lavender haze
requested by @roguemetalmaster13: Congrats on 6k! I’ve read your Matthias Helvar fics and I really like them, so I was wondering if you could please write a Matthias x fem or gn reader fic?
summary: when circumstances mean Y/N is forced to face Matthias and her hatred for him, the hatred turns into something more
"Helvar, this is Y/N."
Y/N raised her gaze from the book she was reading, eyed Matthias up and down, and then dropped her gaze back to her book.
Jesper winced. "Yeah, she's uh... she's Grisha so..."
"I don't like Druskelle," Y/N replied, turning a page in her book.
Matthias nodded once. "Fine, I understand."
"I don't think you do, but ok," Y/N said softly, with a humourless chuckle.
"Y/N, put your grudge aside for now," Kaz warned. "We've got a job to do."
Y/N huffed but closed her book, setting it aside on the bar top. "Fine. What are we doing?"
"You," Kaz amended, sliding an empty tray across the top of the bar and to Y/N, "are going to be working our target."
Y/N snatched the tray from Kaz and raised her eyebrows. "I'm doing what?"
"This corset is tight and my boobs are about to fall out," Y/N muttered to herself, yanking the front up.
The Crow Club was full to the bursting with patrons. Y/N was glad she had a moments reprieve behind the bar - away from the people who kept pushing and shoving her and groping her limbs.
The gang was dispersed about the room as well as outside. Kaz was sat in his usual corner, Wylan next to him. Nina was down the other end of the room, flirting with patrons and doing her best to convince them to spend more money. Jesper and Inej were both outside, watching and waiting for their target to walk in.
And Matthias? Matthias was on door duty. Also waiting for their target.
Albert McCarthy was a rich businessman from Belendt and a close friend of Pekka Rollins. Kaz wanted intel on Pekka and who better to ask than McCarthy.
Y/N's job was to get McCarthy drunk enough to spill his secrets to Inej out in the alley behind the club. Which sounded easy. But there was a rumour - a fairly truthful rumour - that McCarthy had been the man dressed as Mister Crimson, who'd killed the young girl in the Sweet Shop.
He was not a nice man.
"I've been asked to check on you," Matthias said, walking up to the bar, leaning his arms on the counter.
"So, you're not here of your own volition or concern," Y/N replied, picking up a shot glass. "Good to know."
Matthias sighed. "I have done nothing to you -"
"Agree to disagree." Y/N looked up at him and gave him a tight lipped smile. "I hold grudges well."
"I've noticed," Matthias muttered. "Y/N, look, I'm not the man I was."
Y/N stepped back, picking up a bottle of rum from behind the bar. "How do I know that, Helvar?" She asked, lowering her voice slightly. "How do I know that, if I trust you, you won't just turn around and sell me to the Fjerdans?"
Hurt flashed across Matthias' face. "I wouldn't. I just wouldn't."
Y/N's eyes focused on someone behind Matthias and she swore. "He's here."
Y/N's heart sped up and she took a deep breath in, forcing herself to calm down. She didn't know if Matthias had picked up on her anxiety or not, but he didn't leave. He stayed by the bad, slightly to the side, looking just like any other patron.
"Evening, sir," Y/N said, beaming at McCarthy as he approached the bar. "Can I get you anything?"
McCarthy smiled at her, tilting his head slightly. "Glass of whiskey, please..."
"Rosita," Y/N replied, reaching down behind the bar.
"Beautiful name. Just like the person." McCarthy sat down at the bar and leant forward. "Make that two glasses."
"Oh?"
"One for me and one for you - I like to drink with company."
"My boss doesn't allow drinking on the job," Y/N said, pouring the whiskey into a glass.
McCarthy leant across the bar and grabbed another glass, his hand brushing against Y/N's. "I'm sure he won't mind one."
Y/N sighed dramatically. "Fine."
She had one drink and then one more, watching the McCarthy the entire time as, for every one sip she took, he drank the entire glass.
It wasn't long before McCarthy was drunk and swaying in his seat. Y/N had come round for the bar to sit on the stool next to McCarthy (and Matthias). McCarthy's hands kept roaming from her legs to her waist to her arms and it was all Y/N could do to sit there and giggle - to let it happen.
"How about we take this outside?" McCarthy suggested, his words slurring together.
Y/N almost cheered. He really was making this easy for himself.
She took his hand and pulled him off his stool, giggling playfully as he fell off it and into a table. They went through the back door and out into the alley, the cold night air a sharp change from the stuffy interior of the club.
McCarthy rounded on Y/N as soon as they were outside, pushing her against the wall and pressing his body to hers. Y/N was fighting with herself now to not hit him, to push him away, to panic.
She saw Inej rather than heard her. She appeared from the shadows, looming ominously behind McCarthy, a dagger in her hand.
McCarthy's hand began to wander up her skirt, the material gathering in his hands and Y/N nearly broke. But then Inej stepped forward, knife pressed to the back of McCarthy's neck.
"Step back," Inej hissed. "And turn away."
McCarthy, feeling the point of the blade against his neck, did as he was told. His desire turned to disgust as Y/N moved away from the wall, coming to stand beside Inej.
"Wraith," McCarthy sneered.
"Aw, Inej," Y/N cooed, "he knows your name."
It was interesting, watching Inej interrogate someone. Y/N had never really paid attention to it before, often preoccupied with doing something else for a job, or acting as a silent observer who really wasn't observing.
"We know you're friends with Pekka Rollins," Inej began, slowly and meticulously twirling her knife between her fingers.
"What of it?"
Inej took a calculated step forward. "He has a glass factory up north. That doesn't make any glass. Sound peculiar to you, Y/N?"
"Very peculiar," Y/N replied. "Almost as if its a front for something."
McCarthy laughed. "What is this? A pathetic attempt at interrogation from two children?"
Both Inej and Y/N rolled their eyes at that. They were both more than used to the skepticism of men, and women, in Ketterdam. They were barely twenty - Inej and Wylan looked like they were still in their teens - and people rarely took them seriously. But as soon as Inej took her knives out or Y/N clicked her fingers and fire appeared, they quickly changed their minds.
So, they did jut that. In a well rehearsed movement, Inej unsheathed her twin knives and Y/N snapped her fingers, fire flaring up and dancing across her skin and down to her palm.
McCarthy blanched and took a step back, his cocky demeanour vanishing as it always did when a merchant was threatened. They felt powerful until they didn't.
"Alright, alright, let's not be hasty," McCarthy said. "I'll talk."
McCarthy launched at Inej but the girl deftly jumped to the side, leaving her foot in McCarthy's path. He tripped on it and stumbled forward. As he did, Y/N came forward, her fingers burning orange. She wasn't going to harm him with her fire - she just wanted to taunt him.
Her fire flew threw the air, catching on the fabric of an empty stall behind McCarthy and exploding into a roar of orange. McCarthy stumbled back and growled.
It was predictable what McCarthy did next. But Y/N's lack of sleep over the last few days meant her reflexes were slow. McCarthy launched to his right and harshly shoved Y/N aside.
She lost her footing, going over on the heels of her shoes, and fell back into the wall behind her, smacking her head, hard. Y/N gasped, swearing as her hand shot up to the back of her head. She dug her nails into her scalp, trying to even out the pain.
Inej crouched down to the ground and rolled forward, propelling herself under McCathy's legs. She shot up the other side, slicing her knife along his leg as she did so.
McCarthy screamed out in pain, his leg buckling and folding beneath him. Inej loomed over him, twirling her knife between her fingers.
"Please," McCarthy panted, beads of sweat gleaming on his forehead. "Please, I'll tell you what you want, just don't hurt me."
Inej's lips quirked up into a smile, her teeth peeking out. "I like it when men beg."
It was like a lightning strike. Inej pounced, punching McCarthy in the face, knocking the man to the floor and rendering him unconscious.
"Is he dead?"
Y/N flinched, clicking her fingers and summoning fire. Matthias took an abrupt step back, his hands flying up into surrender.
"Saints, Helvar," Y/N said, falling back against the wall behind her, "has no one told you to not sneak up on two women in an alley at night?"
Inej laughed, wiping her knives down on her trouser leg. "No, he's not," she answered, sheathing them, "just out cold. Jesper and Kaz can deal with his chatter, I'm too tired."
"Agreed," Y/N said. She put her hand to her head again and winced, quickly pulling it back. In the dim light of the alleyway, she could see something wet on her fingers. "You don't need me, do you?"
Inej shook her head, pulling her hood up. "No. Go get some sleep while you can."
Y/N nodded her thanks and yanked open the side door. The warmth and noise of the Crow Club greeted her. She began to climb the stairs up to her room, the pounding in her head gradually increasing with each step up.
She got to the first floor landing and wobbled, putting a hand out, finding the wall.
The floorboards behind her creaked but she didn't react. She knew who it was. Matthias was not stealthy.
"Come to finish me off, Druskelle?" Y/N asked, panting softly as she tried to catch her breath.
Matthias sighed. "How long before you trust me?"
Y/N turned. "How long before you stop hating Grisha?"
"I haven't hated Grisha in a long time," Matthias said, stepping up onto the landing. "Believe it or not, people can change."
Y/N looked at Matthias, trying to ignore the pounding in her head. "My parents were captured and sent to the Ice Court for trial," she said quietly. "I hid. Even as the screaming started, I hid. I didn't come out until a group of second army arrived and carried me out of there."
Matthias was silent, gazing at her intently, his eyes scouring her face. Y/N met his gaze, the silence growing around them. She didn't need to finish her story - Matthias knew.
"I am sorry, for what my people did," he said softly, his accent sounding stronger now than it had done before.
"Thank you," Y/N whispered. She sub-consciously put a hand against the wall, readjusting her weight slightly. "No one has ever apologised before."
Matthias' gaze turned to concern as he noticed Y/N leaning heavily on the wall. "Are you ok?"
"Ahuh," Y/N said, trying not to nod. "I smacked my head against the wall when he shoved me."
Matthias moved close. "Can I look?"
"It's fine -"
"Please?"
Y/N hesitated but ultimately relented. She turned around and stepped back, brushing against Matthias' chest as she did so. He gently prodded the back of her head, his fingers parting and holding up sections of hair.
It was almost relaxing. Well, it was relaxing. Y/N closed her eyes and leant into his touch. Matthias moved slightly closer, letting Y/N lean back against him.
Y/N had always wanted to be closer to Matthias. Seeing how he was around Nina and Inej - the way he acted with them and hugged them made her yearn for it. But she hadn't trusted him. Because she knew better.
Now, however... she still knew better. But now there was understanding - acceptance.
Y/N turned around, Matthias' hands falling to his sides as she did so. "This is all I've ever wanted," Y/N said quietly. "To be closer to you."
"No one was stopping you."
"Except myself," Y/N whispered. She ducked her head for a moment before raising it again. "I just wanted this. To hold you and smile at you... to hear you laugh at my jokes."
"And now?" Matthias asked, his hand brushing against Y/N's.
Y/N took a deep breath in at the touch, goosebumps dancing up her arms. She took the plunge and leant forward, pressing her lips to Matthias'.
Realising what she'd done, Y/N pulled away. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her hands shaking slightly.
Matthias looked at her. His gaze dropped to her lips. He launched forward, forcing Y/N to take a step back. His hands wrapped around her waist as his lips trailed kisses down her neck, onto her collarbone and back up again.
They were hungry for one another. Y/N wanted to hold him tightly and never let go.
Matthias bent his knees, put an arm under Y/N's legs and scooped her up, never once breaking the kiss. She wrapped an arm around his neck, breaking her lips from his for a moment, just to catch her breath.
Y/N leant her forehead against his, panting hard. Perhaps it had come out of nowhere, the sudden desire to hold him and want him. But, at the same time, maybe it had been festering underneath her hatred since the beginning.
Her hatred had evolved into something more.
"Stop thinking," Matthias mumbled. "Just kiss me again."
So she did.
Matthias grinned against her lips as he turned and carried her down the corridor, pushing open the door to her room with ease.
He laid Y/N down on the bed and she giggled, bouncing slightly against the cushions. Matthias climbed on top, one knee either side of her legs, his hands resting on her thighs.
Y/N looked up at him and couldn't help the excitement pooling inside her. "Yes?" She asked, needing to know.
His lips curled into a smile and Y/N melted a little bit more. "Yes." Matthias leant down and pressed his lips to the space below her ear. Y/N arched up into him, her hands fisting into the material of his shirt. "Absolutely, yes."
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