#6 AM insomnia thoughts

[soraka-in-warhammer40k]

Just a thought I had while looking at memes; why is everyone dunking on Meme-Roboute for wanting to court Meme-Yvraine? Everyone acts like he's this perv who's into xenos when in this relationship Yvraine is the actual pervert.

Not only is that man significantly younger than her (stasis time does not count), he's also a bona-fide gentleman. Even if the logistics of intimacy would work out he would be mainly concerned for her health and safety. She meanwhile would see it as a challenge, Dark Eldar background and all. He's the one putting together a proper date following all the proper courtship protocols and socialising standards, and she is the one barely holding it together to not try and drag the man off into the bedroom and rip his toga off like a wild beast.

Roboute is totally the civilised and normal part in this relationship - people really should see Yvraine as the unhinged monster-fucker that she is definely seen as in Eldar society. Just perceived as a certified freak and that's not even accounting for the whole death god thing...

[parvuls]

okay wait I'm writing an actual post so I can start handling all these emotions

[steelthroat]

💢👁👄👁 < huh.)

[wizardfvcker]

god knows we don't need any more Hot Takes on this whole situation and that the shit happening with the devs has been ghastly and evil from the start but the fact also is that the disco elysium twitter account has been making harrykim jokes for years? this is not a new development. you can feel however you want about it but like. they added an emoji of them kissing to the discord years ago and people were giggling and joking about it. they used to retweet fanart! i don't know where im going with this im just sick of seeing peoples posts about how if you only get shipping out of this game you're stupid or something get off your high fucking horse

[anouri]

i genuinely think my circadian rhythm is like 30 hours instead of 25. because if i get 8 hours of sleep i cannot fall asleep the following night until like 5am

[tomandgeriatric]

I didn't really sleep much at alllll last night....like...i "went to bed" finally at like 6:30 am....i have to work at 8 am. I can't tell if its the medication, or just my own dumb brain keeping me up at night. I've always had problems falling asleep, not staying asleep, but falling asleep.

[bloomingbluebell]

sometimes i actively miss working

i don't miss the 12 hour days, but i miss the routine of it

i don't miss waking up at 4:30 in the morning, but i miss sitting at the train station, eating my breakfast sandwich and waiting for my bus while it was still dark out.

i don't miss standing for hours on end, but i miss some of the tasks

i don't miss serving customers, but i miss preparing food

sometimes i miss working, despite how horrible it was

[goldennika]

my insomnia has been getting so bad again 😭 slept at almost 4 AM. woke up around 7 AM. back to sleep at maybe?? 8 AM and was woken up around noon so i could eat something.

[raeathnos]

.

[the-sea-speaks]

😔

[fataldrum]

So I was looking into the Magnus Protocol Episode Hard Reset, and I am losing my shit for so many reasons.

1. The statement giver is Robert Hooke, one of the first people to publish research on microscopy. He was the person who coined the word "cell" in biology, because he thought they looked like the cells where monks lived.

2. The statement takes place in 1694. Hook references using the Protocol on London to stop a plague. Between 1665 and 1666, the Great Plague killed about 20% of the British population. In 1666, the Great Fire of London destroyed 60% of the city.

3. You know who made a ton of money from the fire? Robert Hooke. He made his fortune as a surveyor and architect in the aftermath of the fire, performing over half the property surveys. How fortunate for him.

4. Incidentally, there are no confirmed surviving portraits of Robert Hooke, only ones that may be him. This is rumored to be Isaac Newton's fault, because after Newton took over the Royal Society, they moved to a new location, and Hooke's portrait was "lost." No other portraits went missing.

5. The statement is addressed to Robert Boyle, who you may recognize for Boyle's Law in chemistry. There's a sculpture in Dublin of a young boy who is thought to be Boyle, and it's horrific.

6. This time period is significant for Isaac Newton, because between 1692 and 1693, he suffered "a breakdown of nervous functioning," with insomnia, poor digestion, and "signs of irrationality" in his letters. Incidentally, hair samples from Newton's body later contained high levels of mercury, lead, arsenic, and antimony. Probably because he was literally tasting mercury samples as part of his research.

7. During the statement, I was picturing a scrappy little terrier. It occurred to me that we probably know what kind of dog Isaac Newton had. His favorite dog was a pomeranian. A fucking. Pomeranian. Just picture this little guy developing sentience and sprouting branches.

8. The dog's name was Diamond, and he has his own Wikipedia page. Why? Because (likely apocryphal) stories claim Diamond knocked over a candle and burned over a year's worth of Newton's notes. The fire appears to be real, but blaming Diamond is unfair. Here's an engraving of the alleged incident.

9. After the fire, Newton was said to have exclaimed, "O Diamond, Diamond, thou little knowest the mischief thou hast done." But Diamond would know if he ate from the Tree of Knowledge.

10. Remember Flamsteed from the Maxwell Raynor statement? He and Newton were bitter enemies.

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 10

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternate Universe : Military School

Word : 6k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Thursday, October 29; 6:00 PM -  Bronze' Room.

Four. That's the number of days I've been living in real hell. I'm constantly going from cold to hot. I don't even dare to move because of my sore muscles. I've never felt as bad as I have at the start of this week. What exhausts me the most is emptying my guts into the basin that hasn't moved since the first day. The worst part is that I haven't eaten anything for four days, so it's even more painful.

 I just feel like I'm slowly dying. I know it's not real and that if all goes well, I'll be back on my feet in a few days. I'm starting to go crazy in this room. The only time I get out of bed is to use the bathroom, change clothes, or take a shower. And even then,  Bronze has to motivate me each time to do it. The problem is that I depend on her for every movement, and it's starting to irritate me. 

I feel pathetic not even being able to get to the bathroom on my own when it's only a few steps from my bed. Fortunately, I've managed to handle things in the bathroom on my own so far. It takes me much longer than usual each time, but it's certainly better than having to ask  Bronze for help. She's a woman and young, but she's still my supervisor. It's embarrassing for her to see me in such intimate situations. I had to ask for her help only once, and I still feel strange about it. Clumsy as I am, my earring got caught on my t-shirt. I tried to free myself but only managed to tangle myself more.  Bronze came to my rescue without hesitation, even though I was half-naked. I felt so embarrassed, yet she did nothing to make me feel that way, quite the opposite.

 She's so different since I've been here. She's no longer the strict supervisor who gives grand speeches. She's just a normal person who takes care of me. She hasn't left my side. Engen had to convince her to set up shifts so she could rest too. She finally agreed to let someone else stay by my side at night and during her three meals a day. So, the other three senior instructors take turns: Engen, Bright, and White. Without them, she wouldn't sleep at night knowing I have insomnia. I don't understand why she doesn't leave my surveillance more. It's not like the others are incompetent. I glance at my supervisor who is lying on her bed reading. Today is my first relatively calm day. I smile softly, seeing that she seems absorbed in her book.

"Are you feeling a little better?"

I'll never understand how she can see me when she doesn't even turn her head from her reading. It's like her eyes are everywhere. This isn't the first time she's done this. I lower my eyes to my slightly trembling hands.

"Better, but for how long...?" I murmur.

I sigh, knowing the detox process will take more than just a week. The stage I'm enduring now is nothing compared to what I'll have to endure psychologically later. I close my eyes at this thought.

"Can we take advantage of this lull to talk?" she asks, closing her book.

I look at her piercing green eyes for a moment. It's as if she knows what I'm thinking. I shrug. It's not like I wasn't warned. She was just waiting for me to be able to hold a conversation without my head constantly over the basin. I should also mention that dependency speaks for our subconscious. It seems I made advances to her at some point to get drugs. I have no memory of it, but she didn't hesitate to remind me to tease me. I was mortified when I found out. I also tried to charm her colleagues, in another way, fortunately for me. That's why I'm worried about what's to come if I'm already like this now. I was clean in my head before that night. I hate having to start over from scratch. I break my gaze from the void and turn my head towards her. She has just sat down on the chair between our two beds. It seems her decision has been made and I have to talk. I curl up on my side to face her. No way am I sitting up for this conversation. I close my eyes when she places her hand on my forehead to check my temperature. She's been doing this for a few days now.

"You don't have a fever anymore."

"Mm..." I groan.

"You have only yourself to blame, you know."

"I told you I don't remember anything from that night."

She sinks into her chair and crosses her arms.

"I want to believe you. You know, everyone thinks you did it on purpose."

"I don't care what others think. What do you think?"

"I have a personal opinion that I'd like to confirm by knowing your side of the story. Tell me about that night. I want to know everything in detail."

I lower my head, realizing she won't give me her opinion for now. Will she believe me? She's the only one I have hope in. Jaha and my mother will never believe me.

"Ona," she says, placing her hand on my shoulder. "If you don't talk to me, no one can defend you."

"Okay," I sigh. "I'll talk..."

"Start from the beginning, please."

"Yeah... So, um... I did go to a party... At least, Mapi convinced me to. I really didn't want to go at first," I began.

"Who is Mapi? Your best friend?"

"Yes."

"And so, you went?"

"Yeah... She took me to one of our old high school friends' place. She thought I'd be happy to see a familiar place."

"And that's where you took the opportunity to shoot up. You know, it's not bad if that's the case. It would be worse if you didn't admit it."

"No, I didn't shoot up. Please, don't push me..."

"Do you think?" she raises an eyebrow. "That I'm pushing you? I just said that if it was you, I want you to tell me now."

I nervously bite my lip. No, she's not pushing me. But I might say what she wants to hear if she insists a little. I shake my head to convince myself of what I think. A slight dizziness takes over.

"It's not me... Believe me, please. Okay, I wasn't an angel that night. I drank... Probably too much," I say, looking her straight in the eyes. "But that's all."

"You drank willingly?"

"Yeah... A few drinks at first, then we played drinking games where I was a willing participant," I admitted.

"Do you think you could have done it while drunk?"

Her tone is calm, reassuring. She's just trying to understand the how and why. She's not judging me, I can tell.

"If I didn't want to go to the party in the first place, it's because I knew it was risky. I felt clean, but someone like me can never predict how they'll react if they see drugs. However, I knew I couldn't come back here having taken something. I'm not that stupid,  Bronze."

"You don't know, do you? You don't know if it was you or not."

I look at her with horrified eyes. Indeed, I don't know if it was me or not. I think the answer terrifies me. I don't know how I would cope with that. I lower my head, too afraid her behavior will change knowing this.

"Well, I'll be honest with you. We both know you're far from stupid to have done it."

She leans forward so our eyes are well connected. How can she say such a thing after what she's just discovered? She should believe I'm guilty, that I did it. Not the opposite.

"Well, I still have some doubts, though. You're lucky we didn't find anything in your things, otherwise it would have been hard to defend you."

"Y-you searched my stuff?" I stammer in shock, my eyes wide.

"I had no choice. Wiegman wanted to do it personally to ensure no drugs were brought into the school. I spared you from her searching through your underwear collection."

I blush at the thought of  Bronze going through my underwear. Damn! They have no pity! That's very personal. I sigh as I feel a shiver run down my spine. It seems my respite didn't last long. I want to finish this conversation before  Bronze notices.

"Okay, let's go step by step. You owe me details so we can understand what happened. Only then can I defend your credibility."

"I already told you everything," I groan. "I met my old friends. We talked a bit before Mapi and I went out."

"What did you do?"

"We sat on some lounge chairs to chat about the latest gossip while having a few drinks."

"Okay, and then?" she encourages me.

I groan in frustration. I hate being in this accused position. I feel like I'm exposing myself by recounting every detail. But she's right. If I want to defend my credibility, I have to talk. To do that, I need to focus on remembering. I close my eyes.

"Then we joined the others for drinking games where we kept drinking. I was pretty tipsy, so Mapi took the opportunity to drag me onto the dance floor since it's the only time I agree to dance. The guys joined us shortly after. We were having a good time. I was happy to see them again. Then that's when..."

I abruptly open my eyes, finally remembering the missing piece of the puzzle. I don't have time to speak before I have to lean over the basin. Bronze barely had time to grab my hair. She immediately checks my slightly sweaty forehead. I slowly lie back down under her sigh. She helps me lie down before sitting back down. Damn it! How could I forget that part of the night!

"Do you feel capable of continuing? We can stop if you'd prefer."

"N-no! I-I want to talk," I say in a trembling voice.

"Good," she murmurs. "Then continue."

"Promise you won't repeat it?"

"No, I can't. It all depends on what it is."

I hesitate for a moment. I can't keep this to myself. It's way too important.  Bronze gently places her hand on my knee, as if trying to reassure me.

"I-I saw my ex again," I manage to say.

"Your ex?" she frowns.

"Her name is Feli, Feli Rauch. She's the one who... who got me into drugs... We didn't really end on good terms. I don't even remember breaking up with her. I just left without a word back then..."

"What was she doing there?"

"She said she came with a friend. She danced behind me, but I didn't know it was her until I turned around. I ran away outside, but she followed me. I let her talk, and she took the opportunity to apologize and say she missed me..."

My voice trembles. I can't get into more details. I've already said much more than I thought I could. Bronze's hand runs through my hair, prompting me to close my eyes. Her gesture slowly soothes me. To think these are just the main points.

"I know you're making an extraordinary effort by telling me all this, and I'm proud of you," she says softly. "It's the first time you've confided in me, and it makes me happy. I just ask for one more effort to tell me what else you remember."

"Not much, really," I murmur. "I let her say what she had to say and went back to find Mapi. I was shaken by seeing her again... Mapi didn't notice anything, so... so I just kept drinking... I-I feel stupid. I should have left the party after seeing her..."

- "You weren't in your right mind," she reassures me with a soft voice. "Do you think she could have forced you?"

- "I don't know... Maybe."

I tighten the blanket around me as I lift my head. She removes her hand and gives me a warm smile. I think that's a good sign. As for me, I don't know what to think anymore.

- "Have you asked your friends? Do they remember anything?"

- "Yes, of course, we talked while they drove me to the airport. Apparently, we separated around two in the morning. It was shortly after my meeting with Feli. So, they couldn't help me much. I was clean, Bronze... I was really clean."

I crack, my eyes slightly tearing up. I don't know who I'm trying to convince more with these words. She smiles at me a bit more.

- "I know, Ona. I know, don't worry," she repeats, moving some hair off my face. "You've done a lot. Thank you for being honest. Rest now. I'll get you a washcloth."

I close my eyes to relieve my sudden headache. It's crazy how everything came back all at once. I let out a groan when I feel the cold washcloth on my neck. Every time, she does this without warning. At first, I would jump, but now I'm used to it. She adjusts my blanket to cover me completely.

- "You won't say anything, right?"

- "If I don't say anything, they'll keep their opinion, Ona."

- "I don't care, as long as you believe me..."

- "We'll see."

- "You promised..."

- "I didn't promise anything. Seeing your ex who's a junkie never bodes well."

- "She won't do anything to me... She loves me too much for that."

- "Meanwhile, she's the most likely person to have drugged you. Your mother has the right to know."

- "Absolutely not," I say, reopening my eyes. "You can tell Wiegman, but not my mother! She doesn't need to know something like this!"

I don't see her anywhere. I understand that she's behind me. I would have liked to turn around, but I don't have the courage to move even a little toe. I tighten my blanket more around me as there's a knock on the door. Bronze sighs.

- "Well, we'll talk about it later."

Bronze opened the door because I hear Engen and Bright's voices in the room. I'm relieved that the conversation ends here. I don't know what time it is, but I imagine it's time to eat since they're here. It's always Bright or White who watches over me while Bronze goes to eat with Engen. I groan when someone shakes me slightly. It feels like an earthquake in my state. I open my eyes to find myself face to face with Bronze.

- "I'm leaving you with Bright while I eat. Do you want anything?"

- "No," I groan.

- "You haven't eaten anything for three days. You need to force yourself. Your cheeks are getting hollow."

- "Humm..." I grumble. "Don't want anything," I groan.

I close my eyes, which suddenly feel very heavy. I just want her to leave me alone.

- "Still not feeling better?" Engen asks.

- "She was fine since she woke up half an hour ago. It seems to be coming back."

- "I asked for some soup to be prepared for her. She needs something in her stomach given her state."

- "Ona," she shakes me once more.

- "Hummm."

- "Leave her alone. You can see she's out of it again," Engen says. "We'll bring her something and, if necessary, we'll force her."

I feel her hand leave my shoulder. This gesture makes me bury my head into my blanket. They keep talking a bit, but I've lost all sense of the conversation. It's only when silence reigns that I finally find sleep.

Wednesday, October 28; 8:30 PM - Bronze's Room.

I was sleeping peacefully until Bronze reappeared half an hour ago. We're alone again, and now she's forcing me to eat some damn soup. I'm leaning against the wall behind my bed, waiting for her spoonfuls against my will. She decided she wouldn't let me eat alone to make sure I eat. Well, okay... She might be right to do so. By doing this, she avoids me having to admit that I can't feed myself. So, I just open my mouth to please her. I feel like a child. I'm lucky my body accepts the food. It might be temporary, but it feels good to have something in my stomach. The soup gives me a bit of strength back.

- "You should take a shower too. You've been sweating all day."

- "Impossible," I mumble.

- "You stink, and my room smells like vomit, so it's non-negotiable."

- "I can't do it, Bronze. I'm way too cold and in too much pain to move an inch."

- "I've always helped you move."

- "I'm talking about in the shower."

- "Well, I'll help you if you want."

- "No way!" I groan.

She laughs heartily at my reaction. If she thinks I'll let her shower me again, she's dreaming! I accept the help with food, but definitely not with the shower.

- "Stop laughing, it's not funny!"

- "You've accepted my help so far. What's the problem?"

- "You're not going to help me take a shower! No way."

I'm almost sure my cheeks turn red with embarrassment. It must be the case, given the silly smile spreading on Bronze's face.

- "I'm not going to ask you to undress in front of me, Ona, if that's the issue. That would be crossing my boundaries as an instructor. You'll stay in your underwear. I just want you to freshen up a bit, it will do you good."

- "Please, Bronze... It's pure and simple humiliation."

- "Humiliation?" she laughs. "Nonsense. Well, if you see it that way... You'll try by yourself, and if you have any issues, call me. But one thing is for sure, you're getting under the water tonight. I want to take this opportunity to change your sheets and air out the room."

I hate her when she's like this. So commanding. I love that she's been taking care of me these past few days, but she remains insufferable when she wants something. I open my mouth when she brings the spoon closer. I can't wait for this situation to end. Hopefully soon. The bowl finally reaches the bottom. I sink directly into my bed after the last bite.

- "Nope, no way. Up!" she orders.

- "Tomorrow, please..."

- "No! You already pulled that yesterday and I let it go. There's no way I'm letting you pass again. It will do you good to stretch a bit. You'll thank me when all this is over."

I grumble as she pulls my arms to get me out of bed. I know she's right, but I'm definitely not going to admit it. I sit on the edge of the bed before placing my arm on her shoulders. Her arms around my waist support me until she sits me on the toilet in the bathroom. My legs were indeed very numb given the time it took us to move to the room.

- "Is that okay?"

- "Can I have a bit of privacy now?"

- "Yeah. Just leave your underwear on, just in case. I'll prepare some new clothes in the meantime."

I nod, and she leaves the room, closing the door. I take advantage of this moment to use the toilet since I rarely get up. I then lean against the sink to stay upright and remove my shorts and t-shirt. I place my t-shirt on the sink and leave my shorts on the floor. I don't feel capable of picking it up. I keep my underwear on as asked, then move under the shower. Fortunately, the instructors have a shower with a seat. I collapse onto it when I reach it. I sigh, realizing I forgot to grab the showerhead, forcing me to get up again. Once done, I turn the hot water on to the maximum to warm up... Bad idea given how it burns my skin. The surprise is such that I scream and drop the showerhead. It goes everywhere from the force of the jets, splashing a large part of the bathroom and me. I protect myself with one arm while reaching the faucet behind me. The water stops flowing, and I sigh in exasperation at my incompetence.

- "Are you okay?"

I look at the door where Bronze's voice is heard from behind. I let my head fall against the wall. I cover my chest with my arms. I'm freezing now. I close my eyes for a moment, hating myself for what I'm about to say.

- "Okay, you win," I reply loudly. "I need your help."

- "Can I come in?"

- "Yes."

The handle turns. I look away while she enters. I don't dare look at her. Few people have seen me in my underwear. She'll be the first to see my body so scantily clad in a year and a half. I can't help but tighten my arms around me, as if that would cover me. I've become very modest to the point of no longer liking going to the pool in a two-piece swimsuit. I turn my head when she doesn't come towards me right away. She's assessing the damage caused by the showerhead, thanks to my mishap. She raises an eyebrow, making me shrink my head into my shoulders. I hadn't realized it was that bad. The protective glass took most of it, but the sink, mirror, and my clothes weren't spared. I forget my fear of her scolding me and panic remembering that I left my bracelet, a birthday gift, on my t-shirt.

"Well done! I leave you alone for ten minutes and you make a mess," she smiles, picking up my shorts from the floor.

Her smile fades when she sees my face. She follows my eyes to my t-shirt. She grabs my bracelet and quickly wipes it with a towel.

"Don't worry, it's fine," she reassures me.

"Thank you, and I'm sorry," I breathe out. "I'm literally out of strength, everything hurts, and I'm cold! I can't take it anymore," I break down, summarizing my situation. "I'm fed up with all this crap, damn it."

"It's okay, I'm here now."

I'm on the verge of collapsing in front of her. I'm holding back so hard not to break down. I don't want her to see me in a state of weakness again. I'm already too much of that. That she sees my withdrawal crises, fine. But that she sees me cry because I'm at my wit's end, no way. She places my dirty, wet clothes in her laundry basket, then wipes the sink with a towel to place my new clothes on it. I watch her take off her shoes and roll up her pants and sleeves before stepping into the shower. Fortunately, it's an open shower with enough space. She picks up the showerhead and finally looks at me. My arms tighten instinctively. It's the first time she's really looked at me since she came in, and it makes me uncomfortable.

"I'll hold it. Do you feel capable of washing yourself, or do I need to take care of that too?"

"I think I can manage."

I want to manage it. I don’t want her to touch me. She smiles at me, trying to help me relax, but it’s not working at all. She turns on the water and adjusts the temperature with the mixer next to my head. She is very focused, watching the water flow over her hand until she says it’s just right. She looks into my eyes, waiting for my approval, but it never comes. I become even more tense than before and tighten my hands even more to hide my nudity.

"Come on Ona, take your hands off. I can’t do anything like this."

I shake my head vigorously, not caring about the dizziness. I close my eyes tightly to lessen it. I sincerely hope this situation will end soon. I thought I could manage for a moment, but I can’t. I’ve reached the point where no one can touch me without fear. I feel ridiculous for trembling like this. To my surprise, I hear the water stop and feel fingers under my chin lifting my head.

"Look at me."

I shake my head, fighting with myself.

"Please, Ona…" she persists. "Breathe calmly and at least dare to open your eyes," she encourages me.

I regulate my breathing as she taught me during my field runs. I then open my eyes to find her crouched down. I fall into her soft green irises. I startle when her hand rests on my cheek.

"Calm down. You don’t need to be ashamed or anything. What’s wrong?"

"Nothing…"

"Don’t kid me. If you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you."

I tense up as I feel her hand caress me. She has never been this gentle with me. I’m discovering sides of her that I never thought compatible with her character.

"Do you want me to leave the bathroom?" she asks.

I manage to shake my head from side to side. Even if I wanted her to leave, I can’t manage without her. I can’t even hold the showerhead.

"Alright, then take your hands off. I’m just going to spray you with water."

"I’m sorry, I—"

"Hey, trust me," she interrupts. "I’ve never crossed your boundaries, as far as I know."

I feel lost. I can’t think straight with her so close. After a while, my hands lose their grip. A small smile appears on her face. She carefully removes the last grip. I let my arms fall to the side, revealing my almost naked body. I watch her closely as she sees my tense body. It’s hard for her to hide her surprise, but she doesn’t comment. She just sprays water on me. The warm water helps me relax and feel better. She turns off the water once I’m completely wet. She puts shampoo into my hand. Everything is fine, but my arms start to hurt from holding them up to scrub my hair. She must have noticed because she starts doing it for me without me asking. I say nothing and close my eyes to enjoy this pleasant moment. No one has ever given me a scalp massage like she is now. She unconsciously eases my headache. I open my eyes when she turns the water back on.

"Tilt your head back, or you’ll get it all in your eyes."

"Why are you doing this?" I ask as I comply.

"Doing what? Helping you shower?"

"Taking care of me."

My question is followed by silence. I have a perfect view of her head as mine is tilted back. Her face is directly above mine so she can see what she’s doing. I’m sure I could see her cleavage if I lower my head. The question has been burning on my tongue for a while, but she doesn’t seem to want to answer. I can tell she doesn’t like leaving me under her colleagues’ care. It’s to the point where she refused another room to sleep in at night when the other instructors watch over me. She claims she doesn’t want any bed other than hers, but I think she mostly doesn’t want to be far from me in case something goes wrong.

"I’ve made your life impossible since I arrived, but you still help me," I insist.

"Everyone deserves help, don’t they? I sense that deep down, you want to change, but your behavior shows you haven’t had much support in your life… So, I’m giving you mine… Even if you make my life difficult," she adds with a smile. "Come on, open your hand."

I open it silently so she can put shower gel in it. I scrub my upper body first. Seeing that I can’t go further, she takes care of my legs after getting my permission. She avoids any areas that could be awkward, then rinses me one last time. She hangs up the showerhead and helps me stand. She wraps me directly in a large towel she had prepared. I bury myself in it, glad that it’s all over.

"Thank you… for everything," I murmur.

"I told you from the start, Ona. As long as I’m here, you won’t leave. I’ll be by your side and never abandon you," she announces, rubbing my arms to warm me up. "You may make my life difficult, but it’s a pleasure to get to know you and be able to help."

Her words touch me. I feel guilty. I really behaved like an idiot when I arrived. I didn’t understand anything.

"I’m sorry for everything I put you through…"

"Don’t apologize," she smiles. "Your behavior is completely normal. Now sit down."

With her help, I sit back on the toilet after she retrieves my clothes. She places them on my lap.

"Try to change and don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Yes, okay…"

She smiles and then leaves to give me some privacy. I remain shaken. It’s as if I’ve had an epiphany about her intentions. I feel foolish, but my heart swells with happiness. She can be annoying, but she takes care of me like no one has in a long time. She knows how to balance punishing me and helping me when I need it. She reminds me of Mapi, even though the two relationships are very different. I just feel like they will always be there to catch me when I need it. I sigh and let the towel drop. I take my time to remove my wet underwear and replace them with the new ones. I continue with my t-shirt, which I manage to put on this time, and grab my shorts… I think it’s one piece of clothing too many as I try to lift my legs. I give up just as someone knocks on the door.

"Yes?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yes, go ahead."

I’m not worried about it anymore. She’s already seen me in every possible situation, even in my underwear. She enters with the basin that is usually next to my bed. She places it next to the sink and turns to me.

"Any trouble?"

I show her my shorts, and she smiles. I turn my head towards the door when I notice a second presence. I feel embarrassed seeing Engen there. It’s okay if Bronze sees me like this, but Engen…

"I told you to stay in the room," sighs Bronze.

"Oh, come on! Hi, Ona."

"Hi…"

I keep my head down and try to hide my legs as much as I can. I don’t like being seen naked. It’s not as bad as before, but still! She finally leaves under the incessant requests from my instructor, who must have noticed my discomfort.

"Sorry, she helped me tidy the room," Bronze informs me once Engen is gone.

She crouches in front of me and takes the shorts from my hands. She asks me to lift one foot.

"I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable."

"I’ve already been more uncomfortable in the past four days."

She chuckles, and I lift my other foot to put it in the shorts. She pulls them up to my knees before standing up.

"I’ll let you do the rest, and to answer your question, you don’t need to be embarrassed, I’ve already told you."

She goes back to the sink to clean the basin and lets me handle things on my own. I don’t know how she does it. I wouldn’t be able to stand the smell in her place. I can already smell it from here, and it makes me want to vomit again. When she’s finished, she washes her hands and turns back to face me.

"Do you want me to tie your hair?"

I nod. She approaches me and makes a quick bun, as she has been doing for me these past few days. It’s more practical for many things. Then she helps me up, and we finally leave the bathroom. I’m surprised to see the change. It’s clear there’s fresh air here. The wide-open window is probably the main reason. As expected, my sheets have been changed, and she has also tidied my belongings that had invaded her personal space. Because yes, she brought my suitcase into her room since it hadn’t been unloaded from her car when we arrived. She lies me back on my bed where I snuggle under the blanket. The fresh air might be good, but it’s taking away all the warmth I gained from the shower. Engen is still in the room. She is sitting on Bronze’s bed, but I don’t pay her any attention. I turn my back to her to stare at the wall. I’m exhausted from this little excursion. It doesn’t take long for me to find my position and my sleep.

[mrsshabana]

Patient!Gyutaro x Nurse!Reader - CHAPTER 1

Chapter 2

✦ CW: 18+ MDNI, female reader. Mentions of mental illness, suicide, and sexual abuse of a minor. This fic has many dark themes, please do not read unless you are comfortable!

✦ AN: The long awaited nurse au is finally here! Sorry it took me so long, but I wanted to make sure it was perfect. Lots of thought and research went into making this fic. There will also be art included in this chapter!

✦ WC: 2,146

This is what you should have expected from a job in the medical field that didn’t require much qualifications. Working at an asylum wasn’t ideal, but they are incredibly desperate for new nurses. As most of them are unable to handle the physical and mental toll that a place like this puts on someone. 

It’s your first day at your new job. You were excited until you entered the building. The dreary interior mixed with the groans and screams of unruly patients wasn’t the welcome that you had been hoping for.

You’re young, almost too young to be working at a place like this. The other nurses didn’t take you seriously, and they were going to make the transition for you more difficult than it needed to be. You were being assigned to a patient that is notorious for being difficult to work with. The other nurses use him to weed out the weak. Always shifting the new hires to care for him. They usually leave within the first week, so his care returns to one of the veteran nurses known for having a mind of steel. She’s cold hearted, but that helps you deal with a job like this. The complete opposite of you. A warm young woman, eager to treat and rehabilitate.

Currently you are being led to your new patient. Quickly scanning over his records as you follow the nurse through the halls of the sanatorium.

Rashomon Riverbank Asylum

Patient Record

Name: Shabana, Gyutaro

Identification Data: Sex: Male Age: 23 Height: 6’ 3” Weight: 134

Race: Asian Hair: Black Eye: Blue

Special Handling Code: Code Red; Keep medicated Special Handling Instructions: Keep away from sharp objects

Medical History: Multiple suicide attempts, Complications due to sickle cell anemia, Treated for Congenital Syphilis

Diagnoses: Sickle Cell Anemia Hutchinson’s Teeth Borderline Personality Disorder Antisocial Personality Disorder Depression Insomnia

Current Medical Treatment: Special diet for weight gain Medications given AM & PM

Medications: Wellbutrin - 100 mg twice daily Abilify - 10 mg once daily Carbamazepine - 350 mg twice daily Xanax - 2 mg twice daily Trazodone - 150 mg once daily Voxelotor - 500 mg once daily Adakveo - 5 mg IV infusion once every 4 weeks

Gyutaro Shabana, your very first patient at Rashomon Riverbank Asylum. Looking over his record, this is going to be a difficult one. You’ve learned about a majority of these diagnoses in college, so you have a good idea about the kind of treatment he will require. It’s strange though, he seems to have lost the genetic lottery. And you haven't even seen his face yet, you can only imagine what he may look like.

An asian man with sickle cell anemia is almost unheard of, roughly 0.0022%. And on top of that he was born with Congenital Syphilis. It’s quite frankly amazing that he’s lived past 20.

“Just introduce yourself, then I’ll take you to your other patients,” the other nurse says as she stops in front of his door. 

Not wanting to be impolite, you hesitantly knock on his door. There’s no response. You figured that there wouldn’t be, so you open the door anyways.

“Hello, Mr. Shabana?” you say coyly.

When you peek into the room, you are instantly frozen by his icy gaze. He’s sitting on his bed with a book in his lap. His cold blue eyes send shivers down your spine.

“I’m um… I’m your new nurse.” you choke out. He’s feet away from you but you feel as though his hands have a tight grasp around your throat.

“My name is Y/N. Um… If you ever need anything d-don’t hesitate to call for me…”

The expression on his face is unchanging, as he remains silent.

“Well I’ll see you later tonight Mr. Shabana…”

Closing the door, breaking the line of sight that he had on you, instantly you feel a surge of relief.

You go on to visit the rest of your patients, then you come back later that night to give Mr. Shabana his dinner. A high protein meal, specifically for weight gain.

Knocking on the door a few times before you push it open, “Mr. Shabana, I have your dinner.”

He’s in the same spot where you left him, sitting on his bed with a book in his lap. But this time he doesn’t even bother to look at you when you enter the room.

Stepping closer to place the food tray on his table, you inspect his appearance. 

His clothes hang off of his frame, enveloping his skeletal body. You can make out lean muscles on his arms, but his face is sunken and his pants hang low on his hips. There are large black marks scattered across his face, and you can barely see one peeking out from below his sleeve. Were these marks from his Congenital Syphilis? Dark circles sit below his eyes, he looks as though he hasn’t slept in weeks.

He’s wearing the standard issue uniform that all patients wear. A plain t-shirt and pants, made of the same material as scrubs. Though his feet are bare, slippers sitting below the edge of the bed. His hair is long and wavy. Black as midnight, unruly in the way it hangs in front of his face. The top of his hair is half haphazardly tied up.

“Got a problem…?” He rasps, drawing out each word.

The venom of his sour tongue sends a jolt of electricity through your skin. 

“Huh?” you’ve been sitting there staring at him for too long, “O-oh! I’m sorry sir! There’s no problem, please enjoy your dinner,” you quickly rush out of the room.

As you continue on giving food to the rest of your patients, Mr. Shabana’s voice echoes through your skull.

Got a problem…? Got a problem…? Got a problem…?

A few hours later, you go back to retrieve the tray and whatever food may have not been eaten. Stopping yourself before you open the door. It’s ok. He’s just a patient. Then why does he make you so nervous?

*Knock knock*

“Hello Mr. Shabana, I’m just here to collect your tray,” you chime, masking your fear with a smile.

Walking back into the dimly lit room, the fluorescent lights flickering. His eyes staring into you.

His food has been untouched. The only thing that was eaten was a packaged cookie.

“Not hungry today?” your voice shakes as you try to ignore his harsh gaze.

He remains silent. Watching you as you step closer. The buzzing of the fluorescent bulbs filling the room, filling your brain with static.

“Was it not to your liking? I can have the cooks make something else for you if you’d like.”

“...”

Your eyes meet. His thin eyebrows furrow, the rest of his expression remains unchanging. The pressure of his glare makes the air around you feel heavy. Pressing down on you, compressing your spine, you feel so small when he looks at you. You’re desperate to fill the cold aura with some warmth.

“Mr. Shabana you really should eat-”

*CRASH*

He slaps the tray out of your hand, food splattering onto your uniform, dripping onto the floor. 

Silence. You’re stuck staring down at your feet. Watching the pool of meat, vegetables, and milk spread around you. It takes you a few moments to fully process what has just happened, only able to snap out of it when you feel the wetness of the food seeping through your skirt, making you feel cold.

You regret looking up at him. Regret meeting his eyes. Filled with amusement.

“You better clean that up… don’t chu think…?” He smirks. Showing his sharp canines and crooked teeth.

“I-I…” you mumble, looking back down at the mess. He’s right, you should clean it up before it gets everywhere.

Going into the hallway, you grab some towels and return to his room. Not thinking your next actions through as you get down on all fours and start picking up the mess. All you want to do is hurry and clean this up so you can leave. But Mr. Shabana has different plans.

He slowly stands up. Looming over you, looking down on you with a twisted grin. He’s so tall… he makes you feel so small as you look up at him. So pathetic. So worthless.

“You look good down there…” he steps on your hand, “On your knees like a whore…”

His words leave you speechless. Your vision begins to blur and your heart starts to race. He pushes his weight further onto your hand, until you feel a crack.

“I’d like to see you like this more often…” he chuckles, the sound rumbling in his hollow chest.

Every instinct within your body is screaming at you to run. But you feel so trapped. So paralyzed by him. Like a rabbit cornered against a wall by a vicious predator. His eyes. It’s his eyes. No, it's his touch. It’s… everything about him. 

You try to speak up, but your words escape you. Coming out in a pathetic whine that makes his grin widen and his laughter intensify. 

He’s reaching for you. His hand is coming towards your face. Your mind is telling you that if you let him get any closer you will die. He will kill you. And he won’t even care.

Your body is pumped with enough adrenaline for you to break free from the physical and psychological hold he had on you.

Pulling your hand away from under his foot, you push yourself backwards. Stumbling to stand up on your feet. You run out of the room and through the halls, not risking looking back at him. All you hear as you escape is his laughter on repeat. You can’t tell if his laughter is echoing through the halls, or if it has just been ingrained into your mind.

You keep running until you get back to the nurses quarters and to your room. 

Tears running down your cheeks, food staining your clothes, and pain throbbing in your hand. You collapse on the floor and cry.

Why would he be so cruel? You understand that he’s a patient and has a list of mental illnesses, but you were trying to help him! You can’t even remember what you were doing or why you were in his room. All you remember is him and how he made you feel. His stare. His voice. His touch. 

Fuck him and fuck this job.

Clambering over to your desk, you immediately start writing your resignation letter.

You don’t get paid enough for this shit. All you wanted to do is help people, and you get repaid with this? It’s just not worth it. Through your sobs, your tears fall onto the page as you hastily move your pen on the piece of parchment in front of you.

There. It’s done. You’re done.

You won’t have to see this place, see him, ever again once you submit this letter.

Looking around your desk, searching for an envelope. You come across a thick manilla folder. The tab on the side reads, Shabana, Gyutaro.

Something compels you to open it. You already skimmed through his information, but you never looked at everything here.

His psychiatric notes? From his psychiatrist? These shouldn’t be in here… you shouldn’t have access to this confidential information.

But if you’re leaving anyways… then there’s no harm. Right?

Shabana, Gyutaro - Dr. Hantengu

August 14

Childhood trauma starting since birth

Single mother, no father

Raised as a female. Mother would dress patient as a daughter. Would cover up his deformities with makeup. (Feelings of worthlessness, not belonging)

Sister born at age 6 (turning point in patient’s life)

Mother cast aside patient for sister. (When he learned he was actually a boy. Feeling of confusion. Child cannot comprehend)

Sexual abuse started at age 10

Mother was a prostitute, would offer children to adult clients.

 Patient record, “She would bring men into our house… and let them touch us. (long pause) They wanted my sister. They wanted to do bad things to her. So I… (patient gets upset) I would offer myself to them. I would perform sexual acts for them so they would leave Ume (sister) alone.”

Sexual abuse continued until age 15

Mother died of overdose. The children were left in the home for over a week until someone found them.

Children taken to orphanage. 

Patient held in orphanage for 8 months until incident.

Brought to Asylum at age 16

End of first session 

You are left speechless. 

Reading his records reminds you of why you wanted to be a nurse in the first place. To help people that have gone through trauma such as this. He didn’t lash out at you because of something you did. It’s not your fault. And it isn’t his either. He just needs help. 

And you will be the one to help him.

[meowufff]

Okay!

First of all: I am very sorry it took so long to finish this! It had been a lot more data than last time, so I had some trouble to visualize and edit it this time around. I really hope I made it work somehow so enjoy this lil conclusion thingy and feel free to add or mention anything that comes to your mind~

In this survey I have asked a total of 188 people multiple questions surrounding sleep habits, their consume of caffein and its influence on them and got an answer from 104 of these.

So let’s beginning with the average hours per sleep these people had.

Well, as we saw in the last survey I did, most people I have asked didn’t had a good sleep schedule. The average hours that a rottmnt tumblr artist out of 104 get is 6,48 hours per night.

I tried my best to categorize the hours into 1-3; 4-6; 6-7; 7-9; 10+ h/night. The most common one being 4-6 h/night and 7-9 h/night which is a little surprising remembering that only 18% of people of my last survey actually have a “good”-sleep schedule in hindsight that the recommended amount of sleep is 7-9 hours/night.

These numbers could be explained that for a lot of people the amount of hours they sleep depends on factors like if they´re having a stressful time at the moment or how much they did over the day so the numbers itself varied often from 3-8 hours. Of course, no one sleeps the exact amount of hours every single time so the range a lot people mentioned had been partly very big.

Now that we know how many hours most artist sleep per night, we should take a look at how many hours they consider enough to technically get through the day which is 4,94 hours.

Because the answered had been very specific for most parts I decided to categorize them into full 1 till 9+ hours and steps in between as 1-2; 2-3; 3-4; etc. hours, the most common ones being 4 and 5 hours. Which is kind of close to the average amount they get.

So some could take the wild guess that a lot of people are surviving on their minimum hours per night as daily basis.

For my next question I could have been more specific with what I meant. My thought behind that question had been, how many hours are a lot in consideration to a not-so-great sleep schedule. For example, a person who usually gets 5-6 hours of sleep could consider getting 7 or 8 hours as a lot.

Some didn’t answer that part which is understandable as the meaning isn’t that clear. I still got a lot of interesting answers! For example, the average “a lot of hours of sleep” value is 9,59 hours.

Now let’s get to the caffein!

Surprisingly to me, considering the small average hour per night, 53,85% do not consume any caffein over the day and only 39,42% have it included into their daily routine. The small amount of 6,73% of people use it only as last resort.

On the other hand, after reading all the effects caffein has on most of the people I asked I am not as surprised they´re not consuming it regularly.

Talking about the different effects of caffein on people please look at the following two pictures where I tried my best to visualize the different answers as good as possible.

In the first one you can see the descriptions how the people are feeling before consuming any caffein. The bigger the word the more often it had been mentioned.

In the second you will see the way they feel after consuming any kind of caffein.

It is pretty prominent that a majority doesn’t feel any different afterwords which could be an explanation why the amount of people drinking caffein is that “small”. But even if the second biggest word is the usual effect caffein has the one directly after that are words like tired, sluggish, jittery which are most definitely affects no one likes to experience.

A lot of the described feelings could be lined to stuff like ADHD or insomnia or anything else where caffein can show a paradox or even negative effect on someone. I have read that a lot of people still like to consume drinks with caffein in it but not because of the effect but more for the taste.

As someone who needs to drink either very strong coffee or energy to actually feel any effect of the caffein, I found it very interesting to see that people mentioned to enjoy drinking tea as little energy boost.

For me tea, or coke or any other caffeinated soda, has such a little amount of caffein in it that I, for myself, didn’t even had it categorized as something that could be used as little caffein booster.

It hadn’t been a question, but I still noted down the kind of drinks people choose to drink as daily caffein source, which actually shows that coffee is the usual to go drink but again, surprisingly lot told me that they don’t drink tea (or anything else) as daily basis but more randomly whenever they feel like it.

In the end, what can we conclude out of all this messy information?

So, the usual hours you should sleep is put on 7-8 hours per night.

The average hours out of 104 artists in the rottmnt tumblr bubble is 6,48 hours per night with a minimum needed of 4,94 hours to get through the day. The maximum hours got in a night lay by 9,6 hours.

53,85% of these 104 go through their every day without the help of any caffein.

39,42% have caffein included into their daily routine.

6, 73% see caffein only as their last resort and try to avoid consuming any for as long as possible.

Thank you, a lot, for reading so far and thousand thanks to all the people participating in this lil survey again! I had a lot of fun doing this and I hope this little conclusion here is entertaining enough to make it worth having to answer my “few” questions!

If you want to share your own opinion or point out any mistakes I may have made, please feel free to do so~

I wish everyone a happy day and or good night!

If you are interested into my first survey, pls click here :3 Special Thanks to all of the participants!!! @heckitall @triona-tribblescore @butterfilledpockets @crownedcrowrow @pezhead @wraenata @zinovi768 @cokowiii @idiot-mushroom @less-depresso-more-espresso @mightyanxiety @sweeneydino @2aceofspades @mobiitez @onejellyfishplease @titenoute @arrora-art @indieyuugure @tblsomedoodles @theelvishfiddler @tasenwiththerobots @iredoodles @sushixstar @turrondeluxe @signanothername @adorabledrugl0rd @mr-doodles @theastroghost @djpachipikachu @hellishgayliath @frosteaart @godsfaultycreations @koolaidashley @soda-kazoo @tapakah0 @v-albion @sad-leon @angelpuns @sharkfinn @venelona-turtle-den @goatedgreen @graphitehybrid @laseralligator @peach-moths @vangh17a @debb987 @lieutenantbiscute @sunnyyyteaaa @0ransje @manga-toons

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

You're the Only Girl for Me - Chapter 15

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤

All OC Characters belong to me

Series Masterlist

Taglist: @christinabae @southerngirl41 @reci1996 @jeyusos-girl @jeyusosgirl @melaninsugababy @bemybabiibish @jstarr86 @baconeggndcheez @nbanenefrmdao @purplehairgawdess @arination99 @m3llowww @alyyaanna @harmshake @jeysbae @empressdede @theninthwonder @badbitchcentralinc @bluesole16 @leaderofthebadbitchbrigade @bonni-98 @raya-hunter01 @bebesobrielo @venusesworld  @babysyhsyh

if your name is bold, tumblr won’t let me tag you

WARNING: MENTIONS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE ;

February 14th 2021

Airelle woke up when a loud muffled moan came from the other side of her wall, where Yasmine’s room was located. “Oh fuck Joe, right there!” Airielle’s eyes widened before she grabbed the pillow that was next to her head and placed it over her face letting out a muffled scream. She sat up in her bed and glared at the wall once she heard the headboard start to knock against the wall. 

“Lucky bitch.” She muttered as she picked her phone up to check the time 6:34 am. She sighed and got out of the bed. “Guess I can go workout.” She said to herself as she quickly got dressed, trying to ignore the sounds of Yasmine and Joe getting down. 

Grabbing her keys, Airielle ran out of the apartment as fast as she could. When she got to the gym, she failed to pay attention to a familiar car in the parking lot. A black Ford F-150. After checking in with the front desk she made her way over to the equipment stopping in her tracks at the sight of familiar tattooed arms lifting weights. 

Airielle’s heart sped up as their eyes locked.  She sent him a small smile and a wave which he returned, before he went back to his workout. She cursed herself as she walked over to the treadmill, if she wasn’t so preoccupied with getting out of the apartment, she would have realized that Josh should've been at the gym. This was his gym, he was the one who told her about it.  

Airielle knew that Josh normally worked out around this time, he dealt with insomnia and had FacTimed her multiple times while he worked out claiming that seeing her face gave him motivation even though she was sleeping while they were on the phone.

Airielle tried her hardest to not look at him, but she could feel his eyes on her as she started her workout. She had thought hard about their relationship and she did miss Josh badly and she wanted to be with him but Tracy was going to have to stay far away from her. Because there was no real reason for Tracy to even lie the way she did, she was apparently in a relationship so why was she trying to ruin Josh and Airielle’s? 

“You still ignoring me?” Airielle choked on her water and turned her head to look at Josh with wide eyes. She hadn’t even heard him walk over to her.  Josh chuckled at the look on her face and reached over to slow down the treadmill before she went and fell on her face. 

“Huh?” She said after her coughing fit, stepping off the treadmill and standing in front of him. 

“I said, are you still ignoring me?” Airielle sighed and shuffled on her feet. She was uncomfortable but she also knew that she needed to talk to him even if it was in the middle of the deserted gym. 

“I wasn't ignoring you Josh, I just needed time to think.” Josh nodded and bit the inside of his cheek. 

“About us?” He asked after a moment of silence to which Airielle nodded. 

“Yes, about us, about your baby momma, about everything.”  Josh nodded again but didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say all he knew was that he wanted to be with Airielle and he needed her to know that. He needed her to know that she made him happy and that she was all he could think about. Well tell her that dummy. His inner voice scolded him. 

“Before you tell me your decision, have dinner with me later on.” She opened her mouth to protest but Josh cut her off. “Please, just come over to my place and have dinner with me and we can talk about us. Just don’t break up with me without us having a conversation.” Airielle sighed before she nodded, agreeing to be at his apartment no later than 7 pm. Josh smiled and went to give her a kiss on the cheek before stopping himself. He said goodbye before leaving the gym, the smile still on his face. 

 “So you’re going to Josh’s apartment?” Yasmine asked for the 1000th time causing Airielle to sigh and roll her eyes as she finished up the final touches of her make-up. 

“Yes Yas. I’m going over to Josh’s” she paused then added  “For dinner only.” 

“On Valentine's Day?”  Airielle locked eyes with Yasmine in the mirror and arched an eyebrow. 

“Whatchu’ tryna say Yasmine?” Airielle turned around and leaned against her vanity, cocking her head to the side as she waited for Yasmine’s answer. Yasmine held her hands up defensively and let out a little chuckle. 

“Hey. I mean. The old Airielle would’ve blocked him and been moved on by now, but you must really like him.” Yasmine teased. 

Airielle rolled her eyes again and pushed past Yasmine. “Shut up,” Airielle mumbled and Yasmine’s eyes widened before she let out a squeal and started jumping up and down

“You love him!” Airielle stumbled in her heels and she whirled around and faced Yasmine. 

“No I don’t, I didn’t say that. I don’t love him, why would you say that?” Airielle rambled on and the smile started to slowly fade from Yasmine’s face as Airirlle’s breathing increased, almost to a full blown panic attack. 

“Airie chill. Relax. I was only joking.” Yasmine tried to pull Airielle into a hug but Airielle pushed her away. 

“Well, don’t joke like that Yas.” Airielle mumbled, trying her hardest to blink back tears because what Yasmine said was 100% true. She was in love with Josh and she was scared. She had only been in love one time and it ended with her in the hospital with two broken ribs, a broken ankle and a broken nose that needed to be surgically fixed. 

“Oh honey,” Yasmine sighed and pulled Airielle into a hug, despite her fighting. Yasmine rubbed her back as she broke down in her arms. “It’s okay babe. Josh ain’t nothing like Christopher and you know that which is why you gravitate towards him, he treats you way better than Christopher ever did, even before y’all got engaged.”  Yasmine lifted Airielle’s face off of her shoulder and wiped her tears away. “Now go fix your make-up and go get your man.” 

AIRIELLEJONES

liked by raymondwwe, trinity_fatu and 192,000 others

AirielleJones: Happy Valentines Day ❤️

view all comments

user: please say you back with @uceyjucey

uceyjucey: ❤️🔥 (❤️ by author)

yasmine_jones: oop trinity_fatu: oop 👀

raymondwwe: Happy V-day Rih 🫶🏽

uceyjucey: breh yasmine_jones: read the room homie (❤️ by author)

Airielle tried to stop shaking as she reached Josh’s front door but her nerves were all over the place. She took a deep breath before knocking on the door, not surprised at how quickly Josh opened it.

“Hey.” Airielle whispered, eyeing his outfit. “You look nice.” She said, smiling when he moved to the side to let her in. 

“You do too.” He said back but Airielle wasn’t listening, her eyes moving around the kitchen/dining room area in awe. 

“Josh” She whispered, tears threatening to fall from her eyes as she looked at all the balloons and rose petals he had spread out in his apartment. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day Airielle.” He whispered as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. 

His attention to detail was immaculate as he had her favorite… everything. Her favorite wine, her favorite takeout food (she noted as he did a poor job of hiding the containers in the trash) and  her favorite chocolate candy. 

“You didn’t have to do all this.” She whispered, turning around so she could look at him. 

“I know,  I wanted to,” He sighed and grabbed her hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it.. “I just wanted to show you how much you mean to me. Even if you have been ignoring me..” He said with a small smile. “You make me happy as hell Airielle and I just wanted to apologize for putting you in that situation with Tracy. I should’ve told her ass to go home when she came Friday morning, I just didn’t want her to take the boys with her.” 

“I understand that” Airielle nodded, “I just don’t want to deal with that Josh -

“And I don’t want you to have to deal with that. What T did was wrong as hell and she knows that. You don’t deserve to have my ex come and tell you a bunch of lies and I completely understand if that's you deal breaker Rih.” 

Airielle sighed. Was that a deal breaker for her? And Yas was right if Josh was anybody else she would have cut ties with him and been moved on.. So why couldn’t she? 

is this considered a cliff hanger??

Lmao.. she she realized she's in love with him, y'all think she gon tell him or walk away from him?

[m1lflov3rrr]

Hi hiiiiii! Firstly, lemme just say I absolutely ADORE your fics on wattpad and im SO thrilled you're also here on tumblr now??!?!? An absolute treat, this is <3

Anyways as for requests— can I request Larissa and/or Marilyn dealing with Y/N who's got a really bad sleeping schedule thanks to having the WORST case of insomnia? (fluff most appreciated, but IF you want somth more spicy to deal it, I wouldn't say no to it hehe 💕 :3c)

Thank you sm <3

Thank you for the request and so sorry it took literally MONTHS!!! But here it is now!! And thank you for your kind words, means so much to me <3 I really hope you enjoy this, I made a few changes to it. I don’t have that much experience with insomnia, but with sleep deprivation so I wrote about that, I hope it is okay!

No Rest for the Wicked

Pairing: Larissa Weems x fem!reader

Warnings: sleep deprivation, health issues, fainting, worrying, fluff

Word count: 2.5k

Summary: Larissa tries to help you when she notices how little you’re sleeping…

You sighed deeply as you raised your gaze from your laptop and looked out the window. A heavy fog had descended on the school grounds, reaching as far as the tired eye could see. 

The fog was persistent, it was thick. 

You felt like your thoughts were similarly clouded. You smiled at the irony. 

Returning your gaze back to your work, you looked at the time, it was way past 4 am already. Larissa would wake up soon. 

For the past few weeks it had been like this. You were staying up late, only getting a few hours of sleep a night. And sometimes, like tonight, no sleep at all. 

You felt that you didn’t have enough time. The work load you had felt like the weight of the world rested on your shoulders. You had stacks of ungraded papers, lesson plans to finalize, and a curriculum to update. 

You were exhausted. 

You tried your best to hide it, you didn’t want Larissa to get worried. Because her concern would’ve broken your heart. 

Every day went like this: You ’got up’ at 6, prepared for your lessons of the day and started at 8, taught for 8 hours straight, got back to your shared quarters and spent the rest of the night with Larissa. And after she had fallen asleep, you’d finish your work and prepare for the next day. 

You didn’t have the heart to tell your wife how much workload you’d had recently and how overwhelming it was for you. You had had difficulties in the past finding time to spend together, and after months of you both trying to work it out, it was, indeed, working. 

But lately, it had become too much. With the work, of course. You knew that Larissa would get concerned and start panicking and rushing things to make it better. You didn’t want that. She had her own job to do, which definitely had a workload twice as big as yours was. You felt pathetic. Your wife does three times the work you do in a day and you’re still stressed? Yes, pathetic. 

You finished your lesson plans for the day, just to save yourself some time later. 

It was 5:13 am when you were done. You rubbed your temples to ease your already growing headache as you got up from the desk, swayed there for a bit before making your way to the bathroom. 

You winced at your reflection in the mirror. Your dark and puffy undereyes were still there, if not even more bad and noticeable. This was the first time in your 25 years of living that you had had eye bags. You knew it was bad. 

You hopped in the shower to keep yourself up and maybe gather some energy to get through the day. At first the cold water did wake you up a bit more. Then, when you turned it a little bit warmer, you realized how bad of an idea it was. The warm water relaxed all those tense muscles in your body and you closed your eyes to enjoy the feeling. 

And your eyes stayed closed for a bit too long. If you weren’t so tired, you would have laughed at yourself. The image of you half asleep, standing in your shower. What in the actual fuck, really? 

But something made you jump and push your body’s cries for help and sleep to the back of your mind. 

”Darling?” You heard Larissa’s hoarse morning voice call out to you from the door. 

”Mhm?” You hummed as you turned the water back to cold to not almost fall asleep again. 

”Nothing, just wondering how you’re up so early every morning this week, usually it’s a task itself to get you up,” She chuckled at her own words. 

You smiled to yourself and turned the faucet off, stepping out of the shower so you could see her. 

You noticed how she was checking you out, biting her lip as her eyes roamed across your body. You smirked at her as you took your towel and dried yourself, about to wrap it around your bare body. 

She quickly snapped out of her trance and stepped forward, taking the towel in her hands and unwrapping it, causing it to drop on the floor. 

”I don’t think we’ll be needing that.” She said in a low tone as she pulled you flush against her body by your waist, attacking your neck with her mouth. 

You hummed in delight and closed your eyes in satisfaction at the sudden move, wrapping your hands around her neck. 

You let out little gasps, you couldn’t even let out a simple moan because of your sleep-deprived state. 

And it felt so good, feeling your wife’s lips on your neck, still keeping your eyes shut, leaning into her, maybe leaning too much, starting to drift off, losing your balance… 

Your eyes snapped open when your heard Larissa’s sudden, loud gasp, as she had her arms tightly wrapped around your torso to keep you from falling to the hard floor. 

”Darling, what on earth just happened here?!” She asked in shock as you stood up. 

You took a moment to process what she just said, just because you couldn’t think as fast as usual. 

”What? M’sorry, just got a little.. distracted there, I think..” You responded hazily, trying to focus your eyes to look into hers. 

She ducked her head a bit, trying to get a closer look of you and inspecting your condition. ”Are you alright? You had me worried there, are you sure you want to go to work today? You can take the day off, okay?” 

Your eyes widened in panic, ”No, no, Rissa I am absolutely fine, and I will not be taking the day off. You shouldn’t be concerned, I am okay.” You said hurriedly and walked away, leaving your wife standing in the bathroom, extremely confused and concerned. 

-

”Okay, I think it’s time we all head for lunch, see you guys tomorrow!” You announced the class with a smile, packing your things and leaving for the dining hall. As you entered the hall, you seached for your wife with your eyes, as you always ate lunch together. She wasn’t there. 

You yelped loudly when you felt someone grab your shoulder from behind, causing some people nearby to look at your weirdly. You turned around, ”God, you scared me, Rissa,” You breathed out. 

She just responded with a laugh, sliding her arm to the small of your back and guiding you to walk together to get the food. 

As you sat down, you began eating in silence. You opened a can of energy drink, something that you’d been drinking a lot these days. You didn’t usually even drink those that often, but you needed something to keep you up and awake. 

Larissa sent you a scolding look, a frown tugging at her lips. ”Y/N, what’s this?” 

You widened your eyes, you didn’t want her to find out like this. Or any other way. ”Oh, that’s just an energy drink. Thought it might give me a little boost.” 

She narrowed her eyes slightly, ”A boost? Y/N, darling, this isn’t healthy. Are you not sleeping enough?” 

You smiled, but it was forced. ”Rissa, I’m fine. It’s just been a busy week.” 

She sighed, looking at you with worry-filled eyes. ”Y/N, I can see something is going on, don’t shut me out. Whatever it is, I’m here to help you. We’re a team, remember?” 

Your gaze softened, you were really lucky to have her. But you didn’t want her to know. You didn’t want her you worry about you, because when Larissa got worried, it was all she could think about. She couldn���t work, rest, do anything. She’d have to get to the bottom of it. 

You pursed your lips and took her hand in yours, ”I know, and I appreciate that. But I’ve got this, Rissa. Trust me.” 

-

It had been a few days since that, and your condition and fatigue were only growing worse. Your work load seemed to have doubled since that day. You were trying (and struggling) to stay awake with the constant consumption of caffeine. 

The fog was growing thicker and thicker. You barely could see where you were walking. 

Larissa had had enough. She had been watching your extremely concerning situation unfold in the past few days into something much more worrying. She couldn’t bear seeing you suffer like this for a moment longer. This had to end now. 

You were sitting in your classroom, head buried in your hands as you tried to take a deep breath so that the pounding headache you had recently gotten would go away. You’d taken more aspirin than you probably should have, but it didn’t do anything. You were feeling miserable, physically, and that way, emotionally, too. 

Your eyes began to feel heavier and heavier, and you almost didn’t hear the sharp knock on your classroom door. You flinched harshly at that, squeaking a quiet, ”It’s open.” 

You heard the door opening and the familiar clacking of heels filled the room. 

”Darling?” 

Her voice was soft, almost a little wary. 

You raised your gaze to meet hers, ”Yes?” 

Her eyes were filled with concern, barely hidden. ”I’m worried about you. I can see that something’s going on, and if you’d just please, please let me in, I could help you. Okay?” 

You pursed your lips. You knew this was coming. ”Larissa there is absolutely no reason for you to worry. I am fine, okay?” Your voice was a mixture of frustration and exhaustion. 

”No, you’re not.” She snarled, her tone of voice contrasting the one she had just moments prior. ”You’ve been running on fumes for days! Darling, this… this can’t go on any longer.” Her voice broke as her eyes held a silent plea. 

Your jaw clenched, eyes fixed on the floor. ”I can handle it.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, and it was becoming harder and harder to keep convincing yourself that. 

”Y/N you almost collapsed earlier! This can’t go on.” She stepped closer, reaching her hand out to touch your shoulder. 

You shrugged off her touch, ”It was nothing. Just a moment of dizziness.” 

Larissa scoffed, her patience was wearing thin. ”And what happens when it’s not just a moment? What happens when you can’t get back up?” 

Something in that comment did it. Your eyes flashed with fury as your tone of voice turned into one laced with venom.  ”You just don’t get it, Larissa! I can fucking handle myself!” 

Her brows furrowed and you could’ve sworn you almost saw her flinch a little. ”Look, I am not trying to belittle you. I just want and need you to take care of yourself.” 

Your head tilted as your eyes held nothing but defiance in them. You felt your breathing pick up, uncontrollably, and how that pounding headache seemed to double, you started feeling a little lightheaded. But you chose to do what you’d been doing for god knows how long now. You ignored it. 

”I don’t, I don’t need you constantly watching over me.” You said, out of breath. 

Your wife’s expression dropped as she realized your condition and what could be happening next. She approached you cautiously, attempting to try and calm you down. ”Y/N, darling, this is not about control. It’s about caring for you.” She told calmly, cupping your face with her soft palm. 

You shook your head, ”You suffocate me, Larissa! I can’t breathe with you hovering over me all the time!” 

Larissa’s heart sank at that. She never meant for it to come to this. She only wanted the best for you, to protect you. 

”Y/N, please, I…” 

Your breathing laboured and before she could finish, your legs gave way and you collapsed on the cold, hard floor. 

”Y/N!” Larissa’s voice came out as a terrified cry as she rushed forward to try and catch you, but she was too late. 

Tears welled up in her eyes as she knelt beside you, shaking you gently and trying to wake you up. ”Y/N, can you hear me?! Please, say something..” 

Your eyes fluttered open, but you couldn’t focus on anything. Your breathing was still laboured and the words you tried to speak came out as a strained whisper. 

”Y/N, I’m taking you to the infirmary.” She breathed out as she scooped you up in her arms and rushed out the classroom. 

-

Since then, you and Larissa made an agreement. Well, you didn’t have much say in it, since Larissa demanded it. 

Larissa began monitoring your schedule, making sure you were following the new schedule she had made for you. And there was no room for negotiaton, absolutely no exceptions. 

Larissa also began cooking more, preparing the meals with care and love, making sure each one was balanced with important nutrients to get your energy levels for the better. 

Bedtime was the most strictly monitored. As evening approached, Larissa would guide you through a calming routine. She’d prepare a warm bath with your favourite scents, she’d slip in as well and wash your hair for you, massaging your head to calm you down. Then, she’d dress you into comfortable pyjamas and lead you to bed, prepare you a nice cup of tea and dim the lights. 

And she’d lull you to sleep with soothing caresses and words of affirmation, telling you how much she loved you, again and again, kissing your whole body as she did so. 

And it worked perfectly. You were feeling both, physically and mentally better. The dark circles under your eyes were slowly fading away, your energy starting to gain back. You also growed to appreciate your wife a thousand times more.

One evening, you were sitting in your shared bedroom, by your desk. Your laptop was open and you were determined to finish grading some papers for your students. Then, Larissa entered the room, the stern look on her face telling everything. ”Darling, it’s time for dinner.” 

You sighed, closing the laptop as you didn’t want to argue about it. And you were starving too. 

You ate in silence with her, you occasionally stealing glances at her. The way she fussed about your portion sizes, making sure you got the right nutrients for your health - you heart warmed as it was all an expression of love. 

Once you were finished, she led you to bed, undressing you and helping you with your pyjamas. I could’ve done that myself, you thought. 

”Now, off to bed. You need your rest, dearest.” 

You smiled as she laid down next to you, caressing your hair and kissing you softly. And you kissed her back, again and again.  Soon, you fell into a peaceful slumber, under Larissa’s loving gaze. She laid a final kiss on your forehead, ”I love you, my darling.” She whispered before drifting off as well. 

And if you looked outside, you’d have noticed that the fog had finally cleared.