#2023 bad habits live forever

[atrwriting]

me when there’s a new blonde-blue-eyed-toxic-low-key-psychotic man to simp over

[jwirecs]

RECOMMENDED BTS FICS OF SEPTEMBER 2023💖

hello, hello! here are my bts recs of september! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Head Over Skates || @mercurygguk🔞💔🔄

↳ in which jeon jungkook is the captain of the hockey team and one of the biggest fuckboys on campus. you hate his guts and he knows it – that's why he's more than determined to make the most of three weeks of project work. you're convinced it's going to be the end of you.

My Heart Did || @aseaofyoongi🔞💔✅

↳ as soon as senior years comes to an end a lot of teens shed who we were and strive to be flourish into a more polished version of themselves. although, broken hearts aren’t so quick to heal what happens when thoughts reveal all we need to know?

Bad Idea || @back2bluesidex🔞💕✅

↳ Accepting Jungkook's invitation to watch him train topless was such a bad idea.

Don't Tell Me That... You Forgot || @sweetiestokkie💕✅

↳ (short summary that i have come up with since there wasnt one, but oc plans a secret birthday for jk. so we have a lil ol angy jjk.)

Just The Tip? || @joon4eva🔞💕✅

↳ you and namjoon are left alone together for a little too long. or: in your childhood home, you learn just how much is really "just the tip" with namjoon.

My Flower || @i-am-baechu💕✅💯

↳ Men don’t get enough flowers. That’s why whenever it’s Namjoon’s birthday, Y/N always sends flowers (someone please get me a boo so that i can give them flowers.)

Socks || @hisunshiine💕✅

↳ (theres no summary but if we talking about socks, his god dam toe socks lives in my mind rent free and i need it to start paying rent.)

Take Care Of You || @kookslastbutton🔞💕💔✅💯💯

↳ To keep your fiance from burning out you suggest a weekend getaway to Gapyeong, a charming town about an hour outside Seoul. You've specifically asked him to leave his work equipment at home but like a deep rooted habit, he still brings it with him. You're left with no choice but to find a way to get his attention back.

When I Say Forever || @kookslastbutton🔞💕✅💯

↳ Today’s your wedding day and the slightly shy yet handsome, doe-eyed stranger who chased after you when you dropped your wallet on the street three years ago just happens to be the man standing before you today.

7 Hybrids Moved In With Me || @lillsisamarshmallow💕💔🔄

↳ When the dog hybrid who visits her bakery starts taking extra food Y/N follows it through the alleys to find out why, but what happens when she stumbles upon an empty alley only to find 6 more hybrids and some very familiar pastries?

Entangled || @caelesjjk🔞✅💯

↳ Jeon Jungkook is Spider-Man.

Hold Me Together || @casuallyimagining💕🔄💯

↳ a collection of drabbles and headcanons featuring seokjin, yoongi, and namjoon and their significant others.... all of whom have chronic illnesses. each piece can be read on its own or as part of a series.

Leaked || @btsficsandsuch💕💔✅

↳ Req by OP's Followers: Hi ,I love your writing so much . Can I request a ot7 × platonic fem reader where they became friends accidentally and she is also their fan but something happens like a misunderstanding of sorts and she is blamed or something then when the truth comes out they ask for her forgiveness but don't make her forgive them easily also include an accident in between story if you can. Sorry if it's too confusing .have a good day

Stars Around My Scars || @vanteggukie💕💔🔄

↳ people are not always what they seem. you learned that the hard way, when you caught your boyfriend cheating, the night that was supposed to be one of the best ones you ever experienced. but on the same night you also learned that in everything bad, there’s always a little bit of good.

Rainy Days || @rklve🔞💕💔✅💯💯

↳ your life choices left not only yours, but jungkook's heart broken in peaces. now you're back in town, and just like pluto, even if it's cold and dark, he tends to orbit around his sun forever.

Taste Of His Own Medicine || @btsficsandsuch💔✅💯

↳ You suddenly have to leave to go back to your home country for a few months. Yoongi decides to ignore you so you decide to show him how it feels when he realizes you’re gone.

The Back Up Plan || @btsgotjams27💕✅💯

↳ one drunken night leads to an agreement that if you and jungkook are still single by 30, you'd marry each other. the only thing is jungkook has been doing everything he can to keep you single.

Aphrodite In War || @jungblue🔞💕💔🔄

↳ Everyone knew about the war that had been brewing on the edge of campus for the past two years. Sorority versus Fraternity; a showdown for the ages. However, when the escalating antics between them yields the consequence of possible suspensions for both chapters, the presidents of each house must come together to try and figure out how to end this battle… Which is kind of hard, considering they were the ones responsible for it in the first place.

Basic Needs || @gggukniverse🔞✅💯

↳ missing sex while being stuck in your apartment with your two roommates during quarantine is being the worst nightmare you could've imagined. fortunately, you're not the only one who's touch starved.

Safety Net || @pradaksj🔞💕💔✅

↳ on new year’s eve, you and jungkook reflect on each other’s entire year together. 

Heart-On || @junghelioseok🔞✅💯💯

↳ your one-night stand definitely isn’t relationship material, but maybe—just maybe—your manager’s son is. (this is part of their serendipity series, make note that its not connected. do check out their jjk fic thats part of this series!!)

Territorial || @bonny-kookoo🔞💕🔄

↳ Who would've known that the big bad wolf isn't actually all that bad?

Do check out all of the other BTS Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[aftgficrec]

Anonymous said: Hi! Thank you so much for your work. I'm looking for long finished fics, it can be canon or not AND I'm also looking for fics focused on Kevin and Neil friendship

From Ravens angst to food wars there’s a lot of Kevin and Neil here for you to enjoy. Readers, find the long complete fics portion of this ask here. -A

previous recs

Kevin & Neil here

Kevin & Neil friendship here

BFFs Neil & Kevin, physically affectionate here

Neil & Kevin as bffs/brothers + Kev/Neil here 

‘To All my friends’ here

‘on thin ice’ here

‘Exit Wound’ here 

‘Necessary Losses,’ ‘Remember! Proplifting is Shoplifting!,’ and ‘CVS’ (completed) here

‘don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious’ here

‘I have a Prom-Posal’ here (updated)

‘The Manga is Way Better (Save me from the Fangirls)’ here

‘Homecoming King’ here 

‘The One Where Everyone Finds Out’ here

‘How to outrun the mafia, an essay by Neil Josten’ here

‘my friends and I, we got a lot of problems’ and ‘please, carry me, carry me, carry me home’ here

‘I can see the stars though the tears in my skin’ here

‘Odd Eye’ here

‘Carrots’ here

‘You Can't Take the Sky from Me’ here 

‘Something Crazy About It’ and ‘The one where Andriel get Cats’ here

‘Dear Advice Guy,’ ‘a little bit special,’ and ‘quicksand’ here

‘Slow Parade’ and ‘Bad Habits’ here

‘Technique is Important’ here

‘venus as a boy’ here (completed)

‘Light a Match’ and ‘stupid, normal teenagers’ here

‘"There's blood on my/your hands."’ here

‘Neil Josten Is a Lucky Man’ here

‘Two worlds collide’ and ‘Fear & Loathing’ here

‘Father’s Day, ‘08’ here

‘Point Nemo’ here

‘Extra thermador on the side’ ch 14 & 15 here

‘Gimme a Kiss and I'll Kiss You Right Back’ here

‘North Star’ and ‘it's my first and perhaps last time (aka the Exy World Cup Fic)’ here

‘my one, my dear’ here

‘I’m too young to feel numb…’ here

‘The Sickness Was Forever,’ ‘Whatever it takes,’ and ‘It's Just You and Me, Just Us, and Y(our) Friend Kevin’ here 

‘Different Roads’ and ‘I Was Ruined From The Start’ here

‘Spun Sugar Truths’ here

‘But man, I can hate you sometimes’ here

‘Remember Me, Love, When I'm Reborn…’ and ‘The Suit Universe’ series (updated) here

‘Through our memories, we live’ here (completed)

‘Die Free or Die a Failure’ here (completed)

‘A Falling Star’ series here

you may also like

andreil & Kevin here

more kevineil here

Andrew & Kevin here

to whom it may aggravate by knoxout [Rated G, 1931 Words, Complete, 2022]

to: njosten@denverbulldogs.com from: kevinday@seattlestingrays.com ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID????? Kindest regards, Kevin Day

Strike That (from the record) by Mercey [Rated M, 1393 Words, Complete, 2023]

Kevin and Neil decide to read fanfiction about themselves on their podcast. Shenanigans ensue.

Medicated rabbits don't run as fast by AllTheSpadesAndAces [Not Rated, 8690 Words, Incomplete, Updated Nov 2023]

Neil Josten has his mother to thank for an addiction to painkillers, but he won't speak (that) ill of the dead. He's stayed on the run after her death. He never hits the same AA or NA meeting more than once. Usually only going once in every city he passes though. Maybe he should have remembered not to stray too close to Raven territory. After all, he knows what that place can drive people to do. OR Neil meets Kevin at an AA meeting.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: drug addiction, tw: alcohol abuse/alcoholism

Your eyes can’t fool me by maia_m03 [Rate G, 3533 Words, Complete, 2022]

There’s something familiar about this kid and Kevin can’t quite place it. Until he does. (A ‘Kevin recognises Neil at Millport’ AU)

neil josten vs vegetables (aka kevin) by orangejuice9 [Rated T, 3138 Words, Complete, 2023]

Three times Kevin tries to put vegetables in Neil's food, and one time Neil gets his revenge.

this is [home], this is hell by straycrow [Rated M, 1402 Words, Complete, 2022]

The day Kevin left the Nest and Neil behind.

tw: violence, tw: abuse

What the fuck did I do in the end? (Just to not be yours) by allfortheBoyds [Rated M, 2305 Words, Incomplete, Updated April 2023]

Kevin goes back to the nest so that Neil can run

no rest for the mischievous by tropicalblend [Rated G, 1681 Words, Complete, 2023]

Kevin forgets an essential piece of Neil's food order so Neil must enact revenge, he must.

frying pans by aknosde [Rated G, 1078 Words, Complete, 2023]

When Kevin trudges down the stairs and into the kitchen Saturday morning it's to the smell of frying sausage and a headache the likes of which he hasn’t seen in years. The fact that the former makes him want to throw up considerably more than the latter lets him know what kind of day it’s going to be. (Or: Neil cooks Kevin breakfast)

tw: implied disordered eating

i want to hold your hand by gay_irl [Rated T, 3481 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil starts to notice that Andrew occasionally exchanges casual touches with Kevin. He feels something about it but he's not sure what. He talks to Andrew and starts to realize the value of non-sexual intimacy. He decides to try it out.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

why am I like this? by chronically_peach [Rated G, 1744 Words, Complete, 2023]

Kevin doesn’t believe in loneliness. He doesn’t believe in friendship or the need for people around. He spent his entire life never being alone but never having a friend. Loneliness didn’t affect Kevin. Or so he thought. One night Kevin breaks down during late night practice while alone at the court. When he doesn’t come home Andrew and Neil go looking for him

In the Blooms by KaijuusAndKryptids [Rated G, 1273 Words, Complete, Aftg Spring Exchange 2022, Locked]

Kevin works on sobriety, and needs something to fill the time to distract him from needing a drink. He falls into gardening incidentally, but more and more often he finds that he wants to garden for gardening's sake and not to complete another objective.

Proof of Life by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 2132 Words, Complete, 2022]

Realistically, Kevin knows he is safe now. No one is after him anymore. No one is plotting to drag him down into the hole he's clawed out of. He has people who will fight to keep it this way.

Kevin? Aaron? Together? My life can't get any worse than this by Artificiosus [Rated T, 2129 Words, Complete, 2022]

He takes a deep breath in. "Where?" "Where what- oh," Kevin replies. "Where?" Neil repeats, his heart rate is speeding up, he feels frozen to the spot. Dread? Fear? Whatever it is, it's locked him down. Kevin gulps.  ~~~~~ Kevin tells Neil that he and Aaron slept together.

Hey Look Neil, You Made It! by alexis_needs_sleep [Not Rated, 2224 Words, Complete, 2022]

7 years after Kevin agreed to teach Neil how to play Exy, Kevin shows up on Neil's doorstep with a long overdue gift.

Sticking with our Losers by Webaqoof [Rated T, 1647 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

Kevin dragged his ass from the front porch steps where he was laying down, ready to enter the house. He furrowed his eyebrows to find it still closed, because he clearly heard Neil ringing the doorbell. “Why is the door not open?” Neil brought his hand to his chin in a thinking posture. Which was funny because he never really thought anything. “I think it’s because one of the people in the house doesn’t like me much.”

Could Have Been Me by thornilee013 [Rated T, 1843 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2024]

Kevin finally voices a question that's been bothering him.

i should hate you, i feel stupid. by hynjinnnniee [Rated T, 3391 Words, Complete, 2024]

kevin experiences some complicated feelings after riko dies, and the monsters help him through it.

Naked-Fruit Chiffon Cake, one box by riri_a [Rated T, 2579 Words, Complete, 2023]

Kevin Day was having a very boring morning. Some might say his life was boring in general. Everything changes when a homeless guy with blue eyes decides to rob his workplace. Kevin thinks he's incompetent.

Tell Me the Truth by birthdaycandles774 [Rated T, 1948 Words, Complete, 2023]

The Foxes were staying at the winter banquet for both days, how boring. Andrew had gone to get ice for his drunk brother and cousin when he noticed two Ravens. So far from their nest, strange. He never expected to make a deal with the unannounced member of the 'Perfect Court' who only wanted him to protect Kevin Day. He definitely didn't expect to want the mysterious Raven to stay. The one where Neil was caught by the Moriyamas and is the one to get Kevin out of the Nest.

Kevin Day is keeping Celeste series by Twolipsliterature [Rated G/T, Collection, Incomplete, Updated Feb 2023]

Part 1: What never belonged to angels, Had never belonged to men [T, 1837 Words, Complete] Neil, Andrew, and Kevin are in Columbia for the summer following Riko's death. Needless to say, Kevin is not handling it well. When a breakup leads to a breakdown, Neil and Andrew must learn what it is to be a friend and how to help peice someone back together instead of being the one to break them apart

tw: alcohol abuse/alcoholism

Part 2: If I let you perceive me, do you promise to love me? [T, 11037 Words, Incomplete, Updated Feb 2023] The last thing Kevin expected to do after a messy breakup was immediately fall for someone. Yet, here he is, smitten and cursing himself for it. With more baggage and trauma than he can hide under his bed, Kevin is hesitant to open up to someone. How can anyone get to know him when he barely knows himself? Lucky for him, Celeste is very good at piecing things together. OR: Despite his best efforts, Kevin falls in love.

Part 3: A Lesson In Loving You, A Lesson In Being Loved [G, 4966 Words, Complete]

After months of sneaking around, Neil decides its high time Kevin introduce the foxes to his not-so-secret girlfriend. When it finally happens, he can't shake the feeling that there's something more to her that Kevin is missing...

A Collection of my varying AFTG short stories… by BasiliskCrane [Rated M, Collection, Updated July 2021]

Chapter 6: "your an idiot... " (G, 438 Words)

You Gave Me A Key And Called It Home by vinesse [Collection, Rated T, Complete, 2019]

Chapter 31: Scared, Me? (466 Words)

A Series of H/C One-Shots For All For The Game by carefulren [Rated T, Collection, Updated 2018]

Chapter 1: Neil Downplays How Sick He's Feeling, and the Foxes Step In Chapter 4: sick and problematic kevin trying to keep the team away from him, but the team ignores him

Art

kevneil arguing dynamic comic by @wuzeio

quality bonding time animation by @broresteia

weekly call comic by @bleepbloops

tramp stamps instead of face tattoos art by @koihoi

AU where Kevin meets Neil on the run art by @lucky-slice

[seafoamreadings]

week of june 11th, 2023

aries: a quiet week... unless, perhaps, you are prone to gossip. then you get a juicy one, or else you become the subject of it. maybe that suits you, though. sometimes it is good that people should talk.

taurus: in terms of your resources it is a great week, value of all kinds is flowing. the key is to not hoard, the key is to flow. in otherwise it is a broadly auspicious yet somewhat confusing period, as you begin to slip more out of your element for a while and with plenty of power dynamics shifting.

gemini: the quality of the time is very mercurial, very fluid without being watery, and it suits you well if you're really out there in the world using it. but it won't do to be sat too still and quiet, even if someone is trying to shut you up.

cancerians: this week's new moon is a dark night of the soul and/or a refresh new start as though you've been reincarnated like a phoenix. certainly these are not mutually exclusive. all that happens is for you more than it is to you. set honest intentions, and believe in miracles if that's what it will take.

leo: if the last couple weeks were rough, even in only certain ways, it should ease off this week. temporarily and slightly, but probably a welcome reprieve. take the opportunity to live as venusian as possible.

virgo: for virgoans on the fence about whether their stronger ruling planet is mercury or if it is ceres, this is a great week to check. ceres-ruled virgos should have a pretty easy time, with maybe a little relationship turbulence. mercury-ruled virgos would have a more hectic prognosis, not inherently bad but with many ups and downs.

libra: a new moon in gemini this week is a good opportunity to set intentions around your education, spirituality, and/or foreign or long distance travel. meanwhile it's a less-great time for romance and intimacy.

scorpio: the tones are less plutonic than they have been, so many around you will think things are going back to "normal" but you know that there is no such thing. if there ever was it's gone forever now. and maybe that frazzles your nerves or maybe it doesn't, but you're born to thrive in these circumstances either way.

sagittarius: your week is big mutable vibes, which at least will be easy for you to relate to. the new moon in gemini is a fresh start in your partnerships/relationships. which is sometimes good and sometimes not - depends on how you've been doing there!

capricorn: it's a week of tectonic mutability, much of which involves your ruling planet saturn. toothaches and joint pains are likely in your forecast, and then a new moon in gemini provides an opportunity to reset any habits that don't serve you, or personality traits you would like to tweak.

aquarius: everything that happens to you now is like a little tap on the shoulder. it's subtle enough that, if you are a bit distracted, you might not notice it. but it all means something, so it is good to try to listen.

pisces: saturn takes a little retrograde in your sign, but not before it is squared by mercury. it's hard to focus. actually maybe everything is hard. in many ways you are not of this world, but these things pull you back down onto it. give yourself little mini-escapes, so that you do not feel buried alive.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 11

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC New as of 8/02/2023

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: “We are just friends, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate…things."

In the weeks that followed, Dieter started spending a lot of time at my house with me and with Lauren as well when she came over. Things stayed strictly platonic between us for the most part. We were actually becoming very close friends. He had a way of brightening my day if it wasn’t going great and I think I often did the same for him. We seemed to put each other at ease without even trying most of the time.

Dieter had gotten into the habit of coming over around noon to workout. I often joined him during my lunch break when I wasn’t at the office. Some days, Lauren would too. He would sometimes take part in some of the ridiculous dance workout videos Lauren had conned me into trying. It often left us all in a fit of giggles because we couldn't take it seriously. He was particularly fond of the belly dance core training workouts. He made jokes about the hot woman in the video, but Lauren insisted he wasn’t watching the video. She knew what she was doing when she picked that one. She always had a mischievous grin throughout the entire thing. I told her she wasn’t allowed to pick ever again once that series was finished.   

After workouts, if I wasn’t at the office, he would shower then spend the afternoon hanging out while I worked. Usually laying around on the couch watching TV while we had occasional conversation in between my calls and emails. He often enjoyed listening to my calls, especially when I would have to be a little direct with people. He thought it was hilarious.

Most evenings, we would cook dinner together. It wasn’t usually anything fancy, but he seemed to enjoy it. He said he loved learning how to do new things and watching me cook because it helped him relax. It was all strangely domesticated for the both of us, but we embraced it.

As we were preparing one of our Friday dinners, Dieter announced that he wanted to have dinner at his place and invite his family and a few of his friends over for us to meet. I was a little apprehensive at first, but he assured me it wouldn’t be that bad. We agreed and he shyly asked if we could help him with the food. After giving him a hard time, we said we would be happy to help. He actually seemed a little nervous about the whole thing himself, but he tried to not let it show.

Lauren, of course, wanted to know if he had any single friends that weren’t “asshats”. He said he would have to think about it, but he later mentioned to me when she stepped out of the room that he was scheming something. He wouldn’t give me details, but he seemed pretty pleased with whatever he was cooking up.  

While the food was cooking, Dieter’s cell rang. He looked at it.

“Oh, good timing, that’s my sister,” he said as he stood from the table and walked toward the living room to answer it. When he started talking, Lauren and I were both taken by surprise as we listened to his distant conversation.

“Is he speaking in Spanish?” I asked her, wide eyed. 

“I do believe so,” she replied with a similar look on her face. 

“Great. Like he needed to be any more attractive.”

Lauren laughed at me.

“Now why are you saying things like that? You’re just friends, remember?” She said sarcastically. 

“We are just friends, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate…things.”

She rolled her eyes at me and shook her head.  Dieter momentarily walked back in the room and asked if the following Friday would be good for us. We both gave him a thumbs up. He was finished with the call soon after and came back to the kitchen to sit at the table. 

“Confirmed for next week. My brother is coming too,” he said as he gave me a wink without Lauren noticing. I raised an eyebrow at him, and he gave me a smirk. He was definitely up to something. 

“I didn’t realize you could speak Spanish,” Lauren said to him. She was about to make a thing out of this because she knew it would make me squirm. 

“Oh? I guess I never have while around you. Yeah, my family speaks in Spanish a lot. My grandparents and parents immigrated from Chile. So, it was pretty commonly used in the household when we were growing up. My grandparents spoke very little English.” 

“I’m sure the ladies love that. We happen to think it’s kind of hot when guys can speak other languages. Not something you get a lot of on the dating apps around here,” Lauren said with a devilish grin. 

I could feel Dieter’s eyes on me as he asked, “Is that right?” with laughter in his voice. I gave a noncommittal shrug as I got up to check the food that was cooking. I could feel my face heating up as it undoubtedly turned red. 

Lauren piped up to answer him, “It is right. That is definitely something you should keep in mind for future reference. Most women go crazy for that kind of thing.” 

When I turned back around, they were both staring at me, grinning. I stood still, my eyes shifted between them.

“Did I miss something?”

They both gave very suspicious “nope” in unison. I chose to ignore them and changed the subject. 

“So, what did you have in mind for dinner next week?”

“Well, we can probably just grill some stuff. I can handle that, or my brother can. It might be nice to have some appetizer type things though, you think? I’m not really sure. Entertaining is not my area of expertise.”

“Don’t worry about the extras, we can handle that part,” Lauren replied, clearly already making plans in her head. I sat quietly listening to her naming off different options. I was starting to feel more anxious about the whole thing. I hated social gatherings and for some reason the thought of meeting Dieter’s family and friends was even more nerve wracking. 

In the days leading up to the cookout at Dieter’s, I was getting more and more anxious about every detail. Lauren ended up coming over to help me pick out an outfit. We settled on a teal-colored sundress that still had the tags on it. It wasn’t something I usually wore, but she said it was perfect for the occasion, complementary to my tan, and made my eyes pop. She picked out some sandals, sunglasses, and a necklace to go with it. She pulled out a light blue bikini that had a macrame overlay. She insisted this one “made the girls look amazing” and would also look great with my tan. I wasn’t even planning to get in the pool, but I didn’t argue with her.  

We started prepping the food the night before. Dieter came over to help best he could, but he spent most of the time lost and just watching us work. I at least appreciated the effort and the company. Once we got to a good place, we loaded up everything in Dieter’s car and took it over to his house. It was the first time we had been there. It was a nice house, very modern and clean. It had an open floor plan with minimal furnishings and decor. All the walls and cabinets were white. 

“Dude, you need to add some color to this place,” Lauren said as she looked around. 

“I know, I still haven’t even fully unpacked since I moved in. I haven’t had much of a break to do anything until now. It’s depressing, I know.”

“No wonder you would rather hang out with us,” Lauren said with a laugh. 

“You should let us decorate for you. I think we could come up with something manly, yet stylish. Talia is good at interior design stuff,” she added. 

“Would you? I’ve only ever had apartments. This is my first house. I don’t even know where to start. It’s a little overwhelming.”

He gave me a hopeful look. How could anyone ever actually say no to this man? I smiled at his excitement as I considered it. It would give me an excuse to be around him more.

“Yeah, I could help you out with that. It could definitely use some paint and more furniture. Lauren could find some art pieces for you since you’re into that.” 

He gave me a brilliant smile in return as he led us into his kitchen, which was also sparsely stocked with cooking utensils. It was probably a good thing we did most of the work at my house. We put the food away in the refrigerator. It would only need to be heated up before being served. Once we had that squared away, he continued to show us around the house. 

“I had some outdoor furniture delivered earlier this week because I literally had nothing. My sister helped me pick it out. I think I drove her nuts with it. There’s no way she would make it through decorating the inside,” he said with a touch of humor to his voice as he led us out the back door. 

The outdoor area was nice and spacious. He had basically what equated to an outdoor kitchen, which was ironic considering he didn’t know how to cook. Next to the kitchen area, there was a large dark composite wood table surrounded by dark brown wicker chairs with cushions that seated at least 12 people. The pool was surrounded by matching lounge chairs and umbrellas. There was also a matching daybed with a canopy at the far end of the pool. A swing bed with matching cushions hung from a pergola in the shaded grassy area. The whole back yard was enclosed by a tall stucco fence and shrubs to block out prying eyes.    

“Well, this space looks nice. You guys did a good job,” I said to him. He seemed proud of his choice. He sometimes had the most wholesome childlike joy that emitted from him that I absolutely loved.  

“I do like the furniture choices. It’s very green back here though. You need some flowers,” Lauren added. 

“You sound like my sister,” Dieter said as he rolled his eyes at her, and he gave a small grin. “I already told her I would talk to my gardener about adding something with color that will hopefully make both of you happy.” 

“Good. I appreciate your efforts,” Lauren said with a teasing smile. 

“Anything for you, mi pequeño girasol,” Dieter replied as he mussed her hair slightly. 

Lauren didn’t even acknowledge the fact that he messed up her hair. She just stared at him, with a confused look. I looked at him with raised eyebrows.  

“Are you making fun of me?” she asked with an annoyed look on her face. Dieter and I both started laughing at her. She looked so offended. 

“No, it means ‘my little sunflower’. I’ve decided that’s my nickname for you. I give everyone nicknames.”  

“That’s sweet. I kind of love it,” she said while making her “aww face”.

��Wait, do you have one for Talia?”

I looked between the two of them, a slightly worried look on my face. Suddenly I felt butterflies in my stomach. Did I want to know this? 

“I do, actually.”

He looked a little nervous. He glanced at me and raised his eyebrow, considering if he should say or not. 

“Well? I’m not sure how I feel about your silence,” I said, giving a nervous laugh.

“Mi Estrella del Norte, mi luz en la oscuridad. Or just mi Estrella. I’ve had you listed with that name in my contacts since day one.” 

Lauren and I both looked at him wide eyed, then to each other, then back at him. His face flushed slightly, then he gave a small laugh before turning to walk back inside. 

“Hey, wait, what does that mean?” I asked as we followed behind him. 

“Maybe I’ll tell you one day. It’s nothing bad, don’t worry.” 

It didn’t matter how much I begged him; he wouldn’t tell me. He seemed slightly embarrassed about it. I briefly wondered if maybe it was something dirty and he didn’t want to say it in front of Lauren. He hadn’t said anything like that to me at all since we had started spending time together, so I had a hard time believing that was the case. In fact, he had been nothing but a perfect gentleman. 

We didn’t spend much time at his house since it was already getting late when we initially went to take the food over. He brought us back to my house, pulling in the driveway to let us out. Lauren got out of the backseat first, gave him a small wave saying she was excited to meet everyone tomorrow. As I went to get out of the front passenger seat, he grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. He smiled before leaning over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek, then told me to get some rest and not stress about tomorrow. 

Lauren followed me into the house to grab her stuff before leaving. I got the same speech from her about not stressing over meeting his people. That was easier said than done. It was nearing eleven once I got settled down and crawled into bed. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and found a text from Dieter from five minutes ago. 

DIETER: Goodnight mi Estrella. Can’t wait for you to meet everyone tomorrow. They’re going to love you.   

My heart fluttered a little seeing his nickname for me in writing. I was tempted to google it to see what it meant, but part of me really wanted to hear it from him. I felt like it was something that I NEEDED to hear from him. I wasn’t sure why. I decided against looking it up and I texted him a quick goodnight and let him know I was excited. I left it at that. I didn’t want him to know how anxious I actually was. I ended up laying there wide awake for thirty minutes, before I decided to take some melatonin to help knock me out. It didn’t take long for me to drift off once that kicked in.

I woke up the next morning around nine-thirty to the sun sneaking in through the curtains. I had had a restless night, waking up several times. It was going to be a long day and I had a feeling I was going to be worn out before it was over with. 

I groaned as I reached to get my cell from the docking station. Dieter had texted me around eight this morning asking if I wanted to run to the store with him to pick up some last-minute things once I was ready. I hadn’t really been out with him anywhere. For some reason, it put my stomach in knots more than it already had been. What if someone saw us together? What if someone took pictures of us together? Was it going to end up on TMZ with the headline ‘Dieter Bravo out with a mystery woman’? I hadn’t given these scenarios any thought until now. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I tried to push that out of my head. It was the last thing I needed to be worried about today. 

I sent him a quick text and told him I would let him know when I was close to being ready, then I headed for the shower. Once I finished and dried off, I put my bath robe on, then went to work on towel drying my hair some. I added a few products to hopefully help fight the humidity. I shot Dieter a quick text, letting him know I would be ready in about thirty minutes. 

To my surprise, he appeared in the bathroom doorway as I was drying my hair. I hadn’t expected him to come over right away. He leaned his shoulder against the door frame as he smiled and gave me a small wave. He watched me in the mirror. I gave him a small smile and a head nod back since I had a brush in one hand and the hair dryer in the other attempting to go for loose waves rather than curls. 

He continued to watch me for a minute longer, his mind clearly somewhere else. I watched him, standing there in his charcoal gray shorts and light purple tee with sunglasses on his head and flip-flops on his feet. I was immediately taken back to our time together in New York, causing a small ache between my legs at the thought. I rubbed my thighs together involuntarily as I caught his eye again. I hoped he hadn’t noticed that. From the way he was looking at me, I wondered if he was thinking about the same thing. He gave me a playful smirk before he disappeared from the doorway. The butterflies in my stomach stirred again. 

Once I finished drying my hair, I used my hair straightener to perfect the wavy look. I pulled the hair at my temples back into two twisted strands before securing them together in the back with a fancy clip. Then, I threw on a small amount of makeup to finish my look. I added a quick spray of perfume on each side of my neck. 

When I walked out of the bathroom, Dieter was laying across my bed on his back, scrolling through his phone. It occurred to me that he hadn’t really been in my room. The sight of him laying across my bed took my mind to places that it didn’t need to be. I had a quick mental image of us together in bed in New York. 

It was then he noticed me standing there in my bathrobe, staring at him. I was afraid to know what my face looked like at that moment. It tended to give me away.   

“Good morning,” he said casually as he raised up, still leaning backwards on his hands. The muscles in his chest and arms flexed against his taut shirt in that position. It was distracting for sure. I inhaled sharply and gave him a tight smile while murmuring a quiet “good morning” back to him as I walked toward my closet. 

“Sorry, I guess I came a little too early.”

I had to stifle a laugh at his comment. I needed to get my mind out of the gutter. He was biting his lip as he eyed me walking across the room. What in the actual fuck was he doing right now? He had to know where my mind was. I briefly wondered if his mind was there too. 

“No, you’re fine. I’m almost done. I just need to get dressed.”

I walked into my closet, closing the door behind me to change. I put on some cute white panties before pulling my dress on. The dress had somewhat of a low back and a halter neck, so I decided against a bra. It had padding built in anyway, so it was fairly supportive and almost made me feel a little indecent with the amount of cleavage it was creating. I gave myself a glance in the mirror, questioning my choice of clothing. It didn’t seem as indecent from the front as it did when I looked down from above. So, I decided to stick with it. I put my sandals and jewelry on, grabbed my sunglasses and tote bag with my bathing suit and other accouterments before walking back out into the bedroom. Dieter was laying back on the bed again, holding his phone up in front of his face. 

“You know, this bed is pretty comfortable. I might have to start staying with you. Maybe I might actually get some sleep,” he said jokingly. 

“Is that right?” I stared at him with a smirk, placing my hand on my hip as it jutted out to the side.

He sat up again, looking at me for the first time since I had changed. He seemed to forget what he was about to say while he looked me up and down. I raised my eyebrows at him, waiting for a response. He gave me a goofy lopsided grin. 

“You look nice.”

That wasn’t the response I was expecting. I smiled at him. He never questioned anything I wore or how I fixed my hair or makeup. He only ever complimented me, and I loved it. He seemed to always know what I needed to hear and when. He knew I would be anxious today. 

I did a little twirl for him as I said thanks. He walked over to me, seeming unsure of himself at first. He gave me a quick side hug and kiss on the head as he pulled me into his side. 

“You ready?”

“I am. I do have a question though, should I be concerned about paparazzi? I just want to prepare myself.”

“Ehh, it’s always a possibility. I can’t tell you it won’t be.” He gave me a small shrug and had a sympathetic look on his face. I took a deep breath and exhaled. 

“It’s fine. Not that big of a deal. At least I look cute today.” I shrugged, trying to not think too hard about it. 

“I’m sure folks will be looking more at you in that dress than at me anyway.” He laughed as he bumped his shoulder against mine. 

“Is it too much? I feel like my boobs are like up to my chin and on display in this thing.”

“I assure you, there is nothing wrong with your boobs.” He gave me a wicked smirk as he tried to not look at my chest. I closed my eyes and shook my head. 

“Ok, let's go then.” I blurted as I led the way out to his car. 

As we began driving, I started with my nervous habit of putting my right hand up to my collar bone and alternating between lightly tapping and rubbing at my shoulder. Dieter immediately noticed. He reached over, grabbed my left hand, and gave it a squeeze, before asking me if I was ok. 

“Yeah, just a little anxious is all. Social gatherings have never really been my thing, but I want to meet everyone that’s important to you.” 

“I promise, my family will love you. Just so you know, I told them to come a few hours earlier than everyone else. I thought it may help if you get to know them a little bit before the rowdy bunch shows up. I thought it might help you relax some.” 

I suddenly felt a little emotional. The fact that he had considered how I would be feeling in this situation completely took me by surprise. No one had ever done that for me before, except Lauren. I could feel the sting in my eyes. I had to blink several times to fight back the tears. I took a deep breath to steady my words before responding. 

“That’s very thoughtful of you. I think that may help me chill out some.” 

I wasn’t fooling him. I could feel my jaw tightening as I tried to switch to autopilot mode to keep my emotions in check. I sometimes found it hard to do this with Dieter because he was learning to read me so well. There was something about him that was beginning to force raw emotions out of me without him even trying. I was beginning to feel safe with him and it was making it hard for me to mask. He glanced over at me a few times. Instead of letting go of my hand like he typically does, he started to rub small circles with his thumb as he squeezed a little tighter. 

“Can you tell me what you’re thinking, please?”

“I- I wasn’t expecting that is all. For you to consider how I would feel and plan for it. I’m just not used to that.” 

“I never want to put you in an uncomfortable situation. If there’s something I can do to minimize it, I will. Always.”

I smiled at him as I set my right hand on top of our entwined hands and gave them a squeeze. We stayed like that until we pulled into the Target parking lot. Not saying another word. Sometimes I really did feel like he chose his words carefully. Like he was implying more than what he was saying. This felt like one of those times. 

Before he got out, he reached behind my seat to grab a hat. He put it on and pulled it down low over his eyes and put his sunglasses on. 

“Going into incognito mode I see.” He laughed at my attempt at humor.

“Hey, I do what I can.” He shrugged as he reached to open his door. 

As we walked in, he kept his head down and attempted to hide behind me even though he’s a few inches taller. I just shook my head at his antics. I grabbed a cart. We went down the aisles stocking up on disposable plates, cups, cutlery, and napkins and grabbing some prepackaged snacks since his sister’s kids were coming. 

After we grabbed an assortment of drinks, we headed toward the outdoor area to look for some ice buckets or a cooler. On the way, we passed the toy aisles. He had the brilliant idea to get the kids (and adults) some water guns. He got the biggest ones he could find. He then proceeded to press every “try me” button he could find as we walked by the toys. 

“You know, for someone who wants to keep a low profile, you are doing a really poor job of it,” I said laughing as I walked away quickly because people were starting to stare. He followed behind me laughing loudly at himself. He was having way too much fun acting like a man child, and I loved every minute of it. Though I would never admit it to his face. 

We finally found the outdoor area. I grabbed a few ice buckets while he started digging through the pool floaties. He thought it might be good to have some for the kids, because he currently had none. He threw several different kinds in the cart. 

“I hope you're ready to blow all those up.”

He grimaced, clearly not thinking that far ahead. I laughed at him and walked over to where I had seen some small hand pumps and air compressors. Picking up one of each and holding them out to him to choose. He gave me a serious look before saying, “Good call,” as he grabbed the air compressor and threw it in the cart. 

“I knew I kept you around for a reason.” 

I smacked his arm, “You jerk.” 

He laughed at me as I started to walk away with the cart in mock annoyance. By the time we made it to the register, we had an entire cart full of stuff. As we waited in line to check out, we noticed a couple of people a few rows over were staring at him. He turned his back to them and dropped his head down, putting his right arm across his chest while resting the left elbow on it. He put his left hand over his face as he knitted his brows together, shaking his head slightly. I glanced over and the people had turned away, fussing with the items in their cart. I reached up and gave his arm a squeeze. 

As we were loading up the trunk, I asked him if he ever got tired of being recognized.   

“Most of the time I don’t mind if it’s fans. I love interacting with them, but sometimes I just don’t want to be bothered. Especially when I am out with people. It becomes a hassle for whoever I’m with and I hate that.” 

“Makes sense,” I said with a nod. 

Once we got everything loaded up, he put the cart up, then headed toward the nearest gas station to grab a few bags of ice. After that, we were on our way back to his house in a rush because Lauren would be there soon to help with final food preparations. 

As soon as we pulled into his garage with Lauren not far behind us parking in the driveway, we were in a whirlwind to get everything ready. Lauren and I worked on the food using both the indoor and outdoor kitchen while Dieter got the floats and things ready for the kids. Then he filled up the ice buckets with the ice and drinks. He helped us with the food the best he could once he finished everything else. I think all he managed to do with the food was make a mess and laugh about it as he claimed he was a lost cause when it came to cooking. 

Before we knew it, it was time for his family to arrive. My anxiety had started to ramp up as it got closer to time and I had less things to do to keep me busy. I think Dieter could sense it because he came over and pulled me in for a side hug. He laid his head on top of mine as he thanked me for the help. Just as he pulled away, the doorbell rang. 

Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl, @bitchwitch1981

[theawkwardterrier]

2023 fic roundup

MCU

Year by Year

Academic Antagonism, Scholastic Strife

Working Women

Have Yourself a Scheming Little Christmas

Outlander

Unexpected Gifts**

Pure Heart, Clean Hands*

Bake On

Bad Roommates; or, Stocking on the Door*

The Envy of Care*

Better Broken Hearts Than Broken Bodies**

The Intimidation Game**

Nature and Nurture*

What We Have, What We Keep*

First Gifts**

What We Have, What We Lose**

Reflections*

On the Road (Too Far, Too Long)*

A Particular Habit*

In Care Of*

Awakenings*

Not Alone**

Four Thoughts During a Separation*

In the Act**

After the War Is Over (Will There Be Any Home Sweet Home?)

Never Leaves You**

Polyglot Pride*

Bits and Pieces**

Sword and Shield*

Make History*

Soon, the Sight of You*

Baby Proof*

S5 Series, cont.*

Slow, Someday Sisters*

No Matter How Far*

Roots and Wings

Over Matter*

Small Joys*

Future Tense*

Healing Hearts*

Enough? Enough*

Connections*

Comes Around*

All Illuminated*

Genesis*

Dialogues*

One Last Time*

Fathering*

Side by Steadfast Side*

In His Multitudes*

By Heart*

Living Up*

Beyond Keepsakes*

Are and Become*

Marching On*

Family Means*

Far and Ahead*

Forever in Peace*

As Houses*

All Tied Up**

Hope’s Smallest Seeds*

Only in Dreams*

Parenting and Partnership**

All the Ways Home

Home and Away*

Vine and Fig Tree*

Familial Peas**

In the Light and the Shadows*

Gifts*

In the Operating Room*

All the Shattered Pieces*

Moments of Thanksgiving*

Anchors in Absence*

Relation**

Let the Circle Be Unbroken*

Morning Moments**

A Reception**

A Slow-Motion Storytime*

Particular Prescriptions*

Always Been Forever*

* drabble

** Laird’s Room ‘verse

1. Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?:

As I continue my journey to not caring about this stuff: who knows?! What I will say is that I wouldn't have necessarily predicted that I wouldn't participate in certain fandom events that I traditionally have over the years, but that my list is super lengthy because I have kept up with my weekly drabbles and I've also transitioned to doing more chapter fic than I have in the past.

2. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?:

No real surprises this year, but I did do quite a variety of drabble POVs rather than sticking to my single ship, plus it might be somewhat unexpected to see that I wrote kid!Natasha + kid!Sharon Carter dual POV.

3. What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?

Muscle Memory was technically still posting in this year, and I'm super proud of a lot of that story, but I also have quite a fondness for a lot of the character work and family/feelsy moments in All the Ways Home.

4. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Posting Roots and Wings!! I think that what I learned is that I'm allowed to just post what's interesting to me and what I want without thinking about reception, but also and perhaps contradictorily that sometimes the things that I like and want to experiment with will also appeal to people.

5. Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?

Finish and post the Great Depression fic

Keep up with my Wednesday 100 drabbles

See if it feels good to go back to some additional fandom events or to start working with some new fandoms/ships - generally use what feels positive to me as the gauge for what I should do rather than expectations or the desire for recognition in some way

6. From my past year of writing, what was…

Story Most Underappreciated by the Universe:

There are easy reasons and explanations for this (it's short and really recent and potentially a little weird) but probably Have Yourself a Scheming Little Christmas.

Most Fun:

Academic Antagonism, Scholastic Strife! I still don't know that the trope super works in the way that I played it, but I like it anyway.

Most Disappointing:

I don't know that there's one that really fits here for this year, but maybe Roots and Wings specifically because the pacing is slightly off - I couldn't find anything to sort of fill in to balance the slower beginning with a slower ending rather than montaging the second half.

Most Sexy:

Oof, maybe I'm just tired, but I don't know that I had any super great sexy scenes this year?

Hardest to Write:

Lol, all of them? My depression hit super hard midyear and made it really difficult to focus and connect enough to complete All the Ways Home.

Most Unintentionally Telling:

The fact that I'm focusing so much on parenthood, specifically fatherhood, and family moments is definitely saying...something. Do even I know what it is? No guarantee!

Choice Lines:

Haha, I have no idea this year. I love my stuff but also it would be a bit out of hand to try to quote many of them. If you have favorites, I'd love to hear them!

[kigozula]

By Your Side: Sokkla Saturdays 2023

Day 4: Winter

AO3 & FF.Net

Lovers liked asking questions they knew the answers to. Only to hear their loved one say it out loud.

Continuation of last week

Another Sokkla Saturdays is coming to an end. This year things turned out slightly different for me, but as every year, I enjoyed taking part! Thanks @sokklasaturdays for holding this event! Already looking forward for next year!=)

All day wanted was for this moment to last forever. Enjoy the warm embrace longer. However, luck wasn’t on their side which was to be expected. When Katara went into Sokka’s room, alarmed, Azula had an idea of what happened.

“Prince Zuko and Prince Lu Ten are here!” Katara said.

“What does he want?” asked Sokka rubbing his eyes.

His question caused both girls to look at him unbelievably.

“Oh, yeah…” he said.

Sokka took Azula’s hand.

“No matter what happens, I will always be with you Azula. No one can force you to anything.”

They walked out to see Zuko and Lu Ten in the living room.

Lu Ten gave his cousin a meaningful stare but smiled.

“Maybe we should leave brother and sister alone.” Kya said.

Sokka held Azula’s gaze  while walking out. She gave him a nod and only then he left the igloo.

Once everyone was out Zuko talked.

“Being reckless doesn’t suit you Azula.”

Azula folded her arms narrowing her eyes.

“Says the Prince who keeps pulling reckless stunts for Mai.”

Zuko raised an eyebrow. Did his sister really admit that she felt as strongly towards Sokka as he felt for Mai, his wife? He knew about Azula’s feelings but hearing her indirectly admitting it was another level.

“I will cut this short: I support you.” Zuko said.

“You?” Azula asked skeptical.

“Yes” he replied, “Do I never?”

“Yeah, sometimes you do.” she said.

“Chief Hakoda, Uncle Iroh and Lu Ten are all by your side. Father was forced to come to Kyoshi Island.” Zuko said.

“Wait! Support what exactly?” Azula asked.

“You are marrying Sokka.” Zuko said.

“What…” Before she could continue her sentence, Sokka ran into the igloo.

“Azula! Did you hear that?” he gave her a powerful hug and swirled her around, “Father told me we can finally marry.”

Azula was confused, happy, excited, and scared at the same time. She looked at her brother and he smiled.

...................................

Fire Lord Iroh made efforts to convince his stubborn brother to put an end to bad blood with the Water Tribe and finally aligned. Hakoda was ready for it. Everyone else was except for Ozai. He went mad in the Fire Nation first. Yet it was worth it in the end. After a long discussion, Ozai halfheartedly agreed. Ursa tried to calm him down so Azula wouldn’t see his anger once they met.

Azula entered his room on Kyoshi Island along with Sokka. Ozai looked disgusted at his soon to be son-in-law, already disliking him. All these years they never got along well.

“Out with you. I will speak to my daughter alone.” He said harshly.

Again, Sokka looked at Azula first and left the room once she assured him she would be fine with her eyes- He made sure to graze his knuckles at Her’s while walking out.

Despite it all, the talk between father and daughter went well. Ozai said, she could marry Sokka, but he wouldn’t truly see him as his son. That was enough for Azula. As long as she wouldn’t have to choose between her family and the man she loved, all would be fine.

Before another fight could escalate, Azula and Sokka told their families, they would marry on Whale tail Island. It was a beautiful place without habitants. And it was near to Kyoshi Island, where they all stayed during meetings. They would mix both nations traditions.

.............................

A dream was coming true. Evening arrived, candles were lit. Whale tail Island was about to witness the most beautiful day, the reunion between two lovers.

Azula and Sokka deserved it. Years of struggle and heartache was finally coming to an end.

Their respective families were already there. Close friends were arriving one by one. Uncle Iroh was the only royal missing from Azula’s family. Since he was Fire Lord, he couldn’t just sail half of the world. He made sure to send the pair a luxury gift with congratulations letter.

Admiral Zhao arrived, his distaste towards Sokka clear in his eyes.

“Congratulations Azula. You certainly could have done better. But we will support our Princess anyway.”

Sokka scowled at the comment.

“You are right Admiral.” Azula replied smirking sideways at Sokka.

“What the?!” Sokka squeaked.

Zhao chuckled and walked to take a seat.

“Azulaaaaa!” Sokka said.

“What? He is right. I could do better.” she said, acting innocent.

Sokka stopped and thought about it.

“Yeah, you truly could.” he said looking down sadly.

Azula laughed and hugged him, giving a kiss to his cheek.

“I love you Sokka. You are perfect for me dummy.” she said.

Sokka already lightened up when she kissed him, smiling and looking at her.

“I love you, you are the one who is perfect Azula.” he said giving her a peck. “Even if you like messing with me.

Many of their family members congratulated and hugged them. Lu Ten gazed at his cousin. Katara gave them both a short speech with teary eyes.

Mai and Ty Lee arrived too. Zuko never left his wife’s side. Ever so careful. Azula’s eyes went to Mai’s visible bump.

After a hugging session Azula asked how Mai was feeling.

“I’m faring well. Can’t wait for the baby to arrive.” She said with a smile.

All of them smiled. Mai suddenly smirked her eyes set on Azula and Sokka.

“Well, seems like Azula will grow a baby bump too soon.”

Zuko gasped and looked unpleasant.

Azula was slightly taken a back and Ty Lee clapped.

“Well, well!” Sokka was smirking too, side eyeing his soon to be wife.

Azula blushed and Sokka chuckled.

“You two deserve happiness. Finally, all of us can have a peaceful rest not that you guys are marrying.” Mai told them earnestly. Which made Zuko smile fondly too.

Soon the ceremony began, and they finally married. Clapping and laughter filled the island.

The first dance was romantic only for Azula and Sokka.

Soon Hakoda danced happily with his wife. Ursa urged her husband to dance too, but the prominent scowl on Ozai’s face while he watched his precious daughter dancing with her husband couldn’t make her enjoy the dance fully. Yet she still smiled hugging her husband.

Although Sokka’s eyes never left Azula, he saw a sight that made him wince. His sister was dancing with Aang.

It didn’t last long, and he was gazing at his Azula again. Her arms around his neck, his firmly on her back, foreheads touching they danced away as a married couple…

[wildstar25]

wolgraha week 2023 - Day 1 : First Kiss (pt.2)

[<- Part 1]

[Arsay]: Whenever I return to the Rising Stones and I see the tower off in the distance, I think about my latest adventure and wonder how you would have reacted to the tale. I’d imagine how you’d drop everything so I could take you to whatever Allagan ruins I had found. What fun we would have had together, if only you were awake... 

[Arsay]: Tell me G’raha... Before, in Kholusia, were you speaking true; you still want to go on adventures together, even after all this time? 

[G'raha]: … It’s slightly embarrassing to admit without my guise of a hooded stranger, but yes, I meant it all. Since we first met, I’ve dreamt of nothing more. 

[G'raha]: A dream it shall remain however, as much as it pains me greatly to say. My strength is tethered to the tower; my actions forever constrained to its stationary location. As well, the people of the Crystarium need me more than ever as we move forward into a new era. I cannot simply abandon them now that my quest is complete. 

Despite being granted the opportunity to live once more, I nonetheless have but a fraction of the freedom you possess, Arsay.  Most importantly, by the looks of it you’ve already found a more than capable companion to travel by your side. 

[Arsay]: Funny thing, that. I suppose... I might be the type who prefers to have a companion walking on either side of her.  

So, we talked about it. About us. Gave her the whole story about how I left things all up in the air between us, and well, to put it in her words: “I’d be a fool to leave a stone un-turned.” 

[Arsay]: Again, you’ve gone off deciding what’s what before ever asking everyone involved. 

[G'raha]: Ha. Right you are. Bit of a bad habit at this rate. In my defense, I could never have predicted you'd give a response such as that. 

[Arsay]: Really, G’raha? You should know by now that I’ll always keep you on your toes.

[G'raha]: It matters not, Arsay. Be it firing off a perfect arrow on your first try, to re-writing history itself; the numerous capabilities of my Warrior of Darkness will never fail to surprise. Regardless of expectation.  

[Arsay]: Is that so... 

[Arsay]: Then, perhaps one of my many capabilities could be changing the mind of the all-knowing Crystal Exarch?   

[G'raha]: Might that be considered a fair response? For all my wealth of knowledge, this is one subject in which I am sorely lacking....

And to be truthful I’m still unsure how this will all work out. I have my trepidations; but if it’s what you really want Arsay, I shall put my faith in you once more. 

[Arsay]: Thank you, G'raha. I promise you no matter what this adventure brings us, we’ll be able to face it. 

[G'raha]: Together?  

[Arsay]: Together. 

-FIN-

[sweepseven]

The only thing I’ll thank this unseasonable warmth for is the early approach of the outdoor flying season! I just looked back on my 2022 trapeze goals and laughed aloud. I missed like every single one of them and yet had a blast of a flying year. To review...

2022

Actual stated goals:

Fix my takeoff once and for all. Finally getting this where it needs to be is going to improve literally every single other thing I do on that bar. No more bad habits. No more wasted sweeps back. I WILL have a clean, confident takeoff that reflects the quality of the rest of my flying. And when I do, it’s over for you hoes. (LOL, looks like you hoes live to see another day, because these still kinda suck. They did get marginally better though! The journey continues.)

Work remounts. Every. Single. Class. (Did it!! I feel so much better about these now. I still don’t relish them, but they’re consistent, confident, and stronger than ever.)

Make peace with my uprises. I’ve let one peel off the bar rattle me too much for too long. Uprise tricks can be my signature again if I quit treating them like a bitter pill and start treating them like what they are: something that sets me apart from many of the people I fly with. (Kind of did it but giving myself credit anyway. They’re still a bitter pill but they look way better than they did this time a year ago.)

Take my hocks salto out of lines again and keep it there. (Ha, no. They’re still good, I just put my focus elsewhere and I’m glad I did.)

Take my double out of lines. (Again, ha, no. Like with hocks saltos, my focus ended up being elsewhere. They’re looking quite good though, and catching them grows more and more frequent.)

Bonus goals:

Force-out turnaround?? (Saving this for this summer because I don’t trust my current lines pullers as much 🙃)

Front end uprise?? (I watched another flyer throw so many ridiculous and scary ones that I didn’t even want to be on board with her, much less throw them myself. Eesh.)

Find a new “for fun” trick now that hocks saltos have accidentally become real (Success!! Suicides!! My dream trick for more than ten years, even before I started flying, ever since I saw it in this exact trailer - 1:24 if you want your breath taken away. It’s simple, elegant, dangerous, and fucking scary. I adore it.)

More catch locks!!!! Let’s go!!!! 3+ after class whenever possible. (I did some! Not a ton! But some!)

Make uprise, cast off, half turn part of the warm up routine. And when I get there, with multiple uprises 😈 (Every time, baby. It is extremely gratifying to watch prior years’ workouts become my warm-up.)

Shit I ended up doing without thinking: 

Tried aerial cradle, the first and only thing I think I could love more than flying trapeze. It’s a good thing I can’t train it here or else it would derail my entire life.

Tried bungee trapeze. It was the most physically challenging thing I’ve done in years and I adored it.

Threw some genuinely good double pikes.

Trained with two of the best trapeze artists in the entire world.

And for 2023...

Fix my takeoff. Again. Always. Forever.

Force-out turnaround

Double out of lines

Hocks salto back out of lines

Make my suicides bigger, scarier, and dramatic as hell

Replace uprise/cast off/half-turn warmup swing with uprise/cast off/suicide 😈

Make more new trapeze friends ❤️

[maevemuan]

Maevemuan Woof Meow Place

88 Petra St, Bicton Western

Australia, 6157 Australia

30 January, 2023

Ms. Aergia Green

WM Prisoner Cell No.78

89 Petra St, Bicton Western

Australia, 6157 Australia

Dear Aergia

I am sitting on the balcony, writing this letter to let you go. You are my first, but I really cannot let you be my last. It is hard for me to say that I cannot be with you anymore.

I would be lying if I told you I am not going to long for you anymore. I had so much joy when you were around. I remember the first time we met, you made me feel free and relaxed. When I was with you, I felt like I did not have to worry about anything. You accepted me for who I am, and you have never asked me to do things I did not want to do. However, there is a massive chain wrapped around my body, formed by your support. It kept pulling me away from good things that could happen in my life. Every time I turned into you, I always missed something that was important to me, and that is not your fault. It is just me who relies on you too much, and it became my bad habit. I cannot stop imagining how my life would be if I counted on you less than I used to.

Therefore, I realized that I should not keep you with me anymore. I think our lives will be better if we let our relationship go. Thank you for the lesson that you have taught me. I have learned so much from you, and I will keep you in my memory forever.

Goodbye,

Maevemuan

[that-cunning-witch]

What happened to (almost) all of my altars?

TLDR: I’m taking a break from worshipping/working with all of my deities and focusing on figuring out my craft, spirituality, and religion. I’m not going away forever :^)

The end of a year is a time of shedding old habits, ways, thoughts, beliefs, and self to welcome new knowledge and ways of being.

As 2022 is coming to a close, I’ve come to realize that my spiritual/religious beliefs are all over the place and not in a good way. I’ve shifted what I believe in over the years and I’ve not done a single proper cleansing/exorcising of these old beliefs, so they’ve just lingered on my altar of self and have collected dust, bringing in more and more dull and negative energy over the years.

I have unresolved religious trauma, I have ancestors I haven’t talked to in years, I’ve been letting my bad habits taint my relationships with deities and spirits.

So as of today, I am letting go of all of my deities... for the time being. Not in a possessive manner, no, as one can never “own” a deity’s time and energy. But rather, I’m no longer going to be worshipping them or working with them. 

Will I abandon them forever? Probably not.

Think of it like the Hermit card in tarot. This is my Hermit moment.

I need to get my shit together and figure out what I truly believe in. When I come back, things may be totally different.

Will I still use electronic altars, or e-altars? Who knows. The reason why I use them in the first place is because I don’t have space nor the accessibility to do so, as I am a college student living in the dorms with other people. 

Am I abandoning the Greek pantheon? Absolutely not. Queen Persephone is my patroness, so even if I don’t go back to worshipping Apollo, Hekate, Aphrodite, or Eros, I will still be worshipping my patron... or patroness. Whichever one it is.

I’m making this post for two reasons:

1) To update everyone on why nearly all of my blogs are now password protected and titled “this altar has been taken down”. 2) To show others that it’s okay to do something like this. 

What about this blog, the main one? That’s a good question. I’ll let everyone know once I figure it out.

What is my spiritual path looking like at this point in time? (Not that you need to know, but I’m writing this down so I can look back on it, kind of like a public diary).

Take cunning folk magic, aka english/british folk magic, replace the anglo-saxon pantheon with the greek pantheon, and remove everything christian except for the angels. Perhaps ancestors will be in the mix, but that may be even further down the line.

Once I get my spiritual shit together, I will explain every part of my craft and why. Why the greek pantheon, why cunning folk magic, why only angels, etc.

This blog never had the intention of getting followers. I wanted to honor, worship, and work with the deities I was with at the time, and this was the only way I knew how. 

But for those who did follow me, thank you for deciding that you wanted to take a peek into my craft. I want to make the main blog more active, with book recs, spellcrafting, personal experiences, and more.

So goodbye 2022, and hello 2023.

[newcountryradio]

New Country 27e jaargang  #T1217(S776) (C20)van 19 februari 2024  (wk 08) uitzending op Smelne fm & Crossroads Country Radio

Album van de week:  Corb Lund – El Viejo         

Classic album :  Charley Pride – Just Plain Charley

Hits of the Year : 1980

Maandfavoriet :  tim McGraw – One Bad Habit     

Maandartiest : The Bellamy Brothers 

The Bellamy Brothers – Dancin’ Cowboys   *maandartiest

Toby Keith – American Soldier     #1 20 jaar

Morgan Wallen – Thought You Should Know    # 1 2023 

The Castellows – Heartline Hill

Nate Smith – Bulletproof

Kacey Musgraves – Deeper Well

Noah Kahan - Forever

Dan + Shay – Bigger Houses    

Nate Smith - World on Fire  9w    #1.

Corb Lund  -.The Cardplayer     Album vd week

Corb  Lund -  When the Game Gets Hot  *album

Miranda Lambert - Automatic        2014

Mac Davis – It’s Hard To Be Humble - 1980   

Bryan White - So Much For Pretending     

Merle Haggard –   Workin’Man Blues      

Tim McGraw – One Bad Habit     favoriet 

Tyler Wood - Gotta Have Love  sofi

Charley Pride   - I'm So Afraid of Losing You Again    classic album

Charley Pride - Me and Bobby McGee

The Howdies - Hello Jukebox.

Jaime Wyatt - Back to The Country

Alison Kraus – Forget About It  (3 in 1)

Alison Kraus - Paper Airplane  

Alison Kraus - Baby Now That I Found You   

Corb Lund - Redneck Rehab Album van de week

Toby Keith - I’m So Happy I Can’t Stop Crying      #1 album.

Drake Milligan- I Got a Problem.

Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton - Purple Irises  

Tim McGraw – Don’t Take The Girl  live.

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band – Baby’s Got a Hold On me

 Red Simpson – I’m A Truck     Trucksong

The Bellamy Brothers – Sugar Daddy  _ maandartiest

Brandy Clark Ft. Brandi Carlisle  - Dear Insecurity    juweeltje 

Gabby Barrett - Dance Like No One’s Watching *Album vorige week

Corb Lund – El Viejo  .  Album vd week .

Douwe Bob - This World Is Our Home     Dutch corner

Joe Buck - The Way You Take Time     .Dutch corner.

Ilse De_Lange_-_You Are The Reason      Dutch corner

Ben Steneker - Hert Fan Fryslân

Willie Nelson - Yesterday’s Wine

Don Williams – I Believe in You     1979

Eddie Rabbitt – I Love a Rainy Night . #4

Johnny Lee – Lookin’ For Love t. #3 

Dolly Parton – 9 to 5 -  #2

Kenny Rogers - Coward of The County   #1

Freddy Weller - Games People Play

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

370 of 2023

I’m really cold right now. I cleaned my room earlier today. My favorite cereal is Apple Jacks. I can see out the window from where I’m sitting. I’m a senior in high school. I hate fast food burgers. I take my showers at night. The last color I dyed my hair was black. I still sleep with a stuffed animal. I have a piece of jewelry that means a lot to me. I changed the calendar to February today. I woke up before 12:00 noon today. I’m on a laptop right now. The walls in my living room are white. I’m more afraid of snakes than spiders. Ice cream is my favorite dessert. I have a bad habit of biting my nails. I have my hair in a ponytail the majority of the time. I like to read mystery books. There’s nothing playing on the TV right now. But I am listening to music. My favorite animal is something domestic. I have broken a bone before. I am a fairly decent cook. I can’t cook, but I love to bake. Sometimes I get jealous of my best friend. The website I’m on most often is Facebook. I took a picture of myself today. I have taken part in a Walk For Hunger. I used to be a girl scout. I am wearing something red right now. I usually go to bed sometime after midnight. I wish I could stay my current age forever. I have never had a boyfriend. I have been a member of my school’s marching band. I play the flute. I enjoy being under the water more than on top of it in a swimming pool. I really want to buy a new cell phone. I have read at least one Stephen King book. I sing in the shower if/when other people are home. I do not like skinny jeans. My favorite fruit is strawberries. I finished a book this week. I like musicals. I have naturally curly hair. My nails aren’t painted. I’ve seen the movie Blades of Glory. I love to play video games. I play solitaire on my computer when I get bored. I don’t live in the United States. I have a picture of my boyfriend in my room. My walls are covered with posters and pictures. I’d rather listen to CDs in the car than the radio. I have a bunch of woods in my backyard. I am afraid of heights. The Faculty is my favorite alien movie. I’ve been to Florida. I’ve written a love poem before. I had a swing set in my yard when I was little. My parents are both republicans. I love the movie Finding Nemo. I love Simon & Garfunkel. I have similar musical taste as my parents. I saw Avatar in 3D. I wish that I could move to the city. I’m going to a Super Bowl party next weekend. I own a pair of oversized sunglasses. I love guys that have brown eyes. My family gets cable from Comcast. Google is probably my most visited website. Country is my favorite type of music. I no longer go to high school. I’ve read the book 1984. I love oreo cookies. The Notebook made me cry. I’m going to eat dinner soon.

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 30 - The End of Everything - 18 March 2023, 12:25am

Well well. We've made it to the 30th entry, and we're two days away from the fifth month of active gender questioning.

I... don't know what or who I am. That much is obvious. I still can't help but feel like it's a mistake. That somehow, somewhere down the line, I'd be called crazy for wanting to be a girl - something I'm not.

And, as far as I've been thinking, maybe... I don't have to transition. I am... comfortable. Somehow.

There's a certain stability that comes with being your AGAB. You don't have to re-learn the social norms of the other gender. You won't get judged for trying to be you. You... kind of know how to deal with not being you. And, maybe that stability is just what I need. There's no telling what estrogen would do to my brain, and... I just am too tired to find out.

If anything, that single strategy of me asking cis guys what they felt towards girls, or wanting to be girls, has backfired - I no longer see myself as someone valid. I see myself as subhuman. Someone with a defect. Someone who's doing this for attention, or faking it, or just someone who's been affected by social contagion the same way some people turn up with Tourette's, after being exposed to content of that nature on Tiktok.

Maybe mom was right - I am indeed too young to decide these things for myself.

I can't seem to break my bad habits - I've once again started hoarding pictures of the lives of the girls around me again, even though I promised myself that I'd never do that. I don't know why I do it. It's not to gawk at them or blackmail them. I... just... do it. For no apparent reason.

I've started looking at the girls around me in my environment again, and started feeling jealous of them.

I can't take this any longer.

Maybe I'm letting being trans be too big of a deal in my own life. Maybe I'm just autistic or have some manner of obsessive behavior, and letting being a girl be my next big ‘project’. I'll never know.

I might not be able to relate to other guys. I might not want to be a guy. I might not be able to see myself as a guy. I might want to be treated as a girl, but all those don't mean anything.

I could just choose to... not be like that.

I'm fine, in isolation. I could live like this. I could live, as long as I don't get the reminder that girls exist. I could get by not looking at myself. I could get by without a relationship.

I still don't know what's wrong with my mind, and I likely never will.

...

I'm... sorry.

For all the wasted effort.

For the wasted time during our meetings.

For being me.

I'm sorry, that I treated you people as a way to get the answers I wanted.

Maybe this was the thing that would come - I said I couldn't scream into the void forever.

Maybe I've finally locked her away or killed her for good.

But I don't know. I... don't want to know.

...

My brother said I was on the precipice of a choice, and... he told me to get the stuff living in my head rent-free, out of there.

Yes, that includes the things that other people have said to me, which include the overly-warped version of “<thing> doesn't mean anything”, among other things.

I... refuse to believe that this entire decision comes down to being happy - I'm not happy, if you haven't noticed it yet.

...

I can still see their faces. Each and every one of them, frozen in time.

Aurelia. Alicia. Autumn. Amanda (multiple Amandas). Elaine. Hazel. Letty. Melanie. Karie. Lynette. Cheryl. Florence. Carlyn. Minn. Rachel (multiple Rachels). Felicia (multiple Felicias). Jolene. Jolie. Tricia. Jean. Jacqueline. Stephy. Geraldine (a teacher). Ewanne. Ain. Dawn. Sonia. Isabel. Jo-Anne. Isabella. Amelia. Natalie. Sarah. Alinda. Shernice. Alyssa (multiple Alyssas). Alyx. Anastasia. Elise. Beryl. Glenda. Denise.

my... relatives, and family.

Mom.

Celeste.

Anikke.

Violet.

Bernice.

...

Lynn.

...

With each name I recall, I faintly see their face in my mind's eye. Faint. But still there.

The list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on. I've only listed the girls whose names wouldn't out where I went to study, or who I used to study with. There are more whose faces I still remember, even after my tongue has forgotten the shape and contour of their names.

...

how am I ever going to be normal?

...

How am I ever going to redeem myself?

...

i wish i could forget. to be taken back to yesteryear, a time when I have yet to figure any of this out.

But I can't. This memory is my curse. A personal hell - my personal Ninth Circle. It's a burden for me, and only me, to carry, till the end of everything.

...

Till next time.

[colorguardsweetheartblurrsgirl]

I'll always Rememeber...

Dont Regret Your Final Chance:

(Live Not to Regret Hello & Goodbye)

~BB 3/2023~

A Poem Dedicated to Auntie J passed away March 4, 2023 Edmonton, Ontario, Canada.

I know you've heard it once,

Maybe a thousand times before.

If not from me than others lips.

And if from me I'll reiterate once more,

A thousand times on every breath,

Till you get why its baid of Great Importance,

To have many poems spoken and read.

For these are words I live by,

And Find with Thanks and Sadness .

Time and Again,

On every second

Upon each day

And every maddening minute.

Even the all to garish grueling mileseconds...

Someone with lose just met or since long passed

Screams upon the heavens now,

Filling the sky with Their regrets and howls...

That sought, unable to be relinquished....

At least by the ones they wish to speak it.

Here, I meet with painful regencies,

I either find what are words said last

Even I desire.

Could be said a final air to their last breaths.

"All I wants," and "Wish I coulds"...

And those that aren't enough.

That's when I crave most,

To go back in time for just one minute

To say the words I wished had come!

I want to say, for a final time.

Words I said and never said upon my very lips.

A final time,

That's all I ask.

Knowing this hope is a waist.

Who am I, and my desire?

To those thousands who came to beg,

For a final time each and every day!

Never ending pleas to speak,

A habit....

A need...

Since Cain's Envy wrang Furry, bearing down precious Abel till deads willed command;

And Joseph's Colors fed the Jealousy of his Brothers pias victories!

Even long after time has come to pass,

It's just a hope we mortal bare.

We all but kreen in sore agony.

These Silly and Fickle things.

This too shall pass.

It is again a harbored plee.

A hope that's pains from burdened remains,

Lasting ready to damn.

Breaking and torturous,

Ordering us upon our knees,

We weep, oh sorrowed bleed.

It's for you!

Them!

Someone that once was out there!

To tell "you" with purpose one last time,

"A FINAL TIME!"

The single moment we all but pleed.

No matter where we had left.

Where is our bookmark, to pullout & hold?

Our highlights & Notes?

Our Mark's to Author; dare change this?

It's too cruel.

Leave it happy.

Bittersweet.

Give them a conclussion.

A victorious satisfying resound...

Where's our resoluting closure?

If you were a villain,

Or a hero,

To my life;

In my life or others,

I only Wish...

For those that bitter memories remained

To have spoken and told you...

Your worth in truth, yes bad, But good.

And made fitting the good.

So you knew not all, we care and hold....

Not all is bad.

Regaurdless I still am full of One Emotion...

A branch of a tree.

A grain of sand.

A seed to sow.

A spool to spin.

Yarn to thread.

A blanket to wrap.

A dress to wear.

A shirt to love.

Yes that's all alone.

A single tidbit.

Remaking remarks since you left.

A lone strong morsel.

One single seed.

Just one...

Alone.

Itself.

No one else.

Nothing less.

No more.

It carries such weight.

What is alone, and holds a valley and ocean,

Still bares mountains and valleys alone, in your place?

What's One...

One...

A tree...

Its harvest...

Its roots...

A seed.

One single seed alone, that's to large for man.

That is Love, that grows and fosters gardens, forests, valleys and oceans.

Far more enduring then any plants from before.

The love, a seed, I hold for you ever since the last.

The Love I spoke the last we saw.

The love You may believe.

The love you may jest and deny.

Or fail to think to be Genuine of heart.

Or true and fare.

But love the same I bare for you.

That forever I declare the quell will last.

Even if you no longer care.

What is this love?

Does it give hate?

Hold disdaine?

Does it mock?

Or look down upon?

Bemused, it thought better of you.

No!

For love is strong!

Mightier then all!

Stronger then storms!

But it bares not wrongs!

The love is words,

Not the ones you think,

Or may have put on my lips.

I dare not ever cast to tickle an inkling.

And claim shame if I did.

I wouldn't think to say, if it matters all the same.

For you deserved my respect and love.

I will never speak I'll of that.

No matter what time should pass.

What are these words if not pias and ill?

What is this love wracked with guilt and loss?

Not hate, nor vile, only longing that linguires,.

I wish to speak, every one, but no ear-

No yours aren't hear to listen.

You know, they were spoken before

The last we Saw, with the same love and care.

No matter the pain or suffering,

You did to me,

And Others I fear,

I dare not claim deniability!

These words of love, I praise to those,

The memories oh dearest as ones young,

Spoken only to a few...

Owned-

No casted on the windful spirits,

Lyrics heartsoaking felts of the voice.

Owned by many and few, in whispers and howls...

Granted in blessings and laughs...

In tears and praise!

We all own it, so I'll remind you their meaning.

A devotion to you....

To loved ones;

Strangers

And those who still dont Quiet Understand.

As years go by I will regale both the Good deeds and Bad.

The Ugly and Blessed.

The Beauty & all Ill Tread.

Retell the tales with adventure, horror, tragedy & fear.

Great champions pain, hardship, and tears...

Even I who look to others well,

Not harboring curses or urge of dances on graves;

It's not for me to call the wrath of dead slumbering in their caves.

Remember I am human... and young.

Still learning no matter how old I become.

I say with regret, not all retellings will be...

Well... the best.

Some I fear...

Could hold a hint of my raised nosed heartaches that maim and rear.

Hear me out, It's all in goodwill, no jest!

I promsie I mean it well and fare.

See I'll end it...

My retellings and tales, all in tears and a laughter.

Despite what you think, I never held the crossbow, arrows or a crossed ire your way!

I could never hate you!

Far from it you see.

You may have disapointed,

But like a Shepherd & Son,

I held my arms out, n' always forgave my dear one!

It's not for me to Shepherd a Heroines tale!

For what are we in life?

If ones a hero, they must be the others villain!

But for me, I see it both ways and neither the same.

We are all people, babies stumbling over each toe.

Wobbling feet stepping one,

Then the other,

And tumbling cartwheels ahead.

Getting up,

And Starting all over again.

No one holds immaculate perfection.

Your only human, as am I the same.

Were making cartwheels and learning,

How one foot can carry the other.

I don't want the future to hate you.

Despisals not even a thought!

Those who were yet to know you, Can't cast the stone.

For even if the bad is said;

I will steal the stones from their hands;

And spit to my feet what comes from that of my own lips.

For those stones I hold turned to ashes & sand,

Each time others put them in my hands!

I do not bare what they witnessed & seed.

Or cast stone epithets to law as they retain the anger they own.

I understand both sides and it burdens so.

I can see the pain!

The jealousy!

The angor!

The fear!

I understand the loneliness you must have held,

With no mere comforters of callers coming near,

No one who could listen or hear.

If only empaths & opaque powers were real,

They'd see the one cowarding, crying out;

In oh so much heartache & misery.

Suffering pain.

Oh child of forgotten hearts,

Were you:

Afraid,

Alone,

Crying inside?

I pray you knew in your last days you are loved.

And have always been.

For we cared.

We care....

I care...

I loved you A LOT!

I knew you never meant to bring this hurt.

Or sow the pain that strangled,

Planted and festered stern weeds they brought.

It was imploding for your pain was so...

Great!

Even oceans can't see how vast!

It was only by destroying or hurting,

That you knew to motivate and carry on.

It's why I'll end on a pleasant note

Even when I retell the bad.

I'll leave it with this made clear as a newly creamed diamond before its cared.

I do not hate,

Despise,

Cry Vengence or retrubution;

For I DO NOT Hold it against you.

These are not my stones nor there's.

This is not 'The Futures', claims as heir,

To the Rotten spoils-the sinful riches of their forefathers 'The Past's'!

I devoured the good.

I saw the hurt.

I could sense the pain.

I knew your want for the love you craved.

Regaurdless to those-Our final memories

Even if they may leave a sour noted taste...

Dont worry I carry dear,

Something all too closely preciously deer.

A promise for me,

I made oh so little.

That you should listen and keep close.

I made a vow as a girl.

A girl whose eyes bore witness of what comes to pass.

A keepsake I learned as one to see death,

And great this friend well, when ones to young to fear the fella.

I stand a stranger, a friend, to a friend like a sister.

Watching a little girl oh so young,

Get sick,

Then Heal,

And in winter wake once to say "Farwell!"

But Summer greet her precious "Hello" to that good night.

Leaving us with the rain, the monsoons of Fall.

That winter came the shivering grey to cold.

We forgot we'd missed a Spring & June.

A lessened learned, by a keepsake she gave.

"Give me when next we play!"

I now only greet her in my dreams.

She taught me well, a lesson I know by heart!

A novel, My first twelve years knew not to quell.

I know thanks to her;

Greetings know a great many tragedies,

Just how easily the tips of fingers slip in the grasp

And a simple regailed farewell could be the last.

How a thought to tell them tomorrow,

Is not a gaurentee,

And one can vanish by summers eve.

I've seen it all disappear when the dawn comes night,

And Dusk turns day.

You see, again,

There are no gaurentees,

In the words we speak to our fellow man.

We have no right to command the heavens.

Daring our demand for one instance from their last breath.

Things I learned as a young girl I take with me.

I teach others each and every day.

I cast in my heart as a teen,

Young women,

And now grown Adult-

Whose still a little girl,

Curiously walking within a vast great world.

No matter where we go.

Like a wise one once said,

"Never end the night in angor or fights.

"DO NOT GO TO BED ANGRY!"

Or with Angor, Pias, and Hate in your eyes.

If morning comes the heart with sorrow weeps!"

One cannot start a Good new day with furry to their core.

You do not ask a song bird to fly and sing,

If they should have a broken wing.

To that I say think not ill of the dead.

They've suffered and it's long past-

Or dare marry the buried with viles of malice, anger, and curses ridding under your breath.

Do not let them slip while alive,

And leave with anger in your eyes!

Treat every greeting like the first,

Even if it's to your harkened enemy.

And no matter how it goes,

Treat your goodbye like their last,

As if you are saying "Hello," when they meant the most.

For no matter the time,

Days, weeks , months or years

This truth never changes or passes the rear.

Till once again you face them again,

You cant forget, "again's" may never dawn for You

Or

Them!

So I speak as a thousand

A million,

And trillions before!

Speak with love,

And nothing more.

I speak with full heart,

As one whose Loved and Lost before.

As a child who bore sadness,

Who cradled A boy, while a child under ten

When her mother pulled him from a wreck

Her medical training skyrocketed by tens.

A boy you know,

In a way we all have.

Innocent and frail.

With whispers of fame to follow.

A potential young lad,

At his charming years, a heartthrob and cad.

Fighting to near death

His head cracked open and eskew,

Seeing things no human or six year old,

Ever should face or do.

Me and a best friend holding a kid...

A few years on us, dying, in our laps.

Having to tell someone, and calm those older

Realizing an argument was their last moments!

Yells, and screams... of sibling type things.

Then they crashed...!

And it all rained down fast!

A girl who heard his brothers girl cry,

His elder, the driver, whailing for more time,

Time he may no longer have to speak...

To his baby brother.

"I'M SORRY!!!"

"I MEAN IT!!!"

"I FORGET YOUR JUST A KID!"

"PLEASE MAKE FUN OF ME AGAIN!"

Two kids witnessing, forsaken in distress.

Harken in, you never know if it's the last.

Insanity at a wreck, inconsolable in fret.

I witnessed teenagers, giving lessons...

As a young kid, feeling brain juice leaking in the lap.

Forgive me a moment, while I talk of one other

I speak with intent, to another well owed....

For he gave me the time, his final breath sewed...

He lived...

He is...

Remembered both near, there, in that small town..

A highway marker off I-5 late July or june

Forever red stained, the honors of...

A hero reclaimed!

Whose last breath he owned!

I speak as a girl named for her grandfather

A namesake; if only its meant for a woman.

Who with his last breath

Aware he would die

Similarly crashed his car

And insured no more bore injured, death or cried.

His wife would survive

So my Nana would be there

To see their Youngest Have a child come winter!

For this, For Him, For the child not much older...

I owe them to pass on this lesson.

A lesson they taught before I took breath,

A lesson learned when my school years were near.

A lesson they and others since.

Ensured I knew well and never...

FORGET!!!

Imagine my words,

Think upon the image,

What lesson could a girl learn,

Especially of two tragic accidents?

A child myself, holding onto another.

Listening all around to:

Wails & Moans,

Screams...

Holy pleads, 'O god please saves...'

And a boys struggle, battle, breaths fighting final or for another!

What could be learned in chaos?

Hearing screams of begging to speak?

What lesson in others screaming for something

For the chance to say "They Loved him,"

Again?

And I, my lesson before I held a breath...

What lesson does my grandfather teach,

When I regale this plead to my fellow man.

I born on the sacrifice of a Grandfather...

A man....

A father to his wife and daughters...

What lessons he teach?

They teach?

A youg girl teach....

Me?!

Before I...

Should understand?

Before I...

Came to know by my first breaths,

Before I...

Held words upon my lips.

Before I...

Crossed the threshold of school?

Being the lifeline,

The one Born on Tradgedy

To see a fellow friend cross into death...

It's thanks to them, I'm covered in shroud by their lessons.

I hope you take, as I'm screaming it loud and clear.

You'll never know just when you'll again say

"I love you" With sincerity,

Or will it, should it come to pass.

Before again it is to late to speak.

You are lost at the remains of a "Goodbye,"

You cant take back.

When a warm "Hello!",

Is what you wished remained the last.

I part these words,

My grandfather gave his wife,

Both actions and words atoned in verse:

"I love you my dear!"

And with that I end, my solemn request.

But bare me a moment,

To say a final passage of thought.

I'll explain once more,

I can not advocate enough the meaning

The emphasis

And desire of these words.

"Do not go to bed with anger on your heart!

Do not let your goodbye hold Malice & Rage!"

The Gaurentee you have,

Is THIS moment and JUST THIS!

When you part each other, remember...

There is never a gaurentee.

Tell them you love them!

You May not agree.

You may hold distaste.

But fill your heart with the good.

Let go of the emotions holding you down.

Smile and wave.

Give a hug;

Strong handshake.

Pat on the back!

High five,

And nod with joy.

Tell them I love you! No matter what!"

"No matter, this, don't forget "I love you Man!"

This I swear...

Make sure they know it.

And end with this.

Imagine for once should you never get the chance

What would be your wish?

For this is how I live my life,

It's the reason I encourage others....

End with love; greeting a new day!

Fill it with hope, show them you're there.

Tell those you care for,

Those who mean something & anything.

Who left you something good,

No matter how small.

What they mean, should they part.

Tell them now, whether burdened by rage & hate.

Take a moment to freeze, calm;

Leave them with a heartfelt

"Regaurdless, I love you-

No matter where we're at!

Dont forget that I mean it!"

DON'T SWEAR!!!

Or act a cat.

Remember, You never know when...

It is the final chance!

"I LOVE YOU I SWEAR!

I'll never forget Both the Good & the Bad!"

In remembrance of Auntie J.... RIP and God Bless, I pray God gave you peace, wrappped you in loveing embrace and you find pure happiness....she Passed away on Thursday March 4, 2023

I'll always Rememeber... thank You Aunt J for the love you shared and teh artistic works you did make that I'll always treasure. I wish I I have told you so you could hear I meant it despite everything thst "I love you, and always will and till we see each other again I hope you have just amazing fun adventures!" These words I always meant and I dont know she always believed them. But it's TRUE. And I'll forever miss her and regret how many years passed since she last let me tell herr them.... (Bare with me update as to the bad news noted above and my recent absences on the site)...

So Hey guys, sorry... Been away... got a bad fever a week ago, just after recieving news of a sudden unexpected Family Death. I wanted to post this that day, saying it may be a bit before I could post. But between getting sick days before my 104 year old grandma came to stay with us. I kinda got wrapped up in stuff and stayed away from socials for a while....

So instead of the poem I intended.. I will tell you a bit about my Aunt J since I dont knwo when I'll be able to talk with her or express these feeljngs. (who I think about anytime I go to a famed chain US fabric store, because it literally is her name...)😉🤣😂 My Aunt J (technically cousin, but called her aunt cause older then my mom & aunt) sadly passed away on Thursday March 3... And no joke two days before mom and I spoke of her out of no where and the day before she passed my dad literally washed a blanket her mother knitted for their wedding and was going to call in a week or two and say he was watching her Hockey Team play the Seattle Kracken while sitting wrapped up on/in it. (They both are mega sports enthusiasts).... none of us knew she was sick or had even a hint of this so it came to a surprise to all of us how randomly we brought her up and in the same week we found out she had been sick and died. So when the news came on Thursday after all this I was in a state of shock and sadness...

Although family relations with her have been iffy...😬😬😬 Uh... that's a understatement (😒😒😒😔😔 to say the least, no joke!), I always looked to her optimistically purely with love, I saw a hurt lonely person who just didnt know how to express or ask for support or love.😊😁

My fondest memory would be going to Edmonton, Canada (where she lived) at her house full like a shop of the largest collect of Antique Porcelain dolls I swear I've ever seen, and also ceramic dolls.

Apparently I loved it as a kid.🤣😂😅😅😅😅 Bbbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttt...

😅😅😅

As a teen,😬😬😬 it was cool... ish... till.... well...😅😅😅 That visit she had me spend the several nights in the room that was her mothers where her mom passed away!!! 😬😬😬 and with all the dolls and not to fond of horror movies any sound I head and the fact that I saw a few large spiders one of those nights on the ceiling had me SCREAMING.!!! 😅😅😅

She, unsurprisingly, never had us over after that, I was a 15 year old... and not so surprising it took me a few years to ever trust being in a family members house and having my own room on vacations after that...😅😅😅

I dont blame her. It was nothing against her just I saw one too many horror movies that scared me then.... I really always felt super apologetic for that. And having my folks in the basement which was larger space and room is also what set me off then... cause only help I had would be walking the giant steep old house flight of steps like walking into a dungeon to tell my folks like a child I was scared to had a gaint spider or two hav ik ng fights above my head on the ceiling... also didnt help hav in ng the "I cant tell anyone I'm scared, I'm no baby....but that thing scares me!" teen phase also going st that time.😒🤣😂

What can Iij say...?🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️😂🤣😅

Homegirl, doesn't like spiders at least back then, I've grown more accustomed to them despite my somewhat extreme allergies to many bite.

I intended to write a poem with this. Still may, but recently been hard at work (staying up dawn to dusk when my grandma Mimi decides she wants to get up and watch tv... love her, shes funny and only laughs when I tell her its night [psst... unlike others in teh family she knows I let her get away with it, cause I dont want to overstep as youngest of 1st gen of grandkids... oh and shes very lively still]😉😍🤩 I love her shes hilarious. Even when I worry for her she makes everyone smile.😍😁😁...

I'm hard at work, got things cleared up and alot of house projects almost done so I've been working hard on the comic and story lately. Should she. A updated post soon. Also Kinda got sick several times in February which is the reason I've been so MIA lately. Ontop of getting sick right after thsi news and just before my 104 year old grandma came. Shoulda seen me zoom in ng around trying to disinfect everyo ik ng in the day before she came.😅😅😅 SUper Blurr.😅😂🤣

Been trying to get better to pump stuff out. Got alot of upcoming work, so stay tuned and thanks again for your patience. Bellow is the only blanet I knew the current location of. It was my baby blanket, and despite families look to her as a villainess antagonistic lady I appreciate her good qualities and only wanted to support that side and hope she would improve and better. I only ever wished the best for her cause I loved her despite how she acted. And always appreciated these things she made out of love. As their reminders to teh good I saw jn her. This is the baby blanet she made me. Sadly wish you could ahve seen it when it was nicer and pristine last ten years the nice satine really detiated but it wasnt a color I really saw anywhere else it was really pretty. If I ever find a photo that shows heo it usee to look with the satin I will. I tried to show the double side this blanet had to just to appreciate her craftmanship when she could make such. Enjoy

[Uh if you read all this, funny while correcting I ddi write a poem.... just to lazy to take out say ik ng I didnt... its not what U intended would ahve been more based on the quilts and blankets if I wrote the kne I originally thought of when J intended this post... but It works all teh same)

[woodworkingpastor]

Be reconciled to God -- 2 Corinthians 5:20 – 6:10 --  Ash Wednesday 2023

In the Christian classic, Dark Night of the Soul, medieval mystic Christian St. John of the Cross exposes the aspects of our faith that are mere pretense: all the games we play to convince ourselves that we are something other than completely dependent upon the grace of God. We have a bad habit of portraying our faith and actions in the best possible light. Excuse and justification are our native tongue. John of the Cross will have none of this plain, heathen mischief.

Referring to the practice of Christians in monasteries having a confessor—someone with whom they met regularly to confess their sins and seek guidance for faithful living—one example John gives is how the sin of pride becomes a stumbling block:

Many…desire to be the favorites of their confessors and to become intimate with them, as a result of which…they are too much embarrassed to confess their sins nakedly, lest their confessors should think less of them, so they palliate them and make them appear less evil, and thus it is to excuse themselves rather than to accuse themselves that they go to confession (7).

I could go on, but perhaps you get the point. We have a tendency toward spiritual vanity that prevents our honesty about our need for reconciliation with God. It is always easier to believe that someone else’s sin is worse than our own.

Ash Wednesday is both a reminder and a discipline that disavows us of that error. We cannot only evaluate our faith by looking at it from the end when we will be forever united in Christ. Our discipleship is strengthened by remembering where we were and where we are as we have answered Jesus’ call to, “Come, follow me.”

This is Paul’s point in our Scripture reading for today. Paul had a tall task with the Corinthian Christians:

He needed to translate faith into terms persons for whom the Gospel is both foreign language and foreign culture could understand.

He needed to confront their many and obvious sins—behaviors that were considered normal for where they lived. Paul couldn’t appeal to a sense of shame for these actions, because people had no shame about them.

In all of this, Paul refuses to deviate from the message: “Be reconciled to God.” That’s it. Be reconciled to God. Borrowing a term from the legal world, reconciliation begins when persons with seemingly irreconcilable differences arrive at the negotiating table and ends with those persons in agreement that extends to the finest of details on the new terms of relationship.

This is us. Our differences with God were irreconcilable until Jesus became our reconciliation. Our Easter faith begins in earnest on Ash Wednesday.

Ash Wednesday strips away the pretense, the arrogance, and the spiritual laziness with which we examine (or don’t) the life that we share in Christ. It doesn’t cut to the chase with the hallelujahs of Easter Sunday and allow us to rest on the laurels of Jesus’ victory over sin and death. Even as Christ’s work has already been counted to our benefit, Ash Wednesday invites us to move more deeply into the love Jesus has for us and gladly do the work of owning the truth that we are the righteousness of God. Our spiritual practice must contain a healthy dose of humility.

Over the past few weeks, many people have watched a tremendous spiritual renewal/revival that happened at Asbury University in Kentucky. A regular, mid-week chapel service that contained (by the preacher’s own admission) a very mediocre sermon simply didn’t end. People kept worshipping Jesus. The gospel choir came up to sing their closing song and the song continued for days! Lives were changed. People traveled across the country to bear witness and take part.

One word that has been repeatedly used to describe this event was “humility.” People came to worship in humble honesty, trusting that God would receive them, transform them, and walk with them. They came as sinners in need of grace; as faithful disciples wanting to go deeper in their commitment to Christ.

That is our invitation this Ash Wednesday: to come to Jesus in humility; to leave behind all pretense; to repent of the plain heathen mischief that we use to justify ourselves, and that we will be received with love and grace. We cannot avoid the fact that we are dust, and to dust we will return. We can trust in God’s power to make that dust into something beautiful and useful in his Kingdom.