#15 years of cas 🥰

[bookish-bees]

it's his day <3

[bylizhand]

watercolor cas.

castiel - my comfort character for the past 15 (!!!!) years. now with single line sunflower and bee tattoos 🥰

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Chapter 26

Chapter 26: "You Don't Mean to Hurt Me"

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

AN: And it’s back! Thank you everyone for your patience. It’s been quite the 2 months. Hopefully, I’ll be able to come back to a regular weekly, or at least Bi-weekly, posting. Happy reading! 🥰

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Rating: M (mention of sexual assault, explicit language, sexual scenes in prior chapters)

Status: COMPLETE

Warnings/spoilers: Hurt, Miscommunication

**********

Warning/Spoiler: All flashback; It's a loooooong one. 

April 2017, Anaheim, Ca

The guys were in town temporarily and would be leaving in a few days. There was a short window we were able to meet to just hang out. Tomorrow we would be at the recording studio together and then they would be flying off to who knows where.

I had driven to their hotel with my ex in the passenger seat. I honestly didn’t know why I invited him to go with me. Maybe I thought it would make him less pouty about me hanging out with guy friends. He had an issue with every friend I had that was of the opposite sex. And when I told him I would be hanging out with seven guys, he was a whining nightmare. I felt obligated to invite him.

Out of all my bad boyfriends, he was the worst. At the time, I didn’t think our relationship was unhealthy. We weren’t as extreme as my parents were, so in my eyes, we were stable. We didn’t throw heavy or dangerous items at each other. That was a plus.

The entire drive to the hotel had been quite unbearable. The argument just kept escalating. By the time we arrived at the parking lot, he was at the peak of yelling.

“If you don’t want to be here—you don’t have to,” I said to him, putting my car in park.

“So, you’re gonna hang out the entire night with a bunch of guys without your boyfriend there? That’s disrespectful,” he said loudly as I got out of my car.

“They’re just my friends,” I said back for maybe the tenth time.

“It looks like you’re their call girl,” he said loudly as he made his way toward me.

I knew other people were in the parking lot with us, but I didn’t dare look up. It wasn't our first argument in public; I was certain we had their full attention. I didn’t want to see the looks, so I kept my eyes away and did my best to keep my voice down.

“Fuck off,” I muttered to him.

He got to me and grabbed my arm, pulling me tightly towards him.

This physical maneuver was pretty common that my body reacted automatically. I pushed him off with vigor. “If you’re gonna be acting like an ass, then it’s best you don’t go.”

“This is gonna come out on the tabloids—you meeting them in their room. You’re gonna look like a whore to those—”

He used a term that ignited something in me. Angered me and made me see red. It changed everything. Up until that point, I had brushed off my ex’s verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. I didn’t see it as abuse back then because I always physically pushed him back—I, too, used words to call him names. Everything about his behavior had been excusable back then, but not the term he used. The term made me see him for what he really was: a racist, homophobic piece of shit.

I had never felt angrier at another person than at that moment. I couldn’t understand how I was ever with a guy that was like this—someone who would say such a vile thing.

“What’s wrong with you?! Why would you say that? They’re seven of the kindest people. They would never allow something like that to come out. Unlike you, they’re real fucking men. So go fuck off. We’re done. Find your way back home.”

I turned to leave as he said some obnoxious thing behind me, but I didn’t listen. He wasn’t worth it. Plus, I didn’t want to show up at the guys’ room upset.

From the corner of my eye, I could tell the people on the other side of the parking lot were making their way toward us. I didn’t want to get involved with other people, so I dodged away and left in the opposite direction. I would take the long way up to the hotel.

I sent a message to Hoseok letting him know I was on my way up. After getting into the hotel, I made sure to go into one of the restrooms and calmed myself down. Minutes later, I got to their floor and was met with a group of their team that welcomed me and guided me to Hoseok’s room.

Stepping inside, I was welcomed by sweet smiles. Most of the guys were there.

Hugging all of them, we settled into the room and hung out.

Even though I was friendly with them, I was most close with Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, and Suga. Jin, Jungkook, and RM were still quiet around me. Hoseok had invited me, convinced it was only a matter of time before I fully blended with the other guys.

So, there we were, all of us minus Namjoon, having drinks. Jin was talking a little more, which I appreciated. He was making jokes and keeping things light.

Jimin and he were bickering for a moment, which made me laugh.

Jin stared at me. “What?” I asked, curious about the look.

Jin smiled. “You’re like Hobi.”

Jimin nodded, agreeing. “I’ve said the same thing. There’s a reason they hit it off when we met.”

“They both laugh with their entire body; they're loud and push you when they laugh,” Suga added. “Hobi makes a lot of sound effects and Maya hums a lot.”

Taehyung nodded. “It’s almost like they were separated at birth.”

"Also, both are scary when they get angry," Jimin said with a teasing laugh.

Hoseok and I exchanged a look. We had discussed this with ourselves in the past. From the start of our friendship, we saw a lot of similarities in our personalities. I told him he must have been Latino in another life because his energy was starkly different than most Koreans I had met and aligned more with my culture.

“Maya and I were already having deep conversations within the first week of knowing each other,” Hoseok said. “We were even crying to each other.”

I nodded, remembering. “I think we were comparing the struggle of being an artist.”

Hobi agreed. “I was having trouble being far away from family and you were having trouble with a former boyfriend. I think you were missing him.”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t because I missed him. We were fighting. He was trying to make me feel guilty for always being on the road.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Hoseok said, his face falling a little. “Well, it’s a good thing he’s gone.”

I nodded. “I know how to pick them.” I grabbed the beer the guys had handed to me and took a sip, remembering the fight I had earlier with my now-ex.

“How are things with your current boyfriend?” asked Jimin carefully. “We thought he was coming with you.”

Looking around the room and seeing they all had their eyes on me felt a bit embarrassing. I would have felt comfortable talking more openly if only Hoseok, Jimin, Suga, and Taehyung were present. I didn’t want to lay all my baggage out in the open for Jin and Jungkook to see.

I took another sip of my beer, deciding to just give a little bit of truth. “We had a big fight in the parking lot. Decided to end things with him.”

They immediately began to voice their sympathies and give me comforting words.

“What was the argument about?” Taehyung asked as he soothed my arm.

At that moment, I heard the door open. I turned towards it and found RM walking in. The guys told me upon arriving that RM was taking a call from his girlfriend, which was why he had been missing since I had arrived.

RM caught my eye and gave me a greeting.

The dimples he displayed made butterflies suddenly appear in my stomach. Since meeting him, I had a small crush on the guy, but it always seemed to come in waves. The fact that he had a girlfriend made it easy to ignore whatever attraction I had for him.

“You don’t have to answer if you’re not comfortable doing so,” Suga immediately commented, sending Tae a glance. The look contained a lot of words.

Taehyung pulled back a little, giving a small pout.

My heart tugged at seeing the scolding. Taehyung was only being considerate. I didn’t want to talk about the fight—feeling embarrassed and angry for what my ex had said, but I also didn’t want Taehyung to think he had done anything wrong. I wanted to let Suga know I was perfectly fine with being asked the question.

“It’s fine that he asked,” I told Suga. I turned to Taehyung, gaining the courage to suppress my uncomfortableness. “The fight was similar to many we’ve had. He thinks I’m unfaithful, believes I care too much about my career and hates that I have too many guy friends. He didn’t like me coming over. Thinks guys and girls can’t be friends.”

“Yes they can,” Jungkook said out of nowhere. He hadn’t spoken much the entire night.

Seven pairs of eyes turned to him.

With a full look of valor, Jungkook confidently said, “I think of you as my friend. What does he know about male and female friendships?”

“Thank you, Jungkookie,” I said with a smile.

The guys wore proud grins on their faces as they looked at their youngest member. He was growing up quite rapidly. The timid boy they all had come to raise was developing into a young man with full confidence.

While the guys felt pride for their maknae, I felt gratitude for what he said.

I looked around and noticed Jin’s eyes fall on me at the same time. He gave me a small smile, almost as if he was silently agreeing with Jungkook’s words. Like he, too, saw in me a friend.

A warmth spread through my chest at the feeling that the two of them saw me just as the other guys did: a friend.

I turned to Namjoon, who also wore a small smile.

But before I could decipher his look, Hoseok’s voice pulled me away.

“Mai-Mai, we have a confession to make to you.” Hoseok held my eyes, his face fully serious. It was almost scary to see him without his signature smile. “We saw you in the parking lot.”

I frowned, not understanding.

“We were there for your argument. We saw your ex grab you,” he said sadly.

Now, I understood. A feeling of embarrassment came over, realizing it had been them who had been there to witness it all. I had cussed and yelled—I had not been well-behaved. And I don’t know why, but in their eyes, I never wanted them to see the worst in me. And that moment in the parking lot was not my finest moment.

“We went over as soon as he grabbed you,” Jungkook said, a scowl on his face. “But you left before we could get to you.”

“We know the nasty words he said to you. And you don’t deserve that,” Jimin said, a similar look of anger on his face.

“Namjoonie made sure security escorted him out,” Suga said, assuredly. “We had some of our team stay behind to ensure he didn’t come back. Security of the hotel has been informed about him.”

I looked around, reading all of their faces as they gave me comforting words. The look of concern on all of their faces told me that they didn’t think I had misbehaved. They looked over my moments of anger and seemed to focus on my ex’s behavior toward me.

I was grateful they were concerned about me and even more that they were looking after me. I thanked them.

“Namjoonie told us what he said about us,” Jin said, his eyes right on me. “We want to thank you for being a good friend and standing up for us.”

A blush swept over my cheeks.

“We’re glad to call you our friend,” Teahyung said proudly.

My eyes went around the room again, seeing how they were all looking at me so kindly. They all gave small nods, agreeing with Taehyung’s words. The last one my eyes fell on was RM. He was the one I still wasn’t sure of in our friendship.

He gave me a half smile. “Thank you.”

I gave a slight nod, feeling uncomfortable. It was odd that I was being thanked for being a decent human being. Why were they making me feel as if I had done something so courageous?

“How are you feeling?” Jimin asked, worriedly.

I thought for a moment, not knowing how to answer. How was I feeling? I had never thought of that. My initial reaction was to say “angry”. But the anger faded after spending time with the guys. Seeing looks full of concern staring back at me, I wondered if there was something to be concerned about.

“You just broke up with your ex, it’s normal for you not to have processed everything yet. It’s ok,” Suga said calmly. “The sadness and loss and confusion will come when it comes.”

Suga and I had had plenty of deep conversations in the last year. He knew me almost as well as Hoseok did.

But now that he said it, I was now starting to feel those exact emotions: sadness, loss, and confusion. The fight replayed back in my mind and a concern popped into my head as I did this. “I don’t know why I keep choosing these assholes. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

We were all quiet for a long moment.

“What would he say to you?” Hobi asked as Jimin came over to hand me a tissue.

It was then I noticed I had been crying. I apologized as I took the tissue and thanked Jimin.

I felt slight embarrassment in the state I was in. But knowing I was in the comfort of a group of friends, I felt ok in sharing. “Stupid shit like I don’t know how to prioritize a relationship. I make him feel like a second choice. My clothing is too revealing—men are going to take advantage of me. I’ll get groped and it’ll be my fault.” I shook my head in disgust. “I would tell him to fuck off, but yet I still went back like an idiot.”

“You deserve someone who is going to always respect you,” Jin said. “Disagreements happen but respect should always be there.”

Jimin nodded. “If he’s not kind to you, then what’s the point in being with him? You should be with someone who is going to treat you right.”

Wiping away my tears, I kept my eyes down, still feeling shame.

“There, no need to cry over some loser,” Suga encouraged.

“Aw, if she wants to cry, let her cry,” RM said immediately.

“Yeah. What’s wrong with crying?” Jin challenged.

My heart warmed at the two of them defending me, even though Suga only meant well with his words.

“That’s not what I meant. I just mean she should save her tears for someone who's worth it. That piece of shit doesn’t deserve anything from her,” Suga said defensively.

“That doesn’t change how she feels about him. He might be an asshole, but that doesn’t take away the fact that she cared for him,” RM argued back.

Soon, the three of them were starting a nonsense argument as Jimin tried to interfere and calm all of them down. Hobi tried to crack a few jokes to diffuse the situation, but Taehyung and Jungkook sat closer to me and offered me some of the fried chicken that had now turned cold, They watched the entertainment with Cheshire smiles.

“It gets pretty juicy sometimes. Let’s hope Jimini and Hobi-hyung are unsuccessful,” Jungkook said as he took a bite of his chicken and giggled.

“Be sure to take cover if Yoongi-hyung gets ahold of a shoe, though,” Taehyung muttered.

I was about to ask for clarification on this, but all of a sudden Jimin’s voice pulled my attention back to the argument.

“Hyung, put that down!”

Suga had taken hold of a pillow and Jimin had his arms extended out, creating a small shield in front of a massive RM.

The look on RM and Suga’s faces was stern, but it was hard to take them seriously as the two evil maknaes next to me giggled like children. Jimin also looked like a tiny character; did he think he could protect RM? He was so tiny. Jin was currently sitting down and also enjoying the show with a wide smile. This was how I knew there was nothing to be too concerned about. Surely if things got too out of control, Jin would step in….. Right?

The argument didn’t escalate too much. Suga did end up throwing the pillow at RM, but less than a few minutes later things calmed down. From the look of things, this happened every now and then as they all continued as if nothing happened. Occasionally, Jimin and Jungkook would replay bits and pieces of RM and Suga's argument, finding it comical.

We all went back to discussing other things. As I continued to hang out with all of them throughout the night, it was like I went through a Grinch moment on Christmas day. I felt my heart grow three sizes that night. I don’t know why it felt this good to know I was great friends with all these individuals. What was it about these seven men that could make anyone think they could conquer the world?

*******

Even though I only got a few hours of sleep that night, I still felt energized the next day. There was a song I was working on with the rap line. There was a time crunch, so we only had a day in the studio. Whatever didn't get done today, we would have to do electronically—something my brother Seb and I both disliked doing. We liked working with an artist physically in a room together. Doing things through email and phone calls muddied up the work.

We had a lot of ground to cover. When the guys arrived at my brother's studio, they went directly to work. Even though the guys were a bit worn out, they still gave it their all as they recorded. They were used to the workload.

Thankfully, everything went smoothly and we got done everything we set out to do. This was mostly because we had worked together before and knew how to speed up the process without risking the quality of work.

After Suga and Hoseok were satisfied with their parts, they left for some rest. My brother also stepped away for an important call. He announced he would be back in an hour or two. RM, however, wanted to stay longer to go over the record a little more. I stayed behind to assist.

RM was a perfectionist, so I knew it would be a few hours before he was satisfied. I decided to order us pizza. However, it was another half hour after the pizza arrived that RM was finally satisfied with the day’s work.

As RM took a few slices and served the both of us, I went into my brother’s mini-fridge and pulled out a couple of beers. RM and I had a similar way of working: we didn’t drink while we recorded, only until after.

It was the first time we hung out alone. Usually, someone else was always in the room. Now considering him a friend, I didn’t feel discomfort. I started asking personal questions that I hadn’t before. The topic of old relationships came up and it led me to ask what caused his last breakup. I knew he was head over heels for his current girlfriend, but I was curious about his past rather than his present.

“We broke up because it felt like she disrespected me,” he said finally after I had pushed a little. He originally didn’t want to talk about it, but somehow I convinced him to talk about it. “She had too many guy friends that were too physical with her.”

I couldn’t help but feel similarities to the argument my ex and I had last night. While I didn’t want anything to do with my asshole ex, I certainly wanted to get a different viewpoint on girl and guy friendships. Maybe RM could give me a glimpse into my ex’s thought process. Maybe there was a different perspective I was missing. I mean, if two of them seemed to have a problem with me having a lot of guy friends, maybe there was an angle I wasn’t considering?

“So you broke up because of the guy friends she had?” I asked, curiously.

“It’s not that she had guy friends—it was how close she was with them. And how many of them she had. There’s just a way you behave with guys and another that you behave with a boyfriend. It shouldn’t be physical—that gets reserved for boyfriends.”

“Physical—how?”

“Hugging and touching too much.”

I thought about how my relationship with Hobi and Jimin. We goofed off a bit. They had tickled me a few times. I didn’t see the big deal.

“And also the type of things that are talked about. There are topics reserved for only significant others. Things you can discuss with friends of the same sex, but not the opposite sex.”

“Like what?”

He hesitated. “Personal stuff.”

“Like?” I pressed.

He was getting shy, avoiding eye contact. A slight blush came across his cheeks. “Just personal stuff.”

Sex. Koreans and their shyness on the topic, especially when talking to the opposite sex, let me know he was referring to this.

As I considered his perspective, I still didn’t feel swayed from my opinion on female and male friendships. I didn’t see why and how that would affect a romantic relationship.

“I don't think I could be with someone who wanted me to stop being friends with Hoseok and Jimin. To not have Hoseok, who is the epitome of happiness and positivity, or Jimin who is incredibly kind… just seems wrong. I probably wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the guy doesn’t want me to be friends with other guys. Sounds kind of like it’s insecurity.”

Namjoon was quiet for a moment, deep in thought and considering his next words. “I don't think it's about insecurity. It's about respect.”

This somewhat annoyed me because it was a similar word my ex had used: ‘disrespectful’. “You think having a close relationship with the opposite sex is disrespectful?”

RM’s face was serious as he looked right at me, not breaking eye contact. “When there is a significant other involved, yes.”

A sudden urge to challenge him came over, especially after some of the guys had validated me last night about the topic. “But you and I are friends. Do you side with my ex when he said we shouldn’t be friends?”

RM shook his head in a dismissive manner. “That's different. We're work friends. You’re helping me out with something work-related. There’s nothing personal happening between us. Different rules.”

His words sank at a rapid pace.

Work friends. Not friends, but work friends. Someone you only spoke about certain topics with. Nothing personal. 

A feeling of nausea took over.

Work friends? Is that how he saw me? Someone to only hang out with during work hours? Only if he was getting paid to do so?

How could he think of me this way? We had known each other for years. I had been present for group trips, dinners, music video shoots, and recordings. I had been present during dress rehearsals and mic checks. Been to many live shows. I had seen some of RM’s lows: recording him had brought him to near exhaustion once and I had been present when a doctor was called. I made sure not to leave his side until the color came back to his face. We shared many stories while drinking a beer. I was his go-to person when he had English grammar questions. And just last night, we had an entire night full of laughter—I had shared thoughts and emotions because I thought we were friends.

And then it hit me. All of those shared moments had been alongside the rest of the guys. The group trips were always done with all members. The dinners and hangouts were always with the other guys present. And it was always Hoseok, Jimin, or Taehyung who would invite me to their shows and music video shoots. I never really hung out with RM, even more notably now that he had a girlfriend. Last night, it had only been Jin and Jungkook who verbally confirmed our friendship. RM had never agreed with the rest of the guys that he was friends with me.

Even after showing my tears and hurt last night, there was still a barrier between RM and me.

But, if I took a step back, I couldn't blame him. He had always created a line between us. I just had never seen it. I was a fool to think differently. A feeling of embarrassment took over. And hurt.

“Hey, you guys get done?” came a voice from the door as it swung open.

It was Sebastian, my brother. He was back.

I couldn’t be here. It was far too awkward. Not to mention I was feeling my heart rate accelerate.

“I gotta go,” I said suddenly, searching for my keys. There was pressure in my chest. I could feel my breathing change.

I cursed at myself silently as I spun around franticly. Where the hell were my keys?

“Mayita.” My brother’s voice pulled me.

Turning around, I saw him holding my keys, a look full of concern across his face. “Qué pasó?” He took a step close to me, blocking me from RM. He was trying to spare my embarrassment. He knew I felt self-conscious about my episodes, he was trying to ensure RM didn’t see me like this.

I shook my head, not being able to speak.

“Ve. Está bien,” he encouraged as he handed me my keys.

“Maya, what’s wrong?” RM asked. He took a few steps closer.

Hurrying out of the room, I heard my brother ask RM what had happened.

As I drove out of the property, I felt a stream of tears start coming down. My chest felt like it was being squeezed.

I felt like such an idiot. How could I have ever been so stupid to not see RM didn’t want to be friends? Just because he was nice and friendly did not mean that he wanted to be friends.

******

After an hour of driving around and crying, my negative thoughts began to go out of control. I began to doubt my friendship with the other guys. Were they also just being friendly with me and nice, like RM? Was it only Hoseok and Jimin who I had a genuine friendship with?

I felt the need to know the truth. There was no way Hoseok would ever be honest with me. He was much too kind for that. There was only one person who would be completely honest if I asked him to be.

Using some sunglasses, I made my way to the guys’ hotel. I had sent a message to the person I needed to see so the staff had been informed about my visit.

“What is it?” Suga asked as soon as he opened his door.

He looked concerned as soon as I took off my sunglasses. I must have looked like shit.

He stepped back, inviting me in.

“I'm sorry,” I said immediately. “I just...I need a direct answer and I know you’re the one who would be most honest with me.”

Suga looked a little uncomfortable. Maybe it was because he was only in his boxers.

“Hold on.” He reached over to a bathrobe and put it on. Poor guy, I hadn’t given him ample time for him to get ready.

Once again, I felt like an idiot. Of course, he would feel uncomfortable with me here. He probably saw me the same way RM did. We were work friends. Work friends didn’t visit each other in their personal bedrooms for non-work-related reasons.

“Are we friends?” I blurted out, not able to keep it in.

He looked even more confused. “What?”

“Would you consider us friends?” I asked a little more clearly this time.

“Yes. Of course.”

It seemed like I wasn’t being clear, so I became more specific. “I'm not talking about work friends or associates, but friends-friends. Someone you feel comfortable having deep conversations with? To share secrets with? Trust important information with?”

He couldn’t look more lost. “Yes. You are a friend of mine. Maiwa, what’s wrong?”

And then the tears just streamed down.

Suga reached over and gave me a one-arm hug. He held me for a good while. Once I had settled down, he asked again, “What’s wrong?”

I took a breath. “I was talking to RM and I found out the friendship I thought we had really only existed in my head. And if I was wrong about my friendship with him, maybe I’m wrong about my friendship with the rest of you guys.”

He pulled back a bit to look me in the eye. “Why would you say such a thing? Namjoonie values your friendship.”

I shook her head. “He sees us as associates. ‘Work friends’ were his exact words. Had I known he didn't see me as a friend, I would have waited until he was out of the room to talk so openly with you guys.”

Yoongi seemed to consider my words before he spoke again. “What you said last night was important. We're all grateful you trust us enough to share that with us. I'm sure he didn't mean what he said.”

“RM is one of the best communicators I know. He dissects everything he says. He’s careful and articulate. I’m more than sure he meant what he said. Especially when I’m the one who referred to the two of us being friends and he was quick to correct me. He said we were different from friends. We were work friends.”

Suga stayed quiet for a long while. Surely, he was going over what might have occurred in his head, questioning if I was overreacting.

It felt like another punch in the gut. A level of anger began to build toward RM. His words were making me doubt Suga. I had never thought negatively about any of the guys but now I was overanalyzing everything. Allowing self-pity to win over.

“You know Hobi once called us business partners? Not friends, but business partners,” he said carefully.

This was shocking to me. It didn't seem right. Hoseok would never say this about Suga or any of the other guys. He loved his six members more than brothers.

Suga seemed to have read my mind. “He did...but he wasn’t serious. It took a moment to figure out he was only messing around, but I remember that horrible feeling that someone I cared for, thought of me as something so insignificant. To me, the six guys are an eternal family. My brothers for life. So, hearing those words, it cut something deep.” He looked sad at the memory. “Thankfully, it was a misunderstanding. Hopefully, for your circumstance, it was as well.”

New, warm tears began to stream down. “I don’t think so, Suga. I’ve been thinking about it. RM and I never hung out. Not by ourselves, that is. And whenever we talk, he doesn’t really ask personal questions. I ask him about his family and girlfriend and past, but he’s never shown interest in me. I don’t think that’s how friends are.”

Suga was quiet again. “Namjoonie is someone who holds up many walls. It takes a good deal to bring them down. I’ll be honest, there are moments when he doesn’t let us in. He carries a lot on his shoulders. Sometimes Jin can get through to him, but when he shuts down, there’s no way of getting him to open up. He has to be the one who’s ready to do so. A lot is going on lately. I’m not trying to make excuses for him, but I’m sure he’s stressed and not thinking clearly.

“I know his heart. He’s an incredible person and someone who would never want to hurt someone. I’m sure if he sees he’s upset you, he’ll do everything in his power to set things right.”

I didn’t say anything. A part of me believed Suga, but a bigger part was buried deep in the pain and I couldn’t see straight. I was stuck in a negative headspace.

We didn’t speak much for the remainder of the night. Suga kept his arm around me for a while longer.

This moment I was having with Suda reminded me of last year when we were recording a song for their current album. I was asked to help assist with a solo song for him. While writing for the track, the two of us went the entire night drinking and comparing childhood stories. We found we shared a complicated relationship with music. We were both born to be musicians but there came a point in our lives where we resented it for different reasons. His thoughts about it were similar to mine and together, we created a song that held a special place in my heart. It was a song that after the recording was done, I only listened to once due to the power it had over me. It was one of the few songs I had taken part in writing but couldn’t listen to.

As I sat next to Suga, I began to feel sleepy. When he noticed this, he offered me his bed. I insisted on using the couch in his room, knowing I couldn’t drive at this stage but not wanting to inconvenience my friend either. He had none of it. He placed the covers around me and took the couch for himself.

My doubts about the rest of the guys seeing me as their friend began to float away.

******

-NAMJOON-

The next day was full of activity. The schedule for the guys was set from the start of the day and would carry on until the night. The next day, they were set to leave LA for their next destination.

Having the responsibility of ensuring everyone was awake today, Namjoon woke early the next morning. He knew his hyungs were more than likely awake, so he went directly to the three youngest rooms first. After ensuring they woke up, Namjoon then made his way to Hobi and Jin’s rooms; not surprisingly, the two of them were easier to stir awake. Finally, he headed to Yoongi’s room. Namjoon was certain he was awake, but he’d rather play it safe and check.

Just as Namjoon got to Yoongi’s room, he saw his hyung’s door open. And out came a curly-haired brunette.

Namjoon stopped in his tracks. It had been a while since Yoongi had brought a girl to a hotel room, but he had never done so while they were overseas. What chick had he hooked up with last night? He didn’t know any Americans. And judging from this girl’s backside and figure, she was not Korean, so it couldn’t be one of their staff.

“Thanks again, Yoongi,” said the girl as Yoongi stepped up to the doorway to see her off.

He gave her a small smile and a half hug.

It took Namjoon a moment, but he finally recognized the voice. “Maya?”

Maya turned; her almond-shaped eyes wide. Did she look…scared?

Namjoon remembered how she had left so abruptly from the studio yesterday. Sebastian had asked him what had happened, but he genuinely didn’t know. One moment they were having a conversation and the next Maya was gone. He had noticed the change in her breathing right as Sebastian tried blocking him from looking at her. Namjoon asked Sebastian what had been wrong with Maya, but Sebastian simply said that she got sick every once in a while but didn’t give specifics. It worried Namjoon. He had even sent Maya a couple of messages, wishing she felt better.

But Namjoon figured she had gone home to rest. Why was she here? Had she spent the night with Yoongi? Was there more going on between them that he hadn’t noticed?

“What are you doing here?” Namjoon asked her bluntly, stepping forward.

Maya took several steps away from him. Some tears began to make their way down her eyes. “I gotta go.” She gave Yoongi a quick look and walked away in a hurry.

As she left, Namjoon could hear her take deep breaths, just as she had last night.

He wanted to go after her to see if she was ok, but something made his feet stay where they were. “Why was she crying?” Namjoon asked.

“How about you tell me?” Yoongi asked, a lethal note detected in his tone.

Namjoon frowned, not understanding. “Did I do something wrong?”

“I would say so. What the hell were you on yesterday?” he asked, the lethal note sounding deadlier.

“Excuse me?” Namjoon’s patience began to wear thin. His defenses started to come up.

He and Yoongi got into intense arguments, sometimes it seemed out of nowhere. Since meeting each other, Namjoon and Yoongi’s relationship had been intense. It mostly stemmed from their competitiveness and different personalities. Yoongi tended to be stubborn and blunt while Namjoon was more docile and subtle. Their opposite traits tended to create the most intense fights.

Namjoon did his best to avoid arguing as much as he could, but the guy always knew what buttons to press. Just like he was now.

“What did you tell Maiwi last night?” Yoongi demanded.

Namjoon was quick to notice the nickname. Hobi and Jimin usually called her 'Mai-Mai', but Yoongi had created a nickname for Maya that was fully Korean. That could only mean one thing, right?

“Are you guys together?” Namjoon asked, shocked.

Yoongi looked completely unimpressed. “You know, for a genius, you really are daft sometimes. Nothing’s going on between me and Maya. She’s a friend. And she only sees a friend in me as well. Wish she could say the same thing about how she sees you, though.”

Namjoon’s confusion only deepened. “What?”

“Did you seriously tell her that you guys were work friends?”

Namjoon thought for a moment. “Yeah.”

“Aishhhh,” Yoongi hissed out as he shook his head disappointedly.

“What?”

“You hurt her feelings, Namjoon,” Yoongi emphasized.

Namjoon was taken about by these words. He didn’t know how to react. But he continued to listen to Yoongi as he spoke.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but last night was the first time Maya has ever opened up about how toxic her relationships are. Hobi even pointed out that even with him, Maya is pretty quiet about her relationships. He’s noticed markings on her arms in the past, but she’s always dismissed the bruises. I’ve seen a couple of bruises on her as well, but never asked her about it, fearing what her answer would be. And last night she confirmed our suspicions.

“She opened up to us because she thought she was talking to friends. She felt safe bringing down those walls. And then you go and tell her she’s not a friend? What the fuck do you think that did to her?” Yoongi demanded.

The realization of his mistake made Namjoon want to start digging a hole for himself to live inside. “Shit,” he let out. He replayed the entire conversation from last night in his head. What the hell had possessed him to say such a thing?

So much was going on lately, that he had behaved and spoken without thinking. But it was no excuse for him acting like a jerk.

Yoongi was right, Maya had entrusted them and opened up to them. And she was a friend. Last night during her breakup with her ex, she had proved how great of a friend she was. He had fucked up.

He turned towards the hall, but Maya was long gone. "I didn't mean it that way; just that we're not that close like I am with you guys or my other friends."

“Listen, whatever backward, caveman mentality you have on guy and girl friendships, I couldn't give two shits about. But the rest of us do consider her a friend. She's shown great loyalty to us not only professionally—she's defended us countless times in the media whenever some idiot makes a racist or homophobic comment about us—but just last night she even defended us privately. It looked like she was about to fight her ex after he said what he said."

"I know," Namjoon agreed. "She's amazing. We're lucky to have an ally like her."

"We're lucky to have a friend like her," Yoongi corrected him.

Namjoon just gave a nod, his eyes still on the hall, where Maya had disappeared into. He was still debating on going after her.

"We have a full schedule today,” Yoongi said, knowing exactly what was going through Namjoon’s head. “It’s best to call her. See if you can meet tonight or tomorrow morning before we fly out.”

Namjoon nodded, taking out his phone.

“I know you can be blunt with your honesty, but you really need to think before you speak. Especially when it comes to someone who hasn't come to fully know you quite yet. Set things right with her, Namjoon. Don’t fuck it up with her. She’s a good person,” Yoongi said then turned back to his room.

Namjoon pressed Maya’s name on his contacts. He left a message, apologizing over and over.

Around noon, she still hadn’t responded, so he called again.

That night, he called again.

And again.

And again….

***********

~MAYA~

I had only agreed to meet with him after the 10th voicemail. Plus, Yoongi had sent me a message, telling me to give RM an opportunity to explain.

It was the following morning when we met. The guys always booked out an entire floor, meaning there were plenty of empty rooms. When I entered the room, RM was already inside waiting.

He stood up once he saw me. “Thank you for coming,” he said politely.

Instantly, I felt an uneasiness in my stomach. No words came out of me; I remained standing, just staring at him.

RM took a breath, a look of regret washing over his face. “I want to apologize for yesterday. What I said, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I do value your friendship. Please, do not think I don’t,” RM sounded like he was pleading.

A rush feeling of flight took over, I didn’t want to be here. However, my feet remained still “You don’t have to apologize for something you feel. I shouldn’t have made assumptions. I feel embarrassed for putting you in an awkward position.”

“No. Not at all. I—”

My feet jerked and I could feel them wanting to make their way to the door. I forced my body to remain still. “I don’t want to keep talking about this; it’s upsetting. And I don’t want to cry in front of you.” I don’t know what possessed me to be so blunt and honest. Maybe it was because it was my best bet for him to let me leave without causing a scene.

I took a deep breath, trying my best to maintain control of my emotions. “Let’s continue as we have. When the guys invite me over, I’ll come over like normal. If you need some advice with English, it’s fine if you email me or text me like you usually do. I’ll be sure to stop inviting you over to hang out. Now, all these years later, I understand why you never accepted my invitations, so I’ll stop putting you in an uncomfortable situation.”

“Maya—”

“I know you have your flight to catch, so I’ll be on my way out.” My feet finally won the battle and moved towards the door.

RM’s long legs were quick; he made his way in front of me, blocking me. “I’m sorry, Maya. Please. I want to set things right.”

I always spoke in Korean with all the guys. Every once in a while I would say some English words, but normally I stuck with Korean. It was a struggle since Korean was not my first language and one that I didn’t use daily. Even with my Tia Jia and her family, I spoke more English with them than Korean. I never told any of the guys, not even Hoseok, but it certainly took a lot of energy when I was with them. It never felt stressful, though, because the guys were worth it—they were my friends. But I suddenly didn’t feel the drive to overwork my brain. Maybe it was because RM wasn’t a friend.

I decided to stick to English. “You meant what you said. As shitty as it felt, you meant it. I don’t want you to let Suga make you feel guilty. Everything is fine with us professionally. Personally, I’m hurt. I don’t want to be here because I know I’m going to cry and I don’t want to do that in front of you.”

It was like someone had just slapped him in the face, RM looked so taken aback and hurt. He composed himself and gave a nod. “Ok. Can we talk later?” He asked softly in English.

He looked like a kicked puppy and the sad tone in his voice made my stomach turn. Guilt. I wanted to forgive him and forget all the words from nights ago because he did look to mean his apology, but my pride kept me from accepting it. “Maybe. I don't know.”

He leaned forward like he was about to take a step closer to me but he stopped himself and stayed at a distance. “I'll call you this weekend,” he said with determination, still in English.

I didn’t say anything. I walked out and went into the hall, heading to the elevator.

He stayed at the doorway, watching me as I waited for the elevator doors to open.

I kept my head high, doing my best to not give in and cry. Even as I entered the elevator, I kept it in, not allowing my emotions to come undone until I was on the highway.

RM did call me that weekend. Several times. At all times of the day. But I didn’t pick up.

********

He called again several days later. But still, I did not answer.

He sent messages, asking when I was free. He would make time. I didn’t reply.

A couple of weeks after, there were a few emails, asking the same question. But they all went unanswered.

In the months that followed, my communication with the rest of the guys increased. Not only was I chatting with Hoseok, Jimin, Tae, and Yoongi, but Jungkook and Jin would randomly send me messages as well. Jungkook's were scarce, but knowing he wasn’t much of a texter meant a lot. Jin's messages were mostly funny video clips of them. We played a few mobile games together. With the two of them, I felt a sweet and genuine friendship. 

But even though it felt nice to have six of them in my life, it felt like something was missing. I would get the urge to message RM, but I didn’t know how to start a conversation. I slowly began to see things more logically; my anger faded, and my hurt no longer took precedence. However, my pride would then take over. I became determined not to allow myself to be weak again. RM had hurt me and I shouldn’t let him do it again. I didn’t need to beg someone to be friends with me. Hoseok and Jimin had been right that night I had broken up with my ex. I needed to start cutting bad people out of my life. Not that I thought RM was a bad person, but he certainly was someone who didn’t care about me. Why should I keep someone in my life if I didn’t matter to them?

As the months went on, RM’s phone calls stopped. His text messages didn’t come anymore. Some emails were exchanged. But they were always work-related and kept cordial on my end.

I took notice he always signed off with, “Call me anytime.”

But I didn’t do so.

*****

-November 2017-

In the many months that followed, I managed to make drastic changes in my life. I cut off anyone in my life that was not a good influence. Taking the guys’ advice to me, I made sure to only keep people who I knew had my best interest at heart. The guys I normally went for, I made sure to avoid. No artists, no musicians, no guys dressed in that homeboy style. Those were my rules. If a guy came up to me with any one of those characteristics, I dodged them.

I managed to catch a couple of good guys but dumped them pretty quickly after finding no real chemistry with them.

It was a good and positive change for me. I felt better than ever knowing I was actively being more positive.

However, something seemed off still. And I knew why that was.

After many talks with Hoseok, Yoongi, and my Tia Jia, I finally got the courage to send Namjoon a message.

The guys were scheduled to come back to LA and it felt like a good time to meet with RM.

Once again, we met at one of the many rooms they had checked out in their hotel.

This time, I made sure to be the first to arrive. I felt it was only fair. It was difficult not to acknowledge that he had in fact all he could to set things right. He had done his best to reach out to me; it was my turn to reach out just as much.

As he entered the room, I got to my feet. “Hi.”

Being the ever-polite young man he was, RM gave me a proper bow, thanking me for meeting him.

 My heart squeezed at seeing this. Guilt came over. How could I ever have thought any part of RM was negative? He had made a mistake. He was allowed to do so. He was human.

RM had a whole speech prepared. It was like he had rehearsed it several times, hardly taking a breath. “I do see you as a friend. I always have. I was an idiot to have said what I said," was how he ended his speech.

I gave him a small nod. “I appreciate your apology. And I’m sorry on my end for not reaching out earlier. I think it was my pride mixed in with my embarrassment for my overreaction, but—”

“You didn’t overreact,” RM cut me off. “You were right to be upset. I spoke without thinking. Just like you told me, you shouldn’t apologize for how you feel.”

I was quiet for a moment, considering his words.

“So, can we be friends?” RM asked with a teasing smile.

His dimples made the butterflies in my stomach go wild. I felt the crush I had for him emerging. I did my best to squash it. “Yes,” I answered.

The dimples on his cheeks deepened.

Wanting to forget the last half year, I decided to move the conversation to something lighter. “Ok, I need some guy advice and Hoseok and Yoongi still haven’t answered my damn messages.”

“I’m all ears,” he said, taking a seat on the couch and giving me all of his attention. He seemed eager to prove himself.

“So, there’s these two guys I’m talking to—only talking. Nothing physical has happened with either one of them…yet,” I said with a snicker.

“Ok, I see where this is going,” RM said with a smile. “Been on dates with either one of them? Gone to dinner with them?”

“Went on a couple of dates so far with both of them. Dinner with both.”

“How did they treat the staff?”

I frowned, not understanding.

He read my confusion. “Go on a dinner date with both of them again. Look for an opportunity for the staff to make a mistake and see how they react. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat staff. If he’s an ass, don’t make excuses, and stop talking to him. Keep the one who is humble and treats the staff like a decent human being.”

I considered his advice and concluded it was a pretty damn good one. “Thanks. I’ll do that.”

“What do these two guys do? What vocation are they in?”

“One is a talent agent, really hot and a pretty good smooth talker—very fun to be around. And the other one is an attorney. He’s alright, but a little boring.”

“What makes him boring?” RM asked curiously.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Just doesn’t seem to be too exciting. A real homebody, which I’m cool with, but you know—I like to go out, you know. Possibly travel; have some fun. This talent agent and I have gone to the club and I had a good time with him. The attorney I have yet to have fun with.”

RM stopped me. “Wait, I’m remembering something. Weren’t you dating some actor? I thought I saw you at one of the premieres with him.”

“Oh, yeah. We dated for a few months, but it didn’t last. His schedule got to be too much.”

RM seemed to be thinking. “Was it just the schedule that was an issue? You’re an artist, you should be able to understand a busy schedule and work it out.”

I felt I was being called out. “Fine. It wasn’t his schedule. He just…he was a bit bland.”

RM chuckled. “Bland?”

“Yeah, he tended to like the quieter dates. A simple dinner and a movie at his place. He never wanted to go out.”

RM cocked his eyebrow, signaling to me that he suspected something about me.

I was sure I knew what he was thinking. “So, I prefer to have fun. What’s wrong with that?”

RM put a hand in defense and laughed lightly. “No, I don’t mean to judge. It’s just that…it seems like you aren’t willing to bend a little to the guys’ preference. Being part of a couple is sometimes doing things for the other person. Just like you want to go to the club with him, maybe give him that night in.”

I let his words marinade, considering if he was right.

“Maya, I say this as a friend who cares for you: many of your past boyfriends haven’t been the best choices. Maybe try going for a guy completely different than what you’re used to. I’m not saying change your personality, but start being open to someone very different than who you usually go for.”

He was kind of making sense.

“Give this lawyer guy a chance,” he suggested with a warm smile.

I gave him a nod.

On the following dates I had with the talent agent and the attorney, I paid attention to how they were with the staff. The talent agent failed miserably, snapping at staff at the first opportunity. However, the attorney, a guy named Jerry, was a complete gentleman.

I followed my friend’s advice and decided to see where this thing with the attorney would lead.

------------------------

AN: I've been wanting to do a Namjoon POV and I finally found the perfect spot for it! 🥰

ANNOUNCEMENT: The next two weeks will be pretty busy at work. I might go a couple of weekends without posting, my apologies. The good thing is we are closer to the end of this story.

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

[trannydean-moved]

ur spn oc intrigues me so much. i couldn't find the post u mentioned this in so i may just be misremembering but i'm p sure u mentioned some sort of spn musician au with him? and i have been so curious about that pleaasse 🙏 i need to know the details

oh yeah!!! my au where dean is a musician 🥰🥰🥰 it's actually inspired by two different fanfics i like (texas state of mind by palominopup and starstruck by peanutbutterjelly-pie. tbh i haven't finished starstruck but i love what i've read so far). i love this one, but i don't have the most planned out for it yet 💔 but here's what i've got so far:

dean is a (probably country) musician who has had writer's block (or the song writing version of this?) for a hot minute and he's been really pressed into needing to get inspiration for something new. sometime makes him remember his two "best friends" (THEY WRRE ALL GAY FOR EACH OTHER. duh) from high school, and he suddenly gets inspiration for a song. it's a love song ofc, like he's confessing his feelings and expressing his sorrow of not keeping in contact with them, and talking about how he'll prolly never see em again so he's sad about that.

he writes it and records it and releases it, and it's a huge hit. there's also lots of controversy surrounding it because no pronouns outside of i/me/my are mentioned in it, and the two names used (jaime and cas) are both technically gender neutral! so everyone's like "okay is this two guys??? two girls???? a guy AND a girl???" (btw both jaime and cas are non-binary so HA none of those options are right 🥰). so like the song gets popular both bc it's a hit and bc it's talked about so much bc people are trying to puzzle out the entire context of the song.

meanwhile, both jaime and cas hear the song, whether it's because they keep up with dean even tho they haven't been in contact since the end of highschool, or they just hear it on the radio bc it's playing everywhere rn. both are shocked, bc like "🥹🥹 omg he remembers me... he remembers US". they've all been living separate lives for a while, it's been at least 15 years since they all last saw each other. like dean went to a college far away, cas and jaime lingered a little before they just moved on to do their own thing because dean was gone, and they didn't see the point of sticking around their old hometown, and it hurt too much to be together with dean not there as well. they were THEE trio!! they weren't whole without dean :(

and now all three of them seriously reminsce about their old high school "friendship" and it becomes painfully clear to all three of them that yeah. they weren't just friends. they definitely were more than that. but what can they do about that now??

well first thing's first, jaime decides to look cas up in the phone book of the place jaime last knew he was at. he's surprised and relieved to see cas' number was still there, and he calls cas. he's basically like "hey so have you heard what's been playing on the radio lately"

and cas is like "um yeah...."

"we should go see him"

"how the hell are we going to do that?? he doesn't just have his home address on his twitter profile 🙄 it's not going to be easy"

"oh come on, who ever says true love is easy?" and jaime says this mostly jokingly, like to break the ice of THAT conversation. despite how jokingly he says it, it's PRETTY obvious from the song that dean is in love with them both still, and he really misses them. dean is SO in love with them and really, jaime and cas feel the same too. and cas ends up agreeing, of course, because jaime is obviously right about meeting dean again.

cas and jaime meet up and are sooo awkward and silly while trying to figure out how they're going to see dean again. they find out when dean's next concert is and they decide that's a perfect place to reunite with dean. tho cas is like "it's going to be difficult for him to notice us when there's tens of thousands of people at the concert"

and jaime's like "we'll MAKE him notice us" and cas is quite worried about what that could mean.

unfortunately i haven't thought of how exactly they're going to get dean to notice them yet. but somehow they do, and dean is SO excited, and he puts his whole pussy into that concert just for them 💕💕💕

then they ofc reunite afterwards and there's lots of awkwardness bc NONE of these guys can be normal 🙄🙄🙄 BUT it's cute and it's going to be cool.

[kazuaru]

Get to know me???

1: (What’s your favorite sims death ?) 

I would just say the classic fences around the pool.

2: (Alpha CC or Maxis Match ?)

Maxis match only bc i’ve been dl’ing mm cc recently bc of @.sojutrait.

3: (Do you cheat when your sims gain weight ?)

I think i did when i use to play sims.

4: (Do you use move objects ?)

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!

5: (Favorite mod ?)

Color Slider.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got ?

Get to work.

7: (Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing ?)

Liv mode.

8: (Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made ?)

Jaylin

9: (Have you made a simself ?)

Yes i have & i look bad so it looks bad :[

10: (What sim traits do you give yourself ?)

Lazy.

11: (Which is your favorite EA hair color ?)

The ginger hair colors.

12: (Favorite EA hair ?)

The receding hairlines hairs bc yall cc creators don’t make any 😢

13: (Favorite life stage ?)

Young adult.

14: (Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay ?)

Builder/cas

15: (Are you a CC creator ?)

no....😞

16: (Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad ?)

um i would say @.bunmou & @.veone bc i talk to them in pm’s but all of yall a really nice to me & i think we are all friends. 😊💘

17: (What’s your favorite game ?)

Sims 4 sometimes.

18: (Do you have any sims merch ?)

Surprisingly no.

19: (Do you have a YouTube for sims ?)

No 😕

20: (How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing ?)

Female sims.

Male sims.

21: (What’s your Origin ID ?) 

Kazuarusims (i did changed it)

22: (Who’s your favorite CC creator ?)

@.obscurus-sims

23: (How long have you had a simblr ?)

Idk checking i would say around after may 2018.

24: (How do you edit your pictures ?)

With Photopea.

25: (What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far ?)

Cat & dogs.

26: (What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next ?)

A future pack like for sims 3.

Thanks to @servospawn for tagging me 🥰💖!!!

I’ll tag @astystole / @kashisun / @veone / @rollingsim​ / @rollo-rolls​ & @plunni​

[catnipsims]

BESTIE @aliengirl tagged me, thankou !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sims Tag

1. What’s your favourite sims death? The city living pufferfish one 😭 its kinda silly hgishughuhdg

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? well i used to be maxis match but idk anymore hiushguriugiosrhig alpha cc is so pretty on the previews but often looks... crunchy????? in game... so i guess i tend to stick to mostly mm???

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? I've never played far enough of any household to notice weight gain 😭😭😭

4. Do you use move objects? GIRL YES 😍😍

5. Favorite mod? i CANNOT live without more columns in cas & no cc wrench 😭😭

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? first one i got back when my game was still a legal copy was city living !

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? LIVing !!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? i have an unhealthy attachment to veronique, the model sim i made back in 2020. (Shes the one i used to model my recent Octavia hair) her tag

9. Have you made a simself? yes on multiple occasions 😭here

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? I just choose random ones most of the time???? but after checking creative seems to be a common one??

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Oh the fourth one, that new warm brown one, i keep needing to restrict myself from using it on every single sim i ever make....

12. Favorite EA hair? really love the short parted one from the free update back in september?????? of 2021

13. Favorite life stage? the few times ive tried playing in live mode its been young adults so that one????????

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? im only ever really in cas eiughisghiruhg. i build sometimes but i really never play in live mode so i guess builder????????????

15. Are you a CC creator? well im supposed to be but cc creating is just on the backburner rn 🤭 also bugfixing gives me anxiety

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? i have the 5-ish mutuals that i keep harassing with my silly comments, but definitely no full on squad

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) ts4 was the first one i got, and the only one ive really played, so i guess that one

18. Do you have any sims merch? nough 🥰😍🤪👍

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? i tried and forgot about it 😭😭😭 so currently no

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? i think i used alpha cc back in like 2017????????????? and then i transitioned to my hardcore maxismatch era back during the early times of this simblr if you were there no you dont i ate your memories of me and now its just all over the place (maxis mix????????? idk)

21. What’s your Origin ID? i think its just catnipsims????? i could be wrong but i dont use the gallery anyway....

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? oh thats a difficult question 😭😭 id say @pralinesims, @simandy, @clumsyalienn, and @marsosims !!!!!!!!!!

23. How long have you had a simblr? since summer of 2019 i think???? yes i was 12 dont bully me

24. How do you edit your pictures? editing???? never heard of her.... no but i use photoshop for whatever minor adjustments i want to make through liquify and adjusting contrast and whatnot

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? any occult related anything will fullfill my sim creating needs 🤭🤭

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? since im so rarely in live mode i dont really have any opinion on gameplay ghihuighruie but i really really love the aesthetics of snowy escape in like every aspect but gameplay (cas, buildbuy, world etc.)

tag @barbieaiden, @marsosims, @eva-andsomenumbers, @avornalino, @woosteru, @ravensim, @wastelandwhisperer / @adrasteamoon, @radical-sims, & @chelseasasimmer and anyone else who i forgor 😭😭 sorry my brain is not the best

[gorgosim]

Sims Tag <3

tagged by: @citruswhim Ty bb ily 😘

1. What’s your favourite sims death? Okay so I looked at a video of all the deaths and there are SO many I had no idea about?? My sims never die of anything but old age, but getting killed by a rabbit is fucking hilarious to me

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Maxis Match! I used to use alpha, but it just looked very out of place for me and I switched many years ago.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Absolutely not. For me, I like to play the sims as realistic as possible and make my sims as realistic as possible (while still having the goofiness of the sims of course) and none of my sims that I create and/or play with are made to fit a specific standard. All of my sims are beautiful in their own unique way 🥰

4. Do you use move objects? I only use move objects

5. Favorite mod? Woohoo Wellness and Pregnancy Overhaul - It adds so much realism and I adore every aspect of this mod

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? I honestly don't remember, but if I had to guess it was most likely Get to Work when it released

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? LIVing

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? Most of my sims are born into a legacy so I don't create them, but the most recent sim I made who is definitely my most favorite in a long time is Jay Stone: (he's still not completely done as I can't sit in cas very long but here he is)

9. Have you made a simself? Yes but years ago. I look completely now, I also am just not one to play with my simself

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? Geek, Gloomy, Creative, (and if I could add an extra 2) Romantic and Music Lover

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Black, so unique I know

12. Favorite EA hair? Probably the laundry day hair with the clip, it's just very nice to me idk why lmao

13. Favorite life stage?  Probably just young adult since I relate with that stage the most, plus almost everything in the game caters to that stage anyways

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Both! I love both building and playing

15. Are you a CC creator? Nope

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? Yes, y'all know who you are 😘

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4)  3!

18. Do you have any sims merch? Yes! I have a plumbob on my lanyard that I got from Etsy

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? I do but there is nothing on it!

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?  Dramatically, my sims now I feel are a lot more unique and realistic.

21. What’s your Origin ID? Divlly

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator?  EvellSims

23. How long have you had a simblr? Since January 10th, 2018. So 5 years!

24. How do you edit your pictures? Photoshop

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? I have the packs that I want that actually exist. BUT, I will forever beg for a Punk Pack

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? My personal favorite is the Paranormal stuff pack. It fits a specific niche, but it adds a whole new lot type, cas + BB items AND new gameplay. It's the most "bang for you buck" pack imo

I'll tag // @kissalopa @cantseemtohide @cyazurai @akitasimblr @hause-of-pancakes @theageofsims (As always, don't do it if you don't wanna)

[glowbloom]

sims get to know me tag!

thank you for the tag @jonquilyst @aurorangen & @seokolat 🥰

1. what’s your favourite sims death? pufferfish!

2. alpha cc or maxis match? maxis match! i used to be maxis mix and may go back, but for now mm!

3. do you cheat when your sims gain weight? maybe minor tweaks but nothing major.

4. do you use move objects? yes! always!

5. favorite mod? mccc and ui cheats are the classic 2. probably also the more kisses mod adds so many cute animations.

6. first expansion/game/stuff pack you got? whatever came out first! get to work? or outdoor retreat? i can’t remember now haha

7. do you pronounce “live mode” like alive or living? always living

8. who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? hmmmm to be fair i’m pretty happy with gabriel & makenzie’s little one 👀

9. have you made a simself? once! it looked nothing like me lol

10. what sim traits do you give yourself? foodie, clumsy and perfectionist. for 5 i would add cat lover and loyal.

11. which is your favorite ea hair color? i’m quite boring probs the dark brown haha

12. favorite ea hair? i only really use cc hairs tbh. but i do really like that laundry day(?) hair with the claw clip?

13. favorite life stage? i do love infants… but i think still has to be ya now with university too.

14. are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? definitely gameplay, i like decorating but suck at building. i do love cas too.

15. are you a cc creator? nope!

16. do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? i did when i used to blog in 2017 but now i’m new again and just having fun posting for myself hehe

17. what’s your favorite game? sims 4! sims 3 was my first game but i do think despite its flaws sims 4 is my favourite.

18. do you have any sims merch? no.

19. do you have a youtube for sims? no.

20. how has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? my sims defo used to have quite large eyes lol think i’ve improved. and yeah less alpha eyes and clothes

21. what’s your origin id? there’s nothing to see on my gallery, not sure what it is probs one of my personal usernames

22. who’s your favorite cc creator? too many creators i use to choose

23. how long have you had a simblr? this simblr is a few months old now since infants came out. i posted consistently back in 2017-2019 before.

24. how do you edit your pictures? i just use gshade and maybe paint to add the moodlets 😂 i used to spend hours using photoshop actions and manually blurring bgs on a macbook back in 2017, now i’m just posting for fun with no pressure!

25. what expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? i actually love island living for the world, it’s so pretty. i also really love growing together for the milestones.

26. what expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? i would love pack refreshes of ones like get to work, outdoor retreat. as for new content, i’m not sure - but not horses 😭

i am not sure who to tag as i am late to post this! so pls if u want to do this, say i tagged you 🩷

[suffcring]

Hey Ben 🥰 we just met in 2023 and that not too long ago, but I am very happy we crossed paths! Despite being off to a rocky start, I think we managed and became friends. You are so incredibly talented, your writing, your takes: it’s all so perfect and I love reading everything you put on the dash. You’re a staple on my dash now , and I hope that 2024 treats you with more kindness and happiness than this year 💖 I wish you nothing but the best, always.

2023 is almost over! With the final month of the year here, it’s your chance to send the mun or muse something you’ve wanted to tell them! Whether you haven’t had the chance to or you’ve been too shy, now’s the time to say what you feel, and don’t hold back!

Cas! It is 3 am and I am shaking you violently but affectionately. I still don't know how I blocked you that last time, like I genuinely don't know what happened.

But! I'm glad we're good, now. It's fun chatting with you, even when it's just us sending eachother 15 second voice memos on disco while we giggle about stupid circumstances circling Terzo's death

[frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe]

20 questions for fic writers

i was tagged by @stevethehairington, thanks mack!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? only 10!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 149,243

3. What fandoms do you write for? mainly been stranger things and one little spn drabble here on tumblr and my st/spn crossover fic

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Several Notes of the Most Amiable Nature - aka secret admirer au (my first fic!) 2. A Recipe for Disaster - the princess diaries 2 au 3. (Reprise) - sequel to Several Notes 4. i'm outta my head over you - my mixtape fic 5. of sunshine and starlight - PWP 😏

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? i am so super behind, but yes!!!! and i appreciate them all so so much 🥺

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? definitely it's a date, my summer challenge fic (but i am working through a follow-up that makes it a happy ending i promise 😭)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? of all of them, i would probably say Several Notes; that one is the schmoopiest ending of them all, but next would def be outta my head.

(i don't want to count Recipe for Disaster since that's the same ending as the PD movie so... 😅)

8. Do you get hate on fics? i've been lucky to only get a little bit of screaming at me for it's a date, but not hate. they were all justifiably ASKLFAJLFASF at the plot twist, but it was all in good fun/still loved 🥰

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes!! my number 5 most liked fic is just PWP! and it's always been cute fluffy "real" smut so far, like the two being goofy with each other and super in love and shit lmao 10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? yeah! only the one though, my wip ST/SPN crossover fic You Will Never Walk Alone (You Can Always Reach Me); and to the previous question, my first smut was in chap 3 of this one and i am super proud of it still 😊

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? i really hope not???

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? not yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? nope!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? oh fuck...honestly? it's probably steddie. my OTP is destiel, like, they are the blueprint, they are the ones i have the most history with, but in complete honesty: in my head steddie is much more fluid/blorbo-y than destiel are. dean and cas are so fuckin' good in canon and kinda rare-er for me to find a good au with them that they still seem like themselves? if that makes sense?

with steddie, they are so moldable and fit into any spot you put them; i prefer canon adjacent but anything they do seems so correct, whereas dean and cas will always be a hunter and angel you know? that's how their story has been for so long, and all my fave fics of them are canon spn universe - a spell, a different timeline, a hunt, it's always them™

idk if that makes sense to anyone else, but maybe it's because destiel have been destiel for like 11 seasons and 15 years, and steddie have so little with only one season/summer that they are more moldable but... 🤷‍♀️

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? honestly, it's probably my hispanic!eddie au, but my casper!eddie has been falling off at an exponential rate and it's bumming me out tbh

16. What are your writing strengths? i think it's dialogue? i think that's the thing i've gotten the most comments about, the wit and snark of eddie and his internal voice, or just conversations in general. i like to think through how conversations will go in a fic first, like, how exactly they would realistically speak to each other or how an accent (wayne) would come through and how best to type it out so others can 'hear' it correctly 😊

17. What are your writing weaknesses? writing out action/feelings well. maybe it's cause i get super engrossed in what i'm writing and am looking at it too long, but a lot of the time it feels like i'm just writing "he did this 😐 and then he did this 😐 then said this."

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i do my best!!! like with the short drabble i did that started the hispanic!eddie au, i did best i could to translate the couple spanish phrases in it, but i don't speak spanish myself. my husband is hispanic and is fluent, but when i wrote that one i was much to embarrassed by why i would be asking him, that i didn't ask him to translate 😭

19. First fandom you wrote for? stranger things! the st/steddie fandom was so supportive with my secret admirer drabble that i made it my first full fic!!!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? my fave that i've written is my mixtape fic i'm outta my head over you. i wrote so much for it in such a short amount of time for steddie week but it really came together and was all me!

i do also LOVE how my version of a princess diaries rewrite came out, but the plot is just a copy of the movie and isn't really mine you know?

not sure who all has been tagged already, but here are some no pressure tags!!: @thisapplepielife, @azrielgreen, @its-steddie-time, @strawberryspence, @sayesayes, @undreaming-fanfiction, @greatunironic, @fairyfried

[velvethopewrites]

I was tagged by @katherinewilliams221b to answer the following Writing Questions - thank you! 🥰

Writer’s 20 Questions!

1) How many works do you have on A03?

13. However, I probably have closer to 30+ stories or so? A lot of my stuff disappeared from when I wrote the first time around, back in the early 2000s but I was pretty prolific, lol

2) What’s your total A03 word count?

1, 446,983

3) What fandoms do you write for?

I *did* write for Harry Potter, but I haven’t done that in more than a year. And unless JKR walks it back and apologizes for everything I probably won’t return anytime soon. Every time I even think of continuing to write HP I get physically ill to my stomach.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Moments to Come

Loving Is A Journey

Moving the Goalposts

In Essence: Undivided

17, Clumsy & Shy

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course!! Well, it depends on the comment, sometimes I have nothing to add, especially if the comment is short or just rude. I get/got a lot rude comments.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t really do angsty endings (happy ending girlie here all the way) but I suppose In Essence, because yay, some people lived! But pooh, some people died. 💁🏼‍♀️

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Moving the Goalposts, it ended with a 10,000+ worded smut chapter, lol

8) Do you get hate on fics?

I do, I did. And people were really mean about it too. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Whatever.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! I was once known as the Queen of Smut. What kind? I am not sure what that means… I mean, I think it was pretty hot. LOL But I have written both het and gay (and also threesomes).

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. In Chinese (which blows my mind) and Russian.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No! I always thought it would be cool to try, but I don’t know how that would even work - I am chaotic enough and insane enough by myself. Also even for a writer, I have extremely bad habits.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

It was Harry and Ginny, and a part of me still does love them, will always love them…but now it’s Dean & Cas.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Crossroads. And also Possession. Two different stories with two different vibes and I poured my heart into one and lost interest in the other. C’est la vie.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I do good dialogue. I do fairly well with plot. See the aforementioned smut title. I think I do okay with description but alway feel like I could do more. I do pretty well with humor.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m wordy. I do tend to go on a bit. I’m a perfectionist to the point where I worry about all of it far too much. I tend to think I suck and that no likes my writing, so why bother? I lack confidence in it. You know, the usual.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I like it. But I do tend to only try it with languages I actually know, like French. Make less mistakes that way.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

Crossroads. No one else liked it (lol) but I did!

I tag @late-to-the-fandom and whoever else wants to!

[ms-moonlight-inn]

15 Questions for 15 Mutuals

Tagged by the lovely @juliakayyy & @deathclassic & @surviving-maybe

Were you named after anyone?

No, in fact, they weren't prepared with a girl name for me.

When was the last time you cried?

Telling a story about a family friend this morning. Not a full cry, more like verklempt.

So you have kids?

One nine year old shithead.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I'm slowly weaning myself off.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their sense of humor.

What’s your eye color?

Brown 🤎

Scary movies or happy endings?

Both.

Any special talents?

Sarcasm, hypervigilance, cussing like a sailor, extreme empathy

Where were you born?

L.A., CA, USA

What are your hobbies?

Existential dread

Have any pets?

Emily Rose, the hampster

What sports do you play/have you played?

Sorry, this body does zero sports

How tall are you?

5' 5"

Favorite subject in school?

English

Dream job?

Lately, professional grifter is looking pretty good.

***

Looks like most people have already been tagged, so I'm tagging anyone else who wants to play, plus @notherenewjersey & @stillbeatingheart . As always, no pressure to play involved. 💕🥰

[hintsofhoney]

15 Questions

tagged by one of my favorite humans @doctorprofessorsong <3

1. Are you named after anyone? my grandma 🥰

2. When was the last time you cried? yesterday lol

3. Do you have kids? one currently growing in me belly

4. Do you use sarcasm? sarcasm? me? no. never.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about someone? I don’t know, probably their clothes,,, I tend not to focus on facial features lol

6. What’s your eye color? brown

7. Scary movies or happy endings? depends on my mood, I love both!!

8. Any special talents? I can bend my thumb all the way backwards to touch my wrist I guess

9. Where were you born? 🌽 but I grew up in 🤠

10. What are your hobbies? writing reading and watching tv

11. Do you have any pets? I have two corgis named cas and charlie and they are the loves of my life

12. What sports do you play/have you played? gymnastics for 10ish years, I miss it sm

13. How tall are you? 5’3”

14. Favorite subject in school? english was my best subject but the classes I most enjoyed very much depended on the teachers I had

15. Dream job? i’d love to be an author!

no pressure tags @makeadealwithdean @wayward-dreamer @writercole @winchest09 🫶🏼

[jwatrous-photojournalist]

. 📸 Copyright by Jesse Watrous. All Rights Reserved. Written Permission required prior to use. 📍Southern CA 📸 365 Photo Challenge 🎞️ DAY 15 • January 15, 2023 Working at a coffee shop during a chilly and rainy evening. ☔️ 📸•📸•📸 About 365 Photo Challenge The challenge is to post 1 photo every day for this year. I’ll probably be posting more than that, especially when I travel and get published. The premise of the challenge is to help individuals with their photography - whether if their skills need improving or just enjoying sharing their photos. I truly enjoy sharing my photography and honing my craft. I hope you find value with the photos that I present. My photos will be available for sale once I’ve figured out my online Gallery and Shop. Camera • @apple #iphone13promax Editing App 1 • @photoshop Editing App 2 • @adobeexpress Are you involved in the 365 Photo Challenge as well? Leave a comment with your IG handle and let’s start a community of following and supporting each other. Please be considerate and don’t do the “follow/unfollow” game. It’s disrespectful and unprofessional. If you find someone doing that, please send a DM and I will block them from my account. Thank You for following my channel and your support. 🥰 Sharing is Caring. 👍🏻 #JesseWatrous #PhotoJournalist #FemalePhotographer #Photographer #CelebrityPhotographer #StreetPhotographer #365photochallenge #365challenge #dailyphotos #365photo #365photoproject #365photos #photoeveryday #instaphoto #photodaily #photoofday #monochrome #monochromatic #monocrome #monochromaticphotography #monocromatic (at Southern California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cnd1xliOoc4/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[green-blue-heller]

not a spn fan or have ever watched the show but from the way i read the tags on tumblr sometimes & i’ve seen posts on blogs like wow imagine writing a show so poorly that your main actor hated the ending so much so that he and his wife asked u for the rights of said show & now he’s basically rewriting the show he starred in for 15 years from scratch to fix the mess you made lmao. as jensen said, the prequel is only the beginning of the ideas he has in his head for the spn universe and yet this might be just me tinhatting or reading too far into this but can you imagine all along it was just a cheeky ploy designed as a way to properly give a well deserved destiel ending because he too wanted to give them (and the fans) the justice they rightfully deserved but he has to be smart about doing it the RIGHT way like that bastard ain’t slick & i bet his misha (that’s his husband too right???) was in on it too like wow wow wo-

Ok. I love everything about this, nonnie.

And I’m glad our chaos storm is feeding you. 😉

But yeah, he told them he didn’t like the ending they had planned, told him “take it or leave it” which he knew he didn’t really have the “leave it” option.

So after Jackles’ 12 year long con of pretending to be against Destiel, he suddenly was all about Destiel in 2019.

I mean, this is the man who had a crew member film Cas’ (Misha) confession scene on his phone so he’d have it to watch at later and remember it as it was with no music or effects. Because he wanted to be able to look back, as Jensen, and remember how it happened in real life and in character life. 🥺🥰

Then his tweet about the article that was anti John Winchester (the father) saying basically“canon? We got you.” He’s the #1 Dean kin. He’s said multiple times he doesn’t always know where Dean ends and Jensen begins. That he is Dean Winchester. And he knows he’s rebelled against how shitty a father John was. In the finale, he even called him John and not “dad.” (Or was that just a draft that they filmed but then changed it to dad? I forget. Too much happens lol.)

Anyway. Yeah. He’ll do whatever he can to make out with Misha on camera. (Who, I love you think is his husband. I need to know is that just from written posts or because you’ve seen the heart eyes Jackles gives Misha?? So, technically and legally he is not his hubby lol. Though close enough… haha. In my tinhatty mind. They aren’t officially a couple. But I mean… come on…)

Husbands? Yeah. Yeah, they are.

God… I wish my hubby looked at me like Jensen looks at Misha. Seriously.

[kira-quartz]

My Sims Yu-Niverse: Yugi

Next: Joey and Serenity

(Not sorry for the pun. There’s more where that came from! 😈)

Okay, so! I’ve Simmified so many Yu-Gi-Oh characters it’d be easier to list who I haven’t, but I’m going to start with Yugi just because he seems like the obvious choice to me. :D

A couple of notes:

For the sake of consistency, I measure my Sims’ ages in years. They age one year every four seasons, and in my main save, that means 112 days. It’s both convenient (I have so many households, and this is before some cornflakes move out 😬) and just as annoying as it sounds, XD.

Right now, about two years have passed since DSOD, so I’m calling it 2001 even though the technology doesn’t match. This means Yugi and his friends are 20 (Duke has just had his 20th birthday, Tristan’s 21st is a couple of weeks away), Serenity is 18 (I headcanon that her birthday is in November) and Mokuba is 15.

Since this is post-canon, I used his DSOD design as a reference for his face. I have a younger version of him that looks more like his DM design, in case I start a new save that begins mid-canon:

He’s so smol I couldn’t get his whole face on the screen when I zoomed in on it. 🥰

Oh, and I’m pretty sure about 75% of all TS4 Yu-Gi-Oh Simmers use this hair for Yugi. There aren’t exactly a lot of options, XD. I know a couple of cornflakes have actually made CC Yugi hair, but I downloaded one once and the textures just didn’t really fit with the EA ones, so I took it out. That mesh must’ve been a challenge, though!

Yugi’s studying computer science at Foxbury, where he lives in student housing with Duke. As for ships... I was going to go with Peach like I did in my original save, but now that Atem’s inexplicably popped back into existence, who knows? *coughEncourageshippingcough* 

His aspiration is The Curator (which I don’t think really fits, but I don’t know what does- we need more Nerd Stuff, EA!) and his traits are Cheerful, Geek, Good and Self-Assured. (I’m using thepancake1′s More Traits in CAS mod- by the time he’s 25 or so, I’ll probably have abandoned this save and started a new one TS5 will probably be out he’ll have his 5th trait.)