#501 new jokes

[frsturt]

1001+ New British And Irish Themed Jokes

New Adult Jokes Daily – Guaranteed To Make You Laugh Or Your Tonsils Back! Welcome! Céad Míle Fáilte 欢 google-site-verification: google4de88e90fa1080a9.html Original jokes – created and crafted by Francis R Sturt JOKES OF THE DAY: 21/01/2024What did the police officer say to three monks having sex? Halo! Halo! Halo! What is Scouting For Girls? Boy Scouts without the sex. Two agents are in the…

[zorrasucia]

Teach Me Tonight - Part 1

Part 1: [Part 2] [Part 3] [Deleted Scene] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Deleted Scene] [Part 8]

Reader x Carmy Berzatto (The Bear FX)

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Smut, Set sometime after the opening of The Bear, Porn with a little plot, Virgin!Carmy, Masturbation, Mutual masturbation, P in V sex, Both Carmy and Reader have a bit of a praise kink

Summary: He scratched his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassment taking over desire. "Would you teach me? How to- I wanna make you feel good."

It had all started five months ago.

You had finally found a good spot for your vintage clothing store. It used to be a bar, right next to a sandwich place called The Beef. Things lined up so that the new restaurant, The Bear, opened a week before your store did. You were thankful - fine dining brought just the kind of business you wanted.

After weeks of eyeing the delicious looking desserts through the window, you decided to close early and get one of each and a coffee.

"You have a sweet tooth, huh?" the server joked amicably. "Have I seen you around?"

"I own the store next door," you replied.

"Of course!" he smiled. Then added: "Do you sell anything denim?"

You eyed his all black suit, guessing his size.

"Yeah, I just got a few pieces you might like."

"Oh, it's not for me," he laughed. "I've been telling my cousin to visit for weeks but he hasn't listened. I'll send him your way tomorrow."

You hadn't thought much of it. But the next day the cousin showed up. He was short, pretty, with blue eyes and built like a brick house.

"Carmen," he offered you his hand to shake; his arms were covered in tattoos.

"Your cousin said you are looking for vintage denim?"

"Yeah."

You showed him the new arrivals and a few of the most popular pieces - everybody wanted Levi's 501s. But he surprised you asking about specific models and the lining on jackets. You didn't know it at the time but Carmy found a way into your heart and mind from the moment you met him.

He was smart without being cocky, with an offbeat sense of humor and the nicest profile you had ever seen. He started bringing you (exquisite) leftovers for your lunch, stopping sometimes for a little talk. You called him to show whatever new pieces arrived to the store. It became a thing.

You were friends until you weren't. Until he got comfortable enough to touch your hand and hug you. Until you got the nerve to ask him out and kiss him.

It had been three months of seeing each other as much as your schedules allowed, kissing at closing time and talking way too much about jeans.

Today was a rare instance of Carmy taking the day off from the restaurant, and even rarer that it had lined up with yours. The afternoon was spent in your living room, eating take out from his favorite place, your legs on his lap, talking about the frantic week he'd had and your plans of going to a estate sale next weekend. You ended up tangled on your bed making out, the song of the city playing outside your window, his tongue eager in your mouth and your hands carding through his hair. You felt electric, like anything Carmy did could light the spark within you. You writhed in his embrace and found that Carmy was hard against your hip, grinding slightly.

"Are we doing this?" you asked against his mouth. You were leaning back and pulling him towards you.

"Now?" he sounded surprised.

"I mean, yeah," you chuckled. It felt right. And you had thought about it for weeks. But he seemed genuinely taken aback so you added: "If you want."

There was a long silence. Was it too soon? You looked away, feeling mortified - this was all a mistake. You tried to disentangle yourself from Carmy's embrace to give him space but he held on tighter.

"No, I do, I want to," he said softly. "It's just-"

His thumb soothed the skin on your cheek and you realized he wasn't surprised, not really. His eyes were half lidded - it was a weird look on him, a combination of embarrassment and desire.

"Do you like kinky stuff? Is that it? Because we can talk about it-" you stopped in your tracks when you saw his face contort into a grimace. "Sorry."

"It's fine," he reassured. "Actually it's the opposite problem," he mumbled. "I'm- I'm new to this. I have done none of it. Ever," he confessed. You caressed the hair on his temples.

"Oh. That's okay," you said and he avoided your gaze. You tilted your head to look him in the eye. "It is. I promise."

"Would you-" he scratched his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassment taking over desire. "Would you teach me? How to- I wanna make you feel good."

You smiled. "I mean, sure, but hopefully we'll both feel good."

He laughed, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. You settled on the bed, lying face to face, just kissing, taking your time, warming the space between you once again. Carmy followed the pace you had set, his lips were gentle against yours. There was a nervousness to him though, he was too still. You took one of his hands and placed it on your chest, cupping your breast over your shirt. He gasped into your mouth and paused the kiss.

"Just touch me," you nuzzled your nose against his. "Anywhere you like."

His hands hovered above you, settling on your waist, lifting your shirt a little. His fingers were cold and you shivered.

"Sorry- I-" he stopped.

"Hey, you're just a little cold," you kissed his cheek and ran your hands over his chest and around his shoulders reassuringly. "I'll let you know if anything feels wrong."

"Promise?"

You nodded and placed his hand back on your waist. His fingers tickled up your sides and you hummed contentedly even though your clothes were getting in the way.

"Want to take it off?" you asked.

You lifted your arms so that he could push the blouse off of you. He cleared his throat at the sight of you, his eyes wider than you had ever seen them, and you could feel yourself melting into his beautiful hands as he touched and touched.

"Can I?" you had started tugging at the hem of his pristine, white shirt.

"Yeah," he replied breathlessly. You helped him out of it, and started tracing the lines of muscle on his arms.

"You're so beautiful," you said and he flushed down to his neck, the way he looked after a long day in the kitchen.

"Well, right back at you," he replied earnestly. "Wh- What should I do next?"

"Kiss my neck?" you proposed. He nodded eagerly and buried his face in the crook of your neck. "Keep going," you pleaded.

His hair tickled you as he went down your collarbone and the top of your breasts. You trembled with pleasure. This was new to him but also new to you. You had gotten used to men that never asked what you liked - this was different. Nice.

"I'll show you something," you guided Carmy's hands to your back, over the clasp of your bra. "There's a hook back there, feel it?"

"I think so," he furrowed his brows in concentration.

"You bring the sides together and it opens," it took him a couple of tries but he managed. "Good," you praised and Carmy smiled wide, carefully taking it off.

He continued kissing down, noticing how your breath hitched when he got close to your nipples.

"Feels good?" he asked, his breath on your skin hardened your nipples and made you arch your back.

"Yeah," you carded a hand through his hair, keeping him close and moaning when he kissed each side.

His lips and hands roamed all over your chest, so diligently, so thoroughly, that you thought you might come from that alone. Your thighs kept rubbing close together to find some relief. Carmy saw you and placed a hand on your hip.

"Show me," he said.

You took one of his tattooed hands and placed it between your legs, arching into it. His fingers pressed around aimlessly. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't good either.

"I have an idea," you said after a little while. Carmy looked up at you. "Come, let's sit."

He settled with his back to the headboard while you undressed all the way. Then, you sat between his legs, your back to his chest.

"This is nice," Carmy said softly, one of his strong arms surrounding you. You put his hand back between your open legs, his fingers over yours.

"I'm going to touch myself the way I like it," you explained, your index already tracing the outlines of your folds. "And then you try."

Carmy cleared his throat behind you. "Okay."

You closed your eyes, focused on the feeling of Carmy around you - his sculpted chest to your back, his long fingers echoing every move you made, and his breath caressing the side of your face. Carmy's hands were bigger than yours, more calloused - the feeling of them, almost in unison with yours, was making you dizzy.

"Here," both of your middle fingers touched your clit. You moaned. "Here is good."

"I can hear that," he teased.

When your hand moved around, his stayed there, drawing tiny circles on it.

"Oh," you gasped in surprise and pleasure. Your free hand started squeezing at your breast only to be replaced with his other hand. "Fuck," you cursed under your breath as he kept going. "That's good. That's so good. Don't stop."

"Wouldn't dare," he managed to say.

He sounded just as worked up as you were, his breathing laboured. You could feel his nose buried deep in your hair and his erection poking at your back. He started grinding against you, and you leaned into it a little. He groaned.

"Please," he begged.

You reached behind, palming him over his trousers. It was hard to keep a steady pace from that angle and he was already making you lose control but you tried.

"Shit, shit," he fucked into your hand, messy and desperate, every sound from his mouth pushing you over the edge.

"Carmy," you called his name over and over as your orgasm washed over you. It was hot, blinding, and it made it hard to breathe. You realized Carmy had come too once you regained your bearings and found the bit of his trousers you were holding was damp and warm.

He rested his forehead on the side of your face.

"I could die right now," he mumbled, blissed out.

You hummed in agreement. You stayed in content silence for a while, Carmy's arm keeping you close and his thumb caressing your shoulder.

"We can go over the rest next time," you offered.

"I, uh," he shifted where he sat, "I kinda hoped I'd see you when..."

You twisted a little to look at him. He was back to that embarrassed-horny state, cheeks flushed.

"See me...?" you prompted.

"When you came."

"Oh!" you touched his thighs gently. "I mean, if you can go again-"

"Yeah," he chuckled breathlessly. "Yeah. Just give me a minute."

"Alright."

You got up from the bed to rummage through your bedside table for condoms. You placed them by your pillow. When you turned, you found Carmy with his eyes closed, his brow furrowed, one hand caressing his neck and one on his crotch, moaning softly. It was the hottest thing you had ever seen. You got back on the bed in front of him, and reached for the closure of his trousers. He stopped abruptly.

"Shhh," you soothed. "Keep going. I'm only taking these off."

"Thanks," he replied.

You took his trousers and boxer briefs off, trying your best to not stop his rhythm. He took his cock in his hand and started caressing the head.

"You look so fucking hot, Carmy." He let out a chuckle and picked up a little speed. "Can I help?" you asked after a while.

"You don't have to-"

"I want to," you said. You moved to kneel beside him and started kissing his neck, mirroring his hand on the other side. Then, you pulled on the hair on his nape. You could feel the vibrations on his throat when he moaned.

"So nice," he said softly.

"What else? Tell me what you'd like me to do."

"Just touch me, please," he echoed your reply from before.

You did. Over his chest, flicking at his nipples, down his stomach following the trail of hair and back up, your nails leaving red lines in their wake. Carmy was already hard again but you still wanted to give him pleasure, so you put your hand next to his on his cock and he groaned.

"Slow, please," he begged.

You moved on the bed until you were between his muscular thighs.

"Let me know if you want me to stop," you said right before you kissed the tip of his cock and made him growl.

You left small pecks wherever his hand couldn't reach - the inside of his thighs, the curls under his navel, and his head again. Then, you licked along his shaft.

"Stop," he pleaded, the veins on his throat were bulging, his hand had stilled completely. "I still want to fuck you."

"Okay," you cupped his face tenderly. There was something vulnerable about him that you had only seen a couple of times. "Had you imagined anything?"

"Uh, not really," he hesitated. "Just you. I want to see you."

"We could do it like this," you proposed, nudging his legs close so that you could straddle him. He was still leaning against the headboard. "Either you or I can take over, so-" you let it float, the reassurance that you were there for him but he could do as much as he was comfortable with.

"Yeah. Sounds- sounds great," he ran his hands over your bare back.

You reached out for the condom beside him.

"May I?" you touched his thigh reassuringly. He nodded. "So, opening these with your teeth looks sexy but it's dumb as fuck because you can break it," you explained, maneuvering the wrapper carefully. Then, you rolled it over his length, his head tilting back with a moan. "There's flavored shit, and textured ones. We can try some later, if you want."

"Later," he smiled, the idea of more nights together but also the need he had for you right now - his pupils were blown.

So you got closer, hovering just above his cock.

"You can use lube too," you whispered. "But I'm soaking for you," Carmy groaned, "so we won't need that right now."

You lined him up to your entrance and lowered yourself slowly, your hands holding his shoulders for support. He felt so right inside of you, filling you up, hurting just enough. His jaw went slack as you took him completely.

"Holy fucking shit," he cursed, head tilted back, exposing his neck so you could lick up and kiss his Adam's apple. He tasted like sweat and sex. "You're killing me."

You grinned devilishly. "I'll start slow."

You started riding him, the pace was almost gentle. He buried his face between your breasts and held you close. You felt safe, cared for, adored. Was this what lovemaking felt like?

Carmy started to leave sloppy kisses on your skin, using his teeth in some of them. You started picking up speed, holding tight to the back of his neck.

"You feel perfect," Carmy said against your skin. "Fucking perfect."

You moaned in response, it sounded whiny and desperate. He seemed to love it, trying to make you repeat that sound by kissing your nipples and touching your clit.

"Jesus, Carmy."

You didn't know how long you'd be able to keep the frantic rhythm you had set, your legs were already shaking. Feeling you falter, he started fucking into you, hard thrusts that hit you just right and made you scream. He stopped.

"Are you okay?" he asked, mortified.

"I'm fine, Carmy, I swear. Please, please, keep fucking me," you begged. And he did. And you were becoming more of a mess as he did.

"You're doing so good, Carm. So fucking good. You feel-" you let sweet nothings burst out of your lips. It made him go faster and harder. You wouldn't last long.

"I'm- Carmy, I'm going to come," you mumbled.

"Look at me, please," he ran his hands over your spine, soothing even as he fucked you. His blue eyes searched for yours. "Look at me."

You held his gaze as long as you could, your nails digging into his shoulders and every thrust making it harder to think. All of a sudden, you went slack and fell on him, trembling with pleasure, and seeing stars. A few more thrusts and he came too, biting on your shoulder to drown a scream. You stayed there, breathing hard for a little while.

"Is it always like that?" he asked. His voice was hoarse and his hair was wet with sweat.

"No," you replied. "No, it isn't."

"Good to know," he quipped and you laughed. You untangled yourself from Carmy, leaning back to see him, his droopy eyes and blissful face.

"Fuck," he said. "You are so beautiful."

You traced the curve of his nose with your finger. "Right back at you."

[Part 2]

[alixinwwonderland]

@wonderlandleighleigh requested a follow-up for this fic, so here we go, just in time for whatever the hell 501-503 throws at us.

If you’ve been steering clear of season 5 reviews and spoilers, do not keep reading!

Midge isn’t sure whether she’s thrilled or furious when Dinah informs her that Lenny is, in fact, back in town and has been for a little while.

What she is sure of, however, is that whatever she saw in Susie’s office still has her severely freaked out, and that dominant emotion is what sends her to a club one night. When she walks in, she notes with concern the shabbiness of the chairs, the scuffed floors, the less-than-clean smells. It’s not a dive, exactly, but it’s certainly not Carnegie Hall, and it’s a little too close for comfort to a not-quite-a-memory that’s been roiling through her head since that day in Susie’s office.

She settles in, far enough from the stage that she feels confident she won’t be seen until she wants to be.

Lenny’s great (what else is new), but there’s something frenetic and almost jumpy about him that worries her. When his set is over, she has almost no time to plan her next move because there he is, appearing right in front of her.

“How’d you know i was here?” she asks, genuinely baffled this time.

He shrugs.

“I got your pigeon?” Off her glare, he amends, “I heard your laugh,” and her heart does that annoying leap it has taken to doing around him ever since he leaned against a hotel bar in miami and complimented her dick jokes.

Something in her face must give her away, though, because the smirk fades and is replaced by something more like concern.

“I can go, if you don’t want to-” He’s cut off by her grabbing his jacket cuff, an anchor to keep him there and to remind herself that he is, in fact, right there and not a ghost or a memory that will slip through her fingers at any second.

He studies her again.

“Midge? Everything okay?” And everything is very much, not okay, and she suddenly finds herself at a loss for words. She’s only able to shake her head. Instantly, her hand is enveloped in his, and he’s steering her out of the club and into a quiet alley, where the bite of the night air helps her shake off the cloud of terror that’s been following her around.

She looks at him.

“If I tell you something, promise me you won’t think I’m crazy,” she says. The two of them have always had that ability to be on each other’s wavelengths - it’s what’s made them so good at trading banter and building on each other’s jokes, but it’s also what has allowed them to both realize when there’s nothing to laugh at. And, thank god, Lenny seems to understand that this is one of those times, and simply nods, leaning back against the brick wall without taking his eyes off of her.

Midge takes a deep breath, then lets it out.

As the story flows out of her, she watches him closely. To his credit, he does little to give his reactions away, but somewhere along the line, she learned to read him as well as he can read her. She notes the twitch of humor in the corner of his mouth when she rattles off the famous men she married and divorced (and jilted). She sees his jaw clench just a little when she admits how she and Joel could never quite fucking let go of the past. She sees his eyes soften in sympathy when she chokes up as she narrates what happened with her kids, and worst of all, with Susie.

Then her vision goes dark as she finds her face pressed into dark fabric, his arms wrapping around her and his hand gently stroking her hair as she cries.

“And now you probably think I’m completely fucking crazy, and I’m just...” she loses the end of her sentence in another sob, and Lenny just chuckles softly.

“Sweetheart,” he says, the term of endearment tripping off his tongue so naturally, it’s as if he’s been saying it forever, “I already knew you were a little crazy. The best people all are.”

And that, at least, gets a wet giggle out of her, and she pulls back, trying in vain to restore some sense of dignity.

“At the risk of sounding self-serving, uh...” Lenny flounders. “Can I inquire as to where...”

Midge looks up to meet his eyes, and his mouth snaps shut.

“Ah. I see,” he says. “I suppose that’s not surprising. Can I ask-”

“August. ‘66.” she says, and they’re quiet for a minute. “I don’t meant to-”

“To... what?” he asks. She shrugs.

“I... I heard what you said. At Carnegie Hall. I don’t want you to think I pity you, or I’m trying to fix you, I don’t want you to-”

“You don’t want me to... what?”

“I don’t want you to... You know. Feel pressured to do something, or not do something, because some crazy lady told you that a magician gave her a vision of the future.”

Lenny rubs a hand over his face, and Midge is suddenly struck by how tired he looks.

“Well, it’s a moot point anyway,” he says. “Because I already did something - or decided not to do something for a change - because some very funny lady looked very sad and that just about broke what’s left of this shriveled organ I call a heart.”

She looks up at him.

“Do not mother me,” he says in warning. “I meant what I said. I don’t want your pity. Fix you, and let me worry about me while I do this.”

“I’m always going to worry about you, haven’t you figured that out by now?” Midge replies instantly, and despite the lightness of tone, there’s a truth there that earns a tired but real smile from him.

“So does this mean you believe me?” she asks. He shrugs.

“The way I see it, it doesn’t matter if Susie’s little weirdo actually did magic or if it all was in your head. You got a glimpse-”

“More than a fucking glimpse,” she mutters.

“-A look,” he amends, “Of a future you didn’t like very much. Right?”

Midge nods.

“Okay then. So then, do things differently.”

“You make it sound so easy,” she says, a little petulance in her voice that makes Lenny grin.

“You seem very stressed right now, so I won’t make the ‘easy’ joke that just sprung to mind,” he quips. It’s Midge’s turn to shrug.

“I wouldn’t mind. I probably thought of the same one.”

Lenny smiles at her.

“Drinks?” he asks. “That’s one vice they’ll have to pry from my cold dead hands.” Off Midge’s look, his face falls. “Sorry, I didn’t-”

“Drinks would be nice,” she says, and as they walk, she slips an arm through his.

postscript: one week later

"Midge! What can i do for you?” Gordon asks as Midge flounces into his office.

“So, here’s the deal, Gordon, and I want to make this very clear,” she says, sitting neatly on the chair across from his desk. “I am never, ever, under any circumstances, in this life or any other, going to sleep with you. I don’t care what arrangement you and Hedy have. But it is never going to involve me.”

Gordon’s mouth drops open.

“We’ve got two options, now.” She leans forward. “One: you get over your habit of thinking with your dick, realize that I’m actually really fucking funny, and let me do what I’m good at. Or, two - I walk right out that door and I don’t come back, and the next time you see me will be sending the ratings skyrocketing for Jack -”

“Don’t say it,” he grits. Midge smiles beatifically.

“So, option one, then?” she says, sweet as pie, and oh, this future is going to be fun.

[lboogie1906]

Thomas Mikal Ford (September 5, 1964 – October 12, 2016) was an actor and comedian. He was known for his role as Thomas “Tommy” Strawn on Martin. He had a recurring role as Mel Parker in The Parkers. He was known for his role as Lt. Malcolm Barker on New York Undercover.

He was born in Los Angeles and raised in Long Beach. His mother worked as a school secretary and his father as a pipe fitter. He wanted to be a preacher. When he took drama lessons and started acting in high school plays, he decided to go into acting instead. After earning an AA from Long Beach City College, transferred to USC, where he graduated with a BFA in acting.

He received an NAACP Image Awards nomination in the category of Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series.

He played Ben Cummings in The Power of Passion as one of the characters whose wife cheats on him with the pastor. He was known as “The Pope of Comedy”, due to exposure as a judge on Bill Bellamy’s Who’s Got Jokes? In feature films, he appeared in Class Act and Harlem Nights, and he played Tommy Smalls. He was seen in Against the Law.

He directed and produced the play South of Where We Live. The play was performed at the Los Angeles Ebony Showcase Theatre. He directed the play Jonin”.

He co-hosted the Texas Gospel Music Awards. He founded a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization called Be Still and Know.

He wrote two inspirational books for children, titled Positive Attitude and I Am Responsible for Me. He spent time traveling to schools to inspire and empower children and encourage responsibility. He directed a documentary on bullying, entitled Through My Lens Atl. He was married to Gina Sasso (1997-2014). They had two children. He moved from Los Angeles to Kendall, Florida around 2001. In 2015, he moved to Atlanta where he lived with his girlfriend Viviane Brazil. #africanhistory365 #africanexcellence

[catb-fics]

one of the only tagged photos larry left up is him with a shirt that reads 501 so i'm gonna be delusional and say the single will be out this friday (05/01) 🤪 in all seriousness though i feel it's soon! about to recreate that "anyone wanna fall in love in october" meme with all the months crossed out but for when they release new music lmao also happy new year, my love! 💜

Hello lovely happy new year to you too 💜

Well, Longshot was released the first Friday in January 2019…

Don’t joke about that meme I am so tempted to start a post with every Friday in 2024 listed so we can count down like the crazies we are 😆

I think we need to place bets though. You’ve got Friday 5th Jan, I’m gonna go with Friday 9th February just in time for Valentines Day!

Anybody else want to place a bet?

[figgiforever]

OC alphabet soup:

Some special characters: Q, V, Z, Y, W, X

I checked my notebooks and with surprise (positive) I realised that I have characters for all these letters! All of them are part of Figgiverse. Let's meet them :)

Qeila "Killer" Sichan - [I have mixed feelings about her and she might change in the future but I'll tell you what I have so far about her] Human female. Long, straight, black hair braided in small braids. Many piercings and tattoos. Hourglass body type, thin waist, generously curved hips and chest; she knows how attractive her body is and uses it to her advantage. She's not interested in stable relationships. More importantly, she's also an independent, strong woman. She runs her own mechanical workshop and is so good that Tiggi often uses her services even though Qeila flirts with all of her subordinates (at that time Tiggi serves in Special Ops and leads a small team of clones). I don't know if I'll keep this part but I thought that she would marry Mereel. Just imagine these two flirting with each other shamelessly causing a headaches to everybody in Kyrimorut and then everyone's surprise when they decided to stabilize their lifes and get married. (Fi would have to collect Tiggi's jaw off the floor) They would have 6 extremly pretty, strong and confident daughters.

Viriam Padé - Half mirialan half human female. Her family didn't accept her human side so only her Mirialan side is tattooed (in her case the border between two types of skins divides her body almost perfectly into two sides - human on left and Mirialan on right) so she paints one half of her face to make it fit the other one. She always felt like an outcast until she met a young Jedi - half Togrutan half human - called Tigg and found a new home among Skirata clan. Tigg is a son of clone commando Dev from Yayax squad and Gok'kie, Tiggi's favourite older sister. He's named after Tiggi, obviously. They met accidentally (or by the will of the Force) during one of his missions. Many members of Skirata clan joked that there is a romance sparkling between these two but they stayed friends. Tigg was devoted to Jedi Order and he decided to not start his own family (at this point in Figgiverse Jedi are allowed to be in a relationships but most of them decided to stay unmarried, because it's hard to be a good partner, parent and Jedi at the same time; Tiggi admits that too).

Vuun "Iridia" Kirti - Jedi Knight, Zabrak female. She was given nickname "Iridia" because as a kid she was quite conceited and proud that she is from Iridonia and not Dathomira. As an adult she is composed, scrupulous, disciplined, obedient and a bit rough, especially towards men. There is a childhood trauma behind that. Not many know about this story but Tiggi does (she know many things but mostly keeps them for herself). Once during Clone Wars Iridia has been sent to 501. Legion for inspection, just a regular check-out of the state of the army (and Anakin's competence by the way). Only Dogma was happy about this. Until he realised he fell for this "colder than stones on Orto Plutonia" (as Lio stated) woman. He shouldn't feel attracted towards the Jedi officer and feels very conflicted about this. Fortunately or not Iridia leaves soon. I didn't decide yet how exactly but they will meet again, Dogma will save her during Order 66 and after the war they will get married. I already designed a son for them and I need him in the story in the future so it's sealed, they'll be together, that's their destiny :)

Zijka - light pink Twi'lek female. Tiggi's younger "sister" (another orphan from Coruscant Underworld; she didn't grew up with Tiggi but with the rest of her "siblings" who stayed there). As a kid she got badly hurt - both of her lekku got caught off. She's been outcasted for that and Dewrec took care of her, like he did with Tiggi and other orphans. Zijka was six at that point. It happend shortly after Tiggi left to join Jedi Order. During Clone Wars Zijka has a boyfriend that breaks up with every now and then but she always comes back to him because she's afraid nobody else will ever love her because of her scars. And because she is blindly in love with him. Her siblings try to persuade her out of this toxic relationship but she doesn't listen. It starts to irritate others because she never does her chores - she's either busy preparing for a date with her beloved or crying and depressed because he left her again. She also befriended Laseema at some point before the war so during Triple Zero events Tiggi already knew her through the sister. She also asked Laseema to help them and talk with Zijka. Eventually she manages to end with that toxic relationships. Close to the end of the war she even finds someone more worthy of her love who accepts her as she is... a clone trooper :)

Werda - Etain and Darman's second child, Force sensitive female. More similar to her mother but has black hair and brown eyes. Quiet, composed but deadly mandalorian warrior. As stated in book they planned a second child somewhere close to the end of the Clone Wars. In Figgiverse they decided to wait until they their new life in Kyrimorut gets more stabilized. Besides they already had many poeple to feed and weren't fully independent from outside sources of food. Also other couples wanted to start their own families too. Etain and Darman decided to not be selfish and wait. Which is why Werda was born in 13 BBY. She was always fond of Aku which she showed by throwing her toys at him. After he joined Empire and later came back home she greeted him by standing menacingly at the door in silence, he tried to explain but she rushed to him, kissed him on the lips then punched for leaving her without word. Later they got married and had a daughter named Kebii'tra. She gave him as many troubles as he gave Tiggi but she always obeyed Werda.

Worthy - a clone trooper Tiggi and her squad met during Clone Wars. His battalion got stuck in jungle and thought that their Jedi general left them there. Because of that they were hostile towards Tiggi (or any Jedi that would show up). [insert a scene similar to Order 66 here but with Tiggi]. Fortunately her team assured the suspicious lost soldiers that she is trustworthy. It took them long time to allow her in their camp. During their first shared meal she met Worthy, without a name at that time. She proposed him that name but he refused. He didn't feel worthy of it. Later he got sick but his brothers didn't allow Tiggi to heal him until last minute. She saved him with the Force but it was so exhausting she lost consciousness. Lio was mad at them for not allowing her to do it earlier when it would be easier. He also explained to the healed soldier why she sacrificed herself like this - because he was worth it. After that he took the name she gave him.

Heh, it got too long so I'll put the second part in the reblog.

[uglyshirtsinc]

Idea 3: Pizzaplex is an engineering disaster waiting to happen.

An idea that I don't see brought up at all, is the idea that the Pizzaplex is not constructed well.

Remember in FNAF 6 when the tutorial unit said this?

"There may be times when you purchase something of questionable quality, and we don't blame you. Cutting corners is just good business."

Keep this statement in mind while I bring up my next point. As someone who's taken an engineering class, when you are constructing a building, there are a VERY large number of codes (rules) that you need to follow for every conceivable part of it.

Fazbear Entertainment would probably find it a lot cheaper just to pay off the people inspecting the plex than to actually put money into making sure everything is up to code.

They would also try to construct the building as cheaply as possible, trying to "cut corners" wherever they could. They use substandard materials and contractors that don't double-check their work. They built the mall itself over the subterranean remains of their old restaurant, despite this making the ground very unstable.

This all works in my mind because Fazbear Entertainment has been proven to follow the "be as cheap as possible" and "maximize profits by any means necessary" approaches many times in the past.

Here is just one example of a code being violated, according to Section 1006.2.1.1 of Utah Building Codes, "Three exits or exit access doorways shall be provided from any space with an occupant load of 501 to 1,000. Four exits or exit access doorways shall be provided from any space with an occupant load greater than 1,000." We only see 2 public exits in the game, and the Pizzaplex likely holds well over a thousand people at any one time. What's worse is that one of the exits, the only one designated for emergencies, requires a VIP pass in order to be used.

If Fazbear Entertainment is willing to do this to cut costs, who knows what else they have done?

It's why, in my mind, I don't have Gregory live at the pizzaplex after the 3-star ending. Freddy would calculate that it is statistically safer for Gregory to live in his box than at the plex. He instead lives with Vanessa, creating opportunities for them to grow closer.

BTW This has happened in real life, even down to the shoddy construction and profit maximization. It was the Sampoong Department store collapse. Link

first off, idea 2 might have gotten eaten by the tumblr gods so uh- you might wanna resend me that one-

rather than respond all in one go ill just respond as i read so you see my real time thoughts but all of that is under the read more cut because not everyone wants to see my late night rants

literally anything said by tutorial unit in fnaf 6 gave me trust issues that lil shit taught me that it wasnt just ha ha silly, no some businesses DO actually do that. i also relearned that during my food handlers permit test and honestly it makes the fnaf games food storing conditions a thousand times scarier imo. forget the literal child murder or possessed robots, it's unsanitary kitchen environments that rattle my bones!

so what im hearing is fazbear entertainment is committing OSCHA violations? them and every after school theater group lmao

THE PARAGRAPH ABOVE IS A JOKE I DIDNT EXPECT TO SCROLL AND SEE THE ACTUAL VIOLATION BE LISTED I SPIT MY SODA LAUGHING- YOU PULLED UP THE UTAH BUILDING CODES TOO THIS HAS GOT TO BE ONE OF MY NEW FAVORITE ASKS TO EVER RECIEVE THAT IS PURE DEDICATION

the sentence "safer in a box" both disturbs me and makes complete sense. it's definitely the lesser of two evils, but i can hate both evils equally!

[the-director]

I posted 10,036 times in 2022

That's 99 more posts than 2021!

81 posts created (1%)

9,955 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@salad-says-hi

@artistically-gay

@jonah2145

@wizardhimbo

@goopy-amethyst

I tagged 2,891 of my posts in 2022

#art - 501 posts

#video - 227 posts

#gif - 135 posts

#encanto - 127 posts

#toh - 115 posts

#mash 4077 - 108 posts

#favorite tag - 93 posts

#dc - 83 posts

#ofmd - 82 posts

#tma - 68 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#literally the only reason why its conveyed so plainly on the internet is because on the internet theres all kinds of people! strangers you d

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I hate the mcu so much I hate it so fucking much. Why did they remove such an important part of Bruce banners backstory. Why did they take planet hulk, a great comic storyline and turn it into ragnorak. Like that movie was good but why on earth would you take that specific storyline for that movie it doesn't make any fucking sense. Why make peter Parker and remove the things that make him spiderman (Uncle Ben, being poor) and turn him into ironmans Robin. (Actually I know why, cuz of that sony bullshit)

I hate the mcu it's a soulless cash grab and every time it actually has artistic direction the movie gets fucked over by producers and the fact the cgi people aren't union and are overworked and underpaid and I want capitalism to die I want Mickey's head on a fucking pike.

16 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

#4

With every book of dune the impact of Lady Jessica fucking off from the bene gesserit to be with Duke leto and giving birth to Paul increases. Like the first book is like: oh well Paul defeated the harkonnens so the whole prophecy thing isn't so bad. And then you get to God emperor and it's like fucking leto had to sacrifice his life for that bullshit and the whole bunch of ghola Duncan's got fucked over and like. Lady jessicas decision changed the fucking course of history forever.

18 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

#3

It's just really astounding how good arcane was with demonstrating how the conditions in the undercity affects each of the characters who lived there. Either from viktors lungs being fucked up from the pollution, to vi having so much pressure being put on her to be the leader and then being put in jail unjustly, like so much of the struggles of these characters simply have to do with trying to survive and live in the terrible conditions, to try and have a life. But then we cut to piltover and the only thing concerning the characters we see are their own ambitions, their whole "making piltover the symbol of progress" ignoring the potential of the undercity and looking towards technology as if that is the only thing that can be advanced in society. And of course it is natural for characters to have goals and ambitions of a more personal grandiose nature, but it is striking, piltover residents have the luxury of a future set in front of them, the only risk is what avenue it goes down. For people from the undercity the future isn't promised.

23 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

#2

Due to my being aro and [insert neurodivergency here] I can't tell when characters fall in love, nor see their supposed "chemistry". Most of the time this is the case, though sometimes the writing is good enough that I can see the love (romantic, platonic, queer platonic, etc)

These include

Three thousand years of longing (the new movie by george miller). The story was about love and loss and other things and throughout the movie there was various cues in body language and other framing devices that made it easy for me to tell that love was happening.

Ofmd, when its queer it just hits different. It hits harder.

Good omens. It's inexplicable.

The sandman, the romance is past tense but I can perceive it was once there and passionate and now it is cooled and withered.

The exact opposite of all of these are what we do in shadows. I know it's a comedy, I know it's romantic. Logically I know they're all gay for eachother. Logically I know that jokes happen. Nonetheless I am unable to perceive these things happening. Wwdits is in shrimp colors and I am a mere human.

69 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I find it odd how some in the sandman fandom make Hob Gadling out to be the embodiment of goodness. The point of him is that he is human. yes he loves life, so much so that he doesn’t die. But he still falls into the traps of human cruelty. He has human greatness and kindness. But he also has human flaws and ignoring that would be missing the point of him

1,632 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[eldrai]

I posted 3,472 times in 2022

That's 2,012 more posts than 2021!

353 posts created (10%)

3,119 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jaspxr

@spacecowboyhotch

@masterwords

@maschotch

@its-the-autism-innit-luv

I tagged 1,701 of my posts in 2022

#hotch - 501 posts

#cm - 456 posts

#eldrai.txt - 248 posts

#favourite - 190 posts

#gifs - 151 posts

#morgan - 129 posts

#pretty - 110 posts

#cm fanfic - 101 posts

#ibs shit - 66 posts

#hotchgan - 55 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#that exact expression immediately precedes someone saying a really bitchy thing but polite enough that it takes you a minute to figure out

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Could you write autistic Hotch who hides his autistic traits and gets confused when Spencer joins his team and does not do that one bit as in he is barely masking around his new colleagues?

Thank you in advance, no problem if not!!💗

Can you write autistic Hotch - yes, yes I could. Thank you for the prompt, it was fun to write!!

3.8k (somehow). There's some unintentionally ableist comments and internalised ableism in here, about what you'd expect from the prompt. But otherwise, enjoy a dash of mild angst for Reid & Hotch.

ao3 here

Spencer Reid is most definitely something.

He hadn’t wanted to presume and, as Jason hadn’t elaborated other than the man being a genius, hadn’t asked. The flustered manner in most conversations can easily be a result of being fast-tracked through school; the confidence overwriting it when he begins to talk about a subject that interests him – Aaron’s quickly realising that constitutes most topics – is hardly irrational. Keen to prove his worth, no doubt exacerbated by his young age, Reid’s eager to make a good impression.

The exaggerated edge to his facial expressions and the little movements Reid’s forever engaged in – never can he sling his bag over his shoulder without fiddling with the strap, nor sit straight on a chair without spinning, and that’s what Aaron has picked up on just a fortnight in – are harder to explain without wishful thinking. Sure, maybe he’s anxious and it’s the accumulation of nervous energy and Aaron is overthinking it here. It wouldn’t be the first time.

The signs start to really stack up after they’ve been on their first few cases with him. Reid misses the sideways glances from the others when he’s been speaking for a long time. Jokes go over his head, not all the time but enough for Aaron to notice. He catches himself focusing on Reid and kicks himself each time. Reid is eccentric because he’s a genius. He talks so much because he knows so much and talking with his hands is simply a product of trying to get it all out so fast.

There’s nothing more to it and, frankly, he can’t help but feel a little guilty for considering it; it’s not his business. Aaron has almost convinced himself of this by the time an unsub mentions the autistic leanings of Dr. Spencer Reid.

The insult (as it undeniably is) isn’t even directed at him but Aaron’s heart skips a beat. Not a good thing to be called in front of everyone. Reid frowns. As soon as he notices Aaron looking at him he dips his head and breaks the eye contact, staring down at the pencil he’s spinning in his hands. Embarrassed is his best guess.

And it begs the question whether that’s because he isn’t autistic or because he is.

As he watches the team carefully for any kind of disdain, disgust, Aaron pushes the question to the back of his mind and focuses on the case. They have an unsub to catch and a teenage girl to find—the rest is secondary.

Jason hangs up on the man and from there things are a practiced blur.

“…think he is?” JJ says.

“Nah, he’s awkward,” Derek says. “He’s a genius, he’s bound to be a little out there.”

Aaron moves to let a local officer through the door and stays where he is, barely within earshot. There’s a quiet unease in his chest.

“Would he—” Elle hesitates. “Would he still have a 187 IQ if he was?”

Why would it matter?

Derek shrugs. “They say it’s the brain wired differently. He’d still be like that, just more different.”

“Shyer doesn’t even know him,” JJ says. “And he can’t be, anyway.”

“Why not?”

“You’ve seen how much he feels things.”

Well.

At least it’s not intended maliciously, though the intent does little to dull the sting. It’s a shame he can’t correct them, not without coming across as suspiciously defensive. Aaron puts his hands in his pockets and goes to find Jason; if anyone does know, it’ll be him. The conversation quiets down as he walks past and he doesn’t care to stick around to hear if they continue.

-

They continue. They’ve at least got the grace to wait for Reid to fall asleep – Aaron’s almost certain he’s genuinely asleep – before they pick it up again.

“How are you supposed to profile if you don’t understand facial expressions?” Derek says. “It doesn’t even make sense for him to think that.”

You learn, Aaron doesn’t say, because you’re neither clueless nor able to survive without learning. Instead he tries to blot out their discussion as he works on the paperwork. The jet’s a privilege, yes. It’s also very small.

“It would explain why he reads so much,” Elle says.

See the full post

129 notes - Posted July 26, 2022

#4

Can we as a fandom stop infantilising an autistic adult man with multiple PhDs please and thank you.

188 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

#3

BAU screenshots as ao3 tags (but mostly Hotch and Morgan)

screenshot credits @maschotch + @masterwords

See the full post

199 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

#2

Derek, during a case: Well, you're the Catholic who knows all about the weird religious days.

Hotch, defensively: I'm not a Catholic!

Hotch: I grew up in a Catholic area, my dad was raised Catholic, and I talk about guilt a lot to my therapist.

Hotch: It's close to being Catholic but not quite.

Source: many a true nerd livestream (27:00)

211 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The BAU as types of fanfic writers

Reid  – incredibly accurate AUs. All kinds, from mythology to historical. This guy knows what he’s talking about. You come away from his fics feeling like you’ve learnt something. Drops fun facts in the ending notes and comments.

Morgan – the single most amazing fic you’ve read in your fandom. It’s got everything. Perfect dialogue, perfect characterization, perfect grammar and all your favourite tropes. The only other fics on his profile are Men’s Hockey RPFs.

Garcia – makes use of the tooth-rotting fluff tag. So sweet. These are the kind of fics you go to when you need cheering up. Ends all her comment replies with <3 and reminds you to drink water and take your meds in the end note.

Hotch – 400K+ incredibly detailed and meticulously planned longfic. Every loose end is tied up and not a single word wasted. The twists make sense but you never see them coming on your first read through. Better than some novels. Goes on an unexpected hiatus and returns six months later with an author’s note apologising for the absence because his wife died and he got stabbed. Does not elaborate.

Prentiss – WLW ships. Everything from fluff to smut. All stunning oneshots. Posts rarely but you get excited every time you get that email.

JJ – follows canon and usually writes the canon F/M ship slice-of-life. Any angst is mild. Her fics are similar but reliable and if you don’t know what to read, you usually end up rereading one of hers.

Gideon – crack and bizarre AUs which shouldn’t work, but somehow do.

Seaver – posts the best F/F fluff fic you’ve ever read and posts nothing else. Her profile is a dead end. You hope she’ll post again but when you check her profile, you don’t really expect there to be anything new.

credit to @chaotic-librarian for Seaver

530 notes - Posted August 14, 2022

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[androfergiespaces]

Venice Beach Persian Rug Repa

https://www.youtube.com/embed/J_kWgs5GrjQ

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[alsjeblieft-zeg]

501 of 2023

You are a blonde Youre parents are divorced Youre closer to your dad you have one sibling SHE is younger than you You are on here late at night It is because you have nothing else to do you cannot drive yet your dream car is a slugbug you play sports that main sport is volleyball but you played tons of sports as a young child you are smart your favorite kind of food is chinease but you cannot pick a single food item as your favorite You own pets they are dogs and cats you prefer cats, however you like to exercise but dont like to run you love little children as long as you dont have to live with them you still love little kid cartoons you love romantic comedies you have a dirty mind your favorite kind of music is rock you are a casual dresser you rarely start thiings and dont finish them you’ve seen the new spiderman movie and loved it you are not the most popular person you have a small group of close friends you dont shop at name brand stores (aka hollister and pacsun) your favorite kind of chocolate is milk you hate sweet pickles you love homemade mac and cheese your dad doesn’t cook much/well your room isnt very decorated you are moving soon you are laying in your bed with your laptop right now some of your relatives are in town you have young cousins (6 or younger) you used to play the piano you recently went on a class trip to washington dc/new york/ gettysburg you live in colorado you love the color blue you also love long quizzes but not 200 questions long you are a female you hate sexist jokes of any kind you dont want to have a big, fancy house you would rather live in the suburbs than the city you throw your clothes on the floor rather than in the laundry baskets you use your sibling to grab your stuff when youre to lazy to grab it you wouldnt go to a dinner place by yourself you have recently realized your friend was a not so good person and now youre questioning your other friends you would rather take a survey than make one and you love these “are you like me” surveys you have seen all 6 seasons of lost and all 6 seasons of psych you have pictures hanging up in your room you have an american flag in your room you hate it when people disrespect your countries flag youre now done with this quiz :)

[furmity]

The luxuries of my palace

I stayed for a month in a strange Queensland caravan park community. Full of dirty fake hippies, and no cleaning done on the weekends, it is a relief to be in my own home where I know everyone washes their hands and I don't have to wear thongs (flip flops) in the shower. I can leave my toothbrush and shampoo in the bathroom, where they belong. I wont forget my soap. I have a bathtub and a jar of flower salts...

Imagine my surprise when I was told I'd be sharing a caravan with a 45 year old man.... A tortured artist and filmmaker who described his AI art of Japanese girls as the only art he didn't "bleed for" 🙄: the first impression was grim. He actually knew a lot about wildlife, was well- travelled, and rolled these extra- long joints, so in the end we got on fine. I was strictly celebate but have come home with rather less underwear than I brought. Best not to dwell on that... I can get some new lovely frivolous things to replace them....

I packed well but I've been wearing the same three outfits all this time. How nice to have the rest of my wardrobe again, a change of shoes. I lost one of my favourite earrings somewhere in Granite Gorge among the rock wallabies, but we joked that a hippy would find it and put it in their dreads, so the cycle of life continues...

My beloved cleaned and put the good sheets on the bed for my return. There were flowers in the room. My dressing gown, scented candles, drawers...

The Dutchman had received a bottle of French champagne through work and offered it to me. It's now stashed in the fridge awaiting an occasion...

I had also ordered a sample of Jardins d'Armide before I left, drawn in by its rave reviews and romantic description. I have been wearing Bon Parfumeur's 501 for a while to see if I'm a gourmand girlie, which is nice but gives my partner a headache if he's in the room for the spritzing. A dab of Spiritual Sky's Night Queen on the road got me reading about synthetic musks and that explains that.

The powdery opening reminds me of my Lolita Lempicka days, and makes me feel like some other character. Once that settles it is positively carmel- filled on my skin. Violet is a known wonder for my chemistry, I turned even the staff's heads when I tried on Lush's Kerbside Violet. Very little rose, but orange blossom and something very fresh gradually emerges. It's different every time I smell it, quite the journey.

Sweety approves. I thought I'd receive a little peel- pack but am delighted to have a small phial. I cannot afford to make this my regular perfume, but Fragrantica suggests Maria Candida Gentile's Burlesque as being similar, and with the myrrh incense notes that I adore. (But if anyone knows, a review said civet... it's all natural, can't be having real civet! It's not mentioned anywhere else)...

I'd bet the value of the bottle that I'll like it. We'll wait and see from within my Jardins d'Armide cloud... Enjoying all the comforts of home.

[destinyimage]

Voodoo Demons Attack Man After Coming Back From Heaven

New Zealand native Ian McCormack was in his late twenties and living a carefree surfing lifestyle in some of the most beautiful places on the planet.

One fateful night in 1982 he was night diving for lobster off the island of Mauritius when he was stung by five box jellyfish, one of the most venomous creatures in the world. A sting from a single box jellyfish can kill a person in under five minutes. Getting stung by five should have been beyond lethal.

After seeing Jesus in Heaven, Ian woke up in the morgue and walked out of the hospital. But his story didn’t stop there—demons were about to torment him and try to possess him.

Ian’s Story

We went back into the village that night. I went to sleep and woke up as though something had spooked me. Something was freaking me out. I was deeply at peace, but my body was shivering. I rolled over and looked out the window and saw seven people gawking at me. I thought, Why have we got people flipping, coming to see the blinking jellyfish, whatever, and why are they staring and lurking outside my bedroom? But then as I looked, I realized that they had a human form but they were shadowed, dark, spiritual beings. When I looked at their eyes, I could see their eyes did not have round pupils. They were slits like you would see on a serpent.

And I was thinking, What the heck is that? And then as I looked at them, they spoke to me and said, “You are ours and we are coming home.” I was thinking, You must be flipping joking, coming home? I had no point of reference for when Jesus said an unclean spirit goes out of a man and finds six or seven worse in a dry, barren place and tries to come back into the house that has been swept clean so they can try to inhabit it. At that moment I was having a firsthand introduction to spiritual warfare 501, you know, instantly. I was seeing with my eyes that were now open to the supernatural and the spiritual realm. I was in a village that was full of voodoo. I had been places where they do evil things; I could sometimes feel it, but I had never seen it. It was much scarier when you think that you potentially had one of those evil things inside of you.

But of course, when you die, your spirit leaves. Why hang around the corpse? Go find some other poor soul. The Scriptures say they seek a place of rest. I turned the lights on and started freaking out. I wondered if I was going mental. Was I seeing the bogeyman? This seemed so loony tunes. I got to the point where I was sitting on the ground, thinking I had nearly snapped, when God said, “Son, pray the Lord’s Prayer.”

I could not fully remember it, so I walked through my previous experience and thought of the part of the Lord’s Prayer where it says, “Deliver us from evil.” God said, “Pray, deliver us from evil.” So I said, “Now wait, God, I have a bunch of evil. I do not know where the heck they came from, but they are certainly attentive toward me. I do not know what I have done or what I have said, but, God, can you deliver me from the evil that is outside my window? That is just ominous.” I finished praying the whole Lord’s Prayer. I walked through the entire testimony. I remembered the whole thing, and God said, “Okay, son, now you have prayed. Turn the lights out and go to sleep.” I responded, “God, that is easy for You to say; You are up there. I am down here. And I have a pack of whatever they are outside my window. You must be joking.” I sat there and contemplated. I thought, Well, the prayer worked last night. I mean, I went to Heaven. I saw God. Well, why not? Why not? God’s got power over evil. I decided to turn the lights out and wait to see if they would come back. They did not come back. I realized there was power in the Lord’s Prayer.

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So I got up in the morning and wandered down to the kitchen. My Aussie and New Zealand roommates were talking to each other. As they were talking, I could hear four conversations. I could hear what they were saying out of their mouths, but I could also hear what they were thinking about each other. It was not very nice. And as I was observing this, I asked God what this was all about. God responded, “You are seeing people in a new light. You can hear the heart’s intent inside of a person.” One of them turned to me and I could hear what he thought about me. That was a little bit unnerving, and I am not referring to what was coming out of his mouth. So I ducked off and went down to the bedroom and hid for a moment. Thank God for peace and quiet. This sort of thing could drive a person crazy. If you start seeing in the spirit realm, then you start seeing the intent of people’s hearts. I wondered how this all worked.

Later that evening I was woken up in the middle of the night. There were three spiritual entities, which I can only understand to be demons from the Bible, standing in the shape of a human form. If you think they were once angels, I am sure they had some angelic body. Now God had destroyed it. I think Ezekiel 28:18 says that God consumed lucifer and the angelic bodies with fire. So that’s spiritual darkness because we do not fight against flesh and blood. So I was now seeing spiritual beings of darkness, trying to assail me. That freaked me out, so I turned the lights on.

For some reason, they hated the light. I sat down and went through the same experience, and God said, “The Lord’s Prayer saved your life. Deliver us from evil—pray it again.” Bam! I prayed and they were gone. So the next night I woke up. There was a girl I had been trying to move on, a beautiful young Creole girl. She said, “Hey, I want to talk to you.” I was thinking, No, I am not interested in girls. Just leave me alone. She said, “I have got to talk to you. It’s so important.” I walked around the side of the house and opened the door. And here was this young girl and the red spiritual entities that I had seen out of their physical bodies. One of them was inside her. I could see it inside her eyes. She held the door. I could not shut it. Her voice had changed.

So I had this woman speaking with a man’s voice and I was thinking, That is the thing that is in her. What the heck? And it said, “You are coming with us tonight.” I could not physically shut the door. I could not budge it. I could hear someone or something crawling on the edge of the house. And I went, God, help me! The next minute my hand lifted and I said, “In Jesus’s name.” I thought, Did I just say that? And then an invisible fist hit this girl on the chest. Her physical body was thrown through the air and onto the ground. I was going, This is madness! “Jesus” had been a swear word. Now that word had power. I wondered what the heck was going on. That woman had some evil thing in her. She was demonized. I had heard about demonized people going into trances, walking on fire, and hanging from meat hooks. I had seen some of that stuff.

I was beginning to connect the dots and realized this woman must be involved in voodoo. Who knew what she was involved in or what spirit she had gotten involved with. Her body moved like a snake, trying to lunge toward me. I slammed the door shut and was freaking out. I wondered what I had done to cause these spiritual beings to want to take me out. God said, “Well, your sin will find you out: you were willing to try to sleep with that girl. And in this world, if you sleep with one of the local girls, you either marry them or the brothers will kill you.”

That must have been right. I had seen that happen in Thailand. I had seen that in various parts of the world. You touch the locals and you are in trouble, but normally you get away with it when you are a sinner like me. Now, I had just seen God. I was praying every day. The Bible says, let there be no foothold, no sin. That puts the fear of God in most Christians. Do not muck around, you know? So I was standing there thinking I needed to get out of this country.

The next night I saw a spear come through the window. Her boyfriend and brothers were trying to kill me where I slept. I shined the torchlight at them and their eyes were red. And now I had three men with red eyes and the girl whose eyes were red outside my house. I realized that was where some of those flipping demons must have gone. For some reason, they were trying to kill me. And I of course had the name of Jesus and the power of the Lord’s Prayer. I also had a bit of Irish in me, which is called McCormack—a family name that means no fear.

I now understood that the demons cowered back from the light and the prayers.

The Lord had shown me the kingdom of darkness and now I was realizing that that kingdom of darkness rules much of this world. By God’s grace, I was able to get out and make it to Perth; I flew out of there. I met up with my brother and shared my testimony with him and it freaked him out. I slept in his best friend’s bedroom, who was away in Nepal. In the middle of the night, I was attacked by these white-eyed spiritual entities. As I walked around, God showed me that they came out of a Buddha statue that was sitting on the fireplace. I wondered why the white-eyed demons had come out of that idol. It turned out his roommate was studying to be a Nepalese monk and was talking to some guru up in the mountains of Nepal. Previously I had thought Buddhism was quite harmless, but here I was finding that the idols have spiritual entities inside of them and the Bible calls them demons.

Next, I flew home to New Zealand. When I got home, I got a sense of another demonic attack. I said, “God, how do I get rid of them?” Do you know what He said? He told me to read the Bible. He had already told me in the plane; when I asked Him what had happened to me, He said, “You are a reborn Christian.” I said, “I have heard of Catholics, I have heard of Baptists, but what is reborn?” He said, “When you prayed the Lord’s Prayer in the ambulance, you were born again.” And I said, “I do not understand all this.” He said, “If you want to know, read a Bible.” I said, “I do not have one. I have never read one.” He said, “Your dad’s got one.” So I walked into the bedroom and asked my dad. Within six weeks I had read the entire Bible.

There’s More

Read more of Ian’s story and others in Stories of Heaven and the Afterlife.

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[superspunarticle]

Influencer Marketing (or Celebrity Endorsement) for Social Good

Some tips on Video and Content Marketing.

If you haven’t seen this video from Ryan Reynolds and his Wrexham Association Football Club business partner, spend six and and half minutes getting caught up. 

Did it make you smile? Did you learn something new? 

I hope so.

We do a fair amount of influencer marketing work here at Convince & Convert, albeit mostly B2B and with key opinion leaders in the marketing or customer experience space. 

Like this video, we work with clients to create concepts, invite experts to join the effort, script the video delivery, edit the video with post-production refinement, and ultimately drive traffic and interest to the series we’ve partnered to create. 

Having a top star like Ryan Reynolds would be amazing to work with (I chose to think his diva factor is low and his love for his daughters melts me), but even without the A-list name, there are parallels in this video that we can learn and take into B2B content marketing. 

I find this to be an excellent example for applying influencer marketing for social good.

Here are three key takeaways that make this a relatable piece of content marketing and influencer program activation that can be applied, regardless if Ryan is your leading man. 

#1: It’s Authentic. 

My husband passed the age of routine colonoscopy screening during COVID. His reschedule, of the rescheduled, and now the RESCHEDULED appointment is in a few weeks. He’s already survived pancreatic cancer so keeping up on routine screenings and early detection procedures are very near and dear to our hearts. But, this doesn’t make it any less intimidating than a first-time colonoscopy.

The relatability of Ryan and Rob is outstanding. They fit the demographic profile and humor angle perfectly for the core audience target. It can be a somewhat embarrassing procedure but they have broken it down into a relatable and honest conversation with real-footage of them before and after the scope. 

Were they exactly looking forward to having this done? No. 

They are loopy after anesthesia, and moreover make jokes about things being shoved up their as$es.

These are all pieces my husband and his friends will find honest and authentic as they go into this phase of their mid-life as well. 

The authenticity of the footage and dialogue mixed with humor is also a key reason this has been viewed nearly 10 million times in the first day of release. 

How to Stay Authentic But On Target

As I said above, we tend to script our videos with KOL’s. We don’t do it to lock in the exact words they must say. On the contrary, we do it to ease any nerves and ensure the main messages are clear and included. We tend to think of the script as the show flow more so than “repeat every word from a teleprompter.”

Most of our videos with KOL’s are done in one or two takes, ensuring that the human factor and true authenticity is there. If we do more than one or two takes, it’s usually because the mic wasn’t picking up clearly or the lighting was off.

#2: The Message Is Clear, The Sponsor Is Not. 

At the end of the six and a half minutes, did you catch who “sponsored” or produced the video? 

I did not, and that’s how it should be. 

Delivering the message – to get your routine colonoscopy – is the ONLY information that matters in this video. Your life could be saved by this procedure. 

Yes, Lead from Behind powered by the Colorectal Cancer Alliance, a 501(c)(3) non-profit, paid for and produced this video but does that really matter? 

It doesn’t matter one bit. 

The message was delivered and absorbed and shared. 

Does Ryan Reynolds get more accolades for the message than the Colorectal Cancer Alliance – you bet. However, the mission to “make colon cancer famous” and one step toward that is to convince more adults aged 45 and over to get their routine colonoscopy. 

It’s about educating the masses, and reducing the number of families affected by this terrible disease. 

Job well done, Lead from Behind!

Helpfulness Over Self Promotion

At C&C, we counsel clients on this exact marketing approach. In B2B marketing, the topics we tend to cover are certainly not of life-saving importance but even so, being helpful over promotion wins every time. 

Our clients use a subtle logo placement in a lower corner of the video or a quick “brought to you by” message in the intro or outro. Sometimes our KOL will mention “In partnership with Cisco…” (or Oracle or SAP) but it’s not a sales pitch in any way. It’s a nod to the company putting resources behind delivering a useful message.

#3: The Content Is NOT Gated. 

To gate, or not to gate, isn’t that always a question? 

If you are asking that about your content – the answer should be “no”. 

Obviously, this video had a healthy budget behind it. Due to the videography and celebrity endorsement, shouldn’t Lead from Behind need to show direct ROI for this expense? 

Somewhere in a boardroom, not long from now, my bet is Lead from Behind will be able to show the increase in the target audience participating in colonoscopies and the diagnosis of colon cancer in the target audience decreasing. 

Is it a direct 1:1 result of this video? Some would argue “no”. 

Does it include a metric for how many email addresses they collected by forcing a form fill before the video is viewed? Definitely not. 

Take the audience experience into account. 

Like someone not seeing the video directly, but hearing a rumbling of it from a friend or a headline about it on a mainstream source?

What an incredible brand extension. 

From all the places I have seen this video covered, every one of them has done so without gating any piece of the content. No pre-enroll form or mid-roll break. No enter your email to find out the conclusion.

A user can click through from any source and get directly to the full 6 minute and 30 second video. 

The Power of Youtility

If you are going to spend the budget and resources to create an educational and entertaining video for your brand, why limit to individuals who fill out a form? 

Get your message out. Be helpful. (Our own Jay Baer wrote an entire book about this concept called  Youtility. The definition being “make your marketing SO useful, that your audience would pay for it.) 

Let the content speak for itself. The viewer experience on this video is outstanding. ONE click from any social media post, article or other coverage delivers the video in full. 

No form. No multi-click or landing page navigation. My recall and admiration of Lead from Behind is a 10/10 for delivering a useful message in a frictionless way.

Being helpful over promotion wins every time. Click To Tweet

Get to the Bottom of Social Good

So, if you didn’t give it a look before we started down this path, here’s your chance to watch the video. 

Learn something new and laugh at the poop jokes. Schedule your own colonoscopy or at least encourage a friend to also schedule theirs. And if you feel so inclined, donate to Lead from Behind.

Take it from someone who has lived it first hand, it’s so much better to hear “all clear” than “we found something.” 

Let C&C Help You With Your Strategy

I’m so glad to have this message reach our readers along with some key takeaways to make your influencer marketing (celebrity endorsements, or even key opinion leader (KOL)) efforts more effective. If you ever need some help, ask to connect with one of our strategists.

The above post “Influencer Marketing (or Celebrity Endorsement) for Social Good” was provided here.

We trust that you found the above of help or interesting. Similar content can be found on our main site: superspunarticle.com/blog Please let me have your feedback in the comments section below. Let us know which topics we should write about for you in the future.

[frsturt]

501+ New British And Irish Jokes

501+ New British And Irish Jokes

© Francis R Sturt 2021 New Adult Jokes Guaranteed To Make You Laugh Or Your Tonsils Back! Welcome! céad míle fáilte 欢 google-site-verification: google4de88e90fa1080a9.html Original jokes created and crafted by Francis R Sturt during the Pandemic. Any constructive comments are welcome. Please scroll down to the “Contact Us” form at the bottom of the page Pat and Nick are driving around the…

[tennessoui]

Cliegg, getting constant comments and dirty jokes about the sexy handyman: that is my stepson

Cliegg, spotting Anakin and Obi-Wan making a guilty get-away as he has to reassure everyone there is no fire and liaise with the fire department: that is my stepson

Cliegg, realising the guy he bought a new stove for is living the handyman porno with Anakin: that is my stepson

Cliegg, having to listen to all the double entendres and lewd comments about their relationship during the speeches at the wedding: that is my stepson

anakin to cliegg, under his breath after he pours draino down his first tenant's drain: yay thank you for this job opportunity..........

anakin to cliegg after he gets his step dad's text saying some dude's oven isn't working: yay.......thank you for this job....opportunity....

anakin to cliegg after he meets obi-wan "501" kenobi: yay?? thank you...??? for ? this job opportunity ???

anakin to cliegg like the fifth time he meets obi-wan kenobi: actually i think you need to make every tenet attend fire safety courses or risk losing your entire source of income. no this is not personal on any level.

anakin to cliegg while marrying the tenet in 501: yay!!!!! thank you!!!!!!! for this job!!! opportunity!!!!!!! :D <3 <3 <3 <3 :D :D :D