Safia Elhillo, from Girls That Never Die: Poems; “Memoir”
[Text ID: “Left alone I’d collapse for days into bed, exhausted but unable to sleep, feeling the ache of my fingernails growing long, my chemicals going sour. I only wanted sleep. I did not want to die.”]
"I'm sorry. I'm rusty. I feel disconnected. This is hard. We're out of touch. I'll start again. I'll try to be simple. The last time I saw you, you asked me to tell you what I wanted. You said you couldn't tell. You don't even have a favourite colour, you said. But that's not true. My favourite colour is your favourite colour. My favourite meal, yours. Why does this make you so angry? I have my own mind but my desire is not thinking; it's an echo, a reverberating shock. I am so much yours, I am no longer myself. Is that so wrong?"
You can't ease pain with discipline. You can't push it out of your body with force. You can caress it, hug it gently, hold it till it feels lighter, till it melts in your embrace and becomes one with light.
Ryuichi Sakamoto playing a piano (Grand Yamaha) that survived a tsunami which killed more than 1,600 people after the earthquake in Fukushima on March 11, 2011. He said it felt like playing "the corpse of a piano that had drowned"