#2. the subway is so much better than the bus system

[gatheryepens]

Things I’ve learnt whilst being in nyc

[fakescenariosbeforesleepblog]

Suspicious.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x Reader.

Gaz and you were friends during your childhood and teenage years, such a surprise when you find him out of the building where you're working.

PT2

Warning: spelling and grammatical errors, maybe is not good enough but I had the idea stuck in my head.

You were late, just at the worst time your car decided to not work, the bus was late too, the subway was having electric problems, you were running through the town, you changed your clothes in a public bathroom close to the building where you will be working.

You're wearing black, you have a gun and pocket knives, some tissues and more, just in case something goes wrong, suddenly, someone collided with you.

- Fuck! Look where you're going asshole!

You started to pick your notebooks, laptop, ipad, cellphone and all the stuff you had on your hands without looking at the stranger who decided to make your day more difficult.

- Y/N?

That voice...

You looked up, is he...? No, there's no way but... Those brown eyes, that black hair, that smile... He kneeled down to help you without leaving eye contact, you're still shocked, you could expect anyone else but him.

- Garrick? Kyle Garrick?

- Yeah! The legend.

You laughed, both stood up and he handed you all the rest of your things.

- Oh my god! Years without seeing or knowing something about you man!

- I Know, I was going to say the same!

- Look at you! Oh lord! You look amazing, you look pretty much better than I remember.

- I always was attractive, I'm just like the Wine, Y/n

- ha-ha! If you say so!

- Where you were going?

You realized you were going somewhere and you were going late.

- holy shit! I have to... Oh... I actually... This is where I was going.

You pointed at the building in front of you, Kyle looked at you and then the building.

- Do you work here?

- Ah... Yeah! I... I do, home office but today they asked me to come, it's an emergency or something.

- What's your job here Y/n?

- oh, you know, I always was a nerd, computers, operative system, security and technologies.

- oh right! I remember my grades at the end of school were magically fixed, thanks to you!

- Yes, my first time hacking something, the system at school, was really funny!

You were so happy to see Kyle, you and him were good friends when you were young, you remember the afternoons after school wasting time at the park, or the lake, parties with your brother's friends, Kyle and you always causing troubles, always side by side, life was good.

- What about you Garrick, I lost your steps after our last summer...

- I joined the army. I shouldn't say it loud but I'm working right now actually

- Ohh, well...You always loved the adrenaline...

- I know, it made me well, I'm working all the time and sometimes I want to take a break but... I love my job, I can't complain.

-Same, ahhh I... I still remember that last summer, you know?

You're not lying, you remember every moment of that last summer, you remember the last time you saw him, things stayed in the air, you wanted to talk about what happened But welcome back to reality, your smartwatch alarm remembered that you needed to run.

- Fuck, fuck... Sorry, Kyle has been a nice moment and I would love to keep talking but I have to go, ok? I'll see you... Around I hope!

- For sure...

You didn't give him time to finish, you ran to the building, nobody paid attention to you, no one noticed the cameras stopped to work, and no one asked you to show your credentials. You took the elevator to the penultimate floor. As soon as you arrived you walked directly to the first door, "Security systems", as you supposed, there's a numeric keypad block.

Easy, you already have that information, you hacked a part of the system. «5-8-9-6-2-7» «access granted».

You took a seat and started to work, all the information from this company was now in your hands inside an external hard drive. You made a call.

- Sir, I have the information you requested, send the money and my transport.

- Well done darling, the transport is on the way. Go to the building's roof, you will find a parachute, use it... Oh! And don't forget to do the other thing, a car will be waiting for you near to the park.

You've been doing this for years, you're a hacker, working in a private company "les hiboux" (the owls). You don't care about the information You're taking, you only care about the payment.

You never had troubles, but, as today you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, troubles were on the way.

Kyle was actually saying the truth, he was working, him and the boys were trying to find the person who had been hacking and selling important information, he was still waiting for someone suspicious.

- Gaz. Who was that?

- Just an old friend Soap. Focus.

- Well, your friend works in that building, casually works with the security...

- I know, I heard it too Ghost.

-And Is the only one who got inside since we arrived.

- Yes, so what?

- Gaz... What if your friend is the person we're trying to capture?

The Captain's question woke Up Kyle's curiosity, he started to repeat inside his head every second of the conversation, you weren't wearing clothes for a job In a company like that, you brought a lot of things with you, every pocket in your clothes looked suspiciously full of stuff, you didn't know where exactly the building was located, you weren't specific about your job in the place. Everything was suspicious.

Kyle finally realized, you're definitely suspicious, he ran inside the building.

- Kyle! Wait!

- Cap, you're right, we have to capture now!

Each one started to work on his part of the plan, Kyle was on the elevator, when he arrived at the floor he only saw you coming out of the room, you had a bottle on your hand, he knew perfectly what it was, a Molotov.

- Y/N Put that thing down, now!

You looked at him, panicked, you really weren't expecting Kyle pointing at you with a gun. You threw the Molotov away, specifically to the security room and ran, Kyle was running behind you.

- Captain, evacuate everybody! There's fire!

- Copy! Soap, come with me, Ghost do you have visibility?

- on the way!

- Good visibility, the target it's running to the roof, I request permission to shoot.

- Do it if it's necessary, Gaz, go for the target, we don't want to hurt or kill it!

- Copy!

You ran and opened the door, you locked it with the first object you saw close to you, and as your boss promised, a parachute was waiting for you, you were putting it on you when you heard someone trying to open the door, you were distracted looking at the door when a Bullet passed close enough to your cheek, cutting you.

«Y/N! Open the fuckin' door, they will shoot you, I can protect you, open it, let's talk about this! For the old times!»

- I'm so sorry Kyle, this is my Job and is more important than what happened in the past.

Bullets were running in every direction, they didn't want to hurt you, but you know if you stay and don't complete the task, you will be dead before the sunset.

«Y/N! Please! We can fix this! Do it, for that last summer kiss!»

You were now ready to jump... Kyle opened the door, now he's in front of you, you stopped, for a second that memory of your kiss popped up, a thousand of "what if" invaded you, you considered to stay, two other men appeared behind Kyle. No, you will not lose your head just for an old summer love, the sirens of the fire truck, alarms, and the ringtone of your phone brought you back.

- Bye, Kyle Garrick.

You simply jumped, Kyle ran trying to catch you, but the only thing he did, was see your parachute opening and taking you away. Price and Soap appeared at his side, now all of them are watching you landing not so far, you're running trying to lose yourself in the traffic.

- won't go further, let's go guys!

Kyle didn't even know how he went back to the streets, one second he was on the roof and the next one he was running on the streets looking for you, the world was spinning faster, how could you? Kyle was feeling sick, his friend from childhood and teenage years was now a criminal, his first love, was now escaping from him.

[elaine-abroad]

Volume 3 Part 2

The first thing I noticed on the island was that it was very green and had a LOT of trees. There were trees everywhere and even stood on either side of the main walkway.

We mostly walked around and visited small galleries/stores. I took a few pictures of the different plant life too.

The fee for this trip made us question what they were using it on, but after seeing the bus, zipline, and lunch provided it made more sense. We went to a restaurant in the park and had Korean bbq.

Afterwards we spotted a sky bike ride. There were actually a lot of ways to get around and view the park such as normal bikes, double seater bikes, three wheeled segways, some sort of bike/cart/tractor that sat like four people, and our sky bike. It didn’t get us around, but we were able to have a leisurely ride above ground.

There were also some interesting animals that lived on the island. We got to see a handful of ostriches in an enclosure. They were huge. There were also a lot of peacocks that didn’t seem afraid of people. And then there was the occasional bunny rabbit that the little kids tried to pet and feed.

Much like the Hangang River, there were a bunch of watersports parks along the stream. We were able to watch people hold onto inflatables as motorboats pulled them across the water. It looked like a whole lot of fun.

It wasn’t long before we had to catch the boat back to the mainland, but of course we had to grab some ice cream. I don’t usually touch strawberry ice cream, but it tasted like these strawberry yogurt bars my mom used to search far and wide for at Costco. I liked it a lot.

Later that night, I made history with myself. After heavy begging from Grace, she convinced Bianca and I to go to a club with her. I’ve never partied at frats or anything like that, so I was a little hesitant but I will not lie – I was a little curious. I also managed to drink a bottle of grapefruit flavored soju (it was miles better than the standard version) as well as some of Bianca’s Rum and Coke. I like Coke so it just tasted like the worst Coke ever. It wasn’t horrible though. I also was very surprised as I didn’t feel anything. I’m wondering if the alcohol percentage just wasn’t high or I inherited it. 

We ended up staying for a very long time, to the point where we had a bit over an hour before the subway system would be up and running again. No one wanted to wait that long so we ended up walking back. Thankfully, we were in Hongdae which is only two stops from Ewha. We still weren’t very happy when we had to walk from the gate next to our dorm to the front gate because it was locked in the early hours of the morning.

Both Bianca and I couldn’t sleep for very long and woke before noon. On our way to a porridge restaurant, we were stopped by a Vietnamese noodle soup restaurant and headed there instead. I was very pleased to have pho, but I definitely think the broth and the overall taste is better back at home.

We stopped by Mega Coffee and each picked up a frappe. I was very happy to have tried this place out because my mint frappe literally tasted like I was drinking mint chocolate chip ice cream, my favorite flavor. I get a mint chocolate chip ice cream cake every year for my birthday so it was nice. 

And lastly, the best part of the day: dinner. Bianca, Zoe, and I went to this Korean stew restaurant and thoroughly enjoyed everything. It was set up so that we had to get our own rice and sides so we could control how much we got. It was genuinely very good and I want to go back.

It’s weird to think that half of my trip is already over, especially since it feels like time is going by both slowly and fast. I’m sure it’s going to be bittersweet as the end nears, but I haven’t really been thinking about that. 

Anyways, come back next week where you get to see and hear about my horrible midterm painting. 

Bye bye

-Elaine

[mbtasigh]

10/23/23 8:30 PM

Arrive at South Station just in time to catch the 8:35 to Lansdowne, two stops taking 12 minutes. Wait, they changed the schedule. The 8:35 is now a 9:00. Not worth waiting around for that.

Red Line isn't worth waiting around for, either. Departure boards in South Station Under have been grim as hell for a long time now. And even if a train does happen to arrive, who knows how long it will take to get two stops to Park Street, or what misadventures or waylaying could take place along the way.

So it's a half-mile walk up Essex Street to Boylston. Rat #1 stands impassively in the headhouse doorway until a sustained clapping of hands sends it scurrying down to the dead space to the left of the stairs, right where accessibility improvements would seem obviously plausible if not for the facts of historical preservation that adhere vaguely to this 1897 station, one of the original two in the system. Rat #2 strikes a similar posture of impassiveness halfway down the stairs and eventually darts to the right, to an area of the platform nominally open to riders but separated from the rest of the station in such a way that train operators might decide to declare it off-limits and to scold riders who stand there.

B train to Boston College arrives right at 8:40, making the switch from the Commuter Rail seem like a wise choice. Trip through the Central Subway is uneventful. At Kenmore the other track's arrival board displays a Cleveland Circle train one minute away. To switch or not to switch? Seems to be moving fine, and the B is faster than it used to be since they eliminated two surface stops west of the BU Bridge.

Sticking it out, along with lots of new passengers at Kenmore. The train surfaces at Blandford Street and takes on still more passengers. Near full now, at least for an ostensibly non-rush hour train. It's 8:57, so the Landsdowne train has been soundly defeated. But then come the two slowest blocks of this stretch of surface running, between Blandford and BU East. If BU is buying all of the streets around here, can't they also cut down on the ROW crossings and stoplights? The answer is no: the train is only "for" BU to a point.

BU East. *ding* "May I have your attention please. This train will be running express to Harvard Street. No stops in between BU East and Harvard Street, this train will be running express, doors will be closing." At this last sentence, nobody who needs to get off the train has been able to do so successfully. Nor has anyone really gotten on, because the people on the platform are trying to make sense of the announcement before boarding. A crowd at the top of the stairs stares at a crowd down below, and then the two crowds try to pass through each other while the operator repeats the announcement a second time, this time also saying what operators in this situation always say: "There is another train directly behind us making all local stops." The next train on a track should always be directly behind the one in front of it, but this is the MBTA, so it could be at least a few millimeters out of alignment and it would take years to find out.

Most of the boarding/alighting shuffling is done now, and a third time: "Once again, this train will run express to Harvard. Doors are closing." And this time they do. Train departs, local passengers wait in the October chill until the next one arrives from the stop behind. Directly behind, as advertised.

Takes at least three minutes to re-load this second train, though, thanks in large part to the guy with a huge shoulder bag who insists on standing (1) directly in front of the main passage behind the operator, blocking everyone's way to the rear of the train, and (2) directly in front of an empty seat, which now nobody can use. The college kids learning how to use the train for the first time are common practitioners of this offense, not so much for people old enough to know better, but hey, it's never too late in life to be clueless. He stands right in front of this empty seat and right behind the operator until Amory Street, then hunkers off into the night. Arrival at Babcock Street at 9:15 pm, with the expressed train ahead still in sight as it turns the corner into Allston.

[planningpals]

What types of regional and local transport(s) does Cincinnati need more in the future? 2/15/23

     

Many people think Cincinnati has so much unused potential and has been failed many times with poor follow-through (the streetcar and subway). The city and planners within have tried to make great plans, but they've never worked out the way it was expected. I think the streetcar should be expanded instead of just running on a 3.6 mile loop through OTR and downtown. Those places are already pretty walkable and close to each other. If the streetcar was expanded to uptown and other municipalities of the Greater Cincinnati area, ridership would dramatically increase because it would serve a larger demographic and more people that need it.

Another form of transportation that would benefit Greater Cincinnati would possibly be a monorail that starts at the CVG airport. One unique thing about Cincinnati is that its metropolitan area serves Indiana, Ohio, and Kentucky. A monorail would be a good idea because they require minimal space and run on one track. Monorails have one of the lowest maintenance and operating costs out of any type of mass form of public transportation. It's  a fast convenient use of travel that could have drop off points around the dense metropolitan areas and if planned properly could happen in the future. There are downsides to this plan but it's something that could work and it's even been pitched before. Cincinnati is in need of a better public transportation system overall. Whether it be a monorail, subway, rapid bus transit or any other type of transit, it should be properly planned and serve more than 2 neighborhoods out of the approximate 80 neighborhoods that surround it. They've started with things like the bus, metro, and streetcar. However, public transport needs to be thought of on a bigger scale than it has in the past.

Another valid form of useful transportation for Cincinnati would be a Subway. The previous subway project in Cincinnati failed in 1948 subsequent to a study ‘derailing’ its cost-effectiveness. It is important to note however, the advance in construction technology, as well as some of the pre-routed tunnels underneath the city, may lay the path for a new Subway in Cincinnati. Some of the reasons it would benefit the citizens include: Less Automotive reliance as well as space taken up for parking, lower cost of travel, decreased air pollution, as well as ease of access to different points in the city.

Downtown’s confusing highway exits and crammed parking all over could be decreased as a result of the subway, allowing those who drive vehicles more ease of parking as well as the need for vehicles overall decreases. I think this would also benefit the social interaction among people downtown; the subway would create a social environment and would promote more walkability on streets due to the decreased vehicular transit. Not only that, but it creates the possibility of being able to connect the subway under the river running from Newport to Covington and back, reducing traffic further. The pros from an improved Subway may benefit the general economy and public more so than Bus Rapid Transit, and The streetcar system as well, which is important to keep in mind when considering the future of Cincinnati.

Discussion Question: What is more important to consider relating to transportation with the future of our city in mind? Cost effectiveness, or the benefits of the system on the surrounding environment.

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Lovebug (9/12)

Summary:  

“It might be a bug.”

“A bug?”

“Sometimes the developers of this application make mistakes. This is our first time meeting I’m sure so…Isn’t it a bit weird that we just met for the first time and it rings like this? And for two strangers to coincidentally ring each other’s alarms?“

Levi is the developer of the Love Alarm App and Hange is married to Zeke.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Notes: Sorry for taking my sweet time posting this. We had no wifi for a while, transpo issue and I was dead asleep as soon as I got home two nights in a row lmfao. 

Anyway, feedback is very much appreciated :D

Levi might have felt a little guilty about letting loose just that evening but his conservative mind was finding all the ways to justify it.

Maybe the justifications held some weight. After all, taking the midnight train out of the city wasn’t the strangest thing to do. Hange and Levi weren’t the only ones at the ticket gate then they weren’t the only ones waiting on the platform. On the train, Levi could count the number of empty seats more easily than the occupied ones.

He started to relax as soon as he settled on one of the seats. He convinced himself that in the end, he had been overreacting. There was nothing at all odd with rushing to her home then to his, packing two overnight bags and buying two last minute tickets to the northernmost station of their country.

To Pemberley. Levi didn’t have the time to load the book into his reader again. He instead downloaded the pdf file to his phone.

He had willed himself to make sense of the black on the bright white screen before deciding, it was too late at night to read. Instead he propped his elbows on the windowsill and leaned his chin on his hand. He snuck a glance at Hange who sat in front of him, leaning on the window in that same way.

A long day behind them, they were both exhausted. On the bright side, if Levi closed his eyes and let the train rock to whatever rhythm it was most comfortable with, he was sure that in a split second, they would have arrived at their destination.

Sleep could have lasted less than a second. Next thing Levi knew, he was fighting to open his eyes. The sun rose without warning, the only thing between them just an empty glass that did nothing to protect him from the first rays of morning.

Levi quickly adjusted his view, making sure he wasn’t directly staring at the sky like a while ago. He craned his head back, instead focusing on the rolling hills and the countryside.

It wasn’t the British countryside in the book. It didn’t seem at all like a Pemberley or a Rosings Park or Longbourn. Still, he delved into the passing green and foraged for whatever similarities his sleep muddled mind could come up with.

One thing Levi dared to note, despite his limited experience traveling, the view from an interregional highway, or an interregional train, the rolling hills that passed by, the clusters of trees that varied in density and the plains that dotted the view were all the same regardless of location. Despite the variety nature could offer, nature still had unifying characteristics. While at the same time, nature was distinct from everything non-nature.

And when it wasn’t unwillingly tamed, paved over, forced to coexist with concrete, buildings and humans, it was a sight to behold.

It was enough to take his breath away, enough to make him almost regretful that the train was moving too fast for him to stare for just a second longer at a changing landscape or canopies that blurred amongst one another.

Eventually, regret at not appreciating nature had him exhausted. He turned in front of him to see Hange’s eyes were fixed at whatever passing objects caught her eye outside the window. Her head bobbed, her eyes darted from left to right and her mouth was half open and she didn’t seem at all in a hurry to close them.

“I’m sure this isn’t your first time seeing this much nature,” Levi said, a humble start to light conversation.

Hange seemed comfortable going along with it. “It isn’t. We had the country club,” she said. There was a nonchalant look on her face as if she saw the ‘country club’ as more of a consolation.

Levi couldn’t help but agree. Golf courses were all green, the mini forests that lined the paths from the golf courses, to the beaches to the summer houses were all nature. Yet they were of a type of nature, trained not to bite any unsuspecting visitors.

When Levi leaned back on his chair, turning his head out of the window, he appreciated the raw green for a second longer. Then he concluded, there was novelty in seeing nature at its most candid form.

Hange spoke up. “You know, I haven’t been able to leave the city since we left the country club. And not traveling in months... This feels new.”

“But you’ve travelled before,” Levi responded.

“Of course I have,” Hange said. “Zeke would always take me out to the best gardens, the best parks, the best hiking trails… He knows I like nature.”

“So he took you to ‘Pemberley?’ Then to ‘Rosing Park then Longborn?” Most were likely fictional places but at that point, Hange may have had her own idea of what fictional was.

“No, not to my Pemberley,” Hange said, like it was the most unimportant thing in the world. “Never.”

“So this was supposed to be your first time going together?” Levi asked. He noted that they never did get to sit down and map the route to Hange’s dream destinations. Hell, he didn’t even know where they were.

He opened his phone, then the map of the northernmost region.

The capital of the northern region had city buses, a small subway system, nothing like what they had back home. Levi traced the blue and the green, pondering for himself which had the most rolling hills, the most ‘gardens.’ Obviously, over a very zoomed out map and a few hundred mile radius, it would be difficult to tell so he consulted Hange. “We could take an unlimited bus ticket… or a two day all you can ride train---”

“No. We rent a car,” Hange said.

“Wait, but if we don’t know the land--.” There were too many excuses he could have brought up. The excuse he was most hesitant to even fathom seemed most pressing then. Levi didn’t know how to drive.

Hange probably saw through it. “I’ll drive.” The cheeky grin on her face was enough of a hint, she was more than ready for adventure.

Levi closed the maps application and pocketed his phone. “So I’m assuming you’ll be doing the navigation.”

Hange only nodded, her smug smile getting wider by the second.

***

Hange surprisingly knew how to navigate the complexities of building an itinerary. What the hell she was doing, how the hell she was doing it and what the hell her plan was, Levi couldn’t be too sure.

Thirty minutes into arriving at the regional train station, they had rented a car and secured a pocket wifi. Thirty five minutes into it, Hange was pulling out of the station in a rented sedan.

The train station was situated in the middle of the city and in the car, Levi had to subdue the panic which came with going out of the city then seeing the scenery slowly shift from five story buildings to two story houses then finally to the peaceful green offered by the city outskirts. He wondered why they had even taken a train station to town if they were going back into countryside landscapes anyway.

“Do you know where we’re going?” Levi asked. Levi knew that Hange had been there once before. Just the idea that someone could actually easily navigate expressways and exits without a phone on the dock and a guide seemed almost unnerving.

“Ish,” Hange said, her eyes fixed straight ahead.

“We have wifi, we could use a maps application to navigate?” Levi never drove, he wouldn’t know but, it couldn’t hurt to be just a little more careful.

“Maybe later. I’ve been here more than enough times,” Hange said. They rode in silence for a minute or so more before she turned to him. “We’re gonna be on the road for a while and driving on the freeway gets boring.”

Levi glanced up at her questioningly.

Hange caught his eye “Tell me a story.”

“About what?”

“How was your date with Petra?” The question came out of nowhere and Hange had said it too casually and too abruptly and that had Levi choking on his own saliva.

He recovered quickly, clearing his throat. “Excuse me?”

“Your date with Petra? Didn’t you tell me you would be going on one?”

“I did,” Levi admitted. “Because you asked me to,” he added, a second later.

“I suggested it.” Hange clarified. “And how did it feel?”

“Good.” His response was automatic.

One hand on the steering wheel, Hange pulled her phone from her lap, unlocked it and turned on her modified emotions alarm. “Turn yours on.”

Levi only saw one reason why she’d do all that. “Why? You don’t trust me?”

“Well, you went through all the trouble of making the gift right? Let’s make use of it.”

Levi could have fought. He only needed five seconds to see reason in her order. Besides, if she turned hers on, it would turn out to be a fair trade. He turned on his phone scrolled through the home screens and opened the application.

“So how did it feel?” Hange asked. She set her phone on the stand and hovered one finger over the activate button.

“It felt good,” Levi willed himself to say it with the same conviction as a second ago, firm and straightforward but just a little shaky underneath.

Still too shaky to deceive his own application. A yellow spot just under the words ‘happy’ would have been nice. After all, ‘good’ was a word that generally implied that something was good, something made me happy. The alarm flashed with green and Levi had half the mind to fling his phone over the backseat of the car.

“Happy sad? Or sad happy?” Hange asked, there was a laugh in her voice.

Was she mocking me? It felt like a much better argument to quote her, mock her maybe. He glared at her. You told me love is a choice right? By some allusion, Levi attempted to put it all together. “I’m making the choice to say it was a good and productive date. We tried to pick out a good present for you.”

“And in the end, you decided to make an application,” Hange said. “Did Petra suggest anything?”

“Tea, a wallet, a pencil case…”

“I would have enjoyed those,” Hange said.

“It didn’t seem like that to me,” Levi admitted. He studied her features as he spoke.

Hange’s face was unchanging, her eyes still looking straight ahead. Levi was almost amazed she managed to keep some of her focus in conversation. Hange turned the car, swerving towards one exit.

Levi winced at the white that flashed in front of him for a split second. “How do you feel?” He asked.

“About what?”

“About the date?” He answered. Levi gave Hange a good once over, ending with her hand on the clutch. Her hand wasn’t shaking, but she held it like she was going to pull it out of its place any second now.

Hange paused. She had hovered her hand over the alarm but she never did activate it.

Levi subtly turned towards the phone then back at her. “Happy?” At that point, maybe a mischievous side of him had taken over. He wanted to provoke her.

Hange poked the active button on her phone, much harder than necessary, hard enough for Levi to wonder if it had reduced the phone’s lifespan by even just a year or so.

Her phone flashed once again with a purple dot.

Levi noticed her eyes widen for a second then a flash of pink flowered on her cheeks before she looked away. “Angry sad or sad angry?” He asked, deliberately mimicking Hange’s old tone of a while ago. It came out more of a growl than whatever naturally sing songy voice Hange managed everyday. Either way it had been a satisfying set of motions.

“Angry sad… Or maybe sad angry?” Hange murmured. Then she hummed for a second longer, the car slowed down with it and she turned back to him. “I feel...purple,” she said.

Purple isn’t a feeling. Levi glanced accusingly at her. Hange though wasn’t looking back at him. If she saw anything through her peripherals, she didn’t make it obvious.

With her own series of gestures, Hange had given one message. She didn’t want to be bothered.

Yet, she had asked him about Petra for a reason.

Levi couldn’t tell how much he saw was a trick of the light or a clear hint. Hange’s jaw had tightened, her eyes narrowed ahead. She didn’t talk much after the word ‘purple’ that softened to a whisper mid word.

For the first time, she wasn’t being completely transparent

Levi then felt less obligated to open up. “If you’re feeling purple, then I’m feeling green,” he said.

They didn’t talk for a while after that.

The car exited the main road to a road half its size. Although the car always rattled, it was particularly more obvious then and as Levi looked out the window and back at her, he realized that maybe it was because she was slowing down.

Slowing down, or maybe vacillating the best course of action.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine. Just trying to remember the way around here,” Hange said. She looked behind her, then forward again.

“What are we doing here?”

“I’m gonna use this birthday weekend of mine to take a trip down memory lane, reflect on stuff.”

“If that’s how you want to celebrate your birthday…” Levi checked his phone once more before pocketing it.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Hange said, her tone more serious. “Going on these types of treks, they really help. More than you probably think they do.”

Levi could at least try to understand it, if he just focused on how far apart the houses were, the notable manicured green of his surroundings and every single tree, flower, root and bush that just seemed to have a place. All acting prim and proper as if they were doing the gardens a favor.

There must be some appeal at least. “It’s quiet,” Levi noted as the car slowed to a stop to the side of the road.

“Most of the houses here aren’t occupied,” Hange answered. “Who actually wants to live in the middle of nowhere all year round.”

Levi turned around once, scanning his surroundings for a second longer. The houses were too far apart, he counted five just by doing a 360 but he knew if he squinted and took in the other shapes far past the downhill slope he could count more. “From the looks of the houses here, rich people,” Levi said.

“During the summer maybe or during the winter vacation. Every other time of the year most people will stay out in the city so they’re nearer to work,” Hange said. “Zeke owns this house.” She didn't have to point far, Hange only had to casually brush her thumb over to her side for Levi to follow her gaze.

Of course Zeke would own one. When Levi looked behind him again, then looked to the far left and the far right, he had to admit Zeke had one of the grandest ones, a wide two story mansion situated at the top of a hill.

“This is my Rosings Park,” Hange said. She walked towards the small pedestrian gate, pulled a key from her pocket and with a quick flick of movements--- as if she had done it so many times before--- she unlocked then pushed the metal gate open with a creak.

The view behind the black bars was only more beautiful. They climbed the hill and slowly but surely, Levi was getting a much better view of the house on top. He noted that the house gleamed with a type of beauty that could take one’s breath away. He had been a little self conscious though and he found himself willing his mouth shut, letting his breaths come out with a more rehearsed rhythm.

“Did you ever continue the book?” Hange asked, her eyes fixed ahead.

It was easy to tell which book she had been talking about. “Since you spoiled me? No,” he admitted.

“Then I don’t think you’ve read far enough into the book if you still think Elizabeth ended up with Mr. Wickham,” Hange said. “You probably won’t appreciate Rosings park then.”

“You still remember…” Levi could have sworn it had been months since he told her about the book.

“The book means a lot to me,” Hange said. Her words were a bit more careful that time, but she was starting to climb the hill, a little faster as if whatever scenes were running through her head then had injected in her, enough energy for adventure.

Levi brushed away a rush of guilt and he followed behind her. “Go spoil,” he said. I’m sorry about being angry. He didn’t say those last two words, awe, exhaustion or maybe a combination of both had him opting to stay quiet. Maybe he chose to reflect and as he followed behind, he started to wonder why he had been angry about her spoiling in the first place.

Hange seemed surprisingly eager to spoil him. The first words out of her mouth came out unimpeded. “Rosings Park is where Mr. Darcy first proposed to Elizabeth.”

First proposed. “So she rejected him?” Levi asked.

Hange turned back to him and nodded, a strange smile on her face. “And why do you think Elizabeth would reject Mr. Darcy?”

“He was an asshole right?”

“According to Elizabeth that is…” Hange looked at him expectantly but Levi for the life of him couldn’t tell what she wanted. She didn’t give him time to answer. She ran straight ahead towards the side of the house.

Levi was left with no choice but to follow. After all, the grounds were much larger than Levi had expected. From his view at the bottom of the hill, the house had seemed small, only composed of the front porch. As Hange went behind the house, disappearing in the corner, Levi started to suspect that the summer house was larger.

Consequently, Levi was occupying himself over the wealth of Zeke.

Again. The view didn’t do anything to help. The corner opened up to manicured gardens, clean cut hedges and flowers that could have been arranged by some invisible hand. Or maybe they were arranged artificially. It probably wasn’t beyond Zeke and his money to find ways to grow flowers so they were evenly spaced, further accentuating the fiery orange and bright red on the simple green.

Hange followed the stone path that lined the large house, slowly balancing on the pebbled line that cut between the cobbled stone path like it was a tightrope. She had the balance, maybe the eagerness to look straight ahead, and Levi couldn't really follow her gaze or be certain of where she was staring.

She didn’t look particularly entranced at anything as if she had seen it so many times before.

“This is one of Jaeger summer houses,” Hange said. She stopped by the fork of the path, one side circled the house, the other went straight into the garden. “He has others all over the country, others abroad. Too many to count and I don’t even think I’ve been to all of them.”

“Okay.” Levi had felt pressured to say something. As the awkward silence dragged on, Levi realized that might have not been the best thing to say.

What else was there to say though?

Wow the garden is so nice. It seemed like an appropriate thing to say but it didn’t feel like something he would have liked to admit to Hange.

Wow your husband is so rich. What else would that do but reiterate what Levi already knew?

Wow, I wish I was your husband. That last one felt like a mind fart. Something that had seemed natural to think but as Levi pondered it for a second longer, he realized just thinking that exact phrase seemed all the more inappropriate.

“Does it seem artificial?” Hange asked.

“Yes, it does.” That answer came out easier definitely, especially when it wasn’t a begrudging compliment. Especially when in the back of his mind, he could remind himself, those weren’t his words, those were Hange’s.

Hange continued to indulge him. “Gaudy?”

“Very tacky, incredibly tacky.” Maybe those words had seemed more for him than for anyone else. A hint of guilt settled at his chest but then he remembered, the Jaeger family had more than enough money. He could spare a few unkind words. He looked at Hange, trying his best, to keep his eyes away from the garden in front of him, before he started to doubt the reliability of his own words.

Despite the ‘gaudiness,’ Hange walked ahead, following the stony path and Levi followed behind. Beyond the shiny manicured hedges were benches, a gazebo and Hange sat one of the ones closest to the top, just before the steep incline fell. It was a good vantage point for a comprehensive view of the garden.

At the highest point, the green expanded in all directions. He could pick out how the sun kissed the lawn, the trees and how they shone with something seemingly unnatural. The more Levi stared, the more easily it became to pick out what gaudiness Hange had been talking about.

With his eyes looking out for the right glimmers, he soon figured for himself, they shone like plastic. It soon became apparent to Levi, there was something artificial and tacky about manicured lawns, well trimmed hedges and carefully positioned flowers. The guilt assuaged and Levi felt all the more confident to look back at Hange. “Why do you like it here then?”

“It’s still Rosings park to me,” Hange said matter-of-factly.

“And what’s so special about Mr. Darcy’s first proposal?”

“Read the book,” Hange said as if that were the easiest thing to do then.

The book was loaded into his phone. It was just a few clicks away, reading was an entirely different process and Levi found it tempting to overlook that order---or that friendly suggestion altogether.

“Just spoil me. You spoiled me already before,” Levi said.

“Mr. Darcy first proposed here.”

You said that already. “And? What’s so special about that?”

Hange didn't reply to him immediately. For a long few seconds, she stared at nothing in particular then turned to him, a defiant look on her face. “You know, you remind me of Mister Darcy.” A backhanded insult maybe, enough to have Levi looking away as blood rushed to his face.

Anger, it was definitely anger. “How do I remind you of Mister Darcy?” Levi challenged.

“Read---”

“Don’t.” Levi looked away.. “Tell me to read the book.”

“And there you are again.” Hange waved one hand at him, as if making a point.

A point Levi could only grip weakly. “You think I’m an asshole?” One realization dawned on him, maybe he had been pressing a little too much at her points.

“Not an asshole. A well intentioned man with a very abrasive manner of speaking.”

“Abrasive?” Levi asked. When he realized he put a little too much lip into the ‘br’ and too much throat into that last last syllable that Hange might have just been right, but only just. “What makes you think I’m abrasive?” He added, a second later, just making his manner of saying the word ‘abrasive,’ softer and tamer.

Hange looked pointedly at him. She stood up, right in front of the gazebo. And she stood there for a second longer, as if she expected him to follow.

It was awkward to sit alone on a bench, in a garden he wasn’t familiar with, especially when the partner of the owner was standing seemingly uncomfortable by the gazebo. He stood up and walked towards her.

“Was I at least tolerable?” Hange asked with a very distinct tone, a hint of a mock accent in her voice.

Tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me. For some reason, those words had stuck with him. “Why the hell are you citing the book?”

“Oh, so you noticed. I wanna play a bit,” Hange said.

“Play what?”

“Just play a bit with the man who reminds me so much of Mister Darcy,” Hange said. The insult still poked at Levi at his most irritable and he was tempted to walk away.

Hange put one hand out and the most natural movement was to look back. “What do you want?” Levi asked. Two parts of him were grappling for control, one with the intention to walk away and one tempted to take her hand. “Why are you putting your hand out?”

She’s married. She’s married. She’s married.

“May I have this dance?” Hange asked.

No, you cannot dance with a married person. People go to balls because they’re single. His conscience wasn’t screaming but it had grumbled it with utmost authority.

Holding hands was off limits. Holding hands with a married person in one of the summer houses of her billionaire husband was very much off limits. What the hell was Hange thinking? His head started to spin, there was a hitch of breath and Levi didn’t even think confusion could have sent a prickle in his eyes.

The hand quickly disappeared from in front of him. Levi looked up to see Hange had pulled that hand back and it fell to her side. Still, Hange was moving it, as if it was still very much fair game. “See, you’re a softie at heart,” she said.

“What are you trying to prove?” Levi asked.

“That you’re like Mr. Darcy?” Hange was getting more and more smug. “Mr. Darcy didn’t wanna dance either.”

“We’re not in a ball,” Levi said, blood rushing to his cheeks. Suddenly everything seemed like an insult. Darcy was an asshole yet a big softie. Two descriptions on two different ends of the spectrum. Levi started to reflect. Which description was more insulting?

Hange leaned back on the gazebo. ”Let me enjoy this, I met a guy who reminds me of mister Darcy. Then when we first met, I thought you hated me, if not hated me, I thought you just hated the world,” she said.

"How can you assume that from our first meeting?" Levi asked.

Hange sighed. "You sat too far away from me, you acted like my being there was an inconvenience and you weren't too happy to be answering all my questions."

"I was being professional."

"I have met sales people nicer than that."

Levi wasn’t a salesman. That much, he could admit. "And just because I was a little abrasive, you'll assume I hate you?"

"What can I say, that's my prejudice," Hange said. She didn't look like she would have bothered to hear much about his explanation.

"And what are you going to say now? My own abrasiveness is pride?" Levi challenged. Really, he was in no mood for a challenge then, a challenge he didn’t himself understand. He sighed and turned back to the bench. From the mischievous glint in Hange’s eyes, it was obvious there were way more things he still didn’t understand. “Give me time to finish the book,” he said.

He stretched his legs out, unlocked his phone and opened the ebook file.

He didn't remember the last words where he stopped but he did remember one particular passage that seemed a little bolder, the ink darker particularly on the bright white of his phone screen.

You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who could make you so.

Then comprehension came quickly after that. Levi scanned through the next page, until reaching a point where he knew there was new information.

Back to that asshole Darcy. At that point, Levi was in less of a mood to reflect. Hange had called him Darcy, he still considered that one character to be a total asshole and he found himself torn between denying and accepting his sad fate.

Hange continued to move, a flicker at his peripherals. He felt it clearly, she sat beside him again. He heard the click as she unlocked her phone. Then the all too familiar sound as the love alarm activated. Love alarm or Emotion alarm?

Levi cursed himself for reusing that damn sound. He glanced quickly, just to search for some flash in the color. He couldn't really tell the contents of her phone from his angle. And when he had gathered up the courage to look, Hange had already pocketed it.

“Peaceful isn’t it?” Hange started.

“How do you feel today?” Levi asked. He kept his voice disconnected, not looking at all at Hange.

“Happy,” she said.

Levi had turned on his own application almost surreptitiously, making the conscious effort to silence it just a second ago.

The alarm flashed before him again. A very familiar yellow, with the words happy on top.

“Good for you then,” Levi finally responded.

He made another conscious effort, a quick sanity check, just to make sure the smile wasn’t apparent in his tone.

The house wasn't empty.

As Levi soon found out as they made their way back out to the gate, there were housekeepers, gardeners. And they seemed fond of Hange, fond enough to even remember her birthday. Some had even been friendly enough to ask who the man with her was.

Friendly. Or suspicious. For a while longer, Levi was self conscious.

But there was nothing to hide. He and Hange after all had just gotten friendly over the months.

“This is Levi, he’s a developer helping me work on my PhD,” Hange explained it like it was just the truth.. “And I thought I’d show him around the estate. If you don’t mind…” And it was the stone cold truth and as she spoke, Levi couldn’t help but be fascinated at how feelings of sadness, guilt and relief mixed so easily together inside him.

The housekeeper shook her head. “No, we don’t mind at all. Do you two need lodging? We could prepare---”

Hange put her hands up in front of her. “No, that would be too much. We’re only here for the night and I think I wanna go further up north.”

“Just like last time?” Worry flashed across the housekeeper’s face for just a second. “You know it gets dangerous nearer to the mountains…”

“We’ll only be there for a while, just long enough to see it again. And we’ll be careful about it.” Hange looked like she was saying too much. But she always talked so it shouldn’t have been such an odd thing to think. Maybe because Hange spoke with a little more tension, her words came out of her much faster, sometimes stilted and Levi found himself staring, then avoided her gaze as he realized he couldn’t even control what he was feeling.

The quick exchange eventually ended and he was following Hange out of the house. Her strides were much harder to keep up with.

“Sorry about that,” Hange said. “I get nervous when I visit the Jaeger estate alone.”

“You’re married to Zeke, you have every right to be there.”

“I married Zeke, not his money. I don’t wanna play the partner that just suddenly enjoys all the richest and powers of my husband. That’s why I didn’t even take his name. I’m not a gold digger. I’m not a Jaeger, we just so happened to get married.” She got into the car and closed the door with a louder slam than usual.” I’d feel much better staying over if Zeke was with me.”

“You didn’t have to take me here either if you were uncomfortable.”

“I wanted to show you my Rosing Park,” Hange said. She placed her hand on the clutch and started the car. “And next, we go to ‘Pemberley.’ It’s a few hours away from here so buckle up.”

The car pulled out from the driveway and soon they were out on the road again.

A few minutes of silence later, Levi started to get a little restless. “This book really means a lot to you huh?” He asked.

Hange nodded then she was quiet for a while longer and Levi thought it proper to just let her navigate her way through. The car continued to whirr and if Levi looked closely, he even noticed his body was shaking with it. If he read for a while longer, he could end up with his head spinning and his eyes crossing. He increased the font size and willed himself to read again.

“You know,” Hange’s voice was ringing in the silence and it pulled him out of his semi concentrated state.

Levi looked up at her, and just behind her, he saw they arrived back in the free way.

Hange continued. “One thing about Pride and Prejudice, the author doesn’t spend too much time talking about how the landscapes look like. The appearance of the houses and gardens are up for interpretation.”

Levi recalled, Hange was a very inquisitive person. Enough to hyperfixate on landscape? He was doubting. “Then why did you imagine Zeke’s manor as Rosings?” He asked.

Hange shrugged. “If you read the book, you’d see, it was the home of Lady Catherine, an incredibly tacky place and if you remember the gardens behind the house, they’re very green but they seem…. Artificial? Rehearsed?” She gave a pained look.

“Then why do you care enough to look at them if you hate the gardens that much?”

Hange shook her head. “I don’t hate them but the novel, it made me reflect on a lot of things and sometimes, when I allow myself to look at the landscapes, I’m able to think about what happened in the book, and about love and---”

“So Mr. Darcy proposed to Elizabeth,” Levi interrupted. “Then what happened?”

“She turned him down,” Hange said.

“Why?”

“To put it simply, because she thought Darcy was an asshole.”

“It’s only natural that people wouldn’t want to marry an asshole right?” Levi asked. “Books should be teaching those types of things.”

Hange spared him a long glare. “Well, here’s the thing. Mr. Darcy isn’t an asshole. He’s misunderstood.”

“And what do romance novels do but romanticize every single ‘misunderstood’ man.”

Hange hummed and stared back again at the front. The car continued to move at a steady pace. A long pause followed. Then she spoke up again. “What if I told you Pride and Prejudice is not really a romance?”

“When it follows a couple and the development of a relationship, I think it counts.”

Hange patted the steering wheel. “Well sure, the novel tackles love and marriage but the approach is… cold, calculating. If you notice, they spend more time discussing money, properties, duty. It takes into account money, status, upbringing… so it seems more like a social commentary to me. ”

You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who could make you so.

“Then how did this book shape your idea of love?” Levi asked.

Hange put her finger to her chin. She had a far off look. “I like the idea of approaching love as something to calculate and to think about. Like Elizabeth and Darcy, they explored it, they thought long and hard about it..”

“Oh?” Levi asked, one eyebrow raised. “Is this where your ‘love is a choice’ schtick comes from?”

Hange bit her lip. “Not just that definitely. There’s a lot to learn about being hasty, about having to think long and deep about love and marriage. They didn’t fall in love at first, they were prideful. They had their prejudices but they made it work… And I thought to myself, maybe these are what love and marriage are? Maybe they're calculating like a science, maybe we should consider everything from reputation, money, family and convenience when we deal with something like love and marriage and it’s okay to approach life that way.”

For some reason, that tirade only made Levi heavier and heavier the more he continued. "The main character… she turned down Mr. Collins proposal and that was because she didn't love him right? Emotions play a part too," Levi said.

"I'm not denying it," Hange said. "But ask yourself, how much of a part are emotions supposed to play?"

That question, Levi couldn't answer. Somehow, that should have been something someone a little more experienced like Hange should have answered for him. Instead, she kept quiet, her eyes looking straight ahead, but she blinked a little faster the next few times as if she was struggling with something he couldn't see.

It could have been uncharacteristic. It was an odd set of emotions to play with but Levi was suddenly more and more compelled to break the silence himself. With nothing much else to say, he let his emotions speak for him. "If I were a little cold before, I didn't mean that."

"No offense taken," Hange grinned at him knowingly. "You seem tense." She was studying him for that glimmer of a second before she started to fiddle with her phone with her free hand. "I have the audiobook for Pride and Prejudice. You wanna listen?"

***

"They gradually ascended for half a mile, and then found themselves at the top of a considerable eminence, where the wood ceased, and the eye was instantly caught by Pemberley House, situated on the opposite side of a valley, into which the road with some abruptness wound.

"This is supposed to be my Pemberley," Hange said. She had been hyping it up since a while ago that it seemed almost anticlimactic then. With the tone Hange was giving, he was sure she had been a little disappointed too. "Believe me, it looks nicer on good days," she added.

It had been a good day until a while ago. He could have sworn the sky had been blue for at least half the trip. Grey clouds were a strange things, part of the clouds were grey from afar but never looked too menacing until they was looming directly above them. Only when it was nearer did it have the tendency to just blanket everything in a very dull and unbearable grey.

Any color would look grey with the right level of dimness. He wondered for a while longer why Hange was still continuing the trek. The longer they walked, the farther they got from the car.

Levi’s worry, his nervousness only increased threefold, fourfold then he lost count. After all, they had stopped on what could have been the middle of nowhere. He couldn't tell where they were. Any inkling of sense laid out in front of them was in the form of a dirt road, just stretched out from the freeway with no buildings for miles, no pit stops.

And if it actually started to rain? Levi imagined it for a second before shaking his head. He tried to focus on other things like the ease of walking, his manageable energy levels.

The meagre late lunch of a drive-through burger meal was more than enough for a quick hike. Levi found himself pondering whether energy should have even been expended for something so grey.

The color grey just didn't seem worth the hike to see. "Why are we here?" Levi asked.

"Let's just stay long enough to climb the hill." Hange seemed persistent. Her back was on him and he couldn't tell the face she was making then. “It might look better on the other side.”

They were near enough at least that Levi had to crane his neck to see the top and he consoled himself. Maybe it was worth the hike. Maybe Hange was more privy to weather patterns and she at least calculated the quick hike and the awe that it would be worth.

Then Levi reminded himself, it was her birthday. Whether it did leave him as in awe as she was was irrelevant. That was a consolation Hange afforded herself. He was merely a companion. There should be things to get out of the conversation at least. “Tell me about your Pemberley,” Levi said.

“You’re gonna continue reading right? Do you really want to know?” Hange asked, seeming suddenly careful with her words.

After spoiling me the rest of the way? Levi would have wanted to ask.

“You seemed invested,” Hange said. It was a sufficient answer to his silent question. “I’d rather you read it on your own. Especially the part about Pemberley and the scene in Rosing’s.”

“Why? After spoiling me this much?” His abrasiveness, the irritation had made his legs lighten under him and he moved a little faster catching up to Hange.

Hange seemed concentrated, looking ahead, not hesitating even as the incline presented itself right in front of them. It was getting steeper and Levi felt it as an ache in his legs as he climbed but Hange, admirably or begrudgingly, seemed unfazed

Levi was a few inches shorter and maybe he was at a disadvantage. He didn’t have the same investment either but he stepped forward, going at the steeper incline with wider strides while maintaining speed. He looked to Hange who was right next to him. She continued to look ahead, she craned her head back, her hastily tied hair fell behind her and she was whispering something.

If Hange hadn’t seemed hypnotized yet disturbed, if the fat cold droplets didn’t settle on his arms, getting stronger and more numerous by the second, maybe he would have let her climb and climb. He would have obediently followed behind.

It had been everything at once. Maybe confusion at everything had been that one final nail on the coffin. Irritation welled quickly, then anger. Hange hadn’t been speaking in any straightforward manner for a while already so he forced it out of her.

“Why the hell does Pemberley mean so much to you?” Levi raised his voice. Just in case that hadn’t been enough, hell, that had actually been enough, he pulled her from behind.

The rain accumulated on the dirt road quickly and when Hange turned to answer, she fell backward rapidly. Right on top of him.

It was a quick and terrifying sequence or movements, Levi found himself sandwiched, Hange in front of him, his behind buried in mud and dirt, blades of grass were brushing heavily past him. But he didn't stop.

They didn't stop. Gravity had them moving down, naturally quickly and violently down the steep incline and Levi could only be thankful that the grass had been kind, absent of anything that could have snagged at any part them.

A few long seconds later, by some miracle, they were unharmed, still very much alive.

It didn’t change the fact that at the bottom, they were both fucking dirty. And he was a little--- scratch that--- very rattled. And Hange was on top of him, her hair clung close to her, her glasses had fallen to her mouth and she seemed just a little disconcerted.

Hange pushed herself up. “I’m sorry, are you okay?” She put one hand on his cheek, one filthy hand.

Instinctively, Levi pushed it away. She was disgusting. They were both disgusting. He could taste a hint of dirt at his lips and he closed his nose and shut his mouth before he could taste anymore.

It was disgusting. And in that state, he was recalling how pleasant almost drowning seemed when he was covered in mud, the rain only continued to pour. He would rather have been drinking salt water then.

When he noticed that a minute passed under the rain, he started to observe then search for signs on how Hange might have been feeling. They had left their phones in the car. He was thankful they weren’t casualties but he was a little regretful that he couldn’t read her then.

Purple. He made a guess. That was the only reading she had given then. Sad angry? Or angry sad?

But when he looked for sadness, angriness, he saw it in those wide eyes in the red just under her eyes. Or he could have been projecting. It could have also been a placebo affect.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I got so fucking worked up over this. Let's go back." Hange's voice was stilted, alarmingly cold.

"You've done this before right?"

The rain wasn't stopping anytime soon. In fact, it came down hard and Levi could have felt like he was drowning again.

The storm had proven to be a worse adversary. The wind was almost as menacing as waves.

He struggled to his feet. Hange had held out her hand, wrapped one arm around his shoulder and standing up became a small feat.

"Hey, are you okay?" Hange asked again, her voice a whisper that brushed at his neck. She was close enough to even overwhelm the pouring rain just outside their small bubble.

He hadn't answered her earlier. He didn't even know how she had been able to get the message to him in spite of the wind blowing at their face, the thunder and the patter of the rain on the dirt road.

When they were close enough, shoulders and arms touching, her lips almost brushing against his ear. He thought it close enough that she would probably hear if he whispered. Maybe it was worth just opening his mouth to speak. Two words or maybe four. Just long enough so she won’t have to speak again the whole trek back to the car.

“Let’s just go back.”

***

Adrenaline, exhaustion and the shaken state eventually gave way to irritation once again.

It was a slow process but Hange was silent. She had been driving much slower and with the peace, the slow rhythm of the whirring of the car, Levi had time and space to contemplate.

Levi was contemplating the expenses of cleaning a rented car. When the mud started to dry and harden, when they caked at his skin, they only aggravated the at first, silent irritation. It was silent but it was irritating altogether. He angrily wiped his hands on the dashboard of the car, and reached for his phone next to the clutch.

“Levi, I can pay for cleaning up the car," Hange said.

Levi kept quiet. For one, he didn’t want to entertain the idea of making her pay for all of it. A part of him though, the stingy part, would have rather she did.

“Levi, are you angry at me?” Hange asked a minute later.

And that phrase always had that magic of making most people angrier than they were already. Levi was no exception.

Still, he did try to be just a little nicer. “You’re driving aimlessly on the road. We’re a mess in the car. We’re both covered in mud, my legs and my arms hurt. Hange, think.”

“Think?”

“Who wouldn’t be at least a little angry?” His tone betrayed his words. Hange had been responding in questions since a while ago and it only served to further aggravate it.

“I told you, I’m sorry.” She did say 'sorry' a while ago but he wasn't in the mood to accept it then. So it slipped his mind.

“Well, finally you’re being more direct but you know, it would have been helpful if you’ve been more open since a while ago.”

“More open about what?”

Levi smacked his hand on the dashboard. “There you are again, you ask questions but you never fucking answer. And if you answer you’re fucking vague, or you fucking digress.”

“Any... question you wanna ask?” Hange asked hesitantly.

“Why does Pemberley mean so much to you? Why does this damn book mean so much to you? You’re a scientist, a researcher. Why are you getting so worked up over a fucking social commentary?”

Hange gave him a wounded look, and she stared for a long time. Levi only noticed then, that that had been the longest stare she had been giving him in a while. The fiasco of a while ago was enough of an evidence that Hange did get worked up over it and Levi held it like a memento, just in case Hange decided to play oblivious.

She didn’t. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I got emotional.” But she still wasn’t answering questions.

“Why does Pemberley mean so much to you?” Levi asked again. He kept this voice hard, stone cold and firm. He enunciated every syllable and every word like they were separate from one another.

Hange avoided his gaze. “Well, I really like the relationship between Elizabeth and Darcy---”

“Why do you like it so much?”

“It’s because I would have wanted the same for myself---”

“Would have?” And Levi caught it, two words that had hovered in the air for a second.

Hange clamped her mouth shut.

“Would have?” Levi repeated again in the silence. And the irritation, the discomfort and the fury from being caked from head to toe with semi dried mud had somehow been released with two words.

“I have the same for myself,” Hange clarified.

“Would?”

“It’s a slip of the tongue,” Hange said. She didn’t look back and it didn’t look like she would be prodding that topic anymore.

So Levi brought up another question. “What about Elizabeth and Darcy’s relationship do you like?”

“It’s... “ Hange was hesitating. “It’s in the small details…” She seemed more concentrated on the road ahead of her.

“Go on.” Levi gripped on the seat cushion underneath him. Somehow, the car was starting to move in time to the patter of the rain.

“You might even think I’m crazy for looking at them…” Hange continued.

“But…” Levi turned to Hange, he looked closely as her lips parted as if she was about to say something.

Then her voice filled the cramped space inside the car for only a split second, before the squeak of tires, the spray of water and the burst of sensations that came with the dizzying experience of his body lurching forward in his seat.

For a second, Levi could have sworn he was dead.

***

They weren’t the only ones who decided to call it a day. It turned out there were numerous people who had been wandering around that side of the country and it looked like that particular motel had been the only one for miles around.

The first warning should have been the fact that it had taken Levi and Hange minutes to navigate a pretty small parking lot, just to find a place to fit the car. The second warning should have been the amount of lit up windows.

At that point, they were both exhausted and Levi had focused too clearly on the ‘open’ sign.

Open 24 hours.

So he didn’t waste any time. Hange didn’t either. It was cold, it was raining and Levi could forget that it was too early in September for him to have been shivering, for white fog to be accompanying his shuddering breath.

It was his first time up north, autumn came much earlier. That didn’t stop him from grumbling silently about why autumn rains had to be so cruel.

It was barely even autumn. Shitting on the weather proved to be an adequate consolation for their very uncomfortable state.

Hange seemed unsure and maybe she had heard his grumbles, maybe she had assumed it was about her. “I’ll check if they have any rooms,” Hange said, an apologetic smile on her face. She looked down towards his elbow. “And I’ll ask for a first aid kit, so we could do something about that.”

His body had been a conglomeration of discomforts since a while ago and the bleeding scrape on his elbow had been a terrible surprise. Not so terrible actually as he looked closer, he barely even felt it.

Before he could stop her, Hange had went ahead to the reception, covered in mud and all. Levi was grateful at least that they both had cleaned their shoes on the way in. The headache would be left to whoever would be cleaning their car.

The man at the counter was apologetic, a little too nice and he spoke to Hange like he was talking to some higher figure. It was a simple back and forth.

They were guests, he worked in hospitality. It was a natural exchange.

Maybe Levi had just been a little perceptive because everyone seemed to approach Hange with some unique form of respect. After a brief back and forth, Hange turned back to Levi, a flash of uncertainty on her face.

Just a flash. Before Levi could perceive more, it disappeared.

Levi still saw that as a cue to follow behind. “What?”

“So there is only one room left, towards the back...” Hange started.

“Apologies about this…” The receptionist bowed his head. “The roads get slippery… And it’s dangerous to go out so many people….” He was babbling at that point and all Levi wanted him to do was get to the point.

Hange let out a sigh then dropped her credit card on the table. “We’ll take it.”

“You managed to get a room, why is he apologizing?” Levi asked, turning to the comparably more coherent Hange Zoe.

“Well, there’s only one room left,” Hange responded.

“And?”

“There’s only one bed.” Hange had said that part with a straight face. She huffed and put one muddy finger up in front of him. “But you know, I really think we can make this work...” 

[kendochick-moor]

April 2010 - SaiMono - Ryuuki/Shuurei, Kochou/Seiran - Modern Uni AU of some sort...

n      need to re-work this to make it fit into the Modern University/College AU with Ryuuren x Shuurei x Eigetsu family love/fluff

n      need to write at least 1-2 one-shots where Seiran is escorting/meeting Shuurei to walk her ‘home’ from her job (write one-shot explaining fully why she’s working there?...)

n      need to write one-shot where Seiran x Kouchou are together, explain/hint at their relationship?

n      Need to write one-shot that explores Ryuuki’s situation a bit (thrust into being head of business/capital? Is known by reputation only, is a loner, is lonely, doesn’t get to socialize much, finds Seiran by chance, hangs out with him when he can, as Seiran is only person who sees him as ‘Ryuuki’, not ‘Mr. Shi.”…)

n      Need to write/consider the police force / justice system, where other characters fit in.

n      Shouka? Ensei? Reishin? Kijin/Kou?

n      Kouyuu / Shuei / Shuei & Shusui?

n      Eiki. Three Grand Guardians (Shou Taishi, Sou Taifu, Sa Enjun)

n      Also, completely re-do Seiran-searching-for-Kouchou scenes, they are stupid, useless, fanservicey, and could be tons better if given more thought/originality.

******************************

Word count: approx. 5,300 words

Genre: Modern AU, romance

Chars: Shuurei x Ryuuki, Seiran x Kouchou, Ensei

Summary: It takes a village to raise a… date?

******************************

“Do you really think this is the right time?” the pale-haired young man looked back at his older brother as the latter gently—but firmly—guided him towards the door of his apartment.

“Everything will be fine,” assured Seiran with a confident, if tired, sigh. Really, if he didn’t get Ryuuki out the door soon then Shuurei would be left waiting by herself in the cold night outside the cram school where she tutored. The walk from the office building, where the cram school was located, to the bus stop was short but passed through a few unsavoury parts of the city before it connected with the main thoroughfare. Usually Seiran would ‘coincidentally’ meet her on his way home, make sure she made it as far as her connection to the subway, and then be on his way back to his apartment in the opposite direction. The subway was well-policed and brightly lit, and there was a stop just one intersection away from her dorm. The dorm that was located in one of the safest neighbourhoods in the city. He’d made sure of that, with a bit of help.

The after-hours habit had been that way for the better part of the past year, since she’d started working at the Learning Center to make the money she needed for her university tuition. Their routine would have continued that way (with Shuurei none the wiser to how  deliberate –and out of his way—his nightly detour truly was) if it hadn’t been for the fact that Seiran’s fiancée, Kochou, was due to return from her business trip that afternoon and he had promised to collect her from the airport. And she’d called him from the stop-over airport, early that morning, to relate to him that, wonder of wonders, she’d just run into their old friend Ensei, and wouldn’t it be fantastic if they all got together? She thought so—and had talked Ensei into re-arranging his plans so he could come back with her to Kiyou. Surely Seiran didn’t have a problem with that? Good, because she was sure everything would be fine and they’d see him by lunchtime.

The plane had now been delayed by several hours.

So far, Seiran hadn’t been able to reach Shuurei, or his fiancée, and while he knew both women were more than capable of taking care of themselves… he worried. He told himself that logically, nothing would happen, everything was fine, and he was just being a mother hen. That really, they were in safe places, surrounded by a ridiculous number of security cameras, and knew better than to wander off. (With Ensei, or random people who asked her for help, in Shuurei’s case.)

That of course the pair of intelligent women would stick to well-lit spaces, avoid talking to strangers, and stay out of trouble… With Ensei.

Unconsciously his right eyebrow twitched at the incongruity of his secret dream and the reality that faced him. Why were all the women he knew danger-magnets?

Well if he couldn’t be in two places at once, he’d at least make sure someone was.

And if he happened to have noticed his little brother making puppy dog eyes at Shuurei when he’d joined him on a few recent excursions, well, there were worse escorts.

At this, Ensei’s rakish grin sprang immediately to mind, accompanied by its usual companion, the Industrial-Grade Migraine.

His younger brother’s voice broke through the painful haze rapidly fogging his brain. “What’s wrong? Why are you angry? Did I do something wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” rubbing a hand over his face to ease the tension that had clued his younger brother in to his mood, Seiran begged the powers that be for patience. Nothing is wrong, he repeated internally, nothing is wrong, nothing is wrong…

* - *

Ryuuki had parked at the subway station, ridden to the stop near Shuurei’s office, and walked the rest of the way in an outwardly calm manner, but his insides a nervous rush. He barely noticed his surroundings, except for one last errand…

The flower shops he’d passed were all closed – he’d wanted to get her flowers. But wait—would that be too formal? It wasn’t a ‘proper’ date, it was just collecting her, wasn’t it? Then he shouldn’t be trying so hard. Or should he? Should he be trying to impress her? What had his ani-ue said?!

“It’s ok,” he heard his brother’s voice in his head, “this is supposed to be casual. Kochou just wanted to have dinner together, so you go get Shuurei, and we’ll meet at the restaurant.”

Right, of course.

“Just be yourself,” Seiran had smiled at him, before patting him on the head and literally shoving him out the door.

The young man was convinced something was bothering his ani-ue by that point. And sending him off on his own to meet Shuurei? He’d never done that before!

“—uuki!”

And what if she didn’t like ‘himself’, he wondered slowly. What if she liked someone else? Was she seeing anyone else? He sped up, both his heartrate and his step, and doubt settled coldly into his belly.

“Ryuuki!”

The preoccupied man’s thoughts spiraled. He’d never had the confidence to ask her if she was involved, since he’d been so worried about the possibility of her answer being, “Yes, with the man of my dreams!”– and in his mind, how could someone like her not be seeing someone? Now he was terrified he may be rejected, and then what would they do for dinner?! This was a big night for his ani-ue and his fiancée, Kochou—what if he’d ruined it? Oh no, what if he ruined their entire relationship? His brother would never forgive him!

“Ryuuki! Is that you? Wait up!”

(A young woman’s voice rose in mounting concern, but the blond man’s focus was entirely inwards and he missed the repeated calls.)

The worried young man skidded to a stop at the thought that he’d just irreparably damaged the happiest part of his brother’s life.

It was all his fault--!

Suddenly he startled as someone grabbed his arm. 

“Ryuuki, slow down!” huffed Shuurei.

She leaned over her knees to catch her breath a moment before straightening up to look at him again, cheeks pinked. She pushed some of her loosened hair back behind her ear. “I just chased you for nearly a block –you looked so worried! Is something wrong? Can I help?”

Her beautiful dark eyes, large in her concern for him, shone in the darkness as she held on to him, refusing to let him go.

And his mouth went dry.

Then his brain fizzled out.

And he opened the former before the latter had re-engaged.

Whirling on her and grabbing her hands desperately in his, he pulled her to him (“Whu-Ryuuki! What’s going on-!”) and pleaded,

“You need to come to dinner! It’s the only way to save them!”

* * *

Shuurei paused, her eyebrows knit, and she remembered something Seiran had once mentioned to her about his little brother. “He always means well. But he can be a bit… impulsive.”

Ahhhhh… so ‘impulsive’ is Seiran-ese for ‘total spaz’, the young woman quickly deduced. It was so… Seiran… to try to put his little brother’s quirks, said brother being someone he cared deeply for, in a good light.

Actually…

Shuurei paused again…

Seiran’d been talking Ryuuki up to her quite a bit recently. Subtly, always subtly, but definitely a lot, for him. The pieces started clicking into place in her mind, and she controlled a reflexive eye twitch. Great. Her ‘big brother’ was playing matchmaker between her and his little brother. Spazzy little brother.

Oh, brother.

The aforementioned man’s face was inches from hers, still anxious. But noting how sincere he was, how determined he was to take care of his family, and how fiercely he gripped her hands—ow--, Shuurei stifled the urge to sigh and took a calming breath, hoping her escort had absorbed some of her pacifism.

“Ryuuki?” she repeated again patiently, cautiously, for she was sure it was at least the sixth time. She couldn’t help her voice pitching a bit high. She’d never appreciated how strong he was, or that he must work with his hands. The long, tapered fingers gripping hers were rougher than she’d expected. Not that she’d thought about him, or his hands, much. Really. Just once or twice, in passing. As she waved goodbye to him and Seiran, or as she went to bed alone in her dorm apartment. Wondering why she’d catch him looking at her from time to time on their way from her work to the subway…

“Hands,” she burst out, to reel herself back in from her distracting thoughts. She gave a faint tug, not actually trying to pull her hands from his warmth. Well, ok, now it was starting to hurt, but if he’d loosen his grip just a little bit, it wouldn’t be so bad. He had lovely hands, she noticed, the longer he held her, strong and competent, and wow, he must work out…

“Huh?”

This time, he truly looked at her; then down at their tightly clasped fingers; then understanding dawned on him when he became conscious of how white her trembling hands had become in his grip.

“I’m so sorry-!”

“Ah!” she shook her hands carefully, just a tiny bit, as he threw them away from him and stepped back a few inches to give her some space.

“Thank you,” she breathed and smiled at him.

“I didn’t mean to-!”

“-it’s ok!,” she sighed, covertly massaging her hands within the loose sleeves of her coat. That felt a bit better, and she refused to admit she felt even a touch disappointed. Already she missed his warmth. Just not the… enthusiasm. “So, Kochou and Seiran mentioned something about dinner tonight. Are we heading over to meet them?”

“I love you, please go out with me!” he wanted to exclaim, but wisely kept that part locked up behind the closed doors of his eager subconscious. He really didn’t need to scare her off with his desperate infatuation… yet.

“Yes,” he replied instead. One thing at a time, he reminded himself. Things had gotten off to a rocky start, but he just had to convince her he was worth her time, and that would help resolve any lingering misgivings. And he could always call his ani-ue to help him smooth things over if he really botched collecting Shuurei. He really hoped it wouldn’t come to that, though. He wanted to do this on his own. He’d liked her for months now, he just needed to get himself together and talk to her, without Kouchou or his ani-ue breaking the ice or ‘helping’ him out.

So far, though, she looked pretty… happy to see him, actually! His heart soared. Yes, tonight would be the night! He tried to keep his grin under wraps as his ‘date’ started speaking again.

Nodding brightly, Shuurei straightened her coat and tucked her now mittened-hands into her pockets. “Well, let’s go then. The battery on my cell died earlier this afternoon, so I didn’t get a chance to confirm things with Seiran. Do you know where we’re going?”

This time, he nodded at her and pointed back the way he’d come. “Kouchou-neesan chose it. I think we’ll have one of the private rooms for the night, so we can wait there for them. Her plane is late.”

Falling into step beside Shuurei, the young man heard her make a sympathetic sound in her throat. “And she’d been hoping to make it back early this time, too! She’s had so many business trips recently, she must be exhausted.”

“I’m sure my brother will take good care of her,” Ryuuki found the conversation came easily this time, and reveled in having Shuurei’s undivided attention. “So, how have you been?...” He held his breath. Well, gotta ask sometime, he thought. “Seeing anyone these days? Oh, are you ok!?”

“Oh, fine, thanks, sorry, tripped over my own feet, hahaha…” She straightened up, face definitely more red than pink now. Well, he hadn’t wasted time, she’d give him that…  “Uh, no, not… not seeing anyone…”

When she made to let go of his arm (which she’d grabbed when she stumbled), he tightened his hold and caught her arm between his elbow and side, not letting her go. While she bit her lip for a second, she didn’t protest. And after a few moments, she relaxed and hooked her arm properly through his. (Because it was more comfortable that way, she told herself, and didn’t look as ridiculous as being pulled along. That was all.) Of course, she had no idea that she was nearly beaming at him, just so sincerely flattered, when he glanced down at her.

For his part, Inner!Ryuuki cheered.

Yes, he could definitely get used to this now that he knew she didn’t have a boyfriend, the young man thought to himself.  (What a relief! Why did he wait so long again?) He could get used to it very easily. Hopefully, she would, too, he thought optimistically. Another peek at her profile, her eyes bright and happy, convinced him it might not be as difficult as he’d dreaded to win her over.

*- *

Forty-five minutes.

Seiran glanced again at the illuminated message board that listed the flights that had arrived and what gates they should pick up their baggage from, and he checked the nearby clock.

Her flight had arrived over an hour ago, and he’d been waiting there, just outside the baggage carousel’s security gate, for nearly forty-five minutes, and she wasn’t there. All the bags had been picked up; the information desk had confirmed everyone had left the plane; and no one had missed it leaving its last terminal in Kou province. It had been a full flight, no free seats.

Even in first class, where Seiran was sure Kouchou and Ensei would have been sitting. Together. Causing trouble…

The migraine flared and Seiran’s cheek twitched at the pain. Then he unclenched his jaw and tried to think again of where the pair would have disappeared to.

It was a random, though casual, scene, but as the tall young man turned to look around the terminal, his eyes caught on the sight of several tired pilots steering their baggage behind them as they headed to an escalator. They were laughing about their shift being “finally over!” for the night, and they “couldn’t wait to kick back & relax”.

The sign hanging above them indicated, “WINGNUTS à” .

Seiran felt his shoulders wilt a bit.

After depositing even more money into the parking meter, he trudged up the escalator to the increasingly raucous noise that welcomed one and all to the terminal’s beverage lounge…

*-*

“Anything yet?”

Ryuuki glanced at his phone. No missed calls, no voicemail, no text messages or e-mail. “Nothing. He hasn’t found her yet.”

“Hmmm… Maybe we should order some appetizers for ourselves?” Shuurei wondered aloud, leaning across the table to glance at the time illuminated on the front of Ryuuki’s cellphone before sitting back down her in seat again. “Oh no!” she exclaimed suddenly, her eyes fixed on the windows of the restaurant, just behind them.

Her company turned to look in her direction, and realized the problem.

“Was there supposed to be a blizzard today? I thought it was just a light snowfall!” he said, forgetting about the phone.

“That’s what I thought, too! Oh no, do you think they’re having problems landing?”

“Seiran would have called if that were the case,” he assured her. “More than likely they’re missing each other in the terminal. They just put the new addition on – maybe they’re still re-routing some passengers and flights?”

“Yes… Well…” her voice drifted off as she considered their situation. “How about we order and let Seiran know? We can always bring their food to them, and meet up for coffee at their place after dinner to chat.” Decision made, she looked to him for confirmation.

And that would mean a nice, private tete-a-tete dinner between the two of them….

“… no sense letting good food go to waste,” he agreed, and they signaled the waiter.

*-*

“Sure I saw them!”

Seiran nodded politely to the bartender to continue. It was the fourth bartender he’d spoken with. WINGNUTS apparently was a multi-level establishment, with different locations that catered to different clientele. Very particular clientele.

“I believe they were part of the conga line that went over to the Leather Fairy,” said the man, pointing helpfully at the bar two hops down the conveyor-belt walkway.

“Thank you,” the tired fiancé-turned-chauffeur roused himself from the stool he’d been leaning on and made his way over to the…

… ah, this one had a cross-dressing theme, he observed with another eye twitch…

… next bar.

Noting that it really shouldn’t have taken him 5 saloons to catch on that Kouchou and Ensei were leading him on a wild goose chase, Seiran sighed inside and soldiered on.

“Well helloooooo handsome! What can we do for you tonight?”

…. Why did it have to be a cross-dressing bar with a leather-or-feather dress code? And who’d allowed this kind of establishment to be built within an airport?! The last place had been a Tiki-styled family grill!

The Tiki had been Ensei, he mused dismally. The leather was definitely Kouchou.

As the greeter cheerfully offered up a leather vest or a fluffy boa to him before they’d allow him entrance, Seiran couldn’t help the heavy mantle of despair that slid onto his weary shoulders.

Oh wait, that was his new vinyl cape. (With matching fitted mask, it seemed, as he felt the elastic settling over his ears.) He sensed Ensei’s hand in this, somehow. The man had always had a fascination with capes…

Normally, he would never undergo this, he thought murderously, and wished he could set his glare to Maximum Punishment Beam. But his fiancé tended to tease him mercilessly about that. Or upstage him in that department. Not that he had much pride, (really, he didn’t), but he’d learned early on that that pride wasn’t worth the wrath of an angry Kouchou.

Speaking of, where was she—

The silver-haired man stopped short at the sight before him. Even through the mask, the form clad in glitter and spandex was unmistakable; the sashay in clear heels, the long, lustrous hair, the gown that was clearly more at home on a runway than an airport lounge.

And the 3-day old stubble confirmed it.

Oh hells…

“Ensei, if you come near me wearing that, I will not hesitate to defend myself.”

*-*

The weather that greeted Ryuuki & Shuurei outside the restaurant was nothing short of a white-out.

Ryuuki thanked someone on the phone, and returned to Shuurei’s side with a concerned grimace on his face.

“Any luck?”

“The taxi companies are all booked solid, and they have long waits since so many of the major roads are closed until the ploughs get through,” he informed her, helping her into her jacket.

Shuurei looked grimly at the frozen landscape, not liking their odds. “I haven’t seen a bus pass by since we noticed the heavy snowfall start, two hours ago. I think they’re sidelined, too.”

Which left them with few choices to get themselves home – and they weren’t dressed for the ‘trudging through sleet and snow’ option.

Well, not for very far, at least, admitted Ryuuki as he considered their alternatives. Unless she didn’t mind not going home…

“Do you think you could walk for 15 to 20 minutes in that?” he asked her, studying her reaction.

“Do you know someone nearby?” she asked hopefully. “I’m sure we can make it at least an hour! Better than building a fort in a snowbank…”

“Let me call Seiran to let him know we’re heading out…”

* * *

Kouchou smiled engagingly at the two men as she leaned comfortably back in her fetish chair.

“Really, you’d think you didn’t enjoy this. You should be smiling, you’re the most popular men in the bar at the moment!” she teased, sipping a cup of brandy through full, red lips. Her darkly painted and precisely manicured nails tapped the side of the glass from time to time, beating a slow, irregular rhythm.

“What about Ryuuki and Shuurei? They’re out in the storm, aren’t they?” asked Ensei, showing his usual concern for the young woman they all treated like family. He shifted subtly in his chair to relieve the stress certain parts of his attire were incurring on his person.

“Ah yes, they were to have dinner tonight with us, weren’t they? Did they meet up and find the restaurant all right?”

Seiran watched her feigned curiosity levelly. Then he knew.

“You set this up.”

“Did I? Really? I just thought it would be good for little Ryuuki to show a bit of initiative,” she corrected mildly, and held her glass out to the side for another refill as the waiter (waitress? wondered Seiran—it was hard to tell with the make-up) politely poured her another drink. “And he just called to say he was settling them into one of his hotels, didn’t he? My, my, darling… You taught him well, didn’t you?”

He refused to blush. Was she really insinuating his brother was following in his footsteps? If so… No, better not to follow that path of thought, he decided.

But, how had Kouchou known? He wondered briefly how long his beautiful, razor-witted fiancée had been aware of his brother’s attraction to Shuurei, and how long it had taken her to engineer this little rendez-vous between them (and timed it so exactly to the storm front’s snowfall), and felt a slight shiver on his spine. He was never, ever crossing this woman.

Loved her more than life itself, yes.

… but still, a little bit afraid of her, too.

* * *

“What a lucky break!” gushed Shuurei, gazing around their suite from their shared living room. “You know the owner of this hotel chain? Please tell them thank you so much the next time you meet!”

She unwrapped her scarf and held out her arms as Ryuuki helped her out of her coat, hanging it in the closet by the door. She glanced back at him curiously for a moment, surprised at his gentlemanly behaviour, then realized he’d been doing such little things for her all evening. Opening doors, pulling out her chair, arranging for a stay that night at the luxury hotel his ‘family friend’ owned…

“This place is very nice – please let me know how much it comes to, I’ll pay you back with my next paycheque.”

He bit back a reply of, “No need,” knowing she wouldn’t accept the generosity. So… he’d just have to ‘forget’ or ‘lose the receipt’ by the time she asked him for it. It was one of the business-class executive suites, one that was usually reserved for close family friends or when businessmen travelled for meetings, hence the living room. There were far more upscale ones in this particular hotel, but he knew she would have objected to staying in one of those… so this suited their purposes far better. And the fact the hotel itself was part of his own conglomerate (not that Shuurei knew that), well, that just ensured top level service from the staff. (Though he’d had to send Shuurei to sit in the lobby café a moment as he ‘arranged their room’ with the desk staff when they first arrived. The obvious fawning from the clerks and staff would have clued Shuurei in immediately to the situation, otherwise.)

“There are warmed robes in each of our bathrooms,” he took her through her room to show her, “and there are kettles with tea and coffee if you still need to warm up. Room service is complimentary,” (for us, he added internally), “so if you need anything during the night, don’t hesitate to let them know. Also, the staff said they’d be happy to launder our clothes for us overnight and have them ready for us in the morning.”

Shuurei just stared at him a moment, skeptically.

“And you know all this because?...”

Damnit, he’d said too much; she’d cottoned on.

“The front desk staff were very helpful.”

Still watching him for a moment, she raised an eyebrow but said nothing more.

“Breakfast will arrive around 8am. Is there anything I can do for you, before I go to my room? You look like you want to rest. You mentioned you had class in the morning… unless they’re cancelled, that is. Do they cancel university classes in bad weather?”

He was babbling, and shut up before he further embarrassed himself. He didn’t want to go; he wanted to sit with her, keep talking with her, and greedily draw her focus entirely to him. He hadn’t realized how fascinating she truly was, how intelligent, but he had a much better idea now, and was slowly coming to the conclusion that he’d like more than a simple relationship with her. He wanted more than the occasional rushed lunch or quick wave as they happened to pass each other; more than random conversation over dinner with friends; more than a ‘what if…’ look that passed between them from time to time. For now, it was a start, but he wanted to build on that with her. He wanted her to have everything she wanted, to achieve every goal she set for herself, to support her in her pursuits, and to help soften the blow if and when she fell—and he knew she would, she was just so idealistic and pragmatic, it would draw others to her to support and discourage her in equal measure, and he wanted nothing more than to banish those impediments from her path, except for the fact he knew she would resent him for his own interference. He wanted all of that for her, and he wanted to be a part of it with her. And knowing all this and what it meant, and how it might feel like he’d rushed into these conclusions but had in reality known her, been getting to know her through snatches of conversation and random encounters through his brother for months, it may have been a bit overwhelming... And he would admit, it was partly reckless, to want so much, after so little time actually spent solely in each other’s company. Was he perhaps obsessive, he wondered? To finally know someone who treated him as a person without wanting anything else from him in return (though he had a feeling his brother had not felt the need to inform her of his background, and it hadn’t come up explicitly between them yet, either…). That may change, of course, when she realized who he truly was; he would need to prepare for that eventuality. His soaring mood dampened a bit at that. From what he’d gathered from Shuurei’s disposition so far, she was from a family of scholars, formerly old money, but that had stopped pursuing knowledge for financial gain. She would figure him out soon enough, it was only a matter of time. Seiran had filled in the blanks surrounding her upbringing for him, when he’d made an occasional off-hand remark about Shuurei’s family. It seemed like she didn’t hold much regard for those of the ‘upper’ echelons of society. He hadn’t asked her outright, but there seemed to be something that had happened in the past that had soured her opinion of them. When they were just a bit more comfortable with each other, he would have to find a way to ask without giving himself away. (He had a feeling he’d be calling his brother for advice at some point in the near future…)

But she was so bright. Everything she did, she did with heart and determination. And he admired her for that. In a way, he wanted to be like her – to have that drive and boldness (even if he knew it was a pipe dream for himself in his position). Perhaps that was why he wanted to stay with her, to absorb her enthusiasm for life, her work and life ethic. But to ask for so much now from her would be ridiculous, presumptuous, avaricious; it would take time to build on their burgeoning trust, to see that trust into a warmer friendship, and then, if he was careful enough, more. She’d already shown she was comfortable with his company, to some extent, even trusting him enough to share a hotel suite with him – and he doubted he’d imagined it when she’d pulled closer to him as they vaulted over waist-high, ploughed banks of snow and ice (she’d insisted it was to keep their balance, but he didn’t think she would have blushed and nibbled at her bottom lip about keeping her balance). But he was well aware suggesting they cuddle together for warmth for the night would not go over well now that they weren’t shivering in thigh-high slush and sleet.

So much whirled through the young man’s mind as he watched Shuurei watching him thoughtfully in return. So much had been set in motion now that they had finally had an evening together, without the usual buffering from his brother or Kouchou. And now, thanks to the absence of their older ‘siblings’ and the opportunity to really start to ‘know’ the woman standing across from him, he wanted, finally, so much to start showing someone he was capable. To show her he was worth her rare, valuable time.

“I don’t have class until 10:30am tomorrow, actually,” she said finally, still watching him with a curious look. “And yes, with weather like this, the roads may be bad enough that they cancel classes for a day. Don’t you remember from your time in university?...”

“I didn’t get to go to university. I had to go to work,” to look after my father’s company, when his health failed, he thought. If he’d been born into a normal, regular family, he may have considered going to university – and if his older brothers hadn’t passed away (or vanished, in Seiran’s case), he may still have had the opportunity. But when he’d been the only one left, his choices had been revoked, his path decided.

And he hadn’t realized what his words had implied until he saw the expression on Shuurei’s face change.

“You didn’t get to… Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--. And all through tonight we were talking about my studies--.”

“It’s ok!” he rushed, and before he could think better of it, blurted out, “I was planning on talking to someone at the university and taking a few courses soon anyway, at night!”

Which wasn’t a lie, exactly, more along the lines of a half-truth; he’d be giving the class to the MBA students, not the other way around…

But it seemed to work in his favour – as Shuurei suddenly brightened enthusiastically and her mouth dropped open in happy surprise.

“I can take you around campus, if you want? Are you free on…”

And there it was once more, her generosity all over again. In spite of how busy her own schedule was, she wanted to help him so he would have the same opportunities she did.

But he told himself he wasn’t misleading her or abusing that generosity… just… accepting it and its benefits, as he smiled back at he and agreed yes, he’d love to meet up with her again…

* * *

The next day, Seiran shrugged awake in his bed – it had taken them hours to get home from the airport the night before, or more appropriately, until close to dawn that morning. He spied Kouchou slipping her cellphone back into her dressing gown pocket as she sat up in bed sipping her coffee.

The silver-haired man debated a moment whether or not to ask why she wore such a self-satisfied Cheshire grin.

Then, remembering the events of the night before, he closed his eyes and feigned sleep again.

From her position atop the pillows, the beautiful woman glanced down at him and smiled, not missing his strategic retreat.

[loverboybarnes]

for the two of you - ch. 1

GradSchool!Bucky x GradSchool!Reader

Summary: You are in your last semester of grad school, so close to finishing with your college career forever. One requirements is to take a writing class that requires interpersonal communication with your peers, and you as a Computer Science major and a single mother of a 3 year old, are not familiar with personal relationships. What happens when you’re assigned to get to know James Bucky Barnes? How will he affect you, if he does at all?

Word Count: 1,626

Warnings: none really, but maybe young mom? i’m sorry, new to this so not entirely sure please help! 

a/n: Hi! I’m new to this whole fanfiction writing and publishing but I just have so many ideas and want to try and execute them as best I could. This is my first fanfic so please don’t be so mean :( I will take constructive criticism though! I want to get better because there’s so many fic writers that I look up to! Anyways I hope you enjoy this beginning chapter :)

One semester. One semester left, you thought to yourself as you got your stuff ready for your last semester of grad school. “Come on, come on where is it?!” you whisper-yell to yourself as you ruffle through your bag looking for your apartment keys. “They’re right here” you hear your roommate and best friend, Wanda say from behind you. You turn around and sure enough you see Wanda wiggling your keys in her fingers. You smile lightly as you hurried to her and grabbed the keys “Thank you Wanda, you’re truly a lifesaver” you warmly say, turning around heading for the door, “I wish I could stay for breakfast bu-” “Yeah yeah first day of last semester of college” she says excitedly giving you a big smile. You smile back, “Dinner tonight at the restaurant down the street?” “You got it. We’ll be there, go on now get your study on” she smiles and with that you’re out the door. 

The ride to your first class of the day doesn’t take too long, you’ve mastered the subway routes and times after being in the city for the past 2 years. Luckily, your last semester isn’t a full schedule as you’ve taken multiple classes over the summer to ensure that you graduated on time. Your schedule this semester includes 3 classes in total; Human Communication in Writing 502 on Wednesdays, Cyber-Security 500 every Mondays and Wednesdays and Human Computer Interaction 415 on Mondays and Wednesday as well, the first class of your day.

Your first class goes by pretty fast, knowing all you do on first days is go over the syllabus and expectations of the class. You have a few hours before your next class but you decide not to go home just yet, as much as you want to go home, you know if you did, you would never get anything done. With a groan, you head to the nearest cafe as you cover your body with your big coat. January in New York City is the coldest time of the year and after 2 years you are yet to get accustomed to the cold weather, which you’re not typically used to and have clearly not bought enough warm clothes to give you the warmth you so desperately needed as you sped-walked down to the cafe. You arrive at the cafe and see it’s not really packed, which you’re thankful for. As you take a seat at an empty table, you grab your laptop from your bag and set it down in front of you, opening it to your class syllabus. You hoped you would be able to identify all of the classwork ahead of time and plan time for your assignments so you don’t fall behind as you already presume is going to happen. 

After going through the syllabus you bring your thoughts back to the real world and not the one you just planned around with your assignments, and notice that it’s late and you have exactly 17 minutes to get to your last class of the day. “Shit!” you mutter as you get up gathering your things and rushing out the cafe door. Not paying attention to the people around you, you bump into a big tall figure. “Oh I’m so sorry, I’m really sor-I-” you stumble on your words as you look up and see beautiful blue eyes look at your frazzled state. “It’s okay, it’s okay don’t worry about it” he smiles at you and you can’t help but feel completely vulnerable under his gaze. Why do you feel like that? You gasp quietly at the realization that he’s the first guy you’ve interacted with in a year, apart from the occasional class partners from school. “Do you need help with this?” he asks, bringing  you out of your thoughts, looking down at your messy pile of papers. “Oh no no, but thank you. I’m actually in a hurry and have to go but really, I’m sorry for bumping into you” you say and smile apologetically at him. He smiles, shaking his head, muttering something about it being no problem but you can’t make sound of it as you’re already back on your feet to rush to your class, which you’re for sure going to be late to on your first day. Great. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Your day comes to an end pretty fast after your being tardy to your class. Again, it was just going over your syllabus for the semester. You walk out of your class and look at the time on your watch and realize it’s close to time for dinner and you’re getting pretty hungry, which is very evident when you hear you stomach growl which is expected as you only ate the one croissant and hot coffee from the cafe earlier in the day. You pulled out your phone, calling Wanda as you headed towards the nearest subway station. She picked up almost instantly and greeted you with a cheerful hello. “Hey Wands, it's me, how's it going?” you asked, your heart warming up at the picture that popped in your head. “Going amazingly, having so much fun! Is everything okay?” she asked. “Yeah yeah, everythings good, I just finished class and was hoping it was okay if we grabbed an early dinner? I’m pretty hungry and wanna see you guys” you say softly. “Yeah yeah, we were actually getting pretty hungry too. Wanna meet at the restaurant?” she asked. It wasn’t long before you hung up after agreeing to meet at the restaurant, which made your stomach grumble once again at the thought of food in your system.

The ride to the restaurant seemed like it was never going to end, when in reality, you realize it only took 23 minutes to get to your destination. As you enter the restaurant, eyes wandering around looking for Wanda, you automatically smile as you hear your daughter laughing alongside Wanda. Your heart warms at the sight of her cute little smile, as you reach over and cover her tiny body with yours in a tight hug, “what is Auntie Wanda saying that is making you laugh so much huh silly girl?” you ask, laughing with her too. She instantly turns around and gives you the biggest hug, “Momma!!” she screeches into your ears, making you pull away from the hug, still having the biggest smile on your face. “Hi pretty girl, I missed you a lot today. Did you have fun with Wanda?” you asked softly pulling her chin. She smiles and nods, “We had the best day today! She let me color and we ate ice cream!” she says but immediately covers her mouth, as if she wasn’t supposed to say anything. You and your daughter look over at Wanda who has her jaw on the floor, making direct eye contact with her. “Rosemary! I cannot believe you outed me like that!” Wanda exclaims, “I’m sorry auntie it was an accident!!” Rosie yelled running over to give Wanda a hug. “It’s okay, I forgive you” she replies, giving Rosie a kiss on the head, “but lets see, will your momma forgive us?” she asks, looking at you with pleading eyes and you can’t help but laugh at the sight of your best friend and daughter. “Yes I forgive you” you laugh, waving them off as you sit down in a chair next to Rosie. “Only because I’m starving and I had a long day without you” you say as you pick up the crayon that was on Rosie’s placemat which is also a coloring page. “Me too, momma” Rosie says. “So how was your day?” Wanda questions from across the table. You look up, “it was okay. The same old same old, just going over the syllabus and getting my assignments in order for the semester, I still have one more class to go to on Wednesday.” Wanda smiles, and you know its genuine. Ever since you got to New York for grad school 2 years ago, Wanda has been the biggest supporter of you, big enough to revolve her school schedule around yours as well doing school days on days you don’t and vice versa so you guys could take turns of watching Rosie everyday without having to pay the crazy university daycare that they charge. You were extremely and beyond grateful to have Wanda, who took you in when you didn’t know you needed it. She knew that you were always there for her too, for anything and everything. Including helping her study for a mandatory computer science class she had to take, even though she hated anything that had to do with math. Luckily for her, computer science was the one thing you were best at and you were more than willing to help her pass the class, whatever it took. Whatever the case, you were there for Wanda and Wanda was there for you and it was an amazing set-up, even when things didn’t always pan out the way you expected. “Thank you Wanda, seriously” you grab her hand “I don’t know how I could have made it to my last semester of grad school without you” you smile softly. She squeezes your hand tightly, “You have no reason to thank me, you and Rosie are the best people I’ve ever met” she smiles widely. “You too” you say before letting go of her hand and grabbing the menu in front of you. “Okay let's eat, what are you gonna eat baby?” you ask Rosemary, who’s having the time of her life coloring in the big fish printed on the paper in front of her. After a long day, coming home to Rosie and having Wanda as a best friend makes you incredibly content.  

[adhdpal]

TL;DR for my fellow ADHDers, the prefrontal cortex of our brains is in charge of many complex tasks, including memory, attention, judgement, behaviour and decision making. All of this affects the way we perceive time and how long something will take us to do,we can’t pay enough attention and remember well our surroundings making it easier to get lost, and when not making spur-of-the-moment decisions we can get stuck with decision paralysis. 

Just like with emotional dysregulation, there’s a few more things that get accentuated with ADHD, and these particular 3 exist because of our biology, more specifically in the prefrontal cortex of our brains.

Here we can see three issues; problems with perception of time, sense of direction and choice making.

What’s the prefrontal cortex?

Our brains are divided in different parts, and the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is the brain cortex covering the frontal lobe, which is closest to our foreheads.

This part of the brain is, in short, a very complex and intricate machine in our heads that is responsible for monitoring memory, perception, judgment, behaviour, and other cognitive processes.

And, according to studies in imaging systems, on ADHD brains this part has a weaker activation than in neurotypical brains. This means it doesn’t work as nicely as it would for others, and that leaves us with some issues.

So, about time perception...

Have you ever heard of something called time blindness? As people get older, they develop a sense of time, so if they go out to fill out a tub it probably won’t overflow because they know how long it takes to do that. But for people with ADHD this is not true.

I’m sure some of you have seen a task that takes a week to complete and thought “yeah, there’s 3 days left, I got this!”, or have gotten overwhelmed because there’s no way you have enough time to finish up that one task… that it may take you only 3 hours.

This is not only because of how we experience time, but also a judgement issue, and as we know both of them are a responsibility of the PFC. This means we struggle to monitor how long we take to do something, and also struggle to predict how long will take us to do something.

Our emotions also play a role in this since it’s also regulated by the PFC, for example when we’re used to being late because we can’t sense time passing by, we become anxious about meetings, getting to places up to 3 hours early. When this happens, for our brains there are two thoughts, the time that will take us to get there and the negative emotions that will come if we get late. And sadly the last message is the strongest.

What about my sense of direction?

YES! This also gets affected by ADHD, why? You may ask. This happens because of poor working memory AND attention.

We all know that with ADHD we struggle controlling our attention, this is also one of the PFC’s tasks, alongside with memory. These two are important because our sense of direction completely depends on our memories of the place we’re at, and if we don’t pay enough attention to our surroundings it’s hard to form a memory of the place.

I have a personal example, when I was in school I took the subway and bus on my way back home, it took all I had to pay enough attention to the streets through the window to learn the way so I could stop using my GPS to know where my stop was. After some months of practice, I finally managed to remember the streets. A win for me! … Or so I thought, because next year the store that was my reference to get up and press the button to get off changed their design and I completely missed it.

Luckily I got off the bus only 2 stops after mine (luckily because… it has been worse).

It’s important to make a distinction here though. When it’s only ADHD, we get lost for not paying attention and not remembering places, but there’s other conditions that could impair our sense of direction, like dyslexia (makes you confuse left and right) or dyspraxia (affects physical coordination).

And finally! Indecisiveness

We’re almost there! I commend you for getting this far!

Our last point to cover now is indecisiveness, as we said before, the PFC is in charge of judgement, behaviour and decision-making, and when they don’t work well, it’s hard to make decisions.

Just as we can impulsively make decisions or choose something without much thinking (thanks to our PFC not regulating well our behaviour), we can go the other way around and get stuck trying to choose something.

Will the chocolate milk be better for this cookie than plain milk? But what if I get chocochip cookies instead of vanilla cookies? But is this brand better than that brand? When we find there’s a lot of options and there’s not really enough pressure to get high on adrenaline while making a fast choice, sometimes we get “decision paralysis”. We keep on thinking and never make a choice because of the overflowing information.

You did it! Thank you for reading! And remember, I’m not a medical professional, I just have ADHD and love to read on it.

Sources

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2894421/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2738354/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4830363/  https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-brain-prefrontal-cortex-attention-emotions/ https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/livingwithadultadhd/2017/10/is-your-poor-sense-of-direction-a-symptom-of-adhd

[yathinkbruh]

[7/2/2012 11:57:28 PM] Stephen: went to a 88 jiuba with some chinese friends, guy i met on weixin invited me. we went to some place in luohu which is right next to hongkong, that ***** didnt give me directions so i wandered the streets for 30 minutes until a taxi drivery finally directed me to the right place. had to pay fucking 200 kuai for the table we got, couldnt get in at first cuz they said i was wearing flipflops that werent allowed for dress code. i put on some size 3 chinese converse ripoffs and walked in with half of my foot sticking out like i didnt give a fuck, was k and then changed back to flipflops. drank this delicious juice and whiskey or something blend, could drink that shit all day which we pretty much did, not a lot of alcohol so we probly drank glasses each. the club was fuckin huge, had epic video screens with victoria secret runaway cameos going on along with music videos to the trash top 40 they like to play here. chiense people all stood around at the tables waiting for their friend to arrive. even though its a bar no one actually looks for others to mingle with and instead sticks to their friend circle only. i went around the bar trying to find a girl to coem to our table to drink with us but her guardian guy friend w/e was too jealous and butthurt so he gave me a hand motion to go away..lul. we played dice game a fuckton, for the first hour it was just 3 guys derping in the club looking around like fools. eventually their female friends came but not girlfriends, some randmo hoes who just came and went after playing some drinking games with us. didnt really make sense. i was asking one of the girls if she was having fun why she wanted to come to the bar if they were just going to stand around, shes like im just bored i guess. truth be told no one really dances there or does anything, they just personify awkwardness as they look around trying to make new acquaintances but its ultimlately impossible since they cling to their circle of friends. the employees at this bar were really fun & friendly and danced more than the guests. in the bathroom this guy tried to give me a stick of gum while iw as peeing and then led me around at the end demanding a tip. i gave him 5 kuai for the lulz. i made eye contact multiple times with one of the better looking girls in the club (probably late 20s), most were fugly and it was like 70/30 m/f...but she was with several other friends making it impossible for her to leave them and actually talk to me. i left after 1 cuz i have work tomorrow at 830

[7/2/2012 11:57:47 PM] Stephen: and this place was super chinese

no foreigners and every1 was speaking some trash dialect

including the guy i was with, fucking impossible to understand

he didnt slow down at all

[7/2/2012 11:58:06 PM] Stephen: i might as well have been at the train station

such a cluster

the club was so legit

live singers every half hour

good sound system

girl pretending to dj on the side

weith some beats headphones

chinese djs at these clubs are good

the people who go there are riffraff though

[7/2/2012 11:58:23 PM] Stephen: i was going along at the beginning just to be nice/ thought it would be an adventure to hang out w/ random guy

i was sitting on subway

he looking at me

i was sitting

as soon as seat opens he sits his fat ass next to me

starts talking like hey where you from what you doing in china

so hes this random businessman from dubai who's lonely and comes here a lot to the exhibition center

he has no friends or family

hes kind of awkward and creepy

but i have nothing better to do

 21 hours agoStephen Brownlee

and hes the same, finished for the day

so im like k ill go eat w you

maybe you're just lonely like i was today

i had to go exploring alone cuz no1 would hang out

(got a lot of weixin contacts that way though)

anyway we go to restaurant

hes kind of picky, has zero understanding of china, still kind of weird

we talk about general stuff

eat at a muslim restaurant

lol

he takes forever finding it

when i could have found it..

w/e

we took a taxi there

anyway hes just a fuckup in general and you wonder what hes doing in china

then he says some legitimate stuff about its hard to find true friends in china

every1 just wants money from you

and im like yeah i know that feel bro

so i sort of think maybe he just feeling really down cuz he has no friends

then we leave the restaurant and hes like where to go now

i told him i wanted to explore the city and hes like im tired

need to rest

then wanted to go to a hotel with him

also when we walked he would lead my with his arm awkwardly

he was like we can go back and rest, get a hotel

im like ...

his english is shit

so eventually he mades some super roundabout attempt at giving me a straight request

we just go to hotel herherher

this guy was middle aged and fat

anyway hes like i want to kiss your eyes

creepy motherfucker

messages not sending

then im like the fuck breh

oh before he was like

like what hes looking for

hes like haha just joking

im like uhh...

then hes like you arent gay

im like what the fuck are you even saying breh

lol

ok now no messages are sending

what the fuck

sorry idk how much you saw

anyway before he was like we believe meeting someone is part of gods plan

me meeting you today

god planned that to happen

lul...

k breh

anyway i was looking for an escape

at one point he was gonna get a taxi for us and i started walking in the other direction

waved as i left

he didnt follow

thank god

so i got the fuck out of there

like what hes looking for

me meeting you today

im like uhh...

what the fuck

messages not sending

[7/2/2012 11:58:39 PM] Stephen: hes like haha just joking

then hes like you arent gay

im like what the fuck are you even saying breh

lol

ok now no messages are sending

sorry idk how much you saw

anyway before he was like we believe meeting someone is part of gods plan

oh before he was like

then im like the fuck breh

creepy motherfucker

[7/2/2012 11:58:53 PM] Stephen: we just go to hotel herherher

waved as i left

he didnt follow

at one point he was gonna get a taxi for us and i started walking in the other direction

anyway i was looking for an escape

k breh

this guy was middle aged and fat

creepy motherfucker

then im like the fuck breh

[7/2/2012 11:59:13 PM] Stephen: anyway

as soon as he was out of sight

i ran

lol

and got on the first bus i saw

oh man

but then my roommates was like

awww you shoulda gotten his contact info

im looking for rich guys from dubai

can get a lot of money of them

lol

i gave him my fone #

at the start

we'll see...

he might give up

he complains about being alone but the whole time i was thinking yeah who would want to be with you you creepy fuck

i was feeling very down today cuz unable to find friends to hang out with all weekend

so i felt a little empathy

alright thats pretty much it

[headfullofstories]

Truly Monstrous Luck - part 2

I wake up in a new room, and the first thing I notice is that my binder is off. Fuck. I bolt upright and bring my arms up to cover my chest. Oh no, oh no no no no no. If someone had to take it off of me, then… someone saw my body. I throw up a little bit in my mouth at the thought.

I look around the room I'm in. I'm on a cot, and… oh god, there're my tits. I curl my knees up to block them from sight, and continue to survey my surroundings. The room as a few more cots scattered about, most of them empty. There's a desk at the end of the room, currently occupied by a girl who looks a little older than me, skin the color of volcanic glass - a sort of deep blackish purple, covered in white freckles that look like stars. Her lavender hair is tied up into a bun, and she's wearing a denim jacket. Fuck, she's pretty.

She looks up at me suddenly, corneas jet black and irises a startling silver. If I was still alive I’d probably have a ridiculous blush all across my face right now.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” She lets out a sigh of relief. “Yvonne was freaking out when you collapsed, thought she pushed you too hard with that walk, which was… kind of the case, but c’mon dude, you had to know this was gonna happen if you kept this thing on.” She holds up my ratty old Underworks binder, stretched and worn from years of constant use. I’m not quite sure the last time I took that thing off, whether it was last night or the day before, but my ribs are sore as hell now.

“There’s a recommended maximum time to wear these for a reason, y’know.” She sighs, dropping it onto the desk and picking up a walkie talkie. “Yvonne?” She asks into the radio, “your kid’s awake.”

A few moments later Yvonne runs through the doorway at the far side of the room near the desk, looks around the room for a moment and sees me.

“Oh thank god.” She sighs, walking up to me. “Camilla said it was probably nothing to worry about, but… I didn’t wanna cause you more grief today.”

“You gonna adopt every single fledgling you find, Yvonne?” The girl at the desk grumbles, looking down at her phone. “That’s… five now, right? Over the past 15 years? You should introduce New Kid to the others.”

“Well, none of my other 4 have left, which is a lot more than can be said for a lot of people here.” Yvonne reasons, before turning back to me. “I’m sorry that we had to take the binder off, Victor, but you’re not supposed to sleep with it on. Or do strenuous activity, which is on me, but you really should follow the doctor’s recommendations on these things.”

“I know, but… it’s… too much, sometimes, not to wear it.” I reply cautiously, doing my best to use the right words. “I get sensory overload really easily, and looking at my body makes it… a lot worse, most of the time. Being on T has helped with a lot of the visual dysphoria, but until I get surgery I’m gonna risk it with the long hours.”

The girl at the desk grumbles something under her breath, then picks up her walkie talkie again and mutters something into the speaker. Yvonne looks saddened by this and mutters something about the healthcare system in this country, but doesn’t object outright. After a few minutes Arthur walks into the room, exchanges a few brief words with the girl at the desk, then walks over to me and stands next to where Yvonne is sitting. He sighs and squeezes his eyes shut for a moment.

“Hey kid, what are your thoughts on top surgery?” He asks, sounding a little fed up. “Because what happened today can’t happen again, and if you fuck up your ribs there’s only so much vampiric healing can fix, and you’re gonna have a bitch of an afterlife.”

My vision goes double for a moment as I try to process what I just heard. “T-top surgery?”

“We have contacts at this practice out on Long Island, some people who are… specially equipped to handle people like us.” He elaborates, “We’ll cover all of the medical expenses, so you won’t have to worry about selling your fucking soul to the american healthcare system.”

Against my better judgement, I start sobbing. Arthur looks confused and Yvonne looks worried.

“Hey kid, you good?” Arthur inquires cautiously.

“I'm really sorry,” I manage to blubber out between hiccups, “but… th-that’s the closest thing to good news I’ve had in m-m-months.”

He nods. “I had bad luck when I was your age, too. Broke a rib wearing ace bandages when i was 19, couldn't bind for a year and damn near killed myself. In a fucked up way, dying was the best thing to happen to me.”

I look up at him, wipe my tears out of my eyes, and calm down a little. “You-you’re trans?”

He flashes a demonic looking smile, all teeth and a bit of pride, and lifts up his shirt to flash twin scars sprawling across his chest.

"Came out at the Stonewall Riots when I was 18 years old." He explains, still smiling wide and wild. “Year and a half before I was turned; when that happened I was a little younger than you, I think.”

I look at him in awe. “I’ve never met a trans person that was so much older than me.”

“For real?” He snorts, crossing his arms. “I should introduce you to Liz, then. 600 years old, turned when she was 14, didn't start transitioning until she was 87. I think she came over here on a Spanish Galleon, I'm pretty sure she originally made landfall in Guatemala..."

"Art, I know you're trying to focus, but you keep getting off topic." The girl at the desk yells over.

"Thank you Camilla, I realize that." He growls at the girl. Oh, so she's the Camilla person Yvonne mentioned. "Shit, did I forget to take my adderall again?”

I suddenly realize I don’t know where my backpack is. Oh fuck no, that thing has everything I own in it - my T, my journal, my charger, my spare clothes…

"Where's my backpack?" I ask Yvonne, panicked. I can feel my leg start involuntarily bouncing. “I need it, it has everything I have in it…”

Yvonne leans down and reaches under the cot I’m on and pulls out my ratty jansport, setting it down on my lap. I cling to it for dear life. It’s too late to stop the shaking, but at least it’s not gonna get any worse.

I see Yvonne go to rest her hand on my shoulder, but Arthur grabs her wrist and mutters something in her ear. My vision goes out of focus again as I try to calm myself down.

After a few minutes the shaking stops and I look up at the two now even more worried adults in front of me.

"Sorry…" I mutter, looking at my feet. "I… I need to know where this thing is or I… lose it, a little. It's really stupid, I don't know why it happens, it's super overreactive… my teachers all thought I just wanted attention in school."

“They…” Arthur starts, then hisses something unintelligible before looking at me in the eyes. The eye contact makes me a little nervous, but I do my best to hold it. “You’re not looking for attention if you have big emotions. That’s bullshit.”

I look down at my hands now, pulling at my joints and popping my knuckles. “My parents always said I’m broken and my brother thinks it’s something I can manage. I love my brother, but it’s… hard to get him to understand.”

He nods a little, then looks over at Camilla. “Can you check when Boris is open next?” He shouts over, to which Camilla gives a thumbs up. He turns his attention back to me, and shoots me a quick finger gun. “You need a new bus card, right? And you were going to your brother’s house when you got attacked, did you call him when you were heading over?”

I shake my head. “He was at work when I was heading over, and I have a key to his apartment so I was just gonna head over and wait for him.”

“Do you feel comfortable staying here for the night?”

"I think… that'll be better than going to my brother's house. I’m not sure if I can deal with the subway yet…”

He nods, mutters something to Yvonne, then heads out. Yvonne stretches out her hand, a silent invitation to get up and follow her. I take it after a moment of consideration, suddenly overwhelmingly nervous about my entire situation. What if these people are bad? What if they want to use me? I consider running, but after a moment I start thinking logically again. At the very least, Yvonne and Arthur are good. That’s enough for right now.

I grab my binder from Camilla on the way out, her silver eyes piercing my very soul, a silent warning to bind properly. I put the binder in my backpack, and throw the bag over my shoulder.

Yvonne guides me through ancient looking halls, lined with candelabras fitted with dim mercury light bulbs. I pull out my phone to check the time - 1:34PM. Shit, the day’s still only halfway done. I try to read Yvonne’s expression as we walk, but all I see is worry. No indication of where we might be going or what Arthur was whispering to her about.

Some people look at us as we walk by - some stare for a moment, but mostly they just glance briefly then look away. I keep as close as I can to Yvonne, and eventually we stop in front of a big pair of wooden doors.

“This is the common room,” she explains, gesturing towards the doors. “It has the best wifi in the building, it also has public computers, some books, board games… the works. I’ll leave you here, but feel free to explore around. There are signs at most of the intersecting hallways, so it’s not too hard to get lost around here, but most people will be willing to give you directions if you get turned around. You good with that, Victor?”

I give her a thumbs up, and hang outside of the common room until she disappears down the hallway. I debate going inside for a moment, but decide against it. There’s probably people in there, and people means social interaction. It means people seeing me without my binder on. I subconsciously start hitting the heels of my hands together as I debate what to do from here before deciding to head further down the hallway, away from where Yvonne and I came from. I cross my arms in an attempt to hide my chest, which is a little counterintuitive since it's probably just drawing more attention to that area.

I walk around for a few minutes without really seeing anybody, and after a little while I start to zone out, looking at the ironwork on the candelabras instead of where I’m walking, when I bump into someone. I yelp and jump back out of instinct, and the other person falls to the ground.

“I-I’m sorry!” I squeak as I start to fiddle with my backpack straps. “I didn’t see you!”

The person I knocked down, a boy with black hair and dark brown eyes, growls at me as he stands back up, “Who the fuck are you?”

“Um, m-m-my name’s Victor.” I respond, on the verge of tears.

“Alright, Victor, what the fuck are you? What are you doing here?” As soon as he’s fully upright he starts examining every detail of my face, and I realize that my mouth is still slightly open, so I slap a hand over it to cover my fangs.

“Oh, you’re a vamp.” He grumbles. “Were you one of those assholes who sells their blood to rogues, one of em went too far, threw you out?”

Suddenly I’m crying again. Three times in one day, what the hell? I start scratching my arms to try and counteract it. I try my best to look even smaller.

“Wh- oh fuck, don’t cry! I… fuck, I’m such a dumbass!” He hits his head a couple times. “Look, I’m really sorry, I have really bad impulse control issues, that was just the first thing that came to mind. Uh…”

It takes all of my willpower, but I manage to stop crying, only thing now the stimming is worse. I start hitting the heels of my hands together and tapping my left foot uncontrollably. “Um… thanks for the apology. Most of the time when I start crying I just get yelled at even worse.”

He looks at me, mild horror on his face, which I’m not quite sure if it’s from what he said earlier or what I said just now. “That’s fucked up.” He mutters, then he outstretches his hand. “I’m Adrian. Again, so sorry about what I said, I do not know what came over me. You’ve probably had a really rough day, huh?”

I take his hand after a brief moment of hesitation. His grip is really strong, I think normally I would be a little hurt by it but now it just feels like a very firm grip… wait, can I still be anemic if I'm a vampire?

"Um, yeah." I laugh a little, slightly intimidated by this guy. I'm automatically a little scared of anyone who makes me cry, but… I don't know. "It was kind of a shitty day before, but then with the… getting jumped and everything, and my life kind of being over, it's just been a whole lot worse."

"God, I'm an asshole." He says, a forced grin plastered to his face. "I completely understand if you never want to interact with me again."

"I'll think on that." I respond as I bring my arms back across my chest and start to focus on the wall right next to his head. "Uh, nice to meet you? Kind of?"

"Um, likewise." He responds as he shoves his hands in his pockets and walks off quickly. That was... weird.

[sirjustice278-blog]

What we Know not

When hurl urine mixed with water around ya house gets you off ya house as u don,t want to be in ya house a gimmick many use and equally many knows not, if u want good spirit u pour the same along the estate or town roads as it eliminates rudeness and breeds love among youths.

Kiira city ride bus is charcoal inserted in sewer water or dough as hay or chaff where cold sewer water in a syringe is hurled or u spit saliva and boom its formed.

KCQ 520 W lorry is Japanese brand but Ugandan made only the hind part of the engine is Japanese yet sell at the same price of 1 shipped making abnormal profits and u tell the Japanese to take heed yet they still play dice injuring their customers much as Negros have learnt the same as kebi told them along time even Nigeria with Scania somehow fake buses like of Kisumu Boys Kenya high school where the original was changed with that and the official shared the loot. As its a half price of the original, so half the original price its ya loot. Unscrupulous business deals promise to women if all goes sour. As in the link below and even many brand of phones, open shops dude or online shopping to save the world a big time

https://isuzu.com.au/truck-range/f-series/

Coffee drink periodic drinking is the answer or remedy to the people who wants to cut ya hurt to kill u using the pour down invincible land like mechanism described below.

When u explain the Athens truth laid down, kinda, u come to see the surrounding lands of Kisumu which were earlier going to be submerged uplifted as a block or plate.

Now they are saying they are Germans, cause the never wanted Germans who were polish blooded left to seek asylum in the USA and same most Germans wants to get to the USA by creating another war, so the kikuyu likes wants to be apart of it as well as Chinese got that blood thinking if u live in USA u make original gadgets which aint the case as i have told them how such are made and they have made those original gadgets and at-least have relented to stay in their nation. The German trick is to get to Canada via holes on earth crust or Electric drones to sell wheat to other nations using the same technology mentioned above and even overseas. Another, kinda, they don’t get tired in their things to convince other richest nations they can work 4 them with little pay not as other tribes men who get fed up fast but machines like grass cutter, dish washer, vegetable and fruit peeler or chapati, mandazi cooker has gotten them off guard as now we don’t look 4 that trait but just respect cause machine can take care of that and with working in Military or security officers electric drones, wireless cameras and sensor lights have gotten them off-guard as only few people can monitor crime on screens as opposed to previous ways of recruiting en-mass. As well as working in companies such as Cole-man, the making of cooler in boom process as well have gotten them off-guard to be left with empty words.

Never behave in a bad situation u r in to that person as good yet you are there, stop the habit of wanting wealth overnight from other people wanting to bring the lazy with u, either we will be wild or will leave hustling altogether if their is aint a solution to that. Got it women!!!!

In supermarkets abroad grown ground nuts are grown, so u buy if u want to make oil with it that has no artificial 1 mixed with it as it has side effects we know not, so the chain store has the oil extractor machine where u pay once u got ya bottle to store ya oil or u don’t pay if u don’t want the peanut butter and more with other foods. Mostly this is to people who lacks the oil extractor machine in their homes. We got not 4 in 1 but of 2 types, both hand operated as manual and Electric 1, so the choice yours.

http://cndengshang.sell.everychina.com/p-104783865-screw-oil-extractor-for-household-use.html

https://www.google.com/search?q=china+oil+etractor+for+households+images&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=_phMvCWi9CJipM%252CrS_vfQ04_EiyIM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kTwELFqalIiQVsa4MvQqgUZvykNDw&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjDnNf4_KjqAhWzD2MBHRGxDhwQ9QEwA3oECAcQCw&biw=1024&bih=657

Bubble gum are made with boiled maize from Illinois that if u eat has the effect of a bubble gum and that’s another resource 4 Illinois as it utility. Where the same type of maize as in the former case place in cuddle milk or yoghurt and gives us a product with less side-effects not much as samples of already made ones place in the same above or cold water and in the boom process forms much.

Knock and it shall be open unto u and seek and u shall find biblical phrase guided me to finish the world with Norway Gas how its made, send the same to Italy, Serbia as well, pesa how its made to be eliminated, send t Siberia, Rasingwa talk like insane, like fucking in ya talks and u shall make it if u did not know dude as many spend much of their time unearthing the truths of that verse yet it lies helplessly with kebi. Most stiff people on earth and don’t want others to control them are of Serbia blooded and detectives looks 4 that which draws them back. Seek and u shall find, lovbe fast foods as USA will bring their fast foods here and they are rich in the main thing serve which is irish potato products French fries, using the E-drones or airplanes to shift them to like Africa not as earlier debated will be futile as the potato price carried is less than the jet fuel used. So guys stop ya madness and see the truths as Electric airplanes with tourists and cargo is 100% profit return as its as well no fuel consuming as above. Click the links below 4 more

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20180814-norways-plan-for-a-fleet-of-electric-planes

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/may/27/worlds-largest-all-electric-aircraft-set-for-first-flight

https://www.pulse.com.gh/bi/tech/nasa-has-developed-an-experimental-fully-electric-plane-with-14-motors-on-its-wings/hf38bmb

https://www.innevation.com/boeing-unveils-autonomous-electric-cargo-drone-prototype/

China made sensor lights for ya security door or window as it sounds the alarm to let u know prior of any intruder.

https://www.google.com/search?source=univ&tbm=isch&q=china+door+sensor+lights+images&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiIhM38_6jqAhVR6uAKHeJEAlQQsAR6BAgIEAE&biw=1024&bih=657

https://detail.en.china.cn/provide/p158717338.html

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.led-sticks.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2017%2F03%2FMotion-Sensor-Flashing-LED-Shoe-Lace-Light-10.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.led-sticks.com%2Fmotion-sensor-mini-led-flashing-shoe-light-led-shoe-lace-light%2F&tbnid=H4Ad3J-MGHWEpM&vet=12ahUKEwi1pOPhgKnqAhUOVhoKHYGiC18QMygQegUIARC8AQ..i&docid=Wv3mhACHYBTd6M&w=600&h=600&q=china%20blinking%20%20sensor%20lights%20images&ved=2ahUKEwi1pOPhgKnqAhUOVhoKHYGiC18QMygQegUIARC8AQ

https://www.jumia.co.ke/outdoor-lighting/?q=Motion+Sensor+Mini+LED+Flashing

In the above link instead of bulb can be placed with an alarm system, so if it sense a motion sound the alarm dude and that’s your security 4 ya window or door.

Illinois white got Egyptian blood,via st Lawrence sea way they sell their produce if all goes bad with USA and now we got E-cargo droned that makes the subway above futile as now they relent dude from their stiffness. Trade of cotton, sugar to be considered 1st much as sell to other states as large market 4 their maize products produce like flakes and flour. That is the Gimmick dude

with cardboards u place outer peel of pineapple or sugar cane in hay or sewer water and boom its formed and even placing cabbage 4 roads, buildings and bridges.

With airplane with thorn u can hurl with cut pieces of sweet potato or crushed juice of ripe yellow seldom apple seed.Yesus or with ododo vegetable seed.

Athens a city built on the hill can never be hidden at we to it at judgement day as we got dreger to dig from above, like they can sicnk many holles in houses using the same 4 magma to come out to kill people to harbor the truth above as it was hell along time when green man was still on earth, so we can use the 1 which can dig from outer crust to let the magma out to create avoid with the land that Athens is built. Sheep and goat parable, my voice another version to bring us home. When hurled in hell u burn 4 1 week b4 u transform into magma not as earlier perceived dude and destroyed completely better that dude than go and stand daily in heaven singing b4 being brought back to earth as incarnation. When the earth is over those taken to heaven will be brought back to earth to start again a new world of Adam and even and it will be that way and that way 4 eternity dude. Weed parable with Christ to cement the truth.

How to know a Nigerian, when close to ya, kinda, ya inner bones thins and fear engulf ya and most Hindu and Tz people got that gene esp ya leg bones.

When 1 is saddened by 1 death if u imagine and merge their faces in ya thinking, kinda, u see the above explained effect on him as his body to u in ya mind shappens as becomes straight and detective knows it that way, so don’t point figures dude.

When 1 is to kill 1 or plan, to the 1 to be killed u see a black pool of blood, even when u had killed them, so do the same and get the 1 who killed ya loved 1, stop pointing figures and sometimes Visas are granted that way not by gossips and malicious plots on people to block their progress dude

Chewing bubble gum 10% of that stereo or computer r tv when cut photo of the machine or a small sample f spare parts placed into it gives one of the best quality of electric machine synonymous with Japanese or German equipments, try dude.

USA makes money out of visa fee and medical fee when still in ya parent nation and cold flue vaccination upon ya reach to the airport, also u countries charge the same to be per don’t be gotten in complaints headed nowhere dude. And Connecting flights once u have reach the states to ya preferred city, those international flights having connecting flights pay the home owned once like delta and so forth so on as in the link below as well google international flight schedule like emirates or Qatar and see how they connect, 1 way usa get money

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_airlines_of_the_United_States

https://www.qatarairways.com/en-ke/homepage.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwNbEiKCn6gIVBcqyCh1-CANwEAAYASAAEgLcM_D_BwE&s_kwcid=AL!3739!3!340577866224!p!!g!!qatar%20airways&ef_id=EAIaIQobChMIwNbEiKCn6gIVBcqyCh1-CANwEAAYASAAEgLcM_D_BwE:G:s

https://www.emirates.com/ke/english/destinations_offers/book-online/book-online.aspx

USA also to those people/tourist upon reaching the airport take a cab as taxi owned by an entity giving the city money as city taxi, monies gotten from hotels/motels the tourists will sleep at and on rented houses just built 4 tourists not wanting hotels as much when in groups their are vans and buses 4 the city doing that job giving the city money, so if u dont fathom the above truths then u r insane or very poor as poverty has destroyed ya brainso should be taken to a foster home 4 the handicapped. As in the link below

https://www.google.com/search?source=univ&tbm=isch&q=images+of+ny+taxis&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi148vvo6fqAhVRxhoKHfaWCbYQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1269&bih=895

https://www.google.com/search?q=images+of+ny+van+taxis&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjH1NLwo6fqAhVH2xoKHX8pBmMQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=images+of+ny+van+taxis&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQA1D_8QJYiPgCYPb-AmgAcAB4AIAB9AGIAbQHkgEDMi00mAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWc&sclient=img&ei=wgD6XsfrEce2a__SmJgG&bih=895&biw=1269

Netherland soil can be screwed up during snowy periods when dredger technology digging from below is used so as production be little and with any land that harbors much crops as per the enemy dude, so take heed bro.

Some people, most preferably Hindu blooded when u surpass their ways, kinda, from their hands u see them holding like a can pouring sand on the ground, to annihilate ya if u persist with that heart of not wanting them, so take heed dude of people most black in color meeting u and rude to ya like greeting ya every now and then. Wanna kill u as mostly they ambush that meeting in shopping places or at the corner as they know ya moves.

[brainpickings]

Updating Some Fascist Bullshit on the Trump Pandemic

The following timeline has been posted on several fascist website as proof that Trump has been doing a good job in protecting America from the Trump Pandemic or COVID19. By my account and research I believe that 54% of it is false or misleading. So I went though it and added some key missing information. The original postings have the American date stamps and my research and comments are in italics and European date stamps

Here is the factual timeline for the Trump administration's handling of COVID-19. Might want to keep this handy...

Dec 31: China announces they are investigating a “pneumonia outbreak” in Wuhan

1 January 20 – CDC to check flights from Wuhan to downplay SARS rumors

3 January 20 – CDC is alerted to the Wuhan pneumonia

3 January 20 – Trump learns about COVID19 from intelligence officials

3 January 20 – Trump holds a rally in Miami

4 January 20 – Trump plays golf

4 January 20 – WHO reports on social media that there is a cluster of pneumonia cases with no deaths in Wuhan

5 January 20 – WHO publishes a technical paper on what China has reported about the cluster

5 January 20 – WHO begins to monitor the outbreak

5 January 20 – Trump plays golf

6 January 20 – WHO reports that China tells them there is no evidence of human to human transmission and that SARS is not virus

Jan 6: CDC issues travel advisory for Wuhan. (this is wrong it was a travel NOTICE) (There is a difference between a notice and an official advisory.)

Jan 7: CDC established an Incident Management System (just 7 days later) (The CDC can do this without a president telling them to)

8 January 20 – CDC issues an official health advisory about COVID-19

9 January 20 – Trump goes to rally

10 January 20 - Former Trump Homeland Security Advisor Tom Bossert warns that we shouldn’t “jerk around with ego politics” because “we face a global health threat…Coordinate!”

Jan 11: CDC tweets about corona related “pneumonia outbreak in China” Jan 14: WHO Tells Everyone Don’t Worry Because China Says Coronavirus is NOT Contagious (This is false WHO warns that this new virus could spread and warns hospitals worldwide.)

14 January 20 – Trump goes to a rally Jan 17: CDC sent 100+ staffers to specific US airports to screen travelers who have been in Wuhan (only to three airports in NY & CA)

18 January 20 - After two weeks of attempts, HHS Secretary Alex Azar finally gets the chance to speak to Trump about the virus. The president redirects the conversation to vaping.

18 January 20 – Trump plays golf

19 January 20 – Trump plays golf

19 January 20 – first US case is confirmed Jan 21: CDC activated its Emergency Operations Center (just 3 weeks later) Jan 21: First case in US for someone who traveled directly from Wuhan.

21 January 20 – China confirms human to human transmission of Wuhan virus, WHO announces emergency meeting.

21 January 20 - Dr. Nancy Messonnier, the director of the National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Disease at the CDC tells reporters, “We do expect additional cases in the United States.”

22 January 20 – a reporter asks if there are “worries about a pandemic” Trump’s response; “No. Not at all. And we have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China, and we have it under control. It’s – going to be just fine.”

22/23 January 20 – WHO Emergency Committee tries to “assess whether the outbreak constituted an” international “public health emergency. Independent members from around the world could not reach a consensus based upon the evidence available at the time.” Jan 23: WHO again says NO human to human transmission outside of China. (Completely false, see January 21 statement)

24 January 20 – Trump tweet: China has been working very hard to contain the Coronavirus. The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency. It will all work out will. In particular, on behalf of the American People, I want to thank President Xi! Jan 27: WHO raises alert level but is still saying China has it contained. (No creditable sources for this statement, no major newspapers or the WHO timeline carry this statement however at least six fascist websites carry this statement)

27 January 20 - Top White House aides meet with Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney to encourage greater focus on the threat from the virus. Joe Grogan, head of the White House Domestic Policy Council warns that “dealing with the virus was likely to dominate life in the United States for many months.”

28 January 20 – Trump goes to a rally Jan 29: President established Presidential Task Force--BEFORE THE THING EVEN HAD A NAME (It has a name, see trump tweet on January 24, what it does not have is an official scientific name because science takes time.) Jan 30: State Dept issued a Do Not Travel warning to China. (still less than ONE month after initial announcement from China). Jan 30: WHO announced the Coronavirus is a public health emergency of international global concern. In short, BEFORE the WHO even announced its “global concern,” the administration was working on his response for almost a month, and had already established a Presidential task force.

30 January 20 – Trump goes to a rally in Iowa saying; “We think we have it very well under control. We have very little problem in this country at this moment – five…we think it’s going to have a very good ending for it.” 31 January 20 – Trump issues his Proclamation on Suspension of Entry as Immigrants and Nonimmigrants of Persons who Pose a Risk of Transmitting 2019 Novel Coronavirus Jan. 31: To the left's cries of “RACISM!”, the President proactively suspended entry of foreign nationals who’d been to China in the last 14 days. (The proclamation does not apply to, lawful permanent residents, alien spouses, alien parents, alien children, any alien traveling as a nonimmigrant, or any alien coming at the request of the government, therefore only Chinese citizens coming to visit America will be restricted. So yeah, it’s a bit racist because it doesn’t quarantine everyone who needs to be quarantined.) Jan. 31: The president issued quarantines, and through Secretary Azar, declared a public health emergency for the entire nation.

1 February 20 – Trump plays golf 2 February 20 – Trump tells Fox News host Sean Hannity, “We pretty much shut it down coming in from China.” Feb 4: President Trump talks about coronavirus in his State of the Union address; Pelosi rips up every page. (I read the speech twice and never saw one mention of the virus.) Feb 5: The Senate votes to acquit President Trump on both articles of impeachment, 52-48 and 53-47. (I thought this was supposed to be a Trump/COVID19 timeline) Feb 5: House Democrats FINALLY take up coronavirus in the House Foreign Affairs Subcommittee on Asia.

5 February 20 – Democratic Senators propose emergency funding bill  to prepare for the virus, Trump’s administration says no thanks. Feb 5: Chuck Schumer in a tweet continues to call Trumps’ travel ban from China “premature.” Feb 5: Democrats, media, Biden calls Trump xenophobic over reacting racist starting war on immigrants, fear mongering

7 February 20 – Trump praises Pres. Xi response to the virus and predicts that China will stop the outbreak. Feb 7th Both Pelosi and Deblasio calls Trump racist for ban, encourages people to go to Chinatown, use subway, and go to concerts. Feb 7: White House’s Coronavirus Task Force gives press briefing. Feb 9: White House Coronavirus Task Force meets with all governors regarding virus.

10 February 20 – Trump goes to a rally Feb 11: WHO named the virus COVID-19. LET THAT SINK IN.(One more time for those on the short bus, science takes time, a virus knocks on the door and then science checks it, double checks it, triple checks it and then tells the world. Then the world starts checking it and until a international consensus is reached it doesn’t get named.)

The Trump administration’s first response --- a week after the initial announcement---was when the virus had NOT even been named by the World Health Organization yet. It was NOT named until Day 42.  Meanwhile, the CDC, NIH, FEMA, FDA, HHS, the DOD, and All the agencies of OUR scientific community have already been working feverishly to sequence the RNA of the virus to get its proteins, its messenger RNA sequenced, and get a vaccine going. Feb 12: CDC waiting for approval from Chinese for CDC team to travel to China... China says No (Gee I wonder why? Could it be because Trump has been extremely critical of China multiple times? For no reason other than political gain.) Feb 12: HHS announces partnership to develop vaccine.

14 February 20 – Trump tells the Border Patrol Council; "We have a very small number of people in the country, right now, with it. It’s like around 12. Many of them are getting better. Some are fully recovered already. So we’re in very good shape."

15 February 20 – Trump plays golf

19 February 20 – Trump goes to a rally says “it’s going to work out fine”

20 February 20 – Trumps goes to a rally in Colorado Springs Feb 21: Italy identifies its very first case in their country. (wrong just wrong, Italy confirms its first death on this day) Feb 21: CDC tweets that it is working with States for preparedness. (correct)

21 February 20 – Trump goes to a rally Feb 24: Trump sent letter to Congress asking for $25B for virus effort. (wrong, the request was for $1.25B) Feb 24: Nancy Pelosi made a stop in Chinatown and encouraged people to “please come and visit and enjoy Chinatown.”(At this point, so fucking what, there is no national stay at home order & San Francisco won’t issue such an order until March 16th.) Feb. 24: The President unveiled the initial plan. (Redundant read the second statement up)

24 February 20 – Trump tweets: The Coronavirus is very much under control in the USA. We are in contact with everyone and all relevant countries. CDC & World Health have been working hard and very smart. Stock Market starting to look very good to me! Feb 25: There is still no reported community spread in the US!!! (Per CDC tweet.) 

(The full tweet; “Currently there are very few cases of #COVID19 in the US & no reported community spread. But as more countries see community spread, successful containment becomes harder and the CDC is preparing for community spread in the US. (in other words…it’s coming motherfuckers)

25 February 20 – Trump at a news conference in India says that the virus is “well under control” and that there are very few people with it.”

27 February 20 – Trumps says “One day it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.”

28 February 20 -  Total countries with confirmed cases 56, total number of cases 84,090, deaths 2,874

Yet, according to the leadership of the other party, Our President has failed us. Following OVER A MONTH of response—they’re accusing our president of failing us. Yes, TDS is real... Feb. 26: President Trump appointed VP Mike Pence to head the whole of government response. That appointment is in keeping with the 2015 Obama-era Blue Ribbon Panel on Biodefense.

26 February 20 – Trumps says “Within a couple of weeks it will be down to close to zero. That’s a pretty good job we’ve done.” Feb 27: First community transmission in US. (actually it was on the 26th) Feb 27: Trump appoints Pence to coordinate efforts. (I thought he did that yesterday?)

28 February 20 – Trump goes to a rally Feb 29: 60 days after the Chinese announcement, the US sadly lost its first victim to COVID-19.

2 March 20 – Trump goes to a rally in Charlotte

9 March 20 – Trump tweets: The fake News Media and their partner, the Democrat Party, is doing everything within its semi-considerable power (it used to be greater!) to inflame the CoronaVirus situation, far beyond what the facts would warrant. Surgeon General, “the risk is low to the average American.”

7 March 20 – Trump refuses to talk with Pelosi, so she works with Mnuchin to craft a relief bill

7 March 20 – Trump says; “No I’m not concerned at all. We’ve done a great job.”

7 March 20 – Trump plays golf

8 March 20 – Trump plays golf

10 March 20 – Trump says; “and it will go away. Just stay calm. It will go away.” March 11: WHO declares COVID-19 to be a global "pandemic." 11 March 20 – Trump in an address from the Oval Office FALSELY says that the health insurance industry has “agreed to waive all co-payments for coronavirus treatments.” In reality, getting tested would be free, but treatment would not be covered. This is the first time he admitted that COVID19 might be a problem.

13 March 20 - 121 countries have confirmed cases totaling 142,095 with 5,373 deaths

13 March 20 – Trump declares COVID19 a national emergency and says “No, I don’t take any responsibility at all.”

18 March 20 – Trump declares himself a “wartime president”

29 March 20 – Trump says; “If we have between 100,000 & 200,000 deaths we’ve done a very good job.”

So, 53 days BEFORE the US lost a single life to this disease, The Administration was already working diligently to protect our country... (Diligently? Perhaps the deep state government was working diligently but not Trump at best he jumped onto the bandwagon on March 11, 2020. Also this post begins on December 31 and ends on March 11, 2020 so unless my math is wrong it would be 62 days before the first US death.) Sadly the U.S. WILL lose lives to this virus--but as noted by an Obama appointee and former director of the CDC Tom Friedman, “had the President NOT responded so quickly, we would not have been prepared as we are, and more lives would’ve been lost” (I cannot confirm this quote to either Thomas Friedman the NYT moron or to Dr. Thomas Frieden the actual former CDC director. Dr. Frieden it must be noted has been very critical of the Trump administrations response to COVID19. I have however found this quote on several conservative blogs leading me to believe it’s a bullshit quote.) It is helpful to look at the actual timeline. All of this happened BEFORE the 1st death in U.S. (wrong, the first US death from COVID19 was on March 1 in Washington state.So not all of this happened before the first US death but most of it did like 86% of it.)

most of this info are from CDC tweets so anyone can look it up to check for accuracy. (most of this information is not from the CDC tweets, I read them.)

There were many more actions in between, I just took some highlights. Fact check it to see how accurate this is. Nobody's excusing anyone, just checking the timeline.

 Brainpicking Notes: Most of my sources where: CDC twitter account, CNN Coronavirus timeline, thinkglobalhealth.org, vox news, Politifact.com (verified with second sources), WHO timeline, covid19-archive.com, whitehouse.gov

 On March 30, 2020 Trump told Fox News that “We inherited a broken test" for COVID-19.” Really? How? Since no test existed before this virus jumped to humans and every country in the world entered a race to develop one who in the fuck could you have inherited it from?

[the-asia-trip]

Days 12-15: Taiwan

In a way, this trip has been on a slowly increasing scale of travel difficulty for me. Japan, while still foreign, is like a warm blanket—familiar, safe, and clean. Korea is one or two steps beyond Japan. Still safe, but less familiar. Taiwan is three steps out. It's still very safe, but, for lack of a better word, it's also China. Wild, chaotic, exotic China.

Hordes of scooters weave through every street, big impenetrable Chinese characters dominate every sign (though there's still English secondary signage everywhere you really need it), and everything is considerably less spotless and immaculate than Korea, let alone Japan. To speak in Dungeons and Dragons character alignment terminology: if Japan is Lawful Good, and Korea is Lawful Neutral, Taiwan is Chaotic Good. There's still that East Asian order ethos, but noticeably less than the first two countries I visited on the trip. 

None of this is an insult, mind you. It's also jaw-droppingly scenic, filled with fantastic food and incredibly friendly people.

On Tuesday, after finishing my last entry here, I hopped on the subway out of Seoul. About an hour later, I arrived at Incheon International Airport. 

Incheon deserves special mention here. I didn't get a good look around when I arrived there last Friday night, but it's a really really surreal place—ultramodern, and dripping with the trappings of the international set. In Terminal 2, there's a three-story Chanel store and a three-story Gucci store right next to it. There's every conceivable designer boutique, at least 4 duty-free cosmetics stores, 3 liquor stores, 2 tobacco stores, and 2 nondescript "fashion" stores that sell clothing from brands not prestigious enough to warrant their own storefronts (but pricey enough to benefit from duty-free savings). For actual airport souvenirs, though, it's not much. For my 4 days in Korea, the best I could manage was a fridge magnet. Note to self: buy souvenirs outside next time. 

After some kimchi stew and an impossibly small $8 airport beer, I boarded my flight to Taiwan. It took about 2 hours, during which time I watched about 70 minutes of Quentin Tarantino's "Once Upon A Time in Hollywood" on a hilariously low-resolution seatback display. My seatmate was a middle-aged Russian woman with two brand-new iPhones who drank five glasses of white wine and bought three sticks of Burberry lipstick from the duty-free cart.

After clearing customs, I hopped on a city bus into Taipei proper. The buses in Taiwan also deserve special mention here for being one of the most chaotic elements of the whole experience. Inexplicably well-appointed with little frilly lace window curtains and headrests, and consistently driven with a style I can only describe as "New York Cabbie on speed," they're an experience in their own right. 

The trip to my hotel took about an hour, at which point it was well past midnight. After a requisite post-airport shower, I fell fast asleep. 

I'm staying at the CitizenM Taipei on this leg of the trip, a part of a larger chain of hotels that I've stayed at before in New York. It's one of those trendy hotel chains marketed towards young people that tries painfully hard to be cool with every aspect of their branding. Still, their actual hotel rooms are very nice and well-appointed. 

The next morning, after coffee, some scallion pancakes, and Taiwanese sausages, I headed over to Xiangshan. Located on the other side of the city, it's a hiking trail that offers unrestricted views of Taiwan's most internationally-famous attraction, Taipei 101. While taking some photos at the top of the trail, I struck up a conversation with a local—a girl about my age who currently lives in London, back here for two weeks visiting family. We talked for about half an hour, exchanged information, and went our separate ways.

After the hike, I headed back into the center of town and hopped on a train out to Jiufen. One of Taiwan's most photogenic locales, it bears a striking resemblance to the Spirit World from "Spirited Away," one of the best/most influential anime movies of all time, and a personal favorite of mine. The train only got me most of the way there, so I had to transfer to a bus in Ruifang, a little village about 3/4 of the way between Taipei and Juifen's iconic old town.

A highlight of the walk through Ruifang—at one point, I passed an elderly Chinese man sitting on a bench. He gave me a thumbs-up, I gave him a thumbs-up back, and he smiled and said, "good!" 

One more chaotic bus ride through a series of winding mountain roads later, I arrived in Jiufen. After almost 20 years of being associated with one of the most popular movies of all time, it's more than a little touristy, but a whole lot of fun. The photos to follow will do it more justice than I probably can here. If you like stunning jungle mountain scenery, charming small-town vibes, and excellent food, it's a must-see.

A nice thing about visiting Taiwan right now: for some reason, all Mainland Chinese people are banned from visiting the island by the Communist Party until next year. As locals tell it, I basically have the place to myself. 

Also, for about two weeks in advance,  rain was predicted for three of my four days here. Obviously, on paper, Taiwan is the most outdoorsy leg of this trip, which is why I spent my first day so actively outside when the weather proved sunny.

In an extreme stroke of luck, though, it was clear and sunny the whole time I was there.

On my second day, I took full advantage of this. After more scallion pancakes and coffee, I hopped on a train out of Taipei Main Station headed out of the city, this time to Tamsui, another small town located north of the city.

One thing I didn't know about Taiwan prior to this trip: it used to be a territory of the Dutch East India Company during the 16th century. One of the most tangible remnants of this period is still on display in Tamsui, a colonial fort known as Fort San Domingo (the Dutch took it over from the Spanish, some of the first Europeans to reach the island during the European Age of Exploration). The Chinese locals know the fort by another name: 紅毛城. In English, this translates roughly to "fort of the red-headed ones," which I'm still getting a big kick out of. Apparently the Dutch were the first redheads the Taiwanese had ever seen, and the nickname "Ang Mo" (literally "red hair," or sometimes more derogatorily, "red fur,") stuck for some time after that as a catch-all term for Europeans in many parts of Southeast Asia.

While there's a decent amount of foreigners in Taipei, I definitely felt like the odd Ang Mo out in Tamsui, wading through street markets and ducking out of the way of scooters. It's an amazing place, filled with life and chaotic energy in a way few places I've ever seen are. 

Later that day, I returned to Taipei to check off one of the obvious must-sees of any Taiwan visit: Taipei 101. Formerly the tallest structure on earth, and now the 11th tallest behind a variety of Mainland Chinese and Gulf State money laundering projects, it's truly a sight to behold. From the 89th floor, you get an unrestricted panoramic view of the whole of the Taipei metro area and a glimpse into the building's highly sophisticated internal stabilization system. Because Taiwan is prone to earthquakes, the 101 is borderline over-engineered against any conceivable emergency. It's allegedly one of the most stable structures on the planet. 

After a beer at the top floor lounge, I headed over the Chiang Kai-shek Memorial. The leader of the Kuomintang and father of the Republic of China, he's a very very very big deal here. His memorial is every bit the equal to monuments like the Lincoln Memorial and is guarded by a group of very very very very serious Taiwanese soldiers. There's a guard-changing ceremony a few times a day that I was lucky enough to catch the end of during my visit. Video will follow. 

After that, I met up with my new friend from yesterday and a few of her local friends for dinner. Naturally, the best way to try the best food in a foreign place is to make friends with locals.

The next morning, I crossed the final box off my Taiwan list: the National Palace Museum. When the government of the Republic of China fled the mainland in the 40s, they took most of China's artistic and cultural heritage with them from the Forbidden City in Beijing: over 70,000 items now stored in a sprawling gallery just outside Taipei. It's considered to be one of (if not the) finest collections of Chinese art on the planet, and it's where I spent most of my last full day in Taiwan. Pictures will follow and again will do more justice than I ever could. The sheer extent of China's history is really and truly staggering. The second oldest civilization on the planet, and the oldest continuous one, with a mind-blowing amount of art and culture to show for it.

After the museum, I went back into town for a lunch of pork belly with buns, Dan Dan noodles, and fried pork dumplings. They're big on pork here. The other part of the whole "thousands of years of history" thing? The food. Unbelievable. 

I got even more of that aspect of Taiwan's culture later that night when I went back out with my new Taiwanese friend to one of Taipei's famous night markets. Another "chaotic in the best possible way" experience, you can get everything from knockoff designer socks to steaming bowls of beef tendon stew there. By the end of the night, I had both. 

This morning, I got up at around 9:30 and had my last helping of local scallion pancakes for the foreseeable future. I checked out around 11, and one chaotic Taiwanese Citybus ride later I was at the airport. More pork and rice, a beer, a three-hour flight, and I find myself at Hotel Nikko Narita, the last stop on my trip, for a quick overnight before my flight home. Expect more in the coming days in terms of a cohesive "final thoughts" piece. But for now, here's a few things I'm already feeling very clearly:

There's a power that comes with solo travel. A sense of self-assurance and understanding you really don't get from many other experiences. You're spending a lot of time with yourself. For some people, the thought of that is terrifying. Especially on the other side of the world. For me, though, it's energizing and self-actualizing in a way few other things could ever possibly be.

What else. Travel. Of all the places I visited on this trip, Japan is still quite easily my favorite, and I'd still love to live here someday. But I'm not in any rush, and I certainly won't be coming home with the same misplaced urge to return immediately that I had after my last trip.

Two weeks really remains the ticket for this kind of trip. I've been away long enough that traveling almost feels like my routine at this point, pretentious as that may read. It's nice to be able to spend enough time doing something that you're able to drop the mindset of normal day-to-day life for a while, and do Big Thinks About Life Stuff. However, as I've said in previous posts, I think I'd need a concrete reason to be here to stay any longer. After almost 16 very full days on the other side of the world, thousands of miles away from my own, I'm actually very ready to come home. I miss my friends and family (you, reading this, probably), and after 2 weeks of near-nonstop movement, the creature comforts of my apartment will be mighty nice. 

For now, thank you all for following me. I'm honored to have shared this incredible experience with you.

[is6621]

US Public Transportation - Wendy Wang

This past semester, I interned 40 hours a week at the Prudential Center in Boston, and through that, I was able to experience the full wrath of the Boston public transportation system, or what many of us *endearingly* (sarcasm) refer to as the “T”. I, like many other students, tend to stay within our “BC bubble”. And typically, I attribute that to the fact that there’s always so many different fun and exciting events going on around campus, so there’s no reason to leave. But I think the bigger, underlying reason that many of us tend to internalize is because it’s such a damn hassle to get off our campus and go into Boston or even “the greater Boston area”. At orientation, BC boasts to the naive, excited freshmen that as a student at BC, they will have direct access to not 1, not 2 but 3 subway lines that will all bring them into Boston and the greater Boston area. However, what they hide is the fact that those subways are on the slowest and [objectively] worst subway line out of all the possible options, the B line. After regretting not going into Boston much my first year at college, I made it a personal goal to venture into the city more, at least once a month. But I clearly remember after going into the city on a free Saturday and spending the better half of the day waiting for and riding the subway, I was turned off by the thought of going into the city again and lost that initial drive for wanting to go explore Boston.  After basically two-and-a-half years of not really venturing into the city, for the past 12 weeks, I commuted in and out of the city every single day. In January, prior to starting my internship at the Prudential Center, I mapped out my commute to work on Google Maps: 3 minute bus ride from my apartment to the subway station, 22 minutes on the D line, and then a 7 minute walk to the office. In total, I expected my commute to take less than or around 35 minutes. On my first day, to be safe and not wanting to risk being late, I left my apartment at 8:00am, giving myself over a 20 minute buffer in my commute time. At 8:45am, I found myself frantically checking my phone for the time and refreshing my Google Maps to see my estimated time of arrival. “Was I going to be late? I can’t be late on my first day of work!!” I screamed to myself in my head. Slowly, as my internship went on, I not only learned things related to the financial services industry, but I also learned more about the T. It became a running joke that I had to take the “best of the worst T line” to work every day, and I think my coworkers ended up taking pity on me for my terrible commute every day. 

Earlier this semester, I remember someone had tweeted about a high-speed train that was being built that would go upwards of 600 miles per hour. As someone who has traveled to a few countries in Europe and Asia, I immediately thought of Taiwan’s bullet train that takes you from one end of the island to the other. I thought Taiwan’s bullet train already moved pretty impressively fast, but to my dismay, the Taiwan bullet train moves at not even 200 miles per hour, which is walking speed compared to 600 miles per hour. In the past 3 years, I’ve traveled to Shanghai, Paris, Singapore, Taiwan and Amsterdam. And the resounding thought that I had at each of those places was, “Why can’t America’s public transportation system be like this?” In America, whether it’s in Boston or New York City (which is slightly better), I feel like it’s a consistent trend where I am running to the subway station because Google Maps is telling me that the train is 3 minutes away, only to get to the station out of breath and sweaty and wait another 5 minutes for the subway to actually get there. Whereas when my friends and I went to Amsterdam over winter break, we quickly realized that we should arrive 2-3 minutes before the estimated time of arrival on Google Maps because their public transportation is always early or on time, never late.  BUT WHY?

Why is America’s transportation system so poor compared to other developed countries?  According to the International Association of Public Transport, in every other US city besides New York that has a significant public transportation system, the number of people riding public transportation fell. According to the survey, “North America carries the fewest rail passengers per year of any world region, only accounting for 3.7 billion of the 53 billion passengers worldwide.” This is rooted in the traditional American mindset that we are a car-dependent society which goes hand in hand with how most Americans don’t know how and don’t bother to learn how the public transit system works. And therefore, they see no need to prioritize it when thinking of public works projects or putting funds into modernizing it. Most of Americans transit systems are very old and have not been renovated. And because most Americans don’t take the public transit system, they don’t like seeing their tax dollars going towards something that is already so old and dilapidated.  Another trend that Boston is a prime example of, is that Americans prioritize reach over frequency. Is it necessary to have the B line stop every 1 or 2 blocks? For some of the stops on the Boston College B line, it literally takes me less than 5 minutes to walk from 1 stop to the next - what’s the point of that? Well, sorry I feel like this was more of a rant session for me at American public transit, but I really do hope that cities in America put more of an effort to improve each of their public transportation systems. It is a shame to see many of these systems become older and older year after year, many people tossing them to the side and not putting efforts towards improving them, especially as many people still depend on these as their primary means of transport as they can’t afford Ubers or their own car. Sources

- https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/9/26/17903146/mass-transit-public-transit-rail-subway-bus-car

- https://www.wbur.org/bostonomix/2019/04/24/boston-traffic-mbta-poll-congestion

- https://www.mbta.com/projects/better-bus-project

- https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/world-best-metro-systems/index.html

[firstfootingscotland]

On Islands and Improvisation

(View from the airport at Benbecula, Uist)

It looks as though we’re about to land on the beach as the small dual propeller plane wafts us over Uist. As we descend towards the runway, just a narrow strip of land from the water, I can see the island dotted with silvery lakes, the white sand turning to darker earth as you move inland, and the spine road of the island with its proprietary bulges. Later, I find myself very grateful my driver knows these passing places well as we careen towards the hall where I’ll be teaching step dance. We pull off to take in a quick view over the water, the place my hostess says has the best cell reception, and look west towards the sea, towards North America. Here, I get the sense that the island is what all are answerable to.

In the opening of her piece on gender and sexualities in traditional ballads, University of Winnipeg Women’s and Gender Studies professor Pauline Greenhill mentions both the literal and figurative transportive quality of islands:

“When I was a young woman, the Mariposa Folk Festival was an experience freedom and separation, requiring bus and subway travel from my parents' apartment in Don Mills, and then a ferry across Toronto Harbour to the Toronto Islands. To spend a sunny summer weekend away from the suburbs, surrounded by trees, water, and music was to be literally and figuratively transported to other historic and symbolic locations. It was probably at Mariposa that I first heard "transvestite," "warrior-maiden," "female-sailor," or, as I call them, cross-dressing ballads, likely sung by strong women folksong-revival performers…” (1)

For Greenhill, traveling to the Toronto Islands to hear traditional songs about warrior-maidens or cross-dressing sailors at the Mariposa Folk Festival allowed her to hear these ballads not only as conventional narratives of binary gender and heterosexuality, but also as somehow suggestive of other modes of being... Of other desires, other ways of existing outside of a presumed two-gender system; ways of life that are somehow queer, somehow beyond the limits of normative.

I’ve been thinking a lot about islands. Over the past seven months of the First Footing residency, I have had the pleasure of working on three different Scottish islands: Lismore for a weekend of music and dance workshops organized by Kae Sakurai, the Isle of Skye for a weeklong step dance course organized by Sabhal Mòr Ostaig, and South Uist for a weekend of classes for singers and dancers coordinated by Ceòlas. While each island presented its own ecological richness, I’ve been wondering broadly about the correlations of teaching, performing, and especially improvising on islands.

As long as I can remember I have made a habit of improvising in performance. In the weeks leading up to my first paid gig at the leafy Saline Celtic Festival still held annually in Michigan’s breezy early summer, I remember meticulously scribbling sequences of steps on many multicolored sticky notes. I adhered these to the dresser in my room so I could follow along as I practiced dancing. From my musician collaborators, I had received the names of the tunes that would be played, their meter (jigs, reels, hornpipes, etc.), and the number of times they were to be played. I noted all this information studiously. I so desperately wanted to be prepared.

However, when it came to rehearsing with the musicians for the show (Jeremy Kittel, Sean Gavin, and Michael Gavin), my folder of adhesive-backed paper couldn’t have seemed more arbitrary. Listening and responding felt so much more relevant, so much more useful. I abandoned my scrawled steps that day. Drawing from the footwork sequences in the moment, pulling steps from many percussive dance styles including Irish step dance, Canadian stepping, Appalachian clogging, and tap dance, I could better hear nuances of melody, timing, dynamic and phrasing than if I were actively working to recall a pre-arranged set of steps. (2) Perhaps I just didn’t rehearse my stickies enough. In any case, this way of creating dance has been at the center of my work ever since. Whether performing onstage with a band, teaching a workshop (its own kind of performance!), or presenting a solo dance show, I find myself returning to improvisation as a technique. Even when working alone in a studio in recent years, I tend to improvise, film the improvisation, and watch it back to see what worked and what didn’t. Sometimes I’ll forgo the camera and rely on mental notes as I’m dancing; mentally marking what feels interesting, what feels irrelevant, what feels pleasurable, and then trying to repeat, omit, expand upon this material on the next attempt. In performance, I’ve found this method of public extemporization allows me a tremendous amount of autonomy to respond to other bodies, to sound, to the haptic nature of my feet brushing the floor, and to the specifics of place as I perform.

I found myself improvising on all three of the Scottish islands I visited during my residency. On Lismore, Kae Sakurai and Mairi Campbell hosted a public acoustic show in the village hall with performances by weekend instructors and attendees. There, with the lights low, I found myself rising from my seat in the circle of chairs amidst islanders and students to dance with Mairi, Janet Lees, and Kath Bruce playing Kath’s stately tune, Albert’s 90th. Mine was the first dancing body to enter the circle, an act which felt imbued with its own symbolic magic. As the tune unfolded, I found myself tracing big shapes, hoping to usher in a sense of “eventfulness,” a term Irish queer theorist Michael O’Rourke once ascribed to my movement after seeing a performance. On Skye, Malin Lewis and Hamish Napier both invited to join them in the midweek concert at Sabhal Mòr Ostaig. With Malin, I donned tap shoes to accompany their highland pipes for a set of gleefully acrobatic original 7/8 compositions while with Hamish, I wore a softer pair of leather shoes and used sand to meet him in the breathy, sibilant soundscape of his whistle-playing and Innes Watson’s dexterous guitar work. On Uist, I presented a 45 minute solo performance that included improvisations, songs accompanied by dancing, dances accompanied by diddling, and percussive dance that needed no accompaniment at all. All of these performance situations relied on improvisation as a compositional strategy - a mode of danced connection to islanders and islands.  

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A post shared by Sabhal Mòr Ostaig (@sabhalmorostaig) on Apr 10, 2019 at 9:18am PDT

(Hamish Napier, Innes Watson and I perform Hamish’s composition Huy Huy! at Sabhal Mòr Ostaig, filmed by Sophie Stephenson)

In a recent talk at Boyer College, dancer, dance scholar, and chair of African-American studies at Duke University Thomas F. DeFrantz articulates that there is queerness to the process of improvisation itself. He examines the act of improvising through the lens of black performance, especially jazz:

“That’s how jazz works. You have to be able to imagine outside of what happened before…and it’s going to be super queer to get to the place where it’s going to be interesting as an improvisation….queerness as I’m trying to think it through at the heart of improvisation, is a willingness to resist the normativity that produced what that was. Then you’re trying to improvise outside of there. You’re trying to go to a queer space or through a queer methodology to flip the beat or change the rhythm.” (3)

Thomas’ words (as they so often do) strike a deep chord for me. When I’m dancing and improvising, I’m responding to sound, to my own body, or to a fiddle tune without the script of “what comes next.” Improvisation requires an imagination beyond what we know. It’s audacious. It’s cheeky. We dare to dream that there could be something else, something more beyond what we have just experienced. Thinking broadly, when we imagine a life outside of what the norms of heteronormativity and binary gender offer, this is where marginalities enact themselves, where space is made for diverse populations, where queering occurs.

Islands themselves also seem predisposed to this kind of queering. I met fellow queer people on Lismore, Skye, and Uist, however, I’m not so much referring here to individual identities of the island’s inhabitants but rather, as Greenhill states, islands’ “symbolic locality” as places that are set apart, imbued with beyond-ness. Indeed, islands are set apart, surrounded by an ever-changing, infinitely diverse, unquantifiable bodies of fluid (what could be more queer?!) “Island time” as it’s referred to on Uist - the convention of events occurring in their own time, on their own terms, or when folks arrive - also seems to connect to queerness, especially the interpretation of queerness suggested by Judith (Jack) Halberstam in their book In a Queer Time and Place: Transgender Bodies, Subcultural Lives: “One of my central assertions has been that queer temporality disrupts the normative narratives of time that form the base of nearly every definition of the human in almost all of our modes of understanding.” (4)

(Working with singers during the Ceòlas song and dance weekend, photo by Lowenna Hosken)

On the final day of the Ceòlas Song and Dance Weekend, brilliantly curated by Dance Officer Lowenna Hosken, I found myself improvising amidst my dance students as we worked with participants who had been studying Gaelic song with Fiona MacKenzie. The song students, seated, would sing traditional puirt à beaul (literally Gaelic “tunes from the mouth”) as we listened in, standing close, attempting to find gestures that would imitate their Gaelic syllables. While I had encountered many of the specific puirt repertoire in my work with Mary Ann Kennedy and the Campbells of Greepe, the act of composing repeatable footwork for the dancers in the moment was both thrilling and daunting. It happened blindingly fast, and the speed of the workshop facilitated a kind of insouciance that helped me stave off any imposter-syndrome anxiety about my own (in)ability to understand Gaelic or the gravitas of bringing traditional song and percussive dance (back) into conversation. “What was that phrase again?” “Could you sing it slower?” “One to many beats there.” “Yes, that’s it.” I constructed a phrase, taking a moment to work with the dancers who joined in with abandon. Soon we were moving together and all were smiling. “They’ve got the Gaelic in their feet.” “You can hear the words!” Eschewing the Derridean notion of false binaries, we endeavored to enact a blurring of our ostensibly separate traditional art forms: a performative slippage, a synesthetic blending of mediums in which the dance could be heard and the song could be seen, enacting a trans-­linguistic, anatomic translocation from the island of one body, to the island of another. And as we moved and sounded together, I smiled to myself thinking about islands and about the way improvisation enables intimacy, if we dare to imagine.

(Awaiting the Oban ferry on Lismore in March 2019 with participants of the Lismore Music & Dance Weekend)

First Footing is a collaboration between dancer and dance researcher Nic Gareiss, the Traditional Dance Forum of Scotland, University of Edinburgh Moray House School of Education, and the School of Scottish Studies with support from Creative Scotland. For engagement opportunities check out the First Footing website.

(1)  Pauline Greenhill, "Neither a Man nor a Maid": Sexualities and Gendered Meanings in Cross-Dressing Ballads, The Journal of American Folklore, 1995, p. 156 (2) The abandonment of these charted steps was the beginning of me feeling uncomfortable with using the word “choreography” for my work. In Antje Hildebrandt’s 2013 video, “The End of Choreography,” she reminds us that choreography is literally “dance writing” in Greek. While I enjoy writing about dance, I personally feel far more connected to the words performer, dancer, or improviser to describe what I do when I’m dancing.

(3) Thomas F. DeFrantz, Dance Studies Colloquium, Temple University, Boyer College, February 19, 2019, Uploaded April 25, 2019

(4) Judith (Jack) Halberstam, In a Queer Time and Place: Transgender Bodies, Subcultural Lives, 2005, p. 152