#ALSO someone called them 'a big mess of turtle' and honestly so true

[vazaez]

I finished them btw!!

It was for an insta dtiys but i liked it way too much to just not post it here too so yea

[fandom-blackhole]

If there are anymore slots open could I be part of the shipping thing?🥺

I don’t care about gender 😉 and I’m gonna say either clone wars or the bucket boys+the armorer ( I think I messed up that spelling😬)

My pronouns are she/they and I’m 20!

I have should length brown hair and those weird hazel-grey-green-amber eyes. I’m 5’3” max and have an athletic/curvy-ish body type. I’m asexual but not aromantic, a Scorpio,and a Slytherin 🐍. My favorite colors are sage green, a dark navy/indigo blue, and soft grey tones. My favorite band is AJR but I lovveee listening to musicals and orchestral music as well as country( true country not that luke bryan type stuff). I’m a very open book and have no trouble collecting friends( I say collecting because I just kinda end up with them?) even though most of them are my complete opposite. I’m in college for civil and environmental engineering, and am really passionate about the environment (ESPECIALLY ANIMALS). And on the topic of animals I have sooo many, besides my service dog (Simba) I have 2 others dogs, a bunch of fish, and am know to be that girl who can pet wild squirrels and carry around wild snakes without getting bit. I also adore children of any age ( but especially younger then 8 cause they are just wild). I’m also a big sports/athletics fan, I play golf for my college but I also love volleyball and baseball as well as track. I also have a stupid amount of random knowledge about everything. My style is a equal mix of athletic clothes and earth tones and but up shirts are about half my wardrobe ( also it’s either long sleeves or no sleeves for me). I also hate wearing shoes but love wearing socks and have the WORST TAN LINES EVER. I’m the mom friend but also the fuck-around-and-find-out friend and am also known to throw pens/pencils at people when they annoy me. People say me theme song is ‘No Body No Crime’ by Taylor Swift. I have very strong opinions and a very strong sense of self, and if you piss me off I will remember it( we don’t forgive and forget in this house we RESENT AND REMEMBER). I am very organized and good at working with others( as long as they don’t step all over me). My mom calls me her little goose ( because I am not a duck that falls into line) but my friends call my little one and occasionally the angriest bumblebee. I also have a tattoo of a turtle, a bee, a fox, and the moon phases. I am also a huge plant person and have at least 12 plants in my dorm room with another 10+ at home. My current favorite plant is a burros tail succulent and my favorite flower is a moon flower. I compost and have no shame picking up dirt/rocks/flowers that look interesting. I also write songs and poetry ( that basically no one gets to see). I love movies of any kind ( some of my favs are The Spy Who Dumped Me, Captain Marvel, and Hamilton). I also love to read and honestly prefer fan-fiction to published works. I also am pretty good at cooking and really enjoy spicy food and chicken ( but I don’t eat beef). Uhhhhhhhhhh that’s kinda all of I can think of rn so i you have any more questions feel free to ask 😂. I’m gonna ship you with Rex because I think y’all would really vibe cause of the whole exasperated parent vibe ( who is totally willing to cause mischief when with the right people) and I could totally see y’all pointedly ignoring whatever chaos the others are causing and focusing on each other😍

Hello and thank you for participating in the ships! Also you did spell armorer correctly if that was what you were worried about! (I often have to go back and fix it when I type it because I usually put an extra -er on the end for some reason lol)

I ship you with Din Djarin!

Just to start I think Din would rally love and fall for you over and over just from watching you interact with Grogu. Seeing the two of you smiling or playing never fails to make him smile softly underneath his helmet. That being said though when he walks out of his ship and sees you just surround in little critters with Grogu in your lap he's not quite sure how to react, because he knows from experience that Grogu and small animals are not something that should be mixed, but watching you introduce the animals and allow him to pet them softly allows him to release the breath he had been holding and go about fixing his ship. Well until he hears you holler at Grogu for picking up a frog and trying to eat it. Din being always on the move never really considered having a pet himself so Din will adore your service dog, though you will have to keep an eye on him because he might try to spoil the dog in a way that service animals aren't supposed to be. Din will make sure to buy you the warmest and comfiest socks for when you all are in space because he notices you walk around without shoes so often. Din also marks me as someone who is disorganized as all hell, he just doesn't have time to keep everything nice, you know, so the fact that you are organized is something he appreciates sooooo much. He also appreciates that you are good at cooking because rations get old quick and he likes that you like spicy food because mandalorians canonically (I am pretty sure) like spicy foods. Din once found a little notebook of yours with your songs and poetry in it and he just melted, lovingly pouring over every word with a smile.

Omg yeeessss, I have chronic older sister syndrome and I am pretty sure Rex has chronic older brother syndrome so this totally works lmao

Also catch us sitting in the mess just making heart eyes at each other as we drink caf and in the background there’s Fives and Hardcase who have somehow caught the kitchen on fire lmao

Thank you for the ship, I love it!

Request a Ship (3/20)

[inspector2ndclass]

The Mechanisms as Random Birds I Found on the Internet

Did anyone want this? No. Do I know anything about birds? Also no. Anyways, here’s a shitpost I spent way too long on.

Jonny d’Ville: Northern Mockingbird

First and foremost, here’s Jonny! An asshole! A bastard! An all around terrible person! He shall be a northern mockingbird. This fucking bird has no redeemable qualities other than that it is pretty and a GREAT singer. This is a very aggressive bird. Very territorial. If it had opposable thumbs, it would probably shoot you in like the foot or something. I don’t think these birds are very smart. Just like a certain “captain” that we know. The state bird of Texas, among all places. Never trust a texas. In true Texas fashion, the 1927 legislation declaring the Northern Mockingbird the state’s official bird stated that the species is “a fighter for the protection of his home, falling, if need be, in its defence, like any true texan.” Now Jonny burned down a Texas - maybe not this Texas but whatever. I read somewhere that a mockingbird could peck someone’s dick off, and honestly? Valid.

Gunpowder Tim: Southern Cassowary

Okay, hear me out. This bird is a little bitch - or rather a b i g bitch. In a good way. Look at this fucking bird. It’s majestic. Doesn’t it look just SO trustworthy. What a trustworthy man. And very pretty. Pretty, pretty bird. Who could squash you like a fucking ant. This is one Violent bird. Tim is one Violent person. The cassowary makes a low roaring sound like a fucking dinosaur. I love dinosaurs. DID I MENTION IT LAYS GREEN EGGS. Now you might say, well Tim is a human and humans don’t lay green eggs. Fuck you. It’s never explicitly stated that our very own Gunpowder Tim doesn’t lay green eggs. Also comes with a built-in helmet. As everyone except Tim and the southern cassowary says, safety first! Strikes me as a very egotistical bird. If the cassowary weren’t a bird, I don’t think it would wear a seatbelt.

Ashes O’Reilly: California Condor

Okay, so. This is a cool fucking bird. Just look at it. M a j e s t i c. Do you know who else is really fucking cool? Ashes. They have so much power. Also condors are beautiful birds. Oh my god. California condors are very graceful fliers. For Ashes, I almost went with the brown falcon - one of “Nature’s arsonists”, but other than arson, it’s a rather boring bird. Just brown. And a falcon. BUT THE CALIFORNIA CONDOR. Now that’s a cool bird. The god of the sky. Actually, in the “research” for this post I found a blog post in 2011 from someone who has genuinely worshipped condors as gods since they were a teenager and honestly? Valid. (disclaimer; I am aware that many native cultures worship animals and nature, however I don’t feel qualified to talk about that. I don’t mean any harm by this post.)

DrumBot Brian: Shoebill Stork

Well. I did have a rather difficult time finding a bird that has a complex set of moral values. Who would’ve thought?? I did almost use a praying mantis, just for a little variety. I’ve never met someone who wouldn’t rip off the head of their lover. BUT ANYWAYS. Here we have Brian the Shoebill Stork. He looks so nice. But he will not hesitate to decapitate your baby crocodile. Also very patient!! Like a dinosaur! This bird has the most complex set of moral values of any bird I could find in about thirty seconds. If Brian didn’t decapitate so many young crocodiles there would be much too many! Too many crocodiles! The horror! I’ve also seen a gif of Boring Brian delicately picking up a duckling and placing it back down. Dunno what happened after, though. Don’t ask. Apparently the shoebill stork makes “machine-gun noises” which I think Jonny would enjoy fucking around with. A place that I forgot to write down reportedly called the bird “Abu-Markhub” meaning “father of the slipper” which,,,, yeah.

Raphaella la Cognizi: Kea

Also known as the “clown of the alps”, the Kea resides in the mountains, as the only alpine parrot. Pretty cool. I want to be a clown. But like, a cool clown - not one that hides in a sewer and eats children… Anyways, I’m getting off topic. The kea is the smartest bird I could find. Raphaella is the science officer of the Aurora so it seemed fitting. Look at this photo. That’s science at work! Kea can use basic tools! And reportedly have the intelligence of a four-year-old child! That’s pretty smart! Also it has wings! Raph has wings! Apparently kea enjoy attacking sheep, dogs, horses, etc. and just generally fuck around with people. Imagine what this bird could do with opposable thumbs…

Marius von Raum: Victoria Crowned Pigeon

My criteria for Bird Marius was essentially a stupid looking bird with a ridiculously long name. I was originally going to go with the King of Saxony Bird of Paradise solely for the name (just look at it! It’s so dumb! Who the fuck is the king of saxony!) however it bored me. So! Here we have Doctor Baron Marius von Raum as the Victoria Crowned Pigeon (also sometimes referred to as the Blue Crowned Pigeon). Genuinely, this was my favourite bird as a child. I fucking love this funky little bastard. Apparently, it’s the largest pigeon species in the world and can grow to be the size of a turkey. A turkey! What the fuck! This bird thinks it’s all that. (I mean, it’s not wrong). It was named after Queen Victoria but like,,,,, Fuck The Monarchy. Also eats a lot of figs. The bird - not the queen. Or maybe the queen I dunno. Marius seems like the kind of person who hates figs but eats them anyways so he doesn’t feel inferior to the Fig Lord. How the fuck is this bird not extinct yet.

Ivy Alexandria: Common Raven

Ivy Alexandria, the Common Raven. Ravens are extremely smart! Like seriously - near where I live, there’s an animal shelter with a raven and you can hold a conversation with it. It’s amazing! They also have great memories and hold grudges - so don’t mess with them. Oh! They can also use hand gestures, which for birds is insanely cool! They are the literal “birdbrain”. Sometimes they collect little trinkets, which I think is really sweet. Now, I don’t believe ravens can read but like,,,,, I dunno. I read an article recently about ravens doing “weird things with ants”. Apparently they like to play with them. Ravens have been known to sit in an anthill and let ants crawl all over their feathers for no apparent reason. Now, while nothing has been canonically stated involving Ivy and ants, you can’t prove Ivy doesn’t go sit and hang out with a bunch of ants.

Nastya Rasputina: Andean Potoo

The Andean Potoo is the most mysterious breed of the seven or so potoo species; almost nothing is known other than their vague appearance and their stomach contents (large insects like beetles and grasshoppers, if you were interested). While we do know quite a bit about Nastya, I thought this bird fit her pretty well. In answer to the question “Are potoos friendly?” a website said: “The short answer is ‘no’. The slightly longer answer is ‘it depends’.” This sounds like Nastya and her lesbian spaceship girlfriend. Potoos are VERY good at camouflage; like Nastya in Aurora’s veins?? I dunno, might be a bit of a stretch. They are shy, secretive birds. Sounds fun. Potoos are also VERY good at catching insects and shit. This point might not be relevant, but whatever. Andean potoos might mate for life; scientists don’t know. Let’s say that they do. If Nastya were this bird, she could be eaten by a weasel. Weasels said fuck Nastya rights. Fuck weasels.

The Toy Soldier: Atlantic Puffin

OH MY GOD. I love the Toy Soldier. The Atlantic Puffin. I don’t have many reasons for this one other that IT’S ADORABLE. This is my favourite bird. Just look at it!!! Hnnnnnnn. Baby puffins are called pufflingssssss. Oh my god. Also look up the bird call of the atlantic puffin; it is the best thing ever. Puffins are very sociable birds and live in like giant flocks or something. They’re very neat birds and also waterproof! Like wood! They shed the outer layer of their beaks once a year! Like wood! They live in burrows! Like wood! They can hold a fuck ton of fish in their beaks! Like wood! They have a really fucking wierd tongue! Like wood!

BONUS: Dr. Carmilla: Lammergier (Bearded Vulture)

Do I know anything about Dr. Carmilla? Nope! I think she’s a vampire but like???? Anyways, just look at this bird. It’s pretty self-explanatory. The Lammergeier is one Badass Bird. It is one of the largest old-world vultures. I don’t know what that means. It can grow up to four feet tall, though! And has a wingspan between seven and nine feet. That’s a big fucking bird! They have no natural predators, much like a certain immortal vampire (maybe???). It eats primarily bone and bone marrow and has a nasty habit of carrying off lambs, calves, and dead children. Remind you of the Good Doctor and her Band? Probably not. I bet Jonny has eaten at least one dead child, though. The lammergeier can also live up to the ripe old age of 45 (old in bird years?). Supposedly a lammergeier killed the greek playwright Aeschelus by mistaking his large bald head for a rock and dropping a turtle on it. Sounds very Carmilla. BUT WAIT I HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO THE BEST PART. This bird dies it’s fur the colour of blood to look more intimidating! Supposedly this is a mark of status, as well. That’s one badass bird!!!

WELL THAT WAS AN ADVENTURE. A useless adventure, sure. Fuck you. I had fun.

[yarasun]

La Douleur Exquise; l.jn

Word Count: 3.8K

Summary: For you so loved him deeply, but all he needed from you was to satisfy his venereal desires. Lee Jeno was the painful yet ethereal lust, while Na Jaemin was your salvation. To love Lee Jeno was to endure in agony, but what could you do when his own best friend made you feel what true love is?

Author’s Note: This is my second one shot under the “Heir / Heiress AU”. Special credits to the Kdrama “The Inheritors” where I got the business school idea from and also credits to the owner of the photo used as the cover. I hope you guys check out Lee Donghyuck’s Illicit Desire, the first book of this series. Enjoy!

His fingers burned your skin as it roamed all over your body. Jeno has always been the needy type. The way he pulls you closer to his body, his hand gripping firmly on your waist while the other tugs on your hair, you decide that he needed you. He needed you to be there when he was scared. He needed you to be there and kiss his lips, whispering soothing words and telling him he is not weak. He needed you to tangle your arms around his neck and make him feel like he is worth everything. In summarization, he needed you to be there whenever he pleases, for you were simply his best friend, and it was your duty to satisfy his needs, for you, fell in love with Lee Jeno.

"Jeno." You whispered as Jeno buried his head on your neck, inhaling deeply. He hums in response and proceeds to trail kisses down your neck. You shivered at his antics and tried desperately to avoid falling deeper for this devil in front of you. Lee Jeno was the majestic yet dangerous creature that the gods sent to wreck your life. He was gorgeous, a holy embodiment of a deity, but cursed with the heart of Zeus; wretched and damaged. He didn't care who he'd hurt, or what his actions could case, as long as he felt good about himself. As long as he knew, you'd still be there for him in the end, he didn't care how much he'd hurt you. For you so loved Lee Jeno, that despite the pain he brings into your life you'd still welcome him back with open arms.

"We need to go. I still have classes." You said and Jeno sighed. "Can't you skip classes baby?" He asks and nibbles on your skin. "Unlike you, I need to study hard to succeed. I don't get what I want on silver platters." You say and pried Jeno's hands off your body. You were a third-tier student in the school, which meant you were simply given a scholarship by your father's company president, which happens to be Lee Jeno's father.

Lee Jeno's family owned one of the biggest real estate agencies in Korea. Just like his group of friends, he was also an heir to the company's position of CEO. Jeno's older sister was supposed to be the heiress to the position, but she left the country to pursue her own career, thus pushing the title towards Jeno. He seemed unbothered by the decision, but deep inside, he hates his sister for being selfish. For she never asked Jeno if he would be alright with the responsibilities, she simply fled away one day, and only spoke to their father about the decision. Therefore, Jeno had no choice, but to comply.

Meanwhile you, were nothing like Lee Jeno. Your father worked for Jeno's company, he serves food and washed the dishes in the kitchen and cafeteria. Which was the sole reason you ever got the chance to study in such a prestigious school like this. Mr. Lee, Jeno's father, was a generous and kind man, he was thankful for your father's hard work for the company, and decided to award him, by giving you a full scholarship. Thus, you've always been guilty for going behind his back and having a relationship with his son. But then again, would you really call it a relationship? No, it was more like an affair, for Jeno was already set off to be engaged with his girlfriend. She was an heir to a smaller real estate company, and according to Jeno, she could be the key to expanding their business further.

Now, these were a few points you disliked about the whole business school thing. People use others, like their partners, or even other family members, in order to expand their business, and gain more money. It was and always will be about the money. Having emotions, or an attraction to others, could either be a benefit for the company, or a threat to it. And this, was the reason as to why you and Jeno could never be. For you were a threat to the company.

Jeno cupped your face in his large hands and placed a soft kiss on your lips. It was unlike his normal kisses; rough and full of lust. This one felt genuine, loving as if everything was set on the right track. You blinked your hopeless thoughts away and pulled away from Jeno. You and Jeno could never. You were not meant for each other. He belonged with his friends, his girlfriend and his family reputation. You belonged with your father, ragged clothes and in a maid sized apartment. You were polar opposites, and Jeno would never settle for someone so imperfect and messed up. He would never settle for you.

"I got to go Jeno." You said and picked up your bag from the floor. Zipping up your turtle neck jacket, you tried desperately to cover up the new marks Jeno left on your skin. No one knows about your little sessions with Jeno except for his friends maybe. And as friends of Jeno, they've always kept it from others, especially from Seo Yun, Jeno's girlfriend. You heard Jeno sigh but you didn't want to deal with Professor Jung's lecture about time management, so you left him in there and ran to class.

Luckily, you arrived a few minutes before the professor arrived. Taking your seat beside Na Jaemin, one of Jeno's friend, he gives you a soft smile and continues scrolling through his phone. You adjusted your jacket and placed your head on the table, trying to get at least a minute of rest. "Did Jeno call you to meet up early morning again?" You heard Jaemin's deep voice and peeked your eyes to look at him. "What?" You asked and Jaemin placed his phone in his bag and crossed his arms over his chest, a smirk crept up his beautiful lips

Na Jaemin, just like his friends were agonizingly beautiful. They walk in the campus and everyone has their heads turned, staring in awe as their holy presence graced each and every one in the school. Girls squealed and dreamt for them to graze their fingers against their skins, while boys hoped to be as good looking and talented as the Dreamies. All of them were pulchritudinous, as if torn off from pages of fantasy novels. Especially Na Jaemin, out of their group, he received the most attention from girls due to his soft smile that serve as a panacea, deep voice and well-built figure. Aside this, Jaemin was a sweetheart, he loved to be touchy and clingy towards his friends and he was always seen messing around with Lee Jeno. Maybe that's the reason why you and Jaemin were also good friends. Jaemin knew about your social status and your tier in the school, but he's never judged you about it.

"The tier thing in school is useless, I don't see the point in making a big deal about it. I believe everyone can be successful despite their social status. Therefore, Y/N, study hard and prove my belief." As said by Na Jaemin when he saw you washing dishes with your father in the kitchen of Jeno's company. He offered to help despite your persuasion that you could handle it. Since then, the both of you have been good friends.

"Look princess, we both know Lee Jeno has you all wrapped around his finger. So, what time did he bother you again?" He asked, and you groaned. "4 am." You answered and rubbed your eyes. You weren't able to sleep well last night due to the number of reviewers you had to go through in order to catch up with the lessons in class, and Jeno calling to meet up with you at 4 am, surely didn't help. Jaemin frowned at your answer and rubbed your back soothingly. He's always been an angel. Unlike Lee Jeno, Jaemin could never hurt you. As much as you think you might be delusional, it's true, Na Jaemin didn't have the heart to hurt anyone. Sometimes, you even wished that it was him. That you fell for Na Jaemin instead. But no, you fancied the idea of being friends with Lee Jeno, of having him call you anytime he wanted to make himself feel less vulnerable. You liked the idea of getting hurt for Lee Jeno, consider yourself a masochist, but it was true. There was no denying that you've already kissed the devil's lips.

"As much as I'd love to indulge in the comfort of you rubbing my back. Please have mercy on me, I would not like to get involved in dramas with your admirers." You said and Jaemin laughed. His hand left your back, and only then were you able to breathe normally. Jaemin's group of admirers were crazy. If you got caught being friendly with them, or even talking with them, expect rumors and hate to slap your face the next day. Honestly, not only does this apply to Na Jaemin, but the whole group. They were well-known and if given the title, would probably be considered the rulers of the school. The Dreamies indeed were majestic. They possessed such charms that were out of this world. It's like they were designed by Van Gogh, and brought to life. Despite the name, they were not as dreamy as they seem to be. For loving them is a nightmare. And you'd willingly drown in that nightmare, just to feel Jeno's skin graze roughly against yours.

___

"You seem really tired." Park Jisung. He was the youngest out of the group. Jisung was remarkably talented. He was an amazing dancer, the best out of the best for his age. You've always enjoyed watching their dance performances during events hosted by the school. The way they moved in sync with the music and each other, how their bodies seem to fly beautifully across the stage, watching the Dreamies perform was always worth it. But if you were to be honest with yourself, it was mostly Lee Jeno that caught your attention. How his toned body seemed much visible because of the plain white shirt sticking to his body caused by his excessive sweating. The way he breathed heavily after every performance, it lured you to falling deeper than the depths of Tartarus.

"Thanks for pointing it out. I never noticed." You deadpanned and Jisung scrunches his nose in the most adorable way possible. "Why are you here anyways?" You asked as you popped a piece of sliced apple into your mouth. Your classes were done for the day and you decided to sit by the bench in front of the school's football field. "Jaemin, Renjun and Donghyuck are still in class and Chenle left early today for he had to work on some matters with his mother." Jisung says and he steals a sliced apple from your lunchbox and popping it into his mouth.

As expected, Na Jaemin, Huang Renjun and Lee Donghyuck were obviously still in class. Unlike the other members of their group, the three of them were high achievers. Other students would simply have 10-13 classes, but the 3 of them decided to add 2 or 3 extra classes into their schedule just for the purpose of getting more credits. "How about Jeno?" You asked. Jisung shrugged and pointed over towards the school's parking lot.

Your eyes landed on Jeno's Selenite Gray Mercedes Benz SLC Roadster. He was leaning on the hood of the car where Han Seo Yun was sitting on. From afar, you can clearly see Jeno's hands roam all over her body, desperately trying to pull her as close as possible. You bit your lip to avoid showing any signs of emotions, especially with Jisung beside you. Although Park Jisung knew about your little secret with his best friend, you didn't want to talk to him about it. Jisung was too innocent, and dragging him further into the problem would just cause burden for him. So, the best thing to do was to act as if you didn't care. "I'm sorry that you have to deal with Jeno." He says and pats your back reassuringly. All of the Dreamies seemed to be so sweet and kind, except for Lee Jeno. You smiled bitterly at Jisung and simply stood up.

As soon as you were about to leave, you bumped into a stiff figure. You tilted your head up slightly to meet face to face with Na Jaemin and his perfect smile. "Easy their princess. Where are you off to in such a rush?" He asked and you glanced swiftly at the couple by the Mercedes Benz. Jaemin's eyes trailed after yours and pursed his lips. Grabbing your hand, he drags you out of the field and towards the parking lot. You tried desperately to pull your hand back, and run away for you had no idea what Jaemin was planning. He could expose you and Jeno and that would be the end of everything.

"Hey, tell the others that I won't be able to hangout. I'll be with Y/N." Jaemin says as Jeno and Seo Yun turn their heads to face both of you. Jaemin's hands was gripping on your wrist and you swear, if looks could burn, your wrist would be ashes by now. "What?" Jeno asks, clearly confused with the whole situation. He stared at Jaemin with such power, you felt the tension in the air. But why? What's causing such suffocating aura in the air?

"Or rather, just cancel the plans for today. Donghyuck will be with his girlfriend today. Chenle left early. Renjun might not be out until 9 pm tonight, and Jisung might visit Mark at his apartment to run over a few errands. I can't be the one to third-wheel with you and Seo Yun now can I? So, I'll be with Y/N.  We can reschedule next week." He says and Jeno simply kept his mouth shut. It was palpable that Jeno was completely appalled by the scenario in front of him. You were his. He makes it clear every time he sunk his teeth into your soft skin, by was another man holding your hand? And that man so happened to be his very best friend.

"Shall we go princess?" Jaemin's voice soothed your mind as his hand comes up to rest on the small of your back. You nodded and Jaemin intertwined his fingers with yours, slowly tugging you to walk with him. Before you could take more than 2 steps, Jeno grabs your hand and grips on it firmly. You stared at Jeno, unable to properly comprehend your emotions as his hand burns your flesh. There was a quick change in his emotions, something that passed his eyes for a swift moment, before disappearing once more. Was it pain? Disappointment? Guilt?

Before he could say anything, you pulled your hand away and followed behind Jaemin. You didn't know and you would never know the emotions that took over Jeno after that, for you decided not to look back. You decided to show him, that he couldn't control you as much as he pleased. To show him, that you didn't love him as much as he thought you did. But of course, that was all just an act, a semblance. For you loved Lee Jeno too much to turn your back on him, except for this day.

___

"Are you alright princess?" Jaemin asked and you nodded. Strapping the seatbelt over your body, Jaemin puts the car on reverse, and drives his Nightfall Mica Lexus LC500 out of the school's drive way. He leans over slightly to grab your hand and place it on the gear, his hand covering yours. Na Jaemin has always been touchy and clingy, so you relaxed into the warmth that emitted from his hand and stared out the window, buildings passing by in a blur.

You sighed and the scenario with Jeno, Jaemin and Seo Yun replayed in your mind. Jaemin's hold on your hand was gentle, and comforting. Meanwhile, Jeno's grip on your wrist was rough and you could feel the anger radiate off his skin. As if his blood boiled at the sight of Jaemin's hands intertwined with yours. But why would he be mad? Aside the hungry kisses and violet marks that decorated your shoulders and neck, there was no ties between you and Jeno. You were his friend, the one that he calls over to make out with, in order for his vexation to subside. Your little relationship is known as a mere "Friends with Benefits".

Na Jaemin's finger rubbed soothing circles over your hand as he held it up to his face and kissed it softly. Jaemin was beautiful, comforting and he had this feeling of home. You wished it was him you fell in love with, not Lee Jeno. For Jaemin would make you feel what true love was, Jaemin could teach you how fascinating it is to love, and to be loved. You've always felt right when you were with Jaemin, he made you feel accepted, valued and he made you feel that despite your imperfections, you were worth loving. However, you don't want that feeling of satisfaction, you want thrill, pain and risks. In which, only Lee Jeno could make you feel that way. You'd gladly burn in flames with Jeno, for you loved the affliction that Lee Jeno brought into your life. You would suffer for Lee Jeno, for he was worth it.

"Why did you do that?" You asked and Jaemin hummed innocently. He continued grazing your hand softly and you leaned comfortably on his leather seat. "Not only will Jeno get mad at me, but there's a chance he might argue with you." You said and Jaemin nodded as he pulled into the parking lot of Heio's. "I needed to show Jeno that you weren't his, and he had no right to call you his. Nor does he have rights to call you at 4 am to satisfy his sexual desires. You're not a tool princess." He was right, but what could you do? You've already fallen for Lee Jeno and his agonizing love.

You got out the car and Jaemin intertwined his fingers with yours. Not giving it any thought, you walked with Jaemin into the café, your hands swinging in harmony. Picking the booth beside the window, you left Jaemin to place your orders as you pulled out a notebook and pen. Skimming through the notes, you listed a few extra points to remember for your upcoming tests.

"Actually, it goes this way." Jaemin's voice rung in your ears as he places the tray with food on the table. There was a large sized caramel milkshake and a medium iced latte macchiato. Jaemin and his addiction to coffee, you smiled at the thought of it. Beverage aside, Jaemin made sure to order your favorite strawberry cake and some cinnamon rolls. As soon as he took his seat, he leaned over to explain to you a few mistakes in the topics. Jaemin was actually really smart.

In their group, Lee Donghyuck was the smartest one. He was the highest scoring student of the whole school in the previous year. It was no shock as to why he held that position, despite Donghyuck's stentorian and frolicsome persona, he was an achiever. You would often see him in the library with Huang Renjun and Na Jaemin, or in Heio's with a pile of books in front of him. In fact, all of the Dreamies were exceptionally gifted, but it was the three of them that stood out most in terms of academics.

A smile crept up Na Jaemin's lips as he placed his pen back into his pouch, and closing his notebook. Your head weighed down on Jaemin's shoulder as he moved around slowly, trying his best to avoid waking you up. After decluttering the table, Jaemin tucked a strand of hair off behind your ear.

Your milky skin tone, puffed and blushed cheeks, your pouted pink lips that he wishes to brush his lips against, and your long black hair that he wished to tangle his fingers in. You were a goddess sent from above, Jaemin couldn't help but stare in awe. The way you walk as if you were confident and independent, but deep inside, your calloused fingers and bruised neck and shoulders from Lee Jeno's bite marks, breaks his heart. Na Jaemin hated the way Jeno treated you, as if you were some toy that he could mess with whenever he pleased, and throw away when he was bored, he despised it. Jeno was his best friend, but you were his first love, and as much as it hurts, Jaemin could never do anything to break you away from him, for he knew how much you were infatuated with Lee Jeno.

"Princess, I'll drive you home." He whispers and you stirred, your eyes slowly fluttering open. Jaemin's heart swelled at the view, you were gorgeous, too fragile for this wretched and damned world. He hated seeing you cover up in your hoodies and jackets due to those bruises left by his best friend. Besides that, he knew how broken Jeno was, but it was no excuse to use two people at once. He hooks up with you to feel better about himself, while he uses Seo Yun for business purposes and maintaining his name and reputation. He never truly understood the point of it, but who was he to judge?

As soon as Jaemin pulled up in the basement of your apartment, he runs over to your side and picks up your bag. He wraps a protective arm behind your waist and escorts you into your apartment. You were too tired to be able to walk properly to Jaemin, the gentleman that he was, insisted on accompanying you until you were inside your home safely. Knocking on the door, your dad opened the door and welcomed Jaemin with a wide smile. He bowed slightly and brought you over to the couch, setting your bag down and allowing you to sit comfortably.

"I have to head home princess. Good night and please, have plenty of rest." He says and kisses the top of your head. Turning to your father, he bows once more and gives him a big plastic with food in it, "Sir, please accept this. It's my little treat for you and Y/N, I hope you enjoy the food." He says and your father pats his shoulder, giving him a thanks before he walked out the cramped apartment.

"Father, feel free to finish that. I already ate with Jaemin. Enjoy it. I'll take a rest now." You said and kissed his cheek, picking up your bag and walking into your room. Grabbing your cracked phone from your bag, a message popped up on the screen. It was from Jeno.

"Do you honestly think I'll allow you and Jaemin to get closer with each other? Baby, you're mine. And Jaemin won't be able to do anything about it. If I were you, I would not let some false fantasies of a happily ever after with Jaemin distract you. It will never happen."

[pengiesama]

Home for the Holidays (Fic, TOZ, Sorey/Mikleo)

Title: Home for the Holidays Series: Tales of Zestiria Pairing: Sorey/Mikleo

Summary: It's Shepherdsmas Eve, and Sorey and Mikleo are preparing to host dinner at their place. Then Maotelus rips a hole in reality and accidentally resurrects their dead biological family as seraphim.

Meeting the in-laws for the first time is always awkward.

Part of the Sormik Advent Calendar 2019, for the “12 Days of Christmas"/"12 Pains of Christmas” prompt “Meeting the In-Laws”.

@sormikadventcalendar / sormikadvent (Twitter)

Link: AO3

Read on Tumblr!

“Hi,” Maotelus said, popping his head out of the chimney and into the fireplace.

Mikleo screamed, dropping the tray of sweets and hot chocolate he was carrying with a loud crash.

“Merry Shepherdsmas Eve,” Maotelus continued, undeterred. “Sorry to drop in unannounced, but got a quick question for you. I kinda did something that might’ve torn a rift in the Earthpulse and I need someone to keep an eye on a few things while I figure things out down there before it eats reality. And ruins Shepherdsmas.”

“Wh—wh—” Mikleo sputtered, trying to get a handle on the situation he was being presented.

“Mikleo? I heard a crash, are you okay?” Sorey poked his head into the room. “Mao? When did you get here?”

“Sorey!” Maotelus greeted warmly. The red pom-pom hat he was wearing had caught fire while he dangled upside-down over the fireplace. “Merry Shepherdsmas Eve. Listen, I need you two to babysit some new seraphim that popped out of a teensy tiny little fissure in the Earthpulse that I caused while I was trying to break someone out of Hell Prison.”

“Oh,” Sorey said. “Um. That sounds fine?”

Mikleo made a strangled quacking noise, like a furious, confused duck. Sorey gently reached out and hugged him around the shoulders, stroking his long hair back from his face.

“It’ll be fine, Mikleo, it’s just hosting some guests! That’s what Shepherdsmas is all about, right?”

“Shepherdsmas was originally observed as a religious holiday in the Asgard era and was intended by the human religious authorities as an extremely solemn and boring occasion to reflect upon the accomplishments and sacrifices of past Shepherds,” Mikleo said flatly. “And today it is mostly about buying presents.”

“Sounds like someone needs to learn about the true meaning of Shepherdsmas,” Maotelus commented.

Mikleo sounded like he was about to explode. “EVERY YEAR! EVERY YEAR YOU SAY THAT AND EVERY YEAR WE’RE CLEANING UP THE MESS FOR DAYS AFTER—”

The air shimmered with iridescent energy, and the earth rumbled ominously.

“Okay I gotta go now have fun with your guests and by the way they’re the seraphic reincarnations of your biological human families be back soon!”

Maotelus blew out the fire in the fireplace with a puff of breath, darted up the chimney, and stuffed a big red bag down after him. The red bag landed in the fireplace, and wriggled this way and that, as if stuffed full of living creatures.

…like the seraphic reincarnations of their former human families.

The bag tumbled over, and the tie at the top was finally yanked open from the inside.

There were two women; one, Muse, as Mikleo dimly remembered her from that tiny, lonely room in the Mabinogio Ruins so many centuries ago. Her hair had turned a shining pearl white, with green tips. The other woman, with white-red hair, was unfamiliar, but had Sorey’s wide green eyes, and a distinctive resemblance besides. Selene, he remembered her name, and her name alone. To his shame, he knew nothing else about the woman…but the way she clung to Muse’s arm, seeking comfort, was a start.

The other bag inhabitants were…

…not quite the kind of seraphim they had expected.

“Get that ratty tail of yours out of my face!” snapped a bluish-purple Normin.

He shoved another Normin away from him, who fell to the floor with a sound resembling a squeaky toy. This Normin had a small lion’s tail, and a mane that caused his beret to not fit quite right. The lionesque Normin flailed furiously, like an upended turtle.

“Another life! Another life and another chance to take my revenge on you and this miserable world!” snarled the lionesque Normin.

The bluish-purple Normin spotted a fireplace poker, and immediately went for it. Muse yelled in dismay and picked him up before he could grab it.

“Um…” Sorey cleared his throat. “Merry Shepherdsmas?”

Their guests startled, only seeming to just realize they were in someone else’s house, and being watched. Muse’s gaze fell on Sorey first, then Mikleo. Her eyes were clear, unclouded, focused; not like their sightless gaze from their last meeting. She stared at him; stared right into those eyes that matched her own.

It was a long moment before Mikleo could find the words to speak.

“Hello,” Mikleo said quietly. “I don’t know what Maotelus told you, if anything. But, you’re seraphim. This is a land called Glenwood. Do you remember anything from before he plucked you from the Earthpulse?”

“Mikleo?” Muse asked, her voice trembling. Tears welled in her eyes. “A-are you my Mikleo?”

It was odd, being hugged so tightly and loved so desperately by someone he didn’t know at all.

 --

 “Michael,” Lailah said sternly. “Stop fighting with your tablemates. It’s Shepherdsmas and we must put past squabbles behind us.”

“I am one of the Shepherds in that Shepherdsmas,” Michael replied. “And that means that I can squabble as I choose to.”

Everyone was trying very hard to enjoy their annual Shepherdsmas dinner. Michael and Heldalf – for it was indeed they who had reincarnated into Normin forms – were strapped into makeshift baby highchairs and were currently locked in a ceaseless battle of wills. This took the form of Michael throwing his vegetables at Heldalf and Heldalf making grand and impotent threats as he was steadily coated in mashed potatoes.

Mikleo didn’t know why this kind of thing always happened when it was his and Sorey’s turn to host dinner at their place.

“I shall bring darkness down upon this world! Malevolence to smother out suffering!” Heldalf yowled, thrashing in place in his highchair.

“I shall bring peas upon your head,” Edna replied, scattering a handful of peas on top of the mashed potatoes covering him. “Man, Meebo, your uncle is way cooler than you. This is the best Shepherdsmas ever.”

“Michael, please,” Muse pleaded. “Mikleo, he’s not usually – well, no, he is usually like this, but…”

“It’s fine,” Mikleo assured her.

And honestly, it was; Mikleo was used to the house being a mess after these dinners. And beyond that, he didn’t have strong feelings about his uncle, even knowing his…contributions to what happened during that time. It was just so long ago, and he didn’t remember him at all. Or anything, from back then. One of the perks of living such a long life was the ability to have all such things lost to the mists of time.

But unfortunately, it would take some time for these new recruits to adapt. Surely it would’ve been more merciful for Maotelus to keep their memories from back then locked away.

For all Mikleo’s awkwardness with his biological mother, it hardly compared to the palpable awkwardness between Sorey and Selene.

“…”

“…”

“…good chicken,” Selene commented, poking the meat on her plate.

“Yeah,” Sorey replied. “It’s, um. Really good.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…I put some spices on it.”

“A-ah. Yeah.”

“…”

“…”

Mikleo couldn’t really blame Selene for being disoriented. Surprise, you’re alive again, it’s a thousand years in the future, and that premature baby you thought was probably going to die right after you died is actually alive and well and also saved the world a while back and is now an immortal being of the elements. He could deal with her reaction to the information a lot more easily than he could Muse’s – Selene reacted to these things like Sorey did, after all; by going quiet and inward to process. Mikleo could handle that. He would give them space and hover on the sidelines to fret. But Muse was hovering, herself, and fretting a whole lot, and was still clearly eaten up by guilt and trying way too hard to make things okay when things weren’t un-okay in the first place and he’d just really like some space. Every time she tried to reach out and awkwardly touch his arm he’d flinch away from the unfamiliar contact and she was clearly taking that as some sort of sign that he hated her. Mikleo understood for the first time in his life why humans disliked family gatherings so much. He wanted to set a fire on the table, grab Sorey by the wrist, and escape off into the winter night.

“So…” Zaveid said, bravely steaming in to steer the conversation. “Wind and fire, huh? I got some know-how about that kinda magic, if you ladies need a teacher…”

The table went dead silent again. After a few moments, a handful of mashed potatoes hit Zaveid square in the nose.

“Who keeps giving him more potatoes!?” Muse outburst, somewhat hysterical.

“That’d be me,” Edna said, holding out the serving bowl of mashed potatoes to Michael so he could refill his plate with ammo.

“Everyone,” Lailah announced, rising to her feet. “On this day, this Shepherdsmas, we are here together as a family, to come together and celebrate togetherness…”

“Together and stuff,” Michael said under his breath. Edna snickered.

“MFF,” said Heldalf, under a mountain of muck.

“And so,” Lailah went on. “We should give thanks and reflect upon the meaning of the season…”

“Um,” Selene quietly interrupted. “I’ve been meaning to ask…Shepherdsmas. That’s a…thing now?”

“Oh, yes indeed,” Lailah said. “Please don’t hesitate to ask things, dear, I’m sure you have questions.”

Selene gave an awkward smile, and Mikleo felt his heart warm at how the expression so resembled Sorey.

“T-thanks. Back…back then, I guess, I thought it was just some thing the Shrinechurch made up to let them trot out a fake Shepherd and scam donations out of people…”

“Well,” Sorey began. “Historical sources indicate that was definitely the case for the holiday during several periods. But when resonance started to improve and humanity began to establish stronger ties with the seraphim again, it started to gradually change form, eventually becoming the gift-giving exchange it represents today…”

Sorey was in his element, infodumping on history, and when Sorey was comfortable, Mikleo was comfortable. Selene began to relax in turn – Sorey’s good moods were truly contagious – and with Selene and Mikleo soothed, Muse herself settled as well. Even Michael’s potato assault began to peter off in the face of Sorey’s continued lecture.

They could count another Shepherdsmas as saved.

 --

 Everyone else was asleep for the night, sequestered in guest rooms, and Mikleo and Sorey finally had some time to themselves.

Mikleo sighed deeply, allowing himself to decompress to the rhythm of Sorey’s heartbeat under his ear, and the feeling of his fingers in his hair.

“It’s always a surprise with Shepherdsmas, isn’t it?” Sorey said.

Mikleo grunted. “At least when your friend gets it in his head to mess around in the Earthpulse. Or get drunk. Or both.”

Sorey laughed, and Mikleo’s mood couldn’t stay sour for long at the sound of it.

“I guess. But the weather tonight is so cozy, and everyone’s asleep now, so…”

Mikleo could guess at what he was implying. He closed his eyes, leaning in, pressing against Sorey’s mouth with his own…

A flash of light filled the room, and in an instant, there was a cat-sized white dragon sitting in the branches of their Shepherdsmas tree; tangled in the lights.

“Okay, now that’s cleared up,” Maotelus said. “A little more help fell out of the rift in space-time. It’s a Shepherdsmas miracle.”

“Hello boys,” Zenrus said warmly. “Good to see you again.”

Sorey and Mikleo startled, and leapt from their spot on the couch to greet him.

“Gramps!”

“By the way, I’ll be doing this again sometime,” Maotelus said. “Hell Prison ain’t easy to jailbreak. I’ll try to grab your two squires next time though – they ran away from me when they saw me for some reason.”

“Were you a giant dragon at the time?” asked Sorey.

“I was a giant dragon at the time,” Maotelus confirmed. “And breathing fire.”

“Hmm,” Sorey said.

“Hmm indeed,” Maotelus said. “But it was still pretty rude, I think.”

[chickenscript]

A/N: nyeh. and so it begins. i'm doing this in a series 'cause i've seen a few other people do it like that and well, i wanna experiment with new formats. sorry it took so long btw. i’ll be buckling down on the prompts that were sent in- enjoy!

- ho boy is there a lot of sass to go around when you two are together.

- you complain about things to each other that you wouldn't with other people. especially if it's about those other people.

- he really doesn't get emotions all that well- they weren't programmed into him right, so he's great at the language of sarcasm and composed comments. you honestly can't tell when he's not serious sometimes.

- it's great when something unpredictable to him happens though, then you get to watch how his brain starts running around in that big noggin of his, trying to figure out what the hell was happening.

- cold, hard science was his anchor, with the exception of metaphysics, so when stuff like that teleporting mutant they found pops up, he's bewildered and thrown off but crikey is he excited. ten times as much as when mikey gets new paint.

- it's pretty funny to you, but don get laughs out of you any time.

- he makes hella good blunt jokes and they always get you going because you share that same kind of dry humor.

- he doesn't really like touch so much and it took you a while to adjust to the preference since you're kind of a touchy person. (hence why you go to the other brothers when you're in a cuddly mood)

- he does sometimes seek out a hug, or want to just lean over your shoulder while you're doing something and pull you closer until your backed up into his chest. he also likes to gently talk when he gets like that, voice all low and pebbly.

- a big shift from his crackly, puberty one. 

- he also corrects people a lot offhandedly. you got used to it though. just like you got used to how he gets very in the zone about stuff, and you notice when he does while you're talking and start saying weird shit to get him to focus again.

("And oh, by the way, turtle soup? I’m a big fan.”

"Mm hm- wait, what did you just say?" (well, maybe that’s more morbid than weird)

- when he isn't so impassive and really, genuinely smiles or laughs, you like to coo and prod at him.

- you make fun of each other, a lot actually. you're banter kings, and practically unstoppable when you fire pokes at his brothers. they are no match for you two.

- like mikey, you’re usually an extra hand during a project and he's taught you a ton in the realm of science and tech. it’s a good thing you soak up stuff like a sponge when it’s within your interest. 

- like how to hot wire a car or just be able to know your wires and never cross them incorrectly. it took a hefty amount of trial and electricity burns to figure out your way around machine guts. and a couple fires. but he's never kicked you to the curb and called you unteachable. 

- you're always welcome in his lab and to assist with experiments so long as he's taught you whatever it is you're trying to do thrice.

- it's great because you’re not as terrified of explosions - or maybe just shrapnel - as his brothers are, and you’re a good thinker so you make a great assistant (or co-mind. you’re still brainstorming better names)

- lots of hands/robo arm gestures. you actually get into the habit of doing them too and leo points it out with some light jabs about how you're starting to get stuck in that lab all day too.

- like April, you like to hitch a ride on him but not as much as Raph. then again, everybody feels the same about that to be honest.

- you tend to borrow his tools in case you have something you need to fix at home, but sometimes you over estimate yourself so you call your good ole handy man turtle and he either talks you through the repair, or jets over to help if it’s something you’re really unfamiliar with and unsure of. (you may or may not have nearly blown your fridge sky high)

- you guys are like grease monkeys when it comes to the turtle tank.

- don't get yourself started on the stealth cycles- you loves those puppies so much. (you’re a real motorhead and was always excited to drive something for the first time)

- don’s taught you a lot on the care of both the tank and cycles, but he won't let you drive a cycle without him on the back. and without you wearing an assortment of sports pads and a helmet he modified. (he’s actually designing smart armor for you if you ever get caught in a battle. april shot him down when he offered to make her some for no good reason in your opinion, like free smart armor bro. who’d say no to that?) 

- humans aren't as sturdy as turtles.

- you could say the same for him and his soft shell when the all the battle buff is off.

- you really do appreciate his ways of showing he cares though. it's sweet and quietly tactful.

- oh, you guys are huge sugar junkies. he eats sweets and drinks high in sugar or caffeine stuff all the time when he's binging work or skipping sleep. if you can't get him to bed, then you'll compromise by joining in on the sugar rush so you'll be able to get him to there when he crashes.

- which takes forever, mind you. you're usually the first one to zonk out on the pile of bean bags you helped him gather and nest in a corner of the lab.

- but he joins you at some point. the geometric edges of his battle shell jolts you awake and lets you see that.

- you honestly do a lot of the self care don doesn't do for himself. you remind him to eat often when he's got a project going- you bring him his favorite sandwich from subways, a tall coffee, or mikey's cooking (which is usually heavy udon whenever he knows don is at work so he can get hearty meals).

- you really just make sure he’s alive, and kind of healthy. (”Oi, stay hydrated.” you toss Donnie a bottle of water that one of his shell’s spidery arms catch instantly. He mumbles something like a thanks, still much too busy to watch you set yourself up on the beanbags with your laptop)

- he properly thanks you in subtle ways, like the odd gift.

- victim example being a custom made roomba. (his names connor btw, and you adore him and how much he helps keep the apartment clean since you and your uncle are horrible at upkeep. even when you get strings of messages about him being stuck in precarious situations that aren't even)

- sometimes don knows he can say things that sound too harsh and he can't always tell when they've gone that far, so he makes sure you're not upset about it later by surprisingly asking outright if it’s really bothering him.

- he really is a softie under some layers, or at least he doesn't want to be on anyone's bad side. then again, you're not sure he cares all that much about the latter.

- you still act like dicks to each other sometimes, not that you’ll ever really mean anything.

- and if you do say something with some bite to it, you know how to grow some balls and apologize. (you do a lot of that when you’re one of the reasons he cracks. sometimes he even needs some tlc if he’s really messed up over whatever made him blow a gasket)

- after all, don liked to think he was the mature one out of the group.

- so you let him keep thinking that.

- you have indeed asked about his eyebrows. he just never acknowledges you once you bring them up.

- and he’s as melodramatic as leo sometimes, and god it annoys you when you’re not in the mood. so does having to kiss up to him when he’s moody.

- you don’t try so much anymore, but you do get him his favorite snacks when you’re feeling merciful.

- well, actually, you’re really just a doormat for the people you love. you couldn’t stay mad at any one of the turtles for an hour on average, or less. long lasting grudges toward friends just weren't in your nature.

- you understanding don and being able to sit through his little rambles about his newest creation or a theory, or anything else in that regard makes him so very happy.

- he’s gotten a cut to the chase comment way to many times before and you are amazing for listening. (a true talent that is, being an ace listener.)

- to you, he's just really interesting to listen to. and he doesn’t mind when you ramble either. 

- but you do realize how odd it is that you know someone who’s motto is; the blast radius should be about here. but i’ve been wrong before, or, your other top favorite, it shouldn’t blow up. much.

- jeez, don is such a dweeb.

bonus:

"You're ambidextrous?"

Donnie blinks at you, "Yeah, what of it? All geniuses are."

You scoff and shake you're head, returning to your book, "You're getting more full of yourself by the day, nerd boy."

"Oh, why thank you for noticing~"

bonus bonus because the ideas won't stop:

- don wearing a leather jacket makes you feel questionable. like really tight in the throat questionable.

- so does the suave way he's wiggling his eyebrows when he catches you staring- nope. nevermind. your dork friend is back.

"Loser."

"Dick."

[cy-fi-theansweris42]

The Good, the Bad, and the IDK How To Feel About That of: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016) (Part 2)

(Continuing from where we left off)

Good: THE ENTIRE BIT WITH CASEY V. SPLINTER! How you see Raph and Mikey look at each other with mischief in their eyes before trying to look serious, how Leo laughs for just a moment before trying to be the serious leader again and trying to get them to stop, and then how they all just look on in amusement when Casey charges Splinter, it’s all wonderful! Plus with Splinter’s “giant rat one, new guy zero” YOU KNOW he heard them and played along. I love it all.

Bad: Casey only ever saw the truck from the front, so how would he recognize the Tartaruga Brothers logo?

Good: Just give me an entire movie of Donnie doing science stuff, it’s all I need in life.

Good: Leo’s head shake and smile when Donnie’s rambling about science stuff (I’m ignoring the initial eye roll)

Good: AUGH, HOW DONNIE INSTANTLY STOPS BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF BECOMING HUMAN, COMING UP WITH REASONS WHY WHAT LEO’S SAYING MAKES SENSE, IT HURTS MY HEART SO GOOD JOB MESSING WITH MY EMOTIONS

Good: Leo’s sword training is AWESOME (I’m jealous, high-key jealous)

IDK: You guys haven’t finished that Christmas album yet? It’s been a year, lol

Good: I really like how instead of just charging in, yelling about how Leo didn’t tell them about the ooze, Raph leads up to it, talking about honor which he knows is important to all of them.

Good: THE LOOK ON RAPH’S FACE, LOOKING AT LEO LIKE “Did you really think we wouldn’t find out”

Good: YOU CAN SEE THE EXACT MOMENT LEO REALIZED WHAT RAPH IS TALKING ABOUT AND IT JUST SCREAMS “oh shit” THIS BOY KNOWS HE DONE MESSED UP

Bad: You tell people about this stuff Leo

Bad: You did not consult with Donnie, you told him what to do

Bad: “There’s only one vote that counts in this family, mine.” LEO NO

Good: Donnie nerding out about the museum, same

Good: Donnie rambling on about science, his mind whirling at a mile a minute while he figures out what’s going on, freaking heck they did so well with Donnie in this movie

Good: Knowing that portals work both ways (it’s like Hawkeye from Avengers all over again)

Good: April knowing something is up with Raph and Mikey doing stuff without Leo and Donnie, but rolling with it

** “Who you calling chicken, turtle?” Oooooh, sick comeback Jones (not)

Good: I feel like all the comments about Casey not being buff or anything is them joking about Amell’s role in Arrow, because at this point the shows been going on for like…4 years, and he’s freaking jacked in that show, plus I’ve seen this guy run through an American Ninja Warrior obstacle course like it’s nothing. If this is them making jabs at that, then that’s hilarious.

Good: I love Raph and Mikey trying to get through police headquarters by themselves, like A for effort you guys, you’re doing so well.

Good: ‘Heroes in a half-shell’ jingle again and Donnie sounding happy that Mikey’s calling him and then instantly going into big brother mode and telling Mikey that they’re on their way.

IDK: THEY’RE NOT MONSTERS AND I KNOW THIS IS JUST HAMMERING HOME THE WHOLE ‘they wouldn’t be accepted’ THING WHICH IS WHY I’M NOT MARKING THIS AS BAD BUT HOLY FREAKING HECK AM I PISSED AT THAT COP!!!

Good: Mikey’s soft “we’re not monsters” SOMEONE GIVE THIS RAY OF SUNSHINE A HUG, HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS

IDK: I really don’t know how to feel about Leo’s reaction to Mikey feeling hurt by what the cop said. I really don’t.

Good: Mikey sounding genuinely happy for Bebop and Rocksteady “achieving the power of flight”, lol, pure bean.

IDK: Is Raph only afraid of jumping because of the lack of things to grab on to or something, he jumps around New York and off of buildings no problem.

Good: DONNIE JUST CASUALLY WALKING OUT OF THE PLANE

Good: All of their reactions to Donnie just jumping, lol

Good: “Prepare for the ouch!” AND THEN THEY ACTUALLY SAY OUCH WHEN THEY HIT THE PLANE, LOL XD

Good: Mikey’s reaction to seeing a giant warthog and rhinoceros that he knows they’re going to have to fight is just the single “HEH” awkward laugh, I love it

Good: Donnie just holding onto the part of the Arc Capacitor and telling everyone who’s fighting around him to watch it, lol

Good: IF YOU LOOK IN THE BACKGROUND AFTER ROCKSTEADY FIRES THE TANK, YOU CAN SEE LEO JUST GIVING HIM THIS LOOK AND THEN HE JUST RAISES HIS ARMS LIKE “are you serious right now”

Good: Donnie’s “I’m doing awesome”, yeets the control stick away, lol

**Bebop, don’t tell me you’re thinking you can outswim a turtle, please

Bad: I hate how much wire was used to run the camera feed to the box, it’s so inefficient and an absolute waste of wire.

Good: Once again ‘heroes in a half-shell’ jingle being used because the job was successful, I love how much Donnie uses this little ring tone for things.

Good: I hate conflict but it’s very well done right here and I just want them to stop fighting, so bravo making me feel emotions again.

Good: Donnie instantly jumping to Mikey’s defense with a “how could you!”

Good: The Chief just says “well-played” in response to Casey having picked her pocket to steal her phone, big mood

IDK: I want to know how Donnie hacked the Technodrome, like is it just one giant Wi-Fi hotspot, how did he even connect to it?

IDK: How does he know the atmosphere is toxic, just give me a little explanation, please

**I want to know how that ooze works, full injection causes full permanent mutation, drops of slightly re-engineered version causes very temporary changes lasting only a few seconds, and apparently one sip changes external appearance but not internal systems. Does it have to physically enter the body via injection or ingestion in order to make permanent changes? (assuming it would permanently change their appearance, that could also be temporary, but if it was then wouldn’t Donnie say that?) Why would it start externally and work inwards when it would first make contact with internal systems? (so many questions, I just want to know how it works, I love science stuff)

IDK: And Raph just made the decision for everyone without asking…just like Leo did

Bad: PUT DOWN THOSE GUNS I SWEAR

Bad: EVEN AFTER SHE SAYS TO HOLD THEIR FIRE THERE’S STILL COPS POINTING THEIR GUNS, STOP IT

Good: I LOVE THEIR LITTLE TEAM UP THING ACKNOWLEDING EACH OF THEIR DIFFERENCES!

**A footnote in the history of the Foot clan, ba-dum tss

Good: “When something bad happens, you want to be with the turtles!” Lol, Vern’s got it figured out

Bad: Why is Shredder surprised about being betrayed by Krang when he just betrayed Stockman?

Good: I’m pretty sure in the area where Krang puts Shredder, you can see a Triceraton and I love the reference.

Good: I love Casey’s “well do you wanna switch?”, he sounds so done

Good: “chewed up piece of gum with a face” is the best description of Krang that I’ve ever heard

Bad: The way Vern jumps down on that Foot ninja, like come on, the dude saw him and still didn’t do anything!

Good: “He is literally re-arming” Lol, very true

Good: Excellent use of momentum when Leo nearly gets thrown off the Technodrome and just swings back around, I love it

Good: When Donnie finds the beacon, just slowly realizing that it’s way out of reach, lol

**I’m so sorry, more science rambling: Would removing the beacon from its spot instantly start messing with the construction of the Technodrome, like are each of the pieces set to assemble in a certain order at certain distances from the beacon, meaning that once assembly has begun and the beacon gets moved, the pieces would suddenly try to readjust? Or is it a more general signal and the pieces know where they’re supposed to connect with room for error, which is why the signal needs to be outside the Technodrome in order for assembly to stop? (I just want to know how it works 😭)

Good: I LOVE how instantly they’re all each going after Krang the moment he has Mikey, saying how nobody messes with Mikey, and I swear, there’s a little bit of extra sass with how they move their weapons after taking Krang down, like a “that’s what you freaking get”. Like, at the end of the day, they’re protective of their baby brother and heaven help anyone that tries to hurt him.

Good: THEY GET KEYS TO THE CITY

Bad: “I think you should give people more credit, they’ll accept you now.” SAYS THE PERSON THAT WAS INITIALLY CALLING THEM MONSTERS WHILE HER OFFICERS POINTED GUNS AT THEM. “You could live a normal life, like the rest of us.” YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE ARE, STOP GIVING THEM FALSE HOPE!  

Alright, that’s the entire movie. Honestly, I love it a lot more than the first, there’s so much good stuff in this movie, you can see how they’re teenagers, so much more Donnie (after a severe lack in the first one…I’m also very biased since he’s my favorite, lol), and the sibling relationships between the turtles is great. Time for a tally.

Good: 69.90% (72 goods) Bad: 20.39% (21 bads) IDK: 9.71% (10 IDKs)

(I hear there’s plans for another one…I can’t wait to see how that turns out, lol)

[homesweetsewer]

Harmless (Donatello x Fem Reader)

This one kind of got away from me...I may add to it later, I haven’t decided yet:)

Part 2 is HERE

Part 3 is HERE

Anger welled up inside of you once again as you watched April cozy up to Casey, linking her fingers through his as the three of you traversed the sewer tunnels in route to the turtles’ lair hidden deep beneath the streets of New York. You trudged along behind the giggling pair, boxes of pizza held firmly in your grip as you bit your tongue to keep from snapping at the other woman...and Casey, too, for that matter. It hurt to watch. The pain wasn’t for yourself, though. You hurt for Donatello.

The sweet, smart, bespectacled turtle was head over shell in love with April O’Neill. You knew this because, if the smitten way Donnie acted when she was around wasn’t enough of a clue, he’d come straight out and confided his attraction to the other woman to you...and that did hurt you as you were pretty damn sure that you were completely and irrevocably in love with him. Not that he’d ever notice, not with April filling his every waking thought. It was a difficult revelation for you to come to terms with and you had your bad days, certainly, when Donnie would mention how beautiful April looked or how wonderful she smelled and all you’d want to do was find some dark corner and cry your eyes out. But, you didn’t.

You’d decided to be the bigger person and an even better friend. All you wanted was for Donatello to be happy and, as much as it pained you, if April was able to do that for him you wouldn’t stand in the way. In your eyes, his well-being and happiness took precedence over your breaking heart. And so you’d patiently listen as he sung her praises, give advice when asked, and steadfastly encourage him whenever he was feeling down. All the while you’d feel as though someone was twisting a knife in your heart but you’d never let on. Getting to spend time with him and see his smile, though, made it all worth while...almost.

It hadn’t escaped your notice that April seemed almost blissfully unaware of the turtle’s major crush on her. Or, you mused, maybe she did know. Regardless of what she did or did not know, she’d flirt with him, seeming to delight in the way he’d become a stuttering, fumbling mess in her presence. At first, you resented it...he never blushed or stumbled over his words when you were around. He seemed to have zero qualms where interactions with you were concerned and conversation always seemed to flow easily between the two of you like water from a tap. Eventually, you’d resigned yourself to the idea that the the purple-masked ninja would never see you in a romantic light. You hid your disappointment well but was happy for Donnie that his affection seemed to be returned. If anyone deserved a bit of happiness it was the turtles...and in your eyes, at least, especially Donatello.

Then, purely by chance, you’d stumbled upon April and Casey Jones in a diner near your apartment and you honestly weren’t sure how you managed not to lose your mind. The two were tangled together in a booth in the very back of the small restaurant, engaged in a heavy make out session as they awaited the arrival of their order. The feeling of betrayal and righteous indignation that came over you was enough to have you seeing red and the only thought in your head being how glad you were a certain turtle wasn’t with you to witness the scene playing out before you. The strangled gasp that left your throat must have done a fine job of conveying that fact as the pair sprang apart to stare up at you wide-eyed.

Casey grinned up at you, obviously pleased with how things had been going before your arrival, “Oh, hey!”

“H-hi,” April had stuttered, her face flushed and her lipstick slightly smeared. “What, uh, what are you doing here?”

Instead of answering you looked back and forth between the two of them, asking a question of your own, “Are you two, like, a thing now?”

Casey, oblivious as usual, nodded enthusiastically, “Totally a thing.”

“Yeah,” April tentatively confirmed. “For about a month now...”

“A month?!” Your eyes widened as your thoughts spiraled, concern for the lovesick turtle first and foremost on your mind. “What? How?”

The woman shrugged, “It just sort of happened.”

Thankfully, at that moment, the man at the counter called out their order number and Casey rose from the booth to retrieve their tray. “Back in a sec, babe,” he crooned, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek before heading off across the diner.

“What the hell are you doing,” you hissed angrily, catching the other woman off guard once Casey was out of earshot.

April sputtered in shock, “Wh-what are you talking about?”

Your gaze hardened, “What are you doing dating Casey and still stringing Donnie along?”

“I’m not stringing anyone along,” April shook her head, a slight smirk playing on her lips. “It’s not a big deal...just some harmless flirting.”

“Harmless?” You frowned, your hands balling into fists at your sides. “Maybe it is for you. What about Donnie? That man worships the ground you walk on and you don’t even care.”

April looked offended, “What? I care,” she insisted. “He’s my friend. Besides, I’ve known the turtles a lot longer than you have.”

“Oh,” you snorted. “You’re gonna play that game? So...what? You’ve known him longer so you care about him more? Could’ve fooled me.”

“That’s not what I meant,” April shook her head. “I can’t help it. It’s just that...Donnie’s really sweet, you know?”

“Yeah,” you suddenly felt sick to your stomach. “I know.”

“Oh...” A look of realization seemed to come over April’s features and she opened her mouth as if to say more but Casey’s sudden return with their tray of food had her mouth snapping shut again.

“Oh? That’s all you have to say?” You wanted to demand a better explanation on Donatello’s behalf but were cut off by the sound of your carry out order number being called. Afraid you’d say something you’d later regret, you’d simply turned on your heel, grabbed your food from the counter, and quickly exited the establishment with your head pounding and your stomach churning leaving April looking flustered and Casey looking utterly confused.

How could she? How could anyone do something like that to someone as amazing and wonderful as Donatello? True, it wasn’t like he and April had ever been an item. Quite the opposite, in fact. April would have had to be completely blind not to see how the turtle fawned over her, though. Honestly, it seemed to you that she enjoyed the attention, stringing him along with a coy smile here and a batted eye there...giving him false hope that he actually stood a chance with her. And yet, you seethed, she hadn’t even considered him or his feelings before shoving her tongue down Casey Jones’ throat. She may as well rip Donnie’s heart out with her bare hands and stomp on it. Actually, that would have probably been kinder.

Later that evening you’d sat alone in your room, cellphone in hand, staring at Donnie’s name in your contact list. You felt strongly that he deserved to know what you’d seen. You also knew that it would absolutely break his heart to know that April and Casey were together. Donatello made no secret of his dislike for Jones and the way he pulled away April’s attention. Having the two of them together in the same room always created a weird tension as the two vied for the woman’s time. In your mind’s eye you could already envision the tears that would well up in his beautiful brown eyes as you delivered the news. How his lip would quiver. The strangled sob that would escape his throat.

No. You shook your head. You couldn’t do that to him. As much as you disliked April right now for leading the turtle on, you couldn’t be the one to break his heart by spilling her secret. Tossing your phone aside, you grabbed one of the many pillows adorning your bed and, taking a deep breath, pressed it to your face as you muffled your screams of frustration. Eventually, you’d drifted into a fitful sleep as the day’s events caught up with you.

It was the buzzing of your cell that finally roused you. Rubbing sleep out of your eyes, you groped for your wayward phone and couldn’t help the smile that curved the corners of your mouth at seeing you’d received a text from Donnie. Swiping the message open, your smile widened into a full blown grin.

‘Hey! Any plans for tonight?’

You bit your lip as you quickly tapped out a reply. ‘Hiya! No, not really...’ You held your breath as you waited for the terrapin to reply. You didn’t have to wait long.

‘Come over!’ The almost immediate reply came. ‘Downloaded the original Star Wars trilogy, Mikey’s making popcorn, and April’s bringing pizza!’

Immediately, your smile fell. The pleasant feeling of butterflies you experienced every time you spoke with Donatello suddenly felt more like a lead brick in your stomach. How could you possibly look him in his handsome face knowing the one person he cared about most in the world was essentially lying to him. You couldn’t. You couldn’t sit there and watch him try so hard to show April how he felt about her and watch her flirt back all while knowing she was with Casey. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right.

‘You still there?’

The ping of your phone brought you back to the present and you realized you’d spaced out while considering your options. Taking a deep breath, you slowly texted back, ‘Yeah...still here...’

‘So...? What do you say? Pizza and a movie?’

You shook your head. You just couldn’t. ‘No can do, Donnie...’ As an afterthought you added, ‘Tonight’s not a good night.’

A moment ticked by, then two before your phone pinged again.

‘Is everything ok? Do you need me to come over?’

You felt your smile return, albeit halfheartedly. That was your Donatello, always so concerned. ‘Nah, I’m fine,’ you lied. ‘Just been a long day...thought I’d turn in early.’

‘Oh...’

You could almost hear the disappointment in his reply and quickly tapped out, ‘Raincheck?’

‘Yeah...Absolutely :)’

You sighed, ‘G’night, Donnie...have fun.’

‘Goodnight,’ came the turtle’s instantaneous reply. ‘Sleep well.’

With a groan of frustration you fell back onto your pillows. “Yeah,” you whispered to yourself. “Sleep well, my ass...”

That had been over a week ago. Since then you’d carefully dodged every invitation to stop by the lair using family and school obligations as an excuse. It was the longest you’d gone without seeing the guys since you’d met them and though it pained you to blow them off (being giant mutant turtles, they didn’t have many friends and you knew they all looked forward to your visits) you knew you wouldn’t be able to look Donatello in the face and pretend things were okay...especially when you knew the chances of April and Casey also being present were high. You were starting to draw the turtles’ concern, however, and you knew you couldn’t avoid them forever.

Which brought you to your current predicament. You’d reluctantly agreed to a movie night when Michelangelo had shown up outside your window the night before with his adorable pout and big, blue puppy dog eyes. You couldn’t resist the combination and he very well knew it and used it to his advantage. Damn him.

As you wound your way through the sewer, April and Casey seemed to be oblivious to your foul mood or else just didn’t care. You guessed the former as they seemed too busy discussing their date plans for the following evening to really pay any attention to the scorching glare you kept sending their way. Your knuckles turned white and the cardboard pizza boxes bent under the strain of your grip as you neared the lair, the knot in your stomach drawing tight as you heard the familiar sounds of the television and playful bickering up ahead. As if on cue, the lovebirds broke part, April taking point.

“Hello,” the woman called out cheerfully.

“April!” Donnie, of course, rose from where he’d been fiddling with the television to greet her. His cheeks flushing at her close proximity. “I was, uh...just, uh, switching out the HDMI cables.”

April giggled, “So, we’re good to go?”

“Ah,” Donatello nodded nervously. “Yes...Guardians of the Galaxy in high definition as it was meant to be.” Not without some difficulty, he managed to pull his eyes away from the beaming woman before him and, completely ignoring Casey, take note of your presence. The dreamy look in his eyes cleared as he looked at you and a happy smile touched his lips, “You made it!”

“Yeah,” you replied flatly. “Here I am...”

Donnie’s smile fell slightly at your tone and you immediately felt even worse. You didn’t have long to berate yourself over it, however, as April placed soft fingertips on the purple ninja’s arm, once again drawing his full attention.

She asked, looking up from beneath her eyelashes at him, “Where are the rest of the guys?”

“They’re, uh,” Donnie stammered, once again under April’s spell. “They’re finishing up in the dojo.”

April nodded, “I’ll go let them know we’re here.” Then, tilting her head quizzically, she looked up at the very tall terrapin and asked, “Are those new glasses?”

“These?” Donnie blushed, absentmindedly pushing the pair of tortoise shell frames further up on his snout. “N-no...I’ve had the frames. J-just got around to making the lenses...”

April nodded in approval and smiled, giving his arm a gentle squeeze, “Well, you look very handsome in them.”

Donatello practically lit up like a Christmas tree at the comment, beaming after the woman as she sashayed her way toward the dojo to collect the others. Once she was out of sight, he turned to you, the excitement clearly written on his face.

You felt your heart break just a little more.

“She said I was handsome,” he gushed.

“Yeah,” you nodded stiffly. “I heard.”

Donatello’s enthusiasm dimmed at your lackluster response. His smile faded to be replaced by a look of concern. He stepped toward you, his worry evident as he asked, “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” you forced a smile. “Just fine.”

He studied you, that brilliant brain of his seeing right through your lie. “You don’t look fine.”

You needed to leave before you broke down and started to cry. “I just remembered something I need to take care of.” It was a flimsy excuse but you ran with it. “Sorry, Don-Don.” You shoved the pizzas you still held  into his arms. “I can’t stay.”

His eyes widened in disbelief behind his glasses, “You’re leaving? But,” he protested, “you just got here and we haven’t hung out in forever!”

“I know,” you shrugged as you began to back away. “But I’m sure you’ll have plenty of fun without me.”

“It’s not the same,” he murmured.

“I really am sorry,” you apologized again. “Another night, okay?”

You didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, you turned and began to power walk your way back in the direction you’d come from leaving a very confused and concerned Donatello in your wake. The look of utter adoration on his face when April had called him handsome played over and over in your head mashed together with your memory of April and Casey kissing in the diner booth and you weren’t sure if you wanted to scream in rage or bawl your eyes out. It wasn’t fair. You loved Donatello with all your heart, Donatello thought April hung the moon, and April wanted Casey Jones.

If he only knew.

But you wouldn’t tell him. You couldn’t. It wasn’t your place and you refused to be the one to break his heart.

To be continued...

[heirs-of-prythian]

5 Times Echo Wanted A Big Brother... Part 5

Here is part 5.

____________

“And the reading lesson starts now!” Art announces into Aura's bedroom to three small girls playing with their dolls. But not in a “house” way, more of a “three warrior princesses saving themselves and the world while taking over kingdoms and defeating monsters and demons” way.

Certainly they appear to be in a battle between them and a army of demons, if their shouts are anything to go by.

“NO!” Ari lets out horrified scream. “Reading is boring!” Art lets out a shocked and betrayed sound, pretending to faint into Cadan behind him. Cadan rolls his eyes and steps aside so Art just falls to the ground.

“My own sister! My own beloved little sister is saying such horrible words! My heart! My sanity! Cadan, Hemera, please tell I just misheard her, because my own flesh and blood could never say something so horrifyingly wrong!”

Cad and Hemy just roll their eyes, used to Art's dramatics. Art who still lays on the floor, face buried in his hands as he makes noises of despair and crying. Aura and Echo just giggle at the sight of their older cousin, and are already cleaning up their mess. Ari on the other hand stands with red cheeks, hands fisted into her shirt as she glares at her older brother. She also seems to be shaking in anger. But then she stomps over to him and kicks his leg.

“Artemas! Stop it!” She shouts at him, kicking him again. But before she could kick him and shout at him again, both suddenly vanish into wind and nothingness. Then Echo could hear from the living room of Aunt Elain's and Uncle Lucien's house, a scream-laughing Ari, who was most probably being tickled into taking back her words by Art.

Being done with cleaning up Aura's room as moderately as possible. Aura's room is always on some level messy. Aura skips out if her room, Echo hot on her heels, they are actually excited for the reading lessons, unlike Ari, who has no patience for them and generally finds them boring.

As they walk into the living room they come into the view of a upside down hanging and heaving  Ari, hold by one feet by Art. Ari apparently has already apologized and isn't tickled anymore.

“We should start immediately, so you three can go back to playing.” Cadan tells them, while sitting down at the table, sorting the books on it. They already know the alphabet, but they still need to learn how to read correctly. Artemas agreeing with his best friend, has put down Arianna opposite of Cad, slouching down beside her. Hemera and Aurelia have seated themselves between Art and Cad. Echo makes a beeline to Cad and sits down beside him.

“What book do you want to read, Little Wonder?” Cadab asks her as he pushes the books to her.

She always gets to choose first on what she wants to read. And she is actually the only one of the three that has this privilege. Ari doesn't care about reading, so she lets her brother choose and Aura just closes her eyes and reads the first thing she puts her hands on.

Echo looks over the books, all with colorful covers with animals, knights, faes, princesses, witches, children and dragons on them. All easy and thin books for younglings her age. Some are only a handful pages long. But which book sounds the most interesting? Than a green book with what she can identify as a rabbit and a turtle.

“This one!” Echo tells Cad and picks the book up.

“Ah, The Tortoise and the Hare. It's a great choice, Echo!” Cad nods, pushing the books to Aura. Who closes her eyes, hums and waves her hand over the books. Than she stops and the hand lands on a yellow book depicting what Echo would describe as a bean, a straw and a coal with a arms and a face on them.

“You always pick the weirdest stories, Sunshine.” Hemy tells her, picking up the book and pushing the rest to Art. “What's it called?” Aura giggles at the book, curiosity gleaming in her eyes.

“The Straw, the Coal and the Bean.”

“Really? That a funny title of a fairy tale.” Aura giggles. “I couldn't agree more, Aura.”

“Now that Aura choose her as usual weird book, Ari, do you want to choose or should I?” Art looks at his sister, who lays face down half on the table, arms outstretched, palms hitting the surface of the table in a uncoordinated beat. Ari lets out a muffled “you”. Art just shrugs. “Whatever you say, Little Night.”

Sitting up, Art looks over the books. Picks one. Echo could only see the back of the blue book. It was a little thicker than her’s and Aura's.

“The Emperor's New Clothes. How does that sound?” He asks turning to the now sitting up properly Ari. “Boring” she tells him honestly.

Art rolls his eyes and pushes the rest of the books into the middle of the table.

“So let's get started!” Cadan tells the little Illyrian next to him, opening the book in front of her. “Should I read you the sentence first and than you repeat it or do you want to try to read it own your own first?” Echo thinks about it. The former option she had done already, often enough in her opinion. She also really wants to try for herself first.

“I try on my own first!”

“Good,” Cadan ruffles her hair and scoots closer to her, “then let's begin, Little Wonder!”

“The Hare was on-once b-bo-boa-” Echo begins and Cadan corrects her softly.

“Not Boa, Boo.”

“boas-boast-boasting of his s-sp-spee-speed be-bef-before the o-oth-othe-other a-an-ani-anim-anima-animal-animals.”

“That was great, Little Wonder!” Cadan praises her and smiles down at her. But than he points at the sentence. “But now again, but more fluidly.”

“Okay! The Hare was once boasting of his speed before the other animals.” Echo was careful and concentrated on every word, to pronounce it correctly.

“Perfect!” Cadan beams at her, looking so proud. Echo beams right back, pride filling her chest. “But can you tell me in your own words what is happening in this sentence, Echo?”

She nods. “The bunny is really fast and now he is bragging about it to others. Like Art does sometimes with his magic!”

“I don't brag, Echo! I'm stating facts. Absolutely true facts.” Art says loudly from across from them. Echo wipes her head to him and tilts her head.

“But Cadan always says you brag!”

“Well then Cadan is stretching the truth!” Art claims, “I never brag!”

“You do brag, a lot!” Hemy and Cad say at the same time. Art glares and pouts at them. Ari is laughing beside him, hiding behind the book she is holding. Aura has her hands pressed against her mouth, to quell her giggling at her older cousin, who now looks like spoiled and childish prince who didn't get his second cake. Echo shares a giggle with Cadan.

After a few minutes the situation in the living room has finally calmed down, after Artemas optioned to just ignore them and to just torture his little sister with reading.

Echo started her new sentence. “'I ha-have n-ne-nev-neve-never y-”

“It's yet, not i-et”

“Yet be-been”

“Pronounce the “ee” a little shorter like “been””

“Been like that?”

“Yes exactly like that!”

“Been be-bea”

“Bee, not be-ah”

“Bea-beat-beate-beaten,’ s-sa-sai-said he, 'wh-whe-when I p-pu-put f-fo-for-fort-forth - what does that mean? Forth?”

“Something like forward.”

“Forward… okay thanks!”

“You're welcome.”

“Now where was I … ah there forth my f-fu-full speed.”

“Now again.”

"’I have never yet been beaten,’ said he, ‘when I put forth my full speed.’”

“Perfect! You're getting pretty good at it. Now tell me what does it say.” Cadan smiles at her she thinks, drumming his fingers against the table.

“No one had been faster than him!”

“Yes basically! That's what he is saying!”

“Then why is saying it so complicated?”

“Because he likes to make himself sound more important and better than anyone else, probably.”

“Sounds like Ari!”

“Hey!” Comes a shout from the other side. “Concentrate on your own text, Ari!” Art scowls Ari. “Sorry Ari!” Echo shouts back.

“You don't need to shout, you sit opposite each other.” Aura tells them with a giggle. But then tilts her head and her eyes brighten. “Or maybe we only shout from now on?”

“No!” Art, Cad and Hemy say almost instantly and simultaneously. Aura giggles again and looks back down on her book. Echo smiles at her and than gives Ari a apologetic smile, who just waves it off and smiles back. Than her eyes focus on her book.

“So where was I? There! I c-ch-”

“Like sh, not like the ch in your name.”

“Cha-chall-challe-challen-challeng-’

“The g is pronounced like a j here, Challenge”

“Challenge a-an-any-anyone here to r-ra-race with me.”

“Again” "‘I challenge anyone here to race with me.’”

“Perfect! Absolutely perfect, Little Wonder!” Echo's chest puffs up in pride, feeling absolutely amazing and mighty. “Now tell me, what does he say?” Echo didn't need to think about it. “He wants to race against other animals to show them how fast he is and to win against them. Like you and Hemy and Art do sometimes to with each other, so you can brag about your winnings.” Cadan lets out a laugh.

“Fantastic Echo, but you should turn down the comparisons a little. We don't want you to accidentally insult someone, do we?”

“But comparisons are easier and funnier.” Echo pouts. Eyes gleaming at Cadan, who rubs his mouth with one hand, hiding his smile. His blue-grey eyes gleaming in amused, meeting hers.

“Fine, only if you think they fit, and not every sentence, or else.” Cad says strictly. Echo knows he isn't serious, because his eyes are lit up and a smiles is tugging on his lips.

“I can accept that.” Echo says back after a while of thinking, acting like she made great sacrifice. Cadan smiles at that and than flickers her forehead. “Continue reading, Little Wonder.”

“Okay, Little Hero!” Echo turns the page. And begins reading. “The Tortoise said qu-qui-quie-quiet-quietly, 'I a-ac-acc-”

“The last c is more like an s.”

“Acc-acce”accep-accept your challenge.’”

“Very good.”

“That's very brave and bold of the tortoise to do, but can he win?” Echo wonders out loud.

“Let's find out. But first read it again.”

“The Tortoise said quietly, ‘I accept your challenge.’”

“Good next sentence.”

“Wha? No explaining?” Echo looks up at him, eyes wide. Cadan laughs. “I think you know exactly what is happening in the sentence, Echo.”

“If you say so.” Echo shrugs and looks back at her book. “‘That is a good joke,’ - hey that's not nice of the bunny! He didn't need to be this mean about that!”

“Yeah, Echo the bunny isn't the nicest animal, but don't worry he will learn his lesson.”

“He will? How?” Disbelief fills her voice and face. “Keep on reading to find out.” Cadan teases her. Echo looks still doubtful but than just shrugs. “Then let's keep on reading.” She looks back at fable and sits up straighter.

“'Said the hare. ‘I could d-da-dan-danc-dance a-ar-aro-arou-aroun-around you all the w-way.’” Than without hesitation, Echo reads the sentence again. “‘That’s a good joke,” said the hare. 'I could dance around you all the way’”

And so they continue on through the whole book, slowly reading each word and carefully pronouncing them correctly. Pausing for explaining the sentence were also made, but they just here and there, when Cadan thought the sentences were a little difficult. But Echo read through it brilliantly, making Cadan really proud and also herself.

She loves it when Cadan is proud of her. It makes feel really good about herself. She is also a little sad that she is now done with the book. While the ending with the bunny getting his rightful punishment and the tortoise, whom she had been rooting to win, actually won. Echo found it is a very fitting ending to the story. But know the reading lesson is over. At least was the first to finish her book.

Ari is the one with most pages left, her reading had not seem as fun as her own. Mostly because Ari is bored, easily distracted and really impatient. She would probably rather run in circles than read for that long. But she needed to be able to read normal. And Art, Cad and Hemy had said multiple times to her, that one day she will thank them for the excruciatingly boring reading lessons. Echo kind of agrees with them, but she would never tell that Ari.

Aura is almost done with her book, slowing down her reading process by going of script and adding thing to the sentences to make them more interesting to her. On some instances Hemera let her do it, in others not so much. Aura has her fun regardless.

“How about we get ourselves something to drink and some candies?” Cadan whispers in her ear. Echo lights up at that and nods wildly, jumping down from her chair, racing into the kitchen, followed by a laughing Cadan and the eyes of two other tiny girls. Their eyes bright as they stare at the pair leaving the room. Then Blue-grey meets fawn-brown. They seem to be talking just with their eyes. A resolute nod to each other before they get back to reading. They have definitely planned something.

___________

I hope you all like it.

If you have any questions feel free to ask me. I would love to answer them.

Tagging: @beaubcxton @lux-et-tenebra @mindnumbmikey @starlightheir @guthiix @iamthebonecarverr @tswaney17 @feyres-painting-studio @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks

[stanathieluris]

Just What I Needed

or, as i’ve been referring to it in my head, The Concert Fic

summary: Eddie has been studying abroad one year in France. When he gets back, he’s greeted by his beloved friends and some unfinished business. 

pairings: reddie, side stenbrough

warnings: characters are aged up (19), underage drinking.

notes: i know i say this in all my fics but english is not my first language so yea, please be nice. likes/reblogs/comments/feedback is very much apreciated! also, this is my first time attempting to write a multichaptered fic so idk how this is gonna turn out

spotify playlist w some songs i guess that inspired me to write this??

“Remind me again why am I here”.

The music is loud, the air thick with the smell of sweat, there are way too many people breaking into his personal space, and worst of all, the floor is extremely sticky. Eddie can’t help to bounce on the balls of his feet nervously, afraid that, if he stays still, his nikes will get stuck on the spot forever. The place is called The Sewers and honestly, Eddie couldn’t have come up with a better fitting name.

Stan smirks at him “I told you, to catch up and stuff!” he exclaims, putting his arm over Eddie’s shoulders.

“We could’ve done this in a nice cafe” the short boy huffs “where everything is quiet and nice and, you know, fucking clean”.

“Hey, don’t diss the bar” his friend laughs. Eddie wants to do more than diss the bar. He wants to bring all the disinfectant he owns, bleach and clean the place from floor to ceiling. But he has to restrain himself.

“Anyway, why did we come here? It doesn’t look like your kind of scene” Eddie asks, eyeing the sea of punks, mods and goths that surrounded them. Eddie stares at their creative outfits and hairstyles, and compares them with Stan’s turtle neck, pressed pants and polished shoes. He looks like an outsider to the place.

“Eh, I’m kind of a regular here now” he shrugs. “Plus, there’s a free concert and the band is kind of good”.

Eddie hasn’t seen Stan in over a year, and while it’s true that they messaged from time to time and exchanged emails monthly, he sure feels like they’ve fallen out of touch. Although he still has the same mop of curly hair (just a bit longer) and keeps making those deadpan serious comments that leave you double guessing if he is joking or not, there’s no way to deny that Stan has changed. Is not only the way he dresses, more elegantly and fashionable (finally ditching the khakis and pressed shirts), but also on the way he puts himself out, more relaxed and laid back, less tense, as if in the past year he had dropped a huge weight off his shoulders that he had been carrying around for his whole life. Eddie knew he was going to miss a lot from his friends lives while he was away, but he is starting to realize just how much ‘a lot’ can be.

“When is Bill getting here?” Eddie asks.

“Give it, ten minutes? Fifteen max” Stan answers while checking his wristwatch “Do you want to order something while we wait on him?”.

The sole thought of touching anything of this bar with his hands, much less with his mouth, nauseates Eddie, but it’s either that or being sober and hyper aware of all the stains and nasty smells that surround him, and suddenly being at least tipsy doesn’t sound that bad.

“Lead the way Uris”.

They make their way to the bar, swimming between the tight pack of people around them. When they reach it, Stan calls a very big and menacing bartender that greets him with a smile and wonders if he will have the usual. He also asks him where did he leave his boy, and Stan blushes.

“What did he mean by ‘your boy’?” Eddie asks when the bartender is gone.

“Well…” the blush on Stan’s cheeks deepens, reaching his ears and he gets this sheepish smile that makes Eddie connect the dots.

“Oh my god. Oh my god!” he gasps “Don’t tell me that it finally happened”.

Before Stan can answer, someone ruffles his hair.

“Would you look at that! Eddie Kaspbrak in the flesh!”.

Eddie turns around to see not only Bill, but Bev with him.

“Guys!” he exclaims, hugging both of them at the same time, sloppily and almost tripping. He can’t help it. He has missed his friends.

“Holy shit I’d forgotten how tiny you were Eddie.” Bev laughs, drawing her arms around his shoulders “Your hugs were always the best”.

“You’ve gotten soft Marsh” Eddie laughs.

“W-We missed you a luh-lot” Bill says, smiling wide.

“I’ve missed you guys too” he holds them a bit tighter.

“Okay guys, cut it out, we are going to get too emotional” Stanley jokes.

They let got of the group hug and Eddie gets a better look at them. Bill is looking at him with a spark on his eyes that he hadn’t seen before, and a wide smile on his face. He seems more confident, more grounded, and Eddie can tell that from his stance to the reassured smirk on his face.

“What the fuck Denborough? You pierced your ears?” he exclaims when he notices the two small hoops on his left ear.

Bill laughs out loud “Damn, you should s-see Bev’s collection”.

Like on cue, the girl shows off not only her wide collection of piercings in various places of her ears and face (that septum nose ring suits her like hell), but sticks her tongue at Eddie, almost making him faint.

“Oooh my goood Bev, do you know what could happen to you if that shit would get infected?” he babbles while giving a pointed look to the small silver ball that pierces Bev’s tongue, earning a good laughter from his friends.

“Man I really missed your nagging Eddie” she hugs him again and even though the small boy wants to lecture her a bit more, he smiles.

“I’ve missed you all too” he whispers, pretty sure that Bev is the only one able to hear him.

“So, how was France?” Stan asks, a sly smile on his face.

“Amazing holy shit” Eddie blabbers, letting go of Bev “like, Europe? On a whole other level, I’m not kidding you guys”.

“Wuh-Well, it’s very different from D-Derry” Bill smiles at his best friend’s energy.

“Did you had escargots?” Bev asked.

Eddie shivers “No, no, no, no, no, no. We don’t mention escargots” his friends laugh at his disgusted face.

“Are boys as pretty as they look in movies?” Stan then interjects, winking at Bill, who just smiles back. Eddie makes a mental note to interrogate his best friend about whatever thing is happening between him and Stan.

“Like straight out of a dream” he sighs dreamily “They were all full lips, soft skin, sharp jaws and perfectly combed curls”.

“What the fuck happened to you and when did you become such a poet!” Bev exclaims, ruffling once again his hair. He has missed the affectionate gesture “And you say I have turned soft”.

“Hey! I’ve always been soft” he complains.

Stan scoffed “Yeah right, because I was the one who put Greta and her asshole friends in their place back in sixth grade”.

“Or when yuh-you r-ranted like a ruh-rabid dog to th-those mean kids that made fun of my stutter in f-freshman year” Bill added.

“Or when you almost got into that fight with the cheer squad for making fun of Ben” Bev smiled.

“Or when-”

“Okay, okay! I get it!” he exclaims, feeling himself turn red.

“Admit it Kaspbrak, you’ve always been a feisty little punk” Stan teases him. Eddie rolls his eyes and takes another sip from his drink.

“Talking about Ben, where is he?” Eddie asks turning to Bev.

“He should be joining us any second” she answers, checking her phone “Yup, he just texted me he’s almost here! And Mike is coming with him too”.

“Awesome!” Stan exclaims “The losers back together, this is amazing”.

“S-softie”.

“Shut up Bill”.

Eddie wants to jump into the comfortable banter his friends have fallen into, but he can’t help but think about Stan has said

The losers back together

Yeah, almost all of them.

One year ago

He checks his luggage for the hundredth time, making sure that he has his passport, plane ticket and student visa with him. His hands are shaking, and he can feel his whole body vibrate. Bill helps him taking all his suitcases down to the dorm’s driveway, where Mike is waiting for them. In silence, they all pack Eddie’s belongings into the car’s trunk.

The trip to the airport is awkward and silent. Eddie doesn’t stop looking out the window, taking in all the sights of Derry (and Maine), the ones he’s gonna miss for a whole year. Bill puts his hand on his shoulder and squeezes it reassuringly. He smiles at his friend, lifting the gaze from the landscape. There’s nothing left to say, they have spilled all the unsaid things the night before, the only night ever Sonia Kaspbrak has let his son invite over his best friend for a sleep over.

When they arrive to the airport, it’s like everything hits Eddie all of a sudden. He steps out of the car and starts crying, tripping and almost falling if it wasn’t for Mike, ready to catch him. They stay a couple of minutes like that, the muscular boy holding the sobbing mess Eddie has turned into while Bill picks all the bags by himself. When Eddie seems to calm down (and takes a puff of his inhaler) they go inside.

Bev has really outdone herself this time. The banner reads “GOODBYE EDDIE” with pastel colours and glitter and stars surrounding them. The paper looks cheap and the letters are crooked, but Eddie thinks it’s the most beautiful thing his friend has ever painted. Next to her are the rest of the losers, smiling widely and on the verge of tears. 

The first one to break from the group is Ben, who tells him how much he is going to miss him, how biology is going to stink without him to make fun of Mr King’s crooked glasses, and that he should check the Sorbonne library because the place is straight out of a dream. Eddie promises him to do so, that he will check every single book and sneak him some pictures, choking back the tears, thanking him for being such an amazing friend. 

The next one is Stan, who hugs him so tightly, Eddie is scared he might lose his breath. He feels his friend tremble and it just hits him so hard, because he has never seen Stan cry, let alone so intensely. He tells Eddie to enjoy France, and Eddie whispers back that he is going to miss his late night text conversations about boys and films and what are they going to do with their lives when they leave together this godforsaken town. When he pulls back, Stan smiles down on him, red-cheeked and bright-eyed.

Bev comes crashing on him, and there are a lot of “i love you”s, snarky comments between tears, hair ruffling and the moment Eddie tells her to “make sure none of them get into trouble or whatever fuck up”, she just places a hand on his cheek, tears rolling down her eyes and nods, muttering a simple, yet full of feeling, bye.

And finally, Richie.

The boy is shaking and it shows, all color drained from his face. Eddie is scared that he might throw up. He can feel all the losers shuffling away from them, which only makes the situation even more awkward. He tries to make eye contact with the trashmouth, but the boy has his eyes locked on the floor. Eddie’s debating whether or not say something, but before he opens his mouth, Richie pulls him into a soft embrace. Eddie pactrically buries his head on the other boys chest and he can feel Richie dropping his face onto his hair, soft lips against chocolate curls.

“Don’t forget about me. About us” he mutters in a raspy voice, quickly adding the last part. Eddie feels himself sob, tears staining Richies shirt.

“I won't” he manages “I promise I won't”.

They pull apart just a couple of inches, and with a swift movement, Richie lifts gently Eddie’s face by the chin, locking eyes with him. They stay like that for a long moment, faces close, eyes locked, tears falling silently. If they wanted, they could kiss.

But they just linger close, no contact whatsoever.

Eddie’s mind always wanders back to that day, especially to that moment in particular. He can’t help it. It’s one of the biggest what ifs of his life. And for the looks of it, it’s going to stay a mystery forever if the trashmouth was going to kiss him or not.

He really doesn’t want to acknowledge the elephant in the room, but he needs to know .

“What about Richie?” the question slips his lips before he can shut his mouth.

“What about him?” Bev asks, arching a brow at him.

“Is he coming with Ben and Mike too?” he shoots back, trying to sound as non-chalant as possible. Oh god, could his stomach, please tone it down with the nerves?

“Kind o-” to this day, Eddie doesn’t know what Bev was going to say, because she gets interrupted by a wolf-whistle and a high-pitched noise of static coming from the stage.

“Okay, okay people” a voice booms through the mic, and Eddie spots the big guy from the bar in the stage “now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Live tonight at The Sewers for another iconic night, please welcome Trashmouth and the Losers!”.

The noise from the audience is deafening, as three figures rush onto the stage. Eddie stares wide eyed from his spot, and he can’t help but feel that he is going to pass out. Because, right there, in the flesh, in all his beautiful glory, followed by Mike and Ben, is Richie Tozier.

He turns his eyes from the stage to his friends, who try to fight the laughter cause by his mortified expression.

“Surprise” Stan laughs, winking at him.

taglist: @turtleneckrichie @richietoaster @mikexelevenfluff @thecastlebyers @kleinmansbathbombs 

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

SFW Alphabet Donghan

Source: SFW Alphabet

This is dedicated to @/ukulelewrites since she’s always complaining there isn’t enough Donghan content on tumblr.

A - AU (Random AU here, so like domestic, prince, vampire, etc.)

I almost made it vampire, single father, boyfriend, or husband Donghan but didn’t, so shameless self promo right here. I see Donghan as a prince!AU(probably gonna write one now), he’s that prince that was born into it but hates it. He just wants to dance and be normal, but being of noble name he can’t. He would sneak out of the castle and visit a nearby town, dressing in commoners clothing and using a fake name. It was in the town he met you, a kind inn keeper who let him rent an extra room you had, you didn’t question his obviously fake name as long as he paid the rent on time. The room was only even used at night, when he’d arrive, but he’d always be gone by morning. Weeks passed, and the two got to know each other, but Donghan still hadn’t told you he was a prince. He probably wouldn’t tell you either, until he has to, since his parents found out he was sneaking out at night and sent a guard to follow him and find out where he was going to at night. His parents would force him to tell you he was a prince, hoping it would kill anything feelings between the two of you, but it doesn’t work.

B - Best Friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

You know that friend that you are like I could totally cut them out of my life, but if you tried to it would kill you, he’s that friend. Like you hate but you also love him, and he’s the best friend you could have.

C - Cuddles (cuddler? not a cuddler? maybe a cuddler? how would they cuddle?)

Donghan is clingy, cuddles are a given. He loves nothing more than just holding you, regardless of where you are and what time it is, he’s always up for cuddling. He’s the big spoon, of course, he’d pull you down to sit by him and within minutes you are on his lap and his face is in your neck.

D - Domestic (how domestic are they? would they clean? cook? help you clean/cook? or would they just mess everything up lol

Donghan helping around the house, that would be your dreams come true. He’s the least helpful person ever, he just steals all the cleaning supplies and puts them on high shelves and is like “You’ll get them back when you kiss me.”

E - Ending (if they had to break up with someone, how would they do it?)

Donghan I feel would recruit his friends to help him, he’d be that guy that can’t find the courage to breakup with you himself, so he gets his friends to drop the hint, and basically break up with you for him.

F - Films (what kind of movies would they like? theaters or netflix?)

Donghan I feel would be one of those “I’ll watch whatever you want to watch babe” guys. He’s not going to openly say I want to watch this or that, but he’s lowkey hoping you’ll pick the movie he wants. He’d probably hope you pick that horror movie, because he wants to be that boyfriend that holds his girlfriend when she’s scared from the horror movie. He’d prefer Netflix to theaters, just because you can’t really cuddle that much in a theater.

G - Group Mates (how would they break the news to the group? how would their group mates interact with you?)

His friends would probably tease the hell out of him, like he has a girlfriend, gateway to being teased forever. They would be apprehensive of you, but would soon become best friends with you. They would talk shit about Donghan with you, and probably tell you all the weird things he doe trying to scare you off, until they realize it’s not working and then are like “Well little bro she really does like you, she didn’t run off when we told her you sleep with a stuffed animal from your childhood.”

H - Hugs (how would they hug you? is it common for them to hug you?)

Hugs are really more cuddles than actual hugs. Donghan is clingy as hell, like he’d hug you and then twenty minutes later you two are still hugging, but it’s transitioned into cuddling since he won’t let you go.

I - Intimate (how touchy feely are they? when would they become comfortable to be touchy feely?)

As said before, boy is clingy as hell, you better expect his hands to be everywhere, just everywhere. 

J - Jealous (would they ever get jealous? how would they act if they were jealous?)

Jealous, Donghan, yes. He wouldn’t show it and refuses to admit it, but he gets really jealous when he notices his friends getting close to you or you getting close to his friends. 

K - Kisses (how would they kiss you? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

Kisses with Donghan would be wild, like boy is wild so of course. He’d probably pick you up and push you against a wall, complaining the height difference makes kissing hard. Boy probably often kisses your forehead or the top of your head, he’s tall so he says that’s the only place he can kiss without bending down. I feel like he’d like it if you kissed him on the cheek, which isn’t that easy due to his height, but if you did, he’d love it.

L - Little Ones (how are they around kids? are they scared out of their minds or are they the kids’ bff by the end of the day?)

He’d be both I feel, like to start with he’d be scared to death and thinking of ways to get out of being around this child, but within an hour if the child is a boy, the two are in a fort with a no girls aloud sign in front of it and telling you that you can’t enter, or if the child is a girl, he’ll be sitting in a small chair pretending to drink tea and eat crumpets as the guest of honor at her tea party. If it’s a boy I could see him turning into one of those people that throws the kid in the air and catches it also, or if it’s a girl, he’ll be wrapped around her finger and by the end of the day he has bows in his hair and she put makeup on him, because he couldn’t tell her no.

M - Morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are lazy, him saying five more minutes and holding you tighter, five minutes turn into two hours, and before long it’s 2 pm and you are starving but he still refuses to let you go. Mornings with him are you waking him up and him refusing to get up, but you’ll have to get wise, get out of his grasp before waking him up, wake him up from across the room if you can’t be late, then he can’t grab you and pull you back onto the bed. 

N - Night (how are nights spent with them?)

Expecting cuddling while watching a movie, probably a horror movie in the hopes of you being scared so he can cuddle you more. It’ll be 2 am and he wants food so you go on a convenience store run and he’s like time is just a social construct created to confine people to their homes once the sun sets, and you are just like “Grab the damn banana milk and ramen you want so we can get home.” 

O - Open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything at once or what a while to reveal?)

I feel he’d want to form a bond before he starts telling you much about himself, he’d want to know you are someone he can trust first. He’d start opening up after that trust is formed, and it’s a little bit at first, but gradually grows and before long you’ll know everything.

P - Photographs (are they into documenting your relationship? what kind of pics would they take? candids? posed? funny?)

He would take all kinds of photos, he has folders based on what the photo is, funny, candids, posed, aesthetics, couple. He probably has a folder called blackmail of the ugliest photos he could take of you, incase he needs something to bribe you into giving him that last slice of pizza or the last cookie in the jar.

Q - Quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail that you mention in passing? or do they kinda forget everything?)

Donghan I feel would be a mix of both, he’d remember that story you told him about that time you went swimming with your cousins in a lake and got your swimsuit stuck on something, but he doesn’t remember that story you told him about that time your mother thought there was a turtle in the road and sat there for ten minuets before realizing it was a rock(my mom actually did this once). He tries to remember everything, but doesn’t.

R - Rain (what do they like to do when it rains?)

Depending on how you react to the rain, he’d either love watching it while holding you, or trying to keep your mind off of it. If you feared thunderstorms, despite how much he likes teasing you, he’d instantly become serious the moment storms are predicted to happen and start coming up with ways to distract you from what is going on outside. Even if it was 2 am and it started storming, he’d come to your house in the rain, to comfort you and keep your mind off the storm. If you weren’t afraid of storms, he’d enjoy listening and watching the storm with you in his arms, before probably falling asleep.

S - Sleep (what are their sleep habits?)

He’ll sleep wherever and whenever, like if you two are outside in the park, if it’s peaceful he would fall asleep right there. He likes to cuddle you when you sleep. He finds it comforting to pull you against his chest, like big spoon definitely, and falling sleep with you in his arms. 

T - Try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, everyday tasks?)

The first few dates were probably his mother’s planning, he didn’t know what you’d like so he asked her for help and she pretty much planned them. The first anniversary was also his mother’s planning, but all after that were his own plans. When you ask him to do chores, he’ll do everything to avoid it. 

U - Ugly (what would be some ugly habits of theirs that you’d not like?)

He has a habit of placing things on top high shelves so he can watch you suffer while trying to get it down. I also feel like he’s a blanket hog, so cuddling with him means you need two blankets or you better be ready to fight for it or just sit in his lap, which honestly I feel like he’d purposely only bring one blanket and then be like “Well I guess if you wanna be warm you’ll just have to sit in my lap” but then you go and get your own blanket.

V - Victorious (would they play games with you? what kind of games? would they win?)

You know Mario Karts, probably all this boy plays. If you win, you can bet your ass he’s accusing you of cheating, but like how does one cheat at Mario Karts. If he wins, expect him to tell everyone, he would probably call your grandma at 3 am to tell her that he beat you at Mario Karts, and he will constantly bring it up, like you tell him to do something like chores and he’s like “Sorry babe, I’m a Mario Kart winner, I can’t do that.” 

W - Winter (what do they do with you when the weather’s cold? is it hot cocoa and cuddle? or is it ice skating? or something else?)

Even in the middle of summer this boy is cuddling you, he’s clingy as hell and won’t let go of you even if you say you need to use the bathroom. Cold winter days with him are spent cuddling in front of the tv, watching a movie, while sipping on hot cocoa, which you made because he somehow managed to burn the milk the first time.

X - Xtra,,,,,i tried (a random headcanon for them!)

Donghan wouldn’t be very domestic, but he would have his moments, and in those moments, expect him to want you to praise him. Like he noticed you fell asleep so he put your laundry into the dryer and then took them out and folded them and put them up, so expect him to remind you of that time he saved your clothing from sitting in the washing machine for hours and expect him to expect you to make him his favorite dessert or something as a thank you.

Y - Yuck (what would be things they wouldn’t really like? either in general or in a partner)

Donghan I feel wouldn’t like people that he can’t feel like himself around, he wouldn’t want to be around people he feels don’t appreciate him or that loose cannons and always ready to fight. He wouldn’t want to date someone he feels he has to be someone else around, he would want someone that excepts him flaws and all, and also wouldn’t mind him being clingy af.

Z - Zodiac (what is their zodiac sign? do they fit it to a T? speaking of zodiac, how superstitious are they when it comes to love?)

Donghan is a cancer, like me so I know all the shit about this sign. Cancers are intuitive and sentimental, often they are regarded as one of the most emotional and sensitive zodiacs. They are seen as the most challenging zodiac to get to know, and get attached to people that they are close to. While they are one of the most loyal, emotional, and empathetic signs, they are also often manipulative, insecure, and moody. Often they are quick to help and even quicker to avoid conflict. Easy to get hurt, they are gentle and caring. In a partner cancers prefer someone that can understand them through nonverbal ways, silent contact, and daily routines; relationships don’t last long with flaky or superficial people they feel are unreliable. Cancers are a sign that needs someone they feel calm, protected, and free to express themselves around, to form a relationship. The easiest way to make a Cancer think you don’t care about them, is by taking them for granted and ignoring the compassion and understanding they send your way. Cancers, especially men, can be clingy, moody, and pessimistic, but also creative and generous; they need someone that can provide them attention, through kind words, concerns, and compliments. Cancer men are creative and generous, and when they look for someone to date, in their mind they are looking for someone they feel would make a great future wife and mother than a quick hookup.  Signs a Cancer is usually most compatible with are: Taurus, Virgo, Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces, and Capricorn. I feel Donghan isn’t all of this, but he does fit the description of it mostly. I feel like Donghan fits the idea of Cancers dating pretty closely, he needs someone that is perfectly fine with sitting in silence for three hours and just cuddling, but that person also needs to understand that he can get emotional. They’ll need to make the first move, and understand that Cancer men can get extremely overprotective of ones they love. Donghan I feel isn’t one to easily or quickly fall in love, like most Cancers, you need to form a bond and gain his trust before he’ll consider that maybe he loves you. 

[romancevsreality-blog]

vanderpump rules, season six, episode four: if you get mcdonalds delivered to your house get out of my life

I truly believe this week’s opening song crooner is the worst yet. Imagine Ariana Grande’s voice, but without the passionate depth? Also, it defintely makes the least amount of sense - “When we fall, we never mind, mind, mind?” I FUCKING MIND. As a person who falls a lot - and not even in the charming romantic comedy kind-of-way - I’m reaching the age where if I fall, I’m genuinely concerned for my personal safety. I sprained my tailbone over the summer and ever since then I’m convinced I need a LifeAlert bracelet or else it’s over for me.

We’re at Jax and Brittany’s apartment, and there’s a sleeping dog1 and it’s 12:07 pm. Brittany, Katie Baloney, and Scheana are all just rising for the day. Stassi walks in and cracks a beer, and we learn that the previous night’s Let’s Burn Jax To The Ground Yearbook Signing Party moved its way to Brittany’s apartment and went well into the morning. Katie’s gushing over Tom Schwartz for whatever reason, and Stassi had Taco Bell delivered.

Okay, I don’t get that.

Like, the idea of getting McDonalds or Burger King or any kind of Shame Food delivered to my apartment feels like rock bottom for me. I can’t imagine spending enough money at any of those places to justify having it delivered to me. Then again, I haven’t had Taco Bell since I left Detroit, so. Maybe there’s just something I’m missing?

Scheana asks Brittany if she’s still joining her and Lala on a private jet to Vegas. We never get a response because Katie feels the need to get all sanctimonious about Lala’s “sugar daddy married boyfriend”. He’s not married, they’re separated, and Katie still can’t shut her damn mouth about Lala. I just can’t imagine being the kind of person who’d get upset when someone spreads their generosity around. Who cares how Lala got the private jet? She asked Scheana and Brittany to join her, and that’s nice.

Can we go back to not having Katie on our screens again? It’s bad enough that her turtle glasses match her leopard/turtle wristlet tattoo

Oh, hello, Villa Rosa! Hello swans! Hello Toms! Apparently they listened to “Lose Yourself” by Eminem to pump themselves up for this meeting because… okay, honestly, “Lose Yourself” hits hard at a certain time and place, but also these dudes are basically Michael Phelps. I don’t know what would have made me roll my eyes harder, them saying this, or like, A Tribe Called Quest’s “Scenario.”

Who am I kidding - these boys don’t know who A Tribe Called Quest is. Busta Rhymes to them is the guy from The Rugrats Movie soundtrack who did that song with Chris Brown2.

They’re nervous, and Lisa and Ken are lounging, covered in dogs, lying in wait for the Toms. Lisa’s narrating what’s going on between them, and says unless they’re showing some sort of enthusiasm, she’s out. The Toms also happened to have gone pretty hard the night before under the guise of “helping Jax”. When has “helping Jax” ever worked out for anyone?! Needless to say, our boys are hungover. Lisa asked if they got lost between the gate and the house as soon as she sees them. Right now, Lisa’s not feeling the partnership because she’s concerned about their negativity. She wants their commitment - both in emotion and in money. $120,000 for 10% of the restaurant. They’re both hesitant because das a lot of money.

Lisa’s not negotiating, either. Schwartz wants $50,000 each for 5% of the restaurant, and suddenly I wonder why Lisa Vanderpump isn’t on Shark Tank.

CAN I JUST GET THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF SHARK TANK? Imagine: Sonja Morgan pitching her toaster ovens to Kevin O

’Leary, Bethenny, Notorious Billionaire Entrepreneur And Outspoken Owner Of The Dallas Mavericks Mark Cuban, Mauricio Umansky, and Kandi Burruss.

Bravo, give me a call.

Lisa and Ken are okay with that. They’re partners. All Lisa wants is enthusiasm, positivity, and their money. That’s all!

Scheana asks if Jax is ever coming back to the apartment, and as soon as that happens, he walks in and he’s immediately pissed. He’s mad that the girls are there, the house is a mess, people are dying of cancer, he’s mad because he’s 450 years old and he just wants to be in his own home. Jax says Brittany isn’t as devastated as she’s claiming and she’s milking it all for attention, and Brittany flips. Because that’s a fucked up thing to say. You don’t get to hurt people and then criticize how they cope, Jax. You don’t get to hurt people and tell them how to react to you, Jax. You just don’t get to hurt people, Jax. I don’t blame Brittany for trying to kick him out of their apartment. He came in hot and they weren’t doing anything to him except sitting there, breathing. He feels like he’s been ambushed and Stassi’s right when she points out that he’s just pointing fingers at them to deflect blame for his fuck up by lying to her by omission about Faith. He continues to tell her she can’t tell him how to behave in his own house while trying to tell her how to behave in her house and sees zero irony in any of that.

Brittany’s hurt, and she told him how she was going to react to it - she was going to lose her mind and be upset for a while and she didn’t want to talk to him about it. He’s not listening to her. Jax really just doesn’t care about Brittany’s feelings whatsoever - he’s more focused on covering his own ass. He needs the validation that comes from cheating and the validation that no matter how terribly he treats her, his partner will continue to allow this cycle of abuse to continue.

WE GET TO HEAR T.I.P3 while Tom and Tom cruise and celebrate their new partnership. I mean, I just love the idea of someone using their own music as hype music. They’re just hoping they don’t disappoint Lisa Vanderpump, which won’t be hard considering who they are. Sandoval gets a call from Ariana, who is very busy and important so she won’t be able to take time out of her day to leave and have sex with Tom Sandoval. It’s okay, Schwartz is offering Katie up if Sandoval’s interested, and I have never wanted anything less in my entire life.

The Toms return to Katie and Tom’s apartment, where Stassi and Baloney are hanging out. The Toms come in and basically do my favorite thing (no) which is when people have good news and pretend like they have bad news. No one is so on edge that they care as much as you two do about this. Sandoval’s like, “Yeah, it’s a bummer I might not be working at Sexy Unique Restaurant in a few months because we’re OPENING A BAR!!!!!” And Schwartz is just happy that in his thirties someone decided to give him a restaurant. Fairly certain Schwartz has no idea how the world actually operates. Then again, the only job he’s ever had was 90 minutes at PUMP before he had to leave, so.

Katie’s just so happy that Tom seems to be making an investment into the future instead of spending all of their money on video games and differing apparatuses from which to drink beer. Katie’s just happy that the guy she married because he was hot is actually trying to be an adult for the first time in his thirty-something years of existence.

Cool Girl Ariana comes over to Scheana’s apartment, where Scheana is packing for Vegas and I’m pretty sure i have her entire outfit and have worn it relatively recently. I’m a big fan of oversized flannel shirts and like, mini dresses. Ariana asks Scheana what happened in the morning at Jax’s. Ariana’s bummed she missed Brittany taking a swing at Jax, and honestly at this point, he’s so old that a light breeze might knock him over and he’ll shatter into a million cocaine-filled pieces.

Queen Lalar comes over wearing a shirt covered in drawings of her face and my heart swoons. Lalar’s been juicing so her Summer Body is ready for Vegas. They’re taking a private jet provided by Lalar’s boyfriend. I love Lala’s logic as to how she gets on private jets - if you’re not ugly and have tits, you can get on a private jet. I actually can’t understate how true that is. I mean, not speaking from personal experience, but honestly, if I knew someone with a private jet, I don’t think it would be hard to convince them to take me to like, Chicago4. Lala tells Ariana and Scheana she got her job back, and Scheana’s like, “Katie’s talking about your boyfriend again.”

Lala immediately gets heated and starts making fun of Katie because let’s be real - Katie’s not mad that Lala’s boyfriend was separated and started dating a younger girl, Katie’s mad that she married a dude with zero ambition and her looks couldn’t get her an older dude with a jet. Sorry. Katie’s still maintaining the lie about Katie, and Lala’s like, “they all call me a homewrecker and I’m the one being accused of attacking people?” Lala says she’s gonna pop Katie if she continues to talk about it, because she thought they were cool now. And if Katie’s going to go low, so can Lala. She says that Tom Schwartz made out with her friend recently - as in while he was married to Katie5. Apparently when Katie was away in New York at some point, Tom was all over Lala’s friend Allie, calling her “bubba” and being all touchy-feely. Lala was like, “I wasn’t gonna say shit but then she came for me first, so. Who cares if her life is ruined, that’s karma.”6 Ariana basically agrees to talk to Schwartz about it at Guillermo’s birthday.

Stassi’s at Villa Rosa, and Stassi’s running behind for prep for Guillermo’s surprise birthday, and guess what? Event planning is fucking hard. Colin Cowie and David Tutera make it look easy but every step of planning any kind of party (and don’t get me started on weddings) takes fifteen logistical steps to make sure things occur when they should. Oh, you want bows for your chairs? What color? Oh, that color doesn’t come in the fabric you chose. What fabric? Oh, that fabric only fits around certain types of chairs. Nothing about event planning is easy. Event coordination is even harder and I seriously have mad respect for anyone who makes that shit happen. Lisa gives Stassi her black AMEX and basically is like, “use this, don’t get into trouble.”

And then Stassi starts filling up her PrettyLittleThing and Missguided shopping carts.

Jax and Schwartz are at Society Kitchen, and honestly, the only reason that I would ever move to LA is that even their breakfast restaurants serve liquor at like, 8 AM. Also, that menu looks amazing. They order something called “fried guacamole” and Jax shames Schwartz into picking french fries over a side salad. Schwartz acts like he’s never seen anything fried when the fried guacamole comes to the table, and I don’t know - the idea of biting into something brown and it being soft and green on the inside actually makes me kind of nauseous. But then again, I don’t have an orgasm every single time I think of an avocado like some people7.

Jax has been uninvited from working Guillermo’s party because Brittany’s working, too, but Jax, who is the inspiration for the 1938 play Gaslight, which is where the term gaslighting originated, had a chance to talk to her without the bias of her friends, and it seems like they’re at least a bit better now. Schwartz is like, “dude, were you not just about to move out like, two days ago? Give her time.” Honestly, I think if Brittany had moved out, Jax would have been fine with that and fine with them breaking up. He doesn’t want to do any work or put in any external effort, so they’re staying together because he just doesn’t want to deal with the stress of moving.

Schwartz gives the suggestion of a “don’t ask, don’t tell” kind of situation - aka, an open relationship between Brittany and Jax. And honestly, if Jax’s self-esteem wasn’t linked so deeply with his psyche, I would say that would be his ideal situation. But again, he cheats primarily for validation from his partner and from external sources - if you take the “betrayal” part out of it, it’s useless. The appeal is gone if you don’t get the drama or the attention out of it.

Meanwhile, Stassi’s like, “how do people work? Every day? How do they do things?’ Life funded by Instagram Sponsorships sounds great. Getting paid $5k to post a photo? How do I get this life? Stassi’s overwhelmed, but honestly, she seems to do a decent job of delegating. And when you’re event planning, 70% of the job is just pointing and telling people what to do while pretending everything’s okay8. Everyone’s there! Tom! Katie! Kristen! Ariana! Kristen’s weird non-factor boyfriend! Everyone has jackets gently draped over their shoulders because it’s LA, you don’t need an actual coat.

Katie, Kristen, Stassi, and Brittany (who is working, poor thing) are all standing around chatting. Kristen’s been doing this weird thing lately where she just like, fawns over her friends in this really strange, inauthentic way. She’s like, “Brittany, you always look like a Victoria’s Secret model, even when your boyfriend is being a huge fucking asshole.” It’s such a weird thing to say - not that I’m against complimenting people, but it feels so PLEASELIKEMEPLEASELIKEMEINEEDAJOBONTHISSHOWTOAFFORDMYLIFEPLEASEPLEASECAMERATIMEPLEASE. Brittany’s done talking about Jax, at least for the moment, and she wants to work through the entire situation by herself, and when she talks to her friends about it, she gets worked up and emotional and that’s not the easiest way to make decisions.

Again: Brittany is better than these people, and certainly better than me. I’m immensely emotional and very impulsive, and I have a tendency to try to hurt people when I feel they’ve hurt me. I often go to my friends not for advice, but to be a ranting sounding board, and it’s not a great quality. I’m aware of it. I’m working on it. But good for Brittany for being like, “I need to figure this all out on my own, thank you for supporting me in this endeavor.”

Jax meets DJ James Kennedy, LMFAO at some random bar, and the idea of just the two of them hanging out together alone makes me concerned for everyone else in that bar. I feel like just being around each other will create a super-STD. No sexual contact required, just their aromas is enough. I mean, they start with shots of absinthe, and I’m 100% sure none of the preparation shown is how one drinks absinthe. Like, absinthe is both amazing9 and disgusting10 but if not properly prepared it’s basically like drinking Draino. It takes a long time, and it’s a thorough process that literally requires something to DRIP for a while.

But then again these are garbage people with garbage taste so they don’t care, they’re there to get drunk on Pernod.

James takes his shot and it ain’t no thang. Jax takes his shot and I’m genuinely concerned for him becuse he’s 850 years old and 136-proof alcohol could literally kill him. And it basically does, but not enough for my liking. Effectively, Jax is basically Jason Bateman in this scene from Extract11. Old man, can’t keep up.

Back at Sexy Unique Restaurant, Stassi is lighting sparklers and we get another chance to celebrate a public-domain usage of “Happy Birthday”. The cake has edible flowers on it. Eurgh. Guillermo reminds Tom & Tom that it’s them next, and they better not fuck it up.

Ariana takes this moment to take Tom Schwartz aside, and we get the first appearance of my personal favorite location on this show, The Sexy Unique Restaurant Back Alley By The Motorcycles and A Dumpster. Ariana’s like “I’m really dreeeeading talking to you about this,” and meanwhile inside, Katie’s like, “Where’s my HUSBAND?” I literally hate Katie because I know she’s the girl who as soon as she got a ring, she stopped referring to her significant other by his name. No, she wants to make sure you know how special she is so he’s no longer “Tom,” he’s “My Fiance/Husband”. Ariana rips the Band-Aid off quickly and tells Tom that she heard about him making out with someone a few months back.

Tom immediately denies it, or at least is basically like, “Yeah, I don’t remember that night.” We’re reminded of the last time this happened, and that Tom has a track record of just getting blackout drunk and not knowing what he did. And yeah, Jax does it, but Schwartz… has a drinking problem. He drinks to get blacked out, and frequently. He denies his behavior but he also doesn’t remember anything about that night. Ariana’s like, “you need to deal with this. Now.”

Tom compares his drunken self to a werewolf, and it’s like he sees that as a good thing. Even in his talking heads he’s a mess. He looks like he just got out of court-ordered rehab and is going to see his probation officer after being on a bender.

Jax and James are taking snaps together and pretending like they’re wasted on absinthe. With the amount these two drink on a regular basis, they’re not getting wasted on two shots of absinthe. James tries to be like, “you know, absinthe is a hallucinogenic,” and they try to edit it like they’re sOoOoOO oUt Of It~ and it’s not. At least not in America. I wasn’t amused. Meanwhile, Brittany’s been hate-fucking Jax a lot lately, and Jax is fine with that becasue at least someone will still touch his old, craven, decrepit body. Jax basically describes the Madonna/Whore complex in which he wants a sweet, nice girl at home, and a ho in the streets. It’s not deep, Jax. Just because you just learned the word “complex” doesn’t make it deep.

Katie immediately senses that something’s up when Tom and Ariana arrive back at the party, and immediately inquires. Ariana’s like “SHUT. UP. TOM.” and Tom’s literally like, “Yeah, apparently I made out with some girl at a party a few months ago when I was soooooooo wasted.” Even the way he tells it sounds like he doesn’t take cheating on his wife seriously whatsoever. The look on Katie’s face is literally like, “I will stab this man with a cocktail stirrer.” As soon as Katie finds out Lala’s the one who told everyone, she gets upset, of course12.

Katie storms out with Kristen, and Stassi, Ariana, and Brittany chase after her. Stassi’s like, “why is this coming up NOW at my first party ever?” and doesn’t want to believe it considering the source was Lala, but as soon as Kristen says that Tom was the one who brought up the topic in the first place, you see the wheels in Stassi’s brain turning because she was so prepared to rail on Lala. Katie’s like, “What did I do to deserve this?” and I’m literally like, “How long do you have, Kathryn13?” Tom is so drunk when he comes out to talk to Katie, he’s like “don’t cry buuuuubbbbbbbaaaaaa”, and she’s like “What the fuck do you mean, don’t cry?”

Y’all know I try my very hardest to never be on Katie’s side when it comes to pretty much anything, but in this case, I’m on her side. Yes, there’s a part of me that probably knows that they manufactured this storyline because Katie got so much hate on social media that Tom decided to take the bullet for his wife this time, but also - he can’t stop doing this. He literally cannot stop cheating on her. She gives him freedom and he turns around and does this? I’m sure it’s not even about the making out part - it’s the constant embarassment and the fact that Tom cannot take any responsibility for his hand in any of his actions. Yes, you were blackout drunk, and you don’t remember it, but you did something during that time that was hurtful and harmful to someone you love. Why wouldn’t you take a moment for some introspection? Why wouldn’t you look at your drunken behavior and try to change it? He just seems so like, “Well, I was drunk so I don’t know if it really happened or not, I can’t take responsibility for something I was barely there for.” He really thinks because he can’t remember it makes it alright.

Katie yells, “Get it together. What is wrong with you?” and that is the appropriate response. He needs to be an adult. He needs to grow up. You’re a fucking married man in your thirties, Tom. Stop acting like every night is a frat party - that’s literally the fastest way to losing your looks, which we all know is the most important thing to you, because it’s what’s allowed you to continue being the emotionally-stunted immature puppy-boy we’ve been watching for six years. I don’t think he’s consciously trying to cheat, or wants to cheat on Katie or even not be with her. (I mean, he doesn’t want to be with her.) Even Lisa’s like, “What the FUCK, Tom? How can I trust you if you can’t even be trustworthy in your marriage?”

Katie’s embarrassed. And for the first time, it’s for a reason I agree with, and not her general… essence. Or those earrings.

Next Week: Scheana’s parched for Rob, but Rob’s out making out with everyone in Los Angeles. More of Schwartz vs. Katie. Jax and Brittany have a housewarming party. Lala’s there, and oh, she’s got audio recordings of Jax talking shit to Faith about Brittany.

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

Scheana looks completely gorgeous in that slate blue dress talking head. The most natural she’s looked in a very long time. I still can’t stand those claw nails with the nude nail polish, though.

TomTom is still an offensive name to me. I literally just get “Genius of Love” in my head.

Kristen, Kristen, Kristen. She looked a damn mess in this episode. 

I marvel at the fact that these people’s lifestyles are totally ruining their bodies in ways we can’t even imagine but... are they all slurring their words a lot more now? 

Why do I feel like their apartment is probably covered in dog shit? Like, pee pads everywhere? ↩︎

And they alllllllllll think they can do the Look At Me Now verse. ↩︎

Touch in Public is one of the best songs created by a Bravolebrity ever, come the fuck at me. ↩︎

Only to see Hillary, did you know we have a podcast? ↩︎

I was LIVING for Ariana’s face in this scene. She had the face of “oh god oh god oh god YES THIS IS SO JUICY oh god oh god” ↩︎

I hate how much I love Lala in this moment. She goes from 0-100 so quickly - but sometimes when you have a sore spot and someone pokes it, you gotta do what you gotta do. ↩︎

HOT TAKE: I think avocados are overrated and cabbage doesn’t get nearly enough respect. Red cabbage? Hot damn, shit's delicious. ↩︎

I was a host/maitre’d in restaurants for five years. I’ve never identified with anything as much as I have this comic. Sometimes I miss it and then I think about the worst nights I had in restaurants and I kind of spiral and thank god that I’m out. ↩︎

When I was in Prague for my study abroad, I bought a bottle of absinthe on my last night when I was hammered, packed it away, and then it shattered in my bag in transit. Everything I owned smelled like anise. Everything. ↩︎

Disgusting in that one of my worst hangovers was at an absinthe bar in Washington DC and sometimes just the smell of absinthe sends me right back there. Don’t mix tripels and absinthe. That is two high-alcohol drinks that should never be combined. Ever. That was the first time I ever took an Uber, though! Come to think of it, that night in Prague was a weird, gross hangover too. Maybe I need to stop drinking absinthe. PFFFFFFFFFFT, never. ↩︎

An underrated fucking brilliant movie. And the last time anyone could tolerate Ben Affleck in anything. ↩︎

I especially loved Sandoval rubbing his forehead in disappointment and saying, “this never would have happened under my watch.” If you have to treat your friends in the same way you treat an infant or a puppy, get new friends. ↩︎

I don’t know how Katie spells her full name but I’m assuming it’s like this. ↩︎

[darkstrangevirgilanxiboi]

Notes From Someone Who Grew Up With An Autistic Brother

My brother is autistic. And if you've never met anyone with autism , you might be misinformed about how autistic people are. My brother is NOT: * Stupid * Unwilling to learn * Misbehaved * A 'forever child ' My brother is a smart MAN. He's gonna be 22(?!?! I'm crying he's so big now I'm so proud ?) next week on the 13th . Anyway here's some things I want you to know about my brother Josh , his autism , AND HOW IT DOES NOT ALL MAKE HIM A BURDEN OR A PROBLEM OR ANY LESS OF A GREAT PERSON ( if you don't like my brother or autistic folks , fight me ) ( FIGHT ME, I MEAN IT, I'LL SWING ON YA RIGHT NOW DENISE) - Firstly ya gotta know autism is a spectrum and it affects everyone differently so this isn't a go-to post for every autistic person / curious person - Second , autism affects social skills. People with autism are more likely to have social anxiety, have speech impediments , and tend to function poorly in crowds . But!!! If you work really hard to become friends with someone with autism ? They're probably gonna love you for life? My brother is shy as hell but if you are patient and are nice to him and listen to him when he talks he's gonna respect you so much? People tend to interrupt my brother, he stutters a lot when he talks and repeats himself. But if you show enough respect and let him say what he needs to , he'll like that. And once you're friends ? He info dumps so much on you that you forget he's a shy mess in public .( get him going about Power Rangers and he's absolutely adorable he gets so detailed and so pumped ! ) Honestly just be nice enough to spend quiet time getting to know what they like and what makes them comfortable and they'll warm up to you. I remember the first conversation I ever had with my brother was about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I was like five? He was four. Until that day he didn't really talk to me. But it was rainy that morning , mom was still asleep and dad was at work . Josh was in his room watching the show when I wandered in with my cereal bowl in hand. He glanced at me , and quietly goes " Wanna watch ? It's funny! There's a real smart guy who I think you'll like. " And so, I sit down and a few minutes later I'm listening to my brother gush over characters and plot and bad guys and at one point he hugged me and said " Thanks for listenin', mom and dad don't" And from that day on , I tried harder to get to know my brother. He's a sweetheart who loves unusual trivia , mysteries, animals ( no really he's got books on animal trivia ) and watches everything from historical documentaries to fan theories on his favorite shows. HE INTRODUCED ME TO BLEACH, HE GOT ME INTO ANIME YOU GUYS Honestly I've bonded so much with him over shows and characters and I've learned a lot about him by watching his reactions over the years. I have a lot of feelings about Dragon Ball Z and the Ninja Turtles because those two shows were what my brother and I first watched together , and we had such deep chats during commercials . My brother relates to Michelangelo and Raphael the most because he says ' I get Raph, you know? He doesn't know how to ....how to say....how to feel out loud, right? He doesn't know the rules to feelings. And Mikey's lonely because he just wants people to like him for himself but it's hard because the world sees him as wrong even though it's not his fault and he didn't want to be different. I feel like that because people... People look at me like they want me to be this one thing , and I can't be , so they're mad and disappointed. I'm not normal to them , but I...I mean ? I'm normal for me! This is my normal, and everyone is normal in a special way. " During Dragon Ball Z, he suddenly goes : " Do ...do you think people would ... You think if they could see the world the way I do....you think they'd pick having autism? I know everyone without it thinks it's bad, but ... But sometimes I like being autistic. I like the way I notice background noise , or the details on someone's face, or all the ways something feels. I dunno I think maybe I get to know the world a lot better ? " - Emotional difficulty. My brother has trouble expressing and reading emotions , that's true. But he understands them. And he taught me a lot of lessons. My brother gets angry with himself a lot because he can't communicate what he needs, but he tries super hard not to hurt anyone with his anger. He'll throw a tantrum in his room , but he avoids other people until he's calm enough not to just blindly lash out. And when he'd bicker with my sister , and things got physical ( like siblings fights do ) he was always very careful not to hit her. Sometimes he'd lightly slap her arm or hand if she hit him , but he didn't raise a fist to her. And he'd just let her work out her anger and then hug her when she was done. ' I know you weren't upset at me and it's okay to be upset , but don't hurt anyone when you're upset anymore , you don't think right when you're mad. ' - Hyper focusing is a thing and sometimes it's no fun to deal with. Tv portrays it as cute hobbies or interests but it's also times when my brother couldn't sleep because the number of tree branches outside his window changed. It's my brother not being able to relax unless his collection of comfort toys are all on his bed. It's my brother breaking down in tears because his lucky childhood lion stuffed animal was falling apart and he was convinced he wasn't going to have any more good days in his life. ( my grandma mended it it's ok) My brother binges shows all day and doesn't remember to eat sometimes. Hyperfocusing can be cutesy but it can also be very serious . - Hyper Sensitivity is weird because some days ? My brother is fine and doesn't care what he wears or what he eats. But other days he won't wear anything too scratchy , or he won't eat anything too crunchy , or he won't leave the house because the wind is too much. I'm used to it , but to my childhood neighbours my brother seems eccentric and bizarre . - Physical Affection ALWAYS. ASK.FIRST.WITH.AUTISTIC.PEOPLE. I never hug my brother unless I ask him first or he initiates it. If I hugged him without permission , he'd get a panic attack and freeze up. He just doesn't like surprise touch. But once he lets you hug him ? It's the best! He gives such affectionate hugs and honestly for a minute in his arms my depression is cured. Just ask first to grab their hand or tap their shoulder or pat their head. It gives them more control over their environment and it shows you respect them. - Don't try to correct their stims or coping mechanisms. SERIOUSLY I'VE SEEN PEOPLE DO THIS SHIT TO MY BROTHER My brother wrings his hands together and makes noises to relive stress or work off extra energy, and he also talks to himself.( usually an ongoing role play in his head ) A lot of autistic people do things like this. It's called 'stimming'. I don't understand why running his fists against his forehead eases his anxiety when he's upset, but I don't tell him not to do it because that's how his brain tells him to calm down. If you take away their stimming, you take away their normal way of dealing with stress and emotions . Let them stim , maybe try to lessen the damage if it's a harmful stim ( biting fingers, pulling hairs, knocking head against things ) ,but let them stim! And!!! Stims!!! CHANGE!!!! My brother used to say things four times when he was upset because his nickname is four letters ( his full name is Joshua ) and the way he explained it was " if I hear why I'm mad four times it gives me four chances to settle down " He doesn't do that anymore. Now he just repeats the words " It's stupid , I'm stupid for being mad " until he calms down. In public his stimming is different - he'll twist a corner of his shirt in his hands or hum under his breath or nod a lot. When he's super anxious he paces endlessly and can't seem to move fast enough to please himself. Sometimes he'll just run through the house until he's calm. I've seen my own dad tell him not to pace ! It calms him down and it's not hurting anyone let him pace jfc -They don't always tell you but they listen My brother knows the rude things people say about him. He listens to people talking to try and learn how to talk better , and he hears . He hears the insults , the jokes. He knows the math teacher thinks he's a retard. He knows the other kids make fun of his stutter. He sat in the lunchroom and listened to those around him making fun of him. He KNOWS. And he avoids being friends with anyone who'd mock him while he was a mere fifteen feet away. Anyway please be kind to autistic people and their families . But also be looking out for autistic people who don't have good families,whose families are ashamed of their autism.