#1 isn’t completely true i do other stuff

[lazylittledragon]

How do you make art so fast, is it just practice? It seems like you post art weekly or even daily so how??? Fully with line art, colored and rendered? You have to be a wizard

i think it probably is just practice but also

1. i work from home and have no other hobbies and no social life

2. i’m an animator and a webcomic artist so i’m just used to getting stuff down really quickly

also when you just. draw the same guys repeatedly it helps with muscle memory

[sttoru]

·.⌇ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. you’ve been one of sukuna’s many concubines for quite a while now. yet, you still cannot get rid of the jealousy in your system whenever he interacts with the other women in his harem.

wc. idk around 1 to 2k

tags. true form!sukuna x concubine!female reader. angst (hurt to comfort), fluff, suggestive at the end. heian era. you call sukuna ‘my lord’. reader gets called ‘brat, little girl’. size difference. no part2, don’t ask i beg. not beta read.

“get back here, brat,” sukuna raises his voice as he follows you. he isn’t one to care about others’ emotional outbursts, yet here he is, chasing you after you’ve poured out your heart to him.

you don’t know why you’re this upset. you do know, however, that it’s childish of you to walk away mid dinner. you should’ve just stayed seated and refuse to let the thoughts consume you.

now you’re speed walking down the hallways of the estate—your legs carrying you as fast as they can without actually making a run for it. your mind keeps replaying the ‘unsettling’ scene that caused you to flee.

you remember it vividly. the sound of sukuna’s low, amused chuckle. how intrigued it was because of something another concubine told him—how he stopped chewing to say something back to her. which he rarely does.

hell, you’ve never seen him laugh around his other concubines.

“i do not wish to talk to you right now, my lord,” you reply, voice raised so the distance wouldn’t make it a hassle for the king of curses to hear you. you know that feisty attitude of yours entertains sukuna to no end.

he raises an eyebrow once he’s heard your voice; how it’s dripping with envy and hurt. you’ve never reacted like that before—at least not in his presence. it made him want to figure out why and how.

though, he can easily guess the reasoning behind your sudden defiance.

“oh, that so?” sukuna hums. he’s lenient with you this time around. he could catch up to you in under a split second, but he decides to give you that sense of accomplishment first before completely destroying it. he walks after you slowly, your fast steps being the same tempo as his slow pace.

you don’t answer. you’re stubborn. you have no right to feel jealous. you are a fairly new concubine—only a couple months ago did you join sukuna’s harem. yet, the time spent with him was precious.

he treats you differently. everyone notices that. everyone tells you the same. you know he does by the way he lets you off the hook with most stuff you say and do.

you don’t know what you did to gain his favouritsm, but it’s addicting. his attention is addictive. real addictive.

you had sworn not to develop any unneccessary feelings for that ruthless sorcerer. but, with the way sukuna treated you so gently behind closed doors, it was impossible not to.

you eventually reach the doors to your chambers. you slide them open and wish to close them behind you, only for a big hand to halt those movements. you freeze in place and refuse to look up at the owner of that said hand.

“look up,” sukuna demands. his voice causes goosebumps to appear on your arms, but you still don't budge. he clicks his tongue. that’s your first warning. two more and your punishment will be carried out, “we can do this the hard way too if you want.”

you turn your head, your fingers curling around the material of your kimono. you really should not feel this way about a little interaction between sukuna and his other concubine. that is none of your concern. what he does with those other women is none of your concern.

and yet. . .

“i don't want to,” you retort. sukuna walks into your room with a sigh. each step he takes forwards, you take backwards. your back finally bumps against the wall next to your bed.

sukuna towers over you, his tall and big frame making you feel vulnerable. especially with the way those red eyes of his are staring down at you. he crosses all four of his arms before speaking.

“tell me what’s running through that head of yours,” sukuna inquires sternly. he isn’t playing around anymore, you can tell. you glance the other way—knowing that he will laugh at you the moment you tell him why you’re upset.

you have a feeling he knows the reason behind your tantrum anyway.

“it’s nothing of importance, my lord,” you shake your head and relax your tense shoulders to make you seem less upset. your words have some truth in them—you don’t think your feelings of envy hold any value to him.

sukuna sighs again. he’s trying his best not to be annoyed at you. you’re his favorite and he wishes not to sadden you any further. he steps forwards, one hand moving to cup the side of your face.

his rough fingers play with a string of your hair, “i’m not stupid, little girl. i don’t like it when my woman is in distress.”

your heart skips a beat. this is what confuses you—how he can go from stern to gentle and vice versa. it’s surprisingly unexpected, which makes you long for more. even if his behaviour is confusing.

you look up at sukuna. your eyes meet for the first time in a good couple minutes. the corner of sukuna’s lips curls up into a satisfied smirk. that’s one step closer to getting you to open up.

“now,” the king of curses lowers his head to your eye level, the proximity all the more nerve wracking. he holds your jaw super tightly out of the blue. it makes you whimper.

“spit it out.”

there it is. the duality of the man strikes once more. you swallow the spit that’s been building up in your mouth. you bite your bottom lip lightly, trying to gather and form the right words to explain yourself.

sukuna wouldn’t understand. he’s a cold-hearted man who doesn’t care about such ‘trivial’ matters. he’ll just call you stupid, pathetic or whatever other derogatory term.

you stop your thoughts for a moment.

“it’s really just a stupid thing,” you mutter. your fingers curl around sukuna’s wrist—the one hand he’s using to firmly hold your jaw. you take a deep breath in, “i did not like it when you, errr. . . when that woman talked to you at the dinner table.”

your voice is clearly dripping with jealousy. pure, pure jealousy. and for what? because he talked to his other concubine. you feel stupid. you thought you discarded your personal feelings for the sorcerer before you the moment you turned into one of his many women.

“that woman?” sukuna tilts his head, feigning ignorance. that little grin on his face tells you enough. he’s playing with you like some form of entertainment. well, technically you are.

he wants you to be specific. he’s forcing you to be by acting like he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.

in all honesty, sukuna’s already forgotten what that woman had said to him. it wasn’t and still isn’t worth remembering. all he can recall is your adorable facial expression when you saw him interact like that with his other concubine.

that little frown on your face was priceless. it makes him want to keep teasing you.

“you know who i am talking about, my lord,” you huff, trying to look away, but get stopped by sukuna readjusting his grip on your jaw. he firmly yet gently taps your cheek once and you know what it means.

“attitude,” sukuna warns with a quick hiss. he can let you say whatever you want to him, but you also have some limits regarding which tone you use with him. you apologise quietly under your breath.

the king of curses nods in satisfaction before releasing the grip on your jaw. his large hand trails down to your neck, thumb rubbing up and down your throat, “so, my little girl is mad at me because i talked to another concubine of mine, huh?”

you nod mindlessly. sukuna can easily get you to comply with him—to obey his every word, simply with his actions. the terms of endearment he uses are the cherry on top. they slip off his tongue so easily with you.

“tsk tsk,” sukuna shakes his head. his hand is now on the back of your head, fingers tangled into your hair. he’s staring down at you with a smug expression. he knows he’s got you wrapped around his finger, “how childish of you.”

you knew that would be one of the things he’d say to you. what you didn’t expect is for him to go for a kiss right after. his lips land on yours firmly, and to no surprise, you instantly return the gesture.

your arms wrap around his neck—your chest pressing against his. sukuna wastes no time in picking you up and letting your legs encircle his waist. he’s not pulling away for air to breathe and you don’t either.

“you’re going to listen to me, yeah?” sukuna murmurs between passionate kisses. he’s holding onto you tightly with two arms, his free hands roaming over your body whilst he pins you against the wall.

when you whimper out a weak, high-pitched ‘yes, my lord’, he smirks against your mouth before turning to kiss your neck. he slightly bites the skin to make sure you’re paying attention to him.

“i don’t remember what that woman said,” sukuna continues, nearly out of breath because of the kisses he’s leaving all over you. he easily grabs both your wrists and pins them above your head on the wall, “i was too busy lookin’ at a much prettier concubine of mine.”

he pulls back a little so he can look you in the eyes. you’re panting and embarrassed by what he just said. one of his hands finds your face again, tracing the shape of your mouth.

“my favourite,” sukuna whispers whilst licking his lips. you can see it in his eyes: he’s silently planning out how he’s going to remind you of your place. your place as his favorite concubine.

he dips his head back down, aiming for the valley between your breasts. he closes his eyes before sucking on the surrounding flesh;

“guess i’ll be nice for once ‘nd show you just what it means to be my favorite so that you’ll never dare forget it again.”

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

gevivys (beauty) │ Chapter 5: Resolve

terms of endearment ‘verse: see my Masterlist for the correct series order!

Chapter 1 │Chapter 2 │Chapter 3 │Chapter 4 │Chapter 5 │Chapter 6 │Chapter 7 │Chapter 8 │Chapter 9 │Chapter 10 (COMPLETE!)

Synopsis: Daemon returns to King's Landing after ten years in exile, intent on rekindling his affair with Rhaenyra. He wasn't expecting you - the revelation changes everything.

Hello, all! I know, it’s so soon! But this one is a cobbled-together piece of stuff you’ve already seen, just padded out a bit more. I figured I might as well push it on out now, so here ya go! Featuring Jason Lannister for the very first time, to finally bring all this shit together a bit more cohesively. As always, thank you to my boobear @ewanmitchellcrumbs​ for reading though this and reassuring me it isn’t total shite!

TRIGGERS: incest, purity culture, age gap, general Daemon grottiness, allusions to non-consensual sexual situations.

According to most, Daemon Targaryen is a man in possession of little capacity for feeling beyond what is required to partake in lechery and barbarism. He knows himself; his disparagers are not entirely wrong. Except for one important, essential truth—he would die for his family. He loves his family.

Love, as he understands it, is what he has always felt when looking upon his brother, upon Rhaenyra. No matter the strife that has torn him from his kin time and time again, he can freely acknowledge that such sentiments will remain everlasting.

A kicked hound is one most loyal, he thinks with no small degree of bitterness. Or perhaps the meanest hound is more loyal. Either way, I am the hound—and my master, the king.

Love is what has wrenched harsh and twisting in his heart whenever he laid eyes on you, a toddling girl-child eternally eager for the cossetting attentions of your uncle, your kepa—and he had always been kepa, never Viserys, no, your father had never received an honour beyond being called ‘papa’ like any common pauper—now a stranger in so many ways.

The garden and the morning repast had served to ignite the wellspring of all his wildest desires, delivering to him seemingly all he had ever wanted in a prospective bride—young and beautiful, obedient and good-tempered, Valyrian of colouring and of status. But you had seemed smaller than your younger self, trapped in a prison of your own making, hidden beneath layers and layers of chaste courtesy and painstaking banality. And then, accompanying you to the Dragonpit had given him a curious glimpse into the power you kept hidden, the ancient strength of your lineage slipping through the cracks in your genteel veneer.

Regal. Arcane. These are the words that had come to mind watching you interact with your mount, none other than the famed Cannibal himself. Something of the majesty of the Conqueror lay within you, waiting for the necessary spark to kindle the flame. Your exchange with Athfiezar—your silent fearlessness, your devotion to your savage beast, your unassuming poise—reminds him that, for all your equally meek and mild-mannered nature, you are still Targaryen. You are still his sweetling.

It is this that elicits a consuming curiosity to know more.

You are an interesting puzzle, a strange contradiction, one whose buttermilk skin and pert teats and spit-shine lips should herald as a welcome to sample the delights hidden by the fabric of your darling little gowns. Yet, you act not as a silly young thing learning of her sway over men—teasing with fluttering lashes and bit lip and lilting tone as Rhaenyra had—but as a docile girl disinclined to press the limits of propriety as all maidens do. You ride the most savage dragon in the known world, and yet there is no such quality in you that echoes your mount’s disposition; instead, a loveliness that is near to cloying, pure and unadulterated and surely too good to be true. You are a fucking princess, and yet you are perfectly content to fade into the periphery, drawing little notice to yourself and seeking none from those around you, not even your own blood. A scholar, quick-witted and erudite, but somehow still so sweetly unknowing of the depravities that rule the minds of men who lay eyes on you.

You fascinate him. And his newfound realisation does not lessen his temptation to fuck you—to ply you with praise and charm and no small hint of avuncular affection (the reminder of your shared blood thrills him to the bone as always) so that, over time, you might be swayed to give your maidenhead to him—but, rather, that it results in a metamorphosis, a muddling, his longing mingling the base needs of the flesh with a rekindling of his fondness for you.

Which is why he cannot stand the presence of Jason Lannister.

“Why are you entertaining this farce?” Daemon asks, fists clenched at his sides. “A pompous fuck like him has no business anywhere near her.”

“Whatever is the problem, brother?” Viserys says distractedly, hunching over his miniature of Old Valyria and studying the replica of the Targaryen manse on the outskirts with intent. “Jason Lannister is Lord Paramount of the Westerlands. By any standard, I would think he is the best contender for her hand.”

That fucking model of his. Daemon resists the urge to smash the king’s stone city into rubble, though doing so might grant him the attentiveness he is sorely lacking from the man. “Are you not hearing me? He’s an arrogant cunt. He’d bore her in a sennight, let alone whatever hellish span of time an entire marriage would last.”

Viserys hums noncommittally. “She will make do”—he waves Daemon off—“as all noblewomen must when their fathers command them to marry. That is her lot in life. Besides, Lord Jason is one of the wealthiest men in the realm, and I am told he is rather pleasing to a lady’s eye. She could do worse than he.”

His brother’s remark is a fair one—of the trio, Jason is the preferable choice. And what a fucking miserable choice it would be.

He rolls his eyes. This is going nowhere. “And Tyrell? Your idiot son? Are they the ‘worse’ you speak of?”

Between that foppish peacock, his spiteful little twit of a nephew and the prancing lion, the latter just barely scrapes by as the best of the bunch.

“Enough, Daemon.” The king sighs, finally deigning to look up from his pile of rock. “These are the suitors she herself has chosen. I care not for the particulars, only that the girl should be wed before her eighteenth name day. Each of them possesses some quality I am sure she finds worthwhile…” At that, he pauses, brow furrowing. He squints up at Daemon. “What is your interest in the matter, anyway? It has naught to do with you.”

Shit. Daemon makes an evasive comment—something about sullying the purity of their noble lineage—and departs as quickly as he can, eager to escape the risk of Viserys’s suspicion falling on him. It would not do for the man to suspect his intentions toward yet another of his daughters.

He does not intend to seek you and the lord out, truly, but it nonetheless does not surprise him to realise that, upon freeing himself from the wrathful spiral of his own musings, his feet have taken him to the very same garden where he had first laid eyes upon you again after so many years, where you are now enduring the attentions of the insufferable Lannister patriarch. On this occasion, Cole is nowhere to be seen, and the entry is instead guarded by one of the Cargyll twins.

Daemon spies you on the path just inside, a careful distance placed between you and Jason. Though he cannot make out your expression from his vantage point, he observes well enough the flourishing bow the lord proffers in your direction, the polite curtsey you extend in return, his smug prancing step as he leaves your company. He sees the manner in which your shoulders droop, your head bowing as you turn to wander past the great tree and out of sight. My poor girl.

And then his view is blocked by a garish wash of red and gold.

“Prince Daemon,” Jason says with a haughty simper. With a curt nod, Daemon wordlessly returns the salutation. His lack of warmth is noticed. The Lannister lord hesitates for a moment before returning to his condescending civilities, forcing a relaxed stance. “I was most glad to hear of your return.”

He doubts that. There is little love lost between him and the lord. Jerking his chin toward the garden, he asks, “Leaving so soon, are we? I had thought the entire afternoon was devoted to this little outing.”

Jason chuckles awkwardly. “Well.” He scratches his beard. “The princess has another engagement to attend to. Something about a tutor.”

Thank the gods for that Lysan fellow. They had never met, but Daemon is certain he’d like the man well enough.

“Doesn’t concern you?” he asks, scarcely bothering to conceal the scepticism from his tone. At the confusion on Lannister’s face, he clarifies. “That she’d rather spend time with her tutor than with you?”

“Why would it, my prince?” is the answer, self-assured as ever. “He is old, and frail. Best for her to spend as much time with him as she can before she leaves for Lannisport.”

That genuinely irritates him, and not simply the notion of you being shipped off to the lurid monstrosity that is Casterly Rock. Even he knows that your meetings with your tutor are less obligations and more gatherings of friendship—your spirit would surely crumble if you were denied your dearest companion after being coerced to marry.

Daemon suppresses a sneer. “Your confidence is… admirable.” If misplaced, he wants to add.

“There is little competition to be found,” Jason says with a toss of the head. His tawny hair rustles in the gentle breeze, giving him the appearance of the sigil his house has claimed. Fucking ridiculous. Then, the man has the audacity to clap a palm against his arm. “Never fear—I shall take utmost care of her. She’ll want for nothing as my lady wife.”

He shrugs off the over-familiarity, stepping out of reach. “For a time, perhaps. And in a decade? Two? A princess of the realm has no business playing nursemaid to her husband in his dotage.”

He is older than I, he thinks. And if she is truly considering him above the others, then…

“I might be the eldest of her suitors, yes,” the man says, a tense smile disguising his offense poorly. “But I have a rather substantial inheritance, unlike the Prince Aegon, and my constitution is more… pleasing than the Lord Tyrell, I’m sure.” His mouth curves into a knowing smirk at that, leaving Daemon with no uncertainty as to what he really means. That little— “I would not dismiss Jason Lannister from the competition just yet. She will choose me. I suggest you accustom yourself to reality, Prince Daemon.”

He grunts dismissively, incensed. There is no reply he can give in this moment that won’t incite the Lannisters to break faith with House Targaryen; and so, he chooses to remove himself from the odious man’s presence entirely, stalking past with nary a word of farewell.

You sit where your younger half-sister had a scarce moon’s turn ago, eyes fixed toward your lap, turning an ornament about with your small fingers. As he nears, the lion salient glimmers in the sun, gold against gold in dazzling vulgarity. Of course, he’d gifted her something with his own fucking sigil on it. What a worthless bequest.

When he calls your name, you hardly react. Your gaze flickers up to him for a mere moment before falling once more, resuming your surveyance of the item in your grasp. There is a pensive expression lingering in your frown, the crease in your brow. It tells him all he needs to know of your true feelings for the Lannister lord, regardless of the man’s own delusions.

“Why—you look positively miserable, sweetling,” he says, settling himself beside you. You glance up at him again, sullen pout puffing out your lower lip. Though your disposition is so downtrodden, it is tempting to press his thumb to that lip, to push inside and feel the wet warmth of your tongue pulse against his flesh in a coquettish tease. “Not enjoying being courted? The gifts, the attention, the romance…”

You take the bait beautifully. Starting at his reference to the pendant in your hold, your nostrils flare exasperatedly. “No. No. I—I just—” You stop, shaking your head. “Never mind.”

“Go on,” he cajoles gently, lowly. “Tell Uncle Daemon.”

It is all the encouragement you need. “There is little romance to be found in this—this charade.” You sigh, eyes fixed on some minute detail past his head. He’s struck by the melancholy in your voice. “These men—Lord Jason, Lord Denys, Aegon—they do not want me. They want an idea of me. A Targaryen bride with pale hair and Valyrian blood. One who will give them children they shall make little effort to raise, a silent doll to clasp onto and show off at feasts and balls… as though possessing me is somehow meaningful. They do not—they do not see me.”

It’s here your voice cuts off strangely. He wishes it hadn’t, for he finds himself enthralled by the mournful monologue that paints a picture of the loneliest girl in King’s Landing. There is something yearning and haunted in that saccharine stare of hers, he thinks. A babe with her arms held out, wailing at the world as it leaves her abandoned in the crib. It’s an eerie echo of a conversation that took place a decade prior, though the lead role lacks the infantile petulance of the previous star.

He finds himself retracing those steps almost without realising.

“Idīnnon dēmalio syt verdilla mērī issa. Dīnakson toliot, gaoso gaomagon kostas.” He is testing, prodding, waiting for what might result from his efforts. Marriage is only a political arrangement. Once you are wed, you can do as you like.

The words make your cheeks flush fetchingly and your brow wrinkle once more, glancing back at him apprehensively. Pretty pink girl with a pretty pink blush; how far down does it spread? You swallow—pause—look away, wrestling with a thought. You peep back up at him.

“Se skorverdon jessivo aōt kesrȳsi jiōrtas?” you ask with surprising cynicism. You exhale loudly, staring at some fixed point in the distance. “Ābrazȳri buttā, riñar daor, mērpāves… Tolī jaelan.”

And how much joy did this bring you? you say. A wife you hated, no children, loneliness… I want more. The quiet longing in your voice is palpable.

He grimaces at the mention of his bronze bitch—he’d rather not know how widespread the knowledge of the circumstances around her… accident… had been in the wake of his departure.

“What is it you want, then?” he asks, switching back to the Common Tongue, the corner of his mouth already contorting in anticipation of the naïve response. True love, a happily ever after… We don’t get to have happy endings, he thinks to himself.

“I want someone who loves me,” you say, pressing on crossly at the huff of laughter that escapes him. “I never said I would love him!”

The pessimistic elucidation takes him aback. Again, it is not exactly what he had been expecting. Full of surprises today. He tips his head consideringly at you, inviting you to continue.

You hesitate for a moment.

“I… They say my father loved my mother. I believe it, but—” You swallow, the corners of your mouth turning down as you mull over your words. “They say he had a choice when baby Baelon was born. That he could cut her open to get the babe out, but that it would mean her certain death.”

Gods above. Where in the seven hells had you learned that piece of information? Viserys had kept the circumstances of Aemma’s death under tight wraps, never even deigning to mention it to his own brother. It was pure happenstance that one of the maids he enjoyed fucking at the time had been present on the unfortunate day.

Your eyes glisten as you speak, limpid pools of lilac glowing like fire in the light. “I do not think I could ever choose my own life over my child’s—but they say he did not even ask her, that he just… held her down while they—How could I ever trust a man to raise the babe I bore him if he would be willing to butcher his own wife in her childbed?”

He watches as you clench your eyes tight, set your jaw and exhale a few shuddery breaths. When they blink open, they are no longer so tear-bright. Daemon suddenly admires you for it, for the way you so ruthlessly suppress weakness. He wonders how often you’ve been made to force back your pain for the good of your family.

“What happened to your mother was a terrible tragedy, sweetling.” He reaches forward to finally grip your small, pale hand in his. It is cold and dwarfed entirely by his own. “But you cannot live in fear forever.”

You make to pull your hand away. He closes his grip tighter upon it, coercing you to look up at him properly.

“When hope is gone, what choice left is there but fear?” It is a whisper, carried on the breeze, and the thinly veiled misery pains him in the chest, right in his heart.

I thought that beating thing was black and dead by now, he thinks to himself.

You shake your head, smile. The picture of the melancholy maiden fades from view as you affect an appearance of energy once more, gentle and muted as it is. “I know my father loved my mother, and so love is no guarantee of loyalty. But it would be helpful, I think.”

“You see love and loyalty as intertwined, then?” he cannot help but ask. He is intrigued by this rare showing of spirit, of vitality, a resurrection of his baby niece from long ago. It is you, finally—his little girl, only now you possess the curves of a gold-gilded whore and the thousand-year gaze of an ancient, arcane being.

“Do you not?” Your head is tilted like an inquisitive bird’s, artlessly assessing. “You cannot have one without the other. Loyalty without love makes for an easy traitor, and love without loyalty makes for an unhappy marriage.”

He laughs again at the latter part of your pronouncement. A sweet, trusting little filly waiting to be broken in.

“There are many ways to love someone, princess.” He ogles you shamelessly, savouring the affectation of outraged bewilderment painting your countenance. “I imagine you’ll find few of them in the marriage bed.”

He waits for you to question him—to ask him what he means, to ask him to explain, to teach you, show you—but instead, you pull back, taking all the warmth from his palm with you.

“I dislike your implication, Uncle,” you say stiffly, returning your hand to your lap and nestling it between your thighs to retain the heat.

Fuck.

He backtracks raising his hands in a jesting show of defeat. “I meant nothing by it, gevivys.”

Beauty. It is an apt title. An underwhelming one, even. Surely there is little else more beautiful than the sight you make here, now, a rich blush spreading along the unblemished expanse of your chest—regrettably enclosed by pale damask just above the protrusion of your tits—the planes of your throat, not quite travelling up to decorate your cheeks.

You sigh. “You never do.”

Daemon lets the conversation lull, deciding to instead look upon the little revelation before him. You are an interesting puzzle, one whose decorum in the face of his gentle compulsion—that same persuasion he had so often utilised to get fetching girls to strip bare for him and show off their equally-as-fetching cunts—had instead left him lacking. The body of a slut and the mind of a scholar, all wrapped up in wide eyes and honey-sweet words and wild hair the shade of Old Valyria. Of home.

A wild thought seizes him. If he leans forward, he could do it. He could grip you by the back of the neck and pull you to him, press his lips to yours and coax you past your panic and fear and into a hot, sweeping rhythm, a push and pull of tongue and teeth that would set you both alight. And from there, how simple would it be to murmur pretty praise as he lowers you down, raises your skirts up, cleaves you open until your blood wets his cock with the proof of his claim, incontestable, not even by the king himself? The deed would be messy, perhaps distressing and no doubt painful, but it would solve several issues at once. He would be free to do as he likes with his lascivious desires after you are made to wed him, and you would be free from your pitiful suitors and given a husband worthy of you. In time, the hurt and shock and fright would fade, he knows it.

He could. He could. He—

The spell is broken. Your attention is diverted by the yells of a dark-haired boy as he bowls his way to you, throwing himself across your lap with a cry of your name. Daemon tries not to glare at young Lucerys as he tries to roughhouse with you. Having somewhat learned the schedules of his family, it baffles him somewhat that the child is not at his daily lessons. Should Laenor not have him now?

The thought must conjure the man himself, the Velaryon scion appearing seemingly out of nowhere. Laenor’s expression is forbidding as he strides over to you and his son, silver locs swinging with the velocity of each step. With his glare affixed to his face, he reaches a hand down to you in silent command, staring daggers at Daemon all the while.

What the hells is his problem?

You take hold of your goodbrother, bewildered, and allow him to tug you gently from the bench beside Daemon. Lucerys slides from beside you with a rustle, easily revolving around to dart toward the grass. You are already grabbing at the boy’s wrist to stop him running off.

Daemon watches Laenor attempt to rearrange his countenance into something less violent. “Would you take Luke off to the training yards, sister?”

A look of vague incomprehension crosses your face at the question. At least she senses the oddity, too, he acknowledges.

Laenor’s head turns down to where he sits, and it is then that it dawns on him that his nephew-by-marriage has very possibly been watching him stare at his baby niece’s tits for longer than he can claim plausible deniability of.

Ah, shit. The darting, mistrustful gaze suddenly makes sense.

“Of course, Laenor,” you say sweetly, biddably.

Daemon cannot help but wonder what else you might comply with if gently persuaded. He glances up at you from where he sits, smirking as you turn to him.

“It seems we must part for now, sweetling,” he tells you. He ignores Laenor’s grimace from behind you.

“It does.” You shift lightly. It is clear to see that there is something about your shared conversation that has unnerved you. The notion sends a trail of perverse excitement through him. He wonders what other reactions he might prompt out of you with gentle teasing. “I—thank you, Uncle. For listening.”

The words are honest, free of artifice. It is surprisingly warming to hear. When you make to depart, he calls you back.

“What—no goodbye kiss for your beloved uncle this time?” he asks, hoping he’ll bait you into action. He determinedly disregards Laenor’s huff, eyes trained on you as you swallow with trepidation before quickly making the short few steps back to him.

Your knee settles on the seat beside him, clearly meant to be no more than a brief resting place so that you may carry out his implicit request and leave—if not for the way in which your skirts gather around your leg in a manner assured to result in your toppling over should you attempt to rise without fixing them. Daemon turns his head to yours as you free yourself from the tangle. Up close, closer than he would ever dare get usually, he can see each lash that frames your eyes, the hairs that sprout from your brows, the slick cherry bloom of your mouth—a whisper-sweet gather of plump, plush fruit he wants, needs, to take a bite from.

Would you let me, little girl? he wonders.

You gasp, a short little breath of surprise, and lurch away lightly at the closeness. A brave little thing, you return to him, pressing those precious petal-soft lips to the skin of his cheek. Your covered breasts press involuntarily against his arm.

Fucking hells.

“Sȳz bantis, kepus.” Good evening, Uncle, you say in that light little accent of yours, an unintended provocation of his basest yearnings.

With that, you bundle the boy up in your capable little hands and make for your destination, the Cargyll knight falling into formation behind you.

“Care to explain—well, all of that?” Laenor asks.

Oh—yes. Daemon pushes himself from his seat, deliberately stalling while he thinks of a response that isn’t what the fuck how the fuck when the fuck and why.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” he says idly, slyly, glancing over at him.

“No!” His goodnephew leans forward into his space. He is taken aback by the vehemence in his tone, uncharacteristic of the bumbling, affable man. “You don’t get to do this to her. Not this one. Not this time.”

“Whatever do you think I plan to do to her?” Daemon laughs, wondering at the answer himself.

Whatever would she let me do to her?

Laenor sighs, steps back.

“Look.” He nudges him to walk alongside as they make for the garden’s entry. “She’s not one of your whores, Daemon. She’s just a girl. She’s not the type to play your twisted little games, so leave her be—please.”

He is warmed by the defence of your goodbrother, an admission of familiarity and care that is sure to have flourished since the man’s entrance into the family some years ago.

“What makes you think I have any intention of—how did you put it—playing games with her?” If he were a little less honest with himself, he would be affronted by the manner in which Laenor has jumped straight to an accusation. But Lord Flea Bottom’s reputation is inescapable, even after so many years. “Perhaps my objective is pure and wholesome.”

“Right.” Laenor snorts, shaking his head as he folds his hands behind his back. “You’re far more likely to fall in with her horde of suitors than to believably claim familial interest.”

True. And yet… why not? He’s conceived all manner of plots to satiate his wants, from drunken fumbles in the dark to his half-baked impulse from but a moment ago. Unlike his previous conquests, though, he doubts the need will dissipate after a single fuck. You are too important to him—his precious girl turned darkest desire, the only woman he could ever deign to carry on his line with.

Viserys has been pressuring him to seek out a bride. He mightn’t be happy with the prospect of his brother asking for his daughter’s hand, exactly, but there is surely no debate that he is the best contender. Not Jason. Not Denys. Not fucking Aegon. Daemon. And, well, if the asking should go poorly—how simple would it be to whisk you away to Dragonstone, to speak the vows and seal the deed before it can be undone? There is no risk this time, no Iron Throne to lose, no treaty or agreement that cannot be broken…

He can see it now. Your sweet little face peering up at him, marked with his blood, lip dripping red with the pledge of entangling your souls together in savage Valyrian custom. Your pretty little eyes wide with maidenly shock as he breaches your untried cunt, tight and pulsing and hotwetwarm, binding you to him irrevocably. The slow waddling of your gait as you round with child, his child, his sweetest babe bringing forth life of her own, belly ripe with seed and leaking his spend—

“Laenor,” he says slowly, eyes glinting as his lips upturn in a wide grin, “I do believe you have the best ideas.”

Read the story on AO3 here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42100623/chapters/120880855

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[cerastes]

What's your read on Andreanna's 'love at first sight' line? It could be fun to just take it as face value and just assume it's just her having a crush on Skadi and Spectre (making her utter lack of connection to them on the network very funny), but I feel like there's something else going on there. Is it seaborn stuff? Something to do with her being an abyssal hunter knockoff having some kind of innate admiration for the original?

It’s because she’s a Walmart Abyssal Hunter, yeah.

The line in question:

Andreana feels something completely and utterly puzzling and maybe even thrilling when see sees Specter and Skadi, so she says this. It’s further elaborated on in her Module lore:

In her Module, Andreana explains that she was making a joke with that comment, however, it is true that she felt weird and bothered, Felt A Ways, as some would say, when looking at them or in their immediate presence. Then she posits that this physiological reaction might have to do with That Weird Backstory Of Hers, but also, 1) she doesn’t really care too much about it, and 2) it sounds like a pain in the ass so she doesn’t want to find out.

As we all know (and if not, as you’ll learn now), Abyssal Hunters can sense each other on a level that other people can’t. They perceive each other as they would a wave, a sea current, the smell of the sea, even its temperature, if close enough to each other. In Under Tides, for example, Skadi immediately perks up when Gladiia breaks into Specter’s room to steal her away, because she immediately ‘smelled’ a cold, strong wave of seawater coming from her room. That’s how Gladiia ‘smells’ or ‘feels’. It is stated at various points that Hunters don’t even need words to communicate if they so choose, with Specter in particular feeling like land-dweller language is bothersome to a fault at first, and Skadi addressing that with “no yeah I hated it at first too, still can’t get used to it, but it’s got its virtues”. It also explains a little why Skadi is so stoic and laconic: She literally isn’t used to talking or needing to, but I digress.

It’s easy to extrapolate that this is precisely what Andreana is feeling when she sees the Hunters: She’s “feeling” them but has no earthly clue as to what the hell that is in the first place. Proper Aegir Hunters have an education — Gladiia taught Laurentina not just about the Hunter trade, but also about art in general, with a focus on dancing — that prepares them to be Hunters and have the information needed given to them. Andreana has memory issues and not a damn clue of what the dicken is going on when she “feels” a Hunter, no context, so her first assumption is “Huh. Love at first sight?” because why the hell is she feeling something as intimate as what kind of waves and breeze they are from just looking at them? Then, a while later, since Andreana is a pretty pragmatic, logical, no-nonsense person, she starts putting the legos together and thinking, oh, yeah, might have to do with my Mysterious Circumstances, on second thought. Then she shrugs it off and keeps fiddling with her crossbow.

In Kal’tsit’s own words Andreana 200 Trust Files), if Laurentina or Didi can be considered a proper inkwell, Andreana is a droplet of ink in a glass of water: A facsimile, an attempt at something, an aberration. Of course, this callous indictment isn’t directed at Andreana, it’s aimed at what was done to Andreana.

And since I know I’ll get an ask about it, I’ll take the liberty of plugging Andreana into Drimo’s patented Just A Guy spectrum. Is Andreana Just A Guy (gender neutral)? Not quite. Let’s compare and contrast with our favorite specimen, Shalem. Shalem is terrified of his backstory and runs from it at every turn, until it was impossible for him to refuse it any longer (IS2), Andreana, on the other hand, is aware that she has a backstory. She KNOWS there’s lore, but she doesn’t really want to meet it. The backstory ambushes her, but Andreana says “no thank you :)” and walks past it. It’s a pain in the ass. She’d rather play paintball. She’s not normal, is keenly aware of it, and doesn’t give a zalak’s ass about it. Can’t be bothered! Simply uninterested!

[nihilistem]

Hey! I read your study tips both posts regarding adhd . (Feel free to ignore )

I am still undiagnosed and I think it's adhd but i do not have the resources nor the environment or support system to do anything about it .I am a high schooler preparing for entrance exams and i really need to like get my shit together and i feel like i have wasted sm time already but i really do want to get better. When i sit to study i just can't focus if I keep my phone in some other room then also i would just sit and stare at my books without accomplishing something. I am trying really but it's feels like my brain is frozen and my body is moving .my brain keep screaming guilty and ashamed but i can't seem to do anything about it.your study post actually i related to a lot because pomodro kind of seems to be working for everyone but me and the you described the exact same things I do

I know this is a lot to ask for please feel free to ignore but how do I stop Letting my emotions take over and study consistently because I only have one chance at the exams

Oh my, first of all I’d like to say that, as cliché as it is, I know exactly how you feel. I was undiagnosed for so long (I was only diagnosed a few months ago) and I didn’t even know that the adhd things I experience on a regular basis wasn’t normal or neurotypical for so long.

first up : I know this is difficult, but please do not say such things about yourself. I’m not gonna get into the whole thing, (cuz I have done a post on that already) but it’s true that the more you drill that bad stuff into your brain, the more it’s gonna stick. We need our brains to be in the best condition possible to study efficiently and saying bad stuff about yourself that isn’t even true is just going to hinder your performance. You got this. I promise you’re not lazy. Your brain just isn’t motivated by the same things others are, but we can work with that simple difference.

I’ll make a separate post on how not to let your emotions take over, but for now …

adhd study tips for those trying to get into the habit.

— by a stem student with adhd.

here’s my first post on adhd study tips.

— don’t put your phone in a different room. Instead, download an app that prevents you from using other apps on your phone.

there’s plenty of apps that do this but the one I prefer is ypt because all its features are completely free and it stops your timer when you exit the app unless you enter ‘allowed app mode.’ I don’t know about you, but if I find that I’m just zoning out on my textbook then I end up stopping my timer and deleting the record because I know I didn’t actually study, and this motivates me to actually get some work done. The timer also gets me motivated to keep going for longer so I have physical proof of my focus time and studies. It will feel good to even have just 1 hour of study time on it, I promise.

— even if you’re not interested in your studies, try your best to find even one thing that interests you.

novelty, challenge and interest are some of the best motivators of the adhd brain, so use it. I know that sparking your curiosity for a subject you hate seems impossible, but hear me out.

ever since I was young, I was exposed to books and I drew everyday. This caused me to become very passionate about the arts, but since I had adhd and didn’t know, I failed all my classes and specifically hated chemistry because it was specifically designed to be everything that I can’t be good at due to my poor memory and the need to memorize a TON of concepts. Then during class one day, I was doing chemistry work with my friends and felt frustrated that they could easily balance equations and work out which compounds were acids or bases purely by its chemical formula. And that’s what sparked me to start reading my textbook to see what the big deal was. How was it possible for one to just know when something is a acid solely from looking at a bunch of letters? This started a chain reaction; I found my answer, and found that the process of finding my answer and learning this new information was fulfilling. So I looked at all the other chemistry topics, and it turns out chemistry was fun. I was supposed to be an art student but now I’m majoring in chemistry and biology, all because of that sense of challenge and curiosity I was given that day.

tdlr; I was bad at chemistry but I’m now majoring in it because I felt challenged by a friend and was curious to know how they could solve chem equations easily.

All it took was a bit of curiosity. It’s a very powerful thing to the adhd brain. And if you use this as a motivator for your studies it might even cause you to hyper-fixate on your work, which means you’ll naturally spend more time studying just to find all the answers you’re now dying to know.

— use the pomodoro timer, but think about the things that you have to do that seems a little impossible to do under 25 minutes.

This fulfills the ‘challenge’ category I mentioned in the previous tip.

Let me explain; I subconsciously started doing this to myself without anyone telling me this and it’s helped me a LOT. Here’s an example;

“This chapter’s too long, it’s impossible to read through everything and understand the key concepts in just twenty five minutes.”

is it, though?

So I was off to the races, genuinely reading through every page and taking note of every single heading or bold or italicized word so I will be able to summarize the entire topic by the time the twenty five minutes is up.

And it doesn’t even matter if you don’t make that twenty five minute mark, because you’ll feel a sense of defeat and try it again with another chapter/topic.

this accomplishes two things; one, the work you’ve been putting off or zoning out on is now probably 20% - 50% completed and now you feel motivated to continue. Two, this method will train you to be faster in learning or studying new material or even just completing work in general, depending on what you’re challenging yourself to do.

— dress up, do your hair, study at a library or cafe you love (and possibly make pretty notes.)

I’ve talked about interest, I’ve talked about challenge, and now I’m gonna talk about novelty.

Do this with purpose! But what do I mean by that?

I’m sure you’ve come across studious girls in media or even people on social media making videos and taking pretty photos of their day out to study. Usually they’re dressed the part and even if they’re not, there’s a certain vibe, aesthetic or aura about them that is just so desirable that it makes you wish you were doing what they were doing. And if you don’t feel this way, find content creators or media that do make you feel this way.

How will this help me? Well, there are actually a few reasons but the first one that comes to mind is that this is also an adhd tip used outside of studying. Combining a task you don’t want to do with a task you’d like to do is a faster and more efficient way of convincing yourself to do long, difficult or even tiring tasks. Another is that doing this would also mean you’ve technically gotten yourself to desire studying, something more commonly known as romanticizing studying. If you make studying look fun, glamorous or even desirable for yourself then you’re sure to get to the hideous parts of it. Think about being a straight A student, someone who’s always wearing nice clothes with great hair and such a focused work ethic. Once you desire to be that person and you dress like that person, you’ll start to do the things that person will do.

— use the pomodoro timer but set it to even shorter bursts instead. (e.g. 15 minutes work, 5 minutes break.)

Or hell, on my worst days I set it to 5 minutes work, 5 minutes break.

The whole point of this exercise is to just start, because that’s arguably the hardest part about studying, you can’t get yourself to actually start or to actually focus. So promise yourself a five minute break after a very short amount of time of reading.

— skip straight to the questions of a topic, try to do them and identify the information you need to get the answer right.

For example, I came across a bio question that was rather simple but I didn’t know the answer to because I haven’t revised the topic for a while, and the question was, what is needed in the body for anaerobic respiration to take place? And the answer was simple, but I didn’t know because again, I didn’t study the material before answering the paper.

one’s brain can have the habit of being complacent especially when you don’t wanna do work, so diving head first into the questions and realizing that you don’t know jack shit would be a good wake up call for you and your brain—and this can connect to the second point that I made because you might find that you’d be eager to get the answer right all on your own, and become curious as to what the answer is.

important to remember …

erase everything bad that you were told or led to believe about studying. I promise that if you look for ways to make it engaging for you and form a habit, studying can be something you don’t dread or worry about everyday. You are capable. This is the start of your journey. Yes, the question of ‘what if I get distracted again’ will always be there but think about what could happen if today is the first day you’re not distracted. If you don’t at least try to start now, you will have zero chance of being able to actually focus and study. But if you try, the worst that will happen is that you tried. If you keep trying, it will happen. I promise.

If you need any more tips regarding adhd, (or being undiagnosed,) please do let me know. I’ll do my best to help.

[telemy]

Completely on yours and hers(?) side in all of this. IK the main complaint is that Ant wants to rape Penelope but that wasn’t even in the original story. In an au you can change whatever you want and Jorge did exactly that w Epic as well (how the sirens look, the fact that Odysseus had wax in his ears in the song but in story was tied to the mast pole to listen to them, the ant wanting to rape Penelope etc). “It’s disrespectful to Jorge” my brother in Zeus Jorge didnt make the original story. In the shipping au I could totally see Ant going “damn can’t convince this woman to be my wife guess I gotta put the moves on the heir of the kingdom. Gonna be king one way or another” cause bro doesn’t care abt her as a person even in the story he just wants the power which is where the idea comes from and it’s a fun idea to explore!

For the age thing: Tele is 20 theres no exact age for Ant in the book but he didn’t go to war w the others 20yrs ago so he had to have been somewhere between 0-10 so at most there’s a 10yr age dif which isn’t that bad (my own parents have a 16yr age dif) Penelope is around 39 cause she got married to Odysseus at 18 and had Tele at 19 (if I’m doing the math right) and then Odysseus immediately went to war soon after his birth and took all of age/able bodied men w him (I couldn’t find the exact age of when men in Ancient Greece were “of age” but it’s gotta be somewhere between 10-16 (puberty age range).

IK google sucks recently Yall but it doesn’t take too much effort to look into this - sincerely a half Greek a half Italian that used the original Greek myths to bind w her culture cause her immigrant parents wouldn’t teach her their native language

Its good to see people from greek culture Agree with all this :]

Every Au changes depending on the creator, in my Au the only difference is that he actually does love Telemachus (and grew up with him). Its a shame that i can't know about Elian's Au because all what happened, and It hurts.

I also think that they shouldn't speak in the place of Jorge. Talya (Wich is literally Jorge's girlfriend) supported Elian and loved her art, wich doesn't give "the creator hates this' vibes..

Also, i noticed non-greek people saying stuff about greek culture and involving it on all of this, wich isn't cool..

(Im not greek, but im an Hellenistic Pagan, and i seen people say that changing myths affects the religion and offends us, wich isn't true. Thats like telling a Zeus devotee that they can't worship Zeus because he did bad stuff in the myths. Myths are myths, fictional, and they are NOT related to the religion.)

Also! In the book 22 of the actual Odyssey, wich is practically before he died, Antinous is called "Young man" wich means that he was still a Young man before he died. This in ancient greece was really Young, probs between 16-21/22/23 or so, wich means he could even be Telemachus' actual age. (Altho, i believe him being atleast 1 year older, he gives off the vibe)

Regardless, thanks for sharing your opinion on the subject, me and more people getting cancelled from all of this apreciate it, we love you 🫶

[beauty-and-passion]

CCCC Vol.1 - Cacophony: entering the lore (1/5)

Hello and welcome back to my analysis of CCCC.

Do you see that little beautiful number in the title? Well, the Cacophony act is long, I couldn’t fit an entire analysis into one single post. It would’ve been endless, Mucka Blucka alone took this entire first post!

So you will get the full analysis in manageable pieces and I will introduce each piece with a brief recap, so we won’t miss anything ;)

A brief recap of what we got from the Calamity act:

The events are stuck in a time loop, caused by the clash between Heart and Mind

Chonny starts to show his frustration regarding writing songs others already wrote

Soul is introduced and the poor guy is so tired of everything (from Heart and Mind to the loop), to ponder suicide. But in the end, he finds the strength to give it another try. Maybe things will be different this time.

<- Previous post - First post

_______________________________

Mucka Blucka (Intro to Cacophony): welcome to the lore

"I decided to do the ENTIRETY of MMMM, and it’d be very, very funny if the dumb chicken song was the most verbose in the album." (Chonny’s Q&A)

Well, it is funny that the stupid song got the honor of being not just the most verbose of the album, but also the introduction to the lore and the preview of what will come.

*

A clear vision: Chonny makes it clear from the very first verses that:

We will see his struggles, pain and dark thoughts  (“My blood, my sweat, my open doors”, as he will say in Taken for a Ride)

The songs are full of metaphors

There is a time loop ("So when we come back here again, and the start becomes an end/Consider this lamentation a foreword")

*

Awareness of the time loop: In Dream, Soul showed us he’s aware of the loop. Now Heart and Mind show the same awareness.

This confirms the point I previously made about all sides knowing the same stuff Chonny knows. No delay of information, here

This justifies Soul’s frustration even more. He knows they should come back into one and yet, the other two sides still haven’t learned a single thing after so many loops

*

The loop as a punishment: while talking about the loop, Heart and Mind say that they are “condemned” to repeat it.

From one side, none of them is taking the blame. It’s as if it’s not their fault, but the fault of something outside of them. Maybe an event that influenced them.

From a meta perspective, it’s very poetic/tragic, because Heart and Mind are condemned to clash every time, because of their contrasting natures. Because, as Chonny said in the Q&A, they’re parts of the same being and yet, they “can produce completely separate and juxtaposed conclusions from a single input”. So it’s not specifically their fault the loop happened: it’s because they are built this way.

*

Wanting and refusing the audience: Chonny wants an audience that listens to him, but at the same time, he acknowledges his audience isn’t able to understand his work:

Who will refuse to properly see The man behind the lines The triplicated rhymes

And later on, he says his audience cannot help him either.

This all anticipates and connects to Greener. In that song too, Chonny will show the same apparent contradiction - it will also be explained better, so for now, I’ll just point out how Chonny shows the same consistent vision.

(But yes, this thought is understandable. Every artist wants an audience, even if they’re not the main reason why art is made. Art is an artist’s need first and that’s particularly true in Chonny’s case. But we’ll talk about that in the Concord act.)

*

The current leader: First Soul wants to introduce us to their “poultric pullet commander”, then Mind immediately follows, by saying: “The coward in question? By now, you know him so well”.

And since we will soon learn that Mind doesn’t have a high consideration of Heart, we can safely deduce that yes, the current leader is Heart. And yes, this makes sense in the overall narrative.

*

Heart: Sisyphus, hate, the despited

Heart is Sisyphus: just like him, he’s forced to roll his rock up the hill (aka to keep their vessel moving forward). And every time he’s almost reached the top, every time he feels they’re accomplishing something, his efforts are in vain and they come back to square one. And he’s doing it for a very long time. Can’t really blame him, if he gets overwhelmed by pessimism.

Heart is associated with hate: as seen before, Heart can be pessimistic and dark, and that's because he’s not just the bearer of positive feelings. As he will say in The Heart Acoustic, he’s “the emotional side”, not the “positive emotions only side”.

Heart is the despited: he embodies all emotions and those are instinctual, uncontrollable forces. We always blame them (and consequently our hearts) when they make us do stupid shit.

(And how we’re aware we’re doing stupid shit? Thanks to our minds. So yes, Mind despising Heart for everything he does makes perfect sense too.)

*

Mind: time, berate, the freak

Mind is associated with time: a great reference to Ruler of Everything, a song about how time is the ruler of everything and, by association, how Mind is the ruler of their vessel… or at least, that’s what he wants to be, because for now their leader is still Heart.

Mind berates Heart and oh my god if he does it. He spends entire songs to diss the other side, "berate" is the perfect verb for him.

Mind is a freak: again, incredibly human and understandable. Not just because Mind is a freak (Heart himself will call him "automaton freak" and his appearance on the album cover is freakish too), but also because it's very common to associate cleverness with freakiness. The more clever someone is, the more they look/act like a freak. And who is more of a freak, if not the embodiment of the mind himself?

*

Soul: minutiae, amalgamate, the enlightened and the free

Soul is associated with minutiae, through a reference to 1984: just like Winston in the Ministry of Truth, so Soul feels in his powerful position, forced to drag himself through every futile, trivial detail. Like, you know, listening to Heart and Mind's "silly war" (The Bidding).

Soul is associated with "to amalgamate": again, his vision is clear, he remembers the goal. To become one.

Soul is the enlightened, because he's the only one remembering that goal from start to end and actively working for it. The other two get... well, a bit lost on the way.

Soul is the free: as stated in Dream, he's the most powerful of these three characters. The other two aim to control him, but Soul cannot be controlled.

*

A connection with Sanders Sides: these two lines made my brain immediately click

And sure, I lament the lack of a hen to share with in sick or in health But how am I supposed to love another when I barely know myself?

Why? Because they’re a lot similar to this line:

[Thomas]: Do I really know myself as well as I should?

and this line is the premise of Sanders Sides. So yes, it’s interesting (and understandable) that both stories open with the same idea of “not fully understanding yourself” as a starting point for a deeper exploration of the self.

The big difference is that Chonny takes one step further and doesn’t just tell he doesn’t know himself… but that he cannot pretend to love someone else, if he doesn’t know himself first. Which is the solution to the Thomas/Nico relationship I kept talking about for ages.

(I will write that post about these two series, I promise)

Also… remember this point about loving others when we will reach Concord.

*

About the Juno Incident: Chonny says that "there's a me stuck underground", clearly referring to the Juno incident and how Heart got stuck in the hole dug for Mind...

But, wait: the incident hasn’t happened yet. How can Heart be already stuck?

Unless the Juno incident is a fixed event of the time loop. Every time the loop restarts, the Juno incident happens, Heart misses Mind and gets stuck in that hole.

This also explains how they can talk about the incident in such clear detail and especially about the events before and after said incident:

One time they tried to sing to me About blues and greens; the in-betweens But mechanical hands decided where the Heart would be Just apathy I had been trying for years and for years that streamed To thrive, and relish entropy But when he finally shot at me Lines once solid were blurred

Heart says that they tried to find a compromise, an in-between (Night). But then, Mind slowly took over: he appointed himself as the new leader (Ruler of Everything) and decided Heart was beneath him. Heart’s reaction was a slow descent into apathy (Just Apathy), until he gave Mind full control of the vessel (The Heart Acoustic).

On the other hand, Mind says he tried for years to thrive, to keep their vessel up (Be Born, Storm and a Spring, The Mind Electric). But when Heart shot at him, he “blurred the lines”: his action reminded them both they’re not separate entities. They are the same entity. And that’s because:

And right as he (I) missed, my eyes in a mist I finally realized I shot at myself

Heart’s eyes were “in a mist”, because feelings are irrational and instinctual, so of course he didn’t act with a clear, logical mind.

Hence, he missed. But at the same time, he still hit a target: himself. Because what struck him wasn’t a bullet, but the consequences of an event. Specifically, the consequences of a failed romance.

But I will further explain this once we’ll reach Haiku and Hidden in the Sand. For now, as it was for most of this song, just keep this stuff in mind: we'll develop everything down the road ;)

Next post ->

(How about a coffee? ☕)

_______________________________

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[soulkeeper801]

Dare - Hirai Momo pt 1

Requested:  Momo gets dared by the other members to find the easiest person she thinks will sleep with her(ends up being reader). They eventually end up dating and falling in love. But reader eventually finds out about the dare and confronts Momo. Angsty.

Momo x f!reader

Words: 1.1k

“Truth or dare,” Nayeon asked with a mischievous smile on her face fueled by the several bottles of soju scattered around the apartment. Seven pairs of eyes were following the response.

Momo groaned, “you guys have asked too much already!”

They all grinned.

Out of the nine girls, Momo was the only one who would only choose Truth since she didn’t want to go through any of the girls’ dares. Jihyo had already called her ex, Mina had to let them DM someone from her instagram, Jeongyeon had to find the most awkward picture on her camera roll and send it to the girl she was talking to without context.

Momo didn’t want to do any of that, it was too embarrassing for her to handle. 

“If you don’t choose dare, we’re gonna keep asking,” Nayeon replied, sipping her glass of beer one more time.

The questions were getting worse. It wasn’t like they didn’t know any of it already, it just was embarrassing to confess some stuff out loud.

She sighed, “alright, dare”.

The girls cheered as a response to the anticipated idea. 

“But nothing too embarrassing!” she warned once again.

Nayeon thought calmly about it. “Let’s see… Can it be public?”

“Nothing public,” Momo replied immediately, “and I would appreciate it if it isn’t immediate either”.

Chaeyoung laughed, “Unnie, you’re no fun”.

The Japanese girl sulked at the remark. 

“I have an idea,” Nayeon said, her eyes trailing Momo as if she was measuring her. “Sleep with a girl”.

“Here?!” Momo’s eyes widened at the thought of whatever was going on through the oldest girl’s mind.

She received a pillow on her head as an answer.

“Of course not! Ew!” Nayeon replied, gaining everyone’s curiosity. “Get any girl, take her out, sleep with her. That’s your dare”.

Jihyo laughed out loud at the thought, “Momo unnie is an introvert, how is she going to do that? Impossible!”.

“That’s the dare,” Nayeon said, crossing her arms and smirking at Momo’s dumbfounded face.

Momo thought about it carefully. It was true, she wasn’t the most extrovert out of all of them, it wasn’t as easy for her to meet new people, let alone make friends but since everyone was grinning like idiots already coming to the conclusion that she would refuse, she found herself agreeing to the dare.

“No way,” Jeongyeon shook her head, smiling at the response. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am,” Momo replied, her ego now hurt due to her members’ reactions. 

“We should be thinking about a punishment then…”

Momo rolled her eyes. “One week,” she said, it was her turn to dare her members. “Give me one week and you will have your dare completed”.

Nayeon laughed and took Momo’s hand in a tight grip as a sign of their agreement. “We’ll see”.

--

Momo had made a mistake.

It would have been a thousand times easier to swallow her ego and accept the fact that she wouldn’t be able to take a girl to her bed in one week.

On the first night, she sneaked to a club. She arrived way past midnight with the sole purpose of finding someone to bring back to her hotel room but as soon as she stepped into the club, she only found familiar faces. She was escorted to the VIP section so she found colleagues, choreographers, celebrities, was she supposed to take one of them with her? No way.

She took a shot to loosen up and confidently made her way to the regular section in order to find someone who would go with her. As she arrived at the bar and ordered a beer, she realized people had already noticed her and heads were turning in her direction. Even a couple of pictures were taken so she had to go back to the VIP section in order to avoid any fuzz.

Once in her section, she looked around tiptoeing the idea of flirting with someone there. It shouldn’t be so difficult right? It must happen all the time, just two adults going home together. She recognized a couple of people, all of them older men. Not even one girl on sight. She took her purse and made her way out before any of those drunk businessmen wanted to approach her.

She laid defeatedly on her hotel room that night, discarding the idea of the club. She was too recognizable and it was too public to make a move with a stranger without people noticing.

A dating app? She thought to herself as she took her phone and scrolled through it. Best place for a hook up and nothing else, right? 

A couple of minutes later she had already gotten herself a few matches and was trying to charm her way to a girl who was a couple of blocks near.

“So you’re a Momo fan,” the girl texted at the sight of her picture.

Momo groaned. Of course she wouldn’t believe it was actually her.

“I’m not…”

“Then why do you have a picture of her as your profile? You’re a once for sure”.

“I’m… actually Momo”.

Blocked.

Momo groaned when she realized she couldn’t send more messages.

What else was she supposed to do if no one in that app believed that she was actually Momo. 

She sighed deeply and took a look at the time. Almost 4 in the morning and she was supposed to be at the studio at 10.

Two options failed on the same night. She was screwed.

--

Momo arrived at the studio 30 minutes prior to the arranged time exclusively to take a little nap on the couch behind the mixing desk. She was still tired from the night before and it didn’t take much for her to close her eyes and fall asleep even if it was for a brief amount of time.

“Morning, Momo-ssi,” a voice disrupted her sleep not even 10 minutes into her nap, “sorry for interrupting, but I need to show our new worker the setting since she’s going to help the producer with your recording today”.

Momo sat up straight and rubbed her eyes, not even processing the information when she saw the man walking into the recording booth.

“Good morning,” another voice said, it was softer and filled with respect. Momo glanced at the door and realized you were standing there. She quickly stood up and bowed at you, mimicking the movements you were doing towards her. 

“Come here, Y/N-ssi,” the man asked from the booth, calling you with his arm for you to see the setting inside and check the mic volume with the main computer. 

Her eyes followed you, the dare still going around in her head. She felt a little bit weird knowing you were a worker there but it wouldn’t hurt to try her luck. As soon as you glimpsed onto the couch, she shot you a soft smile which you immediately returned with a shade of pink creeping into your cheeks. 

Momo didn’t have to look any longer, she had found her girl.

Part 2

[gorogues]

1. What’s the most accurate/canon depiction of The Rogues relationship with each other for both pre-New 52 and post-New 52 comics? (eg what Mark is to Lisa and vice versa, what Digger is to Sam and vice versa, Len and Mick, etc until you’re done listing how everyone’s relationship with everyone else is like)

You can add others (Owen, Axel, Evan, etc) if you want, but this question is mostly aimed at the main Rogues.

2. I swear I saw a post from someone on this platform, I don’t know if it was you or somebody else, but they basically said something along the lines of: “You’d think that it would be out of character for Barry to leave his villains in Iron Heights, knowing how unethical the prison is and all. But the more I thought about it, the more I agreed that no, it isn’t actually that out of character for Barry.”

That thought has been stuck in my head ever since, and as someone who doesn’t really know Barry’s characterisation all that much (a crying shame, I know), I just wanted your opinion.

Is this statement true? I’d like to hear your reasoning for if you agree or disagree.

I didn’t know if I should keep these two questions on separate asks or not, so I just combined them both onto one. Hope you don’t mind all that much. I know it will probably take awhile to answer my questions, if you decide you want to that is. If you do then no pressure, take as much time as you want. If you decide you won’t answer, that’s also completely fine with me. Either way, hope your happy and safe wherever you are and have a good day/night.

Buckle up, because this is a long ride. To start, I'm leaving out stuff like when a Rogue was mind-controlled into doing something, or when they weren't in control of their actions due to being puppeted by Neron or Nekron (although the Black Lanterns were speaking from their victims' memories and thus may have had relevant things to say. It wasn't that person committing evil acts, however). That stuff wasn't voluntary, though of course the people harmed by them during those periods might not see it that way.

--Pre-Flashpoint--

Lisa and Len: Their relationship has varied depending on the era. In the Bronze Age they were often indifferent and sometimes hostile to each other (she didn't seem upset about Len's purported death), but occasionally got along well. After Crisis they frequently worked together and were generally friendly, but tensions built and things turned bad -- originally, Lisa was intended to have murdered her brother for his cold gun, but that was nixed in favour of her just stealing it. By the Johns era she was dead and Len was overtly mourning her, and we'd see in retconned flashbacks that they were very close due to their shared traumatic upbringing. One flashback showed her saying she'd become a criminal to be like her big brother, although Bronze Age comics were quite clear that she did it to avenge her dead boyfriend.

Lisa and Mark: They didn't interact much (just a few issues), but she poisoned him in one story to get him to do her bidding. It doesn't seem like they were close.

Lisa and Digger: Again, they didn't interact much, but she poisoned him in one story to get him to do her bidding. After she died, the tabloids claimed that she and Digger had a secret love-child -- which wasn't true -- but maybe they had more interactions that we never saw. Or maybe the tabloids just assumed Lisa was the mother because she was the only female Rogue in those days.

Lisa and Sam: They never interacted with each other back in the day, but in a later retcon Lisa wanted to be introduced to him because he was "cute".

Lisa and Roscoe: They were dating, and were very close. Eventually death separated them several times and they didn't get back together for unknown reasons.

Lisa and Mick: She and Len once tried to kill Mick in the Bronze Age, but he doesn't seem to have held a grudge; the three of them got along fine after Crisis, and they worked and socialized together. In the Johns era we saw an early flashback of Mick being exceptionally rude to Len about Lisa, so maybe their early relations weren't always great.

Lisa and Hartley: They only appeared in a few stories together, and in one (Blue Devil #30) they didn't interact much but seemed friendly. In DC Retro-Active: The Flash: 1980s they got along quite well, and seemed to get along when the heroes were rescuing Wally from the Turtle Man. Overall they were civil and friendly with each other.

Lisa and James: They co-existed well enough at Len's party, but she later poisoned him to get him to do her bidding. And the relationship between James and the Rogues (including her) was rather sour in Blue Devil. They seemed terse with each other at best.

Len and Mark: Len's been kind and supportive to Mark over the years, especially since taking over the team's dad role, but interestingly he didn't list Mark amongst the Rogues he liked. (There was also a panel in which Len listed Mark amongst three Rogues who were his "real family", but that was right after saying he was glad Lisa was dead -- it was from Johns' first arc and he quickly retconned his own work). Mark seems to like him, and trusted him enough to confess to Clyde's killing. The two had a good relationship of mutual support in Rogues' Revenge, which was probably the best they've ever had and the closest they've been.

Len and Digger: In Len's spotlight issue, he claimed Digger was one of the few Rogues he liked. They did get along well, including working together outside of the Rogues/Central City, though Len didn't treat Digger very kindly near the end of his life. Len was also cool-to-hostile to him after he returned from the dead and wanted to rejoin the Rogues, and actually beat the shit out of him (admittedly Digger had just done something stupid). That said, Len wistfully said "what are friends for, eh, Digger?" when Digger was dead and told Owen that Digger "was one of…my friends", so it seems Len always did retain a soft spot for him even despite his growling. He was probably taking a tough-love approach, even if he was a jerk about it.

Len and Sam: They got along fine before Sam was killed, and even liked each other enough to work together outside of the Rogues/Central City. They didn't seem close or anything, but Sam was one of the few Rogues Len said he liked in his spotlight issue.

Len and Roscoe: They seemed to get along okay or were mostly indifferent to each other before Roscoe died, but after his death Len made it very clear he didn't miss him (although interestingly, Len seemed sad at his funeral). This may be because Roscoe had recently tried to kill the other Rogues if they messed with his plan after he'd died (which they did), but the fact that Roscoe dated Len's sister surely didn't help. By the Johns era the two of them hated each other, and Len opted not to treat Roscoe like he did most Rogues -- leaving him to languish in prison and not helping him when he clearly needed it. Things eventually devolved to Roscoe threatening to mind-control the other Rogues to make them fall in line, and Len killed him. Afterwards, we learned that at some point in earlier history Len had turned the other Rogues against Roscoe to become the group's leader, but unfortunately we don't know the details of what happened.

Len and Mick: A very complicated relationship, which goes from friendly to openly hostile and back again…sometimes within the same issue. Mick said he got along with all the Rogues but Len, which is basically true, and Len was a major reason Mick spent long periods estranged from the Rogues. In the Bronze Age, Len (and Lisa) tried to kill Mick, and previously Len had tried to traumatize Mick by manipulating him into killing an innocent person. Len's been openly insulting to Mick at times, who'd then retaliate in kind, but Len has also been supportive and helpful with Mick's many psychological issues. Sometimes Len watched out for his well-being in ways nobody else did. The end result is a complicated and not very healthy frenemy relationship between them, though they generally work well together with their complementary tech.

Len and Hartley: They seemed to get along okay until Hartley reformed (though there was a flashback to Len being callous to him in the early days), but Len's been low-key hostile to him ever since. There must be an underlying reason for it, because Len didn't really treat other reformed Rogues that way (even if he wasn't always thrilled with them) and I think he just doesn't like Hartley.

Len and James: In Len's spotlight issue, he said James was one of the few Rogues he liked. Which is interesting because I've never seen a particular bond between the two of them, but Len did accept James back quite readily after a long period of reform (which even involved fighting against the Rogues as part of the FBI). James doesn't seem to have much fondness for Len though, and has cheerfully tricked and pranked him a few times.

Mark and Sam: They seem to have gotten along okay, though they didn't interact much.

Mark and Digger: They were generally quite friendly to each other, though Mark didn't have the nicest things to say about Digger after he'd died. The Rogues can be like that with each other, however, so it might not really mean anything.

Mark and Mick: They didn't interact much but got along well when they were on the same side. However, the two of them have frequently been on opposing sides (or at least one was reformed and one wasn't), so there may have been ongoing tension between them from the time of Mick's first stint with reform. But things were fine between them when Mick rejoined the Rogues after that, so it seems like there was no lingering grudge.

Mark and Roscoe: They didn't interact much but seemed to get along okay. In Blackest Night, Roscoe's zombie (which wasn't actually him, but had his memories) spoke flatteringly to Mark and reminded him that at some unspecified point they'd once planned to take out Len and run the Rogues together, which was a bombshell never addressed again. They probably would have turned on each other if the plan ever came to fruition, but there was either mutual respect or some intended backstabbing going on there.

Mark and Hartley: They seemed to get along reasonably well back in the day, though many Rogues were frosty to Hartley after he reformed and Mark was probably no different. Hartley didn't seem as though he had fond feelings for Mark after reforming, as he was pretty apathetic when he saw Mark distressed in Iron Heights and potentially exposed to a lethal virus, and Hartley was as cold to the Rogues when he 'returned' undercover as they were to him. It's not clear whether Hartley knew Mark was part of the Rogues who'd killed his parents and framed him for it, or if he'd even blame Mark for that since Mark wasn't directly involved in the scheme. But it's fair to say that they didn't get along well from at least the Johns era until Flashpoint.

Mark and James: They got along well before Crisis, and socialized in a friendly manner up into the Waid era. But things had probably changed by the time James joined the FBI, in which he was working to take down the Rogues (including Mark). James rejoined the Rogues in the aftermath of Rogue War and interacted civilly with them, though he was openly contemptuous of their behaviour in Countdown and we later learned that he was there undercover. I think it's likely James didn't have particularly warm feelings for Mark or most of the others, and perhaps there was just too much bad blood before James was killed and the universe soon rebooted.

Roscoe and Mick: They didn't interact much but seemed to get along okay; they looked cheery when chatting during a flashback in Mick's spotlight issue. However, Mick's narration stated that he got along with Roscoe even though Roscoe talked over everyone's heads, so it seems probable that Mick tolerated him more than liked him.

Roscoe and Digger: They got along well before Crisis, but haven't been shown interacting since. Both have done personality 180s since Crisis, and I can't imagine either of their newer personalities would like or even tolerate the other, so they probably wouldn't get along and likely avoided each other. Roscoe did attend Digger's funeral, though.

Roscoe and James: In the Silver/Bronze Ages they never actually interacted with each other on panel, though they must have met behind the scenes because James was at Roscoe's funeral and complained about his sense of humour. (We've also seen a flashback of them together from a comic published later.) And James spoke dismissively of him after his death, calling him the least of the Rogues. It's difficult to say what their relationship was, though James clearly wasn't impressed by him, and probably wasn't thrilled with Roscoe when his mind-whammy was undone…and Roscoe died soon after, so they never spoke again before the universe was rebooted. It doesn't seem to have been a good relationship, but we've seen so little of their interactions.

Roscoe and Hartley: They seemed to get along okay before Roscoe died, but things took an ugly turn after he'd returned and Hartley had reformed. Roscoe tried to goad Hartley into killing a presidential candidate and then tried to frame him for it, and did so by being a homophobic asshole to him and Hartley understandably thought he was a monster. My opinion, based on what Roscoe said in the issue, is that he was trying to seriously rile up Hartley to accomplish his plan and might not have actually believed the stuff he said…but it doesn't change that he said and did it, and was in fact acting like a monster. What's interesting is that later (in the Johns era) Hartley was lamenting having no living family left, and Roscoe told him "You still have family. Me for one." Which was probably cold comfort and Hartley wouldn't agree, but it's still very interesting that Roscoe would say that.

Roscoe and Sam: Roscoe was generally quite friendly to Sam, but Sam tricked him into losing a million dollar bet and left him to die in a booby-trapped prison, so Roscoe resentfully helped Barry ruin Sam's plan. Roscoe secretly swore to get payback, but never seems to have acted on it and Sam screwed him over again by later stealing his loot. For whatever reason, Sam was the Rogue that Roscoe chose to inform of his death, though he also had a scheme to blow up the Rogues if they messed with his revenge plan (which they did). They had a weird relationship, but I think Roscoe liked Sam more than the other Rogues.

Sam and Digger: They were generally great pals, despite some hiccups here and there -- Digger was a dick to Sam in Gotham and then tried to hypnotize him into doing his dirty work. Sam was pissed enough that he tried to get a cop to shoot Digger dead. But otherwise they got along quite well and worked/socialized together even outside the Rogues and Central City, and after Sam died his costume and tech ended up in Digger's hands and he used them to commit incognito crimes. The other Rogues were furious (not knowing who was doing it), but Digger thought Sam would appreciate the joke, and he was probably right.

Sam and James: They mostly got along okay, although Sam robbed James of his loot once, and all the Rogues of the late Bronze Age tended to snarl at each other for some reason.

Sam and Hartley: Their relationship didn't seem particularly notable until Hartley was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown, and then Sam and Digger went in disguise to free him. Both were somewhat dismissive of Hartley, claiming he wasn't a great pal or anything, but the Rogues sometimes do that to downplay their feelings (perhaps to seem like tough guys?) and they went to a fair bit of effort to spring someone they didn't really care about. They obviously cared.

Sam and Mick: They seemed to get along well before Mick had a traumatic experience and left the Rogues. We don't know what Sam thought about Mick's reform.

Digger and James: They generally got along in a friendly jocular manner before Crisis, though one time Digger disapproved of James trying to unmask an apparently-deceased Flash and kicked him for it…they ended up squabbling and yelling at each other. After Crisis, Digger turned his back and suggested that the Rogues should let James fall to his death. Later, after Digger had been away from the Rogues a long time and James had reformed, Digger repeatedly begged him for money and James completely cut him off, calling him a "mooch". So perhaps relations soured after their time apart.

Digger and Hartley: As noted above, Digger and Sam went to some trouble to free Hartley from lock-up. That aside, they didn't have a good relationship; Digger criticized Hartley's battle tactics and Hartley thought poorly of Digger's intelligence even before Crisis, and we know that Digger made a lot of shitty comments/jokes about Hartley's sexuality. And Digger was openly hostile when he saw Hartley at Linda Park's funeral. Post-Crisis' Digger's personality is obnoxious enough that he'd definitely get on Hartley's nerves (and vice versa, to be honest), so it's no surprise they don't get along.

Digger and Mick: They seemed to get along well, though as noted above Mick could get along with almost everyone. Digger may not have appreciated Mick's stints of reform, but he still accepted the situation when Mick sometimes returned to hang out with the guys, so maybe it didn't even bother him. And Mick was willing to lend him money (likely knowing he wouldn't get it back) after James cut him off, with a bit of gentle chiding about getting his shit together. They appear to have had a good relationship.

James and Hartley: Best friends, at least when they're being written properly; we'll leave Countdown out of this because we all know how OOC it was. James was friendly with Hartley when they were both Rogues (it's not known whether he knew Hartley's sexuality then, but he might have), and he accepted Hartley once Hart had reformed and become a pariah to the Rogues and was openly gay. Later Hartley was accused of murdering his parents and James refused to help him when he was on the lam, but it's very possible that was due to the general mind control James was under, so it's debatable whether that was really his fault. Ditto for James basically press-ganging Hartley and Mick into the FBI. Either way, all those shenanigans aside, they're very good friends who like, accept, and trust each other. James also left his will and data for taking down the Rogues to Hartley, and told him that the information was hidden from everyone else by invisible ink.

James and Mick: They've never seemed particularly close, but later in life developed the commonality of reform or semi-reform and both are quite easy to get along with. As stated above, James drafted Mick and Hartley into the FBI and that may not have been their choice, but James was supportive of Mick's mental health and ensured he received plenty of psychological support…which was definitely necessary. He also encouraged Mick to train and remain physically healthy, so overall he was very considerate of his needs and well-being. They weren't close after the two of them went back to the Rogues, but that may have been because Mick sincerely wanted to return and James was (apparently) undercover. Overall they had a friendly and supportive relationship, despite some occasional bumps.

Hartley and Mick: Their relationship before Crisis wasn't particularly notable one way or another, but in the Johns era they were firm friends and allies during a time when most of the Rogues neither liked nor accepted Hartley. Hartley was a fugitive at the time, and Mick was the only person willing to help him with no questions asked. They later worked well together at the FBI, but weren't close when Mick rejoined the Rogues.

--Post-Flashpoint--

Digger and all other Rogues: Only Digger and Len have had significant interactions, and that story inexplicably depicted them as not knowing each other. However, a later issue showed Len offering Digger a place with the Rogues via text message.

Roscoe and all other Rogues: He's only interacted with them in passing, although Len tried to kill him again so it seems their relationship hasn't improved :>

James and all the other Rogues: He's only interacted with them in passing (aside from Axel), and he mind-controlled them into doing his bidding so there's probably no love between them and him. A past version of him also worked on the Legion of Zoom with the Snarts, but they were cool towards each other.

Lisa and Len: For a while she blamed and hated him for giving the Rogues metahuman powers, which left her seriously injured/ill and her boyfriend trapped in the Mirrorverse, but those problems are over now and the two are fairly close despite occasional differences. She opposed his regime during "Year of the Villain", but still cared about his safety and his conscience, and she broke him out of custody after his defeat. For his part, Len made a lot of mistakes during the New 52 and was selfish at times, but he went to great lengths to keep her safe and healthy during her illness.

Lisa and Sam: They almost got married and were very close through many struggles, but eventually broke up and she's been cool towards him since. He reacted by becoming a sullen hedonist, and their breakup is probably a big part of why he's not been with the Rogues for a while.

Lisa and Marco: He admired and respected her and wanted her to be team leader before seemingly falling back towards Len's leadership. They treat each other with mutual respect, though he put her life at risk in Rogues Rebellion when he'd had enough of the ongoing shenanigans. He later returned to do the right thing and help her and the others.

Lisa and Mick: He's frequently been surly towards her as he is with everyone else, but clearly cares about her and treats her with about as much respect as he has for anyone.

Lisa and Hartley: The first time they interacted on panel, Lisa got revenge on him for being a "traitor", but later that was forgotten and he went to a fair bit of trouble to keep her safe from danger. His narration stated that she'd supported him and helped him come out to the other Rogues before the New 52 began, indicating that they'd been good friends, so I don't know if they ever reconciled the 'traitor' thing or he simply let it go.

Len and Sam: They had/have something of an uneasy relationship because Sam was dating Len's sister, and Len was responsible for tearing them apart and nearly getting her killed…and after getting through all that, Lisa and Sam broke up and left Len somewhat in the middle. But Len has much better relations with Sam than he had with Roscoe before Flashpoint, and they mostly treat each other with friendliness and respect. But there's obviously anger and tension at times too.

Len and Mick: An extremely hostile relationship throughout most of the New 52, though Mick calmed down somewhat in Rebirth. All the meta Rogues were angry at Len, but Mick took it to another level of resentment and bitter violence. That's mostly behind them now, but Mick's still somewhat surly and it's probably a legacy of what happened to him. Len, on the other hand, didn't really take much responsibility for what he did to the other Rogues who weren't Lisa, and it's not surprising his relationship with Mick wasn't good. However, when the Sage Force was sorting out Mick's trauma it (or his mind) conjured up 'Len' to talk sense to him and calm him down, and by "Year of the Villain" Mick proclaimed that Len was his best friend, so obviously the situation significantly improved over time.

Len and Marco: They formerly had a terse relationship due to resentment about metahuman powers, though they seem to be on good terms now that it's behind them. Marco can be moody though, so that's probably a challenge at times.

Len and Hartley: They haven't interacted much, though Hartley saved Len from dying in an accident and Len seemed happy to see him -- but he also wanted Hartley to let him go, so maybe he was just buttering him up. Hartley was working as a hero at the time, so he wouldn't budge even for old times' sake.

Marco and Sam: Their relations have ranged from friendly to antagonistic during times of stress, but overall they treat each other with respect and have a brotherly relationship. They seem like actual friends.

Marco and Mick: Mick's intense anger issues and Marco's brooding moodiness was kind of a match made in hell and probably why they've never been close. They seem to get along okay now that Mick has mellowed a lot.

Marco and Hartley: They haven't interacted much.

Mick and Hartley: They haven't interacted much.

Mick and Sam: Mick was surly to everyone for most of the New 52, though his relationship with Sam in Rogues Rebellion was surprisingly positive and friendly. Sam tried to talk sense and the brotherhood of Rogues to Mick, who mostly dismissed him but still sacrificed himself to save the others, showing that Sam had gotten through to him. Mick later turned up alive, and was afterwards restored psychologically and physically by the Sage Force, which calmed him down significantly. But Sam turned into a jerk after he broke up with Lisa, and Mick yelled at him for it and finally got through to him somewhat, indicating that both of them listen to the other and are the better for it. Their relationship has never been warm and fuzzy, but it seems like there's enough respect to get the other guy to be better, and for both to accept advice.

Sam and Hartley: They were friendly during their interactions, which makes sense because Hartley was helping to save Lisa.

Question 2: I swear I saw a post from someone on this platform, I don’t know if it was you or somebody else, but they basically said something along the lines of: “You’d think that it would be out of character for Barry to leave his villains in Iron Heights, knowing how unethical the prison is and all. But the more I thought about it, the more I agreed that no, it isn’t actually that out of character for Barry.” That thought has been stuck in my head ever since, and as someone who doesn’t really know Barry’s characterisation all that much (a crying shame, I know), I just wanted your opinion. Is this statement true? I’d like to hear your reasoning for if you agree or disagree.

This is a bit of a tricky question, because Iron Heights was introduced and got most of its panel time when Barry was dead, so he wasn't around for the 'heyday' of its development when Ashley Zolomon and Wally West grappled with what was going on inside. We don't know what his position would have been before Flashpoint, though I don't think he would have liked it. Classic Barry was very much a law and order type (a cop, obviously), but that was in the days when prison brutality generally wasn't addressed in comics. We do know he was horrified by what was done to Clive Yorkin, which was an experimental and arguably cruel treatment of a prisoner.

But there's no question that Iron Heights has been around since Barry came back, that there's been abuse shown on-panel since then, and he hasn't really done anything about it. He was shocked by what happened to Axel in solitary and seemed like he was going to rescue him, but that just kind of petered out and it was Kristen Kramer and David Singh who did the work to stop Wolfe. I do think that's out of character….to a point. There's no question he's a cop and someone who follows the rules more often than, say, Wally. But that can also work both ways, and overt cruelty and harsh punishment isn't following the rule of law either. I think Barry wouldn't lose sleep if Wolfe took away prisoners' material comforts and privileges, even if we think that's wrong, but IMO he should find a beaten prisoner or a prisoner with his prosthetic arm removed unacceptable and take action. He's a person who has shown mercy towards reformed and even completely unrepentant villains before, and he's not perfect, but nobody is.

TL;DR I don't agree with how Barry's Iron Heights plot was handled.

[thereisnolumos]

darklina thoughts: I wanted to get into the shadow and bone Fandom(books and show) because of the amazing gif set of the darklina kiss I saw

Like who are these two that are sharing such a beautiful kiss. And look so aesthically pleasing together with the darkness and light vibes. I was so excited to find out who these two were because these kind of ships are my everything. Than I find out and 😨😱😤😠🤬!!!!! It was like running full steam a head with tons of excitement and crashing face first into a wall when I find out everything about this Fandom. Both about the books and show. The author and this beautiful ship. And I'm like God why do authors do this ship. Tease us with everything we want and the full potential. But than do a completely one 80 and waste are time on things we don't care about, or find insulting or toxic, and tells us are tastes are dumb and toxic. So now I just read fics and look at beautiful art of Darklina and the potential they could have been. It's just so annoying because this stuff happens all the time!!! And don't get me started on what I heard about the author. I don't know if their true. And wish I could find out real stuff about her. But if it is. God she is so messed up for doing this to us.

I only got in the fandom bcs I randomly saw a teaser for the first season and Ben Barnes was there in all his dark glory. I knew nothing about the books, but the way that show was promoted I was expecting the epic dark romance, villain who’s not really a villain gets the girl all the vibe. Plus cool world build and complicated detailed story overall.

I got none of that.

That show was interesting and hopeful for the first 5 episodes (we will always have 1x05🖤). It wasn’t as detailed and complex as I expected, but it had potential and the main pair - the one they based THE ENTIRE promotion on by the way - was having one of the most fiery and spark inducing chemistry I’ve ever seen on the screen, so I kept my hopes up for the overall plot and focused on them. And then… then they backpedaled SO HARD on everything that made that show interesting for the broad audience, I wonder how they didn’t give themselves a whiplash… though considering the horrible quality of s2 they probably did

Though I didn’t like the way s1 ended, I still thought there is hope, and “we need a conflict for our main pair, I guess”. I truly, wholeheartedly believed that creators and writers of the show are not complete idiots and know how to read the room and what the most of their audience is there for, so that’s what they’ll deliver. But oh my, how wrong I was.

The second season is downright unwatchable with how horrifyingly terrible it is. I only suffered through the entire thing for Ben, who, bless his heart, tried his hardest to deliver the complexity and depth of his character, who he only agreed to play if they “won’t make him a cardboard villain”. And they did exactly that in s2, or tried to, bcs Ben Barnes and his talent didn’t let them, despite all their efforts. The rest of the cast I guess didn’t have enough experience to fix the worst writing imaginable with their acting, so most of the characters became absolutely bland and uninteresting and SO IDIOTICALLY STUPUD, I yelled at them constantly, scaring my cat the entire time.

Also, as much as I understand it from exploring the fandom, the creators and writers of the show are die hard fans of the Crows, and they don’t actually like Alina’s trilogy at all. So… why didn’t they just do the books they wanted I’ll never know. Instead, they forced the Crows in the plot they were never a part of (making all of them okay with selling a girl to slavery in the process. Despite one of them being the former slave and the other one being the one who got her out of it… make it make sense, I beg of you), in the second season they wasted SO MUCH time on their plot lines that 1)didn’t matter one bit for the overall story, 2)were absolutely uninteresting to everyone who isn’t the Crows fan beforehand. In the end we got half-assed Alina and Aleksander’s story with half-assed Crows’ story. They should’ve just made the Crows show, without touching Alina and Aleksander

I haven’t read the books, but from what I gathered in the fandom, though still committing the same sin of putting all the promotion and marketing into the Dark romance trope without actually delivering on it, and force feeding the fans one of the worst and most toxic pairings ever with Malina, at least Alina and Aleksander’s characters weren’t made so cardboard and stupid, and there was tragedy in their story, not the shit that they gave us in s2. Though I absolutely DESPISE the fact that Alina looses her powers in the end and goes on to live Mal’s dream life… Like WHAT THE FUCK?? What levels of internalized misogyny do you need to have as a woman, to write this plot line for your female protagonist???? I can’t.

On Mal’s toxicity: at least that made him a fleshed out character in the books. Absolutely horrible one, how could the author make him “get the girl” is beyond me. But at least he had a personality, however terrible one. In the show, I guess understanding, that no one would root for that asshole, they removed his toxicity almost completely, but that made him as bland as stale porridge. There wasn’t ANYTHING left on his character. At all. How anyone could’ve rooted for him I absolutely refuse to understand. Any woman deserved better than Blade😈

I don’t know anything about Leigh Bardugo, except for the fact that she butcher my native language and makes me furious. If you don’t know the language at least on a medium level, perhaps don’t use it in your books. Or at least hire someone who does. The way she butchered it, I’m not sure she even used Google translate…

So yeah, I’m with you on only reading Darklina fanfics and admiring fan art. I’m not at all sad that they cancelled the show, and I’m even giddy that those creators and writers didn’t get their wet dream of the Crows spin off. They didn’t deserve it after the shit they pulled in the second season. I do hope that they won’t ruin any other shows in the future. I am sad for the actors, who deserved much better and who were actually good at their parts, while the writing was okay. Poor Archie Renaux suffered the most, his character didn’t have good writing at all, not for a single scene. I hope we’ll see more of all of them.

And we need Ben and Jessie to do a film together. Preferably a rom com, but I’m not picky. Just that their characters are together. Such chemistry can’t be wasted

[phynali]

Tumblr tip sheet for twitter refugees

i’ve seen a lot of different advice posts but none that had what i consider all the key advice in one spot, so here we are. long post ahead.

-

1. your dash can be put into reverse chronological order and it is a BETTER experience if you do that

Go to your settings -> Dashboard -> Preference

Turn “Best Stuff First” OFF

2. you can (and likely should!) turn off algorithmic content

Under the same menu. Settings -> Dashboard -> Preferences

There are two algorithms on tumblr.

One is “In your orbit” and I fucking hate it. i want to see the content that I like, not that some random person i follow likes. if i wanted to see that content on my dash, i’d follow the people who put it there.

The other is “based on your likes” and it is hilariously bad because if you like a post for something you don’t normally like or follow (e.g., when I watched a new movie and liked one post about it), you’ll suddenly get a dozen posts about that thing and only that thing.

I keep it on because it’s hilariously bad, but i honestly recommend turning it off. it routinely recommends shit to me that i hate and i have to keep telling it that i am “not interested in this post” for things tagged with my nOTP, but until / unless i filter that ship tag out entirely, i will keep being serviced those

3. filtering / blacklisting is your friend

this is true on every platform, not just tumblr. i’m sure veteran twitter users are well-versed in it, but just as a reminder. you will be expected to filter your own content/dash here on tumblr, and if you complain about seeing something that was properly tagged, you will be rightly mocked as a clown.

Settings -> Account -> Content You See

you can filter both tags and post content. There’s a completely innocuous post i absolutely hate that does rounds and is never tagged, and i almost unfollowed a mutual for how much i hate that post and them reblogging it so much. but i typed a specific sentence from that post into the “filtered post content” options and BOOM - haven’t seen it since. glorious.

4. content controls are your friend

under the same “Content You See” menu. You are automatically opted OUT of seeing this stuff, so you MUST opt in to see mature content.

you’ll want to determine your own preferences, but i prefer to see all of the mature content types that may be hit with a community label.

5. long posts are (probably) your friend

tumblr cuts posts over a few lines if you have this turned off, and it’s really annoying and really truncates your experience of the website. THIS is itself a long post!

part of the quintessential tumblr experience is being annoyed by the “do you love the color of the sky” post.

seriously, this isn’t twitter. we aren’t here for 280 character bite-sized posts. i 10/10 recommend keeping long posts on.

Settings -> Dashboard -> Interface

6. blog-specific settings

there is also a menu for additional settings (including updating the appearance etc) for each blog you have (your main, and any sideblogs).

this is near the end of your options under Settings -> Blog Settings (click the individual blog to update)

under your blog settings you can...

- enable your custom theme (which you should! this is turned off for new users but personalizing your page is part of the experience)

- decide if you want people to know what posts you’re liking and who you’re following. i do NOT, so these are off. internet privacy is allowed on tumblr, and don’t let anyone bully you into thinking you need to make everything public for their supervision. consume all the problematic content your little gremlin content desires and tell people to fuck off if they take issue with that.

- determine if and how others can interact with your blog!! there some settings about asks, messaging, tipping (if you’re here to make $$), whether people can even SEE your blog, if it’s searchable, etc. tumblr gives power and control back to the users! use that power!

here, you can specifically set your “Ask” preferences to on or off, and to accept or NOT accept asks from anonymous users / logged out users.

if you’re here to interact with friends or just vibe, or don’t reblog a lot of asks games or encourage anon inbox messages, and/or especially if you’re getting harasment and don’t want to deal with shitty users, it is okay to turn off anons, and i ENCOURAGE you to do so.

i keep it on for my fandom sideblogs and off for my main and this makes me happy. do what makes you happy.

7. etiquette and interface

- change your icon so no one thinks you’re a bot

- reblog posts so your account isn’t empty. also, with  algorithmic content turned off by most users, YOU are the algorithm, and interaction on this website is strongly encouraged. making or reblogging posts part of the experience and sort of the whole point

- reblog tagging: individual preferences apply. instead of adding a comment on a reblog, users will often add their thoughts in a tag, if they aren’t specifically looking to engage in a dialogue or add on to the post itself. other users can then decide to copy their tags (often with “prev” for “previous” appended) or even copy/paste them into a comment on their reblog, which is your tags “passing peer review”. people also tag to index posts so their blog is more searchable, and to include trigger warnings and content warnings related to a post. you can also choose to not tag anything. it’s your blog, do what you want.

- tags are how people find new content. if you make a new post and want people to find it, they will be searching the tag related to that content, so tag it accordingly. people can also follow tags and get notifications when new posts are made into that tag.

- do not censor words! this isn’t tiktok or twitter. we say ‘fuck’ and ‘kill’ here. if you write “unalive” or censor swears or triggers, people’s content filters do not work, and you will have undermined their ability to curate their content, moderate their experience, and avoid triggers. don’t do that. just spell out the whole goddamn word, please.

- you can make sideblogs under a single account! this means you have your main, which you interact (like, reply, and follow) from, but which can be used to have a space for all your posts and reblogs on a given topic (fandom, hobby, fixation, whatever). you can also direct message to/from a sideblog and accept asks etc.

- if you use tumblr in your browser, there is an add-on called XKIT. this used to be a tumblr user staple and allowed for a lot of functionality that tumblr didn’t used to have. tumblr has since very much upped their game, but it can still be worth using XKIT if you’re regularly in a browser and not on the app. for example, it includes some ad-blocking capabilities. I use “New Xkit” and have a few personalized settings with it.

- posts go around forever on this site and new memes crop up every day, retreat, and then resurge out of the blue randomly. this makes for tumblr-wide in-jokes that circulate for years, like “do you love the color of the sky” and the “color theory children’s hospital” post. if you don’t get these, you can ask and i’m sure tumblr will deliver, but you can also wait around and follow more people and these will turn up eventually.

- your dash is what you make it. your interaction is what you make it. you have control, you are not at the mercy of algorithms and advertisers if you don’t want to be. paying for ad-free browsing is an option. they even give you the option to toggled your ad settings within ad-free browsing. seriously - you. have. the. control.

this is something that we love about tumblr and one of the things that makes it our hellsite (affectionate) instead of our hellsite (derogatory). if you’re finding your experience to be negative but still want to stick around, i encourage you to block accounts or content that makes you unhappy or anxious, to follow the accounts that bring you joy, and to adjust your settings into whatever makes you happiest and least stressed out.

[chaotic-neutral-knitter]

I saw this post going around and got really curious as to how OP came up with their numbers because I could not replicate them at all.

I was going to reply directly but it was getting very very long and I didn’t want to wade onto someone’s post with a bunch of my own stats bc it seemed rude, so I’m putting my response here.

I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m fully in the camp of “write because you like writing, not for an audience response” because if you don’t like the process of writing, there is no level of audience response that will make writing worth it. But. I’ve seen a lot of folks agonize over Ao3 stats and get stuck in the weeds on Ratios™. And I think there are a few really common misconceptions around what these numbers mean.

The rest of this is going to be under a readmore to spare y’all but basically it’s a breakdown of trying to calculate my own percentages like the OP in the original post and then dialing down into why hits != readers.

Here’s the stats from one of my fics as of today, May 1st 2023. I am by no means a prolific or widely known fic writer - I happen to be in a big fandom and writing for for the main pairing in that fandom.

completed multi chapter fic, rated Mature:

So this one has three chapters, 2736 hits, 436 kudos, and 146 comments. Kudos divided by hits is 16%.

“Oh no!” I might say, seeing this. “Only sixteen percent of people liked my fic enough to leave a kudos? Either my stuff is shit, or fic-readers are a bunch of lazy fucks who don’t appreciate the work I’ve put into this. Either way, I’m mad now!”

But (and I say this with a lot of love in my heart, I promise) that’s silly. Not just for the philosophical reasons of writing what makes you happy and not caring about the response. It’s silly because it’s wrong.

On a multi-chapter fic, each person who finishes it is responsible for at least 3 hits but can only leave 1 kudos. Dividing the total hits by 3 gives you 912 hits. So, once you’ve corrected for number of chapters, the percent of people who have hit kudos is 47%.

“Holy shit!” writer-me says, “I’ve published original fiction in my university newspaper, original fiction that I poured my heart and soul into btw, and if approximately half of the people who read it  sent me a little heart emoji, I would have died and gone to heaven. Fic readers are the Nicest, Most Generous, and Most Beautiful readers on the planet and I am so grateful to be in this community with them.”

But! 47% is still wrong. Here’s why.

Hits != Readers

I don’t how other people do this, but my process of reading a fic is often like this (each step is one hit):

open link from someone else's rec, try to click "mark for later"

realize I'm logged out. sign in to Ao3, go back to fic and click "mark for later"

come back to read fic, generating at least one hit per chapter

open a second tab so that I can write a comment as I go (again, generating at least one hit per chapter)

finish fic, create bookmark, and then navigate back to fic to mark it as read so it's taken off my marked for later page

if I really liked the fic, I'll end up opening it back up in a tag many times so I can rec it to people by sending them the link

if I really really liked the fic, I'll come back and read it again (this is doubly true for explicit fic, btw.)

I think I’m on the high end of generating hits, but it only takes a few of me to really dial up that hit counter. And most people are going to do one or two of these things - I’d argue that it’s pretty rare for someone to leave just one hit on a fic unless they nope out of it in the middle.

Formula for calculating number of readers from number of hits:

There isn’t one. And it would take a much better mathematician than me to make one. Because this is way more complicated than dividing by chapters. Most readers leave more than one hit - especially if they like the fic a lot. Short fics and explicit fics are more likely to be read multiple times.

“But what if I crave validation?” writer-me complains, irritated with math-me for not downloading statistics software, shoving a million Ao3 fics into it, and producing some kind of bullshit linear regression. “What if I constantly see people with higher kudos/hits ratios than me? This is all very optimistic but it really doesn’t jive with my deep seated belief that everyone secretly hates me all the time and they’re too nice to tell me about it. Do they hate me? They probably hate me, right? Tell me if you hate me.”

To which I say, listen very closely, writer-me. You can either decide that AO3 stats mean something and lose your damn mind deciphering what they mean, or you can be like that kid who got an avocado for christmas and say “it’s a avocado comment!! Thanks!! :D”

And that kid seemed pretty happy.

[v3x-y0urs3lf]

My riparian woodworks headcanons as someone who has literally never worked a day in his life ✌️

Gage and ‘Newbie’ weren’t always troublemakers or anything. I think it’s just a general thing that with time people get more comfortable joking around with each other.

I think for Gage he probably saw Law and Desmond being natural childhood friends and playing into a bit of tomfoolery, saw that his boss did in fact have a funny bone and started to seep into his natural ‘annoying’ personality.

Okay. I may or may not be drunk but I swear I remembered Newbie and Gage calling Desmond daddy.. and if Desmond’s daddy then Law is uncle. Neo’s that one cousin you only see during important holidays like Christmas and Birthday’s and half the time you don’t even realise he’s there, Gage is either the drunk uncle or he’s the annoying more cousin.

Someone has called Law ‘Dad’. Whether it was accidental, on purpose, completely serious or joking. Someone has called him dad.. I haven’t watched enough Law vids to give him a reaction.

There isn’t a ‘favourite child’ or anything (don’t think there would be mainly because they’re all adults.) but Neo seems like a goody two-shoes.. Which isn’t true but I feel like he is trying very hard to be on a ‘path of redemption’. (For those who know - I’m thinking Quest from BloomingPanic and Deuce Spade from Twst)

I wanted to include Nat somewhere in here, I don’t think Law’s been in that desperate of a position where he needed to bring her into work. If he genuinely didn’t have anyone to watch her then I feel like Desmond would just give him the day off.. That’s not to say that he hasn’t brought Nat in when he’s off shift though. I totally think that if none of them have seen pictures of Nat, they’ve met her.

And on the VERY off chance that Nat DID accompany Law during a work day, then Law is in the office doing paperwork or Neo (Desmond?) are watching her in the back. There is no way anyone is letting her wander into the back with all the actual woodworking stuff.

I wanted to mention 4/5 of them being Attuned but I don’t think anyone would necessarily tease Gage just for that.. I just think it’s a neat fact and makes me smile.

Oh but Imagine just how lucky it is that all of them are for at least all of them knowing about the attuned. I briefly brought it up earlier but they’re all adults, I don’t think they’d have any magical ‘accidents’ like Nat or Robin(?) and I’m not even sure if they all know that they’re all aware of the attuned.

Obviously from Gage’s audio about ‘coming out’ and Neo’s audio about being sick they are aware of

1. Neo is a shifter (Gage)

2. Desmond is a shifter (Neo)

And there’s obviously Desmond who more than likely knows that Law is attuned (and Vice Versa for Law.) AND there’s Desmond’s audio where it mentions that HE knows that Newbie is also attuned. (I’m like 60% sure he mentions that Law is a sorcerer to Newbie so.. maybe throw Newbie into that pile too.) So at least one person from the shop knows that SOMEONE know’s that they are attuned.

That was a whole rant but essentially…

[bonnibuckets]

— always her pt.2 | lo’ak

(part 1 here)

pairings: gn! x lo'ak (x rotxo)

warnings: angst angst angst, violence

synopsis: as you started to get through your days easier with the help of rotxo— it all comes crumbling down by the same person who use to build you up.

wc: 1.8k+

note: this is an angsty end and lo’ak isn’t the end goal (rotxo is endgame)

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

Your heart broke watching lo'ak walk away, falling to your knees you cried into your hands as you struggled to breathe while hiccuping. You wished he had stayed, that he would've held you and told you that he loved you too but you knew better. You knew that was just a fantasy you had made up in your mind and that's what hurt the most, that you imagined a version of lo'ak that was completely fiction— something that would never exist.

—

You had cut off all communication with him since then and it ate you alive, daily it felt gut-wrenching and consuming to pretend nothing had happened. Crying in secret, hiding, avoiding, ignoring, it was too much for your heart to bear.

Others noticed the difference and you tried to play it off as that lo'ak was just hanging out with tsireya, which wasn't a lie just not telling the full truth. It was all too much, you wanted to follow your heart but you knew you needed to follow your brain. You tried so hard to hold yourself together and pretend to be okay, but you felt the mask slipping. You'd show up late or even skip out on dinner because you knew you'd see them both. You would avoid breathing lessons, fishing, ilu riding, and sometimes even sleep.

Everyone took notice but no one dared to say anything, until rotxo reached out.

—

It was late at night and you were alone under the stars at the edge of the beach. Playing in the sand as you sighed and laid down on your back feeling the cold comforting water and sand.

"What's wrong?" you immediately jumped up and turn to see where the voice belonged to. You relaxed as you recognized who it was— rotxo, a kind kid who was the opposite of his best friend ao'nung. You felt a little uncomfortable by his presence, but you didn't want to shoo him away. "What are you doing here?" you asked avoiding his question, "just wandering" he said and sat near you. You mentally cursed as now that he would be harder to get rid of, and you would have to have a conversation with him.

"You didn't answer my question" rotxo said crossing his legs, you mentally groaned and plastered your fake winning smile. "Nothing just needed some air" you half lied, he tilted his head and furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you sure? You seem tense lately" he said cautiously. You started to feel a little annoyed by his statement because you knew that something was wrong, but you couldn't tell him— you barely even knew him, but you so desperately wanted to tell him everything.

"No, just girl stuff" you fake laughed touching his arm in hopes he would believe but he saw straight through. "I think it might be more" he said grabbing your hand. Your heart swelled as your emotions were beating against your chest, begging you to let them free. You let out a shaky breath— he was cracking your code within seconds and you were panicking.

"It's just...i'm worried" you said looking away and removing his hand. You thought if you faked a problem he would feed into it, so you could save your true feelings.

"You don't have to lie i'm here if you need someone in your corner" he smiled. You felt tears well in your eyes as your stomach was flipping. Your lips trembled and you shut your eyes tight as your emotions were seeping out right in front of rotxo. "You don't even know me!" you said angrily and turned your body away, "true but i have watched you" rotxo said then his face went red "i mean observing! No that's worse!" he said hiding his face in his hands.

You turned to him and let out a genuine laugh as he turned and peeked through his fingers. "I'm sorry that sounded weird" You smiled as your heart and barriers slowly and ever so slightly started to dissolve. "It's okay no need to explain" you said, as both of you looked as the moon illuminated the water.

—

A few days passed and you and rotxo started to become closer, you felt a real connection with him. It felt like he understood you and didn't judge you, and you could be who you were. Your heart was in tangles, torn between your old feelings and the newfound feelings for rotxo.

Until you saw something you wished you didn't with rotxo.

—

You and rotxo were laughing and walking along the beach talking about anything and everything. "And then he fell flat on his face!" you said giggling and rotxo held his stomach laughing. You both regained your breath and you looked up and your heart and stomach dropped, you clutched your stomach and covered your mouth.

You saw lo'ak and tsireya holding hands and walking in your direction. Your heart was racing and you felt nauseous and dizzy, you reached out to rotxo for support for your wobbly legs. You collapsed and he immediately caught you before you could make contact with the sand.

"Woah! Come on let's get you somewhere safe" he said worried and turned you around as your trembling figure held onto him.

What you both were unaware of at the time was the pair of eyes burning holes into your back.

—

You and rotxo had made it to your new hideout and you immediately fell to your knees and bawled your eyes out. You let everything go— every feeling that you have felt for the past three years came pouring out like an unrelentless tsunami. Your head was clouded with lo'ak and tsireya, and your heart hurt as you rocked yourself and rotxo held you tight in his arms.

He was clueless as to what started this but he didn't question it— he was more worried about trying to support and calm you down. He stroked your hair and softly shushed you as you held onto him, you hugged him tightly and cried into the crook of his neck, and rotxo held you even tighter and kissed your head.

You were trying to speak but your sobbing was making it difficult and it was frustrating you which made you cry even more. "It's okay just breathe don't worry" rotxo said rubbing circles on your back. You clung to him as you focused only on rotxo and breathing and slowly stopped crying hysterically.

He gently pulled you away to look at his face "Talk to me" he said and you see his eyes were glossy. You felt guilty, angry, and sad all at once and you tried to find the words but you couldn't so you just hugged rotxo. "I'm sorry" you said as he shook his head "Don't be".

"He's made a fool out of me rotxo" you said pulling away to look him in the eyes, "he's burned me" you said as you felt the sadness drying up and anger bubbling. "For once i'd like to burn him back" you said like venom seeping out your pores.

"Who?" "Lo'ak," you said clenching your jaw. "I'd been by his side this entire time hoping he'd notice me, hoping he'd love me, praying that he would see me, and all for what? For him to throw me away like i meant nothing!" you said balling your fists up. "I thought he cared, but he doesn't! He's taken my heart and stomped on it in front of me, and i was dumb enough to even give him my heart in the first place" you said holding your head down in shame.

"Then let's burn him" you looked up immediately "What?" you said confused, "you said he's burned you, so let's burn him back" he said holding your face. "Would he even care?" you said "He'll realize what he's lost" rotxo said rubbing your cheek with his thumb. "He'll learn to ever mess with an amazing, breathtaking, talented girl like you"

Your face went flush and you smiled softly "As much as i'd love to i have to burn him on my own" you said kissing his cheek "I'll be behind you supporting you" He smiled.

—

Another few days passed and you and rotxo became even closer. You and him were planning to try a 'kick' at each other, but slowly of course. He knew you still had unresolved feelings for lo'ak.

—

You entered your and lo'ak's old hideout, running your fingers along the walls— over the carvings and drawing accumulated over three years. Your heart yearned for those days, but you knew they were over— it was bittersweet. You heard footsteps and you immediately whipped around and your heart dropped as you saw who it was. Lo'ak stood at the entrance and you felt anger, sadness, guilt, grief, and relief all at once wash over you.

"What are you doing here," you said taking in a deep breath, "i could say the same thing" lo'ak said rising his eyebrows. You bit the inside of your cheek, your heart was begging you to hug him and be friends with him all over again but you knew better. You knew you needed space, you needed to stay away for the sake of yourself.

"Just looking, remembering" You trailed off and turned around looking at the ground and dryly chucking as the spot you were standing in was the exact stop lo'ak left you in not too long ago. "Well since you're here i wanted to talk to you" You felt your uncaring attitude slowly breaking.

"I just wanted to ask you about rotxo" Your eyes widened "i saw you guys together" Lo'ak was probing you— he wanted to know what rotxo meant to you. You licked your lips and turned around slowly "And why is that?" you said staring into his soul.

"Because..." lo'ak didn't want to admit seeing you with another guy at your side much like he use to be tore him apart. He was starting to understand your pain, but that was just the tip of the ice burg. "Because?" you asked and felt yourself slowly becoming angry— you feared where this conversation was going to go.

"Because i realized the feelings i repressed for you"

You felt your whole world shatter— it's ironic how you had previously wished and prayed to hear those words, but right at this moment they repulsed you. You saw red and were trembling as you marched over to him and punched him in the nose "fuck you!"

He fell on his ass "fuck!" he looked up at you shocked and you never felt so powerful in your life. "You're fucking pathetic" you spat at him before stepping over him.

He had risen to his feet and held his bleeding nose and backed up to where you were previously standing.

"I hope you and tsireya work out perfectly" You fake smiled before leaving him— leaving him feeling exactly how he left you those many days ago.

— [Fin]

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[malicedafirenze]

I see gifs from other people‘s Astarion romance and I think I fucked mine up somehow, because I do not get the same scenes and I worry a lot that I messed it up for good by not chasing high approval early enough ☹️

(Spoilers below, allow me to be pathetically concerned about my fictional romance for a sec)

I had the sex scene at the Tiefling party, then another implied „night together“ a bit later in Act 1, both while my Approval must have been at Medium, somewhere around 35-40.

I then maintained Approval ~40 throughout Act 2 but didn’t get any romance scenes again afaik (obviously in retrospect I should have chased the approval more intently but I‘m playing too goody-two shoes for Astarion‘s taste).

Early Act 3, I got a dialogue option like „we haven‘t spent a night together in some time“, where Astarion explains that it‘s just been a transactional calculation for him. I wasn’t sure if that was a fixed part of his character arc, but I‘ve been more intent on chasing approval options since then.

I had a foursome with him and the Drow Twins, but he said I had failed to sleep with him so far, which isn’t actually true so I wonder if that‘s just one buggy dialogue or something more messed up?

I completed his quest (killing Cazador, not completing the ascension ritual) with approval at about 60, and by now it‘s 65 (Very High).

After Cazador, I got some dialogue of Astarion needing time to process stuff, but nothing explicitly romancey.

I only have a handful of quests to finish in the game and I‘m really worried I fucked it up with the romance for good somehow.

I don’t even think I could just pivot to another character at this point, because although my approval rating from Shadowheart and Karlach is at ~100 (Exceptional), I never had *any* romance dialogue options from them, apart from Karlach during the Tiefling party in Act 1, where I picked Astarion instead.

Someone help pls I put like 100h into this game and I want my happy ending.

[2treez]

ADVICE FROM OLD PEOPLE

1 The most important person in your life is the person who agreed to share their life with you. Treat them as such.

2 You might live a long life, or you might live a short one — who knows. But either way, trust me when I say that you’re going to wish you took better care of yourself in your youth.

3 Stuff is just stuff. Don’t hold onto material objects, hold onto time and experiences instead.

4 Jealousy destroys relationships. Trust your significant other, because who else are you supposed to trust?

5 People always say, “Make sure you get a job doing what you love!” But that isn’t the best advice. The right job is the job you love some days, can tolerate most days, and still pays the bills. Almost nobody has a job they love every day.

6 If you’re getting overwhelmed by life, just return to the immediate present moment and savour all that is beautiful and comforting. Take a deep breath, relax.

7 Years go by in the blink of an eye. Don’t marry young. Live your life. Go places. Do things. If you have the means or not. Pack a bag and go wherever you can afford to go. While you have no dependents, don’t buy stuff. Any stuff. See the world. Look through travel magazines and pick a spot. GO!

8 Don’t take life so seriously. Even if things seem dark and hopeless, try to laugh at how ridiculous life is.

9 A true friend will come running if you call them at 2am. Everyone else is just an acquaintance.

10 Children grow up way too fast. Make the most of the time you have with them.

11 Nobody ever dies wishing they had worked more. Work hard, but don’t prioritize work over family, friends, or even yourself.

12 Eat and exercise like you’re a diabetic heart patient with a stroke — so you never actually become one.

13. Maybe this one isn’t as profound as the others, but I think it’s important… Floss regularly, dental problems are awful.

14. Don’t take anyone else’s advice as gospel. You can ask for advice from someone you respect, then take your situation into consideration and make your own decision. Essentially, take your own advice is my advice…

15. The joints you damage today will get their revenge later. Even if you think they’ve recovered completely. TRUST ME!

16. We have one time on this earth. Don’t wake up and realize that you are 60 years old and haven’t done the things you dreamed about.

17. Appreciate the small things and to be present in the moment. What do I mean? Well, it seems today like younger people are all about immediate gratification. Instead, why not appreciate every small moment? We don’t get to stay on this crazy/wonderful planet forever and the greatest pleasure can be found in the most mundane of activities. Instead of sending a text, pick up the phone and call someone. Call your mother, have a conversation about nothing in particular. Those are the moments to hold onto.

18. Pay your bills and stay the hell out of debt. If I could have paid myself all the money I’ve paid out in interest over the years, I’d be retired already.

19. If you have a dream of being or doing something that seems impossible, try for it anyway. It will only become more impossible as you age and become responsible for other people.

And finally, the last piece of advice:

20. When you meet someone for the first time, stop and realize that you really know nothing about them. You see race, gender, age, clothes. Forget it all. You know nothing. Those biased assumptions that pop into your head because of the way your brain likes categories, are limiting your life, and other people’s lives.

🌳🫶🏼🌳

-CTTO