cssc-4-4-p11.dialup.wisc.edu) has left #tismlive1 (kizmyaz) <the-fiend> they probably weren't but they are now that it's not working.... <cyclonic> this is a joke.....they're taking the piss as usual... <the-fiend> make a joke out of how much bandwidth was wasted... <bernard> where's Lachy <Vort_X> still on #tismlive using Macbain <Doombu> I mean, who does a live broadcast over a 1200 baud modem <Vort_X> TISM <Victims> Lachy's a wanker! <cyclonic> WHERE'S LACHY!!!!!!!!!!!! *** BobbyJ (~jasonp@willi1.lnk.telstra.net) has left #tismlive1 (BobbyJ) <^Medea^> Anything interesting happening yet? <FunkyGroo> I have never seen johnny farnham and ron together at the same time??? <HNB> lachlan's prolly at home in beddy-byes <Luke> I heard laughter on the last rp bit I got?! <hogie> my ip provider has a 200MB limit, I think i am now up to 2GB.... <cyclonic> ^Medea^ tongue kiss........ *** Kempo has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <Elvis2> Lochy's gone home - he was just setting it up for mne <eggy> this sucks! <Vort_X> i got me a free connection + unlimited downloads...kewl. <Freshy> this must have cost TISM a fortune to do <vikingboy> did you all see the pics on the web page... sent them one of ron unmasked also though they didnt put it up... <KickiTT> damn Leo, get a room!  :) <hogie> my cats breath smells like cat food * ^Medea^ kisses cyclonic deeply <boBenasnI> so is this eye im seeing the live shit?????? <the-fiend> nah they convince some isp that as a one off promotional thing and get the record company to pay.... <^d00bie^> ja, it is.. *** Planet_N (jasonk@bne59.thehub.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Vort_X> vikingboy...send it to me...the pic of ron that is. <the-fiend> poor shock. <cyclonic> KickiTT :)..sorry!!! *** Kittie (-redkitty@1Cust154.tnt22.chi5.da.uu.net) has joined #tismlive1 <KickiTT> actually, no, let's get some cybersex action going in channel! <FunkyGroo> tism seem to have taken the wank theme to their heart, is this a statment on old age? *** Oxx (cjl@ppp025.bri.squirrel.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Planet_N> Is there a problem at the moment? <^Medea^> Viking-OOH!  Send it to me! <eggy> so is this realplayer image i'm seeing the live shti?? *** prouty has quit IRC (Leaving) <hillary> so far yes eggy <eggy> hey it's an eye! isn't that a drawing from the comic? <bernard> it cost fuck all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <PunkyFunk> no problem... tism are just running a little late .... stay cool ... <Kittie> Wow, you get to see it? <^Medea^> bo-Yeah..I guess!  Does it say live in the top right corner? <Freshy> its the banner that was at the merchandise stand <hogie> vikingboy, if you are in the sending mood, send me a copy of that pic.... <cyclonic> hell, KickiTT thats a good idea! They're all probably here watching, so lets give TISm a show! <^d00bie^> c'mon, at least make the picture fucking move :) <eggy> punkyfunk > what is your real name? <^d00bie^> or interesting.. *** reddy (redman@dialup-t1-274.Melbourne.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 *** tattsmann has quit IRC (Leaving) <FunkyGroo> who makes those fab threads? <Planet_N> Is anyone else not able to connect to the host? <eggy> oh the picture moves a little bit <Kittie> I can't <the-fiend> yeah lets show them! lets all git nekid and fuck and not talk to them!!!!! <King_Buzz> Hurry the fuck up Tism I unplugged my mothers life support system for this <eggy> if this doesn't get interesting... <Vort_X> yeeeehaaaaa <Luke> tism are wankers clap clap clap clap clap <the-fiend> or maybe not.... ;) <Luke> tism are wankers clap clap clap clap clap <KickiTT> Kingbuzz  LOL! <^d00bie^> it's an eye.... *** reddy (redman@dialup-t1-274.Melbourne.netspace.net.au) has left #tismlive1 (reddy) <Vort_X> i unplugged my lifesupport for this. <^d00bie^> hang on.. *** frog (~jago@kidsbook.ozemail.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 *** Netchick (NS1@nick.fan.net.au) has joined #TISMLive1 <^d00bie^> where'd it go? <Planet_N> Luke: Were you at the Brisbane concert?  ;-) <Luke> who was at the gig on sunday, you might have seen me <^d00bie^> it changed color.. <King_Buzz> Lol? <Luke> yes i was <^Medea^> Hmmmm...... <the-fiend> aieeee!!!! such newbies.... <FunkyGroo> so, who makes your fab fucking threads? <^d00bie^> someone's got their hand over the lense.. <Victims> is anyone logged into this channel actually at the site where the netcast is being held from? <Vort_X> they should be on real soon <boBenasnI> i have a question for tism or anyone else: IS MARALYN MANSON THE PAUL GUY FROM 'the wonder years'????? <Luke> and the melb one on sunday <the-fiend> laughing out loud...... <cyclonic> I unplugged something for this.....can't remember what it was tho... <Kittie> LOL = "Laughing Out Loud" * PunkyFunk slaps eggy around a bit with a large trout <the-fiend> no!!! no he fucking isnt!!!!!! <bernard> i got a babysitter for this <King_Buzz> cool <hogie> thanks vikingboy!!!!! <the-fiend> maryljust a loser.... <TisM> Hi everyone.............we're coming at you in about 5 minutes <Doombu> I took the night off work to watch this <the-fiend> yay! <Kittie> Okay. <PunkyFunk> we're sitting in the room where the guys will be real soon   <Elvis2> beliebe that when we see it TISM * the-fiend does dance of happy tism <eggy> about fucking time! <vikingboy> ya getting it vortx <eggy> im' gonna get grounded if my dad gets home =( *** RonBarass (budgeman@dialup-t1-115.Melbourne.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Vort_X> yeah <eggy> awwwwwwww! <the-fiend> gah! my realplayer isn't connecting! <PunkyFunk> stay cool and maybe you will see it <Luke> tism are wankers clap clap clap clap clap <eggy> and im sippossed to be in bed at 930!! <Planet_N> Is ANYONE getting constant audio? <Kittie> Thanks for the tip, whoever said to go into their prefs and change the bandwidth.   I can see now! <Elvis2> no <the-fiend> let alone vid. <eggy> ?NNNNN0 * ^Medea^ apologixes to KickiTT....*smile* <Bevan> yes <Elvis2> vid OK - audio scratchy <Vort_X> thanks Viking... <cyclonic> not getting any vid... <the-fiend> i got picci! yay! <eggy> i see the fac moving a bit... <King_Buzz> *wanks* <Vort_X> greatshot...why didn't they publish *** barry1 has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <^d00bie^> mooooooooove the camera so i can see that it's working!!!! * the-fiend wanks harder <KickiTT> That's ok Medea, keep going, I think we need to liven up the channel a bit. . .! *** Ron has quit IRC (Leaving) *** RonBarass has quit IRC (Leaving) <Kittie> From <barry1> to all having probs with server message, start up RA and change the connection speed in the prefs to 33.6 or above <cyclonic> smiles at KickiTT, then rushes over and gropes ^Medea^ <Luke> I have given up on Rp too slow *** Acehole has quit IRC (Even the blind can see the degeneration of our society) <Victims> any of the North <the-fiend> i have it set for lan... what the hell.... <^Medea^> Whoa!  The eye is all blurred...I'm either stoned, drunk, both, or the connection is buggered... <Victims> any of the North Americans from crap@suburbia here? <Vort_X> we have a head <KickiTT> A HEAD!  A HEAD! <Elvis2> whoa <Luke> planet_N see me on Priv channel <bernard> can i take my ecky yet? <Vort_X> yay <^d00bie^> and shoulders.. * ^Medea^ looks around...wy is it so quiet in here people? <^d00bie^> g'wan, look at the camera and wave, ya know ya wanna..... *** reddy (redman@dialup-t1-274.Melbourne.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Luke> tism are wankers clap clap clap clap clap <Vort_X> large void between us Medea <Kittie> Because it's 3:50 in the damn morning for me.... <the-fiend> brave soul.... <Bevan> nar-har <KickiTT> Kittie - now that's dedication for ya <boBenasnI> WHERE ARE YOU KITTIE?????/ *** HNB has quit IRC (Leaving) <cyclonic> i'm a yob.... <Bevan> i'm a wanker * Kittie is a stupid American in Duh Moinez, Iowa <King_Buzz> Ima fucking cunt <Bevan> buts thats neither her nor there <Vort_X> i'm a cunt *** mashers (~eric@clemash.fl.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <cyclonic> OOOOppppppps RP just died... <Doombu> I drive a truck <hogie> get out the way *** woolfie (cafe@203.30.72.14) has joined #tismlive1 <Luke> Punkyfunk how are they going, there yet? <TiSmLoVeR> whois that man? *** GrrrRich (~richard@203.9.190.18) has joined #tismlive1 <Planet_N> I'm interested in apathy <the-fiend> i'm a yo!bker <Elvis2> me too <King_Buzz> I'll 'Ave ya <FunkyGroo> turn up your simulcast and hear the album folks!  (And a whole lot of murky shmoozing.) <Freshy> they are probably not even gonna turn up <Luke> I was interested by now I wont bother *** ^Medea^ has quit IRC (Leaving) <woolfie> So am I? <boBenasnI> imy dads a builder *** frog is now known as Kelpie242 <Elvis2> my dad's a plumber <Planet_N> I'm a bogan baby, always was... <hogie> if your creative get f**ked <cyclonic> his friends are plumbers... <the-fiend> dang still got another thirty to get rid of before comfort level kicks in... <Vort_X> i'm getting cancer....and u can get fucked. <Elvis2> they're getting cancer <woolfie> I'm interested in Springvale? *** chubby (chubby@SY-A14-pool-224.tmns.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <King_Buzz> This is serious mum hurry the fuck up <the-fiend> oh say fucked you fucker! *** ^Medea^ (+tism69@4pp120.radiant.net) has joined #tismlive1 <bernard> sound like some 70's glam band <boBenasnI> imagine how i felt....... <Rooter>  Kate Kate kiss Me Kate <vikingboy> you can get stuffed <eggy> theres a guy! <TiSmLoVeR> wonder if PETER Rieth is here <FunkyGroo> can I swear too you cunts? <Kelpie242> Is any1 else get image yet? <Elvis2> screen's gone black <woolfie> If you're creative! <TisM> ok everyone here we go.............ready ??? <TisM> Hello, <TisM> My name is David Williams and I'm the head of Shock Records. <TisM> I'd like to warmly welcome you all along to this evenings function, the launch of the brand new TISM album, www.tism.wanker.com. <hogie> not the video again... <TisM> I'd like to explain a little of how this evening will work. <TisM> We will have TISM here live at the Hi Fi Bar and virtually present at both Well Connected in Glebe and on your computer screen. *** Clemash has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <Kittie> Shit.  It moves, at least, then it bufferes some more. <TisM> TISM will NOT answer any question put to them verbally. Some hundreds of questions have been emailed prior to tonights event and we welcome questions via the terminals here at the Hi Fi bar and at Well Conn <cyclonic> yipee!! <FunkyGroo> Here comes David Williams.... <bernard> yeah Peter where the fuck are you. YOU CUNT <Freshy> i wonder if Rex Hunt is there <PunkyFunk> you're such as dag sometimes pete <eggy> thanks, Tism. we appreciate <Vort_X> yay <KickiTT> who's this freak? <Vort_X> hello person *** bernard was kicked by PunkyFunk (PunkyFunk) *** HNB (User@203.21.6.11) has joined #tismlive1 <hogie> 'bout friggin time... <Elvis2> let's go <Kittie> Hey!  Dammit!  I didn' think of any questions! <Vort_X> davide <^Medea^> WOO HOO! <eggy> some dude is in fron't of the camera! move ya butthead! <hogie> ron's looking pretty sick... *** bernard (paulmc@d11.syd2.zeta.org.au) has joined #tismlive1 <woolfie> Where can I get batteries for my TISM brain mask? <Vort_X> hahaha <Kittie> I've never even seen this group.... <hogie> he said wanker... <eggy> i heard some music. wow <vikingboy> yeah doesnt he <woolfie> Missin out buddie! <cyclonic> ^Medea^ *kiss* my love... <Vort_X> he said .com <eggy> well tism where are ya? * ^Medea^ kisses cyclonic <TisM> We welcome questions also from those of you propped in front of your screens at home. All questions have equal priority however TISM will answer only the questions they feel loike answering, if any at all. <KickiTT> Who the fuck are you, baldy man?  That's my question! *** RonBarass (budgeman@dialup-t1-115.Melbourne.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Elvis2> yay <Vort_X> it's david...someone.. *** ms (mandy@droga.cm.deakin.edu.au) has joined #tismlive1 <boBenasnI> who's the suit <hogie> he said that but i didn't see himtype it.... <HNB> isn't he the head of shock? <Kittie> Oh.  Okay.  THanks, TISM <eggy> um, will you Pre -1986 albums ever be released <woolfie> Go ronnie boy! <Vort_X> TISM - We Love Jack Holt...we know who u are. <^Medea^> President of Shock Records.PAY ATTENTION! <Luke> it's not carl thats for sure <TisM> It has now been three years since the last TISM album, Machiavelli and the Four Seasons was released. An enormously successful album, Machiavelli is now just short of Platinum and TISM are firmly established as Shock's most popular act. Following a series of tours and a years hibernation TISM started work on their Magnum Opus. The record TISM presented six months ago featured a new socially aware TISM. The message this new sharing, caring TISM seem <Elvis2> magnum opus? <KickiTT> Is that Jack's dad???? <Vort_X> his mum. <hogie> how does he do that??? <eggy> vort_X si fucking what, don't diss em <boBenasnI> Shock musnt have many good acts <TisM> TISm have returned with an album that delivers 100%. www.tism.wanker.com is chock full of wanking, rooting and gratuitous foul language - a certified hit! <TisM> So there you have it...not so much the sound of one hand clapping as the sound of one hand cupping, then sliding up inside the shirt to the armpit when the air is expelled in a frenzy of orgasmic delight. I give you the true men of the nineties, Ron Hitler Barassi and Humphrey B. Flaubert, please welcome TISM! *** tattsmann (tattsmann@ME-A09-pool-214.tmns.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <the-fiend> yay! <KickiTT> YES YES YES!!!!!!!! <Elvis2> yay <hogie> he said rooting * KickiTT claps furiously <Freshy> wooohooo * ^Medea^ laughs hysterically WOOOOOO HOOOOOO! <Vort_X> he said they were men <woolfie> What about my brain mask! I need batteries! <cyclonic> welcome TISM...and witness some cybersex if you dare..*smiling at ^Medea^ *** vikingboy has quit IRC (Leaving) <Vort_X> into the mike boys <TisM> give us your questions now. <cyclonic> sorry... * ^Medea^ *~winks~* at cyclonic <Vort_X> TISM: where's Jack Holt <the-fiend> brb <boBenasnI> why do they have things on their heads???? <Vort_X> aks Joch Cheese <Kittie> How many different csotumes have you guys gone through? <FunkyGroo> your costumes are brill - who makes your threads?? <woolfie> What sort of batteries fit my TISM brain mask? <Freshy> how did u guys get started? <hogie> they have the same amount of hair as the baldy man <eggy> Will your PRE 1986 albums be released! and where they ever released like some wanker told me. <Doombu> how do a bunch of clueless turds from Springvale make albums like yours? <KickiTT> gET FUCKED BALDY MAN! <Kittie> Is anyone taping this? *** vikingboy (the_viking@modem80-syd-isp-2.one.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Vort_X> i'm not taping. <FunkyGroo> Is it true that tism wank on stage? <Elvis2> is the red-head the leader? <bernard> it's like rock & roll wrestling <eggy> KickiTT if it weren't for the baldy man, tism wouldn't be, most likely <hogie> are you guys planning to come to perth <woolfie> I was born in Springvale mutherfucker! *** the_fiend (turner23@g3.thehub.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <^Medea^> HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN ALL THE AMATEUR TISM SITES ON THE NET YET??!? <the_fiend> ahhhh  much better <Vort_X> TISM: Wheres JACK. <KickiTT> Communicate this, Humphrey! <Kittie> I heard Ron stripped nekid at a concert recently.... * KickiTT grabs his crotch <Luke> shut up and let them talk you yobs! <Vort_X> flash us RON <boBenasnI> FUCK NET CONGESTION <TiSmLoVeR> have you been in any other movie that holiday on the river yarra *** BobbyJ (~jasonp@willi1.lnk.telstra.net) has joined #tismlive1 <Kelpie242> What made you want to work with James Cameron on TITANIC? <woolfie> It true! Mr forskin <hogie> answer the god damn questions!!!!!! * ^Medea^ slaps PunkyFunk around a bit with a large trout <eggy> IS THE ADELAIDE SHOW ALL AGES?????!?!? PLEASE MAKE IT ALL AGES! AND I DO NOT MEAN THE ROYAL ADELAIDE SHOW, I MEAN YOUR PERFORMANCE WITH THE GURG. <cyclonic> *lmao* quiet guys, their brain cpacity can't handle all these Q's... <^Medea^> OOPS!  Sorry! PunkyFunk! that was meant for Kickitt! <boBenasnI> are you going back on HEy HEy Its Saturday <the_fiend> bad boy bugbby! get with it tismlover!!! <Luke> shut up! <Vort_X> my realaudio just fucked up. <TiSmLoVeR> sorry <hogie> are you guys planning on coming to perth?????????? <eggy> will the machiavelli video ever come out? <Kelpie242> What was the best thing about Kate Winslett? <hogie> yes we have you toss <FunkyGroo> where's the cow? <Kelpie242> Is it true Leonardo DeCaprio is bald? <boBenasnI> IS THAT TONY MARTIN?????????? <the_fiend> WHAT THE HELL IS A CLICKCLACK!!!!!!!!!! <hogie> yay baldy man *** powa1 (~jameslsmi@203.30.72.12) has joined #tismlive1 <TisM> Is it true that tism wank on stage? Dear sir / madam, but we all know it's sir.... <Vort_X> Are you doing any All ages gigs <boBenasnI> it sounded like TONY MARTIN <Kittie> Unfortunately, I'm missing all the commentary.... <eggy>  click, click , click , click, click, click <King_Buzz> Do some people want to get off so I can enjoy this? <eggy> thats basically a click track <Freshy> I hope Mick Molloy turns up *** powa1 is now known as wellonnec <cyclonic> ^Medea^ *kiss* <TisM> What made you want to work with James Cameron on TITANIC? Leonardo Di Caprio reminds me creepily of Burt Newton <hogie> is a poof <Rooter> Liven it up Guys c heck it out ! * ^Medea^ kisses cyclonic <woolfie> can you say hello to the sydney well connected cafe please? <eggy> heheh! that was funny <KickiTT> Ron, why do you bleach your hair? <Vort_X> shut up wankers <Rooter> rooster today feather duster tommorow ! <KickiTT> Ron, why do you bleach your hair? <eggy> Can you please tell eggy's dad to fuck off ?? he's a fucking wanker. <^Medea^> WOO HOO! BEN! *smile*  HA HA HA! <Vort_X> they said my name <Kittie> So, are the ski masks the favourite outfit? <hogie> how do they manage to type the answer before they say it?? <KickiTT> Go the VORT! *** BobbyJ (~jasonp@willi1.lnk.telstra.net) has left #tismlive1 (BobbyJ) * TiSmLoVeR do have flim contacts <Victims> Did you like your Victims t-shirt Ron? <Rooter> Kate Kate Kiss Me ! <hillary> Is this your most pathetic promotional stunt so far? <TisM>  will the machiavelli video ever come out? Dear eggy, you're obviously aware of the latent homosexuality  of the Machiavelli video, clearly the Machiavellie video will come out only when Wayne Carey does *** fgjmtgfu (phoenix@203.30.72.13) has joined #tismlive1 <Vort_X> go on Ron strip for us... <Vort_X> go on <FunkyGroo> why have john farnham and ron never been seen in the same room together? *** reddy has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <KickiTT> Are you guys on the mailing list? <Vort_X> please u sussies. <KickiTT> Are you guys on the mailing list? * Kittie wishes she were at work on her t1 connection.... *** the-fiend has quit IRC *** Oxx has quit IRC (Leaving) <woolfie> what are your favourite colours? <KickiTT> Do you guys read the mailing list? *** fgjmtgfu is now known as Flaubert *** sdw (~s.watt@dialup-2B95.mpx.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Luke> hey tism what did you think of the wanker down the front on sunday with the mask on? <eggy> What happened to the Junk mail list!!!! i haven't got anything for ages? <KickiTT> Do you guys read the TISM mailing list? <cyclonic> *lmao* <the_fiend> my god. i heard three words then... <Freshy> hey TISM: how did u guys get started?? <chubby> my god i heard 4 <King_Buzz> Stop fucking with the camera it is fucking up the RA <eggy> is this being filmed for video release? <Flaubert> Did you achieve your proficiency with proper nouns through reading book sleeves? <KickiTT> Do you guys read the TISM mailing list? <hogie> do you guys plan on comming to perth in the near future?????????????????????????/ <woolfie> is it true you're touring with Regurgitator in July <^d00bie^> do you think i might be a cunt but im not a fucking cunt should be aired on commercial radio, or should it continue with it's low-key airtime as budget restaurant elevator music? <^Medea^> KEEP THE CAMERA STILL! <KickiTT> Ron, why do you bleach your hair? *** Acehole (smeg@dialup-67.bris.corplink.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <TisM>  Do some people want to get off so I can enjoy this? Dear King Buzz, what is your home phone number Wayne Careys is 6666 <Kittie> I've been on the mailing list for three days, don't really read it.... <Luke> shut up everyone and let them answer! *** james (Mary@203.30.72.8) has joined #tismlive1 <woolfie> would you rather be wrestlers or rock stars <FunkyGroo> Why is my primary school (Amstel Primary) on the cover of Beasts of Suburban? <eggy> WILL THE ADELAIDE CONCERT BE ALL AGES? * ^Medea^ is pissing herself laughing on the floor <cyclonic> TISM: I think Wayne Carey and Ian Roberts would make a good couple...thoughts? <eggy> please answer =( <RonBarass> how's your relationship eith Ken Done? <Vort_X> will sydnet be all ages <hillary> Is this your most pathetic promotional stunt so far? <Kittie> SHIT.  Real Player just crashed.... <eggy> is anyone getting a constant stream? of audio at least? <Vort_X> Strip ron u bastard <Elvis2> yes, but vid has become a still <chubby> i from alternate base radio show and we are goning to play your new single on our show in sydney <Luke> tism! what did you think of the wanker down the front on sunday with the mask on? <KickiTT> YEAH RON, STRIP <^Medea^> RON!!! GET NAKED!!!! <james> fuck off <KickiTT> STRIP RON!!! <james> fuck off *** Pagan (~steve@203.34.59.115) has joined #tismlive1 <james> fuck off <KickiTT> FUCKING FLASH THAT SCHLONG! <james> fuck off <Vort_X> Strip ron u lanky sussy bastard <james> fuck off <Acehole> 9TISM 9HAVE 9YOU 9CONSIDERED 9A 9STRIP 9SHOWS? <james> fuck off *** james was kicked by PunkyFunk (PunkyFunk) <Victims> RON: Did you like your Victims t-shirt? (and did your MUM like hers?) <james> fuck off <cyclonic> I'm getting naked with ^Medea^..... <hogie> james you toss <FunkyGroo> Are TISM plannning to tour the rootin' usa? someday soon. *** james (Mary@203.30.72.8) has joined #tismlive1 <woolfie> do your mums go to the shows, or are they too ashamed <KickiTT> JIGGLE THAT SCROTUM, RON! <Kittie> Why in the WORLD do you want him to strip so badly? * ^Medea^ slaps james around a bit with a large trout *** james was kicked by PunkyFunk (PunkyFunk) <boBenasnI> WHY DONT THEY SHOW THIS ON TV *** james (Mary@203.30.72.8) has joined #tismlive1 <eggy> Is HBF really in fact Elliot Goblet?? * ^Medea^ giggfles at cyclonic.... <woolfie> pleeeeaaasee tell me who you are.... <james> how long must a mans legs be? <Acehole> lol <TisM> how do they manage to type the answer before they say it?? Dear Hogie, There is a metafictional element to this - like the Mavis's   ( the Mavii) we break the rules. Here we're talking thru' a modern technology and yet in many ways via a traditional form. <Kelpie242> I don't want to see Ron strip <reflective pause> Or do I? *** Netchick (NS1@nick.fan.net.au) has left #TISMLive1 (Netchick) *** nelson (Wintermute@203.30.72.9) has joined #tismlive1 <vikingboy> is the cover of fucking cunt single taken from the mimi wideo?? <Acehole> bwwwhaha <Vort_X> WHO CARES...WE WANT RON NAKED <Vort_X> WHO CARES...WE WANT RON NAKED <the_fiend> ok in case no one has annoticed they are talking to the camersa!!!! not on the chan.... <cyclonic> cyclonic giggles at Medea....kisses her.. <Luke> hey tism, since I am the only one asking the questions! <Vort_X> WHO CARES...WE WANT RON NAKED <james> bwwwbha <KickiTT> RON NAKED *** vikingboy was kicked by PunkyFunk (PunkyFunk) <Vort_X> WHO CARES...WE WANT RON NAKED <Rooter> Where's Devo <KickiTT> RON'S SCHLONG *** Joe^ (n@203.30.72.2) has joined #tismlive1 * ^Medea^ slaps Vort_X around a bit with a large trout <Vort_X> WHO CARES...WE WANT RON NAKED <james> we want ron naked <Rooter> Are we Not Men <woolfie> no, NO we don't want Ron Naked - haven't we seen it all before? <Elvis2> were you inspired by the Mimi vide? <^Medea^> CHILL VORT!   *** Vort_X was kicked by PunkyFunk (PunkyFunk) <Rooter> Mongoloid <james> no <KickiTT> We are TISM <Luke> what did you think of the wanker down the front at sundays gig? <Kittie> Can he still answer questions and be nekkid at the same time? <Victims> RON: Did you like your Victims t-shirt? (and did your MUM like hers?) <james> he's a wanker <Luke> with the mask on *** vikingboy (the_viking@modem80-syd-isp-2.one.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Kelpie242> TISM, do you use post modernism as a legitimate mode of zeitgesity expression, or rather a hip bi-word to lure self important Generation WHy'ers? *** Joe^ is now known as revulva *** Vort_X (bidner@dialup19.gl.hardnet.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <james> no <eggy> are you going to type answers? some of us can''t here you <james> yes <james> no <GrrrRich> come on, admit that your public performances are psychosexual at heart, tism <james> yes <james> arrrrgggggghhhhh <Planet_N> Why do I get the feeling they're only asking questions from people at a certain cyber cafe, and not the email questions? <woolfie> are you really devo and that's why you wear the masks? <Flaubert> TISM, do you realise that the people who are typing the questions can't see the answers to those questions? <Doombu> I just want to know what drugs Tism take <KickiTT> RON, CAN YOU SLEEP WITH MY SISTER??? <Kittie> I don't think they can spell, can they? <james> devgo *** BULO (wellcon@203.30.72.3) has joined #tismlive1 <cyclonic> TISM: I think Wayne Carey and Ian Roberts would make a good couple...thoughts? <HNB> who do i have to root to get backstage? <FunkyGroo> after the great job you did with Les Murray, whose nationality will you now question? <Acehole> 0,1TISM 0,1SAY 0,1MY 0,1NICK!!!! 0,1ON 0,1THE VIEW <TisM>  hey tism what did you think of the wanker down the front on sunday with the mask on? I spent a lot of time with that wanker andI found him to be a most misunderstood person.When he raised his middle finger at the band he was signifying the music indutrys attitude to what essentially is a joke . When he yelled suck the turds out of ,my dogs arse. he was signifying that he was an executive in the music industry. <TisM> Yours sincerely Kylie Mingue <the_fiend> this better go on the site... that's all i say.... <Kittie> I don't think they do drugs... I think they're fucked up on their own. * ^Medea^ is rolling on the floor laughing her ass off...and naked with cyclonic.... <KickiTT> HUMPHREY, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY WEB PAGE???? <Vort_X> Ron don't root my dog again..i'll call the cops. * hillary asks Will TISM every write another book? <GrrrRich> and that your tight sweaty masks are a suggestion of you fetish for sheep in lycra <KickiTT> RON, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY WEB PAGE??? <boBenasnI> THIS IS SHIT *** boBenasnI has quit IRC (this is Ron Hitler Barrassi from TISM talking to Cris from the Breakfasters , Cr) * TiSmLoVeR wants to know if you are going to be in any movies or your songs <revulva> Considering the hidden nature of your bonces and the obvious corollary that can, and is, drawn to Kiss, why are you not humgous worldwide with a range omerchandise that rivals Spice? <eggy> tism. why are their '9' aliaes, 7 members, and 3 (usually two) representatives? Is it something to do with your pacemakers, giving in? <Vort_X> stay away from my dog <james> yes this is shit *** ^Medea^ has quit IRC (Leaving) <woolfie> is it true Keanu Reeves went to your sydney gig to kick the shit out of you after the River Phoenix song? <james> no <Luke> hey guys TISM guess what the wanker was me! yes I had that mask on and I'm proud! <Acehole> 0,1WILL 0,1TISM 0,1EVER 0,1DO 0,1A 0,1SLOLO 0,1WITH 0,1 HILLARY 0,1CLINTON??? <the_fiend> TISM! WHAT IS A CLICK CLACK? <Flaubert> If religion is the opiate of the people are you the suppository of the rock world? <Kittie> Are there only two members in this group?  Of do I need a faster connection? <cyclonic> cyclonic is Laughing his arse out naked with ^Medea^ <vikingboy> do you guys use an atari st *** Freshy has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <Kelpie242> TISM, do you use post modernism as a legitimate mode of zeitgesity expression, or rather a hip bi-word to lure self important Generation WHy'ers? <nelson> we have vision of you unmasked in an airport. what will you pay us to keep your identities secret?? *** ^Medea^ (+tism69@4pp120.radiant.net) has joined #tismlive1 <nelson> from lachie's spies <Vort_X> Where's Jock Cheese - screwing ya mothers..tsktsk Jack. *** RonBarass has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <Elvis2> Will there be any live performance tonight, or just Q&A? <TisM>  do you think i might be a cunt but im not a fucking cunt should be aired on commercial radio, or should it continue with it's low-key airtime as budget restaurant elevator music? Dear Doobie, we feel that our single I Might Be A Cunt but No t a fucking cunhas been misinterpterpretted. We also feel that if you're called Doobie, what do you call your pets?? <james> 54321 <woolfie> how much longer do you plan to keep the masks on? <Flaubert> If I were a carpenter and you were my lady, would you marry me anyway? <KickiTT> TISM, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF LACHLAN McMEAD? <eggy> what happened to tony coitus? <james> steps *** Netchick (NS1@nick.fan.net.au) has joined #TISMLive1 <Vort_X> Lachys a spank. *** ^Medea^ has quit IRC (Leaving) *** CL0SeY (Cly@c25mc4-asy15.newcastle.edu.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Kittie> I would think they'd wear the masks the whole interview.  Slipknot has to. <woolfie> will you ever do the kiss unmasked tour <nelson> i see your I Might Be A Cunt video on Channel V all the time and it rocks *** BoBcat (~bc@d008.meldas4.access.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <james> does this actually have a purpose *** lakepipe (chuckster@203.30.72.5) has joined #tismlive1 *** ^Medea^ (+tism69@4pp120.radiant.net) has joined #tismlive1 <cyclonic> TISM: I think Wayne Carey and Ian Roberts would make a good couple...thoughts? *** nelson is now known as dork <james> schlong <BULO> Why feral roadie bother <Luke> TISM please promise me one thing! <james> Take me now Ron <revulva> Do you feel that the material you have produced over the last album and (one assumes) over this record, a 'masses' version of the earlier, 'undergraduate shit you were producing on GTS'OTrenaissance, Hot Dogma, et al? <woolfie> channel V rool.... is it true you're doing The Joint on May 28 <eggy> who is singing on that bonus track from the boxset.. it is a girl in a toilet.. was she in TISM? <FunkyGroo> have any corporate sheep been offended in the making of your jackets? <Flaubert> Can any of you type answers or have you become converts to complete visuality? <Vort_X> if it's TISM root... <Kelpie242> In the soon to be released TV movie TISM: Never tell me don't cum, what do you think of Charles Bud Tingwell's performance as Ron? <Flaubert> Is visuality a word? <Luke> Don't ever reveal youselves it will DESTROY everthing you stand for! <chubby> we are from alternate base radio in sydney and we want to play your single up here in syd <Rooter> wowow <james> only wankers call themselves james <Rooter> heheh *** lakepipe is now known as sohardoh <Rooter> :) <Vort_X> do you want the .bmp i got of ron unmasked... <Rooter> stiffy <james> Jimbo you're a crock of shit <Victims> RON: Did you like your Victims t-shirt? (and did your MUM like hers?) <eggy> this sucks. sorry that ain't a question <^Medea^> VORTX-YES YES YES!  I DO! <james> And so are all the cunts you follow <sohardoh> i like middle class boys <PunkyFunk> Humprey you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!!!!!!!!!!! <Flaubert> Why do you think people believe "revealing yourselves" involves taking off your masks? <Rooter> Mongoloid he was a mongolod .... da da da da da <Vort_X> medea-i'll give it to ya afterwards.. <cyclonic> ^Medea^my love..kiss me..... <james> Defecate <Flaubert> Do you have any recipies for quail? <woolfie> which internet names are actually tism members? *** sdw has quit IRC (Leaving) <^Medea^> Vort_X-Ta! <eggy> What of the track "russia" ? <Kelpie242> Are they actually answering these questions live? Can't see or hear... <BULO> All I see is questions! Slow down! I'm dislexic <Rooter> The answer to the Universe is ?  well were still guessing ! <TisM> As an addun TISM: I think Wayne Carey and Ian Roberts would make a good couple...thoughts? Cyclonic, why don't you grow a bigger set of titsts. <^d00bie^> tism!, and ron in particular, on your ever-popular second album release "hot dogma" you use the "i'm dying" motif on three (3) different songs. Can you explain why although that was around ten years ago, you are still alive. Have you been replaced by a former band member from Naughty by Nature, or are you just a clone made from old dna? <KickiTT> LEO! THEY SAID YOU NICK!!! <the_fiend> none of tism look like anyone with out their masks anyway..... <dork> was that really mimi mcpherson in your video clip? <FunkyGroo> would you like to endorse a product, maybe do a late night sex line, or an exercise machine, or slip/slop/slap? <PunkyFunk> Humphrey you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <PunkyFunk> Humphrey you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! * ^Medea^ KISSES CYCLONIC PASSIONATELY AS IF SHE WERE MAKING LOVE TO HIM AT A TISM CONCERT! <the_fiend> that's the secret. they are nobodies... <^Medea^> WHOA BABY!  *giggle* *KISS* *** vikingboy has quit IRC (Leaving) <Vort_X> WAS THAT YA MUM IN CUNT FILMCLIP RON? <Kittie> Hmmm.... <cyclonic> ^Medea^ thats how we'll do it baby!! <cyclonic> KickiTT: ta!!!!!!!!!! <Flaubert> Mr Barassi, what is your relationship to structuralism? <Rooter> heheh *** RonBarass (budgeman@dialup-t1-115.Melbourne.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <KickiTT> TWICE!! <sohardoh> The simulacrum is the nihilism of the french postmodernist theorist (aka wanker)'s dream of a new marxist utoia. Discuss <cyclonic> wicked!!!!!!!!!!! <Planet_N> WHERE CAN WE GET A TISM BALACLAVA?  WE THINK THEY WOULD LOOK GET ON THE SECURITY MONITOR AT THE LOCAL 711. <TisM> i from alternate base radio show and we are goning to play your new single on our show in sydney Dear Chubby, that's why you're only on an alternative radio show. If tism had our choice we would be more mainstream than Pastrick Stevedore. <Elvis2> TISM for a guest spot on South Park? <FunkyGroo> what is the difference between a cunt and a fucking cunt? <PunkyFunk> Humphrey you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <BULO> I've got a TISM balaclava! <Victims> RON: Did you like your Victims t-shirt? (and did your MUM like hers?) *** clem (~rex@203.30.72.10) has joined #tismlive1 <Kittie> TISM on SouthPark would be DAMN interesting. <Kelpie242> TISM, why do stupid people think insulting your mother is a high form of wit? <Vort_X> RON; CAN YOU GET ME ONE OF THOSE WATER BOTTLES? <PunkyFunk> Humphrey you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <^Medea^> cyclonic-*KISS*  Damn straight baby! *KISS* <PunkyFunk> Humphrey you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <the_fiend> i like the furry shirts.... <PunkyFunk> v <cyclonic> they said my nick? No I have cracked a fat..come here ^Medea^!!!!!!!! <Vort_X> I LIKE FURRY ANIMALS <Planet_N> --> It would appear TISM are ignored by the mainstream media, <Planet_N> forcing you to resort to the Internet as a main form of <Planet_N> promotion.  Do you see yourselves appealing to Nerds as <Planet_N> well now, and what social minority will you draw the line <Planet_N> at? <KickiTT> YEAH!! CYBER ORGY!!!!! <cyclonic> oh god....U know what I mean... <eggy> is ANYONE getting constant auiod? <PunkyFunk> Humphrey  you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <woolfie> when can I actually go out to the stores and buy the album <Luke> Hey TISM we have your kangaroo from sunday night! hahahah <BULO> Adze is a cunt but a fucking big TISM brain wearing fan... <FunkyGroo> How did your typist break her ankle? * ^Medea^ runs into cyclonics awaiting arms...*kiss* <james> eggy are you out there <Luke> june 1st <^Medea^> HA HA HA HA!  FUCKED IS TOO RIGHT! <sohardoh> disembodiment, where are you? <Rooter>  Do you beleive the political situation in india will affect Australia or will you come back to my place for a game of TWISTER!!!!! yours flexably {monty down the back !!SPEAK UP!!} <eggy> james yeah i am why? <Vort_X> YOU SPANKS ARE TOO SLOW <clem> bevan hello from clem are you out there???? <Kelpie242> Are they doing anything interesting visually? <Flaubert> Who is Sohardoh? <King_Buzz> yawn <james> eggy just wondering <Kittie> I don't get sonstant anything.  The funniest part is that I can't understand them because I'm not used to their accents. <revulva> Who the fuck is who?!! <sohardoh> the state of india will affect the cricket. <eggy> JAMESYEAH WHY? *** MarkandCo (Markimus@203.32.71.133) has joined #tismlive1 <cyclonic> ^Medea^ *passionately kissing you....and other parts of you..* <PunkyFunk> Humphrey  you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <woolfie> what's the catalogue number? <eggy> who are ya anyay? <hogie> yeah shut up... <King_Buzz> I think they are masturbating <Flaubert> Mr Murphy? <james> eggy hey i said i was just wondering!!!!! <Victims> RON: Did you like your Victims t-shirt? (and did your MUM like hers?) <King_Buzz> Yes I think they are <BULO> How would you change Springvale TISM style? <^Medea^> King_Buzz-Why?! Aren;t you?! <PunkyFunk> Humphrey  you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <PunkyFunk> Humphrey  you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <BoBcat> Pete? Where are Ya? <Kelpie242> Is anyone recording this? <clem> bevan where are you???? <eggy> james okjayokayokayokayo but out of a hunderd people you pick me? <BULO> Punky... FUCK OFF! <King_Buzz> Fuck off punkyfunk you complete dickhead * ^Medea^ submits to cyclonics lips....and other parts of him....*giggle* <sohardoh> sohardo, i'm taking a break but i am not quitting. no no no . ask my army or my son. but everyone in Indonesia likes the tism <TisM>  were you inspired by the Mimi vide? Dear Elvis 2, please refer to our lawyers at Aroni Colman. Especially their Camboidna office (we like our kneecaps the way they are) <Planet_N> --> It would appear TISM are ignored by the mainstream media, forcing you to resort to the Internet as a form of promotion.  Do you see yourselves appealing to Nerds as well now, and what social minority will you draw the line at? <woolfie> what's the next single? <dork> Punkyfunk: what's the story? where's the band? <PunkyFunk>  Humphrey  you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <PunkyFunk> Humphrey  you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <Flaubert> This is more interesting than oyster farming. <PunkyFunk> Humphrey  you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!! <Kittie> I wouldn't tell Punky to fuck off... he's got ops. <GrrrRich> When are TISM going to ascend to the next level of musical performance - the rooftop concert?  (ON a train!?) <Doombu> only just <BULO> Oh! You can type man, I want to suck your cock. Adze <King_Buzz> Jesus Punkyfuckingfunk Im going to kill you <james> eggy sorry i got a little carried away. Blow me <sohardoh> is amway a presupposition to death or vice versa <Vort_X> I SAID THAT <PunkyFunk> want us to boot you out Kit? <BULO> Punky sucks.. <Kelpie242> TISM, do you use post modernism as a legitimate mode of zeitgesity expression, or rather a hip bi-word to lure self important Generation WHy'ers? <cyclonic> Cyclonic madly sets to work on ^Medea'^ hot body... <Vort_X> SAY MY NAME U BASTARDS <Victims> In 1985 Ronald Reagan visited a war cemetery in Bitburg, Germany. He described the SS soldiers interred there as "victims of Nazism, just as surely as any others". <Victims> i) Are the members of TISM also "victims of TISM" in this context? <Victims> ii) Who would TISM like to visit their graves? <Flaubert> Punky, do you consider your name effeminate? <james> Vort X <Vort_X> yeah <KickiTT> FUCKING SAY MY NICK YOU CUNTS <^Medea^> VORT-THEY ALREADY SAID IT! *** King_Buzz has quit IRC (Leaving) <woolfie> do you know there are a whole bunch of people drinking booze on your account up here in Sydney? <james> yeah <Elvis2> Thanks for answering my Q, guys *** revulva has quit IRC (Leaving) <eggy> Tism, is it hard to shave with that mask on? <Vort_X> I WANT THEM TO SAY IT AGAIN..BASTARDS <hogie> are you guys planning another round of perth gigs?? <Flaubert> Elvis is a suck <clem> bevan hello from clem are you out there???? <woolfie> what are you going to do about it? <james> Vort X <eggy> TISM - how come you did answer my faxes on JJJ!!!! <KickiTT> WHERE IS JACK??? <Vort_X> FUCK OFF JAMES U MONKEY SPANKER <Luke> Yeh TISM, when are you going to invite yobs up on stage like you did in your non popular state in the past? <james> Vort X <sohardoh> more red more red more red <Kittie> Let me know if they say anything good.  I only get feed every other minute. <bernard> where in Sydney? <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber plesae respond <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber plesae respond <Victims> In 1985 Ronald Reagan visited a war cemetery in Bitburg, Germany. He described the SS soldiers interred there as "victims of Nazism, just as surely as any others". <Victims> i) Are the members of TISM also "victims of TISM" in this context? <Victims> ii) Who would TISM like to visit their graves? <eggy> TISM - hhow come you DIDNT answer my faxes on jjj??!?! <KickiTT> RON, WHY DO YOU BLEACH YOUR HAIR? <the_fiend> quit the repeats people..... <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber please respond <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber please respond <KickiTT> RON, WHY DO YOU BLEACH YOUR HAIR??? <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber please respond <the_fiend> if they will answer it they will.... <clem> cyclonic  are you out there??? <Vort_X> WHY DID HE STRIP FOR THE METRO..BUT NOT FOR US NOW.. <Vort_X> WE WANT RON NAKED <Flaubert> TISM, did you invent you name as a sonorous compliment to JISM? <Vort_X> WE WANT RON NAKED <cyclonic> cyclonic is still here.... <TisM> TISM, do you use post modernism as a legitimate mode of zeitgesity expression, or rather a hip bi-word to lure self important Generation WHy'ers? Dear Kelpie,242, tism formed a band to engage in coital relations. we are unfortunately married and consequently too dumb to answer your question. Our new single is called "smack my bitcher" And did you know Kelpie 242 that the prodigy received help with the title of their previous album "music for the ji <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber please respond <hogie> we want ron to keep his clothes on.... <dork> We want TISM <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber please respond <KickiTT> RON, HUMPHREY, REMOVE YOUR MASKS! <HNB> 2 years down the track, people STILL argue about whether or not your first/only Darwin gig so far was MIMED...welll? <woolfie> what do you think of the trouble in Indonesia at the moment - have you considered touring there? <james> woolfie, are you upstairs or down? *** meson (Jack@203.30.72.4) has joined #tismlive1 <FunkyGroo> What is behind your constant evasion of questions of sartorial integrity?  Will you clearly and finally admit the dirty secret? *** revulva (n@203.30.72.2) has joined #tismlive1 <BULO> ADZIE WANTS RONS COCK! <woolfie> I'm upstairs! <sohardoh> tism are infact extremely PoMo as they are a simulacrum, and a bad one at that, of the seminal American band of the 70s The Residents <KickiTT> WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY WEB PAGE??? *** RonBarass has quit IRC (Leaving) <BULO> FUCK YOUR WEB PAGE! <Flaubert> Nothing is happening, except that I think I'm being noticed. Isn't that exciting? <Vort_X> CAN I HAVE ONE OF THOSE WATER BOTTLES <Vort_X> CAN I HAVE ONE OF THOSE WATER BOTTLES <Rooter> why are sports journalists taking over the english language (eg. moving the goal posts, level plying field, BIG ASK)?? <hogie> how did all the noisy tossers up the back manage to get admission to the live broadcast??? <TisM>  come on, admit that your public performances are psychosexual at heart, Dear Grrich our performances are deeply deeply psychosexual. the only time we do not perform sexually is in bed. <Doombu> residents blow <bernard> punky bulo must die * cyclonic greedily kissing ^Medea^ *** sdw (~s.watt@dialup-2B95.mpx.com.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Kittie> Would someone tell me if they say that they're gonna post this clip later? <sohardoh> who the fuck is ... <Flaubert> Would people please stop talking about postmodernism. <wellonnec> when are you guys going to write a hit? <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber please respond <Vort_X> WE'VE SEEN JACK HOLT'S FACE..WE WANT RON NAKED. <Victims> In 1985 Ronald Reagan visited a war cemetery in Bitburg, Germany. He described the SS soldiers interred there as "victims of Nazism, just as surely as any others". <Victims> i) Are the members of TISM also "victims of TISM" in this context? <Victims> ii) Who would TISM like to visit their graves? <dork> where are TISM? <clem> cyclonic are you out or just out there? <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber please respond <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber please respond <Planet_N> >>> TISM, It would appear you are ignored by the mainstream media, forcing you to resort to the Internet as a form of promotion.  Do you see yourselves appealing to Nerds as well now, and what social minority will you draw the line at? <sohardoh> when are we going to get the free cd <PunkyFunk> v <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber please respond * ^Medea^ ASKS TISM: DOES THE FACT THAT YOUR MUSIC IS SPREADING TO NORTH AMERICA FRIGHTEN YOU GUYS OR IMPRESS YOU? <PunkyFunk> v <PunkyFunk> Are the masks a post modern attempt at hiding the truth, we have a theory that you are all the unibomber please respond <BULO> BERNARD IS PUNKY FUNK'S LOVE CHILD <KickiTT> YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! <dork> PhunkyFunk are you feeling like a tool, TISM aren <eggy> Tism, i used excerpts from your book, "guide to little aesthetics"" and your album "Form and Meaning reach ultimate communinon"" as arguements against wankers like Owen, Elliot, Blake etc in my english essay. I failed. do you see this as fair? <BoBcat> Pete!! where are ya <PunkyFunk> Humphrey you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett! <PunkyFunk> Humphrey you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett! <Vort_X> AND MY ARSE. <Flaubert> How do you do that repeat thing, Punky Funk, as we'd all like to dominate the screen. Fifteen inches of fame. <PunkyFunk> Humphrey you bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett! <woolfie> what do you think of the Hi-Fi bar - is it a hole? * cyclonic cyclonic congratulates ^Medea^ on an insightful question while he gets nasty... <BULO> PUNKY FUCK YOU CUNT! <clem> doombu clem here anyone out there we are not amused <KickiTT> YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 <wellonnec> Can you guys possibly write a song without swearing in it? <dork> PhunkyFunk are you feeling like a tool, TISM aren't even there, this is a hoax <PunkyFunk> Pete's hiding .... <Luke> hey tism, how long ago did RON get married is that the ceremony on the front of the I might be a cunt video? <Kelpie242> See, Post Moden again, the bi-word for the intellectually barren <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <james> Tism Take me now Ron <HNB> what do you think of the rumor that u guys were actually Painters & Dockers in disguise/ <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? *** clem (~rex@203.30.72.10) has left #tismlive1 (clem) <sohardoh> the postmodern condition is something that we are all living with, so there is no way to stop the discourse, besides, postmodernism holds no truth, only allusion, surfaces... <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <Kittie> You hit the up arrow on your keyboard.... <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <BoBcat> ok <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <Flaubert> Sexual innuendo. <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <Luke> shut up acehole! <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <BULO> TISM ARE SITTING ON ADZE'S COCK! <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <sohardoh> you cannot hide the truth since there is none <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <TisM> RON, CAN YOU SLEEP WITH MY SISTER??? Dear Kickitt, I cannot sleep with your sister. I do deeply want to. Unfortunately she does noit awant to sleep with me, I asked her, backck in hyear 10. No-one wants to sleep with me. I'm deeplu in touch with my sexuality, nobobdy else is I respect women. Yours isncerely RHB PS I don't really respect women. <FunkyGroo> is your new album a 'concept' album? please explain? love pauline <hogie> stop the god damn repeats....... <Planet_N> TISM, is there any truth to the rumour that the real identity of the girl in the clip "I Might be a Cunt, but I'm Not a Fucking Cunt" is Lisa McCune? <Vort_X> HBF LOOKS STONED *** ^d00bie^ is now known as zb <sohardoh> objectivity is over <dork> i don't think you heard us Phunkyfuck where are the band? <Flaubert> Acehole, you hab muk to ofer us. <the_fiend> acehole! they are not the klf. get over it allready!!!! * ^Medea^ sits in cyclonic's lap.... <wellonnec> are you guys really graduates from monash uni? <Kelpie242> In the CUNT song you say you have to wonder about Tarantino, what exactly is it you're wondering? <BULO> Why don't you all just drink piss and fall over! *** RonBarass (budgeman@dialup-t1-115.Melbourne.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 * cyclonic *LMAO* <sohardoh> tism wrote the screenplay to clueless <KickiTT> I GOT MY QUESTION ANSWERED, AND THEY SAID MY NICK!  MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE!!! <TisM>  who do i have to root to get backstage? We've been asking that for years. Maybe we should've called ourselves TOnic. <Kelpie242> In the CUNT song you say you have to wonder about Tarantino, what exactly is it you're wondering? <sohardoh> unknown fact <^Medea^> HA HA HA! <Victims> In 1985 Ronald Reagan visited a war cemetery in Bitburg, Germany. He described the SS soldiers interred there as "victims of Nazism, just as surely as any others". <Victims> i) Are the members of TISM also "victims of TISM" in this context? <Victims> ii) Who would TISM like to visit their graves? <PunkyFunk> we heard yoy dork ... the band are here ... in the bar <dork> are you all suckers noone is listening to you except phunkyfuck <Vort_X> U GO KICKETT <BULO> Mr TISM's I know who you are! <Kelpie242> In the CUNT song you say you have to wonder about Tarantino, what exactly is it you're wondering? * cyclonic ^Medea^ sits DOWN on his "lap" <Flaubert> Monash University doesn't produce graduates. <Kittie> Did they tell you to fuck off, and that no, you couldn't have one of their water bottles? <zb> TISM, you strike out against many groups of people in your gusty emphatic music. But a lot of your songs strongly commit to a dance/techo rhythm. This means that the most likely audience for your songs are those that you are striking against. Do you feel that your message is conveyed better this way? or is it just getting lost down the shitter? <woolfie> have the members of TISM remained the same in your long and illustrious career? <GrrrRich> why aren't TISM the KLF?  the KLF were just a bunch of annoying wankers with a few intruments inc samplers <wellonnec> in which century are you going to answer any of my questions? <PunkyFunk> bully for you BULO <Luke> Hey TISM, do you think that all your fans should wear mask like the yob on sunday night? <GrrrRich> monash uni produces undergradute humour ;P * ^Medea^ purrs at cyclonic <Flaubert> TISM, what is your relation to Mr Michael M. (UNSW)? <eggy> which band(s) would TISM most prefer to do tism tributes or cover versions? <Vort_X> RON GRAB ME.....ONE OF THOSE WATER BOTTLES. <Flaubert> Fart? <the_fiend> planet no it;'s shelby stevens! the porn starr!!!!!! <Victims> In 1985 Ronald Reagan visited a war cemetery in Bitburg, Germany. He described the SS soldiers interred there as "victims of Nazism, just as surely as any others". <Victims> i) Are the members of TISM also "victims of TISM" in this context? <Victims> ii) Who would TISM like to visit their graves? <Kittie> Stupid question, what's a yob, anyway? <sohardoh> Is it coincidence that Ron Barassi sounds uncannily like Mike moore <Kelpie242> In the CUNT song you say you have to wonder about Tarantino, what exactly is it you're wondering? <KickiTT> GUYS, THROW THE WATER BOTTLES AT THE CAMERA!!!!!!!!!! <FunkyGroo> tell us about the album...pauline hanson loves your 'verk'!!! <dork> what water bottle? is this a club v thing? <revulva> Which one of you is related to Peter Stevens (not the motorbike dealership)? You Know WHO YOU ARE!!!! <Victims> In 1985 Ronald Reagan visited a war cemetery in Bitburg, Germany. He described the SS soldiers interred there as "victims of Nazism, just as surely as any others". <Victims> i) Are the members of TISM also "victims of TISM" in this context? <Victims> ii) Who would TISM like to visit their graves? <sohardoh> late show/tism <Flaubert> Why can't I stop this? I could be picking up? <eggy> RB sounds like mick molloy! <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <sohardoh> never tour at the same time, <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <hogie> HOW DID ALL THE NOISY TOSSERS UP THE BACK GET ADMISSION TO THE LIVE TRANSMISSION????? <Kittie> If they throw the bottle, then I would get even LESS feed than I am now.... <HNB> is anybody logging any of this? <the_fiend> kelpie you idiot!!! it's wondering about if they are lying...... the atrantino line is sperate.... <sohardoh> surely there is an excuse for such nonprolific discography <BULO> I do remember having convo with Ron-Hilter backstage with his mask shoved down me pants. You must have been admiring my ginormous cock. Why didn't you take me home ? <KickiTT> I am logging it, HNB <james> Hogie this IS the music business <^Medea^> THANKS FOR THE PIC VORT!!!! <woolfie> please say hello to the folks in Sydney - they're all getting a little bored... * cyclonic Anne Lidell is very cool....she can do amazing things with polystyrene <Kelpie242> the-fiend: Not true, listen to the song you gimp * hillary proposes to TISM <HNB> *bows down to KickiTT <Flaubert> Sohardo, don't you (th)ink about the poss(ibility) that you are somehow under the spell of French couture?\ <the_fiend> i have..... <Vort_X> WE GOT U UNMASKED RHB. PUSSY <Kittie> No, they are not Ozzy Ozbourne, and they are not going to eat any animals onstage. <PunkyFunk> Humphrey yoou bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!!!!! <PunkyFunk> Humphrey yoou bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!!!!! <the_fiend> you goit.... <KickiTT> been logging since 4.30pm!!! <PunkyFunk> Humphrey yoou bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!!!!! <Acehole> 0,1WILL 0,1TISM 0,1EVER 0,1DO 0,1A 0,1SLOLO 0,1WITH 0,1 HILLARY 0,1CLINTON??? <PunkyFunk> Humphrey yoou bear a striking resemblence to Jeff Kennett!!!!! <dork> who are all you morons talking to? <Acehole> 0,1WILL 0,1TISM 0,1EVER 0,1DO 0,1A 0,1SOLO 0,1WITH 0,1 HILLARY 0,1CLINTON??? <wellonnec> what do tism look like in the nude? <Acehole> 0,1WILL 0,1TISM 0,1EVER 0,1DO 0,1A 0,1SOLO 0,1WITH 0,1 HILLARY 0,1CLINTON??? <BULO> Punkyfunk, well said dickhead <Flaubert> Does anyone want me to stay? Does anyone love me(at)? <sohardoh> we are budding intellectuals, with your help we could get there... <woolfie> jeff kennet is way more interesting - stop repeating that crap * cyclonic passionately kissing ^Medea^, while doing...... <sohardoh> love is over <meson> <luke> rhb, do you get off on the fact that the people you put shit on in your songs ie-'yob' are probably your biggest fans?/ <eggy> are silver chair a driving force in the otherwise dry wasteland of Australian rock, or are they simply another dead cattle skull infested with the scorpions of the Angels and ACDC, lying on the road westward to the ultimate home of rock, the USA. <Kelpie242> The-fiend: A direct line "I might like Tarantino but sometimes you gotta wonder, <next line> I mightn't tell the truth all the time hey what's your mum's number" <james> woolfie if you think we're bored now, wait till the bar tab runs out <BULO> Answer ... naked! <revulva> Your film clip (I dunno which one, we just saw it tonight) enlists the help of the commerdcial personages, radio/music/etc. They must have felt supacool and cutting edge and proactive and on the upside of something 'new'. Yet, we know how it is, don't we? <Kelpie242> so... <GrrrRich> are tism the hunter or the hunted in this world of corporate slavery? <Flaubert> I am a budding flower, not a budding intellectual. <Kelpie242> The-fiend: A direct line "I might like Tarantino but sometimes you gotta wonder, <next line> I mightn't tell the truth all the time hey what's your mum's number" * cyclonic a lower back workout... * ^Medea^ asks cyclonic what it is he is "doing" while kissing her... <Kelpie242> In the CUNT song you say you have to wonder about Tarantino, what exactly is it you're wondering? <TisM>  TISM! WHAT IS A CLICK CLACK? Dear the fiend, do you introduce yourself at parties as hello I'm the fiend, or hello I'm fiend. I used to introduce myself as hello I'm the humphrey and found this to be a very unsuccesful way of meeting people. I have a suggestion for the Mavvii, if they were to call themselves the Mavis, they would be very successful. In answer to your question, there is no such thing as a click clack. <RonBarass> hello <bernard> bulo licked punky's arse <woolfie> ah, yes, we are meaning to talk to you about that bar tab... <KickiTT> WHO ARE THE ACTORS IN THE "CUNT" VIDEO??? <the_fiend> it's not tarantino you gotta wonder about!!!! <eggy> Explain your reasons, using reference to other 'rock' bands, and Australian bands, such as yourselves. <dork> james were you talking to us? is your keyboard really grubby like ours? * cyclonic LMAO!!!!!!! <Vort_X> HELLO ,I HATE LACHLAN 'THE WANKER' MEAD AND WILL NEVER SLEEP WITH HIS DOG AGAIN......YOURS SENCIERLY..RON HITLER BARASSI *** MarkandCo has quit IRC <Acehole> 0,3TISM 0,12TAKE 0,7OFF 8,2YOUR 0,4MASKS <Acehole> 0,3TISM 0,12TAKE 0,7OFF 8,2YOUR 0,4MASKS <Acehole> 0,1WILL 0,1TISM 0,1EVER 0,1DO 0,1A 0,1SOLO 0,1WITH 0,1 HILLARY 0,1CLINTON??? <the_fiend> you gottawonder do they tell the truth all the time! * ^Medea^ laughs hysterically <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <Flaubert> Ron, how dare you interrupt. * cyclonic grinding into ^Medea^......grunting.... <sohardoh> we all live within masks, it is just the explicit mask that bothers you? <bernard> Tism, Do you get angry when your masks get ripped off? <eggy> what happend to tony Coitus? *** reddy (redman@dialup-t1-140.Melbourne.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <Acehole> 9TISM 9HAVE 9YOU 9CONSIDERED 9A 9STRIP 9SHOW? <Kittie> How the FUCK do you do a SOLO album with other people?!!?!? <KickiTT> Go Cyclonic! <Luke> everyone shut up and we will get answers sooner! <Acehole> 0,1DEAR 0,1TISM..... 0,1DO 0,1U 0,1HAVE 0,1PLANS 0,1TO 0,1EAT 0,1ANIMALS 0,1ON 0,1STAGE? <Vort_X> IS ANYONE TAPING THIS. <woolfie> it's gone a little quiet - are you all still there? <RonBarass> How's Ken Done <BULO> Fortune favours the fuckwit! <Vort_X> KEEP IT DOWN AT THE BACK CYC. <KickiTT> Vort - I'm logging the channel <dork> james where are you? you seem to have a sense of humour. <Acehole> 0,1WILL 0,1TISM 0,1EVER 0,1DO 0,1A 0,1ALBUM 0,1WITH 0,1 HILLARY 0,1CLINTON??? <sohardoh> flaubert, the tism lyrics seem to have a strong intellectual debt to irigaray no? <Vort_X> K <eggy> iis aanyone getting straming audio? <Flaubert> Ken's very well, thanks Ron. <KickiTT> dunno about the sound though. . . <Kittie> It won't allow me to tape it.... * ^Medea^ love-bites cyclonic's chest.... <james> here * cyclonic wheres your camera KickiTT? this is better than the video... <BULO> Woolfie we're here! How's upstairs going! <Flaubert> The TISM lyrics have a strong debt to any number of proper nouns. <sohardoh> la la la <Kelpie242> IS your new album going to be any good? <james> there <woolfie> upstairs is rocking - come on up! * ^Medea^ giggles at cyclonic... <james> everywhere *** chubby has quit IRC (Ping timeout) <eggy> when does the album come out? <sohardoh> where is the pipster? <KickiTT> I'll post you and Medea's lines on my page!!! <Kittie> Do TISM answer their e-mail, or do they get other people to do it? <HNB> eggy; album due on june 1 *** Freshy (moorella@dialup-m1-56.Sale.netspace.net.au) has joined #tismlive1 <wellonnec> are you ever gonna have an orderly perform with you agin? <dork> is there anyone using this internet chat JOKE with a ponytail? <bernard> When are you launching your album? * cyclonic groans loudly, as he positions her..... <revulva> Woolfie, doya wann have sex tonite? <sohardoh> pipstar pipstar you are defined by lack <eggy> well why launch it now? <BULO> hi woolfie, downstairs is rockin too <Flaubert> We all have ponytails. <dork> maybe a short one? * ^Medea^ asks cyclonic-HEY! WANNA RE-DO THE "CUNT" VIDEO FOR THEM?! <woolfie> only if it's with a music director and national promotions manager <KickiTT> THAT'S IT???????? <Kelpie242> <ponder> I still want to know what they're wondering about Tarantino... <eggy> tism you look like homeboys in those stripy traacksuits <james> male or female ponytail <sohardoh> more red <HNB> GYPPED!!!! <the_fiend> TISM NO I HAVE OTHER FRIENDS WHO INTRODUCE ME AS THE FIEND>>> I DO USE MY REAL NAME BUT MY FRIENDS THINK IT'S A GREAT GIGGLE.... the bastards. <revulva> Aww, jeez, a music editor? <Flaubert> Less red. <Vort_X> ALL HOMEBOYS ARE DICKHEADS..INCLUDING TISM <Elvis2> I don't want TISM... <TisM> AOne tended to use two of these in a very rhythmic manner in order to prduce a sound which was the reason for the onomatopaeic title click clack. it is not widely known that the click clack was in fact the origin of techno music. Never mind Frankie Knuckles in Chicago, it was in fact Sandra Smallmen at St Josephs, primary school who invented techno. Sadly, she died. Her last words were you'll never get a dance out of me Humphry, but at least I inve <dork> who cares about TISM there not out there, so what's on your mind boys? * cyclonic tells ^Medea^ we'll do it far better than that piece of low budget nonsense!!! <hogie> i think the guys look like a couple of gymps <wellonnec> what do you guys think about triple M and triple J as rock and roll....stations? <BULO> Suck more piss woolfie *** clem (~rex@203.30.72.10) has joined #tismlive1 <Flaubert> Can anyone show me how to use the internet? <dork> male baby <james> sorry my fucked punctuation. must be all the free piss <Freshy> TISM: when are you gonna enter your country music phase??? <Kelpie242> I love the fiend... he's such a good old dinkum character <chuckle> <KickiTT> that's it, they've gone <Freshy> all turn up with cowboy hats and masks on <hogie> we would if the friggin albom was out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <TisM> That's the end of that for tonight everyone. Thanks for dropping in........................TISM <Vort_X> DOH <hogie> fuck off baldy <Kittie> Oh?  It's over? <HNB> SCAM!!! * ^Medea^ tells cyclonic-YEAH! AND LET'S HAVE ALL OF TISM IN THE ROOM AT THE TIME! <Vort_X> I AGREE... <Flaubert> Great finish TISM! * Kittie sighs. * cyclonic BYE GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! <the_fiend> yay! <woolfie> i'm as dry as a ..... c*(t to use a tism turn of phrase <Vort_X> SEND ME SOME DRINK.. <GrrrRich> did I mention TISM are _fucking cunts_ <sohardoh> there once was a girl called collette dinigin, she flew to france but had to fly back inigin, because she showed them too much skinigin, poor old collette dinigin <Vort_X> so now what.. <BULO> Hey Woolfie lets just fuck this TISM hype and suck piss! <wellonnec> andy from shock in sydney would like to say you guys are way better than glide! <KickiTT> BYE CUNTS!!! <eggy> that sucked. <Kelpie242> Oh... *** hillary has quit IRC (Leaving) <the_fiend> horay fro tism for putting up with such a bunch of turds like us!!!! *** TiSmLoVeR (number10@203.33.244.149) has left #tismlive1 (TiSmLoVeR) * cyclonic rams into ^Medea^ <BULO> Seeya cunts <eggy> i hope they realese this video <Kelpie242> YOU CUNTS WHAT ARE YOU WONDERING ABOUT TARANTINO??? YOU BASTARDS!!!! * ^Medea^ yells at TISM:BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! <eggy> okay i spelt it wrong <Vort_X> kicket...talk to ya later...icq#8527204 <james> fdzrheshs <Flaubert> Sohardoh, Sohardo, Sohardo.... <hogie> well that was informative...NOT <woolfie> i thought TISM were glide * ^Medea^ SCREAMS!!!!!! <dork> so does anyone have ponytails? <Luke> thanks guys, see me in a mask at the next gig! <Elvis2> seeya Session Close: Tue May 19 19:47:53 1998

[hellyear86-blog]

I Stopped Saying Sorry for One Week—& Honestly, It Felt Great

In C'mon, It's Just 7 Days, members of the Food52 team share what it was like to take on a personal challenge for one week: skipping caffeine, going plastic-free, and more. (Spoiler alert: We all survived.)

For as long as I can remember, “I’m sorry,” has slipped from my lips as easily as my name. Examples of things I regularly apologize for include: sitting down, standing up, talking too much, not talking enough, trying too hard, not giving my all, failing to ask questions, asking too many questions, and, of course, apologizing for over-apologizing.

But, after a coworker pointed out that I said I was sorry after doing him a favor a couple of weeks ago, I began to reassess.

Because, the thing is, I’m not necessarily saying it because I actually have anything to be sorry about. It’s almost always a mindless reaction—a way to dissolve tension, or to appeal to somebody else’s feelings, or to protect myself from what my anxious brain fears are mistakes I’ve made. And who knows exactly how, over the last few decades, I developed this habit. It could’ve been as a coping mechanism for my over-thinking, a means of feeling like I’m in control, or the subtle conditioning of society (or a very effective VeggieTales episode). What I do know is that I needed a change.

So, when my co-workers challenged me to try something new for our C'mon, It's Just 7 Days series, it seemed fated that I should try giving up apologizing for one week. My rules would be simple: for seven days, I’d do my best not to utter the words “I’m sorry,” or similar iterations (apologies, forgive me, my bad, etc.), no matter the person or situation. Even if I really was sorry, by stripping the words from my vocabulary, I hoped to recondition myself to be more mindful of when I actually wanted to apologize.

Well, let’s just say I got a healthy dose of that mindfulness I was after—and then some. Here are my four main takeaways from the week:

1. Think before I speak.

On the first day of my challenge, while I was volunteering at a local school, a first-grade disaster struck. A little boy accidentally pinched his classmate’s finger with his toy police car, resulting in buckets of tears on both sides. As I walked the pinch-victim to the water fountain to catch her breath, I found myself fighting back an apology. The tears sliding down her little face broke my heart, and I struggled to find a way to make her forget the hurt.

When we harm someone or make a mistake, it’s logical to apologize. But what about the moments where we witness a wrong or a person opens up about their pain? Saying sorry often feels like an answer.

Slowing down and distinguishing how I truly felt presented a slew of learning moments throughout my week. Often, I turned to a quote from Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor and best-selling author of Rising Strong, who has spent the past decade studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.

“One of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations is we try to make things better,” she says. “If I share something with you that’s very difficult, I’d rather you say, ‘I don’t even know what to say right now. I’m just so glad you told me.’”

This experiment made me think about the emotion I was actually experiencing in any given moment where I wanted to reflexively apologize. Was it sympathy? Empathy? Guilt? There’s no clear cut answer for how I should respond in any of those instances, but I realized that just because I feel bad about something doesn’t mean I need to apologize for it. But it also doesn’t mean I can’t help. (Or, that I can’t apologize for it, if I’ve given it some thought and that’s what I truly want to express.) What’s most important is to be mindful.

And on that Saturday morning, giving that little girl the space to be sad in a dingy hallway, being there to wipe away her tears, was the right thing. No sorrys needed.

2. It’s not just me—others apologize all the time.

As the week progressed, I realized I wasn’t the only one who chronically apologized. Everywhere I turned, I overheard someone saying sorry—to grab a person’s attention, to introduce a new topic in a conversation, to reach around a coworker for a spoon. Rather than getting directly to the point, people buffered ideas and requests and even their presences with an, “I’m sorry…”.

Like me (prior to this week), they seemed to be apologizing for things that were clearly not their fault, or so small it hardly seemed worthy of a sorry. Rather than sincere communication, their apologies felt like mindless crutches to avoid conflict.

By not responding in-kind (I found myself instead saying, “No sorrys needed! You’re fine!”), I was pushing back against superfluous apologies. Don’t get me wrong, apologies are important, but really only when they’re necessary. It’s empowering to mean what you say, to connect with genuine conversation. And as my experiment progressed, it wasn’t enough for me to stop apologizing; I wanted others to fight against too many sorrys, too.

3. Take the opportunity to say thank you.

Confession: not apologizing didn’t take away my guilt. I still felt bad when I made a mistake (whether real or perceived), and struggled with what to do with the emotion. After discussing it with my boyfriend, he suggested that I look at those moments as opportunities to say, “thank you.”

“Sorry I’m late,” became, “Thank you for waiting for me.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t respond earlier,” turned into “Thank you for reminding me about this.”

“Sorry I’ve complained for an hour about my week of not apologizing,” was now, “Thank you for understanding me and helping think of alternative ways to express my emotions.”

It’s really that simple. (Also, let’s be real—it feels a lot better to thank someone than to constantly cry mea culpa.)

4. It’s ok to forgive myself.

The irony of not apologizing for a week was that I messed up. A lot. Without thinking, I’d start to apologize for all sorts of things—bumping into someone, slurping, forgetting to respond to a text, grabbing the last cookie. I’d cover my mouth almost as soon as the words came out, turning the moment into an awkward, “Sorry, not sorry!” situation. I got a lot of strange looks for seven whole days.

As the challenge went on, I had to remind myself that it was ok to slip up. For 26 years, I had over-apologized for everything under the sun, and it was understandable that I’d fall back into well-worn patterns. I needed time to unlearn, and patience when I stumbled.

Forgiving myself didn’t come easily. It still doesn’t.

Now, weeks later, I still get frustrated when I catch myself thoughtlessly apologizing. But I want to get better, and I feel like I’ve armed myself with useful strategies to make that happen. Being kind to myself—allowing for and accepting my mistakes—seems like the first step in overcoming this sorry problem.

Do you ever find yourself over-apologizing? Let me know in the comments!

Source: https://food52.com/blog/23636-how-to-stop-saying-sorry-over-apologizing-for-everything

[harborstock0-blog]

I Stopped Saying Sorry for One Week—& Honestly, It Felt Great

In C'mon, It's Just 7 Days, members of the Food52 team share what it was like to take on a personal challenge for one week: skipping caffeine, going plastic-free, and more. (Spoiler alert: We all survived.)

For as long as I can remember, “I’m sorry,” has slipped from my lips as easily as my name. Examples of things I regularly apologize for include: sitting down, standing up, talking too much, not talking enough, trying too hard, not giving my all, failing to ask questions, asking too many questions, and, of course, apologizing for over-apologizing.

But, after a coworker pointed out that I said I was sorry after doing him a favor a couple of weeks ago, I began to reassess.

Because, the thing is, I’m not necessarily saying it because I actually have anything to be sorry about. It’s almost always a mindless reaction—a way to dissolve tension, or to appeal to somebody else’s feelings, or to protect myself from what my anxious brain fears are mistakes I’ve made. And who knows exactly how, over the last few decades, I developed this habit. It could’ve been as a coping mechanism for my over-thinking, a means of feeling like I’m in control, or the subtle conditioning of society (or a very effective VeggieTales episode). What I do know is that I needed a change.

So, when my co-workers challenged me to try something new for our C'mon, It's Just 7 Days series, it seemed fated that I should try giving up apologizing for one week. My rules would be simple: for seven days, I’d do my best not to utter the words “I’m sorry,” or similar iterations (apologies, forgive me, my bad, etc.), no matter the person or situation. Even if I really was sorry, by stripping the words from my vocabulary, I hoped to recondition myself to be more mindful of when I actually wanted to apologize.

Well, let’s just say I got a healthy dose of that mindfulness I was after—and then some. Here are my four main takeaways from the week:

1. Think before I speak.

On the first day of my challenge, while I was volunteering at a local school, a first-grade disaster struck. A little boy accidentally pinched his classmate’s finger with his toy police car, resulting in buckets of tears on both sides. As I walked the pinch-victim to the water fountain to catch her breath, I found myself fighting back an apology. The tears sliding down her little face broke my heart, and I struggled to find a way to make her forget the hurt.

When we harm someone or make a mistake, it’s logical to apologize. But what about the moments where we witness a wrong or a person opens up about their pain? Saying sorry often feels like an answer.

Slowing down and distinguishing how I truly felt presented a slew of learning moments throughout my week. Often, I turned to a quote from Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor and best-selling author of Rising Strong, who has spent the past decade studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.

“One of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations is we try to make things better,” she says. “If I share something with you that’s very difficult, I’d rather you say, ‘I don’t even know what to say right now. I’m just so glad you told me.’”

This experiment made me think about the emotion I was actually experiencing in any given moment where I wanted to reflexively apologize. Was it sympathy? Empathy? Guilt? There’s no clear cut answer for how I should respond in any of those instances, but I realized that just because I feel bad about something doesn’t mean I need to apologize for it. But it also doesn’t mean I can’t help. (Or, that I can’t apologize for it, if I’ve given it some thought and that’s what I truly want to express.) What’s most important is to be mindful.

And on that Saturday morning, giving that little girl the space to be sad in a dingy hallway, being there to wipe away her tears, was the right thing. No sorrys needed.

2. It’s not just me—others apologize all the time.

As the week progressed, I realized I wasn’t the only one who chronically apologized. Everywhere I turned, I overheard someone saying sorry—to grab a person’s attention, to introduce a new topic in a conversation, to reach around a coworker for a spoon. Rather than getting directly to the point, people buffered ideas and requests and even their presences with an, “I’m sorry…”.

Like me (prior to this week), they seemed to be apologizing for things that were clearly not their fault, or so small it hardly seemed worthy of a sorry. Rather than sincere communication, their apologies felt like mindless crutches to avoid conflict.

By not responding in-kind (I found myself instead saying, “No sorrys needed! You’re fine!”), I was pushing back against superfluous apologies. Don’t get me wrong, apologies are important, but really only when they’re necessary. It’s empowering to mean what you say, to connect with genuine conversation. And as my experiment progressed, it wasn’t enough for me to stop apologizing; I wanted others to fight against too many sorrys, too.

3. Take the opportunity to say thank you.

Confession: not apologizing didn’t take away my guilt. I still felt bad when I made a mistake (whether real or perceived), and struggled with what to do with the emotion. After discussing it with my boyfriend, he suggested that I look at those moments as opportunities to say, “thank you.”

“Sorry I’m late,” became, “Thank you for waiting for me.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t respond earlier,” turned into “Thank you for reminding me about this.”

“Sorry I’ve complained for an hour about my week of not apologizing,” was now, “Thank you for understanding me and helping think of alternative ways to express my emotions.”

It’s really that simple. (Also, let’s be real—it feels a lot better to thank someone than to constantly cry mea culpa.)

4. It’s ok to forgive myself.

The irony of not apologizing for a week was that I messed up. A lot. Without thinking, I’d start to apologize for all sorts of things—bumping into someone, slurping, forgetting to respond to a text, grabbing the last cookie. I’d cover my mouth almost as soon as the words came out, turning the moment into an awkward, “Sorry, not sorry!” situation. I got a lot of strange looks for seven whole days.

As the challenge went on, I had to remind myself that it was ok to slip up. For 26 years, I had over-apologized for everything under the sun, and it was understandable that I’d fall back into well-worn patterns. I needed time to unlearn, and patience when I stumbled.

Forgiving myself didn’t come easily. It still doesn’t.

Now, weeks later, I still get frustrated when I catch myself thoughtlessly apologizing. But I want to get better, and I feel like I’ve armed myself with useful strategies to make that happen. Being kind to myself—allowing for and accepting my mistakes—seems like the first step in overcoming this sorry problem.

Do you ever find yourself over-apologizing? Let me know in the comments!

Source: https://food52.com/blog/23636-how-to-stop-saying-sorry-over-apologizing-for-everything

[foursprout-blog]

Why Waiting Until 25 To Lose My Virginity Was The Best Decision I Could’ve Made

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/why-waiting-until-25-to-lose-my-virginity-was-the-best-decision-i-couldve-made/

Why Waiting Until 25 To Lose My Virginity Was The Best Decision I Could’ve Made

Masaaki Komori / Unsplash

In Amy Poehler’s memoir, Yes Please, she wrote, “Keep your virginity for as long as you can, until it starts to feel weird to you. Then just get it over with. Try not to have your first time in a car.” The average age women have sex for the first time is 17. At 25, I’d gone through high school, college, graduate school, and was a professor but had never done the deed – in a car or otherwise. It felt very very weird to me to be my age without ever having done it. I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it so badly. I obsessed over sex by constantly reading about it in memoirs, magazine articles, and novels. I watched TV shows and movies to gobble it all up and learn as much as I could. I fantasized about sex. I talked about it and wrote about it.

But I never had it. And I couldn’t “get it over with” even if I wanted to.

Let me be clear – I do not subscribe to the idea of “losing one’s virginity” because it defines sex as man-woman, penis-vagina penetration, which is narrow and exclusive, and who’s losing what and who’s winning what exactly? It just feels like yet another way to shame women. But I appreciated Poehler’s advice nonetheless. It made me feel a bit better about not having done it yet.

As a chronically-single woman in her mid-twenties, weddings have never been my thing, but I looked forward to going to my friends’ wedding in South Korea. The couple, Matt and Ga Young, were more like family than friends and I loved them more than my own self-pity.

There are 6,927 miles between Austin, Texas, and Seoul, South Korea. When we landed in Incheon, we had traveled for over 30 hours, gone through airport security in three countries, and crossed the International Date Line. I was sweaty and tired and desperately wanted to change my underwear.

Once we got our luggage, Matt found his friend, Jack, who was joining us for the wedding and had also just landed from Vietnam.

When the four of us arrived at our Airbnb, we took turns taking showers and getting ready to go out. I’m not sure if it was because he was greasy from his travels or if I was so focused on getting a shower I didn’t notice, but it wasn’t until after we all got cleaned up when I realized how attractive Jack was. He was tall, had a great smile, and a swagger in his step. He wore tight jeans tucked into boots and a tee-shirt that read, “Never Give Up.”

Matt and Ga Young lead us through the streets of Seoul while we took photos of the mismatched neon lights and remnants of ancient architecture nestled between urban skyscrapers. Jack asked me to help him with a few of his camera settings, claiming his photography skills were rusty. He teased me by calling the settings by his own layman’s terms – for example, referring to “shutter speed” as “exposure time.” As a filmmaker and an academic, that kind of nerdy humor tickled me.

We ate dinner at a barbeque restaurant where Matt and Ga Young taught Jack and me Korean dining customs. The youngest person at the table has to serve everyone else’s drinks and turn away whenever she takes a sip. The youngest person happened to be me. Jack enjoyed making me serve everyone. He also playfully reminded me to look away from them every time I drank. I couldn’t help but enjoy the attention.

After dinner, we returned to the convenience store outside our Airbnb. Matt bought us a bottle of Soju – Korea’s most popular liquor, which also happens to taste like watered down rubbing alcohol. He invited a group of older Korean men sitting at a table close by to join us. Only one of them came over. His name was Yante and called himself the “King of the Neighborhood.” He didn’t speak a word of English, so he made Ga Young translate back and forth.

While everyone else was chatting, Jack and I took the opportunity to get to know each other better. He had moved to Vietnam about a year before to chase his roots. He was smart, funny, and had a massive appetite for adventure.

The group caught on to our connection. Yante turned to Jack and pinched his thumb and pointer finger together to make a heart shape with his fingertips. With his other hand, he pointed to Jack and me and said something in Korean. Ga Young laughed, “He’s asking if you’re in love.” Jack shook his head, brushing it off, “No, we’re just friends.”

Ga Young translated Yante’s reply:

“That’s how it always starts.”

The next morning, Matt and Ga Young had a long list of things they needed to do to prepare for the wedding, so Jack joined me on my self-guided tour through Seoul. We were in our own little world, talking and walking for miles between sites. I was blown away by the beauty that surrounded us but couldn’t appreciate it fully because I was distracted by how desperately I wanted him to kiss me.

And finally, when we were in Insadong – Seoul’s “Bohemian quarter” – Jack pulled me down an alleyway and planted one on me. The rest of the day we visited temples, parks, and shopping centers, talking, flirting, and making out in tucked away corners. I was Eat-Pray-Loving my way through South Korea!

That night, we met Matt and Ga Young to go bar hopping. Jack and I were leaning against the bar waiting for our drinks, and he started asking me about my relationship history.

Jack asked, “How many boyfriends have you had?”

I shook my head, “None.”

“Really?”

I shrugged, “Yeah, it’s just never worked out for me.”

“Well when’s the last time you had sex?”

It could have been the alcohol in my system or because I had vacation-brain, but I felt like being very – very – honest. “Sex? I’ve never had any.”

He choked on his beer, “What?!”

At this point, my speech felt pretty rehearsed. I explained it to a lot of guys who didn’t and will never understand. One guy laughed in my face. Another promised to call me and never spoke to me again. Another texted me the next day to say he couldn’t date me anymore because sex was “too important” to him. All I knew was rejection, and I was pretty sure I was going to die alone after a long, loveless and sexless life. But if Jack was mean or hurtful or just not interested in me anymore, I wouldn’t have to see him ever again – he literally lived on the opposite side of the world. Plus, I would have a little buffer room for the next couple of days. I had planned to break off from the group and go to Busan – Korea’s second largest city – by myself before the wedding.

I didn’t have anything to lose.

I told him, “I have a pelvic floor condition called vaginismus. The muscles in and around my vagina involuntarily contract, so sex is really difficult – actually, it’s been impossible so far.”

“So, is there treatment for that?” He asked.

“Yes, I’ve been going to pelvic floor physical therapy for a few years. I’m in a really good place, I think I could do it.” Without having a partner, it was sometimes difficult to measure my progress in physical therapy, but I had recently been able to use what my physical therapist described as a “penis-sized” dilator.

Without skipping a beat, he offered, “I’ll take your virginity.”

Then we both burst out laughing. I was totally thrown off-guard. I was staring into the big brown eyes of this gorgeous, smart guy who was smiling back at me after I just admitted to being a 25-year-old virgin. He wasn’t turned off or put off or intimidated. He was still into me, he could see past this. I didn’t think anyone ever would.

I excused myself to go to the restroom so I could take a second to absorb what just happened. His response was so supportive and compassionate and sexy. I couldn’t believe it. I was going to have sex!

As I washed my hands, Jack burst into the women’s room, pushed me against the wall and kissed me hard. “I want to go to Busan with you tomorrow.”

The next morning, Jack met me at Seoul Station. As soon as we took our seats on the train, I wondered, WHAT THE HELL am I thinking?! I only met this guy 36-hours ago, and now we’re traveling in a foreign country together. Neither of us speaks the language. I’ve agreed to share my Airbnb with him and we’re planning on having sex.

I am definitely going to be murdered.

I didn’t even know if I could have sex, but, based on his reaction the night before, I felt like he would be understanding if I couldn’t. He was the first potential partner that I really felt like was taking a chance with me, rather than just seeing how far he could get.

Our Airbnb was a small, adorable studio apartment in a high-rise with floor to ceiling windows overlooking an incredible view of Busan’s most popular beach.

We started making out and he lead me to the bed. He lifted my dress up to my chest and removed my Spanx. We found that too much fingering and oral hurt after a bit. He asked if we should “just do it,” and I nodded. LET’S DO IT. So he rummaged in his bag for a condom. I told him to insert himself with my inhale as I was taught in physical therapy. I took a deep breath and he slipped inside.

It wasn’t like how I expected. I didn’t feel even an ounce of self-consciousness about my body. I didn’t worry about any of the sounds I was making – or not making. I didn’t feel like I was doing it wrong or that I needed to perform.

It was beautiful and amazing and perfect. I did have some pain, but he took his time and made sure I was ok along the way.

I held him tight as he finished and then I began to cry. I couldn’t help it. It was so overwhelming and I was so happy.

I thought of all the times guys rejected me for not being able to have sex and broke my heart. Or the times I left doctors’ offices in tears with no answers. How completely hopeless I felt after weeks and months and years of physical therapy.

Jack told me that it was “intense and really special.” He said he’d never forget it. He kissed me, gently ran his fingers through my hair and whispered, “You’re worth a little patience.”

That’s all I’d ever wanted: for someone to like me enough, to believe that I was worth the wait.

I had written off ever falling in love, getting married, or having kids, because having a functioning vagina seems to be a prerequisite for all those things. But now it felt possible.

The rest of our trip was incredible. Jack and I spent another magical day in Busan, which I now consider my favorite city in the world. We later met the rest of the wedding party in Ga Young’s hometown of Daegu. I loved every moment getting to know Matt and Ga Young’s families. Their wedding was the most beautiful event I’ve ever witnessed and I cried the entire time, even though the ceremony was done completely in Korean and I didn’t understand a single word of it.

For a few months after I got back home, Jack and I talked on the phone for hours every day. Even with the 12-hour time difference between Austin and Ho Chi Mihn City, we managed to always be in touch. I cried over him a lot. I shamelessly belt out Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” in my car more than I’d care to admit.

When I told people that it finally happened, they’d say, “Congratulations!” and then immediately take it back, worried that it was an inappropriate response. I’d assure them that it was the only response when someone achieves a goal she has been working very hard at for a very long time.

I knew that the act of having sex wasn’t going to change me; it wasn’t going to make me a better, more complete person. For me, it was really all about connecting with someone in a way I never have before – in a way all my peers were able to and I couldn’t.

I’ve heard a lot of my friends’ stories about their first times – and most of them were pretty terrible. I wish we didn’t put so much emphasis on the idea of “losing one’s virginity” and shaming those who “keep it” longer than average. I wish we taught girls to start having sex when they’re physically, emotionally, and mentally ready, rather than feeding them all kinds of contradictory messages that create timelines and deadlines – like “wait for marriage” or “hooking up is an important part of the college experience.” I think my experience was so great because I was listening to my body, being brave, taking a chance, and being exactly, precisely, 100% true to myself.

If I ever meet Amy Poehler, and I really hope I do, I’m going to tell her that I listened to her advice and did not have sex for the first time in a car. But, I’m really glad that I didn’t just “get it over with,” because my first time was absolutely worth the wait.

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

Why Waiting Until 25 To Lose My Virginity Was The Best Decision I Could’ve Made

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/why-waiting-until-25-to-lose-my-virginity-was-the-best-decision-i-couldve-made-2/

Why Waiting Until 25 To Lose My Virginity Was The Best Decision I Could’ve Made

Drew Wilson

In Amy Poehler’s memoir, Yes Please, she wrote, “Keep your virginity for as long as you can, until it starts to feel weird to you. Then just get it over with. Try not to have your first time in a car.” The average age women have sex for the first time is 17. At 25, I’d gone through high school, college, graduate school, and was a professor but had never done the deed – in a car or otherwise. It felt very very weird to me to be my age without ever having done it. I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it so badly. I obsessed over sex by constantly reading about it in memoirs, magazine articles, and novels. I watched TV shows and movies to gobble it all up and learn as much as I could. I fantasized about sex. I talked about it and wrote about it.

But I never had it. And I couldn’t “get it over with” even if I wanted to.

Let me be clear – I do not subscribe to the idea of “losing one’s virginity” because it defines sex as man-woman, penis-vagina penetration, which is narrow and exclusive, and who’s losing what and who’s winning what exactly? It just feels like yet another way to shame women. But I appreciated Poehler’s advice nonetheless. It made me feel a bit better about not having done it yet.

As a chronically-single woman in her mid-twenties, weddings have never been my thing, but I looked forward to going to my friends’ wedding in South Korea. The couple, Matt and Ga Young, were more like family than friends and I loved them more than my own self-pity.

There are 6,927 miles between Austin, Texas, and Seoul, South Korea. When we landed in Incheon, we had traveled for over 30 hours, gone through airport security in three countries, and crossed the International Date Line. I was sweaty and tired and desperately wanted to change my underwear.

Once we got our luggage, Matt found his friend, Jack, who was joining us for the wedding and had also just landed from Vietnam.

When the four of us arrived at our Airbnb, we took turns taking showers and getting ready to go out. I’m not sure if it was because he was greasy from his travels or if I was so focused on getting a shower I didn’t notice, but it wasn’t until after we all got cleaned up when I realized how attractive Jack was. He was tall, had a great smile, and a swagger in his step. He wore tight jeans tucked into boots and a tee-shirt that read, “Never Give Up.”

Matt and Ga Young lead us through the streets of Seoul while we took photos of the mismatched neon lights and remnants of ancient architecture nestled between urban skyscrapers. Jack asked me to help him with a few of his camera settings, claiming his photography skills were rusty. He teased me by calling the settings by his own layman’s terms – for example, referring to “shutter speed” as “exposure time.” As a filmmaker and an academic, that kind of nerdy humor tickled me.

We ate dinner at a barbeque restaurant where Matt and Ga Young taught Jack and me Korean dining customs. The youngest person at the table has to serve everyone else’s drinks and turn away whenever she takes a sip. The youngest person happened to be me. Jack enjoyed making me serve everyone. He also playfully reminded me to look away from them every time I drank. I couldn’t help but enjoy the attention.

After dinner, we returned to the convenience store outside our Airbnb. Matt bought us a bottle of Soju – Korea’s most popular liquor, which also happens to taste like watered down rubbing alcohol. He invited a group of older Korean men sitting at a table close by to join us. Only one of them came over. His name was Yante and called himself the “King of the Neighborhood.” He didn’t speak a word of English, so he made Ga Young translate back and forth.

While everyone else was chatting, Jack and I took the opportunity to get to know each other better. He had moved to Vietnam about a year before to chase his roots. He was smart, funny, and had a massive appetite for adventure.

The group caught on to our connection. Yante turned to Jack and pinched his thumb and pointer finger together to make a heart shape with his fingertips. With his other hand, he pointed to Jack and me and said something in Korean. Ga Young laughed, “He’s asking if you’re in love.” Jack shook his head, brushing it off, “No, we’re just friends.”

Ga Young translated Yante’s reply:

“That’s how it always starts.”

The next morning, Matt and Ga Young had a long list of things they needed to do to prepare for the wedding, so Jack joined me on my self-guided tour through Seoul. We were in our own little world, talking and walking for miles between sites. I was blown away by the beauty that surrounded us but couldn’t appreciate it fully because I was distracted by how desperately I wanted him to kiss me.

And finally, when we were in Insadong – Seoul’s “Bohemian quarter” – Jack pulled me down an alleyway and planted one on me. The rest of the day we visited temples, parks, and shopping centers, talking, flirting, and making out in tucked away corners. I was Eat-Pray-Loving my way through South Korea!

That night, we met Matt and Ga Young to go bar hopping. Jack and I were leaning against the bar waiting for our drinks, and he started asking me about my relationship history.

Jack asked, “How many boyfriends have you had?”

I shook my head, “None.”

“Really?”

I shrugged, “Yeah, it’s just never worked out for me.”

“Well when’s the last time you had sex?”

It could have been the alcohol in my system or because I had vacation-brain, but I felt like being very – very – honest. “Sex? I’ve never had any.”

He choked on his beer, “What?!”

At this point, my speech felt pretty rehearsed. I explained it to a lot of guys who didn’t and will never understand. One guy laughed in my face. Another promised to call me and never spoke to me again. Another texted me the next day to say he couldn’t date me anymore because sex was “too important” to him. All I knew was rejection, and I was pretty sure I was going to die alone after a long, loveless and sexless life. But if Jack was mean or hurtful or just not interested in me anymore, I wouldn’t have to see him ever again – he literally lived on the opposite side of the world. Plus, I would have a little buffer room for the next couple of days. I had planned to break off from the group and go to Busan – Korea’s second largest city – by myself before the wedding.

I didn’t have anything to lose.

I told him, “I have a pelvic floor condition called vaginismus. The muscles in and around my vagina involuntarily contract, so sex is really difficult – actually, it’s been impossible so far.”

“So, is there treatment for that?” He asked.

“Yes, I’ve been going to pelvic floor physical therapy for a few years. I’m in a really good place, I think I could do it.” Without having a partner, it was sometimes difficult to measure my progress in physical therapy, but I had recently been able to use what my physical therapist described as a “penis-sized” dilator.

Without skipping a beat, he offered, “I’ll take your virginity.”

Then we both burst out laughing. I was totally thrown off-guard. I was staring into the big brown eyes of this gorgeous, smart guy who was smiling back at me after I just admitted to being a 25-year-old virgin. He wasn’t turned off or put off or intimidated. He was still into me, he could see past this. I didn’t think anyone ever would.

I excused myself to go to the restroom so I could take a second to absorb what just happened. His response was so supportive and compassionate and sexy. I couldn’t believe it. I was going to have sex!

As I washed my hands, Jack burst into the women’s room, pushed me against the wall and kissed me hard. “I want to go to Busan with you tomorrow.”

The next morning, Jack met me at Seoul Station. As soon as we took our seats on the train, I wondered, WHAT THE HELL am I thinking?! I only met this guy 36-hours ago, and now we’re traveling in a foreign country together. Neither of us speaks the language. I’ve agreed to share my Airbnb with him and we’re planning on having sex.

I am definitely going to be murdered.

I didn’t even know if I could have sex, but, based on his reaction the night before, I felt like he would be understanding if I couldn’t. He was the first potential partner that I really felt like was taking a chance with me, rather than just seeing how far he could get.

Our Airbnb was a small, adorable studio apartment in a high-rise with floor to ceiling windows overlooking an incredible view of Busan’s most popular beach.

We started making out and he lead me to the bed. He lifted my dress up to my chest and removed my Spanx. We found that too much fingering and oral hurt after a bit. He asked if we should “just do it,” and I nodded. LET’S DO IT. So he rummaged in his bag for a condom. I told him to insert himself with my inhale as I was taught in physical therapy. I took a deep breath and he slipped inside.

It wasn’t like how I expected. I didn’t feel even an ounce of self-consciousness about my body. I didn’t worry about any of the sounds I was making – or not making. I didn’t feel like I was doing it wrong or that I needed to perform.

It was beautiful and amazing and perfect. I did have some pain, but he took his time and made sure I was ok along the way.

I held him tight as he finished and then I began to cry. I couldn’t help it. It was so overwhelming and I was so happy.

I thought of all the times guys rejected me for not being able to have sex and broke my heart. Or the times I left doctors’ offices in tears with no answers. How completely hopeless I felt after weeks and months and years of physical therapy.

Jack told me that it was “intense and really special.” He said he’d never forget it. He kissed me, gently ran his fingers through my hair and whispered, “You’re worth a little patience.”

That’s all I’d ever wanted: for someone to like me enough, to believe that I was worth the wait.

I had written off ever falling in love, getting married, or having kids, because having a functioning vagina seems to be a prerequisite for all those things. But now it felt possible.

The rest of our trip was incredible. Jack and I spent another magical day in Busan, which I now consider my favorite city in the world. We later met the rest of the wedding party in Ga Young’s hometown of Daegu. I loved every moment getting to know Matt and Ga Young’s families. Their wedding was the most beautiful event I’ve ever witnessed and I cried the entire time, even though the ceremony was done completely in Korean and I didn’t understand a single word of it.

For a few months after I got back home, Jack and I talked on the phone for hours every day. Even with the 12-hour time difference between Austin and Ho Chi Mihn City, we managed to always be in touch. I cried over him a lot. I shamelessly belt out Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” in my car more than I’d care to admit.

When I told people that it finally happened, they’d say, “Congratulations!” and then immediately take it back, worried that it was an inappropriate response. I’d assure them that it was the only response when someone achieves a goal she has been working very hard at for a very long time.

I knew that the act of having sex wasn’t going to change me; it wasn’t going to make me a better, more complete person. For me, it was really all about connecting with someone in a way I never have before – in a way all my peers were able to and I couldn’t.

I’ve heard a lot of my friends’ stories about their first times – and most of them were pretty terrible. I wish we didn’t put so much emphasis on the idea of “losing one’s virginity” and shaming those who “keep it” longer than average. I wish we taught girls to start having sex when they’re physically, emotionally, and mentally ready, rather than feeding them all kinds of contradictory messages that create timelines and deadlines – like “wait for marriage” or “hooking up is an important part of the college experience.” I think my experience was so great because I was listening to my body, being brave, taking a chance, and being exactly, precisely, 100% true to myself.

If I ever meet Amy Poehler, and I really hope I do, I’m going to tell her that I listened to her advice and did not have sex for the first time in a car. But, I’m really glad that I didn’t just “get it over with,” because my first time was absolutely worth the wait.