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myun-saidthoughts · 2 years

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8TH House Synastry: Comparing 3 Different People and How They All Make the HOUSE Person (Me) Feel.

I have 3 people in my life that fall in my 8th house and they all manifest VERY differently even though i'm the house person in all scenarios.

For background: I'm a Capricon Sun/Rising with Scorpio Moon and have an active 12H (Pluto, Venus, Mercury, Chiron and Lilith)

(I also have a disorganized attachment style and if you know you know)

Person 1: His Moon and Venus fall in my 8H, and they make many aspects to my inner planets.

Below are only the aspects of his two planets in my 8H making to my chart.

Both of those planets tightly opposes my Mars, his Moon squares my Venus (My 5H Ruler), his Venus and Moon trine my Lilith, Mercury, Ascendant, and Jupiter, and his Moon sextiles my Moon (My 7H Ruler)

Side note: His mars is in my 1H, (conjunct my ascendant) and we share more lilith aspects (hard and soft aspects), his South Node conjuncts my Ascendant, I think my Eros or Venus conjuncts his rising, (don't have his exact time of birth)

AND his Neptune squares my Moon. (a major natal placement that I have)

That being said with this particular boy, I have experienced the very stereotypical 8H dynamic. I'm obsessed with him, I think he is so attractive, (objectively and conventionally) I have cried over him multiple times over nothing because of how intense I feel for him, any slight energy change feels like the world is ending. When it's good it's GOOD but when the energy and expectations of how I would want him to treat me is not met, I get so low.

When my expectations are not met, I feel so irritated. Once he didn't say hi to me immediately and I cried on the way home. Prior to that the entire time at the party I was moping and I wanted to leave. He did eventually come up to say hi but the energy affected me so much.

We share mutual friends but nothing ever gets passed the flirting and physical stage. He was the first boy in my life where I went up to and kissed in front of people and that energy is not me, I don't do PDA but with him I can't help it. I just want him.

When I was with him for two days consecutively I easily became so used to his energy, so much so that without him the following days I felt numb. Nothing made me 'high' like that so I moped for like a week. It's like I suddenly craved his presence?

I want to show him the vulnerable side of me, I want to be open. The idea feels safe for me and naturally nothing scares me more, so to of found a boy that made me feel okay with being seen, I was hooked. It's so easy to allow yourself to want them and it's so easy to romantically be open towards them. You don't have any fear of being emotionally vulnerable.

The thing about 8H synastry; you know you shouldn't go towards this person because you know how badly they can hurt you, but you can't help it. You can't help but still want this person to be apart of your life, even if that means them being the ones who end up hurting you in a way no one ever has.

Them leaving somehow hurts more than them inconsistently staying.

It's interesting because the way he interacts with me feels soft, emotional and I feel that he wants to be held, there's a part of me that wants to give him that. In one instance he just laid his head on my shoulder, with no words and I just held him.

I'm pretty sure my Moon (and even Venus) is in his 12H and there's been times where he would know how I'm feeling with no words. Once I walked into a bar and had to leave immediately when I got there (before saying hi to him) I see him, smile and go up to him to hug him (wishing I could've stayed) he blurts out "You're leaving?!" I have no clue how he knew that since that was my first hello towards him at that bar. Another time when I was at a party with him and he wasn't giving me that much attention so I was moping and just sort of avoiding conversation with others and so the second I went to go cry in the restroom I walked passed him and I heard "Wait!" I ignored it because but I said to myself was that him? There's no real tangible reason why he should feel responsible for me. Some of me thinks a part of him felt that? I know he knows I care, my emotions can't be hidden from him in any way. This could be biased but there's just a lot of "I know what you're thinking" and vice versa.

(We also share more Neptune/Psyche/Eros/Lilith synastry: his Psyche is in my 8H and my Psyche conjuncts his Lilith)

Everytime I see him we flirt and are touchy with each other, the chemistry is OBVIOUS and I don't hold back any desire. When we were making out I literally said to his face "I want you" (we share more mars-venus/mars-asc/moon-mars synastry) So this is all very typical 8H energy.

I want him to want to kiss me so bad, he just grabs me and kisses me. (Ha ha update funny enough he actually has said that sentence word for word to me in person😏)

That being said, I do feel more obsessed and dependent on him. So this relates to exactly what you read with this synastry, it's intoxicating, amazing, overwhelming, full of emotion and desire.

So all of this energy is literally the only way I would ever fall for someone, so there's that.

(And he is my exact physical type).

Update: I haven't seen the boy in 2 months and I feel like i'm with-drawling. Knowing I could have seen him was worse than me not seeing him. (date 10/6/22)

Update: Ok so I haven't seen him and It's been 5 months now and I am still struggling. It comes in waves mainly. It's so easy to idealize our past interactions and so easy for me to hold onto him since the feeling he used to give me was so intense. I do miss feeling like that yet I go back and fourth with feeling unsatisfied and low to letting it go. (1/2/23)

Update: I finally ran into him. So, he's been doing his own thing for so long and he finally went out on Saturday to the club. He passes me and I tapped him saying “Hi” he looked at me and said “I'm leaving” (I think) So no hug and I said “Okay." I haven't seen or spoken to him in 8 months, so I cried (or more like sobbed) coming home because it hurts, these expectations that manifest from this synastry is a lot, it overwhelms and I didn’t think I was going to be this affected but still I am. (2/4/23) *insight: he was dating his girl-best friend that despised my existence during this time but they broke up in March of 2023 - 1/23/24*

Update: I saw him again, and I didn't cry. I walk up to him and he instantly says, "How are you, how is school going for you?" I responded and then his friend whom I don't know walked over and pushed him out of the way. His friend was overly attentive towards me, and his friend called me cute, while speaking to me but I was just looking at him (the 8h synastry boy). After a minute or two, he started yelling to his friend to come, and his friend ignored, he then shouted his friends name, and nothing, finally his friend got closer and closer to my face, and I moved away (and the second he saw that), he instantly grabbed his friend by the neck and shoulders and shoved his friend away from me? I was not forthcoming towards the friend since I still have this psycho loyalty to him but anyway after his friend called me cute and after he pulled his friend away, the friend couldn't even look or speak to me after? His friend was afraid of me lmfao, just so avoidant. I barely spoke to him after (the boy I share 8h synastry with) but we kept making eye contact. His friend then was staring at me and was dabbing him up, saying like "no way man" while grinning and patting his back and grabbing his neck? Then the 8h synastry boy and his friend who dabbed him up, was walking towards me and I saw his eyes, then he abruptly turned and decided to talk to the girl who was next to me instead? He walked away then later on I passed him and tapped onto him saying "Hi," he said "Hi" we conversed for a second and then he said "I have to go find my friend." I don't understand his cute energy at the very beginning and the pulling away/shoving of his friend, and the friend being overly cautious and avoidant to me after, and that same friend dapping him up (saying yes man admiring him in a way), and then him talking to a girl next to me? Then him walking away leaving us with barely having any conversation? I feel like he got jealous i received attention from his friend and since he cares that makes him upset? like he gets annoyed at himself for being jealous because he has no right too? that's just how i feel though. Anyway interesting night. (5/2/23)

Update: I saw him again and he didn't go up to me to say hi, instead he just walked over to where I was 3 times and stood there, with no conversation; so that hurt. I had a feeling I was going to see him out so I had expectations, when I saw him last that was out of no where so I had no expectations, it's like when I'm aware I might run into his energy that's when I get the 8H effect but when it's completely random I feel like I have no set claim and however he treats me is somehow okay (how he talked to that girl right next to me instead of giving me attention was somehow ok in my book because I didn't expect to see him out, but him not saying hi or bye at a place where I expected to see him was what broke me. I also in general have low respect for myself, meaning if someone treats me poorly it's somehow justifiable; especially with him (5/6/23)

Update: Guys, i saw him last night and he was so flirtatious towards me, the second he saw me he complimented me instantly, but he was SO drunk. At the beginning of our convo he was just talking to my sister and my friend and I wasn't really involved and I just looked at him & in my mind I was like hellooo are you going to talk to me so I just stared a few times and I feel like he knew what I was feeling because he suddenly put his arm around me and didn't let go. I was so painfully sober so I was so shy and taken back by this energy. After my friend and sister left, he was grabbing me, holding onto me, he literally said "you look so cute tonight" "when i first saw you all i wanted to do was grab you, pull you in and kiss you" "can i kiss you?" cupping my cheeks as he was kissing me, holding my waist, asking for longer kisses and everyone saw. There were all our mutual friends watching so I kept being so shy, he kelt saying "you're the prettiest girl here" "if you want a drink just go up to any man at the bar and ask for one" "i want you" and at the beginning my friend was being overly aggressive (long story) and he was like "okay since youre her (me) friend you can say whatever, her niceness overcompensates anything you say" but once we were alone he just grabbing me complimenting me, saying he wants me, and i just kept laughing and smiling and kind of rushing the kisses because people were looking and so i said everyone's watching and he was like "so what i wanna kiss you" at one point i just kept laughing and he was kissing my cheek and he said "do you even want to kiss me?" bc i was so shy. Prior to this entire thing he completely ignored me while his friend hugged and talked to me, and so i mentioned that, and he was like "i dont want to pressure you or interrupt you when you're talking to someone, i wanna let you do you" ?? something like that, I feel like he was convinced that i didn't like him anymore because it's been so long. After we just kept flirting and he was just holding onto my waist, looking into my eyes, pulling me in, it was a 15 minute conversation and he was just insistently complimenting me. Then he got a phone call & his friend was looking for him, and he said "i have to go, kiss me goodbye" and i did and it was rushed again because i was nervous as fuck and he said "no i want a better kiss, kiss me again" I don't feel this crazy high or crazy in love so i'm so confused on how that's even possible? I feel normal like as if it didn't happen? Maybe i'm in shock and i'm disbelief lmao. (this is probably venus retrograde and he has a lot of mars/venus/moon/jupiter conjuncts/soft transits happening to his chart) (7/15/23)

Update: So I saw him last night, and he didn't acknowledge my existence or say hi. He actually passed me as if he didn't know me, his ex was there and she hates me (because they dated after knowing he wanted me first, they ended things but she became sui*cial because the relationship wasn't working anyway different story for a different day), but regardless him acting like that shattered me. The value and loss I feel is deep. He has never not said hi to me before, he has acted weird like this in the past but that was when we would consistently talk or see each other out? i haven't spoken to him since August and nothing romantic has happened since July? What's notable about this is the fact that this connection just can't be light hearted, His lack of assurance shatters any value i have within, his lack of attention creates my self worth void to grow. We never have dated, we have never even formally hung out one on one yet this doesn't feel like a shallow connection, especially on my end. (10/26/23)

Update: guess who finally saw him! Regarding the last update, his ex (the one who hates me) now has a boyfriend so I'm not sure if his shitty behavior was because of that but regardless I saw him last night. He hugged & walked up to me and I said "you look cute!" while smiling and he smiled big & said "you look cute!" then throughout the night after we kept looking over at one another (03/27/24) Update: So..I saw him again and it was nothing special. He said hi but I wasn't enthralled, he still had my attention but for some reason he felt more closed off. A weird instance did occur though. His best friend was talking to me and then he started talking to these three girls next to us? His best friend is someone I know as well but in the conversation his best friend said to me "let's take a selfie together!" to which he looked over in confusion, then after that he said to his other friend (not the one I was talking too) "Yo man I want you to meet this girl" ???? well as I was talking to his best friend he didn't come up to join the conversation, instead he just looked over all confused and stared, he only made a face and talked to the three girls next to us. Weird ass behavior fr. (04/10/24)

Update: alright....well guess who saw him again and the energy he had was completely different. Immediately when we made eye contact he stopped walking and smiled then he motioned me over to come say hi to which I did and we hugged. But when I tell you...he. looked. so. cute. I was taken back, I touched his jacket and said, "you look nice tonight" and he smirked, looked at me up and down while pulling me in a little and said "you look cute" then we conversed and i said "are you drinking tn" he said "hell yeah" but when I tell you the second we made eye contact I knew he was in a different wavelength than last time. BUT OK red flag here, he made out with two different girls🙂 and I had to fight back tears at one point not even because he was kissing other girls but because our conversation just wasn't what I wanted/expected. He weirdly never saw that I saw him makeout with those girls, BUT when he was plainly hugging that girl he was kissing, I just look over and he then randomly looks up the same time I looked, so we made eye contact for a few seconds but I turned around and as I turn around he bolts away from that girl and is somehow in front of me? I just walked away but later on he comes up to me and says "Have you seen ****" and I pointed to who he was asking for and I walked away. We just kept having long periods of staring, I can't help it at all like gun to my head I'd still stare. Then as I was leaving I see him and you want to know what he does? AFTER making out with two different girls? he PULLS me in and grabs my waist? As I was looking up at him I said "are you going to the after" and he said "Idk are you?" while holding me and I said "yes" and he said "Then i'll see you there" We didn't even talk at the after just had more periods of blatant stares? In one instance ANOTHER girl who I'm not sure if she was the one he kissed comes over and sits on his lap, placing her legs between his. When I tell you he tried avoid eye contact with me when that happened but guess what, I kept staring. For some reason all of this didn't break my soul because 1. Im delusional and I think I somehow mean more to him than others 2. With those girls I know theres no emotion connection so I somehow justify it/say it's okay and 3. Our long period of staring shows some care, and the way he holds jealousy/dislike when his friends give me attention. Those three thoughts kept my heartache at bay. ANYWAY when she was on his lap he didn't even converse with her? She would ask him questions and he would just say one word answers? Idgi because sometimes he overcompensates to show me he doesn't care about me by talking to a girl in front of me but now last night when he held another girl/a girl sits on his lap he gives that girl the cold shoulder? Like does this make sense?? To anyone? Anyway he looked so fucking pretty and I wish I was lying or exaggerating. There is a reason two different girls made out with him (relatively strangers) and another (or the same girl) sat on his LAP. But in my delusional brain I think I would die more if he cupped another girls face the way he did mine or if he said "kiss me goodbye" to another girl, that would shatterrrr me because of the emotional factor. With me I notice he becomes more masculine and he wants to hold me etc but when he was making out with those girls it was messy and he didn't think twice to just leave when he wanted too. Again I know how this sounds; i'm just word vomiting this. Point is I can't help but care and there's always this underlying tension. Welp I want him again. (Date 4/26/24)

Person 2: His Moon is in my 8H.

His Moon conjuncts my Vertex, opposes my Uranus, and Neptune, and his Moon trines my Pluto.

There's no aspects from his Moon to any of my inner planets.

(his South Node conjuncts my Sun, his Mars tightly conjuncts my Lilith and his ascendant tightly squares my Lilith)

(I am the Pluto and Lilith in these aspects; but his Moon is in my 8H, although with certain housing systems my Moon could fall in his 8H since he is a late Pisces rising)

With this boy, when I first laid eyes on him I was drawn in, he is cute, my type, but not entirely so compared to the first boy. There is sexual attraction though. When I'm drunk I can feel myself getting intimate with him which is incredibly rare for me. Yet there is no obsession or desire that's overwhelming me. Fear of vulnerability was always something that lingered even with him. (a boy I share 8H synastry with) I didn't like the idea of him seeing me, or me opening up. He asked me to do lunch a bunch of times but when I was sober I didn't like him really, as much as I did when I was drunk. I sometimes even would avoid texting him because I knew he would ask to hangout. He was definitely more emotional available (the way I'm not).

Nothing crazy ever happened between us besides some quite innocent kisses. Hence when we did kiss, I didn't have this urge to take things further or to create a more steamy scenario.

I'll admit though only when I am drunk do I find myself wanting to speak to him in a flirtatious manner which I don't do to anyone else, ever. I do find myself thinking of him when I am drunk and only when I see him in my peripheral vision?? I don't feel comfortable with being open or with showing him off, it's more attractive to me for him to be someone to sneak around with and have our tension be underlying, only where him and I can feel or see it, away from the public eye. I'm being really transparent lmfao.

In our Composite Chart we have: Lilith, South Node, Mars, Venus, Neptune and Mercury in the 12H

Update: So I do see this boy out often and like I said there's always an underlying feeling of tension but nothing is overwhelming me really to want him. I would only want to sneak around with him in a secretive manner; even if he was single, I only prefer it being in that dynamic. The feeling isn't near obsessive though, I can look at him and feel nothing too deep. I think it's because *I* am not consciously allowing him in, therefore the 8th house synastry is not being activated. Since I don't have that intention of truly wanting him, I don't feel the 8th house effects, especially since his Moon does not form any aspects to my inner planets. More than anything there's more of a hidden tension that I feel from him, even though there's no words stating these things, I can just read it through his eyes? This all screams mainly our Lilith synastry (date: 2/4/23)

Person 3: His Moon and rising are in my 8H.

His Moon conjuncts my North Node and Vertex, his rising conjuncts my Vertex, his Moon opposes my Neptune, his Ascendant opposes my Mars, his Moon Squares my Saturn, and Moon (My 7H Ruler), his Ascendant trines my Jupiter, Pluto, and Venus. (My 5H Ruler)

So for reference i'll just state all our close fated synastry: His vertex conjuncts my rising & mercury, his venus conjuncts my IC, his south node conjuncts my sun, ascendant and widely conjuncts my mercury (6 degrees), his moon conjuncts my north node, his moon and rising conjuncts my vertex, my mars conjuncts his descendant, & his vertex widely conjuncts my sun (7 degree orb)

So with this boy it's only platonic feelings. When I first met him three years ago and I have never romantically cared for him, there isn't any intense attraction for me. He is cute but not really my type. He is also younger, and he has dated my friend so there really isn't any romantic or sexual feelings anywhere. The most interesting thing with this relationship is how I feel close to him, I feel safe to state, act, and be just how I am, with no filter, care or even worry. It is SO easy with him but we share so much Vertex and Nodal synastry. I care for him deeply but I still don't feel the dire desire to share myself to him. There's been numerous times where I have thought of him and he has texted me in those same moments. So there is this telepathic vibe that we have as well. I believe since he allowed me in we both could feel each other compared to other friendships. That being said, there is no tension or desire to have him romantically in any way. I do however have this expected claim for him? I notice when he doesn't say hi or come up to me, my mood shifts and I also get annoyed when other people intrude our conversations. I expect a certain response/energy for him and I need him to match it to keep me not hurt. This feels like more 8H energy since it's like our relationship takes on more Scorpio (8H) traits, and I can feel the difference with him compared to other people. He also gets jealous and protective over me, any attention I receive from boys he is keenly aware and makes sure he says Hi to them. He feels a lot with me (he called me his comfort zone too and he always exclaims how much he cares and loves me as a person PLATONICALLY, I know how that sounds but truly if I could place my feelings on here you would understand I just love him as a friend and vice versa, I believe that feeling comes from his Venus conjuncting my IC) I also do feel a high from his presence, I get happy and I feel secure, safe, and in the moment.

Update: He is infatuated with his girlfriend so he's been MIA, though I want him happy he is hurting my feelings. We haven't spoken in a few weeks and I understand why, I do respect him and his girlfriend and I know I don't have this 'expected right' to his energy (logically so) but his absence does hurt me. I'm letting it go though because his relationship has nothing to do with me and again this is probably 8H synastry. (date: 11/23/22)

Update: So I saw him and he was with his girlfriend, I still care about him a lot but I consciously told myself to create a barrier with my emotion so he wouldn't hurt me. He is choosing her over me which is understandable and that's why I decided to create this block for me. He tried conversing with me instantly but I was stand offish. His girlfriend is insecure with us and that's another reason why I wasn't initiating conversations. He kept looking at me and his girlfriend was acting weird asf, she was grabbing his face so he wouldn't look at me and intensely kissing him? Anyway I do want him happy and I'm accepting how things are at face value. I have to consciously tell myself to not place more value onto him because I know I can. And me caring deeply again would only take 2 seconds lmao. (4/1/23)

Update: He is single now! I sometimes feel the need to lower my energy or attention towards him when we are out because I just feel what everyone is thinking, lmao. He also can READ my mind, he knows exactly what I am thinking ALL the time, without a doubt, has no hesitation and exceeds my expectations as a friend (especially since I have a 11H Scorpio Moon) I appreciate that deeply. (His Venus is in my 4H, his Moon and rising are in my 8H, and his Mars is in my 12H, so we have immense amount of water house synastry so telepathic energy x10. He has no water influence in his chart besides a 12th house Moon and Scorpio IC and maybe 8th house Venus depending on housing but he sincerely and whole heartedly knows my exact thoughts with EASE, he knows what my soul needs to hear in order to feel "okay") Date 10/15/23

Update: NVM he is back with her, I haven't hanged out with him since October. I'm so nostalgic and I miss his energy, he went to one halloween party with her and he didn't give me the expectation I was hoping for (meaning he said hi but barely because he was distracted with other people but since I have such high expectations from him I was sad he didn't exceed them) I drunkenly texted him saying "you hurt me" and then I apologized for that text because it was out of line and he responded saying "whaaat i'm genuinely so sorry if i did something, i think i was just really distracted but I genuinely never want to hurt you" and i said "no its okay! i'm sorry again it's okay hope you had fun!" Like .... 8th house synastry does NOT mess around! Everything feels so intensely and it can't be light hearted when there is care involved. Since I allowed him in (vice versa) I feel this 8th house effects. I understand his distance since his girlfriend HATES me with a passion, she openly complains about me to him and has been throughout their entire relationship and from an outside perspective I get it, I do. He is dating her not me but wow, 8th house synastry just makes everything heavy. I expect his undivided attention when I shouldn't especially since he has a GF that I know he cares about. Point is, even with knowing that the 8th house effects brings in illogicalness, nothing truly really matters to me just him and I, BUT I consciously always have to place a barrier due to his gf so I won't feel hurt. Date 10/31/23

That being said, I think when people say 8H synastry is confusing because of how differently it can manifest.

Initial attraction/desire and aspects of the planets in your 8H I think makes the entire connection (especially if you're as closed off as I am).

First Boy: We share the most sexual energy and stereotypically 8H feelings, and I think our aspects indicate as such. There is instant initial attraction, personally, he is a 10 out of 10 in my eyes with or without the synastry overlays I would find this boy so attractive. His physical appearance is everything I find attractive in a boy. He can read me like a book and I can't hide my desire for him, I want to be vulnerable and care for him, I want him to see all of me and I feel comfortable with that idea. Everything feels deep and falls into my core, I can feel myself being able to truly fall for him. Any and all of his actions affect me on a profound level and I can't help but show my affection/dissatisfaction for him in public. (In our Composite we have Libra Moon, Venus, and MC)

Second Boy: Initial attraction was there so I did pursue him but the aspects we had were not intense so the intensity was much lower compared to the first boy. I have thought of kissing him while he had a gf which is weird af for me (maybe that's lilith?). Attraction did somewhat fade away after a year. There is no intense desire, only when I'm drunk and more open do I let my guard down, and would be willing to flirt or kiss. He feels more like a forbidden fruit (this feels like lilith energy) kind of interest in my opinion, my interest in him lies in the fact he wants me but can't have me, and the fact I want him in a more secretive way. Underlying tension and teasing gets me more, I don't care to get into the depths of his soul really unlike the first boy. I only seeing myself sneaking off somewhere with him if I was bored and drunk. (Which I did once)

Third boy: No initial attraction, the planet and rising that fell in my 8H made some intense aspects to my inner planets (Mars, Moon & Venus). There is no intense obsession or romantic desire if at all on my end. I do think of him a lot especially now because we are so close. Him replying my texts does shift my mood, and I see a noticeable difference, since I allowed him in, it's like a 'high. (similar to the first boy) I do place him on a pedestal, and his actions do affect me even though there's no obsession or sexual urge towards him. I do notice I need him to treat me in a certain way (friend wise) so I won't be disappointed or hurt but I know that's probably 8H synastry talking. His absence does affect me.

Lastly, I don't easily form feelings towards anyone; ever, like genuinely. I physically get sick at the idea of ever receiving love, in this life my biggest lesson/karma is accepting affection and vulnerability, I'm working through it but for me it's 100x harder than another person. To gain curiosity, let alone interest there would have to be certain things that would have to take place, and I would have to feel a specific way. I need to be attracted mentally, emotionally and physically. I have abandonment issues (disorganized attachment style) I fear commitment and stable 'love' so, for the first boy to make me feel the way I do is unreal. He genuinely checks off every crazy box of mine. But I don't really know him. Could this just be the 8H synastry talking?

Note: (Normally for me to care about someone universal coincidences and experiences have to happen, there has to be some random crazy thing that happens in my life per se that this person is connected to e.g, meeting him online & him being across the world, then one random night I bump into him in a local LA bar, e.g, meeting him online when he lives in another state + no correlation to my going out scene and a month later randomly seeing him out at a party with the same people I always go out with and casually know (hint that happened with the first boy) e.g, someone I keep running into or having an unexpected pull towards to. Things like that will only get my attention. This stems from my 12H Venus)

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