#ANYWAY SOMEONE REMIND ME I CAN JUST FALL BACK ON THAT IN A PINCH

[vellichorom]

" thought about changing thierry's name " i said, completely forgetting about

[seeingivy]

core memories

ryomen sukuna x f!reader

**part of my best friends (older brother) fic

previous part linked here

--

sukuna feels like he’s peeled off a layer of skin after that night. it all culminated into this thing for him - that raw tenderness associated with a deeply painful childhood memory, the warmth of a date in your hometown, and the fact that you crawled into the bath with him, just to hold him close. 

that you let down your own wall just because you were so eager to crawl into his. 

it’s why he feels like he’s irrevocably given some part of himself to you. at least that’s what he thinks anyways. 

and it only works – it only feels like something he desperately won’t be able to ever get back – and more importantly, wants you to keep, because the same thing happens to you (or at least he hopes it does) two weeks down the line. 

it starts out simple. 

you accidentally bleed onto his sheets during the night. 

sukuna wakes up to your side of the bed empty, and more alarmingly, the red splotch on his pristine white sheets, when he’s reminded of the memory. he can barely register it because your presence demands his attention immediately after and his throat feels like chalk.  

“hey, sukuna. can i ask for a weird favor?” you ask, peeking your head out of the doorway. 

sukuna pinches his lips together. 

“sure, angel. what’s up?” 

“can you run to the store and grab me some pads please? i didn’t realize it was already friday and that my period was going to start.” 

sukuna stands up, closing the distance before you, before he leans down to press a warm kiss to your forehead. 

“sure. what size is your pussy?” sukuna asks. 

you roll your eyes. 

“you’re hilarious. you should quit your job and start stand-up comedy.” 

“can’t exactly keep up with your expensive needs if i do that, now can i?” sukuna states, giving you a cheeky smile as you shut the door straight onto his face. 

“pads are ten dollars, sukuna.”

“i’m talking about how you linked my credit card to your doordash account and thought i wouldn’t notice.” sukuna deadpans. 

you give him a peachy smile, as you reach forward to poke his cheek. 

“have i ever told you that you’re the best boyfriend ever?” 

“nope.” 

“keep dreaming about it! i don’t plan to.” you state, giving him a wink as he all but glares at you. 

when you shut the door, sukuna’s quick to collect the sheets and throw them in the wash before his brisk walk out to the store. and he tries to figure it out – to find how exactly to make you feel the way he did that night. 

the memory’s replaying in his mind, with overwhelming detail, when he walks over there, and it sinks deeper into his chest the more detail he remembers.

of the day your dad left, when you came running over to him with blood running down your legs. 

--

you’re only reminded of the memory when sukuna comes back, with the box of pads with a heart-shaped chocolate placed on top. eerily enough, he’s nowhere to be found when you leave the shower, your skin still warm from the water as you look around. 

you unwrap the little pink foil as you pace around the flat for him, feet cold on the concrete, until you find him in the bedroom, pulling the sheets over the mattress. 

or at least attempting to. 

“want some help?” you ask. 

“i don’t need your chocolate covered hands on the clean sheets.” sukuna states, eyeing you.

“come lick it off my fingers if it’s bothering you so much.” you complain, setting the little foil on the nightstand. 

"don't tempt me."

you reach for the closest corner, pinning it down and tucking it under the mattress, as sukuna sends you a grateful smile, before throwing the other half of the blanket over to you. 

“i washed these yesterday, sukuna.” you mention. 

“yeah. um-” 

you look up at him, hands nearly trembling and the loud smacking of his phone falling out of his pocket as you walk over to his side, securing it from the floor.

it’s almost frightening – watching someone so collected fumble with their words. you figure this is how sukuna would feel if you were ever able to keep it together. 

“you okay, butter fingers?” you ask. 

“yeah. yeah, i’m fine. thanks, pretty girl.” he states. 

you hand him the phone, eyeing his shoddy work. 

“you barely even tucked the sheets in properly.” you complain, pushing him to the side, before reaching back for the blanket and smoothing it perfectly against the sheets. 

and before he can get away, you quickly reach for his wrists and pull him back. and you’re quick to nestle into his arms, digging your cheek into his shoulder as the smell of his cologne nearly obliterates your nostrils. 

“what’s wrong, baby?” you ask. 

there it is again. sukuna wants to strangle you. 

“stop fucking doing that.” he murmurs. 

“doing what?”

“y/n.” he warns. 

you pull back, bring your palms to his cheeks before squishing his face together. you can tell that he’s annoyed – and you’re entirely amused by it – as he tries to muster a sentence together through his squished lips. 

“am i supposed to read your mind, you big baby?” you coo. 

“i don’t like it when you say that.” sukuna states. 

you pause. 

“oh. i’m sorry. i just figured you were a big…pet names guy. you barely even call me by my name. but don’t worry, i-” 

“no.” 

“oh?” you ask, giving him your best smirk. 

you’re not sure how well it works when you do it. the teasing, bantering type thing when you’re trying to get him to loosen up. it had worked well enough in your favor the past few times – and you figured you’re almost…goofy charm was part of why sukuna liked you in the first place – so you’d try to use it when you could. 

“i don’t like it when you call me a big fucking baby. i'm not a fan of patronizing nicknames.” sukuna states. 

you smile. 

“but? it feels like there’s more to that statement.” 

sukuna rolls his eyes. 

“but. i like it when you call me that otherwise.” 

you tilt your head to the side. 

“okay, baby. but seriously, what’s wrong with you? you really only act like this when somethings up.” you state. 

it gets harder to hide things from you as time goes on. but that’s part of the risk anyways – of becoming so close you’re nearly intertwined. sukuna sighs, before giving you a firm squeeze at your sides. 

“i changed the sheets again because you leaked on them.” sukuna states. 

you nearly cringe, clenching your jaw. 

“ew, sukuna. oh my god. i’m so sorry, you should have told me so i could have-” 

“that’s nothing to apologize for.” he clarifies. 

“no, really. now you’re all grossed out by me so much that you’re being weird.” 

sukuna finds it irritating. you nearly find the good in everything, except for yourself. 

“i’m not grossed out by it.” he states. 

“i mean…” 

“it just reminded me. of the last time we…had something like this happen.” sukuna states. 

“the last time? we haven’t even-” 

but that’s when you remember. and the embarrassment that never really registered the first time establishes in full effect. so much so, that you have to change the topic just as fast, duck out the first chance you can get. 

--

sukuna can barely focus the entire workday. all he can think about is that memory in petrifying detail, now coupled with the fact that for the first time, he’s upset you so bad that you basically ran away from him. 

like fully went to class without even taking your backpack. because that’s how badly you didn’t want to talk to him. 

“what’s wrong with you?” 

sukuna looks up from his monitor to find shoko peering over at him from his desk, shifting a lollipop around in her mouth. 

“nothing.” 

“you look like you have a stick up your ass.” she states. 

“it takes one to know one. how’s your little situationship going?” 

shoko rolls her eyes. 

“perfectly fine. how’s your girlfriend?” 

“would it kill you to mind your own fucking business sometimes?” 

shoko smiles, before gesturing for suguru and satoru from the desks over. nanami’s too civilized for these type of things – which is why he’s the only person that’s not on sukuna’s hit list. 

sukuna can nearly feel his nostrils flaring the second satoru starts talking, the overwhelming urge to gouge his eyes out extremely powerful for nine in the morning. 

“trouble in paradise?” satoru asks, a sing-song voice in his tone. 

“something that’s familiar to you, i’m sure.” sukuna murmurs. 

“hey! you don’t have to be a dick.” satoru whines. 

sukuna rolls his eyes, nearly breaking the keys on his keyboard. 

“what happened? she realized she’s too good for you or something?” shoko states. 

“did she get weirded out because she basically used to be like your little sister?” satoru asks. 

“she was never like my little sister. and she’s only two years younger than me.” sukuna clarifies. 

“oh, we know all about that. you’ve always been our little happy camper when it comes to her.” satoru chides, earning him a fit of laughter from the group. 

the closet thing in sukuna’s vicinity is a stapler. luckily for him, satoru doesn’t see it coming at all and it hits him square in the face. that earns him laughter from the group, though it’s cheapened by the whining noises that come out of satoru's mouth afterwards. 

but it’s not fault, because in sukuna’s expert opinion, he was asking for it. 

sukuna’s lucky enough that he’s been able to keep the group of them away from you for a considerable amount of time. because they’ve been holding onto one of his deepest secrets – and if they were given the opportunity – they would take every chance to mortify him and spell it out for you in detail.

when sukuna came back from europe, he figured that any rebellious streak that he had was basically out of his system. though he always had a tendency to be a little bit bold and overconfident, he’d mellowed out. at least by his europe standards anyways. 

and when he met the group of them, they took him out to a bar and asked him a simple question. though it seems rather inappropriate in hindsight, it’s literally due to the copious amounts of alcohol that they all seem to drink – and nurse him into drinking too. 

it’s not his fault he misunderstood the question. 

who is the first person you ever slept with? 

sukuna realized later that the question was who was the first person that he ever had sex with. not the first person that he ever slept next to, that he cuddled with during the night. unfortunately for him, he answered the latter instead of the former – and in his tipsiness – told the group of them all about you before he had even dated you. 

that he was counting his lucky stars when yuuji was so sick to go on the trip and that sammy hates bugs, which meant that he got to be there alone with you and the other campers. the other families – their kids were far too old, meaning that the two of you were nearly stuck together. 

you taught him how to make smores, he taught you how to catch fish – though you were never really able to do it, so he opted to do it for you. and that your camping bag seemed to be misplaced on the last night, so you shyly climbed into his tent and asked if you could stay. 

“sukuna. hey, are you awake?” 

“jesus fucking christ.” 

sukuna watches as your eyes widen and you cower away with an apologetic look on your face, as you put your hands up. 

“sorry! i didn’t realize you were sleeping.” 

“my eyes were closed.” 

“okay, well. i kind of knew you were sleeping. but i need to ask for a favor.” 

“what’s wrong?” 

“i can’t find my camping bag. and my tent is so dinky that it doesn’t have the padding on the bottom, so it’s just the cold, muddy floor.” you murmur.

sukuna fights the urge to smile fully. whatever was responsible for ruining your sleeping bag was getting his full praise the next morning. 

“okay. scoot in.” 

“huh?” 

“well, i’m not going to let you sleep on the fucking floor without a blanket. and i’m not giving up my own either, because i don't like you that much, so just come here.” 

you wince. 

“really? is that not weird?” 

“i’ve known you since you were a fucking toddler, basically. i’ve watched you cry more times than i can count, seen you burp more than yuuji, and i’m convinced you farted in front of me one time.” 

the agitation in your face is almost funny.

“are you stupid, sukuna? i don’t fart.” 

“that’s biologically impossible.” 

“no, it’s not. you probably heard yuuji and thought it was me.” you state. 

“for the record, you most definitely did. just don’t fart on me in the night and we’ll be fine.” sukuna states. 

you roll your eyes as you discard your little camping pants, unaware of the way sukuna’s heart has just constricted in his chest.

maybe he would have taken the floor if he knew you were planning on sleeping in butterfly printed shorts. 

“well, now i’m going to wait and aim my fart right at you when it happens.” you respond, as you tuck yourself into the bag, pressed right up against him in the cold. 

"I thought you didn't fart."

"i'll adapt just to attack you with it."

his arm finds it’s way around you, the space so constricted that you almost had to intertwine to be any semblance of comfort. and it’s in the dim light of the little lantern that you find yourself face to face with sukuna, for what feels like the first time ever. 

his nose is nearly brushing against yours, the minty smell from his toothpaste nearly overwhelming. 

“sukuna?” 

“yeah?” he whispers. 

“thank you.” 

sukuna hopes that your head resting against his pounding chest doesn’t keep you up all night. 

“earth to fucking sukuna.” satoru states, shaking his hand in front of his eyes. 

he has a death wish. suguru must know that all too well, because he’s shooing shoko and satoru’s nosiness away, before he pulls up into the chair next to him. 

“alright. what happened?” suguru asks. 

“i just…brought up something from when we were kids by accident. about the day her dad left. and-and she was so shocked that she basically fucking ran out the door, to class, without taking her backpack because i upset her that badly.” sukuna grates. 

suguru’s mouth pinches into a line, before he leans his chin against the backs of his hands. 

“didn’t you say that she was really hard to read?” he asks. 

“sometimes.” 

“think you just caught her off guard. especially if she wasn’t thinking about it before. i think you should just send her a text to tell her to spend the night and that you can either talk about it or never bring it up again. you should let her make the call.” suguru states. 

“you don’t think i should….fucking leave her alone or something? she probably hates me for all i know.” 

“i don’t think you’re giving her enough credit. you’re her boyfriend. maybe she wants to talk about it now. especially if you were there – and now she’s reminded of it.” 

sukuna ponders the thought as suguru gives him an enthusiastic thumbs up, before he starts yanking on shoko and satoru’s ears in the periphery. 

he decides to jump. 

dear diamond of the season,  i’m sorry about this morning. i just brought it up on a whim and we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. but also if you feel the need to let it out, my time is always yours anyways.  (please come home tonight or i will never recover emotionally)  (i am kidding. you’re free to take time to yourself if you need it. but also i’ve become too used to sleeping with you next to me and i will shave my head if you don’t come back.)  (am also curious how you are faring in class without a pencil, a notebook, or a laptop. you push the limits everyday, baby.) groveling on my hands and knees,  sukuna 

the response is fast. 

dear gentle reader, so much to unpack in one email. WHEN DID YOU WATCH BRIDGERTON?  (if you watched it for the period piece porn and not the romance, immediate breakup)  caught me a little bit off guard, but not in the bad way. kinda got stuck in my head about it all so…would be kind of nice to talk about it i guess? idk. i’ll see how i feel.  (and yes, i’m coming home, silly. i can’t stay away from my alpha wolf (insert barking sounds) for so long :D)  (shave your head and i will never fucking recover. i won’t talk to you till it grows back.) (i took notes on a napkin. not one of my finest moments, but i think it’s a testament to the versatility of women.)  just pooped in library bathroom,  y/n 

--

you come home to find sukuna at the stove and immediately press yourself flush to his skin. looping your arms around his torso, pressing your cheek to his bare skin – one of the few moments you can appreciate that he never really wears a shirt – as you sigh. 

“hi stinky.” you coo.

“absolutely not.” 

“boo. it’s romantic!” you whine. 

sukuna turns around, before cupping his fingers around your chin and tilting your face up. there’s a tired smile on your face – barely any makeup and your glasses instead of your contacts – that has him reeling. 

“how was your day, stinky?” he asks.

“the first day’s always the worst. feel like i have no energy.” you respond, leaning your head against his chest. 

“luckily for you, we’re having breakfast for dinner. and i have pain killers if it gets bad.” 

you smile.

“i’m starting to think you only know one fact about me and it’s that i like french toast.” 

“har har har. you’re hilarious, y/n!” he deadpans, flicking your forehead. 

he shoos you away, gesturing for you to go change, as he starts plating the food. and when you come back, the two of you cuddle under the blanket on the couch, with your plates warm in your hands. 

you look at the screen and promptly skip the scene. 

“hey.”

“why can’t we watch season two of bridgerton?” you ask. 

“because we’re watching it from the start together.” 

“there’s just so much…porn. and enemies to lovers is better than fake dating.”

“sweetheart. you’re like missing half of the plot when you skip those scenes.” 

“we’ve watched it before! i’m going to kill you.” 

sukuna rolls his eyes, before reaching for the remote and switching to the second season. and well into the third episode – dirty plates stacked on top of each other on the ottoman – sukuna’s fingers running through your hair beckon you to talk. 

“sukuna.” 

“hm, baby?” 

“do you ever think about how knowing each other before has like….impacted our relationship?” you ask. 

he looks down at you, concentration from the screen broken. 

“sometimes. what are you thinking about?” 

sukuna reaches forward, pushing your glasses back to the bridge of your nose. 

“when you date other people, you kind of have to explain everything to them. shitty dads, complicated sisters…i feel like we skipped that part. but it’s also more complicated, because you have your own opinions on everything that happened because you were there too.” you murmur. 

“works in our favor too. i could never be as close to someone as i am to you. they’d never understand the depth of anything i told them, not like you would because you were actually there.” 

you nod. 

“that’s true. there’s nothing like understanding that my dad has hurt me than being the one who had to pick me up after that…” 

sukuna leans his head against the top of yours, your eyes lazily fixed on the screen, but not focusing. 

“can you tell me what you remember from that day?” you ask. 

sukuna hums in response. he’s not sure where that block in his throat came from and the wavering in his voice almost embarrasses him. 

“we could always hear them fighting. from the kitchen especially, since our windows were always open. and it was particularly loud that day.” sukuna starts. 

you can feel his hold on you tighten, the hand skirting underneath your shirt hard on your skin. 

“my mom and i knew something was wrong when we heard sammy. and then you. you…your voice was so small compared to his that…that it fucking scared me. it reminded me of yuuji…when he fights with our dad. my first thought was to go over there and fight him myself for you.” sukuna states. 

“you just wanted an excuse to fight with adults. especially at that age.” 

sukuna knows the joke is a deflection. your heart is barely in the statement. 

“and then i heard sammy crying and my heart dropped. i’ve…i’ve seen you cry plenty. but sammy’s so put together, tries so hard to be, that when she let it go, i was shocked. my mom kept telling me not to listen, that it was rude, but i was basically sticking my head out the window at that point.” 

you pinch your eyes for what comes next. 

“the doorbell rang and you were there. you…you were crying so hard and there was blood running down your legs. i almost called the police because i thought you were hurt.” 

“to be honest, i thought i was too. i’d never really gotten my period before, and i knew what they were, but i…i was so shocked when he was gone that i barely processed it.” you murmur. 

sukuna squeezes your arm. 

“i didn’t know that was your first period.” 

you tilt your head up, looking at his brown eyes. 

“yeah. your mom was the one who taught me….all the pads and tampons stuff. chocolate for cramps and all that. she actually did pretty well – considering the fact that she had to check on sammy and my mom after that too but still make me comfortable.” 

“i’m glad. it seemed so confusing to me at the time – when she sent yuuji and i to the store to grab the pads for you. i feel like she just didn’t want us there to...to not have two more people to worry about. and we really didn’t want to leave you. we basically ran to the store, through the aisles, before we got there and realized there’s like a hundred fucking brands of pads with different like…options and shit.” 

“feels like a good time to mention that you have a very good y/n-radar. you got the right ones this morning.” 

he smiles, his eyes focused on the table as he mindlessly runs his fingers through your hair. 

“you’re forgetting the good parts.” you state. 

“and what’s that?” 

you smile. 

“i know for a fact that your mom used to give you pocket money. and that you and yuuji saved it all to buy candy and chocolate. and you always used to keep it saved, for when you really wanted it, whereas yuuji ate it right away.” 

sukuna scoffs. 

“and then he had the fucking audacity to complain. like maybe if you didn’t eat it all at once, it would have lasted longer, dipshit.” 

you lightly shove him. 

“you’re such a meanie. we were like babies.” 

“shut up. keep going.” 

“you shared your chocolate with me. it was a hershey’s with almonds in it. and when i curled my nose at that, you gave me a whole spiel about the very refined world of chocolate with nuts in it. about how the smooth silkiness of the chocolate was the perfect juxtaposition to the crunchiness of the nut.” 

sukuna smiles. 

“that sounds inappropriate, baby.” 

“get your head out of the gutter. it was sweet. that you shared with me. made me smile. i’ve always felt like i’ve always got some lingering feelings for you but if i had to pinpoint it, that was probably when i started falling in love with you. and granted, that was so….juvenile at that point. i was like a teenager but…it does feel the same as it did then compared to now. falling in love with you.” 

sukuna’s quiet. you look over to find him staring at you, his breaths so slow that it catches you off guard. and before you can even asks what’s wrong, he’s looped his hands under your thighs, pulling you straight onto him to straddle his lap. 

you place your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself, cheeks burning at the way he’s looking up at you. 

“what did you just say to me?” he asks, voice quiet. 

“what?” 

“repeat. what you said.” 

that’s when you realize it. 

“oh, fuck. sukuna. i don’t want to rus-” 

“repeat it.” 

you swallow hard. 

“i…i’m falling in love with you?” 

“that sounds like a question.” 

“sukuna.” you whine. 

“say it right.” he demands. 

you bite into the softness of your cheek, taking a deep breath, before you dig your fingers into the indents of his shoulders. 

“sukuna. i’m falling in love with you.” you murmur. 

sukuna’s eyes soften, his gaze so honey sweet and warm, that you can’t help but bring your hands to his cheeks. you lean closer, your faces only a few feet away from each other, as you smile back. 

“what is it?” you whisper.

“you’re falling in love with me.” he responds. like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

“that’s right.” you confirm. 

sukuna smiles, before closing the space between you, the kiss so longing that it makes the core in the pit of your stomach burn, your chest flutter. he breaks the kiss, smiling and murmuring against your mouth as you lean against his forehead. 

“thanks for finally catching up, slow-poke.” 

--

next part linked here

an: this fic is purely vibes but we die like men. sukuna when he gets arrested on the day his grandfather but y/n when she accidentally has her first period in front of sukuna when her dad left. yup.

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[ppongie]

K.MINGYU — Leavin’

“If that’s how you feel then it won’t happen again. Just get over it okay?” The last part wasn’t so necessary to say but.. at least it was all over.

He was ready to leave you alone in the kitchen, so when he took a few steps, you reached your hand out to hold his wrist. “Don’t.”

He was confused, shocked to say the least, by the hand on his wrist. “What?” He sighed out. Your lips parted wanting to say something but it seemed like your tongue was tied in knots.

He raised an eyebrow at you after waiting for less than five seconds “You got more to say?” He knew. Because your dilated pupils were shaking. “We never argue like this..” you dropped your hand from his wrist.

For some reason he missed your touch there, still feeling your hands wrapped around his wrist, like the feeling when someone’s done pinching your skin. It burned.

“We always make sure we’re okay in the end-“ “And we are-“ he cut you off to continue but you shake your head “No, we’re not.”

It was already hard for him to deal with his emotions but this conversation with you was harder to get out of. “I was going to leave you, gyu…” you remind him.

The sight of you grabbing your bags and throwing your clothes in. “I don’t know how you got this stubborn.” Did it take two years to put out the spark you two once had? Never knew there was a time limit to your love.

“I’m not stubborn,” now he’s being defensive. “It’s just..” he paused and by the look in your eyes, you wanted to know what he was going to say next.

Instead, he looks down at you. As if his time with you is running out. Everything came back to his senses once he realized that his choice of words, and actions, were all awful.

He never thought about your feelings in the process of it. He knew by then he’d lost you. His eyes went glossy so he looked the other away. “Never mind.” He stopped himself from saying anything further. Knowing if he kept going, he’ll keep fucking things up.

You only stayed quiet, you should’ve seen it coming. Him bottling up his feelings not wanting to be vulnerable with his emotions. Showing raw emotions wasn’t his thing. You should’ve left.

“If that’s how things are going to be between us, not solving anything and just ignoring each others feelings- I..”

Mingyu knew this was coming, but today?

He shook his head and now it was his turn to grab your wrist. “No don’t do this.” He held your hands and you tried pulling away from him. “I can’t Mingyu.”

No more gyu or other pet names will fall from those loving lips of yours that he adores so much. “Let me go.” You say in pure sadness.

Suddenly he felt like he was on quicksand. The world swallowing him whole and he can never reach to you. Ever.

“My bags are already packed. I’m going to Lia’s place.” He then followed you behind once you were making your way towards the bedroom.

“I’m sure you want the bed to yourself- it’s been a rough night.” You kept talking as your feet walked through the hallway where you two would often make out, make love- where you actually felt loved by him.

He didn’t reply to your words, the sounds of his footsteps behind you were the only response.

“I’ll get my keys, I’ll drive myself there.” You quickly say so he wouldn’t get the chance to offer. Not that he wanted to anyway.

He called you by your favorite nickname so you’d look at him, but your back was protecting you from seeing his face.

You let the tears stream down your cheeks as your shaky hands were trying to find your car keys. “You’re not leaving the house-“ “yes I am!”

“No you’re not!” He slammed his fist on the vanity table.

This was his first time being so loud, making you flinch. You slowly turn to him and he looked like a mess, just like you.

He repeats his words, calling you by your nickname as well “You’re not leaving me here. It’s two am. and who knows what the streets are doing-“

“I’ll be fine-“

“No, you won’t be.”

“..I’ll be fine-“

“It’s too dangerous out there.”

“I said, I’ll be fine-“

“You wont be safe!”

“This house isn’t safe anyway!”

You two exchange similar looks, both were scared. Should one hold the other? Should this argument continue? Who knows, but what you do know is that the two of you were tired.

“I’m tired of taking the blame all the time.” Your voice small, slowly you can hear the cracks forming in his heart just by looking at how miserable he is.

“I’m..”

Is he going to say it? Is he going to say it because you told him to, or is it because he really cares..

You. don’t. know.

“I’m sorry” he breathed out and your hand found the keys in your drawer. Taking it, you picked up your bag. “Should’ve said it sooner.”

He stood there in his place even when you left the house, the house you two made memories in. Walking away from him felt wrong, because he wasn’t chasing after you anymore.

Maybe that was a sign. That he was, and will never be, good for you.

part 1

part 2

[argentiluver]

Cowboy || Boothill x G/N Child! Reader (PLATONIC) - Honkai Star Rail

After he had lost his precious daughter during the IPC attack on his planet, it was no surprise Boothill would be oddly overprotective over his dear ones. Especially over you.

You were a child much like Boothill’s daughter, but you being only a tad bit older since she was only a few months old at the time. Once you had came in, Boothill made a silent vow to himself that he would protect you like you were his child, not even letting you out of his sight for a second. He just didn’t want to lose you like he lost his little girl is all!

Which was quite ironic as he had first met you through aiming his revolver at your head, thinking you were someone here to collect his bounty, only to see it was literally just a kid. He still remembers the way you almost passed out. Poor you.

So no wonder Boothill almost lost it when he noticed your tiny footsteps weren’t heard behind him anymore, what’s left of his heart instantly dropping.

Panic struck as he looked around frantically, cursing (or at least trying to) himself out for not keeping a closer eye on you while a million thoughts of what could possibly happen without his supervision on you raced through his head.

What if you had gotten seriously hurt?

What if something—or someone—took you?

What if you were stuck somewhere, stranded with a bunch of people you didn’t even know?

It was odd to see the infamous Galaxy Ranger; Boothill getting all worked up and worried over some missing kid. Why’d he care so much anyway? Was it something about you? Did he just oddly grow attached?

Or did he simply view you as someone he once cradled before it was snatched away from him abruptly?

“Mr. Boothill!”

Instantly, Boothill stopped in his tracks, pausing his search for you and spinning his head towards the familiar small voice. There you were; all safe and sound, but with tears falling down your chubby cheeks as you raced over to him.

Boothill dropped to his metallic-like knees and caught you in his arms tightly, feeling your tight grip around his shoulders as you hugged him, burying your face into his shoulder.

“I told ya not to wander off, didn’t I? To stay close to me? You could’ve gotten hurt all alone like that, you lil’ brat…” Boothill would lightly scold you, standing up while lifting you in his arms, holding you close and pinching your cheek in a scolding matter.

His grip around you was tight as if he were worried that if he let go—you’d vanish without a trace.

A hiccup left you in response, struggling to put your words together to which Boothill began to rub the small of your back as a way to calm you down, “I-I didn’t mean to…! I-I just really wanted that plushie—hiccup—over there…!” Boothill watched as your shaky finger tried pointing in the direction of the toy stand, pointing in the wrong direction in the process. But he still knew what you were referring to.

You were clearly referring to that cowboy plushie you spotted while you were walking with Boothill earlier, the one that you couldn’t avert your gaze from which Boothill also called “just a mini, knock-off” version of him. It’s quite obvious that you only wanted it because it reminded you of Boothill.

“But-but when I looked back to you, you weren’t there anymore…!”

You broke out in another fit of sobs, hugging his neck tighter, your cheeks all stained with your tears, and your nose stuffy. Your head was even beginning to throb from how much you were crying.

“You mean that little cowboy you kept lookin’ at? You got your own real-life cowboy though, don’t you?”

“Nuh-uh! I want the plushie, so I can have two of you!”

At your silly words, Boothill had to bite his lip from letting out a snicker, knowing you’d probably get even more upset, and instead decided to indulge you, “Fine, if you want it so bad that you nearly made me pop a screw, I’ll buy you it.” Boothill reassures, wiping that small tear threatening to slip down your cheek away with his cold hand. You can only sniffle and quietly nod in a meek way, rubbing your eyes.

Before Boothill can move however, you suddenly cupped his cheeks with your small hands which was pretty much the only part of his body he can feel you touch, causing him to pause and look down at you. You knocked your head against his and mumbled, “You’re my real papa, Boothill…My only papa…” You ask with a small sniffle, patting his cheeks.

Boothill stood there, stunned for a brief second before he quickly regained his composure, and sent you a toothy smile that showed off his razor sharp teeth, “What a sweet lil’ thing you are…You certainly got a way with words, don’t you?” He ruffled your hair and placed his hat directly on your head to which it fell right over your eyes, causing you to quickly try and adjust it with a small yelp as Boothill made his way over to the stand you were whining about.

This time, he was sure he wasn’t going to let you out of his sight—no matter how much you whine for him to let you run around. He already lost one kid of his, he can’t lose another one.

clara and svarog 2.0 fr

[gayerthanevertbh]

break me.

natasha romanoff masterlist | navigation

summary: she didn’t mean to hurt you, or at least that’s what you think.

warnings: cheating, g!p natasha, phone sex, heavy angst, and no happy ending - 18+ minors dni. 

notes: i’m sorry

big shout out to an anon who gave me an idea about a breaking up scenario, i love you for that!

"Thanks for letting me in," Natasha said, her voice hoarse and her eyes brimming with tears before she arrived. I sat on the other side, not wanting to think about her. I know I'll become attached if I do. She sat on her favorite leather couch, her body trembling as she smelled the rose from the candle. She was reminded of my clothes, my hair, and the entire house by the scent. She was aware that it was my favorite scent. “I never thought I’d be back in this house.”

I evicted her a few months ago, but I was eager to hear her confess what she had done wrong. Wanting to know that she did all of that, knowing that she'll eventually lose me. Her gaze trailed up to meet mine, but when she saw how unconcerned I was, she returned her gaze to her hands.

“Do you want a glass of water?”

"I—" she pauses, solemnly shaking her head. “N-No, thank you.”

“This is your house,” I pointed out, as a matter of fact. “There’s a bottle of water in the fridge.”

“I’m alright, Y/n.”

You have no idea how much you scarred my heart, how much I want to hurt you right now. Maybe even scream at you if I have the energy, but I choose to be modest with you. Because I know I’m the bigger person in this situation.

There was a long awkward silence as we waited for someone to speak up about the situation we were in. I turned away from her and focused on the cactus plant that was isolated by the wall's corner. I could hear her sniffling, but I didn't dare to look at her. I used to have a pure heart, one that was kind and loving. But as soon as she hurt me, and ruined me, I could barely look at myself back then because of her.

Her jacket smelled strange; it was smokier and smelled awful in my nostrils. But she always wears smoky perfumes, so I didn't see what the fuss was about.

But this scent is distinct, far distinct from her other perfumes. And there was a small circular pink mark on her collarbone. I knew it wasn't from me because we hadn't had sex in a year. She was always working, mostly on missions that required her to fly out of the country. She could have been gone for weeks, even months — and my arms were always open when she returned. We used to be a happy couple, with a lovely and exceptional marriage. But everything seems to fall apart when she becomes more focused on her work, never on me.

“Tash?” I looked up at her, and I could see those mysterious deep-looking eyes that she used to have when she looked at me. "Did you get into a fight?"

She only chuckles, but in a slur, and replied: “No, why would I get into a fight? You know I’m not like that.”

“But—”

“Can I wash up?” She fully discloses the situation and walks to the bathroom, removing her jacket almost shamefully and tossing it in the basket. “You can go to sleep, I’ll be up late anyway.”

I didn’t manage to speak up and instead sighed, nodding my way back into our bedroom to get some rest.

"My love, I hurt you, didn't I?"

She could hear the venom in my voice as I chuckled, "Numerous times, Nat," and I answered.

"Don't call me that," she pinches her temple, searching for my eyes, but I couldn't look her in the eyes. Not when she has harmed my skin and my beating heart. “Baby, look at me.”

“That’s a hard task.”

“I don’t love her.”

“Oh please—”

She gets to her feet and knelt between my legs, grabbing my hands and placing them near her chest. "I don't!" she exclaims, tears streaming down my wrist. "I was just... confused. Okay? I was very lost; I thought I had lost you, so I went to Jamie because she reminded me of you!"

My rage erupted within me, causing me to yell at her.

“You know that’s not true, Natasha!”

"But it's true," she whimpered as she stood up again, wiping her tears with the cardigan I used to wear whenever I missed her. Does she ever wash it? Is she missing me? What is going through her head? "Every time I looked at her, it was all you—"

“Stop it, right now.”

“And whenever she would laugh, I could hear your laugh,” Natasha’s breath hitched. “Everything she does reminds me of you because it felt like our marriage died when we stopped having sex.”

I rose up from the couch and pointed my index finger at her, saying: “But you CHOSE that! You can’t say that everything that she does reminds you of me when you’ve obviously fallen in love with her!”

“This dick is too big for you, huh?”

“You want this? Do you want this down your throat? Beg for it, sweetheart.”

I awoke a few hours later to a strange sound coming from the office room. When I looked to my side, there was no space. I assumed she wanted a couple of beers before going to bed because it helps her sleep. I got up from rose from the mattress and exited the room, the sound becoming increasingly clear. The door slightly gaped, and I peeked at it, only to see what I didn’t expect to see.

“You like this?”

Natasha's sweatpants were undone, and her breathing pattern had shifted. She was furiously stroking her cock while her eyes were fixed on the screen of her phone. I wanted to leave her alone because I wasn't in the mood to help her, but when I looked closely at her phone, I noticed she was on a video call with another girl.

Who isn’t me.

“Play with your clit for me,” Natasha begged, her voice getting louder. “Ugh, want to be inside you again so bad…”

I wanted to scream, that’s all I wanted to do. I wanted to storm in, throw her phone against the wall, and slap her across the face. The girl looked young on the screen, almost passing my sister’s age. I was guessing she was 19 or 20, but I couldn’t care less. Does she know Natasha was married? How did they meet? Or maybe she was some girl that she met at a beer, and decided to fuck her instead of me.

“I-I want to cum,” she was whimpering, and I wanted to look away. I felt ashamed for my wife, including myself. “Natty, can I please cum?”

“I want to cum first,” Natasha’s voice starts to stutter and I watch as she had orgasm, moaning the girl’s name. “Oh, baby! That’s it, watch me as I fill you up.”

She cleaned up herself after that, spending a few minutes with the girl on the phone. I hear her say, “I love you, baby. I’ll spend the rest of my life with you?”

“Aren’t you married? What about her? She’s going to devastate if you ever—”

“Don’t mind her, little one,” she sighs, grabbing the glass of her scotch. “She will never know about us.”

“I’ve only fallen for you in my life,” I stared at her with my tired eyes. I wanted to scream at her and throw her clothes out the window before I did something even worse than what I was already doing. She shakes her head and sobs loudly before falling to her knees again. "It was always you, my love. No one could ever replace that.”

Pathetic.

“Well, you’ve certainly changed that when you loved Jamie.”

I decided to conduct my investigation a few weeks later. Jamie was her name, and she lived near the Avenger's house. I saw her and Natasha chatting in a driveway near her house. When I met her, a cousin of hers informed me that she was only 19 years old. Natasha met me when I was around 19, almost in my twenties. Was that her range now? Dating girls, who used to be my age? I and Jamie were only a few years apart in age, and I realized Natasha was having sex with this girl to romanticize the fact that I was who she was because I knew I was getting bored.

“They met at a bookstore,” was it my favorite bookstore? “I remember Natasha being so stunned by my cousin, and there was no shame in that. After a couple of weeks later, they start having sex.”

I make circular motions on my mug, as I try to calculate what month was — specifically the month that I had stopped having sex with her.

“That’s why she asked me if birth controls were effective,” the other cousin said, shaking her head — almost in a profounding disgust. “She wasn’t always having sex, but this Natasha—your wife, had this big effect on her. I still don’t understand it to this day.”

“When did they start having sex?”

She sighed again, almost ashamedly, and murmured, "Last year, around January." That was all I needed to know; it was that month that we began fighting, stopped having sex, and gave each other silent treatment. "I-I was going to tell you, but I was afraid my information would be leaked to everyone. But, Y/n, I really wanted to tell you."

"It's neither of your faults," I said, my throat trembling as tears welled up in my eyes. I can't cry now, not when I feel powerless over Natasha. "She-she's a young girl; I'm not even sure she understands who Natasha is."

“What is she like, then?”

I took a step back from her, remembering how much I used to love her, both inside and outside of me. Everything I shared with her has vanished, and our marriage was almost a mistake. I knew I wasn't ready at the time, and I don't think I'll ever be able to mend my broken heart after this series of events.

“She can be a romantic,” I sniffled, looking down at my cold hands. “But she is a heartbreaker, she truly is.”

As soon as I got back home, I saw Natasha sitting on the couch with a whiskey in her hand. Her eyes looked terrible, almost as if she was hurt by someone’s words. Usually, she would never feel pain when it comes to her missions. Mostly because she knew how to handle them, but her eyes looked different. I was already guessing that it was Jamie, and not me.

“Hey,” I said, dropping my bag on the floor and sitting down beside her, pretending to be her wife just for this moment. “What’s got you crying?”

She lets out a quiet whimper and scooted a little further away from me, shaking her head with more tears welling up in her eyes. Tell me the truth, Natasha. I want you to say it, say that you cheated on me. Say that you’re a monster—

“You're wearing that cardigan again.”

It was the cardigan that she gave me when we were back in Norway, as an anniversary gift of our marriage. We looked so blissfully happy back then, we were always dancing and making love at each opportunity that we had. I wanted to smile and kiss her on her cheek, but I felt still and unhappy. I still wanted to hurt her as much as I did weeks ago.

“Yeah,” I mumbled. “You gave it.”

We fell into silence before she spoke up again.

“I have to tell you something, but promise me you will try to understand.”

I don’t think I could fake what I’m feeling because of you.

“What’s wrong?”

She placed her glass on the side table and looked at me with a darker shade of green in her eyes. I could tell she had been swarmed up with guilt and sorrow — it was starting to hurt me too. She smiled but it faltered quickly, only to hear her sobbing.

A broken sob from the antagonist.

“I love you,” she whispers under her breath, it doesn’t feel good when I hear that term. “I—I love you so much, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“Nat, just say what you need to say—”

“I got a girl pregnant.”

"How old is your infant?" I inquired, breaking the silence. Natasha raised her head briefly to look at me. She opened her mouth, but no word came out of her lips.

Where did you go?

“6 months,” she claims, her voice starting to get deeper. “It’s a girl—I’m having a baby girl.”

“Is Jamie happy with her pregnancy?” I inquired once more, curious about her secret life while I was present. I wanted to tear her apart, to destroy her sanity until she went insane. I wanted to wish her bad things, but I also wanted to never see her again.

“Yeah, she is.”

I exhaled and let out a loud cry through my lips. I burst into tears, probably because she had told me that Jamie was content with her pregnancy and that they were content with the baby together. I used to fantasize about having a child with Natasha because I knew she'd be an excellent mother. That washed away when she cheated on me, slept with someone behind my back, and fell in love while I was no longer with her. I even believe it was my fault at one point. Perhaps I wasn't always present? I pondered. Maybe I stopped giving her the attention that she needed from me, the love that she deserves.

“I will have this child, but I will come home to you,” she says, almost like a promise. She kneels down with me and cups my face, bringing her lips against mine. I was stunned, yet again. I haven’t felt her lips for a long time, and it’s making me miss her more. Does she deserve my trust? Do I want to go back with her? “I love you, sweetheart. I always have and always will, okay? Please just take me back. I’ll make everything right again!”

“I’m sorry,” she broke down on my lap, clinging to my waist as she sobs harder on my stained black shirt. “I didn’t mean to—I promise I didn’t, it just happened…”

“I know you’ve been in love with someone else, Nat.” there was no need to lie there, and I had to tell her. At some point, I almost felt bad for her more than myself. I guess you could say my morals were more intact than hers, because if she even had one, then none of this would happen. Natasha lifted her head and looked like she was going to vomit.

“What?”

"I discovered it when you two were... calling each other," I stood up, harshly removing her arms from around me, and threw a bag on the floor as I threw her clothes from the closet. She approaches me and pulls me away with a hug from behind. “Natasha, let me go.”

“Don't let me go,” she mumbles on my neck. “Please don’t make me go, I don’t know where I’ll be staying—”

“Either at the facility or your girlfriend’s house,” I replied with no emotions, still grabbing her clothes away from mine. “You decide.”

She shakes her head violently, her arms tighten around me, and I find myself unable to breathe. I wanted to cry in her arms and tell her that everything was fine and that it was never her fault because I knew it was mine. I should've been more aware of her desire to be fully present as a wife. But I failed, and I couldn't admit it to myself.

“You don’t love me or this house,” my voice suddenly changed, it was getting more aggressive as I closed the closet door with a slight whimper. “You love that girl, and you know it.”

“I promise I’ll be better,” Natasha wails, kissing my neck. “I’ll be good, I’ll be here now… okay? I love you, I love you—”

“You don’t love me, you never have!”

"Please, allow me to explain everything," I turned around, and her lips grazed mine, attempting to kiss me. My mind told me to slap her and leave the house, but my heart tells me that I love her and that I should forgive her. Except I couldn't decide. I've loved this woman since the first time I laid eyes on her, so this was a difficult decision for me. "Please sit down and allow me to explain everything, okay?"

“The divorce papers are on the dining table,” I said as I brought out two pieces of luggage from the corner. She shakes her head and touches my hand; I forgot to remove the engagement ring that I always wear, and I realize that I couldn’t let go of it. “Nat, I have to go back home, okay? They know everything, and they want me to leave.”

“O-Okay,” she nods, scratching her nose as she sighs feverishly. “I’ll see you again, okay? Let me keep your cardigan. Please? I’ll give it to you once you come back.”

Through thick and thin.

I nodded and smiled at her one last time. I leaned in for one last meaningful kiss, and I could tell she was desperate because her hand was on my neck. I could feel our tongues gliding against each other as if they were dancing as we kissed for a minute. But then I drew back and kissed her cheek, knowing it was the last time I'd ever touch her in this way.

"That's the thing, my love," I said softly, "I'll never come back."

She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Exactly.”

Natasha stayed at our—her home, with silence wrapping around her, while I left with a relative picking me up. She sat against the door and cried for hours, the regret washing over her as she realized what she had lost.

"Kotenok," she says softly in my ear, biting the lobe softly, "we're going to be happy, okay? Promise me you'll never leave."

I smiled blissfully at her, knowing that our future will be filled with joy.

“I promise, my bear.”

hehe

[astoryisaloveaffair]

Fix You - Chapter 14: Enjoy the Silence

Gif by @hunterschafer

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x Fem!Reader

Fic Masterlist

Read on A03

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»»———————►

Chapter Summary: The final heat...

Word Count: 7k

Rating: R

Chapter Warnings: Cussing, violence. I will not be warning anything else due to spoiling the story. We are all grown. You can stop reading when you want to.

A/N: Has it really been a year? I wish I had a better excuse than "I haven't been doing great." But that's what it is. I've had huge changes in my life. New job, new career, new goals, and a greater sense of self-worth. I'm feeling a lot better. But my new schedule is busy! Hopefully you can forgive me for such a long cliffhanger.

Finally, a heads up. This has been the arc I have been working towards for almost two years, and I'm not going to waver. Just stick with me like you have been. It’ll be worth it.

I also did the absolute most and made a specific playlist just for this chapter here.

Forever thank you to everyone who commented, reblogged, shared, boosted, made content for, and supported me. It meant a lot and definitely kept this fic in the back of my mind. As always, most love to my girl @musings-of-a-rose who has tolerated me being a shitty friend for a whole ass year, and always talking things through with me in life and in this fic. Cheers.

Suggested Songs: Depeche Mode "Enjoy the Silence", Fitz and the Tantrums: "Out of My League", Lizzo "Truth Hurts", Michael Kiwanuka "Cold Little Heart", Cigarettes After Sex "Cry", Guster "Demons"

Frankie and you decided to break your apartment lease starting October 1st. Fall term started on the 30th of August, and you wanted time to settle into your schedule before planning a move. You spent almost all your time at his house anyway, only stopping back at your apartment for more clothes. Frankie had already given you a row of drawers to keep your things in.

You’d honestly never been happier, both on cloud 9 and it never faded, you were incredibly excited to begin this new start with Frankie and Gabi. It all seemed to have happened so fast. It had only been five months, you hadn’t even told your family about him yet, mostly to avoid comments on the age gap. 

You were relieved the hiccup in your relationship settled, you didn’t like feeling unsure or that someone resented you. When you started feeling secure again, you clung to it. That sparkle of joy was hard to keep in check.

You picked your Fall schedule out together and spent the remaining weeks of summer basking in your relationship, playing with Gabi, going out with the guys, and constant fucking. But your most favorite thing was still lying on the couch with Frankie, teasing each other and watching bad TV.

“This is simultaneously the best and worst movie I have ever seen in my life. I don’t understand how they achieved this.”

Frankie shrugs, reaching to your lap for the giant bowl of popcorn, his eyes still glazed to the TV where Mad Max: Fury Road is playing. “I dunno. Who cares? It’s cars and chaos!”

“And Tom Hardy. And Charlize Theron.”

He pinches you on the waist, acting threatened by your thirst just to tease you. “You ever been to a demo derby? This kind of reminds me of it.”

You sit up from where your back is resting against his chest. “Um, no? Isn’t that kind of…for rednecks?”

He laughs, his eyes crinkling. “I’m not sure if you noticed, but Benny and Will are rednecks. But no, it’s for anyone who likes cars crashing into each other. There’s actually one at the fair every year. We always go to it. You should come.”

“I’m not going to a demo derby.”

“Aw come on! It’ll be fun! First time for Gabi too, and there’s rides and games and funnel cake and fried oreos—” He pauses as you hold your hand up to silence him.

“I’ll go. You had me at ‘funnel cake.’”

The fair is packed. The final hurrah of the summer before kids return to school and university students dive back into their studies. The derby started at 8 PM sharp, you, Dali, and the boys got there plenty early to look around a bit, get some food, and find seats.

You forgo any typical entree and go right for the funnel cake, heaping fruit and extra powdered sugar on it until the plate is a big mound of sweet. The guys had talked you up on this for days, Benny wouldn’t shut up about it, and you found yourself excited to watch. Your legs bounce impatiently as you scarf down your cake, breaking off pieces here and there to feed to Gabi and your boys.

The seats were bleachers, hard metal planks that hurt your butt and back and caught vibration from every footfall, but Pope sat behind you so you could lean back against his legs to be more comfortable. 

It’s a long wait. The bleachers eventually fill up, you certainly had the best seat in the house (thank you Will), and you could see the hoods up of participating cars behind the commentator podium. The air is musty, the odor of wet dirt from a quick August shower earlier that day.

When the first round of vehicles start revving their engines, Frankie pulls some earphones for Gabi and secures it to her head. Once he’s sure she’s comfortable, he quickly runs you through the basic rules. “So there’s several ‘heats’, and which heat you’re in is based on how many cylinders the car has. Last car moving is the winner, but you can’t just avoid the other cars the whole time. No continuing if your car starts sparking from the engine, no hitting the driver side door, and no hitting anyone who’s already out.” 

“Wait, cars catch on fire in this?”

Before Frankie can answer, the announcer calls out the first heat and you almost choke at the state of the cars coming out. They were completely dilapidated, windows punched out and hood frames reinforced with extra steel. It looked like each entry had about 5 different parts all from different cars, horrendous paint jobs, and one of them even had a stuffed dinosaur duct taped to the hood. Some of them looked like they had already been hit by cars, parts hanging off and bumpers pressing in on itself. None of these cars would last at all. There’s no way...

The rink was surrounded by giant cement cinder blocks creating a large “rink” type area. The contestants lined the front bumpers of their vehicles up parallel to each other at the barricades separating the cars from the bleachers, alternately revving their engines during the countdown.

“Okay, so, usually we all pick the car we think is going to win.” Benny says. You lean forward to look over the assortment of jacked up cars for this heat, eventually settling on an old Toyota Corolla painted a matte black. Benny chooses the dino car, Will chooses a Dodge Stealth with it’s headlights hanging outside the socket, Dali and Pope argue over a Ford Taurus whose back end was already smashed into the back seats, and Frankie chooses a Chevy Impala, which you immediately regret not taking because it has such a long front and back end. Lots of room for smashing and being able to keep going.

Gabi jumps up and down on Frankie’s lap as he points out things to her over the sounds of engines and a countdown, and then the cars are off off, engines roaring and dirt kicking up as they all reverse at full speed, several of them crunching up in the middle while others circle around the perimeters.

It soon becomes clear to you that there is no rhyme or reason to which car makes it and which doesn’t. Pope’s Taurus didn’t even start and is eliminated after 2 minutes of no movement, and whoever is driving the boxy piece of shit Honda Accord that Dali had to select is a fucking maniac, winding and weaving at full speed backwards, hitting whoever gets in their way. Her choice is the winner of that heat. 

Most of them are driving backwards, and Will tells you it’s because they are trying to protect the engine. You deflate in your seat a little in disappointment, but he assures you that as the heat winds down and there's fewer cars taking up the space, the drivers and announcer will get impatient and they will hit each other head to head.

You’re shocked at how much you enjoy it. At one point a car hits the passenger side door of another so hard that it is pushed up and onto the barricade wall from the inertia, hanging from an angle as the crowd jeers and shrieks in excitement. One car flips over completely, another’s engine bursts into flames and the crowd all starts crying out caution because the announcer can’t see it. You’ve never seen anything like it before and there was so much fire you were sure the whole thing would blow up, but the driver slid out the glassless driver’s side window like it was no big deal and walked it off.

There is something satisfying about two cars hitting each other at full speed, the bodies of them crunching, wheels hanging off axles, bumpers being dragged behind and run over by other drivers, cars with mangled pieces becoming stuck to each other so they can’t separate until another car hits them, tires completely gone and cars only moving on its hubs. It’s chaos in a safe format, a way to experience destruction and violence in a way that feels good and unharmful. 

Gabi has never been so amazed in her entire life, her mouth hangs open and she wriggles against her dad to see everything, laughing every time a collision happens. The audience oohs and ahhs and boos and screams and cheers and teases, you and your friends join the clamor as you have your own mini competition with yourselves.  

Giant fork tractors come into the arena area to lift the cars that can’t move anymore, some guys are able to get theirs back up and running, driving them to the sides to shape up for the final Battle Royale.

The final heat is fucking wild. All the cars that were already battered enough before they even began to come back out, returned to do another round for the final winner. With all the action you’d barely even noticed that contestants whose cars were still driveable had spent the remaining heats beyond the barricades hammering and reforming their vehicles enough to compete again. 

And at the end, the winner of all faces the crowd, pulls off their helmet to reveal a thick curly mass of long hair.  The winner is a woman. You and Dali cheer until your throats hurt.

It’s over too soon. There’s a mass exodus the instant the derby is over, the packed stadium standing and pouring down the stairs pressing so tight that you and your boys decide to hang back until it thins out. You lead the way, Frankie’s large and warm hand grazing your waist as you slowly move down the stairs and back out into the fair, turning to wait for the rest of your friends to make it out.

“What next?” Benny says when you are all reunited. “More food? Games? Rides?”

“I’m not eating more before getting on rides, let's do those now.” Says Frankie, grumbling as he hears you tease him with Benny. He whips his head around to glare at you. “Just you wait until you get older and start getting sick on rides, I cannot wait to make fun of you back.”

The wait for the ride tickets is long, but it leaves plenty of time for the group to decide how many are needed. Who is riding what, who isn’t, what pairings and who will watch Gabi on the rides she can’t do. You’re surprised when Will and Pope back out of the Zipper, leaving you and Benny as a pairing for that.

Riding it was a mistake. The ride is basically a giant airborne conveyer belt with completely enclosed containers for people hanging off it that were 360 degree capable. And it lasted FOREVER. You lose some of your funnel cake behind the ride out of sight, threatening violence on Benny if he outs you to the others. 

But it didn’t stop you from riding The Freak Out immediately afterwards, a rotating pendulum swing that made you feel like you were going to be catapulted out of your seat. The ride seated 4 groups of 4 so that in between squeezing your eyes shut, you could catch watery glimpses of Benny red-faced and cackling hysterically, Will’s chants of “ohfuckohfuckohfuckOHfuckOHFUCKOHSHIT FUCCCCCCK!”, and Frankie looking…absolutely fine. It was almost disturbing really, he was calm and collected, the only hint that this might have been something other than a nice drive in his truck was his giant smile, the tears leaking from his squinted eyes, his chocolate curls whipping around in the breeze as his hands clutch his hat in his lap with a steel grip.

“How the fuck were you so calm?!” You gasp as you stumble off the rickety landing platform. You hadn’t moved yet you felt like you had run a mile, your heart was beating so fast from the adrenaline it almost felt like you might have a heart attack. 

Frankie shrugs. “Feels like a copter in a bad air current.” 

You simply stare blinking. 

“No, he’s always like this. Like this one time, we were flying in a helo over the Andes mountains, and—”

A sharp stare from Frankie that he tries to hide from you makes Benny backpedal. 

“Uhhh yea we were flying over some mountains and the air current was wild but we got over the mountains just fine and everything was fine and we were fine.”

Your heart seizes in your chest, that same feeling of not being told something creeping up. You hate it. You push it back down, swallowing heavily to center yourself. “So I assume you were fine.”

“Yea. Yea. Cat is a good pilot.” 

You hum, the panic still not leaving your chest.

Frankie grabs your hand as you walk. “It happened a lot, I just got used to it.”

“It happened a lot?”

“Yea. I mean, sometimes we were flying through shit climates, sometimes even pursued. Doesn’t make for a smooth ride. I’m just used to it. They always scream bloody murder though.” Frankie smiles softly.

“Oh.”

You go silent, continuing to walk to the next destination: the scrambler. You had already established you would not ride and Dali wanted some funnel cake herself, so she heads off while you stay off to the side with Gabi to watch, lost in your own thoughts.

“Just don’t fucking talk about that, none of that. That never happened.” Frankie seethes to Benny as they are strapped into the ride. 

“Sorry dude, I can’t read your thoughts. I figured she knew.”

“No. I don’t want her to know. No one else needs to know about it.”

Benny falls silent, looking to Will beside him. Pope lowers his head, choosing to say nothing.

“Catfish…you have to.” Says Will.

“No the fuck I don’t. I never want her to know. If she knows…she’ll actually see ‘real me’. ‘Fuck-up me.” And I don't want her to yet. I don’t want to lose her yet. I don’t want her to be afraid. Stop fucking looking at me like that.”

They stop. But only because the ride starts, and they can’t see anything other than blurs.

You hate this feeling, this fluttering in your stomach like something is wrong but your heart knows, it knows it’s fine. It has to be. Your mind is spinning, trying to combat the rising anxiety clenching in your chest, doing gymnastics to find reasons to not be alarmed.

He’s not lying about something. He’s not. …He promised….I’m just overthinking this…

You can’t. You refuse to even think about it. Confronting the terrible possibility that you might’ve done it again, you might have thrown yourself all in to someone only to—-no. 

He’s not lying. He’s not. …He promised….he’s different. I’m just overthinking this…

You can feel butterflies bubbling in your stomach and you feel like you might throw up. Fucking men. You huff in frustration and try to distract yourself with your surroundings, watching people on rides, sharing funnel cake. Your eyes scan over two men staring at you silently by a skewered chicken cart and in your current mood it makes you furious. “What the fuck are you staring at?!” You growl at them. They say nothing and slowly walk away, disappearing into the crowd. Fucking. Men.

You try not to let your emotions show. You sit back while Gabi goes on some rides for her age, using the time to rehydrate and calm yourself down. Living through Gabi’s joy helps.. She’s having a blast, choosing a different person to pair with for each time ride. Pope in the Wacky House, the Helicopters with her dad, Benny on the mini Viking ship. Once you feel better you join in to play bumper cars (Will and Gabi win) and ride the high-rise swings with her seated in the cool metal chair next to you, Benny singing along to the ambient speakers playing “Out of My League” so loud eventually all the other teens on the ride join in.You enjoy the mini coaster more than you thought you would considering it’s for kids Gabi’s age, you and Dali are the only others who can fit in the seats, no matter how hard Benny tried. It was easy to quickly forget.

After the coaster, Gabi begins to slow down, so you hit the fried oreo stand, paying for several batches despite protestation and alternately feeding everyone as the group slowly walks through the agricultural parts of the fair. It’s calmer here, the air warm and quiet. The pathway is less crowded so Gabi is able to frolic around on the walkway in front of you safely. 

You walk through every barn, stopping to pet every animal. She’s a natural with them. Completely fearless, not one flicker of apprehension as she approaches cows and horses that are easily 6 times her height, paying close attention to her dad in how to not spook them. Everyone finds the goats to be the favorite because of the sounds they make. Even more so when Frankie engages in a screaming contest back and forth with a bunch of them until someone shoos them out of the pavilion.

Soon, all the sugar Gabi consumed rears its ugly head in the rabbit barn, she throws a fit when Frankie won’t let her get a pet rabbit and you only just catch her upper arm in time to keep her from collapsing on the filthy barn floor. You’re surprised she held out so long. Even you were crashing and getting tired. Also, the rabbits were ridiculously cute.

“Listen Gabi, how about we ride the ferris wheel? Would you like that?” You kneel before her, swiping the tears off her cheeks as she catches her breath. “It goes really high! Higher than the swings!” She nods, sniffing in a snot bubble as she takes your hand. The two of you lead the way, and as you get closer and closer, you start to regret your decision. 

It’s much taller than the Freak Out. By more than 100 feet. It doesn’t look very stable either.

“Wait...this…this looks kind of high, don’t you think?” You turn to the guys, trying to conceal the wavering in your voice. You were scared enough at 70 feet. This was more like 200.

“Height requirement says she’s fine. And it’s enclosed, goes really slow. Come on.” Frankie takes you by the hand and your heart leaps into your throat, your feet skidding across the lawn as you try to pull back. 

A light shove pushes you forward and you turn to glare at Will as he smirks down at you. “If you don’t go I’m never going to let you hear the end of it. Not after you called us “old and broken down.”

Well shit.

“Fine.”

You’re shaking when it’s your turn, the group mad dashing to three cars next to each other so you could talk throughout. Benny pairs with Pope, Gabi is vibrating with excitement as she’s put into a carriage by Will and Dali, and Frankie is beaming as he motions you towards the left car. He pats your butt as you gingerly step in, waiting until you’re seated before joining you and taking your hand. 

“Babe…are you okay?”

You swallow, grateful it’s dark enough he can’t see you trembling. “Yep. I’m good.” 

He leans forward in his seat, the glowing phosphorescence of the lights of the ride and around the fair bathing him halfway in a multicolored glow. tThe colors and shadows fold into the angles of his face like rainbow chiaroscuro, an angular stained glass window. He takes your hand again, yours is swallowed in his palm and you close your eyes as he rubs his thumb across the top. The dark beat of Depeche Mode pounds against your chest and echoes in your ears and you briefly imagine this is what it must feel like to drop acid.

“Your hands are really sweaty…and you’re breathing really fast. Are you sure you’re okay? Hey…” He squeezes your palm and you open your eyes to meet his. “It’s okay if you’re scared. I won’t joke anymore about it, I’m sorry.”

You swallow. “It’s just really really high.”

Frankie watches the ride operator out of the corner of his eye passing their car as he makes sure everyone is safely locked in before tugging on your arm slightly. You slide forward minutely, he meets you more than halfway with his large limbs and rests his hands on your hips. You gasp as the ride jolts and begins rolling, lifting the cabs up in the air. His calloused fingertip pushes your head back up.

“How about I distract you.” He murmurs, shifting forward one inch more, tilting his neck as his soft pouty lips meet yours. 

You close your eyes, trying to lose your self awareness into him and his mouth and the soft skin of his nose that bumps your cheek and tickles your nose with its little breaths. 

The lift mechanism suddenly shudders, clunking over something and it feels like when you run over a squirrel in your car. You inhale sharply against Frankie’s lips as your cab jostles back and forth. Not much, but enough for you to slam yourself back against your seat and clutch the seat bottom as hard as you can. Your heart beats wildly and you imagine the ride breaking and dropping you on the ground to be crushed to death by this stupid fucking metal cab.

You feel pressure on your knees and look down, focusing hard to not see double from fear. Frankie cups both in his hands, thumbs lightly stroking the inside of your thighs. “It’s okay.” He reassures, squeezing your knees once more. “Probably an under-greased cog, it’s nothing. They test these things like 50 times a day.”

You simply stare, forcing yourself to nod. 

“Close your eyes.”

You open your mouth to argue then close it and obey. You trust Frankie, and it can’t be any worse. 

“Just focus on me. And…you hear the music? It’s called “Enjoy the Silence.” I was obsessed with this song when it came out. And can you hear Benny below us? I can hear Gabi laughing too. We’re all okay, you’re okay too.”

You bite your lips into your mouth, focusing on the song and Frankie’s husky voice. The meditative synth pop calms you, and the carefree voices of your friends below does help calm you, but you can’t slow down your heartbeat. 

“I’m okay. Just too much adrenaline.”

The hands on your knees slide up your bare thighs and wrap around the bottoms of them. Frankie pulls you forward in your seat with a smirk. “I’m feeling a little amped up too.”

“Frankie.”

He doesn’t respond, his sole focus on your thighs as his hands slide up and up and up until he is just able to slip the tip of one of his fingers under one leg of your shorts. For some reason, it pisses you off.

“Frankie!” You hiss. “People could see us.”

“Nah…” He shushes you, his finger sliding lower. 

You clamp your legs shut and push his hand back in his direction. “Frankie, I don’t want to right here.” 

He sits up. “Oh.”

Suddenly you hear Benny’s voice from below. “Hello we are underneath you guys! I don’t want to hear any hooking up sounds!” He trolls, and you fully push Frankie back to his side, your cheeks burning in embarrassment.

It’s the first time you can remember that it’s ever been uncomfortably awkward between the two of you, and you’re not sure why. The silence seems so much more noticeable and weird against the clanking of the Ferris wheel gears and the chattering of random other people.

You’re not even looking at each other, you realize. When did that happen? Your neck cranes to the left as you gaze at the stars, and when you turn back towards Frankie, he is looking to the right and down at the fair. 

“…Is everything okay?”

His eyes snap back to yours. “Yea? Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Cause I pushed you away, and…I dunno, you’re being weird..”

“Oh, I’m sorry, that’s not intentional. I’m not upset, c’mere.” He opens his arms wide to you, scooting on his bench so there’s enough room for you.

You hesitate. “Won’t it…won’t it throw off the balance?”

You feel ridiculous asking but he doesn’t laugh at you, just shakes his head slightly. “Nah, they wouldn’t be able to run this ride if people couldn’t sit on the same side.”

You balance awkwardly on the edge of your bench overanalyzing what exact moment during the track of the ride to launch onto his, but you overthink it and end up jostling the cab more than necessary. Frankie’s arms pull you into his side and you burrow your face in his neck as the cab continues to rock. The music fades from Depeche Mode to Lizzo to Lil’ Nas X (Will clearly enjoys that one) and then back to Lizzo, and you forget all about your uneasiness.

He was right. It did feel better being with him. 

The ride does one more pass then rolls to a halt, letting off you with Frankie and Benny with Santiago. You hover at the exit for Will and Gabi, who have to wait for their cab to reach the platform before dismounting. Frankie takes your hand as you wait.

Gabby’s adrenaline rush runs out fast, and you spend the remainder of the fair eating more fried Oreos and playing games. Somehow you manage to beat them all at the water shooting game, which amps up the competitiveness to the point you’d rather just watch.

Which is how you end up at the “star” game. 

“We’re so fucking good at this game, it pisses them off every time.” Laughs Benny, as he shoots the entire Star out perfectly with the gun that is specifically not given enough ammo to achieve this. You hop up on the far side of the counter to watch, noting the way each of you boys handles their weapon and the differences in each. Benny held his gun loosely, like he was relaxed and self assured. It almost seemed like you would be able to slap it out of his hands but you knew he still had an iron grip. Will was precise and, as you expected, “perfect form”. You could tell just from Pope’s posture change that he was the best shot on the team, you’d never seen him look so focused. Frankie held his with a tense white knuckle grip, the folding stock tucked against his shoulder joint. The tension carrying up his arms as his veins popped out in his forearms and biceps. He looked fucking good. And you wouldn’t consider yourself a “gun person.” In fact, you kind of hated them. But there just was something about a strong non-douchey man holding a rifle like that that activated you. Damn the patriarchy. Even Dali is a great shot, though not as good as the guys.

After a few rounds, the carnie finally stopped allowing your posse to keep playing, frustrated that somehow the rigging system didn’t work on your group. You lean back on your hands, your legs swinging against the wood counter, observing Benny arguing with the carnie with a smirk. Gabi is passed out in her stroller next to you as Frankie sidles up to you, feeding you a piece of Fried Reeses, then promptly kissing you so the taste floats between you. 

He hums deeply, stepping closer to you til he’s between your legs. His hands rest low on the top of your thighs. “This ok?”

You smile. “Yes. More than okay. And I want more.” 

Frankie beams and cups your face, his lips crashing into yours as he all but breathes you in. You tilt your head and poke his mouth with your tongue. He responds immediately and opens for you, meeting you halfway. You whine softly as his hands leave your cheeks and trail down your back, one hand sneaking a bit lower to discreetly cup your ass. You’ve just wound your legs around his hips and your arms around his neck when you hear a shrill voice cut through the din of the dwindling crowd.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Your heart slams to a halt so fast it hurts. You recognize that voice. And so does Frankie. Your heads both snap to the left as a disheveled looking Lex stands there with a bunch of her friends.

Frankie simply stares. She repeats herself. “Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. The BABYSITTER? Are you fucking your BABYSITTER??? Oh Frankie…come on…how pathetic can you be? She’s like a child!”

You look at Frankie, receding into himself like a silent, terrified puppy. You’ve never seen him like this before, it unnerves you.

“Excuse me.” You snap back. “I am 28.”

She scoffs. I fucking knew something was going on with you two. And you’re doing this in front of my child?”

“Well, actually, Gabi is sleeping. At least she was, until you came ranting and raving.” You make eye contact with Pope, who reads your perfectly and starts steering Gabi’s stroller away so she can’t hear. “We made sure to be careful for her but why do you even care if we are fucking? You left him! You didn’t want him anymore, so it shouldn’t fucking matter who he dates.” 

“He’s a drug addict and a pathological liar. He will NEVER change.”

“Yea? And you are a drunk, controlling, OCD bitch who can’t mind her own fucking business. He’s happy with me. I trust him. Unlike you. Bye.” You couldn’t help yourself, you just fucking hated her.

But that set her off. “Did he tell you why he was suspended?”

“Yes, he—“

“Did he tell you he was high, flying a family and he almost injured everyone from a sloppy landing? Did he tell you how he would take Gabi to his drug dealers house with him? How he went on a STUPID fucking mission with these idiots to burglarize a fucking drug lord completely off paper? That I deliberately asked him not to because we had a new baby? That he crashed their helicopter, dropped all their money and shot innocent villagers to keep them from getting it? At children and old men adn women? That because of that, Molly’s husband was shot in the fucking head by one of those people? And then they couldn’t even bring the money back so it was all for no reason?”

She’s shouting now, spittle flying from her inebriated lips. One of her friends tries to grab her arm but she shakes them off. People in the crowd are starting to stop and watch. “Then, THEN, he treated me like shit, saying horrible things to me just when he was mad, throwing things, scaring me!”

You feel like you can’t breathe, it’s too much information all at once. “...What? I don’t…No. no, he said he was on a delta mission–”

“Oh sweetheart,” She sneers condescendingly. “He was on a greed mission. He was retired from delta. This was like a year ago. They all wanted to get rich and robbed a fucking drug kingpin and Frankie shot innocent people to make sure he got alllllll that money. And because of that, his friend was shot and killed and his family has NO idea why. He lied to you.”

You turn to look at him, and all his friends. Everyone is silent, trying not to look up from the ground. Dali looks as bewildered as you. “Frankie…?” Tears water in your eyes and you feel like your heart is going to burst. You thought he told you it was an enlisted mission, but on top of everything else you just learned your thoughts are rushing so fast you can’t seem to remember specifics. 

Frankie can’t even look at you. And that’s how you know. 

It’s true…

“Lex. Stop.” Will’s Southern drawl cuts through the silence, the commanding officer in him coming out. “It’s over. This shit between you two has to stop. Enough.” His eyes shift to Lex’s friends, who are nodding and repeating the same thing. Lex finally allows them to pull her away muttering under her breath, sending one last glare in your direction.

The walk to the truck is silent. The ride home is a foggy blur. But the minute you step into the house, you crack. 

“Frankie please tell me all this is not true.” You can’t read him at all, his face is completely blank as he moves around you towards Gabi’s bedroom to tuck her in.

So you wait.

His hackles are already up when he comes back out.

“Frankie–”

“Yea.”

“Well?”

“Yea. It’s true. We tried to steal money from one of Pope’s cases and it backfired and Tom got shot.”

“Because of you.”

His expression changes then, from blank nothing to vicious defensive anger. “Yea. Because of me. I fucked up the flight back and we crash landed and these fuckin’ villagers were gonna take the money! And it was an accident!”

“You ‘accidentally’ shot innocent people?”

He swallows, his jaw clenching and unclenching. You can see he’s doing mental gymnastics in order to avoid accountability. 

“Did your finger slip?”

No answer. 

“Frankie. Did your finger slip on the trigger?”

You already know the answer before he says it. And somehow it’s like he morphs into a Disney villain as he says it. “No. My finger didn’t slip.”

It burns, the sharp pain in your heart that makes you feel like it’s having a seizure or forgot how to pump blood or is pumping too much blood. “How many people did you kill.”

He shrugs. “I dunno.”

“You don’t know? How can you not know?! Frankie, you told me this was your job! You- you fucking lied to me! I-I I asked you if you were hiding anything else from me and you fucking lied to me!” You can’t help your voice raising, the tears spilling out of your eyes as you realize how fucking stupid you had been. Somewhere in the background you can hear Gabi has woken and is hysterically crying. Frankie, clearly having enough, turns back towards her room. But you continue, screaming at his back. “And that’s why Tom is dead? And his family doesn’t know why?!”

Frankie doesn’t answer and suddenly you are enraged. You run behind him and shove him forward. “I’m fucking talking to you! How can you just be so fucking blase about this??? And…all that other shit???—I feel like I don’t know you at all!”

He whirls around, that furious murderous face you ‘ve seen him give others is finally directed at you. “Because you don’t!” He screams back, his teeth nash and he shoves a finger one inch from  your face. You flinch.

“Frankie, you’re scaring me.”

“I’m scaring you? Really? I thought this was your thing?” 

You blink, confused, tears stalling on your face. “Don’t–”  You plead softly.

“No, Lex is right. You’re a naive little girl who thinks she can save worthless idiots like me and live some fucking fantasy happily ever after. You won’t. You can’t. I’m unfixable.”

“How can you say that!! Frankie, I love you!

He scoffs. “I know you think you do. And I know you aren’t stupid, you told me you’ve done this before. But guess what sweetie, you aren’t better, you’re still doing it because you’re so fucking desperate for someone to love you. You don’t love me. You just want to feel like some fucking savior.”

“No! No… I didn’t, I don’t…you told me you loved me!”

“I wanted to fuck you.” His eyes are black as far, it’s like you don’t even recognize his face anymore. Lex was right. Lex was right. How…did you make all of it up in your head?

“You…You’re a fucking psycho…I feel like you emotionally manipulated me into caring for you only for you to play games with me! I specifically told you I couldn’t go through this again and you fucking did it anyway!”

“Hey, you kissed me. And you were fun to fuck, I will admit that. Let me do fucking anything. But we both knew this would happen. You set yourself up. I did shoot those villagers. I caused Tom’s death. I just wanted the fucking money. And I wanted to kill a bunch of kids too, when they got in my way. Fuckin’ teenagers and I told Pope to fucking shoot them all.  And you know what else? We went back and got all that fucking money we hid, and we are fucking swimming in it. And I didn’t share a goddamn dime with my ex. You’re right. I am a psycho, so it’s a good thing this is over. Pack your shit and leave me alone.”

“Fuck you Frankie.”

You don’t wait another moment. You don’t need to be asked twice this time. You shove him aside on your way down the hallway, doing everything you can not to let the second round of tears fall. He’d seen enough.

You slam the door of the master bedroom behind you, frantically bouncing around different points in the room to grab all your shit. When did all of this stuff even get here? Anxiety bubbles up your chest until you can’t take it anymore and say fuck it, he can just throw anything else out. I have to get out of here.

You rush back down the hallway like a speed demon, praying to whatever that he won’t be standing in the hallway still. He isn’t. He’s sitting on his couch facing away from you, his head in his hands. You hate yourself for wanting to go comfort him. He’s right…I’m

not better…

You pause on the front doorway, struggling to say what needs to be said. Don’t be weak. Don’t keep letting people do this to you over and over. “Don’t contact me.I never want to see you again.” You say to his back.

He doesn’t move a muscle, or even look at you. “You won’t.”

You were able to make it halfway across the lawn before the grief fully hit. By the time you got to your car you were gasping like you were no longer able to breathe. And the minute your car door shut you broke, a wailing sob bursting from your lips as you bury your face in your palms. 

Again. It happened again. And it’s just as crushing as every other time, except now it feels like you never healed from the others and now they are all piling on top of the other with this one as the final blow.

Why. WHY? Was there something wrong with you? Why were you never enough? Why couldn’t you make them stay? What did you do to keep having to go through this? It almost killed you last time, your eyes squeeze shut as you remember the look on your parents face as they watched you writhe on your bed screaming and crying hysterically from your latest breakup.

And why did you let yourself fall into it again, like you had never learned a goddamn thing. It was like you were masochistic, you told yourself you would never need someone again so badly, you wouldn’t enmesh yourself so fully that when it fell apart you could barely function. Your heart was once again ripped out of your chest and thrown to the floor, the cracks from before making this shattering into pieces so small you know it can’t get repaired again.

With a trembling whimper, you pull your face out of your hands and wipe your eyes, your nose. You realize you’re still sitting in Frankie’s driveway and you immediately look to see if he's at the window, concerned for you. He isn’t. You hate yourself for it but it breaks you even more. 

It’s over.

You drive home mindlessly, your Spotify on shuffle and you aren’t aware of anything else. Just get home. Just get home and then you can cry, try to move on. But you already know you won’t. 

You finally tire yourself out of tears, and you try to talk yourself up, turning up the music and chanting “it’s okay” to yourself. 

It’s Coldplay. You always liked Coldplay. 

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try, you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you…

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face, and I–

You slam the on/off button so hard you actually cause the auxiliary cord to malfunction, so you rip it out of your phone and throw the damn thing on the passenger seat. You drive home in silence.

It’s dark in the lot when you arrive. You park in a spot along the side and towards the back because the lot is mostly full. The only light shining is the pole yards away, the bulb switches off and on opposite of the dark one right above you. 

You feel numb. You can still feel sticky dried tears on your face, but your ability to utter a sound is gone. You close your eyes and try to compose yourself, simply sitting in your car in the dark. You’re avoiding going upstairs, you know. You’ve pretty much been living at Frankie’s. Walking through that door would make it feel too ‘official’. You cover your face with your hands and rub the tears tracks off your raw face, and are about to take a breath and gather your shit when a THWACKING sound bursts right in your left ear.

You startle with a yelp and look out your window, prepared to tell off whoever is messing with you, but freeze when you find yourself face to face with the barrel of a gun, the only thing separating you from it is the shitty window glass on your cheap car.

»»———————►

Post A/N: Don't yell at me lol

[eluminium]

SKIZZ WEEK DAY 7. FINAL DAY. Well, okay I have to catch up on day 3 and day 6 BUT. STILL. DAY 7!!! this one got LONG again. I based this fic on that one scene from Skizz's episode 1 where Beef decides they're gonna spoon each other. Yeah.

As always, HUGE thanks to @skizzlemanweek for organizing this in the first place! It has been really fun to write for and the fact that it got me to write shit after like, 2 years of inactivity is insane. Huge props to them!!!

ANYWAYS! ONTO THE FINAL DAY!

Prompt 7: Free day!

-

Okay. Take some deep breaths, Skizz. It's not that big of a deal. You are fine! It's just being on THE Hermitcraft server with all the hermits as a hermit. That's just your average Tuesday for the Skizz- wait.

Void, he is on HERMITCRAFT. He's a HERMIT. FOR REAL. Is this real?! Or has he been dreaming or hallucinating?! His eyes dart around, and yep, those are hermits. Quickly, he pinches his arm. He lets go just as quickly with a squeak to boot when it's confirmed that this is real. He is a Hermit.

Now, he isn't the type of person to be nervous or scared. He thinks of himself as a pretty chill guy! He's Skizzleman. What dignity does he have to lose? However, maybe the fact he's not the type of guy to freak out means that because he's freaking out right now he has NO clue how to cope. He's so cool that he forgot how to deal! Agh, why now!?

"I'm gonna make a bed for our team, so we're gonna sleep in a communal bed, cuz there's only one right now." Someone- Oh it's Clebert!- comments while a newly crafted white bed appears next to the crafting table and furnace combo. It shakes Skizz out of his thoughts and back to the present, thank void. It's also a sweet reminder that just because he's on Hermitcraft doesn't mean he's a total stranger! In his mining team (what were they called again? Musterd Milktots? What is a milktot-) he's got Clebert and Tango Top! He knows them well! Then there's Doc, and he's hung out with Doc before! Like at the OlympZITS! And last, there's Beef! Who he….uh…Okay, he's never talked to Beef before. But how hard could it be? He'll charm his way into Beef's heart soon enough.

Speaking of the man, here he comes over the hills now! "I have a bed already. I have a bed!" he announces as he jogs over to use the crafting table. The sky behind him has faded to a soft yellowish orange as the sun sets on Skizz's first official day on Hermitcraft. Good thing they managed to make these beds in time!

Cleo seems to agree as she declares: "Oh okay! Now we can split up our sharing of the beds! That's cool!" While they speak, Tango appears behind them. He doesn't even acknowledge what just happened. The blaze man starts placing dirt around their little area to prepare for the night. Skizz giggles to himself. He's always task-focused, that guy.

As night starts falling, it dawns on Skizz that they only have two beds. And there are currently four of them. Doc disappeared somewhere, but he was told Doc tends to do that. Still, even with one less Milktot, they need to share beds in pairs or have one or two of them sleep on the ground. Well, he can do both! Nothing against a little snuggling with the homies!

"So, everyone under the covers?" He asks, looking between his fellow teammates. They also seem to have realized the situation and come to the same conclusion as him.

Their faces tell Skizz of the various levels of internal conflict occurring in this dirt hut. Tango doesn't seem very excited at all with the low burning flame on his head and a frown decorating his face. Cleo also wears a frown on her lips but a glint of understanding in her eyes. Once again, Skizz doesn't know Beef well enough to read him accurately, but he seems the most accepting out of the three. That's when it dawns on him that maybe not everyone is as comfortable with cuddling the homies. And now he feels like a dumbass for instantly jumping to that option. And he's the new guy, too! Void, this is going great so far!

Okay, how can he fix this? Maybe he can volunteer to sleep on the ground. Or he could invite Tango to a bed (god he's gonna get a headache from all these jokes he shouldn't make-!) since Tango knows him best and Skizz already has experience dealing with Tango's fire. Besides, they both have old man backs. If they sleep on the ground, they'll be incapacitated for days. And there's no way Tango should be allowed to do that, not on his watch!

But as he's turning towards Tango to make the offer, Beef unexpectedly grabs his gaze instead. Huh-?

"Skizz, you're mine~. Get in here, big boy," He growls in an overly sultry tone. Completely outta nowhere! So outta nowhere Skizz can't help but giggle at it.

Now, he recognizes what a bit is and realizes that it's probably an attempt by Beef to lighten the mood. So obviously, he's gotta keep it going! That's the one rule of improv, baby!

"Big spoon or little spoon?" He responds in a comedically deadpan tone while moving towards one of the beds. Cleo and Tango laugh at his theatrics, and the mood does indeed lighten. Mission success! He and Beef also chuckle a bit before Skizz moves between the beds and puts on a more serious face.

"Okay, for real though. How are we doing this? Are there some kind of Hermit rules around snuggling with your fellow Hermits I don't know about?" He asks the other three.

"No Skizz, I don't think we have rules about that. Although I don't know how…safe and comfortable it is to cuddlebear ol' Tango over here. With all the fire stuff and possible burnificating in your sleep," Tango responds honestly. Skizz rolls his eyes.

"Come on, Top. You're not that bad, dude! We've shared many a bed during Third Life, and Last Life, and Limited Life, and Secret Life-"

"Don't act like you weren't complaining in the morning! You were like: 'Ooo Tango I'm never cuddling with you again! This is awful, bleugh!'"

"That's because I got SWEATY from your crazy body heat! Not because I was on FIRE like you seem to be thinking!!!"

"Okay guys we get it, you're very affectionate with each other and it's cute, now lets get back to the point!" Cleo calls out to stop this madness before it escelates into a slap fight. Skizz and Tango both shut up in compliance.

"I have an idea!" Beef chimes in. All of them turn their eyes to him. They stay silent but nod at him to continue.

"Cleo, you can't really feel temperature, correct?" Beef asks, turning towards said Cleo.

"Yeah, being a zombie and all," Cleo answers with a shrug.

"So if you and Tango take one bed, we'll minimize the amount of…sweating happening. And, for you Cleo, it'll be easier to keep your body warm enough not to freeze up during the night!" Beef finishes off.

Tango and Cleo both contemplate this plan. It makes a lot of logical sense to split it up that way.

Cleo turns to Skizz. "Can you promise that he doesn't light up like a flamethrower? Don't get me wrong! I do like fire, just not ON me," She asks him. Tango makes some vaguely offended noises in the background despite the fact he was the one who brought it up.

"I promise you, Clebert! Top sleeps like a dead man. There's no way he'll light up at all. And if he does, dude, just kick him off the bed. It'll be funny," He answers with a smile and a wink. Then he laughs at the increased amount of offended Tango noises. They're just the best, okay!

"Alright I guess it's you and me, Tango. We'll sleep back to back, yeah?" Cleo gestures at Tango while she starts preparing the bed closest to them. Tango sounds like he agrees, but Skizz has already tuned them out to focus on his deal with Beef.

"So, I guess I was yours, huh?" He jokes as Beef joins him by the other bed.

"I guess so!" Beef cheers back.

For a second, they just stand there. Waiting for the other to make a move. …Maybe Skizz should give Beef the bed anyway. Skizz's the new guy, after all. He can't be making moves like this.

"Hey man, if this is really not your style, I'm fine with sleeping on the ground," He offers, meeting Beef's eyes. Said eyes light up in amusement, however.

"I think everyone in this hut knows that if anyone slept on the grass they'd wake up with a ton of back pain. We're all too old for that! Unless you'd feel uncomfortable, but I'll take a guess that you're not considering…you know." Beef reassures while patting Skizz on the back. He's right on that. It doesn't really bother Skizz…Then Beef's face morphs into one of contemplation.

"I was thinking more about how we're gonna fit in this bed," He continues, gesturing to said bed.

Oh, oh yeah. Second observation of the night. The bed is kinda small for them. They're both big, burly, broad men, for crying out loud. Unless they're going to connect like puzzle pieces, there is no way both of them are fitting in this bed.

Skizz smacks his lips. "Well, big guy. Either we snuggle up real close, or one of us ends up on the ground. You in?" He says bluntly, almost like a challenge.

Beef thinks about it before exclaiming: "I'm in," while lifting up the blanket. He then crawls in towards the opposite edge of the bed and lays sideways. Skizz has never been one to think too hard before doing something, so he crawls in next, and the great shuffling begins.

It's, well, not the easiest. Each time one of them moves an inch, something gets kicked, punched, or pushed. It's a miracle that they manage to avoid kneeing each other in the jewels. But eventually, they managed to settle into a comfortable position. What a blessing!

That blessing ends up being them curling their legs around each other like two strings of DNA, pressing together like a sandwich, and Beef's head resting on top of Skizz's, while Skizz almost has his face in Beef's mantits. It's not something Skizz thought would be included in his first day on Hermitcraft, but he isn't unhappy about it. Beef seems content, breathing a sigh of relief as they finally fit together. Afterward, he lets out some soft laughter that Skizz feels more than he hears.

"Welcome to Hermitcraft, Skizzleman. This has been your initiation ritual into this madness," He jokes, his log-like arms resting around Skizz's back.

"I think I'm gonna like this gig," He responds with a laugh before wiggling a little bit. He feels Beef smile into his hair. On the other side, the shuffling sound from Tango and Cleo ceases as well. After a long negotiation, everyone is finally comfortable.

"Goodnight, everyone," Skizz says.

"Goodnight." The others respond.

As silence falls on the Musterd Milktots dirt hut, Skizz feels the most relaxed in months. Beef is already drifting off based on his breathing, and soft snores are heard from the other side. As Skizz starts succumbing to sleep, he thinks:

"Yeah. I'm gonna love it here."

[bloodfiresandabram]

hello, i’m ari, i read the trilogy a year ago and haven’t been the same since but finally decided that my ongoing hyperfixation of aftg is significant enough to warrant making a side blog for it so now i have this account and of course my first original post on this side blog is a few snippets of the first aftg fic that i finally let myself start writing and have been steadily working on since, aka neil finally goes to therapy

Neil wets his lower lip—feels the cracks caused by the cold and dry winter, thinks about the sweet cherry chapstick that Andrew threw at him the other day and seems to be pleased to know Neil is using whenever he tastes it on Neil’s lips, reminds himself to use it once this session is over—and then he says, “I have spent most of my life waiting to die.”

Bee lets out a long, slow breath. “Okay,” she says gently, head tilting just slightly to the side. She reaches forward and picks up the small notebook resting on the coffee table next to her mug, pulls a pen out of her pocket and clicks it, then rests the notebook against her knee to write something down real quick. Neil watches her curiously as she then reaches for her mug, takes a sip from it, sets it down, and looks back at him. “Tell me about that.”

“I think it’s self explanatory,” Neil says.

“Tell me anyway,” Bee responds. “Tell me like I know nothing.”

-

Bee levels him with an analyzing stare and asks, “What is the threat?”

The question itself isn’t groundbreaking by any means. It’s a series of words seeking a simple reply that Neil feels he should be able to give—but again, when he parts his lips to respond, there is no easy answer sitting on the tip of his tongue. Slowly, he closes his mouth, presses it into a tight-lipped grimace as he thinks, brows pinching together. What is the threat?

The Moriyama’s are a threat, of course. Sure, Neil has a deal with them that, so long as he carries his end, essentially gives Neil freedom to live his life moving forward, but the Moriyama’s could change their minds one day and demand more from him. They could think his smart mouth isn’t worth the trouble and cut him off at the knees. Ichirou seems level-headed and strategic, so Neil can’t see that type of turn-around happening without him being warned or given a chance to find a more satisfying arrangement for them, but it’s certainly a possibility.

His father’s men are a threat, though Neil is aware that anyone left is currently in hiding from the FBI. Neil isn’t a secret anymore, something that terrifies him more than he’d care to admit. The world knows his name, knows his face—they know his past and where he is now. If any of Nathan’s people decide to come after him, they’ll be sure to be caught by the FBI or hunted down by Stuart’s people, but there’s not much Neil can really do to prevent his own demise before they can be stopped. He can fight, sure, but there’s no guarantee that he’ll win.

The more Neil thinks, the more his mind conjures up—someone on a power trip and access to a weapon could end him at any point if he so happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Car accidents occur every day. Health problems, an unfortunate hit during an Exy game, even just stepping off a curb wrong and falling and hitting his head could bring it all to an end.

“Everything,” Neil says eventually.

Bee hums. “Everything is a threat?”

“Yeah. Everything.”

“Okay,” Bee says. “Is Andrew a threat, then?”

Again, the question is not particularly spectacular, but it still makes something in Neil’s stomach twist as he thinks of how to respond. Cautiously, Neil tells her, “Yes.”

Bee looks genuinely surprised by this, blinking once before asking, “How?”

“Andrew…” Neil trails off, something trying to clog up his throat as he struggles to grasp the words in his mind. Andrew is not a threat in the same way that the Moriyama’s are a threat. Neil does not think that Andrew is going to kill him. Neil does not think that Andrew is going to hurt him—at least, not physically. Neil wets his lower lip and tries to explain with, “He asked me to stay. To stop running. I want to stay and to stop running, not just for him, but for all of the foxes, but if… if he tells me to leave, I will. If he changes his mind, I’ll be gone.”

“Ah.” Bee grabs her pen and writes something down, and Neil finds that, right now, he doesn’t want to know whatever it is she just put on the page. “I have another question.”

Neil clenches his jaw, but nods at her to go ahead.

“Do you consider yourself disposable, Neil?”

This time, the answer is easy, already leaving the tip of his tongue before he’s realized his mouth is open. “Yeah,” he tells her. “Of course.”

-

Neil blinks harshly. There are no tears in his eyes—crying is not something that comes easily to him, something that was beaten and burned out of him throughout his childhood. Still, his eyes itch in a way that’s reminiscent of tears and blinking hard enough to make spots dance across his vision is the only way he can make it stop. His stomach is churning and he’s not sure if he’s going to be sick or if he’s going to pass out. Either way, he keeps talking, words choppy and clipped as he says, “I want to tell you things. I want to be permanent.”

Want can be as important as choice. Andrew nods. “You are,” he states. “And you will. Later.”

“Later?” Neil doesn’t necessarily trust later. Waiting for later gives the opportunity for so many things to get fucked up now, and later may never come because of it. But Andrew nods again.

“Later,” he says. “You are permanent. There is time.”

-

i’ll stop there but this is gonna be a one shot (currently at 14k words and only like halfway done lol) and i have no god damn clue when i’m gonna post it but expect it at some point eventually hopefully kind of soon ish

[the-kittens-of-vol-tron]

Ok so hear me out:

(in this au, Shiro took Keith in at a much younger age)

Adam trying to win Keith over while trying to woo Shiro?

Yes Yes Yes

So if you have seen Lilo and Stich, I’m going for the sibling relationship Lilo and Nani. Shiro is Keith’s legal guardian but big brother <3

-----

“Who is that?” Adam whispered to his classmate, his eyes glued to the boy who entered the room. 

“Huh? Oh, that’s Takashi Shirogane.” 

He sent his friend the side eye, “and how do you already know his name?” 

They rolled their eyes, “he literally got the top score in our entrance exam? And look at him! Total hottie.” 

Adam allowed his eyes to look back at the other guy, who took a seat a couple of desks away from him. He looked his height, maybe slightly shorter. His undercut was fresh and he had to have something in his hair to make the top of his hair fall like that. He was muscular, defiantly someone who took care of himself. 

A sharp pinch appeared on his side and he smacked his friend's hand. 

“Stop staring, it’s rude.” 

“I wasn’t staring!” Adam whispered back harshly. 

“He might not even like men.” 

Adam felt his heart drop, a painful reminder that his dating pool is limited. He stared at his desk, tracing the different colors of the wood with his eyes. “Yeah...you’re right.” 

A comforting hand was pressed on his upper shoulder blade. “Chin up buddy. It’s the first day of the semester, you’re going to meet plenty of people.” 

He gave a weak nod, looking forward as the teacher walked in. 

---

“Adam right?” 

Adam nearly fell out of his chair, being snapped out of his daydream of actually flying instead of learning about how to fly. “Uhh yeah?” He looked at the voice, Takashi staring down at him with an easy smile. Why is he talking to me? And how does he know my name? Take a breath Adam, just in and out. Just like we’ve done since birth. He prayed his inner turmoil wasn’t readable on his face. 

The other guy laugh, the sound rumbling in his chest. Adam wishes he could save it to memory. “We’re partners...for the project?” He nodded his head at the bored. 

“Partners For Developing Your Own Flight Plan To Kerberos!” Was written in black marker. 

“Oh yeah...the project,” Adam took his glasses off, pretending to clean smudges that weren’t there. 

“You were zoned out weren’t you,” Shiro stated. A humorous smile on his face. 

“Wh-what? Me? Zoned out?” He cleared his throat, ignoring how his face felt. “I was just...seeing if you were paying attention...?” 

Takashi laughed again, throwing his head back at the action. “Understandable,” he extended his right hand. “I’m Takashi.” 

Adam took his hand, trying not to focus on the string grip on Takashi's hand. “Nice to meet you.”

---

“So I was thinking after dinner we could start the project? My roommate will be at their partner's dorms so it’ll just be me in mine. But whatever you’re comfortable with.” He held onto his backpack straps as they walked down the hallway. Attempting to keep his persona cool. He was only inviting the hottest man he had ever seen in his life to his dorm. 

She rubbed the backside of his undercut, his eyes on the ground. “I actually will be gone before dinner. I leave the grounds around threeish. Right after our last class.” 

Adam sent him a confused look. “Do you not live on campus?” Freshmen weren’t allowed to live anyways but in the dorms. Juniors and Seniors could get other housing but it would still be Garrison housing. 

“I don’t...it’s complicated.” He smiled. “I can give you my number and we could call later to work on it.” 

Adam nodded, pulling out his phone. He quickly unlocked it and got to the contact screen. “Here.” 

Takashi quickly typed in his info before handing it back. “I can call any time after 19:00!” He started to move down the hall. Leaving Adam still confused.

---

He ran his hand through his hair again. Groaning with the short strands didn’t stay where he needed them to. “Come on! Just stay where you need to be.” He mumbled to himself, hesitantly checking the clock. They were going to call at 19:15 and it was currently 19:13. He didn’t have time for this. 

He grabbed his glasses and sat down at his desk, propping his phone up on his laptop. Opening his notes right as his phone began to ring. He took another deep breath and accepted the video chat. His voice died in his throat as Takashi appeared on the tiny screen. 

He wasn’t in his Garrison Uniform, though he did make that orange work. Instead, he wore a white baggy hoodie. With a logo Adam didn’t recognize and the top of his hair was pulled back into a very, very small bun. “Hey, how was dinner?” 

Adam cleared his throat, did he talk to everyone this casually? “Good...y’know cafeteria food.” He paused, “unless you don’t. But you aren’t missing much.” 

Takashi sent him a toothy grin. “I’ve heard horror stories.” He leaned out of frame for a moment, repapering with his notebook. “Want to get started?” 

They worked for over an hour, making good progress until Takashi looked at something off-screen. “Yeah, buddy?” 

Adam stopped talking, holding his breath unknowingly. 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be right there okay?” Takashi looked back at the camera. “Sorry, can we call it a night? Something came up.” 

Adam nodded, “yeah no problem. See you tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, see you!” He ended the call, leaving Adam in a still silence. Who was he talking to? 

---

Adam rubbed his eyes, flopping down in his seat. He stayed up too late watching movies. 

“Wakey-wakey Adam,” his friend snapped his fingers in front of his face. 

“I’m awake,” he crossed his eyes, sinking back in his chair. “Did you start your project?” 

His friend scoffed, “no, it’s not due for like two more weeks.” They gave Adam a quick glance. “Did you?” 

Adam hummed, “started it last night.” 

“Ohh you actually worked with Takashi? Didn’t try and kiss him?” His friend nudged his arm. 

Adam rolled his eyes, sending Takashi a small wave as he entered the room. “Yeah...we got some work done.” 

---

“I have to say,” Iverson took his reading glasses off his face. “This is the best plan anyone has come up with for a project like this.” 

Takashi nudged Adam’s arm, smiles forming on both of their faces. 

Iverson sent them a professional smile. “You two clearly work well together. Would you two be interested in a side project? It’ll look good in your academic folder. Might open more doors in the future.” 

They both nodded, not feeling the need to discuss it with each other. They did work well together. 

They exited the room, smiles plastered on their faces. Each holding a folder of the next project. “So are you heading home? Since Mrs. Dominic's class was canceled?” Adam asked as they headed down the hallway, their shoulders brushing against each other. 

Takashi shrugged his shoulders. “I was thinking about it. But that would put me home almost three hours early. I won’t know what to do with myself.” He chuckled. 

“Well,” Adam stopped walking, tightening his hands around the folder. “We could always get a head start on the project? The libraries are nice to work in, but you have to reserve a study room twenty-four hours in advance...and then I have my...dorm...?” 

Takashi turned to face Adam, having taken a couple of steps after he stopped moving. “Why did you say that like a question?” 

Adam shrugged, praying the other boy couldn’t see the heat on his face. “I just-” he cleared his throat. He needed to get over this unrequited crush. 

Takashi laughed, “we can do it to your dorm. I just need to leave after 15:00.” 

“Copy that,” Adam began to walk. Leading the way. They chatted back and forth as they walked, Adam scanning his badge to unlock his dorm. “Welcome to my lovely abode.” 

Takashi whistled as he walked in, “living in luxury I see.” 

“You know it,” He slipped his bag off, hanging it on the hook at the end of his bed. “Make yourself at home.” 

Takashi took off his own bag, pulling out the chair to Adam’s desk. His leg bobbed up and down. 

Adam slid off his orange jacket and climbed into his bed. Sitting with his back against the concert wall. The folder in his hands. “Did we want to start?” 

Takashi nodded, placing his folder on the desk, his eyes falling on the picture frame. “Awe is this you?” He gently grabbed the frame, lifting it up to his face. 

Adam ignored the embarrassment that bloomed in his gut. “Yeah...I was like five or six. First time I ever saw a plane up close.” 

Shiro stared at the picture, a nostalgic look in his eye. “I guess we all have a moment like there. Where we fall in love with flying.” He put the frame back down. “Is that your mom and...” He trailed off. 

“Mom and Mama,” Adam stared at the folder. He wasn’t ashamed of his familial structure, it was a good way to introduce new people to the topic. 

“They look nice. Loving.” Shiro opened his folder, pulling out the papers inside. 

“They are...what about your family? Your parents?” 

Takashi’s jaw tightened for a brief second. Before he met Adam’s eyes, “a story for another time. Let’s start shall we?” 

Adam nodded, his stomach tightening with guilt. “Yeah.” 

---

It had been a couple of weeks since that day. They worked together almost daily, excluding the weekend. They were always around each other. Joined at the hip. Adam and Takashi slowly became Adam and Takashi. An inseparable pair.

Adam’s leg bounced up and down. Trying to contain his excitement.  Takashi was going to come over again today. Unrequited crush or not, he just liked spending time with him. They clicked really well. And sometimes, just sometimes Adam felt as if Takashi felt the same. 

Iverson entered the room, silencing the students with his presence. Adam’s eyes drifted to where Takashi sat. His seat empty. 

He didn’t show up the next day. 

Or the day after that. 

He let his bag drop to the floor, feeling defeated. He flopped on his bed face first, not even bothering to check his phone. Takashi hadn’t responded at all. Hadn’t even read his messages. He tried not to take it personally. But he was still hurt. He thought they were closer. They had an unspeakable, indescribable connection. Something drew them together and yet. He wasn’t allowed to be there for him.  

He awoke to his roommate entering the room. “Yo, you missed dinner. Are you feeling okay?” 

He pushed himself up, rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?” 

“Like seven?” They sat on their own bed, shrugging off their uniform. 

Adam shimmied off his bed, rolling his shoulders. “I’ll head down before the kitchen closes.” 

His roommate hummed, opening up their laptop as Adam exited the room. Glancing at his phone as he walked. A missed call from Takashi. 

He frowned and quickly dialed it back, pushing the anxiety down into his core. The call picked up, “Hey Takashi. Is everything okay?” 

A small voice responded. Hesitant. “Hi, are you Shiro’s friend?” 

Adam frowned, stepping off to the side to let others pass. “Uhh, I...who are you?”

“Shiro’s sick. Can you help?” 

“Wait what?” He ran his free hand through his hair.  “Is he okay?” 

“Ummm, hot but shivering. Sweaty and he won’t eat.” The small voice listed off the different symptoms. “What?!” He called to someone on his side of the call. “Adam!” 

Adam could feel his heart in his throat. Pounding in confusion and concern. He could hear a voice muffle on the other side but he couldn’t make out the words or the owner of it. 

The unnamed voice returned, “Can you help? I live at...” He recited the address quickly and Adam pulled a pen out of his pocket. Scribbling it down on his arm. 

“Sure...I’ll do what I can.” The call ended and he started at the location. It was outside the Garrison, but not too far of a drive. But a walk? That would take him hours. He chewed on his inner cheek. Turning to walk to the one teacher that might help. 

---

“I can’t allow you off campus Adam. You know the rules.” 

“Iverson, please! I don’t know who that was but they sounded like a kid. If Takashi is sick he might need some help.” Adam forced himself to keep his posture straight. His eyes ahead, trying to plead his case. “I don’t know his living situation that well, but given he’s allowed to live off campus I can only assume he’s the sole provided to someone.” It was a shot in the dark but it made sense. 

Iverson's face revealed no information. “Again. I can’t allow you to leave campus.” 

Adam’s face dropped, his shoulders sagging. 

Iverson stood, “I’m sorry. I know you two are close.” He moved to stand in front of the younger boy. “And I’m known for not always locking my office door.” He placed his hand on Adam’s shoulder. “The key to my truck is hanging by the door. I park in spot 34.” 

Adam sent his teacher a confused look. “What?” 

“Takashi Shirogane is a special case. One we teachers are not allowed to discuss. And he trusts you, so if you’re being requested. You should go.” 

Adam nodded, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “Thank you.” 

Iverson stepped back, moving back toward his desk. “You do know how to drive right?” 

Adam moved, grabbing the key that hung by the door. “Sure. It can’t be harder than flying right?” 

Driving was harder than flying. 

He managed to make it to the address in one piece. Trying to ignore the number of traffic laws he broke. He knocked on the door. It was a smaller house, with a couple of lights on. His palms sweated as he waited. Unsure who was going to open the door. 

The door cracked open, stopping on a chain, A younger boy stared up at him through thick raven bangs. “Um....hi?” 

The kid didn’t respond, just stared.  

Adam shifted under his gaze, “I’m Adam?” 

The kid nodded, closing the door briefly. Reopening it fully. “Follow me.” He lead Adam upstairs to a cracked door. He pushed the door open, leaving Adam in the hallway. 

He returned a couple of seconds later, waving Adam in. 

Adam followed, his eyes immediately falling on a very sick-looking Takashi. “Keith...I told you not to call him.” The other man wheezed out, trying to focus on the smaller boy. 

The boy, now known as Keith, crossed his arms. “I’m no doctor.” 

“Neither is Adam.” Takashi let his head fall on the pillow, his eyes squeezed shut. 

Keith looked at Adam, “he wears glasses. He has to be smart.”  

Takashi groaned, “it doesn’t work like that.” 

Keith rolled his eyes, “can you help him or not?” 

Adam nodded, “yeah.” He moved ahead, sitting on the edge of the bed. Leaning forward to rest his cheek on Takashi’s forehead. 

“Adam?! What are you doing-” The other man began to protest, his eyes blown wide. 

“Shhhhh. I’m trying to check how hot you are.”

Keith snickered, which resulted in his brother saying his name. 

Adam leaned back up, “have you eaten anything?” 

Takashi shook his head, “hard to eat.” 

“Drank anything?” 

He shook his head again. 

“Okay,” Adam stood, looking at Keith. “You have any soup?” 

“No.” 

“Okay,” he looked at his classmate, “mind if I steal your kitchen?” 

Takashi didn’t respond, slipping into a shivery slumber. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He looked at the younger boy. “Can you show me the kitchen?” That’s how Adam found himself. Chopping up slightly old vegetables, adding them to a simmering pot. 

Keith sat on the island behind him. Munching on a grilled cheese. “So how old are you Keith?” He slid the carrots into the pot. 

“Seven.” 

“Oh, that’s a good age.” He moved on to the celery. “Where do you go to school?” 

“Down the road. Shiro drops me off on his way to the Garrison.” 

“Ah, I see.” More chopping. “What’s your favorite class?” 

“Hmm,” Keith put the plate down beside him. “Science.”

“Mine too.” He finished the vegetables, giving the soup a stir. “Where are your parents? Away at work?” 

“They’re dead.” 

The room fell into silence. The soup bubbling. “Oh...I see.” 

“Shiro takes care of me. He’s been taking care of me since he turned eighteen. But they passed when I was four.” 

Adam squeezed the spoon he was holding tighter. Everything fell into place in his mind. Why he never stayed past three in the afternoon. Why he never came to campus on the weekend. Why he didn’t live on campus. His reaction when Adam asked about his parents. 

“Shiro likes you.” 

He turned, “what?” 

Keith hopped off the counter, placing his dish in the sink. A small pile of dirty dishes formed. “He talks about you a lot.” 

“Oh...we are good friends.” He turned to focus on the soup. Trying to calm his racing heart. 

“Adam.” 

“Hmm?” 

“What’s a boyfriend?” 

“Oh...it’s a guy you date. Someone you like and may fall in love with.” 

“Oh...well Shiro said he wants to be your boyfriend.” 

He dropped the spoon he was holding. “What?!” 

Keith looked at him like it was everyday knowledge. “Only if I like you.” 

Adam stared at the kid, unsure of what to say. 

Keith began to leave the kitchen. “I don’t have any thoughts on you. But I thought he liked shorter guys.” He left the room, the TV turning on in the living room. 

Adam placed the spoon in the sink. Finishing up the soup while emptying the dishwasher and starting it up with the new dishes. Cleaning up the messes that Keith had created since Takashi was out of commission. 

He dished up a bowl, moving to head up the stairs. Keith curled up on the couch, asleep. 

He headed upstairs, knocking on his classmate's door. “Takashi? You awake?” He made a small grunt sound and Adam, entered the room. “I made you some soup.” 

“Adam, I am so sorry about this. I was just pushing myself too hard and...sometimes.” He paused, catching his breath. 

“Your body will make you take a break.” He set the soup on the bed-side desk. “Come on.” He helped Takashi lean forward, propping the pillows behind him. He grabbed the bowl, lifting the spoon up to the other boy's mouth. 

“You are not feeding me.” 

“You are not feeding me,” Adam mocked back, “just shush and eat.” 

Takashi fought him for a couple of moments before giving in. Letting Adam feed him. “Keith’s asleep downstairs.” 

“Yeah...he does that when I don’t make him go to bed.” 

Another spoonful. “He told me what happened...about your parents. Shiro, I’m so sorry.” 

His face scrunched up, “you called me Shiro.” 

Adam ignored the fire under his skin. “Sorry, hearing your brother say it. It just slipped out-” 

“You can call me it. I only let people I’m close to call me it.” 

“Oh,” another spoonful. “Are we close then?” 

Shiro sent him a weak smile, grabbing his wrist weakly. “I like to think we are.” 

Adam returned to his dorm around two in the morning. Falling on his bed as soon as he kicked his boots off. He didn’t leave until Shiro had eaten, he put the other dishes away and he carried Keith to bed properly.  

Sleep didn’t come easy to him. Every time he tried, all he could think of was what it would feel like to kiss him. 

---

The next Monday rolled around Shiro was finally back in class. Looking more alive than he did when Adam saw him last. He came in right in front of Iverson so they didn’t have time to talk. But Shiro sent him a bright smile when he walked into the room. 

The class dragged on but as soon as it was dismissed Shiro was in front of Adam’s desk. “I am so sorry again for last week.” 

Adam waved his hand in a ‘whatever’ motion, standing while grabbing his bag. “Again, it’s fine. I’m happy you’re feeling better.” He met Shiro’s grey eyes. A hint of pink on his cheeks. Was he flustered? 

Shiro bobbed his head a couple of times. Unsure of what to say but he seemed to be reluctant to move. “I should go...I have a lot of work to catch up on.” 

Adam nodded, both of them refusing to step away from each other. An invisible energy pulling them together. “Did you want some help?” Adam offered. 

“Yeah,” Shiro nodded, a smile forming on his face, “I’d like that.” 

They ended up sitting on Adam’s bed, leaning against each other as Adam helped him with the various assignments. 

Shiro groaned, resting the back of his head on the concert wall. “This is a lot.” 

“Missing of a week of school seems stressful.” 

Shiro closed his eyes, his body relaxed. “It was. I couldn’t do anything. I was so worried Keith was going to set the kitchen on fire. But, at least our neighbors could take him to and from school for me.” 

They sat in more silence. Adam finally broke it. “Why didn’t you tell me about him?” 

Shiro sighed, his eyes still closed. “It’s hard to talk about I guess.” 

Adam mimicked his position, closing his eyes as Shiro talked. His voice rumbled from his chest. 

“Losing mom and dad...it was hard. I was fifteen. I went to school, Keith went to daycare, and then one distracted driver left us spending a night at an emergency placement home.” 

Adam intertwined his fingers with Shiro, giving it a comforting squeeze. 

Shiro didn’t pull his hand back, and his grip tightened ever so slightly. “We were moved a lot. I made sure we stayed together no matter what. And as soon as I turned eighteen I got us out of there. I’m just happy the Garrison worked with me. Let us stay in our family home. I didn’t want to bring Keith on campus.” 

“He’s important to you,” Adam whispered. 

“He is. I would do anything to keep him safe. To make sure he isn’t hurt or left alone.” He released a shaky breath. Leaning to rest his head on Adam’s shoulder. 

Adam rested his cheek on Shiro’s head, “like date someone he approves of?” 

Shiro nodded. 

Adam knew what he had to do. Get Keith to like him. 

---

“What are you doing for Winter break Adam?” His friend asked as they sat down for Iverson’s last class of the semester. 

“I don’t know. I only live like forty minutes away so it’s not like I have to travel.” 

His friend nodded, going on a slight tangent of the layovers they would have to sit through to get home. 

He sent Shiro a small wave as he entered the classroom. Shiro smiled at him and sat down. Adam’s phone lighting up a couple of moments afterward. 

Good to see you. I wanna talk to you after class. 

He reread the message, quickly typing a response as Iverson walked in the door. Spending the entire class wondering what Shiro could want to ask him. 

“So what’s up?” Adam made it to Shiro’s desk first this time. 

“Adam!” Shiro’s face lit up and he stood, a slight bounce to his action. “How far do you live from here?” 

“Like a forty-minute drive...why what’s up?” 

“So Keith loves roller-coaster but um...I don’t.” 

Adam couldn’t stop a laugh from escaping his chest. “You’re in a fight pilot major and you don’t like roller-coaster?!” 

Shiro rolled his eyes, “mock me later. Do you like them?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Great, I was given some free tickets to ‘Roller-Park’ and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me...and Keith of course. He’ll need someone to ride with him.” 

Adam grinned, his heart fluttering in his chest. The perfect opportunity to befriend Keith just fell in his lap. “Yeah. Just let me know when.” 

---

“I want to ride that one!” Keith pointed to the 400ft rollercoaster that could be seen from the entrance. He dropped his hand back down on Shiro’s head. Holding on to the tuff of hair with his fingers. 

Shiro whistled, “that’s a really tall coaster,” he sent Adam a panicked look. 

Adam chuckled, looking up at Keith who was sitting on Shiro’s shoulders. “Let’s start on the smaller ones first okay?” 

They spent the entire day riding rides. Shiro waiting by the exit for them. Kneeling down each time to hug Keith as he ran at him. Adam was having fun. Keith was a good kid. 

“I want dipping dots,” Keith said, pulling Shiro toward the ice cream stand. 

Shiro let the smaller boy drag him along. “What flavor do you like?” He looked at Adam. 

“I don’t need anything.” 

“Come on, the least I can do is buy you some ice cream.” 

“I’m fine Shiro.” 

“Shiro?” Keith tugged on his arm. 

“Yeah, buddy?” 

“Can I have Adam share then?” 

Both men broke out in laughter. 

---

“Ready to try the big one?” Adam ran a napkin across Keith’s face. 

Keith nodded. “It’s going to go fast!” 

“90 miles per hour.” Adam stood, extending his hand to the raven hair kid. “Come on, let’s go check your height.” 

Keith was surprisingly tall enough for the ride and after a twenty-minute wait they were buckled into the coaster. “You ready?” 

Keith nodded, swallowing a bit. “I’m scared.” 

Adam frowned, wrapping his arm around the smaller boy. “It’s okay to be scared. Does it help to know that I’m scared too?” 

Keith looked at him, “you’re scared?” 

Adam laughed, “a bit. But’s going to be fine.” He removed his arm as the coaster began to move. It launched off and after a minute the coaster was stopping. They shared a look before laughing at how messed up their hair was. 

They kept laughing until they met up with Shiro. Keith immediately told Shiro about the ride and how brave he was. He whispered something in Shiro’s ear, causing him to look at his brother with a wide expression. 

Adam wasn’t sure what he said but he figured it wasn’t his place. They rode a couple more rides, Keith grabbed Adam’s hand a couple of times as they walked. 

“I’m going to go get us some food. Come on Keith.” Shiro grabbed his brother's hand.

“I’ll eat whatever you get.” Adam looked around, his eyes falling on something. “I’m going to check something out.” He waited until the two had walked away and made his way over to a game stand. “What do I have to do to get that?” He pointed at the giant blue and black wolf plushy that was hung up. 

The employee smiled at him and quickly explained what he needed. It took Adam a couple of tries but he walked away with the stuffed wolf. 

Shiro and Keith were sitting down. Chomping on chicken tenders and French fries. Shiro’s eyes widened at the giant stuffed animal. Keith had yet to notice. 

“I got you something Keith,” Adam sat the wolf down next to the boy who stared at it with wide eyes. 

He looked up at Adam, “for me?” 

“Yup.” 

Keith grinned at the plushy, hugging it tightly. 

“What do we say, Keith?” Shiro said, looking at Adam with an unreadable expression. 

Keith pulled back some, “thanks, Adam!” He let go of the plushy and jumped up to hug Adam. 

Adam hugged him back, glancing at Shiro who smiled at him. 

---

“He is knocked out,” Shiro plopped on the couch next to Adam, resting his arms on the back of the couch. 

“I’m happy he had fun.” 

“Yeah...me too. He named the wolf Kosmo.” 

“That’s a fitting name. Did he ever let go of it?” 

Shiro laughed, sliding his arm down so it was wrapped around Adam’s shoulders. “No. He fell asleep holding it. I had to pretend to brush its teeth while he brushed his.” 

Adam chuckled, sinking into Shiro more. Trying to keep his heart rate steady. Just two dudes...platonically cuddling. Nothing more, nothing less. “What did Keith whisper to you at the park.” He wasn’t sure why he asked, but something forced the words out. 

“He said that he liked you.” 

“Oh.” He tapped his fingers against his upper thighs. Trying to keep himself composed. “I like him. He’s a good kid.” 

“Yeah,” Shiro adjusted, so he was twisted on the couch facing Adam. “And I like you.” 

Adam turned his head so he was facing the other man. Their faces were closer than he expected. “...like a friend?” 

“...more than that.” His hand moved up, slowly cupping Adam’s cheek. His thumb slowly rubbed over his cheekbone. “Do you like me?” He leaned closer, their breaths mingling. “More than a friend?” 

Adam took a shaky breath. This was it. No matter which way this went, this would change everything. “Yeah.” He whispered. 

“...can I?” 

Adam licked his own lips nervously, “yeah.” 

Shiro tilted his head slightly, pressing their lips together. Pulling back too soon. He leaned back, dropping his hand. “Was that okay?” 

“You better kiss me again Takashi or I will never forgive you.” 

Shiro laughed and leaned forward again. 

-----

This...this got away from me 

But I hope you liked it!! This was so much fun <3

Thank you for reading <33333

[the-masked-ram]

Falling for Frogs- Chapter Two

CW: NSFW, Slow burn, chubby!reader, fem reader, original female character (paired with Haley), side ships, mental illness, anxiety attacks, smoking, bdsm, loss of virginity, online bullying (not in anyway involving seb) A/N: I write Seb a little more confident but he is still brusque and anti-social. Also there will be something that really puts a hold on some of the development in the next chap... let's call it a misunderstanding so if that's not your jam well *shrugs* --- Chapter Two: Whiskey and Water

The bus was steady under your feet. The soft drone of the engine soothed the butterflies in your stomach. You never did this, you never visited other places for extended periods. There was reasons for that though. It disrupted your schedule; you needed a steady schedule to get things done. Usually. That hadn’t been working lately.

The breakdown at the convention last week had been a massive red flag that something needed to change. You’d been pushing yourself to the limits the last few months to try and get everything up to snuff on your game. Yet was it worth it? Was it worth destroying your mental state even more?

Your friend, Etta, or Henrietta to people who didn’t pass her vibe check, obviously thought so too. Since when you were trying to work up the courage to ask if you could visit— and honestly talking yourself out of it at the same time— she made the decision for you.

“Just come here. Stardew, will set you right,” she said with an irritated sigh.

She’d heard the same lines too many times. She’s heard you try and talk circles around this issue too many times.

“I don’t know, Etta,” you murmured into the phone.

“No. We aren’t doing this again just so you can call me again and sob in my ear. I’m tired of it,” Etta said.

You could practically see her pinching her nose in exasperation as she paced her house.

“Just get your ass here. You have a week before I come drag you here myself,” she said, worry lacing the threat.

You laughed, you couldn’t help it, and it was wet from the recent crying. You nodded even though she could see as you looked out of your window at the busy streets below your apartment.

“Do you have internet?” you asked.

The thoughts faded to the back of your mind as your stop began to approach. Your fingers twitched and you puffed out a breath between your lips, tapping your toes as you waited for the bus to slow. Butterflies gathered in your stomach until they grew into a near whirlwind. You schooled your expression though.

“Your stop miss,” the bus driver said, as the vehicle idled.

Your smile was painted on, frozen and awkward. The mask of someone who passed for normal when inside they were failing to tread water. It was only for a few months. You would be fine; Etta would make sure of that.

You stood and made your way down the steps. Your façade cracked a bit as you saw her familiar dark red waves pulled back into a ponytail, somehow pulling off a pair of dirtied overalls with perfection. Her soft features were harshened by a quirked eyebrow and crossed arms. Her blue eyes ripped apart every emotional defense you had, just like they always did, and you forced yourself not to release the grip that you had on your expression. You just pushed your smile to grow, and she pursed her perfectly shaped lips.

“Really?” she sighed, and her hand immediately snatched your wrist. “C’mon.”

“Wait my bags,” you said glancing back.

“Don’t worry about it, miss,” the bus driver waved you off. “It’s part of my job.”

You blinked and felt thrown off until an insistent tug on your arm reminded you that Etta was still there, and demanding you follow her. You shook your head and sighed, yet did as her impatience required.

“You could pretend to be a little more civil,” you hissed.

“Pretend to be nice to someone I may see like twice a month and never talk to? Why? That would waste so much fucking energy and I already expend enough on the town’s people,” she rolled her eyes.

You followed behind with a huff unable to fight the riptide that was Henrietta in all her glory.

“You need to get somewhere private anyway,” she said quietly, just loud enough for you to hear. “You look like you are about to start crying.”

Your heart squeezed, knowing that she was protecting you from exposing parts of yourself you so carefully hid from others. Love, affection, and gratitude swirled through you, batting away the anxiety with ease. Yoba, you’d missed her.

You shifted until you were walking in time with her quick strides and as her grip loosened on your hand, your hand slipped into hers, clasping it tightly. She shot you a soft smile, something secretive and curated just for you.

“You should have visited much sooner,” she said as you passed through the gate of her farm.

You froze in your spot, “I really should have.”

Your lungs stopped working for a moment as you took in all the work she’d been doing. The crops that were carefully and lovingly planted. The barn and the coop were filled with animal sounds. Then a black lab came bounding across the yard to greet the two of you.

“This is Atila,” she said, sweeping her hand at the dog.

You smiled, a real one this time and for the first time in a long time you felt that persistent knot of tension in your chest loosen. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad here.

---

Sebastian pulled his lower lip in between his teeth, flipping his tongue over the hoop on his lip. The pool cue was a welcome weight in his hand as he tried to find his next plan of attack. Sam stood across the table from him, practically vibrating. It was distracting tonight.

That wasn’t normally an issue for Sebastian. He usually could ignore Sam’s inability to sit still. Despite how it never stopped, ever. Yet tonight he wanted to slam his own head into the cue just to stop his eyes from tracking the movement of his friend pacing. Was he moving more than usual tonight? No… it was something wrong with Sebastian.

Maybe it was that he hadn’t heard anything new from his favorite game dev. No updates, no answers about why he hadn’t been at the con when people asked. The game was so close to being finished. It may have been a small indie team but the name, Perish, had grown large enough he could have easily gotten a booth. People had been excited; Sebastian was one of those people.

That game had been keeping him sane lately. He felt like he was still scraping his way toward his future in the city. His savings were only halfway there, especially with how much inflation was rising there. It was oddly inspiring to see such a small indie developer chipping away at a highly anticipated game. It gave him hope, something that was rare for him.

He groaned and stepped back.

“I need a drink,” he glared down at the cue ball that was giving him no answers, he really couldn’t let Sam win.

Sam pursed his lips, “You’re just stalling because I have you on ropes.”

Sebastian snorted out a laugh and waved over his shoulder as he walked out from the game room, “Sure whatever you want to think.”

He made his way to the bar, waiting for Emily to notice, yet she was currently helping two other customers. He narrowed his eyes at them. Henrietta, he recognized, even though it was rare for her to come to the Stardrop. The woman sitting next to her looked familiar but… he couldn’t remember why. The muted colors, the soft curves, and it was just on the tip of his tongue.

Where had he seen you before? He didn’t recognize you from around town. Had it been in Zuzu at some point? From what he could see of you, you were cute. It would be easy for him to remember you on that alone. Especially since your aesthetic wasn’t usually the type he often was drawn to.

He kept rifling through his memories and then you tilted your head, and your face became more visible. He swore his throat closed up and his heart skipped a beat. It was you! The one from the con. You had run and he’d never gotten a chance to get your name let alone your number. He didn’t know exactly why you’d panicked so badly, but he recognized the moment for what it was, sheer terror and anxiety.

You were the one from the café, the one he ran into again, and the one who’d slipped through his fingers twice. How? Why? Why were you here? His body was nearly shaking. He exhaled deeply and schooled his expression, he needed to chill out. He was staring like a creep.

Then your head turned more, and your gaze caught his and Sebastion swallowed when he saw the recognition flash in your pupils. His fingers found his thumb ring, immediately spinning it in the hope of controlling his nerves. He should just go say hi. No, that wasn’t what he did. That would be weird.

You blinked, seeming just as surprised as him. He closed his eyes for a beat, rolled his jaw and then stood. You seemed even more shocked as Sebastian made his way toward you. You weren’t alone, because honestly, he didn’t know why the fuck he was doing this other than he refused to let you disappear again.

His eyes flicked over your face, memorizing the features, the shy smile you gave him. He thought he might have stopped breathing at some point.

“Sebastian?” Henrietta asked. “Need something?”

His attention moved over to her, he didn’t necessarily not get along with her, but he didn’t seek her out. She was brash and sharp and a little too blunt for him to talk to regularly. Yet you seemed close to her. He took in the way you leaned closer to her, your pinky brushed hers as if seeking reassurance, were the two of you together? He hated how his stomach sank at the thought.

“Just coming to get a drink,” he sighed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Emily gasped. “We got caught up in talking about our visitor!”

Emily motioned to you and smiled genuinely.

You ducked your head shyly, “Sebastian, hm?”

The way you said his name, soft and uncertain, had the hairs on his nape prickling. He cleared his throat and nodded to you.

“Good to see you again. I didn’t catch your name last time,” his gaze darted to the side, and he willed himself not to blush.

Your smile curled a little more, became a bit warmer as you introduced yourself, holding out your hand.

“Of all the places to visit, you choose Pelican Town?” he shook his head with a scoff and took your hand.

It was so small in his. No callouses, soft skin, and his mind tried to lead him somewhere it shouldn’t go on the first meeting.

“Well, Etta lives here, and I needed to get out of the city for a bit… clear my head,” you mumbled so quietly he almost didn’t hear you.

But he was so in tune to your answer he managed to pick up the gist. He frowned, so you lived in the city. Why would need to get out of there? What did you mean by clearing your head? There was a hidden meaning to it that you didn’t offer an explanation.

His hand left yours slowly, dragging his fingers down your palm and you shuddered. A slow, languid smirk rippled across his features. His eyes darted between you and Henrietta.

“Be nice to her Sebastian,” Henrietta said warningly. “She’s my best friend.”

Friend. That word echoed in his head, and he pressed his tongue piercing against the roof of his mouth in hopes to control his runaway thoughts.

“Of course,” he said coolly, his gaze dragging over you again.

You squirmed.

Emily looked between you and Sebastian a couple times before she finally said, “What will you have?”

“Whiskey and water. Still gotta beat Sam,” Sebastian shrugged.

He looked at you out of the corner of his eyes. You’d turned back to Henrietta and were chatting much more animatedly. Once the glass was set in front of him, he turned to leave before saying.

“Oh, hey, it was interesting seeing you again,” he said with a smirk before turning.

He’d never met someone who flustered easier than him, and it made something unfurl within him. Something dark and feral that wanted him to see just what he could do to pull out more reactions from you. See more of that bashfulness, see other sides, like the way you looked so comfortable with Henrietta.

His mom would be proud, he’d actually initiated a conversation and he’d said a halfway decent good-bye. ---Taglist--- @queenmimis

[writergirl3]

"Hermosa" - Aaron T x Reader

Let's just say I was inspired by my recent trip to Spain and dreamt up this cute scenario. I don't speak a word of Spanish, so if my Google translate-dependence creates inaccuracies, I'm sorry!

Anyway, onto the good stuff 🧡

“Not ‘Si’, ‘Sí’!”

“It’s the exact same!”

Aaron T grins at you cheekily, shaking his head fondly so that his chocolate curls tumble about. “So, when someone says ‘Would you like sprinkles with that?’, you’re not gonna sound dumb answering ‘If!’?”

“Shut up,” you furiously scribble out the word in your notebook, correcting the pesky little mark, “Spanish is dumb.”

“Not as dumb as you.” Aaron jests, poking your cheek softly when you pout at him, signaling he’s kidding. “Let’s try something different.”

You eye him with exhaustion. He’s been tutoring you for an hour now and while staying behind at school with your best friend is fun and all, the thought of your bed is equally appealing. “Can’t we just carry on tomorrow?”

“No,” Aaron pushes a cup of coffee over to you, chuckling as you guzzle the caffeinated beverage, “You’re not going anywhere until you can string a sentence together.”

“It’s easy for you,” you settle the coffee cup down, “you’re fluent!”

Aaron chortles and pinches your cheek out of fondness. He shouldn’t find your sleepy grumpiness cute, but alas, it’s out of his control. Falling for you was never on his agenda, but moments like this reminds him why he did.

“Dios mío, eres lindo…”

“Huh?”

Your bambi eyes catch him off-guard, and he realises he spoke aloud. At least you don’t understand a word of Spanish.

“Nothing!” Quickly shutting your school book closed, he turns to you and gestures for you to do the same. “Let’s make this fun.”

Narrowing your eyes at him, you draw back, “Fun how?”

“Stop asking so many questions!” He flashes you a toothy smile and it makes you roll your eyes. “Just try and guess what I’m sayin’, we need to get you used to hearing different words.”

You shrug in compliance, awaiting whatever he has in store. He taps his chin thoughtfully before inspiration alights his hazel irises.

“You gotta write about yourself for this assignment, right?” You just nod. “Well, I’ll give you some pointers.”

He observes you intently and, in all honesty, it makes your cheeks heat up a little. When did he get so close?

“Tus ojos,” his voice is softer than you’ve ever heard it, “me hipnotizan…”

Your breath catches in your throat. You have no idea what he’s just said, and all you can do is sit in silence. Aaron just chuckles and lets his eyes trail over your face.

“Tus mejillas son lindas cuando te sonrojas, y,” Aaron chuckles “eso me gusta.”

“Stop saying so many words I don’t know!” you whine, unwittingly ruining the moment. Aaron chuckles, but his eyes never leave your face.

“Tus labios son tan dulces, me pregunto cómo se sentirían en los míos…” 

He trails off, and by the way his eyes flicker down to your lips, you can tell what he’s been talking about them.

“My…lips?”

Aaron nods encouragingly, motioning for you to write the vocab down. As you scribble away, he eyes you in a daze. Who could blame him? You look so cute when you’re concentrated, oblivious to his flirtations. 

For now.

“Hermosa…”

The word falls from his lips in a lovestruck whisper before he can stop himself. But it’s only when you turn to him that he realises what he’s just done.

“Did you just say…beautiful?”

Mierda.

“I-I, uh…” Aaron fumbles, looking anywhere but your eyes. Why did that word have to be the only one you know?

“You did, didn’t you?”

Your expression softens. You’ve never seen Aaron so nervous, so unsure of himself. Your confident, fun-loving best friend transforms into someone else entirely. Someone you want to be close with, to share things with, to…love?

Refocusing on Aaron, you note the way his eyes dart about the room, his fingers drum on the classroom desk you’re sat at. When he takes his cap off to fan his face momentarily, you question if this is the Aaron you’ve come to know.

It’s plain to see that he can’t formulate any words at all, English or Spanish, so you do the next best thing.

“Aaron,” placing your hand on his tanned forearm, he turns to you while you try to organise your thoughts, “Me gustan ustedes dos…”

His hazel-flecked irises nearly pop out of their sockets at that, and when you lean in to momentarily peck his lips? He loses it.

That’s not to say, though, that he doesn’t reciprocate the gesture. Holding your cheeks tenderly, he succumbs to your charms and kisses the soft flesh of your lips happily. Pulling away, he leans his forehead on yours and meets your eyes with regained confidence.

“I can’t believe you like me back…” His whisper dances across your lips and you find yourself wishing you could feel his again. You lean back in, but not before Aaron verbally cuts in with a cheeky grin, “And by the way, it’s ‘Tú también me gustas’...you said ‘two’, not ‘too’...”

“Shut up and kiss me…”

---

Musing Meaninglessly Masterlist

[grimsneverendingfuneral]

Grim where is that rosekiller fic you were teasing us about? 🤨

damn. yeah :/ probably never gonna be posted lmfaooooo. or maybe like. in a long time

im sorry im really inconsistent with shit like this. my writing, i mean. i knew this when i started writing the fic but i went in anyways, teasing yall and shit. im just a fuckin tease, truly

i can give you another long-ish snippet under the cut if you want something to chew on

A pair of marigolds are provided soon after, which Barty doesn’t wear, and Evan is almost inclined to offer a helping hand, shocked at how little protest Barty gives him. 

He gives him none. With the compliance of an automated coffee machine, Barty steps up on the ladder and starts scrubbing the walls above the bathroom sink with vigor, eyebrows drawn down and lips pinched together. 

Evan stands, watches him do so, observing him with clinical attentiveness – his eyes caressing over Barty’s every bump and curve; the sharp elbows, the hills of his hips, dipping into slackened black jeans, loose enough to reveal heart-patterned boxers. The slope of his back, jostling back and forth with each swipe of the sponge, accompanied by the muffled sound of shallow breathing, an occasional sniff. The skin on his fine wrist, the veins pulsating beneath with hot, slick blood, black with lack of oxygen, crimson when exposed to the light. It makes Evan’s hands tremble, iron grip beginning to slip on his resolve, trying to put together the gloppy, scattered gray matter of his mind back together in a panic. 

Barty looks down at him. “Hey blondie, you got any drugs? My Vyvanse is wearing off.” 

Evan’s mind is suddenly spun wildly out of orbit, smacking on the wall. “Uh–”

“Can I look in here?” Barty asks him, already pulling the cabinet open. 

“Stop!” Evan shouts, slamming it shut. 

Barty just laughs, nearly falls off the ladder. 

Evan huffs, raking a hand through his hair. “You’re going to fall, Barty,” he berates, strutting to the corner of the living room where he keeps his drug paraphernalia. “Barty. What kind of a Jesus apostle’s name is that?” 

Barty laughs again, throwing his head back and swaying back a little. “You’re funny. Pretty and funny,” he tells him pervertedly, pressing the sponge into the wall and scrubbing. “It’s not my name, not really. It’s my dad’s. You wouldn’t believe my full name even if I told you.” 

Evan stares at him for a few seconds, hums, then flicks the lighter to the bong’s bowl, inhales. It bubbles between them, milky smoke curling up the straight tube, between Evan’s lips. 

It’s a green glass bong, and the color of it reminds him of Barty’s.

Chromium. 

It’s the color on the wheel opposite to crimson, and Evan wonders if he’ll ever get to see that color. Maybe on his floor, like an inkspill in the form of something divine; the essence of Barty and the vibrance of his innards, twisted and warped around each other, creating a hue of dacre, shiny, marooned plum, perhaps.

Coagulated, fleshy matter and bits of weed, scattered in all the cracks in his floorboards, pouring into the bathroom, tainting the linoleum.

What happens when bleach and blood mix? Does it create something that wasn’t there before? What does it feel like to slather your hands in it, to touch the inside of someone? 

Does Barty have an inside? 

From above him, Barty’s resonant voice cuts through his aching mind. “Why did you let me in here?” He smirks. “Don’t you know about me?”

Evan blinks, remnants of smoke falling from his lips. “Well, why did you follow me? Don’t you know about me?”

“Yeah, I know about you,” Barty says around another cheeky smile, tongue between his teeth. “I told you. I see you, you know, around campus.”

Evan narrows his eyes. “You see me?”

Barty nods, wipes at his leaking nose. “Around campus. You’re always listening to that music, looking like you’re having prophetic visions. It’s pretty alluring. Damn, this bleach is–” 

“Are you feeling faint? Dizzy?” Evan asks him, maybe a bit too enthusiastically. He quickly clears his throat, pushes a strand of hair out of his eyes with his index finger. “You should– take a break. Sit down for a moment,” he adds apprehensively. 

Stalling. He’s stalling. What exactly is he stalling? Is he really going to hurt this person? Does he really want to go through with this? 

Evan’s eyes flit to the various objects in the apartment.

Bleach to scrub the blood. Bong to diffuse the tremors. The Persian carpet he bought at an auction. He would have to remove it from the living room. Is the bathtub big enough for Barty’s body? He could fold him. Does he have enough hydrofluoric acid left? What would he use? One of Pandora’s expensive Japanese stainless steel knives? 

Evan looks away from his unholiness. “Well, I don’t know about you. Never seen you before in my life. Why should I know about you, anyway?” 

Barty scoffs, a dismissal of Evan’s tone, canines showing through a smug grin. “Okay, I’ll sit.” 

When Barty perches himself on the ladder, half-sitting on the third step with his legs stretched out, there’s a moment when their eyes meet. 

Evan notes that Barty doesn’t look away, doesn’t flinch. His face twitches, eyebrow raising just slightly. 

He’s so long. Long and languid, and Evan thinks maybe Barty’s the panther now, the way he’s looking at him like he wants to push him up face-first against the wall. 

Barty tucks his bottom lip into his teeth, feet resting on either side of Evan’s as he stands stiffly in front of him, bong in hand. 

And then something absolutely earth shattering happens. 

Barty’s foot wiggles, brushing the inside of Evan’s foot arch, sock fabric rubbing on sock fabric.

The feel of it makes Evan’s throat dry up, his guts clench. He wants to lean away, get that heat emanating from Barty’s body far, far away from him. Wants to lock him up in a basement, throw away the key, leave him there to beg and cry and moan. 

Barty gently takes the bong from Evan’s tight grip. “Well, if you want a semblance of truth, blondie, I’m damaged goods.” 

Evan raises a brow, watching Barty’s adam’s apple bob with a harsh swallow. “Damaged goods?”

Barty nods, takes a hit from the bong. When he tilts his head back, he blows the smoke into the light, casting a thin veil over their heads. “Yeah,” he croaks, coughing slightly. “I’m shit. But hey, at least I’m me. I’m shit but at least I’m me.”

“Well, we are all just insects groping for something terrible or divine, either way,” Evan tries to reassure him, for some odd reason. He feels compelled to soothe the slight twinge of self-hatred behind Barty’s eyes. “That’s Philip K. Dick.”

Barty coughs into his elbow after another hit. “I think you’re divine,” he says through a cough, eyes watery, rimmed pink. 

Evan clenches his teeth. Barty smiles. 

Smiles with his sculpted, flushed cheekbones, mouth in a perpetual state of laughter, like it’s all so absurd to him.

Evan turns his eyes away. “You don’t even know me,” he grimaces. “You’re a fool if you think I’m anything close to divine. I’m a wretched person.”

“I like wretched. Wretched’s good,” Barty affirms, reaching out for Evan’s wrist. 

His own pulse against Barty’s thumb pad makes him nearly gag.

[hbyrde36]

Steve Harrington: Vampire Hunter

Or,

The Anita Blake AU/Steddie mashup that nobody asked for but i'm having far too much fun with.

ao3

Chapter 1: Old Friends

Years ago, long before he'd started raising the dead professionally for his father's company in Indianapolis, Harrington’s Animators Inc, Steve Harrington had been known as the best babysitter in Hawkins. The city wasn’t all that far from his old hometown so, occasionally he would run into one of his old charges. All of them were grown now, a few even enrolled at the nearby college. Dustin Henderson was the first kid he ever babysat and, although he'd deny it if anyone asked, the little shit had always been his favorite.

The boy currently sitting across the desk from him looked much the same as he had a year and a half ago, the last time Steve had seen him. Before he'd died.

Steve wasn’t an idiot, he knew the rules, but he looked Dustin in the eyes anyway. It was quick, just long enough to see if those blue eyes were still the same too or if there was something new in them that would betray what his friend had chosen to become. Dustin noticed and shot him a grin wide enough to show fangs and Steve instinctively looked away with a poorly concealed shudder.

"Y'know, you don't have to be afraid. I’m still me."

"Not afraid, just..."

"You can't lie to a vampire Steve, I can smell the fear on you."

Steve opened his mouth to retort but quickly closed it again. No use trying to argue with someone who could literally smell your how you feel.

"Okay, fine. Why are you here, Henderson?"

"To hire you of course!"

This kid was way too cheerful for a creature of the night, wasn’t that against the rules or something? It was making it really hard for Steve to keep him in the ‘potential enemies’ box.

Steve glared at him, which is harder than it sounds when you're trying not to look someone in the eyes but he thinks he makes it work. "I raise the dead, I don't usually work for them. What do you need a zombie raised for anyhow?"

Ignoring the dig, Dustin soldiered on. "I need to hire you to investigate a murder, like a couple of them."

Murder? What the hell had the kid gotten himself mixed up in now? Part of Steve wanted to ask, the other part reminded him that it was no longer his business. Dustin hadn’t wanted his advice before he went and ruined his life so there was no reason to think he’d want it now.

"I'm sorry buddy but I can't help you." Steve winced internally at the slip. He could not fall into the trap of thinking of him as the same Dustin he knew and loved. The whole thing was making his chest ache and he badly needed this meeting to be over.

"It's not for me, exactly..." Dustin trailed off, looking unsure how to proceed for the first time since he'd arrived.

Steve raised an eyebrow in question.

Dustin sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was such a familiar and human gesture that it almost made Steve smile. He shouldn't have been surprised by it, the kid hadn't been dead long enough to shake all his old habits.

"I'm working for the master of the city. Please don’t tell my mom."

Steve mouth dropped open in shock as he gasped. "Henderson, are you out of your mind?!"

"Look, I didn't really have a choice alright?” Dustin said, hands raised in surrender. “It’s a long story. I was ordered to come here and hire you to look into the Vampire murders that have been happening downtown. Have you heard about them?"

"You know I work with the cops sometimes on preternatural cases. Yes, I'm aware of them. I've seen the bodies and given my opinion to the police. In a way, I'm already on the case so - you can go back to your boss and tell them to save their money."

"Come on Steve, we really need your help! The cops don't care about us, if anything I’ll bet they're happy about these murders. Less vamps on the street to worry about is all they think."

Steve wished he could defend the men and women of the Indy PD but deep down he knew Dustin was right. After all, vampirism had only been legal in the United States for the past two years and it takes time for people to adjust to a new status quo. In reality, he was sure not every officer felt that way but, enough of them did that Steve didn't feel like he could argue.

“I get it kid, okay? But I’m not a private investigator. I can’t believe my da…Bert would even set up this meeting.”

“We’re offering three times your normal fee.”

“Jesus, well that explains it then. It’s always about the money with him.”

“What about Robin? She’s a PI, can’t you like work together with her or something?”

“Absolutely not, I’m not letting her get anywhere near a case like this. It’s too dangerous.”

Steve glanced at his watch, shocked to find that the hour had grown so late. He jumped up, hastily shoving files into his bag and hoping Dustin would take it for the dismissal that it was. He didn’t.

Steve paused, looking back up at the kid in front of him and sighed. “It was really good to see you but I have to go, I have clients to meet in 15 minutes. I don’t like to keep people waiting, especially in a cemetery.”

Dustin tilted his head to the side and something flashed in his eyes. There and gone so quickly that if Steve didn’t know better, he’d think he imagined it.

“You actually meant that, didn’t you?”

Steve shrugged, moving past to open the door. Dustin took the hint this time and rose to follow Steve out.

“Are you going to be in trouble for failing to hire me?”

Dustin offered him a sad smile. “I told them you wouldn’t go for it.”

“Then why did you come?” Steve said, surprised.

It was Dustin’s turn to shrug this time. “It was really good to see you too, Steve.”

-

The sun was already rising as Steve pulled into the driveway of the small two-bedroom house he’d been renting. He was always a little grumpy when he couldn’t manage to get home before dawn, it meant his boss, the prick of a human being Steve had the misfortune to call a father, had overscheduled him. Again.

After a quick shower to remove the chicken blood he was now covered in, an unfortunate but necessary tool of the trade, Steve climbed into bed and was asleep within minutes.

He couldn’t have been out for more than an hour or two when his cell phone rang loudly, startling him awake. In his exhausted state he must have forgotten to switch it on silent mode.

“Hello?”

“Oops! Sounds like I woke you up. So sorry about that”

Steve winced, the voice on the other end of the line was a bit shrill for this early in the morning. He also had no earthly idea who this woman was, neither the voice or the number on the screen were familiar. She didn’t sound sorry at all.

“Who is this?”

“I’m Carol. Carol Perkins.”

“…and?” Steve said, impatiently.

“I work with Tammy Thompson?”

Steve had known Tammy since high school back in Hawkins. She'd had a crush on him for a while but once he had made it clear he wasn't interested she had backed off. The two eventually struck up something of a friendship and had both moved to Indianapolis around the same time.

Steve honestly didn't consider them to be that close but apparently Tammy did, if her asking him to be a bridesmaid in her wedding was any indication. He'd never admit it but he actually really likes the baby pink suit she'd chosen for him to wear to match the girl's dresses. He remembered this woman now, they hadn’t met yet but he knew she was in the wedding as well.

“Okay, now that name I know. What is it I can do for you Ms. Perkins?”

“Well, I know this is very last minute but I’m putting together a bachelorette party for Tammy tonight and I was hoping you could join us! Also, she mentioned that you don’t drink so I was also sort of hoping you could be the designated driver?”

“I haven’t even agreed to come yet and you’re already asking me to drive?”

“I know, I know. The time just got away from me. She said you’re off most Fridays, is that not the case this week?”

As a matter of fact, Steve was off tonight. He had big plans for a quiet night in and going to bed at an hour appropriate for humans but, sadly, that looked like would no longer be happening.

“No, it’s fine. Just tell me when and where to pick you all up.”

“Excellent! Pick us up at the office at round 8, you know where it is?”

“Yea, I’ve been there.”

“See you then!”

Steve hung up the phone and threw it across the room in a fit of frustration. Luckily it landed safely in a pile of dirty laundry. Why hadn’t he just said no! Robin was always telling him he was too nice. As he set the alarm clock and settled back down in bed, he couldn’t help thinking that maybe she was right.

-

Carol and Tammy were already outside waiting on the curb when Steve pulled up at 8 o'clock on the dot. As the girls climbed into the back, he couldn’t help but notice that Carol was wearing a ‘Vampires are people too’ button. Something about it rubbed him the wrong way, or maybe it was just her bitchy attitude. Oh well, he’d only have to play nice for one night, and then next month at the wedding. He could handle that.

The girls were both wearing sparkly cocktail dresses, which surprised Steve considering he was picking them up from work. He suddenly felt very underdressed. He looked nice of course, he knew they would be going ‘out’ but it was a casual-nice, consisting of his tightest jeans and a soft black henley.

“Oh Steve it’s so good to see you, it’s been weeks!” Tammy exclaimed.

“You too” Steve replied. Glancing over at Carol he asked, “are we waiting on anyone else?”

Carol at least had the grace to look embarrassed as she answered. “No, it’ll just be the three of us. I’m so sorry Tammy, I waited until the last minute and everyone else already had plans or couldn’t get a sitter.”

“Shocking that people would have plans on a Friday night.” Steve quipped.

Tammy glared at him through the rearview mirror, a look that clearly said, ‘be nice’. Steve rolled his eyes but plastered on his best customer service smile.

“So Carol, where are we headed?”

“Guilty Pleasures! Do you know where it is?”

Steve's smile fell and he fought hard not to scowl at the woman, regretting every decision he’d made that had led to this moment.

“Ooooh what’s Guilty Pleasures?” Tammy asked. She had to be the only woman in her 20’s in a 50-mile radius who hadn’t heard of the place.

Steve opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by Carol's shriek of excitement. “Aahh! You’re gonna love it! Steve, don’t say a word, let's let it be a surprise.”

-

Guilty Pleasures, the world’s first vampire strip club was located in the heart of downtown, much to the chagrin of the many Conservative-Christian business owners in the area. The line to enter the place snaked around the block and for a moment Steve felt hopeful that they wouldn’t be able to get in. The feeling was short-lived however as Carol grabbed each of their hands in hers and dragged them up to the front of the line where a bouncer sat behind a red velvet rope. He looked Steve up and down, as if assessing a threat but smiled when get caught sight of the girls.

“Hey Carol, you and your friends can go on in. They’re holding a table for you.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up. What sort of clout did this woman have around here that she could book a table at the last minute on a Friday?

Just inside the door stood a large sign that declared in no uncertain terms that no crosses, crucifixes, or other holy items were allowed past this point. Steve ignored the sign and continued past following the girls, quickly tucking his silver cross into his shirt and hoping no one would notice.

“Sir! You can’t bring that in there, didn’t you see the sign?”

Steve turned, only now noticing the large cubby hole in the wall just past the sign, complete with a coat check girl. Or in this case, a holy item check-girl. Steve looked at her and sighed, wondering if there was anything he could say to convince the her to let him keep his cross.

In the midst of their staring contest, a low husky voice sounded from behind their small group.

“Steeeeeeeve Harrrington, what brings you to my fine establishment on this lovely evening?” The voice belonged to Eddie, club owner and master vampire. He looked exactly  you’d expect a vampire to look His long dark curly hair framing an otherworldly beautiful face. His white dress shirt with all its antique lace details was tucked into a pair of skin tight black leather pants. It gaped open at the chest, leaving a large expanse of his pale white skin on display.

Tammy and Carol both looked at Steve in surprise.

“Do you know each other?” Carol asked.

“I suppose you could say that” Eddie supplied, shooting Steve a mischievous grin.

“I’ve just been helping the police on some cases in the area, that’s all.” Steve is quick to clarify.

“Harrington here is their vampire expert.”           

Tammy was staring open mouthed at Eddie, a dazed look in her eyes. Steve reached over to squeeze her arm gently. “Hey - Don’t look a vampire in the eyes, ever”

She nodded, looking uncomfortable for the first time since they had arrived. Good.

“No need to panic, I wouldn’t dream of harming such a beautiful woman.” Eddie said, grasping Tammy’s hand and raising it to his lips in one smooth motion, repeating the action a moment later with Carol.

“Don’t worry big boy, I won't touch you. That would take all the fun out of it, don’t you think?”

Steve scowled, he had an idea of where this was going and he didn’t like it at all.

“Just as say, you having a cross would be an unfair advantage. That’s no fun either, is it?”

“You didn’t make me take it off before.”

“That’s when you were with the cops.”

“So?”

“Do you doubt your own abilities so much that you need a crutch, Harrington?”

In truth, Steve knew he was right. Even without the cross, he was sure he could resist the mind tricks of any vampire in this place, including the over two-hundred-year-old one standing in front of him.

“Fine.” Steve ground out, pulling the necklace up over his head and thrusting it into the hands of the check-girl.

“Excellent!” Eddie exclaimed, before stepping in closer to Steve and whispering softly “Someone will get to you tonight, Stevie. I guarantee it.”

“Never.” Steve spat. Quickly moving to follow the girls down the hall and into the club beyond.

Chapter 2 Chapter 3

[baronessblixen]

Hi ! The doodle art you reblogged with Mulder kissing Scully is so perfect ! Do you think you could write a fic about this ?

I'm not entirely sure but I think the art is THIS POST. It took a life of its own anyway. It's a fluffy post-ep for "Chimera".

Fictober Day 28 | Tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober2022 | Wc: 1,088

Yes, Honey

Mulder unlocks the door to Scully’s apartment, stepping inside with a huge smile. It falls away when he realizes that Scully isn’t standing there waiting for him. For some reason he expected her to be as excited to see him as he is to see her. Instead, there’s only quiet and no Scully. Maybe he should have called her first, reminding her that he had plans to come over once he was back in town.

“Honey, I’m home,” he says, taking off his coat. That must get a reaction out of her. The words sound wrong even to his own ears. He’s made the joke once before. But that was before they were a couple. It reminds him of the domesticity he briefly tasted in Vermont during the Adderly case. It clings to him like day’s old aftershave.

“Scully?” He asks, this time with worry in his voice. She wouldn’t have gone out, knowing he was coming over. Would she? He doesn’t even take off his shoes as he walks through her apartment. She’s not in the kitchen, the living room, or the bathroom. That leaves her bedroom. It’s only late afternoon – she can’t be asleep, can she? The door is ajar and Mulder pushes it open, a smile breaking out on his face.

There she is. She’s in her bed, sleeping diagonally with a book by her side to keep her company.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Mulder whispers, touching her shoulder gently.

“Hmm, let me sleep,” she mumbles, only half-awake.

“You’re not at all happy to see me?”

“You left me alone on that stakeout,” she says, peeking at him with sleepy eyes. “I had to take two showers, Mulder. Two.”

“I’m sad I missed both of them.”

“It was cold and it was lonely,” she complains and Mulder can’t help but smile at her. She must have put her hair up in a bun after her shower, but a strand has rebelliously snuck out. He tucks it behind her ear, happiness flooding him.

When Ellen asked him about his significant other, he considered telling her about Scully. What difference would it have made? He does have someone. He has Scully. But what she is to him can’t be compromised into two little words or a simple definition.

“The showers were cold and lonely?”

“The stakeout, Mulder.” She crawls out from under the covers, stretching. She yawns and Mulder watches her, amazed that he gets to be here with her. There was no question where he was going to go after landing. And not just because he left his coat with her. Though that makes it the perfect excuse. If she’s going to throw him out, he can just pretend he came for his coat. The way she’s smiling at him, though, he thinks he’s going to get lucky tonight. In more ways than one.

“I missed you,” he admits. “On the case. Working without you is… it’s not the same.”

“Did anything happen?” She asks him.

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know,” she says, touching his face. “You look… different.”

“I leave you for a couple of days and you no longer recognize me.” She playfully rolls her eyes at him while her finger journeys over his face, following its contours. “It’s me, Scully.”

“I know it’s you,” she says. “I may have missed you too.” He loves this new version of Scully. It must have always been hidden underneath her suits and her fierceness. Every once in a while, he got glimpses of it. Now he gets the whole thing. A new side of Scully he can’t get enough of.

“Not as much as I missed you.”

“Didn’t know it was a contest,” she says, pinching his nose. He laughs at her and he can no longer just sit here with his hands by his side. He has to kiss her. So he leans forward and does precisely that. She’s as hungry for him as he is for her. She’s pulling him towards her by his sweater and just as he’s about to lie on top of her, she pushes him away.

“What?” He asks, confusion written all over his face. He wipes his mouth, staring at her.

“Why are you still wearing shoes?”

“How did you even notice that? I was worried when I didn’t see you and forgot to take them off,” he says, grumbling. Cockblocked by his own shoes. While he takes them off, Scully gets up from the bed and he groans in frustration. So much for their making-out session.

“I fell asleep,” she said. “Have you eaten? I haven’t eaten yet. How about pizza? What do you wanna eat?” She asks him, watching him with her hands on her hips. She’s wearing casual clothes, his favorite outfit on her. Unless she’s not wearing anything. That will always trump everything.

“You,” he says with a grin, reaching for her. She squeals as he pulls her to him. She crashes into his chest, and both of them laugh.

“I’d like something substantial first.”

“You are substantial to me,” he says, proving his point by holding her face, kissing her everywhere he can reach. Her forehead, her cheek, an ear. He wants all of her. She smells like her shampoo and tastes like herself. He can’t get enough of her. He’s been craving her ever since their first kiss.

He bites gently into her nose, making her giggle harder. The corner of her mouth and she stills in his arms. He can feel her smile against his own lips; taste it, too. He kisses it right off of her, making her moan into his mouth. What Ellen said to him rings through his mind as Scully tugs on his shirt, her hands searching for skin she can touch. This is what he wants. She is a refuge for him. Just as she hopes he’s the same for her. Whether they have the classic, standard run-of-the-mill marriage or not. It’s them.

“You’re thinking too much,” Scully says, teasing his lips with her tongue.

“That’s not something you accuse me of very often, Scully.”

“You owe me dinner, Mulder,” she says, continuing to chase his mouth.

“Anything you want,” he says. Yes, honey, is what he thinks.

“Right now,” she says, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “I want you.”

“What happened to substantial food?”

“Later,” she says, shutting him up with her mouth. “You whetted my appetite. And you owe me this, too.”

Yes, honey, he thinks again, gladly letting her have her way with him.

[hopelesssmile]

Diary Entry 12.0

Gosh. I'm not well. Ahaha. I can't deny it anymore.

I have not had an interaction with a guy in so long that I overthink everything with this guy. Let's call him B2.

Things I know about B2:

baker

30 y.o.

half Filipino, half ???

has brown hair

tall

wears glasses - nearsighted??

gamer

very thoughtful (yikes)

had a falling out with his parents, but lives with them again

used to work for a different bakery

mom is an ICU nurse at HSC

dog's name is Crosby

I'm a sucker for a nice guy. Anyways, let's start with the first meeting.

Meeting #1:

S and I had a little get-together making crepes using my whole wheat pancake mix. Then her boyfriend B1 picked her up. I wanted to give her the cardboard box so she can take it with her to pack her things (since her boyfriend was going to move in with her). I tried to drop off the cardboard box at the trunk of B1's car, but it was full. So I asked S to open the passenger seat at the back of the car instead.

I was spooked because I didn't realize someone had been sitting in the back of the car. He stared at me and so did I. I didn't stare too long and I didn't say anything as it was cold and I had no jacket and just wanted to drop off the box in the seat.

In the brief moment I glanced at him in the dark, I thought he was cute. I was in my pajamas with a red bandana though lol. I remember thinking maybe I should ask S who that was, but didn't want to bring it up.

Meeting #2:

After a few failed attempts to have S and B1 and a friend come over to my house to play games (I didn't clean the house and there was a potential snowstorm lol), I agreed to a last minute meeting with S to get bubble tea (even though technically my fatty liver does not let me have bb tea). It was Mar 17th, 2024 and the volunteer place had us set up a St. Patrick's Day party so I wore green to avoid getting pinched.

I thought it would just be the 3 of us (S, B1 and I), but when I came into the car, there was another passenger and Stinky (S & B1's cat). I was a little pre-occupied with Stinky because she cuddled right up to my lap. Such a cutie pie. This was my first time meeting her and she's adorable. I don't even recall introducing my self to my seatmate, B2.

I spent the time patting Stinky and my jacket sleeves were covered in cat fur lol. I recall B2 stating that he guesses Stinky won't stay with him this Wednesday because I joked with S that I'm taking Stinky home with me. B2 was distraught.

I mentioned that I'm surprised Stinky approached me because I have a dog. B2 brought up he also has a dog and I inquired which kind. His parents had a boxer called Cosby (like Bill Cosby). He showed me a photo of his dog. S joined the conversation and mentioned that Cosby must be older than Phoebe (my dog). I corrected her and stated that Phoebe was 13 and Cosby was 11. Then, proceeded to show Phoebe with a cone on at the vet. I explained the red bump and cryo-sessions. He inquired if the bump was on the butt, but I said it wasn't. I inquired if the bump was the same color as his skin and he said Cosby isn't bothered by it. I suggested he leave it alone, because Phoebe's bump was red and had blood pooling.

S brought up the stray cat situation in my backyard. I explained to B2 that Thursday, I woke up to 2 stray cats in my yard. I came back on Friday and they became 3 cats. B1 interjected that they'll come back if I feed them. I replied that I didn't feed them, but if I did, I would feed them outside of the house lol.

Youtube ads on the music we played remind B1 of the conversation he had with S. B1 explained he would subscribe to YT Premium then cancel. I related and explained that I had to cancel all of my subscriptions because I was thinking of going back to school. B2 asked which program and I said programming at Red River College.

I forgot how the conversation reached this point, but B2 was under the impression I was a nurse when I said I worked at 3 hospitals. His mom is an ICU nurse at HSC. I explained that I worked as a clinical research assistant with chronic kidney disease patients and only visit the renal clinics so I don't go to the ICU.

Somehow he brought up that he's the grandson of Marcel's Bakery and if I needed any bread, it was on him. I said I'd ask for a discount lol.

Maybe it got too quiet afterwards so B2 asked me "H, other than taking in stray cats, what are your hobbies?" I answered "reading webtoons and watching anime". He asked what I watch and i had pulled out my phone to see the anime that A had suggested I watch - Momochi. He said he might have seen it in passing but did not watch it. No shock there.

B2 said "If you're into blood and gore, I recommend you watch Chainsaw Man."

H: I'm not into it because my ex used to watch it.

B2: Never mind. Pretend I didn't say anything.

Inwardly I lol in my head, but later, I thought maybe I was too harsh?

Trying to save the conversation, I tell him that I grew up to Dragon Ball Z, Naruto and Bleach. His fave anime is One Piece. I tell him I watched the live action, but not the anime cuz it's too long. I told him that my fave anime is Gintama and I was more into happy-go-lucky anime like Spy x Family.

B1 tried to be a wingman (?) and suggest I watch Boku no Hero Academia. (I was like guys I'm lazy lol. Give me a 5 min anime to watch please.)

We soon turned to the bb tea place. S was kind enough to pay for me. I chose a peach tea with no sugar. But I could clearly taste the sugar. S had to order bb tea for the whole family and struggled to order the toppings and sugar content for each drink.

B1 and B2 had already finished ordering and were waiting on the side. I waited with S. S moved. I followed her to the seats and we all moved to the seats.

We shortly got our drinks, but I was the only one who did not open mine. I said I was worried I'd repeat the incident with G in B1's car. I had to ask S to open the drink for me.

We gathered around the couch to play on the Switch. I lost badly with 0 stars. Everyone kept swapping with me when I was about to get the star. The one time I was going to get a star, S swapped with me lol. B2 was the ultimate winner. B1 was a sore loser about it.

The group ordered pizza, but I said I couldn't have any because of my fatty liver. So I couldn't have processed sugars and fried food, etc.

B1 drove us home at around 9 pm. S brought up that B2 was supposed to drive. But B1 was salty and said since B2 won the game, he wasn't allowed to do anything lol.

I practically zoned out and fell asleep on the way home so I didn't converse with B2. I could see B1 looking in the rear view mirror from time to time.

In the back of my mind, I was wondering if I got set up lol.

A few days after, I visited S because she's been feeling gloomy and I hadn't seen her in awhile. I came on Friday for a walk with her and B1 said they should've played Switch lol.

One more thing: I found out B1's boss is my neighbor lol.

Meeting #3: March 24, 2024 (Sunday)

After volunteering, S wanted to meet up to walk at Amber Trails. I was happy to come, but I wasn't dressed for the walk. The wind was bloody cold that day. S and I walked for 30 min but we didn't have much to say because we had met earlier in the week. I did learn more about B2 from S. S said B2 was more sassy than shy when they were together at yesterday's party.

Then, why does he act so different when he's around me? Lol.

After the walk, we had a bit of dinner and I wanted to nap on S's bed. S and I were watching random YT vids when the Lcky Bxchez wanted to do a call. I agreed since it would be short. C and I caught up with life. When R joined the call, she unfortunately was shirtless under a blanket so I felt it was best that I hide in the closet since I could hear B1 and B2's voice.

I recall hearing B2's voice distinctly suspecting B1, "You said H would be here." I answered "I'm here" from the closet lol. Everyone was looking for me but I told them I was in the closet. I had to explain to R and B the situation and that I would explain to B1, B2 and S later when I came out of the closet (literally and not figuratively). This was legit the funniest part of the day.

When I came out of the closet, I was flushed and tired. B2 insisted I have a samosa, but I really can't have fried foods so I asked if I could have it later.

B2 passed me the iced tea drink which I knew I shouldn't drink cuz of the 26 grams of sugar, but fck it, I was hungry. The group dealt with the pokemon game login, but S never got the password. I logged into Love and DeepSpace to get my activity in. Then, we played the Mario Switch board game.

S, H, B1 and B2 went to the couch. B1 pointed out that it was cool that S and I had black hair. I said I was confused, was it supposed to be another color?

B2 brought up that his hair is brown because he's half. I don't recall what I did after, but I kept wondering half what lol.

I took a corner of the couch with S next to me then B1 and B2. I said I was cold so S got me a onesy. Love S. The game started, but B1's controller was out of battery, so he asked me to switch spots with him--which meant I was now next to B2. I kept my distance lol. Surprisingly I was doing quite good in the game and B2 was not so good. There were even times when I stole the star from B2 and I apologized.

I patted his shoulder apologetically. Sorry B2, those stars are mine.

Also, B1 learned the hard way to not give us a handicap/2 stars lol. S won the game and I came in 2nd. The only other moment to note was that mid-game I got hungry so I left to eat the samosas (so spicy) and use the washroom. So I had to leave the onesy behind. Since I was warm from the samosas and my turn was next, I didn't want to put the onesy back on and joined the couch as I was --in my pink turtleneck sweater and black jeans. Idk if I looked too provocatively, crouching into the couch like that lol.

We all had short convos before leaving. S and B2 easily bonded. B1 was like I'm tired lol. I said I was leaving and B2 took that as I was leaving him behind lol. I said he's gonna walk home. I told him that he could move the grocery bags to the back before sitting. He directed me where to go. I was super sleepy by this point. We talked about the weather--what else could we talk about. Then he asked how my career switch was going and I said I almost lost my job last week lol. Convos were stopped midway due to directions, but he said he enjoyed riding with me. I said I did too. I forgot what else he said cuz I'm sleepy. I hope I told him goodnight.

I hate it whenever I start have delulu feels for a guy thinking he likes me but I have to appear as stoic as possible. I really need to be more approachable man. I also suspect that he played nice at the Mario game because I was next to him. I was grateful he stole a star from B1 rather than me. B1 on the other hand has the gall to steal a star from me. Lol.

Now this leads us back to present day. I woke up at 5 am today with severe heart palpitations. I struggled to sleep again. I didn't do any work. Did my chores. I had to run on the treadmill for 30 min to get rid of those damn disgusting feels. Ugh. Damn me. Damn my hopeless romantic heart. Dammit.

[ra1ndrop5-on-ro5e5]

29 Snow Day, Everything is Cancelled // FilburBuster

Not even the campus drug ring was stupid enough to go hang out in an abandoned building in a deep winter blizzard. Matt and Ryan had turned down the request to distribute or host. They didn't want the company if it became too dangerous for people to leave. Wilbur was even turned down, and taking the hit to his ego, he started to seek out other company. Finn happily takes the bait and ends up with Wilbur's lanky frame sprawled out on his bed, arms crossed under his head, and one leg over Finn's lap.

Finn listens to him talk about stories from the road between sniffles while he plays a game on the tv. It's easy to just let him talk, he doesn't require much attention, which is nice right now as he started to get sleepy. Wilbur seemed to be staying up for him anyway, trying to entertain him since they were together. His lids were heavy and his speech was muddled with yawns and dead ends and he felt kinda bad about it. He gets up to get ready for bed, figuring Wilbur would be staying, since the snow was really coming down now.

"Are you going to sleep?" Wilbur asks sitting up as Finn braids his hair at his desk in front of a mirror. It seems like in the past five minutes it's the first time he realized that Finn was doing anything different.

"Yeah, I'm exhausted. Nearly four anyway. You're staying I'd take it?'?" He asks throwing his hair over his shoulder and picking up some clothes off the floor to change into that would be warmer and more comfortable. As he has his shirt off he hears the other start to shuffle and glances over his shoulder to see Wilbur fumbling out of his shirt. "Oh, oh uh, I'm not- I'm not trying top be-"

"No I know, yeah, I just... I thought you'd just, you could wear mine to sleep." He offers and holds it up with the look of a puppy who has brought you your own slobbered-on slipper. He meant well, but he feels like maybe he got something wrong.

"Oh... yeah okay." Finn's cheeks are kissed pink as he takes it and pulls it on, running his hands over the worn-in fabric as it falls over his body. It smells like Wilbur's cologne and is already warm with his body heat. He looks up quick to realize Wilbur had been watching him. "Um, I uh- do you want something else to put on?" Their eyes both do a dance of locking with each other and looking each other over for a quick moment.

"Do you want me to put something else on?" He asks with a tilt to his head. Finn shook his with a purse in his lips, both of them shaking hands to play this delicate game of chicken.

"As long as you're comfortable." He shrugged, letting his eyes fall over the other's body before crawling over him to get into bed. They meet nose to nose and share a laugh as Finn's hands lay on his chest. Like touching had broken the tension between them. Like remembering the other was real reminded them of being friends ruined the sexual tension, for now. "If you get cold you can put my shirt on."

"Or I could just snuggle up to you." Wilbur taunts, pinching at Finn's side.

"You came over here looking for a good snog, haven't you?" Finn giggles, taking Wilbur's arm from his side and pulling it over him as he backs up into him until their bodies are flush together. For the first time in hours Wilbur fall speechless and just lets things happen to him. He doesn't fidget or try to fill the empty air, he pulls Finn into his chest and the covers are pulled up over them both. He finally lets himself melt under the soft glow of fairy lights and take a deep breath of air perfumed gently by remnants of Rose on Finn's skin. He wouldn't admit he aimed to hold someone else that night, but his body wasn't totally over its craving. Finn's wasn't unappreciated, but he can't help thinking of someone else as his eyes close and he starts what becomes several hours of trying to drift off.

Finn holds his phone with the screen dimly lit, checking his messages for the last time that night, a small smile on his lips despite the little ache in his heart.

[Text Rose: alright, I'll talk to you in the morning <3 Sleep tight! Stay warm out there without me ;3;]

{Text Ethan: Sleep tight uwu sorry I couldn't come over, but we'll hang soon, promise}

[Text Rose: oh don't worry! I kknow it was last minute anyways Thanks for texting all night, I love talking to you

I love talking to you

He reads over it again and again before texting back a white heart and putting his phone under his pillow. He closes his eyes and feels Wilbur's warmth against his skin. Feel's his hand laced between his fingers. His heartbeat on his back. He wonders if he'd hurt him too. @lovejoy-was-here