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ms-scarletwings · 5 months

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Irken senses, and other ponderings

You know, every time I start to wonder if I’ve finally run out of things to coherently say on the whole “speculating about irken biology” matter, a whole something more is induced to hatch out of the dehydrated floam inside my skull. Between you and me, I think the eggs are triggered by ironic timing.

Anywho, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the world hypothetically through Irken eyes, and other sensory organs. Think I’ll go down them piece by piece, and to follow the pattern I’ve kept through my other Irken brain dumps, I will be drawing a huge amount of inspiration from real life arthropods. Yes, I’m very aware that realistically, any resemblance to earth insects would be coincidental from an alien species, and there’s plenty of room to make up whatever somewhat plausible explanation you can for any faucet of their anatomy. Personally, I like to run from the convergent evolution angle, since I find it no less grounded, full of potential connections the show itself all but begs me to draw, and just plain fun. Let’s get into it.

Also like towards the end there’s a whole section on the hypothetical edibility of Irkens because why not

Prelude: If you want to hear a little more behind my theory about the Irken diet revolving around sugar and a small portion of minerals, you can zip onto this analysis I did, in which I touch on some ideas of mine regarding the composition of Irken skin, their reaction to meat, etc. that works from the assumption that Irkens evolved out of an arthropod-like ancestor. Not necessary to get the gist of this one, but it is background context behind my thought process.

Sight

The Irken oculus is perhaps the most striking feature of the species, very much resembling those tiny crawling things they have been inspired by; however, it’s tougher to say exactly how far the similarity of their insides go. The eyes of most arthropods are in fact along the more simple branches of the evolutionary tree. We know that Irkens are not likely to possess compound eyes, like those found in flies and most other insects, because compound eyes are specialized for wide FOV ranges at the sacrifice of visual resolution quality. Instead, I see a much closer match to a fascinating exception or two found in Earth’s arachnids.

While most of them have utterly piss-poor vision, the hunting styles of jumping spiders necessitated a great deal of further specialization of the organs for depth perception, color differentiation, and sharp images. These are the purpose of those two huge shiners at the front (the other 6 boosting their range for detecting blurry peripheral movement and threats), and these are what bring their effective vision on a level much closer to that of familiar binocular mammals than their own six legged prey. Now I really think we are working with the base of what Irken peepers likely developed out of. One of the ways they have really diverged off is in the fact that while jumping spiders can only move their retinas, irkens seem as though they are able to move the lens of the eye themselves- or at the very least, Zim does, else the false pupils in his disguise contacts would not behave quite so convincingly. To speak about the lenses themselves, their eyes are not dry and exposed like most arthropods, speaking to a vulnerable sensitivity. They clearly have blinking eyelids, shed tears, and Zim even complains about the “scratchy” feeling of getting used to that part of his kid disguise.

(Funny sidenote: I’m like 90% sure that Zim did not have those contact lenses designed correctly for himself. Usually, if contacts feel that uncomfortable and keep falling off of the eye as easily as his do, it’s a sign of them being poorly fitted. This could be another symptom of his outdated/lower quality invader tech.)

Not only do Irkens have an assumed base vision resolution that seems more or less on par with human beings, but Invader elites are fitted with ocular implants that grant them a significantly greater advantage in this realm. We don’t know to a certainty how well improved an Irken soldier’s vision is, but Zim was confidently able, within seconds and under pressure, to pick out the area of town he lived in from what was miles away under night hours.

On the topic of night vision, I have a hunch that even without the cybernetics, these guys are adapted to see much better than we in dim to dark environments as well. Most of the early part of their life cycle is lived out in subterranean crèches. On the surface, daytime Irk is cast in a sunset red atmosphere. Oddly, a massive portion of their fashion and architectural aesthetics show a preference for these dark, warmer tones. Ruby is far and away the most common eye color in their kind. All of these facts suggest that warm-spectrum hues and pigments were incredibly common in the homeworld’s history, to point of indicating something about a cultural attraction to them- kind of like how humans put the color blue all over so much corporate branding and elsewhere. Zim’s favorite color has also been revealed to be purple. Most of all, given what I’ve seen of Irk’s, Blorch’s, and Devastis’s surface skies, AND Zim’s reaction to staring directly at the sun for more than a few seconds, I’m assuming that most Irkens are wholly unfamiliar with living in an environment as brightly lit as midday Earth.

I do think Irken eyes “glow” in the dark, but not in the emitting sense. Just more in the reflective one. This they would owe to a well developed tapetum lucidum, as seen in cats and deer and pretty much any animal to give off an eerie eye shine under the right lighting. To point back to arachnids, wolf spiders are speedy nocturnal murder machines with highly developed tapetum lucida, in their secondary eyes, at least. What I love the most about that is it makes it very easy to tell if you’re looking at a mother spider because her babies will give off the same eyeshine if you take a pic of one with the flash on.

Additionally, I won’t forget that sleep is no longer a necessity for our alien subjects. This alone gives them a major edge over any dinural race such as humanity. While Zim has his appearances to keep up during the day, the nighttime on Earth is actually when he is allowed the most free rein to work on his endeavors uninterrupted.

Sound

Ah, so this is the part where I rattle off the common theories we’ve collectively formed about Irken antennae as the replacement for an external ear, eh? Yes, but actually no…. jokes aside, it’s just no. I’ll get to the deal with antennae, but as you might imagine, hearing ability also varies all over the place in the insect world.

It is true that antennae play a large role in the hearing of some critters, such as mosquitoes, whose males use them to pick out the high frequency wing beats of nearby females in a swarm. Crickets, on the other hand, use sensory organs on their legs tuned to much lower sound ranges. There’s no one way to evolutionarily put together a sort-of ear, as well proven by the sheer amount of times it convergently happened in bugs and in how many creative ways.

They literally be designing themselves like me playing around in spore. If we’re not talking about that mosquito or honeybee example, then what we are referring to as an ear and most hearing insects is going to be an external tympanic organ. Most people who have passed high school biology would be able to recognize a visible tympanum in frogs- that circular thing right behind the eyes in most species, and understand it as their version of an ear drum. Many bugs’ tympanums are likewise thin chitinous membranes situated… potentially just about anywhere on the body (again, see above). This is what I think Irkens use as a primary hearing organ, in his case, probably situated on their heads in addition to the feelers. The latter organs I think would also be sensitive to general vibrations and subtler environmental cues, like wind direction and pressure changes, but the bulk of their hearing would be owed to the tympanum.

As far as the quality of their hearing, well, there’s not any sign it differs much from the human experience. Like us, they communicate through verbal language, and the existence of the “Dancing Arcade Game (but for aliens)” confirms at least a similar cultural propensity for music as an entertainment form. Zim is an outlier for the fact that he seems genuinely a little hard of hearing next to his kin, screaming as naturally as he talks and repeatedly mishearing (if hearing at all) people who are speaking directly at him. It’s clear something’s up with his hearing, but there’s no clear answer what and why. At first I was tempted to suggest something about sound passing much differently through the medium of earth’s atmosphere (kind of like how noise on Mars would sound muffled to us), but neither Tak nor Skoodge seemed to pick up the problem when they arrived. It really could be as simple as some kind of birth defect, or even glitches in how his corrupted PAK is processing the inputs it receives. Like many others, I want to imagine that his wig could be interfering too, since it covers the whole top portion of his head; as well, I noticed he has more of those incidents with it on than not.

Smell

Alrighty, NOW we can round back to focusing on the antennae, because this is actually the main thing our insects fine tuned theirs for. And when I say fine tuned- I mean fine tuned. Blood suckers that find their prey through the CO2 of their breath, flies that can pick up on potential food sources from miles away; In the land of the little, scent is everything. Beyond it being their main tool for exploring the environment for what to eat and what to avoid, chemical messages are the backbone of bug-to-bug communication. Pheromones are the divining rod of lonely spiders looking for a mate. They are the bugle of yellow jackets when rallying the nest to attack a threat, and they are the signals that govern about every single action an ant takes from adulthood until death. Obviously, Irkens are much more sight & hearing dependent than these comparisons, but they still have much more bodily specialization dedicated to this sense than we can relate to. For one, they are fastidiously hygienic. Like, “the care-bots from that really creepy episode of the Buzz lightyear cartoon” hygienic. We have yet to see any livable surface of Irk that is not sky to underground terraformed over in all-consuming metal infrastructure. There’s less than no sign of visible life besides the Irkens; ffs, there’s not even soil in sight. Not on Devastis, either. The Organic Sweep sounds like such a nice and pretty euphemism in the face of the actual horror of Blorch’s fate, and all to spare the boots of their military from touching even a speck of “unsavory alien filth”. They live in such a controlled and purified environment that I can’t even imagine the absolute assault on the senses Zim’s every day on our barbaric ball of dirt is. Over and over again he gives off the impression that the constant stink of this place is in fact his chief complaint about living among us. The majority of insults he throws toward humans relate to how they smell or the fact that he finds them “filthy”. We’re flat out nasty to him and I don’t blame him. Even relative to other animals, humans are especially RANK due to the combination of sweat, oils, and bacteria that coat our skin.

And believe it or not, I do think Irkens are in a position to talk shit in this regard. Zim is a really sweaty boi; however, I posed an idea back in that write up about Irken skin before- to summarize- that his kind maintain remarkably sterile cuticles due to the presence of a toxic chemical in their skin. This, I said then, could have been the key to Zim’s lice repelling trait, but I wasn’t so specific at the time about more than that. I got the idea from a group of millipedes that, when disturbed, can secrete hydrogen cyanide as a deterrent to predators. I like to imagine that Irkens can do a similar thing via sweating, not to thermoregulate like us, but as a stress response. It would at least explain why Zim seems like a very nervous sweater. Fun fact if you didn’t know, cyanide’s smell is similar to almonds.

I’m deadass telling you I think Irkens just smell like almond extract. Do with that what you will.

Touch

So, in writing this whole whatever it be, this part was the trickiest to come up with any productive analysis on. I’ve already guessed at what I think Irken skin feels most like (spoiler: hairless caterpillars) in the analysis I referenced up top. Zim being able to pass himself off as a human under the examination of the Skool nurse points to an average body temperature somewhere around our own. What I did find interesting while rewatching the series though was the sheer amount of pain tolerance on these invaders, except in one way. Can I extrapolate this fortitude to Irkens universally? Probably not! Zim is a member of the most elite of the most highly trained members of Irk’s military. I wouldn’t take what a seasoned veteran can handle and assume that’s the human floor in a nutshell, but our invaders CAN tell us quite a bit about their ceiling… starting with the fact that these bastards are ridiculously heat resistant. Irkens are a durable race broadly, but their reactions to extreme temperatures strike me as jaw-droppingly underwhelming, if anything.

Irkens DON’T like being engulfed in flames. It’s still a painful experience to them, but seemingly the kind they can pretty much walk off as soon as it’s over. Through explosions and fire we have seen Zim (and Skoodge) survive in one piece. We’ve seen The Massive take a whole dip into a burning star with no ill effects to the crew within. Most amazing to me was the time in Battle of the Planets when Zim willingly piloted Mars into grazing by the Sun at close range while trying to evade Dib. Totally exposed driver’s seat and he was no worse for wear after this.

Further in the comics we see this touched on in the Zimvoid arc. Zib’s favorite method of torturing the Zims under his training program was to torch them at random for sadistic amusement. Quite interestingly, though, Number 2 implies that their bodies do actually adapt to this treatment over time! Theoretically, Zims further along in the program have become all but invulnerable to fire entirely.

On the other hand, one of the truly most painful things Zim has been shown to experience is to have his skin chemically burned. It’s a strange sort of irony that Earth’s water would prove to be an incapacitating force to them in place of any inferno. He’ll smash his skull into the Voot’s windshield with enough force to pop out an eyeball and it’s whatever. Plenty of other things hurt, but he can power through. You turn a shaken can of soda or a bottle of bbq sauce on him and he’s just left screaming on the ground or screaming and running away. Whatever brutal sort of training he had to go through off world, it didn’t prepare him for this.

Taste

The perceptive side of this I think may not be too hard to figure out. Irken food, as alien as its actual composition could be, has been shown to be heavily analogous to human junk food. I hesitate to call what Irkens are scarfing down “meals” in the proper sense, because I’ve noticed that neither Zim nor his kin intrinsically understand the concept. When he’s trying to blend in as a human being, he puts a LOT of bizarre effort into convincing us that he, just like you inferior creatures, TOTALLY eats “food” on a regular basis like a normal person. When Irkens eat their own products, it’s all and only “snacks”. What follows is the conclusion that their eating habits are not structured into any schedule and that Irkens instead graze throughout the day as they please- and even possibly that eating altogether is more a recreation to them, instead of a necessary function to sustain life. Some fans have speculated that the PAK could provide an Irken with all of the necessary energy to survive absent of nutrition. I kind of want to contest this, given that caloric energy is only one purpose of taking in food… but it’s definitely the most immediate one. Nonetheless, they still eat constantly on screen and it all has to be going somewhere. Whether they need it or not, they still readily digest snacks (and presumably use those chemical building blocks to regenerate tissue damage) with a terrifying metabolic efficiency. Assuming that the resemblance of their snack foods and our leisure treats are not purely coincidental, one gathers that sweetness is the largest dimension of Irken cuisine. They are drawn most enthusiastically to carb-dense synthetic, plant, and possibly fungal matter in the same way that the human brain lights up at the prospect of fat and sugar-loaded meals. The flexible tongues of Irkens to me also resemble the nectar catching, segmented mouthparts of some bees. I would be willing to bet that they can taste salt, but jury’s out if it is something they crave, like us, or are repulsed by, like ants. That would have to come down to the scarcity (or not) of the resource on their home planet and whether or not desiccation was a serious threat in their natural history. In other regards, Zim shows strong negative reactions to most Earth foods, if not physically, than in his expressions. They definitely have powerful vulnerabilities to many human ingredients, and so are very sensitive to the presence of these toxins. I can’t imagine acidic or bitter substances are at all pleasant to them.

Now comes the much more interesting question I’ve thought way too long and hard about in the shower a time or two. Knowing that Irkens are likely a herbivorous breed, ergo, thankfully would have no interest in the consumption of the human race… what about the vise versa??? I don’t just want to know what they taste, but what would they taste like?

So, you’ve decided to mix it up for the thanksgiving dinner and forgo the same boring old bird for an Irken you have vanquished (via what I can only imagine was a freaking miracle of luck). What should you come to expect? Most importantly and I must emphasize this, the secret to preparing their meat is the same as Tolkien dwarves, you have to skin them before anything else. The separation of edible tissues from the cuticle is necessary to avoid ingesting the defensive toxins it contains. Even if the concentration is not enough to provide a danger to you, it could end up contributing an unpleasant, bitter flavor to the final product.

That done, discard the head and digestive organs. True as it may be that Irkens are wholly free of parasites, with a chance that the viscera could be edible, it’s not likely to taste that great and besides, do you really want to take chances with exposing yourself to an entirely foreign gut biome you have no immune adaptations to? And don’t even think about the brain- I don’t care how rare the infection rates are, alien prions are a big no. If you happen to run into any cybernetic implants during the cleaning, however, set them aside! They could be worth a small fortune in the right circles. But, for the purpose of eating we’re really concerned with the muscle tissues, a delicate white meat with a texture similar to fresh crab. The bones need not be wasted, and are fine to leave in, or can be boiled on their own to make a flavorful stock which can be added to soups or a delightful gravy. A surprisingly practical use of Irken bone could also be in the compost bin, being rich in chitosan and other powerful garden fertilizers. The flesh can do well fried, or roasted to a crispy exterior. The oven rule is the same as chicken, low and slow, to prevent drying out. Don’t be afraid to experiment with the gravy idea or marinades. The flavor profile of the meat itself would be utterly unique from what most of us are used to, comparable to a nutty crayfish. Savory, a bit of a sweetness, and a mineral hint that pairs quite well with mushrooms or rice.

I can’t recommend serving this to any guests with shellfish allergies in good conscience. If they insist, do so in caution and with knowledge of the risk of cross reactivity.

And there you have …. certainly a thing I did write and queue up for y’all!

#invader Zim #iz #irkens #iz analysis #iz headcanons #cool bug facts #insects #speculative biology #hear me out #it’s not cannibalism if it’s interspecies #I apologize for writing this while hungry #scarlet talks about things #scarlet really should have eaten breakfast today #also happy thanksgiving????#cw arachnid #long post

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aita-blorbos · 5 months

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(tma oc ask content warning for canon typical levels of buried fuckery)

am i the asshole for driving away my friend?

hey reddit . im posting from a throwaway bc i dont want people connecting this to my work (though i doubt youve heard of me anyways) but i think i messed up terribly and i want to know if this is something i can still fix

also sidenote sorry if my grammar or punctuation or word choice or anything of that sort are poor. i have not been sleeping well for some time

i (19m) am a video game developer. its been my passion for years now and i am currently in uni studying computer games development and programming and level design . although i have considered dropping out but thats a point for later . i post on itch io and such and sometimes i make flash games but idk if anyone reading this has played a single one

its been a bit of a hard time for me, if im being honest. i really like games and i really liked making them but i dont think im very good at programming or art or level design or any of the other things that go into the process of making a game . at least a profitable and fun one .

so i ended up coming to this computer science study group in the hopes maybe someone could teach me to be better at programming. and i met this girl. i dont know exactly how old she is, but i want to say she was maybe two or three years ahead of me in her schooling, so probably about 22. anyways lets call her E

E was studying pure computer science and wanted to do it at a high level . so of course she was pretty good at helping me with my really rudimentary programming stuff . and she was friendly and funny and we liked hanging out so we ended up being good friends . she actually complimented my games, once i got them to function, and said my pixel art was cute . my point is we were close . maybe we wouldn’t have been so close if we had anyone else, but i was still new and she was pretty lonely .

really shortly after i met her though i started having fucked up dreams. ok that’s not entirely accurate because i had been having fucked up dreams on occasion for a while . but they got worse and she showed up in them. it was all me locking her in stairwells hitting her over the head and piling earth over her body filling her mouth with mud and cement. terrible things

so i stopped sleeping. i tried not to at least. im pretty sure most uni kids pull all nighters. i know i did even when i was younger. but i wasnt studying for exams or whatever. i was just trying and trying to force myself awake and i started to lose it a bit. my grip on things. it felt like i was sleepwalking through classes and even like i was dreaming when i was awake. id nod off for a moment in a lecture and id feel dirt caked on my hands under my fingernails. and no matter how much i scrubbed and how much i knew with my eyes it wasnt there it just. refused to come off . and it felt like her blood

i don’t remember how we got on the topic but i remember she told me how she always worried a little bit about being trapped . like claustrophobia of a flavor that shows itself in locked doors and thick walls and collapsing underground stations. that made me feel even more odd about the whole thing . of course i felt awful about hurting her but that part of it was like a joke i didn’t get

and then weirdly enough i got really into nineties 3D games. they have these skyboxes that make it really obvious they’re not actually infinite . and i thought that was kind of interesting in context. like the whole world is a box you’re in so why worry so much about if the stairwell door will lock behind you

i kind of started thinking that was something i would like to replicate with my art . like if i put all my issues into one game they would be out of my brain and gone . maybe it could even be pleasant without the whole preying on my friends terror thing

so now we get to the part of the story where i fear i really really messed up . i made this game . and honestly i dont remember the development very well . sleep deprivation is a dreadful thing . i remember again and again while i was making it kind of coming to my senses not knowing where i was and finding massive parts of the game that i didnt remember making at all.

it was set in a stairwell but i dont remember buying or making the models for the door . there was a really weird kind of way the game functioned with an infinite path going up but how that functioned i couldnt tell you . and i dont remember composing the audio or where i might have downloaded it from except that i never liked to listen to it for very long . i dont know why i kept it in the game

i always showed my games to E but i really wanted her to see this one in particular. so she came by my flat and played it and then i remember she just glared at me . there was something to the look she gave me . it was like she was completely horrified and was trying to pretend she was just angry instead

she hasnt spoken to me since . and i think i fucked up . i knew it was playing at her issues and i think maybe i even made it at least subconsciously to pry at them. like the same part of me with dirt under my fingernails was also sitting there typing away on that keyboard .

but at the same time its just a game . and im better at programming now too . like something just clicked there

honestly though development lately has been weird. its been hard trying to go back to the old sort of pixel art platformers and shoot em ups and that kind of thing i used to make. every time i open any program its like im just staring at it and imagining skyboxes. putting it all in a box imprisoning every world i make that kind of thing. like i said earlier ive been considering dropping out. but i dont know. i think id need to sleep on it

i still have weird fucked up dreams but E isnt in them anymore . i dont know where shes gone . i think maybe my idea worked somehow and i did transfer all that shit to my art . and then that just all went right to her . but i dont know if i like that idea or hate it

anyways reddit am i the asshole?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

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darubyprincx · 4 months

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my design notes for the mianite s2 cast (put under a cut because Long + mentions of s/h at one point):

in general i think that those who've lived in town the longest (especially Tucker and Sonja) are the ones whose clothing has been most affected by the world and era's fashion. they kind of look like they come from the 1800s and of course the other two champions bully them relentlessly for it but i like to think that tom exchanged the button up under his suit blazer for one of those ruffle front shirts because he liked how it looks, essentially making him look like the world's most genre and time-bending wizard ever, especially with the hat.

jordan

after really getting into the various engineering/mechanics/technical mods and getting shocked/burnt/etc enough times, he finally exchanged his basketball shorts for some reinforced knee pants and a plain white t-shirt with one of those pockets on the front, although nobody ever really sees it because he's wearing crazy armor most of the time.

wears steel-toed boots when working on technical stuff and sneakers the rest of the time

3 billion pockets with random shit in it (cool rocks, random trinkets, etc)

looks Absolutely Insane in the best way. none of his outfit actually fits together but somehow he makes it work

waglington

so a quick sidenote. i know he has a skin and everything however in my brain all of the wizards look like some variation of this:

(essentially "little guys who live in assorted hats due to being cursed by the gods after their hubris was revealed.")

however! this does not stop me from adding little details where i want, such as:

in s1, wag was basically confined to a wizard hat due to the restrictions of the world he was in. in s2 this is no longer the case and he has acquired many hats all with their own enchantments (though 90% of the ones he wears regularly are really durable).

this makes it look really fucking funny whenever he's doing Anything because when hes flying around you just see a hat holding a regular sized sword. when hes doing magic you see a hat in the middle of a firestorm or whatever. during the Purge he can sneak up on people really easily due to essentially being a hat. nobody has ever seen what lives under the hat and nobody has ever successfully tried to look inside without being killed

he's applied various odds and ends to his hats as the season goes on! (i.e patches, mends, embroidered runes and sigils). all rings and items are kept on his person, but it's generally accepted amongst the rest of the champions that his inventory space is located within the hat itself

sonja

out of all of the champions, she absolutely looks the coolest. everyone looks like losers next to her no matter what the situation is. eyeliner on point, has a fuckin Flying Orb She Balances On, you know the deal

has actual fox ears! this is only visible when the hood of her hoodie is back, though, which she doesn't do often except for when working on magic stuff for better visibility

pink everything if she can manage it <3 she has a theme and she sticks to it

tom

found one of those ruffle front button up shirts and wears it with his usual suit outfit. steve found him a green bow tie to wear with it so it still works!

likes to float around and do flips in the air and go all sorts of angles while flying. it is Very Distracting but he's having fun with it so who cares

engineered his hammer- sorry, wang- to look exactly like an upside down dick and balls while it's being used. he thinks this is the funniest thing ever and honestly it kind of is

tucker

(self-harm mention here!)

very pale and with constant eyebags and red eyes/pupils from working with blood magic

arms absolutely covered in cutting scars, also from working with blood magic

wears his ash ketchum cap on top of his crazy strong fantasy ass looking armor which frankly looks fucking stupid but he does not care

steve

tons of old scars, both from being a former fighter and a farmer

still wears farmer's clothing but don't be fooled, he Knows how to use the sword at his side

australian flag patch on his sleeve and as a sticker on his chestplate

very casual practiced movements despite his apparent age, even when doing kickass shit

martha

light purple eyes. makes her look like she's blind. she is not

transfem swag for YEARS

just as much at home in fighting gear as she is in a skirt!

andor

has long hair but keeps it up in a bun under his wooden helmet (that's why he always wears it) (yes hes also transgender)

can i just say that i love the fingerless gloves. that was an awesome design choice. the designers knew what they were doing with that one

#ray's tag #mcyt #mianite #undescribed #s/h mention

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h0undeye · 1 year

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ok im too lazy to draw this so youre getting a textpost baby

BUT!

panepon au. basically follows general plot of panepon. fun little fairy land but MONSTERS are invading and all your friends are turned EVIL and you have to save them (beat them in a match three game)

our protagonist is tommy, the flower fairy. "why is tommy the protagonist shouldnt gordo-" SHUT UP HEATHWR!!! i'll GET to it but also tommy just reminds me of lip (the flower fairy in panepon) ok?

the first fairy you save, the wind fairy, is BARNEY CALHOUN because this is a hlvrai + half life au (aka i didnt have enough characters). why? shrugs. just. eh. vague gesturing. i think her free spirited nature works for barney

next is ALYX whos the ice fairy because sherbet is described as a silly little trickster and im like yeah thatd be funny

the nature fairy is gordon (hlvrai) because hes a nature guy in my heart of hearts

benrey is the jewel fairy because. looks around. sighs. i just really like the jewel fairy and i really like benrey. (also the term "shadow leader" is used in rubys character description and thats. im so NORMAL about that phrasing. plus due to lore reasons ill get to her being the shadow leader implies shes buddies with lip whos tommy in this au)

the water fairy is dr coomer! because the fire fairy is bubby and. well. im not immune to cliche

the sea fairy is darnold. sea and water are two separate elements here!!! i just think darnold mermaid is neat okay. something something sea. soda. whatever

the moon fairy is gordon (half life) ONE because shes described as the group leader DESPITE lip being the ACTUAL leader. two. idk something about moon imagery and gordon freeman. they go together in my head

the goddess cordelia is GMAN (hlvrai to be specific). because cordelias whole thing is that shes the final FINAL boss but its revealed that all the monsters and stuff were ILLUSIONS she created to test her daughter, LIP, to see if her daughter was prepared to take on the mantle of queen. do you see how this fits gman and tommy now?

as you can tell i dont have a lot of solid reasoning for most characters its mostly vibes especially since in panepon they dont have very solid personalities so vibes are my best bet. maybe i'll draw all these guys because i want too im just lazy. but this au occupies my brain and i have to get it OUT

sidenote i havent fully worked this psrt out but itd be really funny if dr breen was thanatos the demon king

#textpost #gordon freeman #barney calhoun #alyx vance #hlvrai #gordon martinis freeman #benrey #tommy coolatta #darnold pepper #dr coomer #bubby #g-man #panepon au #umbreoncomplex

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mlobsters · 11 months

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so i started this episode and when the flowers started coming back to life i thought to myself, if i'm gonna watch some sad timeywimey shit then i'm gonna just go all in and rewatch arrival. and if i'm gonna rewatch arrival, i'm gonna rewatch interstellar. so that's what i did instead. here's attempt #2

sidenote david reed did the story, he was also a writer on the magicians

supernatural s5e19 hammer of the gods (st. david reed, teleplay andrew dabb, daniel loflin)

starting strong. she's so good, great voice

DEAN How you doing?

WOMAN No.

DEAN But--

WOMAN No.

yellowjackets s1 - rekha sharma as jessica roberts

funny little trick of lighting and certain colors, can't say i pay much attention to what they're wearing unless it's an outlier like that white floralish printed button down and the like sam wore in early seasons especially, but thought, i don't recall seeing dean in a brown jacket before

but in this cooler kitchen lighting, it looks green. there was a tiktok going around a few years ago about someone who bought a ... hat? that looked green or brown depending on the lighting. reminds me of that

i appreciate the point of like hey. judeo-christian apocalypse, what about all these other religions that have to deal with the bullshit fallout. BUT like, is big g god who abandoned them in the same hierarchy as these gods? because if not, then hmm. i may not have enough firing brain cells for this thought process, and definitely a general lack of understanding of religion

um random ghostfacers pseudo-but-kinda-not promo? okay.

ps the angel blades to me always looks like super cheap plastic fake chrome things. i try not to laugh every time i see one.

sam's reaction *chef's kiss* padalecki is hitting the spot for me lately with his wtf faces

DEAN I'm outta options. Now on any other given day, I'd be doing my damndest to, uh, kill you. You filthy murdering chimps. But, uh, hey, desperate times. So even though I'd love nothing better than to slit your throats, you dicks, I'm gonna help you. I'm going to help you ice the devil.

not loving the makeup they went for on decaying vessel lucifer. also do not understand the internal logic of why lucifer can just snuff out a god. little snicker snack twist of the wrist but archangels and their ilk need a special blade otherwise?

makeup looking much better in this mood lighting with some blood spatter. very menacing, to boot

this pestilence bit with the goo is unending. please, we get it. 😩

okay. laughing at myself because i'm just realizing i thought matt frewer was murdock in the original a-team, but no. that was a different dude. dwight schultz. i can't figure out what i originally knew him from, maybe doctor doctor, maybe the stand? something 80s/90s.

altered carbon s1e6 man with my face - matt frewer as carnage

kind of a nod to max headroom there seems like. which, i'm not sure if i ever saw any of the max headroom shows? i just associated the character with coke ads.

the stand (1994) matt frewer as trashcan man

dwight schultz not matt frewer in the a-team

well. i wasn't really expecting that change of heart with gabriel, and swift execution. i like the actor and the character but while i picked up the mushy emotions they were putting down, i also hold a grudge against him for torturing sam for approaching a year with the mystery spot. wish maybe they'd worked on that arc a little longer.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 5x19 #matt frewer #rekha sharma #altered carbon #yellowjackets #the stand #hiky #spnhiky #david reed #andrew dabb #daniel loflin

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cyberdragoninfinity · 1 year

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I Send you a double character because they must not be separated : Yuma and Astral

YEEEEEAHHH

favorite thing about them: For Yuma! I,, fucking love that this kid is kind of a loser. LIKE FOR A YUGIOH PROTAG THATS SUCH A COOL THING TO SEE it helps play up this idea that you can grow and get better at dueling and that anyone can be a great duelist if they work at it! Let us see our protagonist lose sometimes!!! It's a good thing!!!! He's just such a believable middle schooler to me. For Astral! I love just how deadpan he is, I've always loved "alien/nonhuman entity comes to earth and has to learn earth things" and Astral's just so great with that. He's so FUNNY. I love watching him learn about the power of friendship it rules!!!!

least favorite thing about them: im going to be real, I can't actually think of anything really concrete for this for yuma or astral?? I just like 'em. I wasn't expecting to be this into either of them but I've ended up really enjoying their characters!!

favorite line: I can't think of one for Astral off the top of my head but I'm very excited to see if anything in the zexal 2 dub goes as hard as Yuma yelling at Vetrix and telling him "you think they [the Arclight brothers] owed you their lives because they're your kids, but youre wrong!" because jesus FUCK i still think about that.

brOTP: each other of course!!!! Not particularly engaged with them in a romantic context (as i said when I talked about Trey, in general I just don't particularly care much about shipping younger teen characters) but platonic soulmates let's fuckin GOOOO!!!!! I do also in general love Yuma's little friend gaggle it feels like such a middle school weirdkid friend group ;___;

OTP: See above. sidenote idk who people even ship Astral with otherwise?!?!? Dark Mist maybe??? sure alright

nOTP: Not a fan of Kite/Yuma. Yuma is 13. Be normal please.

random headcanon: For Yuma, I think he would be really good at running cross country (didn't his sub VA outrun a horse once?? yeah.) For Astral, I think he would really like ASMR. Like if Yuma showed him ASMR videos that would be it, he'd be all about it. He'd be listening to them constantly and putting Yuma to sleep in the middle of the afternoon.

unpopular opinion: i love dub yuma to bits this kid is a bouncy little doofus and he's funny and GREAT. I actually dont think I've seen enough Zexal to have an unpopular opinion about Astral? Maybe once I'm more fully done with the series.

song i associate with them: I WISH I HAD ONE ;__; i dont rly have any zexal character songs just cuz these guys havent finished simmering in my brain yet. much like with trey im sure i'll find one for either of these guys eventually

favorite picture of them: IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO PICK ONE FAV PIC OF YUMA THEY MADE THIS KID SO EXPRESSIVE!!!! every time he makes a goofy face is my favorite. so instead heres one of my fav pics of (zexal) yuma and astral together

it really feels like the platonic ideal of their personalities, this image.

#thank you!!! im really excited to actually get more through z2 and have even more thoughts about these guys #asks #ygo posting #forhope

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beevean · 7 months

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isaactor hecula isaacula for the bingo? for fun, trevor/grant too

👀

Isaactor:

The divorsties 🥰

I got in an Isaactor mood again after picking up my old WIP, which is funny because the chapter I'm working on is mostly Hector bashing Isaac like the bitter ex that he is :P but yeah. They have a relationship. Not sure what kind of relationship, but they definitely have one. I wish at least one of the prequels fed me more than the smallest of breadcrumbs.

... I'm just weak for that "we're fundamentally incompatible and we are toxic for each other and we are using each other for our deepest selfish needs and yet we are so close that we're part of each other and I can't imagine my life without you" thing that is rotating in my head. Then you add the divorce, and you have a beautiful mess <3

Hecula:

"It's not my OTP," I say, as I squee fangirl-style everytime I see someone fall in hell with me, or even better draw fanart/talk about it. I may be in denial :P

Anyway, yadda yadda, it's abusive, it's gross, it's Problematic™, it hits those very nice tropes that make my brain rot faster than fruit in summer (age gap, abuse of power imbalance, mentor/protégé, manipulation...), IMO it enriches Hector's character arc of finding freedom and agency in the human world, I am utterly fascinated by how Dracula's feelings for Hector are described in Japanese, it's Lenector done right.

(I was about to tick "it would never work in canon but", just to get that bingo, but I can't lie. After all, it's canon and I have proof :P although I admit there is a lot of heavylifting to do here since we know very little of what Hector thought of Dracula pre-betrayal)

Isaacula:

The mirror opposite of Hecula. Isaac adores his Lord and would nullify himself for him, and Dracula is, at best, only mildly amused to have a dog at his beck and call, but won't grant him the Special Treatment that Isaac craves :P I still rotate in my head various possibilities on what Dracula does to Isaac, from completely ignoring him, to only feeding on him but pretty much for necessity, to also using him as a toy but without any sort of fondness, just a way to manipulate him and keeping him happy and compliant.

Sidenote, I find somewhat amusing that Isaac is "merely" Dracula's loyal servant in canon, as in one that simply didn't even think of betraying his Lord, but it's just so, so easy to imagine him as being utterly, selflessly devoted to the point of self-destruction. It's because of the collar and tattoos. Because Isaac has a fantastic character design that tells you everything you need to know about him without anyone explaining it to you. (and personally, I've always loved his line "if you have a good weapon, you use it, don't you?", which just. says a lot about him. my broken boy <3)

And second sidenote, I honestly wonder why any combination of Dracula/Hector/Isaac seems to be so unpopular, even back in the day when people were far less picky regarding ships :\ (N!Isaactor is quite popular, but I haven't found anything for N!Isaacula and N!Hecula. The latter sucks so I understand, but idk, are people really afraid of some good lord/servant ship even when positive like in the former's case?)

Gravor (?)

I see them as fire-forged besties (or "besties" 😏), but I can absolutely see the romantic appeal! Also their relationship is underrated in general because Grant is underrated in general :(

#castlevania #yeah i'm tagging listen to my ramblings :p #isaactor #hecula #isaacula #gravor #i really need a better name for the latter lmao

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all-seeing-ifer · 11 months

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top five angel episodes 🔫🤭

oh you think you're being funny? you think you're being funny miles? well jokes on you angel is a good show sometimes and I can prove it! (sidenote I'm only a couple episodes into season 5 in my rewatch so that's why there's no season 5 episodes here)

Birthday - hehe it's that one episode that you watched and really liked, and you were RIGHT. obviously cordy is my favourite part of the show (pour one out season 5 is so sad for me) so I'm biased towards episodes that focus on her, but I also think this one is just genuinely really excellent. an amazing conclusion to the cordy's killer visions plotline that just does it in such a fun and engaging way with the whole "cordy gets to live out her dream life" plot point. also while it's not the most important part of the episode the baby connor era is (mostly) one of the favourite parts of the show and I enjoy that this episode has plenty of that

Are you now or have you ever been - haunted houses (hotels)... flashbacks bleeding into the present.... a mccarthy-era cold war setting... themes of paranoia and the potential for human cruelty.... gunn becoming a part of the angel investigations team... "this is a place of evil" "not anymore"... they actually made this one for me specifically they sat down in the year 2000 and said we need to write this episode specifically so a weird little guy called isabel who won't be born for a couple months will lose their fucking mind over it

The Pylea arc - cheating by combining like 3 episodes into one but I think the Pylea episodes specifically are connected enough for it to be understandable. not the most thematically deep or character focused of the show's episodes but it's just such good campy fun, man!!! getting to see the angel investigations team take part in this delightfully ridiculous high fantasy pastiche is so... it's just so fun!! and charming!!! and cordy gets declared princess of a hell dimension!! and lorne spends like a third of the arc as a literal talking head!! and we meet fred!!!! I love fred wish she didn't end up just getting reduced to love triangle fodder!!! it's just a really great time overall and honestly a much needed breather after how dark and angsty the rest of season 2 got

To Shanshu in LA - the episode that caused me to become Very Autistic about this show. angel investigations are a FAMILY and I LOVE THEM!!!! cordy buys angel art supplies bc she wants him to get a hobby bc she CARES ABOUT HIM. AND SHE TELLS HIM NOT TO FEEL EMBARRASSED ABOUT DRINKING BLOOD IN FRONT OF HIS FAMILY!!! it's fine i'm normal about it. also (surprising I'm sure from the guy behind the 9k pinocchio themed cordy and angel tax benefits marriage fic) I find the whole concept of the shanshu prophecy and angel's desire to become human again incredibly compelling, so this one really got the cogs in my brain turning

Orpheus - the fact that angel and faith friendship means enough to me that I'm willing to include a season 4 episode here really says it all. yes you do have to ignore everything with cordy and connor in this episode in order to enjoy it and I'm aware that that's a bit of a tall order, BUT faith and angel's little trip through the mindscape together is so good that for once I'm willing to let it slide! (though actually it does pain me to say this but the joke where fred asks the others if they think cordy and connor's relationship is a bit messed up and then it cuts to cordy (or fake cordy, rather) telling connor he needs to kill his dad did get a laugh out of me. i didn't want it to, but shoutout to mere smith for writing the one moment in this entire storyline that I kind of liked) BACK TO THE GOOD STUFF obviously faith's interactions with angel/angelus are excellent (like it's crazy how well the angelus stuff in season 4 suddenly starts working as soon as he's played off against faith SORRY I'M VEERING CLOSE TO JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT SEASON 4 AGAIN I PROMISE I REALLY DO LIKE ORPHEUS), faith making the choice to keep living and keep fighting to be better instead of accepting her death, the "I'm dying" "It's a lot easier than redemption, huh?" "I did my time" "Our time is never up, Faith" dialogue (GIRLS WHEN SHOW THESIS STATEMENTS) AUGHGGH. THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. also willow's cameo is very fun and I enjoy watching her flirt with fred :)

#thank you miles. i hope you enjoy understanding basically none of this #ifer rambles #asks and stuff

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tobiwan72 · 1 year

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Relaunch

So, it is getting to be that time of year. I am looking at relaunching my health. This year, I want to focus on a few things. I will break them down into 4 main categories.

Physical Health

I am going to start refocusing on my physical health. This is actually a two part piece. The first part and most important piece is going to be ensuring I am tracking all my food again. I have really gotten away from this the last couple of months. I know this and will start tracking again starting next week (Dec 10th). I know it will be bumpy at first, but I have to make steps getting back on track.

The second part of this will be ensuring I am exercising. Something I have gotten totally away from. I am going to focus on walking 30 minutes a day, three days a week, and working out with exercise bands and kettlebells, also three days a week.

Summary

Track all food every day

Walk 30 minutes a day 3X a Week

Resistance Training 3X a week

Mental Health

This is a big one for me this year. I know I dwell on bad thoughts. I need to unlearn this habit. I need to learn to just breathe and let things go. I am going to work on a few things moving forward this new year. The big ones are going to be daily breathing/meditating and ensuring I get out into nature at least once a week. It really just helps me to get into a better head space.

Summary

Mediate Daily

Practice Breathing Nightly

Get Outside at least once a Week

Journal Daily

Get Organized

I am very aware of my ADHD. I forget to do things. I miss things. I avoid things. I have lived by the motto Why do today, that which can be put off tomorrow for far too long.

I need to get organized. I need to work on breaking things down into small bites. As I told my supervisor in my yearly review, my brain often freaks out because I get overwhelmed by big tasks. So this coming year I am going to start breaking down these big tasks into smaller tasks.

I am a big fan of lists. I am looking at different software for creating lists to allow me to break these tasks down into bite size pieces. It is funny, as a Web Developer, we are always talking about how if we create a Jira ticket that can’t be done in about 30 minutes, the ticket is too big and needs to be… broken down into sub tasks.

I have just started using an App called SideNotes (Mac Only) that allows me to have a thing off screen that with a simple button click (or shortcut sequence) I can pull out this awesome series of notes on my screen. I can do lists, notes, text, images, url’s, and a To-Do list. I am already liking it.

Last thing… time management. I have been horrible at this. What it really comes down to is I am great at wasting time. I will sit with a device and watch hours of YouTube. It is not healthy. I know it isn’t healthy.

I want to start enriching my mind. Learn new skills. Read new books. Read some non-fiction books. Be more aware of how I am spending my time. I remember this story of Bruce Lee and some of his students. His student was talking about you have only so much time, and you have to choose to spend that time. You can spend it with good friends, a good time, a good book, etc or you can waste that time on things that you don’t enjoy. Things that don’t enrich your life or make you happy.

I know I waste time so much. I go through the motions far too often. I tune out and just lose track of time. I have to stop doing this.

Summary

Work on making the tools I have work for me

Create lists of small, bite sized tasks to complete

Start Spending Time Instead of Wasting Time

Financial Responsibility

This was a big goal of this year. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I have to start really paying attention to things. I need work on not living paycheck to paycheck because I am shooting myself in the foot. This also ties into my not being organized. I have an idea in my head of how much money I have and I end up over spending.

My second problem is I justify why I should have X. I have to stop doing this. I know it is a learned behavior, but it is time to unlearn this unhelpful behavior.

Summary

Track All Expenses in my SpreadSheet

Don’t Over Spend

Know how much I have and don’t spend money just because I have some left.

Next Steps

Today, I went through my dresser and got rid of things I don’t need. Things that are damaged or no longer fit. I had clothes I don’t know why I was holding onto. Things with rips, things that I swam in, things that I never wear.

I am going through the dozens of apps and notes on my devices. Cleaning up things I don’t need. Digital Decluttering. In the next few days I will be going through my physical possessions and getting rid of things that are broken, unused, no longer useful, etc.

#journaling #declutter #plans #get organized #new year

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wellnesscard · 11 months

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omg my teenager coworker was talking about how theyre gonna make a five night at freddys movie im like ya it already came out i saw it - with nic cage? not in my top 10 its no time bandits but whateva. guess nododis seen that one tho. also why do so many ppl with like d.i.d. Obsessed with that franchise ? or maybe thats just tumblr. even b4 tumblr tho there was this girlie at my highschool who was like mental like insane not in reality at all n it was all she fuckin talked about? what specifically is the pull like creating this demographic . but it weirds me out so i dont actually want 2 engage in real five nights at freds only thru the sweet filter of nic cage am i safe ig. cos that was a knockoff? who made that movie it was so weird and not even in an awesome way like many other b movies. idk the whole concept like. and yk fs theres towns like that in america. but theyre just racist. this post is getting away from me . idk the insaneos just dont talk abt jeff the killer anymore maybe im just old . do any pardonmyfrench normal ppl like five nitez at fred. i mean ig my coworkers pretty normal from what i know. ig im probably just in such different spheres from the enjoyers of that n the only ones being crazy abt it is the crazies so. i feel like this isnt very pc im sorry like my brain dont work good too like its no problem to be mentally ill and have interests im just . it throws me thry a loop. that n like taylor swift continuously getting bigger status thru out what feels like my lifespan. like i remember singing 'our song' in first grade w classmates n its like yeah its gud ig im 5 i dont have a critiquing of music mind yet too much. its catchy. never thought shed still be around let alone with a cult following in the year 2023. was it covid? like i havent heard about nikki minaj in ages but taylor swift is being exponential as hell in like . all this. why is she in so many commercials. ok my neighbors just got home one minute and thirty seconds ago and theyre already using power tools fuck yea girls build a house for her!! or that could be a blender tbh i thought i heard hammering though. hammering and sawing. shit did i just stereotype lesbians. i shouldnt be allowed to have tumblr app when im home alone cos then i just type type type whatever i want and we end up with this. oh sidenote too, i have a thickass nodule on my thyroid im having checked today so like ig ilyk laterz if its really fucked. like i hope i dont get all goited up thatd suck. its so funny bc in my eating disorder in highschool i was like oh what a dream itd be to have hyperthyroidism, sighs wistfully. omg what if gods punishing me and i get hypothyroidism and get f*t. but its probably just a lump and its not the consistency of cancer so we good basically. just waiting for the doc to say that too haha! and im like 3 days off all alcohol even the light beers bc i am getting sick of never having energy and like i wanna make sure my life is good and its hard to take care of everything because ngl im a heavy drinker n once i have any alcohol im just like impatiently waiting for my next drink, so. and its expensive when you drink a 12 pack a day plus other alkie snacks such as shooters pints or beers at the bar. and i need to save for a cruiseeee devon n i have been married for almost three years n still havent went on vacation yet goddamn! we deserve it , and i was the sexiest in my life when i was sober for a year too so jot that down.

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darlingbudsofrae · 3 years

Text

Neil Josten Appreciation Post

Foxes Appreciation Series : 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||

Alright, let’s just start this by addressing the big elephant in the room: everyone loves Neil Josten. EVERYONE.

If you don’t, you’re lying.

Okay, first up- I’m glad this is getting addressed more on AFTG tumblr but Neil is literally so much smarter than the fandom gives him credit for.

Like yes, he’s a little dumdum on the social aspect of things (you could argue he kind of has a low EQ but also not really, I would argue that later)

but that doesn’t dismiss that he is smart af and that he can kill you and make it look natural if he wants.

For example, he literally outrun and hid from the mafia for years. Like, that in itself is an obvious point but we often forget that he did this at a very young age.

Like, he was presumably what? 16?? (when Mary kicked the bucket?) And kid was already playing hide and seek pretty well with a freaking mafia.

He does not get enough credit for this.

The survival skills it takes- the mental strength to survive as a runaway and technically he’s also homeless- at freaking 16, that’s just insane.

Also, let’s not mention the fact that it takes skills to forge official papers and all that.

We also do not talk enough about Neil and how he freaking have to relearn an entirely new position just to play exy.

I don’t think most remember that he’s actually a backliner, but have to play as a striker because it was the only available position in that local high school he attended in Millport, and that was how Kevin saw him so he was recruited as a striker.

We also additionally do not talk enough about how Kevin “literal and figurative Son of Exy” Day found potential for court in Neil “I’m a backliner but I’m playing striker because it’s the only thing available and I’m an exy junkie” Josten who only played it for like a year or less.

Like yeah, Kevin said he needs more training but it’s not even Neil’s official position.

The talent on this man- I cannot, he is such an icon.

Aside from his great survival skills and being literally great at picking things up- he’s also like freaking academically smart.

Like that also doesn’t get enough credit- I mean, he does math for fun.

Frankly, I think if you did Kumon or if you had an awesome teacher you could also do math for fun (I know I did) but this should be noted with the fact that he didn’t have proper schooling.

He went on a run at a really young age so there is no way he received formal education.

Which means he is naturally like really smart.

He’s also a polyglot. And the languages he has under his belt are all freaking difficult to learn- like, no kidding: French, German, and he can assumingly speak intermediate Spanish, and we don’t even have an idea if this is all the languages he can speak.

Also, he and Andrew learns how to speak Russian, right? Like, that’s crazy.

The brain on this man and the power that he has- my son, I am so proud.

I mean, for all we know- there’s more than that and the fact that he’s like 18 at TFC screams supremacy.

This is where I argue about his EQ but Neil is crazy perceptive.

It took him like freaking 3 seconds to figure out the team dynamics the foxes have, and how to work against it.

He later figured out how to make it all mesh together.

Like the way he do things isn’t conventional but reading him analyze his team despite his lack of empathy really makes me shudder.

Like, this kid is so freaking smart. I remember reading his thought process for the very first time and being like, okay- I definitely did not think about that.

The main problem with his EQ though is that he doesn’t know how to process positive stuff when he’s involved, but when he’s the outsider- his perspective is so amazing.

Like again, he kind of lacks empathy but the way he understands things and is just so sharp is just noteworthy.

I’d argue he doesn’t understand social cues and “modern teen things” but he isn’t so completely clueless on the social aspect in general as to not manipulate an entire team of misfits with issues to work together.

He’s literally the key to unity in AFTG. Even Dan says so.

Also, the way he puts things into play- like he’s a master manipulator, and I love that for him.

We do not talk enough about manipulative Neil, like I just really love manipulative characters in general so much- especially if they’re just owning it.

I mean, he freaking manipulated Andrew and Aaron into therapy. Kind of evil but also wow. (just a sidenote, please don’t force people into therapy lol)

Going completely dark for a second, Neil also has a freaking high pain tolerance.

The amount of horrible things he went through in the books were just so sad and the fact that he just kind of moves on from it? That’s just completely oh my gods.

My poor summer child, even if you can kill me at any given time, let me just hug you for a second with consent.

Everyone also gives shit about Neil’s fashion choices and granted it is said he kind of bags the homeless looks but the fact that he values utility above all else-

Yes, we stan a resourceful king.

Lowkey though, am I the only one who appreciate Neil’s average style?

Speaking of style- I love the way Neil narrates. Like, the way he doesn’t give much attention to how the character looks- it’s just so realistic?

Because if I’m talking to a person in real life, there is no way I am noting how his blue polo makes him kind of casual but clean-cut and how his brown eyes is as warm as my morning coffee. Like, who even does that?

The thing with Neil’s narration is that it’s just so authentic- like it easily engages the readers and the way he gives importance to every thing the same way, it really makes it easier for the reader to discern things objectively, y’know what I mean?

He just has that quality in a main character and narrator- he’s laidback and sarcastic but not trying too hard, and he’s just really easy to love.

Like, I normally don’t like narrators/main characters in books because I favor a side character more or just because they’re annoying, but Neil Josten is legit lovable.

At the same time, he’s also a really well-written character. Like, for all the technicalities I point out in AFTG, Neil is an asshole. He’s not perfect and I don’t 100% love everything that he does and I love that.

He’s a flawed character but he gives you something to root for- and I just really want to appreciate his characterization for a second. Most books make their characters’ flaws not even their fault to put a check to the flawed character but at the same time still have that perfect character. Eeww, no- give me real flaws to work with.

He’s one of the realest protagonists I ever read.

Like people give him shit for wanting to hide but also choosing to play a nationwide-discerned sport on an infamous collegiate team but for me it’s kind of realistic.

Because I think we, as human beings, also do things we love too much regardless of logic. I don’t know, like it’s kind of funny the way Neil is written but I honestly didn’t see him joining Palmetto as a loophole.

Like, just think of all those successful people who hid their identities via pseudonym or other necessary means to do things they weren’t expected to do or weren’t allowed to do.

For me, his character was really just looking for excuses to play his favorite sport a second longer and if anything, that’s just kind of sad.

But also, his dedication and love to exy is really admirable- like I never understood it but the way he literally does everything to stay on the court for a second longer just makes me want to root for him.

On a random note, Neil may not have an eidetic memory like Andrew’s but the way he memorize most phone numbers by heart?

Bruh, I don’t even have my phone number memorized and I freaking have it for two years now.

He also memorizes every twists and turns at every trip, every exits at a room he enters, and most people’s tics upon the first meeting, and other things and that’s just crazy perceptive but also really crazy on another level.

Also, we don’t get much ace/demi representation and out of the few I’ve consumed, demi Neil Josten validates me. He’s legit my favorite character that belongs in the ace spec in books.

I just really love Neil’s character so much- he’s just so amazing.

One thing I always appreciate about Neil Josten is that while he’s not a total angel (sadly), the way he loves the foxes- like he legit tried to mend the team and make sure everyone is going to be okay before walking straight to his death- like I’m with Andrew on this one, what a fucking martyr. Why are you like this and why am I crying?

Neil Josten is by all means not soft, that much is established, but the way he’s just still as precious and must be protected at all costs-

"You know, I get it," Neil said. "Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time."

I love him, your honor- where can I file this adoption papers and do I have anything else to sign?

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actualbird · 2 years

Note

In that intro to psych post I feel like Marius and Luke would get in a fistfight with the professor, Cynthia will make the professor cry, and artem will have a mental breakdown- ghost

irt nxx boys in ur intro to philosophy class

hi ghost! hi anon!!!

ghost im assuming u mean philosophy (because the boys in an intro to psych class is a WHOLE OTHER DISCUSSION) and dkjfbkkJBKJ

irt to ghost's ask:

marius and luke get into a fistfight with each other because any time morality or goodness is brought up, luke is always in the vaguely catholic camp of "IT HAS TO BENEFIT OTHERS, THERE ARE NO GREY AREAS. GUILT IS A REQUIREMENT, HOW ELSE ARE WE GOING TO KNOW THAT WE MUST BE BETTER?" while marius would believe "guilt is valid and does have merit in identifying things to work on, but the lack of it doesnt mean ur bad and can never improve. get therapy, babe. also, everything is grey areas!!" and nobody will be able to tear them apart except for mc who comes in with a roll of newspaper, thwacking them on the head until they behave

EDIT: OH I MISREAD. GHOST, I THOUGHT U SAID MARIUS AND LUKE WILL HAVE A FISTFIGHT WITH EACH OTHER. U SAID WITH THE PROFESSOR KJFBKGJKG. okay, luke wouldnt, hard stop. hes too nice for that, hes only punching the professor if they made mc cry or if theyve done a heinous crime. marius also wouldnt, not because hes nice, but because he'd MUCH rather enjoy watching the prof steadily get more and more frustrated. the prof wants to punch him. and hes daring them to.

artem is sitting there with his head in his hands because if theres no correct or incorrect answers, WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO???? HOW DOES HE NAVIGATE A WORLD WHERE NOTHING IS A FAILURE?????? his answer, for now, is that He is the failure.

i assume ur autocorrect turned "vyn" into "Cynthia" and that made me laugh for a good 5 minutes. vynthia richter would not make the professor cry, i think, but he will be sent out to think about what hes done. his input is intelligent and valuable! but jesus christ, lighten up, will you?

irt to anon's ask:

forgive me, it's been a few years since ive been in college so i may be wrong but my understanding of postmodernism is that it is the rejection of the widely accepted definitions, the rejection of the Grand Narratives that modernism before it had put into place. theres something very rigid about modernism, something that does fit artem's own rigidity, but....not quite?

because i think artem's shtick isnt so much disliking the avoidance of definition, more so that i see artem as somebody who sees the world (or more accurately, his actions and life and personality) as something that needs to be Correct and Successful. which, in itself, is a definition, ur right! but idk, it's not that he wants everything to be defined, he just wants so badly and so desperately to be what is Correct in the situations and relationships that he pursues in life.

like, even when he's picking TOMATOES [SR Fixated On You] he searches for the Most Correct Tomato, the one that is the Pinnacle Of What A Correct Tomato Is Supposed To Be.

it's funny, actually. in artem's quest to embody what he thinks is the Correct answer for things, what hes doing is actually creating his own unattainable definition of Correct. artem wing's brain is literally working so fucking hard to make his own life more difficult for him LMAOOOO.

sidenote: when i write luke, i always use the words "good / bad" whereas with artem, i always use the words "correct / incorrect" or "wrong / right." ive mentioned this before in past posts, but i see luke's whole thing being morality while artem's whole thing is something more "empirical" which, like, lol because artem, honeypie, theres gonna be a LOT of things with no empirical answers. luke and artem are two sides of the same coin actually, both of them tend to see the world in black and white. i just make them use a different language, based on their personality in canon.

can you believe how much thought im putting into these otome men? i feel deranged everyday

#tears of themis #artem wing #tot artem #tears of themis headcanons #anon

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

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jib 7 breakdown and analysis

a little while ago i said that i am open to requests for making analysis posts when it comes to cockles panels and just cockles in general, and i got quite a few responses. the first person who asked me was my lovely tea anon, and the panel in question is jib 2016 aka jib 7.

first of all i want to give you my take on the overall vibe, and then second of all i will get into the details and link to certain timestamps in the video.

standard disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. my recommendation would be to watch the panel in its entirety alongside my comments. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.

the overall vibe that this panel gives me is that jensen and misha are a unity at this point. they are in sync with each other, and this whole panel is very relaxed and in good spirits. there is also the fact that their outfits match very well. and with jensen ross ackles involved, that cannot be a coincidence, so i love that a lot.

another thing that i cannot ignore is that it’s also a very sexual panel, with a lot of double meanings and innuendos and remarks that can be read as sexual if you are as pervy as me.

now let’s get into the specifics.

although i am sure this is not going to be news for any of you, i feel like a little background knowledge is in order. before this panel, misha had had a panel that day with j*red. the mishalecki panel was really fucking funny and filled with sexual innuendos.

between these two panels, it appears that there was a break in which they all had nothing to do (i am basing this off other people’s experiences and reports that i have read in the past, as i unfortunately wasn’t there myself).

considering how this panel goes, i think there is a good chance that jensen and misha just had sex beforehand. and based on both of their demeanors, one could draw certain conclusions about who did what (i honestly don’t like talking about who tops and who bottoms because who gives a shit and things are rarely that black and white, but all i’m gonna say is that even though jensen has joked about his asshole before, jensen and misha clearly said switch rights).

from the very first second. the VERY FIRST SECOND. jensen is sauntering on stage like he is thee man. then the crowd is cheering ‘one more time’, and jensen looks at misha, starts cheering too, and makes a movement that is bordering on obscene before waving it away. conclusion: ‘one more time’ could also mean ‘one more round of hot steaming sex’ and he still had sex on the brains, so that was what he was thinking about.

ahhh, the intricate ritual [1m34s] of greeting each other on stage as if you haven’t spoken to each other all day, even though you probably just had sex….. jensen ackles, i wanna study you. i wonder what the deal is with that. does he just like to pay misha extra attention on stage? does he revel in the fact that he knows that fans like this sort of interaction? can he just not help himself? questions that keep me up at night.

also, there is just SOMETHING about the way jensen says ‘i’m doing well how are you?’ it’s almost flustered? borderline shy? and then he goes on to say that he did an impression of misha earlier, in a manner that’s just so flirty. idk guys. it’s flirty. kindergarten flirty, but flirty nonetheless.

misha, of course, immediately turns his entire body towards him. almost as if they both already forgot there is an audience in front of them. then he just gets closer and closer to jensen, for no reason whatsoever except for the pure magnetic pull they have on each other. pray4misha.

i think it is a testament to how in sync they are that misha immediately realises that jensen mentioned bicycle touring during his ‘impression of misha’, and i love the moment where jensen puts on an accent (something that misha normally does) and goes ‘is like sport’ and misha laughs and goes ‘is very similar to sport’ and they both lose it. idk, i feel like that might be a sort of inside joke to them as well.

this might be slightly reaching, but hear me out: right away, jensen goes: ‘oh by the way, sore?’ why would he say ‘by the way’? what is he thinking about when he says that? is it about ‘is very similar to sport’? because i could totally see them having sex and refering to it as ‘well that’s kind of like a sport’, as an inside joke. it works. i’m just saying!!!

look. i know this back and forth has been discussed to death. we all know that the implication is that jensen fucked misha and misha is kind of stunned that jensen actually goes there. so stunned that he repeats it: ‘sore? am i sore?’ almost as if to stall a bit in his response. yikes.

i think that it’s fair to say that this is something jensen enjoys doing: riling misha up on stage. because a lot of the time, misha has the upper hand on stage (probably also in the bedroom but that’s another conversation), but sometimes. sometimes jensen just can’t help but throw a lil oil onto the fire. (see also: underbear panel, throwing himself on stage to get straddled, etc).

misha goes on to say that ‘after the panel with j*red’ he is quite sore. you can take that at face value, and think ‘oh so he is joking around that the panel with j*red made him sore haha’ or you can see a little bit of the truth shine through: literally after that panel, something happened that made him sore. it’s always easier to lie when you are bending the truth.

i actually can’t believe i never connected the dots before, but when misha deflects and says ‘oh you’re talking about the bike riding’ jensen is quick to say: ‘oh no i was talking about what just happened’ but instead of pointing at the stage (which is where the previous panel took place) he is gesturing to backstage. i mean…. way to feed into my ‘they just had sex backstage’ theory, jackles. thanks for that.

i cannot get over the way jensen is looking at misha throughout this whole ordeal, but especially when he goes ‘you heard it here first, folks’ and misha walks up to him. THAT FACE. fuck him. he’s so gone.

sidenote: i have never wished to be able to read lips as much as i have since i have stumbled upon these two morons, because i WISH i could see what misha is mouthing to jensen. i know there is some spec that he might have said ‘i am a little bit’ (aka he is a little bit sore) and i could see that, but i just want to know for sure. and even though i have seen people state that jensen would have already known about the panel with j*red, i think it’s possible misha hadn’t filled jensen in yet, seeing as they probably were doing something other than talking.

let me take this moment to tell y’all about one of my jenmish theories, and that is: i think that jensen sometimes is overprotective of misha and that can come across as jealousy when it’s actually just worry. and i think this panel is a good example of that.

misha says [4m25s] that in italy they call come influence and jensen just. straight up looks at misha like ‘what the fuck did you do, what mess did you get yourself into this time?’ this is another reason why i believe he actually didn’t know about what happened during that panel yet: the reaction looks very authentic. you see his eyes shift from one side to the other and back again, as he is trying to process it. and honestly when you look at misha, his face goes through this journey of ‘this is funny’ to ‘shit is this maybe going a bit too far?’ and ending on ‘okay wrap it up wrap it up’. this is further solidified by the fact that jensen starts to mime digging a grave (aka ‘digging your own grave’).

misha tries to ‘change the subject’ by saying cas is the bottom in the implied relationship with sam and jensen immediately brings it back to sports. see what i meant when i said that they are tying sex and sports together? here jackles goes again, doing exactly that. for no reason whatsoever. (except to once again proof my point).

WHY [5m50s] do they both burst out laughing at ‘tight end’ why why why i don’t wanna know but why why also quick reminder of ‘are you sore at all’ help i am just. EVERY DAY they are making me perceive things and connect dots and i do not like it. anyways i’m not saying that this is all very graphic stuff about their sex lives but i’m also not not saying it, you feel? jensen’s face says it all tbh. on a more wholesome note: i love the fact that they basically wanted to say ‘we should take questions’ at the same time. again: in sync.

when the first person to ask a question said ‘this is a serious question’ misha goes to explain to jensen that that was a joke during his panel with j*red, another reason to believe that he hadn’t told jensen about the panel yet. jensen’s face there…. heart eyes motherfucker.

i really don’t see enough people talk about the ‘safe word’ [6m38s] bit. jensen is the one to bring it up ‘so we should probably establish a safe word at this point. mine is keep going.’ misha laughs, and then realises what jensen has said, and (here comes my dom/sub truthing) teases jensen by saying ‘what is your safe word?’ to which jensen replies ‘keep going’ but LOOK at jensen’s face after he says that. he shakes his head with a little smirk and looks at misha with such a knowing look in his eyes that says ‘you fucker you know damn well what my safe word is’ and he actually does a double take and immediately rolls his eyes at himself after that. it’s all very quick but it’s far from subtle and i am here for it.

i fucking love this next part because when the person says ‘a real story about the real jensen and the real misha’ they both are just like ‘yes okay’ but as soon as they say ‘that you have never told anyone before’ jensen just looks down and moves his head as if to say ‘what the hell am i supposed to come up with then’ lmao it’s really funny, and they end it with: ‘to know you a little bit better’ and guys (gn) i beg of you to look at the way they look at each other here. [7m24s] jensen is just like ‘help wtf should we say to this’ and misha just smiles down at him fondly like ‘sigh our fans really want us to talk about our relationship and as much as we would love to share stuff we just can’t’.

when misha says ‘we have to dust off some of those stories that we usually try not to tell other people’, something comes to mind: the ‘3 least ordered items on the menu’ story, that jensen shared a year after this at honcon. i honestly think that maybe they started to talk about what else they could share with the public, after this panel, because they get similar questions like this one all the time. either that or jensen just thought about what he felt comfortable sharing, without talking to misha about it, and decided to tell that story.

i also absolutely love when they say ‘this is a serious question’ at the same time. AGAIN: IN SYNC!!!

‘i actually have a voice for you’ jensen can you please tell me why this sounds flirty and charming while you are actually about to make fun of your husband? i hate you (no i don’t) the fact that misha immediately knows what will happen, says a lot.

then jensen says: ‘dust off an old story for uhh..’ and burst out laughing. i swear to god i’d give my left pinkie to know what came to mind and what he whispered into misha’s ear. and i’m left handed. but i think we can all agree that whatever jensen said, it was something sexual, seeing as misha goes ‘nope’. those fuckers (affectionate).

something that i have mentioned in the past is that jensen always sort of ‘jokey’ goes ‘oh shit’ whenever misha says he’ll share something personal/private about them. i mean. jensen, it would be less sus if you didn’t respond. just giving you some pointers here, bro. because misha almost never shares something strange, it’s actually your reaction that makes me go ‘hmmmm.’ this time he even gets kind of elaborate breathing?? [10m27s]

oh to be a fly in clif’s car… honestly, the things clif must have heard and witnessed lmao. he clearly knows what is up between them (has made enough remarks about thinking that misha would be the bottom and that misha on his knees was nothing new for me to see that he absolutely knows.)

this isn’t really important when it comes to cockles but they talk a bit about j*red’s internet dispute with at&t and jensen goes ‘oh they know’ gesturing to the audience. so clearly, jensen is well aware of the fact that fandom gets involved whenever something happens online with any one of them. just. thought that is an interesting fact. just in general. also love how i can tell that they both think j*reds crusades are bullshit (as they should).

there is something really cute [14m13s] about the way misha goes ‘do you want your apple juice?’ and jensen goes ‘yeah!’ it sounds so domestic and mundane and i just. god i love them so much.

i know we talk about jensen’s heart eyes a lot. but y’all. look [14m52s] at misha right here. he’s SO in love.

the thing that strikes me about jensen putting on ‘that voice’ for misha is that misha is honestly not bothered by it at all, but i think if the shoe was on the other foot, jensen would definitely be bothered. i don’t know what conclusion to draw from that but i just thought that is interesting. i always laugh at that bit, though, they seem to have so much fun.

i REALLY wanna know how jensen got from ‘will you dance for us?’ to ‘no but i’ll tell you what, misha and i will write a song for you real quickly.’ it’s such a fast transition that i am tempted to think that this was something he had been thinking about for a while now. he just wanted his mish to sing a song. and that warms my heart.

if you think i will ever get over how soft jensen is here… ‘you’re smart, you think on your feet, you make brilliant videos, put them on facebook, write amazing texts (*coughs* poems) and tweets and stuff, go ahead. spit out some lyrics, big guy.’ there is not one single thing about this that i do not adore. an ode to misha!!!! so casually!!! fuck. it might be true that if you want jensen to do something, you get misha to ask him, but it’s certainly also true the other way around.

the way jensen just. stares [19m02s] at misha, trying to get inspired by him, trying to feel out what cords to play. yeah. the way misha stands up but instinctively turns to jensen when he starts to sing. yeah. and then during the remainder of the song, he keeps on turning to jensen even though he faces the audience. and jensen loved it all. it’s so sweet. idk why but it just is. jensen just wanted his babe to thrive and get the love he deserves.

aaaand in comes the dom shake [20m37s]. we love to see it. jensen just keeps on looking at mish. almost gets lost in it. touches his inner thigh (one of his habits, which he does a lot around misha or when talking about misha).

i think it’s very interesting that jensen’s reaction [22m11s] to the question if he thinks dean will ever find a way to have a romantic relationship and to find himself in between normal and supernatural, is to immediately looks at misha. like? what was the reason? did he expect misha to answer a question that wasn’t about cas but about dean? did he think he should maybe answer it in a destiel-like manner? was he worried that the fan was hoping for a destiel-like answer and was he looking at misha to gauge what he thought was a smart way to respond? so many questions.

i think it’s pretty interesting that jensen was very aware of the fact that people did not wanna see dean end up with a huntress lmao. he absolutely was aware of so many fandom things.

when jensen said that misha just crossed the line [23m40s], it’s another example of how jensen is ultra aware of what misha says and how it could get him into trouble and by the sounds of it, misha knows that as well but he just can’t always stop himself in time. from what we can see, he often realises just after he has already said something (when it is already too late).

listen. the fact that misha says ‘when harry met sally’ BEFORE the question was even finished, and jensen LAUGHS, like??? that panel was 5 years ago at that point. it clearly made a lot of impact on the both of them (jeez i wonder why, could it be because misha faked an orgasm and jensen got excited? hmm. who knows.)

i think the dance portion is so fucking hilarious i’m wheeeezing. literally. they are just moving randomly AND YET THEY STILL SORT OF ARE IN SYNC? amazing.

you wanna know what i find really cute? the fact that jensen has such a soft spot for the resume off. part of me thinks it’s because they had a resume off in both 2012 and 2013.

and jib 2012 took place during the famously rumored break up period. i wouldn’t be surprised if jib 2013 was that much more special to him because they finally got to make it right again. don’t look at me i’m getting emotional (on that note…… i might wanna write something about the break up period at some point. but idk. i mean. it’s a lot to delve into especially since i wasn’t in the fandom back then but. it compels me. we’ll see i guess.)

okay i know i keep saying this but they are SO in sync, as soon as they talk about photo ops and jensen goes ‘and to dab a little salt in the wound’ misha knows what he is gonna say, and they stand up together to demonstrate what happened. AND they both go ‘that’s not the punchline’ they are husbands.

misha and jensen have both “twirled away laughing” in the EXACT same manner during this panel: misha when jensen starts to read the script, and jensen right here when misha says ‘what’s it like to be in a successful long running show’. they are mirrors. listen. listen. i know my mind is in the gutter a LOT of the time but like. uhm. there is this moment where they recall a woman saying in the photo op to ‘eat it’ (the string candy she gave to them) and misha says ‘and so we did’ and jensen looks at misha and it is SUCH an incriminating look i mean i don’t wanna be that person but 5 bucks he was thinking about eating misha out i am JUST SAYING. LITERALLY LOOK AT HIS FACE. [28m55s]

misha teases [7m02s] jensen by saying ‘what did you do? did you actually do it on purpose orrrr’ and i think it was to make jensen elaborate on it. which i think is a fucking good way to pull that off when it comes to jensen. cause jensen doesn’t like to brag, which misha knows, so by making that joke he is essentially trying to get jackles to tell the audience more about what he did, without him feeling like he is boasting about himself. and misha looks so pleased when jensen starts talking.

fuck i literally had to pause just now because. jensen says: ‘one of the characteristics of dean that i love to play is that he can bottle those fears up, stash them away, and just go. and uhm… sometimes i wish i could do that.’

this is actually making me a bit emotional because. he took his time saying this. it was a very deliberate move. he wasn’t sorry he said anything or regretted it. he wanted to get that out there. and i just. it makes so much sense if what we all think is actually true. he wishes he could just ignore all his fears and go for it. and it’s not hard to imagine what ‘it’ could be: coming out. whether that be just about his relationship with misha or being attracted to more than women in general, just in any way shape or form. it’s poignant. and misha turns away, but you can see him sigh a little bit.

the whole bit about “apple juice” is just very cute and i enjoy it a lot. one thing i will say though is that i can kind of spot two tells of jensen: the way his face scrunches up when he is telling a lie that he thinks is clever, and the way he always leaves his chair to pour a drink when a question becomes difficult/hard/too funny to face head on. he has done both of those things time and time again, during panels with misha. just an observation.

there is this little moment [10m13s] where misha tells the story about how he used to make apple cider with worms and dirt in it and in the end he goes ‘anyways. new england apple cider everyone. highly recommend.’ and jensen echoes that, ‘highly recommend. yeah.’ and of course that could just be a way to joke around and play along with misha but i’d like to think that he has visited misha and they had some apple cider together. just because i like the thought and i can, so.

how CUTE is it that jensen remembers ‘i’ll just wait here then’, a line cas spoke 7 years prior to that panel, in a scene jensen wasn’t even in. i love it.

jensen slowly shaking his head when misha says ‘fuck’ and apologizing for it has SUCH major ‘excuse my husband’ energy. i love it.

‘i’ve got an idea’ [14m13s] ‘what? let’s do it’ misha imMEDIATELY regretted that lmaooo they are always so aware of double meanings and yet they cannot seem to help themselves. we love to see it.

can you BELIEVE jensen ‘dance monkey dance’ ackles OFFERED to shamelessly promote a movie they have nothing to do with??? jensen, who hates the fact that they have to play some sort of show on stage, actually wanted to do that with misha??? i’m just- something something if you want jensen to do anything ask misha, but apparently also: if you want jensen to do something get misha involved and he’ll love it.

and then he has the audacity to say ‘over to the wheel of love.’ i mean. i can’t.

(i don’t necessarily understand what is happening btw but that’s okay, because it leads to champagne. which is fun.)

okay so again apologies for my mind being in the gutter but jensen’s face [16m33s] when he says he is going to explain what [the champagne] tastes like……. hm. help.

honestly i just love the whole champagne bit because i love it whenever they get so playful on stage, and them “presenting” the bottle and going all ‘we know what we’re talking about’ ‘we’re kind of connaisseurs’ and the whole english accent bit. say it with me…. in sync.

jensen popping a champagne bottle is something that can be so personal…. (i’m touch starved and going crazy, leave me alone)

i absolutely love the fact that jensen notices that misha is miming taking off his pants and misha immediately runs to him to explain and jensen just goes full on protective husband mode (YET AGAIN) ‘i turn my back for 2 minutes’ lmao it’s just such old married couple behavior. an old married couple that is horny and deranged, but still.

i’ve seen the gifset of this moment [24m52s] many a times but i still think it’s so intimate. the way misha looks at jensen and walks backwards with him, for no fucking reason at all. sigh. misha’s hand clenches a little, and honestly i think he would have wanted to reach out to jensen in that moment. pat his arm or his back. and something happens a little while later that only proves my point even more…

that caress [60m5s] is probably one of the most intimate gestures i’ve seen between them. it’s so familiar. so natural. it says a lot.

and that’s the end of the panel. all in all i have to say that i enjoyed rewatching this panel with the analysis goggles on, because it’s really a very different experience and i picked up on a lot more than i did when i watched it just for fun. i think this is one of my favorite panels of theirs (at least until my next analysis lmao) because of the fact that they are so in sync with each other, which goes to show that their relationship was in such a good place (mind you i am only using past tense because i am describing a past panel, not because i think they’re not in a good place right now). this was a lot of fun folks, if you actually read all of this, god bles, you’re the best. see you next time!

#cockles #jib 7 #this is very very long but in my defense this panel is an hour long #comments and thoughts are always appreciated!!

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sparxwrites · 2 years

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[Part 1]It's been about 2 or so days since I've read “heaven help the ones who fly away” and I am suffering. It is haunting me. 10/10 you've sent me straight to scarian hell. I don't know how I got here but I'm both having the worst and best time. 10/10 head canons. You got their voices so perfect that you managed to make my internal voice mimic theirs the entire time I was reading.

[Part 2]Such an interesting idea it's killing me that there isn't more. I can just imagine the tension that would be there now that Scar and Grian have to stay in such close proximity with all that has happened between them. Sweet though, that the second Grian was no longer hindered by that little voice in his head he went straight to Scar to strike up a partnership he has no way of refusing. Guess he missed those old times dearly :>

so, so happy i have sent someone else to scarian hell, because i've been squatting here since the first episode of third life and it's eating me up lmao. always nice to have company when you're suffering!! welcome to hell, we have smores, please tell me all your thoughts immediately.

but yeah, grian immediately going to scar when he turned red in that fic was very much like... my read was both of them have this kind of emotion-hangover from third life where they desperately want to close to/working with the other, and don't really want to talk about it because that requires Discussing Emotions and also facing a lot of trauma re: the way third life ended. so it takes grian losing his inhibitions to act on that "i wanna be clingy at you" impulse, even if he does it in a, uh... typically murderous red-life way.

in terms of where it goes from there, with them working together, i think it's extremely like. nervous and awkward on both sides, scar because "please don't kill me, also i miss you and never told you and now i can't because you wouldn't care" and grian because "i miss you, but also my brain is fucked right now so that's just coming across as want want want possess want, but the underlying i care for you thread is making me uncomfortable because i can't really process tender emotions properly as a red". unclear whether they eventually manage to confront and rectify that somehow as a red/green pair and become the scam-and-murder server power-couple they deserve to be, or whether scar manages to shove a life into grian without getting immediately slaughtered in return and they then process that as two non-reds coming out of a fraught and lightly traumatic partnership that's just compounded all the third life shit stewing in their brains.

either way, it's kind of awkward and messy and stilted on both sides, because i love scarian as like. two people doing very steady pining one-sided slowburn for like a billion years, slowly developing all this history and soft heavy unresolved hurting and wanting, without realising they are both doing this because they're idiots and bad at talking.

the dream is that they have both been fucking for like a year and have like... toothbrushes and a pair of clothes at each other's bases and regularly spend the night and make breakfast and timeshare whose base they go to and stuff, before one of them accidentally lets slip that they like the other and the other is like. oh my god you like me?? and then they both panic about it. despite, i repeat, having been sleeping together and cohabiting for a year. literally everyone else on the server has been assuming they are together. grian goes to mumbo in a panic like oh my god scar likes me. like he Likes Me likes me. and mumbo feels like someone's dropped an anvil on him because wait why are you freaking out that your boyfriend likes you? and grian's like what the do you mean my boyfriend. i don't have a boyfriend??? and they both just sort of do ???? at each other in increasingly loud and high-pitched, panicked bemusement for a solid half an hour. it would just be so so funny. peak comedy. best dynamic.

(sidenote: what is up with people mentioning that my dialogue makes them hear the characters' voices in their head? i'm very flattered, but it's also a really specific bit of feedback and i've gotten it a lot since i've started on my newest mcyt fic rampage, and never really gotten it before... if you've followed me for a while, is this a new thing i've started being able to do, or is it just a 'higher concentration of beginner writers in mcyt' thing, or a 'higher concentration of new-to-fandom in mcyt' or what? genuinely curious whether this is something i've suddenly improved on/gained the ability to do, or whether people just aren't used to it here.)

#anonymous #ask #scarian #hermitshipping #last life smp #life smp tag #hermits crafting #sparx chats #someone else please write my 200k 'friends to lovers' 'and there was only one bed' pining miscommunication scarian fic pls #genuinely unclear what's happened to me bc i have literally never given a shit abt any of those tropes before #but i Desperately need stupid romcom bullshit for these two like #i crave it deep within my soul #not reflected in any of the angsty nonsense i've written for them but Please Know It's There In My Heart

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a-stitch-in-time-and-space · 3 years

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ok i agree w/ everything you said about those ladies besides, lwaxana gives s*xual pr*dator vibes and that is why i dont like her.

I can see that reading for sure and all things are subjective. I do strongly disagree, but hey, fandom is a space for that! Super chill.

to go a little more into this though, since it's not really so much about what any of us feel, but more about how we engage with female characters (and I'll use your example of why you don't like her - not to drag you, your dislike is totally fair, she's fictional, she won't mind, but just because it's a single line that kinda puts her in a box. And not a very nice box to be in, that's for sure...)

a little tw for mild references to some of the shadier writings of star trek vis a vis sexual assault and otherwise sexist and/or strange relationship dynamics

okay so you know how Riker has like. two? episodes that're suuuper shady in terms of his treatment of women and the rest of the time it's pretty chill. and he's one of my favourite characters, but I have gotta skip those episodes, because whatever they were trying to do, they Did Not Succeed - and there's a reading of him that incorporates those elements and if you do you've gotta contend with the character being quite probably someone who's assaulted women.

or how Worf at times espouses sexist shit that makes me roll my eyes outta my head and you're either gonna say "I don't fucking like this character" (and again, totally fair, I've seen people who don't Vibe) or you've gotta find a way to make this work for you if you want to explore that character - or both of those things, you can dislike a character and want to write about them

Or some of the weird shit the writers have Geordi do (which, Geordi is my favourite character in TNG, but sometimes ya gotta breathe and go "the writers are fucking dumb, the writers are fucking dumb")

or - the spiritual successor of Geordi, Julian Bashir (my favourite character from DS9 - clearly I have a Type). You've gotta go: This is stupid writing. I can make it work with my own read of the character, but first and foremost The Writing Is Dumb!

Or hell, Q - since we're talking about Lwaxana and I assume her interactions with Picard and Odo, let's not forget to mention Q, both in TNG and on VOY with Janeway - some of the more urgh-inducing scenes between Q and Janeway are, I think, meant to be charming and funny? And I'm a massive QCard shipper here, okay, I actually vibe so hard with him as an alien who doesn't get shit about boundaries (this mostly with Picard, with Janeway I have gone: "Hm. This doesn't feel good" a fair few times).

or how the writers of DS9 had Garak be in a very uncomfortable relationship with Ziyal, who was a teenager, then not a teenager within much too short a span of episodes (and actress changes)

or Quark. Remember the episode in which Quark tries to get Kira's likeness so he can put it in a sex-fantasy roleplay that she did not consent to? or how there are two cold opens where his female employees are told they have to sleep with him to keep their jobs

or like... Neelix (okay, I am not a fan of Neelix anyway, but for people who are fans, there are times when you've gotta wonder what in the heck the writers are thinking - not the character, the writers)

what I'm trying to say with the post I wrote is that this same graciousness isn't offered to female characters - especially female characters of colour, but in the case of Lwaxana

she's older, she's an ongoing female guest star, she's very (sometimes uncomfortably) sexual towards especially Picard and for a short while Odo, before they become really good friends.

she's also in-text several times in positions in which men are trying to control her (the episode where she gets kidnapped, the episode in which the guy who's married her is a misogynist) and she uses or tries to use her "wiles" to escape these situations.

She's really more of a faded beauty who's putting a pressure onto her daughter (in a rare interesting, complex, fraught mother-daughter dynamic that I loooove) and refuses to let go of the past, because (and here we get into my read, but mildly supported by canon) it's the only way she seems to have learned how to be loved and have relevance. She's terrified of letting that go, because where does she go next, without everything that's defined her? which is why her final episode with Odo is actually so powerful to me.

Picard is never threatened by her in-text. He's not massively fond of her (at first, she grows on him... like a mold), he would prefer to avoid her, but he's not in a powerless situation here. She undoubtedly makes him uncomfortable at times in a way that - like some of the above examples have made me go "mmmmokay" but certainly not the worst example of this in the writing.

With Odo I also don't like how some of her interactions with him go in the first episode they're in together. But once they're friends and you see how easily she accepts him ("I can swim" is always going to be one of my favourite little chuckle lines) that no longer applies. He clearly likes her and enjoys her company. There's something incredibly lifelong platonic partners in their easiness with each other.

You can argue in both cases (and argue well) that there are scenes that are kinda sus. But there are lots of scenes that offer you depth of character. She's not one-note. She's got off moments.

Some of these guys (and others - I haven't watched as much TOS and Voyager so I don't want to misrepresent anyone, but I feel sure that Tom Paris has made me squint once or twice + I've not seen Enterprise yet) have whole episodes that make me shudder.

It's really - within this fandom for sure - open how we interpret characters and I'm not saying anyone needs to read Lwaxana like this or change their minds and like her.

The point of the post is not to say you have to like any of these characters. Or even to say you have to engage with them regardless of how you vibe or don't vibe with them. It's just... I have listened to several up-until-then-enjoyable deeply analytical podcasts where at some point one of the (guys... always guys... I'm guessing white) makes a sneering comment completely dismissing their value within the series.

My point is that Lwaxana (since we're on her) has value as a character within the Trek universe. She added something important. She's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's a big series, we're not all guaranteed to like everyone.

and in the original post I used "shrill" and "cringy" on purpose, because those are descriptors I've heard. And they are absolutely rooted in misogynist dismissals of female characters no matter what shape they take (Keiko, Lwaxana, Michael, and Ezri are radically different from each other and yet all easily brushed aside regardless of screentime, personality, show, age, role/job).

I'm not making points about having to engage with or like characters. I'm just saying we need to be aware of how easily we specifically look down our noses at female characters (and specifically female characters of colour - apologies, this was just because we were talking about Lwaxana, but some of the shit I've heard about especially Michael and Keiko have made me want to bang my head against a wall... or other peoples heads against walls... you know, for a nice change)

so how much sympathy or analysis of behaviour is afforded to female characters vs their male peers. What judgements are we making and how do they compare to our readings of their male counterparts?

sidenote: I hate using male and female about star trek, my brain is just like "why anyone gender? why do this? you're in space? there are aliens? y'all can't chill with the binary for two fucking seconds?"

different post

#lwaxana troi #tng #ds9 #voy #st: tng #st: ds9 #st: voy #star trek disc horse #I don't want to make statements on TOS or Disco guys - I HAVE seen them I just don't rememberrrr too much #i have entirely avoided any and all opinions by white cis dudes on adira and gray btw because I have F E A R #they're not female characters tho but like... tangentially I'm thinking hooboy about them as well #anon just wanna reiterate I'm not telling you to change your opinion or feelings about her

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