#A few I’ve shared with a friend
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new character that’s been taking up my brain lately!! thinking about mave a lot…
— my dnd oc, maverick “mave” (they/she/xe)
🌟 Instagram | Twitter | Youtube | Ko-fi 🌟
#i refrain from talking abt them more but i give u guys an art crumb here :>#dungeons and dragons#dnd#d&d#dungeons & dragons#original art#dnd oc#dnd character#dnd art#sorry i don’t post as often these days#getting used to drawing ocs / original art and just sharing them amongst my friends and dnd group#i got like 3 other dnd characters i’ve drawn up in the past few months but haven’t rlly shared them publicly#aughjskdh#casu art#casu ocs#maverick#my shtuff
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the konig fic is almost done y’all we’ve broken 65k i am so excited!!! aiming for the end of this month!!!
#let me know if you’d like to be on the tag list :)#AAAAAAAAAAAA#it’s a fun one for sure#i am so eager to share with all of you this is all i’ve been working on the past few months#just need to finish out the smut and do some house keeping and then it’s yours babies <3#when i say slow burn i mean reader is 40k in and just realized they’re friends 😭#i love writing!!!!!!!!!#konig#call of duty#uhohspeaks
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Oh my god, just work on your art, Fae. Just work on your fucking art. You have so many things ready to edit and they’re not even that difficult, literally just sit on your ass and work on it. Work on the art, Fae. Do it! Work on the fucking ART! JUUUST!!! DO IT!!!
WORK ON THE FUCKING ART, FAE!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
#i just#motivation has been kinda low#bc I’ve worked so hard on Fae as a whole but so few people give a fuck#and i see other people’s personas have so much adoration and notoriety#and i just feel like a poser or unwanted#i see myself and Fae in other characters that are kinda rough assholes with soft hearts and I’m like#why don’t others see what i see in me#which sounds extremely conceited but idk#there’s just good in me and humor in me that i wanna share#but lately no one seems to want to hear it besides close friends#which i adore!!!#but i want a little more#is that so bad?#fae deserves a spotlight#i wanna be loved#i want fae to be loved especially#i wanna be a part of meaningless controversies#and have connections in medium places#ugh#rant i guess
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snapshots from a summer’s evening
pentax 17, kodak ultramax 400
#my new camera! it’s a half frame so instead of 36 pics I get 72#which means I’ve taken a lot more ‘mundane’ and candid shots#(not that I’ll be sharing candida of family and friends on here)#overall happy with the quality but a few were either under or over exposed so I need to figure out how to actually use it lol im used to#manually setting everything on my leica and rollei#photography#my photography#kodak#pentax 17
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hey cuties in my phone. i just want you to know i love you very much and life is so fucking hard but so worth living and if it’s dark for you rn just know i am rooting for you and i hope things get easier <3.
#i just want u to know that if u think no one cares i do!!!!!#on a little break but I’ll be back to it soon just need to process everything#tw death#also warning for mention of suic*de if you continue in these tags i just need to vent#i love u all dw im ok<3#it never gets easier when someone i know my age passes away. Especially when they take their life.#i grew up in a bad area a lot of us had bad lives and I’ve lost ppl before. but this one hurts a lot. so much actually.#we were both in the psych ward together as teens and exchanged facebooks to stay friends. she understood me on a level very few ever could#she had a tattoo inspired by a memory of us. we shared something I’ve never found with anyone else. and now she is gone.#i always hoped life would get easier for her. why doesn’t it get easier for such good people? questions my brain can’t comprehend#i hope she’s found the peace she was so cruelly denied here :/#I think i have cried until there are no more tears in my body rn#ramblings
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#the thing about this fandom is that I don’t feel like I can share opinions without backlash.#antis are scary#larries can be scary#and while I’ve always felt like a larrie part of me doesn’t feel like I fit in because I hold views that are considered ‘hot takes’#and I’m scared that I will lose friends and followers and readers if I ever decide not to be a larrie anymore#I’m not at the point of unlarrying right now and I’m not saying that I’ll ever be#but it just makes me sad how divided this fandom is and how I don’t really feel safe in a lot of it#and it’s all just supposed to be fun. fandom is supposed to be fun#but I feel like people get way too intense#I don’t know maybe I need a break#maybe I need to step away from social media and just work on my fics and talk to a few close friends#it’s a maybe for now#just thinking I guess#I’m just so overwhelmed
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chugs made me cry today 🥹💗
#a few people were sharing how important the chugs army has been#so I shared a couple hard things I’ve gone through this year to highlight that having his community has helped so much#despite my constant questioning as to whether or not people actually like me and I actually belong#everyone there continues to be so kind that I keep interacting and making friends despite those constant thoughts#and of course our dear chuggernaut 💗💗💗💗#will forever love this dude#save forever#the chugs
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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Oh also!!
This blog recently hit 300 followers! It really means so much to see so many people enjoying not only my art but my headcanons and OCs too, even my fics. I feel like I grow more as artist every time I post so thanks so much for all the love and support! 💗
#angie.txt#300 of y’all here enjoying my stuff is insane like. I’m just happy to occupy this little corner of fandom with you guys ❤️#I’ve made some cool friends over the past few months and I’ve really just been enjoying myself on this blog#especially with my OCs and everything which I was terrified to share at first but I love that y’all love them too and UGH I’m emotional lol
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#my art#genshin impact#I was thinking about how much Collei would get along with Kazuha and wanderer#then realized how about they all be friends#I’ve been brainrotting this over the past few days#I need to share them with the world#if anyone is wondering what their dynamic is my asks are open#please someone talk to me about them I need someone who loves their friendship like I do#(they’ve sadly never met in game because hoyo hates character interaction)#also idk if people read these but please only read them as platonic ty <3#Collei genshin#kaedehara kazuha#wanderer genshin#genshin impact art
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i think i’ve spent so much time keeping my writing completely to myself that idk how to start talking about it again
#i used to write fanfic and loved being part of a writing community#then for the past few years i’ve been only working on an original work#and working very very slowly at that#and didn’t rly want to share it with anyone until it was better slash more done#but like if i wanna be published i gotta be able to talk about and share my work#and i so so miss having writing friends#so guess i’d better start practicing !!#oops#kay writes#writeblr#writing#writing struggles#writer
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this third cup of coffee tastes like molecules are actually little pieces of love kissing each other making up our entire world. and so on. and also my heart is beating quite fast but that is because of the love and surely not the caffeine <333
#maybe I’ll be able to shower quickly for once! the past few days have been hard because my period’s coming up—I’ve been moving so slowly!#but ahhh the coffee’s so yummy again and I made cookies last night to enjoy this morning and the newsletter has been published and shared#and I love my friends!!! mwah!!!!!!!#whimsical.txt
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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t#like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude#though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#it’s been gnawing at me#ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting#they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry#also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
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what hidden truths are revealed when people who are so so different from each other choose to love you in the same way
#i am thinking this week about how my mom just sent me the exact same ~thinking of you~ card that i have also received from my best friend#how different friends send me the same memes or gift me the same books#how close friends and loved ones remember what time i take my meds and remind me if i forget while we're together#when i'm sharing a meal at someone’s home and the person setting the table asks if i want a big fork or a small one#when people send me photos of random cats or bugs or other creatures they encounter in their day-to-day lives#and how last semester my boss found a beautiful moth and brought it to campus to show me and#my current preceptor found an abandoned wasp nest and brought it to the hospital for me#recently a few friends have told me (separately) that they want to spend more time with me bc they haven't really had female friends before#thinking about how many times i’ve had loved ones who were planning their weddings double check that i DON’T want to be a bridesmaid#how partners keep good vegan ice cream in the freezer because that’s my favorite post-coital snack#when people watch strange movies i love so we can talk about them together#thinking about the first time anyone calls me to say ‘i just wanted to hear your voice’#there is so much love in the world#how do i know if i’m giving enough back? how do i know if i’m doing it right?
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OMGGGG I LOVE POCKET PARTNER!!!! HYPERBEARD SWEEP 4EVER!!!!!
LETS GOOOOOOO!!!!!! omg u better share ur pp right now…. 👁️👁️ 🫱
#I hope they add like a friend thing where I can share the little outfits you do w friends and stuff#the game is still a few days old so I’m really excited to see what they’ll add…#especially the ‘coming soon…’ sections I’ve seen eeeeek!!!#replies#nuggyy txt#YAYYY HYPERBEARD SWEEP
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Anons ✨
#lou tisdale anon: unconventional way to get informed i guess but if it worked good for them#‘I’ve really appreciated all of the information you’ve been sharing on here’ anon#a bit offensive you come at me talking about coincidental choices and intentional decisions#using your building as a reference… Guys cmon. At this point you should know im not stupid lol anyway I deleted the tags because#since I noticed a few people have written the same thing as you#usually the background choice falls in an intentional decision but as you say it’s a wild guess#that’s why I only said ‘I hope it’s not intentional if it is yikes’#‘don’t have any doubts about harry’ anon: we’ll never know what they support#and for once I’m glad they won’t be speaking up like their usual because#I’m already disappointed of what side they would be on this#have you seen what his friends share? have you seen what his mom shares? they can be zionist on main without ripercussions#‘seriously wouldn’t know what to if he supported them’ I would unstan right away. god thing is they’ll never be talking about politics#(except Harry sporadically finding new way to have kore people register in the us to vote democrats#and eventually forget about what is happening in rest of the world. firstly like all celebrities do secondly like everyone does.)#you take care of your little garden first#my opinion my ideology and my political view don’t depend on them#if I don’t agree with what some artist/celebrity says#ill stop interacting with them#there’s tone of music and art being made by people#who care about the world and want to see people leaving in peace and with equal rights#it’s not hard to be human you know? at times if you’re afraid to show support to the oppressed#you’re helping the oppressors with oppression and segregation#moreover when the oppression is not about you in the slightest (general you not you anon)#it only means 1. you don’t care enough to advocate 2. you have found different solutions to help (lol)#3. you don’t want to take sides (inferno canto III for me)#4. you don’t want to let know what side you’re on (sigh)
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