#35 missing assignments 35 due this week

[anteaterthinksabouteatingants]

god I hate this class so much it's almost unreal

[verystressedcollegestudent]

if there's one thing i hate more than slackers in group projects its goddamn hypocrites

[pupintransit]

Hey folks! My little corner of the internet has been getting a lot of attention lately, so I'll start by saying I appreciate everyone who is leaving comments across here and Bluesky, and to the folks who have been asking me about my experiences. It's rewarding to be able to chat with folks about a trans experience they aren't familiar with, and even to help others on their own journeys. So, thanks <3

I do get a handful of questions more than others though, and I know that not everybody is going to feel comfortable reaching out privately to ask stuff, or will have the time to go through my archive of blog posts to find an answer to what they may be curious about it. To that end, I've decided to write a FAQ about my experience with my gender identity and with my gender affirming surgery. This is a living document and will be updated as we go.

1: WHAT SURGERY DID YOU GET?

I opted for penile-inversion full-depth vaginoplasty, and saw Dr. Brassard at GRS Montreal for the procedure. My care at their site was suberb, and I have absolutely no regrets!

2: ARE YOU ON ANY HORMONES?

Yup! I take testosterone injections once a week. I have no plans to begin estrogen or any other feminizing hormones. The testosterone is to maintain my masculine gender presentation and keep my bones healthy.

3: WHAT IS YOUR BMI?

At the time of surgery my BMI was 37. GRS Montreal had a cap of 40, although most other places hover around 35. Check with your surgical team if they have any BMI or weight restrictions!

4: ARE YOU A TRANS MAN?

Nope! I was assigned male at birth. I used to call myself an AMAB trans masc, and while I think it's still a useful label to describe my experiences, it is (ahem) a touch controversial. I try to avoid introducing myself that way now and opt for simply nonbinary instead.

5: WHY DID YOU GET BOTTOM SURGERY?

For as long as I can remember I hated my penis and testes. They were in the way, they looked so strange being affixed to me, and having/seeing the buldge they created in my pants made me feel like such a creep. Growing up girls made me jealous because they had vulvas, and when I learned what trans men were in my late teens that envy intensified because they essentially had my dream body; a man with a pussy. I was well on my way to thirty before I realized what I was experiencing was dysphoria, and learning that I could do something about it without being femme was an incredible relief. It's easily been the best decision I've ever made.

6: WHAT DOES SEX AND MASTURBATION FEEL LIKE?

I dunno about sex just yet, but I can tell you with confidence that being penetrated with a dildo feels amazing! And don't even get me started on clitoral stimulation, holy shit. It's like everything that isn't your body just vanishes. You become a vessel for sexual pleasure. My penis never made me feel like that, and I don't miss it.

7: CAN YOU ORGASM?

Yup! I feel the same muscles contract that I did when I had a penis, only now it's focused on a smaller area due to how those muscles were rearranged during the surgery. I don't always cum, but when I do it's much thinner than it was with my penis, and doesn't rocket out of me like it used it. Instead it kind of flows out like a river.

8: WHAT WERE THE STEPS TO GET BOOKED FOR SURGERY?

I had to obtain a single surgical readiness assessment (basic informed consent stuff) in addition to getting everything okayed health-wise by my general practitioner and my surgery team. Once the assessment was sent in, my surgical team got in touch and a few back and forth phone calls later I was booked!

Some countries and clinics have different requirements, so this might be universal to your experience. Double check what you need to acquire before making any appointments!

9: WERE YOU ON HORMONES BEFORE SURGERY?

Nope! The new WPATH standards indicate that it's no longer a strict requirement, but having said that some countries and clinics are still picky about it. Double check what those requirements may be for your region before booking anything!

10: WHAT WAS RECOVERY LIKE?

Sucked! A lot! People heal in different ways and I am not remotely qualified to tell people how to avoid or mitigate pain. If you've ever had an invasive surgery before I'd wager it'd be comparable, but that's a question better geared toward your regular doctor.

11: DO YOU STILL DILATE?

Not only do I still dilate, I will have to dilate for the rest of my life. It's not comfortable per se, but the more you heal the easier it gets and the less often you have to do it. It genuinely isn't as big a downside as people think.

12: WHAT KIND OF BOTTOM SURGERY SHOULD I GET?

If you have to ask that means you're not sure if you want this, so the answer is none of them. At least for now. Take the time to unpack why you're considering lower surgery, and see a gender-affirming therapist who can help guide you. While the regret rate for gender affirming care is miniscule at best, it can still happen and you need to be prepared for what you're getting into. This is not an easy decision to make even when it's the correct one, and it's certainly not an easy recovery. "I don't know" isn't good enough.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Intake: Jameson

CW: Dehumanization, implied future pet whump, implied future noncon, discussion of masochism, drug use, honestly all kinds of fucked up implications happening here

SUBJECT: 334235M

DATE OF ACQUISITION: 10.31.20XX

TIME OF ACQUISITION: 11:45 PM

LOCATION ASSIGNED: FACILITY 001, BERRAS, [REDACTED], USA

PREVIOUS ALIAS: Jonathan Bartow Willowtree

AGE: 21

DATE OF BIRTH: 07.07.20XX

HAIR: Dark Brown

EYES: Brown

HEIGHT: 5′9″

WEIGHT: 150 lbs 

SEXUALITY: Pansexual 

DESIGNATION: Romantic

KNOWN SKILLS: Subject reports regular workouts with weight-lifting and cardiovascular exercise being of particular focus. Subject reports average if uneventful sex life. Subject’s school transcripts showcase a 3.78 GPA through high school. No college education.

HOBBIES: Subject, when asked about hobbies, asked if ‘tripping’ counts. No other reported hobbies. 

KNOWN CONCERNS: Subject is aggressive and curious, demanding detailed answers after reading enrollment brochures and meeting with WRU Acquisition Representatives. Subject insistent on Domestic or Platonic placement, but his temperament is not suitable for either. Subject could be a physical danger to more submissive trainees if not kept separate from them. 

KNOWN IMMEDIATE FAMILY: Lucy Bartow Willowtree, maiden name Weitch, mother. Robert Willowtree, father. Both alive and residing in Klamath Falls, Oregon. 

SIBLINGS: Henry Willowtree, brother, two years older, deceased. COD: homicide. Yolanda Willowtree, sister, four years younger, alive and residing in Klamath Falls, Oregon. Brendan Willowtree, brother, six years younger, alive and residing in Klamath Falls, Oregon. 

Note: Henry Willowtree went missing 10.15.20XX in Bend, Oregon after night out with Jonathan Willowtree. The two argued prior to disappearance. Henry’s remains were discovered three weeks later. Local news article about the murder for reference is copied and attached to file. Keep in mind during early memory loss in case of hallucinations common to trainees.

OTHER KNOWN FAMILY: Joseph and Marjorie Weitch, maternal grandparents, both alive and residing in Klamath Falls, Oregon. Paternal grandparents: Subject would say only, “Fuck them.” Any other relatives: subject refused to elaborate.

METHOD OF ACQUISITION: Voluntary. Subject placed call to WRU Acquisition Hotline and requested to speak with one of our Acquisition Representatives. Meghan Planterson spoke to subject multiple times over three weeks prior to voluntary acquisition. Planterson reported acting more as “grief counselor” than is usual for new potential trainees. Planterson currently on medical leave and can be reached at home. (Planterson resigned effective 01.05.20XX) 

ACQUISITION DETAILS: Subject initially arrived on 10.30.20XX having ingested controlled substances prior to arrival, and was turned away until the next day. Subject returned on 10.31 and insisted on signing contract “as soon as possible”. Subject did not require any time to consider options, insisting, “I’ve been considering my fucking options since Hank died, give me the fucking papers and take it all away.”

ASSIGNED HANDLERS: 

CONTRACT SIGNED: 11.01..20XX 2:15 AM

           PRIMARY: Hogan Danforth, Senior Handler and Processor, Specialization Special Requests, Romantic Division - Masochist Training

           SECONDARY: Connor Manning, Senior Handler and Processor, Specialization Special Requests, Romantic Division - Masochist Training Support

SIGNATURE PROVIDED VOLUNTARILY, SUBJECT NOT SEDATED FOR SIGNING. SUBJECT SHOWED NO VISIBLE SIGNS OF INJURY AT TIME OF SIGNING. SUBJECT REPORTED FEELINGS OF TIREDNESS DUE TO TIME OF DAY. SUBJECT DID NOT REPORT FEAR OR UNCERTAINTY.  

CONTRACT SIGNATURE: Jonathan Willowtree, aka 334235M

PRESENT AT TIME OF SIGNING: Handler Connor Manning, Badge #5689, WRU Attorney Nathaniel Lewis. (Note: Karen Renford, Director of Client Success and Satisfaction, reviewed contract on 11.01 and approved.)

ESTIMATED COST FOR TRAINING: $100,000 USD

COMPENSATION PAID BY PROSPECTIVE:  $500,000 USD 

ADDED FEES: $50,000 MASOCHISM TRAINING FEE, $50,000 ADDED CONFIDENTIALITY POST-PURCHASE

AMOUNT PLACED IN TRUST FOR SIBLINGS AT SUBJECT’S REQUEST: $100,000 USD 

CURRENT LOCATION: Special Requests Room 014, post-signing contract

REQUESTED TRAINING: ALL Positions 1-35, Flexibility, Sensitivity, Endurance, Masochism, Self-Defense, Pet Play

COMMENTS:

This one’s going to be a fucking handful, I can tell you that right now. He’s voluntary, but as soon as we wipe all the bullshit out of his head, he’s going to fight us like a rabid dog. I can tell, he’s got that look. Says he’s here because he can’t live with his brother’s death anymore. Big deal, people get murdered every day. I guess maybe getting murdered by a serial killer is a little unusual. I should stick to the facts. He’s going to be trouble. So we need to focus right off the bat on taking trouble and making it beg. He’ll take well to masochism, though. I’m going to get him talking before he’s on the Drip and see what I can learn about what Jonathan Willowtree likes in bed. I bet I find something real useful for Connor and I moving forward. Honestly, after this long on the job… I can just tell. - Hogan Danforth, Sr. Handler, initial report

I concur with Hogan. I’ve had a short visit with 334235M and he’s going to spit fire all over us once he doesn’t just sit around moping about that brother. I for one plan to make the most of everything this hot little number has to offer. - Connor Manning, Sr. Handler

Yeah, or you’ll cuddle and show him your cat like you did the last guy. - HD

Just jealous that we both know the masochists always like me best - CM

Handler comments are meant to be only for official business related to processing the subject. Any further personal elaborations will result in unpleasant consequences. Consider this a verbal warning. - Karen Renford

-

@astrobly @burtlederp @finder-of-rings @whump-tr0pes @raigash @moose-teeth @orchidscript @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @eatyourdamnpears @boxboysandotherwhump @vickytokio @whumpfigure @outofangband @downriver914 @justabitofwhump @thehopelessopus @butwhatifyouwrite @yet-another-heathen @nonsensical-whump

[amarantine-amirite]

The Missed The Point Club

I had a rough first day of ninth grade. The teacher gave us work rather than introducing herself. She assigned us the following project: read about the working conditions of Chinese laborers during the western expansion of the United States. Put ourselves in their shoes and write a letter home describing what we just read.

The week went by, and we all completed our assignments. The due date rolled around. Before I left class, the teacher asked me, “Heather, did you complete your 1860's letter?”

“Yes, I did,” I replied.

Now, here’s the twist. I wrote my letter in Chinese. I did so for the sake of accuracy. I do not think that a Chinese worker putting in the transcontinental railroad will have command of English comparable to an American ninth-grader. Ergo, I wrote my letter in Chinese. In hindsight, this may have been a mistake. It did not go over well with the teacher. “Heather, this is racist!”

“No, it isn't. You said to be historically accurate, so that's what I did.”

By that point, the teachers' patience wore thin. She started to flail her arms. “Heather, this displays the horrid stereotype that Asians can't speak English.”

“It's the 1860’s, they're lower-class people who've just moved to the United States, and they're building a railway. You should even be lucky they can write at all!”

I’m not wrong. During that period, only about 35% of Chinese men and a paltry 5% of Chinese women could read and write well enough to be considered literate; and the bulk of those who could read and write were members of the upper classes. Of course, one can argue that the numbers are meaningless because we don’t know whether the definition of “literate” means “you can read and write your name“ or “you can communicate through writing as well as through speech.” That, however, is tomorrow’s problem.

Today’s problem is a teacher who got upset at nothing. She ran off like a centipede missing 98 of its legs. I looked around. I gathered my things and left the classroom as quickly and quietly as I could.

How was I supposed to know that combining what I had learned from outside the classroom with what we were learning in school would upset the teacher so badly? If anything, she should be happy. I’ve never seen any of my peers integrate knowledge like that.

Around a month later, I received an apology letter from that teacher. She said in the letter that she overreacted and that I got extra credit for completing the letter in Chinese. I couldn’t believe it at first. How do I know you're telling the truth?

I'm not asking this because I'm paranoid. I'm asking because I've had people not mean what they say and if I defend it by saying that it's figurative. I'm going to lay something down that will shock you: nothing is figurative. It's either literal or a lie. You're not "pulling anyone's leg", you're telling a lie. You don't "grind someone's gears", you make them angry. Either you mean what you say or you don't. There's no grey area.

I know because I'm painfully literal-minded. I am awful with figures of speech. I take test questions in school way too literally. And I misinterpret what other people are thinking all the time. I consider myself the founding member of the Miss The Point Club.

I'm used to people saying things they don't mean. If someone says they're being polite, it means they lied. If someone says we'll be right back, it means they're going away forever. If someone says that I'm being too loud or that I spoke out of turn, it means they don't like my opinion and would rather I shut up.

This time was different. The apology seemed to be genuine. The teacher kept her word. I genuinely earned the extra credit.

@leopard-prompts

[jasontoddiefor]

HMM WATCHA SAAAAY Chapter 5

Kix was incredibly thankful that Master Che – Call me Vokara, Kix – had given him unrestrained access to the Halls of Healing. While it had been necessary for his research, learning more about physical therapy as a whole, it also came with the great bonus of access to the pills that made your mind clear up a little after crashing. It was supposed to be taken after long shifts, but Kix had gathered that it was usually given to anybody in a less fortunate state of mind that needed to get a clear head, such as Senior Padawans who had been out all night in the Lower levels and had a mission on the next day.

The last week had been hellish between accumulating whatever insights they could get from General Skywalker on his and trying to put together a physical therapy program for somebody who should be as healthy as a bantha. The fact that the Council had called upon them for the final report and Kix as the head researcher was supposed to lay out their findings was also not the highlight of this week.

“Medic Kix,” one of the Council members greeted him. “Master Che, Master Erin, Medic Coric, thank you for taking the time to present us your findings.”

Most Council members were off-world again already so the circle in front of him wasn’t particularly large. Kix wished that General Kenobi would be here at least, but he and the 212th had to be called back to battle. The 501st was to follow soon, but whether their General could come with them relied on Kix’s report. He had sworn not embellish anything, to pretend his General was better off than he appeared to be, but he was tempted to do so. He couldn’t help it, he didn’t want to go anywhere without knowing that his General had his back. He didn’t mind working with another Jedi, they were all equally kind and good, but they weren’t Anakin Skywalker.

And Kix would rather have Anakin, exhausted and terrified out of his mind, with him, than a stranger, no matter how kind.

“It is of no trouble, Master Jedi,” Kix replied.

This was another thing Kix had noticed during his stay at the temple. The Jedi refused to use military titles for themselves inside of it. They were Masters, Healers, Knights Padawans – but they were not Generals or Commanders. Kix and his brothers, of course, got addressed by their proper titles, spoken with honor and an edge of regret, but that was it.

“You have been taking care of Anakin from the beginning?” General Koon asked.

Kix liked Plo Koon. The Kel Door took good care of the men under his command and he was always ready to make sure Kix’s little Commander was in good fighting shape when she was in his care.

“Yes,” Kix replied. “Coric and I were the ones who oversaw the General’s transport back to the ship and then consequently watched over him for the week he was comatose.”

“Were the injuries he gained in the battle so severe?”

Kix shook his head. “No, not at all. It was an easy campaign all in all.”

“From my understanding of the events, as Kix elaborated them, Knight Skywalker experienced an immense shock when he was hit by the vision,” Vokara explained. “Consequently, he was disorientated and must have experienced sensory overload. His collapse was his body’s attempt at shutting him down to give himself time to deal with the onslaught of memories and unfamiliarity of his body.”

When they had attempted to figure out why muscle memory alone wasn’t keeping Anakin upright, Vokara had brought up pieces of Jedi philosophy so far unknown to Kix. Jedi viewed bodies as conduits of the Force. Only in a healthy body could rest a healthy mind and only a healthy mind could access the Force. It was the reason that Anakin’s one prosthetic was already viewed with so much heartbreak. Kix supposed it made everything that came after only worse.

“Can Skywalker be sent back with the 501st?” Master Koon continued, directly cutting to the most difficult part.

“Under normal circumstances, I’d say no. I don’t think he should ever actually handle combat at all again. While physically he will be back on top of his game within a few weeks, if not surpass it still, I cannot condone such an action when taking his mental health into account.”

While the Jedi all tried to keep a neutral expression, Kix had been trained to deal with the most stubborn no-I’m-not-injured-I-promise brothers and I-can-hold-off-an-army-on-my-own Jedi and he could easily spot when somebody was starting to slip. The Jedi were surprised, not at the latter aspect, it was clear as day that the General was far from possessing a healthy mind, they wondered about his strength.

“Councilors, if I may suggest, I believe it would be best if we started with our report now,” Kix inserted. “It will answer a lot of questions as to Master Skywalker’s precise condition.”

He wondered if he was already crossing lines, trying to make it all out to be better than it was just by taking their attention away from how the General was right now instead of how he could be, had been.

“Proceed you may,” Master Yoda said grimly.

Hearing how much stronger their enemy was, how he was luring them all towards their death, must have greatly disturbed the old Master. Kix thought of the old clones back on Kamino, those who hadn’t made it to the front lines and watched the Shinies instead. And he thought of the war veterans, those who had been on Geonosis. They all had the same look in their eyes when they assigned the should-be-still-cadets to the frontlines. The sadness for being responsible for the deaths of so many young lives, it was not easy to bear.

“Three months ago, in the aftermath of a campaign, Knight Anakin Skywalker collapsed,” Kix began to say, his eyes not even flickering to the text on the datapad he was holding. “He froze, then Force-pushed the nearest troopers away from him and lost consciousness. He had no visible injuries and was brought to the medbay for further examination. After twenty-four hours, he woke for the first time. He reacted with similar panic and it took multiple sedations as well as Master Obi-Wan Kenobi using a Force-suggestion to put him to sleep again. This manner continued for another five days.”

Those five days had been some of the worst Kix had to experience during the entire war so far. Coric and he had run themselves ragged to keep an eye on their General, never mind how exhausted Master Kenobi had been after staying awake for so long.

“He was catatonic when he woke up after this time period. Even while awake, he didn’t react to anything. He needed a breathing machine and we fed him intravenously. He snapped out of it after another three days…”

Kix trailed off. When they had discussed how they would present their findings, they had decided that Kix would speak of all events he had been there to witness with Vokara contributing the Jedi perspective. Bant and Coric didn’t actually need to be present for this, but they had all worked through this report together, they should do this together as well.

“As, at the time, no professional mind healer could make it to the 501st-“ Vokara’s voice was professionally cold, but after all these evenings spend in her office or apartment, Kix could hear the bitterness that was seeping into it. “Master Kenobi decided to take it upon himself to help Skywalker’s splintered mind. He was successful, though I believe that is largely due to the bond the two share and want it noted on Master Kenobi’s file that he is herby prohibited from attempting to do the same with any other Jedi. It could have backfired incredibly easily and then we would have lost two Jedi instead of one.”

The Council nodded in agreement and Vokara quickly swiped away their open report to replace it with her file on General Kenobi. She added a small note there, then changed the documents once more.

“When Master Skywalker finally properly woke up then, he was still confused and disorientated. It took a full day before he could breathe and speak on his own, both aftereffects of what he experienced in his vision,” Kix continued.

The General’s hoarse words had been difficult to understand. For one because it had felt like he hadn’t known how to string them together properly, on the other because of the low volume. The General was always loud which made it easy to spot him in a crowd. To hear him speak so silently was the first sign that something had been wrong.

“I have so far classified his experience as a new type of vision,” Vokara explained. “Our research on temporal physics is limited, I do not know if his claims of time travel are accurate, but it was certainly no normal vision. Not even Master Sifo-Dyas had experienced a vision as such. Skywalker has experienced twenty years’ worth of memories, hence his body being uncomfortable to him.”

“Forgive me my question,” Shaak Ti said. “But from the brief account Master Kenobi gave us, I had gathered that Skywalker was experiencing something more akin to body dysphoria than merely feeling uncomfortable.”

“That would be correct,” Vokara retorted and then sighed in defeat. “Or as correct as it can be. I will be honest, we are missing terminology to properly definite Skywalker’s condition. To put it simply, Skywalker is hardly used to having a body. From his account, and what we have gathered based on physical reactions, Skywalker spent twenty years with about 65% of his body having been replaced. In other words, only 35% of himself was still organic.”

“What!?” The hiss of one of the Councilors rang like an accusation through the room.

Horror, shock and nausea washed through the air so strongly that even Kix could feel it, be it though that he wasn’t even the slightest bit Force-sensitive. He understood their recoiling even without the pain that their understanding of life and the Force brought them. He half-expected the windows to crack under the might of their outrage, used to such displays from his General.

“He had lost both his legs as well as his remaining arm. It is the reason Master Skywalker spend the first days after his awakening in a wheelchair, though he refused to use it for long. He had to relearn how to walk. His fine-motor control is also still lacking slightly, his current prosthetic arm being the one he has the best handling of. His digestive system was also severely damaged and barely anything remained from his lungs. He was dependent on intravenous feeding and a breathing machine that he could manually override, but only at great cost to himself. Additionally, to his lungs, his vocal tract was also damaged to the degree that he needed a vocoder to speak.”

“And how did he sustain those injuries in his vision?” Master Koon asked. He had his hands laying folded on his lap. No movement betrayed him, but Kix distinctly got the impression that he was attempting to hold himself back from doing something rash.

“We aren’t entirely sure. Master Skywalker has been reluctant to share how exactly he came to be injured in such a way,” Kix stated. Reluctant was the most diplomatic way of describing how haunted General Skywalker had looked when Kix had just alluded to the topic. He hadn’t shut down, but the expression on his face, utter terror bathed in fear, had been enough. “The event must have been highly traumatic and evidence points towards him being burned alive, likely while he was completely conscious for it. He mentioned needed skin grafts on multiple occasions and is extremely uncomfortable around fire.”

Kix felt a little like he was betraying his General by sharing such information behind his back. Of course, Skywalker had been made aware that there would be an extensive report on his condition, but he likely thought it was just about his capability to return to the battlefield. The General didn’t seem to really consider that his mental health mattered as well. Kix was not one of the medics particularly schooled in psychiatry, Coric had started looking more into it and so he and Master Erin had been the one to draft a psychological profile on Skywalker, based on what they knew about his future-past.

They hadn’t gathered much yet, but that part of their report was about as pretty as the rest.

“And he lived with all those injuries for twenty years?” The hopeful disbelief, the want for it all to be a lie, was apparent.

Jedi were not in the habit of being in denial, speaking the harsh truths the senators seldom wanted to hear, but that didn’t mean that they wanted to accept it all.

“A little more, actually,” Kix was forced to admit. “I believe it was around twenty-five. He had made references to such years existing. The cause of his own death is unknown as well, though it was possibly the result of his failing health.”

“And, additionally, we have been led to believe that he spent most of those years being extensively tortured by the Sith Lord keeping him.”

“Master Kenobi had already mentioned so,” Plo Koon said.

Kix nodded slowly. He wished General Kenobi would be here now, listening to them give the report instead of reading it on his own onboard the Negotiator. The paper they had written was clinical, factual, but Kix had long since realized that there was a time and place for hard facts and gentle truths.

“I am aware, but Master Kenobi is not aware of the extent we believe this torture to have reached. Skywalker has mentioned Sith Lightning and apparently knows how to disperse it within the body instead of just bearing it and survive. This implies that he was exposed to it multiple times, likely not with the intention of killing him, and learned from those sessions.”

“How have you concluded all that?”

Kix and Vokara shared a look. Their report had already been all over the place, more a discussion than a systematic rundown of what looked like hell come alive.

“Perhaps, best we start at the beginning?” General Yoda spoke up.

The Master, though powerful he was, appeared so old now, almost frail like every gust of wind could swipe him away. And yet there was this determination in his eyes, the willingness and need to know what harm would come to them.

“That would be the easiest,” Vokara replied and began anew.

Kix had written this report, read it about a thousand times and repeated it to others as well. Its content was familiar to him, the words he knew by heart, and still, at times, he found himself caught off-guard. Worst was when Vokara, though she kept a distance to the topic at hand, would sometimes need to read a sentence twice. The two of them had seen gruesome injuries, Jedi and Brothers alike die of less than what General Skywalker had lived through.

Which was the precise reason why they needed to put him back on the battlefield.

“I am prejudiced in this,” Kix admitted freely, finally finishing. The sky had turned dark by now and he desperately needed to drink something. “I want my General at my back. However, there is also the matter that he survived all of this. I do not actually believe that we stop him from going out on his own should we attempt to keep him away from the fighting. He might even decide to face Sidious head-on, and we can’t allow that to happen.”

The Jedi looked troubled by his assessment and so Kix was not too surprised when they sent him and the other three out of the room to make their decision. Kix had done all he could at this point to protect his General.

He had done his job and fulfilled his duty.

Now he could only hope that it had been enough.

[neednothavehappenedtobetrue]

(Hello I have typed everything else that is in this post and now I am putting a parenthetical at the top. this post is very long, so you don’t have to read it, and if you do read it, you don’t have to Experience Concern, I’m usually fine and probably will be, but! If you do read it, and you do experience concern, would you mind telling me? Normally I do not require that, and I do not actually require that you read this long post, but if you do, it might be helpful to tell me)

(Also I can’t do cuts on mobile, so, sorry) (aha I am on desktop now and have added a cut, though this post is now from the past)

So! the good news:

-every homework I have ever had is done! all of it! the two classes I needed to finish after Big Cascading Extensive Sickness are fully completed! I have taken five classes of my grad program which is eight regular classes and then a semester where you do your thesis, so like ten classes altogether! Halfway there! Woo!

-I do not acquire more classes until not tomorrow but next Monday after that, so I have a week with some downtime in it! in which to do ADLs and write and listen to podcasts!

-my health situation has been back-and-forth this past… time period, but today I do not feel sick, nauseous, panicky, brain-stuck or sad!!! I will gladly take the current Mood Situation over any of those, and double-especially over nausea!!!

now for the part that’s not a complaint but also not not a complaint

-so I still cannot lately focus for shit until the very last minute where I realize there will be immediate bad consequences of not doing the thing right exactly now

-(this is an intermittent Mood Disorder problem for me, we are tweaking my meds, I am not going to be experiencing this brain forever)

-the final project was originally due Monday, and then “Sunday if possible” and then “can you turn it in Saturday night so I can grade it early Sunday?”

-it was not his fault about the moved deadline he is expecting a big hurricane and wanted to get it done pre-power-outage and the registrar would have been a big stickler for anything after Monday

-I figured that anything before 6:AM Sunday counted for these purposes, as he seemed unlikely to be doing grading any earlier than that

-I spaced out very badly most of Saturday

-I opened my laptop around 10PM

-my brain refused to let me do literally anything until like 1AM, at which point the assignment was due sometime between “an hour ago” and “five hours from now”

-then I unlocked the ability to focus for about five to fifteen minute increments at random a few times an hour

-it turns out that “literally after the assignment is due by the most generous definition, it’s already late and can only get later, someone is this minute waiting for you,” the point at which I regain my normal ability to just like, sit down, do a thing, and then have it be done.

-I worked pretty much straight through 7-noon, proofread, formatted, attached the document to an email with some made up personal problems in it

-not because I’m not having real life problems, I just didn’t want to explain the real ones

-turned it in at 12:35

-G submitted my final grade to the registrar already and will email me final comments post-hurricane

-if he secretly hates me he still gave me an A in the class, so who cares.

-the assignment took somewhere around 8 hours of focus work, most of which I did in the six and a half hours after it was (again, by the most generous estimate) definitely due and already late

-I guess it’s good to know I can Enter The Zone if I place enough consequences on myself

-I miss The Zone, it used to be comparatively much easier for me to go there

-I very much do hope the meds adjustment fixes my brain a bit, and soon

-I just did a casual assessment of my feelings about things and got “unusually limited emotions, somewhat flat inside,” about it, so I’m jotting that down.

-I don’t remember how I’ve been feeling, exactly, but I do remember telling my therapist that I’ve been feeling a bit flat lately, so that does check out!

-alex, if you were doing homework for fourteen hours, when did you sleep last?

-first of all, I was doing homework for eight hours, interspersed with six hours of genuinely nothing, I truly don’t even know

-that’s not even a terrible ratio for lately, there were entire calendar days last week where I had a brain for about two decent hours out of twenty-four

-there has been a lot of Mindless Scrolling lately, but also yesterday I put my phone away and genuinely did not even glance at anything but schoolwork on the computer

-what did I do for six hours? my guy, I truly do not know

-that wasn’t the question, was it? I’m kidding, I remember the question, it was about sleeping

-I slept from around 6-9PM last night, for some reason, and then haven’t since! lately I’ve been very nocturnal as much as I’ve been anything, so I am trying to reset my sleep schedule by going to bed, very tired, around 9PM tonight.

-assuming I will feel tired later, not sure body sensations are things I still experience very often, including tiredness.

-I’ve been very verbose today, and my voice on the phone sounded a bit manic earlier, so maybe that’s a thing, but in a distant and far away way, even that.

-huh. I feel like that would be concerning if I was closer to normal today. might edit this post a bit and then share it with my therapist.

-hey Alex, if you’re not doing any body feelings, what have you eaten and drank lately?

-more than nothing, technically

-I mean what are you, a cop?

[victoriareyloficlists]

17 March 2021 Additions to Reylo Holidays

These fics have been added to the Holiday list located here.

Christmas

Mistle-oh-no by KyloTrashForever (AO3  2019  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey kisses a stranger at a holiday party.) Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday by CaliforniaQueen (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 20 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Celebrating finishing school and getting a teaching job, Rey Jackson and her friends go out for a night of drinks and letting their hair down. When she meets the beautiful stranger at the bar, she decides tonight she's going to break a rule and be the bad girl for a change. Their one night together turns out to have disastrous consequences for everyone involved. But is being tied down as bad as Rey thinks it is, or is she just afraid to let herself be happy?) Scrooged at Crossroads by apisa_b (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Kylo Ren is a workaholic Grinch with anger management issues - until his life is changed by falling in love and being visited by a ghost.) A Heavenly Holiday by ElleRen31 (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo needs to find Christmas gifts for his family. At a local department store, he finds more than he bargains for.) Christmas Eve Will Find Me (Where the Lovelight Gleams) by Love_andbalance (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Christmas Eve. Ben stares at the train that he and his now ex were supposed to be departing on. A noise behind him turns his head, a beautiful girl yelling at the SOLD OUT ticket booth. He looks at the 2 tickets in his hand and back at the girl. "Fuck it," he says, walking up to her.) Keep On Giving by MaryMonster (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is eagerly awaiting the delivery of her Christmas present, a luxury vibrator. There’s only one problem – it was accidentally delivered to her neighbor, Ben Solo. A cozy Christmas Reylo fic full of fluff and smut.) Let It Be Me by elemie89 (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo has found the perfect Christmas tree. Only problem is, someone else thinks it’s a perfect tree too.) Merry Christmas, I'm Yours by captain_staryeyed (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: After finding out that Rey has nowhere to go for Christmas, Ben invites her to spend Christmas at his parents’ house. During the time spent together, they are forced to confront their growing feelings toward each other.) Dark Carols by Nyx_Fedra (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: CW: Suicidal Ideation. Ben Solo wasn't liked around the office. He had outbursts of rage, and he was generally rather unpleasant, harsh, difficult to get along with. He seemed to despise others and to be disinterested in anything anyone talked to him about. Rey didn't like him very much, their few encounters had been difficult, some even shouting matches. To her eyes, he was spoiled, ungrateful of the privileges he’d been granted by life. He refused to join Resistance enterprise for a long time, working for Snoke instead, he was harsh with Leia and Han, hostile with Luke…It all changed two months before Christmas, when they entered Resistance enterprise headquarters to find Holdo dishevelled, alone when Leia never missed a day, and she informed them that Ben Solo had almost succeeded in committing suicide the night before. Rey’s world tilted upside down. ) If the Fates Allow by dawninthemtn (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, 6 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Leia Organa is the most successful matchmaker in the world and renowned creator of irresistible.com, where she built an algorithm so airtight her corporate headquarters is wallpapered with wedding announcements. To her chagrin, the only person she’s never been able to set up is her own son, Ben. But she has an employee named Rey that she has decided is Ben’s perfect match, so she hatches a plan to set them up. Unbeknownst to his mother, Ben has set up an anonymous profile on irresistible.com and has been writing his match Rey for months.) All I Want for Christmas (Is Smut) by MizuPhoenix (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: All Ben Solo wanted for Christmas was to lose his V-Card. Only, the reason he was still thirty years old and hadn't lost it yet was all due to one Rey Jackson. His very best friend. Rey wanted quite a lot of things for Christmas this year. All of them involving her first friend (and love of her life) Ben Solo.With meddling friends trying to bring the oblivious pair some Christmas cheer, this was going to be a very Smutty Christmas.) Gelt by RebelRebel (AO3 2018  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: "I only need a few minutes of your time," she continued, voice faltering slightly under his gaze. "To discuss my proposal for the purchase and refurbishment of the Plutt Orphanage in Brooklyn Heights– " In which Rey works with Kylo Ren, Advocacy Director of the Organa Foundation, to spread a little Chrismukkah cheer.) smothered, covered, chunked by SecretReyloTrash (BadOldWest) (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben is a painfully shy college student. Rey is the fellow insomniac next door. He finally gets to see where she goes in the middle of the night when he hears her leave the dorm.) Homecoming by ItsALilah (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: After disaster rips through his hometown, Ben Solo finally comes home to surprise his parents at their annual Christmas Eve party. And if he's hoping to run into Rey, the girl he's secretly been pining for since high school, that would be... cool. Although he'll never make a move, not while her over-protective older brother - and Ben's best friend - is around. But when Ben makes it home, not only does he find himself reconnecting with his friends and family, but fate itself seems to be pushing him and Rey together (thanks to a ridiculous amount of mistletoe).) Got a Feeling we Should Just Go Home by slugmutt (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, 13 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Spending the week before Christmas with sullen deputy-CEO Kylo Ren is the last thing on earth Rey wants to do. Going back to his hometown with Christmas-loving Rey in tow is the last thing Kylo wants to do. But with a little help from family, some holiday magic, and a stray blizzard or two, they might start seeing things differently.) A Reylo Christmas Carol by Crackedkybercrystal (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: "Before the dawn," Hux intoned, "you will be visited by three spirits. Heed their message Kylo Ren, least you end your days like me." It was only now that Kylo perceived his old partner to be bound with a great chain around his waist, weighed down by heavy blocks.) The Set-up by CajunSpice714 (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo has aways been socially awkward, but when he sets his sights on his brother Poe's fiance Finn's bestfriend Rey during an engagment party Poe decided that he and Finn need to divise a plan to set the two of them up if not for the sake of his and Finn's future wedding then for the sake of their own sanity.) Bespoke by L_awlietxoxx (AO3 2018  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo is miserable, stumbling through his life in London without seeing much of anything. Then Christmas sneaks up on him, as does a little shop and a woman who makes custom ornaments to meet the needs of any heart. Suddenly, Ben sees everything.) Valentine’s Day

forever valentine by bellestar (AO3 2021  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben makes a confession in his wedding speech. He knew he was going to marry Rey when he and Rey were 4 years old and she gave him a Valentine she made and colored herself. And 21 years later, he still has that Valentine.) Halloween

Housewarming by ArdeaJestin (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When her best friend Rose asks Ben Solo to help on moving day, Rey knows she's in trouble. If only those big strong arms didn't make her forget what an obnoxious jerk he is every time she looked at him.) How You Turn My World, You Precious Thing by BensLostTookaCat (VillainTheBlank) (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: He's the hotshot asshole who leads The First Order, the legal arm of The Resistance. She's the new company liaison who has been assigned to The First Order to keep them accountable.The annual Resistance Masquerade Ball is about to turn Kylo and Rey's worlds upside down.) Haunted Corn Maze by OptimisticBeth (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey bonds with her work buddy, Ben.) Zombie Run by OptimisticBeth (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: During a charity run, Rey is relentlessly pursued by a zombie.) you're my boo by murakamism (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey's neighbor Ben Solo is the only one who ever shows Halloween spirit around here. When she discovers he's moving out, she's only hurt because that means she won't have anymore competition... right? So she sets out on a plan to make him stay.) Thanksgiving

New Beginnings by reylocalligraphy (AO3 2018  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Ben comes home for the first time in five years, it happens to be Thanksgiving dinner. He’s surprised to meet a girl who’s working for his father… an odd girl his parents seem strangely fond of.) Of Penmanship and Discourse by INTPSlytherin_reylove97 (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, 35 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Rey Kenobi's professor and advisor, Luke Skywalker, refuses to give constructive criticism or facilitate workshops for his students, she decides to seek help else where. Ben Solo (or if you read his published work, Kylo Ren) is on the brink of insanity. The literary magazine he is editor for is racing off in a new direction-- and is leaving him questioning both its morals and his love for writing. To find his intellectual and creative needs met, he decides to turn to the internet. A PenPals AU no one asked for.)

[creatingdocumentaryperformance]

Syllabus: Creating Documentary Performance

Course Title: Performance Composition: Creating Documentary Performance PERF-UT 201 (4 points)

Course Description The term documentary theatre is often used interchangeably with verbatim theatre. Theatre scholar Carol Martin would advise us to beware and keep tabs on Documentary Theatre, a slippery little devil which claims to present the truth. Yet, in truth, the world of Documentary Theatre (and Art) seems to be expanding. New works of live Documentary Art challenge the documentary form by loosening the grip of journalistic objectivity and responsibility. Documentary performance now takes on a variety of forms which we will examine in this course.

This course will begin with ways of observing a range of performances (live, filmed, quotidian, and archival). We will then integrate this heightened awareness into an hybridized archival call-and-response. We will have daily in-class creation workshops designed to respond to research and performance materials. Through this process students will learn to integrate research questions and aesthetic performance elements. Participants will engage in documentary writing techniques, performance techniques such as vocal duplication and movement vocabularies, creation of composition scores, and docu-fantasia (a methodology pioneered by Guy Maddin in his film “My Winnipeg” combining personal history, civic tragedy, and mystical hypothesizing), among others. The result of these searches will be cumulative. At the end of this course, students will have created several short-form documentaries.

Participants in this course will come from various performance backgrounds: some (like me) will be based in theatre practice, others will be more comfortable writing, composing music or movement, directing, acting, or filmmaking. This course is designed for much of the creation of our projects to take place in the classroom itself with students sharing their skills with one another as they learn new skills together. 

Course Objectives

to become familiar with the field of documentary performance

to develop and deepen investigative research skills

to learn to create performances from disparate elements (learn processes of meaning-making)

to generate “speculative” material from “factual” remains

to move archival materials from the page to the stage (or lens/screen as the case may be) 

Requirements

You need a notebook or loose paper. We will do writing exercises that will be edited and presented during class. It will not be possible to participate fully in movement/writing work on a laptop.

You will need scissors and a glue stick.

Please see the class schedule below. Please come to class having completed the listed requirements (read, watched, and prepared performance elements) and come prepared to share your findings and contribute to discussions, workshops, and rehearsals.

There will be four assignments due during the course: a) construction paper photo journalism Using lessons on image composition from Molly Bang’s “Picture This,” recreate one image from one of the documentaries or images we viewed during weeks 1-4 (or an image of your choice). Write a brief but vivid description of the scene you hope to capture. Upload both the original and your version of the image as well as the description. This image is due on February 21, 2021. b) 360 degree video (maximum 5-minutes long) Create a three-minute long 360 degree video of your own living space (use Ackerman’s video for inspiration). Research the history of your living space (What is the history of that land? When was the building constructed? Who owned it? Who lived there?) and then write a two-minute monologue from the point of view of someone you image to be a previous tenant. This is the basis of the performance. You may choose to incorporate other performance elements created in the course thus far (movement vocabularies, musical elements, etc.). The video should be submitted via email on week 5, a 500 word summary of building history including sources is due on week 6, and the final performance is due on March 21, 2021. c) Documentary Étude (maximum 10-minutes long) Seek out your own musical archive (this might be something personal, something you amassed yourself or something you discover out in the world) and using strategies developed in class (ex. haikus, nightstand writings, movement vocabularies) and other techniques learned from docs we’ve seen (vocal re-enactments, karaoke, performance re-creation, etc.) create a live documentary étude to the song or recording of your choice. This étude should include research into the song and, based on that research, some theories we have discussed in class that help analyze your findings. The way you structure this presentation is entirely up to you. Due April 26-May 3, 2021 (exact date to be decided upon by in consultation between students and instructor). d) performance review The final assignment for this class is a 1000-1200 word review of another classmate’s documentary performance. The point of this assignment is to constructively critique a colleague’s work while integrating the texts and theories we have discussed during the course. This is to be submitted to the instructor via email on or before the final day of class (May 10, 2020).

Attendance in this class is critical. Much work takes place in-class and this cannot necessarily be made-up through subsequent assignments. More than three unexcused absences will result in a failing grade. Absences must be excused in advance, please make your request via email. Likewise three unexcused latenesses will count as one absence. Assignments are due on the date specified unless a change is discussed in advance with the instructor. 

Class Schedule

Week One: February 1, 2021

Introduction to Documentary Theatre

A short documentary performance: Devotional Space

Course Introduction, Expectations, and Agreements

Week Two: February 8, 2021 Truth, Objectivity, and the Truth of Fiction

Read, Carol Martin, “Bodies of Evidence” and Walter Benjamin “The Task of the Translator” 

Watch, Lynn Sachs, “Your Day Is My Night” https://vimeo.com/58024122  and “Your Day Is My Night” (live performance) https://vimeo.com/191185422

Week Three: Thursday February 18, 2021 Objects That Talk

Read, Roland Barthes “Studium” pg. 23-28, “Punctum” pg. 38-47 in Camera Lucida, Ariella Azoulay “The Spectator Is Called to Take Part,” and Molly Bang “Picture This: How Pictures Work”

Watch, Yuval Hamieri “I Think This is the Closest to How The Footage Looked” https://www.nytimes.com/video/opinion/100000004383825/i-think-this-is-the-closest-to-how-the-footage-looked.html and Vaginal Davis “This Is Not A Dream” https://youtu.be/A03i57f53E4

Week Four: February 22, 2021 Interpellation and Composition

Read, Joshua Whitehead “On Ekphrasis and Emphasis” and Louis Althusser “Ideology and State Apparatuses” pg. 162-177

Watch, Kirsten Johnson “Cameraperson” https://stream.nyu.edu/media/Cameraperson+-+DML+Film+DC04692/1_6j3rpjc7

DUE February 21, 2021: Construction Paper Photo Journalism Assignment

Week Five: March 1, 2021 Memory and Repetition

Read, Diana Taylor “The Archive and The Repertoire” pg. 16-30 and Richard Schechner “Restoration of Behavior” pg. 35-55

Watch, Caveh Zahedi “The Show About The Show"

PREPARE AND UPLOAD before class: 360 video

Week Six: March 8, 2021 Docufantasia: Speculation, Narrative, and History

Guest Speaker: Farihah Zaiman

No readings this week.

Watch, Farihah Zaiman “Nobody Loves Me”, Guy Maddin “My Winnipeg” https://stream.nyu.edu/media/t/1_3fuaywbk/157165221, and Chantal Ackerman “La Chambre” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AGakyb3eBU

BRING TO CLASS: Write, a few notes on building/land history

Week Seven: March 15, 2021 No Class

Feedback sessions on Building History text/monologue available during class and office hours

Week Eight: March 22, 2021 Presentation Day

Guest Speaker: Alison S.M. Kobayashi

Watch, Alison S.M. Kobayashi Showcase, please be sure to watch “From Alex to Alex” and “Music Is Magic” 

DUE March 21st: 360 videos & monologues assignment (uploaded to shared site)

Week Nine: March 29, 2021 Psychodrama and the Politics of Space

Suggested Read: Ngugi wa Thiong’o, “Enactments of Power: The Politics of Performance Space”

Watch: William Greaves, “In The Company of Men” https://stream.nyu.edu/media/In%20the%20Company%20of%20Men%20(William%20Greaves%2C%201969)./1_13usuirk

Week Ten: April 5, 2021 Creating a Performance Plan

Read: Barbara Browning “The Gift” (read Part One available in NYU e-books) and Doris Humphrey “Check List” pg. 159-166

Watch (we will watch segments of this in class): Okwui Okpokwasili “Bronx Gothic” available on NYU Kanopy

Week Eleven: April 12, 2021 Listening as Research

Read, Martin Daughtry “Acoustic Palimpsests”; (suggested but not assigned Alexandra T. Vazquez “Listening in Detail”)

Listen, Reply All (podcast) “The Case of the Missing Hit” https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/o2h8bx

Week Twelve: April 19, 2021 No Class

Week 13: April 26, 2021 Documentary Étude

Read, Jacob Wren “The DJ Who Knew Too Much” and “Every Song I’ve Ever Written”

Re-watch, Alison S.M. Kobayashi “Music Is Magic”

Students workshop elements of their final performance

Create final performance schedule

Week 14: May 3, 2021 Final Presentations

Week 15: May 10, 2021 To Be Announced

Additional Performance Links

Choosing performances to share with you was both a joy and an agony. There were many great works that didn’t make it onto the syllabus proper. I wanted to share some of those with you here in case you wanted see more work. You are more than welcome to come to office hours to discuss any works you may have seen (on this list or in your own searchings). Additional performance viewing is not a requirement of this class and is meant solely for your enjoyment.

The Wooster Group, “Rumstick Road”: https://vimeo.com/88116889 

Nature Theatre of Oklahoma, “The Life and Times of Kristin Worrall, Episode 8”: https://vimeo.com/145414310 

Caveh Zahedi, “The Show About The Show": https://www.bricartsmedia.org/tv-shows-videos/show-about-show

Walis Johnson, “Jessy’s House of Styles”: https://vimeo.com/193445572

Nadia Ross “What Happened To The Seeker?”, Part one: https://vimeo.com/147670008 , Part two: https://vimeo.com/148387633 

Wellness 

Your health and safety are a priority at NYU. If you experience any health or mental health issues during this course, we encourage you to utilize the support services of the 24/7 NYU Wellness Exchange 212-443-9999. Also, all students who may require an academic accommodation due to a qualified disability, physical or mental, please register with the Moses Center 212-998-4980. Please let your instructor know if you need help connecting to these resources.

[papermoonloveslucy]

THE DARK CORNER

November 10, 1947

Synopsis ~ A former San Francisco private eye, just in back New York after two years in prison (the victim of a frame-up), finds himself a target for another send-up and murder.

Directed by Fred MacKaye with musical direction by Louis Silvers and sound effects by Charlie Forsyth

Adapted for radio by Sanford Barnett from the screenplay by Jay Dratler and Bernard Schoenfeld based on the book by Leo Rosten.

It was based on the 20th Century Fox motion picture of the same name released on May 8, 1946. 

In later years, Lucille Ball was vocal about hating the experience of shooting The Dark Corner. Director Henry Hathaway's bullying reduced Ball to stuttering on set, at which point Hathaway accused her of being inebriated. At the time, Lucille Ball was suing to get out of her contract with MGM. As a result, MGM loaned her to Fox for this picture, which included a significant pay cut. 

Lux Radio Theatre (1935-55) was a radio anthology series that adapted Broadway plays during its first two seasons before it began adapting films (”Lux Presents Hollywood”). These hour-long radio programs were performed live before studio audiences in Los Angeles. The series became the most popular dramatic anthology series on radio, broadcast for more than 20 years and continued on television as the Lux Video Theatre through most of the 1950s. The primary sponsor of the show was Unilever through its Lux Soap brand.

CAST

Lucille Ball (Kathleen Stewart) was born on August 6, 1911 in Jamestown, New York. She began her screen career in 1933 and was known in Hollywood as ‘Queen of the B’s’ due to her many appearances in ‘B’ movies. “My Favorite Husband” eventually led to the creation of “I Love Lucy,” a television situation comedy in which she co-starred with her real-life husband, Latin bandleader Desi Arnaz. The program was phenomenally successful, allowing the couple to purchase what was once RKO Studios, re-naming it Desilu. When the show ended in 1960 (in an hour-long format known as “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour”) so did Lucy and Desi’s marriage. In 1962, hoping to keep Desilu financially solvent, Lucy returned to the sitcom format with “The Lucy Show,” which lasted six seasons. She followed that with a similar sitcom “Here’s Lucy” co-starring with her real-life children, Lucie and Desi Jr., as well as Gale Gordon, who had joined the cast of “The Lucy Show” during season two. Before her death in 1989, Lucy made one more attempt at a sitcom with “Life With Lucy,” also with Gordon.

Mark Stevens (Bradford Galt) reprises his role from the film version of The Dark Corner (1946). He became a contract player for Warners at $100 a week in 1943 but they darkened and straightened his curly ginger-colored hair and covered his freckles. At first he was billed as Stephen Richards, he later changed it to Mark Stevens at the suggestion of Darryl F. Zanuck when he switched to 20th Century-Fox. He died in 1994 at age 77. 

Joseph Kearns (Ralph Wickett) appeared on “I Love Lucy” as the psychiatrist in “The Kleptomaniac” (ILL S1;E27) and later played the theatre manager in “Lucy’s Night in Town” (S6;E22). His most famous role was as Mr. Wilson on TV’s “Dennis the Menace” (1959). When he passed away during the show’s final season, Lucy regular Gale Gordon took over for him, playing his brother.

In the film, the character was named Hardy Cathcart and was played by Clifton Webb. 

Norma Jean Nilsson (Little Girl at the Boarding House) was a child actress who left Hollywood at age 19 after appearing in 16 films and television shows.

In the film, the character carries a slide whistle, which is not used here. She was played by Colleen Alpaugh.

Wally Maher (Fred Foss aka Stauffer) was born on August 4, 1908 in Cincinnati, Ohio. He was known for Mystery Street (1950), The Reformer and the Redhead (1950) and Hollywood Hotel (1937). He was married to Molly Bruno. He died on December 27, 1951.

In the feature film, the role was played by William Bendix, who would go on to fame as the title character in TV’s “The Life of Riley.” 

Dan O'Herlihy (Anthony Jardine) was an Irish-born actor nominated for an Oscar in 1954 for Robinson Crusoe. In 1960 he made an appearance on Desilu’s “The Untouchables.” He was in two of the RoboCop movies. He died in 2005 at age 85. 

In the feature film, the role was played by German-born actor Kurt Krueger. 

Fay Baker (Mari Wickett) was born on January 31, 1917 in New York City as Fanita Baker Schwager. She was known for Notorious (1946), The House on Telegraph Hill (1951) and Deadline - U.S.A. (1952). She died on December 8, 1987.  

In the feature film, the role was taken by Cathy Downs, making her first credited screen appearance. 

ENSEMBLE

Trude Marson was seen in uncredited roles in four films from 1937 to 1947. 

Noreen Gammill started her screen career as the voice of Catty the Elephant in Disney’s Dumbo (1941). She made two background appearances on “The Andy Griffith Show” (1963 and 1964), filmed on the Desilu backlot. 

William Johnstone is probably best remembered as Judge Lowell on the long-running daytime drama “As The World Turns”.  Prior to that he worked extensively in radio and took over the role of Lamont Cranston on "The Shadow" playing opposite Agnes Moorehead when Orson Welles left the series.

Janet Scott was a regular background voice on “Lux Radio Theatre” with dozens of episodes to her credit from 1937 to 1955.

Lois Corbett  was married to Don Wilson of “The Jack Benny Program” and as such did more than a dozen episodes of the television shows with him from 1954 to 1964.  

Edward Marr was seen in The Affairs of Annabel with Lucille Ball in 1938.  He was also in two Bob Hope TV specials with Hope and Ball in 1966 and 1970.

Stanley Farrar was seen on “I Love Lucy” in “Home Movies” (ILL S3;E20) and “Staten Island Ferry” (ILL S5;E12). He on “The Lucy Show” in “Lucy and Arthur Godfrey” (TLS S3;E23) and “Lucy Meets Danny Kaye” (TLS S3;E15).

Herb Butterfield was born on October 28, 1895 in Providence, Rhode Island. He was known for The Halls of Ivy (1954), The House on Telegraph Hill (1951) and Shield for Murder (1954). On radio, he portrayed the Commissioner on NBC 's "Dangerous Assignment" (1949-53) and Clarence Wellman on "The Halls of Ivy" (1950-52). He died on May 2, 1957

Cliff Clark was seen with Lucille Ball in Her Husband’s Affairs (1947), Miss Grant Takes Richmond (1949), and The Fuller Brush Girl (1950).  

OTHERS

William Keighley (Host and Producer) was the director of nearly 40 feature films between 1932 and 1953. His film The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) was selected for the National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being culturally significant.

Dorothy Lovett (Commercial Spokeswoman as Libby Collins, Hollywood Reporter) appeared as Meta Bauer on radio’s “The Guiding Light" (1945-47) and as Toni Sherwood in "The Adventures of Rocky Jordan".  She did three films with Lucille Ball from 1939 to 1941. 

Betty Ann Lynn (Herself, Act Two Intermission Guest) is best known for playing Thelma Lou on “The Andy Griffith Show” (1961 to 1965) which was filmed on the Desilu back lot. 

John Milton Kennedy (Announcer) was the announcer of all 35 episodes of “The Loretta Young Show” from 1954 to 1955.  

ACT ONE

William Keighley introduces the program, noting that many years earlier, director Fred Kohlmar saw a titian-haired young model who had great possibilities - Lucille Ball.  He later had the privilege of presenting her in the film version of The Dark Corner. After a mention of Lux Toilet Soap, the program begins. 

The action opens in a New York City office building on a sultry summer afternoon. Police detective Reeves visits the Offices of Bradford Galt, Private Investigator and speaks to his secretary, Kathleen Stewart. 

Galt enters and Reeves wonders why Galt didn’t notify him that he moved offices after his prior unpleasantness.  Galt asks Kathleen to have dinner with him. After dinner, Galt asks her to go dancing but she’s wise to his advance. As they walk down the street, they realize that they are being followed. 

Kathleen takes a cab back to the office, while Galt confronts the pursuer at gunpoint, taking him back to his office for questioning. He says his name is Fred Foss, and that he’s also a private detective. Galt doesn’t believe him and decides to beat the truth out of him. 

After some roughing up, Fred discloses that he is being paid to tail Galt by Anthony Jardine. In the tussle, some ink spills on Foss’s white suit. He lets Foss leave. Kathleen was supposed to tail Foss after he left the office, but he tricked her and got away.  

Back at his rooming house, Foss uses the hall telephone to call art gallery owner Ralph Wickett, and his ink-stained suit is noticed by a Little Girl neighbor. 

At a party for his third wedding anniversary, Wickett hangs up and is greeted by Jardine, a lawyer. Mrs. Lucy Wilding takes Jardine aside pretending to ask legal advice, but it is revealed that he is blackmailing her. 

Meanwhile, Galt confides in Kathleen about his past. Jardine is trying to kill Galt because he was a former partner that Galt confronted about his blackmailing female clients. Now Jardine wants to finish the job. 

Mari Wickett, Ralph’s wife, is having an affair with Anthony Jardine. She wants to run away with him. At the same time, Galt is headed there to settle the score. 

End of Act One

A Lux commercial break takes the form of a story from Libby Collins, Hollywood Reporter. She says she saw Universal’s The Lost Moment starring Robert Cummings and Susan Hayward. Libby says she was on location when they filmed the big fire scene, the biggest fire ever done on a sound stage.  She says that she and Susan Hayward washed the soot off their faces with Lux Toilet Soap! 

At the time of the broadcast, The Lost Moment was still two weeks from being released. It opened in cinemas on November 27, 1947. The story is set in Italy, so the cast included Edward Ciannelli, who played pizzeria owner Mr. Martinelli in “Visitor from Italy” (ILL S6;E5) and Saverio LoMedico who played the Rome hotel bellboy in “Lucy’s Italian Movie” (ILL S5;E23).  The film was not a box office success. 

ACT TWO

An hour has past since the end of Act One and Galt is at Jardine’s door. Galt threatens Jardine, who denies tailing him.The two fight  while Mari is hiding in the other room. After Galt leaves, she convinces him to run away with her. 

At the Gallery, Wickett is visited by Foss. It is clear Wickett is setting up Jardine to take the fall when he has Galt killed.  Foss calls Galt to betray Jardine for a price. Galt suggests a one-on-one meeting at his apartment - 904 West 52nd, apartment 307 at 8pm sharp. Wickett will send Jardine to Galt’s apartment at 7:30pm. 

In reality, there is no such address. West 52nd Street in New York City ends at the the 600s block. This is similar to the Ricardo and Mertz apartment building. 623 East 68th Street, which, if real, would be in the East River!

Kathleen and Galt are supposed to meet at the movies, but he doesn’t show so he goes to his apartment at 8:30. Galt opens the door and reveals that Jardine is dead. Galt was ambushed with and knocked out with ether. He woke up to find Jardine’s body bludgeoned by the fireplace poker.  Galt realizes he was set up.

Later, Galt meets Kathleen at her apartment. He couldn’t find Foss and doesn’t know where to look next. 

Wickett reminds Mari that they are due at the Kinsglsey’s that night, but she begs off. He strongly hints that he knows that Mari is stepping out on him and looking to run off. 

Galt suddenly realizes that Foss would have to have his white suit cleaned, so he is determined to search all the cleaners for the suit and get his address.

Foss phones Wickett, and the Little Girl is there to overhear his conversation. Foss makes a plan to meet Wickett on the 31st floor of the Grant building. 

Galt and Kathleen are about to give up on the search for the suit when a cleaner comes through. They get his address and trace Foss to the rooming house where he lives. His name turns out to be Stauffer, not Foss. The landlady reports that he moved out an hour ago and doesn’t know where he went. But the Little Girl does - and spills the beans for a quarter!  Galt and Kathleen head for the Grant Building. 

End of Act Two

In the break, Keighley interviews Fox contract player Betty Ann Lynn, who saw filming of Daryl F. Zanuck’s Gentleman’s Agreement starring Gregory Peck and Dorothy McGuire in a “very unusual picture”.  

Gentleman’s Agreement premiered on November 11, one day after this broadcast, in both New York City and Chicago. It dealt with anti-Semitism and went on to win three Oscars, including Best Picture. The cast included Lucycom alumni Mike Lally, Shep Houghton, Roy Roberts, and Amzie Strickland in uncredited roles. Betty Ann Lynn says that she also likes to watch the filming of a costume picture like The Foxes of Harrow starring Rex Harrison and Maureen O’Hara, who had 26 costumes made just for her.  She notes that O’Hara has a Lux complexion. 

The Foxes of Harrow was released September 13, 1947. "Lux Radio Theater" broadcast a sixty minute radio adaptation of this movie on December 6, 1948, with Maureen O'Hara reprising her movie role. The movie was the screen debut of William Schallert, who did several episodes of “The Lucy Show.”  O’Hara and Lucille Ball became lifelong friends after their 1940 film Dance, Girl, Dance. Like Gentleman’s Agreement, The Foxes of Harrow also features Roy Roberts, who went on to play bank president Mr. Cheever on “The Lucy Show.”

ACT THREE

Kathleen and Galt rush to the Grant Building, where Mr. Wickett is about to settle accounts on a remote fire escape. Foss / Stauffer brings proof that Jardine is dead but Wickett throws him from the fire escape to his death. 

Galt and Kathleen witness the whole incident from the street, as does the cab driver who was waiting for Foss / Stauffer. Thinking fast, Galt steals the cab which still contains Foss’s luggage. Later, we hear that the bags were only full of clothes. Kathleen urges him to keep thinking.   Kathleen suddenly remembers that the Little Girl mentioned galleries. They put the pieces together and all evidence leads them to the Wickett Galleries. Galt heads there and questions the clerk. Under the guise of buying a painting, Galt inquires about meeting Mr. Wickett, and the clerk departs. Mari comes in the side door, and Galt tells her that Anthony Jardine has been murdered. She faints. Wickett comes in and when Galt tells him the truth, Ralph locks him in the gallery vault. Mari has revived and overhears Ralph’s threats, holding a gun on him. She shoots her husband dead. 

Kathleen has tipped off the police, who only want to charge him with stealing a taxi cab. Kathleen asks if he can be booked at another time because they have a date at the City Hall - to get married. 

End of Story

As a curtain call, Keighley chats with Lucille Ball and Mark Stevens. He congratulates Ball on the success of her stage show, Dream Girl, a play she says she will do again in San Francisco. When Keighley asks how Lucille’s busy schedule and that of her husband Desi Arnaz’s leave any time for a personal life, Ball says that they will be playing in San Francisco at the same time. 

In June 1947, Lucille Ball performed at New Jersey’s McCarter Theatre in Dream Girl, a play by Elmer Rice. It also played Brooklyn, Detroit and Boston. 

The San Francisco production opened just a week after this radio telecast. As Ball states, Desi Arnaz was also in San Francisco at the time, playing in the Rose Room of the Palace Hotel, a fact that was advertised in the Dream Girl program. During the Los Angeles engagement in January 1948, Ball fell ill and had to withdraw. Although she love performing on stage, her radio career and then television success did not allow her to return to the footlights until 1960.  

Lucy notes that like many other busy stars, she owes her good complexion to Lux Soap! 

Turning to Mark Stevens, Lucille notes that he will play an FBI man in his next project at Fox, with Keighley as director. 

Although the film’s title is not mentioned, they are referring to The Street With No Name, which won’t be released until June 1948. Stevens plays Gene Cordell aka George Manley, a covert FBI agent who infiltrates a ruthless gangster mob. "Lux Radio Theater" broadcast a 60-minute radio adaptation of the movie on January 31, 1949 with Mark Stevens reprising his film role. 

Keighley notes that next week “Lux Radio Theatre” will present Jane Wyman and Ronald Reagan in Nobody Lives Forever. 

The Warner Brothers picture Nobody Lives Forever was released on November 1, 1946. It originally starred John Garfield and Geraldine Fitzgerald in roles taken on radio by Reagan and Wyman, who were husband and wife at the time. Of course, Reagan left Hollywood for a grander stage, first in California as Governor, then as President of the United States. He bestowed Lucille Ball with The Kennedy Center Honor in 1986.

A public service announcement asks housewives to salvage kitchen fats and turn them in at their local butcher for cash!  

These were used to make supplies for wartime, such as ammunition and weapons. 

Announcer Kennedy notes that Mark Stevens appeared through the courtesy of 20th Century Fox, producers of Forever Amber. 

Forever Amber is a 1944 romance novel by Kathleen Winsor set in 17th-century England. It was made into a film in 1947 starring Cornel Wilde, who appeared in “The Star Upstairs” (ILL S4;E25). When “Lucy Writes A Novel” (ILL S3;E24), Ethel jokes about finding Lucy’s hidden manuscript and burning it:  “We pulled down the kitchen blind and changed the name of your novel to 'Forever Ember.'” 

‘DARK’ TRIVIA

In a September 1985 episode of “Remington Steele,” a character played by Stephen Dillane has the name Bradford Galt!  The stories, however, are not otherwise connected. 

In both the film and the radio show, Fred Foss gives his phone number as CH-elsea 4-43510. However, according to the Manhattan phone book for 1946, there were only CH-elsea 2 and CH-elsea 3 exchanges. Real phone numbers were rarely used in film or television. 

When television began to supplant radio, “The Lux Video Theatre” was introduced. It was seen from 1950 to 1959. Initially, the show was a thirty-minute weekly show featuring live stage plays, but when it moved to NBC in August 1954, the show was extended to sixty minutes. As on radio, the programs were then primarily adaptations of motion pictures. The host would introduce each act, and would conduct an interview with the stars at the end of the play. Of the cast of this radio version of The Dark Corner:

William Keighley directed an episode in 1951. 

Mark Stevens did an episode in 1955. 

Dan O’Herlihy did five episodes. 

Joseph Kearns did three episodes. 

The character name Ralph Wickett replaced Hardy Cathcart for the radio show. It is likely that they could no longer get legal clearance to use the name Hardy Cathcart, necessitating the change. 

The film featured Ellen Corby as a maid, a role not in the radio drama. Corby went on to be seen as Lucy Ricardo’s high school acting teacher and in several small roles on “The Lucy Show” before her best-loved role of Grandma on “The Waltons.” 

The film also features background work by Sam Harris, who did 15 films with Lucille Ball, in addition to multiple episodes of “I Love Lucy” and “The Lucy Show” as well as Harold Miller, who did eight films with Lucy and two episodes of “I Love Lucy”. 

The film is available on DVD complete with DVD commentary and original trailer. 

[fitmind-strongbody]

Happy Sunday everyone!

I’m getting ready for bed as I’m writing this 😴 This week has been so busy and it’s only gonna get more intense from here on out both in terms of uni work but also in terms of pr*tests and sit-ins and stuff lol

This week I kept up with my French (I didn’t do Chinese every day) and I increased my piano practice up to 35’ (not 40, which I was aiming for). Still proud of myself though! The abs challenge killed me and I wasn’t able to complete it due to other obligations but I really did feel the difference in my core and endurance!

I also signed up for online dance classes which I’m excited about!!! I love dancing and I miss in-person classes so much 😭

My goals for this week are:

Academic:

-practice languages everyday

-increase piano practice time up to 40’

-start two assignments

Fitness:

-stick to a better eating schedule (more regular eating times instead of just snacking)

-do my beginner’s dance class every day until I can get through the choreo

-continue stretching

-stick to the blogilates calendar

[trulymadlysydney]

The Boy Next Door - V

Of all the things she could’ve ordered, it had to be a sex toy.  And of all the people who could’ve been her neighbor, it just had to be coffee shop Harry.

I wont get into it until you’re finished reading, because I do have a lot to say.  But I will say I’m sorry it took me so long to complete this story, and that I worked harder on this part alone than I’ve worked on any other story I’ve ever written.  I love you guys, and I hope you enjoy. xx

(Part One HERE) (Part Two HERE) (Part Three HERE) (Part Four HERE)

***PLEASE DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION***

The next few days feel slow and uneventful, and anxiety looms over Nova’s head at every second.  She goes through the motions-- class, gym, home, repeat-- every day, but every step she takes feels wrong and strangely uncomfortable.  She misses Harry-- of course she does, but it’s a weird sort of emptiness.  Was she in the wrong?  Was Harry?

Jessie notices something is off with her on Tuesday morning when Nova doesn’t even look up from her spot at the kitchen table.  But Nova brushes it off, saying that she’s just tired and didn’t get much sleep the night before.  Which is partly true.

Nova’s mother catches on that something is wrong on Wednesday afternoon, when Nova responds to her texts with very few words.  Nova apologizes, telling her that she’s busy writing a paper.  Also partly true.

Thursday night, Nova cries herself to sleep, annoyed at herself for being so hung up on this.  Her phone lays beside her, with a half composed text message to Harry, asking if they can talk and telling him that she’s so sorry.  Before that, the text had been angry, yelling at him for never responding to her or letting her explain, but she’d felt horrible about it the minute she’d typed out the final word and had promptly erased the entire thing.

It’s on Friday that Nova finds herself particularly angry about the situation.  On the one hand, she knows she wasn’t wrong.  Of course she wasn’t wrong.  How could Harry have expected her to know? Obviously she couldn’t have read his mind.  She hadn’t known he was going to confess his feelings on that stage, like a cheesy romantic comedy.  But if she had, she would’ve paid better attention.

And on the other hand, she feels guilty.  One thing she’s learned about Harry is that he isn’t a mushy or vulnerable person by any means.  There is no denying that her talking to that guy-- Jason-- looked bad to Harry.  How could he have known it was innocent?  He must have been so nervous, and he’d obviously given his plan lots of thought only for her to go and not pay attention.  He had a right to be upset with her.

But again, how on earth could she have known?

Nova lets out a sigh that’s a bit louder than she’d anticipated, and it’s then that she remembers she’s in class right now.  Her cheeks grow hot when her professor-- Dr. Hoffman-- shoots her a look of confusion.  His lecture stops only briefly, with enough of a pause to let everyone know that Nova had just let out a sigh of annoyance.  But thankfully, he doesn’t acknowledge it any further.  He just turns back to the board and continues writing whatever it was he was writing.

Nova sinks down a bit further into her seat.  She wishes she could talk to somebody about this just to get it out of her head.  

It isn’t necessarily that she can’t talk to anybody.  It’s just that it’s such a strange story that she doesn’t even really know where to begin.  It isn’t like she could just call up her mom about it-- there are, of course, details that she feels are essential to the story.  She could talk to Jessie, sure, but Jessie’s solution would likely involve confronting Harry face to face, and Nova isn’t sure she could do that just yet.

Harry is the one she wants to talk to.  More than anything else right now, she wants to sit with Harry on their park bench again, lay her head on his shoulder, and explain everything.   Harry is the only one she feels would understand this situation completely, and she feels like they both have so many feelings  that they need to sort through together.

She’s considered texting him.  Several times actually.  But where would she start?  A simple “I’m sorry” wouldn’t cut it, but she’s not exactly sure she’s even ready to fully apologize.  Or if she even needs to apologize at all.  And Harry certainly hasn’t made any effort to clear things up on his end either.

And then her thoughts are full circle once again.  

Dr. Hoffman clears his throat and turns to his desk, concluding his lecture and reminding everyone to complete their online assignments this weekend.  The class buzzes back to life with soft conversations and zipping of backpacks, tuning out his words entirely.  Nova glances at the clock, surprised at how quickly her class went by and realizing how little she’d paid attention.  Everyone is already beginning to file out of the room, and she realizes that she’s lagging.

When everything is zipped into her backpack, she rises to her feet. Dr. Hoffman continues to eye her, and Nova feels bad, really.  She knows that Dr. Hoffman expects more of her, especially because this is one of her better classes this semester and she’s one of his most vocal students.  She participates frequently, always presenting questions and opposing arguments, taking detailed notes, and even staying after to ask follow up questions.  But this week she’s said next to nothing and, truthfully, has hardly paid much attention at all.  And though she knows it won’t be hard to get caught up by the end of this weekend, she does feel guilty and a little bit stressed at the thought of falling behind.

She shoots Dr. Hoffman a smile and an awkward thumbs up as she makes her way to the door.  (Why did she give him a thumbs up? What could that possibly mean to him?  “Hey man great lecture even though we both know I wasn’t listening!”)

When she exits the room, she is instantly swallowed up in a sea of student walking the long stretch that makes up Winston Hall. A good 80% of them walk with their noses buried into their phones, and the rest share rather loud stories about their plans this weekend or a test they’d just taken.  It makes Nova chuckle, seeing the obvious difference between the undergrad students—especially the freshmen— and the students closer to her in age. It’s a difference that Nova had considered subtle up until this past year or so. She hadn’t realized how small freshmen looked to her until she’d had a freshman classmate in Dr. Shuff—Rick’s— class.

And then Nova nearly stops walking when it clicks in her head… she needs to talk to Rick.

On more than one occasion Nova had found herself staying after class to talk to Rick about anything they could think of. Her life, his life, it didn’t matter. Rick was a younger man, though still older than Nova. He was about 35 or 36, if she remembered correctly, and he had always given her the best advice when she’d needed it. His wife had just given birth to a baby girl who’d they’d called Penelope, and Rick was constantly showing Nova pictures and sharing stories of all of the baby’s firsts.  Rick was someone who Nova considered a friend as well as a teacher, and now she walks with a bit more of a spring in her step at the thought of speaking to him again. He’ll know exactly what she’ll need to hear, and it’ll be good to catch up on his life as well.

Nova winds around the corners of the halls and follows two flights up stairs upwards. She walks the all too familiar path that had once been her absolute favorite, until she reaches the open door to Rick’s room.  She hears two faint voices coming from inside, so she knows there isn’t a class going on at the moment, and Rick isn’t going to care if she pops in to his conversation. Still, she politely raps her knuckles against the door frame twice  to announce her presence before entering the room.

When she turns the corner into the room, however, she stops dead in her tracks.

There’s Rick, who hasn’t changed at all since the last time she’s seen him.  He’s half leaning, half sitting casually against his desk with his hands palm-down on the edge and his feet crossed at the ankles. And of course, there in front of him, is Harry standing tall and awkward, wearing a striped jumper and looking just as startled as Nova probably is.

“Nova!” Rick’s greeting is enthusiastic, and it’s clear he’s already twelve steps ahead of both Nova and Harry.  He’s smirking like he knows a secret, and Nova realizes they must have been talking about her.

“Wow!” is all Nova can manage to choke out.  Harry’s cheeks turn red.

“What’s goin’ on, Nova?”  Rick smiles.  “Come on in.  Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Um.  Actually I--”  Nova glances from Rick to Harry, and Harry’s eyes seemed glued on her.  His expression hasn’t changed once other than his cheeks going redder and redder by the second.  His mouth stays open, like he was mid-sentence before she came in, and he and Nova seem to realize this at the same time because he closes his mouth with an embarrassingly loud chomp.  

Why is she so nervous? She had been fully confident less than two minutes ago.  Of course she wanted to talk to Harry but god, not yet. She wanted to have time to think through what she was going to say. She wanted to talk to Rick, to have Rick tell her to stop being a chicken and tell Harry she’s sorry. She wanted to imagine every possible way the conversation could go, any possible response Harry could have.  But now here he is, gangly and visibly uncomfortable and, of fucking course, beautiful.  This was not at all her plan.

Nova turns back to Rick.  “Actually I just realized that I have to do some homework.  I have to leave. Um.  Super hard homework.  It’s due at midnight.  I have to go.”

Nova turns on her heel and almost runs into the wall as she makes her escape.  She lets out a nervous laugh that doesn’t sound at all like a laugh the minute she’s in the hallway.  Her heart is pounding in her ears as she walks, and she feels absolutely ridiculous for all of this.  Why did she react that way?  What were they talking about?  Why did Harry look so nervous?

And then, and she isn’t sure what on earth it is that possess her to do this, she stops walking. The inner voice inside of her gives her the advice she’d known all along.  She needs to face this head on.  

She thinks back briefly to the conversation she’d had with Harry about how every decision she’d ever made in her life had led her here, and she knows that this is a sign. Harry is here, now, and the situation cannot be prolonged any further.

Nova curses under her breath.  She knows exactly what she needs to do right now, and the image of Harry looking cozy and soft and adorable and awkward keeps playing in her mind, motivating her to make her decision.  No matter how scary this is for her, she has to do it.

So she turns back around and marches straight back into Rick’s room.

She hasn’t gone far, which means that she’s back in the room in under ten seconds.  Harry and Rick have hardly moved-- both of them remain frozen watching the door.  Rick is still smiling.  Harry still looks mortified.

Nova takes a deep breath.  “Hello.  I’m back.”

Rick nods his head.  “Hello.”

How on earth is she supposed to do this?  She clears her throat.  “Uh.  Rick, this is my friend Harry.”  Harry winces a little, something that is hardly even noticeable, and Rick snorts.

“Yeah we’ve met actually.”

“Oh.”

Harry won’t meet Nova’s gaze.  “Yeah, class just ended.”

And now Nova feels like a total idiot.  Of course class just ended.  She knew Harry was taking Rick’s class because she’s been more or less tutoring him since they’d met.  Harry was probably just asking Rick for extra help, since he and Nova weren’t on speaking terms.  Nova blinks a few times, processing all of this.  “Oh.”

Rick nods, changing his stance and crossing his arms across his chest.  “How have you been, Nova?  Still enjoying your classes?”

Nova can’t take her eyes off of Harry, who’s nervously fidgeting with the long sleeves of his jumper.  “Uh,” she stammers.  “Yeah.  For sure.”

“That’s good.”  Rick raises his eyebrows, like he’s expecting Nova to say something else.  She clears her throat once again.

“How’s Penelope?”

“She’s great, she’s just learned how to crawl so you can imagine how stressful it’s been around the house.”

Nova offers a half hearted chuckle, and even Harry cracks a smile at the thought of a tiny baby wreaking havoc while crawling around on all fours.  But other than her pitiful excuse for a laugh, there’s a thick silence in the air-- made worse by the ticking of the clock hanging above the door.

Rick lets out a nasally laugh after a few beats.   “Was there something on your mind, Nova?”

Of course Rick would ask that.  He knows her so well.  And although she did come in here to talk to him about what was on her mind, she can’t bring herself to do it.  Not now, with the source of all of her issues standing right in front of her and not even meeting her gaze.

“Uh.. well, I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

“Mm.”  Rick nods his head, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking from Nova to Harry.  He looks back and forth, back and forth, while the all-knowing smile never once leaves his face.  Finally he sighs, straightening his back up   “Well, listen.  I’m not going to pretend like I don’t know what’s going on here.”

Nova and Harry exchange a glance then, and the tips of Harry’s ears become visibly red.  “Dr. Shuff,” he says quietly.  The sentence ends with a period, because truthfully Harry has no idea what else he wants to say.  Rick is absolutely right.

Rick eyes Nova.  “Nova, would I be correct in assuming you came to speak to me about Mr. Styles here?”

Styles.  The name plays back, over and over in Nova’s head.  How had she not known his last name was Styles?  It’s so perfect, so fitting for him.  Harry Styles.  Nova feels herself swooning just the tiniest bit, but the sinking feeling in her stomach keeps her anchored.  She picks nervously at her fingernail.

“Uh.  Yeah.  You would be correct.”

“And Mr. Styles,” Rick angles himself so he’s facing Harry now.  “Your story about your friend-- the musician, right?-- messing up his chances with a girl in the crowd.”  Harry tucks his bottom lip between his teeth as Rick continues.  “Your friend wouldn’t happen to be in this room right now, would he?”

“How could you tell?”  Harry doesn’t show any sign of amusement or embarrassment.  He just stares blankly at the whiteboard beyond Dr. Shuff’s shoulder.  He never had been good at lying.

“Believe it or not,” Rick says slowly.  “I was at your show that night.”

“What?!”  The question comes from both Harry and Nova at the same time, and it makes Rick laugh.  

“Don’t look so shocked.  I may be a professor, but I’m not an old man.  I like to have fun too, you know.”

“Rick--”

Rick cuts Nova off, offering Harry a warm smile.  “Your band is rad, Harry.”

Harry smiles, the first genuine smile he’s given during this entire conversation.  “Thank you!”

“I mean it.  I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  You’ve got some serious talent.”  Rick turns back so that he’s angled towards the both of them.  “But.  Something happened that night, didn’t it?”

“Yes sir.”  Harry speaks quietly, and Nova nearly rolls her eyes.

“You don’t have to be so formal, Harry.”  It’s the first thing she’s said directly to him, aside from “oh” and she doesn’t like how bitter it sounds.  

Harry shoots Nova a look that is a mixture of hurt and annoyed, but Rick holds up his hand to stop anything from blowing up unnecessarily.  “Nova.  Something happened that night that you both clearly need to talk about, and I can’t be the middleman forever here.  You both came to me, so I’ll be happy to help in any way that I can.  But it’s obvious that this is something that you both really care about.  It’s something that needs to be discussed, and addressed calmly, by both of you.”

Once again, the silence is back-- thicker this time.  Harry runs his tongue over his teeth, looking  anywhere but at Nova.  A million thoughts run wild in Nova’s brain.  She’s angry that Harry seems angry.  She’s hurt.  But at the same time, she wants to run over to him, throw her arms around his neck and kiss him all over.  She chooses, instead, to bite at the inside of her cheek.

To everyone’s surprise, Harry is the first to speak.  “Nova, I’m sorry.”  He still refuses to look at her, but his admission makes her soften the tiniest bit.  “I wasn’t thinking.  You could never have known.”

Nova doesn’t know what to do, and she looks at Rick for guidance.  He raises his eyebrows at her, as if to say “Well?  Your move!” It makes her nervous.   Why won’t Harry look at her?

“Harry… “  She blinks a few times, as if that’s going to clear her mind.  She doesn’t know what to say, and she stumbles over her words.  “I don’t…. I mean… You’re right.  I couldn’t have.  At all.  I didn’t… I had no idea.  You got so mad… I wasn’t….”  She trails off in a sigh.  Realizing how tense she is, she lets her shoulders drop.  The answer wasn’t good enough, not at all, but processing this is hard for her.

Harry laughs, almost bitterly, and shrugs his shoulders.  “Deserve that kind of response I guess.”

“No, what I mean is…”  What does she mean?  Rick’s gaze is burning a hole into Nova’s face,  and Nova wishes that it was Harry’s instead. She groans and tries again.  “What I’m trying to say is--”

Nova is cut off by a voice as two young boys enter the classroom.  One carries a skateboard under his arm, and the other is talking loudly about some girl he’d “fucked”-- as he so graciously put it-- last night.  The two are visibly younger than Harry and Nova, and they all stare at each other for a brief moment when the boys realize they aren’t alone in the room.

Harry clears his throat, as the entire situation becomes even more painfully awkward than before.  Rick smiles, relaxing his stance completely once again.  “Nova, Harry, Intro to Physics is about to start.  Would you like to join us?”

Nova didn’t even know that Rick taught undergrad classes.  She glances from the boys, to Rick, and back to Harry-- who is now staring at her dumbfounded.  

“Uh, sorry,” is the only thing Nova can offer.  “We’ll uh… we’ll come back another time.”  

More students begin filing in the room and Nova turns on her heel to leave.  Of course this would happen.   She hears Harry begin walking as well, thinking maybe he’s going to follow her and try and continue the conversation.

“Guys?”

Both Harry and Nova turn to see Rick still looking at them.   He offers them a reassuring smile.  “Remember what I said, please.  Talk to each other.   Be kind.”

Neither Harry or Nova moves at first, hoping that he’ll offer them a bit more advice.  Nova is about to say something else, but Rick has already turned to greet another student, who has a question about homework.  

Harry is the first to resume walking, heading straight for the door and offering Nova a thin-lipped smile.   He brushes past her then, and she gets a whiff of his scent.  His smell-- the smell she’d come to love, and miss more than anything-- takes her by surprise, and for a split second any and all anger she’d felt melts away.

Immediately she turns to exit the room, nearly bumping into another student.  It takes her a few moments of scanning before she sees which way Harry’s gone.  “Harry!” she calls.

He doesn’t turn around.

Nova’s heart is pounding as she watches him shove earbuds into his ears.  Half of her wants to stay here, watch him disappear into the crowd, and then head home so she can angry cry.

But hell.  She’s already come this far.

“Hey!” Nova calls, louder this time.  She doesn’t even have time to register what she’s doing, her feet are carrying her so quickly down the hall.  Before she knows it, she’s close enough to him that she can smell him, and she reaches up to touch his shoulder.

Harry knows it’s her before he even turns around, as if he was expecting this.  He yanks his earbuds out of his ear and stops walking.  “At least let me get outside first.”

“Why won’t you talk to me?!”  He voice comes out exasperated as she walks around to stand in front of him.  “Harry, you can’t keep avoiding this!”

Harry rolls his eyes, looking over the top of Nova’s head at the crowded hallway, considering what he’s about to say.  “Well we’re not going to do this here, are we?”  It isn’t a question.

“Then where?” Nova presses.  “When?”

Harry doesn’t have an answer for her.  He knows he wants to talk to her about this-- so, so badly, but he also can’t very well express himself in the way he wants to with all these people around.  He lets out a long sigh.  “Follow me.”

He doesn’t offer her any explanation, he just begins walking.  Nova has no choice to follow behind him, like a puppy dog with its tail between its legs.  Harry takes a few turns, and the walk takes longer than Nova is expecting.  She almost thinks that Harry is trying to ditch her, and she’s about to say something, when he stops in front of a door labelled “Tutoring.”  

Nova has seen these rooms before but she’s never been behind one.  She knows there are several designated tutoring rooms located in practically every building, but the only open for anyone with a key card-- meaning designated tutors who’ve made appointments with their tutee.  

To Nova’s surprise, Harry retrieves his wallet from his back pocket and, after a few moments of searching, presents one of the aforementioned key cards.  He holds it up to the magnetic lock and, presto, the door opens.  

Harry pushes the door open without any further explanation, only realizing how strange this looks when Nova doesn’t follow him in.    He shrugs.  “I used to tutor kids in music theory last year.  Surprisingly this thing still works.  Unlocks any tutoring room in any building.”  

Nova still doesn’t say anything, so Harry chuckles, nodding his head over his shoulder.  “Coming?”

For a split second, it feels like everything between them is fine.  Nova shakes her head in an attempt to clear it and makes her way into the room.

When Harry closes the door behind her, Nova is almost shocked at how quiet everything gets.  The room is so small, with a somewhat large table in the center of it surrounded by wheeled chairs.  There’s an old TV in the corner of the room-- the kind that Nova’s high school teachers would play educational films on during half days-- and a whiteboard along the farthest wall.  It looks almost like a miniature classroom, complete with obnoxious fluorescent lighting that somehow adds to Nova’s anxiety, and there are no windows to be found.  They are completely alone.  

Harry drops his backpack onto the floor and makes his way over to the table,  sitting on the edge of it the way Rick had been sitting against his desk.  He shrugs, letting his hands slap against his thighs.  “So talk.”

Nova is taken aback by his abruptness and seemingly nonchalant attitude.  She furrows her eyebrows.  “Excuse me?”

“You’ve obviously got something to say so let’s hear it.  Are you going to tell me I’m wrong again?”

It’s amazing how quickly Nova’s attitude goes from sad, to excited, to angry.  She scoffs.  “What is wrong with you?  You really mean to tell me you have nothing more to talk about?  You think this is on me?”

“Of course I don’t.”  Harry is remaining surprisingly cool on the outside, though inside he can feel his stomach twisting up in knots.  “You’re the one who followed me though.”

“So, once again, you were just going to ignore this?”

“Once again?”  Now Harry’s voice raises a bit.  “What on earth does that mean?”

“You’re exhausting, Harry.  Why won’t you just talk to me?”

Harry offers her his smug grin that, under any other circumstances, she would find sexy.  Now she just wants to slap it right off of his face, especially when all he says is, “We’re talking right now, are we not?”

Nova sighs through her teeth, and her voice is just on the brink of yelling.  “You can’t keep running from this you know!”

“Oh, I know I can’t!” He says, rising to his feet and moving towards her.  Everything about him is big, and he looms over Nova in a way that she’s never noticed.  “I’m not trying to!  You’re the one that doesn’t want to talk.  You don’t want to hear it, and you’ve made it very clear.”

“Excuse me?!”  Nova blinks a few times, and her hand subconsciously finds it way to her hip.  “What the hell does that mean?”

Harry scoffs.  “You’re so good at always getting your way, aren’t you?  You want me to beg, and I’m not going to do it.  I tried to apologize, Nova.  Just now. In front of Dr.  Shuff.  And you shut me down.”

Nova rolls her eyes.  “Oh my GOD.   You are so fucking dramatic, you know that?  I didn’t ‘shut you down’ in there.  I’m allowed to be upset, Harry, I just need time to think through my words.  I have to think about how to tell you that I’m sorry.  Okay?  God, I’m so fucking sorry, but you know what?  I was the one who apologized! The very night it happened! But what did you do?”

“Nova--”  

“You ignored it, Harry! So don’t tell me that I’m the one who ‘doesn’t want to hear it.’”

“How come you’re the only one who gets ‘time’ to think, then?  You expected a response right then and there?  I was allowed to be hurt, too, you know.”

“You had this whole week to think through your response, Harry.  You had the entire week to forgive me, and you didn’t!”

“And where were you?” Harry’s voice raises now, matching Nova’s in volume.  “Hm? Where were you this whole bloody week?  Because I didn’t hear from you either.”

“You ignored me Harry!”  Nova reaches up to run her fingers through her hair.  “Are you kidding me?!  What the fuck else was I supposed to take from that?”

She’s right.  Harry knows she’s right, but dammit, so is he.  He has absolutely no idea how to respond, so instead he just lets his eyes close.  He breathes softly, allowing his anger to subside just a bit. “Nova,” he says quietly after a beat, “We’re just going to keep going in circles here.  This is helping no one.”

Nova’s cheeks grow hot.  She notices the shift in Harry’s temperament, and it drives her crazy, but she knows he’s right.  Talking in circles is clearly solving nothing.  “So how do we stop then?”  She’s still upset, but her voice has lowered too.  Now she just wants to cry.  “What do we do, Harry?  Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

Harry scans her face, trying to come up with an answer to her request.  When he falls short, he sighs, shaking his head.  “I don’t know.  I don’t fucking know.”

Nova swallows, wanting nothing more than to reach up and stroke at his cheek.  She refrains, of course, but her fingers curl and uncurl, just itching to touch him.  “Harry--”

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says.  His tone isn’t angry, its sad.  “Please.  I don’t know what to do, Nova.  I miss you.”

The pressure behind Nova’s eyes builds just a bit, and she tries to blink it away, knowing that if they continue this way she’ll be crying in no time.  “I miss you, too.  How do we fix this?”

Harry reaches forward to take her hands in his, and Nova swallows at the contact.  It’s so simple, so soft.  She repeats herself.  “How do we fix this, Harry?”

“I feel like a fucking idiot,” he says.  It isn’t an answer to her question, it more so feels like he’s working everything out in his own mind.

“You’re not an idiot,” she says, blinking up at him.  “You aren’t at all.”

“I am though.  This whole thing is so dramatic, and there’s no good reason for it.   I turned it into this whole....thing.  I overreacted.”

“You didn’t--”

“You couldn’t have known.”

Nova’s heart sinks, and she gives his hand a squeeze.  “You couldn’t have either.  You know that.”

“I think…”  Harry sighs.  “I don’t know what I think.  I care about you a lot.  I fucked up.  I overreacted and I know that.  But when I didn’t hear from you--”

“Stop.”  Nova lets go of one of his hands, finally giving in to her urge to cup his cheek.  She forces him to look at her.  “Stop it.”

“I’m sorry.”

Nova’s face feels hot, and when she blinks she’s not surprised to feel a tear slip down her cheek.  “I’m sorry, too,” she says.

Harry leans his head down the slightest bit, until he’s close enough that Nova can feel his breath.  He hesitates a brief moment, both of them just drinking in the feeling of being close to one another again, before fastening their lips together softly. It starts out as just a peck, almost a question, asking the other if they’re alright with this.  But when neither makes an effort to pull away when their lips come apart, they have their answer.  

Harry’s hand finds its way to the back of Nova’s neck while his other hand slides up her waist.  It feels so good, so absolutely perfect to be here with her like this again.  He’s thought about this every night, falling asleep to the thought of kissing her, tasting her in the most innocent way.  Intimacy in the softest form.  

He sighs into the kiss, hardly removing his lips from hers.  “You smell good.”  

Nova hums into his mouth, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck and tangling her fingers in his hair.  She traces his bottom lip with her tongue, and he gladly complies, opening his mouth for her and pulling her even impossibly closer.  

It’s beautiful, but it’s sad.  Tension fizzles in every corner of the room, and they know that nothing has been resolved just yet but god, do they need this right now.

Both of Harry’s hands find their way to Nova’s hips, and he guides her gently backwards until her backside presses against the table.  She shifts a bit until she’s sitting on it, with Harry resting between her legs.

“I wish you were mine, Nova.”

His words catch her off guard.  “I am,” she says, pulling away.  She doesn’t remove her hand from his face.  “I have been for a while.”

Harry says nothing back, he only continues to kiss her.  His hands travel along her spine and into her hair, and his lips trail along her neck softly.  Nova sighs when he hits a particularly sweet spot, and he loves the sound so much that he sinks his teeth into the spot just to hear it again.  She reaches for one of his hands and squeezes it.  “I’m yours, Harry,” she says softly.

He sighs, removing his lips from her neck and resting his forehead in the spot where neck meets shoulder.  “You’re an angel, baby.  You aren’t mine.”

“What does that mean?”  Nova says sadly, lifting his head with both hands and looking at him.  “Of course I am.  Stop saying that.”

“I never asked,” he says.  “I never made you mine.  I did it all wrong.”

“It isn’t too late to fix it,” Nova replies, offering a soft smile that makes him melt.   “We can forget this.”

“How?” he asks.  “If we’re going to keep fighting--”

“We both said we’re sorry!” Nova uses her thumb to stroke at Harry’s cheek.  “I miss you.  I want to be yours.”

Harry’s eyes dart from Nova’s eyes to her lips and back again, and he presses one more soft kiss to her lips before standing fully upright. He smiles at her, letting his nails trail softly up and down her parted thighs when he speaks.  “I miss you so much.”

“So let’s stop then.”  She leans forward, kissing him once more.  “Let’s move on.”

“I want to,” he says. “Darling, I want to so badly.”

“So let’s do it.”

“We just need time.”  He offers her a sad smile.  “Just a little longer.”

Nova’s heart sinks at his words, and she lets out an exasperated groan.  “Harry what are you talking about?! We’re fine now!   We forgive each other!”

“I just….”  Harry sighs.  “I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, I think.  I need time to sort through everything.”

“Tell me what you want me to do!” Nova’s words echo what she’d said when they’d first entered this room, but now she feels more vulnerable about them.  “I’ll do it, just tell me.  Please.”

“I can’t,” he says, shaking his head.  “I don’t know what I want you do to.  I don’t know what I want to do.  I just want to go back to a week ago.  I want to go back and do this the right way.”

“We can do it the right way now!” Nova says, whining when Harry pulls away.  “Stop doing this to yourself!”

“Can I tell you something?”  Harry says, now standing just out of Nova’s reach.

“Of course,” she says.  “Anything.”

“I know that we haven’t known each other a very long time when you really think about it.  And I know that all of this has been turned into something so much more dramatic than it needs to be.  But you know what?”  Nova doesn’t say anything, wanting to give him time to work through his thoughts.  He nods his head, as if coming to a realization.  “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else in my life, Novocaine.”

Nova’s heart melts at the nickname that she’d grown so fond of, and she feels her eyes prickling with tears.  “I feel the same way about you, Harry.”

“Which is why,” he says slowly,  “we need time.  We need to do this right.”

Nova sighs.  “Harry you’re driving me crazy.”

“I know, sweet girl,” Harry says.  “I’m just overwhelmed, I think.  Like, I feel stupid.  I didn’t expect to see you today, you know? I just… I think I just need a moment to process all of this.”

Nova snorts. “We’ve had a week, Harry.”  But she gets it. She knows he’s right, and truthfully, she needs to do a bit of processing herself.

“Look.  I forgive you, you forgive me.  We’re okay on that front.  But we can’t… do this right now.  Not right here.”

“When then?”

Harry smiles, ignoring her question and walking over to his previously discarded backpack. He picks it up, slinging it over his right shoulder.  “I do have classes today, you know.  Classes where attendance is crucial to my grade. Quit encouraging me to be a bad student.”

Nova rolls her eyes, but of course she’s happy to be back to their usual banter.  “Fine.  Go to class then.  Just text me later.”

Harry raises a hand, playfully saluting her and making her giggle.  “Yes ma’am.”

When the door closes with an echoing thud, Nova can’t help but stare a while longer.   She reaches up to touch at her lips, frowning when she realizes that they’ve been chapped this entire time.   She can still taste Harry on her tongue, and his smell still lingers in the air around her.  His words keep playing over and over in her head-- he’s never felt this way about anyone else,    Nova isn’t sure if she should be scared or excited by that.

She smiles to herself, fishing around in her purse until she finds her phone.  Pulling it out, she scrolls straight to her messages with Harry.  It feels good to be able to do this again, to text him without having to worry about it.  Quickly she types out a message and hits the little blue arrow without thinking.

“Is it later yet?” ----- Nova spends the rest of the day in a daze, replaying Harry’s words over and over again in her head.  He’s never felt this way about anyone else in his life, and god knows Nova feels the same about him.  But why won’t he talk to her?  Why won’t he fix this now?

Jessie pushes the issue again for the first time since Tuesday, and Nova considers telling her everything.  She knows Jessie won’t judge, and she thinks that maybe Jessie will have an answer for her as to what the hell Harry meant about needing time.  But just as Nova’s about to bring it up, Jessie groans at a text on her phone.

“God, Jade is driving me fucking crazy.” She tosses her phone onto the couch next to her.

“Oh yeah?”  Nova pulls her legs up to her chest, and grins at Jessie from where she sits at the dining room.  “What’s going on?”

Jessie launches into this entire story about her “best friend” Jade, and Nova tries to listen-- really-- except everything is making her think of Harry.  As much as she hates feeling like a teenager with her very first crush, she can’t help it.  The thought of Harry’s lips against her neck makes her heart flutter, and the memory of his warmth between her thighs makes her weak.  She just wants to hear from him again, even if he thinks they need time.

Thankfully Jessie doesn’t pick up on how distracted Nova seems to be when she gives her advice.  Nova has heard Jessie talk about Jade like this a million times, so she pulls from her memory bank to offer words of encouragement and agreements that “yeah, Jade sucks.”  When Nova’s phone buzzes mid-sentence, she can’t even help but to trail off and glance down at her phone.

Of course it isn’t Harry.

Jessie snorts, snapping Nova’s attention back to the present situation.  

“What?”  Nova blurts.

“Is it that one British dude from the party?”  Jessie asks, nonchalantly tossing her hair over her shoulder and picking up her previously discarded phone.  “The guy who walked us home?”

Nova bites at her bottom lip.  “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”  Jessie smirks but she doesn’t look up from her phone.  “Did he text you?”

Nova sighs.  “No.  He didn’t.”

“You wanted him to though, huh?”

“I mean—“

“Kid, I may have been drunk that night but I’m not stupid.  There’s definitely something going on, is there not?”

“Well….” Nova trails off once again.  “There is. Or I guess there was. There might be.  I don’t know.”

Jessie sits up a bit. “Nova! What the hell!”

“What?!”

“You’ve been letting me go on and on for fucking ever now about all my problems. I didn’t know you had yourself a man!”

“I don’t!”

“You sure?”

Nova groans and rests her head in the palm of her hand. “I don’t know, Jess. It’s complicated.”

“Okay so let’s unpack this.”  Jessie drops her phone into her lap, fully ready to go into a therapy session.  “You had a man.”

“I guess so.”

“What happened?”

Nova pauses only briefly before unloading the situation on Jessie.  She, of course, spares quite a few details but the gist is still there.  Jessie listens diligently, only interjecting a few times but generally being completely understanding.  Nova doesn’t realize how long she’s been talking, or how much she’s saying, until she finds herself a bit winded when she reaches her ending point.

Jessie remains ever patient, smiling at Nova and waiting to be absolutely sure that she’s finished her story.  When she doesn’t continue, Jessie nods-- letting out a breath she’s been holding this entire time.  “Well,” she says slowly.  “That was a lot.”

“Was it?”  Nova frowns.

“You wanna know what I think, kid?  Honestly?”   She doesn’t give Nova any time to answer.  “I think you’re both being disgustingly dramatic for no reason.”

Nova snorts, shocked at Jessie’s bluntness.  “What?!”

“So you messed up because you weren’t paying attention to his one brave little confession of love, and now suddenly you’re both crying and avoiding each other?  Are you guys in high school?”  Jessie puts on a terrible British accent in an overly deep voice, mimicking Harry.  ‘I ‘fink I jus’ need sum mo’ time to wallow in my own self pity.’  Give me a break.”

“Harry doesn’t sound like that.”

“And you!”  Jessie laughs.  “You’re gonna beat yourself up over this?  Still?  A week later?  Come ON.”

Nova is laughing now, too.  Jessie may be blunt, but her words are appreciated and they definitely help Nova out of her own head.  “Alright, so what do you suggest I do then?”

Jessie glances at the time on her phone before swinging her legs over the side of the couch and rising to her feet. “Well,” she says.  “I’m about to leave  for work.  Invite his ass over.”

“I don’t know if he wants to talk about this anymore.”

“Oh my god,” Jessie says, rolling her eyes and slipping her phone into the waistband of her yoga pants.  She begins heading into her room.  “You’re not gonna get anything solved if you keep that attitude.  There’s no use dwelling on this anymore.  It’s been a week.  Either it’s meant to work out, or its not.”  

Once again, Jessie doesn’t wait for Nova to respond.  She disappears into her bedroom, scrolling through her phone.

In a weird way, Jessie’s words give Nova a surge of confidence.  Of course she wants to give Harry his time, but Jessie is right-- the whole situation feels entirely too dramatic for Nova’s liking.  While she doesn’t expect things to go right back to how they were, she doesn’t want to dwell on this any longer.  She misses him, and after their short interaction today Nova finds herself craving more.

With a smile, Nova pulls out her phone.  As soon as she unlocks it, it opens straight up to a brief conversation she’d had with Harry earlier today.

-Is it later yet?

-Cheeky. -Missed you though.  More than you know.

-We’re going to be just fine, Harry.

He hadn’t replied because he’d been in class, and Nova almost feels embarrassed to be sending him a double text.  But she tries to embody the spirit of Jessie and keep her confidence levels up.  So she clears her throat, as if she were about to verbally speak with someone, and shoots him a text.

-What are you doing right now?  Come over!

Nova hits send without even thinking, but instantly feels the panic begin to rise up in her stomach.  She reads the text aloud, quietly to herself, and then immediately shoots him another one.

-We don’t have to talk anymore about what happened -We can just hang out if you want -Like, watch a movie and stuff -But then again, if you want to talk about it, I’m good with that as well

With each text she sends, Nova can feel her confidence draining.  This is why she hadn’t wanted to tell Jessie in the first place. Although she knew the girl talk would do her some good, she wasn’t Jessie.  Anxiety bubbles up in Nova’s stomach, reaching her chest and pooling at the base of her neck.   Her throat feels completely dry, and she rises to her feet without hesitation. Dropping her phone face down onto the table, she makes her way into the kitchen to get a drink of water.

It will be fine, won’t it?  Yes, things technically haven’t fully been resolved just yet, but at least it’s still the same Harry.  Harry knows her.  Double and even triple texts had never really been a problem for either of them thus far.  Surely Harry won’t mind.

With a water bottle in hand, Nova gulps down a few sips and makes her way back to her spot at the dining table.  Her hand shakes slightly as she reaches for her phone, and she almost fully closes her eyes when she turns it so that the screen faces her.

He’s responded, and Nova doesn’t know whether to be nervous or happy.  As if on autopilot mode, she unlocks her phone to read his message.

-I wish I could. I’m out right now running errands.

Nova bites her lip, trying her hardest to not feel left down.  Her fingers seem to have a mind of their own, and although her actual mind is begging her not to, she types and sends out another message to him.

-That’s fine.  Maybe later? -If it would make you feel better, we could hang out somewhere public. -I was thinking of getting a coffee in a bit.  That might be fun!

She groans, using one hand to rub at her face.  Stop fucking texting him Nova.

-What time later?

His response is quick, leaving Nova hardly any time to think through her response.  She glances in the upper left corner of her phone to read the time- 1:51.

-Uhhh… maybe 3?  Does that work?

Why is she doing this?  After Harry clearly said he needed space and time, here she is making an absolute buffoon of herself.  If he says no, she won’t blame him.  Her phone pings with another message.

-Can’t.  I have band practice at three. :(

Then again, she might blame him a little.

Nova sighs, setting her phone down, then picking it back up. Her mind goes back and forth between whether she should text him or just leave it there.   As if to add fuel to the flames of her gut-wrenching embarrassment, he texts again.

-Sorry, love.

She swallows then, willing herself not to cry.  It isn’t that he doesn't want her, and she knows that.  He’d said so earlier, he wished she was his.  But here she is, practically giving herself to him, and for what?  For him to be busy.  For him to need more time; a request that, for some reason, she struggles to honor.

Blinking back a few small tears she replies.

-It’s okay! I’m still probably going to go anyway so just let me know if you change your mind -You can just meet me in the hallway if you do

Why did she say that?

-Or even in like, the actual coffee shop.  Cause I’ll be there one way or another at 3

It’s useless.  Nova knows it’s useless but she can’t seem to stop embarrassing herself.  She sees the gray dots that indicate Harry’s typing and immediately powers off her phone-- knowing that it’s the only way to end the conversation with a bit of dignity.

She lets out a sigh and reaches up to wipe at her slightly damp eye as Jessie clomps back into the room in her heels.  It hasn’t taken her long at all to get ready for work, and that’s one thing that Nova has always envied about her.  She still looks gorgeous, of course, and she shoots Nova a blinding smile.

“Well?”

Nova plays dumb.  “Well what?”

“Is he coming?”

“Uh.”   Jessie is, of course, coming from a good place, and Nova knows that.  Still, she isn’t sure she’s ready to get into this any further with Jessie.  Like Harry, Nova needs time to process.   So she offers Jessie a smile.  “I think so.  We’re probably gonna meet up in a bit.”

“Ugh, thank GOD.”  Jessie makes her way over to where Nova sits, bending down to wrap Nova up in a hug.  “See?  Everything will be fine.”   She combs her fingers through Nova’s hair, sending a chill up the younger girls spine, before straightening up and heading towards the door.  “Don’t wait up,” She calls over her shoulder, grabbing her keys off the hook by the door.  “Jade and I are going out for drinks tonight after work.”

“Jade?”  Nova questions, turning in her seat.  “I thought you hated her now.”

Jessie scoffs, opening up the front door and slipping through it as she speaks.  “She’s annoying the fuck out of me but I don’t hate her.  Besides, a drink is a drink!”  She raises her fingers to her lips and blows Nova a kiss, wiggling her fingers at the end.  “Bye kid!  Good luck!”

When the door closes, Nova is left alone with the silence that follows.  It’s so loud it makes her uncomfortable, and she lets out a long and overly dramatic sigh.

She eyes her bedroom door then, as a thought creeps into her head.

At least she knows one sure fire way to relieve her own stress.

-------------- It’s 2:46pm, and Nova is coming down from the high of not one, not two, but three of the most incredible orgasms of her life.

She’d always heard that orgasms were an amazing stress reliever (something about dopamine or serotonin, if Nova remembers correctly) but truth be told she’d never used her vibrator while stressed.  Stress tends to be a common theme in Nova’s life, however, and now  that she knows just how good a stress orgasm can be, she foresees lot of time alone in her bedroom in the near future.  The pleasure--however fleeting-- is enough to heighten her mood just a bit.  Every source of her issues has been forgotten.

Well, almost every source.

Nova had allowed herself to think of Harry while playing with herself, although it did take a bit of work to make her brain shut up about all the texts she’d sent to him earlier.  She had been drowning in embarrassment up until the vibe had hit a particularly sensitive spot, causing her mouth to fall open and a rather loud “oh” to fall from her lips.  It was the first time in a while that Nova hadn’t worried about her volume levels for any reason other than letting Harry hear her.  Who cared if he had anyway?  And besides, she hadn’t heard him come home since they’d texted.  (Not that she’d been paying attention of course.)

She glances at the analog clock on her bedside table.  (The clock that Jessie always made fun of Nova for still having.) She has about 10 minutes to get ready if she wants to be at the coffee shop around 3.

Nova knows Harry isn’t coming. He’d flat out told her he wasn’t.  She feels like an idiot for holding on to a bit of hope that he’ll be waiting there for her, but still. (Besides, even if he doesn’t show up, a coffee sounds great.)  She rolls lazily off of her bed and begins going through the motions of getting cleaned up.  

Her phone remains forgotten and blank on the dinner table, and Nova eyes it suspiciously as she makes her way towards the front door.  For a moment she considers taking it with her but ultimately she decides against it.  Should Harry change his mind, he deserves to have a hard time getting ahold of her.

She gives the apartment a once over, making sure she hasn’t left anything plugged in or any lights turned on.  When she’s certain that everything is in its place, she grabs her keys and opens the door.    She hardly looks up as she exits, nearly bumping into the wall of a person in front of her.

She looks up, ready to give this person a piece of her mind for being so bloody close to her front door, when she stops dead in her tracks.

There’s Harry, now wearing a black hoodie over the jumper he’d adorned earlier.  His hair is a mess, as if he’d just gotten out of the shower, and he raises his eyebrows almost challengingly before Nova can even get a word out.  

“Harry,” Nova breathes, her mouth hanging open in shock. “What… I--”

“Don’t look so surprised, Novocaine.”

Nova shakes her head. “I didn’t think you were going to come.”

“Yeah.  Well.”  Harry smirks.  “You always have been good at getting your way.”

Immediately Nova nearly collapses into his arms. It’s like a scene right out of a Rom-Com, and probably entirely too dramatic given the circumstances, but Nova doesn’t care.  She wraps her arms around his middle and presses her face into his chest as close as she can get it.  Harry’s arms grab at her, as if relieved, and he gently guides them backwards into her apartment.  

It’s an awkward stumble and Harry accidentally steps on Nova’s toes once or twice but soon they’re standing in her living room.  With one hand still around her, Harry reaches behind him to close her front door.

Then they waste no time.  They continue to stumble around, arms wrapping around one another, lips kissing everywhere they can possibly reach.  Their teeth even clink together a few times just from how sloppy and haphazard their kisses are.  They speak between kisses, breaking up their sentences in awkward places.

“I’m sorry,” Nova breathes.  “I’m so so sorry.”

Harry kisses all over her face. “I’m so… sorry.  You have nothing…. To be… sorry for.”

“I do.  I really… do.”

“But you don’t.”  Harry reaches up to cup Nova’s face in his hands.  He holds her gaze, and the misty look of her eyes melts his heart.  “You absolutely don’t Nova, do you hear me? I’m the asshole.  I’m an overly dramatic prick.”

She frantically grabs at his face and pulls him down to fasten their lips together once more.  “You’re not--” kiss “--an asshole.”  She kisses the corner of his lips.  “I am.”

“You’re not.”  Harry’s hands find their way under Nova’s bum and she jumps a little, wrapping her legs around his waist.  “Please don’t say that.”  He kisses her cheeks rapidly, moving back and forth.  “You’re not, you’re not, you’re not.”

It’s so desperate and messy and a little bit awkward as Harry stumbles through Nova’s apartment into what he assumes is her bedroom.  All the while they’re continuing to breathe out apologies and half coherent explanations.

“I wasn’t thinking.  I should have--”

“I shouldn’t have expected you to--”

“We both could have--”

“How could you have known?”

“I wish I hadn’t--”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I know, I’m sorry, too.”

When they finally get into Nova’s room, Harry drops her a bit ungracefully onto the bed.  He wastes no time in plopping down next to her and continuing to kiss her.  They’re both smiling into the kiss, maneuvering their way around the bed so that they’re comfortable and have the easiest access to each other’s lips.

“Harry I--”

He cuts her off with another kiss.  “Please.  Please don’t apologize, baby, there’s nothing for you to apologize for.”

“When I danced with him, I--”

“I know, sweet girl.”

“We talked about you the entire time.”

“Don’t need to explain yourself to me.”  But then, Harry does pull away from the kiss, and his familiar smirk teases at the corner of his lips as her words register in his mind.  “The entire time, huh?”

Nova giggles.  “Yes.  We really did.  I couldn’t shut up about how hot you are.”

Harry chuckles and pretends to flip long hair over his shoulder.  “Well, who can blame you.  I mean with my killer looks and my horrible attitude when you aren’t devoting your full attention to me?  Come on now.”

Nova’s giggles turn into a full blown laugh and she lightly pushes Harry.  “Harry, oh my god.  Don’t.  Don’t do that.”

Harry’s beaming now, clearly happy to have her smiling again.  “Do what?”

“Apologize.  Talk bad about yourself.  You did nothing wrong.”

“I did though.”  His face gets a bit more serious, despite his smile never leaving.  “I shouldn’t have assumed--”

“Harry.”  Nova reaches up to stroke at his face, and Harry takes her wrist in his hand.  He slowly turns his head to kiss her palm.

“I shouldn’t have planned it that way,”  he continues.  “I should have told you so long ago about how I felt.  Instead of making an idiot of myself.”

Nova’s eyes get misty once again.  “You didn’t make an idiot of yourself.”

“Well I didn’t exactly act like a winner that night, did I?”  Harry chuckles, kissing Nova’s knuckles before dropping their hands to rest in his lap.  “I should have never assumed anything.  I should have never acted… like that… when my plan didn’t go smoothly.  How could you have known?  You couldn’t have.   I blew it, and you don’t deserve that, Nova. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” Nova says, for what must be the 80th time in the last five minutes.  “I should have been paying attention.  I should have thought about how it must have looked.  I--”

Harry shakes his head.  “Stop it.”

“Listen, if you get to apologize then so do I.” Harry laughs, which only causes Nova to furrow her eyebrows.  “I’m serious!”

“Alright, alright!  Go for it.”

Nova clears her throat for dramatic effect, before continuing.  “You’re right, I couldn’t have known.  But I still could have-- should have paid much, much better attention than I did.  Jason meant nothing to me.  He was into Clare, actually.  He wanted me to hook him up with her after the show.”

Harry snorts.  “No shit.  Clare?”

“Yup, and he was super annoying about it the whole time, too!”

“Should’ve figured that, I guess.  The man was practically drooling over her at our gig a few weeks ago.  Makes sense.”

Nova giggles, giving Harry’s hand a squeeze.  “I could’ve been a little more clear.   I didn’t need to dance with him.  I didn’t think about how it would look.  So.  I am sorry.”

Harry eyes Nova for a few minutes, a cheeky little smirk spreading across his face.  “What was that?”

“I… didn’t need to dance with him?”

“No, no.  After that.”

“I’m… sorry?”

Nova almost doesn’t have time to get the words out before Harry’s kissing her, hard and sloppy and quick.  She giggles in surprise, and when Harry pulls away he’s beaming.  “One more time?  Didn’t quite catch that.”

“I’m--”

Harry does it again, even quicker this time before Nova can even get her apology out at all.  She’s melting into him, giggling into his mouth.

“Once more?  Still didn’t really get it.”

“I’m--”

And once again, they kiss.

Their game goes on for a few more moments, their giggles and mumbled words filling the room,  until finally, Harry doesn’t pull away.  Instead his hand snakes behind her neck, his thumb resting on her cheek.  They’re both smiling wide,  and Nova relaxes a bit until she’s laying back against the pillows of her bed.  Harry, of course, follows suit,  laying down beside her and propping his knee between her legs.

They stay like that for a bit longer, kissing and smiling, with Harry’s hands trailing lazily from her hair to her neck and up and down her arms.   When he pulls away, it’s only slightly, his face still only a few inches away from hers.  “Missed you so fucking much.”

Nova beams, leaning in to kiss just under his neck.  “Missed you.”

He reaches up to run his knuckle along her cheek, the spot just before her ear, and she leans affectionately into his touch.  “Have I ever told you how pretty you are?” He says slowly, eyeing her as if she’s the most interesting thing in the world.

His fingertips are feather soft, and Nova giggles as she rolls over onto her tummy.  “You may have.”  She turns her head to kiss the tip of Harry’s thumb before taking it softly between her teeth.  “But say it again.”

“You’re beautiful.”  He makes no effort to free his thumb from her teeth, and his eyes light up a bit when her lips enclose around it.  Her tongue grazes lightly against the tip, and he lets out a breath.  “God, baby.”

Nova pulls off of his thumb with a soft pop noise, leaving it to rest softly against the pillow of her bottom lip when she grins at him.  “I like it when you call me that.”

“Baby?”

She grins like a little girl, pressing a few quick pecks to his finger.  “Yeah.  Say it again.”

Harry props himself on his elbow with a smile, leaning in so he’s closer to her.  “Baby.”

“Again.”

He draws out the word slowly as he leans closer, then presses his lips to her neck. “Baby,” he repeats, punctuating the word with another kiss.  

She giggles, her shoulder rising as his breath tickles a spot just below her ear.  “This is probably so cheesy to say.”  Harry purposely bites the spot that made her giggle, and she full on flinches away from him with a squeal and a laugh.  “Harry don’t, I’m trying to be romantic!”

“This is romantic,” he says, pulling her closer by her hip and pressing another kiss to the spot.    “Go on.”

“I was just going to say that I think that’s my favorite nickname you’ve ever called me.”

“Oh yeah?”  Harry pulls back just a bit so he can look at her.  “Better than Novocaine?”

“M-hm.”

“Better than SuperNova?”  Harry sounds shocked and it makes Nova snort.

“I think you’ve only called me that once.”

“Do you want me to call you that again?”

“Mmm,” Nova pretends to think long and hard, pressing a finger to her chin.  “I don’t know.  It’s kinda sexy.”

“Right,” Harry says, nodding.  “Noted.  What else do you like to be called?”

“Anything that comes out of your mouth.”

Harry smiles, scanning his face before leaning in for another kiss.  “Now that was a cheesy thing to say.”

Nova laughs, shrugging up her shoulders and reaching up to tangle her fingers in his hair.  “I can’t help it!  Maybe it’s your accent.”

Harry raises his eyebrows.  “Oh is that all?”

“Yeah.  It has nothing to do with the guy saying the nickname.” Nova is beaming as she gently tugs on his neck, bringing him with her as she relaxes once again against the pillows.

Harry’s voice is low and syrupy when he speaks, lips still grazing against hers.  “Alright, that’s also noted.”  He kisses at her cheek.  “Baby.”

Nova sighs as his lips continue their journey along her cheeks, her nose, her forehead-- uttering nicknames all the while.

“Princess.” “A bit cheesy, but I can’t say I hate it.”

“Sweetheart.”

Nova hums out a sigh, basking in the love he’s giving her and closing her eyes.  His petal soft kisses raise goosebumps along her skin. “What else?”

“Angel.”  He bumps her nose with his own, kissing gently at her lips.  His hands find their way to her hips, rubbing lightly at the skin there.

Nova arches her back, and props one arm behind her head as Harry’s tongue licks softly along the underside of her jaw. “Petal.”

His fingers curl ever so gently so that his fingernails scratch lightly along the waistband of her pants, dipping into them when he reaches just below her bellybutton. “Baby.”  He can feel her chest rising and falling as his fingers tease at her panties, but she isn’t fully paying attention to what he’s saying.   “Beautiful girl.”  He bumps her nose with his own again, this time to notify her to open her eyes.

Her lashes flutter open sleepily, and she reaches up to scratch at the spot just behind his ear with a smile.  “Baby.”  She says it as if she’s getting used to the feeling of the word in her mouth.  Harry feels a bit of a twinge of his cock when sees her like this.  Just from kissing her, he’s already got her dazed and in the softest headspace.  He wants to cry, she’s so precious.

He only smiles, inching his way up the bed a bit without removing his hand from her pants. “Hey.”  He teases lightly at the bow that he feels on the front of her panties as he dips his head down to kiss her collarbone.  “This alright?”

“Mm,” Nova says with a nod, tilting her head a bit and watching him as if she’s hanging on his every move.  “It is.”

“Yeah?”  Harry presses another kiss just above her collarbone, and then one to her inner arm, which is currently propped up by her head.  “You sure?”

He rubs light circles against her lower belly now, and Nova has never felt more sure of anything.  He leaves no spot untouched, not a trace of skin that doesn’t feel loved by him.  Her skin still feels traces of his lips from where he’s kissed, and god she wants his mouth even lower.  She nods her head.  “Of course.”

Harry smiles, wasting no time.  He allows his fingers to dip further and further into her panties until he’s skin to skin with where she’s already wet.  This, of course, gives him an idea.  And Harry is nothing if he isn’t a little shit.

“Sure you’re not worn out from the orgasms you just had not ten minutes ago?”

Nova’s eyes open again, and her smile fades.  “How did you… did you hear?”

“Don’t go all shy on me now, baby. S’not like I’ve never heard before.”

“But you…”  Nova props up on her elbows a bit, embarrassed but amused.  “I didn’t do that for you to hear.  I thought you’d be at band practice by now.”

“Like I said,” Harry says with a teasing grin, curling his fingers unexpectedly against Nova’s clit and making he gasp.  “You have a way of getting what you want.”  

He’s rubbing circles against her core now, and she relaxes once again against the pillows.  She lets out a moan, obviously still sensitive, and Harry’s fingers switch to a teasingly slow pace. He never once ceases the movement as he speaks, looking down at her with the hint of a smirk ever present.  “For the record,” he says, paying extra close attention to the way her body reacts to his touches.  “That’s not the reason I came over.”  He leans down to kiss her ear, brushing his lips along the outside.  “I came because I missed you.  Because I wanted to talk to you.  Because I have never felt so strongly about anyone in my life.”  He bites lightly at her earlobe and she shivers.  “Because I was an asshole.  And I needed to fix what I’d fucked up  Something that wasn’t your fault.”

Nova is wiggling against his fingers, her own fingers curling into the sheets beside her and her eyes fluttering closed.  But Harry knows she’s listening.  Her words are spoken between moans, and she keeps taking breaks to bite at her lip-- especially when Harry slips a finger inside of her.  “You’re not… you’re not an asshole… no--shit… no more apologizing.”

“I will be sorry till the day I die,” Harry says with a nonchalant chuckle, as if he isn’t absolutely destroying her with just one hand.  “You did nothing wrong. As soon as I left that room today I felt like a fucking idiot.  I just didn’t know how to tell you.”  He noses lightly at her temple, practically melting at her scent, and presses another finger into her.  

“Harry,” it’s a plea, barely above a whisper.  Both of her hands find their way to his bicep and she squeezes, trying to anchor herself from the overstimulation.

“You want me to stop, baby?”  His fingers slow almost completely, and he kisses the top of her head.  “Hm?”

“No, no, it’s not that.”  She swallows thickly.  “I want you to keep going.”  She looks at him with fire in her eyes.  “I don’t ever want you to stop.  You’re so good.”

“Oh.”  Harry picks up the pace with his fingers only slightly, grinning down at her, hanging on her every moan, every whimper. Nova lets out a frustrated whimper, reaching down to grasp at the wrist that’s attached to the hand tucked into her panties.  “Please,” she says,  “Go faster.”

“You know,” Harry says conversationally, completely unfazed by the way her nails dig into his skin,  “Now that I think about it, you haven’t been so good yourself.”  He slows his movements once again until altogether coming to a stop and pulling his fingers out from inside of her.  She full on pouts at the loss of movement and it makes him laugh.  

“What?!” she says, exasperated.  “Just tell me what I did  so I can apologize for it.”

Harry takes his sweet time pulling his fingers out from her pants, lifting them to his lips and sucking-- just as he did the night on the park bench.  Nova watches him helplessly, pleading with her eyes for him to touch her again.  His cheeks hollow as he sucks on his own fingers, and Nova knows he’s putting on a show for her when he looks up at her from under his lashes.  She can tell that his tongue is swirling delicately around the digits and he smirks when he removes them with a pop.  “God, you taste good.”

“Harry please, for the love of god, just tell me so I can apologize.”

“That desperate for my fingers, huh?”  Harry wiggles his eyebrows and Nova scowls.

“Fucking hell, Harry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, Nova.  You don’t owe me anything.  But that doesn’t mean you’ve been a good girl.”

Nova genuinely wracks her brain, trying to come up with an answer.  “Is this because I fucking sent you 300 texts today?”

Harry snorts, but he doesn’t break.  “Come on, baby, you know me better than that.”  Nova stares at him, pleading for him to just tell her.  His tone remains calm and conversational, and he can practically smell her dripping between her thighs just as his words drip out of his mouth.  “No?  You really don’t know?  Alright, I’ll give you a hint.”

He leans in closer, lowering his voice.  “Do you really think that it was nice of you to use that toy without me?”

Nova shrinks a bit into the pillows, chewing at her bottom lip while a mischievous smile begins to tug at her cheeks.  Now she knows exactly what she’s done. “I mean--”

“Do you think that that’s what good girls do?  Using that thing to make yourself feel good when I’m not there to see or touch you?”

“But I didn’t know you were there.”  Nova’s voice is dripping with innocence, but her eyes are anything but-- which sets Harry off even more.

“And you’re saying if you had known, you wouldn’t have done it?”

“Well I didn’t exactly think you wanted to see me.”

Nova’s words tug at Harry’s heart just a bit, and he breaks the act for just a moment.  “You didn’t read my messages?”

Nova frowns.  “What messages?”

And then it makes sense to Harry.  He’d texted her around 2:30, telling her he was sorry, that he missed her and he wanted to talk to her.  When he hadn’t gotten any response, he’d followed up, saying something along the lines of “I’m sorry I’ve been shit at communicating.  I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”  And a third text, “Are you still going to the coffee shop?”

Nova and Harry seem to understand the situation at the same time, because she suddenly gasps.  “Ohhh.  Oh my god.  I turned off my phone.”

“Why on earth would you do that?”

“Because I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me anymore after my 900 texts!”

Harry raises his eyebrows, clearly amused, and clicks his tongue.  “Nova, Nova, Nova.”

“I’m sorry!” She says, giggly and excited at the prospect of Harry punishing her.

Truthfully, they both simply chalk it up to a silly misunderstanding. But right now, they’re both in this headspace, this scenario where she’s been bad and he gets to tell her so; and they love it.

“Do you think that’s something a good girl would do?”  His voice is thick and low, and if Harry’s not mistaken he thinks he sees goosebumps rising along her arm.

“Yes,” Nova says, dragging out the ‘S’ with a girlish grin.

“You do? Oh. I see.”

Nova’s bottom lip tucks itself between her teeth before she changes her mind and puckers up for a kiss.  Harry laughs, poking at her cupid’s bow.  “Ohh,” he coos.  “You’re adorable.”

“I’m sorry?”  She isn’t really, and the smile on her face makes that very apparent.

Harry looks down at her, his demeanor both condescending and empowering.  “You’re not,” he says.  He leans down and presses the gentlest kiss to her lips, pulling away only briefly with a smile.  “But you will be.”

They continue to kiss for a while, and Harry can feel a pulsing in between his legs.  They grab for one another, tugging at hair, tugging at clothes.  They engage in a sort of wrestling match just to see how close they can possibly get to one another with their clothes still on, knocking a few of her throw pillows onto the ground in the process. When they find themselves beginning to undress one another, Harry has to remind himself of the game they’re playing lest he get too carried away with her.

“Where’s the toy?”

Nova blinks at him, taking a moment to register the words coming out of his mouth.  Her hands, which were working on getting his pants unbuttoned, freeze mid-action.  She speaks almost breathlessly.  “The-- what?”

“The vibrator, Nova.  Where is it?”

Instantly, Nova’s cheeks grow hot.  Her fingers gently pull away from his trousers and rest, nervously clasped, on her lap.  “Oh.  Under the bed.”  She cracks her knuckles, leaning forward a bit.

“And you’re going to be a good girl and get it for me, aren’t you?”  Harry’s smirk is teasing, and Nova doesn’t even know how to respond.  It suddenly feels as though her brain is running a million miles behind Harry’s, and he nods his head to try and get her attention back before repeating his question.  “Aren’t you, Nova?”

“What? Oh, yes. Shit, yes.”

Nova scrambles out from underneath him and sinks down to her knees beside her bed.  She sticks her arm out, reaching around until she feels the all too familiar object.  Harry’s eyes never leave her, and his hand reaches up to toy with his bottom lip. It’s exciting and embarrassing in the sexiest way, and Nova almost feels silly when she stands back up and presents the toy to him.

It takes everything in Harry not to bust at the seams and tackle her to the bed while he smothers her in kisses right then and there. She’s so bloody adorable, what with her shy smile and the girlish little giggle that escapes her throat when she holds it out to him.  Harry almost breaks his dominant demeanor-- almost-- but he resists the temptation because he knows she’s loving this and he’s got a job to do.

“Ohhh,” he coos, taking it from her hands.  It’s heavier than he’d anticipated, and a lot bigger than he’d imagined it being.  He’s itching to get it on her, but he remains patient.   He smirks.  “So you can follow directions.  What a good girl.”

Nova lets out an almost inaudible giggle, and it makes Harry beam.  “This is a pretty toy, isn’t it, Nova?  Can’t imagine what it’s going to look like between your legs.”

“I’ve imagined you using it on me so many times.”  Nova’s voice is small as she crawls back up onto the bed beside him.

Harry hums through his nose.   “Mm.  I know you have, darling. You think I don’t remember you screaming my name through these walls?”  Nova looks down, taking her bottom lip between her teeth.  Harry can practically feel the heat radiating from her cheeks.  “You’re a loud little thing aren’t you?”

“Not all the time.”

“Oh no?  Only when you want me to hear then?”  When Nova doesn’t even raise her eyes, much less answer, Harry takes this as his confirmation.  He nods.  “I see.  So you think it’s okay to tease me, don’t you?”

“Yes.”  

Harry’s almost surprised when she answers him. Pleased, but surprised.  “And why is that?”

“Because.”  Nova seems to be coming back to earth, her daze wearing off slowly but surely.  Now she’s smiling a bit, just as confident as ever and ready to put up a bit of a fight.  Just the way Harry likes it.

“Because why?”

“Because you’re easy to rile up.”

Harry raises his eyebrows and cocks his head, a bit surprised at her answer but not giving up his attitude any time soon.  “Am I?  Is that all?”

Nova looks like she’s about to bust, and Harry reaches up to softly coax her bottom lip out from between her teeth because, truth be told, if she bites it any harder, he’s afraid it’ll bleed.  “Nova, is that the only reason?”

“What other reason would I have for teasing you?”

Harry sits up a bit, scooting closer so that his face is mere inches away from hers.  He lowers his voice.  “You know, you may be right.  It may just be that you’re a brat.  A tease. Nothing more.  But do you know what I think?”

“What do you think?”

“I think you want me to be mean to you.”

Nova blinks dumbly, and Harry quickly continues.  “Not mean.  Maybe ‘mean’ was the wrong word.  But you, Nova, are so used to getting your way.  And you’re tired of it.  You love a challenge.  You love pushing the boundaries.  And no one has ever been able to keep up with you.  No one ever tells you no.”

“I mean… I mean, I would never--”

“A woman of many words, I see.” Harry smirks, softening up just the tiniest bit and reaching up to stroke at her cheek.    “Don’t worry, baby.  Not gonna hurt you.  It’s still me.”  He leans in to press the most tender kiss to her lips and lingers there for just a moment before speaking again.  “I am, however, about to wreck the absolute shit out of you.”

Nova giggles again, and the only thing she can manage to do is grab at Harry’s face and kiss him again.  Harry smiles, the hand that’s not holding the toy finding its way to the small of her back to pull her into him.  “I mean,” Harry continues.  “You do deserve it, after all.  And I think you’ll like it.”

She practically squeals, and Harry loves it.  He loves seeing this side of her that he’s only ever caught glimpses of.  She’s submissive and compliant, which is quite different from her otherwise somewhat loud personality outside of the bedroom.  Harry figures its because control seems to be her thing, and this is a place where she can fully let go and not have to worry about it for once.  A place where someone else can take over, and she gets to reap the benefits-- which he’s more than happy to sow.   He knows he could stay here like this for hours, just kissing her and nothing more.  But the cold and heavy object in his hand mixed with the stirring in his jeans reminds him that he really does have a job to do.

So Harry clears his throat, flipping the switch and causing the toy to whir to life.  He grins at her.  “Right.   On your back.”

Nova immediately scrambles to do what she’s told, giddy and a bit overly enthusiastic. She lays back against the pillows and reaches up for Harry, taking the back of his neck in her hands and pulling him down to kiss her.  He laughs at the force behind her pull, breaking character once again.  “Nova,” he says, “baby, take your pants off for me, please.”

Nova puts all of her weight onto her upper back as she lifts her hips up to shimmy out of her pants.  Harry helps her (because he’s still a gentleman for God’s sake) by pulling the bottoms off down her feet.  Her panties are nothing that she’d consider exciting, just a striped cotton pair with lace along the hem that Harry finds incredibly endearing. She reaches to get them off, but Harry touches her hand, stopping her.

“Not yet, love.”

“What…?” Nova tilts her head, confused, but Harry gives her no time for much else.  He presses the vibrator between her legs and smirks at her instant reaction.

“You didn’t think I was going to let you get off that easily, did you?”  He’s watching her with a mix of admiration and smug confidence; a look that says “you shouldn’t have misbehaved, and you have no idea what you’ve got coming to you, but you brought this on yourself.”

“Now then,” he continues, pulling the vibrator away far too quickly for Nova’s liking.  “Give me your hands.”

Nova is almost too quick to obey, offering her hands out to Harry with eager eyes.  “Are you gonna tie me up?”

“No.”  Harry takes both of her wrists in one of his hands and raises her arms till they reach her headboard, which conveniently consists of a few horizontal bars. “You’re going to be a good girl and keep them here so that I don’t have to.”

Nova swallows hard, opening up her hands cautiously and wrapping them around a bar towards the middle.  Harry grins, leaning down to kiss at her nose.  “What a good girl you are,” he coos, before turning the toy back on to its lowest setting with a flick of his thumb.  “Hold them there.”

Harry lowers the toy between her legs once again, keeping his free hand steady on one of her thighs.  He gently pries her legs open a bit more so as to gain better access, and he begins wiggling the vibe ever so gently, up and down, against the crotch of her panties.

Nova’s toes curl instantly while her back arches a bit. Harry grins, applying a bit more pressure.  “S’that feel good, Nova?”

She only replies with a soft hum, and Harry notices her struggling to keep her arms up. His eyes flick up to see her gripping the bar with white knuckles and he smirks.  “Keep them there, love,” he warns.

“I’m… I’m trying,” Nova pants, wiggling a bit.  It’s a bit hard for her to move, considering that Harry has got her pretty well pinned by her thighs.  Her eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, but the hint of her pretty smile neve once leaves her lips.  “It’s hard.  I wanna… wanna touch you!”

Harry lifts his hand off of her thigh for a split second to brush her hair off of her forehead.  “You will soon, darling. Don’t worry.”  He uses his thumb to flick the vibrator up to a higher setting, quickly bringing his free hand down to steady her when she jolts a bit.  He chuckles, regaining his grip on her thigh and using his thumb to stroke the delicate skin on the inside.  “Sensitive thing, aren’t you?”

“Harry-- ohhh.”  Nova bites her lip in concentration, trying her hardest to focus on holding on to the headboard. She is, of course, a good girl.

Harry gradually applies pressure to her panties once more, approaching from a somewhat new angle, and without warning Nova jolts again-- this time tugging on the headboard and hitting her head with a loud bang.

“OW, FUCK.”

Harry removes the vibrator and drops it onto the mattress.  He can’t help the snort that immediately passes through his lips, although he tries to hide the smile that follows.  Nova lets go of the headboard with one hand, then both, and rubs at the spot on her head that has just collided with the headboard. She glances at Harry with confused eyes, and neither of them know whether or not to laugh.  

“Owww,” she repeats after a beat, and then they’re both laughing; breaking character once again.

Harry reaches up to rub at the spot on Nova’s head as well, speaking through giggles.  “Fuck, you okay?  Hit that pretty hard, didn’t you?”

Nova is in a full on giggle fit now.  “My god, OW. I’m gonna have a concussion now.  Fucks sake.”

“Pretty sure that echoed through the entire building.  They’re going to think it was an earthquake.”

“The San Andreas Fault has finally cracked. We are all currently floating off into the sea.  The great blue abyss.  Goodbye world.”

And then it’s just them again.  Harry Styles and Nova Leary, two students who met at a coffee shop like something out of a fanfiction.  Two people who had no idea it was ever possible to feel this much, this quickly.  It scares them-- or at least, it scares him-- but ready or not, here they are.  It’s an unfamiliar certainty that Harry is beginning to adore the feeling of. Harry laughs again, scratching lightly at the place on Nova’s head that he’s almost certain is going to have a bump.  They continue to joke around, and it feels so good.  So natural to be with her in this way.  One minute he’s dominating, authoritative over her while she wiggles beneath him, and the next they’re laughing like best friends, as if she wasn’t just on the brink of orgasm.  Both situations are equally sexy in Harry’s eyes; both go hand in hand with one another and make everything between them that much better.

“How could I have been such an idiot?” Harry’s question is quiet, mostly to himself, but it quiets Nova’s giggles down.  

“What?”

He leans in for a kiss, trailing his hand up her thigh once again.  “You’re so perfect.  Can’t stand it.”

Nova smiles softly into the kiss, one hand reaching up to cup the side of his face.  With her free hand, she reaches down, feeling around until she finds the toy, unattended and still buzzing beside her.

Harry seems to have had the same thought, because when he reaches for the toy he is greeted by her hand.  Their eyes open at the same time, and he smiles-- slipping right back into his dominating style as if he’d never left it.  “I’m not done with this yet, baby.”

Nova relaxes back against the pillows, letting go and giving Harry full authority once again.  Harry gets a good grip on the toy, flicking it up to its highest setting and lifting it back between her legs.  He uses his free hand to reach for one of her own, but instead of bringing it back up to the headboard, he brings it to his own lips.  He presses the softest kiss to her knuckles, mirroring the softness of the vibrator against her core, and he delights in the melodic little hum that drips from her lips almost instantly.  

It’s comfortable then, their fingers interlaced and resting on her tummy while the vibrator massages through her panties.  She wants to take them off-- he knows she does, but he still wants to tease her a bit more.

Harry watches her, fascinated by every face and every noise she makes, and he takes extra special note of all the times she hisses or squeezes at his hand.  

“Harry,” she says, her voice rising in pitch. “Harry… fuck, I’m gonna… I’m about to--”

It’s coming without warning, so to speak, and he only presses a bit harder.  He wants to tease her more, and he’s going to for sure, but he’s so focused on her every move that he’s almost in a trance.  

And then she’s cumming, her whines crescendoing into an all out symphony in his ears.  Her fingers squeeze heavily at his own, while her free hand bunches up the sheets of her duvet.  Her legs kick out as best as they can, what with him practically resting on top of them.  He’s patient as she cums, only letting up on the pressure the slightest bit, and when she seems to be finished he pulls it away.

The silence that follows is thick, especially when Harry flicks the vibrator off.  He lets go of her sweaty hand hand and reaches up to run his own hand through his hair.  She’s blinking dreamily, her chest rising and falling with each labored breath.  Harry watches her expectantly through it all, showing little to no reactions-- even though he wants nothing more than to get his mouth on her and make her cum again.

Nova props herself up on her elbows, still trying to catch her breath.  “Harry,” she breathes.

He only faintly smiles at her, raising his eyebrows slightly and looking like the cockiest little shit.  “Did I say you could do that?”

Her own eyebrows crinkle in confusion.  “Did you... what?”

“Were you supposed to cum yet?”  His voice remains cool and calm, and Nova licks her lips.

“Was I… not supposed to?”

Harry shrugs, his gaze unblinking and challenging. “You tell me.”

“You said…” Nova trails off, scanning his face for anything other than what he’s giving her.  “I thought I was allowed to.”

Harry hums, fingers once again toying with the lace along the hem of her panties.  “Well,” he sighs after a moment,  “I suppose I do owe you one free one. You’ve been good, and I was a prat.”  He tucks his fingers into the side of her panties by her inner thigh, pulling them to the side and ducking his head down to get a better look.  God, she’s fucking soaked.  “Cumming in your panties, though…”  He shakes his head.  “Messy, messy girl.”

“So now what?” Nova asks, her tone impatient.  

“Well,” Harry says, adjusting himself a bit so that he’s sitting up beside her.  “That’s really up to you, darling.”  He nudges her foot with his own, and she seems to become painfully aware of her naked and exposed lower half, because she crosses her legs at the ankle.

Harry smiles, reaching over and patting her leg reassuringly.  “Do you want me to fuck you now?”

“Please,” she whispers.

“Or,” he says, dragging out the word, nudging her foot with his own again.  “Do you want me to eat you out?”

He speaks so bluntly that Nova’s ears grow ever hotter.  She swallows, admiring his unmatched and unwavering confidence that has her falling apart at the seams.  

Her voice seems soft and dreamlike when she speaks; it doesn’t even feel like she’s talking.  “You know what I really want?”

“Tell me, baby.”  His nails trail lightly up her thigh, an action he’s learned that makes her melt.

“I want to taste you.”  She’s so quiet, Harry isn’t even sure he’s heard her correctly. He halts his movements with his fingers.  

“Say that again?”

“I want your cock in my mouth.”  Its bold, but she tries to keep her face neutral-- something that Harry finds both adorable and sexy.  He’s not sure Nova’s ever said anything to filthy before in her life, and he loves that.  

His cock also loves how bold she’s being.

So Harry nods. “You may have it.  If it’s what you really want.”

Her excitement is unbearably adorable as she hops up and positions herself down at his hips without even answering him.  He wastes no time in pulling his pants off, and the outline of him is deliciously prominent though his boxer briefs.  Nova licks at her lips, reaching for it slowly.  She touches it gently, so gently that Harry feels he could cry.  

“Do not tease me,” he warns.  “Be good.”

Nova grins innocently, stroking him a bit through the thin fabric before reaching up to tug at the waistband.  It’s a bit awkward lowering the tight underpants down his legs, but his cock is so thankful to be free once they’re off.  Nova hums, eyeing it as if it’s the sexiest thing she’s ever seen.

“God.”   Nova wraps her fingers around the base, just above his balls, and gives a gentle tug upwards.  Harry’s toes curl inside of his socks (which he feels a bit self conscious about leaving on now that he thinks about it) and he reaches out, rubbing softly at her chin with the knuckle of his pointer finger.

“Baby,” he says.  He has nothing else to add, but somehow she knows exactly what he means.

“God look at it,” she says, hardly taking her eyes off of him.  He’s huge, much larger than she’d anticipated, and she almost wants to forego the blowjob entirely just to get him inside of her.  But he’s been so, so good to her, and truth be told, she wants to make him feel good as well.

“It’s yours,” he says.  

“Can I put it in my mouth now?”  She looks almost uncertain asking him this, and he smiles.

“It’s yours,” he repeats.

Nova ducks her head, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of him before parting her velvet soft lips and opening her mouth.  She envelopes him in her mouth, working slow--painstakingly slow-- as she lowers herself.  It already feels like heaven, and when Harry feels her tongue brush softly against the vein on the underside of his shaft, he hisses.  “Fuck baby.”

Make no mistake, he is still the dominant one here.  But he is at her mercy, and she’s been good.  His cock is her reward, and she licks at it like it’s a lollipop she’s been waiting for all day.  She gags when the tip of him hits the back of her throat, and it’s all too much for Harry to handle.

Nova looks up at him from under her lashes then, salivating just enough that the corners of her mouth are beginning to glisten.  And it’s so fucking sinful that Harry can’t stop the groan he feels forming at the base of his throat.

She pulls off just enough so that the only thing in her mouth is the head, and she swirls her tongue torturously slow around it.  The noises she’s making are wet and loud, and Harry can’t bear it.  He reaches forward, pausing briefly to scratch gently behind her ear before taking a bit of hair on the back of her head and pushing her down a bit more.

What  she doesn’t fit in her mouth, she works with her hands.  She gives him long teasing strokes, while the other hand gently fondles at his balls and fuck-- he’s in heaven.  She pulls off of him entirely with a slow, teasing smile before pressing a wet kiss to the underside of the head.  The shaft.  The base.  And then-- as if he wasn’t already seeing stars-- his balls.

Nova’s lips part briefly and she sucks lightly at one of them-- taking it partly into her mouth.  “Oh fuck,” he says,  “Holy fuck.”  He sounds almost pitiful, the way he’s cursing and all but whimpering.   She. however, is thoroughly enjoying every second of this, and he can feel her smirking against him.

She pops off of his ball with an audible suction noise, presses a wet little kiss to the other one, and then she’s right back at it, taking him as far into her mouth as she possibly can.  He’s almost painfully hard at this point, and if she continues the way she is now, he knows he doesn’t have much longer.  

His groans are low and deep, and he hisses when she uses her free hand to dig her nails into his thigh to keep him still.  The pinch of her nails mixed with her lips around him sends a shiver up his spine, something that does not go unnoticed by her.  She lifts off of him gently, a string of spit connecting her bottom lip to the head of his cock.  She licks her lips and grins confidently.  “Liked that, did you?”

“Always have had a thing for pain,” Harry admits, matter-of-factly.  He’s never admitted that to anyone, not even past lovers, but somehow he feels more than comfortable sharing that with her.

Nova wiggles her eyebrows.  “Noted.”  Before Harry can get another word out, she’s back on him, sucking as if her life depended on it. It takes him by surprise, and the long, loud, half-grunt half-whine he emits is pathetic.

It goes on like this for a while, Nova’s hands massaging his base and then his thighs while her mouth works its way around the rest of his length.  Harry’s whines and pants becoming more and more desperate and woeful by the minute.  And then, when he gets the all-too familiar bubbling in the pit of his stomach, he knows he’s close.

“Nova.”

She doesn’t hear him as she flattens her tongue and licks straight up the side.  Harry jumps as she approaches the tip. Oh fuck.

“Nova.  Baby.  Hey.”

She doesn’t take her lips off of him, but she does look up at him through half-lidded eyes curtained by her hair, and he shudders.  “C’mere.”

He reaches under her chin to guide her head up a bit, and pauses to catch his breath before speaking.  His accent is even thicker now, and his annunciation has gone to shit.  “Baby, m’close.  If we don’t stop--”

“I want you to cum.”

“In your mouth?”

“In me.”

Harry doesn’t realize he’s staring at her slack-jawed until she giggles and reaches forward to close his mouth with her hand.  “I mean like, use a condom but… I want you to fuck me, Harry.”

He leans forward without thinking, kissing her harshly.  He can taste himself, a sort of heady taste that he finds himself a bit fond of.  When he pulls away, they’re both beaming.  “M’gonna go get the condom then, alright?”

Nova pouts as Harry rises from the bed. “You’re gonna leave me?”

Harry scrambles around the room to find his discarded boxer briefs, and then his pants.  He snorts.  “Two seconds, Nova.  I live next door.”

Nova sighs.  “Fine, but hurry.”

Harry rolls his eyes, but he can’t wipe the smile from his face as he disappears from her room.  He feels like he’s blacked out as he makes his way from her apartment to his, and he mumbles curses at himself under his breath when it takes him a little bit to find his condoms.

He’s back at her place as quickly as his feet can take him, and her room feels distinctly warmer than the rest of the building.

Especially because of the vision he sees before him.

She’s completely naked, save for the little gold N necklace that he’s surprised he’s never noticed before.  She’s so beautiful, laying there propped up on her elbows, legs together with one knee bent. When she sees him, she becomes visibly shy— averting her gaze and reaching up to stroke at her hair.

The truth is, it’s been years since Nova has been like this with another person.  She remembers the last time vividly, and although it isn’t particularly unpleasant by any means, it wasn’t spectacular.  Her partner hadn’t made her feel like this.

She hadn’t felt like this with them either.

Her toes curl and uncurl, and she only looks up at him when he starts moving towards her. “You’re an angel, baby.”

Her hand finds it way to her mouth and she takes her knuckle lightly between her teeth as Harry begins undressing.  He knows she’s watching, and that she’s nervous, so he gives her a bit of a show.

Nova giggles when Harry strips off his shirt— Magic Mike style— and tosses it aside.  He’s got quite a few more tattoos than she’d been aware of, including a large butterfly smack dab in the middle of his stomach.  He notices her staring at it as he wiggles his way out of his pants, and he smiles.  “Like it?”

“I do, yeah.  Did it hurt?”

“Closer to the ribs, yeah. But otherwise, no. Kinda tickled actually.”  This time Harry remembers to slip out of his socks, and now the only thing between them is the pair of boxer briefs he’s wearing.

Harry pads over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it and taking her hand.  He kisses her knuckles once, twice, three times, before trailing kisses up her arm.  He kisses her neck, her nose, and finally her lips, and he can feel the heat radiating off of her cheeks.  “You still want this, yeah?”

“More than anything.”  She nods confidently.

Harry smiles, leaning in and kissing her. “Alright.”

It’s all a blur from then on.  They continue kissing while Nova helps him get undressed fully.   She watches him unwrap the condom and helps him roll it down his length, kissing his smile the entire time.   They’re giggly and awkward, as if they’ve never done any of this before, but it feels good.  It’s comfortable.  It’s the way they should be.

Harry lies back comfortably on his back while Nova straddles his waist.  She grins at him, placing both hands on his shoulders and leaning down to kiss him one last time before sinking down fully onto his cock.

They both let out a moan as his hands find their way to her hips, guiding her down.  “Nova,” he murmurs, reaching up to play with her hair while she gets used to the full feeling inside of her.  “Fuck, you feel so good.”

Nova begins rolling her hips gently.  The inside of her is wet and warm, and every single move she makes ignites Harry’s insides.  She’s so wet he can feel it on her inner thighs when they rub against his, and her moans are quick and loud.  She reaches for Harry’s hand in her hair, followed by his other hand on her hip, and she interlaces their fingers, bringing both hands down to pin them up by his head.

She tilts her head, flipping her hair over her shoulder, and leans forward to sponge kisses along his neck.  Harry bucks his hips up into her when her tongue grazes the base of his throat. “Baby, holy fuck.”

Nova lets out a moan that surprises even her; it’s guttural and loud but it’s short, and she temporarily loses her momentum.  Harry assumes its because he’s found her spot; the one that he’s been dreaming about finding, and he’s about to ask her what he did so that he can do it again when she cuts him off.

“I can’t--” She’s nearly yelling now, picking up speed with her hips. “Fuck, I’m going to cum again.”

Harry wants nothing more than to touch her but her hands still have his pinned, and he reckons she doesn’t even realize how tightly she’s squeezing them.  He understands though, as he feels himself close to tipping over the edge.

Still, he is the dominant one here.  And he intends to keep it that way.

Using the strength of his arms, he tugs a bit, shifting their hands and causing her to fall a little further forward.  He lifts his head ever so slightly so that his lips are brushing her ear, and speaks just above a whisper.  “How many times have you imagined this, baby?  Hm?”

She whimpers, her fingers curling half into his and half into the sheets beneath them.  “God--FUCK-- so many times.”

“How many times did you imagine me like this?”  He allows his tongue to peek between his lips, alternating between kissing and licking up her neck.  He’s exhausted and just on the brink of orgasm, but he wants this to last and whatever he’s doing is clearly working.  So with every ounce of strength he has, he intensifies his thrusting.

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to fuck you, darlin,” he continues.  “No idea how many times I fantasized about how fucking filthy your mouth is while you’re cumming.  Next time--” he lowers his voice further, surprising even himself with how thick his accent has become,  “Next time I want to eat that pussy of yours.  Think you’d like that?”

He pauses his words, drinking in the sound of skin slapping skin and the feeling of her wetness against him.  He looks up at her with that cocky, challenging little smile once again.  “God baby, I knew I made you wet, but not this wet.  Look how messy you’ve got me.”

Nova glances down to the place where their bodies meet, and somehow ends up shifting a bit in the process.  Harry’s prick grazes against her g-spot once again and she shudders, halting her movements for a brief moment to let out a whine before regaining her composure and rolling her hips.  “More, Harry.  Please.”

His chest is covered in a sheen of sweat, and Nova is so physically close to him that he can feel her nipples brushing against it every now and then.  He grunts when she lowers herself particularly fast, and he knows he’s got little to no time left.  “My pretty girl likes it when I talk dirty to her?”

“Harry…. Fuck… I--”

“Christ,” he pants, squeezing at her hands.  She jolts forward a little, the ends of her hair brushing against his face.  “Look at you.  You’re better than any fucking fantasy I could have ever dreamed up you know that?  Look how desperate you are to cum.  What a good girl.”

He’s thrusting up into her faster than ever, and he can tell she’s getting exhausted.  So with a grunt, he uses all of his strength to sit up-- to the best of his abilities.  Nova catches on to what he’s trying to do and halts her movements, scooching back ever so slightly to allow him room.  He sits up against the headboard and she collapses into him almost instantly, burying her head in his neck and allowing him to take the lead for a bit.

His hands grab hold of her hips and he guides her.  He turns his head to press his lips to her ear.  He’s close, and he knows she is too, but in no way is he going to half-ass this.  “You’re doing so well, sweetheart.   That’s it.  Are you going to be good and cum on my cock?”

Nova gets the same surge of energy and motivation to finish strong that Harry does, because she’s taking his thrusts and rolling along with them with all of her might.  “Yes… yes!”

Harry’s low-bellied grunts escape his mouth faster and faster as he feels himself begin to tip over.  Nova is all but sobbing against him, practically babbling out his praises.  All he can focus on is how good his cock feels, how close he’s getting, and how now there’s a slight charlie-horse in the arch of his foot from how hard he’s been curling his toes.

And then he feels it.

The white hot silence that comes with the ringing in his ears. The pulsing of Nova’s walls as she unravels around his cock.  Her pleas and her praises fall on deaf ears, and all he can hear is the pounding of his own heart in his ears.  Even his own voice sounds distant and foggy as he lets out what can only be defined as a wail.  It feels so fucking good, tears prickle at his eyes.  He has never been this happy, never felt this close to anyone else before in his life. 

-.-.-.-.-.- “There are an infinite amount of outcomes to any given situation on the planet. Everything leads up to something else, ya know? Like, every decision you’ve literally ever made– ever– has lead you to being here right now on this bed at this party. Isn’t that insane?”

Harry smiles.  “This is going a bit over my head, Novocaine.”  

“But like, our decisions all lead to something.  So like, maybe we just weren’t making the right decisions.  But then think about it, that day at the coffee shop, literally all of the tables were taken.  Literally.  And then you had made the decision to go there that day, and so did I, and like… you offered me the seat at your table.  And then we talked about science and that’s like, literally my favorite thing.”

“Literally?”  Harry cocks his head with a shit eating grin.

“Shut up, don’t interrupt my rant.  Anyway! The law of attraction is a very real and very rad thing because like, who would’ve thunk that the cute guy that offered me a seat was my neighbor?”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Harry has never considered himself a lucky man by any means.  He isn’t really smart (although he isn’t stupid either, mind you) and the one and only thing he actually thinks he’s good at is his music.  He knows he’s selfish.  He knows he overreacts.  He knows that he’s done a lot of things wrong in his life.  But he’s also knows that he’s destined for extraordinary things.  Extraordinary music taste.  Extraordinary drink making skills.  And an extraordinary love.

Which is why he thanks his goddamn lucky stars, and his idiotic past self.  Because whatever he did, whatever wrong decisions he’d ever made, they led him straight to this girl.  This once in a lifetime, extraordinary person who exploded into his life in the weirdest possible way-- like a supernova.

Nova collapses against him when they’re both finished.  Her breath on his neck comes in short, hot puffs.  Harry’s ears are still ringing loudly but his hands find their way up to her back, rubbing soothing circles into the skin where her bra used to sit.

Neither of them makes any effort to move for the next minute or so.  Neither of them seems to mind.   They hold on to one another tightly, still conjoined, and trying to get their heart rates back down to normal.

After a while though, Harry’s leg starts to cramp. He shuffles a little underneath Nova, trying not to disturb her.  Instead, however, she lifts her head and greets him with a sleepy smile and messy hair.

“You good?”  She asks casually, and Harry chuckles out of pure surprise.

Just like that, in the blink of an eye, she’s right back to her quick-witted self.  “Yeah,” he says, scratching affectionately at the back of her head.  “Yeah, m’good.  You?”

Nova bumps her nose against Harry’s.  “I’m absolutely fantastic.”

They’re giggly and surprisingly chatty for the next few minutes as they slowly pick up their discarded clothes from the floor and put themselves back together.  It’s all so casual, so normal. Nova excuses herself to go pee.  Harry awkwardly looks around for a place to throw his condom until Nova notices he’s carrying it and screams, telling him to throw it in the bathroom trash can.

“But you were in the bathroom!”

“You couldn’t have knocked?!”

“You were peeing!”

“You literally just saw me naked less than 30 seconds ago, you lunatic!”

And then they’re dressed, lying comfortably atop her disheveled duvet with their arms around one another.  Nova curls comfortably into his side, now wearing the black hoodie he’d been in when he’d arrived. They share blissful, soft little kisses, and every so often Harry will nibble at her nose or her neck to make her laugh.

“You know something?”  Nova says, picking up Harry’s hand in her own and playing with his fingers.

“Tell me.”

“You’re like, insanely good at sex.  Literally.”

Harry chokes out a laugh.  “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.  Like, better than I’d imagined.  And I’d imagined it a lot.”

“Mm.”  Harry nods his head, too exhausted to let himself wonder what else she’d imagined about him.  “Well thank you.  You aren’t so bad yourself.”

Nova beams at him, as if surprised.  “You think so?”

“‘Course I think so.  It’s like you were made for me.  It’s like your ass is literally made of gold.”

Nova scowls.  “Seriously?  You had to go and say something stupid like that?”

Harry tries (read: fails) to conceal the smirk on his face.  “What?  It’s true.  Don’t act like you don’t know it.”  

Nova looks back over her shoulder at her own behind and shrugs.  “Mm… I mean, yeah.  It’s a pretty good ass.”

“Speaking of,” Harry says, “my band and I have got another gig next Wednesday.”

It’s Nova’s turn to laugh.  “What does that have to do with my golden ass?”

“Well, I was hoping you would bring said ass to it.”  Nova opens her mouth to say something, but Harry cuts her off.  “I promise, no ridiculous confessions this time.  Nothing dramatic.  Hell, you could even invite your friend Tommy or.. Or Mason…”

“Jason,” Nova corrects.

“Jason.  Yeah.  Invite him.  We can set him up with Clare.”

Nova rolls her eyes.  “You’re cute.  I’m not gonna invite him.  Buuuuut…”  She drops his hand and reaches up to grab his face, tilting his head so that she has easier access to kiss his cheek.  “I will be there.  Promise.”

“Wonderful.”

The silence over the next few minutes is so strangely comforting, that Harry doesn’t notice when he starts drifting to sleep.  He doesn’t even realize he’s only halfway conscious until Nova speaks softly.  “Hey.”

“Hmm?”

“You asleep?”

Harry yawns, louder than necessary to make Nova laugh.  “I was about to be.  M’sorry.”

“No, no, I’m sleepy, too.  Can we take a nap?”

Fuck, if Harry didn’t think he loved her before, he surely does now.

“A nap sounds great, actually.”

“Great.”  Nova snuggles down into his side even further, but then sits up so suddenly it startles him.  “Oh! Wait, hang on, do you mind if I play something?  I’ve been listening to it every night to help me sleep and now like, I kinda have a hard time sleeping without it.”

Nova doesn’t wait for Harry to answer (not that his answer would have mattered anyway) before she’s up and padding over to her laptop.  She opens it up, types a few things in, and pulls up a playlist.  She scrolls a bit, making a few clicking noises with her tongue until she finds the song she wants. “Here!”

Harry recognizes the song instantly.  It’s the one he’d sang for her at the last gig.  The one he’d covered for her on the playlist. He’s genuinely surprised as she walks back to the bed and settles into his side once more.

“You listen to this every night?”

“Every night!  It’s good.”

Nova relaxes into him, and Harry’s allows his arms to drape naturally around her. The sound of his own voice  coming from the speakers of her laptop fill the room.

“And you don’t even know, you’re like my wildest dream Held captive in stone, held captive in stone, Wishing you were mine Wishing you were mine…”

“Harry?”  her voice is soft, breaking him from his thoughts.  

“Yes?”

“You know I’m yours right?”

His heart feels like it could burst at her words, and he tightens his grip around her even more.  “Of course.”

“Every decision we’ve ever made has led us to being each other’s.”  She’s sleepy and she’s rambling, but Harry loves it.  “Isn’t that wild?”

Harry sighs, tilting his head down to rest his cheek on the top of her head.  “It is, yeah.”

In under a minute, Nova is out cold.  Harry knows he isn’t far behind, but he wishes he wasn’t.  He wants to stay here like this, feeling her breath on his neck, feeling the rise and fall of her chest, feeling her involuntarily cling to him in her sleep.  But soon he’s out, too, dreaming of the coffee shop where he’s certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he met the love of his life.

------

A/N: Alright first off, let us all just take a collective deep breath now that we’ve gotten through all of that.  Good? Yes? Okay.

HONESTLY, I didn’t expect to feel a little emotional over this story coming to an end, but here we are.  I really loved Hova (as my darling Bee christened them) and bringing Nova to life was some of the most fun I’ve ever had since I started writing. I’m also emotional because, even though it took me close to a year, I finished an entire story with multiple parts, which is something I haven’t done since I was about 16.  I’m so proud of this story, seriously.  And the fact that the plot came from the mind of an anon is even more incredible.  I owe you guys so very much and I’m so so SO thankful that you didn’t give up on me or on this story, even throughout my long writing drought. Thank you for the constant asks, thank you for pushing me to keep writing (even if you didn’t realize that’s what you were doing) and thank you for loving Nova and Harry as much as I do.

A huge thank you to miss @imethiminthemorning, without whom this story would either a) not exist or b) just be complete and absolute shit.  Thank you for constantly listening to me complain about how hard writing is, for popping into my google docs every now and then just to comment encouraging things on everything and watch me type, for putting up with endless typos, for bearing with me every single time I would write and rewrite a scene, for always being down to drink wine and whine, and just for being the most amazing human being on the entire planet. Nova and Harry say thank you for their lives.

Also shout out to @bribe-the-door and @harryfeatgaga for never getting tired of me screaming in the groupchat about all the sneak peeks I was constantly sending them.  You guys are amazing and I genuinely don’t know how I ever survived before we started texting tbh.

I DON’T WANT TO FULLY CLOSE THE DOOR ON HOVA, so feel free to send me questions about them.  I’m sure there will be plenty of blurbs about them in the future.  And who knows, maybe one day we’ll open the door on them again. ;)

IN CONCLUSION: I LOVE YOU GUYS.  THANK YOU FOR READING.  THANK YOU FOR BEING THE BEST.  BE NICE.  BE KIND.

THE END.

[starshua]

c.sc ❥ deluge

seungcheol x reader; 100wtsily

word count; 1.1k

synopsis; a school project on a rainy day with none other than choi seungcheol himself ; drabble, fluff + based on wtsily prompt 35, “after you.”

✎ hello it has been roughly a year and seven months since i’ve posted any seventeen fic at all and i am. ashamed

You’ve probably never been this nervous in your entire life.

You knew taking this class was a mistake. It was going to be nearly impossible for you, what with the workload and the damage it would surely do to your anxiety. But still you pressed on, determined to grow even in the smallest of ways, and so there you were with what might have been the most ludicrous assignment you could have been assigned: write a speech about your classmate.

The document with all of your instructions sat waiting on your laptop screen, mocking you for your cowardice. Your speech was due in three days, and you haven’t even met with your partner to hold an interview, let alone actually constructed the damn thing. To your credit, you did attempt a meeting once before—last Thursday, after class—but he had been busy, or something.

In fact, he always seemed busy. He was involved with the school council somehow, though you weren’t quite sure about the details, and popped up just about everywhere on campus to lend a helping hand or deal with an issue. You didn’t want to blame him for being so unavailable—he was doing good work, after all, and he really was very sweet—but you were not going to sacrifice your grade in this hellish class just because he was nice.

“Hey, y/n!” he called, walking briskly through the double doors of the library. It was raining outside, and he was positively drenched, dripping wildly from head to toe. He took the seat across from you and shed his soaking jacket. You tried not to stare at the damp hair that clung to his forehead.

“Hi, Seungcheol,” you said. He was a little bit late, and though you attributed it to the rain, it still left a bitter taste in your mouth. “Let’s get started.”

“Oh, yeah, sure!” Swiftly, Seungcheol pulled his laptop out and set it down on the table. “D’you wanna go first? Since my speaking day is next week, anyway, and I already got a little on you last class.”

You nodded tersely. Seungcheol’s face didn’t change, but you caught the involuntary twitch of his jaw and knew he was a little peeved by your attitude. You didn’t mean to snub him, really, but something about him set you on edge. He was too kind, too helpful, too attractive, and you had a hard time believing he was so without fault.

“So,” you said, opening a blank document for notes, “tell me about yourself. Life story kind of stuff.”

Seungcheol obliged with little difficulty, and his eagerness shocked you. He was from a small town just a few hours north, he explained, and he came from a family that couldn’t really provide for him as well as they wished they could have. He came to school with an academic scholarship, and he worried a lot about his grades even though he didn’t really need to. He had two close friends his age—Jeonghan and Joshua—that he went on a trip with every summer. Last year they went to a scenic town on the coast and wrote songs on the beach, drunk on cheap wine and moonlit adventure.

You watched the way Seungcheol’s eyes lit up as he talked about his friends, describing their shenanigans like they meant the world to him. The fondness on his face when he spoke of his mother was heartwarming, too, and the stony indifference in regard to his father wasn’t lost on you. You were beginning to see the scars, the little bruises he hid behind convincing smiles and a good attitude, and it made him seem a lot more human than he had twenty minutes ago. His passion is what sold it, though; the spark in his laugh as he talked about his loved ones, his dreams, his future. He almost seemed to glow with certainty.

It may have been foolish, but you felt like the two of you were connecting. He was being very personal—much more so than the assignment required, and you were certain he knew that—and he seemed to want the same from you, if the probing in his watchful gaze was anything to go by.

“So, yeah. I’m really into music production and songwriting,” he continued. “My mom helped me get really into it—that’s how my parents met, actually—and I’ve been doing it for about six years now?”

You nodded to encourage him, typing dutifully. You were sure you had gotten enough material, but something in you didn’t want to let the moment slip away. It felt like you’d never see that look in his eyes again if he left now.

Besides, you told yourself, you still had to return the favor.

“Okay, can you tell me a little bit more about—?” you faltered. The lights above you flickered, and with them, the whole library went black. You made alarmed eye contact with Seungcheol in the darkness; he looked as unsettled as you felt. The room went quiet.

A moment passed. Like a stuttering breath, the lights struggled back on. Outside, the wind raged against the trees meant to shield you. Rain fell in heavy waves, and thunder screamed across the sky. You caught sight of something—perhaps an umbrella?—caught in the torrent, rocketing through the air like a lost missile. How had you missed the nasty turn the weather had taken?

“You wanna get out of here?” Seungcheol offered tentatively.

You didn’t, not really, but you also kind of wanted to be able to find your way back to your dorm, and that would only be easy before nightfall. “Sure.”

He stood and grabbed his backpack, slinging a strap over one shoulder. You hurried to put your things away, and after a moment, Seungcheol came to help you. It was honestly more of a hindrance than a help—such a mess of limbs and movement—but it warmed your heart all the same.

“So?” he asked, slipping his jacket on as the two of you edged closer to the library exit, “Where do you wanna go?”

“Huh?”

Seungcheol smiled fondly, almost like he found your reaction cute. Cute. The thought made your head spin. “To continue the interview? And maybe eat a little?”

“O-oh. My dorm?”

“Ooh, bold. Taking me home already?”

You fought a blush in vain. “I meant the study rooms on the first floor!”

He laughed. “I know.” The automatic doors dragged themselves open, and a fresh wave of rainwater smacked Seungcheol right in the face. He flinched but stood otherwise frozen. You coughed out a laugh. He eyed you teasingly and gestured toward the storm, blinking back droplets. “After you.”

You smiled. Adrenaline surging, you grabbed his hand and dashed off into the deluge, Seungcheol trailing raucous laughter behind you. It was freezing, and the two of you were soaked to the bone in seconds, but it was exhilarating all the same. His hand was warm in your grasp, and somewhere in the mess of rain and wind, you felt his fingers encircle yours.

Maybe this class wouldn’t be so bad.

[prorevenge]

Be disrespectful and have annoyingly loud and vigorous sex, enjoy my reeking sardine and cooked broccoli concoction

This is a long one! Here goes...

This happened in 2015. I lived with my friend (Katie) and her younger sister (Sarah; ~18 months younger) for a year at uni. At the start of the year we had all agreed that the communal areas were to be kept clean and clutter free since it was a small flat and had a weekly cleaning roster. We also agreed that if we were going to bring any guys back to the flat, to warn the others just so we know who is coming and going for security reasons since the student area we lived in was notorious for break-ins.

Sarah became the biggest most disrespectful pain in the ass. She started off cleaning and helping out around the flat and telling us when she had guys over (there were a lot of guys she brought over), then as the months passed she stopped telling us she was bringing guys over altogether. Katie and I would wake up in the morning to random mostly naked strangers in the kitchen eating our food, using our shower or just dashing naked out of the flat holding his belongings.

Sarah stopped cleaning (argued she was cleaning when confronted), left a huge mess in the kitchen after cooking and never cleaned up, and there was a horrific odour coming from her bedroom because she never opened her window or cleaned out her personal trash (used sanitary pads and tampons would sit in her bin for a week or more). She was really unhygienic, had halitosis but never kept up oral hygiene and rarely had showers.

This next bit is when I got beyond pissed off with her. One weekend Katie was out of town, and their parents rang Sarah for a catch up around 4pm one Friday afternoon. Sarah tells them she can’t talk and that she’s got a 20% assignment due a few days later which she had to work on. 20 mins later one of her many guys comes over (she didn’t tell me prior) and she didn’t resurface while I was up - I went to bed around 10pm. I had a 35% assignment due the week following, so the next few days I’d planned to dedicate to this assignment.

That night I woke at about midnight to Sarah and her bang crashing around in the kitchen. Lots of laughing, screeching, pots and pans crashing about, tv blasting in the lounge. I was pissed, but didn’t get up to tell them to stfu (I should have in hindsight). I fell back asleep, and woke again at about 3am to them going through all the draws in the bathroom and slamming them shut. Sarah and her bang went through my personal draw and Katie’s looking for condoms “WHERE ARE THE FUCKING CONDOMS!?” he yelled. They even tried to break into Katie’s room looking for some, but Katie had locked her door and hidden her spare key (smart move). They crashed about and slammed the bedroom door and then proceeded to have loud vigorous sex for the rest of the night. No one wants to hear a headboard banging against the wall and sex noises. I had to sleep with a movie playing through headphones for the rest of the night just so I couldn’t hear them.

I got up at 6am with next to no sleep, to a filthy kitchen with food smeared on the bench, tv still on, some of my personal food missing, pots and pans left on the stove with food in them, and my belongings from my draw in the bathroom on the floor. Oh, and the front door was unlocked. I left her a shitty note outside her door calling her a rude and disrespectful bitch and that she’s not the only one who lives in the flat. I went to the library for the day and Katie said she had a good cry to her and their parents after reading my note but they didn’t care what she had to say after I’d already told them.

That night was my last straw with Sarah after months of her being a disrespectful bitch. She never apologised for that night and didn’t even clean up the tornado mess in the kitchen and lounge. Every time myself or Katie would confront her, she’d cry and say she didn’t mean it and she’s trying to be better, but nothing ever changed.

Since Sarah’s room was a pigsty (actually that’s insulting to pigs since pigs are cleaner than she is), and had a feral odour coming from her room, I went to the store and brought sardines and broccoli. I got the liquid the sardines were in (it absolutely reeked) and poured it along with blended day old cooked broccoli (and the reeky water) into a spray bottle. While Sarah was out, I went into her room and sprayed that feral concoction on her clothes that were on the floor, the “clean” clothes in the closet, in her shoes, and in her bed. I tipped the remaining offensive smelling concoction into her shampoo. I removed all evidence of the sardine concoction from the flat. Once rubbish day had been, I was in the clear. Sarah never took the flat rubbish out, so how would she know what was in the bin. Since she emptied her bin once in a blue moon, I put a sardine in her bin wrapped in some tissues and left it. Well, the fish started rotting, and the clothes and shoes reeked. Sarah being the moron that she is, didn’t empty her bin til a week after I put the sardine in there. Her room honestly I can’t even describe how bad it smelt. I came back from uni one day to Sarah crying to Katie because she couldn’t get rid of the smell. Katie got so mad and yelled at her for not cleaning and being unhygienic for literally months. Sarah had cleaned her room from top to bottom, and aired it out for weeks but the smell never left her room completely and was still in her bed sheets that she didn’t wash. When their parents came for a visit, they yelled at Sarah for smelling, her mum screamed that they didn’t raise Sarah to be so disgusting, that was music to my ears. Her [super annoying] friends stopped turning up unannounced (and at all), and guys stopped coming over too. I never expected my reeky concoction to work such wonders.

My room and the rest of the flat smelt fine, the lingering smell was just in Sarah’s own room. I was astounded that it took that sardine concoction to get Sarah to clean and air out her room, was the smell of rotting tampons not offensive enough to her?! Sarah failed her assignment and I got 91% in mine, that made me so happy. That’s the only evil thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve not told anyone what I did, but personal revenge never felt (and smelt) so good.

(source) story by (/u/peoniespinklemonade)

[agreateryesterday]

Wincest - ABO fics

Omega!Sam

Love Bites by DarkSammyProdigy02

*Finished* 10 chapters

A demon hell-bent on snatching psychics, a hunter on a “God-given” mission, having to run for dear life, being captured and forced to participate in a fucked-up gladiator fight - These are the things that bring alpha Dean Winchester and omega Sam Singer together. But, the two will learn through thick and thin that no matter what people say... love bites.

like cinnamon and ginger by savorvrymoment

*Finished* 3 chapters

Dean closes the distance between them on instinct, lays his hand on Sam’s back and rubs between his shoulderblades. His smell is strong from so close, though not the same heat-scent Dean remembers, and it’s not just a mix of sick and unhappy omega Dean can smell. No, Sam’s no longer cloyingly sweet, but rather settled into something softer, velvety and musky. No longer lush and fertile, Dean realizes. And of course, Sam’s thirty-nine years old; on top of that, his brother’s body has been through the wringer over and over and over again. It’s probably why he hasn’t been cycling for years now, and Dean’s not sure why he’s having another heat again out of nowhere—maybe one last stand before the hormones and pheromones start giving out entirely—but here they are…

Sam The Omega (part 1)

The Werewolf Book (part 2) by Sparxgirl

*Finished* 18 chapters & 13 chapters

Sam and Dean find a case close by, the killings are obviously that one of a werewolf. The strain on their bond after everything that had happened seemed to be solved and everything seemed as good as it was before. Until the pack turns out to have the alpha, Sam is kidnapped and Dean can't seem to get through his skull that not all monsters are the supernatural. After the events of 'Sam The Omega' have taken place Sam finds out that the book his brother so desperately wanted may hold the reason why the wolves kidnapped him in the first place. During his recovery Sam struggles with everything and it is not easy on his mind and body, a lot has happened in the past year and a half his brother kept him prisoner. His mind is wrecked and what he thought he knew is no longer useful. And then there is this weird encrypted book. And a person that knows way more than they're letting on.

Of Wolf and Man (part 1)

Welcome home (part 2) by Merenwen76

*Finished* 7 chapters & 1 chapter

„I told you so and you!“ Dean looked up at Sam. “Damn it’s like a fucking joke: Two hunters go to a Werwolf wedding!“

Set 4 weeks after the main story. Sam and Dean are trying to adjust to new living conditions.

The Art Of Persuasion by Anonymous

*Finished* One Shot

Toni Bevell is an expert at getting people to tell her things she wants to know, but so far Sam Winchester has proved resistant. But when she learns Sam is with pup, another plan forms. If she is Sam’s alpha....he’ll tell her everything. All she has to do is make it so.

Out Of Bounds by Anonymous

*Finished* One Shot

It’s only been a short time since Dean finally mated Sam, but since then his brother’s been a total nightmare. Dean just can’t figure out why. Is Sam tired of him already? Is something else wrong? Help from a friend sets him on the right track, and then all he has to do is give Sam the attention he’s been craving.

Conversion Therapy by Casey679

(Last updated Jan 20, 2020) 24 chapters

Sam walks out after a fight with John, only to encounter an aggressive group of alphas. After he beats them soundly in a fight, they turn the tables and force him through a barbaric "bitching" ritual to turn him omega. John and Dean must now find a way to get Sam to behave like a "proper" omega, under the threat that Sam could be taken away, publicly humiliated and/or assigned to some other alpha. Sam resists, because he's still the same competent hunter he always was and he doesn't see why he should be treated differently. It all comes down to a painful-drawn out battle of wills between John and Sam against a ticking clock that will bring ramifications none of them expect. The Winchester family dynamics will have to shatter and be rebuilt from the ground up if the three of them are to come through this crisis intact.

And My Baby Makes... by DWImpala67

*Finished* One Shot

Written for Spnkinkmeme bingo 2020 Nothing, just Sam and Dean having passionate sex...only Dean gets overboard with the idea of finally getting to breed Sam.

Mated and Matched by Brokenlittleboy

*Finished* One Shot

Sam and Dean are forced to mate due to a sex spell during a hunt. Things are not pretty after Mary finds out and discovers Sam is pregnant.

The Beginning of a Golden Age by Kissmewinchester

*Finished* One Shot

Sam wants to go to college, like the mundanes do, before settling down, but John, who’s Pack Alpha, doesn’t approve. These are the chain of events that folllow.

Born Omega by Writelikethat

*Finished* 16 Chapters

In a world with Alphas, Omegas and Betas, people live their lives connected to a pack. But every once in a while, an omega will be born to human parents and when the time comes the Omega will be in search of a pack. Everyone wants to take in the Born omega with a pure line to their roots, and this time is no different. Sam has grown up, unaware of what his status means to those around him. Dean is a grown up Alpha with a good life, but with a limited future because of his unmated status. The new omega is stirring with Dean's set view of his life.

Make a Good Omega Out of You by Multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shot

Prompt: That last Omega!verse prompt inspired me. May I request an AU of the AU that last Anon set up where instead of escaping to Stanford Sam was mated to Dean before he could get away and like a good Omega Sam follows him on hunting trips when John goes missing. But one day Sam finally snaps and yells and scratches and all that and Dean decides it's time to give him an educational night on how Omegas should be; Sam can't fight back well because John belived Omegas shouldn't hunt and never taught him.

That's My Omega by Jld71

*Finished* One Shot

Sam has always known he was Dean’s omega and his mate. It just seemed that Dean didn’t feel the same way about him. That was until another alpha showed interest in him.

Sam's Inner Omega by TammyRenH

*Finished* One Shot

There are two sides to every Omega; the side that wants to be cuddled and pampered. And the side that wants to be pinned down and fucked roughly like a bitch in heat.

Soul Searching by kansaskissedlips

*Finished* One Shot

It's taken a long time to manifest, but Sam discovers that he's an omega at the most inconvenient of times.

How An Omega Should Be by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shot

dark wincest with omega!sam being forcibly mated to alpha!dean by traditionalist alpha!john (with dean in full agreement) but sam escapes to stanford But, dean manages to find him and he's not too happy so he shows sam how an omega is 'supposed' to be by noncon knotting and reclaiming and that's the real reason sam leaves with dean to go hunting again

Joy Taken, Gifts Given by Katlover98

*Finished* One Shot

After Dean comes back from Purgatory he is never not pissed off at his mate, Sam. Sam had abandoned him to go play house with a Beta. What Dean doesn't know is that Sam is keeping a secret from him and it could be that Sam has suffered more than Dean knows while he was stuck in Purgatory.

Odd One Out by hunter_king

*Finished* 6 chapters

Dean cares about Sam. He cares about him a lot. And John is worried that Dean cares for Sam a little too much.

First Heat by hunter_king

*Finished* One Shot

When Sam presented as an Omega on his 13th birthday, his father quickly put him on suppressants. Now, at the ripe age of 35, Sam experiences his first heat.

The Claiming by TammyRenH

*Finished* 8 chapters

When Sam saves Dean rather than killing Michael, the hunters from the tear decide that he no longer deserves to be a leader, or an Alpha. Through magical means, two of the others painfully change Sam from an Alpha to an Omega. There is a claiming competition where several Alphas fight for the right to claim Sam, but at the last moment Dean (and Baby) come in and save the day - but he still has to claim Sam, or someone else will.

Incognito by deanandsam (J2 fic)

*Finished* 17 chapters

Jensen is a rich TV producer, who's no longer happy with his lifestyle . He's also an Alpha in search of his mate.

Somethin’ Like Soulmates by Chuchiwan

*Finished* 60 chapters

Sam is an Omega who is the furthest thing from the “typical omega” concept. He’s tall, muscular, and has trained himself to not be submissive. He has been living as beta for so long, hiding his true nature, that he has isolated himself from forming any form of relationship. Dean has been trying to stay afloat for years. But a shattered family past has left him numb to the idea that someone might actually like him or that it’s okay for him to like someone. Something like fate keeps pushing these two together and it starts to become clear that they just might be meant for each other.

At Dawn A New Sun Rises by rhyaenv

*Finished* 3 chapters

Since he presented as an alpha at fourteen, Sam’s always felt a disconnect with his dynamic. He’s kept it a secret from most, along with a few other things—especially from Dean. One night Sam wakes up alone in an alley with no idea how he got there, only to discover the following day that he’s not an alpha anymore—he’s an omega. Now everything Sam’s tried to keep hidden slowly starts to unravel.

Be A Good Omega by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shot

AU where alpha dean is a demon and one day he blindfolds 18yo omega sam and knots him while mary and john try to stop him he uses his demon powers to prevent them from moving

Heat of the Moment by lotrspnfangirl

*Finished* One Shot

Sam sets out to prove his father and brother wrong. He’s not some knot slut, unable to control himself simply because he’s in heat. He’s in complete control. At least, until it comes to his brother.

Lien on my soul by cillasstuff

*Finished* 8 chapters

Sam watched his dream of Dean becoming his Omega die at the hands of Metatron, or so he thought. The MoC allowed his brother to be returned, but it wasn’t Sam’s Dean who came back from the dead. In his brother’s body was a demon who took what he wanted and he wanted Sam…

Love Me Please by addictiontofiction

*Finished* 8 chapters

Sammy loves and hates school. He loves to learn, but hates his classmates. It's just like Sammy loves and hates Dean. Dean is the most oblivious Alpha he's ever met. Maybe he's oblivious because they've just been so close for this long, but Dean never seems to scent Sam's distress or need- at least it doesn't look like it. And Sammy doesn't understand, all he knows is he wants Dean to love him the way he loves Dean.

Damn Witches by wonderussam

*Finished* 2 chapters

After a hunt, Sam starts to go into heat after touching a cursed object. Dean helps.

House of Wolves by gothpandaotaku

*Finished* One Shot

Dean never imagined that the puppy he found when he was four would turn out to be a werewolf, or his mate.

Everything Always Falls Apart by sp00kyskeletons (TRIGGER WARNING)

*Finished* 4 chapters

“I miss the time it was you, Dad and me. Where we were all happy, where I wasn’t pushed out, where you paid attention to me, where you would actually sit down and talk. Not just ignore me and focus on Cas.” Sam said to himself, having no idea if Dean heard it. Walking into his bedroom he slammed the door, locking it, before sinking down to his knees, not even trying to mask the sobs that left his mouth. Maybe soon it would be his time to hit the vein and bleed to death behind his locked door, or swallow the pills in the bathroom and just die. No more suffering, no more pain. He would be dead, finally. All Sam was, was an emotional wreck.

Beautiful ... in a way a forest fire is beautiful by Sanshal

*Finished* One Shot

Dean goes to get Sam at Stanford and is surprised to find out that his alpha brother is now an omega... and has a pup. Unfortunately, tragedy strikes the Winchester family again and now Dean's got two dependents in tow and he still doesn't know where his dad is. He could marry Sam off or claim him for himself, but he can't stay unmated - taking an unmated omega on the road is asking for trouble. And worst of all, his little brother is now everything he never let himself fantasize about when they were growing up.

Just Submit by orphan_account

*Finished* One Shot

The cure failed; Dean is a demon for good. Sam can't bring himself to kill him, not now that Dean has gotten him pregnant. Now all Dean wants is submission - can Sam bring himself to submit to this new version of his brother?

I Like The Disease by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shot

Based loosely during the scene when Dean was after Sam in the Bunker during Soul Survivor after I had seen the promo for the episode, and with a/o/b added to the mix.

Fields Of Jasmine by BruisedBloodyBroken

*Finished* 37 Chapters

Dean is an ex-hunter, working as a mechanic on the salvage of his surrogate-father Robert Singer, from Monday to Friday, 9-5, sometimes overtime. He quit hunting after a severe injury to his right calf and hip. He built a small house behind Bobby's where he's living. One day, a young man runs in front of his car, who's chased by a vampire. Something that will irrevocably change his life forever.

Never Too Late by Amanda_Yates

*Finished* 10 chapters

Dean Winchester is forced into an arranged marriage to Sam Campbell by his family, two years down the road Dean is still stubborn about not claiming his mate and living completely separate lives as he wants nothing to do with Sam. Right when Sam is finally giving up on him Dean finds himself intrigued for the first time and let’s hope he’s not too late to grab onto Sam before he bails.

Heart of Darkness by Lodovicus

(Last updated Aug 21, 2015) 8 chapters

Dean Winchester has just come back from hell. Something isn't quite right, Dean is scared, but Sam is trying to stay strong for the both of them while keeping his demon blood habit hidden from Dean. Story diverges from the shows plot right from the beginning of Season 4.

Equals by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shot

Omega!Sam getting hit on by an alpha while Alpha!Dean is away for a moment. The alpha hitting Sam when he ignores him.

Mate (Part 1)

Voice (Part 2)

Heat (Part 3) by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shots

omega!sam and alpha!dean who leave in a society where omegas have become more and more controlled and they have a law that says that an omega above certain age can't be mateless, and well sammy is older and the want to force sam to mate a stranger, and the only way to prevent it is that dean mates him first, even though sam doesn't want a mate, and dean feels guilty because he always wanted sam

how their dinamics would change

sam experiencing his first heat

My Omega (part 1)

Fill and Breed (part 2) by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shots

alpha!demon dean and omega!angel sam and how dean has been trying to corrupt sam for centuries now but sam wants to remain pure, until one day he finds sam and giving him a little of his blood induces sam into heat and sam can't help wanting dean?

more alpha!demon Dean and omega!angel Sam

Help From Alpha by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shot

Alpha/Omega Sam and Dean mpreg

Sticks and Stones by itsoundslikeabadjoke

*Finished* One Shot

Dean was an incredible mate, always near, loving and protectful, beautiful and amazingly attentive to Sam’s needs. In the deepest part of the younger brother’s heats, Dean would force him to slow down and enjoy what was being given to him. Which is why Sam was so confused when, nearing the end of one of his heats, Dean decided to listen to his pleas and take him as he wanted to be.

Beauty Of The Beast by Cozy_coffee

*Finished* One Shot

No description

The Lycan Vessel by DevilsDontFlyButJustYouWatchMeTry (KissMyAssButt67)

*Finished* One Shot

In which Dean and Sam are werewolves. Dean is the alpha who doesn't want to hurt his brother, Sammy is the boy who just wants Dean. They're in love, John's still an ass. Dean would never hurt Sammy, and Sammy causes trouble as per usual.

Orion by hellhoundsprey

*Finished* One Shot

(From Sam’s pov) You are supposed to stay pure. (Sam is 17. Dean is 21.)

The Wolf You Feed

The Wolf You Choose by orphan_account

*Finished* 2 chapters, 2 chapters

Sam and Dean are expert hunters, in their own way. So of course they know everything about werewolves, about their weaknesses and the best way to send them to Purgatory. Dean knew not to get bit. He didn't know of the possessive hunger that came with getting bitten.

It's been a week since Sam presented as an Omega, after Dean had bit his ass, and he wasn't sure how to feel about it. The sex was great. The constant submission? Not so much. And now they were back to hunting and Sam was confused, because his body was feeling unnaturally hot...

When the Sun Came Up (You Were Looking at Me) by orphan_account

*Finished* 3 chapters

Azazel isn't a demon, the Winchesters don't hunt, and when Sam is taken to Cold Oak, he's turned into an omega. Dean is his alpha.

To Have Worth by darkroses

*Finished* One Shot

Dean claims Sam from a young age to be his omega. Sam wasn't sure how he felt about that. His feelings changed with time. All he wanted was to be worth something. No matter what Sam offered, he could never have what he was searching for.

Missing Piece by orphan_account

*Finished* 10 chapters

The one in which Dean and Sam (unrelated) happen to be true mates and a lot of teasing and chaos happens.

The Claiming

And nothing else matters by waywardelle

*Finished* One Shot, One Shot

At age 32, Sam Winchester presents as an Omega. No one is more surprised than Dean, the Alpha who's been pining over his little brother all his life.

Dean inexplicably pushes Sam away when their mother returns to their lives. After she leaves, Dean stays away anyway. Sam wants to kill Dean for ignoring the fact that they're fuckin' mated, but the omega in him tells him to be patient. So, he waits. And he misses his Alpha like crazy.

Just As He Thought by Dragoneyedgirl990

*Finished* One Shot

Dean Winchester was 18 years old and has long since proudly presented as an Alpha much to his fathers relief. John would never admit it but he had been worried for a little while that his oldest son would be an Omega, with his pretty looks and willingness to obey. He had no doubts that his younger son would present as an Alpha as well, Sam was hard headed and fought his father every step of the way. Definitely an Alpha.

The Sheriff's Son Sam by Wonchostors (orphan_account)

(Last updated Sep 16, 2015) 1 chapter

Dean Singer is Sioux Falls' resident troublemaker, and the biggest thorn in Sheriff John Winchester's side. He causes trouble and wreaks havoc just for the fun of it, and always gets away with it. But that all changes when Dean meets Sam Winchester, a sweet omega that turns out to be John's eldest son. But by time Dean figures out exactly who Sam is, the two have already fallen in love. John wants nothing to do with Dean, and he wants him as far away from his son as possible. But Dean will do anything to stay with Sam. . . and their unborn child.

Fever Heat by bloodandcream

*Finished* One Shot

Maybe Dean was an early bloomer or maybe Sam was just a late bloomer. But the kid was thirteen and he still hadn’t popped his knot. Dean had been eleven when he had presented as an alpha. Dad had given him a box of condoms, a slap on the back and an ‘atta boy’. The extent of “The Talk” that he’d gotten was a shrug and a ‘you’ll figure it out’.

What A Time to Have a Baby by littlefirefly31

*Finished* One Shot

Sam is pregnant when he is trying to cure demon Dean and he goes into labor

My Baby Brother by raviolisinspace

(Last updated Nov 21, 2015) 24 chapters

This story takes place in a world where the supernatural is unknown to the Winchesters. John was said to be cursed by a witch after getting into trouble with the wrong people when he was younger. The witch cased a curse which ensured John's first born child to be a werewolf, and a possessive one at that. This story follows the Winchester's lives through new dangers and newly discovered truths that emerge along the way.

What Part of Forever by AnnaNocturnal

*Finished* 5 chapters

Sam is an Alpha, like the rest of his—maybe dysfunctional—pack, until he’s kidnapped and turned into an omega as revenge for the vampire Luther’s death. After rescue, Sam is overwhelmed, his nerves chafed by his now smothering and over-protective pack. His mind is already bucking against his changing body and new instincts, but then the other shoe drops—Dean is Sam’s true fated mate. Sam bolts, taking off in the night, and ends up stuck in a backward town where omegas—particularly males—are treated as property, awarded to the last Alpha standing in a grand public spectacle of won dominance. Dean manages to find Sam in time to save him, but at what cost?

About Damn Time by orphan_account

*Finished* One Shot

Sam forgets his suppressants and goes into heat unexpectedly. Dean's there to help.

It's New to Me by littlefirefly31

*Finished* One Shot

All of Sam life he thought he was a beta as he never presented as an Alpha like Dean or Omega. Years later as Soulless Sam something triggers it after the goddess of truth "Veritas" case, it could be because Cas did that Body Cavity Search it trigger his dormant Omega gene. Anyways Soulless Sam is not suppose to feel anything. But his logical processing brain is failing him he does not understand what is happening to him, so for the first time he panics! Cue Dean who is trying not to care, but its just in grain in him when he sees his little brother hurting- he has to fix it...and then Sam full on omega scent hits him....

Calling It True Love by Rebldomakr

*Finished* One Shot

Sam couldn't say he hated being an Omega. He hated how feminine his body looked compared to his brother, hated how he was so short because 'Omegas typically do not grow during their first years of maturity'. But, he loved the attention his brother dumped on him like water and how his father stopped complaining when he wanted to coil around Dean. He hated how he got tired of school because of the Omega-special classes were too easy, so easy he just pleaded to stop being registered. He loved being able to spend all the time he wanted at the library, reading whatever he wanted and being able to learn at whatever speed he wanted. Then he's suddenly fourteen, and his first heat hits.

Collar Control by Sanshal

*Finished* One Shot

For years Alpha-aggression has been controlled electronically... but when the power grid controlling the alpha-aggression control collars fails; Sam must decide how to deal with Dean- his alpha.

Sweat by kittenofdoomage

*Finished* One Shot

“What’s wrong?” “It’s just… something’s off.”

Not How I Wanted by AnnaNocturnal

*Finished* 2 chapters

Sam never wanted to be mated to his brother. He loves him, sure. Admires him, of course. But he never imagined taking his brother's knot. Until Sam forgot to take his suppressants. Now, in the throes of brutal heat, he finds himself begging for it, for Dean to mate him. Will Sam accept Dean as his Alpha when the heat subsides?

Without You [I Live Without Love] by non_tiembo_mala

*Finished* One Shot

Sam Wesson has been successfully hiding his Omega status his entire life, thanks in part to his uncharacteristically large and muscled Alpha-like body. But he isn't Alpha, or Beta, no matter how much he tries to blend in, and he's never found anywhere he belongs. Dean Smith is the quintessential Alpha. He's smart, fierce, works hard, and has never encountered trouble when he has an itch that needs scratching. But more and more he finds himself longing for that rare connection only found between True Mates. Just when he's ready to give up hope on the dream of finding his, life throws him Sam Wesson.

The Smell of Fear by AnnaNocturnal

*Finished* 3 chapters

All Alphas are collared, tracked and controlled by the government as part of the Collar Initiative, a set of laws put into place in the 1960s. They temper an Alpha's wild nature, protecting omegas from their more violent counterparts. That is, until the power grid fails one day. Sam watches the chaos on the news, and it's a moment before Dean enters his mind. When he looks toward the bed his brother was lounging on, he's gone, the sight of the Alpha's abandoned collar sending chills down Sam's spine. The omega considers running, but when he turns he finds himself face-to-face with Dean, no collar between them.

Bring You Back by littlefirefly31

*Finished* One Shot

Sam resolves himself to do the one thing he knows will make demon!dean jealous enough to come back to him.

Been Here All Along by orphan_account

*Finished* One Shot

Sam is a late bloomer. Traditionally, omegas found their partner and went through their first heat by sixteen. Sam is about to turn eighteen, and he hasn’t even let out a whiff of heat. He’s never been interested in any of his suitors, either. And Sam has had plenty. Dean can’t help but be pleased as punch about the whole situation.

Bitten by MsImpala67

*Finished* One Shot

Sam hates being an Omega. He absolutely does not need anyone the way Omegas need their Alphas. He can make do with his fingers or toys when he has heats, and that's that. But it's not good enough. It's never good enough. Just when Sam thinks he'll die from it all, Dean changes everything.

Pathetic by femmefatales

*Finished* 3 chapters

Sam has been hiding the fact that he's an omega from Dean for almost 5 years now. What happens when he slips up and goes into heat in the middle of a case?

Homecoming by HazelDomain

*Finished* One Shot

Dean battles his way out of purgatory to find his omega shacked up with some beta woman. He is not pleased.

Tempting Sin by blackrose_17

*Finished* 5 chapters

Dean Winchester rules New York City underground and always gets what he wants so when he lays eyes on the newest dancer at his club a sweet little omega named Sam Campbell he knows that Sam is meant to be his and nothing and no one will stop him from claiming his omega. Sam never had much luck in love, his one and only boyfriend used him and then dumped him like trash so when Dean starts to court him Sam surprises everyone when he's the one who seduces the playboy alpha.

Americana Exotica by Little_Winchester

*Finished* One Shot

Dean loved Sam, he really did. He loved everything about him, from his mile-long legs to his slender waist to his fox-slanted eyes which darkened gorgeously every time Dean touched him, be it an arm slung around his shoulders or a hand creeping up his thigh. The one thing that turned Dean’s head upside-down and made his stomach turn was the way Sam teased him.

Coffee and Balsam and Leather-bound Books by AutumnSwitch

*Finished* 4 chapters

Sam makes it home for Christmas, but something is not right. When Dean finds out why his brother's scent is unfamiliar, he is determined to make it all better with sex, love, and gingerbread.

Soaked by castielsstarr

*Finished* One Shot

There were a few things Sam hated about being an omega. One was the way people treated him like he was a fragile thing and would break. Two was when people talked about him like he wasn’t in the room. And three was when he would start leaking slick for no reason.

Taking Care- Double Dragons by Boogermeister

*Finished* One Shot

Dragon siblings Sam and Dean receive a letter from a friend about something but the older brother doesn't want to go and instead kills some time with him through some intimate persuasion.

Just Them

The Green Room by compo67

*Finished* One Shot, One Shot

The condom broke the last time (alpha!)Dean was in heat. But they figured Sam was young, so maybe their chances weren't that high of getting him pregnant. Wrong. And it would be wrong now to think they could do this again without anything happening.

Pregnant with triplets and the parent of a nine month old, Sam is given the chance to nest in a house, not a hotel room on the road. This is the start of a new direction for the Winchesters; one change happens after another and life moves fast. But through it all, Dean sees to it that Sam has everything he needs and more.

And They Call It Honeymoon by hellhoundsprey

*Finished* One Shot

How about some alpha!Dean Smith taking care of his sweet, precious omega!Sam Wesson. Possibly during office hours on Smith's desk with Wesson wearing a pretty pink chastity belt because Sam is his and no one else's.

Post: Part 1

[wingingittheblog]

Coffee is Essential...

If there was one thing I wouldn’t be able to live without in this life, it wouldn’t be some form of emotional construct like love, nor would it be something fickle, like a house or a bed. It would be Campos coffee. 

I was shocked and confused to see Scott Morrison neglecting to explicitly name Campos as an essential item. I can assure you, that if I were Prime Minister, that would be right at the top of my proper and important list of essential items.

Before I delve into the wonder that is campos allow me to clarify that the Campos that I am referring to is not the general brand but rather a safe haven of happiness and bean juice that is located in a specific spot in a temptingly close proximity to my home in Sydney...

Let me assure you that three years ago, I wasn’t a coffee drinker. The most I would drink would be the odd instant coffee mix in for if I were staying up studying for an assignment. This all changed when I moved away and met one of my best friends; a coffee addict, Tate. Tate could probably drink coffee like its water and it would have no effect on her whatsoever. Me, on the other hand, would have one sip of a dirty chai and spiral into cardiac arrest (I wish I could tell you that my coffee tolerance has since gotten better. It hasn’t).

Dirty chais, mochas and cappuccinos became a standard for Tate, my other pal Carmel and I at an overpriced coffee shop on campus where the baristas were always cranky, or at an outdoor shipping container at a local community garden that had English Ivy dangling from the ceilings (a personal favourite). Semester 2 soon rolled around and the need for bean juice became stronger for Carmel, Tate and I. So, every day after our study sesh in an old decrepit library (that wasn’t really a library because there are NO BOOKS IN THAT BUILDING LET ME TELL YOU and also it smells like feet), we would make our way to Campos for a double shot ice latte adrenaline extravaganza. 

Just incase I haven’t made it clear, Campos coffee is STRONG. Like take one sip and you’re good to go for three days straight strong. Which is kind of why I didn’t go there very often to start with. I liked my English ivy shipping container coffee to go, and to be honest, sometimes I kind of miss it. Early last year, I went to campos with boyfriend who wasn’t my boyfriend yet and that’s when the frequent revisits began. I remember one of the first times I made my way up to campos with him to meet one of his siblings, and I ordered a cappuccino and boy oh boy I have never seen more disappointment in that boy’s eyes. So I’m a latte girl now (like literally every white girl ever) but to shake it up, sometimes I’ll have a flat white. 

(Boyfriend often refers to this experience to claim that he introduced me to Campos, however I would like to use this blog post as a public forum to let him know that he did not xoxo).

Nevertheless,  Campos became a particularly frequent place of refuge for boyf and I, and let me explain to you why (aside from the fact that he is a coffee snob and won’t go anywhere else):

Campos is a small and skinty shop. You walk in and you’re met with windows on one side lines with mirrors to give off the illusion of more space (which there is not because it is TINY). You are greeted by a nice barista named Dan who always remembers my name and never remembers boyf’s to my enjoyment and his indignation. There is a really cool tap thing where you can pour yourself water but you get to pick whether its sparkling or flat water and I’m not gonna lie, that excites me every single time. Theres always pretty good tunes in the back ground and a hustle and bustle of happy customers and staff, and I suppose a sufficient amount of plants…. 

And on top of all this, I am yet to have a crappy cup of coffee from Campos… So there’s that…

Once a year, Campos replaces their ridiculously over priced affogato with an easter affogato which is basically the same thing as a normal affogato except THAT IT HAS AN EASTER EGG IN IT (allowing it to be raised to top tier of happiness inducing consumable goods). I had literally been talking about this easter affogato since the end of February, and was waiting eagerly for it to appear on the menu so that I could eat about 35 of them consecutively. Unfortunately, due to A PANDEMIC, that wonderful day did not come. I feel personally victimised, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that has been the sole reason for the decline in mental health worldwide over the past 6 weeks. 

For now at least, I’m going to have to settle for my morning routine of drinking black coffee with my Dad while we sit on the couch and watch the morning news as the sun rises. But Campos, I’ll be back for you.